#why does this movie get better every rewatch i feel like i look at it with new eyes after rtte

[jackshiccup]

i never noticed until now but in httyd 1, the scene where we hear hiccup address the other kids by their name for the first time (specifically snotlout and fishlegs) he yells, ‘lout, legs, hang in its blind spot!’ and i just think it’s so interesting that it’s the only time we’ve ever heard hiccup call them that

[restinslices]

Ngl now I wanna read MK1 LKBS reacting to Twilight in headcanon bullet point format 😭

Pretend I put a joke here

Bi-Han

Bi-Han probably hates a lot of things 

Twilight is quickly added to his list 

You know how you can hate a movie, show, book, whatever but have a favorite character? That doesn't happen with Bi-Han

Fuck Bella, fuck Edward, fuck Jacob, fuck EVERYBODY 

The fact that he managed to finish the first movie is a miracle. He for damn sure ain't watching the rest and/or reading the books. You gon have to stab him 

“I'll divorce you if you don't” “I'll get the paperwork for you”

I don't think he'd like any parts of it. There's not a single redeemable thing in that movie 

The type to get mad at Bella and pause the movie to do a lap so he won't destroy the TV 

His main question is “why are y'all doing all this for a girl you hardly know?”

I legit don't think he'd enjoy any parts of it. MAYBE the soundtrack, and that's a big MAYBE 

So many things would bother him. Why is stalking romantic? Why are you risking your family's life for a girl you hardly know? Why is Edward not considered a pedo? How has he not met someone yet? Why is Jacob stuck on her?

There is nothing redeemable about Twilight to him. I think every minute for him is agony 

I don't think any of them like Twilight but I feel like he hates it the most 

In turmoil

Kuai Liang

He doesn't like it either but he tries to be nice and hide it 

He hides it poorly 

A very pained smile whenever you look over at him 

“You like it?” “Yes… 🙂” “Great! Let's watch New Moon!” “There's more?😧”

Does he watch the others? Possibly 

Will he read the books? No

I don't think he'd be fond of any of the main characters either

He’s not a fan of love triangles and he also just doesn’t like the characters

Favorite character? Maybe Angela 

She gets hardly any screentime so she can't do any wrong 

That soundtrack is nice tho-

I don't think he's in as much agony as Bi-Han, but I don't see him liking Twilight 

I'm not even sure he's even into romantic movies 

Do I think he's against romantic movies? No. Do I think it's his favorite genre? No. It could be like, top 5 or something 

This isn't me jumping on the Twilight hate train because I like Twilight in a sense, but I just don't see any of them genuinely enjoying it and being apart of the Team Jacob vs Team Edward debate 

He for sure ain't rewatching the movies 

His niceness is only going so far. At some point he gotta deliver the news to you 

Bella's lullaby is his shit now tho 

Tomas 

Supermassive Black Hole is a nice song 

So… he doesn't entirely hate it 

Like it though? Um… he likes that you like it

Unlike the other two, he'll read the books but he's only reading them because he's like “these movies gotta be popular for a reason. Maybe the books are better”

Does he finish? Probably not 

The love triangle ain't even balanced fr, so he's not really intrigued by that part

I can see him being into the supernatural stuff but I mean, it's not like it's super expounded on 

Is he Team Edward or Team Jacob? Neither 

Bi-Han hates everyone, Kuai Liang doesn't like love triangles, Tomas doesn't like Bella 

Playing both sides when it's convenient for you is something he's not fond of. Pick one and stay on that one 

Who’s his favorite character? He jumps from side characters 

The main characters are probably never his favorite. They're always doing something that makes him raise a brow 

I can possibly see this becoming a series he hates so much, he feels the need to rewatch it 

He spots plot holes and now he can no longer unsee them

He really does try to pick a team if you want him to but it's like “I know who she ends up with so what's the point?”

The point is to be part of the community Tomas 

“I thought you didn't like Twilight” “I need background noise” “...” “I need to feel something” “I get it”

Love hate relationship 

He just like me fr 

[elllisaaa]

hello there, sweetie, i have some jake thoughts to share 🤭

i’ve been regularly listening to sweet venom since it came out, but after rewatching the mv today something in my mind popped up…

jake taking you out on a date to the cinema and specifically picking out seats on the very last row aaaalll the way back so you get as much privacy as possible. “those are the best seats, we’ll see the movie better from here,” he says and you actually buy that 🤭

fifteen minutes in he starts getting touchy & impatient - breathing in deeply, constantly changing positions, trying to fight back the urge to touch you. but he fails…

it begins with a hand over your thigh, nonchalantly tapping with fingertips, lightly squeezing, rubbing your skin, caressing your kneecap and other tempting things like that before allowing himself to go up… you’re wearing a skirt btw, and that makes his needs even more intense, so at one point he gives up and slides under the fabric, teasing your clothed clit. you spread your legs as wide as you can, inviting his fingers in, and you look so pretty to him… when you begin to squirm and pant in your seat, slightly lit up in neon lights from the movie screen, releasing erotic moans that only he can hear…. that’s why he picked those seats after all. ~

this is messy and incoherent, but it’s what he does to me and i’m sorry 😣

hiii love ! i’m so sorry that it took me so much time to work on this but i'm always here to some jake thoughts  🤭 and the messier the better, he's driving us all crazy anyway  😣 

JAKE is the best when it comes to manipulating you into having sex in public areas with him. he just find it so exciting how you can't resist him every time, and give in to his touch in the end, even if you protest and say that you want him to stop or you'll get caught. 

well, it's not his fault if you decided to wear one of your shortest skirts, and looked so stunning tonight. the more he was looking at the side of your face, the more the need to touch you increased. and the fact that you were absolutely clueless about the naughty thoughts going on in his mind was even more exciting. 

it's only when his fingers press on your clothed clit that you finally understand why he wanted to go to the back. and when you look back at him, he only smirks while licking his lips. jake works you up slowly, sliding his fingers inside gently, and salivating at how wet you are, and how much he wants to taste you right now. 

the appealing view of your face scrunched up in pleasure, and the sound of your quiet whimpers gets him so hard but all he thinks about for the moment is to make you cum around his fingers. and he's so lost in the feeling of having you with all these people around that he is really surprised when he feels your own hand coming to stroke his cock over his pants. 

"fuck angel... you're so tight around my fingers, can't wait you to ruin you when we get home..."

jake is whispering all those filthy words in your ears, dropping his head in your neck to let you and only you hear his little noises and kiss your neck, resisting the urge to mark your delicious skin. 

"- so naughty angel, you love this don't you ?"

an answer was not necessary with the way you clenched around jake fingers, bringing another smile to his lips that was soon wiped off of his face when you gripped his throbbing cock, forcing a moan out of him. 

also having thoughts about how funny it would be to see him all embarrassed about cumming in his pants, tying his jacket around his waist to go out of the cinema. but bet that he would take his revenge once you get back home  🤭

[prkrt]

Sky High Would Have Been a Much Better Movie if Will Stronghold Never Got His Powers

So either last year or the year before I rewatched Sky High with my best friend for his birthday. Last I’d seen it I was probably like 5. And it was a fun watch. I’m a sucker for mid-2000′s media, and Sky High is as mid as it gets. While we were riffing on every little detail (like how Zach, Ethan, and Magenta look like Danny, Tucker, and Sam from Danny Phantom) eventually we got to the point where Will gets his powers. And then it hit me: “Why?”

Will not having powers is a pretty big deal in the movie. Having powers is a BIG deal even this movie. Even seemingly useless ones like glowing or melting into a puddle separate you from the average everyday citizen. So much so there’s an entire floating high school made just to train up-and-coming heroes. One could argue that entrance to the school requires having powers, and Will shouldn’t be attending at all.

And I think the movie could have genuinely drove the “Anyone can be a hero” message a lot more, and played with Will’s character a bit more, if he didn’t eventually just get superpowers out of nowhere. It’s really weird he does at all, because Will goes from an underdog who has all this shame about not having powers, which has forced him to lie to his father and be an outcast in his school, to Superman almost immediately. And Will only really becomes a jerk because of these powers, abandoning his friends, only to redeem himself later because the situation calls for it.

I think, genuinely, the film could have been a lot better if Will just never got his superpowers, and he had to prove he could be a hero without them. Instead of using his super strength to throw around Royal Pain, he’d be helping to stop the school from crashing into the ground and standing up to her even when the odds are against him. All with the help of his fellow sidekick friends. It’d be easier for the viewer to relate to (don’t we all feel a little small compared to everyone else?) and have an overall more positive message. Otherwise, it’s really just the story of some privileged kid getting everything he wants, just a little later than he wanted.

[myassbrokethefall]

xf rewatch: ice/space/fallen angel

one thing about me is I know how important it is to stick to a consistent posting schedule. anyway here’s 3 more XF rewatch writeups after weeks of silence

ice

Ice doesn’t deserve to be just lumped in here, but I watched it forever ago and I’ve seen it a million times and no one needs my thoughts on it anyway. Biggest Ice takeaways this time through:

this is M&S’s, and our, first truly grownup episode. M&S have been faffing around in their shoulder pads debating about whether aliens are real and if a jersey devil could be a girl and and certainly getting in scrapes/close calls, but this shit is SERIOUS. like they could die. and they know it. and this ep feels it. they are scared, they are wild-eyed and sweaty in their casual thermals and this is not just investigating a Case or intellectual sparring. there is no remove. no one is wearing a suit or renting a car or buying an office sandwich from the cart. they keep getting in deeper and deeper and it is out of control and scary and real as shit

that exterior shot with the extremely fake Rudolph snowflakes is used, I believe my final count was, 472 times. and was hilarious to me each and every time.

ice is a magnificent ep, no notes. we knew this

space

Space is… not good, which is not news but allow me to attempt to pinpoint why:

pacing so bad. like in the beginning some stuff (conveyed mostly through stock footage) is happening and then suddenly mulder and scully are there and it’s like, a case I guess? this lady walks up to them and shows them this photo that looks like nothing and spends like an hour explaining it to them and is like the fbi has to investigate this! and mulder and scully are like oh, well we’re the fbi so we can do that. then they go to nasa and just stand around

listen I love, LOVE a good nerd infodump but even for me it was all getting deeply tedious and I ceased being able to, or having the will to, follow what was going on. And I just read and enjoyed all 864 pages of Seveneves. Having scully stand next to mulder and he has to keep explaining to her every space thing as it happens just adds this extra layer of shellac over everything. it’s like when you’re on a plane and you kind of half-voluntarily watch a movie in the row ahead of you through the seat backs. primo chris carter “tell don’t show.”

the whole car accident sequence is a facepalm from beginning to end. the car literally FLIPS OVER, michelle is in there yelling and sounding mostly just mildly pissed off, mulder keeps chirping “y’all right?” like she tumbled into a snowbank in a hallmark movie, then bodily drags her out from her flipped-over car that she is trapped under, and THEN scully goes “now, don’t try to move.” thanks doc! then michelle just goes back to NASA, with blood dripping down her face (which continues actively dripping throughout the scene, with no trace of a scar the next day). couldn’t hitting a tree have conveyed the sense of “a malevolent space monster made me lose control of my driving” just as well? presumably the car explodes as soon as they leave. and no one minds.

I realize this is not an easy thing to replicate on a budget, but my god “mission control” is sad-looking. it looks like it was filmed inside the janitor’s closet at a puppet theater. and the only person who works there is that one guy who I am informed was a canadian vj on MuchMusic and who has literally all the dialogue. (counterpoint: hard for me not to compare to For All Mankind, which does all this a million times better, but deeply unfair to do so since that's not only 25 years later but the theme on which this episode is kind of the saddest crackerjackiest variation is their show's entire job and budget.)

Mulder And Scully At The (NASA) Library: Approved. Love how they just leave the file they spent hours searching for when they run out.

what even was the motivation of the space/mars guy. to get back to space? to kill everyone? to kill everyone but only after getting back to space first? to bring down more space/mars guys to cause dramatically bad car accidents where everyone is fine? yes I know the REAL motivation is "give mulder and scully a semi-plausible paranormal reason to go to nasa and stand around"

the “everyone cheers in mission control because a scary/tense space thing was accomplished and everyone is ok” moment happened I think 3 separate times?? chris come on

this episode is still like 5x as coherent and watchable as any of CC’s revival episodes (other than Plus One).

one good thing is the space face morphing or whatever was super cool/creepy and holds up quite decently as an effect. also scully saw it!! well that’s cool! she doesn’t really seem to have any particular thoughts about that or anything though. you might think Mulder would bring that up more in the future. (morgan & wong: “well scully can’t SEE the paranormal thing so let’s have her juuuust miss it! twice!” chris carter: *file not found*)

I get that CC wanted to make a tense NASA episode, I like that genre of thing, and I appreciate that they took a stab at it but in the end, the execution was not the greatest. nor was the concept. ah well.

fallen angel

fallen angel was a friggin breath of fresh air after space, and I remembered NOTHING about it beyond a bit of Max and “the enigmatic Dr. Scully.”

the gordon/gansa ripping off of scifi classics continues apace as the whole evacuating for a “toxic spill” that is really a UFO is of course straight out of Close Encounters.

although I (correctly) complained about this in Space, I actually liked how we got sort of sideways-pulled into this one, with the scenario setup first and then we see Mulder (only Mulder) skulking around while we are flashing back to Deep Throat giving him the lowdown. immediately understandable that this is kind of an off-book adventure for him (leather jacket for forest hiking, perfect). And super satisfying when Scully gets her hero’s entrance to bail him out (and yell at him).

it was fun getting an idea of mulder as UFO Celebrity. always mobbed by fans while in air force jail. rough. (also funny to see his sheepishness at getting called out for writing an article in Omni about UFO sightings under a fake name)

Loved Scully getting pulled into some clutch doctoring. Just some great dimension for her as well/a reminder that she has her own areas of expertise and this FBI sidekick situation is not all she can do. (she is also still heartbreakingly in her "the government cannot do that! you are entitled to the truth!" phase.) I also loved when she marches glassy-eyed into Mulder’s motel room after a long rough night and wordlessly opens the fridge.

I liked the bit where mulder is talking about Max being an abductee and scully is all, mulder he's unreliable and he might be psychotic blah blah and mulder goes, scully you don’t get it, HE doesn’t think he’s an abductee, I think it. Also brings back a bit of what I liked so much in the pilot and earliest eps: scully being like mulder your crazy alien voodoo isn't gonna work on me!!! a martian didn't eat those livers!!! and mulder being like, scully, all I am asking is that you look at a scar and give me your medical opinion. he's not trying to talk her into anything and that's how he GETS YA

Interesting to see how they're still throwing out whatever alien concepts at this point. they are benevolent and send reassuring messages through the tv to loved ones? sure. they are evil spirits that possess astronauts' faces before killing them? got it. they're invisible/use cloaking devices to pass through lasers? duly noted.

I’m not sure the ending worked great but that’s ok. Gotta end it somehow. I found myself glad to know that we will be seeing Max again.

On a scale between Ice where Mulder and Scully are believably layered humans, frightened but determined, shakily wielding their authority one minute and losing their shit in realistically overlapping off-camera arguments in the next, and Space where they are sidelined Mary Sues in a half-baked NASA fanfic that could have used another beta, Fallen Angel is somewhere in the middle. Good ep, not great. But that yearning feeling that XF was so good at is present here. Something big is happening and it's JUST beyond where we can see. gotta see it. gotta keep searching. it's out there (the truth)

[fbfh]

I recently rewatched dazed and confused, and mitch has ahold of me again. I love that little man, i will forever love that little man. Ive watched everything with wiley wiggins in it. Ive forced my friends to watch everything too. This could also be an obsession just resurfacing again for the 3rd time since last summer.

*Sighs and opens notes app*

huh. I just looked it up and I'm gonna have to find a slime tutorial somewhere. adds to my post top surgery movie list I looked up a scene pack and... hm. yeah I can see why you're obsessing. I love a good obscure blorbo Sean from dance academy is kinda.... yk.... and yeah you convinced me to watch it. full disclosure that I haven't actually seen the movie yet and my only knowledge about Mitch is a 4 minute scene pack with minimal dialogue, but this is my first impression (and all of this is subject to change after I actually watch and get to know him yk) is 1, he's fucking adorable and 2, the baseball outfit??????????? unnecessary.

Listen Mitch has the FATTEST crush on you. like big fat lays awake at night and thinks about you when he's stoned kinda crush. he seems pretty chill so you probably have no idea that when he's staring into space in your general direction he's thinking about you falling into his arms, what your lips taste like, what you smell like. he lights up when you talk to him, burning every interaction with you into his memory. he really does just love to look at you. no matter how long you've been together, he'll just stare at you and completley lose all sense of time. and oh my god you better believe his friends will tease him CONSTANTLY about his crush on you, about how out of his league you are, but is that gonna stop him from spacing out and thinking about you in class????? of course not. he's going to make the longest mental list of exaclty how he's going to treat you right if he ever, ever gets a chance with you. on the top of his high school bucket list of stuff to do before graduation is kiss you. just once. right next to that, tied for first place, is getting to dance with you. a party, homecoming, prom, he really doesn't care. he just wants one dance with you. three minutes up close with his hands on your waist and yours on his shoulders so he finally has a proper excuse to stare at you like he loves to do. and it feels like a pipe dream right now, but it's not one he's ever going to give up on.

[onaslansside]

We finally watched Alice (2009) after seeing the mutuals yell about it for years and. oh. such a good decision. Thank you to @as-dreamers-do, @taleweaver-ramblings and everyone else who insisted on yelling repeatedly about how much they loved this movie. I have a stash of DVDs for movie nights that no one has ever heard of but everyone winds up loving, and this movie is about to go in that stash. After watching, we both dived for our phones to see what all the other liveblog reviews said, so assume we yelled about all the normal things, and please enjoy this list of a few more unique/underappreciated reactions.

Alice is an A+ street smart heroine, love her. Every time we'd yell at the screen, "BAD VIBES, NO" she was also aware of the red flag and doing something about it. I feel as delighted about this as Hoid was about Tress requesting parental assistance/advice.

"Oh this is very Between." "Yeah."

Why does she run like that. I get that the blue dress, half updo, and mincing steps into the unknown are a homage, but SHE IS A BLACK BELT, WHY DOES SHE RUN SO BADLY.

I can't tell what's up with Hatter, every single description everyone has given of his possible motivations doesn't quite match. Like, he does think Alice is pretty, and he does want to help the resistance, and he does want to make money while doing so, but it feels like there's another more consistent reason lurking in his eyes and I have NO IDEA what it is, not even after watching Gen and Athelas for years.

"The decor of this casino is excellently stupid, this place would have Thumb Thumbs- *spots the Ten of Clubs* THERE'S ONE!"

LOVE a fight scene that understands that a gun within lunging range is no longer a particular advantage!!! Was NOT expecting Hatter to step between Alice and the threat with that little hesitation, that brings him up several points in my estimation.

That Jabberwock is so stupid. I love it. The design reminds me of the two-headed dragon in HTTYD.

I'm no film nerd, but the camera work is so good even I keep noticing it. The Scooby Doo chase with the Jabberwock, the focus shifting between Charlie and Hatter, the sliver of light when Alice opens the study door... *chefkiss*

I have known this knight for five seconds and I love him.

I need to rewatch this entire thing already, because the body language of EVERYONE is so good and so detailed that you can't get it all, especially when paying attention to the lines being spoken.

Every single shot of Hatter's reactions to Charlie are so funny.

Love both Hatter and Ten of Clubs doing beautiful sliding halts on the casino floors.

Wait, did the King just rescue not one but two of the clubs from the consequences of the Queen's temper tantrum?? I think he did. Hmmmmmmmmmmm. Is he figuring out he's not okay with this situation? Is he secretly undermining her?

Somewhere in the middle of Jack explaining that Alice's father was being brought to the city, I suddenly began to wonder if he might be the Carpenter, because he'd been shown onscreen an awful lot so far...

"Hatter's going to follow her, isn't he. ISN'T HE? ... oh look, so is Charlie, that's great."

We made identical little sad sympathetic sounds when the explosion knocked Charlie over, but we were both very unconcerned for his safety.

I said, "That can be arranged," at the same moment as Alice and I'm very smug about it.

"YOU BETTER NOT GIVE ME THAT 'IT WAS ALL JUST A DREAM' NONSENSE!! >:(" Melwa smirked very loudly because A) that's canon for the original Alice, and B) she'd already seen spoiler gifsets of the end.

And T_T she flings herself at him before we can see if its like in Wizard of Oz and he just was glimpsed and got into her dreams vs he's real, and then we turn around and he DOES know her T_T, and THE POOR MOM who is cropped out of all the gifsets ajghksjfbfbk

[starlingchildgazingatthestars]

Okay, so, @risingfire17-in-wonderland-blog and I are doing a "12 ship fics for 12 years of friendship" writing challenge, in which we write each others' fave ships, regardless of our personal feelings. The only real rule is we both have to be familiar with the source material. One of the ships on my list for her is Harry/Hermione, one of my oldest OTPs (and one of the very, very rare non-canon ships I actually have Feelings for lol)

The only problem is that my bestie hasn't touched the series since 2011, when the last film came out lol so she couldn't recall any "canon" evidence of Harmony feels. And since rewatching the films is infinitely easier than rereading the books, we're doing weekly watches of the series!

Last night, we watched Sorcerer's Stone, and she took notes of EVERY POSSIBLE HARMONY MOMENT, like a scientist taking notes on animals in the wild lmao

Transcript of her notes below cut:

[Transcript: picture of notebook with my best friend's writing

"Why to Ship Harmony

Movie 1:

she repaired his glasses

"she's kinda a bitch, but she fixed my glasses, so I'll give her a chance" kind of attitude

she always sits next to Harry

she rushed to his side during Quidditch convo

she knows more about him than he does

she gets his attention before Snape does during class

"this is your fault" look he gives Ron bc she's crying

Harry remembers she's in the bathroom

he jumps on a troll's back to protect her & he dragged Ron into action

she set a teacher on fire to protect him

she cheered like a psycho when he won Quidditch

chess - she screams "that's barbaric" when Ron's piece kills Harry's

she walks on Ron's side but rushes to Harry's side when his scar hurts & when he rushes off

"lucky Hermione pays attention in Herbology"

(book only) potions test ⬇

she calls him a great wizard ➡ he replied "not as good as you" ➡ and admits there are more important things than books & cleverness

(book only) she gives him his first hug

when Harry asks Hermione after he gets out of hospital how she is and she says "never better" (because she saw Harry)

The back pat & look he gave her when she won 50 pts -- he didn't even get that excited about Ron - he clapped and smiled for Ron while he was looking but continued to look admirably at Hermione even after she looks away"

END Transcript]

[spider-spirit-god-whatever-bitch]

ok fine let's talk about how the Loki tv show made him straight & how that's basically why hes so different in the show. an essay which will probably go on longer than i want it to.

ok, swooping claim right off the bat: Loki is a queer coded villain in the first two Thor movies and in The Avengers (2012). idk how widely accepted this is, but it's absolutely true. and they didn't only pick up the good tropes. Loki is very effeminate in looks (long hair (well actually they all do in the thor movies), that outfit is just a dress lets be honest, very skinny. absolute skin and bones, no muscle). shown as much more cowardly than the manlyTM Thor, instead of using brute force relying on tricks. the flamboyant speeches. being self-centered. no confirmed girlfriends nor romantic/sexual relationships of any kind. also the obsession with his mother, which was just a thing from the hays code era when ppl just assumed all gay men were obsessed with their mothers. there's a reason queer coded villains are a tad problematic. But Loki falls under so many of these accepted tropes. this article I have opened in parallel about what makes a villain queer coded lists him TWICE in the examples. in the movies, he's gay. he's a gay disney villain.

however, the Loki tv show needed to make him a protagonist. especially if they're airlifting 2012 Loki out of the narrative, they're going to need to speedrun some character development FAST. of course, that means you need to ditch his villain traits immediately (remember we only have 6 episodes and we have to cram in a recap, two intros and an outro into each of them). however, in the original movies, a large part of his villain-ness is so heavily entangled with his queerness. at this point there were two choices: disentangle the queerness from the villain-ness, keeping him queer but making his flamboyancy, tricks and effeminacy a part of his new protagonist characterization. which i would have fucking loved. lets be honest everyone wants the queer coded villain to be the main character. but that would require innovation and you're not allowed that at marvel. careful!! you almost took a risk there!! so instead of subverting the queer coded villain trope with a relatively innovative idea, they just chucked everything in the trash. seriously, rewatch the first episode, and see how quickly they try to subvert every single last thing on the list. in the first MINUTES they take away his magic so he can no longer rely on tricks, they strip him of his effeminate clothes (showing off that he now has chiselled masculine manly male abs) and replace them with a collared shirt and tie. they have him realise that he's self obsessed, and have him be like "ohhh im going to get better its bad that im narcisisstic im self conscious now". also, they introduce Sylvie, and absolutely use her to point out how 100% straight he is. when sylvie is on screen they make a big deal about how SHES THE FEMALE LOKI!! SHES A GIRL AND HES A BOY AND THEYRE DIFFERENT BECAUSE OF THAT!! taking away any gender ambiguity. idk why they do this with such a passion but they LOOOOVE pointing out that Loki is a guy in this show. and then they speedrun putting him in a romantic relationship with her.

and there's no argument to be made about making him canonically queer, because what they did is so painfully token its not even funny. they casually drop that he is bi, and it is never acknowledged again. ever. just a casual "a bit of both". four words. thats it. they could have very easily elaborated on this, because there's so many gaps to be filled here: what is it like being queer on asgard?? is it the future the woke left TM wants, or is there stigma around it? if there is stigma, how did that contribute to his whole thing of feeling like an outsider? what about jotunheim? does his family know? you're building an universe here. elaborate on it. maybe you don't need graphic gay sex on screen, but there is a middle ground here. and boy are they far from it. because not only do they not elaborate on it, but by this point they have drained all the queerness out of him. they made him the most cishet-acceptableTM gay they could. this is to an extent personal taste but i really dont like it when movies do that. please, let them actually embody queer culture. let him have some fashion sense, some mannerisms, SOMETHING, which shows that he's outwardly queer. queer coded villains do somewhat come from a time of homophobia, but that does not mean you can't try to reclaim it. Loki could have stayed androgynous and ambiguously bi/gay/aro?. or you could have just made that canon, and kept him how he was. I'm not saying avoid character development, but this was too fast and incredibly unnatural.

anyways in conclusion they fucked up and this was the fakest gay representation i have seen in a while. and that's not even TOUCHING on the frankly disgusting amounts of queerbaiting going on between him and Mobius like dude come on is it 2014 or 2024

[solmints-messyocdiary]

Tw: Animal death, suicide mention, blood, gore, torture mention, violent ideas

[Mismatched excerpts ripped off from Finley's Journal. The dates have been scribbled away with a black pen.]

It feels weird writing on a journal. Like something a teenager might do instead of a grown ass man who works from 9 to 5.

But I needed to destress and let it out on some pages after talking with my mother on the phone. I hate hearing her shrill voice on the other side of the receiver. The only thing she can do is complain and complain and complain about the same thing over and over again. I don't want to see that man either... I hate him more than her.

I can't handle her and to think I have to go and visit them on Thanksgiving and Christmas I feel like I am going to lose my damn head.

At least I can let things out and still practice my writing if needed, so that's a plus. I haven't had much time to update my book, and that's making me a bit sad. Hopefully, I'll be able to write a bit.

Might treat myself and go the diner to get some choco pancakes and a milkshake. Those will surely cheer me up.

Really want pancakes and milkshakes...

-

The longer I stay on this damn job, the more I feel like I am going to lose myself. I've been spacing out every 5 minutes whenever someone talks to me. It's hard. (Hehe)

I had to stay 2 more hours overtime, no pay for my hard work the 3rd time this week. I had to wake up earlier, too. I arrived around 8 instead of 9 because the computers were acting up at my workplace and needed me, the IT guy, to fix them.

Not to mention, the printer too... If I have to fistfight the printer again, or hear any of my coworkers complain, particularly Brandon, I am going to strangle them. I am really going to snap!!!

I wish their heads would just explode into a bloody mess. Just Carrie them off with my mind powers whenever I feel annoyed of them. They surely deserve that, particularly Brandon and my boss. Fuck those two. The world would be better if they didn't exists. We don't need red flags walking around the office... only me! Haha!

-

I promised myself to do it again, but alas, old habits die hard as the saying goes.

Went to the beach for a dip and found a baby bird on the sand. Ants surrounding its small body and biting pieces away to bring it to their lair. Lucky for me, I always have my camera with me. Never the one to miss a chance.

I guess I should be sad but that's how nature is.

Cruel.

I wonder how others would react if they saw my ant-bitten corpse...

-

Finished rewatching Scream 2 and...

Damn... Why is Mickey kinda...?

Like... you know? If I was a girl I'd be into him and have his poster hanging over my bedroom wall haha.

Still angry at Scream 2 for killing Randy, tho. He was my favorite.

Rented Carrie, Slaughter High, Graduation, Prom Night, for tonight. Felt a bit nostalgic for some reason. Getting shoved in a locker every tuesday really does something to a guy. Going to have a nice movie night with myself while I think of my high school times.

Totally good for my mental stability, yup!

-

I wonder how my old high school friends have been doing...

Do they remember me with disdain? Are they happy with their life? More successful? Managed to marry a nice gal or guy and have many kids together? A stable job and nice suburban house?

...

Fuck them.

-

Death still scares me.

I thought that if I forced myself to witness the worst of the worst. Every torture imaginable, researching hours and hours and hours of how a body decays, how long does it take for it to rot, shrink, turn into dust.

Live footages of people getting decapitated, stabbed, run over, split in half, drowned, squashed to death, gutted, burned alive, choked, flayed.

I'd grow out of it.

It's not that hard to look for stuff like that as long as you know where to find it and you're patient.

Will I ever be able to look at their loved ones in their eyes. Admit that I saw the last moments of their brother, mother, a cousin? The light leaving their eyes?

I thought I've become numb enough to just stare attentively, not blinking for a second.

People I know will die one day. Complete strangers, lives of theirs I will never know, are dying as I write this.

And yet, I remain wide awake. Imagining how it'll feel for my body to reach nothingness. The maggots feasting on my insides, eating away little by little. Gourging themselves on the bile and flesh and pus from my organs till they become fat, squirmy little bugs. Eating, mating, dying, rinse and repeat over and over and over again.

My skin itches thinking of it. Like they have already managed to crawl deep inside.

Even a death as boring and not spectacular like an illness terrifies me.

-

How long do I have left? Have I wasted my life? Is it too late for me?

When will I die...

-

I miss my friends from high school... some of them I've forgotten their names...

I sometimes think about Chelsea. No, I am always thinking about her...

If I contact her... will she ever forgive me?

It's too late to cry over spilt milk.

-

Seems I've been thinking about death a lot lately.

I went to go see a movie to try and fend of the feelings of dread and paranoia that have been seeping in me.

Stale popcorn, overpriced and oversized. Check.

Watered down soda. Check.

Badly directed horror film? Check.

Annoying and talkative patrons? Double check.

The blood effects weren't as cool compared to others, but at least the lead was hot even if she couldn't act to save her life.

-

Why am I even trying?

-

I made a blog.

I post all the pictures I've taken from dead animals and roadkill.

-

I feel numb.

-

I haven't been feeling real as of late. I even dared touch one of the spilt out guts of a cat behind an alleyway. I wanted to feel something. See if I was still here. I pushed my fingers in, feeling the slimy and sticky organs. It burned and I janked my hand away.

It felt surreal.

I can't feel my hands or face at times. Like they weren't even there to begin with.

-

I think I might go to a therapist.

-

I want to die...

[mlobsters]

supernatural s1e12 faith (w. sera gamble, raelle tucker)

(this is a rewatch so spoilers abound)

same old story, i'm struggling. mostly convinced my depression (and/or the meds) just shuffle my executive function around but never increase it. imagine a yahtzee cup shaking the dice around, let's see what i get this time

very pretty and reminiscent of xfiles, but better car. cue me searching for the oldsmobile that wasn't terrible in the xf movie, which then i run into the firefox/yt bug so i have to wait 5 minutes for an incredibly shitty recording of a tv playing an xf/oldsmobile intrigue promo to load. this is going great. maybe i don't wanna see our dean get electrocuted

cracking up that they kinda ran into each other. literally attached at the hip. this whole rawhead thing, feels like the actual monstery monsters thing just largely went by the wayside after s1

DEAN Yeah. All right, well, looks like you're gonna leave town without me. SAM What are you talking about? I'm not gonna leave you here. DEAN Hey, you better take care of that car. Or, I swear, I'll haunt your ass. SAM I don't think that's funny. DEAN Oh, come on, it's a little funny.

always hard to watch dean being so ready to die. this being the more acceptance of the consequences of hunting type, but watching it with the weight of every other time it's going to happen pushing down on me, buh.

DEAN Look, Sammy, what can I say, man, it's a dangerous gig. I drew the short straw. That's it, end of story. SAM Don't talk like that, alright? We still have options. DEAN What options? Yeah, burial or cremation. And I know it's not easy. But I'm gonna die. And you can't stop it. SAM Watch me.

heaven help whoever gets in the way of sam saving dean

SAM Hey, Dad. It's Sam. Uh... you probably won't even get this, but, uh... it's Dean. He's sick, and uh... the doctors say there's nothing they can do. Um... but, uh, they don't know the things we know, right? So, don't worry, cause I'm uh... gonna do whatever it takes to get him better. Alright... just wanted you to know.

dean's dying but can't count on john for anything, of course. and a little sam/jared nail biting moment

DEAN Well, I'm not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren't even hot.

come home to hot nurse sammy *rimshot*

SAM You know, this whole I-laugh-in-the-face-of-death thing? It's crap. I can see right through it. DEAN Yeah, whatever, dude. Have you even slept? You look worse than me.

i spy with my little eye their wee printer back there. sammy in socks, dean in not-logger boots. also i think because of how he dresses a lot of times but jackles really does have long legs. and occasionally will get a shot of them like whoa, right.

SAM I've been scouring the Internet for the last three days. Calling every contact in Dad's journal. DEAN For what? SAM For a way to help you. One of Dad's friends, Joshua, he called me back. Told me about a guy in Nebraska. A specialist. DEAN You're not gonna let me die in peace, are you? SAM I'm not gonna let you die, period. We're going.

i know that's right!

always here for grumpy weak puppy dean getting annoyed with sam mother henning him. i ended up making all the gifs because it's cute and makes me laugh

DEAN Man, you are a lying bastard. Thought you said we were going to see a doctor. SAM I believe I said a specialist.

cracking me up. it's not my fault you assumed medical specialist 😌

s1e11 julie benz as layla rourke / dexter s1e1 as rita bennett

funny, in an effort to watch something instead of zoning out and being miserable in the evening the other day i put on dexter, i have watched half of the first episode 🥴 but i did meet her character!

YOUNG WOMAN Maybe God works in mysterious ways. DEAN Maybe he does. I think you just turned me around on the subject. YOUNG WOMAN Yeah, I'm sure. DEAN I'm Dean. This is Sam. YOUNG WOMAN Layla. So, if you're not a believer, then why are you here? DEAN Well, apparently my brother here believes enough for the both of us.

sam's little smile to that ❤️

DEAN This is ridiculous. (He slaps SAM's hands away) I'm good, dude, get off me.

😂

truly, worth the price of admission alone

SAM Look, Dean, do we really have to look this one in the mouth? Why can't we just be thankful that the guy saved your life and move on? DEAN Because I can't shake this feeling, that's why. SAM What feeling? DEAN When I was healed, I just... I felt wrong. I felt cold. And for a second... I saw someone. This, uh, this old man. And I'm telling you, Sam, it was a spirit. SAM But if there was something there, Dean, I think I would've seen it, too. I mean, I've been seeing an awful lot of things lately. DEAN Well, excuse me, psychic wonder. But you're just gonna need a little faith on this one. Sam, I've been hunting long enough to trust a feeling like this.

psychic wonder :p sam's little pinched face when dean says he needs to have faith lol harrumph. yeah yeah some guy died, but you're fine so let's go!

s1e12 kevin mcnulty as reverend legrange

i did a hiky for kevin mcnulty for is appearance in spn 10x06, he was in the killing and the magicians too

ROY Well, like I said before, the Lord guides me. I looked into your heart, and you just stood out from all the rest. DEAN What did you see in my heart? ROY A young man with an important purpose. A job to do. And it isn't finished.

i don't remember if they go into this any more but i wonder how much of this was hinting at the long game (nevermind roy doesn't actually have any powers that we know of). could work for all manner of points along the story within the s1-5 arc for him though

s1e12 gillian barber as mrs rourke / s12e17 as dr hess / the x-files s2e10 as beth kane / under the banner of heaven s1e4 as sister dorren

she's been in a couple of my things too, including four (4!) episodes of the xfiles and uh, she was dr hess in s12 of spn for 3 episodes?? lol no wonder she was familiar. i guess i didn't look her up

oof, that small "i'm sorry" from sam got me. so this scene originally has don't fear the reaper by blue oyster cult, clip here if interested. i don't know that i think it fits that much better, feels like it's just too cheekily appropriate they had to use it somewhere.

i appreciate the dividers not being some godawful cheesy thing but i'm also laughing at how big this motel room is. and full ass kitchen basically, only vaguely kitchenette in the fact that the fridge and stove are like. 3/4 size. it's a cool set but i often think their motel sets are bonkers in one way or another regardless

SAM Wait, what the hell are you talking about Dean, we can't kill Roy. DEAN Sam, the guy's playing God, he's deciding who lives and who dies. That's a monster in my book. SAM No. We're not going to kill a human being Dean. We do that we're no better than he is. DEAN Ok, we cant kill Roy, we can't kill Death. Any bright ideas, college boy? SAM Ok. uh...If Roy's using some kind of black spell on the reaper, we gotta...figure out what it is. And how to break it.

honestly don't think dean at this point in time would actually jump to killing the human instead of breaking the spell but whatevs :p i can take the somewhat out of character things like dean saying he's proud of sam in s1 and hold tight to them and discard the ones i don't like, like this :P maybe it's because he feels wracked with guilt! who knows!

COP 1 We catch you round here again son, we'll put the fear of God in you, understand? DEAN Yes sir, fear of God. Got it.

can't resist being a smartass to cops

LAYLA I wish you luck. I really do. DEAN Same to you. Layla turns to walk away again. DEAN (under his breath) You deserve it a lot more than me.

sneak in some of that patented dean self loathing

DEAN Desperate. Her husband was dying, she didn't have anything to save him. She was using the binding spell to keep the reaper away from Roy.

sounds familiar 🤔

DEAN May God save us from half the people who think they're doing God's work.

amen to that

just happen to whip up a color picture of dean. wonder if she has a printer or she takes it to the 1 hour photo

and dean doesn't even try to get away from the reaper, like yeah. should be dead anyway, and let layla live. just what he wanted

DEAN We did the right thing here didn't we? SAM Of course we did. DEAN (hanging his head) It doesn't feel like it.

(especially when the right thing means dean gets to live)

DEAN Must be rough. To believe in something so much, and have it disappoint you.

like *cough* your dad?? lol

LAYLA God works in mysterious ways. Goodbye, Dean.

mmmk. the draft script says she kissed him, glad they didn't go there

DEAN Well... I'm not much of the praying type... but... I'm gonna pray for you. LAYLA Well...There's a miracle right there.

🤔 ok lol

physically incapable of shutting up about these early episodes

[cacw]

fatws rewatch thoughts

bucky breaking zemo out of prison was unbelievably dumb. bucky had no real reason to break him out it could have been ANYONE but bucky and it would have worked better. i don't even dislike him being there really it just doesn't make any sense whichever way you look at it. zemo didn't contribute anything worthwhile to the story at all unless you wanna believe that sam and bucky are complete idiots and couldn't manage this themselves. i mean i wouldn't blame you considering that's what the writers themselves seem to think

bucky tells his therapist she's bad at her job (true) but then when sam tells him the exact same shit he eats it up (get better friends bruh). sam down at the VA would not be saying any of this bs man. i can't even believe this was written in. bucky did not have to go and give everyone closure. that is the absolute last thing he should be thinking about. what good does that bring? does that improve any one of these peoples' lives? why is THAT the thing that's supposed to make him feel better? what the hell is wrong with all of you

sam and bucky are both done so unbelievably dirty. how do you fuck up so bad with only 6 episodes

no one is nice to each other and almost every line and character interaction feels so mean spirited. it should have been focused on sam and bucky's relationship and trauma and learning to grow and move past it and be there for each other and Be Kind but it seems like the writers were just trying to wrap up sam and bucky's storyline together as fast as possible

sam obviously does not like bucky. which is fine. but he doesn't trust him and that's the issue i have with it... you've known this guy for years you're not close but he was close with your best friend. he was your best friend's best friend. you put your life on the line to help save this guy. you have fought the same battles. you should KNOW he's trustworthy by now. has this spellman guy ever watched a cap movie because my bet is on no

bucky is never given a chance to breathe. why is bucky not allowed to be upset over what happened to him? why is the only thing in his mind the things he did as the winter soldier? of course of course it's gonna be so hard and it's gonna tear him up inside and that will never go away, but what about the rest. what about the years of brainwashing and torture and constant endless abuse. it's like he's not allowed to really feel

bucky is the show's punching bag for all 6 episodes. he's belittled and made fun of for the winter soldier shit all the time even though timeline wise it's been 9 YEARS since he was active. but it's all anyone knows him as for some reason. why is sam joking about this in front of his family. why is everyone treating him like a wild dog. why is this supposed to be funny

that isn't even mentioning how ooc bucky himself is. freeing zemo/damaging his relationship with the wakandans/rushing into fights/etcetcetc. it never ends. he's powered down both physically and mentally and once again it's a case of Bad Characterization Outside of Cap Trilogy

sam is such a good person. he's incredible. and he could be so much more if the writers had ever given a damn about giving him any real substance at all. does that make sense... it's the same problem they've always had with bucky. they don't know what to do with these characters they're too afraid to commit to anything and they end up neglecting to make their characters Actual Characters

i don't really think i hate john walker as a character as much as i dislike the way he's written (which is a problem i have with every character in this show). he is a product of his environment. it can be interesting. but it's not interesting enough to warrant making bucky look like the resident dumbass in order to make john look more sympathetic in turn

episode 5 (the boat episode) is the only one that's worth anything at all and even then it doesn't get the relationship between sam and bucky right. it's as close as they got but it wasn't enough

everything about this show is so shallow. it's so contrived it feels so pointless in the end because it doesn't REALLY feel like we saw anyone grow. the more i think about this the more i think it should have JUST been about sam. this is supposed to be about him growing into his title but it doesn't feel like anyone actually gained anything from this experience at all

the power broker stuff was dumb

i don't even know where to start with karli

you need to do better feige

[porcupine-girl]

Hidden Blade thoughts!

IT WAS SO GOOD

YIBO WAS SO GOOD

I would've followed a bit better if I understood more about the political landscape of WWII China, but it wasn't too bad. Definitely one of those movies where I want to go back and rewatch it immediately now that I know what I know from the end.

I will put the rest under a cut because very definitely spoilers.

The entire first half, I was kind of confused and disappointed because Yibo's role was barely a background character? I was like... how did he get second billing? How did he catch the critics' attention?

Then he has the scene in the bathroom with his ex-fiance, and from there suddenly he's the main character of the second half of the movie. It's like Tony Leung got half and he got half LOL And he's so damn good in his half.

I don't particularly like or care about fight scenes, but his were so good?? That first one with the bitchslap, he's just explosive. In the bathroom scene he becomes a ticking time bomb that's just waiting for an excuse to go off, and when he does it's breathtaking. But then he manages to just bottle that energy back up as soon as he's done with one fight, and spends the rest of the movie like that. Like every single scene he was in from there on I was convinced he was about to go off and kill someone or at least maim them - he only winds up doing it a few more times, but anytime he's not being violent you can just feel the violence he's bottling up inside radiating out of him. I can 100% see why the NYT chose the words "simmering" and "mesmerizing."

I will admit I might not have been as transfixed during Yibo & Tony's big fight scene (which, the bts is just a tiny clip of a very long scene) if it weren't for the fact that I'd seen the clip of the truck scene so I knew they both survived, so I spent the entire time holding my breath like how the fuck do they both survive this. Like, it just doesn't seem like the kind of fight where one is gonna let the other walk away. But speaking of that...

Two bits my husband and I did not understand by the end:

If Ye was actually on He’s side the whole time, why did they have the huge fight?? Like that seemed way more than necessary just to continue pretending to be on opposite sides. Sure, Ye couldn't have just let He go or vice-versa, but like they both nearly killed the other multiple times, and tbh the only reason Ye survived that fall is movie magic (it might not be wuxia but it did inherit just a smidge from that genre in terms of this fight scene I think). Why such a knock-down drag-out fight if they're actually on the same side? Surely they could've made less look like more.

Then the much smaller thing: Early on, He buys pastries to pass a note to… his wife? It happens so early when you don’t know who anyone is, by the time they come back to it I couldn’t quite remember what had happened. I think it turned out to be his wife. Anyhow, then later the Japanese guy asks what took him so long and he says he was buying dim sum but then produces the pastries??? Why did he say it was dim sum? Such a weird lie to tell when you've got the pastries to show him (I assume He bought two boxes). And the Japanese guy doesn't comment on it or anything. Were the subtitles just mistranslated or something? IDK my husband thought he heard them say dim sum but obviously he wasn't paying close attention to that detail as they were saying it, that was just in retrospect after he realized it wasn't dim sum, so maybe they said something else and it got mistranslated.

Edit: Mystery solved! @trickybonmot says she heard them say 点心 (dianxin), and according to purpleculture.net (whose dictionary is top-notch and I trust way more than Google), that can mean dessert/pastry OR dim sum! So it’s not exactly mistranslated, they just chose the translation that makes less sense to English-speaking audiences.

Overall, btw, the translation was great. SO much smoother and less awkward than literally any TV show I've watched. They had both Mandarin and English subs up the whole time, even when the characters were speaking Japanese or Shanghainese.

It was very violent and there were a lot of things that were highly disturbing in a "horrors of war" kind of way. Like yes some bits were gory but I think the disturbing outweighed the explicitly gory by far.

The nonlinear narrative has gotten mixed reviews; I think it's the kind of thing where if you like that type of storytelling (which I do!) you'll like it and if you don't you won't. If you're neutral idk what you'll think. There were definitely a few times when I wasn't totally sure when we were, but usually it didn't make things outright not make sense. There are also a few scenes that I'm still not sure why we went back to them, but I bet if I rewatched it those choices would make more sense.

It was definitely communist propaganda, but I don't think that was heavy-handed. They just showed the communists as definitely The Good Guys of the war. Obviously Japan was The Bad Guy, but they kind of just pushed the non-communist Chinese nationalists to one side and ignored them? IDK, again I might not understand the politics or get the references well enough to know how they actually handled it, but it mostly seemed like that side was more ignored than, like, actively portrayed as bad the way the Japanese were. It doesn't actually, like, make any claims about why communism is good or anything, it's more like “communists” just happens to be the name of the good guys in this war. The ideology itself makes like one brief appearance when Ye's ex-fiance talks about laborers, and even then she says maybe I'll marry a laborer or an intellectual and I was like 😬 and how did communism work out for the intellectuals in 20-30 years? Not sure if that was actually a subtle dig on Cheng Er's part or not.

Anyhow I am very excited to talk about the movie with anyone who's seen it, or I can answer questions for anyone who hasn't!

[solarlotus]

Anakin

We rewatched The Phantom Menace last night and I tried to very objectively assess Anakin’s character, or rather his character flaws. We hear so much about how Anakin is full of existing character defects, such fear, anger etc. Watching TPM it’s pretty hard to see this. He’s a lovely kid, even more so considering his circumstances. 

Anakin is boastful to Padme, but I read this as he’s trying to impress her, given she’s beautiful, a straneger and he’s low station in life, plus he’s had a sudden sexual awakening! Even if he doesn’t understand that yet, he knows he likes her, even if he doesn’t know why. My son is almost the same age and is the same about a TV cake maker!

Anakin is generous, open, friendly and doesn’t show any fear until he’s in Coruscant and missing his mom in a strange environment. He shows no fear in inviting Qui Gon, Jar Jar and Padme home, he stands up to Sebulba when Jar Jar is is trouble, he has no hestitation in putting himself in harm’s way to help Qui Gon, he’s not afraid of the pod race. So this idea that Anakin is innately fearful I don’t buy. 

Anakin finds it hard to leave his mom as he loves her, this is the most normal thing in the world, most kids would be considerably more upset. I also think given he’s only 9, he does pretty well with the council, 12 adult strangers testing him, he has no parents with him, no experience of anything other than life as a slave on Tatooine. Of course he fears for his mom, they left her in slavery. It would be more worrying if he didn’t miss her. 

I think this is an example of the Jedi confusing not being attached with not having normal emotions, it’s part of the Jedi’s fall from grace and their undoing. They fail to recognise they have drifted into lack of emotion and coldness, rather than compassion without attachment. Anakin’s view on this is clear in AOTC. 

So, they took a sweet, kind boy, who wasn’t riddled with fear and hatred and ended up with AOTC Anakin, who the moment he’s let loose breaks every Jedi rule going and ends up having a murder sprey and getting married. WTF did they do to him in those 10 years?

I do think he’d have been a lot better off with movie Qui Gon, I love Obi Wan, but he was too young and too attached to the code to give Anakin the leeway he needed and too inexperienced in life outside the temple to understand how normal people live and feel. I think Obi Wan is at his best when he loves, when he loves Anakin, Luke and Leia and I think Anakin was great for him, but Anakin needed to be allowed to love and miss his mother. I think Qui Gon would have rescued her, we (my husband and I) think that Qui Gon was getting his feet under the table and quite fancied Shmi anyway! We think he probably has a woman in every port (which Obi Wan disapproves of). 

Anyway, I suppose my rambling is basically wtf did the Jedi do to poor little Anakin? I think my empathy for him is increased as he looks more than a bit like my boy and has that chatterbox mischief about him. Anakin of TPM should have been an engineer and racer, he’d have been brilliant. The Jedi is a monastic order he was totally unsuitable for and nobody except Qui Gon was prepared to bend for Anakin. And Qui Gon’s motivation wasn’t to rescue Anakin for his own good, but because he believed he was the Chosen One, if he was acting in Anakin’s interests he wouldn’t have pushed him to the order. 

[writerbythewater-blog]

Smallville

So I'm rewatching Smallville, and I have to wonder how different the story would have been if Johnathan didn't see Lionel when he looked at Lex. If Lex got to Smallville and the Kent's just said huh guess we have two sons now. Think about it it could have gone something like this.

Lex hits Clark with his car and Clark saves him, because that's what Clark does. Johnathan gets there and he's still harsh with Lex, but his son's hurt Lex can understand that. He gives Clark the truck and instead of sending Clark to give it back Martha and Johnathan go. Martha's worried and wants to make sure Lex is okay, so Johnathan trails along still upset. While there Martha asked when Lionel was going to come check on him, because even if Lex is 21 she still thinks Lionel should check on him. After all if it were Clark in Lex's shoes Martha knows she would drop everything to check on her son, and she can't fathom anyone not doing that. Lex makes some off handed comment about how there's no way his father would check on him over some thing as small as the crash. Johnathan sighs and takes one look at Martha's teary eyes, and he just knows they have two sons.

They sit down and talk about how the truck is nice and they are thankful for it, but Johnathan isn't sure it'll work for farm work. Lex nods and pulls up all the information on it showing the Kents that it's very safe. He knew Clark lived on a farm and he wouldn't have gotten anything that wouldn't work, but if it would make them feel better he could trade it out for something they chose. In the end they trade it and Lex is invited over for dinner that night, and the next, and every night that week he finds himself at the Kent dinner table.

When he offers money to help with the farm Johnathan doesn't get mad he just explains why he doesn't want that. "A parent shouldn't take money from their children after all Lex." That makes Lex pause because sure he was told he couldn't give them money, but he wasn't told he couldn't help. He looks over the farms spending and sells with Martha and together make a plan of how the farm could make more money.

Clark is over at his house most afternoons to get help with his school work, and Lex just so happens to have a tutor over well he just needed to touch up on his own work. The Johnathan's thoughts on Lionel never really change, but they no longer color how he views Lex. Martha however grows to hate Lionel, and it only gets worse after the Level 3 incident. Lionel was willing to let his son die. She almost lost both of her son's, and she hated the man who caused it. When both boys walk out Lex walks right to the Kent's without even a look at his father. He still makes the same promise to the press, but he makes it with Martha and Johnathan at his back.

Johnathan shows him a fathers love with out any of the strings his own fathers comes with, so with he turns Lana down about the movie theater he goes right to Johnathan to talk about it. Of course he wants to help Lana, the Kent's have been helping him find way to help the town since he got there, but he's not sure it a good idea. The two talk it out because really there's no way the theater could reopen as it is, but no one in town would want a parking lot there. It would be an eyesore. Johnathan listens and points out that he's sure Lana is a smart girl who could think of a business plan if Lex sat down with her. "Small town folks don't always think like you Lex."

Lex thinks about it and then calls Lana to set up a meeting, because he's still the business man Lionel made him into. Even if the Kent's love softened the edges just a bit.

Lex would always be a ruthless business man, but he would be a kind man. The kind of man his mother wanted him to be. He would fund the Smallville schools and hospitals, because he cared about the people in town. He would dismantle anyone who tried to hurt his home, or his family.

In time they would have sat down the Kents coming clean about Clark, and yes Lex would be mad at first. He would storm out back to the house his father gave him, and he would spend the night awake thinking. He would remember the man he was when he came to town more his fathers son than his mothers boy, and he would think about what he might have done back then. He would see why they waited and go back in the morning with coffee from the Talon and say sorry.

He would help keep Clark safe and when Clark was ready to go off and save the world. Well Lex had the money to able to follow him, and someone had to look after his little brother.

[stackthedeck]

hi!! I was wondering what happened to your t4t butch dean and trans cas fic?? Im really interested to read it if you still have it! butch dean is WAY to close to my heart. anyways have a nice day! <3

this has been in my ask box for literal months but I've decided to rewatch Supernatural (I'm not well) and I remembered this fic and this ask so... I'll probably never finish the fic or post it on ao3, but I did write this one scene and I like it a lot even though I like to think I'm a better writer now, but I wanna post it.

So for context this is happening in early season 5 where Sam and Dean are separated and also the plan for the fic as a whole was that Cas's complete separation from heaven was also mirrored by her gender journey, so Cas in this doesn't think of himself as a man, but has accepted that people view his vessel as a man and has excepted it. Basically, her egg hasn't cracked yet.

The road has been lonely since Sam left. Good lonely. For the first time in… well ever, Dean’s not playing mom or big sister. She’s just a hunter. A hunter who doesn’t have to look over her shoulder every second to make sure her baby brother isn’t getting maimed or hooked on demon blood. It’s good lonely… kind of.

It’s just that the front seat of the Impala is so empty and no matter how high she cranks the volume, the car just feels so quiet. The road just goes on and on forever. It sucks not having back-up on hunts, but Dean’s capable. According to the angels, she’s too important to die so she’s been pushing her luck lately.

The road hasn’t felt this empty since Dad went missing.

Dean’s pulled from her thoughts by a buzzing in her pocket. She pulls out her phone and sees a familiar number on the screen. The last time Dean ran into Cas, she gave him a burner phone so that they could keep in touch.

“Hello?” She says, phone wedged between his ear and shoulder.

“Dean, it’s Castiel,” Cas’s voice says from the phone, “where are you?”

“On the road.” Dean looks around for a mile marker, but it’s in the dead of night and there are no streetlights. Dean rambles off the interstate road she’s on and takes a wild guess at what mile she’s at. “I can pull off at the next exit if it’s important.”

A woosh of air and a flap of wings reverberate through the car. Dean looks over and Cas is in the passenger seat. “You don’t need to pull off,” Cas says into the phone as he stares at Dean.

Dean huffs and hangs up the phone, shoving it back into her pocket. “Any updates on God?”

“Nothing since the last time I saw you-” Cas sighs and looks out the windshield “-but I’m still looking.”

“If there’s nothing new—” Dean drums her fingers on the steering wheel “—then why are you here?”

Cas does his head tilt and Dean pointedly keeps her eyes on the road. Sure, she finds Cas’s clumsy attempts at expressing emotion cute, but it’s cute like a baby or a puppy. “I sensed that you were lonely.”

Dean raises an eyebrow. “Whatever happened to not perching on my shoulder?”

“Things are different now.” Cas’s words hit Dean’s ears with such certainty and finality, but she doesn’t feel like they’re true. Things are exactly the same. She’s still saving people, hunting things. It’s the family business, just without the family. Okay well, maybe things are different.

Dean does her best to keep her eyes on the road, but the highway is empty at this time of night. It’s so easy to let her eyes drift to the angel in her front seat, silhouetted by moonlight. His face is stone, that typical neutral expression, but Dean can see in his eyes that something is eating at him.

“So sitting here in silence is your grand plan for making me less lonely?” 

Cas shifts in his seat, his tie suddenly becoming very interesting. “Can I ask you a personal question, Dean?”

Dean does her best not to sigh. This better not be a chick-flick moment or worse yet, a Christian movie moment. “I thought you already knew everything about me? What with the rebuilding my soul and all.”

“I want to hear it from you.” Cas drops his tie and meets Dean’s eyes.

Dean nods, pursing her lips. “Alright, shoot.”

“How did you decide to…” Cas hesitates “...decide to… not look like the other females of your species?”

Dean laughs. If Cas had asked her that a month ago, she’d assume he was trying to get her to grow her hair out and start wearing pink. But she trusts Cas, trusts that he likes that humans don’t perfectly line up with God’s vision. “You mean, why am I a lesbian?”

“No, I understand that,” Cas says, “women are very pleasing to look at.”

Dean smiles. She’s surprised that the strip club incident didn’t turn Cas off of women or just humans in general.

“So, why am I butch?”

Cas nods. “Yes, I believe that is the term.”

“I don’t know, I just am.” Dean drums her fingers against the steering wheel. “Sam took a gender studies course when he went off to college, he probably gets this stuff more than I do.”

“Well, I want to hear it from you.”

Dean sighs and rubs at the back of her head. “I don’t know, I guess Dad was a real traditional guy. From what I remember, Mom cooked and cleaned, took care of me and Sammy and Dad went to work. I don’t remember much of Mom, but I remember being in the kitchen with her and her handing me baby Sammy to hold while she was busy. I didn’t mind those things because I was with her, you know?”

Dean stares through the windshield, watching the landscape blur as the car speeds past. “And then Mom died and Dad still went to work. And suddenly it was just me and baby Sam alone in motel rooms for days. I think Dad was so caught up in his revenge that he forgot that Sam and I needed a dad and a mom. So I started cooking and looking after Sam because if I didn’t we’d starve.”

Dean can feel the words spilling out of her like a busted dam. She’s never told anyone any of this, but now that she is, she can’t stop.

“I think Dad expected me to be the new mom. He’d come back to the motel rooms from hunts or from bars and be furious if there wasn’t something to eat. And it’s not like he ever went grocery shopping. He’d just leave a credit card—that barely ever worked by the way—or cash and expect me to figure it out! I couldn’t stand that he treated me like his little wife. Then, Sam started looking at me like I was his mom and not his big sister.

“It didn’t help that I looked like Mom. I have her eyes, you know. And when I was younger I had long curly blonde hair. Sam liked to brush it, which was good because I didn’t. I think it was soothing for him or something, but that’s probably why he keeps his hair long now.”

Dean’s rambling. She knows she is and she’s doing it on purpose because she doesn’t want to say what comes next. Cas’s eyes are fixed on her, but Dean’s not taking her eyes off the road. She could stop talking, change the subject, or give an easy answer. But if she doesn’t tell Cas right now, she’ll never tell anyone. And it’ll just keep festering and rotting inside of her.

“Dad would run his hands through my hair and tell me how pretty I was when he was drunk. It creeped me out, always made my skin crawl. He never… you know… did anything. He’d look at me the same way he looked at old pictures of Mom. I know it’s not true, or at least I don’t believe it’s true, but I feel like he only saw Mom when he looked at me. I wasn’t his daughter, I was the ghost of his dead wife. A ghost that he couldn’t salt and burn.

“And he treated me like I was going to go up in flames like Mom. For god’s sake, Sam learned to shoot a gun before I did! Dad wouldn’t take me on hunts, wouldn’t train me because if I was alive he could pretend she was too. One day I couldn’t take it anymore. I stole Dad’s clippers and buzzed my head.

“And boy, was Dad mad.” Dean winces, squeezing the steering wheel until her knuckles turn white. “He was really mad. But suddenly, he didn’t care if I went up in flames. He put a gun in my hands and took me on hunts. And it felt amazing.”

Dean smiles at the memory of the first time Dad clapped her on the back and bought her a slice of pie after a successful hunt. She can still feel that warm swell of pride after her first ghost, first vampire, first demon.

“My hair started growing out and it looked bad, like so bad. But Dad started hiding his clippers so I just had to let it grow out. Then one day he dropped me and Sam off at Bobby’s place and he took one look at me and gave me my first crew cut.”

Dean looks at herself in the rearview mirror. It’s kind of embarrassing that she’s had the same haircut since she was fifteen, but if it ain’t broke. “I remember looking at myself in the mirror and thinking, that’s me. I didn’t look like Mom anymore, I was just me for the first time.”

Dean feels wetness on her cheek and realizes that she’s crying. They’re not tears of sadness but of relief. Man, it feels so good to get all that off her chest. But still, she always ends up crying around Cas and she really can’t make a habit out of this.

“Thank you for telling me that, Dean.” Cas’s eyes aren’t trained on Dean but on his own reflection in the windshield. “I suppose I just have one more question.”

Dean shakes her head but smiles. Might as well continue this chick-flick moment. “Go ahead.”

“How does Dorothy shorten to Dean?” Cas tilts his head. “I’m unfamiliar with the nuances of human languages.”

Dean laughs at that, a good hard laugh that echoes through the car. “It doesn’t, not really.” Dean claps a hand on Cas’s shoulder, unable to stop grinning. “Sam was a little shit when I buzzed my head and he called me random boy names to get under my skin. I always liked those old cowboy movies so, whenever we’d play cowboys, Sam called me James Dean. The joke stuck and now I’m just Dean.”

“Huh,” Cas says, “you’ll have to show me those movies sometime. I’ve never seen a movie.”

“I’ll hold you to that, Cas,” Dean says, “we’ll have a girls’ night, paint our nails and watch cowboy movies.”

He’s joking but Cas doesn’t get jokes. “I would like to do this girls' night with you.” That’s a hint of an excited smile on Cas’s face and it makes Dean’s heart flutter. In the same way that puppies or babies make her heart flutter, of course.

“It’s getting late,” Cas says, turning towards Dean, “you should stop and get some rest.”

Dean shakes her head and sighs. It is late, really late, and she’d kill for a bed right now. “Wish I could Cas, but there aren’t exactly a lot of motels around.”

Cas frowns, furrowing his eyebrows. “I could drive,” he says after a moment of thinking, “and you can sleep in the backseat.”

Dean cocks an eyebrow. “You ever driven before?”

“No,” Cas says, “but I’m an angel of the lord, it can’t be that hard.”

“Tell you what,” Dean chuckles, “you give me an angel blade, and I’ll let you drive.”

“Dean, we’ve talked about this.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

…

When God created the angels he named them. Each name was unique and divine, but it also gave God power over the angels. The angels did not have the power to create, to choose so they took the names with gratitude. When Lucifer rebelled, he took new names: Satan, Morning Star, The Evil One, and many others. Castiel has not rebelled against God, just against heaven. When he finds God all will be set right. Castiel is keeping his name as a promise. He has not fallen…just questioning.

Castiel may see the importance of names, but the Winchesters do not. Sam is not Samuel, the name his mother gave him to honor his grandfather, he’s Sam or Sammy, or a million other strange words that Dean hurls at him. Dean is not Dorthy, the name her father gave her to honor her grandmother, she’s Dean. Cas is not Castiel anymore, he’s Cas and so much more.

Dean’s been calling Castiel Cas since their second meeting, it’s just a shortened version of his name; it’s not a big deal. But then… Cas is sitting in a diner with the Winchesters late one night, trying to track down the horsemen. The siblings are eating burgers and Cas has one in front of him too. He doesn’t need to eat, he's an angel, but he’s curious. He’s curious about a lot of things lately.

“Pass the ketchup, Cassie,” Dean says through a mouthful of food.

“What?” Cas looks up from contemplating his burger to stare at Dean.

“I said pass the ketchup?” Dean frowns, but then just reaches across Cas’s chest to grab the bottle at the end of the table. “Never mind, I got it.”

“No-” Cas swallows nervously “-I mean what did you call me?”

Dean and Sam put down their food and exchange glances. “...Cassie?” Dean says slowly.

Cas still doesn’t understand facial expressions. Humans read so far into a tiny movement of facial muscles. So he keeps his face very still. When Castiel was just a fledgling, Gabriel, Balthazar, and the other older angels would call him Cassie. Fledglings weren’t ready for the full responsibility of their names, so it made sense. But Gabriel continued to call him that well into his adulthood. It was sweet, made Cas feel seen and seen by someone so powerful and important as an archangel. And then Lucifer fell and angels got much more serious about names.

“It’s like Sammy,” Dean says, awkwardly bumping her shoulder into Cas, “are you good with that?”

Cas looks between Dean and Sam, unsure of what to say. He’s created tension, he can feel it, but he’s not sure how to fix it.

“Hey don’t worry about it, Cas,” Sam says a little too loudly, “you’re a grown man and it’s weird to be called something like Cassie or Sammy.” He shoots a tight-lipped frown at Dean.

“Bitch.” Dean reaches across the table to steal fries off Sam’s plate.

“Jerk!” Sam attempts to swat Dean’s hand away, but misses and Dean ends up trying to stick her tongue out at Sam and eat fries at the same time.

“I’m not a man, I’m an angel,” Cas says, looking toward Sam. “But, it’s fine,” he says, mostly to prevent any more petty squabbling. The nickname is a sign of sibling affection, both in heaven and on earth. It doesn’t matter that the way Dean said it makes his heart race and his mind reel. “Cassie is fine.”

“Well, Cassie-” Dean smiles at him “-are you going to eat that?” She doesn’t wait for a response, just snatches the burger off his plate.

And the things Dean calls him only got worse from there.

…

When Cas first met Dean, she accused him of being a “prince charming” and at the time Cas wasn’t sure what that meant, but he’s starting to get the picture. Something about saving someone only to be rewarded with a relationship. That’s not Cas.

He’s in the far corners of the globe looking for God, when he hears Dean’s voice. It’s a quiet voice in his head, but it is powerful and desperate. A prayer. Cas is close to God, he can feel it. If he just keeps going a little longer, he’ll finally make it. But Dean’s voice is in the back of his mind, calling, pleading.

Cas flies to Dean without another second of hesitation. As he gets closer, the details of the situation flood into his mind in an instant. From a human perspective, Dean and Sam are in the basement of an abandoned mansion, surrounded by people, baring gruesome smiles with knives and fists drawn. From Cas’s perspective, Dean and Sam’s souls shine in a haze of demon smog. Dean’s the brightest, familiar in it’s golden hue.

“Cas, we could use some angel mojo down hear!” Dean shouts, voice thick with blood. “...Please!”

The demons laugh like in a chorus of gnashing teeth. One steps forward, kicking Sam—who’s barely clinging to consciousness on the floor—as he moves to grab the front of Dean’s shirt.

“Scream all you like, little girl,” the demon whispers, his breath hot against Dean’s face. “The angels don’t take calls from the likes of you.”

Cas appears suddenly, hand on the demon’s head, smiting the creature inside its meat suit. Dean actually smiles when she sees him, not even looking at the shell of the demon that falls to the floor.

“You came,” She says, unaware that it holds the same power as a prayer.

Another round of hideous laughter comes from the gaggle of demons. “Oh, how the mighty fall,” another demon cackles.

Cas’s stomach drops. He’s not fallen, he’s still doing God’s will. How can protecting Dean not be his purpose?

“Dean Winchester,” the demon continues, “damsel in distress waiting for a prince to save her.”

Dean, despite three broken ribs, a twisted ankle, and several lost liters of blood, sprints at the demon, burying the knife in his chest. She moves to attack the next closest one, limping as the adrenaline wanes. Even so, she’s a machine and Cas watches her with aw.

“Cas,” Dean shouts, “a little help here!”

Cas bolts into action, smiting demons almost as fast as Dean can stab them. Once they’ve killed all the demons, Cas stands with his arms pressed to his side, watching Dean pull her knife from the final demon’s throat.

“I’m sorry,” Cas says.

Dean places a hand on her chest, cradling her broken ribs. “For what? You totally saved our asses there.”

“I do not wish to belittle you,” Cas says, “what that demon said, if I ever—”

“Can it, princess,” Dean says, “it wouldn’t be the first time a demon tried to get under my skin.”

Cas nods then steps forward with his hand raised to heal Dean. She nods back and that’s all the permission he needs to press his fingers to her forehead, healing her instantly.

Sam groans from the floor.

Dean jumps away from Cas, staring at her brother. “Umm, maybe take care of him too.”

“Yes, please,” Sam gasps, weakly wiping blood from his mouth.

Cas leans down, healing Sam as well. Sam stumbles to his feet, glaring at Cas. 

“Did you seriously heal her first?” Sam scoffs. “After she called you princess?”

“I did not!” Dean says.

“You totally did,” Sam says. “Cas, you’re just going to take that?”

Cas cast his eyes downward. He didn’t take any insult from it, but it seems he should have. “I am still unaware of human social rules, but Dean has made it clear that I am not to be her prince charming.”

“Yeah don’t be friggin’ sexist, Sammy.” Dean walks over, swinging an arm around Cas’s shoulder. “Cas is our princess in shining armor.”

“I believe I am wearing a trench coat.”

After the incident, Dean teases Cas by calling him princess. It’s just another nickname that makes its way into the many the Winchesters use for him. For the first month, Sam tries to get Dean to cut it out, but eventually, he gives up. Cas thought that Dean would drop it once it no longer annoyed her brother. It’s only when he has this thought does he realizes he doesn’t want her to stop. 

But she never does.

…

“Hey, angel,” Dean greets, shoving his shoulder the same way he shoves Sam.

“I don’t understand,” Cas says, “I do not call you human.”

“She’s flirting with you,” Sam shouts from over the impala.

“Bitch,” Dean shouts back.

“Jerk.”

Cas looks down at his vessel. He doesn’t like it being called angel, there is nothing divine about this meat suit—as Dean so often calls it—it simply carries his grace while he’s on earth.

“Cas? Earth to Cas? Cas?”

Cas startles, looking up to realize he had tuned out another Winchester argument. “What?”

“You don’t mind when I call you angel, right?” Dean says with a smirk. “You think I’m funny right?”

Cas stares into Dean’s eyes, swallowing thickly. A part of him knows—no, hopes that Dean does not see his body as him. Perhaps she knows better than anyone that what body one happens to inhabit does not define them.

“I don’t mind your nicknames, Dean,” Cas says, “but I do not find them funny.”

…

“Dean, I feel ridiculous,” Cas says through the door.

Dean waits in the hallway outside of Cas’s room.

“No you don’t,” she says, “you’re just worried I’ll think you like ridiculous.”

“What’s the difference?”

Dean chuckles at that, shaking her head.

“How do you feel, Cas?”

The door opens and Cas steps out.

“...I feel good,” she says.

She’s dressed much the same way she did when she thought she had to present her vessel as a man. But now with all the angels locked in heaven and Cas is very human, her body isn’t a vessel. It’s her. They’ve traded the slacks for a pencil skirt and nylon tights and replaced the shirt and tie with a white blouse. She’s been growing her hair out since she turned human, mostly by accident, it’s still not as long as she’d like it, but it will be. Dean’s been helping her get a smooth shave every morning and showing her what lotions to use to keep her skin soft. But Dean was never great at being a girl, so what perfume and makeup to use has been left to Google. They’re working on getting her on HRT, but it’s not like they have insurance. They have also considered a couple of spells too.

And she’s still wearing the same trench coat.

“How do I look?” Cas asks.

Dean steps forward, taking her hands in hers. She plants a kiss on her lips, soft and sweet with lipgloss.

“Like a baby in a trench coat,” Dean says, “my baby.”