#which neither of those are remotely ethical

[wolvebonez]

theres no ethical way to own exotic pets btw 👍👍

[geminimoon14]

In Our Code AU Part 2: Family Shenanigans

Read on: AO3

Sun’s family would swear up and down that he seemed to attract more trouble than them all - including the twins. Sun thinks they’re all liars. Neither side of the argument was necessarily wrong.

After a while of Moon and Killcode being stuck together, Lunar was the one who asked why they couldn’t just make Killcode a body. Moon tried to say something about not being sure that it was something Killcode wanted. Killcode immediately agreed with Lunar’s suggestion as long as he got some say in its appearance.

With no real reason to object - both Killcode and the twins had found an ethical food source - Moon started construction. He estimated it would take a while but with some nanites and some late nights working over time - which Sun vetoed and threatened to sic the twins on him - it would be no big hassle. The main issue was Eclipse and the Creator.

Neither had been seen in weeks, except for the nice Eclipse Lunar liked visiting, and it usually meant trouble was brewing. 

During the construction, the twins volunteered to guard the daycare from outside during active hours. Moon would focus on building while Sun and Lunar did their normal routine. When Sun was distracted after the agreement, Lunar was secretly designated Sun’s bodyguard. They all decided it was best to keep Lunar’s job a secret or risk Sun rebelling.

His siblings did not think Sun was incapable, not in the least, but they hated seeing him hurt. Sun was quite clever, as demonstrated by his idea to get the twins a remote controlled car so that they could get some of their energy out. It seemed silly at first but the twins were eager when they realised Sun had attached an almost raw piece of meat to it.

(After that, it wasn’t strange to see the twins chasing after a remote controlled device after hours. One particular night, they had convinced Sun to use a drone which led to a particular incident* none of them wanted to repeat.)

While waiting on a new body, they decided to put Killcode inside the computer. He had suggested it himself, stating that he wanted a way to look over them all and being in the computer would allow him to reach out if danger showed up.

On one particular occasion, Killcode got to enjoy both saving one of his boys and using Moon’s arsenal.

It was after the daycare had closed and Sun was going through his nightly routine when a security alert went out.

Sun could hear the alarm just fine but the communication of where the intruder was going came out fuzzy. Sun was at the security desk listening when he heard a couple voices by the entrance. 

There was no chance for him to investigate as someone barreled into the daycare and him. Sun, not prepared for an adult to charge him, went down with flailing limbs. The person on top scrambled off of him and reached for his waist. 

Sun’s code went cold as he noticed the firearm at the intruder’s side. A second one rushed in and ordered, “Get those damn doors shut! They’re right behind us!”

The first intruder pointed their gun at Sun and gestured for him to move. While he was made of metal, Sun was not bulletproof and getting shot could be just as dangerous for him as it is for a human. Hands raised in surrender, Sun slowly walked towards the doors. The second intruder pointed to the door, “Get on with it!”

Sun could see a couple security bots coming towards the door and closed it when he saw that they had seen him. 

Once the doors were shut, Sun found himself wishing he had slipped through the doors but he was programmed to stay in the daycare when security alerts went out.

Alone with the intruders, Sun found himself hoping that Killcode would send an alert to Moon. The one with a gun pointed at Sun waved him away from the door and commanded, “Move back, it would be a shame if we had to shut you down.”

Heeding the not-so-subtle threat, Sun moved closer to the center of the daycare. The second intruder seemed a little nervous as they ordered, “Tell it to sit down and keep your eyes on it. I don’t want that freaky clown thing fighting back.”

The one with the gun gestured for Sun to sit as they watched the animatronic for any weird movements.

About that time, there was a loud bang at the door as a familiar voice called out, “SUN! ARE YOU OKAY?! ANSWER ME!”

Sun winced at Moon’s frantic attempts to get in, noting how the intruders tensed. The first intruder tightened their grip on the gun as Moon called out, “If he doesn’t answer I’m busting in there!”

The second intruder, noticeably more jittery than before, told Sun, “Answer the damn thing.”

Sun, afraid that his brother might get hurt if he burst in, called back, “I-I’m okay, Moon. No one’s done anything yet!”

“I swear if even a single part of him is hurt I will haunt your nightmares!”

The second intruder, still shaking, warned, “If you go busting in here, first thing we’re gonna do is plant a bullet in this freak’s head! So don’t try anything!”

When the alert went out, Killcode had been monitoring the daycare’s perimeter while the twins were on a hunt. Because he had been watching the cameras, Killcode noticed the intruders stumbling into Sun and heard the threats they made. 

While he had taken an oath to not kill, when a gun was turned on Sun, Killcode found himself facing the familiar urge to protect; the code screaming for him to do something. He found the wire, hardly used anymore due to Moon’s teleportation, and started working.

Moon was already at the door, pounding on the door as hard as he could, the sound masking the movement of the wire. 

Killcode waited until he heard Sun call back that he was okay before slowly lowering the wire down. 

He managed to get the wire down close to Sun when one of the intruders rounded on the solar animatronic. 

Sun flinched as the gun was pointed back at him and Intruder One demanded, “What are you up to, freak!”

“N-Nothing! I’m not doing anything,” Sun winced as they scoffed, “I’m just standing here!”

There was a quiet click as something latched shut around the loop on Sun’s back.

The intruders turned their attention fully to Sun as Intruder Two ordered his partner, “Shoot it! It’s trying to make a run for it!”

There was a loud whir as the wire went taut and dragged Sun up towards the balcony. The solar animatronic yelped as he was carried away from the intruders but not before they managed to get a shot off.

The daycare’s defense system activated at the sound of the shot and Sun screaming. 

Outside, Moon heard things kicking off and shot towards the teleportation pad. He hit the button just as the intercom activated and Killcode’s voice growled, “Move and I end your insignificant lives. Security will arrive soon. Be thankful I keep my promises or you’d already be dead.”

Moon, already prepared for a fight, was not prepared for Sun to come barreling into him. They both screamed as they collapsed on top of each other which made the wire tangle in their struggle.

Moon was able to get free first but not without yanking on the wire a few times in the process. Everytime he did, Sun would yelp and tell him to stop pulling so hard. 

Moon nearly snapped at him a few times but a look of teary-eyed pain stopped him each time. He’d sworn to be kinder and not repeat his mistakes (something all of his family would call him out on).

Moon was especially glad when he got loose and looked over his brother. Oil leaked from a cracked opening on Sun’s side. A piece of his casing was missing, the delicate inner mechanisms exposed but still functioning.

Immediately, Moon was grabbing a rag from the floor and pressing it against Sun’s wound. His brother hissed in pain as Moon soothed, “I know, I know, it’s gonna hurt until I can get my hands on my tools. I need to stop some of the leaking before I can start.”

Sun let out a quiet whimper and asked, “Is it bad?”

Moon’s first instinct was to lie but Monty (if you could believe it) warned him that lying about serious stuff was going to make everything worse. Instead, he sighed and answered, “It’s pretty bad but not as bad as it could be. I’m gonna fix this but for now I need you to stay calm.” 

Sun nodded weakly, still nervous but Moon could see him trying to calm down, and stated, “I-I’ll try to relax. Anything else you need me to do?”

Moon podded the opening and sighed, “I’m gonna need to cut off the flow so I can get a good look at it. You may have to power down for a bit.”

Sun, trembling slightly, nodded. Moon moved a hand away from the opening and placed it on his shoulder as he whispered, “You’re gonna be okay. We got the guys that did this and they’re gonna pay. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Good,” Moon leaned his brother back against a couch, “Let’s get this started. Computer, start monitoring Sun’s vitals while I work.”

The computer let out an affirmative noise and Sun powered down. Carefully, Moon guided his brother’s limp form to the floor and he began to work.

 About halfway through repairs, Killcode reported, “Security took the vermin into custody. How’s our Sunshine?”

Moon growled as he replaced the tubing that had been leaking profusely and answered, “Stable. In pain, probably. Lucky they didn’t hit anything too important.”

There was a hum as Killcode asked, “How long until my body is complete?”

Moon grunted as he attached the part, “Like a day or two more. Why?”

“I wish to hold Sun. This encounter has disturbed me.”

“You and me both KC.”

“KC? A nickname?”

“You’ve earned it. Do the others know about this yet?”

“I alerted the twins when the alert first went out. Lunar was with them. They wished to show the little one something. I didn’t ask for details.”

“Good news,” Moon pulled his hands out of his brother’s body, “repairs are just about done, just need a new casing and he’s all set.”

When the twins finally arrived with Lunar in tow, Moon had already cleaned up. Sun was resting on the couch, charging, still powered down as Moon explained what happened. The only thing that kept the trio from storming out was that Killcode had access to the security system and threatened to use it if they left their brother. Grudgingly, they settled in with their unconscious brother and whispered about how they wanted Killcode’s body to be done so he couldn’t trap them so easily.

***********************************************

Since Killcode had chased him off, the Creator had been fairly quiet. At the very least, he was smart enough to not approach them directly while Killcode and Moon were present. 

Bloodmoon had been on a hunt, partially fed, and looking for their next meal when an unfortunately familiar voice commented, “Magnificent kill.”

Bloodmoon whirled around, eyes narrowing at the sight of a familiar gray doll. The twins let out a low growl as the Creator told them, “Oh do stop that. It’s not as if I’ve come to hurt you.”

Huffing, they remarked, “Doesn’t matter. You’ve proved a threat already.”

With either great confidence or utter arrogance, the Creator approached them. On guard and highly offended at his impertinence they kept their distance.

The Creator seemed to not really care as he announced, “I’m only here to deliver something before you return.”

Bloodmoon tensed as the doll threw itself at them, creating literal sparks through the contact, and something invaded their system. 

With a cry, they collapsed in the dirt, writhing and screaming as the foreign code tore through their systems. Even with the taste of a recent kill still in their mouth, their stomach seemed to grow empty and their want for blood turned into an all consuming need. 

Their nanites pulsed, contorting their body to the new code’s specifications. 

Claws sharpened. 

Teeth lengthened. 

Their body grew slightly larger.

They pulled themselves onto their hands and feet, a low growl rumbling from their chest as they lost themselves in their new desire.

The Creator hummed approvingly, their new form perfect for his plans. With a flat tone, he commanded, “Hunt.”

The twisted form roared and sped off towards its hosts’ home. The two minds trapped beneath the code’s purpose screamed and fought as they realised its goal.

Sun was once more cleaning the daycare while Lunar played upstairs with their new game and beanbag - being on best behavior had its perks. Normally, the computer would be monitoring any incoming threats or entities but Killcode was in the final stages of transferring to his new body.

Unfortunately, this meant that when something burst through the metal security door to the pickup area, there was only a few seconds to react.

Sun heard the shredding of metal, a roar, and the heavy tread of something rapidly approaching.

He had just enough time to turn towards the sound before he was pinned to the padded floor of the daycare. With a shriek, Sun was pressed against the mat, arms pinned beneath clawed hands as they flailed uselessly. 

He barely heard Lunar’s concerned shout as the face above him came into view. Sun let out a small gasp as he recognised the face above him. Red eyes widened in fear and their face crumpled up in pain as they gasped, “Sun! Run! Please!”

Sun squirmed, trying to use his legs to push his siblings off as they pressed on top of him. Their new form twitched as their eyes betrayed how hard they were fighting for control. 

The code pressed on as it forced the head lower, fangs bared in hunger, and eyes fixed on its prey.

“GET OFF MY BROTHER!”

Weight vanishing from his body, Sun curled into a ball on the floor. Shaking, he covered his face as the creature controlling his siblings growled. 

A new presence hovered over him and returned the growl. Chancing a look, Sun peered up and exclaimed, “Lunar?!”

Lunar had heard the crash and paused their game. Immediately, they called out for Sun (Moon was with Killcode during the download and Bloodmoon was out hunting) and heard a scream.

As soon as they got to the balcony, they saw the creature on top of their brother ready to kill. Without thinking, they were leaping into the pit, body shifting, and hurtling towards the threat.

Bloodmoon had been practicing with Lunar. After Eclipse had gotten his hands on Sun, the twins started to teach Lunar how to protect themself. 

As the only other animatronic with a nanite body, Bloodmoon had shown them how to push their form into something bigger. Over the last few weeks, they had been practicing how to picture the form they wanted and turn it into reality. 

Lunar had definitely made themselves bigger. They often enjoyed their shadow form and their new form drew inspiration from it. Towering over any of their siblings and crouched on their haunches, Lunar’s feline form sheltered Sun.

Lunar’s sleek tail lashed as they spat, “I don’t know what you are but you’re not touching him!”

Sun untucked himself a bit and called out, “Lunar, wait! It’s Bloodmoon; something’s wrong with them!”

Lunar turned their glowing eyes towards the creature, disbelief in their eyes. They, much like Sun, met the creature’s gaze as the twins croaked, “You must stop us! Please!”

Lunar whined as they put themself between Sun and their corrupted sibling. Eyes pinned on the twins’ twisted form, Lunar ordered, “Get Moon. I’ll keep’em busy. Go!”

Sun shuffled towards the door and the creature pounced. Sun shrieked as the twins were knocked away from him again and Lunar roared, “GO! NOW!”

Sun stumbled a few times as he sprinted towards the teleportation pad. Behind him he could hear his siblings crying out in pain and desperate pleas for help.

When Sun finally teleported into their space, he almost fell in his haste to get down, screaming, “MOON?! MOON! HELP!”

“-!? -un!? Sun!?”

Barely aware of hands on his shoulder, Sun was turned so that he was looking into his brother’s worried gaze. 

Gasping Sun managed to stutter, “Lun-Lunar! B-Bloodmoon! I-It’s bad, it’s bad! They, they-!”

He was pulled against his brother’s chest as another voice rumbled, “Calm yourself. I will handle this.”

Through blurred vision, Sun saw a very familiar tall form. Apparently, Killcode’s body, though shorter than it had been, reflected the form he’d taken in the mindscape. With just a few strides, Killcode was already gone. 

There was still roaring and growls that managed to be heard from the safety of Moon’s room. Moon was focused entirely on soothing his brother as he sobbed and wheezed. 

Thankfully, Moon was willing to learn from the past and started guiding his brother through some grounding exercises. It only took a moment or two before Sun was calm enough to explain what he knew.

Moon dragged his comforter off his bed and wrapped it around Sun. A little confused, Sun watched Moon pull away to grab a stuffed version of himself. He shoved it into Sun’s hands as he whispered, “I’m going to fix our brothers, okay. If you start getting scared, just give me a squeeze.”

He demonstrated by covering Sun’s hands with his own and gently squeezed the plush toy. Sun let out a choked laugh and nodded as his brother slowly pulled away. Before leaving, Moon ordered, “Computer, if he needs me tell me. Immediately.”

“Understood.”

With a small wave, and a brief, “I’ll be right back,” Moon left.

With Sun safely tucked away in his room, Moon looked for his other family members. 

The fight was ugly. He watched as a shadowy form and Killcode attempted to subdue a red animatronic that was practically foaming at the mouth. 

Moon cursed under his breath and leaped into the ballpit. As he waded out he shouted, “Who’re we taking down?!”

Killcode pinned a flailing arm down and answered, “Bloodmoon’s code has been altered! They’re not in control of their body!”

Moon felt his mind freeze as his body moved towards the feral, screaming creature that his brother had become. 

The fury that surged through his frame allowed him to approach the scrabbling form. As the twins’ body jerked to the side and rolled over, Moon hauled himself onto its back and wrapped his legs around its neck.

It bucked in an attempt to get him off but Killcode and Lunar managed to grab hold of its arms and pin it back onto the floor.

Cursing the whole time, Moon plugged into Bloodmoon’s head.

Their mindscape was flooded in a black ichor as far as the eye could see.

Buried under what had to be the code savaging their system, the twins’ hands just managed to reach out, desperate for help. 

Moon trudged towards them, grabbed both hands, and pulled. Their faces broke through the surface, coughing and spluttering, and frantically grabbing hold of their rescuer. Moon placed their hands on his shoulders as he reached down and, arms wrapped around each twin, gave another yank.

The code tried to pull itself back over them but now that they had an opportunity, their protective code and rage at being used started to clear the ichor away. 

Still clinging to their older sibling, Harvest and Bloody poured their all into purging the invasive code from their system. Moon held his footing as the ichor drained away, somehow it shrieked, and held his siblings close to his chest.

When everything looked cleaner, Moon pulled away and told them, “Nice. We’ll be waiting for you guys out there. I think you got it from here.”

Before he left, two different hands grasped his wrists and two voices asked, “Is Sun okay? Please tell us we weren’t too late.”

Moon gave them a quick hug as he assured them, “He’s safe. I’ll bet he wants to make sure you two are okay though, so let’s go back.”

As he pulled away and out of the mindscape, he saw the sky pulse with a soft blue light and heard them sigh in relief.

As moon blinked his eyes open, he saw Lunar back to normal and Killcode cradling him and Bloodmoon - thankfully returned to normal.

With a loud groan, he lifted his head and struggled to his feet. Killcode offered some help as Moon declared, “Hate, hate, hate that! My head’s still kinda sore.”

A little woozy from forcing himself into the twins’ mindscape, Moon only just noticed a familiar gold and yellow shape by the security desk. Sun still had the Moon plush in his hands as he asked, “Are… Are they okay?”

The twins were already shifting and opening their eyes when he asked the question. Moon chuckled as he answered, “Why don’t you ask them yourself?”

Spotting that the twins were awake, Sun rushed over to them and nearly crashed into them.

The twins eyed Sun nervously as they asked, “You are okay? We didn’t hurt you?”

Sun’s eyes, previously clear, teared up as he wailed, “I was so worried about you two! I’m okay. You didn’t hurt me. Are you two hurt?! The others had to pin you down and-!”

Killcode cut in, “We should all rest. Today has been… a lot.”

Sun wrapped the twins in a hug as Killcode offered to carry them all and agreed. Lunar, small again, climbed onto Killcode’s back while Sun held the twins in his arms. Killcode stood up with no difficulty and grabbed Moon as well, setting him on top of the twins and Sun. 

Feeling awkward because of the sudden closeness, Moon grumbled but didn’t squirm. Sun laughed and settled in as they all headed towards the teleportation pad. Worn out from the day’s ordeal, Moon started to power off and mumbled, “We’re closed tomorrow, I don’t give a shit!”

Sun’s agreement came with an outraged, “Language!” This caused all his brothers to start rattling off every curse word they could think of to see who could get Sun to shriek the loudest. Moon faded out just after Killcode scolded them for antagonising their brother. Their apologies lacked sincerity but the warmth of them all cuddling on the impromptu nest they made was absolutely real.

***********************************************

Lunar became more clingy after what happened to the twins. Bloodmoon was rather proud of their youngest sibling (even if the situation sucked for them) for defending Sun. They handled their new form really well for their first time. 

Because it was their first time using it, there were still a few lingering changes surfacing even after they returned to their usual form.

At times, Lunar’s struggle to focus became worse. Shiny objects, quick movements, and sudden noises were twice as distracting than before. If any of his brothers left the daycare, he would become restless. Until they returned, he would pace and hover anxiously near the closest relative. When they finally did return, Lunar would cling to them like a barnacle to a ship for the next day.

Lunar also struggled with features from their newest form randomly surfacing. 

On one occasion they had scared both Sun and Moon one night with their glowing eyes and teeth. 

Another night, they had managed to sneak up on Bloody and sent them scrabbling like a cat through the space above the daycare. 

Killcode had even witnessed Lunar’s tail reappear just to express annoyance when a parent demanded a refund after their child had spent the day terrorising everyone. Killcode had to signal Sun to intervene when their claws had surfaced and started flexing them.

It wasn’t until after an incident with the portal that the family intervened. 

Bloodmoon had been playing with the settings on the computer while Lunar helped Sun after hours. Lunar had just gotten Sun to take a break, pulling the barrel away so that he could practice, when there was a flash of light.

Before Sun could ask what had happened, something coiled around his middle and he was lifted into the air with a scream. Lunar grabbed one of Sun’s hands as a black tendril waved him around. Moon rushed in at the ruckus and was snatched into the air.

While whatever had them waved them about, Moon shouted, “TURN IT OFF!”

The twins peered over the balcony at the chaos and split apart. Harvest ran for the controls as Bloody leapt into the fray.

Moon was cursing as a toothy maw pushed through the portal and the tendril holding him lowered.

Lunar had partially shifted and was trying to pull Sun free when the latter screamed, “MOON!”

Lunar’s head spun so fast that if they were organic their neck would have snapped. Moon struggled, spitting curses and kicking his feet uselessly. He looked towards his brothers and called out, “I can’t get loose! I-I can’t get away!”

Bloody slid down a nearby tendril, narrowly dodging being grabbed themself, and clasped their free hand around one of Moon’s. 

The creature growled as it tried to pull Moon closer and Bloody strained to keep his older brother from the gruesome outcome. Moon used his other hand to reinforce his grip on Bloody as the latter hollered, “The time to act is soon, unless you want it to eat dear Moon!”

Bloody’s arm trembled with the effort to keep the creature from succeeding and their anchored arm was slowly being pulled away. 

Apparently a little intelligent, the creature began to lower Sun as well. 

Sun shrieked as he and Lunar were pulled towards the creature’s mouth. Sun tried beating on the tendril with his only free arm as Lunar grabbed Sun and pulled.

The shadows on their face deepened and spread as their form grew bigger. Claws dug into the tendril and ripped.

With a shriek, the creature’s grip went slack and Sun plummeted towards the gaping maw. 

Before he fell too far, a gray and white hand wrapped around his wrist. Sun gasped as the hand hauled him towards a broad chest, guiding his arms around their neck. 

Once sure Sun was holding on, Killcode leapt towards Bloody and Moon.

Lunar’s new form tore at the tendril they had sunk claws into, causing the creature to flail wildly as several tendrils were redirected to getting them off.

Moon was dropped like Sun had except Bloody had a strong grip on him before he fell. It was only because KIllcode had arrived that he didn’t try to fight Bloody pulling him onto their back. 

Arms and legs around Bloody’s neck and legs, Moon shouted, “LUNAR! GET OUT OF THERE!”

Deaf to their brother’s call and lost to their anger, Lunar continued their attack. 

Moon pointed to their youngest sibling, “They’re not listening! We need to get’em out of there!”

He could feel the tremble of Bloody’s body as they prepared to leap down to help. Instead, Killcode barked, “Get yourselves out of here! We’ll retrieve our youngest!”

Moon tried to object but Bloody was already in motion. Before Moon knew it, they were weightless in the air before tumbling onto the foam mats of the daycare. 

“Hold tight, Sunshine. This will be difficult.”

Sun held on for dear life as Killcode launched them towards Lunar. 

Their youngest family member was tearing into their attacker with a ferocity that Sun had never seen from them. 

It wasn’t until they got closer that he realised Lunar wasn’t the one in control. Instead of the light blue, bordering-on-white, glow there was a deep red that clashed with Lunar’s normal coloring. 

Killcode crept close, avoiding attacking tendrils and Lunar’s blind attacks, and grabbed at them. 

Lunar growled and shifted away, fangs bared. 

Killcode tried to get closer but hesitated as Lunar’s form crouched in preparation. Their tail lashed and a low hiss escaped closed teeth. 

Sun watched Killcode struggle to approach, worried, and barely caught sight of a tendril poised to strike. 

Partially letting go, Sun reached towards his youngest brother and screamed, “LOOK OUT!”

Lunar’s eyes flashed back to white as they dodged. Killcode stumbled from the impact, barely getting an arm around Sun’s back before he fell.

Sun watched Lunar shake their head as their glow flickered from red to pale blue. A realisation slowly dawned on Sun as they watched Lunar struggle.

He looked up at Killcode nervously as the taller animatronic weaved through the flailing limbs. With a wince, Sun declared, “Sorry, about this. It’s really stupid but I can’t let you stop me.”

Killcode only had a second to process his words as Sun yelled, “LUNAR!”

Their head turned towards the noise as Sun let go of Killcode and fell.

Something took hold of them, screaming and pulling them to their brother. Lunar galloped down the creature’s limbs, eyes turning blue, and vaulted to another tendril.

Midair, Sun had closed his eyes and waited for his fall to stop one way or another. He heard the heavy gait as Lunar approached and only let out a small gasp as something snatched his neck ruffle. 

Lunar carried him away from the mouth, climbing and dodging flailing limbs. 

Seeing the Lunar escaping, KIllcode followed their lead and yelled, “You must close it now! We can’t keep this up forever!”

It came to an end as quickly as it began.

One moment Lunar and Killcode were running up the tendrils trying to pull them in, the next, they were falling into the ballpit with the remaining tendrils. 

Thankfully they were already dissolving by the time Killcode and Lunar came out, saving Sun the stress of cleaning it out. 

Lunar approached their family, teeth firmly clamped on Sun’s ruffle with a sheepish brother attached. Killcode shot him a blank stare as he scolded, “Using yourself as bait for your brother is not an acceptable plan.”

Sun let out a weak chuckle and quietly offered, “I’ll try not to do it again? At least it worked. Lunar wouldn’t let me get hurt.”

Moon’s eyes went wide and snapped, “Sun did what?!”

Bloody crossed their arms as they chided, “Never again, Sun. Losing a brother is never fun.”

Sun curled into himself further (a feat considering he already reassembled a scruffed kitten) as he mumbled, “I’m sorry. I just wanted to get Lunar out of there.”

Attention was suddenly turned on the giant, shadowy, cat-like creature that had yet to release Sun.

Killcode approached slowly, remembering the animosity from before, and coaxed, “We’re safe now, Lunar. Can you let your brother go?”

There was a tense pause as no signs of a response came. Then Lunar walked towards the door. 

Moon followed, calling out their name, and watched as their youngest brother bounded upstairs towards their room. Bloody and Killcode followed the rest as Sun tried convincing Lunar to put him down.

Once Moon caught on and pressed the teleport button for Lunar, they jumped down and settled on the floor. 

Lunar tucked Sun against their chest and let out a rumbling purr. Sun spluttered as he was shoved against the thick fur and a rough tongue pressed against his face.

Moon walked over (whether to laugh or help was unclear) but as soon as he was in range, Lunar caught him too. At the subsequent yelp, Harvest came to investigate.

By the time Killcode and Bloody arrived, the rest of their family was trapped against Lunar’s furry form. 

Their tail was wrapped around Harvest and holding them against Lunar’s side. Sun had given up struggling and allowed himself to be pinned by a heavy head on his lap. Moon refused to surrender and was currently being groomed against his will by a large pink tongue.

Killcode pinched the non-existent bridge of his nose and groaned. Bloody smugly watched their twin try to wriggle free and smirked, “Need help?”

Harvest flipped them off and demanded, “Try to reach them. They might be stuck.”

Bloody snickered but made their way to Lunar’s front.

Moon was flopped over one large paw and glaring at the space in front of him when Bloody sat on the floor, just out of reach. Lunar noticed the movement and lifted their head, ears swiveling forward.

Bloody made eye contact and crooned, “Time to come back, little one, the danger is done.”

Lunar whined, eyes twitching as though struggling with an invisible pest. Bloody recognised the expression, one they’d seen on their twin, and reassured, “I know it can be difficult to change but we need you back. We need to discuss this latest attack.”

 Slowly, like wading into cold waters, the extra features melted away and left Lunar’s usual form behind.

Sun patted their head as they hunched their shoulders and refused to meet anyone’s gaze. Moon got off the floor with a groan and rolled his shoulders. Harvest started brushing fur off their pants and mumbled, “Not bad for a second use.”

Pulling Lunar into his lap, Sun offered, “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Not really,” they shrugged, “but I guess we should.”

Bloody hummed, nodding in agreement.

“Losing control isn’t unusual. We-” they gestured to themself and Harvest, “-have lost ourselves to new forms before.”

Moon scooted over, pressing against Sun’s side in a rare show of affection, and explained, “We’re just worried because you’re usually pretty good at controlling it. What happened?”

There was no accusation in his voice but they flinched all the same. They huffed and reluctantly tried to describe what they could recall.

“I remember trying to pull Sun out. Moon nearly got ate-” 

“Eaten.”

“Ate,” they reaffirmed, “ and then we were being pulled down too.”

Lunar looked at their hands like they weren’t quite theirs, “I know I wasn’t like normal but I was still in control until you guys were in danger. Then everything went red.”

Sun rested his head on top of theirs as they finished, “Next thing I know, Sun’s falling and I grabbed him.”

Harvest and Bloody hadn’t moved or commented during their explanation. When Lunar finished, they shared a look with their twin and revealed, “Sometimes, the nanites will react to your emotions. Usually it helps when you’re in danger, but- it can also leave you vulnerable.”

Each twin took one of Lunar’s hands as they continued, “You have to learn to control it or else- something like this will happen again,”

Lunar’s eyes took on a wet sheen as the information sunk in. They let out a wet hiccup and rubbed their face as Sun pulled Lunar against his chest. 

The weight of his larger hands on their back forced a cry from their mouth. 

That’s all Sun needed. 

He started rocking them and gently hushed their cries with soft reassurances that it would be alright. They responded by clinging to him and letting out long wails. Sun simply continued rubbing circles on their back as Moon fetched their favorite blanket and Killcode grabbed Spigot.

When the other’s returned, Sun expertly bundled their youngest and handed them their stuffed reindeer. He didn’t stop the rocking motion as he switched from words to singing in low tones to humming.

Eventually, they calmed down enough to notice that the lights had been dimmed and they had moved onto the couch. The twins were merged again and playing on their switch quietly. Killcode was working on his latest crochet project (a hobby picked up after randomly scrolling through videos on the internet) and trying not to curse when the yarn fell off the hook again.

Face feeling warm, Lunar burrowed closer to Sun’s chest. The older animatronic simply asked, “Do you wanna play some games or cuddle for a bit?”

Lunar made grabby hands at him. Answer received, Sun tucked him close and pulled out a phone. A few quick taps later, and they were scrolling through cat videos. 

At some point Moon joined them on the couch. He occupied himself with a laptop that Sun was pretty sure he hadn’t had that morning. 

The quiet and relative peace (especially if you ignored the twins’ malicious giggling as they committed video game war crimes) only lasted an hour or so before they heard Monty scream, “WHAT THE FAZ ARE THOSE THINGS!”

Lunar, who had been sleeping, stirred and grumbled. Thankfully, Sun was well practiced in getting people back to sleep and the small animatronic faded back out with a couple of whispered assurances. Moon glared at the opening to the balcony and hissed, “I’ll strangle them.”

Sun shot the twins a look and told them, “Don’t. They probably came to check on us. We weren’t exactly quiet.”

Bloodmoon stuck their tongue out at him and sulkily returned to their virtual mayhem. Killcode set aside his project, started climbing the ladder, and stated, “I’ll talk to them. And clean whatever remains.”

Sun started to protest but Killcode warned, “If you move, you’ll wake our little one. I think they could use the rest.”

Sun pouted as Moon snickered at him and Killcode left. 

Glancing at his chest, Sun couldn’t find it in himself to regret it. Letting himself fully relax, Sun drifted into recharge with the absolute certainty that things were going to be just fine.

***********************************************

Lunar was worried about Eclipse.

Not the one from their universe but the nice one. Nice Eclipse’s Moon had been getting more aggressive. Without a Lunar to suppress the kill code or being separated from him, Moon’s hostility had shot up.

This is where Lunar’s brilliant scheme came in.

Lunar visited the dimension under the pretense of wanting to play more games. 

Around their neck the twins were in cat form, purring and content. At first they weren’t confident in the plan, but Lunar convinced them. The promise of the chaos that would come alone, was more than enough.

So when Eclipse went to greet Lunar, the twin’s pounced. Eclipse flinched, half-expecting claws to sink into his casing, and was caught off-guard by wiry arms wrapping around him. 

Confused, he didn’t struggle as Bloodmoon carried him towards the ball pit while snickering.

He almost forgot to struggle until he realised their plan and hissed, “Kid! This is not a good idea!”

Lunar, with a faux confused face, innocently asked, “What do you mean? I’m just making one of my brothers take a break.”

Eclipse tried to break free but the twins had plenty of time to secure their grip in the time it took for him to process what was happening. Plenty of practice wrangling their brothers and regular hunts meant Bloodmoon was an expert in capturing wriggly things.

With a cackle, the twins dragged the flailing animatronic with them through the portal. Lunar spared a sad look to the balcony above before following his brothers.

Eclipse burst through the plastic balls with a loud curse. Nearby, Killcode jumped at the unexpected shout as the twins swam around with an evil giggle. 

Eclipse trudged through the ball pit after them, muttering viciously under his breath. The ensuing chase was wholly undignified and eventually Eclipse gave up and started throwing the balls at them. 

When Lunar finally surfaced, Killcode could hardly believe his eyes as Eclipse stopped in his tracks and scolded, “You can’t just kidnap me from my dimension! What if someone saw and freaked out?!”

Choosing to make himself known, Killcode loudly cleared his throat.

Eclipse’s eyes went wide and he fell back in shock with another loud curse. On instinct, Killcode reached for their guest and pulled him out.

Eclipse was silent as Killcode set him on the daycare’s mats and asked, “Are you alright?”

The question snapped him out of his thoughts and he answered, “I’m fine. It’s just… uh, who are you?”

Killcode chuckled and sat on the floor, beckoning the (as dubbed by Moon) Gremlin Trio over.

The twins carried Lunar over on their shoulders as Killcode introduced, “I am Killcode. It is nice to meet the one Lunar has been talking about recently.”

Killcode offered a hand, shocking no one when it dwarfed Eclipse’s own when they shook, as their guest returned, “Nice to meet you.”

Shooting the others a look, Killcode smiled. “Though the circumstances are not what anyone expected,” the twins pointed towards their youngest brother accusingly, “feel free to stay as long as you wish.”

Eclipse nodded as the larger animatronic warned his children to tell Sun and Moon about the visit. 

The twins rushed off to tell Sun. Since he was recording a game with Moon upstairs,  they would both know at the same time.The twins did not bother mentioning that they wanted to see if Moon would swing when they startled him, knowing that Killcode would interfere.

Lunar took Eclipse’s hand and walked him over to the security desk. Shaking his head, Eclipse asked, “Why the sudden urge to kidnap people, Kid?”

The smaller animatronic shook their head, pointed to one of the chairs, and ordered, “Sit first, then talking.”

With a sigh, he complied. He leaned back against the, admittedly comfortable, chair and opened his arms in a ‘spit-it-out’ gesture.

Lunar sighed, “So a little while I had a bit of a freak out.”

Eclipse sat up in alarm, more attentive as Lunar continued, “I lost control of a new form. It was pretty bad. Moon almost got ate. Sun and I almost got ate too.”

There was a shout from the area above the daycare as Moon’s voice carried over.

Lunar chuckled. 

“Bloody and Vessie have been helping me but the instincts can get pretty bad. After the whole ‘situation’ I wouldn’t let’em go. They had to talk me down but sometimes my brain still gets itchy.”

Eclipse followed so far but his confusion must have been obvious if Lunar had to clarify, “I need my brother’s safe with me or my brain feels bad. Your Moon has been getting mean like my Eclipse was.”

Abruptly, the meaning of Lunar’s words sunk in and Eclipse’s rays whirled around frantically.

Face heating up and rays out of control, Eclipse stammered out, “I mean- I mean I’m fl-flattered but- isn’t that a little- I mean you’ve got your own problems!”

Lunar laughed at the flustered response as something crashed into the ball pit. “Better get used to it, Clipse. If KC hasn’t adopted you yet, I’ll eat Moon’s hat.”

It was about that time Bloody came scrambling over on all fours like a feral cat, a fuming Moon chasing them. There was also an obvious dent in their faceplate that made it clear they had succeeded in scaring the naptime attendant.

Mid-chase, Moon caught sight of the familiar face and jumped back. Lunar, on the desk even though Sun would have a fit, waved and presented, “Meet Clipse! He’s nicer than the jerk we know.”

Blindsided, Moon slowly shot him a thumbs-up and offered a quick ‘hi’ before going after Bloodmoon again. 

Before he was able to process the awkward exchange, there was another clatter as a familiar voice admonished, “Moon! Stop chasing the twins! You already decked them and I don’t want-!”

Sun’s voice cut off as he saw Eclipse sitting with Lunar, still on the desk which made Sun’s rays twitch. Clearly trying to demonstrate his rapidly vanishing patience, Sun asked, “Lunar, what have we talked about when you’re on the security desk.”

Playing coy, Lunar tilted their head, “Dunno.”

“Lunar…”

“M’not doin’ anything”

“Lunar, I swear…”

“Anyways,” they hopped down, “this is Clipse! I’m makin’ him take a break!”

As soon as Lunar’s feet were off the desk, Sun groaned. With a sigh, Sun offered a wave and extended the same invitation as Killcode.

For his part, Eclipse was frozen. 

Even though he knew it wasn’t his Sun moving and talking to him, the similarities were obvious. The way he spoke and shuffled awkwardly in place was so much like home that Eclipse was just… lost.

He didn’t snap out of it until he realised that Sun was talking to him, rays spinning worriedly. As soon as he recognised that he was being spoken to, Eclipse stammered out an apology.

Sun waved it off and told him, “I do it too. Feel free to get comfortable. I’m glad you’re here to help with Lunar’s problem!”

Eclipse nearly forgot the reason he had been kidnapped and managed to offer, “Well I can’t say no to the kid when he really needs my help.”

“Don’t I know it!”

“Can-” Eclipse shuffled his feet nervously, “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, what’s up?”

“Would it be too weird to ask for a hug?”

“Oh, not at all! Here!”

Sun was warm. It wasn’t exactly like home but it was just close enough that tears started rolling down Eclipse’s cheeks.

When he realised what he was doing, he tried to pull away. Sun was not about to let that happen as he pulled him closer and hushed his cries. Eclipse, after so long without his brother and his open affection, collapsed in Sun’s arms.

Like he had with the rest of his brothers, Sun guided Eclipse into a more comfortable position out of sight and held him close. He rubbed circle’s on his back and crooned familiar songs that dragged the buried pain to the surface in the best way possible.

They stayed like that for who cares how long; nothing but gentle words and comforting gestures in their own little world.

When the pain was less, (not gone, never gone) Eclipse pulled away from Sun. The latter allowed him to move, not without noting that he didn’t go far, and waited.

Eclipse rubbed at his neck, shooting Sun odd looks, and offered, “Lunar said something about a new game you guys were going to play?”

Sun helped their new brother to his feet and confirmed, “Yeah. Here let me get it set up for you.”Even if he wasn’t the original, Sun was still someone dear to a lot of people. If Eclipse had any control in this universe, nothing was ever going to happen to Sun like before. Eclipse didn’t care what it would take, no one was ever going to suffer like that.

[tomorrowusa]

Justice Samuel Alito is a far right fanatic and makes no secret of that. But he apparently also has a conflict of interest.

In early July 2008, Samuel Alito stood on a riverbank in a remote corner of Alaska. The Supreme Court justice was on vacation at a luxury fishing lodge that charged more than $1,000 a day, and after catching a king salmon nearly the size of his leg, Alito posed for a picture. To his left, a man stood beaming: Paul Singer, a hedge fund billionaire who has repeatedly asked the Supreme Court to rule in his favor in high-stakes business disputes. Singer was more than a fellow angler. He flew Alito to Alaska on a private jet. If the justice chartered the plane himself, the cost could have exceeded $100,000 one way. In the years that followed, Singer’s hedge fund came before the court at least 10 times in cases where his role was often covered by the legal press and mainstream media. In 2014, the court agreed to resolve a key issue in a decade-long battle between Singer’s hedge fund and the nation of Argentina. Alito did not recuse himself from the case and voted with the 7-1 majority in Singer’s favor. The hedge fund was ultimately paid $2.4 billion. Alito did not report the 2008 fishing trip on his annual financial disclosures. By failing to disclose the private jet flight Singer provided, Alito appears to have violated a federal law that requires justices to disclose most gifts, according to ethics law experts.

In court cases where judges have a personal connection, judges are expected to recuse themselves. Another option, chosen by Alito, is to pretend that you're ignorant.

ProPublica sent Alito a list of detailed questions last week, and on Tuesday, the Supreme Court’s head spokeswoman told ProPublica that Alito would not be commenting. Several hours later, The Wall Street Journal published an op-ed by Alito responding to ProPublica’s questions about the trip. Alito said that when Singer’s companies came before the court, the justice was unaware of the billionaire’s connection to the cases. He said he recalled speaking to Singer on “no more than a handful of occasions,” and they never discussed Singer’s business or issues before the court.

A reminder of the connection between Justice Clarence Thomas and Nazi art collector Harlan Crow.

This spring, ProPublica reported that Justice Clarence Thomas received decades of luxury travel from another Republican megadonor, Dallas real estate magnate Harlan Crow. In a statement, Thomas defended the undisclosed trips, saying unnamed colleagues advised him that he didn’t need to report such gifts to the public. Crow also gave Thomas money in an undisclosed real estate deal and paid private school tuition for his grandnephew, who Thomas was raising as a son. Thomas reported neither transaction on his disclosure forms.

The Republican Supreme Court shows growing signs of corruption in addition its decision making which is based more on ideology than the law.

It's interesting that the two most far right SCOTUS justices are also the most corrupt.

When you vote for president you are voting for the person who appoints Supreme Court justices. When you vote for US senator you are voting for one of the people who confirms those justices. People considering casting "protest votes" for unelectable third party candidates should be reminded of the long term effects of their acts of futility.

[bigfootbeat]

Legality of Bigfoot Hunting

Folklore, the law, ethics, and environmental worries all come into play when deciding whether or not it is legal to hunt Bigfoot. North America's woods are home to the mythical Bigfoot, also known as Sasquatch. Despite the lack of scientific evidence, Bigfoot has persisted, sparking debate over the law on killing him. There are places where local governments have passed laws to deal with the idea that Bigfoot might exist. For example, in 1969, Skamania County in Washington State passed a law that made Bigfoot a protected species. This meant that no one could hurt or bother the creature. Initially, the creation of this rule was a playful response to the increasing interest in Bigfoot and the potential for dangerous behavior in the wilderness. However, it also shows a more general moral and legal view of protecting unknown or mythical animals.

Different parts of the world have different laws about hunting Bigfoot. This is mostly because scientists haven't officially accepted the creature as a species. As a result, neither federal nor state rules make it clear whether hunting Bigfoot is legal or illegal. Local wildlife laws typically determine the legality of Bigfoot hunting. These laws may restrict hunting in order to protect known species and their habitats. No matter what you're hunting, the law sometimes requires hunting licenses for certain animals, and hunting without the proper permits can land you in trouble. From an ethical point of view, the idea of hunting Bigfoot makes me think about what duties people have toward creatures we don't know much about. It's possible that hunting bigfoot could hurt the species because no one would know how many there are, what part they play in the environment, or how protected they are. Additionally, an increase in the number of people searching for Bigfoot could have negative effects on the environment, potentially causing damage to forests and harming other animals. Also, people looking for Bigfoot often have to go to remote and protected places, which could be against the law. Reports of sightings frequently occur in national parks or nature reserves, which enforce stringent regulations to safeguard natural areas and wildlife. Entering these places to hunt or track Bigfoot could result in fines or other legal consequences for those who violate the law.

Because of Bigfoot's cultural importance, there are also moral and legal issues that come up because of the cultural importance of Bigfoot. For many native groups, sasquatch is an important part of their stories and beliefs because it represents a link between them, nature, and the spirit world. It might be seen as rude and exploitative to ignore these cultural points of view and only hunt Bigfoot as a target. To sum up, it's not easy to say if bigfoot hunting is legal or not because it depends on local rules, morals, environmental protection, and cultural sensitivity. There aren't any clear laws against finding Bigfoot, but doing so raises more than just legal issues. It also raises bigger questions about how people relate to nature and the myths that make up our culture.

[aftokrator-official]

Screenshotting because it's not rebloggable anymore (omitting OP's name for that reason) but this post - more specifically the replies to it - have been bothering me since I saw it a day or so ago and I finally decided to come back and engage lmao. (Source link from OP)

OP's totally right. OpenAI is a garbage company with garbage business practices but this is not the way to do this, people. I'm glad y'all have so much faith in the legal system here, but I don't, and if this goes through it's not going to harm the entities you want it to harm. believe me.

(i am not against AI when used ethically but i think that is a moot point here bc i do not believe OpenAI is an ethical developer of AI tech. anyway)

Here's the "rebuttal" that has been irritating me so much I couldn't leave it alone:

THIS IS NOT REMOTELY TRUE.

First of all, unless I've missed something big, OpenAI has never disclosed the contents of the proprietary dataset they use to train their LLMs. We have no idea whether ChatGPT was trained on George RR Martin's books or not. Presumably, neither does George RR Martin. So all we have to go on is that ChatGPT "knows" characters and details from ASOIAF. Okay.

The problem is that ASOIAF is a massively popular series with some massively popular multimedia adaptations and spinoffs, and processing the text of the novels is far from the only way ChatGPT could have learned to produce those details.

Let's try a little experiment.

GPT-2 is an open source model released by OpenAI when they were just starting out. It works more or less the same way as ChatGPT and its ilk, just on a vastly smaller scale. It's much, much more limited, but the underlying algorithms work on the same concepts. So, what would GPT-2 give us if we ask it for a summary of a hypothetical GRRM novel?

I typed up the first paragraph here, and GPT-2 gave me the rest. (GPT-2 isn't a chatbot, but works more like autocomplete, so I didn't prompt it directly.)

Okay, I have a feeling that plot doesn't make much sense as a prequel, but hey, it's AI (and an elderly one at that), it's not going to be particularly good at this left to its own devices. And look, it DID pull out a few details specific to ASOIAF - Jon Snow, the Night Watch, the Wildlings. So case closed, right? GPT-2 must have had ASOIAF novels in its training data too, just like its nasty little great-grandchild.

Except we know what was in GPT-2's dataset - it was trained on a 40GB corpus of data scraped from publicly-available web pages, specifically pages linked from Reddit. We don't have all the exact texts that were used, but we DO have the top 1000 domains contained in the dataset. All of which is a hell of a lot more information than we have on ChatGPT.

What websites are ranked #75 and #160 in the list of 1000 domains? Why, it's Fanfiction.net and AO3. Hmm, I wonder where it learned about the very popular fictional characters from George RR Martin's novels! (Certainly not just from fanfiction, either - sites like IMDB and Wikia were ranked much higher in the list of sources, and entertainment news and fan wiki articles would also contain a lot of text about ASOIAF/GoT.)

You can certainly argue that using these websites as training data is also unethical or should be illegal - but that's not what's being argued in this lawsuit. As far as I know, ChatGPT has never spat out a perfect recreation (or even a vaguely paraphrased recreation) of any of GRRM's writing, so the only evidence for violation of his copyright in this case is the generation of what is essentially a machine-created derivative work. That is really, really worrying, even if you don't think the machine should be allowed to do that. I'm not a lawyer, just a fanfic writer and software developer, so I have no idea how legitimate the legal argument here is... but it's going down a road that is very dangerous for fandom, whether you believe it is or not.

[startanewdream]

#2 - Fossil, for April AU @jilymicrofics

Theme: Jurassic Park AU (or the one AU nobody ever asked for, but how could I resist?)

James had never put much faith into his father’s work — or obsession, as his mother would call — but he could admire the structure he had built on that remote island, the visitor’s centre, the resort. It would be splendid — as long as no accident happened, and with the things his father was breeding, James knew that they couldn’t take any risks.

Which was why he had been called; risk management was his specialty, even though, of course, he had never dealt with that.  No one had. Dinosaurs—or something close to it.

That was an old discussion, though, one that he wouldn’t entertain now; he had come to analyse the enclosures and to define how to better guarantee the animals would never get out of their space—they were already out of their time by millions of years…

But he shook his head and tried to focus on the blueprints, thinking out loud. “If we could reduce the enclosure for those sauropods—”

“You wouldn’t want to do that,” said a female voice; James lifted his head to find a woman looking at him, probably one of the scientists for the white cloak she wore. With her red hair combed in a loose bun, pink lips, and smart green eyes, she was easily the prettiest woman he had ever seen. His heart skipped a beat, not helping when she got near, pointing to the line in the blueprint. “The sauropods need a large space, they—”

“They can reach up to 130 feet,” he finished for her. You couldn’t be the son of Fleamont Potter without knowing something about dinosaurs.

But she just raised her eyebrows. “That too, but actually the problem is their behaviour. Sauropods tend to form social groups and they do not engage well with outsiders.”

“Oh, I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah, neither did we until we saw their interactions.” She smiled, eyes shining. “Have you seen them already?”

“The dinosaurs? Yes. In the museum. As fossils.” He bit his lips. “I don’t actually believe they should have been breed.” The ethical discussion about genetics was the only thing his father and he ever disagreed upon. “It’s not real.”

“They seem real enough,” she assured him. “They breathe and they eat and they are very much solid. It’s just science.” She stole a glance at his security badge. “Something that I hoped Mr. Potter would know.”

He shrugged. “Mr. Potter is my dad. I’m James.”

She offered her hand. “Lily Evans.”

“Evans? Doctor Evans? As in—”

“The lead geneticist of the Jurassic Park program, yeah.”

“I thought you would be older, like Doctor McGonagall.”

Doctor Evans laughed. “No, Doctor McGonagall was my professor at the university. She warned me that your father’s idea was absurd—and yet—”

“And yet you are playing with fabricated genetic creatures now.”

“I usually call them dinosaurs,” Evans said. She grabbed a keychain inside her coat. “My jeep is parked outside, let’s go for a ride. You need to meet them to understand how to better protect them.”

“I thought we were protecting the visitors.”

“You’ll understand,” she said, cryptically. “You never forget the magic of seeing your first brontosaurus walking down the ground.”

[bilbobagginsomebabez]

@paindragon re: free speech & these tags on this post because god do I know how to talk--

I'm going to use Naziism as an evocative example of obvious hate speech throughout and because the ACLU's dedicated attention towards protecting nazis has built a significant portion of american case law surrounding free speech as a whole. the nazis also built their eugenics laws based on US eugenics laws and movements and while Germany literally outlawed it, the united states had to develop critical race theory to suggest that we start removing the eugenics shit from our social and legal systems and fox news told americans that it existed to teach their children to "hate america," which they did absolutely believe and agree with which launched the current book banning spree. (weird how free speech laws aren't protecting any of those books, huh. what are they for again?)

it's possible for a government to neither outlaw nor protect something. it can be left to informal or nonlegal systems. you do not actually have to give nazis or the cultural fascist equivalent legal protections for societies to work. societies do not need to go out of their way to keep fascists legally safe from social or financial retaliation to keep functioning or to be healthy. this is just one obvious option between protecting nazis and making any speech actively illegal. there's a whole world of options between those two points.

part of the reason we TELL OURSELVES we do is because our society is extremely fascist and we don't want to address it. or have never been not-fascist-enough to address it. american and american-centric political scientists struggle to define fascism as a political phenomenon and practice not because it's that confusing but because any clear definition obviously indicts settler-colonialism, slavery, and segregation. which have to be different in some way because the US is incredibly powerful and has some of the most brutally violent history in the world with all three that it has never remotely addressed and does not want to.

the idea that by legally protecting nazis because they're the most bad, everyone else is automatically included and protected under that umbrella is just. not real. it's not real in practice--see jewish people arrested for 'antisemitism' while participating in unfree-speech protests against US support of the palestinian genocide & aforementioned cop city RICO charges, which use unfree-speech of the term mutualism to indict participants of unfree-speech protests against our government. protecting actual literal anti-semites did not protect use of "from the river to the sea, Palestine will be free". and it's not real in theory for the same reason that tolerance is not a paradox but a peace treaty. "I won't punch you if you don't punch me." =/= "everybody does whatever they want and we just kind of have to accept it, punches included."

tolerance feels like a paradox to a fascist in a fascist society, for whom it is real that equal rights are a threat to 'their way of life'. allowing advocacy against racism in a racist society feels like a threat to them personally because their way of life is racist and challenging racism does actually threaten it. a slave-owner actually for real believes their rights are being taken when the enslaved are freed. segregation was fundamentally fascist, and despite that obvious and clear evaluation, I doubt Joe Biden or most other americans consider him/self in any way fascist despite strongly advocating for segregation for like the first 10 years of his career. christians (everyone from the Mormons to the Catholics) consider it an insult against their entire religion and a violation of their religious rights to demand that they cease exploitative conversion practices internationally and evaluate the ethics of "missions" which offer aid to the vulnerable and displaced in exchange for attending religious services.

when bigotry and white supremacy are the widespread norm, it feels like protecting bigots the same as radicals is creating equal protections for "violent" words. but is it? it should not be surprising to anyone when i say white supremacist christofascism is alive and well in the United States and remains its dominant political ideology. is protecting nazi-ism, homophobia, xenohobia, bigotry actually creating equal protections for the residents of a country or is it emboldening and protecting the most violent members of its most powerful class?

the idea that actively creating legal protections for bigotry somehow protects the marginalized from civil infringement because both things use similar verbiage sometimes is a weird fairytale/bedtime story that americans tell themselves in order to cater to their worst instincts and avoid addressing a deep and disgusting reality about our supposedly freedom and equality loving culture. it lets white americans rest easy by saying the most violent white supremacists aren't something to be fought anymore, they're actually legally necessary to protect the marginalized from... white supremacy.

does that actually make any sense? or maybe is this all some bullshit mental gymnastics to avoid admitting that identifying and counteracting social violence of this nature would indict most powerful people as well as most systems of power in this country. acknowledging the reality of fascism would immediately require acknowledging how pervasive it is in our society and how deeply it's sunk into the walls. so instead we protect its worst excesses and pretend that somehow does anything other than perpetuate it

the idea that protecting the violent speech of the nazis protects the marginalized or government critics or political radicals or leftism is also more about settler colonialist self-projection than any real or common similarities. the idea that landback means indigenous americans will kick everyone out or that Black people will massacre white people during the "great replacement" is projection because WE DID THAT. we literally got here and just started killing everyone and taking their shit. so we iMAGINE that eventually they're gonna want to 'get even' and it will look something like our worst violences (nazi-ism). but it doesn't, does it? it turns out the leftists who are challenging systems of white supremacy don't sound like white supremacists and aren't protected by case law built around protecting white supremacists. "mutualism" isn't protected free speech, but "kill all jews" is. "social solidarity" isn't protected free speech, but (real trump quote) "No, they're not humans, they're not humans, they're animals" is."

it also propagates the myth that all violence is the same because america has solved for equality and the impartial government just needs to mediate. there's no difference between nazis and militant civil rights leaders because we got rid of all of ours and cleaned it up, so they're baaasically as marginalized 'as an ideology' as Black, Indigenous, queer people with radically leftist politics fighting for equality. like i think people forget that most americans literally believe racism was solved during the civil rights movement, a confidence which was temporarily shaken during BLM and the George Floyd protests but has settled back in nicely after biden promised more money to cops but only for increased diversity trainings (and also because everybody started shoplifting for no reason?!?!? so we really need them to reinforce Law and Order right).

[artsyalice137]

On AI Art: a perspective from computer engineer/artist

With all the discourse about AI art going on right now, I thought I’d add my perspective to the mix. But the TL:DR is that some AI art hurts artists who provided - albeit unknowingly and/or unwillingly - the datasets that allow the AI to generate “art”.

I’ll try to keep this untechnical so that I get the point across well enough.

In my senior year of college, I took a class called Sensor Processing for Autonomous Vehicles in which we discussed some of the AI learning that allows autonomous vehicles (also called self-driving cars) to identify and respond to what they “see” via a number of sensors - including radar, video cameras, and infrared. They could be seeing the lines in the road, road signs, people, or any number of things. AI or machine learning allows the brains behind the car to determine what the object is and respond accordingly. The brains being a computer hosted either in the car or remotely on a super computer.

Now you might be wondering, “How does the car know what a person looks like?” The answer is that some of these AI learn the same way that babies do. When you’re a baby, someone points to a cat and says “This is a cat. This is what a cat looks like.” Then they point to other slightly different looking cats and repeat, “Those are also cats.” Certain machine learning algorithms learn similarly using what is called a dataset. This dataset can consist of millions of images that are then initially labeled by humans. This allows the machine to start off with the correct data to then learn from these images what a cat or human or stop sign looks like. After this initial processing of the dataset, the AI can recognize, with some level of accuracy, a cat.

Without this dataset, the algorithm is basically useless because a computer is not going to inherently know what a cat looks like. Similarly, how can an AI art program know what its art should look like without taking “inspiration” from artists on the internet?

In relation to AI art, this dataset is any artist’s Instagram or Tumblr or TikTok or whatever is readily available online. And here is where the first ethical dilemma arises. Typically, using an artist’s work without permission is something that can get you banned from social media. In this way, unless the programmers behind the AI art applications have asked for permission to use artists’ art as their dataset, this can be viewed as art theft. Based on the discourse online, permission was neither requested nor given.

To be cynical for a moment, putting any art on the internet opens the possibility for that art to be stolen. The void claims as it sees fit. Big corporations like Disney can monitor and rectify such thefts since they have the time, money, and manpower. Most, if not all, artists online do not. Putting anything out there without a watermark absolutely marring the piece is some acceptance of risk. For the artists who depend on likes, views, commissions, and the ilk for their income, that’s not an option. They spend hours upon hours creating art to post so they can generate income. (Or if you’re small time like me, you just generate some likes but that’s still quite nice too.)

As an artist (or at least someone who likes and does art), I never want to see someone claiming my work as their own. It’s a terrible feeling. In relation to one’s pride as an artist, it is also infuriating to see AI “artists” not saying that their art is computer generated. Here I’m talking about the people who use apps made by programmers to generate their images. I think the person who coded and trained an AI to generate images should be credited. That’s no small feat. However, I’m entirely unimpressed by the people who added an image to an app or website and clicked a generate button. Anyone can do that. In my personal opinion, art is made, not generated. And that is the second ethnical issue - misrepresentation on the internet. *sarcasm* How shocking. How unprecedented. *sarcasm* Same story, different narrator.

Even with all this said, I don’t consider AI art inherently evil. In some ways its intriguing from a technical and artistic perspective. However, its the ethics around how these programs acquired their datasets and how people are using it that causes it to be controversial. Surprise, surprise. People are the problem more so than the machines. Machines don’t know right or wrong. They know only what we tell them. And what have we learned here?

For some more info on AI:

https://www.ted.com/talks/yann_lecun_deep_learning_neural_networks_and_the_future_of_ai

https://www.ted.com/talks/briana_brownell_how_does_artificial_intelligence_learn?language=en

AI Art specific video:

https://www.ted.com/talks/blaise_aguera_y_arcas_how_computers_are_learning_to_be_creative?language=en

[self-loving-vampire]

I get Wire Mother is in vogue here, but I think Cloth Mother is lowkey top-tier

I feel like that experiment has some major issues, particularly in the assumptions made in some of its conclusions.

I feel like it is a big stretch to conflate "sensory comfort" with "affection" (which neither of the inanimate objects could really provide anyway).

It just makes sense to me that you would spend most of your time lying on whatever the most comfortable surface was regardless of whether or not it fed you (which you only need a couple of times a day). This is not a proxy for love.

Like, there's a reason why I spend most of my time in bed instead of lying on the kitchen floor even though I also need to eat, and I'd also be very unhappy if my bed disappeared and I had to sleep on the ground.

I do think that as far as I can tell physical contact with infants seems beneficial to their mental health but this seems like a very flawed way to support the idea. I don't think it was remotely worth the ethical cost of straight-up torturing those monkeys. Whatever valid findings it had could and would have been found in other ways.

That said, it is also strange to think about given that I am a weirdo who was primarily socialized and taught by a computer, and who preferred to spend time with it than with humans. Just one more thing about me that is not very human, I suppose.

[collymore]

The philosophy of Capitalism!

By Stanley Collymore         Treating people with respect     and having empathy with     them crucially makes     people less able to achieve success in     a genuinely capitalist-oriented society,     which of itself obviously only equates     to solely achieving and exercising the     power, clearly attendant with it. Quite     discernibly to those with eyes willing     to see and actually acknowledge the     unquestionably aberrant philosophy;     incorrigibly and irrefutably decadent     also, immoral concepts, obsessively     and simply continuously, passed on     as ethics while compulsively taught     and drilled into those, at the likes of     Eton and Winchester; precepts that     subsequently are massively topped     up and quite didactically reinforced     evidently, by Oxbridge elitist unions     effectively like the Bullingdon Club!         (C) Stanley V. Collymore     23 June 2024.             Author's Remarks:     Acquiring wealth, of whatever distinctly effectively, essentially, evidently and, in essence obvious dimensions, generally attendant also with power and prestige simply through one's quite undoubtedly innate abilities and have these crucially complimented and rather reinforced by one's hard work, and the conscionable payment of all requisite taxes are truly not only laudable characteristics quite clearly in themselves but should simply be greatly admired, complimented and widely emulated!         Achieving some or even all of the really aforementioned benefits through rather devious, conspiratorial, very deceitfully engineered, dishonest and exploitative means are neither attributes effectively within themselves nor anything actually remotely to be admired, or obviously be praiseworthily boastful about!

[mentalhealthquestions]

“Navigating Serenity: Online Anxiety Counseling for Inner Peace”

As a psychologist specializing in Anxiety Counseling Online, I understand the unique challenges and opportunities that come with providing support for individuals seeking tranquility in the digital age. Here, I’ll offer insights into how to effectively cope with anxiety through online counseling, fostering a sense of calm and emotional well-being.

Personalized Online Support: Online Anxiety Counseling allows individuals to access personalized support from the comfort of their own space. Through secure video conferencing or chat platforms, clients can connect with experienced therapists who specialize in anxiety management. This level of convenience breaks down barriers to seeking help, making it easier for people to reach out and receive the assistance they need.

Accessible Anytime, Anywhere: Anxiety doesn’t adhere to a 9-to-5 schedule, and neither should support for it. Online counseling provides the flexibility to schedule sessions at times that suit the client’s lifestyle. This accessibility is particularly beneficial for those with busy schedules, mobility limitations, or living in remote areas, as it ensures that help is always within reach.

Tailored Techniques and Strategies: Anxiety Counseling Online offers a wide array of evidence-based techniques and strategies. Psychologists can work with clients to develop personalized coping mechanisms that address their unique triggers and challenges. These can include mindfulness practices, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), relaxation exercises, and more, all delivered through digital channels.

Progress Tracking: Digital platforms allow for easy tracking of progress. Psychologists can monitor clients’ responses to treatment, making necessary adjustments to the therapeutic approach as needed. Online platforms also offer tools for setting goals, measuring progress, and promoting a sense of achievement, which can be empowering for clients on their anxiety management journey.

Peer and Group Support: Online Anxiety Counseling isn’t limited to one-on-one sessions. Group therapy or peer support sessions can be conducted virtually, providing clients with opportunities to connect, share experiences, and learn from others facing similar challenges. This sense of community can be incredibly reassuring and uplifting.

Safe and Confidential Environment: Privacy and confidentiality are paramount in any counseling setting, and online platforms are no exception. Psychologists ensure that all digital interactions are secure and comply with ethical guidelines to maintain a safe and trusting environment for clients to open up and work on their anxiety.

Continuous Access to Resources: In addition to live sessions, online platforms often provide access to a wealth of resources, including articles, videos, worksheets, and self-help materials. Clients can utilize these tools between sessions to reinforce their coping skills and gain a deeper understanding of their anxiety.

In conclusion, Anxiety Counseling Online offers a modern and effective approach to managing anxiety. By harnessing the power of technology and specialized therapeutic techniques, individuals can find their path to serenity and emotional well-being, all while benefiting from the expertise of experienced psychologists who are dedicated to their online clients’ mental health.

[theexodvs]

A Revolution of Lies

The sexual revolution was started by a child predator and quack named Alfred Kinsey. Everything it held to was a lie, meant to serve to the benefit of rich and powerful men.

The sexual revolution promoted the idea that young men were not morally or ethically responsible for what they did with their male parts and how they touched other people until (maybe) their eighteenth birthday. This is a lie. The age of accountability is a lie. Nobody’s moral responsibility is dependent on how many times any floating rock has spun around any ball of fire since their birth. This lie was promoted so that the sons of rich and powerful men could touch their teachers or their fathers’ subordinates inappropriately and get away with it because “they’re not 18 yet.”

The sexual revolution promoted the idea that men could be “sexually assaulted” by women. This is a lie. Newspeak is a lie. The denial of human sexual dimorphism is a lie. It was promoted because sexual violence is the only category of violent crime whose victims were primarily women in every region of the world, and in every period of human history for which remotely reliable records exist. Sexual violence is committed often by rich men, at rates substantially higher than armed robbery or even (provable) murder, so the redefinition of this term serves to bring attention away from them, and allows for false accusations against women.

The sexual revolution promoted the idea that women’s worth is found in which and how many men they give their bodies to. This is a lie. Any conception of a person’s worth as something that can be granted or revoked by any person, thing, or force in our temporal plane is a lie. This lie was promoted so that women would give their bodies to rich and powerful men.

The sexual revolution promoted the that fetishism is healthy. This is a lie. Fantasy, particularly in adults, and the sanitization of self-harm and assault are lies. They were promoted so that the rich and powerful men who, during the time of the sexual revolution, would have had greater access to pornography could find partners without feeling shame for their niche interests, apart from which they had difficulty remaining erect.

The sexual revolution conceptualized the marriage contract like a business contract. This is a lie. Any chain of a spouse’s decisions that eventually leads to a divorce is a lie, including those of at-fault divorces. It was promoted so that rich and powerful men could dispose of women and children they saw as financial liabilities.

Neither the US nor any culture the sexual revolution has spread to has children at replacement levels apart from immigration. People who reject it have more children than those who embrace it, but the ideological descendants of the sexual revolutionaries have control of the public school system in many countries, including the US. Eventually, however, every culture that currently promotes the ideals of the sexual revolution will have to reject these principals or go extinct.

[ausetkmt]

NPR: Sperm or egg from any cell? It's called IVG and it holds huge promise and peril : Shots - Health News

A clinician prepares cells for in vitro fertilization, or IVF, the treatment for infertility. In the future, it could be joined by IVG, in vitro gametogenesis, a new process that could turn any cell first into a stem cell and then into a sperm or egg cell.

Lluis Gene/AFP via Getty Images

It's a Wednesday morning at the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering and Medicine in downtown Washington, D.C., and Dr. Eli Adashi is opening an unprecedented gathering: It's titled "In-Vitro Derived Human Gametes as a Reproductive Technology."

It's the academy's first workshop to explore in-vitro gametogenesis, or IVG, which involves custom-making human eggs and sperm in the laboratory from any cell in a person's body.

"It is on the precipice of materialization," says Adashi, a reproductive biology specialist from Brown University. "And IVF will probably never be the same."

For the next three days, dozens of scientists, bioethicists, doctors, and others describe the latest scientific advances in IVG and explore the potentially far-reaching thicket of social, ethical, moral, legal and regulatory ramifications of the emerging technology. Hundreds more attend the workshop remotely.

"The implications here are huge," says Alana Cattapan, who studies reproductive health issues at the University of Waterloo in Canada.

The realization of the advance for humans likely is still years away, but the excitement about it among scientists is growing.

So far, healthy IVG mice

Japanese scientists describe how they've already perfected IVG in mice. The researchers used cells from the tails of adult mice to create induced pluripotent stem (iPS) cells, and then coaxed those iPS cells to become mouse sperm and eggs. They've even used those sperm and eggs to make embryos and implanted the embryos into the wombs of female mice, which gave birth to apparently healthy mouse pups.

"We are in the pathway of translating these technologies into the humans," says Mitinori Saitou from Kyoto University, addressing the group via Zoom.

In fact, Saitou says he's fairly far down that pathway. He's turned human blood cells into iPS cells, and used those iPS cells to create very primitive human eggs. Others have created primitive human sperm this way. Neither the sperm or eggs are developed enough to make embryos or babies. But scientists around the world are intensively working on that.

"I've been really impressed with all the data that we've seen here and just how quickly this field is evolving," says Dr. Hugh Taylor, a reproductive health specialist at Yale School of Medicine. "It makes me confident that it's not a matter of if this will be available for clinical practice but just a matter of when."

'Life-altering' for infertility

Next, the workshop participants, who gathered at the end of April, explore the implications of IVG if the technology were ever to become a reality for humans.

"This could be life-altering for individuals to build that family that they dream of through IVG," says Andrea Braverman, who studies infertility at Thomas Jefferson University in Philadelphia.

IVG would enable infertile women and men to have children with their own DNA instead of genes from the sperm and eggs or donors. Same goes for women of any age, rendering the biological clock irrelevant.

But that, Braverman says, raises many questions.

"Yes it's great to be able to not to have to worry as woman that 40 is the cliff that we fall off of," she says. "But on the other hand: What are the implications for families? For the children that have parents that are older? I always think about freshman move-in day in your 80s."

IVG could also enable gay and trans couples to have babies that are genetically related to both partners.

"We too could point to our children and say, 'He has your eyes and my nose,' in a way that is something that I think many queer people covet," says Katherine Kraschel, who studies reproductive health issues at Yale Law School.

But Kraschel also worries that could undermine acceptance of gay people parenting children who aren't genetically related to them through adoption or by using other peoples' sperm and eggs.

"To the extent the IVG replaces markets in sperm and eggs, concerns about backsliding I think are really warranted," she says.

Provocative possibilities

Another theoretical possibility is "solo IVG" — single people having "uni-babies" — babies with just one person's genes, says Dr. Paula Amato, a professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the Oregon Health & Science University in Portland

"In theory you could reproduce with yourself. And the resulting child would be 100 percent related to you," Amato says. "You could do that if you wanted to."

She warns, however, that may increase the risk for genetic problems in offspring.

At the same time, the DNA for IVG could be obtained from anywhere a single cell could be found, says Henry Greely, a bioethicist at Stanford.

That raises a long list of other provocative possibilities, he says, including "90-year-old genetic mothers, 9-year-old genetic mothers, 9-month-old fetuses that become genetic parents, people who've been dead for three years whose cells were saved who become parents."

People could even potentially steal the DNA of celebrities from, for example, a clipping of their hair to make babies, he says.

"One law we definitely need is to make sure people can't become genetic parents without their knowledge or consent," says Greely.

Throughout the meeting, researchers and bioethicists warn that the ability to create a limitless supply of IVG embryos — combined with new gene-editing techniques — could turbo-charge the power to eradicate unwanted genes. That could help eradicate terrible genetic diseases, but also move "designer babies" even closer to reality.

"The desire to genetically modify the future generation in a hunt for a assumed perfect race, perfect baby, perfect future generation is not science fiction," says Amrita Pande, a professor of sociology at the University of Cape Town in South African. "IVG when used with gene-editing tools like CRISPR should make us all worried."

IVG is probably still at least years away — and may never happen, several of the participants note. There are still significant technical hurdles that would need to be overcome, and questions about whether IVG could ever be done safely, several experts repeatedly warn during the workshop

Nevertheless, the Food and Drug Administration is already exploring the implications of IVG, according to Dr. Peter Marks, a top FDA official.

"It's an important technology that we are very interested in helping to move it forward," Marks says.

But Marks notes Congress currently prohibits the FDA from even considering any proposals that would involve genetically manipulated human embryos.

"This creeps out our attorneys," Marks says. "It makes them feel uncomfortable in this space."

But if IVG remains off-limits in the U.S, Marks and others warn IVG clinics could easily spring up in other countries with looser regulations, creating a new form of medical tourism that raises even more ethical worries. That includes the exploitation of women as surrogate mothers.

"Does IVG really increase human well-being?" Pande asks. "Whose well-being does it increase?"

Others agree.

"The door that opens to this space is one in which so many things are unsettled," says Michelle Goodwin, director of the Center for Biotechnology and Global Health Policy at the University of California, Irvine. "So many ethical questions are yet to be unpacked."

[pazodetrasalba]

Cave Carnem

Dear Caroline:

"He likes eating, drinking and thinking more than any man I ever knew. He gets pleasure out of everything. Even his thinking is sensual. He indulges in thinking bouts. He'd never say no to an old wine or a new idea". Such is the way the Pope describes Galileo in Bertold Brecht's homonymous play. I believe half of this description -the one appertaining to the sensuality of ideas, and the seriousness with which you take them- applies as well to you.

On the meat front I find myself among those who don't easily accept that animals have moral value, which I imagine is related to my contractarianist tendencies in morality by default. Animals not being rational creatures, I cannot conceive them as possessors of rights. That does not mean that, out of a very human tendency towards empathy and our biological kinship with them, we shouldn't try to avoid inflicting unnecessary pain and suffering on other living beings, but from there to putting them in a balance even remotely approximate to the value of a human life, there exists a massive and unbridgeable chasm in my imagination.

I would be sad if these words might make you think that I am rather callous and insensitive. Where I live it is still rather common among my parent's generation, whatever their main job might be, to keep some hens and a pig for domestic consumption. In my house, in fact, the only chicken, eggs and pork that are eaten are the ones we look after ourselves, and I can guarantee you that they get a free-range and pretty satisfactory life. And I am ridiculously partial to cats and dogs, and could spend a whole afternoon just petting and playing around with them.

Back to Brecht and his Galileo, another good quote is "Pity the country that needs heroes". If ethical systems are to work, they have to be accessible to everyday people, which makes your self-identification as a "not a very moral person" as a good thing, and as something that can be improved by practice but requires no more than a pragmatic, this-wordly disposition and benevolence.

Quote:

It may be a reflection on human nature, that such devices should be necessary to controul the abuses of government. But what is government itself but the greatest of all reflections on human nature? If men were angels, no government would be necessary. If angels were to govern men, neither external nor internal controuls on government would be necessary

Alexander Hamilton

[vladimir-nabokov-official]

I must have been twelve when forty-five years ago I read “Crime and Punishment” for the first time and thought it a wonderfully powerful and exciting book. I read it again at nineteen, during the awful years of civil war in Russia, and thought it long-winded, terribly sentimental, and badly written. I read it at twenty-eight when discussing Dostoevski in one of my own books. I read the thing again when preparing to speak about him in American universities. And only quite recently did I realize what is so wrong about the book. The flaw, the crack in it, which in my opinion causes the whole edifice to crumble ethically and esthetically may be found in part ten, chapter 4. It is the beginning of the redemption scene when Raskolnikov, the killer, discovers through the girl Sonya the New Testament. She has been reading to him about Jesus and the raising of Lazarus. So far so good. But then comes this singular sentence that for sheer stupidity has hardly the equal in world-famous literature: ‘The candle was flicking out, dimly lighting up in the poverty-stricken room the murderer and the harlot who had been reading together the eternal book.’ ‘The murder and the harlot’ and ‘the eternal book’—what a triangle. This is a crucial phrase, of a typical Dostoevskian rhetorical twist. Now what is so dreadfully wrong about it? Why is it so crude and so inartistic? I suggest that neither a true artist nor a true moralist—neither a good Christian nor a good philosopher—neither a poet nor a sociologist—should have placed side by side, in one breath, in one gust of false eloquence, a killer together with whom?—a poor streetwalker, bending their completely different heads over that holy book. The Christian God, as understood by those who believe in the Christian God, had pardoned the harlot nineteen centuries ago. The killer, on the other hand, must be first of all examined medically. The two are on completely different levels. The inhuman and idiotic crime of Raskolnikov cannot be even remotely compared to the [girl’s] plight […]. The murderer and the harlot reading the external book—what nonsense. There is no rhetorical link between a filthy murderer, and this unfortunate girl. There is only the conventional link of the Gothic novel and the sentimental novel. It is a shoddy literary trick, not a masterpiece of pathos and piety. Moreover, look at the absence of artistic balance. We have been shown Raskolnikov’s crime in all sordid detail and we also have been given half a dozen different explanations for his exploit. We have never been shown Sonya in the exercise of her trade. The situation is a glorified cliché. The harlot’s sin is taken for granted. Now I submit that the true artist is the person who never takes anything for granted.

Vladimir Nabokov, Lectures on Russian Literature (p. 110–3)

[cash4bees]

How I'm doing

So I barely know people on this platform any more, and twitter is bad for long-form stuff and I also barely know anyone on there either. But I just want to get my thoughts in order on how I'm doing, and post them in my favorite defunct comedy diary platform. I promise, this isn't super duper sad times the whole way through, in case you want to give it a read it's actually quite happy.

I've had a rough go of it for around four years, going back further than the pandemic by a while. Graduating college essentially meant hacking away my social tethers that weren't online, and everyone I had easy access to through the internet was, in contrast, busy with their IRL stuff. I had to essentially scrape by on one or two social activities in a week from 2017 to 2019. I grew apart from friendships I valued because I felt every friendship drift away simultaneously. I remember that my therapist asked me to very simply rate my mood on given days out of a hundred and at about that time it was some of the absolute pits, barely reaching 30/100 on a good day. I had a roommate who's vibes spread to me and whose lack of cleanliness ethic put a lot of at-home burden on me, I had very little if any free time to myself, and all of my friends were either gone or still hanging out with each other at grad school an hour's drive away. I was lonelier than I'd ever been, and those rank among the saddest days of my life. I left tumblr entirely for a few months there, coinciding with the exodus in general, so there's not too many glimpses into my state of mind on this blog but trust me, it was bad.

The first big turnaround, late 2018, was joining a big discord server with some of the best friends I could've ended up making. If you're on that server (which is only one of my actual followers iirc, everyone else abandoned tumblr) you know how much you mean to me, and I'm grateful to you.

The second big turnaround was splitting up with my gf of several years who had moved in with me for 3 months. It wasn't all bad, but it would be a massive lie to say that the ease with which our close proximity fostered my partner's ongoing resentment of me wasn't a major factor in my lowest moods. It also left me with time to myself and more importantly, time with my friends who didn't live an hour away. It finally felt like I could have time to be myself, and to become myself. I think if you knew me then and now you can probably see a difference. I had a very brief and very healing relationship, only about two months, in the winter of 2019-2020. Low pressure, good fun, and with no resentment toward me building up at all. It was important for me to see a relationship work like that, the way it's intended. We held each other on a few great nights before parting ways with a smile on each of our faces. They weren't ready for anything longer-term with me and I was disappointed but able to accept that. Thanks, ####, I hope you're doing well wherever you are.

I met someone else just before lockdown, quite literally having the first date on leap day. He's not a partner because neither of us are looking for a partner in that sense, but he is a friend, and the best I could ask for. It's coming up on two years of friendship with each other and I honestly couldn't feel better about it. He's introduced me to new friends, people who so quickly became close to me that it felt like we were always going to be best friends. They're all a huge part of how I made it through quarantine.

That lasts for a whole two years, bringing us to now. I don't know what exactly flipped the switch: getting a pair of cats and feeling a need to get my life together for their sake, going fully remote and realizing I have the freedom I'd lost after graduation again, making friends with their lives together and being inspired by them, or some combination. I took a LOT of action.

I got back on medication for ADHD, allowing me to do stuff like type this post out. I earned a promotion at work after roughly two years of slogging through pandemic cutbacks and furlough. Most recently, and importantly, I made an offer on a house. Things are still up in the air but the momentum is unstoppable at this point. I am going to buy a house, and soon. No more doing dishes by hand in a 30 sqft kitchen in a one bedroom apartment in a silent suburb. No more driving on a highway to see friends in the city on the regular. Life is getting better by miles, not inches.

I want to thank everyone on here and elsewhere who's kept up with me and kept me going. Even the smallest things have helped, and if you took the time to read this, even the idea of you caring enough to do that keeps me going, accelerating even. I love you all and I hope I can pass some of that help you've given me back to you.