#who love each other in the worst ways
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suzalulu is the tragic ending of sns until b*ruto showed what dystopia really is
#i had a revelation#damn all my ships are just queer rivals#who love each other in the worst ways#sns#suzululu#naruto#code geass
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i love starmora so much like their gradual shift across gotg vol. 3 absolutely decimated me lol
like. “you know, i’m still not who you want me to be” “oh, i know. but who you are ain’t so bad.” the way she smiles at him??????? followed by (once she’s stepped past him, a moment of hesitation, this inch of themselves they can let be real offerings without having to be completely bare) “i bet we were fun” and his little “like you wouldn’t believe” i am ruined!!!!!!!!
#gotg v3#gotg3#gotg vol 3#gamora#peter quill#starmora#sorry for the endless tags i am just covering my bases so blacklists work#but GOD i am like. destroyed. lmao#genuinely think this is the most fascinating route they could have taken after endgame#instead of trying to return gamora to who she first was#this is a movie about finding yourself and finding your home and like#the thesis about guardians vol 2 was finding your family and finding it in each other#but homes are not families. your home shouldn’t be in someone else#and they’re never going to be the people they once were. quill can’t love himself bc of the way he was in her eyes anymore#now he has to find something else. the way she has. now he has to find HIMSELF#and the legendary star-lord will return. and maybe when he does‚ they’ll still surprise each other in the small soft ways like they did#in this film#every little time they defy each other’s worst or most exasperated expectations in this movie and trade small smiles it made me feral lmao
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one of the things that makes wolf 359's characterization work so well and feel so genuine is how much it's about perspective. maxwell is a manipulative backstabber in hera's story, a "gift of a friend" in jacobi's, and - from their subjective perspectives - both of them are right about her. i love eiffel, and i'm completely on his side, but... if you were kate garcia and your ex you had a toxic relationship with, a man you had to tolerate in your life because you had a child with him, who - after you were awarded full custody - attempted to kidnap your daughter, and got in an accident that left her disabled... if you thought that man was serving 26 years in prison for what he did, and then you thought he was dead, and then he showed up alive - walking free - and wanted to make amends...? would you want to hear him out? eiffel has suffered so much, and he became a better person in a way carceral punishment would never have done, but from kate's perspective, it must seem like he has never had to face consequences for anything. and that's... complicated, but it's real.
#wolf 359#w359#he is both the luckiest and unluckiest man in the world#like. eiffel is who he is to me because of who he is to hera and minkowski and lovelace#and he is that person. he's a person i love. i sincerely believe i would also love eiffel if i knew him irl.#but it's understandable. people can see such different sides of each other and the way wolf 359. understands that and acknowledges#all of those connections... yeah.#i really want eiffel to have a relationship with his daughter some day. he wants that and he'll never stop wanting that#and i care about him so i want that for him#but it's up to her. if she decides not to then. it's entirely her right.#and needless to say but. i think eiffel and kate. probably bring out the worst in each other#and it's such a weird situation to think. how people close to eiffel who don't know that version of him at all#would respond to how she sees him.#... i honestly think hera probably hates her and it's completely unjustified but it's the kind of person she is.#she judges everyone from an extremely close personal perspective and i think she does have kind of a. My People vs Other People mentality#which makes sense given how she's had to protect herself but also. she's just petty and spiteful and defensive sometimes. anyway.
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On one hand, I want a final fantasy 6 remake, because the game is criminally underrated and the amount of fan content (which is all absolutely fantastic btw) is Not Enough for my neurodivergent, hyperfixating brain.
On the other hand, that would inevitably encourage more people to join the fandom, which would be great, except it seems these days the bigger a fandom gets the more toxic it becomes, and I really like what we have going on over here in our little corner. We all just love the game and its characters and nobody fights about who should and shouldn't date who or who you shouldn't like because they're ~problematique~. Nobody's trying to make one ship morally better than another, nobody's calling anyone names or threatening to doxx people who don't agree with their opinions. It's so peaceful and I love that for us. We're just vibing. Moisturized. Unbothered. In our lane. Flourishing.
#as someone who was in an extremely toxic and chaotic fandom and lowkey still traumatized#to the point where I'm afraid to mention which fandom it was/what my ship was#i have to say#i genuinely love it here#i was nervous at first sharing my ships and headcanons but everyone is so chill i was worried for nothing#thank you to everyone I've interacted with who has made this fandom a healing experience for me#i shudder to think about what some of the people i interacted with in a previous fandom would do with ff6#probably would take edgar's flirting at face value and call him problematic for objectifying women#instead of considering the narrative and what we know about him and the way he actually treats women#my man drinks loving and respecting women juice he's not a creep#or that weird moment with relm that admittedly made me double take before i realized what he meant#theyd have a whole campaign against him lmfao#bc those people boil characters alive until they're just a formless pile of tropes and stereotypes#and seem to disregard all positive aspects of a character they don't like which is fine#but then they go and try to force other people to think like they do and ugh#theres a lot of silly moments in the game and aspects of these characters that make them well rounded and realistically flawed at times#and i fear that would get lost in the chaos if the floodgates opened after a remake#maybe im just jaded lmao#im jaded and i have anxiety so im always thinking about The Worst Case Scenario#the collective positive spirit of the dwellers in this fandom might actually foster a positive space if more people were to come in#ff6#my post#i was gonna say maybe this is bc we're mostly adults#but that falls flat when i remember how some of the most toxic and immature people in some fandoms are grown ass adults#who bully each other and younger fans#and some of the most mature and cool people were actually younger#maybe ff6 fans are just built different lmao#also idk how old anyone else actually is there might be teenagers here i just don't think about it a lot
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how many times have you watched this scene or are you normal
#my thasmin is like. this little interaction but all the time#obsessed obsessed obsessed with it#the way she falls over the way yaz holds onto her basically the most tightly we like ever see anyone hold onto 13#the way she wipes the sensation of yazs hands off her afterwards#the way shes so out of her mind#the way it's yaz who gets the worst of it bc shes always closest#shes always closest so she gets the ugliest side of the doctor. for her loyalty she gets this#and 13 Wants to give her so much more and she just...Cant#the way yaz knows this and accepts this#the way she knows everything and 13 knows she knows everything without her ever telling her anything bc#she knows yaz has been here. exactly here. right next to her every time. the closest#how could yaz /not/ know everything#she doesnt need to be told. shes seen everything. she may not know the details she may not know the stories. but she knows#'you dont understand ANYTHING' and she just goes 'alright. it's alright'#how many of these scenes have there been that we havent seen? if you ask me........Many#10 months between revolution and flux where it was just them and the doctor was chasing anything division? yeah Many#they barely touch each other too wheni write them#like they touch each other. duh. but it's like. its so tentative always its so careful and this is soooo physical#it has the same force as 'we were worried about you' but it lasts like. 20 entire seconds#i love when they touch each other like that i love when yaz steps over the boundaries#like when i made her beat up 14. feels good feels organic fhkghjg#or any time shes angrydepressed and she makes a pass at the doctor#its like jsut touch me just touch me just touch me for once#like how much time has she spent alone with 13 with no human around not getting any physical contact whatsoever#anyway
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mmm essay about sally and kid gort in the tags (cw for child abuse, mentions of suicide, animal cruelty and a murder attempt. i always hope i don’t have to say this but just in case: i don’t excuse or condone any of her or gort’s behaviour at all.) this is literally not even touching upon everything i have to say because i hit the fucking tag limit lmao. NOBODY READ IT’S BAD BRAINSTORMING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW
#thinkin too much about gortie side characters again.#sally this time and why she specifically talks about him the way she does#like dravo is obviously still shitty but to me he was. ‘just ‘neglectful#while sally actively hated and even felt terrorised by her own child#like. it’s not like i don’t understand her at all.#imagine you and your love don’t have much besides each other and your shop and you get pregnant and ready to raise a child#only for it to not be a child he didn’t and doesn’t cry ever and he learns everything so much sooner than most but then he never calls you#his parents and it’s not just a petty thing kids do sometimes you feel that he doesn’t see you as family and the worst part is that you#agree deep down#and as he gets older he doesn’t have any friends and actively rejects the notion of the entire concept#but then as time passes you hear about how he has entire groups of children following him and then several of them commit suicide#and that thing coming to sit with you and dravo at the dinner table says that he did what you did last week when the axe to chop wood broke#and you discarded it and got a new one#and he has these habits of ripping out flowers and making sure that they don’t regrow#and then you hear rumours about a friend’s daughter’s cat disappearing and think nothing of it#until you visit his tree house a month later and find a declawed cat and birds with clipped wings and crushed bugs that he keeps fondly#and then you see him with other children and they don’t know and his face is different and body language is entirely different#and were it not for the fact that you know better you would never see anything but a normal child#and you know that you are one who painstakingly brought this thing that should not be into the world and so you decide to end it all one da#and go to him as he’s asleep with the knife shaking in your hand#but he cries when you’re above him! screams at the top of his lungs!#so you beg for forgiveness even though you don’t deserve it through tears but as soon as the knife is put away you see the act drop and fee#his clever fingers having twisted your brain inside and out and you know that you can do nothing#and so the opportunity arises to at least remove him out of your life if not everyone’s lives and you take it immediately.#but you heard him talk. how he will close his fist around the world one day. and you know that it is not a matter of if but when.#like. imagine that. jesus dude.#like i hc her as someone that is messy and does not know a lot about life and she certainly wouldn’t have been a good mother but the love#or at least desire to love is there somewhere. and believing that having a child is really the only somewhat meaningful thing she can do#with her life. she’s not some hero or rich or anything of note. so there’s a lot obligation and not genuine desire for family here.#but she never really got the chance to be an actual mother in the first place so. who knows what that might have looked like
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hchkvgjvfj
#csa warning for tags#goddd being raped at 6ish and brutally bullied is a hell of a combination#i was the one kid in not only my grade but multiple above and below me as well that the boys would dare each other to 'ask out'#absolutely CONSTANTLY. like jesus#by the time i was raped i'd already been bullied pretty badly for a while. including being constantly told i was ugly by all the boys#which is like. a huge reason i was raped in the first place. i still dont know who it was but i can only assume he took advantage of me#being constantly bullied to abuse me. as child rapists so often do#but like i was always the one that would be 'asked out' as a dare bc why would any of them want to talk to me#it was so inconceivable that any of them could want to be near me let alone 'go out' with me. they didn't even bother trying to hide the way#they laughed. like they didn't try to hide it bc they knew no one would do anything#and this happening to me fucking constantly for years on end throughout my ENTIRE childhood. that fucks with you man#like i dont think its even possible for anyone to like being around me at all. let alone find me attractive#there's still never been a single person who's had a crush on me or whatever#like all my friends have stories about annoying boys having crushes on them when they were younger. and what does it say about me that im#the complete opposite. and like it's so stupid because who fucking cares what 10 year old boys thought in 2016 but it really really fucks#you up bad man. like if anyone ever does come to be attracted to me for whatever reason i dont think im ever going to be able to believe it#i'm always going to be waiting for the joke to end and them to start laughing. i'll always be waiting for the other shoe to drop#and the worst part of it all is that i fucking want to be raped again#being raped as a little kid is the only time anyone has ever wanted me. it's the only time i've ever been desired. and i dont even like sex#but it's just the only time anyone has ever loved me in a non parental way#like i have one crush story to all my friends'. and it was a grown man that raped me when i was little#and i want to be raped again so fucking badly not because i would enjoy it but because it would prove that someone actually fucking wants me#i want to be sexually harassed and not in the way i usually am. i want to be catcalled and have to be scared walking around alone#i want men to grope me and say disgusting things and rape me because then i would finally be fucking wanted#it would prove that i'm actually likeable in some capacity. that i still am#im so scared that now that im grown im just a lost cause. because i was only desirable when i was little. now im just nothing#and i know i shouldnt even care but its so fucking hard to shake. i just want someone to love me#and i love my mom so much but i want them to love me because they want to and not because they have to#rambles#vent
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Obsessed with the dynamic (not romantic, not platonic, but a secret third thing--both and yet neither) between two characters who knew and cared about each deeply years ago when they were both younger and life was much less complicated.
But then, tragic, transformative circumstances separated them. Assuming that this separation was certainly permanent, because how could it not be?
And yet, somehow finding each other again years later, and sometimes they aren't sure whether the reunion that they once longed for with every fiber of their beings is a blessing, a curse, a joke, or a punishment.
Because they've both changed in the intervening years--largely because of the hellish circumstances that caused their separation. They've both changed completely and irrevocably, even if one of them has changed much more noticeably and dramatically than the other to the point of seeming a complete stranger. It is about leaning to see and appreciate all the things that have changed about the other and all the things that have not changed. It's about learning to reconcile beloved, often rose-tinted memories with the complex, yet-equally-compelling reality of the person those memories are about.
#it's the very particular sensation of loving someone who is both recognizably your beloved childhood partner-in-mischief#while also being someone so different (physically; mentally; and/or emotionally) that you can scarcely see their past self in them#and knowing the feeling is mutual#and also knowing that the only person who can truly understand the full extent of the change in you is each other#because their transformation is linked to your own#forged in and through the unique experiences that you shared and the way you were separated#it's the idealized adoration of youthful playmates/pseudo-siblings#transforming into a very different but no less powerful connection in adulthood#that's what really gets me#it's just#*chefs kiss*#estabalena#nahyupollo#jaydick#anyway this post is specifically about estabalena and jaydick#and to a lesser extent apollo/nahyuta#but it doesn't really matter if people tag and respond with other ships#even the narumitsus provided they recognize that not every post was made for them#it goes double for jaydick and estabalena tho since they each have two (2) shared formative and transformative experiences#that few (if any) others can possibly understand#for estabalena; it's the 41 years of suffering in the dark times and the crystal well magic flowing through ones veins#for jaydick; it's the experience of being "Robin' and feeling that the role and all it means was ripped from you too soon#and then it's the experience of dying and your family failing to welcome you back with open arms#because you didn't come back 'right' or quick enough#and that you 'chose' to stay away rather than circumstances forcing the issue#apollo/nahyuta also has the jaydick parallels in terms of bruce and dhurke#it's recognizing that your very human shared father figure failed you in many ways#even as he simultaneously saved you in others#he made you both the best version of yourself while also creating or enabling all of your worst tendencies#just
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mike wheeler in the fic I'm reading has exactly as much tact as I did in high school. what can I say sometimes you really do have to learn the hard way that you do not immediately ask your best friend who is also your soon-to-be ex's sibling "nothing's going to change between us no matter how much your sister and i hypothetically hate each other in the future right?" when you're LITERALLY still in the middle of your very messy breakup and they're furious at you secondhand because of #siblingsolidarity. not to mention he handled the break up itself like an ass like go off thank you author i love it truly the representation for us completely oblivious emotionally challenged idiots we're starved of otherwise NO ONE EVER GETS HOW STUPID WE CAN TRULY BE
#girlblogging.pdf#byler#mike wheeler i know what you are#willel#as someone who has a lot of mutual friends with my sister AND as someone friends with a lot of siblings#i obviously love all my friends to death and they love me but#if you have a choice. for future reference trust me do not befriend two siblings pick one if you must#it's an emotional shitshow for everyone involved#you have to give each of them exactly equal amounts of affection and love and everything all the time that's just the rule#you're an ass otherwise#also we will always pick each other over you even if you did nothing wrong#just know what you're in for when you befriend siblings okay it's not easy#you know my childhood ex best friend i keep posting about? we broke up over a fight she had with my sister#also my best friends are siblings and fighting with both of them because it was a both or neither situation in school was The Worst#i have like a zillion more stories just trust me okay#i love my sibling friends to pieces and the mutual friends i have with my sister and i wouldnt trade them for the world#but im sure as hell not befriending siblings simultaneously in the future#my sister and i are literally the tightest now too because our social circles barely overlap#anyway. that was another episode of me projecting way too hard onto byler fanfiction hope you enjoyed#vagueposting the shit out of tumblr dot com
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I am craving for a zcx' modern au, where, after years apart, jc, wwx and lwj encounter again. lwj and wwx are married and after some time, jc starts to hang out with lwj, but only with him (they are kind of exs... Or at least so lwj thinks!)
#Like the point of this au is that shit slowly becomes harder#In every universe wwx has to watch as a kid jc losing his dogs because of him. So that wwx internalizes that he brings nothing but trouble#and pain to jc. So yeah. He's married to lwj but jc wants lwj right? He's taking another thing from jc. And wwx doesn't want to hurt jc.#But he needs lwj too. And he doesn't know how to have both things.#And in every universe jc has to be told by wwx that everything that wwx did was out of duty! So that jc internalizes the concept that wwx#never truly loved him! Because jc is unlovable just like his mom! And his bad temper will force people to act out of duty rather than#genuine affection! and that wwx will lose things for him. out of duty obv#And in the middle we have lwj. Who is pampered in different ways by two men he loves! And then he can only watch as both slowly drift apart#from him. Their worst behaviors shining.#Look. lwj knows jc and wwx worst traits. And he can manage them!#But he has never handled jc and wwx together. While they are together. Because - and lwj never understood this before - jc and wwx bring#out of each other their best and worst qualities. In particular their worst self-destructive qualities#And lwj who isn't good with words and he doesn't know why they are behaving like that - and they don't share with him their problems -#doesn't know what to do#It's a mess. A beautiful fic in my head#Like. Both jc and wwx are carrying yzu and jfm' guilt on their shoulders#jc hates how his mother treated wwx (and it was because of him! Because she was scared for jc's future! And he knows it! )#While wwx hates how jfm ignored jc (and it was because of him! Because jfm found wwx more likeable! And wwx knows it!)#zhanchengxian
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Incoming, motherfuckers.
(x)
#me emerging from a hole in the ground#please read my sixty page literary analysis essay on these poems#(and on these silly blorbos who will literally die in a trench for each other but never verbally admit their platonic love for one another)#because they're dumbasses and so am i#rambling into the void#it'll be a tad late but y'all getting the worst valentine's day gift ever it's 21 karats and covered in the blood from my keyboard#i did in fact put that song on repeat and write THAT fucking fight scene#the rebel path slaps but i needed something way harder#fic: so it goes#writing#fan fiction#chapter 41 let's fucking go
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I can see some of y'all are deep in the colonial romance fantasies re silna 😒😒😒
#terrorposting#the thing about goodsir/silna is that it's good because it didn't happen#she doesn't love him like that. he's the man who (symbolically) killed her father he's her jailer he's the information leech worming#it's way into her vocabulary#he loves her like that of course. how could he not with the tales of native romances he's been spoon-fed. and she knows that he doesn't see#her as a Whole Unique Person. she's the arctic to him. she's the unyielding ice and wind that cuts at your skin and the beast haunting them#they're not made for each other it's not 'anything could've happened' - it's good because it didn't#there was clearly a draw and a connection there - but this show is EXCELLENT at illustrating how fuzzy the borderline between chemistry and#what people are truly capable of at their worst#can be#it's 'for all the love that could have been if we were both different. if the world was different. if we weren't here (but if we weren't#here we never could be)'#it's you are clearly bad for me but I cannot tear myself away#it's you bring me comfort but I wish you weren't here (I wish we both weren't here)#it's we're going through this awful thing together. despite it all despite what either of us wants we're in this together#it's not some fuckign. uwu THIS white man will treat her good. how can you say that after a single second of considering the sexualization#of native women#they're fascinating because of the situation not because it's some 'better' romance#some of y'all suck the nuance right outta things like a juice box I swear to GOD
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i say this with my entire chest. hold hands with your friends!!
#i mean this in the most platonic way possible and no i am not joking or being sarcastic#ive been having. a difficult couple of weeks#and im just. immensely grateful for my best friend because hes just. hes there. through all the bullshit hes There#and i love that we've gotten touchier because god knows we both fucking need it . i dont care if people think we're a couple.#they already think that when we breathe next to each other anyway#i love holding his hand it grounds me#and i dont want to kiss him or date him i just want to be close to him. he means the world to me#ive said it before but i will never understand people who see friends as second to their partner/s#because id do so much for my best friend's happiness. so so much to the best of my ability#hes seen me at my worst hes seen the bad parts of me hes seen me ugly and angry and petty and hes STILL here. he STILL cares about me#ejdjdkdj it makes me so emotional to think about#anyway. hug your friends. hold their hands. life's too short to hold back on affection if you both want it#ryan's screaming
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The longer I'm around the more convinced I become that Jill and Michael also had some kinda codependent-besties archetype thing going on?? they may or may not even have been aware of it, but like. they're kind of a matched set, you know? Frequently purchased together, do not separate them
#this is based more on vibe then evidence but like. boy oh boy is there evidence#you could look at how the Lovers archetype affected Raven and Lloyd when they got split up and then compare that to Michael spiraling#idk. obviously there are a lot of factors at play here but like. sort of chronologically-#they were trapped in the tower together and had to stay sane for each other. making up games together. trying not to crack.#she was his first friend. you know?#they show up to the dinner party together. they bring wine and scotch! (she taught him to drink)#(they used to laugh and drink and party together until suddenly they couldn't anymore)#jill takes the chance to admit to lloyd that she worries about michael. to which!!!! lloyd says!! at least he has you#jill and michael's well being has ALWAYS been interwoven#or like. or like. in act 6 in the final battle jill follows her own melody line bc she's ticked and this is personal#compared with michael who doesn't have a personal stake in this other than the playhouse crew being involved!#michael doesn't have his own melody. he sings to the love and a dream playhouse tune bc that's his motivation for fighting#UNTIL jill is in danger!! when Michael jumps in to save her he finally gets his own musical flavor in the song! then it's banjo boy time#idk. there was a lot of loss and multiple different traumas Michael went through after that. but suddenly he's alone again#at least he's not stuck in a swamp or a tower for years but. he's all the way back to square one. he's alone. he doesn't cope well with that#and while he misses all of them he really misses jill. at the worst of it he doesn't even want to reunite with lloyd and david#but like. he's in a real bad way. he's hit rock bottom and he carries so much guilt over not being able to help jill#to the point where even hearing that there's hope is crushing to him bc it means that there Was something he could've done#and he did nothing#he's devastated all over again not just bc he lost her. but bc he abandoned her. he failed her.#we don't have nearly as much about how jill is doing but we do have her song titled Michael about their early relationship#and the way they rely on each other#go listen to that and tell me the narrative wouldn't just eat that up and link their destinies and mental stability#they spent years in level five. you can't tell me they got away with all this unscathed#i definitely think losing son mi was a big part of why michael spiraled but this essay is about jill and michael specifically#hdhjdfhrjrdgtsg how long can post go (challenge mode)#pebble speaks#shaperaverse
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Harrow and Gideon are peak enforced intimacy even before the arranged cavaliership of convenience. They know each other so well it's sick. They need to be seen by each other to exist. In her fantasies of escaping the Ninth Gideon is like "and then I acquitted myself honourably in battle and everyone clapped and carried me on their shoulders and Harrow knew. Harrow perceived that I was good and worthy and made valuable contributions. That'll show her" and then Gideon got it she's God's most special soldier and the saddest girl in the world because what is it even for if Harrow isn't watching?
#sobbing crying throwing up about how Gideon is the only child who survived Harrow's conception#and she loves her! she knows her#they've built their lives around each other (horribly but man the way harrow can and cannot predict Gideon because she knows her so well#but the knowledge is filtered through harrow's self loathing)#and now Gideon and God are conspiring to say she has to eat Gideon too#she said no! oh harrow.#tbh their relationship drives me insane on every possible level#Gideon: I hate her she's the worst most evilest creature#I will accidentally alleviate the sixth's suspicions about our relationship with my willingness to throw my body at a locked door#until I break or it breaks and I can get to her#TLT
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i love the absolutely miniscule amount of prodding that enver needs to be like "allow me to fully divulge your tragic backstory in an excessive amount of detail that will make all your friends hate you"
#he's here to be exposition and he's doing great at it#i think i'll probably do the quest to kill gortash and take out the steel watch this time#just to do it yk#but i really do have a sort of soft spot for him#he sucks but he sucks in such a specific way that i love#and i just like to think about how monstrous he and cult leader rain used to be#worst people in any given room and competing with each other to see who could be worst of the worst#fel's bg3
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