#who needs a sugar baby

[shaunashoochiebae]

she called me good girl and i started flopping on the floor like a fish out of water

[chaos0pikachu]

Korean cinema really had a whole ass era where a pretty young thing with kylie jenner lips would meet a hot older mildly to fully corrupt man who would end up manhandling the fuck outta that twink and I really think we should return to that era

[stellaluna33]

Modern recipe-people's over-reliance on stand mixers is really starting to annoy me. "Oh no! How could you possibly make bread dough without a stand mixer and a fancy dough hook attachment?!" "How can I be expected to cream butter and sugar without a stand mixer?!" Well, I don't know... MAYBE USE A SPOON LIKE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING FOR HUNDREDS THOUSANDS OF YEARS?!!!

Look, I KNOW it's tiresome to mix stuff by hand, but you have GOT to stop assuming that every person has both the money and the space for fancy kitchen equipment, and you have GOT to stop acting like this equipment is NECESSARY to the process! It's NOT! You should AT LEAST acknowledge the low-tech, low-budget alternative instead of implying that it's "impossible" without a fancy appliance! How hard is it to say, "use your stand mixer OR use a spoon/whisk/hand mixer"????

[wittywallflower]

Steddyhand modern AU where they oops themselves into a throuple.

Ed and Izzy are roommates who run a business together. They are kind of an on-again-off-again, open-ish polyam sorta-couple that has never once had even a second of healthy communication about their relationship in the twenty years they’ve known each other. 

Izzy meets Stede first because he actually attends the meetings for the local business owners association or whatever. Technically Stede should be competition but Izzy quickly decides he is an idiot and will probably go under soon. He’s weird as hell though, Ed would love that. 

Ed does love that. He is delighted by the crazy shit he hears about the new guy and wants to meet him. The two hit it off because of course they do. That wouldn’t even bother Izzy all that much except between their flirting and their dumb dates, Ed and Stede want to talk about cooperative business ventures. And the business, that’s Ed and Izzy’s thing. They’ve worked hard to build it, together, and Izzy works hard still to protect it. he doesnt want to risk it on some crazy scheme these two come up with just because Ed is bored. So yeah he hates Bonnet, but its not romantic jealousy (or is it?)

The tension between Stede and Izzy comes to a head one evening when they are both drunk and still seething over an argument they had earlier in the day. Drinking turns to shouting. Shouting turns to shoving. Only a couple punches are thrown but there;s a lot of undignified scuffling around on the floor. 

Izzy isn’t really sure later when wanting to rip Stede’s head off had turned into yanking that golden hair to pull him closer. Or who hungrily took whose lips first. He remembers a soft handkerchief cleaning his bloody nose on the short trip to the bedroom, remembers checking Stede’s split lip to assess if it could withstand further kissing. He doesnt remember how Edward inserted himself into the situation, but he does recall the man giggling as they tried to arrange the three of them on the bed and he nearly fell off the mattress. 

He remembers everything after that too. Every touch, every kiss, every gasp and moan and sigh. The shock of twenty fingertips softly exploring him was a sensation burned into his brain forever now. He remembered it all. And he didn’t regret a second of it, even if it would be easier to. 

No one says anything about it because thats just how Ed and Izzy are (emotionally incompetent) and Stede like just came out two months ago. He hasn’t dated since university and he’s certainly never had a threesome. He is completely unequipped to handle all this. So he just follows their lead.

So things mostly go on as normal with Stede and Ed spending time together and Izzy’s often around when they do. But Stede is a sweetheart, and a gentleman, and he also cannot stop thinking about how enjoyable that night was. It seems rude to not express that, but one doesn’t just say “thanks for that phenomenal sex”, do they? How does one, err, request a repeat?

Stede spots a gift he thinks Izzy might like and gives it to him. A short while later he notices the bag Izzy carries is nearly falling apart and replaces it with a nice satchel. Black leather, very cool, very much Izzy’s aesthetic, very much designer label and expensive as hell. 

Stede has to cancel a date with Ed one night, but orders an absolutely ludicrous amount of takeout delivered to their place anyway. A lot of it is Izzy’s favorites. 

Then there’s the concert tickets. He and Ed had given up hope of affording even nosebleed seats as soon as the tour had been announced, but Stede gets VIP, backstage passes, the works for all of them. Stede doesnt even like the band!

Izzy can’t take it anymore and has to ask Stede what the fuck. Why the gifts and the gestures and all this stuff? Is it just to butter Izzy up so he’ll agree to whatever dumb business idea the other two have? 

“I didn’t think I needed a reason to do nice things for my boyfriend!”

“...boyfriend?” Izzy asks, just utterly shocked. He’s echoed by Ed, who sounds less surprised and more… considering.

“Um. Yes?” Stede, to his credit, does immediately read the room and start to realize he may have misstepped. 

Izzy can’t even speak. 

“Are you.. is it wrong to call you that? I just thought.. i mean, after that night..” Stede blushes fiercely. “I call Ed my boyfriend, after all, and i care about you just as much as I do him…

Stede trails off with both men staring at him. 

Finally Ed chuckles. Izzy turns to scowl at him. 

“What? Don’t look at me, mate. I thought you two already had a totally different arrangement sorted out. I didn’t say anything about it because I figured you’d be embarrassed about having a sugar daddy.”

[dark-elf-writes]

Sugar daddy Itachi?? Please say more.

Also I love the idea of unintentional sugar baby Naruto. With like Neji Ino and Shikamaru just spoiling him to take care of him and he is oblivious and just like 'this is normal, this is surely just what friends do.' and them getting really competitive, who can give the best gift, which gift does Naruto appreciate the best? Just rich kids at each others throat trying to woo Naruto.

Itachi who is the young CEO of his father’s company and has always had problems finding real relationships without them wanting money/power/to get close to his parents and eventually after their deaths his inheritance and just decides to take control of it the only way he knows how (Through a website Kakashi showed to him with a teasing laugh and too knowing eyes). Itachi who finds Naruto (too thin he could almost hear his mother’s voice say. Hiding it behind bright smiles and draped fabric but still so thin. Hungry.) and decides to try. At least he would be helping someone if nothing else. At least he wouldn’t still be so alone.

He absolutely showers Naruto in gifts from a weekly stipend to outright taking him grocery shopping to spending sprees in designer stores that Naruto wouldn’t have been able to linger outside of for too long lest the called the cops. All through it they grow closer and closer, talking about their loneliness, about what it’s like to have lost, about everything. Until almost unknowingly they’ve blurred the line between transaction and relationship and are so entwined they can barely remember a time they weren’t together.

Sasuke is… less than thrilled.

————

THE IDEA OF THEM ALL COMPETING IS SO AMAZING AND SO ON BRAND FOR ALL OF THEM I AM SCREAMING I AM HOWLING I AM ANSKKCDJNSNZNSSB

Sweet oblivious Naruto who keeps getting showered in gifts and is so grateful to his friends (he kind of wishes they would stop glaring at each other so much but they’re just weird like that sometimes so it’s probably nothing). Ino Shika and Neji who are all throwing insane amounts of money around as they each one up the others in their attempt to win (whether it’s win Naruto’s heart or buying the entire village none of them are entirely sure but all are open to either out come)

[rosicheeks]

All I want for Christmas is you (to send me $20,000)

[glamgoblin]

Between Us the Series:

Team: What are you my dad?

Between Us Special:

[yvesbuprofen]

a bunch of ten year olds almost made me cry ☝️😔

[bitchfitch]

nobody liked climate change boar but everyone is surprisingly ok with real estate mogul dog boy 🤔

[angliclamb]

i wish this guy wasn't so weird cuz i would've accepted his offer of being his sugar baby

[mighty-poop]

Define a woman!

I’m gonna rant this here cus this argument keeps returning on the clock app and one day, I’m gonna be stupid and leave a comment in the wrong thread or smthn so I’m just gonna get it out of my system:

“How do you define a ‘woman’?”

Answer for idiots: you can’t.

You cannot possibly make a definition for the term ‘woman’ without excluding someone from the group when they clearly ARE part of the group (even if you’re a piece of shit transphobe and don’t want to include trans women). A woman is someone who has the potential to give birth? You just excluded every child before puberty, every infertile woman and every woman on menopause, next. A woman is someone who has a uterus? You just excluded a bunch of intersex women and all women who had a hysterectomy, next. A woman has a period? Excluded the millions of women who never get their period for various reasons AND all the women who take continuous birth control AND women who are pregnant AND again, little girls and women on menopause. A woman has to have XY chromosomes? Are you gonna check that for every feminine-looking person you’re gonna meet? How? Do you not think women with down syndrome are women?

Decades of feminism working so hard to make sure women are more than their genitals and potential to give birth, all flushed down the drain because you refuse to believe trans women are more than men in wigs? You’re weak as shit.

So answer for people who actually want to use their brain:

Woman is defined through experiences. Which experiences? Entirely up to whoever defines themselves as a woman.

The ‘female experience’ is so broad. You cannot possibly define it in one sentence and stick it on everyone who calls the word ‘woman’ their own.

You feel feminine and empowered by doing your nails? Congrats, that’s the female experience and makes you, therefore, a woman.

You feel feminine and empowered by wearing plaid and splitting wood in two with a giant axe? Congrats! Female Experience. Woman.

You feel feminine in a dress? Woman. You feel feminine in a tux and suit? Woman.

You feel empowered as a mother and love being pregnant? Woman! You despise the idea of being pregnant but find empowerment in your career? Woman! You feel like your period makes you more in tune with your femininity? Woman. You feel like your period makes you less than human and getting a hysterectomy makes you feel more comfortable in your body? Woman.

you love long hair? Woman. You love short hair? Woman.

You love loving men? Woman. You love loving women? Woman. You love both? Woman. You love everyone? Woman. You don’t feel like love is your thing? Woman!

Sitting at home with a good movie and a bottle of wine? That’s a woman. Getting bloody in a game of soccer? That’s very woman! Taking a walk with your dog? How very woman! Going to the gym? Such woman! Eating out with friends? Friend woman. Shooting a gun in the yard from the patio you built yourself? All woman!

Whatever the fuck makes you feel in sync with your femininity is your female experience, and if you have female experience and you like it, you are a W O M A N ✨

Same goes for men and the male experience btw! Since the question “what defines a man” is never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever EVER asked for SOME 👀 reason. (We all know the reason….) Also same goes for my fellow enbies and the non-binary experience. If painting your nails bring you closer to your enbie side, you’re non-binary.

Gender is such a deeply personal experience, it’s just dumb to define it for someone else, let alone the entire human species. It’s like asking to define a chair, like, you KNOW what it is but you can’t possibly define it without excluding some chairs (“has at least 4 legs”, that’s a horse also swivel chairs exist).

Sidenote: If some idiot tiktokker shoves a microphone and a camera in your face and goes “WHAT IS A WOMAN” or “HOW MANY GENDERS ARE THERE” just go along with whatever dumbass scenarios they come up with. “How many genders are there?” “My dude, as many as you want!” “Oh so like 40??” “Yep!” “Can I identify as a helicopter lol?” “Sure, who cares, do it!” “Should I demand everyone at my job calls me a helicopter” “You can go to your local townhouse, request to change your name to ‘helicopter’ and they’ll most likely let you. You’re an adult, you can do whatever you want as long as it’s not hurting others.” “You don’t think it would be dumb of me to do that?” “Why would I care, I don’t know you?”

[nokingsonlyfooles]

Brigitte Empire needs money, which can be exchanged for goods and services. Turns out, so do a lot of people! Some of them need it to live, and some of them need it to keep their shareholders happy, and some of them need it for blatant self-promotion. Watch the video and try to pick out who's who!

Then, if you feel like it, meet me under the cut for a little more on MARKETING!

All right all you cats and kittens, I got two discount bellinis in me and a silly topic that could still end civilization as we know it if we don't deal with it appropriately. Take my hand, and let me tell you the story of Capitalism figuring out that marginalized people buy things too!

Capitalism exists without the constraints of morality. If people are willing to pay for a thing, you should let them buy it, and jack up the price as much as possible. Regulations that prevent you from selling your child as hamburger meat are not a feature of Capitalism, but a constraint placed upon it by the rest of society. Thus, as soon as there is money to be made, multiple individuals and corporations will try to make as much money as possible. The only political consideration is, "What do I need to SAY I believe to maximize the profits?" It doesn't care about you, it just wants your money. We are all here to be exploited, no matter our various intersections.

Thus, it only fails to market to a specific group if it doesn't seem like that group would buy a specific thing, and/or if the consequences of the marketing would eat into the profits too much. A baby isn't going to buy a Virginia Slim cigarette (babies prefer Marlboros)

...and such a campaign would make mommies and daddies very upset, so they don't run ads with smoking infants in Highlights magazine.

But a funny thing happens when, all of a sudden, someone smacks themself on the forehead and cries, "Oh no! Babies DO buy Virginia Slims!" Or, more plausibly, "Wait! WOMEN BUY CARS!" Nobody has been marketing to that demographic, there is no playbook to follow, and they scramble for a strategy.

Oh, and it is hilarious watching them trying to figure out what a new demographic wants out of their product.

Uhhh... Pinkness and an automatic transmission, you guys? Is that good? Bill, would your wife buy one of these? If you let her, I mean, ha!

Likewise, in Brigitte's early strawberry ad: Uhhh... Glitter! The "tran"s love makeup and glitter! And a relatable, pretty nobody, and donations to worthy causes!

They're still dialing it in. Even poor Dylan up there doesn't seem to have much idea why someone who likes her brand would like a cheap, lite beer. She decided to just be honest and relatable too. "Well, it's nice having my face on a product, and one assumes you drink this while watching a sport...? Ha-ha-ha, this is kinda silly, but I guess they're trying to be nice. Well, anyway, Bud Light exists!"

It's really quite cute. It makes me like HER, but I'm not gonna buy a Bud Light. Likewise, that Gillette commercial was super sweet, but it didn't make me wanna go out and buy a Gillette razor, or anything at all. Conversely, when Goya foods shot their mouth off, I didn't stop buying them. I never started buying them. If they didn't have what I wanted in the store brand, I might have gotten a can or two of Goya, if they were the cheapest. After the beans hit the fan, I quit doing that with no more effort than moving my hand a few inches to one side or the other. No hardship to them and no hardship to me.

Me, and my friends on the left, are not big name-brand fans, or big Capitalism fans. These things are notable as cultural bellwethers - "Ah-ha! Someone did a thing! Now let's see how everyone reacts!" - but not as something we're going to go out of our way to spend money on. We define ourselves by the media we consume much more than the physical products.

The people who market physical products do not know how to handle that. It's kinda freaking them out. That's why we get all those stories about "MILLENNIALS ARE KILLING [THING]!" No, they're just not willing to be ride-or-die with a brand, or even a type. "Hmm, these ciders are all too expensive... How 'bout some box wine?" We don't have the disposable income to be picky, because Capitalism will devour itself for profit as much as anything else.

The throwbacks who are still willing to define themselves via a brand tend to skew right, but they're volatile as hell. Anything that looks like progress or "wokeness" makes them SCREAM. The pundits and politicians like it that way, it keeps them in power - the corporations, not so much. It's getting less and less feasible to be an AMERICAN [or other national identity] brand. There's a culture war in progress - but no matter which side you pick, they will not remain reliable, complacent consumers.

That's why corporate culture is involved in this weird "two steps forward, two steps back" dance. When it's clear who's winning, they'll pick a side. Until then, they're like a bunch a little kids at a party who really want to pick up the pinata candy, except the kid with the blindfold is still staggering around swinging the stick. Meanwhile, the leftists are busy looking for hot dogs in the trash, and the conservatives are screaming, pointing, and throwing more candy on the ground, so they can demonstrate how much they hate the latest evil product.

That last one doesn't make any damn sense, right? Boycotts are rarely effective, and buying more of a thing is not even a boycott. Bud Light will take your money whether you love their beer or hate it. You can throw it at a cop if you want, they just want your money.

Guess what? So do the conservatives. Also, your attention and your validation. That's why they're yelling so loud. All of us need to be heard and seen. All of us perform to show others who we are on the inside. When you film yourself performing and post on social media, though, you can make actual cash. Build enough of a following for your content and Bud Light will show up on your doorstep and offer to put your face on a can!

You're reading this on Tumblr right now, you are at least somewhat aware of how algorithms serve up content, and that the search function will serve you more engagement if you're doing something popular. I already know this post is gonna crash and burn, too, 'cos I don't have a lot of followers and it doesn't involve a fandom. Maybe later the Tumblr goblins will find it and like it, but not for a long while. If I wanted clicks (and I do) I'd give you something on Guardians of the Galaxy, or Spiderverse, or more Kung Fu Panda. If I were branding myself as a conservative gun nut, I'd get a lot of eyeballs on me if I bought a case of Bud and assassinated it right now. I don't want those eyeballs, but some folks sure do.

It's exploitation all the way down and we shouldn't be surprised. People need money to live, and if they have a little extra, they can have fun with it. Bud Light hires themself a trans spokesperson, as an investment, and she needs the money so she does an ad for the beer, and herself. Conservative culture warriors launch themselves at this latest target, every one of them also doing an ad - for themselves and their entertaining and justified outrage. And the platforms that host them rake in engagement from both sides, and more money. All that commerce, all that profit, all that potential, springs from the body of one trans influencer who likes to purchase goods and services - as one does.

In this instance, the beer people freaked out and spent a lot more money taking two steps back. It ain't always gonna be like that - and the next folks who want money from the trans demographic will have some valuable marketing data for the future - but we'll have to wait and see.

Now, I did say this was a silly topic that could end civilization as we know it if we don't handle it right, so picture some scary music right here. There is a market for grinning white faces who shoot guns at "wokeness," and the people with grinning white faces and guns know that, as do the platforms that host them. They make money for the platform and the platform makes money for them. Without intervention, this is a closed circle that only requires a new, popular thing to be mad about, and they can manufacture those at will. Violence and outrage are becoming a commodity, and people are already buying it.

It's popular to be mad at trans folks right now, but "woke" can be anything. They do not actually care what they are mad about, or what anyone who consumes their content does with that anger, they just want your money (clicks, attention, data, etc). Say what you will of the stochastic terrorism of the past, at least it had a political agenda. A privileged politician isn't going to turn on you nearly as fast as a social-media-climber looking for clout. Do you think you're stealth, invisible, acceptable? Do you wanna find out what happens if suddenly you're not?

Regulation and deplatforming are the only way to keep the outrage machine from eating up real human lives. But we are not asking sociologists or internet scholars or anyone who might have a clue to regulate anything. Regulation is something politicians do, and I wouldn't trust any of 'em to set up a wireless printer. As for deplatforming, for now, that's in the hands of the platforms, and they just want your money.

I'm just talking about one potential brand of annihilation, here. Capitalism will sell us everything we need to destroy ourselves, for as high a price as the market will bear. It doesn't care.

If we want it to stop, we have to care enough to apply the brakes. Ai-yi-yi, but I know we've already been trying, and we're not getting much traction.

Better get yourself one o' them pink cars with the automatic transmission, and buckle in.

[lilnasxvevo]

Me: Oh man I wanna get back to reading that fic I was reading over my lunch break

Me: …

Me: Dammit that wasn’t a real fic that was one I was imagining in my head

[pumpkinspicebluntwrap]

Am I crazy or is the concept of “here’s my Amazon wishlist in case you wanna buy me something :)” such a weird thing to post to a bunch of strangers like no….I’m not going to do that actually

[gallifreyan-ginger-sociopath]

Having a stressful time moving and naturally my car picks NOW to throw a tire. So now it's in the shop until fuck knows when and I have to pray to every god I know that the repairs aren't more than a couple hundred or else I'm fucked.

Anyone need a sugar baby because I'm fucking tired of this shit

[800-dick-pics]

If you hate sex workers esp FSSWERS, why are you fucking following me? seriously why?