#which shouldn't be a big deal and it's not but i'm just ugh like

[slayfics]

Katsuki gets caught being sweet to you.

You started to finally catch your breath being at the top of the hiking trail Katsuki had dragged you out too.

"Alright there, it's just us up here so tell me already. What the hell has been going on?"

"That's why you brought me out here?" You asked.

"Just tell me already, stop being so damn stubborn." He pried you impatiently.

"I told you I'm fine Bakugo, just busy like everyone else." You replied.

"Don't give me that shit. Do you think I'm stupid? The other extras are too dense to notice but I can see how exhausted you've been this whole week. So just tell me- what's going on," He said.

"You didn't need to drag me out here on a hike in freezing weather to do this, you know," You said, slightly irritated at Katsuki continuing to push you.

"Ugh- will you stop stalling and talk already," He yelled, causing you to let out an annoyed sigh. Katsuki put his hands in his pockets and looked out at the view, his demeanor softening slightly. "You can talk to me, you know," he added, his voice lower and kinder than before.

You stayed looking at the view for a few more moments trying to figure out how to unpack everything that had been stressing you out. It wasn't like some big thing, but a summation of a bunch of little things that were beginning to become too challenging to manage.

A cold breeze blew by causing you to shiver. You wondered why Katsuki had insisted on bringing you up this mountain to talk to you. He could have pestered you in your dorm where it was warm.

Katsuki stole glances at you occasionally then focused back on the view not wanting to intimidate you too much from his glare. Hiking always helped him to clear his mind and gather his thoughts when they seemed too loud. He thought maybe it would help you too, and being away from all your classmates might make it easier for you to talk to him. At the very least it made it easier for Katsuki to be more vulnerable with you. He found it too daunting to express himself fully with all the attention of his classmates around. It was much easier being only in your company.

You took a deep breath, "I guess- it's just been hard to balance everything recently," You finally spoke, breaking the silence. Katsuki made it easy to open up to, as he had no problem sitting in silence for long extended periods. Others in your life felt the need to fill that silence with useless chatter which always prevented you from sitting in your emotions and being able to formulate them into words.

You took in another breath feeling a lump in your throat form. You hadn't wanted to talk to anyone about what was going on for fear of opening up the flood of emotions and not being able to stop. Now here it was. You didn't want to cry on this fucking hill.

Katsuki patiently waited while you gathered your thoughts.

"It's just been so much and I've been barely keeping up. It's- been getting to me recently. I've been forgetting things I shouldn't. Being unusually upset at things that aren't that big of a deal- and I just- it's dumb." You cut yourself off afraid to say anymore.

"It's not dumb. Don't hold that shit in, it's not healthy," He said encouraging you to keep talking.

You sighed, "I just... know that it could be way worse, and I've been through way worse so- I feel so irritated at myself. What I'm going through now isn't something I can't handle. I know that. So why do I feel so fucking exhausted with everything," You replied wiping a stray tear from your cheek.

"Hmm," Katsuki grunted, processing what you said. "You know, it's ok to be tired, and- to not be perfect. You can't just deny yourself from feeling overwhelmed because it could be worse. If you're exhausted now then those feelings are real- and it's ok to have them," He spoke.

You looked down at the view watching the distant cars pass, "Thanks," You managed to say taking another deep breath.

"You shouldn't wait to handle them until they explode either. Trust me, I know what that's like," He said, causing you to let out a small giggle. "You're too damn hard on yourself you know that?"

You let out a full laugh, "Oh that's pretty good coming from you. You're the pro at having too high expectations for yourself," you laughed.

You and Katsuki were wrapped up in your conversation causing you not to notice approaching classmates in the distance. Mina and Eijiro had also decided to come up the hill after class and spotted both of you in the distance.

"That looks like we shouldn't interrupt," Eijiro said.

"Yeah," Mina agreed. "But maybe... we could get a little closer to make sure everything is ok?" She said, pulling Eijiro into the bushes to spy on you and Katsuki. Eijiro was highly against the plan but was unable to protest for fear of you two hearing.

"Yeah I know I have high expectations for myself... that's why I know what it fucking looks like when you're being too hard on yourself. So- tonight I'm coming to your dorm and, I'm making sure you get to bed at a reasonable fucking time."

Mina's eyes widened as she looked at Eijiro, "Coming to their dorm?!" She whispered, and Eijrio covered her mouth, silencing her.

"You mean Grandpa time at 9 p.m.?"

"Shut up! 9 p.m. is late as hell! You damn idiots just don't know how to have a good sleep schedule! Look I'm making sure you get some sleep and tomorrow I'm taking you out. So- figure out where you want to eat, I don't care where. And I'm not letting you say no you need a break," Katsuki replied.

"You don't have to do that Bakugo."

"Of course, I don't have to but, I want to. So just shut up and let me take care of you ok. You better not be afraid to order enough food this time either! I'm buying so- just get whatever you want, alright?"

"Ok ok," You laughed, feeling your mood brighten.

"Next time, just tell me when you're having a bad day or something. Stop making me drag it out of you. I- worry about you, you know? Now let's go back to the dorms. I see you shivering," He said, beginning to walk back down the hill.

Mina squirmed again under Eijiro's hand, keeping her silent. Her eyes said it all. She was in disbelief at Katsuki's words.

"Here," Katsuki said, holding his hand out and offering it to you. "I'll warm your hand with my quirk," he said.

You grabbed his hand interlacing your fingers with his.

"Don't dare say anything about how sweaty my hands are!" He barked.

You giggled, "How many times do I have to tell you I don't care Bakugo. It's part of your quirk, and your quirk is amazing you shouldn't be self-conscious about it. Besides, I'm always happy to hold your hand," You said as you two walked down the mountain.

"Tch whatever," Katsuki grumbled looking away from you as a small tint grew on his cheeks.

Finally, when you and Katsuki were far enough down the hill, Eijiro released Mina.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!?" Mina exclaimed.

"Shh shhh," Eijiro pleaded.

"WHAT- He wants to take care of them?!? OH MY GOD! They are totally dating right?! That's what he said he's taking them out to eat! And he's sneaking into their dorm! Wait wait- when they held hands it sounded like that had before! AND AND BAKUGO WAS TOTALLY BLUSHING! NO WAY!" Mina said looking like she might pass out from all this information.

"Ashido relax, we shouldn't have heard any of that!" Eijiro replied.

"Yeah but but-" Mina exclaimed, her head spinning. "Who knew Baklugo could actually be so sweet! I can't wait to tell Jiro-" She said, pulling out her phone.

"NO!" Eijiro said, grabbing her phone from her. "Uh- sorry, I didn't mean to be so harsh but- you can't tell anyone what we heard ok?" Eijiro said.

"WHAT?! I just heard Bakugo being the sweetest boyfriend ever and you expect me not to say anything about that?!"

"YES!" Eijiro yelled. "Look they both like their privacy and there is a reason they were all the way up here talking, Ashido. I think we should keep this a secret and let them do things at their own pace ok?" He said, handing Mina back her phone.

"UGH-" She exclaimed letting out a big sigh. "I guess you're right... but wow who would have thought Bakugo could be a decent person much less a good boyfriend." She said.

Eijiro just shrugged at her words, "I don't know he's not a bad guy like you all make him out to be you know."

"Wait! You totally already knew didn't you!" Mina said, slapping Eijiro's shoulder.

"Hey! I mean- Bakugo is my best friend you know, so yeah I did..." He answered truthfully.

"You suck! Keeping secrets like that from me!" Mina said playfully, waving a finger at him.

"I'm sorry, but it's their business you know?" He said.

"Yeah I understand, guess we should go back to the dorms too now," Mina suggested.

"Yeah it is pretty cold up here, let's go." He agreed as they both started to walk down the hill. "I don't have Bakugo's quirk or anything but- if you're cold you can hold my hand too if you want," Eijiro suggested.

Mina's face tinted a darker pink as she reached out and grabbed Eijiro's hand.

Tags: @unofficialmuilover @maddietries

Picture taken from @everypanelofkatsuki, thank you for all your hard work! Go check them out if you haven’t!

[aryxchse]

school president and the troublemaker. | percy jackson x daughter of hera! reader.

a / n ; hello ya'll it's ya fav daughter of hera writer, this fic is written while i listened to my 'old bts songs' playlist, you know i'm talkin' about you just one day!!!

warnings : cursing, teenagers (that's should be a warning), this is writed by according to my countries school rules so deal with it, also grover, y/n, annabeth and percy are my favorite gang fr, rival-ish friends to lovers??, percy beating the shit out of some guy, mentions of staring, blood, no kiss on the lips ugh

"i fucking hate mondays," the son of poseidon whined, crossing his arms on his desk and leaning his head on them.

the first two class was history, which it didn't made anything better for him. he was a math guy, he didn't liked reading and stuff. but you and annabeth seemed to really enjoy it, even though annabeth is literally dislexic while your adhd was messing with your head.

grover sighed in front of him, leaning his head back until it rested on percy's desk. "i know right?" he said, fixing his green beanie. annabeth and you sighed, rolling your eyes at the two lazy boys.

"oh please, today's class is about mythology. i'm going to fuck that bitch up," annabeth said, smiling at you. you smiled back, knowing how much she hated your history teacher.

"you're fucking every teacher beth." percy yawned next to you, looking at the blonde girl. "they all hate you at this point for real."

"don't care," annabeth shrugged, looking like she was proud of herself. which she was. "they should educate people with truth, not a fucking lie."

"speak louder queen!" you agreed with her, while taking notes to your clipboard. there was a lot of shit going on in this big ass school, and you didn't know why you wanted to be a president of it this much.

at the beginning of the year, percy told you that you shouldn't get ahead of yourself—meaning that you guys can get expelled any day. but it never happened, it was yours second year in this school. three demigod's and one satyr, in the same school for two years. they should write and teach this in history too!

you had a way of talking out of problems, so whenever you four caused a trouble, everyone acted like nothing happened because of the mist. you controlled it in some type of way, because you wanted to be a president of some school before you become an adult.

back to now, percy peeked from your shoulder to see what you were writing on the clipboard.

— TO DO LIST —

visit the art, music and sport club to see if they need anything ✓

send the principal the needs of the clubs ✓

hang the new concert posters to schools board ✓

check if the p.e class needs anything

meeting with the other members at 13.00, lunch break

take the list of needed books in the library and hand the list to principal ✓

help the teachers or principal with the paperwork or sending them to where they should go ✓ (done for today)

you tapped your pen on the clipboard, focusing on the tasks you haven't done yet. percy sighed next to you, getting overwhelmed with how much work you had.

percy and annabeth was in the president club thingy with you, annabeth was the leader of the library club while percy was the sport clubs. they handed you the lists you writed on your clipboard. percy joined you to skip some classes and spend some time with you while annabeth just liked to be in charge.

"i didn't know we had a meeting today," percy whispered to you as the bitchy history teacher came into class. you rolled your eyes at the boy, putting the clipboard away to open your history notebook.

"i literally texted it in our groupchat. but you decided to ignore it and write 'what are we doing after school tomorrow?'" you reminded him. percy was about to answer you, but the teacher started yelling.

"alright kids, today we're learning about the twelve olympians and their wars!"

the four of you tried your hardest to not laugh, instead sharing side-eyes.

"man, for the first time this class will be fun," percy said, resting his cheek on his palm.

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞

the class was indeed fun.

annabeth had so much fun fixing the teacher's every mistake while the rest of you tried not to laugh. but you took notes anyway. you wrote the notes in ancient greek for the gang to copy from you, since they had dislexia and couldn't read.

"you're the best," annabeth said, kissing your cheek as you handed her the notes. you smiled, blowing a kiss to her way as a response. grover sat next to annabeth while eating a vegan sandwich, and percy was trying to get a drink from the machine.

"ya'll have any more cents?" percy asked, angry at the machine. you sighed and stood up, giving a good kick to the machine. it started working again, dropping percy's blue coke with some snacks. you smiled at him, flipping your hair while you returned to your seat.

"like i didn't know how to do that," he murmured, taking his drink with his now free snacks. he gave the chips to annabeth while handing the m&m's to you. he took the fish cracker to himself, holding it in his mouth to open his coke.

there was this little table at the end of the corridor, right next to the food machine. it was you guys usual spot, and everyone knew it. except the lunch times at the cafeteria, you four always hanged around here.

annabeth rested her back against the wall, laying her feet on top of grover's lap. the satyr didn't mind, since they usually sit like that. your seat was in front of annabeth, as you rested your head against your palm, taking a support from the wall. percy leaned against you, putting his whole weight on you while he eated the fish crackers messily.

you paid no attention to him as you wrote something on your clipboard again. "did we have anything missing in p.e class? like some new basketball's?"

annabeth looked up as she thinked for a moment. "the new one we got apperantly blowed up, at least that's what james told me." you groaned, smashing your head -gently- to the table. "i fucking hate basketball team."

"same," grover said, eating percy's now empty diet coke. "they're like hydra's."

percy laughed at that, making a fist bump with grover.

"when was the meeting again?" grover asked after the laugh session with percy. you groaned again, head still on the table. "read the fucking group chat for gods' sake!"

"man, chill." grover raised his hands in defeat. annabeth closed her own notebook while handing you yours. "thanks babe." she said, patting your head gently. you only made thumbs up to her, leaving the notebook on the table.

percy sighed and sat straight, putting your notebook in your bag. he held you by the waist and made you lean to his shoulder, taking your clipboard away from you. "you've already done almost everything here, the others are useless." he said, voice soft.

you hugged percy's arm to support yourself and annabeth slightly smiled to herself. as your chin rested on top of his shoulder, you looked at the clipboard. "i know but the p.e class is worst than everything i did there, it's so tiring."

"i can help you, you know." he said, putting the clipboard on the table and looking at you. you pulled yourself away to look in his eyes. how those ocean eyes can held so much care in them?

"but you hate checking p.e class," you said quietly, hands still lazily on his bicep. he smirked, putting his own hand on top of yours.

"if it's going to make you shut up, then i'll be glad to help." he teased, and you can see it in his expression. you only rolled your eyes, smile betraying your fake annoyance.

"wow, what a nice man you are percy jackson." you complimented, patting his bicep. he flexed them while he gave you a cocky look. "i know pretty."

"i'm gonna throw up," annabeth said, still smiling. grover nodded, gagging playfully. you both sticked your tongue out to them, chuckling.

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞

"that's it, i'm not fucking letting you help me through the p.e class check again." you hissed, making percy sit on the infirmary bed.

he fucking had a fight. apperantly some guy from the soccer team checked you out in that pretty school skirt of yours, and percy noticed it. you didn't know why he was this protective or annoyed when it camed to other guys, but now you had to deal with his bloody lip and eyebrow.

"he was fucking you with his eyes, what i was gonna do? give him a view?" he snapped back, his normally sweet shade of sea green eyes now as dark as a storm. you hated when percy looked at you like this. his hatred was easier to see. it wasn't towards to you, it's never towards to you. but you can't help but feel like you're being attacked too.

"nothing, percy. nothing!" you said, your own eyebrows furrowed. no one was in the infirmary because the school sucked at being responsible. you made sure to point this to principal too.

luckily, your best friend was a demigod, who can heal with water. but unluckily for you, there was no water near. so, you had to caress his wounds like the old ways. still, he healed much faster than a mortal could.

the moment alcoholed cotten touched his lip, he hissed. "what the fuck you mean nothing?" he said, but his voice wasn't loud. "you- you had a crush on him or something?" the last sentence camed out his lip weak.

you rolled your eyes at the boy, who's now had a worried expression on his face. you couldn't understand why, but he looked like he could cry if you touched him. "don't tell me you have a crush on that fucking asshole. you can't be serious, i mean- have you seen hi-"

"percy shut up for gods' sake!" you yelled and he jumped. it made you feel a bit bad, but he was not making any sense. you stopped wiping the blood and cleaning the wound on his lip, now starting to put some bandages on it.

"i don't have a crush on the guy, i don't even know who he is." you explained, now wiping his eyebrow. he didn't flinched on this one, instead he was focused on you. "but you can't just attack people just because they're looking at me."

"he wasn't looking, y/n/n. he was literally-"

"fucking me with his eyes, i know." you shushed him gently with your words, your eyes holding too much care in them. weren't you questioning his eyes back then?

you were standing in between percy's legs, and you both were face to face, even though he was sitting. his expression was soft once again, and his eyes shined like always. you held his chin gently while carefuly treating the wound. "but he didn't dared to do anything, did he?"

"i would like to see him fucking try." he hissed.

"believe me, he wouldn't." you assured him, now bandaging him once again. he had a confused look on his face, but one side of him telled him you were right. "those guys like that can do nothing but stare."

there was a silence between you two now. percy kept sitting on the bed while you put away the first aid kit. after that you camed back to your previous place in between percy's legs, hands resting on his thigh.

he gently held your wrists in return, thumbs caressing the place gently. the boy was in the other infirmary in school, since they didn't want to put him in the same place as percy. you wondered how was the boy, because percy was literally about to kill him.

"how am i gonna get a boyfriend if you keep attacking the boys around me?" you joked, and for the first time, percy didn't laughed. he still looked down on your now intertwined hands, looking like he was in some kind of a trance.

you didn't want a boyfriend anyways, you wanted percy. the joke was to lighten the mood, but to also see his reaction. you we're having suspicions or delusions lately, about him liking you back. and you wanted to get a real answer for yourself.

luckily for you, percy was about to give you one.

"i don't want you to have a boyfriend, to be honest." he whispered, his forehead resting on your shoulder. your cheek -you didn't know why- immediatly found it's place on his head, smelling the salt water scent he had.

"why? you wanna keep me to yourself?" you chuckled, asking what you wanted to ask for a long time in a jokeful way.

"yeah, actually." he said.

you frozed. you wanted to keep your actions as warm as possible for him to not think you would ever reject him. you did wanted to get some real answers, but not stomach flipping, toe curling and cheek blushing one like this. your heart beated so fast that you thought you we're having a heart attack, and your breath hitched.

"what?" you managed to ask softly, and your voice felt like an angel to his ears.

"i'm sorry i-" he choked in his own words, afraid to face you. he still kept his head on your shoulder, in fact; he nuzzled into your neck a bit. "i don't want to ruin our friendship, but... in some way i do."

you chuckled, and he felt like the weight on his shoulders lifted.

"i kinda want that too," you whispered back, hands now caressing his bicep. his hands find their way onto your waist, holding you firmly close to himself. his heart was about to pop out from his body and met with yours, just chilling inside your body instead of his. weird way to express what he was feeling, but percy was never good with words anyway.

"yeah?" he breathed out, his smile can be heard from his voice. your own smile matched his, so bright that sun would be jealous. "since when?"

"oh man, i don't want to answer this." you joked, and he laughed. that's the react you've been waiting for. "you'd think i'm obsessed with you."

he raised his face from your neck to look at you, his eyes shining as bright as the sky now. you loved how his emotions reflected in his eyes, making him not be able to hide anything. you knew him better than anyone else anyways, he was always an open book to you.

"oh please, i don't have the right to judge you when i'm this whipped." he said, making you laugh. "we're we even friends this whole time?"

you laughed harder. "you know what? i think the fuck not." you answered through giggles. "we we're just two idiots who pretended to be friends."

as you both laughed there, to your whole situation, percy hugged you tight. an air escaped your lips in suprise, but you were quick to hug him back.

"you don't have any idea how relieved i am right now," he mumbled to your neck, leaving a few light kisses there. your hands caressed his raven hair, massaging the scalp. "i love you, so fuckin' much."

"i love you too, seaweed brain." you said back quietly, kissing on top of his head.

he was about to kiss you on the lips when annabeth and grover barged in.

"finally you idiots!" annabeth said, crossing her arms and resting her back on the door frame. grover put his arm on her shoulder, smirking.

"it's about fucking time, eh?"

[saberamane]

Ok, I've found something that really pisses me off about AC Valhalla.

You can choose to apply new/more tattoo's to Eivor or change hair styles, which is great. But why won't Eivor stop fucking moving?! I'm trying to look at a design and he's fucking turning and tilting and just...UGH! HOLD STILL!

Why Ubisoft? Why couldn't Eivor just stand still like a corpse while I customise him?! The second I turn him myself to see a design, because he's moved and hidden what I was looking at, HE FUCKING MOVES BACK TO THE START POSITION!

I know a lot of people will say this isn't a big deal, but it's irritating. I shouldn't have to fight with the character just to see what the design looks like. If I want to see what it looks like from a different angle, I can move Eivor myself.

JUST HOLD STILL EIVOR!!!!

[ronika-writes-stuff]

This Starving Heart

# 3. Accidents - I

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

“How did you get hit?”

“Hmm?”

“During practice…how did you get hit?”

Ishan tried to keep his tone even and unbothered. 

The opposite of what he was feeling inside. 

Shubhman had buried himself in his blanket roll and was scrolling through his phone while half asleep. 

Something was….  off about him. 

Ishan couldn't recall anything specific which made him think that, but he could pinpoint some moments where he just knew. 

For example, right now, the sudden panic in his sleepy eyes at a simple question. 

“I…”

Apparently There was no snarky or sarcastic reply waiting to pop out.

Ishan paused the running episode on his tab and turned to fully Face his roommate. 

Something is off. 

“I got distracted.”

And then he buries his head inside the blanket roll before Ishan can form a Retort. 

So Ishan just snorts and turns back to his tab and resumes the episode. 

Ten minutes later He realizes he's losing the plot because he can't focus. 

Not when his mind keeps repeating and rewinding every single interaction he's had with Shubman in the past 24 hours. 

He's been like this since the morning, he realizes. 

Closed off, dazed, jittery, ‘distracted’...as the guy called it. 

But… .why? 

The pending episode doesn't hold his attention again that night. 

When he finally puts his tab away and closes his eyes, he dreams of silly smiles and flighty eyes. 

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

The Next day, after their morning practice ends, they all head straight to the dining hall for breakfast. 

Except Shubhman , who insists on taking a shower first and runs back to their room. 

They all finish their breakfast and he grabs a plate before heading to his room. 

His roommate hasn't contributed to raising his blood pressure in the past 24 hours, and Ishan feels like that's a feat he should personally reward him for. 

Except when he reaches his room and opens the door-

Shubhman is there. 

Shubhman is covered in glistening drops of water, wearing nothing but a loosely tied towel around his waist and blow-drying his hair.

Ishan allows himself two full seconds to just stare at his naked back. 

Then he fully enters the room and the door shuts itself behind him.

Shubhman visibly flinches and turns. 

“Your hair and makeup maintenance was taking too much time, so I got your breakfast.”

But his eyes never drift towards the plate. Instead he looks at Ishan, then at the floor, then again at Ishan, then at the wall towards his right. 

After a minute of awkwardly making his eyes dance around, he simply says,

“Um… can you…can you get out please?”

. . . .

Ishan probably would have thrown the plate at him if not for the ‘please’ added in the end. 

“Excuse me… What?”

He keeps the plate on the bed before his initial instinct to hurl it takes over. 

“I'm changing…so, get out!”

He's Louder this time, but it just sounds whiny to Ishan.

He grits his teeth.

“I…brought. You. YOUR BREAKFAST! and you're telling me to get out!?”

He probably shouldn't shout like this, but at the moment, he can't be bothered to give a damn.

“I didn't mean it like that! 

Ugh… I'm changing…why can't you just get out for two minutes!?”

“Why should I get out!? 

You change clothes everyday, what's the big deal anyway?”

“I Want some PRIVACY FOR GOD'S SAKE! 

GET OUT ALREADY!”

Shubhman almost screams the Last part. 

Privacy? What privacy? They change clothes in front of each other all the time. 

Ishan has no idea why it's suddenly a big deal. 

But before he can convey what he feels (mixed with some profanities), the loosely tied knot of the towel around Shubhman's waist comes undone. 

He squeaks and tries to grab the falling corners with one hand while trying not to drop the blow dryer he was holding in his other hand. 

The sight of his roommate awkwardly trying to hold the blow dryer while trying to hold the towel together is……hilarious. 

So hilarious that it instantly makes him forget how pissed he was two seconds ago. 

Shubhman has turned a hilarious shade of red and is desperately trying to tie the towel back together while balancing the dryer. 

Ishan can't help but give into the laugh that's building up in his throat. 

His Roommate is trying to glare at him but it fails as his face and ears are flushed while he's hunched over trying to keep himself covered. 

He finally stops and takes pity on the poor guy who looks close to tears after being laughed at.

He walks towards him and Shubhman starts backing away. 

An odd, thrilling sensation runs through him when he sees the usually smug guy completely embarrassed and backed into a corner for once. 

That just tempts him into bullying the guy even more. 

His chain of thoughts might have shown themselves in his expressions as Shubhman panics. 

“Wait... Ishan? Ju- just Wait a second…I- .…….. ISHAN... STOP!?”

Ishan doesn't stop. 

He takes slow steps and doesn't stop until there's barely a foot's distance between them.

He takes the dryer first, turns off the switch and places it on their bedside table. 

Then, He grabs the towel. 

“Let go, Shubhman.”

He doesn't.

Instead, he holds on tighter, screws his eyes shut and shakes his head in a ‘no’. 

Ishan gives the towel a tug once more and then uses his full strength to simply snatch it.

Shubhman flinches and almost curls into himself while trying to grab it again. 

“Stay still for a second, Idiot.”

Ishan holds both ends, brings them together and ties them into a proper knot which won't fall open in two minutes. 

He looks up and just….stares. 

Lowered lashes shyly look at him and instantly turn away. There's a light flush on his cheeks that goes all the way down to his neck. 

His ears are bright red. 

What a pretty sight. 

Ishan steps back. 

“Finish your breakfast quickly and come downstairs.”

He turns around and walks out. 

“Oh and- "

He takes one last look at the flustered guy,

“learn how to tie a knot please. You don't want this to happen in the dressing room.”

The way his face reddens kind of boosts Ishan's mood for the rest of the day. 

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Gods I took Wayy too much time to post this... Will try to update regularly from now on.

(key word - try)

Also, the timeline is a bit off (because I'm dumb) but this is just ishan's pov in between the week that shubhi mellows out. It will continue for the next few chapters now.

Please gimme feedback /comments they serve as duel for writing. ฅ'ω'ฅ

Tagging : @hum-suffer @bimesskaira @ishuess @fortunatelycrazyyouth @ispeakmorelanguagesthanyou @athena-swords @happypopcornprincess @deeee60 @melancholicmonody @hanaahaa @roseromeroredranger @books-butterbeer @imjellyjenny

Also Do tell me if y'all want me to add or remove you from the taglist ❣️

[ao3cassandraic]

I'm a little confused, what trouble did the Internet Archive get into exactly?

By this I mean, is it going down? Or is it just dealing with politics behind the scenes?

(I occasionally find the Internet Archive to be useful, so I hope it doesn't disappear)

Okay, so, it helps to have context here. First, IA.

IA has its fingers in several pies:

the Wayback Machine (and allied services such as Archive-It) for website preservation

software (including game) preservation

print digitization, which started (I think) as an add-on to software preservation (because manuals matter!) and expanded to pretty much whatever print IA could get its hands on

a lending system for the above digitized collection, known as the "Open Library"

lately, machine-learning tools intended to operate over its digitized-print collections (it's still building this out, I've seen some of the grant applications) -- nothing generative-AI-like yet that I know of, however

A lot of this work is only dubiously and uncertainly within the scope of US copyright. (N.b. IANAL, IANYL, I am certainly not Internet Archive's lawyer, TINLA.) IA takes refuge largely in audacity, and in the centrality of the Wayback Machine to web preservation generally. So they have been known to pull the "if we lose this legal case totally unrelated to web preservation and have to pay gonzo fines, Wayback is in peril!" ripcord.

Is this true? Hell if I know, I don't audit IA's books. I doubt it, though.

What they're in trouble for -- what an appeals court shot them all the way down for yesterday -- is what they did with their Open Library of digitized print books, many of them in-copyright, during COVID lockdown. And to understand all that, we have to untangle some things about US copyright. Ugh, somebody hand me a read-more link.

Why can libraries lend print books, vinyl, cassettes, CDs, and DVDs in the US? Because of a legal doctrine called "the first sale right," which goes like this: if you have a legally-produced physical object containing copyrighted material, you can do whatever the fuck you want with that physical object with zero copyright implications --other than reproduce/copy or perform it (which does have copyright implications, complex ones).

You can (yes) burn it. You can lend it to a friend, or an enemy, or a random stranger. You can give it away. You can throw it away. You can resell it. You can hang it on your wall or in your window. You can make an art installation with it. And the copyright owner cannot win a copyright-based lawsuit over any of this, even if they hate what you're doing! Even if it competes with them selling new copies (as the resale market absolutely does, and as some jerkfaced copyright owners -- usually corporations, not authors! -- love to complain that libraries do)!

Here's the thing, though, and it's an important thing so I'm gonna big-type it:

The right of first sale does not apply to anything digital ever.

Not ebooks (digitized or born-digital, doesn't matter). Not streaming anything. Not paywalled online news or research.

When libraries offer these to patrons, it's through contracts with publishers or aggregators. Long story short, a lot of these contracts are ridiculously restrictive (not to mention expensive) to the point of cartoonish evil, but it's what we have to work with.

The idea behind Controlled Digital Lending is "if libraries purchased a physical item legally, we should get to lend the item to one person at a time as we always have, and it shouldn't actually matter whether what we lend is the physical item or a digital version of it, as long as only one or the other is out to a patron at a given time."

Which is an untested legal theory! I can't tell you whether it's legal! Nobody can! The case law doesn't exist! Yeah yeah, there's relevant past cases in both directions having to do with accessibility or Google Books or whatever, but a specific precedential ruling on CDL is not a thing that presently exists.

No, not even now. Because what IA did with its Open Library during lockdown, and got slapped down for by the court, is not CDL as defined above. IA didn't hold to one-person-at-a-time-per-book. They tried to make a fair-use argument for what they actually did (that is, not for actual CDL), and the court was not having it.

The thing is, IA's stumblebummed legal fuckup means that actual CDL, as actual libraries (n.b. the IA is not an actual library or an actual archives, I will happily die on this hill, I loathe IA like poison and do not want to admit them to my profession, IA people have dissed me and my work TO MY ACTUAL PHYSICAL FACE and they only love libraries or librarians when trying to hide behind us) were trying to design and implement it, now faces additional legal hurdles. Any court looking at an actual CDL program has to take into account IA getting slapped down. And that's if we can even find a library or library consortium with deep enough pockets and hardcore enough legal representation to even defend such a case.

The thing also is, IA just issued Big Publishing a gilt-edged invitation to use this precedent to sue actual libraries, especially academic libraries, over other things we do. (I'm gonna pass over exactly what in silence because I do not want to give those fuckers ideas, but... there have been past lawsuits, look 'em up.) THANKS, BREWSTER. THANKS EVER SO. Asshole.

For a calmer take than mine, check out Library Futures, which to their credit has not given up all hope for CDL.

This IS the short version of all this nonsense, believe me. I used to teach a whole entire three-credit graduate-level course in the long version. (Which IA would doubtless diss to my face if they knew about it.)

[lifeinkinder]

Rambling thoughts because it's Friday, I have many things to do and I'm tired.

I haven't had any appetite since like Tuesday. Didn't eat dinner Tuesday. Had yogurt and granola for dinner Wednesday & Thursday. Likely just having a protein shake tonight. I don't know whats up with me.

I have spent at least 4 hours a day every single day for the last 10 days in my classroom. Obviously none of it was paid because that's not how this works. But it's unpacked, decorated, and organized. And more importantly, I feel positive about the new space.

My new admin team seems amazing. Of course the test will be when students are in the building. But without students, they are personable, approachable, and kind. Like my AP knows my name and used it today! Which shouldn't be a big deal, but I'm decent positive last year's shitshow admin didn't know my name and the prior year's admin would only call people Ms/Mr/Mx. xyz even if that wasn't what they wanted to be called.

HR is really trying to rally folks to do unpaid work by telling us that if we finish our safe schools trainings by Aug 30 we're entered to win a personal day. They're giving away 5. In a district of 500+ staff members. I'd guess probably 100-200 people will finish by the deadline so the odds of winning an extra personal day are low.

I have 91 PD hours left to change lanes (this doesn't count the credits for the class I took because I don't know how that will translate in terms of PD hours - likely between 24 and 45 hours since it's a 3 credit hour course, but who knows).

We're officially back on Tuesday.

My humans have transitioned to a new daycare. Drop off is ROUGH. They're both crying when I have to go and I have so much mom guilt. It's killing me. Every time she sends pictures though, they're both happy. And when I pick up they're both happy. So it's just a rough separation. Which is did expect. They're 16 months old and the separation from mom to a new person is HARD but UGH.

[drawsdenfiles]

You should not evaluate candidates for office by whether they’re assholes, but by their proposed policies. Which of Trump’s policies seem like good ideas to you? Why do they seem like better ideas than Biden’s policies?

I agree, and people shouldn't evaluate candidates based on what they see on tumblr, x, or instagram either.

Warning: It's another big one, you guys.

SIDENOTE:

I think people should look to the independent journalists who aren't advocating for violence, who aren't saying everything the media is saying, and who might even actually live in the country or city they're talking about. At the very least, listen to the people are affected by what's going on and who are willing to talk about it. I really like the people who you wouldn't have expected to be saying what they're saying, they're really cool.

I'll try to list a few people I've been listening to, in no particular order. I feel these people are very calm and very down to earth, and do an amazing job at explaining why they feel the way the do.

Amir Odom- criticizes racists and talks about the hypocrisy within the LGBTQ+ community, as well as the disturbing, ongoing trends involving children. Misha Petrov- talks about her journey out of the leftist mindset and addresses social trends through responding to tiktoks and sharing the stories sent in by her viewers. Amala Ekpunobi- was once a very serious and outspoken advocate for the left, however has since changed her stance and details her experiences on both sides. Mahyar Tousi- lives in Britain and talks about the protests/riots that are currently taking place all over the world- Britain, France, America, etc, and how they affect the communities around them, as well as the rest of the world. Tyler Oliveria- visits the cities that are being hit the hardest and interviews the people who live there, including those on their way to work as well as those who are unfortunately homeless. They all have something to say, and Tyler gives them the chance to say it. Cash Jordan- lives in New York and is currently covering the immigration crisis they're dealing with. He posts almost every day. Depressed Ginger- talks about current events in American politics and reviews the polls just about as often as they're coming out.

That's just a few of the people I like. I can't keep up with every single video they upload, but whenever I can, it's always an interesting listen.

BIDEN POLICIES vs TRUMP POLICIES

Okay. Policies. I'm going to pick, like... I don't know, 3 policies and I'm going to compare them as best as I can. If there's a policy I didn't mention that you would like me to talk about, please feel free to ask. We'll do immigration, foreign policy, and environmental policy, and I'm going to primarily focus on what we've seen out of each of their presidencies.

Keep in mind, I'm obviously supporting Trump and so you're going to see a clear bias in here. Hey, at least I'm honest.

Immigration:

Most of Biden's policies involving the border/immigration seem to solely exist just to reverse whatever Trump did, which is... ugh. He stopped construction of the border wall and lifted Trump's travel ban which restricted travel of nationalists from countries such as Iran, Venezuela, and North Korea. There's more countries than that, but I thought those three were the most "duh" ones.

Since Biden became the president, millions and millions and millions of immigrants have come into the United States illegally, without any identification whatsoever. Hundreds of thousands(probably millions) of children have totally vanished under the watch of freaking Alejandro Mayorkas, who was brought into office in February of 2021, under Biden.

By the way, if you don't know who Mayorkas is, he's the 7th Secretary of Homeland Security-- and I don't care what anyone says about Ted Cruz, this short video where he's going off at Mayorkas kicks ass, man. You need to listen to some of these senate hearings, guys, they're wild. Listen to the full video if you can, this guy is screwing American citizens and illegal immigrants alike, and I just don't think he cares. At all. It's satisfying to watch him getting yelled at.

Trump, meanwhile, wants that all to be totally shut down. You can argue that Biden's shutting down the border now, but come on. A little late, huh? Way too late?

Children are vanishing, citizens are being murdered, and bodies of these immigrants are turning up all over the place- people are literally finding dead bodies in their backyards. There are people affiliated with Hamas and Isis, who are just in the United States now. No idea where they are, but they're here. Somewhere. I haven't even mentioned the freaking fentanyl problem, what a nightmare that's been just by itself.

Yes, Trump wants to do a massive deportation, of course he does. This. Is. Insane. There are innocent asylum seekers, yes, but then there's these millions and millions and millions of military-aged men with nice clothes and nice phones from, what was it, like, 151 different countries? If you honestly believe that each and every single one of these millions and million and millions of people are totally safe and totally wonderful, then... I just... Ugh.

Foreign Policy:

This one should be pretty easy. We're lucky in that we've seen what Trump's done and now we've seen what Biden's done. I don't think that happens a lot, where both candidates have already been the president.

Under Biden, not only have we been printing more money that God could have ever predicted, but we're either giving all of that money to the illegal immigrants, to weird electric scooter stations that nobody asked for, or, we're sending all of that money overseas. Just an insane amount of money. I do believe in helping our allies, of course- however I'm not sure if our allies are actually getting the help they need.

I mean, how much did it cost us to build that pier in Gaza, a freaking $130 million? And what did it do? Nothing. It did nothing but waste $130 million to make things worse. Biden's foreign policies are... like. They're bizarre. They're the kind of bizarre that makes me want to say some things that I don't think you guys are ready for yet, but just know that I personally think they're freaking bizarre. SO BIZARRE. Oh my god, what the hell, they're so.... suspicious. Jesus.

Trump, meanwhile, seems to approach his foreign policy with the head of a business man, calling out other countries for not paying their fair share in exchange for the work America does for them, which by the way, means that the American people are the ones who have to pay for most- if not entirely for- all of this stuff.

Japan, which is a country I've been able to visit twice and I love it so, so, so much, hasn't been paying their fair share in exchange for hosting troops. I know that sounds messed up at first-- "Why should they pay money to the American Occupation!!!"-- but then you start interviewing the Japanese people and while at first they didn't like it either, many can admit that it's actually nice to have America right there. They're close enough to North Korea and China, and we're all already worried about Taiwan, so. When you take global politics into account, then yeah, maybe America should get paid for being something like a bodyguard to Japan. Ugh, I love Japan. Such a beautiful country and everyone was so nice. I'd like to go back a third time.

Anyway. Trump's done something like that with other countries too, but Japan was the first to come to mind.

The other thing Trump did while he was the president, was put together something called the Abraham Accords: a series of treaties that brought together Israel, the United Arab Emirates, Bahrain, Morocco, and Sudan. This was a huge deal, I remember back when it happened and while I didn't care about Trump back then, I was just soooo, so excited. I don't think we've ever seen anything like that. Ever. It was pretty cool.

Call me biased, I know, but these foreign policies were the things that stuck out to me even before I got all into this political junk.

Okaaaay, last one.

Environment:

I think we all have the obvious impression that Biden loves the environment and his administration wants to do every single thing it can to protect the climate, and that Trump just hates the environment so much and he tried to build that pipeline, and he's trying to take spending out of environmental agencies all over the country, et cetera, et cetera.

I just... Um. I don't know, I've gotten so deep into this stuff... but I don't think it's hard to figure out that Biden seems to really, really, really want to impress China, and yet if he actually cared about the environment, then he should maybe ask them to stop being the biggest polluters in the entire world. Has he done that? Let me know, but he says he wants to make everyone drive electric cars, and I just can't help but think that isn't to benefit the environment- rather, I think it's to benefit China. I think a lot of the climate stuff we see is... I don't know! I don't want to be that guy that's like, "China, China, China," but man... there's just been some freaky stuff with them.

I'm not a total jerk about China though- the people there are really going through it right now and I'm super rooting for them. They're amazing and their protests are really something to look at.

Trump, meanwhile, would like America to be self-sufficient and that's why he's always like "drill, baby, drill." We don't want to have to depend on someone else for vital resources, and if it ever happened that they cut us off- what then? You think gas is expensive now? Ha.

I know a lot of people are worried about their jobs when it comes to environmental stuff, but I also think that the overall budget needs to be totally reorganized. Priorities need to be reevaluated- we need to think about education, economics, and agriculture, and we especially need to figure out the train wreck that is our freaking healthcare system. It's just absolutely horrible.

I know we want to save the world, but how can we do that if we can't save ourselves? Woof. I'm all for helping the environment, but the thing that I think is right around the corner... I don't know. It's not my top priority, I'm sorry to say. Not until things cool down.

[starheirxero]

I don't usually talk about the mgafs, but like-

Bloodmoon has a bomb in their head now- First Lunar, then Eclipse, and now Bloodmoon…it really went full circle- The parallels continue to drive me insane/pos-

ALSO WHAT THE FUCK, DID THE CREATOR KILL A BUNCH OF KIDS?? WHERE DID ANDREW AND JAKE COME FROM??? ARE THEY HIS SONS??👀 ARE THEY JUST TWO RANDOM CHILDREN???

The Laes episode was also just-

Jesus, Sun really needs this! He sounds so tired, so unsure… He has been through everything, and just when he thought, they got through the worst of it, shits hitting the fan so damn fast, he isn't able to process it!

He seems to become rather numb to it. I have seen someone point out, that it could be survivor's guilt, which does make sense. He has seen so much death, both before, and after the separation, and now it's involving people he cares for.

Lunar died, someone who moved out, after Sun yelled at them, likely leading him to blaming himself. Old Moon passed, something he has blamed himself for, I'm pretty sure.

And now it's Solar. This time, Sun simply took the time to relax, to move into the background and leave things be, which now makes him feel as though he didn't do enough, didn't help enough, when in reality, he shouldn't have to. It has just become such a norm to stay on guard for them all, that it feels wrong to take a breather!

I can imagine there being guilt, after living through so many deaths, and being the last one standing. Beside Earth, of course!

There might also be guilt, for not grieving as much as the rest of them🤔 He wasn't as close to Solar, and while he did care, and does grieve, he feels as though he's not feeling enough. Sun has grown so damn weary, he's just kinda going through the motions.

Everyone in this family needs a big vacation, and a lifelong break!

-Stardust

I KNOWWW the way I immediately went !!! at Bloodmoon getting planted w/ a bomb in the same fashion as Lunar n Eclipse. I am UNWELL.

AND THE WHOLE DEAL WITH THE STITCHWRAITH YEA OMG. WHAT IS UP WITH THAT!!!! I think any possible option here is just varying levels of "oh right the Creator is a wretched little man" LMAO 😭

AND SUN AOUGH YEA :( I noticed that he sounded kinda distant too and I was just like aoaughhh... poor boy. It absolutely reads as survivors guilt and that honestly just breaks my heart. I feel like a lotta people worry that Sun has yet to be effected by the celestial family curse, but honestly it makes just as much sense if it never hits him and he's just left with the weight of years on his back, yk???

AND YEA oms I didn't even think about the fact he'd feel bad for taking a step bacl bc he's so used to helping however he could with the Current Events. But now he's just chilling and it feels like he's not being "useful enough" :((( UGH that's so sad. I am SO seconding the vacation and lifelong break </3

[queerfables]

And another episode! This is a 7x05 You Don't Know Me liveblog.

Last one for the night because EXTREMELY APPROPRIATELY, my brother is getting married tomorrow!!!! And I really have to get some sleep.

Oh look it's the atomic habits guy (more or less)

Hen trying not to laugh at Eddie's, ahem, misfortune

FIRST DATE FIRST DATE FIRST DATE

I wonder if there will be any emergency tracheotomies involved

Oh my god I don't think I have ever laughed harder than this moment. As if I wasn't already head over heels in love with him!! Evan Buckley, on a date with another man: "I'm an ally!"

No God listen though because it's just so painfully earnest and real. This is SO new to him, it came out of nowhere and blindsided him, and he hasn't quite had the time to process what it all means. It's like, he met this person and they had a connection and then suddenly he has to re-evaluate everything he knows about himself because of that. He doesn't want to do complicated self reflection he just wants to have dinner with this person who is hot and funny and makes his heart race. Ugh God it's Feeling Soft About Evan Buckley hours again.

Also I love Tommy for not having my reaction to Buck calling himself an ally and being totally chill about where Buck is in his journey. I don't think I could possibly have resisted the urge to be like "Is ally really the word for it?" Fortunately Tommy is a far stronger man than I.

Okay I knew Eddie showed up during this date but I was completely unprepared for Buck's deer in the headlights expression, oh hon.

OH GOD THIS IS EXCRUCIATING

I don't even have anything to say I just had to pause the episode to take a beat and hide from Buck's bizarre macho heterosexual posturing which signals IMMEDIATELY that something is wrong

Oh Jesus "Guess you can never have enough closet space." It's a little on the nose. Poor Tommy. Poor Buck. I think he might be praying for that tracheotomy right now.

Okay "ain't that the truth" I totally understand but the "right, Evan?" was pushing it. Don't get mean.

"BRO" are you serious right now Buck

Oh hon, his little crestfallen face when Tommy leaves even though five minutes ago he wanted to evaporate off the face of the earth rather than be seen with him

"I think you're adorable" wow I feel some kind of way about Buck getting called adorable by a hot older man

Oh I love Denny so much, being so friendly and welcoming with this girl

And she took the bear I'm gonna cry

"I couldn't stop it, it was humiliating" Well at least Buck recognises it. I haven't had second hand embarrassment that bad in years.

I am obsessed with the way Buck tells this entire story to Maddie making it seem like it's only about how he lied to Eddie, like he's not freaking out about the fact that he's into this guy and freaking out about getting seen with this guy and also freaking out about the fact that he's freaking out about it because it shouldn't be a big deal right? He's an ally!!!

And then Maddie's face when he lets the pronoun slip

Thank God SHE gently pointed out the obvious when Buck called himself an ally though because SOMEBODY had to

"Sure I'll check out a hot guy's ass but that's normal" "Uh. It's not abnormal..." lmfao Maddie I love you

CRYING WITH LAUGHTER "IT'S THE SAME TOMMY?" Maddie has gossip for DAYS and she can't tell anyone. No one on earth has suffered more than her.

😭😭😭 "So, tell me more about the hot pilot" and Buck's nervous but pleased grin

:( oh Karen, it's a little sad/disconcerting that Mara destroyed the bear but don't overreact, it doesn't necessarily mean anything you didn't already know ie that she's a traumatised kid struggling with her feelings

Never mind this girl killed her family

(I'm kidding)

"Like sea monkeys!"

"...no"

Buck saying to Eddie, "Which is why you're so... pent up. Well, wish I could help" I'll just bet you do

"That's actually good advice Buck" sound more shocked Eddie

Oh Denny is so soft, being so understanding about getting hurt and not blaming Mara

Bobby wondering if Eddie is having second thoughts about Marisol is interesting. It sounds like moving in together was pretty abrupt, I wonder if something triggered it.

Bobby saying he would want to piss of her ex, ie God!! That's amazing I'm in love with him

This scene with Buck coming out to Eddie is really interesting. I love the way he finally brings himself to say "It was a date". Just, it's a really powerful moment to me. And Eddie being like "wait, Tommy's gay?" as if that is the only surprising part lol. When Eddie says "This doesn't change anything between us" I feel like maybe for a second Buck looked... disappointed? but I wouldn't swear to it

Oh no the hug T_T soft

Wow, "Call Tommy" Eddie says, on his way out the door. I'm having such flashbacks to last episode. The parallel feels intentional but I'm not sure exactly what it means

Eddie and Marisol agreeing to take a step back and get to know each other. The flirty "I can't wait to move out" is a bit cute

Oh no the really soft way Karen talks Mara through everything T_T and Mara saying "night night" at the end

Buck what the fuck

No listen I adore you but you have gone directly from "I don't know what I'm ready for" to "Come with me to my sister's wedding" You guys have been on one date this is UNHINGED

"There's gonna be free food and I need someone to dance with" Oh my god it's soft

Honestly this relationship has me on an entire roller-coaster

Holy shit what a great teaser for the next episode

Final thoughts:

The way Buck is with Tommy reminds me a lot of his soft smitten demeanour around Abby. I really liked that side she brought out in him and it's lovely to see it showing up again. It also makes me laugh that he has such a type, and that type is emotionally mature and highly competent people with a few years on him.

(Eddie may not have any years on him but he for sure fits the other criteria)

Currently the game I'm having fun playing with myself is "how could Buddie happen in the most drama maximising way possible". My current favourite is Eddie impulsively kissing Buck while they're both still with other people and then panicking and running away, leaving Buck to bluescreen about it, but I'm pretty sure I can do better. Maybe something that starts with Eddie and Tommy getting kidnapped by exotic animal smugglers. I'll workshop it.

[here2bbtstrash]

announcement - ko-fi launch! ✨

hello my babes and friends 💕 i hope you all are having a fabulous new year thus far! i am coming to you with an announcement that i am equal parts excited and nervous to make! deep breath, okay~

if you want the (very) long version (y'all know how i am) i put alllllll the words under the cut, but i'll keep it short and sweet up here!

TLDR: i'm moving! and to help fund my efforts, i'm launching a TEMPORARY ko-fi donation page where y'all can send me a little cash if you feel so inclined, because this shit ain't cheap. please do NOT feel obligated to donate if you don't want to or aren't able, and understand that there are zero perks or rewards for sending me any amount in donation - except for the knowledge that you've helped your local orgasm dealer in her efforts to start her life over. 🤍

if you feel inclined to help out, you can do so at my ko-fi via this link - i will also link it in my bio thru june 1st, after which i plan to shut the page down (or when i'm done moving, whichever comes first lmao)

whether you donate or not, please know i adore you with all the horny love in my gay little heart, and i will never be able to properly express how grateful i am that you all exist and that we found each other 💜

keep reading for extremely boring personal life details 😂

as some of you may know because i absolutely like, live-tweeted my way through it, lmfao... i got out of a long-term relationship in the middle of 2022. LONGGGG term, 5.5 years, a relationship where we shared a home and got a kitten and talked about marriage and said we'd be together forever like it was a done deal. and then, it wasn't. which has been - and continues to be - really fucking hard! even though i know it was the right call, ultimately.

and the thing is, ever since that call was made, i feel like my life has been... stuck. on pause. i'm still in the same house, just without that person, without their stuff, and without my kitten (ugh 😭). i still live in the same town, and it's a town i never planned on settling down in, i just moved here for school and by the time i graduated, i somehow had a full-time job and a long-term partner and a year-long lease.

but... now i don't have that partner. now my lease is month-to-month. now the job is fully remote, and they've confirmed they have no problems with me picking up and moving wherever i want. and i've realized over the last 7 months, that i do want. i want to un-stick, to stop feeling like i have one foot in my past and one foot in my future: in short, i really, really want to get the hell out of here.

and i do know where i want to go, i'm certain of it, though for safety reasons i don't feel comfortable sharing that information just yet 💜 but the catch is, it's... over 500 miles away from where i am now - and that is a big and fucking expensive move to sort out 🥴

so! i'm taking a chance and doing a thing i never do (to a fault) and that is - ask for help. allow people to help me, lmao. and i'm doing that by setting up a ko-fi page, where anyone who has both the desire and the means to send me some cash is welcome to.

please keep in mind that this is completely, completely optional, and i really don't plan on mentioning it much after this because i don't want to make anyone who can't give feel bad. because you shouldn't! and if money's tight, or you just don't want to, or whatever - then don't! keep on enjoying the extremely free porn, and please know that i have zero intention of ever putting my writing behind a paywall.

and just to be clear: there is no reward, perk, or special thing you get for donating, so please don't ask. no, it will not encourage me to fill your request. no, i don't take commissions. if you donate and then try to hold it over my head i will refund your money because - i'm good.

however, if you do feel so inclined 🙆‍♀️ - if there's a fic living in your head that you'd like to start paying rent on, or in the words of hali, if i've ever made you wet and you want to pay the water bill (💀💀💀) - you can do so at my ko-fi via this link. i deeply deeply deeply appreciate any amount that anyone is able to give, even just a dollar! (and pls note the email address and info associated with my linked accounts is not my real name, so apologies to anyone who had a grand plan to dox me lmfao)

the page will be live thru june 1st (if i finish moving before then, i'll take it down sooner!) - i think i've stated multiple times on this blog that i work a full-time job that pays me enough to live on, and i would not feel comfortable accepting donations full-time if i didn't have this specific (and expensive 😵‍💫) goal in mind. if by some ridiculously good turn i end up receiving more funds raised than i need, i'll donate the difference to charity and share a screenshot here 💜

alright, i think i've rambled plenty. thank you all, sincerely: whether you end up donating, or reading this lengthy-ass post, or even if you did neither and you're just here. thank you. it might sound dramatic, but i do think having this blog helped save my life in 2022, and now... i'm excited to start my life in 2023, with this fresh start. SHE'S PULLING A LDOMLT READER Y'ALL EVERYBODY LOOK OUT!!! ✈️

[unstablerk800]

Party Punch

Pairing: Connor (Detroit: Become Human)/Reader

Rating: Mature (I'm lazy, everything is mature)

Warnings: none really, harmless fluff (wind down fic in between Soulless chapters, haha!)

Description: A hot priest and a hot vampire appears at the Halloween party and someone spiked the punch. That is definitely a recipe for disaster for you and your friend.

Word count: 2,909

Read on Ao3.

Chapter 1.: Nines

Chapter 2.: Connor 🔽

A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

As you watched your friend leave with Nines, head hung in shame, you blessed your luck that you weren't caught red handed by your own android crush just yet.

Even if you couldn't help giving signs all this time.

You could vividly remember when and how it started. You were moved to murder investigation almost two years ago, along with your partner, and Connor was already there. You got a nice little desk with your friend and of course, you were unlucky enough that you had a wonderful view over that cute android.

It shouldn't sound bad, but it was. Because you couldn't take your eyes off of him.

It wasn't the fact he wasn't human; you've had met other androids and treated them as you'd treat any other human, but there was something more to Connor. You couldn't put a finger on what it was.

And then there was the first time of you meeting him…

"Wow, this looks good", you nudged your friend as you spotted the empty desk where you two would sit. You already noticed your name tag. "Much better than Southfield."

"Ugh", your friend rolled her eyes as you reminded her of your previous city. You both lived in Southfield before you moved over to Detroit; especially because of the android revolution. Both of you were curious how humans and androids lived together. "Stop reminding me of that shithole. I'm so glad we got away."

And there he was. The first to walk up to you both. Still in his standard RK800 attire, with the LED still at his temple. He didn't follow others' examples; it seemed he was perfectly fine with how he looked before the revolution.

"Good morning. I'm Detective Connor Anderson, partner of Lieutenant Anderson. Welcome to Detroit. I've heard so much about you both."

He offered you his hand and you stared at it before you stared up in his face, eyes wide open. You've never seen an android like him; none of them were this expressive, this casual, this nice, this… handsome…

Oh God, you were lost in his eyes within two seconds. You forgot instantly what he was talking about.

You said something – something unintelligable that made him look very confused. You noticed his LED spun with brighter blue for a moment, and you were terrified he scanned you. He probably did. And he probably could clearly see that your pulse skyrocketed; your heart misbehaved like never before. You've been dealing with difficult cases before and you've been in a few near-death situations so far, but your heart never beat as fast and hard as it did now.

Could humans short circuit? Because you were pretty much sure you short circuited.

"What a warm welcome!" Your friend got you out of trouble as you changed colours like a chameleon: first you went as red as a rose, then you went as white as marble. Your friend grabbed Connor's offered hand and shook it. His attention shifted to her, and you could breathe again. "I'm sure we're both looking forward to work with you, Connor!"

They had a little friendly banter while you were still speechless at the sight of him. All you could manage was a weak smile, which he returned before he walked back to his desk. You quickly found out where the restrooms were and promptly locked yourself in in one of the booths to hide in your shame.

"Hey", your friend joined you after a few minutes as you were sitting on the closed toilet with your face hidden in your hands. "Are you okay?"

"Did you even see him??" You whined as you unlocked the door for her. She joined you with an exciting look on her face, closing the door behind herself with a big smirk. "Oh my God-"

"Yeah I did, although I didn't make a complete idiot of myself like you did", she sniggered and you hid your face with your hands again.

"Why do they make androids this way??"

"I'm convinced they're doing it on a purpose. Fuckin' CyberLife. They want to take over the world, mark my words."

"How the Hell will I concentrate?! I've never felt like this in the presence of a- of anyone-"

"Yeah, I know. But you can't work from the toilet", she laughed, patting your shoulder. "We've gotta go and talk to Fowler."

Later that day – after you've tried to get over your emotions and focus on your damned job which was nearly impossible – your friend had a similar reaction when Detective Gavin Reed and his partner, an RK900 android – also Detective – nicknamed Nines entered the DPD.

You've made a conscious effort not to stare, and you placed your hand over your mouth as you appeared to be really immersed in a file on your screen, but your partner was reduced to the same state as you were in when you've met Connor. At least neither Nines nor Gavin felt the need to introduce themselves. They ignored you both.

That was the day when both of you felt like Earth became Hell. Because from that day, neither of you could spend a single day without thinking about them. It was a curse. You wished to get rid of it, and you turned to desperate measures, especially after the celebration of Fourth of July earlier that same year.

As you stared down at your punch in your hand, any good feelings you've gathered with your friend here at the Halloween party faded away. As the memories of the Fourth of July party you've both went to flooded your mind, you couldn't help but feel your throat tighten.

It was held outside. Everyone was invited – a few didn't attend, including Nines, and that fact made your friend very sad, but that was nothing what you had to go through.

You've kept every little emotion to yourself for months. You were very careful earlier that year with your Valentine's card, too; there was no way Connor could figure out who sent it because you were determined not to leave any traces he could follow back to you behind. Quite hard to fool two androids, but it seemed to work. Neither of them behaved differently than before. Nines still was reserved and quiet, and Connor still was friendly and helpful.

But Fourth of July made you rethink your wish to work in Detroit.

There were a few other androids working at the station. Some of them were just outside in the waiting area, registering anyone who wanted to enter; officers, suspects and visitors alike. One of them – a rather beautiful one, at that – joined your group as she'd been invited by someone, and before the celebration started, you also had a pretty good guess who could've invited her.

You weren't near enough to hear what they were talking about. Frankly, it wasn't even your business. Connor appeared to be polite, as always, while she was more on the physical side. The problem was that he took his jacket off so they could sit on it in the grass, and he rolled up the sleeves of his stark white shirt, exposing his perfectly shaped arms – which she kept stroking, making jealousy bubble up in your gut –, and thus, you couldn't help but look at him from time to time to just appreciate the view, and keep an eye on her, just in case.

And at one time when you glanced over at him, you saw that she leaned closer to him to kiss his lips.

It shouldn't've had such an effect on you. Clearly, you were nobody to control who he could or couldn't hook up with. He was free to do whatever he wished, with whoever he wished. But your mouth went dry, your heart felt like it stopped and dropped to your stomach, and all you heard was static noise as you scrambled to your feet and promptly left. Your friend said your name but you didn't stop walking – which turned to running as you started to cry, then to sob. You fumbled with your keys and quickly got in your car and you started to drive home; thinking back, you were really irresponsible as you barely could see from your tears.

Almost four months passed by, and it still left you with a terrible feeling. You didn't know whether they started to date at that time or not; once again, it wasn't your business. In the past few months you've tried to focus more on your job and also tried to flirt with people, but they never evolved into long term dating. People came and went and you felt stupid and lonely.

You walked over to the table where the punch was and poured yourself another glass. Sighing, you started to drink. Alcohol maybe would help you to forget that memory, and maybe it'd also help you to focus on other things. Getting drunk, for example.

"May I have this dance?"

The voice made you choke on the punch. Despite your best efforts, you blushed up to the tip of your ears as you coughed and tried to breathe, turning to stare up at Connor. He looked polite and smart, even dressed as a posh vampire. His fake fangs were missing, you noticed, when he smiled down at you.

"What?" You managed to cough out, placing down the punch on the table.

"May I have this dance?" Connor repeated as patiently as possible, offering you his right hand.

You glanced down at his palm, then back up in his face, as if you were suspecting there was a trap. There had to be, right? When he saw you furrowing your brows, he tilted his head slightly. You could never get used to those beautiful eyes of his. You couldn't get enough of the sight of them. Especially when they were boring into yours.

"Please", he added ever so softly, making your legs feel like jelly.

"Sure", you managed to push through your frozen lips, then you gently placed your left hand in his right.

You were a hundred percent sure that electricity ran through you the second he touched you directly. You tried to recall if this ever happened, but you couldn't remember. You didn't accept his hand when he greeted you when you arrived in Detroit, after all, and you did your best to stay out of his way and view. You never liked to be loud and noticeable around your crushes. You simply... admired them from afar. Dreaming, but never acting upon it.

And now, you had your little hand in his big, strong palm. Unbelievable. His fingers were warm as they wrapped around your hand; soft and gentle and perfect. Just as you pictured it.

"I'm glad Nines took your partner home", Connor stated with a little smile, guiding you a few meters towards the dance floor.

An uncharacteristically slow song played, and Connor did not waste the time to slip his free hand on the small of your waist. You panicked. He was suddenly so very, very close, too close to you. Your arm automatically slid up on his shoulder, your brain barely registering how he was guiding you to dance. Your legs nearly gave out. At least it was dark, so hopefully nobody saw you on the brink of fainting because of Connor.

"Yeah?" You nearly whimpered, making his smile wider. You were mesmerized by his gaze; you couldn't possibly tear your eyes away from his face. "Why?"

"Because I can finally talk to you in private."

"About what?"

The question was automatic. You were so unaware of your approaching doom. You also failed to notice that Connor was in his no-nonsense mood. He was smiling, but he looked so determined to get the truth out of you.

"About your feelings."

Your eyes widened just slightly. Thankfully, you were drunk enough not to break away from him immediately, but he had a good grip on you anyway. Still, you snorted and looked away, only for Connor to pull you right back, even closer against him, making you stare up in his eyes again, colouring your cheeks crimson again.

"No, you won't run. Not this time."

You didn't know why, but his words sent waves of pleasure down your spine. Your brain was giving you all the wrong signals. Stupid party punch.

"My feelings?" You finally gathered your thoughts. "They're not that special, Connor."

"Maybe they're special to me", he tilted his head lower, closer to yours. Never missing a beat when it came to the dance. Perfectly keeping up the image for the rest of the crowd. And making your heart feel like it was beating outside of your body. Could you go to cardiac arrest from his gaze alone? You were sure you'd find out in about five seconds. "So perhaps you could talk about them."

"Is this an interrogation?" You managed a weak smile up at him.

"Most definitely", he reassured you, but there was playfulness in his tone along with all the seriousness. "And I'm the good cop, now."

"Yeah?" You decided to humour him. "And who's the bad cop?"

"Nines."

"Shit."

Your reaction made him laugh lightly. Stupid butterflies in your stomach! Will they ever just cease?! It's been months, they could give you a break! You could feel your own smile fade away a few seconds later. You could turn it into an interrogation, sure. Why not? There was nothing you could lose, apart from dignity. But maybe... if you could discuss it, you could put it behind yourself once and for all.

"Why do you care about my feelings when you have a girlfriend, Connor?"

His foot missed a beat as it was guiding you. Both of you stumbled a little, and despite the shocked expression on his face, you had to laugh a little. When both of you regained your balance, he fixed you with a frown.

"Girlfriend?"

"How rude of you, Connor-"

"I don't have a girlfriend."

"I'd bet she thought differently when you kissed her."

"...you mean Layla? Back in July?" Seeing your expression, you knew he knew he hit the nail on the head. "It didn't work out between us", he admitted softly. "It took me a few hours to realise that I'd rather be with someone else. That was the night when I came to terms with my own feelings."

No, you told yourself firmly. Don't get your hopes up.

"I know you've behaved strangely in my presence from the beginning", he continued, "but... when you walked in the office and I saw you-"

"Nooo", you whined, scrunching up your entire face.

Connor paused. But only for a few seconds.

"-I always thought that perhaps you were afraid of me."

"I wish I was!" You whined again. The song stopped and you pulled away from him, and he let you go. You hid your face in your hands. "I damn wish I was!"

"I'm glad you aren't", he whispered from very, very close. Too close. You didn't even dare to move, but he moved you anyway. His gentle fingers wrapped around your wrists and pulled your hands away from your face. "Please, look at me." You couldn't possibly ignore his soft request. "I'm sorry it took me so long. I'm sorry I wasn't brave enough to tell you... but I wouldn't be able to last one more day without telling you. You have to know."

"Connor-"

"I'm not familiar with these emotions, but... I can't stop thinking about you. I want to make sure you're safe and happy. I wish I could be there with you every night when you fall asleep and every morning when you wake up. I want to be there for you, whenever you need me, and-" His brows twitched. "Why are you crying? Did I say something wrong?"

You couldn't help, you had to giggle at his question. You shook your head.

"No... no, you've said nothing wrong."

"Then why are you c-"

You pushed yourself up on your tiptoes – you were quite a bit smaller than him – and angled your head to kiss him on the lips. He felt soft and gentle, just like you imagined. It was a little, chaste kiss, and when you pulled away and looked up at him, his eyes were still closed, and his LED was spinning in golden circles.

"Do you need a reboot?" You teased him lightly, and he smiled, looking down at you.

"I was saving that in my long-term memory", he admitted.

"How much can you save to your long-term memory?"

"It's basically infinite", he leaned closer to you, resting his forehead against yours.

"Good", you smiled, your lips just an inch away from his. "You'll be saving a lot, then."

"Good", he confirmed, happiness lilting his timbre as he kissed you again.

~*~

Gavin grimaced as he was watching the two lovebirds at the edge of the dance floor. Hank snorted at his expression.

"I thought the punch would get me laid, not the tin cans!" Reed scoffed.

"Look on the bright side", Hank smirked at the Detective. "You helped them to finally get together. Most sophisticated androids my ass; took them months to realise, and it's your booze that cracked the ice for them."

"Phck-", Gavin scoffed, making the Lieutenant laugh.

[redheartedtramp]

More Tramp Thoughts

It's crazy just how tilted this post makes me, lol. It's not a big deal, it's really not, and yet there's a fire in my belly and my anxiety is spiking.

I think I'm just going to block this guy and move on. It's not like he did anything wrong or intentionally hurt me or something so extreme. I just don't want to be reminded of his post and I don't wanna see any interactions with it.

I mean, what do I even say to this guy? "Hi, I don't like this ship you're injecting into my AU, even though I can just ignore you and your post, please don't do this again". This whole thing just goes against why I started this blog, but I'm at this weird crossroad where I feel I have to do something and feel bad or do nothing and feel bad.

Damn, now I don't know if I wanna go back and try to polish up this Age Swap AU, cause now I'm not gonna stop thinking about this one guy. Which is a shame, cause I was hoping to flesh it out a bit and maybe compose some kind of AU Bible, maybe a whole fanfic, when I found the time. But now I feel I'm just gonna be reminded of something that makes me hysterical when it really shouldn't. I have, like, seven drafts of either direct messages and reblogs, but I feel that they're all bad and demanding. I am literally making a mountain out of a molehill all because I just don't like Jaune and don't want Lancaster.

Ugh, I need to sleep.

[milascenta]

22nd of September 11:21pm

I'm sorry for the lack of posts, I've been working on some things, getting tests and just waiting. I'll be able to get some training for a new job my friends do, and that will lead to an actual career, but I have to wait for the course to open up or a two day course that only comes from inside the place, and I'm just waiting for test results for my blood work which should be the start of next month, but then more waiting to see about surgery after that and ugh haha. Just waiting. But at least there's something at the end. Been thinking of starting stream back up since Cyberpunk update and dlc is coming out, update arleady came out and its great, suuuch a good update, but I can't use my facecam for it anymore haha, the update too beafy. Might get a new cpu soon, they're on special at the moment. I'm going to a gig in canberra tomorrow, its going to be one of my last gigs in the band I've decided. This year will be the last, just not what I want anymore been really fun but I've just moved on I guess. We have another gig next Saturday and after that one I'll say something because then we have one last one in november so it will be a big enough gap to say something and leave properly. Chonky's doing good, had a lil upset tummy the other week which was scary, she just wasn't acting herself and being very lethargic, throwing up, almost took her to the vet but she came back around and I was so grateful. Now she's just fine.

Its so great to hear you had a good time at joji and london, I thought you would. I think you deserve it after everything. Flying is such a nightmare, I'm glad you had a weird but great time haha. Having actual food on a plane, I never thought that was possible, I've only ever had like microwave package food or nothing haha. I've only been on like 2 planes though so. You at a goth club is so fitting to me idk why, and I'm glad you met some people to hang with too. That video is so cool and intense. He really puts on a show, having skits and everything, sounds very him tbh haha.

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandma. I have no words, it fucking sucks I hope everything goes ok, Its beautiful to hear your grandparents were together for so long though, very bittersweet. I hate to think of the worst but you will be strong enough to go through anything, you've proven yourself to that. You shouldn't have to of course. I get you with feeling stuck where you are though, and your town being shit. It might not be shit but you've out grown it, I felt the same coming back here too. I'm sure the people around you aren't avoiding you at all, being busy is something hard to deal with and keep up with people. I'm stupid and guilty of it too haha. Just be with her as much as you can, it will be enough and you will be enough.

I'm sorry this is a bit of a short one, I don't have much to say tbh, like I said I'm just waiting around. Its a bit frustrating but its all I really can do. I'll try and start stream up again, I really really want to get back into it, don't know what is blocking me with it. But I'll get through it.

I hope you're doing well, N. I'll write again soon.

"Licking the barrel of a gun, Chewing it like its bubblegum"

[goattypegirl]

Finished Tress of the Emerald Sea. It was cute! Spoilers ahead.

The Princess Bride was an inspiration and it shows. It balances the right amount of seriousness with fairytale whimsy very nicely. I will admit, I'm not a huge fan of Hoid the character, but Hoid is very good as a narrator.

I remember thinking Huck forgor he was a rat a couple of times, and that it seemed like he was also cursed to avoid speaking about the sorceress, but it didn't click that he was Charlie until it was explicitly spelled out. I'm bad at picking up those details. Ah well.

The spores and the aethers really remind me of the Lightbringer series by Brent Weeks, what with the specific substances tied to specific colors and what not. There's. Ugh. God there's a lot i could say about that series but it's a whole thing. Ugh.

Crow was cool. Being a spore eater sucks, but she still went about getting a cure in maybe the worst way possible. She feels like she could fit in Pale or Worm or something. Having an incredible supernatural power very viscerally erupting out of you, which is not so slowly killing you, that you're so desperate to find a cure for you'd cross lines you shouldn't, and manipulate others into crossing those lines.

Tress and Charlie were very cute together, in a way other Sanderson romances haven't really. It really feels like two kids realizing their feelings for each other. Towards the end, where Tress realizes what happened to Charlie and the epilogue, it reminds me of the end of Annihilation, where Lena and Kane realize they *aren't* Lena or Kane. They've both been irreversibly changed, but they've both been changed in similar ways. Now in the movie thats a metaphor for *trauma* instead of finding self worth and the whole 'come back home and find that it hasn't changed but you haven't' is a part of the hero's journey so ok listen whatever fuck you forget about it. Post canceled.

Actually that's a lie cause it's time to talk magic cosmere bullshit. It's weird after like 10 books of very setting specific vocabulary getting generic fantasy words tossed around. Oh he's a familiar, oh that's a dragon, oh she's a sorceress. You get what I mean.

Speaking of which. Xisis, Hoid, and Riina all appear to be of similar weight class. At least, indisposed, pre-Elantrian Hoid. I'm curious what exactly the dragon is capable of. It seemed like he had a whole palace made out of manipulated spores, but how was he able to do that? Is he the reason rain is unpredictable on the crimson sea? Some side effect of whatever hes doing to keep his palace held together? Riina seems a lot more powerful than the average Elantrian. Maybe she's just really skilled? Her tower being a spaceship is interesting, since the last time we saw her was with the Ire, who traveled off-world using the cognitive realm and a really really long pipe. Though seems like this story takes place around the same time as Sixth of Dusk, or at least the intended audience is from that world/time period, and is somewhat familiar with spaceships.

Oh wait shit was the tower sentient? It could talk and understand commands, and apparently the other spaceships the intended audience were familiar with could also talk. That's a big deal right? It's hard to create true sentience, at least with Awakening. Huh.

So. The spores and the aethers. It seems like they're kind of fundamental to magic, since midnight essences show up in the stormlight series, and there's parallels between the spores and soulcasting essences. It's like how multiple magic systems have Lightweaving and ways to enter the Cognitive realm, or like metals. Iron and steel push and pull in allomancy, spore manipulation, and fabrials.

Silver and aluminum are weird though. They both disrupt magic, but in different ways? Silver kills spores and hurts shades, and according to the Coppermind can bind cognitive anomalies?? Excuse the fuck out of me?? Anyway, silver is just. Normal. On Scadrial. The magic metal planet. Like it doesn't *do* anything. Meanwhile aluminum kills all metal reserves, steals powers, stores capital I Identity, and... Oh god. Can't be Awoken, can't be Pushed or Pulled, prevents emotional allomancy, can't be Forged, can be the *product* of Soulcasting but can't be Soulcasted into something else, isn't magically cut by Shardblades, and can scoop liquid out of a Perpendicularity.

Jesus.

Okay all of that is to say that aluminum is generally anti-magic. Except here. Where *silver* kills spores, and aluminum blocks the effect of silver.

That's weird, right? From a Doylist view it makes sense. On Scadrial, something that's immune/negates magic should be rare in the first era/when the magic system is first introduced to readers, but get more common as industry develops/the magic system is more understood by readers and you want to iterate on it. Meanwhile on Lumar, you want something that keeps the killer spores away from people to be relatively common, so you can have like. Civilization. But then you want a way you can play around and experiment with spores so you need something uncommon but not super rare to negate the effects of the first thing. But what's the Watsonian explanation?

Anyway back to the aethers. They roughly correspond with the Soulcasting essences. Verdant spores and emeralds both make plantlife, sapphires and zephyr spores both make air, etc. Midnight spores may be associated with smoke? Theres 10 essences and 12 (maybe 13?) spores so it's not a perfect fit. Crimson especially feels like the odd one out. Maybe Roshar just doesn't have the right color gemstone to make those missing 2-3 essences? Like if someone went back in time to era one Scadrial and gave Kelsier a lump of bendalloy, he'd be able to make a time bubble with it, it's just that era one was never able to make that metal previously.

Actually. Okay. I remember reading some word of Brandon about how Leras or Sazed purposefully changed allomancy? It was something to do with Leras' gigabrained plan to stop Ruin or Sazed setting the seeds for future space travel or something. And that always felt weird to me. I get that they're literally the gods of allomancy, but it still seems weird, you know? I should mention I haven't read The Lost Metal yet so idk if it's explained there.

Speaking of Shards. What is up with Lumar. Which godly corpse washed up here. Autonomy seems likely, since the spores seem like the sand from Taldain, and messing with other planets is on-brand. Again, havent read Lost Metal yet.

This could just be unrelated to any Shard whatsoever, but like. It's a planet with 12 stationary, equally distant moons. Itd be really weird if there wasnt some sentience behind it. Maybe Lumar *was* a normal planet at one point, the some Shard or piece-there-of showed up and made the moons and out of control aethers, and all the islands are just the tops of mountains? That's a real goddamn apocalypse though and I don't know how any human beings would actually survive that so. Theory canceled.

[emptymanuscript]

reorganizing and trying to figure out how to allocate work again today.

So, as of now, I seem to be:

missing the details of James, Zephyr, and JJ getting from Odd Jobs to the Eshu

having an order problem with how James, Zephyr, and JJ explain the metaphysical to Ferris, there's scenes in conflict with each other that don't mesh

missing the details of James, Zephyr, JJ, and Ferris off the Eshu and onto the Dvergar island

missing the entire trip between Dvergar and Titan islands

having a placement problem with the second sex scene, I'm not sure where that goes other than it goes somewhere between Dvergar Island and Atlantis

missing the details of getting from the Atlantean revival preacher to the sewers

missing an entire six days in Atlantis T_T good lord I need a better sob emoji for this one - this is going to be the BIG issue.

missing the journey from Atlantis back to the Dvergar Island

missing ALL of Avalon, which should be short but still

having a total mess problem with the wrap up but that's not too much of a big deal that's probably mostly work for next draft.

missing sex scene 4

missing a failed sex scene between James and Zephyr

missing Ferris losing her shit a little

missing What the hell happens to Sandra and Belau'aru - though I'm not sure that isn't really for the next draft.

missing Ferris taking the Eshu out again but that may also be for the next draft or never

Ugh, that's a lot. I feel like this is more instead of less work than before. -_-

Most of this is actually connective tissue, though. Short bits to move people from one location to the next logically.

I wonder if maybe I shouldn't shorten the length of stay in Atlantis. There's no particular reason that the time skip has to be seven days. Seven Days in Atlantis at the End of the World just sounded cool.

Though I also feel like it is a shame to get to Atlantis and not explore it a little. I feel like so much of Atlantis affected future plot lines. But did it? Really? *Sigh* What really needs to be there is the First Warlock and the Zodiac. Those are the things that really freaking show up in later stories. So there should be something with that. We need at least a day in Atlantis devoted to that.

I'm really not enjoying this part of writing out of order. Feh.

[autumnbrambleagain]

Yhelm p7 - readmore for full

"… can we talk about how last night was fucked up?" Madrigal asked.

Rain was coming scattered and gray on the rooftops of the out-city. Rivulets ran down the walls and left puddles that Yhelm was happily stomping through. "Huh?"

"… last night? With Corbis? You won't catch me saying it wasn't hot, sure, but it wasn't… healthy?"

Yhelm stopped under a wavy roof. A hundred little waterfalls fell in unison onto the cold stones below. And on Yhelm's face. She liked the rain. It wasn't a coincidence she'd reassigned umbrellas from 'keep rain off' to 'this is a weapon.' She had no problem getting wet. She felt like that was a metaphor, and then felt like that was the kind of thing college-Yhelm would have said trying to sound smart. College-Yhelm was supposed to be dead, which meant maybe something was actually wrong.

"Yeah. I don't know," she said. She caught some of the roof water in her mouth as she talked. It tasted like bitter metals. An acadamage had to see the world in metaphors and had to experience everything through literary theory because that was literally how magic worked. It was literally how reality worked. Reality was literature and magic was commentary. She'd chosen to think of that metaphor for a reason. Not point lying to yourself, right? "Yeah. Yeah I guess I'm not feeling great?"

"So, you know I'm not jealous," Madrigal started.

"You are unreasonably laid-back for a weasel," Yhelm agreed.

"This isn't a jealousy issue when I say this. It's not like, I don't want to come across as--"

"Yeah you think I probably shouldn't goad Corbis into uneven, usually angry sex anymore. Yeah."

Madrigal sighed. They didn't like rain like Yhelm did. Kog, Yhelm even looked good with splatters of Wet rolling down her long fur. Maddie just looked sad. Because of the rain. Which was another convenient metaphor. Because reality was created as a work of literature by 9 deer that existed before time on some level it was still a written work. She had gotten so good at not thinking like an acadamage. She wondered if it was trying to distance herself from herself. That seemed right. If she viewed reality like a story she didn't have to accept her place deep in the middle of it. It wasn't her life she was ruining. It was just some character.

Maddie took a few false starts and then asked, "How many times have you and him…"

Yhelm took off her glasses and wiped down a streak of Wet across her fluff. "This is like the third time we've actually, fucked? Ugh. Flyhh what an ugly word."

"Why did you start?"

"I mean he's always Apatted at me he's like that. You remember the time I jerked him off outta spite."

"Yeah. That was actually pretty funny, but."

"Yeah," Yhelm agreed. "Yeah but. I don't know." That was a lie. "So Trackless Gait built a web of little pathways into reality when the world was made."

Madrigal stared at her with their big ferrety eyes. "Aha. Is this, are you doing a thing?"

"Yeah hush. So birmads teleport by slipping into these little hidden roads. But there are other ways to teleport. They're usually, higher level spells? Because Magic is a separate base element from Travel, it's not accessible in all the same ways, so it's usually done in a more round-about approach."

"Right. Okay. I'm following beat so far."

"Right," Yhelm nodded. Right. "Right. So there was one I learned in the Cazirizahd--I don't remember it anymore, and I'd have to actually get it on order to remember it because it was really specific--like I can remember the gist but for magic just remembering the--"

Madrigal interrupted. "Sweetheart, it's great to see you excited about magic," which meant something, because usually Yhelm resented her involuntary education, "but this is kind of a serious conversation that we're having out here in the middle of one of Drizzle's visits."

"I know, I know, I'm deflecting because I don't want to deal with my own emotions," Yhelm said. "Anyway the spell teleported you by codifying this feeling of being without a personal anchor, and just, fucking. This sense of, just, letting go. Just. Throwing yourself out the window because hey there it is."

Madrigal tilted their head. It was kind of adorable. "I've lost the beat?"

Yhelm made this annoyed, miserable dog yawn sound. "Maybe it's Bad Boy's blood. I just. Spicy food. Got it. That's it. It's spicy food. This is me eating something too spicy. Sometimes you crave that. Sometimes you just want, uh, you want--"

"To be hurt?" Madrigal offered.

"Like we're doing all right. We have an apartment. We have steady work. It's, it's sometimes weird and difficult work because we're Guild, but it's work. We got each-other. This is where I want to be, right? Either it's some… adversary instinct to try to upset what I have, or… maybe I feel like I deserve to be doing worse? I don't know. And, I mean, come on. Yeah. Corbis is a jerk sometimes but it's usually when I've actually messed up. And you get a cute guy yelling at you enough times but also he's hitting on you you're just like, okay. I could do with something spicy. Maybe my lips burn. Get a few heat sores, can't taste the next day. I don't know. I'm an adversary, Maddie. I think a part of me is just, obliged to do shit like this. I mean I threw away my acadamage career so I could go be criminals with you."

Madrigal had this look on their face like they weren't sure what kind of look they should have on their face. "But… you didn't come back to be with me just to be self-destructive, though?"

"No, I mean, no. Flyhh's sake no."

"So is what you're doing with Corbis just to be self-destructive?"

It was terrible when Maddie was correct. Because they were always correct exactly when Yhelm felt like she'd come at the solution, had it right in her hand, and then they'd come up and point out she was holding a wad of dirt, and the real answer was like, over there, and she'd been digging in the wrong spot and it wasn't even buried but up on a thing she had to climb to.

Damn if this one wasn't really high up though? She wasn't sure she could reach? "I mean, I wouldn't date him. I don't think either of us could stand the other for long enough."

"Mmhmm."

"Like maybe I got some shape of feelings for him but they aren't enough to. Fuck. I dunno, Maddie. Does it really matter. He's our boss we're his underlings. It's. It's fine. It's how things are going between us and that's just, how it is."

There was that face, where Madrigal gave up but gave up with determination, where you knew they were going to come back to it eventually. "All right. Let's get out of the rain? We're just, sitting here, getting soaked."

"Yeah well we're spending all day in Dockrow in the rain getting honked at by waterfaces. At least here it's just you and me."

Madrigal looked around at the closed windows surrounding them. "And whoever lives here, listening in…"

"Fuck. Right. Okay. Let's go. Hey if anyone's listening to our fucked up life sorry hope you're entertained sorry you won't get to hear the conclusion to it--"

"Yhelm, please!"

"--small payment of 10-want sign up to our relationship newsletter--"

"Pleaaasseeee!"

"--adults only illustrated scenes every tenthday!"