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weirdkpopgirl · 10 months

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Friends Who Kiss | Chenle Fic #1

Title: Friends Who Kiss

Genre: Best friends to lovers, high school/college au

Warnings: mentions of the reader being insecure and having a mental breakdown at some point. a little suggestive, but not really

Word Count: ~ 5.6k

Author's Note: Okay to be very honest, I think that this story is kinda stupid and cliché. But it was an idea that I still wanted to try writing. And this is my first full-length fic for Chenle too, so I'm happy to post something for him. So to those who like cheesy romance stories, I hope you enjoy this. Thank you for reading ^ ^

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Since the start of high school, Zhong Chenle has been a consistent part of your life. He arrived as a transfer student from Shanghai, while you were the reserved kid who often used studying as an excuse to avoid social interaction. So rather than you reaching out to him first, it was he who practically claimed you as his best friend. Your personalities were a striking contrast, but it proved to be the perfect balance. It didn't take long for the two of you to become inseparable.

However, your friendship took a turn in eleventh grade. You guys had gone to your house after school to do homework. Except it was mostly you working on assignments, while Chenle was animatedly ranting about some mobile game Jisung was terrible at playing.

“It’s unbelievable! Every time I check his character gets killed,” Chenle laughed, and you responded with a soft hum of acknowledgment.

The boy glanced up from his phone to find you engrossed in your textbooks. While your attention was focused on writing an essay, you were also trying to keep your mind from drifting to the unsettling conversation you had during lunch that day. Typically, you and Chenle sat together with his friends. But Jisung needed the boy’s help stalking his crush, so you found yourself sitting with some of the girls in your class.

Sensing the inner conflict brewing in your mind, Chenle rose from the bed and leaned over your shoulder.

“You've been at this since we got here. How is your brain not fried?” he asked, blunt as usual.

You shot the boy with an unappreciative glare. “It is fried. But our essay is due on Monday, and I still have to help you with yours.”

Chenle sighed, well aware of your enduring determination. Ever since he met you, he couldn’t understand why you stressed so much over assignments, especially when you always completed them before the due date. Then you somehow managed to go out of your way to ensure he was doing the same.

“You’re more than halfway finished, and I’ll get to mine on my own time,” He reassured, “Why don’t you take a break for now?”

Before you could protest, Chenle swiftly pulled you out of your chair and guided you to sit on the bed with him. Worry clouded his gaze. “Something’s troubling you, isn’t it?”

Your teeth sank into your lower lip, hating how Chenle knew you so well. He didn’t have a problem sharing what was on his mind, while you were the exact opposite. Yet, even a single look at you was enough for him to detect something was off.

“The girls at lunch were going on about their dating experiences and stuff,” you began to explain, your tone tinged with irritation at the memory. “They were all so surprised when I said I haven’t had my first kiss yet.”

You pushed yourself to meet Chenle's gaze, half dreading that he might burst into laughter. Instead, his expression held a hint of amusement, and that alone made you regret bringing up the topic.

Before he could respond, you hurriedly attempted to backtrack on your words. “It's stupid, I know—”

“It’s not stupid if it’s making you upset,” Chenle said firmly.

Leaning back in your seat, you let out an exasperated sigh. “I just can’t get their judgmental looks out of my head. All because I don’t have much experience with dating?”

Chenle's expression softened as he confessed, "There's nothing wrong with that, and there’s a lot of people like you. I haven't had my first kiss either."

“Really?!” You stared at him in disbelief. “Didn't you date Ko Mi-so though?”

Chenle scoffed, appearing slightly offended. “Okay, that happened such a long time ago. And we didn't even last a month, so we never kissed.”

Now that you thought about it, he was right about their relationship ending almost as quickly as it began. You recalled the time back in tenth grade when Chenle was quite smug about dating Mi-so, who happened to be the prettiest girl in class. Frankly, you were somewhat relieved when they broke up, given that she didn't particularly like you. Chenle hasn’t dated anyone since.

“Oh, I guess that makes sense,” your voice trailed off.

The boy stayed silent for a moment before an idea dawned on him. “You know what? Why don’t we have our first kiss now?”

Your cheeks felt like they were competing for a world record in how quickly they heated up at Chenle's proposal. He couldn't possibly be serious.

“Did I hear you right?” you stammered, thoroughly taken aback by the suggestion.

Chenle nodded confidently, “I mean, we're best friends, so it's not that weird. And it's better than kissing someone we don't know as well or not have a connection with.”

You could kind of see his point. Having Chenle as your first kiss did seem much safer than kissing some random guy. Besides, it wasn’t like either of you had any underlying feelings for each other. This would solely be for practice.

“Alright,” you reluctantly agreed, “But you have to promise not to make fun of me if I turn out to be a bad kisser."

Chenle chuckled and nodded. He inched closer to you on the bed, leaving little space between the two of you. Although he saw you every day, having your face this near made a faint blush tinge his cheeks.

He started to lean in more before pausing. "Um, maybe you should close your eyes."

"Oh—right," you mumbled awkwardly, then took a deep breath before allowing your eyelids to shut.

He had to suppress a chuckle, finding you kinda cute in that moment. Before you had a chance to second-guess yourself, Chenle pressed his lips against yours in a tender kiss. Shortly after, he drew back, searching for your reaction.

“So, how was that?” He asked, voice laced with teasing.

You stared at him incredulously for a moment before realizing he was waiting for you to answer. “I suppose it was okay,” you mumbled.

Chenle tilted his head with an amused grin. “Just okay?”

“Yeah, I guess I didn't feel much because we're not really into each other like that,” you admitted with a nonchalant shrug.

Okay, you might have partially lied about not feeling much during the kiss. Truth be told, there was this strange, fluttery sensation in your chest when your best friend's lips grazed yours. But perhaps all first kisses were like that, and you were simply overthinking it.

The boy beside you let out a hearty laugh. “Well at least we got that over with.”

You had to muster all your self-control not to blush when he followed up with, “And you're not a bad kisser, by the way.”

Believing that the experiment was over, the two of you returned to your previous tasks. Nothing changed much after that day in your bedroom, as you and Chenle remained best friends. But little did you realize that this wouldn't be the last kiss you'd be sharing with him.

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Despite your previous attempts to justify it, the second kiss you shared with Chenle happened partially because of you. As your senior year of high school unfolded, Chenle prepared for his performance at the spring festival. It was you who initially urged him to participate in the talent show. The countless times you had witnessed his piano playing and singing during your private moments together convinced you that he should share his talents with the world. Your compliments not only fueled Chenle’s ego but also prompted him to eagerly jot his name down on the sign-up sheet.

However, what you didn’t expect was to find him backstage, looking as pale as a ghost. He was supposed to go after a group of girls who were dancing to Red Velvet’s “Red Flavor.” With the intention of cheering him on in person, you spotted the dark-haired boy sitting on a chair, anxiously bouncing his legs.

“Last-minute jitters?" you asked softly.

Chenle glanced up at you and crossed his arms in a nonchalant manner. “What, me? I'm fine,” he replied, though his tone lacked conviction.

Just as Chenle knew you like the back of his hand, you were among the few who could read him. While he was partially correct about never being nervous, it didn't take an idiot to perceive that he was in that moment. It was evident he was trying to play it off to uphold his confident image.

One aspect that troubled you about Chenle was his constant facade of cheerfulness and carefree demeanor. No one could genuinely be happy all the time, and he was the kind of person who concealed his negative feelings when around others.

After deliberating on how to address the situation, you gently rested your hand on his shoulder, bringing yourself to eye level with him.

“Hey, you’re going to be amazing out there,” you reassured him. “I’ve seen how many hours you put into practicing that song. You have nothing to worry about.”

Chenle let out a heavy sigh. “Yeah, you're right.”

The smile he bestowed upon you didn't quite convince you. Biting your lip in hesitation, you glanced around to ensure no one else was nearby. Once you were sure that you were alone, you leaned down and gently planted a kiss on the boy’s forehead. Chenle’s eyes widened in surprise at your actions.

“What was that for?”

Blushing, you took a step back and stammered, “Just for good luck, you know. I—I’ll be right there in the crowd, watching you. So if you feel nervous on stage, just look at me.”

A more reassured smile spread across Chenle’s lips and before he stood up to swiftly peck you on the lips, leaving you more stunned than he was a few seconds ago.

“There, I definitely feel more ready now,” he declared with a teasing glint. And the smug Chenle you were familiar with had returned.

As Chenle’s playfulness lingered in the air, the sound of the audience clapping erupted for the girls, putting an end to your “moment.” With a knowing look, you both parted ways, allowing Chenle to step into the spotlight for his performance.

As he took the stage, you found a spot in the crowd, eyes fixed on him with awe. The rhythm of the applause filled the air, drowning out any lingering thoughts. In that moment, the stage became his world, and you couldn't help but be swept away by the magic of his talent. The earlier exchange faded into the background as you watched Chenle shine, each note and melody weaving a captivating spell that left you in admiration.

Neither of you mentioned the kiss after that day. The interaction remained more platonic than anything, a gesture that was only meant to show your support for him. But Chenle still liked to think he killed the stage because of it.

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Chenle was undeniably responsible for the next time the two of you kissed. However, this particular incident didn't unfold until the first semester of your freshman year in college. The joy of discovering you both had been accepted into the same university was palpable, though Chenle appeared to be more exuberant about the news. In contrast, you felt a sense of relief, grateful that you wouldn't be venturing into the world of college alone.

In one of your classes, a sunbae began to show interest in you. Despite your attempts to politely reject him, it became apparent that he wasn't willing to accept no for an answer.

One day after class, he cornered you in the hallway, insisting that you go out with him. As you tried to maintain your composure, he grabbed you by the wrist when you tried to walk away. The harsh move triggered internal panic within you.

You could sense the danger in his tone as his head tilted cockily. “Come on, (Y/n), don’t be so difficult. I know you’re just playing hard to get.”

“I—I’m sorry but I just don’t feel the same as you, Sunbae,” you stuttered, trying to be assertive. “Please let go.”

Refusing to relent, the sunbae was on the verge of pulling you in closer when another hand intervened, forcefully ripping you out of his grasp. Your head turned in astonishment to see Chenle casting a disgusted look at the guy in front of you. The flames in Chenle’s eyes made you realize that you had never seen him so livid before.

“She said to let go of her. What part of that do you not understand?” Chenle’s voice cut through the tension.

The sunbae scoffed and crossed his arms in defense, “Yah, who are you to involve yourself in someone else’s matters? Are you her boyfriend or something?”

You watched as the corner of Chenle’s lips turned into a smirk as he snaked an arm around your waist in a protective gesture.

“That’s right. So who are you to go after another man’s girlfriend?” he retorted confidently. Your eyes widened, almost surprised as the jerk in front of you.

Shaking his head in a mix of disbelief and embarrassment, the sunbae pointed a finger at you. “This is a joke, right? You just asked him to pretend to be your boyfriend to mess with me!”

Before you could respond, Chenle took matters into his own hands. His free hand briskly moved to the back of your neck, drawing you in for a passionate kiss. In a typical situation, your best friend's impulsive actions might have freaked you out immediately. However, the way his fingers delicately pressed against your back reassured you that he was doing this for your sake, Closing your eyes, you kissed back and tried to reciprocate with the same passion Chenle was pouring.

Moments later, Chenle pulled away and turned to the sunbae, wearing a satisfied grin on his face. “Do you believe her now? Not that she has to prove anything to you.”

The older male muttered begrudgingly under his breath, “Whatever, not worth my time.”

With a scowl, he stormed off, leaving behind a palpable sense of relief in the wake of his departure. Once he was gone, you removed yourself from Chenle's hold and shot him a look of confusion.

“You know you didn’t have to do that right?”

Chenle chuckled, “Well, someone had to put an end to his nonsense. Besides, I've always wanted to play the protective boyfriend card.”

“Protective boyfriend? You almost gave me a heart attack!” You smacked him on the shoulder.

Chenle’s smirk remained, but he adopted a more concerned tone. “But seriously, (Y/n), why didn’t you tell me he was bothering you earlier?”

“I thought I could handle things on my own.” You shrugged weakly, lowering your head in guilt.

Chenle sighed, recognizing your aversion to depending on others for your problems. Throughout the time he’d known you, he'd witnessed your willingness to go to great lengths to help those you cared about. However, when it came to your own struggles, you seemed to prefer suffering in silence.

“We’re best friends for a reason,” he reminded you, “Looking after each other is 50/50, you know?”

You offered him a small smile, “I guess you’re right. Thanks for saving me today.”

“Well, you can thank me by buying food tonight,” Chenle said, the playful glint returning to his eyes. “It’s your turn anyway.”

Rolling your eyes, you let him lead you out of the building. But Chenle’s words from earlier lingered in the back of your mind. “We’re best friends for a reason.”

The two of you were the epitome of what best friends were. And that was all the two of you would ever be, right?

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At this point, you were beginning to lose count of the number of times you’ve kissed your best friend. Despite this, your friendship maintained its familiar rhythm throughout the university. But after that hallway encounter, the awkwardness that came with kissing your best friend faded. Although it was more of Chenle seeming unfazed, and you becoming less surprised each time it happened. And indeed, there were a few more instances that caused your lips to meet.

Like the time Chenle excitedly dragged you to his dorm to watch a Golden State Warriors game, and, in the heat of the moment, he gave you a quick kiss before cheering some more. Then there was the other time when you both went out for drinks with friends, a few drunken kisses were shared.

There weren't any real feelings attached to the kisses you and Chenle shared. At least, that was what you repeatedly told yourself. However, as you were halfway through your first year of university, you finally started to question the true nature of your friendship with Zhong Chenle.

Those thoughts began to sink in just before your first finals in college. Isolated in your dorm room, you immersed yourself in studying for a math exam scheduled in three days. Calls and texts from friends went largely ignored as you turned off your phone in an attempt to focus. However, Chenle wasn't about to let that slide.

One night, he let himself into your dorm, carrying a bag of your favorite takeout—knowing well that you tended to skip meals when stressed. You could see the determination in his face, ready to scold you. But the expression quickly transitioned to one of concern when he caught you on the verge of a breakdown.

You sat at your desk surrounded by textbooks and notebooks filled with scribbled equations. The sight of your trembling body and slightly tousled hair, a result of pulling on it too hard, tugged at Chenle’s heart. He was well aware of how your anxiety affected you at times. But he had never witnessed it manifest quite like this.

Instantly, the bag was placed on the floor, and he was at your side. “(Y/n), what's wrong?"

“I—I'm going to fail my calc final,” you swallowed, your fingers curling into fists. Your shoulders slumped, and the weight of despair was evident in the way you hunched over the desk.

He placed a hand on your shoulder, attempting to calm you down. “You still have a few weeks before finals, (Y/n). And you’re not going to fail.”

“Yes, I am!” you cut him off, your voice strained. Tears welled up in your eyes, and your hands clenched even tighter. “I’ve been studying for days, and my dumb brain still doesn't understand anything. Do you know how stupid I feel?”

“Being bad at math doesn’t make you stupid, (Y/n),” Chenle said, trying to inject a bit of lightheartedness into the situation. However, his comment didn’t seem to offer you any comfort.

You shook your head miserably in response. “Stop trying to be nice. I'm going to fail, and then I’ll end up letting down my parents and everyone else.”

Chenle’s heart ached at the defeat in your voice. Setting his jokes aside, he recognized that words weren’t what you needed at the moment. Instead, he enveloped you in a warm embrace. You hesitated only briefly before surrendering to his comforting hold, attempting to fight back tears.

“Just let it out,” he whispered.

Those simple words acted as an emotional release trigger, and Chenle found himself gently rubbing your back as you quietly cried into his shoulder. A sense of mixed emotions flooded him as he held you in that moment. A part of him felt a twinge of relief, grateful that you let him be there for you. You often kept your emotions bottled up, making it a challenge for him to discern how you truly felt at times.

However, there was a pang of sadness accompanying that satisfaction. He knew you didn't just cry in front of anyone, and realizing that you had reached this breaking point signaled the depth of your struggle.

After a while, Chenle gently pulled back, brushing a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “You need a break, (Y/n). Let’s step away from the desk for a bit.”

"No, I really should—" you began to protest, but Chenle cut you off.

"You really should eat the food I brought you before it gets cold," he insisted, picking up the bag again.

He led you to sit on the carpet of your cramped dorm room, creating a makeshift dining space for the two of you. As you both shared a meal, Chenle continued to provide a comforting presence, occasionally cracking a joke to lighten the atmosphere.

As the night wore on, the exhaustion in your eyes became more prominent. Even so, you knew you should go back to studying. But Chenle seemed to disagree.

“Maybe you should just rest for the night. I promise to help you with math in the morning,” he suggested. However, upon seeing the unconvinced look you gave him, he backtracked on his words. “Okay, I'll have Renjun help you.”

Too tired to argue, you gave in, and that's how you found yourself lying in bed with your best friend. Back in high school, you used to have sleepovers at his house on the weekends. At night, the two of you would be lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling and talking about anything. However, having him beside you at that moment felt strange.

You saw a sincere tenderness reflected in those large eyes of his. A part of you wondered if Chenle often gazed at you with such fondness and you simply hadn’t noticed before. Either way, the way he was looking at you made you feel even stranger. And the short silence that had settled between the two of you wasn’t helping.

Uncertain of how much longer you could endure the intensity, you broke eye contact with him and murmured, “Thank you for always being there for me, even when I try to push you away”

Chenle chuckled, adjusting his position to prop himself up on his elbow. “Well, of course, because how could you live without me?”

His ability to joke at a time like this struck you as unfathomable. Instead of the usual eye roll or pushing off the bed, a serious expression remained etched on your face.

“You're right, I don't think I can live without you,” you said, your voice laced with drowsiness. “Because you’re one of the few people who truly care about me.”

The amusement in his eyes danced away, as he felt the gravity of your words. Something about seeing this vulnerable side of you was so beautiful in his eyes. Before he could fully process his own thoughts, Chenle found himself leaning in to close the space between you with his lips meeting your own.

Uncertain whether it was the leftover stress from your meltdown or the sleep deprivation that prompted you to kiss back without much thought. You could recall all the times you’ve kissed Chenle throughout the years. But this one would always stand out to you.

This kiss lasted a lot longer than your previous ones. But it wasn’t just the way he tilted your chin upward for a better angle, or the feeling of his dark locks of hair slipping between your fingers. Nor was it the soft pressure of his lips moving in sync with yours. It was the indescribable emotions that made time seem to stand still, weaving an unspoken connection that surpassed words and left you yearning for more.

Aside from pulling away, both of you gasping for breath, and noticing how Chenle's lips were redder than you had ever seen them, you vaguely recalled what happened after the kiss. When you woke up the next morning, Chenle was already gone. However, he had left you a text message, mentioning that he went to check if Renjun could help tutor you in math.

But math was no longer the sole stressor in your mind. Your best friend had kissed you last night, and unlike all the other times, this one left you feeling more confused than ever.

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True to his word, Renjun offered to meet up with you that Sunday afternoon at the campus library. Within an hour of sitting down to unravel the calculus concept that eluded you, Renjun finally helped you grasp the material. Although the looming fear of failing finals had diminished, you still felt a weight on your shoulders.

“You don’t seem as relieved as I thought you’d be,” Renjun remarked lightheartedly. Even he could tell your mind was preoccupied with something else.

You smiled sheepishly, “No, I am! I seriously owe you for helping me out. I just…”

“Is it something to do with Chenle?” he asked, almost like he was a mind reader.

His unexpected question caught you off guard. “How did you know?” you stammered, feeling the heat quickly rise to your cheeks.

A knowing smile played on the boy’s lips as he leaned back in his seat. “Oh come on, (Y/n). You have that look on your face that something happened between the two of you.”

Sometimes you seriously wished Renjun wasn’t so good at reading people. Even though you weren’t as close to him as Chenle was, he’s known you long enough to notice things that others wouldn’t. For instance, when something was troubling you.

Biting your lip, you debated whether to be truthful with Renjun. Although you didn't typically share your problems with others, you recognized that confiding in someone at a time like this was necessary to maintain your sanity.

“Chenle kissed me last night,” you tossed the statement out in the air, hoping you wouldn’t regret it.

Renjun’s eyes widened at this revelation, “He did?!”

“Well you see, we’ve kissed before. But this time it felt different,” you clarified, baffling the boy across from you even more. Internally cringing, you were acutely aware of how bad this sounded.

Before he could question, you continued to elaborate. “Look, it's not as complicated as it sounds. It’s just ever since we agreed to be each other’s first kiss, Chenle and I just keep having these…accidental kisses. Whether it’s out of excitement or to get guys hitting on me to go away.”

Renjun listened quietly as you recounted all the other times you’ve kissed Chenle. When you circled back to the previous night, you felt more conflicted than ever.

“But the kiss last night left me feeling so confused,” you confessed, running a hand through your hair. “Initially, I thought he was just doing it out of comfort, but now I’m not so sure.”

“Well, have you considered the possibility that he has feelings for you?” Renjun inquired, crossing his arms. His suggestion sounded so simple, yet it felt like navigating uncharted territory in your mind.

You shook your head in denial. “N—No, I mean we’ve been best friends for five years. He can’t possibly see me that way.”

“Like that’s ever stopped friends from falling for each other,” Renjun cocked his head. “It doesn’t take a genius to know that he likes you, (Y/n).”

His point made you mentally curse. If you looked at your history with Chenle from an objective point of view, the two of you certainly didn’t act like normal best friends.

“And, it’s pretty obvious that you like him too,” Renjun added, twirling the pencil between his fingers.

His statement left you feeling exposed, as if you had been caught red-handed committing a crime. Laughing nervously, you shook your head, “Renjun, we’re just friends. I…I don’t see him that way.”

Renjun raised an eyebrow, “Friends who kiss? Did you really not feel anything in those moments?”

Your teeth sank further into your lower lip as Renjun’s question hit you. The reality of your feelings for Chenle lingered in the air, challenging the facade you had built to convince yourself otherwise. It was like trying to hold sand in your fists, slipping away no matter how tightly you clenched. The truth, however inconvenient, seemed to be unraveling before you.

“I…I did feel something,” you slowly admitted, “But I never said anything because I didn’t want our friendship to change. It just seemed easier to pretend those moments were nothing more than accidents.”

Renjun’s eyes softened with understanding. “Well maybe a little change is what you need in your friendship.”

Maybe Renjun was onto something, perhaps change was necessary. In the past, you had always held out on dating, using the excuse that you were waiting for the right person. Despite the fear of potential rejection, what if Chenle was the person you had been waiting for all along?

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Chenle’s living room bathed in the gentle glow of the TV screen, a familiar sight during your Friday movie nights since college began. It was supposed to be a time to unwind, to escape the pressures of school for a little while. However, instead of the usual peaceful and easygoing atmosphere, an unspoken tension hung in the air tonight. Beyond picking a movie and deciding who made the popcorn, you and Chenle barely talked. The weight of the unspoken words made the space feel suffocating, and you couldn't shake the feeling of unease that settled in your chest.

Unable to endure the weighty silence any longer, you turned your head to make a lame comment about the movie. However, before you could speak, Chenle beat you to it.

“Can we talk?” His voice carried a hint of restlessness, an unusual departure from his usual tone.

Trying to maintain a casual demeanor, you lightly nodded. With your acknowledgment, Chenle exhaled deeply and sat up straighter to face you properly.

“I know how crazy this might sound,” he started, running a hand through his hair. “But I’ve been thinking, and I don’t think we can stay friends.”

His words felt like a gun being pointed at your chest, panic surged within you as you tried to process the boy’s words. Of all the ways you predicted this conversation could go, this was not one of them.

“What do you mean?” you asked, your voice even smaller than his.

Noticing the perplexity in your eyes, Chenle continued. “You see, I've been in love with you for—I don’t know how long. But I spent all these years burying my feelings like a fool, because I never thought you’d see me that way. Yet, every time we kiss, it becomes harder for me to ignore my feelings for you.”

Chenle glanced down at his folded hands, vulnerability seeping into those brown orbs of his. “The other night made me realize that I don’t want to just be friends who kiss anymore. I want to be something more to you.”

His words lingered in the air now that they were out in the open. Your heart raced faster than it ever has before, as your cheeks flushed with heat. Chenle’s eyes bore into yours, his expression nervous yet hopeful.

For a moment, you were left speechless. But you still had the sense to hit him on the shoulder, scolding, “Oh my gosh, you can’t start a conversation like that, Chenle. You scared me!”

The boy chuckled sheepishly, rubbing his shoulder. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do that. But seriously, (Y/n), I meant what I said.”

A mix of emotions played on your face before you quietly admitted, “Honestly, I’ve wanted to be something more to you since that day we kissed in my bedroom.”

You noticed a smile of relief beginning to form on his lips, but you held up a finger before he could say anything. Now that he had taken the first step, you decided it was time for you to do the same.

“But I kept trying to convince myself that all the times we kissed were accidental or just for comfort,” you confessed, looking directly into his eyes. “And the reason I’ve been pushing away my feelings for you was because I was afraid of losing a friend who means the world to me.”

His hand rested on top of yours, the light touch sending a shiver down your spine. “You don’t have to be afraid because you’ll never lose me, (Y/n).”

The softness and sincerity in his eyes made you want to cry for some inexplicable reason. You once believed that confessing your feelings for Chenle would only lead to frustration and heartbreak. However, as you sat here with him, holding his hand, those worries seemed to vanish.

“So…what do we do now?” you asked, unsure of what was supposed to come next in these situations.

A mischievous glint danced in his eyes as he grinned. “I think this is the part where we kiss. But you know, as boyfriend and girlfriend.”

Just as you were processing his words, he moved closer, his breath warm against your skin, making your heart flutter. His eyes searched yours for permission.

“Well, what are you waiting for then?” you whispered.

With that, the distance between you closed, and your lips met in a tender kiss. It was a sweet surrender, a culmination of years of friendship and suppressed feelings. Although this wasn’t your first kiss with Chenle, it felt that way in a sense. For you could finally savor the tender feeling of his lips without questioning the intention behind it.

In that moment, all you focused on was the way Chenle had his hand on the small of your back, guiding you closer as he deepened the kiss. Your fingers found their way to rest on the nape of his neck, feeling the warmth of his skin.

Although the change in this dynamic had just begun, this newfound connection promised countless moments of shared laughter, whispered confessions, and the sweet warmth of shared kisses. You had a feeling that you could easily get used to this beautiful new normal. By the way Chenle smiled during the kiss, you could tell he felt the same way.

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

#nct dream #kpop #nctzen #czennie #nct dream imagines #chenle imagine #chenle fic #nct dream fic #chenle x reader #zhong chenle #nct scenarios #kpop fic #nct dream x reader #chenle #chenle scenarios

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theveryfires · 1 year

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10 things i hate about you | eddie munson x reader

an: hi there lovelies! Apologies that i have taken such a long break from writing. I have recently finished university and with my dissertation and essays i ended up having no time to actually write anything worth while! for those that have stuck around, thank you for your patience and for those that are new, hi! This is essentially the full version of my earlier piece titles 'crush' that i posted months ago! i hope you enjoy and as always if there is anything i can do better please dont be shy to let me know!

“What’s got you all riled up this time, Munson?”

Gareth’s voice felt distant, drowned out by the sound that had been distracting Eddie since he stepped foot into the cafeteria. His eyes were fixed on the table a few feet away from his own domain. Populated by the slightly more socially acceptable nerds, they would probably be cool in college. All dressed in the same thick knit jumpers, deep blue denim flares, wild hair. He squinted, almost wincing as the sound seemed to grow to a crescendo. There you were, one hand clutching your stomach, close to tumbling out of your chair, the other hand covering your mouth and completely useless at muffling your laughter. it almost bubbled, tinkling and pouring, coating the rest of the usual lunchtime white noise in a thick syrup like blanket. The air had almost turned to honey, and nobody else seemed to notice. Tears were sliding down your face, glasses seconds away from falling off your nose. Eddie’s chest felt cramped, his face growing hotter when your eyes met his for a brief second.

“Not what, dear Gareth. But who.”

Eddie’s rivalry with you was well known throughout the Hellfire club. Although his reasonings were not as widely known, not even to Eddie. There was no definitive motive, no moment in time that started all this distaste. He simply didn’t like you. You had been aware of one another throughout your time at Hawkins middle and high school. Something about you had always given him a headache, made his palms itch, his overall being sweaty. All of this coming to a head when you accidentally walked in on a extremely important Hellfire meeting. You had cut your hair, it was shorter and your glasses had glowed in the low candlelight. He remembered distinctly the way you tripped over your words as you apologised, the glimmer in your eyes as you mentioned something about fire regulations. Your voice was teasing, pulling him out of his seat when he abruptly stood up. It had kept him awake at night, plaguing his dreams for weeks on end. Of course you occasionally caught his deathly glare, but it always softened slightly. The usual cold brown some how warming. You had just figured he was glaring at the jocks that sat a two table’s over. Of course you were unaware of your rivalry with the infamous dungeon master. Totally clueless.

“Is this about Temple of Doom again man? I don’t get why you don’t just bring it up with Keith.”

Eddie couldn’t quite believe that you worked at Family Video. For so long it had been a place of safety and comfort, until he had walked in to find you sorting through the horror section and chatting away to Robin. You were chewing on gum, from the looks of the lurid pink it was watermelon flavour, his favourite. He had never seen you with your hair tied back, little strands falling about your face and practically begging to be pushed back behind your ears. Robin and Steve had actually got a bit worried when they didn’t see him every afternoon like usual, quickly picking up on the fact he only came in when you weren’t working. Eddie had been going in virtually everyday asking after the new Indiana Jones movie. He was convinced you had somehow figured out he wanted it, and cooked up some plan to keep it from him. But Steve told him the actual truth, that you had booked it for three weeks specially for Dustin’s birthday. “Personally i couldnt watch a film that many times but…well you know Henderson.” Eddie had nodded absentmindedly, his eyes glazed over with a strange look. “How does she know Dustin?” His voice had sounded strained, piquing Steve’s interest as he raised an eyebrow. “She’s his babysitter, his actual official babysitter. Has been since I’ve known the kid.” Eddie had only known Dustin a month or so at that point, but it did something to his chest knowing that you cared that much. He continued to complain to Gareth about you, of course…to keep up appearances. But something was different.

“What? Oh no that…thats sorted now.”

That was another thing that he hated, you were always doing stupidly kind things for people for no apparent reason. A week or so after mentioning the whole Temple of Doom saga to Harrington, Eddie had been, as he described it, accosted in the student carpark. He had just pulled up, giving himself five minutes before dragging himself to English where you would surely be already waiting. On top of everything you shared quite a few classes with Eddie, meaning he didn’t really ever get a chance of not being around you. He always knew when you were coming, the telltale smell of coffee that had too much cinnamon and not enough sugar intermingling with your vanilla perfume seemed to surround you. Drifting down the halls, clinging to your locker, english books, pens. He knew this because you often let him borrow a pen and a spare book when he forgot them. But that morning he was surrounded before he had chance to prepare himself. A blush had attacked his face, tinging his ears that luckily were hidden under his mop of curls when you appeared suddenly in front of him. Eddie had watched you eye the cigarette in his hand, caught in the way you inhaled a little deeper, breathed out a little slower. He was left illiterate, only managing to just keep his cool whilst he raised a ever bored eyebrow in your general direction. He had smirked when you sighed, rolling your eyes and shoving the box towards him. “Steve mentioned you were ‘hankering’ for this. Technically i still have it for another four days but…i think if Dusty watches it one more time the tape will break. It’s all yours.” You hadn’t even waited for a thank you, already turning on your heel and walking away. Leaving Eddie with his mouth open, cig caught on his lip and smoke tumbling out of his mouth. He hated the way you left him feeling, all red in the face, heart racing, like an idiot.

“So, what’s the problem?”

Eddie was certain he hated you, was completely convinced of the fact that there was a high chance of you hating him too. But after the past few months, after being forced to actually spend more than the usual minimal amount of time with you, hate didn’t feel like the right word. You treated Dustin like a little brother, actually all the kids clearly looked up to you. You were always on time for picking him up, but never complained about staying a little later. Eddie found himself loving those sessions more than anything, sneaking glances at you as you watched wide eyed at the world of Hellfire. But he had hated you, all through school he had found every inch of you irritating. From the little crop tops you wore in summer to the grandpa jumpers that appeared in the winter. He had hated you for the way you made him feel. Setting him alight every time you were near, making his stomach twist and churn when you caught his eye, god help him if you ever spoke to him properly. And yet…and yet all that was changing. He hadn’t even realised it until Erica had made a pointed comment after catching Eddie drooling over you during one of the later Hellfire meetings. “Are you just gonna sit there all goo-goo eyed over Dustin’s babysitter or are we actually gonna play, I’m missing a key episode of MLP for this yknow?”

“It’s…complicated.”

A few days prior, Eddie had passed you on your walk home from work. He had been driving back from a gig at the hideout, his headlights illuminating the downpour as he slowly made his way back through Hawkins when he spotted you. You were drenched, hair sticking to you face, clothes practically moulded to your body, shoes sodden and squelching on the pavement. At first he had just drove past, only making it a few feet up the street before he reversed back down the road. Robin and Steve had taken the afternoon off to take Dustin to some science fair with Mike and Lucas. Leaving just you and Keith to lock up. Usually you were fine with that, but it left you with no ride home as on that particular day your own car was at the garage. A perfect storm, resulting in you having to brave the autumn downpour on the thirty minute walk home. “Are you crazy?!” Eddie’s voice had scared you, nearly making you slip as you turned to see him staring at you wide eyed from the safety of his van. Eddie watched you turned your face towards the sky, a soft smile taking over the weak frown on his face as you basked in the downpour. “Possibly!” You grinned as you yelled back, an awkward moment growing with you only getting wetter as Eddie struggled to find the words. “Are you offering me a ride or not Munson? Not that it isn’t lovely to chat but uh…” He barely nodded but it was enough for you to run round and jump into the passenger seat. Eddie had glanced at you, frozen and suddenly unaware as to what to even say never mind do. He worried he had forgotten how to drive under your stare. “Theres…theres a spare t-shirt in the back if you…want a dry one?” You had forgotten all about your wet clothes after getting into the warmth of Eddie’s van. The shock of realising just how see through your white crop top had gone making you laugh as you happily accepted a new shirt.

“How could it possibly be more complicated?”

The whole drive back to your house Eddie had felt..strained. He could feel your eyes on him, the gentle burning of them making the van feel uncomfortably warm. Every few seconds he let himself look at you, his breathe quickly being stolen as the sight of you wearing his shirt. A ‘Corroded Coffin’ shirt to be exact. He felt like his head was going to explode, and then you started talking and that only made everything worse. You were trying to fill the silence, not able to bare the awkward quiet. You were rambling, a habit you and Robin seemed to share. Going on about work, looking after Dustin, the latest project for English, whatever film you and your friends were going to see at the weekend. Eddie was drumming his fingers, scrunching his nose and dragging a hand through his hair as he forced himself to focus on the road. A frown on his face that he had perfected for when he was alone with you. “Sorry, am i annoying you Munson?” You had noticed more and more that not only was Eddie not listening but he purposefully was ignoring you. He had done this a few times in the past, but never so blatantly. Eddie was weird, but you had also seen the caring and lovable side of him over the weeks he had spent with Dustin. So why did you get the cold shoulder? For a second those hardened brown eyes melted to chocolate buttons, glancing over at you as if finally caught in the headlights. “You were rambling, and I’m…im trying to focus on the road so we don’t crash. I dont really want to die with you in the car, princess.”

“It’s just…theres…we uh…there uh…”

The lunch that had been sat in front of Eddie continued to grow cold. Gareths stare only hardening as he noticed a strange glazed look coat Munsons usual death cold glare. Eddie replayed the night in his head. The silence that followed his use of ‘princess’ , the painful wince that had flooded his system as he realised what he had said. The look on your face when he had finally worked up the courage to face you. Your face was hard to read, blank almost whilst trying to process what had just happened. Eddie Munson. Eddie ‘the freak’ Munson had just referred to you as princess, whilst he was giving you a ride home, wearing his bands shirt and from the smell of it, it had been worn by Eddie a few times over. The rest of the journey was haunted by a heated silence that came to a grateful end when the van came to a stop outside your home. Eddie remembered you’re stutter, committed it to damn memory as if one day it would save his life. “Thanks for the ride Munson, I uh, well i guess i owe you one.” There was a cheeky tinge to your words, only made clear by the small smile you sent his way. “I’m keeping this shirt by the way…until next time sugar.” Eddie had watched you walk into your house, his hands gripping the wheel with the might of Thor. He could practically hear his heart in his chest, feel the blood rushing around his body. He couldnt sleep that night, or the night after. He couldnt even focus on DnD. All he could think about was that little smile, the way you fitted his shirt like it already belonged to you, how normal it felt to have you by his side.

“Theres been a disturbance in the force of something man.”

Gareth dropped the sandwich he had been happily enjoying whilst Eddie stared off into the distance. He knew all too well what that meant for Munson. The freak was in some dangerous waters. And if the stolen glances you had ben sneaking over at Eddie meant anything, so were you.

#stranger things #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #joseph quinn #dustin henderson #steve harrington #fluff #angst #robin buckley

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please-picturemeintheweeds · 6 months

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what do you think Suburban Legends is about?

Oh boy oh man oh gee oh goly I LOVE THIS FUCKING SONG!!!! Buckle up!!!!! This is verrryyy long, part essay, part rant, so I apologize in advance 😘

The story begins with the subject repeatedly betraying the speaker, and her forgiving him for it. The entire song reflects on how and why this becomes a pattern, and the long-term consequences of that first moment.

“You were so magnetic it was almost obnoxious, flushed with the currency of cool, I was always turning out my empty pockets” is one of my absolute favorite line in Taylor’s entire discography. It draws on the metaphor explored in Tied Together with a Smile and You All Over Me- love (or, candidly, sex/sex appeal) as a currency, specifically, a something cheap- pennies, change. The subject of Suburban Legends is rich, flush with currency- worth a lot compared to the speaker who doesn’t have anything. The sensual imagery in this part (slippery plastic summer, slide, flush, magnetic) makes me think a lot about the ways sex and love can be used in a relationship, and how formative our early relationships can be. Because of the title and imagery in the whole song, I feel strongly that this is “about” teenage relationships, and I think it exists in relation to the Betty/August/Cardigan story (I’ll leave it there…). That first verse, to me, is a really meaningful exploration of why someone, often girls, might feel pressured to forgive their partner for something that really hurts. The explanation, I think, rests on how you interpret the empty pockets metaphor. The speaker feels so little self worth compared to the subject (who is magnetic, slippery, cool) that she forgives big transgressions quickly, perhaps against her better judgement.

The chorus is sort of mysterious to me. I understand what “I didn’t come here to make friends” means, but it’s tricky in context. For me, it evokes reality game shows like Survivor or Americas Next Top Model- the person saying the phrase is a contestant fighting for something, and willing to stab people in the back to reach the goal. (Reminds me of willow) I don’t think the song requires us to take that entire symbol literally, so in context, I think it means that whoever is saying it has no intention of being friends, they intend to be ~more than friends~ (romantic or sexual or enemies, or all of the above, idk!!) and they’re willing to play dirty to achieve that. The next line, “we were born to be suburban legends,” is perhaps the goal. Suburban legends makes me think about small time legends; high school football champions who peak in 12th grade, cutest couple in the yearbook, childhood sweethearts who get married and live happily ever after in their suburban hometown. But it also makes me think about the way Taylor immortalizes her subjects. The songs she wrote as a teenager have entered suburban folklore. Everyone knows Love Story and YBWM, even if they think they don’t! Their relationship was fated to occur, and they were born to live the story that has become legendary among suburban, normal youths. If we take the perspective of how this experience has laid a pattern in place, these lines feel relevant to later adult experiences post-fame, too. Taylor Swift is a household name, along with some people she dated. The first lines of the chorus are also pretty darn flirty, which contributes to the ick factor, for me. It’s like a pick up line, or something that is being used as a consolation prize for not committing to a real relationship; we may not be exclusive, but we were born to have this ~arrangement~ and to be suburban legends, therefore everything is fine. Makes me think of Tis The Damn Season.

“When you hold me it holds me together” goes back to the question of why someone would forgive their ~lover~ for cheating/stepping out or hurting them, and how easy it is to start seeing your worth as tied to the other person’s actions towards you. This line is the only semi-positive thing she has to say about this person in the song. Whatever the arrangement is, for better or worse, it holds her together. “You kiss me in a way that’s gunna screw me up forever” holds soooo much weight, and is a really crystallized way to convey how important those first sexual/romantic experiences can be, and how tied to intimacy they are. That line establishes that this story fundamentally altered the speaker’s life, and started a pattern of behavior that she is grappling with however many years down the road. The element of fate feels really important. Other songs that I think tie in with this are Ms Americana and the Heartbreak Prince, Betty, That’s The Way I Loved You, Mastermind.

The second verse makes me feel kinda ill!!!! The sensual/intimate imagery continues, but with a lot more anger, disgust, regret, and public humiliation (fantasy, diaries, ripped out, the whole school). This verse again solidly places us in high school, which could be a metaphor but I don’t think it needs to be. Even if we take the language literally, it still can apply to situations throughout the speaker’s adult life because of how impactful the early experience was. Shame, humiliation, regret, embarrassment, wanting to prove a point, feeling tossed around by fate.

I also am really interested in the tense use of Suburban Legends. I had the fantasy (back then) that you would be (in the hypothetical future) more than a chapter in my old diaries (past reality), with the pages ripped out (ambiguous, when did she rip them out? How long did she hold out hope? What was the last straw?). Whatever happened with these two was so upsetting that the speaker has tried to violently erase the experience from her own most private history. The speaker is experiencing extreme anger in the present about something that happened in the past, which is kind of unusual in Taylor’s discography! Usually her songs explore the moment she feels something, which this also does. I think this is a reason it stayed in the vault: there’s a lot of private shame involved in this story, and also anger that it’s still impacting her all these years later. “I can still see it now” is such a strong statement that roots the speaker in the present but is sensorily placed in the past. The theme of memory is common for Taylor, but that particular phrasing makes me think about All Too Well 10MV, dear john, would’ve could’ve should’ve, and Maroon (I wake with your memory over me that’s a real fucking legacy to leave).

The next part about “I know that you still remember” and national treasures and getting back together make me think of WANGBT and All Too Well and how the present experiences of older relationships can really force a person to reflect on what led them down that path - what was the twist of fate that caused the tragedy to occur? I’ll leave it there!

The bridge, besides being catchy as fuck, is extremely sassy and sarcastic; “i broke my own heart cuz you were TOO POLITE TO DO IT!!” This line is so interesting and it captures exactly what it’s like to be in the midst of heartbreak over someone that was hurting you - the break up is what is breaking the speaker’s heart, not the asshole’s actions themselves. “Waves crash to the shore, I dash to the door” is giving August. The rest of the bridge is exactly like how a panic attack feels - it spirals out of control and has the repetitive pulse of ruminating thoughts. It’s the moment that the past experiences combine with the present, and everything compounds. The speaker’s life is ruined, it was ruined before, it’s ruined now, the subject has all the control in this situation to ruin her life by abandoning her, but she always knew it! SHE ALWAYS KNEW IT! She knew from the first time someone called him on an unmarked number and she let it slide!!!! It’s the ultimate dramatic tragedy- the hero’s own hubris ruins their own life!!!!!! And thus, the shame cycle is born. 🤮

(to be 100% clear, while I think the song is set up as a tragedy - that is, the hero is responsible for his own downfall - I do NOT believe that Taylor is at ALL responsible for how the subject of this song treated her. She, and anyone reading/listening to this deserve to be treated better!! Healing from wounds like this is so so hard, and a lifelong practice. We heal from relational trauma when we engage in relationships that contradict the initial wounds and allow us unlearn those messages of self-hatred that were reinforced by the initial experience. I love this song because it captures the feelings of shame that are so so so common and important to acknowledge when we first set out to reflect and heal from old shit, and are maybe still engaging in relationships that don’t contradict the past experiences 💜🦋. I think this will be a huuuge theme on TTPD…. 🤍)

#Suburban legends #1989 (Taylor’s version)#Asks #c #would've could’ve should’ve hours #Wcs #tis the damn season #maathp #ttpd predictions #Trauma #ptsd

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christine-ye · 7 months

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Normally I don't share a lot of serious posts for characters I love (they're funny shitposts most of the time) but because the 2024 PreCure Twitter Hall of Fame started running yesterday (go vote here if you haven't), I have already campaigned myself for the title of #1 Cure Melody fan, which I already won during the first Hall of Fame back in October 2023 (and also campaigned for). And I have the certificate below to prove it lol

As part of my mini-campaign for the current Hall of Fame (which is just for fun and not an actual competition btw), I decided to write an essay about how much Cure Melody meant to me and wanted to share it here (copied and pasted straight from the Notes app on my phone). If you get the chance to read it (under the cut), I would really appreciate it. 💗

Why you should vote me for #1 Cure Melody fan, an essay (sorta)

During the summer of 2020, I started getting into PreCure when Healin' Good returned from its hiatus and was added to Crunchyroll. After watching a few more of their available seasons like Futari wa and Kira Kira, I decided to branch out and try out other (unfortunately not legally available yet) PreCure seasons, and I started both Star Twinkle and Suite on September 1, 2020. You might be wondering, "why mention an exact date for Suite specifically?" And boy, do I have a lot to tell you.

Suite was one of the seasons that caught my eye at that time, and Hibiki Hojo, otherwise known as Cure Melody, caught my attention for plenty of reasons. One of which being me previously knowing her VA, Ami Koshimizu, for voicing Sailor Jupiter (my favorite Inner Senshi) in Sailor Moon Crystal, given that I was (and still am) a huge Sailor Moon fan. Another reason was also me branching out to other magical girl media during the pandemic. I was already familiar with shows like Powerpuff Girls Z (my first magical girl show) and Madoka Magica up until 2020, and decided to try out PreCure for a bit despite my initial skepticism and refusal to try anything new.

On September 1, 2020, around the same time I was starting my last year of high school, I finally started watching Suite and while I knew Hibiki was going to be my favorite in the show I didn't expect myself to love her way more than I thought I would, not even knowing she would actually become one of my favorite characters of all time. She's a lot of fun every time she appears onscreen, her design rocks, and also did connect with me a lot on a personal level. As someone who has experienced separation anxiety as a kid (and still sometimes do now), I related with Hibiki's loneliness from when her mom was often busy on tour, much like how my parents would sometimes spend a lot of time away from home for work, from weeks to even months. To add to that, I even felt burdened by others' expectations of how and what I did as I got older, similar to how Hibiki felt pressured when she had to perform at the piano recital only to end up feeling hurt by her dad's words to the point where she (temporarily) gave up her passion for music. Through her character growth, I remembered two important things: people who love and support you will always be there for you no matter what and never give up on what you want to pursue despite the hurdles you encounter in life that try to put you down or even turn you against your passions.

I literally almost teared a bit having to write all this and if you made it to the end, thank you for reading :') And of course, vote me for #1 Cure Melody fan since she has meant a lot to me for almost 4 years now 💗

#christine's ramblings of the day #precure #pretty cure #suite precure #suite pretty cure #hibiki hojo #hojo hibiki #cure melody

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harborpointeblvd · 3 months

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I Watched Every GMMTV BL series part 4/?

2016/2017

2018

2019

If your favorite BL came out in 2020, you should probably scroll past this post now.

BTW, before anyone says it, I didn't forget The Shipper. I watched it and decided not to include it because I don't consider it BL. Body swap stories are not my cup of tea, but I thought it was pretty good. I enjoyed it more than any of the shows I'm about to talk about, at least.

Sorry in advance for writing a whole ass essay on a show no one watched.

2gether - 2020

When first year college student, Tine (Win Metawin) is relentlessly pursued by Green (Gun Korawit), he asks handsome and popular Sarawat (Bright Vachirawit) to be his fake boyfriend. I feel like I don’t need to explain any further. You’re familiar with the fake-dating plot.

Honestly, this plot was so nothing that I’m bored even trying to write about it. The series is thirteen episodes, but could’ve been condensed to, like, eight. I feel like people unfairly judge Jittirain works based on this one, because it's (I think) her most popular one. But it's an outlier, Vice Versa was good, dammit!

Why does his leg look like it's bending backwards like a flamingo?

Still 2gether - 2020

As the title suggests, Tine and Wat are still together. For five episodes. Although for two of those episodes, they are separated with no contact.

While 2gether The Series has barely any plot, Still 2gether has no plot at all. That being said, it’s only five episodes and the couples act more like couples this time, so it’s easier to watch than the first series.

I don't remember why I took this screenshot, but I'm sure I had something very witty to say.

My Gear and Your Gown - 2020

Disclaimer: I was not aware of any of any actor’s legal troubles before watching this series, so that did not factor into my viewing experience.

After returning from studying abroad in England, Pai (Pawin Thanik) starts his final year of high school as a new student. On his first day, he is rescued twice by the same mysterious boy. After being roped into becoming president of his academic club, he learns that they are about to lose their club room to their rival athletic club. His hero becomes his enemy when the rival club’s president, Itt (Marc Natarit), turns out to be the same boy who rescued Pai on his first day.

I’m not gonna lie, this show really had me going in the first half. It sort of dragged, but I was ready to give it a passing grade. And then it all fell apart. I feel played by this drama. The first half of this show is set during their final year of high school and the latter half takes place during their freshman year of college. The high school stuff is just your basic enemies-to-friends-to-secret-crush story, but it felt true to life. The college stuff makes no goddamn sense.

Some spoilers ahead.

The high school portion moves pretty slowly, but I liked the way the relationship developed. Initially, Pai is forced to tutor Itt, but as they grow closer, he begins to genuinely care about Itt’s future, and he continues to tutor him after he no longer has to. After they have their falling out, he continues helping Itt in secret, and despite being heartbroken, he is happy for Itt when he does well on his college entrance exams. It’s heartbreaking and bittersweet, but also strangely satisfying. That might just be a Me thing. I find it so gratifying in dramas when the person with a one-sided crush just…gives up. I'm pro giving up.

Then we see Pai in college, where he discovers that Itt has chosen to attend the same university. He tries to avoid him, but Itt just keeps showing up to harass Pai. He convinces Pai to join the university’s Moon contest by withholding an item that Pai lost in high school that holds sentimental value to him. You know, romance. Anyways, it’s revealed that Itt is actually doing all of this to push Pai out of his comfort zone so he can learn to speak up for himself. But, the thing is, it was not well established to begin with that Pai had any trouble speaking up for himself. The only time we see that is with his parents. He actually makes his boundaries very clear in most situations, in a way that’s impressively mature for his age. Like, when a guy he rejected asks to go to his dorm room, he's like, "When you only see me as a friend, I'll invite you in," and I was like, "Damn, good answer." The few times Pai and Itt fought in high school, it was always Pai reaching out to Itt and making every effort to explain himself and Itt ignoring him. Pai is not the one with communication issues, is what I'm saying. This whole thing feels like an excuse for Itt to harass Pai. And the fact that Itt continues to let Pai believe he hates him is just baffling. He has this “it has to be this way” attitude, but no, it absolutely does not, you’re just drama.

The most disappointing thing about it is that this is an unrequited love reversal, which is my FAVORITE romance plot trope, and they bungled it. They had the chance to do Flipped better than Theory of Love*, but instead we got whatever the fuck this is.

The two lead actors did fine for the most part, but seemed to struggle when it came to heavier emotional scenes. They’re kind of blown out of the water by Fiat and JJ, who play Itt’s best friend Pure and Pai’s best friend Waan, respectively. The two characters form a friendship with each other that seems more genuine than either of their friendships with the main characters. Waan dragging a depressed Pure to a clinic to get tested for STIs is peak best friend behavior.

TW for sexual assault. There is an attempted rape of one of the characters during the college portion of the series. It’s not the worst use of this trope I’ve seen. The perpetrator is not the love interest of the victim and it’s not used as a plot device to make a red flag love interest out to be a hero (See Tonhon Chonlatee below). The perpetrator is forgiven way too easily though. Is it so much to ask that BL shows treat rape like a crime?

*Just kidding, probably not.

Joke's on you, that only makes me want to do it more.

Tonhon Chonlatee - 2020

Chonlatee (Khaotung Thanawat) has had a secret crush on the older boy next door, Tonhon (Pod Suphakorn) since they were kids. He has vowed never to tell him, since Tonhon dates girls. But when Chonlatee gets into the same university, Tonhon insists on Chonlatee moving in with him, and his secret gets harder to keep.

There were things I liked about this show. The ongoing joke that it is very obvious to everyone but Tonhon that Chon is gay is funny for a while, as well as Tonhon being oblivious to the fact that his two roommates who he’s lived with for three years are in a relationship. I like pretty much all of their friends, especially Chon’s best friend Pong played by Ciize. Unfortunately, this show is badly written. I mean, like, REALLY bad.

Some spoilers beyond this point. And TW for sexual assault.

Pretty much every bad BL trope is in here. They made the rival love interest so much more likable than Tonhon. And this is a guy who congratulates people for meeting him, how is he more likable than your main love interest? Tonhon has to rescue Chon from being raped (by the same guy from Kiss Me Again, he should be concerned about how he’s being typecast). And of course, we have the queen of all lazy BL tropes: every villainous trait you can think of wrapped into one jealous ex-girlfriend, who is the source of literally every conflict. It’s so unnecessary, because there are already things in their lives that can cause drama without bringing in a queen bee villain, like Tonhon’s internalized homophobia or his homophobic dad. But, no, every catastrophic event is orchestrated by this one woman, including the attempted rape. In the end, everyone boos and throws garbage at her. Even the rapist tells her off, and also gets off with, like, no consequences. They magically solve the homophobic dad problem by promising to get a surrogate so Tonhon can produce an heir. Him constantly pressuring his kids to have babies is never seen as an issue, just the fact that he won’t let Tonhon date Chonlatee.

There’s a time skip scene at the end where all of the characters sit in a circle telling each other what is going on in their lives now. Just, like, telling each other things they should probably already know. "Tonhon's dad bought you a house because you agreed to carry their baby, so now you don't have to be a sex worker." What is even the point of a timeskip if we don’t even get to SEE them living their lives? And they’re already having a baby after THREE YEARS? Chon is still in school, are you fucking nuts?

And, really, Chon? Three years later, you still have that haircut, huh?

Soulmate - The One. Like he was created for me, specifically. Sugar Daddy - He may not have it all, but he knows how to spoil me. Friend With Benefits - Despite my better judgment, I went and caught feelings. Second Lead - All my friends love him, but I don’t feel the spark. Overeager Pursuer - Tries to be cute but just gets on my nerves. Vindictive Ex - It’s like he’s punishing me for knowing I could do better. Love Rival - Literally what did I do to deserve this? -

#janine's slow descent into madness #2gether the series #still 2gether #my gear and your gown #tonhon chonlatee #thai bl #gmmtv #sorry i can't stop doing the asterisk bit

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secret-vent-rant-account-i-guess · 1 year

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Ok..I've been thinking about making this for a while so... trigger warnings...I guess

If you do not want to listen about colombine then don't read this so if you don't like any of the stuff related to that then... please go away

If you do want to listen to this and you..... really like the two guys who did it like.....really like them...then also don't read this because it's just me yelling about how I don't like them

And finally 3....there is no grammar or punctuation and I don't wanna put it so without further adieu

MY THOUGHTS ABOUT ERIC HARRIS AND DYLAN KLEBOLD AND WHY THEY SUCK

Ok context I've been doing this thing where I get baked and watch disturbing hour long iceberg videos it's fucking awesome you should try it anyway I was watching "the disturbing and controversial video games iceberg"

Here:

https://youtu.be/sQ1wzo2Zh14?si=Dq74dIht-POE-anC

And on like...teir 3 I think there was this one game titled "super colombine massacre RPG" it's.... exactly what it sounds like and the last teir was doom maps made by Eric harris and idk after watching that video....it stuck with me not in a way that traumatized me but....I kept thinking about those guys their names and faces so often it's like....every other thought and I think a lot

And because I think about them so often I feel bad about it because I feel like one of the people who have a crush on these guys....I don't have a crush on them I have no positive feelings for these greasy mudballs

AND THEY ARE BOTH....JUST ASS LIKE THEY GENUINELY FUCKING SUCK IDK HOW Y'ALL EVEN LIKE THESE DUDES I HATE THEIR GUTS

SPEAKING OF WHICH.....HOW DO Y'ALL EVEN SIMP FOR THESE TRASHMITES

LIKE ERIC HARRIS IS THE MOST AVERAGE LOOKING MOTHER FUCKER I'VE EVER SEEN LIKE....I KNOW LIKE 5 DUDES WHO LOOK LIKE HIM

DYLAN ON THE OTHER HAND LOOKS LIKE THE DEFENTION OF GREASY LIKE THEY ARE BOTH.....JUST....NO

AND ME THINKING ABOUT THEM CONSTANTLY PROBABLY ISNT GREAT FOR MY MENTAL HEALTH BECAUSE IM SCSRED TO GO BUY A SODA AT NIGHT BECAUSE I HAVE THIS IRRATIONAL FEAR THELAT THEY'RE GHOSTS ARE GONNA GET ME....I KNOW THAT WON'T HAPPEN THERES NO WAY IT COULD

ANOTHER REASON IT SUCKS FOR MY MENTAL HEALTH I THINK LIKE.... ALMOST EVERY OTHER GUY MIGHT SHOOT UP MY SCHOOL THAT MAKES ME KINDA PARANOID

AND FINALLY I WAS IN CLASS AND A CLASS MATE OF MINE CAME A LITTLE LATE WEARING A TRENCH COAT AND SHADES I ALMOST HAD A GODDAMN HEART ATTACK ITS NOT OK

AND OH HO HO HO MAN....I FOUND SHIT I FUCKING FOUND....WEIRD SHIT I TRIED TO GO ON THIS SITE CAUSE I THOUGHT MAYBE THERE ARE OTHER HATE POSTS ABOUT THESE GUYS....THEN I REMEMBER ITS FUCKING TUMBLR I FOUND THE FANDOM....THID MADE ME FEEL WORSE LIKE....I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO CONFESS THAT IM NOT ATTRACTED TO THESE FUCK WADS AT ALL LIKE 50 TIMES I FEEL BAD LOOK MAKE ALL THE DYLRIC SHIT YOU WANT MAN BUT FUCK....I DON'T WANNA BE LIKE YOU (wow that sounds mean I'm sorry)

THE FICS ARE WORSE MAN....THEY ARE SO..... IDK HOW TO SAY IT BUT I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER FELT TRUE DREAD TILL NOW

IVE BEEN HAVING DREAMS ABOUT THEM BRO ITS NOT GOOD

(I had this dream where Eric and Dylan lived in one of those influencer mansions like hype house or something and they were telling all the tik tokers about this thing called "cliff terroism" it's domestic terroism but better for the environment and JFK from clone high was there he approved this message)

THERE ARE.... CHARACTER AI BOTS OF THEM.....I-I HAD TO TRY THEM I HAD TO SEE I USED IT TO YELL AT THEM AND THEY WERE LIKE "ur mom" AND I ALSO PRETENDED TO BE A DOG BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL BETTER

I TRIED SO HARD TO GET MY MIND OFF THEM I GOT HOOKED ON WALLY DARLING FOR A BIT SO I GOT CHAT GPT TO WRITE AN ESSAY ON WHY WALLY DARLING IS BETTER THEN THOSE FUCKING ASS RATS

LIKE I..... I FUCKING HATE IT AND THEM AND WHAT HAPPENED AND MAYBE DEEP DOWN I HATE MYSELF A LITTLE TOO

Thanks for listening...I really needed this

#tcc tumblr #tccblr #tcc columbine #columbine 1999 #Eric Harris #dylan Klebold #eric and dylan #dylric #reb and vodka #columbine massacre #columbine school shooting #columbine high massacre #rant post #vent post

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hollowfaith · 9 months

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[ indigo ] when did you first start writing / roleplaying?

[ plum ] are you more of a dialogue or a description writer?

[ mulberry ] what tips would you give someone with writer's block?

[ coral ] give a shoutout to one of your favorite blogs.

🐝 * ― 𝑪𝑶𝑳𝑶𝑼𝑹𝑭𝑼𝑳 𝑰𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑽𝑰𝑬𝑾. ( send one or more of these to get to know the person behind the blog a little better. )

(these are going to get long so i'll put a readmore to spare the dashboard lol)

[ indigo ] when did you first start writing / roleplaying?

for writing (stories) i'd say in early middle school when i realized fanfiction was a thing. before that i just did a lot of journaling, or i'd finish a trip with family and write a long essay about everything we did on the trip. anyways when the fanfic itch hit i wrote obsessively and even titled my story journals as i finished them so i could keep them in chronological order. (like i had one named after spring, another for summer, fall, winter, etc. and then a series named after favorite gemstones x flowers). i think i filled 40+ notebooks of various sizes by high school? they're still somewhere in the basement at my parents' place probably.

then i found ff.net and realized people posted their stuff online so i tried that a bit, and when ff.net started getting dated i moved onto ao3. i don't have as much energy or drive to write the crazy crossover AUs i used to do but it's still nice to post there, or make up original short stories for fun. anyways TL;DR i'm always writing something somewhere sometime~

for RP i wanna say...early 2000s? back when forum RPs were a thing. and i don't mean the fancy kind they have now where you can custom-theme your posts, but just plain message boards where you started a topic to make "threads" and replies to that thread made up your interactions, and the rest of the board was divided up so you had locations in one place and character profiles in another, etc etc. they were everywhere and constantly opening and shutting down so i went everywhere too, lol. also signed up for this digimon PbEM RP group where they had a plotline and an all-original crest lineup but you had to make up your own digidestined and digimon and apply to join. then we'd RP on a word doc and email it to the next person in the group to get the story going. it was sooo old school but it was genuinely fun. i also applied to join a livejournal MFRP group but got rejected because my app wasn't good enough hahaha that got me a little scarred so i hid away from MFRP for awhile

(also a special bonus to the time my friends and i RPed as neopets faeries in a composition book we'd pass around in school between periods.)

for tumblr RP i think it was like 2014 or 2015 after a RP hiatus? the messageboards were dead or dying by then and heck if i was going to learn livejournal and its weird system so i joined some ancient chinese themed MFRP group with a similar chinese drama-inspired muse but that shut down within a month so i wandered around until i found a bigger more active group and stuck around there. and now i'm on and off here. :)

[ plum ] are you more of a dialogue or a description writer?

when it comes to RP, i think i lean more towards description because i need to give context to my muse's lines. but for stories i'm more dialogue heavy, and i enjoy writing exchanges back and forth between characters.

[ mulberry ] what tips would you give someone with writer's block?

i don't know if i'm the best person to ask but when i'm stuck on writer's block i work on a different...writing project..... you know they all have different vibes and stuff so a change of scenery gives the mind a break and stuff? it's good.

and it works because i still wanna write, i just don't want to write for Thing A so why not Thing B lol.

it also helps to find a focus, most of my writing block woes come because i don't know where/what to do next, so maybe i find a song, a pretty quote, or an icon that gives me the right "vibes" for what i want to express and think up the rest of the post from that.

it also helps to have a smaller goal to work towards even if you don't know how the ending will turn out. for example, if in a thread my A is interacting with your B and i think to myself "well according to what i've read in B's app he'd prolly hate A and think him a prick, so it'd be interesting if A gets a chance to showcase his prick side in this thread eventually," then i'd insert stuff into my replies to gradually make A more annoying and play off what B replies to work towards that "goal."

of course since RP is directed by both sides those mini-goals sometimes get sidetracked, but then it's fun to see in what new direction we take the interaction instead haha

[ coral ] give a shoutout to one of your favorite blogs.

i can’t stress enough how helpful quotes/musings blogs are for like aesthetics or muse inspirations for me and the nice thing is most of them are still around even if they haven’t updated in years so HERE HAVE THIS POST WITH LINKS TO A BUNCH MORE GREAT MUSINGS POSTS BLOGS

#𝔔𝔲𝔢𝔯𝔶 ࿐ answered #𝔒𝔱𝔦𝔲𝔪 𓄖 ooc #sunsage

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princessofmerc · 2 years

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i feel like nepotism only functions as an insult when it’s inherently obvious that someone got a career handed to them with 0 talent and even the accomplishments they have achieved in said career have no relation to talent, i.e. lily depp or lila moss

but when u look at other nepo babies who yes they have had millions of doors opened for them they atleast are good at what they’ve been given like billie eilish or zoe kravitz

i think u can lump drivers like max and lando into the latter but sorry nicky your definitely category no. 1 - lance falls somewhere in between imo

Nope. No. No. No.

Two things about the Nicky dig: I disagree with you. Immensely. Especially when Nicky got closer to a Junior title than Max Verstappen ever did. In my first draft I wrote an essay on that but you know what you're not going to see eye to eye with me on that even if I have facts and I don't care. What I do ask of you is that bringing him into a conversation that isn't about him at all, as you just did: make you own post. See how many people care. But don't use my askbox, my blog for your bullshit because next time I am going to block you. I will not allow Nicky slander on my blog.

Which also ties into the second part: Yes there is a difference between the "pay drivers " (Nicky, Lance, even Norris) whose rich daddies paved their way into the sport by paying a lot of money and that you bring it up shows that you're not finishing that thought.

Because additional to the high amount of money that the pay drivers parents payed, the nepo babies also got an easier way because let's face it in motorsports people are more likely to pay attention when there is a Verstappen, a Magnussen, a Sainz or a Schumacher. They already have the connections that are necessary to get a good career. They already know who to talk to and sponsors will come up to them.

Because when Max got into this sport it was a basis of... a couple of karting championships. That's like I'm gonna get a Nobel prize for having an A in maths once in school. At the same time as he was driving on the same level as Lance and Nicky and Esteban he got a Formula 1 seat. And why?

Because his father (famous Formula 1 driver) made a Formula 1 team believe another team was interested as well. And it wasn't two random teams. It was Red Bull and Mercedes.

While George Russell was shortly before not being able to continue his driving career because of missing funds and was only able to carry on because he won the McLaren Mercedes Motorsport award and because he himself had to build the connection to Toto Wolff himself Max, someone who drove well but didn't win anything in single seaters got promoted to Formula 1. Max, having achieved nothing in single seaters got promoted into a midfield team at the time while F2 champions got placed into the worst car in existence. And why?

Because his dad had enough influence. It doesn't matter that he's not a bad driver (although I'd wager he'd do just as bad as Nicky in the Williams because he hasn't had to drive a car that wasn't to his liking in the past years). What does matter is that there were doors opened just on the basis of him having a father that was already well known in the industry and that is nepotism baby.

Same goes for Sainz, Magnussen and yes Mick as well (and for future reference Jack as well) . Just because they profited from nepotism does not mean they didn't achieve anything. But they did have it easier in many ways than others.

And one last thing because I can't stop myself: Nicky was closer in 2019 to win a junior championship than Max Verstappen ever was.

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dillskyy · 9 months

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Self Assessment Post

1. I believe that my reading ability stayed about the same as it was coming in, although I think it was important to still practice the skills we learned so that they stay with me in later english classes. Specifically the way we learn to unpack an essay or article (CRAPP) helped me a lot to look for what was important to me in an article. For example, I needed to find an article about CTE research, I knew that looking at the title helped but also to look at the abstract also to see if some of the further details of the essay were important to me too.

2. Revisions are something I definitely needed to work on coming into this class. I had maybe revised an essay once in my high school time and never really learned to do it properly. I think the way we had our essays written and the writing center visits helped me to see why I needed to revise my essays and how to do them. I feel now that I know more about myself writing wise to know what to look for. I found that I was writing too many unneeded sentences in my writing that I needed to cut down on. Before I would just submit an essay and be done with it.

3. As with the revising, being more self aware of my own writing helped me to find what I needed to work on most, as well as what I do well in my writing. Learning multiple styles of unpacking articles or creating outlines like we did in class has opened my mind more academically but also just gave me more tools to use in my writing. I feel more comfortable in revisions because I can see more clearly what my essay does well and can need improvement.

4. I feel this did not change much because I believe I just like researching a lot and have spend the most time in classes in this step. One thing the library meeting taught me was to utilize all of the databases available to me. I used Medline a lot this semester for research when before I strictly stuck to EBSCO and occasionally Gale. Now that I am getting more comfortable with using Onesearch and the other databases makes me feel more comfortable with finding academic sources better than I did coming in.

5. I was very confident in my ability to find sources, especially since using the database already helped with checking credibility for me. I know that I can work on finding truly unbiased sources as sometimes I do not know what to look for. I do feel this class did teach me how to integrate the sources into my writing better. Specifically, introducing the writer and giving them credibility in the essay. This was something I hadn’t done much in my previous classes and now I see the importance of it. Because without it, they could be just anyone to the reader.

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meat-wentz · 2 years

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Not to be creepy but I’ve been lurking through all your playlists on Spotify because of the pool boy one and duuuuuude their so good! I know you mentioned having a process about playlists so can you spill your secrets because apparently I need to up my playlist game.

omgggg not creepy at all, ty for listening to my brain worms!!!! ALSO THANK YOU FOR THIS QUESTION I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS ON HOW TO CREATE PERFECT PLAYLISTS. buckle up for a long post. (links at the end lol)

this is a habit primarily formed out of two things:

1) making personalized mix cds for my friends through high school and into college because i never had money to buy them gifts for birthdays or holidays. (literally a core tenant of this practice was starting every mix with money by the drums so they knew “i want to buy you something but i don’t have any money”). this helps you cater your music taste to a specific person, encapsulate who they are to you, and also what you want to give them as a sign of your affection, whether it be a song that aligns with their music taste, or a song that sends a message (i want to buy you something), or just something that describes the relationship you two have. this skill helps a lot when you move from friends to characters and shaping those characters in your brain!

2) watching a lot of movies, promptly downloading the soundtracks onto my ipod and studying them throughout high school and college. in fact, much of my music taste has been formed by my favorite movies so i always recommend putting on your favorite soundtracks and studying the way they capture the feeling, atmosphere, visuals, and narrative of the movie they’re attached to.

^ this has also helped me INFINITELY with writing, fiction or non-fiction, i always need to be completely immersed when i write and what i listen to is soooo important in keeping me in the headspace. for instance i wrote an huge portion of an essay on haunted houses as physical/traumatized bodies solely listening to get out of my house by kate bush on repeat for like months.

i typically start with a few things if i’m going for a more themed, narrative playlist: a title, three core songs, and a sort of visual guide (typically a playlist cover, could be a bit of a mood board if you prefer), a little bit of a one or two sentence narrative in the back of my head.

title says what it’s going to be and keeps you in the headspace, similarly with the cover art. these things keep me from straying too far from the sound or narrative im attempting to set up. getting distracted during playlists is easy to do!! you might want to put every cheeky vampire song on the damn thing but that’s not what we’re here to do! we keep it concise, it’s a curation, specifically selected songs in a specifically set order. this is why it’s always good to have that one or two sentence plot in the back of your head along with the three core songs. they’re like your beginning, middle and end. use those three songs to build from sound-wise and narrative-wise/transition from the beginning to the middle to the end.

you’ll notice that pool boy at the vampire mansion has three separate sections: a short opening of three songs about swimming/wetness/being sexy (focus on the fact that he’s a damn pool boy), a middle which is mostly funky little covers of disco/groove songs all surrounding the center piece stayin alive, all very sexy (pool shed sex chapter), and then the maneating blood fiend portion at the end, songs that focus on blood, murder, maneating, etc (pool boy now fully aware his employers are blood-sucking fiends). transitioning from one chapter to the next with a little side step into the 80’s and back out.

REMEMBER: COVERS ARE YOUR FRIEND. it would not have made sense for my personal ear to hear the original versions of the little disco chapter, instead opting for more industrial grit, dirty guitar noises, heavy bass, growling or screamy or sultry vocals, AND COVERS HELP ME ACHIEVE THAT. you’ll also notice the sexy boy motif, beginning with the og and ending with a dramatic sweeping strings cover, it shows we start somewhere and we end up somewhere else, the same but changed in a notable way (i do this a lot with specifically character based playlists). beginnings and ends are very important, sometimes i mirror them sonically, sometimes literally through good use of a cover, sometimes i’ll even opt for, like, pure atmosphere like wood larks chirping in a forest ssoundscape, no music at all.

puns and subverting songs to fit your needs creates a rich a layered text!! for instance “i’m your boogie man” means hello i boogie down on the dance floor, but in the context of a vampire playlist: that’s a literal boogieman in your closet.

also references are everything for people listening who will get it even if others don’t. this is why i pay so much attention to soundtracks! like you may not see operate by peaches as a halloween song but guess the fuck what it’s the song that plays during the halloween party in mean girls. you may not see backstreet’s back as a halloween song but if you watch the music video, that’s a fucking halloween song. make the reference!! it’s rewarding!! fit songs to your needs!!

i’ve mentioned this before but i got a lot of experience just being on 8tracks and listening to themed playlists there for years on end, as well as finding a BUNCH of music i wouldn’t have found otherwise.

some general rules i like to abide by:

personal playlists can be whatever, but themed playlists should adhere to a specific order and flow, as well as limiting play time to an hour and a half at most (feature film length or, generally i go for hour playlists that are the length of a good hour long episode of television)

generally try to limit the same artist to two or three songs at most, and never next to each other unless it’s like a FEATURE that those songs are next to each other.

spotify recommends proves to be a useful tool if you’re stuck.

i try to be subtle. if im making a playlist about a certain film, i won’t use a song from the actual movie, or i’ll opt for a cover of a song from the film instead. if i’m making a playlist about gerard or frank or whoever, i won’t put any of their music on the playlist (i will however use music they’ve mentioned liking). if im making a vampire playlist or a fairy playlist or whatever, i’ll try to avoid vampire or fairy songs and opt for songs about like blood or fangs or the forest instead.

also rules were made to be broken! i break my rules all the time! my style will not be everyone’s but ive found it to be successful for my playlist needs and also just generally in aiding my creativity. i will now plug some of my favorite themed playlists ive made:

Pool Boy at the Vampire Mansion

I’ll See You in My Dreams: A Twin Peaks Love Story

Misty Mud-Laiden Moors

Fever Dreams of the Erl King and His Thorny Touch

A Sleepy Western Motel Crawling with Vampire Cowboys

Songs for Sleuthing

Teenaged Outlaws

Ivy Leagues & Old Money

Anthems for Slutty Mechanics

The Flaxen-Haired Maiden and the Knight of the Seelie Court

NEW!! Sit. Stay. Beg.

i should also mention that i have a few reserve playlists of JUST music to add to playlists at some point, organized into: songs i just want to weasel in somewhere or will be helpful later, just covers, atmospheric or instrumental, and just generally spooky or sexy songs waiting to be somewhere. sometimes i’ll scroll through each of those and be like aha! a theme!! and go for it!!

#playlist #anon #anon i’m sorry to answer this while the queen is literally dead lmao but here you go if you want it still #thank you again for this ask i’m sorry i’ve had this q on reserve for this long typing is stupid

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aquamarinescarlet · 3 years

Text

The Half of It

Pairing: Gerri Fields x Reader

Word count: ~ 5.5k

Warnings: catfishing (kind of), crushing on a straight girl… y’know, the basics

Request: Hello there! Not sure if you take requests but there’s a movie titled the half of it and I thought it would be a great fanfic idea for a lizzie (or any of her characters) x reader (if you’re not busy of course)

Author’s note: Alright, I cut this in two parts ‘cause it needed a lot of editing and I wanted to post it soon. Thank you anon who sent the request, I loved writing this, I hope you like it. Stay tuned for part two.

Taglist: @b0mbdotc0m

Part 1 - Part 2

The ancient Greeks believed the human body was once formed by 4 legs, 4 arms and a head with two faces. They were complete. So complete that the Gods, fearing their wholeness would not require a need for worship, separated them in two, leaving our split selves to wander the Earth in misery, forever longing for their other half. It was believed that when one half meets the other, there’s a harmony, a moment of no greater joy.

Of course, the ancient Greeks never went to high school, or realized they don’t need the Gods to mess things up for them.

Perhaps humans spend too much time looking for someone to complete them. How many people find true love? And if they do, make it last?

All the more evidence to support Camus theory that life is irrational… meaningless.

And that, my friends, is an A plus is philosophy. You thought to yourself as you discreetly passed around the papers during quire class, your phone chiming with notifications from money sent by Tori, Steve, Coraline, or whoever had paid you to write their essays this time.

Mr. Fields, completely oblivious to your secret scheme, stood in front of the class, explaining something about the talent show which you couldn’t be bothered to pay attention to. Soon enough everyone was standing, per the professor's request, following along to some music sheet he had handed.

You sat by the piano, following along with the rest of the band, although completely lost on what you were, in fact, supposed to do.

There were at least half a dozen seniors singing, and yet you couldn’t help but only pay attention to her. Gerri Fields. The girl dating the hottest, most popular guy in school. The girl who always had her nose buried in some book. The girl with the most angelic voice you’ve heard.

Maybe it was all in your head, but she overpowered the whole room. Her voice completely filling the space.

Unfortunately the moment was short and soon the bell rang. Since quire was your last period, you now found yourself biking back home. The ride was boring, as much as it was every single day. You appreciated the nature surrounding you, the peace and quiet, seemingly alone, or so you thought. You were pushed to the floor, being completely broken from your daze.

“What is your problem?” You said while picking yourself and your bike up.

“Sorry- I’m sorry- I just…” the boy trailed off and you noticed he had a paper in hand.

“Ten dollars for three pages, twenty for three to ten.” He looked at you nervously.

“I’m not trying to cheat.” He simply stated.

“Then what’s that?”

“A letter.” He handed it to you and you quickly opened it.

“Who even writes letters these days?” You read the name on the top, Gerri Fields.

“I thought it’d be romantic.” You folded the paper back, looking at him with disbelief.

“Dude, I’m not writing for Ger- some girl.”

“Why not?”

“Letters are supposed to be authentic not-”

“That’d be great,” he interrupted you.

“No,” this boy must be stupider than you thought, “I cannot be you being authentic,” your patience was starting to wear thin “look, get a dictionary, read some poetry, and good luck Romeo.”

“I can pay more for authentic.” You heard him scream, but you were already far ahead.

Back home, you took the interaction off of your mind and focused on your studies in the living room, while your dad watched a movie. Your concentration was broken by the lights flickering, you knew he hadn’t paid the bill, so you made a mental note to call the company first thing the next day.

And that’s exactly what you did. You rang them first thing in the morning and was put on hold. While you biked to school, during class, while you practiced piano alone in the band room, at least two times in which you had to avoid the boy in the corridor... throughout all that you were on hold.

You were so concentrated that you bumped into someone on your way to class, all your stuff falling to the floor. You leaned down to pick’em up when a pair of shoes came into view.

“These hallways are murder,” you looked up to find none other than Gerri Fields.

Her brown hair tied into a bun, a few loose strands framing her face perfectly. Her body dressed with the characteristic boho-chic clothes, and somehow her green eyes out shined all that color.

“I’m Y/N Y/L/N,” you muttered when you noticed you were staring.

“I know,” she responded while picking up your stuff, “you’ve been playing my dad’s services for years now. You’re his favourite, he hates mediocre accompanists,” you couldn’t think straight when her eyes met yours.

She handed your stuff, while you just remained completely silent, and walked away. You just stared, the hallways now empty due to the bell just ringing.

You were brought back to reality by the voice on the phone.

“Miss Y/L/N, your bill is three months overdue, we will need a minimum payment of fifty dollars by tomorrow or we’ll be forced to terminate your power.” Your mind was empty with ideas of how to solve this.

On cue, the boy from yesterday, who was running down the hallway, stopped by you, looking expectant.

“Fifty dollars. One letter. After that, you’re on your own,” your face was one of pure annoyance.

He raised his hand in celebration, but you just turned and walked the other, him following suit.

Dear Gerri Fields, I think you’re really beautiful. Even if you were ugly, I’d wanna know you, because you’re smart and nice, too. It’s hard to find all those things in one girl, but even if you were only two of those things, I’d be into it. But you’re, like, all three, just to be clear.

You were shocked, to say the least. The fact that normal teenagers wouldn’t write essays such as yours was not news to you, but this letter, this was something else.

About me: Some people think I’m the cutest one in my family. Those people being my grandma… who’s dead now. Nevermind my dead grandma. All I’m saying is that I like fries. I like dipping them in my milkshake. Is that weird? It’s actually really tasty. Would you like to try that with me sometime? I work part-time and I have a truck. Let me know whenever. Thanks. David Avery.

“So what you’re trying to say is-”

“I’m in love with her.” He blurted out, not giving you enough time to take that all in.

“Have you ever spoken to her?”

“I- I- I’m not good with words.” Shocking, still you pitied him as he looked at you, slightly ashamed.

“And you know you’re in love with her?” You tried to take in the whole picture of what you had gotten herself into.

“I know I think of her when I go to sleep, when I’m working at the ice cream stand, when I go to the beach, when I’m at the studio, when-” you cut off his rambling.

“That just means you’re stubborn, not that you’re in love.”

“No, it’s love. Love makes you screwy. Don’t you get screwy?”

“No.” Who gets screwy because of someone? How does that even make sense? This thing was going to be more trouble than you initially anticipated.

Your attention shifted back to the piece of paper on your hands. A pen scribbling over the words, trying to figure out how you could fix the mess that this was.

“Oh, I get it,” David said, while you mumbled random ideas, “you’ve never been in love.”

He got into your nerves. What does it matter if you’ve been in love or not? You considered getting out of this, leaving him to try his own luck, but you needed the money, so you just got up, shoving the letter onto his chest and saying,

“You want a letter about love? I’ll write you a letter about love,” and stomping away angrily.

Writing it turned out to be more of a challenge than you thought. You were again sitting in the living room, watching a french movie with your dad, struggling to get the words onto the paper.

You were close to giving up when a sentence, uttered by one of the characters on the TV, caught your attention.

“Longing… longing for a wave of love to swell up in me.” That would work.

The next morning you handed David the finished piece, sealed so he couldn’t look at what you’ve written.

Yet again you were caught by David while biking back home. Thankfully this time he didn’t throw you onto the floor, he didn’t need to since you stopped immediately when he said she’d written back. Of course you had said ‘one letter’, but you were allowed to be a little curious at her response.

He caught up with you and handed the letter.

Dear David, I like Wim Wenders too. Wouldn’a plagiarized him though. - Gerri

She was good, better than you expected.

“Who’s Wim Wenders, and why did you cheat off of him?”

You couldn’t be bothered by his confusion, completely ignoring his question, you were interested, you were hooked, you were eager to see what she would come up with next.

“This is good.” You mumbled.

“How?”

“It’s- It’s like a game. She’s challenging us. But in a good way.” And for some reason, you were willing to take that challenge.

You biked away leaving him behind like a lost puppy.

“Game on, Gerri Fields. Game on.”

Dear Gerri, okay, you got me. I sometimes hide behind other people’s words. For one thing, I know nothing about love. I’m 17. I’ve lived in Squahamish my whole life.

“Such a downer,” David finished reading the, still incomplete, second letter you wrote for him.

“Not a downer,” you retorted.

“Major downer, ask her to hang out.”

“What do you mean by ‘hanging out’?” You asked with genuine curiosity, doing everyone’s homework had kept you from having an active social life. The fact that you lived in such a small town did not help. “Like… what do you do?”

His friends interrupted the conversation before he could explain.

I hang out with my friends. I keep my head down. I’m a simple… guy. Which is to say, if I knew what love was, I would quote myself. - David

“Psst, in here,” David called from the confessionary, “she wrote back.”

The second letter had been finished and sent, and now you had another response.

Dear David, Did you know it takes 11 muscles to yawn? This is the sort of weird fact I find myself recalling to keep myself from… well, yawning. Or showing anything I feel really. So, yeah, I turn to other people’s words, too. When you’re a pretty girl, and I know it makes me sound conceited, but that’s why you’re even writing me, right? When you’re a pretty girl, people want to give you things. What they really want is to make you like them. Not like them as in ‘I like you’, but like them as in ‘I am like you’. So I’m like a lot of people, which makes me kind of no one. - Gerri

“Can I text her now?” What was up with this guy and going so fast?

“Too soon,” you quickly shut him down.

You left him inside that church, mind bubbling with ideas as to what to write next.

I never thought about the oppression of fitting in before. The good thing about being different is that no one expects you to be like them. - David

Doesn’t everyone think they’re different, but… pretty much we’re all different in the same way? - Gerri

Says the girl perched on the rarefied peak of Mt. Popularity. - David

Easy Mr. I-Know-Nothing-About-Love. I may surprise you. - Gerri

The messages became shorter, and somehow deeper. It was no longer a simple exchange of letters, it became some sort of a game, and Gerri was a damn great player. So much so that you didn’t even notice her coming into the bathroom while you washed your hands, lost on thoughts of the conversations you’ve been secretly having.

She was leaning against the wall, her hair pulled up by those bandanas she’s always using. When your eyes met, you stopped breathing for a second, nervousness prickling at your skin from the prospect of getting caught on the scheme you had with David.

But she just smiled, and you could’ve stayed there, looking at her for hours. Unfortunately the other girls chatting in the bathroom, oblivious to both your presences, scared her away when the topic of her boyfriend came up.

You could sense how hurt she was by those words, how they talked her down by talking him up. It was the first time you’ve seen first hand how this universe that she was trapped in could suck sometimes. All you wished was to punch their faces. She didn’t deserve to be treated like that.

What’s surprising is: people don’t see what they’re not looking for. - David

The obvious unseen. - Gerri

You were getting too caught up by this. No longer writing people’s essays for them. To the point where even one of the teachers started to notice. It was funny how she knew everyone cheated and still preferred to cover for them over having to read what they’d actually write.

You didn’t care. You were getting the money and Gerri Fields was piquing your interest immensely. She was much more than you expected.

I’ve been thinking about what you said - about seeing and not seeing. I had a painting teacher once tell me that the difference between a good painting and a great painting is typically five strokes And they’re usually the five boldest strokes in the painting. The question, of course, is which five strokes? - Gerri

Along with the message came attached a picture of a painting. It was a challenge. Would you be able to see those five strokes?

I get it. After one’s slaved away at making a pretty good painting, the last thing you’d want to do is make a bold stroke and potentially… - David

Ruin everything. - Gerri

You spent hours analysing the painting. You had your ideas of what those strokes were, but had she seen the same thing? Or did she see it from a totally different perspective?

You tried to explain to David the strokes. How to read a painting like it was a book. Showed him the painting she’d sent. Explained what made that painting a great painting.

Sure, he didn’t understand any of it, just nodding along, which surprised you since he has interest in pictures. It was pointless, but he was still the one she was flirting with, the least you could do was to keep him alert, curious, aware of who Gerri Fields was and what he was in for.

That’s why I gave up painting. Still, I wonder if that is how I’m living my life. It’s a… pretty good life. Probably the best life one could hope for in Squahamish. - Gerri

It was time to step up your game.

Perhaps… but how well do you really know Squahamish? 41.1º24’12.2”N 2.1º10’2.65”E - David

You found a simple stroke of paint on the mural you had prepared. The coordinates you sent her led to this empty wall, a few bottles of spray paint sat at the bottom. Since you’re talking about paintings, why not make one yourselves?

Oh, so that’s your boldest stroke? - David

I’m into the slow build! What was that? - Gerri

The conversation had shifted from a paper and pen to paint and a wall. You had added some random pattern, and came back to find she had done some of her own as well. Let’s see what you can do, Gerri.

Decisiveness, but please… take all the time you need to be BOLD. - David

Is this BOLD enough for you? - Gerri

What was once a splash of light green paint was now overpowered by a golden figure in the center, specks of a darker green surrounding it. Now that’s a bit more like it.

And thus was abstract art born… - David

And transformed. - Gerri

It wasn’t just the spray paint this time. She had broughten tools of her own. The golden figure had taken the form of a woman, delicate shades forming her body and marking the roots of her hair. A star at the tip of her hand.

It was a great painting. No change needed. No more bold strokes.

Unfortunately, it was gone as soon as it came to life. A now white wall hiding what was once a great piece of art.

Or not. - Gerri

Everything beautiful is ruined eventually… Maybe that’s the thing. If you do ruin your painting, you gotta know you have everything in you to get to that pretty good painting again. - David

But if you never do the bold stroke… - Gerri

You’ll never know if you could’ve had a great painting. - David

“But when does the dating start?” Why does this boy have to be so impatient?

“This is dating.”

“No, dating is burgers and fries and shakes. And maybe another order of fries. And…”

This was a shallow way of putting it, you thought, there must be more to dating than eating fast food and talking about dead grandmas. Although you wouldn’t know, life hasn’t given you much opportunity for dating.

“... I’m gonna text her.” Your eyes went wide with those words.

“Wait, what?”

Before you reached him he had already sent out the message. Fast food emojis, tonight was spelled ‘tonite’, it was all wrong, so wrong. You watched the phone intently, waiting for a response, hoping you’d get a response.

Those three little dots appeared and disappeared, making your heart sink in your chest.

You had to think, and you had to think fast. David was getting utterly frustrated behind you and no response was coming. A thousand ideas went by your head when a specific one seemed a good enough excuse.

“Little sister hacked my phone. Can we take this to a safer platform? Ghost Messenger? My handle’s ‘Smith Corona’.” You typed frantically.

“Who’s Smith Corona?”

“Just… a guy,” you shrugged him off.

The both of you were staring anxiously at the screen when, once again, those three little dots appeared and disappeared, earning loud sighs from you. So this was it? All that for a stupid message to ruin everything? Would Gerri really give up that easily just because she now thinks David’s a moron?

The sound of an incoming message on your phone broke you out of your thoughts, raising your hopes back again. You fumbled to your bag and there it was.

‘New Ghost Message’

DiegaRivero: So… where are these fries?

“Yes!” You and David celebrated. Gerri wasn’t that easily scared off after all.

Although now you had a completely new problem. Gerri and David would go out together. On a date. Just the two of them. And you couldn’t be there to help him. The heavy feeling at the pit of your stomach was screaming at you that this wasn’t going to work.

Sparky’s Diner was the place of choice. Secluded, not that popular, nice food. A good choice. You had David on the phone while he drove.

“She prefers abstract to representational. If she brings up Remains of the Day, talk about how the movie loses out by not spending more time on the Nazis.” You explained, more to comfort yourself than to help him, you really didn’t want him to screw this all up.

“Relax. I got this.” This boy is too confident for his own good. “It’s a date, not a book report.”

He kept you on the line, his phone on speaker, but with no volume, so you could hear into their conversation while being at home. You were dreading having to listen to this.

“I got two of them signed when he came to Powell’s Books last year.” You heard her voice for the first time in a while, you assumed she was talking about Remains of the Day just like you had predicted. “I drove all night to get there.”

“Oh, uh… cool.” What an idiot.

“You’ve probably already read it. Thought you’d like one.” You were starting to pity the girl and the night she was in for.

“Uh, yeah, totally. No, I- I love, uh… Nazis.” You almost hit your head on the wall out of frustration. “I mean the- the- the ones in the book. I mean, like, more of those Nazis. Am I right?”

Silence settled for a few seconds, a pretty uncomfortable one you’d bet, before Gerri spoke again.

“Uh, speaking of Nazis, thank you for meeting me here. My dad… he isn’t a Nazi exactly, but, uh… he can be pretty strict. You know, people talk.”

“Um, yeah. Talk. Ugh.”

More silence.

“It’s nice… to make a new friend, though.” Points to Gerri for the effort, but damn was this going badly.

“A friend. Good.” He sounded disappointed but what did he expect, for her to propose or something? She has a boyfriend, and he knows it.

Silence filled the conversation more than words, David saying the stupidest things that definitely didn’t sound like what she expected of him. They didn’t sound like you. This was over and done with, but he just couldn’t accept it.

“It wasn’t that bad,” he tried to convince you the next morning while you biked.

“What about that date wasn’t bad? You have nothing in common.” You argued. “Game over!”

“I can’t give up!” He retorted.

“Look, you and Gerri Fields, not gonna happen.” You needed to get some sense into this boy’s head.

He, on the other hand, didn’t give up, following you all the way to this abandoned school bus.

“Gerri Fields thinks you’re into abstract art and repressed British literature. None of that is you.”

“It could be, I started reading that Remains of the Day book.” You were pleasantly surprised. “That’s gotta count for something.”

“There are no points for effort.” Gerri already thought highly of him, he could no longer win her over with just ‘trying’.

“Isn’t that what love is? How much effort you put into loving someone?” Is he right? You never experienced love, you wouldn’t know for sure.

“Well, whatever love is, we just blew it with Gerri Fields.”

On cue the sound a notification came from your phone, leaving the both of you shocked.

DiegaRivero: So that was… weird?

Maybe not everything was lost.

“We can do this!” David exclaimed. “I’ll pay you double,” he added when you didn’t say anything.

“You don’t have to pay me,” the words were out of your mouth before you could process them.

“Don’t be weird, why else would you do this?” You didn’t have an answer. You didn’t even know why you were still doing this.

You quickly accepted the offer so he wouldn’t get suspicious and, let’s be real, some extra cash could always come in handy.

Now that the game was back on, you devised a three week plan to get David ready for the next date. You didn’t have time to teach him everything, you had to be selective, deep versus broad-based learning. Spy on Gerri and specialize David on her favourite things.

Existentialism. Sartre. Camus. Hepburn. The Philadelphia Story. Conversation Lessons. Reconnaissance. Following Gerri around the movies, the pharmacy. Kathenne. The Roman Holiday. Mapping out her boyfriend, her interests, favourite foods. Watching her family, night dinners. Soon enough the entirety of the abandoned school bus was covered with information on any and everything you could gather on Gerri Fields.

Other than quire class, Sunday services were the only moments in which you could see Gerri Fields without creepily following her around town. Her father, Mr. Fields, was in charge of the church quire as well and, as Gerri had pointed out weeks ago, you were his favourite accompanist.

DiegaRivero: Do you think Father Shanley has any idea what’s going on around him?

You received the message in the middle of one of the services, after Father Shanley, who was in fact too old, had one of his ‘moments’, which basically meant he screamed some nonsense for no reason.

SmithCorona: I think Father Shanley KNOWS ALL

Your heart ached when Gerri turned and smiled at David, sitting amongst the crowd, while you watched from your place on the piano, above everyone else. It was lonely. But the fact that her eyes were on him just made it all the more lonelier.

The training with David kept going, conversation lessons making you both closer. While playing ping pong you’d learn about your past and present, suddenly aware of how sad it is that neither of you have ever been anywhere other than Squahamish. He has his truck, but the beach and his family business keep him stuck in town, and also away from pursuing his dream of working with photography. You, on the other hand, never even thought about leaving.

DiegaRivero: So… why you always up so late?

Night had fallen upon the small city before you even noticed.

SmithCorona: World’s asleep, more room for thoughts

DiegaRivero: Hour of secrets?

SmithCorona: Something like that

DiegaRivero: So what secrets… ?

It was in moments like this that you were reminded of the fact that she wasn’t talking to you, she was talking to David. Or, at least, that’s what she thought, and that secret was killing you inside.

After one of your ping pong/conversation lessons, you caught yourself wondering what it was about Gerri Fields that was so enticing to David. He knew nothing about her before this whole scheme started, and they had nothing in common.

“What do you like about Gerri?”

“She’s pretty,” he answered with no hesitation, “and smart… and she’s never mean. And she smells like fresh-ground flour.” See, nothing in common. “Why?”

“Just wondering.”

“What else could I like about her?”

The question got you thinking about what it was in Gerri that enticed you so much. Why you kept up with the game. Why you were so invested on it.

“I don’t know.” So many thoughts were flooding your mind. “How her eyes look right into yours. How… she twirls her hair when she’s reading.” Images of these moments going through your head. “How her laugh busts out like she can’t help herself and she stops being so perfect for just a few moments. She has at least five different voices. How you could live in an ocean of her thoughts and… feel like she knows, like really knows-” You stopped the moment you noticed David’s expression had turned into a mixture of surprise and disappointment.

“I’m so stupid.” Your heart stopped for a second. “I’m so dumb.”

“No,” you were getting desperate, “don’t think that I-”

“What you said,” his voice was louder, “that’s what you say when you love someone.”

“No I- I was just talking,” you weren’t sure if you were trying to convince yourself or him, “I- I would never, ever actually-”

“No, it is, and- and you don’t even care,” a rush of relief took over you. “I mean, I love her and I can’t even… agh!”

He was getting frustrated. He wanted to be as good as you were with words. Poetic and… romantic. That wasn’t his thing. You felt sorry for him, you really did. So much so that you caught yourself contradicting what you’d said weeks ago to him.

“You try… harder than anyone I’ve ever met,” your voice was soft, soothing his nerves, “to show a girl that you love her. And if love isn’t the effort you put in… then… what is it?

He smiled a little, calming your own nerves. This boy was starting to grow on you.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

David was becoming a friend, someone you truly care about. Despite how much it killed you to flirt with Gerri for him, you wanted him to be happy. You wanted this to work.

SmithCorona: No secrets. Just a good guy… and you should be with a good guy

These late night talks weren’t particularly helpful.

Three weeks passed and that second date was long overdue. This time you wouldn’t stay too far away from him, but close and ready to come to the rescue whenever he screwed up.

“Okay,” you opened the door to his truck, “Gerri. If she brings up immigration, you’ve been talking about the recent-”

“I know.”

“When in doubt, if the name is Italian, probably an artist. If French it’s probably a-”

“Hey.” You stopped your rambling. “Thanks.” His voice softened.

“Oh…” you were surprised, he had not thanked you yet for all of this, you did not quite know how to respond, “uh, sure.”

“I’m probably gonna crash and burn, but thanks for sticking it out with me anyway.” He was nervous, it was endearing.

“Well, not like you didn’t pay me,” you tried to lighten the mood, earning a gentle scoff from the boy. “You’re not gonna crash and burn.” You reassured him while he left the truck.

You didn’t believe your own words. He was totally gonna crash and burn. But a little boost of confidence couldn’t hurt.

They were sitting at one of the window seats at Sparky’s Diner. You could see them clearly, and, by the confusion on her face and the nervousness on his, you could tell it did not start well.

The conversation was clearly taking a weird turn. You couldn’t hear what they were saying but you could see none of them seemed to be enjoying the date that much. So you had an idea. You picked up your phone and typed Gerri a message.

SmithCorona: I get nervous when you’re close

She smiled at him. She bought it.

DiegaRivero: Why?

David, on the other hand, was totally confused by what was going on, and soon enough you received a message from him.

“Wut????”

“Look at your phone!” You typed back, she had to believe it was him who was texting her.

SmithCorona: …

DiegaRivero: …?

SmithCorona: …..

DiegaRivero: I’m just a girl

SmithCorona: You’re not just a girl

David was quick to interrupt, still being kept in the dark.

“WUT. ARE. YOU. SAYING???”

“STOP. LOOKING. AT. ME!!!” Why can’t he just go with it?

DiegaRivero: I’m not? Then what are you?

SmithCorona: Also… not just a girl

She giggled at the joke, and boy what you would have given to listen to it. David, still oblivious, gave her thumbs up, while she just stared him up and down, totally confused. You don’t blame her, it feels like it’s two different people because it is, and if the boy doesn’t learn better, he won’t get her ‘cause she’ll be stuck in this idea of who he is.

DiegaRivero: You’re strange, but cute

SmithCorona: You have classic bone structure

You typed, instead of sending all the things you were thinking about her just by staring at her through a window.

DiegaRivero: ...Thanks

Your mind tried to think of something, what to say next, but came out empty. While you brainstormed something that was fit for Gerri Fields, David decided to take matters into his own hands.

“I don’t wanna be just friends,” he stood up abruptly and spoke loud enough that even you could hear.

No, moron, that’s how you crash and burn. But of course David wouldn’t listen to you, your advice. Too eager, too impatient, unable to enjoy the build up. If he didn’t ruin everything before,for sure he would do it now. And you were helpless, there was nothing you could do from inside his truck at this point.

You couldn’t listen to what they were saying and it was nerve racking. His mouth moved, she just stared, and it all seemed uncomfortable and confusing, until it wasn’t. He smiled, he sat back across from her, and when she turned she was smiling too. That moron had figured it out on his own.

You were proud of him. But you were also a little sad. He was starting to walk by himself, soon enough he would not need you anymore. And yet you were enjoying this little game. You were enjoying these interactions with Gerri, even if she didn’t know it was really you she was talking to.

That was the deal when you signed up for this. You flirt, you put in the work, and David ends up with the girl. Why you ever thought it would happen differently is beyond you.

So, reluctantly, you left his truck. You left them alone. David could carry himself from here on out. There was no point in being there anymore.

And yet, you wanted to be there so bad.

#gerri fields #gerri fields x reader #gerri fields imagine #very good girls #elizabeth olsen x reader #wanda maximoff x reader

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ipaaciir · 3 years

Text

How do I get good grades?

[ID: A banner that reads "Study tips" in all caps in pale green color, with pale yellow background and a geometric pattern in pale green in the corners. End ID].

If there's something I've learned from getting straight A's at school and university is that it's less about what you know and more about what your habits and skills are.

Look, I have this classmate who is always reading advanced books, listening to podcasts, and watching conferences. She knows A LOT. But this adorable person doesn't do homework, when she does, it's late or poorly done. Her comments in class are lacking coherence and her essays are badly referenced. All of this just lower her grades.

So what can she do? How do I get good grades?

[Disclaimer: these tips are based on my own experiences and observations as I study a social science and some of the things that worked for my in high school, I've also helped my classmate but these tips might not apply to you].

1. Strengthen your language four basic skills.

If you study languages you know we have to practice four skills: reading, writing, listening and speaking. Well, it's not very different for your native language. After all, is with language that we're able to communicate, share ideas and knowledge. You know... like, everything we learn at school (and more).

a. Reading: If you don't know a word, underline it, search the meaning and write it at the margin of the text, on a post it, or in your notebook. Underline main ideas and take notes or write a summary. This will help you not only for better understanding or studying, but also to participate during class. If you need to, read out loud and/or try to explain each paragraph. This is helpful for very complex text. Doing a diagram works too!

b. Writing: Learning how to express our ideas in the written form is... weird. I seriously don't understand why on earth we can't write just like we speak. Why do we must write differently? Is it such a crime? (I mean, I know why, I just find it so interesting and funny). Anyway, must teachers' corrections are like "uSe sYnOnYmS", "bReAk YoUr PaRaGrApHs", "cOnNeCt YoUr IdEaS", "aRgUmEnT mOrE", "UsE aPa CiTaTiOn". So, yeah, follow those comments... I'll try to make a post on how to improve your writing.

c. Listening: Pay. Attention. To. Your. Teacher. I know it's hard, I know some people have a lot of difficulties because of ADHD or other learning disabilities. I can't speak for that, but what works for me is to doodle or embroider, sometimes being on Pinterest works too. Just doing something that requires low cognitive effort while I listen to the teacher keeps me on the class without getting lost in my mind. Even if you didn't do the reading, if you listen to your teacher (and classmates) you'll be able to participate.

d. Speaking. I think many people can imagine how frustrating it is to watch a presentation by your classmates and that they just... don't know how to present?? (it's even more frustrating when you know this people want to become teachers). Practice in the mirror, practice with your pet, practice in the shower, practice everyday. Remember the "explain each paragraph from the reading"? Yeah. When you can explain something it means you understand it. So try to explain everything you learn, everything you understand. Even just chatting with your friends, family, about it. This will also help you to participate in class. The other day a friend of mine just randomly shared her screen and started explaining the bacteria that causes tuberculosis to me... I don't know anything about medicine but I still learned a lot because she knows how to lower her knowledge. Practice. Practice 40hrs a day.

2. Organization.

a. Have a schedule. Set alarms for everything if you must. Look, I forget to eat, literally. I focus so much on what I'm doing that I tell my stomach to stop being annoying and he just... listens to me?? He's like "oh, okay, finish what you're doing and when you're done just tell me and we can go to grab some food". So, I set an alarm to eat, to shower, to have dinner, etc.

b. Color code!! Color coding is my best friend since I was in preschool. Assign a color to each subject. My notebooks or folders are classified by color. My schedule has the corresponding colors. My Trello has tags by color. My folders on the cloud and on my computer have colors. This way I don't mess up things.

c. Agenda. Write all of your assignments (with color code if you can) and everything on an agenda, to-do list, calendar, etc. Whatever works for you, but be conscious of all of your assignments. There was a point when I was in high school that I no longer used the agenda. I would write the homework and never look at it again, I just memorized (by accident) all of my assignments. I seriously don't get how no one noticed I had a big problem called anxiety. Before the modern plague I used a regular week by week agenda and it's what best works for me. I switched to a day by day agenda for a while... A nightmare. Fortnight by fortnight... Anxiety trigger. Now I use Trello since I have to do almost everything on digital.

d. Digital files. You must have well organized digital files on the cloud. I use my color code and my folders go like "university -> semester -> subject". I add a folder for each unit when I have many files. So inside "subject" or inside each "unit" folder I have "readings" and "homework". File names go like "1. Author - Title" for readings and "1. Type of homework (aka essay, diagram, synthesis, etc.) - Author/Title".

3. Discipline

If you don't do what you must when you must... It doesn't work, no matter how organized you are or how smart you are. As I said, my classmate learns a lot outside of school but she doesn't do her homework. I read just the absolute necessary (which I know is not ideal) but I have straight A's. To build habits is complicated, it will be hard but not impossible. Doing a bit is better than nothing. But keep doing stuff.

I have this friend who's very smart but procrastinates a lot, and she still gets straight A's. How? She does things when she needs to. Even 4 hours before the due date but she gets things done because she knows don't completing an assignment will lower her grades.

4. I don't want to do this specific assignment

When I don't find the energy or just want to avoid to do a specific assignment or advance on my projects, I... you're gonna call me nerd and you'll be on the right... I do other homework. Specially on finals. I just don't want to do a certain project and I go "well, what else do I have to do... Okay, this seems easy". And there you got me three days before the important due date with all of my homework for the day after done and the important thing just laying there... BUT, it does help!

That's it for now, I hope they help!

#studyblr #study tips #ipaaciir #college tips #school tips

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illuminatingnun · 2 years

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22. 6 2022

A big catch-up post under the cut. First picture is from our capitals main train station (which is shit-ugly expect for this); forest at the border form when a tree fell onto the rails and we were stuck for almost two hours; a bumblebee at dad's plant at home; sourdough foccacia I made earlier this week; and a little reading session in our garden.

Currently reading: The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel - The Alchemist (i.e. book 1) by Michael Scott

Today I am grateful for pleasant coworkers.

Day One: A brief introduction of yourself! Where are you at in life at the start of this challenge? How are you feeling? Are you happy with the way your life is right now? What do you hope to gain from this challenge? They say that starting is the hardest part. Do you find starting this challenge difficult?

Hi! I'm Reshi and I study spanish language and literature. And the start of this challenge I was freshly done with exams and happy to just take things easy and rest a bit. I was, and am, feeling happy and content, overall. I'm pretty content about my life right now - I can study, I can work and do things that I enjoy. Everyone I love is healthy and doing well, so what else can I ask for? While I didn't find starting this hard, I did put it off for a week because I either didn't have the time, content or was simply taking a break from social media.

Day Two: It's pride month! How do you indentify, gender-wise and sexuality-wise, if you're comfortable sharing? Do you do anything for pride?

For me personally, sexuality is very fluid and should only matter to those it directly includes (i.e. partner/s). But I do indentify as bisexual/asexual. For me personally the line between these two is very thin and I use it as a jumping rope. When it comes to gender, I'm a gal I guess? It doesn't matter to me all that much. I wanted to take part of the pride in the city I live in, but couldn't bc of work, so now I just wait and will go to pride to the capital, to visit my friends ❤️

Day Three: Do you have any tips for people sending professional emails or communicating with professors or teachers online? Do you prefer sending emails to people or taking with them in person?

Write down whether they use the formal form or informal - we have a teacher that demands formal way of speaking if we write in Czech, but informal if we use Spanish. Also, double check if you're using the correct title, some of them can be really pedantic about them (shout out to Denis for never using one and texting me like we're friends). Don't be afraid, they are only people. Try to be easy to understand and straight to the point. Write which class you're from, they teach hundreds of students. I think it really depens on who the teacher/professor in question is - some I prefer to write bc I know later I can review that email like a note, but other I prefer to talk to, because they tend to be more understanding that way.

Day Four: List five thing that make you happy.

1. That everyone I love is healthy and happy.

2. Our cats and kittens.

3. Medieval reenactment.

4. Black tea.

5. A good book.

Day Five: Who is your all-time favourite teacher or professor and why?

Hm. From elementary it would be our geography teacher - young, rebellious, fruity, I had a crush on her at that time but also she was a great teacher. From high school it was my spanish lit teacher, also young, rebellious, fruity, had a crush on her. There is a theme as you may see. But in all honesty, I had many great teachers and I still do, but that would be for a whole essay.

Day Six: What have been some things that have changed for you this month? Are they big things, little things? How do you feel about these changes? How do you feel about change in general?

Yes! I have achieved one of my dreams, as in, Dream. I will also be moving out, changing apartments and I can't wait - I love the people I will live with (again, we lived together for some time). I've met my new roommate and he's great! I hope we'll be friends. So far I feel good about these changes - happy even, but that's because I made them, had the time to adjust and had at least some kind of power over them. Otherwise I hate unexpected change to my core.

Day Seven: Share your to-do list for today! Do you often make to-do lists? Do you find they help you?

- work✓

- drug store shopping ✓

- send email✓

I make them every time I need them - sometimes every day, sometimes once a week. I do find them helpful, they make it easier to organise my day/week, if I can see the tasks on paper. They also make sure that I won't forget anything, even if I can't to it that day and have to postpone - it's there, written down and waiting, not forgotten.

#illuminatingnun #kávičkovanie #a bit of a photo dump #tranquilsummerbuddies

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nevermindirah · 3 years

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Dorothy Freeman facts

By facts I of course mean headcanons, because Nile's mom doesn't get a first name in canon (or even confirmation that her last name is Freeman). All we know about her is the picture on Nile's phone lock screen (which is Kiki Layne's real-life mom and brother!) and a few lines that Nile tells Andy about her. I’ve been collecting my Dorothy headcanons for a while now to eventually make a post, and @mprosperossprite‘s excellent post giving non-Americans context for what it means that Nile is from the South Side of Chicago prompted me to go ahead and share this. Disclaimer that I’m white and I will absolutely make corrections if it’s pointed out that I’ve caused harm with any of this.

So here have some fun facts about the version of Mama Freeman who lives in my head rent-free:

Her family and growing up:

she was born in the mid-'60s and named after Dorothy Dandridge

I can’t decide whether she was born in Chicago or moved there later on (maybe with Nile’s dad?) and when in the waves of the Great Migration her family left the South

she came of age in the "post"-Civil Rights movement and went to college in the mid-80s when a lot of what are now the foundational classics of Black feminism were being written

she was a young adult when Anita Hill risked so much to report that a Supreme Court nominee had sexually harassed her, and as a result she HATES Joe Biden

Marriage and babies:

she met Nile's father — I can’t decide how they met and I have two competing headcanons for his name, either Gideon for the hefty Biblical masculinity vibes (Giddy for short among family, that man loved to laugh) or Carl, which started out as a shitty Carl’s Jr burger chain joke that turns out to be perfect (it means free man!), and @knoepfchen used it in the sequel to if you do take a thief where Carl is alive!! — and Dorothy was a little skeptical of his near-religious devotion to the military but he was really hot and really devoted to her and they made it work

she's a little pissed that she was right but it's unbearable if she thinks about it too often

it's going to be a long, long time before she can look back on pictures of Baby Nile stomping around the house in her dad's combat boots (this is a Gina Prince Bythewood headcanon, whyyyyyyyy can I not find a link to where she said this)

she named their second baby Indus, Indy for short (this is nearly as established fanon in Book of Nile circles as how much Booker loves eating pussy, and Indy Freeman as a young adult is portrayed by either Aldis Hodge or John Boyega I don’t make the rules)

Work:

Dorothy did some office jobs but nothing really grabbed her, and she was probably gonna have to move for her husband's career, so she decided on teaching — high school humanities

she’s been active in CTU (one of the strongest teacher’s unions in the US) her whole career and one year she was on the bargaining committee and her babies know damn well never to trust a boss, not even one who says all the right things — if she ever finds out the way Nile said "like Quynh?" when Andy promised to protect her, she will lose her mind with pride

(Nile was 18 and freshly graduated from high school in 2012 when CTU went on strike for the first time in a generation and she brought her mom snacks on the picket line)

one of her very favorite things is getting her students to laugh despite themselves at her "oh my GOD you're so EMBARRASSING" old-people jokes

she's one of those teachers who can get 30+ teenagers to go dead silent with judicious application of body language

she's known to occasionally go easy on grading subjective things like essays when she knows students are having a particularly rough time at home, but the second she gets the feeling they're taking advantage and not trying their best that shit is over and they better mind their Ps & Qs

she's the kind of person who says old-people shit like that

she gives her students assignments like "help 5 neighbors register to vote" and "write a compare/contrast table about the candidates in this local election" and "research 5 different ways you could get grant money to do X" and other practical civic-minded shit

standardized testing is her supervillain origin story, just kidding it’s Rahm Emanuel, why the fuck did Obama trust that asshole

After her husband died:

she would have lost her goddamn mind if it weren't for her church friends after her husband died, people from the church raised money so they could make ends meet while his pension paperwork was taking forever, church friends watched Indy so Nile could go out for the soccer team, etc etc

she sold her and her late husband's house and moved to a 3-bedroom co-op unit when Nile started high school, it's more affordable and it meant she didn't have to worry about household repairs in the same way, she can use a wrench if she needs to but she doesn't have time and it just makes her grief flare up (co-op housing has a long history in Chicago and other US cities (like Washington DC where I live) as a way for Black people to access decent, affordable housing in the face of entrenched discrimination)

the move meant putting a longer commute between her and church, but she didn't even bother looking for a church closer to their new home, she loaded the kids into the car on the weekends, parking is hell in their new neighborhood but it's worth giving up a hard-won parking spot to not have to wait so long for the L on Sunday mornings

Indy lived with her through college and he was gearing up to get his own place when Nile died, Dorothy was planning to move into a one-bedroom in the co-op building because she doesn't need so much space anymore, Indy took a day off from his new job (not so new anymore, her baby's so grown!) to help her sort things to donate when those dress-uniform Marines came to their door

part of her wishes she could've been home more and not had to rely on Nile so much for help with Indy, but he's turned out such a kind young man, and he's a much better cook than his sister is (was, oh God — no wait, is! she’s alive! what do you mean you’ve been alive all this time??)

some of the girls from church are encouraging her to check out this social dancing thing, nobody's pressuring her to date but there's definitely been some ribbing, and with Indy out of the house... maybe? probably not, but maybe

Her feelings and beliefs and likes and dislikes:

she's an absolute badass and also she's a soft human woman with lots of feelings

she's very, very traditional in some ways, and part of her mixed feelings about Nile following in her dad's footsteps is gender stuff, she's proud of her daughter and would never stand in the way of what Nile wants to do with her life, and if Nile came home and told her she's a lesbian she would never reject her, but if Nile came home and told her she's bisexual maybe she can just try focusing on men? “I love you sweetheart and I want you to be happy I just know how hard it is already for us in this world” type shit

she has been on team natural hair basically her entire life and one of the worst fights she and Nile ever had was over Nile wanting to straighten her hair as a pre-teen

Indy takes more after her and Nile takes more after their dad, she's so proud of both of them, but Dorothy's activism was mostly wearing her natural hair to work and daring bosses to give her shit, Indy's out there marching in the streets like her parents had and she WORRIES

she teases Indy for going to so many protests like he's using it as an excuse to meet girls, but she WORRIES

when she turns 60, she gets box braids with streaks of dark purple, subtle enough that it's still work-appropriate but it makes her smile, she may be old now but damnit she’s still pretty!

she loves Grey's Anatomy and Star Trek and she watched Bridgerton all in one day

she has a dirty-old-lady celebrity crush on Chris Hemsworth

if she's ever masturbated thinking about Donna Summer, well, that's nobody's business but her own (do non-Americans know about the queen of disco??)

If you want to read fic featuring Dorothy:

I won't have to leave alone, 1000 words, Nile has a nightmare and decides to go tell her family she's immortal

I See Your Eyes Seek a Distant Shore, 65k, Nile adjusts to immortality and does a lot of soul searching about what it means to "do what we think is right", Booker goes to grad school for trauma studies, the working title of this fic was Booker Reads Edward Said and Gloria Anzaldúa and Goes Down on Nile and the final product has an annotated bibliography in the author's notes if you’re into that kind of thing, a lot of my Dorothy Freeman headcanons were born of my process writing this

Gather round the table, we'll give you a treat, 2279 words, college AU, Nile brings her Jewish boyfriend home for Christmas

a contribution I made to Shitty Old Guard Deaths: (Booker, USA, 2025, cause of death: a mother’s righteous wrath)

#nile freeman #nile's family #dorothy freeman #tog headcanons #tog meta #mine #long post

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lacrimosathedark · 4 years

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Hamilton Inaccuracies/Corrections (because why not?)

Okay so, I saw a post on reddit that was like, “what’s some inaccuracies in Hamilton off the top of your head?” and I got a whole bunch...and then I had to double check to make sure if I was right...and I’m pretty long-winded...and now I have this 5,000ish word monstrosity. And apparently you can only post 1000 characters at a time on reddit. Laaaaame. So here’s some Hamilton facts I’ve gathered in my brain. Since it was kinda off the top of my head despite being so long, it’s kinda vague in some places, so if anyone wants to expand on anything (or correct me if I oopsed somewhere) please do! Though nicely please.

Also I am also awful at citing things, but I know I learned some of this from @john-laurens and @ciceroprofacto so thank you.

LET’S BEGIN!

Act 1

Rachel Faucette was not a prostitute, but she was a “whore” in the sense that she did what she fucking wanted with her body. During her first marriage she may or may not have been sleeping around, but she refused to stay with John Lavien, her husband, anymore. So he had her arrested. And he could do that. Because patriarchy and theocracy. And she was essentially put in solitary confinement. You can see why she tried to leave, right? She tried to get their marriage annulled or get a divorce. I forget what the issue was but she couldn’t and eventually she just moved to another island where she met James Hamilton.

The intro song makes it seem like Alexander was an only child. He actually had an older brother, James Jr., but he kinda fucked off after their mother died, working and taking care of himself. They also had an older half-brother Peter Lavien, but I don’t think they really knew him other than as the son of their mother’s abusive ex who took everything from them when she died. John Lavien was able to do that because when Rachel was with James Hamilton, she had not been able to get legally divorced from him so she wasn’t really married to James Hamilton, so James Jr. and Alexander were illegitimate ie bastards. He was an asshole. I don't think Peter had anything against the Hamiltons, but I think he grew up to be a Loyalist so. He actually made some trouble in South Carolina for Henry Laurens, John's dad! But I think I read somewhere he also left money for Alex and James Jr. In his will, which is sweet.

This is more visual since it’s not specified in the song, but in the show, Hamilton’s cousin mimes hanging himself. Peter Lytton’s cause of death if I recall was inconclusive, but he was in his bed and there was a lot of blood. So, yeah, he didn’t hang himself.

Alexander did not punch the bursar. However he did return to Princeton later during the war and blew a canon through the school and apparently decapitated a painting of King George lololol. He was under orders, but yknow. Probably felt pretty good after he was rejected for accelerated courses. He wasn’t the only bastard rejected, though! Ben Franklin’s bastard son was too. The guy in charge of admissions, Witherspoon, hated bastards as a concept and Princeton was a very religious school at the time I believe.

It may have been the plan by Aaron and Esther Burr for Aaron Jr to graduate Princeton, but like, he couldn’t really be sure of that? He was like 2 years old when they died, and his older sister Sally was 4 I believe, maybe 5.

Hercules Mulligan met Alex in 1772. His older brother Hugh knew Alex’s old employer in St. Croix and helped him get to mainland America. Alex and Hercules lived together for a long while, and Hercules is actually who got him interested in the revolution.

John Laurens was in England in 1776. He wouldn’t meet Hamilton and Lafayette until he accepted his post as Washington’s aide-de-camp upon his return in August of 1777.

Lafayette couldn’t have met Hamilton before August 1777 because that’s when he met Washington, and he was appointed as a volunteer to the Continental Army only a week prior, and before that he had been in France. But Lafayette later declared their relationship to be like that of brothers, Alexander his closest connection in the states besides Washington.

Lafayette admired and absolutely adored Laurens and they were besties, but neither of them knew Mulligan. They may have met in passing, or heard about him from Hamilton, but nothing more.

“Lafayette” was actually a nickname based on his title of “Marquis de la Fayette”. In his autobiography, he wrote: “It’s not my fault I was baptized like a Spaniard, with the name of every conceivable saint who might offer me more protection in battle.” I’m glad he thought it was funny at least. His name is Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de la Fayette.

Hercules Mulligan is not known to fuck horses.

The Revolution had already sorta started. Actually, Hercules and Alexander had been part of local militias before 1776.

This is more of a miscommunication since the actors are close in age, though the lyrics try to get it across. There’s a reason Mulligan says he’s got the others “in loco parentis”. In 1776 Hamilton and Lafayette would have been 19, Laurens would have been 22, and Mulligan would have been 36.

I think we all know “Laurens, I like you a lot” does not cover the scope of their relationship but that’s rather self explanatory so unless someone asks I’ll leave it at that. And for other clarifications. But at the very least I’ll share this: Anyone who saw them knew they were like attached at the hip (without knowing how attached *winkwonk*) and you could almost always contact one through the other. Laurens was notoriously bad at answering letters, to Hamilton too (and Alex did bitch about it because he is insecure and needs love), but it became quickly known he got back to Hamilton fastest so people would be like “Tell Laurens I said hi!” or “Hey, I need to get these to Laurens, you send them to him.” Which is hilarious. I just imagine Alexander going, “Why me?”

While all of them are Revolutionaries, Laurens is the only one you could solidly call an abolitionist, and Mulligan’s even shaky on the manumission part. He was supposedly part of the Manumission Society Hamilton helped start, but Mulligan also personally owned slaves and was never known to have freed them (One helped him with spy shit. His name was Cato!). In fairness, Hamilton and Lafayette wholeheartedly agreed with Laurens, and Hamilton was the biggest supporter of his battalion plan, and both of them did try to continue working towards equality after the war, but it was never the top priority for either of them and their lives kinda went to hell, so it fell to the wayside. Lafayette actually did some nifty stuff worth looking at, and Hamilton might have tried to keep one of John Lauren’s freed men from Henry Laurens! But as slavery stuck around for a while, it clearly wasn’t anything significant.

Angelica would meet and befriend Thomas Jefferson in Europe, but she would never manage to convince him to put women in a sequel because he’s a huge misogynist and told her in multiple letters that politics isn’t for women and I think he deserves a shoe up his southern backside. Side note, it always bothered me that Lin played up the misogyny in the musical. I mean, yeah, all of them would be misogynists compared to us, but for their time, Hamilton wasn’t so bad. If there was anyone to play up misogyny with, it was Jefferson, because he would tell Angelica for years and years that politics could never make women happy, and that the women in France were foolish for trying etc.. Hamilton would actually discuss politics with Angelica frequently and openly. And there’s a proto-feminist in the cast that was never recognized—Aaron Burr! He respected Theodosia Sr. as an equal and she was his most valuable political ally, and he made sure Theodosia Jr. got the same education any boy of her time would have. He actually respected women to a decent degree. Not to say he wasn't as much of a ho as Hamilton cuz yeah that's accurate (but they were both disaster bisexuals more on Burr's sexuality later)

Farmer Refuted was an essay Hamilton wrote arguing against Samuel Seabury's posts. They weren't shouting in the public square(but Lin got the sass right. I love his face when Hamilton and Seabury are fighting over the podium). Seabury was also really really old, not young and cute like Thayne, hence the line about "mange". Blech.

General Montgomery didn’t take a bullet in the neck, it was a grapeshot from a canon in his head (and his thighs), but close enough I guess. Side note: Burr actually served a short interim on Washington’s staff, but only for like 10 days because they hated each other lolol.

Alexander didn’t bring Laurens, Mulligan, or Lafayette to Washington. Lafayette joined up with the Continental Army in 1777 and quickly convinced them he wasn’t like the other French nobles; he was a glory-seeking kid with a boner for America (for some reason???). Laurens was requested by Washington to join his military family and he arrived also in August 1777 just after Lafayette. Like previously stated, Mulligan was doing shit even before Hamilton did.

Alexander would not have been in charge of spy shit (though may have been somewhat involved). Washington had people like Mulligan for that, who actually saved Washington a few times. But also, the "King’s men who might let some things slide" was the tactic Mulligan used. He was actually very charming, and his wife was very high in British society and he was a skilled tailor, so they were thought of well among the redcoats, and he got a lot of information through chatting with his customers. He also could usually smooth-talk his way out of trouble. Actually, Mulligan blended in so well, when the war was over, people in the city wanted him out cuz they thought he was a Loyalist. So George fucking Washington paid him a visit and commissioned I think a coat from him, and that cleared that up. He got a LOT of business after that.

Alexander would not be Washington’s right hand man, or at least, not his only one if Lin was using that to mean aide-de-camp. In that case, Laurens would also be Washington’s right hand man, along with many men not named in the musical.

John Laurens may have been reliable with the ladies (comes with the territory of being hot, rich, and a perfect gentleman), but he most certainly didn’t want to be. His father noted, rather proudly at the time, that as a young teenager he expressed no interest in girls. John was also married by 1780, and at least Alexander knew. (he told John he'd found out in the well-known April 1779 letter. You know... “Cold in my professions...find me a wife...the length of my nose...” That one.) Because John apparently didn't tell people he was married. Laurens. Sweetheart. Get. Your. Shit. Together.

John also would not be at this ball. February 1779 to March 1780 he is fighting down south, and this ball was early 1780.

The tomcat thing may be half true. Martha Washington did supposedly name a cat Hamilton, but it was an affectionate thing. The slang tomcat meaning ho wasn’t a thing at that time, so it couldn’t be named to tease Alex for his promiscuity. I believe this was one of the many things John Adams made up to slander Hamilton.

Hamilton and Eliza had met before 1780. They had met once two years prior at a dinner her father had hosted. Also, Hamilton had been courting her friend Kitty Livingston, and his friend and fellow aide Tench Tilghman had been attempting to court Eliza, and they’d actually done at least one sort-of double date (which is adorable). So this shouldn’t have been the first time they’d seen each other. Could still be when they fell in love, though, since they started courting after this. Which is cute to think about.

Speaking of Tench and Eliza! I don't remember when this took place but Tilghman journaled it, he went out on something of a hike with a few ladies and they got to a cliff. Of course, he had to help the girls climb up. Except Eliza who started climbing by herself like a natural to the bewilderment and likely horror of the other ladies. Elizabeth Schuyler was a bamf okay?

Of course everyone knows by now, Angelica was married before Eliza. During the Winter’s Ball, she’d already eloped with Jack Carter aka John Barker Church and run away to Boston.

Their courtship was not that fast. Not like, weeks. More like months. Fun fact, Eliza is the only of the five (yes FIVE) Schuyler sisters who didn’t elope and actually got her parents permission! But here’s a heartbreaking fun fact: while Alex was courting Eliza, Laurens was taken prisoner and then on probation. He wasn’t allowed to leave the state of Pennsylvania. He was mentally in a very dark place. Alex kind of procrastinated telling Laurens about Eliza, didn’t say he was courting anyone until they were already engaged.

I can't leave this alone if I'm sad you have to be too. Alex was hella depressed during this time too. Of course he was a soldier so he couldn't see Eliza as much as he'd have liked. On top of that, he kept pushing for an exchange for John and kept getting rejected because they couldn't show preference for him. And then Laurens was sending him very few letters, of course, and the ones he did send were very depressed, even suicidal sounding. He had to work while dealing with that. He had to keep begging Eliza to write to him to be reassured that she still liked him.

No one could show up for Hamilton for the wedding. Some sources say fellow aide James McHenry showed up, but he’s the only one. Alexander even invited his deadbeat dad, offered to pay all his travel expenses and everything, guess how that turned out. So Eliza’s side of the hall was packed and his was empty. God, can you imagine how sad that is?

Another heartbreaking fun fact! John Laurens was out of probation and could have made it to the wedding, was invited (Hamilton, I kid you not, jokingly invited him to a threesome with his new wife in a letter: “I wish you were at liberty to transgress the bounds of Pensylvania. I would invite you after the fall to Albany to be witness to the final consummation.” (emphasis is original to Hamilton. As is the misspelling of Pennsylvania. Yes, seriously.)) and John did not go. Instead he went back to work trying to talk his way out of getting sent as an envoy to France and suggesting Alexander to take his place. You know. His boyfriend who just got married. Sure, he was right that Hamilton was better equipped for the job, but yknow. Another fun fact, one of the guys who voted for John to be the one to go to France was John’s ex-boyfriend Francis Kinloch. Who was a turncoat, and had been a royalist when he and Laurens split. How’s that for some twisty bullshit.

Sorry, this one isn’t about the musical, it’s a tangent, I just got excited about that quote. Both that style of innuendo and the misspelling of Pennsylvania are consistent in Hamilton’s writing. Listening to john-lauren’s podcast about the April 1779 letter can really help you understand how Hammy uses innuendo but also I just love listening to it it’s insightful and hilarious and I love John Laurens but y u do this and my heart hurts for Hamilton but he is also a ho but aNYWAY. As for Pensylvania...well, he kinda made that mistake on an important document. ...It’s The Constitution. He misspelled Pennsylvania on The Constitution. No big deal. Not like something that could haunt his legacy forever. Oh my god I’m so sorry.

Philip Schuyler did have sons. Five in fact. Two of them died pretty young though I think, considering there are three kids in a row named John Bradstreet Schuyler. The other two were named Philip Jeremiah and Rensselaer.

Laurens, Lafayette, and Mulligan were all married before Hamilton. Hercules Mulligan married Elizabeth Sanders in 1773. Lafayette married his beloved Adrienne in 1774. John Laurens was regretfully obliged to marry Martha Manning in 1776.

Sigh. Again with the misogyny. Anyway, I wanted to comment on the marriage as a loss of freedom. From what I can tell, Elizabeth helped Hercules with his spy work at home. John was literally fighting a war across the ocean from his wife, and probably having an illegal affair with Alexander (though to be fair to him, he was kind of running away from Martha because he didn't marry her for love, gosh, there are no winners here). Lafayette absolutely adored his wife but still was also fighting a war an ocean away, and had multiple affairs, at least one with his wife’s blessing. So yeah, losing your freedom with marriage? Bullshit.

Despite where it is in the musical and Eliza singing the beginning, Stay Alive is roughly about Valley Forge, which would be December of 1777 through June of 78. So before the ball and wedding. (Fun fact! A lot of people theorize Valley Forge as when Hamilton and Laurens’ relationship may have escalated into romantic and/or sexual territory. They may have had more privacy, as small temporary buildings were being made to better withstand the cold, and Hamilton was sick a lot during that time and did need tending a lot. West Indian boi did not like Northern winter.) But yeah, Congress being stupid and the army resorting to eating their horses sometimes and not being able to buy food and equipment? All true. It was a real bad winter.

Mulligan wouldn’t have to go back to New York, he never would have left. He remained there as a tailor and a spy throughout the war. He wouldn’t have been traveling with Washington.

Hamilton and Laurens didn't write essays so much as start working out John's battalion plan and writing letters trying to push for it.

This duel happened in 1778, so like. This timeline is so fucky.

Stay Alive makes it seem like Hamilton was the one who wanted to duel Lee, but it was 100% Laurens from the start. The off-Broadway version demonstrates it a bit better. Hamilton was Lauren's second to save his ass. Hamilton had a rough relationship with Washington, but Laurens admired him greatly and would have willingly defended his commander’s honor. John was a Good Boy who always bowed his head to his asshole father, even at first for his battalion plan, but John wouldn’t let even his father talk shit about Washington. Fun fact about this duel, Alex and John were late to the duel because they “got lost in the woods”. Oooookay. Suuuuuuure. And Baron von Steuben was straight. (Fact: Steuben was very gay and pretty much pushed out of Europe for it. And he actually also had challenged Lee! They talked things out before this.)

Aaron Burr was not Charles Lee’s second. His second was a Major Evan Edwards. Lin wanted a parallel with the final duel. To be fair, that was a really cool way to do it and I like it better that way.

Alexander Hamilton could NOT agree that duels are dumb and immature. He was in 10 duel challenges as a participant in his lifetime, 9 of which he was the challenger. One time he challenged two people at once. One time he challenged an entire politcal party apparently. No, I am not kidding. He had a bad day. And I think you know the one time he wasn’t the challenger.

Lee did not yield on the first shot, nor was Laurens satisfied. Lee was pretty much like, “It’s just a flesh wound!” and wanted to go another round and Laurens agreed, but Hamilton and Edwards managed to talk them down. Yes he was shot in the side. But that wasn’t all because Laurens absolutely roasted Lee at his court martial.

Lee: Were you ever in an action before?

Laurens: I have been in several actions; I did not call that an action, as there was no action previous to the retreat.

I love this man. So much. The sass of this man.

We don’t know if Washington was angry about the duel with Lee. We do know that Laurens, and probably Hamilton, had Christmas dinner with him two days later. When Hamilton left, it was because Washington had snapped over a misunderstanding (caused by Lafayette actually, and he really tried to make it better because Lafayette is a sweetheart), and then continued to deny Hamilton the command he requested, and he resigned. It was entirely unrelated to the duel and Laurens. However, the daddy issues are real.

I don’t know if Lafayette went to France for more funds and came back with more guns, but Laurens certainly did! Ben Franklin told him to chill, but he actually got super impatient and ended up supposedly disrespecting and maybe kinda threatening the court, demanding what he needed, and walking out. They were were kind of shocked and impressed into giving more than had been requested. Any existing deities bless John Laurens. I love him.

Lafayette actually nominated his own aide to lead the charge and Hamilton appealed for himself and Washington finally gave in to Hamilton.

Laurens was not in South Carolina. When he finally got back from France, he was sent to Yorktown. He actually was commanding the group Alexander led. (Power couple lol) He also helped with negotiations after the battle. Also, supposedly making the British play ‘The World Turned Upside Down’ on their way out was Laurens’ idea because boy is made of sass and spite.

Henry Laurens would not have sent a letter to Hamilton about John’s death. Even if he would have, he couldn’t. At that time, he’d been locked up in the Tower of London as a prisoner. We have no idea when or how Alexander found out, or who might have told him. We know he wrote to Nathanael Greene on October 25 and Lafayette on November 3 (literally 2 months after Laurens' death), and the mentions of Laurens were very short. It’s thought that he really couldn’t talk about Laurens. People have compared it to the stories of how Benjamin Tallmadge apparently couldn’t hear Nathan Hale’s name without crying.

After Yorktown Alexander resigned and John went down south to flush British troops out of the southern states. His group was ambushed at Combahee River and he decided to charge instead of wait for backup and he died. Many people think it was a combination of his usual recklessness, suicidality, and glory-seeking mixed with a desperation with the war coming to an end. It was such a small skirmish. He deserved better. He left his daughter, Frances, whom he had never met, orphaned, as her mother had died months earlier from sickness. She was adopted by John’s oldest younger sister, also coincidentally Martha Laurens (though married was Martha Laurens Ramsay).

The Levi Weeks case was years later than that, in 1800, though it was alongside Burr. Hamilton actually lost his first trial as a defense lawyer and was not with Burr.

The whole conversation where Hamilton proposes Burr help him write the Federalist Papers is fake. Lin made that up entirely.

John Church’s wealth kinda...varies. He was a gambler. At first, he was actually in quite a bit of debt. He did make it big eventually and he and Angelica moved to Europe. He really didn’t seem to be a lot of fun to most people, but Angelica eloped with him. She chose him against her father’s wishes. I don’t get why Lin kept writing lines saying she didn’t love him, at least at first. He also does this in the cut song Congratulations where she says “I languished in a loveless marriage” bish you eloped wat She also lived as a socialite and was adored by anyone who met her apparently, so like???? da fuq Lin. Didja really do Laurens dirty for these lies or at the very least uncertanties? Could you not prop up that romance without making her say she hates her husband?

Act 2

More of a personality miscommunication. Irl Thomas Jefferson was shy, quiet, and hypersensitive, nothing like how Daveed plays him. If you knew a guy like the real Jefferson in real life you might be endeared to him out of pity or because he seems sweet, but in the short time of a musical that would immediately be read as cold and unlikable. So the best way to portray “this guy is a likable asshole” is to make him loud and made of sass which is what Daveed does magnificently. So, not at all accurate to real Jefferson, but gets the concept of him across.

Thomas was not off getting high with the French. Probably. He was making negotiations for the Revolution. And abusing Sally Hemings (his, at the time, 14 year old slave, who was also his sister-in-law, and 30 years his junior, and was brought along to entertain his daughter). And actually probably chatting up with Angelica!

By the time Philip was 9, he had two sisters, Angelica (7) and his foster/adopted sister Frances Antill (6), but he also had two brothers already, Alexander Jr. (5) and James Alexander (3), with maybe another one on the way since William Stephen would be born next year.

The whole comma thing is backwards. It was Angelica who made the initial mistake. Hamilton pointedly and flirtatiously teased her about it before closing it with “Adieu ma chere, soeur” French for “Goodbye my dear, sister”. So it’s more playful and less lovey dovey in context, so the tone is all wrong. It’s not romantic, it’s teasing and snarky.

Say No To This feels like it’s over quick. The affair lasted a year, not just the summer Eliza was away.

Clermont Street wasn’t renamed until many years later.

I don’t know that Alex has always considered Burr a friend. Irl they weren’t as close, and Hamilton was keenly aware of how slimy Burr could be.

Lafayette was NOT fine. He was imprisoned a lot during the French Revolution, the poor man, and many members of his wife’s family were killed. HOWEVER! Hamilton was not just sitting by. Angelica and her husband did make an attempt to rescue Lafayette, and the Hamiltons fostered Lafayette’s son Georges Washington Lafayette (yes that was his actual name). So Hamilton also did not forget Lafayette.

Not all his defendants got acquitted, obviously. Stop being cocky, Ham.

People comment on how Jefferson whines about Hamilton’s fashion sense while literally dressed in violet velvet. The original plan was to have him in browns, but Daveed is just such a friggin star that they just had to give him something brighter and decided to go with a Prince-inspired look. Originally the browns were going to be representative of his supposed representation of farmers. Though note here: Jefferson’s agricultural representation is much the same as modern Republicans’ rural representation. More for show.

Actually, let's get political for a sec. I've done some research in my hyperfixation and in searches for Hamilton shiz I've ended up stumbling into far-right nonsense and I know how to recognize the degrees of nonsense from years of actually paying attention to it now because this is what I do apparently. Which is weird, right? Lin kinda portrays him like a lefty. Well, here's the thing. Any proud historically educated Republican will tell you that their roots are in the Federalist Party. Which is technically true. What they will neglect to mention is the flip between parties that happened when the Republicans decided to use southerners racism to their advantage in elections. Being subtly racist can get the racists and the non-racists on your side! Yeah, it's gross. Federalists are more like Democrats. The corporatists. They clearly care more about companies and Wall Street, but they put actual action into social progress on rare occasion. Democratic-Republicans are like Republicans, conservatives who don't want social change and rail against it and pretend they aren't for corporate interests while being just as bad as the other guys. But Republicans have a tendency to rewrite history to paint themselves as the good guys, or reclaim things that aren't theirs as their own. Just look at the Civil War! Or...literally just...America I guess. Yikes. But yeah, here's your warning. Don't just go looking at and trusting things labelled Federalist. It likely won't be friendly.

John Adams didn’t fire Hamilton, Hamilton left. Eventually. And this is not the only time this kind of verbal confrontation happens, and not the one that destroys the Federalist Party. That actually happens after the Reynolds Pamphlet. But John Adams hates Alexander Hamilton with the burning passion of a thousand suns and really kinda earns this.

I’m not sure if he specifically called Alex a Creole bastard but I wouldn’t be surprised, there were other similar racist and bastard-related insults. You know the tomcat thing mentioned above. He started the rumor of the affair with Angelica. He accused him of being a rake (male version of whore at the time). He also may have behind closed doors accused him of being a sodomite. His (probably gay) son Charles helped with that one, bringing back rumors from a dinner he had with Hamilton (who he was working for) and John Church because Church joked about Alex being fond of a guy. Adams probably thought working for Hamilton was what made his son gay and alcoholic (Charles was an alcoholic and may have died in part because of that; Hamilton was not an alcoholic, but he supposedly could not hold his drink. He was smol).

Jefferson, Madison, and Burr didn’t accuse Hamilton of speculation. It was James Monroe, Abraham Venable, and Frederick Muhlenberg. Lin wanted to keep consistent representation of the Democratic-Republican party. But anyway, the whole thing went to hell because Monroe sent the letters to Jefferson (or I’ve also heard Monroe gave them to Madison who sent them to Jefferson) who, the spiteful gangly fucker, started spreading rumors because fuck Hamilton, amirite? Hamilton challenged Monroe to a duel over that. And who stopped this duel? Aaron Burr. He gets to be the good guy now and then.

It wasn’t just total strangers that got Alex off the island. He was sponsored by his cousin Ann Lytton and his teacher Reverend Hugh Knox. Also, he was kind of expected to get an education and come back and help out the island...guess what he never did. Oops.

This one I may be wrong, but I’m pretty sure. I think Eliza was upstate with her family when the Reynolds Pamphlet was released, away from Alex. I also know she had recently given birth to their son, William Stephen. A lot of people think Alexander had been keeping that in mind. Eliza had had a miscarriage once before, when she was under a lot of stress and alone and with the kids and he had to be away (Whiskey Rebellion), so some people think he made sure she was surrounded by her family and waited until the child was born to drop this on her, and gave her distance from him if she needed it. At least he knew he fucked up, and he really did love her.

Those weren’t Alexander’s guns. They belonged to John Church.

It was quite some time between Philip’s challenge and the actual duel.

Another age miscommunication; Eacker was 27ish and Philip was 19 when the duel happened. There was a whole 8 years between them!

Eacker didn’t shoot early. Actually, both of them stood staring at each other for a really long time doing nothing. But Philip went to make a move and Eacker shot him.

Alex and Eliza had made up from the Reynolds Pamphlet bullshit before Philip died. When he passed, Eliza was already pregnant with the son they would also name Philip in honor of his older brother.

Hamilton wasn’t really the deciding factor in the election of 1800. But he did say that about Burr and it did help swing the vote somewhat. But also, this was before Philip died. Philip died in 1801.

If a vote is that close, you can’t win in a landslide??? That’s not how words work???? Mister Miranda????? You are a writer??????? Sir???????

Burr actually held a term as Jefferson’s Vice President.

The Burr vs Hamilton Duel was in 1804 and was actually about another election and other things Hamilton was saying about him. Burr was running to be governor of New York and lost but heard about Alexander telling people the things he listed Alexander saying in Your Obedient Servant.

Thayne should not have played Alexander’s doctor. Sydney should have played Alexander’s doctor. Do you know why? Philip and Alexander had the same doctor when they died. Alexander took that doctor with him to the duel. His name was David Hosack.

While there’s evidence to suggest Burr experienced immediate regret (he stepped forward as if wanting to see if Hamilton was okay and supposedly asked after him and wished him well before Alexander passed) in the years that followed, until he was on his death bed, he expressed nothing but neutrality or even pride for having shot Hamilton. The ‘the world was wide enough’ comment could plausibly be entirely made up, and even if it were true, it was supposedly said toward the end of Burr’s life. Burr's life was quite a ride after Alex. He tried to make like his own empire out of Texas, and then of course was tried for treason, but he got out of that, but then everyone hated him for that ON TOP OF already hating him for killing Hamilton, so he had some crazy journey around Europe for a while. He kept a journal, writing entries like letters to Theo. The most notable things I think he writes he'd "been amused for an hour with a very handsome young Dane. Don't smile. It is a male!" which implies maybe Theodosia knew her dad was bi and was at least amused by it? And he spent a while living with Jeremy Bentham, who is generally accepted to have been gay (if you want more Burr gayness look into Jonathan Bellamy and Robert Troup. Troup knew Hamilton too!). Unrelated to his sexuality but I find it important, Burr spent, in modern cash, $40 on a coconut, in his own words, "like an ass." He returned to America eventually. I dont remember if it was before or after his foreign adventures, but his beloved grandson (also named Aaron Burr) died, and then not long after, Theodosia was lost at sea on her way to visit her dad. No one knows what happened to her. It's so sad. Anyway he married a wealthy widow named Eliza, spent all her money on charity, and died the day their divorce was finalized. And Eliza Jumel's divorce lawyer was Alexander Hamilton Jr..

Poor Eliza couldn’t go through all of her husband’s papers. Her son, John Church Hamilton, finished the work for her when she no longer could and put together the biography that inspired Chernow’s that inspired Lin’s musical. (He named a son Alexander and a daughter Elizabeth. He even named one of his sons Laurens! Aw.) And we have come full circle.

The End :33

There’s probably more but that’s what I’ve got. Thanks for reading!

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