#which honestly might make me even less mature than i was hoping lol. like 2 anguish over things nobody anguishes over is pretty stupid

[stinkbeck]

there’s something wrong with me. i keep going to people for advice when i know they just don’t have the capacity 2 help me. like what the fuck is wrong with me

[unlikelyempathpruneauthor]

I want it all Calum Hood x Reader

Summary: reader gives him space while he is on tour and Calum starts to worry.

A/N: alright so I got this from the kissing booth 2, so yeah lol. I usually know what to type in here but I somehow lost how to do it. anyway hope you enjoy and remember feedback is always allowed! love you all! also sorry if this is too short.

Calum had been leaving for a tour and you just knew every inch of you was going to miss him, you had no idea how the distance would affect your relationship, but you knew that you would have to give him some sort of freedom when he was doing something that he was so passionate about. You trusted him with all your heart and knew he would be as loyal as you were back home.

As he was packing he had asked for your help, you didn't really know how to act, so you just stood quite, cal noticed the small change in your attitude, you were more quiet and this worried cal that tour might be a dealbreaker for you and change your mind but you were actually the complete opposite. You were very proud of him and the band and the support you had was all there, you were just going to miss him which was normal since he was going away, but you didn't want to be that clingy girlfriend.

Cal stopped with what he was doing and was the first to break the silence, “hey, you alright love?” he said as you looked up with a frown, “yeah im okay, why?” you asked as you placed his clothing in the suitcase and he took your hands in his, “i just, uh you seem kinda distant since i told you i was going away for tour,” he said as you sighed, “sorry i didn't mean it to seem like that, i'm just gonna miss you is all cal, i’ve honestly never really experienced this ever, sorry-” you said as he cut you off softly, “no- it's okay, sorry i forget that sometimes, i'm gonna miss you too, so much, you are it for me you know that, i'll come back to you. I promise.” he said as he placed you on his lap as you smiled and pushed his hair out of his face, “i know you will bubs, and i will be here waiting for you, you're the only one for me.” you said as he smiled and took you in a hug wanting to be close to you, close to the point where he could feel your heartbeat.

Ever since he left, your days would go on much slower than usual, you had duke with you since cal wanted you to have some company and you were okay to watch him as well so he could work without worrying. Him leaving for tour wasn't the first time, but you still needed to get used to it. It was normal to have the need to want to see him but you didn't want to bother him while he was one tour. Of course you messaged him about duke and let him know how he was doing, you didn't really talk about yourself or about him. There was some constant communication within one another but it was small and cal wanted more. He didn't know how to ask, but he wanted more than the small texts you were answering. He had even talked to the guys about it wanting some advice. He was worried you were going to break up with him because of the distance.

“I don't know how to ask her i want more, i feel like i established what we are when i left,” he said as ashton nodded, “did you two talk before you left?” he asked as cal shook his head, “no we didn't, things were fine the way i left, we are fine now, but i'm just worried something is gonna happen..” he said as luke and michael were both in on this conversation, “like what?” michael asked as cal sighed, “what if she's breaking up with me, thats why shes not talking to me” he said as luke shook his head, “maybe she's giving you space like, having you worry less about what she may be going through,” ashton said as luke elaborated, “yeah she might think that traveling and going on tour is enough on your plate, she doesn't want to be a bothersome or clingy. Not saying she is, but this is probably what she feels or thinks.” he said as michael nodded, “yeah i agree with that, you two just need to talk and you need to reassure her and tell her what you want and what you are.” he said as calum nodded knowing that he would call you after the show.

“What if she doesn't want to, what if she doesn't answer” he said as ashton spoke, “well text her before hand, tell you her you want to talk before she goes to sleep.” he said as michael nodded, “ask her about her day and stuff,” he said as luke nodded, “yeah and then bring in the conversation,” luke said as cal nodded.

After their show he had called you but there was no answer, nothing from you not even a text back. You on the other hand had seen the phone ring but of course thought the absolute worst and didn't answer the call. The messages, yeah you saw them, again you didn't respond. It was around 12 at night and you were starting to feel guilty about not answering and you texted him first reading the text.

…

Hey dovey, just wanted to let you know I'm calling you after my show, so hopefully you will answer. @9:00

…

I forgot the time zones were different, so it's fine. I'll try to call you when you're either free or not sleeping. Love you. @10:34

…

Hey, it's fine no worries, talk to you soon love you and take care. @12:01

Honestly what could you say. You didn't know what to say at all. You didn't want him worrying about you. He had his tour and that's what you wanted him to focus on. His tour. That's it. He could worry about you when he got back. Your mind would keep telling you to leave him be and to not be clingy so you listened to the small voice, but you didn't know how much it was affecting Cal that you weren't talking to him.

It Sounds so weird to say, but I mean you didn't want to be that clingy girlfriend who just always talked to her boyfriend 24/7. You didn't want to ruin his tour experiences by you always being there. Which was one of the reason why you didn't go on tour when he had asked you if you could come. To be frank you had saved sick days, but you didn't want to bother him, you didn't want him and his friends to feel weird with you being there, even if all their girlfriends were going.

You were at work just finishing up some emails as normal as you saw your phone light up with calum’s name on your screen.

Hey dovey, whats up?

You looked at the screen and just went straight back to your computer not wanting to answer fast and making you seem like you had missed him a lot, again your overthinking brain was doing the analyzing and not you. A couple minutes later it had vibrated again and you got into the chat but didn't type you just looked at the message.

You there?

You sighed and you were contemplating on what you should do, you thought just call him and talk to him, but a part of you was telling you to not call him since he could be busy.

Seconds later your boss came towards you as you frowned, “hey you have a phone call from your dad called, he said it's some family emergency and urgent” she said as you were quick to your feet wondering why your dad called you at work knowing that he had your phone number.

“The phones over there,” she said as you nodded and walked over to the office and picked up the phone, “hello?” you said as you heard his voice, “whats going on with you?” you heard cal say as your eyes went wide as you coughed, “what- what do you mean dad?” you said pretending to be shocked as you looked over at your boss as she looked at you with worry, “why aren't you texting me back.” he said as you tried to find an excuse to leave you alone to talk to cal.“oh-what? That's terrible horrible news about...Aunt...Pepper.” you said as your boss looked over at you, “is everything okay?” she asked as you looked at her with a sad look, “no, uh could i have a moment in private?” you asked as she nodded leaving you in the office alone as you were brought back to the situation, “why are you pretending to be my dad?” you asked as he sighed, “it was the only way i could think to get you on the phone” he said worried as you sighed, “oh that is not true” you said as he shook his head, “no it is true, you barely call and when you text, you send these weird two-word text messages, like you kno, “take care” and “talk soon.” he said as you sighed and he thought the worst wondering why this was happening, “are-are you breaking up with me?” he asked as you were quick to respond, “what no no no no! The opposite.” you said as he spoke back, “then what? Why? Why are you ignoring me dovey?” he asked as you exhaled, “cal, i..i don't know, well i'm trying to be mature and not come off as some clingy girlfriend,”  you said as he frowned, “y/n, i told you i wanted to make this work,” he said as you sighed opening up to him, “yeah i know but people always say that when they leave. I guess I'm just giving you space. you know for tour and stuff, i don't want to bother you with texts and facetime calls.” you said as he frowned, “space for what love? I don't want space, I want you. I want you all around me all the time. I want you right now with me” he said as you smiled at his words.

“Im sorry cal, i miss you a lot, i want you here with me too, i'm sorry i made you worry.” you said as he took a breath in, “don't be sorry dovey, i love you okay? i want you to check up on me with text and facetime calls. I want it all even if you're clingy, I don't care, I want it. You're my girlfriend and I'm your boyfriend aren't I dovey.” he said as you nodded as if he was there, “yeah you are.” you said as he smirked, “i'm your what?” he asked as you rolled your eyes, “you're my boyfriend.” you said very peachy as he chuckled.

“Now just text me alright, i don't care what it is as long as it something from you, it can even be a meme, but i want you to text me okay?” he said as you giggled, “okay i will,” you said with a smile as he spoke again, “i'm gonna call you after my show, i want to talk to you before you fall asleep.” he said as you blushed a little, “alright i'll be waiting bubs.” you said as you said your goodbyes and ended the call.

Despite your overthinking brain you were left reassured that this man was going to be in your life forever no matter what and the unconditional love will always be there. Cal knew this as well, probably since the first time he met you. You two were perfect for one another and there was nothing that could tell you two otherwise.

[skaylanphear]

Hi there! Do you have any advice on improving traction towards a fanwork/fic? I love writing—and it's not for notoriety by any means—but having validation and feedback also feels nice (I hope that's not conceited). What would you recommend to someone without a large audience/follower base? I do "advertise" on tumblr when my work is written/updated on AO3. How did your journey start? Thank you!

This is an interesting question and I doubt most people are going to like the answers, but here we go:

So, first and foremost, you need to be realistic about why you're creating in the first place. If you're doing work in a fandom that is older, where content has stopped coming out, or that is simply smaller, you're not going to get much engagement, period. There will, of course, be activity in these fandoms, but it will be far less and the people involved—while they may view your work—will be less likely to comment/spread it around simply because there's not much going on. So if you're creating in that sort of environment (which can be a really good environment if you're looking for something chill with no pressure), then you have to be prepared for low engagement, even if the people you do meet and who are willing to talk about your work are more regularly in your sphere. You can probably make better/closer friends in these sorts of fandoms, if you're willing to try.

But, on the other end of this, if you're coming into a huge fandom late, it's also going to be harder to wade through the massive following to get your stuff out there. For example, in both the Miraculous and Sk8 fandom, I started work pretty early on, when the shows were still gaining traction, and so my "name" as a creator gained traction parallel to that growth, as opposed to when I started writing in the Voltron fandom. With Voltron, I came in super late and so what few fics I had that did gain traction took a lot longer to get there because people already had their fav content creators in the fandom, etc. It's not impossible to get popular in this situation—far from it—but it does take longer.

You'll also benefit from having finished works early on in a fandom's lifespan, at least with writing. This is because there's less competition for views and so more people will be filtered to your work, initially. This means that you have a better chance of getting those comments and kudos. Having a finished work increases this engagement because people look for finished works before works in progress. Generally, the length of a fic doesn't matter much for popularity, so long as it's DONE. When I was writing in the ML fandom, quite a few of my earlier fics were shorter, and they compete in popularity with my longer fics, because people care more about having a finished story, not a long story. That's why when it came to Only Practice Makes Perfect in the Sk8 fandom, I worked hard to get that shit done, because it was the most popular story I had in the fandom and I decided—like an idiot—to make it a long fic. Which, yeah, means people probably love it/remember it more in the long run, but if I hadn't finished it in 2 to 3 months, I'd have lost considerable traction as far as making a name within the fandom.

This leads into one of the most important points, if not THE MOST IMPORTANT point in gaining an audience—consistency. If you do want to be a successful creator, you Have To Be Consistent. This is the most difficult hurdle for all creators, and it is oftentimes impossible to make happen. If you want to aim for professionalism, which a lot of fandom creators don't care about (which is fine), then consistency is how you get there. Nobody wants to read a fic or follow an artist who doesn't stick to creating what they start (RIP all my unfinished works and the people who left me as a result, LOL). Using my most recent works as an example, I very, very, very consistently updated Only Practice Makes Perfect multiple times a week. To the point where people got comfortable expecting it, which is the key variable here. When people become comfortable that you will regularly create content, they not only stick around, but will be more interactive with you and your work. Nobody likes the disappointment of getting involved with a work only for that work to rarely get updates. Most people don't have the attention span to care. I'll admit, if I read a fic that's not finished and the writer takes one week to update, then one week, then THREE weeks, I probably will, like, forget about it. That's just life.

The best thing you can do is schedule. And again, this is the HARDEST thing to do, because it holds the creator to a deadline. Most people who create in fandoms don't want that kind of pressure—and that's fine. I go back and forth on when I have scheduled releases and when I don't, depending on what I'm aiming to do. But if you to retain your audience, telling them that you will update a work regularly on such and such a day and such and such a time, it creates something for them to remember. If they're invested in your work, they will think, "oh, it's Friday, that means such and such is coming out with something new." But, with that in mind, you also have to commit to a schedule that people will remain invested in. Which basically means you can't put things out more than a week away from each other, unless you're really, really famous, lol. If I told people I was going to go on a two week update schedule, I would lose most of my audience. But a week is long enough for people to both still remember and anticipate. That's just how the scheduling of the world works. And if you're an artist that's working on a big project, then you have to share progress, or pieces of what you're doing on a regular basis. That's what generates "buzz" and keeps you relevant. And, yeah, that's a really hard schedule to commit to, because it's a lot of work. BUT this consistency is where you see people being successful. Popular youtubers may not have gained their popularity by being consistent, but most sure do retain it that way. And again, there are outlying exceptions, but they generally ARE exceptions.

Speaking of hard work, here's probably the second hardest thing to accomplish—you have to be prolific. Especially as a writer. You have to write A LOT if you want to gain an audience. And yeah, that means you have to work, a lot. I love my work, so I enjoy that "grind," and I also have developed a lot of strategies to work around writer's block and every other obstacle that tends to catch people up. I work in a very professional manner—I do outlines, and drafts, and plan. I do a lot of stuff that people who do this kind of thing for fun can't be bothered with (and that's fine), but that's because I find it to be what works best in creating an efficient environment. I'm also very, very NOT lazy, lol. I was raised in an environment where you have to work for everything that you want. My parents didn't buy me my first computer, or snowboard, or what have you. We were tight on money and if I wanted something, they couldn't help me—I had to get that shit on my own. And I also grew up on a farm, where hard work was a staple of how you did things. You did things the right way, even if it was the hard way. You can't cut corners and it's the same with this. If you want it, you have to actually do the work, that's it. Some people get lucky with popularity, most don't. Most famous actors didn't become well-known off their first efforts, they had to keep trying and keep working and then they have to continue to do that to stay relevant. So if that doesn't sound great to you, then you might want to not focus on your audience and just create because you enjoy it, lol. Sometimes that's what I do too, when I don't wanna deal with the pressure.

Moving on, here's another point that nobody is going to like. Simply put, you also have to be good at what you do. I think some people don't realize that I've been writing fic for over fifteen years. I currently have nearly 2 millions words worth of fics on AO3 and that doesn't include a majority of the stuff I've ever written. I practice A LOT. I write every day. And I'll tell ya, when I started out in middle school, my stuff was not good. But I worked hard, I ignored the hate, and I kept going. That is the only way you will ever get better at anything. There's no quick way to become a better writer, or artist. And a vast majority of people are only going to pay attention to your stuff if it's quality work. Getting to that point is a process, on top of then creating stuff that fits into popular molds. Not only am I good at what I do (and I don't care how arrogant that sounds—I've worked my ass off), but when it comes to fandoms, I rarely write "rare pairs" and "crack ships." Generally, if it's popular, that's where I am. That makes a big difference and I honestly don't have sympathy for people who write rare pairs and such and then complain about lack of engagement. You knew what you were getting into (it's mostly the Miraculous fandom that gave me this bitterness). If you're not writing what people WANT to read, then your audience is simply going to be smaller. And that audience doesn't owe you their attention, no matter how frustrating it is or how good your work is. I could be the best writer in the world, but if I'm writing RekixCherry fic, I have nobody to blame but myself when nobody reads it. BUT if that's your passion, and writing a certain unpopular thing makes you happy, then, again, you need to not be concerned with traction and your audience.

The last point I'll make is that it matters HOW you present yourself online. A good chunk of the well-known creators in any fandom are, simply put, older people. And those that aren't, and are able to connect with those older creators, have generally created a bubble around themselves of maturity and, like, of being nice, lol. A lot of creators are skittish these days, and if you're an asshole (anti) or fight a lot over stupid shit, you may get a bigger audience, but you will isolate yourself from other creators. And this is important because oftentimes it is your exposure to other creators that will get your work circulating. The reason I got popular in the ML fandom? I wrote a short angst fic and a really popular artist shared it/talked about it and the rest was history. But if I'd had a habit of being an asshole, probably wouldn't have happened. And, granted, I'm not saying don't voice your opinions, but if you're loud all the time, it does turn people off. Especially creators because they are oftentimes the ones being attacked. They don't want to pull more of that negative bullshit into their lives. I'll admit, when I was in the ML fandom, I was down for a fight, but then that's what people came to expect, and it probably did turn others off, and then when I didn't fight, or didn't think the way my audience thought I should, it, again, turned people off. It's really not worth it unless being that type of person IS your platform.

So, that's all the advice I can give, I suppose. And even if you do all this stuff, that still doesn't mean you're going to be popular. At the end of the day, the thing that I stick to is this—I do what I want, I love what I do, and I work hard. If I'm in a position to worry about all that other stuff, then sure, I do, but otherwise… There's no easy way to become popular and, quite frankly, it's better to just "live" working hard and being a decent person than it is to focus on all this bullshit. I've created a working environment where I function within these "points" quite naturally, so it's not something I think about (except for schedules, lol). Sometimes I get popular in fandoms, sometimes I don't. At the end of the day, it comes down to how much work you're willing to do, because you will always be giving more than you are getting back, so you have to at least enjoy what you're doing.

Seriously, just do it because you love it. And if the pressure of everything above is something you don't love (I like a good, high pressure situation, lol), then don't do it that way—it's not worth the grief.

[generallypo]

in all sincerity, kim dokja makes me happy and he deserves to be so too :^(

incoherent yelling and sobbing under the cut. these fEELINGS will not be contained aaauuunnghhh. 

------

anyway i binge-read all 500+ chapters of ORV this week and i honest to god feel bad for this -- completely! fictional! aghhhh -- guy. in case you haven’t figured it out, the following is some spoilerly shit

i went in expecting a fun, brainless power trip fantasy for dudes with an isekai addiction. instead, it turns out ORV is actually a gigantic, self-deprecating prank on the entire genre itself. kdj plays more into the sad -- if high-functioning-- clown trope than the sexy, edgy, chuuni bastard type i was prepared to laugh at. there were -- gasp! -- female characters with personalities! parents (aka ADULTS who act like ADULTS) who actually survive and feature prominently! adorable children! a real sexy, edgy bastard! a power trio with amazing fashion! sexual tension and bickering! friendship! life and death bonding! 

*breathes in deeply* fouND FAMILYYYYYYY.

like, yeah, the plot around the first few arcs seems a little aimless, but the buildup is worth. the world-building is pretty decent. there’s discernible effort put into the fight scenes, and i can appreciate that. but -- but! what i stayed for were the characters -- namely, the fantastic OT3 of KDJ, HSY, and YJH -- who come together despite their initial rivalries and end up saving each other’s asses, like, every other day. granted, the other characters don’t get as much focus, and they do fall into certain character tropes.. 

but a trope done well is nothing i would gripe about. every significant character in ORV has a coherent, and more importantly, respectful take on their respective trope. maybe it’s because sing-shong is actually a married couple, but all the interactions between even minor characters are a convincing blend of awkward rambling, suggestive humor, sharp remarks, and casual banter. in other words, this cast of mostly working adults (plus a teen and two kids) talks like working adults. the relationships built throughout the story are, frankly, some of most realistic of its genre. sing-shong has managed to craft a dynamic that undoubtedly brims with fluffy fondness all around, but also drips with sarcastic tension, with unspoken urgency, with a wariness that softens into sincerity over the course of many, many chapters. it’s the kind of progression that makes even stock characters read like more than just the 2-bit villain or comrade or love interest. here, we have relationships both straightforward and not, strained or otherwise, romantically-oriented as well as decidedly the opposite -- and then numerous others scattered along the spectrum with the freedom to shift either way. 

it’s also an interesting point of note that our MC kdj actually does not end up with a stated romantic partner, much less a conventional heteroromantic harem. he gets teased about that fact from time to time, but it’s with less of the sleazy shonen locker room humor one would expect and more of the good-natured ribbing you’d find among friends or that one especially nosy auntie at the yearly family reunion. kdj is a grown ass man. in the background, i applaud his maturity, and he handles all the prodding like a champ. 

so instead of finding and fulfilling his horny, he builds himself a wealth of loving family. yeah, there are beautiful men and women around him. yeah, they unequivocally adore him. but they’re also adults, and they have priorities, too -- which are not so much finding a way to bang kdj’s brains out and more so simply keeping the damn guy alive. this is truly not ‘oblivious mc with his thirsty, sex kitten harem’. it just so happens that a guy proves himself to be unflinchingly gentle and capable in an apocalyptic setting despite his broken self-esteem, and lots of people find that attractive, romantically and platonically. 

it.. kinda makes sense? he’s a hard worker, thoughtful, and good with kids. kdj is the kind of guy you know would make a reliable partner, and anybody with eyes can plainly see and appreciate that. 

and it’s not that our MC’s a total brick wall. in fact, it’s likely the opposite, and he’s just too darned repressed to admit it. from what has been implied, kdj does indeed recognize and accept love, or at least a primitive concept of it. i like to imagine that the kind of love that he ends up seeking out simply manifests itself more easily as acceptance and safety, as warmth and a home of people to return to every day. even better, the people who surround him know this, and they give him exactly that. it’s refreshing, and honestly, really sweet.

(as a side note, i really, really do appreciate the cosmic bi energy radiating off of kdj, who canonically earns the title of being loved by all and is all but in name married to yjh and hsy. he also respects women and small children and honestly anyone who isn’t total scum to him or his family. i respect that.)

but the happy stuff aside, you know it it just ain’t ORV without the generous screaming dollop of angst. admittedly, there’s self-sacrifice, injury, lonesome wandering, more sacrifice, some epic fighting, reunion and confrontation. all of it is a lot to digest, sure, but never does it feel entirely hopeless, or truly, truly heart-clenching. ORV, up until the final act, is a mostly light read. you relax in your chair, thinking that nothing beyond this point can disturb you. 

yeah fucking right.

------

and then the beginning of the end arrives. when the squad finally break through to their ‘ending’, the scene that kind of breaks me is the reveal of the Most Ancient Dream. it ties so much thematically into the little tidbits that we get of kdj’s past, and it though it feels like almost a joke that the source of the goddamn apocalypse is a kid with bruises smeared across his skinny ass body -- it’s such a pathetic picture that it’s kinda poetic, actually. you’re left mystified but somewhat convinced, like a math problem explained halfway through. this.. child.. is a villain somehow, isn’t he?

and then 999th turn uriel speaks up, and she. just. hugs him. 

[[You are this universe’s most powerless existence, aren’t you.]] 

that. that gets me. kdj’s reaction immediately upon this revelation? absolute murder. seeing him essentially self-destruct upon realizing that all these people he’s surrounded himself with -- some who continuously proclaim their loyalty and affection for him throughout their journey, some who suffered eons of war and loss and trauma because of his existence -- not only forgive his younger self but smother him with unconditional acceptance and love is stifling, is too vulnerable and exposed and he simply can’t cope -- it’s so telling of his true mentality, of his crippling insecurity and crumpled sense of self-worth. kim dokja is a liar, through and through, so much that he fails, or perhaps refuses, to comprehend the veracity of others’ kindness and love towards himself. 

by some miracle, the events at the end of the world somehow resolve.. or so it seems. there is a departing train, a liberated team of ex-gods, and a child rousing from his slumber. in the aftermath, i am left shaking. somehow, despite the ending having been (happily?) reached, there’s still another chapter ahead. what is this witchcraft?

------

and then ah, yes -- the epilogue arc. i teetered on the edge of being critical for a little bit there -- is that display of deus ex machina, of sad, self-sacrificing nobility a bit too egregious to be acceptable? is this some wild last let-me-yank-this-outta-my-ass plot twist to drag out the chapter count? i sincerely thought that the arc before it would have been the finale. i was wrong. thank god.

anyways, as an answer to the above: no, and no. i stake my firm claim on the belief that the epilogue arc was meticulously planned out well in advance of its release, confusing and time-warpy as it is. i liked it. tremendously. even if it entirely invalidates all of kdj’s supposed development (”haha lol yeah sure i won’t sacrifice myself or anything anymore guys don’t worry about me” -- KDJ, at some point because he’s a lying rat bastard). actually, our beloved MC disappears for a large chunk of this arc, and i think it’s great. in his absence, the other characters not only go absolutely fucking nuts, but they have to figure out this new problem on their own, even if the lure of peaceful complacency in the newly saved Korea might convince them otherwise. 

and then the whole time paradox thing comes around. yjh goes to space, hsy saves the only life she can, and kdj grows up. the crew waits, holding onto their hope even if it bleeds them dry. sing-shong does a damn good job of illustrating their fraying calm, their lurking madness, the unseen but pervasive depression that seeps in from kdj’s absence. the kids lose their father, lhs and jhw lose their reliable leader figure, ysa loses a best friend and confidant, lsk -- as distant as she pretends to be from her son -- loses her only child. and then there’s hsy and yjh , who are essentially bereft of the other half of their existences. their pain is palpable, is grounded in the hopeless, gnawing frustration of an utterly meaningless victory. emotionally, ORV hits all the right -- if agonizing -- beats.

however, a story can’t sustain itself just through its pathos. i’m happy to say that ORV doesn’t drop the ball after the first milestone, and after all the hurt, the characters do leap straight back into action. even better, the plot holes actually do get patches, and the poetic cycle of writer, protagonist, and reader comes full circle by making use of all those supposedly throwaway characters from the myriad world lines. 

at the end of the road, there is a distinct sense of unity, of a delicate but undeniable cohesion to the world lines and their origins. sing-shong lets us guess a little here at the finish, but there’s just enough information to feel hopeful. maybe there never had been a definite start -- or finish -- to the story of kdj company, and... that’s okay. everybody ends up where they were meant to be, where they fought and struggled to reach. it’s.. almost like a happily ever after, if we’re allowed to dream of that.

------

now, i realize, this was all an orchestrated maneuver.

i’ll take it.

to me, all of this work sounds like someone put some serious thought into this behemoth of a plot. it cements the entire original premise of the story. it suggests -- but never explicitly confirms! -- the possibility that breaking free of the cycle is possible through the exact same system that sustains it. it’s terribly interesting -- and inspirational! with all the dramatic revelations and life-threatening scenarios  and the cast’s resigned acceptance of them that essentially make up ORV’s entire mood, there’s still that last hint of rebellious and righteous anger that lights up the whole damn nebula. it’s like the kdj company blasting away at the heavens just to yell into the nether: we’re not looking for the happy end, but the free one. stay alive.

it’s subtle, and yet it’s such an emotional gut punch. i came away with the most ruinous, frustrating, bittersweet sense of longing in ages. i pined. for these fictional darlings. god, i am weak.

so. yeah. ORV is pretty good. flawed, but ambitious and impressively thought out.  i’m stoked that the webtoon is making pretty good progress, even if it’ll take an eternity and a half to meet that monstrous chapter count. i’m still gonna follow it. hell yeah. 

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(by the way the idea that secretive plotter and co are literally gonna take care of and raise baby kdj and spoil him and be the best friggin family a kid could ever want does things to me. protect him. he’s suffered too much. let at least one worldline’s version of him know happiness. and actually, aLL OF THEM DESERVE DOMESTIC BLISS TOGETHER IN A BIG OL MANSION WITH SUN AND FRESH AIR AND TENDER FAMILY MOMENTS UGH)

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and there you have it, folks. you made it to the end. in the far, far distance, i’m cheering you on and crying my eyes out in gratitude. thanks for tuning in!

[love-fireflysong]

yIt's done. It took me waaaay to long to write this piece out but between June and my computer apparently deciding to kick me in the teeth this month, the fact I made it to 5 full squares completed anyways I will gladly take as a victory! And, just fyi, this WILL be the last piece for this month. I know that there is still another four days left of June, but I am sick and tired of dealing with my keyboard so this is the last fic you're gonna see from me until I get a new laptop hopefully fairly soon. (Unless I decide that I'm desperate enough to try and write things out on my tablet of course...)

Anyways, the First Date trope was specifically requested by @jesus-hotsauce-christmas-cake when I let her know that the one she did guess (road trip) was going to be a second chapter of a twoshot. Which you still might get because I'm very likely going to be sharing the short little summary blurbs I had written down for each trope so people can very easily bully me into writing them anyways if people still wanted to read them. And even though it would be like months and months late, still post them under this bingo board because I can and I had a cool idea for what I was doing with the colours and layout before life decided to say 'NO!' in a very firm voice. (Unless of course the three lovely ladies that came up with this idea in the first place say no obviously)

Rambling over though now I promise. Chocolate Covered Confessions can be read over and AO3 of course, with the full fic also under the readmore as well.

Chocolate Covered Confessions

Trope: First Date Fandom: Until Dawn Characters: Ashley Brown, Chris Hartley Words: 8214 Rating: General (though reader beware there is some almost scandalous hand holding and a couple of scandalously public kisses. You have been warned...) Authors Notes: Oh look, more chrashley fluff. Who da thunk it? Pride month? What pride month? This is just me apparently figuring out how many different ways I can get Chris and Ash to confess their feelings. Because you only read like three of them, I still have another two waiting in the wings. Plus at least three others if you count climbing chrash lol.

Something was...weird. It wasn't something that Ashley could put her finger on just yet, but something was definitely off that was for sure. The problem of course was that she didn't even know where to start looking in the first place, because for the most part her day had been extraordinarily ordinary.

She, Chris, and Josh had planned to go and see a movie Saturday morning a few days back and then hang out the rest of the day. But seeing as they were, you know, best friends that certainly wasn't the issue. Not even close. They always made plans to do stuff like that together. And yeah, okay, so maybe Josh had 'coincidentally' texted them just before the movie started to let them know that something unavoidable had come up and he wasn't going to be able to meet up with them. And when her and Chris had brought up just waiting until a later showing when he was free, he had immediately been quick to affirm that nope, he was going to be busy the whole rest of the day actually. So the two of them could continue with their original plans and they could make it up to him another time.

While certainly suspicious, that wasn't what was wrong though. Josh had been flaking out on their plans more and more, especially when it was plans that took up an entire day. Ashley Brown wasn't stupid. No siree Bob she was not! She knew exactly what Josh was trying to do by leaving her to spend the day with Chris. Alone . And she appreciated it (she really did!), but if Chris was going to make a move then he would have done it ages and ages ago, because she sure as hell wasn't going to do it! Ashley Brown wasn't stupid, but she also wasn't exactly what you would call brave either.

Not that Chris had seemed to notice what Josh was pulling though, he had just sighed and rolled his eyes with a grumbled "fucking typical", and then the two of them had entered the theater to watch the movie. And as per their usual shtick when Josh wasn't there with them, Chris paid for the tickets while she paid for the food and drinks. Or, at least, that was how it normally went. Instead, when she had decided to take a run to the bathroom while he held their spot in the long concession line, she had come back to Chris waiting for her with the pop and popcorn already in hand. After brushing off her flustered apologies, he had explained that shortly after she had left, another cashier had popped on till so the line had gone down in half the time either had expected. And it seemed like a dick move to just wait there until she came back so he had just decided to get the food instead.

She still felt a little guilty about it honestly, even after swearing that she would get both the tickets and food next time.

And, to be completely fair to Josh, he hadn't exactly been missing out on a lot by skipping out on the movie. It wasn't a horror flick (he would never even think of skipping out on that after all) so it wasn't one that he would feel the need to make the two of them watch again with him. Which was more than fine honestly, because if she was to describe the movie in a single word, well, that word would definitely have been 'dreadful'. If she was given a few more words, then she would have easily elaborated and stated that it was 'a boring, plot-hole driven mess, with only extremely over-the-top action scenes and explosions every five minutes to carry any semblance of the extremely loosely written plot'. In other words, she had lost interest in the movie barely half an hour in, and considering that Chris had started scrolling through his phone bored, she wasn't alone in this boat either.

Still, Ashley had resolved herself to sit through this over-budgeted explosion fest if only because movie tickets were horribly expensive. Not to mention the fact that Chris had shelled out money for both the movie and the food. But then he had turned to her, asked if she was as bored to tears as he was, and once he got that confirmation, asked if she wanted to just ditch the movie entirely. And she did—she really, really did—but didn't want Chris to waste the money he had spent more. And then yet another explosion...exploded on screen, and she realized that she was wasting precious hours of her life that could be used to do something more fun and less mind-numbingly boring.

Like watching paint dry. That at least had a semi-cohesive plot.

And so the two of them had walked out, continuing to share the extra buttered popcorn between them (the movie may have been awful, but the popcorn certainly wasn't) as they left the movie theater behind and wandered into the nearby mall. That wasn't the strange thing either. The mall and subsequent window shopping had absolutely been part of their day plans after, even if those had been unexpectedly pushed forward a couple of hours.

Admittedly the art show that the mall was running in one of the empty storefronts was unexpected, but  it had been simply a nice surprise and a great way to kill time. So after paying the $2 entrance fee, the two of them had continued to share the popcorn as they looked at some of the paintings and sculptures that had been on display, giggling childishly at most of them. And okay, so one of the curators had been glaring at them( or rather, at their greasy, butter-covered fingers) the whole time, but that had just been a little rude and insulting. Not strange. And that had stopped almost the moment they had run out of popcorn, Ashley nudging him in the stomach with her elbow as she licked her fingers clean, and the two of them laughing under their breaths at the curator who had looked exceptionally much more at ease once Chris had crumpled the empty bag into a ball.

The rest of their day in the mall had just been spent following the rest of their day's plan, wandering from shop to shop and browsing at all the things that caught their eyes, and then taking a break after a few hours to have a late lunch in the food court. The two of them checked out another couple of stores, these ones to try and get some ideas for Josh's birthday in another month, before moving onto the small arcade on the top floor. As part of their deal and agreement since it had just been Josh and Chris (Ashey not joining the duo until five years later), Chris bought the tokens needed while she scouted out the various games for an empty console and claimed it until he could join her in another couple of minutes.

They spent the next hour in there, trying to beat each other or work together depending on the game in question. They almost never played a game twice before moving onto the next one, in hopes to both try as many games as possible before their self imposed hour ended and to see if they could beat their previous high scores or make it onto the leaderboard in only a single try. But as the hour came to a close, they both made their way over to their final game: one of the racing simulators scattered around the arcade. And as had been done for ten years now, played to determine which of them would be paying for the tokens next time they came.

And once the race ended, with Ashley winning by photo finish for the third time in a row (and celebrating her winning streak by maturely sticking out her tongue and doing an awkward little shimmy dance in the seat while Chris jokingly sulked and pouted), they had finally left the mall altogether and got into Chris's truck. There, he had surprised Ashley with the novel she had been eyeing in the bookstore (or at least, eyeing closer than all the rest she had picked up) and that he had somehow been able to buy without her noticing. And that certainly hadn't been weird, because it had been so exceptionally sweet of him, sweet enough that Ashley had so badly wished that she could thank him properly. But as mentioned before, Ashley Brown was a coward pure and simple, so she had just clutched the book to her chest and beamed at Chris in heartfelt thanks instead.

He may have said something in reply, but Ashley had already settled into the passenger seat and opened to the first page of the book, so she was already long gone. A fact that Chris had anticipated, if the light chuckle he had let out before starting the truck meant anything. And no, Ashley reading a book while Chris drove them to their usual game store across town was not the strange thing either. If Chris hadn't wanted her to read on the drive over and talk to him, then he never would have given her the book now of all times. He would have waited until he had dropped her off home, or not even bought the book in the first place. After over a half a decade of friendship, if anyone knew what would happen after giving Ashley Brown a new book, it was Chris Hartley.

The drive over is done quicker then she had expected, and even then Chris still hadn't let her know that they had arrived until she had finished her chapter. Yes he had certainly teased her about it the entire time, joking about how she would never find someone as understanding of her reading habits then him (he didn't know how right he was, that she didn't want to find anyone else), but the fact that he had just continued to let the music play in the truck and distracted himself on his phone was so unbearably sweet that she decided to let it lie.

The fact that Ashley and Chris hung around in the game shop comparing dice and looking at new books while wincing over the prices for nearly two hours wasn't what was off either. Hell, if anything the fact that they only spent a couple of hours there before leaving was weird! Her, Chris, and Josh could easily spend almost half a day in there flipping through comics and rolling dice to test them out, only leaving because a tired employee was forced to ask them to leave for making too much noise and taking up a table when they weren't playing anything, especially when there was a group that had been waiting for a table for close to an hour now.

Which brought Ashley to where she was right now, sitting at a sticky plastic table under the shade of a cheap umbrella while Chris had run off to get them some ice cream before dropping her off at home. Her new book was open in front of her, the pages crisp white even in the umbrella's shade, but her mind wasn't on the book anymore. A random line had a character mentioning that something had been feeling off all day ever since they woke up ('like everything had been moved three centimeters to the left, so while it all looked normal, nothing felt right anymore'), and Ashley had also realized that hey, wait a second, her day was also feeling just a little wonky too! But no matter how hard she thought about it, she couldn't put her finger on exactly what it was. Today had just been a normal day hanging out with Chris after all. They went to see (and bailed) a movie, spent hours hanging out in the mall and at the game store, and now they were each going back home. Nothing unusual had happened, so why did it feel like something hugely monumental had been going on all day?

"Oi. Earth to Ash, you okay in there?"

A light flick to the center of Ashley's forehead has her blink in surprise, and she finds herself back into the present once again. Chris is standing next to her, carefully balancing the two cones in his right hand and his left ready to flick again if needed, and a bemused smile on his face.

"Oh, uh, sorry Chris. Got a little too into the book I think." She closes the book, not wanting to get melting ice cream all over its crisp white pages (and she really hasn't absorbed a single word for nearly ten minutes now), but Chris doesn't hand her the cone just yet.

"Yeah, I'm not buying that," Chris says as he snorts in disbelief. "I know your 'praise be to books' look, and that was not it. That was your 'head full, too many thoughts' look."

"Excuse me? What? I do not have a reading look! Or a thinking look for that matter!"

"Oh you do. You really, really do. Trust me. You may have been staring at that book but there was no way that you were reading, I would bet my own ice cream here on it." Chris brandishes his double chocolate cone at her, then seems to reconsider and switches to show off her own dipped soft serve that he still has yet to actually let her eat. "Actually, you know what? I would eat your dipped monstrosity if I'm wrong."

Ashley sighs, but she can't keep the smile from her face. "It's not that bad this time, oh my god. It's chocolate ice cream dipped in blueberry syrup. This is actually a normal combination for people who go out of their way to order more exciting cones then two scoops of chocolate." She leans forward and places her elbows on the table to support her head in her hands. "But I wanna see you do it anyway, so tell me exactly why you're so convinced that I wasn't reading."

Chris opens his mouth, but immediately closes it a second later, as though he didn't realize exactly what he had signed himself up for here until now. Ashley of course takes it as a sign of victory. "I knew it. So let's see this Chris, I wanna see you eat something that isn't—"

"When you read you get, like, super attentive." Chris's face is pink, and not looking at her but at the book on the table as he bashfully continues. "You become so drawn in to whatever you're reading that you ignore everything going on around you, because all of your attention is now on that book. Pretty sure a bomb could go off right next to you and you wouldn't even notice sometimes. And it's always so easy to tell what's happening in the book when you're reading too, cause your face is always so expressive. Like your eyes get big when something exciting or surprising happens, and when you're really enjoying whatever it is you're reading, you start giggling like a loon."

Ashley is too stunned and, quite frankly, her heart is beating too fast for her to even think of a proper response to that . She manages to squeak out a quiet little "oh, um" but Chris doesn't notice. Not when he's still babbling and not looking at her at all.

"But when you get deep in thought, you're not like that at all. All of your attention goes inward, and everything around you disappears cause all the important stuff is going on inside your head right now. Your mouth falls open just a little, sort of like you're gaping at all the information in front of you. And-and sometimes you'll mouth out what's going on inside your head as you try to fit the pieces of everything together so it's neat and tidy like a puzzle. And even though you have the, like, blankest stare imaginable, it's not empty at all if that makes any sense. Cause your eyes narrow and your forehead scrunches just the tiniest amount so you have a small little wrinkle form like right here—" with his unoccupied hand Chris points at the bridge of his nose right between his eyes "—and it's weirdly, insanely cute? But when you finally figure out the puzzle in your head, your face lights up like a kid on christmas morning and...and..." He lets his words trail off and stops awkwardly there, as though finally realizing exactly what he's been saying this entire time.

His face is almost beet red now, and Ashley is pretty sure hers is too. "Oh, uh, wow. I-I didn't realize you paid any attention to me when I was like that..."

Somehow his face only gets redder, and though he mumbles the words under his breath, Ashley can still make them out. "I'm always paying attention to you."

But not close enough attention it seems, she thinks sadly. If you did then you would have noticed something way more obvious than that. But she doesn't want to embarrass him anymore than he already is (then she already is), and she isn't sure what else she could possibly say that wouldn't be her blurting out that she likes him, so instead she pretends that she hadn't heard a single thing and wordlessly accepts the ice cream that he hands to her, accepting her defeat as she takes a small bite of the blueberry covered chocolate soft serve.

...The blueberry covered chocolate soft serve that he had bought for her. Or, you know, the ice cream he had paid for himself. Just like he had paid for everything today. Kind of like it was almost a, uh, date. Like he had taken her on a date.

Oh .

"Oh boy, let me guess: I was right and your ice cream really is a crime against taste buds?"

Ashley comes crashing back down to reality to see Chris, his face still a little red but the playful smile back on his face as he teased her. And yet, that only makes it worse as she can't help but feel the usual gymnastics routine the butterflies in her stomach perform at that particular smile, only they're a thousand times worse now that's she's realized exactly why today had felt so strange. And she can't help thinking how much everyone else would classify what was just a day hanging out with her best friend as a date. And how much she really, really wished it was one.

"Nope," she unfortunately squeaks out, and clears her throat so she can continue in a more normal tone of voice. "Nope, sorry to disappoint Chris, but the ice cream tastes fine." She takes another bite for proof (and to her credit she's not lying, it tastes more than fine). "Just, uh, realized something funny that's all." And the moment the words leave her mouth she realizes just how badly she's screwed everything up, because there is no way in any world that Chris Hartley is just going to let that comment lie.

"Funny? Oho, well now I'm interested. You mind sharing your glorious epiphany with the rest of the class Miss Brown?"

Taking another small taste of her ice cream, Ashley averts her gaze as she gives what she is kicking herself for is obviously an extremely forced laugh. "Did I say funny? I meant boring, just super boring actually."

"Well now I just want to hear it more."

"No, you don't. Trust me, you really, really don't."

Chris's brows furrow in concern. "Ash? You okay?"

She isn't, of course she isn't. She's now realized exactly what a date with Chris would be like, and it would be exactly like this. With them going to all the same place and doing the same things but she's allowed to hold his hand and kiss him when he does stupid sweet things like buying her the book she's been eyeing and talking about all day. She's never wanted something to be so true so badly in her life. And it's likely this thought in her mind that causes her to blurt out "A date." before she even realizes what she's said.

That only makes the confusion on Chris's face go deeper, which is appropriate considering she's sinking deeper and deeper into her chair in a futile effort to hide or escape as well. "What? Are you saying that you just remember what date it is today? Or that you had something you were supposed to do today instead? I'm not really following you right now Ash..."

This is perfect. It's the perfect excuse, she could laugh and say that she totally forgot what day it was and that she had an essay due pretty soon, or that she was supposed to babysit for a neighbour tonight. Anything really, the sky was quite literally the limit. And instead she just bit her lip and stared at the ice cream melting in her hand before weakly admitting "No, a, uh, date. As in, the romantic kind. I realized that today probably looks like a date to anyone else. Funny, huh?"

She's not sure how Chris would react to that. Maybe a startled laugh, and hand wave as he brushes her off. A scoff as he assures her that this definitely isn't a date, cause they're just friends and that's all they'll ever be. Whatever the reaction she expected, it was certainly not the fumbling for his ice cream as he nearly drops it in his shock, and how absolutely flustered he sounds as he trips over his own tongue. "W-what? I-I-I, uh—I mean, th-this obviously isn't—Who would even—? Wh-what would even give you the idea that we could um, possibly be on a date?"

Ashley shrugs weakly. "Isn't it obvious Chris?" She ignores his even more flustered babbling that no, he absolutely did not see what was so obvious as she continued on, still too nervous to look him in the eyes. "You've kind of paid for everything today."

"I wha—? I mean, no I haven't!"

"You kind of have, Chris. The theater?"

"You know I always pay for the tickets, and it would have just been really rude to make the line even longer!"

"The art show?"

"It was just a couple of toonies! And you saw the face of the worker there, they would have kicked us right out if they'd had to break a twenty. It was just easier."

"Lunch?"

"They-they'd had a special on for a two-person meal at that stall in the food court, and they wouldn't let each of us pay half..." he neglected to point out that Ashley could have easily paid for their lunch, and probably should have, but before she had been able to offer he'd already been swiping his debit card.

"The arcade?"

"Okay, that was my turn to buy the tokens, you know that. That one doesn't even count."

Ashley lifted her eyes from the ice cream to the book that sat menacingly and innocently all at one at the center of the table, it's pristine cover mocking her. "The book?"

"T-that was just a gift! You seemed really into it at the store and friends buy each other gifts all the time—"

There was no describing how soft and nervous her voice got as she asked the question that would put the final nail in the coffin. "The ice cream?"

"I, uh, it was just—um..." Chris let out a breath in a weak chuckle. "Shit, I guess I kind of did, huh?"

Ashley doesn't say anything, and neither does Chris, as the table goes silent. She's bracing herself  for when Chris inevitably shoots her down and confirms that it doesn't matter. That the two of them will never be anything more then friends and that she never should have hoped for anything more and by revealing this she's ruined their friendship for good—

"Hey, uh, Ash?" He sounds so nervous that it immediately takes Ashley out of her anxiety driven thoughts of doom and gloom, but she can't do anything more than just shakily nod to let him continue. "It's, uh, probably like a really, really, really stupid question but—" he takes a nervous breath "—did you want this to be a date?"

Her head immediately shoots up as she stares at him with wide eyes, her breath caught somewhere in her throat where her heart is currently lodged. She frantically rakes her eyes over Chris's face looking for any hint that he's mocking her, or playing some cruel joke on her and her feelings, but all she sees is just nervousness all over a pale, shaking face with what she thinks ( prays ) is a glimmer of undisguised hope. But it's still too much uncertainty, and she's too scared to risk it all on a mere glimmer that she is likely only imagining because she wants it so badly to be real, so she throws the question back at him instead.

"...would you have been opposed if this was actually a date?"

"Nuh uh, I asked you first."

Ashley realizes that he's just as scared at what the answer might be as she is. She wants to tell him, has wanted to tell him for years and years and years. And maybe this is the chance she's been waiting for her whole life. The two of them sitting at a sticky plastic table under the early evening sun, long forgotten ice cream melting in their hands, and she can finally tell him that she's had such a huge crush on him since she was twelve.

"Yeah." The word is less choked out than it is released. Like it's a breath of fresh air and she feels simultaneously lighter and heavier for it. "I-I think I would have liked that. I would have liked that alot."

Chris snaps his gaze up to meet hers, and the glimmer of hope that she had seen earlier has now nearly taken over his face at the disbelieving smile that's threatening to crack his face in two. "Really? I-I mean, uh, I would have been alright with the idea too. More than alright actually."

She can feel her own smile start to nervously match his, and then the first giggle breaks out. His own ecstatic laughter quickly follows her own until the two of them are both giddily laughing at the table, but too embarrassed and bashful to even look at each other now. The giggling abruptly cuts off when Chris lets out a yelp of surprise when he realizes how much of his ice cream has melted onto his hand and Ashley joins him in trying to finish off their ice cream before it's melted entirely. But there's definitely a change in the atmosphere around them now. The contentness and laid back ease that always formed between them whenever they hung out was still there, but there is a charge that hadn't been there before either. An excited anticipation that only surges higher and higher whenever Ashley shyly glances in Chris's direction to find he's looking at her with the same disbelieving smile beaming on his face.

They never say anything more about it as they both finish off the ice cream, but Ashley knows. With that little agreement, the entire day had changed. This wasn't just them hanging out as friends anymore, this was an actual, factual date now, pure and simple. So when Chris hands her a couple of extra napkins to clean herself off, she may have let her fingers brush against his for just a moment. The resulting blush and dumbstruck smile on his face when he cautiously took his hand back so he could clean up the rest of the mess on the table was oh so worth it. And when he returned from his trip to the garbage can and held out his hand as an offer to help her up from the chair, she accepted it readily.

Once she's back on her feet, the two of them drop their eyes to stare at their still clasped hands, realizing that they could easily hold hands the entire short walk back to Chris's truck if they wanted. And she does want that—horribly in fact—but it seems it's still a little too early for either of them to make that teeny tiny but monumental jump to hand holding so they let go awkwardly and slowly, letting their fingers linger against the others before letting go completely. As though giving themselves a taste of what may yet actually come to pass in the (hopefully) very near future.

The short walk back to the truck is filled with both anticipation and dread alike, but unusually silent. Ashley knows it's because she's now a buzzing ball of nervous energy, terrified that saying anything at all will shatter this dream that's apparently coming true before her eyes, but Chris is different. He looks more like he's trying to work up the courage to say or ask something, and is spending all his energy on that alone. So when he reaches out to open up the passenger side door for her, Ashley can feel her heart pick up speed when he stops with his hand on the door handle and looks at her nervously. His mouth opens and shuts a couple of times as he tries to work up the courage to say whatever it is he wants to say, and all she can do is stare at him expectantly as she struggles to hold back an excited smile.

"Hey, Ash, ca—nevermind. It's, it's stupid. Don't worry about it." A second later, he has the door opened for her and the moment she can't see his face, she lets her smile fall crestfallen. But only for a second before a polite one replaces it as thanks when he closes the door for her and continues to his side of the truck. It's fine, she supposes as she buckles herself in, while the two of them have been hanging out all day, it's only been an actual date now for barely ten minutes. And once he drops her off home in just another few short minutes it's going to be over. The fact that she even managed to get this far is franky mind blowing, so expecting anything more from her dreams would just be extremely selfish. She can't have everything she wants all at once, no matter how long she's been waiting for it.

The drive back to her place is also quiet, filled with only the droning of the radio playing in the background. Ashley's returned back to her book, but she knows that Chris knows that she's not absorbing a single word, hasn't turned a single page even. She keeps glancing at him out of the corner of her eye as he nervously taps at the steering wheel, and then tightening his grasp when it looks like he's going to say something, only to return to the nervous tapping when he inevitably backs out at the last second and returns to the frantic pep talk he's likely giving himself. The air that fills the vehicle is heavy and thick with anticipation and it's taking almost everything in Ashley to not start shaking the question out of Chris at every red light they stop at.

But, eventually, they pull up in front of her place and Chris stops the truck. There's a moment where the two of them just sit there, not wanting to leave because leaving means the end, and Ashley schools her face into a cheery smile in an effort to hide as much of the disappointment as she can when she turns to face him and bid him farewell, only to have it fall to confusion when he starts fumbling at his own seatbelt.

"Chris? What are you doing?"

He struggles further at it, frustrated that the buckle's apparently decided that now is the perfect time for it to stick once again. "Trying to get this fucking thing off."

"Yeah, I figured that much. But why are you trying to take it off, you're just gonna leave right away again anyway."

He slows his fumbling as cheeks start darkening in embarrassment. "I, uh, I just thought that was something you were supposed to do after a date, walk them to their door to stay goodnight. I mean, at least I think this is a date now? And, and only if you're okay with it! I can stay in here instead if you don't want me to. I was just hoping..."

The once forced cheery smile on her face is certainly not being forced any longer, if anything she's trying not to show how much the idea of Chris walking her to her door thrills her. "N-no!" Well, so much for trying not to show how desperately she wants that. The startled look he gives her at the unexpected outburst had her trying to control her voice into something less desperate, but considering she doesn't think she's ever going tame the frantic butterflies that have been flapping around non-stop in her stomach ever since the ice cream realization, she's probably doing a terrible job of it. "I-I mean if you want to, it's completely up to you after all..."

"Cool. Cool cool cool. Just, just give me a second." He continues to struggle with his seatbelt buckle, letting out more and more agitated curses escape the longer the thing continues to stick, and Ashley is getting the feeling that if he was able, Chris would have ripped the entire thing straight out of the seat by now. Broken safety laws and ensuing repair costs be damned. The moment he finally manages to unstick the traitorous buckle it's with a cry of victory and relief so exuberant that Ashley finds herself laughing in disbelief and awe that he had wanted to walk her the short ten or so feet to her front door that badly. Thankfully, for both of them, her seatbelt unclicks easily and much more quickly in comparison, only taking another couple of seconds to grab her bag from the footwell and joining him.

The far too short walk up to her door is over before either of them realize it. One second the two of them had been standing awkwardly and nervously by the truck as she fought the urge to reach out and grab his hand, and the next they're standing just as awkwardly and nervously (if not moreso) in front of the front door. Both of them waiting for the other to say or do something to break the tension, but cleanly aware that doing so would signal the very final end of the day, and the date. In fact, just knowing that Chris doesn't want this to end just as badly as her, is what gives her the courage to look at him with a surprisingly heartfelt and soft smile.

"Today was fun."

Chris lifts his eyes from where they had been staring at the dried leaves on the doorstep to match her smile. "Yeah. It was."

"And thanks. For the movie, and everything else." Ashley raises her hand to give the new and still shiny paperback a small wave. "And, you know, the book too. Of course."

"Yeah, it was no problem. Anytime." There's something with how he says the last bit—not really emphasizing it but making it clear all the same that he means 'anytime'—that causes her face to flush giddily as she pulls her lower lip in between her teeth in a weak effort to fight back against the ecstatic smile that forms anyway. And when she sees his eyes lower just a smidge to follow the motion and the way his shoulders stiffen in reaction, Ashley very quickly also finds she's trying (much more successfully) to hold herself  back from just saying 'to hell with it' and throwing her arms around Chris so she can finally kiss him silly and until they're both breathless. But considering that she's too much of a coward to initiate something as innocent as hand holding apparently, there is absolutely no way that something as...as scandalous as kissing him on her doorstep is ever going to happen. Clearly.

And yet, she gives Chris another few seconds to try and work past that blockade in his throat, but when he still can't muster a single word, she decides to just put the both of them out of their misery. Or further into it. It's probably just the same thing really. "I guess I'll see you next time. I'll talk to you later, okay?" She turns away and puts her hand on the doorknob, and tucks the book under her arm so she can dig into her bag for keys, but is stopped when Chris's hand abruptly snakes out and wraps itself firmly around her wrist before she can reach into the bag. And it works—boy does it ever —turning back to him and the hand wrapped around her wrist as excitement just starts to bubble up inside of her.

A second later though, his brain has apparently caught up with the movement he clearly hadn't intended to make, because his face goes beet-red and he's dropped her hand so he can shove both into the pockets of his jeans. He averts his eyes so he's back to staring at the loose gravel and dried leaves under their feet.

"Oh, uh, sorry about that. I didn't mean to..."

"It's fine, Chris." Ashley tries to smile softly at him in reassurance, but it's considering she's gripping the doorknob in an almost vice-like grip in anticipation, it's likely far more eager than she would like. "What is it?"

Somehow, his face goes even redder and he blurts out the question so fast that it may as well have been one word. "CanIkissyou?!"

Immediately, Ashley's gaping at him wide-eyed and her mouth open in shock as her heart's beating so fast that she's pretty sure it's ready to burst out of her chest at any moment. "Wha—"

"I-I mean goodnight. Can I kiss you goodnight? That's what people are supposed to do on dates, right? A-a-a-and I think we agreed that this is a date now, or at least I really, really hope we did. Cause I've wanted to go on a date with you for the longest time and-and-and I didn't want Saundra or-or-or any of your neighbours to see cause I know that would just really embarrass you and me but I've been trying to ask you for the past thirty minutes now cause I've wanted to kiss you since forever but I was scared about how you would react cause I really, really, really like you Ash and I just wanna to kiss you so fucking bad right now you have no idea and—"

Ashley would like to believe that she's brave enough to throw her arms around Chris and drag him down into that searing kiss she's been dreaming about forever and ever, but she doesn't. Even with a confession that is everything she's ever wanted to hear and more. That's not to say that she doesn't want to do it—god does she want to do it—but she's so frozen in place from shock that she physically can't. So instead she just continues to gape at him as he (adorably) rambles on and on, and giggles out an elated little "okay".

His nervous rambling stops dead in its tracks, and he finally looks back up at her, nervous relief evident all over his face. "Really? I mean, are you sure? I'd understand if you didn't want to—"

" Chris ."

That immediately shifts the relief to a different kind of nervousness entirely, one of excited disbelief, but even then neither move to actually initiate this promised kiss for several seconds. Instead just staring at each other waiting for the other to be the first to move, Chris with his hands still in his jeans pockets and Ashley glued to the doorknob with her other hand frozen as it hovers over her bag. Finally, Chris is the first to slowly bend down to meet her awkwardly half turned body, and she unsteadily tries to rock herself onto the tips of her toes without losing her balance completely and falling over. And still, they both pause about an inch away from each other's faces, though whether to give the other an out if needed or just to work through the logistics of how to do this exactly without their foreheads or noses smashing into each other or Chris's glasses getting in the way is anyone's guess.

But finally, mainly due to the fact that Ashley can't lean forward anymore without falling completely on her face, Chris closes that final bit of distance and kisses her. It's a nervous brush of the lips really—a quick peck at best —but they jolt back from each other so quickly that the single action may as well have activated some hidden magnetic repel function that neither had been aware of until this moment. Both of them are staring at each other wide-eyed and breathless as the magnitude of what they had both finally managed to accomplish hit them. The kinda-sort confession and the almost hand holding meant absolutely nothing in comparison to this. Those she could have (and would most likely have) brushed off as her reading too much into innocent statements and gestures when she thought over everything that had happened today in the safety of her room later tonight. But this? This was physical proof .

Looking back, Ashley's not sure which of them moved first. One second they had been staring at each other in disbelief, stuck in the same awkward bent and leaning stature from before, and the next it's as if the magnetic attraction between them reverses its flow entirely. Chris is cupping her cheek with one hand as he kisses her in the way she always dreamed he would, his other hand slowly skating across the back of her neck so he can pull her up closer to him. The book that had once been clutched protectively under her arm was completely forgotten about—fallen to the ground with a sharp crunch as it crushed the dried leaves beneath their feet—as her arms wrapped possessively around his shoulders as she props herself as high as the tips her toes will allow her. She can still taste a hint of the chocolate from earlier on his lips, and the small part of her that isn't being blown away by all of this is wondering if he can taste the blueberry and chocolate on hers as well.

She's not sure how long the two of them stood there on her doorstep, kissing for all the world to see, but she does know that they still separate much, much too soon for her liking. Not that they fully separate of course. She may be back on the soles of her feet, but neither of them have removed themselves from the embrace itself. And with the way that Chris is lightly brushing his thumb over her cheekbone as he just stares at her with the same stupidly giddy grin she's got, Ashley would be perfectly fine if they could just stay standing like this forever.

"So..." she starts, and stops to take a moment to giggle when Chris bumps his nose into hers. "I think that was a perfectly acceptable first date if you ask me."

Chris doesn't let go of her when he leans back to consider her, the comically raised eyebrows in shock doing nothing to take away from the absolutely thrilled beam of his smile. " First date? Why Miss Brown, are you perhaps asking me out for a second one already?"

"I mean, if it's not too presumptuous of me, I suppose I am. I-if you're not opposed to it of course." She can't help the way her nervousness starts to bleed through with that last sentence, already panicking that she's somehow completely misread everything that's just happened and that maybe that kiss didn't mean as much to him as it did to her after all.

His next words completely derail those fears entirely. "Of course I'm not, I would love nothing more than to go on a second date with you. Followed by a third and fourth and even a fifth if you have the time for it."

"I mean, I'm a pretty busy girl but I think I can open up as many days in my schedule as it takes if I need to."

Before she knows it, the two of them are leaning in for another kiss when the sound of pot being dropped in the nearby kitchen through the open window jarringly brings them back to reality and the two of them let go of each other red faced and embarrassed. Oh no, how much of this had her mother heard? Or worse, saw? She wants to leave the doorstep (which is rapidly becoming her favourite place in the whole entire world) even less now, but the longer she takes the worse the excited interrogation from Saundra will be so she starts digging back into her bag to try and find her keys once again.

"I'll text you later, okay? And, maybe, we can talk some more about that second date...?"

The reply from Chris is flustered but eager. "Yeah, totally. I-I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Cool. And um, the next one's one me. The date that is. It's only fair after all."

"Yeah, right. Only fair. Totally. And, uh, your book..."

She finally finds her keys from where they had sunk to the bottom of her bag, and looks up at him and the paperback book that had fallen during their, uh, intimate embrace. "Oh! Uh, right. Thanks." She could easily leave it at that, but the last few minutes have made her bold so when she reaches out to take the book back from him, Ashley curls her fingers over his and bounces onto the balls of her feet so she can give him one last kiss on his cheek—almost the corner of his mouth really—before finally stepping back with the book and keys in her hand. "I mean it. Thanks . For everything."

"Yeah. No problem. It was my pleasure."

She lets herself have one last glimpse of the stupefied grin on his face just as he turns to walk just a little unsteadily down the path back to his truck. The only sounds being the leaves crushing underfoot and the jangle of metal as she sticks her keys into the door to finally unlock it. A sound that it quickly interrupted by not only the click of the door unlocking, but a muffled shout.

Alarmed, she turns quickly expecting to see Chris having accidentally shut his coat into the door as he is sometimes known to do when the weather gets colder, but instead watches in elated shock as he continues to keep energetically flapping his arms and fist pumping into the air and screaming what she can vaguely make out as 'yesyesyesyesYESYESYES' over and over again.

Suddenly it hits her. Despite the shy confession over ice cream, and then the much more rushed and rambled one only minutes ago, and followed by the kiss(es) that are still sending her heart into rapid fire, Ashley still hadn't believed what all the evidence had been saying. Chris liked her. He really, really liked her. Possibly as much as she liked him even! This wasn't just a one-off event that would now make things awkward between them for the rest of their lives. This was happening. They'd just had a first(!!!!) date and after Chris had kissed her goodbye, she had asked him out for a second one.

And he had accepted .

Ashley fumbled with the door and the moment she was in the house, slammed the door behind her, not even bothering to lock it. She let her bag fall from her shoulder to the floor with a soft thump and slowly slid down the door until she was sitting against it with her eyes wide and breathless. She ignored the surprised clatter coming from the kitchen as Saundra immediately dropped whatever it was she had been doing in and held up the book so she could stare at the once innocuous cover in amazement.

He had bought her this book and the ice cream because he liked her and he had gladly and excitedly accepted to go out on another date with her. And even more if he had been serious about that third date and beyond line.

And not that either would ever know it, Ashley mirrored Chris at that exact moment by placing her head into her hands and screaming as the built up joy and bliss finally exploded out of her.

[ae0nx]

SUPERPOST: DIGIMON ADVENTURE: LAST EVOLUTION (KIZUNA) RECAP/REVIEW SPOILERSSSSSS

SPOILER ALERT I WILL BE GOING INTO DETAIL. SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER.

I’m not gonna do a blacktober/drawtober today, but I willlll rant about Digimon, because nothing ever really changes. Ok, I’m tipsy and I feel like everyone and their mum has watched Kizuna now so I wanna finally express my feelfeels on it. Let’s goooo

-------------------------------------------------------

Ok, so I love how this movie opens especially as an old school fan.

It’s perfect. I love the solid feeling of ‘finality’ to the series that we never got to see in Tri... (I’ll try not talk shit about Tri in this recap but it’s gonna be difficult, I’m sorry)

- We got that call back to the original soundtrack! The only time in life I will tear up at hearing Bolero.

- I adoreee the animation and designs in this movie. It feels so much more diverse (in terms of facial features) than Tri did without even trying really. The facial expressions are so much characteristic and there’s less awkward spacey moments. It’s nice! (Ooops, mentioned Tri: Count 2 haha)

- While I was a bit disappointed with the digidestined outfits when they were first released as still images, they do look a lot better in action and they fit in well with the world that is built. But Taichi swapping sneakers for sandals? Seems false lol

Taichi’s anxiety about the destruction. Nice to see continuation and character development. We love him~~~

- The Parrotmon vs Greymon + Angemon + Angewomon fight looked dope and was a nice call back/development. The electricity and fire looked amazing and honestly had me hyped. A lot of fight scenes in this movie did.

Haha, of course Yamato had to come in looking unnecessarily cool on his fancy new bike only to talk shit about Taichi. We love him too, goddammit lol

- It totally makes sense that the two pairs of siblings and Koushirou would be the most actively involved out of all of the digidestined tbh

The movie opening theme being set to the original ‘Butterfly’ was great, and in a weird way reminded me a little of the Cowboy Bebop Movie opening theme - except very much in the style and world of Digimon Adventure

- The digidestined are public superheroes now? Makes sense, I don’t hate it~~~

- I love the montage of Taichi and Yamato going about their lives as people in their early 20s. Taichi mostly dealing with the pressures of adulthood. Yamato feeling nostalgic about the things he left behind in childhood (playing harmonica, being in a band)

Ahhh, they can drink now! So weird, yet so fun haha

- It’s also really nice for my shipper heart to see Taichi and Yamato sit down and have a meal together without totally biting each other’s heads off. Shows how much they’ve matured!

- Yolei straight up was like ‘I don’t have time for this shit, Koushirou you deal with it’ 😂Mimi has taught you well, young padawan

I was really hoping these two would be a better addition than Maki and Daigo (RIP) and they were! It’s almost like the writers saw Tri and was like... let’s do better. (Ooops mentioned Tri: Count 3)

- I reallyyyyy really sadistically like the concept of the Digimon and Digidestined’s connection to each other dying slowly the older they get and with the less necessary the Digimon become in the human partner’s life. Yeahhhhh, it doesn’t match up with the 02 ending but I’m personally not too attached to that ending so I don’t mind. A) it’s actually a plot point that makes me give a shit and B) it’s very much a reflection of life which Digimon Adventure has always been and C) it makes sense of the reason as to why Digimon gravitate to children

DAISUKE! We stan a kinggg, with his dope sunglasses. I’m so happy the 02 kids are involved in this, even if it is kinda minimal.

- I love that they included the fact that the digital gates are basically like a free airplane ticket to anywhere in the world with a computer. It’s such a useful and cool concept

- ‘Burger Queen’ ahaha

AHHHHHHHHH HAHAAHHAHA I can’t. It feel so wrong yet so... correct? Hahaha

I’m sorry, my love for Gennai died with Tri. If it was old Gennai from Adventure maybe I would’ve felt a bit more nostalgic and loving. (Oops mentioned Tri: Count 4)

- I love the 02 kids basically being a smaller detective team that Chief Detective Yamato sent forth to do some investigating. It makes so much sense and we shoulda got this in triiiiii (I just wish we got this movie instead of Tri, I’m sorry Oops mentioned Tri: Count 5)

Spy movie? I don’t hate it~~~~

OK, DETECTIVE ISHIDA! (enter theme music which is most likely very dark and edgy and gothic with a hint of pop punk)

- Sora staying at home when Mimi is in the hospital seems... off... very off... but ok... ... ... I hate how they sidelined Sora in this movie. Why does every Digimon writer since Adventure hate Sora?!?!

- The act of Taichi literally shunning his future by switching off his phone to once again reach for his old goggles and old digivice is... poetic cinema

Saw the switch coming but whoa 😳

- You know the whole concept of her creating an eternal Digital world was a cool concept until she called it Neverland

- While I really like Menoa and her being the villain, this isn’t exactly a new motivation. How many times have we seen human partners turn into villains after losing their Digimon, man?!?! Just more motivation into making me think this film is just fixing the mistakes of Tri (Oops mentioned Tri: Count 6)

I really like this design! It might make my top 3 Digimon designs.

- You know... only in the Digimon fandom would a goddamn whistle make us all emotional 😭😂

This movie is so pretty!!!!

- Wait... did Biyomon vanish and that’s why Sora wasn’t involved? 😢

Wow. WOW. That goodbye... between Taichi and Agumon... and Yamato and Gabumon... was... ALL I WANTED/DIDN’T WANT. Seriously. As I said before, I really like the fact that this movie feels... final. Honestly, I don’t want grown up adventures with the Digimon - regardless of how mean that sounds. What’s unique about Digimon is how childlike it is and the separation between the Digimon’s childlike nature and the Digidestined was growing the older the humans got and it wouldn’t make full sense for the relationship between the two to go from friends and almost equals to parent and child. 

I guess I would’ve been more accepting of the Digimon staying a constant in the Digidestined lives if the writers touched on the theme of the Digimon being adult or baby whenever they like (or whenever they eat) and relating it to humans still looking after their inner child of curiosity and creativity as they get older. But that’s a pretty difficult concept, I’m still working my head around that haha

Also, Digimon has always specifically been a metaphor/real example for the joys and hardships of childhood. While it’s super sad, I’m glad we got such a nice send off!

[ks-caster]

The 100 Season 7 Episode 4 - Post-Liveblog Recap

Okay, so I liveblogged an episode for the first time - and it turned out to be a nice way to stay focused through the commercial breaks. Might continue to do that for the rest of the season.

But TBH I started doing it just so I could bitch about the CLEAR AND BLATANT LACK OF A SCENE WHERE SANCTUM!KRU REALIZE THAT BELLAMY AND ANOMOLY!KRU ARE MISSING. That was an important scene that the whole fandom, more or less, has been waiting for the entire time for various reasons. 

How do the characters react? Who figures out that something’s wrong first? Does Clarke sense Bellamy’s absence because they have a bond? Does Emori go looking for her space sister to comfort her other space sister only to find her missing? 

(Actually, she does. That’s my headcanon and I’m sticking to it. Might fic later. Accounts for Emori’s complete absence while her bestie Raven is falling apart.)

Edit: here's the fic!

Anyway, back to the episode - whoever was in charge of editing really really dropped the ball. Missing realization scene, poorly ordered Raven and Clarke scenes. The music during the Dev-and-Hope montage was a nice touch but just too loud enough that I really had trouble telling what they were saying - and the pacing would have felt better with just one show of teenage!Hope before we got 20-year-old her. The cut from Orlando agreeing to train Anomaly!Kru to 5 years later was WAY too abrupt for me to get a feel for the character and relationship development that they were trying to shoehorn in in order to create conflict at the end. I got where they were going with everything, but in a I’m-reading-a-newbie-writer’s-fanfic-because-I-love-the-story-concept-and-want-to-support-them kind of way and not in a I’m-watching-a-show-made-by-experienced-professionals-and-paying-for-the-privilege-in-ad-revenue kind of way. Disappointing.

Jumping around here for a bit: I gotta say I’m loving the makeovers this season! Hair and makeup did a great job on bringing back the old Raven without losing the maturity they gave her, giving Murphy and Emori their Gucci Royalty Vibes without losing the feel of their individual styles, and making Hope look like she can’t find quite the balance between feral forest girl and innocent shut-in who can’t bear to take a life (which is accurate to her character, of course). 

And Echo! So I really, really didn’t like her makeovers in seasons 5 and especially 6, because it felt like they were trying too hard to make her look pretty in a 21st Century kind of way. She looked softer, more vulnerable, which really contradicted her character traits - but I thought that might’ve been on purpose, to show a change in her (that she did indeed allow herself to become softer and more vulnerable for her family). And her post-time-skip (not that one. Or that one. The other one. There’s a lot of those. Bah.) look feels like a return to herself; she’s beautiful but in a no-nonsense, don’t-forget-I-can-cut-your-throat kind of way. (Is this because I just really love the butch look on woman and am myself a butch woman? Maybe. But that doesn’t mean I’m wrong.)

Side note: Where the hell did they get clippers on Penance? Those haircuts were entirely too even to have been done with scissors. I’ll buy that Gabriel and Orlando shaved their heads and their perfect round cuts were growout, but Hope and Echo? Electric clippers. Like I said I like the looks, but guys, there’s no way.

I liked that I got a better feel for Hope’s character this episode - she’s trying so hard to be like her mom and Aunty O and all the heroes they told her about when she was a child, but the truth is she’s been in one real battle, she froze, and her best and only friend died. And since her only role models were these incredibly strong people who didn’t give up, back down, hesitate, that wouldn’t be an easy thing for her to get over. (Given that Diyoza was pregnant with her for two entire seasons, I’d really like to have more time developing Hope’s character - or even the same amount of screen time but go easier on the timeskips, lol. She keeps having growth/maturity/life experience spurts so it’s hard to keep up with the development that we’re shown.

So, 5 (7? Wasn’t she 22? There’s still 2 years we missed right?) years after watching her friend die, and 5 (7?) years of blaming herself for freezing, she’s put into the same position, and she stabs some lady in the neck. Kid didn’t steal her coping mechanisms! All joking aside thought, the kid basically relived her trauma in real life - honestly her reaction was 100% valid.

I’m sure I’m supposed to be upset by Echo’s choice to kill the remaining gold-head people. But I think the only reason that’s supposed to bother me is that she promised (ish - she was real explicitly clear that she’d do what was necessary to rescue Bellamy and them were the breaks) Orlando that she wouldn’t. I think I’m supposed to care about the fractured relationship between AnomalyKru and Orlando.

I don’t. I don’t know if it’s the super-fast timeskip (it was weird enough to see the changed dynamics in SpaceKru when I deeply knew all of the characters AND we got time to see the changes play out) or the fact that I didn’t really get to know Orlando in a way that made me super sympathetic to him (I’ll get to that in a minute) or if it’s just that he was smart enough to know he was being played from the start (see Navy SEAL mom didn’t teach you how to swim and Echo again being 100% clear that killing people might still happen) and walked right in anyway. Either way, his betrayal wasn’t enough of a motivator for me as an audience member to be bothered about how things ended between him and AnomalyKru. I kind of shrugged and moved on.

More on Orlando... So The 100 has had several plotlines that center around people doing dangerous, terrible and downright ridiculous things because of their religions; see the kidnapping and conclave of freaking children killing each other to become commander, Gaia’s whole character arc + starting a new religion around Octavia/WonKru betraying that religion to go back to their old one centering on Madi, WHO IS GODDAMN TWELVE, all of Sanctum and season 6, the Sanctum conflict here in season 7, and now this goddamn Bardo Disciple shite.

Now I’m not dishing on real life religion or religious people - I happen to have one of those myself - but the plot of some-people-take-their-religion-way-too-far-drink-the-koolaid-and-hurt-people-around-them has been done and done and done on this show. And now here we have Orlando, who was a high-ranking member of his religion, drank the koolaid, cast out, still a true believer and therefore dangerous because his perspective is fundamentally skewed. I don’t know anything about this religion but that it’s militarized (they can arrest people) and think that sentencing people to 10 years of madness-inducing Geneva Convention violations and then bringing them back to their families two days later is okay. I don’t really want to know anything else, because I’m worried that the show is going to work hard on making this religion scarier than the Sanctum one (needing to one-up themselves with the big bad, of course) which just keeps making the commander religion look humane in comparison. 

Which it wasn’t. But I digress.

So Orlando was kinda’ cool, but getting in too deep with a fundamentalist who was complicit in his own abuse by said religion (and so who knows what he thought was okay to do to other people) and then it ended badly.

Cue shocked Pikachu.

Moving on. Clarke. Baby. After the harrowing experience of the radiation destroying the radio so you couldn’t say goodbye to your mom when you were supposed to go to space, then missing your time window and getting left behind on Earth, and the radio broke them too so you couldn’t even be sure your friends would leave in time until they blasted off, and then calling Bellamy every day when you knew he couldn’t hear you, and ALL OF THE FREAKING LAST SEASON WHERE YOU WERE POSSESSED AND WOULD HAVE GIVEN ANYTHING TO LET YOUR FRIENDS AND DAUGHTER KNOW BOTH THAT THAT WASN’T YOU AND THEN LATER THAT YOU WERE ALIVE and THEN your MOTHER getting possessed and you had to check to see if it was really her and it WASN’T. Clarke. 

After all that terrifying inability to communicate.

You leave Gaia behind to warn everyone of the danger. INSTEAD OF CALLING THEM ON A PIECE OF HANDY TECHNOLOGY OR TAKING A QUICK TRIP BACK YOURSELF. TO TELL YOUR DAUGHTER WHERE YOU WERE GOING. YOU DON’T THINK THAT MAYBE MAKING EXTRA SURE THAT EVERYTHING GETS COMMUNICATED CLEARLY AND IMMEDIATELY MIGHT BE A PRIORITY.

And then Gaia gets kidnapped. Honestly, cool! Not ‘cause I’m rooting for Gaia to be hurt (I don’t care all that much about her tbh) but I LOVE Indra and I want her to have more screen time and development this season - and or the chance to cut people up with her sword - and kidnapping her daughter seems like a great way to facilitate that.

*Looks at list* Oh, right, Jordan. I forgot you were here. Honestly I can’t figure out what the fuck is going on with you, and since I’ve had a whole season of not connecting with you because the story was too busy focusing on external plot... I don’t see that changing any time soon buddy. Sorry.

Oh and that FrEaKiNg PrOmO! 

My garbage boy! My chaos gremlin! My excellent-at-impersonating-a-deity-even-if-it-goes-against-his-programming! What are they doing?! 

I’m torn between NO DON’T HURT HIM and YES HURT HIM BECAUSE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AND BRAVERY BWAHAHAHA. At least I know there’ll be Murphy and hopefully Memori content in the next episode. That’s the good shit. It’s the only thing left about this show that still feels “pure,” not that I didn’t know what sort of darkness I was signing up for when I started but just because he and Emori are sort of the last light in the darkness, and it’s nice to get a break periodically.

[comicteaparty]

March 9th-March 15th, 2020 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from March 9th, 2020 to March 15th, 2020.  The chat focused on HoverGirls by Geneva Bowers.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

Comic Tea Party

BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on HoverGirls by Geneva Bowers~! (https://hovergirls.com/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace until March 15th, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Discussions are freeform, but we do offer discussion prompts in the pins for those who’d like to have them. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic! Whether you finish the comic or can only read a few pages, everyone is welcome to join and chat with us!

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 1

1. What did you like about the beginning of the comic?

2. What has been your favorite moment in the comic (so far)?

3. Who is your favorite character?

4. Which characters do like seeing interact the most?

5. What is something you like about the art? If you have a favorite illustration, please share it!

6. What is a theme you like that the comic explores?

7. What do you like about the comic’s story or overall related content?

8. Overall, what do you think the comic’s strengths are?

Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

It's so eye catching!

The bold color scheme immediately creates a strong identity for the comic

The contrast between the two MCs is

I'll comment more when I've read past literally just the first page lol

eli [a winged tale]

Wow I love the art! Very beautiful palette and interesting characters right off the bat (pun intended!). Great dynamics between our two mains and love the magic so far!

mcapriglione (Falconhyrste)

yall I heard you were talking about hover girls and I came running

I just caught up like yesterday because I'm sick so I've spent the whole day reading comics, also I picked up a physical copy from geneva at c2e2 and that's what got me started on the series!

What stands out to me so much is the characters, jalissa and kim are total opposites, and it's really interesting to see them interact with each other. also the little things in the background that tell more about the characters, like jalissa's love for soap operas and kim's references ahaha

RebelVampire

So time for me to jump into the chat. What I like about the beginning is that it starts you off with this sort of beautiful artwork and magical feel, only to drop the mundane on you with the coffee shop and the obsession with ranking on social media. Something about how this starts really gives me this sort of more modern day magical girl feel that usually isn't quite there. Like it's a bit gritty feeling cause life is gritty, and I like that. As for favorite moment in the comic so far, I'm partial to when the girls discovered their powers. I like how it just sort of happened, and the different reactions they had to it. It was both magical and funny. Also for the reasons below. My favorite character is Jalissa, no content. Jalissa is basically my spirit animal. Doesn't want fame, just wants to catch up on the soaps, but somehow winds up with more energetic people. All of Jalissa's reactions to everything are great and I love it. For characters interacting, really it has to go to Jalissa and Kim. They're such polar opposites I think you'd have to try to NOT enjoy it. But either way, that opposites thing really just makes their interactions endearing and interesting since going in you know they'll disagree and yet somehow wind up doing the same thing together anyway. So I really enjoy that about their relationship.

As for the art, I really just love the color design combined with the style. It has a very whimsical feel that works for the abundant blue schemes and I really just adore every bit of the atmosphere it creates. For themes, I like that the comic explores ego. Like that moment where Kim asked if she was getting too full of herself really hit home. And I like that the comic kind of explores that even if you know that you might get egotistical and all high and mighty, its not the easiest thing in the world to stop either. For the story's overall content, I'm just gonna point to what I liked about the beginning. I like that its a bit more mature, modernized magical girl story where the magical girls are adults. That's probably just bias in that I'm an adult so I relate more to adults.

Comic Tea Party

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 2

9. What do you think Jalissa’s backstory and relationship with her family is? How do you think Jalissa will continue to change as the story progresses, and what will Kim’s role be in it? Further, how will Kim change?

10. Why do you think Kim was suddenly possessed, and how dangerous are they? Can Kim be saved from it? Additionally, why was the person who possessed Kim surprised Jalissa also had powers?

11. Do you think Jalissa and Kim will succeed as magical girls and become popular? Why or why not? Additionally, how might this change the future plans each has decided upon for their career?

12. What do you think this comic teaches us about pursuing our dreams and responsibility? What has been your favorite moment in the comic so far that deals with these themes? Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

gee

Hello CTP! This is the creator of HoverGirls c: I want to thank you all for taking the time to read and discuss this comic! I bet you're all pros at what makes a good story, so it's really humbling to know that it's liked so far. I'll be happy to answer any q's about story, chars, etc. And it was super nice to finally meet you @mcapriglione (Falconhyrste) and hope you feel better!

mcapriglione (Falconhyrste)

Aaaaa hey welcome to the chat @gee !

Tantz Aerine (Without Moonlight)

Ok I just finished reading the entire comic start to finish. I have to say I'm not only impressed by the wonderful art and refreshing color scheme that makes me think of wild summer, but amazed that I find myself invested in this story! Usually it's not my cup of tea at all, but Hover Girls are going to clearly be the exception. I'm adding this to my comic bookmarks The first thing I have to give my kudos for is the sheer character design and characterization. I had sincere, and in Kim's case, almost visceral reactions to both girls, and the Korean guy (his name sounds Korean). While Jalissa intrigued me from the start, Kim got under my skin to the point I found her insufferable! It is only in the last few pages with her backstory flashback that I somewhat feel sympathy for her. I love the interaction between these two, and also how the story is paced so that we get to gradually become aware of more layers and nuance in the relationship they have. Jalissa's love and concern for Kim was clear to me from the start, while Kim's not so much. She (Kim) came across to me as immature, self-centered and inconsiderate. Later, when we see more of their history, I got to see the concern and love from Kim's side too. That's excellent writing to go with the excellent art. I also really like the premise with the alien creatures! I am intrigued and want to know more. Finally, I want to talk about the humour in the dialogue and the art in general. I love how there's a streak of black humour throughout the comic. My favourite character is (in case you didn't infer it yet) Jalissa, but I like the entire cast. They need each other to organically bounce off each other and develop. And lastly, I have to mention the really fun brand names and soap titles. Always makes me grin. Wonderful work @gee !(edited)

RebelVampire

I get the impression that Jalissa was a typical delinquent and that her parents werent around much - hence the delinquency. And so I imagine it's a bit strained at the best of it. I think Jalissa moving is her attempt to turn things around, and I think that is what will happen. Jalissa will become more responsible, take more of a sense of duty, etc. Which is what I think will happen with Kim, along with a healthy dose of gaining some humility. As for why Kim was suddenly possessed, maybe the weather? Regardless, 100% I'm sure Kim can be saved. Only bad villains monologue so Kim got taken over by a bad villain. As for why Jalissa's powers are a surprise, probably a lack of communication due to alien bureaucracy. Jalissa and Kim will definitely succeed as magical girls if you tone down expectations to be heroes who fight crime as opposed to what we see in every anime where they fight and just are completely fine and sparkly. As for becoming popular, maybe for a bit, but honestly, probably not. The internet is fickle so sure they might get a viral video....but then everyone will move on. I think it will mostly only change Jalissa's plans as she's finds there are more important things in the world than soaps. As for what the comic teaches about pursuing our dreams is that it's hard. My favorite moment is actually Kim checking if anyone liked the pic and it was just Jalissa. The world is saturated with talent, and even if you have the drive, the skills, etc., getting noticed is kind of a slog. But I think Kim shows us at least might as well keep trying.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I had the opposite reaction as @Tantz Aerine (Without Moonlight) ! Jalissa irritated me at first, while I liked Kim. But then, when I saw Jalissa's genuine kindness, I liked her more, and when Kim started showing her flaws- how she's kind of self-centered and naive, I started to like her less. That's not to say I think this comic has bad writing, though! I like how the author has given everyone such realistic flaws. I went through a lot of cycles of liking and disliking the characters, and I think that reflects how it feels as you get to know some people irl. These characters are complex!

Seeing stoic Jalissa get truly angry at Kim was powerful.

I like the detail of Jalissa keeping her bat in her backpack's water bottle holder

"Only bad villains monologue so Kim got taken over by a bad villain. "

Rebel, that made me laugh

I think it's true too(edited)

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

+ü´´´´´´b n#ä+ß

Tantz Aerine (Without Moonlight)

@Eightfish (Puppeteer) it's exactly that we get different and real reactions to these characters that is the proof of excellent writing. We react differently, but we react as if they were real people and that's an absolute win!

mathtans

Woo, my schedule's eased a bit and this looked interesting. For the discussion prompts...

1. The beginning set things up well in terms of a quickie fight and then the characters and city situation. There was humour in that too. Good tone.

2. Fave moment, as far as plot was probably Jalissa interacting with blonde boy (sorry, forget the name) in particular because it seemed to be foreshadowing. Fave moment for relatability was the phone message with "Get to the point" because I SO relate to that.

3. Tough call on character. Both mains have good qualities and I don't feel I know the others well enough yet. I suppose Jalissa for her straightforward nature and sticking to her guns (like about dresses).

4. I liked Jalissa and Blonde Boy interacting, funny enough, as I said earlier. The cousin banter is good but the former stood out somehow.

5. The art's a neat blend of emphasis in some places and less in others; also interesting how the hair is done. Not sure why that sticks out.

6. I'm very bad at noticing themes. It's neat showing what "magical girls" do in their off hours. Also the troubles with getting noticed.

7. Story's clever, and I felt suspicious of Blonde Boy from him being around during the powers acquisition, which seems to be paying off. Nice to see ladies of colour too.

mathtans

8. Comic's got a bit of everything. Magic, mystery, slice-of-life... a reader can probably gravitate to something.

Comic Tea Party

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 3

13. What are you most looking forward to seeing in regards to the comic?

14. Any final words of encouragement for the comic? Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

mathtans

9. Jalissa seems to be someone who grew up in a difficult situation and needs to blow off steam sometimes. I'm reminded of the time she punched the wall - but then within a day went to get the materials needed to fix it. I feel like she had an unhappy home life with no real outlet or people to talk to about it. Maybe the fighting evil will help, or at least give her a sense of accomplishment. Kim needs to be a bit more grounded in reality, and I suspect will, although at the same time you kind of hate to see it happen, like the death of innocence or something.

10. I wondered if possession was always part of the plan against Kim (once it happened), and that's why the water beings were around, like they're trying to get access to the powers... though it's seeming like it was always something inside her, she was simply able to suppress the feeling for a time. Until she was at a low point emotionally.

Actually, I always thought BlondeBoy had something to do with the attacks, and in the scene between him and Jalissa (the earlier one in the alley) you saw hint of blue in the art, and one wonders whether he was acting normally. I wasn't sure if it was a subconscious thing or a conscious thing. Now I wonder if Kim wasn't manifesting the items herself on some subconscious level, wanting something to defeat. Though maybe he still had a hand in it too.

Of course, maybe the weather has something to do with it too, as Rebel remarked on.

mathtans

11. I feel like their power as magical girls is possibly tied to the presence (or at least strength) of the enemy, otherwise why wouldn't it make the news more? (Granted, could be obliviousness by the populace, but this seems to be reinforced by the current plot elements.) As such, their magical days seem numbered... unless they could fight against regular mundane foes? I dunno. The world doesn't seem to care much about supernatural either.

mathtans

Maybe they should change their name? Hovering doesn't sound too aggressive, and I don't think they do it that much anyway. Granted, DampGirls isn't catchy, and H2OGirls is a bit clinical. ^.^

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

I love this comic! The two main characters play incredibly off each other, and there's lots of great comedic moments. My fav is Jalissa.

I wonder if it is the weather that's causing these possessions? Because, like, the flying fish attacks in general are tied to the rain. Maybe particularly rough rainstorms cause possessions? I feel like the thing that possessed Kim and the boy was what brought about the powers in the first place - the energy that came down from the sky on the beach. It's odd how the blonde dude didn't seem to use powers but got possessed first, while Kim uses her powers the most and got possessed second... maybe Jalissa has an easier time resisting because she has the strongest will?

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

@snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights) I don't think Jalissa can get possessed- Bob said that his soul was split in two, and Jalissa got the powers while Korean guy got the mind

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

ah yes, that's true

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

@mathtans I like "Hovergirls"! It's cute and catchy

gee

The title I still don't 100% like, TBH. I legitimately thought on it for a week before starting on this comic and still couldn't think of anything better XD

RebelVampire

What I'm most looking forward to in the comic is probably just more Jalissa in general and finding out why Jalissa is the way Jalissa is. Overall though, this is a beautiful comic with a great combination between modernization and magical girls with just the right hint of maturity that makes it more appealing for an adult. Definitely would recommend to adult fans of magical girl stories!

mathtans

To be clear, I had no issue with the title of the comic... with some comics there's only an offhand reference too. I guess I was more picturing the ladies arguing, were Jalissa to get more into it.

As to the rest of the questions, I think the comic can show that reality is somewhere between the two of them (though they do play off each other very well) as far as dreams and responsibility go. I'm vaguely curious to know whether the alien might be having a positive (or negative?) influence on BlondeBoy, who seemed a bit of a jerk from the lens of the others.

The world building is well done too, like I could even see spinoffs... these aliens apparently just sent a couple emissaries to Earth, maybe there's some sort of space force out there fighting too. Maybe they see Kim's videos and want to recruit her. Or hire her for public relations. idk.

Anyway, looks great, definitely an interesting read and nice showcasing of things you don't see other places, best with it!

gee

Huge thank you all CTP group for giving HoverGirls a read! I cannot thank you enough for giving your time and thoughts on this story and it’s been incredibly helpful and encouraging!!

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

It was a great read, gee!

Comic Tea Party

BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about HoverGirls this week! Please also give a special thank you to Geneva Bowers for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked HoverGirls, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: https://hovergirls.com/

Geneva’s Store: https://gdbee.store/

Geneva’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/gdbeeart

[uniformbravo]

a bunch of winter 2020 anime first impressions from Me

Koisuru Asteroid / Asteroid In Love

ok ive already professed my love for this one so i wont get too much into it but basically it’s Extremely cute & im way invested in the two (HOPEFULLY romantic) leads bc their relationship is so sweet so far aaaaaaa

like do u SEE this shit im actually tearing up hgnfhrognfghdjfnjg

this show is Pretty and Cute and Space-Themed and Probably Gay what more do u Need. i love it 10/10

Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken!

so fucken good, this is the one i was most excited for based purely on the art style/animation and god did it deliver, everything is such a treat to look at i fuckin LOVE a setting w/ just as much personality as the characters

and My Goodness the Characters, 3 distinct girls w/ strong designs & personalities that aren’t like super moe/catered to cishet dudes heLLO

we Love a gremlin protag & her chaotic neutral best friend & the “fuck you dad i want to make anime” dreamer they meet........

also HELL YEAH it’s about making anime and they don’t even use that as a gimmicky set piece, the art is a huge part of the story and the detail with which it’s explored in the first ep gives me high hopes for the rest of the show aaaaa so excited to see where this one goes after that BANGER of a first episode

Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun

switching gears to a less great one lol..... so the thing is this show’s visual aesthetic absolutely fucking slaps in a way that’s so rare to see in a sea of samey anime art styles, like the character designs are unique and everything is so damn colorful, the backgrounds alone blow me away w/ how fuckin Pretty they are??? LOOK at this shit

and just. this show has a lot of stylistic flourishes that make it like 100/100 Certified Good-To-Look-At Anime

which makes every other aspect of the show that much more disappointing lmaoooo like ok i can deal w/ a mediocre story if the visuals slap, which they Do, but also these characters look 10 & we’re doing the whole sexualizing minors thing which fucking BLOWS it’s so uncomfortable to watch........... i feel like it’s one of those things where they’re trying to justify it by being like “o well hanako’s like a thousand year old spirit or whatever so he’s not REALLY underage” but fuckin. fuck off he looks and sounds like a Young Boy yall know what ur doing ugh

it’s not a thing that happens Constantly throughout the episode, really just a few moments here and there, but it is in the op pretty prominently so i feel like it’s gonna be a Thing that keeps happening so idk if i’ll stick w/ this one in particular which is a Damn Shame bc it really is such a gorgeous looking show im mad

number24

ok ngl just from the character designs alone i rly didn’t think this one was gonna make as good a first impression as it did??? i guess the huge ensemble cast of pretty boys reminded me of last season’s actors: songs connection, which uh. was Not great,

so i went into it totally expecting it to be all shitty but it rly surprised me, i found it so intriguing? the characters are actually really endearing so far...... i love how it doesn’t try to shove the entire cast in our faces in the v first ep but instead starts out w/ a small handful and lets us spend a lil time w/ them while only giving assorted Hints and passing impressions of the others, that was nice

also love how very not “generic sports anime” it is right off the bat by dropping us right into the middle of these characters’ story instead of doing the whole “bright-eyed first year joins the team and fights his way to the top” sorta deal- which you’d think would be a confusing and awkwardly paced approach but in this case is handled surprisingly well, especially because it seems like it’s gonna have a lot more elements of a character drama than a straight up classic sports anime (which i am Super here for)

(there is a lot of rugby in the op though so we’ll see how things go, it’s only been 1 ep after all)

the air drop into the characters’ established lives makes introductions a lot more organic as well; since the characters are already familiar with each other we don’t have to sit around watching everyone introduce themselves to the protag, we get to infer their relationships and general opinions of each other through their various interactions & it’s a thousand times more engaging imo!!

i mean we do have this other first year joining as a manager and our protag did deliberately say he learned everyone’s names/info after deciding to become a manager so im sure we’ll be getting those character introductions anyway, but well. we’ll cross that bridge if/when we come to it

also i believe this takes place in college rather than high school?? i couldn’t pay attention to every detail but i definitely got that kind of vibe in which case Hell Yeah another welcome deviation from the norm babeeyyyy (i just checked and it Is college yeehaw)

basically what im saying is im tired of tropes & number24 just no clipped past the first 25 chapters of the sports anime formula and also it’s set in university AND it seems to be character-driven & im living thanks thank u

Pet

ok ill be honest i completely forgot that i watched this one lmaooo (which should give u a hint as to what i thought of it *thinking emoji*)

the art style’s whatever and the animation’s whatever, nothing special there. the show is like, dark?? more stupid than dark idk it feels a little bit “welcome to my twisted mind” but the twist is homophobia w/ a mild side of ableism, and also an entire episode of suspense wondering if im gonna have to watch this black side character die (he doesn’t, so there’s that at least)

honestly i cant even remember what drew me to this show enough to put it in my plan to watch, i guess the premise sounded interesting enough (something about controlling minds and erasing memories?), but mature psychological shows usually aren’t really my scene, especially when they’re executed.... Like That. i did kind of enjoy the twist at the end, mildly, though i feel like it was pretty obvious in hindsight and the only reason i didn’t see it coming is bc i can be astoundingly shortsighted when it comes to things like that (aka im DUMB)

since it took until the very end of the episode to Really introduce our dynamic duo tho, i feel like this ep was more of a prologue than anything and the Real show is gonna begin in ep 2, which is great n all but uh. idk if i care enough to give that a watch tbhhhh. i might just to see what the show has to offer but really truly honestly cant see myself sticking this one thru to the end lmao rip

--

hate to end on a bummer note like that but hey that’s all i got for this post ! i have more shit to watch so i’ll probably end up making like a part 2 w/ more impressions but this is getting long enough that it’s becoming kind of a pain to keep adding more so thats it for now boiyoeiyeoii

[nightfayre]

You seem like a very open person, so I figured I would message you about my thoughts! I’m not so sure if I wanna take off the anon (I think this fandom is harmless for the most part about contradicting opinions- but some of their mindsets kinda scare me, lol) so here I go! First off, I would like to say that I really enjoy Tiashan as a pairing for the most part, but I see a lot of points in their relationship that I REALLY look forward to them fixing in the future. 1/?

For one thing, their power balance is extremely fucked right now, lol. That one’s pretty obvious. But seriously, while I was reading through some of the chapters I felt tired just processing them. A lot of the “go” “no go” and angry yelling in the comic can easily be see as comedic and written off as such- but it happens, it feels like, nearly every time He Tian and Mo interact and at times it can be tiring to look at and say “that’s just how they are.” At this point in the story, we can see 2/?

that Mo has started to develop some form of feelings for He Tian and is obviously much better off now with his friends than he was before- that’s a starting point for sure- but (to me at least) it felt mildly unearned. It’s clear and I appreciate that He Tian and Mo interact much healthier than they had in the beginning (especially in the 170’s), holding each others hands and whatnot, but a lot of their earlier arguments and attacks towards each other feel unresolved. 3/?

Again, I really enjoy their pairing and want to see them get better about it, but a lot of how they interact just seems mentally exhausting. Both characters have their own traumas and issues to sort through, so even though a lot of how He Tian acts towards Mo can be explained and reasoned through, that doesn’t really justify how he acts, although it’s clear that he’s doing his best and will (hopefully) improve. We’ve already seen Mo starting to open up more in the last chapter 3/? 

and I’m sure OX has plans for them, but I just can’t stress enough how badly I want proper communication. Mo is clearly a sensitive and withdrawn guy and He Tian is clearly impulsive with possessive qualities. They have history with those traits, but that doesn’t mean that their justified and can just write off their every action. It means that they need proper handling, and neither of their personalities (at the moment) make that easy. 4/?

Anyways, I trust the author wholeheartedly! This was more or less one of my largest concerns for the PRESENT relationship, which will no doubt evolve into something much better by the end. I’m hoping both of them (especially He Tian even though I love him) get the slap in the face they need to wake up and communicate properly, which won’t be easy. I hope you can rest my worries about this relationship or at least give some valuable insight! I’ll look into your response no matter what it is! 5/5

tianshan is one of my favorite topics to talk about, specifically because of all the points you’ve mentioned! they’re a controversial pair, but there is so many reasons to love them, too. my answer below the cut!

if I could describe tianshan’s current relationship with one word/phrase, I would label it as “power imbalance.” and like you said, it really is fucked. the amount of miscommunication and misunderstanding between the two is incredible, and most of their problems stem directly from their inability to properly interact. 

and yes – like you said, all of their current interactions seem to be an never-ending loop of teases, threats, yelling, and bickers. however, so is every other relationship in the story! hell, even qiucheng have their argumentative moments (though, obviously they aren’t as dramatic as the four main boys lol). if anything, I think Old Xian relies on these – for lack of a better word – harsh interactions between the characters in order to emphasize the moments in which the boys share serious, developmental moments. 

I mean, think of it this way: how utterly heartbroken did you feel when Jian Yi first kissed Zheng Xi, screaming manically in the process, and then ran away, only to end up quietly crying into Zheng Xi’s shoulder on the street? I, for one, was torn apart by that scene. and I think that’s exactly Old Xian’s intent – the emotional and situational contrast between the boys’ usual bickering, teasing interactions and their broken, I’m-only-fifteen-and-I-don’t-know-what-I’m-doing moments pulls out emotions in the readers like none other. and the same goes for tianshan; Old Xian chose to end one of tianshan’s interactions with their normal banter (ex. the scene in which Guan Shan is in the hospital and flips He Tian off when He Tian says, “Take a good look, I’m leaving.”) and then immediately followed it up with the scene in which He Tian came home – or rather, came back to Guan Shan – and rested his head on his shoulder in exhaustion, seeking whatever form of comfort he finds in Guan Shan. I personally think that was one of the greatest moments between tianshan despite it being minute, especially because Guan Shan was under no obligation to care for and/or provide for He Tian but did so anyways. (and of course, the nightmare + handholding scene came directly afterwards!)

as for the “unresolved” feeling you get from tianshan’s fights – well, you’re not wrong. they’ve yet to resolve a single problem they have with one another. the closest they’ve ever come to “fixing” an issue is when He Tian kissed Guan Shan, in which Guan Shan broke into tears for reasons He Tian didn’t understand and clearly/firmly told He Tian that it was not okay; that he went too far. He Tian internalized that moment because he’s human and learns from his mistakes, and they’ve hadn’t had a problem like that again. as such, I don’t think tianshan will ever verbally or explicitly solve whatever issues lie between them. rather, they will both absorb the information as it comes to them and intrinsically work through the issues by themselves. is that the healthiest and/or most efficient way to make progress in their relationship? well, no. it’s not. but they’re young and impressionable and don’t know how to trust/handle one another right now, and so they only have themselves to rely on. 

and I know I talked about this in one of my other answers, but I think it’s also relevant to apply my thoughts here, too: celebrate He Tian’s development, but don’t ignore his flaws along the way. you’re absolutely right; He Tian’s cruel and often forceful behavior isn’t right. not every single one of his actions can be justified, try as some people in this fandom might. character flaws are necessary for any story, and He Tian is no exception. just like any other human you come across in your lifetime, there’s going to be a history behind them that isn’t as clean as you’d like it to be. but they had to experience that tainted history in order to get to a better point in their life. no one is born with a perfect sense of morality, justice, social interactions, etc. trial and error is necessary for anyone to move forward in life, and I think this philosophy can be directly applied to He Tian, too. I don’t necessarily think He Tian is doing his best, but he’s doing what he knows as well as what he’s learning along the way. time (and failure) can only tell how He Tian will develop throughout the rest of the manhua, and I don’t think we can pass strict judgment on him until we give him the opportunity and room to grow. 

as for Guan Shan… his withdrawn and stubborn behavior will be the end of him. unfortunately, those character traits are exactly what drew He Tian to him – but that doesn’t necessarily mean that He Tian can’t continue to stay interested in him as Guan Shan matures/develops by his side. I do think Guan Shan has higher walls up than He Tian – and for good reason, too. he’s struggling for money, endured bullying, is growing up in a one-parent household, juggling multiple part-time jobs in addition to school, and has to protect his mother from the shit their father left behind (whether he intended to or not). it’s everything a 15 year old shouldn’t have to worry about, and yet Guan Shan is alone throughout it all. thus, he doesn’t have any reason to believe that He Tian – a wealthy and privileged, handsome and smart, athletic and popular boy – has any good intentions. 

and that’s why I focus more on He Tian when discussing the flaws in tianshan’s relationship. Guan Shan is a troubled boy, definitely, but I also think that Guan Shan would open up remarkably if he was greeted with a consistently kind and outstretched hand. and He Tian has definitely had his nice moments, but not enough to earn Guan Shan’s brittle trust. like you said, this tension between them is so hard for them to overcome, but I don’t think it’s impossible. it will just take a tremendous amount of effort and a considerable amount of time before they’re anywhere close to a healthy relationship. 

nonetheless, I’m glad you see the potential in tianshan’s relationship! their current interactions in the manhua are critical, even if it is painful and sometimes tiring to read. with how difficult their personalities are, there’s no way they would’ve been able to start at a different point than they did. give them grace, but don’t overlook their flaws. I’m positive that Old Xian loves these characters just as much (if not more) than we do, and thus I’m sure tianshan have a bright future ahead of them. it will take a lot of painful trial and error along the way, but they will certainly get where they need to be! at this point, a slap in a face would be yet another great kickstart towards a healthier relationship between them. and, honestly, I think that slap in the face will be delivered to He Tian, as you said. 

proper communication between them will come in time, and it’ll come in ways that aren’t as traditional as we might expect it to be. tianshan are a very physical pair (mostly thanks to He Tian), so perhaps the first sign of trust/communication will be Guan Shan allowing He Tian to touch him without protest. or maybe it will be Guan Shan doing a favor for He Tian without needing to or having to be asked. or maybe He Tian will do something that benefits Guan Shan and his family without explicitly telling Guan Shan that he did it for him/them – or, in other words, He Tian won’t expect anything in return. 

I don’t know; everything is a toss-up when it comes to Old Xian and the potential outcomes of the manhua. I don’t claim to know anything about where we might find ourselves in 50+ chapters, but I think I have enough sense to speculate. and as far as tianshan are concerned? well, I think they’re going to be just fine. 

I can’t wait to see where they end up. 

[365daysofmchart]

Reflecting on McHart: 3x01

Long time no see! But just thought I’d make some little (as it turns out) incredibly lengthy remarks about McHart-related things that stood out to me in the season 3 premiere of The Good Fight! May or may not do more of these throughout the season--let me know if you’re feelin’ it. Obviously 3x01 spoilers below!

1. Them holding hands, (and her leg slung over him which we couldn’t really see in the scene but did in the promo) and THAT CHIN GRAB, and him indulging her, oh my! (BUT WHY WOULD HE TEMPT FATE LIKE THAT SAYING “WHAT COULD GO WRONG?” DAMN IT, KURT!)

2. I had been planning to make a clever remark about how I had so been looking forward to seeing what a home/bedroom that was truly both of theirs would look like... and then (once seeing it in the promo/promo pics) that apparently it looks exactly like a Diane bedroom, lol (which is sweet in it’s own right too, I suppose, him just letting her run with it... or perhaps her insisting they do it together but then she vetos like 95% of his ideas so then he just gives up). But then I saw the gun case with more than a dozen firearms in it so actually a Diane/Kurt bedroom seems to be a Diane bedroom with an abundance of guns. ...Which honestly kind of surprises me, especially given that they’re not really locked away. Wondering how those negotiations went between the two of them. ...Are the guns in the bedroom going to become relevant in a later episode??? So many questions. 

But anyway, further on their bedroom, THAT THING IS FREAKING MASSIVE. I know that they want it to function as sort of a catch-all space for the season so that they can get away with shooting every single McHart home scene in that one space and so it has to serve a lot of functions, but good lord, I think an entire apartment could fit in there? And HOW MUCH SEATING DO THEY NEED? They’ve got enough for--no exaggeration--more than ten in there. That’s insane. Are they planning to have a freaking soiree in there??? HA! ...It is gorgeous though, props to Beth!

3. The domesticity of their morning! He’s shaving (with a shaving brush OF COURSE and probably a straight razor) in a towel in the bathroom and her unpacking his stuff as they talk (or holler, rather) back and forth, just kind of hanging out while doing their own things to get ready for the day. THEY’RE MARRIED. My heart! 4. Diane’s increased knowledge of his guns and his preferences despite the fact that he has probably like 50 of them. How much time does he spend talking about guns and she sits there and lets him and listens, probably mostly because she just loves watching him in his element... and also because THEY’RE MARRIED and idk, I guess you do stuff like listening to your spouse talk about things you’re maybe not totally into when you’re married?

5. He called her (at work vs. her cell) while she was on her way to work, after she had just left him, but we never find out why. WHY???

6.HER HELPING HIM PACK. Ans it’s because she “saw airplane tickets on our account.” On “OUR ACCOUNT.” Something tells me they hadn’t merged much of anything before (including their lives), but they have now and it warms my heart!

7. I actually love the way they handled the hairs/her suspicions.To start with, I think it’s natural that after everything, even if they have moved forward and are starting over, even if she has worked though everything and trusts him, I think it’s perfectly realistic that certain feelings might creep up given certain circumstances. Of course exploring this in the show could’ve easily gotten into “drama for the sake of drama” territory and been incredibly messy and destructive, but it wasn’t. 

She wasn’t looking for reasons to be jealous, wasn’t looking to catch him in a trap--they honestly were “just there.” She then handled it so well, asking him reasonable questions, went on with her day, then maturely confronted him about it at home that night. (And honestly, I don’t think she actually thought he cheated, just that he was hiding something perhaps a little less than seemly that had to do with one of his “Fox blonds.”)  And then when she does approach him about it, she starts by telling him she loves him! She’s diving into this situation knowing it could be messy/hurtful but wants to preface with an “I love you” cause they are so IN THIS. Oh, also, ya know, he was being dishonest with her/lying to her, so her suspicions were totally valid. ...And on that note, DID KURT REALLY NOT LEARN HIS LESSON ON BEING HONEST WITH HER?!?!? Like he’s the most honest guy with literally e-ver-y-one else... but his wife. I think it just comes from loving her and not wanting to upset/hurt/lose her, but COME ON, MAN.

8. “I’m being paid. I don’t have a job, I’m hiring myself out...” “They pay me, Diane; it’s money. I’m not doing it because I like them!” “I’m being paid! I’m working!” That. Job. Though. His excuses are such a cop out because they obviously don’t need the money by any means. But I think it really speaks to Kurt and his pride--he loves his wife dearly, loves her strength, will always support her and is genuinely okay with her being the primary breadwinner. ...But he also still feels the need to pull his weight--to have a purpose and to contribute something financially. To “be a man.” (But again, as much as he may feel the need to play a traditional male gender role, he also has zero expectations that Diane do the same!) Because he could always volunteer in some way, take on smaller jobs, wait for the right long-term, paying position... but he’s taken that one. Because pride (which apparently trumps integrity? LOL!). (Throwback to season 2 of TGW!) Oh, Kurt... BUT ALSO SHE SEEMS TO GET THAT, because yes, she’s definitely upset about it and judges him for it, but she doesn’t even begin to try to talk him out of it, just, “Nope, you’re right. You have to do what you have to do.” She knows it’s important to him and respects that it’s something he feels he has to do! (They’ve come so far from 5x06!) As he respects that she has to do what she has to do. Like she just walks out on some kind of vague mission and he just stands there, a little confused, but like, “...Okay? Well, you do you, I guess. I’ll be here.”

9. THEIR TEASING, I LOVE IT SO MUUUUUCH. Honestly it’s been so long since we’ve seen them relaxed and playful together that it almost felt out of character for Diane for a hot minute and then I thought back and was like, “oh yeah, never mind, this is just what they’re like together when they’re not being put through the wringer by the writers!” Gasp! ...But like oh my God, they’re so freaking cute and yes please I’ll take more wise-cracking-sarcastic-sasshole Diane EVERY EPISODE, PLEASE!!! And let’s be honest, Kurt loves it. He looks at her with heart eyes and that little smirk that he can’t quite master because he’s just so in love with her even especially when she teases him. But then “Come on, come on. A little hug, please.” Like it’s not even a kiss or sexual in any way, she’s just missed him and just wants to embrace him for a moment. And given their history in regards to physical intimacy and that we can be quite certain that their sex life is still plenty vibrant, I think that a hug actually means more than tearing into each other, you know? They’ve always had that physical draw, the hug is more a product of an emotional one. (THOUGH I WOULD HAVE ZERO COMPLAINTS ABOUT THEM TEARING INTO EACH OTHER) And then, from the slightest wince she knows something is wrong and presses him on it!

10. The entirety of the “They shot you!” scene was pure GOLD. Every line, every delivery. And then her concern followed by her frantic ire and demand to know who did it, and his trying to calm her but then getting riled himself... UGH. I love it. All of it. Every bit of it. But especially... (And some lines I’ve highlighted at the bottom!)

11. Idk, but I just really love when he shows her the ointment? It just feels SO [OLD?] MARRIED COUPLE. Like, “Yeah, I did go to the hospital and they gave me this stuff to put on it, see? Here it is. Do you want to look at it?”  (And her just automatically taking it from his hand!) Honestly I clearly can’t adequately put words to why this in particular stands out to me, but it just gets me every freaking time.

12. Moment of appreciation for their bathroom (the one room that’s actually lit properly, lol) and alllll of her products and their matching toothbrushes in the middle, then that lil red car on his side (’cause they have sides, guys!). Dying to see their bedroom reasonably well lit at some point during the season (we hope) to see more of these little details! (...Also why are their towels hanging in their washroom area where it would appear that there is only a toilet???)

13. “You’re not fit to kiss my husband’s feet--a truthful man, uncomplaining, never passing the buck, never punching unless he’s punched. When did he become the exception?” After everything, after it all, after the lies and the hurt, she still believes that this man is the greatest man to walk this earth. Perhaps she now knows that he’s not perfect... but I think she believes he’s the closest any man will get. She just loves him SO. DAMN. MUCH. And then just gently resting her arm over his waist while careful to keep her distance from his wound cause she just wants needs that connection... I CAN’T WITH THEMMMMM.

14. Also, ummm... can we please get shirtless Kurt in 3 scenes in every episode??? 15. Diane uttered like 2 “husband”s, 2 “wife”s, and one “married” in this single episode... clearly the writers are as committed to defining them as MARRIED AF as we are.

And just a few other lines that stood out to me:

“I’m happy. ...Am I ridiculous?” “You like narrating your life.”

“But mean it.”

“...And it reeked of cologne, or mousse, or something, and I know that you’d rather die than use girly products...”

“...Then which of you Fox blonds is it?” (”Fox” did not sound like “Fox” upon my first watch/listen, haha!)

“You call him Eric?” “Oh, God...”

“DIANE, you’re scaring me!”

“My God, my poor husband. What have they done to you?”

“That’s why they delayed the trip, they SHOT you!”

“I can do the ointment.” “No you can’t!”

“The most important person in my life...”

Alright, as per usual I got ENTIRELY carried away, but anyway there ya go. Hope at least one of you gets amusement out of it, lol! And feel free to comment/"Ask” your own thoughts!

Happy “More McHart is only 25 hours away!” -E

[rqs902]

qcyn ep 10 aka an episode that really made me happy!! but also really made me miss season 1..........

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG WU CHENGZE AND CHEN SIJIAN AND XU FANGZHOU OMGOMGOMG IM SO HAPPY FOR THEM!!!!!! OMGOMGOMG THAT BOTTOM ROW AHHHH I WAS SO SURE THAT CHENGZE WASNT GONNA MAKE IT BUT OMGOMOGMOG YESSS AND THANK GOODNESS SIJIAN OMGGGG YESSSHSHSHS AHHHHHH 

phew thank goodness lin mo made it tho, now i feel like there’s not much left for me to do cept wait for this show to end bc im pretty sure thats as far as he’ll get, and im so so relieved he made it to the top 20 thats all i was asking for, i just wanted him to be able to participate in every stage. so now im just excited for when he gets out what mr tyger will do!

man iqiyi really skipping even 14-19 man..... 

wowowowow long lost xixi spirit of the knght footage that we never got to see T__T

LOOOOL LONGHAN THE POOR CHILD HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA HIS INTERACTIONS WITH YIXING ARE GOLD

awwwww huaiwei’s feeble “are yall not gonna clap” was so sad... but also i was kinda expecting his fall with the 2 vote restriction bc huaiwei is hilariously fun and everyone likes him, but hes not as much bias material.... lol shi zhan awkwardly stuck between two crying people lol

HAHAHAHHA CHEN SIJIAN ‘why cant we just talk to each other’s face to face’ HAHHAHAHA I LOVE HIM 一點都不說唱 HAHAHHAAH

lol zhenning exposing shi mingze is the content im here for! mingming is the cutest bub omg 

LOL WTF IS THIS THIS EDITING IS SO EXTRA HAAHAH

wow a rare zhan yu teardrop mole sighting!!

lol how much u wanna bet it was rigged that the first one was for wenhan from yangyang

aw huaiwei and yueyue....... ok but is he really telling them that they shouldnt go to the hospital if they get third degree burns?? bc as a future healthcare professional im gonna to strongly disagree on that one........ please take care of yourselves and your health first.........

HAHAHHAA I LOVE XIXI AND JUNJIE’S FRIENDSHIP HAHAHAH the fact that sijian was like “lol its junjie” as soon as xixi got called out ....oh my goodness this is the sweetest thing oh my goodness 

aw zhenning being so caring towards wang zhe.... but luckily wang zhe did really well in maze :) 

i hope we get to see more of these letters in the extra clips.... im waiting for jia yi’s letter to lin mo ;_; i see that mr tyger group hug ahhh also was that lin mo that wenxuan was hugging at the end bc their friendship is really aw too

OH MY GOODNESS IS THAT SUN ZELIN IN A CF/?!?!?!! OMGGGGG MY CHILDDD HAHAHHAHAH OMGGGGG YESSSSS CHEN SIJIAN TOO!!!! WOWWOWOOW AMAZING!!

aw junjie looking for happy for his friends even tho he likely wont make it this round.....

aw shi mingze and zhenning aww look at zhenning rising to the top, he really became people’s one pick after retreat huh hahaha 

man this might sound kinda mean (im really not trying to be) but what are the chances jia yi will keep falling and fall out of top 9 so mr tyger can continue as 5.... LOL im sorry i love the child but tbh i dont think being in top 9 will be worth his time as much as being reunited with his favorite geges......

aw poor mingming so nervous.... reminds me of quanzhe from last season that one time iqiyi kept panning to him during elims....

i wonder why there’s a bunch of them missing from the special class / the charity activity this time..... are they all in the hospital again???? like lin mo, jia yi, wenhan.... would zhan yu be with them to watch over lin mo and jia yi? 

lol why does bo yuan know the maze choreo, did he learn it in like 30 seconds?? gu landi with his saxophone!!!!!!!!!!!

ok can we pls talk about how ymm is in such disbelief that he went up so much?? i really hope this helps him gain more confidence....... AND OMG HIS SMILEEE 

omg chen youwei bringing up yi xiao.... aw this just makes me think of when youwei kept chanting jin fan’s name during the first elims.... and now wang yi and li yuzhi are left watching from below..... omgosh wu chengze is crying so hard.... do you think its bc his bff sun zelin ranked beside him last time but this time..... he’s not gonna be able to continue with him? (omg im just thinking about how sun zelin talked about chengze high-fiving him and going out of his way to wish him good night every night before bed... their friendship is...... so important......) honestly im gonna miss sun zelin and his silly humor and his adorable personality... he recognized he wasnt as skilled but he still tried really hard and dreamed big and im proud of how far he made it! 

wait i have a question, if ymm has this many solo stans then who else were they voting for with their second vote if not wen yechen??? MINGMING’S SMILE IS THE MOST PRECIOUS OH MY GOODNESS omg cutting to a crying shi mingze their friendship is so important MINGMING YOU DESERVE THIS 

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA YAO MINGMING KEEPING IT REAL HAHAHHAHAHAA SO REAL IM CRYING HAHAHAHAHAHA BO YUAN’S FACE HAHAHA AND THEN YIXING HAHAHHA

wow waiting for them to announce who ranked #1 is just as suspenseful as it was on “all for one” -- aka not suspenseful at all........... ITS WENHAN OK WE GET IT NO ONE THINKS ITS GUAN YUE IM SORRY

lol i just looked up bo yuan’s birthday and hes like 9 months older than lin mo but now that hes eliminated does this make lin mo the oldest trainee on the show..... 

omgosh im gonna miss the sound of feng junjie’s voice screaming

omgosh zhan yu helping lin mo lift his box out aw!! aw zhan yu and jia yi working together.... aww them all working together

aw zhenning and shi zhan friendship!!!! LOL THIS IS SO CRINGE HAHAHHAHAHA wow i just realized the S symbol reminds me of a sadder looking yoyo class symbol from “all for one” lolololl 

ooo at least we’ll get another junjie ep of YAA!!!! and sun zelin too!!! SHI MINGZE YOYO POWERS/??!!? omg reminds me of bi wenjun ;_; i miss our yoyo prince ;_; omg they reused the puffy suits from last season LOOOLLLL wait but im sorry xixi i cant look at that colorful one without thinking of lou zibo ahhhhhhhhh I MISS ZIBO TOO and qian zhenghao in the tiny alien one omg that was such a iconic moment!!!!! and qin fen in the overblown monster one ahhhh I MISS SEASON ONE IM SORRY I FEEL LIKE ITS LATE ENOUGH IN THIS SEASON THAT I CAN SAY THIS WITHOUT FEELING LIKE IM BEING BIASED BUT SEASON ONE WAS BETTER ---- but i still love many of the kids from this season, its not their fault this season has just been generally more frustrating and less focused on all of their friendships. but season one just seemed generally more enjoyable, fun and lighthearted, yet emotional in a positive manner

LOL theyre all so obviously reading off a script this is pretty funny WHY IS HANYU SO CREEPY HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA 

FENG JUNJIE 28 NOOOOO ahhh i thought shi mingze would make it too........ man wang yi 38?? i thought he’d be higher.... man chen sijian’s literally the only rap line trainee left wtf............ wow wang jiayi really dropped so much throughout this show.... 

wait i wanna hear the full version of shi mingze’s speech, i feel like he mightve said more about his friendship with mingming... i guess now that i think about it, mingze having ranked rather high last time was rather impressive considering iqiyi hasnt given him much time to shine......

ooof ok im kinda hoping 20 will be gu landi or shao haofan bc their vocals really would’ve earned it. omgosh gu landi asking chen tao if he can sit next to him ahhhh so cute

im yao chi praying for gu landi... but i feel like its gonna be chen tao bc freaking wenhan’s “gwi ze” LOL

yep

not surprised

man the audience be sleeping on gu landi’s talent..... 

omg this is my new favorite friendship omg gu landi is so supportive towards yao chi im crying.... 

lol they keep saying the top 9 is 換血 but literally i feel like the only new person is zhenning...???? 

OH MYGGODNESS DID THEY JSUST CALL FENG JUNJIE IM SSHAKINGN!!! MASD;ALSKD;LAKSD;LK;LS;AKLDK YEASSSSSSSS!!!!!SKJSALDKJSALKYESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS THANK YOU THANK YOU THAKN YOU OH MY GOODNESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS IM SO PSODKALSKDJLAKJDSLK DSALKJSALASD IM IN DISBELIEFASLDKJALK IM LITERALLY CRYING SO HARDR IGHT NWOWWWW AHHHH OMGOMOGMG THIS IS THE BEST NEWS IVE HEARD ALL DAY OMGGGJGGGGGAHHHHHHHHH THNAK GOODNESS AHHHHHHH LAKJSDLAKSDLKL HE CAN STAY WITH XIXI TILL THE END THANK GOODNESS OH MY GOODNESS IM SHAKINGG 

hahhahahahhaha fjj: i didnt imagine i would be picked by the old men... yixing: i can tell :)  LOOOOL JUNJIE YOUR FACEE HHAHHAHAHAHA

wow today is a such good day wow feng junjie made it wow im so grateful wow this is a great day wow life is great isnt it 

ahhh im wu chengze chanting wu zelin sun zelin wu zelin sun zelin 

aw lin mo and wenxuan are really so close....

just dont say wenhan LOL

lol the old men really like zhou shiyuan so im not surprised... he does deserve it tho!

oo good for haofan! 

honestly they prob made sure the old men didnt pick yechen, zhan yu or bo yuan again... sadly..... but also sad they didnt notice gu landi....... omgosh look at zhan yu pumping his fists in the air even tho he knows its over... this is his “pretending to be mature gege” side, trying to appear positive for his bros... i wanna see lin mo and jia yi’s full thank you speeches and see if they mention his again T_T

WANG JIAYI TELLING HUAIWEI ITS OK TO NOT BE STRONG IS SO IMPORTANT. ahhh hes really a caring friend

oh gosh seeing the top 20 choosing their final songs makes me think back to last season and im getting freaking mack daddy flashbacks and im shuddering in fear LOL “ITS OKAY” WAS AND STILL IS THE SUPERIOR SONG IM SORRY ITS JUST A FACT

LOL THEY TEXT THEM!??! on the bright side, this just reminded me that top 35 will still get to be in ep 11 so yayyy we get another zhan yu stage!!!!!!

lol this earth ad is even more cringey.................. the ending credits.... i see lin yuzhi! and xixi got a cool shot :D im surprised lin mo didnt get any shots haha and that they didnt show mr tyger at all during the hugging portion at the end but oh well i guess..... 

tbh this was a minimal lin mo exposure ep but its ok, im still grateful that he got a few random closeups (which is more than i can say for some of the others) and now that hes safely in top 20 i honestly think my work here is done LOL. there’s not much more lin mo fans can do for him. theyve gotten him onto all the stages and i dont think any amount of work will get him into top 9... and ive said before i dont even really want him in top 9 bc id rather he stay with mr tyger and help them stay relevant bc theyll need his help to do so, especially since jia yi will probably make top 9. 

(from here is where i go into a rant about season 1 vs season 2.... LOL)

lets be honest, ranking 16 is too low for lin mo to make it lol....... last season the only kid who made top 9 who wasnt already in top 9 by ep 10 was yanjun... and yanjun had been on a steep upward trend leading up to the last ep (lin mo went from 17 to 16... theres minimal momentum there lol) and then bi wenjun going from 12 to 10 was the other surprise. xikan going from 18 to 13 was impressive, but he still wasnt one of the contenders for the 9th spot. i think at the end it was bu fan, qian zhenghao, bi wenjun and you zhangjing right? out of those 4, the lowest ranked in ep 10 was bi wenjun at 12..... so going from 16 up to 9 would be really really unlikely, unless lin mo somehow makes an even greater impression on the audience during the mentor collab stage than yanjun did last year.... which i think will be impossible bc literally the entire audience fell in love with yanjun during the “zero” performance in last season’s ep 11 lol it was crazyyyy.... but anyway i think ive reminisced about last season enough this rant.... can you tell i really miss it? honestly ive tried to stay as positive as i could throughout watching qcyn and i gave iqiyi the benefit of the doubt from the beginning that “oh maybe it just doesnt seem as great as the first season bc we havent gotten to know the kids yet, the show’s just started, we’ll learn to love it later” ---- but we’re on ep 10 now and i just.......... i still dont think i got to know the kids as well as i did last season and its not their fault, theyre not any less lovable kids (some of them i really like!!! more than some of the kids from last season!) but this season’s editing is really just disappointing. i really miss last season and it was honestly so much more enjoyable to watch..... i thought about this the other day, if lin mo had been eliminated during the last round, would i still be watching this show? and i thought about it and i honestly think i would... because i really like some of the other kids like mingming, junjie, xixi, jia yi, guan yue, chen sijian, etc. but i really dont think id be as eager to stay up to date with it. ive fallen behind on yaa and dont even look forward to watching fanafan anymore bc lin mo hasnt been on any of those (no, i dont count the yaa ep he literally only got 1 second of screentime in) these side shows are fun, but not as fun as fanafan from last season. they feature the same kids over and over again (literally yuehua trio was the ONLY kids on fanafan 2 weeks ago and then they were 1/3 of the ep last week too??? and hmm how come there are kids who have been on yaa multiple times yet there are also kids who have never been on it at all???? that’s just so unfair.....) without fanafan from last season, would you zhangjing have made it into top 9?? fanafan was the medium thru which he really showed us how hilarious and fun and lovable and sweet and sassy he was (whereas on the actual show he showed us his true, undeniable talent) and im just here wondering, if qcyn’s fanafan had featured ye ziming half as much as they had featured you zhangjing or his partner in crime yanjun (who both ended up making top 9), would he have at least made top 35? or how about chen sijian and wu zelin? or feng junjie?? or su yuhang?? where would they be now? why hasnt lin mo been on fanafan at all??? if given the chance, would people actually be appreciating zhan yu’s hilariously weird and crazy personality that we NEVER got to see?? sigh.......... 

OKAY WHERE ARE ALL THE EXTRA CLIPS IMMA FIND YALL

[paulisweeabootrash]

First Impression: Soni-Ani: Super Sonico the Animation

This is generally a SFW blog, and especially will continue to be one thanks to certain Tumblr policy changes, but this time a couple of the links are not (though still certainly not explicit), so be advised.

Without further ado, it's time again for Paul Is Weeaboo Trash!

Today's episode: Soni-Ani: Super Sonico the Animation (2014)

Episodes watched: 4

What happens when you take a trip to a ridiculously geeky store, encounter an aggressively-ganguro and barely-dressed figurine (that your wife immediately despises), and you think to yourself "what the hell is this?"  You end up finding, and somewhat regretting, Super Sonico.

This is an odd show right off the bat just in terms of how it came to be.  The main character originated as the mascot of a music festival of the same name, and she just seems to have taken off in popularity in Japan, spawning a series of media including video games, manga, and the anime that is today's topic.

Super Sonico (Yes, her name is すーぱーそに子.  Family name "Suupaa", given name "Soniko".) is a bright but anxious college student who works a seemingly-impossible set of part-time jobs as a model, waitress, and guitarist for the band First Astronomical Velocity (apparently "escape velocity" is a better translation?).  The first episode serves just as an introduction to the main characters with very little actual content or development.  We see Sonico struggle to get up and go to class in the morning, prodded awake by her cats and repeatedly coming back to her apartment for things, we see her late but well-prepared for class, we see her go to work.  The show threatens to get downright sleazy with the scene showing her modeling for a magazine, but backs off at the last second as we're "introduced" to Sonico's manager, Kitamura, who shows up unprompted in an oni mask straight out of Japanese theater to object to an unapproved costume change from a bikini to something presumably even skimpier that we never actually see.  After the shoot, she goes to her second job waiting on customers at her grandmother's bar, which really doesn't seem to establish much of anything plot-wise, before we finally meet her band, which gathers at a rented studio to rehearse their new song, which bassist Suzu has evidently already recorded her own demo of.

That first episode amounts to an extended setup scene, and made me expect that maybe this would be another clumsy attempt at a cute slice-of-life show.  However, the show does quickly gain self-contained structured plots.  In episode 2 we get a better introduction to First Astronomical Velocity as they continue to rehearse for their upcoming concert.  Just like she was at school, Sonico is anxious, enthusiastic, and serious about making good music.  Suzu, the bassist, is overenthusiastic about the stage show side, seems to be in charge of costumes, and clearly either has a crush on Sonico or is a big fan of embarrassing her.  Maybe both?  Fuuri, the drummer, is shown at one point being the voice of reason trying to get Suzu to understand Sonico's feelings, but her personality is really mostly dominated by her being very quiet and eating a lot.  The rest of the episode unfolds in a very sitcom kind of way: Sonico juggles too many responsibilities and skips a last-minute rehearsal before the band is performing to take another modeling gig.  When she gets to the concert venue, however, the rest of the band is delayed and Sonico has to try to stall by performing solo in the costume she previously refused to wear before being saved by her bandmates at the last minute.

The third episode is dominated by another modeling gig, and with it more predictable excuses for fanservice, and although we're getting more screen time with characters who aren't Sonico, they still have very little in terms of personality, which is the show's biggest.  We see more of Kitamura, for example, in part of episode 2 and most of 3, but mainly to continue to show that he is protective of Sonico and uncomfortable with the outfits magazines want her in.  And that he never takes off that mask.  The most interesting and noteworthy event in the episode, assuming you're not just here to leer at Sonico, is that it draws a little bit of a line for itself, as the biggest conflict is Kitamura drunkenly booking Sonico for a TV appearance without either of them knowing the full details, which ends up putting Sonico in a deeply uncomfortable situation that Kitamura interrupts, sword in hand.

Now, I don’t want to be the kind of person who criticizes a show for not being a different show, but at this point, I was just wishing they’d made the show more about the band itself because the modeling parts just drag it down.  It didn’t look like it was going to improve, and I wanted to give up, but based on the plot synopses for the other episodes, I gave it one more try in hopes it would get more interesting and less gratuitous.  I was immediately rewarded by a much, much better episode 4, which consists mostly of an extended flashback telling the story of how Sonico met Toma, a middle school friend with whom she is no longer in touch, from whom she got her guitar and learned to play it.  In a rare moment of actual thoughtful writing, it becomes quite believable that Sonico was extremely shy and, through maturity and practice and the acceptance of friends, became the clearly anxious but overall more confident person we saw in the previous episodes.  It’s like we’re seeing the same underlying conscientiousness manifest in different ways.  The resolution of the episode is sweet, and I was thinking “maybe that was an anomaly and the rest of this show is going to be good!”  After all, it’s quite possible for a show to be fanservicey and also clever or touching.  But then the preview of episode 5 started, and it looks like it’ll be another pretext for mindless creepy fanservice (and Kitamura saving the day), so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.  Maybe the show alternates bad and good (or, more charitably, model-centric and band-centric) episodes? Overall, I just don't think I care enough to continue the series.  It's not so bad I’m going to be stuck complaining about it, but it is wildly variable and not good enough overall for me to sit through the “ugh, again?” to get to the “oh, that’s pretty cool”.  I’d call the first and third episodes actively bad, the second okay, and the fourth one good.  Sonico is by far the most interesting and fleshed-out character, and that’s just not enough to make me actually get into it. Oh, and the punchline of the whole thing is: Super Pochaco, who that preposterous figurine is of, is just a background character in this show, first appearing in episode 4 (someone on TVTropes claims she shows up in the background in episode 3, but I didn't see her at all).  I wasn't watching the show for her, but I did hope to find out what the deal is with that figurine.  Meh.  This is not the kind of trash your trashy host wants to dig any further through.

I might buy the music, though.

-----

Revised W/A/S Scores: 6 / 7 / 5±2

Weeb: Plenty of things would be clearer or enhanced by general background knowledge of Japan, but some defy explanation to the moderately-informed weeb — someone with no prior knowledge of traditional depictions of oni will look at Sonico's manager's mask and go "lol wut?", and even after consulting the Almighty Wikipedia, I still have no idea why that particular mask (which apparently represents a obsessive or jealous aristocratic woman?) was chosen.  Also, a lot of on-screen Japanese text is left untranslated, so I wonder if there are sight gags I'm constantly missing.

Ass: Very fanservicey, without ever quite making it to nudity, but also surprisingly upfront and kind of creepy about it, like the show is just a pretext for watching Sonico’s gravure photoshoots.  Like, I was even expecting this show to be basically just pandering for its presumed otaku audience, but it’s not even particularly good pandering.  Outside of the photoshoots, the show is still full of individual shots that draw attention to the female characters' bodies, especially Sonico's breasts and thigh-high socks.

Shit (writing): Continuing that general thought, the fanservice level just ends up dragging and distracting and I think it should count as a point against the writing quality.  As mentioned above in the main review, the writing is wildly variable from episode to episode.  What little characterization there has been for the supporting cast has at least made Fuuri and Suzu entertaining and likeable, and the show certainly doesn’t go as far as that egregious Blend-S problem of not knowing where its own scenes or episodes should end.  Not being terrible, however, is not the same as being good.

Shit (other): This show really is pretty, and most of the music (which there's a lot of, since each episode has its own unique ending themes, all performed by First Astronomical Velocity) is enjoyable.  Honestly, it's just making me more interested in buying the actual albums than getting more into Sonico's various visual media.

Content Warning: Although it's in the context of Sonico attempting to act, and the scene overall ends up funny, and sets up an enjoyable post-credits scene, episode 3 contains a scene of clearly non-consensual groping, and viewers might be too uncomfortable with that.

-----

Stray Observations:

- Huh.  I was only dimly aware of "bullet screens", the practice of showing viewer comments scrolling across videos, as seen at the beginning of episode 2, and thought it was a very recent and distinctly Chinese phenomenon, but it apparently originated in Japan over a decade ago.

- It really shouldn't feel like such a distinct relief for a piece of otaku-centric media to finally sexualize someone who is unquestionably an adult, and who is choosing to be sexualized as part of a job she enjoys...

[thekirstenkhaye]

infinities x wormholes (SETBACKS)

I honestly have no idea how to start this. So I guess if this intro sucks, you know now why. LOL.

I’m still not sure how to begin this to be frank but yes, of course, I know I need to start somewhere anytime soon and stop beating around the bush.

Setbacks.

Let’s start with this word because if you’ve got to read the very first blog I posted this year, you will already have an idea of why this word made it to the title of this blog post. And if you haven’t read that yet, well, go to that post first and read it. I linked it on the word ‘Setbacks’ above. This post will make more sense if you do that first. I swear. Although, of course, if you don’t want to be bothered, just continue reading, and PLEASE HAVE AN OPEN MIND while reading this entire entry. Okay? Thank you. Because we need to be mature here if we are going to do this together ^.^

Now let’s get this straight on. I’ve been engaged since late 2016, I just said on my previous blog post that it’s late 2017 because we only started making serious wedding and finally settling down together kind of plans half way through 2017. Yes, I know, it may sound like we’re not taking it that seriously to just plan and make everything work on a short amount of time. And I won’t lie, so yes, that is probably one of the few reasons why the wedding didn’t push through this year. It’s simple, we’re obviously not ready for it. You know, emotionally, YES OF COURSE WE ARE DEFINITELY INTO IT. There’s no argument there, and whoever you ask from the both of us about it, we won’t think twice for the answer. However, ladies and gentlemen, we are living in the real world here and not in some chick flick movie hence there are some adult stuff and real shits that we have to handle that you know, we didn’t expect that will hit our unpreparedness real hard.

So now, you might wonder how I felt after everything. Well, I guess I’ll have to say first how we came up with the decision of postponing it and all the jazz of handling the aftermath of the postponed wedding.

Well, okay, you see, this blog post was a bit hard for me to write and you know, put more of my feelings out there when I wasn’t even sure of what I was feeling. It’s been almost 2 months already since I started constructing this, but now that it’s officially one week before our 3rd year anniversary, I know exactly what to put on here.

I realized, for over a month of trying to finish this entry, this is just how far I’ve come to. Not even ¼ through with what I want to share. Actually “would’ve” now since part of my realization before finishing and posting this on here, is that, you know, I don’t really like the idea anymore of putting my life out here. Especially my lovelife. First of all, because it slid my mind that Gravity is a very private person and to be honest, so far, I’ve loved how the privacy of our relationship feels like. It feels more secure. If that makes any sense.

NO FRET, though. This post will still have something in it. I’ll still share my thoughts about our relationship. It may not be that detailed but I promise I’ll be sharing an honest to God feelings and thoughts of mine.

Let me just answer the question of how we’ve got to agree to postpone the wedding I think. That’s much better to start with, yeah?

So this is how it went. Gravity and I have known each other for almost 4 years now which technically to be honest makes us to have been dating for over 3 years already. But then again, we just knew for ourselves I guess that we would need to make a sturdy foundation first if we both want a serious and committed romantic relationship with each other. And yeah, in 6 months from when we first met online, I think we did just that in the best way we can. Unintentionally, but obviously it worked for us after all. Hence when he’s frustrated, or you know, agitated about something, I can almost instantly sense it. And yes, even despite the distance, I just can, okay? That’s why when he was acting like that one week (or maybe over a week) before his arrival here back in May, I just knew that we’ll be talking about some serious shit. As expected by yours truly, one day, it happened. He was the one who brought it up first. Yow girl though, being the cancer (like the zodiac sign, okay?) that I am, of course got upset and said some stuff that well, I guess pretty unnecessary but still never regretted anything I said that time though cause a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do, you know. I needed that sudden outburst for me to get myself together and you know, collect myself after a bit of lashing out. In my defense, it’s not that I was so mean to him but I did act like a bitch. LOL. I asked him nicely though to give me some space and all that jazz for me to think about it.    

After a few hours (or was it just even less than an hour? LOL not sure anymore), I got myself collected, and told him…yes, I’ll be quoting myself cause it’s cringey as f*ck, so here you go. LOL. I said, and I quote, “You know what’s worse? You gave me a date, you gave me hope, and you gave me something to look forward to.” And so on and so forth. Just know that I did lash out before that part. Like it’s a 10 chat bubbles comprised at least 100-200 words each. There’s even this CRINGY ASS BUBBLE WITH WORDS IN CAPSLOCK. Like everything in it and I quote again, “I HAD MY FUTURE SO CLEAR TO ME ALREADY *HIS NAME*. WITH YOU, TOGETHER WHERE WE GET TO HAVE A HOME, WHERE I CAN FINISH A DEGREE WHILE YOU GET TO YOUR HIGHEST POTENTIAL IN YOUR CAREER, AND WHERE I CAN TRULY BE HAPPY ONCE AND FOR ALL.” Yes, I know, cringey and cringy all at the same time. Now y’all know now, don’t let your happiness be a person nor like just a mere plan. Just BE happy. No hows, whens nor whys. Even buts actually, don’t ever do that. Or you’ll end up just like me. I mean, it’s not that I didn’t know all of that before we had the plan of getting married or whatnot. It’s just that, you know, even if you know for yourself what is right for you, in times like what happened to me and if you’re as weak as me, it will surely slip your mind and you’ll just be that one petty person who’ll just be living in his/her own fairytale.

But I did end my verses with a very light note though, and I quote once again, “I know our lives are stressing us out right now. Yes, it’s overwhelming to the point that we’ll really get to question if we’re doing this the right way. But please, think of how long we’ve waited for this time to come. Our individual agony because distance is keeping us apart and we can’t be there for each other when we both really need at least just a hug for comfort. But again, as I said up there, I’m not going to force you to continue the wedding if you’re really not ready yet though. Just tell me ASAP lolz so I can go back to work than doing nothing.” And sent that with a laughing emoji. That easy. Although I must say that I did really feel so heavy that time. Which is reasonable too, I guess during those moments. HAHA.

Now though, that I’ve already seen the silver lining of the wedding getting postponed (?), I do really think that I was being such an irrational girl. Like I was seriously just being a girl who’s complaining of how her happily ever after is not happening anymore. I am facepalming myself so hard everytime I think of those days. Because honestly, though, I didn’t even have a visa yet when he’s about to arrive already so what was I really expecting? LMAO. Besides, to be completely honest, it was part of my lashing out that I get to tell him how terrified I was of the plan but I still pushed it through just because I was convincing myself that it was the right thing to do. So when I’ve re-read everything, I’m just relieved in a whole different level.

I won’t just share anymore about Gravity’s one month vacation here because it wasn’t really that eventful. One thing’s sure though. That long time together didn’t let us see or you know, make us realize that it’s the right thing that we didn’t push through the wedding because we couldn’t stand each other after all. On the contrary, it made us realize how much of a right thing that decision was because his stay here proved to us that we do really want to be together and it’s really way different than being apart. Hence, planning out everything, even not the wedding first, is very important. Just so we can be sure that we really will be together soon. We just need to be patient and work on it more seriously now. Because it’s not a thing for kids, really. It requires two adult that understand and know each other well enough to make a long term decision together.

So, I think I’ll just wrap this up now with this.

We’ve been together way longer than how most people get to be in a relationship now. And you know, despite that, I am convinced still that no matter how much that we do feel like we’ve known each other so well already, that’s not really the defining thing that would let us be really together just like how we very much wanted it to be. It’s not that easy, because every single day is every single opportunity also for us to grow into something that would let us be who we want to be as an individual. Our love for each other, it’s not just that that would keep us together. We’re best friends and not just lovers, y’all should know that. And no matter what, we would still care for one another. Hence, y’all should know also that in whatever circumstances, we would always choose the option of making each other the best of who we can be as a two different person. 

We do have plans now. Again, for us, together, for the near future. And yes, I can picture it happening. You know, somehow. But for now, I’m happy that we’re happy just how it is going. We’re not rushing things to get into their places, and I’m glad that we’re letting it be that way. Most importantly, you know what I’m most grateful for? It’s that I have someone who won’t ever fake a dream and give it to me just to make me happy and satisfied. I’m thankful that no matter how hard it is, I have a person, a best friend that would always live in reality with me, supporting me to be the better person that I want to be, and to have everything that I deserve in life. And you what? I wouldn’t want it in any other way.

Always keep in mind, Happiness is not finding the right person, but happiness is being the right person. OKAY?

[ayekanaru]

{Anonymously or not, tell me who you ship my muse with. || Because this all honestly couldn’t fit into one ask and I didn’t want to split it up into multiple ones}

I know you are aware that I ship our muses for a fanfic I’m trying to write, but I’ve kept mention of it to a minimum on my blog because (1) don’t wanna make it seem like I expect something and force you along with it cuz that’s force shipping and that’s no bueno and didn’t want that coming off as my intention for rping because it really wasn’t. A disappointing and toxic roleplay group plus a mighty need to share my Nappa portrayal with Tumblr was (2) Our muses hadn’t interacted much anyways so who knew if they’d get along well enough?

I’ve been enjoying the threads we’ve had together, they’re worth waiting for and I am pleasantly surprised by how the two muses get along as friends. Their social chemistry is better than I expected, and the banter is so entertaining to read and write for both when they get along and when they don’t see eye-to-eye.  

I know your muse already has @asktenchi as an interested Tenchi and they do an awesome job being IC with him. There are also a great number of other muses that Ayeka gets along with too. However, if you and your muse ever feel a pull towards wanting more than friendship with Nappa, I’m gonna let you know that as of right now she’s one of the few muses I’ve had Nappa interact with that has a legitimate chance of sparking his interest for a romantic relationship. It’s alright if you don’t see it ever going down that road, because that can certainly happen too and both my muse and I would be fine with that. But I figured now was a good time to bring it up since this ask meme has had me thinking about this lately.

I know it may seem like a biased thing, but I’ve been lookin’ around at the other muses who try to flirt seriously with Nappa and…it’s difficult to find muses who have mutual chemistry with the big guy. The only one who did have mutual chemistry with him wasn’t interested in shipping at all so we kept it to flirtatious banter. She left Tumblr because she wanted to focus on her family, understandably. That was so many months ago and since then Nappa’s not felt anything like that from another muse.

Other interested female muses only remark on/compliment his physical appearance – mostly his muscles too lol – as what makes them interested. Honestly it makes me and my muse feel like Odette from the beginning of The Swan Princess. “Thank you…but what else?”

Again, I wanna reiterate that I love and value the friendship between our muses and if it only stays a friendship I’d be perfectly happy with that. And I hope I don’t make you feel uncomfortable bringing it up or make you think I will be counting on things to go down a romantic road. Just wanted to say while we do ship Ayeka with happiness and self-confidence first and foremost, we also wouldn’t turn her away from forming a ship with Nappa. 

////

Some things to clear up first: 1) Sydney @nappainanotherdimension​ and I have talked about this on Discord after this ask was sent [because uh, whoops thesis and grad school, I wasn't on tumblr???] so some of this may seem repetitive to her but new to you, dear followers; 2) Nyuck, nyuck, Odette. Who would be Derek then? 2) *Zsa-Zsa Gabor voice* Please. Ze followers. No drama.

Okay, now that this is already pretty long, my answer to this is under the cut. I'm not going to do point by point, bur rather a general full-fledged answer!

I've already told you this, but when I first found your personal blog, and went through your Tenchi tags, I really liked what you had reblogged and written in your personal text posts. It must have been one of the first pro-Ayeka --or at the very least, someone who appreciated Ayeka, because she might have not been your fave, I didn't know lmao-- blogs that had accumulated enough content related to Ayeka and/or Tenchi. I did notice that you, like me, were a fan of the...crossover ships ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

What I found "whadda heck" worthy was that you shipped Nappa with Ayeka! My first thought, to be honest, was "...the bald guy from the Team Four star memes?"

[ I knew of him from DBZ, but since most people my age apparently found out about him and liked him from the TFS videos, I thought maybe that's where your like of him came from? At the time, because now I know better :y ]

I'm the type of person who isn't a shipper hardcore, and for most ships that don't make sense to me initially, I go "okay, well, whatever floats her boat!" XD I did like the pieces of art there were, and I think I liked your Raditz/Mihoshi icon more because yay, somebody also appreciates Mihoshi! XD And they like the buddy cop angle of things? LMAO

But anyway, time passes, we get to chatting and then you say you want to make a blog. Cool! You want to make a blog for Nappa!

Aw, jiminy christmas.

Your worries that I'd think you were force shipping on me were the same as mine. I've seen it enough times on Tumblr that I honestly was surprised I found myself in a situation where that could've been a possibility. I enjoyed your fanfics, even the lemon ones lmao, just because they were funny but also it was me going okay, how does she believe this ship works again?

and lemme tell you, I am the absurdist around here in terms of crossover ships, both platonic and romantic. [We've talked about some others of our own too, nyuck nyuck.] I really wanted to understand because obviously, I supposed we were going to interact and I'd wanted to know how you saw them so I could back the heck away, ignore it, and try to do my thing with Ayeka properly. I didn’t really want to think of the ship when I wrote, I wanted to approach it as if Ayeka really did meet Nappa for the first time or had him enough time as a guest in your DBZ/TM verse.

Half of my worries went away when yay, you weren't going to force ship and wanted to actually interact! Whhhaaat, true build up of characters through rp on Tumblr dot com? The devil, you say!

And like you say, and I agree, the banter has been really fun? Surprisingly not really, Ayeka finally gets some respect in the manner that sometimes she doesn't get lmao. Her attempts at cooking, her own thoughts and views -- not saying everyone in the Masaki house's a jerk [they're not, and listen, Ayeka really does mean stuff too without thinking or on purpose] but you get different things with different people, and with Ayeka, it's probably getting some maturity and two-way respect in conversations befitting two super old people 8D

To be honest, sometimes I get a tinge of the cynic in me, and wonder if the writing turns out the way it does because maaaybe it's being geared towards something else? But then, like, I remember Nappa and Skuld --and Sasami!-- and how believable your headcanon about him and children is, how real it feels. Of course, the fact that you would write with anyone, and even with my Skuld who you know less about in comparison, just makes the cynic go shoo-shoo. You don’t seek out ships either -- like most people will notice if they peruse your blog, the ladies come to Nappa LMAO.

Plus, again, the threads are fun. I'm still laughing at the Xmas one where Nappa thinks Ryoko and Ayeka are the alpha females XD

In that sense, I can see why Ayeka throughout our rps would have a better chance with him. I mean I've seen your threads, it's pretty obvious who Nappa gets a conversation with, who Nappa gets a Conversation with, and who Nappa gets small talk-y with. Sometimes it's the writing, sometimes it's the character. That's the way rp works. Ayeka and Nappa have Conversations.™

I think I didn't really answer your ask as is, so I'll just say this, which applies to everyone: if the writing takes us that way, it takes us that way. I'm slowly beginning to see your crossover ship as it is, but still feel "hmm, but is it really?" It's like Ayeka and Fang: I didn't expect it, but the writing took those muses to some place along the lines of "are they...or are they???!" I would hope the end result takes us somewhere where we’re both satisfied with whatever relationship our muses have.

Or maybe you know, either polyamory polygyny or Nappa fights Tenchi, I guess. [I vote for the Pay Per View fight during the Space Travels arc of Universe.]

[whatstruthgottodowithit]

Conflicted (Part 3)

Fandom: RPF, American Actor, Marvel 

Pairing: Chris Evans x Female Reader

Characters: Chris Evans, Female Reader, Anthony Mackie

Word Count: 1710 // Rating: Mature

Warnings: none

Summary:  Reader is the new girl in town. But will Chris be friend or foe?

Note: this will be multiple parts, i was going to do it about another person but i’ve chosen to do this about Chris 

PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11, EPILOGUE

I have absolutely no idea what prompt to give you as a request but I really loved “just a fling” so maybe something with chris e again? Maybe Christmas or holiday related? Or on the flip side they get to know each other more (maybe didn’t originally like each other) become bffs then the relationship (which probably won’t be holiday related lol)? Really, just preferably something with a happy ending lol. Fluff, angst, smut, all or whatever really doesn’t matter to me. I’m just throwing things out there so I’m not completely useless lol.

Thanks!! I love your writing!

Chris couldn’t sleep. The events of the day spun around and around in his head as he lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling. He couldn’t believe what had unfolded. He lay in bed with a feeling of dread for the next day, a knot in his stomach. It’s not that he regretted what had happened, quite the contrary he had enjoyed himself a lot. But he didn’t know where to go from here.

Was Y/N cute? Of course.

Did he enjoy spending time with her? Definitely.

Was he attracted to her? No doubt.

But could he see himself starting a relationship with her? He wasn’t so sure. It’s not that he didn’t want to it was just that there were a multitude of cons going against starting something up. Number one being age. She was only 21, and sure she was mature for her age but there was quite a leap from being 21 to being 35. He was sure that 15 years was too big of a gap, even if they had anything in common, they were surely in completely different places in their life. Not to mention the fact she was completely new in the business. She had the rest of her career to go and he’d hate for her to get any negativity this early on just because they were dating. Chris honestly didn’t know what to do. If only he’d held back, taken it slow and so he could weigh up the pros and cons before making a move. But then he remembered the way she’d been looking at him when he’d kissed her and could suddenly feel his pulse quicken.

‘At least if I’ve made a mess of things I enjoyed myself,’ Chris thought as he flipped onto his side and begged sleep to take him. 

When the alarm went off at 5:30 am Y/N rose in a zombified slumber and padded through her apartment to the bathroom where she turned the shower on and waited for the water to warm up. She was unbelievably tired and the evidence lay clear on her face. Her eyes had dark bags beneath them and were considerably less wide than usual. Her face was pale in the harsh bathroom light and the more she looked at herself the more annoyed she became. It wasn’t her fault she was so tired. She had gone to bed with the best of intentions hoping that she would be able to fall asleep quickly and not have to dwell on what happened. As expected that was not what happened. She had lain awake, unable to stop thinking of anything else. The way he’d looked at her, the way he’d kissed her made her melt. She had had the biggest crush on him since they had met and she couldn’t believe that he might actually like her back. They hadn’t talked about it, not properly. And when he had brought it up before they’d had sex they had both laughed it off. But surely there must be something there for them to do it? Right? Y/N wasn’t sure. She thought Chris must like her, he seemed to. But lying there at night with nothing but your own thoughts leaves room for self-doubt and there was a niggle at the back of her mind that Chris didn’t feel the same way, that he’d think she was easy now. That he wouldn’t care. That’s what had kept her up all night.  

She took all of twenty minutes to get ready and threw on jeans and a hoodie before sitting on her couch awaiting the tell-tale buzzer noise that signalled her car’s arrival. It echoed out and Y/N collected her bag before heading to the door and downstairs outside into the cold morning air. A black SUV was idling on the curb waiting for her to climb in. She did so and found the back seat empty. Usually, Chris was sitting in the seat next to her. Over the past few weeks it had become sort of a game, they’d both rush down in the morning and first to the car wins. The truth was that Y/N had been letting him win. She tried not to show her disappointment on her face as she bid the driver, Cliff, good morning. He greeted her and pulled away from the pavement soon after.

‘Where’s Chris?’ she asked nonchalantly.

‘He took an earlier car into the studio, he had some work-outs to do this morning. He’s got a big fight scene or something coming up.’

‘Oh,’ she said her voice meek.

‘Yeah,’ Cliff chuckled, ‘If you ask me he’s probably got a shirtless scene today.’

‘You think?’ she giggled her thoughts distracted from her problems.

‘Yeah, he always goes in extra early on those days. Get his abs ready for the world to see,’ Cliff’s laugh was low but loud and Y/N couldn’t help but find herself laughing along with him. Of course, that made sense, he wasn’t avoiding her. That would be ridiculous, they were grownups after all. 

She arrived at the studios shortly after and was instantly whisked into hair and make-up where she found herself chatting to her stylists about her weekend, though she omitted the extra-curricular she’d gotten into after the game. Once out of hair and make-up she was straight into shooting scenes.

Her workday was hectic. She was in scene after scene without a break. It was gruelling shooting scenes alone so she was grateful when she was joined by her cast mates just after lunch.  The afternoon was uneventful. What had transpired between Y/N and Chris yesterday had evidently not become common knowledge a fact that she was very grateful of. Chris seemed normal. He was just as chatty, nice and flirty as he had been in previous days and Y/N’s heart soared at the fact. She wasn’t overreacting, he liked her.

Her last scene of the day ended at six o’clock and Y/N headed to her trailer to collect the rest of her things. She had just put the last of the belongings into her bag when there was a tap at the door.

‘Come in,’ she shouted and though her back was to the door she heard it's distinct open and shutting noise.

‘Hey,’ Chris mumbled behind her and she turned to greet him.

‘Hey,’ she replied before an awkward silence fell upon them and Y/N shuffled to move the rest of her things into her bag.

‘I erm, enjoyed myself yesterday,’ she said looking up at him with a cheeky grin which made him chuckle.

‘Me too.’

 ‘You did?’ she asked though her mind was somewhat disbelievingly.

‘Yeah,’ he said, ‘But I need to talk to you a minute.’

‘Okay,’ she smiled as Chris moved towards her. He was standing less than a foot away now, so close she could smell his strong aftershave roll off him as he moved. Chris looked down at her Y/E/C eyes looking up at him, large and doe-like. He felt one side of his mouth tugging up into a smile as he reached up to move a strand of hair from her face. He could do this, he’d thought about what to say all night. Y/N’s pulse quickened, having him so close brought memories of last night to the front of her mind and she was overcome, leaning up so she could kiss him again.

‘Y/N, we can’t,’ Chris said though his voice was barely more than a whisper. Y/N’s eyes snapped open taking in his face which was now pained with embarrassment, whether it was his own or for her she didn’t know. Mortified she pulled away, trying to push the embarrassment down into her soul.

‘Look it’s not you,’ Chris said grabbing her wrist so she couldn’t hide her face from him, ‘you’re great. Honestly and if the timings were a bit different maybe we could but-’

‘No, it’s okay… I get it,’ Y/N muttered, yanking her wrist out of his slackened grip and moving to stuff the rest of her things into her bag so her back was to him.

‘Y/N please don’t take it the wrong way.’

‘What that I just threw myself at you like some kind of idiot and you aren’t interested?’ she scoffed.

‘It’s not that. Look you’re funny, attractive, nice – the whole package. But you’re 21. 15 years is a big difference in age,’ Chris said as if this explained everything. Anger bubbled in Y/N’s stomach as she turned to face him.

‘Yeah if I were 12. But I’m not I’m 21, a grown-up. More than capable of deciding who I want to sleep with.’

‘I know but you’re young. You’re new to the business. Look I just don’t want any relationship you have with me to impact you for the rest of your career. You’re talented but you’re just starting out and I don’t want anyone to have any reason to doubt your talents because you slept with one of your co-stars.’

Y/N didn’t say anything. She wanted to scream, tell him that whatever his fans or the public thought didn’t dictate her life. That she should be the one to decide whether or not she dated someone. But she didn’t. She was hurting and her heart ached. The longing, the embarrassment, the anger at him were all bubbling in her chest but she didn’t have the fight in her. She just wanted him to go. Leave her to stew in her feelings.

‘You’re right. Let’s just draw a line under it,’ she said. Chris’ face was unsure but he nodded and smiled at her broadly.

‘Thanks Y/N, you’re a star,’ he said pulling her into a hug, his bulging arms wrapping around her tightly. She could feel a lump in her throat, tears welling in her eyes and so she pulled out of it, keeping her face out of his eye line and went to collect her bag.

‘Yeah,’ she muttered, ‘look I’ve gotta go. My car is- ‘

‘Sure, sure,’ Chris said, ‘I’ll err see you tomorrow.'

And with that he disappeared out of the door, letting it shut gently behind him. Y/N flopped onto the couch with a sigh.

’12 more weeks of shooting, that’s not going to be awkward at all,’ she muttered.