#why jay is the only person in the world and if you dont love him on purpose but also because you cant help loving him because he is | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

boyfiejay · 4 months

Text

I love my girlfriend

PAIRING : Enhypen hyung line x female Youtuber! Reader

GENRE : fluff, bullet point

Warning : curse words, me rizzing up the reader😔

Word Count : 0.9k overall

Author's Note : this was long overdue☝🏻

Heeseung ☆

you're one of those underrated artists, that are underrated due to one sole reason

it's better to gatekeep a talented artist

yk the way some fans get sad that their favourites are now on everyone's fyp

yeah your fandom in a nutshell

they also thirst over you non stop

I mean you are stunning, gorgeous, beautiful, enchanting

just date me pookie

you used to be a youtuber before the music career fyi

imagine your fans' dilemma (dimension?) when you say out of nowhere that you have a bf

‘guys, my boyfriend sent me this :D’

and it's a silly picture of two cats or smtg

like your fans are fighting a fucking war on twt

and you are like cuddling with hee, listening to unreleased songs

you have no clue of what's going on

meanwhile heeseung…

he's ready to fight the war

posts a picture of you kissing his cheek on your insta story

he makes sure that only 1/4th of his face is visible

to keep his identity anonymous yk

…

your fans find his acc in 15 mins

he panics definitely 😭

tells you his innuendo after you wake up

and you're just like

‘yeah ok, sure’

WHY ARE YOU SO CHILL??

your boyfriend is getting deep fried on twt and you're like ‘el oh el’

dw your fans mean no harm

after a while they're like

‘they're cute tgt ig 😒’

Jay ☆

you're like a cooking channel

STAY W ME IK IT SOUNDS BASIC

you're like a blogger who blew up one day

because you're just soso pretty😻

alright anyways, your channel is focused around learning to cook

it's so chaotic sometimes

bcz you don't know shit about cooking

sorry if you do, let's pretend you don't >.<!!

you have almost killed yourself a dozen times

at some point people are like

‘??? how is she alive’

all thanks to your almost professional chef boyfriend

but no one has to know that ;)

anyways on like a milestone or something, you decide to cook blindfolded

bae you can barely cook with eyes open

your followers are concerned bro

like their blood pressure is rising by the minute

and like a holy light in the midst of the darkness

Jay stepped in, to save you from killing yourself fr this time

Your fans are seriously jumping around, squealing bcz he's just so soft and gentle to you :(((

but then they snap out and pretend to be angry

and you're like ‘meet my boyfie :3’

jk your fans love you two

like almost obsessed

also they're always sliding in Jay's dms

like I get it mans fine af but he's also taken

and also absolutely whipped for you 🤭

it's your world and we're just living in it…

Jake ☆

you are a gamer/streamer

your whole fan base is delusional

like so delusional, there are like hundreds and thousands of accounts claiming to be your bf/gf

but the iconic one ‘ynsboyfie’ is everywhere

like that acc is the most iconic thing in your lore

they are always there, no news of yours goes past them

always donating in your streams

and one day…

you forget to log in your priv acc

so your official acc has the comment

‘babe, you're so sweet ☹️🩷’

replying to ‘YNSBOYFIE’

???

oh your fans are livid

jokingly ofc

or maybe not

everyone on twt is like

‘who is this bitch???’

everyone hoping for his downfall

then you drop his pic

THE SWITCH UP IS INSANE

‘oh, oh, he's fiiine😏’

like I can't blame them, that's jake

but still they're supposed to be your fans

fucking snitches

my bae, pookum shmookum I would never

your fans love him

but also bully him calling him a lewser

hes so down bad he had a fan page for you

i dont blame him, i too would fangirl over you 😼

Sunghoon ☆

you're like a fitness channel

like those ones that have insane challenges

and your famous in people who have no interest in working out too

your face reveal went so viral, almost every single person knew your face

also your workouts (even tho deadly) always work so fast

people are in love with your figure and just you in general

you also upload mini vlogs once in a while

in these vlogs people noticed someone always being around you and in the back of the frame

at first they were like

‘obsessed fan😨’

but then they saw you laughing along with him in another clip

from the small clips, people couldn't see his face (bcz it's blurred) but omg the figure

the biceps, the buff and tall guy immediately steals everyone hearts

it's obvious from the clips that you're close with him

so naturally you are asked who he is and you just laugh

???

people are losing their minds woman

and you're just like ‘hehe’

they continue seeing him in your vlogs and in one clip you could see him putting his hands on your waist while you squat

you have no reaction to that

but twt…

he's getting dragged even though half of the people have no clue what's going on

you decide to take matter in your hands

and post this

with the caption ‘he's my boyfriend everyone :3’

the internet breaks

Sunghoon doesn't do his face reveal for a long time js bcz he doesn't feel like it yk

but when he does

good lord…

your fans love him

they also love how he glares at people who look at you the wrong way

you never notice that for some reason

667 notes · View notes

lit3rallyll0yd · 1 month

Text

dating the ninja: series (headcanons) | lloyd garmadon , jay walker x reader<3 ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

a/n: theres a word limit, and i dont have enough space to add all the ninjas in one whole post, so we're doing this in parts of two. hence; series! part one will be lloyd and jay :) also this is mostly my old writing, words may not be spelled correctly.

warnings: none really, more like i cant remember lol

just enjoy (╥﹏╥)

· It took him so long to consider liking you. He's been through so much, especially after Harumi, he's scared to fall in love again.

· But he's been with you, even before Harumi and he knows you're not a bad person. He just has some trust issues her's trying t deal with.

· Harumi kinda broke him :/

· After considering his crush on you, it was Jay and Kai's mission to make him confess to you. Nya was with you on the other end. You told her you liked Lloyd for while and she had the biggest, dorkiest smile on her face as she squealed and hugged you.

· When Jay confessed to her, she was speechless, she can only imagine the pain you feel not being able to tell the person you liked them.

· Confessing to you was the hardest thing he's ever had to do. He would stammer on his words, make weird Lloyd noises like groans or whines when he messed up on a simple sentence, and his face would be as red as a tomato.

· You felt stunned when Lloyd stood in front of you waiting for a response. You would say nothing but give him a hug and said 'I love you too, Lloyd.' and he had tears of joy falling from his eyes.

· Nya, Kai, and Jay would be in the back hiding, spying on the too. When they say them hug and kiss each other on the lips, Jay jumped out a screamed "LET'S GOO!!"

· Durning the relationship, Lloyd would be the sweetest boyfriend even though he has no clue what he's doing. He wants to give you the world, but has no idea how to do that.

· He's also not the best with PDA. He's never received much as a kid, so he gets a bit jumpy when someone hugs him by surprise or when he holds someone for a certain amount of time.

· Comic store dates>>>

· He has no idea how to plan a date, so he normally asks if you want to go to the comic book store with him and you'll go from there.

· One time a date ended with you both getting ice cream and taking a walk around the beach docks. Wanting to take a peaceful selfie of you and him and a sudden seagull came and snatched his ice cream right out of his cone, hitting him in the face.

· You now have a photo of a burry Lloyd losing a fight to a seagull while your in the back scared but laughing at the same time.

· You taught Lloyd how to ride a bike. When he was still younger you noticed how little he knew about riding a bike, so when he grew you were able to show him and he got a little bit embarrassed when the guys found out.

· When you both sleep, Lloyd's normally the first to wake up but he's g r u m p y !!!

· He wakes up because of training and because of that he's kinda forgotten how to sleep in in the mornings. Hence why's he's so tired in the mornings and sometimes afternoons?

· He's also nervous to cuddle you while you sleep, but it's cute when they guys catch him snuggling into him like a cat in the mornings. He tends to cuddle into you during your and his sleep, it's so cute to catch.

· Did I mention he's a cat person? Lol

· Run your fingers through his hair, tell him he's worth it, just make him feel proud of himself and he'll be wrapped around your finger just like that.

· He's willing to do anything for you, do the same for him!

· Non-stop kisses. Whenever he sees you you better be ready to be bombarded by kisses to the lips, cheeks, nose, and even forehead from the Lightning Ninja!

· He likes to sneak up behind you and give you surprise kisses on the cheek. He loves seeing the way you jump forward when he scares you and when he sees that blush that forms on your face? He's gonna 'awe' at it and poke your cheek.

· He was the first one to confess to you. It was actually not planned out even though he did plan it out with the help from Kai and Cole, but of course, it backfired during a 'date' Kai and Cole made up for the two of you.

· He ended up blurbing it out all in one breath-

· "Y/NITHINKYOURTHEMOSTAMAZINGPERSONINTHEWORLDANDIDONTKNOWWHATIWOULDOIFINNEVERMETYOU!YOURTHEBESTPERSONIHAVEEVERMETANDIWANTEDTOTELLYOUILOVEDYOUFORSOLONGBUTIDIDN'TKNOWIFYOUFELTTHESAMEFORME!SOIUNDERSTANDIFYOU-"

· You shut him by placing a gentle kiss on his lips, pulling away, and giving him the sweetest of smiles. "I love you too, JJ."

· The amount of confidence he's got now because of that moment>>

· Kai got a bit jealous when he was told Jay was able to get himself a lover before him, and Jay took advantage of that always giving you a quick kiss on the lips when Kai walks by, wrapping an arm around your waist during movie night and seeing the angry look Kai gave him.

· Jay never felt more pleased- PFT

· Kai soon found Skylor and his jealousy was soon gone.

· Dates happen more often than you think. He takes you to the movies, gets some food, but he's sometimes broke and only has enough for take-out and you both sit in your room in your apartment and watch some Netflix.

· You both like to help PIXAL repair some of the vehicles. The Bounty is the main vehicle you repair. The Super Sonic Radar is also one of them and Jay adores the time you both have while PIXAL'S basically third-wheeling.

· If you go to school, Jay loves to walk with you. He'll offer to carry your bags, books, heck he even offered to carry you!

· When you make it to school, Jay acts like it's the last time he'll ever see you again.

· 'Do you haaave to go? I'll be alone allll day without your cuddles."

· He gave you the cutest of puppy dog eyes, but you tried to endure it and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, "I'll be back later, Jay. Don't get your bolts in a knot!"

· You came back and he tackles you, every daywhen you come home it's adorable.

· His favorite place to kiss you has got to be your nose. The way it scrunches up is so cute he can kiss it all day. His hands are on your cheeks, but they're sometimes also in your hair or hands.

· He's a cuddle bug, if you haven't already known, he can hug you all day and he will! One morning he refused to remove himself from your touch, so he rolled onto your back and you struggled to stand up...but once you did you basically gave him a piggyback ride until it was time to train.

· For breakfast he just chewed on a piece of buttered toast and Zane was not pleased. He told Jay to eat a proper breakfast but Jay was too into the toast and your warm touch to listen to the Nindroid.

· Speaking of mornings, Jay takes up almost the entire bed it's so hard to share one with him, but you're able to somehow get some room, but his hand is smacking you in the face and his legs are tangled with yours. Thank god you are used to it.

· When he wakes up there's drool on the sheets but he just wipes it down with his hands and turns back onto his back where he accidentally pushes you off the bed now he's awake when he hears a loud thud and you standing up with a scream causing him to scream.

· You rarely cuddle in the morning because one Jay pushed you out of bed and two you're both wide awake.

· He uses such dorky nicknames like, what??

· " Hey Cutie Patootie! "Snuggle Muffin"

( or if your a boy )

· "Mister Man" "Baby Boy"

· He's cringe but that's okay

132 notes · View notes

nhularin · 1 year

Text

1 STEP FORWARD, 3 STEPS BACK

PAIRING bf! jay x reader GENRE toxic! relationship, angst no comfort WARNINGS insecurities,there might be some grammar mistakes WC 0.9k series masterlist

December 12, 2001

"so, how was your day?"

you looked at him, your voice soft as you asked. you and your boyfriend sat in his car, the air thick with tension. but jays response was anything but kind. his eyes narrowed as he looked straight ahead of the road, his voice filled with bitterness. "fine" he spit out and silence fell upon you once again

no, it's back and forth, did I say something wrong?

the tone of his voice made you recoil, your heart sinking. it was a typical thursday night and you haven't seen each other outside of school in what felt like forever. you had only wanted to check up on him, to show him that you cared about his well being. but his words sliced through you like a dagger, leaving you feeling small and insignificant.

"thats great!" you tried to sound cheerful, but your voice betrayed you when those words came out quieter and wobblier than expected. you looked outside of the passenger seat's window, attempting to ignore the unbearable silence in the car. you could hear the joy and euphoria from passing cars and you couldn't help but feel jealousy radiating through you

All I did was speak normally, somehow I still struck a nerve

"why are you always so sensitive?" jay continued, his voice dripping with disdain. "you make everything about yourself. cant you see that I have my own problems to deal with?"

jay could feel your discomfort, he had to. hell, the passing cars could probably feel it "dont be like this" he said, sighing heavily "why do you always ask me that? you saw me at school. did you see me crying? no. so dont ask obvious shit when you already know the answer."

your eyes welled up with tears, voice trembling. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I just-" you paused, feeling your throat close up "we haven't hung out in a while and i just wanted to make sure that you were fine"

jay scoffed, his anger intensifying. "you think you can solve all my problems with a simple question? youre so naive. you don't understand anything. fine, coach Madson was a fucking asshole today but i knew you wouldn't understand. isnt a simple 'fine' enough? all you know is how to break out in song and dance with your theater friends"

im the love of your life until I make you mad

your heart shattered as his words echoed in your mind. you had hoped for a moment of connection, a chance to offer support. but instead, you found yourself facing his anger, his frustration, and his complete lack of empathy.

you longed for affection, for those sweet words of love to fall from his lips. but instead, you were met with a wall of unpredictability. one moment, he would hold your hand and make you feel like the most special person in the world. the next, he would push you away, leaving you wondering where you went wrong.

every little thing you did seemed to set him off, like a ticking time bomb ready to explode. his anger was swift and cutting, leaving you feeling small and insignificant. it was a rollercoaster of emotions, and you couldn't help but question if he truly loved you.

jays grip on the wheel tightened even further as you reached a familiar intersection. the red light seemed to mock your mess of a relationship, the halted traffic mirroring your damaged connection.

as the light turned green, he pressed down on the gas pedal, your heart pounding heavily in your chest. the car lurched forward, the engine roaring, but the noise was nothing compared to the deafening silence between you two. the streets blurred as you sped through the night.

in that moment, you realized that jay wasn't capable of providing the love and understanding you have craved. he was a storm of emotions and absolutely unpredictable, lashing out at anyone who dared to get close.

on your late night drives, you would often find yourself bracing for impact. would jay walk you home, or would he send you home crying again? it was a cruel game of chance, and you were trapped in its endless cycle.

"look" he sighed "im sorry for lashing out, im just stressed with-" he paused longer than expected "practice, AP calc, everything, okay? its nothing personal"

his apology didnt change the storm of emotions forming inside you but you tried to tame it as best as possible, trying to look unbothered by his constant outbursts of hatred.

when did it all go wrong? you have known him since forever, his toothy grin and messed up bangs permanently engraved in your head. you managed to form an awkward smile "its okay" its always okay, as long as you were with him

do you love me, want me, hate me?

finally, you arrived at your house, and jay pulled over. the quiet and calm suburb contrasting the chaos in your head. the car idled, the engine still rumbling.

there was a moment of silence, a moment where the weight of your emotions hung in the air. and then, without another word, jay reached over and opened the car door. his gesture made you feel giddy and hope filled your heart. as you stepped out, you gave him your biggest smile

"ill see you tomorrow, text me, okay? i love you"

he didnt say it back nor did he message you that night

no, I don't understand

PERM TAGLIST @misokei @avocarua @sngvhs @essmarye @haechansbbg

SERIES' MASTERLIST @flwerfield @hyhees @mrchweeee @j1nniee @mikaluvsyouu @delulu4-life @mora134340 @beomsbeanie @leep0ems @cIphantom-hive @yla-aira @filmofhybe @nishik1

580 notes · View notes

kindaasrikal · 3 months

Text

Guys I’m an old people defender i wholeheartedly believe Wu is a good teacher and person (teen wu and younger was a good character, older wu doesnt have the same effect tho and just falls under a decent character)

Like guys he didn’t mean for Morro to go insane over the green ninja thing, i dont think anyone would’ve expected that to happen with a damn baby. Not to mention that as much as people like to say he abused or neglected Morro or whatever, canonically speaking he hasn’t. In the end what happened to Morro was the effect of his own insecurities and Wu’s lack of understanding.

Wu was not at fault for the whole kai getting obsessed with the green ninja thing or any of the other ninja doing the same, that was all their own faults for being all nosy (as teenage boys with too much power do.)

Wu might’ve overreacted after finding out what Garm did with the letter business in season 4, but just cause he cussed out his BROTHER once (guys they’re siblings, this is the norm and Wu was fully justified to be irritated. Also there will always be a tension between them because they’ve had to fight against each other for either decades, hundreds of years, or thousands of years. They will never have the normal sibling relationship they once only somewhat had.) that was still his brother he just lost and definitely feels guilt at not getting to reconcile PROPERLY with him. Just because you are mad at an individual, genuinely mad at them, does not mean you hate them.

Wu was not at fault for the whole Garmadon getting sent to the under world his clothes literally starts glowing mf was not planning that. He was literally about to die because of Garmadon i think he was a tad preoccupied with that.

Wu is not at fault for Lloyd becoming the green ninja, its shown that he cannot control who gets chosen and was quite obviously hoping it would be the damn teenagers trained to deal with this, not the damn baby who would have to fight his DAD. The whole reason he trained Lloyd so hard after was because he is well aware of how being the green ninja is a curse, especially to Lloyd. He knew a target was on Lloyds back now and for the rest of time and he can do nothing to remove it, only help Lloyd in handling it.

Aspheera is a huge SOGGY BISCUIT I HATE HER I AHTE HEERYEYYE. She is so hypocritical and its all her fault and not Wu’s don’t even try it (i love her character thats why i hate her sm). Wu was literally a baby when the whole betrayal thing happened, and how could he have known his damn students would open up her prison cell and she’d take Kai’s power. Kai had a right to mad about getting dragged into it but even he admits he was reacting the way he was because his powers got stolen. Aspheera was completely at fault for what happened to her.

I wont deny that whatever was going on between Misako and Wu in the early seasons was super weird, but I’m also not going to call it betrayal or cheating for Garmadon because Garmadon had been gone for a good decade and tbh it was rlly bad writing of writers trying to shove romance everywhere.

He took in a bunch of teenagers, thats something i wont deny to also be bad. But don’t you find it convenient that Wu took them each in during separate times of need? Cole, deep in grief, needed to become a ninja because it completed him. Jay, desperate for a place and purpose in this world, needed to be a ninja to become confident and aware of his worth. Zane, confused and lost, needed to be a ninja to find his own place in the world, needed to be a ninja because he needed to have a purpose, a home. Kai, angry and traumatised, needed to become a ninja to become the best version of himself. Wu knew of each of them, and only took them in when he knew they needed an outside source to lead them.

Literally i dont understand why people paint him as a villain. He has never been one. It’s like how Mystake said, the only reason one becomes wise is through their own mistakes, their own life and experiences. Wu is an old, old man. He is right when he says he’s not like how he used to be.

I could keep going, but God guys. Stop mischaracterising characters! You can dislike them all you want, its your life, but don’t change what they have done and call them a bad person when that isn’t true.

You can call Wu a character with mistakes, a character heavily in the light grey area of good and evil.

WU IS NOT A BAD GUY GUYS STOP CALLING HIM ONE 😭

143 notes · View notes

wasyago · 1 year

Note

YAGO!!!! GAHFRHRHAHARHAHRHRF IM BACK (Design Detail Anon back << i dont know what to call myself LOL) I HAVE MORE WORDS

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON BIOLUMINESCENT TRITONS?!!!?! Obviously Gillion's eyes and coral already glow cause of his funky scrungly squelchy magic BUT what if... he had little glowing freckles... scales? im not fully sure how fish people work.

Your designs for Gillion and Edyn already do an amazing job of separating their underwater biology from humans like Chip and Jay (thinking of the glossy skin, the tails, and the yellow sclera/slitted eyes)- like it's very easy to tell by looking at them that while they are People they are very much FISH People. Which of course sounds pretty obvious but I mention it because a lot of triton art I see usually just looks like a blue person with gills and fins, if that makes sense.

But to expand on my original question- both Gill and Edyn are from the trench, and, in my logic, adjacent at the very least, to other deep sea creatures like anglar fish and some squids. They already have darkvision but the image of them having little hidden patterns when they get super deep in the ocean is... so cute...

im realizing after Ive written all of this that it kinda stopped being a question and started being a ramble so I do apologize :']

(on another note I love your caspian redesign it does a really sweet job of incorporating literal elements of water into his features *smooches him* **respectfully***)

OMG!!!! i love all your thoughts this is so cool thank you for sharing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and thank you!! i tried very hard to make caspian look like a water spirit and not an ocean creature and still make him interesting visually...)

you know, now that you've said that the trench is deep under water im realizing that it's something i didn't actually think about. like, i remember hearing Gill say that he's from the trench, but it never actually registered in my brain that trench = deep and dark. everything makes so much sense now oh my god.... finn saying "why did they keep this from us" about the sun, because the sun simply doesn't reach to where they live...

i dont know why i imagined the capital as this bright white sunny coral reef when it should be dark and mysterious and harsh with no sunlight. bruh. it makes so much seeeense. and all the talk about strict rules for safety and foodchain and danger, because they're literally so deep there's a lot of giant spooky creatures.... hold on im having a worldview change.... oh god....

considering all this... YES bioluminescent tritons!!!!!!!!!!!! i imagine they don't glow too much, since while tritons are pretty smart they don't have a lot of natural protection from predators and attracting attention would be suboptimal. but they do have glowing parts for um... reasons. idk, they're magical creatures in a magical world.

i imagine their stripes and eyes and hair and underbellies all emit a glow in low lighting, and in complete darkness only the stripes are visible. and every triton has a unique stripe pattern or color so they're all different like that.

idk how it actually works. like, if they glow in any darkness or only in the darkness under water (although it wouldn't make a difference since they're always wet) or only when they're very deep or if they can choose when to glow or when to not, but its still a very cool detail!!!!!!!!!!! glowy fishy people yayyy

#yagotalk #my art #sketch #oh boy do i tag this.... its a long text post......#aah yeah fuck it we ball #gillion tidestrider #edyn tidestrider #jrwi riptide

395 notes · View notes

gyutopia · 3 months

Note

hiii!! i was the anon that did the bh review! im glad you liked it! ^^ i hope you have a great day too :>

butttt im here to say a bit more ! 😣 i really loved both bh and og and im definitely a yapper,, i hope this isnt too much.

first im a bit confused as to why Anyone would want to bash jw's character-- judging off the last two anon asks but i think thats the same person. im still proud of my decision to label jw as mature, he loved and cared for yn really well, so i know why he reacted the way he did. i personally think he opened yn's eyes, bringing her into a new world so that she wouldnt have to stay in her same mindset. that night of the party, when they first met, im really glad he stayed with yn in the hospital. that was such a nice gesture considering the fact he could see yn needed somebody. he stayed by her side in og and i respect him for that. jay made me mad when he said "you dont know shit" because, how would anyone besides jake and his friends 'know shit' if jake just left with no explanation, not even a text back. i found it pathetic how jakes character felt guilt, and then chose substance abuse. i appreciate the fact he flew back home for yn, though.. even though she wasnt there. maybe the only reason why im mad at the substance abuse is cus i know people that have detached themselves from me and life in general because of that, but i partly understand jake. im glad he was aware of what his behavior caused for yn, and he was definitely shocked but he couldve handled it better. this isnt towards you as the writer but more to jakes character: theres so many other healthy alternatives to drinking/smoking. i know it was for an escape though, and im thankful jay told him to stop. back to jk's bday- yn & her friends had every right to act the way they did. it just made me confused why jk had seen yn in that state, but still decided to spam her texts.. if he only did it at the sudden appearance of her, what held him back from doing it any other time? (rhetorical question, ik the reason) when yn suddenly went to jk in bh, i somewhat understood what she could've been feeling. its hard to forgive someone that goes back to a person that they know isnt good/hurt them, but a lot of people dont take attachment into consideration. yn grew up with jake. of course she'd go back to him if she wasnt in the right mindset. and again, jw acted very maturely. how could yn just get up and go to the exact man she said she got over? (rhetorical question) i like that jw didnt forgive her immediately, and i Loved that he pushed yn away when she came crying about what jake had said when they had kbbq. im glad jw noticed all the negative traits of yn, and its great that he made yn aware of them. he acted like a true man in bh. and when he said something along the lines of "he (jake) doesnt know you like i do," i think that was eye-opening. it really made yn realize jake is in the past. i feared yn would choose jake in the beginning but jw's words were very impactful.

this is way longer than i thought oopsiee! i hope its okay im saying more. a lot slipped my mind as i wrote though so i might be back with something else

omg don’t apologize i love your thoughts!! keep them coming hehe <3

i agree with everything you said 100%!! jungwon from the start only cared for y/n,,,,he didn’t have to sit in the hospital with her, didn’t have to stick around after and love her the way he did. as for jay you’re saur right bestie, he was picking a fight for no reason bc like you said how would they know?? jake didn’t even bother to respond to a single text so truthfully y/n + her friends had every right to be mad

jake definitely could’ve had better better coping mechanisms,,,,i think he really just wanted to forget because he knew deep down he couldn’t do much to fix what he had done so he leaned into drinking and smoking to help him forget/numb the loss of his best friend.

yes !!! jake and y/n were friends for 10 years, they saw each other at different stages of life and he was the only friend she had growing up which is why it stung even more when he left,,,she had to watch her classmates go to the movies together, senior events and grad parties while she was alone. obviously she’s going to go running back the second jake shows up. he’s all she’s ever known.

i really had to make sure jungwon was standing on business bc if he forgave her right away she would have continued to take him for granted and there would have been no character development. it was honestly so satisfying to write jungwon pushing her away when she came crying 😭 i think him telling her jake doesn’t know her anymore is what did it for her too, especially since he said it after jake sent the flowers

#💌 you got mail!#fic: bh #fic: og

0 notes

livinglifeonpause · 5 months

Text

Build Up: Final One

- oh shiz, this episode is 2 hours?? I hate watching live shows, but at least my babies Seunghun & Jeup are in it. - awwww, somebodys Umma's there crying already! - Bain looks good with that hair - why does my baby Donghun just never have clothes that fit? - mf'ing like :30min in and NOTHING HAS HAPPENEDDDDD WATERFIRE V4: Sunyoul (27) (UPT10TION) 2 > 2 > 6 > 6 > x ( V12: Wumuti (24) (Solo?) 8 > 6 > 7 > 6 > x ( V7: Kang Hayoon (20) (Loud) 7 > 5 > 5 > 2 > x ( V17: Choi Suhwan (22) (X101) 3 > 4 > 7 > 9 > x - for me, Suhwan > Wumuti >> Sunyoul >>>> Hayoon. - Hayoon's voice doesn't blend and I don't like that at all. it's jarring in a gross way. - it was fine and the song was fine. Like 6/7. - ew. Jaehwan. I would not bang you with those long ass nails like that. why dont stylists catch that kind of shit? PARTNERS V34: Park Jeup (30) (Imfact) 8 > 10 > 8 > 8 > x ( V20: Lee Donghun (30) (A.C.E.) 6 > 10 > 8 > 7 > x ( V3: Bain (22) (JUST B) 9 > 6 > 6 > 7 > x (orange hair) V11: Jeon Woong (26) (AB6IX) 3 > 4 >4 > 5 > x ( - UHHHHHHHHHHH, can you imagine Jeup as a casual cafe worker? Looking all sexy like that? pssssht. - but also that breaks my heart. Imfact deserved so much better. - in fact, so does A.C.E. (and CIX) - hahahah, Jeup saying "Jesus Christ" like that will never get old - also, I like when Jeup gets comfortable enough to be loud and goofy. I wish we got to see more of that in the programme. - again. WHY BAEKHO? get Bumzu up in there. Baekho ain't it. - Bain, baby. It's kinda hard to empathize with you wanting to debut with this team sooooo bad when you're currently on a world tour. - this isn't a good song.... - SO. Lets debut Jeup and Donghun, then lets debut Chan and Jun from ACE - OH! there's junnie! in the glasses. Also the Ab6ix kids I don't know and BX and Channie! - these subs are awful. WTF is Solar saying to them?? HUN-MIN-JAY-BIT V2: Jay Chang (22) (ONEPACT) - 8.5 > 8 > 10 > 5 > x ( V36: Bitsaeon (28) (M.O.N.T) 5.5 > 3 > 10 > 5 > x ( V1: Seunghun (24) (CIX) 4 > X > 7.5 > 8 > x ( V39: Kim Minseo (21) (nothing) 4 > 4 > 5 > 6 > x ( - haaaaaaa! they showed Solar's shit for the producer example but not the Jaehwan song! - ighhhhhh, Seunghun grinning at Eunkwang like that! - Eunkwang just makes shit fun! asking them all individually. - Jay Chang is SUCH a fuck boii. - fuck you Jay Chang's voice. like damn. And fuck your foundation that's too light. - we only half way through and they're done singing. WTF we gonna do for the 2nd half? - the fuck did Jay randomly punch Minseo for? - oh look! Yonghee next to BX! - haaaa! poor Suhwan! Jeup did him dirty!!! but not really, Jeup's pretty pure, so I get him scheming. Like with the tea. He didn't want the camera time, he genuinely wanted to try the healthy tea. - Wumuti "doesn't want attention" psssssht! - okay, his little gay look before he answers his question is adorable. that feels real. - Jeup said "I'm not an easy person to be friends with" fuck. where is that one homie who did the personality things for the kids on The unit. I'd looooove that. https://theunit-mbti.tumblr.com/post/170622967698/the-unit-mbti-jeup-mbti - Suhwan seems like such a sweetie though! I guess he's a dick in real life! - awwwwwwwwwww, I want more truth or dare! - omg, it took me until the 2nd card to figure out why they have a "random" cut out of Bain just chilling there. - idk what the fuck Jeups laughing at, but I love his "ha hah ahha ha" laugh. omfg. - awww, Jay actually looks nervous when homegirl announces the results! - I want the moms to have labels. "Jeups Mom" If that's her with his sign, she doesn't have a wedding ring?? - as much as I want this for Seunghun and to see more of Jay, and even though I 100% want this for Donghun. I WANT THIS FOR Jeup MOST! :'( - Jay Chang crying FOR REAL! awwww! - Seunghun's like just chillin! ha! - Seunghun telling Jay to say it in english. Smart man!

yay BDU! stan Jeup though!

#Build Up #_buildup

0 notes

finitevoid · 8 months

Text

like you have to understand. ed is the normal human wife. hes lois lane. iris west. linda park. hes the grounded foil to bart's elevated intensity. This is important in flash comics because of how their powers work: they become so disconnected from reality that staying is more difficult than leaving, and the only remedy for this is a lightning rod-- i.e. a connection and intimacy with a person who isnt connected to the speedforce, thus making them, by definition, the speedsters anchor to reality. if this person isnt in the speedforce, then the speedster sure as fuck cant leave-- at least, not without leaving this person, too. flash comics have a long history with characters like this-- joan garrick is the classic, quintessential The Girl You Leave Behind To Go Fight In The War. jay was probably petting polaroids of her in the literal trenches. iris west is the 70s career woman-- she works and shes good at it and thats what she does. shes independent, but chooses to settle down of her own volition (shocking). linda park is very 90s comics, rocking the boat. for one, she isnt white, for two, shes the breadwinner. wally consistently gets himself into shit in his real life and linda is consistently the one dragging him out of it. they have this very intense back-and-forth at first, where wallys chauvinistic tendencies grind RIGHT up linda's second-wave feminism. but despite all this, these characters all get subsumed into the wider Speedster's Wife trope. like all things, a good writer wont mishandle the sheer breadth of possibility with any of them, but a bad writer most certainly will. and generally, they dont really exist outside of flash solos unless linda is showing up to corral her kids at the end of the world during final crisis, or something

but the importance of this character cannot be understated. not only in the literal sense of the superpowers, but also in that the comics NEED a grounded foil to it all. superheroes are meant to be this power fantasy, yeah, but for the most part, the average comics reader has more in common with iris west than they do barry allen. while the flash is off running through space and time, linda is writing her thesis. good writers will understand that these characters are just as, if not more, important than the actual superhero themselves. its why every solo ever has the superhero having a thousand civvie friends, or, often in the case of older characters, a civvie spouse. so in hh, ed is waltzing not only into the position of lightning rod in a literal, in-universe way, thus dragging him into this insane subculture, hes also slotting himself into the metatext of this decades (decades) old trope. and MY intention for leaning into this, is the sheer possibility for subversion. i have 2 rules for ed as a love interest, ones that if I ever break, hh will be an actual failure of a project:

ed will always have a life, thoughts, and wants that exist outside of his position as love interest

ed can never, ever, ever become a superhero

the reason for the first one is obvious-- its a common pitfall of "love interests" as a literary device, particularly outside of romance as a genre. a character being presented as more of a prize than a person, something for the hero to attain and then own. its just not an accurate portrayal of how a relationship works, and i really intensely dislike it. also I like ed and i want to explore him and his psyche, its fun and enjoyable. but whats actually more important than either of those is that this is VITAL to portray him as grounded in reality. "love interests" who are a prize to be won dont feel real; they're larger than life, in the same way that mythological heroes themselves are. nobody is actually like that, and consequently theres very little room for empathy with that character. and that is NOT what the Speedster's Wife does. ed needs to be normal, but more than normal, he needs to be real. he needs to feel, as much as i can possibly make him, like a real college student.

bart exists as this larger than life figure-- literally. i liken him, frequently, to thespianism. not only about his powers, but literally, the base of his personality that I explore in hh. he wears masks and personas to divert and deceive and confuse. ed, as the closest thing it has to a second protagonist, needs to be honest and upfront and blunt. ed's scenes take place in mundanity: at work, at school, driving, doing chores, hanging out with friends, at parties. bart's scenes take place in fantasy: sci-fi superhero bases, on violent missions, in space, outside of reality. ed is the point of reference. hes the axis of familiarity. his presence makes the characters around him feel more real, too. his flaws play of their flaws and his strengths play off theirs.

ed can never become a superhero because it would completely uproot this. it would completely muddy my carefully laid arc about a kid thrown into a peer counselor/management position to a bunch of traumatized teens barely younger than him. yj as a show likes for its characters to be a million things-- saving the world as superheroes and as civilians. but i think theres a quiet strength in the civilian characters in worlds like the dcu; what does normal life look like in a world where aliens invade like every 2 weeks, sometimes the multiverse breaks and almost ends the world, and people with unimaginable power want to use that power to enact grand, public violence? how does that work? ultimately, the jla, and the team (and the titans and the outsiders and the suicide squad and young justice) are all just a very, very intense, very, very vocal minority in a world thats otherwise populated by people just like our own.

civilian characters have always been one of my absolute favorite parts of superhero comics. i think the intersections between the mundane and fantastical (can be) really encapsulated by a relationship between a superhero and a civilian, and especially when that civilian is given the room to have their own life that they explore on their own terms, and how the wild nature of the world they live in interacts with their attempts to pursue their own dreams and life. the civilian is important because without them, superheroes dont exist. its the backdrop to every comic book ever.

Anyway. I wrote all of this because i think it would be really good for hummingbird heartbeat's sequel to open with a scene where ed, having been bullied into getting a drivers license by his father, drives his dads car into a supervillain that bart's losing a fight to, mid-monologue

#humh

0 notes

piviani · 2 years

Text

what enha currently feels about their current tour

( disclaimer: please do remember to take my readings with a grain of salt. i am in no way a professional tarot reader and all of this are alleged and is for entertainment purposes only. )

note: hello everyone wow its been awhile! but anyways i just had the sudden urge to read about what they currently feel now that the world tour is finally starting 😭 (sk is already done and THEY WERE ???? jaw dropping. fr. fr. the dance break COUGH COUGH) + and last this is kind of a rushed reading so excuse if there might be some grammar mistakes or sum ..

jungwon

ace of swords

awe jungwon is currently in that moment where he feels that wow the world really is built different for everybody. he is now in the clear set of mind. emotionally he is in a good place! it might feel very new to him but with this card its positive! as in general context it means new ideas, new environment, new beginnings.. whatever that is new. ITS ALL NEW. he feels a great strong of emotion too. because Its what he is patiently waiting and craving for, after what happened to his life.

heeseung

five of swords in reverse

dude is ready! hes now feeling ready after that unexplainable unhappy thoughts he had about their tour in the past. its possible he was getting quite anxious? but anyways all that now is buried! hes now feeling happy and reassured that it will all turn out fine. its all about new life to him now. “forget the past and move forward.”

jay

temperance

wow this is lovable.. jay feels a sense of calm. the typa calm after you arrive in ur home from a long ass tiring shift you know? a feeling of ease.. like yeah this is why im doing all this.. for my love ones or whatever that he holds dearly. i think with just the world temperance in general we know what it already feels like for him tbh 😭 a very good feeling. he feels happy! too happy! and he even feels grateful too. he feels like this is all connected. a very 🥰 moment where you just have to bring out your phone and capture the moment because you know you will look back to it everytime. he feels that.

jake

the star

whats with jake and this card everytime.. (i always pull this whenever i read for him..) similar with jay! he is also as well feeling ‘that’. might sound er with this but this just so pure. fr. not even kidding. his eyes be sparkling whenever he thoughts of tour. seems like hes been waiting for this for so long too! a very new feeling for him as well. he feels like this is some new era for him. (technically it is a new era for all of them).

sunghoon

six of swords in reverse

unclear card so i apologize in advance if my interpretation might sound a bit er. but anyways sunghoon feels kind of hesitant with this? i dont exactly know why (as ive said in this type of qs this card is unclear (atleast to me). he might be holding back? .. its possible this is all getting into him.. he might feel overwhelmed or he might not be feeling at his best at the moment.

sunoo

the magician in reverse

🫠 unclear to me again! i swear why they aint letting me dude… but anyways with the magician its possible he is currently feeling that he should be more fittable more. he feels that himself is not enough for the tour. almost like he feels that he doesn’t deserve all this. he still is insisting to keep both of his eyes shut closed. he is unsure.. uncertain.

riki

three of cups

aw riki feels happy. hes looking forward for the tour! hes excited to meet different kinds of people and bond, enjoy, and hang with them. all good feelings hes genuinely uplifted its making him feel wonders. a joyous environment 😭

end note: idk but u might notice my reading? interpretations? are kind of different and if u think the admin is different now no its not its just me lol hehe i have quite different of personality every occurrence

[ reading was done in Sep 20, 2022. ]

#kpop tarot #kpop #enhypen tarot #tarot #enhypen #enhypen astrology #yang jungwon #lee heeseung #park jongseong #sim jaeyun #park sunghoon #kim sunoo #riki nishimura

80 notes · View notes

maiwon · 3 years

Text

ENHYPEN as THE NEIGHBOURHOOD songs.

lhs — reflections "we were too close to the stars. i never knew somebody like you, somebody."

the first verse already screams heeseung (my love i miss you so much) the lyrics screams his personality sm too BYE . "so close, yet so far away" JFC THIS SONG JUST RLY SCREAMS HIM i will cry . "i see my reflection in ur eyes" yup totally relate to this. i feel like i rly relate to heeseunf in some ways, and i feel like a lot of engenes do too

pjs — flowers "everyday you want me to make something i hate, all for your sake."

this is ltrly the one that rly fits him (and wdywfm) sometimes it feels like people just like him for his looks, not his personality, not his talents and stuff. the lyrics fit him well too, since ppl write lots of sm/t for him :// i cant stop thinking of him everytime i listen to this song goodbye it rly fits him i will cry.

sjy — sadderdaze "saturdays are not the same as they used to be. sadderdaze, why do they keep on using me?"

ngl jake gives off sadderdaze vibes ,, like his entire being . from his personality to his clothes and stuff T_T sadderdaze feels like a beige/brown coloured song and that's how jake is too. the lyrics fit him as well LIKE PLS @?#*? especially the "he's a grown man with commitable mistakes" bye i cant i lu jake mwa

psh — pretty boy "even if my heart stops beatin', you're the only thing i need, with me."

IT'S REALLY OBVIOUS WHY I CHOSE THIS SONG FOR HIK STOP. he's literally rhe pretties boy :(( he's whole personality just fits the song really well in my opinion ,, everything abt him screams pretty boy c: if u dont agree bye argue w the wall idc SUNGHOON OWNS THIS SONG FROM NOW ON!!!!!!!

ksn — 24/7 "and you can hit my line like 24/7, i'll be there to listen everytime."

don't tell me sunoo doesn't scream 24/7 RN INFRONT OF MY FACE . the lyrics fit him really well!! he's a really approachable person imo . he's the one who'd always b there for u at ur lowest point yk he's just rly good w ppl :D he knows how to cheer you up, knows hoe listen to ur rants, knows how to comfort you. he's just. prefect :) ps . sunoo best boy <3

yjw — compass "you're my only compass, i might get lost with you."

THIS MIGHT B A LITTLE BIASED im sorry but . compass is my favorite song and he just reminds me of it alot! he just seems like the type of guy who's just . really everyones type :) the lyrics fit him a lot too bc he rly feels like a magnet tbh PLSSLSPL "could you keep on guiding me please?" SCREAMS YANG JUNGWON AMIRITE ?@?#?@?

nrk — softcore "are we too young for this? feels like i can't move."

ltrly tell me that this song doesnt remind u of riki. he went through a lot, and he's still a teen, especially in i-land. riki deserves the world!! the chorus rly fits him too. being an idol at a younf age is exhausting and i feel like riki relates to it, but he can't really leave yk bc he rly loves engenes and his members :( riki best boy ilu <3

taglist @enloveclub @lunaflvms @soobin-chois @lumixen @p-rincess-minki @acciomylove @staysstrays @strwbrymlkes

note idk if some of these r accurate BUT THIS IS MY OPINION pls!! hoon's and jay's seems pretty accurate to me tho 🧐 and riki's. N E WAYZYZYZYZ!!! hope u like this 🤓🤓

113 notes · View notes

halsteadlover · 3 years

Text

I Need You

*Gif not mine credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader.

• Requested by anon: Hello love! I lv ur jay halstead imagines could I request one where ur boyfriend jay had a rough night (he was on patrol or smt) and the next morning he is super cuddly and just dont want the reader to leave the bed because she has patrol and he makes her go to bed and call in sick just to cuddle with her

• Warnings: slight mention of gunshot and death.

• Word count: 3512.

• A/N: It took so much time and yet this is bad af. Bye ✋🏻

“Baby you’re finally home!”

You exclaimed going immediately to meet your boyfriend as soon as you heard the front door of your apartment open and close. You were sitting on the couch waiting for Jay to finish his shift but as the hours went by and he didn’t come back you started worrying. It was about midnight when he came back home and you couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief when you saw him. But a single glance was enough for you to realize that something was wrong.

“Hey are you alright?” you asked, worried. He usually didn’t even give you time to say hello as he rushed to hug you and fill you with kisses but, in that moment, he kept looking away as he took off his jacket and hung it on the coat hanger.

Jay was aware that he was avoiding your gaze and he knew the reason when his eyes met yours. He understood it because looking at you was enough for him to lose it completely, because everything that he was struggling to keep inside came out like a raging river.

He shook his head slightly, a broken, distraught expression on his face that broke your heart into a thousand pieces.

“Oh baby come here” you said as you approached him and surrounded his neck with your arms. Jay immediately returned that hug by putting his arms around your waist and it didn’t matter if he held you so tightly that you almost couldn’t breathe anymore, you just wanted to be there for him.

“It’s okay baby, everything’s gonna be fine… You’re safe” you whispered as your hand stroked his hair in an attempt to calm him down. Jay had his face hidden in the crook of your neck, your hair tickling his forehead. His eyes twitched because of the tears threatening to come out and, man, how hard was for him not breaking down. “Do you want to talk about it?”.

He shook his head again, the words dying in his throat. He didn’t want to talk about it, all he wanted was to get lost in your arms, forget everything horrible that had happened. It didn’t matter how or why, he just knew that you were the only person in the world who could do it, to make him find hope that everything would be fine, that there was light at the end of the tunnel, because if you told him, he’d really believed it.

“I just need you.”

It was a whisper, almost inaudible, and Jay wasn’t even sure you heard it. But you had heard it, his voice had come out so fragile and trembling that you found yourself holding back tears, you had never heard him like this and seeing him suffer like that… Damn it, you would have done anything to take his pain if it meant making him feel better.

“I’m here baby, I’m not going anywhere… I’ve got you,” you continued to whisper while from time to time you left little kisses on the cheek, your hand gently stroking his hair, just to let him know that you were there, that you would always be by his side. You held him so tightly that you hardly left him room to move and breathe but Jay didn’t care, God only knew how much he loved being there in your arms, how much he would have liked time to stop and stay that way forever. “I’m always here with you, don’t worry I’m not leaving you.”

You remained in that position, near the front door for an indefinite time. You no longer asked him what had happened, what it was that he had upset him so much, because you knew he didn’t want to talk about it, you would’ve waited when he was ready to do it. You could only guess and since that morning everything was fine, you figured something had happened on his shift at work.

“Baby you want to eat something?” you asked after a while. You pulled away slightly from that long hug, placing your hands cupped over his face, your thumbs stroking his cheeks. Jay shook his head slightly, not trusting his voice at the moment. His eyes closed for a second as if he wanted to enjoy until the last second of that touch of yours.

“Is there something I can do? Anything,” you continued as you put your hand through his hair “Oh baby… I hate seeing you like this.”

“I just… I just want to be with you.”

You lifted yourself slightly on your toes and kissed him on the forehead, trying to ignore the pain in your chest that made you see the person you loved most in the world suffer and not be able to do anything. “I’m not going anywhere baby… I’ll stay next to you as long as you want okay?”

He nodded his tear-misted eyes as he hugged you tightly to him again.

“Do you want to take a shower with me?” he asked you almost in a whisper, an expression on his face that was impossible to say no to. “Of course baby.”

There was nothing sexual, just two people who loved each other madly, two people who wanted nothing more than to get lost in each other, to forget the rest of the world and everything around them.

You didn’t talk, there was no need. All the unspoken words were expressed by the way you hugged each other so tightly. The water kept flowing on your wet bodies and you had no idea how long you stayed in the shower but you didn’t even care, for you there was only him. There were no barriers or obstacles, only you holding him as if you were trying to protect him from all fears, insecurities, weaknesses, him clinging to you as if his life depended on it.

Jay’s mind wandered completely alone, totally lost in the thousand thoughts that ran through it. He wanted so much to be able to say thank you but he couldn’t because his words were constantly dying in his throat and he was afraid that if he opened his mouth he would completely collapse and he didn’t want to do it, not in front of you. He wanted to say thank you because you understood him like no one else could, because you could understand his mind without even needing to speak and that was why you were his lifeline. That was why he couldn’t wait to go home because, even at the end of the shittiest of days, he knew that it was enough to see you and dive into your arms for everything to be fine. He didn’t know how, you could remind him that the end of each day there was still something beautiful in the world, that not everything was horrible and God only knew how much he needed to remember it at that moment.

Jay hardly even noticed that the water got cold until you pulled away from the hug so you could reach out slightly and close the knob.

“The water’s gone cold,” you said, “We should get out of here, I don’t want you to catch anything.”

He nodded but before you could get out of the shower, he caught you by your wrist, placing his hands on your cheeks. He was beautiful, his hair wet, the droplets falling from his face, God, he was truly a heavenly vision.

“I love you so much Y/N” he whispered, his nose brushing yours. Those were some of the few words Jay had said since he got home and how good it was to hear him say them.

You gave him a little smile. “I love you too Jay.”

“Baby I know you don’t want to but you have to eat something” you said.

You and Jay were in bed under the covers after drying off each other and wearing something. You wore Jay’s shirt while he was shirtless, wearing only black sweatpants. His head was resting on your chest, your arms around his shoulders as you continued to stroke his hair and leave kisses on his head from time to time. Jay wrapped his arm around your waist even tighter, as if he wanted to keep you from leaving, your legs intertwined.

“I’m not hungry right now.”

You let out a slight sigh, not wanting to insist further. “Okay but promise you’ll eat something if you get hungry, please.”

“I promise,” he whispered.

“I don’t want to insist, I’m just so worried about you Jay. I hate seeing you like this” you said, raising your head slightly to be able to kiss him on the forehead. You had never felt so helpless as then, not being able to help him made you feel so bad and you almost didn’t even think it was possible to feel this pain for someone else.

Jay sighed deeply and raised himself on his elbow, running a hand over his face, frustrated and pained. “I’m sorry I don’t want to worry you with this bullshit.”

“Hey, hey, look at me Jay,” you said, taking his hand off his face and starting to stroke his cheeks with your thumbs. “It’s not bullshit, not if it makes you feel like this. If something hurts you, it hurts me too…”

He looked down.

“I’m here for you, whatever happens,” you continued, whispering “What happened baby? What makes you feel like this?”

Jay closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath, the events of that day running over and over in his mind.

“We got a call about an armed robbery in a shop,” he began to speak, in a low voice, his eyes failing to meet yours in the meantime. You listened carefully as you continued to caress his face as if trying to give him strength. “I was passing by and I was the first to arrive on the spot. You know how these things go, I tried to convince him to drop the weapon but he had a child hostage…”

God no.

You didn’t need to hear the rest to know what happened.

“He was only ten Y/N… Ten fucking years… He shot him in cold blood…”

Your heart literally broke when you realized Jay was crying. You encircled his neck with your arms and pulled him back to you, squeezing him like you never did.

Jay returned that squeeze and let himself go into a liberating cry, letting out all the frustration, sadness and despair he felt.

“It’s okay baby, cry as long as you want, I won’t leave you. I’m here, you’re safe…” you whispered as you continued to squeeze him and stroke his hair.

“I was there… I couldn’t help him…” he tried to say through tears. Guilt was wearing him out, he couldn’t forgive himself for not being able to help that child. His mind couldn’t get rid of the image of that child’s frightened expression and terrified eyes, of the way he kept crying and begging to be saved. “It was my fault…”

“Baby it wasn’t your fault, nothing that happened…”

“Yes, it is!” he exclaimed interrupting you, jumping up and sitting up in bed. With his hands covering his face he continued to cry “What kind of a cap am I? I couldn’t even save that child…”

You positioned yourself in front of him, taking his hands in yours. You tried to hold back the tears, because Jay didn’t need this, you had to be strong for him even though it didn’t make it any less difficult to see him suffer like that.

“Jay you need to listen to me okay? Look at me please…” you said but he shook his head, refusing to look at you “Darling none of this was your fault, I know this, everyone knows it. You are one of the best and bravest cops I’ve ever met and I know you, I know you did everything in your power to save that child even putting your life at risk…”

“I couldn’t save him…”

“Baby look at me I’m begging you,” you said and then he looked up at you. Seeing his face streaked with tears, his green eyes usually so bright and glistening now dull and veiled, was like being punched in the stomach. Damn, a punch would’ve been even less painful. “You didn’t pull the trigger, it was that son of a bitch. You didn’t kill him,” you wiped his tears away with your thumbs as you continued talking “You always tell me that I don’t have to feel guilty about something I’m not responsible for. You should follow your own advice…”

You approached him and kissed his tears away. Jay had to appeal to all of his strength not to cry again at the sweetness of that gesture.

“We are not responsible for other people’s actions. Jay that’s why we do this job, I know it’s hard but please don’t feel guilty baby… It wasn’t your fault.”

Jay didn’t answer but continued to look into your eyes for a few moments before wrapping his arms around your waist and hugging you again. You immediately reciprocated that hug, giving him kisses at the top of his head.

“Please don’t leave me…”

“I’m not going anywhere baby, I’m here for you, I’m not leaving you.”

He cried again and you stayed by his side the entire time, hugging him tightly to you and whispering words of comfort to him. In the following hours you continued talking and talking, Jay told you in detail what had happened, how he felt, how he had to warn the child's mother, he let himself go, venting all the frustration, fear, sadness he had felt that day and how much he wanted to forget it and move on.

“How can you do that?” he suddenly asked. You were both laying under the covers again, his head resting on your chest, your arms around his shoulders and his hand encircled your waist.

“Do what?” you asked in return, with a confused expression even though you knew he couldn’t see you. Your fingers kept going through his brown hair, which made him relax.

“This, make me feel better even when everything feels like hell,” he said “You make everything better.”

You gave him a kiss on the top of his head. “I did nothing.”

“You did baby,” he murmured, feeling his lids heavy “Thank you…”

When you felt the grip around your waist not as strong as before, you raised your head slightly to be able to look at him and a smile appeared on your lips as you noticed that he had fallen asleep.

“I love you so much Jay” you whispered, giving him a kiss. You watched him sleep as you continued stroking his hair, relieved that he could get some rest after that horrible day. You held him as you watched his chest rise and fall with each breath and he seemed so peaceful at that moment that you would give your life for this peace to last forever, to protect him and keep him safe from anything that could harm him.

Not even two hours passed when the alarm started ringing, making you wake up with a snap. You got up trying to take the phone from the bedside table and turn off the alarm but it was useless to try to be as careful as possible not to wake Jay, he began to move in his sleep, lying on his back.

You glanced quickly at him noticing that his eyes were still closed and you breathed a sigh of relief before lifting yourself up again and picking up your phone and turning off the alarm.

Jay’s arm encircled your waist pulling you back against him. “Where are you going?” he whispered.

“I just turned off the alarm, go back to sleep now” you replied giving him a kiss on the corner of his mouth. He opened his eyes at that moment and a small smile appeared on his lips when he saw you.

“Stay here, don’t go please.”

His thumb gently stroked your cheek and you gave a little kiss on his hand that was caressing you as you continued to look into those green eyes you loved so much. “If you think I’ll leave you even for a second, you are very wrong my love, I’ll call in sick and stay with you all day.”

He smiled and kissed you in a way that he completely took your breath away and made you melt in his arms. In that kiss he tried to express all the gratitude and immense love he felt for you and it was a moment he wished would never end because it managed to make him forget the rest of the world and make him believe for a few moments that not everything was as bad it seemed.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you but God baby I’m so lucky to have you… I love you so fucking much” he whispered holding you to his chest, his lips pressed against your forehead as he deeply inhaled the scent of your hair, the scent that made him so totally crazy about you.

Those words made your heart so warm and as you hugged him back you realized how it never seemed to be enough, because it didn’t matter how much he was close, it never seemed to express how love in reality you felt for him.

“I'm the lucky one here,” you said smiling “But you have to let me go baby so I can make the call.”

On the contrary, he squeezed you even more, letting out a sound of disappointment that made you giggle.

Making that call and pretending to be sick was more difficult than expected as Jay didn't let go for a second, continuing to kiss you on the cheek and all over your face as you spoke, causing you to chuckle.

“Baby you have to stop doing this!” you exclaimed, with fake anger when the call ended “Platt will kick my ass I already know.”

“I'll protect you don't worry. Now get back here” he chuckled but didn't even give you time to put your cell phone on the bedside table that he drew you back to him, pressing your back against his chest. He kissed your cheek before resting his head back on the pillow, closing his eyes as he enjoyed the feel of your fingers caressing his forearm around your waist.

“How do you feel?” you asked, almost in a whisper. You lay on your back so that you could turn your head to Jay and be able to look at him. He sighed and opened his eyes as you started stroking his face with the back of your fingers. You found yourself lost in his eyes for a few moments, looking at him as if he were the most precious thing you had.

“It's something I won't get over immediately, I'd be hypocritical to say otherwise.”

“I know baby but I'll be there for you at every step... You're not alone.”

The corners of his mouth rose in a sweet smile that sent butterflies to your stomach and made your heart beat even faster.

“But I told you Y/N, I don't know how you do it but you... You make me feel so good, I can't even explain it. You put me back together and no one can do this baby, only you. I was at the district and even with everything that happened the only thing I could think about was coming home to you.”

There were no words that could express how you felt at that moment so you just kissed him, pressing your lips hard against his. His hands were in your hair as you both lost each other and how beautiful he was, how you wished this moment would never end.

“I love you Jay, I love you so much.”

“God baby you have no idea how much I needed this,” he whispered, his fingers caressing your face as he removed a strand of hair that had fallen out in front of your eyes and he was referring not only to that kiss but to everything. He needed you in a visceral way and no matter how much he held you, this need would never go away, he just couldn't get enough of you. The way you looked at him, damn it, it made his whole world tremble around him, he had never felt loved by someone like you made him feel, he never felt as lost as he felt every time he looked you in the eye. “I love you too.”

“I'm here, I'm not leaving you.”

Jay wrapped his arms so tightly around your body that you almost couldn't even move and it was as if he was even afraid to let you go. And that's how you stayed all morning, lost in your safe places, each other's arms.

Click here to be added in the tag list ❤️

Masterlist

Buy me a coffee?

533 notes · View notes

hitoshisbabygirl · 4 years

Text

Author's Notes ♡: Hi there hey! Welcome back to another collab piece!! This round I try to have him in his pro hero line of work and being his usual soft and caring self. It’s a bit soft but also heated at the end sooo, I love making a softer Kiri so enjoy!! I hope I did this justice~ bunny ❥

Warnings : NSFW again! (◎_◎;)

A use of pet names like twice, if you squint you’ll see a bit size kink and Soft Dom Kiri, fingering, Light cursing, pussy job, Kiri is a soft but huge lover

Word count : About 3.3k!

Paring(s) : Pro hero!Eijiro Kirishima x F!Reader

Summary : Kirishima was used to saving people, and having the joy that comes with it and completing his job, so what happens when he falls for the girl that is his main link to a case?

Enjoy ♡

———————————————————————

Kirishima knew taking this mission with Fatgum would be one of their more challenging ones : A drug ring filtered out throughout a high end hotel with an escort and stripping service. Supposedly they'd traffic with the girls, under trays of food or other masked ways. The menus were keys to what each drug was, and each service was a different type of delivery. They were so close , so very close to understanding what was happening but...they also hit a bump. Most of the investigation was focused on the owner of the hotel but they soon found out that they were barking up the wrong tree. The owner of the hotel wasn't who controlled the flux in the drug ring but a patreon, a wealthy real estate manager for a mob. Sighing, Kirishima rubbed his face, glancing at Fatgum who was writing like a madman at the desk in their jointed room “Hey Taishiro..” Kirishima called as the blonde let out a hum,still jotting notes “We have that other lead right? Uh..” He started as he flipped through his own notes, running over a name “Peaches, the cage dancer?” “Yeah what about her?” Fatgum said as he looked to his red haired subordinate “Why don't we see if we can find her? She should be working tonight right? The other dancer said she only comes in on certain days, and she seems tied to Mr.N'' He siad as Fatgum joined him at his side , reading over his notes “Yeah! If we're lucky we’ll find some more about our lovely friend here”

And with that they headed downstairs and to the giant double door, the sound of thumping music seeping through the crack “Well Red, let's head in yeah?” Taishiro said as Kirishima followed behind. He knew undercover work was difficult, and it didn't help that both had to disguise their identities to the best they could : Fatgum and him both using colored hair spray to hide their hair colors. Taishiro opted to stay in his smaller form more often and wore clothes that were more fancy while under the name “Yuri”. Kirishima on the other hand was his makeshift “Bodyguard” , opting for all black looks and tended to hide his mouth with a black mask, going by the simple nickname “J”. The purpose was for Fatgum to look like another high end boss with security , and that's how it was. As the two entered they were greeted with half dressed to bare women with only covers asking them what they needed or wanted , some handing them drinks and allowing them to wander. The lights were bright and strobing , almost too much to the sober person, so the intoxicated had to be worse. Heading to the back they passed through a curtain into the higher end of things. Men with people at their hips, smoking cigars and watching as more dancers did their usuals, money being handed over , thrown and placed on their person. “Alright how about we split up, il take this seat, see if you can find the cage dancers” Fatgum said as he sat to an approaching girl, the women threw herself to his lap as Kirishima sighed watching him start up as he saw a red light behind another side curtain. Catching his attention Kirishima walked forward, into a darker room with a string of red lights illuminating a cage-like stage. Before he could get far a man stopped him

“Excuse me sir do you have a reservation with Peaches?” Bingo. He found her “Uh no sorry i don't , i didn't know i needed one for her '' He said shyly as the man looked up to him before sighing “Well, then sir i can't help you” Sighing Kirishima looked at the stage again when he saw one of the most beautiful sights he could see. A woman, covered in a red and black piece popped into the stage “Whats the issue Moby?” The women said as her eyes widened to the tall male in her usual empty room “Ah nothing miss Peaches, this guy i guess thought he'd get a show” The security said as the girl still looked to him and smiled waving him in “He does now, put him on my list yeah?” She said as the security stuttered , letting the towering man past “Ah miss, is it okay if my friend comes along as well? He went to a different stage but he would be meeting back up with me” He admitted as th e woman strolled to him , pressing a hand to the cage “He can come too, tell Moby to put him on the list sweetheart” She said before walking away, yelling to the security “Put his friend on the too!”

Soon Fatgum came into the room with him, sitting beside him as more paterons surrounded the stage “the other dont know them, it seems our girl is the one were with now” He whispered as they all looked up to the stage , the setting being set for the act who was coming out. If the hush whispers were anything he knew the girl they were waiting for would be something great.

All of a sudden Kiri could feel his heart in his throat, the woman he had spoken to came out , still dress the same as she waved to the whistling people below, goting to her pole with a jump and started spinning effortlessly, the sight was absolutely stunning ; he'd never seen such a beautiful display before. No one told him that stripping was a form of art, no matter how people tried to look down on it, this was art to him. He now knew why she was so sought after, the grace she had as she moved closer to him through the cage made his heart unironically thump and all of a sudden the throb in his chest moved to between his legs , an embarrassment he wish he wouldn't admit outright until a shove on the arm from his senior “Its alright, i think she likes you” Fatgum whispered as Kirishima looked up, seeing in fact that her eyes were glued to him.

Moving to the front she leaned against it, eyes locked on him as she beckoned him closer, the desperate others trying to reach for her as she smirked , reaching to Kirishima “Why dont you cmre big boy” She said as they whooped and hollered , all smacking him in the back as he gave fatgum a wide eyed look, the hidden blonde, giving him a thumbs up. “U-uhm I-” Before he could say much she tapped the cage , pointing to Kirishima as the security took him around to the opening “You're a lucky guy ; its rare she does a lap dance with fresh faces” The guy said, confusing the hidden redhead “How's that?” He ask “Well whoever spends the most on her usually just gets a leg tap or such, a lapdance is the highest thing she'll do with a crowd” He said before giving him a chair and opening her door “Have fun, she might spoil ya” And withthst he was face to face with the beauty. Walking up to Kirishima she gave him a smile, her smaller hand running over his chest before she took the chair from him , sitting it in the red light. “What should i call you cutie” She whispered before he felt the knot in his stomach tighten again “ Uh..how about..Jay..” He whispered back as she pushed him lightly into the chair “Well then Jay, ill give you a nice show hm?” she giggled, before moving into his lap. Kiri felt himself freeze , she smelt very good, and was too close for comfort. She was warm, and the way she looked at him made him feel like a highschooler all over again “C-can i touch you sweetheart?” He whispered as she settled , her eyes wide as she buried her face in his neck “A real gentlemen, I knew it was a good idea to trust you.

Go right ahead cutie, be gentle with me” she answered as she started to rock, rolling her hips with the thumping of her music. Slowly he put his own hand on her waist, following her constant moving as the group below yelled, telling him to do more or for her to strip even more. He felt her get close to his face before their noses touched, the heat in his chest blooming more as she pulled away. Feeling brave he gripped her hips, pulling her closer and with a gasp her arms moved back to his chest , the two in their own world before realizing there were eyes on them both still. Slowly she crawled down his lap, eyes on his as she ran her hand back on his thighs , her face on his lap as they screamed for more before the curtain dropped, covering them and the guys outside of it begged for more. Sitting back on her legs and letting kirishima catch his breath he held a hand to her , helping her up “T-Thank you for the show Miss Peaches , I feel honored“ Kirishima said as she blinked, before feeling her body heat up “O-Oh uhm why thank you for thanking me, i don't get much appreciation, and most would want your place. I….felt drawn to you so” She admitted before giving him a look “OH and you can call me [ ], but try not to around patreons, they'd be upset they don't know yet and i just told some newbie” [ ] teased as he laughed , agreeing “Yeah definitely. I hope to see you uh, more often” He said before he could stop himself, giving her the same shocked look her face had “I guess you're who've been asking for me.

Here, I'll give you my number and you tell me whenever you need something” She said, holding her hand out for his phone. Fumbling he took his phone out, taking her number in his phone as they walked to her dressing room. Shyly [ ] looked up at the tall boy who insisted on walking her back to her room. Standing ther awkwardly he gave her a shy look back “Uh i know this is random but when is your next show? I love how beautiful you look and i'd...wished to be able to..i'm not sure what id want to do being there” Starting to ramble he laughed and rubbed his head before [ ] grabbed his hands “Hey that's fine, i'll come around more often if you're around i feel safe with my new shield” She teased.

And thats how it was for a few weeks, them seeing her every day she danced and her even coming to see them on her off hours. Kirishima explained why they were really there and it made her heart happy to see change. She decided to help them, giving more information to them, helping them along with their case as it started to close. Before long Kirishima and [ ] had gotten closer, the two of them growing to love the others attention , so much so Fat gum called them out for it “Yknow, when this goes down, you should get [ ] to follow us , she's quite smart , and she could do wonderfully as a partner. She would benefit better from a safe environment” Fatgum said one day while they were finishing their report “Ya think? I do care for her, and I can't stand her coming over and crying about the abuse…...but i dunno what if she doesnt like me like that…”

Kirishima whispered as he felt a hand smack him on the shoulder “Ask her. Can't hurt to ask right? And the way you both give eachother puppy eyes even when she's on stage i'm pretty sure she likes you the same way you like her.” He teased as the red head beside him sighed, hearing a knock at their door. Opening it he was face to face with the girl in question, [ ]. Her eyes glowed as she came in, greeting the two males in front of her. “Hey guys! How's everything going?” She said as she sat on the edge of one of the beds in the room , dressed more casually which made them both have a sense of joy “Ah well we should be arresting him tomorrow once he gets here, I know you work tomorrow night so ill have Kiri be with you, he’ll make sure everything runs smoothly , we’ll all go back to the headquarters and regroup okay?” Fatgum finished as [ ] shook her head, agreeing with the plans as she sighed “I'm nervous but it needs to be done... I , well all of us can't take this anymore...constantly being in fear all the time yknow?” she sighed as she laid back, a comfortable silence falling between them as they all laid around the room “Uhm [ ] can I ask you something?”

Kirishima said as she hummed, cracking an eye open to look at him. Knowing what was to come Fatgum gave him a thumbs up before claiming he had a call to go investigate downstairs, leaving the two of them together. “[ ] I cant stand you in pain...I dunno what i can do for you but...please, let me help you out , come with me , with us. I want you to be happy y'know and ive enjoyed every second we’ve had together..maybe im being selfish, or maybe its silly but...I” Trailing off he looked up to [ ] giving him soft puppy like eyes. Reaching out she placed her hand on his , rubbing her thumb on the back of his hand as she took in a breath to start her own comment back “Kiri...Ejirou, I care about you, so so very much, I wouldn't want to be a burden to you, but I'd love to go with you. Question is , is tit the both of you who want me around or a certain red head who cant take his eyes off of me” She teased as the color in his face flushed to his ears , stuttering as [ ] laughed “Its okay Kiri, Fatgum told me too, that we both care so much for eachother and should admit it, its why im here now actually” [ ] said as she meekly met his wide eyes, not fully thinking he understood her “W-wait say that again?” Kirishima croaked, meeting her gaze as she smiled , tracing his hand that sat beside her leg. Before he could stop himself he tackled her to the bed , pushing his lips against hers. With a gasp she kissed him back, wrapping her hands around his neck as they laid there, sealing their promise to eachother with a kiss. Soon, Kirishima pulled away, but not before tugging her bottom lip in his mouth. Gently he placed his hands beside her face, looking into her [ ] colored eyes, his heart fluttering once more as he kissed her forehead “Im sorry [ ] i just couldnt help it… Uhm am I moving too fast? I can definitely wait until youre ready” He spoke out as the girl under him sat up, gripping his cheeks “Kiri, honey ive waited for us to confess and now youve gotten me riled up, take good care of me yeah? Later on we can be more intimate but for now..I need you” She said, seeing he way the red heads eyes darkened at her comment “Then let me tak good care of you my love”

And with that he slide a large hand down between her thighs, rubbing at a wet patch forming against her panties as he pushed passed them, entering her with teo plump fingers “I gotta get you to relax, i wont fit if youre this tight” Whispering in her ear he picked up the pace, kissing right under her pulse as [ ] sucked in a breath, grabbing onto a strong arm “K-kiri I-” Shushing her , Kirishima leaned over to kiss her lips, speeding up his fingers as he felt her drip between them “Cum for me sweetheart, let me open you right up” He begged. Feeling her stomach tense at his choice words [ ] whimpered, her high hitting her as the sound of him pumping her though it echoed throughout the room. Pulling his hand out from her fluttering pussy and short he smirked, licking her orgasm from his fingers. Giving her a lopsided smile he spoke ‘Cant wait to eat you out..but thatll have to wait. I need to be in you” Sittin up from her Kirishima pulled his shirt off and with a toss threw it uncerimosily into a corner, as well as his pants and her clothes. [ ] couldnt help biting her lip as she saw the bulge under his boxers, a spot of precum at the tip as he palmed himself before pulling them off slowly, the red tip smacking his stomach

“ Like what you see?” He teased as he ran the tip between her sopping folds, a gasp as soft ‘Yes’ falling from her lips “Ill be gentle okay? If its too much tell me, alright?” he said as [ ] agreed , opening her legs more as he started to rub around her clit, catching it with his swollen head. In a trance he kep that up, bucking between her lips as it started to make them both sticky and hot. Soon she couldnt take it anymore, grabbing his hand as she pleaded with him “Please Kiri, put it in already, I can take it” Letting her words sink in he smiled before flipping her to her stomach, pressing his tip against her wet hole “Hold on to something then” was his last warning before pushing in, his tip sliding by with ease as the smaller girl under him moaned, arching her back to take more in his first push. Slowly he kep rocking his hips, pushing more and more in before finally bottoming out, a satisfied groan spilling from both parties lips. Leaning down to her neck Kirishima bit down gently before picking up his pace, holding her hips in place as [ ] whined , reaching back for a hand “W-wait please its too much” She whined as he slowed his hips only a bit , feeling her clench over his own thick member “Youre close again...is me pounding you from behind too much” He cooed, biting a new post on her neck as he sped up again, making the girl squeal “I-i dont wanna cum yet! I dont w-want it to end” She spilled out as she felt the knot in her stomach return, warming her lower body as he kept up his pace, sliding a hand to go between her legs as he searched for her nub, tracing it as he drilled in her from behind. Too quickly [ ] felt it snap, the little bit of control over her rapid orgasm faulting as she came overhim, grabbing the hand on her hip as she weakly rocked back “Thatta girl, keep going you got it...fuck im close too, where d-do you wnat me to cum” He asked as his own hips got sloppy but never slowing down, in fact they picked up more pace as he chased his own high “Im on the pill, please fill me up baby, Eijirou i need you to fill me up” [ ] pleaded. Hearing his name unexpectedly was his demise. He felt himself quiver as thick ropes of cum spilled from hsi tip inside of her spasming and warm walls, a low growl falling from his lips as he rocked the last of his oragsm out, small ‘Thank yous’ and ‘I love you’ falling from his lips. With care he wrapped his arms around her torso, holding her to his chest as he pulled them sideways “Well...i didnt expect the night to go like this” [ ] giggled as Kirishima kissed her shoulder before agreeing “I don mind it...but I meant it...i didnt just use you fro sex or anything..”He said again as she hummed, kissing the hand the laid on her chest “I know...i meant it too..” As the comfortable silence filled the room [ ] felt something hot stir her again. Looking down she could see Kirishima getting hard again> Before she could say anything he spoke “Whenever youre ready, I could go for another round sweetheart” Slightly pushing her hips back [ ] knew she was in for a long night

#my hero academia #bnha #bnha collab #bnharem collab #kirishima ejiro x reader #kirishima x reader #kirishima smut #bnha x reader

247 notes · View notes

simluvbot · 3 years

Text

Enhypen as dates they would take you on <3

tags: gn!reader, established relationship au, fluff, bf! enha

members: all members !!

wc: 400-800ish for each member ?? this is very long uh I’m sorry I got carried away

a/n: hi, welcome to my first piece of writing on this blog 😁😁 I tried to write so that these matched the members and their personalities the most! Also as this is my first post any interaction is so cherished 🥺 but anyways,, I hope you enjoy :D

open to read

Heeseung

he would take you to so many fun places!!

Your dates would consist of going bowling together, theme parks, a walk in the park — you can count on having a fun time with heeseung!

He would just want to impress you );

He’s be always so attentive to you and remember even the littlest of details about you

You’d be in a shop together looking around and he’ll tap your shoulder, showing you a lace shirt that you instantly fall in love with

It’s just your style!

You’d ask him how he knew you would like it, to which he would simply mumble with, “you told me a few months ago that you like shirts like this.”

You’d just stand in shock like :ooo

Not even you remember telling him that ):

Please he loves you so much, if it’s something that you tell him you like or don’t like, he’ll immediately store it in his memory! He wants to know so much more about you 🥺

Your dates are definitely what you look forward to whenever you see him!!

As much as you love fun day outs with him, you also love your chiller night dates at him <3

Meeting each other late at night after practice? A must!! No way can you let your hee go home alone when he’s the last leaving the practice room after a long day ):<

You would often surprise him by showing up at belift at ungodly hours, and as much as he would scold you with a light frown for coming to see him when it’s already half past midnight,,

You still always catch that small little smile he has whenever you do surprise him hehe

to be aware of just the fact that youre there? is enough for him. you ground him and its especially those spontaneous dates youll throw upon him and inevitably show him without the words uttered that you care for him and you love him?

those are secretley his fave (: but he doesnt have to tell you that - youve already guessed :D

But at the same time on those late night after-practice dates he just wants to make sure that you’re not staying up too late all the time just to make sure he’s doing okay after practice, his y/nnie needs their sleep too ):

And what you’ll do together? Eat ramen of course!!

Although these little late night dates with him usually dont last no longer than an hour, he still treasures them so dearly in his heart ):

Hee sometimes needs a lot of love and assurance, even if he doesn’t mention it

And you’re the best at making him feel better instantly 🥺

but we seriously cant forget about your daytime dates too! each date of yours is always filled with so so many jokes and giggles that your hearts burn with longing for the other whenever you part ways ):

i can see that he’ll even store the memory of your dates even weeks after they’ve happened - he’ll store those memories of you; all in his heart (and the polaroid he took of you in the back of his phonecase 😳) and tucked close.

Jake

as for dates, to me he seems the type to be into really spontaneous and random things!! He’d love going somewhere fun or just simply randomly travelling with you without a destination!

He especially loves to sneak out of the dorm late at night and meet you at you and his favourite park.

It’s located at the top of a really tall hill, and you’ll both spend hours sitting on the swings, chatting away with little care for the rest of the world or the time as you both simply giggle at each other’s jokes and contentedly talk about anything and everything; watching the city lights glow from hundreds of metres below you

He’d offer you his jacket when the temperature drops by a few degrees suddenly

You’d be like no!! It’s okay you should also stay warm, I’m okay 🥺

But then because he is such a sweetheart he’d huff and sit next to you on the swing, making the single-seater far too cramped as he tries to supply you with his body heat if that’s the only way that you’ll accept not freezing to death 😠

But then you’ll both slip due to there not being enough space for both of you on the wing, and your both fall flat down on your butts lmao

You’d both freeze, staring at each other blankly on the floor

but then you’d both crack up and laugh for the longest time — hushing each other in-between giggles from the fear of maybe you were being a bit too loud and could wake some people up?

But then you’d both fall into giggling messes once again as you blame each other for causing the other to fall down ):

You’d eventually sit together huddled on a bench, sitting in silence and simply staring out at seoul’s twinkling night lights as you share his leather jacket: heavy and warm as it drapes across you and his’ shoulders

But eventually you’d both finally head home! — your eyelids soon growing too heavy and both of you afraid of accidentally falling asleep at a park at 1am lmfao

idk why but i can just see a lot of late-night dates with jake,, such as

baking cookies together at 1am???? probably has happened twice already in your relationship aha 😁

honestly you both spend so much time together casually that you end up arguing on whether that time where he randomly showed up at your house wanting to make relationship bracelets together was really a date or not lmao

he is also so <3 so incredibly sweet too though uGH. he is a sweetheart and like heeseung he will remember every little detail of you which will be useful for when he comes up with more date ideas in the future (

on dates such as eating at a restaurant together he will always bring you flowers like the gentleman he is.

it’s kinda funny because when youre both on a date together alone with no other people around you both become complete crackheads

but when meeting in front of others he acts so mature and serious suddenly lmao ??

but honestly he just trusts and loves you so so much that he doesnt even feel like he needs to act a certain way or try to become someone complteley different on a date just to impress you

but its okay because you love the duality of jake sim <3

someone get me him pls. i want one </3

Jay

With jay, shopping dates ??? yes of course (;

he’d simply love taking you out either down a road with many well-known clothing brands or maybe even the mall, entering several clothing stores with you

he never mentions it, but its obvious how much he simply adores seeing you wear the clothes he picks out for you :D

oh and matching couple outfits are obviously always chosen whenever you go out on these fashion dates!!

he will pick out a selection of items he thinks will look good on you, and - to admit it to himself: he does a pretty good damn job

tell me why this boy will get so flustered whenever he sees you walk out of the changing room,, looking so pretty in what he chose for you ??

he’d also one day surprise you on a date with matching couple bracelets :D

you’ll get so excited and he’ll get so shy and try to hide his smile as you compliment how good his sense of style is !! and as much as he denies the fact that he’s blushing you luckily do manage to snap some pics as evidence of the rosy colour in his cheeks hehe

and especially earlier on in the relationship, he’ll always try his best and prepare cute little dates for you both )): and the members would tease him to DEATH for how unbelievably soft and considerate he is when doing things for you when he is so cranky towards them lmfao

chill dates (:

walking in the park together, getting ice cream, going for late night drives and listening to music together </3 with jay it never has to be complicated

Just as long as he gets to be with you, talk with you and touch you then that’s more than enough for him (: he just likes to be in your company

and Idk why I can just see this but he wILL have playground dates with you. dont question it

Because like ?? hanging out on the swings or climbing frame of a kids park at 11PM when there’s no one else there but you both?? Talking and swinging quietly next to each other? very romantic to me hmm

Yes <3

he will stare at you as he silently swings a back and forth a little; brushing the hair out of your face and looking at you with so so much love in his eyes it’s unbelievable

he especially loves just relaxing with you. watching a show on the tv together while cuddling and staying close to each other is something he loves

hearing your giggles and listening to you talk while engaging in teasing banter where he’ll pretend to think the things you say are stupid by scoffing and rolling his eyes when in reality his heart is swelling and he’s trying so hard not to laugh at how cute you are?

shut UP

those are definitely one of his favourite types of dates with you

he’ll constantly try to impress you and will be willing to try so many different things with you

i can see him as either being openly interested about going on typical couple dates together such as painting or eating at romantic restaurants,, or every time you mention something of the sort he’ll be groaning at yet another mention of the ‘couple bucket list’ you had created lol

but actually he’s secretly really excited for that couple mug-painting session you booked for you both. but he will never tell you that 😳

in conclusion, with jay it really never has to be something complex for you both to enjoy your dates <3 he just loves being in your company, even if its one of those nights where you both share no words between the cuddling and content sighs and various little soft kisses he presses to your forehead.

sunghoon

with sunghoon gOSH

whatever you two get up to, it’d be so so soft and gentle and perfect and just ):

he would always ask the members what to take you out on as a date and you bet his naver search history would consist of questions like ‘what does my s/o like’ and ‘where should i take out my partner on a date’ lmao

he just wants to make you happy and comfy ):

dates with him are usually really cute!! Like going to cafes, going ice skating etc!

But you’d also love those dates at home with him, giggling shyly as you both sit together and watch a film 🥺

he LOVES those dates! he always gets so shy whenever he comes over and it takes him a little while to get comfortable enough with you to even hold your hand pls

So when he one day pulls you in closer from where you’re sitting side by side on the couch,, bringing you closer and tucking you under his arm ??

You’re so so surprised, and you feel your heart clench a little at how gentle he is with you and how he’s finally opening up ):

And from then on,, he only will become more and more comfortable with you!!! To the point where he’ll start pouting a lil when you don’t snuggle up next to him on the sofa like you usually do );

So cuddle dates with hoon? Yes you bet they’re his fave!!

and then when its quickly approaching your 100 days anniversary, he’ll be wracking his brains for so long trying to decide what to do for you

but then it will hit him like a light bulb switching on!

he’ll suddenly remember you mentioning this specific thing that you really liked and would want to do one day, and guess what he would plan for u both!!

he’d prepare 💔💔 a picnic 💔💔 for you 💔💔

ugh youre so lucky

he’d text you the day before your anniversary telling you to expect to go on a date with him the day after and to dress up prettily :D

he’d wake up super early on the day of the date, preparing all of your favourite foods and meals into a cute lil basket ):

and when you finally both meet at a really rEALLY pretty secluded area that you somehow had no idea existed despite you living in the area for so long - you’d maybe start tearing up??

because your boyfriend is so so sweet and you never saw this coming from him at all ):

and he’d just stand there shyly in front of the picnic he set up, hand at the back of his head and looking down; cute lil blush tainting his cheeks from how nervous he is!

but then you’d run over and give him a big, big hug, exxclaiming how much you appreciate what he did for you and how youre so so incredibly sorry for not bringing him something as well to celebrate your anniversary (you were dying inside fo guilt please!! how could u forget to get him something when he went out of his way like this for you )): )

but he’d simply shake his head, smiling and not minding at all

because if he gets to see you happy, gets to see those twinkling eyes of yours that just stare up at him with so so much love before bringing him in for a sweet kiss - then he simply doesnt mind at all.

r u crying at this like i am lol

sunoo

sunoo absoloutely adores you.

and he cant stay away from you !! lmao

you’ll leave after a date and ten minutes after youve arrived you’ll get a text from him saying how much he already misses you and wants to see his bun again ):

but its okay!! because y’all would meet up again really soon again :D

sunoo really doesnt mind what you both do together, he just loves being in your company !! if he’s doing something with you, its certain that he will have so much fun and be so so comfy!

you often like to go to cinemas together, watching a film

film/drama marathons are also something that you both do very very often as a date! he loves it when you hug him tight and throw a leg over his as you both lie down in his dorm bed/your bed, watching something on your laptop

he is very very cuddly and whenever you both do have cuddle dates/sessions (which is all the time btw) he’ll like it when you absentmindedly play with his fingers or stroke your hands through his hair soothingly

and then he’ll complain and whine when you stop lmao

seriously though, without a question if either of you meet at either his dorm or your house - its always: ‘so what are we gonna watch?’

he also likes doing very very cute couple-y activities with you! of course he does,, youre his baby ):

(he’s more YOUR baby actually - but he doesnt need to know about that shh hehe)

funfair dates where you will go on a ferris wheels and eat cotton candy together? sharing a kiss when you reach the top? yes! and so is going to those sets designed for couples to take cute photos together as a lil photoshoot!

he is so so sweet with you ):

and has it been mentioned yet that you’ll go on food dates? this is a very obvious date you both do very often !!

going to food markets and trying out different street foods from different vendors? yes.

having mini dates at the korean convinience store late at night where you’ll both sit by the window and eat tteokbokki & ramen together? yes.

its all honestly really really chill, but he also knows when to be serious when he needs to (:

he’ll take you out to the your favourite restaurants often!

and whenever youre celebrating something he’ll take you to a really good and famous restaurant with mouth-watering food, and you’ll be left wondering for the longest time how on earth he managed to get a seat in since its always so booked

or ordering take-out is good too :D

in conclusion (because i just realised how long this is help 😭): dates with sunoo are always a variety of fun activities which always leave you feeling tired yet so, so happy and content at the end of the day !!

he loves you so much <3

Jungwon

Since you both go to the same school, a lot of your little dates are actually spent there

He’s pretty shy with you at times,, but when you’re both alone it’s then that dates with him are usually so so goofy and silly; days filled with his teasing and your eye rolls and giggles.

Meeting at the rooftop before school to simply talk and giggle and drink chocolate milk? Yes.

Staying after school for small study sessions in the library? Yes.

With jungwon, you’re not able to see him as much between school and him being an idol, so every little moment together means so much to both of you ):

To me jungwon also seems like a cuddler!!! cause like?? Have you seen him ?? Tell me he doesn’t look so soft

So, dates at home when he’s free where you can both cuddle together in your bed while eating and doing homework? They’re so so cosy,, and definitely your favourite kinda dates!! not to mention that your parents absolutely adore him too

With jungwon, lots of lil spontaneous dates are definitely his and yours trademark (‘:

He’ll turn up at your house randomly with a grin and dimple poking at his cheek, holding a bag of convenience store food and asking you if you want to go on a date with him even if it’s 10pm and dark outside lmfao

And then he’ll take you to an arcade!

You’ll be the only ones there and he’s keep flexing about how he’s going to win you this cat plush from the claw machine because he says it looks like him

He’d try several times and end up spending almost 8,000 won on the machine trying to win you this plush and at this point he’s already making up several excuses about how oh, ‘it’s rigged’ or ‘give me one more chance I will get it this time!!’

You’d giggle at how he grows flustered, gently asking him if you could have a go for fun, sighing and with him and agreeing on the fact that the claw machine is definitely rigged

You’d complain together; scolding the machine and asking it to please be nice and stop ruining your date when it’s then that the claw actually picks up a plush and you’re both like ;oo

You’d both stay stood in shock as the cat plush is dropped into the receiving box, before laughing loudly

He’d stand there flustered, blush tainting his cheek before he just walks away 🚶🏻‍♂️

You’d quickly pick up the cat plush and chase after him, giggles tumbling out your lips

and uhm after that you beTTER go check up on your boy and see if his ego wasnt too damaged by that 😤

so of course you’d wrap your arms around him from behind, tucking your face into the back of his neck ): and pressing gentle kisses where you know he’s ticklish until he finally relents, a small grin and dimple lighting up his face

and phEW because you thought he was upset ): but he laughs and says youre better at the claw machine than he is so,, all good dont worry !! 🥺

It’d end up being him taking the cat plush home, which you both name ‘jungwon-two’ because of how much it actually looks like him 😭

Expect many references and inside jokes to that date and jungwon-two in the future

and tbh you love dates with won so so much. theyre so fun plus they’re always secret.

and whenever you’re out doing whatever the hell you both get up to,

It’s like there is no one else in the world. It’s just you, and him, and the blooming you both feel in your chests.

Niki

I don’t know but I can just see niki as being so romantic

You’re both young, and although niki is the biggest dork and always likes to play around and make jokes 24/7 - he’s also so mature compared to the other boys your age

So would he take you out to a date where he’d set up classically romantic candles and rose petals for you both to eat at for your 1 month anniversary? Yes ):

And you’d be so speechless and shocked as you blush quietly and thank him before he‘s accidentally knocking over his glass of water all over the table cloth and you’re laughing out loud

But expect every other date with him to be filled with so so much food and comfort!

He’d feel so comfy around you, and really the only word he thinks is perfectly able to describe you is home. He thinks you feel like home to him.

So he’d show you all of this favourite things, the things closest to his heart and you can’t help but feel your own heart clench at how much you adore this boy

He’d take you out to traditional Japanese restaurants and show you his favourite foods from back home and teach you the customs of how to eat sushi

You’d 100% be so so interested and excited whenever he reveals to you a vulnerable part of him, and he’d stare at you so lovingly as he kisses your cheek, blushing and smiling like the 15 year old he is

Ugh ): niki ):

Dance dates!!

You claim you can’t dance to save your life LMFAO (or maybe you can 😳?) but he only grins shyly instead as he takes you to a small dance studio he rented (he didn’t want to take you the belift building where there would be other people - he’d want you to feel completely comfortable).

You’d simply stand there with your mouth dropped open as you watch him freestyle to a random song he put on like it’s nothing

You’d spend the day getting taught some moves by him and although you’re sure you look like a cat getting electrocuted, he still smiles and nods and even claps, giving you compliments and teasing remarks

Overall, dates with niki are so so fun and goofy and perfect. You feel your heart swell every time he takes you out on another little adventure, feeling so complete and carefree between his warm hugs, jokes and words that he has to say to you

(’:

#enhypen headcanons #enhypen fluff #enhypen reactions #enhypen scenarios #enhypen imagines #enhypen fic #enhypen sunghoon #enhypen jake #enhypen ot7 #enhypen sunoo #enhypen heeseung #enhypen jungwon #kpop imagines

277 notes · View notes

nishimochas · 4 years

Text

❁﹝ 22:41 ‣ ˢˡᵒʷ ᵈᵃⁿᶜᶦⁿᵍ ᶦⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ᵈᵃʳᵏ ﹞

‣ gender neutral trainee!reader with trainee!heeseung. inspired by joji's song of the same title.

‣ tw: some slight cursing, just a whole bunch of angst.

‣ word count: 1.9k

"god, i'm such an idiot."

you swore to protect yourself against his charms.

every moment you spent with lee heeseung began to slowly feel like an incredible burden. each waking memory you still hold of him had started morphing into something you hoped you'd never live to see. he was no one you should've fallen for. in his world, you were just someone who he smiles at and greets when it's convenient.

you knew you were nothing more than a friend to him. all the times you've comforted him when he was weak, all the moments you've stayed with him when he felt alone and defeated– you knew that he didn't see any of those the way you did. or rather, the way you hoped you didn't see it. he treated you like he did everyone else: he was kind, patient, caring as he'd always been. even at times where you think his eyes hold something different within them, when his hands were too close, too gentle to not mean intimacy, you'd dismiss it all the same.

that's just how he is, and you knew you were mistaken for thinking you were any special.

you told sunghoon and jay about it before, and they seemed supportive of your feelings. it seems that they, too, see the unusual tenderness the eldest has for you. but you, thinking it was all but a delusion, you paid no mind to their observations.

"how would they understand? they're just like him. they're perfect, all of them – and i'm just me."

who could blame you, though? being close friends with such a blameless human being is already a difficult feat.

but heeseung? he was nothing short of perfect, and you knew you couldn't last so long with denial.

violent sobs threatened to break loose from your tightened throat as you walked through the halls, somber fingers erasing any memory of tears still lingering atop your features. the biggest idiot, you were. a great fool to have allowed yourself to fall for him. in painful silence, you continued your way down the dreadful atmosphere of the practice halls.

the silence didn't last for long. there were footsteps, hushed yet languid.

and suddenly– music.

melancholic, powerful, raw. it was coming from the third isle.

with brows raised in query you approached, half hopeful and half hating the fact that it could very much be the one person you so wished to not see at the moment. still, your curiousity led you to the glass doors of the dance room, your witless bravery encouraging you to look further.

and to nobody's glorious surprise, there he was. he always looked perfect, but it took your breath away each time just the same.

holding a still and quiet breath had never felt like such a taxing job until that moment. you could barely move from your cramped position, let alone watch him properly in the dim lit room. a part of you was screaming, furious that you'd still let yourself indulge in such a luxury despite the aching you'd already gotten yourself into. but a bigger part was paralyzed. a bigger part fought– it wanted to do nothing more than to stay and be mesmerized.

you've forgotten how agonizing it was to watch heeseung move the way he does when he's vulnerable. it was as if every inch in his body sang along to the melody of the song, each telling their own parts of his tragic tale.

oh, how you loved how he danced when you were the only one watching. he hit every beat with such precision and delicacy that you couldn't help but stare every time you spectate. he always manages to catch you off guard, every single time.

you spent the rest of the few moments as a faraway audience, watching through a small sliver of the glass door from where you hoped he didn't see you. but just as quickly, that thought wavered off and you're caught in shock as your gaze met his through the mirror, and you could've sworn his eyes glowed when he saw you. no, it couldn't be– it was impossible. maybe you we're just making it all up in your head. and maybe your dismay was just as evident as you thought you'd confirmed it, the heartbeat's worth of crossing glances broken apart as the next verse of the song played.

how pathetic of you, really– to think that someone like him would look forward to seeing you. you were a nobody compared to him, and maybe things were meant to stay that way. but then, just as you were about to turn away, his eyes meet yours once more for a few beats before moving away again. it was tantalizing, how such a small thing was capable of luring you in. it was as if he's saying, 'stay. watch me. i know you're here.'

it would be a lie if you said you didn't want to keep on watching.

the thundering in your chest only doubled as he did it again for the third time, now nearing the end of the song. his porcelain skin glistened as the light reflected upon it, and you felt something within you wrench upon the sight.

there was no denying it anymore. you were in love with lee heeseung, and there was no changing it.

the thought settled into you bitterly, but somewhere along the lines lied hope also.

the atmosphere shook with quiet breathing as the song met it's end, his gaze not leaving the floor beneath him. tearing your own eyes away from his figure, you began to stand up; it was time for you to go. and just as you started walking, you heard that painstakingly familiar voice piercing through again.

"wait," god, you could recognize that voice from miles away.

"stay."

your tracks were brought to an abrupt halt, not yet finding the nerve to turn around and face him. heeseung made it clear in his tone that he was talking to you, but your tremendous idiocy decided to state the obvious nonetheless.

"...me?" you both knew the answer. a few seconds of silence, then a sigh from behind you. those seconds felt like forever.

"look at me." you hated hearing those words, hated having to follow them even more. but you did. you turned around just as he told you to, and there he was by the door, holding it open with the weight of his shoulders. another sigh escaped his lips. you stood there, frozen, waiting for his next words.

"dance with me."

the words rang through you like a riddle; it took every ounce of restraint not to look at him like he was a lunatic. it was a simple request– yet, given how you've been dealing with your emotions, the request took such a toll on your barely comprehending mind. and, as if he understood every question that flooded your system, he went back inside the studio, gesturing you to follow has he did. despite the internal war that seized your entire body, you followed suite.

you stood near the entrance with your head hung low, wishing at that very moment for the earth to open up and swallow you whole. your fingers twiddled with each other in an awkward tangle as you waited for him to speak again. not long after, he finally did.

"remember you did a choreo with me once, the one after auditions?" of course you remembered it, you couldn't get your mind off of it since it happened.

"how could i forget? it was one of my favorite songs." your remark was met with a chuckle, and as if on cue, joji's slow dancing in the dark echoed within the confinements of the practice room. the movements came over to heeseung naturally, and you fought the instinct of it rushing through your own. he seemed to have noticed it, too. next thing you knew, your hands were in his and he's leading you to the middle.

"come on, i know you still remember the moves." he teased, a hint of a grin tugging at the corners of his lips. you couldn't help but chuckle along, shaking your head slightly in feigned embarrassment as you gave into the music and danced along with him. it still felt as intimate and forlorn as before, maybe even more so now. the small, still furious part within you wanted to tear itself apart every time your body met his touch; and as the song came to an end with you in his arms, at that moment, it seemed like the only thing that mattered.

"oh god, are you alright?" he fussed as he saw your reflection on the practice mirror. you barely noticed the tears that came flooding out, the pooling they made on the shirt that you wore. you nodded slightly, looking up to give heeseung a little half-hearted smile. without missing a beat, he wrapped his arms around you, enveloping your frame in a warm embrace. you couldn't tell what was happening, why the tears wouldn't stop, why you still feel horrible after all of it. he broke it off shortly and instead took your face into his cupped palms, tilting your head upwards so he could study your distressed visage.

still, the tears fell. no matter how much effort you'd placed into stopping them, they fell still. heeseung watched you intently, troubled and with worry lingering across his eyes. and as they kept falling still, he leaned in slowly towards where they were falling, and one by one, kissed the teardrops away.

"heeseung, i dont understand..."

"i heard what you said to sunghoon and jay. i was in the other room. i didn't mean to eavesdrop but i thought i heard your voice and... well, yeah."

your felt your heart drop into your stomach, a dry lump now beginning to form in your throat. the last thing you'd have wanted at that moment was for heeseung to know, but as it turns out, it seemed as if your worst fear has manifested in from of you.

you had no other choice now.

you shook your head as you mused a broken laugh, the next few words that came out of your mouth more poisonous to you than it was to him.

"i love you." you shrugged, half expecting him to turn away right as you said those words. "i guess there's no point in denying that now."

heeseung's breath started becoming uneven as his grip around you loosened, and you could almost see you the words as they started to unfold within his frenzied mind. he shook it off with a rather harsh jolt, and you took it as your cue to start leaving. you dismissed it, too, and began stepping away from his hold. it hurt as much as you expected it to.

"i know it's the stupidest thing, god i swear im so sorry, i really didn't mean–"

...oh.

you had no idea how it happened, why he thought of it or what made him do it but a small voice within you told you to savor it, so you did. his lips pressed against yours with a dulcet warmth and you wanted more, more more– you gave him everything at that moment, and he gladly gave you just as much, too. he tasted so sweet and so addicting, better than anything you could've possibly hoped for. and as your own tiers finally parted from his, saturated with the desperate need for air, the ghost of the words you thought you'd never hear from him urged out as he whispered;

"i love you, too. i have since the start."

❁ :: did i really need to hurt myself that much? no. but life isn't fair, janet, now repeat after me: giVE ME REASONS WE SHOULD BE COMPLETE–

187 notes · View notes

jesuisgourde · 3 years

Text

gay/queer references in Peter’s journals

Again, I have probably missed stuff due to going through pretty quickly and also due to having stared at this document for so long, everything has kind of blurred together.

Sometime close to the day that Carlos & I watched 'Love And Death on Long Island' (and afterwards paraded through the tea rooms of Picadilly) we both filled in application forms and were tres excited to be invited to the same group 'interview' - twas more like an audition though. I got the part. Carlos never. This did not bring any animosity - we both know that success for either of us is magnified a million times if it is shared by us both.

from 'A Diamond Guitar' by Truman Capote "Except that they did not combine their bodies or think to do so, though such things were not unknown at the (Prison), they were as lovers. Of the seasons, spring is the most shattering: stalks thrusting through the earth's winter-stiffened crust, young leaves cracking out on old left-to-die branches, the falling asleep wind cruising through all the newborn green. And with Mr Schaeffer it was the same, a breaking up, a flexing of muscles that had hardened. It was late January. The friends were sitting on the steps of the sheep house, each with a cigarette in his hand. A moon thin and yellow as a piece of lemon rind curved above them, and under its light, threads of ground frost glistened like silver snail trails. Tico Feo had been drawn into himself - silent as a robber waiting in the shadows."

Then a meet with Bounds Green's African prince outside whitechapel tube, rugged lookies at I in military attire & to a ruptured Albion rooms tidied in hours and now lids drawn heated on the eyes. A young looking fella has a crush on me.

Jackie/Camillia/Marie/Kate/Chris/V. churchill Jackie/Evelina/Jasmine/Sachi/Dalston/Sussie Sandra/Carlene/FP/Jay/Dalston/Kraut

There sat a young black man, perhaps in his early or middle twenties. He looked for all the world like the archetypal rude boy. Clean, cheap reebok, nike, adidas variously rolled, laced & zipped about his lean, spreadeagled body that hung loosely about the waiting room chair. Gold & tattoos adorned his person, and a blank animal look was attached to his clear face. He sat before me in a row of four empty chairs, staring at polished floor or the mundane television. A balding white man minced in & all perceptions were suddenly proven to be false as they embraced and snuggled up to each other, giggling & whispering & touching each others noses.... very much in love, fingers crossed for the blood tests.

[Image: an article from Gay Times of an interview with Peter. For some reason, the portrait included alongside the article is of Carl wearing a grey and black t-shirt.] Name? Peter Doherty Age? 22 Where are you? I'm on the motorway just north of Southampton. What kind of day are you having? (Vaguely) Erm... quite misty. Something's waiting around the corner, but there are no corners on the motorway, so we'll just have to wait and see what lies ahead. Maybe something will happen tonight.... What's this we hear about you once being a rent boy? Well, when times are hard, duty calls. How long ago was it? When I was 19, about three years ago. How do we know this isn't just a Shaun Ryder-type lie? 'Cause if it was, it would make me a complete scumbag and I'm not, and I'm not interested in that kind of pantomime. It wasn't a very happy time. I didn't really enjoy it. Why did you give it up? (grimly) Well, certain people disappeared... and anyway, ultimately I found myself no longer in such a vulnerable position anymore. Dawn broke, and I realised that it was a beautiful world after all. Have you done any other dodgy jobs? All of us in the band have tried to deal, but it's not good if you like the drugs too much. You just end up using them yourself! I once was a gravedigger. I used to do it with my mate in Willesden Green cemetery. We didn't actually do the digging, a machine did that, but we used to have to fill them in. It was pretty grim work. So are you gay then? Love is love, wherever it comes from. I'm not anything, really. I am a very sexual person but... I dunno, I believe in liberty... The Marquis de Sade has a lot to answer for... Do you get a lot of gay fans? Yeah - well, there's one guy in particular. He's very shy and he follows us around. He brings in letters and cards and stuff, but he's very quiet. I think John (the bassist) is the main pulling power in the band. Are you jealous about that? Nah! I've known him too long.

You know I'm alright i dont even care i like it when they stare & stare call me queer, dear oh dear a million things & what I wear He's real hard when he's with his mates but I'll saw him again & he was too late

Dear NME I'd have thought after the Gay Times piece, the interview with Rapture fanzine & our recent gig at the Slum Club everything would be clear. No it still remains to give a big hearty fuck off to all these twisted suburban types calling me a liar. Vulnerable young men & women all over the world find themselves victims of circumstance.

she was dressed in suit & tie & lightly etched-on moustache. 'I've always wanted to kiss a bird in the back of a taxi.' she says, running her hand up the fishnet ladders of my thigh. Stepping onto the front line in Bow puddles, elevators, buzzing doors,

[Image: the original page in the book has been preserved. Two paragraphs have been boxed off with biro. They read:] “...cast Richard Burton and Rex Harrison as bickering queer barbers and then much more uncompromisingly in William Friedkin's adaptation of The Boys in the Band (1970), which introduced some of the plainer four letter words in the English language to the screen for the first time. 'Who,' asks Cliff Gorman, in his brilliant portrayal of the most effeminate of the homosexual group as they gather for a soul-searching party, 'Who do you have to fuck to get a drink around here?' Other homosexual manifestations to occur in movies around this time included an elliptical but unmistakeable male fellatio scene in John Schlesinger's Midnight Cowboy (1969) when Jon Voight, as a broke and disillusioned Texas stud importunes in a New York cinema....”

[Image, top left: a blurry photo of John onstage, playing bass. Image, top right, sideways: a photo of the band onstage. Carl and John are on the left, sharing a mic. Peter is on the right, playing guitar and singing into his own mic. Image, centre left: a torn photo of Peter sitting in a chair, shirtless, playing guitar. Only his bottom half from the chest down is visible. Image, centre left: a torn photo of Peter sitting in a chair, shirtless, playing guitar. Only his top half from shoulders up is visible. Image, bottom left: a torn fragment of a photo. What looks like a denim-clad knee and a yellow carrier bag are visible. Image, bottom middle: a photo of someone's knee in torn jeans, taken from under a table. Image, bottom right: a torn photo of Carl in a black sleeveless shirt, posing with his fingers in his mouth.] [A paragraph from the original page of the book has been left exposed and boxed off with black biro. It reads:] “The Boys in the Band was displaced by an immeasurably more powerful portrayal of homosexual groups, Fortune and Men's Eyes (1971). Set in a Quebec prison, this disturbing, factually based drama vividly recounted the corrupted of a heterosexual convict trapped in a tough, potentially vicious homosexual society. In one horrifying scene, a weak, put-upon prisoner is gang-banged by his fellow inmates; in another, the 'hero' is blackmailed by his cellmate into accepting him as his lover for the duration...”

Like a cat on a hot tin roof Like a macho man in a roomful of poofs I have tried in my way to be free.

[Written in Peter's handwriting] Jerome... is that how it's spelt? [Written in someone else's handwriting] Yes it is [Written in Peter's handwriting] Can I read you something? [Written in someone else's handwriting] Yes please.....

I insist, new book of Albion, befuddled by drugs I may yes about 2 but I do not miss out entirely on the subtleties of the inhuman relation ships that are this the mainstay of my stay here in one bounce of a loaf. Boys are fooled into fooling with boys. [...]

More general references/some extra explanations:

“The boy looked at Johnny” is a line from Patti Smith's song “Horses,” part one of a three-part song called “Land.” In the song, a young man named Johnny is assaulted by another man in a locker room; he then mentally journeys to other fantastical lands and visions. A lot of people interpret it as being about gay sex, although some people interpret it as being about a stabbing.

Peter quotes and references Jean Genet's writing and works about Jean Genet many times. While Genet's works are nearly all about crime and prison (one of Peter's main interests and points of fascination), all of his works are very explicitly gay. The Thief's Journal is more about Genet's various lovers than it is about his criminal history. Our Lady Of The Flowers is about a drag queen and her criminal lovers, and is also extremely erotic.

(“Jerome” is Jerome Alexandre, vocalist of The Deadcuts, who was friends with Peter and Mark Keds.)

#squash transcribes books of albion #peter doherty #feel free to request compilations of other kinds too

36 notes · View notes