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junisfics · 3 years

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addressing this post — 06/08/21

tw: mentions of: eating disorders, "skinnyphobia", fatphobia, sexual assault, rape, racism.

note: it is very probable that i may add things onto this post as things progress, so please be patient with me. i'm going to open up my ask box to be open to criticism, but i will not be responding to any that aren't questions.

to provide context.

the origins of this post has come from an earlier thread found here. in this thread, said user created some sort of “blocklist” with a list of tagged users and what they’ve done wrong. in said post, it’s stated that i defend individuals who write noncon/dubcon, which is true. as a victim of sexual assault and rape i find rape fiction as a form of a way i gain my control back, but thats besides the point.

in response to this post, i created a list of things that ive also done that could be seen as problematic which you’ll be able to see if you scroll a little lower. in this list, i disclose a few things; some of which are sarcastic, and others which are not. it is my mistake that i did not include tone indicators to differentiate the sort.

i thought that it was okay to make a joke out of this situation, which i truly shouldnt have thought. my intention was to make the “victims” of that post feel better about their inclusion in it by joking about the subject. i didn’t intitally take this post as something serious, which is why i was so open about joking about it. i always saw block lists as something petty or something to joke about, which is why i joke about it.

racism.

(technically ethnicity, but mentions of me being white were also brought up)

in this list, i start with the fact that ive called my friend callie (who is mexican) a b*aner. which is a slur used against mexican people. i am mexican. im 75% mexican, as an estimate, for i do not know my full history due to the fact that im adopted. but also, even though i am mexican, i am decently white passing depending on context. on days where i straighten my hair, im white. but on days where i wear my hair naturally, its very hard to tell what race/ethnicity i am.

as a mexican person, i have faced discrimination both societally and systematically for being mexican. obviously, since im white majority of the time, societal prejudice towards me isnt as great as systematic prejudice is. but there have been moments where i have been called slurs for my appearence (whether or not those slurs applied to me)

given the fact that i have been derogatorily called a b*aner, i believed that i had every right to say this word given the fact that it has been used against me, and because i have been mexican.

im so incredibly sorry if my use of the slur has brought hurt to anyone. although that was not my intention to hurt anyone, i realize that i have hurt people in the process and im incredibly sorry for doing so.

also, the fact that ive brought race/ethnicity up has been heavily brought into question. the only reason i included the fact that ive said “racist” things towards my friend callie was to show that i was being sarcastic with my following statement that im “skinnyphobic”

“skinnyphobia”

this was one of the situations where i am at fault for not using a tone indicator. i am completely aware that skinnyphobia does not exist, i am also completely aware that hurt that skinny people may feel in society is no where near the oppression fat people feel.

the reason i included this as a bullet point was because me and my friend group have a running joke about being “skinnyphobic” due to the amount of hate my fat friends have recieved from skinny girls both online and in their pasts. we all know that skinnyphobia isnt real. this is similar to how we also joke that we are “racist to white people”. we also know that racism towards white people does not exist, the same way that “skinnyphobia” does not exist. our joking about this was purely satirical and ironic.

i realize that ive hurt many of my fat AND skinny followers by the inclusion of this poor joke and im incredibly sorry for doing so. it is completely my fault for not including a tone indicator, but it is also my fault for thinking that this would be an okay joke to make.

fatphobia.

next in the list of things was my inclusion that i used to run a thinspo blog. a while ago, before i wrote fanfiction, this blog used to be a thinspo blog. i have been very open about the fact that i used to be very mentally ill, had a very bad eating disorder, and that this blog used to be a thinspo blog. since then, this blog has been completely wiped of all content including any sort of thinspo or pro eating disorder content.

i believed that it was okay to joke about the fact that i formerly used to run a thinspo blog because of the fact that ive changed so much since then. im absolutely embarassed of the person i used to be and how pro-ed i used to be as well. although i am still healing, and i still have trouble with my eating habits, i am in no way near as unhealthy or mentally ill as i was then.

it came to my attention through this post that someone who was fat was deeply offended by my joking about how i used to run a thinspo blog. i addressed it in that post, which you can read if you want to.

that post and my response was taken as a joke, i never intended my response to come off as a joke, it was completely genuine. i believed that i had every right to joke about my traumatic past given the fact that it was mine, but given that, i had failed to take into consideration on how my jokes about my past may effect other people.

i am terribly sorry if me joking about a thinspo blog offended you. eating disorders arent funny, thinspo blogs arent funny, and using my own experience with an eating disorder shouldnt be used as an excuse to joke about one.

also, on the topic of eating disorders, the eating disorder i specifically had (anorexia) is heavily centered around fatphobia. societal desires to be skinny, as well as my own desire to be found pretty in the eyes of other people, drew me to developing an eating disorder that caused me to be severly underweight.

in my past, i see how my desire to be skinny was fatphobic. i absolutely understand that and im so incredibly sorry if my experience has brought anyone pain or harm.

since that time when i had anorexia, ive healed immensely. ive learned to love and accept all bodies and all people. even though my actions in the past have had fatphobic intentions, i can gurantee that i am not fatphobic now. ive tried my best to be an active advocate against fatphobia, to speak out against the biases towards skinny people in fanfiction.

i can claim everything i want, but claims can do nothing for you, and your opinion on me heavily relies on my actions. but my actions have shown otherwise, and in the process i have hurt many of my fat followers by the revelation of me previously owning a thinspo blog.

in the end, ive hurt many people today both intentionally and unintentionally and im truly sorry for my actions. i should have realized that my experiences with such topics should not be taken the same as others experiences, and my comfortability with jokes is not the same as others comfortability.

#tw: fatphobia #tw: discourse #tw: eating disorder #tw: rape #pinned post

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qsdblogging · 4 years

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Top 10 TV Shows You Need To Watch Right Now

Now, I watch a lot of television. I always have and frankly, I’m much more of a binge watcher than a wait-around-for-a-week-for-the-next-episode kind of watcher.

And with everything the past few months, there wasn’t all that much to do other than start rewatching some of my favorite shows and some that I’ve never seen or haven’t seen in a while.

So, that’s what I did and here I am giving you some recommendations for shows to add to your own watching lists.

Warning, though, some of these don’t end the best way and may end up more as a disappointment. I’ll leave that up to you to decide.

I. Fringe.

I cannot recommend this show enough to people. It’s got five full seasons (although the last could’ve been a little better, but it’s honestly not that bad of a final season) of high-risk scenarios revolving around almost unexplainable phenomena regarding a tear in the fabric of reality. It deals with experiments that gives superpowers (basically), advanced technology, and a parallel universe.

Plus, there’s a cow.

What more could you want from a show?

Some familiar faces that are in the main cast or show up at some point include John Noble, who you may recognize from Sleepy Hollow and The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Lance Reddick, who was in The Wire, White House Down, American Horror Story, and played Charon in the John Wick franchise, Leonard Nimoy, who you should know from the original Star Trek series, and Anna Torv from Mindhunter.

II. Lincoln Rhyme: Hunt for the Bone Collector.

Now, if you know crime books, you may know exactly what this is based off of. If not, fear not, I am here to tell. This series (which, like a lot of the others down the list, unfortunately, got cancelled and won’t get to see a second season) was based off of The Bone Collector, a first in a series of novels by Jeffery Deaver.

If you like crime shows, you should definitely give this a shot. Don’t let the fact that it’s only one season stop you.

Things get pretty wild in just one season as it revolved around a retired forensic criminologist, who had been trying to catch the Bone Collector only to get injured, that gets back into the game three years later when an ambitious young detective is determined to help solve the case when a new body shows up.

You might even recognize a face or two, like Arielle Kebbel (the ambitious young detective) from her role as Lexi in The Vampire Diaries and Olivia Charity in Midnight, Texas, and Russell Hornsby (the retired forensic criminologist) from Grimm, The Hate U Give, Proven Innocent, and The Affair.

III. Manifest.

Luckily, this show is said to be getting a third season and so far, isn’t going to get cancelled. It focuses on passengers from Flight 828, who show up five years after their plane went missing. Some passengers start experiencing what they call ‘callings’ and try to figure out if they were chosen for some sort of duty that the callings led them too, but things get a little confusing when someone who wasn’t on a flight seems to have a year missing of their own life after being deemed missing.

Things get a little weird and dangerous along the way, and not everyone is happy about how things turn out.

It’s pretty interesting and I’m really looking forward to what else they come up with. There’s a few familiar faces that play a part in the show that includes Daryl Edwards, who you may recognize from the first season of Daredevil, Ellen Tamaki who is also in the reboot of Charmed, Athena Karkanis, who’s been in The Expanse and Lost Girl, and Josh Dallas, who one may recall playing Prince Charming in Once Upon a Time, and Fandral in Thor.

It’s a rather good show to get lost in and I definitely recommend giving it a go.

IV. Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

If you don’t have an idea as to what this show is, I don’t know what to say. The title kind of gives it away. It’s the only Marvel Show (as of now since none of the shows in production have come out as of yet) to technically be connected to the MCU itself.

That’s found in one of the main characters, Phil Coulson, who you’d recognize from Captain Marvel, Iron Man, Iron Man 2, Thor, and The Avengers. Plus, Cobie Smulders (Maria Hill) and Samuel L. Jackson (Nick Fury) both give a cameo in the show.

The show was rumored to have been set in a different, but similar, timeline to that of the MCU movies, but I don’t know for sure if it’s true or not.

It follows its own set of issues, including a deeper dive into the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D., issues with HYDRA, and so on and so forth. The last season, which I honestly cried during, gives such good twists and callbacks to previous seasons and the MCU movies that you can’t help but enjoy how it’s handled.

As a show, it probably has one of the best final seasons possible and I highly recommend giving the full seven seasons a watch if you haven’t already.

V. Primeval.

Now, if you like dinosaurs, this is a show for you. It’s BBC, so obviously everyone has an accent. It gave a run of five seasons (which is kind of funny because I didn’t realize that until just now writing this as the show is listed as number five on the list) with different episode amounts.

The show centers around anomalies that seem to open up a window to the very distant past of Earth when dinosaurs still roamed the land. It causes a lot of issues, especially if one person has anything to do with it.

It’s pretty interesting and honestly has got some great characters (my personal favorite is Captain Becker, played by Ben Mansfield) and while it can get pretty serious, it’s also pretty entertaining. It’s one of the three shows on this list to get to end on a good-ish note. (AKA, no cliffhangers!)

Obviously, I highly recommend giving it a shot. It’s kind of the point of this list.

VI. Terra Nova.

Now, like Primeval, this show technically has to do with dinosaurs. Dinosaurs aren’t the main focus, but they do play a part in this one season (because cancellations) story.

Terra Nova is focused on both the future and the past. In the distant future (2149), the Earth is dying. A group of people, researchers, and military as well as some of their family members, are sent to the past (85 million years) to inhabit Terra Nova, a colony of humans given a second chance to build civilization.

So, obviously, dinosaurs are going to make an appearance now and then. And unfortunately, the show only got one season and ends on a cliffhanger. Which I hate, because I really enjoy this show and wish it had been able to at least get a second season.

Plus, there are some familiar faces amongst the cast. Jason O’Mara, who plays one of the main cast members, played Jeffrey Mace in Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.. Christine Adams, who plays Lynn Pierce in Black Lightning. Allison Miller, who played Sonya in 13 Reasons Why. And Naomi Scott, who is known for her roles in Lemonade Mouth (one of my all-time favorite DCOMs) and Aladdin. And this was just to name a few of the cast members.

Shame it got cancelled, truly, but I recommend giving it a shot.

VII. MTV’s Scream.

I think you can figure out the basis of this show. While it doesn’t have anything to do directly with the movie franchise, it is kind of similar and a lot of the characters reflect those from the show. Neve Campbell even said that if the show did well, she would be willing to do a cameo.

It revolves (at least the first two seasons as season three is an entirely different set of cast and premise that I refuse to watch because of that) around Emma Duval and her group of friends as they’re picked off one by one by a serial killer going around town. Things get bloody and suspicions arise amongst the crew when things are revealed as the show continues, but things eventually work out in the end.

And personally, I really enjoyed the show even when the second season ended on a cliffhanger. I have theories about that cliffhanger, however, so watch out for a possible post regarding it.

I highly recommend giving it a chance if you haven’t seen it.

VIII. The Society.

Now, the title doesn’t give you much. A group of teenagers, who were sent off on a trip, suddenly are dropped back off in their town to find it completely empty aside from themselves. They have to form their own society to survive and figure things out.

Once you know that, it makes a little more sense.

It seems really similar to the Pied Piper tale, but it doesn’t seem like we’re going to really know for sure. Season 2 had been given a go-ahead, but not too long ago Netflix announced the cancellation of the show.

That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the first season like I do. Plus, if you’re a fan of Supernatural and the character of Claire Novak, Kathryn Newton plays one of the main roles in this show.

It’s a shame the show got cancelled, especially on a cliffhanger, but what can we do?

IX. The Mysteries of Laura.

Laura Diamond, a Homicide Detective, cracks case after case while trying to raise twin boys and locking horns with her less than helpful Police Detective ex-husband. At least, this is according to IMBD and frankly, it’s not really wrong.

For two seasons, it’s packed with comedy and crime. It’s more of the former, but it still gets pretty serious every now and then, and unfortunately ends on a cliffhanger.

However, some cast members may be familiar. Like Josh Lucas, who voices Home Depot commercials (and trust me, it made my family laugh when we first heard one after watching the show), Laz Alonso who plays MM in The Boys, and Debby Ryan, from Disney Channel.

If you like light-hearted crime shows (like Brooklyn-Nine-Nine) you should definitely give this a watch.

X. Warrior Nun.

As far as I know, this show has been renewed for a season two. I’m really hoping for it because it’s honestly kind of interesting. You can kind of tell by the title what it may be, but I’ll dive a little deeper.

After waking up in a morgue, Ava, an orphaned teen, discovered she now possesses superpowers as the chosen Halo Bearer for a secret sect of demon-hunting nuns. (Taken from IMDB). Interesting, right?

With characters like Shotgun Mary, Sister Beatrice, and Sister Lilith, you know the show’s going to be interesting. But the premise is pretty interesting on it’s own too.

There’s even a character called JC, who apparently has nothing to do with Jesus Christ, but I still like referring to him as such because it’d be pretty funny if that’s how it turns out. Also, someone gets beat up with a whole chicken at some point.

It’s only got the one season so far, but it’s pretty funny and action packed. Like everything on this list, I definitely think you should watch it and find out for yourself if you want to add it to your list if you haven’t already.

#tvshows #watchlist #warriornun #fringe #mtvscream #thesociety #primeval #terranova #themysteriesoflaura #aos #agentsofshield #manifest #lincolnrhyme #qsdblogging #qsdbloggingpopculture #qsdpopculture #findingqsd

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ashsblurbs · 4 years

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When you thought you found your happiness

*Not my gif*

“Not many people know or have seen Tony Stark in many years. The old playboy disappeared after his parents died from a car accident when he was only twenty-one. After that, he took over the family business and vanished. Rumors have it he ran off to Malibu and married one of his floozies. Others say he died with his parents and someone else has been covering as him. No one will ever know the truth. Not even the ones closest to him.”

After showing the most recent photo the world could fine of Tony Stark, the screen went black leaving Steve alone in a room full of silence. He and Tony weren’t so much different, he thought. Steve had disappeared without a trace nearly seventy years ago but that wasn’t his choice. Tony chose to run away. Steve had no right to judge Tony. He had never met him or knew him. He did know his father many years ago. All the information Steve had at the palm of his hands were the few videos and some files that director Fury had given to him once he woke up. The files told him nothing like usual. He was on his own in this new modern world. Steve looked over at the clock that was in his room and knew his keepers would come in shortly and bring him to meet his new teammates. Steve took a deep breath and sigh. He was happy to be alive. He really was but sometimes he just wished they would put him back in the ice.

“There was an idea to put together a team of special human beings to protect us against horrors we couldn’t imagine. This is why all of you are here.” Nick Fury walked out of the shadows. Steve remembered him since he was the first person he met once he woke up. He looked around the table trying to put names to faces that he recognized from his many files.

“This is Natasha Romanoff. She is a shield agent and ex-soviet spy. I wouldn’t mess with her if I was you. Next to her is Clint Barton. He is also an agent of shield and is skilled with a bow and arrow. Then we have Bruce Banner. He’s skilled in radiation and is also the Hulk. Lastly, we have Thor. The disgraced prince of Asgard.” Steve stared at the group feeling intimidated, feeling unworthy of being here. He might have super-soldier serum in him, but he was still just a kid from Brooklyn.

“Umm, you forgot two other members of your team.” Steve whipped his head around and found the lost man of the world standing in front of him. TONY STARK. He walked into the room with boldness around him. He commanded the room and all eyes were on him, especially Steve’s. Tony was gorgeous and the photos Steve were given couldn’t compare to what he was seeing right in front of him. He needed to talk to him. He wanted to know everything about him.

“It’s nice for you to join us, Stark.” Fury gestured for Tony to grab a seat but he stayed standing. Instead Tony moved over to one of the computers to analyze it.

“I thought you were dead,” Clint spoke up. This just made Tony laugh. “Nope, just been busy making the world a better place. If everyone here could pretend, I wasn’t here that would be great. I love the outlandish tale of me being missing.”

“Why are you here? You aren’t special.” Natasha said. Tony glared at her but turned back at the group where he finally laid his eyes on Steve’s beautiful blues. Tony sucked in a breath not wanting to lose his composure but the man that was looking back at him was his teenage dream. He was alive which Tony knew that. He was the one that pulled him out of the ice after all.

Steve notice Tony was staring at him. Steve stared back giving him a blank stare not wanting any more attention to be drawn on him. Tony gave him a half-smile and then turned back to look at the whole group. There was a flutter in his chest. For the first time since he woke up, he felt like everything would be okay and hadn’t had a clue why.

“You didn’t answer my question, Tony.” Tony shifted his focus towards Natasha.

“Well, I’m a billionaire so, I am going to fund this team. Welcome to the Avengers.” Tony turned around and left everyone awestruck. Steve jumped up after him wanting to get some answers to the many questions he had. Maybe he just wanted a chance to get up close and personal with the mystery of a man. It turned out Tony was faster than he ever thought.

“Hey, Mr. Stark, do you have some time to talk.” Tony whipped around and found Steve jogging towards him. Tony stopped in his tracks and took in the sights.

“Oh, don’t call me Mr. Stark that was my father which I heard you knew. Just call me Tony.” Tony flashed him a smile and took off his glasses. He doesn’t do this for many people, but Steve was different for some reason. Maybe it was because Steve was Captain America and Captain America was a symbol, he saw all throughout his life. He even had a poster on his wall of him. That made his cheeks turn slightly red. “What do you want to talk about, Cap? We can walk and talk.” Steve nodded and followed along. Tony must be a very busy man Steve thought.

“Where have you been all of these years?” Tony raised an eyebrow at him and pierced his lips.

“I should ask you the same thing, Cap.” Steve paused.

“I was taking a nap for several years but I’m back.” This just made Tony laughed.

“Well, you can say the same about me.” A comfortable silence fell over them as they continued to walk towards the exist. Steve had several more things he wanted to ask like why was he doing this and how was his dad? Before he could an alarm went off making both of them freeze.

“Hey, Captain, we need you on one of the planes now. We found a disturbance in south Germany. This is right up your ally.” Steve ran to join Natasha but paused to turn to Tony.

“Sorry, to cut this short. It was nice to meet you, Tony.”

“It was nice to meet you too Steve. Now go.” Steve ran to suit up and fight whatever threat they were about to run into. When he was suited up, he felt like he was somebody important and not the dead guy they found alive.

“You puny humans will always fail. I just think it's funny that seventy years ago at this exact spot a man stood over you demanding allegiance and now you have another one.” The red skull stood over the crowd.

“Hydra didn’t win the first time and we won’t let you now.” This made him laugh.

“Hydra will rule the world. Hail hydra!”

“Hail this” Steve dropped down from the aircraft leading a swift kick to the jaw of Red Skull.

“Captain America. I thought you died many years ago.”

“I could say the same about you.” Red skull blasted at Steve which he blocked with his shield.

They fought for several minutes each getting equal punches in until Red skull knocked his shield out of his hands leaving him defensive. The Red Skull wrapped an arm around his neck resulting in his airway to be cut off. Right when he was about to find a way to escape, Red skull was blasted releasing Steve. Steve looked up to find a red-figure flying above him. He really thought he had seen everything, but he guessed not. The red robot secured Red skull in cuffs and started to walk him towards the plane.

“Thank you, um.”

“Iron man. I am a friend of Tony Stark’s and is the last avenger. It is nice to meet you Captain America” As they kept walking up the ramp, someone fired a shot, hitting Steve in the back making him collapse on the ground leading him to fall paralyze. “Captain, are you okay.” Iron man released Red skull and bent down to carry Steve in and placed him down on the cot that Natasha pulled out.

“Ha,ha,ha! I will see you again Captain and we can finish this fight once and for all.”

Steve slowly opened his eyes to reveal a glaring light covering the room and a figure standing in the doorway. He blinked a couple more times and he noticed it was Tony. “What are you doing here?”

Tony shrugged and walked in farther into the room. “I heard from a friend of mine that you go hurt. Came to check on you.” Steve smiled weakly.

“Hey, tell your friend thank you. If it wasn’t for him, I probably would have been gone for real this time.” Tony stared at him. He looked so broken with bruises all over his face and IVs coming out of his left arm. He knew he would heal by tomorrow because of his super healing abilities but that didn’t make him not worry. Why did he care, he really didn’t know?

“I will when I see him. Now get better.” Tony turned around to walk away. There was no reason for him to still be there.

“Wait.” Tony stopped and turned around and saw Steve looking so small. “Will you stay? I don’t have anyone else.” Tony grabbed a chair and sat beside the bed.

“I don’t have anyone either. I will stay until you kick me out.” Steve rolled his head over very slowly and looked at Tony. He smiled and then closed his eyes where he fell asleep once again. Tony picked up Steve's hand. He ran his fingers along the bruises on his knuckles. Then he saw a scar that ran up his arm. It was not new because if it was it wouldn't be there. Steve would never have new scars because of the serum. He traced the scar till it disappeared into his sleeve. Who was Steve Rogers before Captain America, Tony thought?

Days and weeks went by. Steve and the rest of the Avengers went on missions fighting bad guys and trying to catch Red Skull after he got away the first time. He went underground and there wasn’t a trace of him since. While Captain America was fighting crime, Steve Rogers was finding a friend in Tony Stark. Every night they would get together and have dinner and maybe watch a movie. It was nice to finally find someone that didn’t look at him as this man out of time but just Steve.

Tony had asked the team to come to stay in his tower. It was supposed to be a base for the team but for Steve, it was a home. Steve was in his room currently drying off from showering. He looked around and found how it fit perfectly for him. It wasn’t too modernizing even though Tony wanted to. He had a photo of the last people that were in his life before he was frozen. One with the Hollowing Commandos, one with Peggy Carter and one with his best friend Bucky Barnes. He picked up the photo, staring at how happy Bucky looked instead of in his nightmares he heard Bucky’s screams. Tears slowly rolled down his cheeks missing his brother.

“Hey, Steve.” Steve turned around when he heard the knock on the door. He wiped his face quickly and opened the door to find Tony on the other side looking very, Tony. The real Tony with one of his band shirts on and his grease-stained jeans. Tony froze in the doorway seeing what was placed in front of him. “Is this how you answer the door for everyone?” Steve started to blush. He looked down and he realized he was just standing in his towel.

“Oh, I’m sorry let me just put something on really quick.” He closed the door slowly, but Tony stopped not wanting to lose the view. Tony reached out, placing a gentle hand on Steve’s chest.

“Wait, I just wanted to ask if you wanted to go to a little diner in Brooklyn.” Steve’s voice was caught in his throat. All he could think about was the heat that was rolling off of Tony’s body and the light touch of his hand sending shivers through his body. Steve grabbed hold of Tony’s hand and pulled him in closer wrapping him into his embrace. Every bad thought went through his head and he wanted to do all of it. “Yeah, I would love too. Say I pick you up around eight.” Steve pushed Tony back out of the room without another word leaving Tony breathless.

Tony leaned against the wall trying to catch his breath. He was trying to be his cool self, his playboy self but Steve brought out something totally different out of him. Tony wanted to be a good guy. Tony wanted to be the man Steve needed and the person he always wanted to be. For the first time, he felt like he could be that guy. Tony turned back to the door to knock on it one more time when the villain alert went off. Steve swung the door open already dressed in his uniform and strapping his shield to his back.

“Oh, Tony, you’re still here?” Steve gave him a perplexed look. What was Tony doing?

“I was just leaving but good luck on your mission. Don’t die.” Tony chuckled but then awkwardness fell between the two. “I will try not to.” Steve ran ahead of him while he made his way down to his lab so he could suit up himself.

“Okay, Iron Man shoot that pipe over there and then I will deflect the water. Hopefully, this will put out the fire. While Thor and Hulk take down those aliens over on third and fourth street. Romanoff and Barton help get the civilians to safety.” Iron man did as told and this allowed them to save thousands of people.

“Nice job, Captain. We make a good team, you and I.” Steve stood next to Ironman taking in the scenery of what they did together. They really were a good team.

“Yeah, we do, but do you think you guys could clean up. I have a date in a few hours. Well it’s not actually a date because the person I’m meeting didn’t say it was a date, but they did say we were going to a diner in my hometown, so it is a date right.” Steve frantically looked around with nervousness boiling up. Oh God, did he just overthink what this night was supposed to be. Iron man clapped a hand on Steve’s shoulder.

“I have a feeling that this night might be pretty special. Just don’t overthink it and be yourself.” Steve smiled feeling a little bit better. “Thank you, I really needed that. Well, I got to bounce. Have a goodnight, Iron Man.”

Tony through every item of clothing he owned out onto his floor since he couldn’t find anything that would be worthy for Steve to see him in. Ever since he found out that he could be going on a date with Steve, he just wanted everything to be perfect.

Steve tightened his tie and brushed his bangs to the side. He sprayed some colon on his wrist and grabbed the roses he picked up from the shop across from the tower. His nervousness was making him vibrate with excitement. He hadn’t liked someone this much in a long time and no one had liked him either. Tony was such a wonderful man that made him laugh and understood what was going on in his life. It was hard to find someone that shared the same life experiences and surprisingly him and Tony had.

Tony stared at his reflection of a broken man. Was he really going to do this? He stood with the nicest but also not so fancy outfit he owned on. Just a plain long sleeve black shirt with dark pants but he was Tony Stark after all so he through on a bright red jacket with it. He erased all of the negative thoughts that were popping into his head and just thought about how nervous but excited Steve was when he told a friend of his about his date. Tony looked down and saw that it was ten minutes past eight. Steve was late but then there was a knock at the door. He opened up to find a very handsome looking Steve Rogers staring at him with roses.

“I’m sorry, I’m late. I was fussing with my hair and then I almost forgot mine,” Tony took the roses out of Steve’s hands and placed them on his dresser. He pulled Steve in by the base of his collar and closed the door. Tony pressed a hard kiss to his mouth. The diner could wait another night they had other plans. The two men furiously removed their jackets off of one of another. Steve ran his hands through Tony’s hair, down his shoulder blades, then to the hem of his shirt lifting it over his head and discarding it off to the side. Tony started working on Steve’s belt buckle while he loosened his tie, wrapping it around Tony’s wrist. He pulled them tighter together and walked Tony back where he fell back onto the bed. There was a burning desire flashing over Steve’s eyes and there was a burning desire between Tony’s thighs.

Steve ripped the rest of his own clothing off leaving only his underwear. Tony could see Steve growing harder and he would be lying to himself if he didn’t say he wasn’t either. Steve pulled Tony’s still bound wrist above his head and pulled himself on top of him. Steve slowly started placing gentle kisses along Tony's jaw and down his body until he stopped at the top of his pants. Slowly he undid the buttons which just made Tony want him more. He pulled his pants down gently placing soft kisses on the inside of his thighs until finally, they were both just in their underwear. Steve laced his fingers on the inside of his boxers getting ready to take away the last piece of clothing that would leave Tony not completely naked but then he stopped.

“Do you want this Tony? Because I do” Tony let out a soft moan.

“Do your worst to me, Captain.” That was when all bets were off. Steve ripped Tony’s very expensive boxers off. There was no salvaging them.

Steve pulled Tony in closer loving the feeling of how he fit perfectly in his arms. He looked down and found Tony had fallen asleep. He looked like an angel. Steve ran his fingers through his hair taking in the memories they just shared. He never wanted this to end.

“Hey, Tony, want to go to that diner another night.” Tony stirred in his arms and looked up at him with sleepy eyes.

“Yeah, but I’m still hungry. We could get carried out.” Steve placed a kiss to the top of his head and moved to put some clothes on. “No, come back. I need snuggles.” Steve chuckled and grabbed one of his old shirts, through it over to Tony, and a pair of his shorts.

“Here put these on and follow me. I’m going to cook for you. How does pancakes sound?” Tony jumped up and wrapped his arms around Steve’s waist leaning against him.

“With chocolate chips.” Steve spun him around giving him a kiss. “Yes, chocolate chips. Anything for my baby.”

“My baby?” Steve paused looking at Tony. He was worried he had said something wrong.

“Should I have not called you that.” Tony leaned in closer taking in the warmth and scent of Steve. Steve, the man he would allow to have his whole heart as no one else had ever had before.

“No, I love it. I love being yours. You are mine too.”

Tony was in his lab tinkering away on his new invention. Tony stopped and looked at his phone to see he had a message from Steve saying he would be late tonight, but he promised they could still watch the movie they had planned. Tony replied and the swiped away the notification to look at his screen saver. It was of Steve. He was smiling with ice-cream in hand. This was their fourth or fifth date Tony thought. He really didn’t know.

“You’re going to break his heart, Stark.” Tony looked up to spot Nick Fury standing in his doorway giving him a stern look.

“What are you talking about Nick?” Tony turned off his phone and turned his back away from him.

“You know what I’m talking about. You haven’t told him yet have you.”

“Told who what.”

Nick came closer and slammed his hands down onto his desk. “You know what I’m talking about! You haven’t told Steve you are Iron Man. What’s going to happen when he finds out or worst you die in battle in that suit.” Tony turned around with fiery in his eyes.

“You don’t know what you are talking about. Steve is safer knowing nothing and for your information, tomorrow’s mission will be Iron Man’s last anyways. Steve will never know and then we can start living a normal life.” Nick just laughed.

“For someone that is so smart. You really are stupid Stark.” Nick turn and walked out of the lab leaving Tony feeling hollow. He was doing the right thing. It would kill Steve if he knew the truth. He wouldn’t be focus on the battlefield but be focused on worrying about keeping Tony safe. He knew he was right because that was why tomorrow would be his last mission. It was easier not to be there when Steve took a shot every time or he went down and didn’t get back up right away. He clicked back on his phone to look at Steve’s face once again. It would kill him if he knew he did anything to dim his beautiful smile. Tony laid his head in his hands and let all of his emotions flow. Tears streamed down his face. He was finally happy and why did it feel like it was about to be ripped away from him.

Tony finished suiting up placing his helmet on for his last mission as Iron Man. The last time fighting alongside Captain America. After this, he will be able to come home and be with his Steve as Tony. His hands shook. He closed his eyes and just breathed in. His life was about to change.

The team walked off the plane looking around at the ruble of Sokovia that was leftover. The place was eerie quiet as if there was no one here.

“Iron Man can you do a scan to see if there is anyone here. It seems we might be in the wrong place.” Iron Man did as ask of him, but nothing was detected. “Sorry Captain but no one is here. It’s like everyone has vanished. We may be too late.” He may have spoken too soon when several hydra agents appeared out of thin air. They attacked the Avengers from all angles.

“Hey, Cap, you have incoming from the west. Three of them.” Steve turned around to see them coming to him. He through his shield knocking each one out.

“Captain America we meet again.” Steve whirled around to spot Red Skull holding a Hydra weapon pointing straight at him.

“You are going down this time. You will not succeed with your plan.” Red Skull shot at him and he deflected it which just made Red Skull laugh harder.

“Here’s the thing Captain. I already have. Do you see how this town is left in ruins? Well, I’m going to do the same for your precious home. New York will be laid in shambles and you can’t do anything about it. The bomb will be there in thirty minutes” Steve stood paralyzed by the Red Skull’s words.

“Cap, come in Captain.” Steve turn on the coms to answer Iron Man. “There is a bomb coming towards New York in thirty minutes. What are we going to do?”

“I got this. I will fly it back this way and into the sky. You take care of Red Skull.” Iron Man flew away like a rocket. Steve stared up at the sky watching him go.

“Iron Man that is a one-way ticket.” “I know.” Steve through his shield knocking Red Skull down. Then he kicked and punched with no control. He saw the blood run down his face with each hit. He raised his shield above his head to make the final blow when he heard crackling coming from his earpiece.

“Hey, Captain.” Steve stopped recognizing that voice.

“Tony! What are you doing?”

“Steve, just listen to me. I want to say you were the best thing in my life and you made my life complete. I could never imagine finding the one person that completed me. You make me so happy. From the moments the sun comes up to when the sun goes down. I was so alone for so many years not wanting the world to see the real me but then you came along and changed all of that. You are my one. My only one. I love you and I will always love you, Steve Rogers.” Steve’s heart was pounding in his chest. What was Tony talking about? What was he doing?

“Tony, sweetheart, I love you too but why now. What are you doing?” The comms went dead. “Tony! Tony, answer me!” Steve ripped off his cowl and turned to Red Skull with determination. “What did you do?”

“I did nothing to your precious Tony.”

“Liar!” Out of rage and anger, Steve slammed his shield into his chest causing Red Skull to sputter his breathing and blood leaked out of his mouth. His eyes went glassy. This was the last time they would have to ever deal with Red Skull.

Steve turned back around at the sky to see Iron Man fly the missile in the sky. He disappeared. Steve thought he was gone. Then he looked up and saw a red object falling fast. “Thor catch him. Now!”

Thor laid him down to the ground and Steve ran over to see the light on his chest flicker. It was dim. Steve ran his hand along his chest and then he ripped off the faceplate to find the one face he didn’t want to see.

“Tony” he whispered. Steve lean closer to find he wasn’t breathing. Steve pulled him into his arms rocking him back and forth. “No, Tony, it can’t be you.” Tears streamed down his cheeks. “Get this off of him now,” he screamed. Thor came over and pulled the armor off. Steve picked Tony up in his arms and carried him onto the plane never letting him go. Steve didn’t know the last time he would see Tony was this morning. The last time to talk to him was over the comms. He didn’t even get to say goodbye.

“Steve, you need to place Tony on the stretcher.” Steve held him tighter.

“No! I wasn’t there to protect him and now he is dead. Get away from us!”

Steve carried Tony’s casket slowly down the aisle. He slowly lowered it down in the ground. He through several photos of them along with it. “Goodbye, my sweetheart. Goodbye, my hero.” Steve blew a kiss and walked away.

“We have lost a hero and I lost the love of my life. Tony Stark was a very private man and didn’t share many things to the public eye but the one thing he did share was his courageousness. His bravery and his brains. Tony Stark was Iron Man. They were one and the same. So, please let us remember him of the man he was.”

Steve left the press conference and went to Tony’s gravestone to say his final goodbye. “Hello, darling. I miss you every day. I didn’t get to tell you goodbye. I didn’t get to tell you that you made me feel like me again. I found myself again in a world I wasn’t supposed to belong. You made me happy and you made me laugh. I wanted to live my life with you, and I might not get to, but I get to have the memories. I love you, Tony.” Steve leaned down and kissed the tombstone. Running his fingers along the engravings. He placed his shield in front of it showing Tony he would be there to protect him forever. “Rest in Peace, Iron Man. I will see you forever, Tony.”

#stony #stevetony #superhusbands #ash's blurbs

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thenightling · 5 years

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The Bullshit I had to deal with on Tumblr Tonight

Okay, buckle up. This is a long ride, folks.

Some months ago someone posted about having a Discord about The Dreaming (Sandman Universe comic). I reblogged it as a fellow Sandman fan. I noticed in the rules there was an anti-Incest rule. I joked “Whoops, I mentioned Daniel and Ivy. Guess I broke that rule.” Daniel and Ivy are canonically a couple in The Dreaming. Unfortunately they are also technically related as Ivy is the great-grand-daughter of Desire (Daniel’s brother).

Well, the person who created the post blocked me and started to tell people I was pro-incest. Figuring this was a big misunderstanding I tried to reach out to their friends to set the record straight. I don’t even LIKE Ivy!

Then they decided to keep me on block (supposedly) because they felt I was “reblogging everything they post” and “stalking” them. Honestly, I just follow the “Sandman” tag and hadn’t noticed who I was reblogging from.

I let it be for a long time. Then tonight I saw a funny post on sandman-headcanons page that jokingly called Morpheus “Grandpa.” I realized quickly that I couldn’t reblog it. This had happened to me a lot in recent months because the posts in question had passed through the person who had blocked me or originated from them.

I publicly posted about this frustration tonight. That was my mistake. Next thing I know I find out that person was now telling people I ship a “Three-year-old” with an “old man” and they were saying this, out-of-context, to people unfamiliar with Sandman who took the statement at face value. Needless to say, I was horrified.

Here’s the thing Daniel and Morpheus are technically both “aspects” of Dream of The Endless. That means they are two facets or shards of a greater being who is essentially a great big, divine crystal or jewel. They are fragment pieces from the same soul. And I was always speaking of adult Daniel. Daniel hasn’t been depicted as a toddler since the mid-90s.

And here’s what followed after that...

https://thenightling.tumblr.com/post/189892817243/thenightling-thenightling-thenightling

I was given the ultimatum to delete any posts where I “ship” Morpheus and Daniel and they would consider unblocking me. As one of those posts had been liked by Neil Gaiman, himself, (author of The Sandman) I did not want to do that. And I was told “Oh, they already have Neilman on block too.”

(Neilman is a derogatory term used by those who think Neil Gaiman is a homophobe who “doesn’t deserve the ‘gai’ in his name.”)

So I was to choose them or the author of Sandman, Neil Gaiman. Hmm?

I got flustered and tried to explain further (suspecting this person I was talking to in direct mesage was the original person on an alt, based on how they wrote) telling me what my ultimatum was.

And in the process of defending myself and Neil Gaiman I accidentally typed “She” when the person’s pronoun of choice is Xe. I tried to correct myself but it was too late, that became a new subject of their anger toward me. They were convinced I had typed “She” on purpose. I had been using They / them as the pronoun up until that moment and I would never, ever misgender on purpose, even when angry. They refused to accept it was a typo.

Still, I was very upset at the misconception that I “ship a three-year-old with an old man.” That bothers me to no end.

Realizing there was another “misunderstanding” (and this time an exceptionally gross one) I made a post explaining who and what Daniel Hall actually is in great detail. I also provided evidence directly from the comics to confirm what I said in that he is no three-year-old. Not physically, nor mentally.

https://thenightling.tumblr.com/post/189895590768/what-the-hell-is-daniel-hall

They clearly didn’t read this post because they were still referring to Daniel as Morpheus’ “Son” and “heir.” Claiming that Morpheus “groomed” Daniel. And they referred to Morpheus as Daniel’s “predecessor” (which is something literally corrected as being wrong IN the very story that this person said is their “special interest” that they’ve read multiple times...)

Then the “ask” messages started rolling in...

https://thenightling.tumblr.com/post/189895724368/why-are-you-so-damn-obsessed-with-an-18-year-old

https://thenightling.tumblr.com/post/189895819008/just-because-someone-is-bisexual-and-supports

This above one you HAVE to read the notes to get the whole thing. Yet again they accuse me of being obsessed with them, without giving me a chance to even answer. No, I was never obsessed with them (this person). I was just bothered tonight when I couldn’t reblog a post I thought was funny.

I had lost interest in them possibly unblocking me when I found out they had Neil Gaiman blocked too. I realized I was in good company on that blocked list. But I will not stomach being accused of shipping a three-year-old. Especially when that character in canon wouldn’t even be three-years-old right now if he was human. If he was human he’d be thirty-years-old right now. He does not look, nor act three-years-old.

(Does that look like a three-year-old to you!?)

https://thenightling.tumblr.com/post/189895950763/yeah-well-you-are-a-dense-motherfucker-answer-my

https://thenightling.tumblr.com/post/189896055598/im-so-fucking-sick-of-you-youre-so-sure-that-youre

Ironic that they accuse me of bullying while lying about me. Or they were “misunderstanding the lore” (again...) and shaming me for posts the author had liked and trying to force me to delete and renounce those posts...

Here is the post Neil Gaiman had liked on the subject that they were trying to demand I delete.

https://thenightling.tumblr.com/post/171750432893/why-ive-started-the-crackship-of-morpheus-and

You may also notice the post is two-years-old. But this became this person’s new excuse for how they were treating me.

So yeah. @sorry-for-the-chocolate @zal001 @missghostlymoonshadow @endlessemptynight @deathlyendless @watertribe-enya @bazpik @hasturlavista @jr4cats @vagaryhexxx @sunagirl @iknowwheremytowelis

This is what happened to me tonight. If you’re wondering why I’m being so antisocial tonight.

Edit: I just realized the most obvious and laughable part in all of this. “Neil Gaiman is a homophobe!” Followed by “Take down that gay ship post that he liked!” ...And they, as well as their friends, don’t notice anything odd about that?! That’s rhetorical.

Not to mention I never physically shipped Morpheus and Daniel in any erotic way. I’m not some horny teenager. To me it was always about emotional / intellectual connection as equals. Also in the lore I use, it’s required that Daniel had re-created Morpheus posthumously as a dream entity (See Hob’s dream in Sandman: The Wake), which means technically, in that form Daniel would be the older of the two though both possess over eight billion years of knowledge and memory in their adult minds and bodies.

#The Sandman Fandom #Fandumb #Fan dumb #The Sandman Universe fan dumb #The Dreaming fan dumb #Daniel Hall fandumb #Dream of The Endless fan dumb

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artemis-entreri · 5 years

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[[ This post contains Part 3 of my review/analysis of the Forgotten Realms/Drizzt novel, Boundless, by R. A. Salvatore. As such, the entirety of this post’s content is OOC. ]]

Genre: Fantasy

Series: Generations: Book 2 | Legend of Drizzt #35 (#32 if not counting The Sellswords)

Publisher: Harper Collins (September 10, 2019)

My Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

Additional Information: Artwork for the cover of Boundless and used above is originally done by Aleks Melnik. This post CONTAINS SPOILERS. Furthermore, this discussion concerns topics that I am very passionate about, and as such, at times I do use strong language. Read and expand the cut at your own discretion.

Contents:

Introduction

I. Positives I.1 Pure Positives I.2 Muddled Positives

II. Mediocre Writing Style II.1 Bad Descriptions II.2 Salvatorisms II.3 Laborious “Action”

III. Poor Characterization (you are here) III.1 “Maestro” III.2 Lieutenant III.3 Barbarian III.4 “Hero” III.5 Mother

IV. World Breaks IV.1 Blinders Against the Greater World IV.2 Befuddlement of Earth and Toril IV.3 Self-Inconsistency IV.4 Dungeon Amateur IV.5 Utter Nonsense

V. Ego Stroking V.1 The Ineffable Companions of the Hall V.2 Me, Myself, and I

VI. Problematic Themes VI.1 No Homo VI.2 Disrespect of Women VI.3 Social-normalization VI.4 Eugenics

VII. What’s Next VII.1 Drizzt Ascends to Godhood VII.2 Profane Redemption VII.3 Passing the Torch VII.4 Don’t Notice Me Senpai

Poor Characterization

Boundless sees an overall regression from Timeless in terms of quality of characterization. It almost feels as though Salvatore is saying, "I don't have room for character development because Boundless is such a non-stop action novel". Most of the page space is taken up by the many unfolding events, with opponents one after another that Zaknafein has to duel in the past and a full on war fought on at least three separate fronts in the present. However, even putting aside the fact that so many of those pages could've been truncated and space dedicated to character progression, instead, what we find in Boundless is shallow, self-inconsistent, lazy, and really, just mediocre. I'm not sure what effect Salvatore was trying to achieve through the cursory and flat overviews he gives to all of the characters in his Dramatis Personae section that precedes the body of the novel. Descriptions like the one for Briza Do'Urden, which reads, "Malice's eldest daughter. Huge and formidable" makes me wonder if Salvatore was going for humor. Yet, there isn't anything funny about the rest of the characterizations, except in an ironic sense in how bad they are, as though they were the words of someone trying to explain the characters to a not very bright child. I suppose it's an appropriate precedent, given how the "fleshed out" characterizations go in the novel.

"Maestro"

As suggested by Boundless' cover art, there's a lot of Jarlaxle in the book. Sadly, this manifests as a sort of butchering of Jarlaxle's capability and characterization in both the past and present timelines of the novel. Overall, Jarlaxle is very flat-footed, constantly doing the proverbial rocking back on his heels and falling on his butt. A character rocking back on their heels is one of Salvatore's favorite descriptors, and while, ironically, that phrase doesn't appear in Boundless, Salvatore does an excellent job of showing that Jarlaxle does it a great deal. This would be great in terms of showing instead of telling, except that, unfortunately, it happens when Jarlaxle's supposed to be doing something clever or there's some great revelation that manages to escape his masterfully strategic mind. I'd often joked that Salvatore isn't smart enough to write a character who's supposed to be as smart as Jarlaxle is, and this is very much evident in Boundless, except there's nothing funny about it. It's really just disappointing to see a character who is actually a nonconformist dragged down and forced to conform to Drizzt. Jarlaxle is also becoming more like Drizzt in the sense that he acts very differently from how he's supposed to be, all while we are being told over and over how he is truly, for real, pinky swear that certain way. In Drizzt's case, it is a judgmental, sanctimonious, pretentious, self-aggrandizing and presumptuous twat hailed to be the shining hero of goodness and virtue. And now, sadly, in Jarlaxle's case, a dopey, shortsighted, reckless, inattentive and not very bright clown wrapped in the cloak of one whose flair is matched only by his genius.

As he is presented in Boundless, Jarlaxle would've been wholly consumed by the perils of Menzoberranzan almost immediately. The Jarlaxle in the past timeline should be closer to how he was in the Legacy of the Drow trilogy, but he's been tempered to beyond how he is in The Sellswords trilogy. He's even more tame than how he appears in Waterdeep: Dragon Heist, where he features as a genteel, at worst mischievous, sort of villain. Jarlaxle has become closer to Drizzt than even Zaknafein, with Zaknafein being more brutal. The Jarlaxle of the past is nearly identical to the Jarlaxle of the present, as though he were transcribed across the hundreds of years. I don't understand the reason that Salvatore did this. The current version of Jarlaxle is unpalatable enough, with all of the "intrigue" and the being for himself stance as nothing but empty posturing. It makes no sense that Jarlaxle would be that way in the past, for supposedly, experiencing the personality-altering phenomenon that is Drizzt Do'Urden hadn't even happened then.

That said, let's look at some details. First, Boundless introduces an activity that Jarlaxle and Zaknafein enjoyed together, "cavern jumping", which is what we call free running or parkour in our world. They first partake of this activity in a super inspired and uniquely-named chapter entitled "Running Free". I was sarcastic just now, but I'm absolutely not sarcastic when I say this: parkour is dangerous. Even in our world, experienced traceurs can and do get hurt, and they don't normally run in an environment where many individuals stand to benefit if a fatal accident befalls them. Despite Jarlaxle saying that the risk is what makes the activity fun, this seems like a weak justification injected by a paranoid narrator who's aware that they're recounting a very unlikely event. For, the reality is, it's already dangerous that Jarlaxle and Zaknafein perform risky acrobatic maneuvers in one of the deadliest cities of Faerûn, they're doing it without any of their magical equipment. The very fact that Jarlaxle engages in this activity is reckless, and what makes it even more unlikely is the lack of assurances that are put in place to minimize potential "accidents". Zaknafein and Jarlaxle's cavern-jumping escapades aren't at all like when they pillaged Barrison Del'Armgo's armory. Although both are adrenaline-seeking activities, the latter was a controlled simulation that Jarlaxle had engineered and pulled strings to achieve. Jarlaxle might be a daredevil and an excitement-seeker, but he's not stupid, and he's supposed to be prudent, else everything that he's worked for would be for naught. He takes risks but we've been told that they're calculated ones, ones in which he's already figured out and examined every possible outcome. There's nothing calculated about cavern-jumping, and the only aspect that's even approaching consistent is their route. Even then, "consistent" can hardly be applied, for the two are constantly one-upping each other, pushing one another to quicker paces and more daring maneuvers. There aren't even Bregan D'aerthe scouts watching every turn, keeping an eye out for any parties of ill intention that might target the two high profile male drow. Heck, Jarlaxle isn't even aware of who's watching them, and he should both know and care, especially since Zaknafein is big enough of a target that many individuals wouldn't care about implicating Jarlaxle while attempting to "cavern-jump" Zaknafein. In fact, we even see in the same chapter one such interested party, and given that so much of the book is about people wanting to kill Zaknafein, I feel like the whole free running thing was just an excuse for Salvatore to show off his action scenes, except that there isn't anything to show off there. Simply showing off to this degree puts both of them at a disadvantage given how cutthroat and scheme-based drow society is supposed to be. Shouldn't Jarlaxle be worried about illustrating how flexible and agile he is, and doesn't Zaknafein want opponents to underestimate him?

Far from being circumspect, Jarlaxle doesn't seem to think at all. Even obvious things that would've occurred to a novice strategist escapes the one indirectly dubbed as "maestro". Following the fight between Zaknafein and Duvon Tr'arach, a holder of a century-long grudge against the weapons master who destroyed his house and humiliated him in combat, Jarlaxle is surprised to find that the drow whom he thought were ambushers were actually reinforcements brought by Zaknafein. This is not evocative of a streetwise genius maestro super spy. Of course Zaknafein would bring back-up, he knows the way of his society and knows how many want him dead. It would have been more reasonable for Jarlaxle to be surprised if Zaknafein hadn't brought anyone from his house with him. Salvatore has Jarlaxle thinking Zaknafein clever, but what should've happened is that Jarlaxle should have known about Zaknafein's backup in the first place, and have had agents monitoring them the whole time instead of embarrassing himself with his lack of foresight. Even better would have been if he feigned being surprised and impressed while we see Jarlaxle's agents melt back into the shadows without them alerting Zaknafein's assistants.

Jarlaxle being blindsided by the relationship between Zaknafein and Dab'nay, while more reasonable than the previous example, nonetheless doesn't belong to the same drow who, during the Crenshinibon era, knew immediately that his two lieutenants were conspiring together against him. It's true that Jarlaxle is younger and less experienced during the flashback scenes of Boundless, but there's already a rapport between him and the members of his band, a trust that would not have built up solely based on individuals sharing the same plight. Jarlaxle's followers are fiercely loyal to him, and not solely because of his charisma. Jarlaxle shows these second-class citizens of his society something they've never known before, that someone is interested in who they are. He wins their favor because all they've known previously is that their worth is measured by their bloodline, their aptitude in combat and their aptitude in the bedroom. Even if Jarlaxle's intellect wasn't enough to allow him to foresee Dab'nay and Zaknafein hooking up as a possibility, his personal knowledge of Dab'nay should've suggested the probability to him. There's another poor characterization in that if Zaknafein's hatred of priestesses was as absolute and blinding as we've been told that it is, the only dagger he'd have plunged into Dab'nay wouldn't have been the one that's permanently attached to him. However, the relationship between Dab'nay and Zaknafein being what it's forced to be, surely, Jarlaxle would've known Zaknafein well enough to at least suspect the possibility.

Although Jarlaxle is only literally stated to have "for once, seemed at a loss for words", his demonstrated lack of cleverness fails to back this up. Even in the scenario in which that is explicitly written, it's uncharacteristic of Jarlaxle to not know what to say. The passage reads:

So, from this we are to believe that the genius Jarlaxle can't produce an answer to that simple statement, when even I can think of a number of things to say on the fly: that Jarlaxle's not just any drow, that there are varying levels of trust that should be adjusted based on the circumstance, that there's such a thing as "trust but verify", that, fundamentally, the drow word for "trust" isn't as black and white as what Zaknafein is demanding. Jarlaxle's int score is a staggering 20, and he should easily come up with everything I've come up with just now and many many more answers that I can't even begin to think of with my far less staggering intellect. Things like these are just downright embarrassingly inept portrayals of Jarlaxle's alleged brilliance.

In the current timeline, Jarlaxle is even more dull, which I suppose is appropriate given the nerfing of who he was in the past. In addition to being just as flat-footed and shortsighted as his past incarnation in Boundless, Jarlaxle draws some really inaccurate conclusions. For instance, "Jarlaxle knew, of course, that Bruenor was more friend to Drizzt than Zaknafein had ever been, and indeed, more father to Drizzt than Zaknafein had ever been." Really? He knows, of course and indeed, this totally untrue assessment, does he? The first might be true, for Zaknafein wasn't present in Drizzt's life for nearly as much as Bruenor was, and even while he was there, the interactions between him and his son was restricted. But when did Bruenor risk his life on numerous occasions to simply ensure that Drizzt's moral compass and free will were not tainted? When did Bruenor sacrifice himself so that Drizzt might live? Bruenor was never even in a position to entreaty an assailant to take him instead of Drizzt. Perhaps if Salvatore defines father figures as aloof and distant presences in one's life who give tough love but never direct validation, then certainly Bruenor has been more of a father to Drizzt than Zaknafein was. However, the reality is that Bruenor never protected Drizzt the way that Zaknafein did and never guided Drizzt the way Zaknafein did. The only way that it would make sense for that assessment to belong to Jarlaxle is if Jarlaxle's own understanding of parent and child relationships is so incomplete that he doesn't know better, or if he's as stupid as he is shown to be in Boundless. The first possibility is most likely true from a personal angle for Jarlaxle, but Jarlaxle has lived long enough on the surface, mingling with enough surface folk to know, especially with what should be his level of perceptiveness, what it means to be a good father. He would need to have a good understanding of those kinds of dynamics, because they contain weaknesses that can be exploited. So, really, the only thing that would make all of this consistent is the latter possibility, which sadly, is where everything is trending anyway.

I'm not very emotionally invested in Jarlaxle, though I prefer him to most of the rest of the somewhat bland characters we see in Boundless. So when this many things make someone like me unhappy about Jarlaxle's characterization, I'd hate to see what someone who feels towards him like I feel towards Artemis Entreri will take away from Boundless. I'm sure that I'm missing a lot of irksome things, but the ones that I've pointed out are what stood out to me, and I'll end the discussion of Jarlaxle with one final example. In both Timeless and Boundless, Jarlaxle has this strange and decidedly non-Menzoberranzanyr perspective regarding "married couples" of drow. The usage of "husband" and "wife" in these books is extremely weird, because as we know from all D&D and Forgotten Realms source material, including Salvatore's own books, that there is no formality in Lolthite drow relationships. Females take males at their pleasure, abandoning them as whimsically as they pick them up, and being a Patron of a house means nothing. What's even more strange is that Zaknafein isn't even the Patron of House Do'Urden, Rizzen still holds that title while Zaknafein and Malice are sexually active together, yet since Timeless, Zaknafein has been referred to as Malice's husband. Furthermore, while, as far as we know, Jarlaxle has never slept with the partners of people that he likes, it was always more of a strategic decision rather than a moral one. For instance, he found Calihye and Dahlia unstable, thus not cuckolding Entreri and Drizzt, and the closest he'd come to showing interest to a "taken" partner was with Catti-brie, but even then, morals aren't what prevent him from pursuing her. Yet, steeped in the degenerate society of Menzoberranzan, Jarlaxle prefers not to have sexual contact with Malice because Zaknafein is his friend. Where did this belief come from? It certainly doesn't exist in drow culture, males are sex objects for the females, perhaps sometimes rising to the rank of favored toy, nothing more. In a society like that, the toy doesn't have delusions of possession. Jarlaxle is one of the few, if not only, male drow in Menzoberranzan who even has a choice, who can even say no to a female without being killed horribly. I get that Salvatore is trying to show that Jarlaxle is honorable towards his friendship with Zaknafein, but he doesn't have to break the character in addition to his own world-building, as well as that of other creatives', to do so. There are so many ways to do it, but I suppose those are less obvious and require more thinking.

Lieutenant

The poor characterizations extend beyond what's done to Jarlaxle. The number of times that an inconsistency arises between what a character is supposed to be/know and how they perceive things or act is staggering. In the past, there is Arathis Hune, Jarlaxle's first and only lieutenant for a long time, and presumably, one of his most trusted friends. Arathis and Jarlaxle should understand each other quite well, so the fact that Arathis didn't foresee that Jarlaxle would assist Zaknafein during Zaknafein's rigged duel with Duvon Tr'arach is unlikely. Arathis might've had an ace in the form of psionic assistance in swaying the match, but unless he is a total fool, he wouldn't think that Jarlaxle wasn't aware of his dalliances, especially with potential allies as powerful as Oblodrans. Furthermore, Jarlaxle's fondness of Zaknafein is enough of a thorn in Arathis' side that Arathis would've certainly anticipated Jarlaxle intervening on behalf of Zaknafein, even if Arathis didn't specifically guess that Jarlaxle would do so by means of lending Zaknafein his eyepatch. Even if Jarlaxle had never explicitly told Arathis about the functionality of his eyepatch, Arathis, who would've certainly witnessed Jarlaxle constantly escaping the various mind-manipulating magics of the priestesses of Lolth, should've been able to deduce that Jarlaxle has a magical item that protects him against such intrusions. Arathis might not be a master genius like Jarlaxle, but he is a drow, who are supposed to be masters of intrigue in their own right as being able to survive in Menzoberranzan requires such of them. Moreover, he is a capable enough drow that Jarlaxle chose him to be at his side, rather than tending the bar at the Oozing Myconid. Yet, Arathis doesn't foresee any of what he should've known immediately, nor did he have a backup plan, which to a drow is something that one possesses as certainly as keen eyesight.

Barbarian

In the present timeline, Wulfgar suffers from the same treatment given Arathis, which is really saying something since Wulfgar's characterization has been all over the place even before his rebirth. Nonetheless, two things that Wulfgar is supposed to be, are one, a good guy if not a hero, and two, not dumb, if not intelligent. Yet, Wulfgar's portrayal in Boundless shows him as possessing none of these positive traits. For the first trait, it wouldn't be the first time that a member of the Companions of the Hall thought or performed something dishonorable. In Hero, this manifests as Regis and Wulfgar literally kicking people who were already down. In Boundless, Wulfgar is surprisingly nonchalant about the possibility of Kimmuriel committing casual murder, even hoping for it:

The only thing that Calico Grimm is guilty of, that we're shown anyway, is being boisterous and foolish, which is hardly grounds deserving of death, unless it was early Artemis Entreri doing the adjudication. But this isn't early Artemis Entreri, or even current Artemis Entreri harboring such thoughts, it's Wulfgar, a returned hero. Calico Grimm might be obnoxious, but he's still a comrade in arms whose ship Wulfgar boarded. Even if it were the case that Calico Grimm is actually a pirate, one of the ne'er-do-wells that gives Luskan its shady reputation, it doesn't change the fact that they are on the same side. After all, the Companions of the Hall are supposed to stand for noble self sacrificing values like not randomly murdering people that are even temporarily on the same side as them.

Not only is Wulfgar's moral compass unaligned with how it's supposed to be, apparently, the damage that he'd done to his brain during his The Spine of the World alcoholism managed to stay with him through the reincarnation. That, or Drizzt and his supposedly tight-knit group of friends aren't as close as they're made out to be. During Wulfgar's duel with the demon-possessed captain of the fleet besieging Luskan, Kimmuriel imbues Wulfgar with a psionic shield that absorbs all damage and releases it all at once at the absorber's will. It's the same mechanic that's been used countless times in the past, including but not limited to saving newborn Jarlaxle from Matron Baenre's sacrificial dagger, preventing Calihye's blade from piercing an otherwise defenseless Entreri's heart, and, of course, allowing Drizzt to strike down Demogorgon with one hit. That last scenario is pretty monumental, and the kind of thing that Drizzt would've told his friends every detail of, for even if he didn't volunteer, surely they and others would've pried and pried about how he defeated Demogorgon. Yet, Wulfgar has no idea what's happening when his opponent's blows fail to scratch him. It's just mind-boggling that he doesn't make the connection, especially since psionicists are rare enough already in the Realms, even more so in Salvatore's corner of the Realms; Kimmuriel is literally the only psionicist that the Companions of the Hall know. Wulfgar's failure to put one and one together really leads me to wonder if the whole purpose of making him so obtuse is to perform yet more tedious review and Drizzt-flattering.

"Hero"

Most painful to me, of course, is Artemis Entreri, who only appears a bit more in Boundless than he does in Timeless, but what's done to him in Boundless is pretty bad. Entreri's characterization kicks off on the wrong foot from his entry in the Dramatis Personae section, which reads:

For the umpteenth time, Entreri would not have a concept of "friend", especially how it is presented in the Drizzt books. It's an oversimplification and kills the nuance of a character who would still have significant psychological scars and trust issues, even if he were truly and completely over his childhood traumas, which in itself is highly unlikely. I can forgive this bad summary of Entreri, but I can't overlook how, quite frankly, melodramatic, he's presented to be in Boundless. While the assassin seems to talk the talk, calling Regis a fool and ridiculing him for his naiveté, he definitely no longer walks the walk. The aura of intimidation that's so integral to his character no longer feels present. Entreri is quick to reassure Regis about the safety of Donnola, something that even his tempered down self seems unlikely to do. Regis and Entreri have history, and not all or even most of it was pleasant. It's as though Salvatore forgot that Regis found a helpless and broken Entreri dangling precariously from a branch, and rather than finishing him off quickly as would be the honorable thing to do, Regis stole Entreri's most prized possession, then cut him loose so that his final moments would be spent in fear and helplessness. One as fiercely protective of his own free will as is Entreri would not forget that so easily, and even if he doesn't actively hate the Companions of the Hall anymore, just as it makes sense that Regis is uncomfortable about the stub of his pinky that Entreri had inflicted on him in his previous life, Entreri should've let the little rat squirm before perhaps mentioning off the cuff that all the citizens of Bleeding Vines survived.

The worst thing done to Entreri in Boundless, however, is worse than the physical trials and travails that befall him. Given that the situation that ensnares him is that he's trapped in an unbreakable cocoon being stung on every mentionable (and unmentionable) part of his body by vicious demonic wasps, more and more I feel that it'd be best for Entreri if Salvatore just killed him off before ruining him more. While Entreri's plight is pretty dire, still, it doesn't seem like enough for him to launch into Drizzt journal entries' level of melodrama. Entreri has high levels of pain tolerance, as we've seen countless times in the past with him losing none of his agility or fighting prowess even after taking a blade through the ribs. Furthermore, the amount of psychological punishment he's endured far outweighs what he's gone through physically, such that he shouldn't resort to wishing for death right away, or cursing everyone, including himself, so quickly. I can maybe accept that he'd do so after a couple of tendays, but we only see him in the cocoon for a few days during Boundless. Furthermore, the impression given by how the pain is described in Boundless is significantly less than the pain that Herzgo Alegni inflicted upon Entreri by striking a tuning fork against Charon's Claw. It's more likely that someone of Entreri's discipline and willpower would've found some way to put his mind above the constant pain to focus on figuring out how to get out, if not simply detaching himself from the sensation. Instead, right from the get-go, the first soliloquy we see from him in the cocoon is:

In addition to being too weak, Entreri's portrayed as being too dependent. As a person who's lived twice as long as he should have and endured much more than his fair share of torment, one who is used to depending on no one save for himself, how quickly Entreri cries out for Dahlia, how quickly he wishes for death to be spared the pain, just doesn't fit. Instead it simply completes Salvatore's neutering process, now not only is Entreri a good guy, but he is no longer even a disciplined warrior. Salvatore's handling of Artemis Entreri is akin to what I'd said about Salvatore being not intelligent enough to write someone as brilliant as Jarlaxle. It's clear that Salvatore doesn't have enough understanding of trauma and physical pain thresholds to do justice to Entreri.

Mother

Another poor characterization in Boundless has to do with Dahlia, who seems to have completely forgotten about Effron. Effron doesn't make an appearance, or is even so much as mentioned, despite some portion of the novel dedicated to the Hosttower of the Arcane, where he currently resides. While I can buy that Effron isn't significant enough for Gromph to even think of him when declaring the position the Hosttower will take, he is, or at least should be, important enough to Dahlia for her to at least think of him. The relationship between Dahlia and Effron might have started off at a badly, but throughout the entirety of the Neverwinter Saga, Dahlia is tormented by guilt over her son. Seeing what she believed to be the remains of Effron broke Dahlia's mind and will, causing the normally fiery and irrepressible elf to docilely accept being dragged away for further torture. Seeing that Effron was safe and being reunited him would've granted Dahlia closure, but closure doesn't mean that she wouldn't want to see him and be near him. We've seen that Dahlia tends to be very clingy to those she cares about, so it seems unlikely that she'd accept living in a different city from Effron. Given what Dahlia's like, she should be torn between her love for Entreri and her love for Effron, especially as the two male characters don't much care for each other and most certainly wouldn't want to live together, which Dahlia would likely prefer so that she can be close to both. It should be a cause for tension, not Dahlia simply following Entreri around like a pet, not that Entreri would've allowed that anyway. For all of his dislike of Effron and his brusqueness with the general populace, Entreri has shown himself to be extremely devoted to the women that he's loved. Just as he looked for Calihye after she tried to kill him and accepted her back into his life years later, Entreri would've made certain that Dahlia wouldn't be miserable choosing him over her son.

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wcreaf · 6 years

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Hey, I noticed you said NewMutantFan has harassed people in other fandoms; not just Kigo shippers in the KP fandom. Could you please list some of the others? I would love to make post about this guy so everyone can be aware of everything he does.

I can, though I can’t remember most of them so I’ll wade into his twitter to see what I can see.

Oh boy.

OK so tl;dr version, his big hate-on is for Kigo and that’s where most of his energy lies, but there’s others. He gets into fights over Runaways (shipping Nico and Alex and hating on the Nico/Karolina shippers and hating the fact that that ship is canon), many teen Marvel ships in fact (hating Kamala Kahn/Miles Morales, Viv Vision being a lesbian, Kitty Pryde being queer, probably many others), Scooby Doo (saw him hating on Shaggy/Daphne), Avatar Last Airbender (hating on Zutara), How to Train Your Dragon, iCarly, Gravity Falls (he’s just started watching it and ships Dipper/Wendy, which is deeply ironic given Dipper’s a pre-teen and she’s a teenager, something called out in the show even), Penn Zero Part Time Hero, Loud House, Milo Murphy’s Law, Phil of the Future, Big Hero 6 (because the KP creators are making it), and he might not be into She-Ra but he’s certainly on tumblr complaining fans are comparing ships with Kigo.

He’s also started calling fans he hates Nazis and wanting them to die in concentration camps. And he’s a defender of Bryan Singer, for more deeply ironicness. I’ve got screenshots of his twitter below (from his main and main alt) if anyone wants to see proof of his shit.

First off I didn’t have to look very deep for this stuff, here’s what the timeline looks like on his alt:

Here’s some Runaways posts:

Him arguing that Viv Vision isn’t a lesbian:

Denouncing Kitty being queer and someone just sick of his harassment:

Kamala and Miles in a rather disturbing set of tweets:

How to Train Your Dragon:

iCarly:

Scooby Doo:

Avatar:

Gravity Falls:

Now the “fun” stuff, him continuously lying about someone (a lie I’ve seen a few times, never showing any proof of this lie of course):

The Bryan Singer posts, and I was only going to do one then I scrolled down and just saw him endlessly posting about it. These are only a fraction of his posts on this:

The nazi posts:

This “lovely” convo where he wants someone to be homeless and killed because they ship something he doesn’t:

I just love the end of that one because he starts with “there’s no proof I’ve libelled her” then immediately calls her a “pedo Nazi” like come one dude. I’d say be a little self aware, but that’s clearly not possible.

And finally, to end this on a funny note, he’s him posting about how he respects creators and only ships canon pairings. Unless they’re a pairing he disagrees with it seems:

#long image heavy post #anon ask #kigo #stalker #And again I didn't have to look hard for these posts #I'm surprised he's got any followers with his constant hate mongering

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glassrain · 5 years

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Thirteenth Doctor, Eomer, Anakin Skywalker, Ron Weasley, Natasha Romanoff, Prince Caspian for the character asks? :)

The Thirteenth Doctor:

I actually stopped watching Doctor Who afterClara died for a number of reasons. I just felt the quality wasdipping and while I still enjoyed watching DW, I knew I’d beletting go soon, and so Clara’s death seemed like a pretty goodcut-off point (also, I’d been pretty busy and life started gettingin the way of my TV time). So I’ve never actually watched any of13′s run. But, from what I’ve seen in gifs, trailers and posts,she seems to be doing a good job! She seems funny without losing theability to get deep or emotional, and looks like she’s bringing alot of energy to the show. I like what I’ve seen of her!

Eomer:

How could anyone not like Eomer? He’s all fiery passion andconviction, but still got this quiet sort of strength. He might notbe a super prevalent character, but I think he’s great - and I lovehis relationship with Eowin!

Anakin Skywalker:

Not a huge fan of Anakin, I’ve got to admit, though I don’tdetest him the way some Star Wars fans do. I thinkthat the way he was written in the prequels didn’t do justice toDarth Vader, made him somewhat two-dementional and unsympathetic, anddidn’t add any extra weight to the original trilogy. The prequelsdidn’t focus very heavily on his relationship with Obi Wan, whichthey should have, since that’s the hinge on which all of episode IV turns when you get right down to it. I alsothink his relationship with Padme could have been the stuff oflegends, but instead was something of a let-down. All that beingsaid, I don’t hate the character (or the prequels), and I do derivequite a bit of pleasure from certain aspects of Anakin (”I don’tlike sand” anyone?), so I won’t complain too loudly.

Ron Weasley:

This one’s a bit unusual, because (believe itor not) I’ve never actually watched/read Harry Potter,primarily because my mom vehemently dislikes the franchise. She’sgiven me very reluctant permission to read and watch HarryPotter, but I know it makes her uncomfortable, so I’ve chosennot to get actively read/watch them until I move out of the house. Thatbeing said, I know everything that happens and have kind of beensucked into the fandom a bit - I’ve read tons of analyses and theories, andsnippets from the books here and there, and even dabbled in a littlebit of fanfiction - so I feel very familiar with the characters. AndI love Ron! I think he’s actually a very layered and complicated character who gets brushed under a very generic rug simply because of his loud and blunt personality. I think he’s strong and sensitive, and smarter than people give him credit for, and desperately trying to find his own niche and identity, while the fandom just stick the “Harry Potter’s Friend” label on him (ironically). This blogger unabashedly stans Ron Weasley.

Natasha Romanov:

I wouldn’t die for her, but I really do enjoy Natasha! I think she’s a very layered and conflicted character, who stands fiercely and unwaveringly for who/what she believes in. But even more than that, I think she’s also got a certain gentleness to her, a soft and vulnerably human side to her that she only dares show to a very small handful of people, and I really do love that aspect of her character, even more than her ability to dismantle a room full of mercenaries without breaking a sweat. Unfortunately, I think the franchise has a bit of a tendency to shy away from really delving into that side of her (understandably, since the movies are often juggling 5 different plotlines, and delving into that messier side of her while still maintaining her fighting exterior would be both tricky and time-consuming) but that doesn’t change my fondness for this character.

Prince Caspian:

Prince Caspian is a pretty different character in the movies than he is in the books - regardless, I like them both to relatively comparable degrees, though for different reasons. Book Caspian is just … so chill and clueless. What - my uncle is trying to kill me? What - Narnians exist? What - talking badgers? What - I’m the new king of a mythical race? …. Okay, sure. No use moaning about it, I suppose. This kid is almost more British than the Pevensies. Movie Caspian is shy and uncertain, and slowly learns and discovers his own self worth, he is brave yet kind and humble, and I really like him. Plus, Ben Barns’s accent was delightful!

#timelordoftherings #aaron #thanks for the ask!#this was fun #if a bit longer than it was actually meant to be #oops #but still - thank you!

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thesecretlifeoflee · 3 years

Text

i think i actually want to spend time with him. i know, its wrong and i shouldn’t. if i had told him this, he’ll reiterate that were not in a relationship. i don’t understand. he calls me just to talk to me. he even said that last night when we were on the phone. i asked him if he was busy and he called me asking me what i was doing that night, how i was free the next day (saturday) and what i was doing. i told him i wasn’t doing anything but i was trying to do something. i was trying to do something, with him specifically. he asked me what i was doing i said i was bored and wasn’t doing anything, why do you think im trying to hang out with you? he didn’t like that. his voice had changed and he replies, “i don’t like that, don’t hit me up just because you’re bored.” i tried to recover and say that i meant im bored because im not with him but he wasn’t having it. it was true, i was bored because i didn’t want to do anything besides him. he followed by saying, i don’t call you when im bored. i expressed to him that i thought that was a lie, he said no i call you because i want to talk to you. i had nothing to answer to that with. he had changed the subject pretty quickly following that. he confuses me and i don’t understand why. he’s the one who is married and who has a baby with his wife. im single, why is he messing with my head. i had even said to him how he likes to pretend he is this blunt person but he actually isn’t, i notice everything and i notice how he contradicts himself. he had asked me how and i had explained to him how he asks me a question but its very obvious how he wants a specific response from me, and he repeats the question after every answer because its not what he wants to hear. “why don’t you just ask that specific question to get that specific answer you want to hear from me?”. i don’t think he had an answer to that. he had said at some point how i am annoying, and of course, being called annoying is never nice. i questioned if that was a good annoying or a bad one and he followed by saying he’s not going to specify and that annoying is annoying there doesn’t need to be sub categories for it. i said there is because there’s always sub categories for adjectives since adjectives are pretty subjective. he had said something like how i want a lot of kisses or something like how i kiss him a lot. this made me audibly laugh. this was fucking funny to me.

when we had gotten to the hotel, he had been sitting on the chair that was staged by the window while on the phone with someone. i sat on the edge of the bed, one ankle under the opposite knee. facing him, watching him talk on the phone. he isn’t ugly, he isn’t sexy either. he’s just Tony. i like tony, he’s just him. he’s his own subsection on my personal attractive scale. i like that, he doesn’t need to be anything to me or with me. he walks up to me while on the phone, hangs up with whomever as he gets a few feet away. im staring at him the whole time, waiting. he gets only inches, no, centimeters from my face. “can i have a kiss?” he’s holding my face when he asks this. all he has to do is move the smallest amount and our lips would be touching. the consent he’s asking for first is stopping him. he wants to see how far im gonna go for him. to him, its metaphorical, the few centimeters away means more than him. to him, it means im down for whatever . i meet him the rest of the way, show him that im with anything. im meeting him halfway in more ways than one. i just barely touch our lips together, he pushes closer to me and i pull back. i open my eyes to look at his reaction and can’t help but smile at him. an innocent smile. but it seems to hit him somewhere internally. he laces his fingers in my hair and pulls me back and kisses me. softly, only ever softly. he’s got nice lips. so soft and plump. i like kissing him. a lot. he’s never aggressive, its like his trying to remember, maybe, like he’s trying to tease me. im not sure, perhaps im not thinking clearly. he’s always asking me for a kiss. we had been laying down and he pushed his cheek toward me, he had wanted me to kiss him. i kissed his cheek like he has done with me more than once. he calls me cute and calls me just to talk. perhaps, he likes the attention from a twenty-one year old. perhaps, he likes the physical relationship alongside the fluff we give each other after the sex. i don’t think ill ever know, he isn’t the type that’ll tell me. at least, not any time soon.

its rather ironic how he says im the one who does this or does that but he started doing that. he made it relatively normal between us first. he started to kiss all over my face and call me cute. he called me beautiful once. he kissed me all over. even on the top of my head. he did that first. im not used to that, i didn’t pull back but i had an internal conversation on what the hell was going on. the only person to kiss me on top of my head is my grandfather. it was inappropriate given our situation. maybe if he wasn’t married i would’ve still been interested, though, that was my initial attraction. but knowing what i know now, if i had knew that then, i would’ve fucked. he does have a way. i approached him with the option of sex, he didn’t approach me. i liked that. he wasnt creepy which is kind of strange considering most men his age are. i approached him and he was taking me as a joke. now look where we are. “too comfortable” as he likes to say. he’s the one that likes to interlock our hands while he’s driving, massaging my palm, kissing my knuckles. acting very domesticated. this must be a game for him, this forty-nine year old man, kissing and playing with my, a twenty-one year old- hand. what is he getting at? maybe he wants me to fall for him so he can break me.

ive always wished for a big heartbreak, one that rocks me to my core. maybe this’ll be that heartbreak for me.

he called me asking if i was busy and if he could come get me. he had caught me at a bad time, i was smoking weed, and on my period. i told him i don’t think he wants to since im bleeding and he seemed to get offended, saying he doesn’t care and he still wants to hang. i replied with a maybe. you know i didn’t think he wanted to hang with me outside of sex involved. i think he likes me. he asked me when my birthday was, “nineteenth of october” i replied. “i want to take you out for your birthday….if that’s okay with you?” it took me a moment to respond, obviously i said it was fine. i want him to spoil me. he wants to as well. while we were on the phone, he went on to say how he has a spot downtown, with a pool, how he wants to get some dinner. he just wants to see me. i was excruciatingly high and couldn’t hold a conversation, i really wanted to go. i want to see Tony, he’s so much fun. i wanted to go so bad. he wanted me to go so bad. i couldn’t, if i did i would’ve embarrassed myself with him. he would’ve hated me by the end of the night. id rather go with him when i can function properly.

i think i figured out what he wants me to say. every question he asks me needs a specific answer. he wants a praise. he wants to hear how i want him more than my ex. more than those strange men i interact with on a daily that so obviously want to see me naked. i will tell him. now that i know what he was looking for ill tell him. not because i know it’ll please him, because i want to. “i like being sweet to women… i like when women are sweet to me” that’s been ringing in my head all night and into this morning. i realized he doesn’t just want sex, he wants that emotional connection too. i keep thinking men are all the same, and when he says something he actually means something else. which he does, but he actually wants to connect with me. that’s where i was wrong about him. he says this is just sex, which technically it is. he said he doesn’t want to know me, he could care less. actions. the action say something different. calling me just to talk, asking me to hang out and get dinner. what do i have to offer that his wife is lacking? something he is craving? my head had been whirling when he asked me to get dinner and go with him. he wanted me to come out with him, that was a given. it physically hurt me to say no to him. i wanted to say yes. my brain had the answer swirling my head. it was all i could see. “yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, a thousand times yes.”

if he had called me ten minutes prior, the answer would have been yes. i want to be spoiled by him. I’ve met my match in bed. sometimes he says something cringe but i guess that’s all men. he was talking about n.l;.one of those women on the street would be staring at him if he hadn’t had the money for that car. he kept talking about what he has, the money, the nice car. why is he fucking with a broke twenty-one girl? what is it about me. maybe i should ask but i feel like that’s weird and very ‘pick-me’. i should’ve just said yes to him last night and just asked him to get me adderall.. or maybe some coke would’ve sufficed. something to pick me up and make me more human. bring me down to earth. i want him to want me, more than what he does now. i sound stupid considering the circumstances. i feel like I’m repeating myself. perhaps i am.

I’m thinking of going back to school. maybe he can pay my rent for me. he did ask randomly how much my rent was. while we were driving, off-topic, “oh yeah, I’ve been meaning to ask, how much is your rent at your new place?” while we were driving to the hotel that we had for the night. he likes me, that’s for sure. in some way, maybe i like him too. as bad as that sounds. i do, like I’ve stated before, he makes it very easy. especially, now that he wants to hang out with me, just to hang out. with me. by ourselves. getting dinner, going back to his place in the city. this is all crazy to me.

being with him this afternoon, honestly, didn’t make me feel that great. perhaps it was the circumstances or the playful tone we had with each other or maybe it was other pressing issues i was having internally. perhaps it was the fact i had just gotten off work. i didn’t feel as good as i wanted. i didn’t get to cum once. i let him finish, inside of me to be exact. its not like he isn’t good it just felt like it wasn’t his all. maybe it was the fact we were in an airbnb. whatever. im over it. im tired and annoyed to be honest. i don’t even feel like showering all the dirt and grime off of me. i don’t feel like showering the smell of Tony off of me.

we had been walking to the airbnb, he offered me some kind of job. he wasn’t descriptive or very forward with what type of job it was, but he said he’d have ‘a reason to give me money’. i wonder what that means. i asked if he was trying to be a sugar daddy but without the title. in the moment, i hadn’t fully comprehended what he meant. he was offering me a job. an “off the books” type of job. he asked about my situation and i had been truthful. his rebuttal had been to pause that conversation and continuing another time. he wants me to do something very illegal. it doesn’t bother me. at least he’d have ‘a reason to give me money’, as he put it. im conflicted internally at the moment. im not quiet sure of what yet, but i can feel it. the feeling in my stomach when i look at him before we fuck. i don’t think its a good feeling either. he may not get attached. but something else that’s bad will happen. i don’t know what yet. maybe it’ll just be personal/mentally and not necessarily with Tony. i don’t know but i didn’t enjoy myself today. maybe its getting old.

maybe im pulling a self sabotage, but i don’t think ill see him anymore or at least not as much. he seems so manipulative. every move of his is calculated and well thought out. i can tell and with the stuff he says, he tells on himself. i knew i wasnt gonna see him again last night. he tried to make it seem like my idea that i was gonna stay home. without the rose colored glasses, these flags are blood red and are waiving high. i keep thinking he’s using me for his nighttime tony business, whatever that may be exactly. maybe i would for extra money. id have to hear the extent of the job he wants me to do. i don’t know if im gonna sleep with him again, maybe miss a few of his his calls. he kept saying that there’s no connect between us, no connection, i had made a joke saying say this our connection, a very great one at that. he didn’t seem amused. why does there need to be a connection? you’re fucking married and have a whole kid. im young and dumb and having so much fun. or i was, at least up until yesterday. i knew it was just sex but it made me feel really dirty taking an uber home. immediately after. is that my issue? that it wasn’t like last time? its probably all these factors morphed into this big ball of frustration. if im genuinely just feeling off from this whole thing. he talks about his wife but this time it had made me feel weird. i had said something and he had just looked at me and never responded. fuck, i can’t even remember what i said. the context to the conversation was him taking about how they don’t sleep together, great, a marriage that’s fucked is being fucked up more and more by one woman at a time. right now, im one of those woman, like I’ve stated in the past, definitely not the last one either. am i growing a conscious for this woman? before it had been different because she was just some side character or an NPC in my storyline, but the more he talks about her and lets me see into who she is as a person, adds to the newly sprung guilt, or no, not guilt, but its definitely not a good feeling. maybe, he’s sleeping with me to get me into nighttime tony’s business he has. every time we sleep together, or have slept together, he has drank. maybe he has to to be able to fuck me. but then why does he stare so much?

why must there be a connection? he sounded almost offended that i said there didn’t need to be. i wish he’d like me to be honest. I’ve only been with him three times now. why do i want him to respond? why do i want to talk to him and just hang out with me? we don’t even have any common ground. he deletes my message thread and my feelings get hurt. lying down, i remember what i said to him. we had been taking about how his wife has his location and he doesn’t want to be in a suspicious place cause then shell know. i had made the comment of “it sounds like youre being abused”. he had looked at me and stayed silent and opened the car door and hopped out. i followed, and in my head so many questions had been whirling within. ranging from ‘why the fuck did i just say that?’ to ‘i wonder if that is a type of situation of which had actually happened?’. the walk to the room had been quiet, i wasnt sure if it was because of my comment or what, but the way he had looked at me was burned into my brain. that look he had… i don’t even know what to say it was. i don’t know. it scared me. i think i was kind of chuckling because my comment meant no harm, it was supposed to be a bad joke so i had probably been smiling. he had the face of not being amused. thinking on it now, that was probably the first strike within myself. the look that he had that was definitely directed to me was not of lightheartedness. usually i can read people very well, but this time it was kind of hard to gauge his thoughts. i keep thinking that maybe he is doing this all on purpose, every time we’ve been together he drinks, he’s “accidentally” let me into nighttime Tony’s business, even offered me to work for him, but he engages with me sexually even when sober? i should probably ask what’re his plans with me. i don’t mind doing some side work for some extra money, but for him? that’s where the doubt starts to roll in. working for tony does not sound like it’d end well for me. does he want sex or is he trying to get me involved into his world that isn’t so right for me. my sister’s voice is ringing in my head every time i see him. the danger is still fun, but now as much. i don’t know when ill see him again, but im afraid to ask. i don’t know if i even want to given the circumstances. its not just me that has some frustration, if that’s what i should classify it as. he has negative feelings toward me, i can feel it. i think ill try once more, this time ill offer food and sex, just to chill, maybe make that ‘connect’ he keeps asking about. should i?

well i did, i asked him if he was busy Saturday and asked if there’s any work i can come along for. “oh no, i don’t do that shit.” is exactly what he said. why am i trying to connect with this man. he’s so much older than me so im not expecting anything. or maybe i am and i haven’t come to terms with it internally. i know he’s full ass married, but why the fuck does he ask some questions like? where’s the connect and how he calls me just to talk. after what was said it got quiet, it was filled with a lot of tension so i had to hang up. it was so odd. were in a weird place right now and i don’t think we can recover. i dont even want to have sex with him anymore at this point.

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sunflowersupremes · 6 years

Text

The Mutiny: Chapter 5

Anger over the exile and lack of payment for Peter caused Yondu’s crew to consider mutiny. By the time Peter was ten, tensions were at a boiling point, finally spilling over just like the soup pot the mutineers planned to stick him in.

Yondu hadn’t felt so helpless in years, not since before his rescue. But with his arrow out of commission and his implant overheating there was little he could do to prevent his former crew from selling him back to the Kree.

Stakar was conflicted. On the one hand, it served Yondu right to have his crew turn on him after he had turned his back on the code. On the other, it was a little too ironic that the man whose action had saved him from slavery was going to condemn him to return through inaction.

An AU in which the mutiny happens much, much earlier and help comes from the most unlikely of places.

Characters: Peter Quill, Yondu Udonta, Stakar Ogord, Taserface (Marvel), Gef (Marvel), Martinex T'Naga, Aleta Ogord

Additional Tags: Cannibalism, Child Abuse, Death, Suicidal Ideation

Read Chapter on AO3, Read Entire Story on AO3

His chest throbbed and he could barely draw in a breath. Even with Stakar’s help, he couldn’t manage to draw a full breath. He’s known before he crawled into the vents that there was something wrong with his chest - it had been hurting since Taserface had beaten him before throwing him into the cage with Yondu. But he hadn’t realized how bad it was until it had been far, far too late.

At least Stakar seemed nice. And he didn’t seem mad at Peter for his escape stunt, but that could potentially come later. Maybe he’s one of those ‘I’ll hit you but only when you’re in one piece’ types, Peter thought gloomily, leaning back into the Ravager. He didn’t have a choice but to accept his help if he wanted to keep living. Reaching into the pocket of his jacket, he shoved the stolen tablet further down, hoping Stakar wouldn’t notice it before he could dispose of it somewhere.

What about when he notices it’s not in his room? He knows you were in here. Peter irritably told the voice in his head to shut up.

Stakar must have picked up on his trembling, patting his hand and promising, “You’re going to be okay.”

Peter nodded, too afraid to ask about Yondu. He wasn’t stupid. He had heard their conversation earlier in the cell. Even if Stakar had saved them - and he was grateful for that, mostly - it didn’t change the fact that the two Ravagers hadn’t seemed to like each other. It also didn’t change the fact that someone had attacked - and maybe killed - Kraglin.

When the door finally opened - although, surely it couldn’t have been more than a few minutes, even if it felt like forever - Peter tried to sit up, only to be caught by Stakar. “Careful, kid,” he soothed. “He’s got broken ribs,” he explained to the medics as they helped lift Peter from the bed. “Probable punctured lung.”

As the unfamiliar faces attempted to pull him away, Peter panicked and reached back for the one person he actually knew on the entire ship. Stakar batted his hand away, but murmured, “I’m right behind ya.”

Peter intended to hold him to that, struggling to look over his shoulder even as they laid him out on the stretcher. “Eyes front, kid,” Stakar ordered and Peter obeyed, still not certain what would happen if he didn’t.

He lost track of what was happening, at first his mind numbed over by the pain, and then after that, they gave him a shot of something and suddenly he didn’t feel anything anymore. His mind drifted and he was only vaguely aware of the medics talking around him as they worked to heal his damaged lung. Stakar was a near constant presence, every time Peter would build up just enough strength and coherency to sit up the man would be beside him, pushing him back down, talking in words he couldn’t bring his mind to understand.

He had no idea how long the procedure took, but by the end of it, he was no longer breathing through a tube (although he couldn’t remember when it had been put it, but the feeling of it coming out would probably haunt his nightmares). He was left in the hospital bed, told that he was safe and needed to rest, and the lights were dimmed.

Peter waited until the noise of the medical halls died down to crawl out of his bed, slipping across the floor. He was good at moving quietly, good at getting away from people and hiding out for long periods of time.

The only problem he could potentially foresee was his ribs, but the medications the doctors had given him seemed to be working well enough. He picked up his coat from the chair next to the bed, checked to make sure that everything - including the stolen tablet - was still there, and then set off.

“You going somewhere, kid?”

Peter yelped and stumbled backward for his bed, falling on the floor before he could reach it. Stakar pushed himself out of the chair he’d claimed by the door, Peter hadn’t even noticed him in the dim light of the night cycle. “Sorry,” he choked out as Stakar crouched down beside him. The admiral’s eyes gave off a faint glow, making it easy to see his tired face.

For a moment, Stakar said nothing, brushing hair off his forehead and squinting at him. “Checking on Yondu, huh?” When Peter nodded he sighed and stood, then helped Peter to his feet. “Figured you’d try something. Let’s go see him, and then it’s straight to bed. You need rest." Stakar clearly needed rest as well, but Peter kept his mouth shut, knowing that if the man was anything like Yondu he wouldn't appreciate the reminder.

“Yes sir,” Peter whispered, grabbing onto Stakar’s hand as the world suddenly started spinning.

Stakar didn’t even hesitate, effortlessly swinging Peter into his arms and carrying him the short distance to the room where Yondu was. Martinex stood guard at the door, and Peter was immediately jealous of whatever species he was that he didn’t even seem tired at all.

He opened his mouth to greet them, but Stakar cut him off, snarling, “If you say hypothetically one more time, you’re going to the brig.”

Martinex’ mouth hinged shut, and he instead offered Peter a smile. “Hello, Peter Quill, walking accident,” he greeted. Oh. Right. Peter’s face flushed red at the realization that Martinex must have read his entire medical history, including everytime he’d tripped over his own two feet, and the very embarrassing time he’d had a wet dream and woken up sobbing and thinking that his penis was broken. He’d gone to Yondu, not knowing what else to do, and the Centaurian had to drag him to the doctor who had simply started laughing once he realized what was going on. If that was in his file he hoped he never had to see Martinex or his shiny face ever again.

“Ignore him,” Stakar grumbled, although there was a note of fondness in his voice as he pushed past Peter and into the small room. Peter wriggled out of Stakar's arms and hurried across the room, stopping by Yondu’s and staring at him.

“He’s not as bad as he looks,” Stakar called to him. Peter didn’t believe him. Yondu’s skin had taken on a strange purplish hue, and he had a tube down his throat to breathe for him, as well as assorted wires and IVs that Peter couldn’t even begin to guess at the function for. But worst of all was his implant, which had been completely removed and placed on the table beside him. Yondu’s head was covered with a layer of bandages. Peter dug into his pocket, thankfully they hadn’t removed anything from his coat, and took out the parts of Yondu’s implant he had snatched up in their cell when Stakar had first dismantled it. He placed them on the table beside the rest, then darted back to where Stakar and Martinex were standing by the door.

“Done?” Stakar asked softly, reaching down to scoop him up again. “Let’s get you back to bed before you fall asleep on your feet.”

Martinex had indeed seen every embarrassing thing that Peter’s medical file had to offer but didn’t feel the need to wave his past mistakes over his head (yet). He was having far more fun going through Yondu’s medical file, which he’d also taken, and sniggering at his misadventures. To be fair, a large amount of them seemed to involve Peter. So far, Martinex’s favorite was simply labeled “Knife wound. Suggested treatment: Antibiotics and a course in how not to piss off the first mate.”

Stakar had just rolled his eyes when Martinex had gleefully reported his findings, then said he was going to sit with Peter. “Kid’s asleep,” Martinex said, his eyes slightly narrowing. You should be too.

“I’ll be fine.”

Martinex had never met Stakar’s children, they’d died long before they’d met, but watching him scoop Peter up and carry him back to bed he felt a pang in his chest. It was clear Stakar enjoyed being around kids, Martinex couldn’t imagine how he must feel having caused the deaths of his own.

Suddenly, laughing at Yondu and Peter’s misadventures didn’t seem funny anymore.

Sitting aside the data tablet, he glared at the man on the bed. “I hope you know how much of a pain you’ve been.” Yondu didn’t - couldn’t - reply. Martinex supposed that even if he could he would just laugh. “Asshole.”

“Does that make you feel better?”

Martinex turned sharply, glowering at the smirking Kree in the doorway. “Ruul.” He liked Ruul about as much as Stakar had liked Kraglin, that was to say, he was irritated that his suggestion hadn’t been taken and convinced the other man had been given his opinion just to piss someone off. Of course, if anyone ever asked Martinex why Ruul had been promoted to Second Mate he had a long list of reasons, none of which would include the very blunt ‘Stakar picked a Kree to piss off Yondu after the exile.’

Ruul laughed. He was friendly enough, which made Martinex’ dislike of him even harder to explain. “I heard everyone’s expected to live.”

“So far.”

Ruul paused, then looked back to Martinex. “The kid’s a Terran?” Martinex passed him the tablet with the medical file and watched as he read it. Ruul frowned, handing it back once he was satisfied. “I scanned the ship. There aren’t any full-blooded Terrans on board.”

“Terran hasn’t made contact yet, he couldn’t be a half-breed.”

“I’m telling you he is,” Ruul objected, thrusting his own tablet to Martinex for the first mate to read.

His eyebrows furrowed as he read, unable to fully comprehend what he was seeing. Ruul had done his job well, running multiple scans on various to ensure that it wasn’t just a fluke, but the results didn’t lie: Peter Quill was about as human as Stakar, that being, in appearance only.

Martinex felt uneasy and threw a sidelong glance to Yondu, determined that the Centaurian had to know about his mysterious mascot/crewmate/pet/snack. “You’re right,” he conceded. Ruul had to be aware of how much those words physically pained the first mate and he wisely kept his mouth shut. “Not a Terran. We’ll need to tell Stakar in the morning.” He snapped off the datapad and handed it back to Ruul. “Don’t tell anyone, I doubt it’s well known.” Then as an afterthought, he added, “Dismissed.”

Ruul thumped his chest twice before swaggering out of the room.

The first mate paced, wishing - not for the first time - that he needed the eight to twelve hours of sleep that many of his companions did. It would certainly make his life less boring if he wasn’t constantly waiting for them to wake up. But wishing didn’t make it a reality, so he sat by the door and reopened his data tablet, flicking open a random report, and forcing himself to concentrate.

Everything would simply have to wait until morning. That didn’t mean he had to like it.

Author’s Note:

Stakar, the human nightlight, am I right?

Ruul and Marty didn’t get along at first. In the main verse, they were buddies by the time of GOTG2, but that hasn’t happened yet in this AU.

#yondu #peter quill #stakar ogord #aleta ogord #guardians of the galaxy #marvel #fanfic #fan fic #martinex #charlie 27 #mainframe #kraglin #my writing #series: the mutiny

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dearben · 4 years

Text

30.09.20

Dear Ben

i. My parents have a neighbour, this pension-aged divorcee who lives alone. She’s got two grown children, both in high-powered jet-setting careers, whom she doesn’t talk to a lot. She calls pretty much on the daily to talk to my mother, and the isolation hasn’t been kind to her because we get the sense that she’s losing the plot. She called the other night ranting and raving about how I’d screwed up her phone, but Dad’s convinced that it was because she refused to update her iOS.

(FTR, Dad used to try to get me to talk her through how to use her phone but three unsuccessful attempts convinced me that you can’t teach an idiot, so I try to refrain from talking to her where possible).

Mum and Dad have tried to convince her to seek help, but that suggestion hasn’t been taken very well.

(I wish you could talk back to me, but let’s be clear that you’re really a figment of my imagination, because I find it so much easier to talk to one, and part of me doesn’t want to scare you away even though there’s realistically close to zero chance that we’ll ever talk again.)

Anyhow the real reason I don’t like her is because she is essentially who I fear becoming in the future – alone and isolated both by volition and vocation.

ii. I just got into a fight with dad and my sister about what a failure I am. I’d seen this coming for a long time since moving back in – Dad even took me aside to warn me in advance not to be a pain in the arse before I came home. Dad told me that he’s essentially given up on nagging me and only keeps it up instinctively because I’m his progeny, which only hammers home that it’s no longer just in my head but in life that I might’ve failed.

I thought that this was going to be my year, the year that life was finally going to start behaving itself, and then a pandemic came along and gave it all a giant middle finger. It’s been over 6 months yet I still find myself yearning for what could have been. Everyone’s like, “maybe this is the year you strip it all back and regroup, and emerge from the other end like a butterfly”. Since then Operation Butterfly has become my obsession but part of me thinks it’s a distraction from the mess my life’s become.

This year has essentially just rammed home time and again what a failure I am. Crappy job, no social life or skills, and hardly any personality and generally a terrible excuse for a human being. I remember the darkness starting when I was finishing high school – it was like I knew uni was the peak and after that everything would start going downhill. I’m always terrified of the possibility that I peaked way too early, but Dad reckons (rightly so) that I have a complex where I’m unhappy if I’m not the centre of attention. How ironic then that I seemed to have developed a meta-complex about this, rather than behaving constructively about it.

iii. Then kids I’d grown up with are off conquering the world, getting high-powered jobs, getting married, buying houses and having children (or all at once). I can’t even hold down a boyfriend who doesn’t espouse right wing tendencies or isn’t a kidult. But then that opens a pot-kettle situation which I quite often run out of steam to cycle around.

Sarah’s said that anxiety does this – that it zaps the energy to give a fuck, resulting in one becoming an arse to the world because what’s remaining of that energy’s just directed towards keeping the basic systems running. I can’t even figure out how to format excel spreadsheets anymore. It’s super funny because I feel like I don’t have the patience to understand mental illness anymore, having fallen into that chasm despite once being so curious about it. I somehow manage to drown every day while decrying everyone else in the same boat for being a wimp. It’s days like these that I can’t picture the sun coming up tomorrow – or if it does, that the world will be in grayscale.

iv. Gabby’s just made us do a gratitude exercise. Truth be told I’ve always been skeptical of these because every time I do that, the rug gets pulled from under me and things on that list just mysteriously disappear. Mihika said that it was almost as if I was scared of being happy, which was pathological, but is it possible that I’m just too lazy to be?

I don’t know why I’m writing, when I haven’t in such a long time (I was afraid, I think, that my writing had become mediocre but I don’t care now because no one’ll read this…I think). I’ve always been a fast talker, fast thinker – maybe I just have too many thoughts in my head yelling over one another like inkblots and fireworks, and perhaps this might help me slow them down. I don’t need this to look pretty or aesthetic – I just need to figure a way out of the knots.

v. What I want to say to Dad and Mom and Ying (and the world) is that I wish I had the maturity to own a house, or have children, or even make things different for myself when I’m not happy about them, rather than make excuses all the time and wallow in self-pity. Or even, just to be happy with myself. Buying a car was terrifying enough, and that was with Ying and Dad there to do most of the legwork for me. Why the fuck am I licensed to perform surgery and give people life-changing medical advice, when I can’t even drive properly without thinking I’m going to die every time I step into a car?

All I can promise is that I will try, but that there will be days when I’ll fuck up again and again, even though that’s not an excuse to let things slide. I’m afraid to talk openly about this because it’ll force me to confront that deep dark chasm that is my anxiety about being a failure in life, and if I’m not careful I might finally fall in.

I know that I have so much growing up to do because I’ve spent too much time with my head in the clouds – mostly as a distraction because I’m fed up with life and humanity. I want to say that I care enough to not be a terrible person, but sometimes I find it hard to be 10/10. Dad keeps telling me to be introspective and self-reflective but sometimes I feel like time alone with my thoughts isn’t helpful but that’s mostly because I end up wallowing in cycles of despair. I know it’s a cop-out whenever I call myself a failure because it’s the easy way out, to fall with gravity, but my choices have consequences and I don’t like what’s on the other end of that alternative. But treading water is getting so tiring sometimes – I wish I could accept that this will be for life but I find it difficult sometimes to realise that there are ups and downs.

vi. I have found myself indulging, more and more, in thoughts of what we could’ve been. I find that they tend to be more salient whenever things and times get rough. Kit reckons that I do this to comfort myself with the memory of the closest I came to success but it always comes with that painful shock from your rejection. Even though rationally, you were reacting or behaving normally and were honest enough as to warn me ahead of time that you weren’t ready for a relationship and were even kind enough to check up on me despite my stupid faceplant, it only made you more irresistible. How I have tried time and again to be rational and stop thinking of you on a pedestal; once I even forced myself to read through your old messages talking about how you’d moved on. Oh god, I thought the pain would kill me but it didn’t and here I remain a strange shade holding onto regret. We only met twice and I was stupid at both, and clearly stupid enough to keep using you as the benchmark for what every subsequent partner should be. It’s been nearly 5 years. It nearly destroyed the one who came after you because he wasn’t you and despite both of us trying it wasn’t fair for him to be compared to a memory.

But then I’m starting to wonder if what I’m really finding alluring about you are your qualities and successes. I wonder if you were just another right-wing conservative social justice denier with stunted career prospects living with his parents, I would still be enamoured of you – and I’m starting to come to the realisation that perhaps I might not be. But you aren’t any of those things (particularly the right-wing conservative) – and here I’m falling into my own trap yet again.

I sometimes flirt (and come close to) with the idea of just asking you. Not flirtatiously with an emoticon in an unexpected text, but with raw honesty. Are you still with her? Are you happy? How is working from home, since you were already an expert before this shitstorm hit. How do you become an adult? And do you ever think of me as anyone aside from a fling?

But then that would utterly destroy the boundary I put up for my own good, by not replying to you the last time you asked me, and I know realistically I have destroyed any chance of that happening when you must’ve found me stalking your LinkedIn. More importantly it will make it blatantly obvious that beyond those two times, I wasn’t anything but a blip on your radar. Maybe I prefer this illusion of you, after all, and confronting you in life will eliminate him.

You’re not the only guy I’ve done this to. Most of the time, I embarrass myself enough in my delusions that I shudder at the mere thought of ever talking to them again. Once, it worked out, but then I ended up getting bored and breaking his heart years later. I often wonder if this is karmic payback for being so thoughtless but again the rational part of my brain realises that’s a cop-out.

vii. When I was thirteen my parents made me attend this motivational seminar over summer break, which famously (and sensationally) involved bullying us to study hard by visualising our parents on their deathbeds. They made us chant the line “Choices have consequences” on the hour and it has stuck. It’s wavered in my consciousness at times, particularly when I’m swimming in depression, and I often feel guilty coming out of the zenith when I realise that I’d just left it up to fate and faith to float me back to normality.

Every time I go back to Singapore and want to visit the places of my childhood, I find myself saddened by how things have changed and how my memories are disappearing. Again, there’s that tendency to comfort myself with memories to the extent of wishing them to reality, again an impossibility. Maybe that’s a good way to let your ghost rest, by realising that that is all you are – a memory, and a fleeting one at that. Again, I know it won’t happen overnight but it’s worth a try.

The other main strategy that everyone espouses to that end is trying to make myself the best possible version of myself I could be, almost to convince myself I deserve better than you. But why should I need to convince myself when I could just believe – but oh, that is still strangely counterintuitive.

What would giving in and talking to you achieve? Realistically, it’s been two years since that last message that I never answered, so quite possibly an unwelcome shock to you because why won’t I just rest and move on with life already? Awkward, almost immediately, because I’d been stalking your LinkedIn. You’d ask me how I was and I’d either a) launch into a diatribe about how I hate my life and existence and you’d be stuck at an awkward loss or b) I’d lie outlandishly about how my life is fucking awesome and you’d congratulate me and I’d struggle to fall asleep in self-loathing because my reality is anything but. So not a good outcome either way.

My choices have consequences, right? So talking to you, in both scenarios, would result in a negative, soul scorching outcome. I don’t ever want to have to endure that gutwrenching ache ever again, the choking sensation of my heart almost being hooked out of my chest. So rather than contemplate that today, let me figure out how I’m going to try and fix one broken part of my life, in planning out what to say to my family when I apologise for tonight’s outburst. Hopefully some of my earlier reflections will help.

And I know that this isn’t goodbye, not just yet. Perhaps I will one day be ready to finally lay you to rest. For now your phantom will just need to listen to my rambling emotions. For some reason or other I don’t think you’ll mind, so thank you for that. Maybe I’ll know you’re ready to go when I no longer have anything to say to you.

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comicteaparty · 6 years

Text

February 14th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on February 14th, 2019, from 5PM - 7PM PST. The chat focused on Earth in a Pocket by Jabbage.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Earth in a Pocket by Jabbage~! (http://earthinapocket.spiderforest.com/)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

perhaps not a full scene, but im really fond of this page in general http://earthinapocket.spiderforest.com/comic/2019/01/22 where the socio economic development stuff is broken down. theres just something so elegantly simple about how its shown. not to mention i appreciate the injection of humor, because i think it makes everything really grounded.

Delphina

The badger page is perennially endearing (http://earthinapocket.spiderforest.com/comic/2018/08/11), but I also like the most recent one where Little One is encouraging Halisi to be proactive and set up some long-term solutions for herself: http://earthinapocket.spiderforest.com/comic/2019/02/05

RebelVampire

im really curious why she thought of badgers at all. unless she had the badgers badgers mushroom song stuck in her head. XD

Delphina

@Jabbage please make that canon

Jabbage

makes it so

(Hi! I'm going to be here for a little while! :D)

RebelVampire

thanks for coming, Jabbage!

Jabbage

I figure that if you're on a road trip with a small child who is prone to ask a billion questions, eventually you're going to end up talking about badgers

Delphina

I just really appreciate how even after all she's been through, Halisi still has so much love and passion for her studies, and it's what she reaches to when she's looking for ways to console Little One and solutions for herself.

Kabocha

Hmmm, my favorite scene probably was the Witch bottle explanation http://earthinapocket.spiderforest.com/comic/2018/08/15 It was a good bit of information I hadn't really been aware of :D I also just... enjoy her interactions with the little jellyfish - even though she's in a bad spot, she's still taking time to tell him stories.

RebelVampire

i like the element of logic there is to it too. like she's not panicking, but using what she loves to calm herself down in a way. and i think thats a really great showcase of her character without needing to be told shes like that.

its a characterization via the action versus the telling

mathtans

Here for now, the little one seems extra fussy tonight. Yes, I call my baby daughter the little one. So comic was a bit surreal.

RebelVampire

hi math!

at least your little one isnt old enough to ask yet "are we there yet?"

Kabocha

Right? I mean, she could have just given in, accepted that she might die here... But nah. And she's still kind, even though this entire situation is awful

mathtans

The Witch bottle thing reminds me, I liked the way the art moved through the centuries on that one page, but with people who looked kinda similar. I thought that was clever.

True. Little one could save us some time by specifying what her issues are though. ^.^

RebelVampire

ironically though another of my favorite scenes is the one where halisi sets up the signal and kind of ditches her new jellyfish child to just go despairingly collapse in front of it. i like this brief moment of her giving into despair cause theres something really raw about it. like at first she doesnt say anything even, and i think it makes it really powerful because the silence just adds this immense weight to the sorrow. you know shes super suffering for that moment and feeling the weight of everything finally hit her.

Delphina

Yeah, the comic does a good job of showing a lot of conflicting emotions(edited)

mathtans

Yeah, honestly the very opening was a heck of a kick in the pants. Like, I have no idea what I'd do in that sort of situation. It's very problematic.

RebelVampire

yeah theres def a lot of stressful situations. but i kind of appreciate the lighter moments. like her trying to start a fire but ultimately failing. i mean its kind of scary and sad for her survival, but the way its handled is still pretty funny

also that moment where shes trying to fix the machine at the beginning and it just flat out basically bursts into flames XD

Jabbage

I'm pleased to hear that! I'm always aware that it could be quite a bleak story, but I want it to ultimately feel hopeful and positive, so the silly moments are important for that!

kayotics

I also liked the badger scene, but I think the scene that had the most prominence for me is when she finds out that someone else landed on the planet 80 years ago

i think that scene really set in how dire her situation is

khkddn

the portrayal of emotions really is great. it's really interesting to see someone going through such a crisis and only surrounded by beings who can't relate at all

Delphina

Oh god yeah, and the aliens just going "Something happened to the human we don't know what cause death isn't a thing that happens here???" was scary.

kayotics

"it's hibernating!"

G (Title Unrelated)

I felt something in the scene right after where they tell her dad "we haven't heard from her yet"

Delphina

collective tentacle shrug

kayotics

yeah i really feel for her dad

this isn't a scene, but I appreciate that all of the characters are middle-aged or older

RebelVampire

agreed. but i appreciated the realism of the ppl on the other line being like "meh its probably fine my dude" to the dad. cause that really uses reader knowledge to an advantage to create sympathy for him. because we know its not fine, and that he is right to worry. and that makes it sad hes the only one worried in that moment.

G (Title Unrelated)

Yes I agree

kayotics

Also agreed. It's a good example of dramatic irony

RebelVampire

although i like the most recent page with the followup where hes basically enlisted an army of students to find her. abuse of power, probably. but makes him the sweetest dad? yes.

QUESTION 2. Much of the comic revolves around Halisi telling stories based on things in her pocket. Which of Halisi’s stories impacted you the most and/or taught you something new? What do you think is to be gained from Halisi telling these stories to an alien race with no real connection to humanity? How do you believe the stories and knowledge she has might help contextualize her current situation for her? What, to you, does it mean to have “Earth in a Pocket?” Further, if you were in Halisi’s position, what objects would you pick in 10 seconds to represent the sum of human existence? Lastly, what other cultural or past history aspects do you think Halisi might bring up? How might they be contextualized to add a new viewpoint to Halisi’s situation?

Delphina

I liked the Dancing Plague story a lot http://earthinapocket.spiderforest.com/comic/2018/08/06

RebelVampire

this is the point where i say the witch bottle scene. I think it was beautifully illustrated, and as a story it was not a cultural thing i was aware of. but i like how suitable and unsuitable it was for the situation. but overall it just made me think about humans are weird and can make fear out of nothing at all if the minds decide it to be so.

unless the plot twist is there really was a witch in that bottle

ive always found the dancing plague fascinating because again, humans be weird. minds play tricks.

khkddn

the witch bottle scene is kind of like a story about the power of storytelling, pretty fitting i think

the idea of a witch meant so much to people, like how halisi's stories mean so much to the jellies

G (Title Unrelated)

so she's got a single seed, too, which is also super symbolic

kayotics

I really like the agriculture story, because, like it was mentioned before, it was very concise, but also it shows a lot about Halsi's personality and what she thinks is important about understanding humans on a basic level

mathtans

Back. Know what you can't do when you have a little one? Have a life sometimes. >.<(edited)

G (Title Unrelated)

I wonder what kind of seed it is

RebelVampire

oh man what if the seed wasnt even food. like she winds up growing a rose bush or something XD

mathtans

I was going to say, one of my fave moments was actually comedy, when Halisi first goes off with the inhabitants, thinking about ditching them, and they're all "we can see the thoughts".

RebelVampire

i appreciate the jellyfish didnt just ditch her at that point. cause i would not be as forgiving as them XD

mathtans

And yeah, the hope and sudden crash of the human who was there before was powerful too.

Delphina

I hope it's like... a nice fruit tree. She seems like she could use a nice fruit tree.

mathtans

The framing of the witch bottle scene was cool too. With the whole "not helping me be less afraid" thing (and asking for that term).

kayotics

i just really like the little jellyfish aliens, because they're written in a way that's much less human-centric. I like aliens that are just kind of weird for being weird and don't follow human conventions.

mathtans

Though props for the "pot-reon" in the agriculture bit too.

RebelVampire

yeah im really appreciating the jellyfish for that reason. theyre a nice blend between humanistic traits while still being super alien. its always nice to see when theres kind of a basic gap of understanding where the way each species thinks is quite different

anyway, for me personally though, while she does literally have some of earth in her pocket, i think earth is more about the stories that have traveled with her. because oral traditions reach immensely far back and is the main platform by which we teach and learn about ourselves as a species. so imo they are more representative of humanity than the objects. thus how she can fit earth in a pocket, even though she doesnt need the pocket.(edited)

G (Title Unrelated)

Yeah, I think you nailed it!

mathtans

Also, random question/thought. Halisi didn't have to dig too deep to get "well" water (I liked that one too)... yet was able to bury a guy? The water must be specific to locations or something?

Agreed on the alien-ness people have been speaking about.

G (Title Unrelated)

I mean it's an alien planet

mathtans

Good point about the traditions, Rebel. She's her own pocket.

It helps that she mostly just has to think things rather than even speak them aloud too.

Jabbage

AHAHA yeah, I realised that after drawing it. It's on a list of things i might tweak one day, although I do also like the idea that it is just an alien planet and it's strange and unpredictable like that. So much of our own planet would seem strange and random if we didn't understand a little bit about it's geology, the water cycle etc.

kayotics

on that note i like the idea of halsi going around trying to find ground that doesn't immediately fill up with well water

"okay let's try this spot. Hm, nope, that filled up. can't bury him here"

G (Title Unrelated)

haha!

RebelVampire

yeah it didnt particularly stick out to me just cause i wrote it off as like a change in elevation or something like that. but basically alien planet does alien things XD

mathtans

Fair point.

Could just drag dirt over from another place too, though I guess it would be raised more then.

kayotics

I think if it needs to be tweaked in the future, Jabbage, you could always just change it to a mound rather than a hole. same concept but it avoids going below the dirt

mathtans

Fixes the w"hole" thing.

G (Title Unrelated)

also digging a hole IS hard work

Jabbage

Yeah, or using rocks

kayotics

digging is a lot of work

mathtans

Also whistling while you use rocks, to get rock music.

I'll stop.

kayotics

if she plants that seed she may have to make a mound for that too, it would probably get too waterlogged otherwise

mathtans

I wonder if the soil has the right nutrients.

RebelVampire

yeah i was thinking that too

that her next challenge is finding a not well spot for that seed

cause unless its a crop that specifically needs to be waterlogged, shes gonna have a bad time

mathtans

The jellyfish said the mushrooms could talk, right? Maybe they know a place.

Does rice have seeds?

G (Title Unrelated)

I think if the planet has breathable air it might have a similar balance of elements and whatnot to earth?

kayotics

i think most rice is planted from splitting an existing plant, but i'm sure there's a seed that starts it all

Delphina

What do the jelly aliens taste like

kayotics

DELPHIE NO

Delphina

MAYBE THEY GROW BACK OR SOMETHING

Jabbage

Whether or not the mushrooms can talk is a fun thing that's not really ever going to get expanded on, but which I had in mind for how the jellies work. I figure that they don't have many ways of getting external sensory information about the world - no eyes, ears, sense of smell etc. They are psychic though, they share thoughts and ideas and information about the world. I figure that the mushrooms have some kind of consciousness and run through the planet, and the jellies can draw from that somehow to orientate themselves and know what's going on

G (Title Unrelated)

that's what I kinda assumed!

I mean, that is basically how forests work on earth. XD

RebelVampire

so basically the mushrooms can function as gps

Jabbage

@Delphina ~ I mean I'm sure Big One has some spare limbs... ~(edited)

mathtans

Oh, wow. Cannibalism-like issue didn't occur to me.

Jabbage

Me neither honestly

mathtans

I think the jelly was a bit broken and said she'd regenerate over time...?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. Story wise, the comic deals with Halisi crash landing on an alien planet and all but being stranded. Do you believe Halisi will learn to farm with the little she managed to salvage and find a way to survive? What obstacles might prevent such an excursion on the planet? How will Halisi deal with the obstacles? Further, how do you think Halisi will deal with managing her mysterious illness, and what is she sick with for that matter? How might her actions be hindered or helped by the native alien life? In what ways do you think her actions will change how the alien life lives their own lives? Finally, do you believe that Halisi will be rescued at some point? If so, how will this come about?

mathtans

I like the mushroom consciousness idea.

RebelVampire

i do think the jelly child said as such.

G (Title Unrelated)

Q3: These are... all questions I have, myself. XD

mathtans

That illness thing is probably the immediate concern. Withdrawal itself is an issue, whether the pills were life saving or not

G (Title Unrelated)

I was wondering if they were antidepressants or something

RebelVampire

yeah for all the optimism in this plan, the pills are gonna be problematic. but i did wonder if they were antidepressants

khkddn

the flashback scene after she takes her last pill makes it seem to me like she was waiting for medical test results

kayotics

it's also a future time, so it could be a pill that prevents a life threatening disease from spreading.

mathtans

That's a good thought. The whole not accomplishing anything in her life is pretty bleak. Maybe that's a symptom.

G (Title Unrelated)

oh I didn't realize that scene was about her somehow

kayotics

my hope is that she's rescued well before she even needs to worry about this single plant producing any viable food options, since even if the plant grows, it's not likely going to sustain her

G (Title Unrelated)

yeah exactly

RebelVampire

not to mention depending on what plant it is it could take forever to grow. plant growth really varies a lot from crop to crop

kayotics

as for the pills, it seems like her illness has a vague timeline. Like a degenerative disease or something cancerous.

G (Title Unrelated)

P.s., I want some rainbow space maize.

RebelVampire

yes i second this

rainbow space maize for everyone

mathtans

It's a maize-ing.

khkddn

a few pages after she takes the pill she wonders "why are red pills better stimulants" and the pill she took was red. but then again if it were antidepressants i would expect a flashback that looked more like a therapists office than a doctor with results

Jabbage

Oh gosh I don't want to interrupt all the amazing discussion about Halisi's mysterious malady but I was so pleased to find out that there's actually multicoloured corn like that

I thought I made it up for a gag but it's reaaaaaal

kayotics

i have the link, if you'd like it

khkddn

oh i love the corn page

kayotics

https://www.sciencealert.com/this-rainbow-corn-is-the-coolest-way-to-eat-your-veggies (rainbow corn)

mathtans

It wasn't too corny.

kayotics

Honestly? corn, rice, and wheat would all be things I'd say should be brought to an earth colony.

G (Title Unrelated)

yeassssst. XD

unless there's naturally occurring yeast.

Man, we don't even know what it would be like to visit another living planet

RebelVampire

if we have rainbow corn, clearly were meant to go into space right now.

thats a good catch with the red pill, @khkddn

i actually hadnt paid attention to the pill color

mathtans

As to the question of Halisi being rescued, I foresee two possible outcomes. First, that she's found still alive, and she's learned enough about the planet natives to further space research or something, or second, that she's found dead, but the natives were so taken by her stories that her name will live on forever in the history books of first contact.

G (Title Unrelated)

I didn't associate the pill color musing with her situation but maybe it IS related!

RebelVampire

though i leave it open shes on some sort of mental health related medicine, i do feel its more likely its a degenrative disease of some sort. cause it makes her wanting to go to space make more sense. cause i feel its one of those things where youd be more willing to do it if you knew that you had a shorter time than most to live

math no, that second one is too dark

although not implausible

khkddn

if halisi is not reunited with her dad at some point i'll be so sad

or at least they speak to each other

Delphina

Yeah, I'm just gonna say I don't think Halisi's gonna make it back to Earth. I think we're probably looking at a "she finds peace and purpose with the remaining time she has" situation.

RebelVampire

im gonna believe in the rescue efforts cause her dad seems to be a determined dude. and tbf they probably know her flight path so unless she was super duper off course they can probably guess a reasonable area she might be.

mathtans

I don't know that it's necessarily dark... it's kind of a happy end, just not for Halisi.

Also, maybe the pills help her speak. But that's a thing she won't need with the jellys.

I do think that receiving a message from an 80 year old spacecraft is probably something worth investigating.

RebelVampire

thatd be mighty convenient. tho in some au shed get so used to the psychic stuff shed go back to live among humans and be like "oh shit thats right they cant just see my mind pictures"

mathtans

That's an interesting point, about readapating to civilization.

Crazy theory time: Eating the mushrooms constantly ends up turning her into a jelly-creature. When the humans arrive, they won't recognize her.

RebelVampire

i do think shell have some affect on the jellies though. cause i think at the very least shes gonna teach them the important of oral traditions and theyll start telling their own stories and collectively grow as a species. i think shes really setting the jellies on the path for this.

LOL

i was thinking earlier about what if the mushrooms are semi psychic cause thats what happens to the jellies when they die

they dont die and just come back as the mushrooms

mathtans

Ooooh, that'd be an interesting twist.

Like maybe Halisi gains some psychic powers too.

(Though we may have ended up back at cannibalism...)

G (Title Unrelated)

not to shoot down anyone's fun speculation, but it doesn't seem like that kind of story, tbh. XD

kayotics

haha

we don't even know if the jellies can die i mean, I'd think they would, since they apparently come into existence somehow

mathtans

Also they haven't overrun the world.

kayotics

maybe theyre very slow at growing

or they just become the water

G (Title Unrelated)

slow-growing seems very likely

mathtans

I figure before they die they just kind of stop transmitting. Maybe run off somewhere. So no one is aware.

(Maybe they're like lemmings?)

G (Title Unrelated)

(that is not how lemmings work, sorry. XD)

mathtans

(I would worry if lemmings could read my thoughts.)

G (Title Unrelated)

(the suicidal lemmings myth was created by disney)

mathtans

shakes fist at mouse

G (Title Unrelated)

(or did you mean something else lol)

mathtans

I free associate. I mean what you want me to mean.

RebelVampire

yeah ive been wondering if the jellies are immortal. although ya know what, we have immortal jellyfish on earth so thats not that ridiculous to imagine.

kayotics

man, jellyfish are messed up

mathtans

There can be only one! hands out swords

kayotics

i can only imagine that the Jellies in earth in a pocket feel the same too. I was able to touch the bell of a couple at an aquarium once and man, that was a weird feeling

G (Title Unrelated)

I've been watching PBS Eons on youtube, I wonder if they've done one about the origins of cnidarians yet...

RebelVampire

honestly im putting money on immortal just cause they didnt even know what death was. unless they do die and just dont understand the hibernating jellies are never coming back

QUESTION 4. One topic resounding throughout the comic is humanity connecting to the past while also embracing the future and expanding. In what ways do you think reconnecting with humanity’s origins have changed Halisi on a personal level? How might they continue to change her? Why do you think Halisi so strongly believes in bringing the past to humans as humanity expands into space? In what ways do you think she’ll think it will help humanity as a whole? How might Halisi’s experiences on this new alien planet change the way she thinks about humanity’s past? How might it change how she conveys humanity’s past to other humans? Overall, what do you believe the story has to show us in regards to balancing the past, the future, and why both are needed?

G (Title Unrelated)

immortal jellies make for a good contrast to Halisi's fears of her own mortality

mathtans

They can be injured though, like the one who had a thing fall on it. It'd suck to be immortal that way.

RebelVampire

that is true. and contrasts like that are good.

Jabbage

(imma point out, Little One also notes that they're going to get better one day, although Halisi is a bit incredulous about that)

mathtans

The connecting to the past thing makes me think of that society. Which didn't seem to have a lot of members. Also, it took them, what, ten years to decide on things? (I was amused by "say that to my face" because, um, I think that's what the person is doing.)

Delphina

Totally saying, if I had a bunch of tentacle arms that would grow back and my weird human buddy was dying, I'd let her eat a couple to survive.

G (Title Unrelated)

I assume their tentacles don't have stingers. XD

RebelVampire

for me itd depend on how fast theyd grow back. cause if i had to spend like 500 years waiting for tentacle arms to grow back, that doesnt sound pleasant

mathtans

If so, they must have turned the stingers off to crawl around on her.

RebelVampire

they probably wouldnt have stingers cause their planet seems peaceful. like none of the jellies are like "oh no predators who will destroy us" so theres no need for their evolutionary track to lead to stingers in so far as i can see

kayotics

in response to the question: There's a lot of parallels to humans expanding to other planets and our own planet's history of colonization. There's a lot of cultural pain that comes with leaving your home and leaving your country (whether by force or by choice), and reconnecting to that cultural heritage is something that decedents often go through to feel like they belong in the world. I can see that being a driving point for delivering some of these artifacts to other planets.

G (Title Unrelated)

IRL Jellies mostly use their stings for catching prey?(edited)

Delphina

Do we even know if they feel pain?

mathtans

Wait, do they eat?

khkddn

they seem to have difficulty understanding when a human is unhappy or feels pain

kayotics

they might not need to eat in the same way

they might just kind of absorb what they need

Jabbage

I'm not sure it's going to come up specifically, but I think they probably dont' feel pain like we feel it? Just because i don't think they have the same sensory capabilities. Little One is frustrated that they can't move around as fast as the others, but I don't think they're in pain as such

G (Title Unrelated)

yeah. I was thinking about the Question and I think... it's interesting how it's framed as this thing where they've decided the colonists NEED this, but like, they can't agree on what's actually important

mathtans

Maybe Halisi will make a tiny scooter for Little One.

G (Title Unrelated)

I think it's the stories, not the objects, that are important.

And like... All stories are important???

RebelVampire

i think that is true, that all stories are important. cause stories are subjective and whats personally important to one person isnt important to someone else

kayotics

i think a few cultural trinkets to go with the stories can help, like... like I remember being a kid and my family having a christmas wooden carousel from germany or something, which is where my family emigrated from, so it was like "oh that's my people" I think having something to connect to some of the stories is important.

RebelVampire

thus why its worth preserving them all and no agreeance is needed really. because any single story can have an affect on someone

Jabbage

@kayotics I really like your point about our history of colonization, and it's something that I've tried to be careful with and approach thoughtfully, because I think that IS a driving factor in Halisi wanting to share people's cultural heritage with them. One of the things that sparked this story is thinkign about how current issues with repatriating cultural objects and deciding who has control over them would translate into a world where we don't even all live on the same planet any more

Delphina

The beginning showed that humanity has VR technology to "experience Earth", but it's several very comfortable degrees apart. I like that normally, being so advanced would make the hardships of the very distant past feel less real (just vaguely amusing/educational) But having Halisi have to figure out how humans lived and survived kind of brings that back and grounds her in a way that establishing Cookie Cutter Terraform Colony Number 14792 wouldn't.(edited)

So in that sense, the physicality of it is important

RebelVampire

i do think @kayotics has a point. especially in this story because of that vr scene where they were touring the roman thing. cause its not like they dont already have stories and ways to view historical things. and the actual objects can really tie that together. but i also think the stories are just as important via the scene where theyre shown to be able to print 3d objects. in essence the object means nothing without the story, but the story is made more powerful by the object. its a symbiotic relationship in a way.

kayotics

I'm glad it's something you've thought about!

I can't help but think about how colonization has affected the planets that the humans have landed on, and how it'll effect the planet that Halisi has landed on as well, no matter how small.

G (Title Unrelated)

I was thinking about that, too!

mathtans

Maybe she'll want it purged from the records to preserve it. And since Dad was just using grad students, he can oblige.

Jabbage

I thought long and hard about what race to make my astronaut because when they were a random white academic, the whole thing had a very different feel. Landing on some planet and educating the rather silly native denizens. I also wanted someone who grew up around the earliest archaeology created by anatomically modern humans so it made sense to make her black and from South Africa anyway

but then I'm white and British and so... yeah, I've basically had a lot to think about and juggle on that one

mathtans

Jabbage: Well, damn. I hadn't considered that, but you make a good point.

At least she's not building churches and asking the jellys to worship.

Incidentally, speaking of growing up, I liked the flashback image with her and dad looking youthful.(edited)

RebelVampire

im interested in the idea of who has control over the cultural objects we deem important, especially in regards to technology. because the comic touched on it a bit with the 3d printing and it really starts getting into the ship of Theseus issues of identity for those objects

mathtans

"Fax me your statue. No, I'm not paying you for it, I'll display it on Planet X for the Xposure."

Jabbage

And is seeing a reproduction ever 'the same?;

Even if it's identical in every way?

mathtans

Probably not, which is why they haven't figured out teleporters.

kayotics

if it's identical in every way i feel like maybe it is the same

but... wait maybe not

mathtans

Just to sum, pretty grand scale for this one, and a powerful beginning. Here's to Halisi and the Jellies.

Sounds like a strange band name.

RebelVampire

see its a really interesting philosophical question to explore. is whether cultural significance relies on the exact object or if we can transfer that as humanity spreads into the stars

mathtans

(I wonder if we'll learn more about jelly civilization.)

G (Title Unrelated)

Also, what stories do we remember or forget...

kayotics

I feel like there's something to be said about the energy that we as humans put into things. Like there's something there in the reverence we give something. like when you see a giant statue that's been prayed to vs a huge statue to commemorate someone, those have different feelings.

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Jabbage, as well, for making Earth in a Pocket. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Jabbage’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: http://earthinapocket.spiderforest.com/

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Jabbage’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/Jabbageart

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