#which frustrates me to no end argh

[wearily-confused]

Also what is it with me leaving songs in another tab or the watchlist and never getting around to it anytime soon

But most often than not those songs are such bangers too

[dandyshucks]

blinks tiredly. i decide "hm maybe i should try to expand my circle and step outside of it a little, lets go look at the main community tags" and im just greeted with a bunch of edgelords who think saying "fiction doesn't affect reality, don't like don't read" is peak activism and "fighting censorship". head in my hands. this is partially why i do not ever go into the community tags, my nervous system cannot handle blocking fifty weirdos every single day just so i can have a normal experience in the community tags hfdsjkl

[eliotquillon]

sob sob

[yutasbellybuttonpiercing]

Soulmatch™ — App-grade your love life!

(new picture bc this is the renjun i imagined in this)

pairing: huang renjun x reader

au/genre: smut, humor, fluff, angst, strangers to enemies to lovers...?, non-idol!AU

characters: huang renjun, f!reader, best friend!jaemin, best friend!haechan, friend!chenle, renjun's parents

word count: 24.807 words (oh my god)

general warnings: mentions of cheating, men being dudes and dudes being bros, lack of communication, haechan is a milf hunter, trust issues, insecurities regarding relationships, hook ups, smoking, alcohol, mentions of vomit (nothing graphic or detailed, literally just the word), mentions of erectile dysfunction (???), emotional manipulation..? past na jaemin x reader, implied past huang renjun x wong yukhei / lucas, toxic masculinity, daddy issues, haechan and jaemin talk very vulgarly and do not know boundaries, mentions of virginity, crying, heartbreak, author makes use of their limited knowledge of tarot.

smut warnings: ...hate sex...?, unprotected sex (nuh-uh!), fingering and brief oral (f receiving), face-fucking, switch!renjun, switch!reader (?), pet names, a lot of imagining sex, brief choking, mentions of anal, creampie.

synopsis: Renjun is a hopeless romantic, his goal is to meet his perfect match by the end of the year, maybe even his soulmate. The perfect solution: an experiment for finding love through an app. Renjun doesn't care who it is, as long as they're a perfect match, he thinks. But then you show up...

a/n: i really love this so much. it's a bit different from what i usually do bc it has a real storyline! it's complicated (not really)! i really poured my heart and soul into this. i love renjun so much. argh! also, why do my endings always feel rushed???? help???

taglist: @she-is-dreaming @nctzennikki09 @babyjenono @noonaisreading

"Why the fuck do they need information on my favorite toys from ages five to ten?" Renjun groans, rubbing his temples before quickly grabbing ahold of his phone to facetime his mother. The ringing sound of his phone had always managed to annoy him, and he wonders whether there'd be a section in the forms where he could put that down.

Staring at himself on his screen, he fixes his brown hair. It had gotten quiet long over the past few weeks since his last haircut. Admittedly, he hasn't had the energy to leave the house, really, thankful for his freelancer job that allows him to work from the confines of his own four walls. Although, he'd thought about growing his hair out anyway.

Finally, his mother answers the phone.

"No, it's Renjun... No, turn the TV down! Down! Lower the volume," his mother shouts, not at him, but at what he could only assume is his father, judging by the Jackie Chan movie playing in the background, that after all these years, he can identify by the sounds only.

"Hello, Junnie," his mother finally addresses him, a gentle smile on her face, a harsh contrast to the annoyed frown she'd thrown at her husband earlier.

"Hey, mom," Renjun says, tapping on his own video so it would fill the screen instead of his mother's.

"How are you doing?"

"Fine, fine. Uh, listen. Do you remember which toys I liked when I was 5?" Renjun finally lets his hair fan over his forehead in peace, getting frustrated that it's not staying in the exact place he wants it to. He's only talking to his mother anyway. That woman'd wiped his ass a few years back, so why bother.

"What an odd question," she grins, briefly getting distracted by something happening behind her phone which she shoos away with her hand and a tight lipped frown that disappears as soon as he lays her eyes back on her son.

"I just need to know. It's really important."

"Okay, let me think. I believe you liked this one thing- this squishy" – her hand squishes the air in front of her phone – "what is it called?"

Renjun can hear his father's voice from behind the phone, "what? Plushie?"

"Yes! You had a plushie that you really liked!"

"A plushie..." Renjun mumbles, filling the letters into the field, "what color?"

"It was a cow."

"So black and white?"

"Those are the usual cow colors."

"Okay. And when I was six?"

"Honey, what do you need this for? Is it still this love calculator thing? You know I read that article about it online-" His mother raises her brows in concern.

"Yes, but I didn't want to say it, because-" Renjun's words get cut off by his father's obnoxiously loud voice as he yanks the phone from his mother's hands, his big head coming into view and Renjun has to immediately roll his eyes.

"That's nonsense, son, and you know it. Anyway, when will you come by again? I bought steak. You know no one can make steak like I do!"

"Yes, I know. I won't be able to make it any time soon, though." Renjun sighs, fingers fiddling with a loose string sneaking its way out of the couch cushion.

"What if I told you we had some fine wine?" – "Stop dragging our son into alcoholism," Renjun's mom finally wins the phone back, but Renjun can still hear his dad's laugh in the background.

Renjun huffs. "So? Year six?"

"Honey, I'm really not sure. You've had a fire truck phase, then enjoyed dinosaurs, then couldn't get enough of those collectable horses. You were a very diverse kid with so many different interests. I don't think you can categorize that or sort it into years. Just say that you liked all kinds of toys–"

"Even girls' toys!" His father laughs.

"Alright," Renjun sighs, pressing his lips tightly together before wishing his mother a good night and ending the call.

"All kinds of toys..." Renjun mutters to no one but himself as he types his answer into the box, shaking his head. He's been filling out these forms for days on end, and slowly he starts believing his parents' words that it's just nonsense.

But it is his only hope.

_____

"A what for what?" Donghyuck asks, mouth as full of burger as Renjun's own, hence why he couldn't understand him the first time. Renjun holds up his hand, chews aggressively, then swallows hard.

"An experiment for finding love," he explains a second time, and the crease in between Donghyuck's eyebrows only seems to be getting deeper with every word that leaves Renjun's lips.

"What the fuck is that?" Donghyuck asks (assumingely, Renjun still can't understand him over the huge bite of patty and bun inside of his mouth).

"You give a whole bunch of information about yourself to the scientists, and they use some software to find your ideal partner," Renjun explains briefly. There's a bit more to it than just that, but he doesn't want to overwhelm Donghyuck's brain while he's eating.

"Pff, okay?" Donghyuck says, a few crumbs of- whatever that had been only mere seconds ago flying out of his mouth and directly onto Renjun's forearm. The older contorts his face in utter disgust, shaking the sticky pieces of food off of his skin.

"You're a pig, Donghyuck," Renjun states, wiping the spot with his napkin because he can still feel Donghyuck's saliva on himself.

"I might be a pig, but at least I got game." Donghyuck finally swallows, grinning proudly with a small piece of lettuce stuck in between his teeth which Renjun has yet to decide telling him about after that insult.

"You don't have 'game'," Renjun spits, fingers motioning quotation marks, "you just have low standards. You'd fuck everything that bends over in front of you."

"That is not true!"

"Need I remind you of what happened with Chenle's mom?"

"She is a milf!" Donghyuck whines, letting his hands weakly fall down onto the table.

"Whatever." Renjun sighs. "Point is: I'm not lacking game, I just want to wait for the right person."

"Alright, two explanations, same outcome: your dick is dry as fuck," Donghyuck nods, pointing his fry at Renjun before he drags it through his vanilla milkshake and stuffs his mouth with it. Renjun presses his lips together, frowning slightly as he imagines the taste of that. "So when are you getting banged?"

"I don't want to get banged, Hyuck," Renjun answers, fingers coming up to rub at his temples. He knows he's lying, Donghyuck knows he's lying, so why did he lie? "There is more to it than sticking my dick up a hole."

"Just any hole? You didn't specify that it should be a pussy?" Donghyuck's eyes widen and he stops his motions. Renjun watches anxiously what a large amount of time Donghyuck's been holding a new fry into his milkshake for.

"I didn't. I don't care."

"You'd shag a dude?!" Donghyuck's shrill voice attracts the eyes of several people sitting around them.

"I don't know why you needed to let everybody know about that," Renjun say through gritted teeth, "but yes. I don't mind."

"I didn't know you were bi," Donghyuck finally sucks the fry into his mouth, then cleans his fingers with his tongue.

"I'm pan."

"Same thing."

Renjun opens his mouth to protest, but he's honestly a little drained to dispute with Donghyuck right now. Wow, what has he become...

"So, when are you finding real love, then?" Donghyuck tries again, empathically sensing that he just scratched at Renjun's teasing-limits and should therefore tone it down a little before he loses a friend.

"I finished filling out the forms a couple of days ago. They have to analyze it and then find someone in their data base. I'm not sure how long it's going to take," Renjun explains, losing a tad of hope with every word at the realization. It's probably going to take forever.

"Okay, then what do you say: one last time going out on pussy hunt with the boys?"

_____

Renjun realizes that this is not one of his proudest moments as he stands leaned against the bar. On the outside, he might look cool and relaxed (or at least that's what he strives for), but he's honestly close to being shit-faced and needs the bar for not losing his balance. Admittedly, it's been some time since Renjun's last time out and he's been a bit nervous.

"This is great, huh?" Chenle says next to him, cool as ever as he leans his back against the bar, keeping his balance with only his forearms. Renjun envies him.

"Totally," Renjun retorts sarcastically, but Chenle doesn't seem to pick up on it.

His other friends had already abandoned him, always with a dirty grin as they got dragged away by a pretty girl. Renjun just can't get behind this whole thing of hook-up culture. Why would you want that when you could- never mind, Renjun understands why people hook up. He really shouldn't judge other people when he's the one who signed up for a love experiment.

"So I heard this is going to be your last time going out with us?" Chenle asks, then takes a sip from his beer bottle. Renjun likes hanging out with Chenle, but the younger's busy schedule doesn't offer much time for friend activities. Chenle is generally laid back and doesn't judge others. Well, not really, he just likes to tease, but generally speaking, he is a good person to open up to.

"Yeah," Renjun answers shortly, not in the right state for a long conversation.

"Because of that love app?" Chenle asks, and Renjun briefly looks over at him to see a teasing smirk tugging at the corners of his lips.

"Yeah," Renjun repeats in defeat.

"I think it's cool," Chenle says, corners of his mouth turning downwards making him look impressed, but Renjun doesn't seem convinced. "You know, real love. It's rare these days, I think it's admirable. Really."

"Thank you," Renjun says, a gentle smile on his lips. "Hyuck's been teasing me a lot for it, but I just.. don't like this hook-up culture. I want to settle down."

"I get you, man." Chenle nods, clinking his beer bottle with Renjun's glass that contains the last few drops of a cocktail, then empties his bottle. As if on command, a girl leans against the bar next to him, whispers something into his ear while tugging at his sleeve. A grin forms on Chenle's face before he turns to Renjun.

"Sorry, gotta go. She says she needs Daddy." Chenle winks at Renjun who gives him a combination of a genuine chuckle and an awkward smile in return, then waves at Chenle's figure getting dragged towards the restrooms.

Renjun sighs, then his eyes scan the crowd. It's stuffy, the fog machine on a too high setting making it hard to even make out faces. It also feels hot, no wonder considering the amount of bodies dancing and sweating to the sound of the music, and the entire atmosphere feels too uncomfortable to find someone he could- sleep with. All of his friends are gone anyway, there's no way they could check if he got with someone or not. Sighing once again in defeat, Renjun decides to call it a night. He steadies himself, then tumbles over to the door, pushing it open to be hit by cool air. He immediately feels like he's drank 2 glasses of alcohol less than he actually did.

"Cigarette?"

_____

"This is not something I want to brag about," Renjun says the noon after, his butt placed on a chair in Donghyuck and Jaemin's man cave. It's actually just their shared home, but judging by the looks and smell of it, Renjun cannot not call it a man cave.

"Couldn't get it up?" Jaemin asks, an understanding nod moving his head. The younger looks messed up, respectfully, his hair tousled and eyes still not completely adjusted to being awake, the size of the cup of coffee in his hands an indicator of how he's feeling right now. Donghyuck really doesn't look any better, his body leaned over the table with his forearms supporting his weight.

"What? No!" Renjun shakes his head with a frown. He really loves his friends, but sometimes he wonders why he's even friends with them.

"Did you puke on her?" Donghyuck covers his mouth with his hand. Yeah, Renjun wonders in times like these.

"No."

"Did she puke on you?"

"No! There was no vomit involved," Renjun explains, eyes widened in alarm. This conversation slowly but surely makes him wonder how his friends' hook-ups tend to go... not that he wants to know, considering all this talk about throwing up.

"Then why are you not sharing every single detail?" Jaemin grins, scooting his chair closer to Renjun until he's uncomfortably pressed up against his cheek, reeking like coffee and sleep.

"Because..." Renjun frowns in defeat. "Because she was gone this morning."

"And? What, are your balls itchy?" Donghyuck raises his brows.

"What? Why would my balls be itchy?" Renjun whines, finally peeling his cheek away from Jaemin. "She didn't give me an STD, nor an UTI. W-we used a condom, I think."

"You think?" Donghyuck laughs, straightening his back from being leaned over the table for too long. "Did our Renjunnie hit it raw?"

"Honestly, I don't know why we're talking about this?"

"Did her pussy grip you too tightly to pull out?" Jaemin asks, nodding understandingly while padding his shoulder, "happens to the best of us."

"You're a maker, Renjun," Donghyuck adds.

"First of all, I don't know what that means. Second of all: the sex was fine! Great even-" Renjun tries to defend himself and his hook-up, even though he's not entirely sure why, considering she, well, left without a trace.

"Did she smell good?"

"What, her vagina?"

"Everything."

"Uh- yes? She used perfume, and everything else smelled healthy, I guess. But what I'm trying to say is-"

"Jaemin you bastard! You really have a problem, fucking panty sniffer!" Donghyuck laughs loudly, making Renjun instantly aware of his own hangover.

"Sue me," Jaemin leans back grinning, hands coming up in faux defense.

"It bothers me that she snuck out without even saying anything!" Renjun shouts, palm coming down on the table top with such force that both of his friends jump. It goes silent for a while until Donghyuck opens his mouth once again.

"I understand, man." He leans forwards, placing a palm on Renjun's shoulder. "That was really disrespectful of her." "Not cool," Jaemin chimes in supportively. "But look on the bright side: you'll never have to see her again."

"I guess that's true," Renjun mumbles, "but-"

"But?"

Hesitantly, Renjun looks into Jaemin's face, then into Donghyuck's. "It was really good."

Chaos breaks loose, both of them cheering loudly. Donghyuck begins laughing until his knees hit the floor – an impressive action considering the amount of alcohol his system has to fight – and even Renjun manages to crack a smile.

_____

"Jun, you might wanna see this," Donghyuck proposes hesitantly from the other room. Renjun, already annoyed about having to make his way all over to the living room and abandoning his brewing tea, sighs. What in the world could be important enough to summon him from the kitchen?

"Can't it wait?"

"Believe me when I say you might wanna see this."

Renjun aggressively throws his hands in the air for no one to see, he can't live in peace for even a second with this guy. Still, he stomps over, standing in the door frame with furrowed brows and crossed arms. "I swear if this is some stupid shit again-"

"It's your dating app."

Renjun rolls his eyes, "they've been sending useless messages for the past four months, I don't fucking care."

"It says they found a match." Donghyuck finally looks up from Renjun's phone, eyes wide and mouth shaped into an 'o' form. Renjun's own eyes bulge out at the preposition. "What?!"

He stumbles over, ripping the device from Donghyuck's fingers and holds it close to his face. Indeed, there's the notification. They found them. They found someone!

"Man you should really get your eyes checked if this is how-"

"Shut the fuck up, I'm the happiest man alive!" Renjun beams, smacking Donghyuck in the back of his head without lifting his gaze from the screen. Donghyuck mewls, and it sounds a little too much like a moan, but everybody knows Donghyuck is a little pain slut, so Renjun pays him no mind.

Renjun instead klicks on the notification, the application he hasn't visited in over half a year popping up slowly. There it is. The moment Renjun had anticipated for such a long time. He's a little disappointed that he can't visit this person's profile or anything, but he quickly forgets about it as his eyes land on a button that spells: 'send an invitation'.

"Hyuck, you have to go," Renjun announces, causing Donghyuck to lift his head, gaze drifting away from his own phone screen to look at Renjun perplexed.

"Eh?"

"Leave! I have to get ready," Renjun whines, peeling Donghyuck off of his couch by his wrist. Donghyuck complies balky, but lets himself get pushed out of the front door that Renjun closes in his face immediately, then rushes into the bathroom.

The invitation was sent for tonight, 8 pm. That means he has four hours to get himself and this shit hole he calls his home ready, and the task seems nearly impossible. That is until he finds himself, embarrassingly out of breath, ruffling his hair one last time in front of the mirror by the front door before the doorbell rings. He made it just in time.

His hands shake as he presses the button that opens the door, and a little harder even as he grips the handle to open the door to his apartment.

"Get a grip," he tells himself quietly, then puts on a smile as he listens to the footsteps climbing the staircases. His heart beats rapidly against his ribcage as his eyes focus on where is soulmate is going to appear in the next few seconds.

There, a foot comes into sight, followed by...

"You?!"

Silence.

"Hi?"

"I'm gonna need a minute-"

After splashing cold water in his face in the bathroom and pulling himself together, Renjun comes back to find you sitting on his couch, looking a little nervous, but generally contained and not as bothered by this disaster as Renjun. Sitting down, Renjun watches the arms move slowly over the face of his antique clock that with every passing second omits an obnoxiously loud ticking sound that is only overshadowed by the thick tension hanging in the air. Every once in a while, his gaze traces your form on the farthest end of Renjun's couch, staring blankly at the wall.

"Why did you sneak out?" Renjun puts his thoughts into words, eyebrows scrunched together in a mixture of anger and disappointment.

"It was just a hook-up," you turn your head to whine at him, "I don't know why you're making a big deal out of this?"

"Because it-" Renjun starts, but then decides that he'd much rather not appear pathetic in front of you for moaning about that being his last sexual encounter before formally agreeing to wait for the one.

"Alright," you sigh after a while, "I'm sorry, alright?"

Renjun clears his throat and nods, "okay. Thank you."

"I'd much rather talk about the important things right now," you say, turning your entire body to sit cross-legged on the couch facing Renjun. You take a deep breath before opening your mouth again. "I'm just going to say what everyone here is thinking: the app obviously made a mistake."

Renjun's eyebrows fly upwards as he blinks once, very slowly, "excuse me?"

"Yeah. I mean, no offense, but you're obviously a softie! And I like tall men,-"

"I don't think I'm getting this right, you fucked me before?!"

"Yeah, it was fine for a night, but-"

"And why am I a softie- or, first of all, why is that bad? We both did the experiment, we're both looking for a perfect match, or am I wrong?" Renjun did not even notice getting up from his place on the sofa, or when he started pointing an accusing finger at you.

"I don't know, you take it so serious-"

"And you're being a real bitch right now." Renjun furrows his brows even further as you get up as well to stand right in front of him, your pointer finger pushing into his chest.

"I do not appreciate you calling me that."

"I have done nothing wrong, I cleaned this whole place, and even when I realized that it had to be you, of all people, I was willing to work with it, but right now, I just want to..."

Renjun realizes how close you are to him right now, he can smell your perfume, the same scent you'd worn the other night. Even if it was whole while ago, he still remembers the dusty note that now once again tickles his nostrils, immediately taking him back to that night.

"...kiss you."

Renjun hasn't even closed his mouth before your lips press against his, your passion wild and untamed as your bodies press closer, your hands immediately going to his hair, gently pulling so it stings at his scalp as Renjun's own hands roam over your form to settle on your waist and ass.

His head is clouded, his mind hazy with the feeling of you against him. He's a little embarrassed of your affect on him, immediately growing hard in his pants as soon as you hump yourself against him, content sighs flowing from his mouth into yours.

It's hectic, hands touching everywhere at once all of a sudden, fingers clutching clothing in an attempt to rid the other of them, limbs tangling as Renjun moves the both of you to the nearby bedroom.

You somehow manage to peel yourselves out of your clothes, Renjun can feel how wet you are for him, and though he's so focused on only you, he can't help but comment spitefully, "you prefer tall men, huh?"

"Fuck you," you gasp before kissing him again, and Renjun does not quite know how to feel about this, maybe it's bad, maybe it's good, but he assumes that this type of behavior should not make his tummy fill with butterflies. It still does.

Renjun lines himself up with your hole, then thrusts forward. He doesn't take his time to prep you like last time, he finds that if you want to act like a bitch, you should be treated like one. He's also very perplexed that he's thinking like this, he never has, but he guesses you bring this side out in him.

You cry out in pure bliss as he stretches your walls that are struggling to take his size, your eyes rolling back at the overwhelming pleasure. Renjun's thrusts are quick and hard, ramming his tip against your spot in a way that makes you see stars and your thighs shiver around his waist.

Your orgasm approaches fast, almost embarrassingly fast considering you made such a fuss earlier, Renjun admits to himself, feeling proud as he pushes you over the edge with ease. The moans tumbling from your lips are nothing short of pornographic, and Renjun does not have it in him to shut you up for the sake of his neighbors.

Instead, he pulls out, then quickly replaces his cock with his fingers, pressing them upwards repeatedly to tickle another quick high out of you. His eyes are on you the entire time while yours are closed, assumingely overwhelmed with how good he's making you feel.

Once you writhe from overstimulation, Renjun removes his fingers as well, licking a fat stripe over your cunt before turning you around and pressing your face into the sheets.

"I'll show you how much of a softie I can be," he grunts before pushing in once again, his hand pressing against the back of your head as he crashes his hips into yours with such force that the bed frame penetrates imprints into his wall. Your moans are muffled, and Renjun decides that he'd much rather have his neighbors hear how good of a fuck he is, so he grabs a fistful of your hair and yanks you up.

"Oh God," you whine, back arching beautifully to take even more of him, and Renjun suppresses a coy grin at the fact that he's able to destroy you that easily.

"Hm? Not so soft now, huh?"

"I'm gonna cum again-" you announce, hands gripping the sheets as you try to ground yourself, to just take and take and take what Renjun gives you, and soon after he can feel you clench around him as another orgasm takes over you, leaving you weak and shaky.

"Too much?"

You shake your head, but Renjun pulls out nevertheless. "Get on your knees, I want you to suck me off."

Never in his life has Renjun seen someone hurry off a bed so eagerly. You open your mouth compliantly, like a well trained slut, and Renjun can simply push his cock between your lips and fuck your mouth. "Tap my leg when I should stop."

You nod quickly, then relax your jaw for him to use you. Renjun loves this sight of you. He remembers what you looked like when you came over, with pretty makeup and perfectly styled hair – and now everything's ruined, your hair messy and tangled, your makeup smudged by a mixture of tears and spit. Renjun loves how hazily your eyelids flutter as you try to look up at him, eyes seemingly focussing and un-focussing, more tears welling up in your eyes before they trickle down your cheeks, spit coating your chin as you gag a little.

Renjun believes he could get used to this.

_____

The sun tickling the tip of his nose is what wakes him up the next morning. With a groan, he tries to adjust his eyes to the bright light shining into his bedroom – the downside of having a bedroom that faces east. Once he realizes where he is, the memories of last night come flying back to him. He has to find his arms to be much emptier than when he went to bed the night before. He sighs, a hand coming up to run over his face. Honestly, he didn't even have to check the rest of his home to know that you snuck out again.

A mug filled with coffee in hand, Renjun lets out a shaky sigh. It stings, he's not going to lie, but maybe you have your reasons, maybe something came up, maybe you need time to think. Or maybe you just hate him and only want to use his desperate state of romanticism and body for your selfish nature.

This assumption is neither proven to be false nor correct when his doorbell rings a couple of months later. In the meantime, Renjun had done nothing but sulk, try to pull himself together, work non-stop to get you out of his mind, realized it's not working and went back to sulking, then the cycle repeated itself. He hadn't even updated his friends about the encounter for a lack of energy, basically. His apartment is a mess, empty to half-empty boxes of takeout littered all over the place, bottles with a last sip left left and right that Renjun trips over every few hours only to curse loudly and do nothing to clean them up afterwards. Basically, he's living like Donghyuck and Jaemin right now.

His feet drag him to the door. "Hello?"

"They're threatening me."

Renjun, without even having heard it twice through the speaker, recognizes your voice immediately. And before he knows it, his finger presses the button that opens the door with a buzzing sound. He curses at himself, panic arising as he listens to your heavy footsteps climbing up the stairs to his apartment. Once you step into sight, Renjun loses his ability to talk. Why do you have to look gorgeous? Why does he want to get on his knees and eat you out immediately? Why is he so weak?

You take fast steps and invite yourself into Renjun's home as he does nothing but take a few careful steps back. You then lock the door as you check the hallway behind the door through the peephole for any potential threats.

"Who?" Renjun finally gets out.

"The app developers," you mumble before retrieving from the door.

"Why?"

"They know I left, now they keep threatening me."

"I doubt that," Renjun frowns.

"Look!" You push your phone into his hands. Renjun curiously scans the last notifications the app sent you.

How did it go? Did you find your soulmate with us? Please rate us in the app store.

Hey! We found your soulmate! Now all you need to do is rate this experience.

Your soulmate is happy to have you. Thank you for working with us, please leave a rating in the app store.

Rate your love experience now!

Renjun snorts.

"What?" You watch him with furrowed brows and crossed arms.

"These are hardly threats."

"They just keep coming, this has to be a threat. Haven't you gotten any?"

"I don't know, I don't have the app anymore," Renjun mumbles.

"Right..." you say, finally taking a first look around the place. "And what happened here?"

"Stop judging me!" Renjun turns his back to you while crossing his arms. Of course he hadn't had the time to deep clean his apartment when he was busy sulking and writhing in self-pity for the past months. And, to be fair, it was all your fault!

"Alright, maybe they're not threats, per-se. They still made me feel bad..."

"Oh?" Renjun turns back around, eyebrows raised. "It has a heart?"

"Ha-ha," you deadpan, but Renjun can't suppress a smile as he makes his way over to the kitchen to grab himself something to drink, and you kicking your shoes off, and then following him on track like a lost puppy.

Renjun opens the fridge and pours himself a glass of the fruity water he's prepared a few hours ago (not because he felt like it, only because he was afraid the remaining fruit his mom brought over because she coincidentally happened to be in town a few days ago would go bad if he didn't use them). He lifts the glass to his lips and takes a refreshing sip.

You watch him set the glass down on the counter. "Aren't you going to ask me if I want something?"

With a hint of playfulness that he does not want to give away under any circumstances, Renjun scoffs, "yeah, as if I'm going to be nice to you after the stunt you pulled. Twice." Renjun holds up two of his fingers to highlight his words.

Your brows furrow as you open your mouth to complain, but you must have realized he's right, so you shut it again, turning into a cute pout instead. "I'm sorry. It's just- it's hard-" You give up and press your lips together tightly. "Can we- start over?"

"Oh? From what point?" Renjun raises his brows, lifting his hand to count with his fingers, "when you abandoned me the first time? When you insulted me? Or when I fucked you so good you couldn't stop drooling on the sheets?" He smiles in victory at your shocked expression. "To which I could also add: the first or the second time." He wiggles two fingers in front of your face with a smug smirk.

"I wish I could say this behavior of yours irritates me to the point where I just want to give up, but you're kind of hot looking all messed up and heart-broken because of me while sporting that victorious grin," you say and step towards him.

"Ah, really?" Renjun's confident shell starts to crumble.

"Why don't we start from the beginning?" You stop right in front of him, and Renjun has to press his ass against the counter to keep that little distance that allows him to breathe. Amused, the corner of your mouth twitches, then you extend your hand as your gaze bores into his.

"Hi, my name is ____ and I would love to suck your cock."

Renjun hates the way his breath hitches as he carefully shakes your hand for a reason he is not aware of. "I-I'm Renjun," he simply says, and the playful smirk on your face widens as you pull your hand out of his to lay atop of the waistband of his sweatpants. Renjun hates it even more that he feels his blood that just milliseconds ago thumbed through his ears now rushing downwards awakening his cock.

"Do you want me to suck you off?" Your voice is bittersweet as you bat your lashes at Renjun who gulps before breathing out a "yeah".

You smile, fingers untying his sweatpants before you push your hand inside to feel him up. "So hard, all for me? What a good boy you are, Renjun."

Renjun bites down on his lip, face contorting in pleasure as he feels you feel him up and down, his hips push forward involuntarily. Why do you have to be like this? Why can't you just be- less enticing, less hot, less able to turn his brain to complete mush every time he sees you? Renjun knows where this is going, you're going to give him the best, most amazing, jaw-dropping, eye-rolling, toe-curling head of his life, and then you're going to walk out that door as if there aren't still drops of Renjun's cum trickling down your esophagus.

Just as your hands leave the inside of his pants to pull them down his legs, Renjun grabs ahold of your wrists. Your eyes widen in surprise.

"No," Renjun catches your gaze that holds a whole lot of insecurities in them, or so he assumes. "I am not letting you touch me until I know you won't leave me again."

The look in your eyes tells him that something about this interaction hit a nerve very deep down, so he tries to lighten the mood with a light joke and a careful smile. "At least take me out on a date before you use me."

Jackpot, he realizes, as you scoff and pull your wrists from his grasp. "Alrighty then, what do you want to eat?"

_____

The wideness of his eyes expands exponentially with every word you tell the guy behind the counter of the nearest Subway who prepares your sandwich. He could mouth along your order because, even up until the sauce, it's identical with his. Hence, all he tells the guy once he's finished is "the same". You seem not to notice – or care – and the quick walk back home is quiet despite the tornados of thoughts winding through Renjun's mind. Is this how the app worked? Match people with similar taste in food? Though he doesn't remember putting his Subway order in when submitting his forms.

Arriving at home, you ask Renjun to put on a show to watch while eating, and when he plays his all time favorite, Modern Family, you announce that that's your favorite as well.

Renjun watches, half in awe and half scared for his life, as you practically inhale the foot-long sandwich in front of his eyes, and he feels his heart thumb just a little faster seeing you all domestic like this; not dolled up, and not with his cum dripping from some part of your body, just you being you. Apparently, he likes you more than he likes to admit, he's afraid.

"I think I'm going to delete that app as well," you announce as you wipe the remaining sauce and crumbs from the corners of your mouth.

"How so?"

"I have you now, don't I?" You shrug, placing your plate on the coffee table in front of the couch. Renjun's heart jumps at your words, then sighs and happily sinks deeper into the comfort of his chest.

"Does that mean- I mean-" But he is shushed by your finger pressing against his lips, that makes his eyes widen.

"Shh, baby boy, don't ruin it." You say, then get up.

"Where are you going?"

"Will you calm down? I just want to pee!" You whine, then march off towards his bathroom, and Renjun wants to punch himself in the face for watching you go with a smitten gaze, but he can't help staring. You're just too gorgeous. He loves the way you're so relaxed and funny, sighing lovingly as he admires your beauty coming back from the restroom to sit down next to him with a thud and a weirded out expression on your face.

"Why are you looking like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like I just took your virginity in a field of dandelions."

"I am not!"

"Whatever. Can we fuck now?"

The little hearts circling around Renjun's heart – metaphorically – shatter. "Are you being serious?"

"I hate to admit this too, but you're pretty good at what you're doing."

"I am more than just a toy for you to use!" Renjun argues, setting his plate down on the coffee table next to yours. Anger is visibly written all over his face, and you seem to finally get the hint that he's serious about this.

"Alright, then. What do you wanna do instead? Cuddle?!" You suggest, and although it does not seem like this is a legitimate offer, Renjun takes it.

"Yeah, for example!"

And that's how your back ends up pressed to his front as you watch TV, not without a last roll of your eyes, of course, and while Renjun affectionately plays with your hair, he has time to relish in the feeling of being loved for the first time since forever, even if he had to threaten you with deprivation of sex. Later, you even fall asleep in his arms, in his bed, and when he wakes up the next morning, you are snoring soundly besides him.

_____

"Do you want to meet my friends?" Renjun asks casually over the steam evaporating from the hot coffee mugs on the breakfast table. You have half a Baozi in your mouth, and Renjun can only guess your next words as they come out.

"What? Why? Are we getting married?" He assumes you say.

"No, I just thought, you know, since things were getting serious-"

"We are?!" You muffle with wide eyes.

Over the past days that you'd spent at Renjun's place without missing a single day (except for the 4 hours when you went to get your stuff... 4 hours that drove Renjun insane with fear that you wouldn't return), Renjun kind of started to wonder what it is that you're doing for a living that you can just disappear like that without anyone wondering where you are, but he noticed that you do not like to talk much about yourself. All he knows that your interests and taste are, quite frankly, scarily similar to his own. He assumes that you are just careful when it comes to opening up to people, so he is more than thrilled when he finds you next to him every single morning and decides that there will be a time and place for you to bond over deep talk.

"Calm down, I didn't mean it like that. It's just that we've been hanging out a lot and I think it would be... fun?" Renjun suggests carefully. A weight lifts off his heart as your wide eyes shrink back to their normal size and you take your time to chew and swallow before your answer.

"Okay." And then you stuff the other half of the steamed bun into your mouth.

"Great! I'll text them!"

"Today?!"

"We really have to stop talking about this while we eat."

"It's okay, do it whenever, honestly." But only muffled sounds and a few crumbs come out.

"What?"

You roll your eyes dramatically, then point yourself.

"You?"

You nod, then point to Renjun. "Me?"

Then you squiggle your pointer and forefinger in a way that resembles a pair of legs – "go?" – you nod, then point downwards – "here?" – you shake your head – "today?" – you nod frantically and press your pointer finger to your thumb – "okay?"

You finally swallow. "Man, I said it's okay if we go today."

"That was absolutely unnecessary. Now go get ready, I'll text them."

_____

"Where is your other half?"

"Probably inside of someone," Donghyuck says about the lack of Jaemin at the table, but his eyes are intensely focused on you. You on the other hand seem to have found great interest in your fingernails and refuse to take your eyes off of them. "Yo, is she shy or something?"

"I'm not," you say, your eyes snapping up to gaze at Donghyuck who looks a little taken aback. You smile sweetly, then reach over the table to shake his hand. "I'm sorry, I was just a little distracted. Hey, I'm the girl that Renjun fucks."

Renjun chokes on his own spit, and Donghyuck snorts loudly. You lean against the backrest of the McDonald's seat and grab Renjun's hand to hold. Renjun, finally recovered from his near-death-experience, can't believe what's happening as his eyes zone in to where your fingers intertwine with his. It even makes him miss that that was a complete lie since the no-sex-until-i-know-you-won't-leave-thing is still on the table.

"So, how is he? In bed, I mean?" Donghyuck folds his hands beneath his chin and leans forward interestedly.

"Oh, he's great, really! He doesn't look like it, but he has a lot of stamina. And, to be fair, he's not the biggest, but it gets the job done nicely, I especially love it when he-"

"Can we not talk about my dick in a McDonald's?! Please?!"

"Oop, looks like we hit a sore spot-" Donghyuck remarks.

"I am not insecure about- you know what? Fuck you. Go get the food, it's ready," Renjun snaps and pushes the receipt with the pick up number on it into Donghyuck's hand who throws you another knowing look before strolling off to get the food.

"I will not apologize for-"

"You're holding my hand," Renjun states.

"What?" Your eyebrows contort in confusion.

"My hand, you're holding it," Renjun says, lifting both of your hands into your line of sight to prove his point.

"Yeah, so?"

"I like that."

A genuine smile spreads over your face and you bite your lip, maybe to suppress it, but Renjun saw it, and look down at your lap. Donghyuck appears again, tray in hand, and Renjun would've missed your quiet whisper of "he likes that" if his entire world wasn't revolving around you right now.

"What are we talking about?" Donghyuck grins as he slides back onto his seat, immediately pulling a fry out of the box and dunking it in his milkshake. Renjun, still in awe that you're holding his hand, immediately notices how your face contorts in disgust.

"Why the fuck are you doing that?"

"Doing what?"

"Dipping your fry."

Renjun watches with heart-shaped eyes how Donghyuck's mouth opens and closes for a lack of a proper response, because – shit – that is exactly what he's been thinking for the past five years.

"Because I like it?"

"Alright," you shrug, then attend to your cheeseburger. Renjun mirrors your action, lifting the top half of the bun to peel the single slice of pickle off the surface before sticking the burger back together, not noticing how you do the exact same thing until Donghyuck points it out.

"So? That's what it's like when you found a match. Another great advantage is having only one partner whom you engage in sexual activities with. Ah, by the way, how is your itchy sack?"

"Good one, babe," you compliment as Donghyuck's face falls onto his BigMac, and Renjun could not feel any better at that exact moment.

"Sorry I'm late!" The voice of no other than Na Jaemin appears behind Renjun only to reveal said man seconds later as he flops down next to Donghyuck, forcing him to squeeze further against the wall. Donghyuck complains, but no one pays him any mind.

A heavy grin adorns Jaemin's face, an expression Renjun's grown to know like the back of his own hand over the past years. Jaemin's post orgasm glow is so bright and blinding that Renjun's sure he must have just gotten a blowjob in the McDonald's bathroom. His tongue slurps parts of his McFlurry off his spoon. Renjun watches as Jaemin's gaze runs over to you, and as if someone's flipped a switch inside him, Jaemin's smile drops. If the sudden silence wasn't so ear numbing, one would've heard it smash to the ground and shatter into pieces. Even Donghyuck has stopped munching on his food to scan the situation, the end of a fry sticking out from between his lips.

Renjun's heart stops, then starts thumping up his throat as he slowly turns his head towards you, and this exact process repeats itself as he sees how pale you've gotten. Your eyes are trained on Jaemin, and Renjun can see you gulp once before you suddenly get up, the legs of the chair disgustingly scratching over the floor, and leave the fast food restaurant with hurried steps.

Despite desperately wanting to know what the fuck just happened, Renjun hastily gets up to run after you, calling out your name, once, twice, but when he reaches the doors, panting breath creating soft clouds in the cool air, you're out of sight.

_____

Ah, what a great morning. That is what Renjun would have thought if it was opposite day. He is devastated. You are nowhere to be found, the apartment empty since he returned and he still regrets not asking for your number sometime during the past days, though there was no need since you'd spend all your time at his place anyway. But now you're not. You're gone, and Jaemin refuses to let him in on what exactly happened between the two of you that made you leave the place in a hurry, only for Renjun to find Jaemin gone as well as soon as he returned. He only found Donghyuck sitting at the table, dragging his last fry through the milkshake. They finished their meal in silence.

As the doorbell rings, Renjun falls off the couch, scrambles up and runs to answer the door. It's not you, though, it's Donghyuck, who for once decided to be a good friend and check in on Renjun, even though the latter would rather just lie down in a puddle of his own tears, and sob.

"I'm sorry, man," Donghyuck says, dragging Renjun into his arms for comfort. Renjun simply sighs. The warmth of Donghyuck's hug does actually help ease some of the tension in his heart, and when they part, Renjun invites Donghyuck in for some tea.

"Do you know what happened?" Renjun asks as he hands Donghyuck his mug.

"Not a clue. Jaemin hasn't even been home. I have some theories, though." Donghyuck takes a sip and curses after burning his tongue.

"That are?" Renjun is actually relieved to have someone else break their brain over this situation that is not him.

"Number one: Jaemin is her lost brother."

Renjun blinks.

"Number two: Jaemin fucked her mother and destroyed her parent's marriage."

Renjun raises an eyebrow.

"Okay, number three: Jaemin fucked her mother and is her father."

Renjun raises a hand to slap him.

"Okay, okay! Sorry. Number four, and this actually goes two ways. Four point one: They fucked and she is the one girl that broke Jaemin's heart and made him this way."

Renjun does not like the sound of that at all.

"Four point two: They fucked and Jaemin broke her heart and that's why she can't commit."

"I hate all of your theories with my entire being," Renjun admits, "Do you have one that does not mean something bad?"

"Um..." Donghyuck thinks for a while that, admittedly, lasts too long for Renjun to relax, "Jaemin once saved her cat and she never got the chance to thank him because- he fucked her mom- I'M SORRY that's all I can think of."

Renjun sighs. "I don't know. I just wish she would care about me enough to just talk to me, you know?"

"I don't think that's the problem," Donghyuck suggests and Renjun looks away from his steaming mug and at Donghyuck instead. "I think she cares about you a lot, but there seems to be some sort of past trauma that makes it hard for her. I mean, I'm not a specialist since you" – a glaring Donghyuck points an accusing finger at Renjun – "refuse to update me about every little thing like I asked you to, but I don't think this has as much to do with you as you think."

"I've never thought about it that way," Renjun admits, and a little weight drops off his heart at the fact that he is possibly not at fault, and neither are you. "Thank you, Hyuck, honestly."

"No biggie." Donghyuck shrugs with a smug smirk. "You can pay me back in kind."

"What do you mean?"

"A smooch." Donghyuck puckers his lips, but at the same time, the doorbell rings a second time that day, causing Renjun to jump and run towards the obnoxious sound. This time, it really is you.

"Can we talk?" You ask as you stand in his doorway, and Renjun can't do anything but blink in awe because, honestly? He thought he'd never see you again.

"Um, not to be rude, but we're kind of in the middle of something here," Donghyuck says with his lips still puckered for Renjun to kiss. Renjun, without taking his eyes off of you in case you'd vaporize once he looked away for even a split second, ushers Donghyuck to leave since, "he was on his way out, actually."

Not without throwing a little tantrum, Donghyuck lets himself get pushed out of Renjun's apartment. Renjun whispers another 'thank you' and blows him a kiss before closing the door in Donghyuck's face.

_____

"I didn't know you started smoking again," Renjun comments as you sit on his sad excuse of a balcony.

"This is for the vibe," you say, and blow the smoke into the air. "And maybe I had a drink."

"Okay."

Silence.

"This is really scary for me," you admit, and Renjun assumes that you're talking about opening up.

"You can trust me, I'm not going anywhere," Renjun assures, placing a careful arm around your waist and a kiss to your temple.

"Jaemin was my first love."

Renjun gulps. He feels a little part of his heart break off and shatter against his ribcage, leaving a stinging pain behind. Great, so you know Jaemin, and not only that, he happened to be the first one you've ever let into your heart. Renjun assumes that it's been a couple of years since then, but knowing Jaemin, he couldn't possibly be the best first love, or a good one even. Don't get him wrong, he dearly loves Jaemin – in a platonic way – but the way he treats girls is not something he should be as proud of as he is. But maybe he hasn't always been like this. Maybe you were the one to make him like this.

"Go on," Renjun finally coughs out. His hands feel a little shaky, maybe even a little sweaty, and he feels the need to wrap them around the metal railing separating him from free falling to his death.

"It was back in school. I fell for him immediately. He made me feel like the only girl in the world."

Renjun dares to look over at you to watch you sigh, dragging on your cigarette once again. You look incredibly pained, and as much as he wants you to shut up because it seems to be hurting not only him, but you as well, he needs to know.

"Well, that was until he took my virginity. Never saw him again after that until," you pause, clear your throat and take a deep breath and continue pressed with your eyes closed, "until today."

Renjun takes a minute to calm down his mind from running thoughts on overspeed. "I'm- so sorry that happened to you. I wish I could say he's not like that anymore, but... well, his moral compass enhanced a little... um..." Renjun removes his hands from the railing, wiping them on his jeans, then turns to you. "Look, I can see why you wouldn't want to hang out w-"

"No," you interrupt him, dragging on your cigarette once more before carelessly flicking the bud onto the streets below, then you turn to him, take a careful step forward and take his hands into yours. "I trust you. I want you to be the right one. I want you to break this pattern, I want you to change my future."

Renjun does not know how to respond. There's a part of him that wants to pay Jaemin a visit and punch him, but he knows better than to start a physical fight with Na Jaemin, the local gym's best customer. And besides, what would it matter? It's not like violence would change anything. "May I hug you?"

You nod, and Renjun wraps his arms around you to pull you into his chest. His chin rests in the crook of your neck, breathing in the sweet scent of your shampoo, and he is not sure whether it's a good thing that he falls for you more and more every second he spends with you.

_____

Renjun decided that it would be best not to see Jaemin for some time, mostly in favor of his own well being considering that Jaemin would dominate him if it ever came to a physical confrontation. Instead, he focuses his energy on making you feel loved and protected, and makes sure he never gives you the impression of leaving you. He mostly enjoys the quiet nights with you, creating as much physical contact as possible without being uncomfortable, and freely talking into the rise of the sun.

Renjun learned that it's only been you and your mom, most of the time, since your dad cheated on her when you were still a child. Then, as soon as you turned eighteen and got your first real job, your mother left the country. Not without saying goodbye, but apparently, she made it clear that she didn't want to stay in contact. Ever since, it's only been you. You'd always been by yourself, having to care for yourself, working hard to make enough money to be able to afford rent and food. In a way, you had raised yourself to be independent, and your past encounter with Jaemin must have just intensified your bias not to trust men after what your father did to your mother.

Still, that's all Renjun knows about you. And after 3 months of living together, he kind of wishes to know where you live – well, when you're not living with him – what you do for a job, if you have any friends for him to meet, but all he knows is your zodiac sign. Although, he calms himself down by telling himself that you need time to build up trust. After everything that's happened to you, Renjun is the last person wanting to pressure you.

It's only that one particular conversation with his friend Donghyuck he doesn't seem to be able to let go.

"How long have you been living together?" Donghyuck asked as he ripped a small piece off of the bread in his hand to throw it into the pile of ducks gathered in front of them at the pond at the local park. Donghyuck loves to go there to feed the ducks, and Renjun almost found it cute until Donghyuck told him the real reason behind his regular visits to feed the ducks at the pond: picking up girls.

Donghyuck swears that this is the perfect way to get a "chick" (his words, not Renjun's) to fall for you. Either they love this sweet, domestic side of a man who is soft enough to go feed ducks in his spare time which inevitably makes him boyfriend material, or they're there with their kids and- Renjun can't recall how this was different from the first thing. He only remembers thinking that Donghyuck has a weird obsession with older women, and the freudian curiosity in Renjun kind of pushes him to find out more about what that's about. Maybe another time.

"Almost three months," Renjun smiled widely, ready to spill information about all the great memories he had made with you over the past 11 weeks, like when he accidentally sent the pizza delivery guy to the wrong address or when the both of you giggled too loudly at a YouTube video until his downstairs neighbor knocked at his door and begged for you to shut up (admittedly, there's not much going on), but Donghyuck interrupted him with his hand hitting Renjun square in his solar plexus.

"Three months?! Woah, get it champ! How often do you do it?" Donghyuck asked, completely ignoring the way Renjun had to fight not to double over and slide face forward into the pond.

"We-" Renjun coughed and was finally able to stand up straight again. "We actually don't have sex at all."

In hindsight, Renjun's knowledge of physics and anatomy make him doubt the reaction he remembers, but he vividly recalls Donghyuck's eyes to drive out of his skull as he jumped about 3 meters into the air. Summarized: Donghyuck was a little surprised!

"Um, well, I didn't think it would hit you this early, but there are ways, man." Donghyuck patted Renjun's shoulder brotherly. "I still have a few pills at home if you want to try them. I get them from this one guy, and they're worth every penny, let me tell you-"

"I do not suffer from erectile disfunction," Renjun clarified and Donghyuck quickly shut his mouth, blinked a few times, then began to defend himself about how he doesn't need them to get hard, just to stay hard longer or whatever.

"Anyway," Renjun side-eyed Donghyuck as he finally stopped talking, "I just... don't want her to leave me again."

"Ah, that's how the land lies," Donghyuck grinned, "but buddy, it's been months, don't you miss it?"

"Not really," Renjun lied without cause.

"Don't you miss the way it feels?" Donghyuck leaned closer, warm breath tickling Renjun's ear and neck, his voice getting whiney and full of lust as he explained the warm, wet feeling of a-

"Okay, maybe I do!" Renjun said in defeat, holding onto Donghyuck's hands to stop them for making lewd gestures.

"Then there's nothing stopping you. Well, except for the fact that it's very weird how she just lives with you. Doesn't she have a job? Does she pay rent?" Donghyuck frowned at Renjun with raised eyebrows.

Renjun squinted his eyes at him, frowning as well. "Where is this coming from?!"

"I'm just saying, you should ask her about that." Donghyuck shrugged and poured the remaining bread crumbs from his paper bag onto the ground, causing ducks to zoom out of the water and gather around their feet.

"I don't want to pressure her. You know how hard it is for her to open up," Renjun reasoned, but Donghyuck seemed to be having ulterior motives, throwing a wink into the direction of a middle aged woman with a stroller. Renjun watched for a few moments as Donghyuck pressed his tongue into his cheek smugly, then shouted "just gave him some relationship advice while feeding the ducks", and how the woman chuckled and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, then decided he's seen enough.

Sadly, turning off one's ears had not been invented yet, Renjun thought as he stepped away after patting disinterested Donghyuck's shoulder as goodbye, still hearing Donghyuck ask her about the child's father, how come such a beautiful woman doesn't have a strong man at her side, and what she's going to be doing tonight.

_____

"Baby?" Renjun enters the living room to find you sitting in front of the couch on the carpet, carelessly browsing through a magazine with your playlist randomly playing tunes in the background.

"Hey!" Your eyes light up as you see him. Renjun sits down beside you, a slight smile on his face as he takes in how beautiful you look tonight, just like all nights.

"What are you up to?" He asks, curiously leaning forward to be able to look at the magazine as well.

"It's just a women's magazine, it's like fashion and make-up trends an stuff," you explain briefly still scanning through the pages before your eyes light up once again as you turn to look at Renjun.

"What?" Renjun chuckles nervously, but simultaneously loving the look on your face.

"Could I.. do your make-up?" You ask straightforwardly. Renjun's eyebrows shoot upwards in surprise, mouth shaping an 'o' as he looks up thinking about it briefly. He's never gotten his make-up done before, and although the thought had never occurred to him before, it does sound like a fun couple's activity to do together that could lead to excellent bonding time. Therefore, he smiles and nods at your request.

Renjun coos at how you get up to grab your make-up bag with a slight excited jump in your walk, then watches how you lean down to fish it out of your bag, gulping hard and averting his gaze as you so carelessly present your ass to him. The conversation with Donghyuck still playing in his mind, he realizes that, apart from wanting to know more about you, he really does miss being inside of you physically.

Before he knows it, you're back on the carpet next to him, opening your bag to reveal the endless depths of its contents, various pencils and brushes, tubes and bottles that Renjun knows close to nothing about.

"What do you want me to do?" You ask, and Renjun smiles contently.

"Whatever you want, I'm yours to play with," he confirms before realizing the ambiguous meaning of his words. He still means them, in both ways.

Although, you do not seem to be catching on, shuffling to sit in front of Renjun instead to have a better look at his handsome face. "Your skin is pretty, so let's skip foundation," you decide and Renjun's smile grows at the implied compliment. Instead, you brush his messy bangs out of his face to be able to get a better look at his eyes.

"Can I do your eyeliner?" You ask, gazing deeply into his eyes, and honestly, you could've asked him to jump out of the window and he'd respond with the same breathy 'yes' he did just now. Especially now after you've climbed into his lap for better access.

"Okay," you giggle, now a black pencil in your hand, "look up!"

Renjun does his best to follow your orders, but the eyeliner feels very foreign on his eyes, and as you ask him to look down next, he is met with your cleavage greeting him, and he has to concentrate on not popping a boner instead.

After a while, you lean back, admiring your work as Renjun blinks a few tears away.

"You look pretty," you admit, handing Renjun a little mirror to see for himself. And as he catches his own reflection, he must admit that you're right. He does look pretty, but honestly, he could've looked like trash right now and he'd still do this over and over again just to be close to you.

"Thank you, I agree!" He smiles, handing you the mirror back.

"How about lipstick next?" You suggest and Renjun's eyes immediately dart down to your lips, remembering the last time his own lips touched them for longer than a quick peck, and longing for that feeling. So instead of answering, he nods, trying his best to conceal his nervousness.

A lipstick in hand, you get comfortable on his lap again, seemingly either ignoring or not caring what your shuffling does to him, then attend to his lips. Renjun's now able to watch your face closely as you apply the tinted product onto his lips, falling in love with the way you look when you concentrate on something.

Your gentle fingers tap the lipstick onto his lips, spreading the color gently to create a faded look, but Renjun doesn't really care anymore. His eyes keep focussing on your lips, yearning to taste them again, and he feels like it's showing with the way he keeps leaning in closer.

His heart skips a beat as he looks up into your eyes again to see them already looking into his, and he doesn't even have to say anything before you close the gap in between your mouths and begin kissing him gently, leaving one, two, three kisses on his lips before drawing back to look into his eyes again.

No words are exchanged, it's just him who leans in this time, breathing in deeply through his nose as he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you closer. He completely loses himself in you and the slow song playing in the background. Your lips feel heavenly, and Renjun admits that it's really been too long since the last time he got to taste them.

Your hands stroke over his body just as his do to yours, gentle moans fall from both of your lips as you carefully grind down against Renjun's prominent bulge. It doesn't take long for him to turn you around, gently laying you on your back to the soft carpet, caging you in with his arms and deeply gazing into your eyes. You strip each other of every piece of clothing, taking your sweet time to show the other how you feel, and as Renjun finally enters you, he feels like this is where he belongs.

_____

"Hyuck, I'm telling you, it was absolutely fantastic," Renjun beams, hands in the air metaphorically mimicking a large object to visualize how much fun he's had with you the night prior.

"I'm guessing the rule of premarital abstinence is off the table?" Donghyuck teases, face mockingly serious, though a brow sneaks its way upwards to hint at his playfulness. Renjun presses his lips together, hands sinking to the table.

"You are just jealous that woman in the park only wanted you to be her new babysitter," Renjun shoots back.

"That's what her mouth said, but do you know what her body said to me about thirty minutes later as I rammed my dick in her?" Donghyuck crosses his arms, pressing his tongue into his cheek smugly, and Renjun just stares blankly ahead, right through Donghyuck's insufferable ego as if it was see-through and not as solid as concrete. Donghyuck leans forwards, forearms holding his weight hovering over the tabletop.

"Ah, fuck, you're so big, Donghyuck. Please, d-don't tell my husband. H-he really can't find out that you're making m-me feel so much better than him, ugh, God, I wish you were the father of my children," Donghyuck moans, high pitched and fake like a porn star, and Renjun snorts, laughter that threatened to come out winning the battle against his muscles, and he's sure he spit on Donghyuck in the process. Payback.

"Sorry," Renjun says and doesn't mean it, "have you talked to your therapist about this 'Mommy'-thing?" Donghyuck sighs and rolls his eyes.

"It's not a 'Mommy'-thing. I don't want them to be my mom, I don't want them to pack me a lunch box and sing me a lullaby," Donghyuck explains.

"Then, what?" The corners of Renjun's mouth twitching downwards, threatening another wave of laughter to burst out with vigor.

"Older ladies know what they want in life. They went through labor and stuff and mostly already found a man, so when they want me, I feel good. Also, they know how to please a guy, you know?" Donghyuck says, and Renjun's eyes are about to pop out from the sole pressure of trying to keep his amusement from spitting Donghyuck in the face again.

"Alright, then, if my love life is so laughable, why don't you give me some insight on how great your girlfriend's cunt squeezes around your dick?" Donghyuck crosses his arms, meaning to sound petty and passive-aggressive, even though Renjun knows that he is eager to hear every little detail.

"Does everything have to be this graphic with you?" Renjun contorts his face in faux disgust, but huffs out a chuckle, not ready to admit that, in all honesty, Donghyuck's words sent him right back to last night when you came around him, milking him for all he's worth.

"It does. Whether you like it or not, this is what you signed up for when you started calling me your friend. Now spill," Donghyuck raises a threatening finger.

"I don't know if I'm comfortable giving out information to fuel your next wanking session with my girlfriend," Renjun notes, but continues to spill the details nonetheless. "So, all in all, very romantic until I was like 5 seconds pre-orgasm and 'Jopping' started playing."

"Did you-"

"I did nut to 'Jopping'."

"I guess you were really jumping and popping," Donghyuck examines, then thinks a little longer, "I guess you were a big boy throwing three stacks."

Renjun looks at him, lips turning into a thin line before he slaps his thighs and gets up. "I think I should go?"

"I guess you really made it bang," Donghyuck says and gets up as well, following Renjun into the hallway with quick footsteps. "I guess you really made the crowd go wild in a small room."

"Stop!" Renjun begs, giggling nevertheless as he slips his jacket on.

"I guess you really got that glow."

"Donghyuck!!" Renjun shrieks, not even fully slipping into his shoes before he grabs his bag and opens the door, Donghyuck behind him clutching his stomach laughing. Though, Renjun gets surprised by someone already standing outside the door, the grin immediately falling off his face as he sees who it is.

"I guess it's in your- " Donghyuck starts, but the second he sees the person in front of the door, his laughter dies down, "... nature."

"Hello, stranger," Renjun says sarcastically, squinting his eyes at Jaemin who simply gulps. It's not like Jaemin to not say anything, or to not smile. Renjun immediately feels a little sorry, but at the same time, he doesn't.

Jaemin simply nods before squeezing in between Renjun and the wooden door frame, kicking his shoes off hastily and hurrying past a flabbergasted Donghyuck towards his room. Renjun's eyes follow him disappear, and when he hears the door to Jaemin's room close shut, he feels reminded of how things really started going downwards as soon as you crossed paths with Jaemin again. Of course it bothers him knowing one of his best bros 1) had his dick in Renjun's girlfriend and 2) broke her heart and scarred her for life. What bothers him almost more is how things went well, they were okay, but now Jaemin needed to show up again and make Renjun question everything he's built with you.

What if Donghyuck is right? What if it really is weird that you keep staying at his place? Why is there never a place you have to be? Admittedly, Renjun had pushed this uncomfortable feeling of something being off with your stay to the very back of his brain, not wanting to destroy what you have, not wanting to waste his last chance for love because of something as insignificant as 'oh no, my girlfriend won't leave and I also don't want her to', but suppressing worries is never the answer. No matter how far you push them away, they always resurface to bite you in the butt. And sometimes they bite you in the butt in human form with a perfect, pearly-white set of teeth and eyes that seem alarmingly less sparkly than usual.

Renjun decides that he has to get a grip. He's been so blinded by love, or whatever it is right now that's surely developing into love, that he just let you step into his life, ruin one of his dearest friendships and keep eating the contents of his fridge when he's not home. All this, he tells himself on the way home, passing by a group of guys hanging out in the park together drinking. He sighs. Wasn't it always bros before hoes? Pals before gals? Homies before blow-me's? Does that still apply when the homie is in the wrong?

_____

"Darling?" Renjun whispers as he enters your (at this point) shared home. The lights are turned off, your figure nowhere to be found. Renjun sighs, slowly unties his shoe laces, takes his sneakers off and places them by the door carefully. He realizes most of his shoes are carelessly thrown all over the place, and so are yours. After the sixth pair he's carefully put into storage, he realizes what he's doing.

"You stupid gremlin, just ask her. Stop wasting time," Renjun tells himself, finally taking off his jacket and hanging it up.

"Ask me what?"

Renjun swears his soul leaves his body for a good 10 seconds before he can breathe again. Your silhouette stands in the doorway to his bedroom, the light of the lampposts outside shining on your backside, hugging your curves and making you look like an angel. Renjun curses his artistic eye in moments like these.

"You scared the crap out of me," he giggles, a little intimidated and, truthfully, freaked out at the way you just stand there, seemingly faceless because of the darkness.

"Aww, I'm sorry," you say, and approach him, hugging his cool figure into your arms. Hesitantly, Renjun hugs you back. Something inside him tells him that you're hiding something. "Where were you so long?"

Renjun breathes in slowly, then out through his nose. "Just walking around, needed to think." He's telling the truth.

"Are you okay?" You pull back, looking at his face gently illuminated by the moon. Very lightly, Renjun can make out the lines of worry on your face. He lets out a shaky breath.

"We need to talk."

Another layer of clothing lighter, Renjun sits down on the bed next to you, sweatpants and a white shirt replacing his earlier clothes that kept him from freezing in the cool weather of an early October. The expression on your face is unreadable, though you look not happy, but rather full of worry, sadness and a pinch of anger.

"Okay, this... this is not an easy thing to ask," Renjun finally starts, hating the tension that's so thick one could cut it with a knife.

"Please, um-" you stop him before anymore words can leave his mouth, glossed over eyes finding his gaze and the sight makes Renjun's heart ache. Never have you looked so raw, so fragile, so... broken? "Let me say something first, okay?"

Renjun nods, sucking his lower lip into his mouth to chew on it. His heart beats fast, the sight of you in front of him almost making him forget why he marched through the streets of this town for hours with no physical goal, but only to make sense of the mess clouding his brain.

"I don't know... what exactly you're going to ask me, but-" you halt and stare downwards into your lap where your shaky hands are nervously fumbling with each other. "Whatever it is, whether you want to break up with me, I just want you to know that-" you gulp, voice shaky, "that I've never felt loved in my life except for when I was with you. You really showed me what love is, Jun. You made me love you. So, um..." you breathe out shakily, two tears rolling down and falling towards your hands as they reach the apples of your cheeks. "Thank you for your time and efforts. You really are the best person I've ever met."

_____

"You are fucking weak!" Donghyuck scolds, a little less playfully than usual.

"You don't get it, Hyuck. You weren't there. The sight would even have broken your sad excuse of a heart," Renjun defends himself.

"Excuse me? Just because my heart has Milf-shaped holes in it doesn't mean I don't feel empathy!" Donghyuck throws in, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Renjun feels a little less confident in his decision of letting you be than a few minutes ago. "What did you ask instead?"

Renjun bites his tongue. Admittedly, a day later, the decision doesn't seem as logical as it did hidden under the secure blankets of a dark night. "I asked if she wanted to meet my parents?"

Donghyuck laughs out, once, and very loud, then turns his body to Renjun and places his hands on the older's thighs. "And let me guess." He raises his eyebrows in amusement. Renjun is not amused. "She was like: 'oh my God, Junnie! Why didn't you just say that?' And playfully slapped your arm, and you somehow ended up with your dick so deep in her you could feel hear stomach acid."

"Ew, what the fuck?" Renjun's eyes widen, eyebrows furrowing, his mouth agape in horror. "Y-you know that's not how the female body works, right?"

"How would I know?" Donghyuck retorts, shrugging.

Renjun groans in frustration, hiding his face in his hands. Donghyuck is right. He shouldn't have let you off the hook so easily. He has the right to know! He deserves to have all the answers to his questions. He is honestly one incident away from making an AITA post on Reddit.

"Hey, hey," Donghyuck gently removes Renjun's hands from his face, letting his hands linger on the older's wrists, "don't beat yourself up, Jun. It's not your fault. If the pussy is tight, the pussy is tight, and there is nothing we can do about it. She's in your head, while you should be in her head – literally."

Renjun rolls his eyes.

"No, for real, though." Donghyuck softly slaps the back of Renjun's birthmarked hand. "Women have a different kind of power over us mortals." He looks deeply into Renjun's eyes. "You really like her, don't you?"

Renjun nods. "I might even use the other L-word."

"Okay, here's the thing," Donghyuck announces, now taking both of Renjun's hands in his, cheesily interlocking their fingers which Renjun chooses to ignore, "meeting your parents is great. I mean, inevitably, they're gonna ask her about her job, won't they?"

A spark of hopeful light appears in Renjun's eyes. "You're right. Thank you, Hyuck."

"Kiss me, then," Donghyuck says and winks. Renjun forcefully pulls his hands from Donghyuck's grip. "In your dreams."

"You don't wanna know what happens in my dreams, my dear Renjun," Donghyuck smirks and Renjun decides that this conversation has to end here.

"How are things with Jaemin?" He therefore asks, leaning back in his chair to create a bigger distance between him and the lecher.

"He's in and out, mostly when he knows I'm not around. I think I'm going to trap him later today when he comes home, and make him tell me what the fuck his problem is," Donghyuck explains matter-of-factly. Renjun admires Donghyuck for his confrontation abilities. Of course, Donghyuck is not as in the middle of all this as Renjun, but he himself would've dreaded running into Jaemin randomly in the hallway, would probably put a tracking device on Jaemin so he can properly avoid him, and – Heaven forbid – would not try to corner him and make him spill. Renjun really hates confrontation, he always has when it comes to people he's close with, that he likes, or rather: that he's afraid of losing, and this is probably one of the reasons why he finds it abnormally hard to tickle the kind of information out of you that he needs to sleep peacefully at night.

Either way, Donghyuck will get Jaemin, and his parents will get you, and Renjun gets all the information he needs without having to put in even an ounce of effort. Slowly, Renjun realizes that this is not that great of a foundation for a good relationship, platonically or romantically. Yeah, admittedly, he feels a bit like a wimp.

_____

Renjun's heart beats up his throat for no apparent reason, except for the fact that he's currently standing in front of his parents' house, having just pressed his finger into the button for the doorbell seconds prior. On his other hand: you, dressed up nicely as if you're trying to impress his parents, inevitably leading to a new hatch of butterflies dancing around in Renjun's stomach. He also quite enjoys the way your palm is a bit sweaty as you cling to his hand, proving that you're nervous, which means that you care. Renjun really likes imagining that you care.

"Son!" Renjun's father opens the door and pulls him into a strong, manly hug, his dad's large palm coming down on his back to knock the air out of him. Seconds later, the hug is over, and Renjun's father examines you.

You smile sweetly, holding his hand out for him to shake. Renjun's dad raises his eyebrows, grins, then shakes your hand aggressively. "Son, I gotta say-"

"Please refrain," Renjun pleads, and pulls you into the house. You both take your shoes off and enter the living room containing Renjun's mom who quickly fluffs out the pillows, then turns to you.

"It's great to meet you," she says, shakes your hand and throws Renjun a wink. Renjun cringes. He really loves his parents – well, his mom first and foremost, but yeah – but they have a disgruntling tendency to embarrass him. His mother, the social butterfly she is, immediately picks up a conversation with you and, to Renjun's upmost joy, you seem thrilled about it, your eyes sparkling as you talk to his mother. It's good, don't get him wrong, but beyond the surface, it's bad. There is a reason Renjun brought you here, well, not that it's the sole reason, but Renjun still needs to find out what it is that you do for a living, and when he gets blinded by this mind-numbing feeling of being absolutely in love with the way you get along with his mother, the dearest woman in his life, he will forget about it.

Hence, he excuses himself to see his father in the kitchen, preparing the food. Not that any of you or his mother would even notice his absence as Renjun's mom is already on her way to the shelf in the corner to pull out photo albums containing Renjun's best and worst memories growing up. But even as he stands in the kitchen, his gaze darts over through the open door to investigate your figure hunched over the printed stages of Renjun's puberty, giggling wholeheartedly over his mother's remarks about all of his friends in the past. His mother has always been good with names and faces.

Even later at the dinner table, Renjun is not able to concentrate one his father's cooking, or the light conversation taking place over the amount of food on the table that could feed an entire baseball team for three weeks. There is only one single thing on Renjun's mind: what is it that you are hiding?

Thankfully – might it be the telekinetic bond he has with his mother or just simple human interest – Renjun's mom, after a minute of silent munching, pipes up and throws the question into the room.

"Our Renjun worked hard to be a freelancer," she chuckles and briefly touches Renjun's forearm resting beside his plate, causing Renjun's ears to pipe up and his eyes to widen. "What is it that you do for a living?"

Renjun feels as if time stops, presumably because it does take you a little while to answer. You visibly gulp at the question, eyes avoiding every person at the table. "Well," you begin, then look up at everyone. You blink a few times and wet your lips before continuing. "I recently lost my job and am looking for something else at the moment." Your gaze catches Renjun's who can't hide his surprise. "Which is why I am extremely grateful for Renjun being there for me right now."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," Renjun's mom comforts, a sad look on her face.

"It's okay. I mean- the firm had to ax jobs because of insolvency, so there wasn't really anything I could do about it." You nod to yourself. The following awkwardness lies heavily in the air, and before Renjun's father can even think about bringing alcohol to the table, his mother pipes up once again.

"Don't worry about it, dear. You are still young, there will be lots of job opportunities in the future, I'm sure of it," she smiles encouragingly and you manage to send a slight smile back. "Which reminds me!"

This time, Renjun's mom playfully pinches her husband's shoulder who dramatically mewls at the action. "We were just your age when we met!"

"Oh, really?" You smile widely, interested in the story Renjun's mom tells next, going into almost every detail regarding their first encounter. Renjun, having listened to this exact story countless times, relaxes in his seat. He feels a bit bad that he basically forced you to reveal this probably embarrassing detail about yourself in front of his parents the first time you meet them, but a much bigger part of him is just relieved since, basically, this explains it all. Maybe he should feel a bit used, a bit hurt that you didn't trust him enough to share this detail of your life with him, but on the other hand: he is just glad you're not secretly a serial killer or do porn. Not that there's anything wrong with that, he'd just like to know.

In the midst of his mom's speech, he catches your eyes and sends you a gentle smile which you reciprocate. His hand gently squeezes your thigh under the table, and he is pleasantly surprised as your hand finds his, casually interlocking your fingers with his and putting them on display on the table top.

"Well, good thing you met him before the year ended," Renjun's mother finishes. Renjun's eyes almost pop out of their sockets. Why would she bring that up?

"Why? What's happening at the end of the year?" You ask curiously.

"Christmas!" Renjun says, a bit too loud maybe, since all eyes are on him all of a sudden. "You know, cuffin' season. Heh..."

The day ends pleasantly. Renjun has to fight both of his parents off as they try to make you stay over night or "at least for another shot". Oh no, he has to get you home and, to be completely honest, right into his bed, or preferably the closest surface to the front door that you're willing to take him on. Not even the little remark his mother had whispered to him as he was waiting by the door for you to finish up in the bathroom can make him want you any less right now: "I'm so sure I know her from somewhere."

_____

Days pass and Renjun is on cloud nine. Things are going absolutely great with you, you do fun stuff together, and Renjun can have his little daddy moments every once in a while when you ask him to help you with your job search. He feels giddy all over when he goes to bed, and possibly even giddier when he wakes up to you soundly snoring in his arms. Life is perfect.

But Renjun wouldn't be Renjun if he didn't worry about something, and this time it is the last obstacle to overcome for this to be the absolute perfect relationship: you have to vibe with his friends. Well, first of all, he himself has to start vibing with all of his friends again. He has not seen or heard of Jaemin since he met him that day, and Donghyuck had either forgotten to corner the younger male, or forgotten to tell Renjun about it (classic Donghyuck).

Hence, Renjun calls Donghyuck (so he can't forget to respond to his messages) and makes a plan to meet. Said meeting actually occurs on the same day since Donghyuck feared Jaemin would flee the country if they didn't hurry.

About an hour later – and don't ask him how he convinced you to do this (he might have been using the short post-orgasm timeframe to suggest it when your mind was still cloudy and you were grinning like you were out of your mind) – you appear in front of Donghyuck and Jaemin's apartment.

Before Renjun can even reach out to ring the doorbell, Donghyuck rips open the door, shushes the both of you and hurries you inside. Shoes off, you all meet at the stinky kitchen table and Renjun is reminded of his first encounter with you that he had spilled about at this very table. He finds it a funny little memory.

"Jaemin is in his room," Donghyuck whispers and Renjun can smell the garlic fried chicken he must have had earlier in his breath.

"You didn't tell him we were coming?" Renjun whisper-shouts back and purposely avoids looking at you because he already knows of the disapproving stare the back of his head is receiving right now.

"One: he just had a girl over, and even though I seem like the type to barge into a room that reeks of sex to witness Jaemin balls deep in a chick, I've seen enough of that. Two: if I had told him, he would've possibly taken off no questions asked," Donghyuck reasons and Renjun has to, once again, question why Donghyuck always has to verbally visualize all the tmi details of his speech. Renjun turns to look at you, and you look unsure. Although you had voiced your concerns on the way here, and Renjun had to make you promise not to bail on him, he gets where you're coming from.

Taking you aside (turning around since Donghyuck is openly swiping on his tinder right now that Renjun knows he hasn't set an age limit to) he asks, "Are you okay with this?"

You take a deep breath before nodding. "I want to do this for you, Jun."

Renjun has to ask himself when he started to connect the feeling of love with the desire for sex because why is the first though that comes to mind to bend you over the sticky counter and have his balls slap against your thighs? On that note, he also should stop hanging out with Donghyuck so much if this is how his mind describes sex...

Instead, he presses a kiss to your lips, and apparently Donghyuck's forgotten about his rule of being quiet because he 'ooohh's and laughs dirtily. Renjun simply pays him no mind, unlike you who raises a questioning eyebrow.

"I say I go in first, prepare him for what's to come, and then get him out here so we can all talk," Renjun suggests and everyone nods in agreement. "And Donghyuck-"

"Hm?"

"Leave my girlfriend alone while I'm gone." Renjun squints at Donghyuck.

"I'll try my best." Donghyuck winks at him before brushing his tongue over his front teeth and then biting the air in your direction. Renjun cringes.

"I can defend myself, don't you worry," you confirm with a smile and Renjun wants to kiss the floor you're walking on. Well, maybe not this floor since he is sure that ketchup stain by the fridge has been there since they moved in and got McDonald's on the first night.

"Oh, you know martial arts?" Donghyuck questions with raised eyebrows and great interest.

"No, but I can aim for your balls!" You explain, nodding excitedly.

"Be careful, he might enjoy that," Renjun comments before leaving towards Jaemin's room. He can hear Donghyuck silently arguing his statement in the background before promising you that he would not enjoy that, even though everyone present knows that's a lie. Renjun giggles one last time before turning the corner and stepping into the narrow hallway leading to Donghyuck's and Jaemin's bedrooms while wishing they would open a window every once in a while.

The few steps to Jaemin's door seem endless, especially as Renjun walks past Donghyuck's room that he had forgotten to close the door to, greeting Renjun with the pleasant sight of a fleshlight. Renjun whines quietly, but realizes nonetheless that he is happy to be Donghyuck's friend. He might be disgusting, but it's actually kind of funny.

So, without proper preparation of what to say, Renjun arrives at Jaemin's door. His hand hesitates in front of the "alpha male", "gym bro" and "Fortnite" stickers on Jaemin's door before he actually manages to knock.

The second Jaemin takes to offer him to enter stretches like gum.

"Did you forget something, bunny?" Jaemin asks as soon as the door opens. Renjun is greeted with the sight of Jaemin's massive back facing him as he sits at his desk, an online poker game decorating the large screen in front of him.

Given the nickname, Renjun doubts that Jaemin has any clue that it's him in his room right now. He tries to think of a cocky answer, but he has never been the spontaneous type, so all that comes out is "call me bunny one more time and i might kiss you" and Renjun has no idea where that came from. Still, it does the job of making Jaemin spin around in his chair, eyes wide in shock as he sees Renjun (and not bunny) stand in the doorway.

It's been a while since Renjun's seen Jaemin, and that might be one of the reasons why he finds himself staring at the younger's chest muscles for a bit too long for it to be a coincidence.

Once he's managed to peel his eyes off of Jaemin's nude upper body (he is glad he's wearing boxer shorts, at least) he aims to say something again since Jaemin's sure taking a long time to respond.

"Good day, sir," Renjun says and frowns at how awkward he is. Finally, a chuckle escapes Jaemin. Renjun also isn't sure why he's being so nice to Jaemin. Last time he checked, he was furious and wanted Jaemin to suffer a pussy-less summer. Maybe it's because everything else is perfect right now, and he doesn't have it in him to feel angry anymore.

"Hello, Jun," Jaemin finally says before getting up and wrapping his meaty arms around Renjun who experiences a weird mixture of relief, a spark of arousal, and the feeling of being crushed to death, so he just gently pads Jaemin's body in return. When Jaemin finally lets go of him, holding him by his shoulders and gently shaking him, Renjun reminds himself of all the disgusting things in this room alone so he can stop finding his best friend hot (namely: the dead cactus by the dirty window, the trash can that's spilling over with used tissues and condom wrappers, the countless empty bottles scattered around the place, most of which still containing an unnaturally colored fluid and some of which sporting little white clumps, the pin-up-girl-posters, the old gym socks all over the floor that he can smell from here, and the thick layer of dust on- basically everything Jaemin doesn't touch every day). It helps.

Jaemin steps back, opens a window and lights a cigarette.

"So, uh," Renjun starts, "don't freak out."

Jaemin nods and smiles.

"But I'm here with," Renjun halts to force down a smile and fail, "with my girlfriend. And don't feel pressured right now! It's all good. But we.. we came to talk things out."

Jaemin is not smiling anymore, but nods nonetheless. Renjun feels a bit bad, a bit selfish, even.

"Would you, uh-" Renjun scratches the back of his head before stepping towards the window as well because the distance is making him feel a lot more awkward "Would you mind telling me what happened? Back then?"

"She didn't tell you?" Jaemin questions, and Renjun is trying his best to decipher how Jaemin is feeling right now. Is he upset? Does he care?

"She did, but... I wanted to hear your side of the story. You're my best friend, after all," Renjun admits, eyes wandering around the room awkwardly before looking at Jaemin again. He is a bit glad his fingers find an old gum wrapper on the window sill to fiddle with. "I know it probably didn't feel like that for you in the past weeks. I'm sorry. It should've been bros before hoes but-"

"I know, you're a hopeless romantic, Jun," Jaemin reasons, "no need to apologize. I guess I just didn't like getting confronted with my ugly past."

"I get that," Renjun says and smiles slightly. Next thing he knows, Jaemin's pressing a kiss to his forehead. Renjun turns beet red within seconds. "Stop it, idiot, I have a girlfriend."

Jaemin laughs loudly. "What, am I your gay awakening?"

"You know very well who my gay awakening was." Renjun thinks back to his high school days, especially that one kid, tall, handsome, loud and a little stupid. Oh, meow, his first love.

Jaemin ruffles his hair. "So, my side of the story, huh?" He leans on his forearms and looks out the window, blowing the smoke into the cold air. Renjun, already shivering a little, wonders how Jaemin's not dying from the cold right now. "There is not much to it, really. I was a horny teenager, she was a pretty girl. It was not cool of me to just – y'know – hit and run. I have learned since then. Girls know what they get themselves into when they hop into my bed, I make it very clear."

"Very noble of you," Renjun says, and he hopes it doesn't sound sarcastic to Jaemin's ears. This might not be Renjun's preferred lifestyle, but to each their own, who is he to judge? "I'm just hoping this won't stand between us."

"Oh, don't worry. I won't fuck your girlfriend again," Jaemin promises, snapping the bud of the cigarette out the window.

"Not what I meant-" Renjun says, but is honestly a bit relieved to hear that. Well, he's pretty sure you wouldn't cheat on him, and he knows that Jaemin has about 200 other options just off the top of his head, but it still feels nice to be reassured. "So, are we good?"

"We are so good," Jaemin announces with a grin, pulling Renjun into another rib-cracking hug. This time, Renjun actually manages to hug him back. He loves Jaemin dearly (platonically), even though he's a real pig at times. Renjun daydreams a bit more about how much he loves his friends before Jaemin detaches himself from Renjun to announce that they should probably head out so he can apologize to the real victim of all of this. Renjun swears he's going to twist Jaemin's nipples until they fall off if he goes out there to meet you without putting a shirt on first. Jaemin laughs, slaps Renjun's back so hard the air gets knocked out of his lungs, then complies and slips into the next best sweater.

Renjun sighs as he realizes the writings on it. Better than nothing, he guesses.

He isn't really surprised as they enter the kitchen to find Donghyuck flexing his very little gain of biceps in front of you and you booing at him with your thumb pointing downwards. Once you notice Jaemin, Renjun notices how you tense up a bit, and he immediately comes rushing to your side to feel you slightly relax with his arm around your shoulder.

"Long time no see-" Donghyuck squints at the lettering on Jaemin's sweater, "orgasm donor."

"Might have not seen you, but I definitely smelled those stinkers you leave in the bathroom for me to find," Jaemin responds. Renjun is a bit surprised to find that this whole situation must have affected Jaemin enough to not even interact with his platonic soulmate in the slightest.

"You make it sound like I don't flush," Donghyuck mumbles, but it goes unnoticed since Jaemin has now turned to you.

"I want to apologize, which I should've done way sooner," Jaemin starts, and the tension in the air is scaring Renjun a bit. "I was young and a total dick, but that's no excuse. I'm sorry."

No one says anything, not even Donghyuck, who has an opinion or at least a thought on everything. It is quiet for a good while, and Renjun fears that you are not ready to forgive Jaemin, which, in all honesty, is fair, given you've lived with the trauma he gave you for years now. Renjun has tried fairly often since he found out what you went through, but he can't imagine how he would've reacted (and lived on) if his first love (who took his v-card) just left without saying anything. (He had to move to fulfill his dream of becoming an idol a year later, sadly, but they're still in touch, on and off. This also makes his encounter with you on the living room floor the other night a bit ironic, but that is besides the point right now.)

Finally, you breathe in. The anxiety in Jaemin's eyes tightens. Everyone is holding their breath.

"I forgive you." You reach out and shake Jaemin's hand. Hell breaks loose in Renjun's chest because, wow, what did he do in his past life to deserve such luck. He is so happy, he smooches your cheek. You giggle, Jaemin smiles and Donghyuck hollers in the background. This little party goes on for a moment before the atmosphere relaxes again. Donghyuck pipes up again to fill the silent moment with an unnecessary comment, "is it just me or does this situation call for a gang bang?"

"Donghyuck, I swear to God, I am going to stuff you head first into Jaemin's nut-napkin-trash can and send a picture of it to your mom," Renjun hisses, but Donghyuck seems unfazed.

"Nothing she hasn't seen before." He shrugs. Renjun decides not to question it.

_____

Renjun's life is so wonderful, he wishes someone would write a story about it. With him by your side, you actually managed to get a job which occupies you half of every other day. Although, you still live with Renjun, which he doesn't mind at all. He loves having you come home to a freshly cooked dinner, to then snuggle on the couch until you either fall asleep or start diddling.

Renjun likes when it's the second option, just like tonight, where he's seated on the floor in front of the couch with your legs draped over his shoulders as he eats you out slowly and softly. Your gentle gasps are music to his ears, the prime time movie playing in the background long forgotten and tuned out as his attention is fully on you.

The slight tugs on his hair make his stomach churn with desire, hands and mouth suddenly too eager to keep his teasing manner up as he moves up to kiss you instead. You giggle into the kiss at his fiery passion, suggesting to take things to the bedroom instead.

Renjun does not need to be told twice as he pulls you against him, making you chuckle even more, and moves you to the bedroom.

Your back hits the mattress with a soft thud as you smile excitedly at Renjun who comes climbing over your body to be at eye level with you again. His hands find your hips, caressing their way upwards while pushing the silky fabric of your shirt up in the process, allowing your braless chest to meet his hungry eyes. The rest of your clothing follows suit, Renjun feeling the flame of lust relight once again as his bare skin touches yours.

"Can we try something tonight?" You suddenly whisper, gaze trained on Renjun's face waiting impatiently for his answer. With his mouth slightly agape, he nods. His eyes jump to where your hand is suddenly touching his, following as you move it upwards to your neck, gently wrapping his smooth fingers around it and applying pressure.

Renjun gulps in awe.

"Press here when you push in," you say, eyelids fluttering as you mimic the action with your fingers against his. Renjun nods carefully, pupils blown probably as wide as yours with lust and desire, heart pounding in his chest as if it was the first time all over again. He will always feel like this around you.

Finding your entrance, Renjun coats his tip with your essence, teasing your awaiting body for another moment or so until his tip catches at your hole. He remembers your words, the grip of his fingers tightening around your throat as he slowly pushes forward, length sinking in slowly.

He's not even all the way in and he can already feel you clench around him, walls hugging him as if they're afraid of letting him go, hole almost fluttering at the feeling of being choked. All that paired with how heavenly you look wrapped up in ecstasy, pretty moans flowing freely only impacted by the way Renjun restricts the flow of air into your lungs and of blood into your brain.

Renjun loves you. He is so deeply in love with you he feels like he could laugh and cry simultaneously, stomach tickling with the all too familiar butterflies every time you look at him. He can't ever get enough of you, he needs you close to him. Never is he going to let you go. He will fight for you, whatever that might mean.

"I'm so in love with you," Renjun can't hold back saying, gently gaze caressing you lovingly. The slow pace he sets makes both of you see stars, length dragging along your walls perfectly to bring you to your shared high.

And it's probably this what makes it sting 100 times more the next morning. You were up early to go to work, kissing Renjun's forehead goodbye as he was still idling sleepily in bed. His mind is still groggy when he peels himself off the sheets and picks up his phone for the first time that day, weak hands struggling to remove the charger. Although, all sleepiness is wiped from his body the second he looks at the screen.

The pretty lock screen picture he has showing you during golden hour is hidden behind a bunch of messages that came in over night. But Renjun is not interested in the four messages he had gotten from Donghyuck ("TW: dickpic", a photo, "can i send it like this or does the slit look off to you??" and "or is it just me?????") or the Instagram reel Jaemin sent to the group chat with the message "me when i was in renjun's gf ha haaa" and Donghyuck responding with "clean".

What makes Renjun's heart drop, beat 20 times its usual speed and then drop again is the following E-Mail notification:

Dear Renjun Huang,

we feel the need to inform you that during our yearly check-ups, we noticed that there has been an incident with your account. Unfortunately, it seems like there has been a mistake made on the company's side regarding your profile.

It seems that someone has hacked into our system, gotten to your private information and pretended to be your Soulmatch™.

We dearly apologize for this mistake. To protect your safety, we have now deleted your account and all private information regarding your person. Please get in touch with us if you want to press charges against the intruder.

Of course, we will pay back the amount you have spent on our Premium Love Package immediately.

Again, our deepest apologies.

Sincerely,

The Soulmatch™ Team

Renjun is not sure how to react to this. Immediately, he checks the app, but he is logged out already. He tries to log in, but his profile is nowhere to be found.

Putting his phone down, he falls onto his back. His mind is racing with thoughts, but they do not seem to make any sense. Someone pretended to be his soulmate? He has never gotten any matches except-

Except you.

Was this... all a hoax? Were you not his soulmate? Have you been lying to him all this time? Why? What does this even mean? How did you do it? And most importantly, what is he going to do now?

Before he knows it, tears start pooling in his eyes, and soon after they drip hotly down his cheeks.

You lied to him.

Have you just used him all this time? Is everything a lie? Do you even love him back? Where did the lies begin? Does he even know who you are? Is this why you've been so secretive about every single detail of your life? Because everything is just made up?

And he just let you. He put up with all of it because he is a pathetic romantic who believes in soulmates. Because he is so desperate to find love. You lied to him with every fibre of your being. And he kissed you. He made love to you. He held you and comforted you. Hell, he even let down his best friend because of you. How could he have been so stupid?

Renjun simply has no words. And he doesn't think he has anything to say to you ever again. He just wants to know why, and how, but he doesn't want to ask you because you're going to lie your way out of it anyway, no?

Shaky legs allow him to get up and walk over into the living room where all your stuff is scattered around.

He is so stupid. He let you live with him. He trusted you without question.

And you used him.

He never wants to see you or any of your stuff ever again, he decides as he kicks against your backpack leaned against the couch, wincing in pain immediately as the contents of the backpack appear to be much more solid than he presumed. His hands grab ahold of his injured foot, causing him to pathetically jump around on one leg until he gives up and falls onto the couch. Wow, he can't even have his dramatic meltdown without being an embarrassing idiot.

The next few hours he spends mostly crying or angrily pacing around. He's thrown all your stuff into a corner and covered it with a blanket so he doesn't need to get reminded of how he's just a pathetic loser every few minutes, although it doesn't help.

He is not sure whether to be upset about the fact that you can't use your phone at work or not, he only knows that by the time 2pm comes around (the time you get off work) he starts to panic.

He is not going to face you. Not now, not like this, preferably not ever. He debates if he should call you, but knowing how easily influenced he is, he'd probably let you lull him in again. No way is he going to face you, nor your voice, nor your texts. All that's left to notify you that Renjun wants you out of his life immediately is a handwritten note to leave while he goes and takes a walk, and hopefully by the time he comes back, you and all your stuff are gone.

Unfortunately, before he can even get a pen and a piece of paper, he hears the keys jiggling as the door is being unlocked. Renjun briefly debates whether jumping out the window would hurt less than this encounter.

"Honey I'm h-" your face comes into view, and Renjun feels his heart beat up his throat. He feels so uncomfortable, so bad, so stupid, so pathetic. "What's wrong?"

Okay, great. It seems to be written all over his face how his morning went.

"Don't you have anything to say to me?" Is all he gets out, cringing at how shaky his voice is, how weak and cracked it sounds after he's dramatically sobbed for a good half of his morning.

"What do you mean?" Your brows contort, and Renjun is glad that he for once does not feel any sexual attraction to you while you're fighting. This was too much.

"Maybe how you lied to me about every single aspect of your life?"

"Huh??"

Renjun wipes his face with one hand. "Didn't know you could hack."

The utter confusion on your face turns into an expression of shock, fear even. "Oh God, oh God."

"That's right, now you remember," Renjun says passive aggressively.

"I think I'm gonna throw up," you say, not meeting Renjun's eyes as you hold your stomach.

"Listen. I'm not going to scream at you. I just want you out. Out of here and out of my life," Renjun says and is surprised at how calm he appears.

"No, no, no, please. I can explain-"

"You can explain all you want, how can I ever believe something you say ever again after all you did was lie? Do you even love me?" Renjun raises his voice against his own better judgement, tears appearing in his eyes once again, but he doesn't let them spill out. He can't give you that kind of satisfaction.

By now, you're kneeling on the floor. The one and a half meters separating you from him feel endless, you're crying restlessly and Renjun doesn't even feel a pinch of empathy for you.

"I do! I love you, please, Renjun, please, you're all I have," you beg.

At this, Renjun feels his heart shatter a little more. Maybe he does have a bit of empathy for you. At the same time, a new wave of anger arises.

"I trusted you. I gave you everything. And you just- you lied. All you did was lie!"

"That's not true! I-" you suddenly crawl over to him and Renjun takes a step back. "I promise. I love you. Maybe the beginning was- fucked up, but everything after that was sincere! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, please!"

At this point, the gates of pride can no longer contain Renjun's tears and he breaks down as well, his knees hit the floor in front of you and he begins sobbing. "How could you do this to me?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," is all you reply, hands reaching out to touch him, and he flinches back, but somehow still lets it happen, lets your arms wrap around him and burry your face in the crook of his neck as you pathetically whimper into the fabric of his shirt.

Renjun follows suit. Of course, he hates you right now, but a very big part of him is in love with you – or rather with the version of you that you made up (???). Not listening to the part of his consciousness screaming at him to stop, he wraps his arms around you as well, crying wholeheartedly against your shaking body.

He has no idea how long you sit there, his legs have gone numb at this point, everything hurts, and then you finally speak up.

"I can explain. It's not good, it's not nice, it's no excuse, but I at least want you to know the truth and not whatever truth you've made up in your head."

Renjun nods. He shouldn't, but he wants you to tell him what really happened.

He also hates that you know him so well.

You somehow find yourselves on the living room floor a few minutes later. Renjun's brought two bottles of water to hydrate after that crying fest out there.

"So, the app," you start, not meeting Renjun's eyes in the slightest. "I used to- work for them."

You take some time to let that sink in. Renjun decides he does not want to respond until the end.

"There was a huge data leakage, and I thought I had it under control, but turns out I didn't, which is why I had to meet you to get you to delete your profile- it's complicated. Or maybe I just made it complicated. But that is why.. you got that weird match. Usually, you can visit that person's profile, but obviously I couldn't have you see it was me because of- our previous encounter, which by the way wasn't planned! It was really just a coincidence!"

Renjun is unsure how this is making him feel.

"Anyway, so I came over. You went to the bathroom and I deleted the app of your phone. Silly me apparently forgot that i had to delete the profile, which is why I came back. I didn't plan for us to hook up again- or whatever. I just needed enough time to delete your profile, which I fucked up. This is already bad enough, but it gets worse."

Renjun does not like where this is going.

"Obviously, I got fired. And you know my situation by now, this was literally all I had. With what I had saved, it lasted me about half a year until I had no money left, I had no idea what to do. I applied for jobs everywhere, but no one was willing to hire me after finding out why I got fired last time. This is where it gets really fucked up. I'm sorry."

Your nervous fiddling makes Renjun believe you, even though he is not sure if he should.

"I- thought that... oh, God, this is so bad."

"Just say it," Renjun says and is not really surprised by how dead inside he sounds.

"Well, I thought that maybe if I like had sex with you again, you'd let me stay with you? I really don't know what the plan was, but... literally you're the only person I knew and... I don't know, I just thought- I guess I didn't think. But then you said you didn't want to have sex anymore, but wanted me to stay anyway- so I... used you... I mean, I still... liked you? Obviously, or else I wouldn't've slept with you.. twice! I mean- God, I'm such a horrible person.."

Renjun doesn't have to say anything to that.

"Well, and then things went so great – except for the Jaemin thing – and for the first time ever, I felt loved? Because I was? Literally, half the time I wished I would've stayed the time we first hooked up so we could have a normal relationship that isn't based on me trying to save my ass and using you... But everything was so beautiful. You made me feel safe, and I pretty much forgot about the app. I really just enjoyed being with you. I enjoyed falling in love with you. Even meeting your parents and friends, how you sorted out the Jaemin thing for me..."

Renjun believes you are genuine.

"That's it... I think.. I just- I'm sorry... I shouldn't have lied to you.. I should've just been honest from the beginning and said I made a mistake or whatever but- I don't know, I didn't. I guess I was scared? I don't know.. But please, I need you to believe me when I say everything after that was real. I love you. I like you, everything about you, and not only because you're kind and offered me a home... basically, no. I like you for you. I love you. Even if you-" you choke up briefly "decide that you don't want to be with me anymore, I just need you to believe me when I say... that I truly love you. I never lied about that, ever. Not once. And I wouldn't in a million years."

"Is that all?" Renjun asks after a minute. You, looking at him for the first time, nod. Before his heart can start beating again, before the butterflies can come back, he needs to remind himself that you used him. You used him and you lied.

"I mean, this is a lot," Renjun starts. You suddenly seem to be unable to look at him anymore. "I feel- actually I don't really know how I feel, but thank you for.. being honest, I hope?"

"I promise."

"I'm going to be honest, I feel... betrayed?"

"Rightfully so."

"I need some time to think about it... Is it.. okay.." Renjun rethinks his decision of asking you beforehand, "I'm going to need to take a walk.. clear my head, make up my mind. I'm not going to ask you to stay, but I'm also not asking you to leave. Do what you will..."

"I understand," you nod, and Renjun gets up. "Wait-"

Renjun halts and turns around to look at you getting up from your place on the carpet. "This might be.. wrong? Toxic? But... can I... if this is the last time I can... if you decide to.. not be with me... can I kiss you one last time?"

Renjun feels his throat close up at your words. Either you're a really, really good liar or you're being honest about your feelings. His breath hitches, his heart performs summersaults in his chest, and his voice trembles, "you can."

Carefully you lean in, slowly pressing your lips against his. There is not much going on, your hands gently hover on his shoulders, barely touching him at all, and your lips just stay still against his. Still, Renjun feels like a thousand silent words and a million hidden emotions clear up as his eyes close to feel you against him. His breath is shaky, he feels himself getting hot as more tears well up behind his closed lids. He really doesn't want to let you go.

As you part from him, his lips chase you for a split second before he realizes what he's doing. "I should get going."

"Be safe." You nod again and Renjun hears the threatening tears in your voice. God, how badly he wants to believe you.

'I love you, I love you!', his heart screams at him to scream at you, but he doesn't. Instead, he steps out of the room, grabs his keys, slips into his shoes and jacket, and heads out without looking back.

The cold air hits his face. Yet, unlike in the movies, he still doesn't feel any clearer. He still feels used and betrayed, he still feels like shit, but he knows he loves you. But is that enough of a reason to forgive you?

He tries to be logical, debate his options, but he can't focus. All that swirls around his brain is how your lips felt on his, and he wonders if kissing you was a mistake. This stupid, romantic mind of his...

Inevitably, after walking around the neighborhood for a good hour, thinking of nothing and everything, he decides that maybe he still isn't in the right mind to make a decision on his own. But who is he going to ask? Fucknut #1 and Serial-Fucker #2? Definitely not.

Therefore, he is glad his mother answers the phone after the second ring. Immediately, she knows something is up, and Renjun repeats the things you have told him (with less sexual details, as to be expected) to his mother who listens patiently.

Except for a "that's where I know her from!" and a short explanation how she saw a picture of you amongst your colleagues when she read that article about the love app, she just listens. Maybe he should've asked her about it back then, about the article. Maybe none of this would have happened. But then, he wouldn't have you in his life.

When he is done and asks for advice, she appears calm.

"Oh, Junnie. Love can be a funny thing. See, when I met your father, it wasn't easy either. Both of our families were against us, our lives were so different from each other, and still, there was so much connecting us that it had to be fate. I know it's hard to trust after something like this, I can only imagine what you're feeling right now, but you're a smart kid, you'll know what's right."

"But what would you do? What do you think?" Renjun asks.

His mother sighs and chuckles slightly. "Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic like you are, but... people make mistakes, Junnie. The universe brought you together so many times, I think it's fate. I don't know if you should forgive her, but I know I would."

"You would? You don't think I'm crazy? You don't think I'm letting her walk all over me?"

"Not that this should matter, but you haven't been completely honest with her either if I remember correctly?" His mom reminds him, and Renjun suddenly feels a bit lighter.

"The psychic," he mumbles.

"That's right. She told you you were going to be alone forever if you didn't meet someone by the end of this year, and that's the reason you signed up for that app in the first place. And a part of me believes that that's the reason why you even let her stay with you, why you were so willing to ignore all signs that something was up. Maybe you already knew?" His mother suggests and Renjun doesn't like it one bit how similar they are. Or maybe he does.

"How do you know me so well?" He whines, feeling a bit more confident about letting that kiss linger in his mind for so long.

"I raised you!" She chuckles and Renjun can feel himself smile. He thanks her again before ending the call before turning on his heels to head back home. God, he only hopes you're still there.

______

When Renjun unlocks the door to the apartment, his hands are shaking. It took him a good three attempts to finally get the key into the lock. Admittedly, he is nervous because, well, for obvious reasons, but he also isn't sure if you're still there. Your past of skidaddling when things get serious gives him every right to feel anxious as he listens for any signs of you still being around as he takes of his shoes.

He doesn't dare call out for you, instead he begins searching the place. He's not sure what's going to happen when he finds you since, well, it hasn't been nice of him to just leave you behind, but what was he going to do?!

His search is pointless, he realizes as he steps out of the last room, the bathroom, and you're not there. Honestly, he wasn't really confident that you'd still be there, but he had hope. What raises his eyebrow is that your stuff is still there, no longer cramped into the corner he threw them in a few hours ago, but neatly sorted and packed in case this was really the final day of your stay. But, point is: it's still there. Now why in the world would you head off and go your own way and leave all that behind.

It's then when the door is unlocked once again, your figure slipping in, red and puffy eyes meeting the puzzled Renjun standing in the hallway.

"Y-you're back," you deduct correctly, taking off your shoes and stepping inside.

"Sure am." Renjun isn't sure why he still sounds so pissed when he is here to forgive you. On a second thought, maybe he's too quick with it? Should he really listen to his mom and just- forgive you? Just like that? Oh, he already knows Donghyuck is going to put out a whole speech about how Renjun is "high on pussy" and "not thinking straight". But... he wants to. He wants to forgive you. He wanted to from the very first moment he saw that weird E-Mail. He just couldn't. And now he can... can he?

"I just went out to get your favorite snack from the little store down the street.. I thought it might... make you feel better," you finally reveal why you left the apartment and Renjun's heart jumps. "I dunno, I just- wanted to do something nice regardless of your decision." You nod to yourself.

Renjun just looks at you as you are unable to meet his eyes.

"They didn't have it, so I went to the other store, the one by the subway station, and they actually were out of stock, but I begged the guy to go check if they had some left somewhere," you inform him, shyly looking up at him, "my current state must've convinced him it was urgent." You smile weakly and motion to your face.

Renjun can't keep his strong demeanor up any longer. Two big steps (wow, he has to inform his doctor that his legs must've grown a few centimeters) and he's right in front of you, cupping your cheeks. "I love you," he simply says, your face so confused that you can only stutter a few syllables before Renjun crashes his lips to yours.

And, God, does it feel good. Honestly, he has so much more time to actually think about what you did, and what it means in the future, but he needs you here with him, right now, always and forever. Sure, it's going to take a bit for him to built his trust again, but for now, he doesn't actually care.

"I love you too," you manage to breathe out when Renjun parts from you.

"I realized a few things. And I may have been a bit dramatic? But, well, I also have a confession to make."

_____

Renjun pushed the admittedly tacky (and stereotypical? Renjun did get slight cultural appropriation vibes) curtain aside to slip into the dimly lit room, although once he entered, the aura of the room changed his mind completely. It's not that he had a sense for spirituality, but he has always been deeply interested in the matter, which made him glad his mother suggested to try it out once.

So this was it, Renjun's first Tarot card reading.

The lady had been super nice, Renjun could tell by one single glance she was competent and very able to perform this life changing reading for him.

"What question brings you here today?" She asked, shuffling her deck of cards which Renjun could not take his eyes off.

"Ask about your love life!" His mom urged beside him, giggling like the sunshine she is, and Renjun chuckled quickly before averting his eyes to look at the lady in front of them.

"Just- my future? If there is anything important I should know?" He decided since that would not exclude his mom's interests.

"Very well," the lady nodded and began shuffling the cards quicker, her hands rushing until one card fell out.

"Ah, The Fool," she explained, and Renjun frowned. His mother couldn't contain a chuckle. "Do not worry, dear. This is no description of your self. Instead The Fool can symbolize new beginnings. There is most likely change waiting for you."

Renjun felt his heart beat up his throat in a positive way, making him giddy to find out more. The lady shuffled her cards some more until two cards fell out at the same time.

"Here we have The Ace of Cups, upright, and The Lovers. There appears to be a new relationship waiting for you, a romantic one."

Renjun gently elbowed his mom next to him who seemed as erratic as he was right now.

"Oh dear, The High Priestess in reverse... this new relationship might be full of secrets, which can be good or bad, exciting or dangerous," The lady deducted, and Renjun gulped.

As she started shuffling again, three cards sprang out of the deck immediately, making even Renjun feel the urgency.

"Two of Wands, The Hermit, The Ace Of Pentacles," the lady read out, sounding worried.

"Why? What does it mean?" Renjun asked, worry also evident in his tone.

"Two of Wands might represent the urgency of this. You have to take action soon, or else – here comes The Hermit – you may find loneliness. The Ace of Pentacles shows us the time frame: one year. I get the strong feeling these cards are telling you to hurry finding that love, or you might be alone forever."

_____

"So basically that's why you've been this patient with me?"

"Basically," Renjun responds, feeling a bit bad about it, "I feel like I should've told you sooner?"

"Jun, don't worry. You're not the one who messed up here. If anything, this makes me feel a tiny bit better about how manipulative I've been..." You admit, frowning.

"Well, I'm not the only one calling the shots here," Renjun summarizes, "so I'm asking you: Do you still want to be my girlfriend?"

"Are you joking? I feel like you are," you say, a wide grin spreading over your face.

"Nope, I'm super serious," Renjun chuckles and pokes your shoulder for reasons he is not aware of.

"Wow, and here I was contemplating to offer you anal to make up for it," you joke (?).

Renjun blinks at you, his smile falling into a crooked smirk at the proposal of your kind offering. "I mean... is the offer still on the table?"

"You are such a man," you pinch him, but do not reject the idea.

"What if we did it right now? Right here?" Renjun suddenly grabs your waist, pulling you closer to his body and starts kissing your neck. His tone (hopefully) brings across that he's joking, that you obviously won't do it right now, but not never either, if you're still up for it.

"You'd be the first," you chuckle before kissing Renjun's nose.

"Stop making me hard," he mumbles before attacking you with more kisses. "I know it's only been like a few hours, but I missed you so much. Let's not fight ever again, yeah?"

"I agree," you say and Renjun pulls back to look at you. Maybe this is silly, maybe he forgives too easily, but it just feels right. The look in your eyes is so genuine, as was the offer of doing butt stuff, that Renjun is just pretty much sure that this was this one big thing every relationship has and now it will only get better.

"Or is there anything else you need to tell me," Renjun teases.

"Not a thing, you now know everything there is to know about me, which, admittedly, isn't that much.. do you have a confession to make?"

Renjun thinks for a second. "Well, just this one thing. Remember when we went to Jaemin's to talk things out? He was practically naked when I went in there and I may have stared a bit until I remembered that he is disgusting."

"Oh, word. His chest is super-"

"Hey." Renjun furrows his brows half playfully joking, half dead serious. "I get to say that. You don't."

You mimic zipping your mouth shut, locking it and throwing the key away. Renjun laughs and takes your hand in his to hold. "So, all this talk about anal and Jaemin... why don't we take this to the bedroom?"

"You really won't let this go, huh?" You smirk. "I'd say: what comes around goes around. Whatever you do to my butt, I'll do to yours."

"I believe I have never loved you more than right now," Renjun sighs before kissing you once again, on the mouth this time, and he feels like time stands still and rushes past double it's normal speed. His hands wander over your body, taking everything in, feeling you against him because you are his, once again, finally. Your hands are as excited touching him, and it dawns on Renjun that you're probably not going to make it to the bedroom, which is fine since he owns this entire place anyway (it's a rental, but you get the point).

Both of your clothes are off in no time, leaving Renjun's hands to freely roam over your naked skin, and it feels just as exhilarating as if you'd never had that fight. That stupid, stupid fight, right now, Renjun can't even remember what it was about, but that could partly be because of the lack of blood in his brain. His heavy erection is currently pressed heavenly against your lower stomach as you make out wildly, and Renjun can't even think about the usual foreplay he finds so important as you start rubbing your wetness all over him. He just wants to be in you, be connected to you, feel all of you against and around him, have the both of you desperately grinding and panting against each other.

Although, he feels kind of more dominant today, maybe there is still a very slight aftertaste of your betrayal lingering and he feels the need to show you that he can be in control over you if he wants to, or maybe he just feels extra manly and prideful today after you did everything to prove to him that you want him in your life. He decides that being on top would be enough to satisfy that need, so he gently pushes you back and lays you down on your back.

His tip brushes over your clit and you whine, a sound that is music to Renjun's ears, and when you speak up and practically beg him to just "put it in", who is he to deny you that wish?

Aligning himself with your hole, he gently pushes forward, allowing his tip to disappear between your velvety walls, and he loves how your eyes roll back and you gasp at how good he feels.

"Only the tip and you're already drooling," he observes, biting his lower lip smugly before pulling back out and repeating the action of fucking just the tip into you several times before giving in to your quiet pleas and pushes all the way in.

You choke on your moan at this, eyes glazed over with lust finding Renjun's under eyebrows furrowed by pleasure. Renjun can already feel you pulsating around him and God does that stroke his ego.

Although he decides he could be having more of an effect on you right now, so he places your legs on his shoulders instead of around his waist, and practically folds you in half to open you up for him so he can fill you deeper, so deeply his tip grazes at your cervix. To intensify your pleasure, his fingers come up to rub at your wet clit, three fingers massaging the nub in quick circles, the wetness allowing him to glide over the surface perfectly.

And your body seems to agree. In no time – Renjun's sure he must've set a new record – you announce that you're ready, seconds away from reaching your high, and Renjun thinks twice about letting you taste it. Well, you did kind of fuck up, but fuck it. Renjun loves the look on your face when you cum just too much to deny you it, instead spurring you on by telling you just how good you are for him, what a perfect girl you are and how much he loves having you cum on his cock.

Seconds later, you orgasm, clamping walls choking his dick in the best way possible, the look on your face and the moans sounding from your throat so pretty that Renjun feels like he's fallen in love all over again. When you come down, he praises you and kisses you, never missing an opportunity to tell you just how perfect you are.

"More," you whisper to him, eyelids heavy as your blurred view tries to find Renjun's eyes, and he briefly chuckles before granting your wish.

"Greedy are we?" He sets a faster pace this time, balls slapping against your ass where your wetness had already dripped down and probably seeped into the couch. Renjun feels so good, so happy, so fulfilled, and he is once again reminded why it was the right decision to forgive you. He is such a man, he thinks, and is reminded of a few minutes ago when you said that to him.

"Can you turn around for me, baby?" He asks, suddenly in the mood to watch your ass as he repeatedly disappears into you, and you comply, allowing him to pull out before getting on your hands and knees. Renjun grins seeing your beautiful ass in front of him, he gently slaps it two times before gently pressing on your back to get you to lie down for him again, though this time on your stomach. He enters you again, filling you up perfectly once again, like you were made for each other, and he puts his entire weight on you to be able to still whisper in your ear.

His fingers find your hair, not to pull, just to be there so you feel it, and as he rams himself inside repeatedly, he mumbles the dirtiest things to you, about how well you're taking him, how beautiful you look underneath him and how much he just loves to fuck you. And yes, he even goes into detail (damnit Donghyuck) about how perfectly tight you are for him. A hand sneaks between your body and the couch, fingers quickly finding your clit again and you whine.

"'s so good," you say, voice trembling, "love you s'much."

"I love you too, baby," Renjun responds, grinning ear to ear like a maniac because he just loves this effect he has on you. This might just be a fantasy, but he's sure he's the only one who could ever make you feel this good. And admittedly, even right now when you're not doing much except take it, you make him feel just as good.

"Fuck, I think I'm gonna cum," he grunts, and you whine, cunt clenching around him at the mere prospect of him reaching his high.

"Me too, God," you manage to bring out.

"Where do you want it?" Renjun asks. Although he already knows your answer, he loves hearing you say it.

"I-inside, please," you mewl, arching your back a bit more to give him perfect access, "cu- cumming, cumming, cumming."

And just as you orgasm around him, walls wrapping around Renjun's cock impossibly tight, he follows suit, pressing his hips against your ass to fill you as deeply as possible. He pushes in a few more times to really get it all in there, have all his cum so deep inside you'll still feel it the next day.

"God, fuck, I love you so much," he pants, now a little exhausted as the adrenaline washes off. He pulls out, allowing you to turn around on your back and smile at him. God, he loves seeing you fucked out like this.

"I love you," you reply, then your nose scrunches and Renjun remembers that, when you shoot cum inside someone, it's going to inevitably drip back out, and he doesn't have to ruin his couch any more than he already did.

______

Renjun's arm is draped over your body, cuddling and talking in bed after the intense 4 rounds you just had, and maybe Renjun should've seen it coming, but honestly? How could he? So he jumps as he hears the doorbell ring.

"Who the fuck..." he mumbles as he gets up, puts on some underwear (at least) and stumbles to the door.

"Tell them to come back tomorrow, I'm not done with you," you giggle behind him as you slip into one of Renjun's shirts and a pair of panties you find laying on the floor. Renjun grins and throws you a wink before turning on the speaker.

"Hello?"

"Congratulations!"

"What the fuck are you asshats doing here?" Renjun groans and hides his face in his unoccupied hand. You have stepped over and are now pressing your ear against the speaker to be able to listen as well.

"We heard the news and came to celebrate?" Jaemin says.

"Actually, we didn't know how it went so we brought booze either for celebrating or for condolences. We took a wild guess," Donghyuck adds.

"How do you even-"

"Your mom told me."

"I don't think I appreciate you being involved with my mom..."

"Your words, not mine. Now open up."

"We're not exactly... dressed appropriately," Renjun informs and he can hear Jaemin howl and Donghyuck laugh.

"Let us in, we'll give you 2 minutes," Jaemin says.

"As if I'm going to believe you'd be passing an opportunity to barge in and see my girlfriend in her undies," Renjun says.

"Open up!" Donghyuck pushes.

"We just fucked four times!" You chime in, and Renjun isn't sure why you needed to clarify what didn't need to be clarified. Especially since, except for a few cheers that die down quickly, it's silent for a good 20 seconds until Donghyuck informs you that the old lady living two floors below just came home and most definitely heard that.

"Just let us in," Jaemin shouts right into the speaker and Renjun has to hold it away from his ear to not go deaf.

"Are you okay with this? I'm sure I could make them leave... somehow..."

"Sure! I could take two more," you joke and Renjun squints at you, making you teasingly roll your eyes. "Kidding."

"Okay, give us a few," Renjun says and just hangs up before they can complain. You both run into the bedroom and get changed into relatively acceptable clothing and Renjun has the decency to at least open a window to make the strong smell of sex lighten a bit before he checks in with you again, then opens the door.

Donghyuck and Jaemin's hollers can be heard echoing through the hallways until they finally show up at Renjun's door step.

"Nice work, man," Jaemin compliments as he sees the state of your still slightly tousled hair, and pats Renjun's back. They take off their shoes and let themselves in. While Jaemin stores the alcohol they brought in the fridge, Donghyuck skips into the living room to occupy Renjun's phone charger.

Oh, no. The living room.

Renjun darts after him, holding onto the door frame to not fall from the immense speed of his sprint, but it's too late. Donghyuck is already grinning at the used tissues scattered around the place and Renjun's underwear dangling from the uplight.

"You really are just high on pussy, it seems," Donghyuck teases, clearly hinting at how Renjun forgave you too (?) quickly. "You're not thinking straight. Or too straight..."

"You don't even know the whole story," Renjun defends himself while crossing his arms.

"Don't worry man, I'm not judging. I feel like this is the right thing for you," Donghyuck says and Renjun is surprised at his choice of words... such a... lack of disgusting-ness? Donghyuck even trots over and places a brotherly hand on Renjun's shoulder and gives him a smile.

"Thank you," Renjun says and means it. Donghyuck takes a few steps back, bows, then his eyes lock in on something on the floor.

"I think I'm taking these with me," Donghyuck announces before bending down further and holding up your panties with his forefinger.

"Don't you dare-" Renjun warns, but Donghyuck already started pushing the fabric into his pocket.

"Take it out," you say, suddenly appearing behind Renjun. Donghyuck seems taken aback, especially as you step over and grab his hair. "Give. Them. Back."

You pull hard, only once, and Donghyuck moans, but complies, and Renjun is party impressed and partly enraged.

"Starting without me?" Jaemin grins as he, too, has appeared in the room by now.

"Guys, I think we need some boundaries regarding my girlfriend," Renjun hisses through grit teeth. You agree, finally letting go of Donghyuck's hair who falls to his knees. Jaemin shrugs and sits down on the couch just as Renjun stuffs the used tissues into his pocket.

"What do you say?" You address Donghyuck who whines out a pathetic apology. You grin. "Sorry, this is kind of fun," you whisper to Renjun.

"I mean if you want to, you could talk like that to me every once in a while-" Renjun mumbles back, immediately feeling you cling to his side.

"Yeah?" You bite your lip.

"There was some talk about boundaries?" Jaemin recalls and you back off a bit. "When I can't have it, at least don't rub it in my face- unless you're going to literally rub it in my face-"

"I swear to God-"

© 2023 YUTASBELLYBUTTONPIERCING all rights reserved — please DO NOT translate, take, nor repost any of my works.

[demonsword586]

Leviathan Attacker story part 1

(I would like to apoligise. I play the ps version and tumblr doesn't let me post full on dick pics,so no pp😔. Anyway enjoy the 1.part of Levi's attacker story and I shall post more in following days.)

A long wide hallway with soothing classical music and the faint scent of flowers.

The palace of Hades was lofty and beautiful as though showing it's master's prefrences.

Click,click,click...

You hurried through the beautiful corridor as fast as you could without breaking the courtesy.

Right. You were lightly running.

You wanted to take your time exploring the palace which was a work of art in and of itelf,but-

A few hours ago in Gehenna.

Satan: Go and hand him this chest and come back right away. If you're late even in the slightest,I'm going to take everyone and invade Hades.

Sitri: Really?

Satan: Shall I do it now?

Sitri: N-No. His Majesty Satan is a man of his word.

Satan handed you a black chest with about fifty locks and began to fume.

Satan: The bastard had just used something that Gehenna had helped him with before.

Sitri: That bastard being....?

Satan: Leviathan,of course. I shoudn't have acted cool in the moment and said 'I'll grant you one request,whatever it may be'!! Damn it!!!

Ppyong who happened to be next to Satan,got kicked by Satan and disappeared into the sky in a beautiful parabola.

(bg changes to the sky and Ppyong slowly disappearing)

Ppyong: Ppyoooooooooooong~~~~~

(bg going back to Gehenna streets)

Satan: He chose MC to bring this to him...What an impertinent guy...

Satan kept fuming as though he coudn't calm down.

Sitri explained in Satan's place as though he thought his king was incapable of proper conversation anymore.

Sitri: This chest is called <Anti Pandora's box>

Sitri: It's an object that Morgan le Fay had until the end,but it came into Gehenna's possesion when she made a deal with Satan to dethrone king Arthur.

Sitri: His Majesty cherished it because it's a terrible object with the emotions of all hypocrisy.

Sitri: That's why he's raging.

Sitri: I don't want to hand over the < Anti Pandora's box>,but he even made you Solomon as the deliverer,so his Majesty Satan's rage will soon....

Passing devil: Argh,aaaaaahhh~~~~!

Another devil standing near Satan got kicked by Satan and disappearedinto the sky.

Sitri: ...I was going to tell you to get going,because I expected his Majesty's anger would gradate because of his depression...

Satan: That impertinent bastard!!! I'm going to invade Hades!!! ARGHHHH!!!!

Just when the raging Satan was looking for the next devil to kick,someone furtively pushed a teddy bear into Satan's hand. It was Leraye.

Like how Satan kicked everything that touched his feet,he almost instinctively held it separately by it's head and body to rip it when something touched his hand.

Rip--! Riippp!!!

Ppyong: Ehhh!!!

Rubbing his swollen bottom as he returned,Ppyong looked afraid at the brutal sight.

Unlike the scared Ppyong,Leraye was about to happily pick up the body of the teddy bear after Satan fumingly separated its head from its body.

Thwack!!!

Satan also kicked Leraye who had approached into the distance.

(bg changes to Leraye getting kicked)

Leraye: Aaaarghhh!!

Leraye screams of deep joy faded into the distance.

(bg changes back to Hades halls)

MC: (Is the secret to Gehenna devils having bouncy butts indeed because of Satan's kicks...but I'm still a bit scared.)

You could still clearly see Satan raging like a dragon breathing fire and hurried on.

MC:(I'll hand it over and get back quickly!)

You somehow found it difficult to visit Leviathan.

Partly because he was so beautiful and out of this world,but also because you didn't know when he was going to get frustrated and strangle you.

Sometimes,you thought the heavy emotion of sadness and not speaking the same language may be one o the reasons,but there was also a part of you that wanted to see Leviathan after all this time.

In other words,you had ambivalent feelings about meeting Leviathan,like you liked it but didn't like it.

So confirming your emotions was also a reason why you were hurrying your footsteps. And...

Clink,clink,clink!

MC: (I want to put down this omnous black chest that seems to be wriggling and making sounds from a while ago..)

Just then you remembered what Sitri beseeched you again and again before leaving Gehenna.

Sitri: (Never. Never think about opening it. It would be incomparable to opening Pandora's box)

Sitri: (So please. Never open it.)

MC: ( Right. Let's just see Leviathan's handsome face,give him the chest and go back...)

Maybe because you had been lightly running,but you soon researched the hall where Leviathan was faster than you expected.

The gatekeeper recognized you and bowed to say hello.

Then,he was about to open the door for you when he suddenly stopped moving and leaned toward you a little to speak in the quiet voice.

Guard devil: That's the <Anti Pandora's box>! Wait,rather,you're here today..!

MC: Huh? Is today a special day?

Guard devil: It is special in a way...

Guard devil: But take care. I dared give you advice since everyone in Hades like you very much although they pretended not to.

MC: ???

Unable to understand the gatekeeper,you were about to ask back

When he hurriedly opened the door again as though explaining in detail would put him in trouble.

No,he tried to open the door,when he pulled an expression as though he was saying 'I knew it. This won't work.' and added.

Guard devil: Please,don't even thibk about opening that chest.

With the gatekeeper's amxious voice,the door opened.

Creaaak-

(bg changes to Hades throne room)

The massive doors that were like the mouth of Leviathan's monster opened up and revealed a hall as eerily silent as ever.

The dozends of devils filling the halls were bowing a little,standing on either side of the long carpet in the middle.

But even with all those devils breathing at the same time,there was barely an intake of breath let alone a movement.

You walked through them to stand right under Leviathan's throne that was at the end of the hall.

Leviathan: .....

Mc: (He won't even say hi?!)

Leviathan looked down at you with an odd look in his eyes.

His hair, an odd wheat-color mass that looked as if God has made it just for Leviathan,sweapt across his forehead.

And long full lashes cast mysterious shadows over his clear pupils.

Not only that but his shimmering skin which seemed to self-luminiscence in the dark looked beautiful like it had been sprinkled with stardust.

Just the fact that he was looking at you made you feel like you were more privilaged than anyone else in the universe.

Mc: (Still...is it so hard to say hello?!)

Everyone else would have their tails between their legs when facing an absolute beauty that can crush all logic-but you were diffrent.

Just the fact that he was looking at you made you feel like you were more privliged than anyone else in the universe.

MC: Leviathan,I'm here. How can't you even say hello? That's sad. Satan told me to give this to you!

When you handed Leviathan the omnious black chest in your hand,the silent hall began to stir.

Subject: Even if she/he is the daughter/son of Solomon,how dare she/he calls his supreme,great Majesty Leviathan by name....!

Subject: Wait,but isn't this the <Anti Pandora's box>! How can that omnious object be here in Hades?!

Subject: That's not the problem! That attitude! It's so unhesitant! It's...yeah....it's basiclly treason!

Subject: Argh! Is that the <Anti Pandora's box>?! I-I should request a day off!!!

The servants who were boisterous as usual became even more boisterous,chatting away at your insolence and the black chest,but you heard none of it.

Leviathan was the only one that concernwd you right now.

Leviathan: .....

Leviathan said nothing in reply and only stared down at you from his throne.

He wasn't staring at Satan's object in your hands.

He was looking solely at you as if he coudn't see the countless devils around him.

Leviathan: .....

MC: (He's not usually talkitive....but today he's just strange!)

Feeling doubious you were about to call Leviathan one more time.

When he stood up from his seat and took off his jacket at the same time.

With nonchalant expression,he rwmoved his outer robe,his arms sliding out of the garment and thrusting his toned chest forward.

At that moment his nipples which were hidden inside the thin shirt jutted out over the shirt,creating small shadows beneath them.

The figure quickly disappeared as he retrached his outstreached chest,but the fleeting sight ytuck in your mind.

You and his subjects all held your breaths for a moment as you watched the garment slide gently off his body.

MC: ( W-What's that? All he's doing is taking off his outer robe...how can he look so vigurous?!)

It was a simple act of 'stripping',but it was so rich and intense that you realized nothing could move a woman's heart like that,even if the most charming man on the planet was flirting with her in a commited way.

Your heart began to race so loudly that thw other devils could hear it and suprisingly,you felt yourself getting wet by the simple act in itself.

As you blushed in secret embarrassment,rhe jacketless Leviathan walked down from his throne and stood before you.

MC: Levia-

Leviathan: Shut up.

Leviathan stopped you and said in a low,mumbled voice.

And then grabbed you by the throat with his thin,pretty hand rhat was larger than it looked as he lifted you off your feet.

MC: Kurgh?!

In an instant,you were strangled and your feet were off the ground,your eyes wide in suprise at the suddwn situation.

MC: Urgh, khgh...

Floating in midair,your eyes met Leviathan's eye level which was taller than you.

It allowed you to look him in the eyes and glare.

MC: ( What is it this time?)

Because you thought of lewd things while looking at Leviathan?

Mc: ( But that's not just me! It's because you look lewd!)

Thinking of things that won't make hjm stare at you in disgust you were about to voiced it out-

MC: (Eh wait. Leviathan's state)

*Leviathan blushes*

You though he was looking down at you indiffrently,but there was an unknown fever in his eyes.

Leviathan's expressions were normally difficult to read,but this time !ou could see his emotions.

MC: (He's...mad..)

You felt a strange mixture of excitment and fear at Leviathan's completly crazy expeession.

But your thoughts coudn't continue.

Leviathan took off his glove from his other hand with his teeth,raised his hand to place it on your chest and slashed down vertically.

With a rip- all your clothes that you were wearing rore in half at knce,splitting into two and falling down.

With Leviathan's single movement,you turned naked in midair,with his hand on your throat.

At the same time all the soldiers and servants in the hall looked away and knelt down.

It was a gesture of loyalty to not covet Leviathan's possesions,a gesture to make this place as empty as possible.

MC: W-What are you doing?

You hurriedly covered your chest.

Soon a devil each stepped out from the back feom the group of devils that stood bisected on either side of the purple carpet.

They moved and kept their eyes averted as though thwy werw determined not to looka t your direction.

Soon the two turned away and slowly,lovjngly began to unbuttoned Leviathan's pants

You saw Leviathan's hardened penis rising above his boxers as his pants were pulled down.

You closed your thighs tightly,embarrassed in your strangled state.

They carefully stripped Leviathan down ro his boxers,then laid them aside and walked back to their positions,heads bowed.

When you opened your eyes,you saw Leviathan' beautiful body that was naked.

At the same time Leviathan's penis was clearly visible as he stood here,uncovered,without pants or boxers.

MC: ( W-Was he that big before?)

Leviathan's beautiful pink penis was somehow as moist and flustured as the corners of his eyes.

You wondered if you were weird for thinking your partner's erect penis was beautiful, even when he was strangling you.

Or if Leviathan was strange for getting hard while strangling you.

The thick smell coming from the lower half of Leviathan body made your mind hazzy.

With you in his grip,Leviathan was soon breathing roughly.

The fact that you were in the hands of a beautiful king who had gone mad was begining to stimulate you.

Leviathan's penis which coudn't have risen any higher,nodded a few more times before starting to ooze a white liquid.

MC: (Is he coming? No...that's something else...)

The liquid that had begun to flow from the tip of Leviathan's penis enveloped the entirety of his penis and eventually dripped on the floor qith a dull sound.

The devil,the biggest beast in mythology - said to be able to even swallow Heaven - is acting like a male in a rut

The crystallization of a male. The essence that only a male can produce,was flowing out of his body like a fountain.

Such that although you only thought about it for a moment,a small puddle has formed on the ground.

You felt that with that amount,there would be no creature that coudn't be fertilized.

No,it was not slowing down any time soon. The liquid was gushing out so much,you coudn't even tell how much of it was there.

MC: (Amazing.)

You thought and with your face dark red from the rushing of blood,licked your lips without realizing it.

Your perverted nature,unrivaled amongs humans,felt happy to be able to witness such a spectacle.

As you reached the limit of your oxygen supply and your eyes began to fall back,you felt a lightning bolt of pleasure strike your wet lower half.

MC: Kurgh...urgh...!!

As you wrapped your arms around Leviathan's neck,unable to control your excitment,his penis jerked highly once more.

And holding you up with his hand,he thrust his wet pillar inside you.

Fwolp!

MC: !!!!

Leviathan's already wet pillar slid unresistingly inside you.

At the same time,the hand holding your throat loosened and the blocked airway opened once again,sending tickling sensations throughout your body.

You trembled at the exploding pleasure for a moment.

Now,you were in Leviathan's arms as his penis penetrated you.

When you looked up,you could see Leviathan looking down at you.

Looking at his face which was still crazy but the most beautiful face you'd ever seen,you quickly looked away in embarrassment.

Leviathan: Don't...be cold...

MC: (What?)

Blankly murmuring incompregensable words,Leviathan held your bottom with his hand and began to walk with his penis inside you.

MC: W-Wait! This position! Ugh...My stomach is filling up!

Leviathan's object continued oozing white liquid and your stomach was filled with his liquid to the point it looked slightly convex.

As he began to walk,you could even hear the sloshing in your gut. And everytime his feet crossed,a gap opened where you were connected to him and white liquid gurgled and leaked out onto the ground.

MC: (Are we Hansel and Gretel?! This is embarrassing!)

Where Leviathan walked,a white path was being made of the liquid that came out of him,went into you and came back out again.

Being around devils filled your perverted mind with pleasure's you never seen or imagined. It was like that again.

Now you began to enjoy it. You had pressed your own button.

MC: Where...Tell me where are we going?...Ah,ughh...I love it...

Leviathan: To somewhere safe.

Leviathan said something you coudn't understand,but watching his mad and beautiful face made you tremble with happiness.

None of the subjects raised thwir heads or criticized you until the moment Leviathan left through the door at the end of the hall.

You left rhat silent,uncanny loyalty behind and began to move,impaled by Leviathan and carried by him.

Feeling his wet pillar entered you even deeper and left you each time Leviathan took a step.

And the slickness of Leviathan's fluid filling your stomach, and the sound of it dripping onto the floor.

[its-time-to-write]

hello! only if you’re comfortable with writing it of course, could i request a fic where the reader has a really bad day at work and jamie comes over with snacks to watch movies and stuff while giving the reader reassurance?🫶

no pressure ofc!!

-xx<3

Plot? We don’t know her. Thanks for requesting! This helped me put of my slump a little

send for me

“Argh!” You slam the door to your flat in frustration and throw your bag on the floor so hard it bounces. It’s been an absolute shit day. Everything that could possibly have gone wrong, went wrong, and somehow it became your responsibility to fix it. It was like one of those dreams where you can never get where you’re going no matter how fast you run. You always seem to end up going backwards.

But now you’re home and you’re free to scream to the void in peace. You trudge to your room and flop facedown on your bed, shoes and clothes still on, resolving not to move until the sun comes up.

You’re there for maybe ten seconds when your stomach grumbles. Shit.

You groan and roll over. You should probably eat something. Hopefully there are good leftovers in the fridge because you are absolutely not cooking. You remember that you just cleaned everything out yesterday and you’re pretty sure that nothing could make this day worse. 

You pull out your phone to order takeout and see you have a missed text from one Jamie Tartt. 

Double shit.

With the way today’s going, it’s probably a breakup text.

(It’s not, you’re just dramatic.)

What it actually says is, Hey love, how was ur day? ;)

You smile ever so slightly, despite yourself.

You reply with a singular: shitty to which Jamie says, be over in 20.

—

You hear the key turn in your door almost exactly twenty minutes later, and you have not moved from the bed. 

That’s actually not true, you moved once to roll back over onto your stomach.

You can hear Jamie moving around in the kitchen before coming into the bedroom.

You hear his footsteps stop at the foot of your bed. 

“Babe,” he says.

You grunt in response.

“Have you been here the whole fucking time?”

“Jamie Tartt,” you say, face still pressed into your pillow, “you better wipe that goddamn smile off your face before I flip over.”

“How’d you even know I was smiling?” he says defensively, and you don’t need to look at him to know that he still is. You roll over to face him.

Jamie makes what he calls his “empathy face.”

“Aw, babe,” he says. “You didn’t even change out of your work clothes?”

You shake your head, making no effort to get up.

Jamie shakes his head back at you and then, without warning, flops on top of you.

“Jamie!” you shriek, “get off!”

You try to shove him off you, but you swear he wills himself to be heavier.

“Nope,” he says, voice muffled due to the fact that his head is in the crook of your neck.

You wiggle a few times, then give up, succumbing to giggles. Jamie pushes himself up a little bit and grins.

“There it is!” he says. “Fucking best part of me day.” He’s getting up just as fast as he laid down. “Let’s get you into some pajamas, yeah?”

You sit up and let Jamie take off your work clothes and maneuver you into an old t-shirt and sweatpants. He’s been over enough times that he knows where everything is. He can’t resist making a comment about your semi-naked body, one that makes you blush and smack him, while he sticks his tongue out at you. The only way to get rid of that cocky look is to kiss it off his face, so you do. You’re kissing him and he’s sliding his hands up your shirt so you move to take it off but he grabs your hands and says, “Oi!”

You still. “What?”

“Took me forever to get you out of bed, I’ll get you back in it but I brought food. It’s in the kitchen and it’s gettin’ cold.”

You squint at him. “Fine. But after that you’re going to fuck me so good that I’m going to completely forget this fucking awful day.”

Jamie gives you a small salute and says, “Yes boss,” before hauling you over his shoulder and into the kitchen.

—

You’re halfway through the pizza he brought when you say, “Should you be eating this?”

He shrugs. “Dunno. What Roy don’t know won’t kill him.”

You laugh and lapse back into silence.

You both have a few more bites when Jamie asks, “D’you want to talk about it?”

You glare at the slice you’re holding. “No. Yes. I don’t know.”

Jamie waits expectantly.

“It just fucking sucked,” you say frankly. “Everything went wrong. I had to deal with it. I didn’t get anything done that I needed to, and I’m pretty sure that I’m going to get in trouble for it tomorrow. And I hate that shit. None of it was my fault but fucking Matt from HR is going to tell everyone that it was because he fucking hates me.”

Jamie nods. “Fuck Matt from HR,” he says. 

You shrug. “I just want to, I don’t know, reset my fucking heart rate to a normal pace. It’s all batshit crazy because I’m so stressed. And tired. And I’ve sworn more today than I have in my entire fucking life.”

Jamie laughs at that. “Gonna give Roy a run for his money, ey?” he asks.

“I’ve been thinking about letting my eyebrows go,” you say seriously. “Go for the full look.”

“One’s enough, babe.” Jamie shudders. “Hey, when you’re done, we’re gonna watch a movie.”

You open your mouth to protest but he shushes you. “Don’t want to hear it, this is your one opportunity to make me watch a movie of your choice, no complaints.”

You raise an eyebrow.

“Fine, some complaints.”

—

You picked Jamie’s season of Lust Conquers All. Hey, he said minimal complaining. Plus, he adds a nice narrative. He has a lot of things to say about it.

The credits are rolling on episode three, and you and Jamie are sitting on your couch. Well, he’s sitting. You’re laying down with your legs across his lap. He wraps an arm around you waist and pulls you onto his lap for a kiss.

“Babe,” he says between kisses, “did you mean what you said earlier? We can just go to sleep if you want.”

You smile. “Take me to bed Tartt.”

Jamie smiles back then stops. “Wait. Did you mean, like, to sleep or..?”

You roll your eyes. “For sex, Jamie.”

Jamie grins again. “Right, yeah, that’s what I thought, just wanted to be sure.”

You stand up and he follows, letting you pull him to the bedroom.

He says, “Lead the way, boss,” and you tell him you’re pretty sure you can work with that. 

It’s a better ending to the day than you thought it was going to be.

[confessionbrain-writings]

Jumping Crate - Henry Cavill

Summary: You are in the gym and struggle with this fear of jumping onto a wooden crate. Unfortunately your friend can’t stay to help you out but then there is this handsome hero who saves the day.

Pairing: Henry Cavill x Reader

Warnings: none really, just some fluff, maybe swearing

Word count: approx 2,4k

A/N: Hi there darlings! So I had this story written out quite fast but was struggling with the ending so it took me more time than I anticipated. I placed a poll where I asked if this should be with Henry of Syverson and I have to tell you it got so close! There were 76 votes where 53.9% was in favor of Henry so here we are. But Sy lovers don’t worry, I have so much more ideas which I have to write out so stay tuned. In the meanwhile you can check my Masterlist for my other work including both Henry and Sy.

English isn’t my mother tongue so apologies for typos or mistakes. Feedback is very welcome!

“Please wait and hold my hand! I can’t do this on my own!” You whined and waved your hands while bouncing up and down in front of the wooden crate. 

Jack shook his head. “Come on, you’ve jumped onto the crate for a dozen times now.”

A deep sigh rolled over your lips as you wiped your sweaty hands over your shorts and watched how Jack picked up his bag, ready to head out the gym which he has been trying to do for fifteen minutes now. But you begged him to help you and here you were.

After he took another sip from his water he shared some final encouraging words and patted your shoulder. “You’ve got this. I’m sure you can do it yourself!”

“Well and I am pretty sure I have to gather my teeth from the floor if I try it by myself, but thank you!” You called after him sarcastically and saw how a smile appeared upon his face before the transparent glass door closed behind him.

You placed your hands on your sides. “You better not make me trip and spit out my entire teeth. I don’t have money to get it fixed.” You mumbled while rolling your shoulders back.

Taking a deep breath you bend your knees a little bit, making sure to distribute your weight while moving your arms slightly backwards, just like Jack told you. Except this time he wasn’t there to hold your hand. The nerves and adrenaline raced through your bloodstream. 

Three.. two.. one.. You held your breath and started to straighten your legs, pushing your weight up and moving your arms along with it. But the fear of falling face first onto the light oak surface was too big, causing your movement to falter.  A small squeal passed your lips as you quickly outstretched your arms. Catching yourself by placing your palms on top while your bare knees scraped the wood.

A soft curse escaped your lips. “Fucking bitch.” A little frustrated you wiped your forehead.

How fucking hard could it be to jump onto this fucking box? The one thing holding you back was your fear of tripping and hurting yourself. But come on! As a kid you used to jump on and off of things all the freaking time. This box wouldn’t be any different, right? You closed your eyes for a moment and licked your lips. Collecting some perseverance you opened your eyes. 

Alright, again.

Taking a gulp of air you repeated your movements with a little more confidence this time. But somehow your body locked up, resulting to end up on your hands and knees again. 

Exhaling irritated you bit your lip but got ready for another try. 

Again.

This time the tips of your shoes scraped the top of the box but ended up on your palms again.

“Argh fuck!” You breathed and kicked the wooden box. 

There had to be at least one try where you would succeed. You had to. You wouldn’t leave till you’ve jumped onto the crate at least once.

Sweat started to form on your brow. Again.

You tried for another three times and got better with every attempt. Coming so close now that you had the front of your left foot onto the wooden surface. That was an accomplishment!

Feeling more confident you decided to give it a go right-away and repeated the jump. But this time you didn’t lift your left foot high enough causing you to hit the front instead. The motion making you lose your balance. With a yelp and waving your hands to compensate your balance - but to no avail - you fell onto your ass. 

The sudden tumble punched the air out of your lungs and you groaned. 

“Are you alright there?” You heard a deep voice say and you waved your hand, not able to speak properly while catching your breath and staring at the floor.

An extended hand came into your sight. You eyed it for a moment, taking it in. The hand was big and without a doubt of a man. A rugged one.

With your breath returning to normal you swallowed and accepted the outstretched hand blindly. Sliding your hand into his and felt the roughness of his palm. In a swift and strong motion it had pulled you to your feet. You followed your connected hands, moving on to his exposed arms - or more like guns, like Jack would say - and continued your path of stare and it was like all the air was punched from your lungs again when you looked at the corresponding face.

Oh my freaking god. The person attached to the hand you were holding was absolutely drop-dead gorgeous and even though you usually could keep your cool around handsome man, his dazzling look caught you a bit of guard.

You cleared your throat. “I uh.. hi.” 

“Hi.” The handsome stranger answered and looked down at your still intertwined hands.

“Oh!” You sheepishly said and let go of his hand. “Sorry!”

You watched how his lips curled up, giving you a warm smile. “Don’t worry about it.”

Oh goodness, this man was freaking handsome. His Adonis-like body was covered in a black top with matching shorts, hugging his well trained frame and his eyes.. bloody hell, his eyes were ocean-blue and stared straight into yours. A couple dark-brown curls which were carrying a few drops of sweat covered his forehead. With the back of his hand he wiped the curls back, the motion making his bicep bulge and you swallowed as you felt a flutter in your lower stomach.

“I saw you trying to get onto the crate, do you need a hand with that?” His question made you realize that you were shamelessly starring at him. Shit, get it together!

You looked at the crate and your eyes narrowed, as if you forgot what you were doing. “Yeah..” You started, “I am trying to get onto this stupid crate. My friend helped me earlier by holding my hand and I had no trouble getting onto it. But when I want to try it myself I somehow seem to lock up. Afraid that I will fall face first and lose my teeth.” Frustration lacing your voice as you sighed.

The stranger grinned and folded his arms. “Alright, let’s see it.” He said, waving a hand to the crate before returning to his pose. 

You blinked. “You want me to jump? Or.. at least try to?”

“Yes,” he simply answered and shrugged, “how else can I help you?”

“Good point.” You mumbled and stood in front of the crate. “But I expect you to catch me if I fall again.” That statement made his lip twitch and he nodded. “I got you.”

You took a deep breath and made a move to get onto the crate, but like the other attempts you failed and if it wasn’t for the striking stranger quickly shooting forward placing his strong hands on your hips you’d be flat on your ass again. 

The way his broad hands had grabbed you made your blood thrum for a whole different reason. You swallowed thickly and stepped out of his embrace.

“Thanks for catching me.”

He smiled. “My pleasure.”

Well, it was definitely my pleasure, you thought, but you quickly pressed your lips together before the words could tumble out of your mouth.

“Okay, so I think you need to bend your knees even further and really bring them to your chest when you jump up. That way you’re making sure to get your entire feet onto the crate instead of just your toes.”

You really tried your best to focus on his words and nodded like you understood him. But at the same time you were also wandering how he would look without his sport-outfit, how his skin would stretch over his thick muscles, how he would feel hovering over — 

“Questions?” He asked.

Yes, please take your clothes off. “No all quite clear, let me try.” You took a deep breath, rolling your shoulders back. Okay focus. Again.

This time you did like he asked and to your surprise both of your soles were planted onto the surface, except now you were in an uncomfortable crouch which threw you off balance. With a yelp and wave of your arms you were heading for the floor, but again, he was right there to catch you.

“You see,” he said happily and helped you to your feet. “You’re getting there, let’s go again. But now make sure to swing your arms harder and try to stretch up when you hit the top. Alright?”

Gods, his deep voice was so sexy. If he would ask you to hold your breath and count to 100 you would do it. “Yes.”

Rubbing your hands together you regained your position, trying to ignore his burning gaze and his fine hands, ready to catch you again. 

Taking a breath in through your nose, holding it a few second and blowing out of your mouth you went for it again. Feeling more confident but just when you jumped the fear of falling clouded your mind, causing you to halter your movement. 

A laugh escaped you while the stranger straightened from his position, grinning and cocking a brow at you. 

“I’m sorry, I just got scared all of the sudden. It’s so stupid!” You explained and pressed your palms into your eyes. Suddenly feeling a bit ashamed.

A shudder ran down your spine as your felt two warm hands grab your wrists, tugging at them gently to reveal your eyes so you could meet the kind bright ones.

“You know what, why don’t you hold my hand if that makes you feel more secure. Then I can also check your form and can probably tell you how to do it on your own.” 

Struggling to find the right words to answer you nodded and gladly reached out for his extended hand. My goodness, you knew you weren’t the biggest or tallest but your hand almost disappeared in his.

“Ready?” You nodded again and brought your focus onto the crate in front of you as he counted down. “Three.. two.. one!” You squeezed his hand and jumped up, both of your feet landed on top of the crate and you straightened your legs. Now standing tall while holding his hand.

“Look at you!” He said and you almost were sad when he let go of your hand to give you a small applause. 

You rolled your eyes at him but couldn’t hide the grin which tugged at your lips. “Urgh, it’s just how far I got with my friend, it’s pathetic.”

His brows furrowed. “Don’t say that.” Your grin faded quickly at the seriousness in his voice. “You’re more capable of than you know. Have faith in yourself, alright?”

You fluttered your lashes as you felt your cheeks warm. “You’re right, I’m sorry. Feel free to continue your work-out, I don’t want to hold you off.”

“You’re not, I volunteered remember? Your posture is good, it's just in your head. You know what, let’s put a reward to it so it will give you more motivation.” He pointed at the crate again, gesturing to get into position again. 

“Alright? Like what?” You answered and bended your knees again. 

To be honest you didn’t need to think twice about the reward but to answer his question with ‘you’ would probably not be appropriate and besides you didn’t want to scare him off. 

“Let me treat you on a delicious smoothie from across the street, they just opened last week and they are amazing. You definitely deserve one but only if you make it onto the crate.” He challenged you and gave you this wicked look which made you tremble.

Great heavens, please let this time be the attempt where you would be able to get onto this freaking stupid piece of wood.

You eyed him for a split second and then regained your focus on the crate before you. Come on, I fucking got this. This time I can do it. 

Biting your lip you furrowed your brow, slipping into focus while the ambience noise faded. Three.. two.. one..

“Oh my God!” You yelled when you realized that your soles were planted on top while standing steady on the wooden surface. “I did it!”

Relief and happiness bursted through your body like a shock wave and you looked at the stranger full with disbelieve.

“I told you!” He said enthusiastically and held up both his palms, ready to give you a high ten. With the broadest smile you slapped his palms and yelped when he interlaced his fingers with yours, tugging you from the crate. Your mind struggled to keep up with the motion as he hugged you tightly.

Holy fucking shit. Your heart pounded wildly in your chest. Your breath hitched in your throat and you tried hard not to focus on how your breasts felt against his well muscled chest, the sensation making your nipples peak. 

With a beaming smile he had placed you onto your feet. “I’m proud of you —“ he said and you told him your name.

“Well I couldn’t do it without your help, so thank you —?” You paused and waited for him to tell his name.

“Henry.” He answered and ran a hand through his curls.

“Henry,” you repeated. “I guess you own me a smoothie.”

taglist (some tags don't seem to work): @i-beg-your-pardon-laufeyson @lizzystuffsthings @eldarwen333 @ysmmsy @astheskycries @daybreak96 @death-unbecomes-you @geralts-yenn @posiemax @mattmurdocksgirlfriend @greensleeves888 @justduckingaround12 @cricket66 @kebabgirl67 @identity2212 @leigh70 @kingliam2019 @theworldwonder @just-me-viktoria @foxyjwls007 @gummydummy19 @enchantedbytomandhenry @sofiebstar @raccoon-eyed-rebel @evansabove1981 @teamfan7asy @summersong69 @lysarria @sunshine96 @bishhh2003 @midnight-stranger @eviesmith1810 @tumblnewby

[absolutebl]

This Week In BL

April 2023 Wk 1

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Bed Friend (Sat YT, GaGa & iQIYI uncut) ep 8 of 10 - actually this installment was better than I expected after the dreaded extension decision. I am still enjoying this one a lot, but I think it’s slipped out of 10/10 contention. Sad. I thought I high heat was finally gonna break into top 10. 

Future (Thai Sun YouTube & Gaga) ep 3 of 5 - More of pretty much exactly the same and exactly the same clingy cuteness. This is a great but sublimely dumb show. It is beyond sappy. Also EVERYONE is queer. EVERYONE. I don’t like the premise that you have to leave your friends when you get into a relationship, but it does happen. I guess Fuse has to find Tee a bf? Also, babies first fight. 

Pastsenger (Thai Weds Gaga) 5 of 12 eps - Boring. But cohabitation and lots of other tropes like feeding, head in lap, hair wash, helmet buckle. Kiew is SUCH a boyfriend. Also a brief lap sit (bet @heretherebedork​ is happy). Plus unnecessary side dishes. 

A Boss and a Babe (Fri YouTube) ep 6 of 12 - ForceBook are performing their characters well and consistently, but the narrative is fighting them and contradicting them all the time. We’re told boss yells at babe but never see it, then boss says he’s never mean even though everyone says he is mean (be we never see it). It’s crazy-making. They are cute bfs who make me smile because they are ForceBook and for no other reason. GMMTV should be thoroughly ashamed of misusing these two a 2ND TIME. Especially as this is one of their few pairs willing to do higher heat. You can’t hear it but this it MY ANNOYED TYPING VOICE.  

Tin Tam Jai (Tues Gaga & iQIYI) ep 7 of 12 - I just like the side seme. Sorry main couple, you are not in my heart. P’Doc Park just seems uninterested, don’t force it nong Tin just go with P’Plearn who is all up in your business and defining EAGER. 

Chains of Heart (Sat iQIYI) ep 8 of 10 - It always takes me forever to get around to this one (even when I’m not on site), honestly if it weren’t nearing the end I probably would just drop it from sheer frustration. How can a show that’s meant to be suspenseful be this dull? I guess Din’s secret identity was the twist reveal? Not much of one. What about his son? I am so confused by this show and so do not care. What a disappointment. 

The Promise (Thai Weds YT) ep 6 of 10 - ON HIATUS UNTIL APRIL 19.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Our Dining Table AKA Bokura no Shokutaku (Japan Thurs Gaga) 1 of 10 - OH MY GOD IT’S SO CUTE. It is pretty much exactly like the manga and I am all over fine with that. Expect this BL to be soft af, gentle, sweet and another cozy BL to add to our new roster (post forthcoming I promise). Also don’t expect a kiss. Honestly, I don’t care, I love this yaoi so much and I am delighted to see it on my screen and so well cast. It’s disgustingly charming. 

Unintentional Love Story (Korea Thurs iQIYI) 7-8 of 10 - (here’s how I’m getting it) Oh they’re so cute and ridiculous confessing and hiding out. Also the sides are EVERYTHING. This is actually turning into a pretty decent BL. I like that the bfs tease and play together it’s sweet. This is a very huggy couple for Korea. And then DOOM. Betrayal. Argh! Pain.  Nooooooo. Long eps and lip wobbles galore. We all SUFFER until next week. 

The Eighth Sense (Korea Weds Viki) eps 3-4 of 10 - I actually re-watched the first 2 eps bf I watched this week’s installments. We know Jae Won is popular, rich, sunshine who wants to be loved but estranged from his fam. Ji Hyun is a shy, serious, polite country boy deep in first crush. Despite this dichotomy it’s JH who seems more comfortable in himself and, possibly, his sexual preferences. There’s a homoeroticism to this show that is not normal for BL (I know... but it isn’t, certainly not KBL). Reminds me a bit of ITSAY + Shelter + His the series. The director is doing some very interesting things that makes the watching experience chewy. Note the actors have been told to match strides whenever they walk together? So far as the narrative goes timing on the kiss (good kiss tho it may be) indicates that the plot will be fall out from kissing (tragedy), not build up to a romantic relationship. (Timing is a bitch.) Also… this is what we call being “dicked around by a closet case.” Baby’s first love is NOT going to go well. On the bright side, baby got himself his first fag hag to comfort him after the inevitable heartbreak. Honestly? I’m finding this rough going because it’s SO TENSE but I can’t stop watching. And clearly I have a lot to say about this show. 

It’s Airing But ...

Love Syndrome (Thai Sat WeTV) stopped at ep 2 of 12 - I’m just not into any aspect of it (except Lee Long Shi and I can watch him in Tin Tem Jai) - saving to binge if the end is solid.

Venus in the Sky (Sat YouTube) pilot/tester?) 0 of 10 - not entirely sure what’s up with this one distribution-wise, but the pilot was cute, classic university-set pulp. I hope it happens because the leads are cute with good chemsitry and I thought it was fun. However, it totally holds together as it’s own little short story too.

Cafe In Love (Thai ???) 10 eps on Ch3+ - Thai pulp, about trying to save a coffee shop. FairyGodBLer came through for me, but I’m collecting to binge just in case. It’s my new policy with the grey stuff.

Destiny Seeker (Tues WeTV Thailand) 10 eps - it’s not on any WeTV I can get ahold of. Bad Buddy the pulp rebirth meets Japanese handsome host club action. Same as above.

Make a Wish (Thai Weds ?) from WaGa Creative staring Fluke Natouch (OhmFluke UWMA etc...) & Judo (The Miracle Of Teddy Bear) in a medical-fantasy. About a doctor who sees ghosts and a deity who resides in a Bodhi tree that earns merits whenever he fulfills a wish based on a y-novel by Sammon (Manner of Death, Triage). Same as above.

My Beautiful Man Eternal (Japan ????) - 3rd installment, but a movie that released 4/7 which means it’s a pain to get hold of.

In Case You Missed it

My Blessing popped up on YT. Thailand gave us a hour long take on the “my ghost boyfriend trope” with predictable results: decent heat, pulp story (which is to say no story, really) and good kisses, but it ends with death/separation. Don’t bother unless you are a particular fan of Boat (I Am Your King 2). I am, but he was, once again, underserved by this script. Sigh. 2/10 

Gaga is airing Japanese drama: Me and My Husband’s Boyfriend (concludes April 14). This is a full series dropping over two weeks. Sort of a poly romance meets psychological manipulation that starts with cheating and has lots of other taboo stuff like teacher/student. The lynchpin is an out bisexual poly manic pixie dream nightmare? boy. Don’t be deluded into thinking this is BL, it’s not even messy BL. It’s just Japan being Japan. Complete with Terrible Kissing (TM). I found it an interesting subject matter but can’t in good conscience recommend it to a BL watcher. 

Myanmar dropped a BL short called The Love Ring you can watch in on YouTube. It’s an interesting first(?) attempt with paranormal elements. It feels a lot like early Pinoy mixed with Vietnamese BL. It has a nice HEA and is worth 20 minutes of your time if you’re curious about the evolution of the genre. Considering the state of LGBTQ+ rights in that country what it is primarily is very very brave. I give it a 6/10 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Starting: 

04.14 Naked Dinner AKA Zenra Meshi (Japan Gaga) - not really my thing but yes I’ll watch it

04.15 My Story (Pinoy YouTube) - not my fandom but I will give it a go

Finishing: Unintentional & Future (@heretherebedork and I are gonna cry) 

No proper post for April but remaining release I know of is:

04.18 Step By Step (Thai WeTV) - office age gap, I am all in! Even though it’s WeTV. Sigh.

April is looking a bit slender so I might start watching Destiny Seeker or Cafe in Love, or both.

2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED)

Adventures in Captions

I think the word they were looking for was “disappointed” but I am going to start going around saying “a little bit failed” just as a matter of course. Suits my life well.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

We stan consent in this house and will always give props when it shows up in BL, probably until the end of time. Look I got so used to dub con consent is still novel and exciting, okay? (Boss & Babe) 

Yes King of the Obvious, but thank you for actually confessing. Is there ED for a confession? King has a bad case. 

Is that... Thailand? Recommending therapy? WOW. Props. (Bed Friend)

(last week)

Current Kpop earworm? I’ve been dipping back into the well a lot recently, so it’s FTISLAND’s Severely. Look I just really miss Lee Hong-gi’s voice. 

[megaderping]

Late night SALT activated...

Disclaimer: This post is mainly about really aggressive/hostile fans. Disliking stuff is totally valid and curating one’s online experience is important, but... I’m very strongly convinced that the majority of people who vehemently hate Goro Akechi or Shuake to a really hostile degree either haven’t played Royal, haven’t moved on from base game, haven’t maxed his confidant, or really lack reading comprehension. ‘cause disliking a ship or a character? Super valid! Everyone has their preferences and comfort zones. I would never shame someone who genuinely just... doesn’t vibe with it, finds it uncomfortable, and wishes to avoid content or posts w/ the character or pairing. I also completely understand the frustration of wanting Goro content that isn’t ship-focused, since sometimes fandoms can make a pairing consume a character in fanworks (though I’d argue you can have the pair and still give him agency outside of it, at the end of the day, there will always be people who just don’t want it). But when I see factually incorrect arguments like, “Joker and Akechi hate each other,” I just go... “Did we play the same game?” The game where Joker’s greatest wish was to see Akechi again. The game where Morgana outright states that Akechi doesn’t really hate Joker and Akechi himself laments that they didn’t meet years earlier, and if they had, how they could’ve been friends. A game where it’s made very clear that despite the stupidity of going with the revenge plan with Shido and the lives taken along the way, there was still a disgusting power imbalance with Shido, a grown man in politics, effectively molding a broken teenager into being a hitman... And even the betrayal toward the PT- I feel like Akechi’s offer to have Joker join him was genuine as a sort of last ditch effort to get him out of that situation. The SIU director notes how the plan is way too callous even for Akechi, and after it happens, Akechi tries to downplay the dangers of the PT to Shido, suggesting a part of him, even if only a small one, does feel some remorse.

There’s this messy complexity to Akechi and his relationship with Joker and the PT... and people try to strip it of all of its complexities to make it a bland, black and white matter, and it sucks. It feels like those kinds of people want to turn Akechi into a hatesink when Shido is literally right there. And Kamoshida, and Okumura, and many other awful adults in P5. It’s weird how little flak they get by comparison? And I’m biased- Akechi was a character I developed an attachment to as I reached third sem and his character just came together for me. But it’s so freaking annoying to try and search up art of the character or ship on sites like twitter only to find the worst takes possible. Folks gotta separate their personal feelings from the feelings of the characters. The actual canon interactions and relationships are infinitely more compelling than “Joker/the Phantom Thieves all hate Akechi.” I much prefer what the game presents us- with characters like Haru and Futaba not forgiving him, but still sympathizing with his situation and (perhaps reluctantly) being willing to work with him when it’s absolutely necessary. The friction is just so compelling, because even if he’s a tragic person, his actions still robbed them of loved ones. ...but also, President Okumura requested many shutdowns himself and was an awful person, which also adds to the messy complexity for poor Haru.

Anyway, this is just a late night ramble because I went to find fanart and found annoying tweets. Argh.

[fierceawakening]

So, actual question about actual gaslighting:

Mom tells me that my birthday gift is a table from IKEA that she and dad are buying me. I'm happy about this, as I very much do need a table. The one I have is one they were getting rid of when they moved into an apartment more suited to them aging in place, and is a lovely table but is way the fuck too big for my small apartment so I'm happy about this.

We go to IKEA. Somehow they forget that this is an hour each way and everyone is frustrated and annoyed at the trip taking so long so we're all kind of snippy while we're there. Which is maybe not great but I'm just kinda, eh, shit happens, I'm finding a table. Whatever.

TO MY PERCEPTION, my mom has a thing about people getting snippy. She starts to get really nervous and uncomfortable and make a big deal out of it, where I personally would prefer we just all laugh it off. "Oh fuck, we're all tired and cranky and forgot how fucking HUGE an IKEA is. Ow, argh, welcome to the universe, we all want to commit murder now but are too tired, woe is us, ha ha ha." But, again, as I perceive it, this is Not Okay with my mom, who really wants everyone to act happy and grateful all the time. It's TO ME like she can't see grateful if you're not beaming, and it baffles me.

BUT I am not her, and I could be downplaying that I'm curt to the point of mean, so let's presume that I'm terrible and grouchy and should really be less of both given that this is a present for me. Okay. I suck. Let's go.

Well, things get worse. We go to have dinner after, and I say we should wait until we get back to town and know the restaurants, and that while I know she practices intermittent fasting religiously "it's never actually the end of the world to mess up your diet once due to extenuating circumstances, we can push dinnertime to 6:30."

Well she LOSES IT because I called her fasting a diet and we have an argument which culminates in us eating at a terrible Mexican place we all absolutely hate so it won't be 6:30 at which point she absolutely cannot eat.

We're all tired and grumpy and annoyed because that was exhausting They take the table home with them and tell me they'll come back tomorrow (today) to assemble it, and then, since this is about my birthday, we'll go out to lunch for my bday. (I could SWEAR I asked if it was OK that that would take attention away from Mother's Day and she said it's fine, but maybe I don't remember?)

Anyway, we're all still exhausted and kind of annoyed, and now we're assembling furniture. I'm tired and hungry and looking forward to lunch, and from MY PERSPECTIVE I'm still in a bit of a snippy mood but I don't THINK I'm doing anything terrible.

But she gets super upset. Why am I not happy? Why am I not excited? Why did I not immediately mention Mother's Day? And I'm just like oh man can I just focus on putting a table together? And she's like why am I talking in the way I'm talking? MY answer to which is that we're all tired and run down and it's normal, but she doesn't like this.

Finally she tells me that she's not going to go with me to lunch if "I can't behave decently."

I'm hurt about this, but I don't want to promise that I can "behave decently" because I know from experience that trying to mask in front of her makes things worse, not better.

So I say, "You need to make up your own mind. I am not sure I can mask my snippiness until I have eaten and calmed down. If this is a dealbreaker for you, please just drop us off and we'll catch back up with you. If it's not, I'll probably be fine once I've rested and have some food in me."

I feel like this makes sense, and actually even like maybe it would help! I can't vow to never be visibly tired or annoyed, but I can be aware she dislikes it and tell her I'll catch her later when it won't put her on edge.

But her reaction to that is basically that I want license to behave badly, and that I don't care about her enough to "be decent." She goes with us, but the whole time talks about how unfair it is that I be allowed to "not be decent."

I eat the food and enjoy the restaurant, and as I predicted, this helps me to feel calmer and present as less obviously irritated. I am hurt deeply by the "not decent" remark but able to hide those feelings as I'm calmer. Everything is fine. Ish.

...

AITA or is she? I mean, I think she is, but... if I am abusive or cruel and giving myself a pass, I feel like I should know that.

I just... Idk. I don't feel like anyone else does this. Like, friends and loved ones have seen me annoyed. And they don't necessarily like it, but there isn't the same sense that I'm incapable of being decent.

Dafuq do I do about this? I love my mom but I'm so tired of feeling like I can't just... be pissed off, lest it hurt her in some way, when it seems like me being pissed off in front of other people is treated like it's, maybe not perfect, but normal.

[kmlaney]

WIP questionnaire

tagged by @coffeewritesfiction and I am so sorry to take this long on a reply. Thanks for the tag!

Tagging @fallenscintilla (if you want! No pressure!) and @waywardwizzard and anyone who wants to!

1. What is the first part of your WIP that you created?

The very first line was: “D’ya think I care how it tastes?” I posted an edited version here. There's a snip of the original here.

For the record, it started as a character background for a TTRPG. In fact, it wasn’t even going to be the character I was going to play. Harrowed (undead/revenant) gunfighter? *eyeroll* Too cliché. I even made a homebrew archetype to play: a “spiritualist” in the late 1800’s sense. But that first line kept bugging me so I figured, okay. Fine. I’ll write this one scene and then work on my spiritualist. 

Yeah. No. I never played the spiritualist.

2. If your story was a TV show, what would the theme song/intro be?

I did all the fan stuff for Phil and Skyfallen, like playlists, faceclaims, all of that. I never did that before. I selected music for the theoretical TV show: main theme, a rotating list of outro/credits roll music, pieces for certain kinds of scenes. So if Skyfallen were a TV series, this would be the theme:

3. What are your favorite characters that you made? Why?

That’s like asking which of my pets was my favorite. I love them all. I guess I loved Phil enough to make them the viewpoint character. They’re a more-mature version of the kind of character I wrote when I was a kid, now with serious problems I can explore as an adult. I like Phil’s father, whom I was determined to fridge in the beginning because fridging is usually a female character. Ha Ha! Then I went and gave him a character arc that could only end in his death so he’s not fridged after all. 

I like Travelling Sam for being a conniving, money-grubbing jerk, but he’s fun to write. I like Eva as Carnival Mom; Maury for being a flamboyant, fun-to-be-around person hiding a serious drinking problem that everyone knows about. I like Doc Butcher for his name, for actually being trained as a vet but caring about everyone, and trying to do his best when he’s in over his head because he can’t do nothing. 

I like Maker Lewis for his change of heart, though he was already on the fence and just needed a shove. And I like Miss Warren for being a nosy reporter whom Phil doesn’t want to like but ends up liking anyway. She also lets me play at muckraking reporter. Choosing words to specifically slant a piece is a load of fun.

4. What other pieces of media do you think your fan base would share?

Skyfallen has its roots in Westerns, so people who like cinematic westerns are a potential fanbase. I include horror, steampunk, and gothic elements, so if your venn diagram of interests includes those things then it might be for you. 

Things I like that influenced or feel like this story: Silverado, The Magnificent Seven, RIPD 2 Rise of the Damned (movies. I hate to admit that last one but it was fun). Deadlands (TTRPG game. I created Phil for this setting). The Dark Tower novels--primarily Wizard and Glass but any of the parts dealing with Roland’s world. 

There is zero romance. Phil’s ace, there is no main love interest, and anyone who gets together does so very off-screen. 

5. What has been your biggest struggle with your WIP?

When writing the draft, the individual scenes flew out of my brain. I could hardly write them fast enough. In deep editing, though, it’s the big-picture stuff I find challenging. Which themes do I want to emphasize and which are less important? Do I really need all this buildup or should I start later? I need to show certain things so the later ones make sense, but that makes it even longer. It’s already very long; shouldn’t I be cutting things down? Argh. It's frustrating.

6. Are there any animals in your story? Talk about them!

There are animals. Most are utilitarian: Horses, dogs, cats, chickens, cows. There are monsters also (for certain values of “monster”) all along the continuum from “non-sapient animal” through to “self-aware human intelligence.” 

The way they figure into the story is more interesting. In life, Phil liked animals in general and had a special fondness for horses and mules. After dying and coming back reanimated, animals can’t stand to be around them. Phil doesn’t figure it out right away, and it hurts when they do.

7. How do your characters get around? (Ex. Trains, horses, cars, dragons, etc.)

For the area the characters are in for the bulk of the story, most people walk, ride horses, or ride in wagons, carts, or coaches pulled by horses or teams of horses. There are a couple of trains but they are rare. In other areas, trains are common, as are ferries and lake boats. Airships exist; they are novelties and considered simultaneously luxurious and dangerous. In larger cities, along with the horse-drawn vehicles, people have bicycles, rickshaws, pedal-powered rickshaws, and palanquins. Automatons in a variety of configurations may be subbed in for horses or people in any of those conveyances. 

8. What part of your WIP are you working on right now?

I’ve identified some specific foreshadowing that needs to happen. So I need to add that in. There are a few names that aren’t consistent; they’re flagged so I can fix them. I need to put in a few encounters so later ones make sense. It’s not exactly foreshadowing so much as worldbuilding. So editing stuff.

9. What aspects (tropes, maybe) of your WIP do you think will draw people in?

I have a hard time identifying tropes in my work, probably because I’m in the trees, so to speak, and can’t see the forest. Or groves, to push the metaphor. Having said that, here’s an attempt:

Portal/isekai

Found family

Unlikely group of heroes

Humans can be evil; monsters can be sympathetic

Religion, Magic, and cults 

Monsters dwelling among humans

Enemies to not-friends (don’t push your luck)

Things get worse

Everyone has secrets

Lost memories, memory tampering

Weird West

Steampunk and Gothic Horror

Gunslinger/trick shot

Noble Demon/antihero

Good is not nice

I did come up with one of those taglines that you might see on the bottom of the cover of a book: 

“Every Skyfallen has something they want to forget. And everyone in the Mistlands is Skyfallen.”

10. What are your hopes for your WIP?

Originally I was hoping for traditional publishing. I might still try to go that way. I’m also looking into self-pub, and websites that host serial stories. I think this story fits better into a serial format than a traditional book format. I need to make it more coherent (hence editing phase)

[kileaderie]

Hate

   .ii. Pairing: Seonghwa x Fem!Reader

   .ii. Genre: Angst, Smut

   .ii. AU Selected: Office

   .ii. Warnings: dom!Seonghwa, sub!Reader, masturbation, oral sex (m receiving), unprotected sex, strong language, name calling (slut), dirty talk, nipple play, overstimulation, creampie, etc.

Word Count: 4.8K+

Summary: Your co-worker hate you, but you didn't care. You continue to get on his nerves but one day, he shows you how hateful he can get.

Author’s Note: Been keeping this for months, hopefully y’all enjoy it! I’m still working on a few more things for you all, fighting!

Seonghwa sighed, his back aching while trying to concentrate on work. Piles of papers were laying before him and he was reading the same document over and over again. He could see the letters but didn't understand them. His mind was somewhere else.

She's so annoying, he was thinking to himself. She did it on purpose, didn't she?

It was so frustrating not knowing why you acted like that. He told you, right? He warned you that there will be consequences if you embarrassed him in front of anyone. And yet you did it. You spilled the coffee on his chest, dirtying his shirt with dark stains. But that's not all, you began to apologize and attempt to wipe the stains out of his clothes, setting him in a strange sense of dismay.

People were looking at him, whispering, including the boss and other members of the company. First, he thought that you did it by accident, but then he saw a little glow of triumph in your eyes. The sound of knocking on his desk pulled him from the grip of memories. He sighed again, raising his eyes from the papers, and he froze at that moment.

"What now?"

"Nothing, I just want to disturb you." You smiled before walking to your desk.

Seonghwa gripped the papers, cursing under his breath as he watches you. There's always been something about you that he can't quite put his finger on. Maybe it's the way you speak eloquently. Maybe it's the way you dress smartly. Maybe it's the way you catch him curiously watching you from time to time like he's waiting for you to fuck up or step out of line, which you did.

He hates it, he hates you.

He can't stand the way you look at him, how you keep bothering his mind even though you didn't actually do it. Both of you hate each other, but you love to make him lose his nerves. You just can't stop bothering him, every day, you'll always think of something to make him angry. Seonghwa closed his ears with his palms when a loud thud echoed the small office that you both shared with.

"Argh! What's wrong with you?!" He glares at you.

"What? It felt on its own, you can't blame me." You put on a serious face.

He rolled his eyes and went to read the documents again. Once he turns away, you snickered, holding up your laugh, and go to pick up the files that you purposely knocked over. Seonghwa rubbed his temples, his eyes twitched to look at you. You bend down to collect the files, and he could see your cleavage showing, teasing him.

He instantly closed his eyes with his hand, grunting as he hates but loves the sight. How many times had he told you that you can't wear provocative clothes? Never, he doesn't want to be called and teased by you for being a pervert, for checking you out. But your hair is so beautiful that he can't force you to change the haircut. You're too pretty like that, it was distracting him so much and he hates it so much he could get a major headache.

"God, how did I ever end up being in the same office room with you?"

"Because I asked the boss to put us together." You cheered, smiling at him.

He looks at you in shock, sighing as he tilts his head backward. You stepped gracefully, holding binders filled with documents in your hand while the other hand patted his neck softly. He stiffened for a moment by your touch but his eyes glared at you. He swatted your hand off of him and you chuckle, going back to your seat.

Yeosang pokes his head into your and Seonghwa's office, his eyes slowly scanning the area. He noticed the peaceful atmosphere and stepped in, walking past Seonghwa's desk and making his way towards you. He leaned forward, talking to you in a sensual voice, flirting with you.

"Are you free this weekend?"

"I'm always free for you." You whispered.

You and Yeosang aren't dating but in fact, just friends with benefits. Every weekend, you'll spend the day together, going to movies, hanging out, or just chilling. But when it's night, he'll bring you to the club where he'll enjoy watching you swing that ass of yours and lastly fuck the living shit out of you at his apartment.

Seonghwa knew it all too well since he'll always overhear Yeosang telling the other male employees about how great you are the next day you guys had sex. But what's more shocking is that you aren't just fucking around with Yeosang but almost half of the male employees in the office. All except him.

He felt angry and disappointed, why would you fuck other guys when you love to tease him so much? He wonders this more than once, letting it go but he'll always ask himself the same question over and over again when he sees you. Of course, he'd lie to others that he once fucked you but he hoped you didn't expose him for lying. He silently listens to your conversation with Yeosang, his hand came down to his thigh and slowly rubbed it.

"See you this Saturday, baby." He winked, walking out of the office.

Seonghwa took a deep breath, fixed his position, and clenched his jaw when you called his name. "Seonghwa. Hey, Hwa."

"What?" "Your thighs are itchy?" He looks at you and realized he has been rubbing his thigh for quite a while.

"N-None of your business!" He said before getting up, leaving the office with a flustered face.

Seonghwa rushes into the restroom, wetting his face in the sink before looking at himself in the mirror. He clenched his fist, groaning as he could feel his cock straining in his underwear, growing warm when he remembered the details that Yeosang had told about sex with you. He then went inside one of the cubicles, locking it.

He puts down the toilet lid and sits on it. He stays there for a little longer, bouncing his left leg up and down. He immediately felt his dick growing in his pants, saying hello to its owner. His hand slowly reaches his little friend, palming himself through the fabric. He groans, fumbling with his belt and unzipping his zipper.

Ignoring everything around him, Seonghwa took off his pants just so he can pull out his dick. Closing his eyes, he bit his bottom lip. Rolling them between his fingers, he moaned softly. Suddenly, his mind flashed to the way you look at him, and the tits he had seen only a short while ago. Wondering if you would have given him head, or even jerk him off.

The thoughts had made him increase his speed. He tugged at his cock quicker, and the sound of the bathroom door opening nearby made him reluctantly open his eyes. He stopped his movements as he hears other colleagues' voices in the same area as him. He cover his mouth with the other hand, slowly moving the other as he was close.

Seonghwa wished you were here, jerking him off and causing him to undone. His thumb rubbed over his slit, and he could feel the fire burning in the pit of his stomach grew more and more. Seonghwa was unable to keep his eyes open as he leaned his head back. He imagines him fucking you senselessly and not the other men.

"F-Fuck.." He moans as soon as the guys outside have left.

Seonghwa's hand was pumping his cock fast, the poor male's legs were shaking with pleasure. He moaned your name as he came with a few sorts of cum, his hand can't stop, he hates it, hates how you're the reason he's jerking himself off in the men's bathroom. Quickening his pumping, he reached down and played with his balls. Not long after, hot spurts of cum landed on the cold tiles and Seonghwa was breathing heavily.

"I hate you, Y/n.." He mumbled, tucking himself back into his pants.

Yeosang wrapped an arm around your waist, walking with you into the club. The bass from the music pounded through your bones with every beat, sending your blood pulsing through your veins. The heat around you was building up with every movement, bodies pushing in from every side as they all moved to the rhythm of the thrumming music.

"I'll get the drinks." He says, walking towards the bar.

You went to the seat in the corner, sitting alone as you watch other people dance on the dance floor. After a while, Yeosang came with two glasses of drinks, handing one to you. You thanked him, tipping up the glass as you take sips. You sighed, and he nudges your elbow, asking if you wanted to dance.

You agreed.

Dance brings you joy. But what's more, is how he'll place his hands on you. How his body was so close to you, feeling like you can't breathe seeing his angelic face. He then buried his face in the crook of your neck, sniffing your new perfume. Smiling, he bites your skin, whispering in your ear with his deep voice.

"Let's get more drinks and we're out of here."

That's exactly how you're in Yeosang's apartment, getting naked, getting into foreplay, he'll worship your body like no other. However, when it came to sex, you'll always remind him to wear a condom or pull out. You are on birth control, and of course, you're clean, it's just that... You're waiting for someone you've wanted for such a long time, you're just hoping he'll take the hint and make the first move.

You're waiting for him.

You woke up to the sound of the noise from the kitchen. Getting up to the closet, you wore the bathrobe that you'll always wear and head on over to the kitchen. Yeosang smiled, walking towards you and kissing your cheek before he focused back on the pancake he was making.

"You sure don't want to get more sleep?"

"Why so?" He just shrugged. "Well, you fell asleep during our first round, looks like someone is hardworking these days."

You snickered. "I'm just too drunk I guess." He'd shake his head. "Sure you were."

He handed you a plate of pancakes, topping it with some strawberries and maple syrup. He licked his finger which was covered with maple syrup. You smiled, thanking him with a peck on the lips. You could taste the maple syrup on his tongue and he knows that look in your eyes as you stare at his lips.

"Breakfast can wait.. Let me have you first." He whispered, pulling you towards the bedroom.

Seonghwa was walking around in the supermarket, pushing his trolley as he looks at the shelves. Getting the usual grocery that he list, he walks to the men's healthcare aisle. Scanning the shelf, he takes a deodorant and has a sniff. Unsatisfied, he tries the others. Just then, a couple stands next to him, checking the shelf as well.

"Oh, I found it." The boyfriend said, pointing.

Seonghwa lowered his gaze to see but quickly looks away. There were condoms, right next to the deodorant and men's razors section he's at. He gulped, sniffing the other deodorant and quickly putting the one he likes in his trolley. He heard their giggles, and he blushed as they started dirty talking. He quickly walks away, to the cashier.

Getting into his house, he arranges the stuff he had brought to their places. He took off his cap. putting it on the bed. Seonghwa sighs and was about to enter the bathroom, but his phone rings. It was you, weird, what do you want? He muttered, picking up the call. He heard moans and was taken aback.

He was about to hang up the call since he doesn't want to invade your privacy. However, there was Yeosang's voice too, his eyes grew wider than just now. Swallowing greedily, he focused on your voice, the sound of your whine and whimper, the way you beg for Yeosang, screaming his name, it made his fists clench.

Don't call his name.

Scream mine.

Say Park Seonghwa.

Please.

He took a deep breath as he heard your loud moan, reaching your orgasm. You panted and Seonghwa was holding on to his breath. He hangs up the call, staring at the phone for a moment. He then sits on the bed, clenching the bedsheets as he feels his wrath grow.

I'll make her pay for this.

It's been weeks and you wonder why would Seonghwa ignores every little thing you do. You try to distract him by touching his thigh in the meeting room, but he didn't show any reaction, in fact, he was so focused on the boss, not pay a single glance at you. You began to get frustrated when he instantly left the meeting room when it was over.

You lean your chin on your palm, staring at Seonghwa as he casually types on his keyboard. His delicate hands move freely and you sigh. Once and then twice. You noticed your little move causes his eyebrow to twitch. Finally, you know what to triggers him, he's sensitive to the sounds you made not the actions.

You started your plan by drumming your fingers on the desk, and next, your heels tapping on the floor. You smirked when you saw his adam's apple bobbed up, gulping. Seonghwa glances over and caught by you, smiling mischievously as you recognized that face of his. He raised from his seat, going towards your desk.

"Looks like someone is mad." You teased, leaning against your chair.

"Looks like someone is hungry for dicks." He retorts which surprised you.

He leaned forward, resting his palms on your desk. You raised a brow at him, sucking a breath as he came face to face with you. His stone-cold expression makes your stomach fill with butterflies. You stare at each other and he made the first move, just like you've been wishing for. He raises your chin with his fingers as he scoffed.

"Slut." He whispered.

"I am not." You glare at him.

"Say it again."

"I am-" He squeezes your cheeks with his hand causing you to stop mid-sentence. "Slut, that's what you are."

He smirked, leaning closer to your face. You gulped and try to release yourself from him but he gripped your cheeks more. You both shared eye contact for a good five seconds before he whispered, mouthing I hate you and harshly releasing your face.

He smiled as he saw the surprised look you had when you stare at him. He scoffed and went to his desk again, just in time, a co-worker knocked and came into the office room. If he didn't keep his cool, she would've walked in him and you by the window, fucking.

It was almost midnight and most of your co-workers had left the building, especially Seonghwa who was the first to step out of the office you both shared. You were given extra tasks but luckily you get to finish them in a nick of time.  You swept your hair out of your face when you walk out of the office. Your heels made clicking sounds as you step onto the hard floor.

You drove back to your apartment, a place where you can relax your mind. That's what you thought until you instantly saw Seonghwa standing right in front of your door as soon as you stepped out of the elevator.

"What are you doing here?"

"My car's tire flattens, and I don't have a spare tire in the car. Since your place is the closest to where I was, I came here." He shrugged.

"You could've gotten the cab or something."

"Just open the door, I'm freezing here." He urges.

"You don't tell me what to do, and I don't give you permission to enter either." You said, unlocking the door but shoving him out.

He scoffed. "I waited hours in the cold and you'll just kick me out?"

"That's why you'll have to think twice before coming here!" You snapped and he looked down.

"Well, how about Yeosang?" You tilted your head. "What?" He raised his head.

"And other male workers? Oh, even other random guys you had brought into your apartment? How come they can go in and I don't?"

"They're just sex buddies, nothing more." You were about to close the door but he stopped you.

"Then, let me be one of your sex buddies too." He said, pushing the door fully open. "Seonghwa- No!"

He pulled you inside and locked the door, throwing his bag on the floor before taking off his jacket. You called his name but he continues to undress, going for his tie, and went to untuck his shirt. He was about to unbutton his button-up shirt but you yelled at him, catching his attention.

"We can't do this." You mumbled when you saw the tears in his eyes. "Why.. Why would you say no to me but yes to everybody."

"Why would you say yes to him and not me?! Why would you make me hate you even when I don't want to!? What is your purpose, Y/n!" He was out of breath, tears threatening to fall.

"Because I don't want to fall in love with you."

"I fear rejection."

"That's why I'll always mess around with other guys and not you."

You both eye each other. And you were the first to break down, tears rolling down your cheeks as you clenched your fist. Seonghwa was not far behind, his tears slowly dropped, following the line of his cheekbones.

"Y/n, it's too late now, I have fallen for you." He whispered, stepping closer.

"I hate you but my love for you grows stronger as you keep bothering me." He cradles your cheeks softly this time.

"And I don't want to hate you anymore, so please, love me?"

He leaned in, kissing you soundly before dropping his lips to your neck. You let out a deep moan as he bites the skin, marking you as his. He runs his hands down your sides. Burning a pathway in your skin beneath your clothes with his fingers. He grows at the sight of you.

He slowly moves you to the wall,  slamming your back against it. You roll your hips into him making him groan against your neck. The silly fight had gotten to him and now here he was, fingers digging into your hips, his mouth devouring yours, grinding his hardness mercilessly against you.

You tug on his collar and he pulls away, panting heavily as he stares at you. He nodded and you slowly began to unbutton his shirt as you admire his body. Your hands touch his chest, up to his shoulders, and his neck. He takes the shirt off, letting you see his perfect figure. He started to unbuckle his belt and you help to push his pants down.

He wasn't ready went you dropped to your knees. It feels like a dream to him, it's finally happening. You were stroking his thighs, seeing his thighs flexed makes your heart race. You stopped for a second, tilting your head up to look at him. He looks ethereal. You then focused on his briefs, his hard cock straining out.

"Can I do it?" You asked, gulping.

He nodded, whispering, "Go ahead."

The sight of his member lifting out of his briefs had your lips parting in awe, saliva gathering in your mouth purely at the glorious size of him. You knew you would not be able to take him, but you were willing to try once you had him flushed and on the edge of his high. Your mouth finally parting and sliding down his length certainly did.

The sound of Seonghwa groaning with such satisfaction had you pushing your thighs together, the depth of it unbelievably arousing and distracting you momentarily. After refocusing on the task at hand, you started to work your mouth and fingers in unison, pumping up and down at an agonizingly slow pace, milking as much pleasure as you possibly could through the way that your tongue traced delicately around his length, caressed the vein that throbbed eagerly on the underside, hollowing your cheeks so that you could suck hard.

From his lips slipped your name in delicious moans and throaty grunts, hips rolling up into your mouth with a fuck you are so good or praising when you would venture deeper for him with that's a good girl drifting into your ears and making you whimper quietly around him which straining to refrain from reaching your free fingers between your thighs to satisfy yourself.

Seonghwa's hand that was tangled in the strands of your hair had gone slightly slack with the euphoria that was rushing throughout his limbs, tightening every time you would push down, encouraging you to go deeper, harder. But you were in the mood to make him wait, for him to earn the privilege of feeling his tip brush against the back of your throat.

"Y/n, faster, I'm close.." He groaned, resting a hand against the wall behind you as the other hand gripped your hair tightly.

His entire muscles frame quivered at the sensation. Eyes fluttering shut, he thrusts forward, cumming in your mouth. You smiled as you swallowed, looking up at him. After you kiss the tip of his dick, he instantly pulls you up, slamming you against the wall again. He went for another kiss, more aggressive than before.

"Say you love me." He muttered.

"Come on, say the word love on me." He bit your earlobe.

"I l-love you, Seonghwa.." You obeyed, resting your hands on his chest.

Seonghwa hummed as he pulled away from you and looked you up and down. Your eyes were full of lust, you want him and you want him now. His fingers lightly touches your shoulder and quickly went to unbutton your shirt. He moved his eyes down to your chest. that's where he saw the cup of your bra peeking out as he was halfway done unbuttoning. His finger looped around the strap and slowly let it down your skin.

"You are so perfect.." He whispered, caressing your skin.

He licked his lips before diving to kiss your neck, trailing down to your chest where he'll unzip your skirt, letting it down slowly. You let out a breathy moan when he slipped his hand into your panties. His fingers toying with your clit and casually poking your entrance multiple times, letting out the sound of wetness.

"Did you get turned on by sucking me off?" He scoffed.

"I knew you're a slut."

Suddenly, he picked you up, going to the bedroom. His dick pressing against your naked stomach as he opens the door to the bedroom. You were laying flat on the bed, staring into his eyes as he lowered himself, resting his elbows on either side of your head. You gasped, the way his cock rested on your stomach and slowly moved up and down made you shiver.

He feels warm, very warm.

Seonghwa smiles as he likes the way you're looking at him. Eyes half-opened, mouth slightly agape, and chest heaving up and down. He grabbed his cock, pumping it a little before aiming for your entrance. You stuttered as he slowly pushed in and whimpered as he was halfway inside you. You grabbed the bed sheet, listening to his coos as he pushes all the way in. He's the longest you've ever had and probably the best one so far.

"Are you okay?" He asked, caressing your cheeks.

You nodded and he grabbed your chin harshly. "Say it properly."

"Y-yes, Hwa.." You stuttered, shakily nodding.

He smirked, grabbing both of your wrists in one hand and pinning them above your head. You were moaning when he started to shallowly thrust in and out. His tip perfectly hits your cervix, and your walls clenched on him once he latched his mouth on your nipple. His warm mouth kissed and sucked your nipple as his eyes stared innocently yet devil-like into your eyes.

The silly fight had gotten to him and now here he was, on top of you as he quickens his pace. You were enjoying this too much, so much that Seonghwa begin to slow down just before you can reach your climax. You gazed at him, eyes searching for an answer while your hips moved on their own. He noticed what you were doing and push your stomach down, his fingers digging into your hips as his mouth devoured yours.

"I should give you punishments for all of the teasings you did." He kissed your cheek.

"I could edge you for hours." He gives a sharp thrust.

"A-ah!" You whined, his pace suddenly quickens. "Or I could make you cum over and over again until I'm satisfied."

"I like the face you're making, let's go for the second choice." He grinned, ramming into you fast.

The night keeps on going and you wonder how long you both had been doing it. The way Seonghwa holds you gently yet firmly by your hips as he rams into you from behind. You panted, tears on your face and sweat glistening all over your skin. You were so lost in thoughts, your eyes were half-closed as you clenched on him. Seonghwa smirked, leaning down his upper body fully, his chest met your back.

"What's wrong? Don't you like to be in multiple rounds and multiple positions?"

"I-I.. I like it.." You answered and your spine shivered as he massaged your breasts.

"Would you rather have sex with me or Yeosang?" His question came out of nowhere.

"Answer, slut." He insisted, his hands squeezing your breasts harshly.

"W-with you! Fuck, that hurts..!" You were breathing hard and his thrusts never faltered.

Seonghwa chuckled as he carefully fondled your breasts. He pinched your nipples to get a reaction from you, and his hand slowly went up to your neck. He grabbed your throat and tilt your head up, kissing you slowly. He stares at you for a while, amazed by the way you look at him now. He starts to feel things again, his eyes closed as he pushed your upper body down on the mattress, ass up with your legs spread wider. He intertwined your fingers with him as he quickly catch his orgasm.

"I'm going to cum.. I'll cum in you.. Make you mine.."

"M-My slut.."

His words made you clench on him in instant, and you were moaning like there's no tomorrow. He pounds into you quickly and hard, and you were the first to release. Sighing, you moved your hips with Seonghwa. The way he immediately gripped your wrists had made you flinch and the feeling of his cum being shot inside of you was incredible. He groaned, dick twitching as he spurts out more of his semen.

"Hold on, i-it keeps coming out." He exhaled, teeth nipping on your earlobe.

You whined at how full you are right now and once he's done, he thrusts in and out a few times before he pulls out slowly. His hot breath fanning on your back as he gets up. You remained on the bed, ass up as his cum oozing out of your pussy. He grinned at the view, his large hand softly touching your inner thigh, gradually moving up before shoving his fingers to fuck the cum back inside. You whimpered, even more, ass twitching as your hands clenched on the sheets.

"Such a dirty slut you are, huh?" He stilled his fingers in you.

"Taking my cum like a whore." He smiled, his other hand spanking your ass cheek harshly.

"O-only for you.." You mumbled. "What did you say? Can you say it louder this time?"

You bit your bottom lip. "Only for you!" You shouted. "That's a good girl."

He caressed your red ass and kissed your back before pulling out his fingers and humming at the taste of you and him. You then collapse on the bed, eyes teary as he lays beside you. He smiled, pulling you closer to his chest, cooing as it feels uncomfortable to move. He really gave you that feeling that you were going to struggle walking in the morning and this is the first time someone ever cum inside you and you were glad that it was him, someone, you've always wanted.

"Was I too rough with you?" You shake your head. "No, I like this new side of you."

He chuckles before he becomes hesitant again. "Do you think.. I'm, better than Yeosang?"

"Seonghwa, you're always the better one." You said, and he nodded.

"You said you love me, does that mean.."

"Slow down, big boy, take it slowly, would you?" He giggled, nodding afterward.

"Also, I'm sorry for being annoying every day and sorry that I spilled coffee on your shirt last time."

"It's okay, we are even now."

"Huh?"

"I already spilled my babies in you."

[bronzefuryfic]

Bronze Fury

When the only child of Daemon Targaryen and Rhea Royce is brought to King's Landing to meet with the rest of her family, she finds herself caught in a crisis of succession. The Greens battle for her support... and her affections.

Chapter Seven: The Pink Dread / Previous Chapter / Directory

Several months have passed since Rhae first arrived in King’s Landing, and she now has her own secrets to keep. Friendships blossom, romance runs rampant... but just as before, the family feuds. 

"Again!"

Arm burning, Rhae swung her sword once more, fighting to keep it from becoming sluggish. Aemond parried, jabbing towards her torso. Rhae dodged the strike, and the pair continued to exchange blows. 

"You—humph... better not... hrrk... be taking it easy on me," Rhae grunted, pressing the attack. Her swordplay was improving steadily, but in her months of training, her opponent more than matched her vigor. Aemond had taken to joining her in the early hours of the morning for her lessons with Ser Criston Cole, in addition to his regular instruction with the other princes after lunch.

"Less talking!" Ser Criston barked.

Her strength had been regenerating remarkably with the aid of Grandmaester Orwyle's treatments and Ser Criston's training. Rhae had seen to it she did not waste the opportunities presented to her, but as the mornings drudged on, her strength and size gave way to Aemond's stamina and experience. Usually. Though he denied it, Rhae could sometimes sense a shift in his efforts.

 Rhae lunged, aiming a hard hit to his right shoulder. Aemond ducked beneath the swing and side-stepped, allowing for Rhae's forward momentum to carry her past him. Shit! She'd left her back exposed.  

But the strike never came. Rhae spun, jabbing the end of her sword into Aemond's hilt. With a sharp twist, she loosed it from his fingers and it clattered to the ground.

"Nice one," Aemond said, already wincing at the look upon Rhae's face. She had thrown her own sword into the dirt. 

"I left myself wide open," Rhae replied moodily, wiping the sweat from her brow. "Hit me next time, would you?"

"She's right," Ser Criston chided. "This is not the place to act a gentleman, Aemond. Bruises in the training yard are better than the cuts you'd receive in battle. That is why we train with wooden swords full of lead, so that we may never suffer the consequences of steel." As he finished his sentence, he lashed quickly with his own weapon.

"Ow!"

"And you, Lady Rhae, should know better than to throw down your arms." Ser Criston added sternly, not a trace of sympathy in his gaze as Rhae rubbed at the bruise she knew to be forming in her bicep. Rhae had told Criston when they began her training, she wanted to be treated the same as any man in the yard. So far, he had never once denied her. "You are both unarmed and unaware. I expect more."

Aemond collected their fallen swords, passing Rhae's back to her with a slight grin. She took it by the hilt. A moment of understanding passed along with it.

"Argh!" the boy shouted, swinging suddenly at their instructor. Ser Criston leapt back, throwing up his weapon in defense as Rhae joined the assault. The knight let out a rare laugh, battering off their blows. 

Rhae sparred until she could lift her sword no longer. When a failed stab sent her headfirst to the ground, she flopped onto her back, breathing heavily. After a few moments, Aemond came crashing down beside her. Ser Criston stood triumphantly over them both. 

"A valiant effort," he remarked, still chuckling. Cole had not so much as broken a sweat. "Maybe someday one of you will actually land a hit."

"Yeah... yeah..." Rhae wheezed, waving him off. Aemond was propped on an elbow, shaking his head and panting heavily. 

"You're lucky we were already tired," the prince grunted, rising to his feet. He offered a hand to Rhae, which she accepted graciously. With their training ended, her frustrations with him quickly diminished. She could never stay angry with Aemond for long.

"You'd best wash up and get to the study room," Ser Criston said, gathering their gear. "Rest your arms for this afternoon—King Viserys expressed his desire to watch over the progress of his sons and grandsons."

Not nieces, Rhae noted. She had only been allowed to practice swordplay at dawn, long before the nobles had begun their day. Rhae felt fortunate they held less prejudice against archery—they could at least respect her talent with a bow for sport and hunting. Any mention of combat remained taboo. 

"Will you be going to the Dragonpit today?" Aemond asked her, as they climbed the steps of the Red Keep. 

He looked hopeful, as he always did, but Rhae thought little of it these days. In their months together, Aemond seemed to have moved past the boyhood crush Rhae suspected him of having when she'd first arrived. He'd eventually overcome his shyness, no longer blushing when she approached or paid him mind. He still sought Rhae often, but as did she—they studied and trained together daily. Their closeness was akin to that of brother and sister, Rhae had convinced herself. It was a sacred thing. 

"I've already promised Helaena I would spend that time with her," Rhae replied. Aemond's shoulders slumped. 

She did not bother to prod, for Aemond seldom told her the truth of his troubles. It did not matter. Rhae felt certain she knew, anyway. Aegon, Jacaerys, and Lucerys had not let up on their mockery, despite her best efforts to deter them. The problem was a tricky one—Aemond's pride would not allow her to scold the others as she'd like. "A man's issues are his own," he'd told her once, when she raised the matter. It took great effort not to roll her eyes, and a great deal more not to remind Aemond he was only a boy. Why shouldn't she help her friend? What shame was there in Rhae defending him?

Rhae feared she knew the answer to this, too. It was for the same reason their dragon-riding relatives didn't dare mock her for not having a bond. She was a woman, and for that, she had no masculinity to call to question. It was the pervasive truth that plagued them. Her presence dissuaded Aemond's bullies, but she knew her influence did not extend beyond the instances in which she stood beside him. 

It did not matter, Rhae reminded herself. If Aemond did not wish for her to interfere, she would respect his decision. She could not always be by his side—Aemond was more than capable of taking care of himself. 

When they arrived at their lessons, the Velaryon boys were chatting excitedly with Helaena. 

"Mother has begun her labors!" Luke was saying, bouncing on the balls of his feet. When he spotted Rhae and Aemond, he was quick to wave them over. "Have you heard?"

"All the way across the room," Rhae smiled. Jace had an arm around his younger brother, doing his best to calm him. "That is most exciting."

"I hope for a brother," Luke was practically shouting, tiny hands clenched as he punched the air. "That way I can teach him to fight and be a great warrior!"

"What about you, Jace?" Helaena asked. Rhae thought that he looked paler than usual.

"Father says the only thing that matters is that the baby is healthy," Jace replied, releasing Luke. The older brother raised his palms, providing the younger a target to aim his punches. Luke delivered enthusiastically. "I agree... but I suppose a sister would be nice."

"Easy-" Smack! "For you-" Smack! "To say!" Luke pointed accusingly at Jace, stopping his barrage for one dramatic moment. "You've already got a younger brother!" Smack!

They did not get the opportunity to discuss further, for the Maesters descended upon them, breaking them up into their usual study groups. Aemond and Helaena at one table, Rhae with Jace and Luke at another. Aegon was nowhere to be found. 

"Are you alright, Jace?" Rhae asked. She had surpassed the youngest of the group in their studies, thanks to Aemond's tutelage, and was gaining steadily on Jace. The Maesters often let them be if they whispered, but as their instructor struggled to keep Lucerys in his seat, there was little need for subtlety. 

"I'll be alright," Jacaerys sighed. "I'm just... worried for mother. She seemed to be in a great deal of pain when I saw her last."

"Your mother is as strong as they come," Rhae assured him. "She's done it twice before, hasn't she? I'm certain she'll be alright."

Rhae had not had the privilege of speaking with Princess Rhaenyra often, and never alone, but she still felt certain in her words. The Realm's Delight more than earned her title. Radiant and funny, Rhae could not bring herself to dislike the heir. The only ones in all of King's Landing that did not seem to fawn over the princess were those Rhae had acquainted herself with most closely. Ser Criston, Alicent, and her children all seemed to view Rhaenyra with varying degrees of disinterest or distaste. Rhae knew why, deep down, but she could not bring herself to feel the same. Despite Princess Rhaenyra's transgressions, their consequences felt far off. It was hard to look upon her and feel anything other than admiration. To Rhae, the prospect of a woman upon the throne was a welcome one. 

Jace exhaled, tension releasing from his shoulders. 

"You're right... thank you," he said, smiling bravely. Jace moved to lift his quill, looking ready to resume his work, but just as he touched ink to paper, his eyes darted upwards. Something seemed to have caught his attention, just beyond Rhae's shoulder. 

Rhae twisted in her seat to find Aegon striding into the room, a giddy look upon his face. He winked in their direction, but a snicker from Jace told Rhae that the act was not for her. Her eyes narrowed. What was he up to?

Aegon seemed intent on sliding into his seat without fuss, but one of the Maesters cut him off, scolding him for his lateness. Rhae turned next towards Aemond and Helaena's table. Helaena watched on, a curious look upon her face. Aemond was shaking his head, and when Rhae caught his eye, he shrugged. It seemed Aemond wasn't any more privy to the reason for Aegon's tardiness than she was.

Rhae did not have time to dwell on the matter, for the Maesters were becoming irate from all the distractions. They continued their studies in silence, but the room still seemed to buzz with energy. Try as she might, Rhae could not focus. She found herself re-reading the same passage from her book several times over, failing to absorb its contents each time. 

It was no use. Rhae counted to a hundred, and on that mark, she flipped the page. She continued on like this for what felt like hours, words blurring together uselessly, until relief came at last. A new voice caught her attention, and she looked up to see Ser Harwin Strong had approached the table. 

"Maester Corwyn," said the Commander of the City Watch. "Princess Rhaenyra has requested that I bring the young princes to the Dragonpit, so that they may choose an egg for the baby."

"Has it happened?" Jace asked, slamming his book shut immediately. Lucerys was already on his feet, bouncing once more. "Can we see her?"

"Not yet," Ser Harwin said gently. "But soon. You may wait for your mother in her room once we have retrieved the egg."

Jace scrambled to his feet, joining his brother and Ser Harwin. The three of them stood together, Rhae could understand why Aegon had felt so confident that his nephews were fathered by Strong. It wasn't made any less obvious by how involved Ser Harwin was—waiting for the Princess in her room to greet the new babe? It was a wonder Jace and Luke hadn't figured it out themselves yet. If it had been Ser Harwin rather than Laenor Velaryon who had delivered the boys to the study room all those months ago, Rhae would not have thought twice on who they belonged to. She wondered if the newborn might look any more like Rhaenyra.

The trio left, and Maester Corwyn gave an irritable sniff. It seemed that the day was not right for learning, and after a brief discussion with the other instructors, they declared lessons may as well finish early. 

"Rhae!" Helaena made her way over quickly, falling into the seat beside her. She was beaming excitedly. "You will still join me later, won't you? I've just received word this morning—a collector from Essos has arrived in our harbors! I'd heard he has many creatures from the Forest of Qohor aboard his ship—Ser Arryk has gone to make a purchase on my behalf!"

Helaena's smile was infectious. Rhae did not share her love for insects, but it was difficult to feel anything other than excitement on her friend's behalf. Willifer the Mantis had passed some weeks ago, and Helaena still sniveled when she looked upon the jar his remains were now kept. It was equal parts creepy and endearing.

"Of course!" Rhae replied, grinning. "I look forward to seeing what he finds."

Ser Arryk was the Kingsguard most often assigned to Helaena's protection, and he seemed quite fond of his charge. Rhae felt Helaena had made a wise choice in who to send shopping. Ser Arryk too, had been lectured on the Princess's extensive bug collection. He would find something she'd like, Rhae was certain. 

"I must collect some materials to freshen up the old enclosures," Helaena said, tapping at her chin thoughtfully. "I could trim off some greenery from the Godswood, but the gardeners were already so upset with me for digging up dirt and stone last time..."

"I could get you some," Rhae offered, thinking of the tunnels beneath the castle. She'd have to be careful not to be spotted, given the hour, but certainly no one would notice or care if she dug up down there.

"Truly?" Helaena clasped her hands together. "That would be wonderful! That will give me plenty of time to get sticks and leaves and wash out Willifer's old case..."

She hurried off unceremoniously, so Rhae was left to call after her.

"I'll meet you in your room!"  

 Rhae looked about the study. Most of the Maesters had already left, undoubtedly equally eager to be free of lessons, so that they might get back to their own work. Despite the invitation to take the time off, Aemond still worked diligently at his table. Just past him, she spotted Aegon by the door. It was no surprise he was already set to leave at the earliest invitation. She had to agree with Aegon, however begrudgingly—Aemond set a difficult standard. She closed her own book, going to join the eldest at the door.  

"You were awfully late this morning," she said, eyeing him skeptically. "Why's that?"

"I don't have to tell you everything, you know." Rhae followed him into the hall, leaving Aemond to his studies. "What's it matter, anyhow? Ten minutes of studying to your hour isn't all that different. You hardly looked like you were getting anything done, anyway."

 Rhae couldn't argue with that, though she wished to. Unlike Aemond, Aegon rarely kept things from her. She asked, and he answered. Almost always. 

"It seems we've got some free time, anyhow," Aegon continued, lowering his voice as a pair of servants passed. "Fancy a few hours to ourselves?"

"Certainly," she agreed, trying to suppress a grin against the eager look upon the prince's face. "Helaena's asked me to collect some dirt for her bug enclosures. You're welcome to join me."

"You know that's not what I meant."

Rhae rolled her eyes, brushing past him and continuing down the halls with confidence, no longer possessed by fear of getting lost inside the castle. Since their first venture outside its walls, Rhae had taken to joining Aegon in searching the Red Keep for more hidden passages. Once you knew of a few, it became easier to locate more, and as residents of the castle, they'd plenty of time to look.

 Most paths merely connected different parts of the Red Keep, which made for faster and more secretive travel between towers and floors. The easiest to find were those that hid behind false walls; these proved good for eavesdropping on private conversation. Such discoveries were also their least favorite—so far, the most they'd ever learned was kitchen gossip. 

"You don't have to come if you don't want to."

Aegon groaned in protest, but knew better than to argue. He fell in line behind her, muttering complaints all the way.  

The pair walked their way to the nearest tunnel passage. These were the most difficult to find—Rhae and Aegon had only found two in their months of hunting. On the third floor, they slipped into a small room used by servants to stow supplies for cleaning. Inside, a large, heavy wardrobe full of brooms, rags, mops and buckets hid a secret door. If you pushed at its corners, the back of the furnishing opened to reveal a particularly long passage that led outside the city's walls. They'd discovered this one by accident. Rhae smiled fondly at the memory, taking a bucket for herself and handing a second to Aegon. Once concealed inside the walls, Aegon was quick to take hold of her free hand, leading the way.

"Are you joining us in the yard today?" He asked after a few paces. 

"You already know the answer to that," Rhae replied. She no longer wore bandages on her left arm, but it was still far from being back to normal. The Maesters said it never would be. The twisting, ugly, off-colored scars that remained were the least of her worries—the injury still ached and itched at random, and when she awoke, her arm was always rigid and difficult to move. The more she used it, the less she struggled, but every day seemed to serve as a reset in her progress. "I won't be the only one either. Ser Criston said the King will watch today."

"Great," Aegon said stiffly. 

"Isn't that what you want?"

Rhae had grown all too familiar with how unfamiliar King Viserys was with his children by Queen Alicent, but neither Helaena nor Aemond seemed to mind his absence like Aegon did. Whereas his younger siblings seemed to have accepted that their father would not or could not come to care for them, Aegon agonized. They'd discussed the matter at length, but his feelings seemed to change with each conversation—Aegon's outlook on his father was paradoxically both despairing and hopeful. Rhae wasn't sure which she found more upsetting.

 "It's better than nothing," he replied, steadying himself against the wall as their path began a steep decline to the ground floor. Their path leveled towards the bottom, but as they reached the end, the space above and below slopped. Their spines curled as they shuffled along—they were beneath the floor now. Aegon came to a halt. The trapdoor was just underfoot.

"Think you can handle it this time?" Rhae teased.

"Why don't you open it if you're so strong?" 

Rhae passed her bucket to the prince and reached blindly for the handle. She gave it a tug, to no avail. Aegon snickered. 

"Need some help?"

" No. " Rhae pulled again, but it did not budge. "Okay... maybe."

"I told you it was heavy." Aegon placed the buckets on the ground, shuffling along the wall to kneel beside her. "But you insisted I was being dramatic. I should let you struggle a while longer."

"You are dramatic," Rhae huffed, adjusting her grip on the handle. "It's stuck, not heavy."

"Uh huh."

"Just help me pull!"

The trapdoor flung open at last.

Rhae sat on the edge of the open hole in the floor, feet dangling. She knew the drop was short, but the darkness allowed her imagination to stretch the fall beyond reason. 

"Stay up here," Rhae instructed. The last time they'd taken this route, she and Aegon struggled to both get back up through the trapdoor. Rhae was much too short, and Aegon far too gangly. 

She dropped below, managing not to fall to her knees. After a moment of fishing her hands around the air above her, Rhae grabbed hold of the buckets from Aegon, then set to work on filling them. The earth was undisturbed, too tough to dig up with her fingers, and so she searched for a stone. Finding a suitably jagged rock, Rhae scraped it against the ground, loosening the soil. 

"Do you think Helaena maybe has too many bugs?" Aegon asked. "At the rate she's going, she's going to need a whole new room for her hobby."

"They don't exactly live long," Rhae pointed out, scooping dirt with both hands into the first bucket. "Besides, I don't think Helaena believes in 'too many bugs'." 

"It's gross." 

"Sometimes they're cute."

"Are you serious?"

"The butterflies and moths are!" Rhae said defensively. "And you know... those little fuzzy spiders."

"You like the spiders ?"

"Not all of them. Just... y'know, the jumping ones."

 Rhae heard the noise of fake retching from above. Not dramatic, my ass, she thought, rolling her eyes in the darkness.  

"You should see them in action," Rhae continued, once Aegon had finished. She fondly recalled when Helaena had first received the springing spiders from Lys. They'd built a long track using piled books, to test which of the tiny creatures could leap the farthest.    

"I think you two spend a little too much time together," Aegon said. "Cute spiders , honestly..."

"Just shut up and take the bucket."

Rhae filled the second much quicker than the first, leaving some room at the top to load some stone. Its contents rattled as she passed it up to Aegon, and she feared for a moment he may drop it back down on her head. A thunk told her the bucket had made its way securely into the castle. Now it was her turn. 

Rhae wiped her hands along the cavern walls, scraping them clean of dirt before she returned to the trapdoor. She could detect Aegon's arm waving around, searching for her. 

"Ready?" 

"Let's get it over with."

Rhae leapt, grabbing his forearm with her left side. The ruined skin of her burns protested in agony, feeling taut. Aegon grunted, pulling with all his might until Rhae could grab a hold of the ledge with her good hand. He continued to tug, helped only marginally by Rhae's attempts to heave herself upwards. As soon as her shoulder passed the top of the trapdoor, she threw her elbow over, using the leverage to rest her chest on the ledge. 

She dangled there a moment, allowing Aegon to pick himself off his stomach and crouch down to grip her beneath the arms. He leaned back, allowing his own body weight to take over most of the work. Rhae's hips passed the ledge, and as soon as she was able, she lifted a leg above as well. She pushed upward, and their combined momentum finally sent Rhae hurdling over, falling into Aegon. 

"We really ought to sneak a ladder down here," she laughed breathlessly, exhausted for the second time that day. 

"I dunno..." Aegon said, panting. One of his arms was still hooked beneath Rhae's, his hand resting on her back. "I don't mind this so much."

Rhae felt Aegon's other hand reach out and push away a few loose hairs, tucking it behind her ear with ease, even in the darkness. His touch was familiar, yet it still made her blush. She pressed closer to him, fingers reaching blindly for his face. The back of her knuckles had barely grazed his jaw before Aegon rushed to meet her, his mouth eagerly finding its mark. A satisfied sigh barely escaped Rhae's lips as she cupped his cheek, deepening the kiss. 

Rhae could not say for certain how long they continued their embrace—holding and groping and grabbing in the privacy of the Red Keep's passages, hidden away from prying eyes... Sometimes it felt like they could continue endlessly. 

Perhaps they would this time too, if not for the persistent ache that mounted in Rhae's mutilated arm. She pulled away at last, never having quite caught her breath, and pressed her forehead against that of the prince. 

"We should get going," Rhae said quietly, flexing damaged fingers. "I'm feeling sore, and we've still got to get these things back to Helaena."

Aegon groaned, nuzzling close to press kisses to her neck. "Alright," he mumbled after a moment, stretching. Now separated, they were both now keenly aware of how uncomfortable the ground really was. "I suppose you're right." 

They closed the trapdoor and collected the dirt and stone, climbing the steep path back up towards the broom closet. Legs ached as they reached the top, and the pair quickly pried open the wooden panel so that they may rest their throbbing fingers. Rhae dusted herself off as best she could with a stowed rag, cursing herself for filling the containers so high, as Aegon checked the hall for passing servants and nobles. 

Aegon accompanied Rhae all the way to the Helaena's hall before handing off his bucket. 

"You can make it the rest of the way, yeah?" he asked, craning his neck to check the sun outside. Rhae frowned, taking it from him. 

"What's the rush?"

"I've got to get to the Dragonpit." Aegon cast a quick glance at their surroundings before pressing one last kiss to her temple. "I mustn't be late—I'll see you in the yard!"

Mustn't be late? Rhae pondered this as she lugged both buckets down her final stretch. Aegon was late to everything. What in the Seven Hells was he up to?

When Rhae knocked, Helaena was quick to greet her. 

"Wonderful!" she exclaimed, relieving Rhae of the weight. "Now I can get started... you're welcome to take a rest in the armchair if you wish. You look exhausted."

Rhae collapsed into the nearest seat, massaging her scarred skin as Helaena set to work. She had three glass cases to fill, and Rhae watched as the princess filled each with dark, rich soil. 

"You even found some worms," Helaena giggled, holding one writhing for her to see. "How'd you carry these so far, anyway? They're awfully heavy."

"I got Aegon to help," Rhae said, trying her best to sound nonchalant. 

"Of course," Helaena nodded, a mischievous look in her eye. "He is always most eager to please you."

Rhae stared pointedly at the ceiling. While the other ladies often called Helaena 'simple', Rhae quickly came to learn she was anything but. The princess was sweet and kind, but alarmingly perceptive, and not above making others squirm. 

"I don't know what you're talking about," Rhae replied, but Helaena gave a knowing smile as she picked through a basket of sticks and foliage. 

"I wouldn't tell anyone," she pressed, carefully arranging twigs in the first case. Despite all being built of the same material, no two of Helaena's habitats ever came out the same. "Not even Aemond!"

"There's nothing to share."

"You're a lousy liar."

Rhae glared, but as always, Helaena remained utterly unfazed. Their eyes locked, and it seemed a battle of wills was at hand. Rhae knew deep down there was no real harm in telling her friend. She trusted Helaena to keep a secret, but it didn't make the prospect any less daunting. Aegon was her brother, and potential heir to the throne. Rhae was a moment away from confessing when a knock came at the door. 

"Ser Arryk!" 

The knight entered, a large satchel at his side. 

"Princess," he said, opening its flap as he approached the center of the room. "Lady Rhae. I come bearing bugs."

His haul was an impressive one: Six dead beetles and two frames of butterfly wings, a new praying mantis, a bright blue dragonfly that was instantly named Dreamfyre the Second, and finally, a large millipede that caused Helaena to squeal in delight. 

"They're beautiful!" She cried, throwing her arms around Ser Arryk's armored shoulders. The knight reddened beneath his beard, patting her on the back awkwardly. "Thank you!"

Ser Arryk stayed a while longer, helping Rhae finish the enclosures as Helaena studied her new insects. He was quiet and diligent, as he always was, only raising his voice to answer Helaena's questions about the merchant and his goods. It seemed the knight had been very thorough in his own interrogation when making his purchases, for he gave detailed responses.

Once the work finished, Ser Arryk bid them farewell,  then set off to return to the King's side. Rhae helped Helaena stow away the insects before washing their hands for lunch. As they ate, Helaena pulled some books from her shelves, consulting her usual encyclopedias for more information on the latest introductions to her collection. She seemed to have forgotten their conversation about Aegon.

As they neared the end of their meal, their conversation slowed to a halt. Helaena's eyes had glazed over, as Rhae was now accustomed to. Helaena never commented, nor even seemed to notice, when these spells took her. She would snap out of it eventually, perhaps a little more tired than before. Rhae learned it was best to leave her to her own devices during these times—giving her needlework or some creature to play with was usually best, as Aemond would often do.  

Rhae led her friend to sit on the carpet as the servants came to clear the lunch from the table and, bracing herself, went to collect the millipede from its new home. 

"Dreamfyre..." Helaena mumbled as Rhae approached. Rhae sat beside her, puzzled. "She doesn't wish to be disturbed."

"No worries, Hel, Dreamfyre the Second is still put away. I've got the millipede for you." Rhae quickly passed it off. "We'll need a name for him, too."

Another knock sounded at the door. This time, the Queen entered. 

"Your Grace," said Rhae. 

Helaena did not so much as look up, and Alicent gave Rhae an inquisitive look. She merely nodded, and the Queen took her meaning. Alicent had always tried to keep Helaena from feeling judged for her dissociative tendencies, and so she did not comment on it. Instead, mother sat beside daughter on the floor, gently stroking her hair. 

"Seven Hells..." she muttered once she'd spied the millipede in Helaena's lap. Try as she might, Alicent had much less success in hiding her concern over Helaena's hobby. She would never say it, but Rhae knew she found the creatures unseemly. "It seems we have no shortage of new additions to the family today."

"Has Rhaenyra delivered the baby?"

"That she has," Alicent said, rubbing at her brow. "A boy... healthy. Looks just like his brothers."

Rhae grimaced. For all her admiration of the heir, she could not deny how damning this was. 

"I have things I wish to discuss with you," The Queen continued with a sigh. "I'd request you to join me for dinner later this week. Our usual hour?"

"Of course, Your Grace."

"Until then... Helaena, dearest."

Helaena blinked up at her mother. 

"Yes?"

"Care to tell me what it was Ser Arryk found for you this morning?"

Helaena seemed to focus a bit, reciting what she'd received. When her voice would drift, Alicent would ask some line of inquiry, and the princess would re-find her concentration. By the time she introduced the millipede, Helaena seemed to be shaking her trance.

 "This one has sixty rings," she mumbled. "Two pairs of legs on each. That is two hundred and forty."

"Yes." Alicent offered a half-hearted smile. Her voice was weary. "It is."

"It has eyes," Helaena continued. "Though... I don't believe that it can see."

"And why is that so, do you think?"

"It is beyond our understanding."  

"I suppose you're right," Alicent said, rubbing Helaena's arm gently. "Some things just are."

Rhae did not think that the Queen was referring to the millipede. She watched their exchange with a hollow feeling in her chest, thinking of Rhea Royce, but mercifully she did not have time to dwell on this. 

For the third time, a knock sounded at the door. Another of the Kingsguard entered the room, escorting Aemond beside. His face was covered in dirt and grime, staring shamefully at the floor. Alicent was quick to her feet, rushing to investigate.

"What have you done?" 

"He's done it again," Helaena observed. 

Rhae did not need to ask what 'it' was—they all knew Aemond had been at the Dragonpit, and he was returned early. The look of guilt was clear as day. 

"How many times have you been warned?" Alicent demanded. "Must I have you confined to your chambers?"

"They made me do it!" Aemond protested, proving their assumptions. He must've been found in the caverns alone once again—a dangerous feat. Rhae's eyes narrowed. 'They' could only refer to the other princes.  

"As if you need any encouragement!" Alicent seethed. "Your obsession with those beasts goes beyond understanding!"

"They gave me a pig!" 

Helaena had returned her focus to the millipede, muttering to herself once again, but Rhae was now on her feet, watching on with mounting concern. A pig? The Queen echoed her disbelief. 

"A what?"

"They said they found a dragon for me." Aemond's eyes found Rhae, and she saw they were pooling with tears. He looked away, ashamed. "But it was a pig. They'd attached wings... called it the Pink Dread."

Rhae hands balled into fists. Was this what Aegon had been up to this morning? The urgent matter that required him to be at the Dragonpit on time? She did not care what Aemond had to say. She would have some words for Aegon when she saw him next.  

Alicent held her son by the shoulders. 

"You will have a dragon one day. I know it."

But her words seemed to have little effect. When he responded, Aemond's voice was thick with emotion. 

"They all laughed."

Alicent pulled Aemond into a hug, but his arms hung loosely at his side. 

"It's alright," Helaena mumbled from the floor. She held the millipede up to her eyes. In all the fuss, they'd turned glassy once more. "Soon they won't. No one will."

Next Chapter: Bastards and Betrothals

Trouble brews in the training yard when King Viserys comes to watch the princes' practice, Rhea confronts Aegon over his bullying behavior, and Queen Alicent makes a proposal.

AO3 | Chapter Discussion

Thanks for reading!

[galwithalibrarycard]

Hello, how r u? Soo, I just discovered love little losers (I was a huge fan on nmtd, but didn't know about lolilo). And I love your blog, thanks for keeping the fandon alive. Argh so, Freddie, does she gets better? Cause she's a little bit annoying. Pedro and Balt, I'm jumping out of my sits for them, the backslash? Really. I'm so excited to see more beadick. Anyway, I just wanna vent, thanks for the blog

I’m good thanks, hope you are too. And thank you! I’m definitely not the only one still here keeping the fandom alive, there’s still a few of us out here, but I appreciate the love! 😁 it’s nice to know people are enjoying my posts still!

We’re actually having a small resurgence in the tags with new people watching both series, which is fun. Those people inspire me to keep posting too, it’s all full circle.

I am… not really sure how to prepare you for lolilo tbh. It’s a loose adaptation of Shakespeare’s Love’s Labors Lost, and it’s a lot heavier and angstier than NMTD for one thing, so be warned. Pedrazar is a very slow burn, be prepared for a journey! I liked Freddie right away bc I relate to her anxious energy, but you might take some time to warm up to her, that’s fair.

I recommend you head to @beatriceeagle and check out the series of Lolilo meta analysis posts she made with her sister a few years back. It’s a show that trades in subtext and has a lot of important stuff go down offscreen. Reading the metas really helps give a more thorough understanding and insight into the characters and why they behave the ways they do. It might help you understand where Freddie’s coming from, and the others too.

As far as Beadick, I’ll tell you they will break your heart, but it will be put back together again. If you need more of them, the missing offscreen moments and development of their relationship are kind of my specialty in terms of fanfiction. I wrote “the world is too quiet without you nearby”, a 16-chapter fanfic covering the time period between NMTD and Lolilo when Bea and Ben are in a long-distance relationship (plenty of fluff to pad the descent into angst). I also wrote “And We Are Finally Home”, a fic that covers the Beadick relationship arc from the lolilo episode “Confrontation” on through the end of the show- and I WILL be finishing and posting the epilogue to that fic as soon as I can, but you can read the chapters that are already up and still get a pretty complete story there. You don’t have to read them, but i wanted to share because I’m proud of them and I think they’re a good companion to the show if you like Team B! Mind the tags, but there shouldn’t be anything in the fics you can’t handle if you can handle the actual show.

The most important thing you might not get from the videos themselves: it’s canon from the creators that Benedick and Freddie and Balthazar are all dealing with anxiety disorders of some kind, though the creators didn’t actually intend to write that going in- it just happened that they agreed with the fandoms interpretation later on. So everything Ben does is colored by anxiety constantly telling him that he’s too much and that no one likes him and the only thing he’s good for is a laugh- and the (false) worry that Bea is getting sick of him and can’t wait to leave on her travels to get away from him. He’s trying to keep people from leaving him. Freddie is the way she is because she’s desperate for control in life, it’s the only way she feels calm. And Balthazar is petrified of confrontation and retreats into himself when he’s stressed. A lot of this is covered in much better depth in the metas I mentioned, but I wanted to let you know. Not as an excuse for any of their actions, but as an explanation that might make it a less frustrating watch.

I hope that answer wasn’t too overwhelming. I am just incapable of being normal about these webseries and especially about Benedick Hobbes (look, you don’t simply forget the character who got you through your own social anxiety diagnosis, and this is the obsessing-over-fictional-characters website. I talk about other things too, I promise! xD)

Anyway, thank *you* for allowing me to share some thoughts right back! I hope you enjoy Lolilo! 😊💖🦩

[ybetzarts]

Just watched prime S3, today, like after a month...thoroughly enjoyed it, and i get where most of the frustration is coming from. Hmm...i think by spoiling myself a bit, listening to people's reviews, i sorta braced myself and lowered my expectations. I think it made me...appreciate the show more, it exceeded my already-low-expectations. It has flaws, and one that stands out the most is the few interactions between the cast variants(edit: except for the Roses, which makes sense coz it shows that Amy's really that friendly, it's ingrained in her personality), and...the ending, like...wut? I get the feeling that the show's trying to be as realistic as possible, in terms of pacing.

Honestly, i dont mind these flaws too much, the show was enough to get my gears going XDD. This is where, fanartists/fanwriters/imaginations come to play, they fill up that void.

ALSO! This season made me appreciate Gnarly more. The very few moments i got of him jus goofing around where genuinely funny to me. I LOVE it! Am rewatching it as i type this down and Renegade calling Dread cap'n! ahhhh...and ooooohhhh boy! The moments of Renegade just being everything!? Still mad that there weren't enough Dread scenes argh. (might update this)

[More below⬇️]

Edit 02/16

Appreciation time. Despite its flaws, which i dont think were too bad that it deserves hate, Prime did what it means to do: to entertain. I love the voice acting, animation was consistent all throughout(and it being overdone, as some people have pointed out, was something i disagree with, but definitely can understand. Prime has this animation style that emphasized on its squash and stretch. It's jus, a style of animation, not overdone in anyway. Theyve been consistent bout it too, which i really like. What is the right amount of animation tho? Things like disney? Maybe? Prime offers you something different, and i really like that about this show.

ALSO, THE END BATTLE AGAINST MR. DR. EGGMAN. Notice who fought him. All the new yolk cast variants! Love it.

[dangermousie]

Farscape Rewatch: Self-Inflicted Wounds, 2x03 and 2x04

First off, these are some of the best titles. So Good!

Farscape summed up.

Or perhaps this is:

(Though perhaps this one is more applicable to the next episode, Different Destinations, which to me is the bleakest Farscape episode ever.)

SIW is a two-parter I don't like as much as I should, all things considered. Maybe it's too much technobabble, or a bit of an odd pacing (it should have been a one-and-a-half parter, if there is such a thing, not a two parter). This said, Zhaaaaaaaaaaan. *wails* It makes sense from story point (nothing is for free, life for a life) and from behind the scenes point as poor Virginia Hey was getting ill from the make-up, but still...wail! Non-Zhaan stuff out of the way first: I get totally annoyed with the crew in this one when they blame Crichton for what happened. Zhaan gets a pass because she is dying, but I want to smack the rest of them silly. How is this Crichton's fault? How? It's just the Moyans' rotten luck. Pilot was the one who stopped the ship when they saw a wormhole, and they were there for a millisecond only before the pathfinders' ship crashed into them. They wouldn't have time to get out of the way regardless of anything, even Pilot stopping. And yeah, he trusted the aliens. But hey, even without wormholes, John is often too trusting, this is about the last spark of it. And considered abandoning ship but so did they all! But any 'selfishness' is certainly traumatized out of him with this. But then the crew doesn't really believe it's Crichton's fault: if they did, his throat would be ripped out. It's just a convenient target for frustrations. And hello, Crichton? Would take it and ask for more. So this ep ends with Crichton enjoying his favorite game: guilt and self-blame for something not really his fault.  Oh yes. But come on guys, just because he is there and available, doesn't mean you should do it! If you think about it, they subconsciously know, I think, that they can do it to him. Can you imagine the uselessness or the harm if they tried doing a genuinely blame session to D'Argo or Aeryn or Rygel? But Crichton likes to inflict blame and punishment on himself.

Harvey! Beginning of such brilliant, brilliant Harvey scenes! And I loved the brief guy-to-guy discussion between D'Argo and John: what if you try your best and it's not enough? That is something everyone on board Moya is familiar with. And John and Aeryn? Work so in unison. Heck, Aeryn is beginning to develop her own unworthiness issues as her convo with Zhaan shows. (I love the bit where Zhaan highlights similarities between them. She forgot to add 'we love insane men' to the list though). And there was this epic exchange:

That’s the thing that I always forget watching early S1 Crichton, his eyes open in wonder: it took a certain kind of person to get himself in the position to get into a wormhole even if unknowingly. He might be gentle and sweet and scientific when the thing starts, but it takes a certain kind of insanity and reckless bravery to go up in space flying basically an assmbled kit plane that you devised by yourself to test a completely random theory! Much more insane and risk-taking than his Dad who after all followed proper established procedures devised by others when he went. And then there is the scientific crazy curiosity that got him up there in the first, proving that he can be obsessive enough to not care about risk when he is really into it. Jool? God, I'd forgotten how irritating she was when she first joined. I ended up liking her by the end, but seriously, I want to strangle her. Crichton is being amazingly patient with her even when she tries to off him (probably out of obligation/guilt) but argh. I love Chiana's smackdown of her. And Zhaan's. But I like her around because I love seeing nasty things happen to her. Some relief from the darkness of S3: bad things happening to someone you actually don't like. Also, because of her we get exchanges like this:

Despite my snark about her, I confess I like Jool, and she does grow up. Mainly, I think, I am always a bit sympathetic to her even from the start, because I know that if I ended up in an unknown part of the world with lunatics, I'd be a lot more likely to be whiny like Jool and not awesome like John. Talk about a vacation gone wrong!

Chiana is wonderful too: so young, so brave, so scared. Yet so unwilling to abandon Moya. Crying to Zhaan about it. What a difference from season 1, when she was all for getting off at the least sign of trouble and Moya be damned. But they do have a bond, don't they? And I love that despite the implosion of that romance, D’Argo still cares for her, there is no cruelty or gloating in him. This is real and complex.

Other things? I love Stark in these eps. From his subtle manipulation of Rygel (by telling him Pilot likes him) from his snarking (when Rygel says he didn't vote for staying or leaving Moya. Rygel makes me want to choke him in these eps) that yeah, Rygel voted because 'I was your proxy.' Heh. And the bit with Jool, when the snitty bitch is having her little hissy fit and he flips on her because they are all dead, and his love is dead. And he tells her he will show her something that will make her weep forever. Stark can be scary! Oh, and the bits with Zhaan, from his seeing her look at her ravaged face in the mirror, and he is silent behind the door, and crying. 

To her trying to prepare him and his refusal. To the end, when he runs around like a trapped animal trying to get to her. 

To when he helps her cross-over. Ohhhh, my lovely secondary ship. 

I love the bit at the end when Aeryn wants to know why he isn't flipping and he is, in a contained way, and tells her it's because Zhaan was so at peace (and of course, death is what he knows best). But of course, his 'dealing' is temporary and comes and goes, as he admits to her (and see him crazed in DD). Zhaan and Stark are very yin-yang because in SIW he tells her he has a darkness which frightens lovers away but he is amazingly good despite it, and she is, after all, the good peaceful spiritual being who is, at the same time, had serious darkness and overcame madness. They are more similar than it appears at first glance.

I love Zhaan in this ep so much. She is scared yet brave, determined yet frail. And her farewell is lovely. I love how she hits exactly the hidden thing in each of her crewmates (D'Argo's sensitivity, John's innocence). And of course, the ep ends with John and Harvey, dressed in funeral attire. And even Harvey blames John! WTF!!!!!! (But Harvey is, after all, Scorpius blended with John so it’s really John blaming himself.)  And ends with John throwing his bottle at the screen, shattering it.

What a bleak ending. And that blame and self-blame are not fair. John is NOT selfish. He has a few things he would give anything for (AERYN. AERYN. AERYN) but that is true for anyone who is not a saint. Moyans have certainly done a lot of unforgivable things when their wishes were strong. Remember D'Argo, Zhaan and Rygel hacking off Pilot's arm for a chance at the map? Remember Chi and her stealing and thus unleashing the virus that leads to the Gammack Base and everything else etc? (Aeryn is rather exempt because she's been brought up to not want anything). Remember Moya's irrationality about Talyn? Their desires lead to anything from sheer irresponsibility and catastrophes because of recklessness to predetermined badness. John is obsessed with going home and wormholes (though even now, I think he is too damaged for Earth already, and not as much obsessed with them as with Aeryn). But I am sorry, comparing him with the actions above? Are you kidding? Considering giving up the ship that is dying but ultimately not? Wanting to check out wormholes for a second but not even having a chance to before the collision? (It's not like they were parked there for an hour and that's how they got hit). Seriously, the guy has enough self-loathing. He does not need any more. Lay off, the guy is already broken. But how realistic and human all that blame and self-blame are. Next? Different Destinations, and then Eat Me and the joy of two Crichtons: double your character, double your pain. This season is unrelentingly bleak.