#while ey makes hj worse

[homeless202]

thinking about Eunyung breaks my heart bc remember when he had a problem with stealing and managed to stop? but even then he still got accused of stealing and no one believed him when he said he didn't do it except for Haejoon?

or when he finally got a job at the restaurant aka a (somewhat) honest way to make money and afford to buy his own things? but he wasn't officially employed bc he's too young and got fucked over by his employer and got beat up by the guys at the playground during thanks giving when Haejoon spent days looking for him?

or when he the dorms filled up and he got that shitty roommate? the one he tried to get along with since the beginning but the mfer just wanted a room cleaner and free food? when Haejoon stepped in with the pan when the guy wanted to punch Eunyung?

<- these are all instances where Eunyung tried so hard to live a good and honest life, go on a straight path, be an upstanding citizen and a good person. every single time that shit blew up in his face royally and his efforts had gone to waste. he tried so hard and nothing came out of it. the mere thought makes pieces of my soul die.

---

this goes to show how hard it is to pull yourself out of where you started. the thing is, familiar things are magnetic. if you grew up surrounded by bad influences, you'll naturally gravitate towards them, no matter how hard you try get away, move on, do better. bc we naturally feel a pull towards things we're familiar with, things we know. think 'comfort zone', and how hard it is to get out of it.

that doesn't mean it is impossible to leave them behind, but it takes lots of time and effort, until you get used to the new good influences. until you learn to feel comfortable with what you're unfamiliar with.

you try, fail and try again. it's hard, but doable. when the universe throws lemons at you, you pick them up, squeeze them all into a water gun and shoot. aim for the eyes.

[soobrat]

fuck up my life; hjs

milestone celebration masterlist

˗ˏˋ🎧´ˎ˗ pairing; han jisung x afab!reader (+ lee know)

˗ˏˋ🎧´ˎ˗ words; 12.3k

˗ˏˋ🎧´ˎ˗ genre; smut, angst!!!

˗ˏˋ🎧´ˎ˗ warnings; very toxic relationship, two deplorable dirty cheaters, public sex, mutual masturbation, choking, very rough sex, bondage, ball gag, unprotected sex, slut shaming, large cock, dubcon(? just to be safe), slapping, squirting, spanking, biting, casual sex, you're going to hate mc and Jisung they're horrible people and just when you think it can't get worse hooooo boy

↻ ◁ || ▷ : If you can't set aside your morals for a story centered around two cheaters, I don't blame you, but this fic ain't for you lol. This is the first part of the second story! I'm so late to 1.5k that we're close to 2k, so I can't wait to start writing that one. Right now I'll just focus on the other two parts of this :*)

act i ➻ yeah right

Your blue eyeshadow was too flashy. Your cut crease and eyeliner too sharp and intense. Your overlined nude lipstick was downright gaudy. Feeling pleased, you stand from your vanity and inspect your outfit in the full-body mirror to your left. 

The thin silk fabric cinched in slightly at your waist, accentuating your breasts and hips. You’re basically telling men to look at them. Oh, and that slit. You turn to get a better look at it, tsking when you catch a glimpse of the swell of your ass. With how high the slit runs up and how short the dress is to begin with, you might as well just go out in your underwear. You looked like a cheap, tacky whore.

It was perfect.

With one last look in the mirror, you adjust the collar of your dress. With there being no sleeves on your dress or anything covering your shoulders, the thick piece of fabric was the only thing keeping you from flashing the entire club. Long strips of silk cascade down your back after you tie it securely around your neck. 

You flounce past your drunken boyfriend on the couch, the loud click and clack of your D’orsay heels taunting him to take a look. He scrambles to sit up and doesn’t bother turning off the TV. He’s annoyed but not that bothered by you leaving the house in this state.

“What, are you going out to find someone to fuck?” He slurs. You spare him by not even glancing once. You’re sure he doesn’t want to be seen when he’s being a belligerent fool. “Huh? Is that what you’re doing? You look like a prostitute!” He yells more frantically when he realizes he’s not deterring you. You snicker before finally looking back at the poor man. His shirt is more stain than polyester and his blue-striped boxers sit crooked on his hips. His hair is a mess and he can barely keep his eyes open.

“‘Twas the goal, my love.” You smile with a wink before leaving him to drink himself to sleep.

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

You hadn’t been to The Eve in years, since before you were cleansed. You enter and become engulfed by the pulsing music and dancing bodies. Looking around you can’t help but smile. This is where you belong. Across the room is a man who doesn’t share this sentiment. He feels out of place. He glances around nervously at the shameless PDA and lousy dancing. He should be at home with his loving girlfriend. 

Jiwoo is breathtaking. Her expressive eyes and radiant smile keep his lungs in constant lockdown. It’s true that she and Jisung are extremely different. She’s an early bird while he’s a night owl. Her active lifestyle makes Jisung seem sedentary. Also, she doesn’t want to have sex much at all. And when they do have sex, it’s vanilla missionary. At the beginning of their relationship, Jisung was convinced her lifestyle just needed some getting used to. Three years later and he's only gotten less strong-willed. He’s suffocating.

He needs to breathe.

Jisung has been off the market for quite a while now. After moving in with Jiwoo, his priorities shifted. He’s not a kid anymore. It’s time for him to get serious and settle down. So, no, Jisung hasn’t been to a club in a minute. It was all stressing him out, but he was dressed up and he was already here. He should at least get a drink.

One drink becomes two and two become four. Jiwoo would be pissed. He already feels guilty about keeping how he’s feeling a secret, and now he’s drunk and alone. He can already hear her lecturing him. He laughs to himself, forehead thudding on the surface of the bar. 

Everyone around him looks so carefree as they dance and shove their tongues down each other’s throats. How do they do it? Maybe he should get up and try. The dancing part, of course. Maybe he was drunk. Pushing through the sea of bodies was a blur. He was just determined to get somewhere in the middle. The more he’s completely surrounded, the more immersed he feels in the atmosphere. He gets it now, he sways his body to the music.

The people surrounding him brush against him, sometimes even knocking into him. It only helps him levitate higher. With an extended exhale he floats until he’s hovering in the atmosphere. A body brushes against his front, pulling him back down to Earth. His eyes travel down to an ass against his crotch. Electricity crawls up his legs, prickling at his skin. He doesn’t realize his hands are resting on your waist until the fabric of your short dress rides up.

“At least tell me your name before you take my clothes off.” Your voice is sweet, seductive, it makes his head swim. He yanks his hands away and tries to back up only to bump into someone behind him. His body is propelled back into you, and your behind is back against his groin. He groans, hands gripping your upper arms to keep you at a distance. “What’s wrong babe?” His hands slip from your soft skin as you flip around to face him.

The face put to the seductive voice was a near perfect match. There was a look of intrigue behind your alluring gaze as you examined Jisung. He couldn’t help feeling a hint of danger as you looked him over. The way you hold yourself indicates explicitly how confident you are. As your eyes travel back to his face he nearly flinches from the sharpness of your eyes. Did you think he was pathetic? 

Jisung clears his throat and squares his shoulders. Your smirk and snort make him shrivel up again. You lean in with an earnest look on your face.

“You seem like a sweet guy.” You smile before sauntering elsewhere. Jisung looks down, alarmed by his hand reaching out for you. He physically pulls it back with his other hand. His encounter with you sobers him up immediately and he rushes out of the club. What he should be doing is being there for his girlfriend and being upfront with how he feels.

On the way home he chews on his lip, regarding the bulge in his pants nervously. He takes a shower before even thinking of crawling into bed with Jiwoo. He sighs deeply as he joins her under the covers. It’s warm and comforting, despite how his thoughts prod at him. He should wait until the morning instead of waking her. He extends his arm to hold Jiwoo but hesitates. His mouth falls open slightly as he stares at the back of her head.

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

“Jisung. Jisung!” His girlfriend’s annoyed voice jolts him awake. She throws a hand through her messy hair that just falls back around her face. He squints as the sun intrudes his eyesight, it was definitely way too early to be awake. He looks up and smiles groggily.

“Good morning.”

“Don’t good morning me, you made a mess!” She gestures agitatedly at the bed. Jisung pauses before ripping the covers away. The moist feeling against his hip and upper thigh becomes more apparent when he sees his soiled boxers and sheets. He looks up at Jiwoo as she makes a frustrated noise. She pulls the fabric of her nightgown, looking nauseated by the semen coating it. The throb Jisung feels in his groin is downright reprehensible. Whenever they have sex, Jiwoo makes him pull out and cum into his hand. The sight of his semen on her makes him aware that not only did he cum in his sleep, but he’s hard again. 

“Don’t just sit there, clean it up!” Jisung scrambles up from the bed, wrapping the comforter around him when he hears the increasing urgency in her voice. Jiwoo was repulsed by bodily fluids. Saliva, semen, sweat, all of it. She gagged once when he accidentally came in her mouth. The incident made both of them swear off blowjobs. Jisung was completely willing after the look on her face. He felt horrible. Yet here he is, getting turned on while she’s freaking out.

“I’m so, so sorry.” He laments as he rips the sheets off the bed. He watches with remorse as she rushes to the bathroom. His uncomfortable hard-on made him wonder what got him all worked up in the first place. He’s had many dreams where Jiwoo was a nymphomaniac and did unspeakable things to him. Even then, he only woke up with a boner, he never came in his sleep.

Dread fills his body as flashes of his dream enter his mind. That residual heat lingered the entire time he was awake, only now is he realizing where it came from. Images of you with your breasts exposed while bouncing on his cock fill his brain. 

“Such a sweet boy.” You moan lewdly.

Jisung shakes the dream away and clenches his eyes shut. It was because he was drunk. That was all. He loves Jiwoo.

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

You brace yourself as your hand wraps firmly around the doorknob. With a sharp inhale you push the door open and are immediately greeted with your boyfriend still on the couch. He had cleaned up, it was the afternoon after all, and he fixes you with a disappointed scowl. He takes the time to realize that you’re wearing another man’s shirt again.

“What the fuck-”

He rushes over to you and you raise your arms into the air expectantly. He grits his teeth before pulling the souvenir sweatshirt over your torso and head. This time he doesn’t toss it in the garbage, he angrily throws it to the ground. 

“I thought that would piss you off.” You grin, eyes tracking him as he fumes.

“Aren’t you tired?” He asks exasperatedly. A grimace flickers through your smile but you force it back. “Aren’t you?” You quip back, angling your face closer to his. Your heartbeat accelerates when he doesn’t move away.

“You want me to fuck you? Is that why you’re doing all of this?”

You bite your lip, not shying away from his aggression. “So why don’t you fucking ask like a normal person?” He shoves you backward and you hit the door. A moan is pulled from you involuntarily. He growls, unbuckling his belt before shoving his pants down. His hands are rough as he grips you, spinning you around and pushing you into the door. Anticipation rips through you until you’re close to trembling. He makes quick work of hiking your dress up and moving the shamefully thin fabric to the side. 

“This what you want?” He wraps his arm around your chest before shoving his cock inside you. You moan out, still not answering him. He squeezes your jaw hard with his other hand. “Fucking answer me!” His voice is piercing right next to your ear and you jump, pussy clenching around him. You whimper but your resolve stays intact. He grunts as he continues to fuck you in a position that curves your back uncomfortably. 

“You’re not answering because you know you’re a whore.” His voice wavers under the power of his thrusts. “Did you let him cum inside you?”

“You think I’m disgusting don’t you?” You moan. He doesn’t answer, giving you the same treatment you gave him. He instead wraps his hand around your throat and squeezes until your eyes roll back. He doesn’t speak anymore. The living room fills with grunts, heavy breathing, and the sound of his skin impacting yours. 

He shoots his load inside you with jerky thrusts, tightening his hand around your throat until your hearing and sight get cloudy. He lets you breathe before shoving you away. You gasp in air a little too quickly, losing balance from the shove and falling into a coughing fit. Your knees burn from scraping the floor after the impact. As dread starts to spread, you count in your head; 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6-

“Stand up.” His voice sounds uncaring but his hands are gentle as he lifts you off the ground. A genuine smile almost creeps through as you clear your throat. “Go to the bathroom and clean yourself up.” You can hear his bite start to wane. 

He took longer than last time but he still did it. He always comes around. 

Despite what he said, he ends up being the one kneeling between your legs while you sit on the toilet. You wince as he wipes between your folds. The cloth is damp and cold. He doesn’t speak the entire time. His jaw is tight and his thick, dark brows are drawn together. “I could do this myself.” You stare down at him before sighing.

“Minho.”

He doesn’t answer.

“Do you remember that shirt I wore in high school?” Minho’s hand hovers in the air as he hesitates. You puff air through your nose as you smirk. “Because I’ll never forget how you scolded me. You were so nerdy with your glasses.” You giggle.

Minho continues wiping away at your mound. “You came stomping up to me and said “those words are inappropriate for school!” and told me to put on the proper uniform.”

Still nothing. Is he doing it because he knows what his silence does to you or because he genuinely doesn’t want to speak to you? The former is better, you can grapple with spite. But you can see his face softening. He’s reflecting on your fond memories, but he still says nothing.

“You never stopped. You’re still that nerd in the glasses trying to get me to behave and probably always will be.”

Minho finally looks at you. He scowls at you and you brace for him to blow up. But he just drops the rag with a gross splat before leaving the bathroom. You shoot up from the toilet.

“Yeah, I knew you wouldn’t like the sound of that.” You chase after him. “You want to give up don’t you?-” He slams the bathroom door in your face and you listen as his heavy shoes thud away.

Your nostrils burn with each inhale. The air is dry, you said that to him when you bought this apartment together. He didn’t listen to you.

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

Jisung was dozing off at work. It was his fault for jizzing in his sheets. He guesses Jiwoo could’ve just cleaned herself up and waited for Jisung to wake up to wash the sheets and scrub the mattress. But she didn’t and there’s no point in thinking about what if’s.

Still, he was probably gonna be here for a while. Probably gonna have to work overtime. He already planned to put his right hand to good use in the bathroom, making sure to stay quiet. Jiwoo would surely ask why he didn’t ask to have sex. She doesn’t know he watches porn or the type he watches. She’d probably faint, thinking the man she’d been with for three years was some debauched pervert.

Turns out he didn’t have to work overtime. He takes the extra hours at his disposal to take a walk through the city. He told himself he was just walking around aimlessly, but his feet were walking a specific route. Taking him to a place he should be swearing off. He can see the neon sign in the corner of his eyes, bright green and screaming at him. Walk past, you should be home by now.

He hesitantly peeks at the sign. If he were to walk in right now, would you be there again? Jisung curses under his breath, shaking the thought from his head. He shouldn’t be thinking such a thing right now. 

She was strange anyway, he thought. Calling him a sweet guy from such a brief exchange. What did she know?

Jisung eventually gives up on his walk, ignoring his brain screaming at him to take a peek inside. When he walks through the door Jiwoo is sitting on the couch, frantically nipping at her nails. She shoots up when she sees him.

“There you are.” She breathes, as if she’d been holding it. She bounds toward him and wraps her arms around his waist, resting her head against his chest before he can even hang his coat up. “I was worried you’d be working overtime tonight.” She chuckles, failing to disguise how nervous she seems. With his features wound tight, he flicks his sleeve away to look at his watch. It’s 9 pm, she should be in her pajamas already and reading a book in bed.

“You waited for me?” He asks, puzzled. Though, he was more fretful than anything. 

“Yeah, I wanted to apologize.” She slowly pulls away, guilt weighing down her cute mousey features. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that.” Her eyes flit up at him before she shuts them with a sigh. “Or woken you up.”

Jisung blinks, realizing she probably saw his dark circles. His fretting got stronger the more she spoke and suddenly he found himself in total panic mode. "Y-you don’t have to worry about that! I’m the asshole. I knew very well you don’t like body fluids.”

“You were asleep, Jisung. How could you have known?” She implores. She was right, it’s not like he forced himself to cum. But that part was only a cover for what he was truly guilty about. If anyone should be apologizing, it should be him. Right as he takes a breath, Jiwoo is sighing and stepping away.

“I’m gonna go get ready for bed now. Oh, and–” Jiwoo spins back around and gives Jisung an emphatic look. “You’re not an asshole, Jisung. You’re sweet. The sweetest guy I’ve met.”

After Jiwoo is closed within the bathroom Jisung feels multiple emotions tugging at his stomach. He should tell her. About everything. How he still isn’t used to their different preferences. His browser history. Going to the club. The dream.

He rushes after Jiwoo, pushing the bathroom door open to see her naked body. She squeaks and covers herself up. “J-Jisung? What…”

When he feels himself start to get hard he immediately shuts the door. He could just relieve himself and try again later. But where? She was in the bathroom. She’d be pissed if he came anywhere else. 

He kneels on his bed with uncertainty before collapsing on his face. He definitely shouldn’t do it here, but he still starts jutting into the mattress. The comforter is wiped clean of her scent so his fantasizing was dulled. But he still humps with fervor, finding something inside him egging him on. He clenches the comforter and lets out a squeezed grunt once the shower comes on. 

Jisung has been a no-good boyfriend. Apparently her friends keep banking on her to be the first to get hitched in her friend group. If only they knew what he was thinking about right now. They’d beg her to break up with him, plead her to stop shopping for rings. Maybe one of them would even speak up about the sneaking suspicions they’ve been harboring this entire time.

“I knew he would do something like that. He looks like the type to have wandering eyes.”

He whimpers, hiking a knee higher to really press his groin against the mattress. “He definitely checks out other women, he probably does it shamelessly too.”

It would be Haseul, he can feel it in the way she looks at him. She knows, she can sense that he’s no good. Jisung unbuttons his jeans to let the tip of his cock peek out from under his underwear. It feels so hot and soft against his stomach that he’s able to ignore his concerns about making Jiwoo upset. He even spits into his hand, a thick glob like he fantasizes about, before smoothing it over his cock head. 

He moves to his knees, gripping his shaft with two hands and fucking into them. With puffs of airy moans, he lets his eyes flutter shut and fantasizes about spraying his cum all over the bed. Oh, Jiwoo would get so upset. She’d call him disgusting and probably kick him out. She’d break up with him because of how bad he is.

He’s so close he can feel the heat swirling in his groin but then the shower shuts off and he hurriedly stuffs himself back in his pants. As he zips and buttons himself back up he can feel that euphoria slipping away, leaving him cold and unsatisfied.

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

You linger outside your door a little longer today. You can hear the tv blaring behind it. Maybe if you come in later than usual you can conjure up some more of his passion. He’s been colder. You’re pushing it.

It was unlike you to be so antsy but the possibility of you getting to him made you open the door. Minho glances up at you, only to look back at the tv like it was nothing.

For the first time in years you felt wary about the shirt you borrowed from your escapades. You stand in the living room, waiting for anything. He could even break up with you and it’d be better than this. Feeling suffocated, you leave to your room. You barely got any sleep at your one night stand’s house. You couldn’t stop thinking about how you’ve entered a new phase. The one where they realize you’re not worth it. That you’re easy with no thrill.

You strip your clothes off and lift your covers, slipping beneath them. You angrily wipe away the tear that slips free as you lay your head on your pillow. This is what you wanted. You were asking for him to stop pretending to care about you. He’s finally done it.

When you wake up it’s dark out. Minho is nowhere to be found. Not in the bedroom, the bathroom, the kitchen, or the spot he’s carved out for himself on the couch. 

You wish you could track him down and force him to face you. What would you do then? You’ve tried pissing him off and pushing him until he has no choice but to blow up at you. What if he doesn’t do that anymore.

Your eyes scan the faces of each mid-height male dancing under the dim lights. They’re desperate to find those pouty lips. That annoyed stare that didn’t change the fact that he resembled a rabbit.

Him being here is past wishful thinking. Him being here means he’s decided to meet you at your level. It took a lot of letting him down to get him to even fuck you the way he does now. The day he becomes a degenerate to understand you is decades ahead, if you two make it that far.

You see a pair of glasses that feel familiar. Thinking of the Minho from when you started dating used to be sweet. But seeing those thick rimmed, square glasses make you sick right now. You clench your fists. Being in this atmosphere this long without a drink feels strange, but it doesn’t stop you from making your way over to the guy with the glasses. You shove at his shoulder, forcing his attention on you. 

Jisung stares at you like a deer in the headlights. He wonders if you somehow know about the naughty dreams he had about you, or that he’s happy to see you for the worst reasons. His thoughts won’t shut up. They indulge in the nasty fantasies while simultaneously telling him he’s a monster because of them. 

Jisung wipes his sweaty palms off on his t-shirt, only then do you recognize him. It’s hard to forget someone who wears a t-shirt to a club. The same person you saw nudging their way onto the dance floor seemingly in a trance. You’re still unclear why someone like him stumbled in here, or why he’s back.

“I-I’m sorry, you probably mistook me for someone else.” Jisung distances himself discreetly with a nervous smile.

“I didn’t.” You flash him the same smile you’re sure scared him off last time. You expected him to chase after you, but when you looked back, he was rushing out of the club. You should stay away from people like him. He’s practically trembling. Your eyes drag slowly up and down his frame. “You’re a sweet boy, you shouldn’t get involved with someone like me.” You say as if he told you he was interested. You’re being insanely presumptuous, but you have your reasons.

“I would never. I have… I have a girlfriend.” Jisung announces proudly. At that moment, the both of you come to an understanding. He got a boner when you guys danced together and now he’s unabashedly staring at your cleavage.

And Jisung? He’s aware of how obvious he’s being. The lust is as pleasing as it is painful. He’s drunk on it, eating up the black, strapless bustier hoisting up your tits and miniskirt tempting him to imagine your panties. His current behavior isn’t very sweet of him, you both think.

And it’s exciting all the same.

The lights bathe both of you in shifting hues as you swirl your hips against his groin. Your hand reaches to rest on the back of his neck, pulling him closer until his breath ghosts on your neck. Time is stuck in slow motion as you both relish in the teasing. It’s exhilarating, sending shockwaves through both your veins. 

Jisung’s breath labors more and more the further he gets into his fantasy. He’s already decided that your panties are red and lacy. The straps are thin and sit high on your hips. You have on a matching strapless bra and the cups cut so low that your nipples accidentally pop out when he yanks your top down. His burlish hands grope harshly at them while he bites your neck.

Your filthy moan makes his eyes snap open. His lips are actually on your neck and his hands have moved up from your hips to your breasts. Thankfully he didn’t expose you to the rest of the club, but that’s the least of his concerns. This is it. He can’t go back now. His erection is pressed firmly against you, riding up your skirt, and his hands are squeezing your tits. Jiwoo would be absolutely devastated. Fuck, fuck, fuck, desperation pleads and claws at him. Crippling shame and guilt wrack throughout his body.

This time a filthy noise leaves his mouth as his hips jerk against you. His cock is throbbing and his head is swirling with need. The fantasy has escalated. You’re gagged and bound, writhing underneath him. He grabs a handful of your pussy. He’s ripped from his fantasy once again once he feels lace on his fingers. Your face turns against his, your mouth grazing his cheek as you buck uncontrollably in his grip. Jisung grunts and presses you hard against him. Hot seed spurts up from his tip, soiling his underwear.

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

Jisung rushes home and slams the door behind him. He rests against it, steadying himself. His heart feels like it’ll give out. He can’t stop replaying what happened. It makes his knees weak and triggers a deep ache in his pants. It feels so fucking good to think about. It feels so incredibly bad to think about. Jisung collapses to his knees with an anguished sob. 

“I’m so sorry.” He sputters out.

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

Your routine was interrupted. You return later that same night to see Minho asleep on the couch. You wonder if he’d feel relieved if he saw you returning home early. 

He shouldn’t.

You’re still thinking about him. You don’t know his name and you’ve never seen anything but an imprint of his dick, but he’s running through your mind. You want fuck him bad. Bad enough that you’re touching yourself in bed. You let out a whine when the memory gets to the part where he runs away. He ran away from you again.

Now you know it’s because of guilt rather than being intimidated. There’s a chance you'll never see him again. It makes you more upset than you care to admit. You know what it feels like when you like someone. You avoid them like the plague and feel like throwing up at the thought of them. They make you imagine a bright future way too early. This is not that, but it’s not like your other one night stands either.

Thinking of him makes you think about the state of you and Minho. You sprawl out in your empty bed after climaxing. The cool parts of the sheets sizzle against your hot skin. You stare blankly out the window, hoping sleep will take pity on you and save you from your thoughts.

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

You sit at the edge of your bed for what feels like hours. Today you wish you could get to The Eve early. You’re disgusted with yourself. You want to plan your outfit and pick out something extra special. What the fuck is wrong with you. The door opening almost breaks you free from being locked in place. 

“Were you here all night?” 

You look up at Minho, who’s taken aback by the fear in your eyes.

“Are you okay? Did something happen?” His concern is strong enough to show on his face, but not to come further into the room. You bite your lip and focus back on nothing. 

“Why are you worried about me?” You ask in disappointment. It’s easy to understand why someone on the outside would think it was disappointment in him. It wasn't. 

He leaves after that. Either he asked himself that question and came to his senses, or–

You sigh, shakily standing from the bed. It doesn’t matter.

Later that night, Minho is gone again. Not there to see you dressed up with more intent than usual.

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

“What have you been up to lately?”

The question was like a metal pipe crashing into Jisung’s skull. He whips his head around to gape at her. The fear in his eyes catches Jiwoo off guard but she laughs it off.

“I’ve been washing more of your favorite t-shirts lately. I thought you only saved those for special occasions?” She wiggles her eyebrows at him. She’s being cheeky, but the bile climbing up Jisung’s throat doesn’t care about that. He should tell her now before it gets worse. She’s such a wonderful woman that she’d probably forgive him. She’s so perfect, she doesn’t deserve to be treated like this.

Jisung’s cock twitches.

“I’m just trying to do more things that make me happy.” The words fly out of him, not a stutter, wobble, or voice crack in sight.

“D’aw,” Jiwoo pouts, touched as she sets down the dish she was drying to come sit next to him. She wraps her arm around his shoulder and pulls him in before placing a chaste kiss on his lips.

“I’m really happy to hear that!” Her smile slowly fades as worry takes over. “You know, I was worried that you seemed really down lately. I was thinking of canceling on the girls next month…”

“No!” A strange authoritative tone crops up. Jisung gives Jiwoo a firm look. “You’ve been excited about this trip for so long! You should absolutely go. The only reason I may have been down lately is because I’ve been feeling a little suffocated. I decided to try new things around town and it’s been helping.” Jisung turns his body toward her, grabbing both her hands. “Don’t you worry about me, okay?” One could say ‘trying new things around town’ wasn’t a complete lie, but it still worries him that he’s lying to his future wife so easily.  

“Okay… but if you need me to cancel-” Jiwoo attempts to rush out, but Jisung hits her with an even firmer look. 

“Go.” He says simply. With that, Jiwoo is back to beaming. She throws her arms around him and gives him a tight squeeze. Over her shoulder, Jisung’s smile fades.

Later that night, Jisung plants his dirty lips on a sleeping Jiwoo’s cheek before leaving.

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

Jisung is anxious as he searches through the club. He doesn’t see you anywhere at the edges of the club. The last place to look is in the middle. Jisung pushes his way through, feeling his body buzz the further in he gets.

In the middle he spots a woman with a low waisted, flowy skirt and bandeau top. When you twirl around, the skirt’s front is revealed to be asymmetrical, almost tattered in appearance with its two high slits. You move closer to him, the hunger in your eyes matching his. You breathe hotly and grab his face. All the pent up passion built up overnight culminates in a sloppy kiss. A kiss that you can barely call a kiss with your tongues laving at each other’s mouths and chins.

Another boundary has been broken. Jisung grunts, grabbing you by the throat and yanking you away from him. The shock in your eyes would give him pause before the kiss. Right now, Jisung’s lust has taken over. You might slap him or tell him off now, and he’ll respect your wishes. But you don’t do anything, other than flashing pleading eyes at him. His nostrils flare as his breathing gets heavier. He leans in and draws your bottom lip back with his teeth. After he releases it he’s leaning by your ear. 

“Open your fucking mouth.” He growls. 

Your mouth lolls open, your eyes begging even more. Jisung spits into your mouth, some of the saliva landing on your chin. You close your mouth, putting on a show of cleaning up your mess with your tongue. Jisung balls the back of your skirt within his fist and pulls you closer. Your tongues are exploring each other’s mouths as Jisung reaches under the front of your skirt. He gasps against your lips when his fingers dip straight into your wet heat. You chuckle before licking a stripe up his cheek. The skirt you’re wearing isn’t short, but the slits in the front are high enough that one bold dance move could show the entire club your cunt. 

Jisung nearly whimpers, steeling himself before plunging two fingers in immediately. You moan loudly, the loud music drowning it out. Jisung keeps you pressed close enough that only someone paying close attention could see you getting your hole fingered. Your head lulls, resting against his chest as you shut your thighs around his hand. Jisung lets go of your skirt to tug at your hair. He yanks your head back. 

“Open them back up. Now.” He spits next to your ear.

You bitch and whine, but you still do it. An intense heat overwhelms his cock. He should fuck you right now. He should tear your skirt off and use the tattered fabric to bind your wrists together while he fucks you right in the middle of all these people. The club goers bump into both of you at all sides. One stumbles backward, propelling you forward and plunging Jisung deeper. Jisung licks his tongue into your open mouth. 

Your tongues tangle together while a droplet of your juices trails down Jisung’s forearm. 

“I’m gonna cum! Choke me!” You plead pathetically. Jisung doesn’t hesitate to oblige, squeezing until your eyes roll back. Jisung finds himself mimicking your pained expression as your cunt spasms around his fingers. He grinds pitifully into nothing, reverting back to his fantasy. Your bandeau is made into a makeshift gag as he fucks you so hard your tits spasm in different directions. Your entire body jiggles from the force. 

The feeling of your hand cupped around his bulge lights up his synapses. He groans, it’s guttural as sperm shoots into his underwear for the second night in a row.

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

Jisung watches Jiwoo carefully, who just thanked him for doing laundry more often. Things are better than before, the two of them are more affectionate. She even has sex with him a little more. He doesn’t cum, which she was initially concerned about. He reminded her that this was ideal in their situation, and she felt better instantly.

Jisung realized long ago that missionary did nothing for him. He started to fantasize about you during it, but decided that was somehow crossing the line. Not the countless times now you’ve made him cum in his pants. Not the fact that you and Jisung have your hands down each other’s pants every night now. Not the fact that he now knows a list of what turns you on and has it memorized.

Jiwoo leaves tomorrow.

That fact replays in his mind as he watches Jiwoo maneuver around the kitchen. She catches him staring and smiles. He smiles back. 

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

You chuck the bag over the high rim of the dumpster. You feel lighter, and it’s not just because you’re no longer lugging a heavy trash bag of large t-shirts, sweatshirts, and hoodies. 

When you walk back in the house Minho is familiarly pushing you back against the door. His eyes are wild, and you can’t recall a time he’s looked this crazed.

“What do you think you’re doing?” He grits before grinding his jaw. He’s fuming. That in itself scares you a bit, but it’s also that he’s been getting more and more antsy for the past month. 

“I-I don’t…”

“Bullshit.” He spits, making you flinch. He releases his tight grip on your shoulders, sharp eyes still trained on you. “You’re fucking disgusting.” His voice cracks a little. 

You’re not scared he’ll do something to you. Well, not anything abusive anyway. You’re scared because he knows you’re up to no good. You don’t know if he’s narrowed it down exactly, but you know he’s onto you. 

Seeing Jisung is the highlight of your day. Your body ignites in goosebumps as soon as you see him. Something about him, the horrible thing he’s doing, makes you feel even better about yourself than all the years Minho dedicated to fixing you. 

“Fuck you.” He spits before retreating into the bedroom. He’s been spending so much time in there that you took his place on the couch. You sleep there in your day clothes, crying yourself to sleep. 

When you see Jisung that night, you’re more exhausted than usual. He pulls your hair like he usually does, smashing his lips against yours. You don’t love it as much as you usually do. You just want to climb into bed with Minho and hold him. A part of you knows he even wants you to. But you can’t. You don’t deserve it. So you cry as you kiss someone else’s boyfriend.

He laps up the tears and you’re slowly soothed. You’re not sure to what extent, but you’ve come to understand that Jisung is a monster. He frequently brings up how wrong it is that he’s treating his girlfriend like this. His cock throbs when he talks about how he knows she’s planning to propose. He cums after imagining her face if she saw the two of you. 

“So, do you want to come over tomorrow?” He asks with a twinkle in his eye. You were both stood outside of the club. The same day he described in detail his fantasy of his girlfriend forgetting something and coming back only to see her boyfriend balls deep in you, he revealed that she actually is going away. And now he’s making another part of that fantasy a reality. You take a long drag of your cigarette, mascara smudged all around your eyes. You blow, realizing you’re not the least bit repulsed. You feel good.

“Yeah.”

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

You linger outside of the bedroom door, hand repeatedly reaching for the knob but deciding against it. Your eyes flutter shut, remembering how warm his embrace used to be. 

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

When Jisung opens the door, something feels off. Maybe it’s the lack of loud music and dancing bodies bumping into the both of you, but the hunger isn’t there yet. 

You shuffle inside, annoyed when he whistles and rocks on his feet. 

“D’you want something to drink?” He says, not meeting your eyes. 

“No. Is that the bedroom?”

“Yeah…” He hesitates before he answers and swallows hard after. “Yeah, let’s uh… let’s head inside.” Jisung offers to hang your purse up on the hook by the door, right next to a wooden bat. You do it yourself.

The bedroom is pleasantly designed, it’s clean and organized, and there’s a picture of Jisung and his girlfriend on the nightstand. A part of you was scared he was lying about it, this cements it. He hurries over to lay it down after seeing you stare at it. 

“So um, I have a few things in mind, but we could of course do whatever you want to do.”

So far this is a complete let down. You’ve confirmed that he’s an actual monster, but now you’re not so sure about his dominance. Was it just a fluke while you were at the club? You didn’t come here to be asked how you want be fucked. You sigh, considering going home and crying yourself to sleep again. While looking at the floor you see two feet plant themselves in front of you. 

When you look up at Jisung, you don’t intend for your eyes to be as glassy and pitiful as they are. It’s Jisung’s turn to sigh. 

“You’re just hopeless, aren’t you?” Jisung runs his knuckles down your cheek. The gesture confuses you, but then you notice his eyes. Before you can get excited, his hand is wrapped around your throat. Your eyes flutter shut. “Gonna make me do all the work? Hm? Can’t even fucking talk?”

You’re too busy relishing in the wave of relief crashing over you to realize you’re being disobedient. A slap across your face brings you back to reality. 

“Fucking. Speak.” He demands lowly. 

“N-no, I won’t make you do all the work–”

“Then get your ass on the bed. Hike it in the air.” 

You rush over, kneeling on the bed and pulling your dress off. Jisung comes over and yanks it the rest of the way, impatiently. He grabs your head and shoves it into the mattress before grabbing the rope from the nightstand. He told Jiwoo he wanted to learn sailor knots when she found it. He wasn’t completely lying, which is why he was able to demonstrate some for her.

Even a simple one was enough to convince her, that same knot is enough to restrain you and fulfill one of his biggest fantasies. Jisung unbuckles his belt not only to relieve some of the building pressure, but also to bend it in half. He raises the belt before swinging it down. The leather laps painfully against your ass. Your body jolts and you gasp. The sting doesn’t go away before the next lash. Another and another, Jisung is completely relentless. He stops only to haphazardly free his bottom half. 

You feel the bed dip again behind you, whimpering like a puppy. Then you feel his hard cock against your ass. You chant pleas under your breath, cunt clenching desperately to feel him inside.

“Don’t know how to shut up, huh? That’s okay,” Jisung leans over, grabbing the ball gag from on top of his nightstand. One of the many things he picked up this morning in preparation. He fastens it securely around your head, pulling the ball further into your mouth until you can’t coherently beg anymore. 

“If I were you I would stop that begging. It’ll only take longer for me to fuck you, okay?” Jisung’s voice was laced with sympathy undercut by a sinister undertone. You nod against the bed, trying to quiet your whimpering. 

You yelp as the belt lashes against you again. 

“What the fuck did I say?” He warns in a growl. You panic, silencing yourself immediately.

Swing after swing after swing after swing. Jisung punishes your ass until it’s red hot and tears have thoroughly soaked your cheeks. You gargle softly against the gag. 

“Good girl. Good fucking girl.”

You pant excitedly as he grabs your hips and pulls you closer. 

“If I do this for you, give you what you want, you have to keep it up. No noises while I fuck you open.”

You nod frantically, trembling from the sheer anticipation. His tip prods against your entrance. You knew he’d be the biggest you ever had from the times you jerked him off, but feeling him attempt to push into your hole made your eyes blow wide. You panic again, worried you’re not going to stay quiet. 

Then he shoves his way in. Luckily the force makes you choke on your scream. Your legs shake, fists balling tight. You’re pleased when you hear Jisung’s euphoric moan. He stays submerged inside you, but he’s moaning uncontrollably. 

“F-fuck, I can see your asshole fluttering, baby girl.” Jisung sounds like he might cry. He slaps your ass, this time with his own hand, testing your silence. With that, he starts moving. The pace is already brutal. His rhythmic, chesty moans show just how much this is getting to him. Does his girlfriend fuck him at all? Whatever. She doesn’t deserve this anyway. This is all for you. 

Your feet jerk up from the bed with each punishing thrust. It’s like he can’t help himself, he has to go balls deep every time. Each thrust with your cunt stroking him pulls a different string of moans. You’ve never heard him so vocal, and it’s never been so hard to shut up. He’s milking your pussy so good it’s making you cry. Silent sobs squeeze from your body as his body drapes over yours. He grabs your throat, making it even worse. Your sobs become audible, but he doesn’t even care. You’re both too far gone to care about how loud you’re both being.

His bottom lip drags from your shoulder up to the apex of your neck. He’s croaking out moans right next to your ear and you know he’s gone. You tug at your restraints, wishing you could touch and claw him right now. 

His seed is hot as it spurts into you. The sensation sends your body down, flat to the bed. His hips follow, continuing to buck into you as your orgasm rockets through you. You essence squelches around him until it forces him out, continuing to spray and soil the both of you.

The two of you lie there with loud, hoarse pants for what feels like hours. You expect to turn and see the sun rising. It doesn’t matter because it’s sunny inside your body. The minute Jisung unties you, you’re reaching to hold him close. Your hands travel down his back and over his shoulders like you’d been craving. Somehow the come down is still so euphoric. You both buzz long after you’ve cum.

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

It was two years ago that Minho put a code on his phone. He doesn’t use it for anything but checking emails and making calls, so he didn’t worry about most of the traditional phone activities. You never understood why putting a code on his phone was included in that, and you warned him multiple times that he would get his phone stolen. You knew that a code wouldn’t keep someone from getting in if they really wanted to, but you weren’t saying it to help him out. Besides, he’d just shrug anyway. 

So you went through his phone. 

You guys had a fight, back when they used to be coherent, and then he put a lock on his phone. All that to say, you couldn’t have prepared for Minho’s spotty appearances lately if you wanted to. You were serious about tracking him. The unknown was sure to kill you. Death was the only thing that could come from pain like this. You didn’t actually do it this time, did you?

Was he at someone’s house? Someone who’s been begging him to ditch you and enter a healthier relationship? Who could it be? He doesn’t go to church, his family either lives far away or are constantly going on trips, his friends have essentially rage quit their friendship… who else does that leave?

You wish that meant there was no other way he could’ve connected with someone, but it’s not true. He’s handsome and a great guy. There’s no way no one has approached him in all these years.

Your vision has long blurred, the show on the television becoming blobs of color. You haven’t showered since you’ve been with Jisung. You feel gross but have no desire to move. Whenever you hurt him, it’s intentional. Sometimes you even spend the night alone at a hotel and buy a shirt from the men’s section the next morning, pulling it onto your frame right before you get to the door. Right now, it’s completely subconscious. You’re going to Jisung’s in an hour and it’s the only thing that makes you feel like anything other than death. The warm feeling you get at the idea of being with Jisung doesn’t come from wanting a reaction out of Minho. That brings a dark, gnarling fear out of the depths of your soul.

You don’t like Jisung. You love Minho. That much is apparent when you see Jisung. He doesn’t give you butterflies. You just feel comfort in the way he can still fuck you with traces of his girlfriend everywhere.

Jisung freezes mid-greeting to look at your old clothes. You’re definitely different from your encounters at the club. He noticed you go from dominant and intimidating to submissive very gradually. It hit its peak when you had your arms crossed in his bedroom yesterday, refusing to initiate anything. He chuckles at you which earns him a scowl. He tugs you inside and kicks the door closed, leading you all the way to the shower. He’s back to taking complete control, pulling your dirty clothes off one by one. 

He steps behind you once his clothes are off, smoothing his hands over your now moistened skin. The hot water aids in raising the temperature between the two of you. Jisung finally feels you relax against him. He moves his hand down between your legs. He parts your thighs, letting the water trickle over your mound. His cock gets hard fast when he’s with you. You feel his shaft rest rigidly in between your cheeks as he lathers soap all over your body.

To your disappointment, he doesn’t fuck you in the shower. He simply rubs your body everywhere but where you need him. He steps out the minute all the suds have been rinsed off your skin. He tepidly dries himself off, tossing the towel over his shoulder. You watch him clean his glasses before putting them back on, only for them to fog right back up. He looks over at you questioningly. 

For a moment, with his eyes obscured, you can transplant the image of a younger Minho onto him. Your mind starts to wander to an alternate reality where Minho knew you were a lost cause right off the bat. How different would your dynamic be? Would there be one at all?

“You should’ve been on the bed by now. Hurry up and dry off.” Jisung’s voice and expression ooze with disappointment that makes your core hum. You dumbly turn off the water while keeping your eyes trained on his naked figure. This is your first time seeing him completely bare. You almost saw it yesterday, as he took a shower right after you chickened out of staying any longer.

When you climb onto the bed you hike your ass in the air again. His hand thundering down on your ass makes you jolt. “Not today.” He grunts as he lies down on his back. He rests his hands behind his head. 

“You were a fucking brat yesterday. Immediately putting me to work and then not staying quiet. Did you think I missed that at the end?” Jisung raises his eyebrows, scolding you both with his words and his eyes. You wish you could put the Jisung you first met and this one side by side. He is totally relaxed while easily maintaining control.

“Straddle me, and hold your arms together behind your back. You’re putting in work today.”

You bit your lip to stifle the whine threatening to get you punished. This is a pillow princess’ worst nightmare. Your eyes unwittingly move to his cock which is so hard gravity is failing to lay it flat on his stomach. Your fleeting thought to disobey just to get more effort and attention from him disappears. 

So you clasp both your wrists and slip onto his cock. You didn’t realize how wet you were until his head slid past your entrance. His cock feels so hot and so does his skin when your calves graze his thighs. It’s electrifying yet inviting. You get the urge to lean against his chest but he’d probably pull out, and that would annoy you enough to make you cry. 

And so you bounce, letting him see the front of you fully nude in all its glory. How your tits bounce and hips swing. He grabs your hips but not to guide you, to dig his fingers into flesh. 

This, you figure, is one of his favorite positions. You figure because it’s the first time he’s cum twice for you. That, and it’s the only position he repeated. For the next two weeks, he has bounced you on his cock while standing up with your legs tightly secured around him, had you flat on your back with your legs in the air on his dining room table, had you halfway off the couch while straddling him again, and so on. He always shows you a picture or a video once you get to the area of his choice. His calm dominance melts away just for a moment as he excitedly presents it to you. Him baring his deep passion to fuck you strangely doesn’t push you away. You find yourself squeezing your thighs, wide eyes matching his as he shows you the position.

The two of you have gone from barely speaking outside of sex to making out as soon as he opens the door. You both giggle like schoolkids in anticipation. You both joke through a blur of lips and teeth.

But that excitement and glee fades as soon as you’re back in your dreary apartment. The escalation of childlike joy when you’re at Jisung’s directly translates to escalated sorrow when you’re back at yours. 

You only catch glimpses of the back of Minho these days, either retreating to the bedroom or out of the apartment. You have the urge to sleep over Jisung’s for the rest of the time Jiwoo is gone. That somehow feels like crossing a line that’s comically insignificant at this point. You know Jisung would understand what you mean. That night you took a shower at his place, he washed your clothes for you.

“You could stay until they’re done.” Jisung suggests after some tense silence.

“No, I should go.” You shoot it down immediately. The option has always been unspoken but ever present. To stay a little longer, watch a movie, drink some water, maybe actually cuddle. Not like what you did the first night, where you ran out of there as soon as you realized you were caressing someone else.

“In what clothes?” Jisung chuckles. You glare at him again. You hate when he does that. Well, you did, until you realized you’re both horrible enough to have fun while being unfaithful. 

“Can’t I just borrow some of hers? I’ll wash those and-”

“No.”

Just then, the Jisung from the first time you met him was back. He wouldn’t meet your eyes, but you could see the raging conflict behind them. So you left with some of his clothes instead.

You told him you were in a relationship, but not much else about it. Since then there was a mutual understanding of each other. It made your tension trickle away wrapped in his arms. You were able to at least disassociate so the depth of the pain became less apparent.

Then Jiwoo would call.

Jisung was sickeningly sweet over the phone. You laughed to yourself while listening to his overexaggerated joy when speaking with her. The humor rotted away when catching glimpses of her voice. She's elated to speak with her boyfriend. She can't sleep without him. There's no way they're not getting married soon.

In the corner of his bedroom the space grows vast, Jisung suddenly on the other side of a treacherous fissure.

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

You enter the apartment as soon as Minho leaves his room. He stares at you, clearly shocked. He probably expected to be gone before you came home, so you wouldn’t see him dressed up with his hair styled and your favorite cologne on. It’s been a long two weeks, so the stinging in your eyes turns into tears fast. He pushes past you and leaves the apartment, leaving you to collapse to the ground. The pain is immediate because the denial has shriveled up. You’re being forced to accept that it’s happening. Anger swiftly takes hold as you’re reminded of one hard to swallow truth. 

You stand up and grab the lamp beside the entrance. You shove it to the ground, the delicate glass covering shattering before the bulb does the same. You send the potted plant into the tv, throw a stack of plates onto the floor. Once your energy is spent, the fact is still there.

You have no right to be upset.

You throw a tantrum and break things because you made your own bed, but you have no right to do that either.

You deserve this.

You deserve him bringing a new girl home and fucking her loudly in the bed you used to share. You deserve him coming home every day and telling you what a worthless piece of shit you are. You deserve him introducing you to the girlfriend he’s been hiding from you and shoving his tongue down her throat right in front of you.

You deserve him giving up on you and admitting you were never fixable to begin with.

Your stomach caves from the sheer force of your sobs. Your body contorts, tangling within your bed sheets and kicking the cover off. You force yourself to imagine all these things he deserves to do to you even though it feels like it’s setting you on fire. You cry and cry until your body feels hollow and you stare numbly at the wall.

The sun rises.

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

Your ears pick up each sound but it’s muffled. The sound of the door opening. The sound of his boots crunching against glass. The sound of him crying. The sound of him leaving. 

The sun sets. It’s time to see Jisung. 

Your body wobbles as you sit up. Your body feels like a ton of bricks. You rush to the bathroom, finally emptying your bladder. You’re going to his house with the same clothes from the day prior again.

He opens the door, chuckling just like the last time you did this. “No work today?”

You’re not in a laughing mood, though. You thought things would be like they had been. You’d be depressed while you were home and cheerful at Jisung’s place. But no, the tears break free and stream down your face. Jisung pulls you into the house, asks if you’re okay. He shouldn’t. People like you don’t deserve sympathy. You grit your teeth, grabbing his jaw and pulling him forward. He stiffly places his hands on your waist, hesitantly accepting the kiss.

You cup his cock, making him moan and grant your tongue entrance to his mouth. You push him toward the couch until he flops down onto it, looking at you in bewilderment. 

“Can you tell me what’s wrong?” He asks just before you devour him again. You guide his hands to your breasts, whimpering when he pinches your nipples. 

“Fuck me.” You plead, voice weak and eyes glassy. Your eyes don’t plead him like they usually do. You’re deeply hurt, your lip trembling and shattering his heart. 

“Babe c’mon, let’s stop–” Jisung reaches up to caress your face, laughing awkwardly.

“Don’t call me that.” Your tone is venomous as you swat his hands away. Jisung is taken aback. Not because of your tone, but because he hadn’t realized he called you that.

Exasperated, you huff and reach for his dick. Once it’s free, you’re awkwardly shimmying off Jisung’s basketball shorts. Jisung is finding it difficult to find the words he’s looking for. It’s too late anyway, you’re sinking down onto his cock. Sex with you is like a defibrillator. It jolts life back into him, no matter how much the guilt is getting to him. It lets him set aside his worries for now to just focus on how wet and tight you are around him. The constant access to you is dizzying. Just when he’s coming down from his high, you’re back with another dose.

Without Jisung’s strict rules or constant orders you’re able to think. It’s horrible.

“Fucking choke me– ngh! Yell at me!” You grit out.

With this Jisung is back to reality with you. He stammers, your eyes and your words conflict each other.  He considers it, playing along while his heart’s not in it. The sex is going to be subpar today clearly, so it doesn’t matter what he does next.

“Jiwoo called me earlier today.”

You’re chugging along, hoping this transitions to him hissing demands at you. 

“Well, she calls me every day. I used to think it was because she was worried about me. I thought that was the same reason she hugged me so long before she left,” Jisung’s voice is conversational despite the strain your cunt squeezing him is giving it. His eyes are fussing with a conflict again. You stop, in exasperated shock that he’s opening up about this right now.

“She even gave me this look before she went out the door. So I kept telling her every time she called that I was okay and that she should have fun. That she didn’t have to call me every day. But today…” Jisung feels his heart clench as he recalls her words.

“Things are going really great recently, aren’t they?” She laughed, it sounded so sweet. Jisung could hear the commotion of activities more fun than being on the phone in the background. “Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I think about you so much that it's hard to have fun while I’m here. I miss you so, so much… and I realize now that I don’t like being without you.” She laughed again, but this time Jisung could tell she was crying. “I kinda wanna come home?” 

She was asking him.

“W-what did you say?” You swallow hard, trying to hide the horror in your eyes. Would he really tell her to come home? Is she about to walk through the door and fulfill his fantasy? Your stomach drops as you glance over your shoulder.

“I said no.” Jisung says quietly. You turn back to see his bitter smile. “I stayed on the phone with her for hours to soothe her and convince her to stay.” Jisung huffs, attempting to blink away his tears and failing. His head droops, hiding from you. He hiccups, “She was so happy with me after I did that. She-”

You cradle his face, slowly lifting it to face you. Jisung looks upset at this, shoulders bouncing as he begins to cry harder. You try to wipe away his tears with your thumbs, shaking your head when they quickly get replaced.

“It’s better this way.” You say weakly. 

“What?” The frustration leaks through Jisung’s anguish. He tries to shake away your hands but you grab him more securely and force him to look in your eyes.

“You don’t want her to know how awful you truly are.” 

Seeing the pain intensify in your eyes, Jisung stills. Knowing he understands now, your hands drop from his face. Suddenly, you feel more alone than you have in weeks. You start to get up but Jisung’s hands caress your face now. A tear hangs on your eyelash as you gaze wearily at him. You wish he’d just let you go. At least rotting in your bed, you’d be faced with one facet of pain. Staying here with him is like watching the last bit of color drain from the world.

He's not sure exactly what happens when you walk out that door. What he does know is you come back weaker than before. He sees the dread in your eyes at going back.

“Stay here.”

“No–”

“Stay.”

You stare at him, wondering if he’s just saying this because you’re the only one he can engage in this kink with. Then he kisses you. He inhales deeply as he threads his fingers through your hair. He captures your lips, detaches to breathe and captures them again. The lack of tongue or teeth feels foreign. You can’t remember the last time Minho kissed you like this. It’s only been drunk and sloppy, rough out of anger, or awkward in pursuit of keeping your trash-fire relationship a secret. 

The only thing close to Jisung’s trembling lips against yours was when Minho first found out you fucked someone else. He pleaded with you to tell him it didn’t mean anything, to tell him that you still loved him. His lips then were frantic, refusing to let you slip away with his hands caging you in. If only you did slip away back then. His life would be better now.

But Jisung is steady. The underlying shame and regret don’t dull the passion flowing from his lips. His hands feel like they're caging you. Begging you to just stay.

Another boundary has been crossed. The final one. There was no redemption to be desperately dug up to salvage your souls as you kiss each other like the world might tip off its axis if you stop. The two of you only break apart to moan as you ride him. Your hips grind against his lap, his dick as far in as it can go. You moan into each other’s mouth as Jisung’s climax brings you closer to yours.

And yours comes and goes. Your freshly showered bodies lay as close as you can get in his bed, arms wrapped tightly around each other.

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

You jolt awake multiple times during the night, jolting Jisung awake with you. He just soothes you back to sleep, not asking about your nightmares detailing each scenario you forced yourself to imagine two nights ago.

Jisung leaves early in the morning, whispering to you to lock the door if you leave.

“You can stay, though.”

To your horror, Jisung kisses your cheek. Him falling for you hadn’t crossed your mind. He had always been so sex focused that romance seemed like a distant afterthought. He could have rubbed circles into your back each time you awoke because he was being nice. Your rationalizing is cut short as an even more horrifying thought rears its ugly head.

You wished he had kissed you on the lips.

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

Judging by the mess you left behind, Minho must think you’re on a rage fueled bender right now. He never did check if you were in the room that morning, so maybe he thinks you trashed the apartment, left, and never came back. You know for a fact he’s worried. Very little could stop Minho from worrying about your safety. That’s why even someone like you never played that card to get his attention, and why you’re worried sick. You pace around Jisung’s apartment. Your phone is still at the apartment, shattered from your temper tantrum. He would probably report the incident to the police before he contacted you, but the sight of your phone broken on the floor with you nowhere to be found doesn’t encourage confidence.

The thing is, you can’t go back and face him. Walking in, completely unharmed and freshly showered, with some other man’s clothes on and guilt evident on your face would just cement it for him. All you would do at that point is apologize, and what’s left of his soul would shatter right in front of you. You clamp your hand over your mouth, unable to bear the image of Minho realizing there’s actually someone else. You’re horrible to him, but the only thing he could be sure of is that you only love him. You imagine it’s the only thing keeping him around.

Minho putting together that all these years of pain and suffering and praying you’ll change has culminated in someone else getting the appreciation he deserves could change him forever.

So you lower your hand from the door knob.

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

That night with Jisung was different. You were both so overwrought with guilt that you spent the evening taking turns soothing each other. When you finally had sex, it was more tender than it ever should be. He was hovering over you, looking straight into your eyes and he smoothed his hand over your hair. He peppered soft kisses all over your face. You loved every second of it. You showered together again and cuddled in bed. 

“Minho? Is that his name?” The sound of his name makes you flinch. You move away from Jisung who looks at you in confusion. 

“Don’t say his name!” You shout, stumbling out of bed. He blinks at you as you start to gather your clothes. He follows after you, stammering an apology. 

“Y-you said his name in your sleep yesterday. I’m sorry– I–”

“Just stop!” You’re more panicked than angry, which comes through in your voice. Your voice is loud, so it could be heard through the door. Pounding against the door makes you gasp, you stumble backwards. Jisung catches you, pulling you close.

“Who’s there!” Jisung shouts.

“Open the door!” Minho shrieks, his throat sounds like it’s tearing from the sheer force. Jisung grabs the bat, readying it before swinging the door open. Before he can even threaten him, Minho is pushing past him, eyes frantic as they search for you. When he finds you, you see it. You’re clean, unharmed, wearing nothing but Jisung’s shirt as you hug your body. 

He’s putting the pieces together.

Your mouth feels dry, your tongue feels like it’s swelling. The way Minho’s shoulders slouch makes your chest ache. He shakes his head at you in disbelief. 

“Your purse.” He gestures weakly at the bag sitting on the couch from when you entertained the idea of going home. “The tag is connected to my phone because I knew you’d do this.” Despite being so quiet, his words slash you open. 

“Minho…” Your trembling hands cover your mouth. This is it. This is it.

“Minho I didn’t mean to scare you I swear–”

“You can have the apartment.” The words fight their way from Minho’s mouth, but he’s not able to look at you. 

“Minho?” You try pitifully. Minho just drops his head, lingering for just one more moment before leaving. Jisung is quick to hold you, caress the back of your neck as if to cushion the incoming sobs. But they don’t come. 

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

“For some ungodly reason, he’s going to keep paying your lease.” You gape at the woman. She doesn’t introduce herself, but you know it’s her. The one he wore your favorite cologne for. 

“He told me not to but fuck it– don’t contact him.” She shoves a finger into your face. “Don’t go looking for him, don’t make this any worse than you already have for the past twelve years.” She pauses, waiting for your reaction, seemingly expecting you to explode on her. You nod, finally closing your mouth that had been hung open this entire time. 

“Okay.”

She looks confused before she shakes her head and walks off of Jisung’s porch. 

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

Jisung comes home with Chinese takeout. 

“I’m going to set it on the table.” He says breathlessly as he takes off his coat and hangs it on the coat hanger that his girlfriend undoubtedly picked out. She’ll be back in five days. He’ll erase any signs of you and go back to normal. 

“Are you hungry?” He asks.

“What the fuck are we doing?” You say before you can stop yourself. It’s quiet for a moment, and you refuse to turn around and see his face. 

“What?”

“Why would I sit at that table and eat with you?” You stand up, finally turning around once the emotions stirring inside you are potent enough. You interrupt him before he can answer.

“Your loving girlfriend is going to come home soon.”

“That doesn’t change anything. I mean, we can still meet at your place–”

“She’s going to propose to you, Jisung.” He freezes for a moment, but you can tell by his face that he still doesn’t get it. 

“Do you seriously think she’ll never be suspicious? That she won’t wake up one night and realize you’re not there? Then she’ll pretend she’s asleep and hear you walk out. Then she’ll be more aware of the clues. You smell like perfume that’s not hers, there was a small amount of lipstick smudged on your collar, you’re sexually satisfied all of a sudden,”

Jisung swallows, “Then we’ll be careful.”

“Are you seriously willing to risk your relationship?” You ask, a nasty hint of amusement in the way you raise one brow at him. He closes his mouth.

You laugh loudly, the laughter spiraling out of control before you finally catch your breath.

“I fucking knew it.” Your expression sours, settling into a bitter one as you yank your purse off the hook.

“Don’t leave…”

“I don’t give a fuck about you. Don’t waste your time on someone who wouldn’t care if you died. Focus on your fucking fiancée.” You look back slightly before slamming the door behind you. 

Jisung wasn’t sure why he felt a bit panicked. His heartbeat accelerated as he stabilized himself against the counter. The slam of the door echoed in his head over and over until Jiwoo was kneeling in front of him, surrounded by all their friends and family. Everyone swooned, there were tears in Jiwoo’s eyes and all her friends' eyes. 

“Han Jisung, will you marry me?”

Jisung looked around frantically, feeling like the world was spinning. Only then did he realize why he was immediately panicked by you leaving. It was solidified by the fact that he couldn’t get in contact with you. He never did get your address, and you either never got another phone or changed your number.

Jisung’s breaths felt like they couldn’t break free. 

He was suffocating.

“Yes.”

-> end of act i

skz masterlist

milestone celebration masterlist

[kiriwiwii]

// Hugging and kissing headcanons ☆ UNDEAD

a/n: wow hi i'm back after 5 months... sorry i've been cursed by writer's block and school work. but here i am, with something even worse than ever /hj. i might do this kiss and hug headcanons thingy with other units as well so feel free to request! also,, do NOT ask why rei's part is much more longer compared to others. sorry. that man is just different💔

💫 rei sakuma

the way rei kisses... it just feels so ethereal. he holds your chin, moves your face closer to him... you can see his red eyes looking so emotionless yet so full of love and passion. when your lips meet, it's such a little time passing by, maybe seconds, but it feels like time stops all around you.

you wish it could stop, so you can feel his love forever and ever. but rei makes every single of his moves so unforgettable that it's already impossible for the taste of his lips to go away.

rei gently kisses your cheeks to greet you every time you meet together. or he loves to just puts his lips on your neck, slowly wandering around and giving you little licks or bites.

he's not always very gentle though. sometimes you may find him going tough on your lips, smooching your whole face or body. and maybe giving you some bite marks, hmm?

rei is the type of person who would just. surprise you by hugging you behind. he appears at times when you least expect him, and he loves the look on your face when he covers your whole body with his arms all of a sudden.

his body is cold, but his hugs feel warmer than anything. he enjoys hugging not just for seconds but actually a long time. you may find him sitting on a couch, inviting you only for him to wrap yourselves with a blanket and cuddle for hours.

there is no way of getting out of bed before rei wakes up because he hugs you soo tightly when you're sleeping together.

he is the big spoon but he would probably love being the little spoon as well. he tries not to show it but he loves it when someone else hugs him, especially you. he lays his head on your chest and while you're stroking his head or sweetly rubbing his cheeks, he slowly falls asleep in your arms. these are the times when he has the most peaceful naps ever.

remember the fact that this guy has a coffin? yeah. you're definitely getting in there. he loves the idea of cuddling together in his coffin- it's a bit hard for two people to fit in but that's even better for him since you are gonna be really close to each other.

💫 kaoru hakaze

kaoru kisses you in such a romantic way. he approaches you gently, kinda embarrassed at first, but that feeling disappears when he holds you so tightly and presses his lips against yours... his heart beating so hard you could almost hear it from being this close. you don't have to hear it though; you both know who that heart belongs to and whom it beats for anyway.

kaoru especially loves to kiss your hands. he has work to do and he needs to leave you early at that moment? he kindly takes your hand, kisses it softly and that's his way of saying goodbye.

he is so desperate for your love- whenever kaoru craves your affection, he just puts his head on your shoulder, holding you close. he loves to just chit-chat while doing this. you can tell him all about your day, and he would listen while he is snuggling into you.

💫 koga oogami

koga tries to act like he isn't fond of physical contact, but you can see the truth in the way his lips meet yours. you might hear a tiny whisper coming out of his mouth, "i love you" , if you are lucky enough~

koga enjoys kissing your nose, forehead or right near lips. you can see him blushing which makes him much cuter, so you can kiss him back and make him even more embarrassed. (i mean, cuter)

i feel like koga would be the type of hugger who kinda lifts you up. something happened and he got very excited? or you guys finally saw each other after a long time? he quickly runs and wraps his arms around you, squeezing so hard and just lifts you up and spins 🥹 adorable.

he usually just puts his arm around your shoulder, or holds your hand in public but you can make him do much more in private.

koga is such a cuddler, especially at nights! you may find him giving you lots of kisses and hugs when it's dark and you're both sleepy. you can just snuggle into him and have the best sleep ever while he hugs you soo tightly.

💫 adonis otogari

adonis' kisses are very gentle, very kind... he slightly holds your hands, pulls your hair back and slowly gives you a sweet kiss, making you fall in love with him again and again.

whenever he hugs you, your body and your mind get lost in his arms. adonis makes you feel safer than ever, loved more than ever.

he doesn't want to make you uncomfortable by touching you all the time, but if you desire it, he likes to gently kiss your hands or just hold them politely. whenever you feel upset, he asks, "would you like a hug?" if your answer is yes, then you can fall into his arms and feel his warmth all over your body. he won't let you go until all of your sadness vanishes away <3

[veren-cos]

Bachelors (Sdv) x gn!Anorexic Reader

Tw for anorexia, mentions of purging, poor self image, and weight loss. If you struggle with an eating disorder please reach out for help. Things will be okay, and you can get through it.

Another note, this fic (even tho almost all of mine are) is gender neutral. There is this stereotype that only girls can have eating disorders, but this is not true. Anyone can get an eating disorder and everyone deserves comfort.

This is proofread / sensitivity read (Is that the word?)and requested by @vvnbxz (tysm!!!)

Sam

• If you told Sam you had anorexia he wouldn't know what the hell to do.

• Honestly if you opened up to him about anything to do with mental health he wouldn't know what to do.

• And it isn't that he doesn't try, it's just that he doesn't know. (He is just a clueless guy and that's okay/hj)

• But yeah, when you tell him he is just so worried. He noticed as a general statement you didn't eat a lot, but he thought you just had a low appetite.

• So he never thought too much of it, unless it was the days you didn't eat anything.

• On one of those days, he finally asked about it. When you told him you had anorexia, he just looked. So sad.

• "Babe I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I didn't notice. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. But I will be now. What do you need?"

• If you need comfort, he is there the whole time. Whispering sweet nothings into your ear. "You are beautiful babe. How on earth did ever land someone like you?" (He is still a skater boy haha)

• If you need structure and legitimate help, he will be asking and researching. He asks Harvey how to help someone with Anorexia, and Google became his best friend. Though Google was a tad unreliable, you appreciated the effort.

• Overall, he just wants to be there for you, and will do his damned best to make sure you feel better.

Sebastian

• This is going to sound off topic but it's relevant I promise!!

• Sebastian is online a lot, okay? He almost definitely uses discord. At one point he was in a mental health server because he was really struggling and was just trying to find resources to help himself right?

• Well there was a channel in there about eating disorders, and while he didn't personally have one, he kinda just lurked in the server and read about everything.

• So Sebastian has a really large amount of knowledge in almost any mental health topic! And knows where to look for more info, and has heard personal storied. (Yay context is over with now onto the actual thing-)

• When you tell Sebastian you have anorexia, he is probably the calmest put of all of the Bachelors.

• He saw the signs, but recognized that it was still your business, and you were not in a desperate situation where he would have to step in. So he waited for you to tell him, while keeping an eye to make sure things didn't get any worse.

• Back to when you tell him though, he holds your hand and just pulls you into a hug. He offers to make food more often so you don't have to think about it.

• He tries to make sure it's lighter stuff, and doesn't overwhelm you with anything.

• He watches out for signs of it getting worse, and checks in with you often about how you are doing, and if there is anything more he can do to help.

• He understands that anorexia affects your entire life, but he knows that it is your life. He respects your boundaries, basically. He wants you to he in full control of your recovery, with him just helping you along the way.

• He encourages you to go to therapy. He sets you up with an tele-health therapist, and he gives you a bunch of online resources for when he isn't around.

• Overall, Sebastian is really sweet about it, and just tries to be helpful.

Alex

• He would unknowingly make things worse at first.

• When you get together for sure, but especially when you move in together. He definitely counts calories to make sure he is getting enough for whatever sport thing he is doing, and when he tried to encourage you to join it brings back some old habits.

• After a month or so of living together, Alex notices you've been loosing way too much weight. So he asks about it.

• He thought you were doing an extremely unhealthy diet, so when he did ask you about it he was not expecting this to be a long time issue.

• When you tell him that you have anorexia, he immediately apologizes for asking bluntly.

• "No, no. Alex it's fine. I should have told you."

• He takes a pause because he knows he has to be careful now. "..why didn't you?" It was so quiet.

• "I just couldn't Alex!" That came out louder than you meant it.

• "You are so perfect and really damn.. I dont even know you just.. I'm jealous of you. You have everything under control all the time. And I see how much effort you put into keeping it up that I didn't feel like I could stand next to you! I feel gross, food makes me feel gross. And I didn't want to burden you with this. Nothing in my life is going right right now. And this is the one thing I can make go right. But apparently I can't because I'm screwing this up too!"

• You pulled your hands to your face and broke down sobbing.

• Alex pulled you onto a hug. "Shhh, shhh" he strokes your hair. "Your going to be okay? I'm sorry. I didn't realize that I was making you feel like that."

• You shot up. "No don't apologize! You aren't doing anything wrong, I'm the one who needs to get things together!"

• "But I should have been more considerate! I should have seen!"

• Both of you took a second to calm down.

• After a moment, Alex spoke again, "what can I do to help you?"

• And you didn't know. You didn't know anything.

• "Alex I don't know. I didn't even think this was going to come back again I don't even know how I dealt with it the first time."

• He let out a breath. "Okay. I'm not changing what I'm doing, because I know that will just make you feel guilty. But I won't talk about it okay? I'll move the scale outside somewhere else. And I'm going to check in with you every once in a while. Okay?"

• You nodded.

• "I don't know what I can do to help, but I will not be giving you more to overtime about. You are perfect just the way you are. You don't need to change, your body is perfect. Okay?"

• You nodded again. This time it was you pulling him into a hug.

• "Okay. Okay yeah we can do this. Thank you." The last words came so softly that you just hoped Alex heard.

• "Of course, anything for you."

Harvey

• Harvey had seen the signs well before you confirmed his suspicions.

• He noticed you leaving very shortly after dinner dates, how you avoided mirrors when getting ready.

• He had known you for a long time now and he could see that you had lost weight, and not at a normal rate.

• After you moved in together, things became blaringly obvious.

• One morning he woke up to the sound of you throwing up.

• That's when everything became real.

• He walked to the bathroom and knocked on the door. "My love? Can I come in?"

• "NO!" You coughed, "no, no I'm fine it's okay."

• "Dear we have to talk about this."

• "No we don't, I'm fine. I just wasn't feeling good."

• You went back and forth on this for a while, but eventually he just came in.

• "My love, we just moved in together. I am very serious about this relationship. This means we have to tell each other when things aren't okay. Okay?"

• You thought for a moment. "Harvey, you're a doctor. You are just going to go on a medical spiel if I talk to you. I already know what's wrong. I'm handling it."

• He sighed, "I don't mean to be blunt, but clearly you aren't. All you have is protein shakes in your fridge, you can't live off of those. And I'm assuming you do this every morning? You can't be drinking those and then throwing them up. It defeats the purpose of drinking in the first place."

• "But I have to! I have to do this Harvey. This is the one thing in my life I have control over I have to do this."

• "No, you don't! Dear, I can help you, you just have to let me! You have full control over your life. Let me be here for you"

• You sat there. Just thinking. Harvey had no idea how what he said would land. Would you get upset? Would you lash out? Cry?

• "Okay." You whispered

• He stared at you.

• "I said okay!" You were nearly shouting. "Help me! I know this isn't okay but I need help!"

• Oh thank yoba you listened. "Thank you. Now, please just listen to me. Please." He waited for a nod of recognition before continuing,

• "I'm making all the food from here on out. And I dont care what you say because you are not burdening anyone. You aren't going to look at any labels, I'll scratch them out if you need me too.

• "I'll make a meal chart for each week, and you don't have to eat all of it, but you need to eat something. Eating something is better than nothing, I don't care what it is."

• This was already making you nervous. It was all too much, but if nothing else you had to try for him.

• "Okay.. okay. Okay yeah... thank you."

• He gave you a big hug.

• "I'm here for you with this. You don't have to do this alone."

Shane

• Shane is not perfect by any means, we all know this.

• But one thing I will stand on is that, if y'all are dating, he will stand with you through any mental health crisis no problems.

• He probably wouldn't notice much of the mental signs, but would notice you loosing weight.

• He tried to ask you about it a few times, but you always brushed it off.

• He let it be until you literally fainted from lack of food intake.

• He rushed you to Harvey's and honestly just hoped you would finally open up to him about what was going on.

• Harvey had already known you had an eating disorder because it was in your file, so when you woke up, he strongly encouraged you to talk to Shane about it.

• Shane was chill enough to at least wait until you had gotten home to talk about it.

• ...

• "So what the hell was that?" He asked.

• "Shane, I'm sorr-"

• "No, don't be sorry that's not what I'm asking for. I'm asking what that was." He stared you down.

• "Shane.." You sighed. You had meant to tell him but everything you tried, something got in the way.

• "Shane, I have anorexia. I'm not going to make it into a big thing. I mean, I guess I already did because I literally fainted. But I want you to know that I am working on it."

• "And you didn't tell me, because.? Babe, we all have our issues we are going through. I want to be there for you but I can't be if you don't tell me."

• "It was hard, That's why. I know you don't care, but I care so much as to what others think of me. About what I think of me. I dont like the way I feel. The way I look. I just always compare myself to others and I don't like it. I'm not asking for help and I certainly don't want it but I think I might need it at this point."

• He sighed, and had both of you sit down. "Okay.. okay, thank you for telling me. Now that the hard part is over, here is the harder part. We are getting you into therapy. It might be uncomfortable. But it will help. I know it helps me. And I know I can't do anything personally, but talk to me if anything is going on. I'm here to listen, okay?"

• He doesn't tend to be one for random physicaly affection, but he pulls you into a tight hug.

• He really meant every word, so from then on you became more dependent on him like he was on you.

Elliott

• Elliott. Oh Elliott.

• He knew something was up right when you started going out.

• You never ate much, never drank much. It looked like you felt food and taking care of yourself was a burden.

• So once you got married and moved in together, he knew he had to confront you about it.

• "My love?" He knocked on the door to your room. You were in your pajamas getting ready for bed.

• "Yes?" You smiled softly at him.

• "We need to talk." Your face dropped. Elliott tended to have a way with words but he became far less eloquent under stress. "Not in a we need to talk, my dear. Apologies." He cleared his throat,

• "I've noticed your. Ehm. Unusual? Eating habits?" And your face dropped more.

• "Oh Ellio-"

• "Hold on." He reached for your hand, cupping it between his. "I'm not upset with you. There is no reason to be. But I think I know what is going on, and I just want you to know. I am here for you. Alright, love? You can talk to me, and I can help. Food can become a stressor for the best of us. So you don't have to talk to me now, but just know I'm here for when you need."

• You met his hands with the one left on the bed. "I'm not sure if what your thinking is entirely accurate? But I suppose I should clarify." You took a deep breath, "I have anorexia. I've been managing it, at least what I thought was, pretty well. I didn't think you would notice, but I guess it was something I should tell you. I just.. I just didn't have control over much in my life when I worked for Joja. So food was a thing I could control! I thought it helped. But it didn't."

• You continued, "When I moved here, things genuinely became better! I have full control over my life. How I run the farm. My time, my pace. But I became so dependent on my food patterns for regulation that it was just a habbit I couldn't give up. So now here we are!" You let out a dry laugh.

• Elliott wasn't going to make a big deal out of it, despite his general dramatics.

• He knew that it was hard for you, but from what you said, you were working so hard on your own to help yourself.

• He reassured you that he would be there if you needed it, and tried to make sure you were eating a good amount of food everyday. But life continued on as normal for you two, and you wouldn't have it any other way.

An* so this was a deep one, I personally do not have anorexia but a lot of this still resonated with me for other reasons. Please reach out to either a doctor, family member, or friend if you think you have an eating disorder. They are serious business.

Also. I tried to make it accurate to anorexia but my knowledge isn't all encompassing, so it might have slipped into general eating disorder territory. So if it doesn't line up perfectly, I'm sorry about that- I also tried to not make it stereotypical but there may be a varying amount of success with that. Please lmk!!

Less serious an* I really wrote so much for Harvey I was not expecting to be able to write this much- Harvey's might as well have been it's own little fic from how long it was.

Masterlist

[howlsofbloodhounds]

I got some assorted headcanons for Nightmare's henchmen because I've been thinking about how many chronic issues those guys are bound to have non-stop lately...

Killer:

He doesn't take care of himself properly, even after he starts taking care of the others. Meaning my guy is most likely gonna have some issues with chronic dehydration, which, in my experience, leads to "fun" things like: long-term and short-term memory issues, struggles with focus, difficulties regulating emotions (meaning, the longer this goes on the more often he might flip between different stages), difficulties sleeping, frequent headaches, chronic fatigue, dizziness and vision blacking out when he gets up from a sitting position, and joint pains.

Being dehydrated also generally makes pre-existent mental issues worse. So the struggles with guilt, self-hatred and all that stuff that is very present at Stage 1 are probably all accentuated by his lack of proper self-care.

Horror:

His skull and empty eye socket both cause him pain often. Especially with switches in temperature or humidity. Because of the positioning of those wounds, that often leads to debilitating headaches and often teeth pain too. He pulls on his bones to try and alleviate the pain because the pressure does help in the moment, but the strain he puts on them always leaves him far more sore after.

The years of starvation also left his bones far more brittle and prone to breakage. He's gonna be extra careful even while doing things like getting out of the shower or sitting down. He would benefit from getting braces and several different kinds of mobility aids, but it's not like he's got access to any of that either in his world or at the castle, so he learns to make do without.

Dust:

Because he's got a high LV and yet his soul is still inside of his body, he experiences a lot of side effects from that. Things like: chest pains, frequent headaches, auditory and visual hallucinations, memory problems, frequent blackouts, disorientation, and bone fragility (though, unlike Horror, his bones aren't more prone to breaking, they're more prone to dusting).

The thin layer of dust that constantly covers his bones causes frequent rashes and irritation. It's not unusual to see red blotches on his bones. Massaging his bones with oil or cremes would help relieve some of his discomfort and I'm sure that Killer does his best to find and steal some for him, but their resources are still limited and his access to it is only temporary. Also, that scarf he always wears doesn't help, what with it being covered in dust. And having his hood always up doesn't help either, since fabric rubbing against his already sensitive and irritated bones is probably Hell. Wearing some lighter and breezy clothing would do wonders for him. (Yes, this is part of my propaganda to put all my faves in pretty dresses. It would look cute and it makes sense, I swear).

Cross:

Old badly healed fractures from his time in the military probably cause him a lot of general pain he's grown used to in the years. But, by far, the worst of his problems come from his and XChara's unusual soul situation. Sharing a soul cannot be easy, and it probably leads to a great deal of disorientation and confusion around their memories and identities.

Not knowing where one ends and the other begins makes social interactions with outsiders to their bond rather difficult. It most likely led Cross to develop a great deal of social anxiety which is why he often tends to isolate himself and suppress most of his emotions. Truly, he tries to minimize the amount of meaningful social interactions he gets because the panic attacks afterward are just not worth it

All skeletons should immediately be put in loose pretty dresses /hj

But honestly I love these very much, they seem very probable. And I can honestly relate to Killer’s dehydration and Horror’s teeth problems, those things suck. (For me tho it’s often because water is a boring drink.)

Also do you think that whenever Killer decides to take the others on his responsibility, does he do things like help Dust rub the cream on his bones, especially with those hard to reach places or extra painful spots? Maybe this is something they’d have to work up to, as doing something like that is a rather vulnerable thing, requiring trust.

I think itd be a cute image though, and maybe if we go with the headcanon that horror is or grows to be a little bigger or taller than Murder and Killer, he offers Murder some of his clothes since they’re bigger and looser. I’d imagine that Killer would have to frequently steal and horde painkillers and numbing medications for the gang, and perhaps manage it all carefully to avoid overuse.

And Dust probably wouldn’t want to wash his scarf, but I wonder if he’d accept a cleaner version of a scarf that looks just like it and just keep the old one as a comfort somewhere in his room.

And I’d imagine that Dust and Horror would have to frequently remind both Killer and Cross/XChara of who they are, where they are, the time and the year.

And very likely have to remind Killer about things multiple times either because he forgot something, or because he was asked to do something but didn’t realize if that experience was real or not. Perhaps they create a little system of asking if they can hold Killer’s hand (or let him hold their hand), to anchor him in reality whenever it seems like he’s not really present or sure.

{ @stellocchia }

Honestly id love to hear more about all of your headcanons. They’re all so detailed.

[yae-energy]

get in bitch, we’re going shopping

synopsis: my take on what it’s like going to the mall with saiki and friends

cast: kusuo saiki, shun kaidou, aren kuboyasu x shopaholic black fem reader (all platonic)

cw: theft (kuboyasu’s part) , cursing

a/n: this won the poll so come get y’all snacks ! this was also mega fun to write omg 😭😭😭

—

saiki - doesn’t even wanna be there

- bro just wants to stay home ong 😭

- def keeps that germanium ring on him cause he is not trynna hear everybody’s nasty ass thoughts

- sticks close to you if you’re in a group cause you’re the only one who isn’t stressing him out

- also cause you tend to wander off when looking at display windows

- has to keep you from going into every store y’all come across but man is that an exhausting job

- like he don’t wanna be there all damn day

- but having to stop you from getting pouty cause they didn’t have the sneakers you want is worse

- will literally use his clairvoyance to find the shoes in another store and then swap it with a different pair of the same value so you can shut the hell up 😭 (love a supportive king !!)

“they dont have the shoes?? i literally waited all damn day for those and they don’t even- …. huh? since when did these get here?”

“must be magic, now let’s get the hell outta here PLEASE”

- food court enthusiast !!!

- without a doubt his favorite place in the mall

- buys you both lunch

- also buys you a key chain as a gift cause he saw you eyeing it in one of the windows, and puts it in one of your bags so you’ll see it when you get home

- will not tell you he bought it

- you rambling to him on the way to school the next day about how you must’ve gotten it by mistake is a reward in itself

—

kaidou - shopaholic bestie

- just like you, kaido loves a good shopping spree !!!

- he’s gotta deck himself out so dark reunion knows who they messing with !!!

- they don’t call him the jet black wings for nothing 😤

- gives surprisingly good fashion advice

“this color brings out your skin tone you should get this”

“these shoes match that hat you should get these”

“gold accessories fit your skin perfectly”

- loves when you give him a fashion show if you’re trying on clothes

- will literally make you runway walk 💀

- hot topic king !!!!

- prob their biggest buyer tbh

- gets those corny graphic tees and you have to BEG him to not wear them in public

- like he genuinely thinks they’re cool and you’re like

“😬…lets not”

- goes straight to the bookstore to see if they have any new manga

- will be there for hours if you don’t pull him out

- like he dead read a whole book once while you were out looking for bags

- you bought it for him as a treat cause he carried all your bags for you

—

kuboyasu - a thief in the night

- im sorry y’all but this man def steals (same tho/hj)

- and doesn’t give a fuck either

- but most of the time it’s not even on purpose fr

- like he’ll pick up something and be like

“damn this shit cool ash”

- then will forget he has it in his hand and walk out with it 😭

- is banned from 3 of your favorite stores for doing this so he just stands outside like a club bouncer and waits for you

- best believe if someone tries to get at you he’s there to keep em in check !!

- once a cashier tried to get your number and he was not having it

“nuh uh”

- like 🤷🏽‍♀️ sorry but if they look like a loser he’s not letting it happen

- people assume you guys are dating cause he does that but he’s just a little protective fr

- he ain’t letting no scrub try to take you out, tf he look like?

- steals you that expensive bag you wanted

- goes with you into the makeup stores and lets you swatch the lipsticks on him if you run out of room on your hand

- will be mad if they don’t have your shade in anything and curse out the employees

- gets banned

[rubyreduji]

Baby Please Come Home — hjs

summary: they’re singing deck the halls, but it’s not like christmas at all

tags: fluff, established relationship, idolverse, gn!reader wc: 2.9k an: it’s predictable but still cute okay leave me be

“Y/N! There’s something for you outside the door!” You emerge from your room to see your roommate standing at the front door.

You haven’t ordered anything recently so you aren’t sure what it is. When you reach the door you see it’s not a normal package either. It’s a box wrapped in shiny red wrapping paper with a bow on top, just like a Christmas present. 

You pick it up and look at the tag on it. To Y/N, From Your Secret Santa.

You frown a bit in confusion before moving to the couch to open the present. You carefully unwrap the present to reveal a normal box under it. When you open that box you find a pile of clothes and a bag of candies for you. The clothes are adorable and definitely your style and the candies are your favorite kind. It would be a great, if only you knew who it was from. You aren’t a part of any Secret Santas this year so you’re not sure who even sent the present.

You search through the box a bit more before you find a note in the bottom.

Dear Y/N,

Merry Christmas! I know Christmas this year might be hard on you, so I thought I’d send you a little something to cheer you up. When I saw these sweaters I knew they would be perfect for you and I know you can’t miss out on a sweet tooth moment. Wishing you nothing but the happiest of holidays.

Love,

Your Secret Santa

You search the note for hints but still come up short. You have an idea of who you hope it would be from, but you banish those thoughts from your mind. There is no way it could be from him, he is busy with other things this time of the year. If anything it’s probably from your mom just trying to do something nice for you. You appreciate it nonetheless and you can’t wait to thank the gift giver when you find out who it is. It is exactly what you needed to get you in the Christmas spirit.

The next couple of days the gifts continue to come. Some Christmas decorations, a stuffed teddy bear, some scented candles, that book you keep talking about buying. Each gift comes with it’s own note and it isn’t until the seventh day of gifts that you finally put the clues together.

This gift is of a Lego set. You’ve only told one person about this set and the note confirms your suspicions.

Dear Y/N,

I remember you mentioning this to me once or twice. I know you try to hide your love for Legos but I hope this can help be more open with your joys, even the little ones. You deserve things that make you happy. Let’s put it together the next time I see you, yeah?

Love,

Your Secret Santa

Tears well up in your eyes a bit. Of course it’s been him. You were crazy to think anything else.

“Hey Y/N- woah, are you okay?” Your roommate barges into your room only to be stopped in their tracks by your tears.

“I’m fine, I just…Josh has been sending me the gifts.”

Joshua is your boyfriend. You guys have been dating for years now but his time is often spent in Korea with his K-POP group. You know how much being an idol means to him, and you support him no matter what, it’s just hard to not have him around as often as you’d like.

This year he’s been busier than usual and gave you the news a few months back that he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to come back home for the holidays. It has been weighing on you pretty heavily with Christmas coming up and something about the gifts make it better and worse.

It’s a sweet gesture, sending you gifts he knew you’d like to help you celebrate Christmas even while he’s an ocean away. You appreciate the sentiment to no end, but the smallest part of you can’t help but wish you could just have Joshua with you.

“Why don’t you call him?” Your roommate suggests. “I’m sure he would love to hear from you.” With that they leave your room again and you search for your phone.

You double check the time in Korea before you dial his number. You haven’t talked to him in a while outside of a few minor texts checking in on one another. You haven’t seen his face outside of promotional photos though. The phone rings twice before Joshua picks up, his face filling your screen.

“Hi baby!”

“Hi, how are you? Have I caught you at a good time?”

“Yes, yes, of course. Anytime is a good time for you,” he tells you. You know that is definitely not the truth, but it’s still cute he said it. “So what’s up? How’s my favorite person been?”

“I’ve been amazing. All thanks to your gifts, Secret Santa.”

You watch the way Joshua’s face contorts into a grin. “Ah, you’ve figured it out! I’m glad, I was hoping you’d figure it out soon. I know I can’t be home for Christmas, and it’s been killing both of us, but I hope this can make up for some of it.”

“It’s amazing, you’re the best boyfriend ever Josh. Truly, thank you. You didn’t have to put so much effort into it, but it’s much appreciated. You have me very spoiled.”

“Oh just wait for your next few gifts. I had the boys help me pick out a couple of them and I just know you’re going to love them. Send me your reaction when you get them, okay?”

You’re not sure why but without meaning to, tears start to well in your eyes again. “O-of course Josh.”

“Oh baby. Baby what’s wrong? Is it too much?”

“No, no, I love the gifts, they’re all amazing, trust me. It’s just…I miss you so much. Christmas doesn’t feel like Christmas without you. The gifts are wonderful and everything, but it’s not the same you know?”

“I get it, and I’m really sorry I can’t be home Y/N. You know I wish for nothing more than to be with you right now.”

“I know that baby, and it’s not your fault. It doesn’t stop me from missing you though. I have my friends and family and everyone, but you’re the one who means the most to me. I wish we could just cuddle under the blankets with hot chocolate and watch bad Hallmark Christmas romance movies.”

“I wish I could kiss you right now,” Joshua says. His face is more somber now, but you can still see the hint of admiration behind his eyes. Your heart fills with warmth knowing that you guys love each other no matter what.

“I’ll give you double the kisses the next time I see you,” you tell him.

“Well then, I’ll try to be home as soon as possible.”

“Shua-yah!” You hear someone call for Joshua off camera, it sounds like DK.

“Ah, duty calls,” you joke. “I’ll talk to you later, yeah?”

“Of course. I love you, don’t forget that.”

“Never, as long as you don’t forget I love you just as much.”

“I couldn’t even if I tried, not that I ever would. I have to go now, but remember to text me with your reactions to your gift tomorrow. Okay, bye, love you!” With that, the phone call ended. You sigh and place our phone back down.

“Please come home soon,” you mutter to your room before getting up to get on with your day.

Luckily finding out that Joshua is your ‘Secret Santa’ has given you more reasons to text him. You give him a daily update on your gifts and how your reactions to them. Each one is just as amazing as you expect. Just when you didn’t think you could love Joshua more, here he is, showing how well he listens to you and how much he cares about you and how well he knows you.

Truly the only thing that could make everything better would be to have your boyfriend with you in the flesh.

You push those thoughts away as you continue getting ready for Christmas dinner. You’re going over to your parents house to eat dinner with your family and to exchange presents. You fix your outfit before clasping the gold chain necklace around your neck. It was the last gift Joshua gave you and you nearly cried when you saw it.

It’s a beautiful piece with a thin gold chain and a beautiful gem pendant. On the back of the pendant is your and Josh’s initials engraved. It is the most gorgeous piece of jewelry you own and sure to pair it with your outfit for tonight to make sure Joshua is with you in some way.

You check yourself in the mirror once more before you make your way to your parents house. Your father greets you at the door before ushering you into the house where your mother is finishing up dinner in the kitchen.

“Y/N! Oh it’s so nice to see you sweetie.” Your mom presses a quick kiss to your cheek before continuing to tend to the food.

“Let me help you Mom, you seem to have a lot on your plate.”

“Oh no, I’m good here. How about you help set the table though.”

“Can do! How many places should I set?”

“Eleven places, dear.”

“Eleven? Who else is joining us?” It was customary for your family to have ten places during holidays.

“Oh it’s just one of your father’s work friends. He didn’t have anyone to spend the holidays with so your father offered him to come here. Isn’t that nice?”

You hum in agreement before you start to set the table. You softly sing along to the Christmas music your mother has playing as you get the table ready for the feast. Just as you finish setting the last place the doorbell rings and you rush to get it. When you open the door your grandparents stand there and you greet them with hugs.

Soon the house fills up with the guests and your mother starts to place food out on the table. Being with your family fills you with a warm feeling and even though your boyfriend is still on your mind, the presence of your other loved ones helps relieve some of that pain.

Everyone is seated at the table when you notice the eleventh spot is still empty.

“Hey Dad, is your friend still coming?”

“Hm? Oh, right! He’s just running a bit late sweetie. We can start to eat without him.”

You can’t shake the feeling something is a bit off but you don’t make a fuss as everyone starts to dish out the food. You fill up your plate and start to eat while your family starts to make idle chatter in between bites. You only listen to half of it, your brain wandering off to thinking about what Joshua’s doing right now.

You make a mental note to try and call him later tonight when your thoughts are interrupted by a loud knock on the door.

“Oh Y/N sweetie, could you get that?” Your father asks and you nod before getting up and walking over to the door.

When you open the door you come face to face with a man you’ve never met before. He must be your father’s friend. You welcome him in, trying to tamper down the disappointment that rises in you. You don’t know why you thought it would have been someone else. Joshua is in Korea, you know this. He has important idol work to attend to, he can’t just get up and come to America because you miss him.

You sit back down in your place as your father and his friend start up a conversation about their job. Your appetite has lessened and you can’t help chide yourself for having such silly thoughts. You fingers move up to fiddle with the chain around your neck, trying to remind yourself that just because you’re not together physically doesn’t mean you guys aren’t with each other in other ways.

“Y/N honey, are you okay?” Your mother asks and you look up to see your mother staring at you with a worried expression.

“Hm? Oh yeah, I’m fine. I was just lost in thought. Dinner is great though, thank you for making all of this.” You make a show of taking a big bite of the potatoes on your fork. Your mother still looks a bit worried but drops the subject, thankfully.

You try to put yourself back into the conversation. Just because things aren’t how you wish, doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy yourself. It works some, listening to your grandparents share anecdotes and getting to know your father’s co-worker.

When dinner is finished the adults pour a drink and you sit and talk with them for a bit more before you excuse yourself for the night, claiming tiredness taking you over. You don’t go straight home when you leave you though, driving downtown instead.

You walk the decorated streets, listening to the faint Christmas music playing out of the street speakers. There’s a bit in the air but it doesn’t bother you much. Most of the shops are closed and the streets are fairly empty, save for a few families and a handful of couples.

You stare at the couples for a little too long, thinking about your own boyfriend. When you focus hard enough you can almost feel his hand enveloping yours as you walk down the street.

A few minutes later you sigh and give up, heading back to your car. It’s no use. As much as you can imagine and wish and try, Joshua still isn’t with you, and your Christmas is nothing but sad and lonely. 

You take your time driving back home, listening to your radio and staring at everyone’s light displays. It’s nearly midnight when you pull into your parking spot and trudge up to your apartment. The lights are off when you get inside and there’s no noise, signaling your roommate is spending the night at their parents’ house.

You change out of your nice clothes and pull on one of the sweaters Joshua sent you before you start a pot of hot water for some hot chocolate. You check the time, 11:58. Joshua should be free right now, even though it’s not Christmas over in Korea anymore. You dial his number only for his phone to go straight to voicemail. Damn it.

You wonder what he’s up to right now as you pour the cocoa powder into your mug. It’s also from one of Joshua’s gifts. You think to yourself that if you can’t be with Joshua, at least you can surround yourself with things that represent him.

Just as you’ve sat down on your couch to turn a movie on, you hear a knock on your door. You glance at your clock. 12:04. Who could be at your door at this time? Did our roommate come home and forget their key again?

You set your mug down and make your way to the door before opening it. When you do you nearly scream out. Standing at your front door is the one person who’s been on your mind for weeks. You don’t have control of your body as you move forward to throw yourself onto the man. You wrap your limbs around him as you feel tears start to stream down your face. He’s quick to catch you, pulling you into him even together.

You don’t know how long you stay like that, crying in his arms, but you don’t think you’ve ever been happier than in this moment. When you finally pull away you see his face is also a bit tear stained. You can’t help but pull him back into a hug.

“W-what are you doing here?” You hold him tight, like if you let go of him he’ll disappear. 

“I told you I'd be home as soon as possible. I just had to get those kisses you promised," he tells you with a grin. "Truthfully, I just kept thinking about you and Christmas and I knew I needed to come home. I talked to our manager and they gave me a few weeks for break so I could come home and be with you,” Joshua explains. “I’m sorry I’m late though.”

“Late?” You pull back again so you could look Joshua in the face.

“I missed Christmas, I’m sorry.” Joshua gestures to the clock. “Past midnight.”

“Oh shut up, who cares? It only matters that you’re here now.” You finally allow Joshua to step into your apartment fully. “You know, I loved everything you gave me, but you are the best Christmas gift.” You pull him into you again, this time connecting your lips as you do.

The kiss is soft and gentle yet passionate as you both try to make up for months of being apart. When you pull away Joshua has a dopey grin on his face.

“You know you’re pretty romantic,” he teases and you roll your eyes.

“Says the guy who flew here from Korea just to be with me. Now I think you owe me a movie night with hot chocolate and lots of kisses.”

“Only if we get to build the Lego set as well.”

“I think you have yourself a deal.” You press another quick kiss to his lips before you go to grab your Lego set. You know you’re going to spend the rest of the night reading instructions wrong and drinking way too much sugar but you can’t imagine a better way to spend your night.

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[alexxncl]

who fell first, who fell harder (dateables + thirteen)

no luke bc he's a baby

(yes i have favorites, thirteen is one of them)

OG AND NB SPOILERS

masterlist | more drabbles/hcs | brothers edition

dia

dia did both, fight me

when he met solomon, it was purely childlike wonder

mc on the other hand, there was something about them that piqued his interest

despite being so much less powerful than him, they treated him as if they were equals, poking fun at his naivety, joking with him, pushing him to open up when they knew something was wrong

he always had a profound interest in humanity, but was forbidden to act on it due to his father's overprotectiveness (fuck the demon king fr /hj)

they always encouraged his curious spirit, to barbatos' displeasure, but sometimes they managed to convince barbie to join them on whatever adventure dia had planned under the guise of needing protection

they were overhwelmingly open with him, gravitating towards his castle when they had a bad day, and he later found himself doing the same when barbatos and luci weren't around

they read him better than barb and luci combined on most days

he always thought about them on his business and personal excursions, making sure to pick up souvenirs that reminded him of them just so see their eyes light up when he gifted them to them

they made him feel like his dreams were worthwhile, like he'd been able to live up to both his father's and an entire kingdom's expectations of him

how could a simple human make him feel like the weight of the world was off if his shoulders with something as small as a smile?

mc begun to realize that no matter how busy he was, he'd always find a way to make time for them

whether it was in his room, on a phone call, over text, he'd always check in on them to see how they were doing

they always noticed how much he struggled with his position, wanting the best for everyone even if it meant digging himself into a hole

they'd always ask him when he'd get back from his trips, waiting in his room to surprise him with sweets or tea and a movie

the sleepovers happened more often after the lesson 16 incident, he didn't want them staying at the HOL even under the brothers' protection, he was less paranoid if they were within arm's reach

one night, he got back later than expected and found mc curled up in his bed in their nightclothes, and he realized how turly in love with him he was

when both of them woke up the next morning, mc was beyond apologetic for falling asleep and taking up too much space and -

he kissed them and confessed right after

this was a month or so before they left the devildom

barb

mc fell first, barb fell harder

mc didn't like him all that much at first, he was always so secretive and elusive to every question they asked him

why couldn't he just be normal?

they spent as much time as they could around him, trying to catch him at his weakest point so they could pry answers out of him

spending so much time around someone will force you to pick up on the smallest details

how even in the worst situations, he puts on a smile

how his eye bags continued to get worse and worse weeks into the semester

how after dia's trips he'd be more likely to doze off in class

how he'd hide his physical and mental pain from everyone, so well that even luci and dia rarely picked up on it

regardless of his bad days, mc still pestered him with questions about his powers, about how he met solomon, about why they of all people were chosen for the program, all while asking questions about what he liked and disliked, what his favorite color was

they started bringing snacks and energy drinks to classes they shared with him

whenever they went shopping, they bought him gifts related to what he'd tell them

they slowly started opening up about why they were so curious, feeling like they didn't belong or weren't good enough to succeed at the school

then, he caught a glimpse of their death

he'd grown close to the human, the thought of losing them was almost unbearable

their bright smile, the way they supported the young master, their intelligence, hell, even their endless questions about him and his history

he vowed never to interfere with the timeline for personal gain, but mc was too important for him to lose

after sending them back, he'd talked to his past self about why they were so important, why a human with a life as small and insignificant as theirs had ended up meaning to much to him in such a short amount of time

he'd make sure nothing like this would ever happen to them again, insisting on escorting both dia and mc to school every day

diavolo, despite barbatos' best attempts at hiding it, noticed how much he'd grown to care for the human and insisted that if barbatos didn't tell them how he felt, he'd do it himself

the confession happened a few days before mc left the devildom, they were sitting in his room with the newest tea from the human realm when he told him how he felt

"i know, i was just waiting for you to make a move"

they're still as insufferable as the day they fell to the devildom, but he loved them nonetheless

solomon

solomon fell first, mc fell harder

there's a reason he took them on as his apprentice

he saw how close they were with the brothers, how easily they made pacts with them despite knowing them for not even half as long

they'd all felt mc's aura, it almost matched his own

he'd never met someone as optimistic about such a multidimensional situation, being thrust into a world where you were nothing but food to those around you

solomon was there when their happy-go-lucky act about the devildom started to show its cracks

he saw the homesick look in their eyes every time they walked through the devildom streets, strolling through the halls, walking to their room in the HOL

he hated how much it reminded him of himself, he wanted to be there for them

he was the only other human in the devildom after all, they had to be close

he'd conjure up cityscapes, sneak up to the human realm late at night to bring them gifts from their hometown, ask them their favorite recipes (for some reason, he always had to pry those answers out of them)

whenever mc missed home, they'd walk over to purgatory hall and knock on his door, sometimes tearfully wishing they could go home, even with no family to greet them

they'd tried to help him cook, but even their guidance could barely salvage whatever mess he ended up creating in the kitchen

they begged him to teach them spells, to take them under his wing, and even to learn how to become immortal after growing more accustomed to the devildom since the thought of leaving their family behind hurt too much to think about

they didn't want to leave him behind

they'd do anything in their power to stay with him as long as possible, even if it meant pestering him and barbatos about his immortality endlessly

solomon's confession was far from planned, they were back in the human realm having a picnic in the park, reminiscing on all the adventures they had in the devildom

mc talked about how scared they were at the thought of death, and how close they were to experiencing it after the lesson 16 incident

they never expected him to fall for someone with a life so short in comparison to his, someone who could be nothing but a memory if an enemy's cards were played right

the way he held their hand and told them he loved them, it would've been impossible not to feel the same

simeon

simeon did both

contrary to (somewhat) popular belief, the religious guilt he felt due to his status wasn't bad at all

he'd already been demoted from seraph to archangel

what would a little admiration for a human do?

even after the admiration turned to love, turned to desire, turned to lust, he still couldn't bring himself to care about the possibility of being cast out due to his emotions

hell, he would've been cast out sooner if he wasn't so scared to fall before the celestial war

mc is everything he dreamed of having, and then some

their eyes, their smile, the way they carried themself with so much integrity and the way their heart constantly overflowed with love for all of those around them

he wondered how much of that love was for him, how many other emotions they felt towards him

they were always so patient with him, they took such good care of luke, they made lucifer and his brothers happier than they'd been in centuries, happier than they ever were in the celestial realm

could he be happy, too? was loving them all it took for him to find true happiness?

mc took a liking to the angel from the moment they'd met him

he was a far cry from whatever image of an angel they'd had in their head, especially considering their religious upbringing

prim and proper of course, buy willing to indulge in the sins the brothers were so well known for, whether it be for his own personal gain, for luke, or, surprisingly, for them

he was always prideful when mc came to him for help or advice

he was greedy for their time and envious of those who spent too much with them, never having his fill

the silent wrath held towards belphegor after he mercilessly tried to take mc away from their family, from him

how he'd spend hours in bed hoping to dream of them

how when they kissed for the first time, it left them breathless and weak in the knees at the thought of him seeing them in that light

to them, he was the embodiment of everything they'd ever wanted

to him, they were his refuge, a home he'd gladly return to after his fall from grace

they taught him everything he needed to know about humanity, about being

thirteeen

mc did both

they'd always had a thing for intelligence

walking through the reaper's cave made them want to meet her, despite solomon advising against it

when they finally did meet her, the first thing they noticed about her was how pretty her eyes were

ofc they tried flirting, but none of their attempts worked

regardless of how she felt about them, they always wanted to learn more about her

they asked how old she was, how different the other world was from the devildom, if she could show them around

they hoped they weren't annoying her

she was harder to read than the rest of the brothers, but they'd broken down tsundere acts before so it wasn't anything new

they went out of their way to cross paths with her whenever they walked to class, they sat next to her at lunch to ask her how her day was

they asked about her traps and loved the way her whole demeanor changed when she got passionate about her ideas and creations

they started noticing small details, like how she clicked her pencil in time with the clock when class was almost over

how she had a soft side for luke despite scaring the shit out of him during their first meeting

how she was always so careful around mc, like they'd break if she pushed them too hard

how whenever she was overwhelmed, she'd play with the chains on her clothes because having something cool in her hands calmed her down

how despite claiming to hate solomon's guts, she was just frustrated that she couldn't get her hands on his soul

how pretty her lips looked when she smiled

she started opening up to mc as the semester went on, talking about her history with all three realms

how she was there when lilith died

how she was there when solomon was supposed to die

how she was there when mc's candle burnt out

how distraught she was when mc chose to pour some of their candle into beel's, wondering why someone with a life as fragile as theirs would sacrifice something so precious

she wanted mc to care for her the way they cared for the brothers, for the angels, for solomon

she started answering more and more of mc's questions

she started letting mc walk her home, and eventually showed them the ins and outs of the cave

the fountain of knowledge became their safe haven, free from the eyes of those who would give thirteen sideways glances when she walked hand-in-hand with the best friend of the seven rulers of hell

thirteen was talking about how she was tasked with carrying solomon's soul to the otherworld once he died, how she felt like a failure for not being able to do so, when she noticed mc with a sad smile look on their face

they told her nothing in the world would've made her anything but perfect in their eyes, even if she had no choice but to let their candle burn out

she asked mc what else was up, the sad smile being replaced with a more content expression

"nothing, just thinking about how much i love you"

she wanted to bolt right then and there

why did that make her feel funny?

love? of all the words they could've said, they loved her?

falling in love with death, the irony of it all, thirteen would give anything to keep that smile on mc's face

(even if it meant sneakily pouring bits of solomon's candle onto mc's behind her family's back)

[sunny-speaks]

Househusband Harper Headcanons

Hello, hello !! I am going to be redoing some blog design stuff when I WORK UP THE MOTIVATION-- so if the blog name changes, y’all know why!!

Anyway, I've been deep diving for Harper crumbs to accurately write him as one does. (gotta get everything lore accurate, would not be able to live with a too OOC in any of my fictional literature./hj)

AND I KNOW HE WOULD RATHER HAVE YOU BE THE AT-HOME PERSON AND WHATNOT while he works but hear me out… He would be such a good househusband, alright? AUHG- Everything's under the cut, lol.

also Harper is from @campwillowpeak !! I can remove the tag btw, if you don't wanna be tagged in further works ;-;

So maybe the two of you had been married for years. Doesn’t make Harper feel any less happy when you introduce him to people as your husband or when he sees the ring on your hand that he bought for you before you leave the house, it always leaves him with a tingly feeling.

After all, now you’re his. And doesn’t that sound just lovely?

Harper’s got that side job of his to keep the both of you financially stable, as long as you don’t ask too many questions about it.

He doesn’t understand why you need to go work, when the two of you could be comfortable at home from his profits.

Especially when he has more than enough to keep you happy with him!

But if that’s what his partner wants, who is he to deny you?

He’s always anxious to let you leave the house, you’re so magnificent, what if on your way home, some creep tries to hit on you?

He knows you wouldn’t cheat on him and that you can defend yourself, but… but wouldn’t it be safer to just be at home with you?

Or worse, what if one of your coworkers, god forbid your boss, tried to… coerce you into something!

He knows you always wear your wedding ring, and he made sure that it was shiny enough to show people how much he loved you. (Material objects could never dare to show anyone how much he loved you. He loves you sooo much and he knows you love him too !)

But there are a lot of ignorant people out there! 

If you let him, Harper's be more than glad to mark you up, stake his claim so your peers know exactly who you’re married to.

“Cara miaaa,” Your husband looked up at you with wide, pleading, unfaltering eyes, “You said your coworkers were giving you trouble, right?” He’d practiced saying it without violently cursing out your coworkers. You wouldn’t like it if he was mean about them… Even if it was true.

“Unfortunately, yeah. They can’t take a hint, even with this.” You gestured to your wedding ring. “I don’t get how it’s so hard for them to understand I’m a faithful spouse…”

And with that, Harper set his plan into action. “Y’know… we could do something a bit more drastic, if you wish, dear?”

Your eyes glinted with a hint of mischief. “And what would that be, Harp?” You had a vague idea what he was hinting at, but you wanted to hear him say it.

“Mm, just showing them how much I looove you… and maybe biting you.” He muttered the last part to himself, a light flush making its way to his face. He had not prepared too much on how to convince you.

“You mind giving me a little preview?” You sat yourself down on the couch and beckoned him towards you with a finger.

“Not at all, cara mia.”

But there are some pros to being alone when you’re gone!

Harper being your dutiful househusband means he can and will do anything and everything for you !

(And indulge himself in certain activities while you’re gone)

He also has complete control over everything you sleep in, you eat, you wear.

So if you notice some odd stains on your clothes or weird tastes in your food, he doesn’t know what you’re talking about ! Do you not like the food he spent so much time preparing? Or the laundry he did to take a load off your back ?

It’s not his fault he gets so lonely when you’re gone ! It’s just because he misses you so much !

You should just quit your job, you know? It’s so dangerous ! That boss of yours was targeted by an arsonist ! (Because he had the nerve to try and touch you.) Gosh, what if you were next ?! (Harper would never do that to you though… <3)

You should just listen to your husband, he’s so worried for you ! Won’t you pleaaase hear him out?

[kwnnys]

can I request Damien thorn with a shy reader s/o?

— damien thorn with a shy s/o!

hcs : gender neutral reader. a/n : very rushed 😭😭 anyw i love damien sm hes so pookie

gonna be honest first thing i thought of when I saw this req was that "excuse me they asked for no pickles" meme.

anyways, damien doesn't mind that you're shy for the most part. in fact its one of the features he loves about you

the only downside is that he himself is quite shy in terms of relationship 🤷‍♂️so it'll be probably take a while before you two actually start dating and doing relationship thingies 🤫

obviously being the son of satan its safe to say he has alot of enemies, so he'll always want to be with you so he can protect you whenever

hes not huge on pda, but if you like it then he will occasionally intertwine pinkies and hold your hand <3

you're too shy to initiate any type of affection, and hes pretty oblivious. so you have to subtly brush your hands against his or pout a few times before he gets the hint.

he will always ask you for permission before touching you, especially in public.

not the best at reassuring or giving out words of affirmation, but the boy is trying his best.

he'll do things for you that you're too shy to do, ex: ordering food, making calls, saying no for you.

you show your appreciation with a small smile, or if hes lucky a kiss on the cheek!

he will unintentionally fluster you alot. telling you that you look beautiful today, maintaining eye contact, giving you random gifts he probably got from hell.

hes pretty oblivious to what he does to you, and you hate it. it doesn't help that he will sometimes ask why you're blushing or why your face is red

hes very inexperienced when it comes to relationships, and his dad definitely doesn't help either. so he mostly goes to pip for advice. (even though he doesn't help much, and probably makes things worse/hj)

"they keep avoiding eye contact with me, I didn't even do anything to them!" "oh dear, perhaps you did do something to upset them. they wouldn't act like that without a reason"

you only couldn't look at him because you noticed how pretty his eyes were, and felt embarrassed when staring.

in the end he loves you even with your shy tendencies, and will always treasure you forever <3

[solarballs-confessions]

I don’t really like SB x GHE because the thing that makes Iris so terrifying and weird is the fact that it’s sentient. That’s like the idea, which is why merging it with SB kind of removes part of the point.

There are other things about Iris that makes it scary, sure, but it’s not what I find most interesting about this analogue horror.

SB is a silly educational show where I don’t find the planets scary, but GHE is made to feel like real found footage from around 40 years ago. Imagine a random new planet, the size of a gas giant appears at the edge of our solar system. A planet that is actually sentient. A planet that has the ability to mutate other astronomical objects. When Neptune got mutated it seems to me that it also became sentient, when it turns around in the solar system video and you see the purple “wound”, that’s actually supposed to be an eye.

Not to mention the fact that Iris mutates multiple other objects, and has life which it sends to Earth, our home planet, to make matters worse.

I just think GHE is scarier on its own, but Ig I see the angst potential? Idk if this rant makes sense, it’s like 2 in the morning and I had too much coffee. Also most of the stuff I’m saying about GHE is how I perceived it when I watched it. I’ve been a fan of it for a while, before I found SB. I just feel like the SB fandom isn’t doing GHE justice, it’s genuinely my favorite analogue horror so I’m going rabid /hj

- 🦐

.

[noodlefluid]

Sick day | Leo×Sick!Reader

▪︎Sumary

You've been sick for a couple of days, Leo takes care of your sassy ass

❥Type: Fanfic

 ❥Characters: Leo Reader

 ❥Reader's pronouns: no mention

 ❥Relationship: Neutral (can be read as platonic or romantic

 ❥Autor notes: This is the request I lost because I'm an idiot who doesn't know how to use tumblr. Anyways the request was about Leo taking care of a sick reader, cause asker was sick (by the way, I hope you're better, if you're not...oof lmao/j), I hope this satisfied you. Also sorry for the wait and more because is really short, this is based on my own experiences of being sick, and I vave just been really sick like 2 or 3 times

Besides from that, english is not my first language, if you find any mistake in grammar, translation or sentences that don't make sense, please let me know, I would be grateful.

Warning: Mention of death (playfully), swearing, kinda short, things that come with being sick (pills, coughing, fever) mention of soup (soup haters dni/hj), fluff, online translator help

─────────────── »◦❀◦« ───────────────

It was a really bad day, you were glued to the bed due to a cold, you swear it wasn’t a big deal, but the thermometer says otherwise, you have been sick for a few days now, getting better, yes, but feeling like shit either way. You decided to check your social media to kill boredom before it killed you. A notification popped up while you were looking at some posts

Leo: How ya doin?

You: Still sick  :(

My head’s gonna explode

Leo: Lmao

Want me to come over?

You: WHY U LAUGHING??

Oh sure

Leo: omw :D

You put your phone aside for a moment, closing your eyes thinking that a little nap while waiting for Leo wouldn’t be bad. Before you could fully relax a sudden noise make you jump, sitting in your bed due to the panic, a green figure was standing in the door, dressing all black with what looked like a science book with a cross draw with sharpie in the cover in his right hand and a plastic bag in the other, it was Leo, who decide opening your bedroom door in the normal way just wasn’t for him and instead almost destroyed it.  You quickly change from a scared expression to an annoyed one, your forgot that this turtle can teleport

“Today we are here to say farewell to our beloved y/n, who was a- ugh" The red-eared slider couldn’t finish his speech when a pillow land on his face

“...Get the hell out of my house” Just as you said that, you turned your back, pulling the blanket over your face you were happy in the turtle presence, that’s just how your dynamic was

Leo then made an outrageous expression, putting his hand against his plastron and gasping so loud and dramatically that you wouldn’t be surprised if the neighbor had heard him “first of all, rude. Second of all”  he throw the book somewhere in your room while he walked up to your bed “I was gonna give you something but since little y/n here doesn't like ky presence, I would keep it” he make the plastic bag sound

You uncover your face to see “what is it?” you said as you sat on your bed, he gives you the bag and you looked inside

“I assumed that you haven’t eat yet, so I bring you some treats” He was right, you haven’t eat all day, not because you weren’t hungry but because you couldn’t bring yourself to get up the bed and make something

"Thanks, Leon”, you thanked him while looking a little closer to the plastic bag content, inside there were a few of your favorite snacks along with some drinks, you take a water bottle, it was starting to feel like you were dying from dehydration, cold water was just what you needed at the moment

“How's your fever?” The turtle touched your forehead trying to take your temperature 

“mmh…it did get a little better yesterday, but I think it got worse today” You sounded resigned, you took a big sip from the drink, leaving almost half in the bottle

“There’s ice cream there too” Leo took the bag from your hands, pulling an ice cream cup that was at the bottom, your favorite of course “We should really try to lower your temperature, or else I'll have to plan your funeral for real” both laughed at the comment

“Please throw the bouquet at the end, I wanna see who’s next” your laughs got increased, but you had to stop after starting coughing, making your head hurt

Leo looked worried "Don't you have some pills or something that you can take?"

It did takes you a few second and a deep breath to talk "I think there's some paracetamol in the bathroom's mirror"

"I'll go get them, don't die"

"I'll try" you felt like the world was spinning, being sick was the worst, you heard Leo making sound in the bathroom, you weren't a quiet person and small noises weren't a problem for you, but now just the sound of the cabinet makes your ears hurts

Leo once again enter the room, in a more normal way now "here found them" he was speaking in his usual tone, but for some reason you feel it so loud

You grumbled as you take the pills and put them in your mouth, the taste of pills wasn't really your favorite, so you take a big sip of water before you could feel the bitter in your tongue

Leo looked worried for a moment “Sleep a little, you have to rest” Leo’s voice sounded softer, making you think of a purring cat. He took the things from your hands leaving them on the nightstand next to your bed so you could get a little more comfortable

“Thanks Lee, love ya” You made a heart with your hands, smiling softly

“me too, y/n” He mirrored your gesture, smiling at you while leaving the room, closing the door behind him.  

_____________________________

You woke up, you didn’t know how long you slept, the sky in your window began to darken, you felt better, your headache almost gone. You sat to try and find your phone and check the time, but by doing so a wet towel fell on your lap, it seems that it was placed on your forehead, you took it, trying to figure out how it get there. Your head didn't hurt anymore, and your body felt a little more cooler

While you were thinking, the door opened up, it was Leo once again.

The mutant turtle had a tray with a bowl of soup in his hands, noticing you were awake, he smiled at you “I was just gonna wake you up, do you feel better?”

You nodded “What’s that?” you pointed to the bowl of soup

“Soup”

“Where did ya get that?”

“I made it myself for you” the turtle made an arrogance expression, he was proud of himself

“You know how to cook?” Your face was full of disbelief

“...I’m not gonna take care of you never again” You couldn’t help but chuckled at the answer while he pretend to tleave just to walked towards you immediately “Eat it, I have to go already, it’s getting late and I don’t want your parents to find me”

“oh…”You sounded a little bit too disapointed

“I can stay if you beg me” Leo smiled mockingly

“No, thanks.” your response was curt, once again making you both laugh “Message me when you get home and…if it’s okay…could you take care of me tomorrow again?”

“sure” 

[soobrat]

fuck up my life; hjs

milestone celebration masterlist

MINOR CHANGES MADE TO PREV ACT!

˗ˏˋ🎧´ˎ˗ pairing; han jisung x afab!reader

˗ˏˋ🎧´ˎ˗ words; 9.7k

˗ˏˋ🎧´ˎ˗ genre; this isn't your average every day angst, this is... advanced angst (+ a smidge of smut)

˗ˏˋ🎧´ˎ˗ warnings; very toxic relationship, two deplorable dirty cheaters, violence, graphic descriptions of injury (not for the squeamish), vague PIV, flashback mini smut, let me know if I missed anything, they're just cruel okay?

↻ ◁ || ▷ : I've never rewritten something as much as I've rewritten this. It's a big chapter (in terms of what happens) but it's still... well you'll have to read it. There's a reason the only smut is a flashback.

act ii ➻ glimpse of us

“Are you sure about her, Minho?” Something about Chan’s tone told you he wasn’t going to respect Minho’s decision either way. 

Minho sighs, you can tell he’s already sick of this. “Her and I have been together since we were freshmen. You guys don’t know her like I do.”

“I know her.” You inch a little closer, dangerously close to the doorway. Is Changbin there? Why the fuck is Changbin there?! “The amount of times I’ve been in detention with her, I know her plenty. I know she used to flirt with every guy there. Including me.”

Fuck, fuck. Minho doesn’t know about that, he doesn’t know about any of the shit Changbin saw. They never crossed paths in high school, so why the fuck is he here?

“That doesn’t matter, it’s been years since then. Ever heard of maturing? Bet you haven’t.”

You wince. You’re happy he’s sticking up for you, but his tone reminds you of your first time meeting his family. The way they reacted to his tone showed you this wasn’t normal for him. You gut clenches. Was his mom right?

“I know her, too.”

Your heart had effectively fallen out of your ass at the sound of Seungmin’s voice. 

“I probably know her better than you. I say get out while you can. You can’t fix whatever she’s got going on.” 

Your eyes glaze over, facing the wall but not focusing on anything. You’ve never heard Seungmin talk about you like that. This is it. There’s nothing he could use to paint Seungmin as unreasonable. Chan was an unlikable, judgmental asshole far before you came into the picture and Changbin was a drunken imbecile who flunked out of high school. But Seungmin… Seungmin was the only thing you and Minho had in common before you met. He’s a great person and even better friend. Not the type to talk shit about people or judge them unless it was truly warranted.

The type to properly convince Minho that his mother was indeed right about you changing him for the worse.

“Hey Seungmin,” You hear a chair get pushed back, the legs screeching against the wooden floor agonizingly slow. You hear the impact and the sound pulled from Seungmin because of it. You hear all of Minho’s friends react in shock and anger. You hear them order him to leave, hissing that he’s throwing his life away for a toxic bitch.

You stand there stunned, forgetting to skitter away before Minho walks out of the door. He looks down at you numbly, but you can see the regret seeping into his expression. He throws an arm around your shoulder and the two of you walk away from all his friends.

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

Jisung thought this would be the perfect environment.

“What compelled you to make that choice?”

Jisung asks himself that every day. He couldn’t dig for an answer, so it wouldn’t magically come to him now. But when he looks around after several minutes of quiet introspection, he sees a circle of impatient faces. It doesn’t distract him enough that his brain will stop flashing images of what Jiwoo will look like once he tells her this, but the words materialize nonetheless.

He’s anxious yet determined while he reevaluates these words before he speaks them into existence.

“Jisung. Jisung wake up!” 

He shoots up, brain on red alert as he looks around. Jiwoo’s jaded sigh sends fury coursing through Jisung’s veins. He looks down at his soiled underwear.

“Again?! It’s so– it’s so fucking disgusting! Clean it up!” Jiwoo kicks the comforter away before storming out of the room. Jiwoo has gained a lot of colorful language lately. Despite that, she is still shaking him awake for a drizzle of jizz. The two of them don’t even face each other in bed anymore, so she doesn’t have any on her. She wakes up at the crack of dawn, fucking rolls him over to check if it happened, and sounds the alarms like it’s defcon goddamn one. And if it’s that urgent for her and only her, why doesn’t she go sleep on the couch and leave Jisung the fuck alone? Now he’s going to function on less sleep at his job that provides sorely needed income for their new home.

Jisung snatches the bedding off the mattress, obeying her wishes like he always does. Fuming silently.

The memories crackle under his eyelids like torturous fireworks. All the moments that nudged him again and again and again until he was teetering off the edge of his admiration for Jiwoo.

After a quick inhale and beat of hesitation, the words are close to flying free like newly unshackled birds dancing in the wind. 

“My fiancée is a... m-my fiancée and I just need work.” Jisung cracks an awkward smile, reeling those angry thoughts back in and locking them up. He can't say things like that in a room full of strangers.

He looks around to see a room full of confusion and indifference. The instructor gives him a sympathetic look.

"Any one else wanna share?"

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

“We might as well get some bleach.” Jiwoo gestures half-heartedly at a bottle of bleach on the shelf. Jisung glares at her, knowing she’s not going to even look at him to give her demands. He rips the bleach off the shelf and drops it into the cart with a loud, heavy thud. She finally looks over at him, agitated.

“Why don’t you get extra detergent while you’re at it? Maybe two bottles since the washing machine has been working overtime.” Jiwoo is looking now, her eyes posing a challenge. She’s noticed the pissy attitude that Jisung has by now. Instead of getting upset that he is constantly annoyed in her presence like he thought she would, she goads him to do something about it.

Jisung tongues his cheek, knowing he could drop a bomb on her that would send her crumbling to the floor in tears. She’s gotten too comfortable with disrespecting him. It started with the sheets, but there were certain jabs and insults that revealed her true feelings.

“Maybe if you went for a jog or even to the gym, your brain would have something else to think about other than sex, sex, and sex.”

“Look at the bags under your eyes. It’s 9 am for god sakes. You didn’t work late yesterday either, you’re just sleeping half the day away.”

“This house is a mess every time I get back! I mean— how hard is it to put the cereal box back on top of the fridge? And your snack wrappers are beside the garbage can. Trash goes in the can.”

“What happened to those hobbies of yours?”

He should’ve told her then, but he really wants to tell her now. He goes to look her in the eye but notices she’s looking past him in confusion. He turns, flinching when he sees a face he recognized. He couldn’t pretend he didn’t know who he was after such a reaction, but he couldn’t fool himself into believing he didn’t recognize him either. He could never forget a face that exhibited such rage, pain, and regret.

“Do we know you, sir?” Jiwoo asks, voice losing its intensity from earlier.

Minho… that was the name you pleaded for in your sleep. The one you whispered in fear when he found out about the two of you. Right now he just has rage in his eyes.

Minho walks away without a word. When Jisung looks back at Jiwoo, her face is softer. She looks at him with doe eyes, the ones that appear when she’s not aware she resembles a fawn. Moments like these twist Jisung’s stomach even more. Times where Jiwoo is like her old self, no defensiveness or agitation. It’s the Jiwoo he fell in love with, whose image is eroded through his eyes in favor of someone else. No matter how much he forces himself, he doesn’t remember that moment when she broke his favorite anime figure when she makes that face. He remembers the first time he caressed your face after he finished doing unspeakable things to you. The way you looked at him in adorable horror, horror he couldn’t really decipher then.

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

You could kind of smell his body wash, but the smell of mildew was overwhelming. Not enough for you to peel the towel off your pillow. 

Minho left the house spotless. He cleaned up after your tantrum, and despite hours of back and forth with yourself, you can’t figure out whether he did it before or after he decided to leave. Did he clean it out of empathy? Picking up the glass with his bare hands and not caring if it cuts him because he’s so torn up that he hurt you? Or did he do it with a smile he couldn’t hide, skipping as he moved around the apartment he’d finally be abandoning for a better life?

You took a lot of time opening cupboards and drawers trying to find one sign of him ever being there. The only thing you found was a towel he used after a shower and left on the sink.

After some time in a psych ward, you decided to leave that house before it killed you. So you never did find out if he came back for it. 

You let the older woman who owns the complex know you’d be moving out. She was confused, unaware that Minho had left. 

“I speak to him all the time and he never told me.”

Light swam in your eyes for the first time in months. You take a quick inhale, darting your tongue out to moisten your cracked lips as you think through your next move. You could ask her to tell him that you’re okay. That you miss him. That you love him so much. But he wouldn’t be able to see your face, that there’s no shit eating grin or feigned regret. 

“Tell him that I’m moving out, so he doesn’t have to pay for the apartment anymore. Please.” The smile you force flickers off your face immediately after. You breeze past her with your bags before she can pry.

The view from your window is less bleak, and you’re no longer faced with empty areas that used to be filled with Minho. This is the place you and Minho used to talk about leaving to. He was frantic because his friends were urging Seungmin to press charges. You saw Seungmin not long after that, one side of his face swollen and bruised. That visual made you sick, so you didn’t mind Seungmin glaring at you and turning the other direction. 

Thankfully, Seungmin never pressed charges. 

You laugh, the silly manner in which you do so pushes you to laugh more. You spoke about leaving to this very place with two different men and you’re still here alone. You’re truly amazing.

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

Another day, another useless, petty fight. 

“It’s not normal, the way you are. I don’t care what your bros say, I don’t care what those dude movies tell you, most men aren’t like this. They aren’t animals who go feral at the sign of a tit!” 

Jisung chuckles, he can’t help it. Jiwoo uses her new naughty words like a child. He gets more pissed off looking at her smug face, so he’s glad it’s fading after he laughed.

“Something funny? There’s nothing funny about you being a pervert.”

“You don’t even know.” Jisung mutters before laughing again. 

Jiwoo moves closer, her brows lowering until they are perched right on top of her eyes. “What did you say?”

“I said what is the goal here? You bitch at me every day and I’m still the same.” The words fly free and Jisung feels lighter because of it. Jiwoo looks offended, the goading she’s been doing for weeks now finally working. 

“I bitch? Is that what I do?”

“Yes! You bitch at me at the crack of dawn–”

“9 am isn’t the crack of dawn!”

“I work late! My sleep schedule doesn’t just change because I don’t work two days out of the week! I’m! Tired!” Jisung’s volume goes flying against his will. Jiwoo flinches, this sudden change from Jisung pushing her to be incensed. She opens her mouth to fire back but Jisung is on a roll. 

“You call to bitch at me at work, you bitch at me when I come home, you bitch to yourself about me when I’m in the other room. All you do is bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch.” It’s Jisung now that sounds like a child discovering naughty words as he hurls them at his fiancée.

The breath Jiwoo exhales is shaky, her eyes glassy. She raises her hand, jaw dropping open to say her response but she stops. She hesitates in silence and Jisung’s anger builds while he watches her. Is she really hurt because he retaliated? Isn’t that what she’s egging him on to do?

“Go on! Say what you were going to say.” His volume still high, he causes Jiwoo to flinch after standing in silence for so long. 

““You don’t even know”... That’s what you said, right?” Jiwoo’s goading face is back. It’s mixed with hurt, and she doesn’t even know what to be hurt about yet. But she’s asking for it, and he’s going to give it to her.

He does what he always does, imagine her reaction. He’s entertained the scenario that she crumbles to the ground and begs to know why, shatters every dish against the ground, guts him like a fish, et cetera. Whatever happens, there’s only one way to find out, right? He just hopes he’s able to go in his room and read comics in peace without her–

His room. Their room. Suddenly he’s thinking back to the day they bought this house. She was only a little snippy then, so Jisung was a little excited. He could stop seeing you sprawled out, completely exhausted on his bed as he crawled over you. No amount of exhaustion ever stopped you from begging for more. Because of his guilt he didn’t accept Jiwoo’s offer to let her family pay for the house in full. He felt that weight off his shoulders for a little while. Then they move in and all traces of you move to Jiwoo. Even now, the hurt on her face only aches his heart because he sees you the moment you realized he was going back to Jiwoo. He only soiled the sheets more often after they moved and his thoughts of you became more shameless. Of course Jiwoo would be aggravated by him. Telling her the truth will morph that aggravation into something that could get him kicked out.

“What don’t I know, Jisung?” The look in Jisung’s eye makes her ask with more urgency. Jisung wonders about you in this moment of pressure. He wonders if you were serious about your proposition, or if it was just the two of you fantasizing that you betrayed your significant others just to get off. You asked the night after Minho ended things and he laughed mid stroke. If you were serious, you were probably hurt at that moment and somewhere alone right now. Would you let him stay with you after Jiwoo kicks him out? After he chose her over you?

“Hello?!”

“I get off on you being disgusted by me.” Jisung shouts, rendering Jiwoo speechless. This is what he’s been waiting for. She’s silent, the bitching has stopped, but he can’t help the disturbed feeling he has. Words leap from his turbulent stomach, stumbling from his lips.

“I… hump the bed thinking about you with semen on your body… and being distressed by it–”

Jiwoo gasps in horror, rushing away from Jisung like he’s a monster and not the man she’s marrying next month. She shuts herself in their room. The slam of the door and her shocked sobs echo torturously in his brain. He sits on the couch and clamps his hands over his ears. He should be consoling her, she’s going to be his wife. 

What can he say? He told her the truth and now she’s sobbing because of who he is. That’s how all this shit started. She yells at him at the beginning of every day because of who he is. Because he’s dreaming about you. About how your eyes light up when he reveals who he is. 

Next month he’ll be stuck in a constant state of being ashamed.

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

You press “play sound”, following the beep until you find where you tossed your purse before passing out last night. You fetch it from the bathtub, picking up all its contents that spilled into the basin. You fiddle with the case of the airtag, flipping it over and brushing your thumb over the exposed metal. You peer at your phone, noting the “shared with Minho❤️‍🩹”.

Can he willingly remove himself? Did he even remember that your tag is in his phone? Would he look for you–

You close the app, inhaling deeply to distract yourself from your thoughts. In your mind you reopen the app and hit the “stop sharing” button. You replay the action over and over. It’s the healthy thing to do, right? And it’s so easy. Instead, you go back downstairs and lie on the now dry towel. The smell of mildew has gotten stronger now. There isn’t even a hint of his body wash anymore. Looking at his pictures was a little too painful, this towel was the only thing that comforted you. Now it was just smelly and empty.

The emptiness left room for the thoughts to come through and terrorize you. Would Jisung come? Unlikely judging by his and his fiancée’s social media. The wedding was full steam ahead. Maybe if the two of you had kept in contact during all this time it’d be different. But you deleted all your socials and changed your number. There’s only one way for him to see you, it was perhaps too much to fly here for someone he just saw as a booty call. 

You shiver, pulling your blanket up over your shoulders and clenching your eyes shut.

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

“I’m staying at my friend’s house.” Jiwoo emerged from the room hours later. Not half asleep and asking him to come to bed, fully awake and with a duffle bag of clothes in hand. He thought maybe they’d be able to cuddle it out. He always loved cuddling Jiwoo. But that’s just like her. She’s not vulnerable, and if she is, she doesn’t show it to him. She’ll come back in a few days with her eyes nearly puffed shut from crying the entire time she was there, pretending like things are normal.

She was never the pitiful one.

The next morning, she’s not back. Jisung decides to head to the grocery store since their last trip ended early after Jiwoo got spooked by Minho. He walked around aimlessly, trying to think of things Jiwoo would get. Every item he picks up, he imagines how Jiwoo would scold him and make him feel stupid for buying it.

He ends up storming back out of the store and storming toward the bus stop. Jisung loses steam once he notices he’s heard footsteps right behind him since he exited the store. Footsteps are a normal thing to hear when you’re walking down a sidewalk. Even if they seem to keep speeding up. That’s what Jisung keeps telling himself. 

He’s afraid to face the truth and even more afraid to turn around. Because of this he’s shoved into an alley, already receiving a strike to the face the minute he recognizes who’s doing it. His glasses fly to the ground which accentuates how unfocused his vision becomes. Jisung staggers backward, shakily trying to use the brick wall behind him to straighten himself back up. Minho delivers another punch straight to Jisung’s jaw, sending him to the floor this time. Jisung writhes in pain, muttering ‘stop’ while moving his sore jaw as little as possible. His feet slip against a rancid liquid seeping from the dumpster and he lands on his bare forearm, scraping it as he raises his other arm in a vain attempt to stop Minho.

Minho digs his fingers into Jisung’s much frailer arms and flips him over with ease. 

“You moved out with her? Gave her a ring? Hm?”

Before Jisung can even begin to understand or ask what or why, Minho continues his onslaught. Minho grips his shirt with one hand and balls the other, sending it into Jisung’s face over and over.

“How long have you two been together?” Minho grits, but his tone still has this faux questioning tone. His brows are furrowed, trying to hide the fury in his eyes with the confusion he’s trying to sell.

A punch to the eye has Jisung’s vision fading to black. Fear for his mortality sets in as he tries to block strikes from this deranged man.

“What?! What do you want?! I’m not with her anymore!” Jisung yells incredulously, his voice cracking through his bleeding lips.

“Your fiancée?” Minho responds breathlessly. Through the fog in his brain and the throbbing pain, confusion sets in. His brain isn’t focused enough to decipher why he’s asking about Jiwoo. 

“Are you sleeping with her?” Asks Jisung dumbly. He doesn’t mean it and it doesn’t come from jealousy. He physically can’t think and it’s spiking his anxiety even further. He wants Minho to get to the point but unfortunately Jisung just pissed him off even more. Minho’s nostrils flare, eyes blown completely wide as he shoves Jisung to the floor. Jisung’s head bounces off the pavement, sending him even further into a haze. 

He’s brought right back with yet another punch. Blood fills his mouth. Minho mutters something about how he’d never do something like that to you. 

“She’s not going to change because you want her to.” Jisung shouts urgently. He seems to have said the magic words since Minho lowers his fist. Jisung is wary, but his body relaxes anyway because it needs it. Any more agitation and Minho will induce a heart attack. 

“She told you about us didn’t she? She told you what she put me through?”

“Yes! And I’m sorry–”

“Apologize to your fiancée, motherfucker.” Minho spits, raising his fist again. 

“What do you want?! I can’t take back what happened!”

Minho lowers his fist to grab Jisung’s shirt with both hands, pulling him forward. 

“I want you to be a horrible person on your own. Don’t drag her into it. S-she fucks random men because she doesn’t know how to properly ask for attention.”

If Jisung’s brain wasn’t practically mush right now he’d roll his eyes. This is how she got away with it for so long, because he treats her like a child. She’s a woman he couldn’t handle. 

Jisung wasn’t aware he was glaring at the man until Minho yanked him closer. His breath was hot against his face and Jisung felt fear flood back into his body.

“But you,” Minho grabs Jisung’s face, one of his fingers digging into a cut on his cheekbone. Jisung whimpers helplessly. “You ruined everything! I could’ve helped her. She was close to tiring herself out and giving in. I would’ve taken her back to therapy… you made her comfortable.” Minho’s grip loosened the more he spoke, tears pooling in his eyes as his words lost their bite. As Minho got less angry Jisung felt more and more pissed, like it was transferring to him.

“That’s all bullshit. She told me the two of you have been dating since high school and you think she’d change now? You’re ruining your own life trying to fix who she is.” Jisung’s heart is beating rapidly like last night. He feels like he could take on the world. He’s already been glared at in disgust by his fiancée and beaten to a pulp by his mistress’s ex. Nothing can stop him from saying what the fuck he has to say, and they can divorce or kill him to stop. Jisung smirks.

“You don’t know shit. None of you know! She would never actually look at anyone else…” Minho loses more and more confidence and Jisung laps it up. He feels his body buzz once he realizes the information he has. Minho has no idea. Jiwoo has no idea. Nobody has even a fucking clue but they’re about to find out.

“Do you know that place she dreamed of moving to with you?” Jisung whispers, barely able to contain the laughter threatening to bubble up. Minho sports that look of sorrow from that day. If he thinks the fact you told Jisung about the secrets that were just for you and Minho was bad, he had another thing coming. The words rush out like a wave, sending a rush of sadistic joy through Jisung in its wake.

“She asked to run away with me too.” 

Jisung drops the bomb and gives Minho a little time to process. Only a little, because laughter bursts straight from Jisung’s chest, spit flying onto Minho’s face. Jisung watches with vindication as Minho struggles to process his words. He grapples with the fact that you’re not here to confirm, but also the fact Minho knows that with you? It’s possible.

Minho’s fist trembles around the soiled fabric of Jisung's shirt. A tear breaks free from Minho’s eye as he sends his fist into Jisung’s face with a pained grunt. Jisung’s smile slowly fades as he feels his face be mashed in. If he dies here, he dies an innocent victim and Jiwoo’s memories of him are never sullied by the full truth. Minho will be punished by his own naivety and you…

“Hey! Stop!” The frantic voice sounds distant. “Someone help!! Call the police!”

Jisung is dropped to the ground. The impact is hard enough that his vision is slowly fading.

“There’s a beach right in the backyard! Ngh-!” You point to your phone, your hand falling to the bed as Jisung sinks in deep. He pushes in deeper, grinning at how hollow your noises sound when he does that. He leans over your shoulder, reaching for the phone to bring it closer to his face.

“This is niiice.” He purrs next to your ear. You roll your eyes at his exaggerated intrigue, unable to see how focused his eyes are. 

“Give it back.”

Jisung bites his lip, swatting away your hand and grabbing your throat to keep you still. 

“Don’t get distracted, now…” He warns with a roll of his hips. He grins at the wanton moan he earns. “But um… how are you planning to pay for this?” His tone wavers, his authority becoming hard to maintain the more he stares at the photo.

“I don’t do shit with my life. No hobbies to pay for, no dinners with family or friends, no girls’ trips.” Jisung flinches, glancing at your pinched features to see if that last part was pointed. Your eyes flutter shut as a pleased, wispy moan floats from your lips.

“Minho takes care of the bills and rent so I started to consider quitting my job. Instead I started saving. The only thing that kept me going was the fact that…” You trail off, Jisung can feel your body stiffening under him. Your peaceful noises get caught in your throat.

“T-that I wanted to do something nice for him–” 

“Shhh…” Jisung clenches his hand tighter around your throat, trailing wet kisses on the shell of your ear. The light catches the tear that rolls down your cheek. Jisung tears his eyes away from it and returns to the listing. He takes note of the brick wall and black wood accents, how he can already hear the crashing waves while looking at the beach, how the house looks in the winter, the fairy lights, Aewol-eup, Jeju-si–

Jisung is hoisted up onto the stretcher. Whatever the people around him are yelling is beyond Jisung’s grasp. He coughs, blood gurgling in his throat. He blinks, his eyelids suddenly heavy. His body feels heavy. He exhales shakily, giving his body the rest it’s begging for.

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

Your eyes blink open, aching from the brightness of the sun. You groan, cursing yourself for not closing the curtains before passing out again. Flashes of last night play in your mind. A guy propositioned you yet again. You couldn’t find it in you. Whether it was because you associate one night stands with hurting Minho or because you only crave sex the way you and Jisung did it now, you don’t know. Possibly both.

You groan again, rolling out of bed and straight onto the floor. Getting drunk without the follow up of sex was not nearly as gratifying. None of this was gratifying, though. Too many loose ends and questions unanswered.  

You start your scavenger hunt for your bag. You don’t even bother using your phone, it’s always in one of three places. Not the bathroom, not the bedroom floor, so it must be the kitchen. You peer behind the island and surely enough, there it is. You pick it up, grasping at the airtag case out of habit. Horror floods your body once you realize the case is hollow. You turn it around as if the tag will magically be there. You turn your house upside down searching for the tiny thing, playing the sound over and over to no avail. 

You sink to the floor, unable to come to terms with your burgeoning emotions. A tear crawls down your cheeks. You usually reserve crying for getting drunk on wine over the weekends, but it’s out of your control. Nothing comes after. No sobbing or anger. Just emptiness. You look back at your phone, seeing that the tag’s location was updated. Someone else is carrying it god knows where as it moves along the map. Further and further away from you.

Your eyes flit down to the one person the item is shared with. You click the tab and then his name. “View Friend” and “Remove” are the options presented. You feel another tear roll. Your finger hovers over “View Friend”. It slowly moves down, your thumb thudding heavily against the “Remove” button.

You remain on the floor, your vision blurry with tears as you go through and delete every remnant of Minho from your phone. You get to an especially old one, a laugh bubbling from your throat at the way Minho is attempting to block the camera with his hand. You smile, a bittersweet feeling slowly peters out as you delete the last image.

“Goodbye Minho.”

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

“Can you hear me Mr. Han?”

Jisung blinks, squinting at the bright lights above his head. He wriggles his fingers and toes, inhaling shallowly and painfully at the realization that he’s alive. A feeling of gratefulness washes over him as he clenches his eyes shut. He sees you behind his eyelids. He smiles, a warm feeling radiating from each memory of you that plays. He’s alive.

“Mr. Han?” Jisung vocalizes in response, wishing he wasn’t hooked up to fifty million machines so he could turn over. But he’s alive. You don’t have to be shocked by the news and have your getaway ruined. He imagines you getting the call and clenches his teeth. If you saw him like this… would you think differently of him? Have any doubts that he could dominate you? Take care of you? Or would you only see Minho that way? Minho… was he arrested?

Jisung’s eyes snap open, the pain suddenly peaking. The pulse reads 153 as the monitor beeps incessantly. 

“Jisung?!” He hears a woman’s voice and smiles through the throbbing pain. Now he can apologize to you, ask you if you still hate him. Tell you you shouldn’t because you left him. Tell you not to look at him.

“Jisung oh my god!” Jiwoo leans over him between the rush of nurses. She covers her mouth with shaky hands as she’s pulled away. Some of Jisung’s tension eases away upon seeing her.

“He’s my fiance!” Her piercing shrieks grow distant as Jisung’s brain gets foggy again.

The next morning the fog is lifted. Jiwoo’s figure to his left nags at him. He strains his neck to look at her, unable to disguise the contempt on his face. Luckily the bandages on both his brows does that for him. He got a couple stitches for the cut on his cheek, a bandage on his nose, and gauze shoved up both nostrils. A dull throbbing ache becomes increasingly apparent in his skull.

“I spoke to the police.” Jiwoo speaks, deepening the throb.

Jisung continues his tried and true method. Met with silence, Jiwoo continues.

“His name is Lee Minho. He’s the same guy who was staring at us in the grocery store. The same guy outside our old house. He hasn’t said much, just that he’ll cooperate with authorities. That throws getting a motive out the window.” Jiwoo’s eyes are trained on nothing until the last part, when she shoots a pointed look Jisung’s way. He rolls his eyes to a different direction. 

Jiwoo sighs shakily.

“I will be pressing charges. Our lawyer says we have a case since we saw him twice before the battery happened.”

“I don’t want to press charges.” Jisung says carefully, loaded with vexation.

“And I wonder why that is.” The urge to cry Jiwoo tried to suppress breaks free, her words unstable as her eyes moisten. Jisung craves the fog.

She waits again for him to explain. Even if he wanted to, he wouldn’t know where to start.

“Answer me Jisung!”

”I don’t know him, okay? Think about it, a strange man keeps appearing and just staring at us. Did he seem like he was running an errand and just happened to stop outside of our house? Was he shopping that day? Clearly he’s not right in the head, he needs help. Not to be incarcerated.” Before each word, Jisung’s mind threatens to stumble. "Even when we spoke the day he assaulted me... something wasn't right." His confidence skates along thin ice but still sails eerily smooth. He hazards a glance her way. She’s shocked, but her concern has considerably diminished. Her confidence slowly drains away until her head droops.

… Was that it? Is she back to thinking he's just a pathetic pervert instead of a sinister one?

“Well,” Jiwoo straightens her blazer, clearing her throat with a look of slight embarrassment on her face. “He’ll still face charges for the crime witnessed. There’s nothing we can do about that.”

The two sit in silence again, but Jisung can tell she isn’t waiting for him to speak. He can see her fidgeting in his peripheral. 

“I-I’m sorry, it’s just… you really scared me that night, Ji.” Her voice wavers and Jisung stirs uncomfortably in his hospital bed. “I was scared that I somehow didn’t know you after all. I know I’m being paranoid. I just want you to know that I love you so much.” Jiwoo reaches for his hand and in a split second of horror, Jisung flinches away. She looks at him, confusion and hurt taint her features so harrowingly. Every second he doesn’t remedy this is painful but he can’t. Especially not when Jiwoo adds to it.

“Haseul and I talked about it, and I was being too harsh. Sex addiction is a real problem, and you can’t control what you do in your sleep.” Despite feeling like their relationship was hanging by a thread mere minutes ago, he watches in awe as Jiwoo’s expression becomes more… chipper. “I want us to start off our future on the right foot. I mean, we have a house now. Ji… we’re getting married.” She sits on the side of the hospital bed, grabbing his hands with glassy, hope-filled eyes.

“This is it.” She whispers. Her voice sounds sweet. She means well, but Jisung’s hands stiffen in hers. This is what he wanted. Things will be better from here, she finally sees how she was smothering him. They’ll go home, cuddle, maybe have sex with a little more understanding and communication. Have a healthy marriage. One where she willingly ignores the fact that he finds pleasure in her displeasure. Where she doesn’t know how deep that dynamic runs.

She looks a little worried when he doesn’t respond. She strokes the side of his head. His hand twitches, wanting to swat her away as if mere contact with him will speed up the destruction of her that he’s sure to cause. 

“The doctor said you might be disoriented for a little while.” She forces a quick smile, to not worry him he assumes. An assumption that triggers nausea. The feeling builds until he’s jerking upright and covering his mouth. Jiwoo briefly panics before grabbing one of the emesis bags the nurse left. She hands it to Jisung just in the nick of time. She rubs his back, unaffected by the foul nature of it all. She collects the bag after confirming that he finished. The thought of getting out of there is unsubstantial. The lethargy overtaking him is anything but. 

Sleep whisks him away and wraps him tight. He thinks he’s waking up but it’s another dream. He makes his bed, goes to work, pours a cup of coffee, takes a jog. He cycles through many mundanities before reminding himself that he’s still asleep. He cycles again and winds up in the snow. The cold burns his hands. He looks down to see them shaking and bright red, as if they’d just been pulled from the snow. His subconscious distantly tries to wake him, too distant to penetrate his unconscious. 

It hurts, his hands are pulsing but he’s standing outside a house he has no clue how to get into the house. Rooted in place, he cranes his neck to try and find an entrance. His head reaches far enough that he can see inside. There’s a fire going, the room glows a comfy orange that his frigid body longs for. He sees a figure on the couch, huddled up as if they’re as cold as he is. He reaches his hand out, accidentally knocking against the window. When you look at him it brings about an incomprehensible feeling of dread. 

You’re sobbing, yet still shooting him a bitter glare. You call out his name. His brain rattles, apologies spilling from his lips while he’s still rooted in place. You call him over and over, each call of his name makes his body jolt. He can hear his subconscious now and he’s sent into a frenzy to escape. Trying to wake feels like he’s being pulled apart in all different directions. 

He wakes with a gasp, the fog over his brain too thick to bring him out of the snow. 

“I’m sorry.” He sobs, realizing he’s being held by Jiwoo, still in the hospital bed. As she hugs him, chanting about how happy she is that he woke up, he’s punching himself for not speaking to her. Letting her know that he wasn’t disoriented when he didn’t speak to her. He should make up for leaving her hanging after she apologized and bared her soul to him. His brain might be foggy now but he has the ability to comfort his girlfriend in this time of concern for him. 

“I know it’s hard, you don’t have to say anything honey.” She whispers tearfully, sniffling as she pulls away from him. 

But he doesn’t comfort her, or come clean about willingly ignoring her.

The doctor explains to him and Jiwoo that he needs more time in the hospital. More time in what feels like purgatory.

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

Jisung isn’t sure what all this activity in his brain means. Is his anxiety active because he doesn’t want to see Minho or because he wants him to come out already. He bounces his leg quietly as he looks around. The only other visitor stands from the chair in tears, leaving him completely alone. While his eyes are trained on the person leaving, Minho sits on the other side of the glass. 

“You look like shit.” He speaks into the phone. Minho’s voice focuses Jisung’s attention back to him. Seeing Minho makes his face ache. 

“You do too.” Jisung says with a sigh of irritation. When Minho narrows his eyes at him he wonders if they’ve already started off on the wrong foot. 

“Coming here to gloat some more?” Minho asks, his eyes actually requesting information despite his retort. Jisung sighs as his eyes dance around the room. He reevaluates why he’s even here, if it was a mistake, and if he should just leave.

“We’re not pressing charges.” He starts, figuring he should at least tell him that. He doesn’t know how long he’ll be in there, or how waiting for the news of whether or not he'll be taken to court felt. He hopes that giving him the news now eases whatever concerns he’s hiding away.

“Is your head still a little fuzzy?” Minho smiles crookedly, looking him up and down. 

“No, I’m completely conscious.”

The quick answer catches Minho off guard, his smug attitude dissipating as he readjusts in his seat.

“Well, thanks.” He glances briefly at Jisung, his expression reading confusion. “And wipe that worried look off your face. I think I deserve a little time in here if I’m honest.”

Jisung doesn’t want to unpack the sound of reflection in Minho’s voice. The fact that it sounds like Minho is referring to more than the aggravated battery. As far as Jisung knows, you were the only wrongdoer in the relationship. The deeply troubled look you sported whenever anything slightly related to her boyfriend was brought up made Jisung assume you were being abused. You quickly shot that down. He can’t even begin to understand how Minho came to the conclusion that he belongs in there.

“I want to tell her the truth.” Jisung blurts out, shame overwhelming him and casting his eyes to the floor. Minho is quiet for a moment.

“I only did it because I was so worked up, but it’s nice to see that I knocked some sense into you.” Jisung looks up to see Minho with no smile on his face. Jisung feels like he’s being looked down upon despite being on this side of the glass.

“So I should do it? What if… what if it just ruins her faster?” Minho continues to hold Jisung in his judgmental gaze, either torturing him or reflecting on his answer.

“Do you care about her?”

“Of course I do.” Jisung says, a little disappointed by such shallow reasoning. “She’s my fiancée.”

“Not her.” Minho hisses, as if it’s obvious. Jisung’s eyes slowly widen as it dawns on him. He thinks of you, spreading noisy color throughout his mind. Thinking of you is always so complicated but when faced with such a simple question, Jisung feels like he can finally make sense of it. He looks at Minho, cowering away soon after realizing what information he just relayed and to whom. 

“Then don’t.” Minho states bluntly, a pinprick of venom piercing Jisung. It’s slow acting, leaving Jisung in a daze as he tries to make sense of his visit.

“And since you hit me with a truth bomb, let me help you out.” Minho cuts his reflection short, causing Jisung to look at him cautiously. "Stop acting like you care about your fiancée. You’re just lying to yourself.”

Minho watches Jisung process the truth, satisfied when no signs of fighting it crop up. Jisung hangs up the phone, slowly standing from his seat and leaving the room. Minho goes to stand himself after sitting in a little silence. 

“Not so fast, Lee. You got another visitor.” The guard says, pushing against his chest. Minho turns around to see someone standing where Jisung just was, their head cut off by the wall above the window. He feels his heart fall before finally moving his feet. He sits down hesitantly, finally meeting your nervous gaze. Your eyes dart around before you grab the phone. 

“I-I wanted to come in long enough after him that you knew I didn’t come with him. I wouldn’t do that.” You rush out, still standing and fisting your t-shirt. Minho smiles lazily, tilting his head toward the chair.

“Stay a while.” He jokes. Your stiffness melts only a little, offering a stilted smile before sitting down. Just like Jisung, your eyes don’t linger on him long, bouncing around the room. 

“So?” He says, hoping he reminds you that you have a time limit. Your eyes finally linger, and the look on your face suggests Jisung wasn’t lying when he said Minho looked like shit. He sighs.

“Listen, don’t worry about me–”

“You’re a good person.”

Your words give him pause. His chest starts to ache and the sensation makes him grit his teeth. What are you doing here?

“I know that you’re probably looking back at… us and what I did to you and obsessing over everything you think you did wrong. Just know you did everything out of love and empathy. That’s who you are.”

It’s Minho now who can’t keep his eyes on you now. He balls his fist, huffing out of frustration. “You can’t fix this.” He warns.

“I-I know. I know we’ll never get back together and I know you’ll probably always hate me. In fact, I hope you hate me. Because you should.” Your voice creaks, your brows furrowing as you squeeze your eyes shut. “I used to look down on you for drinking yourself to sleep on the couch when you could’ve done much worse. You could’ve given me a taste of my own medicine, stooped down to my level. But you never did. And you hung on for so long.” Your voice gives way for the tears and the mucus that coats your throat. 

“None of that makes you weak or stupid.” You take a tissue out of your pocket, drying your face and clearing your throat. “I know how it must’ve felt when you picked me up that night, after the news.”

“Stop.” He warns lowly. The ache deepens and threatens to make him cry himself. He tries not to think about that night. The way you looked after being utterly crushed and considering giving up on the world.

“I had no one left and you were there for me. But that was never your responsibility. I’m my own responsibility.”

Minho’s jaw quivers from clenching it so tight. Your eyes are steadfast, he can see that you mean it. That you’re not just saying this for sympathy or to pull him back in. His head droops over, unable to look anymore.

“If hating me helps you feel less responsible for me, please, replay every shitty action I’ve done until you think of me as the dirt beneath your shoes. But please never beat yourself up. You should’ve never had to deal with that.”

The silence seems to throw you off, judging by the way your eyes falter. You look down before standing from the chair.

“Wait.” Minho says just before you take the phone away from your ear. The way you look at him suggests you think he’ll take your advice and tell you how much he hates you. 

“Thank you. Good luck with everything… I hope you find support.” He looks up at you, the both of you share an assured but hopeful look before you hang up the phone.

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

Unforecast rain spooked Jiwoo earlier according to one of her younger brothers.

“Don’t tell her I told you this, but when Chuu gets all anxious it’s hilarious.” He elbows Jisung, his laughter faltering once he realizes Jisung is staring into space. “Are you nervous too?”

“Huh? No. Tell Jiwoo it only sprinkled for a little while. And we’ll be in the garden conservatory for the ceremony.” Jisung says in the robotic manner that has gotten him this far into this day.

Her brother rolls his eyes. “Okay, but I’m not going to be you guys’ messenger because of a stupid superstition. I’ll literally tell you what her dress looks like right now.”

Once he leaves, Jisung’s ears begin ringing again. People think he’s getting ready, when he really just holed himself up in building's office for some peace and quiet. Would he be able to slip out without anyone knowing? Should he leave after the vows? Or just before they sign the marriage license?

The sigh he lets out does nothing to ease him. He hasn’t had enough time to think on what Minho said. Should he have broken up with her? Or should he disappear quietly? Leave a note?

Jiwoo has been a wreck for the past few days leading up to the wedding. It’s been mostly happy tears, being so wracked with excitement to marry Han Jisung. To have Han Jisung’s children. To be with Han Jisung forever, happily ever after. Will they have kids before or after they stop speaking to each other around the house because she’s so hurt by what Jisung has done, but loves him too much to leave him?

It can’t get to that point. It can’t get to the point that Jisung is visiting her in jail after she murders you in a fit of rage. That she looks gaunt behind the glass with no light in her eyes anymore or no cheerful smile. Her family will hate him, his kids will hate him, he’ll hate himself.

“I’ve gotta get the fuck out of here.” He says shakily. He bursts out the door staggering to exit the building when her other brother stops him. He pats him firmly on the back.

“It’s that time, big man!”

He feels like throwing up again. There is no concussion this time to maybe break him out. Make him actually sick so he can trick someone into taking him to hospital. The color leaves his face as he’s guided to his spot at the end of the aisle. He can hear people whispering about him in their seats. 

“How cute! Look how nervous he is!”

“Watch how his face changes once he sees his wife.”

“I’ll get a picture!”

He stands there, jittery and struggling to breathe as he debates if it’s too late. If he should just give in. Be complicit in her downfall.

The crowd stands and cheers as the doors open at the other end of the building. She pulls her veil out of her face, looking at him with tears welling in her eyes. Cameras flash as she slowly makes her way to him. All at once, Jiwoo’s expression flickers from pure joy to hurt confusion and everyone in the crowd looks at him. The music continues as people begin whispering again. This time there is no aura of excitement.

“Why does he look like that?”

“That’s no way to look at the love of your life.”

“What is wrong with him?”

Jiwoo cautiously walks forward, standing in front of her ghostly white soon-to-be husband. She looks into his blank stare begging silently for an explanation as to why he doesn’t seem happy in the slightest to be seeing her for the first time in her wedding dress. Why he’s continuing to just stare at her when he should obviously sense the atmosphere. 

“Please be seated.” The officiant speaks. Whispers continue and Jisung’s eyes feel dry. “Thank you. Friends, family, and loved ones, we come together today, in the sight of you as witnesses to join Han Jisung and Kim Jiwoo in marriage. We gather around them now in this wonderful place, and we look on with love and hope as these two begin their new life together as one.”

As he stares into her face of horror, he imagines that this will be common in their lives. He feels disgust upon hearing the officiant describe their future. As one he says. His mind forces the image of Jiwoo being meshed into a grotesque amalgam with him to begin the rest of her miserable life.

“Jisung?” Jiwoo’s voice is frail as she jolts him back to the present. 

“Huh?”

The murmurs get louder and unabashed in their condemnation of Jisung’s behavior. 

“Ahem, I said. Han Jisung, do you take Kim Jiwoo to be your lawfully wedded wife? Will you honor and cherish her? Love, trust, and commit to her, through joy and pain, sickness and health, and whatever life may throw at you both, until death do you part?”

Jiwoo looks miserable and sickly on her deathbed, contradicting the stereotype of women always outliving their husbands. No, Jiwoo drank her days away, smoking two packs of cigarettes everyday. She withered her soul away in tandem with her physical self by entertaining her husband’s cruelty with her own. Dedicating more time to that than her kids. She wastes away in front of him, dying in the home she shared with the man who ruined her life. 

As if to make a point, his mind shifts to Minho’s face. He’s looking at him as if to asks:

“Is this what you want?”

“No!”

The gasps that come from the crowd and Jiwoo herself jolt Jisung like a bolt of electricity. 

“What the fuck?” Her brother grabs his shoulder and yanks Jisung from behind. He ignores his mother scolding him for his behavior and language. “What the fuck did you just say?” He shouts, this time shoving him.

“I-I…” Jisung stutters.

“Please! He was just recovering from a head injury. Jisung, tell them!” His own mother stands from her seat, her eyes pleading with him to get it together. His mother and father told him time and time again that Jiwoo was someone he should hold onto. That she’s a great girl who would make a great mother. They’re right. But there’s a reason he hasn’t stopped thinking about you since he last saw you. 

It starts with one step backward, the crowd silent as they wait for his response. He takes another step. And another. Then one forward. Then he’s running.

He hears Jiwoo scream after him in anguish, the crowd erupting in protest. He keeps running and running. He turns to see her brothers and her father tailing behind. His heart pumps with fear. The look on their faces is something he’s familiar with. It’s better this way, better than finding out he’s been in love with someone else the whole time. He tails a taxi, slapping the door for it to stop. It screeches to a halt and he nearly trips getting in. He falls over onto the seats, fearfully reaching for the door to slam it shut.

“Lock the doors!”

The driver looks startled, even more so when three men come banging on the window. He hears them calling him a coward, threatening to give him another concussion. He catches his breath, entering a coughing fit as he tries to calm down. 

“Where are you going?” The driver asks incredulously. Jisung says the first thing that comes to his overwhelmed mind. He clears his throat, feeling hoarse after exerting himself. His head pounds as he leans back on the seat.

By the time the driver gets there, the Eve is open. Jisung fishes his wallet out of his pocket, his only belonging now. He pays the driver and stands in front of the building. He slowly walks in, drenched in sweat in an outfit way too formal for a place like this. He sits in the same spot he did when he first came here. 

He remembers how he felt, and then thinks about what Minho told him. He wonders if he ever actually cared about Jiwoo or if he felt like she’d be good for him. If he was the same guy he was when he first sat here, he’d probably go camp outside of the house and wait for her to come home. Try to explain everything and hope selfishly that she’d forgive him. She’s better off never seeing him again.

Now what, he thinks as he orders a drink. He pats his pockets for his phone, wanting to look up nearby hotels. Or maybe he should look for ones far away. Maybe in Jeju-si…

Where’s his phone?

His heart drops, remembering that he set it on the desk in the office of the venue. How stupid of him to just run out like that. 

“Can I use your phone?”

The bartender laughs at him, jokingly asking if he’s lamenting his lost freedom as a man. 

“Tch,” Jisung smirks, accepting the phone with a shake of his head. He’s not the one who should be lamenting right now. Even if he did go through with it.

Instead of looking up hotels, he finds himself looking up a certain jail.

0:00 ───|────── 0:00

“I guess I didn’t knock sense into you after all.” Minho’s voice crackles through the speaker of the phone.

They could go back and forth all day about how Jisung acted too late and in the most destructive way. Jisung already spent all of last night doing that. He chews on his lip, looking down, trying to quickly find a way to bring this up. You’re the only thing that makes sense right now.

“Have you uh… spoken to her about any of this?” Jisung silently prays, peeking at Minho to try and guess his answer before he says it. He doesn’t expect to see Minho smiling to himself. He feels a distant ache in his chest.

”You didn’t see her on your way out from seeing me?”

Watching Jisung’s expression wither into dismay, Minho decides that he is truly fine. The possibility of you running to Jisung stings a little less knowing you weren’t lying about not visiting with him.

You were in Incheon? You… didn’t reach out to him. Maybe you forgot his number.

Jisung tries to find peace with that answer but anger bubbles up in his abdomen. He hangs up the phone, running out of yet another building. Are you even in Jeju? He laughs bitterly. He thought you said it as a way of putting your walls up, but maybe you did mean it when you said you didn’t care if he died.

After everything? After all of that?

Jisung has to find out for himself.

-> end of act ii

skz masterlist

milestone celebration masterlist

[itgr]

Early ROS season 3 Kodya thoughts (aka here's my excuse to ramble)

I'm only on episode 180. I have thoughts on a lot of things but rn I just wanna talk about Kodya?? Idk ever since we've seen him again in episode 159, he's been a lot more stoic and and standoffish than he used to be? (at least compared to his season 2 counterpart, which yeah he spent most of that outside his body but he wasn't this standoffish to Gyrus before). He's a lot more similar to his season 1 counterpart in some ways which I found interesting. Originally, I thought it would be a temporary thing just from the shock of seeing Gyrus again and recovering from the fact he genuinely thought they'd never meet again, but then he kind of stays that way and he's kind of snarky and defensive which I find interesting. I really like when characters are flawed or are tangibly impacted by things that have happened to them. Anyways here's like multiple reasons I headcanon (some of these are just straight up stated or heavily implied) there's such a big character shift (at least to me):

Um. Yeah he literally thought he'd never see his on and off boyfriend of several years who he literally fought so hard to keep around. That's going to fuck you up regardless of if it ended up not being true

^ Also I feel like losing Gyrus again definitely brought back some old pain and trauma from the time he, yknow, watched Gyrus lose himself over the course of years and eventually had to be the one to kill him ^^ so. YEAH (he has abandonment issues to me)

This is more of a minor point but we should talk about how fucky it would be to spend several years with people from the future and then be plopped back into your time period and expected to just. Keep existing like nothing happened and like you don't know at least hundreds of separate things and concepts that are, quite literally, ahead of your time

Look me in the eyes and tell me he didn't 100% face or see homophobia after returning to his time period. You know that would mess with him a bit (I find his defensiveness near Iro, while partially justified, really interesting? because it's the first time I can think of we get any implication that homophobia explicitly exists in the world of ROS <- which makes sense and it also makes sense to assume that the room of swords itself was probably pretty queer friendly because of the amount of different people there. Anyways Kodya's defensiveness near Iro just reads to me as someone anticipating homophobia because of firsthand experience with it)

Gyrus self deprecating about not as strong as Masiosare, who's essentially like if you took BB! Gyrus's inability to open up and ask for help and his tendencies to do morally fucked up shit for his version of the greater good and then maximised it(/hj), probably made Kodya feel worse. Like he already spent years watching Gyrus lose himself to those ideals and I feel like at this point, the amount of trust issues and general abandonment issues of having a partner who used to hide things from you constantly until it literally destroyed him, combined with that same partner now self deprecating and faintly implying he wants to be like that again, would 100% trigger the shit out of his trauma and probably make him feel like history's going to repeat itself

I don't know if this was intentional but (oversimplification) CPTSD symptoms tend to show up after the person's left whatever stressful environment they used to be in and it starts flaring up because the brain can't process or understand that its in a safe environment and is still in a very defensive protective mode even when it technically shouldn't be. Kodya's likely CPTSD from, yknow, EVERYTHING in the room of swords probably could've started flaring up because of the fact he finally managed to escape, which could also partially explain his mentioned thoughts of feeling cursed and like he'd never be happy before Gyrus showed up (it's a common thing to struggle to feel happy or safe after not having experienced either feeling for a long time)

In conclusion, Kodya Karevic is a well written mentally ill little guy who's literally done zero (0) wrong in his entire life/j. Jokes aside, I wanted an excuse to ramble and get my thoughts out and also just talk about how pleasantly surprising it is to have them actually acknowledge the flaws in Strawbarrow's relationship and show Kodya have tangible problems with trusting Gyrus again. Idk I really like how well and complexly they're written

[dreamescapeswriting]

Kinktober Day 6 ~ Edging ~ HJS [M] [Request]

⤜WORD COUNT: 1.9K

⤜PAIRING: Jisung x Fem!Reader

⤜GENRE: smut, minors dni. Oral - Male recieving, sub!Jisung, anal fingering, edging, whiney!jisung, slight degradation - slut, brat, cock slapping, “noona” is used here and there, 

⤜Copyright: © DreamEscapesWriting - October 2022

⤜MASTERLIST

You teased Jisung completely, sucking on his tip and refusing to go any lower than that while he let out small whimpers and whines with his head thrown back against the pillows. 

"Hmm baby, what's wrong?" You teased already knowing that your mouth wasn't doing much of anything to please him but you didn't really care. You enjoyed getting to tease Jisung when he was like this. 

"W-Want more." He moaned out as he let out a small gasp, doing his best to catch his breath as you pump him in your hand giving him a small squeeze every now and again.

"You know the rule Jisung, you don't get what you want until you ask nicely for it." You smirked, moving your hands away from him completely and letting his cock bounce back against his abs as he whimpered at you. Your eyes locked with his and you could already see the neediness that was behind his gaze and you giggled a little. He'd been teasing you all day long and it was time you got your payback from it all.

"Want your mouth around my cock," He whined as you let out a giggle and moved closer to him,

"What else do you want Sungie?" You teased, slowly moving your hand to cup his balls while you fondled them playfully, a small whine left his throat as he tried to form words in his head. There were things you'd done many times before together but he still got shy when he was asking for them.

"W-Want your fingers...I-Inside," Was all he managed to say before his cheeks flamed red and you were left with a giant smirk on your lips.

"Oh baby, why didn't you just say that? Does my brat want to be fingered?" You hummed faking sympathy as he nodded eagerly at you and you giggled to yourself.

"Words Jisung," You said sternly before you slapped his cock softly causing him to let out a quick yelp,

"Please! Please!" He begged out as you nodded, reaching over to the side table and retrieving the small bottle of lube from the drawer and applying a little to your fingers.

"You've been so fucking needy all day, wouldn't let me do any work would you?" You asked as you slowly ran your fingers over his hole and smirked to yourself.

"You're just so desperate to be filled with something, you'll do anything won't you?"

"I-I'm sorry-" He barely got the words you before you slapped his cock again and he let out a yelp.

"I didn't say you could apologise. I asked you a question," You growled, taking his cock into your other hand and squeezing softly as he squirmed beneath you. Jisung's moans slipped out louder than before and he buckled his hips toward you, 

"D-Desperate for you," He panted out before you rewarded him with a small kiss on the tip of his cock,

"Good brat," You told him before you gently began to bump his whole dick in your hand slowly whilst squeezing ever so gently as he bucked up to meet your hands. But you pushed his hips back down and shook your head at him,

"Don't be bad or you'll only get a worse punishment," You told him as you slowly moved your lubed-up fingers to his hole and pushed your fingers into him.

The high-pitched moan that Jisung let out made your body heat up and he gripped onto the pillows.

"F-Fuck! Fuck!" He cried out as he rolled his head back, his body giving into the pleasure you were giving to him. 

"You okay?" You checked, just to make sure none of this was too much for him and he nodded while letting out small whimpers of your name. 

"Please...P-Please move." You smirked at him using his manners and you slowly began to slide your fingers in and out of him building up to a rough pace as the moans slipped from his lips. Curse words falling into the mixture but you weren't going to say anything.

"Agh! Fuck! Fuck...Yes!" He cried out as you curled your fingers upwards, pressing against his prostate and his entire body jerked.

"Yn! Yn!" He cried out, his eyes opening as he stared down at you, you smirked gaining more confidence as you move your fingers rougher inside of his tight ass. Your hands moved in time together and you ran your thumb over his slit as you felt pre-cum leak out of him. 

"Dirty little slut," You cooed, using his pre-cum to lube your path up and down his cock as he continued to cry out your name when you massage his prostate. The intensity was burning inside of him and he could feel himself getting closer with every pump and thrust, 

"Yn!" He warned you as the warm feeling began to build in the pit of his stomach. He knew he wasn't allowed to cum without your permission and yet he couldn't help but chase his high, his hips bucking into your and as he panted heavily. 

"S-Shit...I-I'm close!" HE muttered softly as he looked down at you, you smirked as you continued to fuck your fingers deeper into his hole and your hand pumped faster around him, giving him no indication that you gave permission to him but he didn't care. The warmth was washing over him and he was left breathing heavily as he muttered your name over and over again, his back arching away from his bed.

You smirked to yourself as you realised he was on the very edge of his climax and just like that you stopped everything and pulled away from him,

The whine he let out was gratification enough for you and you couldn't help but get turned out at the soft gasps and cry he let out when he realised his climax was fading away.

"No...N-No...Noona please!" He cried out as he tried to bring your hand back to his cock but you let your wrist go limp and he cried out at you. He hated this. He hated when you were getting him so close to his bliss only to rip it away from him.

"P-Please Noona. I'm sorry...I-I won't t-tease ever again!" It was an empty promise but you played along with him, moving closer as you pumped him weakly in your hand.

"You promise?"

"I-I promise...Please just...j-just let me cum," He whimpered as you began to pump a little faster, smirking at him as his cheeks turned pink and he let himself feel good all over again,

"You like it don't you babe? " You teased, bending softly to kiss the tip of his cock as he let out a shaky whine, his heart speeding up as you slowly lapped your tongue around the underside of his sensitive dick.

"You like it when noona teases you, don't you?" His eyes locked with yours through the tears and he nodded at you. "Y-Yes I love it," He moaned out before you slowly began to suck on the head of his cock, licking up all of the precum that had leaked out of him.

"Ah...Fuck, Just like that," He whispered as you slowly began to take him all the way to the back of our throat. Rewarding him by holding yourself down on his large cock until you gagged a little, you slowly pulled away and used your saliva to pump him with ease.

"Hmm, baby? Do you want to cum in my mouth? On my tits? Where do you wanna cum baby?" You teased as you pumped him faster in your hand, the pleasure made Jisung's body shudder and he could barely speak a coherent word to you 

"P-Please! Please!" He cried out. The pleasure grew deep inside of him again as he felt himself getting close to his impending release again. The orgasm reached him faster than it had before.

"Shit! S-So warm..." He moaned out as you once again took him into the warmth of your mouth and began to move your head up and down his shaft. Your hand playing with his balls as he let out choked moans.

"Oh...O-Oh fuck," He moaned out as you felt him squirming beneath he was so close...So close. 

"Close! C-Close!" He moaned out, but as soon as his dick twitched inside of your mouth you moved away from him and let out a giggle at him.

Tears were running down his flushed cheeks as you denied him his release all over again

"You didn't tell me where you wanted to cum, only good boys who answer questions get to cum." You told him as his bottom lip began to tremble at the sight of you. 

"Please! Please let me cum! F-Fuck please!" He cried out as he looked down at you, 

"Where Jisung?"

"On your tits...Please let me cum on your tits?!" He rushed out the words and his cheeks were flammed but he didn't care. You giggled and nodded at him, letting him kneel on the bed in front of you as you looked up at him.

The tip of his cock was red from how hard he was and it only turned you on more to know that you had been the one to get him like this.

"Good boy, asking so nicely." You cooed, kissing his thighs before you hissed the tip of his cock. 

"Oooh...F-Fuck," He gasped out as you spat onto his cock and began to pump your hand fast up and down his shaft bringing on the orgasm he had been denied already. 

"W-What-Oh fuck!" He cried out as you took the head of his cock into your mouth and flicked your tongue over his slit while your hand worked on pumping him quickly. 

C-Can I please come?" He looked down at you as you nodded around him, smirking to yourself as you heard him begging to cum. It was a power trip that you'd never get tired of having.

"T-Thank you!" Thank you!" He cried out as you continued to softly suck on the head of his dick while your hands worked the rest of him. His orgasm was heading straight for him once again and his breathing quickened as he looked down at you with widened eyes. Jisung begged you not to stop and you rewarded him by taking him all into your mouth over and over again.

"F-Fuck! Fuck! Shit...-" Curse words in different languages began to fly out of his lips as you took him free from your lips and allowed himself to pump. 

"Cum for me Jisung," You giggled as you looked up at him, holding your chest out and sticking your tongue out wide enough so he could hit you with it. His cock twitched and throbbed in his hand as long bursts of cum shot out of him and landed all over our bare chest and lips. There was a lot, a lot more than there usually was when the two of you did something like this and you giggled. knowing it had something to do with him being edged so much.

"O-Oh." He moaned out as you began to pump his cock in your hand softly, milking him as you took the head into your mouth and sucked him until there was nothing left for him to give to you. 

"You got me all messy baby. What do you say?" You quizzed as he fell down onto the bed, his hair sticking to his sweaty forehead as he swallowed the lump in his throat. 

"Thank you," He whimpered as you kisses his chest softly, 

"Good boy, want to come and shower with me?" Within seconds he was on his feet and rushing in the direction of the bathroom while you let out a small giggle.

Tagline: @chiisaiblog @hanasonmi @sw33tnight @taestannie @army24--7 @acciocriativity @scarletemeterio​ @kimahnjung98​ @halesandy​ @aerastus​ @itmehc​ @heeseunger24​ @laylasbunbunny​ @critssq​ @pearlygraysky​ @btsiguess-kpop​ @joonghands​

[nebulousbrainsoup]

Hello! I couldn't think of anything good to request. But I figured I'd try. 😅 How about head cannon? ATEEZ takes you to their high school reunion and you run into their first love. How would each member handle you finding out about this person from their past?

감사합니다! 🫰🏿

most of the month later...

you sure can! this was so fun to write, ngl. trying to reflect their different personalities in the details... ah, i loved it. thank you so much for your request, noona! i think sannie's is the longest*, so enjoy that~

*(editing ash here: it is)

ateez reacts: class reunion ft. their first love

fulfilled as part of my 150(ish) followers event, currently closed.

PAIRING: ot8 x gn!reader TAGS/WARNINGS: none this time but lmk if i missed smth! GENRE: fluff, lil bit of angst (hj & san) WORD COUNT: ...~3k? really? oops masterlist | join my taglist | buy me a coffee?

kim hongjoong ✵ wc : 407

✵ oh man. Most likely to have a messy break-up

✵ not necessarily pettiness and backstabbing messy, but emotionally charged and hard on everyone messy

✵ because hj is a passionate person—his work, his friends, his beliefs; his love life is no exception (and it was worse in high school)

✵ he does everything in his power to divert you both away from them

✵ honestly, they’ve probably barely spoken since then and neither knew the other was coming

✵ but when you two end up at the snack table at the same time while your boyfriend is in the bathroom, you entirely oblivious and them walking on eggshells, they break the ice

✵ and you’re kind of irked at how surprised you are when they’re so sweet to you

✵ with how quick hj had been all night to steer you away from them, you were expecting venom and violence and god knows what else. but they’re kind and nice to talk to and honestly seem a little wary of you if anything (should they be?)

✵ it’s not until they stop talking mid-sentence and you feel an arm slip around your waist, making you jump a little—hj doesn’t do skinship normally, much less in public—and you turn to see a mess of emotions swirling behind his eyes that everything falls into place

✵ the conversation is quick and stilted on matter what, and he keeps his hand on you somehow the whole time

✵ if they’re petty, he’s having none of it. he’ll cut them off mid-sentence, chastise them for their actions and drag you back out the front doors. it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been there, you’re heading back home for a movie night in. snacks, drinks, and cuddles are all on hj as a form of apology

✵ if they’re kind, he’ll stay and make slightly-awkward small talk for a while, with you acting as a buffer to keep the tense silences from getting too long. when they finally leave you, he’s staring after them with a slightly pained expression, and you have to tap his shoulder to bring him back to you. in this version, you’re the one to suggest movie night

✵ either way, he apologizes for the way he acted when you get home, and you’re… kind of stunned, reassuring him that you understand why he acted the way he did

✵ “i just loved them so much, once. ah, well. it can’t be that bad, really, if it led me to you.”

park seonghwa ✵ wc : 344

✵ easily the most graceful handler of this situation

✵ does not strike me as a messy break-up haver; he’d be more of an amicable parting of ways type

✵ most likely to be friends with his ex before y’all pull up to the function anyway, tbh

✵ let’s pretend that’s not the case tho, just for funsies (and an attempt at chaos)

✵ he’d know who was coming beforehand as much as he could, because if he isn’t going to actually be able to catch up with people, he doesn’t see the point in going

✵ so he knows in advance, and warns you/fills you in on all the dirty details

✵ not that there really are any—it was all pretty straight-forward. neither of them thought a high school romance was worth halting their own ambitions for

✵ hwa is definitely the type to make his rounds and then settle in with old friends to really talk and relax for the rest of it, so you run into them pretty early on

✵ if they’re petty, he indulges it for about thirty seconds with a narrowed gaze, a tense smile and stilted nods while he scopes out the quickest escape route. the moment he finds even a slightly viable option, he’s raising a hand to that person and whisking you away without a second thought, leaving his ex blinking after you both

✵ if they’re kind, you probably see them a few times throughout the night. they talk for the longest out of any of his acquaintances, and they’ll stop by your guys’ table once you settle down for the evening

✵ overall, it’s a net positive experience for both of you. you enjoy seeing hwa catching up with his old friends, and he appreciates you coming with him and talking with his friends so much

✵ he’s just smiling softly the entire drive home, holding your hand and thanking you for coming with him over and over, until you’re giggling at him about it

✵ “really, i mean it, thank you. i wouldn’t have had as much fun with anybody else by my side.”

jeong yunho ✵ wc : 316

✵ yu strikes me as the type to have wanted things to work out with his highschool sweetheart, despite knowing that it probably wouldn’t, so seeing them hurts a little bit

✵ he doesn’t really let it show, but you know him well enough to know note the slight drop in his energy when they inevitably approach the two of you

✵ he introduces you as his partner to them, but doesn’t give you context for their previous relationship

✵ (you don’t need it, he told you who they were before you came, maybe even before the reunion was even an idea if you’ve been dating long enough)

✵ he has an arm around you the whole conversation, and you can feel him pull you just a little closer when their reminiscing hits a spot that’s a little too tender

✵ bonus points if you react and lean into him, you’ll get that little smile that makes his cheeks rounder

✵ you’re honestly a little impressed with how unaffected he looks on the outside

✵ if they’re petty, he will refuse to stoop to their level. he keeps things short, sweet and polite, sweeping you away to catch up with someone else the moment he has the opportunity, keeping you from getting caught in their claws

✵ if they’re kind, he reflects that back, laughing with them and letting them embarrass him with the stories they have together. it’s kind of sweet, and they might keep in contact afterwards

✵ all-in-all, he doesn’t want to spend ridiculously long talking to them, even if they seem to be getting along well 

✵ if you ask him why, he’d flush, admitting he didn’t want you to be jealous or think he’d go back to them when he has you

✵ it confuses you, and you laugh, thanking him for the thought but reassuring him you’d never think that

✵ “good. because you’re the only one i want. you’re stuck with me.”

kang yeosang ✵ wc : 394

✵ poor boy is flustered oh my god

✵ i don’t think the break-up itself matters overmuch for him; he doesn’t dwell on it so it doesn’t affect his actions/feelings the way it does with some of the others

✵ he honestly probably didn’t even think about the fact that they’d be there

✵ it takes him a while to register that they’re even at the function though, once you’re there

✵ either one of his friends has to point it out or he literally runs into them, i truly don’t know which is more likely

✵ he definitely doesn’t go out of his way to track them down or anything, though, so they end up coming to you in some way

✵ no matter how, it results in a short-circuiting sangie and some rapid blinking as he wrangles himself back into his brain

✵ you have to introduce yourself to stall for him while you lace your fingers and pull him back from whatever cloud his soul sailed off to

✵ he’s another that doesn’t really want to spend too much time talking to someone he has a history with, especially out of respect for you (whether you mind or not)

✵ if they’re petty, he’s immediately more flustered and stumbling over his words a little. yeo doesn’t strike me as the type to date someone who’s even remotely petty, so this either means his ex had a hidden side or has gone through a major character change, and he’s just… stunned. he’s flashing you apologetic looks and reaching for your hand (if he isn’t holding it already) while he tries to efficiently but kindly break the conversation off

✵ if they’re kind, it’s honestly more of a passing greeting than anything. they’re both comfortable doing the bare minimum, saying hello and introducing their current partners to each other, asking about jobs and just… moving on the second they can. the awkwardness might be a little unbearable tbh

✵ he’s pretty neutral about the whole experience, and you guys honestly probably don’t stay for long

✵ when you get home it’s snacks, movies, and cuddles on the couch for the rest of the night

✵ he thanks you for going with him while you’re prepping snacks with a hug from behind and a kiss to the cheek

✵ “i know it was boring for you. i appreciate you so much for doing that for me, my love.”

choi san ✵ wc : 457

✵ an absolute wildcard

✵ the one constant is that he still has emotions about it, but i’m not sure he’d let you know that, partially bc he might be in denial that he still has emotions about it

✵ like hwa, checked the guest list and warns you that the ex will be there, but doesn't give you the details

✵ borderline avoidant, but not to the same extent hj is; he’s just keeping a casual eye on them and floating around

✵ if it manages to keep you both farther away from them, all the better

✵ when you inevitably run into them, his mood shifts and he’s just a little more reserved

✵ he’s definitely already been holding your hand or close to it all night, but when they’re finally in front of you, the handhold gets a little tighter or his arm snakes around your shoulder/waist/hips and he tugs you in while he introduces you

✵ bonus points if you squeeze his hand or loop an arm around him in turn; you’ll get that soft little smile out of him

✵ once the conversation actually starts, he’s drawing patterns with his fingers wherever he’s got a hold of you

✵ if they’re petty, you can feel his grip on you tighten immediately and he shoots you a worried glance. he’s immediately looking for a way out, disregarding whatever the ex is saying entirely. if he hasn’t found a viable excuse in thirty seconds, he’s making one up; waving to a friend that isn’t there, downing his drink in one go, claiming he needs to go to the bathroom and doesn’t want you to get lost; he doesn’t care how it makes him look, he’s getting you both out of there now

✵ if they’re kind, he’ll exchange pleasantries, but again, he’s not going to stick around. it’s very similar to yeo; passing greetings and the bare minimum to seem respectful. if they want to talk a little more, he might stick around for a couple extra minutes, but he’s not feeling great about rehashing whatever happened between him and them.

✵ he’s a little on edge for the rest of the night, only relaxing when you’re stepping out into the parking lot

✵ he’s quiet for the ride home, and if you ask him what’s wrong, i’m not entirely sure he can answer you

✵ he’s the biggest cuddlebug when you get home, wrapping his arms around you and only letting you go long enough to change into whatever’s comfy

✵ it’s a little more than usual, but again, he can’t quite put words to what’s wrong, so he just shakes his head and cuddles into you more

✵ “i had fun tonight, but i like it better at home. you’re cozy.” (in his pouty lil voice)

song mingi ✵ wc : 369

✵ most likely to actually still be friends with his ex, methinks

✵ i don’t think he would’ve had a messy break-up in the slightest, so his ex is probably on the nicer side, and he’s probably pretty open to seeing them

✵ he’s one of the ones that will run you through the important bits of their history before y’all go

✵ he probably spends the most time talking to his ex out of anybody, if they’re still friends

✵ if they’re not, though, he’s a little wary of them

✵ avoidant p. 3, the least of them all

✵ he’s not doing anything to actively avoid them, he would simply like to, both out of respect for you and to keep his own anxiety at bay

✵ he’s respectful at least, friendly at best when they first approach y’all, though, stumbling through introducing you a little bit

✵ if they’re petty, he’s caught so off-guard. like yeo, mingi doesn’t strike me as someone who would’ve dated someone petty in the first place, so this is either a newly revealed side or a personality shift, and he doesn’t know how to handle it, exactly. i think he freezes up for a second before flashing you an apologetic look and steering you away without another word

✵ in this case, the second he gets you alone, he’s apologizing profusely, cupping your face in his hands and making sure you’re okay

✵ if they’re kind and didn’t keep in contact, his response is pretty similar to if they did. they kind of pick up where they left off, minus the touching and kissing. you get to see his grin and hear his laugh and learn some very interesting stories to use as blackmail later on

✵ either way, it ends up being a night full of laughter and good memories, both old and new

✵ you’re both pretty wiped out by the time you get home, having likely stayed the whole night, and he’s at bare minimum holding your hand the entire way

✵ another cuddlebug, scoops you into his arms the minute you’re inside, giving you a bone-crushing hug, voice muffled in your neck/shoulder/hair

✵ “i had so much fun tonight. thank you for coming with me, baby, it means so much.”

jung wooyoung ✵ wc : 359

✵ duality. king. 

✵ this man will not hesitate to meet the energy in the room, so good luck to you

✵ strikes me as the only one to potentially have had a messy break-up and still been friends with the ex tho. like through reconnection via mutual friends years later or smth

✵ if this is the case they will spend so long talking

✵ he definitely introduces you first with an arm around your waist tho

✵ definitely knows who’s on the guest list and will warn you, but it’s just a passing “yeah btw my ex will be there”

✵ falls in the neutral “not avoiding, but not seeking out” zone if they aren’t friends 

✵ much more focused on going around to his old friends and catching up

✵ however you end up running into them, the first thing woo does is introduce you with an arm firmly around you and a big grin

✵ this man looks at you with so much adoration i–

✵ if they’re petty, his mood flips like a switch. his grin drops and he’s giving bombastic side eye over the rim of his drink, tugging you closer into his side. he’s getting at least one snarky comment off in return, and if he feels like that’s enough to put them in their place, he’s whisking you away to literally anywhere else, pointedly turning his back to them. If it’s not, you might have to drag him away by the collar before he starts biting

✵ if they’re kind, he’s more than happy to talk to them for a good chunk of the night, being sure to loop you into the conversation and hiding his blush when the ex tells embarrassing stories about him (there are Many)

✵ overall, it’s a good night out with him, and you’re both probably worn out when you get home, having stayed the longest of any of the teezers

✵ cuddlebug woo is a surprise to literally no one, and you will be promptly under the covers and like half of his body the moment you’ve done your nighttime routines

✵ “god, that was so fun. when’s yours? i wanna go with you and meet all your friends, too.”

choi jongho ✵ wc : 309

✵ easily one of the most indifferent to the fact that his ex is going to be there

✵ it’s not like there are feelings on his end bc once he’s set on something he’s all in and currently he’s all in with you, so

✵ he definitely either knows or assumes and for sure lets you know beforehand

✵ also checks in to make sure you’re okay with that and lets you know that if you aren’t, he’s more than happy to stay home and have a night in with you

✵ doesn’t bother filling you in on the nitty-gritty, just gives you their name and maybe shows you a picture so you’re prepared

✵ he’s another neutral one, not avoidant or actively seeking his ex out

✵ the inevitable run-in is meant to just be a hello in passing; you guys were either on your way out or heading to talk to someone else

✵ but he puts an arm around your waist/shoulders/hips and introduces you with a polite smile

✵ he’s not really interested in talking with them in the first place

✵ if they’re petty, he’s another one to cut them off mid-sentence and call them out for what they said, whisking you away immediately. he might not leave the function completely, but if y’all don’t, he will be glaring them down the rest of the night

✵ if they’re kind, he’ll indulge them of a few minutes, especially if you’re enjoying yourself, but he will make absolutely sure to divert your attention elsewhere before you can get any embarrassing stories out of his ex

✵ if you ask him why, he flashes you a side-eye and reminds you who his hyungs are

✵ “i love you, and i’m glad you were having fun, but i don’t need to be teased more. unless you want me to uncover all your high school stories at your reunion?”

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