#william miller angst

[romanarose]

For The Longest Time: Chapter 1

William Miller x fem!OC (Lorelei Giang)

Masterlist

Summary: Lorelei keeps running into William Miller in town. She can't seem to avoid him, as much as she tries to. The last time they run into each other, Lorelei is forced to accept his kindness she's been suspicious of for months.

Content and Warning (For chapter) SPOILERS IS WARNINGS, READ AT UR OWN RISK: Mentions of eating disorders, over exercising and skipping meals, domestic violence, Lorelei is a suspicious and distrusting of Will and everyone in general. That's part of her arch. Will is an absolute sweetie. Illusions to smut that will be shown next chapter. Unplanned pregnancy.

A/N: This fic takes place in the Romana TFverse, AKA the LaL universe. Takes place after and has characters from Leather and Lace (Santi and Laci) and the next series, Take Your Time (Frankie and Jana). You do NOT HAVE TO READ THESE TO READ THIS SERIES. some of the characters relations with each other mean more if you do, but Im specifically writing this to stand alone.

Not a whole lot of Will content out there so hopfully you enjoy!

*****************

It was already shaping up to be a long night shift when Benjamin Miller walked in. It wasn’t that Lorelei had a problem with him specifically, but it was just one more thing to do. Benjamin, or Benny as the younger nurses called him with a giggle, was a nice young man, friendly, always had a smile on his face even if that face was bloody, and a handsome face too; she wasn’t going to deny it. He’d been in and out before, but she’d never met his brother until this night. Oftentimes it was his friend that took him in whose name she couldn’t remember but always wore a ballcap no matter the time of night, but sometimes it was random people. His brother must have picked him up a time or two because when he walked in with a bloody Benjamin she recognized him.

Lorelei crossed her arms. “Benjamin Miller. Again.” She sighed, tired, but also disappointed. He’d been gone for a while, staying out of trouble until now. “What is it this time?”

The brother interjected himself. “This dumbass got into a fight and we need to make sure he isn’t concussed” He then smacked Benjamin on his possibly-concussed head.

She was already in a mood, and the tall blonde was not helping. “Hey! Don’t hit my patients.” She motioned for a wheelchair. Benjamin she could handle, his brother she wasn’t thrilled with. Behind them trailed a short blonde girl. Sister maybe? She certainly wouldn’t have inherited their height, there was at least a foot difference, but she had their blonde hair, fair skin and blue eyes, although her blue was more pale, while the boys were bright. Girlfriend of one of them?

“It’s okay” the brother laughed, smiling a bright smile, but that just made matters worse for Lorelei. “He’s my brother”

“I didn’t ask. He’s my patient, this is my hospital, behave or leave.”

He raised his hands in defeat. “Yes Ma’am. His slight southern drawl coming out.”

Lorelei turned to the nurse that would be doing his intake. “Get him a scan, make sure he somehow avoided traumatic brain injury again.” The boy was asking for a problem. She wasn’t sure how much older she was than him, if at all, but she felt motherly as she often did.

The brother yelled at Benjamin about him not flirting with nurses, illiciating another glare from Lorelei. When he saw her unhappy face, he apologized and reached out a hand. “William Miller.”

Lorelei was more interested in the young girl standing quietly behind them who hasn’t said a word, looked nervous, and had traces of blood around her nose. As a nurse of 10 years, Lorelei clocked the warning signs of abuse and only briefly shook William’s hand, not bothering to look at him. “Lorelei” And she moved to the girl. “What happened to you?”

Loralei continued, motioning her thumb back towards where Benny went. “You guys get in a fight? “

Will leaned in. “Actually, she got in the middle of another fight-”

She simply held a hand up to him. “I wasn’t asking you.” Her intense gaze was focused on Laci, her tone was soft. She looked scared, pink lips sealed tightly shut. Another warning.

Laci shook her head.

Will tried again. “She has-”

This was her last straw with him, over the man injecting himself into every conversation. ““William, I’m going to need you to step back, please.” 

Will opened his mouth to argue, but closed it when he decided better. He turned to Laci. “Use your notes app, I’ll be over here.” With a soft smile to Laci and a nod to Lorelei, he walked away.

Lorelei turned back to Laci. “Hey honey, everything okay?”

The girl pulled out her phone and typed in the notes app.

Laci took a moment to type. ‘I have trouble talking sometimes. Ben and Will are my friends.’

Lorelei nodded, but continued. “Did one of them hit you?”

Laci considered lying, but opted for the truth. ‘Kinda. Benny got in a fight and I tried to stop him, he accidentally hit me. That’s it.’

Watching her carefully, looking for the hint of a lie… but could find no reason to suspect anything other than what she was told.

“Wait out here, fill out these forms, he’ll be done soon” She began to walk away.

Will cleared his throat. When Lorelei turned back to him, she was greeted with a cheeky smile. “Yes?” She asked.

Will raised an eyebrow at her. “Well?”

She smiled back, but put her hands on her hips, challenging him. “Well what?”

At that, Will scoffed, still keeping his smile despite his mock offense. “Well?! You basically accused me of hitting her, and I didn’t.”

Lorelei's smile was a challenge, ‘keep going’ it said ‘I’m not backing down’ “I won’t apologize for seeing clues and being suspicious. You work in my line of work for one week, you’d do the same. I’ll talk to you when your brother is discharged.” She walked off.

Benny was fine, although she told him to quite fucking around before he found out.

“That girl your sister?” She asked, finishing his discharge papers before she sent him on his way with another worse. She didn’t want to deal with William again.

Benjamin chuckled a little. “No, that’s my best friend, Laci. She’s dating my friend Santiago, you might have seen him picking me up a few times.”

“Doesn’t ring a bell, but I think I’d prefer him above your brother, he’s a pain.”

Once again, Benjamin laughed. He liked to laugh, didn’t he? “Lore, I guarantee you, Santi would be way more of a pain in the ass than Will.”

Lorelei put both hands on his shoulders. “Quick. Fucking. Drinking, Miller.” And she sent him on his way. 

The next time she ran into William Miller she was out to dinner, she was out to dinner with Tyler, less than thrilled with the blatant way he and the waitress flirted as if you weren’t right there. Lorelei couldn’t be too upset with her, a girl had to make money. Little did she know, Tyler was a shitty tipper even if he got a face full of tits every time he got his drink refilled. She wasn’t sure why she was with him, honestly. They met in Philadelphia when Tyler was still in the navy and Lorelei was somehow convinced to leave Philadelphia to live with him here in this little Florida town. Bad idea. But it wasn’t like there was much left for her in Philadelphia either, just a lot of family she preferred not to talk to outside of holidays and birthdays.

So here she was, living with some mid-looking asshole who didn’t do the dishes because ‘You do it better’. This was not the life she had wanted. 

But she also did not want to run into Will on her way back inside the restaurant because she ‘forgot something’.

Literally running to him. 

“Oof” Was the sound above her, strong arms steady of her, keeping her from falling but not holding on a second longer than appropriate. “Sorry about that, ma’am- oh! Benny’s nurse.” Great, he recognized her. 

“Well I’m not Benjamin’s personal nurse, but yeah, that’s me.”

He opened his mouth but was cut off by Tyler yelling. “Hurry up! I’m going to the damn car!” and walk away.

She rolled her eyes, and when they landed back on him, he was frowning. “Who was that.”

“My asshole boyfriend.” She reached into her wallet, pulling out a $10 as she shook her head. “He’s mad because I’m mad he tipped the waitress $2, as if we don’t both make good money” She plopped the money on their table. 

“Well, that’s nice of you. But what on earth are you doing with someone like that?”

Lorelei couldn’t help but scoff at the audacity. “How about you just mind your business, how about that?” 

Was it a little rude? Sure. But She had spent an hour getting ready for this date, curling her black hair into barrel curls, painting her lips red and her eyes with Maralyn Monroe bedroom eyes all to get ignored, and all she had to look forward to was Tyler likely wanting to mess up her make up with a dick down her throat and maybe, if she was lucky, stick a dick inside her for 5 minutes in which she had to touch herself to try and get off. Stupid fucking date, stupid fucking yee-haw town, stupid fucking men. She knew it was bad when she looked forward to work. It wasn’t that she didn’t have friends at work, but that was just it. Work friends. Everyone else her age were married and kids and it was pretty rare they had the same days off and Tyler was always out with his dumbass friends leaving Lorelei alone with her vibrator, red wine and her collection of Liz Taylor remastered movies. Plus, Tyler said he knew the Miller’s in high school, and William was a dick. 

He looked angry for a second, but pursed his lips, breathed, and then looked… sad. “I stand by what I said, you deserve better.” and with that, he walked away. 

Annoying ass. 

The next time she saw him, they didn’t talk until she had opened her eyes after passing out on the floor. Of course they went to the same goddamn gym. She should’ve known, she’d seen Benjamin here a time or two, but never his brother until now; at least as she knew.

Benjamin wasn’t accompanying William, however. Clutched to his hand was the same very small woman from that first night, straight blonde hair grown out to her shoulders now. Noting the hand holding, she concluded they must be dating. She was wearing cute workout clothes, expensive, and Lorelei couldn’t help but wonder how she managed to be so thin. She knew it was unprofessional; a nurse knows it could be anything from an eating disorder, drugs, high metabolism, sickness. It didn’t necessarily mean she was trying to look like that… still, Lorelei couldn’t help but watch them as she ran on the treadmill. She was surprised to see then go to the weights… maybe she wasn’t trying to be so skinny after all. Her face had filled in more since she saw her last.

Shaking off the distraction, Lorelei got back to work and speed up the treadmill; she was trying to get to a 10 minute mile, the focus should be on the time… but she kept looking at the calories burned section as it ticked higher and higher. She couldn’t help it, setting the speed fasting and the inclined higher.

And higher.

And higher still.

She closed her eye to make that last push… and didn’t open them until she was on the ground, her arm burning, and even though she was certain her eyes were open she couldn’t see. All she was aware of was touch and muffled talking above her as some clothe was placed over her and the distinct feeling of her sports bra being cut off; she felt like she could breathe again. Was she roofied? No, she was at the gym… why did her arm hurt? She was being picked up by strong arms and soon felt the of a fan as she is placed on her side. Recovery position. Whoever was with her knew their first aid.

Slowly but surely she came into consciousness as her vitals were being checked, opening her eyes one more to find William god dam Miller hovering over her, worried expression relaxing just a tad when he saw her wake up. 

“What the fuck- what happened?” She pushed his arms away from her, not thrilled with being touched while technically naked under the- what is it? Jacket? 

“You passed out on the treadmill. I noticed you were looking rough so I can to check on you, good thing I did, was able to pull the emergency stop when you fell. Not fast enough, I’m afraid.”

Lorelei glances at her arm. “What the fuck? Fucking ow.” A bad rug burn on her arm, dried blood and open skin. “Fuuuuuckkk” She went to sit up, but was stopped by tiny, soft hands keeping the jacket firmly on her chest.

“Sorry.” The woman said. “Your bra was really tight, so we cut it off.”

William was quick to clarify. “She cut it off, don’t worry.”

She wouldn’t have been concerned with well-intentioned help from a man needing to cut off her bra, but the fact he had the forethought to cover her up and have a female do the work close to her chest… well, she couldn’t find anything to be irritated with today. 

Sirens in the distance.

“Oh, yeah, Laci called an ambulance, just in case.”

Yeah, she should probably go to the ER. Between the burn and passing out, it was a good idea. “I need my phone.” Fully expecting it to still be at the treadmill, Lorelei was surprised to see the blonde girl, Laci, pull it out of her own jacket. Lorlei must be wearing Will’s. Dialing Tyler, she dreaded telling him. “Tyler, I need you to meet me at the hospital.”

‘What did you do?’

Lovely. ‘“I passed out at the gym-”

‘Your going to the ER for that? Lora, that’ll be like, 3 thousand dollars!’

It wouldn’t be nearly that bad with hospital insurance. “You don’t pay my goddamn bills anyway so what do you care? Just get there in an hour to pick me up.” She hung up on him. Asshole.

Laci was dodging her eyes and William looked sympathetic. “We could go with-”

“No, I’m fine. I just need to get checked up and bandaged but it’s probably nothing.”

William wasn’t buying it. “I don’t want to just leave you stranded with that shithead doesn’t show. It could be heat stroke, or a seizure or-”

“I know the causes of fainting, William, thank you.” She bit at him, feeling guilty for her harsh demeanor when he helped her, but feeling like the attitude had a life of its own. “But it’s probably just because I didn’t eat yet.”

He frowned. “Why didn’t you eat before running?”

“Ugh, I just forgot, worked a double and there was the crash off the exit ramp so we were busy.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t work out after a double shift when you didn’t eat?” He bit right back, not taking her sass. His girlfriend whispered his name softly, something that seemed to calm him.

 The ambulance arrived, and Will helped her sit up. “Put your arms through the sleeves. Lace, can you zip up the back?”

Lorelei tried to protest that she didn’t want to steal his jacket, that she was sure the ambulance had a blanket she could cover with but Will wouldn’t here it. Lorelei slept in that blue jacket sometimes after that… it was really soft.

They kept meeting accidentally, over and over again, for months. He always annoyed her. He always had something to say about her relationship, her choices, and whenever she snapped at him he sassed right back… but never unkind, never rude. Maybe that was the infuriating part. He wouldn’t be deterred. She wanted him to just stop talking to her. She had a boyfriend, he had a girlfriend… but that didn’t stop her from fantasizing about him in the bath as he fingers played between legs. It wasn’t her fault he was that god damn handsome… and tall. So tall… he had almost a foot on her at least and his shoulders were so goddamn broad. Did he play football in high school? He did, she found out, after finding Tyler’s year book and looking for Millers in every grade. There he was, William John Miller. He did football, and surprisingly enough photography all 4 years as well as choir, and track. 

Curiosity got to her and she found Benjamin Joseph Miller a year below him, same class as Tyler, but also found his pictures in the football teams page next to Will. After digging through all 4 of Tylers books and getting all the information she could, she sluthed out that Benjamin was in wrestling freshman year, then a linebacker the next 3. He also did arts, but no photography. Drama, oral interp, graphic design as well as welding and woodworking. Freshman year he only did wrestling and had very few pictures. The next two years is when he joined all the clubs, many pictures with him next to someone named Cameron. Then, after junior and senior year he was only in football.

A little more digging. Cameron Andrew MacDonald was in William’s class, putting him a year above Benjamin and Tyler. Did Cameron drag Benjamin into all these activities? He was in Drama, oral interp, graphic design, welding and woodworking all 4 years. Interesting, interesting.

She looked for every piece of the puzzle that was the Miller brothers she could.

Will’s girlfriend doesn’t seem to be in the books so they didn’t meet there.

A senior beach trip where Will kept his shirt on amongst a sea of shirtless men. A bit odd, considering the body of a football player is something they usually like to show off, but that wasn’t her business.

Benny playing Hamlet.

A lot of pictures with Benny. He seemed to be well liked, at least the later years.

When did she start calling him Benny?

After being so nosy she couldn’t help feel… attached in some way.

All that came to a culmination in the very early spring, she stood outside in that very same blue jacket and PJ pants, faced away and scrolling for hotel options that still had rooms at this hour when you hear his goddamn voice behind you, gleeful and teasing. 

“Well, well, well, look who it is.” The older Miller chuckled and Lorelei turned around to see him walking towards her, smiling with his hands in is pockets. “We’ve got to stop meeting like-” He stopped dead in his tracks when he noticed to glisen of tears in her eyes and the bright red mark prominent even on her golden brown skin. His face immediately darkened. “Who did this to you.”

She couldn’t help but feel relieved to see him. Did he get on her nerves? Yes. But she knew he was safe. “Tyler, but-”

William turned on a heel, storming up the steps to the apartment complex door.

“William, wait!”

“I'm gonna kick his ass!”

She grabbed his hand. “I already did!”

Lorelei showed him her fist and he took it in his hands. They were so large, the skin callused and rough, but the touch was so careful as he examined her left hand that she was pretty sure knocked out a tooth. Or two. There was some blood on her skin and her fist and wrist hurt, but there wasn’t going to be much red showing up with her skin tone. It would probably swell in a bit, however. She was not someone who really knew how to fight, her win came from an element of surprise. Lorelei long suspected Tyler though dating her meant a docile asian wifey, not expecting someone so short to put up a fight. He underestimated the power of her anger.

“You punched him?” Will asked when his blue eyes, still bright in the darkness of night, finally looked into hers again.

She nodded. “A few times.”

The tiniest smile crept up onto his face. “Impressive. I can still go do it again if you want.” He was mostly joking, but something told her he would actually trek up to the apartment and pummel him again.

“No, that’ll just get you arrested. I at least have self defense. Right now I’m just trying to find a hotel, but all seem to be booked.”

He didn’t even hesitate. “You can stay with me?” When he saw her hesitation, Will quietly clarified. “Nothing weird, the guest room door locks from the inside. I just…” He didn’t finish his sentence.

“Thank you, but I really need somewhere to stay longer term until I can find my own apartment.” Her reasons for not going with him were less because she didn’t trust him, although he had an inherent distrust of men, but more her need to be independent. It was crippling, sometimes, but having to ask for help… it was humiliating.

“You can stay long term.” He insisted. 

Lorelei’s scoff was perhaps a little ruder than it needed to be. “Yeah, and what would your girlfriend think of that?”

Confusion spread across his handsome features. “My what?”

“Your girlfriend. Or wife or fiance or whatever.”

“I don’t have a girlfriend”

“Did you just break up?”

“Ma’am, I havn’t been in a relationship since 2019.”

She found that hard to believe, an attractive man like this. “Well who the hell is the blonde girl you were holding hands with at the gym and was with you at the hospital?”

He stared at her for a second, brows furrowed before they unknotted in realization. “Oh! You mean Laci? She’s not my girlfriend, that’s my friend's girlfriend- well, fiance. They got engaged today, actually.” He nudged his thumb behind him. “Was just walking home from their engagement party.”

Now it was Lorelei’s turn to look up at him confused. “Then why the hell were you holding hands with her?” A little side action with his friend's girl?

Pausing, Will seemed to be looking for the right words, and immediately Lorelei was put on guard. He must be trying to find the right words to convince her; to lie. He must be sleeping with her behind his friend's back. 

“She gets… nervous, out in public. She prefers to hold someone’s hand.”

Weird. Sounds fake. “Sure. Yeah.”

He sighs. “Listen, you don’t gotta stay long or nothing, but It’s getting real late. If you don’t have anywhere else to stay, my place isn’t far. We can figure out the rest in the morning.”

Well, it wasn’t like she had many other options. “Fine, but we’re taking my bike.”

Will assumed she wanted to get her bicycle out from a bike rack and take it over. What he did not expect was for Lorelei to walk to a parking spot and hop on a motorcycle. “Well?” She looked back at him. “You getting on, or are you just gonna try and keep up on your feet?”

Will almost offered to drive; he knew how to get to his house, after all and he did have a motorcycle license… but something told him even the offer would put her off more. She was not a passenger princess like Laci. So, with nearly a foot difference in height, Will sat behind the woman and directed her where to turn. She was definitely speeding.

Lorelei was impressed. It wasn’t just nice for a bachelor pad, it was nice. A modest house but well maintained, nothing flashy but god, having a house in this economy was impressive in and of itself. And it was clean. There were sparse decorations, but a few framed pictures and collages of pictures were placed here and there; she saw Will with his brother, some friends, a toddler girl, the woman he swears he isn’t sleeping with… 

“Laci put these together for me. Said my walls were too boring.” He had walked up next to her, pointing to one of Will, Benny, two of their friends and the pretty blonde woman. Will was still wearing a shirt, despite them all being on a beach at a lake house. 

“You grow up with them around here?”

He gave her a funny look. “How’d you know I was from here?”

Lorelei went for honesty. “Tyler said he knew you after I ran into at the restaurant. Said you were an asshole but that shows how good his judgment is.”

William nodded knowingly. “Tyler slapped a girls ass his freshman year, so I slapped him back. Surprisingly, he didn’t like it when it was him.”

She giggled, and immediately shut it up. She shouldn’t be finding him this funny, this endearing… damn that Miller charm.

Ever observant, Will noticed her shift. “You hurting or anything? Need ice?”

“No.” Lorelei shook her head. “It wasn’t that hard, he has a weak arm.”

“I meant for your hand.” He smiled down at her playfully, referencing her left hand.

“Oh. Yeah. I guess.” 

Expecting him to get a bag of frozen pee’s, she was surprised when he came back with a wrist wrap. “No ice?”

“It’s an ice pack that wraps around the wrist.”

She forgot Ben did MMA… but she had a feeling these were more for his fighting outside the ring. 

“Came at a good time, Ben’s been staying out of trouble for once so the room’s actually nice and clean.” He gestured her towards said room and they began walking.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get out of your hair soon enough and it’s back to Benny’s”

After reiterating she can stay as long as she needs, Will gave Lorelei a spare toothbrush and pointed her to a cabinet where he keeps toiletries for any overnight guests and was impressed to find pads and tampons along side decent quality shampoo and conditioner of a few kinds, including hair care for black hair and thin hair. Must get a revolving door of women, she assumed. He told her there would be pj’s and day clothes in the draws and closet and was expecting to find Ben’s clothes, which would have worked fine, but was taken about by rows of neatly folded clothing in a few sizes. What the fuck.

“Are you a serial killer or somethin?”

Will popped his body around the doorframe but did not step into her room. “Huh?”

Hands on her hips, she motioned to the clothes. “This, the variety of shampoos, what the fuck.”

His face relaxed when he saw what hsi guest was referring too. “Oh! All that! Well, I never know whose gonna need to stay the night. I try to keep things on hand incase someone drinks too much or needs a place to crash. There’s some toddler girls clothes and pull ups in the bottom drawer, don’t be alarmed.”

She was slightly incredulous at that. “What for?”

“My niece.”

Benny didn’t have kids, and she knew they didn’t have any other siblings. Lorelei narrowed her eyes. “You don’t have a niece.”

A bright smile spread on his face, like he knew… he knew she had been asking about him. “Not biologically, but my friend, Fish.” William nudged to the wall full of photos. “He has a little girl, Rosie. Suspicious thing, aren’t you?” He grinned at her, large frame leaning around the doorway. 

She was. She knew she was. But despite her suspicions of Will and most people, particularly men in her life, she stayed with Will that night, and after Will helped her pack her things out of the apartment, she stayed with him a few more nights… until she finally just asked if she could stay until she got on her feet.

Will readily agreed, and when Lorelei asked about rent, he refused, but she refused his refusal. 

“I’m an ER nurse, I make good money. That loser just drained most of it. Few months, I’ll be set again.” They settled on $300 a month, and she knew Will caved just for the sake of her pride.

They worked well as roommates. Will had a high standard of cleanliness that Lorelei appreciated, and the two of them could be independent (Lorelei’s odd hours at work, Will spending days with his friends) and still come home and be on the right track. She liked it, honestly. Lorelei was honestly considering asking about staying longer term (For a more reasonable rent, of course) because he seemed to enjoy her company as much as she enjoyed his. He never brought his friends over, which she thought was odd, but she also enjoyed not having a shit ton of men over and their annoying girlfriends like Tyler would do, no matter what hours she worked. Lorelei did have an admitted crush on Will but… who wouldn’t? She enjoyed hearing him talk about his army buddies and Ben and their girlfriends

There was Ben of course, she knew of him by this point, although thankful his ER visits had stopped. Lorelei chalked it up to his new girlfriend, Alice, but Will didn’t seem like a fan. Maybe she was the one to whip him into shape? Alice went to high school with them all, Will’s class, and apparently they’d been on and off behind Will’s back for a year, but knowing how overbearing Will could be towards his younger brother it was understandable.

Then there was Frankie, or ‘Fish’ as he usually called him. Benny, Frankie and two others had served with Will on a special ops team together. Frankie’s girlfriend, Jana, had been stationed in the army with one of those others, Santiago, and Santiago had set them up. Will explained that after the birth of their daughter, Frankie’s addiction got worse and the pair had broken up for a few years, but Frankie got clean for his family and as of a few months ago, they were officially back together. He explained that’s why he had things for Rosie to stay overnight if needed, just in case Frankie had a crisis.

Then there was Santiago and his fiance, Laci, who she was already familiar with. Santiago and Laci had gotten engaged the night she moved in with Will and were planning on getting married this summer, only a few short months later. Will was very vague on how they met, but Will said Santi had helped her out of a bad place and they had fallen in love fast. He always spoke very fondly of her. Of all of them, really.

There was only one problem. The same problem that caused her to stay with Tyler for so long.

She was really horny and really lonely. Not the kind of loneliness you can make go away with spending time watching movies with Will… the kind where you were almost horny for company. She needed that human connection, a connection so long ago lost on her she craves it wherever she can find it. That strive for approval so intense it’s why she skips meals and goes too hard on treadmills and she needs it, so desperate and so forceful it’s controlled her life, forcing her to constantly find other means of control. 

That loss of control was so strong that when he vibrator was just not cutting it, Lorelei found herself wandering out into the living room where Will sat watching Blue Earth.

That same loss of control is how she found herself, a few weeks later, staring at a positive pregnancy test.

******************

This fic is dedicated to Dolli for always encouraging my Will thoughts (and thots)

I hope you guys enjoy their journey! Lorelei will start off rough with, dealing with ED, pregnancy, her daddy issues and a Elizabeth Bennet-esque arch.

Will, for his part, will be learning to trust himself, show up for Lorelei and the baby, and dealing with Benny's spiral and parental death (fair warning, but it is the death of an abusive parent so its complex

@pimosworld @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @whatthefishh @missdictatorme @milkymoon2483 @poeedameronn @itspdameronthings @miraclesabound

[l0caltiredgirl]

when i want fluff/angst fics and all i’m getting is smut

the struggle is real

[ellabscrush]

— play with my pussy, not my heart.

a/n; this has been an idea in my head for awhile but kept scrapping it, hopefully this is alr. btw my requests are opennn.

𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐞𝐫!𝐚𝐛𝐛𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

cw; smut, mdni, fingering, reader has a nervous habit that might triggering, dom!reader, flirting, language, slap kink once, arguing, abby is a dick here lol, trust issues, angst?? lmk if i missed any!!

sypnosis; your well known girlfriend who has a reputation of being a player finally decides to settle into a serious relationship with you. aware of your girlfriend’s past, abby’s project partner comes to intervene with your thoughts & worries. back and forth arguing isn’t going anywhere, you had to show her other ways on who not to mess with.

— ˚ෆ ⋅˚ —

“it’s just a small study sesh baby, nat even agreed to do it at our apartment!” abby walks towards you as she hovers over, “so no need to worry, ‘kay?”

she caresses your face and pecked your lips.

nat, aka natasha ferreira, is apart of western university’s dance team. you’ve seen her around before wearing white flowy skirts and layered jewelry. you once heard her talking about how her parents got a brand new bmw for her quinceañera.

i guess there was nothing to hate about her, other than the fact she is gorgeous and very talented with her dancing. this was just another one of your stupid overthinking.. right?

“okay abs.. thank you,” you gave her a soft smile.

“that’s my best girl.”

besides, trust was the thing you both had been working on these past months. dating abby was going to be a challenge. you knew it and your friends knew it. though they weren’t too supportive with her intentions at first, you were convinced abby could change her acts if she reallyy tried.

three knocks suddenly interrupted your little conversation. abby sprinted to the door and opens it to find a joyful figure in front of her.

nat gasps, “abby! this is my first time seeing you outside of uni,” she smiles with excitement.

abby smiled back and leaned for a hug, leaving you to stare at them with a lump of jealousy in your throat.

— ˚ෆ ⋅˚ —

one minute you were next to abby, and then the second the brunette is touching forearms besides her with those stupid doe eyes, glossed lips, and weirdly seductive black platform heels. god she’s annoying.

“your handwriting is shit!” the brunette teased, giggling as she leans to abby.

“yeah?” your girlfriend chuckles, “this is what you get for choosing me as your partner.”

nat shrugs, “well then i can deal with it.”

you tried so hard to not be bitter. really you did. but each time you glance at the two across the kitchen island, you swore the both of them were doing this shit on purpose.

sudden eye contacts with you everytime they laughed together, unrelated conversations, and some flirty remarks. oh, and not to mention the obvious footsies that was happening under the table. like you can literally see it.

“fuck me..” you muttered.

“what’s that princess?” abby asks you, the nickname made nat changed her demeanor quickly.

you turned back to meet nat’s eyes, then to abby, and back to nat.

“nothin’ love,” you put a convincing smile.

three hours long night full of giggling and jokes you didn’t even get later on.. you find yourself yelling back and forth in your shared bedroom with abby who literally couldn’t understand where you were coming from.

abby groans, “goddamnit we talked about this!”

“i never did anything to her, you were literally infront of us,” she raised her voice.

“abs, she deadass rubbed her foot on your leg multiple times and leaned to you everytime you both laughed..”you went on, getting more frustrated by the minute.

“well.. we’re just having a little fun, is that romantic to you?” abby asks with her hand crossed to her chest, her facial expression screams ‘you’re being crazy.’

you were exhausted trying to find ways to communicate without bringing up abby’s past, like you both agreed to. however, your concerns shouldn’t supposed to end in argument. you shook your head, letting out a long sigh and sat on the edge of the bed.

“i- i don’t know abby,” you stammered, “i guess it is romantic when they do the things i do to you.. since i am yours.”

you gazed down at your feet with teary eyes while unaware as you were digging your nails into your thighs. this was a nervous habit of yours in which you don’t realize you have been doing it for so long. your girlfriend, however, does.

she slowly walks closer to the edge of the bed and kneeled down to your eye level.

“you are mine.” her voice sounding more reassuring and softer like you could faint at that moment.

“i thought you could’ve been better for me..” you sniffled

abby panicks once she realizes you were crying, “baby no.. fuck i’m trying..”

“trying?” you looked up.

the blonde sighs, “will. i will be better.”

she moved your hands from your thighs with one hand, while other pushes your head closer to hers for a deep kiss. more so, a sloppy one. she wipes your cheeks and the kisses started from sweet, to mean in a heartbeat. abby stroked you waist, making you clench you thighs together.

abby smirks, “you turned on princess?” she asks and you just whimpered in response, “fuck.. i gotta wake up early tomorrow.”

knowing your girlfriend has plans tomorrow morning, this sparked an idea in your head. abby can become a submissive mess when you’re in charge. so you decide to show her other ways who not to play with, and whose pussy she can only play with!

“so?” you replied in between kisses, “don’t want me to scream your name tonight?”

.. besides, making her miss out a big free brunch with her friends the next day will be an added punishment you thought.

the blonde smiles and throws you to the middle of the bed, causing you to squeal from the unexpected move. abby aggressively pulls down your shorts and underwear. your wet slick was ready for her.

“look at you all ready for me,” she circles her thumb on your lips slowly, “gotta fuck that jealousy out quick or else i’ll be late tomorrow, princess.”

you smiled maliciously in response as you bite your lip. abby then shoves her two fingers inside your mouth, “open.”

she pumps her ring and middle finger in and out. being all soaked in your drool making it wet enough to fit in your pussy. the sounds of your whimpers made her go crazy. you shut your eyes feeling abby’s cold, drenched fingers sliding inside.

your body shuttered, “s-shit baby..”

the sounds of your wet pussy is practically making abby drool.

“feels so fuckin’ good, keep going,” you ordered keeping a strong eye contact with the blonde, “just like that..”

“that fucking pussy,” abby whispers, you licked your lips looking down at her fat fingers going in and out, “you needy whore,” she degrades.

her words were like fire and heaven at the same time. you wouldn’t be so pissed off at her if she hadn’t let nat be all over her for three hours straight. now it’s your job to remind her whose pussy she can fuck. and the only one.

you let out an airy laugh, “i’m the whore hm? atleast i wasn’t flirting with another bitch,” she looks up at your face. you were trying to keep your composure while being mercilessly fucked.

you sat yourself up with elbows on the mattress, “you proud of yourself huh?” just inches away from her stupid smirk.

“faster,” you demanded.

she curled her fingers inside of you, hitting your g spot like a pro. you can help but let out a moan and rocked your hips in rhythm. that smirk of hets turned to an amazed expression once she hears your juices sloshing around.

“fuck baby,” abby was practically drenched under her pjs wanting to taste you, “p-please need to taste you.”

“nuh uh, you’re being mean all day. you don’t, f-fuck, deserve me.”

abby was desperate just by hearing you speak like this. you’re such an angel around her normally, like when she first met you, you were different than the other girls she had met before. she fell for you. but damn that mouth of yours was killer in bed.

the rare times you controlled her was only when you were pissed off at your girlfriend for the amount of disrespectful flirting that was happening in front of you, or not giving you updates on what she’s doing with her girl friends. however, you can’t blame yourself for having mixed trust issues knowing how many girlfriends abby has had.

maybe you’ve been too patient with her? letting shit go so easily?

“shit- c’mere” you groaned and kissed her viciously at the thought of her fucking another girl. one hand around her neck while the other grips her loose hair.

“mmm, keep going..” you moaned in her mouth.

abby rubs your clit, feeling your juices squirting all over her thighs, “p-please baby.. lemme clean you up” she begs to lick your folds but you resisted.

you slapped her cheek, her needy face turning red.

“shut up,” you growled, “better stop messing around.. i deserve fuckin’ better.”

abby whimpers, putting her head back in frustration. she then looks down to see you, a dripping pussy drunk mess. her fingers were sticky and all tired. however, she’s not stopping until she screams your name.

“atleast say my name when you cum,” she pleaded, “please.”

her voice made you feel every type of way. your thighs starting to heat up, a familiar feeling as you have had fucked yourself with the thought of her in the past. pounding noises as you thrust your hips on to her fingers harder puts many heated scenes in your head.

“abby.. oh my god- m’ fucking cumming..”

“that’s my girl, ride daddy’s dick,” she encourages you.

an orgasm was washing over you, “abby you’re mine. fuck- ah-“ you burried your face in the crooks of her neck.

“all yours baby, i’m sorry.” she kissed all over your shoulder, genuinely feeling bad that she didn’t give you the reassurance you wanted earlier.

“abs- fuckfuckfuck,” you screamed out, screaming her name loud enough the apartment below could hear you, “i hate you so much..”

“i love you princess.. love it when i make you cum..” she admits. your legs shaking like crazy, feeling overstimulated.

you know how that goes..

once you orgasmed, you let abby suck her fingers, tasting every bit of yourself. and just like that, you were laying down with a fast pounding in your chest. she caresses your stomach and kissed all over your body, still needing to feel you more. but knew you needed her the most.

“hey, you okay?” she asked softly, looking at your sleepy eyes. she just wanted the both of you to be good. “i’m fine.. just a little tired. i feel like you don’t know how badly it hurts me to see you purposely being all over people like that.”

abby sighs, knowing she fucked up. she didn’t want to be that person anymore. she loved you, really, but her actions just aren’t the thinkable. you both sleep skin to skin while she stays up to watch you fall deep in your sleep.

“i love you, angel.” she whispers. feeling all the guilt in her chest, your girlfriend pulls you in closer.

of course, she had to make it up to you the next day so she cancelled all plans. it’s not like she got up in time anyway.

well now you both know she won’t ever be doing that shit again.

— ˚ෆ ⋅˚ —

[elliespassagerprincess]

house wife reader x mean ellie 👀 ellie works long hours on the weekdays and takes out all of her anger on her docile wife who cooks all her meals, does all of her laundry, cleans the entire house, and make sure ellie’s satisfied 24/7.

Satisfied - (ellie williams x housewife reader)

hi anon! mean ellie? hell yeah. I hope you don't mind, but I added my own twist. I hope you enjoy <3

Pairing: mean ellie x housewife fem!reader

requests are open, feel free to leave one!

HUGE warnings: toxic relationships, murder, gore, violence

Summary: in which you were the perfect housewife

authors note: I'm literally trying to empty out my request inbox, so be ready because there's a bunch of fics coming your way!

"so when last have you seen her?" The police officer asked as he sat across you.

"well she went out yesterday and she never came back"

you saw him look at you and Ellie's house as he was taking notes.

"Any arguments?"

"No"

once again you saw the pen write something on some paper. You wanted to know what exactly he was writing about.

What was talking him so long? You wanted him to fucking leave.

"Thank you for answering these questions, we'll call if we need anything else" the officer said as he stood up.

"Thank you for your hard work! Do I need to walk you out?" You asked with smile

"no, I'll show myself out" was all he said as he walked towards the front door.

As soon as he was out of sight you got up and ran to window to check if he was gone. You watched his car pull out the driveway, and you let out a sigh of relief.

fucking finally.

You ran to you and Ellie's shared room, and between heavy breathes you said "she almost caught us baby".

You walked towards the bed, where Ellie's decomposing body lay. Flies circled her body, her skin was pale and cold to the touch.

You put some of her hair behind her ear "it's ok now, they'll never catch us" you whispered

You loved Ellie. And you would anything for you. Anything including quitting your job and becoming her housewife.

In the beginning you hated it, staying home, cooking, cleaning. But when Ellie praised you, you fucking loved it.

And soon after you became the stereotypical housewife. Cute outfits, aprons that matched whatever you wore. You always woke up before her, to prepare her favorite breakfast. You cooked her dinner.

You fucking did everything.

The two of you were happy. Until Ellie got a promotion. She got more work, the pressure was getting worse for the poor girl.

Ellie came home late and most nights she barley even slept. You tried supporting your wife as best you could. You tried cleaning the house before she came come. You did all her laundry, you even chose her outfits most days.

But it was never enough for her.

One night you cooked Ellie's favorite meal. A prideful smile was on your lips as you put the plate in front of her.

This would cheer her up. You knew it would.

Ellie glanced down at the plate, and she looked back at you. The dark circles under her eyes looked even darker than they did yesterday.

"You are so fucking pathetic" she started.

"I work all fucking day to come to this shit? And look, this table is dusty" she added.

Ellie got up from where she was sitting and she threw the plate filled with food onto the floor. "You have cleaning to do, and don't fucking serve this shit again" she walked out of the dining room and you sat there mouth agape.

This was the first time she's ever said anything like that to you. You sobbed in the kitchen that night. You felt sick to your stomach.

Everything you did was for Ellie and for the first time she wasn't satisfied with you.

Your main mission in life became to serve. To serve her. But what do you do when the one you did everything for, wasn't satisfied?

The next morning you woke up bright and early, and you cooked Ellie a widespread of breakfast. Fruit salad, bacon, eggs pancakes and so much more decorated the table.

You heard the bedroom door open and you saw her walk out, she glanced at the table

"I'm not hungry" was all she said and she walked out the front door.

You were shattered.

Since that day everything you did was wrong.

You couldn't clean right.

Her fingers ran along the cupboard, and she looked at you with a frown.

"Can you not clean right? Should i get a maid? Because you cant do shit"

you couldn't do the laundry right.

you stood in the doorway watching Ellie fit on her suit. She looked herself in the mirror before she made eye contact with you.

"It's still wrinkled and there's a stain" she pointed out.

"fix it" was all she said before she threw the clothes on the floor.

You couldn't even cook right.

Ellie only had one spoon of her food before she pushed her plate to the side

"what's wrong?" you asked

"this is disgusting"

it hurts. Every insult Ellie hurled at you hurt.

You knew she was stressed but it didn't give her the right to take her stress out on you.

One night you tried talking to Ellie. But she didn't want to. She didn't have energy for this.

"Don't you have a house to clean? Oh wait you can't even do that right" she said through a chuckle.

You snapped.

You let out a scream as you grabbed the lamp on your side of the bed. You jumped onto the bed, and you shit her over and over again.

"I"

*hit

"am"

*hit

"the perfect"

*hit

"housewife" you yelled.

Blood littered the walls, and your hands. Heavy breathes left your mouth as you looked at the scene.

"Oh Ellie I'm sorry! This room is filthy! I'll clean it"

you scrubbed the walls, you changed the bedding and you gave her a bath.

Everything was back to normal. It was all clean.

You looked at her decomposing body. She looked peaceful and she wasn't being mean anymore.

This was the girl you fell in love with.

You gave her a kiss on the forehead before you muttered "its time for breakfast" and you left the room to start making your girl breakfast.

You weren't sure how long you were going to get away with this, but for the time being you were happy.

She was better dead anyway.

[hunnylagoon]

The Girl That Time Forgot

Ellie Williams x Reader

Find me in one thousand years, I will always be waiting here.

Premise: Ellie is the only time traveller who uses her uncommon gift to rewind time and constantly pester you-the only immortal who made a deal with death in 412 BC and is cursed to walk the earth for all eternity. Forever was promised but you never knew the price.

Warnings: death / murder / mentions of suicide / self-harm / toxic relationship /sickness / violence / angst / war / mentions of drugs / lovers?friends(ish)?enemies? it’s complicated / mild gore / things get nuts

ONE-SHOT | WC 18k (so you know what you’re getting into)

AID PALESTINE!

Athens, Greece- October- 412 BC

Come back in one hundred years, you'll always find me here.

Rain splashes against the skin of your face in lands of ancient Greece, where the winds themselves whispered stories of gods and heroes, neither of which you were. You were nothing more than a frightened woman running away from an unforgiving husband in the dead of night where your quickened heartbeat falls in rhythm to the ocean which is almost as angry as the storm that roars above.

Carefully you dodge the jagged rocks sticking out from the sand, you had memorized each and every one after days of burning your skin on the shores. Water surged against the rocks near your feet, white froth sizzling in the waves retreating like it was trying to drag you in and take you for its own.

Your heavy breathing was devoured by the heavy rain and cracks of lighting, the sounds of thunder so deep it was like Zeus himself was stomping in the clouds. Despite the night being dark you trusted the moonlight that glimmered off of the ocean to guide you. You have nothing more than the soaking wet clothes on your back, jewelry to sell, and the drachmas you had stolen from your husband tucked away safely in a wool tagari purse.

Someone grabbed your wrist, stopping you in your tracks "Hey!" They say, though you can't quite make out the figure in the dark you know it's a woman from the voice alone. "You need to go home." Fear pushes adrenaline to course through your veins at the sound of an unheard tongue babbling in your ears.

Your eyebrows furrow, clutching the bag even harder in your free hand. "Φύγε από μένα!" You scream, trying to force your voice to be louder than the malicious storm that brews over your head. You try to pull your hand away but the woman stands firm hardly even moving.

"Fuck," She mutters, you don't understand a word. In this moment you feel like a rabbit preparing to get devoured by a wolf, whoever this woman was you were shaken to your core like you had just uncovered a dead body. "I forgot that you can't speak English yet."

You struggle under the grip of the woman, using the hand which was holding tightly onto the tagari and begin to hit the woman before you to pry her off your wrist "Δεν θα πάω πίσω, τον μισώ μέχρι θανάτου!" You shout voice loud as thunder.

"Ow!" She said wrinkling her nose and trying to apprehend the hand that was hitting her "Can you stop?" She asks, even though you can't understand her it's worth a shot in her mind.

This does nothing to stop your protest, you only hit her harder hammering your purse against her head until she finally lets go of your wrist to block your swinging. Lighting cracks and just for a moment you catch a glimpse of her. Short brown hair that falls at her shoulders, and freckles across her face, something you had never seen before. What frightened you wasn't the sharpness of her green eyes but her clothes, an alien concept to you. She didn't wear a tunic but a scratchy blue fabric tight on her legs and what to you resembled a baggy grey burlap sack with a piece of cloth hanging off the back. In recent years it has come to be known as jeans and a hoodie.

"Δαίμονα, μάγισσα, φύγε!" You smack her once more for good measure and turn quickly on your sandal-covered heel to get away from her. You were as wild and untamed as the ocean itself, with eyes that sparkled with a craving for more than honey dripping down your tongue and salt smeared across your lips.

"Remember I tried to help you this time!" She shouts, her voice is so far off in the distance that you barely heard it through the storm. Even if her words were clear it made no difference, you didn't speak her tongue, and any warning fell unheard upon your ears "Have fun being twenty forever!"

You ran even faster than you had before, you didn't even turn around to see if the woman was still on your tail.

The salty spray stung your cheeks as you ran, your breath ragged and steps unsteady. The wind howled in protest, whipping at the wet hair that stuck to your face and neck, tearing at your white peplos, turned translucent on your body by the water. But you paid no heed to the fury of the elements, for you were driven by a desperate need to escape.

As you reached the edge of a rocky outcrop, your leather sandal caught on a slick stone, sending you tumbling to the ground. With a sickening thud, your head struck against the unforgiving rock, and the world around you spun into darkness.

You were dead. Body limp on the plethora of rocks, the tide slowly lulling over your body until it swallowed you whole and sucked you in deeper. Ropes of hair twist before your dull eyes, unmoving into the deep.

You sink further in and open your eyes though you are still deceased, your body still falling cold. Selene stands before you in the form of midnight. Her body was ebony and deep blue, half woman, half moon. Long black hair like ink tipped with moonlight spills down her breasts and her hips, she watches you with her pale eyes imploring.

The goddess before you turns to lead the way, enticing you to follow. Each step sends knives through your limbs. Your mouth tastes like blood and your lungs burn red hot though every time you try to breathe you choke and sputter of nothing, still, you follow Selene into the nothingness ahead.

Finally, she turns, one finger pressed to her lips, signalling you to be quiet. Beside her, a pale soldier appears in fine silver armour chiselled against his muscular body. The areas that the armour does not cover, his arms and an area of his legs between the middle of his thighs to just below his knees, tattered bandages hang around his limbs, They sway in the nothingness and shed by themselves. You see open wounds deep and red, beginning to bleed but his pasty skin sews itself up, leaving no scar behind, nothing but smooth flesh. Wings larger than the man himself sprout from his back. Thanatos.

Thanatos bows his head, hiding his deep sunken eyes beneath a Corinthian helmet. You should be afraid that you face the god of death but you aren't. This is a better fate than being hauled back to your husband.

He takes his helmet off, long dark hair falls onto his shoulders and he regards you. Thanatos is wordless as he stares at you, taking in every of your face, every curve of your body. He doesn't speak but you understand him well, too much beauty to go to waste.

Selene has left you to take her place back in the night sky, she watches you were she hangs on a beam of moonlight. In one hand Thanatos holds a silver knife. Your voice betrays you, for once your loud screeching voice is lost.

He holds out his hand, pitch black at the fingertips. You can tell he is trying to strike a deal as if he had put his words into your mind without ever even moving his lips.

You look at his hand and then at his face, death was less frightening than you had imagined, handsome for a god who took so many lives. He lets his offer sit and settle within you, he doesn't try to sweeten the deal, he offers you another chance and that is that.

The second you shake Death's hand, he pulls away from your grip and takes the silver dagger to your heart. With ease, he slices back layers of flesh in one swoop leaving your bones exposed before him. Using what seemed to be little effort for the god of death, he breaks your ribs and pulls out your heart.

You watch it beat in his hand, the blood drifting out of it like ribbons that hook around your limbs, you know you have made a mistake. For the first time, Thanatos smiles. Oh, how the wolf wore the sheep as a wicked disguise. he squeezes the heart and at the crush of his hand, you feel ice shoot through your veins.

Your eyes open, properly open. You were alone. You wake up in nothing more than a metre of water and immediately cry out in pure terror at the horrifying images that your mind has conjured up. You run through the salty ocean and back to the shore.

The storm hadn't subsided which helped to camouflage your sobs as you frantically felt around your body with shaking hands to be sure that the god of death hadn't ripped out your heart. Surely enough, your rib cage was intact. You fall onto your hands and knees heaving up all of the ocean water you had swallowed.

The purse that held your resources for escaping had either been devoured by the ocean or stolen off your body. Your wirey hands touch the back of your hand, you expect to shudder under the pain of the open wound that knocked you unconscious. Instead of pain shooting from a gash in your head, you are perfectly intact.

You look down at your hands, no trace of blood.

Maybe it was time to start believing in myths because you were in one.

Rome - July- 116 AD

Don't they know it's the end of the world?

At the center of the world, you had been buried alive for three years after switching places with a Vestal Virgin who looked remarkably identical to you in exchange you gained a large sum for your alleged death. When you were buried you hadn't thought much about how you would get out, you just knew that you wouldn't suffocate or starve.

After the second year passed you were beginning to think that offering to get enclosed in a stone tomb with bread, water, oil, a candle, and a bed wasn't a great way to live your abnormally long life. The air grew stale, and the silence of the tomb echoed with the whispers of the dead that surrounded you on all four walls.

Before sleeping every single night, you prayed to the gods to take your life but they never listened. What you once thought to be a blessing had turned out to be a curse, no blessing would make you crave death the same way you craved sunlight and cream. You had given away the gift of aging for a sweet pleasure that quickly became bitter on your tongue.

The first few moons after you had slipped into unconsciousness you truly believed it at all been some strange hallucination caused by smacking your dead until you took a steep tumble and fell on your husband's hunting knife only to pull it out of your body and watch the skin over your stomach fix itself up, leaving no evidence behind that it had ever happened aside from the blood on the knife.

All you know to do is survive.

It's not like you hadn't tried to find a way out of it, some loophole that would shatter the deal and set you free. You had 527 years to try and make some sense of it, but you had given up and resorted to trying to find a way to end your life. Every time you did that, Ellie always showed up to help but you were back together.

You didn't understand the words that came from her mouth, all you knew was that her name was Ellie and she was cursed like you. What was she cursed with? You weren't sure but she seemed a little less miserable with you.

Ellie would come into your life now and then, usually an unwelcome surprise, she always knew where to find you. The only consistent face that you've seen for 527 years. She seemed to know more about you than you knew about her.

Overhead of the tomb, you see a crack of light slip through one of the stones that sealed you in. A tremor shook the earth, and the ancient stones of the tomb began to crumble. Light spilled into the darkness as the walls collapsed around you.

Surely enough Ellie's head looked down at you. She smiles and extends a hand to help you out "Sorry I took so long, I had to time it right with the earthquake, you picked poor timing to get buried alive." She hauled you up, and you stepped over the rubble with bare feet, careless of whether you gut them on the freshly shattered stone or not, you knew that they would heal over regardless.

Despite still not understanding her tongue you were for a change, glad to see her. As you suspected, your feet had been sliced up, leading a little trickle of blood in your wake. The moment you reached the surface, you collapsed to the ground. The city was crumbling around you but they were the ones who locked you away in the first place. You ignored Ellie's unknown words and felt the lush grass for the first time in three years, the heat of the sun resting on your skin.

Beside you, Ellie wrinkles her nose. "You've definitely smelled better," This is one of the times when she dresses appropriately for the era, a toga slung around her toned figure. "Oh, I thought you might be hungry so I brought this, I know you don't have to eat but I figured it would be nice," She unfolded a piece of cloth beside her revealing a small stack of round pastries that had little brown dark spots in it, nothing you had seen before.

You furrow your eyebrows, partly in confusion, partly because your eyes were still adjusting to the light after being enclosed in darkness for three years. "Τι κοιτάζω;"

"They aren't bad I promise," She says, she had made an effort to learn Greek for you but it proved too difficult, all she knew was the odd word. "They're cookies and don't tell anyone because I'm pretty sure they don't get invented for six hundred years."

Ellie speaks freely like you comprehend every word that she says. You make a face that almost resembles a snarl as you eye her and the cookies suspiciously.

"In a few more centuries we're cool with each other," She eats one of the cookies, slowly taking a bite to show you that they were edible. The cookies are a little too good however and she eats the entire thing in mere seconds, speaking through a mouth full of crumbs "Maybe more than a few centuries," She corrects herself "It's like a thousand years and then some but you come around."

She looks once more at the confusion on your face and gives up on trying to verbally communicate, instead she just holds the cloth holding the chocolate chip cookies towards you and looking into her eyes as sharp as a wolf, you hesitantly take one.

Norwich, England- November- 1327

I can't take my eyes of you.

In the dimly lit streets of the town, where the stench of death hung heavy in the air and fear gripped the hearts of its inhabitants. People no longer walked freely around town, they were either sick and on the trek to become puss-filled corpses or they locked themselves away and observed the demise of friends and foes from their windows.

You had seen civilizations rise and fall and witnessed the ebb and flow of history itself, but nothing could have prepared you for the horror that awaited you in the plague-ridden streets of the town. As the death toll rose with each passing day, you donned the garb of a plague doctor, your face concealed behind a grotesque mask adorned with beak-like protrusions filled with aromatic herbs that helped to cover the sickly sweet smell of rotten corpses.

Armed with little more than your knowledge of ancient remedies and a desperate desire to ease the suffering of the afflicted, you ventured into the heart of the epidemic, where the sick lay writhing in agony and the cries of the dying echoed through the night like they were eating themselves alive.

"Jeez, this isn't good," Ellie appears beside you, out of thin air like she tended to do. Now she was wearing a green dress, long bell sleeves and a golden trim around the dress, she wore a white vale pushing her hair back. Though she was dressed for the time period she looked out of place in the garb of a noblewoman, surrounded by the sick and dying peasants. "I can't stick around too long because an official vaccine for the bubonic plague isn't developed until 2072."

"How many people will die from this?" You ask, voice somewhat muffled from the leather mask, stuffed with herbs.

"About fifty," She trails off "Million."

You were not a god's chosen but a god's cursed. You had already suspected her to say something along those lines. Your voice failed as you watched the searchers who had been employed by the city, dragging dead bodies off into a pit to be buried in a mass grave.

"Look on the bright side-

"There is no bright side," You turn to walk away from her, shoving Ellie into the back of your mind.

With each patient you tended to, you felt the weight of your immortality pressing down upon her—a burden too heavy to carry, yet one you could not escape. You watched as the plague consumed the bodies and souls of those around you, leaving nothing but death and apathy in its wake, a dream that this would be over soon.

Immortality was a mockery, you thought yourself to be a spectacle to the gods above, nothing more than cruel entertainment. As much as you run, you get nowhere, you always end up in the same place, watching those you developed bonds and memories with die.

As the days turned into weeks, and the weeks into months, you fought tirelessly against the tide of death, your resolve unyielding even in the face of overwhelming odds. But with each passing day, her heart grew heavier, burdened by the weight of countless lives lost and the knowledge that she alone would bear witness to their suffering for eternity.

A boy on his porch cries for his mom and dad who will never be coming home, his sobs echo through the narrow streets like a wolf's howl.

As the moon cast its ghostly glow upon the desolate streets, you stood amidst a sea of bodies, your gloved hands stained with the blood of the fallen. The plague had taken its toll, claiming the lives of all those you had sworn to protect, leaving you alone in a world consumed by darkness.

Henry, a stonemason who had no family aside from his little brother now cries over his body. Sam, the young boy had been hit hard with the disease, the sores covered almost every inch of his body and turned black upon his ebony skin. You had watched every stage of his sickness, there was no cure other than comfort, the only thing you couldn't offer to Henry at that moment.

You could turn the brothers into poetry but you couldn't offer up the immortality that you carried like a cross you had to bear.

He held Sam's corpse in his arms, hugging him close and sobbing. Henry was freshly infected there was no way he would make it out alive though you weren't sure that he even wanted to after watching his baby brother's hands turn pitch black and seize up.

How strange that you, someone who was not deserving of eternal life, was the one burdened with it. People are dying and you can't get a grip.

With a heavy heart and tear-streaked face, you cast aside her mask, the symbol of your futile efforts to defy the inevitable. For in that moment, you realized that no amount of healing could undo the damage wrought by the plague, and no amount of compassion could ease the pain of those who had been lost.

You turned your back on the town that had become your prison, the echoes of its suffering fading into the night. For though you were immortal, you were not invincible—bound by the chains of your own existence, condemned to wander the earth as a silent witness to the fleeting moments of life and the relentless march of death.

Salem, America- April- 1692

Immortal she, return to me.

The paranoid colonial Massachusetts was not the place for a woman who never ages. You grew careless of covering up your secret and lived on the outskirts of Salem, seen by few but that didn't aid the treacherous rumours whispered about you.

You had been there when they settled in 1626 and hadn't aged a day from the time you settled. This had spread into rumours of you dancing with the devil, practicing witchcraft, and bewitching townspeople.

Though many denied your existence, all fingers pointed towards you when two young cousins began acting erratically and were given the diagnosis of being under an evil hand.

The courtroom was a hallowed chamber of unjust judgment, where the accused stood trial before the watchful eyes of the magistrate and the hushed voices of the gathered crowd. You stood, with your hands bound and your head held high, faced your accusers with a steely resolve, eyes burning with a fire that refused to be extinguished.

As the trial unfolded, it became clear that justice was but a mere facade—a thin veil masking the insidious machinations of those who sought to rid the town of its perceived evils. Witnesses were coerced, evidence fabricated, and lies spun like silk until the truth became little more than a distant memory lost to paranoia and skepticism. In the crowd, mixed in with the townspeople, you saw Ellie.

Her steady gaze on you was unmoving and ever-focused, a small smile played on her lips while she watched you face the accusations, anger simmering deep inside you like a curse.

Despite protestations of innocence, you were found guilty of witchcraft—a verdict as unjust as it was inevitable. With a silent prayer upon your lips, you were led to the gallows, where the noose awaited you like a taunt.

You had still been bound by your hands in front of your grime-covered dress from being imprisoned in a dark cellar for a month which felt like mere hours in your lifespan.

A man named David, one of the wealthiest residents of Salem and the first to seek warrants against the accused innocent aided you into stepping onto the back of a cart. The crowd surrounding you cheered while a church member slipped the noose tied to a tree around your neck.

"Hang the witch!" Ellie shouts and you lock eyes with her, feeling nothing more than bitterness and resentment. She still seems unfazed and somewhat amused like she's seen this a thousand times, she likely has. You know she had already watched you 'die' over and over again, Ellie was desensitized to it.

"Hang her!" Another man yells, following Ellie's act in tow. They scream all around you, jeering for your death which would never come. David and the churchman step off the wagon and the crowd gets even louder, anticipating a broken neck and lifeless eyes. David gave a command and the horses pulling the wagon were off, leaving your feet to flail helplessly over nothing.

Even as the rope tightened around your neck and the crowd jeered and spat their curses. Though you couldn't die the pain of the rope restricting your breathing still ran you ragged. For just a brief moment you pretend to die, and those around you cheer. There is so little hesitation in their voices, they were glad to see you dead.

You begin to thrash around, kicking your feet. When the townspeople realized you weren't deceased their cheers of victory fell into silence as you coughed and sputtered on the build-up of saliva and blood choking you. An eery silence falls upon the land while they watch in horror, waiting for you to die. Ellie bites back a smile from where she watches you. You bring your hands, bound together by the wrist to reach up and grab the rope that you hung by. Gathering all the force you can you yank it harshly, over and over again until it finally snaps and you fall to the ground.

David's face falls completely. You had known him to not truly believe in witchcraft but the murder of innocents and threatening women. The look in his eyes when he saw you stumble to your feet. "Witch!"

"Ay, I am the witch!" You shout, the townfolk backing away. You slip your hand where the rope strangled your bent neck, the moment the noose comes loose you pull it off over your head, holding it in one hand. In only seconds the broken bones in your neck heal and you bring your head up, chain raised tall, the wound where the rope dug into your neck disappearing "I am older than your oldest god, I am more ancient than the winds, and more sacred than your cross." You say, only to frighten them.

"Kill her!" David shouts to which no one answers, they are either running or frozen in terror, saving themselves before anyone else.

David isn't fast enough to run, you grab him by his hair and drag his struggling body back beneath the tree where he had hung you. In the blue hour of the day, you hooked the severed noose around his neck and began to walk, dragging his trashing body back to your home on the outskirts of the town. David's body eventually fell limp, still, you dragged it over the rocks and lumps of cobblestone. You had succeeded in making him as afraid of you as you were of him.

You were the first woman who hung in the trials, far from the last. "Headed west now?" Ellie asks, walking beside you, utterly unfazed by what she just witnessed.

Boston, America- March- 1770

In the darkness I will meet my creators, they will all agree that I'm a suffocator.

In the cobblestone streets of colonial Boston, where the talks of revolution were murmured, propaganda poured. There you resided, someone once worshipped as a god whose true name had long been forgotten by history.

But amidst the fervour of the American colonies on the brink of rebellion, you found yourself drawn to the heart of the struggle after the church bells had been rung sending confused people onto the streets covered with snow and out of their homes.

It was on the night of March 5, 1770, that tragedy struck with a swift and merciless hand where a pull of a trigger would be written into history textbooks—the night of the Boston Massacre. As tensions between the colonists and the British soldiers reached a boiling point, you stood amidst the thronging crowd.

The air crackled with tension as the soldiers, emboldened by their orders to maintain order at all costs, faced off against the angry mob, assaulting them with snowballs, chunks of ice and oyster shells for hours on end. With shouts and hollers ringing through the night, protesting the raise of tax brought by King George.

Before the rage-filled crowd stand nine English soldiers holding their ground while the mob grows more and more impatient. This had started when a wig maker apprentice got in a spat with a private stationed outside of the customs house who in turn clobbered the boy with his musket.

The eight soldiers and the captain endure the jeers of the crowd led by Crispus Attucks. The Captain, Preston, refused to fire upon the crowd though as he commanded them from the front, in the line of fire.

You push your way up through the crowd, interweaving through hundreds of people. You watch the nine men stand tall against the sea of angry colonials. One of the men is hit hard in the head with a jagged rock, he falls back to the ground his musket clattering neck to him, just then, behind them in the darkness shouts a voice "Fire!"

With little to no hesitation, the man who fell over quickly scuttles to his feet, firing into the darkness of the evening. Then, in an instant that seemed to stretch into eternity, the first shot rang out—a deafening explosion that shattered the silence of the night and sent shockwaves rippling through the crowd. The other men follow, firing a volley one at a time. Beside you, you hear the thuds of heavy bodies hitting the ground, you don't have much time to process it before a bullet lands right in your head, the bullet finds its mark, striking you down with a force that seems to rend your immortal body asunder.

For a moment, time stood still—the world around you spinning in a dizzying blur of pain and confusion. "Hault!" Preston the captain orders, the soldiers cease fire at his command, confused as they believed him to be the one who ordered fire.

You used the rising surge of anger and fear emanating from the people around you to disappear into the crowd. Men grew even more angry at this, some dispersed but many stayed put. There were only a few women in a horde of hundred, it was difficult to go unnoticed with a bleeding gash on your head, you looked more monster than human, skin on your face replaced by a mass of flesh and blood. You brought your hands up to rest on the top of your head, arms out in front of you to cover what was once your face so your already scared neighbours wouldn't see a breathing corpse.

You stumbled around on your feet, pushing yourself through the mass of people, all moving in your opposite direction, making it harder for you to keep your head down. "Is something wrong?" A woman asks, you disregard her, shoving her away from you to keep moving. Your head rang with a high-pitched whistling, echoing through your brain, and you could hardly see straight with the one eye you now had, eyesight fuzzy. Each person ahead of you blurred into the next, blood gushing down your face, so much that it trickled into your eye and tinted your vision.

The wound wasn't clean by any means, not a neat through and through. The gunshot had got you right up the cheek and into your forehead, half of your face entirely blown off. The close impact of the shot caused your right eye to burst, you were scrambling away with no face and one eye.

Already you could feel your body working to put itself back together, still blood flowed down from the horror that was your face, down your neck to soak into your stay and your once grey skirts. You leave a trail of blood in your wake, dripping into the snow that is sure to be found my morning.

At last, you finally pass the crowd, though you don't stop. You stumble into the dark streets, running until you tumble on cobblestones slick with snow and slush, eyesight heavily impaired. "You've seen prettier deaths," Ellie sucks a breath through her teeth, she isn't in the dress that a woman would wear in that decade, instead, she's clad in a red coat, the uniform of a British soldier, her hair tied up and tucked beneath a black cap that all of the soldiers adorned.

She stretches her hand out to help, you take it. Instead of being gracious that she came around to help you off the ground, you take a swing at her face, and when your face makes contact with her cheek you hear a crack. Ellie takes a step back, shocked as you haven't hit her since the night you first met, 2181 years prior to that moment. "Why would you scream fire?" You cry. The second you heard the voice, you knew it was Ellie though you hadn't had time to process it before your face was blown off. "Those men are dead, Ellie, they will never go home to their families or take another breath!"

"They die anyway," She retorts, one hand hovering over her now broken cheekbone. You look at her now, your skull re-intact, eyeball sewn itself up and found its place back in your socket, flesh weaves and stretches over your bones to its rightful place. "Fuck," Ellie mutters, wincing as she touches to fingers to her newfound injury "The second that soldier gets hit with that rock, he gets back up and starts shooting, every single time."

You freeze "Every single time?" The very moment the words fall from your lips, Ellie curses herself "How many times have you been here, on this day?"

"Maybe like," She raises an arm in defence the other still cradling her cheek as she winces"Thirty-seven times give or take."

"You've never stopped it?"

"I have," She says, eyebrows furrowing with a certain longing "It ruins everything, if those men don't die, the American revolution never takes place." Ellie's gaze softens "I know that it's awful but it happens whether you're here or not, it was meant to happen."

Ellie reaches out to hold one of your blood-covered hands, but you are quick to retract it, pulling it away. Your eyes move from where her hand waits for yours to intertwine with it to her freckled face. "How many lives have we lived together?"

Her outstretched hand falls to her side. "I don't want to answer that."

"I want to know."

She shakes her head "You'd hate me."

"I already hate you," Your mouth acting faster than your head.

Ellie doesn't seem shocked by this statement, just a little hurt. "We've had good lives together, you don't hate me every time."

"Who have I been to you?" You ask, new questions surging through your scrambled mind, questions you were sure you wouldn't like the answer to. You knew Ellie had the ability to jump between time periods, though you hadn't known that she'd met you in other timelines.

Looking deep into her downturned eyes your mind runs rampant with who you could've been to her in other timelines that defined what you meant to her now. It was like trying to recall memories that didn't belong to you, but another version of yourself- what could've been.

The hushed silence finally dissipates when Ellie opens her mouth again "I'll see you in a hundred years." With that, she turns and walks away into the darkness, her body shrouded by the cold night where screams of the freshly dead hang in the winds like sickening howls.

Nebraska, America - June - 1883

I'll be seeing you.

"Not a bad place to camp, huh?" Tommy smiles at us while the sun blazes overhead, the group disregards him as they set up camp in a grassy clearing with just enough trees to offer shade to the overworked horses. Few pitched tents while the majority prepared for a night of sleeping under the clear sky, unprotected from the elements.

His question falls upon deaf ears "What's in Montana?" Another man, Issac asks. "We're going all this way and I want to know what I've uprooted my life for."

"Untouched land, you'll be a rich man." Tommy takes the cowboy hat off the top of his head, using it to fan himself off, protesting the sweltering heat that devoured him whole beneath layers.

You eye him, unsaddling your horse, Shimmer. You were in a group of people headed to settle in Montana, many of whom you had never spoken to and didn't necessarily want to. The only ones who you had properly known were the Miller family, Maria had been the one who told you about the trip initially, telling you they needed more gunslingers. With a face that doesn't age, a decade was getting a little too long to stay in Cody and here was your offer to get away.

Joel was speaking in hushed tones to his daughter, Sarah. She was nodding along to each word her father said, you had guessed it was a set of rules, him telling her not to run off or chase down wild animals.

You shower your sweaty chestnut horse with little pats and scratches, and she gives you a snort in response as you begin to wipe away the grime she's accumulated over the day's journey. Your entire life was packed away into two saddle bags, there wasn't much room for luxury in the Wild West. Times were harsh and lands were rugged, more commonly violent than anything you'd ever seen.

As you move in front of Shimmer to pet her soft face, she sneezes on you, reverberating on the rubber lips. You scrunch up your nose, and bring your sleeve to wipe your face "You're lucky you're cute," You mutter, hearing the sound of giggling and looking to find Sarah "Hey little lady."

"Hi," Her accent was thick, she came straight from the heart of Texas. Sarah was still young, the things you knew about her dad were only what she had told you, oversharing their personal life.

"Leave her alone now," Joel walks up behind Sarah, her wide eyes looking up at him.

"I don't mind, Joel," You answer. "I saw some sour cherries by the river if you care to come pick 'em with me," You say looking at Sarah whose head immediately shoots to her dad "As long as your father says it's okay."

Sarah silently pleads with her daughter, his gaze is still cold like steel. "Maybe tomorrow," He answers and Sarah's face drops. Despite knowing the Millers for months, Joel was always iffy about letting Sarah out of his sight. He knew almost as well as you how vile the world was, especially to young girls.

"Maybe tomorrow," You repeat Joel's words, digging around in your saddlebags for a small wicker basket and cloth to spread out at the bottom "I'll see y'all around," You give the pair a nod before heading down the bank.

The walk was quick and scenic if you ignored the overwhelming heat and the entirely too many layers you were sweltering beneath. You closed your eyes and let your spirit lift with the sounds of rustly grass and the flowing river nearby. The air was thick with the sweet smell of wildflowers mixed with an earthy bitterness from the ground beneath your feet.

You walked towards the tree, carefully plucking ripe cherries. They reminded you of the same ones you once picked back in Greece, as you ate them the juice smeared down your lips you laughed with your sibling, pretending that you had been blood drinkers or angry gods drinking the wine that was poured for them.

You often find solace in reminiscing over all of the people you have been in the span of one lifetime. You've been a wife, doctor, witch, god, poet, farmer, handmaiden, dressmaker, priestess, and now you were just a woman picking cherries and planning out her next facade. What awaited you in Montana? Hopefully somewhere peaceful, a cabin by a stream where you could live alone and lay outside in a grassy meadow, waiting for the sun to swallow you whole.

After filling the wicker basket, almost to the brim with small sour cherries, a little larger than the end of your thumb. You turn to walk back to the campsite, though you pause at the incline of the riverbank and decide against it, instead, you find yourself sitting under the shade of the cherry tree, staring to the other side of the riverbank.

You thought that you could've spent the rest of eternity under that cherry tree where you listen to the songs the earth sings for you. Here, the air is clean. The river itself was a sight to behold, a ribbon of shimmering blue that wound its way through the landscape, its waters sparkling in the sunlight like a thousand diamonds. Here and there, small ripples danced across the surface, creating patterns of light and shadow that played upon the sandy riverbed below.

Someone sits next to you, you can sense them awkwardly shuffling around to try and get comfy, from that alone you knew it was Ellie. "Hi, it's been a while," You say, voice quiet.

"Hey," She takes a cherry out of the wicker basket beside you, she bites into it, juice dribbling down her chin, nose scrunches when the sour taste hits her tongue. "Fuck, that's sour."

"They're supposed to be, they're sour cherries," You look at her face to see a large dark bruise engulfing one of her cheekbones, it spreads under her puffy eye bag, giving her a real shiner over her eyelid. "What happened to your face?"

"You," She says, pressing her lips together "After the Boston massacre you hit me pretty hard, remember?"

Your eyebrows furrow "That was more than a hundred years ago."

"For you," She corrects "It's been a little under a week for me."

Your gaze shifts to the glimmering river in front of you "That must be nice," That familiar sense of bitterness set in once again, the reason why you could never stomach being around Ellie for too long. She could blip in and out of your life as she wanted but you were the one forced to sit through thousands of years of torment and longing for the sweet release of death that taunted you in mirrors and the eyes of those who thought they knew you well.

She falls short of words to say. In your eyes it was nice, in her eyes, she faced the woman whom she had married in another life who held nothing more than a little resentment for her now.

"I am sorry that I hit you," You mutter, spitting out the pit of a cherry beside you. "You did cheer for the colonials to hang me though."

"And I am sorry about that," Ellie rolls the stem of a cherry between her fingers, more focused on it than any of her beautiful surroundings. She had seen every bit of scenery that there was to see, her favourite was seeing the dinosaurs, they were much more scary in person than they had been "At least you're an urban legend now."

"What's it matter to be an urban legend when you've already been a god?" You say "It just does not get more interesting than that."

"Yeah, watching you eat your own heart in front of terrified ancestors was pretty cool." Ellie flicks the cherry stem into the river, watching it get swallowed and pulled away by the currents "I'm glad you aren't still mad at me, if I were you I'd probably have a knife to my throat by now."

"I think I'm finally getting wise after two thousand three hundred four years," You joke, digging your teeth into the flesh of another cherry.

"What? You don't look a day over one thousand," She teases, a smile ever so slightly playing on her face.

"Thanks, I was worried."

"Don't be, you look great for your age."

She was joking, her tone light-hearted but something inside you breaks just a little more. You look at your hands, not a wrinkle or callous, no sign of the exciting and extremely terrifying life you had lived, just smooth young skin stretched over ancient bones.

You should've been nothing more than a skeleton buried beneath centuries-old rubble and flora by now. "Yup."

Ellie fiddled with her hands, trying to think of something else to say, she didn't want the conversation to be over just yet. She clung to every word you spoke like it was scripture and she was the most devoted follower. "What are you gonna do in Montana?"

"I think you know better than me," You answer, eyes focused on the water glittering in the blistering sunlight, beads of sweat resting on your brow. "Care to share?"

"Can't say."

"How come?"

She shrugs "I don't think you want to know."

"Well, how many times have I travelled with this bunch?"

"I've lost count," Ellie lies through her teeth, she knew every statistic, she had turned back time to the ancient cities 872 times to be with you. It slowly got easier to face you every time though it never replicated the love you had that first time, a high Ellie was forever chasing.

"Oh," You respond, leaning against the trunk of the cherry tree, sinking into yourself.

The silence stretches between you two. You had actually missed Ellie in the century that she disappeared completely; you found yourself waiting for her to show up around a corner and say something to annoy you.

After swallowing back another cherry in silence you open your mouth to speak "Ellie, whatever I meant to you, whoever I was, I need you to know that I'm not that girl-

"I know-

"I don't think you do," You say, discarding the stem of the cherry beside you "I need you to forget about any life we had together, at least until you get bored of this one."

"I don't get bored of it, I could never get bored of you," She answers.

"Then why start all the way from the beginning over and over again?" You ask "Just to watch me beg for death?"

Ellie shakes her head "I just can't let go of you." She listens to herself "I guess you're right, I'm holding onto someone who doesn't exist anymore." You watch the realization strike Ellie, with each rapid blink her eyes get more and more watery "I'm sorry, I know it's selfish."

"It is," You answer, feeling no urge to coddle "I'm not her, I know that you loved me but I don't remember what you used to be to me. I'm sure I loved you a lot, but I doubt that I do every single time."

Ellie nodded, using the heel of her palm to wipe at the tears that threatened to spill "Okay," Her voice hardly above a whisper "Just see this life through and I promise I'll fix everything, you live a good life, I promise." You stare at her blankly for a moment before nodding. She must know what waits for you in the future, something sweet perhaps, like sugar resting on the tip of your tongue. "I'll always hold you close but I'm learning you let you go."

"I appreciate it," You say, the ghost of a melancholy smile on your face.

The heat of the day finally disappears into the coolness of night and with that, Ellie disappears too, likely to be seen in another year.

The night was draped in the thick, velvety darkness that you only got in the west, where the only illumination came from the crackling flames of a campfire. Around it sat your sorry crew of companions, their weary faces highlighted by the flickering light, casting shadows that danced across the rugged landscape. They had ridden hard all day, herding cattle across vast plains and navigating treacherous terrain, but now, as they rested under the vast expanse of the starry sky, they sought solace in camaraderie and laughter.

"Y'all hear the one about the preacher who walked into a saloon?" Tommy began, his voice gravelly from years of dust and tobacco. Several others in the group had already called it a night, resting their heads beneath the stars that hung in the ink black sky.

The others leaned in, eager for the punchline.

"He says, 'I'm lookin' for the man who's been sleeping with my wife!' And a fella at the bar stands up and says, 'You'll have to narrow it down, preacher!'" The group erupts into bellowing laughter at his words and you can't help but smile at the pure joy written on these gruff men's faces.

"Alright, alright, I got one more for ya," Wyatt announced, his voice carrying a hint of challenge. He was an unnerving man from the looks of it, tall and intimidating but after the first day you had spent with him, he treated you like a baby sister, ready to go to war for you at the drop of a hat. The others perked up, their interest piqued by the promise of one last ribald tale."So there's this rancher," the cowboy began, "and he's got himself a problem with his bull. See, this here bull is getting up there in years, and he just ain't performin' like he used to."

A ripple of knowing laughter spread through the group, anticipation building for the punchline. Joel sat beside you, he had no interest in the jokes nor did he find them funny, all he got from it was a small detox from his life of overworking himself into exhaustion.

"Now, this rancher, he's heard all kinds of remedies for puttin' a little pep back in a bull's step," the cowboy continued. "But none of 'em seem to do the trick. So he finally decides to consult the local veterinarian."

The rest leaned in, hanging on every word.

"The vet takes one look at the old bull and says, 'I got just the thing for him. There's this new experimental treatment I've been workin' on. It involves a little bit of whiskey.'"

The campfire erupted with uproarious laughter, the group hooting and hollering at the unexpected twist, it ws far from the funniest joke you had ever heard, still, you laugh. Some slapped their thighs, others doubled over with mirth, and a few wiped tears of amusement from their eyes.

"And you know what?" the cowboy concluded with a grin. "After that little glass bottle was emptied, that ol' bull was buckin' like a bronco."

As the laughter at last subsided, the fire crackled softly as men began to say their goodnights and lull for the night. They sat in comfortable silence, their thoughts drifting to the vast expanse of the frontier and the challenges that awaited them come dawn and dreams of the promised land of Montana.

"Y'know, fellas- and madams," Wyatt addresses you and Maria, "We've been tellin' jokes and carryin' on like a pack of fools, but there's somethin' to be said 'bout the bonds we share out here on the range," he began, his husky voice tinged with sincerity.

The others nodded, aside from Joel who was studying the fire in front of him, tuned out from the conversation.

"I reckon there ain't nothin' quite like the brotherhood of the trail," he continued. "We ride together, we work together, and when the chips are down, we stand together. Through thick and thin, come hell or high water, we got each other until death takes us all." Wyatt takes another swig of his moonshine "We may come from different walks of life, but out here, under these stars, we're all just cowboys," the cowboy mused. "And there ain't no bond stronger than that."

"That ain't true," Issac poked up "I know that not one of us will see each other once we get to Montana, we're all goin' our separate ways."

"Don't mean there's no bond," You peep up.

"How's that?"

You shrug "Your heart is just too young to realize."

The group stops for a moment before erupting into ragged laughter, Tommy almost has tears in his eyes at the fact that you had called the man seemingly 15 years older than you young "Kid, you're too young to realize how bad life gets."

"Sounds about right."

Cape Cod, America - May - 1937

To say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels.

In the hazed ambiance of the club, the air reverberated with the lively tunes of Duke Ellington, and the floor pulsed with the infectious rhythm of swing. Amidst the whirl of dancers, there you were, dancing so exuberantly that others backed away in fear of you swinging on them; though that was the nature of swing dancing, almost a fight to keep your nose unbroken.

But even the most seasoned dancers could only keep up for so long. As the night wore on and the music continued to play, you found yourself in need of a moment's reprieve. With a smile still lingering on your lips, you tapped your partner, Richard's shoulder, signalling your desire to take a break. You hadn't known him well by any means but he was a good dancer.

Leaning against the cool plaster of the club's wall, you breathed deeply, chest rising and falling in time with the music. You closed her eyes, savouring the lingering sensations of the dance. Little did you know, your moment of respite was about to be interrupted in the most unexpected yet delightful manner.

A voice, smooth and warm, broke through the cacophony of sound around you. "Mind if I join you?" the voice asked, accompanied by a gentle tap on your shoulder. Opening your eyes, you found yourself face to face with a strikingly handsome man, his eyes twinkling with a hint of mischief. His black hair parted to the side and slicked over as well as his dark eyes soft as snow added to his undeniable charm.

A bemused smile tugged at your lips as you nodded, welcoming the interruption. "Not at all," you replied, voice carrying a hint of amusement.

With a casual elegance, the man leaned against the wall beside you, his gaze drifting out across the dance floor. "You're quite the dancer," he remarked, his tone tinged with admiration. He was wearing a white button-up tucked into pinstripe trousers being held up by black suspenders.

"Thank you. I've had a good bit of practice." You smile softly "Your name is?"

"Jesse," He answered "Care to tell me who I'm talking to?"

"Midge," you lie, it was the name you had picked up for your residence in Cape Cod.

"Midge," he repeats smiling as the name rolls off his tongue "You might just have the prettiest smile in Cape Cod."

You can't help but grin "And I thought I had already met all of the gentlemen around these parts."

"Must've been wrong," He said with his crooked smile. Then, after a moment's pause, he extended a courteous offer. "Can I buy you a Coke? It's the least I can do for such a captivating dancer."

You couldn't help but be charmed by his sincerity and manners. With a twinkle in your eye, you nodded in agreement. "I would like that very much."

Your conversation flowed effortlessly as you sipped on your cokes, exchanging stories and sharing laughter amidst the ringing of the club and chatter of individuals all around. With each passing moment, the two of you scrambled for things to talk about, desperate to keep the spark of conversation alive. You had just prayed that you could pull yourself away from his magnetic charisma.

As the night wore on, the music gradually began to fade, signalling the end of another unforgettable evening. Reluctantly, you rose from your seat, a sense of disappointment tugging at your heart while you watched Jesse lean back in his chair studying you like a textbook.

"Well, it looks like the night's coming to an end," you remarked, a wistful smile gracing your lips.

Jesse nodded, his expression mirroring her sentiment. "Indeed it has," he replied, his voice tinged with a hint of hopefulness. "But perhaps it's just the beginning of something new?"

"Perhaps," You agreed, gaze lingering on his handsome face.

That was when you had broken the only rule you created for yourself 'Don't fall in love'. One year later you were so head over heels for Jesse that you were getting married. Dressed in your floor-length wedding dress, hair carefully curated after spending hours trying to perfect it.

You hadn't any family to fill up your side of the aisle, so instead you had asked your friends from work and the jazz club to take their places. After telling Jesse you were orphaned, he didn't bat an eye at this. You had frantically searched for someone to fill the shoes of your father who walked the earth centuries prior on the shores of Greece, it was a relief when Jesse's father stepped up.

Walking down the aisle of the church, arms hooked with Jesse's father you see him then, standing at the end waiting for you and he looks like the rest of your life. "You clean up nice," You mutter to Jesse quietly to be sure no one else can hear your little remark.

"I try my best," He smiles, hands in front of him as he waits patiently for the pastor to speak up. He looks handsome as the day you met as you look remarkably the same, not a new scratch or wrinkle upon a single inch of your skin.

As you exchanged vows, the both of you unable to fight the wild smiles on your faces, the world seemed to stand still, as if holding its breath in anticipation. With each word spoken, you pledged your love and devotion to one another, promising to stand by each other's side through all the joys and challenges that life would bring and you meant every word.

The reception was nothing short of perfect in your eyes. Everyone gathered at Jesse's parents' home, flowing in and out as they pleased. You however preferred the outdoors aspect of it, where people chatted happily with a glass of champagne in hand.

"Congratulations," Ellie says "Little bummed that I didn't get an invite," There's an odd sense of bitterness in her voice. She's wearing a blue tulle dress at tea length, blending in perfectly around the other guests, long white gloves to cover the tattoo on her forearm, and she even had her shoulder-length hair pin-curled.

"I figured you would be coming around either way."

"You know me too well," She takes the champagne flute out of your hand and swallows it back.

"You're actually the one who knows me too well."

She nods, faces expressionless while she looks around at the scenery of the yard. "Good luck."

"I'm sorry?" You furrow your eyebrows trying to seek out some tell on Ellie's face that would give you any indicator of what's racing through her head. Still, she's unreadable.

"With your marriage."

"Okay?"

"What's the plan here anyways?" She asks picking up someone's glass of wine the second they place it down on the garden table and turn their head away. "In thirty years, you're still married to Jesse, he's sixty getting wrinkly and you're still young and beautiful?"

As Ellie goes to drink the wine you take it out of her hands, putting it back on the garden table. You think of something to say to her, anything, but the words die in your throat, shrivelling up, never to be said.

"I will say that you becoming a history teacher is very funny."

"Did you just come here to sulk?" You ask.

She shakes her head slightly "I've come here to celebrate your union," Ellie glances around the yard once more.

"Then celebrate," you throw your hands out "I don't see you doing anything other than slinking around."

"Honey, who's this?" Jesse strolls up beside you, putting one hand on the small of your back. He smiles brightly as he looks at Ellie, he has known all of your friends which wasn't a bountiful number to begin with, just other teachers you worked with and some people you danced with.

"Oh!" You force a smile onto your face "This is my old friend from New Orleans, we really have some catching up to do."

"Nice to meet you, I'm Jesse," He holds out his hand.

"Ellie," She says shaking it.

"When did you become friends?" He asks "Midge hasn't told me a whole lot about her school days."

Ellie looks at you, she doesn't say anything but you get the message being conveyed. 'What the hell are you doing?' she shifts her eyes to look at the groom "God this one was just wild, keep an eye on her," Ellie forces a fake laugh.

"Really?" He has that goofy lopsided smile painted on his face as he looks at you.

"Yup," Ellie says "So, when are you planning on having kids?"

"Oh," Jesse chuckles, somewhat nervously "We haven't discussed that much."

"It seems like something you should talk about before getting married-

"Thank you," You cut her off "Ellie," You couldn't stand the idea of outliving your child let alone your husband, though it was already an inevitable fate.

"Of course," She's wearing a smile that is bordering somewhere between penitence and condescension, Ellie's looking at you like you're in the gutter.

"Looks like rain," Ellie glances up at the increasingly greying sky before walking inside the cover of the house. "Bad idea," She whispered in your ear as she brushed past. In mere moments after she enters the house thunder cracks and rain dumps from the sky, heavy and harsh, beating against your skin.

Everyone rushes inside, covering their heads as rain showers and soaks them. You and Jesse are frozen, you watch Ellie's figure retreat into the group of people clamouring into the house while Jesse's eyes are trained on you, he can't hold back a laugh.

"Oh no," Jesse's eyebrows furrow as he takes one of your hands in his own and puts the other on the back of your head, staring at your face, makeup running from the rain, hair weighed down by fat droplets dribbling off your collarbone "You spent so long on your hair, what are you gonna do?"

You shake off Ellie's words, cryptic as usual. Your attention snaps back to Jesse once you can no longer see her. The gentleness of his touch, that is his beauty "I'm not sure but I've got half a mind to kiss you," You giggle.

"Yeah?" He takes a step forward "I like that half," Jesse plants a gentle kiss on your lips "The other half is great too."

"You're so odd."

-

It was a quiet Saturday evening in the summer of 1943, the echo of a fuzzy-sounding record player scraping a vinyl filled the room, enveloping you in a certain tenderness.

Jesse, in his crisp white shirt and neatly pressed trousers, held you close, his hand resting gently on the small of your back as they moved together in perfect harmony. Your hair cascaded softly around your face as you rested your head against Jesse's chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat matching the cadence of the music.

As you danced, the cares of the outside world didn't seem to exist, leaving only the intimate space you shared. The faint scent of your flowery perfume drowned out concerns. In the dim light, your shadows danced on the walls. Jesse had never been the better dancer between you though he was particularly tense on this night, his eyebrows were stuck furrowed like every thought running through his head was a worry.

The final notes of the song faded into the stillness of the night, Jesse hesitated, his embrace tightening around you as if reluctant to let you go. Sensing his unease, you looked up at him, concern etched in her features.

His unease wasn't difficult to sense, you pry yourself away from him to take him in completely. "Jesse, what's wrong?" You asked softly, voice barely above a whisper.

Jesse took a deep breath, steeling himself for what he knew he had to say. He held you at arm's length, his eyes searching over your features. "I've been drafted. I received my notice this morning." His voice trembled just the slightest as he took a shaky breath.

Your heart skipped a beat, breath catching in her throat and you thought that this must be what death feels like. For a moment, the world seemed to spin out of control as the weight of Jesse's words sank in. Six years with Jesse was not enough, you needed an eternity.

"We can find a doctor to exempt you-

"You know that's not right," He spoke so softly and you knew he was speaking the truth. You could never convince Jesse to do something as heinous as faking some disease or injury to get him out of the war.

"I know," You say and he steadies himself, staring deep into your eyes and through your soul "My whole life, all I've ever known is loss and I have never cared about anything the way I care about you-

He pulls you forward into his arms, rubbing that familiar calloused hand on the small of your back to soothe you "It's all gonna be alright, love, I'll be back before you know it and then it's smooth sailing for the rest of our lives."

You copied the crook of his neck, the warmth of his arms, the curve of his nose to memory. You caught all that you could before it slipped through the empty gaps of your mind. You hadn't realized that he had been doing the same, memorizing the smell of your perfume, the texture of your hair, the way your eyes caught the light.

He told you to look to the future when he finally walked back through that door and you could dance again but the only thing you could see was the end of the world, starting with you saying goodbye to him.

July 12, 1943

My Dearest Love,

I hope this letter finds you well and in high spirits. It's been quite some time since I last wrote to you, and I apologize for the delay. The days here in Europe seem to blend into one another, filled with moments of both intense action and serene contemplation.

As I write this letter, I find myself missing you more and more. You are what keeps me going through these harrowing and relentless days

Please know that you are always in my heart, my love. No matter where I may be, you remain my constant source of hope and inspiration. I dream of the day when this war is finally over, and we can be reunited once more, never to be parted again.

Until then, stay strong, my love. Know that I am fighting for you, for us, and for a better tomorrow. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers, as I do for you each and every day.

With all my love,

Jesse

December 18, 1943

My Dearest Love,

As Christmas draws near, my thoughts turn to you more than ever. I find myself reminiscing about the holidays we've shared together, specifically the weekend we spent at the cabin. How I long to be by your side once more, to hold you close and celebrate the season of peace and goodwill together.

But even amidst the turmoil of war, I see you in every good thing. Here in the trenches, my comrades and I have found solace in each other's company, we are united in our common humanity and our dreams for a home cooked meal.

I am reminded, now more than ever, of the importance of compassion in times of strife. It is love that sustains us, that gives us the strength to endure even the darkest of days. And though we may be separated by miles and oceans, our love remains as strong as ever.

As I write this letter, surrounded by the sounds of gunfire and the cries of my fellow soldiers, I find comfort in the knowledge that you are thinking of me, just as I am thinking of you. Your love is my guiding light,

This Christmas, as you gather with our loved ones know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Though we may be apart in body, our spirits are forever intertwined, bound together by the enduring power of love.

Wishing you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year. May the coming year bring us closer to ending this war.

With all my love,

Jesse

March 19, 1944

My Dearest Love,

The world is now brighter than the sun because you're here, that is why I will remain giving you everything that I have.

I have been looking at the moon over and over again and wondered if you stare at it the same time as I do, please say yes. I think the battlefields are turning me into a poet, I would love some critique from a wordsmith such as yourself.

Everything here is frightening (redacted)

In light of the events I've just shared, I am looking forward more than ever to waking up and saying good morning to the sleepy woman lying next to me, that's you if you were curious. Here's to the future!

With all my love,

Jesse

August 8, 1944

My Dearest Love,

It is with a heavy heart that I write to you today, for the horrors of war have taken their toll on both body and soul. The past few months have been filled with unimaginable hardship as (Redacted)

The knowledge that our sacrifices are not in vain, that we are fighting for a better future for generations yet unborn keeps these weary bones standing straight.

But oh, how I long for the comforts of home, for the warmth of your embrace and the gentle touch of your hand. In the midst of so much death and destruction, it is your love that reminds me of all the beauty that still remains in the world.

I fear that I may never see you again, my love, that this cruel war may rob us of the future we had planned together. And yet I'm not ready to give up. For as long as I draw breath, I will continue to fight for a world where love triumphs over hate, where you and I can go back to life as it was.

All of the living are dead and I have noticed an oncoming silence.

With all my love,

Jesse

May 7, 1945

My Dearest Love,

I can scarcely believe it – the war is finally over, and victory belongs to the Allies!

We won! Or we think we did, a true win would likely have less bloodshed.

But amidst the celebrations and rejoicing, my thoughts turn to you. How unmanly to cry though I find myself doing so as I write this. The thought of being reunited with you fills my heart back up despite those who have emptied it, for you are my everything, my reason for living.

I cannot wait to return home to you, my love, to begin our lives anew in a world free from the shadow of war. Until then, know that you are always in my thoughts and prayers and that my love for you knows no bounds.

It looks like I'm coming home soon! I'm looking forward to some dance lessons with my one and only.

With all my love,

Jesse

Though you weren't the only one occupying the seemingly empty house, you lived with ghosts. Every step you took they lurked behind you as permanent reminders of everyone you've ever let down; months stretched into years and you clung onto each word in Jesse's letter like it was doctrine. The moment you received that final letter from Jesse you ran out into the streets and hugged the very first person you saw.

"Ellie now isn't a great time to be here," You tell her as she stands behind you in your vanity while you reapply your lipstick "Jesse's home today," You can't help the smile that stretches across your face. After years of hearing from your husband in nothing more than ink over paper, you would see him again and not just in the pictures that you had hung around every corner of the house.

"I'm here to celebrate," She says though she doesn't seem enthusiastic in the slightest. She wears black cigarette pants and a short-sleeved blouse tucked into them. You, on the other hand, had pressed your hair flat only to do it up in pin-curls, wearing your finest dress and most expensive jewelry for your husband's return home.

"If you're going to water down today, you could at the very least pretend to be happy." You were so ecstatic that you didn't even mind that Ellie had chosen today to bum around your house. For once it wouldn't be empty with nothing but your hollowed cries.

"I am happy," She answers "Are you going to wait here for him?"

You shake your head while you put in earrings that Jesse had gifted you on your third anniversary "I'm going down to the train station so I can hug him the second he sets foot back in Cape Cod."

"Nice," She nods "Have you thought about what you're going to do if it doesn't go as planned?"

You furrow your eyebrows, putting the other earring down on the vanity so you can turn back and look at her. "What do you know?" Your smile dropped at her words. Ellie isn't as unreadable as usual, she has traces of guilt across her features and that makes you all the more concerned. "Ellie, what happens?"

Before she can even open her mouth, you hear a firm knock at the front door. "That," Ellie says, you push yourself up from the vanity so fast the chair tips over. You snatch the other earring off of the vanity and awkwardly force it into your piercing as you rush down the hallway as fast as you can in your heels, clickity clack over the floorboards, Ellie trailing slowly behind you.

Your heart was pounding so fast that it reverberated in your head like an echo bouncing off the walls of your mind. A click. A slow creak and you open the door. Sun floods into the room and your heart pinches at the sight of the officer, clad in military excellence with baubles and an olive green jacket.

"Who are you?" Your stomach drops at the sight of the stranger who stands in the place where your husband should be.

The man stared at you, a certain solemn yet controlled grief lurking in his pale eyes. "Ma'am, I am Sergeant Reynolds of the 45th Infantry regiment. Are you Mrs. Midge Maisel, wife of Jesse Chang?"

Your throat went dry. "Yes," You curled your fingers inward, feeling nails push into the soft palm of your hand until the skin broke and you pushed even harder.

You didn't know who helped you sit down when you couldn't move. You only remembered fuzzy voices and the pace of your heart becoming too fast for your body to handle. There was not enough air in the world for you to swallow. The world felt so far away, as did anyone who tried to comfort you or explain the circumstances of Jesse's death.

"After Germany was concurred, he intercepted a grenade ambush from stragglers, saving the lives of many in his platoon."

Everything had stopped spinning, leaving you nauseous where Ellie sat beside you her face smeared in your vision blurry from tears.

Accept our sympathies

Funeral arrangements

The return of personal effects

Bits and pieces of Reynolds's words jumped out at you but you couldn't hear them. Restless nights for centuries were instead what clouded your mind. Outside you could hear families and friends celebrating the return of their loved ones, while you ushered the man out of your door screaming at him to leave. Music played, a celebration you would not take part in but watch bitterly from afar while you plan out the next life you will live.

Ellie begins to speak when the eery silence becomes unbearable "I know you don't want to hear it but this was inevitable-

"Leave," You mutter, resentment simmering inside of you.

"What-

"Leave," You repeat "You knew this was going to happen and you didn't tell me? You didn't stop it?"

"I can't turn the world upside down just to make you happy-

"Then why are you here?" You ask, rage carved in deep despite the tears across your face "I thought you were in love with me and that's why you won't leave me alone."

Her words fail her. She stares at you blankly, trying to scrounge up an answer that would put you both to rest. "We have a good life-

"Ellie, this is not a good life, for you maybe because you don't have to watch me suffer since you can keep skipping to the parts where I'm happy again," You correct her words, fat teardrops streaming down your face while you try to compose yourself the same way that you would a song or a speech. "I'm going to tell you now so you have to get it into your head- We are not friends, I certainly don't love you, I don't even like you and if I ever see your fucking face again, I'm bashing it in."

Bethel, America- August - 1969

If we were vampires and death was a joke, we'd still go out on the sidewalk and smoke.

They wandered through the makeshift villages that sprung up amidst the chaos, where hippies and freaks shared food and shelter, and strangers became friends in the blink of an eye. Your hand was clasped tightly with Dina's while your pupils went wide under the influence.

She refused to let go and lose you in the crowd of sweaty bodies, despite your states you understood well that you would easily lose each other in the sea of people at the music festival and wouldn't cross paths again till night time. She was wearing a turquoise bell-sleeved top paired with a skirt of all sorts of funky patterns and had on at least six beaded necklaces. You'd think that she'd be hard to miss but in this crowd, she blended in perfectly, looking a little bit like everyone else as everyone seemed to bleed together.

You were already high out of your mind the world warping around you, everything moved in frames like an old film. The ground was morphing and breathing under your feet, you giggled with each step, following behind Dina to find the rest of the little group you had come to Woodstock with.

The two of you were nowhere close to the stage, you had only partially come for the music. To you, it seemed like another historic event to add to your list. While most people sit on the ground swaying to Janis Joplin, your small circle of friends was dancing; it was something like them loosely waving their bodies around.

"No one asks me for dances because I only know how to flail!" Dina shouts, laughing so hard that she leans on you for support. You laugh too, head resting on top of Dina's. Her words weren't funny at all but everything seemed funny when fractals hoovered around your eyes. You lifted your head just slightly to see that same freckled face that had haunted you for centuries.

"Ellie!" You shouted, letting go of Dina's hand and making your way towards her, eyes half-lidded and hazy. Dina lulled in place watching you run away from her.

Ellie looked frightened that you had stuck true to your promise of bashing her face in the next time you saw her but instead, you wrapped your arms around her tightly and began to sway gingerly. It was just the beating of hearts like two drums in the rain.

"I'm sorry," You mutter into the crook of her neck. "I missed you, you should visit more."

Hesitantly, Ellie hugged you back, folding her arms around your torso and letting herself sink into you. In the past 2380 you had never hugged Ellie, you hardly touched her. She closed her eyes letting delusion flood her brain, thinking back to the first time she had seen you and then seventy years later when she realized you were immortal and every other timeline she had lived with you.

"I missed you too," She muttered, trying to ignore the fact that you were only saying this because you were high.

You pull back away from her and take her in, all dazed. You give her a boop on the nose with your index and erupt in giggles while Ellie furrows her eyebrows. An idea strikes you and it's apparent on your face as you light up, eyebrows shooting up. "You should come to tell my friends about all of your time-travelling stories!"

Ellie starts to shake her head but you pull her away despite that. She trails behind you as you refuse to let go of her hand, dragging her back to the grassy patch where your friends danced, some of them taking a quick break flat on their backs. "This is Ellie, we've been friends for a long time."

The group acknowledges her, mainly with waves and giggles but Jimmy goes the extra mile, standing up and extending a lanky arm "It's good to meet you."

"This is my best friend in the world forever!" You sling an arm around Dina, calling for Ellie's attention. Dina leaned into your touch, a drowsy smile on her face. "Ellie can actually travel through time."

You tell the group and they all look toward her, eyes squinted and bodies relaxed. Ellie didn't mind, knowing that they were too high to believe her by the time they sobered up even if they did she could go back and fix it. She nods along "It's true and she's immortal." Ellie points at you.

"No, you're not," Dina pokes you.

"I believe it," Weston speaks up from his spot on the ground where he lies with Patricia, her ash blonde hair strewn across the grass "I have never seen this woman so who am I to not believe her." As opposed to the majority of the group whose pupils were dilated from LSD, the whites of his eyes had turned red from the herbs he smoked.

Stevie is still dancing, her loose white dress rustly so slightly in the gentle breeze. Dawn dances with her, her hair the colour of fire tied neatly into two twin braids, she doesn't care about anything besides the way her feet carry her.

"One time I cut out my own heart and I ate it," You giggle, head resting on Dina. Her face was sunkissed, accentuating her freckles. She had let her dark hair run loose.

Jimmy looks at you, through his sunglasses. He has Ellie sitting next to him, his ebony skin a contrast to her paleness. "How does that work?"

"I slice my skin open and then I break my ribs, rip out my heart and shove it in my mouth.

He looks you up and down "Ribs look fine to me."

"I can show you," You look around to find something to cut you open, and you see a large rock with some smaller ones stacked around it. You walk over, all eyes on you as you put your wrist on top of the larger rock.

In your free hand, you pick up a smaller jagged rock that fits into the claw of your hand. You raise the jagged stone up and smash it into your wrist with little effort after the strength you have gathered over the years.

Dina lets out a scream watching your arm bend out of shape, wrist twisted so your hand doesn't sit where it's supposed to. You bring the rock up and slam it down again, making sure to dig into your skin, flesh mangled up on your arm and you brought it up to show everyone. Jimmy scrambled to his feet in a panic, racing through the crowd to find a medic.

"No, it's healing!" You shout after Jimmy. Weston looks at your mangled arm with wide eyes before buckling onto his knees and throwing up. Dawn and Stevie pause their dancing, Dawn froze in fear and Stevie backed away. "Do you see?" You shake your arm trying to show them that the wound was fixing itself.

-

"I can show you," You look around to find something to cut you open, and then your eyes settle on Ellie who shakes her head at you. You knew this meant she had seen the outcome and it wasn't good so you decide to drop the topic, plopping yourself onto the grass.

"Don't you wanna dance?" Dina asks.

You shake your head. You had reserved dancing for Jesse who you knew you wouldn't see again, not even in death since it would never come for you.

The day had eventually faded away into night, the concert still rang loud but you stayed far in the back of the crowd, lying on the ground with Ellie and looking at the stars. "I'm really sorry for everything you've been through," Ellie breaks the pure hum of music.

"I'm really sorry for everything you've seen," You answer. "I thought the war would finally be over," You murmur, thinking back to Jesse and the idea you conjured up of his corpse; you imagined him to be blown into a million pieces, a thought that never left your mind no matter how high you got or what you drank you knew it wouldn't end. You had thought World War two to be the last until the Vietnam War plagued the news and began to pluck men from neighbourhoods all around.

"It doesn't end, not ever," Ellie tells you.

"You should fix it."

"I've tried," There's a hint of sadness in her voice "If one ends, a new one will always spring up."

The two of you fall silent for a moment, heads side to side but you don't look at one another, only the stars. There's something so calming yet unnerving about the inky black sky; it reminded you of the nothingness that consumed you on the night you had given up your mortality.

"I don't want to live," The words fall from your lips so effortlessly. The LSD was wearing off, leaving you to be in control of your thoughts and your body all over again.

"I know."

"I've seen more men die than I can count."

"I know."

"I can't seem to hate you though."

Ellie turns her head to look at you and you do the same. Her green eyes are shining beneath the moonlight, just the shadow of her face illuminated. You lean forward just the slightest and connect your lips into a kiss, Ellie seems surprised but she doesn't fight it.

Once you pull away, you can only seem to make out one sentence "Don't leave this time."

Greenport Village, America - April - 2011

A handshake of carbon monoxide, no alarms and no surprises.

As the late afternoon sun cast its golden hues over the rolling hills of the Greenport, you made your way home planning a quick visit to the beach before doing so, arms laden with bags filled with groceries from the quaint village market, arms laden with provisions that you had no need for, save to fill the endless hours of your existence.

You walked with your timeless beauty that seemed to shimmer like a mirage in the fading light, you had called the Greenport Village home for six years now, finding a position there as a history teacher, your favourite job of the hundreds you had worked. Though the passing decades had left their mark on the landscape and its inhabitants, you remained unchanged, frozen in time like a moth preserved in amber.

You still struggled to come to terms with the fact that death would never take you though Ellie tried to make it easier. All these years and it never felt any better, it was still difficult to swallow the truth.

There was no solace to be found in the quiet beauty of the world around you. For two thousand years, you had walked the earth with Ellie, you, a solitary figure doomed to wander the endless expanse of time and her, the shadow that trailed behind and mocked your existence without intending to. You had seen kingdoms rise and fall, witnessed the birth and death of countless generations, and yet you remained unchanged, untouched by the ravages of time. All of the identification you had forged didn't make you into who you said you were.

Walking towards the beach, you could've sworn that you recognized every face you saw but that was just how long you had lived; everyone you've ever known slowly bleeding into everyone else like a suicide cleanup. You would outlive the kids playing on the seesaw and the toddlers scrambling around them, you would outlive their offspring too and every other generation after that.

Eventually, you found yourself in your usual spot in the park, an old beaten bench outlooking the sea where sunlight danced off of it like sparks.

After the seventies, you had accepted that the land was your only friend, ever-changing just like you, yet it remained miraculously intact. You had Ellie, on occasion, though calling her a friend would be a loose term. You weren't sure what she was but butterflies and maggots had a field in your intestines every time you thought of all of the things she knew about you and how little you know of her.

The lack of trust always lingered. You never knew if she had gone back in time and forced you to forget about something she said or something you asked. How many times had you begged her to go back to the beginning and let you ebb away with old age?

As you sat in silent contemplation, lost in the labyrinth of your centuries-old thoughts, a frail figure approached, leaning heavily on a gnarled cane. It was an old woman, her face etched with the lines of a life well-lived, her eyes twinkling with a spark of something you couldn't make out.

You shifted slightly on the bench, making room for her unexpected companion. The old woman, her steps slow and deliberate, lowered herself onto the seat beside you, exhaling a contented breath as she settled into place.

For a long moment, you sat in companionable silence, each lost in your own reverie. "You must be an old soul," The woman next to you speaks, covered in sunspots and wrinkles, grey and white streaks all through her black hair. "When you're old all you want to do is sit and stare at the scenery."

"Yeah," You give her a tight-lipped smile "I'm mature at heart."

The woman furrows her eyebrows for a moment, deep in thought as her brown eyes rake over every single one of your features, studying you like scripture. "I'm sorry," She shakes her head "You just look like a girl I used to know."

"Really?" You ask and then it strikes you like lightning. Despite the withering of her face, it's the same bump of her nose, the freckles across her skin, the curve of her jaw, it was your Dina.

She waves it off "She's long gone by now, haven't heard from her in years." Dina looks off to the ocean, the screech of kids is far off in the distance. Her face drops just the slightest at the mention of this.

"Who was she?" You press, just wanting to hear Dina's voice after decades of replaying memories and performing autopsies on expired conversations like you could somehow revive them and the people who came with.

"Oh, um," Dina hadn't expected you to carry on the conversation, people had stopped caring about what she had to say when time hit her and dragged her skin down. "A friend of mine, way back before you were born. If you could see her, gosh," Dina mutters, salt and pepper hair braided down her back "You could've been her twin."

Your heart was slamming against your ribcage like it wanted to be set free. "Uh, I'm sorry if this seems odd," You say with a shakey breath "But could you just keep talking? I don't want to have to think right now."

Her eyebrows knit together just the slightest, concern growing with your words "About what?"

"Just," You shrug "Reminisce maybe," Nearby there were birds on a wire chirping, it felt like every one of them was talking to you, beedy eyes prying into your veins "I just like stories."

Dina slips a small smile, her teeth not quite as white as they used to be but her smile holds all of the comforts nonetheless "My stories are no good, I'm sure you'll have better ones when you're my age."

You shake your head on impulse, grasping the pieces of her that you still held close to your ancient heart. "No, I don't think I'll get there," You aren't trying to ramble yet here you are, scrambling to reconnect the two of you like this is a film that ends well.

Her smile falters, trying to comprehend the odd woman beside her, beginning to contemplate that you're high on something, suspicion growing more solid with each shake of your hands and blink of your watery eyes. "Are you alright?" She lowers her voice.

"Yup," You nod, already feeling her slip through the space between your fingers all over again like she had years prior. At this point in your life, you should've been a better liar but you just sat there, tears rolling down silently while you forced your teeth to bear a smile. You wanted to tell her how nice it was to see her and remind her of all of the days and nights alike you had wasted on each other.

It was easy to see how she didn't believe you, from your trembling hands gripping your thighs in an attempt to steady them to the manufactured smile you wore on your face, sadness seeping from your pores. Unlike Dina, you felt that age had made you no wiser. Years you spent studying and chasing careers just to end up faking death and restarting all over again from scraps, losing a little piece of yourself every time.

She places one of her calloused and withered hands over yours where it grasps to the fabric over your thighs. She meets your gaze "Whatever it is, you'll be okay."

Something inside you shifts, then cracks, and crumbles completely. The agonizing pain accumulated by thousands of years spilled out of you in the form of tears as salty as the ocean spray that simmered on your skin. It was like every awful thing you had ever felt was going to burst through the gaps of your teeth.

There was entirely too much going on in your head when you inched forward and wrapped your arms around Dina, chin resting on her neck. It took a minute but you felt her bony hands rest on your back while she returned the gesture, albeit confused.

You were glad you got to see her again. Every time someone passes through your life you think of all of the things you would do to speak to them one more time. You had finally been given a blessing, something that balanced out the bitterness of eternity. "I'm sorry, Dina."

The second you spoke you regretted it. With what little grace you have left you manage to pry yourself up, sheepishly standing to your feet and trying not to wobble like a colt. Dina's bygone face held more confusion than ever, mouth slightly ajar as she watched you with wide eyes like a doe. "Honey, I think you have the wrong person."

Your feet move faster than your head, not leaving Dina behind a second time but a complete stranger. You had only been sick with nostolgia. Panic shot through your veins like box cutters trying to find their way to your heart, which they surely would.

Your day's shopping had been left behind at the bench along with all of the dreams you once etched into indigo skies and sandy shores, now all they did was rot at your feet, at least they had the pleasure of aging.

The feeling of screaming was creeping up your body in shivers, you hugged yourself all the way home, swivelling your head every minute to be sure that ghosts weren't following you but they always had a way of sneaking up on you.

What purpose did you serve? Anything mildly important you had ever done was lost to time, gone, forgotten. You didn't get the luxury of having children with the one you love, you didn't even have anyone to love. You drag your mud-covered heels all the way up the steps of your stoop slamming the door behind you.

With trembling hands and a mind consumed by anguish, you began to tear through her home with frenzied desperation, your movements fueled by a maelstrom of emotions too powerful to contain, the urge-no, the need to die. You ripped books from their shelves, their pages fluttering like wounded birds as they scattered across the floor in a flurry. You overturned furniture with reckless abandon, the sound of splintering wood and shattering glass echoing through the empty rooms like a orchestra of destruction.

You open your cabinets, dragging your hands behind all of the ceramic and glass, pushing it to the ground and watching them shatter at your feet. What need did you have for a fridge full of food when you don't have to eat? Or a feathered bed when you don't need to sleep, you can't even bring yourself to sleep these days.

Each crash and thud seemed to reverberate through your empty, a haunting reminder of the pain and turmoil that threatened to consume her from within. Memories, once cherished and dear, now lay shattered and broken like all of the ambition you should have forgotten, fragments of an overwhelming life that had slipped through your fingers like grains of sand.

With a guttural cry of anguish, you sank to your knees amidst the wreckage, body racked with sobs that seemed to tear at your very core. You clutched at your hair in despair, her fingers intertwined in the tangled strands like thorns in a bed of roses.

Your eyes snagged on the cabinet below your sink. You crawl over to it, shards of shattered glassware sticks into the soft palms of your hands, porcelain china cutting up your knees. It didn't even feel like anything, you just wanted to feel something.

You pull the cabinet open pushing the other cleaning supplies aside and grabbing the ammonia and bleach. Twisting the caps of and discarding them among the wreckage, you take a deep breath before raisng the bottle of bleach to your lips and drinking, the harsh and ancrid taste making you cringe but you kept swallowing until you could feel a burning in your throat, taking a quick shallow breath and then doing the same with the ammonia, tears brimming your eyes and hitting the few beams of sunlight that struck through your closed curtains like the glimmer from the ocean.

God, it tasted rancid but for a moment, a brief one it had felt like death or something similar. Mouth feeling like plastic throat burnt to rubber you drank until both bottles were empty. You pressed yourself as flat as you could on the floor, soaking in the last moments of feeling as your insides contorted before stillness.

All of the cells you killed were fixing themselves up and after a minute, you felt numb like you tended to. You hiccup, body jerking upwards just the slightest, a spat of vomit now dribbling at you chin.

Deep inside of you, you knew Ellie would be back to fix your wreckage and leave you oblivious to the destruction you not only caused but craved. She would just keep going back until you help something on the spectrum of happy.

Define happy.

Smiling?

Joking?

Laughing?

Not digging through the dictionary to find new ways to try to kill yourself?

That last one sounds right.

"Ellie, I can't do this anymore!" You screeched hoarsely to the empty room, despite the freckled girl being nowhere in sight. "Can you please let me die now!"

You call for her until your throat is as dry as sandpaper, hollow words scraping themselves dry before they can leave your mouth. Your voice is reduced to a pathetic rasp and you pray that she regrets stealing blood from your veins.

"Please!" You scream, fingers gripping onto the marble counter to haul yourself up. You stumble for a moment as you adjust to the jagged shards you stand on. "I know we've done this before but you'll just lie and make me sound like I'm fucking crazy," A sob falls from your mouth like a howl.

You pull a long kitchen knife from the knife block, and watch the silver blade glimmer, a warped reflection of yourself staring back at you. With little hesitation, you plummet it into your stomach, again and again until your midriff is a mangled fleshy mess. Blood pooling out of you like cherry wine. Nothing new.

"Asshole!" You cry out "I know you're hiding around here somewhere!" Your mind immediately went to how many times this situation had played out, on this same day. Maybe you had done something worse.

Lungs burning from screaming, cries throbbing inside of your throat, you have one last idea that had to have happened before. "Can you please stop?"

You turn to face the voice, hair matted, clothes torn and bloody, vomit from makeshift mustard gas sliding down your chin to your neck. You drop the knife, it clatters against the tiles "No," You approach her, each step more certain than the last. "You need to stop, this isn't right."

"I know," She says, face stone-cold a hint of irritation in her tone. She's back in her grey hoodie and jeans, finally, she fits into the time period.

"If you know then why have I been pleading with you to go back to the start and stop me from dying in the first place and making that deal?" You're inches away from her, voice carrying challenge if not bitterness. "Like I've asked you over and over again." Your voice is unsteady like it's being crushed beneath the weight of the world.

"Because I love you," She says, raising one hand to cup your face.

If it were for the chemicals flattering through the air making you nauseous, this act alone almost brought you to your knees with sickness. You don't bother to move her hand though, just shuddering under the touch. "Do you really?"

She nods, gaze softening "Yes."

"Then you'll go back and you'll fix all of this right?"

Her hand falls from its resting spot on your face. "You want to forget?"

"No, I want to die." Silence falls between you. Each rise and fall of your chest shaky and ragged "You keep forgetting that I'm a person, I'm not a concept you've curated in your head." It was hard to find yourself being gentle to her. It was hard to feel bad for her in general with how she treated your entire being as something for her to tune in and out of as she pleased.

Ellie takes a breath in, eyes unwavering from yours "Okay."

"Okay?" You don't believe her "You'll fix this and you'll leave me alone and let me live a regular life without knowing you?" You breathe the moment in, the hopes that this will be over soon. The taste of heartache and war could be washed away from your mouth, you wouldn't meet Joel and watch his daughter die in front of him or meet Jesse and fall in love. The humiliation to be made of rotting flesh then it hits you- how many times have you had this conversation? "I want you to promise-

Athens, Greece- October- 412 BC

I prayed for your breath right here in the shallows.

Rain splashes against the skin of your face in lands of ancient Greece, where the winds themselves whispered stories of gods and heroes, neither of which you were. You were nothing more than a frightened woman running away from an unforgiving husband in the dead of night where your quickened heartbeat falls in rhythm to the ocean which is almost as angry as the storm that roars above.

Carefully you dodge the jagged rocks sticking out from the sand, you had memorized each and every one after days of burning your skin on the shores. Water surged against the rocks near your feet, white froth sizzling in the waves retreating like it was trying to drag you in and take you for its own.

Your heavy breathing was devoured by the heavy rain and cracks of lighting, the sounds of thunder so deep it was like Zeus himself was stomping in the clouds. Despite the night being dark you trusted the moonlight that glimmered off of the ocean to guide you. You have nothing more than the soaking wet clothes on your back, jewelry to sell, and the drachmas you had stolen from your husband tucked away safely in a wool tagari purse.

This time around, Ellie doesn't intervene. She watched you, panic-stricken, fumble over wet sand and glide past slick rocks. Trying to outrun your fears of wasting your life.

As you reached the edge of a rocky outcrop, your leather sandal caught on a slick stone, sending you tumbling to the ground. With a sickening thud, your head struck against the unforgiving rock, and the world around you spun into darkness.

You were dead. Body limp on the plethora of rocks, the tide slowly lulling over your body until Ellie kneeled down next to your body and gingerly guided it into the ocean for it to take. The blood from the wound in the back of your head is sucked away into the sand. She watched your corpse drift out and get pulled down, all she needed was another lifetime with you. You didn't know how miserable you were with her anyway. 

This is not a story about love.

A/N: guys I’m breaking hiatus to post this bc I realised it’s been hanging in my drafts for a century (century haha) Anyways I actually hate this but it felt too long to scrap so thanks for reading.

Perm tag list: @ellslvr @gold-dustwomxn @bready101 @whenlostinthedarkness @veeveeisgay @vqxen

[rrickgrrimes8]

Your Bear Part II

summary: you are found (part I)

Joel Miller x daughter!reader, Tommy Miller x niece!reader

warnings: angst, reunion, violence, infected, happy ending :))

not sure if i like this as much as the first part but i hope yall do. i just want to thank you all for the response to my past few fics (especially your bear). its been unreal. i stopped writing for a while and these were my first ones back so this was an insane response to it! thank you so much for your love and appreciation it really does mean a lot!

also! i tagged basically everybody who left a comment asking for part 2 - sorry if thats annoying idk ive never done a taglist before. thanks for the comments tho :) 

masterlist

request guidelines (new)

requests are open

word count: 2.3k

22 Years Ago...

The world around you screamed for help. People ran around, skin on fire, missing massive chunks.

You wailed as they passed, hands tightened around your ears. You just wanted to find help. You wanted to save Sarah. This wasn’t what you expected.

“D-ad,” You cried, hiccupping, “D-addy!” You missed his touch. You missed his voice and his face. His laugh. You just wanted your daddy.

But which way had you come from?

You stood, idle, in an alley way you didn’t recognize, a man lay a few feet beside you. Blood seeped from his neck, running to kiss the tips of your shoes.

He twitched.

Your breath caught in your throat, the hair on your neck stood high. “D-daddy,” You whimpered, quieter than before, “Please.”

He looked at you now. His face grotesque, the shape of jagged teeth marked his greyish skin. White, stringy tendrils extended out of his mouth as he crawled to you – his legs being left behind as he did.

You screamed when his nails scratched against your shoe. In the panic, your bear fell from your grasp, landing in the bloodbath.

You tried backing up from the monster, but his hand stopped you. His claws captured your ankle.

You didn’t realise you were falling until your back hit the wet ground. You let out a shriek as he trailed up your body. “P-please,” You sobbed, “D-ad! D-addy!”

The creature didn’t even flinch. He opened his jaws further, searching for your small neck, ready to mark you just as he had been.

But a shot sounded off and his weight settled on your petite body.

A strong force tugged him off you, the same force pulling you into their arms. You wailed, fighting against the stranger’s grip.

“It’s okay, sweetgirl, you’re okay,” She told you, rushing you away from the scene, “You’re going to be okay; I promise.”

x

You didn’t know what to make of Jackson. It was nice, you supposed. Weird though. It felt like what you imagined before felt like. Not that you remembered much. You remembered how loud cars were, how the TV remote worked, how to strum a guitar.

You remembered your sisters voice, her hair, how smart she sounded even if you didn’t understand a word.

You wished you remembered your dad. He was a blur to you. Like you had missed a chapter of a book and now a new character had no face. You remembered his laugh though. It was sweet, slow. Like a lullaby. You recalled being held to his chest and feeling the vibrations.

You wished you remembered your dad. 

Sarah had settled in quickly, at least that’s what you thought. She was happy to be around people other than her mom (you tried not to internalise it all that much).

In the week since you arrived Sarah had grown attached to the strangers that took you under their wing. You still weren’t so sure. But when Sarah made grabby hands to the older man and all she got was a dejected smile in response a part of you hurt. You didn’t understand why.

They’d kept their distance or rather he had. Ellie came round every day. She loved Sarah. She loved you, even if, like Joel, you were a little rough around the edges.

But for a reason unbeknownst to you Joel couldn’t be in a room with you for longer than five minutes. You didn’t let it bother you too much. You couldn’t. You didn’t want to make trouble and get the pair of you kicked out or worse separated. 

Ellie had come to you earlier that day, smile wide, cheeks rosy. She had a glint in her eyes, a plan. One you really didn’t want to know about nor be a part of.

Excitedly, she told you about the couple who lived across from her and Joel - his brother. Tommy and Maria and the somewhat new addition of Lily, their little girl. Ellie had told them about you - although missing out some of the major minor details. They agreed to have you over she had said. And despite the age difference between Lily and Sarah the older girl was excited to meet her.

So, there you stood, Sarah shielded from the cold into your chest. You raised your hand awkwardly, knocking a little harder than you expected.

A woman opened the door. She was beautiful, smiley, friendly. You couldn’t tell if that was a façade or not. That made the nerves in your stomach stiffen. “C’mon in, sweetheart,” Maria ushered you inside after she confirmed it was you.

You forced a smile for her, “Nice place.”

Maria nodded, looking around the room proudly, “Thank you.” She urged you to take a seat, letting you know her husband, Tommy, was just dressing Lily.

“So, you’re younger than I thought you would be,” She confessed, “Not to be rude or anything.”

“No, it’s okay,” You cleared your throat, sitting opposite her, Sarah making a home on your lap, “I’m 27.”

“Wow,” She smiled, “And what about her?”

You stroked the top of Sarah’s head, where her hair had slightly begun to grow, “Couple weeks now.”

Maria shifted ever so slightly in her seat, unspoken sympathy in her eyes, “And the father?” You stilled, escaping her gaze you looked towards the coffee table, taking inventory of the odd books they had. “I’m sorry,” She spoke quietly, “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“N-no,” You cleared your throat sheepishly, “There isn’t... her dad did what he had to.” You still remembered his screams.

“I’m sorry,” Maria frowned, hands soothing over her jeans, wishing Tommy would appear to aid the situation.

“Don’t be,” You said earnestly, “He got us here, right? One way or another...” Maria wasn’t sure you really meant that. The lost look in your eyes told her what she needed to know. As did your shaking knee. You’d give anything to have him back. She bit her lip, somewhat guessing the rest.

“Sorry ‘bout that,” A males voice cut through the tension, “Wouldn’t stop squirming for the life of me.”

Maria chuckled opening her arms to grab Lily, introducing you as she did. He blanched hearing that name. He near screamed seeing that face - your face but so much different, so much more mature.

Tommy blinked a few times, wondering if his eyes were deceiving him. He whispered your name carefully, as if you were a wild animal, prone for violence.

Maria gave him an odd look, moving Lily over to you and Sarah. “And this is our sweetheart, Lily,” She told you as Lily began fussing relentlessly in her arms, desperate to touch the baby.

“Baby,” She cooed.

“Yeah, that’s right,” You mused, croakily, inching closer to the pair, “This is Sarah, Lily.”

Tommy wanted to throw up. He felt it dancing up his throat, teasing his uncertainty. He felt stuck. He truthfully didn’t know what to do or what to say. Should he straight out ask you? You didn’t seem to recognise him though. Maybe it was a clone? A doppelgänger? Should he run over to Joel’s for safety away from this confusion? 

Joel.

Did Joel know? He had to know. He needed to know.

“Tommy what’s wrong?” Maria called to him. He choked a little, eyes trailing over to the plaque that watched over their new life. The plaque he knew had no place for your name. He knew it. You were here.

Maria followed his gaze, a weird feeling in her chest as she saw her husband so unlike himself. She read Joel’s daughter’s name. Sarah. Was he freaked out because they shared the same name?

She gulped - it wasn’t just the baby whose name was shared but yours too it seemed. You couldn’t be, right? No- You died. Joel was so sure you died and despite all Tommy had told her, all the hope he had for you, she always found herself on Joel’s side. Funny that. Any other situation she would’ve made a point to oppose the eldest Miller.

But now... You were just five. You couldn’t have survived on your own. You wouldn’t have had a life in this world.

But again, hadn’t you said you were 27?

“Go,” She told him, firmly, “Make sure.” Tommy nodded, failing to hide his tears as you watched in confusion and darted out of the room with a sense of urgency that unsettled your stomach.

“Is everything okay?”

Maria’s attention snapped back to you, “Fine... everything’s fine.”

A disconcerting feeling swam under your skin and a sudden resolve to flee hit you. “I- We should probably go,” You mumbled, bringing Sarah to your chest once more.

“Wait, please,” She attempted, “Just wait.”

You shook your head, apologising softly before rushing out of the house. You caught eyes with two men across the road - Joel and Tommy. They stood on his porch, seemingly arguing with each other.

You spotted Ellie watching through the window, a guilty look on her face - what had she done?

The brothers stared at you as you left the home. Their eyes didn’t leave you for a second. Tommy called your name, desperately but when he moved to catch up with you, Joel pulled him back.

He clenched his jaw as you rushed back to your home, out of sight. “She was my niece, Joel,” He scowled, “My fuckin’ family too.”

Joel shook his head, shaking off the shame Tommy was trying to force on him.

“You don’t get to keep this kind of thing from me,” He yelled, “You- You are unbelievable, Joel.”

“Unbelievable?” He mocked, “Is it so unbelievable that I didn’t want to advertise to the whole goddamn town that she was my daughter when, hell, I don’t even know if she really is!”

“Bullshit,” Tommy spat, “You’re not stupid. You knew. Of course, you fucking knew. You knew like how I knew. One look. That’s all it woulda took you. No… you knew. You were just too scared - like always. And that, your selfishness, takes us all down with you.”

“Fuck you,” He grunted, storming back inside.

“Christ,” Tommy mumbled, turning back to his own home. 

You had a baby.

You were here, alive.

x

You steered clear from the group for a little while afterwards. The whole situation made you heart clench. It felt like a game that you didn’t know the rules of, but they did. All of them did and they were careful not to reveal anything. But you wanted to know - you needed to.

You knew it involved Joel or at least you felt like it had to. The way he looked at you when you first met. The way he spoke. The way he shook. It had to be him. He had to be the answer.

You gave up on your attempts to avoid them when you came to that realisation.

The same realisation that brought you here, at his front door in the middle of the night. You shyly knocked a few times - no response. You repeated the action with a little more force, a little too much. The door creaked open on the contact, but no one came to greet you.

You sucked in a harsh breath as you debated entering. The door was open right? Fair game? Silently you forced yourself to step inside.

Their home was dark - one lamp lighting a whole room. You frowned looking over to it. Someone had to be here, right? Where else would they be so late?

And then you saw him. Joel. The contradictory man. He was asleep. His body was sprawled all over the couch, an empty bottle of God knows what lay beside him as did what looked like... a bear?

Shakily, you took a step forward, his name dying in your throat as you saw the bear in a better light.

It was... yours.

Why would Joel have your bear? The bear that when you were a child was essentially an extension of you. The bear that chased away all the bad dreams. The bear that your dad had gotten you - your dad.

You gulped - the bear you hadn’t seen since the night you lost everything. Since the night you almost lost your life.

Joel shifted in his sleep, pulling the bear close to his chest, careful of its head as if it was a baby. Your eyes burned. A gasp escaped your lips. You could read the chapter now. You can see that character’s face - your fathers face.

Different but the same.

“D-dad,” You whispered before you could stop yourself and backed away.

Your back met the door, slamming it shut. The man jolted awake, alarmed eyes frantically searching the room before landing on you. They grew small, weaker, like he wasn’t all the way there.

Joel watched you closely, taking note of your falling tears, he spoke your name. You choked on a sob, hand clasping over your mouth. “Baby,” He shot up before he had a moment to think and approached you.

You didn’t flinch away, like he expected. You didn’t stop crying either. You studied him now. The wrinkles. The scars. The grey hairs. The same look in his eyes.

“How long have you known?”

He flinched at that. Your voice so familiar, so broken. “Since we met,” He didn’t have to try too hard to understand what you were getting at. He felt shameful, though. This shouldn’t have been the way, right? This felt too casual, too unknown.

You wanted to ask more, yell at him. Beg him to tell you why it wasn’t the first thing that he told you. But you didn’t. Instead you put one foot in front of the other, until you were mere inches from him. “Dad,” You shuddered.

He hadn’t realised how much he missed being called that, how much he missed being your dad.

“Babygirl,” He took your face in his hands, “My baby grown up.” He watched you closely, tears welling up, “I’m so sorry, babygirl. I’m sorry.”

You shook your head, slamming yourself into his chest, “It’s okay. I’m okay.”

“Oh, baby,” Joel wrapped his arms around you, hand cradling the back of your head.

“With me, babygirl,” He smiled for moment before letting it fall, “Don’t go away again, babygirl, never go away again.”

You smiled into his chest, whimpering softly, “I won’t, dad, I promise.” 

x

@meli-blacky @zaweashtonslover @3zae-zae3 @bbciwp @cloudroomblog @white-wolf-buckaroo​ @iguessweallcrazyithinktho​ @myboyfriendisbigfoot​ @mell-bell​ @hummusxx​ @sleepdeprived-barelyalive​ @dilfsaremyfavourite​ @specialagentmonkey​ @slutforstark @lizlil​ @unsaiduglywords​ @ellaprime7​ @aphrcdites​ @zynbsblog​ @imonmykneessir​ @mandowhatnow​ @tomorrowseverything @livelovemusic0996 @icarusthefoolish​ @b-bloop @leemirna​ @hexaecana​ @littleshadow17​ @sgt-morgan​ @adorreeabbie @abbiesxox​ @leviackrmnss​ @eternallyvenus​ @hai-kbai​ @daydreamerblues​ @abbyrxx12-blog @montenegroisr​ @chxosunbound​ @shqwqrma​ @littlemissporter @wonwoosthetic @riri53 @softsakusas​ @prettysbliss​ @katiemars @kik51199 @stupidthoughtsinwriting​ @ellele19 @newavenger @19891213​ @dgraysonss​

[dreamtofus]

I just want to thank anyone and everyone who writes fanfic

like wdym this masterpiece is FREE

ps reblog ur fav fics.

[mdawgswizzleinthehizzle]

this must’ve took forever, but it’s really well done.

luv edits.

[heartpascal]

hoping there’s somewhere to go

▹— joel miller x platonic!reader + tommy miller x platonic!reader

▹— summary: you try to navigate life after the rejection of the only family you’d ever had (part two of weight too heavy to hold alone)

▹— a/n: the song too much time in my house alone by leith ross inspired this <3 longer A/N at the end!

▹— warnings: angst (as always), isolation, and then self isolation, mention of christmas time but it’s not christmas, a winter’s dinner that isn’t christmas dinner, fears being proven correct, very little self worth, it has been a long while since i have written/posted/needed to put warnings so let me know if something is missing!!!

▹— taglist: @rhymingtree @sleepygraves @wnstice (everything) @auggiesolovey @just-kaylaa @evyiione @lemonlaides @fariylixie0915  @faceache111 @randomhoex @canpillowscry @pedropascalsrealgf @star-wars-lover @coolchick333 @soobsdior @rvjaa  @sunflowersdrop @definitely-not-a-seagull-i-swear @miss-celestial-being (pedro) — please let me know if you want to be added/removed

MASTERLIST

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

Jackson is cold in winter.

And it’s not just because of the weather.

There’s winter festivities, holidays that you had never really had any experience with. And because of the weather, patrols were undertaken by smaller groups, leaving crowds of people wandering the streets, or trying to find work within the small community. So, not only was it cold and miserable, but it was about ten times as crowded in the communal spaces, with everybody packing into every space possible in order to preserve their warmth.

That’s not even the worst part — there’s the whole focus on family, or whatever a person in the apocalypse might have that’s close enough to it.

Holidays bring people together, Tommy had told you once, about a year ago. It wasn’t long after you had first arrived in Jackson, traipsing through the gate alone, aside from the patrollers who escorted you there.

The thing was, though, that you didn’t have people.

And it wasn’t as if you were wanting them! That definitely wasn’t the case — you couldn’t bear getting close to anybody, after what had happened last time — but you couldn’t help the more prominent feeling of isolation. You knew you weren’t alone in your feelings, after all, there were plenty of Jackson residents who had nobody, or resented the holiday season for one reason or another, but you felt alone.

You’re allowed to feel bitter about it, even if you do want to stay that way. It’s not like you had always felt this way, there was a time when you had thought yourself close to having a family — whatever the hell that was. In spring, if somebody had told you that you might feel this way, you might have disbelieved them, might have had faith in Joel and Ellie, despite your reservations. But then everything there had fallen apart, and you were left like this.

Living on your own, halfway across town, closer to Tommy, but further away than ever.

It was like that gaping hole in your chest had reopened with a vengeance, sucking any amount of trust or affection you had for the man into a void where it couldn’t be found. If Tommy hadn’t stuck you with Joel and Ellie, you might not be feeling like this — feeling so cold, and alone, and frozen despite the world moving around you. If he had just minded his business, or even, maybe, if he had just looked after you himself, rather than passing you off as nothing more than a chore, you could’ve been something at least close to happy.

Instead, you’re here. Making the short trip back from the school he had forced you to start going to, heading back to the little space you were supposed to call home. It wasn’t home, though. You had never occupied a space that had felt anything even close to that before, other than Joel’s. You’re pretty sure you’ll never live anywhere like that again.

You’ll probably live here, in the shitty garage that Tommy had someone convert for you, for the rest of your life. Either that, or until they finally have enough of you, and kick you out. Whichever came first.

Really, you should be used to being on your own. To having to do everything yourself, be responsible for every aspect of your own life, but strangely, after Joel’s, you find it hard to go back to that. Balancing things has never been your strong suit, and this only goes to prove that. And it’s aggravating, feeling as though something within you had changed, feeling as though you’re no longer capable, when you had spent your whole life looking after yourself.

Feeling like this has had you thinking some incredibly stupid things, your mind at one point trying to convince you that the only way to prove that you were capable, was to go back out into the big open world. Luckily for you, your survival instincts are stronger than that, and you’re able to remind yourself that Jackson is the best possible place for you, regardless of whatever thoughts and feelings you were having.

Besides, you wouldn’t want to give any of them — them being Joel, Tommy and Ellie — the satisfaction of your leaving. If they wanted you gone, they’d have to tell you as much, this time.

It was clear to you now, that they hadn’t wanted you there in the first place. And given the distance between you and Ellie since Joel had gotten rid of you, you gathered that, despite what you believed to be a close bond, she had never wanted you around either. She seemed happy enough, gallivanting around the town with her few friends, friends she had never even bothered to introduce you to. At least that meant you weren’t missing anything. Maybe she had actually done you a favour. Although given the way she avoided your gaze like her life depended on it, every time you happened across her, you somehow doubted that.

You’re not sure which loss was worse. Despite how close you had grown to Joel, how attached you had become, Ellie was the first person your age who you had ever trusted. You had told her things that you had never spoken aloud to anyone before. And now, you were left with a constant weight of regret, of dread, in the pit of your stomach.

Selfishly, you wanted Ellie to be angry at Joel for getting rid of you. You wanted her to fight for you, wanted her to remain in your corner when everybody else opposed you. What you really wanted, though, was for somebody to choose you. You wanted to feel important to somebody.

Though, now, you think you’ve outgrown that childish desire. You don’t want anyone around you, anymore.

Not even Tommy.

“Kid, would you just open the damn door?” Tommy asked, speaking to the plain face of your front door. He had knocked three times before opening his mouth, growing exasperated by your cold shoulder. He knew you were in there — had seen you walk home after school, when he was finishing a job just around the corner. Besides, where else would you be?

You stayed silent, sitting on the unmade sheets of your bed, staring at the door as Tommy knocked once again.

“C’mon, open the door. Please?” He repeated, and you could practically picture his stance outside, one arm resting against the doorframe and one hand resting against his hip. “Just wanna talk, alright? Then I’ll be on my way.”

You heard the heaviness of his sigh from your space across the room. But it didn’t change anything for you. How could it? Tommy had sent you to his brother, he had known what his brother was like, and he had sat idly by while you were uprooted and sent across town like you didn’t matter. Just another inconvenience. And if that wasn’t bad enough, he was also forcing you to go to Jackson’s community school, run primarily by an almost 70 year old woman, who was meant to retire a year after the outbreak.

It was ridiculous and unfair.

Ellie didn’t have to go to school.

It just felt like another method of getting you out of the way. After all, what did you need with writing and reading? Mathematics and history? The world had ended before you were even born.

Besides, you knew for a fact that Tommy had volunteered to take Ellie out shooting soon. Despite her avoiding you, you could still hear her boasting about it in the canteen to her friends.

You couldn’t help but feel like it should’ve been you. After all, weren’t you the one without anybody? Weren’t you the one who would be alone, should Jackson fall apart? Ellie would have Tommy and Maria. She would have Joel. Who would you have? Nobody.

If Tommy Miller had ever actually cared about you, perhaps he would’ve helped you work on the issues you’d been facing when you went to him for help, rather than passing you off to his older brother. You had spent your entire life depending on only yourself. Tommy had no idea what it had taken for you to approach him, for you to want help. To have that thrown back in your face, you knew, had done damage. As if you weren’t already damaged enough.

It was something you had been aware of for a long time — that there was something wrong about you. Something rotten. Like something had crawled into your chest, into the gaping cavity between your ribs, and died in there. It had been decaying over the years, leaving an air about you that told everybody exactly what you had always known: you are unsalvageable. Nothing in this world could reverse the decomposition that had occurred inside of you, just like nothing could reverse the infection that had taken the family you had never known.

The whole thing made you feel foolish, really. Your whole life, a voice inside of your head had been telling you that nobody could help you. Nobody would help you. And when you had finally gathered the courage to prove that voice wrong? It was proven right instead. It was a kick in the teeth. A thorn underneath your fingernail. Something bothersome, painful.

Tommy Miller had proven that you were just as alone as you had always felt.

He knocked against your door again, apparently content to wait you out. You had nowhere to go, but the knocking was irritating, the knowledge of his presence outside of that door was grating.

Before you could think better of it, you made your way over, and opened the door.

He looked the same as he always had done. Dressed for the weather, his favourite pair of boots on, and hair pushed away from his face, which held a surprised expression.

“Hey, kid.” He said, finally, after a moment of just staring at you in shock. It had been a while since Tommy had seen you up close. You looked more tired than he remembered.

“What do you want?” You asked, forgoing any sort of greeting towards the man. Opening the door was about as generous as you were prepared to be towards him.

His face morphed slightly, shock ebbing away, regret flowing in at the creases by his eyes, the grimace of his mouth. “Right, uh,” He paused, looking into your converted garage through the gap between you and the door. You pulled the door closer, so only you fit into the gap. “Alright, so, I know things have been… tense, between everybody, but I was hopin’ that you might join us. Me ‘n Maria are doin’ a winter’s dinner, not exactly Christmas, but it’s a day to be with family, y’know?” Tommy rambled on a bit, trying to spit all of his words out before you could decline, or shut the door in his face.

“We’re not family, Tommy.”

You watched his expression fall, which provided you with a sting that you hadn’t expected. But the sentiment remained the same — you weren’t family. Your surname wasn’t Miller. And even if it were, with the state of things between you, Tommy and Joel? It definitely wasn’t something you’d call family.

Honestly, you weren’t sure why he was coming to you with this now. Maybe before Joel had rejected you, before Tommy had watched on as any trust you had was shattered, but now? Now, he was lucky you even opened the door. You didn’t have a family, and it wasn’t a big loss to you. You’d gone this long without one, so what did it matter?

Tommy’s mouth opened and closed a few times, and he shifted uncomfortably on his feet. He was at a loss for words.

“Go home, okay?” You said, when his words continued to fail him. He swallowed, jaw clenched as his teeth gritted together. He was frustrated, though you doubted that was directed at you. More likely, was that it was directed at Joel. You knew things had been tense between the two of them recently, too.

He paused just as he was about to turn away. “Will you think about it, at least?” Tommy asked, though he didn’t look like he wanted to hear your answer. It wasn’t much of a question anyway.

You nodded, with no real intention of thinking about it. Well — no intention of thinking about attending. Thinking about the offer was a different story.

His shoulders deflated as he turned away, hearing you shut the door as he followed the path away from your place.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

Even a full twenty four hours after Tommy had approached you with his invitation, you couldn’t let it go.

It felt as though something within you had snapped, falling from a great height and landing in the pit of your stomach. For whatever reason, one that you couldn’t get into now, maybe ever, you were filled to the brim with dread. It bubbled over, pooling in your limbs and making everything feel far too heavy.

You couldn’t understand why he couldn’t just let you be? Couldn’t he see that he had done more than enough, when it came to you?

Logically, you know it isn’t fair to blame him. Tommy wasn’t in control of anything his brother or pseudo-niece did. He had always tried to look out for you, and deep down, you know that he had truly believed that his brother would be good for you. He must have thought that, given Joel’s pre-outbreak experience, and now post-outbreak too, of being a father, he could’ve been that for you. Tommy couldn’t have known that Joel didn’t want another kid.

But that illogical part of you, the part that cowers away from everybody you meet, the part that was hurt, reminds you that it was his job to know. It was his responsibility to know what he was dumping you into. And more than that, Joel was his brother. How could he not have known?

You were the one who had ended up well and truly hurt from the encounter, not the other way around. So why did you feel guilty, every time Tommy’s expression at your scathing words popped into your mind? You hadn’t said anything that wasn’t true, and you hadn’t said anything that he didn’t deserve to hear. So why? Why did you feel this unending twist of dread and guilt, eating away at your bones, your tissues, your organs?

Even now, as you worked a late night shift at the canteen, washing dishes, every time the water rippled, you could see his face. Distantly, you hoped Joel had felt like this, after what he had done to you. You hoped he remembered what he said, remembered your expression when you relayed his own message to him.

If you were honest with yourself, you think that if it had been Joel, you would’ve revelled in that expression. There’s a part of you, a part that is mean and bitter and full of resentment, that wants to hurt Joel, just like he had hurt you. You settle for staying as far away from him as you possibly can.

Joel had tried to see you a few times, back when it was fresh, with no luck from you. There was nobody in this world that you wanted to see less than him. At the very least, he got the message. Sometimes, you wonder if he had only shown up those few instances just for appearances. To make himself look better. It was no secret to the people of Jackson that Joel Miller was a questionable man, with an even more questionable past. But he did more for the town than most, so it wasn’t spoken about. Nothing more than whispers, anyway.

There had been a few whispers after your outburst at the Tipsy Bison, especially when somebody shared the news of your move across town. But it was chalked up to teenage dramatics, the youth, as if there really was such a thing.

Regardless, Tommy’s invitation to dinner was coming up in a mere two days. The knowledge of where and when it was happening made you uncomfortable, like an itch underneath your collar, it was stifling. Because that part of you, the one that wants to hurt Joel, also wants company. It craves a family, and that was a craving that had only ever come close to being fulfilled once. Still, it was a natural instinct within humans. Safety came in numbers, and there was comfort in having people you could trust. You wish that part of you could just be satisfied being solitary, because you’ll never go to that dinner. Not if you have anything to say about it.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

Two hours until dinner, and the sun was beginning to set.

And here you were, axe in hand, staring down at the dwindling pile of wood that you needed to cleave into pieces. It wouldn’t last two hours. In reality, it wouldn’t even last one. Still, you stare as though the logs might multiply, hoping for the excuse out of a dinner you didn’t want to go to. And you know that you have no obligation to any of those people, you do know that, but it’s hard to believe it. Partly because you don’t want to. Because you’re torn between the satisfaction of succeeding on your own, and the fear of cutting off all ties to the only people you think you’ve truly cared about.

Being alone is a lot easier in theory.

In practice, it’s harder than you had thought. You were doing okay when they all left you to it, left you to live your own life. But an invitation means something, and that’s hard to ignore.

You bring the axe down, letting the severing of wood distract you from all thoughts of invitations and dinners and meanings.

It’s about the most physical task they’ll let you do — courtesy of Tommy, you’re sure — but you relish in it. Something about it is rewarding. Reminds you of your capabilities, your survival. The cold air burns your lungs, and each swing of the axe makes your muscles ache, but in a satisfying way. And doing it like this, alone, makes you feel unmistakably powerful.

You hear the crunch of footsteps behind you, not heavy enough to be Tommy’s or—God forbid—Joel’s. You paid them no mind, leaning down to move the chopped wood into the pile you had already assembled. You grabbed another log and placed it down, and just as you were preparing to swing the axe back up, you heard somebody clear their throat.

“Hey,” Ellie said, when you turned around. She shifted uncomfortably on her feet as you failed to reply, fiddling with the gloves on her hands. “So, uh, you having fun chopping wood?” She asked, apparently trying to clear some of the tension that surrounded the two of you, that clung. You leant the top of the axe blade on the ground, and sighed. Your breath clouded in front of your face.

“What do you want?” You asked, repeating the very same question you had asked Tommy, feeling all the more certain about your adamancy about not going to that dinner. Ellie’s brows furrowed slightly, but she quickly deflated as soon as you could see the defensive air starting to rise within her.

She shifted again, before speaking. “Just wondering if you’re coming to dinner? Tommy said he wasn’t sure.”

You did your best not to scoff, mostly succeeding, as you turned back to the wood awaiting your axe. With practiced ease, your axe rose, and swung down at the wood, separating it with a satisfying crack. “Wouldn’t count on it.” You said, as polite as you could say: no, no, I’m not fucking coming to dinner. You’re not my family. You don’t care about me. I don’t care about you. There’s nothing left here.

It was ridiculous for them to send Ellie to come and convince you to attend, of all people. Their best bet would have been Maria, who had never technically done anything that had hurt you. No, all of the fault laid with the Millers, and with Ellie.

The two of you could’ve remained friends, could’ve been something close to a family, but she didn’t want that. She chose to cut you out, to isolate you even further, to disappear from your life completely, despite being the only reason you had ever opened up to Joel. It was like she had taken a knife, and cut you open, let you warm, simmer, before leaving you out on the counter to cool. To rot.

“What happened to you?” Ellie asked, as if she didn’t know, as if she hadn’t been a part of it. Like there was no reason for your shift from being warm around her, to being ice cold. She had done this to you. At least, in part.

You didn’t say anything at first, choosing to finish chopping the wood in front of you, and piling it off to the side. Finally, you turned to her as she watched you, brows furrowed, lip curled defensively. “You people happened. You all fucking happened. Is that enough for you? Is that enough for why I don’t want to go to some stupid winter dinner?” You said, not raising your voice, but hearing more anger and irritation seep into your tone as you spoke.

She looked like she wanted to take a step back, but she stayed firm. “We all have our own problems,” Ellie told you, voice harsh and unrelenting as she spoke, and her expression hardened. “Everybody does! It’s not all sunshine and rainbows, okay?”

It would have been so easy to continue arguing with her, to descend into childish taunts and quips, to disguise genuine hurt with ridiculous arguments, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. You said nothing, turning back to the depleting supply of unchopped wood.

Ellie seemed ready to burst. “Me and Joel have our own fucking problems! It’s not always good. But you can’t just give up on someone!” She said loudly, stepping towards you, ignoring the snow crunching underneath her shoes. It seemed to you that she was trying to convince herself, more than anything. Whatever she came to you with, now, wasn’t really about you. It was about her.

“I’m not the one who gave up, Ellie. You and Joel are more alike than you know. But at least he had the decency to tell me why he was giving up on me.” You told her, staying calm, despite the way your blood was rushing through your body, carrying so much adrenaline you felt like your heart may just burst.

She gaped at you, seeming more stuck on the concept of her and Joel being alike than on how she had hurt you. You figured it would go like this, though, if the two of you ever spoke again. It wasn’t a surprise to you. Everything in your life always turned out the way you expected it to. Even Joel and Ellie, in the end, had done as much, despite surprising you at first. It was inevitable. Your every worry, every fear, even the ones that Tommy had once labelled as irrational, had turned out to be true.

You wouldn’t go to the dinner.

Everything between you and the extended Miller family was in ruins, and like you, it couldn’t be salvaged. It was over with. Done.

Now, all that was left to do was wipe your hands clean of them.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

A/N: hello if you made it this far! it has been a WHILE. but in honour of ITDWS being posted a year ago today (!!!!!!!!!) i thought i’d give y’all SOMETHING!!! it’s not amazing but i hope you enjoy!!! life has been crazy + i haven’t been writing much but i still love and appreciate every single one of you <3 i think of you often.

[joelsgreys]

snapshots | masterlist

Post Outbreak! Joel Miller x Female Reader

summary: Moments of Joel Miller’s life in Jackson, Wyoming with his girls. warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI. JACKSON ERA. GIRLDAD!JOEL. established relationship. NO MENTION OF READER’S AGE, she is a childbearing adult woman so do what you will with that information, however at one point it will be vaguely mentioned that she is younger than Joel. no physical description of reader. no physical description of Rosemary except her hair color and type as well as her eye color. Joel and Ellie are fine because i said so. angst, fluff, some individual works centered around Joel and reader may also contain smut. please see individual fics for warnings and tags. *MOODBOARD FOR AESTHETIC PURPOSES ONLY. a/n: i fell in love with this little family and would love to write more for them when the inspiration strikes, so i decided to just go ahead and make a masterlist for them. i have no specific plan, the drabbles and one shots will most likely not be in order. i may bounce around the timeline and even go as far back as to when joel and reader find out they’re going to have a kid. to those of you who have shown this universe some love, thank you! 🤍

flutter

When you finally start to show, Joel has a tough time with it as the reality sinks in—he’s going to be a father again.

softness

Joel’s a little unsure of doing skin to skin with his newborn daughter.

safe and sound

Your daughter has a nightmare—her daddy makes it all better.

splash (coming soon)

divider credit to @saradika 🤎

[romanarose]

For the Longest Time: Chapter 10

William Miller x Fem!OC (Lorelei Giang)

Masterlist : Triple Frontier Masterlist :Playlist

Join my taglist!

Summary: It's the Garcia-Dumas wedding, and Lorelei solidifies her place in the family.

Warnings: DV, mentions of baby trapping, lots of pregnancy talk. Pretty fluffy chapter tbh.

A/N: THE FINALLLEEEEE

************

Will had left a few hours ago to help set up for the wedding. Lorelei was going to, but after another late night at the hospital, Will 'politely suggested’ she sleep in, saying that they had it. It wasn’t an elaborate set up, some twinkly lights and some anti mosquito candles for the night time, some decorations here and there, tables etc. Lorelei just needed to be there to do Laci and Jana’s hair and make-up.

It was a beautiful day out, partly cloudy but still sunshine, light breeze. Everything aligned for Laci’s big day, and thank god for it. She deserved a good day for fucking once. Hell, so did Santi. 

As Lore munched on a PBJ, strawberry jam because she hated grape, she got a phone call. When she looked at her phone, Ben’s smiley face was lighting up her screen. How different he looked from now…

“Ben…” She answered the phone stern. “You cannot cancel on her this time, you just can’t” Lorelei was sure he was calling her to say he wasn’t coming, and she would do everything she could to prevent that. He needed to be there; she was worried if Ben didn’t show, Laci would cancel the whole day. Poor girl would be heartbroken again. Lorelei would run her ass to David’s bridal and get some off the rack dress right now and be a bridesmaid if she needed to. Laci was getting married today, and she was having a good fucking day.

“No, Lorelei…” She heard him sigh. “I need help. I have… i have a black eye”

Fuck. God fucking dammit. She was going to kill Alice for hurting her brother like this… but right now, wedding. “Ben, honey-”

“Can you cover it up?”

“Come over. I got you.”

It wasn’t too ugly right now, but Ben and her would have to touch it up over the course of the day. She combined the liquid foundation she had for Laci’s skin with a little bit of her own, making something to match Ben’s light tan.

Her heart broke every time she saw him wince, fighting tears in her own eyes.

*

Ben was late, but he showed. That’s what he needed. Will, Ben, Santi and Frank all got together in the spare bedroom that they used for the foster kids. The addition that Santi had built wasn’t quite done yet but was being used for storage of the food and drinks and for everyone's purses and coats. The daytime would be hot but as night came, jackets would be needed. Laci made sure there were lots of blankets for everyone, but there was plenty of room inside. 

The wedding was small, Santi and Laci having no family left. Santi invited a few army friends, and Tom’s family although they never replied to the invite. Laci invited a few coworkers. Gideon, Ben and Will’s grandpa Laci had connected with would be coming as would Will’s come, Jenna. The friends they made in New York flew to Florida, and although most of Jana’s family couldn’t make it, they had been invited for their hospitality to Santi and even Laci. Jana’s brother, Jacob would be there and Laci and Ben’s hair stylist, Bre would be there too. 

“Santi?” Jana’s voice interrupted the men’s talking, mostly dressed but still a few buttons and ties needing to be done.

Before Santi could open his mouth, Frankie stood up, shouting  “god DAMN, Mama! Look at you!”

Jana was fucking glowing. Pregnancy always had looked good on her. Will would never sexualize her, but she was an objectively beautiful woman and when she was pregnant, she was happy, sober, and stunning to look at. Jana smiled, kissing Frankie with her glossy lips and patting his cheeks before turning to Santi with a slightly more serious tone. “There’s a small problem.”

“She left me.” Santi deadpanned.

“Oh my god.” Jana smacked her head and Frankie flicked him. “No, you dumbass. I havn’t seen a woman so obsessed with a man since Charles Manson, for christsake. Just, come here.”

*

Jana explained the issue. While doing Laci’s hair, they couldn’t quite get it to quite cover up that scar on her forehead. When Santi found her, her face was covered in blood with a large gash on her forehead that cut deep into her hairline. By the time she was found, there was no need for first aid and the scarring was inevitable. Laci had a lot of insecurity around her small size, her large ears, her thin hair, and now the very noticeable scar on her head. 

“Baby?” Santi called, opening the door but Laci quickly closed it. 

“You can’t see me in my dress!”

“Baby I wanna hold you.”

The door cracked open. “Put your back to the door and hold out your hand?” Her small voice questioned.

“Of course, Lace.” He did as she said and Laci mirrored him. Back to back, they held each other’s hand. “Baby…” he whispered. “I can’t see you, but I know you’re beautiful… you’re always beautiful, in your dresses, in your PJ’s… Miss Lacina, if you walked out here in sweats and a t-shirt I’d still marry the fuck out of you and love every moment.”

Laci, squeezed his hand. Lorelei mutters a ‘goddammit Santi you’re making her cry’ and she dabbed at her eyes with a tissue.

“Good cry or bad cry?” Crying for Laci could mean about anything.

Laci giggled. “Good cry. You don’t mind if you can see the scar?”

“You know the answer.”

“I need to hear it.”

“Munequita… I need you to know when I say this, theres nothing I wouldn’t do to take away all the suffering you went through. But Lace, when I see the scars on your body, and I promise it’s not something I notice a lot, I need you to know when I see the scars, I’m reminded how strong you are. I’m reminded how much you fought to survive and christ, I am so proud of you. Now we’re here, we’re getting married, we’re having a baby… because you had the strength to survive what I never could.”

Lorelei muttered swears again, but when Laci spoke she was smiling. “I’m gonna marry you so hard, Santi.”

*

Lorelei watched in the front row, fanning herself. It was just a little hot, but pretty much a miracle for July in Florida. She was thankful for the cushioned seats, but still found herself uncomfortable. Chloe was due in 3 weeks, and everything fucking sucked. She felt like garbage, only throwing together her outfit and make up after getting Laci and Jana all dolls up themselves. It wasn’t too much at all, thank god. She volunteered to do it when she was in the highlight of pregnancy.

Laci kept her make-up simple, with a brown eyeliner to make her small blue eyes pop and fill in her blonde brows, and a dusting of pink blush. Her eyes were a light pink, with the arches of her brows and her cheeks splattered in sparkle powder. The real challenge was covering up the scar. In the end, Lorelei was able to work her magic she perfected in high school covering a massive acne problem, blending the raised pink tissue into her light hair and skin and brushing some hair over the part in her hairline for a little move coverage. When her dress was on, she looked like a fairy princess. 

Jana had more extensive make-up, Lorelei highlighting her sharp features but not making it too heavy in the humidity, lest it sweat off or cake. The focus was on her eyes. Jana had stunning eyes, sharp, large, and wide-set. The eyeliner was black, thicker than Laci and a sharp wing and gold eyeshadow matching her braids and the bridesmaids dress. They looked absolutely stunning. 

Lorelei was next next to Gideon who was next to Jenna, chatting about the baby and the future plans for the farm. Jenna asked if Chloe was a boy, what the name would be and Lorelei answered Gideon Háo. Jenna mentioned as an aside that ‘Paul would make a good middle name’. Lorelei politely said they’d consider it for future children, but had no intention of naming her child after the man that lacerated her future husband’s back. Gideon side eye’d Lorelei. He did not like his late son-in-law, but Lorelei doubted he knew the extent of what happened on the farm. It occurred to Lorelei that she had talked about having other children with Will. She wasn’t sure Will wanted more, or how many… but she got the feeling there were at least a few more on the way. It also crossed her mind that she thought of Will as her future husband, and that? That she had no doubts about. She was going to marry that man.

Lorelei felt a tap on her shoulder, and turned to see a smiling Ben holding Rosie. It was nice to see him so happy and so… sober. Laci opted for a dry wedding, but people could bring their own drinks if they wanted to, and Frankie convinced Ben to not drink for one day.

“Oh my goodness!” She stood, reaching out to hold the toddler. Rosie was in a flower girl dress, looking adorable. “Come here beautiful!” 

“Are you gonna be in aunt Laci’s wedding?” She asked.

“No sweetie, but I’m here to support your aunt and uncle because I love them very much.” and she did. Even Santi. They had made up quickly, both understanding that they were just protecting their family.

“Actually,” Ben said, nudging Lorelei out of the aisle. “That’s what I’ve been sent to get you for.”

When Lorelei got back into the house where everyone was doing the final touches, Laci dashed over to Lorelei when she came in. She was beautiful in a short, blush dress with white lace, a white bow in her hair. 

“Lorelei! Okay I’m gonna ask you something and you can totally say no because it’s literally the last minute and i know you’re super pregnant right now-”

“Laci” Lorelei stopped, chuckling. “Babe, whatever it is, I’ll do it.”

Laci swallowed, twiddling her thumbs. “Well, you’re like family and now you and Will are together and it just… it doesn’t feel right not having you with me… Will you be a bridesmaid? Please? I promise this isn’t like, I’m throwing you in here because I feel like I have to with you dating Will I just really love you and you do so much for our family and for Ben and-”

Lorelei cut her off with a hug. That was… not what she was expecting, but she had no doubt the girl was sincere. It didn’t feel like an afterthought. It felt like Laci planned a wedding before she met Lorelei and over the course of the spring and summer, they got to know each other and developed a friendship. Of course she said yes.

Santi walked down first, dressed in a simple light blue suit and stood under a banner of flowers. Nothing Else Matters by Metellica played, which made Lorelei giggle. She was certain this was Laci’s idea, wanting to include Santi’s music taste in their wedding. Jana and Frankie walked down together, best man and maid of honor, Jana in her gold dress and Frankie in a black suit with a gold tie and gold handkerchief. Santi greeted both of them with a hug and a kiss before both found their sides, Frankie standing by Santiago as he always had. Will and Lorelei walked down together now, Will oh-so happy to show off his stunning and slightly wobbly pregnant girlfriend on his arm. Santi hugged them, whispering a thank you to Lorelei for being here. Lorelei and Will both stood by Jana. Finally, Ben walked down, handsome as ever in his bowtie. When Santi hugged him, they lingered together longer than the others. Santi was just happy he was here.

When Don Henly and Stevie Nicks’ duet, Leather and Lace began, Lorelei heard Santi mumble a swear and Laci came into view. She looked ethereal. 

Laci had been nervous about her dress choice, since it was a little non-traditional, being pink and short, but judging by Santi’s reaction, it was nothing. As she stepped close, Rosie took her job VERY seriously. One by one, she picked a single petal and placed it directly on the ground, instructing Laci to step on the petal. It seems she took Jana’s instructions to “make a path to guide tio Santi” very literally. Jana covered her face and Frankie was laughing so hard he had to brace himself on Ben. Lacina played along, taking tiny steps on the petals in the ballet flats. Or very big steps. 3-year-olds are not great at distances. 

She looked up to see a crying Santi, and her eyes filled up too. She knew how much he loved watching her with Rosie, and she knew he was thinking the same thing. Soon, they’d have a baby of their own. When Rosie finally finished, Santi told his niece what a good job she did, and Jana took her in her arms. Santi couldn’t wait another second, and although Laci was only a few steps away, he took one long stride and pulled her into his arms, unable to be without her a moment longer.

The vows were quiet, personal. Laci’s small voice could only be heard by the wedding party. This fit her nature. Santi’s were louder, wanting to proclaim his love for her to everyone around. There was not a dry eye in the yard.

When the pair kissed, Santi dipped Laci while everyone cheered, and then to Laci’s surprise, scooped her up and over his shoulder, careful that her pregnant belly did not carry the brunt of her weight.

Santi runs down the aisle, carrying a giggling Laci towards the screen door.

Will called after him. “Pope! Where the hell are you going?!”

Hanging out the scene door, Laci’s skirt rustling around him, he’s grinning brightly. “I’m going to make love to my wife!”

And he was gone.

Exit music was played, Accidentally in Love by Counting Crows, and Frankie scooped up his daughter and took Jana’s hand to run to the house. Not going to let her future brother in law behind, Lorelei took both him and Will’s hand and joined them.

Let the party begin.

*

After Santi and Laci emerged with a blushing Laci, hair of both a little out of place and tousled, they had their first dance to Heroe by Enrique Inglesias. Laci had told Lorelei Santi wanted a song she’d know, and Laci wanted a song that meant something to him and his family. It was decided the spanish version of a popular song by a latin artist would fit both. Laci always called Santi her hero.

Off to the side, watching the couple, Lorelei swayed with arms wrapped around her with her back to his broad chest. “Lore?” Will whispers in her ear.

“Yeah baby?”

“You wanna tell me why my baby brother has make-up around his eye?”

Lorelei sighed, turning around to face you. “Will, I swear I was going to tell you after the wedding.”

He smiled fondly at her, caressing her cheek and thumbing over the apple. “I know, it’s okay. I just wanna know.”

She breathed out, dropping her head to the side and raising a brow in sympathy. “He has a black eye.”

Will closed his eyes, hand tensing on her face. “I figured. Thank you.” He opened them. “I just can’t believe this is happening. I mean, he’s an MMA fighter, he’s 6’3.”

“Will.”

“You could slap Tyler, I don’t understand why he lets her-”

“William.” She cupped his face, looking intently into his baby blues. “It’s not that simple and you know it.” Her tone was gentle but firm. “I know you’re confused, and I know you still have a lot of feelings about your mom staying with your dad. Would you ever ask Laci why she stayed with the men before Santi?”

Will sputtered, blinking. “Wha- no, of course not! But she’s-”

She raised an eyebrow. “A woman?”

“No! Lorelei, it’s because she’s small.”

“Size has less to do with it than you’d think. It’s a mental game, and abusers are really fucking good. From what I can tell, she’s got Ben’s self esteem beat down so bad, she made him think she’s the only one that will love him. He’s lonely, he’s confused, he's scared and Will?” She squeezed his cheeks together until his face looked silly. “He’s embarrassed. Asking for help is admitting defeat, and how you reacted didn’t help. He’s not going to accept our help if we give him the third degree, and if we bring up what’s happening every time we see him, he’s not going to want to see us, so we have to take this slow. We can’t let hi aliantate us more.” She let go, Santi and Laci’s first dance ending and Will taking her to a chair. She couldn’t stand long without pain, even her nursing job was nudging her to desk work.

“I understand.” Will took off her flats, rubbing her swollen feet for her while she leaned back and closed her eyes, taking in the warm sun. Lorelei has a relatively easy pregnancy compared to many but god, her poor feet were aching and swelling like nothing he’d seen before. “Hey Lore, you were saying us and we a lot there”

“Yeah.” She shrugged. “I guess so, why?” She opened an eye to find Will grinning at her.

“Noth’n. Just… you’re in this for the long haul, right?”

Love for him filling her chest, she reveled in how happy he looked at the prospect of them living out the next 50 years of their lives together, together as a family with Chloe Sen, Laci, Santi, Jana, Frankie, Ben, baby Leto and the upcoming Morales baby. NOT Alice, but hopefully someone who loves and respects Ben the way he deserves. 

Gideon and Ben join the couple, a joyful grin on Benny’s face, his eyes bright and clear, obviously not sneaking in any booze to the celebration. “Heya guys!” He clapped Will on the back, sitting pulling out a chair for his grandpa. “What’re we talking about?”

“The farm.” Will lied. “I was thinking about… bringing on some help for the harvest.”

Ben rolled his eyes. “We should just let that place rot.”

Will shot him a look. “No. That place has belonged to a Miller since 1842, before it was even a fucking state. I don’t care who it belongs to but it’s not falling to ruin. You used to love the farm. Can I count on you to help or not?”

Benny huffed and puffed but agreed. Lorelei had already informed the hospital she’d be taking an extended maternity leave though the winter holidays. She’d be giving birth right before harvest, Will would have a few weeks before everything kicked into gear. Lorelei and Will were temporarily moving to the farm. They were blessed with their friends, all willing to help despite their own schedules and upcoming children. Santi and Laci would come out as much as possible, Santi coming over when Laci was at work and both coming on weekends. Laci couldn’t do farm work but she wanted to be able to give Lorelei a break and help with the house. Frankie and Jana wouldn’t have as much freetime given Frankie working and Jana working, starting her final semester of her doctorate and pregnant, but they’d help as much as they could. Jenna Miller had moved out of the farm and in with Gideon to help as he aged, but she’d be there to help with Chloe and Rosie, and any other babies born during this time. Now Ben had committed, although how dependable he was right now was questionable.

There were farm hands and workers that the Millers had know their whole lives that would keep things going, and Will was going to make sure they were paid well for their extra help, but the help Will wanted was someone specific. Someone for Benny. The only person he knew of that could get through to Ben, because god knows it wasn’t him.

He just hoped Cameron was willing to come back.

“Whose that?” Jenna asked, and the group turned to the gate where a young woman entered. She ha long, dark hair and a round face, looking college aged.

“Oh my god… It’s Tess” Ben answered, standing up and making his way over to the lost looking young woman. 

Lore was confused. “Whose that?”

Will stood as well. “That’s Tom’s daughter.”

*

The night was settling down, most people going home after a long evening of fun and dancing. Tess had come, against her moms wishes. The invite said no gifts, instead asking for donations of household items to the women’s shelter Laci worked for, but Tess brought flowers and something in wrapping paper. A copy of a photo her dad had of all 5 of them early as a team. 

When it wound down to just the wedding party, Jacob taking Rosie so Jana and Frankie could stay longer, a bonfire was lit in the new fire pit Santi build on the new deck in addition to adding a new room to the house for the plethora of future children they wanted.

“I’m sorry, how many?!?!??!” Ben laughs.

Laci was beaming, happy to have her Benny back, even for just a night. She sat on Santi’s lap, her pink skirt splayed over his legs like the blanket he placed around her. He was caressing her stomach. “6, ideally, but it’s probably not likely. I turn 31 this month.”

Santi kissed her cheek. “Looks like I gotta keep my baby full at all times to make her dream come true!” Laci giggled into his touch. Lorelei couldn’t help but noticed how much more relaxed everyone was without Alice. She realized now she’d never seen all 6 of them gathered without her. He turns to his best man. “What about you, Fish? Gonna keep having “accidents”, or are you gonna finally admit your pull out game is weak and let Jan Jan give you a baseball team” Laci playfully smacked him.

He looked at Jana. “Hmmmm I don’t know. I wanna say 2 is enough, but she looks so goddamn good pregnant… hmmm” Frankie barked, pretending to chomp the air around her as Jana laughed.

Lorelei turned to Will. “Whadya think, William? We gonna try for a few more?”

The joy on his face was obvious even behind his soft features. “I’m gonna have to make an honest woman out of you, them we can talk about giving Chloe a brother.” A kiss “And a sister” A kiss “And a brother” A kiss “and a sister”

Ben spoke next. “We were thinking of having two, keeping it small.”

Awkward silence filled the yard, unsure what to say about a relationship no one wanted.

“I thought you didn’t want kids?” Santi asked. 

Ben was quick to defend. “Well, I didn’t, but I mean Alice wanted a lot and we thought 2 was a good compromise…” He was fidgeting with his hands before turning to Frankie and Jana. “I do good with Rosie, don’t I?”

Jana smiled warmly. “You do, Benny boo. You’ll be a great dad.”

He smiled. “I got a surprise. Pope, can I borrow your guitar?”

Laci squealed at that. She loved Ben’s singing.

When he went inside to retrieve it, Frankie spoke. “We cannot let her baby trap him. He’ll never leave.” He clutched Jana’s hand.

Everyone turned to Will. 

“Guys, I got a plan just… trust me, okay? We’re gonna get him out of this.”

Laci turned to cling to Santi, straddling him. “I need him back, Will. It’s so much better with him… I want him in our son’s life.”

“Me too.” Frankie agreed. “Rosie asked when she could see uncle Benny again. I don’t this new baby to not know their uncle.”

Laci began tearing up, burying her face in Santi’s shirt. “Rosie was asking for him??? Poor baby!” Never mind Laci was the one crying. 

“Laci” Will stood, walking over to her and tilting her head to look at him. “That’s my brother, I’m not letting him down. You, me, all of us-” He turned to look at the nodding faces in the fire. “We’re going to help him, and he’s going to okay. He’s going to be an uncle to all our kids. I won’t let her take him from us.” Even Santi was tearing up.

Unaware of the conversation, Ben leapt off the deck, guitar in hand. “Okay, I’m changing up the few words so I sound less like a jealous woman, but I heard this song the other day and thought of you.” He turned to the newly married bride. “Well, one it’s called Lacy, but there’s a lot of lines that are just like. BAM! Had me think oh yeah this is Lace, like, ‘ribbons in your hair’? You love ribbons!”

“I do!”

“Anyway, here’s Lacy by Olivia Rodrigo. And then-” He points to Santi. “You’re singing Fare Thee Well”

Ben began strumming, finding the right key. Even though it was meant to be sung in a higher, softer voice, he sounded fantastic, Lorelei thought. She hadn’t heard him sing since his days getting beat up in bar fights and sent to the ER.

“Lacy, oh, Lacy, skin like puff pastry

Aren't you the sweetest thing on this side of hell?

Dear angel Lacy, eyes white as daisies

Did I ever tell you that I'm not doing well?”

Clinging to her husband, Laci rested her head on his chest as he played with her hair. They set off to France tomorrow for their honey moon, one full day in Paris so they could do the stereotypical things like kiss under the eiffel tower like Santi knew she’d love. After that though, they’d go to the countryside.

“Smart sexy Lacy, I'm losing it lately

I feel your compliments like bullets on skin

Dazzling starlet, Bardot reincarnate

Well, aren't you the greatest thing to ever exist?”

Through a lot of research and ancestry dna, Santi had surprised Laci by finding that she did, in fact, have a surviving member of her family, an aunt no one knew about. Apparently her grandfather had an affair and kept it all hush from her father and his family. Still, this was an aunt and Laci was beyond elated to have family. They would be spending plenty of time getting to know her aunts and cousins, sharing what she knew of her father, and most importantly, resting. There was currently no reason to believe any issues for the baby, all seemed healthy, but given her past miscaraige they wanted to be careful.

“Ooh, I care, I care, I care

Like ribbons in your hair

My stomach's all in knots

You got the one thing that I want

Ooh, I try, I try, I try

Try to rationalize

People are people

But it's like you're made of angel dust”

Lorelei looked at Will, the most handsome man she ever met and couldn’t stop thinking how lucky she was. Not just with how handsome (Although fuck, he was so fucking hot. She was ready to jump his bones all the goddamn time. Just look at him.) but how good a man he was. He loved her, and long before she was ever pregnant he treated her with nothing but respect, being gentle despite her anger, the steady rock to cling to in raging emotions. Importantly, he didn’t just stand there and let her act like a brat. He kept her in check where she needed to be, however, he didn’t just let her be crazy, he loved it. He fell for her that first day because she put him in his place. They were good for each other like that. They allowed each other the freedom to be themselves, but nurtured the best version of that self.

“Lacy, oh, Lacy, it's like you're out to get me

You poison every little thing that I do

Lacy, oh, Lacy, I just love you lately

And I despise my jealous eyes and how hard they fell for you

Yeah, I despise my rotten mind and how much it worships you” 

When the song concluded, Laci’s eyes fluttered shut. Ben played the cords to Fare Thee Well, Santiago singing softly in his wife’s ear, playing with her hair and lulling her to sleep. Frankie pulled Jana close, whispering soft nothings in her ear as she smiled. Lorelei felt Chloe kick. She liked the sound of her uncles voice, and so did Lorelei. She had heard him sing Luna De Xelaju to Rosie so many months ago, lulling the girl like he did his girl now. He’d be a great dad and husband, just as Will would. Lorelei took Will’s hand, bringing it to where their daughter kicked.

Will gasped. He never got tired of seeing the signs of life of his most precious thing. “I can’t wait. It feels like… It feels like forever waiting...”

“You’re telling me.” She whisper-laughed. “I love this little bug but my god, I’m ready to have her out.”

Laci began snoring. Loudly. Really loudly.

“How does this small of a girl snore so loud?” Frankie commented.

Santi shook his head, smiling but there were tears. He’d never been so happy.

Will stood, putting his hand on his friend's shoulder. “Go, take your wife to bed, I’ll get the fire.”

“I’ll put the chairs away.” Frankie volunteered. Lorelei and Jana offered to put away the lights and the flowers.

Santi looked fondly at his friends, thanking them. He chuckled, speaking quietly to not wake his girl. “Wife… I have a wife now, can you believe it?” He stood, Frankie helping him up to not hurt his knees any more. 

“I can’t actually.” Frankie teased. “But lucky for you, you got a good one.”

“Yeah, the best one.” Santi carried his wife to bed, trusting his friends to make sure everything was safe. He could take care of the rest in the morning.

When everything was done, Will got into his car with Lorelei by his side. He turned to her. “Think that’s gonna be us some day?”

“Oh yeah. But Will?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“We’re having a big wedding. And it’s gonna be a pain in the ass with all my family.”

He laughs. “And mine”

Lorelei joins him in laughter. “It’s not going to be as peaceful as this” 

“Noooooooope. Not one bit.”

Leaning across the dash, Lorelei planted a kiss on his cheek. “Wouldn’t have it any other way. Now get me home, or I swear to god I’m going to start sucking your dick while you drive.”

Bursting out in a loud, jovial laughter, hanging his head back. “Oh nooooo whatever will I do!”

But they both know he was too much of a safety man for that.

Luckily, it was a quick drive home. Will had no plans of leaving Lorelei wanting.

**********

Wow, thank you all for this amazing journey!!!!

I'm emotional, but knowing Benny's story is coming too so I know I'll see them again! By the time Ben starts, little Chloe Sen is born!!! then Leto, then the new Morales baby, making our Rosie a sisteeeeerrrrr!!!

I can't thank y'all enough for coming with me. I know there isn't much Will fandom out there especially with an OC, so handful of you mean the world to me

I love Lorelei so much, she was so special to explore with. Laci's nature was soft, sensitive, timid. She had to overcome an arch of her trauma. Jana's personality didn't need to change or shift. She was already confident, brave, loving. She needed to be there for Frankie.

Lorelei needed to grow. Much like sam in sunshine, she was not a perfect character but like she said in this chapter, her and will are good for each other because they keep each other accountable. They keep each other in check and I am so, so proud of how far she's come.

I'm happy they get to be a happy little family now.

Up next, No Surrender, Benjamin Miller x M!OC (Cameron MacDonald) WERE GONNA RESCUE OUR BOY

@pimosworld @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @whatthefishh @missdictatorme @milkymoon2483 @poeedameronn @itspdameronthings @miraclesabound @babymills16 @rayslittlekitten @kirsteng42

[hischeapcigar]

the rock in our throats

Pre-outbreak!Joel Miller x fem reader

Summary: Joel and Y/N face the society reacting to their age-gap. 

Word count: 7.2k

Warnings: MISUNDERSTANDING-TROPE, ANGSSSTTTTT, SMUT SMUT (these are definitely not in order or you’ll be spoiled) MDNI 

a/n: im back with another Joel fic!!!! This is a whole rollercoaster so buckle up!!! Also know that Snow, Lace girls) and Lock (boy) are three of my OCs, I named them after inanimate objects just so they don’t offend anyone with the same name. <3 comments and reblogs are appreciated. 

Feet with their mind of their own carried you downstairs with a speed of light. You had heard Joel’s truck pulled in the driveaway, causing you to abandon the book you were reading to keep your mind from racing about his arrival. 

Just as your feet planted on the floor, your eyes fixed on the door as it slightly pushed open revealing the man you had hopelessly fell for two years ago. He hadn’t acknowledged you as he quietly shut the door. Turning around, the pair of warm brown eyes set on you, when he sees you standing there in your pajamas, adoringly staring at him, his face softens. 

He dropped his bag, a sigh of relief escaping his lips and within a heartbeat you launched yourself at him. Arms flying around his neck as his hands gripped your waist, steadying you. 

“Missed you so much” you mumbled in his neck. He tightened his grip on you at the admission. 

Joel had been to San Antonio for a week to negotiate a contract with a customer.

“Me too, baby,” he whispered, bringing his right hand to stroke your hair

You pulled away as you realized he must be tired, but before you could ask anything, he pulled you into him,

 “Shouldn’t have stayed up, ‘s late” he placed a kiss on your lips that you were quick to deepen. You sighed as he lightly bit your bottom lip. 

“Mmm, couldn’t sleep without knowing you made home safe,” you smiled up at him, “you hungry?” 

He shook his head no, loving the way you treated him like a child and cared for him.

 “Not hungry, back pain ‘s all, wanna sleep” 

You smiled drop as he gently tugged you towards the stairs. Your small hands in his much larger ones. He led you to the bedroom you shared for the past month,

Moving in with Joel after almost two years of hidden relationship was a way to make it official to everyone that you both were together. Though whatever you had anticipated could happen, did happen; continual discussion of your age difference, about him being divorced, about you being naive, about him being a father. 

Given that you both placed a high priority on your relationship, you hadn’t truly heard the gossip by your own ears. However, you had observed the glances that were directed towards you on two separate occasions when you and Joel were present at the mart.

His steps halted in front of Sarah's door, “she was good?” he asked over his shoulders. 

You nodded your head, “Joel she’s not a kid, of course she was alright,”

He pulled you in the bedroom, as you continued, “Plus i think since i moved in, we’ve bonded even more” 

Joel was quick to introduce you and Sarah once you both had confessed the love to each other. And Sarah was quick to welcome you in her life. It was perfect among you three. It was your perfect world. Except that you had to face the world outside your bubble, which was a little too far from perfect. 

 Joel turned around to peck your cheek, “so proud ‘f my girls” 

My girls. You smiled

You were his. You belonged with him. With them. The fact still released butterflies in your stomach. 

Joel took off his shirt and winced. Your facial expression displayed a distortion of worry which Joel was quick to observe, “back’s hurtin’ is all, don't worry,'' he smiled as he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, pulling your forehead close to his lips to place a chaste kiss. 

“We need to get some gel, Joel” you reminded him

-

This is how you found yourself standing in the mart, in front of the shelf with gels. You had dropped Sarah school before heading here. Joel was asleep when you both left. Sarah wanted to meet her dad but you suggested that she lets him get enough sleep and meet him when she returns from school, to which she happily agreed.

Skimming your eyes through the rack, you found the one you were looking for, Voltarol. You grabbed one and walked toward the counter. You picked a few snacks on the way there. 

“y/n?” you heard a lady call your name

Turning around, you met none other than the most gossipy woman of the town, Nancy. 

“Hi!” you put on your best fake smile to greet her

“Whatcha got there?” she asked, eyes already prying your arms. You could have taken a basket but snacks weren’t planned. 

“Oh, just snacks” you shrugged, you kept your answer short, avoiding the long conversation

“And, what’s that? A gel?” she asked earning a groan from you, 

“Yeah, Joel’s got a back pain so i figured-”

“Of course!” she exclaimed startling you

Looking at your furrowed brows, your confused stance she continued, “I mean,” she sang, “Joel’s old. Don’t you think you’re too young to settle for that old man and tend to his back pain?” 

Your heart sank at her words, and more at the amount of venom that dripped from that single sentence alone. 

“Don’t you think you’re a little too nosy in others’ decisions?” you spat as you moved to the side, 

“Jeez, relax! You’re turning into an old grumpy woman. Maybe something about the company-” 

You left before she could say more. The longer you stood, she would’ve fed you with her sick mindset. 

Of course Joel was old. But that never lessened the love you had for him. You had been with guys around your age and all you ended up with was a broken heart and then came Joel, treating you like a real gentleman would.

You both took sufficient time to make a decision about living together. Your relationship being a secret never attracted comments but once the news spread through the town about you and Joel living together, every other mouth was murmuring about you both. 

Staying in most of the time had its perks; you never found out about all the gossip. But it could only last so long. 

You paid the cashier before hurrying to your car. Settling in, you took a  few deep breaths. 

She’s just being mean. I won't let her ruin my day. Her words don’t mean anything. Joel and I love each other, that's what matters the most. 

As soon as you closed the door, entering the house, you were met with silence. Joel‘s still asleep. 

Placing the snacks on the counter you climbed the stairs, a gel in your hand, and a planned massage for him in your head. You opened the door to see Joel lying on his stomach. With his moments you could tell he had woken up and then his voice sounded, 

“Where’d ya go?” eyes closed, he muttered, his voice hoarse. You crossed bed to stand on his side, 

“Dropped Sarah, and picked this” you grinned, showing him the gel 

He squinted his eyes to read the label, “darlin’ you didn’t have to” he turned around to lay on his back. 

“Of course, I had to!” you tapped his legs, urging him to sit up. He obliged without any protest and god did you love it when he was submissive to you, knowing the outside world would never see this soft Joel. 

“Still hurtin’? You asked as you noticed a slightest distress in his face as he sat up

“A little” he grunted

You tugged at his shirt, “off” you demanded 

“You don’t have to-” he looked up at you as he rubbed his eyes

“I know, Joel. I want to” you softly cut his sentence 

He layed back on his stomach again as you straddled his legs. Just having him naked except for sleeping boxers, totally submitting to you, sent a tingle down your core. But you ignored it. Your only focus was to make Joel feel better. 

You squirted some gel on your palm, setting the tube on the side, 

“I’ve never done this before,” you warned him,

“Neither have I, honey,” his muffled voice giving rise to a small giggle leaving your lips

You carefully splayed your hands on his lower back as you spread the gel. the delicious combination of the hotness of his skin mixed with the coolness of the gel stirred something in your stomach, 

Focus. Focus. Focus 

You pressed your fingers in his muscles, feeling the knots. He moaned at the relief. 

“Felt so good,” he muttered, 

You continued massaging his back, digging your fingers wherever you felt the stress. Taking notes of and following what brought him pleasure, you moved your small hands through his back and shoulders. Occasionally scratching his back with your nails and pulling the sounds of pleasure from his throat. 

All the sounds he made did not help, but only worsened the condition between your legs. You felt giddy, knowing you made him feel this good. 

You only prayed that the wetness between your legs didn’t seep through your thin pajamas and on his skin. Because this was about him and him only. Completely oblivious of Joel's situation underneath you, that after a few digs and dips of your fingers he started getting hard and by this time he was rock hard. 

“Baby” he breathed, “st-stop” he started to move, his cock taking control of his brain, 

You were startled, immediately getting off of his legs, “did- did i do something wrong?” you asked innocently,

He laid on his back as he stared at the ceiling, his breaths heavy “no darlin’, you did a good job, ‘s jus’-” he huffed as he took your hand and placed it on his member

Your mouth hung open as you felt his cock through his boxers, your mouth salivating just at the imagination,

He looked at you, waiting for you to say something, 

“Good thing I know how to take care of that too,” you smirked as you moved to hook your fingers on the waistband of his boxers as you slowly, teasingly, slid them down, closely watching his reaction change.

“That’s my gir- mmph”

 As soon as his cock sprang free from its confines your gaze immediately left Joel’s. 

His angry reddened tip, decorated with beads of his precum stood hard. You wasted no second in stradling his laps. Your petite fingers wrapped around his member, thumbing on his tip; spreading his leak through the length. You pushed your hair to one shoulder as you bent forward, maintaining eye contact with Joel’s hooded eyes, you kissed the tip, earning a strangled moan. 

You smirked, loving the effect you had on him. His eyes begged for more. You hollowed your mouth, taking his length in your mouth. Your fingers toying with his base. The taste of him was the first taste of your day. His hand made its way to your hair, guiding your mouth; in and out.

“Jus’ like that, baby” he praised 

 He grunted when you twirl your tongue around him, his cock twitching letting you know he’s close. 

“Such a good girl, f’ me,” you watched his eyes closed as he bucked his hips in your mouth, losing himself in the pleasure. 

You quickly removed your mouth, saliva spilling from the sides of your lips, 

“Eyes on me,” you demanded and god did that turn him on 

“Y-yes mami, please continue” he struggled to keep his eyes open, with your plush lips wrapped around his thick cock. 

He guided his cock to your throat causing you to gag. He smirked, repeating the action until tears spilled from your eyes. He used his free hand, gently wiping the tears. 

Perfect combination of rough and soft

You were soaking wet at this point, his dick in your mouth, hand fisted in your hair, and his sinful moans and grunts in your ears. 

He guided your head away, as he manhandled you and in a split second your positions were switched. You gasped as your head hit the soft pillow while Joel towered over you, on his knees. 

“That…was impressive” you breathed as Joel connected your lips in a feverish kiss.

“I’ve still got some strength y’know,” he mumbled as he pulled away slightly before he captured your lips again. It was nothing soft and slow but all teeth and tongue fighting for dominance. 

You would've just giggled at his response but instead you felt a pang of hurt in your chest, 

Joel’s old. Her voice rang in your ears as you blinked your eyes to focus in the moment

Joel grumbled tasting himself on you. Too lost in the kiss you missed when his hands slipped to your sides, pulling down your pajamas and panties in one swift motion. 

You broke the kiss, “Joel” you took a deep breath, his eyes finding yours, waiting for your command, “fuck me wreckless” 

His smirk grew at the command, “yes, m’lady” 

His fingers found your cunt in an instant. You moaned at the contact of his calloused fingers with your aching center. 

He circled your clit a few times before plunging his middle finger knuckles deep without a warning, 

You screamed, “of fuck, Joel-” 

“M gonna wreck you, darlin” he grunted as he drove his finger in and out while his thumb pressed on your pussy, making you squirm, 

“Nngh feels so good” you moaned, 

“So needy, huh?” his eyes glued to throbbing pussy and the juices it squirted, 

He added another finger, building the pressure and maintaining the pace. You felt the knot in your stomach tightened. 

“Close, mmh Joel, i'm close” you struggled to speak, your knuckles turning white as your gripped the sheets beneath you

You arched into his touch, your legs started to tremble as you felt the climax reach. He used his strong free arm across your stomach to keep you in place as he assaulted your cunt. 

“Cum for me, darlin” 

And you did, right then and there. You closed your eyes as you screamed his name like a prayer,

“Look at me” he ordered and you blinked away the tears that had formed in your eyes to obey him, 

He held your gaze as he lowered his mouth and lapped the juices you had released. He devoured it as the first meal of the day,

“Taste so good,” he mumbled more to himself

He drank every drop until you finished. Your chest heaved as he climbed on top of you and connected your lips,

You both moaned in unison as you tasted yourself on his lips, 

“Ready?” he asked as he guided his cock to your entrance

You nodded your head, 

“Words” he spat

“Yes, yes Joel, I'm ready!” you whined, 

And he slipped in, inch by inch until he was balls deep. 

He had fucked you countless times but his size always surprised you and your pussy always hugged him like the first time. 

“So fuckin- tight, this pussy,” he grunted as you adjusted to the size

“Move” you croaked and he obliged, setting a slow and steady pace, 

“My pussy,” thrust “mine to ruin” thrust, harder, “mine to love,” thrust, harder and faster, 

Your walls clenched around him at the words, at the possession, 

He had picked up the pace, fucking into you relentlessly. It wasn’t usual he fucked you this hard but you asked for it, and you were glad.

“So thick” you breathed

He sat on his knees as he wrapped your legs around his waist, holding you there, pounding into you through a different angle, brushing your g-spot everytime. 

“Right there, yes” you bit your bottom lip, 

“Don’t hold back, darlin’ let me hear you” his pace was unbelievable, you felt nothing but him. The coil tightened in your stomach, it was embarrassing how quickly he was pulling another orgasm out of you, splitting you in half,

“Joel, can i cum–” 

“Not yet darlin” he stuttered

The feeling was a lot, you tried your best to hold back. The feeling of his cockstretching your walls, his balls tingling your inner thigh in every thrust. Your thighs twitched, as he held them tightly around him, 

“Joel, please-” you begged, 

His thrusts started to become sloppier, his cock twitched inside you and he nodded, 

“C’mon baby, milk my cock,” he urged

That made you trip from the edge and you came, harder. Your mouth forming incoherent words between his name

He never stopped his movement throughout your high, only when you were done did he spill his seeds, covering your insides with his release. 

He let go of your legs as he collapsed over you, making sure to shift his weight to his elbows

He looked ethereal, post sex suited him so well. His skin glowing with sweat and morning light. His brown curls were a mess. He placed a lazy kiss on your forehead, then lips, “you ‘kay?” he whispered

You nodded, too blissed out to reply verbally. Too much in awe of his soft, sweet side. 

He pulled his cock out and you both winced. He pecked your overstimulated cunt once causing you to shiver before he left for a cloth. 

He cleaned both of you, murmuring praises on your skin as he wiped your legs. 

“Wrecked ya, huh?” he said as he observed your fucked out state, 

You hummed in response, “forgot you even had a back pain” 

“What back pain?” he feigned confusion as he tossed away the cloth, causing you to giggle 

You knew you couldn’t share your encounter with Nancy at the mart, you knew he was already silently insecure about the age gap.

-

Joel was quick to return to work after his trip to San Antonio. He headed to a bar with Tommy before returning home. The brothers conversed about a deal that Joel had made.

“Hey, there’s Frank, wanna come?” Tommy said, looking over Joel’s shoulder. 

Joel turned his face to see Frank talking to a woman before bringing his attention back to his neat whiskey,

“No, ‘m a’right here” He grumbled, watching Tommy leave from his peripheral vision

He downed his half empty cup before he ordered another. He zoned out looking at his whiskey, his fingers tracing the rim of the glass. 

A low grunt beside him caught his attention, turning his face and he was met with Arthur ordering his liquor. 

Joel returned his gaze to his whiskey and taking a sip, 

“Howdy, Joel? How was San Antonio?” Arthur asked

“Was fine, made a deal” Joel replied, already wanting an out from his company. His head is already cloudy from drinking.

“And how’s ya little thing doing?” Arthur leaned, instantly causing Joel to lean away. He wasn’t sure he heard it right

“What?” Joel barked,

“Ya know,” Arthur swung his wrist gripping the glass of whatever he ordered, he shrugged, “that sweet little y/n-” 

“Watch your mouth” Joel growled

“All i’m saying is she’s too young, deserves someone who can actually take care ‘f her” if Arthur was any sober he would’ve shut up after Joel’s first warning, but he just mindlessly continued,

Joel’s bore a hole on the side of his head with his intense gaze, his grip tightening on the glass as he watched Arthur speak, “jus’ feel bad for her, stuck with you–” 

Joel gathered Arthur’s collar in his hand,

POW!

Joel’s fist collided with Arthur’s jaw in a swift motion. 

-

“- and when i told Chris about it, he was equally appalled and said, no offense” Lace lightly held your arm before quoting her boyfriend, “it’s a phase for you and that you’d get over Joel, either way its- ” you gaze shifted to Snow who stood beside Lace, offering you an apologetic smile,

Snow and Lace were your best friends since school. Snow never judged you for your relationship with Joel. Lace, on the other hand, did not always agree with your choices even if she did love you. 

“Lace,” you began, cutting her rambles, “i’m happy, isn’t that enough?” you sighed, tears brimming at the corner of your eyes. 

The three of you were at Millie’s, one of your mutual friends, birthday party. It was your first public appearance after moving in with Joel. you were too scared to join but Lace and Snow were adamant about you joining them. 

Few of the girls asked you weird questions but thanks to your two friends who cornered you to avoid more conversations. 

Lace was quick to notice your eyes, as she took your hand, “of course! but-” 

“No ‘but’s, we’re done. I think I should head home, it’s pretty late,” Snow announced, your gaze darted to the clock, 11:45 stared back at you.

“Yeah, i’m leaving too-” 

“y/n?” it was, Auburn, one of Millie’s friend who you met twice at parties, you knew she cheated on multiple boys just because she thought she was too good for them, “wh- are you guys leaving already?” Auburn looked around the three of you,

“Yeah, can’t stay out late, y’know” Snow carelessly answered as she fished something from her bag, leaving the kitchen

“And let me guess, y/n, you have to go home to your old man?” Auburn directed at you

“Well, at least I have someone to go home to,” you knew it was a cruel jab, but you didn’t care at the moment. 

She gasped, clearly taken aback, “Wow, the old man-” 

“It’s Joel” you interrupted, to which she only rolled her eyes before continuing, 

“Yeah, poor Joel, i mean, having to deal with you every single day, God, i’d be damned” 

Before you could reply, Lock showed up at the kitchen door, “hey, I was leaving, ya need a ride? Snow’s in the car” He was one of your close friends. 

Lock got a nod from you before you pointed at Auburn, “Maybe you need to grow up,” you muttered, already heading out of the kitchen before you heard her voice, “don’t go falling in love, it’s all about good fuck-” you shut the door behind you,

You quickly got into Lock's car, not bothering to bid anyone goodbye. Your vision was glossy, you held back your tears through the small distance to your house, 

It was around 12 when you stepped in the house, the television was on in the living room. You peeked to see sarah on the couch,

“Sarah, what are you doing up?” your voice was harsher than intended, 

She jumped and you almost felt guilty for the way you scared her, 

“You’ve got school tomorrow, go to bed. Now.” you scolded watching her turn off the tv as she muttered a small ‘sorry’ heading upstairs. 

Joel still wasn’t home. And as an unspoken rule, you didn’t want to go to bed without him, like he doesn’t without you. 

You removed your earrings, placing them on the table before you slumped on the couch,

The voices in your head growing, 

Is this wrong? 

Why can’t they keep their noses out of my relationship decisions?

Does Joel feel that I'm way too young for him? 

Is he embarrassed too?

 The longer Joel took to come home, the louder the voices became, 

Does Sarah get questioned about me and Joel?

Does Sarah still like me?

Does Joel still-

You heard the door unlock and you brought yourself up. Joel stumbled in, you knew he had a few drinks. Quickly you got up to hug him and to have him silence the noises in your head, 

Too disappointed about your night, you didn’t notice the bandage on his knuckles, or the sour expressions he wore, as you moved your body to hug him, 

His figure stiffened against you. His hands coming up to your arm as you shuddered under his touch, 

“What’s wrong?” he muttered as he stroked your hair, putting aside his pain to try and heal yours.

You shook your head, not wanting to feed his insecurity, “party was a bit exhausting” you lied

“C’mon baby,” as he moved you both toward the couch, “ya wanna talk about it?” 

You straddled his lap burying your head in the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent of whiskey and cigarettes 

His hands traced your back softly and you whimpered, you loved Joel so much. 

You picked your head up to face Joel. He looked tired. Nevertheless, one of his hands cupped your face and instinctively, you placed a kiss on the inside of his wrist before intertwining your fingers with his, and that's when you felt the skin of bandage under your fingertips, 

“What happened?” it was your turn to be concerned

He stayed quiet for a beat, both of you looking in between you, your intertwined hands but feeling miles away emotionally,

“Just a random cut, nothing serious” and it was his turn to lie,

That was the turning point of your relationship. 

“C’mon let's go to bed,” Joel suggested,

-

The next few weeks went by the same. Everywhere you went, they talked shit. Sometimes you defended but other times you were tired of talking back knowing they won’t stop either way. 

You noticed how Lace kept pushing Lock to you. Always calling him over when you had plans with her and then leaving quickly so you and Lock can spend some time alone. He was a nice guy, but you only saw him as a friend, nothing more, nothing less. And Joel knew it too. 

But oh when he kept getting “with Lock” as your response to his “where ya at”, did he start to feel otherwise. Almost everyday at work he was defending his relationship with you, and after knowing you’re with Lock most of the time, he started believing the criticisms. 

“Things alright between you two?” Tommy carefully asked Joel one day,

“Yeah, why?” Joel didn’t remove his gaze from the contract paper in his hand,

Tommy shrugged, “i don’t know, been seeing her with that Lock guy a lot these days so–”

“Look good together, don’t they?” another man chirped in, but as soon as he received a deathly glare from Joel he backed off immediately. But the words stuck with joel, look good together

That night when you clung to him, like you always do, he didn't reciprocate. The voices in his head were getting loud and you weren’t there to silence them. 

-

“Where?” he snarled 

It was just another rough night for the two of you. Joel had canceled plans with you because work buddies are insisting on game night , delaying it to the next week. Both of the times Lace and Snow had swung by. With Lace reciting her “you deserve better” mantra. 

Earlier this week, Snow had asked you to go shopping for her vacation. And you couldn’t say no, given she had dropped her things just because you were depressed when Joel canceled the plans for the second time. 

If he could, why couldn’t you?

“Shopping” you put another popcorn in your mouth as your eyes fixed on the movie. 

You were upset. You were mad at him. And the whole week had passed without Joel noticing it. Maybe it was about time. 

You felt his eyes on the back of your head. You wanted nothing more than to turn around and make up for the lost time. Clear all the distance that had somehow forged its way between two of you. 

But you didn’t. You resisted. You wanted to check your and  his limits

“Of course, and Lock is gonna be there” Joel scoffed, placing his hands on his hips where he stood at the back of the sofa you sat on. 

That hit the button instead. You exhaled a shallow breath, not believing your ears, 

“What is that supposed to mean?” you turned to face him, his typical annoyed stance in display for you; fingers pinching the bridge of his nose.

“You know very well,” his eyes met yours for a brief second, before he moved to exit

To say you were furious was an understatement. You abandoned your popcorns and movie as you scurried away to chase him,

He faced the cabinets before he heard your angry stomping in the kitchen. 

“What the fuck, Joel?” you barked

He just stood there, leaning against the counter. His arms folded against his chest as he glared back at you,

Frustration bubbled inside of you. Taking a step closer, you let the anger get the best of you, 

“You fucking canceled on me for sake of your buddies,” you were fuming, “you didn’t even notice me being upset” you voice rose with every sentence, “and now you’re accusing me?!” 

“Lower your fucking voice!” he roared causing you to shudder, 

“You’re unbelievable, Miller” you back stepped to the door of the kitchen before you left 

As soon as you stepped out of kitchen you spotted Sarah sitting on the sofa hugging her legs,

“You guys are fighting again?” she mumbled

Your heart shattered at her state. You were quick to sit by her side, engulfing her in your arms, 

“Oh no, honey,” you kissed her hair, “it’s just- you know- we don’t always agree on the things” you caressed her hair

She sniffled, facing you, “so- so you’re not leaving, right?” her wet eyes shining with hope and that was not helping to your breaking heart, 

Your throat tightened so you stuck with shaking your head ‘no’ and a tight smile

Few minutes had passed and Sarah was already asleep on your shoulder. You calmly woke her so she doesn’t hurt her neck in that position. Tucking her in the bed, you closed her door and were met with Joel.

He stood there, shifting his weight from one foot to another. He jerked his head in the direction of your shared bedroom, asking you to join him, and so you did. 

Once the door closed, he turned to you, grasping your small hands in his, 

“I’m sorry” he croaked, “for everything,” 

You looked up at him and gave him a sincere smile as you nodded, “let’s go to sleep,” 

None of you talked about your feelings. None of you shared about the insecurities that you both had regarding each other. None of you reached out for the other to cuddle. 

-

“I’ll wait outside, you can grab whatever you need, yeah?” Joel said as he digged his wallet for his card 

You only nodded as taking the card and hopping out of his truck, rushing into the mart. 

Joel lit a cigarette as he watched you from the driving seat. He knew this was all wrong. It was a lose-lose situation. He couldn’t be with you openly, scared of more rude comments towards you (he could manage the ones thrown at him) but still everyone was aware of your relationship and hence, bringing up the topic out of nowhere.

You, on the other hand, were embarrassed, feeling Joel didn’t want to be seen with you. You both had moved past the point of discussing your feelings and knee-deep in the mess

Once you returned, Joel tried to reach for your hand but you were quick to pull away. It was like a reflex and you almost regretted it. Almost. 

He cleared his throat in an awkward way, “uh- you’re still up for Bill and Frank’s party tomorrow?” 

“Yeah, but I’ll go there with,” you swallowed, too hard to push the words out of your mouth, “with Lace,” 

Joel took a double look at you, “uh, any specific reason?” he asked trying his best to stay calm,

“Yeah, she wanted me there to help her with outfits and make up so i might as well leave with her,” you shrugged, nervously tugging on your nails.

“Okay,” he said lowly, almost as a whisper,

-

“Don’t make dinner tonight” Joel said a few hours after you both had got home, 

“Why? Are you with your boys tonight?” No matter how much you tried to keep the anger at bay, somehow it slipped, 

Joel sighed, as he walked to you, his eyes trained on you. But your gaze couldn't meet his. As if you were hiding something, like you were not honest, except that you were. You were just fed up with your fights with Joel. Fed up with not sharing thoughts like you used to. 

“No, I'll get take-out on my way back,” he said. Your brows furrowed, “We’ll just relax and maybe watch a movie, your choice. How does that sound?” he explained his plans for the night, 

You nodded, “okay, sounds good, but can we maybe dine out? There’s this pretty place-” 

“Baby, I really want just the two of us, we can go next time, ‘kay?” he pressed his lips on your forehead, 

You gave him a tight smile, “sure” 

All you wanted was for him to love you openly. All he wanted was to keep you from any and every hurt even if it meant he had to avoid being seen together. If only you both spoke your feelings. 

-

“Honestly, I think he’s not opening up to you because you won’t get it since you’re young, y’know?” Lace said as she fixed her dress, “Do you really think you’re the best match for him? Woman his age are dying to marry him,” 

You tried to stop another flood of tears threatening to fall from your eyes. Your eyes were already swollen from the crying you had today at Lace’s because you were watching your relationship with Joel fall apart. It was all perfect when the world didn’t know. The bubble had bursted.

“You’re right,” you sighed,

-

Joel didn’t really prepare for his appearance as much as he did for the looks thrown his way when he moved with you. You and him didn’t know how to handle the criticisms and that had your relationship at stake. 

He arrived at bill and frank’s and eagerly started to look for you. But you were nowhere to be found. He had texted you but there was no response from you. Were you even coming?

He met with his friends and like a habit, everyone asked about you. 

He stepped on the front porch, desperately escaping from endless questions and trying to muster up excuses of your absence. Two shots in, he felt his brother hand on his shoulder, “heartbreak?” Tommy asked as he sipped his whiskey, 

Joel only grunted in response, not really paying attention to his question, “so when did it happen?” 

That had his attention, “what?” 

“The breakup and that” Joel followed Tommy’s gaze. 

You had just gotten out of the car and stumbled your way inside. Lock’ hand pressed to your lower back as he guided you inside the house. Lace quickly trailing behind you both, struggling with her own dress. 

Joel’s lips parted in shock. How could you do this? What was happening? The liquor had started to dizzy his mind. 

The look on Joel’s face was enough to let Tommy know that he was oblivious to the situation just like him. 

“There’s someone I'd like you to meet,” Tommy said carefully, and convincingly.

Joel eyes took a few seconds before moving from the door from where you had just entered the house, 

He just nodded in response, before he chugged the entire bottle in one go. 

He was mad. He was disappointed. He was angry. But most importantly, he was hurt. But one thing about him, he was a hard person to go and confront. Why would he do that when he can do things he won’t remember the next morning? 

The last sober thought was you. Then the rest was alcohol in his veins controlling his mind.

—-----

You left Lace’s apartment as you hurried to Lock' car. 

“Hi, Lace is coming, told me to go,” you said as you greeted him, 

Lace took solid 10 minutes before she appeared on the entrance door of the building. Those 10 minutes you listened to Lock talking about some girl he’s madly in love with and will ask her out tomorrow. She was a friend of your friend, she was nice. You were genuinely happy for him. 

You were on your way when you checked your phone. You didn’t realize you had missed a text from Joel. You swiped to reply to him, telling him you were on your way. But Lace snatched the phone from you, 

“Enough using phone for tonight,” she grinned 

You instinctively chased her hand and turned to the backseat. Unknown to you, your dress had stuck in the door. 

Rip. 

You heard and felt your fabric tearing from your back. With your shocked expression, Lace was concerned, 

“I think I ripped my dress from the back,” you said slowly, reaching your hand on your back and you felt your skin. “Oh my god, I just ripped my dress!” you cried,

“Is it something a needle and thread can fix?” Lock asked as he tried to calm the chaos you both had created, 

Lace inspected the ripped part, “i think so, i can do it but where do we get the needle and thread?” 

“Frank has it,” Lock informed, 

Your face was contorted in worry, your phone long forgotten, 

“Okay, Lock you cover her way up to the restroom, I’ll go get the things I need from Frank,” Lace ordered as you all got off the vehicle. 

And so you all rushed in. Your mind was directed to; will Lace be able to fix my dress? 

You didn’t greet anyone as you bolted toward the restroom. Lock stayed outside as you rushed inside. Lace quickly returned and fixed your dress. 

“And all done!” she said excitedly

You turned your neck to the mirror to see that indeed she had done a good job. 

Leaving the bathroom, you parted ways with Lace and Lock as you went out looking for Joel. 

“Hey! Have you seen Joel?” you asked Bill,

“Why yes, he’s finally got some sense back,” he tilted his glass in Joel’s direction, 

There stood Joel, no, there swayed Joel in the arms of a stranger. Joel’s arms linked loosely around her as her’s around his neck, pulling him closer, 

“perfect match,” Bill added, 

Your lips parted to say something but no words came out, “wh-” you began but were immediately cut by Bill as he clicked his tongue and shook his head, 

“Don’t go ruining a good thing now, kid,” 

You couldn't avert your gaze from the scene in front of you until it was blurred by your tears. 

“Excuse me” your voice shook, as you turned away, tears spilling as you ran to the restroom again. 

How bad you wished you didn’t leave the restroom, or that you left a little later until he detached himself from her. 

Did he really fall out of love? Did he really let them dictate him? You wanted to go and confront but-

You broke down. Bad. 

You didn’t mind your makeup, that you put on with precision, smudging. Your knees hit the bathroom floor as you cried your eyes out. 

The ringing of the phone caused you to take a break. Taking out the phone more tears fell from your eyes as Joel’s name displayed on your screen. 

The ringing ceased and a text followed a few minutes later, 

Joel: Where are you? 

You scoffed at his text. You wanted to go to him and scream at him. But you didn't want to give in to all the people who told you this was never gonna work. Sure your relationship had gone down the hill since last month. But was ending the relationship really better than running in a circle every other day? Loving Joel only in the boundaries of your house? 

You wanted to go home, Joel’s house, and move out. This wasn’t going to work. You had decided. The thought of officially ending the relationship pulled new strings of tears from your eyes as you texted Lace about going home before you stuffed the phone in your purse. 

Just like you had entered, keeping your gaze lowered, you left the exact same way. You heard the unmistaken sound of a voice calling your name but you couldn’t stop and turn. No, you kept moving. 

You exited the main gate and walked on the side of the street. You were walking quickly, wanting to go away from him as fast as possible. You heard the familiar voice called you again, 

“What is it, Joel?” you seethed as you turned around. 

You looked horrible, you knew it but you couldn’t care less right now. 

Joel eyes widened at your appearance, 

“Jus’ wanted to ask, how long have you been with Lock?” he whispered as if even he was ashamed of asking the question. He looked down, prepared for any answer that you had to offer

Your heart dropped at his question, “what?” oh how bad you hoped you heard it wrong, 

“Ya heard it,” he muttered, “i saw you both, ‘s okay, i understa-” 

Before he could complete his sentence, you had walked up to him, staring deep in his eyes, “are you fucking kidding me right now?” your voice was low but hid a menace beneath it, 

Joel stayed quiet, he looked at you but his eyes were empty. 

“Are you serious, Joel?” your voice shook, all of your power was used up at keeping your tears from falling, 

“How about you tell me about you dancing in someone else’s arms?” your voice rose and you pushed him back, “was that what you've been doing in my absence?!” you hit his chest, “tell me!” your voice wavered and once again the dam broke, “tell me Joel!” 

The sides of your fist kept colliding with Joel’s hard chest as you let everything out, “tell me why were you so embarrassed of me? Of us?” joel stayed silent as he received your weak punches and watched the tears stain your face

“Tell me where did we go wrong?” you energy had drained before you slowly uttered the last question

“When did you stop loving me?” that was his last straw, as he held your wrist just as you were pulling away, 

“Don’t” he said firmly, “anything but that” 

“We’ve fallen apart,” you croaked, “Gonna take a miracle to save us this time-” 

“I still love you,” he promised

You shook your head as your released your hands from his grip,

“Then tell me why didn’t I feel loved?” you whispered 

Joel once again fell silent, “I-” he shook his head, wanting to wake up from the worst nightmare,

His throat tightened, he wanted to tell you that he wanted to protect you. But your outburst told him the only way you would’ve felt protected was if he held your hand in front of everyone. 

He began, not knowing what to say but his mind screamed one thing, 

Don't say goodbye, don't say goodbye

You wiped the tears from your face as you took a deep breath, 

“Goodbye, Joel” 

You turned and walked away as Joel stood still. The wind blew cold against his skin. 

Did he throw away the best part of his life? 

It’s alright, Just two hearts breakin’ even tonight

You’d go and get on with your life, he’ll get on with his’, broken hearts can’t call the cops, it’s a perfect crime.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[lovesickinbed]

best friend!ellie who is actually in love with you and hates every person you bring home

you do not have the best track record with relationships

in fact literally every person you date turns out to be a major scumbag

and ellie knows this

because more often than not she's the one picking up the pieces and consoling you

when really all she wants is to tell you to leave those idiots and be with her

“look,” she says to you one day, as you're about to embark on another date

"just don’t… don’t go with him, okay?”

"i'm gonna be fine. he’s not like the others, he’s - he’s really nice, els. and sweet. i think you’d really like him.”

ellie scoffs at this, jaw clenching

“and I really appreciate how much you care. i do. you’re - you’re an amazing friend-”

that's what did it

ellie's gaze flickers back to you, all ice

any evidence of her previously gentle demeanour has completely vanished

"i’m not gonna like him,” she snaps. "as a matter of fact, i’m not even gonna try. you know why?”

she takes a step forward and presses her finger against your chest, hard

"because they're all nice," she continues. "jake was nice. alex was nice. hell, even brady was nice to you at first, but that got pretty overshadowed by the other girlfriend he had the entire time, huh?”

she jabs her finger at you to enunciate every point

“Face it,” Ellie huffs. “None of these guys are good enough for you. They’re all just gonna hurt you, lie to you, cheat on you, whatever. And if you keep going along this road, someday you’re gonna end up married to some deadbeat that treats you like shit and screws his secretary, all because he was nice.”

at this point ellie has you backed up against the wall, the distance between you so little than you can feel her laboured breaths against your lips

at her words, something inside you twists, and a shot of laughter bubbles up your throat

“Don’t you think I know that? Don’t you think that this is embarrassing enough for me as it is?”

“Don’t you think,” you spit, “that I feel like an absolute idiot every time I find out you’re right about the guy I’m seeing? That he doesn’t actually love me, that he’s just like the rest?”

“Because I do, okay? And the first thing I think of when one of these douchebags cheats on me or yells at me or lies to me isn’t even about how I’m feeling. It’s you!”

Ellie is taken aback by this, like a lot

"Me?"

“Yes, Ellie, you. I think of how your face gets all scrunched up, like - like this! Oh my god, you’re doing it right now.”

you grab her face with both hands as if to solidify your point

“I think about how you look at me like this, feeling all sorry for me and concerned and pitiful and I just…” your breath catches , a sob building in your throat

“I hate what comes after that, too. How angry you get, frustrated because you have to deal with this again and again and again.”

at this point ellie has to grab your wrist to stop you from jabbing the heel of your hand against your forehead repeatedly

she takes your wrists in her hands, concern etched into her features

"hey, hey. i'm not mad at you. i'm never mad at you."

you whine like a little kid when you respond

"yeah, you are"

"'m never mad at you," ellie assures you, pulling you into a hug. "just hate seeing you get hurt. it fucks me up, seeing what those guys do to you. and yeah, it makes me fucking pissed."

you're still really upset, choking back sobs as ellie rubs your back

"i know you think i'm pathetic," you say softly

and ellie's like what?????

because she doesn't think that, ofc she doesn't

"said it yourself. 'm never gonna meet a guy that's good to me. why bother, right?"

"no, that's not what i--" ellie cuts off, struggling to find the right words. "i didn't mean it like that."

"what'd you mean then?"

ellie's in physical pain trying to find a way to say this

because tbh she's been avoiding it for a while now

"just meant that... like, these guys, they're... they're idiots, because you're absolutely gorgeous and they don't see that"

"you don't think that guys find me pretty?"

"what? no! of course they see it. they just don’t notice the little things, you know? like the look you get when you aced a test and you’re about to tell me about it, or how you refuse to wear anything but a skirt even when it’s freezing out-”

what ellie's really trying to say slowly dawns on you

"ellie-” you cut in

“I mean, not that I’m complaining or anything-”

“ellie.”

“I just mean that there’s a million little things that make you who you are that these guys just don’t get. And I could spell it out for them, hell, I could even put it on like, a huge billboard and they still wouldn’t get it. Because that’s just who they are. And it makes sense that you’re shocked by it every time, because it makes no sense-”

“Ellie.”

“Fuck it,” Ellie curses below her breath, before grabbing your face in her hands and meeting your lips with hers

and it was one thing for her to kiss you, but God, it was another thing completely for you to kiss her back

it's completely electric, and ellie can't even believe it's happening

you pull away first, breathless

"you gonna let me talk now?" you ask, your words coming out muffled because ellie's hands are still planted firmly on your cheeks

"no," ellie says, and then dives into you again

when she finally, reluctantly, pulls up for air, you try a second time

"ellie," you whine, and she laughs and kisses you again quickly

"okay," she breathes, "talk."

you're just trying to make sense of the situation right now because everything is happening so suddenly

"you like me," you say, looking for confirmation

"i love you," ellie corrects, "i love you, and i swear that if that airhead comes into this room in the next five minutes to pick you up for that date, i'm going to punch his lights out"

"hey," you pout, "michael is nice"

ellie rolls her eyes and says "there you go again with the nice"

"fine," you laugh, "no more nice guys. i don't like 'em anyway"

"well that's a surprise"

you hum against the crook of her neck, "don't like nice guys. love you, though"

"good," ellie murmurs against your hair, "'m sick of 'em. don't wanna see 'em around my girl again"

"no more nice guys," you solemnly agree, "just mean, scary ellie"

"that's right," ellie agrees, before leaning down to kiss you again and again and again :))

[hunnylagoon]

Right Where You Left Me

Pt 2: Jailbird

Ellie Williams x reader

I want to write a poem about you but I’m afraid it won’t be enough. I almost feel ashamed that I want you to fit into a word because we both know that you are beyond anything that can be put on paper.

Premise: You and Ellie were childhood friends before you drifted apart. Funny thing about soulmates is that they tend to find there way back to each other. While you both visit home for winter break, events unfold and it is no longer possible to avoid each other.

Warnings: Angst / homophobia / brief violence / reader has religious issues

Part one here!

Part three here!

Part four here!

I may have been wrong to say that I could never hate Ellie. Fuck she was vicious, in the most passive-aggressive way too. She's so sly about it that I can't even get mad without seeming irrational.

Winter break finally rolled around and I had yet to make any progress with Ellie it was whatever the opposite of progress is. If she wanted to hate me, that was fine, I could do the same, I could be petty. It's now December and all of this bullshit started in September, she could hardly be courteous.

Fuck her.

I had survived mid-terms and finals but the way Ellie was acting had me skipping happily towards the edge. She will wash a whole sink of dishes and leave just my fork, or Venmo request me if I ate one of her grapes. Everything had gotten worse when Dina, Abby, and Cat all left to visit their families for winter break leaving just Ellie and I, without the girls there to hold us to the house rules we were at each other's throats.

She was foaming at the fucking mouth to tear me apart. There was no level-headed Abby or fun-loving Dina, not even Cat who was just mellow. Just me and Ellie verbally abusing each other. "Fuck off, with your wild animal teeth," I spat, slamming the dish cupboard closed with a loud thud.

"Wild animal teeth?" She repeats "Wow, you're getting creative, I'll give you that," Ellie's gaze held a certain bitterness "Heard you were on your knees again last night and I don't mean praying."

My eye almost twitches at her words and it takes everything in me not to throw a ceramic bowl at her. I hated her, I hated her freckled face, and eyes as sharp as knives, just hearing her raspy voice, and seeing her sardonic smile made me want to keel over and let the earth wrap me in her flourishing greenery. I often wanted that to happen. I was trying to refrain from going home as I didn't want to spend the entire break with my family but I was starting to think nothing was better than this, I was set to leave the following day (Christmas Eve) anyway but I was seconds away from grabbing my bag and jumping into my car. "Can you just learn to be fucking civil?"

"Why would-

"Because we were sixteen years old when that stupid shit happened!" I spat "You're holding a grudge from when we were sixteen," I reiterated, searching her features for some sign that I'd gotten through to her.

"It's not like you've changed since any of that happened." She stands, unnervingly calm on the other side of the kitchen island. "You were always awful since we were young, always crying, always emotional, always explosive, my dad said you're like a birch tree, one spark and you burst into flames."

"Fuck off."

"You always had to have the attention," Her eyebrows furrow "Nothing was your fault, blame being fucking erratic and insane on your parents."

"You don't know my parents half as well as you think you do."

"What don't I know about them? They've been in my life as long as you have."

"Ellie, stop," I say, suddenly I'm taken away from the mood to fight, I just want to scream into my pillow.

"What?" She asks "You're going to say some shit like 'they aren't loving'  or 'you wouldn't get it' Please, enlighten me, what wouldn't I get?" She moves closer just an inch or so "Wow, your life sounds so hard, you have two parents who love each other and a huge fucking house, oh shit," Sarcasm drips from her tone "Maybe it's that trust fund that's taking a toll on you."

"Please, stop."

"You could commit every crime known to man and you would still be their pride and joy, there is nothing you could say or do that would make them hate you-

"Here we go with your 'life is so fucking hard and I'm edgy and indie and I have a sad backstory that I'll bring up every second sentence even though I was seven when it happened' " I mock her.

She bites the inside of her cheek and I can tell that I've struck a nerve "You know when my lease-

"Don't even worry about it," I move out from the kitchen and begin towards my room, Ellie's eyes are trailing me "The minute my lease is up, I'm packing my shit and moving into student housing so I won't have to look at your fucking face while I'm eating!" I slam my bedroom door behind me.

I left that night, I couldn't bear the sound of her guitar strums, so repetitive it made me want to slam my head through the drywall.

You better believe that I cried my entire way home while blasting Julien Baker. My mother was pleasantly surprised to see me at her doorstep a day early, I knew Ellie would be coming down sometime tomorrow to spend the Holidays with her family, I didn't know when, I just knew that I didn't want to see her.

I never even told my parents that Ellie was my roommate and they hadn't heard it from Joel as they drifted when Ellie and I were fifteen.

My bedroom was exactly how I left, I cuddled into my twin bed that night sinking into the absolute silence of the the snowfall, with my dog Dusty curled at my side. I always loved the snow, the way it acted as soundproofing for the earth, when I was little I would just sit in the backyard so I could hear the birds sing in their purest and truest form.

Christmas Eve was dull to begin with, to say the least; my mom made Christmas tree-shaped waffles as she did every year, I was then dragged to an excruciatingly long church sermon. When we returned home I was sent to shovel the driveway, turns out visiting home from college doesn't excuse you from chores. I knew Ellie had arrived when I saw her grey sedan in Joel's driveway as well as Tommy's Range Rover. Bundled up in mittens and a hand-knitted scarf that Naomi gave to me I felt really tough giving the middle finger to Ellie wherever she was in Joel's house.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Elijah was cackling in the doorway. Dusty I happily bounding through the snow, paying to mind to my brother.

I immediately dropped my arm, trying to play nonchalantly "Uh, shoveling the driveway?"

His laughter only grew "You look so stupid," He huffed between cackles "You're standing in a foot of snow in the driveway giving Mr. Miller's house the middle finger in your cute little mitts."

"Say that louder, no one could hear you," I say, sarcastically.

"Hear ye, hear ye-

My eyes go wide and I drop the shovel to form a snowball and deck it at my brother "Shut up!"

"Ow!" He flinches, and his track and field hoodie from high school is now covered in powdered sleet. "Whatever," He yanks his hoodie off to shake the snow off of it "Just finish the driveway so we can watch a movie or something, I haven't seen you in months, Naomi and Aaron haven't shut up about you all holiday break."

I give him a mitted thumbs up before I try to speed run the shovelling, albeit slipping on black ice more than a few times. When I came back inside, I needed to change, my parka was dripping with snow that had melted into water.

I bundle up into sweatpants and an old soccer t-shirt. Being in my old room digs up memories pinned on my wall with bright thumbtacks year after year of photos of my soccer team, in every single one Ellie and I have our arms slung over each other. We're smiling wide and not focusing on the camera but on one another. I tear the picture away from the thumbtacks and throw them into a random shoe box that sits at the bottom of my closet. After that, I take down every artifact I have of Ellie, the drawings she made me, drafts of songs we wrote together, and t-shirts she left in my drawers, I throw it all into a Rubbermaid storage bin.

Though I leave the little wood carvings that Joel made for me alone.

My family's famous Christmas Eve dinner rolled around and I couldn't believe how excited I was, I'm not the best cook and despite me and my mother going through spats every other day, she was one hell of a good chef and I had spent months craving her honey roasted carrots and creamy mashed potatoes.

Please don't judge me when I say this, but we are the family that dresses up for dinners at home. Nothing black tie, just something a little dapper, one time I wore jeans to our family dinner and I was grounded for a week.

I finished zipping up my white sundress and I let my little sister tie a matching bow into my hair, when she saw what I was wearing she changed into her white dress which was ankle length while mine fell right above my knees.

"Oh, my sweet girls are matching again," My mom fawns over us "Let me get a picture of this cute little moment," I smile for the picture, and Naomi does the same, hooking an arm around my midriff. "Adorable," Mom looks at the picture before tucking her phone into her pocket "Now girls, please set the table."

Even though I hadn't been at home for months, setting the table was like muscle memory to me, Naomi put the placemats down, and then I did the dinner plate and salad plate, Naomi would place the napkins and cutlery then I would set glasses and pour everyone water from the pitcher. By the time we finished setting the table everyone aside from my mother and Elijah were at the table, early awaiting what was sure to be a filling dinner.

Slowly but surely my mom brought the dishes with Elijah, placing them all through the center of the dining table. After everything was placed my father, who sits at the head of the table cleared his throat, that was his signal for everyone to join hands. "Dear God, We gather today with grateful hearts to thank you for this food before us. We appreciate the effort and resources that have provided us with this nourishment. May this meal sustain our bodies and remind us of the many blessings in our lives. We are thankful for the love of family and friends who surround us and for the abundance we enjoy. Bless this food, our time together, and those who prepared it. May it strengthen us physically and spiritually. This is your body, this is your love. We thank you for feeding us with your gracious hands. In Jesus' name, we give thanks and pray. Amen."

"Amen," My family repeats before we all ravishingly fill our plates with chicken, maple-roasted mushrooms, buttered green beans, bread rolls, and mashed potatoes. I was eating so fast, I was shocked that I didn't spill anything on myself.

"So, have you met any cute boys at college?" My mother asks me, she is the only one eating politely "I'm sure you could get a real smart guy with those looks of yours."

My father nods "Just make sure he's Christian."

"Or catholic," My mother adds.

I laugh awkwardly in response, I take a sip of my water, the condensation making it slippery in my hands. Elijah gives me an odd look that goes unnoticed by my parents.

"I think we should drop off some bread or cookies or something to the Miller's, just something to say hi while Tommy and Maria are still there." My mom tells us, she isn't speaking to anyone in particular.

"Is Ellie there right now?" Aaron asks.

Elijah shrugs "Probably, her car is in the driveway."

Now Naomi is looking at me "We should invite her over for New Year's or something if she's staying for the rest of break."

My dad shakes his head "I don't know if that's a good idea," All eyes fall on him "It's just- I think she's a bit of a bad influence." He takes a swig of his wine and attempts to suppress a burp but fails. I press my lips into a thin line and look down at my plate to hold in my laughter, Elijah does the same beside me.

"I don't remember Ellie being a bad influence," Aaaron furrows his eyebrows, racking his brain to think of a time that she had done their family wrong.

"It's just that there were rumours of her having-" My father searches for the words "Unnatural tendencies I suppose, and I tried to talk to Joel about it but he got defensive and said that she didn't need fixing, that's how I lost my best fishing buddy."

My mom looks at the discomfort on all of her children's faces "I mean, we all need a bit of fixing."

Dad is quick to catch on "Oh, yeah, of course, I mean it's not just Ellie," He fumbles over his words "And it's not her fault that she's that way, I think It's because she lost her mother when she was young so she got confused about the parental roles, Joel never remarried and he didn't date around much so Ellie didn't have a proper mother figure, it's not her fault she's a dyke and there's still time to fix it if she wants to choose the right path."

Stillness falls over the table, I had never heard silence quite this loud. Even my mother is at a loss for words. All of my siblings are darting our eyes at one another, we don't utter a single word but we understand each other clearly 'Dad actually said it'.

He noticed this and tried to backtrack on his words "I'm not a bad guy, I mean we've all read the bible cover to cover, we know it's a sin. I'll wrap this up, you all know that we love you no matter what and all I'm saying is I'm glad we could distance ourselves away from it."

"Hey Dad, did you watch the Canucks game last week?" Elijah swoops in to change the topic. It's too late, a wave of sickness has already overtaken me.

While my family discusses nothing in particular, trying to ignore what Dad said, I am sick to my stomach, I push my plate away and prop my elbow the the table for my hand to support my head. I am nearly shaking. My dull eyes peer across the table and meet my father's drowsy gaze.

"Honey, are you feeling alright?" My mom pauses whatever conversation she is enwrapped in.

I don't respond, I don't know how.

My family's eyes find a resting place on my figure. Mom pushes herself away from her chair and walks over to me, she places one hand between my shoulder blades, the other takes my cold hand and she slowly rubs a circle on my back to comfort me. "Sweetness, whatever is repressed inside, say it, let it out, we're all family."

Naomi nods in agreement, her wide eyes full of concern. "I don't know how to say it," I tell them.

"Air it out," My dad says, finishing off his glass of wine and pouring himself another "Today is the perfect day, tomorrow is the birth of Jesus, a fresh start."

My heart is racing faster than it ever has before, faster than when I broke my wrist in Ellie's backyard or when I had been on a rollercoaster for the first time. "I like girls," I say, my voice is quiet, and my three words take my family with silence. My mother freezes and takes a step back, her comforting hands leaving me.

"You're joking," My dad scoffs "Tell me this is a joke and you're normal."

"I can't," My voice cracks and I can already tell that the tears are oncoming. I think briefly back to Ellie's words 'There is nothing you could say or do that would make them hate you' if only she could see what was about to happen.

"All of those sleepovers with Ellie?" He is disgusted, his face contorting with horror "Were you dating her?"

"no-

"How can I believe anything you say, you lied to us for nineteen years when you knew you were sick."

"Dad, I'm not sick-

"How many sinful acts have you done under this roof?"

"None, I swear," I shake my head, it took less than a minute for me to be filled with regret at my words. I shouldn't have even come home for the holidays, actually, I never should've found Dina's listing and jumped at the deal.

"Get out," Any light tone in my dad's voice is gone, replaced by pure resentment.

"What?"

"You heard me, get out."

"Dad, it's Christmas Eve-

"Get out!" His voice rumbles through the dining room like thunder "I thought we fixed this phase when we sent you to boarding school."

"Please, dad-

"Get up and get out or I'm going to make you,"

"Fine- make me," Tears prick in my eyes but I cross my arms trying to muster up that false coolness Ellie is so good at feigning.

My dad slams his glass down so hard that it shakes the table, and the partially empty wine bottle my parents had been nursing all night is knocked over by the abruption, tipping over the deep red liquor to travel down the tablecloth and drip onto what was once my pure white dress. "Get up!" He grabs a fistful of my hair and I scream from the shock of pain. He yanks me off my chair and my face slams against the hardwood when his arm slumps, impact heavy from the sudden drop, it doesn't take long for my nose to start bleeding. He drags me to the door pushing it open; my siblings don't do anything they're petrified in horror and my mother begins to cry, covering her eyes from the scene before her.

My dad doesn't stop at the door, I thrash on the ground and he pulls me over both of my hands trying to pry his away from the roots of my hair, he drags me into the snow, finally releasing me. I shake as my hand gently finds the way to my burning scalp where I fully believe he has pulled out clumps of my hair with his harsh and unforgiving grasp.

From the doorway the rest of my family watches, Naomi has a hand covering her mouth her doe eyes brimming with tears of her own. My father disappeared into the house, it didn't take long to see what he was doing he slammed the window to make the bedroom open and began to throw all of my belongings out of the window. My pictures, my old soccer uniform, armfuls of clothes from my old beaten dresser, candles, books, paints, and shredded posters were torn straight off my wall.

"Dad, stop, I'm sorry, I'll get better!" I am on my knees, hands clasped together pleading with him. My skin is burning from the contact with the snow, I know that it must be a horrific sight to behold. White sundress, stained with wine, tangled hair, red-tinged skin, puffy eyes and incoherent sobs.

The snow makes everything so quiet the only sound travelling through the night are my sobs. I can no longer see my father in my bedroom, he is coming back down and somehow that is worse, he pushes past my family and throws the presents I was supposed to receive on Christmas morning beside me, I flinch at the movement.

"I'm sorry!" I plead like I'm bargaining with the Grimm Reaper for my life "Give me a job and I'll do it, just tell me what to do to get better!" The screaming carries through the night, alerting the neighbours in what was supposed to be a calm and quiet neighbourhood. Across the street, Joel turns on his porch light, squinting his eyes at the scene on the opposing lawn and trying to make sense of it. "I want to get better!" I shake with every sob. I could hear my dogs barking from the loud noises.

My dad shakes his head "You're too far gone, I didn't raise a fucking dyke," He is almost crying himself, he doesn't mourn for the daughter that he has but the daughter that could've been. The daughter who donned white every Sunday for church and settled down with a nice family man, a daughter who was holy but in this moment I am the purest form of holiness, born again from the violence of my father.

"Dad, I was created in God's image, why would he create his child to be this way if it was so wrong?"

"You're a fucking mistake is what you are," He seethes "Get off my property or I'm calling the cops."

"You still have my bags!" I scream and I watch him retreat to get them "Are you going to do anything at all?" I search my family for any sign of life but they all avert their eyes from mine. My father comes back out, and he throws my purse and suitcase on the lawn, this time both of them hit me, talking about kicking someone when they're down.

My dad begins to usher the family inside "I never want to see you again, get your ass up and start working, I'm not paying for you to fuck around with women instead of getting an education."

"That's it?" I cry "You won't come to my wedding or meet my kids? What about my funeral?"

"Not as long as you're with a woman." With that, he slams the door behind him and locks it. I let out another guttural sob, I've already cried so much that it's beginning to hurt within my stomach. I take a deep and shaky breath in, wiping the tears away from my eyes with my freezing hands, I'm sure to catch hypothermia if I don't warm up. I look up to see my neighbours all around either watching from their window or in the Miller family's case, the front porch. I'm sure that someone has already called the police.

"Let me in, I'm sorry!" I scramble off the ground and begin to bang on the door. Shaking the handle "Let me in!" This goes on for longer than I would've liked, I hammer on the door and scream as loud as I can but they all ignore me. Eventually, I stand by the window and slam my hands on it "Let me in or give me my fucking dog, you can't take care of him!"

I knew I was fucked when I heard sirens. It only made sense for the neighbours to call the cops at this disturbance.

I'm going to do you all a favour and tell you some useful information; when the police arrive and you don't wanna seem guilty, don't try to drive away from the scene because you might just end up getting handcuffed and shoved into the back of a police car for your childhood bestfriends family to watch from their front row seats.

"Prison life isn't for me," I wallow as I press myself against the bars of the holding cell. There are two other women in the cell with me and they both snigger. One of their names is Lucia, and she has bronze skin and brown hair so dark that it almost looks black with gold hoop earrings the size of my head, I don't know the other woman's name but she looks significantly older and has stringy blonde hair, the wrinkles of her face drooping.

"Honey, this isn't prison, you'll live another hour," Lucia sits on the uncomfortable bench, her arms crossed, she's kind of hot to be blunt.

"You reek of liquor though," Blondie cackles and I catch a glimpse of her rotting yellow teeth, what's the opposite of pearly whites? Golden nuggets? Something like that.

"Because I got wine spilled on me," I retort. I had been crying before they even placed me in the cell, wailing so loud that I was annoying the officers. I was so upset and starved for affection that I hugged the officer who detained me, babbling incoherently about how my life was ruined, I don’t even blame them for arresting me, I looked like a crackhead trying to break into a nice suburban home. “I'm not drunk."

"Could've fooled me," Lucia smirks, she's wearing a black tank top and skinny jeans. I wasn't a fan of skinny jeans but she was converting me.

I fell asleep hugging myself on one of the uncomfortable metal benches with chipped blue paint, when I woke up, it was Christmas, even though it didn't feel like it. I saw the snowfall outside of the windows on the other side of the cells. Lucia had told me just before she was released that they had the right to hold you longer over holidays, I wanted to weep all over again.

Blondie got removed from the cell too and I was all alone. The only thing that kept me sane was pretending I was Katniss or Lucy Gray, if they had survived the Hunger Games, I could survive this. I genuinely thought my life was over and I was getting sent to prison for hammering on my dad's door and screaming.

With each hour that ticked by, my profound sense of loneliness only grew. The sounds of distant laughter flitted through the hall and I am reminded of the world that lies beyond the metal bars. I wonder what my family is doing at this moment, every voice that I hear acts as a reminder of the love I had jeopardized. I lost Ellie, I lost Conner, and now I had lost my family.

I think about praying to god for a moment though I discard the thought. If he was real why did he let that happen to me? Maybe forgiveness and redemption were not necessary.

"Crybaby, call someone to pick you up," Officer Reid who initially arrested me and interrogated me began to unlock the cell, "Charges are dismissed." He had been calling me Crybaby since I was stuffed in the back of the police car and wailing uncontrollably.

"Like for real?"

He was in fact, for real. I was brought to a landline phone and my hands acted faster than my head, dialling the number of someone I would trust with my life, I just prayed that the number hadn't changed.

After making my call I was told to go to a weird booth thing to collect my effects, where an old and very judgmental woman dumped my few belongings out of an envelope. I wish I knew the technical names for this stuff but it's not like I've been arrested before this one off occasion. She looked at each of the items, stating what it was while she took inventory of it. "Smartphone, lipgloss, a single gold earring, and a cross necklace," She marks something down and then turns the paper around and holds out a blue pen for me to take "Sign here."

My phone had died already, I was missing an earring, and the cross had failed me, all I had left to rely on was my cover girl lipgloss. I sat in that stark grey room for what seemed like hours, everyone seemed miserable as I am, at least I wasn't the only person having a not-so-merry Christmas.

Holy shit, I was still disgusting. I was sticky and freezing, still in the wine-ruined white dress, there was still dried blood on my face despite my pestering Lucia to help me get it off. My hair is tangled, the bow that my sister had tied in lost somewhere in the snow. I haven't looked in a mirror but I know I look rough from the side glances that everyone is casting me. I can't imagine the dark bags beneath my red, puffy eyes to be any sort of appealing.

The sterile waiting room is beginning to get on my nerves, I flinch at every movement and hold onto hope that every person walking through the door is the person I'm waiting on. I try my best to avert my eyes from the clock so time doesn't drag on any longer than it already is.

By the time Joel gets here, the sun is beginning to set, his eyes frantically search the room until they land on me, I'm already standing up and walking toward him. "Kiddo, are you okay?"

My lip quivers and it feels like every awful thing I've ever felt is going to seep through my teeth. My head falls onto his chest but this time I don't cry, I think I've run out of tears "I have nothing ahead of me."

Joel doesn't ask questions, he just hugs me in return, resting his chin on the top of my head, there is the comfort I had been so desperately searching for.

He signs release papers and he guides me to his red Ford Explorer. When I called him I asked him to bring me shoes as I was barefoot when I was detained, being the number one dad that he was, he brought a reusable grocery store tote bag, containing a hoodie, sneakers, fuzzy socks, sweatpants and a bag of my favourite chips. I slip the sweats on underneath my dress while the hoodie goes overtop, I awkwardly unzip it and shimmy it off, stuffing it into the tote bag.

The drive back to his house begins and he turns on the radio, trying to make lighthearted chatter "Thanks for coming to get me," I say, my voice is quiet and I pull my knees to my chest like as I tend to do when I get nervous "You can just drop me off at my car and I'll be out of your way."

"Sorry, kiddo," He says, eyes focused on the road "You're staying with me tonight, I don't want you driving these roads in the dark and it'll be good for you to have a hot shower and a warm meal, get some sleep somewhere that's not a holding cell."

"It's just that-

"If you still want to leave in the morning that's up to you but you shouldn't end your Christmas alone," Each word seems so genuine "And you know I would gladly have you stay with me three hundred and sixty-five days a year."

I look at him, a soft melancholic smile on my face, "Thank you," I say.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

A sigh falls from my lips "What happened to all of my stuff that was left on the lawn?"

"Tommy and Ellie brought it all inside."

Ellie brought it back inside? Did she actually give a shit or was this something her dad ordered her to do? "Did my dad say anything to you?"

Joel shakes his head "Maria went barging on his door, those two were in a screaming match for a good two minutes before he locked the door on her. Hasn't been outside since, everyone in the neighbourhood has been coming by to ask what happened."

"Even Sharron?" I ask Joel, wrinkling my nose in distaste.

"Even Sharron," He solidifies. Sharron was the grouchy crone of the street, shutting down every party, cussing out teenagers from her porch, and yelling at barking dogs "She said she was worried about you." The windshield wipers painted rhythmic patterns across the glass, clearing a path through the soft snow that continued to fall.

"She's not worried about me, she's worried I'm on drugs and I'll break into her musty home to steal all of her hummels."

Joel huffs a laugh "I can't believe that I used to let her babysit you and Ellie."

"Me neither, you should be paying for my therapy." I tease.

He chuckles at my words, "So you're majoring in wildlife biology?"

"You remembered what I wanted to major in?"

"Of course I did."

"Hey, Mookie!" Tommy wraps his arms around me the moment I set foot in the door. He's called me Mookie since I was a little girl, it started when I couldn't pronounce monkey and thus Mookie was born. "Let me get a good look at you," He pushes me back just the slightest hands clasped on my shoulders "Look at that bruise you've got on your cheek, looking awful tough, like those greasers you used to read about."

"Look at that, Mookie grew up," Maria greets me with a warm smile, pushing Tommy away to hug me "Good to see you made it through prison alive," She jests.

Joel's house is exactly how it was when I left.

The air carried the familiar scent of firewood and lavender incense. In the living room, an inviting fireplace stood as the heart of the home. Its gentle crackle and the dancing flames provided a soothing backdrop to the overstuffed couches adorned with cozy blankets and throw pillows, worn from years of shared family movie nights. A well-loved rug covered the wooden floor, its pattern a mosaic of memories and spills easily forgiven and of course, a coffee table hand-crafted by Joel and intricately carved.

The shelves lining the walls were a treasure trove of family history. Photographs in mismatched frames captured smiling faces frozen in time, chronicling the evolution of Ellie through the years. A collection of well-read books, their spines creased and pages worn, stood proudly, offering a glimpse into the literary adventures that had unfolded within those walls.

The kitchen, the heart of many childhood homes, held the lingering aroma of Christmas dinner. The countertops, scarred from countless meals prepared and shared, were a testament to the love that had gone into creating family dinners. A worn wooden table in the center of the room bore witness to the countless conversations, celebrations, and moments of solace shared over shared meals.

"You know what, when I was around your age, I spent my fair share of time in the cooler, good to see you're taking after me," Tommy winks and gives me a hard pat on the back. Neither of them acknowledges the reason behind last night's events and somehow it feels worse than talking about it.

"We've just finished up making dinner, I'm sure you're hungry," Maria smiles softly, taking my hand into her calloused one.

"Yeah, I'm starving," I smile in return and trail behind the blonde woman to the dining table.

All of the plates are laid out with portions of food on each one, Ellie is sitting alone, spooning mashed potato into her mouth while she texts someone, she glances up at me and offers nothing more than a tight-lipped smile and awkward wave before going back to her phone. Tommy comes by with a tray of garlic butter rolls and uses tongs to add more onto my plate "Don't think I've forgotten how much you love these."

I grin up at him, I'm sitting in the same chair I sat in all those years ago when I Ellie and I would settle down after spending all day in the sun, Joel would ask us what we wanted for dinner and almost every time we would shout hotdogs.

"Good to have you back," Joel nods to me "House always felt a little empty without you."

I always felt a little empty without this house "Good to be back," I smear some mashed potato onto Tommy's famous garlic butter bread rolls.

I feel almost sick with nostalgia as I look around the dining room, Joel still had Ellie's crafts from elementary school hung up and if you look closely, you find little clues that I've left behind; proof that I once existed as a girl beneath this roof. There's a dent in the wall from the time I stood on my chair to catch a spider and accidentally fell over, my head hitting right into the wall, Ellie was laughing too hard to help me.

"So what school do you go to?" Maria asks me, washing down her pot roast with some ice water.

"Northridge actually," At my words, Ellie's head perks up, she's looking dead at me with a look of fear in her eyes.

"Oh, Ellie goes there!" Tommy smiles "She never mentioned that you do too."

Ellie is silently pleading with me, I know she doesn't want me to tell her family that she's been borderline tormenting me as my roommate and sending me to bed with tears in my eyes. I didn't plan on telling them anyway "That's funny, I guess we just keep missing each other."

Joel set up an air mattress in Ellie's room, that's when it became clear to me that he had no idea just how bad the fallout was between us. I hate to say that I missed her room and all of the memories we shared in it.

Ellie's bedroom resembled something of a teen guy who'd never gotten laid before. She had a navy comforter, her shelves were lined with comics and novels, I know for a fact that she'd read every single one of them. Her desk was always a mess, covered in pages of poetry and sketches that she had torn out from her journal. Almost every inch of her walls is covered in posters of bands, movies and her nerdy video games.

I was fresh out of the shower, finally in my clean clothes that I had dug out of my suitcase. I got to charge my phone too, there was an overwhelming number of messages.

D-Manz: HAPPY CHRISTMAS BITCH!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU AND CAN'T WAIT TO PARTY WHEN WE GET BACK

Jesse: Merry Christmas, hope your day isn’t shit! 😁😁😁

Riley: Merry Christmas! Hope you're having fun at your new school!

Abs: Merry Christmas and stay safe!

Kayla: Missing you girl ☹️ so excited for that staff party!

Kit-Cat: Merry Christmas, don't have too much fun without me

Yara: Merry Christmas ❤️ this probably isn't the time but I was hoping you could send over your notes from the last conservation lecture, just wanna text you before I forget!

566-460-4374: I got your number from Kyle, this is Roderick, I saw you last night and wanted to check up on you, hope everything is okay and merry Christmas.

Lindsey: Hey, haven't talked to you in a while but my parents said some stuff went down, just wanna make sure you're okay.

Ellie: Lmk if you need a ride back to our place

Ellie: Don't know if you can even see this but I got all of your stuff off the lawn, I promise it's safe 👍

Naomi: I'm so sorry

Naomi: I didn't think that would happen

Naomi: I didn't know what to do

Naomi: I love you

Aaron: U good?

Naomi: Please don't hate me, I'm sorry I didn't do anything

Elijah: Sorry but I wish you didn't tell Dad that

Naomi: I'll try to talk to Dad

Elijah: Hope you're safe

Elijah: Call me when you can

Still, there wasn't any word from either of my parents. I replied returning well wishes and assuring everyone that I was okay, I turned my phone onto Do Not Disturb and began to watch the Hunger Games on my phone. The room would've been pitch black if it wasn't for the blue light from my screen and the gentle beams of moonlight gliding through the window.

Ellie walks into the room after she finishes with her shower, she's in sweatpants and an old hoodie that she got from a rodeo, I had the same one, and we bought them together. I glance up at her before looking back at my movie and pulling the quilt further up my body. "You still like the Hunger Games?"

"Yeah," I say, being as brief as possible.

"You should take my bed and I'll sleep on the air mattress," Ellie says while she ties her hair into a low ponytail.

"I'm fine here, thanks."

"Seriously," Ellie is standing awkwardly at the foot of her bed, waiting for me to do something.

I shut my phone off and turned on my other side to face away from her "Just go to bed."

Ellie runs her hands down her face in frustration, she's starting to feel like an asshole "Please take the bed, it's the least I can do." I ignore her so she speaks again "I am begging you," She tells me bluntly "I feel like a dick and it would make me feel better if you just took the bed."

"You are a dick," I answer, she should've seen this response coming from a mile away.

"Please take the bed."

I sit up to look at her, frustration now boiling up inside of me "You're going to be nice now because you feel bad for me?"

"That's not why-

"It is actually," I tell her "This will last for a few days and then we'll go home and you'll be a cunt all over again, fucking keeping a list of everything I lay a finger on so you can say it's my fault if it breaks." She bites the inside of her cheek, that's her tell. Every time she does that I can tell that I've gotten under her skin. "You'll still act like you don't know me and I'm just some weird girl who thinks the world of you, I know what you say to those girls you have over, the walls aren't that thick." My insides ache from all of the screaming and crying of the past couple of days "And I know that I hurt you and I've told you a million times over that I'm sorry, you don't get to start having empathy for me now."

Ellie's silent again, she can't seem to find the words, so instead she slips under the covers of her bed, giving up. Minutes pass us, we've slept in this room together a thousand times but this time it's different, we don't share her queen bed and stay up all night watching the walking dead and talking shit about people at our school, we lay in the uncomfortable silence. We're grown but in this moment I still feel like a child searching for her mother's hand to guide her, I feel like my teeth still need to fall out so brighter, stronger ones can take their place, that the baby fat has yet to shed from my bones.

"I didn't know that you liked girls," Ellie said, breaking the silence "And I shouldn't have assumed that stuff about your parents." I don't respond to her, though she knows that I heard her. "I lied that night when you moved in."

"What?"

"I got all bitchy and said that you don't even cross my mind, I was lying," She's confessing to me as if I'm a priest "There wasn't a day that went by where I didn't think about you."

I'm not doing well.

I want nothing more than to crawl into bed next to Ellie and just hug her until I fall asleep but the resentment I've garnered for her these past months refrains me.

"I don't know if you ever knew this, but back in high school I had a bit of a crush on you," She says and my break hitches in my throat "Hey, you there?"

'I don't know if you ever knew this but I turned myself inside out trying not to be in love with you.' I don't say that, instead, I say "Goodnight, Ellie, Merry Christmas."

"Goodnight," She mutters, and like me, she turns her body to face away from me.

I don't feel mature in the slightest, I'm kept awake, haunted by shame and embarrassment. Ellie had seen me only one night prior, on my knees begging for love. We may be cold and calculated to one another now but I remember when she was a little girl who overwatered her plants because she didn't know how to stop giving.

TAG LIST I just tagged whoever wanted a part two: @elliesaesp @yalaysbee @laundrybag29 @readbydayana @elliesaturnsoftdrink @mikellie @melanie-watermelon @skylerwhitwyo

[ourautumn86]

new blood

ellie williams x fem! reader

enemies to lovers!

part 2!

summary; you had finally found joel, the man that had taken away your father. surprises show on the faces of his allies when you join them, instead of hunt them down for revenge, ‘cause you were already a prey under the eyes of your sister; abby. but there’s one of them that seems to take a special interest in you: ellie williams.

cw for this chapter; blood, weapons, chains, hostages, fighting, broken bones, threatening, mentions of abuse and imagery (abusive parent), drug usage (weed)…

REMINDER: english is not my mother language so i apologize if there are some mistakes <3 !¡ either ways, i hope y’all like it. <3

REPOSTS AND COMMENTS ARE VERY MUCH APPRECIATED!<3

Please, under no circumstances, repost my work on any other sites. I do not consent to anyone taking my work and posting it as their own.

-

Another day begun, and just like the last… you didn’t know how many days you’d been her, chained to this wall, but what you knew is that they all started the same way.

One, Two, Three Clicks, a knock and the door was opening.

Bright green eyes found yours, and as always, you ignored her, just like you ignored those who accompanied her. Every and each day they did the same. Came for questions that you wouldn’t answer. Came for something that you wouldn’t give them. How much would they keep you here? Would they get rid of you eventually? Would you rot here?

You kicked the still full trolley that they had left for you the night before towards the girl that stood at the front of the group. She looked rough, with freckles decorating her cheeks and a scar his right eyebrow. Her hair was up in a half messy bun, and there was a gun hidden underneath her green combat coat. It was cold. You could see it in the way her fingernails were turning just the slightest purplish.

The food spilled, and the water wetted her boots, but you didn’t care, she didn’t either. It had been days since you’d eaten. But you were clever. Who told you they wouldn’t drug you? Humans were scary, the real monsters in a world filled with them.

She simply approached you, boots heavy, a thud accompanying her walk as she threw something towards you as well; your backpack. You were quick to grab it, ripping it open and taking out your dagger under the vigilance of the whole group. She never stopped getting closer and closer —even if you were pointing at her with a weapon that you were more than ready to use—, until she had crouched down in front of you, bits of her hair cupping her cheeks.

“You’re not scared.” you muttered and the auburn haired simply shrugged. “Then unlock me.” you ordered and she smirked.

“How about a ‘thank you first’? If you can’t recall, I’m the one who told them to not shoot you.”

“Why would I fucking thank you? I’m chained to a fucking wall!” you hissed and she arched her eyebrows. Your grip tightened around the switch blade.

“If you kill me they’ll kill you.” she said, and nodded towards those who stared at you through the other side of the room.

“I’d like to see them try.” you smiled.

Two men and three women counting with this fucking asshole talking to you.

That’d be easy.

“What do you say? Want me to give you a matching scar on your other eyebrow? Maybe one across your neck would look good.” the girl simply stared at you, not even startled by your threat. Her green eyes never left yours, not even when she got up and gave you her back to get to the door. “Fucking let me out!”

But the door was closing, and you were left alone once again, completely trapped.

“Fuck!” you smashed the glass of water that stood on your new food trolley —the one that she had brought you for the morning— against the door, smashing it to pieces.

And that’s when it hit you. That’s right. You just needed to break.

-

“Okay! Let’s try this again.”

You were laying on your side when you heard her, the door opening with a creek along with the wood floorboards underneath the weight of those who had entered the room. You were giving them your back, trying to stay as still as possible, nor even breathing.

You didn’t answer, didn’t even turn. You were getting out of here.

Your lip was bleeding due to your teeth digging so harshly on its flesh, pain shooting through your veins.

Breathe.

The silence that came after that was terrifying, even more the sound of their guns cocking.

Breathe.

Something was wrong. You knew they knew. But they didn’t knew what exactly. So you had an advantage. You just needed to move your pawns the way you needed to and you’d be able to scape.

Steps became closer, and your breath almost hitched. Just a little bit more…

“Hey.”

You moved so fast it was almost impossible to follow, your body suddenly rising and swinging the chain that had had you captive for days. You dodged the bullet that her gun sent towards you and tugged from it when the chain had surrounded her wrist, sending her weapon far away from her reach.

You smiled as you pressed your switch blade against her neck once you’d managed to press her back against your chest, her hair was ticking your skin, and guns were pointing directly to your head.

“Huh-uh…” you chuckled, raising your eyebrows to the group that now threatened you. But you had now the upper hand. “I wouldn’t shoot if I were you. Wouldn’t want her to become my shield, right?”

The red head stood completely still, her green eyes on the oldest man of her companions. Bingo.

“Oh don’t look at me like that, old man. I swear I’m a good girl.” you pouted, still pressing the blade harder against the unknown girl’s neck.

“Ellie-“ he tried and come closer, but Ellie rose one of her hands, stopping him.

Ellie, Ellie, Ellie, Ellie, Ellie….

“Clever girl.” you muttered against her neck, and she hissed.

“You broke the chain?” she inquired and you chuckled.

“Not exactly.”

That when they all noticed. The hand that was holding the blade… It was broken, all bruised and bloody, shaking in pain but still ready to kill if the occasion called for it.

“You broke your hand?” the old man that had tried and step closer to help Ellie inquired, his eyes seeming shocked, even impressed by how far would you go to survive.

“Great, so the pops still has great sight.” you rolled your eyes, and he glared at you, his grip tightening around the gun. “You see… It was great. This whole cheap free hotel, nice food, comfortable floor to sleep…But I was getting pretty fucking tired of being your dog.” you shrugged. “So if you let me go… I promise not to bite.” you smiled, the threat on your eyes sending shivers down the spine of anyone that could ever lay eyes on you.

“You see… That was great.” Ellie suddenly said, and your hand shook against her neck. “The whole I’m so fucking crazy I’m gonna fuck up my hand and scape. But your plan is fucking stupid.” you frowned, but soon enough you were groaning when she suddenly grabbed your fucking hand and simply squeezed it, pain shooting down your spine.

In just a matter of seconds she had you pinned to the ground, your switch blade meters away scattered on the floor.

“You fucking bitch!” you seethed, trying to scape her hold, but she simply squeezed harder, digging her fingertips on your bruised and swollen skin.

“Oh, but I though the dog here was you, aren’t you?” your chest rose at her words, and before she could look away, you had spat on her face.

“Let me go.” you repeated, even if you knew you now were the one in trouble.

“Not until you tell me how you found us.” she answered, and you simply quieted down. “Answer me.” you cried out in pain when she twisted your wrist. The pain was making you see red.

“Ellie…”

“Shut it Dina.” she hissed, and you almost swore you could die when she banged your hand against the floor, making your head spin. “Answer me!”

“Joel!” you whimpered, breathy, sweat decorating your skin. “I came…, for Joel.” you muttered and the whole room fell silent. “And from that silence… I’m guessing it’s one of you, isn’t it? You two have aged since the last time I saw you… But I’d never be able to forget those names…” you smiled, and you saw her whole body stiffen up. “Even if it was years ago that he killed an entire hospital full of people just to save you, isn’t that right… Ellie?” her jaw tightened.

“Who are you?” the old man stepped closer, and you stared at him.

“Just the daughter of the surgeon that was supposed to cut her open.” you shrugged, and you shook when his finger pressed just the slightest against the trigger. “Woah, calm down pops. I’m not here to kill you, just to warn you that they’re coming after you.”

“Who? Who is coming after him?” Ellie inquired and your eyes were back on hers.

“Abby. My dear sister.” you scoffed, and moaned in pain when she tugged on your broken hand. “Fuck.”

“And why would you help us?” Joel spat, a visible frown on his face.

“Because you helped me first by killing that son of a bitch.” you answered. “And because she wants me dead too.”

-

You hissed and the woman simply sighed, finishing up with the bandaging of your broken hand.

“This… I don’t even have words for this. So you’re telling me that this group lead by… Abby, is coming after Joel to take revenge on him?” a man with brown long slicked hair sighed.

“How many are them?”

“About twenty.” you bit down on your lip when the curly haired tightened the bandages so your hand would be immobilized.

“Weapons?” Joel inquired, right beside the man who had just asked you. They looked similar. Maybe brothers.

“Guns, knives… Pretty much the same stuff you guys have.” you shrugged.

You could feel that pair of green emerald eyes burying into your skull from across the room, but you’ve decided just to ignore it and live peacefully with yourself.

“I still don’t understand it. Why would you make it all the way here to warn us?”

“I already told your, pops. Shit, you really need to check your hearing.” you rolled your eyes. “I’m just thanking you for killing my father that’s it.” you thanked the woman who you recall had been called Maria before when she had finished up with your hand.

“You’re… Thanking me.” you nodded. “For killing your father.” you nodded again and Joel blinked in confusion. “Why?”

“Why what?” you asked.

“Why are you thanking me for killing him? Shouldn’t you be siding up with your sister and coming after me?” you looked at him and then away, falling silent.

You got up from your seat and took your bag. They all watched you put your coat back on and push your gun on the back of your pants.

“Does it really matter? Just take the fucking help and try not to die.” you spat. It was obvious the venom and bitterness on your voice. “I’m done here. I’m leaving, probably to the other side of this fucking country to live in a farm or some shit until the day I peacefully die.” you pulled up the zipper of your coat. “I would say it was nice meeting you. But you treated me like pure shit, so I’d be lying.” you said before making your way towards the door.

“Wait.” Joel’s brother, now known as Tommy, interrupted your leave. “Why don’t you stay? At least for a couple of days, you’re safe here and they would find you. Once we take care of them, you won’t need to hide anymore and leave. At least let us thank you for helping us.” you stated at him, then at the rest.

“I don’t take charity.” you said. “I’ll leave now.”

“You really wanna go?” that was the first time you’ve heard her talk in hours. You could help but look at her, at her auburn hair, freckles and green eyes. “Since you’ve been in the same room for days, you might have not noticed the fact that we’re in the middle of a fucking storm.” and as if the world was trying to make a point, a loud bolt of lightning came crashing down the sky. How the hell hadn’t you heard those before? “And it will get much worse.”

You took a deep breath. Fucking hell.

After a few moments in silence you talked, sighing.

“Fine. But once it’s gone I am too. I’m not fucking staying for tea parties.” you spat.

And just like that, your cage had expanded from a room to the whole town.

-

Your hand hurt like hell. And you were fucking exhausted. But you couldn’t sleep. Wouldn’t sleep as long as she’d be there.

“Are your ever gonna put that thing down?” her green eyes met the switchblade on your hand.

You were back at her house, where Maria had placed you from the time being until she could find a clean and fixed place for you to stay.

“I think we both know the answer to that.” you answered, squinting your eyes, to what she rolled hers.

“Whatever. I’m gonna smoke. You enjoy your little psychotic breakdown.”

You watched as she made her way towards her side bed table and took a metal little box out of it before coming back to the salon, where the two of you had been sitting.

“Weed? Seriously?” you inquired, eyebrows rising when the smell hit your nose once she had opened the lid.

“I’d better be high if I’ll be sharing my house with you. It’s survival instinct.” she shrugged and you scoffed.

“Bitch.”

“That’s all? Damn, you really know where to hurt don’t you?” the sarcasm was palpable on her voice, and you rolled your eyes.

“Whatever.”

You two fell silent, and you simply stared at her roll the blunt with her slim yet long fingers, lick the paper to seal it and burn it just the slightest so it would have more firmness.

She took a big inhale once it was lit up.

You shrugged your jacket off, uncovering your shoulders and arms, more comfortable now on only your white tank top.

Ellie’s eyes landed on the exposed skin, the emerald shifting once she had took in the multiple scars that decorated them, along with your shoulders and back.

“Pretty aren’t they?” you sarcastically scoffed, and that’s when she noticed that she had been staring for far too long.

“Clickers?” she inquired, taking another drag of her blunt.

“My father.”

Her face fell, her breath hitched as you looked away.

“Let’s say I wasn’t his favorite.” you shrugged. “And that he was a fucking alcoholic with a lot of bad days.”

Ellie looked at you, silently, listening. She felt sorry for you. She never got to have a father, nor a biological one at least, but just to think about how your own blood could have done something as brutal as that to you…

“So now you might understand why I came here. How grateful I am to Joel for having ripped him out of my life. He saved me.” you muttered, still not looking at her.

Long minutes passed by in complete silence.

You two didn’t interact until she slowly but softly offered you her blunt. You rose your eyebrows before accepting it, taking a drag of it and slightly coughing.

“This shit’s strong.” you bitterly said, but still took another long and deep drag, already feeling slightly lightheaded.

“Why thank you. Appreciate it.” she smirked and your mouth slightly fell. “Best in Jackson.” you laughed at her confidence, your laughter filling and warming the room.

You offered it back to her, and as the time passed you two shared it in a deep silence.

Soon enough it went out, and Ellie got up, eyes tired and body heavy.

“Gonna go to my room. There’s more blankets on that basket in case you need ‘em.” you nodded. “Night.”

“Night.”

And with that you laid on the sofa, eyes unable to close. But it was okay. You couldn’t truly remember the last time your mind had been quiet enough to sleep. Ellie stood up all night as well. And the silence in between the two of you couldn’t be any more loud.

-

a/n; this has been sitting on my drafts for far too long. part two? 👀

ellie williams masterlist! <3

xxx

[l44serbeam]

— PASS TIME ࣪𖤐 𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐦𝐬 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

warnings — swearing, insecurity, anxiety, blood, guns, smut, heavy make out, fingering (r!recieving), nipple play, softdom!ellie, hair pulling, hickeys, degradation (y/n calls ellie pathetic in a joking way)

Stuck in a abandoned pharmacy closet during a storm while on a patrol, Ellie seems to have some interesting ideas on what to do while you wait it out. these ideas lead you to believe that maybe she doesn’t hate you as much as you thought she did.

not proofread

There was one thing y/n had in agreement with Ellie Williams and that was that the two of them did not get along.

Whether it was being paired together on patrol and disagreeing on working methods or bickering over meals, the two just couldn’t seem to live in harmony.

It wasn’t because they were polar opposites or anything. On the contrary, the two were quite alike. Both carried an aura of intimidation and were known to be very good fighters. In reality, they had no real reason to have this dispute.

So when Maria partnered the two up for a two day long run to an abandoned town many miles out, not even an hour went by before they were both banging at her door.

“Its for the best. You two are my strongest forces and it’s a far place…” Maria began, looking away from them as she folded the blankets on her couch. “We’re running low on medical supplies and i don’t have enough people to spare to send a whole team. Plus, it’ll do you guys good to be out there with one another. Get to know each other maybe. End what ever stupid rivalry y’all seem to have going on.”

The two groaned and protested but Maria made it clear her pairing was final, no questions to be asked about it anymore.

“This isn’t some simple patrol y/n. No fucking around. Follow my lead, we don’t separate, and we don’t detour.” Ellie instructs sharply as the two rode down the forest, freshly leaving Jackson and preparing for the mission ahead.

“You talk to me like im not the one who was literally raised out here. If anything you should be following my lead.” y/n responded.

Ellie rolled her eyes and scoffed. “That doesn’t make you better. Just means more people were around to save your ass.”

“Then why am I here?”

“To make my life miserable apparently.”

Y/n sighed as her tongue poked the inside of her cheek. She seemed to almost be trying to contain herself, a desperate look of wanted to punch the girl on the horse next to her lingered on her face.

“Literally the only reason im on this run with you Ellie is because i am just as capable as you. So please, shut the fuck up and leave me be.” She retorted sourly, looking the opposite way from Ellie and into the trees. She didn’t want to deal with this now. The hollow, harmful words that they threw at each other.

Ellie turned her head the slightest, catching a glimpse pf her, almost slightly stunned at her response.

The two always argued, that was known, but it was never like that. The harshness and seriousness of her last words surprised Ellie, not being the usual sassy clap back she gave that Ellie could actually respond to. This time, y/n looked distant and out of it but Ellie decided to respect her wishes, looking back ahead and letting silence remain between the two.

The people that surrounded them always tried to recall why the two fueded, but no one ever could. It seemed like from the very first time they interacted, they just didn’t like each other. But, their “first” interaction according to those people wasnt truly their first interaction.

Y/n was brought into Jackson three years ago, scared and alone. Covered in blood and looking with eyes that seemed to shoot daggers at everyone. A team of people had come across her, running from three runners in a torn down office building. Once settled, she had been given a house next to Joels, being one of the smaller ones considering she was just one person.

For the first few days, y/n didn’t leave her house, taking advantage of the fact she hadn’t been assigned with a job yet and avoiding interaction with the public. The majority of the town still hadn’t even seen her since she first came in, rumors beginning to spread about who she was. Some said she had a face covered in scared skin, others said she was tiny and frail but her hands were stained a deep red with blood.

Ellie being the way she was, desperately wanted to know who she really was. She wanted to see this girl and figure out whether the monstrosities people whispered about her.

Y/n was awoken one morning by three heavy knocks on her door. She seriously considered ignoring them, groaning into her pillow as she stood up.

Could be important. She told herself. When she swung the door open, the girl that stood before her was unfamiliar. Unlike most people, she looked closer to her own age, being 17 at the time. The wide smile on her face faltered and her eyes widened when her eyes met with y/ns. Her hands flew up to the hairs sticking out of her bun and tried to smooth them back as much as possible.

“Um… Hello?” Y/n quipped, breaking the girl from whatever trance she was stuck in, her cheeks reddening and eyes rushing the the ground.

“Oh- Uh- Hi! Im Ellie. Your neighbor.” She began, pointing at her own home in the distance. Y/n nodded and gave her an acknowledging smirk.

“Im y/n,” She introduced, leaning against the door with her hand still on the handle. “Is there anything i can help you with?” She asked when Ellie returned to silence again.

“N-No not eaxctly. In all honesty i came by out of curiosity. Wanted to see if you were really like some murderous crazy person.” She laughed slightly, a strange pitting feeling in her stomach.

Y/ns eyebrows knitted together and her demeanor changed as she shifted on her legs.

“Why? Because im from the outside? So seems like since Im not from some fuck ass FEDRA base or some community im automatically a wild animal that kills people for fun?” She begins, clearly offended by Ellies comment.

Ellies eyes opened worriedly. “No no no. I didn’t mean it like that! I just meant that thats what people have been sort of saying about you since no ones really seen you. Kinda cant blame them-”

“For titling me as some savage just because I was born outside their little bubble?”

“Im just saying you haven’t really given them much to work on. And its not like your the sweetest either.” She said, mumbling the last bit.

Y/n scoffed, stepping back into the house but leaving the door open, her hand still on the door knob. “You come to my house, call me a murderous crazy person, then try to justify it?”

“I wasn’t calling you that. I- I just meant i get why youve stayed home but you really havent gone out and last time people saw you was when you first came in and-“ Ellie hissed and raised her eyebrows, suggesting severity, “that wasn’t exactly the kindest sight.” She finished rambling, realizing it didn’t help in the slightest when her eyes fell on y/n.

“Ok you know what, fuck you.” y/n said, slamming the door shut and leaving Ellie wide eyed and red.

How could i have fucked that up so badly. Ellie asked herself frozen in guilt and embarrassment.

After that, Ellie couldn’t bare being around her and not feeling that turmoiling feeling in her gut. She automatically counteracted it with harsh comments and rudeness. Even when a few days later, y/n attempted to apologize, Ellie dismissing her with a rude comment and sparking another fight that solidified their dislike.

But after a year or two and one drunken evening where their bickering turned into borderline foreplay, the dynamic changed. The majority of times, their stabs at each other seemed to be laced with an igniting feeling and fiery looks at each other. People close to them had seemed to start noticing this shift, whether it was the devilish smirks on Ellies face or the way y/n seemed to gravitate closer and closer to her.

So now, when y/n had barely even looked Ellie in the eye and dryly responded to every comment thrown at her by the girl as the walked down the foreign towns roads, the map in Ellies hand and a knife in y/ns, Ellie couldnt help but feel a growing sense of concern.

Did someone do something to her? She wondered, anger stacking up at this imaginary person just at the thought of it

“The pharmacy should be up ahead. Joel gave me a side note to check back room closest and storage rooms. Most should be locked so they’ll probably have shit inside.” Ellie began, scanning her surroundings.

“If the rooms are locked how are we getting in?” Y/n asked.

“Lucky for us, i have a lock pick and 6 hours worth of learning from Tommy.” She says with a smirk. Y/n simply nods and keeps walking with precaution.

“Whats up with you?” Ellie finally voices, her tome coming out harsher than she’d meant it to.

“Nothing. I thought we weren’t fucking around so thats what im doing. Not fucking around.” She shot back. Ellie sighed and rolled her eyes.

“God you’re dramatic.” She mumbled under her breath.

Y/n scoffed a sarcastic laugh, suggesting her comment to be absurd, but she didn’t respond.

Suddenly, thunder boomed from the gray clouds above, the scent of rain invading their senses with the gust of wind that hit them.

“Shit.” Ellie hissed beneath her breath. “We should get to the pharmacy soon. Seems like it gonna be a bad one.” She finished, referencing to the harsh wind that rocked the trees and over grown vines around them, the sky darkening above them.

“We should pick up the pace.” Y/n suggested as she began jogging and Ellie trailed behind her.

As the two felt patters of rain fall on their shoulders, the jog became a run as the wind picked up.

“There!” Ellie yelled, pointing ahead of them to their left. As the two approached, they saw the busted out windows, the glass covering the ground around it.

They jumped through the glassless windows and unto the store. The two breathed heavily when they reached somewhat safety.

The pharmacy looked completely ran through, shelves thrown all over the ground and trash everywhere.

“He was right! Come back here Ellie.” Y/n yelled against the sound of the wind whistling. By this point, the weather had reached full storm level and the strength of the wind tunneled throughout the exposed pharmacy.

With the aggressive push of the wind on Ellies back, she ran to y/n.

“Fuck i don’t know how well i can do this while a fucking tornado is going on.” She yelled at y/n as she crouched before the door knob.

“Ill block you.” Y/n said as she stood behind Ellie, bringing her arms to lean on the door on each side of Ellie above her, y/n head near Ellies neck and the gusts of wind pushing y/ns front into Ellies back. How the fuck is this supposed to help me focus.

Ellie inserted the lock pick into the slot and began twisting and turning it, different clicks falling into place and the knob rattling.

Y/n couldn’t lie, but her apathetic mood almost slipped with Ellies proximity. As Ellies arms moved to undo the lock, her back muscles flexed against y/ns chest, the wind blowing her into Ellies neck, the scent of pinewood soap and the metallic sent of blood from the infected they’d taken down earlier.

“I got it!” Ellie beamed, shooting up to pull the door. The resistance of the wind made it particularly difficult to open, y/n grabbing onto the door through the little crack Ellie opened and helped her.

When it opened just enough, the two rushed in as Ellie gripped the door, letting it slam closed when they were in. The room was pitch black, the two utterly unaware of their surroundings.

Ellie fiddled with the knob and tried to open the door, her theory being proved when the door didn’t budge at her push.

“Guess were camping in here tonight.” She said as y/n clicked on the flash light. The two looked around and saw quite a few things they could bring back. Bulk packages of ibuprofen and other medications.

“Fuck yeah.” Ellie said, inspecting the items and making sure they weren’t broken open or contaminated.

y/n set down her bag and removed her sleeping bag from it, laying it on the ground.

“Think the horses will be ok?” Ellie asked, attempting to start conversation.

“Yeah they should be. I tied down the garage door pretty well.” She responded, grabbing amo and supplies out of the bag to clean and reload her gun.

Ellie sat down on the ground in the small spot that wasn’t covered by y/ns sleeping bag, her lip in between her teeth and eyes nervous, like she was resisting saying something.

Y/ns eyes flickered up from the gun to Ellies face. “What?” She asked.

“Why are you acting weird?” Ellie finally asked. “You’ve been super fucking offputish and like not talking.”

Y/n sighed and shook her head in almost disbelief. “I haven’t been acting weird Ellie. Were on a mission and im focusing on it like you said.” She repeated, making Ellie bite her cheek at the rising feeling of guilt . “And why do you even fucking care. You dont want me to be here and i dont want to be here. We dont have to pretend.”

“What do you mean i dont want you to be here?” Ellie asked accusatively.

“You’ve made it pretty obvious Ellie! Like for the past three years maybe!” Y/n said, putting down the gun and investing herself into the interaction.

“Why would you say that? I never said i dont want you here. Never.” Ellie retorted, putting a punctuating finger in the air.

“You practically do every day! You pick apart everything i do and make sure to insult me on it. I mean Jesus i cant breath around you without you telling me im doing something wrong!” Y/n began yelling, rising to her feet and towering above Ellie, her eyes going up all of y/ns body as they fell on her face.

Fuck. y/n thought. Her eyes. Her big, round, bright eyes looked up at her, her eyebrows knitted together and tongue cupping her teeth.

“You say that like you don’t do the same thing y/n! Dont act like im just some bully, this situation goes both ways!” She said, also coming up to her feet to match y/n.

“I do it because im not gonna let you just insult me and act like nothing happened! Im not going to let that slide Ellie so of course i argue back but thats because you start it!” Y/n said, punctuating her ‘you’ by aggressively poking Ellies chest, her wrist immediately being caught by the girls strong hand.

They’re eyes met one another, anger coating them. But, beneath, there was something else. Something almost animalistic.

“Stop fucking yelling at me.” Ellie said, her words bitter but tone almost pleading.

The closeness between the two finally seemed to settle in their minds. Y/n’s wrist still in Ellies hand, their fronts pressed together. Y/n could feel Ellies warm breath against her skin, igniting goosebumps all along her spine.

There was no way Ellie didn’t feel it too, she thought. There was no way that Ellie would let herself be in this position if she wasn’t feeling the same carnal compulsion as her. She wouldn’t be looking at her with the eyes she was.

“Make me.” y/n said, her actions turning to become beyond her own control.

A devilish smirk painted Ellies lips for mere seconds before she slammed herself into y/ns lips, the force so strong y/n back hit the wall behind her.

Their bodies flowed together violently, pushing each others hips back and forth against one another. The kiss was fueled with regressed anger and burning passion, tongues not waiting a second to collide.

Y/ns hands found themselves to grab onto the girls hair, nails scratching at her scalp as she hissed into y/ns mouth.

“You’re a bitch, you know that?” Ellie groaned into her mouth.

“You’re telling me?” Y/n responded, Ellies taking advantage and letting her lips trail down y/ns neck, latching onto her pulse point the second she felt ut and biting down, a breath of air harshly leaving y/ns lips as she felt Ellies thigh press against the place she wanted her most.

The lack of friction from layers of clothing made y/n whine as she tried to find some kind of it, grinding against Ellies leg as she made an attack on y/ns neck, leaving red marks in her trail that were sure to become purple within a few hours.

“Desperate aren’t ya?” Ellie litted.

“Fuck you.”

Ellie laughed, her teeth pressed cold against y/ns jaw. “Isn’t that what you’re trying to do?”

y/n rolled her eyes and pulled Ellies head back into a heated kiss, one Ellie cheekily smiled into. Her warm hands found themselves under y/ns shirt going up, dragging up y/ns shirt with it.

“This ok?” Ellie asked, y/ns frantic nods being her signal to fully separate and remove the shirt over y/ns head.

She looked down at y/n in awe, her tongue peaking out from between her lips and her cheeks reddening. “Fuck. i’ve been wanting this for so long.”

“Oh really?” Y/n responded as she brought her arma up to rest of Ellies shoulder, her own hands on y/ns hips, holding the two of their pelvises pressed together.

“Yeah, really. From the time you opened your door front door and yelled at me.” Y/n laughed at that.

“God you’re so pathetic.” She laughed as Ellies arms wrapped around her upper body and unclipped y/ns bra, slowly pulling the straps down her arms.

“Watch yourself. Just cause im gonna fuck you does it mean im gonna be nice.” Ellie said into her ear, shots of electricity flying down y/ns back.

Before y/n could say anything in return, her head flew back against the wall as she felt Ellies lips wrap around her nipple and her hands knead the other. Her tongue worked against it and she rolled her thigh up and down, an extended groan leaving y/ns lips.

She switched positions, paying attention to the other nipple and reciprocating her same movements,

Y/ns hand knotted itself in Ellies auburn hair as her lips seared her chest.

Ellies lips kissed up her breast, her neck and her jaw and fell into y/ns mouth, her hand crawling down and being met with the barrier of y/ns jeans.

“Can i get these off of you baby?” She asked into y/n’s mouth, her words rushed and desperate.

Y/ns hands came to the button of her pants and undid them, lowering them slightly and undoing the zipper. Ellies didn’t wait a second before dipping into the pants, the pads of her fingers pressing into y/n’s aching clit.

Y/n let out a lengthy moan as Ellie drew tight circles, her slick pooling in her panties. She mewled desperately, her hips grinding against Ellies hand.

“Shit- Please Ellie. More.” Y/n groaned, her head falling into the crook between Ellies shoulder and neck.

Ellie smiled smugly, pressing kisses into her exposed shoulders as she pushed aside y/ns underwear. “Whatever you want, pretty.” Ellie said, her middle finger running through her wetness, separating her folds and making a mess of her.

Ellie cursed under her breath at the feeling of y/n clenching around nothing, practically begging for her fingers.

Appeasing her wishes, Ellie sunk two fingers into her slowly, hooking her fingers to bottom out into the sweet spot that caused y/n to moan out into Ellies neck.

Gently, Ellie pulled put her fingers and pushed them back in, her palm hitting y/ns clit in the movement. She Ellie repeated her movements over and over, her free hand coming down from y/n’s waist and to the back of one of her thighs, lifting it from the ground and up to Ellies waist, giving her better access to hit y/n as deep as possible.

Y/n’s moans and pants made the hairs on Ellies neck stand. She couldn’t believe this. She thought shed utterly blown her chances from the second y/n first raised her voice at her, standing on her porch. Now, she was knuckle deep in her and cradling her body against the wall.

“Fuck Ellie don’t stop. Im close-” Y/n groaned.

Impossibly, Ellies fingers started to slam into her faster, the vibrations shooting straight to y/n’s clit and the tips of her finger repeatedly plunged against the spot that made y/n moan out in pleasure. “I wasn’t planning on it.”

Y/n legs began to shake, Ellie keeping her pressed against the wall and holding her up with her leg and hand. Ellie could feel y/n’s insides spasming around her fingers, her orgasm close and brimming.

“C’mon baby. I know you’re there.” She mumbled into her ear.

Y/n’s eyes squeezed tightly and her mouth flew open silently, her hand flying to Ellies wrist as a way of stabilization as her orgasm flushed over her like a tsunami. Wetness rolled down Ellies fingers, Y/n’s pants and underwear made a complete mess.

Once y/n’s breathing settled, Ellie removed her fingers from her and brought them to her own lips.

“Fuck. You taste good.” She whispered, kissing up her neck and into her lips.

She settles y/n’s leg down but still held onto her waist, her knees bucking the second she put weight on them, making them both laugh.

“I should change into the other pants.” y/n quipped, separating from the kiss.

“Yeah you should..” Ellie said almost dismissively as she pulled y/n down to lay on the sleeping bag, flipping over and placing herself on top.

“Whenever im done with you i mean.”

a/n: heyy babes! my bad i said i was gna post this last night but i got a little too high and fell asleep at like 5pm and forgot to post it 😭😭 also i got carried away with added backstory and setting so i hope you enjoy my beauts. Also wanted to giv a big thank u for the positive feed back on Tired of You!! part two is gna be out on sunday for any of you guys reading this that are waiting for that too!!