#why do you keep talking to me like i'm going to shatter because of your voice alone?

[cordeliawhohung]

i wish you wouldn't concern yourself over me

[samuelsdean]

You Think I'm Delicious?

pairing: spencer reid x reader

summary: all your dreams and hopes of getting cuddly with spencer were shattered when he uttered those six words.

“i don’t like your new perfume.”

genre: fluff & crack

word count: 1.9k

author's notes: here's a spencer reid fluff without plot, just crack (i tried so i hope you'll laugh while reading this). anyway, enjoy reading this one! also posted on ao3 (spencereids).

THE THING ABOUT DR. SPENCER REID IS THAT HE’S A VERY SENSITIVE PERSON. He's very particular about stuff like his dislikes for certain textures and not knowing about something—making him a good researcher by the way, because if he doesn't know something, you'll find him poring through books—and even certain smells aren't an exception. One might think that this is normal with his job because, of course, he does. He has probably smelled dead bodies more than he has smelled fresh flowers. Of course, he hates smells like rotten flesh. Disgusting, honestly. But, what can he do? That is part of his job.

So, when he suddenly tugged you to his side one day to hug you, you were excited for him to take note of your new perfume and love it. No, you were certain he’d love it just as much as you did when you first took a whiff at the store. You just had to buy it because you were sure he’d go crazy over your smell. He’d tuck his face into your neck and shower you with pecks. Because despite what everyone else thinks they know about Spencer having an aversion to touch, he was quite the cuddler when he was in love. And yes, you were the lucky recipient of his comforting hugs 24/7. 

However, all your dreams and hopes of getting cuddly with Spencer were shattered when he uttered those six words.

“I don’t like your new perfume.”

Your jaw dropped as soon as he said that distressing sentence. Meanwhile, Spencer was quick to move away from you and continue what he was doing previously—playing chess by himself. Sometimes, if only you didn’t love your boyfriend and didn’t have to face charges, you would strangle him for a lot of things. One of which was being nonchalant after just dropping a bomb like that. What does he mean by you smell bad? You bought a citrus-scented perfume that hurt your pockets; you’ll have to give up your afternoon snacks at the cafe near the FBI headquarters. So, like any good partner out there, you just had to instigate a little argument over your new perfume.

“Excuse me?”

Your boyfriend looked up at your incredulous tone, merely raising a brow at you as if to ask, “What’s up?” This almost got your eye twitching, but you refrained. Taking a breath, you plastered a sickly sweet smile on your face and clarified your previous question.

“What do you mean you don’t like my new perfume?”

Spencer started reddening at your accusatory tone and shrugged halfheartedly, which made you raise one perfectly formed brow at your boyfriend. Now, you’re curious why your boyfriend blushed at your question.

He may be quite shy, but Spencer wasn’t the best when it came to social cues. He rarely gets embarrassed about something unless you blatantly point it out. You could probably count on one hand the number of times he flushed pink. A funny memory you have of him reddening like a tomato was when the BAU were out interviewing streetwalkers. Despite his social awkwardness, Spencer was propositioned by all the women he talked to. You could still remember the exact look he had on his face when he had to pull his tie away from the woman, who was busy rolling it on her fingers.

God, he’s so precious, you’d keep him in your pocket if you could. But right now, he isn’t your favorite person, and you’d love nothing more than to figure out why he was blushing. You were sure there was something behind all those burning cheeks.

“Spencer,” you slowly enunciated the syllables of his name, making him look at you once again. He tilted his head in question as you sighed dramatically, “Out with it.”

“What?”

“You’re flushed pink. You’re picking at your nails, and your right knee just started bouncing.” You pointed it out, and Spencer tried to remedy every single thing you mentioned. “Baby, for a profiler, you’re not doing great at hiding stuff. Tell me what’s going on.”

He scowled and crossed his arms like a petulant child, definitely wishing you weren’t a profiler, and a damn good one at that, like him. You merely chuckled at his antics and crossed your arms in retaliation. No, you weren’t backing away from this one. You spent money on perfume, hoping your boyfriend would love it. But no, he hated it, and now, you have to know why.

You could hear the ticking of the wall clock—if you focused hard enough—with the way not a single sound could be heard from the both of you waiting for the other to cave—not even a phone call from Garcia telling you that you have a case and, you have to be in the office in fifteen minutes could disrupt your focus right now. You could say the same about your boyfriend right now, who is intently staring at your phones on the table. He was probably hoping a work call would come through to save his ass from getting interrogated by you. It’s kind of sick that one would want to hear a new body was found, but at least you’d be out there catching another bad guy and locking them up, never to see the light of day until their last breath. He would rather have a face-off with a murderer than his girlfriend, whom he’s pretty sure is close to resorting to violence for borderline calling her stinky—not really, you’re just dramatic like that.

“Well, for starters, I think it’s strong like I’m drowning in it,” Spencer emphasized the word strong, making your brows furrow. He didn’t have that problem with your previous perfume, and it was stronger—he’s hiding something. You stared pointedly at your boyfriend now, who was fidgeting like crazy under your scrutiny.

“Are you sure that’s it? You didn’t have that problem with my previous perfume, which I’m pretty sure is much stronger than this one.” You clarified, tilting your head to the side as you explained further. “Garcia loved the smell of flowers, but she told me she sneezed every time I passed by. She had to ask me to change the scents immediately. And despite the complaints, you loved it so much that you would tuck your face into my neck.”

At this point, Spencer looked like he was about to burst from an aneurysm with how red he had gotten. You couldn’t help but feel a little bit sorry, but you also had to make him suffer. 

“Tell me, Spencer. Or else, I might just have to resort to other tactics.” You almost cackled at the way your boyfriend looked like he’d rather start digging a hole for him to bury himself in. “And you know, I’m a great profiler. I always get what I want.”

However, as soon as you said those words, you noticed Spencer’s eyes drifting towards a half-full bottle sitting on his little desk filled with heaps of paperwork.

Oh. That’s the problem.

“Baby, I think I know what the problem is here.”

Spencer quickly leaped off your couch to avoid getting teased by you—which wasn’t your plan at all, by the way—and was about to run into your bedroom, but you were quick on your feet and were able to catch his arm and pull him towards you. Yep, unfortunately for your boyfriend, you were better when it came to physical activities.

Although you were better at that angle, you still weren’t able to properly estimate the way you pulled him into you because both of you ended up toppling over on your couch. Luckily, it was the couch, because you’re sure Hotch would have your heads served on a platter if both of his agents were injured and there was a sudden case.

You both landed unceremoniously, with Spencer squeaking as he ended up face-first into your chest, and you groaned as you cushioned his fall. Choosing to pause for a moment, you ran your hands through his brown curls as you both tried to catch your breath. Spencer seemed to agree with that idea as he started inhaling your scent, which made you smile a bit.

“You know, it’s not that I hate your perfume because it smells bad.” Spencer started explaining in a hushed tone, “I just liked it better when you smelled like me.”

Your eyes widened at his confession. This was the first time Spencer had ever said something possessive. Despite not being the usual alpha male girls go for, Spencer had enough confidence in himself that you chose him out of all the guys out there you could’ve gone for. At the start of your relationship, you made it clear to him that he was the one you wanted to be with. Not someone as domineering as Hotch or someone as bold as Morgan.

No, you wanted Spencer. 

You wanted to be with Spencer.

So, you were shocked at your boyfriend’s display of possessiveness, but at the same time, you found it cute that he wanted you to smell like him. It wasn’t every day that he wanted to engage in a public display of affection. And just like any other girlfriend out there who enjoyed the attention you got from your boyfriend, you laughed as you tried to pull Spencer’s face towards yours.

“God, you’re so adorable, Dr. Reid,” you exclaimed as you peppered his face with pecks and pinched his cheeks as he tried to dodge, embarrassed after saying he wanted you to use his perfume, “I could eat your face!”

“We don’t want that." Spencer said, "The BAU would lose two of their best agents with me inside your gastrointestinal tract and you in jail for cannibalism.”

You rolled your eyes at him as he blinked at you innocently. Sometimes, you hate his brain. 

“Stop taking things literally!" You exclaimed to your boyfriend, "You know what I’m talking about!”

“I don’t.” Spencer frowned. You could hear the cogs in his brain start working, meaning he was about to spew out some facts. “Actually, our senses of smell and taste are directly related. They both use the same types of receptors, so if you smell something that you think is delicious, this triggers the same area of the brain that activates our salivary glands. Wait, you think I’m delicious?”

You facepalmed yourself. For a guy with an IQ of 187, your boyfriend could be an idiot.

“You’re an idiot.”

“No, I’m not!” Spencer protested and explained some more, “Seeing an object, food, or even a person that is pleasing to the eye can cause people to salivate. Pleasant smells such as your favorite food, your partner’s natural scent, or smelling perfume on your partner can stimulate the production of saliva more than looking at that person. This process can initiate feelings of wanting to eat or bite.”

Despite his protests, you simply clucked and pinched his nose. Wanting to retaliate, Spencer continued spilling his tangents.

“Aha! You like me so much, my smell makes you want to bite me!”

“You know what, Spence?” You asked sweetly at your boyfriend, who was now listening intently to you. He’ll never know what hit him. “I love you so much, but I preferred it when you got embarrassed about wanting me to smell like you.”

By your admission, Spencer started blushing profusely again as he tried to bury his face in your neck.

“Shut up!”

“I love you too, Spence.”

[boyfhee]

﹙𝓲ssue﹚ㅤ:ㅤwiping their kissesㅤ...ㅤ( 엔하이픈 )

ㅤㅤ﹙1167﹚ ㅤ장르 fluff, est. relㅤㅤwarnings kissingㅤㅤᐢᗜᐢ as always, thank u sm for reading. pls rb and give feedback, it helps a lot ^_^ iNDEX

HEESEUNG

would do a double take, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. you do whine jokingly about him kissing you every minute, but never go as far as to wipe his kisses so it takes him a good minute to register what was happening. “did you just wipe my kiss?” would ask with eyes wide open and all, clearly in disbelief, almost convinced he did something wrong until he catches you holding back a smile and knows it's just another one of your little games. would quite literally engulf you in his arms, not letting you escape. “i'm going to kiss you until you're sick of it,”

JONGSEONG

jay wouldn't think of it so much the first time you do it, so he would kiss you again, brows furrowing in confusion when you wipe your lips the second time. “why are you wiping my kisses?” scowls when you don't respond. you're wiping his kisses and ignoring him, and he huffs in disbelief, looking away before giving you a sour look up and down. he leans in for another kiss and knows you're going to wipe it as well so he grabs your wrists, although with a gentle grip and kisses you again, this time making it more intimate, almost holding himself back from kissing you senseless and smirks when he pulls back sees your flustered expression. “that's what you get for wiping my kisses.”

JAEYUN

pouty, hurt, confused, surprised, panicked— every emotion listed in the dictionary. he's so sure he did something wrong to have you act this way and would he so hesitant to reach out to you in case he pisses you off again. “are you upset? did i do something? i'm so sorry—” yapping and it's apologies, it makes you feel bad for even pulling this prank on him. he gets even more confused when you start laughing, and then gives you that upside-down frown he does, it makes your heart melt. “you almost had me there, babe.” also makes you promise him that you won't pull anything like this again >_<

SUNGHOON

his ego is bruised, shattered to be honest, and he actually gives you the worst side eyes and mocking glares. “i guess we're not kissing anymore,” starts avoiding your every single attempt to kiss him later to give you a taste of your own medicine. if you manage to steal a peck, he is wiping it off, probably even feigning dismissal and disinterest. it isn't long until he's caving in because he wants to kiss you so bad but fortunately, you apologise and make up to him with hugs and kisses. “lame ass prank, shouldn't have done it if you can't keep your hands off me.” talking as if he wasn't experiencing withdrawal symptoms -⌓-

SUNOO

scoffs dramatically when you do it, knowing it's one of your silly little pranks because he always showers you in kisses and never once have you acted this way. he takes it as a challenge, giving you another kiss and his smile grows wide when you wipe it again, and this continues, getting faster and faster with both of your giggles and laughter erupting in the room. it's only a matter of time before he has you pinned on the couch, peppering your face with butterfly kisses and not giving you any opportunity to wipe them. “see, you can never escape my kisses.”

JUNGWON

is quite taken aback when he catches you wiping your lips, a bit flustered as he speaks sheepishly. “does my breath smell?” and you end up laughing, making him even more flustered. sort of laughs along with you but he is still giving you that clueless stare. “is something wrong? why are you laughing? wait, is this a prank?” he gets really self conscious but feels like he can breathe properly when you give up and tell him it's a prank, immediately giving him a kiss as an apology. “ah, you got me there.” he would still be a bit confused but would kiss you for hours later.

NI-KI

quite literally goes “eh?” when you wipe your lips after he gives you a quick peck, and then bursts into laughter as if it was an absolute knee slapper of a prank, while you're standing there all confused, giving him the '???' look. “what's so funny, 'ki?” you ask, and he would laugh even more, shaking his head while trying to compose himself. leans in to kiss you because of the look on your face but has to pull back because he ends up laughing again. “it's funny to see you wipe my kiss when you can't go a minute without them.”

[wonton4rang]

Can you write about Taesan being jealous ( but he's not your bf ) pls understand what I mean TT

i gotcha! or at least i think i did :') (and i really hope i did)

warnings; toxic behaviour, usage of taesan's real name (han dongmin), kissing. mentions of leehan.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

tbh taesan doesn't seems like the jealous type, i mean, c'mon WHY in the world would HE be jealous? he's so handsome and secure about himself that i can't see him being actually jealous over stupid things. not even serious stuff, he would just get kinda mad/ offended and confront you directly, asking you what's going on before jumping into any conclusions.

so you just know something's not right when he directly asks "why were you with leehan? you know how late it was? you shouldn't be out with boys that late at night" you first did not follow what he meant because it didn't make any sense, why was taesan out of all people questioning who you hanged out with or at what time you did it.

"we met up to watch a movie at his place but how did you even knew about that?" taesan clicked his tongue while he looked away from your questioning gaze, running his fingers through his hair before facing you again, "why shouldn't i know? is there anything you don't want me to know?" well what the fuck was he thinking.

you did not have anything against leehan but did taesan really thought you liked him? he was definitely not your type, and you thought your closest friend in college taesan would know that.

"why are you acting like this? did i do something to you?" but this was not flowing as a conversation when all you guys did was make question after question.

"do you like him? you should know he likes danielle"

"and i don't give a single fuck, dongmin, i'm pretty sure he likes her by the way he wouldn't stop babbling about it last night"

taesan was getting icky with the way you mentioned leehan: 'last night', 'at his place', 'why are you acting like this?' did you really have to ask? his eyebrows were so frowned and you could tell that he was thinking so hard about his next words, the way he opened his mouth and closed it again giving you the feeling of expectation he shattered when he finally spoke "i don't think you should be meeting him at his place, not that late, and specially not just the two of you. and before you excuse yourself by saying he likes danielle, that does not mean anything to a boy" he looked down on you a few times before he laughed a bit, looking around and thinking about how comical you may think this situation was.

because it was comically stupid, he was not even your boyfriend, he had a thing for you and even though he was very secure about his appearance, it was not on his plans to loose you if you didn't like him back for any reason. so he just stayed there, putting himself in the friendzone everyone frenetically wants to escape just so he could keep you close.

"aren't you going to say anything?" dongmin clapped back and you finally came back to your senses, this time you were the one laughing, crossing your arms in top of your chest and tilting your head.

"i really don't know what to say. but do you have anything to say to me?" at this point you knew, there has to be something behind his words, you needed to open your eyes and understand that taesan was NOT the type to be this direct, this talkative, this touchy, this friendly, he was not the type to carry your backpack when you were tired or buy you food just because you said it looked good, he was not the type to make random jokes and help you out with homework at his place while he looked at you with so much admiration that you could physically feel his gaze.

and he definitely was not the jealous type of person that would make this type of scenes just because you were their friend and they were worried about you going out too late to a boy's dorm.

"i just don't want you to see him again, can't you do those things with me? is it so hard?" you just denied with your head, running a hand through your hair before closing your eyes and letting a sigh out.

"you know you can just tell me if you wanna hang out with me, but as you never did i-"

"that doesn't mean i want you to hang out with other boys" he quickly stopped your words 'i just don't trust myself around you' were his next words, he couldn't hold himself from wanting to kiss you lately, but he stopped beforehand, just letting out a complain before grabbing his bag from the floor of your dorm and making his way to the door "don't mind me, i'm sorry if i made you feel uncomfortable, i'll just go. goodnight"

but what taesan did not expect was your hand grabbing his black jacket and pulling down to make him stop, he looked at you, his back still facing you, his hand around the doornob and his eyes looking so sad yet expecting that it just made you feel some type of way that led you to say "can you stay the night?" he finally turned around to face you, looking so shocked and confused as he could be "i mean is late and i wouldn't mind some company"

"if that's the case then i think i should keep you company, right?" a smile ran through his lips, his eyes looking so bright and that little blush in his cheeks making him look like the most adorable boy you've ever seen, you looked down to notice you were still holding his jacket and instead of letting it go you just pulled him closer, both of your chests collapsing together and you could feel his breath growing faster and more nervous each second that went by.

and you really didn't know what you were thinking when you leaned forward and brushed your lips together as a form of asking for permission, permission that was granted when taesan quickly joined your lips in a sweet kiss, sweeter than you ever expected, specially with the recent argument you guys had, but it was better than anything you could've imagined.

he was so soft, so good at making your legs weak with a slow and warm kiss, his tongue poking your bottom lip and his right hand going up to your hair to get you closer to him, you stumbling with your own feet at the action but being carefully held by his other hand grabbing your waist after his bag fell to the ground. the kiss went on for a few more seconds, almost a minute, before you two pulled apart, you trying to look him in the eyes but he just looked at the ground because he was so ashamed :(

"dongmin?"

"you know i like you, right?" you just nodded when he looked up "well fuck, what gave me up?" you laughed, it was funny because you just realized during your kiss about his feelings, no one ever kissed you that way, with so much care and softness, he was so lovely that you just knew.

"your kiss was really sweet, you know?" and it was his turn to laugh, just looking back to the ground and then facing you to ask "so, what now?"

"well, you are staying the night, we can talk about it"

"we can't be friends after this, i can't, y/n"

"i never said we'll be friends"

and the night just went on, jealousy forgotten long ago and you two cuddling in the couch while you watched a random movie but it was truly just you two kissing all night :((

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this is my first taesan ask!! tysm, i hope y'all enjoyed 🫶

[the-modern-typewriter]

hi! i really love your writing and if you’re up to it do you think you could write something like desperate to keep them x has to stay but will never love them? something about having exactly what you want but at the same time it never being enough is what gets me

"If you stand down," the hero said, "you can have me. That's what you want, right?"

The villain's stomach dropped out. They froze. Whatever they had expected from these 'peace talks' it absolutely wasn't that. They stared at the back of the hero's head for a beat, before slowly closing the door behind them with a click.

"You think I want you more than the whole world?"

"Yes."

The hero's simple, certain response floored them and any negotiations they may have made. It wiped the mockery from the villain's voice, from the smirking curl of their lip. It stripped them bare in the cool evening air.

The line of the hero's back was tensed as they leaned against the balcony. As the silence stretched, the hero pushed up and turned to face them, one eyebrow raising.

The villain wet their lips, gaze raking over the hero, heart hammering. "When you said I can have you..."

The hero shrugged. "However you like, so long as no one else gets hurt. I won't kill anyone for you."

"You don't love me."

The hero blinked; as if they'd somehow thought that the villain was so deluded as to think their feelings returned, or that the question of the hero's feelings didn't matter.

"I can be convincing." The hero summoned a smile to their face. It was soft and pitch-perfect adoring. They swept across the small space to gently take the villain's hand, all those lines of tension melting from them. "You won't be able to tell the difference."

Ah. There it was. The hero sounded so certain of that, too. Did they think the villain didn't know what the hero was like when they were in love? Or was it that they thought they didn't understand or know love well enough as a feeling to recognise the real thing?

It felt like withering. The villain felt tiny. It felt like something in them had shattered a bit.

They hadn't ever really thought the hero would love them, but they hadn't thought...

The hero cupped their cheek and the villain sucked in a sharp breath. The hero's smile grew as they stroked their thumb hypnotic along the curve of the villain's jaw.

"You have enough money," the hero murmured. "We'll go somewhere quiet, somewhere far away from all of this. Just the two of us. We can be whatever else you want us to be."

It hurt.

"But you don't love me," the villain said, again, dumbly.

"Who would after everything you've done?" The hero dropped their hand, and the villain felt cold all over. "But this is the best that you're going to get. Who knows. Maybe I'll learn to love you."

There was something mocking in the hero's eyes so the villain looked down. They didn't think the hero meant to be cruel. Maybe that made it crueller; the villain could have dealt with deliberate cruelty with more ease and familiarity.

"The best I'm ever going to get," they echoed.

Who would after everything you've done?

"You love me." The hero's voice was mostly steady. "You won't kill me. That means, if this gets into a fight, you'll lose."

"Then why - why would you surrender?"

"Because us fighting costs everyone else too much. You - you're possessive. Jealous. I've seen the way that you look at my friends. At the people I love. If we're being honest."

The villain had expected a peace talk of dancing around, of some token gesture that they would both shrug off like 'whoops, we tried'. It didn't feel like that. It didn't feel like peace at all.

The hero had dealt a mortal blow and the villain didn't think they were even aware of it.

Maybe a kind love would fight and lose. The villain was not kind. They didn't know how to be something that the hero loved, but for a while, they had tried.

The fury came like an avalanche, just as quick, just as deadly.

"Alright," they said.

The hero's eyes snapped back to them, eyes wide, for all of their earlier certainty.

"I accept your terms," the villain said. "So long as you can convince me that you really love me."

The hero beamed, like the villain was everything that they wanted, and kissed them.

in the days, in the weeks, in the months and the years that followed it was those words that the villain regretted the most.

Because the hero was convincing. They were perfect.

And the villain knew, with every beat of their heart, that not a single second they shared from that moment on was real.

[carmyboobear]

Idk if you've written this but can you write about carmy and the reader arguing and he makes her cry? Idk I just feel like thatd be good angst fluff lol

AHH I got carried away as per usual. anyway this is good stuff. wrote a bunch. enjoy!!

word count: 1.3k

tags: traumatized carmy, mentally ill carmy and reader, arguing, language, HURT/COMFORT, ANGST/FLUFF, carmy being a sweetie

Hm…i'm spending a lot of time thinking about the set-up for this. Carmy is a very careful person when it comes to those he’s romantically involved in, but at the same time, he has a hard time controlling his temper when he's in the darkness, as i'll put it. 

here's something awful i think about that i wanna write about. carmy's stressed about work, because of course he is. he's carmy. his head is whirring, spinning with anxiety and self-hatred. i think you're just like him. mentally ill for mentally ill if you will. you're also in a bad mood, and he comes home from The Bear exhausted and keyed up.

“I hate when you push me away like this,” you admit. You've been trying to get him to talk to you since he's been home. Maybe he just needs space, but separation makes you anxious. Especially when he shuts down. 

“I'm sorry that it's so hard for you,” he spits, finally snapping and turning to face you. You've followed him into the dark bedroom, lit only by the harsh moonlight through the window. You flinch. You never quite get used to seeing him like this. 

“I—I just—“ you feel pressure beginning in the back of your eyes. You will it away. “How can I help you if you don’t talk to me?”

“Why do you care so much? Does it make you feel better to take care of someone more fucked up than you?” He snaps, voice raised. His words go down bitter, leaving an awful taste in your mouth. Something in you shatters.

“How could you ask me that?” Your vision’s gone hot and blurry. “I’m your partner. I love you, that’s why I care, you asshole!” You’re stifling sobs. You hate crying in fights like this, but it hurts. You can’t help it.

“Fuck,” Carmy mutters under his breath. He’s gone still in your blurred vision. “Baby, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that—“

“That was so fucked up, Carmy.” You move to sit on the bed, trying to wipe your tears away, but they keep coming. “What’s your problem?”

“You know what my problem is.” His remorse has swept away the anger, leaving him quiet before you. He leans down at your knees, hands on your thighs. “I shouldn’t have said that. Any of that.”

“You shouldn’t have.” Carmy nods quickly, and he raises a hand to your wet cheeks. “Fuckin’ asshole.”

“I know.” He takes your pain, your anger in its entirety. His other hand brings your knuckles to his lips. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it.“

“Sure sounded like you meant it.” Anger flares up in your chest, hurt and betrayed, but you tamp it down, leaning into his hand cradling his face. You take a deep breath to steady yourself. “Damnit, Carmy.”

“I know. I know.” He’s still kissing your hand. “You’re too good for me. I don’t deserve you.” You hate it when he talks like this, because you can tell he really believes it.

“Don’t say that. Please.” 

“But it’s true.” You look down at him in the moonlight, at his sad blue eyes. “I always find ways to hurt you. I…”

“That’s what being in a relationship is, Carm.” You pat the space next to you. “Sit with me?”

“I keep having to remind myself of that.” He sinks into the bed next to you. “I’m so sorry for talking about you like that. Like you’re only doing this out of…I don’t know. Obligation.” He drags a hand across his tired face. “You don’t deserve that. I’m sorry. I just, I just think that—that I’m—fuck—“

“Slow down, Carm,” you say quietly. “It’s okay. You don’t need to force it. I’m listening.” He smiles bitterly at you, and you recognize the love in it easily. He takes in a deep breath before continuing. 

“I still have a hard time believing that anyone cares about me. I can’t even believe that you—love me.” You can practically see the shame rolling off of him in waves. “And it makes me scared.”

“Love is scary, isn’t it?” You say softly. He just nods. “It scares me, too. That’s why I kept pestering you when you got home. I…” You blink quickly. You don’t wanna cry again. “It scares me when I don’t know what you’re thinking. Because…I dunno. It just does.”

“Yeah?” You nod. He has this thoughtful expression that he holds for a moment as he stews on your words. “I didn’t think about it like that. I’m sorry. I think…I think when you kept asking me if I was okay, it…” he sighs, scratches at his temples. “I felt like I was…getting back into a corner. I think.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize.” You take his hand in yours. “I can see how that must’ve felt really bad.”

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault that I’m like this. I think—I think it just reminded me of my mom. We would always ask her if she was okay, because she’s fucking crazy, yknow? We didn’t wanna step on her toes. But it turns out we did anyway. And the way I acted just now, I was just like…” He can’t even get the words out. “I’m sorry,” he apologizes again, voice choked with emotion. “I love you. So much. You know that, right?”

“You tell me everyday. How could I not?” You pull him into a hug, tight and warm, and he instantly wraps his arms around you. “You’re not your mom, Carm. You're nothing like her. Okay?” 

“I don’t wanna be like her,” he whispers. “I don’t wanna be like her.”

“You’re not,” you remind him softly. “And you won’t be.”

Carmy leans back to look at you, but he remains close. His expression is knotted with pain. You run your thumb over his furrowed brow, and it makes his mouth curve upwards in a smile. It’s fleeting, but it was there. 

“I’m sorry,” he repeats. “I’ll try to open up more. Let you know what I’m thinking.”

Suddenly, you think about when you first started dating Carmy. He was so scared to open up to you emotionally, but with gentle prodding, he fell apart instantly. There was a hunger in him to be known by others, to be seen by you, and it scared him to death. You see that same fear in him now, but you also see how much he’s grown since then. You doubt you would’ve been able to have this conversation at all in the first couple months. 

That makes you happy in a way you’re not quite able to word properly.

“Thank you. But I hope you also know I don’t want to force you. I just wanna help. And…” You measure your words carefully. “I’ll try not to let it freak me out so much. Because if you’re not in the mood to talk, I want you to know that’s okay. Okay?”

“Okay. I’d like that. If I don’t want to talk, I’ll just tell you. Instead of…blowing a fuse.” He laughs dryly. 

“I’d like that too.” You let out an exhale of relief you didn’t realize you were holding. “Wow, Carm. Look at us. Communicating!”

“I know.” That makes him laugh for real this time, and you’re laughing too. “I couldn’t do it without you.”

“I think you could. But I certainly like doing it with you.” His smiles grows wider at that, brimming with affection. 

“Let me make this up to you, baby.” He pulls you in for a kiss, slow and deep. You let out a little noise when his lips meet yours. 

“Make it up to me?” Carmy’s tongue is on your neck now. Oh. “Aren’t you tired? You—you have work tomorrow—?”

“Don’t care.” You fall back onto the bed, and the blankets deflate under you. You stare up at Carmy, his curls hanging by his face. “You’re more important.”

“Well, if you insist…” You giggle, and your giggles get louder when Carmy pulls up your shirt to blow raspberries against your stomach. “Carmy, quit it—oh—!”

He makes it up to you in full and more by keeping his head between your legs for the rest of the night. By the end of it you can't remember what you were mad about in the first place.

[lovingache]

—unrequited love oikawa x unpopular!childhood friend!reader

this is angst, be forewarned. based on gold rush by taylor swift. gn! reader, angst, i'm probably gonna write a part 2 with a happy ending because this made me sad. not proofread.

oikawa who's so popular and so sweet to all of the girls that talk to him. who entertains their squeals and giggles, their requests for photos, for autographs, for hugs. who's known as the beloved, golden boy, favourite of Seijoh. who loves this and soaks it up every single time a group gathers around him, whose eyes shine brighter when someone praises him, especially when it's you

who frowns when you tell him that you're uncomfortable around the people he's around sometimes. how you can feel how they look at you differently. how they see you as a nuisance, a roadblock, to get to him. whose heart shatters when you tell him that you're going to try to find your own group of friends like he has, who wants to keep you here, right here with him like it always has been, but who agrees and cheerily tells you that you can do it

who feels so guilty when he's not there to tell off the people who make fun of you or make you feel invisible; who wants to, for the only other time in his life, become violent against the people that ever dared to make you feel like shit. who sobs with you as he reassures you that he's your friend, your best friend, and that he loves you so much. who repeats your name as he rocks you back and forth and swears that no one will ever be able to make you feel that way— not when he's around.

oikawa who looks at you with the deepest scarlet painting his face when you ask him once so casually, as easy as breathing, "what must it be like to grow up as beautiful as you, toru?" who looks at you, confused, and wants to shake you and ask you the same thing. who wants to kiss that stupid doubtful look off your face. who scoffs and waves it off when you tell him everybody wants him, that everyone wonders what it'd be like to love him. who wants to scream at you when you insinuate that, maybe, he'll replace you soon— the way your eyes brim with unshed tears and your lips pout makes him want to tear his own heart out and hand it to you, still beating, because his heart has only ever beaten for you.

oikawa who doesn't know how you've been in love with him since you could conceptualize the idea of love. who doesn't realize that you pull away from him too quickly from soft, sweet hugs, that you glare at his whispered compliments, that you avoid ever being alone with him for too long because you don't know how long you can stand being there with him without kissing him and baring your soul to him

who doesn't realize that you only ever spent valentine's day with him. patiently waiting until after he was done talking to all of the girls that came bearing gifts for him to give him yours. who doesn't understand that his sweet smile and grateful words wormed their way into your heart, your dreams. how you dreamed of him as often as breathing, as easy as smiling when he makes a stupid joke. who never knew or realized, or maybe he did but never wanted to make things awkward by turning you down, just how clearly in love with him you are.

oikawa who's so afraid of losing you, of freaking you out, or making you feel as if he were pressuring you into anything that he just doesn't end up making a move on you for the entirety of high school. who stares at you from across any room you two happen to be in, who loves it when you argue with him, loves it when you glare at him or smile or, fuck, anything. he'd take you giving that annoyed look when he gives you a compliment over anything else in his life and god damn it why is it so damn hard to convince himself to make a move on you

who would give up the world for you. would scorn his beloved sport, his near celebrity status at school and in town, if it meant you became his. if it meant you'd understand the gravity of what he feels for you. who'd forego the praise from everyone else if only you'd praise him more often, or tell him off, or anything to indicate that you don't just look at him as the snot-faced little boy he was when you first became friends all those years ago

who looks at you with so much sadness in his eyes when he tells you in your first year of university that he's going off to Argentina. who cries hard with you (you both aren't even really sure why you two are crying so hard) as he holds onto you as if you were going to disappear the minute he steps onto the plane. who make you promise that it's still going to be you and him, best friends, as always. that he'll be back as soon as humanly possible. as soon as he's a champion, a winner. who promises himself that when he wins that big, coveted tournament on the international stage, then he'll be good enough to ask you out. to tell you how much he loves you. how it's always ever been you.

oikawa whose heart shatters into a trillion pieces when he checks his phone one practice

who has to excuse himself in fragmented spanish from the court

who can barely choke out the words as he stumbles into the bathroom

whose eyes sting and who curses himself in the mirror when he reads and re-reads and re-reads the words he never wanted to read in his life, not from you, never from you:

"i met someone and i think i'm falling for them"

[cho-aaacho]

I looked at you, I thought it was love

Masterlist

Summary : "I talk as if I know all about love, and I act as if I'm going to cry, saying I was truthful back then and saying it hurts me too. I'm sorry."

Warning : Angst

"Satoru-kun..."

A weary sigh escapes, audible when that name is uttered. Satoru doesn't turn around; instead, he remains silent, sweating, as if weighed down by something.

After three years of his absence, you found yourself summoning the courage to meet with your ex-boyfriend. 

Though you hadn't planned on it, a single thought lingered in your mind: you should meet him. You wanted to explain everything and clarify your relationship with him.

"Satoru-kun?"

Your voice echoes, calling once again with a slightly emphasized tenderness, puzzled by Satoru's lack of response. He had never been like this before; he always cared about you and loved everything about you, making it clear that you were his. 

You could always feel the tenderness of his love, the smoothness of his lips on yours, the gentle kiss on your neck, and the way he hugged your presence within his warm body.

Also, there are the tranquil eyes that imprint the soul, the serene quartz that clouds your thoughts, and the soft strands that evoke memories, most of which you wish not to forget.

But when did he change into this? Maybe when that woman came into his life—his old friend, he claimed—the one who had been involved with him since high school.

You couldn't wrap your mind around how someone like him could betray you. Even though you heard it from others and denied it at first after seeing him embrace that woman gently, kiss her in public, and boldly announce her as his new girlfriend, everything around you seems to fall.

You both were still young at the time, you knew that very well. Such things often happen in young love.

Satoru inquires, "How did you find me?"

"Haibara-san mentioned your art gallery; it looks like I'm the only person you haven't informed about this," you respond.

As you tried to compose yourself, you noticed a faint smile on his face. It was the same smile you'd always seen, yet there was something different about Satoru's eyes...

...they seemed

empty.

He chuckled, shaking his head. "I didn't expect you to come here."

He seems to be trying to not care and hide the truth that he yearns for you, eagerly awaiting your return, longing for your sweet scent and the lovely endearments as in the old days. 

"It's been three years; how's your day, Satoru-kun? Are you still with her?"

"My day?" He chuckled. "Not as good as when you're around."

The void is engulfed in silence, hanging thick in the air as Satoru wrestles with his tears, battling to keep his emotions in check. A painful flashback hits him like a tidal wave when he sees you.

Looking back on it only fuels his frustration, leaving behind a pain that leaves no visible scars on his fragile heart. 

Why does everything feel so bad? So agonizing? Even the surroundings seem out of place and surreal.

Satoru asks softly. "Are you seeking revenge? By leaving me and going with him? That's what you want to tell me?"

You laugh amidst tears. "Look at yourself before speaking."

"Are you here because you're marrying someone else?" he asked. "I couldn't care less about that man, but why are you here to inflict such pain? Am I the one at fault? Tell me."

You bite your lower lip. "Well, you're the one who dumped me back then, aren't you? You chose her over me. Did you think I didn't know? For a long time, I held onto faith in you, but you shattered my trust. So why are you causing me more pain when I couldn't do the same to you?"

There's a pause, and you continue. "I'm sorry if my actions have caused you suffering; yes, I know, I can't forgive what you did. But I need to heal my heart now, and unfortunately, you're not the one to do that. I'm sorry if that sounds naive or perhaps cruel."

"I hope I still love you the way I loved you in the past, but unfortunately everything has changed. I don't want to lie to myself." You added and peeked at the wedding invitation on the table where your name and Geto Suguru's are on it.

Is it all right? All of this? Did you really want this? 

He stood up and reached out to you, wrapping his arms around you, pulling you into his embrace, and hugging you from behind, keeping you by his side for a while. You could feel him crying, trying not to let himself be swept away by the sensation, and convincing himself that all of this was just a dream. 

He bit his lower lip, checking if it was a dream or reality, only to realize that he was hurting himself by doing so.

He leaned down, placed his chin on your shoulder, and whispered, "I'm not afraid of you leaving; I'm afraid you'll forget me. I don't want to die with us hating each other. Please, come back to me, I'm sorry."

He continues. "Could we still meet, even though the world we tread upon doesn't allow us to meet each other? Will you always be the love of my life?"

But why now? 

Why, after you've found another man who's willing to heal your heart? Why did this happen to you?

Was Satoru just acting? Or were all the things you saw in the past just illusions? How could Satoru act in such a way and make you feel at fault?

Was he trying to manipulate you?

You never know.

[fooled-around-and-fell]

something i'm made for

summary: you've never wanted to have kids, so finding out you wouldn't be able to have one shouldn't make you sad... right? pairing: gojo satoru x female reader content warnings: if you've watched HIMYM and remember what happened to Robin, this is basically that but JJK. angsty. reader doesn't want kids. not at all accurate to the manga/anime. no curses AU. angst with comfort. Masterlist

It's what you wanted, right?

Your wish has been granted.

You won't have kids. Ever.

Shouldn't you be happy?

You've never wanted kids your whole life, and now that the doctor has confirmed that you can't have kids... isn't that what you wanted?

It doesn't feel like victory.

You sigh.

"You okay?"

Your head snaps up, forgetting you're currently having drinks with your friends.

"O-oh yeah, just.. stressed about work."

You swivel the whiskey in your glass. You'll never need to restrain yourself from drinking alcohol because of a baby.

It's a win... no?

Sighing again, you down your whiskey and stand up from the booth. "I'm gonna head back, not feeling great today."

It's a series of 'boos' and 'aws' and 'stay a bit longer' but none of their words seem to reach you. You say brief goodbyes and make your way out the door. Everything's a murmur until you step outside, and then it's quiet. It's cold. Somehow the silence is now louder than when you're inside.

"Hey."

You see Satoru step out of the bar. "I'm okay."

"Yes, you said that already," He chuckles, "Can I walk you home?"

You start walking and he follows along, keeping up with your slow pace, hands bumping into each others' sometimes -- it's all very sweet, feels very high school-ly, and you can't help but let your heart race.

There's always some tension whenever it's just you and Satoru. Like it's obvious that you like each other, but nothing ever happens because... well... you don't actually know why. You're scared of making the first move, but also what would you do if Satoru does make the first move?

What if it's awkward?

But what if it works out?

What if you break up? It'll be really awkward for your other friends.

What if it's always meant to be?

What if you want to have a future with him?

And what if he wants kids?

Something you can't give him. Something that you'll talk about now on every first date because it is a dealbreaker for almost everyone. And look at Satoru, he's the sweetest angel who's gonna be an amazing dad some day while you'll just watch from afar.

You're overthinking again. All of this because of your feelings for him.

"Crazy how Suguru now has kids. Twins, even." Satoru chuckles, "Utahime is pregnant too... man, we're getting old."

Of all the topics, really? This is what he wants to talk about?

"Haha, yeah," You fake a laugh, "I don't know how they do it."

"Well I guess we'll know when it happens."

And it'll never happen.

You stop in your tracks as the sadness washes over you again.

You don't want kids, you should be celebrating the fact that you'll never wake up in the middle of the night to soothe cries, never have to change a dirty diaper, never have to stress out over your child getting hurt.

So why are you sad? Why?

You don't realize you're crying until you see Satoru's surprised eyes looking at you from below. He's crouching so he can see what you're hiding under all your hair, and the sight breaks his heart.

He wipes your tears away, standing up again and kissing your cheeks while he's at it.

"Tell me what's bothering you," He says, "I'll make it go away, I promise."

You offer him a bittersweet laugh, "You can't... not this one."

But you can't not tell Satoru what's wrong. He's your best friend -- and you actually do want to tell him, you just don't know how to. You're scared Satoru would say what you're feeling is ridiculous... you find it ridiculous yourself.

You grasp his hand that's holding you so dearly as if you'd shatter and finally tell him what's weighing your mind.

"I can't have kids."

Satoru blinks a few times, letting the silence sink in.

"I, uh, went to the doctor the other day for a checkup and she told me I'm.. infertile." You laugh awkwardly, trying to make a joke out of it but your quivering lip gives it away.

"Satoru," you continue, "I should be glad, right? I don't want to have kids, so this news should make me happy, right?"

He holds your hand just as tightly and hugs you while you cry into his chest. He's not sure what to say, but he figures it must be frustrating. Not wanting to have kids is one thing, but to have the choice taken away from you is something completely different.

You let him stay with you that night. He holds you close and comforts you as you lay in each other's arms. You feel bad for possibly using Satoru to make yourself feel better, but little do you know that he'll happily do anything you want and you needn't ask.

"I'll always be here for you."

[reidbae]

DAY 8: Shattered — rough sex w/dom!spencer reid

KINKTOBER 2023: masterlist

summary: You needed some quick relief from your profiling professor, who gives it to you: In the roughest way possible.

pairing: dom!prof!spencer reid x sub!fem!reader

warnings/mentions: teacher x student relationship, AFAB!reader, choking, hair pulling, vaginal sex, degradation, praise, use of pet names (doll, baby, honey, sweetheart), public sex but not rlly, general rough sex, fic is veryyy to the point so be warned LOL

wc: 1.2k

"Wait, Spencer, fuck," you muttered under your breath, your hand coming up to cover your mouth as you felt his cock push deep inside of you.

You had used your break at school to go see your professor, who also happened to be your boyfriend.

Your very rough boyfriend.

Your body had been begging for him from the second that you had his class that morning, and you knew you wouldn't be able to get through the day without him fucking that need out of you at least once.

What you didn't expect was for him to be so mean about it.

You were bent over his desk, with Spencer positioned behind you. You were now on your second round, because, it would seem, one wasn't enough for Spencer. You felt his cock push into your sensitive cunt before you'd had even a second to cool down from your first high.

Thus, provoking that response.

"I can't," you whispered in a small, pained voice, your cheeks flaring up with heat at the feeling.

Spencer didn't seem to care about your whines of concern, and only moved himself deeper inside of you, causing you to moan out with a mix of pain and pleasure, and him to chuckle.

"You can't what, sweetheart? Handle it?" Spencer teased you, allowing a hand to close around your throat and squeeze down as he spoke to you. "Weren't you just begging for me to fuck you?"

"Well—Um, I- That's—" you fumbled with your words; But the both of you knew it was impossible for much to coherently leave your mouth at the moment.

"Exactly," Spencer cut you off in a hoarse voice. "I'm only giving you what you asked me for. Now, why don't you be a good girl, shut up, and take it?" he said cruelly, before going right back to pounding into you.

He moved his hand away from your throat as you took him from behind, his hands settling themselves onto your ass and squeezing down. It was all you could do to keep your mouth shut as he did so.

Seeming to be thinking the same thing you were, Spencer moved one of his hands away from your bottom and put it over your mouth, making sure not even one sound could escape your lips. "Keep it down, honey. I'm the only one who gets to hear those pretty moans," he teased.

Your whine in response to that was muffled by his large hand over your mouth, and, like he'd said, all you really could do was sit there and take it.

It wasn't long before pain fluxed back into pleasure, and your whimpers of pain dissolved into lewd moans once more. Spencer only chuckled, but wouldn't remove his hand from your mouth even once.

"That's it, doll. Feels good now, huh?" Spencer said in a raspy voice. You nodded eagerly, moaning into his hand.

You weren't sure what made you do it, but you had a tiny urge to rebel a bit, just to see what Spencer would do. You lifted a weak hand to the one that was covering your mouth, and tried to move his hand away so you could speak.

Spencer's grip was firm, though, and he didn't allow that to happen. "And what is it you think you're doing, sweetheart?" he asked in a rough voice.

You moved your head back as a way to get away from his hand, and this time, succeeded. "Please, Spencer. Please let me talk," you whined out in a bratty, almost snappy voice.

You didn't have to look to know that Spencer wasn't a fan of that.

For a second, you figured he would give it up and let you do what you wanted to do. But when the feeling of soft fabric tying your hands behind your back hit your skin, you knew that that was far from what was going to happen.

You looked back to see what he'd done: Spencer had used the tie he was wearing to hold back your hands, leaving him only in a white unbuttoned work shirt. One of his hands raked through your hair, pulling just a bit to keep you down, and the other went back to your mouth.

"If I tell you to shut up and take it, that's what you do," Spencer said, like it was the easiest thing to humanly comprehend. "Do you understand me?"

You didn't have it in you anymore to deny him; You only nodded your head quickly in response. Spencer chuckled for a second, moving one of his hands down to your throat again. "Attagirl."

After a while, when Spencer began to feel you coming in on your second high, he pulled you into his chest, so that your back was flush against him.

The hand that was disallowing you to speak moved down to rub rough, fast circles on your clit, causing you to moan out with pleasure.

Your expression was nothing short of pornographic as you whispered, "God, Spencer," in a broken voice. "More. Please."

Spencer smirked at you and obliged, doing all that he could to get you to your climax. His free hand cupped your breast, fondling it at the same pace as his other hand did your clit, and attacking your neck with kisses.

Spencer's lips left hickeys wherever they touched as he bit, kissed, and sucked your neck, like he'd die if he didn't. "How's that for you, honey?" he whispered in between kisses.

All you could do was nod in response to that. "Good. So good," you murmured. You tilted your head back to kiss him, your lips meeting each other with frenzied passion. You shamelessly allowed your tongue to explore his mouth, the both of you moaning into it.

Spencer's hands only moved quicker on your clit as his cock pounded into you, desperate to get you to your high. "God, you look so pretty like this," Spencer whispered as he kissed your neck. "My pretty slut, aren't you, sweetheart?"

You nodded, looking at him with a lewd expression. "Y- Yes," you could barely stutter out. "I'm yours."

"That's a good girl," he responded as he pressed his lips to yours again, clearly amused by how needy you were being for him.

Your brain was far too muddled with pleasure to process his teasing tone of voice.

"Spencer," you moaned, covering your mouth with your hand, just as Spencer had done to you earlier. "I- I'm gonna—Fuck," you moaned into his ear.

Spencer only smirked at your shattered tone of voice, chuckling and moving your hand away from your mouth, wanting to hear you this time. "Go ahead, honey. Let it out."

That was all you needed.

A broken whine of Spencer's name fell from your lips as waves of pleasure crashed all over your body, with Spencer moving into you at a speed that could only be described as criminal. His hand rubbing you while he helped you reach your high, too, was almost too much for you to handle.

Almost.

Spencer's actions mimicked yours as he moaned your name into your neck, squeezing your waist forcefully as he filled you to the brim with his cum.

As you both panted, coming down from your climaxes, Spencer pressed a few gentle kisses to your face, a stark contrast to the rough manner he had been handling you in before. "Did I give you what you wanted, baby?" he asked in a soft voice.

You nodded, smiling back at him, and running your fingers through his hair. "Yeah, and then some."

—

reblogs are very much appreciated! <3

—

please let me know if you want to be added to my tag list!

—

[kikiyoomis]

"what do even you like about me?"

sakusa is taken aback from your sudden question. the two of you were laying on bed, individually scrolling through your respective phones just before bed. there was nothing during the day that would've suggested your change in mood.

sakusa shuts his phone off and places it on the nightstand beside him before pulling you into his embrace.

"like? baby i'm so in love with you that there's nothing that i only 'like' about you," sakusa says while he buries his face into your neck.

"yea but... i'm not even that... special. i'm not super pretty or talented or smart or-" you say before the words are caught in your throat and tears starts to form.

"i feel like i just got lucky. like... why would you settle for someone like me?" you whisper.

you've had these thoughts for a while. before they only came up when you were going through a rough time with your self-confidence but recently, with sakusa's booming popularity as a highly anticipated rookie in the v league, what was left of your confidence completely shattered.

you were happy for him of course. you've been rooting for him ever since he started getting offers to play various division 1 teams. but now that your boyfriend was placed into the spotlight, you could also see all of the people who could easily take your spot as his lover. after all he had talented volleyball players, models, actors, idols and so many high status celebrities talking about him. surely he would find someone better than you who, in comparison to him, has amounted to virtually nothing.

"who said that?" sakusa asked concerned written all over his face. he sits up and pulls you into his embrace but you turn away from him.

"nobody..." you trail off, not wanting to admit that the person who put these ideas into your head was in fact yourself.

"please tell me what's going on. it can't be nobody putting those useless thoughts into your head," sakusa says soothingly as he twirls your hair around his finger gently.

"its just that... "you start but you cut yourself off. "it's nothing."

"it's not nothing. not if it has you this sad," sakusa says and you feel compelled to cry your heart out to him. to tell him about all of your worries and doubts. but what if it burdens him? he already has enough on his plate. the more you thought about it however, the less you could keep it in.

"i can't figure out why you would love someone like me. aren't i just bringing you down? sooner or later you'll find someone you love more and you won't even spare me a glance when leave. and every time i think about you leaving me i get so scared but i can't even be mad about it because if i were you i would leave me too," you finally say, tears falling down your cheeks as you finally verbalized the thoughts you held for years.

"i would never leave you. never in any lifetime of mine that i would leave you," sakusa says, trying to soothe you but your crying doesn't stop.

"i should've just stayed quiet and enjoyed my time as your s/o while it lasts. i shouldn't be this upset over the fact that you'll leave me because it's fated to happen."

sakusa pulls you into a tight embrace and as much as you want to push away, you give into his hug. he's whispering something but you can't make out what he's saying over your uneven breaths.

"y/n, i love everything about you. and i mean it. nobody, for the entirety of our relationship and before, ever came close." he brings his hands to you face and wipes your tears away with his thumb.

"but-"

"no buts."

after a few moments of silence, sakusa speaks up again.

"you know... the day you asked me out... i was going to confess to you the next day. i was so surprised, i had everything prepared and you come out of nowhere telling me that you liked me," sakusa says.

"but i was so happy you know? happier than winning the collegiate mvp. i mean for years i just had to silently deal with my feelings and who would've known that the person of my dreams is here in my arms. god, i don't even know where to start. i just... my feelings for you goes beyond love. i can't even form into words how hard my heart beats for you."

sakusa always had a way with words whenever the subject came to you. which is why you could never beat him in an argument no matter how ridiculous.

he leans in to you and places a soft kiss on your tear stained cheek. then he places another, following the trail before reaching your lips. he presses the kiss there a little longer than the gentle pecks he left on your cheeks.

you tilt your head slightly, letting your lips lock with his. you stay like that until one of you broke for air. you're greeted with sakusa's smiling face. a smile where it reaches his eyes and he's looking at you with such fondness you felt your heart skip a beat like it was the first time you had laid eyes on him.

"don't worry, i'll love you enough for the both of us. nobody will come between us, not even the stupid voices in your head." and just give me a couple weeks my love. a couple more weeks i'll prove to you how i love you by putting a ring on your finger.

[histarean]

barracks bunny

könig x fem reader

summ: you're known as the barracks bunny while you and könig are dating

word count: 1.8k

content/warnings: angst, comfort

a/n: i love könig and writing angst so why not combine them? this is my first cod "fic" so i'm pretty excited! i know my account has been primarily aot but i hope this reaches the cod fandom. love you all

Rumors spread fast in the military. Everyone on the base knew that, especially you. 

König and you had been together for a while now and while all the guys knew you were his, there were still whispers floating around. Whispers soon turned to stares, stares to quiet laughing and eventually, the whole base knew you as the barracks bunny. 

Now, König’s not stupid, of course he heard what the other cadets were saying and to say he was not happy was an understatement. He knew he had to do something but with three warnings racked up (for beating up other soldiers who were talking shit about you) he couldn’t just fight everyone on the entire base. The next best option was to confront you about it.

His footsteps down the hall sounded like thunder and his breathing was lightning. Each step he took was filled with anger and everyone he passed could hear it. How could these people say those things about his schatz? 

“You know she’s slept with half of us already?”

“She’s such a slut”

“I wonder if I’ve ever got a chance with her”

It's so cruel. His precious lover being reduced to a “slut” a “whore” a “barracks bunny” it was all too much. König was trained to keep cool during battle, to withstand weeks of torture, to take stabs to the chest and bullets in the leg but this? No. This was unacceptable. 

He’s closer to your room now. Closer to finding out the truth and his thoughts are racing. What if it is true? Has this whole relationship been a sham? Rumors don't come from nowhere, there has to be some validity behind it. He hopes it’s not true. He really, really does because what would be left for him without you? What would he be fighting for? 

König stands outside your door. Just standing. His hand is on the doorknob but he can’t bring himself to open it. He can hear you laughing on the other side with someone else. So it was true. König could feel his heart break and shatter into a million pieces. The already faint talking started sounding like gibberish as he slowly let his hand fall from the door to his side. It felt like time had stopped and everything around him faded away into oblivion. Maybe he had been there for 30 seconds, a minute, 5 minutes, who could say. Nothing mattered anymore. 

Thoughts of leaving KorTac crossed his mind since..what was left for him here? You had lied to him. You promised it was all a joke and nothing happened. That you were his one and only. 

The trance was suddenly broken when the door opened and a hand pressed against his chest. 

“König, what are you doing?” your familiar voice brought him to his senses. 

He couldn’t look you in the eyes. His head bowed, eyes settling on the ground. 

You tried shaking his arm but he barely budged. 

So tense, you thought. 

“Hey talk to me big guy” you brought your fingers to his chin lifting his head. It’s a reach. “Please” 

König let you lift his head but averted his gaze to the room in front of him. It was Ghost. 

Ghost was the one in your room. Why him of all people? 

“You lied to me” , his accent thick. 

He felt betrayed. His only love had gone behind his back and stabbed him in the heart. This hurt more than any wound he’d ever had. Bullet holes were nothing compared to this. No knife could cut deep enough to produce the same pain he was feeling. 

“When were you going to tell me? That there were others in your life” he struggled to get the words out of his mouth. 

“What are you talking about?” you were audibly confused. “Is this about those rumors you’ve heard? I told you they were all fake” 

König mustered up the courage to look you in the face. You were so beautiful. Even though he was angry, he couldn’t get enough of you. He could look at you forever if he wanted. Your eyes seemed to suck him in like a black hole. Once you’re in, you can’t get back out. No matter how hard you try. No matter how hard he tried. 

But past all that, he couldn’t find a hint of deception in your face. You looked genuinely lost. 

“Why is Ghost in your room?” König glanced up to him. 

Ghost wasn’t doing anything. Not hurriedly pulling up his pants, not putting his shirt back on, nothing that would point to them being interrupted. He was calmly sitting on a chair, observing a rifle. Fully clothed, mask and all. You, on the other hand, were still dressed in cargo pants and a creme tank top that hugged your chest. So what the hell were you two doing? 

“He was showing me how to load ammo more efficiently” you turned back to Ghost, he was completely unbothered. Not even looking up.  

Everyone knew you had a hard time loading ammo quickly and were often stuck using knives and other weapons in place of guns. Price was even close to discharging you because of this.

Lovers quarrel, he thought. It was a ridiculous argument and Ghost wanted no part of it. He got up to leave, tossing your AUG on the bed. He casually walked out, ignoring a stare from König that could burn cities. 

“Good luck” he whispered to you, passing the door and disappearing into the hallway. 

Now you are alone. With König. This would usually be ideal but now it was scary. You know he would never ever lay a hand on you but maybe it was different this time? You hadn’t done anything but he didn’t know that. All he knew was another man was in your room while he wasn’t. This would make anyone angry. The whole situation was just a huge misunderstanding. 

“I don’t want to have this conversation in the doorway. Can you please come in?” you reached for his arm but he pulled away before you could touch him.

You were dirty to him. Tainted. He was aware you weren’t a virgin before you met him, but when you’re in a relationship, sex is sacred. At least to König. 

He walked in the room first, scanning it for any disturbances or abnormalities. None. There wasn’t anything out of place: sheets tucked tightly under the corners of the bed, clothes hung up in the small closet, everything was in order. 

He took a seat on the same chair Ghost was occupying minutes earlier. It was still warm. You sat on the bed facing across from him. König’s leg was bouncing so fast it made the chair shake and his hands were fidgeting with themselves. 

You slowly got up and kneeled down in front of him, taking his hands in yours. He looked down at your interlocked fingers then to your eyes. You looked sad. He never wanted to make you feel this way but what you did was unforgivable. 

“Believe me König, I would never do anything to hurt you” you had a slight smile on your face, trying to comfort him.

He didn’t smile back. What he needed was the truth. Where the rumors were coming from, why you got weird stares, and how long this has been going on. If you couldn't tell him, or if he thought you were lying, he might just have to end this. He doesn’t want to but how can he be with a liar, a cheater, someone unfaithful. 

“Tell me everything,” he said in a deep voice. Eyes fixated on you, unmoving. 

“There is no everything, König. Just stupid boys trying to start something out of nothing” you explained, “I promise” 

His leg had slowed down to a steady pace, still bouncing, but more controlled. You rubbed your thumb along his knuckles. Soothing. Like a mother’s touch. Except he could never remember his mother touching him like this. Like anything. You were the first one in his life to show any affection. Romantically or platonically. 

“Do you promise?” he squeezed your hands. 

Please don’t lie to me schatz. You’re all I have.

“I promise” 

That’s all König needed to hear. He wrapped his arms around you in a tight hug. It was awkward. He wasn’t used to hugging people. It was suffocating but warm. His large frame surrounding your small body made you feel at home. He was your home. And you were his. 

“Ich liebe dich Engel. Bitte bleib für immer bei mir” he muttered into your neck. 

“Ich liebe dich auch” you replied through broken German.

He had taught you some of his native tongue when you had spare time. Simple phrases like “I love you” “cuddle me” “please” and so on. You wrote down all the things he taught you in a little notebook and often referred back to them when you had the chance. In your opinion, it was a pointless language with long words that made no sense and unnecessary diacritics, but you’d do anything for your king. 

You held each other for a while, slightly rocking back and forth. He breathed in the scent of your hair and you rubbed his back, stopping for a moment then continuing. 

You felt your body begin to lift, feet dangling in the air. You wrapped your legs around König’s waist for support as he carried you to the bed. He slowly lays you down, stepping back for a minute.

“Aren’t you coming?” you patted the space next to you. 

Of course König was coming, he just didn’t want to hurt you. Lying down directly on top you would surely suffocate you and he couldn’t do that to his little Maus. You were so small compared to him, so fragile. He’d seen you kill countless men, but in his eyes you were still his delicate Blume. 

“Yes my dear, I need to know you are comfortable though” he looked down at you.

Your safety and needs always came before his. In the bedroom, on the battlefield, and anywhere else you might be. You were his whole world and he wanted to make sure you knew that. You did. He told you everyday. Constantly showering you with compliments and praises. 

“I am” 

König’s gentle climbing in next to you, careful not to crush you. He lays on his side as you snuggle into him, face in his chest. So warm. You could hear his heartbeat, such a steady and comforting sound. A slight smile forms on his lips as he wraps you in his arms engulfing your torso. You stayed there for what felt like forever, savoring this sweet moment. Who knows how many more of these you would get. Your jobs were dangerous to say the least. Living to see another day was a gift, not a promise. But being with him made it all worth it. He’s the love of your life. You would never want to be with anyone else. Only him.

“You are everything to me, Meine Liebe” he whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. 

His Liebe. Forever and always.

[kiarastromboli]

Teach me 4 (Chris Sturniolo x y/n)

Part. 1 Part.2 Part.3

Mesterlist.

Warning: Bit of angst, Smut content, don’t like it = don’t read it :)

Summary: Two years have passed since Chris and Y/N's breakup. Many things have changed, but apparently not the feelings Y/N has for Chris. But how will her return to Boston for the summer holidays unfold when she knows she hasn't moved on?

Note : I'm sorry for making you wait so long for this fourth part. I just wanted to make sure I did it right. Despite everything, I'm still afraid this part won't please you as much, and I apologize if the result isn't what you expected. I did my best.

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

"Julia, stop, that's enough," I said, bursting into laughter at the excited screams of my best friend on the other end of the line.

"Stop?? It's been almost 2 years since we last saw each other, y/n. How do you expect me to keep calm when I'm going to see you in less than 24 hours?" She said, overexcited, and I could hear her fidgeting in every direction.

Indeed, it had been a while since I left Boston. After my parents sent me to the other side of the country, I started researching universities nearby. At the end of high school, I wasted no time in enrolling and starting my studies.

I had successfully completed my first year at the university, and now it was summer vacation. My parents agreed to let me return to Boston to enjoy my break with them and my friends.

As for my relationship with my parents... Let's say things are different, but the distance imposed on us did me good. I had finally started to live for myself, and many things had changed in my life. As for them, they were content because my results were excellent, and they could see that I had gained autonomy and maturity since my departure.

Anyway, two years had passed, and my life had changed a lot, but I was so happy to finally be back in Boston.

"Yeah, I know," I said, chuckling. "I can't wait to see you and the others," I said, turning around to lie on my back in my bed.

"We'll have to organize a party for your return!" Julia screamed in my ears.

"No, Ju, please, that's enough," I said, moving the phone away from my ear a bit, which she had just shattered again.

"Huh huh, anyway, you don't have a choice. Mom's not here for 3 days, and it's perfect for the party we're going to have when you get back!" She said, emphasizing the word 'party.'

"Juliaaaa!" I said, sighing. "Who are you even planning to invite to this party? It's not like I had a hundred friends back in high school," I said, laughing.

"We don't care, y/n. Who would refuse a party in a big house during summer vacation? I'll invite our group of friends and then check with the old art group from high school." She started to say, "Oh, and why not the football team! And the lacrosse team and the school mascot! Oh my god, I wonder if he still has his costume; that would be hilarious!" She said, laughing.

The Lacrosse team, Chris.

From that moment on, my mind went on pause, and I didn't really pay attention to what Julia was saying.

It had been so long since I had heard about him. After my departure, I hadn't received any news from him. And it was my fault. Every time Julia tried to talk to me about him, I immediately shut down. I thought with time the pain would fade, but it was false. Four months after my departure, my heart still bled as much as the last time he passed by my window. I had done everything to stop thinking about him and turn the page, and I had done it so well that I almost forgot that by returning to Boston, I would also be returning to him.

"Y/n, are you listening?" Julia said, raising her voice, bringing me back to reality.

"Huh? What? Sorry, Julia, I'm exhausted. I think I need to rest for tomorrow; the journey will be long. Can I call you back later?" I said, stuttering a bit, still destabilized by my thoughts.

"Yeah, sure, don't worry. See you tomorrow. Love you, bye," she said warmly.

"Love you, bye," I said with a small smile before hanging up and placing my phone next to me.

Chris.

Is it normal that my heart still bleeds so much for a high school crush? Am I just too sensitive? Is it because he's the only man I've ever let into my heart until now?

Questions kept piling up in my mind, and no matter how much I shook my head, they wouldn't leave me.

Anxiety eventually took over the excitement. What will happen if we see each other again? Will we even meet? Does he still think about me too? Is his heart still bleeding as well? Did he drown in sorrow when our story ended?

More and more questions. I better close my eyes; tomorrow is a big day...

_______

My morning passed extremely quickly. I woke up a bit late, so I was in a hurry. I got ready quickly, gathered my things, and said goodbye to my roommate not to miss my flight.

My parents picked me up at the airport, and I didn't expect warm hugs, but it was still hurtful to barely get a 'how are you?' The whole ride to the house was filled with discussions about my results and how my life was going there.

It had been a while since I saw them, so I just decided to suck it up, smile, and play the perfect little girl I always portrayed in Boston.

"No, I'm just saying that just because your results are satisfactory doesn't mean you don't need extra courses, you know, those things look good on your record," my mother continued to ramble when we finally arrived home.

God, this journey felt longer than my high school years!

"Yeah, I know, Mom. I'll think about it; can we discuss it later? I'm tired," I said before leaving the car.

Once my suitcase was unpacked, I thought I would have a moment of respite to finally collapse into my bed and rest from this exhausting start to the day. But that was without counting on the stormy arrival of my best friend.

"Y/NNNNN!!!" she screamed, rushing towards me to hug me.

With fatigue and confusion, it took me a few seconds to realize it was indeed her standing in front of me, and suddenly, I felt overwhelmed by my emotions. Tears started to well up, blurring my vision.

"Oh my god, Ju'!" I said, stammering and nervously laughing.

"If you start crying, you know I'll cry too, so stop that right now," she warned me, furrowing her brows not to start crying herself.

"Sorry, sorry!" I said, chuckling and wiping my eyes. "I missed you so much!!" I said, shaking my hands before hugging her again.

I spent the rest of my day with her, talking about everything that had changed in my life since my departure, and for the first time in a long time, I felt genuinely good.

I felt like I was recharging, regaining all the positive energy I had been missing.

"Anyway, you know me; I wasn't going to let a jerk like him talk to me like that. So, I preferred to end our relationship, and it's for the best!" Julia told me.

She had just told me about her latest relationship with one of the lacrosse team players from our high school, and as usual, I couldn't help but think of him.

"Are you sure everything's okay, y/n? Since I started talking about Tom, I feel like you're not really here anymore?" she asked, concerned.

"No! Well, yes, it's okay; don't worry. It's just that—" I began to say before cutting myself off with a sigh. "It's nothing; it's just my return here made me rethink everything that happened before I left," I confessed.

"You mean what happened with Chris?" she said, giving me a sympathetic look. "Sorry, I know we're not supposed to talk about him. Excuse me, I forgot—" she added before I interrupted her.

"No, Julia, it's fine; it's okay. I'm better; I assure you it doesn't bother me anymore," I lied, smiling and grabbing her hand. "I'm better, I promise it doesn't bother me anymore," I lied.

"You know I love you," she said, smiling and squeezing my hand.

"Yeah, I know, I love you too," I replied, chuckling.

After this little discussion, Julia stayed overnight at my place. I eventually gave in and agreed to have the party at her house.

Deep down, I had a bit of hope to come across Chris. I know I shouldn't, but it's stronger than me...

I mean, I would like to know what he's become. Has he continued with lacrosse? Did he go to university? Or has he found a job he's passionate about? Does he still smoke? Has he rebuilt his life with other girls after me?

In a way, I wanted to know to reassure myself that he was doing better and that what I did didn't hurt him too much.

But on the other hand, selfishly, I hoped he had waited for me, that he hadn't seen other girls, and that he was still hoping, just like me, that one day we would meet again.

And God, I know how contradictory it is of me to hope for that when that night I made it clear to him that there would be no chance of things working out. But no matter how much I fought against what I wanted, I knew that my heart was still in his hands, and his alone.

I hate myself for being so stupid and not being able to move on, even though it was just a relationship between two completely lost teenagers for a few weeks.

But I had never experienced anything so genuine. Every conversation, every look, every caress, and every kiss haunt me...

They're still there in a corner of my mind, even though I try to push them away and tell myself it's for the best. My soul screams at me to find his. Maybe that was my punishment—for making him believe that our story could last, for making him believe that the girl he truly loved existed when it wasn't the case.

_________

"Are you sure it doesn't bother you that the lacrosse team is here tonight?" Julia asked me for the hundredth time today.

After our little pajama party at my place last night, we went to her place in the afternoon to prepare for the party tonight.

We were finishing getting ready, and people were supposed to arrive any minute.

"Ju', as I've repeated to you throughout the day, it's fine, it doesn't bother me. And besides, if you don't invite the lacrosse team, what excuse will you find to invite your little Tom and make him regret it?" I said mockingly to tease her.

"Ahaha, very funny. You know very well that I would have found a way, one way or another, to make him regret it!" she added, giving me a playful punch on the shoulder, making me chuckle.

"No, more seriously, y/n, if you're not ready to see Chris tonight, I don't mind kicking the lacrosse team out of the party," she added, becoming serious again.

I sighed before responding, "You know, anyway, I can't ignore him for the rest of my life."

"Julia, I know you're worried about me, but it's behind me, I promise it'll be fine," I reassured her with a reassuring smile.

She began to open her mouth to reply, but she was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell at the entrance.

"Well, it looks like the party is about to start!" she said all hysterical, and I followed her downstairs to welcome the first people.

In the span of thirty minutes, the house filled with teenagers ready to have a blast.

There were mostly people from our old high school; we barely knew half of them, but as Julia had told me, no one refuses a party in a big house like hers during the summer vacation.

It quickly turned into chaos; people were absolutely everywhere, and bottles of alcohol were aplenty, but still no sign of Chris on the horizon.

The party was in full swing; it was almost midnight, and in my despair of not seeing Chris show up, I ended up giving in and joining the game like everyone else, downing drinks one after another, which was not really in my usual habits.

Maybe it was better this way; the more alcoholic beverages passed through my throat, the less Chris haunted my mind. After all, maybe that was my solution.

"Oh, shit, sorry!" I said, bumping into a guy with my head down, making him drop his phone.

I bent down to pick it up before him, and when I raised my head, I came face to face with a face I knew all too well.

"Y/n?" the tall brunet said, looking surprised.

It took me a few seconds to realize it was indeed Matt in front of me.

Chris's brother...

"Oh my god, Matt," I said, surprised. "You're the last person I expected to see tonight!" I said, chuckling.

"And I thought you were on the other side of the country!" he said, also chuckling before opening his arms to hug me.

"What are you doing here?" he asked once our embrace was over.

If I had been a little more sober, this situation would probably have worried me, but at the moment, I was just happy to see him. Matt and I had spent very little time together, but just enough for meeting him at this party to make me super happy.

"I came back for the holidays," I replied, smiling.

"Oh, that's great," he said, smiling too. "You could have at least let us know!" he added, laughing.

"Hey, relax, I just arrived yesterday," I said, rolling my eyes.

Our conversation quickly ended, giving way to an awkward silence. So, without really thinking, I asked him the first question that came to my mind, "Did you come alone ?"

"Oh, um..." he began to say before taking a pause, as if he didn't really know if he should continue or not. "No, I came with my brothers," he said, clearing his throat and running his hand over his neck.

Chris is here.

Suddenly, everything clicked in my head; it was obvious how stupid my question was.

My head started spinning; alcohol seemed to take hold of me even more. It was as if realizing he was there for real had suddenly spiked my blood alcohol level.

"Are you okay, y/n?" he said, placing his hand on my shoulder, looking worried as he saw me pale.

"Um, yeah - yeah, don't worry, I'm just - I've had a bit to drink, you know, it's not really my thing!" I said with a nervous laugh, trying to hide my distress at the moment.

"Do you want me to get you a glass of water? Or something else? I'm sorry if it's me who put you in this state by talking about—" he started to say before I cut him off.

"No! - Matt, it's fine, everything's okay, it's not your fault. I'm just, I just need some fresh air, that's all," I added.

"Um, okay, do you want me to come with you?" he asked, and I could feel how uncomfortable he felt for me at that moment, and that was really the last thing I wanted.

"That's really nice, Matt, but it's okay, thank you. I'll be fine," I told him with a smile before walking towards the exit.

As I moved through the crowd, I prayed not to run into Chris. I didn't want to see him. I thought I was ready and that it was what I needed, but the state I am in right now proves otherwise.

Fuck this shit, I'm going to need more alcohol for sure to handle this.

In my rush towards the exit, I grabbed the first bottle of alcohol I saw lying around, whiskey - it couldn't get any harder.

Damn, will I ever manage to move on? Am I destined to feel like this for the rest of my days?

Finally reaching the front door, I felt my eyes fill with tears, making my vision completely blurry.

Once outside on the porch, I placed the bottle on the small coffee table there, sat on the outdoor couch, and allowed a few tears to flow.

I could hear the muffled sound of music inside, and paradoxically, the cicadas and the silence of the night outside.

A few minutes ago, I was fine, happy, enjoying the party with my friends, and it took me going back to thinking about him to ruin everything.

Physically, I wasn't doing that bad; I didn't feel the need to vomit or anything. I just had a bit of a spinning head and trouble standing up.

Mentally, though, it was a different story.

My sobbing was interrupted by a noise coming from a little further in the garden.

I raised my head with a start to scan the surroundings, wiping away my tears. I especially didn't want anyone to see the only girl crying at this party. I was already not considered a cool girl at school, but this would have been the icing on the cake.

There shouldn't be anyone outside; Julia had made it clear that she didn't want anyone in her mom's garden.

I spotted a silhouette in the dark, and eventually, I caught the smell of a joint. So, I sighed before getting up to get closer.

"Get out of here, idiot! Julia doesn't want anyone in her garden. It's not that complicated to follow such a simple rule," I shouted at the stranger, rolling my eyes.

He approached me until he reached the point where the porch light could illuminate him.

I took a step back, completely thrown off when I recognized his face.

"Sorry, I just got here. I didn't know we weren't allowed to hang out in the garden," he replied softly, keeping a reasonable distance from me.

"Chris?" that's all that could come out of my mouth at that moment; I was completely bewildered. What was I supposed to do at that moment?

My tears started to flow again, and I couldn't do anything to stop it.

Chris stood there, not saying anything. He was as lost as I was at that moment, but I could see that seeing me cry was far from a pleasant thing for him.

He seemed hesitant, shook his head, and muttered to himself, rolling his eyes, "Fuck this."

The next moment, he took me into his arms, letting my head rest against his chest. It was as if he understood without me needing to express myself.

I broke down, letting my tears flow; that's what I needed—his arms around me. He held me tight, and I simply didn't want this moment to end. With my right hand, I clung to his t-shirt as if my life depended on it.

"Y/n, shhhh," he whispered, caressing my hair when my breathing became irregular due to my sobs.

I couldn't breathe; I felt suffocated. The more tears that fell, the worse it got, but, on the other hand, it felt good. All these emotions I had buried, all these tears I had prevented from flowing, were finally coming out.

"Y/n, calm down," he said, grabbing my cheeks with his hands and bringing his face to mine to look me in the eyes.

"Hey, look at me, look at me, breathe, everything's fine," he reassured me, stroking my cheek with his thumb.

"I-I'm so—" I tried to speak, but I couldn't stop crying.

"I'm so sorry, Chris," I said with a broken and fragile voice, shaking my head.

"Y/n, it's okay, stop," he said, pinching his lips, and I could see tears welling up in his eyes, despite his efforts to suppress them.

"What I did—" I started, trying to calm down, "what I did to you—I had no right to do that. I'm sorry, Chris," I said, letting my head fall once again against his chest and starting to cry even harder.

"Y/n," he said, seizing my face again to look at me, "Y/n, I’m not mad at you. Look at me, I'm fine, everything's fine; it's behind us."

"It's not behind me, Chris," I told him, shaking my head and stepping back.

"It's not behind me at all. It continues to eat me up inside every day! I tried for two years!" I told him with a forced laugh, wiping my tears. "Two years, Chris, two years trying everything to get you out of my head and to stop hoping that things would go back to normal!" I added.

"Y/n—" he said, passing his hand over his face before I cut him off.

"How can you not resent me after what I did to you!?" I said, completely lost.

"Because that's life, y/n!" he said, raising his voice and advancing towards me.

"Because people come in and out of your life, tearing your heart out against their will!" he added, and I just closed my mouth; I didn't expect him to express himself like this.

"Y/n, I could have chosen to hate you, yes, it's true! I could have chosen to keep acting like an idiot and keep destroying myself slowly, as I did in the first months after you left!" he continued to say, carried away by his emotions.

"But what would it have served? What would it have served to keep making the same mistakes all my life?" he asked, and I simply nodded, dumbfounded.

"Y/n, I tried to hate you to make the pill go down more easily, believe me. But how could I hate a girl like you?" he asked, tears in his eyes.

"How could I hate the only woman who managed to open my heart and show me that there's always hope?" he continued, this time advancing towards me, and my heart started racing in my chest.

"I got my act together because you deserved someone better. You deserved to know that I was doing well, and I knew! Believe me, I knew how much you blamed yourself," he said, wiping my tears.

"That night when you told me straight in the eyes that you no longer loved me and that you no longer believed in us, I knew you were lying to protect me," he said, and I felt tears flowing again.

"You lied to me to protect me without even thinking about yourself. You put me before you, where no one had done it before," he continued, tapping his chest.

"Chris—" I said with a weak voice.

"No, I don't blame you, y/n. I don't blame you because I know you simply didn't have the choice to do that," he said, wiping my tears.

"And these last two years, I lived in doubt because I wasn't sure 100%, but when I saw your gaze on this porch, all my doubts flew away, and now I know," he said, plunging his eyes into mine.

I looked into his eyes; I had managed to regain normal breathing, and everything he had just told me had calmed my heart.

The open wound in my chest, bleeding and letting all my distress pour out, was closing.

I didn't know what to add; I didn't know what to say to him. It felt like a million things were happening in my mind, but what could it possibly mean?

And then my thoughts escaped my mind, fixating on his blue eyes, his pure eyes, his sincere gaze fixed on me.

I had forgotten how beautiful this man was.

I became aware of his warm hands on my cheeks; my heartbeat quickened, and I thought I saw a glint of desire growing in his eyes.

The silence became heavy, yet neither of us wanted to say anything.

Our faces slowly approached, and my eyes juggled between his and his lips.

What was happening? Was it supposed to be good? Or bad?

I wanted to throw myself at him, yes, but was it correct? Was it the alcohol? Did I misinterpret what was happening?

"Chris—" I said in a soft, almost inaudible voice before he closed the gap between our lips.

Shivers ran through my entire body; it was soft and so good.

His soft lips moved perfectly against mine.

One of his hands resting on my cheek slid down to the small of my back.

Meanwhile, my two hands found their place on his chest, and our kiss deepened.

This kiss, originally meant to say ‘welcome home’, quickly became more profound.

Our tongues collided; things escalated. The hand that rested on my waist descended to grip my hip, while one of my hands left his chest to settle on the side of his neck.

I felt something reignite in me, something I hadn't felt in a very long time: desire.

I became aware of what was happening, and I snapped out of this trance by stepping back and opening my eyes.

I caught my breath before telling him, "Chris."

"I'm sorry," he said, catching his breath too.

"We can't do this; we can't revisit this. I'm back in Boston only for the holidays," I said, shaking my head, trying to think of something else.

"Sorry, I don't know what came over me; I shouldn't have." he said, running his hand through his hair.

"It's okay," I said, stepping towards him and placing my hand on his shoulder.

"I just found you again when I didn't think I'd have this chance; I want to do things right," I confessed.

"So, does that mean we're friends now?" he asked, and his question tore at my heart because, of course, I didn't want to be just friends. But things were too complicated for us to allow anything more.

"Yes, it means we're friends," I said, smiling slightly, and he returned a smile.

"I missed you," he said, hugging me.

"Missed you too," I replied, "feels like it's been ages since we last caught up," I added, chuckling.

"You must have hundreds of things to tell me then," he said, separating and smiling.

"I don't want to spoil your evening with my stories; it can wait," I told him, running my hand through my nape.

"Y/n, I went out to smoke a joint alone because this party is really lame," he said, rolling his eyes, "so believe me, I'd rather sit here with you and listen to everything you have to tell me."

"Hey, it's my comeback night, you're not allowed to say it's lame!" I told him, offended, giving him a shoulder punch.

"Okay, okay, sorry!" he said, laughing, before sitting on the couch, and I followed suit.

He took a joint out of his pocket, and before lighting it, he turned to me. "Hmm, want some?"

"Oh no, thanks, I'll stick to this tonight," I said, grabbing the bottle I'd left on the small table.

"Whiskey?" he said, surprised, "who are you?" he joked.

"Shut up, idiot, I grabbed the first bottle I came across on my way here," I said, rolling my eyes.

The conversation flowed naturally between us; it was almost as if we had never been apart. Of course, in two years, both he and I had changed a lot, so it was a bit strange. However, that connection, that complicity we had, seemed intact.

I'm not sure how long we stayed on that porch, talking, but the bottle I had drunk was already half empty, and Chris must have been on his third joint since the beginning of our conversation.

"I can't believe you told him that!" Chris said, laughing.

"I warned you; I'm not the helpless little girl I used to be," I replied, chuckling and shrugging.

"Yeah, I saw that," he said, gradually stopping his laughter.

The silence returned, and I was lost in my thoughts, already quite tipsy and in a curious mood.

I had been hesitating for several minutes, debating whether to ask him a question. The more I drank, the more I wanted to ask, even though I knew it wasn't the best idea.

"Chris?" I finally said softly, breaking the silence.

"Hmm?" he simply replied, turning his head towards me.

"Can I ask you a question?" I asked him timidly.

"You just did," he said with a smirk.

"No, seriously, stop it!" I said, laughing and giving him a shoulder punch.

He straightened up, turning completely towards me, resting his head on his hand with his arm leaning against the top of the couch. "Seriously, I'm listening," he said, still with that sly smile.

His eyes were red and squinted because of the weed, and I won't lie, it made him quite sexy... or maybe I had had a bit too much to drink; what was I even saying?

"Have you dated other girls since we broke up?" I asked, instantly regretting it.

"Y/n—" he began before I cut him off.

"Sorry, that was a dumb question. I don't know what got into me," I said, hiding my face with my hands.

He chuckled at my action. "It's okay; I don't mind answering if you answer too..." he said, shrugging.

I removed my face from my hands to look up at him.

"But are you sure you really want to hear my answer?" he added.

I just nodded.

"I've slept with other girls, yes," he began, and I cut him off without thinking.

"How many?" I asked, sitting up.

"I don't really know, two or three, but they were just casual things, especially at the beginning when I needed to distract myself," he explained, feeling the need to justify himself.

"Okay... and why?" I asked.

"Why what?" he asked, confused.

"Why casual? In two years, you had plenty of time to find another amazing girl to be with. You can't make me believe that as the first one to fall for you, no other girl wanted you," I said, rolling my eyes.

"I didn't want to..." he confessed to me. "I— " he started before sighing, "I'm not sure if it's a good idea to explain why," he said, looking away.

"No, tell me; I want to know now," I urged him.

"Y/n," he said, looking me in the eyes.

"Chris, please, it's okay; we're just talking," I said, eager to know more.

"None of those girls were comparable to you," he admitted, "and I know it sounds silly, but it's just the truth. I couldn't get interested in those girls, and it wasn't their fault; they were interesting, and in another context, it might have worked with them," he said honestly.

"But my mind kept comparing them to you; none of them talked like you," he started saying, "none of them laughed like you," he added.

"None of them kissed like you," he said, looking at my lips, and I felt my panties dampen at that. Fuck.

"Every time I slept with another girl, I couldn't help but think of you, your body, and your moans," he said, lost in his thoughts.

"I couldn't stop thinking about how your lips wrapped so perfectly around me," he said, and I had to slightly open my mouth to get more air.

He shook his head, snapping back to reality. "Anyway, until now, I haven't been able to settle down with another girl because the only one I have in my mind is you," he said shyly.

I stared at him, mouth agape. I was dying to have him; everything he just told me had me way too excited.

"And you?" he asked, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"What?" I said, clearing my throat.

"And you, have you dated other guys?" he said, chuckling.

"Oh!" I said, blushing. "No, none," I replied timidly.

"None?" he repeated, surprised, and I simply shook my head from side to side.

"And how many guys have you slept with then?" he asked.

I took a moment to answer, embarrassed by the situation.

"Y/n, it's okay; you can tell me. I just told you mine!" he said, rolling his eyes.

"I-" I said before sighing and biting my lip, and he furrowed his brows.

"None..." I said softly.

His eyes widened at my response.

"Are you serious?" he asked to make sure.

"Stop it; you know very well that I'm not the type to sleep around," I said, feeling awkward.

"No, I know that; it's just hard for me to conceive that you've managed two years without sex," he said with a smirk.

"Wait, what does that mean?" I said, furrowing my brows.

"Y/n, when we were together, you played the innocent a lot, but you can't deny that you were just as horny as I was, if it’s not more…" he said, laughing.

"Chris!" I said, bringing my hand to my mouth before chuckling as well.

"No, I'm not saying it's a bad thing; on the contrary, it was something I loved about you," he said honestly.

"I even found it rather sexy..." he added, shrugging.

I squeezed my thighs together at that moment, and Chris noticed because I saw his eyes leave mine and land on my thighs.

"We should change the subject," I said, taking a deep breath and running my hands over my thighs, a bit embarrassed.

"Sorry, I didn't know it would have that effect on you," he said, unable to help but smile.

"It's okay," I said, biting my lip.

We looked at each other for a moment, both feeling a bit awkward.

His eyes briefly shifted to my chest, and that was the last straw for me.

Without thinking twice, I straddled him, immediately connecting our lips. He didn't waste a second to put his hands on my hips, making me moan.

He took the opportunity to slide his tongue into my mouth, and I started rocking my hips against him, making him groan in response.

His hands came to grip my hips to stop my movements, eliciting a frustrated groan from me.

"Y/n, this isn't right," he said, separating our lips.

"Chris, I don't care," I said, reconnecting our lips instantly. I was too hungry to stop there.

My hip movements resumed, and I could feel his erection through his jeans.

My hands were on his cheeks, and his hands firmly held my hips.

"You said we should do things right and that we were friends," he said, separating our lips again.

"Y/n, you've been drinking, and I don't want it to be something you regret tomorrow," he added.

"Some friends sleep together sometimes..." I said innocently, playing with his necklace.

He bit his lip and looked away. If there was one thing that could make this man weak, it was my way of acting innocently with him.

"Y/n," he said, closing his eyes and letting out a frustrated groan.

I knew I could make him crack; I just had to tease him enough.

I buried my head in his neck to kiss and leave a few love bites.

He tossed his head back to give me better access. "Fuck..." he whispered, and I slowly resumed my hip movements.

"Y/n, stop this," he said weakly, still with his fingers dug into my hips.

"Make me stop," I whispered in his ear before leaving a trail of kisses on his jawline.

"Y/n," he said in a firm voice this time, grabbing me by the neck to make me face him. "Don't play with my nerves like that."

"Chris, please," I said, gripping the wrist of the hand around my neck.

"I'm the one asking you. It's just a favor we're doing each other as friends," I said with a slight moan. "You help me fill the void I've felt for 2 years, and I give you the opportunity not to have to just imagine fucking me for once," I added.

"You said it yourself, no girl moans like me, no one kisses you like me, and their lips don't wrap around you as well as mine do," I continued to convince him.

"It's just a one-time thing. After that, I swear we'll be just friends for real, please, Chris, I need you," I pleaded.

I don't know if it was the alcohol or simply the lack of sex, but I never thought I'd be capable of saying such things to a guy in my life.

"Just a one-time thing?" he asked.

"Just a one-time thing," I replied, nodding.

"Fuck, this is so fucking wrong, y/n. What are you doing to me?" he said before kissing me again without removing his hand from my neck.

He slid his hand under my dress to grab my ass and massage it while helping me grind against him.

"Mmph, Chris," I moaned into our kiss.

"Shhhh," he said, slapping my ass.

I started pulling at his T-shirt to signal that I wanted him to take it off.

"Not here, princess," he said, smiling against my lips before separating them. "Stand up," he ordered, and I obeyed.

He stood up as well, firmly grabbing my hand before guiding us inside.

We quickly made our way through the crowd, passing by Nick, who tried to stop us, but Chris simply ignored him, too busy at that moment trying not to bend me over one of the tables in the house to fuck me in front of everyone.

We climbed the stairs, and Chris opened the first door he saw, which happened to lead to Julia's room. If she finds out about this, she's going to kill me.

He slammed the door shut behind us, making sure to lock it.

Then, he pressed me against that door, tightening his grip around my neck just enough to restrict the blood flow, causing my head to spin.

He wasted no time in forcefully removing my dress, it was so abrupt that he could have torn it if he wanted.

"Chris, be careful, take it easy," I said, chuckling, before he silenced me with yet another kiss.

"Don't ask me to fucking take it easy when you've spent the last 10 minutes teasing me on that damn couch, y/n," he said, removing his T-shirt.

He took off my bra, adding, "I fucking missed you."

The next moment, he slid his hands to the back of my thighs and lifted me, making me moan in surprise. It seemed like the hold he had on me back then hadn't changed.

He reconnected our lips, heading towards the bed where he tossed me, making me moan again from the sudden force.

"Chris," I sighed in a heated breath as I sat up, facing him at waist height.

But before I could reach for his belt to undress him, he violently pushed me back. "You'll move when I tell you to move. Have you forgotten your manners?" he said, a smirk playing on his lips.

His gaze was dark and intense; he could have threatened to kill me, and I would have moaned because of how much he affected me.

"Touch yourself," he ordered.

"What?" I said, feeling my face turn all red.

"Don't make me repeat myself; you heard me," he said authoritatively.

I swallowed hard before starting to take off my panties.

"I didn't tell you to remove your panties," he said, interrupting me.

"But—" I began to say before he cut me off.

"Is it so hard to be a good girl, Y/n? In two years, have you forgotten everything?" he said, shaking his head.

His words made me even wetter; I dreamed of one thing only: feeling him inside me.

"No, sorry," I said before starting to make circular motions on my clit through my panties.

He licked his lips, slowly removing his belt without taking his eyes off me.

"Stand up," he ordered.

Without hesitation, I stood up, still looking at him innocently in the eyes.

"You are so fucking beautiful, Y/n," he said, holding me by the chin.

His compliment made me immediately smile and blush.

"Your wrists," he asked, letting go of my chin, and I handed him my wrists.

With his belt, he tied my wrists together before kissing me.

He leaned towards me without breaking our lips to signal me to lie down on the mattress, which I did.

He separated our lips for a brief moment to press my arms above my head. "Don't move," he whispered before sliding his lips into my neck.

"My poor baby, I can't believe you've abstained for 2 years," he said before descending his kisses towards my chest.

"Now that I'm here, I'll take care of that for you, my princess," he said, circling one of my nipples with his lips to kiss it.

"Chris, please," I moaned, wriggling a bit.

"Shhhh, be patient, believe me, I won't stop there," he said before starting to descend his kisses towards my lower abdomen.

The closer he got to my thighs, the more I felt like I was losing my mind. It had been so long since I had felt that burning desire between my legs.

"Fuck, Chris, stop, please, I need you," I pathetically begged when he started to kiss my pussy through my panties.

He just chuckled at my pleas before removing my panties and diving his head between my legs.

He surrounded my clit with his lips, and I couldn't hold back the moans that escaped my mouth at that moment.

Lost in my own pleasure and especially completely carried away by the sensation of his tongue against me, I brought my two hands, still tied, to his hair to hold on.

He lifted his lips from me, making me raise my head towards him. "No, don't stop, Chris!" I said desperately.

"I told you not to move, Y/n," he reminded me, placing my hands back above my head.

"I'm sorry, I had—" I was interrupted in the middle of my sentence by his hands abruptly grabbing my waist to turn me over.

"What are you doing?" I said in a surprised moan when he grabbed my hips to put my ass in the air.

"This way, you'll have a much harder time moving," he said, and I could hear the smugness in his tone.

He kissed the base of my lower back, making me shiver, ensuring that my head remained pressed against the mattress below me.

He then placed a few kisses on my ass before resuming his work between my legs.

One of his hands kneaded my ass while he teased my entrance with the fingers of his other hand.

"Oh my—Chris," I said when he accelerated his tongue movements.

The sensation in my lower abdomen that I hadn't felt in so long was building up again; I was extremely close.

"C-Chris, I'm gonna cum," I moaned, burying my head in the pillow to try to muffle the sound of my moans.

"Give it to me, baby," he said, inserting two of his fingers into me and reconnecting his tongue to my clit.

"Fuck, Chris!" I exclaimed, feeling my legs tremble, and within seconds, my orgasm overwhelmed me.

Chris didn't detach his lips from me; he continued, and his fingers didn't slow down either. "Chris, I- I can't," I told him, breathless.

He detached himself from me at the sound of my words and turned me over again onto the mattress to kiss me.

I put my hands, still tied behind his neck, to bring him impossibly closer to me, which seemed to amuse him, judging by the way he smiled against my lips.

"You taste so fucking good, baby," he complimented me between our kisses, and I wrapped my legs around his waist.

I was still very sensitive, but I wanted more, I needed more.

So, I tightened my legs around his waist so that his erection pressed against my pussy.

"Are you that impatient?" he chuckled before reaching between our bodies to unbutton his pants, and I just nodded.

He straightened up to completely remove his pants and boxers before returning to position himself between my legs.

"If it hadn't been so long, I would've edged you for hours," he said, rubbing his tip against my thighs without entering.

"Chris, please, stop talking—" Before I could finish my sentence, he entered me without warning, making me moan in harmony with him.

"Oh my god, y/n, fuck, you're so—" I didn't let him finish his sentence, immediately capturing his lips in a passionate kiss.

He started moving inside me slowly, taking care to go all the way in with each thrust.

Our lips were still connected, our tongues perfectly synchronized—everything was perfect with him.

His pelvic movements accelerated, prompting me to throw my head back to moan once again.

"God, I'll never get tired of the sounds you make. Fuck, it's too good," Chris said, moaning as well, his head completely immersed in my neck, where he left fiery kisses.

"Chris—mmph," I started to speak but couldn't formulate my words correctly. Chris fucked me so well that I lost my words.

"What, baby? What do you want?" he said, seizing my chin to make me look into his eyes.

"I want to—fuck!" I said, moaning and closing my eyes. I felt him everywhere in me; it was too good.

"You can do it, sweetheart. Take your time," he said with a smirk, not slowing down.

"I want to touch you," I said, moaning again. "Please, Chris, I need to feel you," I begged.

He momentarily straightened up without pulling out to unfasten the belt around my wrists.

"Here you go, baby," he said in a soft voice before kissing me again.

This time, my hands went into his hair, neck, and back. I dug my nails into his back and biceps, completely controlled by my pleasure, and began to feel all these sensations invade me.

"Chris, oh my god, I'm so close!" I whined.

He sat up on his knees without pulling out. I moaned as he grabbed my legs and pulled them closer, penetrating even deeper.

"Mmmh, Chris," I moaned, raising my head to look at him.

"Shhhh," he said, placing my legs on either side of his head and encircling my knees with his arms to make sure I couldn't move.

He began thrusting into me at an unbearable speed, and the new angle allowed him to go really deep. His eyes were fixed on the lower part of my belly, where he could see himself entering and exiting. "Fuck," he exclaimed, keeping his mouth open.

"Chris! Chris, fu—god, don't stop!" I said, feeling my orgasm hit me hard when I started clenching around him. He spread my legs again to kiss me while still penetrating me, allowing me to ride out my orgasm.

He gradually stopped his pelvic movements while continuing to kiss me. Our kiss was tired and messy, but he didn't stop there.

We were both catching our breath. He separated our lips, pressing his forehead against mine. We stayed like that for a few seconds before he straightened up and withdrew from me, making me moan because I was still extremely sensitive.

I expected anything but what he did the next second. He grabbed me by the hips and turned me over again, pushing me on all fours.

"Chris, what—" Before I could finish my sentence, he started pounding into me without mercy, making me cry out in surprise and pleasure.

"Oh my fuck, Chris, I can't!" I told him, burying my head in the pillow once again.

"Yes, of course, you can. I know you have one more for me," he said without slowing down this time, bringing his fingers to my clit, making my eyes roll back in my head.

It felt so good, but I was still too sensitive; he didn't give me enough respite. I felt like my heart was going to give out from the intensity. I couldn't help but moan, even though I was unsure if I really wanted him to stop because I could already feel my third orgasm approaching.

"Do you really want me to stop?" he said in my ear, slowing down and pressing his chest against my back.

When he slowed down, I felt my orgasm slipping away, and I thought I was losing my mind. "No! Don’t stop, I can take it!" I said, shaking my head.

He wrapped his arm around my throat to hold me in place "that's my girl," he said and sank his teeth into my shoulder, mixing pleasure and pain in the best way possible. He sped up again, his fingers massaging my clit, and his shaft going as deep as possible, making me see stars.

I was close, and so was he; I could feel it in the way he moaned. "Y/n, oh my—"

"Chris, I'm so close," I cried, feeling my orgasm on the verge of exploding.

"Give it to me, baby. Fuck, cum for me, princess," he said, and that was all I needed to climax. This one was more intense than the others, stronger and more hypnotic.

After a few more thrusts, Chris also came, moaning my name in my ear. "Oh my god," he said, breathless, before pulling out and collapsing beside me.

I didn't move a muscle, too exhausted from everything that had just happened. "Are you okay, baby?" he asked, concerned, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Yes, I'm fine. I just need to catch my breath," I replied, chuckling.

He laughed too before getting up to find something to clean me up. After a few minutes catching my breath in Chris's arms, we decided to get dressed and join our friends downstairs before someone noticed our absence.

And when I say someone, I obviously mean Julia, who will probably kill me when she finds out I slept with Chris in her bed.

Before leaving Julia's room, Chris kissed me one last time. "I missed you so fucking much," he said.

I chuckled before replying, "I missed you too, but we need to leave this room now." I said playfully, giving him a playful punch on the shoulder.

We finally left the room, and our paths separated when we arrived in the living room because Nick needed to talk to Chris privately.

I was about to join my best friend when I felt someone grab my arm.

I turned to see who it was and found myself face to face with a girl with brown hair and light eyes.

"Who the fuck are you?" she asked me, full of rage.

I was completely confused because I didn't know this girl at all, and I didn't understand why she was addressing me this way.

"Hmm? Y/n, who are you?" I asked, furrowing my brows.

Her eyes widened when she heard my name, and she let out a fake laugh at my response.

"I'm Tess, Chris's girlfriend!" she said with a big smile before approaching me. "So I suggest you keep your distance from him if you don't want me to bash your little depraved slut face!" she said, pushing me before turning on her heel and walking away.

Chris's girlfriend?!!

What the fuck?

Taglist: @chrisloyalgf @christopherscamopants @blahbel668 @thematthewlover @mattsturnioloarchive @carolinalikesthings @bernardsgf @whicked-hazlatwhore @hearts4chris

[jemandderkeinenusernamenfindet]

Shattered under your skin I Azriel X Reader

Part one of more(?)

Summary: Your mate keeps making mistakes.

Azriel had thought you to come home late this night. You were supposed to meet up with a friend after work - and you two catching up usually took ages. What he didn't know, was that your friend had gotten an emergency call from her neighboor and had to leave barely an hour into the hang out. You had enjoyed the rest of your dinner alone, happy to have brought a book with you. The walk home had been relaxing and cleared the pleasant haze of wine from your head.

Even if it hadn't, you sure would have sobered up by what you found upon returning home. First you had thought that Azriel had invited someone of the inner circle over. Unusual, as he liked to keep his home free of his rather loud family, but not unheard of. Then the scent of baked goods and your mates frustration registered in your nose and you frowned.

Stepping toward your living room, you identified Elains sobbing. She sounded earnestly upset. You and Elain had gotten along well so far, appreciating each other as support, cooking and baking together. You were just about to enter and try to comfort your friend when Azriel spoke and shattered your heart.

"It was a mistake, Elain. We can't do this to y/n. You're her friend for mothers sake!"

"Why did you kiss me then? Why did you tell me you loved me - And don't tell me it was the alcohol! I've seen you drink more than that!"

"I'm sorry ok? I was-" Azriel interrupted himself and sighed aggravated. "You should leave. Forget what happened, because it won't happen again."

"You can't just pretent nothing happend! If- If we talk to y/n-"

"She can never know what happend, you hear me Elain?" by the sound of it, your mate had stood up from a chair so quick it had toppled over. "Swear to me, you won't tell her!"

"Why? We have feeling for each other Azriel. You can't deny it for the rest of your life. It wouldn't be fair to her not to tell her." Elain sounded wounded, but there was a persuasive edge to her voice.

"She is my mate. I can't throw that away." Azriels quiet voice twisted the knife in your heart.

"If she is your mate, she will understand. She will want you, us, to be happy."

You finally muster up the courage to fully step into the living room. Elain stood close to Azriel, a hand on his cheek, thumb soothing away his tears. He was facing you, although his eyes were clenched shut as if he were trying to protect himself from temptation. A hopeless endeavor as Elain pressed a soft kiss to the corner of his lips. He whimpered. He actually whimpered and the conflicted emotion radiating from the bond made you sick. There was infinite guilt, but it was quickly overpowered by a rush of affection and then arousal as Elain placed a more passionate kiss to his lips.

You finally snapped out of your disbelieve. Betrayal slamming into you, you heard Azriel gasp. One of his hands flew to his chest as his eyes tore open in response to your hurt emanating from the bond. His gaze found you immediatly and he stepped back from Elain as if burned.

Turning on your heel, you made your escape. All you had to do was get out of the house and then a few steps to be able to winnow away. But before you can even reach the frontdoor, he darts in front of you, frantically grabbing your shoulders and searching your gaze.

"Wait! Wait, let me explain. Elain was just leaving- We- I-"

"Go back to the woman you love." Azriel blinked at the tone of your voice. Dull and void of the emotions he could feel echoing in his heart. He felt you like splintering glass under his skin. And he did that to you, the one person he was supposed to never hurt. To keep save. He was supposed to kill the people that made you feel like this. And yet he couldn't let you go. He had always been selfish. Trying to reign in his desperation he swallowed harshly.

"I don't love her, I love you! It was a mistake, I promise you y/n. It won't happen again I swear!" As he said it and you wished it to be true, you felt the skin of your wrist split and re-stich. Crying out in surprise and pain you stumble back, staring at the mark of a bargain struck. Finally your tears spilled over. You had been mentally resigned to forever feel your mates affection for another, had been in the precess of walking out of his life. And now? Now he had accidentally sworn himself to stay away from Elain in the futile hope of making you stay.

He seemed to have realized the same, sinking to his knees wide eyed. "No no, no no no no no- I didn't mean-" He's looking back and forth between you and Elain, pleading with both of you. Your friend had started sobbing again, trying to touch your arm and apologizing. You head swam. The tips of your fingers tingled and you were distantly aware of hyperventilating. Finally pulling out of your stupor you push past Azriel, ignoring him begging for you to "stay" and "not leave him alone". The chilly night air barely encompassed you before you winnowed away.

You aren't sure where you landed, black spots dancing in your vision as the blood doesn't flow to your brain properly. You stuble forward, crashing into a tree and feebly sliding down. Dry leaves crunch under your knees as they hit the ground.

[ushiwhacka]

time skip! ushijima wakatoshi + fem! reader | mdni | 1,446 words | established relationship, semi-public sex, oral (m! receiving), rough sex, size kink, body worship, aftercare, wakatoshi fucks your face because he loves you, ok <3

a/n: i'm so sorry if you've seen this before! i accidentally deleted my original post so yeah oops.

it’s the way wakatoshi introduces you to his teammates and coaches. his hand resting gently on the small of your back, protecting, reassuring. the silk of your dress crumples around his fingers as they dig into your flesh. a reminder that he’s thinking of you, even as he’s spent the last ten minutes discussing serve techniques and tactics. it’s the way he pulls out your chair and lends you his palm in support as you stand up. it’s the way his eyes become softer when he looks at you. little tender moments enough to start a spark deep in your belly.

at first, it’s just a gentle warmth, the intertwining of fingers, a tug of the sleeve as you pull him closer and lean into him. but he looks so handsome in his suit. and he smells so good as he dips his head down, his nose brushing your hair as he tells you how beautiful you are, how incredible that dress looks on you. 

warmth grows into searing heat and touches turn needy. nimble fingers squeezing around the thickness of his arm, tracing the ridges of hard muscle. then moving down to his thigh, playful and light, running along the inside seam of his pants, moving up up up, until his hand wraps around your wrist - an unspoken that’s enough.

need grows into impatience, lips brushing his ear as you whisper saccharine words, syrupy sweet and sticky. but toshi has an irritating amount of self-control and your attempts at seduction are met with gentle pats on the head that feel condescending.

but everything has its limit. 

“i want to rub my pussy all over you.” he swallows hard, his adam's apple bobbing in his throat, and his jaw clenches as he turns to look at you. “i’m already so wet. wanna feel?” you hold his hand in your lap as you look at him through long, dark lashes. yes, even his self-control has a limit, and he’s toeing the line. and he knows it’s been crossed when he feels the constraining tightness of his slacks.

minutes later you’re dragging him through empty corridors, checking every door until finally, one opens to reveal a tiny closet. it’s dimly lit and filled with mops and brooms, but it will do. you pull him inside the room by the tie, then keep tugging it down until your lips meet his in a rushed kiss. 

“we should go home.” he doesn’t pull away.

“but we can’t,” your hand curls around the bulge of his chubbed cock, “you’re so hard.” oh, he knows. “you should let me take care of you.” people will notice your absence, his teammates will have an invasion of questions. but all his doubts falter and shatter in the grasp of your soft hands.

so wakatoshi lets you push against his broad chest, inhaling sharply as the backs of his thighs meet a worn-out wooden cabinet. his lips never leave yours. his hands on your neck as he tilts your face towards his. but then you’re moving down again, trailing sloppy kisses down the column of his neck, leaving the collar of his white shirt stained with lipstick and sticky gloss. 

he leans against the cabinet, long legs bent at the knees and then there’s you kneeling between them. biting your swollen lips as you make quick work of his belt and zipper before pulling his pants and underwear down as far as they will go. 

you wrap both of your hands around the base of his cock. it’s so imposing, intimidating even. and you’re never quite sure how you manage to fit it… anywhere, really. so heavy it hangs in your hold. 

but it’s also really cute when it gets all flushed and weepy. “hi baby!” the blush spreads from the apples of his cheeks to the tips of his ears. he can’t understand why you always have to talk to it like that. “aww so leaky,” you coo, “i think you want attention, hmm?”

you kiss along his length, leaving more faint lipstick marks behind. his teeth grind against each other at the feeling. he needs more. and you know it, but you love to tease, love to see him squirm in your grasp. you nuzzle your cheek against the velvety skin, looking at him all doe-eyed. “it’s so soft,” your voice a tender mewl. 

he has to look away from you for his own sanity. but it’s really to no avail because this - the delicate material of your dress draping over concrete, innocent words a contrast to the lewd way you’re toying with him - is an image now burned into his brain. and then there’s the creeping realisation that he likes this. he wants it. 

“just use your mouth,” his voice is strained and hoarse, words clawing their way up his throat, “please.” 

no. you bury your face in his balls instead. tongue flat, lapping and sucking on the sensitive skin before tracing the thick vein on the underside of his cock. then running the weeping tip over your lips that turn glossy with his precum. and finally, finally, you wrap your lips around it, whimper a little as you suckle on it.  

your mouth is so warm, so wet. and his breaths catch between his ribs as you slobber on the fleshy head, his hands gently holding your face. cheeks hollowing out, your spit mixed with the taste of him dripping down the side of your chin. 

toshi’s knuckles turn white as he grips the wooden edge of the cupboard. and whiter still as you move down the length of his shaft. your lips stretching around it. and you look at him, eyes blown with lust and welling with tears as he hits the back of your throat. he thinks he might just cum at the sight of you, so pretty on your knees, so pretty with your mouth full of his cock. barely even halfway in and already struggling as you try to swallow around the girth of it. 

he doesn’t mean to but his hands find their way to your head. fingers tangled in your hair and gripping at the roots. he can’t help how his hips buck all on their own. you feel so good, so divine and he can’t hold back the groans that rumble in his throat when you look at him like that, when the only sound he can hear is you gagging on his size, when he sees your spit dribbling down the valley of your breasts. you feel so good that he doesn’t even realise he’s fucking your throat raw. your nails digging into the meat of his thighs, sure to leave angry, crescent marks. but he’s never felt a pleasure so intense, so consuming that it clouds his mind and makes him relinquish all control over his body. it’s instinctive and primal, this need to feel more of you. to surrender to you.

his thrusts turn faster, erratic. and he’s growling out a string of warnings. “i’m- i’m close. i’m close.” but his hands never leave their place on your head and he buries himself inside your throat completely as he finds release. his cum thick and warm, too much to swallow as you sputter around him. 

beads of it pool at the corners of your lips. and you’re still catching your breath as you drag your thumb across your mouth and then between your teeth to collect those last few drops. 

his head is thrown back, chest heaving and brain fuzzy. swiping a hand through his hair, damp with sweat and sticking to his skin. his state a testament to the power you hold over him. then he’s reaching out for you, every praise that he can think of bubbling in his chest. 

but all that comes out is an almost stern “come here.”

wakatoshi helps you to your feet and holds you close to his chest as gentle fingers wipe away the mascara staining your cheeks.  then he drapes his suit jacket over your shoulders, smoothes the lapels over your chest, envelops you in the scent of his woody perfume. and a few stolen moments in a mouldy broom closet feel something like worship in his arms. 

one hand holding yours while the other rests on the doorknob. “should we go home so you can rub your pussy all over me?” it sounds very different covered in the deep rasp of his voice. and you feel the burn of embarrassment in your ears and the need to hide your face in the creases of his shirt.

“wakatoshi,” you squeal, “you can’t just say that to me!” a deep breath. “but yes.”

for my 🔭 anon <3 it's even later but it's here (again)!

thank you for reading! interaction is very much appreciated! ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

[nuncscioquidsitamor-13]

not really an expert in love

⋆˙⟡♡ (summary): honestly don't remember what this was about

⋆˙⟡♡ (warnings): Uhh kissing i think

⋆˙⟡♡ (notes): a fic i wrote on my old acc @/amorvincitomnia-14. That account got deleted and i thought i lost these fics but yipeee i found them on google docs :D

You are an idiot. Completely and entirely so. It's been about two weeks since the kiss and you have been avoiding Leo since. For a child of Aphrodite, you really are dense. 

It's not like you can avoid him fully; being on Argo II means there's not many places to hide. And plus you're supposed to be best friends with Leo, nobody else knows why you are suddenly running away whenever he appears. It's a shitty thing to do, you know that. But what else can you do? Are you ready for love? Was that kiss a mistake? 

So of course Annabeth tells you Leo needs help in the engine room, in a sort of way you can't say no. So here you are, standing awkwardly while you hand Leo various tools. You feel sick to your stomach, absolutely filled with nerves. How can you possibly begin to explain why you ran out on Leo?

After moments of silence, Leo speaks, “I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable with the kiss. I must have misread some signals or something” 

And your heart practically shatters. Of course he blames himself. How can you be so stupid as to hurt him? But your mouth is dry and there are no words coming out. You weren't uncomfortable with the kiss, just say that! 

“No, it's fine.” You manage to say, internally slapping yourself. A child of Aphrodite and major flirt. Yet here you are, awkward as can be. Why can't you explain your feelings? Leo deserves better. 

“Seriously though, can we talk? I don't want you to be upset with me.” Leo said, leaning back to look at you. He was dirty with oil staining his clothes, his eyes void of his usual impish gleam. You wanted to throw up. 

“What's there to talk about?” You replied, far harsher than you meant to. Leo winces, and looks away. 

“You've been avoiding me. I figure it's because of the kiss. But I don't want to lose our friendship because I misread something.” Leo replied, the sincerity in his tone making you want to cry. Why are you such an idiot?

And then you had to keep going, talking straight out of your ass. “I mean it was a mistake anyway. We can just forget it ever happened.” 

Leo looked shocked and then hurt. Like a dog tucking their tail in with defeat. You wanted to apologize and say anything to make him feel better again. But words fail. 

“Oh, if that's what you want.” Leo replied, any excitement in his eyes dying right before you. You froze, half wanting to run away and half needing to apologize. You unfortunately do the former. 

A couple days later and the rest of Argo II has had enough. Piper had taken it into her own hands. 

“Hey, can you get something in the storage room please?” Piper asked you, prompting you to agree pretty quickly. You can be nice, especially when it comes to your sister. 

You quickly realize your mistake when two things happen:

Leo is also in the storage room looking as confused as you

The door is now locked

Piper locked the door. Of course she did. You tried your best to stay calm and not act a total fool. Maybe you'll finally have your chance to apologize to Leo. Even if he looks very uncomfortable to you.

You were trying to say “I'm fucking sorry” or “Are you okay?” But unfortunately it came out as, “Are you fucking sorry?” 

You winced the same time as Leo before you quickly attempt to remedy it, “Sorry, I mean to say I'm so fucking sorry. Gods, I am so sorry.” 

You groan loudly, covering your blushing face with your hands. You wish the Earth could open up and simply swallow you whole. It would be a hell of a lot easier than dealing with the aftermath of the walking disaster that is you. 

The weirdest part is the fact you normally are extremely flirtatious. But that's when it comes to Leo Valdez, you are a complete, flustering, bumbling fool. 

You need to say this. You need to get it out and explain the utter way he consumes your heart. But right you can barely stand to look him in the eye without exploding with embarrassment.

“Alright, don't interrupt me.” You begin to say, eyes squeezed shut and voice shaky with nerves, “or say a word until I'm done. Because otherwise I'll just die of embarrassment. And I need to tell you this.”

When you don't hear anything you start speaking, parting your lips as the words flow. You describe the way his smile makes your heart flutter,the way his stupid, stupid jokes that always leave you breathless and grinning, the way his eyes light up when he talks about his newest inventions. You explain it all, you tell him the way your heart aches so heavily when avoiding him. How you've been an utter fool for so long, how you thanked the gods when he kissed you. 

You apologize for running away, like a coward. You explain that you were scared and embarrassed and too much of a wimp to confront him. You feel ridiculous for rambling this long but you keep going; you can't stop. Not until-

He says your name, in a way you've never heard before. It was low and softened around the edges, intimate and solely for you.

You hesitantly look up at him, your heart stalling when you see the look in his eyes. He looked at you like you are his entire universe, his entire reason for existing. That was enough to make anyone swoon, especially a child of Aphrodite like yourself. You don't even realize you had been crying until Leo's hand brushes against your cheek to wipe them away. 

“Can I kiss you?” He asks softly, his face inches away from your own. You nod slightly, lips parted instinctively. Your hands find their way to clutching the front of his camp shirt, his hands locked into your hair.

Finally Leo leans in, his lips pressing against your own. It's like everything you've dreamed and not at the same time. His lips are chapped and rough, but they tasted sweet. Your heart flutters in your body, rising and rising like a butterfly ready to fly. Your mouth opens, his warm tongue slipping through as he explores your mouth. It was like your first kiss but so much better, it was so perfect.

Leo pulls away, cheeks flushed and breath heavy. But he has an idiotic grin on his lips that likely matches yours.

“Are you still mad at me for ignoring you like an idiot?” You ask, unable to fight the smile on your face and the affection in your eyes. 

Leo pretends to take a moment to consider, his hands slipping to your hips as he pulls you closer. He gives you a smug smirk and whispers in your ear, “I'm still mad but if you give me more of those kisses, I might change my mind.” 

He didn't have to say it twice.