Lately I am in such an incredibly back and forth flux of
I am so under valued and unappreciated
And
LOL you and your art/designs aren’t special or even good get real. Absolutely 0 companies are noticing you let alone want you.
Had a genuinely lovely day collaborating with the rest of the fine art team- my people through and through. If this was work all the time, I wouldn’t dream of leaving. But it’s not. It’s once in a blue moon.
I’m not even sure I should leave. I got it in my head that I want to. But do I really want to upend the steadfast security of this job? A place where my peers know and respect me? Nobody questions me but higher ups ignore my attempts to change things that need changing.
Though to be real, the county over is at a budget deficit and attempting to furlough teachers. So. That’s no fun.
I’m really good at this job- why do they have to keep making it harder and more stressful despite me pointing out ways to NOT DO THAT
For me OR the kids for fucks sake!
Everyone at my school is teaching way more courses than is historically normal and I just feel like this is the beginning of a slippery slope
But it’s also a slope I’m familiar with, at least?
It’s extremely hard to fire me, ten years in with tenure and a good reputation. But how much more bullshit is going to be shoved our way? I have two kids with major medical concerns this round and god knows that’ll be great for what is likely CPTSD from mom being chronically and unstably ill all of my life.
Ahhhhh?????????!!!!!
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Frankly I don’t get why queer men are seen as less masculine than straight men. If you put a man inside another man, that’s an exponential amount of manliness right there. Manhood Squared if you will. Queer men are the turduckens of masculinity, this is just math idk what to tell you 🤷🏻♀️
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Last night on top of everything I was crumbling over the fact that I work 6 days a week, sometimes 10-12 hour days and I’m always so broke. I got a pretty crushing rejection that went something like old white people don’t see the “fine art” of my work and that felt like a huge blow because it’s the reality that as a black woman in textiles people don’t take my art seriously. A customer asked yesterday if my “tie dye” was “just a hobby” and that almost sent me over the edge
I know I need to find a way to work less and be less critical of everything I do but how do I do that when I can barely afford to live and pay for my craft
I feel like I need a break but don’t know how to get it and I’m sick of these other basic white queers getting admiration for their work when I’m constantly passed over. I don’t know what work I need to put in
I guess I need to recognize that I’ve only been doing this art for two years and I’ve come a long way and need to be proud of that
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I have a really vivid memory of being like around 7 and having to do some kind of “mental health/social studies” class thing, I think mostly “how to manage your emotions” or “how does your body react to X emotion?” and stuff like that, and I remember it was mostly just questions like, “what do you do when you’re angry to manage it?” or “how does your body feel when you’re anxious?” or “who do you ask for help from when you need it?”
And I can’t remember exactly what answers I put but I just remember almost every time, the teacher coming round, looking at what I wrote and going “ummm no I don’t think that’s right 🥰” and NEVER elaborating and just moving on to everyone else’s and going “yes, that’s right!”
I have one memory of stopping the teacher and going “but why” and she just said “It just isn’t!” and then when 7 year old me went “but why” again, she just walked away
?????? I would LOVE to know what I wrote because I am 100% certain childhood me was completely and utterly truthful but also, what was the point in that mandatory class if you’re not going to explain to the kids you’re teaching why how they’re processing their emotions or interacting with the world is wrong
Anyway Alexa play Willard! by Will Wood
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Me, rambling in a random ass post: “God it’s real annoying how some Americans are centring themselves when it comes to the Canadian wildfires, meanwhile whole Indigenous communities are being uprooted across Canada as their homes burn. Anyways, here’s a charity you can donate to.”
Some random American woman in my notifs: “HoW dArE yOu TeLl Me NoT tO mAkE tHiS aBoUt MeEeEe!!1!”
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