#which used lenka - trouble is a friend

[batshaped]

trouble is a friend, but trouble is a foe...

[ericsonclan]

Theme songs for the ericsons >:)

Okay so we tried our best to pick songs we associate with or feel fitting with each Ericson kid. We put the song title, artist, and a few lyrics that felt on point.

First, though we figured we do one that seemed right for the Ericson kids as a whole and that's How Far We've Come by Matchbox Twenty. "I'm waking up at the start of the end of the world. But it's feeling just like every other morning before. Now I wonder what my life is going to mean if it's gone." "Can you tell me what was ever really special about me all this time?"

Clem: One Foot by WALK THE MOON "Taking this one step at a time. I got your back if you got mine. One foot in front of the other."

Louis: One Little Slip by Barenaked Ladies "I guess, I probably took the wrong direction. Well, I admit I might have missed a sign or two. I ran a light past your affection. At humiliation avenue." "I get the feeling in this town. I'll never live 'til I live down. The one mistake that seems to follow me around. But they'll forget about the sky when they all realize this guy's about to try to learn to fly or hit the ground."

Violet: Easily by Grimes "Fly through the night, fly like everyone I know" "When you leave, I feel so defeated" "You come and go but I love you so"

Marlon: Stressed Out by twenty one pilots "I was told when I get older, all my fears would shrink. But now I'm insecure and I care what people think." "Wish we could turn back time. To the good ol' days." "But now we're stressed out."

Brody: The Show by Lenka "I'm just a little bit caught in the middle. Life is a maze, and love is a riddle. I don't know where to go, can't do it alone I've tried." "Slow it down. Make it stop. Or else my heart is going to pop. 'Cause it's too much."

Mitch: I'm Still Here by John Rzeznik "I am a question to the world. Not an answer to be heard." "I'm a boy, no, I'm a man. You can't take me and throw me away." "And how can the world want me to change? They're the ones that stay the same."

Aasim: I See Fire the cover by Peter Hollens "If this is to end in fire then we should all burn together." "I see fire, blood in the breeze and I hope that you'll remember me." "And if the night is burning. I will cover my eyes. For if the dark returns then my brothers will die."

Ruby: Lonestar by Norah Jones "Lonestar, where are you out tonight? This feeling I'm trying to fight. It's dark and I think that I would give anything for you to shine down on me."

Sophie: That's Amore by Dean Martin. Yeah, it's more of a goofier option but hey we listen to it and it gives us Sophie vibes, well our version at least. She gets a happy song because it's what she deserves.

Minnie: Poor Wayfaring Stranger by Peter Hollen (feat. The Swingles) this one is a cover of the original "I am a poor wayfaring stranger. While traveling through this world of woe. But there's no sickness, toil, or danger. In that bright land to which I go."

Tenn: Into the West the cover by Peter Hollens "Night is falling. You've come to journey's end. Sleep now. And dream of the ones who came before. They are calling from across the distant shore." "Why do you weep? What are these tears upon your face? Soon you will see. All of your fears will pass away."

Willy: C'mon (with Fun.) by Panic! at the Disco "With everything fallin' down around me. I'd like to believe in all the possibilities. If I should die tonight. May I first just say I'm sorry. For I never felt like anybody. I am a man of many hats, although I never mastered anything."

AJ: On My Way by Phil Collins "Tell everybody, I'm on my way. New friends and new places to see." "Not the snow, not the rain can change my mind."

Omar: Le Festin by Michael Giacchino & Camille Yes, it's from Ratatouille but just listen to it and imagine Omar smiling while cooking. It's the perfect song for him.

James: Burning Pile by Mother Mother "All I tried to save my face. All my guts, try to spill" "It goes, all my troubles on a burning pile. All lit up an I start to smile."

[tinytieflingempire]

Wither Rose Alliance Playlist

Alright, well, this has been sitting in my drafts for... a while. To be honest, I’d kind of given up on it; I just lost motivation and had originally felt bad just posting it in the state that it’s currently in.

But, with Season 2 starting as soon as it is, I figured I might as well. Better something than nothing, right? And honestly, if anybody has suggestions for songs for me to add to it (mostly for Gem and Pearl, they’re the ones who I had the most trouble finding songs for) I’ll happily add them and credit you for the suggestion!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7eyrGrJg6cS77Nw3K1OTgv?si=a91866cef2f14234

If you’re curious, here are the songs in order, and what made me choose them!

Wither (by Rachel Rose Mitchell) - I chose it more for the name than for the song itself, but if you kinda like... squint than some of it does kinda fit? lol

Inkpot Gods (by The Amazing Devil) - okay so, at first I was just adding this for the joke of black dye coming from only squid ink or wither roses in the game... but listening to the lyrics, it does actually fit pretty well! I feel kind of like it’s Sausage and fWhip singing to/about Gem (and maybe Pearl too, i’m not actually sure if she’s fully in the alliance?), and then Gem (and maybe Pearl) singing to/about Sausage and fWhip!

Crusader (Are We There Yet (by Black Gryp0n & Baasik) - OKAY YES I KNOW IT’S SILLY BUT!!! The opening lines are literally “Three friends taking on the world together, big plans in a bigger world” and that’s so them!!! You could also say that the line “You’ve done it all from A to Z, are you trying to find your destiny?” fits them basically constantly switching ‘alignments’ (which still staying incredibly chaotic, of course lol)

One of Us (by New Politics) - just a pretty good found-family (and in my eyes I consider the alliance to be a sort of found-family) song, in my opinion :) (you could also consider this being them welcoming Pearl and/or Joey into the alliance, if that’s something that vibes with you! I mean, both of them have rooms in the “Wither Rose Alliance HQ”)

Second Family (by Patent Pending) - Again, just another pretty good found-family song, one that I definitely feels fits their vibes.

Family (by Mother Mother) - very much a roseblings and/or found family song if you include Sausage in it! Especially with the episodes after Scott froze Gem... “If you fuck with them, YOU FUCK WITH ME” (if you fuck with Gem, you’re fucking with Sausage and fWhip... and you better watch your back lol)

Soldier, Poet, King (by The Oh Hellos) - Soldier = fWhip, Poet = Gem, King = Sausage. That simple lol

Defying Gravity (cover by Caleb Hyles & Rebecca Parham) - Mostly Roseblings! Whether it be through magic or tech, they’re (metaphorically and literally) defying gravity. (I say MOSTLY Roseblings because the bit closer to the end about visions is definitely more of a Sausage bit lol)

Ready As I’ll Ever Be (from that one Tangled TV series?) - Not gonna lie, I literally only heard this song once before I started this playlist, but I saw someone else mention it as a good song for the alliance when talking about songs for Empires in general (really sorry I don’t remember who you are but!!! I appreciate the song rec lmao)

Wicked Ones (by Dorothy) - We can all agree that the Wither Rose Alliance were basically antagonists at the beginning of the series, right? Well, this song is for them back then :)

Trouble Is a Friend (by Lenka) - Gem is the singer and fWhip & Sausage are Trouble(TM)

Heathens (by Twenty One Pilots) - Again, we had to get some more Antagonistic!Wither Rose Alliance songs on here, and this song felt like it fit that vibe.

Alone Together (by Fall Out Boy) - I can’t really honestly say exactly what about this song made it feel like it fit, but it’s still here lol

Watch Me (by Icon For Hire) - Vibes for Gem and fWhip being like “whoops maybe we shouldn’t have thought sending the Codvengers into the end would be a good, fun idea” and for Sausage thinking making a deal with Xornoth was definitely not going to end poorly (lmao)

Bad Guy (by Set It Off) - this just had the right vibes. I especially like the line “I stole the moon, I made the stars align” for Gem, “I taught you how to fly” for Pearl (because she is part of the alliance!!! fuck yes), they’re little things but I can just SEE it in my head when I hear the lyrics now you know?

What Have You Done (by Within Temptation ft. Keith Caputo) - Very much Gem & fWhip at Sausage (and/or the rest of the server at the whole alliance, lol. especially the part of “it’s over now, what have you done?” in reference to fWhip stealing the Codfather Head right after they had JUST finished the war by returning the music disk)

Good For You (from the Dear Evan Hanson musical, of which this is the only thing I’ve heard from it lol) - Pearl, Gem and fWhip singing at Sausage because he’s gone all evil, Sausage internally being like “noooo what have I done :(”

Dancing With The Devil (by Set It Off) - Gem and fWhip feeling by betrayed by Sausage turning against them to become Xornoth’s champion. (”Years of us building the trust up / No love was ever enough / I’m foolish to think we were friends / It’s funny how it ends”), and then the end bit is Sausage (”You try to act as if you’re saving me / But you wouldn’t cut the rope if it was hanging me / I’m sick of people saying ‘what you sow you reap’ / ‘Cause I’ve been counting down the minutes of that so to speak”)

Blood Right (by Madame Macabre) - We’re in “this is literally just for Sausage territory” now. I’d quote lyrics but honestly the whole song is pretty good for him throughout several of his arcs!

We Have It All (by Pim Stones) - Sausage in his “Xornoth’s warlock/champion arc” (”Our hearts we have sold / For diamonds and gold / But hey, baby, take a look / We have it all”) (then him at Gem & fWhip: “There’s glory ahead but our love will be forgotten / If my heart was still mine I would go to the bottom / And apologize to you until the day it went rotten”)

Falling Inside The Black (by Skillet) - a nice edgy song for Sausage losing himself to Xornoth’s powers :) (also there’s a nice part that could be him singing to Gem & fWhip “You were my source of strength / I’ve traded everything that I love for this one thing / Stranded in the offering / Don’t leave me here like this / Can’t you hear me scream from the abyss?”)

My Demons (by STARSET) - does this even need any explanation? another song for Sausage losing himself to Xornoth.

Monster (by STARSET) - Yet another corruption-arc Sausage song (not out of that territory yet lol) (though, with the more recent episodes, this one might lean more towards having to do with the actual full separate entity that is corrupted!Sausage! (I put the song on the playlist long before that happened but like, if the shoe fits right?))

Liar (by The Arcadian Wild) - Sausage starting to have doubts about/regretting being Xornoth’s champion.

Open Your Eyes (by Aviators) - This has got to do with, like, Sausage slowly trying to regain control with the help of his friends.

UNHOLY (by The Faceplants) - More corruption-arc Sausage wanting to become uncorrupted but being unable to fight it on his own

How To Save A Life (by The Fray) - Gem working to save Sausage from Xornoth/himself. All while being worried she’s lost him for good. (some of my favorite lines from the song for them are “Let him know that you know best / ‘Cause afterall you do know best / Try to slip past his defense / Without granting innocence”. They just really made me think of them)

The Parting Glass (cover by Peter Hollands, The Fox + The Hound) - This song makes me think of the scene where Sausage is basically writing/reading out his will. (there’s no real reason I chose this cover over other versions, it’s just the one I found the fastest lol)

Coming Home - Part II / Bonus Track (by Skylar Grey) - A nice song for after Sausage gets uncorrupted. (I especially like the lines “I know my kingdom awaits / And they’ve forgiven my mistakes” for Sausage because he is a king after all)

Nightmares & Flare Guns (by Seb Adams) - This song made me think of how Sausage started getting dreams after he was freed from Xornoth’s control.

The Story That Never Starts (by Abney Park) - This song felt like it had the right vibes for Sausage’s new dream-powers and him being able to travel to alternate realities. At least to me, lol.

Broken Crown (by Mumford & Sons) - I can see this as being for Gem or Sausage, depending on how you look at it. For Gem, it’s about her not wanting to be royalty; she’s no queen, or empress, or countess- she’s a wizard, and that’s all she wants to be! For Sausage, it’s about him being done searching for power- he doesn’t want Xornoth’s corrupted magic, he doesn’t want the power of the Server Crown, he doesn’t want any of it anymore!

Brother Stand Beside Me (by Heather Dale) - Finally moving away from Sausage lol. This song is for the Roseblings! Obviously from Gem’s perspective (as fWhip would be her brother in the song).

The Rockrose and the Thistle (by The Amazing Devil) - Another Roseblings song, but this time it’s a Sad(tm) Roseblings song. (I’ll admit that it’s mostly vibes, like not really exact lyrics to scenes. Other than the bit of “And up those cliffs I climb”, that does feel like it could be a good reference point... also the “Rockrose” and “Thistle” part of the song/title makes me think of Wither Roses so, ya know.)

Whatever It Takes (by Imagine Dragons) - This song makes me think of fWhip! He’s just got that vibe of a mad scientist/inventor who would do anything for his craft. (Also, part of the song goes “Whip, whip” and like... “fWhip” literally stands for “Fail Whip” so!!!)

Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) (by Fall Out Boy) - I can’t exactly explain it with the lyrics (and admittedly some of the lyrics match Scott more than anyone, lol, but he isn’t in the Alliance)... but this song makes me think of fWhip.

Arsonist’s Lullaby (by Hozier) - This song just has fWhip vibes to me. Like... he’s basically an arsonist in canon yeah? Sure he doesn’t set things on fire as much as he just blows them up but, close enough right? lol

Bang! (by AJR) - ...Speaking of fWhip blowing stuff up (lol). Yes, this song is for fWhip, I don’t have exact lyrics for this one it’s just VIBES you know?

Come Alive (from The Greatest Showman) - Another song for fWhip, but some lines (like the parts about “dreaming with your eyes wide open”) make me think of Sausage too! It’s just a nice upbeat song and I feel it fits their vibes pretty well.

Spirits (by The Strumbellas) - I got recommended this song by @oklotea​ via an ask, I’d never heard the song before but when listening to it for the first time, it made me think of fWhip and Sausage (”Guns in my head” = fWhip, “Spirits in my head” = Sausage). Very good song, appreciate the rec!  

Come Hang Out (by AJR) - Gem has been so busy with her wizard school, fWhip’s been busy with his inventions, Sausage has been busy learning to deal with his new powers, they haven’t really had time to just ‘hang out’ you know?

And that’s the playlist! Last time I added anything to it, I believe it was before the finale, so obviously there aren’t any songs in reference to their role in that (for now)

[goddessofdandelions]

Dark Academia Suggestions For Women

Books that are also movies: 

Anne of Green Gables 1-4 by LM Montgomery (BBC’s Anne of Green Gables and Anne of Green Gables: the Sequel)

Orphan Anne Shirley is adopted by bachelor Matthew Cuthbert and his spinster sister Marilla Cuthbert in edwardian Canada and must learn to reconcile her romantic and imaginative nature in this coming of age story

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott (Little Women (1994) or Little Women (2019))

A coming of age story following 4 sisters and their mother while their father is off at war. The main protagonist, Jo, is an especially romantic figure

Practical Magic by Alice Hoffman (Practical Magic)

Two sister witches must cover up the murder of one of their abusive ex boyfriend while an agent is investigating his disappearance

The Invention of Hugo Cabret by Brian Selznick (Hugo)

Orphan Hugo befriends Isabelle who helps him unravel the mystery of his father’s automaton

Ballet Shoes by Noel Streatfield (Ballet Shoes)

Three orphan girls are taken in by an eccentric explorer and his niece, but once he’s gone they must take up performing arts careers to fend for themselves

Miss Pettigrew Lives For a Day by Winifred Watson (Miss Pettigrew Lives For a Day)

Miss Pettigrew, a governess, is accidentally sent to the wrong address by her agency and befriends a night club singer 

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen (Pride and Prejudice (2005) or BBC’s Pride and Prejudice Mini Series)

Elizabeth Bennet and her sisters attempt to find love in Regency England, but Elizabeth and her love interest Mr Darcy make things more difficult than they need to be

Emma by Jane Austen (Emma (1995) or Emma (2020))

Emma Woodhouse fancies herself a matchmaker in Regency England, but quickly finds she knows little about love. 

Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen (Sense and Sensibility (1995)

A coming of age story for the Dashwood sisters, who have lost their home but find love in Regency England 

Other novels by Jane Austen

All of her novels have been adapted to screen. While all of her novels are good, I highlight these three because of their emphasis on female friendship and romanticism

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

Jane Eyre has a troubling childhood but grows up to become a governess and fall in love with her benefactor in Regency England

The Help by Kathryn Stockett (The Help)

A white female journalist records the stories of two black women who work in white households during 1960′s America

Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell by Susanna Clarke (BBC’s Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell mini series)

A historical fantasy following the last two magicians on earth in Napoleon-era England

Legally Blonde by Amanda Brown (Legally Blonde)

Attempting to impress her ex boyfriend, Elle Woods applies to and gets accepted to Harvard Law School where she tries to prove herself as more than just an airhead blonde. 

A Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett (A Little Princess)

Orphaned Sara finds herself adjusting from a life of wealth to a life of poverty and abuse working at a boarding school and comforts herself by imagining she is a princess. 

Matilda by Roald Dahl (Matilda)

Young Matilda is a prodigy in an abusive household, sent to a school with an abusive headmistress. But when she discovers that she has magical abilities, she uses it to seek justice for herself and her friends. 

A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket (Netflix’s A Series of Unfortunate Events)

In an indeterminate time period, three orphans get moved from guardian to guardian as they are pursued by the villainous Count Olaf who wants their family fortune. Along the way they find themselves wrapped up in a secret society that has split into factions and gone to war with each other. 

Movies: 

The Mona Lisa Smile

When Katherine Watson takes a job as an art professor in a conservative town in the 1950′s she tries to teach her female students to become more assertive

Whisper of the Heart 

Shizuku is a Japanese student at the end of her summer break who befriends an antique shop owner and his grandson after following a cat through the city. Inspired by the events she attempts to write a novel

Shakespeare in Love 

A fictional account of a noblewoman who poses as a man in order to perform in a Shakespeare play, only to fall in love with the playwright and inspire future plays

Miss Potter 

A hyperbolic account of Beatrix’s Potters life 

Becoming Jane 

A hyperbolic account of Jane Austen’s life

Ever After 

A retelling of Cinderella set in renaissance era France and without magical elements, replacing the fairy godmother with Leonardo Da Vinci instead. 

The Bookshop 

Widowed Florence Green follows her dreams and opens a bookshop in the 1950s but unexpectedly finds herself at odds with the queen bee of the town who wanted the property for her own project. 

Kiki’s Delivery Service

Coming of age story that follows 13 year old Kiki who, according to witch tradition, goes off to live on her own for a year to practice her magic. She sets up a delivery service but learns things will be harder than she anticipated.

Books: 

*Some of which have movies that I either haven’t seen or didn’t personally like

The Girl with the Pearl Earring by Tracy Chevalier 

A fictional account of the servant girl who inspired the real life painting by Vermeer

The Awakening by Kate Chopin 

A truly bleak tale set in New Orleans at the end of the 19th century following Edna as she begins to have an awakening about feminism which affects her daily life. This is regarding as one of the first novels to primarily focus on the concept of feminism. 

Agatha Christie Mysteries 

Agatha Christie was so good at what she did that her books are still used today in toxicology classes and she largely helped define the mystery genre

Nancy Drew Mysteries by Carolyn Keene

Though written for children, the Nancy Drew books follow the amateur detective and her female friends as they solve mysteries in mid-20th-century America and the character has become a cultural icon. 

Gathering Blue and Son from “The Giver Quartet” by Lois Lowry

Books 2 and 4 in the Giver Quartet. While books 1 and 3 are also good, books 2 and 4 are featured here because they have female protagonists. The books are part of a series, but only loosely connected and can be read as standalone books if desired. Gathering Blue follows Kira in a dystopian future as she makes a place for herself in her village through her ability to dye cloth, a skill which helps prevent her from being cast out for being disabled. Son, meanwhile, follows Claire who is looking for her son after he was taken from her. 

The Witch of Blackbird Pond by Elizabeth George Speare

Follows Kit who moves from the Caribbean to Puritan Connecticut where she befriends an elderly spinster woman who is accused of witchcraft 

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley 

A staple of dark academia, it tells the story of Victor Frankenstein who creates artificial life and is immediately horrified by his creation, who swiftly grows angry and vengeful towards his creator. 

The Secret History by Donna Tartt 

Another staple of dark academia, follows six students who study the classics. The narrator is an adult version of one of the students reflecting on the events that led to a murder. 

Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquival 

Taking place in Mexico, Tita is being kept from her lover by her traditionalist mother. Tita expresses herself through her cooking which takes on magical properties. 

The Inkheart Series by Cornelia Funke (Inkheart, Inkspell, and Inkdeath)

Follows Maggie and her book-worm father after she discovers her father has the ability to bring to life any book that he reads aloud. They are quickly swept off into the narrative of a fantasy novel. 

The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman 

Though part of a trilogy, the first novel is the most appropriate for dark academia, following a female protagonist (Lyra) in a historical fantasy setting as she unravels a mystery. 

Music: 

Florence Welch 

Lana Del Rey

Lorde 

Hozier 

Enya 

Alice Merton 

Regina Spektor 

Lenka 

[straight-to-the-pain]

For the ask game; 1, 3, 7, and 20?

Thanks for the questions!

1) 6 of the songs you listen to most?

I’m going to consult Spotify’s on repeat for this:

1) Blood On My Name by The Brothers Bright

2) Spaceman by The Killers

3) Body Terror Song by AJJ

4) Trouble Is a Friend by Lenka

5) Before the Light Takes Us by Darkness Falls

6) Bullets by Tunng

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

I was hoping someone would ask me this because the book closest to me is ‘By Any Means Necessary’ by William E Burrows and it’s about planes and espionage:

‘Brown had turned on the engine’s fire extinguisher because he saw carbon dioxide streaming out of the back of the engine.’

In case it isn’t clear, their plane is crashing after being hit.

7) What’s your strangest talent?

I feel like I’ve probably got one somewhere and if anyone thinks they know what it is I will accept audience submissions but I think I’ll go with being able to switch eyes because I can only ever use one eye at a time and I think it’s funky that I can just switch which one I’m using whenever I feel like it.

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

Hey now, that’s just plain mean. You know I’m bad at evaluating myself lmao. How am I meant to pick between getting angry too easily, being anxious all the time, being bad at socialising and never having enough motivation to do what needs to be done? But alright, if we’re talking strengths, I guess I’m pretty good at evaluating situations and coming up with rational solutions? Maybe? Idk man.

[dotzines]

Artist Spotlights!

🎤 Penco 🥁 PikaPlushing 🎷 Pine

🎺 Pip 🎸 Primarinite 🎻 Propaganda101

Interview below the cut!

Introduce yourself

🎤 Hello hello! Penco here! I've been drawing ever since I was little but it's only been recently that I've started to take art a bit more seriously. I like digital art but traditional art has been my favourite form for years, particularly watercolour art. You can find me on Instagram and Tumblr as pencokun! 🥁 I'm a digital and traditional artist. I'm interested in video games, Japanese culture, Anime, Vocaloid, Cosplay, Sewing, etc. (its a longggg list www). I'm really quiet and awkward in person, but once I get to know you, I'm pretty much cursed trash. You can find my art accounts here: https://www.instagram.com/vladslab/ , https://twitter.com/vladslab98 , https://vladslab.tumblr.com/ 🎷 I recently turned 18 and reside in the chaotic state of Florida. A common theme in my drawings include clowns, angels and demons. I have a hard time finding interests but I like Demon Slayer and had a long addiction to Overwatch along with Osomatsu-san (which I don’t understand but glad I had fun hehe). I post art only on dA:@pinekun and iG:@pinefii :,D 🎺 I'm a being of chaos and insomnia, im both a traditional and digital artist as well as an aspiring animator you can find my art at my Instagram @jl_artsandcreations and Tumblr @jl-artsandcreations 🎸 I'm a 19 year old digital artist! My usual art has a very cartoon style, with my main drawing interests being furry oc's and Pokemon. My art blog is primarinite.tumblr.com and my art Twitter is twitter.com/primarinart. 🎻 Hey, the name's Wreath! I don't know how to write these types of things but i'll try! I like drawing, musical theater and fashion. I'm mainly a digital artist but I do traditional art on occasion. You can find me on Deviantart: https://www.deviantart.com/propaganda-101

Do you do commissions post? Where can we find the info?

🥁 https://www.instagram.com/stories/highlights/17930193547305258/

🎷 https://www.instagram.com/p/B4wCeeWBUr_/

🎸 https://primarinite.tumblr.com/post/189367724219/ive-redone-my-commission-sheet-to-include-updated

Do you listen to music (or tv shows/films/anything else) when drawing?

🎤 Mostly music but I also like to work in silence whenever I'm working on details. 🥁 Usually I'll have my headphones on and listen to different types of music depending on the feel of the piece I'm trying to make. 🎷 I like to listen to music or watch an anime while I draw! 🎺 Yes, I listen to music while drawing 🎸 I have a playlist full of my favourite songs and go to that when I want some music. 🎻 Yup! I find that I work better if i'm listening to music especially if the music fits with the theme/aesthetic. But if i'm bored I might watch youtube while drawing.

What’s your favorite music artist/band? If you could ask your favorite band/music artist one question, what would it be?

🎤 My number one is definitely ABBA! I grew up with their music, after all. 🥁 I love anything Vocaloid, but if I had to choose, my favorite producer would probably be Neru or Deco*27. As for bands, Autoheart, Three Days Grace, Mother Mother and Breaking Benjamin. One question I'd love to ask any of them would be what inspired them to start music and what keeps them going. 🎷 My current favorite artist is Conan Gray but I also really appreciate Hobo Johnson. Hm, what’re their favorite songs? :^0 🎺 I don't really have a favorite music type if I like it I like it but if i had to choose it would be the singer Nico Collins sice i love all his songs 🎸 My favourite band is either Deaf Havana or Wolf Alice. 🎻 Though they are technically a fictional band, my favourite band is Hello Happy World. Their music warms my cold dead heart. I don't actually know what i'd ask them, i'd probably ask them for a hug and to have a good day.

Do you play an instrument? If not would you like to play one? Which one?

🎤 I can play the melodica but I'd love to be able to play the piano and any of the string quartet. 🥁 I've played the piano for nearly my whole life. 🎷 I used to play violin in orchestra for one year, which my tiny hands do not cooperate with. I also had one year of guitar class. 🎺 I don't play an instrument now but I use to play the clarinet but now i would like to play the piano 🎸 I would really like to learn the guitar one day! 🎻 I mean, if your voice counts as an instrument then yes I do, but if not then i'd like to play drums.

Which song(s) are you going to draw?

🎤 I've drawn Lenka's "Trouble Is A Friend" for this zine and I'll also be drawing Cecile Corbel's "Bal de Chats". 🥁 My main piece is Flower Tail feat. KAITO by yuukiss. 🎷 I think Conan Gray-Comfort Crowd, unless I have some big brain blast moment for another song. 🎺 Killing Butterflies by Lewis Blissett and if i finish this pices early i may do another using the song Lullaby by Ellise 

🎸 Free to Breathe by Cold War Kids 🎻 Revolting Children from Matilda the Musical, because it's been stuck in my head for a full month.

What do you expect from this zine?

🎤 I expect to see real cool stuff! 🥁 I can't wait to see the wide spread of different types of music as well as all the talent of all the different artists! 🎷 To learn about what a zine community is like and to face the deadlines, as well as learn the process of one. 🎺 To broaden my horizons and get more attention on my blogs and art work 🎸 I'm excited to see all of the wonderful art being put forward for this. It's great to see so many artists from different walks of life coming together. 🎻 I expect to get introduced to a bunch of new music and artists.

Anything else you want to add?

🎤 Good luck y'all! 🥁 I'm so happy and excited to be a part of this project and I hope the best to absolutely everyone involved! Much love and take care! Please stay hydrated and sleep! 🎷 Thank you for your hard work! :^D

[meanderfall]

thank you my love!! ^v^

(lmao i finally did it @solienna... it’s been like months but i finally completed this. also if you’re wondering, when i first tried to answer the original ask, it wouldn’t save any of what i’d written as a draft, so i just started a new post lol)

1. three songs that come up when you put your phone on shuffle

Flaws (acoustic) by Bastille

Wait For It from Hamilton

Here Comes the Rain Again by Eurythmics

3. three songs you were recently obsessed with

World in my Pocket by The Unlikely Candidates

The Darker the Weather, the Better the Man by MISSIO

Walk Me Home by P!NK

8. three songs that remind you most of summer and vacation

this is probably a weird choice but The Kids Aren’t Alright. I honestly don’t know why, it just gives me summer vibes.

Taste by Sleeping at Last (probably bc i listened to this A LOT while playing stardew valley and stardew gives me summer vibes)

Young Volcanoes by Fall Out Boy

(this section was so hard.... there are like 0 songs that i actually associate with summer and vacation. literally the only way i do is if i discover said song and listen to a lot around the time summer starts)

11. three favourite songs from movie or TV series soundtrack

What’s Up Danger By Blackway & Black Caviar

I’m Still Standing by Taron Egerton

The Cyborg Fights (Genos’ theme from One-Punch Man. It’s an instrumental piece, and it goes off).

12. three favourite songs from video games

i fucking hate you adri, so much, i never listen to video game soundtracks, you fool, i have nothing to offer you

Klavier’s theme from Ace Attorney! Called Guilty Love lmao

I played Night in the Woods recently, and I think my two favourite pieces were Astral Alley (it plays during a dream sequence and i literally fucked around doing nothing for a bit just to listen to this. It’s so peaceful, but there’s something also... wistful or sad about it, that i just love.) 

and Dusk Stars! (That one plays while stargazing with a professor as a sidequest and tbh it was one of my favourite parts of the game. Surprisingly wholesome, and the last bit really struck a cord with me.)

13. three songs you want at your funeral

Saturn by Sleeping at Last

I Lived by One Republic

Pieces by Harbor and Home (low-key this song is practically a narrative for my life and for once it’s just comforting)

14. three songs you want at your wedding

Bright by Echosmith

Lovesong by Adele

Meaning of Life by Kelly Clarkson

(i don’t.... listen to happy love songs.... i was just going through my library of romantic songs and i was like “this is too pop, this is too angsty, this is pre-relationship, etc. etc”.)

15. three songs you want to dance with your love to

Fly Me to the Moon

Turn Time Off

Anna Sun by Walk the Moon (tbh this song gives me a very specific image of like moving into a new home with my lover and this song is playing while we’re unpacking, or even just any high energy song, and we end up pausing unpacking long enough to dance silly together and sing the song and it ends with us like hugging with a peck for good measure and life seems so good and perfect)

18. three songs that remind you of your best friend

Budapest (legit bc she showed me this song and was like “i think you would like this!” and you bet your ass i would love that song even if it was trash)

Another Night on Mars

Trouble is a Friend by Lenka (why? i legitimately don’t know. Especially since she’s the sweetest and most peaceful person ever. Then again she is a junkrat main.... never mind it makes sense)

19. three songs that are your guilty pleasure

Waters of Megalovania

Jessie’s Girl (this is like. the quintessential chad complaining about being friend-zoned, but i jam out to it every time, and im sucker for jealousy and unrequited love)

I Don’t Even Care About You by MISSIO for the days when im angry or having a bad day or more annoyed than usual at people trying to interact with me, and I just want to indulge in my old cynicism and hatred of the world in general

20. three songs that remind you of the person who sends this one

False Confidence by Noah Kahan

Hate That You Know Me by the Bleachers

Happy by Marina and the Diamonds

21. three songs of your childhood

oh boy adri, i was an angsty kid. I also tried to keep this specifically to songs I listened to before the age of ten just bc in my head my childhood was pretty much from the ages 3 to ~9, and honestly corresponds to a very specific period in my life

Because of You by Kelly Clarkson

Pieces by Sum 41

Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield

22. three songs you listen to when you’re sad

All We Do by Oh Wonder

All the King’s Horses by Karmina

SoLow by Keegan Calmes

(this selection was actually hard bc there are... a surprising amount tbh and that probably isnt a good thing lol)

23. three songs that never fail to get you pumped up

How Far We’ve Come by Matchbox Twenty

High on Humans by Oh Wonder

Shut Up and Dance by Walk the Moon (to the surprise of exactly no one. This song came out five years ago and it’s STILL my feel good song, even when i feel terrible)

(this was also a hard choice because i got so many feel good, pump me up songs as well, which i guess??? balances out the amount of sad songs i know and love??)

24. three favourite old songs

lmao how old are we talking here? early 2000s? before that? 1950s? i’ll just go with some goodies

Addicted to Love by Robert Palmer (OKAY SO. this is low-key an all-time favourite of mine and that i relate(d) to a LOT as the person he’s singing about.)

Africa by Toto (damn fucking right im putting it adri!!!)

For What It’s Worth by Buffalo Springfield

26. three favourite non-English songs

Alles Neu by Peter Fox (for once not a lyrics video, bc the official video is part of the Experience for this song)

The Narrow Street by Shin-Yong Woo (aka Jumin’s voice actor. This is simultaneously a huge mood, and gives me feels for my husband)

Little Traveler by clear (the only vocaloid song i know! im truly a sucker for The Little Prince though, the novel that inspired this song)

(be proud of me adri, this section could’ve been nothing but japanese songs, a good portion just from anime.)

29. three songs that influenced you most (some songs change or save lives)

im not gonna lie, a lot of these songs were kind of taken by the childhood ones but lemme see if i can scrounge up any others

In a Big Country by Big Country

Stand by Rascal Flatts

Better Get to Livin’ by Dolly Parton

(As you know, I listen to the first one A LOT, pretty much every time I get into sad mood and want some comfort, but the other two, i sort of forget about, even though i remember these songs being super important to me when i was younger. And re-listening to these now is... kind of crazy tbh, and bringing up all sorts of memories. I will say, perhaps i should give younger me more credit for how hard she was trying to heal and be a better person, just based on these songs lol)

30. three songs you really want your followers to know (for reasons other than all those above)

Lemme see, im gonna give you guys some songs that I internally categorize as late night songs. The songs that make you feel like you’re listening to it at 2 am on a Saturday night, and reality feels just a little bit shifted, and everything feels deeper, more meaningful

Sloppy Seconds by Watsky

Shrike by Hozier

Hurricane by Reuben and the Dark

Sunflower by Post Malone, Swae Lee

+Bonus. Three songs I can listen to, no matter what my mood

Muscle Memory (Acoustic) by Lights. No joke, even on days where i feel like any song is going to irritate the fuck out of me and im sick of listening to music and the emotions they evoke, i can listen to this and immediately feel better

It’s Alright by Mother Mother (legit whenever it shows up in my recommended i smash that mf play button no matter what. it’s like one of, if not the only, song that matches the screaming in my head.)

You’re Somebody Else by flora cash (same as the two above tbh)

[ussrosalind]

the celia playlist - trouble

Trouble is a Friend - Lenka

This song originally made the list because of a certain AI npc, affectionately known as E, who Celia adores. 

Basically, Entropy/E was an antagonistic force to the party starting with our very first mission as Mercenary Team 713. But, E was also weirdly friendly and kept trying to reach out to us. So, like, he’d nudge our team towards something that would a) nearly kill us but also b) point us towards some crazy conspiracy stuff we could start unraveling. Dangerous, but, to Celia at least, always worth investigating.

(”Your cashier is: E” was on a weird receipt telling us to take the subway on Samsar once... which we followed. To an abandoned station with a ringing payphone. Which Celia answered because, yeah, of course. “Hello, E?” He led us to an ancient ruin under the subway where we found a skeleton* with an ancient ID card and then were nearly killed by golems, if memory serves me right. But then also we met one of the Grand Oracles of Samsar and found some stuff we Definitely Weren’t Supposed To See that said oracle was Rightly Kinda Pissed About. This is probably an excellent example of the kind of trouble E would get us into. And Celia was living for this shit.) 

So, this song could be seen as a little nod to E, and/or to Celia’s own inner compass always pointing to trouble and therefor to following E’s leads. She does love trouble. 

Then, a couple weeks ago, I started realizing something about this song. (The Celia soundtrack has a lot of good driving music, so I frequently revisit it on my commute.) There’s a lot of “Oh, Ohs” in this song. Or “Oh, Os.” Which. <_< 

O is just another very important vowel, okay? Tragically not another AI, but still a pretty bad ass NPC who also frequently antagonized the party. And also is super involved in Celia’s backstory. He’s a whole can of worms just by himself. Don’t worry, we’ll definitely be talking about this jerk more later.

And, of course: he’s trouble. 

Gotta love trouble, right? 

*The skeleton was O. I will always consider it something of a consolation that we went on to use his ID card to get into so many more places we weren’t supposed to be in. And by “we went on to use” I mean Celia used it. To get into places she wasn’t supposed to be in. And made the rest of the party go with her. (Welcome to the first half of the campaign: Celia sees SECRETS! Jumps off a cliff to get to secrets faster. The rest of the party collectively face-palms and follows in a more safe and reasonable manner. Celia gleefully uses the ID card to open All The Ancient Doors. The rest of the party is still face-palming but now also probably in combat??) 

[princessamericachavez]

So Laura said she’s considering many different Lenka songs for her Jester playlist because so many of them work for Jester and I also have FEELINGS about this so here’s my favorite picks and lyrics for her:

Trouble is a Friend (which is the one she mentioned in the panel)

He's there in the dark He's there in my heart He waits in the winds He's gotta play a part Trouble is a friend Yeah trouble is a friend of mine. oh oh

because the Traveler of course??? but also there’s a darker side of it that I really like??

Trouble is a friend but trouble is a foe, oh oh And no matter what I feed him he always seems to grow, oh oh He sees what I see and he knows what I know, oh oh So don't forget as you ease on down the road

So don't be alarmed if he takes you by the arm I won't let him win, but I'm a sucker for his charm

listen I have FEELINGS about the Traveler not being entirely good and that’s all good but also has so many angsty possibilities okay

The Show

Yeah, I'm just a little bit caught in the middle Life is a maze and love is a riddle I don't know where to go, can't do it alone I've tried and I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment I'm so scared but I don't show it I can't figure it out, it's bringing me down I know I've got to let it go and just enjoy the show Just enjoy the show

I have A LOT of feelings about Jester trying to be brave and chill and act like she has everything under control at all times when this is probably the longest time she’s spent outside her house and sheltered life and she must feel so lost and terrified and-

Blue Skies

We've been waiting, anticipating change coming our way You're my baby through the bad lights to the greater days I know that something good is waiting just around the corner There's a new day dawning, there's a new life for us Got to keep on holding on for just a little longer I know But that it's gonna be blue skies for you and I We'll step out of the shadows and walk into the light Yeah it's gonna be blue skies for you and I

I mean this is totally about Jester waiting to run away and live her life and anticipating how her life will eventually be better when she’s free if she holds on just for a little longer...

[edjectedly]

Trouble is a Friend

So... I wrote this to vent after hearing this song Trouble is a Friend by Lenka. It’s a really really good song and it made me have a lot of feelings... Long story short (Yes that’s a pun) this is about my own experiences so please be kind! Anyway! Read this at your own risk, it is... Upsetting. Thanks to @fuzzypurplecloud for telling me it’s good, and being a genuine blessing all the time.

Warnings: Deceit, Abusive Friendship, Manipulation, Seclusion, Isolation, if I missed any let me know!

Words: 1578

Pairings: Platonic LAMP

Tags:@fuzzypurplecloud @emphoenixcat @tree4life25​ @vergeangst @lexboydfandompanda  @ashrain5 @thisrandomperson102 @callboxkat @princelogical @meginoi

Trouble will find you no matter where you go, oh oh

No Matter if you're fast no matter if you're slow, oh oh

The eye of the storm and the cry in the morn, oh oh

Your fine for a while but then start to loose control

The last thing Virgil wanted to do was to disturb his friends, his real friends, but he was worried. He was always worried. He couldn’t help it though, and the others needed to know exactly what danger they were in.

He had to do this before he lost his nerve. He forced his feet to move, carrying him to the living room where the other sat. Virgil took a moment, watching Logan’s lips move as he read from a book, watching Roman stifle a laugh at something on his phone, watching Patton’s tongue poke out of his mouth in concentration as he colored a picture. Why did he always have to ruin their tranquility?

Virgil curled his shaking hands into fist, forcing himself to take a deep breath, before clearing his throat, “We need to talk about Deceit.”

That gets everyone's attention. Logan’s book is snapped closed and placed down on the end table of the couch, Roman’s phone is put on sleep mode and tucked into his pocket, and Patton closes his coloring book, gently pushing away his pencils.

“What about him Kiddo?” Patton asked, hands nervously fidgeting with the hoodie tied around his shoulders.

“Yes,” Roman asks, voice sounding thin as he tries to pretend he doesn’t care, “We defeated him. No need to talk about him anymore.”

Virgil could feel his breath catch in his lungs. Roman didn’t understand, he didn’t want to talk about him.

“Virgil are you alright?” Logan was moving, why was Logan moving? That couldn’t be good, why was he coming towards him? Why was he still trying to talk?

“Stop-” he whimpers cutting himself off by ducking his head and crossing his arms in front of him.

“Okay, I will sit back down,” He could hear Logan take his seat again, “Let us know when you can continue.”

Virgil takes a few deep breaths, letting himself realize Logan had actually listened. He was fine, everything was fine.

“I’m sorry,” Virgil lowered his arms, embarrassment evident in his red cheeks, “I’m trying not to overreact I really am.”

“You are perfectly fine;” Patton assured, scooting down on the couch and patting the seat beside him, “Come sit with us?”

His feet carried him over without his instruction, he could feel himself sink down, Patton on his right, Roman on his left, but it didn’t feel exactly real.

“I was doing okay, I was doing better,” his words come out in a whisper as he stares at the ground, ignoring how the other scoot closer, “And then he showed up again.”

He's there in the dark

He's there in my heart

He waits in the winds

He's gotta play a part

“I thought he had finally moved on from me, from us. It’s not all about me, it’s about what he’s doing to you all and Thomas I know that,” Virgil powered on, ignoring the others as they all tried to talk, “But he’s bad. Deceit isn’t good and I can’t let him hurt you guys and if that means I have to warn you then I’ll warn you.”

“You can tell us whatever you want,” Logan assures, reaching over to place a hand on Virgil’s knee.

“But you don’t have to tell us anything!” Patton adds, slowly rapping his arm around the anxious side.

Roman nods, “You try and keep us safe, if you say we need to be wary of someone we will listen, but if you’d like to talk we will listen. A prince never ignores the words of his favorite knight.”

Virgil smiles, it’s small and hesitant, but it is a smile. Sadly though, it’s gone almost as quick as it appears, “Are you sure? I do-don’t want to be too much.”

“We want to be here for you Virge, I promise,” Patton swears, a determined glint in his eyes, “We weren’t before, but we will be now.”

Virgil looks around, surprised by the conviction in Patton’s voice, only to realize that the other two share similar expressions as the fatherly trait.

“Okay...” Virgil bite his lip, grabbing Roman’s hand for support, “But it isn’t pretty.”

Trouble is a friend

Yeah trouble is a friend of mine. oh oh

Trouble is a friend but trouble is a foe, oh oh

And no matter what I feed him he always seems to grow, oh oh

“We were friends at first, or at least I thought so,” Virgil keeps his voice low and detached, hoping to tell them without turning himself into a fool, “You guys never liked me, which was okay I tried to fight you every single day. I was left with the Dark Sides and well, they didn’t exactly like me.”

Virgil takes a deep breath through his mouth and releases it through his nose before continuing, “It wasn’t the best, but at least I wasn’t alone. Th-then he came along. He told me all I had to do was ditch them and he’d help me and I believed him. I knew better, I had to have known better, he wasn’t a Light Side for a reason.”

“But that didn’t matter to me at the time. I ignored my gut feeling, my fight or flight response and stayed with him. He’d tell me the others didn’t want to be around me, that you all didn’t want me either. Everything I did was too much, I was just too much. How would I ever survive without him?” Virgil can feel Roman’s grip on his hand tighten as his voice wavers.

“Sometimes I can hear him hiss it, that I can’t do anything without him, that I’m too stupid to go on,” Virgil glances at Logan, feeling his ironclad grip on his knee somehow tighten, only to see pure fury burning in his eyes, “I’m sorry… I didn’t want to upset you g-guys.”

“Don’t you dare think you’re why we’re upset,” Logan spits, voice surprisingly angry, “This was all him. You have done nothing wrong.”

“I used to try and defend myself, but he’d just take my voice,” continues Virgil even though a small part of him is screaming for him to stop, “After a while he didn’t even have to. I just wouldn’t talk anymore, whatever he said had to be right.”

He sees what I see and he knows what I know, oh oh

So don't forget as you ease on down the road

So don't be alarmed if he takes you by the arm

I won't let him win, but I'm a sucker for his charm

Trouble is a friend

Yeah trouble is a friend of mine, oh oh

“I wouldn’t have brought any of this up if I thought I could get away with not doing it,” explains Virgil, leaning heavily on Patton who was eager to hold him tight, “But after the video he-he tried to come back. He wants me to come back with him again, he misses me. I almost went.”

Then Virgil is shaking with the effort to hold back his sobs as they try to rip their way out of his throat. Admitting his weakness in front of the others nearly broke the dam, tears he’s held back for years on the brink of breaking through despite his best efforts.

“Oh Virgil,” murmurs Patton, voice raw with emotion as he cards his hands through the emos hair, “He will never get to you again. Ever.”

“I will destroy him before he even looks at you again,” vows Roman letting go of his hands to gently wipe a few stray tears from his eyes.

Logan stood then, coming around to crouch in front of him, “You can let go, I realize Deceit would probably laugh at you for being upset, but we will never do that. You can cry and we will still be here.”

Virgil opens his mouth, then closes it, only to open it once more. All of his words are trapped, the only sound escaping is a broken sob, before he finally loses all semblances of composure.

“I don’t wanna miss him anymore!” Sobs Virgil, latching onto Logan as he moves forward to hold him, “He was so bad and horrible but we had good days too! I mi-miss our good days.”

“It’s okay Virge, it’s okay. We got you.” Roman’s voice is soothing and melodic as he wraps his arms around all three of them., “We’re here now, and we are not going anywhere.”

“Please don’t, please,” cries Virgil, “I don’t wanna be alone, I can’t be alone.”

“You’re not getting rid of us anytime soon Kiddo,” Patton reassures, tightening his hold on his dark strange son.

Virgil let out another sob, fully collapsing on Logan as he desperately tried to pull himself together to no avail. An hour passed with the four of them locked together, allowing Virgil to cry his heart out. Only after he began to finally calm down did Virgil manage to lift his head from Logan’s shoulder, just to notice a familiar bowler hat sitting at the bottom of the stairs.

Oh how I hate the way he makes me feel

And how I try to make him leave, I try

Oh Oh I try

[life-observed]

Musings from The Strangest Year on Earth

Confronting

2019 into 2020 was arguably the hardest year of my life in perhaps the most unspectacular of ways. There was no defining incident, no dramatic high point, just a lot of glowing embers waiting patiently for the wind to catch so they could burn my house to ash.

I am what one could call a chronic avoider. A runner, a hider and often (it felt), someone who lacked the ability to endure. The problem here, as you can imagine is that no matter how far you run, there is no getting away & the further I ran, the harder it was to turn around and confront the thing I was trying to outrun. I ran out of energy towards the end of the year, and when it finally caught up with me, I felt like I was out of options. I couldn’t run anymore, and I lacked the fortitude to fight. Lenka has a song called Trouble is A Friend. In it she sings, “I won’t let him in, but I’m a sucker for his charm”. The truth is, while I do not enjoy being depressed, there is something safe in knowing what to expect. So, I let it pick me up and hold me close to its cheek; large and looming, but strangely comforting in its familiarity. I had been here before, and all I had to do was wait it out until it put me down, and let me walk beside it, holding my hand until I inevitably started to get the itch to run again.

Seeing Colors

Depression is an old friend, but I had never seen it like this. For the first time, I started seeing colors in my mind’s eye; a way to give tangibility to the intangible. When it first caught up with me, I saw things through a grey fog. It was like I could see my life, but everything was grey and hazy. This I was used to. I was anticipating the slow return of color to the edges that would work its way towards the middle, and when it didn’t come, what was once an old, familiar place suddenly felt foreign and very empty. The loneliness I felt here was unparalleled. Not only had I spent the past year physically isolating from relationships I had held near & dear, now the one thing I thought I could count on was changing before my eyes. I started waking up and seeing the same scene in my head every day. A dark, angry orange sky over a cracked, dusty ground with no sign of life anywhere: dead trees and a stifling sort of silence. It was in this sky that I lost the ability to recognize my face in the mirror. When I looked at myself, it was the first time in my life that I saw a very sad stranger looking back at me. I removed pictures of myself from messaging apps, social media. I couldn’t stand to look at myself, so unrecognizable, so much like a ghost. Under this sky, I felt myself giving up.

Endurance

I say the following as a fact — not a cause for alarm. I have thought about dying a lot. It’s a thought that has come to me unbidden, even at the strangest times. One of the most frightening experiences was driving home after a wonderful two day vacation with people who I love and care for dearly, having spent the whole weekend feeling like I was trapped in a glass box. I could see things, hear things, but inside was quiet and airless. On the drive home, I remember thinking how much easier it would be to just open the car door on the highway and roll right out. I don’t doubt for a minute that I would never actually follow through, because the desire to no longer exist felt separate and removed from the desire to actually kill myself– I was just so tired. But I let it pass. At the very worst of it this year, it was no longer a given that I could just wait it out and land on my feet. Increasingly, the fear was growing that this would be the one I wouldn’t come back from. Right as I had started what felt like the final descent, my long time therapist reached out to me to say I’d been on her mind. And, at the end of my rope, I began what has turned into my longest, most consistent therapy work to date. I also went to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with moderate to severe depression — and put me on anti- depressants which was terrifying, to say the least. I have never been great with consistency in medication, and again, the uncertainty of how long I would need them for was almost too much to wrap my head around. But what else did I have to do? Whether I took the meds or not, the time would pass anyhow. I surprised myself with how consistent I became with the medication, and today I am unsure how I would have fared had I not started. While it would be great to see an immediate shift in mood and circumstance, the truth is, what it did was lift the fog just a little bit at a time to give me a chance to catch my breath, to orient myself towards the way out. And before I realized it, 3 months had passed, and I was still standing — albeit exhausted and worn down but standing I was.

The Truth about Therapy

Endurance is one thing — we survive, swinging one day to the next until our feet touch some sort of solid ground, but what comes after? It’s like longing for a million dollars and then being unsure what to do with it when it lands in your lap. We rarely think about the in between that takes you from the depths to a relatively safer ground. Therapy is not just talking about your feelings for an hour. I find it neither comfortable, nor easy. If I have been to 20 sessions over the last 5 months, I have left 15 of them feeling worse than when I arrived. As a rule, I usually attend therapy until I am over the hump and then “get too busy” or decide it’s too much money and then fall off. It’s an avoidance technique, and I wasn’t quite sure what I was avoiding until I pushed through the first month.

Being in therapy has been painful and exposing — which is frightening to one such as myself who fears hurt and detests uncontrolled vulnerability. Strange as it may seem given the existence of these utterings, but here, I control the narrative. I can erase, delete and do anything I want with this piece. Real time vulnerability is a lot different. A working (and still not quite fully comprehensible) diagnosis for me is Social Anxiety Disorder with a little bit of OCD & Body Dysmorphic Disorder thrown in for some razzle dazzle. The SAD was easy enough to relate to, because the hallmarks of that disorder have run my life for as long as I can remember. The OCD was a little harder to accept and understand, because up until then, the only thing I knew about OCD was the familiar tropes you see in movies or books — hyper organization, rituals etc. The diagnoses aren’t really the point though. What I finally understood was: the behaviors & patterns that I have mulishly clung to for YEARS as a way to “protect” myself, are rooted in these disorders, and though they may be common, they are not all together normal.

Imagine then, being forced to look at your life and realize that you have years and years of learned behavior to undo. It is exhausting, and frankly, quite difficult. Habits are habits for a reason — they are second nature, even the bad ones. Especially the ones that you’ve convinced yourself are there to protect you and keep you safe. My thoughts operate in extremes — I am either immediately 100% successful at something and anything less is a failure. Though neither practical, nor possible, it makes the very concept of therapy difficult, because who’s ever undone a lifetime worth of warped beliefs in one session? The constant need for perfection & the subsequent failure to achieve the impossible is the albatross around my neck that makes it hard to celebrate even the small wins, because for me, it is all or nothing. It can be discouraging to go week after week, to spend thousands of dollars feeling like absolutely no progress is being made. Recently, I have found myself dragging to go, partially because I am terrified to see the things that still lie beneath, and partially because I feel like I am failing at therapy and therefore failing at life.

But I continue to go, because more important than enduring the storm with cracks in my hull is repairing them so I’m not springing leaks at every turn. The cracks are plentiful — some are beyond comprehension, some are heartbreaking, some are logic defying, & many days I am confronted with how these cracks rear their ugly heads at the most inconvenient times. I continue to go because I see the ways in which my unchecked mental illness has disrupted my life, and taken a toll on my relationships. I continue to go because though painful and some days heart-wrenching, it is the first time in years that I have felt the possibility of not walking around like a ticking time bomb, always one second from total destruction.

The Truth about Myself

So, what does this mean for me? It means that however dramatic it may seem, I have fought for my life, and continue to do so every single day. Some days are better than others — some weeks feel like a total regression and it’s hard to fight the impulse to engage in old habits. Sometimes I catch myself after the fact. The things I battle with are neither novel nor exciting, but still, they are mine. & while pride in myself is not something I am particularly familiar with, there is at least some satisfaction in knowing that the power to endure lies within me, even when I am certain I have nothing left to give.

Fear has run my life for as long as I can remember, and it would be an outright lie to say it no longer does, because I don’t do well with uncertainty, and fear has given me the illusion of keeping safe from the risks that come with being human and living vs. merely existing. Though I am still very much afraid of a lot of things, I have caught a glimpse of how having the upper hand over fear can pay off, even though I persist in my wrongness 9 times out of 10. Even though some days, I let my head get the best of me.

Yet still, I endure.

[yuki-d-raizel-blog]

Hero

Chapter 33/??

Relationship: Todoroki Shouto x Reader (Your/Name), (Full/Name)

Summit: It all begin at the Sports Festival when Shouto’s other half met Endevour by mistake. The student never thought to see his partner fight against his father just to show him that he is wrong. It started from that instant, Shouto’s new path started exactly from that moment thanks to his friends and his beloved one.

---

"Crap, they found it out already? " thinks Joel, "Oh yeah, the waves things... Maybe they saw a change in them and they understood it... Shit."

<<You can't decline it.>> the man stopped (Y/N) before she could speak, <<It's a high priestess's order.>>

<<She wasn't very sick?>> retorts Lenka, <<You didn't come last time to force (Y/N) to take the lead of the family? Now, she's fine?>>

<<She is not, but she is recovering.>> replies the other man, <<She ordered that the third coming of Kafka and her servants must return to the estate.>> they turn their heels and exit, then stop in front of Miraje and Hakkai, <<The third Kafka's heir has two new servants, your violation was helpful, so we will not punish you.>>

<<Her name is (Y/N), try your best to remember it, guys.>> Kirishima can't stand those people at all, <<I don't know who the hell do think you are, but you better treat (Y/N) well from now on.>>

<<Do you know who you are facing?>> the woman moves the hand from her mouth to Eijiro's forehead, even with that veil, it's clear that she is looking at the student with an angry gaze, <<Know your place->>

<<(Y/N)!! Hey, hang in there! Call someone!>>

The chiefs open the door again to check what happened and find the girl vomiting blood, bleeding from her nose and eyes. While her childhood friends explain what happened before, the chiefs notice her crystal earring cracking.

<<!! The beasts are going in berserk! (Y/N) control them!>> they're using some strange techniques to help the girl to repress the beasts that are trying to get out somehow.

<<I-I'm t-trying....>> the girl continues to vomit blood and crouch into herself to enduring the pain all over her body, <<T-they won't t-to l-listen to m-me...>>

A strange aura born around her, and the chiefs are ready to suppress her immediately, but Shuu and Joel punch them hardly enough to send them out of the room. Miraje and Hakkai stare at those men laid at the ground shocked.

<<If you want to kill (Y/N), I dare you fucking bastards to do it, but over my fucking corpse!>> both are so upset that it's new even for your grandparents, they’re always so calm, now it seems like they are consumed by their own rage, <<Move a step and this hospital will be your fucking grave!>>

<<Hey sugar cube, we're here, can we do something to help you?>> says Lenka scared of what’s happening, this is all new for all of them, (Y/N) never had symptoms like those.

<<I’m the one... who holds the reins....>> slowly, the aura goes back, <<Obey me... Go to your place...>> a few minutes later, everything is settled, and the girl recovers fast from the crisis. Tenka calls a nurse to change the sheets, while Shouto and Izuku helps you to clean yourself.

<<Come tomorrow to the estate Kafka's child.>> says the woman, <<This is worse than we thought. The high priestess must know this.>> she exits with a fast pace and talks to Miraje, <<Come with me, this is a huge emergency.>>

<<Yes ma'am.>> your grandma quickly follows the leader.

---

The next morning, (Y/N) and her friends, Todoroki and Izuku leave to reach the Ryuhi's mansion. The students are disorientated when they see a boat and a man with similar clothes to the chiefs on board, but without asking anything, they get in and the boat weighs anchor. While you and Shouto rest a bit, Izuku asks politely why they took a boat and Tenka replies to him while plays with a PSP.

<<The Ryhui family is nonexistent for the world, they live and work around the globe, but the high spheres of the family live in a phantom island not reported on maps. That place is used as a training camp for each member of the family to help them to achieve their dreams, or at least, that's what they say.>>

<<They have a fixation for traditions and all those stupid things... Someone in the past died because had broken the rules.>> comments Lenka listening to music, <<Everyone is kind there though, the high spheres are the asshole ones, so until we meet them, you can do whatever you want.>>

"E-eh? They kill people if they break the rules?! Where are we, in the medieval era?" thinks Izuku feeling a huge pressure on his shoulders, <<H-how we should behave then?>>

<<Treat the high spheres like shit.>> says Shuu enjoying the view of the sea, <<Let (Y/N) speak for you and try your best to not do something bad, or she will be in trouble.>>

<<I will never do that, Shuu-san.>>

<<Wait until they meet us to say that.>> the man shakes you gently, you are arrived, <<You're gonna eat those words up.>>

The boat anchors and stops right in front of a wooden bridge. Since Todoroki slept during the journey, Joel summits all the advices that he must respect on these lands, and the student memorized them in once, if they make problems for (Y/N), he will respect those rules better than a soldier.

The view that shows to them is wonderful, everything is painted in green, big cherry blossom trees form a way towards a huge staircase which leads to an enormous oriental castle....? What the hell is that?! Is so big, too big, what the fu-

The tiles are white as the snow, little houses here and there and that's only a side of that place... Their attention is stolen by the same man that was with you during the internship.

<<Young Master, what happened to your hair?>> he says offering his hand to help you to get off the bridge.

<<I wanted to imitate my boyfriend, so I dyed my hair.>>

<<Really?>> the man looks at you confused.

<<Of course not, silly.>> you lightly hit him on the arm and smile, <<I guess I used too much power when my body wasn't in good conditions.>> "No matter how many times I come here... I still hate this place with all my might..."

<<Oh, how careless I am, I didn't introduce myself.>> he bows in front of the students, <<My name is Ran and I am (Y/N)'s guardian. We already met during the Hosu accident, but pleased to meet you again, heroes Deku and Shouto.>>

<<Are you the hero, Ray...?>> asks shyly Izuku.

<<I am.>> Ran and (Y/N) see that a lot of people are forming a way from there until the castle, and the girl sighs already tired, <<Young Master, please bear with it. We can't break the rules.>>

<<We can't fucking do anything here, I see no differences.>> she whispers back.

Suddenly, everyone starts to sing with powerful voices and the group moves forward. Children, adolescents, adults and even old persons, male, female... there's so many people, what is this? Since the two young heroes are confused, Lenka explains what's happening.

<<Every time a Kafka's heir arrives, a hymn called: "Riot of a Hundred Flames" must be played as sign of respect and worship, since the ones like (Y/N) are considered as a god here.>>

<<How stupid...>> whispers Todoroki, looking at all those people lowering their heads while singing.

<<As the world recognizes you as Endevour's son and not for being Shouto, here is the same thing.>> whispers back Tenka walking behind (Y/N).

When they reach the top of the staircase, a huge wide space is waiting them. As the hymn reaches its end, the servants of the house, sit on their knees in a very polite pose, immobile as a statue. (Y/N) stays at the top of the group, staring at the side of the castle where there are a few seats and three servants are attending the arrive of the chiefs.

Shuu remembers to Shouto and Izuku to be mute and let (Y/N) speak, even if they’re the bearers of the beasts, she has more power inside the hierarchy, leave everything to her is the best choice right now. The silence falls upon them, everything is so quiet that Midoriya can hear the sound of the river, the sound of the leaves... A whisper rises from the servants group, starting a conversation.

<<I heard that she fought Seatiel...>> , <<We must reveal ourselves? What she was thinking?>> , <<I don't know, (Y/N)-sama was really irresponsible about the family.>> , <<She is planning to reject the right to lead the family, what a disgraceful child.>> , <<What you were aspecting from her? She is the Black Sun.>>

<<Seems that you did a big mistake this time, right, third coming of Kafka?>> one of the servant who’s waiting near the empty seats, speaks aloud, <<This happened because you didn't obey to our orders.>>

<<Shut up useless bitch, I'm not here to talk with you.>>

<<Mph, talks the unwanted child you are, who is the most useless one here?>>

<<Todoroki-kun for the love of god, restrain yourself!>> whispers Midoriya clinging to Shouto's arm because he was unlocking his quirk, <<We must bear with it, or else, (Y/N)-chan will pay for us.>> "God, Shuu-san was right... It's very hard to not say something back. Why these people are so mean with her? Is this the way to treat someone that you consider like a god?"

<<Talks the woman that couldn't become anything in her life, so she decided to become a slutty dog for a miserable master.>> Joel notices that the tip of her hair is turning black, she is losing her composure, this is bad...

<<You->> a door slides open and the three chiefs walk to their seats. Everyone lows their head a little, but not (Y/N) and her friends, they mustn't do that since they are in a higher position inside the family, and they want to treat those bastards like shit too. Two birds with a stone.

<<Welcome, Kafka's heir and her servants.>> speaks the man, <<Explain what happened in the Hosu prefecture.>>

<<I want to talk with the high priestess about this.>> responds the girl, <<You are not wise enough.>>

<<Your new servants have tamed the power of the beast?>>

<<I want to meet the high priestess.>> your friends understand right away that you’re at your limit, your voice is becoming harsher, <<If you reject my request, I'll do it by myself.>>

<<She is sick today, you must talk with us.>>

<<I've warned you.>> the girl walks a few steps followed by her group, but the woman who was arguing with before and the other servants block her, <<C'mon, do you think that these good-for-nothing can beat me? It's against my vow to hurt someone, I let you step aside voluntarily.>>

<<Dogs don't talk; when your master says come, you come!>> the other man shouts angrily.

<<You might not know this, but I'm a crazy bastard that'll bite her master.>> you smile evilly, <<This is your last chance, let me meet the high priestess.>>

<<Are you deaf-GHA!!!>> (Y/N) grabbed the woman's hand, twisted it and kneed her elbow, breaking her arm. Izuku jumps when he hears what sound makes the other servants that are crushed on the ground so easily and with so much power. They’re groaning in pain in front of the girl, who doesn't even look at them.

<<These bitches aren't suitable even for a warming up. Ran is much stronger than them->>

<<What is all this mess?>>

An authoritarianvoice stops everything.

---Continue...

Chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 21.5, 22, 22.5, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, Last Chapter

[des8pudels8kern]

Rules: if you can, list the Top Ten songs you are listening to lately, and tag ten mutuals to do the same!

I was tagged by @potentiality-26 and for once actually feel like doing this, contrary to my usual habit of ignoring these kind of memes because decisions are hard, okay (which is why I put this list in alphabetical order rather than pick a number one ).

Easy Silence - Dixie Chicks

Failure - Breaking Benjamin

Get out Alive - Three Days Grace

Inside of you - Hoobastank (which I have never seen used in a fanmix, even though it fits the themes of UST and possession beautifully)

Promiseland - Mika

Radio Orchid - Fury in the Slaughterhouse

Space Girl - The Imagined Village

The Emperor’s New Clothes - Panic! At The Disco

The Sound of Silence - Disturbed

Trouble Is A Friend - Lenka

Tagging: @bleakmonday, @eightshinyunicorns, @eighthplague, @emu-slayer, @markzuckerbergs, @popsongnation, @seascribe, @shoreslip, @star-cunning, @youvegotaluckyface

[hetttttttttt]

Get to Know Me Asks

Nicknames: Het, Henri. Sometimes hettledettle, but let’s not go there.

Gender: female, of the cis variety.

Star sign: Virgo

MBTI type: INFJ-A

Height: 5′5"

Time: 6:55 p.m.

Birthday: September 2, 1998

Favorite bands: there’s toooo maany. But right now: the Arctic Monkeys, Mother Mother, Fleet Foxes, and Bastille.

Favorite solo artists: uh. City and Colour, BØRNS. I can’t really think of any others.

Song stuck in my head: Do I Wanna Know by the Arctic Monkeys, Trouble is a Friend by Lenka, and somewhere in the background No Culture by Mother Mother is playing.

Last movie watched: The World’s End (the Simon Pegg movie)

Last show watched: Supernatural. My sister is rewatching it

When did I create my blog: Jan, 2013

What do I post: just a lot of Fandom shit. And sometimes aesthetic stuff, but mostly the fandom shit

Last thing I googled: tumblr post limit checker, bc it tells you when you made your blog and I couldn’t remember. Before that it was MBTI types BC I couldn’t remember mine. Can you tell I don’t have a very good memory.

Do you have other blogs: uh. Yeah. I just. Hm. I’m gonna blush and walk away.

Do you get asks: Very rarely. But I don’t mind, cause I’m not exactly a social person.

Why did you choose your url: its my name with embellishments BC I call people bean and I’m bean. It used to be hettledettle, but that was a nickname based on my ex’s nickname, so I got rid of it.

Following: 700 tumbls. Wows. I have no idea how many of those have been deleted or whatever either.

Followers: 345. And I definitely don’t know how many aren’t active anymore.

Favorite color: Blue. Smalt blue in particular.

Average hours lately: uh. I’m assuming you’re talking about sleep. So. Anywhere between 5 and 9 hours.

Lucky number: 7

Instruments: Xylophone, Vibraphone, etc. All those mallet instruments.

What am I wearing: my boyfriends t-shirt, and mom jeans.

How many blankets I sleep with: two generally, and as many pillows as I can get my hands on (which includes my boyfriend, geddit 😉)

Dream job: ….no clue. I used to want to be a psychiatrist or a psychologist…but that’s unattainable now.

Dream trip: England, Scotland, Ireland. Maybe just Ottawa to see m family.

Favorite food: chocolate cake, or something fruity. I feel like something fruity right now.

Nationality: English, Scottish, French Canadian. That’s all I know of. There could be more.

I’m not gonna tag anyone, and nobody tagged me, just wanted to. Whoever wants to do this can. Have fun.

[hollywoodstarletsrp]

Ginger

Paulie Robert McDaniels

Twenty-six years old

“Left Brain, Right Brain” - Bo Burnham

One out of eleven siblings, Paulie had to find a way to stand out amongst the crowd. He soon realized that he had a knack for humor and making others happy. He became the class clown, and has slowly turned into a well known comedian. He has also done voice acting work on several children’s films and late night animated shows. He tries to make everyone around him happy, and this causes him to give more of himself than he has.

Paulie has always seemed to suffer from depression. He doesn’t remember a time when it didn’t effect him, and he has contemplated suicide on multiple occasions. The only reason he is still around is because he wants to live long enough to see all the darkness around him become light. His favorite person in the world is his mother, and he would sit in her kitchen while she cooked admiring her always smiling face. It was her who taught him to smile whenever things are at their worst, and that cooking seems to make things right in the world.

X O X

Lendi Primrose Benson

Twenty years old

“Unique” - Lenka

Depending on when you meet Lendi, she will either come off as a bubbly girl with frills and lace, or she will be a leather clad, apathetic woman. She is an indie singer with an alternative kick, and her shows are really something of beauty. Lendi is known for the wacky things she does when she is on stage. For example, she has a tendency to strip on stage whenever she gets annoyed with an outfit or gets too hot because of the lights. People are always in a whirlwind when it comes to her, and she loves being a contradiction.

She can seem timid at times, but at others, she can be loud and obnoxious. She was raised by her father, who is a late night television personality, and because of this, she has been used to the socialite society of Hollywood. She decided young that she was going to be someone without all of that, and that’s exactly what she has done. She is the type of person to scream at the sight of a spider, but carry a live python around her neck on stage. She hates children, but she has a love for small furry animals and cute things.

X O X

Samuel Benjamin Rogers

Twenty-five years old

“Figure Me Out” - The Summer Set

Sammy is the poster child of popular music. He has always been the good guy, and he has a cult following of fans who call themselves “Samuelites”. He was born into the average American family, and he played sports and went to church while growing up. However, what most people didn’t know is that Sammy was sneaking out late at night to go to parties and getting into things that people would have never imagined. He was once offered a baseball scholarship, but he turned it down, knowing he wouldn’t pass the drug test.

He, at one point, just made covers in his bedroom, but now he is touring the world. He has done a couple cameos on television, but he enjoys music more than acting. He is your all American man, but with a heavy drinking problem, which has begun to give him trouble. He has had several DUIs, and the press is beginning to realize just who Sammy Rogers really is.

X O X

Alice Marie Butler

Twenty-three years old

“Hard Out Here” - Lily Allen

Now an internet personality and model, Alice started off her career at bit different than most. When she turned eighteen, she got the opportunity to become one of the girls of Playboy, and she jumped at the offer. While one of the the Playboy Bunnies, she studied to be a nurse and got her degree. Most people only recognize her for her time in the mansion, but Alice is trying to rebrand herself. People tend to forget that she is more than just a sex symbol.

When you get past your first impressions of her, Alice has a big heart for kids and people. She constantly is using her royalties to give to charity, and she volunteers at an old folks’ home on the weekends. When she left home to join Playboy, her family completely disowned her and she has a hard time getting close to people because of this. She just wants the world to know her as Alice Butler, before they know her as Alice, the bunny.

X X X

Violet Wednesday Palen

Thirty years old

“Beautiful Thing” - Grace VanderWaal

Looking like the type of person who would rob you of your dignity and never return, Violet is nothing but a total softy. Her voice is high and sweet, and if it weren’t for her dozens of tattoos, she would be mistaken for a young teenager. Violet was raised by the average middle class family that never had any problems. Her childhood was picture perfect to say the least with thousands of music recitals and the occasional live theatre performance. She was always welcome to become whomever she wanted to be, so she began her ink journey.

It has always seemed like Violet could play any instrument that you placed in front of her. A natural virtuoso with a heart of gold, she had a childlike sense of wonder, and her best friend is her bunny, Honeybun. As she was teaching at a private school in her early twenties, she fell in love with a student. However, she left the school and they created the band “Bunny and the Bomb” together. Their fans cannot even deny their undying love for one another, and they are never seen without the other by their side.

X X X

[yuki-d-raizel-blog]

Hero

Chapter 31/??

Relationship: Todoroki Shouto x Reader (Your/Name), (Full/Name)

Summit: It all begin at the Sports Festival when Shouto’s other half met Endevour by mistake. The student never thought to see his partner fight against his father just to show him that he is wrong. It started from that instant, Shouto’s new path started exactly from that moment thanks to his friends and his beloved one.

---

Day after day, the internship over and everyone goes back to school, they all see that Todoroki is not feeling well. Under his eyes are forming dark circles, he always has earphones and doesn't listen to anyone, not even lessons. He lays his head on the desk and doesn't move. The class knows that (Y/N) is injured due to a fight, but if she hasn't come back, her injuries were so bad? Midoriya and Iida cover everything saying that Shouto is just stressed because the doctors prohibited him to see (Y/N), but deep inside, they're sick worried too, Shuu or the others didn't call or text during the week, and the waiting is killing all of them. Midoriya touches Todoroki's shoulder and waits that he moves his attention towards him.

<<It's lunch break, do you want to come with me?>> the student refused, Izuku is not good at forcing people to do something that they don't want to, <<I t-think, (Y/N)-chan would be sad and upset to see you like this. She wants us to smile, even if it's hard, we are aiming to be heroes after all, and she would scold you for skipping meals and sleeping like you did.>>

<<....Yeah, you're right...>> he stands up and grabs his jacket, <<Let's go.>>

During the break, Todoroki confessed that he can't sleep anymore, he always dreams the scene of that day, he can't control himself and often his quirk went wild because he’s too anxious and mental instable, so he keeps listening to (Y/N)'s music to tranquilize himself.

The break is almost over, the class leads back, but Kirishima grabs Uraraka's uniform and points outside.

<<Hey, that's Lenka-san outside the gates, isn't he?>> he whispers because he wants to be sure of it, and doesn't want to give fake hopes to somebody.

<<Yes, he is.>> Lenka notices them and waves energetically to catch their attention, <<What is he saying?>> seeing that the students don't understand, he uses his powers to write a phrase in the air.

<<"Would you call Shouto for me? I tried all day but his phone didn't work"... Oh god! Ok, wait there Lenka-san!>> both rush inside the classroom screaming.

<<Todoroki!>> Eijiro calls him as loud as he can since the half-half boy has the earphones again, <<Oi man!>>

<<What's happening Kirishima-kun?>> asks Midoriya, <<Why are you so agitated?>>

<<Lenka-san is outside the gates and wants to talk with you!>> Shouto jumps up and asks if they can repeat what they just said, <<Lenka-san is waiting for you! C'mon!>> Uraraka pushes him behind his back to lead him to the same window they saw the blonde twin.

Eijiro, Tenya and Izuku follow them too, the moment is come. (Y/N) is awake or not? Which one?

Todoroki lays his hand on the window and stares intensively at the twin, ready to read his labial.

<<We found out which hospital (Y/N) is.>> Midoriya whispers together with Todoroki to be sure that he got right what the man is saying, <<Miraje provided a special permission for the ones who wants to come. I wait here, and I’ll explain the details during the way.>>

Aizawa caught the students outside the class. He drags them back and before he could speak with his annoyed tone, the principal walks in. The students stand up and bow, while the teacher helps him to get on the desk, so everyone can see him well.

<<As you know, (Y/N) was injured during the Hosu incident, also, her family and doctors prohibited to anyone to visit her. Now, just for today, the ones who wants to visit her can go, I give you my authorization.>> the principal smiles and joins his paws behind the back, <<Who doesn't want to, can stay here and->>

<<I want to go!>> Todoroki stands up with his arm all stretched, <<Please!>>

<<Me too!>> , <<I want it too!>> shockingly, the entire class raise their hands and vocal their will, even Katsuki wants to come, saying that he must make fun of you.

<<Very well, have a safe trip everyone.>> Shouto is the first one who exits the room like a bolt and the others can't follow him, he's going so fast. He jumps the stairs, changes his shoes quickly and runs outside the gates.

---

The school lends its bus to Shuu, Lenka, Tenka and Joel to accompany the students to their destination. During the way, Todoroki holds tight his phone where there are almost all (Y/N)'s songs, those melodies saved him to go insane. The house was quieter and colder without her, he certainly didn't return to his mansion because it could only make him feel worse; Izuku invited him to stay over, but Shouto always refused. The only things that could save him from desperation and insanity, were those symphonies.

<<Hey, do you feel to talk with me for a bit?>> Joel kneels in front of him and shows his charming grin.

<<Yes, what is it?>>

<<We’re on the same boat, we didn't see (Y/N) yet, we don't know if she’s awake or not, but Miraje told us to keep this secret because the Ryuhis didn't give the permission yet.>>

<<I understand.>> Shouto lows his head and tights the grip around his phone, <<I appreciate that you let me come with you... I really mean it.>>

<<Now, now, raise your head, hero.>> Joel grabs Todoroki's chin with his finger and looks at him with a warm expression, <<Always smile like when you came to the orphanage, ok? I know, it's still hard for you to understand your own feelings, but moving a bit your lips isn't so difficult to do.>>

<<H-how do you know it?>>

<<I was like you when I was younger. I had the same behavior and the same eyes you had at the festival. But thanks to (Y/N), I learnt to recognize my emotions and started to discover the me that you're seeing now. Take your time Shouto, it's not easy to deal with feelings and stuff, so make sure to understand them and if you’re struggling, asks (Y/N) to help you. She understands people easily, she can show you what that feeling is.>>

<<Okay... Thank you very much, Joel-san...>>

<<Drop the "-san".>> the man shuffles lightly his half-half hair, <<You’re like a lil brother, call me by name.>>

"They’re really strong..." thinks Midoriya sit next to Shouto, "They’re quirkless, but they fought the Noumu without fear to protect a child, their wills are unbreakable, they’re all smart and capable... We’ve the wrong image of quirkless people..."

The bus arrives at the hospital. The students follow Shuu and his friends towards the gates where Hakkai is waiting them. Even if Todoroki, Izuku, Tenya, Ochako, Kirishima and the others are dying to see (Y/N), they must stick up with the slow pace of the group. They already noticed a few guards here and there, they must bear with their own impatience to avoid troubles for Hakkai and Miraje.

♩ If you can hear the sound that rings out from the bottom of your heart, there is no need for a reason more than that... ♩

The wind carries a melodic voice across the hospital. There's no music or instruments, but somehow, everyone can hear the rhythm inside that voice. Everyone's hopes are increasing fast, their hearts become lighter, please, do that that voice is coming from the person they hope is.

"Yeah, I know this song." thinks Todoroki, "(Y/N)'s mother was singing it in my dream... So, it existed for real and wasn't something that she said in the heat of the moment. Glad to know that."

They keep walking and strangely, there's no one outside, no doctors or patients; is this a private hospital or something?

♩ The rain that continues to pour down like the time that cannot be stopped; the rain blocks my view, I cannot see anything. If you say, we still have no choice but to keep moving forward, I don't need any answers... Let whatever is remaining after it has all ended, be the truth. ♩

Hakkai leads them to a room on the fourth floor and stops in front of the closed door. He knocks a few times, but no one answers, so he calls his granddaughter but she doesn't respond. Is she sleeping? The old man opens the door and finds the room empty. He panics and Shuu and Joel scolds him hardly, how could he lost his own granddaughter?!

<<What's happening over there?>> Tenka moves to a window and looks in the garden, "So many people..." he notices in front of that crowd, under a tree, sat on a bench a womanly figure, <<A-a-a-h-kk-fjkujyd!>>

<<Hah?! What the hell are you saying? Did you become stupid?>> Lenka was dragged by his brother to the window, <<What->> he follows Tenka's finger and sees it too, <<Oh my fucking god!! Shuu, Joel look there! She's there!>>

<<What happened to her hair?>> asks Shuu and the twins rush through the corridors screaming happily.

<<Who gives a shit about the hair! She's alive man!>>

---Continue...

Chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 21.5, 22, 22.5, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, Last Chapter