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whumpwritings · 1 year

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Home Sweet Home?

@whumpsday has this excellent ongoing story, Kane and Jim, which I have read many times (master list here). A while back he posted an AU where Kane's friend Bellamy saves him from the hunters (here) and it made me wonder how it would go if Bellamy tried to save him from Jim instead. Last Friday I decided I should just write it. And, because I have no chill, it is 11,531 words long.

Hilariously, on Sunday @whumpsday actually posted a version of this idea as well (see here). I'm so glad I'd already started writing or I'd have chickened out. His version is set much closer to the beginning of the story. I didn't tie mine to any particular story events, but I was envisioning it being set closer to the events of Basement or Heat Wave (or a bit after that) when Kane and Jim have had time to build a routine.

Because this is an AU fanfic I may have made errors in the lore and unfortunately Bellamy is a bit OOC to make the story work. Please indulge me.

Home Sweet Home?

Summary: Bellamy tries to do a nice thing and everyone has a bad time about it.

Words: 11,531

Content Warnings: recapture, PTSD triggering, begging, vomiting, it as a pronoun (briefly), panic attacks, interrogation, kidnapping

Apparently, tumblr will only let me have one 'read more' link per post, so please be aware this is a VERY long scroll.

******

Bellamy wasn’t supposed to be there. He tried to remember how he got involved in this at all as he stared at the blank and bloodied hunter at his feet.

Things had gotten a little out of hand.

The hunter had been caught near the border, that much he knew. The vampire who’d caught him wanted the finder’s fee more than a personal bloodbag. The farms pay very well after all and keeping a personal human was logistically challenging.

Bellamy had been passing by when the kerfuffle at the gate started. The finding vampire’s persuasion slipping. (He didn’t seem to be very good at it, Bellamy thought). The realization growing over the hunter’s face. His desperate struggles.

It was a sight to see, so he stopped. A spectacle’s a spectacle, even if this was sad. The farms usually kept any…unpleasantness behind closed doors.

Bellamy had recoiled when the intake worker waved him over. He’d been so tempted to refuse to be an extra pair of hands for this. Helping the farms was not something Bellamy was at all interested in. Frankly, he was rooting for the human.

But then the hunter said, “Fuck you, you deserve to be in our fucking cells alongside that other fucking leech!”

What could he say? Bellamy loved a mystery. Almost as much as he loved drama. A captured vampire? One who was kept alive? Who? Why?

Bellamy couldn’t help but imagine Kane for a moment, slain on the border. Probably not by this individual human, but by hunters like him. His heart sank. Had they called him a leech while he lay dying? Perhaps this human, out of all of them, deserved less mercy than he generally held for the species.

Given the obvious hunter attire, the farm intake attendant had insisted on asking the human questions. Perhaps it knew the movements of other humans near the border. Such information could be useful. When Bellamy offered to keep him talking, the worker had accepted, and they’d retired to a small room off the gate. And now he was looking into the persuasion-calmed eyes of the human and wondering how his day had turned out like this.

“It’s resistant to persuasion I swear!” The finding vampire kept complaining as though that was the problem.

The intake worker just rolled his eyes at Bellamy before making the first vampire wait outside. He’d had Bellamy ask the hunter a series of questions about the border. His hunting associates. Their plans and movements. Any new tools. The worker took notes while the human droned. Finally, finally Bellamy got to ask the question that had brought him here.

“The vampire in your…cells, is it still alive?”

Bellamy saw the worker scrunch up his nose in disgust. Who cared about a vampire weak enough to be caught by humans?

“Dunno, we gave it away.”

“What did you do to them before they were sent away?” Bellamy asked since the worker was starting to look impatient. That made him click his pen. Techniques were something worth noting. The life of a weak vampire wasn’t.

The human began the most horrifying list Bellamy had ever heard. His wildest nightmares were never this vicious. His imagination couldn’t have conjured the dreadfulness necessary. The worker’s pen moved rapidly as he took notes with wide eyes.

“And then we strung him out in the sun on this rack. We told him we’d come get him at nightfall, but we lied. The guys thought it would be funny to tell him that so he’d think an end to the pain was coming when it wasn’t. We left him for a week instead. The next time we hung him out for a little tan Chris told him that if he was silent the whole time, we would bring him back in at nightfall. He always screamed when he sizzled though…”

Bellamy swallowed hard.

“Why would you do this?” He asked before he could help himself.

“It was fun. It was what a leech deserved for all the pain they cause.”

Bellamy noted with bitterness how the hunter couldn’t seem to separate this one vampire from the actions of vampire society as a whole.

“Well now,” the worker snapped his notebook shut. “This has been enlightening. I think given this one’s…resistance to persuasion he’ll have to be moved to the Awake section. I wonder how many of these techniques could be adapted to use on humans? I’m particularly interested in this choking device he mentioned. Perhaps with acid to simulate the effects of silver?”

The worker gave Bellamy a sadistic smile that he was meant to share. Just two psychopaths with an inside joke. The torturer becoming the victim and having his methods used against him. How droll! Bellamy managed to choke down his bile long enough to produce an unconvincing smile.

“Just one more question. When you sent the vampire away, where did you send it?”

“Gave the bloodsucker to his victim. Famous guy. Almost no one comes back once the leeches get ‘ya, but Jim Lieberman did. He deserved to end that fucker himself. Well,” the human chortled, still bespelled, “and the leech gave less sport after a few years. Less fun that way.”

Bellamy’s whole body went cold at the name. Caroline. He needed to talk to Caroline.

“Thank you for your assistance today, sir. In recognition of your help, we’d like to give you this gift certificate. It’s good for a month supply of blood packs.”

Bellamy took the envelope out of the worker’s hands numbly. “I must be getting home now,” he heard himself say. “Have a lovely evening.”

Bellamy didn’t remember walking out of the office. He didn’t remember the trip home or coming in the door. The next moment he had he was sitting on his kitchen floor. Caroline kneeling beside him, a look of concern written all over her face.

“Years ago, we went to a party and met Kane de Sang,” he said softly. “His human asked you to call someone for him. Did you end up doing so?”

“Yeah, sure. Oh Bel, what’s going on?”

“What was the name of the person he had you call?”

“Elizabeth Lieberman.” Bellamy supposed it had been a weird enough occurrence for the details to stick in her mind even all these years later.

“And his name was Jim, right?”

“Yeah, her brother. He just wanted me to make contact. Pass along a message. What’s this about, Bel?”

“I think…I think Kane might be alive. Or…if he isn’t, I know who killed him,” Bellamy whispered at his hands. Caroline clapped her hands to her mouth. She didn’t need to ask to know what he was going to do next.

It actually took weeks. Bellamy was nearly out of his mind with stress as he tracked down the house of Jim Lieberman. Procuring a phonebook had been risky and, as it turned out, fairly useless. Unlisted.

Hunters near the border had been more forthcoming. Liberal use of persuasion certainly helped. Frustratingly, they never seemed to know exactly where Jim lived now. Tidbits of information leaked out though.

There was a book about him. About surviving Kane. People admired him for it in human society.

His sister was a hunter and some of them had met her in passing. She lived close to the border for work.

All the hunters who knew about the situation assumed Jim killed Kane once he had been given to the human. They all seemed to think this was justice.

More than one confessed to having met the vampire without persuasion. One was able to confirm that he’d called himself Kane. Bellamy hadn’t needed proof exactly, but it helped lighten his burden to know he was on the right track.

He asked each hunter who had met Kane what they’d personally done to him. He wouldn’t make the mistake of treating every human as though they were responsible for his friend’s pain, but he would find out which ones were.

Those ones died bloody.

Elizabeth Lieberman’s house wasn’t as hard to find as he’d feared. He observed it carefully over several nights, retreating over the border before daybreak each time. No sign of Kane or any other captives. No sign of her brother. He’d tried to follow her car once, but he was no tracker. It wasn’t like he was practiced at any of this.

On the fourth night of hunter house watching, Bellamy saw the pink-haired person leave alone. They were dressed as a hunter, and they usually came and went with Ms. Lieberman. Bellamy assumed this was a colleague. Maybe they would know where their hunting partner’s brother lived? Or have clues Bellamy could follow?

It was the work of a moment to slip into the front seat of the hunter’s car.

“Drive away,” he commanded to the startled human. Driving under persuasion was probably unsafe, but the road had few cars. It was after dusk in a border town after all. He directed the human until they were on a wooded lane, far from any houses. “Pull over.”

“Where does Jim Lieberman live?”

The hunter rattled off an address immediately. Bellamy blinked. He dove for the glovebox and was pleased to find what he needed. With paper and a little pencil in hand, Bellamy asked again.

Bellamy swallowed hard. He had what he needed. Finally. But there were more questions to ask.

“Do you know of the vampire that was given to Jim?”

“Yes.”

“Is he still alive?” Bellamy’s voice broke on the last word. His persuasion wavered for a moment under the onslaught of his emotions, but he held it with difficulty.

“Yes…are vampires technically alive? Like the old movies would call them undead, but my science teacher in school said they’re just a different species…He’s whatever he was before though.”

Bellamy stared at this strange human. What an interesting mind. He had never had one muse while under persuasion before. For a second, it distracted him from the momentous news just imparted.

Kane was alive. Alive. Not slain all those years ago. He still had a chance. But there was more information to glean here before he made his move.

“What have you personally done to Kane?” He asked, steeling himself for the answer. These were always the most monstrous of tales. He would have nightmares once this was over for sure. Hell, he’d already started having them.

“I beat him at Uno,” the hunter said. “I let him win at Monopoly. He had a good grasp of real estate and he seemed like he could use the confidence boost. But there are no friends in Uno.”

Huh. That was…unexpected.

Bellamy felt suddenly cheered by the turn of events.

He had a location. Kane was alive. Kane was alive.

Maybe this hunter could drive him to Kane? No, running would be faster. It didn’t sound like they were culpable for the atrocities his friend had experienced. To be sure though…

“Did you hurt the vampire? Did you hurt Kane?”

“No…no need. Jim had things well in hand.”

Bellamy frowned. That didn’t sound as good. Still. Bellamy hated to kill. Until recently he’d never taken a life. It didn’t sound like this was one he needed to take at least. And if Kane said they were one of his tormentors, well, Bellamy could always find them again.

“Forget what questions I’ve asked you.” He had to put more oomph into this command than most. It wasn’t good for a mind to delete memories, but it shouldn’t do lasting damage to their brain. He couldn’t risk the Liebermans getting tipped off. He couldn’t risk Kane.

Bellamy dropped the persuasion once he was out of reach getting out of the car.

“Holy fuck!” the hunter yelled as they came to, already scrambling for the weapons at their belt.

“Thank you for the ride. You’ve been most helpful,” Bellamy said, leaning through the car door. “I hope you have a pleasant rest of your evening.”

The hunter stared at him incredulously before he vanished into the night. Jim’s house was further from the border. He had to move if he was going to get there and back before daybreak. Bellamy ran faster than he ever had in his life.

Jim stared at the garbage bags Kane had neatly piled by the door during this afternoon’s chores. Kane had seemed nervous about him opening the door while he was still upstairs, even in the next room. The sun was so close. So, Jim had put it off. He meant to take them out earlier, before full dark. But he got busy and forgot. Only they needed to go out. They were in the way, and they kind of smelled. If they were a touch stinky to him, he wondered how bad they smelled to Kane’s superior senses. Probably awful.

The garbage cans were just outside. Around the corner of the house. It wasn’t far. He was home. It was safe here. They weren’t that close to the border. Surely, he could manage taking the garbage a few steps away from his door. He wasn’t some baby, scared of the dark. He could do this.

Only, when he went to heft the bags, they were so much heavier than Kane made them look. Duh. It would take two trips. Jim suppressed a groan.

Bellamy crouched in a tree near Jim Lieberman’s house. No sign of Kane. Although someone was walking around inside. Someone was home.

The way here had been more perilous than he’d expected. Apparently, this area was well-patrolled by hunters. He’d had to skirt around a few groups. Hopefully, Kane was up to travelling, or this might get complicated.

The door to the house opened. Jim Lieberman stepped out onto the lawn, something in his arms. He was older than Bellamy remembered. It was strange watching the way the years gradually left their mark on Caroline, but this was even more jarring. Humans changed so rapidly.

There was nothing for it but to ask, Bellamy supposed.

Jim felt the crawling sensation of being watched as he walked towards the bins, huffing a little.

It’s all in my head, he thought to himself. Just the hypervigilance talking.

Still, as he put the lid back on he chanced a glance at the woods at the edge of the lawn. Nothing. Just limbs creaking in the light breeze. The feeling was so intense though. He walked quickly but stiffly back to his door. Trying not to sprint.

A weight lifted from his shoulders as he closed the door behind him. Nothing bad happened. Nothing bad was going to happen. He was home.

Jim felt silly. He was glad Liz wasn’t here to see him fussing over walking ten paces from his door. Honestly, he should be able to do better than this. This was pathetic. He was pathetic. Jumping at shadows.

He resolutely picked up the second bag of garbage, thankfully much lighter than the first. He could do this. He opened the door with one hand and looked straight into the eyes of a vampire.

Jim had time for a single moment of pure terror before his mind slipped away.

Bellamy only had one question for Jim. “Where is Kane?”

Jim blankly pointed at a door made of silver. It was locked, but it was more of a latch situation than one where you needed a key.

“Open it,” Bellamy said softly.

Kane was already waiting at the bottom of the steps, frowning towards the door. He’d probably heard something was happening.

“Bellamy?” His voice came out high pitched with shock. It was the sweetest sound Bellamy had ever heard.

Then Kane’s eyes rolled up into the back of his head. And. He. Just. Crumpled.

Bellamy was at his side in an instant, cradling his friend to his body. Kane was alive. Alive. Now he just had to get him home.

Bellamy carefully picked him up. He was far too light. He felt thin in Bellamy’s arms. Insubstantial. Not how Kane should be.

He scanned the room for anything of note. It looked almost like a bedroom, if one ignored the silver door and the restraints sitting by the stairs. No torture devices though. Perhaps a positive sign? After the horrors he had heard, however, Bellamy was not willing to make assumptions about how Kane had been treated here. How he had suffered over the years! It was too much to bear thinking about.

Nothing stood out as an object he needed to take with them. Maybe the papers on the desk? Bellamy wished Kane would wake so they could discuss it. Discuss anything. Everything.

Like what Kane wanted done with the human still standing, hypnotized in his own kitchen.

Looking at this cell, Bellamy didn’t think Jim fell into the same mindset as the hunters who had confessed to him so far. But that didn’t mean he hadn’t hurt Kane. At the very least, he was keeping him against his will.

Kane deserved to have his say against his captor. But Kane wasn’t awake just now to have that moment. That closure. The angry, bitter Kane he’d seen at the reunion would want revenge. But time had passed. Things could be more complicated than Bellamy knew.

All Bellamy knew was that he wouldn’t take that choice away from Kane. Whatever was going to happen next had to be because it was what Kane needed. After all Bellamy now knew he’d suffered, Kane deserved that much agency.

Jim’s terrified face appeared in his memory. Begging for help. Begging for consideration from the first kind vampire he’d met. Jim probably didn’t deserve what Kane might do to him. Probably.

Without input from either of them, it was impossible to do anything here. It would have to wait.

The sun would rise, and they would be trapped here for another day unless they moved now. They had just enough time to get back to Vampire Territory if they hurried. But Kane was out for the count and the woods were full of hunters.

Bellamy tapped his foot impatiently. He could wait out the day. Hopefully Kane would wake up, and they could plan together. But his friend was angry and impetuous and might refuse his help. Jim’s hunter sister might come to visit. Or other human visitors. They would be trapped by the sun and unable to escape if set upon before night fell again. Kane was too fragile and too important for such a conflict. No, they needed to leave.

Bellamy eyed the keys by the door. They could take a car. Running would be faster, but not if he were carrying Kane and dodging hunters. Bellamy was useless at driving though. It was impractical when he could just run normally, so he’d never really gotten good at it. Caroline enjoyed driving, so occasionally they would go out in a car. But she would drive. This did not solve his problem.

Jim could drive. He owned the car after all. A car with a human driving wouldn’t stand out as much as two vampires running through the woods for sure. Jim and Kane still needed to have a conversation. So, Jim would come along. Solved.

Bellamy was pretty sure he could convince Kane to return Jim to Human Territory once they’d talked. So long as he really wasn’t as bad as the other hunters…and if he was, well.

“We’re going for a drive.”

Jim woke up in his bed. No…not his bed. Not the one in his room, in his house, in his home. He woke up in his bed back in the human quarters of Kane’s house.

Oh, so it’s going to be that dream, he thought. Still half-asleep, Jim furrowed his brow at a hole in the wall. He didn’t remember that one. Kane always had him plaster over the holes he punched in the walls. This one was un-mended. It was also dusty. As in, there was dust in the hole like it had been punched years ago.

Jim rolled over. His pillow was dusty too. The bedspread under his hands, coated in a layer of grime that came off on him as he moved. Jim sat up slowly. Dread pooling into his stomach. The floor had dust bunnies. Kane would have never allowed it to get like this when he lived here. He would have been ordered to clean it.

The bed creaked in a terribly real way as he tentatively put his feet down on the very real feeling floor. Jim pinched himself as hard as he could. Still here.

Jim leaned over the side of the bed as all the dread in his stomach came pouring out his mouth in waves of vomit.

He was back.

Kane was dreaming of home. Home in the hateful house, in the hateful territory, with no one and nothing.

Except not so much. In this dream, Bellamy was sitting beside his bed, stroking his hair.

“Bel?”

“I’m here, darling. You’re safe.”

Kane let the words wash over him. This was going to be a good dream. He sagged back onto the silk sheets, relaxed for the first time in so long. His eyes slipped shut again.

Jim heaved until his stomach had nothing left, then he heaved some more. Finally, belly aching fiercely, he curled in on himself, pinching his arm over and over. He had to wake up. This couldn’t be happening.

His breath came faster and faster until it wasn’t coming at all. He sat up, gapping like a landed fish, heart pounding. His vision blackened around the edges until darkness took him.

Jim woke up on the floor of his room in Kane’s house. He sat up in panic, but the room was empty. He gingerly rose to his feet, checking himself for injuries as he went. He was as whole as he’d been at home…so far.

His head hurt as he strained to remember. Making dinner at home. Locking Kane in for the night. Routine good nights. Nothing had felt amiss. Taking…taking out the garbage.

The vampire on his stoop. Holy shit. Oh, God. He’d been taken. Right from his house. His knees went out from under him, and he ended up on the floor again with a thump.

That’s going to bruise, Jim thought, feeling a little hysterical. If he really was back under a vampire’s thumb, bruised knees would be the least of his worries very soon.

Nausea roiled him again, but there was nothing left in his stomach to lose. He needed to think. He needed a plan. Panic couldn’t keep him safe here. He needed to find a way to be safe.

The room hadn’t changed much since the last time he was there. His things were as he left them. The few books he’d been allowed stacked by the bed. The record player sat in one corner. The walls had a couple of new holes that he didn’t remember. Probably Kane having a tantrum after he’d escaped. The dust made sense if no one had been here since Kane…

Who had taken him? The vision of the vampire on the stoop swam in his mind’s eye. He had only seen him for a moment before the hypnosis had sunk in, and the horror of it all was making it hard to think clearly just now. His memory felt blurry.

Why take him back to Kane’s rather than to their house? Another shudder of horror ran through him. If this was supposed to be psychological torture, it was working.

Jim pushed himself off the floor. He needed out of this room. He couldn’t feel his body, but he could see himself moving towards the door that led into the kitchen. The light bulb flickered when he hit the switch but didn’t immediately go out. That was good. This room had no windows. If he were plunged into darkness just now, Jim knew he would flip.

This room was the same. Dusty. Unused. Small signs of damage. The kitchen table had been kicked into splitters at some point. Another reminder of the power of Kane’s rage Jim did not need to see right now.

He dug through the debris for something—anything—to use as a stake. The wood was rotten soft though and most of the pieces were small. He found one that might work at the very bottom of the pile. He poked at the end experimentally. It bent a little.

Jim suddenly pictured trying to stab Kane, old Kane, in the heart and having the wood bend rather than impale him. He dropped the stake like it burned him. Too risky.

Jim staggered to the door that led into the vampire’s part of the house. He knew it would be locked. It was never left unlocked. But everything else here was surreal so maybe…

It was more that he had to try. He would never forgive himself if he didn’t at least check and it turned out he had a chance. He reached towards the doorknob—

“Which arm did you use to open the gate?”

Jim flinched and spun wildly to look at the room. Empty. Still empty. But he’d heard…It was Kane’s voice. But Kane from back then. Tears slid down his face.

He wasn’t here. He wasn’t.

But he was…somewhere. Actually, that was a great question, where the fuck was Kane? Still in his basement at home? Wondering where breakfast was? When Jim was coming down?

Liz would find him, Jim comforted himself. When Jim didn’t answer the phone for a bit, she would come around to see what was up. She would find Kane. He wouldn’t be trapped in the basement, slowly starving.

Jim left the door untouched for the moment. He would try again when his arm stopped shaking. Instead, he went to the fridge.

Unsurprisingly, it was empty. Cleaned out at some point. Still running though. The building had power at least. Why he couldn’t say, he was just grateful. He checked the cupboards. A few tins and boxes of dried goods. Very expired. Maybe if he was desperate and no one came…

Jim’s eyes slid to the door again. He needed to know. He rubbed his bad arm as he walked towards it. Kane wouldn’t need to know he tried the door. No one was even here to see him do it.

Jim touched the doorknob. He swallowed hard and twisted. It rattled. It didn’t turn.

A sob choked him. Jim squeezed his eyes tightly but the tears escaped nonetheless. Right. He was locked into the human quarters of Kane’s house. Just like he’d been for five years. Just like he was in every goddamn nightmare.

He resisted the urge to crawl under the bed. It didn’t help. Kane—or his new mystery vampire master—would just drag him back out. No, he needed to be smart about this.

Jim jammed himself into the corner of the room as hard as he could. He drew his knees up under his chin and buried his face. He would be smart about this once he could stop crying.

Kane woke up again. This time was more confusing. The sheets were still silk. Bellamy was still sitting by his bed. His bed. In his house. In Vampire Territory. He felt the first pang of alarm go through him.

“Good...” Kane trailed off, hoarsely. What time was it? Was it a good morning or a good night or…?

“Hello there.” Bellamy smiled gently down at him. He sounded real. “Back with me, darling? I must confess, I have no idea why you’ve been unconscious this long, or truly why you lost consciousness in the first place. I suppose it was a shock seeing me. It’s been a while.”

Kane let those words wash over him, only semi-taking them in. Back with us. A shock. Seeing Bellamy.

“You…you were on the stairs. The basement stairs in Jim’s house. You were in Jim’s house!” The alarm pang was now a clarion call echoing in Kane’s brain. He couldn’t think through it.

“I came as soon as I could. I swear to you, darling. The moment I knew there was a chance you were alive, I was on my way. I am so sorry that I didn’t know about your situation earlier.”

Kane’s eyes filled with tears. His friend had come for him. Even after decades of hostility and silence. Even after all the things he’d said during their fight at the reunion. God, and his situation—

“Bellamy, you were right,” Kane blurted. “You were right about everything. Humans. Vampires. Me. I was a monster. I deserved what I got.”

Even as he said it, Kane could picture Jim shaking his head. Jim’s voice in his head telling him torture was wrong, even for him. No one had more right to hate him than Jim, and even he thought what Kane had been through was too much, taking things too far.

Bellamy shook his head ardently. “No! No, my friend, you didn’t deserve that. No one does.”

“You know?” Kane hated how small his voice came out. How he automatically shrank into the bedclothes.

Bellamy nodded mournfully. “The hunters I questioned gave me some details. Not all that you’ve suffered, I’m sure, but enough to know that the monsters in this situation don’t have fangs.” Bellamy hesitated before adding, “I’m sorry I learned of your experiences without your permission. It was not my intention to pry.”

Kane huffed out a bitter laugh. Privacy was something he hadn’t been afforded with the hunters. Anyone and everyone could watch what they did to him. It was a spectator sport. Not a secret. Still. Having another vampire know felt…strange. Like he wasn’t wearing enough clothes. Kane reflexively pulled the blanket closer to his body. He always felt better covered.

“If we could keep the details between us, I’d prefer that,” he said finally.

Bellamy immediately crossed his heart. “In the interests of full disclosure. I first heard the story from a bespelled hunter. He didn’t name you, but I pieced together enough to guess. A worker from one of the farms also heard the story, but he wasn’t paying much attention to your part of it. He just wanted to know what weapons they’d used.”

A bitter knot formed in Kane’s chest. It was good that it wasn’t a public story in vampire territory—another thing to mock him with— but it was also a reminder that vampires didn’t care about what happened to the weak. And Kane had always been weak. He knew that now more than ever.

Bellamy cared though. He cared enough to put the pieces together. He cared enough to track Kane down and stage a rescue. He cared enough to keep his secrets. Kane’s eyes filled.

“Oh, darling, I’m so sorry,” Bellamy murmured.

Kane couldn’t help it. He reached for his oldest friend, desperate for connection. Bellamy scooped him into his arms like they were seventeen again. Kane bawled into his shirt, wailing with abandon.

Jim lifted his head from his knees at a faint sound from above him. Crying? Maybe? He shuddered. If there was truly someone else in the house, he was running out of time. He needed a plan.

Jim tried to think. Attacking was suicide, and he wasn’t ready for that. Escape was impossible for the moment. The door was locked. He had no idea what time it was. He was days away from the border and very likely to run into another vampire while on the run. He’d been insanely lucky the first time. Maybe he could try again but not right this moment.

Jim swallowed hard. If he couldn’t escape, then maybe he could negotiate. There were a lot of small things that would make being here…more bearable was not the phrase for that. Less of a screaming horror?

Perhaps his new master would be reasonable, Jim thought dully. He was a trained bloodbag after all. He knew how to behave. Jim flinched at the very thought.

Then he flinched again when a new thought followed on its heels: why wasn’t he still hypnotized? Did it just wear off? Would the vampire come back, and Jim’s mind would just be gone again?

His breathing began to speed up again in panic. He pictured the zombified humans at the reunion, shambling mindlessly after their masters. The conversation about long-term effects of persuasion. After a few weeks under, there might not be much of him left to come back.

Jim wiped angrily at his eyes. He couldn’t lose it. Not now.

Kane’s brother had wanted him at the reunion. Wanted him because he was un-hypnotized. Because he was still capable of fear and pain.

The bile rose in his throat again. If that was why his mind was his own just now…he was in for a painful captivity. Then again, if it meant he kept his mind…

Jim weighed both sides. Both options sucked so much. None of this was fair.

It was probably too much to hope for that the vampire would let him use a blood-draw kit to feed them. Jim felt woozy at the thought. Maybe, maybe they would let him use a knife rather than bite him. Watching him slice himself might count as entertainment. He clutched at his neck. He just couldn’t bear being bitten all the time again. Or at all.

Okay, okay. Jim squeezed his eyes shut. Focus. Small things he could ask for. Negotiate for maybe. Kane had always been reasonable about some things. Food, for instance. Maybe the new vampire would be as well. No need to panic yet.

What could he ask for?

Kane’s sobs subsided eventually. He lay, cradled in Bellamy’s arms. Feeling safe, fully safe. When had he last felt like that?

Kane’s eyes drifted shut. That much emotion was exhausting. A shudder ran through him.

“Are we in my house?”

Bellamy cleared his throat awkwardly. “Yes, I—I bought it after you…um, died. It’s not very well taken care of. I’m sorry for that. I couldn’t bear to be here, but I couldn’t bear to leave it with your family either.”

Kane leaned back so he could look at Bellamy’s face. “Died? So, they think I’m dead?”

Bellamy nodded gravely. “You were believed killed in Human Territory. Many are after all,” he added quickly.

Kane appreciated his friend’s attempt to soften this. He assumed everyone would think he was dead. It was a little humiliating that the last chapter in his story was being killed by humans while incompetently trying to kidnap one without persuasion. The Kane from a decade ago would have been mortified. But now…he’d had so many greater humiliations. He just didn’t care. Okay, a small part of him twinged, but it was easy to suppress.

“I’m sorry,” he said instead. “Bellamy, that was the one thing I wanted to tell you these past few years. You were right about everything. I was an ass, and I’m so sorry.”

The tears began to pour down his face anew. Bellamy clutched him closer, rubbing circles into his back. A comfort which made Kane feel like he was about to shatter.

“I’m sorry too,” Bellamy whispered back. “I shouldn’t have pushed you that day. I knew how much a reunion like that must have meant to you. How stressed you must have been. It was the wrong time to rehash old arguments. I lost my head.”

Kane gave a watery laugh. “Can we start over?”

“Why, yes, good sir,” Bellamy put a false joviality into his voice. “So lovely to meet you. I’m Bellamy Verta.”

“I’m Kane—” he broke off, unable to finish. He hadn’t been a de Sang in…well, had he ever really been?

“Wonderful to meet you, Kane.” Bellamy saved him, his eyes kind and knowing. Kane’s lips wobbled. He was a mess.

“I should get up. What time is it?” Kane blinked around for a clock. He was reluctant to leave this intimate, dream-like bubble of Bellamy comforting him. Bellamy being here at all. But it was exhausting, feeling all these things he’d tried not to feel over the years.

“Middle of the afternoon, I’m afraid. We got to the house around daybreak, and I had to hustle us inside.”

Kane felt cold. He’d been that close to being outside during the day? A bubble of hysteria welled through him. He pushed it away as hard as he could. Bellamy didn’t let that happen though. Bellamy kept him safe.

Kane opened his mouth to thank him when his eyes landed on a familiar green jacket. He pointed at it wordlessly.

“Oh that? I took it off you before putting you to bed. It didn’t look comfortable to sleep in.”

Kane’s heart sank.

That’s yours to keep, alright?

Sure, Jim had given him. But it was his father’s. A precious possession.

Kane’s eyes filled again. Jim was so generous. He’d been nothing but kind to him. He deserved the world. Not for a vampire to steal his deceased father’s possessions. He still remembered how upset Liz had been when she’d first seen him in it. She’d capitulated once Jim argued for him to have it, but he remembered the fury in her eyes that he was even using it.

And now he’d run off with it, without even asking. It…it needed to go back. The thought hit him like a train. He needed to return it to Jim at the very least. He needed to thank Jim for all his kindness. Again. As many times as it took. He needed to make things up to him.

The thought occurred to him that he didn’t really want to be back in Vampire Territory. The safety of a land with no hunters appealed, to be sure, but he wanted to be safe with Jim. Somewhere free of the judgement and scorn of his family and peers. He was better off dead to them. Jim’s presence had almost become a safety blanket for him, and it felt weird to simply leave. This had been such an overwhelming moment—waking up in his house with Bellamy—that it had taken his mind a bit to catch up.

Bellamy was looking between him and the jacket with concern.

“Jim,” Kane whispered. He was unable to finish the thought. There were so many things he needed to say about Jim—to Jim— he couldn’t figure out how to begin.

“Oh!” Bellamy’s face lit up. “He’s here! Downstairs. When you’re ready to face him. I’ll come along for support if you like. He can’t hurt you; I promise.”

Kane sat up abruptly. “Jim is here?”

Kane’s hands shook as he unlocked the door to the human quarters. It creaked ominously as he swung it open. Bellamy gave him a supportive thumbs up from just out of view. It kind of helped. Bellamy had never been featured in his nightmares.

But this was a nightmare.

Jim was huddled in a corner, trying to make himself as small as possible. Kane knew that position intimately. He had dust in his curls. Tear-tracks were visible on his dirty face. He stared at Kane with wide, shocked eyes.

Kane had sworn he’d changed. That this would never happen. Yet here they were.

Then, to Kane’s abject horror, Jim began to crawl. Slowly, jerkily, he moved to kneel in the same place where he used to always await Kane’s breakfast bite. Jim tilted his head to the side, assuming the position.

Kane could see his full body shaking even from the doorway. Jim’s heartbeat was racing. Jim was afraid. Afraid of him. He hadn’t changed at all. In spite of everything, he hadn’t made anything right.

Jim was floored. The familiar click of the lock was enough to send him spiralling. But the sight of Kane in the doorway? That was the last thing he expected.

It was almost on autopilot that he moved to where he was expected to be when his master came to see him. It felt like a dream. He was literally living one of his nightmares.

Kane took a half-step towards him and that was all it took for him to snap out of it. In a reflex born of years of trauma response, one hand flew up to clutch his neck protectively. Trying to block the site of his scars. His soon to be torn open scars. A sob tried to burst out of his chest at the thought.

His other arm wrapped around his torso, attempting to protect himself from the blows to come. He was with Kane, with Kane. Oh, God.

He knew he needed to drop his arms. Not fight this. Not put up a resistance. He needed to demonstrate he could be a good bloodbag, and quick, or he would be in for a world of pain. But he couldn’t make his arms move. He clutched at his neck hard enough to bruise. It wouldn’t stop his hands from being ripped away, but he just couldn’t. He couldn’t.

Kane could see Jim’s chest begin to heave as he started hyperventilating. The room spun for a moment. This was always how it went in this nightmare. Jim, in his house, in pain, terrified and hating him. Then the hunters came. Kane would try to protest. Say he was making it right, taking Jim back. They never believed him. He always ended up having to go back to his cell. To the burning.

Kane stumbled backwards. Away from Jim. Away from the vision of what would happen to him next. He couldn’t be here. This couldn’t happen again.

Jim watched with wide eyes as Kane wheeled around and disappeared back the way he came. The door to the vampire side left hanging ajar in his wake. Jim tried to get his gasping breath under control. He couldn’t afford to pass out again so soon.

Another face peered around the doorframe at him. The vision of the vampire from his stoop collided with a memory and suddenly he knew who had taken him. (Them?)

The handsome vampire from the reunion. Kane’s friend. The one he’d been so furious with. The one that had a human who was there by choice. Jim swallowed hard. Maybe he could work with this.

The vampire looked between Jim and wherever Kane had gone to. “Well, this is terribly awkward.”

Jim blinked back tears, unable to respond. The situation as he knew it had just altered completely. He was back in Kane’s house, with Kane. The last memory he had of Kane in this place was him standing in the shade of the house screaming at him. Ordering him to return. Telling him what he’d do to him if he didn’t.

He hadn’t.

Jim’s body was shaking violently, and he couldn’t seem to get it to stop. Mentally, he reordered the list of requests he’d managed to come up with for his captor. Assuming his captor was reasonable. Keeping his ankles moved much higher all of a sudden.

Jim sucked in a breath, then another. Kane was different now. Right? It wouldn’t necessarily go back to how it had been. Things had been chill between them for some time. Maybe even friendly. To himself, sometimes, Jim could admit he and Kane shared a bond. Few other people could understand what they each had gone through. It was a weird bond, born of horrible circumstances, but it was something.

Or at least, Jim had thought so. Would it survive this though? Would Kane take the opportunity to go back to how things were now that he was in control again?

Jim could argue that he hadn’t done anything particularly terrible to Kane while he was captive in his basement. Maybe the new version of Kane would be more amenable to requests?

The only other vampire in the equation was one who seemed to like humans a little. Or at least, was less openly cruel with them. He didn’t really know the guy after all. But that was promising.

“I don’t think I’ve seen Kane that overwrought before,” the vampire said conversationally. “And I’ve seen him plenty worked up over the years.”

Jim’s mouth moved wordlessly. He didn’t know what to say here. His ankles, his life, his sanity was resting on how well he navigated this next conversation. And he had nothing.

“Please,” he said finally, his voice already breaking. He didn’t know what he was pleading for. Mercy? Nothing had happened yet. But God, it could. And he didn’t know how to live with that.

The vampire scrunched up his nose. “Perhaps it’s best if you come to the living room. We can all have a chat there more comfortably.”

Jim pushed himself to his feet with a wobble. His body knew a vampire’s command even while his brain was still playing catch up. He was grateful when the vampire turned to lead the way rather than make him walk past him. A shudder wracked his body at the very thought of being that close to a strange vampire. Again.

Please, please, please. Jim chanted in his mind. I can’t do this again. I can’t go back to before.

Bellamy had no idea what to do with this. Mr. Lieberman looked petrified. He’d expected Kane to take the lead here, to tell them what he needed out of this situation. Kane had melted down instead. So now, he had to direct this somehow. Gods, how he wished Caroline were here. She was good at this sort of thing. Or, better than him at any rate.

Luckily Jim seemed content enough to trail behind him. He seemed like a reasonable person. Rather scared just now, but that was understandable. What Bellamy really wanted to know was what Jim—or the others—had done to make Kane react like this, and how could he make it right.

“My goodness, darling,” Bellamy gasped as he came into the living room. Kane was curled into a ball on the couch, mumbling under his breath. Bellamy could hear him clearly, but they weren’t really words. More like sounds with an aspiration to be words one day. Kane stared forward, unseeing. Lost in whatever vision his mind had conjured.

Bellamy took a seat on the other side of the couch from Kane. Jim sank to the floor on the other side of the coffee table, semi-kneeling. He hugged himself tightly and watched the two vampires with round eyes.

“Well, I must confess, I’m not sure how to proceed here. I’m Bellamy. We met before, but you might not remember.”

“At the reunion, sir,” Jim said softly. “You had a human who was unhypnotized.”

“That’s right. My darling roommate, Caroline, was good enough to accompany me to the event. I’m glad you got a chance to meet. And your name is Jim, yes?” Bellamy figured some small talk might ease the tension. Provide time for Kane to return to earth.

“Yes, sir.” The human’s eyes flicked from him to Kane and back. “May—may I ask h-how we came to be here, sir?”

“Yes, I suppose you would have questions.” Bellamy resisted the urge to correct Jim’s formal language. Kane had been insisting ‘his human’ speak like that at the reunion, so perhaps it was a habit best left for now. “I heard my dear Kane might be alive, so I came to check. I’m sorry I startled you so much. Normally, I would ask permission before using persuasion, but I’d had a bad run with hunters in the area. I was worried to start a conflict with you, one that would perhaps draw attention. You understand, right?”

Jim just watched him with those big eyes. He swallowed and nodded, jerkily. He reminded Bellamy of a puppet on strings.

“Well, after you were under, I went to see Kane. I’d planned to wake you up once I’d discovered how he was. But he, unfortunately, lost consciousness upon seeing me, so I was unable—”

“Wait, Kane passed out?” Jim’s brow furrowed. “Has that happened before?”

He directed the question to Kane, seeming to forget his terror in his concern. Kane did not respond. He simply began to rock back and forth.

“O-kay,” Jim said.

“Yes…so Kane was unconscious, and I had to make a decision. So, I brought you both back here where we could be safe while we sorted it all out.”

Jim stared. Bellamy twitched in his seat. Mentally, he was willing to concede that while he and Kane were safer here, Jim certainly wasn’t. That was a tad unfair. He didn’t say this aloud though. The reproach on Jim’s face was enough.

“Alright, so…I’m back,” Jim’s voice broke. He wrung his hands in his lap. “I know I haven’t done anything to—to earn them yet, sir, but may I make requests?”

That seemed to get Kane’s attention. He stopped mumbling and his eyes flashed to Jim, although he still struggled to focus them. Jim flinched at the attention.

“I’d love to hear them,” Bellamy said. Anything to keep this conversation moving until Kane could handle it.

Jim cleared his throat. He glanced quickly from Bellamy to Kane, before lowering his gaze to the coffee table.

“Uh, okay. Umm. Food. There’s no food in the kitchen and if—if I’m to stay then I’ll need some. It’s a necessity,” he added, a touch defensively.

Bellamy nodded. Logical request. He’d have thought of it once he was done nursing Kane.

“A c-clock,” Jim continued. “Any clock will do. Just something to know what time it is.”

Bellamy glanced at Kane. “There aren’t clocks in your side of the house?”

That seemed odd. Granted, he’d never dreamed of restricting Caroline to one section of the house, so the positioning of clocks had never come up.

Jim shook his head, giving Kane a quick furtive glance. Kane had gone back to rocking.

“Okay, I’m sure one won’t be hard to find.” Bellamy shrugged. He wasn’t really sure how long Jim would be here for, but if it mattered to him, they could find a clock. Maybe it held more significance for humans to be near one? He’d have to ask Caroline. Cultural differences could be so interesting.

Jim swallowed hard. “Ummm, look. Last time—I—I ran. And Kane had said he’d….” Jim choked. Bellamy leaned forward, concerned. It made Jim flinch and shrink from him though, so he leaned back. “He said he would make sure I couldn’t run again. Like by smashing my ankles—”

Bellamy looked at Kane, appalled. “Really, darling.”

“—and I just wanted to say that there are other ways,” Jim finished with a squeak. “Restraints and stuff. See, if my ankles are crushed, I won’t be able to cook or anything for myself. I’d need help for a lot of basic tasks. That’s a lot of extra work for…for you. But if you used restraints, I’d still be able to do those things. It would save so much effort for you. Win-win!” Jim spoke quickly, a tone of desperation creeping into his voice. Bellamy felt his heart break.

Jim couldn’t tell if his sales pitch was working at all. He felt on the edge of hysteria, clutching at the last thread of his sanity with desperate hands. Kane looked like he wasn’t even here. Bellamy was listening at least, but who knew if he was actually receptive. Or if Kane would let him have a say in what happened to Jim next. Was he Kane’s human again? Or this Bellamy guy’s?

Jim thought of the one thing he really wanted above all else. It was risky to ask for it, but maybe…maybe. Bellamy was looking at him strangely now. An expression in his eyes Jim couldn’t read.

This may be his one chance though. He had to take it.

“Sir? There was one more thing.” Jim hated how his voice kept cracking. How he couldn’t hide his terror at this situation. Even if they were still just talking. Bellamy nodded encouragingly though.

“I know Kane doesn’t have a phone…but at the reunion Caroline said you do,” Jim started slowly, but the words came faster and faster. “I want to call my sister. Just once. Please. I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye last time, and this time she won’t even know what happened. Please, please. Just one call. Just—just to tell her.” His voice broke for real this time. Jim couldn’t help it. He started weeping.

That seemed to cut through whatever episode Kane was currently experiencing. He sat up abruptly, a move that startled Jim into falling sideways to the floor.

“No,” Kane said, the word crackling with power and anger.

“No to all of it? Or just the phone call?” Jim squeaked, terrified.

“No,” Kane repeated, seemingly so angry he couldn’t continue right away.

Jim shook so badly he thought his body would fall apart. But this was for Liz. He had to try. He pressed lower to the floor, abasing himself.

“Please, please! Just one call! I c-can’t. I need to tell her. I need to. There’s nothing I could say that could get me rescued. Please, man. Sir! Sir,” Jim corrected himself rapidly. “Master?”

Bellamy looked from one to another, alarmed. “Kane, darling…”

“No,” Kane took his head violently. “You’re going back.”

“Back?” Jim repeated. He looked from Kane to Bellamy to the door to the human quarters behind him.

“Right now,” Kane said with so much rage that Jim scrambled for the door to his side of the house. If Kane wanted him out of his sight, he was gone.

The move seemed to confuse Kane though. His expression shifted from outrage to befuddlement. Jim froze against the doorway to the human quarters, still half on the floor. Unclear on his orders. He hadn’t actually been dismissed. Kane might chase him. Beat him. He curled in on himself. There were too many options. He didn’t know what the right answer was.

“It’s still daytime, darling,” Bellamy murmured. “We have a few hours.”

Jim whimpered from his ball. They could do so much damage to him in a few hours. Please, please, God. Please, Mom and Dad. I just want to go home.

Kane didn’t know what to do. His arms hung uselessly at his sides. At some point he had stood up because he was on his feet now. Jim was crumpled into a ball in the doorframe, making small, distressed noises. Bellamy was looking at him in alarm. Probably seeing him for the monster he was for the first time.

Kane felt sick. He…he had to fix this. But how?

Against his better judgement, he walked slowly towards Jim who watched him with huge eyes from between his fingers. His horror at the situation had come out as anger and now Jim was scared. Kane had scared hm. Like he’d sworn to never do again. He tried to think what Jim would do if their situations were reversed.

“Jim,” he said softly, using his name purposefully. “It’s okay. No one is going to hurt you.”

Jim curled tighter like this was trap.

“It’s okay,” Kane repeated.

“Please,” he whimpered, “Please, I’ll do anything you want. I’ll be good, ma-master. Please.”

Jim tensed, clearly awaiting a blow. A continuation of the rage from a moment ago, only directed at him. But Kane hadn’t been angry at him. He was angry for him. He needed Jim to know that.

“The only thing I want you to do is calm down. You’re going home.” Kane turned to Bellamy. “Is my car still here?”

Bellamy shook his head. “I don’t think so. I bought the building as is, with all its objects included, but I didn’t look for a car.”

Kane sighed. “We’ll have to carry him then. I’m sorry, Jim.”

Jim looked a little dazed. “Wait, what?”

“You’re going home,” Kane repeated, trying to keep his voice soft but firm.

“R-really?” Jim’s eyes somehow got bigger. Then, to Kane’s horror, he began to sob anew. “I can—I can—go home?”

He looked at Kane with so much painful hope that Kane’s heart broke. He nodded.

“Thank you. Thank you!” Jim gasped out.

“We’ll only have to carry him to the border. We drove his car that far. It was only last night. I assume it’s still there,” Bellamy put in.

Kane nodded. Jim looked from one to the other, almost frantically. Like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing but was desperate to hear more.

“We’ll go as soon as the sun sets,” Kane told him, as reassuringly as he could. “I can’t…with the sun. The burning,” his voice wavered.

Jim nodded immediately. Of course, Jim understood. Jim always understood.

“I’m very sorry, Mr. Lieberman. It was not my intention to frighten you unnecessarily,” Bellamy said. “I was unable to facilitate a conversation between you and my dear friend while we were still in your home. I was hoping you both could come to some closure before departing each other, so I had brought you here simply for that conversation. I intend you no harm.”

“Me either,” Kane added, in alarm. “You know that right?”

Jim seemed to be calming down. “Yeah…yeah, man, I know. It was just…waking up here. Back.”

Kane shared Jim’s flinch at the thought. That was a horror beyond anything Kane thought he could survive. Waking up back in his cell. Back at the mercy of his tormentors. Jim was stronger than him. He would have been begging for death already.

Jim swallowed hard. “I—I can really go home tonight?”

Both vampires nodded.

“Oh, thank fuck.” Jim buried his face in his knees, seemingly in relief this time.

Closure, thought Kane. Something about that bothered him.

“As I said, it will be a couple of hours,” Bellamy reminded. “Perhaps, since we are waiting anyway, you two could discuss anything you feel needs airing?”

The two of them stared at each other for a long, awkward moment.

Bellamy cleared his throat. “I’ll excuse myself and wait upstairs. Unless you need me?”

He directed this last part at Kane. He shook his head. He was safe with Jim.

Did…did Jim know he was safe with Kane?

Jim sat back against the wall; legs stretched out in front of him once the other vampire left. He was going home. He was. To be sure though…

“You, you promise you’ll take me back? As soon as it’s dark?”

“I swear it,” Kane said with vehemence.

Jim nodded to himself. Okay. Okay.

“I’m going to—” Kane pointed at the couch. Jim waved an acquiesce. The silence between them stretched awkwardly again.

“It’s weird being back,” Jim said finally, looking around the room. He’d spent so much time here. It was familiar, but off. Old clothes that didn’t fit very well anymore.

“Yes,” Kane said. It had to be weirder for him, Jim mused. This had been his whole life.

“Is…is there anything about Vampire Territory that you missed? That you’re excited for?” Jim tried.

“No,” Kane admitted. “I didn’t have much here. …the lack of hunters, I suppose.”

Jim grinned half-heartedly. “I won’t tell Laken that.”

“Please don’t,” Kane agreed with an almost troubled expression on his face.

“They wouldn’t take it personally,” Jim said, aiming to reassure reflexively. “They’ll miss you during the next board game night though.”

I’ll miss you. The thought popped through Jim’s brain unbidden. It startled him to realize it was true. He’d gotten used to having a roommate after all this time. Granted it was a hostage situation, but still. The house would be weird with just him in it.

“Bellamy seems…” Jim actually didn’t know how to finish that sentence. “…like a good friend. Or someone who could be a good friend. Not that it’s any of my business,” Jim added quickly, remembering their fight the last time.

Kane’s expression softened. “He is. He came for me. I don’t know if he’s any good at board games though.”

Jim suddenly pictured the flamboyant vampire pitted against Laken in Uno. That would be a sight to see. He half-smiled at the mental image, but part of him was sad it would never happen. Jim glanced at Kane, who seemed absorbed in his thoughts. He seemed…like Kane. Like the Kane Jim knew. Not the old one. It was probably safe to say…stuff.

Jim tried to picture this as one of their last conversations, and it gave him an odd sense of panic. Like there were things he needed to say, would be upset he didn’t say later, but nothing came to mind exactly. The anxiety of losing his chance felt paralyzing.

“Hey, umm,” Jim swallowed. “I wanted to say…I didn’t keep you locked in my basement out of like, revenge. I didn’t really plan it. I just didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t want to let you go and have you take another human or something.”

“I wouldn’t do that,” Kane said immediately. “I will never kidnap another person. If nothing else, know that…please.”

Kane stared at his hands in his lap.

“I believe you.”

Jim was a little surprised to find that he did. Kane looked up and met his eyes searchingly. His shoulders slowly lowered as he found whatever he was looking for.

“Jim, I—I know I’ve said it, but I need to say it again. I’m so sorry for what I d-did to you. I know I can’t ever fix it, but I wish I could. More than anything.”

“I know, man.”

Jim fidgeted. He wasn’t in danger so long as Kane was acting like the Kane he knew. And Bellamy didn’t seem all that threatening personality-wise. But Jim would never be able to relax while in this house.

Part of him wanted to ask to go outside. Get some air. Demonstrate he really wasn’t trapped here. But if he saw that gate right now, he might lose it. And he couldn’t be sure his instincts wouldn’t take over and he wouldn’t just book it. That would be a stupid move when he—allegedly—had a secure trip back to Human Territory planned. Jim took a careful breath. So long as Kane kept his word.

Kane looked weirdly miserable for a guy who just got rescued after years of captivity. Jim felt his heart twinge against his better judgement.

“I—I hope the basement wasn’t terrible for you,” Jim blurted out, no idea where he was going with it. “I know it was…prison and all, but I hope it wasn’t like, awful. The idea wasn’t for you to suffer.”

“I’d have deserved it…if you had wanted to make me suffer.” Kane’s voice was steady, sure of what he was saying, but he shivered at whatever memory his statement dredged up. “I made you suffer after all.”

Jim started to say there was a difference. Kane hadn’t tortured him…but he kind of had. Just…there were degrees here. Kane could have been worse than he was. That didn’t make any of it right. Just…

“No one deserves to suffer like you did. That was wrong. Nothing you’ve done could have warranted it.”

Some tension seemed to bleed out of Kane at the words.

“I’m still sorry,” he said. “For everything, but especially that you had to come back here. Look at all this again.”

Jim gave a shaky laugh, looking around the room. “It’s surreal. But as long as it’s temporary…I guess. I’m going home soon.”

He couldn’t help but glance at Kane as he said it, reassured when Kane immediately nodded.

“It’s weird, man. For both of us. It kinda felt like I handled it better than you did. Coming back,” Jim tried to tease him, lighten the mood. Some part of him knew he was testing the waters. The Kane he knew nowadays could take a gentle joke. The old Kane decidedly could not. Which was he speaking to?

Kane slumped. “Yeah.”

Jim drummed his fingers on his knee. He remembered Kane from back then. Angry. Bored. Friendless. Lonely.

Granted it seemed he had at least one friend now, but…this probably wasn’t exactly a joyous homecoming. Somehow Jim doubted Kane’s family would be knocking down his door in excitement. Kane didn’t have a Liz.

“It was…it was the nightmare,” Kane said in a small voice. “This is how it starts. We’re back here and I’m trying to make it right. Only I can’t. I can’t move. Or you can’t. Or we can’t leave the house. T-then the hunters come. And they take me b-back.” His voice got progressively quieter as he spoke until Jim found himself leaning forwards to hear.

“I’m back here in my nightmares too,” Jim admitted, not for the first time. “You’re…how you were before. And you’re furious with me and I’m trying to fix it but nothing is working. And—and…” Jim sucked in a breath. He dug his fingers into the doorframe to ground himself. “But it’s all dream logic bullshit. That’s not real. I mean, this is but…”

Jim waved a hand at the room, unsure of how to finish. Kane was nodding though.

“It wasn’t…it wasn’t like that when we were together at your house though,” he said, voice still small. “It wasn’t—”

He seemed to search for a word. Jim let him. He didn’t what adjective described that either.

“We were better than we’d been,” Kane settled on finally.

“Well, the bar was low, but yeah—” Jim cracked a half-smile. “—yeah, we were.”

They sat there for a moment in a silence more comfortable than before.

“The basement wasn’t terrible,” Kane said suddenly. “You—you said before that you hoped it wasn’t terrible for me. It wasn’t.”

“Oh,” Jim nodded vaguely. “That’s…that’s good. I knew I wasn’t the worst captor you had, but it’s good to hear—”

“You were the best,” Kane interrupted. “You’re the best human I’ve ever met.”

“Well, Laken.” Jim tilted his head jokingly considering. Kane could be intense sometimes, and it was good to head him off at the pass before he spiralled. It might weird out his friend if he started calling Jim a god.

“Laken didn’t save me like you did,” Kane said, still serious but not spiralling. “They weren’t the one spending time with me every day, feeding me every day. They weren’t…”

Kane trailed off. Jim knew this wasn’t about Laken.

“They weren’t your friend, the way I was,” Jim said. The words sounded firm coming out of his mouth. Like they weren’t the most insane thing he might have ever said. Like they weren’t the most insane thing to have ever happened.

Vampires and humans were not friends. Sitting in this house, Jim was about as far from his comfort zone as he’d ever been save his original captivity. Maybe it had broken his brain?

His words certainly seemed to have broken Kane’s. He was staring at Jim with an expression he couldn’t read. Jim felt a twinge of panic. Was that too far? Sitting in this living room, pushing Kane, had literally never ended well for him. Oh, fuck. Oh, God.

“I think liv—being in your basement—” Kane said, choosing his words with evident care. “—was one of the happiest times in my life.”

Suddenly neither of them could really look at each other. This was weirdly embarrassing.

“You could come back,” Jim said. The words out of his mouth before he’d even thought them through. “If—if you don’t want to leave, you don’t have to. Don’t get me wrong,” Jim added, hurriedly. “I know there’s no power I’ve got that could force you to come back. But if you wanted to be there…”

Jim shrugged. “Just an idea.”

“I could…” Kane seemed to be working through the idea. “No hunters?”

“No hunters,” Jim confirmed. “Fuck those guys.”

Kane twisted a throw pillow in his hands. “Just like before?”

“Just like before. Well, I guess we could discuss the ankle restraints since running off won’t be as much of a concern.”

Kane shrugged one shoulder. “I never minded them.”

He went back to twisting the pillow. Jim glanced at the door, wondering how soon nightfall was. He so wanted to be out of here.

“I think…I think I’d like to come back,” Kane said quietly.

“Alright, man. If that’s what you want.”

A sudden thump from above them abruptly reminded Jim they weren’t alone. The thought occurred to Jim that vampire hearing is very good. Was Bellamy able to hear this whole conversation and was just politely pretending not to?

Kane seemed to have a similar thought. “We should talk to Bellamy.”

Many hours later, Jim watched the dawn break over his backyard. He cradled the phone in his hands for a moment before dialling.

“Hey, Jim, what’s up?” Liz’s voice sounded tired. She was probably just getting home from a shift. “Did something happen?”

“I need to see you.”

“Jim, are you okay? What’s wrong?” She sounded much more awake now.

“Something’s happened. Nothing’s wrong. I need to see you."

****

And that's a wrap! Thank you for reading this very long piece. Please excuse any typos. I wrote much of this in one sitting and editing it was a beast.

#kane and jim #whump #whump fic #whump stories #whump story #k&j #whumplr #recapture #emotional whump #vampire whump #long post #my writing #whumpsday #vampire whumper #vampire whumpee

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writereleaserepeat · 9 months

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Fan Mail

Fan work based on the Kane & Jim series by @whumpsday . I’m always so inspired by K&J, both in how to make a compelling story and how to be a better author. Please go read the original K&J before reading this - I promise you the investment of time is worth it. Some creative liberties and departures from canon have been taken to make this story work.

Summary: Jim gets a special delivery - fan mail. Kane is horrified when he finds out what this means, and Liz manages to make it worse.

WC: ~5500

CW: recovery from abuse and torture, PTSD symptoms, hate comments

Kane heard the familiar hum of the mail truck long before it reached the end of Jim’s driveway. The poor excuse for a vehicle sputtered along with its usual concerning wheeze. After hearing it for the first time, Kane had been waiting for the day when it inevitably gave out for good. In the meantime, however, it would continue to deposit a meager collection of mass-mailed pamphlets in Jim’s mailbox once every weekday.

“Is that the mail?” Jim called from the kitchen, having apparently heard the telltale rattling on his own.

“Yes,” Kane answered simply, unsurprised that even a human was able to hear the metallic beast’s pathetic keening. After a moment he heard the vehicle’s direction of travel change, and Kane’s red eyes widened as his heart accelerated in his chest.

“It’s… it’s coming up the driveway.” His words came out strangled by fear, terror at the sudden and unexpected.

Of the days Kane had spent tucked away inside, hiding from the daylight that blazed beyond dark curtains, he’d come to embrace the comfort routine. He heard when the birds first began their song before dawn, and he listened to the wind shift through the nearby trees as mid-morning became afternoon. He found melodies in Jim’s footsteps upstairs, tracing the man’s path throughout the home each morning before he fetched Kane from the basement. Crickets began their crescendo as the sun began to fall towards the horizon, signaling that it would soon be time for Kane to return to the basement once more.

But the mail truck was supposed to pause for a moment before carrying on down the road. It wasn’t supposed to travel across Jim’s driveway and sputter ever-closer, carrying another human and goodness knows what else in its belly.

“Oh, Liz and Laken must have sent me a package,” Jim said with nonchalance. “Blaise drops any packages off on the porch, instead of the mailbox.”

The fact that Jim sounded unfazed did little to settle Kane’s growing panic.

“A package? But- but don’t they visit often? Why would they mail something when they can just bring it over?” The questions were all hiding Kane’s true concern: what’s the catch? How is this going to hurt me? Are the hunters finally coming back for me?

There was the brief sound of Jim drying his hands on the kitchen towel, and then he reemerged in the living room with a half-smile on his face. This one seemed genuine, kind.

“I think they want me to have a pleasant surprise now and then. I know money is tight for them, but they always find new ways to try and lift my spirits. Besides, if I refuse, Liz just starts counting how many birthdays and Christmases I missed.”

“Oh.” Kane’s anxiety coiled inside him like a spring. It was a painful reminder of those years he’d stolen from Jim, the years that Liz would never be able to return with a thousand well-meaning gifts. It was a reminder that Kane was a monster, and always would be.

The vampire soon realized that Jim had picked up on his nerves. He’d drawn the jacket tight around himself, pulled the hood in close to his cheeks, formed a barrier between himself and the rest of the world. It was like Kane was a child, trying to hide from the monsters in his closet.

Jim ran a hand through his curls and gestured halfheartedly towards the basement door.

“Why don’t you go downstairs for a few minutes? I’ll have to open the front door to get the package, and I don’t want you to worry about the sun.”

That was all the convincing that Kane needed. He willingly went down the stairs, past the silver door, and down into the dark recesses of his basement – no, the basement. He even let out a breath of relief as he heard the lock secured.

Moments later the rattling of the mail truck ceased to an idle hum. Kane could then hear Jim chatting with a stranger, their smiles evident in their tones.

“Hey, Blaise, how are you?”

“Doin’ just fine, Jim. I have a package here for you, not too heavy, but figured I’d spare you the walk down the driveway.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it, man. Can I get you something to drink?”

“Oh, I’m okay, the missus packed me some water for the road this morning.”

“Alright, if you say so. You take care now.”

“Likewise. Enjoy your afternoon, the weather out here is beautiful.”

Both of their voices were warm, friendly, alight with the jovial tone of passing acquaintances. The front door closed and Jim walked back to the kitchen, dropped his package and letters on the kitchen table, and then the lock on the basement door slid open.

“You can come up now. Blaise is gone, and the door is closed.”

Kane trotted up the stares obediently, relieved that Jim had been telling the truth, but simultaneously burning with shame. He’d made Jim go out of his way for something as simple as getting the mail, all because he couldn’t quell his own anxieties. Kane did nothing but complicate Jim’s life, all he’d done for the last decade was complicate it, and he wasn’t poised to stop any time soon. He felt the full weight of his burdensome existence deep in his stomach.

Although he’d heard the front door close, Kane swept his eyes carefully around the room before letting the basement door shut behind him. True to his senses, and much to his relief, there was no sunlight leaking into the house. Further inspection revealed pamphlets and a large box on the kitchen table, but Jim had seemingly ignored them in favor of the meal he had working on the stove.

The question dropped from his lips before Kane could swallow it. As anxious as the unexpected mail drop had made him, he was just as curious what Liz could have sent along through the post.

“Aren’t- aren’t you going to open it?”

“Nope,” Jim said without hesitation, and without apparent annoyance at Kane’s prodding inquiry. “It’s not a gift. Its garbage, and the garbage is where it’s going as soon as I’m done cooking these onions.”

“I can take care of that for you,” Kane offered, desperate to be helpful, especially after the scene he’d nearly caused because of a simple package delivery. Whatever was in that box was definitely a sensitive subject for Jim: Kane could hear it in the human’s rapid heartbeat and he could see it in his tensed muscles.

“It’s fine,” Jim said, his voice wavering a touch. “But… sure. Just dump the contents right into the trash, and put the box in after it, alright? Might have to cut the box down for it to fit.”

“Yes, Jim.”

Eager to assist, and pleased he’d remembered to use Jim’s name under pressure, Kane sprang forward and whisked the box off the table. His talons effortlessly split the tape and he proceeded to shake out the contents into the nearby trash can.

Much to Kane’s surprise, a pile of letters came fluttering out of the box, and they fell in piles onto the waste that was already sitting in the bottom of the trash bag. The panic that had just been quelled re-emerged. Kane drew in a breath and let out a shaking whimper. There was no way Jim had meant to throw out letters, right? They were handwritten, addressed to him by name, sealed with stamps and beautifully scrawling script.

“I- Jim- I don’t think this is- these are letters! They’re addressed to you!” His nervous exclamation was louder than he intended, but Kane wasted no time in digging his arms down into the wastebin, fishing out fistfuls of letters in a hurried attempt to save them.

When he glanced up, Jim had a scornful look on his face, which made Kane shirk back.

“Yeah, I know. That’s why they’re trash. Put ‘em back, stuff ‘em to the bottom of the can, and get the bag ready to go to the curb.”

Kane had to force a swallow, and he quickly dropped the letters back into the bottom of the trash. The rest followed, and he tore the cardboard box into pieces that he piled on top of the letters. Whatever they were, Jim didn’t want to see them, much less acknowledge them.

Before he closed the lid he noted the return address on the box. It fluttered to the bottom of the trash just like the letters, but not before Kane had taken in the sender’s identity.

Birchwood Forest Publishing, Inc.

That created more questions than it answered. However, Kane knew he had already pushed on Jim’s good graces with this matter, and the thought of upsetting him further made the hair on the back of Kane’s neck stand up straight. If this was something Jim wanted to keep a secret, Kane would let him have that secret.

Still, the curiosity gnawed at him like hunger.

---

Five days after the incident with the mysterious package, and four days since any remaining evidence had been schlepped outside for trash collection, Liz and Laken came to visit. Kane had been gradually growing accustomed to their visits, including Liz’s caustic stare. It was no less than he deserved.

The two hunters had just come off shift, so it was quite early in the morning when they’d arrived. Kane had heard their arrival upstairs, and he’d listened with earnest pining as the family laughed and joked and made their way through the otherwise quiet house.

Kane had been allowed upstairs after sunrise. The ankle restraints were familiar by now, even comfortable, and he was able to sit on Jim’s couch in silence as Laken retold stories of the last week in town. He was sure the interest was apparent on his face, but he sat rapt through Laken’s retelling of the butcher who had finally gained the courage to ask the diner owner on a date. Although the entire affair could have lasted no more than two minutes, Laken had managed to stretch the tale into almost ten minutes, and their impassioned dramatization was the most relaxed Kane had been in days.

It was pleasant. There was no denying how nice it was, sat like a friend among these three humans, even if they largely ignored Kane’s presence. He was soaking in the laughter, the smiles, no matter the fact none were directed at him. Their blood smelled sweet, but not nearly as sweet as the joy Kane gained from listening to them laugh at something aside from his own pain.

The illusion of perfection was shattered when Jim finally piped up.

“Yeah, you won’t believe what I got in the mail this week. Another box of fan mail from the fuckin’ publishers. I told them months ago that I didn’t want them forwarding that shit anymore.” When he spoke he only sounded mildly irritated, at best, while Kane knew he’d been furious when the box had first arrived.

Kane immediately sat at attention, his calm dissipated, and he leaned forward as the siblings scowled in unison.

It had to be about the box and the letters, of course. There was no other noteworthy mail that Jim had received over the last week. “Them” could only mean one thing: Birchwood Forest Publishing, Inc.

“Fuckers,” Liz grumbled, and she took a sip of her cold cola, her lips smudging the frost on the side of the glass. “You’d think they’d at least screen it, right? You know, actually look at what they’re sending you, not just stuff it in a box and hope all is well.”

Jim scoffed.

“I don’t want any of it. No praise, no love letters, nothing. They can burn it, for all I care. Just stop sending it to my doorstep.” There was no hiding the sheer disgust that dripped from every word.

This only piqued Kane’s interest further. Why would Birchwood Forest Publishing send Jim love letters? And if they were indeed love letters, why did Jim speak of them with such vehement hatred?

Of the humans in attendance, Laken seemed the least bothered by the cryptic discussion. They stood up and stretched before grabbing the now-empty plate in front of them.

“I’m going to the kitchen to grab a beer and get the dishes started. Anyone else want anything?”

“I’ll be back once I take a leak,” Jim said, standing up alongside Laken.

“Guess that leaves me to babysit,” Liz said, to which the other humans laughed.

Kane’s cheeks flushed hot with embarrassment. He knew that Liz’s words were in jest, but dread knotted in his stomach nonetheless. As Jim and Laken left, Kane wrung his hands together. Being left alone with Liz was always scary. Even now, before Jim had left the room, her glare burned holes in his tattered soul.

“So, do you even know what Jim was talking about? The letters?” She asked once both humans were out of earshot. The accusatory tone was yet another clue Kane hadn’t picked up on before – whatever this was about, it was because of him.

When it came to Jim’s endless pain and suffering, what wasn’t Kane’s fault?

“J- Jim got a package the other day,” Kane started. There was a soft waver to his voice, but he pushed on. “It was large box that came with the mail. He told me to throw it away, and I did- well, I started to. I thought he made a mistake, because it was letters, and they were addressed to him. But… he made it very clear that he didn’t make a mistake. He told me to throw them out without even looking at them.”

“Mhm.” Liz leaned back into the chair and crossed her right leg across her lap. “Do you know what those letters were?”

For a moment, Kane was tempted to lie. After all, Jim had told him to throw the letters out, not look at who the box was from. He didn’t want to admit that he had learned more than he’d been allowed to. At the same time, he felt as though Liz could stare through him and all his secrets.

“No. All I know is that the box was sent from Birchwood Forest Publishing, and that it made Jim very upset.” This confession came just as quietly, an admission that he’d snooped where he shouldn’t have.

“You know that Jim published a book, right? A book about what you did to him. A book about how he survived, despite that.” There was no missing the accusatory tone in her voice, that anger she never quite abandoned when speaking to Kane. It was a sound that made him want to sink into the earth and never reemerge.

Yes, and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I swear that I’m sorry, please don’t hurt me please please please…

“Yes,” he squeaked out, and pulled his hands close to his chest, as though that could protect him from a hunter’s stake.

“Well, you see,” Liz continued with another sip of her cola, “the book was a bestseller. Everyone loved the story. A human escaping from vampire territory? It was unheard of, especially after five years in captivity. It sold like wildfire the first year, and the sales haven’t slowed down since. But that level of notoriety, well, it causes problems too.”

Of course it did. Everything Kane touched caused problems for Jim. Even the very story of Jim’s captivity, and his attempt to make some profit from it, caused years of cascading pain.

“I’m sorry.” This time he couldn’t stop the apology slipping from his lips. It burned in his throat, and tears pricked his eyes. There would never be enough apologies in the world for what he’d done, and the thought that it continued to this day ached in Kane’s very bones.

“You don’t know the half of it.” That acidic abrasiveness gave Liz’s voice an edge. “The book had only been out for a week when the publishers forwarded the first box of fan mail. That’s what they called it, anyway. These were letters that readers had sent in to the publisher, addressed for Jim, because the publishers are some of the only people in the world with his address. They gathered up the letters, put them in a box, and sent them his way. You should have seen the way he smiled, thinking that maybe he’d inspired hope in some people, or that he’d find someone else who went through the same thing.

“Sure, some of the letters were like that. They told him how brave he was, how they could never imagine being so strong, or that his story gave him hope that their missing relatives would come home safe one day. But there were awful letters too. People who wrote solely to tell him that he should have died in captivity. Vampires who snuck into human territory to send words of vitriol for all humans, not just Jim. There were letters that accused him of being a liar, that he’d made up all of that suffering for the fame. For every kind letter of inspiration, there were at least two more than made him sick. They hurt him all over again.”

Kane’s head spun. He’d known that humans could be cruel – he knew that intimately well after his stint with the hunters – but he had no idea they could be so cruel to one another. And because of his own ignorance, not just trusting Jim when he said to throw the letters out, he’d dredged up all that hurt again.

“I didn’t know,” he whispered, wishing he could hide his face. “I swear, I didn’t- I didn’t know. I never meant for people to hurt him like that, I swear, if I could stop it-”

Liz cut him off with a wave of her hand.

“For once, this isn’t your fault. I mean, it is your fault. But people being dicks for the sake of being dicks? Humans have done that to each other since the beginning of time. Still, it doesn’t mean that Jim can handle it, not anymore.”

That sisterly softness crept into her expression, sadness clouding her eyes. She didn’t look up at Kane, but instead down at the floor, focused intently on the edges of Jim’s rug.

“I won’t ask about the letters again,” Kane assured her. If he’d learned anything from his time in captivity, it had been that making mistakes was unforgivable. Jim had been kind enough to let the letters slide this once, and without comment. If Jim had been upset by Kane’s inquiries about the letters, he’d hidden it well.

“I’m sure you won’t,” Liz said. “If you do, and he gets upset, you’ll have to deal with me.”

It was a threat that was often left unspoken, so Kane didn’t hesitate to acknowledge it.

“Yes, I understand.”

After a moment of thought, Liz tilted her head to the side.

“Have you read his book?”

“N- no, I haven’t. The only books I’ve read are the ones he’s given me.” These were the words that Kane managed to say, but even more ran through his mind.

I don’t think I can read Jim’s book, not by myself. You’d have to tie me down and read it to me so I can’t run away from what I did. It just hurts too much. Haven’t I already paid the price? Do I just have to keep reliving my sins over, and over, and over again? Is this the rest of my life?

“Well, maybe you should one day.” Liz spoke in a noncommittal tone. “I know he has some advanced reader copies still up in his attic.”

Kane was spared having to answer as Jim walked back into the room. He patted water off his hands onto his jeans, and stared at Liz with a smirk.

“What, not helping Laken with the dishes?”

“It’s their turn,” Liz shot back without a moment’s hesitation. “I did them last time!”

The siblings continued their chatter and Kane took the opportunity to retreat into himself, pushing out the questions and the discomforts from his time with Liz. If he sat with them for much longer, he’d be sick.

---

Kane had excused himself to the basement looking rather ill, and Jim hadn’t pushed the issue. The hood on the jacket had come up and Kane had wrapped his arms around himself, which Jim had come to recognize meant Kane was having a bad time. Given that it had only happened after he’d left the vampire with Liz, however, he had his suspicions as to the sudden cause.

“What did you say to Kane?” he asked, giving Liz a pointed look. Her shrug and averted gaze told him that she’d pushed something she shouldn’t have.

“I just told him about the hate mail.”

“Dammit, Liz,” Jim groaned. “You think the guy doesn’t have enough guilt? I tried not to tell him when it came in the mail the other day, and that was on purpose. I can promise you he’s blaming himself for it now, and I’m sure that’s why he left early.”

“I told him it wasn’t his fault,” she said, somewhat defensively.

“Yeah, like that’s going to make a difference in his fucked-up brain! Ask me how I know.”

“He needs to understand that his actions have consequences. Sometimes, those consequences are so far removed from the action that they’re hard to conceive. I just wanted him to see that his actions have long-lasting effects in ways he’d never have expected.”

Jim sighed and brought a hand up to his neck. In his discomfort, even in front of his sister, he was compelled to cover his scar.

“He sees those consequences. He sees them every day, and I don’t think he needs any more punishment than he’s received. You’re not here all day with him. The guilt, and the trauma, they’re eating him alive. Every. Day.”

“If you say so,” Liz said. She wrapped her arms around him, a sensation he’d never grow tired of. “But if you ever need any help keeping him in line, you call me, alright?”

“I know,” he said, and closed his eyes. All he could see was Kane cowering away from him on the first day he’d been home. How was that the same vampire that had tortured him for years? “I know.”

---

“Hey, Kane?” Jim called down the basement stairs, unwilling to enter Kane’s space without permission or good reason. “Are you alright? Liz and Laken are gone, you can come up if you’d like.”

It took a few moments for the vampire to take him up on the offer. There was the telltale shuffle of chains around his ankles, which he hadn’t removed before Kane retreated to the basement. Those familiar red eyes appeared at the base of the stairs and Kane made his way up slowly, cautiously.

“You’re not in trouble,” Jim reassured him, hoping to head off any nervous questions before they emerged. “I’m not upset that you and Liz talked about the letters.”

“Oh. Okay, I’m… Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me,” Jim said as Kane tip-toed into the first floor of the house. “You’re allowed to talk with my sister about things like that. Hell, you’re allowed to talk to me. You know you’re allowed to ask questions, right? If I’m uncomfortable I won’t answer, but you’re still allowed to ask. You’ll never be punished for asking.”

“Yes, Jim.” The answer wasn’t particularly convincing, but Jim wasn’t going to push it. He carried on instead.

“I know I was upset when the mail came, but you were still allowed to ask about it if you had questions. I would have told you why I was uipset. I was mad at the publishers for sending it, not at you for checking about the letters.”

Kane’s red eyes watered with sadness, but tears didn’t fall.

“I’m sorry,” the vampire said, all but blubbering. “I’m sorry that people have been so cruel to you. I know it’s- it’s my fault.”

“No, it’s not your fault.” Jim tried to stress this, despite the small voice in his mind wanting to scream. Yes, of course it was Kane’s fault, in some distant way. But the Kane in that stupid book, the Kane that the rest of the world got to know, wasn’t the Kane that stood before him today. This Kane could hardly get a word out without sobbing.

“I’m… I’m sorry. Thank you for not getting upset.”

“Not upset at you,” Jim reiterated. “If you have any questions about the book, or the letters, you can ask. I might not be able to answer all of your questions, but I’ll try.”

He watched carefully as Kane looked down at the floor, then back up to Jim, and then back to the floor again.

“I… I had an idea.”

“Oh?” This came as a surprise to Jim. There were some things Kane had taken an initiative with, such as being useful around the house, but he rarely contributed any attempted ingenuity.

Kane fidgeted where he stood before continuing.

“You, uhm, did you like some of the letters? The nice ones?”

It had been a year since Jim had even opened one of the boxes from the publisher, and even longer since he’d read any letters the boxes contained. Even if there were a dozen letters praising his courage and complimenting the storytelling, one hate-filled page was enough to send him spiraling. It got to the point where even seeing the box in the mail spiked his anxiety and brought on nightmares.

It took a letter from a vampire, one who had managed to post the letter into human territory, to make Jim swear off opening them altogether. Those were the letters he remembered, not the kind ones. Those letters were the ones that gave him new nightmares.

“I suppose so,” Jim admitted with a sigh. “It was nice to hear from people who were supportive. I used to wonder if putting that book out into the world was the right thing to do, but enough letters convinced me that it did some good. I’d like to think it helped some people, wherever they might be in their lives. Maybe it still is.”

“Then… maybe I could screen the letters for you?”

This was something that Jim hadn’t foreseen. He stared at Kane with wide eyes, blinking in disbelief.

“Wait. You mean you’d read through all of the letters?”

“Yes, Jim.” Kane’s voice rose in pitch, likely a combination of nerves and excitement. “I could read all the letters, and only pass on the ones that are kind and supportive. You’d never even see the other ones.”

An ache blossomed in Jim’s heart. This wasn’t just groveling and begging: it was Kane offering himself up as a barricade between Jim and the rest of the world, and he was doing so without any care for his own self-preservation.

Jim didn’t need prompting to remember some of the other letters he received. Letters that were neither expressing hatred towards himself nor admiration. There’d also been the letters from the vampire hunters and various victims, all dripping with hatred for not just all vampires, but Kane specifically. Undoubtedly, there were similar letters in the box that had been discarded just a few nights prior.

No words of affirmation from strangers would be worth putting Kane through that. Not now, not after everything had changed. Kane’s well-being was worth more than any hollow words of praise.

“No, man, it’s all trash. I don’t need that shit.” His smile felt painfully fake, but he put it on for Kane’s sake. “I appreciate the offer, though.”

A pause spanned the air between them as Kane’s distress prickled.

“And, uhm, Jim?”

“Yeah?”

“Liz said I should… she said I should read the book. You never gave it to me, so, uhm, I’m not sure if you wanted me to, but I… I would do it, if that’s what you wanted. It would… it would be hard, I’m not sure I could do it on my own, but I’d try, I’d really try, if you said to.” The tears Kane was holding back were obvious as his voice cracked. He couldn’t even look up at Jim as he spoke.

Dammit, Liz. Part of Jim wished she was still in his living room so he could ask her what the hell she’d been thinking when she said that.

Instead, he had to draw a deep breath in through his nose and let it out through his mouth. Yes, this was a sensitive subject, but he was ready to navigate it. Jim knew he was healing, because he patted Kane gently on the top of his head instead of screaming. There were things in those pages neither would be able to bear revisiting.

“To tell you the truth, I’ve never read the whole thing,” he ended up saying. He was painfully aware of just how much in the book could wind up traumatizing them both if they ever dared to read the words. “I would never, ever ask you to read that. It was something from a different time in my life. A different time in your life. So long as the cheques keep coming in the mail, that’s all I’ll ever care about it.”

“Are you… are you sure?” The incredulity in Kane’s voice never ceased to break Jim’s heart all over again. Even after all this time in Jim’s home, it was like the vampire expected him to become as grotesque as the hunters.

“I’m sure.” Say it until you believe it. “It’s in the past now. For me, and for you.”

“I can handle the pain,” Kane choked out, tears coming in thick now. “I can, I swear. It’s the least I deserve, to try and understand…”

“No. I mean it. You’ve been through enough; no, we’ve both been through enough. The book is a paycheck, that’s it: it’s not a part of any fucked-up penance you think you deserve. I don’t want you to read it.”

“Okay. I understand, Jim.” The pain in Kane’s voice was still heavy, but Jim could bear it now. So long as the vampire was willing to back down, rather than spiral into a panic, they were making progress.

“Alright.” Another smile on Jim’s lips, this one feeling slightly more real. “As long as we’re on the same page – no pun intended.”

For the first time in almost two days Kane let out a sound that resembled a chuckle. He still didn’t meet Jim’s eyes, but that was okay. This is how their life was now. Baby steps, one day at a time.

“How about we get the kitchen properly cleaned up?” Jim offered, trying to brighten his tone. He couldn’t be jovial, not with his heart thundering so fast and the weight of the conversation on his shoulders, but he tried nonetheless. “I know Laken and Liz try to be good guests, but they never put the glasses back in the right spot.”

“Yes! I can do that.” Kane was still wiping tears from his cheeks, but his enthusiasm was impossible to miss. There was no mistaking his relief at being granted a task, one that he’d been praised for before.

Without another word, Kane darted off towards the kitchen on light feet, the jacket relaxed a touch across his shoulders.

Jim followed after him, trying not to think about the advanced readers’ copies of the book that sat in his attic.

#whump #whump writing #whump community #whump blog #kane & jim #whumpsday #tagging a creator who is so heralded in the community is honestly intimidating #I could have done better on this work... but I'm just glad I'm writing #I am so self conscious about this #I'm a very exhausted and out of practice author without a beta and alcohol in my veins #but kane and jim give me so much inspiration... I love this series so dearly #I have other ideas for fanworks but we'll see #thank you whumpsday for being so tremendous and such a cornerstone of the whump community #fanfiction

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