#while also being very distant with them and argh

[moonpaw]

putting aside the filler arcs in the anime between alabasta and sky island, robin has only been with the straw hats for 2 or 3 days by the time they reach skypeia

the first day we see her slide right into the crew, knowing each member's personality well enough to not raise a big fuss over her being there while also proving how useful she is, something i'm sure she had to do over and over, pleasing and proving that she can be kept around so she can continue on surviving for her dream

after alabasta she was ready to die, tired of this life style, but luffy decided to go against her verbal wishes and save her anyway, and in return she decided to make herself his problem by thrusting herself into his crew ....only to find out that she actually likes being with them

the straw hats aren't like most pirates, they don't plot or seek out destruction, they just want to explore the new islands and seek adventure on the seas

robin tried to bring the straw hats into her own pace by slipping into the crew, but in the end she was the one who fell into their pace and in love with the crew, giving her a peace of mind she hasn't had in a long time and the freedom to be completely and freely, herself without having to prove her existence or usefulness

[ghoultrifle]

mushy may day six !!!!

prompt: "you're blushing"

character: aurora/cumulus

word count: 700

summary: Rory being very cute but also very incapable of putting on her shoes

notes: the solution to the infantalisation of aeon is to infantalise aurora as well /hj

below the cut or on ao3 :))

She’s the definition of grace, hopping on the spot as she tries, to no avail, to get this goddamn shoe on her foot. Aurora pulls and twists all while nearly toppling over onto every available surface in the den, “Argh! Just. Go. On,” she cries, punctuated by the thud of her still-bare left foot against the floor.

With a hop, skip, and a jump she bounds into the kitchen, met by Swiss and Cumulus idly chatting, perched on the stools beneath the island counter. “Lus! Help me, please!” Aurora pleads, refusing to give up.

Cumulus giggles, the inexperienced ghoulette shuffling like a madman in her pursuit of… she’s not sure. “What are you doing, ‘rora?”

“Hnnf- Saw Aeon could put his shoes on standing up and couldn’t let him win,” she explains. The ghouls at the counter shoot her a confused stare, “You know, the bets?” Aurora is only met with more puzzled looks. “Whoever can master fifty human things first wins?” Swiss and Cumulus look at each other before Swiss pipes up.

“And you decided putting on shoes while standing upright is a trait so human that you’re having a competition over it?” He questions.

“Well, it’s not just that! We’ve also done throwing laundry in the hamper, making small talk, carrying the most amount of drinks without spilling them, loads of stuff!” 

“Don’t forget chugging the drinks too!” A distant voice calls out.

“Hi, Ae,” Cumulus shouts back before turning her attention back to Aurora. “So this is serious stuff, huh?” Aurora nods. “Well, I don’t know about you, Swiss, but I wouldn’t want to interfere with such a strict competition,” she says playfully but with a hint of sarcasm. Swiss nods his head in agreement.

So the multi ghoulette continues in her struggle, bending, stretching, at one point it looks like she’s doing the hokey cokey. “Really?! No help at all?” The others can only smile as they shake their heads. “Ugh, fine, I’m leaving.”

It would be a more poignant bite if she were able to actually direct herself out of the room, instead Aurora is stuck going in circles in an attempt to regain her balance. “Need a hand, sweetheart?” Cumulus jokes. That’s the push Aurora needs to steady herself and return to Aeon, foot still sitting halfway in the shoe.

“I don’t remember us doing anything like that when we were new summons, do you?” Cumulus asks.

“You’re blushing, Lus” Swiss grins.

“What? No?!” She says, flustered. “That’s not what I was talking about anyway. We were nev-”

“You have a crush on the new summon!” He says in a sing-song tone. “Look at you, you’ve gone all red and embarrassed, textbook crush behaviour!”

Cumulus only blushes harder, maybe she does have a thing for Aurora. The younger ghoul is just so playful and energetic; sometimes a bit of a loser but in the most endearing way; she’s sweet as a button but fierce too and- yeah Cumulus is fucked. “Okay, maybe yeah, but what about it? You’re practically welded to Aeon!”

“At least I own it, Lus,” he smiles, nudging her. “You should too.”

Aurora flies back into the kitchen, nearly sliding across the tile straight to the sink. She gathers herself and stands proudly, “Did it!”

“I can see, rorabug, well done!” Cumulus replies, sweetly.

“Uh huh! I’m on thirty eight now,” she grins excitedly. Cumulus has no idea why she’s so charmed by Aurora but she’s not complaining. She gathers some confidence before inviting Aurora over to where she’s sat. The younger ghoul is at the perfect height for Cumulus to place a delicate kiss on her cheek. It’s not much but she’s proud of herself.

“Oh, um, thanks Lus!” She smiles nervously, turning to leave the room.

After a gentle prod in the ribs from Aeon, that means she likes you too, Rory, do it back! She turns her body towards Cumulus and with an assertive stride she gives her a peck on the lips, “Join us?” She asks. Before waiting for an answer she runs away, giggling with Aeon. Those left in the kitchen can hear hushed whispers of celebrations and congratulations at their newfound knowledge of each other’s appreciation.

Swiss shrugs and puts his hands in the air, “I’m not stopping you, go get her!”

[duhragonball]

Neon Genesis Evangelion 03

You know, I hate to say it, but this show's been pretty friggin' boring so far. I mean, the animation's excellent, and the character designs are really top-notch, but there's these long stretches where nothing actually happens. The dull parts are probably intended to make the robot battles more exciting, but Shinji kind of sucks at fighting, and this whole show seems designed to make me feel guilty about his predicament, so it's hard to enjoy the action, you know?

This one opens with Shinji doing some target practice with his Eva. Ritsuko talks him through the drills, reviewing the technical details of the unit. For example, that cable coming out of its back is a power line, because their battery technology sucks in this world. If the cable gets cut, the Eva has 5 minutes of battery life before it shuts down.

Shinji just sort of exists through these drills like he's in a trance. Ritsuko observes that he seems to go through life just doing whatever he's told.

Misato got him a cell phone when he moved in with her, and she expected him to use it a lot when he started at his new school here in Tokyo-3, but she hasn't heard it ring even once, and she suspects that he has no friends.

The two women consider the Hedgehog's dilemma: the notion that hedgehogs have trouble socializing with one another, because the closer they get the more likely that they'll hurt each other with their quills. Pretty sure that's not actually how hedgehogs work, and I'm pretty sure that's not Shinji's problem.

So far, all I really know about Shinji is that he doesn't particularly like himself very much, and he's adapted to his life in such a way where he just passively accepts everything that happens to him. I'm pretty sure this has a lot to do with the way his dad just sort of glares at him instead of interacting with him like a normal human parent.

I suppose, in theory, Shinji could find some common ground with Rei Ayanami, the other Eva pilot, but he just stares at her while she stares out the window. This is what I mean when I say this show is getting boring. Everyone just sort of keeps restating the premise. The world's in danger from these Angels, the Evas are the only thing that can stop them, and Rei and Shinji are the only ones who can pilot the Evas, so they're desperately needed, but they're also completely distant and isolated from the rest of society. This seems like a really major problem that someone should try to solve, but we're on Episode 3 and everyone just keeps staring at this mess waiting for it to clean itself up.

Let's talk about Shinji's school, because apparently that's incredibly fascinating. Yes, I sure am interested in school. Just the other day I was thinking to myself that there aren't enough animes about schools. They should make... a thousand of them, all set in schools, and everyone could wear the same clothes, even the ones that take place in the future, when you'd expect them to have come up with new social customs. Argh, fuck this.

After the battle in episodes 1 and 2, a lot of people just moved out of Tokyo-3, so it looks like the classes are nearly deserted, except there's a packed house once the classes actually begin. The teacher just happens to give a lesson on the backstory of this world. In 1999 a meteor hit Antarctica, setting off disasters and climate changes that wiped out half the human population. He doesn't get into the Angels, although if I understand correctly, the last one showed up 15 years prior to the start of this show, and the second one showed up in Episode 1. So maybe there's not much to tell.

Anyway, Shinji gets a text message on his laptop asking him to respond to rumors about him being the Eva pilot who saved the city three weeks ago. He says he is the pilot, and the whole class starts asking him questions, ignoring the teacher completely. Everyone thinks Shinji is pretty cool, even though he can't actually tell them anything about his pilot work, and he just sort of murmurs all of his dialogue like a drugged kitten.

Well, one kid doesn't like Shinji, because his sister was crushed by falling debris during the attack, and she's been hospitalized ever since. He blames the Eva pilot for fighting the Angel inside the city, and now that he knows it's Shinji, he punches the shit out of him. Shinji mutters that he didn't pilot the Eva by choice, so the kid punches him again.

Then Rei stands over him like the spectre of death and informs him that they got an emergency call. She says she's going to report for duty, but this is the last time we see her this whole episode. I'm pretty sure Rei does something in this show, but I don't understand why it's taking this long to get to that.

It's another angel and... wow. This is a serious downgrade from the last one. NERV mobilizes the Eva, which seems kind of obvious since that's literally the only thing that works. Apparently this is the fourth Angel, so the third must have been the one from Episode 1 three weeks ago, and the second must have been the one they talked about from 2000.

Misato remarks that NERV's commander, Gendo Ikari, is away, but what difference does it make? All he did the last time was stare at the monitor and smirk occasionally. I think they can manage without him.

Shinji wonders why he's still doing this when his dad's not around to see it. I get that characters don't always understand their own motivations. They're not always honest with themselves, or they act impulsively, or whatever. But I feel like if you put on a leotard to sit in the cockpit of a robot about to do battle against a giant monster, you ought to have some vague idea of why you're doing it.

Anyway, Tokyo-3 goes into battle-station mode, and Shinji engages the Angel, and... immediately goes to pieces. The Angel kicks his ass and severs his power cable, so now he's only got five minutes left before the Eva shuts off completely.

Shinji continues to take a beating, and eventually falls near his two classmates, who snuck out of the bomb shelter to see the battle. The one of the left is fascinated by this Angel/NERV conflict, and the one of the right is the kid who beat Shinji up earlier. Seeing them makes Shinji freeze up, which is impressive because I thought he was already freezing up earlier in the battle. What, is he double-freezed up now? How much does this Angel suck that it still hasn't managed to kill him?

I guess he sort of pulls it together long enough to keep the monster busy while Misato orders the hatch open so the other kids can get inside the robot with him for safety. Ritsuko objects to this, but Misato seems to be in charge, so she gets her way.

Apparently just having passengers on board the Eva can screw up its delicate interaction with the pilot, so this further disrupts Shinji's ability to defend himself. I thought he was already incapacitated from his initial fear, and then again from worrying about his classmates, and now this. Next some guy is gonna show up and stab Shinji in the throat just to make this extra difficult.

But then Shinji goes berserk just like he did in Episode 2, and he manages to kill the Angel before his battery runs out of power. So it all works out.

Three days later... Rei's still staring out that window. Thanks for coming out tonight, Rei.

Shinji hasn't been back to class since the battle, and the kid who beat him up before feels bad about it, now that he understands what Shinji's job is really like. His pal gives him Shinji's phone number to call him and apologize.

And he goes to a phone, but I'm pretty sure he chickens out for some reason. Or maybe Shinji doesn't answer. Whatever.

And that's it. Wow, that sucked. Business will probably pick up later, but I hope it doesn't take too long, because this really isn't doing it for me.

Misato does the next-episode preview segments and she promises "lots of fan service" in Episode 4. Yeesh.

[skyplant]

Honestly, I agree

I thought that our relationship with "new" old bros will be a little harder. Not like in original, bc MC much more capable protect themselves, but still, it was too fast, even if I mean fine with that, I still would like a little longer knowing each other /although I can believe that Mammon always will be our first friend//

But again, yeah, I want nightbrige a more dark, I hope that season two give us that .D

I mean, give us more conflict! I would like to see MC who more distant from those bros bc it's hurt to be with them, but still they NEED to be with them bc they need pacts and MC just suffering argh

/hope brothers saw that letter which MC wrote for them, I NEED ANGST

Not funny party at the end of season >:(

/sorry for my english and have a good day!

Exactly my problem with the new game. While I haven’t gotten past lesson 11/13 (I haven’t really touched it since lesson 14 released) there hasn’t been anything interesting since the reapers lair.

What I would of liked Solomare to do was have Lucifer spare MC but abandon them after the curse was placed and swear to kill them if they returned or something (like appeared around the rest of the brothers). It would have added extra (more like some) proper conflict and you could have a sub plot of MC having to run off a timer before the brothers could ‘marinate’ and become more demonic, meaning that MC would have to try and regain the pacts before they got too demon-y.

THEN AFTER they regain their trust without lying (as much as possible) we could have all the fluffy crap. Like come on, it took probably 17ish lessons for us to get that in the first game, it should be harder this time, especially with them all being freshly fallen.

And it’s also real weird how we get all the VERY intimate options so early in the game.

As you said, it would make more sense for MC to be distant as it would 1. Add more conflict, and 2. Would build tension to get to that conflict. Like imaging this, Asmodeus tries so hard for MC but they can’t be around him because of their emotional turmoil and THAT is what leads to the bath tub debacle where Asmo snaps and tries to go back to the celestial realm. OR MC could mainly interact with Satan because he’s so different from our Satan, and it’s like they’re 2 completely different demons, and that would build jealousy but also fix the entire bs that is there only being mean options for him. (My god do I hate the treatment of nightbringer Satan).

It would also bring on some really interesting plot line with Belphie, MC being the most distant with him because of their fears of lesson 16 repeating.

There is just so much missed potential because Solomair wants to give us “fluffy intimacy” just so they can take in more money!

Also your English is perfectly fine!

[doctorstrangeaskblog]

So my friend in college is mad at me because I'm too close to her crush but I literally just wanna be friend with him, but she's too jealous about it. She didn't know I'm only in love with you. Also he's not the only guy that I'm close to. I don't know what else to do with her. Do you have any tips for that?

....argh guys...I'm definitely not the best source for social advice...

Maybe she's trying to control things too much? So will she shield her crush from every single social interaction? That won't work and it will be unhealthy for them both. I am a very jealous guy and that's one of the things that ruined my relationship with Christine. We can't control people...we can't decide what others want and we shouldn't act so blindly based on our insecurities. I really don't know what you could do. Maybe try to show her doing that won't refrain her crush from potentially liking someone else. Or maybe just tell your friend to go and confess to the crush and start dating already if he's a nice guy. No reason to keep cooking the whole thing for so long- if she doesn't jump to grab the cookie, someone else will. And don't fall in love with me, I'm an asshole. I feel you would stop admiring me if you saw all my faults like how I can get distant and stressed and petty and arrogant while being aware I'm like that.

[k-odyssey]

Thoughts on tvn's Happiness (ep 9 & 10)

There's something very biblical about pouring your (pure) blood so that the sinners infected will show themselves? Or did the christian symbols get to me? It's a shame the sacrificial lamb got scratched and everything is a mess.

10 episodes and I still get surprised and scared when people turn. It's hard to consistently keep creating tension but they do it. It's also hard to make a show that requires tension that I won't find unwatchable, but they're also doing it.

Often the soundtrack really helps building up that tension, but here while he was walking around the room with his bloody hand extended, the silence was very effective. You could taste anticipation in the air.

I've said it already, but I love the foreshadowing in Happiness. There's some solid writing in there, and not just spur-of-the-moment plot twists. Like, did I find it very strange that the pastor was repelling zombies at the time? Yup. Did I consider the fact that he might be infected? Yes, briefly. Did I put that aside and kinda forget it because the writer redirected my attention elsewhere? 100%.

The fact that this one moment made the cop friend find god but had a scientific explanation??? I love that so much. I'd love more of that on tv pls.

There were also hints about the supermarket girl and I had not at all made the connection.

I looked up the writer and for once, it's a man. He did write WATCHER which I started and did not finish, because it had a definite lack of women and no romance. I don't know what he's been doing since 2019—well I kinda do, he's been living through a pandemic like the rest of us—but I like the direction in which he's taking his work.

The science feels a little shaky, but it's vague and in the background enough that I don't care too much. They don't do the thing where they keep shoving their "high tech" equipment in your face while speaking nonsense about DNA or whatever.

To get back to the important stuff: I wish Yi Hyun would tell the truth!!! He was bound to get infected, what with always jumping in to save the day. But even if it makes sense, I hate it. I also hate it because, and I hadn't noticed it at first but only after I finished episode 10 and thought about it, he's been more distant from Sae Bom since he got scratched. And I thrive on their intimacy so this hurts.

They're a team, and he promised he would say if it happened!! I know that it's his well-documented protective instincts acting out and he's doing this out of love but ARGH! You can't just sacrifice yourself without discussing it. Well, if you discuss it, it's true that you won't be able to sacrifice yourself cause she won't let you.

It's killing me that she noticed all the signs, but he knows her well enough to fool her.

I said last week that Han Tae Seok and Yi Hyun are similar and it's confirmed this week. HTS knew immediately that Hyun was infected, cause he probably would've done the exact same thing if it were him. I still think Hyun wouldn't go as far as manipulating others the way HTS does though.

I haven't said anything about Sae Bom yet, but it's not because I don't love her. She keeps being an awesome character, and I do particularly enjoy watching her when she's angry. If they didn't show her tender side, I'd feel differently I think. But she's both warm AND scary. She's magnetic, I see why Hyun made her his god.

Not sure what to say about the residents. I'm not feeling as indulgent as Hyun, thinking about them. It's amazing how quickly the apartment complex has become a lawless place. Also the ratio of murderers is way too high, even though the ratio of police officers in presence is also very high. We have a serial killer in the building??? What are the chances???

The actor playing creepy/evil upstairs neighbour is doing such a good job, my god I hate his guts. Shout out to the guy playing the lawyer as well, would you believe I keep yelling at his wife through the screen to strangle leave him?

Actually, they're all doing a good job. I also have unmentionable thoughts about the representative lady, although she looked genuinely devastated by her husband's death and for a moment there, I believed she was human. Maybe they're all too human.

The ending this week though?? You're gonna stand outside while someone is being killed so you can take their assets?? While a child is in there with a murderer?? This is reminiscent of the worst kinds of wartime stories.

PS: I think it's genius to have a countdown followed by a counter (?). Really drives the point home that there's nothing to look forward to now, we're just marking the passing of time and hoping there's an end to this.

[zuffer-weird-girl]

A villain is always a villain.

LISTEN. THERE IS SO MANY TRIGGER ON THIS THERE IS NO HAPPY ENDING OR NO FLUFF I SWEAR IS PURE ROTTEN ANGST DONT READ IT.

"I'm sorry sir. But even with your quirk, your wife would suffer immense pain over the procedure and die on the bed.... and... my sincerity apologizes... but she's got only one week."

He couldn't exactly describe what he felt when those words from the doctor left his mouth and arrived to his ears. He didn't had even know when he had overhauled his gloves and the chair he was in making him fall on the ground and come back to his senses...

Everything... was falling apart. If he was only fast enough to get the symptoms appearing... he could have prevented, it would have caused you an huge amount of pain but at least you would've have survived.

Why hadn't he noticed it?

Because he was living his dream.

Because you two married. Had beautiful moments together... and just about one year and a half ago had a son. A health kid.

He was happy. He even talked about it with Pops, and the old man suggested for him to leave the Hassaikai for a while to raise his kid on a peaceful environment, but he refused. Knowing Pops hadn't had any contact with that good for nothing daughter of his neither the possible granddaughter he had. So he could give the man some of his immensely gratitude towards him.

But suddenly... everything was falling apart.

First it was the frequent coughing, even your baby was worried but soon you waved them off saying it was just a cold. Chisaki fooled himself on believing on that.

After all he was so happy.

Then, your voice started to change to a more forced and rough one. He started to worry but no, no... his perfect wife, such a angel, couldn't be on any danger... it was just a flu. He would take care of her.

Despite having germophobia, his love for you was just as strong. He wore masks and gloves, sure, but he still was willing to spend time on the same room and give you the comfort you needed.

Then it happened... one day on his office... he heard the coughing fit and suddenly a loud crying from hsi son made him storm out of his office to find you on the ground, a paper close to your hand covered in blood.

He never drove so fast on his life to the hospital.

And now... there he was, staring at the ground as he clinched on his wife's weak hand on the bed with the machines attached to her. His son, as innocent as ever was playing with his mother fingers.

The chemotherapy wasn't enough. The quirks from teh doctors couldn't help her, he couldn't help her...

The nurses came in and told that visit time was over... he had to drag his sobbing and crying two years old out of the room.

His tears were falling as well, but he had to be strong. He had to be the oen who had to be a pillar for his own child.

Pops had to be the oen explaining to Kan the situation and why his father seemed so sad and distant. The kid entered his office at night, sniffling and looking at his father's eyes with his (E/c).

Kan cried himself to sleep on his father chest, and Kai didn't mind it the snot or tears on his messed up black dress shirt. The documents on his desk were soaked with his own tears anyway.

"You're making a big deal about this." Your weak voice interrupted his memories and he scowled at your weak serene expression and smile.

"Dont. Not with this." He murmured as he watched his son give his painting to his mom... he wiped your tears away as you hugged your Kan, kissing his dark brow hair as the little boy murmured his love for you.

At the next day at the evening you let out your last breath and he cried and screamed on the bed until his voice was gone.

.

.

.

"You have to sleep boss." He heard Chrono as he blinked, the bags under his eyes were huge as he sighed.

"I can't. I need to go after those debtors of the drugs and then take care of Kan. He hadn't been eating very well since..." he couldn't help but almost choke up at remembering.

"... how about this? I go after them? Spend time with my favorite nephew."

"... you have some of my gratitude Chronostasis. Dont let the old man know about this, he would never stop talking about it. We need the money and the respect we need."

"Got it."

"And dont call my son your nephew. Is disgusting." He spoke while exiting the office as Kurono snorted.

"I am his godfather though."

He sighed as he hot upstairs and found Kan with equal sad and depressed eyes as his starting at a frame he held with his tiny fingers.

"Kan." The kid gasped and put the frame back and bowed to his father with a sniffle "... come on. I guess, both of us could use some rest."

Kan simply nodded and followed his father but was surprised to see Kai picked him up and brought him to sleep by his side.

.

.

.

He felt something stiring on his side and saw his son leaving the bed.

"Bathroom." Kan muttered as Kai nodded and got up only to stop at hearing "No da. I go, you sleep."

This kid reminded him so much of you with this goddamn kindness.

He waited a few minutes until he got up and followed the kid, enough to not make a appearance and give his son some confidence but he still had only two years.

... or maybe he just didn't felt like leaving his son alone.

But just as he entered the hall he felt something hitting the back of his head hard enough to make him fall face plant on the ground.

"Restrains his hands! His quirk can kill you with one finger of his on your skin!" He heard a voice and immeditaly recognize one of the debtors, and also someone caging his hands on a manner he couldn't even move them.

Must be some sort of dicease.

"Now, mister sucessor." A man with a missed tooth crouched down to his level and grabbed his hair to lift his head to his eye level "We could use some of negotiating eh?"

He only glared at the man before he muffled his scream of pain when the guy slammed his face on the floor hard enough to make a bruise.

"Cooperate with us and then we will get out of here. You give the drugs and leave us with our money with a bit of yours, and no one gets hurt."

"Go.. to hell-ARGH-!" Something pierced his abdomen hard enough to blood to spill and land on the floor.

This had to happened when Chrono had to get all the guards to collect cash and Pops on a damn convention, of course.

"Wrong answer yakuza. I'm gonna make it simple for ya, where is the money you all have?"

"If you think I will give you information..." he hissed at the knife piercing more "Then you must be just as dumb as your parents on the thought of making you, you sick bastard."

His head was slammed on the ground and it was enough to break his nose... just as the guy was about to slam it again a sound of a door creaking open made his eyes snap wide open and look at the figurine with equal wide eyes and clutching the door at seeing his father layed on the ground.

"K-K..Kan...." he eyed his son in fear as sweat and hives started to appear on his skin.

"Daddy?" Kan muttered in fear and the man was smilling widely at the sign.

"Oh? He is your daddy?" Kai started to throw his body around and tried to move but only could scream at his son to run but it was to late since the guy grabbed the boy by his nape. "My, those eyes you have.. are they from your mother?"

Kan trembled as Kai shouted profanities at the man as his helper held him down.

"..Hm. I heard that your wife died man.. rough. Being a single dad and the future owner of this big hellhole you got here." The man made two of his finger fuse and form into a sharp kinda like knife and cut the cheek of the boy, making the boy flinch and whimper.

"LEAVE MY SON OUT OF THIS. DONT TOUCH HIM WITH YOUR DIRTY AND INFECTED HANDS!"

"Then let's make a deal?" He holded the kid down and aproached the object to the boy's throat. "The life of the son of the woman you loved is more worth than some couple of cash eh?" He chuckled darkly.

He was about to agree until Chrono opened the door with the eight precepts and saw the scene.

"Fuck-"

"KAN GET DOWN!" Kai manage to shout at his son the house was filled with shooting and the eight precepts attacking the subbordinates of the debtor who had held his son captive.

Chrono shot the guy who was holding him down and he quickly activated his quirk to kill the man and get up only to his eyes to widen at seeing his son being dragged down by the debtor and some other muscular guy as the kid screamed for him and kicked his legs to try to get away.

He ran out and was about to slam his hand his hand on the ground without any gloves until he heard the shout to stop and his eyes widen at seeing the man holding a grenade up and his son caged on his arm.

"PAPA!"

"One more movement and your kid gets turned into pieces along with us OVERHAUL!"

He panted in desperation and raised his hand up.

"G... Give my son back." The man laughed as his sunglasses, in the middle of the night using sunglasses what a idiot, fell down.

"LOOK AT THE DESPERATION IN YOUR TONE OVERHAUL! IS PRICELESS!"

The sound of his laughter dissapeared when all four them heard sirens and sounds of heroes coming.

"Boss, I prefer to die than to go to jail." The muscular man mumbled as the debtor gave a little sick giggle before tilting his head at Chidaki, looking him dead in the eyes as he hugged Kan close to his chest and pulled the trigger of the grenade.

"See ya in hell, Overhaul."

"KAN-!" He shouted and ran but teh explosion made him his body slam back on the house, losing his conciousness and hearing only the buzz on his ears and the sound of.. Pops? Kurono? Calling his name as he blacked out.

.

.

.

He woke up with a groan and immeditaly put his hand on his face, feeling a nasty scar but then repairing it but soon widening his eyes.

"KAN!" He screamed and burst out of the room only to be found at the hospital he was starting to hyperventilate until he felt a old and familiar hand grab his shoulder.

"Kai you-"

"WHERE IS HE?!" He grabbed the man's shoulders as tears fell from hsi golden eyes "WHERE IS MY SON?!"

"Chisaki please-" the moment the elder went to speak Kai eyes dropped on a a gurney, small with a sick person dragging her to the morgue... with a tag wrapped around her wrist that looked like a child's... written his son's name on it.

"No... No. no no nO NO NO THAT IS MY SON YOU FUCKING IDIOT DONT!" he was about to kill the poor nurse until Pops grabbed onto him and made him calm down by force as the man howled like a terrible and horrendous beast.

.

.

.

"Kai... stop with this. We dont deal with drugs."

"Chisaki we have rules to follow. That's not how we work around here."

"Have you lost your humanity?"

... yes.

Yes he did lost it. The moment his wife and son were taken away from him...

He wasn't a human anymore.

He had one goal now, and he would make it real.

Even if it meant the yakusa, the heroes, Eri... everyone suffered just as much as he had.

[sigurdjarlson]

how would tomgreg meet the parents go on both sides? tom w ewan and greg’s mom (forgot her name love you greg’s mom) and greg with tom’s parents. (bonus tom with greg’s dad??)

I feel like Tom’s parents would like Greg. He’s weird and awkward but he’s generally nice to people. They probably only care if he makes Tom happy

Tom seems like he probably has the best relationship with his parents out of anyone in the show tbh? We’ve never heard him speak badly of them and he’s absolutely thrilled to see them at the wedding.

(He still calls them mommy and daddy even like lmao) and they seem just as happy to see him. They call him Tommy 😭🧡 He also wants to go see them for holidays earlier in s1 but shiv keeps shutting him down.

His mom is his lawyer (this man is a mamas boy I know it) and he’s extremely distressed that “his mother is dying of thirst” on his wedding eve 😂 (and he had to carry a briefcase! The audacity)

But I could see Greg being kind of taken aback by how openly affectionate they all are with each other. He’s NOT used to it. His immediate family isn’t like that, The Roys definitely aren’t like that.

Like his grandpa as we know has the emotional range of a stump and his mom seems like she might have some of that harshness/emotional distance too

(I mean look at how starved he is for attention. That doesn’t just come out of no where. Marianne doesn’t seem like the warm and cuddly type. Not saying she doesn’t love him because from what we know I think she does. She’s just..her fathers daughter.)

But I could see Greg getting very attached to Tom’s parents if they did show him affection and basically welcome him into the family with open arms. I read a fic where he plays catch with Tom’s dad and argh </3 because he’s never gotten that from his own

It would go well I think. I could see Tom’s mom scolding him for being too harsh with Greg sometimes too. :P like she didn’t raise you to act like that Thomas.

Now Marianne and Ewan…

Well, Tom has already met Ewan in person at Thanksgiving. (I’m not sure the fuck your grandpa convo counts as a meeting but it’s definitely a horrible first impression LMAO)

He actually pisses Ewan off I think? When Ewan is talking about the war or whatever Tom chimes in with “I thought Canadians only fought on ice with hockey sticks haha” or something like that and Ewan gives him the dirtiest fuckin look lmao

He then proceeds to get more heated about his rant and Tom hilariously just looks at the ground after that like oops… (doesn’t help on the drive there Tom said quite emphatically “fuck your grandpa”)

But you know I think the dislike would be mutual and not just because he doesn’t like Tom. I think Tom would be bothered by how Ewan is with Greg. Look at his family and then look at Greg’s, you know? It makes him angry and I wonder if pushed if he might even say something in Greg’s defense

Or at least to Greg when Ewan isn’t around.

Marianne is a harder nut to crack because we know so little about her. She comes off rather distant and harsh on the phone? It could be because Greg is pissing her off in those moments but i think that might be her default state with him.

(I mean look at how starved for affection Greg is)

She does care about him though. She’s concerned when he calls her in the middle of the night (and then annoyed when it turns out to be that he lost his job on day 1).

And while she does refuse to give Greg money and I personally think that was cold..she does tell Ewan to feed Greg when he goes into town and mentions Greg is broke according to Ewan.

So I think she does love her son but like any Roy (ignoring she’s still a hirsch) she seems to struggle with showing it.

It’s interesting, she obviously was the one who raised him since his dad took off. Nic mentions he thinks she kind of sheltered Greg and held him back even and I thought that was an interesting tidbit. I don’t see it but if Greg spent a lot of his life taking care of her like he is with her debts..that would make sense. (Also “she’s a bit of a headcase” so she has some kind of mental health struggles. Maybe an addiction? We don’t know)

Greg shows quite a bit of frustration with her but he does love his mom. He pays her debts off. He gives her a card (and god I know the deleted scene doesn’t count but him panicking and saying he needs to call his mom during the “shooting” because he thinks he’s going to die? </3)

But on a less happy note than the Wambsgans + Greg…

I personally find the idea Marianne just immediately hates Tom kind of funny in a horrible way but she also would have a few understandable reasons to do so depending on how much Greg tells her?

Either way I think she immediately picks up on the weird vibes between them.

I wouldn’t be surprised if she had her suspicions Greg was gay. She probably didn’t care, idk why I just don’t think she would? (It’s his dad she’s mad at not all gay people..probably) But I could see Greg being terrified she would be so he hasn’t come out to her

They just don’t talk about it. I feel like that’s a thing with Greg. He just..doesn’t talk about things that really truly bother him. (Minor inconveniences yes but deep rooted issues like his dad? He never brings it up). It’s like if I don’t think about it I don’t have to deal with it. Maybe he gets that from his mom.

But yeah I could see her seeing Tom, a man married to her cousin and seeing he’s clearly infatuated with her son and THAT rubs her the wrong way. That reminds her of Greg’s dad. So, she’s just immediately like ugh I don’t like you.

Also let’s be real it looks even worse than it is on the outside?

Tom a man two decades Greg’s senior, his boss and a man who’s married to Greg’s cousin…

Depending on how much she knows or witnesses, all that on top of how harsh (and crude) he can be with Greg…I think any mother that isn’t heartless would be rightfully concerned?

If I was a parent I’d be concerned that it’s you know..it’s cruise situation esque shit. If only because he’s Greg’s boss.

However she does notice Greg is infatuated with Tom too and her first thought is this man is clearly manipulating and using her son. Maybe it’s for some business power play or maybe it’s just sex but she doesn’t like it.

Also Tom tries way too hard (in her opinion) to make her like him and it makes her dislike him all the more lmao.

And of course with Tom being married she’s obviously looking at her son and thinking he’s gonna get his heart broken. She doesn’t know how in love Tom is with Greg. She’s thinking he’s never going to leave his wife because she’s Shiv Roy and he’s gonna continue to string her son along until he finds a new boy toy to take his repression out on.

(this is all the funnier if they actually haven’t even started fucking yet but she’s convinced they are)

Tom is probably genuinely confused why she seems to hate him. Greg says she’s just like that but she seems civil enough with other people. He feels like he’s talking to a even more aggressive version of Caroline, her dropping barbs and what he highly suspects are thinly veiled threats.

Literally everything he does backfires though. He gets her flowers and she’s allergic. He offers to buy her something and she accuses him of seeing them as a charity case. He’s being nice to Gregand she’s thinking god what a fucking lech.

She does not like him. He’s going to hurt her son and while she isn’t the best or warmest mom she does love Greg. (And sheltered makes me think she does have some protective instinct in there). He’s her only son and she raised him alone presumably.

Greg is mostly confused and thinks his mom is just being ridiculous about the whole thing. He’s not in love with Tom? Tom isn’t in love with him? Wait..

Also..Greg mentions Tom has a dog (his mom likes dogs) but he foolishly mentions he’s penned up most of the time and as a woman who lets her dogs on the bed she’s disgusted. LMAO (Greg’s like jeez mom it’s Shiv who does that not Tom but she still blames Tom because she wants to)

And her Greg has always been a sensitive boy. Always so eager for affection she never quite knew how to give him.

Greg’s dad? Hm..it’s hard to say because besides him being gay and taking off on Greg we know nothing about him.

Did he ever try to contact Greg? Did Marianne put a stop to it maybe or did he just give up? Did he just walk away and never look back? Was he a good dad when he was in Greg’s life or a shitty one?

So it would depend a lot on what kind of person he is but I think Tom would immediately dislike him just because he’s a deadbeat who abandoned his son with his clearly unhinged mom in Tom’s opinion

Whether he’d like Tom idk. He might try to fuck Tom for all we know. He might hate Tom because he’s an obvious closet case who’s maybe stringing his son along. Who knows 😂

For all we know he could not care about Greg at all or be a major asshole. Hell, maybe he comes back into Greg’s life solely because he sees his son is successful now and he’s come mooching.

Maybe he does genuinely feel bad about leaving Greg and want to make amends.

We just don’t know and I want to know so bad!!!

[joheunsaram]

To Make A Power Couple - 02 (knj)

Chapter 2 - Pizza and Life Chats

THIS IS A REPOST SINCE I LOST ACCESS TO MY OLD ACCOUNT. PLEASE FOLLOW THIS BLOG FOR UPDATES ON THIS SERIES.

previous | masterlist | next

Summary- Namjoon and Y/N go on their first date, and Namjoon is whipped.

word count- 5k

pairing- idol!namjoon x ceo!reader

rating- pg13 for now

genre- series, fluff, eventual smut, strangers2lovers

warnings- mentions of hangovers and panic attacks, tooth-rottingly fluffy

a.n- okay here’s the second part! I wrote this up fairly quickly (don’t expect this to be the norm!). This part I wanted to kind of address the stress of overworking as a young adult (GUILTY 🙋🏻‍♀️) so sorry if it gets a little serious at parts. I also wanted to switch it up so it’s from Namjoon’s perspective. I hope you enjoy it. SOFT JOON BEING A BIG OLD SOFTY.

Feedback much appreciated! 💕

taglist - @beach-bitch-bitch-beach​, @sassyuniversitytacopeanut

-

Namjoon woke up startled as his phone alarm rang. He was groggy and his splitting headache made him nauseous. “I’m never going to drink again”, he mumbled. He groaned as he got off the couch he had crashed on the night before, trying not to trip over Taehyung who seemed to be dozing happily on the floor as he made his way to his room. He hadn’t stayed at the dorms in a while, preferring the quiet solitary of his own apartment nowadays, and with his hangover in full swing he felt like he was walking through a stranger’s house.

Last month was hell. He had procrastinated on his songs and none of the vocal guides were even halfway done before the due date. Every time he tried to finish a song a new one would pop up in his head and he would start on that, leading to a hard drive full of files labelled “finish soon” and “draft”, and a notebook full of scratched out scribbles. It was like his brain had decided to abandon him, deciding it had had enough of his perpetual melancholy. He had felt drained and burnt out, a husk with no creative juices left. Luckily, Yoongi and a few of the producers had taken pity on his stressed out state and lent a hand so he had been able to finish the bare minimum three days ago - before the label pressured him further. He was never more grateful for a small break.

In all honesty, he needed a way to jumpstart his brain, and get out of the routine of home, practice, meetings, studio, home. Sometimes, he almost wished he didn’t have the success he had so he could go out and let loose a little - a club, a party, anything. But the last time he went somewhere like that he got swarmed and the police had to be involved. He couldn’t risk that, not after the trouble Big Hit went to threaten media outlets a year and a half ago, when he was caught with what they called a hickey, but was actually a stress rash.

As he brushed his teeth today, however, he smiled at the mirror. Last month may have been terrible, but last night was one of the best he’d had in the past year.

When he had heard Bang PD’s team talk about how they were attending the charity gala as he met them for notes on his songs, he was intrigued. He had read about this non-profit in the paper before. They seemed to be helping bridge the gap between people through communication and that spoke to him. So much so that he had scrolled through their website multiple times, reading testimonials and almost memorizing the mission statement. They wanted to help kids learn English for free so they could communicate globally. He really liked the idea. It was hard for him to learn the language as a kid and he knew that the only reason he became as fluent as he is from the tutors his parents paid for and his obsession with American television and music. Although he didn’t need the tutoring anymore, he did enjoy talking to the in-house tutor at the company, John, from time to time and improving his skills. The fact that this company wanted to add a John to every school in Korea starting from the rural areas, made Namjoon want to meet the man behind the movement. Little did he know, he’d be meeting the girl who’d shift his idea of the ideal.

He had never been more glad to have convinced his company to let him and the boys attend an event. He had initially suggested it as a way to break the mundane before their comeback practices started and network while supporting a cause he liked. Two days ago, he wouldn’t have guessed it would have been an actual fun night leading to him nursing a headache.

He spent the next hour reliving last night as he showered and caught up on the news. He also read the messages he sent last night over a hundred times and had butterflies each time. Wasn’t he too old for butterflies? He wanted to message you again but every time he tried, he ended up overthinking it. Everything sounded forced or cheesy, and it was worse than any writer’s block. He threw his phone on the bed in frustration watching it bounce and land on the floor, before he grabbed it and pocketed it. Hopping around to get rid of his nerves, he decided to take a break from rereading the thread he already had memorized and check in with everyone. If his hangover was this bad he couldn’t imagine theirs.

Making his way back to the living room he found Taehyung now sitting on the floor, sleep still very evident on his features as he yawned and groaned. On the couch next to him sat Yoongi, holding an iced americano and staring into space. The rest were missing but he could hear a blender annoyingly whizzing in the kitchen.

“How’re you guys feeling this morning?” He asked as he sat across from Yoongi.

“This is why I don’t drink. Why did no one stop me?” Taehyung whined as he rose from the floor to leave, massaging his head.

“We tried. You were very excited to try all the disgustingly sweet drinks the hot bartender was making for you.” Yoongi replied with a sigh. “How was your date, Namjoon? You glad I forced you to go to the bar to talk to her?” he snickered, sipping his coffee before exhaling loudly in contentment.

“Honestly, I owe you big time. She was… amazing. I don’t think I’ve talked to someone that comfortably in a while” Namjoon sighed wistfully.

“I’ll add cupid to my resume,” he deadpanned. “Is she tolerating you for another date?”

“Yeah. We’re getting dinner on Tuesday, but I want to message her now. Argh!” He ran his hands over his face in frustration. “What do I even say? ‘Hi I’m the guy who was too scared to kiss you all night so you had to do it for him, what’s your favourite colour?’” Namjoon was annoyed at himself. It’s bad enough that he was having writer’s block in his music, did he have to have it for something as simple as texting too? This was ridiculous!

“Or you could just ask her how’s her hangover today. Jeez! Do I have to draft each of your messages? Stop being a dumbass and text the person you like.” Yoongi scoffed, clearly over Namjoon’s sudden and uncharacteristic insecurities.

Namjoon gave a resigned sigh as he reached for his phone and wrote out exactly what Yoongi suggested. Hey, he was his hyung for a reason - he had a full 6 months of life experience on him.

Namjoon: Hey! Hope your hangover is not too bad today.

As soon as the message was sent, he started getting nervous. Tapping his foot incessantly while he stared at his phone, willing it to buzz, annoying Yoongi enough to leave him alone on the couch in the process.

Y/N: Hi to you too! I actually don’t get hangovers so I’m doing great lol. What about you?

Namjoon: What do you mean you don’t get hangovers?

Y/N: I don’t know. Can’t get dehydrated if you’re always dehydrated!

Namjoon: That… makes no sense. Do I need to start reminding you to drink water?

Y/N: Only if you’re better than this app on my phone…

Namjoon: I can guarantee you I’m better than any app on this planet.

Y/N: Wow. Big claims! We’ll have to put it to the test I suppose.

Y/N: You never told me how you’re feeling. Oh and how’s Taehyung? Is he okay?

Namjoon: He’s doing fine. Made a pact to never drink again and if i’m being honest, I’m going to join him. I am shocked that your head is not exploding as well.

The messages continued easily after that, filled with updates of each other’s activities, playful flirting and even photos of dinner. By the time Monday rolled around, you had been messaging each other constantly, with no end to the conversation in sight and the only long pauses being when you were both asleep or working. It seemed like you would never run out things to talk about. Namjoon hadn’t messaged someone this frequently since he got out of his last relationship. It felt nice to relay his mundane day to day events to someone and he found himself excited to hear about your mundane, like how you decided to mix two different types of bad coffee blends to make a shockingly worse one. He was surprised again at how fast he felt comfortable around you. It was even starting to scare him a little - he only knew you for three days and it felt like he had known you forever! What was this weird spell you had on him?

The conversation Monday, however, was fairly sparse, and Namjoon was eager to set up plans for the next day, so that night he decided to call you.

After the first three rings, he was overthinking his decision. Maybe it was too soon to call? Maybe you didn’t like talking on the phone? What if it went to voicemail? Would he have to leave a message? What would he say? His inner monologue was quickly halted at the sound of your voice.

“Hello, this is Y/N” you sounded distant, almost too formal. He felt nervous.

“Hi… uh… this is Namjoon. Is this a bad time?”

“Oh Namjoon! Sorry I didn’t check who called when I picked up!” Relief washed over him at the change of your tone. “Sorry one sec can you hold on.” he heard you say as your voice got mumbled. He waited while he heard you talk to someone about proposals and deadlines. Were you still at work? He checked his watch - it was 10 pm. He didn’t know whether to be impressed by your work ethic or worried that you were overworking.

“Hi sorry about that! How are you?” He relaxed at your airy tone and smiled.

“I’m good. Are you still at work?”

“Yeah it’s only like 7 so it’s no big deal. I usually leave around 8” Were you serious?

“Y/N… It’s 10:04…” He was shocked at how nonchalant you sounded, and suddenly he had his answer - he was worried, not impressed. He had known you for three days and already you were setting his caretaker alarm off. He wanted to scold you for being careless and overworking, like he’s used to doing for the boys, but he knew it was too soon. He doesn’t even know why he’s feeling that way all of a sudden and tried to suppress his protective instincts.

“No it’s not! It’s…” He could hear your voice going further away as he imagined you moving the phone in front of you to check the time. “Oh shit you’re right. What the hell? Okay sorry I’m gonna put you on hold again.” Before he could say anything he heard your voice again, distant again but loud. “Oh my god. Guys, it’s 10pm. Go home! Why did nobody tell me? No it doesn’t matter we can do that tomorrow. Please go home. Pack up now! You too Siwon, don’t worry I’ll go home after I get off the phone. See you!” He smiled at the sternness of your tone - it reminded him of a teacher dismissing class.

“Sorry about that. I didn’t realize I overworked my team. Had to send the troops home” you laughed and Namjoon felt his heart flutter.

“I don’t wanna keep you from going home. I can call you back once you get there,” he offered. He felt bad that you were staying in an empty office on his account.

“Oh don’t worry about it. It was a lie to get Siwon off my back. I’m probably gonna be here till like 1 or something. I still have to get this done” you said matter-of-factly, like it was the most normal thing in the world. He knew that tone fairly well, having used it multiple times himself when he locked himself in his studio, running on nothing but coffee and energy bars.

“Okay I know we’ve only just met and we have our first date tomorrow, but do you want some company?” He asked before he could stop himself. The line was silent for a bit, and he felt self conscious, scared that he had overstepped and driven you away. Before he could check his phone to see if you had hung up you spoke.

“It’d be pretty boring for you to watch me just type away. Are you sure? It’s pretty late.” He was sure his cheeks would hurt from how wide he smiled.

“It’s not a problem at all. I was going to work tonight too.” He wasn’t. “We can just work together. I’ll bring food. Did you eat yet?” his words tumbled over each other.

“How very college of you.” He could hear you giggling on the line. “Now that I think about it - I’m starving.”

“Okay text me the address, I’ll be there soon.”

He had never been this excited to pretend to work.

He spotted you as he walked through the doors of the 13th floor, pepperoni pizza in hand. You were sitting at a long desk near the middle of the room. He was surprised as he expected you in an office, but he found you typing away at your desktop. Your hair was tied up in a bun and you were dressed in an oversized beige t-shirt, eyebrows furrowed head bopping to the hip hop track playing through the speakers. You seemed to be in your own little world. He felt like he was spying on you as he leaned against the door watching but he also liked seeing how you acted when you thought no one was watching. He was about to announce his presence when the track changed to a Childish Gambino one and you whooped and started to rap along.

You were now fully head banging and rapping the verse at the top of your lungs. He would be impressed by your fairly good amateur skills if he didn’t find the entire scene so endearing. His heart was doing somersaults as he watched you now fully engrossed in the song, typing forgotten as you got up and started to pretend you were on stage, an imaginary mic in your hand asking haters if they “eatin’ though”. You looked so adorable that he couldn’t help but squeal a little “cute!”

That’s when you saw him, eyes wide. He felt a little bad when he saw how embarrassed you looked, immediately stopping and slapping a hand to your mouth before bursting out in nervous laughter. He could write a whole album with that laugh. Oh he was so whipped, he thought to himself as he made his way to you.

“You know you’re not half bad!” He exclaimed as he set the pizza on the table, pulling a chair next to yours and settling down.

“Do you think your fake compliments will save you from the fact that you were spying on me?” you asked, crossing your hands across your chest, pretending to scowl but failing to do so.

“First, real compliment. Second, would pizza save me?” He opened the box and proudly smiled, loving the way your eyes lit up as you reached for a slice.

“Yes it will!” you exclaimed as you took your first bite, lightly moaning at the taste. “But erase that memory from your brain please.”

“Nope. Never. It was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen and I’m going to save it forever” he said as he also started on his slice. You pouted up at him, cheeks puffed and it took all the self-control he had to not kiss it off your face. He hadn’t felt this way in so long, it was like you were his first crush. Trying to control his pulse, he asked “What are you working on so late?”

“Oh I have a proposal due for a meeting tomorrow at noon and I’m only halfway through it,” you frowned wistfully at the screen as if willing it to type on its own.

“Can I help?” He asked, knowing fully well that he couldn’t. He just had an overwhelming urge to make that frown disappear.

“You being here is help enough,” you smiled sincerely as you looked at him and he felt his heart explode, a blush creeping on his cheeks as he smiled bashfully. “What are you working on?”

“I have a few songs I have to finish the lyrics for. Been procrastinating” he rubbed the back of his neck as he pulled out the notebook from his back pocket.

“Can I help?” you echoed his question to which he echoed your response grinning. He wasn’t lying though. Even though he had planned to not really work, as the night progressed he found the change from his usual writing spot inspiring. Sitting next to you, the sound of the keyboard clicking was soothing leading to words pouring out of him. He filled pages as he stole glances at you concentrating on your proposal, tongue peeking from between your lips, still bobbing to the music which was now playing from your airpods instead of the speakers. He smiled at the sight, before focusing on his notebook.

After about an hour or so of hard work, he finished three songs that he had allotted himself the whole week to do. This was the most productive hour he had all month. Antsy for a break, he looked over at you and found you staring at him, a hand under your chin. As he met your gaze you smiled.

“You’re really hot when you concentrate. Has anyone ever told you that?” you commented. He was taken aback by your remark, heart fluttering at your smirking face. Not missing his chance and spurred on by the comment, he scooted closer in one sweep till your knees touched and you were face to face.

“You’re one to talk. I couldn’t stop looking at you this past hour.” Gazing into your eyes, he was amused to see your smirk disappear as it was now your turn to be shocked. He reached out and tucked a stray hair behind your ear letting his hand linger, enjoying the way you sighed as he did. “Can I make good on my promise now?” He whispered, his face centimeters away, looking at your lips. The way you bit your lower lip made him want to take you there and then. The desk looked big enough. Hell, even if it wasn’t he could make it work.

“Promise?” you whispered as he watched your eyes flutter to his lips.

“To kiss you first…” Too impatient to wait for your answer, he brought his lips to yours, relishing how soft they felt under his own. He was thrilled at you returning the kiss, deepening it as you grabbed the collar of his shirt to bring him closer just like you did after the party. He was beginning to think this was your signature move, and he’d be lying if he said it didn’t immensely turn him on. He moved his hand cupping your face to rest on your neck and he could feel your heartbeat mimicking his. He put his other hand around your waist pulling you closer, wanting to be as close to you as he could get. He traced his tongue over your lips, his head cloudy with endorphins as you opened your mouth inviting him in. He had never tasted something so euphoric, his tongue exploring yours in a rush.

He could feel you pushing forward as he leaned back and allowed you to straddle his lap, your legs on either side of the chair. As soon as you were on his lap, he pulled you closer, both arms around on your hips, your chest flushed with his. He kissed the side of your mouth as he made his way down your jaw to your neck. You smelt like vanilla mixed with a fresh flower garden, and he was sure this smell was better than any drug in the world. He could hear your breathy moans as he sucked where your neck met your collarbone, licking to soothe it before moving further. He wanted to taste all of you. Your hands were in his hair and each tug made him groan into you, making him harder. He could kiss you like this forever. He wanted to save this moment so he could come back to it and relive it. He traced his hands up and down your sides, moving under your shirt but remaining on your waist, enjoying the feel of your soft skin.

“Namjoon… Namjoon… slow down” he heard you say breathlessly as he felt a slight push. He looked up at you, your eyes half lidded and lusty as you grabbed his face and brought it to yours. You were sending him mixed signals, but he didn’t care as long as he could keep kissing you.

“We have to slow down or I’m going to want to fuck you right here.” You whined as you both came back up for air, but you kissed him again nevertheless. Hearing you say that made him want to do anything in his power to make that happen.

“I don’t mind, baby,” he said against your lips, kissing you with urgency, biting your lower lip and pulling it gently to elicit another moan from you. To his disappointment, you seemed to have better self-control than him as you pushed him back, both of you panting as you struggled to catch your breath. He moved his hand back to your hips tracing little circles, feeling comforted by you smoothing his hair you had pulled earlier.

“There are cameras here. I’d rather not make a sex tape on our first date.” You giggled as you pointed to the black sphere in the corner of the room. He had never hated the obsession buildings had for security more, but the crudeness of your comment made him laugh. He had almost forgotten this was your first date, it felt like he had kissed you a thousand times before. You tasted like the relief of an awning in the middle of a summer downpour.

“I think we need to cool down,” you say as you climb off of his lap. “Let’s go.”

He followed you as you led him to the little kitchenette near the end of the room, unable to resist the urge to wrap his hands around your waist in a back hug. He knew he was being too clingy for a first date, but the way you giggled and put your hands over his gave him assurance.

“Lemonade, coke, or water,” you asked as you peered into the fridge.

“You.” He smirked kissing your neck, feeling bold off of the high from your makeout session.

“Joon!” you pretended to sound scandalized as you turned in his arms, smiling warmly. The nickname made his heart swell. It added a familiarity that he didn’t know he missed from you.

“You haven’t called me Joon before. I like it” he smiled as he pecked your lips.

“Hey! We are cooling down! No kissing! Now pick” you chided and Namjoon couldn’t help but wonder if you were this assertive in bed too, a million scenarios playing in his head. Okay, you were right, he needed to cool down.

“I’ll just have water, thanks,” he said as he grabbed the bottle you passed him, opening and gulping half of it. He hadn’t realized how thirsty he was for something other than you. You both made your way to the tables, sitting across from each other.

“So did you finish your proposal?” He asked trying to cool himself but failing as he noticed you running the cold water bottle against your neck, the beads of condensation dripping on your shirt. He cleared his throat as he tried to focus his attention on your eyes, a mantra of stay focused playing in his head.

“Yes! Finally! It’s perfect.” you smiled proudly and somehow he felt a wave of pride too. “What about you? Made any progress?”

“Actually yes. I kind of finished my entire week’s writing in that one hour” he was still amazed by his own progress.

“Okay, Mr Overachiever” you joked and he chuckled.

“To be honest, I didn’t think I’d be able to write anything, but I don’t know your presence is kind of soothing. It helped me focus.” Watching your smile grow wide, he continued, “I’ve been having pretty severe burnout this past month and it has just been hard to put down my thoughts, even non-lyrical ones.” He fidgeted with the water bottle as he looked at it, avoiding eye contact.

He didn’t know why he was telling you this. He recalled when he told you about his struggles as a leader during your first conversation. Somehow being around you led him to vomit out his feelings. It was… unlike him. Namjoon was usually not this honest on dates, or relationships, as much as he would hate to admit it. That’s the reason he broke off his last one. He felt bad lying to her about a busy schedule when he just wanted to be alone. She would have understood, she was kind and thoughtful, but it just felt easier to lie and not put the effort in to explain his thoughts. Even when they broke up, he lied and told her that it was because he couldn’t handle being in a relationship at the moment, when in reality things had cooled off a while ago and he felt guilty as his feelings faded.

He felt your hand reach out and grab one of his, intertwining your fingers. He felt comforted by the gesture as you rubbed your thumb across him before you spoke two words that warmed his heart. “I understand.”

“You know it’s hard to work at full speed all the time. It’s okay to not be at a hundred all the time. The valleys feed the peaks” you continued. It was a simple remark, but it sounded surprisingly poetic to him. He hadn’t felt this understood outside of the boys for a long time. It was refreshing. It was terrifying. He resisted his natural urge to run and hide.

“Are you speaking from experience?” he asked, needing to divert the attention away from his own vulnerabilities.

“Yeah. I had it pretty tough a couple of years ago. Too much pressure from myself, too many expectations. Led to too many vices and panic attacks” you shrugged as you continued and he squeezed your hand to comfort you. “It creeps up from time to time but my therapist and I have it handled” He looked at you in awe. You hadn’t given him a throwaway answer or switched the limelight back at him. You wasted no time in being as vulnerable as him, if not more. He knew at that moment that regardless of where this thing went, he wanted you to know you better.

“Thank you for being honest.” He brought your hand to his lips and kissed it gently. It was an intimate gesture but he wanted you to know how much he appreciated your words - how much he appreciated you - in that moment. You both sat in comfortable silence for a little while, playing with each other’s hands that were still intertwined, till one of you yawned loudly causing the other to giggle. With the weight of the conversation lifting, you both fell back into playful banter as you decided to pack up and call it a night.

“Do you want me to walk you to your car?” Namjoon asked, wanting to drag the night on longer despite it already being almost 2 am.

“Don’t judge me but I actually don’t know how to drive. I was just going to cab back.” he saw you giggle bashfully as you pulled your backpack over your shoulders.

“Oh, no judgment here! Me neither” he laughed. Why does everyone think it is such a big deal to not drive? It’s better for the environment! “Do you want to take one together? I don’t really want you to ride alone this late.” He rubbed the back of his neck, hoping he didn’t come off as if he was trying to dictate what you did.

“I’d really like that,” you said as you walked towards the elevators. He held your hand as you both got on, liking the way you moved closer to him at that.

In the cab you both sat closer than necessary, his arm wrapped around you as you both made plans for your scheduled date later that day, trying not to doze off. When the cab stopped all too soon at your apartment, he kissed you gently as he told you how much he enjoyed your company.

That night laying in bed, his heart felt full as he read your goodnight message. He was sure of it now. He really wanted you in his life.

previous | masterlist | next

[quirrrky]

Can I ask for a jealous reader & how the kamaboko gang reacts plus any pillar? pleease. thank you :)

HEADCANONS: Kamaboko Squad and Giyuu with a jealous s/o

Hello anon!!! I super love this request. It’s very cuuute and I hope you enjoy the scenarios I thought out. Feel free to drop more requests! 💖

tanjirou

It’s sure you’re jealous because Tanjirou’s kindness just overflows to basically everybody

Sometimes it made you feel so not special like you’re not his s/o or something

But you didn’t tell him this because you don’t want him to misunderstand

However, it’s Tanjirou we’re talking about…so no matter how hard you try to and hide it, he’ll def sniff it

“Y/N, you’re upset about me, right?” He’d straightforwardly ask, allowing you to explain it further yourself.

Tanjirou just wanted to hear you out if you wanted to tell him something if not, then he’ll respect you

Whether or not you told him about what exactly it was, didn’t really matter, he just liked to cheer you up

He’d hold your hand and look directly to your eyes

Looking up above the night sky, he’d point out to the many stars that glistened. “There are many of them shining out there. For me, they are all equally beautiful like that…”

“But you’re not among them…” He continued as he let you rest your head on his shoulder.

“Because to me, you’re the only one that shines the brightest at night.” He said as he turned his head towards the moon

Warmth filled you with his loving words. His statement was enough testament of how much he viewed you in a special manner

You responded to him with an adoring smile. “The moon is beautiful tonight, isn’t it?”

He responded with a nod and, “Just as you are.”

zenitsu

“Y-YN, a-are you jealous?” Zenitsu asked fully knowing why

Zenitsu’s a lover of the ladies…He’s a ladies man and attentive to them and their needs

This was what brought you to be very attracted to him

You’re his princess, his one and only

However, it didn’t help that he stopped hitting on other women ever since he met you, because now his sweetness towards you also caught the attention of other ladies

Now…even the village ladies knew his name and his gentlemanly ways

Ofc, he was very chivalrous towards them, as usual

Not that you’re being selfish…

But this new girl in town didn’t seem to know that and she continuously needed Zenitsu’s help on many personal occasions

And yes, you mind

You just turned your back at Zenitsu’s question as he very much knew the answer

He tightly hugged you from behind and rubbed his nose at the back crook of your neck

“Y/N~ Don’t get mad at me, please. I promise I’ve got nothing for her. You’re the only one for me and you know that.”

Zenitsu didn’t latch off from you until you loosened up and turned to look at him

“You’re the only one for me too.” You said, hiding your face on the plane of his chest

“Y/N!~” He crooned near your ear and whispered. “I only have my eyes for you. I’ll definitely let her know that.”

inosuke

Inosuke’s a tough guy and his strength can definitely attract attention

And the attention the other women were giving him, was not attractive for you at all

They mused about his toned muscles and that pretty face, like…who wouldn’t right?

But when they started to wanna touch him…

Welp, it’s a different thing…

It’s more different when he’d just let them

You know that he thought that he’s just showing his power to his underlings but…

C’mon, we all know that it was not what the reality was!

And yeah, you may try to play the mind game on him just for him to get that, eherm, you’re damn jealous

But Inosuke won’t get that…Like, what does jealous mean, after all?

So you told him, in a joking manner, that he looked better when he had his boar’s hide over his head and probably a shirt on

Inosuke felt that there’s a strong negative presence going on with you

You told him that you didn’t feel comfortable with other girls hitting on him like that,,,

“WHAAAAAAT?!” He reacted. “What do you mean? What is that?”

You tried to explain everything to him, but what he got was…

You’re sorta’ competing with those of the female species like…in the wild y’know…

“Argh! What are you feeling bad about?” He started.

Inosuke continued with how only the strongest woman can be matched up to him and that was you.

He kept on and on about it and even the passersby looked at the both of you

It was embarrassing but, yeah, it was heartwarming.

With a wide grin, he proudly pulled you close to him, “Those women surely got nothing on you!”

giyuu

You know that Giyuu was detached to most people and you know that you are the exception

However, at the very start of your relationship, it didn’t look like that

Because he looked like his #single self even when you’re together

You thought that he wasn’t a fan of PDA and took it in consideration

Giyuu was so mysterious, he’s damn interesting together with that handsome straight face he’s sporting

So it was no shock when a girl was obviously hitting on him

You just let slip though, because he’s distant and he let her know that

But when that kind of event happened often and those girls didn’t even consider you as his s/o…even if when you’re standing close to him…

You just know that there’s something wrong

Another girl bit the dust and now..you just couldn’t bear to look at what’s happening

You turned your head to the other side and avoided the scene

The both of you continued walking and you still avoided looking him in the eyes because you didn’t know how to exactly spell it out for him

You’re both adults…It’s embarrassing to say that you’re jealous…

“Y/N, something’s up with you.” He said in a simple and calm manner, but the little shift in his tone, gave away his slight nervousness

His gaze never left you, not even saying any word.

Regardless how much you try to avoid him… You still took time to explain to him what you’re fussing about

After all, you’re not jealous because he was being close to those girls. Giyuu kept distance from them pretty well

It’s more like he looked just as distant to you even when you’re his girlfriend

His eyes became softer the moment he heard you

You assured him that you know how much he loves you, it’s just that…you’re no longer friends anymore and you both are more so you gotta act like it

Giyuu gulped and averted his gaze while processed everything over his head

Still strolling, Giyuu suddenly pulled you by the waist and, without a word, placed a kiss on your lips. Shocking you and catching the attention of the bystanders

“G-Giyuuu!” You quietly reacted as you covered half of your reddened face in embarrassment.

“See.” He dry gulped and looked away hiding his embarrassing blush. “I’m not really good at this to begin with, that’s why.”

“M-Maybe…” You started as you held his hand. “We can start with something like this first.”

Your eyes met briefly but both of you quickly turned away, still shy from what happened

Still flushed, you heard him murmured, “I’m nobody else’s. I’m only yours.” Then, he tightened his hold on your hand.

[zmayadw]

Hello to all :)

So, before I run off for the weekend and from this unberable heat to my own little personal Duskwood (by which I mean a house in the woods :D ), I promised to someone I would post the epilogue to my story by friday, and I keep my promises :)

Anyway, I wish you all to have a great weekend! Take care :)

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 27 - EPILOGUE

And so a year passed. One year since Hanna was found, one year since I met my wonderful friends. And one year since the most beautiful blue eyes I ever saw stopped haunting my dreams and became my reality.

It's been almost six months since I decided to move in with Jake and make Duskwood my new home. It was the easiest decision I ever made. They all became the most important people in my life, and I couldn't even imagine a day passing without beeing close to them. We shared a bond stronger than anything. They became my family, and family definitely doesn't start or end with blood.

--------------------------------------------

„You said five more minutes. Almost twenty passed!“ Jake announces from the doors. „I know, I know! I'm done!“ Turning in my chair, I just stare at him. „What? Do I look that bad?“ he asks worryingly after a moment. He was wearing black pants and a dark blue formal shirt, wich made his eyes color even more intense. That always amazed me, their color changing from greyish-blue to such an intense blue, I got lost in them so manny times. „Maya?“ His words snaped my attention back. Getting up I smile walking to him „Oh, the opposite, babe. You look very handsome.“ He smiles back. Wrapping my hands around his neck and kissing him softly first, then pulling him closer intensifying the kiss, hinting him more than clearly where I'm heading with this. He moves away raising his eyebrow „Oh, no, no, no.“ „What's a no?“ I ask, biting teasingly at my lover lip. Groaning he takes another step backwards from me „Argh, don't do this to me, angel!“ „I have no clue what you're talking about.“ I say taking a step towards him, playfully twirling a strand of hair arround my finger. „We don't have time for this!“ „Oh, well then.“ I say dissapointed and with a sigh start towards the bedrom. Passing him, I take my shirt off droping it on the floor at his feet „I suppose I'll go get ready then.“ I could feel his lustful stare following me. I barely stepped into the bedroom when his hand comes around me, pulling me to him, his other hand moving the hair from my neck. His soft lips on my skin sent tingles all over me. „You are driving me crazy.“ He whispers to my ear. „And you love it.“ I hum back. Turning me to face him he grins „But just so we're clear, you are going to explain to my sister why we were late to the wedding. And I'm dying to hear what excuse you will think of.“ Laughing I put my hands around his neck „Don't worry, babe, I can get quite creative when needed.“

„So, tell me you two, what was it that made you almost end up late for the wedding?“ Lilly was looking inquisitive at Jake and me. „Yes, Maya, please tell Lilly why we were almost late.“ Jake grins at me. Oh, he is so gonna get it for this! „There was...an emergency with my dress.“ She snorts „Right, I'm sure there was.“ Flashing her the most wonderful smile I could make „Oh, come on, Lilly, don't be like this. Hannah just got married, we should all be happy.“ „You two are impossible. I need a drink.“ She shakes her head before leaving us. „Emergency with the dress? That's the best you could think of?“ Jake raise his eyebrow at me. I grin „Shush it. It worked..kinda.“ „No it didn't.“ He laughs. „Fine, it didn't.“ I agree. „Then next time, you think of something better.“ He chuckles „Oh no, I'm not letting you make a habbit out of it.“ Turning to him with a wicked smile and going for a kiss, but stoping so close our lips barely touch „Whatever you say, babe.“ Without finishing the kiss, I slowly turn and head for the bar. „You are killing me!“ he yells after me. I turn my head and wink, just as Dan shows up next to him. „Troubles at paradise, man?“ he asks him. Jake grins, not taking his eyes off me „Quite the opposite, man, quite the opposite.“

The cool night breeze swirled arround me as I lean on the railings of the terrasse. Watching my friends looking so happy and laughing makes me smile myself. Seeing them like this, no one would ever thought that a year ago their lives turned into a nightmare. Even if the scars of the past events might not be visible to the eye, they are there, imprinted deep into each one of them. With time, they will fade more, and become just a distant memory.

The scars on my body are a different story. They will always be there, a reminder of bad days. But that's all right, I don't want to forget anyway. I want to remember, that no matter what shit life threw at me, I survived, I came out of it stronger. And no matter what might come my way next, I will be all right. They are also a reminder of all the good things that came along with them – new unbreakable friendships, and love, the purest and strongest love. Non of it would be able to exist without all the bad thats happened.

A raven perched on a tree cawed, calling for my attention. His beady black eyes curiously observed me. It's caw echoes around me again, it's sinister voice carried deep into the forest. That sound was frightening to me, sending shivers down my spine, bad memories resurfacing with it. But not this time. With a smirk I look at the bird straight in the eye „Don't waste your time with me, you don't scare me anymore.“ The raven continued to stare at me, moving it's head from one side to the other, as if searching to find just a hint of doubt in my words. Unsuccessfully. It's wings flapped, it's caws echoing as I watch it fly away, getting lost somewhere deep in the forest. „Everything all right, angel?“ Jake voice comes from the doors. With a smile I move from the railing and turn to him, call of the raven falling more silent behind me „Everything is perfect.“

-----------------------------------------------

„Finaly! I was beginning to worry.“ I almost yell in my phone. „Sorry, angel, I just stepped outside a minute ago.“ „Well that took forever. At least tell me you have good news?“ I ask impatiently. „Let me pick you up, then we'll talk.“ „Oh, no, no, no.“ I protest. „I've been waiting for hours, I can't wait anymore, I'm going crazy here!“ „All right, all right.“ He laughs. „Sooooo, what's the verdict? Is it over?“ I was so nervous to hear his answer. „It's over, angel.“ I screamed so loud from happines, scolding myself instantly for doing so in a place that I was at the moment. „Oh, babe, I'm soooo happy to hear this!“ I laugh „You haven't called back for so long, I was beginning to play the worst scenarios in my head. I know Dan said I can ask him for anything, but I doubt he would agree in helping me busting you out of jail. With a mention of it being a federal one, the chances are even slimmer. “ He chuckles „Yeah, I doubt that, too.“ „Tell me, did they agree to your demands? Is your record clean again?“ „Let me put it like this“ he says „They were more then extremely satisfied with the results they got from the informations I provided for them, that I could have asked for an island and they would say yes to it.“ I burst out laughing „Well, owning an island is a new trend these days.“ He laughs back. „Jake?“ I say serious. „What's up, angel?“ „Do you regret doing any of this? I mean, this was something you were forced to do, and honestly, I don't want you to end up hating me one day for any of this. I know I asked you that before, but still..“ „Listen to me, angel. I would do all of this the same way every time, without hesitation, through a thousand lifetimes, if in the end it would mean I get to have you.“ A tear escape my eye, more threathening to follow „Gosh, don't you get me in tears, silly! Now, come and get me, so we can go celebrate properly!“ He chuckles „All right, angel. And where are you?“ „You don't know?“ I ask surprised. „Don't tell me you stopped tracking my phone?“ „I will never do that.“ I laugh „Good, then you'll know where to pick me up. Love you.“ „Love you, too. See you soon, angel.“

I know why I decided to come to this place while nervously waiting for news from Jake. First time he brought me along, there was such calmness radiating from him, just sitting here, in the same spot I am sitting now. I never seen him being more at peace anywhere else but here. I guess I hoped coming here would do the same for me. And I was not wrong.

Collecting my stuff I stand up and look at the tombstone that I was sitting in front all this time.

Here lies Anna

A beloved daughter and mother

You will be missed forever

„Don't worry, Anna“ I smile at the tombstone throwing my backpack over my shoulder „Jake will be all right, I'll take good care of him. I promise.“

THE END

A/N: All right, so this is it, the end. I want to say a big 'thank you' to anyone who read it! :) I had fun writing it, and I hope you had fun reading it :) And honestly, I am a bit sad it ended, but we all know all things must come to an end eventually. Anyway, thak you again, much love to you all :)

[sweeethinny]

The First Time of Three

I know I have a one shot of Ginny saying she’s pregnant for the first time, but I think this one is much better and I don’t know why I didn’t put it here

maybe I'll do two more chapters, where they find out about Albus and Lily, if you like it and want :) but if you don’t want to, maybe I’ll do it anyway :))))

part 2 | part 3 | ao3

Harry and Ginny had been married for three years - they lived together for five - so he knew very well when something was wrong. And at that moment, something was off the rails at the Potter house. It was a typical Friday, their apartment was the same way he turned when he left for work around five in the morning, and as a reward for going to train idiotic Aurors so early, Harry won the weekend off, as well as leaving long before nine. Ginny wasn't there yet, her training was over at seven, and the clock announced that had barely reached 6PM,  which gave him an hour to get the house in order and prepare a special dinner. The apartment wasn't too big, they had trouble finding one that could put a fireplace and chimney without looking crazy - the neighbors used the electric ones, but the Flu still needed the fire - and there, away from the Muggle center, near an old library and a Dutch bakery, they succeeded. They lived on the top floor, didn't worry about breaking the Secrecy Act (it was an almost empty neighborhood) and the neighbors were lovely. The lady in front thought Teddy was simply one of the most behaved and kind boys she'll ever meet in her 70s, and she always tried to give him cookies and other when Harry's godson went to the godfather's house. And the downstairs neighbor, a man not much older than him, clearly had a thing for Ginny, but Harry didn't blame him, who wouldn't? Moreover, he had never done anything but seem shy as she passed, or gave them good morning and good night politely - when only Harry passed by, Edmund made a point of also saying hello to him, sometimes bringing up subject matter about Muggle football, and the man thought it was a way to hide his platonic love. The décor of the house was also not bad, had a bit of both in each room, and Ginny even found beautiful cutlery that he had bought to display on one of the kitchen shelves - he didn't even use all the knives, however. There was a picture of the two in some picture frames, memories of their travels together, gifts that ended up winning at the wedding.. Harry considered it a beautiful and cozy house. Obviously, when they were going to have a child, there might not be the safest place, Ginny always reminded him; It was very tall, and the windows were absurdly large, there were many corners, the stairs were slippery and short, and a child, even more witch, needed considerable space to live, mainly not to explode in magic in front of muggles. That's why they programmed to try to get pregnant in two years. And Harry was happy about it. After finally putting the house in order - with the help of magic - and putting dinner on fire, Harry noticed what was wrong in that whole situation. Living with Ginny for four years made him know her in ways he wouldn't, unless he saw her on a day-to-day life. The way she tends to tidy things up too much when she's sad, or how she makes everything messy when she's nervous and angry. Not silly things like the sofa blanket or the shoes on the door, but personal objects that are usually organized so that they are easily accessible. And it's when he finds her quidditch kit all messed up, that he knows something's wrong. Harry doesn't remember doing anything to cause anger, it wasn't the last week of the month, when everything got a little rough and she tended to get tearful and implying, and there wasn't a big game for the next two months. His brothers-in-law haven't been breaking scary news or anything, he'd spent the last few hours with Ron, knew if it was something like that, and Hermione didn't seem to be in trouble either, and that had left him on alert. He didn't know what to expect. There was a noise in their living room, feet stumbling against the carpet and a bunch of 'forbidden' words being exalted by his beloved wife, that way that would make a sailor ashamed. ‘’God, Merlim, Harry!. You're here --’’ It was the first thing she said as soon as she saw him, her brown eyes tinned and looking a little pale, still half-soiled from flu dust ‘’Robards..He let me go earlier, maybe he had a little pity in his heart. If he has one’’ Harry came up and kissed her on the lips, still a little tense ‘’Alright?’’ He stroked her freckled cheek, trying to find out where the problem was ‘’Yeah, I was just surprised’‘ Looking over her husband's shoulder, toward the kitchen that was separated by a workbench in the living room '’Making dinner, Mr. Potter? Uh, what did your wife do to deserve this?’’ He went back to the other environment, taking another look at the chicken ‘’She kissed me this morning, when I accidentally woke her up at 4:30, instead of simply kicking my balls’’ The redhead laughed behind him, still looking a little pale and too dodging, sitting at the table and dropping her suitcase anyway (Which was another sign of trouble) ‘’She's really adorable’’ Harry nodded, picking up the wine and the glasses ‘’Ah... I.. erm, I don't want’‘ ‘’It's Friday. Do you want a beer?’’ Ginny denied it again ‘‘I don't think I'm going to take anything like that’‘ She made a grimace ‘’Stomach upset?’’ She complained about some heartburn last week, maybe that's it, wasn't it? ‘’Something like.. Well, actually’’ Ginny didn't look at him at first, analyzed her nails and sanded their wedding ring on her finger, seeming to think. For a moment, Harry thought she'd leave him ‘’I'm pregnant’‘ Harry sat down, taking time to put the glasses and wine on the table rather than simply drop them on the floor ‘’Oh, no wine for you then’’ It was the dumbest thing, but he could only say that. He'd be... Father? And as if it finally came into his mind, he embraced her. Harry had a few moments of epiphany where he understood that it was all over and he could move on with his life normally; when he asked Ginny to marry him, and consequently when they married. And now this. Talking about the desire to be a father was like when he wanted to kiss her as a teenager, a distant dream with stones on the way; his work, that of Ginny.. ‘’And your games?’’ They parted, she seemed a little less frightened ‘’I've been estranged, it's dangerous and it goes against the rules. I didn't even train today, I just signed the papers’’ Her glowing brown eyes made him fall to his knees in front of her, intertwining her fingers in his ‘’It's not fair. I'll ask to be away too’’ Ginny laughed, kissing the knots from her husband's hand ‘’Don't do that, Harry. It's your career’‘ ‘’It's yours too!’’ Argh, he wanted to do something about it, she'd be carrying his offspring for nine months... ‘‘I'd take my chances too... the baby can't live without a father’’ Harry didn't notice the gravity of what he had spoken, until Ginny fixed the look above his head, the tears pinioning there ‘’Sorry, I didn't want to...’‘ ‘’.. I can barely find out That I'm pregnant, and I'm already a weeping woman’’ And as only your wife would, Ginny complained, turning her eyes and looking angry ‘’I don't want you to walk away, really, it won't make me happy to see you stay at home. I forbid you..Besides, it's only nine months, and I ... Gwenog said I can always come back after the baby is born. She said that I will not lose my place.’’ Harry swallowed the laugh, his heart beating furious in his chest ‘’We scheduled for two years from now, Harry...’‘ ‘’I know, but. we're still going to love him, and figure it out in organizing everything’‘ ‘’The windows.. heavens, they are so big and do not have the sinst protection. And the stairs!’’ The two remained silent, swallowing dry ‘’We're going to figure it out, Gin.. Are you happy?’‘ ‘’For Merlim's sake, Harry! Of course I'm.. When I saw the result... We were such irresponsible teenagers’’ So they laughed, because for some reason, it was funny to think that they would have to face the problems Molly went through ‘’Ron and I drove a car to Hogwarts! Twelve years old!’’ Ginny nodded, messing with her love's hair, wondering if the baby would come the same. ‘’You're going to be daddy’’ And without much control of his emotions, Harry felt his eyes pinioning in tears too. Father. He had survived to that point where he would become someone's father. If for Teddy he was already an irresponsible godfather most of the time, being a father... ‘’Since when do you know?’‘ ‘’This morning. After you left I felt that heartburn again and when I complained to Mrs. MacLean, she told me it could be pregnancy, so I looked for a healer who wasn't going to spread the seven winds, and.. I was pregnant. A month and a half. On your vacation’’ Of course, after spending time away from home, that week they spent at home, enjoying every room in the house, they would have to result in something. ‘’I love you’’ Harry kissed her again, this time with all his being ‘’I love you too. Promise me you'll continue to love me, even if I get tearful and ugly’’ The man laughed, trying to imagine a world where he didn't love her ‘’I promise’’ But instead of a kiss, he got a slap on the shoulder ‘’Can you imagine me getting ugly?!’’ The two laughed, again, while she passed her hand on her belly still straight ‘’We will be parents’’. ‘’Yes, Mom’’ Harry smiled, happier than ever, feeling almost his skin tear.

When that he would imagine feeling.. This? ‘’The stairs and the windows...’‘ ‘’.. We'll figure it out, Gin’’ Guaranteed, the heart galloping in the chest ‘’I promise’’ And then, as if to do it millions of times, kissed her belly. Once again, he would appreciate it to be alive

[joheun-saram]

To Make a Power Couple (knj) | 02

Chapter 2 - Pizza and Life Chats

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Summary- Namjoon and Y/N go on their first date, and Namjoon is whipped.

word count- 5k

pairing- idol!namjoon x ceo!reader

rating- pg13 for now

genre- series, slow burn, fluff eventual smut, strangers2lovers

warnings- mentions of hangovers and panic attacks, tooth-rottingly fluffy

a.n- okay here’s the second part! I wrote this up fairly quickly (don’t expect this to be the norm!). This part I wanted to kind of address the stress of overworking as a young adult (GUILTY 🙋🏻‍♀️) so sorry if it gets a little serious at parts. I also wanted to switch it up so it’s from Namjoon’s perspective. I hope you enjoy it. SOFT JOON BEING A BIG OLD SOFTY.

Feedback much appreciated! 💕

taglist - @beach-bitch-bitch-beach​, @sassyuniversitytacopeanut 

-

Namjoon woke up startled as his phone alarm rang. He was groggy and his splitting headache made him nauseous. “I’m never going to drink again”, he mumbled. He groaned as he got off the couch he had crashed on the night before, trying not to trip over Taehyung who seemed to be dozing happily on the floor as he made his way to his room. He hadn’t stayed at the dorms in a while, preferring the quiet solitary of his own apartment nowadays, and with his hangover in full swing he felt like he was walking through a stranger's house. 

Last month was hell. He had procrastinated on his songs and none of the vocal guides were even halfway done before the due date. Everytime he tried to finish a song a new one would pop up in his head and he would start on that, leading to a hard drive full of files labelled “finish soon” and “draft”, and a notebook full of scratched out scribbles. It was like his brain had decided to abandon him, deciding it had had enough of his perpetual melancholy. He had felt drained and burnt out, a husk with no creative juices left. Luckily, Yoongi and a few of the producers had taken pity on his stressed out state and lent a hand so he had been able to finish the bare minimum three days ago - before the label pressured him further. He was never more grateful for a small break.

In all honesty, he needed a way to jumpstart his brain, and get out of the routine of home, practice, meetings, studio, home. Sometimes, he almost wished he didn’t have the success he had so he could go out and let loose a little - a club, a party, anything. But the last time he went somewhere like that he got swarmed and the police had to be involved. He couldn’t risk that, not after the trouble Big Hit went to threaten media outlets a year and a half ago, when he was caught with what they called a hickey, but was actually a stress rash. 

As he brushed his teeth today, he smiled at the mirror. Last month may have been terrible, but last night was one of the best he’d had in the past year. 

When he had heard Bang PD’s team talk about how they were attending the charity gala as he met them for notes on his songs, he was intrigued. He had read about this non-profit in the paper before. They seemed to be helping bridge the gap between people through communication and that spoke to him. So much so that he had scrolled through their website multiple times, reading testimonials and almost memorizing the mission statement. They wanted to help kids learn English for free so they could communicate globally. He really liked the idea. It was hard for him to learn the language as a kid and he knew that the only reason he became as fluent as he is from the tutors his parents paid for and his obsession with American television and music. Although he doesn’t need the tutoring anymore, he does enjoy talking to the in-house tutor at the company, John, from time to time and improving his skills. The fact that this company wanted to add a John to every school in Korea starting from the rural areas, made Namjoon want to meet the man behind the movement. Little did he know, he’d be meeting the girl who’d shift his idea of the ideal.

He had never been more glad to have convinced his company to let him and the boys attend an event. He had initially suggested it as a way to break the mundane before their comeback practices started and network while supporting a cause he liked. Two days ago, he wouldn’t have guessed it would be an actual fun night leading to him nursing a headache.

He spent the next hour reliving last night as he showered and caught up on the news. He also read the messages he sent last night over a hundred times and had butterflies each time. Wasn’t he too old for butterflies? He wanted to message you again but everytime he tried, he ended up overthinking it. Everything sounded forced or cheesy, and it was worse than any writer’s block. He threw his phone on the bed in frustration watching it bounce and land on the floor, before he grabbed it and pocketed it. Hopping around to get rid of his nerves, he decided to take a break from rereading the thread he already had memorized and check in with everyone. If his hangover was this bad he can’t imagine theirs.

Making his way back to the living room he found Taehyung now sitting on the floor, sleep still very evident on his features as he yawned and groaned. On the couch next to him sat Yoongi, holding an iced americano and staring into space. The rest were missing but he could hear a blender annoyingly whizzing in the kitchen.

“How’re you guys feeling this morning?” He asked as he sat across from Yoongi.

“This is why I don’t drink. Why did no one stop me?” Taehyung whined as he rose from the floor to leave, massaging his head. 

“We tried. You were very excited to try all the disgustingly sweet drinks the hot bartender was making for you.” Yoongi replied with a sigh. “How was your date, Namjoon? You glad I forced you to go to the bar to talk to her?” he snickered, sipping his coffee before exhaling loudly in contentment.

“Honestly, I owe you big time. She was… amazing. I don’t think I’ve talked to someone that comfortably in a while” Namjoon sighed wistfully.

“I’ll add cupid to my resume,” he deadpanned. “Is she tolerating you for another date?”

“Yeah. We’re getting dinner on Tuesday, but I want to message her now. Argh!” He ran his hands over his face in frustration. “What do I even say? ‘Hi I’m the guy who was too scared to kiss you all night so you had to do it for him, what’s your favourite colour?’” Namjoon was annoyed at himself. It’s bad enough that he was having writer’s block in his music, did he have to have it for something as simple as texting too? This was ridiculous.

“Or you could just ask her how’s her hangover today. Jeez. Do I have to draft each of your messages? Stop being a dumbass and text the person you like.” Yoongi scoffed, clearly over Namjoon’s sudden and uncharacteristic insecurities.

Namjoon gave a resigned sigh as he reached for his phone and wrote out exactly what Yoongi suggested. Hey, he was his hyung for a reason - he had a full 6 months of life experience on him.

Namjoon: Hey! Hope your hangover is not too bad today.

As soon as the message was sent, he started getting nervous. Tapping his foot incessantly while staring at his phone, willing it to buzz, annoying Yoongi enough to leave him alone on the couch in the process.

Y/N: Hi to you too! I actually don’t get hangovers so I’m doing great lol. What about you?

Namjoon: What do you mean you don’t get hangovers?

Y/N: I don’t know. Can’t get dehydrated if you’re always dehydrated!

Namjoon: That… makes no sense. Do I need to start reminding you to drink water?

Y/N: Only if you’re better than this app on my phone…

Namjoon: I can guarantee you I’m better than any app on this planet.

Y/N: Wow. Big claims! We’ll have to put it to the test I suppose.

Y/N: You never told me how you’re feeling. Oh and how’s Taehyung? Is he okay?

Namjoon: He’s doing fine. Made a pact to never drink again and if i’m being honest, I’m going to join him. I am shocked that your head is not exploding as well.

The messages continued easily after that, filled with updates of each other’s activities, playful flirting and even photos of dinner. By the time Monday rolled around, you had been messaging each other constantly, with no end to the conversation in sight and the only long pauses being when you were both asleep or working. It seemed like you would never run out things to talk about. Namjoon hadn’t messaged someone this frequently since he got out of his last relationship. It felt nice to relay his mundane day to day events to someone and he found himself excited to hear about your mundane, like how you decided to mix two different types of bad coffee blends to make a shockingly worse one. He was surprised again at how fast he felt comfortable around you. It was even starting to scare him a little - he only knew you for three days and it felt like he had known you forever! What was this weird spell you had on him?

The conversation Monday, however, was fairly sparse, and Namjoon was eager to set up plans for the next day, so that night he decided to call you.

After the first three rings, he was overthinking his decision. Maybe it was too soon to call? Maybe you didn’t like talking on the phone? What if it went to voicemail? Would he have to leave a message? What would he say? His inner monologue was quickly halted at the sound of your voice.

“Hello, this is Y/N” you sounded distant, almost too formal. He felt nervous.

“Hi… uh... this is Namjoon. Is this a bad time?”

“Oh Namjoon! Sorry I didn’t check who called when I picked up!” Relief washed over him at the change of your tone. “Sorry one sec can you hold on.” he heard you say as your voice got mumbled. He waited while he heard you talk to someone about proposals and deadlines. Were you still at work? He checked his watch - it was 10 pm. He didn’t know whether to be impressed by your work ethic or worried that you were overworking.

“Hi sorry about that! How are you?” He relaxed at your airy tone and smiled.

“I’m good. Are you still at work?”

“Yeah it’s only like 7 so it’s no big deal. I usually leave around 8” Were you serious?

“Y/N… It’s 10:04…” He was shocked at how nonchalant you sounded, and suddenly he had his answer - he was worried, not impressed. He had known you for three days and already you were setting his caretaker alarm off. He wanted to scold you for being careless and overworking, like he’s used to doing for the boys, but he knew it was too soon. He doesn’t even know why he’s feeling that way all of a sudden and tried to suppress his protective instincts.

“No it’s not! It’s…” He could hear your voice going further away as he imagined you moving the phone in front of you to check the time. “Oh shit you’re right. What the hell? Okay sorry I’m gonna put you on hold again.” Before he could say anything he heard your voice again, distant again but loud. “Oh my god. Guys, it’s 10pm. Go home! Why did nobody tell me? No it doesn’t matter we can do that tomorrow. Please go home. Pack up now! You too Siwon, don’t worry I’ll go home after I get off the phone. See you!” He smiled at the sternness of your tone - it reminded him of a teacher dismissing class.

“Sorry about that. I didn’t realize I overworked my team. Had to send the troops home” you laughed and Namjoon felt his heart flutter. 

“I don’t wanna keep you from going home. I can call you back once you get there” he offered. He felt bad that you were staying in an empty office on his account.

“Oh don’t worry about it. It was a lie to get Siwon off my back. I’m probably gonna be here till like 1 or something. I still have to get this done” you said matter-of-factly, like it was the most normal thing in the world. He knew that tone fairly well, having used it multiple times himself when he locked himself in his studio, running on nothing but coffee and energy bars.

“Okay I know we’ve only just met and we have our first date tomorrow, but do you want some company?” He asked before he could stop himself. The line was silent for a bit, and he felt self conscious, scared that he had overstepped and driven you away. Before he could check his phone to see if you had hung up you spoke.

“It’d be pretty boring for you to watch me just type away. Are you sure? It’s pretty late.” He was sure his cheeks would hurt from how wide he smiled.

“It’s not a problem at all. I was going to work tonight too.” He wasn’t. “We can just work together. I’ll bring food. Did you eat yet?” his words tumbled over each other.

“How very college of you.” He could hear you giggling on the line. “Now that I think about it - I’m starving.”

“Okay text me the address, I’ll be there soon.”

He had never been this excited to pretend to work.

  ____________________________

He spotted you as he walked through the doors of the 13th floor, pepperoni pizza in hand. You were sitting at a long desk near the middle of the room. He was surprised as he expected you in an office, but he found you typing away at your desktop. Your hair was tied up in a bun and you were dressed in an oversized beige t-shirt, eyebrows furrowed head bopping to the hip hop track playing through the speakers. You seemed to be in your own little world. He felt like he was spying on you as he leaned against the door watching but he also liked seeing how you acted when you thought no one was watching. He was about to announce his presence when the track changed to a Childish Gambino one and you whooped and started to rap along.

You were now fully head banging and rapping the verse at the top of your lungs. He would be impressed by your fairly good amateur skills if he didn’t find the entire scene so endearing. His heart was doing somersaults as he watched you now fully engrossed in the song, typing forgotten as you got up and started to pretend you were on stage, an imaginary mic in your hand asking haters if they “eatin’ though”. You looked so adorable that he couldn’t help but squeal a little “cute!”

That’s when you saw him, eyes wide. He felt a little bad when he saw how embarrassed you looked, immediately stopping and slapping a hand to your mouth before bursting out in nervous laughter. He could write a whole album with that laugh. Oh he was so whipped, he thought to himself as he made his way to you.

“You know you’re not half bad!” He exclaimed as he set the pizza on the table, pulling a chair next to yours and settling down.

“Do you think your fake compliments will save you from the fact that you were spying on me?” you asked, crossing your hands across your chest, pretending to scowl but failing to.

“First, real compliment. Second, would pizza save me?” He opened the box and proudly smiled, loving the way your eyes lit up as you reached for a slice.

“Yes it will!” you exclaimed as you took your first bite, lightly moaning at the taste. “But erase that memory from your brain please.”

“Nope. Never. It was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen and I’m going to save it forever” he said as he also started on his slice. You pouted up at him, cheeks puffed and it took all the self-control he had to not kiss it off your face. He hadn’t felt this way in so long, it was like you were his first crush. Trying to control his pulse, he asked “What are you working on so late?”

“Oh I have a proposal due for a meeting tomorrow at noon and I’m only halfway through it.” you frowned wistfully at the screen as if willing it to type on its own.

“Can I help?” He asked, knowing fully well that he couldn’t. He just had an overwhelming urge to make that frown disappear.

“You being here is help enough,” you smiled sincerely as you looked at him and he felt his heart explode, a blush creeping on his cheeks as he smiled bashfully. “What are you working on?”

“I have a few songs I have to finish the lyrics for. Been procrastinating” he rubbed the back of his neck as he pulled out the notebook from his back pocket.

“Can I help?” you echoed his question to which he echoed your response grinning. He wasn’t lying though. Even though he had planned to not really work, as the night progressed he found the change from his usual writing spot inspiring. Sitting next to you, the sound of the keyboard clicking was soothing leading to words pouring out of him. He filled pages as he stole glances at you concentrating on your proposal, tongue peeking from between your lips, still bobbing to the music which was now playing from your airpods instead of the speakers. He smiled at the sight, before focusing on his notebook.

After about an hour or so of hard work, he finished three songs that he had allotted himself the whole week to do. This was the most productive hour he had all month. Antsy for a break, he looked over at you and found you staring at him, a hand under your chin. As he met your gaze you smiled.

“You’re really hot when you concentrate. Has anyone ever told you that?” you commented. He was taken aback by your remark, heart fluttering at your smirking face. Not missing his chance and spurred on by the comment, he scooted closer in one sweep till your knees touched and you were face to face.

“You’re one to talk. I couldn’t stop looking at you this past hour.” Gazing into your eyes, he was amused to see your smirk disappear as it was now your turn to be shocked. He reached out and tucked a stray hair behind your ear letting his hand linger, enjoying the way you sighed as he did. “Can I make good on my promise now?” He whispered, his face centimeters away, looking at your lips. The way you bit your lower lip made him want to take you there and then. The desk looked big enough. Hell, even if it wasn’t he could make it work.

“Promise?” you whispered as he watched your eyes flutter to his lips.

“To kiss you first...” Too impatient to wait for your answer, he brought his lips to yours, relishing how soft they felt under his own. He was thrilled at you returning the kiss, deepening it as you grabbed the collar of his shirt to bring him closer just like you did after the party. He was beginning to think this was your signature move, and he’d be lying if he said it didn’t immensely turn him on. He moved his hand cupping your face to rest on your neck and he could feel your heartbeat mimicking his. He put his other hand around your waist pulling you closer, wanting to be as close to you as he could get. He traced his tongue over your lips, his head cloudy with endorphins as you opened your mouth inviting him in. He had never tasted something so euphoric, his tongue exploring yours in a rush.

He could feel you pushing forward as he leaned back and allowed you to straddle his lap, your legs on either side of the chair. As soon as you were on his lap, he pulled you closer, both arms around on your hips, your chest flushed with his. He kissed the side of your mouth as he made his way down your jaw to your neck. You smelt like vanilla mixed with a fresh flower garden, and he was sure this smell was better than any drug in the world. He could hear your breathy moans as he sucked where your neck met your collarbone, licking to soothe it before moving further. He wanted to taste all of you. Your hands were in his hair and each tug made him groan into you, making him harder. He could kiss you like this forever. He wanted to save this moment so he could come back to it and relive it. He traced his hands up and down your sides, moving under your shirt but remaining on your waist, enjoying the feel of your soft skin.

“Namjoon… Namjoon... slow down” he heard you say breathlessly as he felt a slight push. He looked up at you, your eyes half lidded and lusty as you grabbed his face and brought it to yours. You were sending him mixed signals, but he didn’t care as long as he could keep kissing you.

“We have to slow down or I’m going to want to fuck you right here.” You whined as you both came back up for air, but you kissed him again nevertheless. Hearing you say that made him want to do anything in his power to make that happen.

“I don’t mind, baby,” he said against your lips, kissing you with urgency, biting your lower lip and pulling it gently to elicit another moan from you. To his disappointment, you seemed to have better self-control than him as you pushed him back, both of you panting as you struggled to catch your breath. He moved his hand back to your hips tracing little circles, feeling comforted by you smoothing his hair you had pulled earlier.

“There are cameras here. I’d rather not make a sex tape on our first date.” You giggled as you pointed to the black sphere in the corner of the room. He had never hated the obsession buildings had for security more, but the crudeness of your comment made him laugh. He had almost forgotten this was your first date, it felt like he had kissed you a thousand times before. You tasted like the relief of an awning in the middle of a summer downpour.

“I think we need to cool down,” you say as you climb off of his lap. “Let’s go.”

He followed you as you led him to the little kitchenette near the end of the room, unable to resist the urge to wrap his hands around your waist in a back hug. He knew he was being too clingy for a first date, but the way you giggled and put your hands over his gave him assurance.

“Lemonade, coke, or water,” you asked as you peered into the fridge.

“You.” He smirked kissing your neck, feeling bold off of the high from your makeout session. 

“Joon!” you pretended to sound scandalized as you turned in his arms, smiling warmly. The nickname made his heart swell. It added a familiarity that he didn’t know he missed from you.

“You haven’t called me Joon before. I like it” he smiled as he pecked your lips.

“Hey! We are cooling down! No kissing! Now pick” you chided and Namjoon couldn’t help but wonder if you were this assertive in bed too, a million scenarios playing in his head. Okay, you were right, he needed to cool down.

“I’ll just have water, thanks,” he said as he grabbed the bottle you passed him, opening and gulping half of it. He hadn’t realized how thirsty he was for something other than you. You both made your way to the tables, sitting across from each other.

“So did you finish your proposal?” He asked trying to cool himself but failing as he noticed you running the cold water bottle against your neck, the beads of condensation dripping on your shirt. He cleared his throat as he tried to focus his attention on your eyes, a mantra of stay focused playing in his head.

“Yes! Finally! It’s perfect.” you smiled proudly and somehow he felt a wave of pride too. “What about you? Made any progress?”

“Actually yes. I kind of finished my entire week’s writing in that one hour” he was still amazed by his own progress.

“Okay, Mr Overachiever” you joked and he chuckled.

“To be honest, I didn’t think I’d be able to write anything, but I don’t know your presence is kind of soothing. It helped me focus.” Watching your smile grow wide, he continued, “I’ve been having pretty severe burnout this past month and it has just been hard to put down my thoughts, even non-lyrical ones.” He fidgeted with the water bottle as he looked at it, avoiding eye contact.

He didn’t know why he was telling you this. He recalled when he told you about his struggles as a leader during your first conversation. Somehow being around you led him to vomit out his feelings. It was… unlike him. Namjoon was usually not this honest on dates, or relationships, as much as he would hate to admit it. That’s the reason he broke off his last one. He felt bad lying to her about a busy schedule when he just wanted to be alone. She would have understood, she was kind and thoughtful, but it just felt easier to lie and not put the effort in to explain his thoughts. Even when they broke up, he lied and told her that it was because he couldn’t handle being in a relationship at the moment, when in reality things had cooled off a while ago and he felt guilty as his feelings faded.

He felt your hand reach out and grab one of his, intertwining your fingers. He felt comforted by the gesture as you rubbed your thumb across him before you spoke two words that warmed his heart. “I understand.”

“You know it’s hard to work at full speed all the time. It’s okay to not be at a hundred all the time. The valleys feed the peaks” you continued. It was a simple remark, but it sounded surprisingly poetic to him. He hadn’t felt this understood outside of the boys for a long time. It was refreshing. It was terrifying. He resisted his natural urge to run and hide.

“Are you speaking from experience?” he asked, needing to divert the attention away from his own vulnerabilities.

“Yeah. I had it pretty tough a couple of years ago. Too much pressure from myself, too many expectations. Led to too many vices and panic attacks” you shrugged as you continued and he squeezed your hand to comfort you. “It creeps up from time to time but my therapist and I have it handled” He looked at you in awe. You hadn’t given him a throwaway answer or switched the limelight back at him. You wasted no time in being as vulnerable as him, if not more. He knew at that moment that regardless of where this thing went, he wanted you to know you better.

“Thank you for being honest.” He brought your hand to his lips and kissed it gently. It was an intimate gesture but he wanted you to know how much he appreciated your words - how much he appreciated you - in that moment. You both sat in comfortable silence for a little while, playing with each other’s hands that were still intertwined, till one of you yawned loudly causing the other to giggle. With the weight of the conversation lifting, you both fell back into playful banter as you decided to pack up and call it a night.

“Do you want me to walk you to your car?” Namjoon asked, wanting to drag the night on longer despite it already being almost 2 am.

“Don’t judge me but I actually don’t know how to drive. I was just going to cab back.” he saw you giggle bashfully as you pulled your backpack over your shoulders.

“Oh, no judgment here! Me neither” he laughed. Why does everyone think it is such a big deal to not drive? It’s better for the environment! “Do you want to take one together? I don’t really want you to ride alone this late.” He rubbed the back of his neck, hoping he didn’t come off as if he was trying to dictate what you did.

“I’d really like that,” you said as you walked towards the elevators. He held your hand as you both got on, liking the way you moved closer to him at that. 

In the cab you both sat closer than necessary, his arm wrapped around you as you both made plans for your scheduled date later that day, trying not to doze off. When the cab stopped all too soon at your apartment, he kissed you gently as he told you how much he enjoyed your company.

That night laying in bed, his heart felt full as he read your goodnight message. He was sure of it now. He really wanted you in his life.

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[soveryanon]

Reviewing time for MAG191!

- Martin and Jon were sleeping together, or close to each other… Not a surprise, but eh, it’s the first time we heard them sleep!

(Sound-wise, I heard the bag jostle on multiple occasions when Martin was moving – including when he jolted awake. Does it mean he was sleeping with the bag on, ready to run away with Jon in case of sudden danger…?)

- Sobbing a bit about Martin’s bad dreams – he also had those back at the Cabin, at the beginning of the season, and Jon had pointed out, back then, that he couldn’t really sleep:

(MAG161) MARTIN: You should get some sleep. [CREAKING SOUND] ARCHIVIST: I… [SIGH] can’t. I–I–I can’t, I–I don’t think I do anymore… “Sleep”. [EXHALE] How long’s it been, now? MARTIN: I don’t know. It’s not like there are days to count anymore. All the clocks have stopped, and… [DISTANT HOWL] ARCHIVIST: Well, I haven’t yet. I get… tired, but it doesn’t feel the same. [WOODEN CREAKING SOUND] Probably for the best. Sleep doesn’t look… pleasant. MARTIN: Nnno, it’s… it’s not. ARCHIVIST: I couldn’t wake you. […] MARTIN: Well, just as well I don’t remember my dreams. ARCHIVIST: I do. MARTIN: Uh– What? ARCHIVIST: They… I see most of the suffering around here. When it’s quiet, it just… it’s like… I can see it, like I’m watching all of it.

(MAG191) [SOME AGITATION MOVEMENTS, AND MARTIN AWAKES WITH A START] MARTIN: … eh, eh, EH! Eh! [BAG JOSTLING] … Wh… [LOUD BREATHS] … Jon? [TURNS OVER TO CHECK] [SURPRISED] Ah, argh! Stop it! Jon! [THE ARCHIVIST WAKES UP] ARCHIVIST: [MUZZILY] Mm, what? What? […] Bad dream? MARTIN: Is there any other kind? ARCHIVIST: Fair.

That was a bittersweet throwback… Is it because of the overall anxiety? Is it because it’s another way the Fears prey on people? Jon introduced the domains as “nightmares”, at first – it’s quite interesting that actual nightmares still exist in a place that is semi-protected from the rest of the world.

With the parallel with the Cabin, I’m once again wondering whether the tunnels are a kind of domain on their own, and feeding from people in a different way…? We seem to be getting the same situation of Martin suffering from nightmares while Jon doesn’t sleep normally, and back then, they hadn’t been aware (at first) that the Cabin was actually trapping them and preying on them…

- First time Martin mentioned that he’s aware of Jon’s dreams, I think?

(MAG191) MARTIN: Speaking of, how are your dreams? [INHALE] I know they used to be… y’know, complicated. ARCHIVIST: I don’t know. I don’t really remember them anymore. Honestly, it’s not… really even sleep these days? I can only do it when I’m disconnected from… well, everything, and i–it’s more like… You know that feeling when you’re right on the edge of falling asleep? Not quite dreaming but not aware of stuff either? MARTIN: Huh! So, like, standby mode then? ARCHIVIST: [SOFT LAUGH] I suppose!

He was aware that Jess Tyrell was seeing Jon in her dreams, but I don’t recall any mention of Jon’s own dreams – Daisy and Jon had discussed about it and Basira knew it would happen with Floyd, but Martin hadn’t been around in season 4. Did Jon explain it to him when they eloped to Scotland (or at some point during season 5), or did Martin listen to Elias’s tape from MAG120 describing Jon’s dreams?

I had wondered about Jon’s victims and dreams in season 5, too! We’ve seen with Jordan that having given Jon a statement didn’t give them a special status in the apocalypse, nor did it get them stuck all together in a specific domain – Jordan was stuck in a Corruption one, for example. (Is it because technically, in the apocalypse, everyone is beheld by Jon in a way?)

- Rare confirmation of something being visibly off with Jon and having to do with eyes!

(MAG191) MARTIN: It’s fine, I was… I was just startled. ARCHIVIST: Hm…? MARTIN: We’ve not been many places you can sleep, so I– ARCHIVIST: So, what? MARTIN: You were sleeping with your eyes open again. ARCHIVIST: Ah… Right. MARTIN: [SIGH] J–just… took me by surprise. […] Oh, you’d… just completely conk out. Eyes open, obviously, ‘cos god forbid the creepy ever stops entirely, heh! But– ARCHIVIST: Thank you. MARTIN: –you’d… just be dead to the world. I actually got a bit worried, once or twice, but… you always woke up fine. … You said you didn’t dream. You sounded pretty happy about it too. ARCHIVIST: I imagine I was…!

So, Jon keeps his eyes open when sleeping, used to also do that at Salesa’s… so even with his connection with The Eye cut, a few oddities remain.

The description of Jon as in “standby” with his eyes open is a tinyyy bit terrifying indeed (doll just waiting to move again?), and probably very sad for Martin… after Jon’s “coma” following season 3, when his heart wasn’t beating. Since we’ve heard Martin beg for Jon to wake up (and he did admit that he felt like he had lost “everything” back then), there is something absolutely heartwrenching in the idea of Martin seeing Jon unmoving, and probably thinking Jon has died or is gone in a way, again…? (We’ve heard with the beginning of the episode that Martin’s reaction was to panic over it, indeed ;;)

- Aaah, Jon asking again about details of what happened at Upton House was so precious and sad…

(MAG181) [STATIC RISES] ARCHIVIST: Ah… Pity. MARTIN: What? ARCHIVIST: It’s, uh… It’s going away. That… peace; the, the safety, the memory of ignorance… MARTIN: That’s… [INHALE] Yeah, I guess that makes sense. [STATIC FADES] Do you… remember any of it? Wha–what Salesa said? Annabelle? ARCHIVIST: Some. I–I think. It’s, uh… Do you mind filling me in? MARTIN: Wait, you need me to tell you something for once? ARCHIVIST: I guess so! It’s, uh… It’s gone. Like a dream. … What was it like? MARTIN: … [SIGH] Nice. It was… It was really nice.

(MAG191) ARCHIVIST: … What was I like at Salesa’s?

And it’s nice that Jon asked Martin information about Upton to be able to make the comparison with the tunnels. There is a form of trust, asking Martin to recall those things?

- And the concept of ~remembering~ was Martin’s cue to confirm that Celia was indeed Lynne!

(MAG191) MARTIN: [FAINT CHUCKLE] … Hey, I… [BAG JOSTLING] I meant to ask. Do you recognise that woman, Celia? ARCHIVIST: Hum… no, I, I don’t… think so – why? MARTIN: I… I’d swear she gave a statement once. ARCHIVIST: What statement? I don’t… remember anything. Wh… Not down here at least.

Later, the episode answered a question I got at this point: given Jon’s inability to remember Lynne at all, did it mean that Jon hadn’t listened to her statement, or that he had trouble remembering because of the tunnels interfering with his connection with The Eye? But later, Jon did remember about MAG053’s statement, so it really does sound like he hadn’t listened to Lynne’s statement at all and couldn’t remember it through mundane means (while he might have been able to “know” about her if he had been outside, without the tunnels’ protection). It’s curious, since season 3 had made a point that Jon was listening to “all he tapes” including recordings by the other assistants:

(MAG113) MARTIN: I mean… it wasn’t actually paranoia, though, was it? Because, they were out to get you. ARCHIVIST: I suppose that they were. MELANIE: Wasn’t a great time back here, either. ARCHIVIST: Oh, god, Melanie, of course. I’m… I’m sorry. If I’d known that Ivy Meadows was– MELANIE: What?! You’d have told me? Let me learn from one of your statements instead of from Elias? I don’t see that changing anything. ARCHIVIST: Even so, I… am… I’m sorry.

(MAG114) TIM: … You listened to it, then? My statement. ARCHIVIST: I listened to all the tapes. I, I had no idea how much of a… a mess I left this place in, I–I–I’m sorry. TIM: Bit of an invasion of privacy. ARCHIVIST: I assume that’s a joke?

(MAG117) ARCHIVIST: I’m making a decision. I trust them. All of them. E–except Elias, obviously, that’s not–, I mean… I’ve listened to the tapes. [DRY CHUCKLE] I’ve listened to the tape! I–I know what they talk about behind my back, how much they’ve… suffered, because of… [INHALE] this place… because of me. … God. Poor Melanie…

Was it because Lynne’s tape was mislabelled (since Martin thought it was probably a fake story)? Was it because something hid that specific tape from Jon…?

Additional detail: at that point in time (MAG100), it means that Martin couldn’t tell whether live statements were true or not! Sasha hadn’t sounded surprised when Jon had told her he could feel whether some were “real” ones or not, back in MAG039, but it’s interesting that in season 3, Elias had basically given over the statements-reading over to the assistants “to make up for the shortfall”, and yet they were apparently still unable to evaluate whether it was a real statement or not. (They did feel the consequences, however! Martin and Melanie commented about the toll it took on them.)

- Martin’s summary of Lynne’s statement, though.

(MAG191) MARTIN: It was… [MUMBLES SOMETHING SOFTLY] … I thought she was making stuff up! Heh! I gave her some money. ARCHIVIST: Why? MARTIN: Sh–she asked. ARCHIVIST: R–right.

We know, Martin. We know, it was so painful to listen to.

(MAG100) LYNNE: I mean, just, just, my friend Gav said that, y’know, you guys… you need stories, and you need people to come forward, so… MARTIN: Yeah, yeah… LYNNE: And you… kind of… You pay up people for their ghost stories, so… MARTIN: Oh! Er, ah… [NERVOUS CHUCKLE] I, I think there might be a bit of a, er, er, mis–miscommunication here– LYNNE: Oh! Oh, right, okay. MARTIN: Yeah. Yeah… We don’t actually, um… er, we don’t pay for, pay for statements. LYNNE: Right. MARTIN: This is, this is more, a, er, documenting process than… er, we don’t use these for, um, for stuff outside of– LYNNE: Okay. MARTIN: –r–r–records. Ahh. I’m really sorry. Er… LYNNE: Oh. I mean, I mean, that’s why I– Er, no, y’know, okay, but that’s fine. [MOMENTS OF EMBARRASSED MUMBLINGS] MARTIN: Er… Um… Y’know what… Sorry. Um. Let’s see what I’ve got… [MOURNFUL SOUNDS OF MARTIN’S LOOSE CHANGE] I mean, I’ve got… I mean… get a coffee, I… LYNNE: Y’know what? You’re, you’re all right. MARTIN: No, no, please, please? I… LYNNE: Oh, all right. MARTIN: Y’know, er… LYNNE: Thanks, thanks. MARTIN: … like, like a macchiato, or… LYNNE: Mm. MARTIN: I mean, maybe not that much. LYNNE: Okay, so, um… Just the way out… [TRANSFER OF COINS] MARTIN: Yeah. LYNNE: … The way I came in? MARTIN: Yeah, please. If that’s… yeah.

I love that Jon sounded at an absolute loss about Martin’s summary of the situation. (Also, Martin: she didn’t really ask. You were made aware of the misunderstanding, and you offered the money to make up for it.)

- Indeed, Celia/Lynne has lost her memory and didn’t sound like she had recognised Martin:

(MAG190) CELIA: Sorry. We haven’t been introduced. You are…? GEORGIE: Oh, hum, of course. Sorry. This is… ARCHIVIST: Jonathan. Jon. Sims. MARTIN: Uh, Martin. Hello, eh! GEORGIE: And… this is Laverne. LAVERNE: Good to meet you. GEORGIE: And Celia. MARTIN: [PUZZLED] “Celia”? CELIA: Probably. The, hum… place I was trapped in, they took my name, I never got it back. But, I like Celia, so… yeah! Celia it is. MARTIN: Uh… H–hello… Celia…!

(MAG191) ARCHIVIST: … Do you think she remembers? MARTIN: I, I mean… she doesn’t seem to remember her own name, so… I’m guessing… no? ARCHIVIST: You could ask! MARTIN: Well, no, that’d just be weird, I mean– [SOFT WOODEN KNOCKING ON A DOOR, TWO KNOCKS] Hello?

And I can’t pinpoint whether that will lead to something more or not! Is it just a point that domains can impact people even after they’ve been liberated from them? Is it because her tape will resurface? Is it because Lynne’s statement was especially plot-relevant somehow? (The fire ghost woman she had spotted obviously put Agnes to mind… except Agnes didn’t die and never lived (as far as we know) in Clapton, where Lynne had spotted the ghost – and she wasn’t pursued by said ghost after moving out, so it sounded like it was tied to her old flat…)

- There has been so much knocking since Jon&Martin joined the tunnels! It feels a bit like it’s compensating for the rest of season 5 – previously, most of the episodes were taking place in Jon’s office, so there was knocking here and there… but not that much in season 5, except with Helen.

On the one hand: it’s ~polite to knock~. On the other hand: it’s a bit anxiety-inducing, both because knocking around Jon is a perpetual reminder of Mr Spider and because it feels like it would be soooo easy for one of the others to eavesdrop on Jon&Martin’s conversations, and what would they think of it? Would they deem Jon&Martin dangerous?

- Speaking of survivors having been deeply affected by the domains… ouft, Unnamed.

(MAG191) MARTIN: I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Martin, this is Jon. [RUSTLING AND SOUNDS OF BAG OPENING AS THEY START MOVING AROUND] ARCHIVIST: Hello. UNNAMED: [SUSPICIOUS] Right… MARTIN: And you are…? UNNAMED: [FIRMLY] No! MARTIN: “No”? A–as in your name’s No? UNNAMED: No, as in “you don’t get to know my name”. I’m not stupid. ARCHIVIST: Is that so? UNNAMED: Names are how they see you. They’re how they find you in the files. You can hide all you want, but if they know your name… they can see you. And take you away. ARCHIVIST: I see. UNNAMED: I tell people my name, then maybe they learn it. Then they come for all of us. You shouldn’t have told me yours, I keep telling the others! Only the prophet names are safe.

So: still applying the logic of the domains she had been trapped in to the rest of the world. I’ve seen a lot of speculation about it, but I don’t feel like her description matched the Archives that much – it could be anything else, really? Her description was a bit reminiscent of Spiral stuff (MAG065: “The angles cut me when I try to think.”) and, overall, the Archives never seemed to have a huge focus on “names” as instruments of power over people (+ Laverne has been the oldest of the survivors: if the others who had been lost had indeed been taken back through their names, she would have exerted caution too)… So mostly, I saw Unnamed’s story and behaviour as another demonstration of how the survivors cope, after these traumatic events – in this case, still applying the logic of her domain, even after escaping it, to the point of hiding parts of herself to others.

;; Still worried about the cultist bits towards Georgie&Melanie: everyone seems to be projecting what they want and hope for from them… and it’s clearly unsustainable.

- Unnamed and Jon snapping at each other about their understanding of how things work huuuurt, but was also scratching an itch:

(MAG191) ARCHIVIST: That’s not how it works! MARTIN: [WARNING] Jon… ARCHIVIST: What? She’s talking complete rubbish! UNNAMED: Have you been there, then? Have you fled through the endless cabinets, the… the labels that cut you? The things that “put you in your place”? ARCHIVIST: No… UNNAMED: So you don’t know! ARCHIVIST: But I’ve seen it! I know it. UNNAMED: Oh, you “know it”, do you? Did it bleed you? ARCHIVIST: No, but that’s not actually– UNNAMED: Then you don’t know it. And you’re not getting my name. ARCHIVIST: … Fine. … Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.

It was very “early series Jon” to argue like this! The difference between Jon being able to “see” and “know”… but Unnamed accusing him of not truly understanding it, because he had not experienced it like she did, was a nice touch? We’re used to seeing Jon as the Archivist, who goes through other people’s experiences and experiences their fears, but I’m not sure it’s still something he fundamentally does in season 5; he witnesses, he understands, he feeds from the pain, but is it a terror he experiences as such, does Beholding still feeds from Jon’s vicarious process? Is it the same understanding and experience, between Jon who knows and feeds from it, and from someone who was actively tortured by it and still has to suffer from the effects of it? And regardless of the answers: I do understand Unnamed’s annoyance that someone who admitted he had not been trapped in her domain would know about how bad it was, when she still had to deal with the consequences and lasting ptsd afterwards.

- I love how Unnamed was a bit brusque, refused the social niceties of exchanging names… and wasn’t especially mean overall. It was just one thing she feared, and one thing to respect about her. She offered food and explained how things worked!

(MAG191) UNNAMED: [SIGH] Would you like some food? We have… tins. And biscuits. Although the biscuits are really old. MARTIN: What’s in the “tins”? UNNAMED: Food. MARTIN: [IRRITATED] What food? UNNAMED: Depends. Most of the labels are gone! Yesterday, I got black beans. MARTIN: Oh, right. And that’s… good? UNNAMED: Mm–hmm! […] Are you coming? MARTIN: Yes, yes! Lead the way… you? UNNAMED: Of course.

And she warned them about the biscuits. Those ones were from Leitner’s stash, probably?

- The little panic when Jon heard that Georgie&Melanie were “gone”… Though it had already been pointed out that they tended to isolate for a while.

(MAG190) CELIA: [SIGH] [ANXIOUS] I don’t like it. They’ve been gone too long. LAVERNE: They’re fine. Sometimes they take a while. It’s hardly the longest they’ve been gone, is it? […] Besides! You know that they sometimes go to a side tunnel for “private contemplation”. I think it’s sweet. CELIA: [PETULANT] They can contemplate privately here…! LAVERNE: Can they? There’s not exactly many doors down here. CELIA: No, I guess… […] MELANIE: [SIGH] It’s why we head out so much. Sometimes we actually are scouting, or gathering, but half the time… I just need to get away. [INHALE] If I didn’t have Georgie, I think I might just snap and beat them all to death…

(MAG191) ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] So… Georgie and Melanie, a–are they…? UNNAMED: They’re gone. ARCHIVIST: Wh…? UNNAMED: Out. They, they often go out. Sometimes they bring people back, but usually they just… go, for a while.

Melanie needing her Alone Time, uh.

- Still with that vocabulary of Georgie&Melanie having their own “path”…

(Season 5 Act III Trailer) UNNAMED: They haven’t been gone long. ARUN: You know they walk the path. No harm can come to them. CELIA: I know, I just… I…! [FRUSTRATED SIGH]

(MAG190) LAVERNE: Celia… just trust them. “They walk this world above the nightmare. It will not take them.”

(MAG191) MARTIN: O…kay, eh! Do you know when they’ll be back? UNNAMED: No. They walk their own path.

- I wonder what is up with Jon…

(MAG189) ARCHIVIST: [BROKENLY] I do not, I– … I’m just feeling a little bit woozy, all right? I–I can’t quite think straight, like at, hum… Oh, M–Martin, y–you remember?

(MAG190) GEORGIE: Martin said you knew everything now. ARCHIVIST: Not everything. [INHALE] Between the tunnels, and your and Melanie’s… position relative to The Eye… I’m a bit in the dark, here. […] GEORGIE: Look. We’re all tired, and you still seem a little… disoriented by the tunnels. Let’s get some rest. We can talk about next moves tomorrow.

(MAG191) ARCHIVIST: Any chance you could bring me something back? I’m… feeling a little bit shaky. MARTIN: Do you need to make a statement? ARCHIVIST: Actually… no, I… I haven’t since we got down here…! I suppose it must be the tunnels. Nice to be a bit more… in control, although… it does feel… odd.

Was Martin’s question about the need to “make a statement” the right one? In season 5, Jon “makes statement” indeed: they pour out like an excess, because he’s surrounded by suffering and has to do this to not be overwhelmed. But Jon saying he feels “shaky”, being weak and tired… actually sounds like his old withdrawal symptoms when he needed to read or take a statement – not “make”. Is it what he would theoretically need, right now…? Or will the mundane food do the trick…? I’m still wondering whether he’s actually feeding from people’s fears of being thrown back into their domains, at the moment…

It’s also the second time that Jon mentioned feeling more “in control”, although in an absolutely different situation:

(MAG164) MARTIN: You’ve been knowing a lot lately. ARCHIVIST: … Yes. MARTIN: A lot more than you used to. ARCHIVIST: Y… [SIGH] Yeah. And it, it feels more… deliberate. L–like I have more control now.

Back at the start of the season, because he was more powerful; right now, because he has less access to his powers.

- Progress! Martin accepted the likelihood of beans, this time.

(MAG190) MARTIN: Oh, food, eh! What’s on the menu? LAVERNE: Cold baked beans. MARTIN: … Maybe later.

(MAG191) UNNAMED: Depends. Most of the labels are gone! Yesterday, I got black beans. MARTIN: Oh, right. And that’s… good? UNNAMED: Mm–hmm!

- I’m DELIGHTED that Arun and Martin met alone, what a DISASTER! Also, another tape recorder spawning and clicking on on its own, and it was explicitly said that Arun was bringing that one with him (it’s sometimes unclear who is carrying them). It was kinda cute that Arun identified the strange new object as potentially belonging to the strange newcomers.

That whole exchange *screams*

(MAG191) ARUN: [INHALE] Uh… Martin? MARTIN: Yeah? Oh, s–sorry, I, I… didn’t catch you name. ARUN: Arun. MARTIN: Hi, Arun. What’s up? ARUN: Sorry, ju–, hum, just, hum… did you lose a tape recorder? I found this… Oh… Huh. MARTIN: Yeah, it wasn’t on when you found it, right? ARUN: No, uh… MARTIN: [SLIGHT CHUCKLE] ARUN: Is it yours? I haven’t seen it before, I thought it might be. MARTIN: Kind of, I guess? They follow us around a bit. ARUN: … Really? MARTIN: Oh, y–you don’t need to worry! It’s been happening for ages, b–before the world changed, even. You can just ignore them. ARUN: Since before the end? MARTIN: Yeah, it’s… it’s kind of a long story.

Big reminder that the tape recorders have been following Jon&Martin around for a while, that it’s not normal (although they’ve long got used to it). With this scene, and Jon pointing out to Georgie that yes, the tape recorders were mostly invested in him and Martin last episode, it feels like we’re getting close to an answer about what they are and why they record some things and not others?

- I like how, yeah, Arun was plain annoying from the start and clearly the most vocal about the cult aspect… but also not stupid:

(MAG191) MARTIN: Yeah, it’s… it’s kind of a long story. Ask the prophets, if you want, they’ll explain. [MARTIN TURNS AND STEPS AWAY] ARUN: You don’t believe in them, do you? In their power? MARTIN: I… knew them in the old days. ARUN: So did Laverne…! MARTIN: Yeah, I, I realise that, just– … Look, it’s complicated, okay? It’s just a big pile of stuff that no-one understands. ARUN: [POINTEDLY] I understand they are able to walk through this world without fear or danger. MARTIN: [EXHALES HIS IRRITATION] ARUN: I understand they saved us.

He did pick up on Martin not being convinced, and as Laverne had pointed out… the cult seems to be a way to make sense of the world; their only personal gain, with it, is to not give up to despair. Obvious, it’s bad to project and to pour their hopes into Melanie&Georgie, to delude themselves about their powers and pseudo-significance! But fundamentally, it’s about hurt and broken people trying to cling to something that gives them hope, and which is constructed on a few lies. It’s just sad.

- Kudos to Martin for sensing that anything he could say would potentially backfire, though.

(MAG191) MARTIN: Ask the prophets, if you want, they’ll explain. […] Look, you, you should really talk to them about it, okay? I… don’t want to say the wrong thing.

But really, that was the WORST possible interaction ever.

(MAG191) MARTIN: [NOISES OF DISBELIEF] Okay! Well… You’re rude. ARUN: I’m a poet. I speak the truth! MARTIN: Yeah? Well… your truth is rude!

Martin, until now identified as ~the poet~, and likely not ever thinking he was saying the truth. (I do wonder whether Arun was absolutely serious about it… or actually playful about it?)

Overall, it was awful, I loved it, and it also hurt since Arun was insufferable and at the same time kiiiinda made a few potentially accurate points about Jon&Martin – from their behaviour, it does sound like they’ve been looking down on the survivors for their beliefs:

(MAG190) MELANIE: [INHALE] If I didn’t have Georgie, I think I might just snap and beat them all to death… MARTIN: Sounds like they’d probably thank you for your wisdom, if you did that. MELANIE: [CHUCKLE] … Stop. We shouldn’t talk about them like this, they, they are good people. MARTIN: Sure. MELANIE: It’s just… hard not to look down on people when they put you up on a pedestal like that!

(MAG191) ARUN: I know you look at us like we’re idiots. MARTIN: [SNORT] ARUN: You pity us…! MARTIN: That’s not true. ARUN: Liar!

Plainly, because Jon&Martin didn’t like it. And it’s understandable! But still. It’s just people who’ve been hurt, all around.

- At the very least, Arun had a point when he questioned what Jon&Martin were, why they had come, why the tape recorders were specifically following them:

(MAG191) ARUN: Liar! [RAISED VOICE] Who are you? MARTIN: [EXASPERATED SIGH] ARUN: Just appearing from nowhere with… phantom tape recorders just scuttling in your wake? Why are you here?

I’m eyeing a LOT that description of the tape recorders as “scuttling”, which has been a very spidery term in the series………………… (Ghost spiders, ghost spiders.)

- Congrats to Martin for getting another tape recorder.

(MAG191) MARTIN: [AGITATED] We’re here to save the world! Okay? Right? If you want more than that… go ask your prophets, okay? Now just… give me that…! [GRABS RECORDER] [CLICK.]

Accumulating a collection by himself, uh?

- I don’t know what to expect from the cultists/survivors! I feel like right now, they do fulfil a clear role and make a few points: they show us how the domains impacted and wounded normal people, and how these traumatised people interact with the world afterwards. Some have lost parts of themselves and are constantly anxious (Celia). Some are a bit paranoid, still apply the logic of domains to the world even if it means hiding parts of themselves from others (Unnamed). Some resort to religious beliefs, trying to find meaning and leaders afterwards (Arun). It wouldn’t have been this powerful if Jon had described these reactions as hypotheticals, or if Melanie&Georgie had described the people they had saved – we indeed needed to see the survivors themselves, a few of their own thoughts and behaviours, to truly appreciate it.

It could be serving as a glimpse at what would/will happen to the world if Jon&Martin manage to banish the Fears – it wouldn’t be a reset, people would still remember and feel the consequences of the terrible things they have suffered from. It could also be preparing something on a lower scale, the survivors panicking and turning on Jon&Martin, taking a risk and actually dooming them all… but I don’t know, I’m feeling that one less and less? I do feel the tension, it sure feels like something is ready to snap, but the tension itself serves a few purposes already (showing how Jon&Martin have some trouble interacting with other people, how it’s hard for everyone since they’re all carrying heavy baggage). What I’m expecting is that Melanie&Georgie might finally admit that they lied about the vision, but I’m not even sure that this would lead to something absolutely awful? (Outside of the survivors being crushed.)

(- What I’m especially curious about, re:Arun… is that he’s the only one of the four from the trailer who hasn’t spilled anything about the kind of place he was trapped in. Celia had her name taken from her (and apparently a few bits of herself); Laverne was in a Spiral maze; Unnamed was in a place that was forcing her to try and fit where she couldn’t fit. But as of now, we know nothing about Arun’s experience: it’s also why I’m pretty willing to give him the benefits of the doubt, and not expect something actively malicious or sinister from him – mostly expecting him to be another wounded person trying to cope.)

- Martin brought back “TinsTM” /o/ Martin immediately summarising the general feeling:

(MAG191) (MAG191) [DOOR OPENS] ARCHIVIST: Any sign of them? [TINS ARE PLACED DOWN] MARTIN: No, but… the others say it’s pretty normal for them to be gone this long. ARCHIVIST: Right… [CUTLERY SOUNDS] MARTIN: That said, the, uh… “locals” are getting restless. ARCHIVIST: Mm. MARTIN: I–I get the impression our welcome isn’t exactly… unconditional.

… was giving the impression that yep, next episode, they’ll try to leave already, that they can’t really stay any longer.

- Worried about Jon’s state, since he was already feeling fuzzy although they had juuuust arrived. Martin found that it was comparatively better than at Salesa’s, but at the same time, they have just arrived in the tunnels…

(MAG191) MARTIN: How’s the, uh… fuzziness? ARCHIVIST: … It’s alright. Comes and goes. MARTIN: Yeah, you don’t seem as bad as you were at Salesa’s. Hopefully you won’t forget everything as soon as you leave the tunnels…! ARCHIVIST: I don’t… think I will, it was worse there. Though, you know, obviously… MARTIN: You– ARCHIVIST: I– MARTIN&ARCHIVIST: –don’t remember…! [SILENCE]

Jon&Martin being intimate and ending the sentence, almost like it’s a joke… ;w;

- That’s indeed a lot of pressure:

(MAG191) ARCHIVIST: So, what do you think? You reckon they’re going to help? MARTIN: [INHALE] I mean… they’ve got to, right? You, you’re basically humanity’s only hope! [CHUCKLE] ARCHIVIST: Oh, I mean… Okay, hum… [NERVOUS CHUCKLE] I hadn’t really… MARTIN: Oh, so–sorry! That’s probably a bit too much pressure, yeah? ARCHIVIST: A, a bit?

And SOB, because it reminded me of The Unknowing and the subsequent crushing realisations:

(MAG093) GEORGIE: Jonathan Sims, are you trying to save the world? ARCHIVIST: I… Yeah. I… I guess I am.

(MAG117) ARCHIVIST: So, I–I guess… some time in the next few days, I go on a… [NERVOUS CHUCKLE] commando mission to blow up a wax museum. … It’s not exactly what I was expecting. Fro–from an archiving job.

(MAG126) ARCHIVIST: … I remembered Gertrude’s notebook; we found it alongside the plastic explosives, but it rather got lost amongst the business of… [SIGH] saving the world at the cost of two lives…

(MAG150) ARCHIVIST: What about The Unknowing? We, we saved the world! MELANIE: Did we? I… I mean, I–I think it was the right thing to do, but how many people were killed to do it? We, we weren’t even a neutral party; we did it as agents of The Eye, because Elias told us to.

The last few times Jon had thought he was the only one able to save the world, it turned out that the world wouldn’t have been destroyed in the first place – the rituals wouldn’t have worked. It might still be a bit hard to even try to believe that they can save the world, now…

- Aouch that in the middle of uncertainties, Jon was at least sure of Georgie’s thought-process:

(MAG191) ARCHIVIST: I don’t know. [INHALE] I know how Georgie gets about people in her care. If she thinks helping us will endanger them… MARTIN: [INHALE] Yeah. Melanie too. ARCHIVIST: Mm.

… because he was familiar with both sides of it. Georgie had been ride-or-die with him when she sheltered him in season 3, protecting him from the police; she also rejected him when she identified him as a potential danger. And right now, Jon isn’t in her care anymore, unlike the survivors, so… he can guess whom she would prioritise.

- So the tunnels have changed again!

(MAG191) MARTIN: … And you’re sure we can’t… find the way up on our own? ARCHIVIST: Probably not. [INHALE] I’m cut off down here, and the layout seems… different to before.

Jon had mentioned multiple times that he had trouble orientating himself in the tunnels, that his connection was dimmed:

(MAG114) BASIRA: Don’t think either of us like it down here. ARCHIVIST: Uh, well, no, me neither. Feels… DAISY: Empty. ARCHIVIST: Yeah.

(MAG152) ARCHIVIST: … I’ve been wondering what they were doing down here. Though they must have been down here for… weeks, months maybe; spreading, growing. They could have spread all the way through these tunnels, but they didn’t. They didn’t find Leitner down here, didn’t find… Gertrude’s body. Didn’t find… whatever else is here. HELEN: It is a maze. One of the reasons I like it. ARCHIVIST: Mm. [SILENCE] … I can’t see things properly here. I thought it was just me, something interfering with my connection to The Eye, but… I’m wondering. Maybe it affects everything else. Like this place is some kind of… “universal blind spot”. Everyone gets lost, down here.

So it’s not a surprise that it’s still the case.

- YIKES about the fact that The Eye had been calling for Jon?!

(MAG191) MARTIN: The Eye isn’t, like… calling you, or something? ARCHIVIST: Oh, no i–it is. But I can’t get a… clear reading on it down here, i–it’s kind of maddening, actually? Like… being on a street you almost remember but… can’t find on a map.

Jon, you hadn’t said!! Was it a thing since MAG162, when Jon decided to leave the cabin?

(MAG162) ARCHIVIST: “This place wishes to be our tomb. But The Eye does not wish that. No. [STATIC RISES] The Eye wishes instead that it be my chrysalis. [WOODEN CREAKING SOUND] It is time that I emerge…” […] No, no, lo–look… I, I–I was listening, and I–I was filled with this… hatred. This anger; I–I wanted to leave, and hunt down Elias, a–and…! MARTIN: W–wow, okay… ARCHIVIST: But, when I thought it… the–there was… [WOODEN CREAKING SOUND] There was something else. Th–this place, it… it didn’t want me, it… [WOODEN CREAKING SOUND] didn’t want us to go.

I’m having feelings over Jon exposing it as a very background thing, that he’s apparently been fighting/resisting without making it obvious. Jon…

(And: is it The Eye? Or is it……… Elias……………… since he had “called” for Jon to allow him to reach the Panopticon………. and Fanshawe’s letter had also “called” to Jon in MAG127………)

- So Jon&Martin need a guide in the tunnels; Laverne already had gone to have a look at the “stairs” according to the trailer (and Melanie&Georgie will decide to help at the end of the episode)… I wonder who will guide them, since there are multiple candidates?

- Screaming in Archivists.

(MAG191) ARCHIVIST: Yeah, but… [SIGH] Without a guide, we could be wandering a long time. And apparently, there are things wandering about there as well that… might put up some resistance. MARTIN: Yeah. Laverne mentioned. Do you know what they are? ARCHIVIST: Yep! [INHALE] They’re, hum… They’re Archivists. MARTIN: … Come again?

* GODSDAMNIT.

* Zombies. We’re getting basically zombies in the tunnels.

* Martin’s reaction was Me.

* I’m not absolutely sure that the Archivists = Watchers mentioned in the trailer? The way they had been introduced, the Watchers sounded more like guardians, or at least stationary:

(Season 5 Act III Trailer) LAVERNE: No. But… there were more watchers. CELIA: What do you mean “more”? There’s two, one each side! LAVERNE: Not anymore. I didn’t get a good look, but… there must have been four, or five.

But here Jon describes the Archivists as “wandering”. Have they begun to move around with his arrival, or are those two different things?

- The lore!! We’re getting lore!!

(MAG191) ARCHIVIST: Did you ever listen to Gertrude’s interview with, uh, Sergeant Heller? MARTIN: Oh, pff…! That’s a blast from the past. Uh… I think so? Uh… World War Two, right? Under Alexandria? Saw some monster with a wei– … ARCHIVIST: Mm–hmm. MARTIN: … eye. Right. ARCHIVIST: I’m not the first Archivist. Not by a long way. Most of the others died like Gertrude, but some… lingered. And, well… let’s just say I’m not the only one that feels the Panopticon calling.

* It’s interesting that Martin could remember this tape since… it was one from Jon’s hidden stash in season 2 (since he was hiding from his “official” tapes that he had a deal with Basira and was investigating Gertrude’s murder through her, and later Daisy). It’s not new, since Martin had told Daisy in MAG142 that he had listened to her statement about her colleague who disappeared into the Coffin (MAG061’s), and that one had been given when Daisy brought one of Gertrude’s tapes to Jon – so that recording would have gone in the secret stash too. Still, interesting to hear that Martin did get his hands on all these unofficial tapes at some point? Jon, you didn’t hide them well.

* Martin, you have a good memory!

* ;; So Gertrude had been right about the creature being an old Archivist…

(MAG053) GERTRUDE: Regardless, I have further follow-up of my own to do. My biggest concern right now is whatever creature Mr Heller encountered down there. It was… 56 years ago. But if it’s still alive, I should be careful. What was it? A guardian of some sort or perhaps… perhaps it too was… once an Archivist.  

* Gertrude had blown that place up:

(MAG053) GERTRUDE: And… did you replace the grate? WALTER: The– The– The– the what? GERTRUDE: The bronze grate, over the entrance to the Archive. Did you replace it when you fled? WALTER: Oh, yeah, yes… Yes, I think I did. […] GERTRUDE: Thank you, Walter. Now. Uh, I– I need to check some maps with you, but I don’t think we need that on tape. Are you all right here for now? […] ARCHIVIST: Mr Heller died from a stroke in 2004, making follow-up on this tape… difficult. I’ve found a news article from March 1998, six months after this statement was taken. It reports an explosion in Alexandria, which destroyed several buildings in the vicinity of Pompey’s Pillar, and killed 17 people. Official investigation determined it to be a gas mains explosion, but… I wonder. Gertrude Robinson is not who I thought she was.

So unless that “only” sealed the creature into its underground hideout, that one Archivist from Alexandria was likely killed/destroyed and not part of the party here. (Think about it, you linger for centuries and centuries, and you fail to survive for the last twenty years before the apocalypse. Close call!)

* I wonder if the guardian of Johann von Würtemberg’s tomb also came to the Institute, or if it had been neutralised…

* Jonah had mentioned that the “Archivist” role was an old one…

(MAG160, Jonah Magnus) “You see, the role of Archivist has been part of The Beholding for as far back as my research can go. This isn’t uncommon for the Powers: most of the beliefs around them are guesswork and fallible human interpretation, but there are certain… throughlines and consistencies that can be spotted, regardless of the trappings.”

And I still wonder: how come this one is working roughly the same? With the avatars we’ve met, their powers manifested mostly how they felt they should; but Jon didn’t know anything about it, and yet ended up with the same powers as Gertrude (compulsion, the dreams) as part of the function, and that’s something rather unique? Elias’s Beholding powers are extremely different, and were tailored to his own experience with the Panopticon, for example; avatars of The Eye are not fundamentally Archivists. How does one become an “Archivist”?

- I can’t believe that YET AGAIN, these lines from Elias found a way to feel even crueller:

(MAG092) ELIAS: … You’re worried about ending up like that thing, lurking in the dirt under the streets of Alexandria? Don’t be. Just do what you need to do, and you’ll be fine. Understood?

Because: as an Archivist, barring premature death, Jon would have absolutely ended up like that creature. But the point was for Jon to not be like the other ones – and to indeed be Elias’s “Archives”, serving for his ritual… and thus leading to Jon’s different status in the apocalypse.

- I think this is the first time since MAG160 that Jon has identified himself as an “Archivist”? In season 4, he was using the title when introducing the statement (“Jonathan Sims, the Archivist.”) but, due to the nature of the statements in season 5, it’s not something we’ve been hearing anymore. He’s been called various titles by other avatars, but didn’t use it himself… and it’s a bit reassuring that he’s still including himself amongst the “Archivists”, and NOT presenting himself as an “Archive” – like Jonah had described him in his letter. (MAG160: “Because the thing about the Archivist is that… well: it’s a bit of a misnomer. It might, perhaps, be better named “the Archive”. Because you do not administer and preserve the records of fear, Jon – you are a record of fear. Both in mind, as you walk the shuddering dread of each statement; and in body, as the Powers each leave their mark upon you. You are a living chronicle of terror.”)

- é_è Martin finally asking the question that he had begun to ask at Upton House…

(MAG181) MARTIN: Yeah, but if… [INHALE] If you’re that connected, that… dependent, what happens if we actually, y’know, do manage to– ARCHIVIST: We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, I just need us to be moving on. MARTIN: Hm…

(MAG186) ALSO MARTIN: I’m saying there aren’t any easy solutions. We have no idea what’s going to happen. Even if we make it to the tower, we don’t know there’ll be a fix. And if by some miracle there is, we both know the price will be awful. […] Jon’s as bad as we are. He wouldn’t let it happen. MARTIN: It’s not his decision. ALSO MARTIN: Fine. So flip that round, then. What are you going to do when he tries to sacrifice himself, because you know he’s going to try? MARTIN: I don’t know all right? [SIGH] I don’t know. ALSO MARTIN: And that’s okay for now, but I just want us to have thought about this stuff properly before it comes up. Because even if that’s not it, chances are it’ll be something else you don’t want to do, and we need to make a proper choice. We can’t just react out of shame or fear or whatever.

(MAG191) MARTIN: … Jon. If… When we defeat The Eye, the Fears… What happens to you? [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: Nothing good. I think it depends on what actually happens. If we figure out a way to defeat them, banish them somehow, kick them out of our reality and back to where they came from, I might… survive? I think I’d stay more or less like this; w–weaker, but fundamentally… still an avatar in a world where the Fears are… once again lurking on the edges. MARTIN: … But I assume that’s the best case scenario? ARCHIVIST: Depends on your point of view, I guess. In the long term all we’d have done is… bought some more time. … If, however, we… find a way to destroy or, uh… eliminate the Powers… I’m not going to be okay. There’s… too much of me that’s part of The Eye now. I don’t… know what would be left of me without it. Maybe I just… die. Maybe I survive, but I–I lose… something. My identity? My mind? My… memories? I don’t know.

* I like that Jon still pointed out to Martin that what he wanted to label as the “best case scenario” (where Jon could still manage through statements like before) would still be horrible depending on the person answering: Jon had just exposed that it would be a world like before… so still a world with people getting hurt and losing loved ones. (And it would also be a world where the apocalypse already happened once: there could be other Jonahs ready to pursue it again.)

* I would eliminate this possibility from the get-go since Jon had already pointed out at the start of the season that the place where the Fears came from didn’t exist anymore:

(MAG164) MARTIN: Can we turn the world back? [STATIC RISES, STRONG] ARCHIVIST: Wow! Hum… I–if the Fears are removed, yes; but they–they can’t be destroyed while there are still… people to fear them; th–then they can’t be banished back to the space where they came from, it’s not… there anymore, I… Oh! Uh…

So. Aouch. Not getting that.

* Jon admitting for the first time that successfully dealing with the Fears will cause his degradation/disappearance huuuurt but I’m glad he has said it and shared the thought T___T We were suspecting that it could happen, I mostly wanted Jon&Martin to communicate about it and not be taken by surprise if it were to happen…

* I’m especially glad, in a way, that Jon has thought about what he could lose and reached the conclusion that it would probably affect what makes him “him”, and especially his memories. It’s something he might have been wondering about since Upton House? (I sure have been wondering about it since Upton House, so I’m glad that he also thought about it, although it’s heartbreaking…)

- So much fabric rustling this episode, so many hugs…

(MAG191) [FABRIC RUSTLES AS THEY EMBRACE] MARTIN: [LONG EXHALE]

- Cries again for Jon having understood that there was a risk that Martin would want to preserve Jon even to the point of keeping the world doomed…

(MAG191) ARCHIVIST: Martin, when the time comes, I need you to promise me that you won’t try to stop me. MARTIN: … I promise. I love you, Jon. ARCHIVIST: [FOND HUFF] I love you too. MARTIN: But I’m not going to doom the world over it. ARCHIVIST: … Thank you.

And I’m not 100% sure whether or not Martin was absolutely sincere. Technically, he did point out that his own limit would be specifically drawing the line at having to pull the trigger:

(MAG186) MARTIN: [GRIMLY] Tea. Please. [FLASK IS UNSCREWED AGAIN] [TEA SOUNDS ENSUE] So. This price. What do you think? Are we going to have to kill Jon? ALSO MARTIN: … I don’t know, because you don’t know. But… it seems like something we should at least consider. MARTIN: … I… have thought about it, and… I won’t. I, I don’t think I could…! ALSO MARTIN: Mmhmm. MARTIN: But anything else? Any other price? I’ll pay it. ALSO MARTIN: Even dying? MARTIN: Yeah! ALSO MARTIN: Jon’s as bad as we are. He wouldn’t let it happen.

… not necessarily at the whole concept of Jon having to die. So, Martin wasn’t contradicting what he had previously said, technically.

It was also good that Martin got to check about Jon’s intentions, since he had been explained, at some point, how Jon tends to do risky “heroic” things as a form of self-harm:

(MAG142) DAISY: And of course, for Jon, there’s survivor’s guilt in there, too. He thinks he’s not human. Makes him very… self-destructive. MARTIN: Yeah, well. We’ve all had trauma. DAISY: And everyone’s changed.

(MAG191) MARTIN: [INHALE] And you have to promise me that you’re going to do everything in your power to live. That you’re not going to… sacrifice yourself at the first opportunity, just because you feel guilty about what happened. ARCHIVIST: [BREATH] … I promise. MARTIN: [EXHALE] Good.

So it was extremely valid of Martin to make sure that Jon wouldn’t try to sacrifice himself as a punishment – not anymore.

(I’m noting that they haven’t discussed the possibility where they wouldn’t manage anything. We know that Martin made his decision in MAG186, that he would ask Jon to kill him, to stop feeding from people in his domain. But he’s yet to talk to Jon about that…)

- THAT WAS INDEED SUPER HEAVY…

(MAG191) MARTIN: … God, I hate these conversations. ARCHIVIST: Yeah…! [INHALE] Heavy stuff. [LONG EXHALE] MARTIN: I miss small talk. ARCHIVIST: We could talk about the weather for a bit, i–if you like? MARTIN: [SNORT] Bit difficult underground. ARCHIVIST: True. In that case I might… see if I can get a bit more sleep. Rest up a bit before, uh… you know. MARTIN: Sure. ARCHIVIST: Wake me if they get back? MARTIN: Of course.

Please, go back to talking about poetry or something too ;w;

So, as we left them in the episode: Jon was gathering his strength… and for once, Martin was watching over him.

I’M IN PRE-EMPTIVE PAIN. I know it’s going to end horribly, but aaaaaah ;; Jon laying down the futures he has envisioned for himself, and none of them being good… Jon having to think about the possibility that he could be wasting away and losing himself… it was just incredibly sad? ;;

- Fourth sequence, and given how the dialogue sound level was consistent: it sounded like the tape recorder was physically on Melanie or Georgie, not on the bench itself? There was no variation from the moment they were walking to the moment they sat. It’s interesting that, now, the tape recorders are able to spy on them – even though this is far from the first time they go outside, yet the recorders hadn’t listened in on them for the entire season until now…

- Apocalyptic London soundscaping! It had felt like a while – we only heard it in MAG188 and MAG189, but that was two months ago. I like when some places become immediately recognisable through the sound effects, like Beholding!London or the tunnels’ echo? Back in the days, I was extremely fond of the clock ticking in the background indicating Elias’s office.

(MAG191) [CLICK–] [FOOTSTEPS AND CANE TAPS AS MELANIE AND GEORGIE ARE ABOVE GROUND; URBAN DRONE SOUNDS ABOUND] MELANIE: I do wonder how healthy it is. Going to see him like that. GEORGIE: I know, but… it helps me. I think. MELANIE: It certainly sounded pretty nasty. GEORGIE: Well, it didn’t look too much better.

When Melanie&Georgie were mentioned to be out, I had not thought it would be for the Admiral ;; I had assumed it was to get some Alone Time and discuss the recent changes with Jon&Martin’s arrival, or to stock up on supplies since the group has become bigger – though in this case, their little trip outside served multiple purposes. Somehow, I had assumed that the Admiral’s domain would be a bit hard to access or even removed from London, since Georgie had mentioned she only went to see him occasionally (MAG190: “I go to see him sometimes. I think he’s happy, in his way. But, hum… It’s hard to see him like that. He didn’t even know I was there.”), but on the other hand, Jon had pointed out that there were micro-domains in London that weren’t pure Beholding (MAG188: “It’s the seat of The Eye…! The other powers have small enclaves within in, but… it’s going to be a lot.”). There is something very touching in the fact that Jon&Martin brought change (their mere presence, the fact that they have powers and are on a quest to try to stop this, the tape recorders following them) and Georgie went to see the Admiral again, as if clinging to a companion, a familiar presence… even though he has also changed a great deal?

- I love that Melanie asked the right questions about the bench.

(MAG191) GEORGIE: Uh, there’s a, a bench here, to your left. Do you mind? [DRONE FLYING] MELANIE: Unoccupied? GEORGIE: For now. Come on. MELANIE: Sure.

Big Extinction Couch flashbacks.

(MAG175) MARTIN: You know what? [FOOTSTEPS STOP] I am sitting down. ARCHIVIST: [CHUCKLE] Are you… sure, that thing is… That’s not in great shape. MARTIN: Neither am I. I have been on my feet for a literally uncountable amount of time. [FOOTSTEPS] [BAG JOSTLING] [SHUFFLING] [CREAKING, WITH DAMP SPLOSHES] MARTIN: Mmhph… ARCHIVIST: [CLIPPED] How is it? MARTIN: … Great…! It’s great. [WET SQUEAK] Lovely couch.

^We know how awful places to sit can be since the Change.

- Apart from the brief moment Melanie found Georgie at the end of MAG149, this was the first time we hear them talk by themselves and for themselves, and I’m grateful for that! It helped to see how they normally interact: asking questions about themselves and their own actions and situations, expressing their own thoughts aloud, bouncing ideas and feelings around… And I love that we can feel that they indeed know each other well at this point, with Melanie picking up right away on the fact that Georgie was actually upset:

(MAG191) MELANIE: Everything’s a bit… shit. Isn’t it? GEORGIE: Not everything. [DRONE FLYING] MELANIE: … How did he look? GEORGIE: He’s happy, I think. Does that… Does that make him evil? MELANIE: It makes him a cat. GEORGIE: And, I mean… sure it’s not a great look for Battersea but, watching it… it’s just the gorier bits of a nature documentary on repeat. MELANIE: There’s nothing natural about this, though. GEORGIE: … No. [SILENCE] MELANIE: We could still pull him out. Y’know, like, like the others. GEORGIE: No, no… It… it hurts to see him like that, but… he’s safer there. If we took him, we’d just be putting him in danger. We might even be putting the others in danger from him.

* Melanie going straight at it with the Admiral – because “not everything” being shit still means, in their situation, that most things are, and they had just gone out to allow Georgie to take a look at her fluffball.

* Georgie’s question about whether the Admiral was “evil” was a bit heartwrenching… because it’s how she had referred to an End avatar with Oliver:

(MAG121) OLIVER: Oh…. Uh, right. H–have I upset you, miss? GEORGIE: [INTERRUPTING] No, you just remind me of someone. OLIVER: Aaah, I’m sorry. Were they– GEORGIE: Evil. Yes.

Georgie having a black and white view of morality and trouble cataloguing the Admiral within that system…

* I like how Melanie’s overall dryness also allows her to be firm and rational about a few things? It’s a case where we can understand why Georgie is upset (her companion is terrorising others and feeding from their fears, while he used to be her domesticated pet), but Melanie’s reminder is also noteworthy – is the Admiral even able of moral reasoning? Listen to Season 4’s Q&A for Jonny’s stance on the subject.

* (And I love that it settles on: he’s still a cat, acting as a cat, and enjoying being a predator. Doesn’t make him evil. But the circumstances in themselves have “nothing natural” about them, and that’s still their main problem.)

* ;; That was a nice echo to Jon mentioning earlier in the episode how Georgie is with “people in her care”: right now, there is still the group of predators to protect, so as much Georgie might love the Admiral… still a risk. Same thing as with Jon before, and Georgie trying to get him out in order to protect Melanie.

- Was that a frigging reference to the Giant Crab That Lives Under The Archives meme.

(MAG191) MELANIE: [SIGH] You’re not still going on about that… dream of a giant, murderous tunnel-cat, are you? GEORGIE: [CHUCKLE] MELANIE: You know you’re not actually a prophet, hon?

Because it sure sounded like it. (Also, Georgie’s dreams are cool.)

Once again, I’m super happy that we heard Georgie and Melanie interact mundanely!! Because they sound like an old married couple, too, now! The little endearing “hon” and tender needling while reminding Georgie that no, her dreams are not prophetic and they don’t know what would truly happen if they brought the Admiral back with them. I also like that it wasn’t one-sided and that both were able to contextualise in order to comfort the other at different point:

(MAG191) GEORGIE: And it’s not like the tunnels have gotten any safer with them hanging around. MELANIE: It just feels crap, you know? Doing nothing. GEORGIE: We’re surviving. And… trying to help others do the same. That’s not nothing. MELANIE: True. Even if it feels like it sometimes.

Melanie reminding Georgie that the Admiral is a cat by nature, Georgie reminding Melanie that “surviving” is still something (and a lot, given the current world). It was also a nice view of their respective personal weak spots – Georgie, the companion she lost; Melanie, her frustration at perceiving herself as useless and static at the moment.

- Loving the transition from the Admiral to Jon.

(MAG191) GEORGIE: [SIGH] I still care about him, you know. But… getting involved will only make things worse. MELANIE: We’d better still be talking about the Admiral. GEORGIE: [INHALE] Jon’s… doing his best.

Jon Is A Cat. (And Melanie absolutely understands that, since she understood the transition.)

- I love that both Melanie and Georgie are absolutely aware that no, Jon didn’t want the apocalypse to happen and shouldn’t be held responsible for it…

(MAG190) GEORGIE: … Melanie reckons you’re the reason… all this happened, whole apocalypse thing. ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] She’s… not wrong. GEORGIE: [LONG EXHALATION] ARCHIVIST: I was… the catalyst, I–I didn’t… Elias– Jonah Magnus used me. GEORGIE: Well, obviously. Even Melanie doesn’t think you’d have been stupid enough to do this on purpose.

(MAG191) GEORGIE: It’s not his fault…! It’s not like he wanted it to happen. [DRONE FLYING] MELANIE: I know that! Right? I know. I know, but the… the truth is, I just don’t like him. I never have, and I am sick of people acting like I should feel so super-sympathetic towards him, just because he’s had a rough time of it. I’ve had a rough time of it from the second I met him! We all have! And he doesn’t– GEORGIE: Oh, honey… [SIGH] MELANIE: … Okay. I can still hate him, even if I don’t, y’know, blame him but… [FRUSTRATED EXHALE]

But also!! That Melanie!! Doesn’t like him! That Melanie is allowed to dislike him for her own reasons! I love that she’s allowed to feel that, to remind us that things also went downhill for her, and that she’s not presenting it as a competition in misery? Jon is our main character, we’ve witnessed his hurdles and only got a glimpse of the others’, so I appreciate the reminders that they’re the main characters of their own stories.

Still! My heart sobs a bit because I also like the concept of Melanie&Jon as potential friends (they were absolute nerds together in MAG076), and Melanie had offered the possibility at the end of season 4 (MAG157: “It’s, it’s okay. He’s… welcome. As a friend. But that’s it.”)… but once again, circumstances aren’t ideal and it’s a bit of a “things could have been different” in another universe, probably? Or even in this one, if Melanie had a chance to keep working on herself and her self-hate? (And, for little details as to why she could be annoyed at Jon at the moment: Jon haaaas been kind of an ass around her since they reunited – teasing about the cult while it was an obvious tender spot for Melanie wasn’t super sensitive of him. It’s Jon’s sense of humour! But it doesn’t have to work with everyone.)

- Aouch, I had mused and joked about Jon&Melanie’s common points (matching shoulder scars! Dating Georgie! Very passionate in their own fields about the supernatural! Jon pointing out that he also knew how it is to be looked down on by peers! Both tending to go it alone and to rely on themselves, having a hard time trusting, clamming up when they’re hurt!), but Melanie’s acknowledgement of it was heartbreaking:

(MAG191) GEORGIE: You know… you’re actually quite similar. MELANIE: Well, then at least I hate consistently. GEORGIE: … You should really talk to Laverne about that. MELANIE: Oh, trust me, it came up. Day one, I think. GEORGIE: [SAD SOUND OF UNDERSTANDING]

MELANIE ;___; It breaks my heart but also wow, I’m grateful for that punch, and super happy that she is aware of it, of how she works, that it ALREADY came up in therapy, right away… (I wonder if Melanie’s self-hatred came up in therapy right away, or specifically the fact that she was projecting her self-hatred on Jon. I’m cackling again at Laverne suddenly realising that Jon was “the” Jon Sims, as in Melanie’s old boss.)

- I LOVE MELANIE!! I love how she made it clear that 1°) yes, she’s aware that Jon didn’t doom the world on purpose or willingly, 2°) no, she still doesn’t like him, 3°) yes, she still thinks it would be the right thing to help him and offer him support. She’s allowed to have her personal feelings, to stick to them, but also to be rational about it and see that they need to collaborate if they hope to achieve something. And I love how it evolves into a conversation about what they could offer, concretely?

(MAG191) MELANIE: But all that said… we should still help them. GEORGIE: What could we even do for them if Jon’s some kind of… all-knowing demigod? MELANIE: Not down there. Martin says they can’t find a way up into the Institute. GEORGIE: Too risky. I told you about the things down near the stairs, right? MELANIE: I, uh, yeah.

Melanie is already aware of Jon’s weak spot, that he can’t know in the tunnels, and that they need help to reach the Institute!

I’mmm a bit curious about the logistics of things: first, it’s likely but not absolutely confirmed that the “Watchers” guarding the stairs are the Archivists Jon mentioned (notably, the first were described as if they are static, while Jon mentioned that the Archivists move around); second, I’m a bit curious about which stairs are the stairs that are alluded to (and where they lead):

(Season 5 Act III trailer) LAVERNE: I, uh… I got a bit too close to the stairs, yesterday.

(MAG191) GEORGIE: Too risky. I told you about the things down near the stairs, right?

It’s “down”: does that mean the Watchers are stationed at the bottom of the stairs, and the stairs are going up? It feels like the option that makes the most sense considering they are in the tunnels – and we know that the trapdoor in the Archives leading down to the tunnels was hiding stairs (Jon described them as such in MAG041). So it could be that set of stairs, leading up to the Archives. Another tiny possibility is that those stairs… are actually going down, deeper into the tunnels: towards where the Panopticon used to be? (It’s mostly that I tend to automatically picture said stairs as going “up”, back to the Institute/what is now the Panopstitute… but technically, this hasn’t been said any of the multiple times these stairs were mentioned. And we know that the tunnels had multiple levels, going deeper and deeper.)

… Whether the Watchers are the Archivists or those are two different things, though, I feel like Georgie’s wording was indeed reenforcing the idea that the Watchers were what caught and snatched back the survivors they had managed to free:

(Season 5 Act III trailer) LAVERNE: I, uh… I got a bit too close to the stairs, yesterday. [ANXIOUS NOISES] UNNAMED: [SHARPLY] Seriously? Did they see you? LAVERNE: No. But… there were more watchers. CELIA: What do you mean “more”? There’s two, one each side! LAVERNE: Not anymore. I didn’t get a good look, but… there must have been four, or five. […] ARUN: Have faith! The prophets shall protect us. UNNAMED: [SNORT] Like they protected Song and Christopher? LAVERNE: Hm. ARUN: That was our fault! UNNAMED: Uh–huh! ARUN: We became arrogant, attracted attention. They’re the Chosen, they’re not all-powerful.

(MAG190) GEORGIE: … There are seven with us now. [SIGH] It used to be more. A lot more. But, hum… we got greedy. Pulled too many out. We… attracted attention. And… well, now there are seven.

(MAG191) GEORGIE: Too risky. I told you about the things down near the stairs, right? MELANIE: I, uh, yeah. GEORGIE: We can’t afford to attract their attention.

They lost people because they “attracted attention”…

- I! love! Melanie!

(MAG191) GEORGIE: We can’t afford to attract their attention. MELANIE: … You’re doing it again. GEORGIE: [FRUSTRATED] Argh! MELANIE: Look, you–you’ve been doing so much better recently. I, I know it’s really hard to judge risk without a, a sense of fear– GEORGIE: But I am still… overcompensating. MELANIE: Well, I mean, not, not necessarily? It is dangerous. But…

I love that she bluntly pointed out to Georgie that she was “overcompensating” again, and given Georgie’s reaction, that she’s aware that she tends to do that, that she agrees about it, that she knows it’s not a good thing, and that she’s trying to work on it! Once again, it was really super cool to see Melanie&Georgie interact like this, because we could see they were familiar with each other’s way of thinking, of their own potential spirals, and are able to quickly put a stop to them.

And it makes so much sense for Georgie! It’s not a big reveal, it’s something we could feel: we knew she couldn’t feel fear, she had pointed out herself that she tended to be cautious to make up for her lack of fear:

(MAG094) GEORGIE: Since that day, I’ve never been able to feel afraid. My fear’s just… gone. I’m not foolhardy. I can still recognise danger, and I understand the likelihood of harm, but actual fear? Simply not something I experience anymore. And I’ve never been able to figure out if it was cauterised, or… if it was stolen.

But it’s so nice to see it acknowledged as a fallible adaptive strategy, still potentially hurtful for Georgie and the people around her. It also adds some flavour to how she behaved with Jon in season 4, trying to rationalise why she wanted to cut ties with him after having tangible proof that he was entangled with and surrounded by danger?

- I love Melanie ;___;

(MAG191) MELANIE: But… I, I don’t see another way out of this? And, and I don’t intend to spend the rest of eternity sleeping in a tunnel playing “mystery tin”…! GEORGIE: … Not even if it was just the two of us? MELANIE: [SIGH] Oh, okay… Y–yes. Well… maybe… [INHALE] I, I could handle that for a bit. But if there’s even a small chance we could put things back?

It was such a contrast with Salesa: Melanie unhappy with her situation, agreeing that it could easily be more agreeable (if she were to be alone with Georgie)… but also firm on the fact that their current life (and their options for how to lead it) is not enough. Salesa chose to keep living in his own little bubble, protected and safe, even if it’s a solitary life and has its shares of misery (Salesa probably wouldn’t be drinking alone in the morning if he was as happy as he claimed, and he knew his future, at some point, would be to die, either at Annabelle’s hands or by ending his life himself). Melanie and Georgie have the same kind of security, are more or less in the same situation (they could keep going like this, sheltered from most of the horrors), but are taking an absolutely different stance.

- I also like the tiny note about the fact they have “always” been involved…

(MAG191) GEORGIE: … [INHALE] You’re right. I know you’re right. I just hate getting involved…! MELANIE: We’ve always been involved. Right? GEORGIE: Yeah…

Because: on a personal level, they did encounter the Fears even before meeting Jon (Georgie in her first year of uni, Melanie during one of her recordings). They were both marked by Fears before any dealing with the Institute. And even before that, well… the Fears were already around? Have been around for centuries, maybe the beginning of times? And right now, it’s more explicitly everyone’s problem.

- Feelings about Melanie and agency…

(MAG106) ELIAS: Whatever I’m planning needs to be stopped! Even if it costs a few lives. Including your own. MELANIE: Well, that’s n–not even– ELIAS: A rationalisation, of course. A lie, about your own selfishness, that you would rather be dead than trapped without the self-determination you prize so highly.

(MAG117) MELANIE: But I’m still fighting. [SCOFF] For all the good it’s done me! Still stuck, still miserable, still… angry. [CHUCKLE] New traumas, but they hurt just like the old ones…!

(MAG150) MELANIE: I didn’t say I was going to quit. I said: I’m not going to do my job. No researching; no filing; no… field trips. Nothing that is going to help the Institute in any way. I’ll still be around, I just…

(MAG155) MELANIE: No, Jon. I’m going to do it. [BREATH] I’m quitting.

(MAG191) MELANIE: A–a–at least now it’s on our terms! This way, you can get back to podcasting about monsters… GEORGIE: [CHUCKLE] MELANIE: … rather than hiding from them.

It had been pointed out multiple times that Melanie valued her agency! I’m so glad that she’s conscious that this is her way to take it back, while the Change had once again dispossessed her of it ;w;

- GEORGIE, I CARE YOU.

(MAG191) GEORGIE: Urgh! Don’t. I was just… thinking about that yesterday. How much I legitimately miss those shitty ad reads. You know, everything happened just as I was recording one? MELANIE: Oh, god, yeah! Hum, what was it, uh… GEORGIE: [PODCASTER VOICE] “Slaughterville…” MELANIE: [HAPPILY] Yes! GEORGIE: “The Town of a Thousand Corpses”! MELANIE: [CHUCKLES] GEORGIE: Some god-awful true crime thing based in a, a Colorado town where there were meant to be like… three serial killers or something. MELANIE: Jesus. GEORGIE: I was so proud of the script I did for it as well! I thought I’d really nailed that schlocky pulp vibe without it being super obvious that I was making fun of them.

That’s indeed a thought: what were you doing when the world ended? At least, we know for Georgie, and it’s hilarious =D I love how she acknowledges her shitty ads – and that she makes them sound terrible on purpose.

(What’s with Georgie and Slaughter-related content, though? The WTG episode that had been released had already been Slaughter-y, given Jon’s comment in MAG125…)

(Genuine avatars sending their ads to Georgie to advertise their activities, and Georgie finding the stuff they do ridiculous…)

- That’s a lot of people Doing Things For An Audience, recently. Arun reading books or his own creations; Georgie reminiscing about her podcast and toying with the possibility of performing in front of the others; the tape recorders spying on everyone…

- Harsh return to reality with Arun’s creations, but also, very valid reminder and concern:

(MAG191) MELANIE: … Come on. We’d better head back. It’s… probably not a great idea leaving that lot with Jon and Martin unsupervised.

Indeed, the other survivors are nooot meshing super-well with Jon&Martin. (But Melanie&Georgie being in the mix is not a guarantee that things will calm down ;;)

- And so, we got their final decision!

(MAG191) MELANIE: So… we help them? GEORGIE: Well… We’re not going up the tower, but… yeah. I want my cat back. [CANE TAPPING AS THEY WALK OFF]

Indeed helping/providing assistance, but not going with them! And Georgie’s conclusion was BADASS and VALID – that’s indeed the only way for her to get the right conditions to get the Admiral back.

Given that they mentioned it, I’m assuming that they will bring Jon&Martin to the stairs with the Watchers? Or perhaps Laverne will? Would they work as a distraction, would they be even noticed by the Watchers…?

- General musing:

* She’s not joined with the group yet, but as an alternative to enter the Panopstitute… there might be Basira, too? She was inside of the building when the Change happened, and left without any problem. Jon said that right now, she had inherited Daisy’s ability to ~carve her way~ through others’ domains: would it allow her to enter the Panopstitute in the same way?

* We still don’t know what is Jon’s domain exactly – only that Jon&Martin were heading to it during their journey. Is it the Panopstitute? The Archives? Beholding itself at this point?

* I really wonder how Jon will interact with other Archivists… would they feel like he’s just one of them? Would they feel like he’s special even amongst them? Would they attack him because he’s full of stories (and akin to an “Archive”)? … How are they currently fed, exactly? Do they observe the domains outside, or do they have to rip stories out of people? Was it what happened to the survivors that Melanie&Georgie lost…?

Nine episodes left ;_;

MAG192’s title makes me think of two Big Meanings that could allude to various things. Domains’ rulers (Basira?), “Archivist” lore, statement from an Archivist? Elias, Rosie? Or something that is already slated to be happening (Annabelle implied to Martin they would see each other again soon-ish, when they left Upton house)? It’s been two episodes in a row without a “statement” in some form (which only happened as part of the climax in previous seasons), it feels so strange, too…

[lu-undy]

Another one hehe, it's ok to take time 😅 Dell made some time traveling machine then he called Mundy to try it, Mundy decide to go back in in the day 1942 in France where Lucien was in a 20s-30years old. Mundy tried to talk the young Lucien 😁

Alright, this took the life and floof out of me. At first I didn’t like it but then I just couldn’t stop! Here it is, and I hope you enjoy it!! Also, I changed the year to be in the fifties or so ^^ Be warned, it’s more than 5k words ^^!

"You sure it works?" Sniper scratched his brow.

"Yeah." Engie answered confidently.

"And there's no danger?"

"Yeah, I saw Edison himself yesterday and Medic had a check-up on me. Nothing's wrong."

Sniper and Engineer were in the Texan's garage, in front of a tall box that looked like an old time telephone booth.

"So, where d'you wanna go? Or rather, when and where?" Engie asked with a proud smile. That telephone box was a time machine. 

Sniper frowned and tilted his head thinking hard. He could go back a decade or so, even a few decades, to see his parents again. Hell, he could go back and see real dinosaurs if he wanted to!

"Paris, 1953." Was his answer. Engie raised an eyebrow. 

"You sure?" 

"Yeah, Christmas day, wherever the French Ministry of Defense is." 

"Why?"

Sniper looked away. 

"There's a monument I want to see."

Engie half guessed where it was all going. 

"Alrighty then, get in, when you hear a beep, count to twenty and then open the door. Wherever you end up with that machine, you need to remember where it was, cause that's your only ticket back." 

"Anything I shouldn't do?" Sniper asked. 

"Like what?" Engie chuckled. 

"I don't know, to not change the past and stuff like that?" 

"Nah, it's fine. Unless you kill someone… Yeah, don't get your hands on a rifle and kill someone. And don't meet yourself. God knows what would happen… I guess that should do." 

"Right, kill no one and don't see any family, got it." Sniper repeated to himself and Engie opened the door for him to jump in. 

"And how long do I have?" Sniper asked. 

"Here, take this watch."

"Looks like Spy's." 

"Yeah, but it doesn't just turn you invisible. Press the button on the side three times and I'll know you're back in the machine and ready to make it back."

"Okay, I think I got it." Sniper took the watch and put it on. Then he stepped in the machine. Oddly enough, it looked slightly bigger on the inside than what it seemed at first. There wasn't much inside, its walls were all blue, the ceiling was white and there was a chair and a coat hanger. Sniper removed his hat and sleeveless jacket to put himself at ease before sitting on the chair. Engie gave him a smile and a thumbs up before shutting the door. Soon, Sniper heard a beep. 

"Right, here we go. One, two, three, four, five…"

When he reached twenty, he stood up and went to the door again. 

"Paris, 1953. He should be about thirty-odd years old now." 

Mundy put his hand on the door handle and pulled on it a bit. The door creaked slightly and he took a peek. Wherever he had landed was very dark. After making sure there was no one around he got out. 

"Ouch!" 

He bumped on something and heard wooden things tumble and fall on the floor. 

"Where the hell am I…?" 

He walked trying to grope for his way to any source of light while his back was hunched slightly. Sniper soon found the wall in front of him. His hands roamed on it until -

"Ah! Gotcha!" He flipped the switch and the lightbulb above his head lit up. 

"What the…? Engie, I think you got it wrong, mate…" He said, as if Englie could hear him. He realised he had landed in a broom closet. The wooden clinking sounds he had heard were the broomsticks falling to the floor. 

"Let's see." He pushed the door and looked left and right. "Bloody hell, he might have got it right after all." 

The walls were very tall and wooden. Portraits and oil paintings were hung there with elegant lamps with golden handles, that were decorated with tinsel and Christmas ornaments. The floor was wooden as well and as he looked at the ceiling, Sniper saw intricate white mouldings. 

"That's one hell of a posh building." Sniper exited the broom closet and walked around. His heels resonated on the wooden floor. Soon, he could hear the distant noise of incomprehensible chattering. 

"Where are you all…?" He followed the noises until he could see that he clearly was standing somewhere he shouldn't be. All the guests to the Christmas party were at the end of the corridor he was walking through. 

"Monsieur?" 

[Sir?]

A voice made him freeze. He turned and faced a waiter elegantly dressed in black and white. 

"Aucun invité n'est autorisé ici." 

Bloody hell they speak real French… Sniper thought. He blushed.

"Uh, you speak English?" 

"Yes, I was saying that no guests were allowed here." The waiter answered with an accent that made Spy look like he had none. 

"Ah, well, I-I uh… I was watching the paintings and I got carried away, my bad, really. Could you show me where the rest of the guests are? I'm afraid I got lost a bit." 

"But of course, pray follow me." 

Mundy stayed on the waiter's heels and soon entered a wide room with possibly more than a hundred people impeccably dressed, the sound of their chats rising in the air. There was a stage with some musicians playing in the background too, adding to the audible and visible Christmas atmosphere.

"There you are, Sir."

"Ah, thanks." 

Mundy looked at his attire and rolled his eyes. His Mann Co. red polo shirt and brown trousers wouldn't do. He looked right and left and quickly found the restroom. He headed there and slipped in. 

Sniper saw a man who happened to be roughly his height and build. He seemed already quite drunk judging by the way he struggled to maintain his balance, trying to redo his bowtie. Mundy made sure there was no one else in the cubicles before acting. 

"Bonjour." He tried his best to hide his accent but could almost hear Spy laugh at him for it… 

"Bonsoir." The man answered before squinting at his reflection on the mirror again.

[Good evening]

Mundy went to the restroom's main door and looked through the window. No one was immediately coming. He went for the poor drunk man trying to adjust his bowtie and knocked him unconscious before dragging him to one of the cubicles. He then swapped their clothes. Of course he kept his aviator glasses. 

When he emerged from the restroom again, he was wearing a black suit and bowtie with a white shirt. He even had kept the handkerchief in the jacket pocket. Now he could face it all and look for the man he had gone through all that trouble for. 

The main room with the guests was swarming with people. Men dressed sharp and ladies wearing colourful and elegant - albeit for him quite old-fashioned - dresses. 

"Right, now, time to hunt for him… Where are you?" He said to himself as he walked through people. He didn't know where to find him but Sniper knew he was wearing a black suit and tie… which didn't help at all because that was the case for most if not all of the male guests. 

"Argh, bugger, how the hell am I going to find you… If you were a panther, I'd know where to start but - oh, wait… You're a panther, you are a panther! I just need to hunt the same thing as you do and I'll find you. Pff, what the hell d'you hunt for…?"

Mundy pondered for a minute when he heard a group of women laugh on his right. He looked there and smiled to himself. 

"Of course, sheilas!" 

He headed in their direction and stopped walking when his eyes fell on a man, about a foot shorter than him, in a black suit and tie, a cigarette between his lips and his ice blue, almost grey eyes shining like he had rarely seen them before. His pitch black, silk hair was elegantly combed back except for a rebel front tuft that elegantly fell between his eyes. 

Mundy smiled. He had found him. He had found young Spy!

He stayed there and watched him from a safe distance, with half-lidded eyes and a dreamy smile on his lips. A waiter passed by and offered him some drinks but Mundy didn't even see him. All he could see was that elegant man, being what defined him best, the best womanizer on the face of Earth. 

Sometimes, a man would come and take a lady away from him but the man with the piercing eyes would wink at her and even if Mundy wasn't the one that this wink was destined to, he would blush.

"Almost fifteen years before and you still can't make the first step, hm?" 

Mundy's blood froze. He recognised the suave voice with the French accent. But how? He had his eyes on Spy right now, it couldn't be him talking and at the same time being five metres away, busy seducing any woman who happened to meet his gaze!

Mundy felt a hand on his shoulder and turned his head. 

"What the hell are you doin' here?!" 

Spy, the real one - well, the old one - was standing next to him as elegantly dressed as his younger self. 

"I could ask you the same question, you early stalker." 

"Pff…" Mundy chuckled. 

"So, what are you up to, Sniper? And what is that suit? Does it belong to the unconscious man in the restroom?"

"Well…" 

"Next time, knock out someone who actually is the same size as you."

"What are you talkin' about?" Sniper looked down at himself. "It's my size!"

"Mon Dieu, the keenest and quickest eyes I have seen and yet you cannot spot a man that is built like you…" 

[My God]

"Oi, I could, I just didn't have much choice, alright?"

"Of course, blame it on fate." 

They both chuckled at their own banter. 

"But you didn't tell me," Spy turned his piercing eyes to his friend. "What brings the man in a van in Paris in the year of our Lord 1953, hm?"

"I don't know really… I just… I wanted to see it with my own eyes."

"The photograph I showed you wasn't enough?"

"N-no, that's not what I meant. I mean… It's better with colours, and for real." 

Spy smiled and handed him a glass of champagne, which he gladly accepted. But Sniper's eyes never left Spy, the young one.

"What do you see?"

"I… The picture didn't lie, you really looked like that."

Spy raised a confused eyebrow.

"Did you think I tampered with the picture to look different?"

"N-no, I… Argh, I can't speak sometimes, I just sound stupid."

Spy smirked. He knew why Sniper was losing his words. 

"Ah, look at me… Black hair, no lines on my face yet, and as proud as a peacock." Spy felt nostalgic.

"Not really different from you now, eh." 

"Very poor lie." Spy snickered. 

"Not for the proud bit." Sniper teased. 

"Tsk…" 

They chuckled and tipped their glasses before taking a sip. 

"Ah, the champagne from the Ministry's receptions…"

"Takes you back, eh?" Sniper asked.

"You have no idea." Spy answered, a bittersweet smile on his lips. "But tell me."

"What?" 

"Why here and now?" Spy asked. "You could have chosen any destination, any time. You could have seen wonderful things, met legendary people, and yet, you chose Paris in the winter of the year 1953."

Sniper stared at the champagne glass in his hand. 

"It's that picture you showed me the other day when we were chattin'."

"What about it?" 

"I don't know… It stayed stuck to my head and I kept wondering."

"What would it look like with colours?" Spy asked. 

"Yeah, well, that and, uh… I wanted to know how you were before. If you've always been like that." 

"Like what?" 

"Like the spooky bastard you are, obviously!" 

They chuckled. 

"Well, why don't you go and see for yourself?" Spy suggested. "Go on then, go and talk to me."

"W-what should I say?" 

"This is entirely up to you, but I cannot talk to myself so go ahead, I will just stay here and hope I can remember the content of that conversation, as I cannot partake in it or watch it from close enough.

"B-but I don't know what to say…"

"Do it like I would." Spy smirked. "Improvise."

"Thanks for the shit advice, eh." 

"Fine, then a true piece of advice from me to you, to go and talk to the younger me - Mon Dieu, how strange this sounds - is go and seduce me."

"What?!" 

Spy couldn't hold back his giggle.

"Stop messin' with me."

"That look on your face was worth it, mon ami."

[My friend.]

"Screw you, Spook."

Spy laughed further. Mundy took a deep breath and wiped his sweaty hands on his thighs. 

"R-right, I'll try something."

Spy smiled maliciously and followed Sniper with his eyes. When he saw Mundy started speaking, he clicked on his watch and turned invisible before getting closer. He wasn't going to miss Sniper taking the first step on him for anything in the world. Also, now that he thought about it, he had just acted like the wingman to… his younger self? 

"H-hey there." Mundy said, his back slightly hunched and his cheeks pink already.

"Bonsoir." The younger Spy turned to face him.

[Good evening.]

Spy's eyes had always been that impressive then, eh?

"Gosh, even your voice is the same…"

The Frenchman raised an eyebrow. 

"The same as what?" 

"And the accent! Bloody hell, it's really you!" 

"Do I know you, perhaps?" 

"Ah, uh, n-not yet."

"Obviously." The younger Spy answered. "What is your name?"

"Mundy, you?" 

"Lucien." 

"Really? Is that your name? Not one of those Jean-Pierre or other names like a train with loads of carts?"

The man with the black hair chuckled and Mundy saw his pearly white teeth.

"Oui, I can assure you that Lucien is my name. Does it not suit me?" He asked jokingly.

"Yeah, nah, sorry, I'm just a bit… confused." Mundy answered.

"I can see that." 

Mundy looked around. Only a few ladies were orbiting around Lucien now but it was still too much for him and he didn't seem comfortable talking in front of them. 

"D'you… D'you mind if we go somewhere a bit more calm?"

Lucien looked around him and smiled. There was something he liked about the strange man with the sideburns talking to him, something strangely attractive, or attractively strange.

"Follow me." 

Mundy nodded and after crossing the room and taking some stairs, they found an empty smoking room. 

"Do you smoke?" 

"Sometimes." 

"Here," Lucien flipped his cigarette case open, "Help yourself."

"Good Lord, even the case is the same… and the cigs too…!" Mundy said as he took a cigarette. 

Lucien smiled and lit them both before they took a seat. 

"You seem to compare me to someone else a lot." 

"Yeah, well, there's this bloke I know." Mundy started. "He uh… He looks like you quite a bit. He's just a bit older." 

"Mundy?" 

Mundy's heart skipped a beat. Hearing his name uttered by that man, in that voice, that accent… It was surreal. 

"Yeah?" 

"Who are you? No doubt you know me, but I don't think I have ever seen you before."

"Y-yeah, well, uhm…" Mundy scratched the back of his head.

"And you clearly are not on the guest list either. I know every single one of the guests today. None of them are called Mundy. Besides, you clearly didn't make much effort to prepare for this reception."

Mundy's jaw dropped and Lucien puffed on his cigarette.

"H-how d'you know?" 

"Your beard resembles more a messy stubble than anything else. It is clearly not taken care of, your hair either. And this suit…" Lucien's eyes were as piercing as Spy's. "You have never worn a proper suit before. You didn't adjust the bowtie or the cuffs properly and I think it is slightly too large for you, even though the fashion nowadays leans towards larger cuts, this is too much."

"Bloody hell, it's really you…" Mundy muttered under his breath. 

"If you are talking about the man who is the best intelligence agent France has ever seen, oui, c'est moi."

[Yes, it is me.]

Lucien put a proud hand on his chest and bowed his head with the most smug grin.

"And still arrogant at that!" 

"Still?" 

"Yeah, well, uh… Nevermind." 

"But please, tell me." Lucien insisted. 

"What?" 

"Who are you?" Lucien repeated. 

"You don't wanna know how a bloke like me ended up in the French Ministry of Defense's Christmas party?"

"I'll find it out soon enough." Lucien said confidently. "Besides, you don't seem to be a threat."

"Nah, I'm not."

"If you didn't come here to threaten the security of my country, then it is none of my concern. I am more intrigued by who you really are."

"I'm…" Mundy closed his eyes for a minute, just to gather his thoughts. "You don't know it but uh… You've changed my life. You've changed my life, my days and my nights."

Lucien frowned. 

"You've… Argh… Remember I told you you look like someone I know?"

Lucien chuckled. 

"You never really stopped saying so." 

"Yeah, sorry, it's just… Anyway, that bloke who really looks like you… He uh… You taught him everything and if he is my friend now, it's because of you. Bloody hell, I hope he is my friend. I see him like a friend but…"

Lucien puffed on his cigarette and listened carefully. Mundy shook his head as if to shoo away his thoughts.

"Anyway, he's just a friend, eh. But, uh…"

"You clearly have fallen for him." Lucien calmly said and Mundy bit his lip in embarrassment. "There is no shame to have."

"How d'you know?" Mundy asked. "How d'you know I…"

"It's the way you can't find your words. And trust me, I have seen more people possessed by love than my age lets you guess." 

Mundy rolled up his eyes. 

Oh I know… He thought. 

"But please, come back to the tale you were telling me." 

"Yeah, well, that bloke, he, uh… I really like him b-but he doesn't know it, nah."

"Can't you tell him?"

"No! Oh God, no… He's a magnet for sheilas, that bloke, a bit like you."

Lucien smiled proudly.

"That doesn't automatically prevent him from appreciating the company of men." He answered. 

"You think so?" 

"But of course. Personally, I don't mind much. Well, to be nearer the truth, I should say that I couldn't care less. Man, woman… Bah, same difference as you say in English." 

Mundy opened wide eyes. 

"Y-you like blokes?" 

"I can, oui." 

"Oh my God…" Mundy slapped his forehead. 

"What does it have to do with me, though?" Lucien asked. 

"Everything! I mean, no, I mean… See, I know the ladies run after you like bees after honey, I saw them back there. So I'm thinking that it's maybe the same for my friend, eh?" 

"Maybe, but to each their own." 

"C-can I ask you something?" Mundy hesitantly asked. 

"You just did." Lucien calmly answered. "But go ahead."

"If I told you that uh, ahem, somewhere, or sometime, you'd meet an Aussie and uh… He'd be about my height, he wouldn't have a clue how to dress up or do anything fancy, and uh… H-he'd be a hunter, he'd live in a van, going through the desert and hunting."

"Hunting what?" 

"Depends, he'd take contracts. Most of the time it's just pest control but occasionally, he'd take down a man… N-not because he wants to but because he's just good with a rifle and… And some people you can't let live like… Like some of the Nazis you caught." 

Lucien's eyebrows jumped.

"Hm, I see." 

"What would you think of that man?" Mundy asked, fumbling with his fingers on the dark brown leather armchair.

Lucien smirked. 

"I would want to know him." Mundy's eyebrows jumped. "I've always had a weakness for the exotic and foreign. An Australian man, you say? That sounds exciting. Besides, if he is as shy and clumsy as you are, then I would definitely go and talk to him."

"Really?" 

"Oui. You seem to doubt my words a lot, but I am sincere." Lucien smiled. "What profit would I get to not be honest?"

"Y-yeah, I guess you're right." 

"May I ask, this man your heart is worried about, he is here, in this reception, non?" 

"S-sort of, yeah." Mundy frowned. "But how did you guess?"

Lucien gave him that trademarked smile of his, the one where his eyes read him as if he was naked.

"For a man as shy as you seem to be, to manage to burst in a reception such as this, with a suit that you 'borrowed' and talking to a stranger like me, well, it's either a lot of money that you are after, or something utterly priceless." 

Mundy was flabbergasted. Spy's mind had always been that sharp then, it was insane. 

"And when I say something utterly priceless, I mean someone that you attached yourself so deeply that you cannot possibly think of anyone else. You, Monsieur Mundy, are quite the romantic type, despite the lack of self-care. Oui, romantic and very faithful."

"How the hell can you guess all that?" 

"It is no guess. As I said, despite your timid personality, you didn't hesitate to breach these extremely protected walls for just a glimpse maybe, of the man your heart is now racing for. That is for the romantic side. The faithful one I get from your glasses."

"My glasses?" 

"You went to the trouble of stealing this suit from someone, but you insist on wearing your own glasses, which could not match less well with the whole attire. Shy and romantic makes you as faithful in love as you are to your glasses." Lucien crushed his cigarette butt in the ashtray as a professor would end the demonstration of a mathematical theorem.

"Bloody hell…" 

"Do I know him?" Lucien asked.

"Who?" 

"The man you love."

"Yeah… Yeah you know him very well actually."

"May I know who it is?" 

"N-nah, not yet… Not in the next fifteen-odd years, heh…" Mundy chuckled slightly. "Maybe one day I'll tell you."

"Should I then wait for a decade and a half?" 

"I'm afraid so." Mundy answered smiling. 

"I am way too impatient for that." 

"Oh I know…" 

"And if I really am like that friend of yours, then he surely knows that you love him." 

Mundy's smile vanished. 

"What?" 

"Mundy, you are atrociously easy to read."

"So you know who-?"

"Oui." Lucien stood up and went to the impressive dark wooden door. He looked back at Mundy who had lowered his head and was staring at his boots. They didn't match with the black suit trousers. "Mundy?" 

He raised his head. 

"See you in fifteen years." And Lucien exited the room, leaving Mundy alone. He looked down at his boots again, trying to understand what he should take from that conversation. 

"So, how did you find me?" 

Mundy got startled and put a hand on his chest as a silhouette emerged from a thin cloud.

"Bloody hell, Spook! I thought you were still downstairs!"

"You heard me say it here and now, I have always been awfully impatient." Spy joked as he sat down on the armchair that his younger self had used a minute ago.

"Yeah, well… Were you here all along?" 

"Oui."

"You heard everything?"

"And saw it too."

Mundy winced and looked away. He leaned back on his armchair and averted his gaze from Spy at all cost. 

"And now I have a vague memory of it as well. After all, you were talking to me. But tell me, how did you find me?" 

"Same as now." Mundy said. 

Spy felt his embarrassment. 

"So were you." He answered before silence fell. 

"Spook?" 

"Oui?"

"What he said about… The bloke I talked about. Is it true?"

"Oui." 

"So you know?"

"Oui." 

"Have you - have you known for a long time?"

"Quite a while." Spy answered simply. 

"How long?" 

"A few weeks now, roughly, but it strangely feels like decades." Spy scratched his head.

"Bugger…" Mundy hid his face in his hands. 

"Sniper?"

"What?" 

"Don't feel angry."

"I'm not, I'm just… I'm confused, alright? I don't know what to do, what to think anymore!"

"Why?" Spy asked calmly.

"Because you know!" Sniper stood up and headed away. He left the room and went down the stairs, rushing past people. He pushed them out of his way without apologising. He crossed the room when a hand on his arm stopped him. He turned and was about to roar at whoever dared stop him but his rage just vanished. 

"Mundy." 

He looked at his feet. 

"Look at me."

"Nah, mate, I-I can't." 

"Look at him." A voice whispered in his ear and Mundy yielded.

"Mundy," The young Lucien continued. "When I meet you again, in fifteen years, please remind me." 

"Of what?" 

"Remind me of the chat we had today." 

"You think you'll forget it?"

"Non. I won't ever forget the man who broke into the reception under the highest security just to have a chat with me." The younger Lucien tapped his shoulder. "Goodbye."

Mundy nodded and left. When he got in the time machine again, he clicked three times on his watch and counted to twenty...

That night, he spent it thinking in utter silence, in his van. Mundy needed to calm his racing brain but he couldn't help it, it was running as fast as a hamster in a wheel. 

Spy knew the truth. More than that, he had been knowing for the past fifteen-odd years now… 

A knock broke his train of thought. 

"Bugger off." 

The door opened against his expectations and his will. It revealed the silhouette of a man in a suit. Mundy sighed as Lucien entered and shut the door after him. He sat down on his worn out couch, next to him. 

"Mundy, we need to talk."

"I think I said everything already. You need to talk."

"Correct. I need to talk to you and ask you if you are upset or angry against me."

"No."

"But you still lock yourself up here because…?"

"Because I don't know what else to do." 

"Ah, I see." Lucien nodded. "May I tell you what I think?"

Mundy nodded, albeit still not looking at Lucien, who swiftly removed his mask. 

"We both know your side of the story. Aren't you curious to know mine?" 

Mundy shrugged. 

"Really? You don't want to know?" Lucien insisted. 

"What would it change?"

"You can't know if you don't know my version of the story." Lucien answered calmly and Mundy sighed. 

"Alright, go ahead."

Lucien cleared his throat. They were both sitting in the dark in the van and the small windows of it only let a very little amount of moonlight through. 

"You have impressed me today. Of all the places you could have gone to, of all the people… You could have chosen to visit your grandparents, your parents! And yet you chose Paris, 1953." 

Lucien paused. 

"I can only imagine how often you think of me, then; how obsessed you are with me. I don't take it strangely, countless people have before you. But you stand out, Mundy. There is one thing that that cohort of people do not share with you."

Mundy turned his head to ask why.

"Ever since I saw you at this reception, in 1953, your image never left me."

Mundy frowned. 

"The more I think about it, the more I think that in fact, you said it all in your first few words to me, in that smoking room. You said 'You have changed my life'. Did I? How so? Is it that I'm the first man you fall for?"

Lucien looked at Mundy's eyes. 

"Non, it's not that, I can see it in your eyes. What is it then?"

Mundy didn't answer. 

"Usually when I change people's lives, it is because I end it. But I didn't kill you and I never will, I can't. How did I change your life? Did you just mean that your mind was constantly busy with me? Was that it?" 

Again, Lucien looked for the answer in Mundy's eyes. 

"Non, it's not that." He sighed. "Whatever you meant by that is entirely up to you. I can but wonder. But I think you should know that I didn't tell you everything I thought back then, because I didn't know you as I do today."

Mundy raised a curious eyebrow. 

"When you asked me what I would think about an Australian man like you, I didn't tell you the entire truth. But it isn't because I wanted to lie. It is because back then, I didn't have all the truth. However, today, I do. Shall I tell you?" 

Mundy nodded slightly. 

"Bien." Lucien took a deep breath. "If I were to meet a man like you, I would first be curious as I naturally am. I would get to know you, through asking you directly, or digging around, on my own. But I confirm what I said fifteen years ago. I would definitely come and talk to you." 

Mundy was listening, his eyes riveted on the bit of sky through the window opposite them. 

"And what would I discover? I would confirm what I had guessed fifteen years ago already. You are shy and very faithful, but also passionate. And, growing older, I would realise that what lasts in life is what you have inside of you, not the shell outside. I would learn to accept the stubble and the sideburns, the hat and the glasses, the rifle and the van."

Lucien paused and smiled to himself. 

"More than that, I would fall for them all."

Mundy's heart jumped and his blood froze. 

"The van? I would try to spend more time there, if you are in. The rifle? Seeing it means that you are close by. The hat? Underneath it is a good man. The glasses? They hide beautiful, if shy, eyes. The sideburns? They are you as much as you are them. The hair? I would give a lot to feel it between my fingers."

Mundy's jaw had dropped as he stared at Lucien now, the shock of what he just said painted on his face. Lucien was still looking through the window. 

"I have fallen for you as much as you have for me. That is the difference between all these people who fell for me before you, and you. You, Mundy, and to put it bluntly... I find myself in love you."

Mundy put a hand on his mouth to cover his bewilderment. Silence fell. The Aussie was incapable of speech. 

"What you did today, or shall I say fifteen years ago, that is quite unlike you, Mundy. You behaved very bravely. Not to say that you are not courageous, non, I have seen you at work and you are remarkable. I mean for a man as shy as you to choose to tell me that you love me, even if it's fifteen years in advance… It takes some courage. Especially as I am sure that deep down you knew that however twisted you would make your story sound to me, I would understand that the message in its most essential form was 'I love you'."

Mundy sighed and Lucien wrapped an arm around his shoulders. 

"I love you too, Mundy. You don't have to feel strange about it. You don't have to hold yourself back or think that whatever you feel for me is at best a dream or at worse, wasted." 

Lucien smiled before continuing. 

"And if you can accept the same man that you saw today but with fifteen more years, grey hair and lines on his face, then that poor old man would be delighted." 

Mundy looked at Lucien. 

"I…" He finally broke his silence. "I love you." 

"Thus fulfilling your promise." Lucien answered. 

"What promise?"

"You had said that in fifteen years you would tell me who was that man you kept in your heart." Lucien smiled. 

"Yeah, well… It's you."

"Likewise."

"But wait," Mundy frowned. "You knew I loved you and you waited fifteen years like that?"

"I didn't know if I would love you back. Even though, your clumsiness that night was absolutely charming and I did wish that I could find someone like you, someone spontaneous, almost naive, very raw in your emotions, very true to yourself."

"Your complete opposite, eh?" 

"Oui, indeed." They both chuckled. 

"But someone who is passionate, faithful and honest, someone who would be the reason I want to open my eyes every morning, if it is to spend the day with them."

"You're romantic too, eh?"

"Overly so. It is almost a curse." Lucien answered with a smile before looking back in Mundy's eyes. 

"I… I love that about you." Mundy said before leaning his head on Lucien's shoulder. "That, and all the rest actually."

"I am glad you do…" 

Mundy felt that the sentence was left hanging, as if Lucien wasn't sure how to end it. 

"...mon amour."

[...my love.]

Mundy closed his eyes and smiled. He blushed when he felt and heard Lucien kiss him on his hair.

[the-voltage-diaries]

I’ll Stay by Your Side, Every Night - Soryu Oh

For our very own, @joaxotome​; one of the sweetest, kindest, and most amazing humans I have had the honour to meet. I don’t think I write Soryu that well, because the last Soryu piece I wrote was over a year ago lmao, but I tried. I hope you like this, Joanne. Thank you for being such an amazing ball of energy who can cheer anyone up in a mere few seconds. Love you. <3

Also, since you said you love yourself some angst to love, I tried to make it come true. Cheers to me writing better Soryu fics, hahaha.

This one’s for the discord exchange, and I’d just like to take a moment to thank our very own @voltage-vixen​ for hosting this beautiful event <3!!

TW: Angst (with fluff... or so I hope.) This work is based around the ideas of abuse; mental, emotional, physical. If you are in any way uncomfortable with that, do not read this. 

“Are you going to cry now?” He smirks, his eyes glinting in a way that make the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

All I see is black as my eyelids force shut, not wanting to look at his face for a second longer, too scared to think about what will happen to me if I do.

“Hahaha,” he laughs and I sense him bending low, his face coming closer to mine. “Look at you, scared and shivering like the mess you are.” I shift uncomfortably, feeling his breath creating warm spots on my neck as his voice lowers, almost down to a whisper, “You asked for it, baby.”

“Ugh!” I jolt, my groan muffled against the cloth stuffing my mouth when I feel his fingers stroke the sides of my waist, teasing, testing the waters.

And then, before I know it, his palm comes to rest on my chin and in one swift motion his fingers pull out the dirty piece of fabric gagging me. My eyes burn with unshed tears at the pain in my mouth, caused by the sudden pull, and I take a deep breath, refusing to admit defeat in front of this bastard.

It’s okay. It’s okay. It’ll be okay. I’ll survive. I know I will. At least I hope I will.

“Baby,” he purrs, almost as if coaxing me, “Open those beautiful eyes of yours for me, won’t you?”

My breathing shallows and goosebumps show up on my skin at the nickname, the way he calls out to me in that god forsaken voice.

His rugged fingertips graze the corners of my jaw, almost as if luring me back into him, back into that web of pain, lies and suffering. “Look at me,” he whispers, and I shiver at the tilt in his tone, reminding me of the days when things between us started to go awry. “Don’t worry Joanne, I’m not going to hurt you.”

Just as his fingers tighten around my jaw, I hear the sound of a mobile ringing. He clicks his tongue in annoyance, and my sigh of relief goes unnoticed. I hear his footsteps as they back off and walk in the direction of the device which refuses to stop ringing.

My guess is that he picks up the incoming call, because no sooner than his feet stop do I hear him let out a muted, “What is it?” Again, I hear his footsteps move away, and then a door opens, and then it shuts. And then? Complete silence.

My uneven breaths echo in the silence so eerie you would hear it if a snail moved.

As I try to calm myself down, my mind chooses the worst distraction it possibly could have; my past with this man.

When did we become like this? Why did we become like this? What went wrong?

We had started off on such good terms. Both of us were madly in love. He was the perfect boyfriend; he would take me out on dates, message me constantly, shower me with his love, call me nicknames, spend time with me... or so I thought.

About a year into our relationship I realised how badly had I fucked up. I realised how blind I was to the changes in his behaviour; the way I didn’t notice how him taking me out on dates turned into him forcing me out when I didn’t want to go, just to show me off as his trophy girlfriend, how his constant messaging turn into something obsessive, how him showering me with his love turned into showering me with his abuses, how calling me nicknames turned into calling me a whore or a slut whenever I so much as even looked at someone else, the gender didn’t matter, how him spending time with me turned into him gluing himself to my side, never once leaving me.

Always on the look-out for when I’d commit even the slightest of errors. Because then he would unleash all his names, curses, abuses at me; making me feel like I didn’t deserve to be loved.

Well, maybe I didn’t.

Over time, those curses and abuses turned physical as he turned more violent, slapping me or beating me up for even the most minor of mistakes. Those verbal slurs turned emotional, making me feel like I didn’t deserve to be alive. Hah, what a cheeky little failure.

“Heh,” I scoff at myself, laughing at how naive I was to not realise when our love turned into something that would make most people sick to their core.

What makes me feel the most miserable about our past is that I allowed myself to be used and abused. Even when he didn’t reply to my texts, ignored me for days sometimes, and clearly had stopped even so much as glancing my way... I still hadn’t given up.

Not until that one fateful day when I saw him. In my bed. With not just one, but two bloody women.

Silly girl, one of his sex friends had said, smirking in all her naked glory, can’t you see the truth right in front of you? This is his little kingdom, and you’re not the queen anymore.

“Argh,” I groan, my thoughts coming back to the present when I feel my bound wrists numb with pain at a tear in the thin skin that covers them. Rolling my shoulders to forget about the pain for the time being, I pull at the rope tying my wrists behind my back, in futile hopes that it would come loose.

“Ah, I always loved the feisty side you hid underneath all that cute drama.”

I jump and my body freezes in its spot, my eyes widening at the proximity of his voice.

In my peripheral vision I see his face, his chin coming to rest on my shoulder with him standing right behind me.

When did he come back?

“While you were too busy reminiscing about the beautiful bubble you had created for yourself with me,” he chuckles, as if reading my mind. Looking at the way my eyes refuse to un-widen, he continues, “You were always easy to read. Now weren’t you, Joanne?”

“Why are you doing this?” I whisper, my head bent, refusing to stay up any longer.

“Because, Joanne,” he starts, a lewd smirk lining his face when I let out a choked sob on the use of my name, “I want you to have your epiphany.”

“My what?” I ask, looking up at him, wondering if I heard him right.

“Your epiphany,” he repeats. I feel the throbbing in my wrists relax as the ropes slowly come undone, surprising me. He slowly walks around me, coming to a stop just in front of me. My heart only pounds faster when I catch the glint of the knife in his hands. “I want you to realise what a useless little bitch you are without me in your life. Nobody loves you, kitten. Nobody did, nobody would.”

“Stop...” I whisper, bowing my head in defeat, trying to mute out all his words in an attempt to stop them from having their effect on me.

“You, Joanne, are a pretty little good for nothing.” He smiles, his palm resting on my shoulders. “Your friends run away from you, your peers refuse to talk to you. Ever wondered why?”

No, Joanne. Don’t listen. It’s okay. It’ll be okay. Every thing will be fine. Just breathe.

“Because, oh darling,” he murmurs, dragging the knife’s tip up my neck, slowly, “you are so very broken and no one cares to notice.”

“I trusted you,” I say, finding the courage to meet his eyes from god-knows-where. I meet his challenging gaze head on, trying to sound as angry and frustrated as I feel, “I trusted you so much.”

“Well then you can’t exactly blame me, can you? It was your mistake.”

“What the fuck do you want?!” I yell, immediately regretting it when I see how his smile turns from teasing to predatory.

“What do I want?” He mutters, bringing his face so close to mine I can feel his disgusting breath on my lips. He drags the tip of the knife lower... and lower... and lower, until it reaches my abdomen.

I can’t think.

“You want to know what I want, Joanne?”

I can’t breathe.

"I want so many things," he whispers. "I want your mind. Your strength. I want to be worth your time." 

His eyes hold me still, as if commanding me to stay where I am.

His fingers graze the hem of my top and he says, "I want this up." He tugs on the waist of my pants and says, "I want this down." He touches the tips of his fingers to the sides of my body and mutters, "I want to feel your skin on fire. I want to feel your heart racing next to mine and I want to know it's racing because of me, because you want me. 

And then I hear the sound of something sharp piercing skin, and the sound of blood oozing out. My eyes slowly travel down to look at my waist where the knife rests, buried deep in my body.

Because you never, " he breathes and pulls me up to him, and looking up, in the depths of his eyes I see the formation of something that makes me lose my mind, "never want me to stop. I want every second. I want every inch of you. I want all of it." He smirks, pushing the knife deeper into me as his fingers come to rest on my chest, where I feel my heart pound, "I want your soul."

And I drop dead, all over the floor.

“Joanne?” I hear a voice call out my name. It’s almost distant. Almost.

All I see is pitch black as I feel my heart pound out of control and my body grow hot.

“Joanne, love,” The voice says, insistent, and it’s as if my body automatically relaxes a little at the familiarity of it. “Can you hear me? Wake up, baby.”

I feel the urge to reach out and grab at the voice, and so I do. I stretch out a hand into the darkness that surrounds me, in the hopes of grasping on to something, not knowing what it is.

“JOANNE, WAKE UP!” I sense someone’s fingers curl around mine, grabbing my outstretched hand, and pulling me towards a strong, warm chest, immediately jolting me awake.

“Wha-What?” I whisper, not quite catching up with what is going on. All I see in front of me is a navy blue hoodie, covering a broad, strong frame, and I look up to meet a familiar pair of eyes, as calming and deep as the ocean.

“Hi,” he says, giving me a relieved smile. But for some reason, while my body calms down, my mind delves right back into the state of panic as I feel my nightmare overlapping with my reality.

“Get away from me!” I yell, pushing him away, and jump away from the bed, running to the opposite end of the room.

“Joanne?” He calls out, his eyes widening in surprise, maybe not expecting me to run away. Oh no, maybe I angered him. Maybe he will beat me up now. Oh no.

“Don’t take my name!” I say, covering my ears. I can still hear his voice ringing in my head, letting my name out from his sickening lips.

He gets out from the bed, slowly, steadily, and looks at me with a warm, comforting gaze, “It’s me, Joanne. It’s Soryu.”

“S-Soryu?” I murmur, slowly looking up to meet his eyes. I try to calm my ragged breathing down as I gradually start registering what is going on. But the moment he takes a step towards me, I immediately jump back.

“Love,” he coaxes, “at least let me clean you up. You’re all sweaty.”

Wait. I am?

It’s when he says that do I notice the state I am in; my face wet with tears, my body sticky with sweat and my fingers trembling with fear.

‘... Joanne, I’m not going to hurt you.’

“Come here,” Soryu says, opening his arms for me.

“Why?”

“Just come here,” he mumbles, taking a step forward.

“No!” I shout, stopping him in his tracks as I flinch away. “You’re going to hit me.”

“I’m not going to hurt you, Joanne.”

“I’ve heard those words before.”

He looks at me, his hair still a mess, and in that moment in the pale moonlight he looks more handsome and more human than I have ever seen him. “I guess I’m asking you to trust me,” he says, opening his arms wide, once again, for me to fall into. 

I stand there, shaking in fear for a moment, but when I see his deep, grey orbs look at me with so much longing and care, I finally start to take slow, deliberate steps towards him.

Within a few steps, I fall into his strong embrace, letting it consume me and make me forget about whatever I dreamed of.

When his fingers comfortingly start stroking my back with extreme patience and give me that sense of security I was so desperately searching for is when the dam breaks and all the tears I had been holding in rush out.

He stands there, silent as a graveyard, patting my back in a rhythmic pattern, not once judging.

“Why are you doing this?” I ask not being able to think of an answer myself.

“Doing what?” He murmurs, his voice muffled by my hair as he rests his mouth against my head, kissing the spot before staying there.

“Treating me like a person,” I whisper.

“I’m doing this because,” he starts, pulling away to look in my eyes. His fingers gently grab my chin, guiding my face towards his, to make sure our eyes are locked, “I love you, Joanne.”

My lips form a smile when I realise how much he means every one of his words. “I love you too, Soryu.”

He smiles, his fingertips stroking my cheek, patient. His other arm wraps around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

“What are you thinking?” I ask, my fingers reaching up to play with the soft fabric of his hoodie.

“I’m thinking of how I want-” he stops when he sees my face go pale.

‘I want your soul.’

“Never mind what I want,” he whispers, effectively stopping me from going too far into my nightmares again. “What do you want?”

“You.”

I suck a breath, surprising myself at how I don’t even waste a second to say it to him.

Always you.

“Love,” he brings his face closer to mine, his voice low, “You already have all of me.”

I gasp at the amount of emotion in his voice, the ineffable level of care those eyes hold for me, and he bends lower, his lips almost touching mine.

“May I?” he asks...

... when he doesn’t need to. I smile, gently standing on my tip-toes and pressing our lips together.