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getting-rid-of-anniex · 5 years

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An (Un)Healthy Check up

This is me, probably about 6 / 7 years old...?...(looks like I’m busy burying a vampire I’ve just staked?)...what I would give to let that little girl know that she really is enough, and to never let the world get her down so much so that she questions herself.

Fast forward 31 years and I’m now on a quest to try and get back to being as much like that carefree child. The most stressful thing I had to think about then, was whether I would get some sweets at the weekend and if Barbie and Ken would like the salon I’d made for them out of toilet rolls and a load of old boxes.

The unfortunate thing about ‘LIFE’ is that - ‘LIFE HAPPENS’(!) and the person you become is built up of many moments and experiences. In my case, my moments and experiences ended up helping to construct someone lacking confidence and overflowing with anxiety. I started dieting from about the age of 15 (and since then the weight only went up!) Friendships became toxic and I ended up having to build myself a new peer group. I developed a pattern of using food and drink to both celebrate and commiserate. I overindulged on happy days, sad days, sunny days, rainy days; to plaster over a stressful situation, and gee myself up when I needed some dutch courage. My health took a battering, developing asthma, bad knees (at one point the doctor did say I had arthritis...later on rescinding this?!?), IBS and depression. I’ve gone through stages of going totally bonkers with exercise, from running every day, to not at all and just lying on the sofa eating crisps. I tried so many times to follow weight loss programs - if only I’d saved that money instead. After repeatedly falling off the wagon I’d restart another program with so much excitement, only for the hard work to start and the realisation that this wouldn’t be a walk in the park, to hit. I’d throw in the towel and unhappily stuff my face (self sabotage anyone?) My stomach was in a constant mess resulting in time off work (and increased time in the loo!). I tried gluten free, but again after a month or two of symptoms easing and feeling good I’d then decide it wasn’t as bad as originally thought and devour everything in sight, only to go shooting right back to the beginning. As well as feeling like crap because my stomach was in agony, I’d also be mentally berating myself for not being able to stick to anything AGAIN. Why didn’t I have the ability to stick to anything? Especially when all the things I was doing, I was doing in the hope of helping myself?

Appointment no.1

After realising finally just how much I was hurting myself, and how much I was struggling, and after crying on the shoulders of some very amazing friends and family (I really hope you guys know who you are) I decided to see the doctor. To help with my IBS, anxiety and stress (which was a bowlful of Catch-22 IBS related loveliness!!!) I was prescribed anti depressants. Whilst these helped initially, they didn’t touch my inner demons. Self destructive patterns were repeated and the only thing I learnt, was how better to hide things from others.

This must stop!

Back in 2018 my body finally had had enough. After feeling like utter shite for months on end, monitoring over the course of a few weeks how my heart would start racing (just sitting at my desk) and having increasing episodes of hot flushes, I knew I needed to get in contact with the doctor. This time I really wanted to do something...and I was scared. The ball got moving though earlier than I’d planned.

Sitting at work my heart suddenly started to race. (There were no harsh words/emails, up-coming meetings/reviews, and I hadn’t eaten a heavy or spicy meal, there wasn’t anything in fact that could explain why this was happening). It felt as though I was having a panic attack (although never having had one, I couldn’t say for sure?). Luckily I was able to get an appointment with the doctor (another one) later that same day. I feel forever grateful to have been given an appointment with this particular doctor. For the first time ever I felt listened to, rather than just hurried along with the explanation for everything being the bog (pun intended) standard ‘gluten intolerance’. This went so much deeper. I was booked in for blood tests (and stool samples - yuck!) to check for any intolerances (also checking for Crohn’s and Celiac disease)/vitamin deficiencies, given leaflets on the FODMAP diet (although I do feel like this isn’t the full answer for my stomach issues, it definitely helped to fully monitor what foods were triggering my IBS symptoms). We also had a bloody good talk. I didn’t feel like I was just another foot through the door and that the clock was being watched; I really could have hugged my Doc. I left feeling so positive (for most probably the first time in years). Even if we couldn’t rule everything out straight away (there would be a lot of trial and error in the up-coming months), it felt as though someone was on my side and wanted to help. Someone had finally just sat and listened (I’m not including friends and family in that comment - believe me, they definitely have done more than their share of hand holding and listening. This just meant so much, having someone from the health profession listen rather than assume.)

Blood test results

Well the results came in: B12 deficient and lacking folic acid. (I did have to have a further round of blood tests to rule out Pernicious Anemia, but this came back negative.) I also had to provide a ‘sample’, but the only embarrassing part about this was the idiot monkey behind the reception desk deciding that she needed to shout out across the waiting room that my little tube contained pooh (ground please swallow me up!!!)

Diet

B12 and folic acid were tackled with supplement vitamins and a controlled diet (at the time I was going through the FODMAP diet - which was so hard to navigate. So in the mean time I’ve knocked that on the head, but have tried to limit certain foods and just be more mindful about what I am putting into my body - for example I don’t eat apples as they really don’t like my stomach, I have to be careful how much beetroot/coffee/chickpeas, nuts and chocolate I have and I do try to limit bread/pasta. I was put on a list to speak to a dietician....I’m still waiting to see them!)

I have also rejoined WW online (but if being truthful, I’m still struggling with this. It’s still that bit too easy for me to not track all foods). It’s definitely a work in progress. The recipes are fantastic - I just need to be more honest with it if it’s going to work. One positive with this app though is that it has helped learning to track my weight only once a week (I used to have a day ritual of weighing myself).

I’ve cut right back on alcohol (to be another post soon, as this is a whole other story in itself). I’m already feeling the benefits, and some of them in unexpected ways - my skin has never felt/looked clearer (and from someone who is obsessed with studying the wrinkles on her forehead, this has been a fantastic bonus).

Fitness

I’ve downloaded some fitness apps to try and increase the amount of exercise I do (sitting at a desk for 8 hours a day does not help with general fitness!)

ZR5K: I’m currently doing a 5K training app (learning to run whilst escaping from Zombies - I’ve not used this app when it’s dark, I think it would unnerve me too much).

Race at your pace*: I’ve signed up for ‘Race at your pace’ (it was only £10 (medal only option)...and I get a medal at the end - as long as I complete my target of 25 miles run through out January). This has been a real motivator - I love the idea of getting a medal at the end of the month. This has also been mega easy to implement - I just track at the same time as escaping Zombies! *£10 for a medal - more if you want a Race at your pace top. **mile target is set by yourself and you can complete it by either running/walking or swimming for that particular month. MapMyRun: I currently use this as well, to track where I’m going and how long it’s taking me. It’s been a brilliant tool for monitoring average pace, and I’m hoping as the months role by to see this improving. Yoga: I’m also starting to implement some yoga into my daily routine too. I find that as well as it helping to stretch and loosen my muscles after a run (very slow shuffle), it also helps me to unwind and switch off.

Mindfulness

Breathe: I have downloaded a relaxation and meditation app. As with all the apps I’m currently using, I’ve gone for the free option so with this particular one, I don’t get the longer/more specific meditations, but there are still a great range to select from. They have been really helpful unwinding before bed. I just need to get into a better routine of using this daily.

Supportive networks

The hubby, friends and family have all been invaluable to me getting to where I am now. My husband is an amazing man (also a pain in the arse, but hey - I’ll forgive him that) and I absolutely cherish all he does in order to help me on my journey to being a better, happier human being! I cannot stress enough, how you need people around you who (may not have the answers but) will listen - without judgement. I feel so incredibly lucky to have the people around me who I know I can talk to, cry on and ask opinions of. I’ve been incredibly honest with my boss. Luckily he is someone who I know I can talk to and he’s been very understanding. After worrying about time off work due to sickness (stress/IBS/depression issues etc) I opened up completely about everything - food, health (mental and physical)....and I’ve even asked if I can set my health goals as part of my personal development target at work. (Being proactive about helping myself can surely only have a positive impact on my work/life balance. A happier/healthier worker will have a better attitude at work and (I’m hoping) a more productive output???)

Other ‘things’

I’ve also tried to absorb anything and everything that is supportive, positive that will help shore up my personal goals on my journey to self improvement.

I’ve downloaded healthy living podcasts, listened to audio books on being alcohol free and been reading ‘self help’ books - such as ‘The Happiness Equation’.

So this is me - minus the fringe and wondering if I should have curled my hair (see, I’m still a stress head). I’m not 100% healthy or happy but I’m trying my hardest to get there. I’ve got a lot of things to figure out but this time I’m willing to try. I may not be a little six year old happily sitting on the beach, but I’m determined to approach life with that same open and curious mindset...and vampires beware, I’ll still stake and bury you, no questions asked if you try to bite!

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That’s all for now folks.

Along the way Annie X came on the scene. I’ll explain my relationship with her in the next ‘session’.

Thanks, be kind to each other and I’ll see you next time R (and Annie X) x

#health #mental health #health & fitness #self improvement #getting rid of Annie X #getting healthy

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sincerelybluevase · 5 years

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Didn't think all questions from 'Asks' could be proposed, so there you go: all the questions (1 to 96) or as much as you can!

Well thank you, nonny! I shall put these under a cut.

(1) Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed? Closed, because you never know what might be in there!

(2) Do You Have Freckles? I wish I did, but alas! My sisters do have them so jealous much.

(3) Can You Whistle? I can, but I can’t carry a tune I’m afraid.

(4) Last Song You Listened To. Almost by Hozier.

(5) What Is Your Favourite Colour? It’s a tie between blue and red.

(6) Relationship Status. Taken, and happily so!

(7) What Is The Temperature Right Now? 16 degrees Celsius, so that’s about 61 F.

(8) Did You Wake Up Cranky? I woke up from a nightmare, so it wasn’t really the best sort of waking. That said, I’m not cranky per se, just a bit sleepy still.

(9) How Many Followers? 438

(10) Zodiac Sign. Aquarius

(11) What Is Your Eye Colour? Blue!

(12) Take A Vitamin Daily? Not daily; I take vitamin D tablets you have to take every few days. Before I used to take a different vitamin D tablet daily, though!

(13) Do You Sing In The Shower? No but I do talk to myself haha.

(14) What Books Are You Reading? The Fellowship of the Ring by J.R.R. Tolkien for a course at university, and Beyond Black by Hilary Mantel for fun.

(15) Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14. I don’t think you have to worry about Bilbo.

(16) Favourite Anime? Hm, probably Howl’s Moving Castle.

(17) Last Person You Cried In Front Of? I’m trying to remember when I last cried. Either in front of my gf, or in front of my sisters.

(18) Do You Collect Anything? Books and crystal skulls!

(19) What Did You Have For Lunch? Nothing yet, because it is still morning.

(20) Do You Dance In The Car? Our car isn’t big enough for that haha.

(21) Favourite Animal? I think I would have to choose otters.

(22) Do You Watch The Olympics? I watch parts of it.

(23) What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed? Well, I usually go up at 9.30, but that doesn’t mean I’m actually aiming for sleep at that point, haha.

(24) Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now? I’m allergic to make up, so no.

(25) Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean? Neither, because I hate swimming.

(26) Favourite Tumblr Blog? How could I ever choose?

(27) Bottled Water Or Tap Water? I live in the Netherlands, which has the cleanest tap water in the world. Therefore, drinking bottled water is almost criminal.

(28) What Makes You Happy? Many things! My gf, my sisters, my dog, good books, writing, playing the piano, petrichor, warmth, hot tea...

(29) Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now.

(30) Do You Study Better With Or Without Music? It depends on what I am studying, truth be told. I do both, though I always use instrumental music.

(31) Dogs Or Cats? Both.

(32) If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be? I don’t know. Probably a pastel blue, maybe orange?

(33) PlayStation Or Xbox. Sadly, I have had neither.

(34) Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean? Not if I can help it.

(35) Do You Believe In Magic? Define magic.

(36) What Colour Shirt Are You Wearing? I’m wearing a dress. It’s denim, therefore blue.

(37) Can You Curl Your Tongue? I can!

(38) Do You Save Money Or Spend It? I’d like to say both, but I mainly spend it.

(39) Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You? Yes; my phone case.

(40) Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now? I wouldn’t call it an obsession, but I have been listening to Lana Del Rey’s new album on repeat, and I’ve found myself craving gothic books.

(41) Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly? I haven’t.

(42) Are You Easily Influenced By Other People? No.

(43) Do You Have Strange Dreams? All the freaking time!

(44) Do You Like Going On Airplanes? No; the air is super dry, the seats are cramped and uncomfortable, the food too little and not very good. I do like I’m going somewhere, though.

(45) Name One Movie That Made You Cry. The only thing that comes to mind right now is Shrek the Fourth, which is somewhat embarrassing, but really I cry easily with films.

(46) Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds? Sunflower seeds, though both are lovely when salted.

(47) If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be? Hozier.

(48) Are You A Picky Eater? I can’t eat gluten and I’m also lactose intolerant, so in that sense I am picky. If it boils down to what I actually like, I’m not.

(49) Are You A Heavy Sleeper? Not at all.

(50) Do You Fear Thunder / Lightning? Nope!

(51) Do You Like To Read / Write? Yes and yes!

(52) Do You Like Your Music Loud? No because I am perpetually afraid I will damage my ears and go deaf.

(53) Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents? I have only ever carved a pumpkin once, so I am going to go with that because it is so new.

(54) Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up? Mrs de Winter bin ich! From the German musical adaption of Daphne du Maurier’s Rebecca.

(55) What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather) Transitioning from summer to autumn.

(56)What Are You Craving Right Now? Some free time so I can finish my first draft and finish the book I’m reading.

(57) Post A Screenshot Of Your Tumblr Feed. No.

(58) What Is Your Gender? Female.

(59) Coffee Or Tea? Tea.

(60) Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About? I’m doing an English literature master, so I have homework all the time! I have to write a little essay about the letters of Margaret Cavendish, read LOTR, and choose a topic for an essay for my course on British and Irish fantasy novels.

(61) What Is Your Sexuality? Lesbian.

(62) Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning? Yes.

(63) Favourite Pokemon? Bulbosaur.

(64) Favourite Social Media? Tumblr.

(65) What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories? They can be fun!

(66) Do You Get Homesick? As a rule, no, but it depends on where I am and most of all with whom.

(67) Are You A Virgin? What a personal question!

(68) What Shampoo And Conditioner Are You Using Right Now? I don’t use conditioner, but I am using a shampoo bar by Lush which I don’t remember the name of, but it is for blondes and has chamomille and smells like lemon.

(69) If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free? What an American question! It is not really something I will have to deal with, living in the Netherlands. Still, if it came to it I suppose my car is less dirty than a crappy motel room.

(70) Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life? Yes.

(71) Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters? Portrait of a Lady on Fire.

(72) Do You Miss Your Ex? I don’t have one.

(73) What Is Your Favourite Quote Right Now? I don’t really have one.

(74) What Eye Colour Do You Find Sexiest? That fully depends on the person those eyes belong to. As a general rule, brown eyes.

(75) Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set? I do, and yes!

(76) What Was The Last Thing You Ate? I’m eating a sandwich as we eat.

(77) What Games Do You Have On Your Phone? Microsoft’s solitaire collection.

(78) Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not? I can’t give CPR, but if i could, I would, because I damn well hope someone would give me CPR if I was in that situation.

(79) Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight? Yes.

(80) Stalked Someone On A Social Network? No.

(81) Do You Like Meeting New People? Again, depends on the context.

(82) Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them. I wear one on each thumb and one on my right middle finger. Can’t take a picture ATM

(83) Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed? Closed.

(84) What Are Three Things You Did Today? Brushed my teeth, made breakfast, talked to my gf. It’s 7.45 in the morning, guys.

(85) What Do You Wear To Bed? Nothing.

(86) List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now. I have face moisturiser and that is it guys.

(87) Are You A Day Or Night Person? A day person.

(88) List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc. Candy crush friends, and Microsoft solitaire collection.

(89) Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened. Well this morning I had a nightmare where I had to perform an exorcism on a loved one, and it didn’t work. Come to think of it, I did try to bless them with ‘the father, the mother, and the holy ghost,’ so that may have had something to do with it not working.

(90) Favourite Soda Drink? Fanta or 7-up.

(91) What Sounds Are Your Favourite? My gf laughing, rain on leaves (I am not that much of a rain person though), birds.

(92) Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More? Sweats are more comfy, Jeans look better.

(93) How Do You Look Right Now? Tired.

(94) Name Something That Relaxes You. Music.

(95) What Tattoo Do You Want? I don’t want one. I am too fickle; I’d grow bored of it after a while.

(96) Favourite YouTuber? I don’t have one favourite since I use youtube for different things.

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medilir · 5 years

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A shit thing that shouldn't happen

Back story, I am severely lactose intolerant...

So I went out for breakfast with my mum this morning. Got food - very good food btw- and I ordered a coffee. My usual, soy cap.

I got it, and I could tell that it wasn't soy milk in the drink, but I drunk it anyway. Twenty minutes later, I had severe cramping. Like, curled in a ball crying severe.

And the sad thing is, this isn't the first time this has happened to me, or to people I know. For some reason, servers like to make the decision for you whether what you eat is actually what you ordered. I'm not pinning it on all servers, but it still happens.

People need to get it through their thick heads that if someone orders dairy free, or gluten free or whatever, you fucking give them that. You give them that and nothing else. It's not your place to decide that I'd prefer full cream milk over soy, because in your opinion I'm some sort of vegan scum, because I'm not.

You wouldn't give peanuts to someone allergic to them, so why would you even think about putting dairy in a drink when someone has specifically ordered otherwise?

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neverevers-worlddd · 2 years

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Tw cals

I am crying right now, yesterday my father bought a sweet I liked so much as child, it brings good memories. What I was happy about that It is gluten free, since I might have gluten intolerance (not alergie), because my stomach hurts after consuming something with it and I feel overall not good, so I try to minimise the intake of it. I ate one yesterday and today I wanted to take another one. Right before eating it I saw on the label it has 500 kcal for 50 grams......why....

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pointeshoes-and-readingglasses · 3 years

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The Years Start Comin’

CW: mention of self-harm

It’s been a while… so much has happened in the past year and half since my last post. I know that it’s a cliché to say that but, really, so much has happened. First things first, to follow up with my previous post, turns out I’m gluten and dairy intolerant. Now that I’ve reduced the amount of those things in my life, I haven’t gotten sick like that again. Thank you, God.

Second things second, I have a real adult job! It’s not very flashy (I literally work in a fancy warehouse), but hey, it’s tons better than working in retail.

I just reread my old blog posts and it struck me how far I’ve come in terms of my ability to handle my mental illness. It used to always be so overwhelming all the time. It sometimes is still, but it’s not always anymore. I’m learning to love myself for who I am. I’m learning to not wish I was someone else. God made me the way I am for a reason. I still don’t really know what that reason is, but I’m slowly learning to fall in love with myself. I am a person who loves and is loved.

Right now, I am sitting at my desk: a place that holds mixed memories for me. In the drawer next to me are the scissors that I have used to hurt myself many times. I have sat in this exact place whilst deep in depression. But I’ve also sat here and video-called many friends. I’ve played so many DnD sessions here. And right here, right now, I’m listening to my playlist of relaxing music, looking at the soft LED lights around me, smelling the sent of my wax melter, tasting my favorite type of herbal tea, feeling the warmth of my flannel jacket. Right here, right now, the world isn’t okay, but my small corner is. There is much darkness in the world, always was and always will be, but we can make little corners of light for ourselves.

I like to collect things I find lovely. I think everyone does. It’s the reason why Pinterest has remained popular. I have so many little knickknacks and little pieces of art in my room for no other reason than they make me feel just a little bit happier. The drawing of Baymax in a tutu doing an arabesque saying “wee-eee-eee” brings me joy. One person may look at my room and think that it’s extremely cluttered, and I wouldn’t entirely disagree with them. However, my life would be sadder if I didn’t have all these little objects to remind me that joy can be found in small things. I have a terrible memory and these trinkets remind me that life isn’t always so bad. Sometimes there are pretty mugs to look at and drink delicious tea out of.

I’m glad I’m here to enjoy this moment. I’m even more glad that I’m writing this down. I want to be able to refer to this moment whenever things start to feel bad again. It’s moments like these that give me hope. There is always light in the darkness if your eyes are open to seeing it.

Am I still sad, even at this moment? Yes, I am. But that’s okay. We can be sad and it’s not the end of the world. Sadness is part of the human experience. It’s not pleasant but it can be good. It’s good to be sad about all the evil in the world. It’s good to be sad about that terrible thing in your past. It’s good to cry even, “for not all tears are evil.”

We must accept things as they are, not how we wish they were. I’m not saying to give up hope for a better future. But we must work with what we have in front of us. No amount of wishful thinking can change my brain to being neurotypical. While on this earth, I will always have a different way of thinking that some people just won’t understand. This mortal body won’t ever be perfect. I will have struggles that other people just won’t have. But it’s still okay. Future me, please know that I meant that when I wrote it. It really can be okay.

That was a lot of thoughts, but I’m glad I got them all down. I don’t know if anyone will ever read this but me. That’s okay. I know I needed to hear all these things.

#mentalhealth religion #mentalhealth selfcare #sadness #its okay #hope

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oceaneyedstan · 6 years

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time to be real rn...I honestly really really wanna die. Like I joke about it but lately I truly do and I mean it and like I just want to rant about it here since no one truly knows me here and I also dont want to worry anyone but just know I wont commit suicide like I truly wont no matter how much I want to because theres so much stuff I actually look forward to and they're small but they mean a lot to me like I am going to see 5sos in September and that's something that's helping me hold on and then also waiting for Antman and The Wasp in July that's not something that's super important but it is to me because it makes me hold on a little tighter and a little longer and then also Avengers 4 so. Theres like a 99% chance I wont kill myself because i hold onto things and I use them to keep me going like next summer I might be going to Australia or some other country for my graduation trip.

But like 2 or 3 weeks ago my depression has gotten worst and everything and like then last Wednesday evening and Thursday things got hella better because I was finding things to do to make me happy and then Friday and stuff I just felt eh like mediocre and as well as Saturday then today I'm trying to exercise because that's suppose to help and stuff and I'm trying to stay in shape and it hurts to work out my joints always hurt so I broke down and had like a panic attack and stuff and I'm crying a lot and I still keep crying. but like the reason is because that seems like something petty to break down over but like have an autoimmune disease called hashimoto's thyroiditis and along with that I also have hypothyroidism, osgood schlatter disease (which is a knee problem) and now a gluten intolerance and so when I first started getting sick back on February I lost my voice and then my body started hurting and like the bones hurt and it hurt to walk and stuff and like a month before I was going to the gym with my friend and stuff and l stopped because I got really sick and then I started going to bed at like 6 or 7pm and I had to do all of these test which stress me out because of all of the blood test it costs over 3,000 dollars and I feel bad for my parents but luckily we have insurance and so we have to pay 600 but still and that's only a small portion of all the blood tests and I still have more to go in like a week or 2 then i have to do more in July

And so I also think it would be so much easier for my parents if I was dead but then like I'm watching 13 Reasons Why season 2 and like from last year when I saw the last episode and when Hannah died and you saw how devastated the parents were and like I cant do that to my parents and brothers I just cant

Also another small and stupid reason for me is like maybe one day I'll meet Sebastian Stan or another idol or another one is maybe if like when I go to college because I plan on minoring in theater and drama maybe I can become a movie actress

these are all dumb and stupid but they help me keep going and like I just needed to talk about it and I feel better about writing it here and probably not a lot of people will read this and I don't even know if it makes sense tbh

#5sos #5secondsofsummer #5sosfam #5 seconds of summer #infinity war #avengers 4 #avengers #i love sebastian stan #sebastian stan #13 reasons why #depression #anxiety #i wanna die

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ppatibandla · 7 years

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My Quarter Life Crisis

Told in a Series of Saved Snapchats

In about four days from now, I’m going to turn 26, which made me think that this might be a great time to reflect on year 25 of my life.

And well, also because I’m going through a post new year slump. You know, the point of time when you realize that you’re not sticking to any of your resolutions, you’re still recovering from the holiday season and struggling to get back into the daily grind, blah blah blah.

Since my creativity and productivity are at an all-time low, I figured that maybe if I just write and reflect, it might help get the juices flowing in my brain again. And I obviously had to tell my story in the most stereotypically millennial way possible - illustrated by a series of Snapchats that I’d saved over the year! :D

Sooo, back to 25 - the milestone number, the axis of our twenties, the pinnacle of our youth *eye roll*- was it everything I’d hoped it would be? Absolutely freakin not! Why?

Well to start, I spent most of the first half of my 25th year, sick as a dog. I’m not sure what exactly happened but sometime in 2016, my immunity decided to go on a vacation.

Pretty sure I had brought it upon myself with my love for Indomie and Chunky Monkey (I’m sorry, mama!), but my body was suddenly no longer capable of fighting bad bugs on its own.

I was on antibiotics for various infections, eight different times in a span of fewer than six months. The amount and dosages I was prescribed caused absolute chaos in my body.

Two months into my 25th year, after a particularly high antibiotics course, my stomach was pretty upset (common antibiotic side effect). I waited for the effects to fade away, but they never did. One week in, three weeks in, one month in, two months in…...my stomach was still chronically upset. When I say “upset”, you’re probably visualizing explosive diarrhea but it wasn’t that. I could literally not eat any food without my stomach bloating, having immobilizing cramps and feeling extreme pressure and fullness.

Now, all of these symptoms might not seem like a big deal, but imagine if this is your constant state of being where you’re always aware of the discomfort in your stomach. Imagine if the only time you feel relief is when you wake up in the morning because your stomach is empty then. Imagine if anything you put in your mouth is accompanied by the anticipation and fear of feeling like crap for the rest of the day. This was my life for months.

The doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me, they said I probably had Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). Now those who are familiar with IBS will also know that it is basically a medical pseudonym for “we don’t know what the hell is wrong with your stomach”. I didn’t even know what the problem was in order to look for a solution! So to fix myself, I had to turn to the last place I wanted to for help - the internet.

When you look up a sickness on the internet, it can actually be really helpful or it can fill you with a crippling fear and conviction that you’re going to die. But I had no choice because my doctor had sent me home with this very wonderful, completely unhelpful advice:

“Well all your tests seem normal. Just wash your hands more and get more sleep so you don’t fall sick.”

*crickets*. This is what you went to med school for, lady? Thanks, much. >:-[

Also, everyone and their dog is a doctor on the internet. You have no clue who out there actually knows what they’re talking about and who is click-baiting you.

Norma here would have made a much better doctor!

After trudging through hundreds of websites, I began my experimentation with the different remedies that Dr. Internet prescribed, in the hopes that it would give me some relief.

I tried three-day juice cleanses (juice only diet) and water fasts. This is supposed to help reset your stomach by giving it a break from digesting food. I received temporary relief but the moment I started eating again, my discomfort would return.

I avoided foods known to cause intolerance for months like gluten, dairy, soy, eggs, caffeine etc.

On a side note, I never realized how difficult life is when you have to actively check for and avoid ingredients like gluten, which wipes out more than half the options available to consume. My utmost respect for people who have to do this on a regular basis!

But that wasn’t helpful either because my condition was seemingly random, not caused (though exacerbated) by any particular kind of food.

I tried more antibiotics (look up Xifaxan, you need to sell a kidney to even afford this medication) and a ton of herbal drugs. Seriously, while my peers were out spending their money on vacation and parties, I was spending all of mine on expensive herbs and probiotics which promised results, but sadly never delivered. The herbal stuff was especially scary because it’s not regulated by the FDA - I was gambling with trying to fix my problem at the cost of causing new problems for my body.

And of course, I also tried more obvious things like yoga, crying, praying and what not, all in a desperate attempt to fix myself. I was trying to go about my daily life and work with a semblance of normalcy but I felt anything but normal.

There I was at 25, prime of my youth, unable to consume food, taking fistfuls of pills every night and avoiding eating any actual food, just so I didn’t have to deal with the discomfort. I lost a bunch of weight and the stress took the biggest toll on me, making my condition even worse. As if all of this was not bad enough, various members of my immediate family were having serious health issues as well which was further upsetting me.

Finally, sick of my constant visits, the doctor recommended that I get an Upper Endoscopy - a procedure where they shove a camera down your throat to look inside your stomach to make sure you don’t have cancer or a tumor.

$800 and the awful experience of having a minor surgery all alone later, the doctor came back and told me the same thing - my tests were normal! He suggested getting some other tests done too and kept talking, but as I laid there in bed in my shitty hospital gown and listened to him talk, I totally had a dramatic, bollywoodesque moment. I felt the doctor’s voice fade into the background as I made up my mind that I was fine. I covered all my grounds, did all the tests, tired all the remedies which yielded no results. I decided right then and there that I was going to be fine, even if I wasn’t.

And I swear to God, it felt like a switch had flipped and my body started getting better overnight. That night for dinner, I said “screw this shit” and bought myself pizza - I was eating gluten and dairy after months! I went back to eating everything like normal and ignoring the familiar discomfort I felt in my stomach.

Hell yeah, I post food Snapchats! Judge away!

And just like that in the following weeks, I started feeling so much better. Am I absolutely cured today? Is this going to be a miracle recovery story? Sadly, nope.

I still have pretty bad days when I’m doubled over with pain and I still take many probiotics and supplements every night. IBS is a chronic condition with no cure, it can only be managed. I know that it could be worse and that I should be grateful - I am grateful. But IBS has definitely affected the quality of my life and I will probably never be able to fully go back to how I was before. But I have learned to live with it and it’s just another part of my life now.

These were just some of the herbs, probiotics, supplements, vitamins and prescription meds I took (and still take) over the past year :/

So there you go, adulthood hit me like a brick when I turned 25 by bringing on wonderful IBS and what’s more stereotypically a sign of age than GI issues? I brought this upon myself because of self-imposed stress. The moment I consciously stopped thinking about it, I gave my body the opportunity to restore itself, at least to a capacity where I was able to go about my daily life with relative ease.

None of the stress I was dealing with was particularly special, it’s stuff we all deal with - career, visa, money, family, friends, romance etc etc. But I let it get to me and it nearly destroyed the one thing that I actually can’t fix if broken - my health.

In addition to being chronic, IBS is also pretty common and affects many people in different forms. I am hoping that my overshare story is relatable to those who suffer from it and for those who don’t, please chill out and don’t mess yourself up over things that don’t really matter like I did. Pretty basic life lesson which we all know but conveniently ignore.

But year 25 was still pretty awesome - I made great new friends (and lost some) and got my H1B visa finally after 3.5 years. IBS definitely did not hold me back from going on many many many adventures.

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A Snapchat montage of all my adventures from year 25.

While I’m super excited for 26, I do feel the twinge of regret because like most people my age, I’m nowhere near what I thought I would be by now. But a big part of growing up is realizing that the world sucks, it’s not fair, there’re always going to be men with bad hair and no intelligence (read Trump) trying to control you and there ain’t nothing you can do about it. It’s all about accepting that success is defined differently for everyone, that you can’t change everything and being okay with that. It took me a totally avoidable physical and mental crisis to realize that. Here’s me hoping that your journey to self actualization is smoother!

P.S Before you click through and start reading my older blog posts, please note that everything before this was from when I was younger, dumber and not nearly as woke.

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vodkacheesefries · 7 years

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Rules! I guess I gotta answer these questions and tag some people. It wants me to tag 20 people but fuck that noise.

@ilovedyoubananakin tagged me to do a thing so imma do the thing

1. Nicknames: Slam, Rach, Rachie, Roo

2. Gender: I’m a cis!lady

3. Star sign: Aquarius

4. Height: 5′5″

5. Time: 9:58 PM

6. Birthday: January 25th, 1991

7. Favorite bands: Dashboard Confessional, Tegan and Sara, Weezer, The Antlers, The Arcade Fire, Imagine Dragons, The Beatles, The Lumineers, Of Monsters and Men, aaaaaaaaaaaand The Avett Brothers

8. Favorite solo artists: Panic!at the Disco, Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness, Hayley Kiyoko, Nicki Minaj, Dolly Parton, Kesha, Janelle Monae, Fiona Apple, and Regina Spektor

9. Song stuck in my head: The Chain by Ingrid Michaelson

10. Last movie I watched: Justice League. Wait no, it was a Hallmark Christmas Movie called...”My Christmas Gift.” I think. They’re all the same after a while anyway.

11. Last show I watched: Buzzfeed Unsolved: Supernatural

12. When did I create my blog: Uuuh...whenever my legal issues involving my other blog were over. It’s been a couple years, I don’t remember.

13. What do I post: Pretty much everything! A lot of Destiny, Overwatch, D&D, funny stuff, music, Dragon Age, Mass Effect, aaand a lot of pretty ladies I cry over because I’m gay AF

14. Last thing I googled: “Caroline Slotte ceramics”

15. Do I have any other blogs: I DO. @never-had-an-animephase. It’s not hella active, but I’ll watch some anime and post about it over the Thanksgiving break and the semester break.

16. Do I get asks: NO. I have almost 400 followers and yall never talk to me.

17. Why I chose my url: because @alistairswaifu told me tooooo

18. Following: 317

19. Followers: 380

20. Average hours of sleep: Not enough

21. Lucky number: 1954

22. Instruments: Cello, banjo, harmonica.

23. What I’m wearing: Poke ball pajama pants and an SLC Google Fiber shirt from when I volunteered at SLC Pride with them.

24. Dream job: Comic book artist/author

25. Dream trip: Paris! I want to go to the Louvre so bad.

26. Favorite food: Hmmm that’s a hard one. I’ve recently been diagnosed with a lactose allergy and a gluten intolerance so I’ve had to really adjust my eating habits and I can’t eat my favorite foods anymore. But I’ve really grown to love street tacos because if you leave off the cheese and use corn tortillas I can eat those.

27. Nationality: Unfortunately I am very much American.

28: Favorite song right now: We Fight by Dashboard Confessional

29. Last book I read: Jesus, I don’t even remember. I haven’t been much of a reader since I started school again.

30. Top three fictional universes: Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and Dragon Age.

Aaand I tag @alistairswaifu, @blondepomeranian, @cantfakethecake, @beammetothemoon, @steamykins, @choko-kun aaaand you don’t have to if you don’t want to. I just feel weird not tagging anyone.

(If I didn’t tag you and you want to do this/you’re bored, still tag me in your answers so I can see it!)

#me

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paleorecipecookbook · 7 years

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RHR: A Three-Step Plan to Fix Conventional Healthcare

In this episode we discuss:

The patient case that inspired the book

Who is this book for?

The mismatch between our medical paradigm and chronic disease

Drug companies and conflicts of interest

How clinicians can help create a new paradigm

The three core problems and how to solve them

What this new paradigm looks like

How do we pay for this? Is it scalable?

How allied providers are the key

Show notes:

Unconventional Medicine by Chris Kresser

Special offer for RHR podcast listeners - get the audiobook free if you buy the book by November 12th.

NaturalForce.com - use coupon “unconventional” and get $10 plus free shipping

[smart_track_player url="http://ift.tt/2yiM0Yd" title="A Three-Step Plan to Fix Conventional Healthcare" artist="Chris Kresser" ]

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Chris Kresser: Hey, everybody, Chris Kresser here. Welcome to another episode of Revolution Health Radio. Today we’re going to do something a little different. I am bringing on a guest host, Tony Federico, he’s the VP of marketing for Natural Force Nutrition, a physiology editor for the Journal of Evolution and Health, and a longtime contributor to Paleo Magazine, and also at Paleo f(x), which is where I met Tony, I think, originally, and I have interacted with him the most. And he’s moderated several panels that I’ve been on and I’ve always been impressed with the way he’s done that, the intelligent questions that he asks and just his balanced perspective on ancestral health and Functional Medicine, and this movement overall. Today is the day that my new book, Unconventional Medicine, comes out. It’s now available on Amazon, and I wanted to ask Tony to come take over the podcast and talk with me about the book because I know he’s really interested in all these topics and he’s read quite a bit of the book himself, and I thought it would be more interesting to have a conversation about it than for me to just sit here and do a monologue. So Tony welcome to the show and thanks for being here. Tony Federico: Yeah, thanks for inviting me on, Chris. It’s always fun, when we’ve had the chance to chat, as you said. Whether in person or on podcast, I’m always happy to jump in and dish on health with you. Chris: Fantastic. So, you have read a little bit of the book and we chatted a little bit about it via email, so let’s dive in. Let’s talk a little bit about this book. And for me it was really, it felt like the most important next step that I could take in order to get this message out about ending chronic disease. Tony: Yeah, I got my copy of Unconventional Medicine a couple days ago. I just so happened to have some time off yesterday, and the next thing I knew I was 80 pages in. Chris: Nice. Tony: So, I have to say that, as somebody who’s been in the trenches, I worked as a personal trainer for 10 years, I could really relate to a lot of the things that you were saying in the book, and we’ll get into why a little bit later on in the interview. But you know I just am really impressed with what you put together here, Chris. So let's just, let's get into it, and the first thing that I actually wanted you to maybe tell me a little bit about was how you open the book, which I think is a really great story about a patient named Leo. So I wanted to talk a little bit about Leo and his story and kind of how that inspired you to go down this particular path of unconventional medicine.

The patient case that inspired the book

Chris: Sure, yeah. So, Leo was an eight-year-old boy that I treated in my clinic a few years back, and I wanted to start with his story because it's, unfortunately, a typical story, much more common than, of course, we would like. And it was powerful for me, it was a powerful experience. It's what actually led to me writing this book. So, like way too many other kids of his age, he was suffering from a number of behavioral issues. He was initially diagnosed on the autism spectrum. Eventually they settled on OCD and sensory processing disorder. He would throw these just crazy tantrums where he'd end up crying or screaming inconsolably, writhing on the floor, and this would happen for seemingly the simplest of reasons. Like trying to get his shoes tied as they were going out the door, not cutting the crust off his sandwich in just the right way or getting a stain on his favorite T-shirt. And he was really rigid around his behavior and its environment, everything had to be just right, just the way he wanted it to be, or else he would fly off the handle.

Is a new healthcare paradigm affordable? Scalable? You bet.

His diet was extremely limited, he only ate a handful of foods, pretty much all of which were processed and refined. So crackers, bread, toaster waffles, that sort of thing, and this is part of the kind of OCD-like tendencies. And any time his parents would try to introduce new food, he would go totally ballistic. And they were worried about nutrient deficiency, but they didn't feel like they ... they were just worn down. Any parent who has a kid like this will understand that. It's just they didn’t feel like they had the resources to battle him at every meal. And they took him to a bunch of doctors locally, and that’s where they got those diagnoses. Initially they were kind of relieved to have those, but then after a while they realized that they were just simply labels for symptoms. And when they asked what the treatment was, you can probably guess the answer: medication. Tony: Something to do with drugs. Chris: Something to do with drugs. Yeah. And when they asked how long he would be on that treatment, you can probably also guess the answer. Tony: The rest of your life. Chris: Yeah. Shrug of the shoulders, indefinitely, maybe he'll grow out of it, that sort of thing. And they weren't excited about the idea of of medicating their son, but they were also aware of how much he was suffering, and they were suffering, frankly, too. They decided to give them a try, starting with Adderall, and then they progressed to Ritalin and then antidepressants. And certainly the drugs did seem to help with at least some of the symptoms, but there were a couple issues. Number one, they also caused some very intractable side effects like headache, abdominal pain, irritability, and most significantly, severe sleep disruption. And they had a couple of other kids that were younger than Leo. So they were not happy about the sleep disruption. Nobody was because it was brutal for them and also brutal for Leo. Kids need a lot of sleep, and if they’re waking up throughout the night, that’s going to make ... So that was in some ways worse than the original symptoms they were trying to treat. And then Leo's mom had done quite a bit of research on the effects of these medications and she was scared. Particularly for children and adolescents, some of these drugs have some pretty scary side effects and long-term risks. So what really stood out to me, and I mentioned this in the book, is that not once during this entire process of seeing all these different doctors, primary care provider, psychiatrist, eventually behavioral disorder specialists, did anybody even hint at the possibility that something in Leo's diet or some other underlying issue like a gut problem or nutrient deficiency or heavy metal toxicity or something like that could be contributing to his symptoms. It wasn't even broached as a possibility at any time. Fortunately, Leo's mom, one of her friends followed my work and sent her a couple of articles from my blog. One was on the gut–brain–axis, and I think the other one was on the underlying root causes of behavioral disorders. And so that's what led them to bring Leo to see me, and long story short, we were able to ... we did a bunch of testing, found issues that you might guess at. So, disrupted gut microbiome, SIBO, fungal overgrowth, gluten intolerance, but also intolerance of soy and corn and rice and buckwheat, which were major ingredients in a lot of the processed and refined food products that he ate, and arsenic toxicity because rice milk was the only other beverage he would drink aside from water. And we know that rice products can be high in arsenic. So, we, over several months, it definitely wasn't easy to address these problems because of his OCD-like tendencies and his picky eating habits. But after several months he was like a different kid. His teacher even called home and was like, “What have you done with Leo and who’s this kid that you’re sending in?” Because it was a big issue for her. They often had to come to school and pick him up early because of the behavioral problems. And his diet expanded; he was eating foods he would've thrown against the wall just months before, he was more tolerant of disorder, more relaxed in his environment. They were able to travel for the first time in a long time because he wasn't so anxious in unfamiliar environments. His physical symptoms had improved significantly. So they were just over the moon. They couldn't believe it, and toward the end of our treatment together, she said something that really struck me, which was there’s so many kids out there that are like Leo and they’re suffering, they’re not finding help in the conventional system. Tony: Sure. Chris: And their doctors and parents are not even thinking about this stuff. Like it’s not even in most people’s consciousness that if a kid has a behavioral disorder that you should look at these physiological issues. It’s not, for 99 percent of people they don't even go there because they don't know. Tony: Yeah, I mean I think that that was—reading about Leo and reading about a story and certainly there's people that I've known, myself included, who have had very similar experiences—I think it's great to have a narrative like this that you can really connect to because then when you tease it apart, all the pieces really make sense. It makes sense why having doctors treat symptoms has failed, it makes sense why a lack of communication between the health provider network that was supposed to be serving Leo failed. It makes sense why it didn't work when you actually start to tease it out. But then we’re still all, well not all, but most of us are still going down this path and it's an exercise in futility, really. You have an eight-year-old kid who's on powerful stimulant medications, he’s on antidepressants, and it was bad enough for his parents to reach out and to seek those interventions as solutions, and then the side effects are even worse. And that’s just something that just gets you right in the heart. And like you said, he’s not the only one, he’s not the only kid. His parents are not the only parents. And frankly, his doctors are not the only doctors because I can guarantee you that that probably doesn’t really feel good for the practitioner, for the healthcare provider to not get results as well. And they’re working with what they’ve got. Chris: Absolutely. Tony: And trying to use the tools they have. Chris: Yeah, I mean, let’s be clear about this. Everybody is doing the best they can in this situation. The parents are doing the best they can, in the vast majority of situations, parents just love their kids and do everything possible that they can to help their kids thrive. I’m a parent, I know that that’s how I relate to my kid. I know that every parent I know, that’s how they relate to their kids. And I would even, I would say that’s true for doctors too. The vast majority of them are trying to do the best they can with the tools that they have and in the system that they’re working within. And that’s the rub. Tony: Right. Chris: It’s like most doctors I’ve seen have been caring and they’ve wanted to do the right thing, but the question is, can they do the right thing in the conventional medical system as it exists today? And, of course, that’s largely what the book is about.

Who is this book for?

Tony: Yeah, so let’s kind of speak to that specifically. And we’re talking about doctors, we’re talking about medical professionals, we’re talking about patients, and then we didn’t mention it, but where I fit into this formula or potential formula as an allied healthcare provider, as a personal trainer/health coach, is that your audience for this book, do you really see that kind of triad is who you're speaking to here? Chris: Yeah, definitely. I think if you look at the cover of the book, the subtitle is “join the revolution to reverse chronic disease, reinvent healthcare, and create a practice you love.” So that last bit would suggest that it's mostly for practitioners, but that's not true. It is really for anybody that is interested in the ideas of reinventing healthcare and reversing chronic disease. And, in fact, I would argue that that change is going to be initiated by people, primarily by people that are not practitioners. So it's like a grassroots, bottom-up approach, where a good example is with my training program, my ADAPT training program, now that we've been training practitioners in this approach for the last couple years, we always ask people how they learned about my work or how they learned about the training program. And in a surprising number of cases, the answer is from their patients. So these doctors or other practitioners, their patient brings an article in that I wrote or brings something in, tells them about me, and to their credit they’re open-minded enough to go and check it out. And then they like what they see and they end up taking the next step. So people even who have no intention of ever becoming a healthcare practitioner, I think would really benefit from this book if they're interested in these ideas. And then certainly, as you mentioned, licensed healthcare providers like medical doctors or nurse practitioners or physician assistants that are currently working within the conventional paradigm but have already seen its limitations and want to do something different but don't yet know what that might look like. And then people who are outside of the conventional paradigm but are already practitioners, so acupuncturists, chiropractors, naturopathic physicians, etc., in many cases they’re already well aware of the limitations of conventional medicine, which is why they chose to go down a different path. But speaking personally as an acupuncturist myself, I also saw some limitations in the traditional Chinese medicine approach, or at least some differences in the way that I wanted to practice it. I was looking for something that could incorporate modern diagnostic testing and create a more systematic approach that included ancestral diet and lifestyle and some of the other things we talk about in the book. So, I think many of those practitioners can benefit from the book from that perspective. And then you have the growing and already large number of people like yourself who are personal trainers, health coaches, nutritionists, etc., who I really think are going to play an increasingly important role in this revolution to reinvent healthcare. Tony: Yeah, it so important now for people to really, for patients to be their own advocate, and I don't think we’re living in a time where I remember with my grandparents—if your doctor said something, it was basically gospel and you didn’t question it and you didn't think about it. Now, the first thing people do when they experience a symptom, it's Dr. Google first. So it's super important to equip and arm patients with good information, which I think this book does. Here's a path, here's a path forward for you as a patient. But then it's respectful of the role of doctors, and you highlight many situations where conventional medicine is great. If you break your arm or get in a car accident or have a heart attack or whatever the case may be, yeah, you need a doctor, and you need to go to an emergency room and you need those types of interventions. But it's really in this kind of gray area, it’s really not gray, it’s actually quite clear. And we could probably specify a little bit more, but there’s this middle zone where somebody’s not acutely injured, they’re not acutely in a disease state. They’re in a chronic disease state, or they’re just unwell. And it’s hard for a system that is all about pharmacological interventions, surgical interventions, to deal with a more subtle approach. And that’s where that whole middle ground and acupuncturists and massage therapists and everybody who's in that middle zone. I had clients constantly when I was actively training, constantly asking me questions where I was like, you know what? This is really something they maybe should be taking to their doctor. But guess what? The doctor only has 15 minutes under pressure to see as many patients as they can. I had a friend who was a physician in France. And he was telling me about their medical model, and he would spend tons of time with his patients. And it was actually incentivized for prevention. And here we see some maybe misplaced incentives, and perhaps you can speak a little bit more about that.

The mismatch between our medical paradigm and chronic disease

Chris: Yeah, so, going back to your original comments, I think that the most important thing for people to understand is that our medical model, when it comes to our medical paradigm, is that it evolved during a time when acute problems were the biggest issues. So in 1900, the top three causes of death were all infectious diseases, tuberculosis, typhoid, and pneumonia. And the other reasons people would see the doctor were among those you mentioned, like a broken bone or a gallbladder attack or appendicitis. Tony: War. Chris: Right, injuries, trauma, etc. And so the treatment for that's pretty straightforward. It wasn't always successful, of course, but it was straightforward. You know, if the bone was broken, you set it in a cast. If the gallbladder was swelling, you would take it out. If someone was having appendicitis, you’d remove the appendix. So that's pretty ... it's one problem, one doctor, one treatment. Pretty straightforward. But you fast-forward to today, it's a totally different healthcare landscape. Seven of the top 10 causes of death are chronic disease rather than acute problems now, and 86 percent of the healthcare dollars we spend go toward treating chronic disease. And unlike acute problems, chronic diseases are expensive, difficult to manage and usually last for a lifetime. They don't lend themselves to that one doctor, one problem, one treatment kind of approach. The average chronic disease patient requires multiple doctors, usually one for every different part of the body in our system, and is taking ... Tony: Specialists. Chris: Right, specialists, they’re taking multiple medications in many cases, and they're going to be taking those medications for the rest of their life. So far, it's really, our conventional medical system is amazing for these acute problems. But it's the wrong tool for the job for chronic problems. So that's one issue, and it’s really important to point that out, because we just went through the whole healthcare debate again with the Affordable Care Act and the current administration’s proposal for a replacement, which has not come to fruition. But throughout that entire discussion, it really bothered me that there was an elephant in the room. All the discussion was around insurance. Like, who gets insurance and who doesn’t. And that’s important, it’s important to talk about that. But we have to recognize that health insurance is not the same thing as healthcare. Tony: Yeah. Chris: Health insurance is a method of paying for healthcare. And that’s really crucial to get that difference. Because my argument in the book is that there is no method of paying for healthcare, whether it’s the government, corporations, or individuals, that will be adequate and will be sustainable under the pressure of growing prevalence of chronic disease. It will bankrupt all of us. Government, the corporations, individuals, whoever is responsible for paying for the care will not be able to do it unless we can actually prevent and reverse chronic disease instead of just slapping Band-Aids on it. Tony: I think the analogy you gave in the book was rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. “Making a few small tweaks to our current system and expecting that to work is like rearranging the deck furniture on the Titanic as it inexorably sinks into the ocean. Too little, too late.” Chris: Yeah, exactly. That’s the argument about insurance. As the whole ship goes under, sinks under. The other problems you mentioned are very real also. So we have a misalignment of incentives, like the insurance industry, for example, doesn't benefit when the cost of care shrinks because they only make more money when the overall expenditures rise. So it's actually not in their best interest necessarily to seek out the most cost-effective solutions.

Drug companies and conflicts of interest

Chris: And then of course, we have drug companies. People are pretty well aware of the conflicts of interest there. It’s in their interest to sell drugs, and even when that’s not in the interests of the general public or the patients or the doctors. In many cases, it’s not in their interest either. So the best example of this is a recent one. We’re in the midst of an opioid crisis, the worst we’ve ever seen by far, and the DEA has been wanting to create new regulations that restrict a pharmacy’s ability to sell opioids in ways that will protect people. So, for example, there was a pharmacy in West Virginia in a town that was tiny. It had like 30,000 people in this town, and they had ordered something like nine million opioid pills in the last year. It was clearly a front, like there’s clearly something shady going on there. There's no way that 30,000 people in that town needed nine million opioid pills, and yet there are no regulations to actually prevent that from happening. And so, the DEA had proposed some regulations to just safely protect people from that kind of thing. And the Big Pharma lobby basically shut that down and they played a big role in writing a law that limits the DEA's ability to do that kind of regulation in the midst of the worse opioid crisis ever. And to put this in perspective, we hear a lot about the gun lobbies and their control. They spend about $10.5 million lobbying Congress, I think, per year. And Big Pharma, they spent $250 million. Tony: Wow. Chris: Twenty-five-fold higher. Tony: It's really tragic. I actually, I don’t think we’ve ever talked about this, but I grew up in South Florida, which was kind of ground zero for the opioid epidemic. And I remember in high school down in Miami and West Palm Beach, and kids would get a hold of a contact or whatever, somebody that had a prescription and basically would end up being a de facto drug dealer vis-à-vis a pill mill, etc. The kid across the street from me died, multiple kids in my high school died, multiple kids went into in-treatment programs, some of them battled addictions for decades. Some of them got out of it. Very few got out of it. Some of them didn't and have continued to be plagued with either switching from pharmaceuticals to street drugs like heroin, etc., and then we can see what's happening there. And that's just one example. If we look at drug consumption in the United States, is it that Americans are just that much sicker and we’re in that much more pain than people in other countries? Because we’re consuming far and away more painkillers than any other country on the planet. And I would venture to guess that you could say the same about antidepressants or ADD medication. It's very much a case of misaligned incentives. And incentives are working in the sense of the pharmaceutical companies are doing very well. Chris: Yeah. Who are they working for is the question. Tony: Exactly. Chris: We’re the only country aside from New Zealand that allows direct-to-consumer drug advertising, and I think that's a big part of the problem. But it's not just Big Pharma. We also have conflicts in medical research that, of course, are related to Big Pharma because they pay for two-thirds of all medical research. We have broken payment models, where there's no real incentive or reward for good performance, and in fact, you could argue it's the other way around because doctors are compensated for, usually based on the number of procedures they order and the number of patients they see. So to your point about the doctor in France who is actually incentivized to prevent, rather than just treat disease, we don't have that at all, it's the opposite. And so there are a lot of deeply entrenched issues that we certainly need to address, and that's not essentially what this book is about. There are other books that cover that material really well, and frankly many of those issues are outside of our individual control as clinicians or practitioners.

How clinicians can help create a new paradigm

Chris: We can work toward addressing them, and I think we should, but the good news is that I think that the bigger changes that we need to focus on individually and collectively are addressing the medical paradigm which we’ve talked about, creating a medical paradigm that’s better suited to tackle chronic disease. Addressing the mismatch between our modern diet and lifestyle, and our genes and our biology, which we've, of course, talked a lot about on the show before. And then creating a new way of delivering healthcare that actually supports this new medical paradigm and this more preventative approach. Because those things are all within our control as clinicians. Tony: Yeah. I like how you posed the question, and it was kind of a cool little, I think it was, not Hiroshi, but the person who is in charge of cooking at a Buddhist monastery. And basically a young monk comes up to this older man. He’s like, why are you doing the grunt work, basically washing rice out in the courtyard? And he says, it was like, what was it? “If not me, who? And if not now, when?” And I think that that’s really kind of the core of setting all this stuff up. Talking about the problem is really in the service of pivoting to the solution, and I’m a big believer in thinking globally, thinking big, but acting locally, hyper-locally, like yourself. Chris: Yeah. Tony: And then the people around you and who you can touch and impact. That’s ultimately where the power comes from. So let’s talk about that. What is in people’s power. And you started to describe some of those pillars of a new model. And you describe it as the ADAPT framework. And I don’t know how much you get into this on your regular podcast episodes, but to just kind of lay it out, ADAPT from a big-picture perspective. How does that actually address some of these systemic issues from an individually empowered stance? Chris: Yeah, great question, and before I even go into that, I just want to say I agree that I think the change is going to happen on different levels. So, because a lot ... we’ve talked about this stuff at conferences or even some people who’ve already read the book. They say, oh, this is fantastic. I’m so excited. But how are we going to deal with Big Pharma and the insurance industry and these misaligned incentives and all of that? And can we ever deal with that? The answer is we’re not going to deal with that overnight and it’s going to take a while to unwind those things. Tony: It’s the chronic disease, is what you call... Chris: Exactly, exactly. And I use that analogy in the book. But the good news is that changes can happen very quickly on an individual and local level. And there’s already a lot of evidence of that happening. So my own clinic, CCFM, tripled in size in the last three years alone. We have Cleveland Clinic Center for Functional Medicine, launched by Dr. Mark Hyman, has just blown up like crazy. I mean they started in this tiny space. Now their 17,000-square-foot space, it takes up the whole second floor of the Glickman Tower at Cleveland Clinic. They've got a waitlist of 2,500 patients from nine countries around the world. This is really exciting! The Cleveland Clinic is always on the forefront of the newest trends in medicine, and the fact that they've invested that much money in this speaks volumes. Then we have groups like Iora Health, an organization based in the Rocky Mountain area that’s reversing diabetes using health coaches. So there are lots of really interesting produced concepts, and there's going to be more and more of these. Like we’re doing a pilot program with the Berkeley Fire Department where we’re working with their new recruits to help, we’re implementing a wellness program. Tony: That’s awesome. Chris: To reduce injuries and help with recovery and optimize their performance. And if that goes well, there’s been interest from the wider fire department and in the city of Berkeley as a whole. Robb Wolf’s done some incredible work with Reno that we’ve talked about before. So I think the change is going to happen more quickly on this local grassroots level, and then that's going to start to get the attention of people on a state and federal level. And then it will start to get really interesting.

The three core problems and how to solve them

To answer your question, in my book I basically lay out three core fundamental problems with the healthcare system in the US. And these, I argue, go even deeper than the misaligned incentives and Big Pharma and all of that stuff, although they’re, of course, connected. The first is that there is a profound mismatch between our genes and our biology and our modern diet and lifestyle. And I'm not going to say more about that now because almost everyone listening to this podcast knows exactly what I mean. The second problem is the mismatch between our medical paradigm and chronic disease, which we just talked about. We need a new medical paradigm that is better suited for chronic disease. And then the third is that the way we deliver care in this country is also, it's not set up to support the most important interventions. And we’ve touched on that too, where the average visit with the primary care provider is just actually eight to 12 minutes. Tony, you were talking about 15 minutes. That’s luxurious in our current model. The average amount of time a patient gets to speak before they’re interrupted by the doctor is 12 seconds. Tony: Wow. Chris: So I think it’s pretty clear that if a patient has multiple chronic diseases, which one in four Americans now do, one in two has one chronic disease, and they show up to the doctor’s office and they're on multiple medications, and they had been presenting with a whole set of new symptoms, there’s absolutely no way to provide high-quality care in a 10-minute visit. So we have to change our, not only the paradigm, but also the way that care is delivered. So that was my premise. So it follows then that my solution would address, I would hope at least those three points, right? Each of those three deficiencies. So the ADAPT framework combines an ancestral diet and lifestyle, which addresses that mismatch between our genes and biology in our modern diet and lifestyle. And then Functional Medicine is the new paradigm of medicine that is based on addressing the root cause of health problems, so we can prevent and reverse them instead of just suppressing symptoms. And then the third component is what I call a collaborative practice model, which links licensed providers like medical doctors, nurse practitioners, with what I call allied providers, which include folks like yourself, Tony, health coaches, nutritionists, personal trainers, etc., to provide a much, much higher level of care than what doctors are able to provide on their own. So, again, we're not trying to replace doctors in any, or even conventional medicine. We need people to do colonoscopies and remove cancerous tumors and use all of the incredible amount of training and expertise and skill that they’ve acquired over a lifetime of practice and study. We absolutely want that, but we need to add stuff to that that's not available now. Tony: What that really says to me is, emphasize the importance of community, of connection, of collaboration. We’re social creatures, we’re tribal by nature. That’s another kind of Paleo/ancestral health part of the puzzle. And it would be foolish to think that we can dissect out and silo out all these different aspects of our lives without consequence. I really like this idea of bringing everybody into the fold, and it’s not saying that you can go to just the naturopath, or you can go to just the health coach. Because like I mentioned already, I certainly would’ve been ill-equipped to handle plenty of issues that a client would’ve brought to mind or brought up in conversation during a training session. But it would’ve been really great to say, ah, here's the Functional Medicine practitioner that I recommend you speak with, and to have a good relationship with that person and to be able to, as a health coach, help my clients better by getting them in touch with the right person. And that’s having this network that can really support people throughout their health journey whether it’s just feeling better and more energy, or addressing something like diabetes or hypertension. Which certainly there’s a place for all the players in that kind of scenario.

What this new paradigm looks like

Chris: Absolutely. And let’s use an example just to bring this to life for people. So, imagine you go to the doctor and they do some blood testing for your annual physical. And they find that your fasting blood sugar is 96 or 97. Your hemoglobin A1c is 5.5, and you’ve got triglycerides that are 110, 120, maybe 130. Currently, what would happen is nothing, usually. Tony: You’re not sick enough yet. Chris: Yeah, all of your markers are within the lab range, they say, and that means you’re normal, and so you might get some vague advice about make sure to exercise and follow a good diet. And thank you very much, that’s it. Certainly there are exceptions to the rule, of course. There’s some practitioners who can get a lot more proactive about that. But I can’t tell you how many people, patients I’ve had that have been given that basic line with those kinds of lab results. What could happen is this. The doctor says, “Well, you know, if we think of blood sugar disorders on a spectrum, on the left you’ve got perfect blood sugar. On the right you’ve got full-fledged type 2 diabetes. You’re not on the right yet, you don’t have type 2 diabetes or even technically prediabetes, but you’re progressing along that spectrum. And what we know from a lot of research is that if we don’t intervene now, that you’re going to continue progressing. And in fact, we have studies that show that the average patient who has prediabetes, will progress to full-fledged type 2 diabetes in just five years if it’s not addressed.” So what we want to do is be proactive here. We want to intervene now because it’s much easier to prevent a disease before it occurs than it is to treat it after it’s already occurred. So here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to set you up with our staff health coach, and they’re going to give you all the support you need to adopt a better diet. They’re actually even going to take you shopping, they’re going to come to your house and clean out your pantry with you, and they're going to give you recipes and meal plans and give you ... totally hold your hand and do everything that they need to to get you on this diet. Because we know that information is not enough. We’ve got lots of studies. I can tell you as a doctor, go eat a healthy diet, and hey, we know that that’s probably not going to happen. Most people know what they should be doing, but they’re not doing it, and it’s not because of lack of information. It’s because they need support, and we’re here to support you. We’ve got this health coach. Furthermore, we've got this great personal trainer named Tony. We’re going to set you up with him and we’re also going to set you up with a gym membership. And the good news is, your insurance is going to pay for all this. They’re going to pay for the health coach, they’re going to pay for the gym membership, they’re going to pay for your sessions with Tony. And in six months’ time, you’re going to come back here and we’re going to retest your blood markers and I can almost guarantee that if you stick with the program, you’re going to have normal blood sugar by that time. And throughout that period you’re going to have weekly check-ins with a health coach, you’re going to have training sessions. And not only will your blood sugar be normal, you’re going to lose weight, your energy levels are going to go up, your sleep’s going to get better, you’re going to feel more confident and empowered because you’re making these changes, and you’re going to feel like a different person. Now that’s totally possible.

How do we pay for this? Is it scalable?

Chris: I can hear some people saying, “Oh, how are we going to pay for that? That’s ridiculous.” Tony: Is it scalable? Chris: The question we should be asking is, is treating type 2 diabetes scalable? Because I mentioned this in the book, it costs $14,000 a year to treat a single patient with type 2 diabetes. So let’s imagine that this patient progresses. We don’t intervene, five years later they have type 2 diabetes. All of a sudden the healthcare system is spending $14,000 a year paying for that person’s care. And let’s say that that person gets diagnosed at age 40, which is still reasonable these days. The age of diagnosis is dropping more and more, and then let’s say that they live until they’re 85 years old, which is also possible because of our heroic medical interventions that keep people alive a lot longer than they might have been otherwise. So 45 years living with type 2 diabetes, that’s a cost of almost $650,000 for one patient to the healthcare system. Tony: And that doesn’t even touch on the lost wages, cost to employers, when someone’s on leave, loss of productivity. And then the cost to the family members. Chris: Absolutely. Tony: People that are actually, are helping the patient, their health is going to be going down too. Chris: Yeah. Nor does it touch on the qualitative aspects. Being immobilized, not being able to play with your grandkids, all of that stuff. But let’s just even forget about that for a second—$650,000, okay? And then the CDC recently came out with statistics saying that 100 million Americans have either prediabetes or diabetes, and 88 percent of people with prediabetes don’t even know that they have it. Which means they're almost certainly going to progress, right? If you do the math and you multiply 100 million people times even $14,000 for one year, you get a number that’s so large, I don’t even know what it is. It’s like a google something. It’s like, it has so many zeros after it, I don’t even know how to characterize it. But then if you multiply 100 million times like 20 or 30 years, it’s more money than there is in the world. It's like it's not going to happen. Tony: Not sustainable, not scalable. Chris: Not sustainable, not scalable. So let’s say in our example that we ... the healthcare system spends $10,000, which is way more than would be necessary, but let’s even say we buy the person’s groceries for three months. And their gym membership and their trainer, and their health coach, and those weekly, let’s say we spend $10,000. We’re just super generous and we spend $10,000 for that six-month period. Again, the research and my clinical experience indicates with near certainty that if the person is at that stage of not even prediabetic and we intervene, there’s like almost no chance that it’s not going to, we’re not going to be able to normalize that person’s blood sugar. And if they do that and they stick with it and they are able to do that because they now have support rather than just information, we’ve just saved the healthcare system $640,000 over the course of that patient’s lifetime. And that’s a conservative estimate, as you say. We're not including even the indirect costs. Tony: Right, right. Chris: I think that this is not only possible, it's going to become necessary. And whether we get there with a proactive approach where we decide to move in this direction and we make these changes or whether we get there because we absolutely have no choice, we’re going to get there. Tony: Yeah. I mean it really sounds like we can’t afford to not do this. Chris: Exactly. Tony: And if we get to that point where we continue down the reactive path and we wait until there’s a total collapse, it might be too late, just to put it frankly. And it’s going to come out at a huge, not just financial cost, a huge human cost. Chris: Yeah, it’s going to be, we can use the chronic disease metaphor again, it’s a lot easier to prevent a problem or reverse it at an earlier stage than it is to wait until the patient is essentially on life support or the healthcare system is on life support. It’s harder to reverse it at that time. And that’s of course why I’m writing the book now because I want to get this message out as far and wide as I can. Tony: Yeah. If not now, when? If not you, who? Go right back to there.

How allied providers are the key

Chris: Exactly. And one more thing about that is the amazing thing, the beauty of this is that it takes about eight years and hundreds of thousands of dollars to train a doctor. And it takes a certain kind of personality and a certain kind of comfort level with science, and a lot of prerequisites. It’s not for everybody. And there’s a ... already we have a shortage of doctors, and that’s predicted to get worse. I’ve seen estimates that suggest by 2025 we’ll have a shortage of 52,000 primary care physicians. So that’s a big deal. [insert image] So we already don’t have enough doctors, it’s already going to get worse, but if you think of healthcare as like a ... I have something in the book called the healthcare population pyramid. And you were referring to it earlier, Tony, where at the very top of that pyramid you’ve got 5 percent of people who are in really acute situations. So they’re in the hospital or they’re in an intensive outpatient care setting. They need the conventional medicine paradigm as it exists, and it’s fantastic for those situations. Then you’ve got another 25 percent of people in that kind of high middle of the pyramid who are dealing with some pretty serious chronic health challenges. So they require more regular care, but they’re not sick enough to be in the hospital or in any kind of ... they’re living their lives, but they’re struggling a lot. A Functional Medicine practitioner/clinician usually working in concert possibly with the conventional specialist of some kind is a really great option for that 25 percent of the pyramid. But then you’ve got the 70 percent at the bottom. So these are people who do, may have health issues, but they’re more minor, so they might have skin problems, or a little bit of brain fog, some difficulties sleeping, some GI issues. And these can be definitely debilitating and total pain, but they’re not at the level of that 25 percent. My argument is that in many cases these people could be very well served by a health coach or nutritionist with good training. And possibly seeing a Functional Medicine provider once or twice a year, or something like that. And the thing is, we can train people in a year or two without an extensive science background to be very, very objective in this role. Because they’re mostly working with patients on changing their behavior. If you think about it, most of the risk factors for chronic disease come down to the wrong behaviors. Eating the wrong diet, not getting enough sleep, not exercising, or exercising too much, or any number of things that come down to choices that we’re making. And so if a skilled health coach who’s trained in things like motivational interviewing and coaching to strengths and other evidence-based principles of facilitating behavior change which we have a ton of research on, they can be incredibly effective for that 70 percent of the population. That's the majority of the population. So we’re totally underutilizing these practitioners, and my argument is that they’re going to play a huge role in this future of medicine. And that's of course one reason why we're launching an ADAPT Health Coach Training Program next year to complement the practitioner training program that we've been doing. Because I want to create this ecosystem we've been talking about where you have all of these different types of practitioners working to the maximum of their training and ability and scope of practice and supporting each other and therefore providing the highest level of care to patients. Tony: That certainly kind of perks my ears up hearing about the ADAPT health coach option and something that I’m personally interested in. So who knows? Maybe I can get in on that. We can talk about it again in the future. Chris: Yeah, for sure. For sure. Tony: So, for this particular book, for Unconventional Medicine, people are fired up, they’re hearing about it, they’re like, “Okay, this resonates with me. I’m a practitioner, I’m an allied health provider, I’m a patient, I’m ready. Now’s the time. This is it. We’re going to do this.” What’s the best way for people to get their hands on this thing? Chris: Well not surprisingly, Amazon. They have the best way to get your hands on anything. So it’s available in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. We’re hoping [the audiobook] is going to be out today, the day this podcast is released. But it might be another two or three days. They’re just taking their sweet time to approve it. I narrated the audiobook myself. So you podcast listeners, I figured you might be into that, since you like to listen. Tony: They know your voice. Chris: Yeah, and just listening to something instead of reading it perhaps. So to that end, we have a special offer for podcast listeners, because I appreciate your support and I know many of you are already part of this movement, and some are wanting to get involved. So if you buy that paperback or Kindle version between now and Sunday night, you’ll get some really cool bonuses. The first is a free copy of the audiobook. So again, we wanted to include that for podcast listeners, since we figured you guys and gals are probably interested in audio. But there are two other things that are really, I think, fantastic. And one, they’re both tools to help you be more confident and persuasive and factual when you share your passion for Functional Medicine and an ancestral diet and lifestyle. Because we’ve had a lot of questions from people, both practitioners and non-practitioners alike. They say, “Oh, how do I talk about this stuff to my sister at Thanksgiving?” Tony: “Isn’t that that caveman diet?” Chris: Yeah, exactly. All of our ancestors died when they were 30, so why should we even care? How do you respond to those arguments? Or if you start talking about Functional Medicine and maybe one of your conventional medicine colleagues says, “Oh, that’s just, I saw something on Science-based Medicine that said that was all just hooey. There’s nothing to it. How do you respond to that?” So what we wanted to do is give people the ammunition they needed in a respectful way. You know, this isn’t about getting the better of somebody. It’s about responding in a factual and convincing but respectful way. So we’ve got two different, we’re calling these the Power Packs. And one is for practitioners, so clinicians, health coaches, nutritionists, trainers, etc., and these are facts, research that you can reference and persuasive reasons for your clients or patients or colleagues to consider this Functional Medicine and ancestral diet and lifestyle approach. And then we have one for non-practitioners called the Supporter Power Pack. And these are smart answers and compelling comebacks, again respectful, for those common objections that you hear when you start talking about this stuff with your friends and family. So these bonuses are available until Sunday night [November 12, 2017] at 11:59 p.m. Pacific Time. So you’ve got a few days to act on that, and you can go to ... we set up a special link for you to get these and that’s Kresser.co/bonus. That’s Kresser.co/bonus. So head over there to get your Power Packs and your free audiobook, and that’s after you purchase either the paperback or Kindle. There’ll be a place where you enter your order number and we ask for some information just to verify, and I hope you enjoy those and get a lot out of them. Because they were actually really fun to put together. Tony: Yeah, I think the audiobook is huge. I like to listen to audiobooks when I’m driving around town or outside getting some exercise. Chris: Yeah. Tony: So, no excuses when you make it that easy. Chris: Yeah, yeah. So, Tony, thanks so much for doing this. This has been really fun to talk to you, as it always is. And I appreciate it. Tony: Actually, I wanted to throw in one extra little special thing, as we mentioned, at the top of the show. I spent 10 years as a personal trainer in the trenches, I was involved with Paleo Magazine for many, many years, going to all the events, and for me kind of an evolution in my professional life was, how do I impact more people? How do I help more people? And at first I was working one on one, and then it was as a facility manager helping other trainers and coaches get better. And then I was able to scale it up that way. And last year I had an opportunity to join the team over at Natural Force, which is all-natural, nutritional products, and I basically said, “You know what? I’m going to go all in on this because if I can touch a million people through really good, high-quality nutrition, that’s me maximizing my impact and really kind of living my purpose.” So one of the things I wanted to do today is put it out there for anyone listening who maybe uses collagen or MCT oil or whey protein. We really bend over backwards to source the best ingredients in the world, no additives, all that stuff. Everything is as clean as we can possibly make it. It takes a lot of work, working with manufacturers. Kind of like what you were saying, how patients have to know how to talk to their doctor. I don’t think people really realize, and I didn’t realize until I got on the inside, how much work it is for a brand to work with their manufacturers to convince them to get outside of the conventional mold. So it’s the kind of unconventional nutrition is really what we’re pushing here. So I set up a discount code for any Revolution Health listeners. Go to NaturalForce.com, use coupon code “unconventional” and get $10 off plus free shipping on your order. So I just want to put that out there as just a little extra bonus for anybody, and I would certainly love to help in that way and really get some good, high-quality nutrition into people’s hands. Chris: Awesome. Yeah, and there’s so many ways people can help, and I ... at Paleo f(x) we’ve see the growth of companies that are serving this space, and it's amazing. Like the products that are available now. I had breakfast this morning, I had some eggs and kale and parsley and a little bit of bacon in a couple of cassava flour tortillas. Breakfast burritos. Whoever thought I’d be having a breakfast burrito again? Tortillas are made from completely cassava flour. They’re autoimmune friendly and they’re grain-free tortillas. It’s incredible. Tony: I think I might have some of those in my fridge as well. Chris: Yeah. I mean there’s so many things. And these people, they’re serving this movement with that kind of work. So it’s great to see. Tony: It takes a village, man. Chris: It does. Thanks again, Tony. I really appreciate it. Thank you, everybody. So again, Kresser.co/bonus to pick up your free audiobook and the other bonuses, and I hope you can all join me in this revolution to reinvent healthcare. We need you, whatever your background and goals. Take care, everybody.

Source: http://chriskresser.com November 08, 2017 at 04:12PM

#paleo #recipe #food #delicious #healthy #yum #diet

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bringthestories · 7 years

Text

Varúlfur - part 1

Werewolf Jungkook x Reader Words: ~3,500 Keywords: … Blood, a little gore etc (I swear it gets better)

He was frantically running. His paws were flying over the soft ground effortlessly as he followed the faint aroma he picked up earlier. The same smell that made him break all chains and escape his safe haven, a little house in the woods he had bought specifically for these nights.

Full moon nights.

The scent was getting stronger and further reduced his already redundant consciousness with every new breath he took. He was obsessed with it. With his head down, he was sniffing the ground cautiously, making sure he didn’t lose it. It grew stronger and stronger, and he knew he must be close to whatever was emitting it. He had to find it and make it his.

When he was still in his hut, chains around his ankles and neck, his remaining human soul was patiently waiting for the monthly nightmare to be over. Waiting to be in control over his senses again. But when a car passed by on the street outside and the wind carried a precious scent towards him, he lost any remaining control over his changed form. He howled, growled and fought his chains until he managed to rid himself of his restraints and jumped out the window in a frenzy to follow it.

You were walking down the little path on the outskirts of the forest next to the town in which you lived. After a night of drinking and dancing with your friends, you had all shared a cab back home from the nearest city, and now you were walking home from your friend’s place where the cab had dropped you off. It was late at night, but it was a quiet and safe town; therefore you had no need to worry.

The worst thing on your mind was that your feet were hurting like hell in your stiletto heels, so you sat down on a bench to take them off and walk barefoot when you heard something. There was rustling in the bushes behind you. And.. Snarling? What?

There were no dangerous animals in these woods, nothing bigger than a fox, but foxes don’t growl like that. Instinctively your heart started pounding, and your throat grew tight with fear as you heard the heavy dog-like pants getting closer.

Run, you thought, jumped up from the bench ready to sprint down the street, thinking it must be a boar or maybe even a bear that got lost and somehow ended up here. And it was probably hungry. Scared but curious, you quickly turned to check what it was and froze up in fear when you saw the unnaturally massive creature in the bushes behind you.

It was no bear nor a boar. It was a wolf. Or.. was it?

There was no time to think anymore and finally started running as the creature launched at you with a loud bark; burning yellow eyes fixated on you, long canines glistening in the street lights and saliva dripping from its jaw as it effortlessly leapt over the bench in pursuit of its prey. You screamed in terror and started crying, sure that it would be the end of your life and your shrieks tore through the night, disturbing the peaceful silence. You turned back just in time to see it right behind you, ripping open its mouth to bury its sharp fangs into your body. Then you felt the piercing pain in your waist as you fell to the ground screaming at the top of your lungs trying to fight off the hairy beast in an attempt to save your life.

It let go to readjust its grip on you with another horribly painful bite on your leg and started pulling your bleeding body across the rough ground into the dark woods. That’s when you passed out.

Sunlight was shining through a small window when you opened your eyes. Dull pain hit you the very second you woke up, reminding you immediately of the events of last night. At least, you thought, you woke up at all. The little wooden room you found yourself in was almost entirely empty. Besides a table with a bunch of stuff on it and a shelf, there was nothing else inside of it. Outside, on the other hand, you could hear the birds sing and wind rustling through leaves, telling you, you must still be in the forest. You reached down to check your wounds when to your surprise you couldn’t see them. They were bandaged. Confusion dominated your mind as you tried to come up with an explanation. If someone had found you why are you not in the hospital?! Why in the world would someone take a bleeding girl, they somehow found in the woods, home to take care of her instead of calling the ambulance and police? You figured you must’ve fallen into the hands of a psycho when the sound of a key turning in the door ripped you out of your thoughts. Your heart almost stopped, and you froze with renewed fear as the door slowly opened.

“oh… you woke up…”

No way he was a psycho. The person who entered was young, somewhere around your age and he looked at you through stunning deep eyes full of compassion, his dark hair gracefully framing his fair face. Tall and beautiful he stood there in the doorway, studying you for a while. You couldn’t quite decipher his expression, but for a second you were sure you saw guilt. He sighed and approached you, carrying a platter full of a wide arrangement of food and sat down next to you on the floor crossed his legs and put down the dish.

Still dumbfounded you didn’t say anything, just stared at him, admittedly a bit lost in his eyes. He sighed again and looked away. “Eat,” he said, ”you must be hungry.” “…not really,” you replied. In truth he was right, you were super hungry, but you didn’t trust him one bit. Even if he was the most good-looking man, you had ever laid eyes on. Or maybe it was because of that.

“Um.. could you take me to the hospital, please? I really need medical attention,” you tried instead. “No. I can’t” he replied with no hesitation, “I’m honestly sorry, but there is no way you can go to a hospital.” “What? Why in the world-” you started, but he cut you off. “I’m so sorry. You can’t begin to imagine how sorry I am. Honestly, I would want nothing more than being able to take you to a doctor, but I can’t.“ He paused at the desperate and scared look on your face. He then gestured towards the tray of delicious looking foods.

“It’s not poisoned or drugged or anything I promise. Eat now. You need the energy to heal up quickly, okay?”

He walked towards the door. “You’re not leaving this place for now, so you have no other choice anyway” he quietly added before exiting the room. You watched the door shut and heard the keys turn again. He locked you in here. Tears filled up your eyes as fear took over you once again and you cried for a while thinking about your friends and family, who you’d probably never see again if you died in here and wondered how you got into this mess.

He was a psycho after all.

When he woke up that morning, he was laying half on top of you, like a dog guarding his toy, covered in blood from head to toe with hands and neck still in the large iron fetters he had ripped off the wall the previous evening. He felt disgusting. Guilt crept up on him when he recovered vague memories of what had happened. He sat up and saw you. Beautiful and fragile you laid there in front of him, covered in bruises, cuts and blood. A trail of red tinted mud and painted leaves headed up the stairs of the front porch and led to the spot he was laying with you. It looked sickening. Shaken to his core at the scene in front of him, he tumbled up and fled towards the trees, trembling. The taste of blood in his mouth and the reality of what he’d done proved too much to handle, and he threw up. Shivering, he was clinging on to a tree, hot tears flowing down his cheeks, as he realised he had murdered someone. He didn’t know then, that he hadn’t actually killed you. That, he only found out after returning to the porch to clean up the mess he created, to somehow make the horrible night disappear so he could try and forget about it, knowing full well it would haunt him for the rest of his life. When he saw your chest rise and fall in shallow breaths, he broke down and cried again. Sitting next to you, he pitied you with all his heart, wondering, if you would’ve been better off dead rather than sharing this nightmare of a fate.

If you survived, it meant you were infected. You were like him now. A werewolf. And with the next full moon, you would transform for the first time, a painful procedure, still hurting him every time even after all these years.

He had carried you inside, he had taken care of your injuries, had driven to the pharmacy and gotten painkillers and ointment. He had spent the day by your side and taken care of you while you were still unconscious. Then he drove back to the city, to drop by his home and go to a supermarket to get you food for when you woke up. Not knowing what you liked he got everything he could think of. What if you were vegan? Or gluten intolerant? He wanted to cover all the bases and ended up buying enough for 3 or 4 people before he hurried back to the cottage. By the time he arranged everything on the platter and went back to your room you had woken up. You were looking at him in terror and pain. It shattered his heart to look at you.

Now he was standing outside of your room. He could hear you sob aloud and it made him feel lousy. He didn’t know what to say to you, how to explain this mess and he had ended up being rude. He was aware that he sounded like a criminal or something when he talked to you earlier. He wanted to come inside, to hug you and cry with you and mostly apologise. Apologise for what he did to you yesterday, apologise for the pain he had caused you and for all the pain still awaiting you. But what was an apology worth when he had changed your life forever.

“Hey, psycho…” He heard from inside your room after the sobbing died down a little and it hurt hearing that. Of course, you would think that of him. What else would you think after he had locked you in a room telling you weren’t going anywhere like a creep instead of hurrying to a doctor. He wished he could’ve taken you, he wished they could’ve fixed you, but you were one of them now. Only you didn’t know. You didn’t know that your wounds were already rapidly healing, that any doctor would’ve caught on, would’ve noticed the abnormal behaviour of your body and he couldn’t have let that happen. Werewolves were living ok because no one knew of them. They had come up with methods of hiding, and they had worked. Werewolf hunts had died down around the 16th century, and people forgot. Folklore, they called it, and people nowadays believed it was all a myth. Fiction. But it wasn’t, and he swore he was not going to be the reason of their people dying again, they suffered enough already. So he had no choice. He knew you’d be fine anyways.

“Hey Psycho, I know you’re theere” you continued calling for him quietly.

The door opened with a creak and Mr Psycho stepped in again. He was truly gorgeous, you thought, too bad he was crazy. You noticed he was carrying a thick book with him this time as he turned to lock the door behind him.

As if I’d try to run with all these injuries you thought to yourself. The pain had died down a lot, but you concluded he must’ve slipped you painkillers after he had found you in the forest or something.

“I’m not a psycho. Stop calling me that,” he muttered. “Right and I’m not locked up in here when I should be in a hospital,” you started again. “Just my luck that a psycho finds me in the forest after a rabid monster attacks me. I might actually have rabies now! Please! You have to take me to the city!” you continued, trying not to yell out in frustration. “Stop it,” he snapped, “Please. Stop calling me a psycho. You don’t know how awful I feel about all of this. Besides, you don’t have rabies you’re perfectly fine,” he said assertively while still facing the door just his head tilted towards you.“How would you know?! How could you possibly know that? You didn’t see that thing! Speaking of- how did you even find me?!” you raised your voice at him. “Please, girl, I’ll explain everything if you just stop yelling accusations at me and listen for a minute!” He replied just as loudly.

He turned around with a stern look on his face and slowly came over to you. You shut up when you saw his face. He looked so miserable and defeated, and you wondered if he was telling the truth about feeling sorry about locking you up here. He sat down and threw the book between you. You read the title. Lycanthropy That’s it. No author or other information. You didn’t know what lycanthropy meant either. “What is this?” you asked confused and looked up at him. He was silent for a moment, just staring at the ground.

“Your new bible,” he then replied.

You raised an eyebrow at him. He looked up at you with such a serious expression, it erased any doubts you had about him joking. What in the world was he talking about?! After a tense pause, he continued speaking. “I didn’t find you in the forest, I found you walking down the street yesterday night,” he revealed.

“I’m the ’rabid monster’ that brought you here.”

You stared at him in disbelief, and he took note of that. “I know it’s hard to believe me, but you will have to. It’ll all sound like bullshit, you’ll think I’m either mad or messing with you but I’m not. I really wish I was.” He gestured towards the book. “Lycanthropy. From Greek ‘lykos’ meaning wolf and ‘anthropos’ meaning human,” he continued as he looked you in the eyes. “Do you know what the moon looked like yesterday?”

You understood what he was getting at, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to take him seriously. He was right about you thinking he was crazy or messing with you, but how could you possibly believe what he was trying to tell you.

“You’re not seriously trying to tell me you’re a fucking werewolf?”

He looked down at the book with a bitter sneer. “omg…you are” you whispered. “I know it sounds ridiculous. Trust me, I know. But yes. That is exactly what I’m trying to tell you, and that’s why I locked you up here instead of taking you to a hospital… You do know what happens when you get bitten by a werewolf, right?” he looked at you with knowing eyes. “I’ve heard…” you said, praying it was untrue.

“I’m sorry,” he said once again.

“No…” you started shaking your head. “No, you’re totally messing with me! Do you think I’m stupid?!” you raised your voice in denial at his implication. “Look for yourself,” he said, hinting at your bandages. You stared at him, looking for the trace of a held back smile to reveal he was joking but found nothing but sadness. You reached for your bandages and frantically started unwrapping them, expecting deep gashes in your body at the memory of the enormous fangs the man claimed were his. The white wraps loosened and fell down revealing your injuries. Nearly healed injuries.

No, you thought, there must be another explanation for this. Maybe I was out cold longer than a day! I must’ve been! That’s probably what happened. I fell into a coma, and this sick fuck is messing with me for fun. As if he read your thoughts he lifted his hands up in a defensive matter. “I swear I’m not joking,” he said once again. “Look, I know it’s hard to believe, but even if you don’t believe me, please play along for now! I can’t risk people finding out about…” he paused for a second, “… us. You didn’t come home yesterday or messaged anyone your friends and family are surely worried about you now,” he continued.

Wait.. was he going to let you go?

You tilted your head sceptically. “I didn’t touch your things. They’re over there,” he pointed to the table. “Go message someone and tell them you’re fine for now.” Of course, he wasn’t… You tried getting up while eyeing him. He didn’t move an inch or tried to stop you, so you walked over to the table and picked up your bag. The wounds were virtually healed and thus hardly hurt anymore. You saw him watching you from his spot on the floor, as you opened the bag and took out your phone. He really wasn’t gonna stop you? What if you called the police? He’s either dumb or naive, you thought as you put your bag back and looked at your phone. You halted when you saw the date. He wasn’t lying after all. Next to a whole bunch of missed calls, the messages on your phone further proved his point.

Sooyon: “Y/N did you get home safe? why aren’t you replying to us? There’s police everywhere and they found blood on the streets to yours!!” 2h ago Sooyon: “U home or what? Did you forget to text us??” 10h ago Sooyon: “ANYWAYS let us know when you’re home!!” 11h ago Sooyon: “Ahahahaha I wish you were here for that- hana just slipped on dog poo!! 😂😂😂” 11h ago

“See,” you suddenly heard him say right behind you and you jumped around. You hadn’t heard him get up, but he was standing opposite you now. “I didn’t lie about this.” Your mouth was agape with shock at the realisation that he actually told the truth. Your deep wounds had indeed healed within a matter of a few hours. “Oh wow…” you whispered and pinched yourself.

“Glad to see you’re finally understanding,” he said and smiled at you for the first time, though it was a pained smile. You took a few seconds to collect yourself, trying hard to keep calm and not break down yelling and crying. When you felt like you could breathe again, you looked up at him, not sure what to feel or what to say. This was crazy. “Um…” you started, voice shaking. “… I… I really don’t know what to say.” He reached out and patted your shoulder reassuringly. “It… has its upsides?” he tried to lift your mood and giggled so innocently it made you smile despite your situation. He suddenly seemed really nice, now that you knew he was actually being honest with you the entire time.

“I’m Jungkook,” he said suddenly. “What’s your name?” “Y/N,” you replied after a couple of seconds, not quite processing the change of mood in the conversation.

“So… you’re gonna tell me what happened and what’s gonna happen next?” you asked him. “Of course I will! I owe you an explanation at the very least after what I’ve done to you,” he shook his head. “I know it’s probably the most ridiculous thing to say right now but… don’t worry? I promise I’ll help you with everything you need to know and you’ll get used to it real soon!” he said and it made you smile again. Funny how the psycho from a minute ago suddenly seemed so sweet and trustworthy to you. “But seriously, Y/N, text your friends back first!”

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