#William miller comfort

[romanarose]

For the Longest Time: Chapter 10

William Miller x Fem!OC (Lorelei Giang)

Masterlist : Triple Frontier Masterlist :Playlist

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Summary: It's the Garcia-Dumas wedding, and Lorelei solidifies her place in the family.

Warnings: DV, mentions of baby trapping, lots of pregnancy talk. Pretty fluffy chapter tbh.

A/N: THE FINALLLEEEEE

************

Will had left a few hours ago to help set up for the wedding. Lorelei was going to, but after another late night at the hospital, Will 'politely suggested’ she sleep in, saying that they had it. It wasn’t an elaborate set up, some twinkly lights and some anti mosquito candles for the night time, some decorations here and there, tables etc. Lorelei just needed to be there to do Laci and Jana’s hair and make-up.

It was a beautiful day out, partly cloudy but still sunshine, light breeze. Everything aligned for Laci’s big day, and thank god for it. She deserved a good day for fucking once. Hell, so did Santi. 

As Lore munched on a PBJ, strawberry jam because she hated grape, she got a phone call. When she looked at her phone, Ben’s smiley face was lighting up her screen. How different he looked from now…

“Ben…” She answered the phone stern. “You cannot cancel on her this time, you just can’t” Lorelei was sure he was calling her to say he wasn’t coming, and she would do everything she could to prevent that. He needed to be there; she was worried if Ben didn’t show, Laci would cancel the whole day. Poor girl would be heartbroken again. Lorelei would run her ass to David’s bridal and get some off the rack dress right now and be a bridesmaid if she needed to. Laci was getting married today, and she was having a good fucking day.

“No, Lorelei…” She heard him sigh. “I need help. I have… i have a black eye”

Fuck. God fucking dammit. She was going to kill Alice for hurting her brother like this… but right now, wedding. “Ben, honey-”

“Can you cover it up?”

“Come over. I got you.”

It wasn’t too ugly right now, but Ben and her would have to touch it up over the course of the day. She combined the liquid foundation she had for Laci’s skin with a little bit of her own, making something to match Ben’s light tan.

Her heart broke every time she saw him wince, fighting tears in her own eyes.

*

Ben was late, but he showed. That’s what he needed. Will, Ben, Santi and Frank all got together in the spare bedroom that they used for the foster kids. The addition that Santi had built wasn’t quite done yet but was being used for storage of the food and drinks and for everyone's purses and coats. The daytime would be hot but as night came, jackets would be needed. Laci made sure there were lots of blankets for everyone, but there was plenty of room inside. 

The wedding was small, Santi and Laci having no family left. Santi invited a few army friends, and Tom’s family although they never replied to the invite. Laci invited a few coworkers. Gideon, Ben and Will’s grandpa Laci had connected with would be coming as would Will’s come, Jenna. The friends they made in New York flew to Florida, and although most of Jana’s family couldn’t make it, they had been invited for their hospitality to Santi and even Laci. Jana’s brother, Jacob would be there and Laci and Ben’s hair stylist, Bre would be there too. 

“Santi?” Jana’s voice interrupted the men’s talking, mostly dressed but still a few buttons and ties needing to be done.

Before Santi could open his mouth, Frankie stood up, shouting  “god DAMN, Mama! Look at you!”

Jana was fucking glowing. Pregnancy always had looked good on her. Will would never sexualize her, but she was an objectively beautiful woman and when she was pregnant, she was happy, sober, and stunning to look at. Jana smiled, kissing Frankie with her glossy lips and patting his cheeks before turning to Santi with a slightly more serious tone. “There’s a small problem.”

“She left me.” Santi deadpanned.

“Oh my god.” Jana smacked her head and Frankie flicked him. “No, you dumbass. I havn’t seen a woman so obsessed with a man since Charles Manson, for christsake. Just, come here.”

*

Jana explained the issue. While doing Laci’s hair, they couldn’t quite get it to quite cover up that scar on her forehead. When Santi found her, her face was covered in blood with a large gash on her forehead that cut deep into her hairline. By the time she was found, there was no need for first aid and the scarring was inevitable. Laci had a lot of insecurity around her small size, her large ears, her thin hair, and now the very noticeable scar on her head. 

“Baby?” Santi called, opening the door but Laci quickly closed it. 

“You can’t see me in my dress!”

“Baby I wanna hold you.”

The door cracked open. “Put your back to the door and hold out your hand?” Her small voice questioned.

“Of course, Lace.” He did as she said and Laci mirrored him. Back to back, they held each other’s hand. “Baby…” he whispered. “I can’t see you, but I know you’re beautiful… you’re always beautiful, in your dresses, in your PJ’s… Miss Lacina, if you walked out here in sweats and a t-shirt I’d still marry the fuck out of you and love every moment.”

Laci, squeezed his hand. Lorelei mutters a ‘goddammit Santi you’re making her cry’ and she dabbed at her eyes with a tissue.

“Good cry or bad cry?” Crying for Laci could mean about anything.

Laci giggled. “Good cry. You don’t mind if you can see the scar?”

“You know the answer.”

“I need to hear it.”

“Munequita… I need you to know when I say this, theres nothing I wouldn’t do to take away all the suffering you went through. But Lace, when I see the scars on your body, and I promise it’s not something I notice a lot, I need you to know when I see the scars, I’m reminded how strong you are. I’m reminded how much you fought to survive and christ, I am so proud of you. Now we’re here, we’re getting married, we’re having a baby… because you had the strength to survive what I never could.”

Lorelei muttered swears again, but when Laci spoke she was smiling. “I’m gonna marry you so hard, Santi.”

*

Lorelei watched in the front row, fanning herself. It was just a little hot, but pretty much a miracle for July in Florida. She was thankful for the cushioned seats, but still found herself uncomfortable. Chloe was due in 3 weeks, and everything fucking sucked. She felt like garbage, only throwing together her outfit and make up after getting Laci and Jana all dolls up themselves. It wasn’t too much at all, thank god. She volunteered to do it when she was in the highlight of pregnancy.

Laci kept her make-up simple, with a brown eyeliner to make her small blue eyes pop and fill in her blonde brows, and a dusting of pink blush. Her eyes were a light pink, with the arches of her brows and her cheeks splattered in sparkle powder. The real challenge was covering up the scar. In the end, Lorelei was able to work her magic she perfected in high school covering a massive acne problem, blending the raised pink tissue into her light hair and skin and brushing some hair over the part in her hairline for a little move coverage. When her dress was on, she looked like a fairy princess. 

Jana had more extensive make-up, Lorelei highlighting her sharp features but not making it too heavy in the humidity, lest it sweat off or cake. The focus was on her eyes. Jana had stunning eyes, sharp, large, and wide-set. The eyeliner was black, thicker than Laci and a sharp wing and gold eyeshadow matching her braids and the bridesmaids dress. They looked absolutely stunning. 

Lorelei was next next to Gideon who was next to Jenna, chatting about the baby and the future plans for the farm. Jenna asked if Chloe was a boy, what the name would be and Lorelei answered Gideon Háo. Jenna mentioned as an aside that ‘Paul would make a good middle name’. Lorelei politely said they’d consider it for future children, but had no intention of naming her child after the man that lacerated her future husband’s back. Gideon side eye’d Lorelei. He did not like his late son-in-law, but Lorelei doubted he knew the extent of what happened on the farm. It occurred to Lorelei that she had talked about having other children with Will. She wasn’t sure Will wanted more, or how many… but she got the feeling there were at least a few more on the way. It also crossed her mind that she thought of Will as her future husband, and that? That she had no doubts about. She was going to marry that man.

Lorelei felt a tap on her shoulder, and turned to see a smiling Ben holding Rosie. It was nice to see him so happy and so… sober. Laci opted for a dry wedding, but people could bring their own drinks if they wanted to, and Frankie convinced Ben to not drink for one day.

“Oh my goodness!” She stood, reaching out to hold the toddler. Rosie was in a flower girl dress, looking adorable. “Come here beautiful!” 

“Are you gonna be in aunt Laci’s wedding?” She asked.

“No sweetie, but I’m here to support your aunt and uncle because I love them very much.” and she did. Even Santi. They had made up quickly, both understanding that they were just protecting their family.

“Actually,” Ben said, nudging Lorelei out of the aisle. “That’s what I’ve been sent to get you for.”

When Lorelei got back into the house where everyone was doing the final touches, Laci dashed over to Lorelei when she came in. She was beautiful in a short, blush dress with white lace, a white bow in her hair. 

“Lorelei! Okay I’m gonna ask you something and you can totally say no because it’s literally the last minute and i know you’re super pregnant right now-”

“Laci” Lorelei stopped, chuckling. “Babe, whatever it is, I’ll do it.”

Laci swallowed, twiddling her thumbs. “Well, you’re like family and now you and Will are together and it just… it doesn’t feel right not having you with me… Will you be a bridesmaid? Please? I promise this isn’t like, I’m throwing you in here because I feel like I have to with you dating Will I just really love you and you do so much for our family and for Ben and-”

Lorelei cut her off with a hug. That was… not what she was expecting, but she had no doubt the girl was sincere. It didn’t feel like an afterthought. It felt like Laci planned a wedding before she met Lorelei and over the course of the spring and summer, they got to know each other and developed a friendship. Of course she said yes.

Santi walked down first, dressed in a simple light blue suit and stood under a banner of flowers. Nothing Else Matters by Metellica played, which made Lorelei giggle. She was certain this was Laci’s idea, wanting to include Santi’s music taste in their wedding. Jana and Frankie walked down together, best man and maid of honor, Jana in her gold dress and Frankie in a black suit with a gold tie and gold handkerchief. Santi greeted both of them with a hug and a kiss before both found their sides, Frankie standing by Santiago as he always had. Will and Lorelei walked down together now, Will oh-so happy to show off his stunning and slightly wobbly pregnant girlfriend on his arm. Santi hugged them, whispering a thank you to Lorelei for being here. Lorelei and Will both stood by Jana. Finally, Ben walked down, handsome as ever in his bowtie. When Santi hugged him, they lingered together longer than the others. Santi was just happy he was here.

When Don Henly and Stevie Nicks’ duet, Leather and Lace began, Lorelei heard Santi mumble a swear and Laci came into view. She looked ethereal. 

Laci had been nervous about her dress choice, since it was a little non-traditional, being pink and short, but judging by Santi’s reaction, it was nothing. As she stepped close, Rosie took her job VERY seriously. One by one, she picked a single petal and placed it directly on the ground, instructing Laci to step on the petal. It seems she took Jana’s instructions to “make a path to guide tio Santi” very literally. Jana covered her face and Frankie was laughing so hard he had to brace himself on Ben. Lacina played along, taking tiny steps on the petals in the ballet flats. Or very big steps. 3-year-olds are not great at distances. 

She looked up to see a crying Santi, and her eyes filled up too. She knew how much he loved watching her with Rosie, and she knew he was thinking the same thing. Soon, they’d have a baby of their own. When Rosie finally finished, Santi told his niece what a good job she did, and Jana took her in her arms. Santi couldn’t wait another second, and although Laci was only a few steps away, he took one long stride and pulled her into his arms, unable to be without her a moment longer.

The vows were quiet, personal. Laci’s small voice could only be heard by the wedding party. This fit her nature. Santi’s were louder, wanting to proclaim his love for her to everyone around. There was not a dry eye in the yard.

When the pair kissed, Santi dipped Laci while everyone cheered, and then to Laci’s surprise, scooped her up and over his shoulder, careful that her pregnant belly did not carry the brunt of her weight.

Santi runs down the aisle, carrying a giggling Laci towards the screen door.

Will called after him. “Pope! Where the hell are you going?!”

Hanging out the scene door, Laci’s skirt rustling around him, he’s grinning brightly. “I’m going to make love to my wife!”

And he was gone.

Exit music was played, Accidentally in Love by Counting Crows, and Frankie scooped up his daughter and took Jana’s hand to run to the house. Not going to let her future brother in law behind, Lorelei took both him and Will’s hand and joined them.

Let the party begin.

*

After Santi and Laci emerged with a blushing Laci, hair of both a little out of place and tousled, they had their first dance to Heroe by Enrique Inglesias. Laci had told Lorelei Santi wanted a song she’d know, and Laci wanted a song that meant something to him and his family. It was decided the spanish version of a popular song by a latin artist would fit both. Laci always called Santi her hero.

Off to the side, watching the couple, Lorelei swayed with arms wrapped around her with her back to his broad chest. “Lore?” Will whispers in her ear.

“Yeah baby?”

“You wanna tell me why my baby brother has make-up around his eye?”

Lorelei sighed, turning around to face you. “Will, I swear I was going to tell you after the wedding.”

He smiled fondly at her, caressing her cheek and thumbing over the apple. “I know, it’s okay. I just wanna know.”

She breathed out, dropping her head to the side and raising a brow in sympathy. “He has a black eye.”

Will closed his eyes, hand tensing on her face. “I figured. Thank you.” He opened them. “I just can’t believe this is happening. I mean, he’s an MMA fighter, he’s 6’3.”

“Will.”

“You could slap Tyler, I don’t understand why he lets her-”

“William.” She cupped his face, looking intently into his baby blues. “It’s not that simple and you know it.” Her tone was gentle but firm. “I know you’re confused, and I know you still have a lot of feelings about your mom staying with your dad. Would you ever ask Laci why she stayed with the men before Santi?”

Will sputtered, blinking. “Wha- no, of course not! But she’s-”

She raised an eyebrow. “A woman?”

“No! Lorelei, it’s because she’s small.”

“Size has less to do with it than you’d think. It’s a mental game, and abusers are really fucking good. From what I can tell, she’s got Ben’s self esteem beat down so bad, she made him think she’s the only one that will love him. He’s lonely, he’s confused, he's scared and Will?” She squeezed his cheeks together until his face looked silly. “He’s embarrassed. Asking for help is admitting defeat, and how you reacted didn’t help. He’s not going to accept our help if we give him the third degree, and if we bring up what’s happening every time we see him, he’s not going to want to see us, so we have to take this slow. We can’t let hi aliantate us more.” She let go, Santi and Laci’s first dance ending and Will taking her to a chair. She couldn’t stand long without pain, even her nursing job was nudging her to desk work.

“I understand.” Will took off her flats, rubbing her swollen feet for her while she leaned back and closed her eyes, taking in the warm sun. Lorelei has a relatively easy pregnancy compared to many but god, her poor feet were aching and swelling like nothing he’d seen before. “Hey Lore, you were saying us and we a lot there”

“Yeah.” She shrugged. “I guess so, why?” She opened an eye to find Will grinning at her.

“Noth’n. Just… you’re in this for the long haul, right?”

Love for him filling her chest, she reveled in how happy he looked at the prospect of them living out the next 50 years of their lives together, together as a family with Chloe Sen, Laci, Santi, Jana, Frankie, Ben, baby Leto and the upcoming Morales baby. NOT Alice, but hopefully someone who loves and respects Ben the way he deserves. 

Gideon and Ben join the couple, a joyful grin on Benny’s face, his eyes bright and clear, obviously not sneaking in any booze to the celebration. “Heya guys!” He clapped Will on the back, sitting pulling out a chair for his grandpa. “What’re we talking about?”

“The farm.” Will lied. “I was thinking about… bringing on some help for the harvest.”

Ben rolled his eyes. “We should just let that place rot.”

Will shot him a look. “No. That place has belonged to a Miller since 1842, before it was even a fucking state. I don’t care who it belongs to but it’s not falling to ruin. You used to love the farm. Can I count on you to help or not?”

Benny huffed and puffed but agreed. Lorelei had already informed the hospital she’d be taking an extended maternity leave though the winter holidays. She’d be giving birth right before harvest, Will would have a few weeks before everything kicked into gear. Lorelei and Will were temporarily moving to the farm. They were blessed with their friends, all willing to help despite their own schedules and upcoming children. Santi and Laci would come out as much as possible, Santi coming over when Laci was at work and both coming on weekends. Laci couldn’t do farm work but she wanted to be able to give Lorelei a break and help with the house. Frankie and Jana wouldn’t have as much freetime given Frankie working and Jana working, starting her final semester of her doctorate and pregnant, but they’d help as much as they could. Jenna Miller had moved out of the farm and in with Gideon to help as he aged, but she’d be there to help with Chloe and Rosie, and any other babies born during this time. Now Ben had committed, although how dependable he was right now was questionable.

There were farm hands and workers that the Millers had know their whole lives that would keep things going, and Will was going to make sure they were paid well for their extra help, but the help Will wanted was someone specific. Someone for Benny. The only person he knew of that could get through to Ben, because god knows it wasn’t him.

He just hoped Cameron was willing to come back.

“Whose that?” Jenna asked, and the group turned to the gate where a young woman entered. She ha long, dark hair and a round face, looking college aged.

“Oh my god… It’s Tess” Ben answered, standing up and making his way over to the lost looking young woman. 

Lore was confused. “Whose that?”

Will stood as well. “That’s Tom’s daughter.”

*

The night was settling down, most people going home after a long evening of fun and dancing. Tess had come, against her moms wishes. The invite said no gifts, instead asking for donations of household items to the women’s shelter Laci worked for, but Tess brought flowers and something in wrapping paper. A copy of a photo her dad had of all 5 of them early as a team. 

When it wound down to just the wedding party, Jacob taking Rosie so Jana and Frankie could stay longer, a bonfire was lit in the new fire pit Santi build on the new deck in addition to adding a new room to the house for the plethora of future children they wanted.

“I’m sorry, how many?!?!??!” Ben laughs.

Laci was beaming, happy to have her Benny back, even for just a night. She sat on Santi’s lap, her pink skirt splayed over his legs like the blanket he placed around her. He was caressing her stomach. “6, ideally, but it’s probably not likely. I turn 31 this month.”

Santi kissed her cheek. “Looks like I gotta keep my baby full at all times to make her dream come true!” Laci giggled into his touch. Lorelei couldn’t help but noticed how much more relaxed everyone was without Alice. She realized now she’d never seen all 6 of them gathered without her. He turns to his best man. “What about you, Fish? Gonna keep having “accidents”, or are you gonna finally admit your pull out game is weak and let Jan Jan give you a baseball team” Laci playfully smacked him.

He looked at Jana. “Hmmmm I don’t know. I wanna say 2 is enough, but she looks so goddamn good pregnant… hmmm” Frankie barked, pretending to chomp the air around her as Jana laughed.

Lorelei turned to Will. “Whadya think, William? We gonna try for a few more?”

The joy on his face was obvious even behind his soft features. “I’m gonna have to make an honest woman out of you, them we can talk about giving Chloe a brother.” A kiss “And a sister” A kiss “And a brother” A kiss “and a sister”

Ben spoke next. “We were thinking of having two, keeping it small.”

Awkward silence filled the yard, unsure what to say about a relationship no one wanted.

“I thought you didn’t want kids?” Santi asked. 

Ben was quick to defend. “Well, I didn’t, but I mean Alice wanted a lot and we thought 2 was a good compromise…” He was fidgeting with his hands before turning to Frankie and Jana. “I do good with Rosie, don’t I?”

Jana smiled warmly. “You do, Benny boo. You’ll be a great dad.”

He smiled. “I got a surprise. Pope, can I borrow your guitar?”

Laci squealed at that. She loved Ben’s singing.

When he went inside to retrieve it, Frankie spoke. “We cannot let her baby trap him. He’ll never leave.” He clutched Jana’s hand.

Everyone turned to Will. 

“Guys, I got a plan just… trust me, okay? We’re gonna get him out of this.”

Laci turned to cling to Santi, straddling him. “I need him back, Will. It’s so much better with him… I want him in our son’s life.”

“Me too.” Frankie agreed. “Rosie asked when she could see uncle Benny again. I don’t this new baby to not know their uncle.”

Laci began tearing up, burying her face in Santi’s shirt. “Rosie was asking for him??? Poor baby!” Never mind Laci was the one crying. 

“Laci” Will stood, walking over to her and tilting her head to look at him. “That’s my brother, I’m not letting him down. You, me, all of us-” He turned to look at the nodding faces in the fire. “We’re going to help him, and he’s going to okay. He’s going to be an uncle to all our kids. I won’t let her take him from us.” Even Santi was tearing up.

Unaware of the conversation, Ben leapt off the deck, guitar in hand. “Okay, I’m changing up the few words so I sound less like a jealous woman, but I heard this song the other day and thought of you.” He turned to the newly married bride. “Well, one it’s called Lacy, but there’s a lot of lines that are just like. BAM! Had me think oh yeah this is Lace, like, ‘ribbons in your hair’? You love ribbons!”

“I do!”

“Anyway, here’s Lacy by Olivia Rodrigo. And then-” He points to Santi. “You’re singing Fare Thee Well”

Ben began strumming, finding the right key. Even though it was meant to be sung in a higher, softer voice, he sounded fantastic, Lorelei thought. She hadn’t heard him sing since his days getting beat up in bar fights and sent to the ER.

“Lacy, oh, Lacy, skin like puff pastry

Aren't you the sweetest thing on this side of hell?

Dear angel Lacy, eyes white as daisies

Did I ever tell you that I'm not doing well?”

Clinging to her husband, Laci rested her head on his chest as he played with her hair. They set off to France tomorrow for their honey moon, one full day in Paris so they could do the stereotypical things like kiss under the eiffel tower like Santi knew she’d love. After that though, they’d go to the countryside.

“Smart sexy Lacy, I'm losing it lately

I feel your compliments like bullets on skin

Dazzling starlet, Bardot reincarnate

Well, aren't you the greatest thing to ever exist?”

Through a lot of research and ancestry dna, Santi had surprised Laci by finding that she did, in fact, have a surviving member of her family, an aunt no one knew about. Apparently her grandfather had an affair and kept it all hush from her father and his family. Still, this was an aunt and Laci was beyond elated to have family. They would be spending plenty of time getting to know her aunts and cousins, sharing what she knew of her father, and most importantly, resting. There was currently no reason to believe any issues for the baby, all seemed healthy, but given her past miscaraige they wanted to be careful.

“Ooh, I care, I care, I care

Like ribbons in your hair

My stomach's all in knots

You got the one thing that I want

Ooh, I try, I try, I try

Try to rationalize

People are people

But it's like you're made of angel dust”

Lorelei looked at Will, the most handsome man she ever met and couldn’t stop thinking how lucky she was. Not just with how handsome (Although fuck, he was so fucking hot. She was ready to jump his bones all the goddamn time. Just look at him.) but how good a man he was. He loved her, and long before she was ever pregnant he treated her with nothing but respect, being gentle despite her anger, the steady rock to cling to in raging emotions. Importantly, he didn’t just stand there and let her act like a brat. He kept her in check where she needed to be, however, he didn’t just let her be crazy, he loved it. He fell for her that first day because she put him in his place. They were good for each other like that. They allowed each other the freedom to be themselves, but nurtured the best version of that self.

“Lacy, oh, Lacy, it's like you're out to get me

You poison every little thing that I do

Lacy, oh, Lacy, I just love you lately

And I despise my jealous eyes and how hard they fell for you

Yeah, I despise my rotten mind and how much it worships you” 

When the song concluded, Laci’s eyes fluttered shut. Ben played the cords to Fare Thee Well, Santiago singing softly in his wife’s ear, playing with her hair and lulling her to sleep. Frankie pulled Jana close, whispering soft nothings in her ear as she smiled. Lorelei felt Chloe kick. She liked the sound of her uncles voice, and so did Lorelei. She had heard him sing Luna De Xelaju to Rosie so many months ago, lulling the girl like he did his girl now. He’d be a great dad and husband, just as Will would. Lorelei took Will’s hand, bringing it to where their daughter kicked.

Will gasped. He never got tired of seeing the signs of life of his most precious thing. “I can’t wait. It feels like… It feels like forever waiting...”

“You’re telling me.” She whisper-laughed. “I love this little bug but my god, I’m ready to have her out.”

Laci began snoring. Loudly. Really loudly.

“How does this small of a girl snore so loud?” Frankie commented.

Santi shook his head, smiling but there were tears. He’d never been so happy.

Will stood, putting his hand on his friend's shoulder. “Go, take your wife to bed, I’ll get the fire.”

“I’ll put the chairs away.” Frankie volunteered. Lorelei and Jana offered to put away the lights and the flowers.

Santi looked fondly at his friends, thanking them. He chuckled, speaking quietly to not wake his girl. “Wife… I have a wife now, can you believe it?” He stood, Frankie helping him up to not hurt his knees any more. 

“I can’t actually.” Frankie teased. “But lucky for you, you got a good one.”

“Yeah, the best one.” Santi carried his wife to bed, trusting his friends to make sure everything was safe. He could take care of the rest in the morning.

When everything was done, Will got into his car with Lorelei by his side. He turned to her. “Think that’s gonna be us some day?”

“Oh yeah. But Will?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“We’re having a big wedding. And it’s gonna be a pain in the ass with all my family.”

He laughs. “And mine”

Lorelei joins him in laughter. “It’s not going to be as peaceful as this” 

“Noooooooope. Not one bit.”

Leaning across the dash, Lorelei planted a kiss on his cheek. “Wouldn’t have it any other way. Now get me home, or I swear to god I’m going to start sucking your dick while you drive.”

Bursting out in a loud, jovial laughter, hanging his head back. “Oh nooooo whatever will I do!”

But they both know he was too much of a safety man for that.

Luckily, it was a quick drive home. Will had no plans of leaving Lorelei wanting.

**********

Wow, thank you all for this amazing journey!!!!

I'm emotional, but knowing Benny's story is coming too so I know I'll see them again! By the time Ben starts, little Chloe Sen is born!!! then Leto, then the new Morales baby, making our Rosie a sisteeeeerrrrr!!!

I can't thank y'all enough for coming with me. I know there isn't much Will fandom out there especially with an OC, so handful of you mean the world to me

I love Lorelei so much, she was so special to explore with. Laci's nature was soft, sensitive, timid. She had to overcome an arch of her trauma. Jana's personality didn't need to change or shift. She was already confident, brave, loving. She needed to be there for Frankie.

Lorelei needed to grow. Much like sam in sunshine, she was not a perfect character but like she said in this chapter, her and will are good for each other because they keep each other accountable. They keep each other in check and I am so, so proud of how far she's come.

I'm happy they get to be a happy little family now.

Up next, No Surrender, Benjamin Miller x M!OC (Cameron MacDonald) WERE GONNA RESCUE OUR BOY

@pimosworld @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @whatthefishh @missdictatorme @milkymoon2483 @poeedameronn @itspdameronthings @miraclesabound @babymills16 @rayslittlekitten @kirsteng42

[scootkiddo]

Joel “you’re cargo” Miller will stay up all night sacrificing hours of sleep just to ensure Ellie’s protection. Joel “it’s best we keep our histories to ourselves” Miller will indulge to Ellie’s curiosity surrounding his brother and answer her questions. Joel “stop acting like this kid has a future in front of her” Miller will try to pour oil on troubled waters and tell Ellie she won’t get shot because he won’t let her. Joel “nothing bad in there except you” Miller will fight a mental hurricane to offer some form of solace and verbally empathize with the the fact that Ellie’s innocence and childhood is jeopardized by a cruel and unforgiving world she doesn’t deserve to suffer from. Joel “that’s not funny” Miller will giggle like a school child as he basks in the absurd humor and joy and safety and solidarity of the one silver lining left in his life. Joel Miller-

[actual-changeling]

In the grand scheme of things, a month is not enough time to really get to know someone, especially if said person is clearly still going through a lot of shit and clinging to his brother like an octopus. They have been spending more and more afternoons with each other, always with Joel in the middle, and he likes to think they're on a good path to being friends.

Tommy might not know Ellie well, but he does know her, and it's easy to see that she is currently incredibly uncomfortable and Joel nowhere to be seen. The dining hall is loud during meal times on the best of days, but today it is outright chaotic, and Tommy remembers how overwhelming it had been during his first few months in Jackson. On top of that, Ellie is so small she can probably barely see through the crowd, just a piece of driftwood caught in the current and pulled along in whatever direction people are moving, and without Joel there to enforce her personal space, she is drowning.

His body is moving toward her before he even notices what he is doing, stopping himself once he does; there's a chance Ellie would be quite upset if he tried to swoop in and "save" her, well aware how much she dislikes being close to anyone who isn't Joel. But then Martin starts talking to her, good guy, usually very friendly, and all color drains from her face, and Tommy decides he'd rather have Ellie elbow him in the stomach than face his brother's wrath over not stepping in.

The crowd parts around him when he moves through it, the distance between him and Ellie closed within seconds, and he stops on her right, keeping himself in her field of vision so he doesn't startle her (he did that once on accident, never again). He nods at Martin, though his feelings are far from his priority right now.

"Hey Ellie, have you seen Joel somewhere?"

Trying to keep his tone light, he has one eye on the people surrounding them and one on her, still trying to figure out where the hell his brother disappeared to, he never leaves her alone if he can help it. He's not quite sure what he expects Ellie to do, but it's definitely not her hands snapping up to grab his arm so tightly it's almost painful, nails digging into his skin. She is shaking, trying so hard to be aware of the room around her that her eyes are almost fluttering, and it takes him a few beats to react.

"Gonna go 'n find my brother with this one, Martin."

It's not a question but he nods, giving his shoulder a quick squeeze before merging back into the crowd, and Tommy is incredibly thankful for that. The second he is gone, Ellie deflates, falling against his side, and Tommy brings up his other arm around her and gently places his palm on her back, relieved when she doesn't flinch. Asking if she is okay seems unnecessary, she clearly isn't, so he just tries his best to provide her with as much space as possible as he navigates them to an empty table in one of the quieter corners near the back exit, casually pushing people away when necessary.

Ellie sinks into a chair and doesn't let go of him, knuckles white, and he settles next to her, keeping an eye out for Joel while talking to her.

"Anything you need, sweetheart?"

The endearment slips out, force of habit, and her gaze is suddenly glued to his face, pupils blown so wide her eyes seem black.

"Don't leave."

"I won't, promise. Do you know where Joel went?"

She shakes her head, fingers around his wrist loosening a tiny bit.

"Alright, I'm sure he'll be back soon, someone probably just distracted him."

They both lean back, the relative silence between them oddly comforting, and Ellie nudges her chair across the floor until their armrests are pressed together, her breaths coming a bit slower and deeper now. The affection curling around his heart is familiar, warmth blooming in his chest, and it's easy to understand why Joel fell for her so quickly and completely it almost killed him. She relaxes while they wait, head tipping to rest against his biceps, eyes closed, and the open display of trust is so sweet it makes him ache. Despite not spending a lot of time together, she clearly thinks of him as someone safe, probably due to his relationship with Joel, and Tommy finds himself hoping that maybe they can build something on that foundation. Ellie is Joel's kid, which makes her family, and Tommy looks out for his people.

It takes Joel about fifteen minutes to finally return to them with a panicked look on his face, clearly out of breath, and he stops dead in his tracks when he sees Ellie half draped over him.

"I'm sorry, baby, someone was asking about some construction work I did yesterday, and-"

"It's okay," she interrupts, blinking up at him and stretching out one hand in a clear demand, "Tommy got me."

Joel stills, eyes flicking between the two of them, and he simply shrugs his unoccupied shoulder, it's not like it's his kid, after all. He takes Ellie's hand and falls into the chair next to her, leaning over to press a kiss to her hair, and Tommy doesn't even try to hide his smile. To everyone's surprise, Ellie stays right where she is, holding Joel's hand with a death grip but still using him as a pillow, and the look he shares with Joel is one of mutual confusion and resignation. She starts talking to him about some space book she's been reading, ignoring the last twenty minutes of her life, and they silently agree to wait out the masses before getting their own food, Ellie seemingly content to force both of them to listen to her ramble about an astronaut he has no idea about.

Yeah, she got them both wrapped around her finger, and Tommy finds he doesn't mind it one bit, hoping that maybe this is not only a second chance for Joel, but for him, too.

[lionlena]

Unforgivable mistake (JoelMillerxreader) Part 6

Summary: Reader is much younger than Joel and is in love with  him. One night, after arguing with Tess and getting drunk, Joel spends  the night with a reader, but in the morning he breaks her heart…  She  runs away from Boston hoping that she will never meet this cold bastard  again in her life. But almost six years later, she unexpectedly sees  Joel in Jackson. She decides to hide herself and her little secret from  this asshole.

Warnings: age gap (reader is about 28 years, Joel 58),  strong language, swearing, past trauma, bullying, attempted rape, memories of sexual abuse, unprotect p in v,  dom!Joel, Joel is asshole, ANGST, hurt, sadness and heartbreaking, sexual harassment, women abuse, violence, injury, sickness.

Part 6

"Mommy, you should kiss Joel."

You nearly dropped the laundry you were hanging outside when you heard what your toddler said. You looked at your son in shock.

"Where did that idea come from, honey?"

Teddy sighed and said, "Because Joel is sad and you always give me a kiss when I'm sad and that helps."

"Oh" was all you could say.

Joel had actually been sadder for the past few days. He was even more reticent and didn't even react to Ellie's taunts. You didn't know if it was because of your talk about forgiveness or the fact that Maria and Tommy were expecting a baby. Well, You thought that was good news, but did Joel was jealous? He had Teddy, after all. He got a second chance.

"Mommy."

You heard your son's impatient voice and realized that "Oh" wasn't considered a sufficient answer. You knelt down next to him and said, "I'm afraid it doesn't work on adults as it does on children. I think Joel might feel weird if I kissed him."

Teddy frowned. "Then hug him... You hugging Aunt Claudia when she's sad."

"You hugging him, and that's better than my hug."

Your son made a sad face, and you felt like you let him down. In his childhood mind, sometimes everything was so simple and you envied him that.

"You know what helps me when I'm sad?" The little boy looked at you curiously. "When you give me drawings and flowers. Maybe after I finish work at the stables, we can go to the meadow so you can pick flowers for Joel?"

"Okay, but if that doesn't help, promise me you'll hug him."

You sighed heavily and nodded your head.

At the stables, you were still thinking about what Teddy said. Maybe you should talk to Joel? He didn't really have anyone in Jackson except Tommy, Ellie, and Teddy... And you. He still had a strained relationship with his brother, and the children were hardly suitable for serious conversations. So everything was on you. And your two relationship has improved. When you saw him, you didn't just think about how badly he hurt you, but how he changed for the better.

You stopped brushing Jupiter for a moment and looked back to see your son, who was throwing straw into an empty stall. In fact, he lost most of the straw along the way, but he looked so cute. He wanted to help you, like his dad.

You were so lost in thought that you didn't notice that you were approaching to place where another horse had bitten Jupiter. The wound still hurt him, and though he was a nice horse, he reacted to pain like any other animal. He whinnied loudly and jumped up sharply. You managed to dodge the kick, but you staggered and stumbled. You hit your head on the post that was between the horse's boxes. It got dark before your eyes and the last thing you remember was your son's frightened scream.

*

Teddy knew he had to call for help. He ran out of the stable and began to run as fast as his little legs would allow him. However, he passed several people and did not stop. Even when someone tried to stop him. In his mind, only one person could save you.

"Joel!" he shouted as he saw a familiar figure.

Joel was just walking with Ellie to the dining room when he heard his son scream. He immediately turned around and knelt down to catch the kid who practically ran into him. He immediately noticed that the little boy was terrified.

"Teddy, what happened?"

He gently grabbed his shoulders and started looking for any injuries, but the baby boy seemed to be fine. Teddy struggled to catch his breath, tears streaming down his face.

"Mama," he finally choked out.

Joel was immediately overwhelmed by a wave of terror.

"What about mom?" He asked.

The boy barely spoke. "Ho… Horse... Kick" he said between sobs.

Joel didn't need any more. He looked at Ellie, who seemed as scared as Teddy.

"Stay with him. I'm running to her."

The girl nodded and grabbed the boy's hand as Joel ran to the stables.

*

When you woke up you felt a terrible headache. Your ears were ringing and your vision was blurred, but only one thing mattered to you. Your son.

"Teddy," you croaked.

You got up with difficulty. You felt like a newborn foal that couldn't catch its balance. You slowly took a step by step, sticking to the wall. As you were about to leave, Joel suddenly ran up to you. He grabbed your sides and held you tight.

"Y/N, what happened?"

You heard the worry in his voice.

"Jupiter got angry... I jumped back, but I think I hit my head on something hard... Where's Teddy?"

Joel stroked your cheek, then ran his hand over the back of your head and was relieved to see that there was no blood on his fingers.

"Teddy is with Ellie. He's fine. He's just scared."

As soon as you heard that, you felt your strength leave you. You stayed on your feet only because fear for your son was your motivation. Joel immediately lifted you up and said, "Okay. You need medical attention."

"No" you moaned and rested your head against his chest. "Just not Anderson."

Joel sighed. "Then what am I supposed to do?"

"Take me home and call Wanda. She used to be a nurse."

"Okay," he whispered and brushed his lips against your forehead, and you just closed your eyes.

*

An hour later you were in bed and listening to Wanda's instructions. Teddy was cuddling up to your side. He had stopped crying but was still very scared. Ellie was sitting on the edge of the bed looking at you with worried eyes. Joel stood next to Wanda and carefully listened to her.

"It's definitely a concussion. She should not move. Let her sleep a lot, rest, and drink plenty of water. Someone should stay with her overnight. If she starts vomiting, she may choke."

"I'm not going to vomit," you muttered. You were slightly annoyed that the woman was talking like you weren't in the room.

Joel just gave you an indulgent look and replied, "I'll keep an eye on her.”

When Wanda left, he came closer to you and stroked his son's head.

"Hey, 'bear cub', mum will be fine. Why don't you and Ellie go to the meadow and collect flowers for mommy?"

Teddy looked at you with those puppy eyes he inherited from his father.

"Will this help you, mommy?"

You nodded your head and he immediately jumped off the bed and grabbed Ellie's hand pulling her towards the exit. Joel was still staring at you.

"What?" you asked.

He bit his lip and muttered, "I was worried about you, I'm still worried about you... I don't know what I would do if something happened to you..."

You were surprised by his confession. You might even hug him if it weren't for the constant dizziness.

"I'll be fine and you don't have to do all this for me."

Joel stepped closer, knelt by the bed, and grabbed your hand.

"I'll take care of you and Teddy. I'll do whatever it takes to make you feel better."

You smiled slightly and nodded your head.

In the evening you were really surprised how well Joel handled the baby. You thought your boy would be very cranky after a day like this... And he was, but Joel made it. After he put his son to bed, he came back to you and sat in the armchair to watch you all night.

It was weird and embarrassing for you at first. You thought you wouldn't be able to fall asleep next to him, but his presence began to soothe you and you fell asleep.

*

Joel stretched out in an armchair and tilted his head back. He yawned and closed his eyes. He thought that nothing would happen if he took a nap for a while. Your sleep seemed restful. Before he could fall asleep he heard the patter of small feet and after a while, he felt Teddy climb into his lap. He opened his eyes and smiled softly.

"Hi, 'bear cub'."

The baby boy glanced towards the bed: "Mummy still sleeping?"

Joel combed the boy's curls. "It's night. She should sleep. Just like you."

The little one shook his head and looked at him, and despite the dim light, Joel could see traces of tears on the baby's cheeks.

"You were crying, baby. What happened?"

He pulled the boy to his chest and hugged him tightly.

"Will mommy die?"

Joel replied immediately. "No, 'bear cub'. Of course not. She'll be fine. That's why I'm here to make sure everything is okay."

Teddy nodded and murmured, "Tell me a story."

Joel frowned. "We have to go get the book."

"No," the little one moaned. "Your story."

"Oh. All right." He thought for a moment. "I'll tell you about the Boston Angel."

"That angel was pretty?"

Joel smiled and nodded. "It was basically she, and she was the most beautiful angel I've ever seen. She was also sweet and kind. Even though Boston wasn't a pretty place, she was always able to find something beautiful and show it to the children. She bent down to tie a little girl's shoes and gave food to the homeless dog, and she always smiled."

"And did she bake cookies like Mommy?"

"Yes. She was the perfect Angel, but she met the bad man." Joel sighed heavily. He didn't know why he made up this story about you two. He felt the little boy tugging at his shirt.

"And what did the bad man do?"

"He broke the angel's wings and made the angel sad."

"But why did he do it?"

"Because he forgot how to love and only remembered that losing someone you love hurts a lot. So instead of loving an angel, he preferred to hurt her." He stroked Teddy's curls. "But the angel managed to escape Boston, and then her wings grew back and became even more beautiful and stronger. So strong that they could carry her wherever she wanted."

Teddy yawned and asked, "And the bad man? Has he changed?"

Joel didn't know what to say. He hadn't expected such a question. He swallowed and replied, "He's tried hard to change and... I hope one day he'll be good and the Angel will see it."

You felt tears running down your cheeks. You woke up as soon as you heard your son's voice, but you were still tired and did not react. You knew Joel would take care of the boy. So you heard the whole story about Angel and you couldn't believe it. Joel thought you were asleep, so he didn't say all that just to win your favor.

There was silence and you guessed that Teddy had fallen asleep. You went back to sleep too.

*

Joel slowly got to his feet, holding gently the sleeping boy, but something was bothering him. The baby's body was too warm. He kissed the boy's forehead and wondered if you had a thermometer somewhere in the house. He gently placed the baby on the bed and carefully covered him with a blanket. He didn't even get out of the room before he heard a plaintive whine, "Joo."

He quickly returned to the baby and began to calm him down. "Shhh, I'll be right back."

The little one stretched out his arms towards him with another pitiful moan and began to cry. Joel sighed and took the boy in his arms, wrapping him in a blanket.

"It's okay 'bear cub'. Do you know where mom keeps the thermometer and medicine?"

The little one sobbed and pressed his face against dads shoulder, muttering, "Not sick."

Joel rolled his eyes. He realized that he had to fend for himself. And so he held the baby with one hand and searched the kitchen cupboards with the other. He found a thermometer, bandages, a hot water bottle, and medicines that he knew were not for children. He took the boy back to the room and took his temperature. He had a fever.

"Teddy, does your tummy hurt?"

"No," the boy moaned.

"And here?" he asked and touched the boy's chest.

"Only the head."

Joel frowned. He stroked the boy's back and said, "Stay here a minute. I'll check on mommy."

"NO!"

Teddy started crying and Joel panicked. He didn't want you to wake up. He quickly lifted his son and began to gently rock him in his arms and place kisses on his wet, hot cheeks.

"Shhh, shhh, 'bear cub', it's okay. We'll go to mom together, but you have to promise me you'll be quiet. Okay?"

The little one whined and nodded his head. Joel breathed a sigh of relief, though he knew he had a rough night ahead of him.

He carefully looked at you and was relieved to see that you were still asleep. By this time, the boy had already fallen asleep and Joel was able to put him to bed.

And so for the next hour, Joel wandered between your room and Teddy's room. Unfortunately, the boy woke up again and started crying.

"I want water," he sobbed.

"I'll bring you."

"Do not go!"

Joel sighed heavily and took the boy in his arms. The boy immediately clung to his body tightly. "We will go together."

Unfortunately, the boy was very moody. When he saw the blue cup of water, he wailed loudly and Joel started to panic. He didn't know what had happened and tried to calm him down.

"It's okay... Shhh, tell me what happened? Teddy, baby, 'bear cub'..."

And as if he didn't have enough problems, You walked into the kitchen. You heard your son cry and your maternal instinct was stronger than your dizziness. You staggered into the doorway and grabbed the doorframe with difficulty.

"Y/N" Joel gasped and immediately started walking towards you.

He wrapped his free arm tightly around your waist while the other still held Teddy, who was crying in his ear. Joel led you to a chair and carefully sat you down. He started rocking your son and you looked at the blue mug on the table and said, "He doesn't like that color. You have to give him a red one."

Joel breathed a sigh of relief and quickly grabbed the red cup. Teddy finally calmed down, drank some water, and fell asleep in dad's arms, but his behavior made you uneasy. You knew that such trivial things as the color of the mug only made him cry when he was ill.

"Joel, does he have a fever?"

The man reluctantly nodded. He didn't want to worry you, but he couldn't lie to you.

"He has a fever and a headache, but otherwise he's fine. He doesn't cough, he doesn't have a runny nose. I've been looking for some medicine for him, but I haven't found anything."

You sighed heavily. "They're over. I was going to go to Anderson's, but... You know."

"I know. If he's not better by morning, I'll go with him to that asshole."

You looked at him scared. "No... I can't do it."

He came closer to you. "Hey, I said I'll go. You will stay. Everything will be fine. I'll take care of everything and now I'll put the little one to bed and come back for you."

"Put him in my bed. I want him close and try to put cold compresses on him to bring down the fever."

Joel nodded and did as you said. He put Teddy in your bed and then came back for you. He wrapped his arms around you to take all your weight. Once you were in bed, he returned to the kitchen and fetched a bowl of cold water and a small kitchen towel. You watched as he knelt by the bed and gently touched Teddy's forehead.

"You have to change the water in a while."

"I know," he said and smiled slightly at you. "Don't worry. I'll be here all the time."

You sighed and closed your eyes. You carefully cuddled up to your little one and hoped that the baby boy would recover by the morning.

Unfortunately, Teddy still had a fever in the morning, like you, he didn't like the idea of visiting Anderson. He cuddled up to you and looked at Joel like he were a traitor. The man reached out to him, but the toddler consistently ignored him.

"Come on, 'bear cub', everything will be fine."

Ellie, who had already come to you, also tried to help. "Teddy, the doctor will just examine you. I and Joel will be with you."

You knew you had to intervene. You gently pushed him away from you and kissed his nose. "Honey, you know Joel will always protect you. Go with them. Mommy needs to stay in bed."

The little boy finally nodded and let Joel take him in his arms.

"Bunny" he sadly whined.

Joel kissed him on the head. "We're going to get your bunny."

After they left, you looked at the teenage girl. "Ellie, make sure he doesn't do something stupid. And I'm not talking about Teddy.”

The girl shrugged. "Okay, but I'm not promising anything."

You fell back on the pillows and closed your eyes. Your head was still spinning and you knew you had to rely on Joel.

*

The atmosphere in Anderson's office was so thick that could have cut it with a knife. The two men stared at each other with pure hatred. Eventually, Ellie intervened. She grunted loudly and muttered, "I don't know about you, but I don't want to spend all day here."

The doctor snorted. "Put him on the table. I'll listen to his lungs."

Teddy immediately moaned plaintively as he was separated from his dad's body. Joel looked at him sympathetically. He kissed his forehead and whispered, "It will only take a moment."

Teddy hugged the stuffed bunny tightly to him. Anderson looked at the little boy irritably and hissed, "Should I examine him or the stuffed animal?"

Joel clenched his jaw. He felt his head start to ache. He'd had a really rough night and was losing his patience with this prick. He carefully took the toy out of his son's hands and tenderly said, "Ellie will take care of your bunny for a while."

Tears welled up in Teddy's eyes, but he nodded and watched as Ellie gently hugged his toy. Meanwhile, Anderson, without any warning, pulled the boy's T-shirt up and held the cold stethoscope to the child's body. Teddy squeaked and jumped. Only Joel's quick reaction saved him from falling off the table.

"What are you doing?" he growled.

Anderson shrugged. "It's not my fault he's as weak as his mother."

And that was enough. Joel handed the boy into Ellie's arms and gently pushed her towards the door. "Wait with him in the corridor."

Ellie nodded her head. She herself was furious with this asshole.

As she disappeared through the door, Anderson hissed, "What, are you going to break my nose again?"

Joel smiled in a way that made Anderson uneasy and he took a step back. Joel pulled a knife from his belt and lunged for the doctor. He pushed him into the chair and with one hand squeezed his throat so that the man couldn't scream.

"No, I'll do something much worse to you," he growled from the back of his throat. "Now listen to me carefully. You will treat my son as your most valuable patient."

Anderson's eyes widened in shock. "Teddy, this is your..."

Joel laughed. "Yeah, and you'd better think it over." He slid the knife into the doctor's crotch. "You have body parts that are not needed. Without them, you'll still be useful."

Anderson swallowed and nodded. "I will be gentle..." he squeaked.

Joel nodded. "All right."

He opened the door and took the boy in his arms. He smiled and kissed him on the head. "Come 'bear cub', Mr. Anderson will be very nice now and apologize to you for hurting you."

He looked at the doctor suggestively, and the man nodded. "I'm sorry Teddy." He started heating the stethoscope and said, "He can stay in your arms while I examine him."

The rest of the examination went smoothly and Anderson was kind and gentle. When he had finished, he said, "Everything seems fine. Did something stress him out?"

Joel frowned. He wasn't sure if Anderson didn't know about your accident or if he was pretending. "Yes. He had a lot of stress yesterday."

The doctor nodded. "This fever, it could be a stress reaction or a mild cold. I'll give you pills, for him. Give him half now, half tonight, and half tomorrow morning. The fever should go down."

*

When they got home, Joel told you how the doctor's visit went. Of course, he skipped the part about the knife threat but you guessed something had happened when your son said, "Mr. Anderson was a bit rude, but then Ellie and I left and when we came back, he was already nice."

You looked suggestively at Joel, and he tried to avoid your gaze at all costs. Then you shot a disappointed look at Ellie. "You were supposed to keep an eye on him."

Ellie shrugged. "This as..." Joel grunted significantly. "This fool, he deserved it."

You shook your head and hugged your son as he began to fall asleep. You didn't really care what Joel did. All that mattered was that he got Teddy's medicine.

*

After three days, you finally felt fine. You weren't dizzy anymore and you didn't lose your balance. Your son's fever has also stopped. It was evening when you got up and decided to eat something. There was an unusual silence in the house. It was still early, but Teddy was already asleep, tired from the impressions of the last few days. But where was Joel? He took care of you all the time and you were impressed with how well he handled everything.

You walked into the living room and saw him sleeping on your couch. He looked so peaceful and you didn't have the heart to be mad at him for falling asleep in your house. You guessed he was dead tired after two nights of watching over you and Teddy. Plus, you knew your sweet little son turned into a little monster when he was sick. One minute he wanted juice, the next he was spitting it out and crying that he didn't want juice. And maybe he got it from you. Well, maybe, just maybe, you had Joel bring you a glass of cold water, and after five minutes you decided it was too cold and asked him for hot tea. And he, without whining, without a grimace on his face, obediently went to the kitchen. So yes, he had a right to be tired. You grabbed a blanket from the armchair and gently covered him. Then you crouched down at his face and felt that old sentiment. Joel's hair always looked as soft and fluffy, as your son's. Made to be combed with your fingers. And before you could stop yourself, your fingers had already sunk into his gray curls.

Joel blinked his eyes and you quickly pulled your hand away. He looked at you and started to move, but he was very clumsy.

"Sorry... I'll be up in a minute," he mumbled.

You shook your head, put your hand on his shoulder, and said, "You deserve to rest, sleep."

You saw how tired he was and that he was still half asleep, so when he spoke you weren't sure if he was aware of it.

"I wish I could have looked after you while you were pregnant."

You sighed heavily and understood. That's why he was sad. He wasn't jealous at all that Maria was pregnant. He was sorry because it reminded him of what he had lost and made him feel guilty.

"You're taking care of us now. That's enough," you whispered.

You ran your hand through his hair again and he closed his eyes and purred like a cat. A slight smile appeared on his face, and you thought maybe your son was right. Your touch really made Joel stop being sad.

A/N: Okay, so yeah, I messed up the timelines about Maria's pregnancy. I just forgot to mention it before, and it suited me perfectly here. Doctor Google told me that children can have fevers because of stress.

Part V

Part VII

Taglist:   @ajeff855​​, @anislabonis-love​​,  @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi​​,    @i-workwithpens​​, @milla-frenchy​​,  @quality-lust    @liatome​​  @sarahhxx03 @creedslove​​ @jojo-munson​​ @pascalislove​​ @sofiparallel  @goldenhxurs​​     @elliaze​​      @aestheticangel612​​  @cheyxfu​​  @orcasoul​​  @misshoneypaper​​  @prestinalove​​​  @yourusername1 @stevengmybeloved​​

[watcher0033]

Joel and the girlies at the end of every episode. Me. I’m the girlies. Can’t wait to see Tommy again coz y’all we need that hug. 🥲

[whumpypepsigal]

#ellie resting her head on joel’s shoulder, her hand on his chest comforting him and his head slowly leaning towards her

[insert christina yang yelling “somebody sedate me” gif]

[cowgurrrl]

Chosen to Deserve

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader (plus platonic!Ellie Williams x fem!reader)

Summary: “How can I teach her some way of being human that won’t destroy her? I would like to tell her, Love is enough, I would like to say, Find shelter in another skin. I would like to say, Dance and be happy. Instead I will say in my crone’s voice, Be ruthless when you have to, tell the truth when you can, when you can see it.” - Margaret Atwood [3.6k]

Warnings: all the drama of coming into Jackson, sibling turmoil, talks of Sarah and Jane, arguing, reader and Joel are both kinda dicks in this one but I get it

You hear the horses hooves before Joel can. You grab Ellie's arm and turn to run in the opposite direction when another masked person on a horse comes running up. At least a dozen of them flanking you on both sides and they all have weapons pulled. You don't even try to reach for your gun, and Joel does the same, pushing Ellie and you behind him and raising his hands. You and Ellie follow suit but keep her close enough for your hands to brush against each other. Her breathing is uneven and scared. Joel and one of the men have a conversation, but you can't focus on it. All you care about is Ellie. The man Joel was talking to gestures his gun at her.

"Take five steps back."

"She's not going anywhere." You say, and Joel mumbles your name. 

"Shut the fuck up." The man spits.

"Easy," Joel jumps in. You don't know whether he's talking to you or the horseman, but you glare at him anyway. He ignores it and looks past you at Ellie, nodding at her. "You'll be okay." He says. She looks at you for confirmation, and your jaw clenches, but you nod at her scared eyes.

"Do what they say." You say gently, and she carefully takes several steps back. You turn your head to watch her, but a gun cocking turns your attention back to the people surrounding you. The man who told you to shut the fuck up is staring at you through squinted eyes, his shotgun pointed in your direction. You get the message. But she's too far away. You can't even see her in the corner of your eye. You want to grab her wrist and bring her back to you, but you don't move. The man whistles, and a dog appears out of nowhere. You can't remember the last time you saw a dog that wasn't feral. 

"Last chance for a bullet," he says. "If you've been infected, he'll smell it, and he'll rip you apart." The dog barks and thrashes against the leash, and you hear Ellie gasp in fear. Goddammit, you think as the dog slinks over to Joel, smelling his shoes. There's no way out. You're too slow, and there are too many guns. You'd barely get your hands on your weapon before they'd kill you. 

The dog jumps up on Joel and rears her head back. No one shoots. It must be her clear signal. The dog is called back before she's rereleased, this time to smell you. She repeats the action, and your shoulders drop. 

"Satisfied?" You ask, and Joel says your name again like he's scolding you. 

"One more." The man says as he rereleases the dog. She starts walking toward Ellie, and your heart beats in your face. You can hear her feet shuffling backward in the snow, and the dog growls at her. Your ears ring as you wait for the dog to knock her to the ground or worse. A bark pierces the air, and Joel jolts with the sound, but Ellie's laugh stops you from running toward her. You turn and see her giggling in the snow with the dog licking her face, completely safe. The dog is called back, and Ellie makes her way back to you. Nobody cocks a gun or yells at her to stop. 

"You just bought yourself ten more seconds," the man says. "What are you doing out here?"

"I'm just lookin' for my brother," Joel says. A woman makes her horse walk forward, and you tuck Ellie behind you. 

"I'm okay." She whispers, but you don't say anything. You just watch Joel and the woman. She asks his name, and he tells her. She turns back to the man who yelled at you and says something you can't quite hear. 

"Lower your weapons!" The woman yells. No one even flinches or tries to question her. They just do it. "We're taking them back with us." 

In a few minutes, you're each given a horse and are told to follow the group. The journey "back" to wherever they're leading you takes about ten minutes, and the massive fort-like gate leaves you speechless. Joel glances back at you and Ellie and raises his eyebrows as if to say, "getta loada this shit." You shake your head and glance at Ellie, who has a ghost of a smirk on her lips. 

Once you're through the gate, a small city reveals itself. There are people. Like, lots of people. None of them show weapons or look up when you pass. You even see small kids chasing each other with pink cheeks and too-big hats. You can't look at them for too long. There are stores full of food and warm clothes, shoemakers, fucking ironsmiths. You almost think you've fallen into an alternate dimension. You and Joel seem to land on the same person as you get further into town.

He has long curly hair and a dark mustache though he has the same patches Joel has in his beard. They hold themselves the same way, you realize. Like there's too much weight on their backs, but they're doing their best to hold it anyways. He looks good. Healthy. Definitely not in whatever danger you and Joel thought he was in the whole time. Joel calls his name, and Tommy comes bounding down the scaffolding and into his older brother's arms. It's sweet and, by the looks of it, desperately needed by both of the men. 

You turn to look at Ellie and see her looking a little lost and the tiniest bit jealous as she watches the teary reunion. You nudge her with your elbow and mouth, "What a baby" to get her to smile. She gives you a small one but falls back into her pensiveness. You slide off your horse to shake Tommy's hand and introduce yourself.

"And this is Ellie," you say, gesturing to Ellie. She smiles and waves but doesn't get off her horse. 

"Y'all hungry?" Tommy asks, and that gets Ellie's attention. She finally comes down to the ground, and you all walk to the dining hall. 

It's the first hot meal you've had in months. You do your best not to scarf the food down like you want to and keep your manners around Tommy and Maria. Ellie, however, doesn't really care. Joel tries to correct her, and you give him a look. 

What? His raised eyebrows ask.

Leave her alone. You jerk your head in her direction.

Look at her. He widens his eyes.

Stop. You roll your eyes and look at Tommy with a smile.

"So, how long have you been in Jackson?" You ask, and he takes a deep breath.

"Uh, a few years now. I bounced around for a while before settlin' here." He says with a soft smile that reminds you of early mornings with Joel. You have to look away. 

"Ma'am, we're grateful for your hospitality and all, but it'd be nice to have a moment here just for family," Joel says, looking at Maria pointedly. You elbow him in the ribs, and he gives you another look. 

"What?" He hisses.

"You're being rude." You whisper. 

"You fuckin' hit me."

"Actually, uh..." Tommy says, reaching for Maria's left hand to bring the matching wedding rings to your attention for the first time. "Maria is family."

It's been a long day. You haven't seen Joel since he and Tommy disappeared into the bar this afternoon. Maria showed you and Ellie an available house you can stay in for the entirety of your time in Jackson, however long. She's been nice to Ellie, but she's made it clear she doesn't care for you or Joel. You're sure she's heard stories from Tommy about Joel and, therefore, can make assumptions about you. Still, she hasn't said anything explicit to you. You expect there to be a fight, though. There's no way there won't be one. 

After you take showers and put down your heavy packs, Maria silently takes you to watch a movie in the same place you ate lunch. About halfway through, you glance at Ellie, settled in a chair, and decide to sneak out to the general store for supplies. It takes longer than you thought it would, but you find a new hat and gloves for Ellie. It'll be worth it for when you have to get back on the road. You’re excited to show her but she’s locked in her room when you returned to the house. You try getting her to talk to you, but she doesn’t even open the door. She just yells at you to ask Joel.

"Do you wanna tell me why Ellie is sulking in her room?" You ask as you turn the corner and walk into what used to be the primary bedroom. You find him sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. 

"We got in a fight," he grumbles, pulling his head out of his hands to look at you. "Doesn't matter. Tommy's takin’ her to the Fireflies in the morning."

"What?" You ask. What the fuck did they talk about while they were alone? 

"She'll be safer with him. Tommy knows Jackson better than anybody. It's better this way."

"I'm sure his pregnant wife would disagree with you."

"Don't start with that."

"This isn't Tommy's fight, and you know that. He doesn't even know about her and-"

"I told him," he says. You blink at him as you try to wrap your brain around what he just said. Anger rolls through you. It wasn't his place to tell Tommy without consulting you first. He can't keep making decisions about her without talking to you. "I told him everythin’, and he agreed to do it. Said it would take him a few days, but he would be fine."

"You're serious." It's meant to be a question, but it sounds more like a statement. His eyes are heavy as he nods. 

"We were gonna go our separate ways soon enough."

"You promised Tess."

"I said a lot of shit I didn't mean," he snaps. "You should go with 'em if you think it's so unsafe. I'm sure they could use the extra hands."

"And what're you gonna do?"

"Go back to Boston and forget this ever happened." He says without hesitation. The implication that you would be on his list of things to forget hits somewhere deep in your chest. You start pacing, unsure of what to do with the buzzing behind your molars.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Joel, really? You got into a fight with a fourteen-year-old, and now you're gonna hightail it back to Boston? Just like that?" You scoff, and he stands from his place on the bed, getting in your face. You square your shoulders in a silent dare. 

"She brought up Sarah." 

"And Jane," you say. "And Tess. And Bill and Frank. And Sam and Henry. You really wanna keep going? Because I can play this game all day."

"Tommy is takin' her to the Fireflies. End of story." He tries, and you squint at him. 

"Oh, so you're abandoning her with someone else because it's more convenient for you? Sounds real familiar." 

"Fuck you."

"Fuck me? I'm not the one going back to Boston because I'm afraid of a kid." 

"It ain't about her. It's about Tommy-"

"Knowing this area better. I get it. But you know what he doesn't know? Ellie," you say. He wavers, stepping back a little, but you don't let him go that easy. "He doesn't know how to take care of her like you do. We've been traveling with her for six fucking months, and now you just want to dump her on someone else because it's hard? Because she brought up your kid? Huh?" You ask, but he doesn't say anything. He just stares past your face. "She's fourteen, Joel. Her job is to push your buttons just to see what comes out. She takes her anger out on you because she trusts you to handle it. She trusts you. We both do. But I swear to God, Joel, if you do this..." You're not sure what threat you wanted to tack onto the end of that sentence, but it dies in your throat. Your chest is pressed against his, and your breathing is ragged. You step away, finally, and make for the door. 

Originally, you were going to sleep in bed with him. He even joked about it when Maria mentioned something about the house before you split off. Now, you'll sleep on the fucking couch if you have to. You're angry. You should be slamming doors and stomping down the stairs, but your hand lingers on the doorknob for some reason. You turn back to him. 

"D'you really think you're the only person who hurts when you look at her?" You ask. "She... she is everything Jane will never be. I know that. But she's not Jane. And she's not Sarah. She's Ellie, and she needs help. If you can't handle that, then fine. Go back to Boston, but don't blame a kid for something you can't face." 

Joel is gone by the time you wake up. No note. No goodbye. Nothing. He even made the bed, so there'd be absolutely no proof he was ever here. You want to fight with him again. You want to yell at each other until you figure it out or come to a place of understanding. You want him to want to figure it out with you. But the world has never been kind enough to care about what you want. So, you brush your teeth, wash your face, and push thoughts of Joel away. You have to get her to the Fireflies safely. One of you should fulfill the promise you made Tess. 

When Tommy arrives on the doorstep with a sympathetic look and a rifle slung over his shoulder, you smile softly at him before opening the door wider. He shuts the door behind him as you move to the living room and pull your boots on. He walks over and plays with the blanket swung over the back of the couch. 

"You know, there are beds upstairs." He says, and you nod. 

"Joel and I got into a fight." You say. He's married. He should know how it goes.

"Seems to be a recurring theme with him." 

"Yeah," you finish tying your bootlaces and sit back to look at him. "You really don't have to do this, you know."

"I know. I just... feel like I owe him," he shrugs, the rifle moving with his shoulders, and you sigh. "Plus, Maria's already mad at me bout it. Might as well finish it."

"Both the Miller men seem to be battin' a thousand this week." You laugh. There's movement upstairs, and you take a deep breath. Tommy reaches out and squeezes your shoulder, and you let him. In the twenty-four hours you've known him, you've realized Tommy is gentler, softer than Joel is. Still, Joel told you the stories of how the hot desert sun beat down on Tommy's baby face as he held a gun bigger than him. You know he's just as dangerous as Joel. You just wish Joel bore it as well as Tommy does. 

"I should go talk to her." You mumble as you stand. He nods and wishes you good luck before walking up the stairs toward Ellie's room. 

A closed door has never been as ominous as this one. You push through the pit of dread in your stomach and knock on the wood, only opening it when you receive a response. Then, like watching fall leaves, you watch her shoulders drop in disappointment. She thought—no, hoped— you were Joel. You walk over and sit next to her on the window seat, putting a hand on her knee and squeezing affectionately. You sit like that for a moment before Ellie frowns at you.

"I really thought he would change his mind." She whispers.

"Yeah, me too." You whisper back. She purses her lips and shakes her head like she's scolding herself for getting her hopes up. You squeeze her again, but she doesn't say anything. She just gets up, throws her backpack over her shoulders, and trudges down the stairs. You sigh and look up at the ceiling, racking your brain for the best way to turn her mood around before following her. 

The walk to the stables is silent. You're each trying to settle into this new dynamic, but none of you like it. That seems to be the only thing clear about this whole situation. As you walk through the horse stalls, Tommy tells you something about the distance or the terrain or something. You lose track when you see Joel saddling up the horse you were coming to get.

"You came here to say goodbye or something?" Ellie snaps, but Joel doesn't even turn from what he's doing.

"No. I came here to steal one of these horses and go." His voice is strained, like he's been crying. Had he been crying? In the years you've known Joel Miller, you've never seen him cry. 

"I woulda gave you one." Tommy chimes in, and Joel nods.

"I know," he says, finally looking at the three of you. His eyes linger on yours before he looks down at his boots again. "Anyway, that was thirty minutes ago, and I guess..." he trails off and starts walking to Ellie. "You deserve a choice. I still think you'd be better off with Tommy-"

"Let's go." Ellie cuts him off, shoving her bag into his chest with enough force to make him stumble. You fight a smile as you glance between them. This, you think. This is how it's supposed to be. 

"Okay," Joel says. Ellie walks past him and to the horse, petting his nose and whispering sweet things. Tommy and Joel share a look of understanding before his eyes flick to yours. "D'you mind givin' us a minute?" He asks Tommy, and he shakes his head. He takes the horse Joel saddled up and Ellie outside before walking to the back of the barn to get another one ready. The air between you is thick as you stare at him, the dried tear marks on his cheeks catching the light, and you should be mad at him. You should curse at him and push him, but you don't. 

"You made Ellie really happy." You say instead. He nods and takes a step into you. 

"Only Ellie?" He rasps. You take a deep breath and press your tongue into your cheek, fighting the impulse to make a snarky comment. He can see the struggle and smirks devastatingly at you.

"I'm happy," you say. He takes another step closer, his chest hitting flush against yours, and you breathe in the mint toothpaste he used this morning. His lips ghost over yours, but you pull back and look at him intently before he can kiss you. "If you ever make me yell at you like that again, I will make your life a living hell, Miller."

"Promise?" He asks, a teasing lilt to his voice, and you raise your eyebrows at him. "I'm sorry for bein' a dick. I should've listened to you from the start. I'm sorry," he mumbles as he kisses you. "'M sorry." Kiss. "'M sorry." Kiss. "'M sorry." He trails down your neck, whispering apologies into your skin. You tilt your head to give him a little more room, relishing in the scratch of his beard against your pulse, when you hear Ellie's voice from outside. You slap his shoulder to get his attention, but he doesn't move. 

"Cool it, cowboy. There are kids around." You say, and he chuckles.

"Kid," he corrects. "And she's not payin' attention." He says, lifting his head to kiss your lips again. It feels like it's been forever since you've had a moment like this with him, probably since before Tess died. Still, he tastes familiar, and the press of his lips against yours is a comfort. You indulge in it for a few more seconds before pulling away.

"We have to go." You whisper, your voice wrecked from the effect he has on you, and he groans.

"Okay, okay." He relents, prying himself from you, but you catch his wrist before he can get far.

"I'm serious about what I said. I don't wanna feel like I did last night ever again." You say, and he presses his lips into a line before intertwining your fingers.

"I'm sorry for the fight. For bein' a dick. Everything. I'll do anything I can to never do that to you or Ellie ever again, okay?" He says. Reluctantly, you nod and decide to forgive him. You don't have time to be mad at him, and there's nothing you can do to change the past. You can only keep moving forward.

"Okay," you agree. "But Ellie deserves an apology, too." 

"Of course." He agrees easily. It's the least friction you've ever had while talking to him. You smile and kiss him one more time before you two walk out to where Ellie and Tommy are waiting with two saddled-up horses. The brothers bid each other a private goodbye, and you thank him for everything. He gives you directions as Joel pulls Ellie up on the horse to settle behind him, and you listen, too, in case Joel forgets something. 

Then, as quietly as you arrived, you leave Jackson and its inhabitants for whatever the Fireflies have in store for you three. 

[elsfavor1te]

ANGELS WEPT, pt 1.5

warnings: tlou2 ellie williams x fem/gn! reader. reader is sensitive. hurt/comfort. talk of death. no use of ‘y/n’. use of pet names ‘bug’ , ‘mama’ , ‘pretty’ , & ‘baby’. lowercase intended!! lmk if i forgot anything <3

part 2 wasn’t ready in the time that i wanted it to be so i whipped this together in about 20-30 minutes. hopefully this holds you guys over. this will hurt differently for the people who reader part 1 so i highly highly highly recommend it. enjoy!!

part 1 , part 2 , part 2.5

2 weeks earlier.

you were restless. ever since patrol earlier today you haven’t been able to shake the image of the child clicker, straddling your body with the intent to infect or even further, kill you.

ellie had heard your screams and saved you, as per usual. sometimes it made you feel useless, how it seemed that you couldn’t hold your own.

you tried to forget about that though, it had been hours since then. if you could guess you would say it’s around 12 maybe 1 in the morning.

your body was tangled with ellie’s, your head on her chest listening to her gentle and even breaths. her legs woven with yours.

you thought ellie had went to sleep hours ago but she hadn’t. she couldn’t sleep feeling how tense your body was against hers. believe that she was exhausted but there was no way she was sleeping without knowing you were first.

“bug?” ellie’s voice infiltrated your wandering mind. you bring your head up from her chest, looking back at her. you hum in acknowledgment.

“can’t sleep?”

you shake your head after a few seconds of hesitance, not wanting to worry her. your body loosens almost immediately when her hand comes up to rub gently at your back, her other hand coming to rub at the furrow between your eyebrows.

“what’s wrong? talk to me, mama.”

you try not to think about how deliciously the rasp of her voice wraps around each of her caring words. instead you stare back into her tired eyes.. attempting to read her thoughts.

you take a deep breath, bringing your hand up to trace ellie’s tattoo. “it’s just- the clicker encounter. it’s stuck in my head. that- that was someone’s child els…”

her mouth opens and closes a few times, trying to find the words to say to you. “i know.. it shook me a bit too. more so the compromising position it had you in… you’re someone’s child too, bug. not to mention the reason i make it through each of these days.”

ellie feels the hot tear soak into her t-shirt before she registers the shake in your shoulders. she lets out a solemn sigh before hiking your leg over her waist so you can straddle her and pulling you up higher so your head is in her neck.

“i’m- sorry. i don’t even know why i’m crying.” you attempt to laugh off the stray tears.

“cause you’re my sensitive girl,” she smiles delicately at you, bringing up her hand to wipe away the tear trailing over your nose. “it’s okay, we all need to cry sometimes.”

you’re both enveloped in silence for a few moments before you break it again.

“baby…? can you promise me something?”

“depends on what it is.”

“if i.. if i ever get bit? promise you’ll end it before i turn. i don’t know the science behind it but- the chance that they may be alive in there-“

“you’re not gonna be bit. ever.” her arms tighten around you at the sheer thought of that. “i won’t let that happen.”

“but ellie, if. i don’t wanna die in pain. i wanna go peacefully. and- when i do i want a pretty.. funeral with nice flowers and- you and joel and dina and everyone there.” you ramble sleepily.

“…you’re not gonna die, nothing is gonna happen to you. so fine whatever. i promise.” she says, ignoring the burn at the back of her eyes and the ache in her chest when she thinks of losing you.

“go to sleep, pretty.” ellie rubs at your back softly, unaware that you were already.

[romanarose]

For the Longest Time: Chapter 9

William Miller x Fem!OC (Lorelei Giang)

Masterlist : Triple Frontier Masterlist :Playlist

Join my taglist!

Summary: A happy gathering devolves.

Warnings: Domestic violence, homophobia, transphobia, fighting, physical violence, blood, pregnancy talk, choking, PIV sex, talk of OCD, meds, orgasm struggles, fingering, JUST LOTS OF ANGST OKAY

AN/ here we gooooooo

*****************

Will had Lorelei on her hands and knees, naked on his bed as he fucked into her, his hand splayed on her butt and thumb fucking into her asshole. He was rough like she liked it, but always careful with her, knowing her limits. Will was conscious not to hurt her or the baby. At 8 months this was about the only comfortable position left. Will had assured her time and time again that they didn’t have to have sex… but he said it one too many times, making the woman who used to never cry break down in tears thinking that meant he thought she was ugly. Lorelei was very emotional these days. And incredibly horny.

It was fairly often Will woke up in the middle of the night (or day, depending if they were napping. Lorelei still worked and occasionally had to stay late still) to the buzzzzzzzz of her vibrator as she lay in bed with him.

That’s how today started. Several people had called in, and Lorelei didn’t want to leave the hospital understaffed so she stayed overnight, with the stipulation that she got to leave early on Thursday. Laci and Santi wanted to gather everyone, probably something to do with the wedding plans, and although Laci assured her it was okay she missed this, Lorelei wanted to be there. Lorelei wondered if they were going to postpone the wedding while they figure out whatever their issues are.

Lorelei and Will were taking a nap the afternoon before everyone was getting together at their bar, but Lorelei woke up from a sex dream, needy as all hell. She looked over to her loving boyfriend, sleeping so soundly and could not bare to wake him. The gentle giant, all 6’2 of him, was curled up under a fluffy white blanket looking downright angelic. Lorelei absolutely adored this, being able to watch him sleep… He worked so hard, he deserved it. He did so much for his family. It was nice to watch him rest.

But right now she needed a dick inside her, so she grabbed a dildo and vibrator from her bedside drawer, avoiding the gun she still kept inside, and tried her best not to wake Will.

That did not work, and neither did the attempt at an orgasm with her giant belly in the way.

When she groans in frustration, she hears Will chuckle next to her, and she turns to see a shirtless Will smiling at her.

 Over the last 2 months, Will had become comfortable being shirtless around Lorelei, but she noticed he still avoided situations where his bare back was to her if he could help it. In respect, Lorelei turned away whenever it was unavoidable, and she never touched him there. Will had explained what happened, how his dad would whip him so badly he’d have to miss school, bedridden while his mom tended to his wounds. Talking about the beatings he endured were hard, but he spoke almost mechanically, relaying the details. What was hard for him, where he choked up, was talking about his mom. Will loved him mom, he never blamed her outwardly… but there was a layer of betrayal in his voice at the idea that she never took him and Ben away, that Will was left to be the sole protector of his brother he was only 2 years older than. His mom was a victim of his dads abuse too, and with therapy he understands why she couldn’t leave… but that doesn’t change the scared boy inside him wondering why he wasn’t enough for his mom to protect.

Lorelei sighed, dropping her arms to the bed with the vibrator rumbling against the mattress and a dildo sticking out of her cunt.

“Is this funny to you?”

He chuckles. “A little bit.”

“You're laughing.” Lore pouts dramatically. “I can’t get off with two sex toys and you’re laughing?”

“I’m laughing,” William begins caressing her brown skin, trailing fingers over her swelling breasts and over her large stomach. “Because you can’t go more than a few hours without needing to get filled.” His voice dropped low, reaching for the dildo and sliding it backside. Lorelei moaned, her head dropping back as he slowly fucked her with it.

“Fuck, William…” Lorelei sucks in a deep breath, letting Will take over for her. Before, if she wanted to cum constantly she usually had to take matters into her own hands, but with Will, Lore could just allow him to handle it. Usually, Lorelei preferred to be on top, she liked control in one way or another and Will had been happy to give it to her, still keeping his bits of control in ways like guiding her hips rocking over him. Sex with William was akin to a dance, both of them working together for mutual pleasure. However, lately Lorelei has had less and less energy to be on top or in any sort of control, and has acquiesced to letting Will take care of her.

“Why didn’t you wake me, baby?” Will coo’s in her ear.

Lorelei whines. “You work so hard…”

Will chuckles a little bit. “Princess, you work 40+ hours a week 8 months pregnant. I volunteer part time. You can wake me if you wanna feel something other than cheap plastic in you.”

Lorelei mutters something about it not being cheap, panting as she lays there getting fucked. “You volunteer, you help the farm, you’re dealing with Ben and have been driving Laci around-”

 Santi was doing some consulting lately. With Laci and Frankie working and Ben and Will having their own personal lives busy, he’d confessed to being lonely, and was trying to keep busy. Not that he’d ever tell Laci that, god no. He didn’t want her to feel like she had to stay home. The 30 hour weeks were working for her. Laci can’t drive, so Will had been helping her out here and there. 

As for the farm, they had some hired help but Will was out there for long hours while Lorelei worked. He had wanted to sell the damn place, it was barely functional as it was and Mrs. Miller was getting ready to move off the property, but no buyers just yet. It was looking like harvest season was going to need to be manned by them. Ben wanted nothing to do with the farm, so he was no help. He existed in a stand of a constant buzz of alcohol anyway, and refused rehab.

Will cut her off with a kiss. “None of that matters more than my princess needing me.”

She melted into him, all her barriers were coming down with every day he continued to prove himself. She couldn’t wait to see him with Chloe… the idea of Will with a tiny baby made her think about getting pregnant intentionally. 

He’ll be a good dad. She just knew it.

That’s how she ended up on her hands and knees, coming on his cock 3 times and he was still going. 

“Fuck!” He grumbled, pulling out of her and sighing, but no orgasm. Will was suddenly avoidant, scooching off the side of the bed to get dressed.

“Will?” Lorelei asked, initially reaching for him, but remembering not to touch his back. She excited the other side of the bed to walk around in full view of him so no moved were sudden. There was no part of Lorelei that thought Will would hurt her. He hadn’t had flashbacks for years. But, she still was conscious of things that may trigger or discomfort him.

“Okay if I wrap us up?” She asked, stark naked but holding a blanket. Will nods, and she joins him at the end of the bed where she wraps and blanket around them both. “You okay?”

Will nods, eyes closed as he’s doing his breathing. His dick was softening, and it made Lorelei sad to know he was struggling. After the ball, Lorelei went with Will to his therapy appointment. Will only went once a month now. He signed up after the fated mission that lead them to rescuing Laci. Ben had been shot, leading to some poor behavior on Will’s part in his treatment towards Laci in the beginning, residual feelings about protecting his baby brother despite Ben’s capabilities as a soldier. He didn’t like how he was acting, so he was the first to go to therapy. Frankie came later after some encouragement from Laci, who is still in weekly therapy. 

Will addressed his issues quickly being the efficient and intuitive person he was. Straight to the point. He was going once a month, but had bumped it up to twice and was seeing a psych at Lorelei’s request. Part of it was because of his new diagnosis, but also because of the continued stress of Ben. Ben refused to get help for his eating, insisting there wasn’t a problem and just became more secretive. He wasn’t himself. Over the last few months, in addition to Laci’s mood swings, Ben had become far from the man who knew before Will. Gone was the ray of sunshine that beamed at her even beaten and bloodied from a bar fight. Ben wasn’t himself. 

He didn’t smile much anymore, barely laughed… she missed him loud, booming laughter. He never sang. She used to always know when he was in her hospital because he would sing as nurses wheeled him down halls or while trying to hit on them, respectfully, of course. He so clearly avoided Laci and sometimes straight up ignored her when she talked to him. This was because Alice hated her and accused Ben of cheating with his former best friend. It broke Loreilei’s heart to see Ben and Laci so sad and so distant. He was still her best man, Laci refused to back down from that, even when Santi suggested he be a bride’s man and Jana take over as maid of honor. They weren’t doing bachelorettes or anything like that, but Santi thought she might want someone next to her that-

He didn’t get to finish the sentence, Laci cut him off and it ended in a fight. Laci refused to give up on him, even if he abandoned her.

So, all this was naturally putting a lot of stress on Will. Only reprieve he had was when Frankie came over to watch sports. Frankie and Jana were thriving.

Will was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive disorder, and was placed on a high dosage of prozac that was being tapered up. It wasn’t easy on him at all, but he took it with stride, know the adjustment period was the hardest, saying Laci had mentioned last year struggling to find the right medications.

Right now, however, what drove him crazy was that sometimes, the medicine prohibited orgasms.

“You feeling okay?” Lorelei asked when he calmed down and opened his eyes. 

Will sighs. “Yeah, yeah, I guess.” He kisses her head. “Let’s get dressed.”

Lorelei watches as he gets up averting her eyes from his back and instead admiring his ass and the way it’s plumped just a bit.

“It’s fucking annoying.” He muttered, turned away from her. He talks better about his feelings when looking away. Even in therapy, she noticed he doesn’t look at his therapist.

She knew he was referring to being unable to orgasm. “I know, but it’s gotten better, hasn’t it? It’s only once in a while now. I don’t mean that to invalidate-”

Will turns around with a soft smile. “I know, Lore. You mean it’s better than it was when I started.”

She nods, relieved. She’s not used to comforting, but she’s doing her best for him. After he dresses, and he sees her still watching him with a hungry gaze, he throws an old shirt at her, knowing damn well she won’t be caught outside their home in that. “Get dressed, baby. We can go for round 4 after drinks.”

*

Laci was glowing. Her wedding only 2 weeks away, both her and Santi were laughing and smiling at the table looking ever-in love. Lorelei liked seeing them like this. Will and Lorelei walked in the same time as Jana and Frankie, and Will held the door open for all three of them (Frankie did a little curtsy and thanked Will in his ‘playing barbies with Rosie’ voice).

Jana was already begging Laci to tell her what the big meeting was, an edge of anxiety to her voice Will recognized and he locked eyes with Frankie. They were worried about the same thing he and Lorelei were, thinking the wedding was postponed. 

But Laci just smiled brightly, saying it was a good surprise, but she wanted Ben there. Santi locked eyes with everyone, and everyone locked eyes with everyone except Laci, knowing Laci was setting herself up for disappointment. Whatever reaction she wanted from Ben, she wouldn’t get.

“Well, he needs to hurry up, because we have an announcement too.” Jana turned to Laci and smiled.

Ben was an hour late, walking in with Alice and already looked drunk. He had bags under his eyes, his normally golden skin was pale despite the summer sun. He had gained weight, which wasn’t a bad thing but it was an sig he wasn’t going outside or to the gym. Bulimia tends to cause weight gain. This was not the Benjamin the girls knew. This Ben had been seen by Frank and Santi a few times over the years, but this was something Will was deeply and terrifyingly familiar with. This is the Benjamin their dad beat into him, the Benjamin after Cameron left, the Benjamin that was bullied so severely by people like Alice Will constantly worried for his brother’s safety. This was bad. 

Alice was with him. She was never invited, but somehow always tagged along. 

Will whispered to Frankie. “I think he’s on something, keep an eye out.”

Frankie passed it to Jana, and Jana nodded at Will. Jana and Frankie weren’t experimental with drugs, mostly weed and coke, but back in their party days they knew people on everything and were equipped, along with Lorelei, to recognize it. Laci too, having been an addict of all sorts of drugs and vices, but she had enough on her plate.

“Okay!” Laci said excitedly, bouncing in her seat as she held Santi’s hand. “Jana first!” 

Jana tried to hold off. “No, no Laci you gathered us, you go first.”

After some back and forth, Jana acquiesced and took her boyfriends hand, looking at him with a bright smile as Frankie looked at her adoringly. 

“We’re having a baby.”

The table erupted with congratulations, Laci and Santi jumping out of their chairs to hug their friends, Will and Lorelei following suit. As a shocked Laci teared up talking to Jana, Will observed Santi holding Frankie close, his hands so wrapped up and entangled in his hair that Frankie’s cap fell down. Frankie and Santi were never afraid to show each other affection, and Santi’s eyes even teared up, whispering how proud he was of his friend. 

Will joined in, hugging them both. “I’m so fucking happy for you.” Rosie’s pregnancy was an accident, a miracle that happened in a bad time and gave Will his little niece he loved so much, but this was something happening that showed how far both of them had come. Frankie and Jana were sober and the leather cusp Frankie wore on his wrist, a gift from Laci, hid the scars of how close Frankie came to not making it to this point. Look how much he had to live for.

Ben congratulated them sincerely, even Alice smiled and said congratulations, but Ben’s eyes were not bright and excited like when they announced Jana was pregnant with Rosie. The light was gone. Ben knew as well as the others how hard Frankie worked to get sober for his family, and it made Will want to cry to see him this dead inside. The Benny he knew would be whooping and cheering and announcing to the entire bar.

When everyone settled, Jana turned to Laci. “Okay sweets, what's your announcement?”

Laci and Santi immediately turned to each other, hesitating, then to the group

“Um… we can tell you guys another time, we don’t wanna hijack your announcement.

Frankie told them it was nonsense, that this was their get together and they were happy to share excitement with their friends. 

After some deliberation, Laci took a deep breath.

“I’m pregnant.” She says softly, but the giddiness radiating off her body. 

Jana whipped towards her, mouth agape. “What?!?!”

Santi pulls Laci’s whole chair closer so he can cuddle Laci up next to him. He looked as happy as someone can possibly be, like he was floating on air. He turned to Laci, placing a hand on her stomach. “Mi chica perfecta, having baby…” He kissed her forehead and held her as Will, Lorelei, Jana and Frankie got up to hug the couple. The whole time, being flooded with kind words, Laci’s eyes were locked on Ben’s who was stared at her, sad and blank faced.

Alice elbowed him. “Say something, you fucking asshole.”

Ben jumped, but mumbled a congratulations.

Jana was so excited to be pregnant at the same time as her friend. She expressed how amazing it was to have three of them pregnant at once, how the kids would all be friends.

As everyone settled again, Santi spoke again. “There’s one more thing, we um… we know what we’re having…” He said, smiling widely. Will had never seen Santi like this before Laci. Everyone likes to talk about what Santi’s done for Laci, taking a physically, sexually, and emotionally broken down woman and loving her for all her broken pieces, building her up to the person she is now, a woman who still has hardships but is joyful, strong, and empathetic. Thing is, the change in Santi is evident. He’s no longer a ball of anger and anxiety, no longer alone and depressed after his sister and mothers death. He’s content, excited for his future with his girl by his side and now a baby. Laci brought him peace he never knew he could have.

Lorelei spoke. “How… how is that possible?” She glanced at Laci’s stomach. She’d gained weight the last few months, but everyone just assumed it was the weight she was supposed to be putting on to be healthy anyway. They planned to try for a baby as soon as they were married, so Laci wanted to be at a healthy weight… it seemed her heavier eating had a different cause.

Laci explained. “We just had the appointment two days ago, we’re” She looked up to Santiago, eyes sparkling. “We’re having a boy.”

“Holy shit, Lace…” Frankie mutters, smiling. “That’s amazing guys. You got a name picked out yet?”

“Not totally.” Laci sighs. “We had one for a girl. We liked Juliette Josephina”

"Juliette is French,  Josephina is Spanish.” Santi adds.

“But we can’t figure out a boy's name.”

Santiago explains that the middle name is going to Antonio, after Laci’s late brother, Antoni. “So we just need a first name. Something, Antonio, Garcia.”

The shift in Laci’s body language and facial expression was clear. She looked confused, and Will heard Lore whisper, “Oh no.”

Santi was obvious to the shift until Laci turned to look up at him. “Garcia?”

He paused at that, looking at his fiance. “Yeah… Garcia. That’s my last name, munequita.” He jokes and gently nudges her, but Laci looks irritated, scooting away. Will caught Frankie’s eyes.

“I’m the last of my family’s name, baby. I don’t want it to die with me.”

Santi looked more confused, but also there was a slight edge to his voice. “Well, if you remember, I’m the last of my family too.” That was a mistake. Laci always remembered Santi’s dead family the same she did hers. The glare on Laci’s face showed she took that personal, but Santi didn’t stop. “They won’t even let us put a different last name than ours on his birth certificate, so I don’t really know what you’re talking about.”

Laci looked confused again, but when Lorelei sucked in a breath, Will turned to her for clarification while the couple had a stare-down.

Lorelei whispered. “I think Santi thought she was taking his last name…”

Oh fucking hell.

When the realization hit Laci, it showed on her face like all her emotions did. “I’m not taking your last name, Santiago...”

Everyone heard Jana groan and flop her head on the table. “Man, I wish I could drink.”

This time, Lorelei turned to Will, confused. Will clarifies. “She only calls him by his full name if she’s mad, or really um… frisky. So unless they are about to go to the unisex bathroom, it’s gonna be a long night.”

Ben stood up. “I’m getting drinks. Anyone else here suddenly pregnant or do you guys want a round?”

“The last thing you need is another drink” Alice chastizes, making Laci turn away from her brewing fight.

Laci. “Another? Ben, are you already drunk?”

Alice. “Mind your business.”

Santi. “Hey! Don’t talk to her like that!”

Ben. “Oh my god, shut the hell up, Garcia. Go figure why your fiance doesn’t want to marry you so badly she doesn’t want you last name.”

Frankie. “Ben!” But Ben was already walking to flag down a bartender, stumbling. Will began to stand, but Lorelei pulled him back. 

Santi turned to Laci, a sad, dejected look on his face. “You don’t want to marry me?”

Jana. “Don’t listen to Ben, Santito, he doesn’t know shit.”

Alice huffs.

Laci. “Of course I want to marry you! You’re the love of my life and the father of my son, I adore you, but Santiago, how could you just assume I’d take your name?”

Santi. “Because! Well… uh- well because-”

Laci. “Because I’m a woman and you’re a man? Santiago, you’ve never forced me into gender rolls-”

Santi. “Please stop calling me that.”

Laci. “You don’t listen to me!”

Santi took her hands, pulling her close with a desperate look in his eyes. He speaks quietly. “Lace, baby, I know you’re going through something right now, and the pregnancy has a lot of hormones-”

For the third time, Will and Frankie looked at each other. Rookie mistake.

Laci was not thrilled, called out Santi’s invalidating words and the couple continued going back and forth. Alice got up and joined Ben at the bar doing shots while the two couples left sat and relative quiet and drank their water and ate their food.

When Ben came back, him and Alice were drunk, handing out shots to Will, Frankie and Santi.

Frankie frowned. “Ben, you know I don’t drink.”

“Oh, right.” The blonde boy laughed, as if alcoholism didn’t nearly kill both of them. Ben grabbed the shot and took it before Frankie could stop him. Santi took his shot, and Will slid his to Santi.

Ben turned to Will, defensive. “What’s your problem?”

“I’m just not drinking is all.”

“Got something to do with the fact you have the same pills as Laci in your bathroom?”

A hush fell over the room, everyone turning to Will. They weren’t supposed to find out about that. 

“Will?” Laci’s small voice spoke through the surrounding voices of the bar. “Are you on prozac?”

Will sighs, but he feels Lorelei’s hand on his, and she whispers that he doesn’t have to talk about it. He knows if he doesn’t want to, she’d help change the subject or make an exit. But he decides he wants to. Laci, Jana and Frankie are so open about their struggles, he could open up just a little.

“I was diagnosed with Obsssive Compulsive Disorder recently and I started medication for it, and I’m back in therapy more regularly.” He spoke calmly, smooth. “It’s really not a big deal, I’m managing it, and Lore.” Will smiles at her fondly. “Is helping me.”

Ben watched him as he talked, still very drunk. “Well I guess this explains a lot.”

“Yeah, it really does. And it’s been nice getting help.”

“Why are you on prozac though? Isn’t it an anti-depressant” He asks.

“Prozac helps with OCD too”

“Doesn’t it, like... Kill your sex drive.”

Frankie smacks his palm to his face and Will sighs again.

“I’m not talking about this with you, especially not here.”

“Hey!” Ben raised his hands defensively. “Don’t get mad at me because you need pills”

Will rolls his eyes. “You literally are supposed to be on adderall”

Lorelei claps her hands together, attempting to change the subject. “Jana, Laci, how many weeks are you two then?”

Jana took the opportunity to distract the brothers. “I’m 10 weeks.” She turned to Laci. “Did you guys did the blood test to find out the sex earlier?”

Laci shook her head, smiling a bit again although avoidant of Santi’s touch. “Um… no, I’m actually 20 weeks.”

Everyone turned to gape at her. “Lace! Shit, how the hell did you hide it?” Jana looked at her stomach. She had a little bit of a stomach, but nothing that screamed pregnant.

Laci’s face fell. “Um… Well he’s um… we think he’s kinda small…” The pink in her cheeks deepens.

Alice speaks. “Are you not eating?”

“No! Of course I am! It’s just hard-”

“How is it hard, just eat-”

Santi sits up at that, defending his fiance. “Laci is doing everything possible to take care of our son. We got plenty of medical professionals, so we don’t need your input.”

Laci smiles at him again, then she gets more serious as she speaks quietly. “We wanted to keep it a secret as long as we could. I was cleared to try for a baby medically, but um… well…” She shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Santi whispers that she doesn’t have to explain anything, but Laci wants to. “I miscarried… before.” She emphasized the before, and Will understood it was in captivity. Santi extended a hand, and Laci took it this time. “So we wanted to wait. But everything looked good at the last ultrasound, just small. But the doctor said there was no need to worry.”

Will saw Santi squeeze Laci’s hand, and smiled. No matter the what, Santi had her back. “How long have you known?”

She looked fondly at the man who’d become like an older brother to her, someone who reminded her so much of Antoni. Antoni was tall, blond and broad too. They looked nothing alike, save for the blonde hair, but Laci liked how safe she felt with her brother. She was always shy and sensitive, even as a child. Making friends was hard for her, and she was always a little strange. Antoni was her defense. No one wanted to mess with his little sister, no matter her awkwardness and occasional meltdowns.

 “A few days after the beach trip, but before the funeral. That’s why I wasn’t feeling good and left early. I was a little worried I’d played too hard at the beach.” Laci laughed a little. “Like when I fell off your shoulders.”

“I’ll be honest.” Ben said, still avoiding looking at Laci. “Until I saw Lore swimming that day, I thought pregnant women couldn’t swim.”

Will laughed as she saw Jana close her eyes, take a deep breath, and turn to him with a smile. “Pardon me, Benny boy?” She giggled.

Benny raised his hands in defense, laughing. “Hey don’t blame me! I got 2000’s bible belt sex ed!”

Lorelei poked her boyfriend. “So did Will, but he certainly knows his way around a vagina.” Oh boy, did he.

“Oh trust me.” Ben chuckles. “So do I.”

Jana looks at Ben. “Benjamin, baby, are you registered to vote?”

“Sure am!”

She turned to the girls, laughing. “This is why we gotta vote, ladies! Men will know absolutely nothing about women’s bodies and then make choices on our reproductive rights!”

“Don’t look at me! I voted blue!”

But Will saw right away this was not something Alice knew. She turned to him. “You vote democrat?”

Ben’s face fell. Instantly he looked panicked. “Well… I mean the last election… 2020 was a weird time…” He seemed to try to backtrack. Will watched carefully, trying to focus on Lorelei’s hand squeezing him in time. He counted the squeezes of her hand to calm himself, trying to not butt in right away. Part of Will’s therapy was learning he didn’t have to carry everything on his shoulders, and he didn’t have to step in for every little squabble within his family. 

However, if Jana had one flaw, and she had very few, it would be an inability to backdown. She spoke to Alice, serious now. “Are you telling me you vote republican?”

Alice scoffed. “Yeah, me and most of the state of Florida. What, you thought I was some blue haired liberal? Unlike you, I got a real degree and didn’t walk out of college brainwashed.” She glared at Jana, and Frankie sat up. He wouldn’t insert himself where Jana didn’t want him, but if Alice disrespected her, he’d stand by his woman.

Jana laughed out loud, a short, clipped laugh that made Santi cringe. He’d been on the other end of that laugh before, and it was never good. “A real degree?”

“Yeah.” Jana challenged. “A real degree. Not some gender studies bullshit.”

“OOOHH! That’s what it is! You’re mad I have a bachelors in Women and Gender studies. Well, even if it wasn’t a real degree, which it is, I have a masters and am working on a doctorate.”

“Yeah, a doctorate program you flunked out of because you’re a crackhead!”

“HEY!” Frankie barked. “Don’t fucking talk to her like that!”

But Alice ignored him. “Where’s your daughter, Jana? How often do you see her?” She continued to talk despite Frankie and Santi telling her to shut the fuck up. Santi wouldn’t stand by anyone talking shit about Jana, especially her mothering of his goddaughter. “You’re perfectly happy to leave your child all day to work and leave her at a fucking day or have her father babysit him while you try to girlboss your way through the corporate ladder.”

“Corporate ladder?” Jana gawks. “I work at a non-profit! Don’t fucking dare act like I’m some cold hearted corporate woman in a hallmark movie spending hours in an office over time with my family when I am trying to help homeless youth-”

“You're spreading an agenda!”

There was silence, a deadly calm as Jana processed what she said, eyebrows raised. “An… agenda… are you saying what I think you’re saying…”

Will took more breaths. Lorelei asked him if he needed to step out but he said no. He was being quiet for now, but he loved Jana with his whole heart and would stand by her too. He looked to Ben, hoping he’d fucking say something, hoping he’d choose Jana who he’s know for years, whose daughter he’s helped raise, who’d do fucking anything for him above Alice, but he knew it was futile. If he let Alice pull him away from Laci, from him, she had him completely.

Alice didn’t look at anyone other than Jana. “Yeah, the gay agenda. Homeless gay teens don’t need a shelter and hormones, they need to be sent home!”

“TO PARENTS THAT KICKED THEM OUT!”

“Parents have rights! I know the left likes to force being gay and trans on kids-”

“HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT WHEN YOU’RE DATING BEN!”

Everything was quiet, and Will felt like the life had been sucked out of the room. His chest tightened when the look on Alice’s face revealed what Will had wondered. 

Alice doesn’t know.

She looked confused. “Ben… isn’t gay…”

Jana, caught up in her anger didn’t catch up, even as Frankie whispered her name. “Yeah, okay, he’s bi, same difference but-”

Jana was irrelevant now, turning to face a wide-eyed Ben. “Benny, what the fuck is she talking about.”

Will didn’t know what was going on, what was happening, but he recognized something in Ben. Fear. “Ben, hey, let’s step out-” He stood, wanting to separate Ben from what was happening, but Ben shrugged him off.

“Fuck off! I’m not gay! Or bi, or- or any of that!”

A tiny voice whispered sadly. “Benny…” Laci’s eyes filled with sadness, a sadness Will felt in his own chest as he watched his brother crawl back into the closet after only just being out.

Then, Jana realized what she did, gasping and covering her mouth. Frankie put a reassuring hand on her thigh, but watched the scene unfold in front of him. Jana didn’t mean to out Ben, she had assumed Alice knew.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Ben?” Alice spat, disgust in her voice as she looked him over.

“Baby, no, it’s not like that! It was, I went through a phase...”

Laci looked desperately at the man who used to be her best friend, not understand how he could want to be with someone who didn’t love him as he was… but somehow, she also got it. Before Santi, Lacina was so desperate for love, for affection, she took it wherever she could find it, even if that came with drugs and abuse and living on streets sometimes. It didn’t matter to her. She took the love she thought she deserved. Now, now she knows she deserves nothing less than Santi, in all his adoration. How could Ben not understand he deserved so much more than Alice? He deserved to be loved wholly and completely

“Benny, stop” She said, tearing up.

But Ben snapped at her. “Stay the fuck out of this!” He yelled with a glare, and winced as Santiago stood up quickly out of his chair. 

“Apoligize to her, you fucking dickhe-”

“Santi STOP!” Laci yelled, crying, then turning back to Benny even as her body was shaking with anxiety. She was going to get her words out, even if she had to sign them. Benny was the one who taught her and Santi, after all. “Benny, don’t do this-”

“Laci, just stop talking-”

“I don’t understand! I don’t understand why you let her talk to you like this, why you let her do this to you! You used to be my best friend and now you don’t even talk you me! How are you supposed to be my best man when we havn’t spoken in months!”

“Maybe I don’t want to be in your fucking wedding!”

Around them every person in her group had something to say to Ben: Will, Lorelei, Santi, Jana, Frankie, but Laci only saw Ben, the anger in him as her broke her heart.

“I WANTED YOU TO BE MY SON’S GODFATHER, BEN! I WANTED YOU TO BE THERE AS HE GOT BAPTIZED!”

Santi was momentarily distracted, looking at her confused. “Baptized?”

But Laci and Ben ignored him. “Well I don’t! And I don’t want to fucking talk to you!” Ben got up, nearly falling over as he stormed away. Will tried to follow after him, but Ben shouted at him to go away. Alice followed after.

Laci was shaking. Jana looked guilt stricken as she covered her face with her hands, taking deep breaths as Frankie soothed her, telling her she’s an amazing mom and doing amazing work. Lorelei stood by Will, holding his hands and guiding him through breathing exercises. Santi was knelt at Laci’s side, holding her as she cried. 

“You did amazing, munequita, I’m so proud of you.”

After a few moments, her body tensed, moving away from him. When Santi sensed she didn’t want her touch, he let go.

“I want our baby baptized, Santi. We’re baptizing him.” She mutters, sounding angry.

Santi blinked at her. “I- baby, can we talk about this?”

“What’s there to talk about? We were both raised catholic.” She was avoidant, not looking at him or anyone, just staring at the floor, frowning. It was so strange for Will to see her like this, for her to be so closed off and angry as Santi attempted to communicate calmly. Santi is not known to be level headed in these situations. 

Santi took a breath, considering his words carefully as he tried to open up dialoge. “Lacina, you know, you know I would do anything for you-”

“So let me have this!”

He blinked at her yelling, clearly hurt, but he and Laci had always communicated before and he didn’t want to stop now. “But you can’t just make these choices for our son without asking me. We don’t go to church, Lace. I’m not saying we can’t baptize him, if it’s important to you of course we can but… But Lace, that’s something we need to decide together.”

Suddenly, she turned to her fiance, glaring at him. “I don’t need to ask your permission about my baby, Santiago!” She spat as she stood up, and Santiago stood with her.

Despite his hurt, he spoke calmly towards her. Santi never raised his voice to her. “Our baby, Laci. Our baby.”

“Whatever.” Laci shook her head, walking away. “I’m going to the bathroom.”

Santi began to walk after her, knowing she can’t be alone in public, but to his surprise she shouted at him to leave her alone.

*

Laci’s face burned with embarrassment and tears as she tried to avoid eye contact with people in the bar. She was radiating anger, and right now it was directed at Santi but she knew that’s just because he was the easier target. It’s easier than admitting how badly Benny hurt her. He was her best friend, he was the first person she spoke to when the others rescued her and the first person to treat her normal. While the others talked to her like a scared wet cat, he would come over and put on Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Santi tried to put on the show recently, knowing how much she missed watching it with him, but it just made Laci cry.

She missed him, and she hated the person she’d become recently. She was angry, all the time and she took it out on Santi… her loving, wonderful fiance. Maybe she was wrong, maybe she didn’t deserve him. Maybe she deserved what she had gotten before, the love that hit her, got her addicted, sold her. Santi deserved better.

As she passed a hallway, she heard Ben’s voice and couldn’t help but look up. What she saw… it made a lot of things clear. 

Alice and Ben were arguing, but that wasn’t unusual. What struck her, what compelled her to keep watching was how scared he looked. And then it happened.

Alice threw a punch, and right away Laci knew it wasn’t the first time. He barely reacted. Instead, Ben just stood there, letting him hit her. Despite everything she endured, despite her PTSD, her fear, despite the height Alice had on her and the violence she wasn’t afraid to enact on someone over a foot taller than Laci was, Laci did not hesitate. She ran up to them, placing herself in front of Ben to block him from Alice’s blows.

Alice looked enraged, and Laci felt Ben’s arm on her trying to move her away. “Lace, please, go.”

“No!” She turned slightly to bed to see his saddened and worried face, desperate to get her away from Alice, but she didn’t budge.

Alice glared at the small woman. “Mind your business!”

“He is my business! I don’t care how much he hates me, he’s still my friend and you don’t get to hurt him!”

“Oh yeah, your friend.” Alice said, disbelievingly. 

“Yes, Alice, my friend! I don’t want him! He and I had a whole year before you showed up, months before I was dating Santi for us to date if we wanted to but we don’t! I don’t want him like that! I’m engaged to a wonderful man and I had hoped that Ben would find someone to be happy with but instead it’s YOU.”

Alice crossed her arms. “Maybe it’s not you I need to be worried about, maybe it’s Santi.”

Laci felt more confused than ever. “You are so insecure! Santi is his friend!”

Ben saw it coming before Laci did and tried to move her out of the way. It wasn’t fast enough, and between Ben moving her and Alice’s swing, Laci was knocked to the ground.

*

Santi went to follow her after a few minutes, just in case she ran into trouble again in the halls. She was angry, and she hurt his feelings, but he worried she’d calm down and become afraid. He never wanted her to feel afraid, never again. He just wanted to talk to her, he wanted to sit down and talk without it becoming a fight. The baptism wasn’t the issue. Of course he’d agree to that. Hell, they could go to mass every week and begin practicing if that’s what she wanted. He knew she still prayed sometimes. Whatever she wanted was hers, he always said that… and maybe that’s where he should have communicated.

 It wasn’t that his priorities changed when she told him she was pregnant, it was that they grew. Laci had been his number one for a year and half, everything was for her. Next came Frankie, then the rest of his family: Jana, Ben, Will, Rosie, in no order. Now, however, he had his son to think of, and Laci and him couldn’t make choices on their own, not regarding him. It had to be a family choice.

Santi didn’t see it happen very clearly. He barely saw it at all. All he knew was Ben moved, and now Laci was on the floor with a bloody lip. Santi was triggered back to that day so long ago the day he found her tied up in a basement with that cut on her forehead, bleeding. Now she was bleeding again, because he didn’t protect her. He saw red.

“YOU’RE A FUCKING DEADMAN, MILLER!”

*

Lorelei was just behind him. She told Will to sit there with Frankie and Jana and she’d check in on everyone else, knowing Will needed to calm down. When she heard Santi’s threat, it didn’t matter what had happened, she knew she had to get between Santi and the man who she knew was her future brother-in-law.

Before Santiago could swing, all 5’3 of Lorelei stood between the two men, Santi’s fist pulled back.

“Lorelei, move, now.” He said, fury in his voice indicating he was just barely holding on to his restraint. 

“No! You need to cool down, Garcia!” She’d faced down Santi once before, stared at the barrel of his gun. She wasn’t afraid of his fist. She didn’t think Santi would hurt her, but she’d heard and seen what he had done to people who’ve harmed Laci before. She wasn’t sure if she was enough to stop that explosion.

“MOVE!”

“Or what!? You’ll hit a pregnant woman?” Lorelei challenged.

Santi scoffed at that in disgust. “No! I’m not Ben”

That took Lorelei by surprise and she looked to Laci. The girl was frozen, clearly compartmentalizing as she sat on the floor, her pink dress staining with blood dripping from her mouth. If Ben did that to the poor girl half his size, Lorelei was going to beat his ass herself. But she’d broken up enough ER fights to know that one cannot simply go off the word of one person. Ben, however, was not denying anything as Alice stood behind him.

“I’m not moving until you calm the fuck-”

Before she had a chance to stop it, she heard Jana yell a warning to Santi but it was too late. Will yanked Santi back and threw him against the wall, wrapping his hands around his neck. He wasn’t choking him, but he easily could.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!” He bellowed, loud and angry.

Santi didn’t back down, even knowing what Will was capable of and that he used to have blackouts.

“Ben hit Laci!”

Will turned to see Laci, Jana knelt beside her, holding her comfortably while Frankie stayed close to them both in the chaos, and anger at his brother surged, but that wasn’t the point. Santi was not the arbitrator of justice, not to Ben and certainly not to Lorelei.

“How FUCKING DARE YOU raise your hand to her!” His fist tightened, just a bit. 

“I WASN’T GOING TO HIT LORELEI! Jesus! I’m gonna beat Ben’s ass, and yours if you don’t move!”

Frankie walked to them, trying to pull Will away. He recognized that white-hot anger, and he sympathized with both of them. If someone put their hands on or raised a fist to Jana, he’d feel the same. But someone needed to be the voice of reason before they killed each other.

“You’re not beating anyone’s ass, Pope, and you fucking know it.” He placed a hand on his shoulder. “Will could fucking fold you.”

“HE HIT HER!” 

“William.” Lorelei spoke softly, her hands sliding over Will’s. The backs of her fingers were on Santi’s neck and she could feel his rapid pulse. “William, baby, you need to let him go.”

Will took a breath. “But he-”

“I know, baby. I know. But he didn’t touch me, and you know damn well he wasn’t going too.”

Loosening his gasp, Santi started to say something but Lorelei shushed him. “You understand where he’s coming from, right? His pregnant fiance is bleeding, you understand why he’s so angry.”

He did. He got it. It’s the ame anger he felt when he saw Santi’s fist raised to Lore, but she was right. He was never going to hit her, and certainly not 8 months pregnant. Santi wasn’t like that. He let go, still fuming, but also confused. Benny had been a prick lately, a fucking dumbass, but he’d never been the type to hit a woman. Every bar fight he was in was with men. 

Ben protected women. Benny loved Laci, he knew he did. Why would he hurt her? Laci was scared silent, going nonverbal from the shock and barely looked like she was mentally here. She looked at the floor, eyes glassy as she sat on Jana’s lap. Jana held her tightly, giving her the pressure she needed to hopefully prevent a panic attack. Hell, Will might kill Ben himself. 

When he let go and stepped back, he saw Santi make a move to go at Ben again who ws stand silently to the side, but Frankie’s hand on his chest held him in place.

“You got nothing to say, Ben?!” He shouted, the words echoing off the walls of the short hall. “You fucking coward! So miserable in your own life you take it out on someone whose loved you un-fucking-conditionally despite everything! FUCK YOU!”

Jana spoke from where she held Laci tightly. The blonde girl was in shock, no even crying like she normally does. “Santi!” She called him to look down. “Your girl needs you.” 

When Santi turned and saw his precious fiance on the floor, bleeding, his heart broke. He needed to take her to the hospital, he needed to take care of her. Laci didn’t want Benny hurt. Laci’s defended Ben to him before, she loves him. That’s not what she wants. Right now, he recognized the look in her eyes… She needed him to be present.

Santi pushed past Frankie’s hold and knelt down beside her, his touch careful on her hands and his soft. “Hey, Miss Lacina.” He said with a gentle smile. “It’s just me, Santi. I’m gonna take you to the hospital, okay?”

She gave the tiniest nod, so he continued. “I’m gonna pick you up, and I’m gonna be very, very careful. Does anything hurt?”

She signed ‘my face’

He nodded. “Yeah, I Bet it does, princess.”

Santi scoops her up in his strong arms, Jana rescinding her responsibly into capable hands. Laci wrapped her arms around his neck and legs around his middle, dissociating but knowing him. She trusted in his voice, his smell, his touch even when she knew nothing else. Next, Frankie bent down and slung an arm around Jana’s middle to help her up. 

Santi turned to give one final word to Ben, holding Laci up under her bottom and pointing his non dominant hand at Ben. “Don’t come to the wedding, and don’t you ever come near my wife and child again.”

“Santi.” Frankie nudged Santi along, arm still around Jana. Frankie shot one last look back to Ben, worried, and left with the others. Now, Lorelei couldn’t understand sign language outside of some basics she’d learned, but she could recognize it. It was subtle, like she was whispering to Ben. Lorelei saw Ben nod, and then she was gone.

The two couples were left, Lorelei kept holding Will’s hand, knowing he needed it as he turned around to face Ben, angry. He’d protect Ben from Santiago, but she knew he was damn pissed about him hurting Laci.

“What. The fuck. Was that.” Will seethed at his younger brother.

Alice looked up at Ben and mouthed something to him that Will and Lorelei couldn’t read. 

Ben hesitated, but looked rapidly between Lorelei and Will before becoming avoidant. “Nothing.” He muttered and tried to walk away.

“No!” Will held out a hand, stopping him. “Did you hit her?! Did you actually knock a pregrant women, Laci of all fucking people, to the fucking floor? Jesus Ben! We thought you were better than that!”

Grabbing Alice’s hand, he shoved past Will. “Fuck off.”

“THIS WHAT YOU WANT, BEN? TO HURT WOMEN?” Will shouted, starting after him, but Lorelei held him back. “YOU WANNA BE DAD, NOW?”

Lorelei watched Ben and Alice leave, but somehow, she couldn’t believe this was the full story. Ben was not like that. Her intuition said something was wrong.

*

It was a few hours later. Lorelei and Will were up watching I love Lucy, Lore between Will’s legs on the couch. Despite being horny as hell, Lorelei could read a room and did not initiate. So, she simply laid with him and tried not to squirm. It was, frankly, hot seeing Will defend her like that, knowing that he’d do anything for her and Chloe. Seeing his throw Santi up against the wall for even looking like he might hurt her… goddamn…

“You're horny, aren’t you?” His voice interrupted her thoughts.

“Goddamn it. Am I that predictable?”

He chuckles. It was nice to hear him laugh after tonight. “A little. But mostly, it was kinda hot watching you stand up to Santi like that. Remember the day you first met him?” 

“How could I forget.” She can feel him laugh, then he sighs.

“I’m supposed to be in his wedding in two weeks. I don’t know how we get past that.”

“He told Ben to stay away, not you.”

“But I almost choked him out Lore…” Will groaned, feeling ashamed of his actions. 

“You did it to protect me and Ben, Santi will understand. And he was doing what he did to defend Laci. I think you both can understand each other.”

A brief pause. “I just can’t believe he did that… To Laci of all people, christ, that girls been through enough.”

“Yeah… and god damn, that whole part before?” She shook her head. “Shit show. Bet Jana feels awful.”

“She didn’t mean to. Ben’s been out for a while, a last to everyone except our family. She just assumed his long term girlfriend would know.”

Lorelei flopped her head back on Will’s chest. “Watching him walk himself back into the closet… that was hard to watch.”

“Don’t I know it…”

She turned to look up at him. “You doing okay, baby? As good as you can?”

He sighed “Yeah… looks like the meds are working, at least a little.” Will kissed her temple, his hands slowly started to caress her sensitive breasts.

“Mmmmmmm” She moaned, but made her best attempt at making him not feel like has too. “We don’t gotta do nothing just because I’m horny, babe. You had a bad night.”

Will kissed her neck. “Just wanna give you one on my fingers. Get my mind off things.”

Lorelei smiled. She wasn’t going to protest if he really wanted too. “Okay.” She relaxed into him as he slid his hands into her pj pants.

It was just started to get good when his phone rang, and she groaned.

“I’m gonna ignore it.” He promised, but the strain in his voice told her he wanted to answer.

“Go ahead, answer it. We can pick up later.” She pulled his hands out of his pants. It could be a number of people, including but not limited to the girl who took a fall in her second trimester and had to go to the ER. Lorelei remembered how scary that was for her when she fell.

Will pulled his hand out of her pants, still wet with her slick and grabbed his phone.

It was Santi. He sighed. He wanted to start with ‘what the fuck do you want’ but there was a more important issue. “How’s Laci and the baby?”

‘Their fine. Laci’s um… startled. Isn’t talking yet. But they are fine. She’s sleeping right now. She was… she was able to sign, though and… well she explained what happened. Ben tell you anything?’

Will looked to Lorelei who was listening in. “No, he just um… walked away.”

They could both hear him sigh loudly over the phone. ‘Listen man, we gotta talk.’

****************

:((((((((((((((((( BENNNYYYYYYYYYY

Tell me all your thoughts! Santi and laci fighting, jana and alice, etc etc etc

Laci is largely meant to be in the wrong here, but she’s spent a lot of chapters of several series being “perfect” and now she’s going through this plus pregnancy, Alice’s bullying and losing Ben, she’s not acting like herself.

And Ben…. Oh Ben.

I started cry writing Ben and laci fighting, Ben putting himself back in the closet broke my queer heart

@pimosworld @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @whatthefishh @missdictatorme @milkymoon2483 @poeedameronn @itspdameronthings @miraclesabound @babymills16 @rayslittlekitten @kirsteng42

[j-eryewrites]

Please Hold to My Hand

Part Four of A Sinner's Redemption

SERIES MASTER LIST | MAIN MASTER LIST

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Word Count: 11.4k

Warnings: Canon typical violence, gun violence, people, death, gore and injuries, lots of feelings, horrible jokes (that I even laughed at), language. (Let me know if I have missed anything)

Author's Note: Finally! It’s out. I’ve been writing this between classes and really haven’t had time to review the work. Piper is finally letting down some walls and so is Joel! Yay! We get some more flashbacks and of course Ellie and Piper's shenanigans. I hope you enjoy this chapter and if you liked it, I’d love to hear from you either with comments or reposts! Thanks!

Dirty. Piper felt dirty as she stood in the moldy gas station bathroom. Moss grew from the cracks in the ceiling and she was sure the black substance behing the sinks was something otherworldly. Shivering, Piper squeezed her limbs as close as she could to her body making herself as narrow as possible. Behind one of the bathroom stalls was Ellie, taking a bathroom break. 

Piper couldn’t understand how her sister could relax herself enough to use the restroom in a place like this. With the creak and slam of the bathroom stall door, Ellie appeared with a care in the world. Again, Piper shivered and took a step away from her sister as Ellie stepped in front the the broken mirror. 

“Jesus Ellie let’s go,” Piper said before turning around to face her sister. “What are you–” Piper laughed and for a moment she forgot about the disease infested place she was in. 

“Pew, pew. Pew,” Ellie whispered. In her hand was the gun Piper had given from her. 

Piper shook her head at her sister’s antics. “No, no, no. Here’s how you do it.” Stepping forward, Piper reached out a hand to grab hold of the gun, but Ellie pulled away.  

“Hey, let me do my thing,” Ellie begged. 

Rolling her eyes, Piper crossed her arms and sighed. “Well you’ll shoots someone’s eye out. At least take out the bullets.” 

“Hmm,” Ellie hummed not realizing that was an options. She turned the gun around looking for a way to remove the tiny deathly objects in the gun. 

“Here,” Piper muttered as she showed Ellie how to remove them. The young girl watched and took note of everything that her sister did. The dull metallic bullets fell out the cartridge and into Piper’s hand. “See?”

“Hmm? Oh yeah,” Ellie said and she retrieved the gun from her sister’s hand. Once again Ellie raised the gun at the mirror and put on her best menacing face. It was practice for when she actually got to shoot the weapon. In her mind, Ellie wondered if she would be as good of a shot like Piper was. 

“Can we go now?” Piper asked. Her shivers got worse and Piper began to believe she could turn infected from just standing in the bathroom any longer. 

Cocking the gun back, then shoving it deep into her backpack, Ellie nodded and the two girls trudged through the mess and out the doors to the fresh dry air. 

Coming around the corner, they saw Joel just as they had left him; On the ground with one knee raised as support as he blew into a long straw like thing. 

“We have to do this every hour?” Ellie sighed. 

Piper could see Joel was just as annoyed as Ellie when it came to stopping every hour. “Gas breaks down over time. This stuff’s almost water. Back in the day, we’d drive 10, 12 hours on one tank. You could go anywhere,” Joel said. 

“So,” Piper asked, “where’d you go?”

Joel looked up at the two girls. His eyes squinted underneath the bright light of the summer sun. “Pretty much nowhere.” 

“Boring,” Piper muttered before finding a rock to kick around. 

Joel continued blowing into the big straw. 

“Nice!” Ellie leaned in close. “How does that work?”

“It’s a siphon. It’s when liquid…” Joel paused thinking about his words. “travels against gravity because pressure…”

Ellie smirked and chuckled. “You don’t know.”

“I know it works,” Joel quipped back making Ellie laugh even more. 

Once the laughter was over, the young girl soon sought other sources to still her boredom. Lifting her legs up comically into the air, Ellie began to peruse around the rusted cars that Joel was searching for gas from. 

As her eyes followed the rock on the ground as it rolled back and forth, Piper called out to Ellie. “No wandering”

With the biggest sigh she could conjure, Ellie replied. “Okay. This is your fault then.” She warned. Then dropping her backpack to the ground she pulled out a small book. Flipping it open she began to read. “It doesn’t matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.” Briefly, Ellie looked up to gage Joel’s and Piper’s reaction. Laughing, Ellie revealed the cover of the book. “No Pun Intended, Volume Too” by Will Livingston. “Volume Too.” Look. You get it? “Too”? Like, T-o-o.

“Jesus,” Joel grumbled. 

“What did the mermaid wear to her math class?” Ellie paused. “An algae bra. Like, algae bra. Okay, I stayed up all night…”

“No.” Joel tried to interrupt Ellie, stopping her from telling the next horrible joke. 

“wondering where the sun went…,” Ellie continued. “...and then it dawned on me.” 

This joke made Piper laugh. It wasn’t so much the joke, but how much Joel despised them. His face contort with each failed attempt at a joke and it made both of the young girls laugh. 

Joel sat up and glared at the two of them. “Feel free to wait in the truck.”

Piper’s eyes widened at the warning. “Going now,” She mumbled before leaving her rock on the ground for the safety of the boiling hot car. 

“Ugh, okay,” Ellie sighed. “but just know,” the young girl warned, “you can’t escape Will Livingston. He’ll be back. There’s nothing you can do to stop him.” 

As the girls hopped back into the car, Joel returned his mind back to retrieving gas. It was only a few more minutes for the dark liquid shot thorugh the hose into the gas canister and Joel was ever grateful for those few minutes of silence and solace from Will Livingston and his terrible jokes. 

꧁_____________꧂ 

Everything was the color of rust. Rust was the color of time and those forgotten and neglected, left to the mercy of nature. It was boiling and there was noting the air conditioning in the car could do. There wasn’t anything in sight except for dirt, sand, and crumbling cars. Even the normally blue sky was tinted a shade of brown. Piper felt like she was stuck in a valley of emptiness, not a living thing around. 

As the car drove further and further down the road, Piper moved her gaze away from the window and instead to the rear-view mirror. There in the mirror she saw something alive, something that kept her alive and going, Ellie. The younger girl sat lazily in the back of the truck using her bag as a head rest. Meanwhile, her hand gripped a pencil dragging it back and forth across a notebook. At least someone was entertained. 

Eventually, Piper brought her sight back onto the endless road in front of her. Cars were pilled high to the sides as if something huge parted the sea of metal carcasses. 

“Must’ve been some truck,” Piper mumbled. 

Joel glanced over the side at the girl. “Yeah, they used to stick big-ass plows on them, and clear the roads for their tanks and such.”

Piper nodded her head in response. It seemed like Ellie had tuned into the conversation, her sketch book forgotten beside her. “I wanna see a tank,” Ellie chirpped as she scanned the sea of vehicles.

“You will,” Joel assured Ellie. “Tanks, choppers, all that stuff. But they’ll fight the wrong enemy. Just scattered around now.”

Bitting the inside of her cheek Ellie pretended to listen beyond the words “You will” before changing the topic. 

“I got somethin’. Here,” Ellie passed up a small tape. Joel, curious, snatched it from her hands. “This make you all nostalgic?”

He had to pull the tape farther away from his face to read the fine print. His eyes pulled into a thin line finally making the words readable. Damn he was getting old. “This is actually before my time,” Joel corrected. 

Ellie’s smile faltered. “Great,” she mumbled. 

A strange tightening in his chest formed at the disappointment in Ellie’s voice and Joel couldn’t help but want to salvage the situation. “It’s a winner, though.” Ellie’s smile was back on her face. Upon seeing her smile, Joel placed the tape into the slot and hit play. 

♪ We met in the springtime when blossoms unfold ♪

Tapping her finger on Piper’s shoulder to the melody of the song, Ellie’s flashed with a wicked glint. Withdrawing her hand and shoving it into her bag she pulled out something new. “Oh, man. Got somethin’ else,” Ellie said. Joel and Piper mindless nodded at her words. “It’s, uh… light on the reading, but it has some interesting pictures.”

As Piper and Joel whipped around Ellie’s smirk grew. 

Gotcha! She thought.

“Oh. No, no, no. Put that back. That’s not for kids. Ellie!” Joel’s and Piper’s voices seemed to blend together as they tired to discourage Ellie from looking further. 

Playing align with the ruse, Ellie buried her face between the pages, getting a good look at the images upon them. “How would he even walk around with that thing?”

“Fuuuckkk,” Piper groaned as she placed her head between her knees.  

“Please get rid of it,” Joel begged. His hand reached back to take the magazine away from her. 

Ellie swatted his hand away. “Hold your horses. I wanna see what all the fuss is about.” She quickly perused the rest of the magazine, except for a few pages. “Why are all these pages stuck together?”

Piper gaged like she was about to throw up. 

“Uhh… the…” Joel was speechless. 

Then Ellie burst out laughing. Her head thrown back as the giggles overcame her small figure. “I’m just fuckin’ with ya.” A window rolled down. Dusty wind blew around the car. “Bye-bye, dude!” Ellie had thrown the magazine to the wind. 

♪ Alone and forsaken by fate and by man ♪ Oh Lord, if you hear me, please hold to my hand ♪ Oh, please understand ♪ Oh, where has she gone to ♪ Oh, where can she be ♪ She may have forsaken some other like me ♪ She promised to honor, to love, and obey ♪ Each vow was a plaything that she threw away ♪ The darkness is fallin’, the sky has turned gray ♪ A hound in the distance is starting to bay ♪ I wonder, I wonder what she’s thinkin’ of ♪ Forsaken, forgotten without any love ♪

꧁_____________꧂ 

The scene had changed now. It was green. There were trees and fields of grass. It was a welcomed changed to the drylands they had just drove through. The air was cooler now and the car wasn’t as hot. Piper could even imagine she was on a real roadtrip driving through the world before the outbreak. She felt normal. 

She pressed a button and the passenger window opened. A brisk air kissed Piper’s face blowing the freed stands of her hair behind her. Yet she wanted more, so she slowly pulled out the hairtie. Her scalp groaned as the pressure was released. Then came the bliss as the wind weaved between the strands of her hair massaging her scalp. Her eyes close shut opening her arms to the comfort the wind gave her. 

A shiver creeped up Joel’s shoulders and he turned his head to Piper. His mouth hung open with his forgotten wish to close the window. She seemed at peace as the music played and wind blew through her hair. She looked like what a kid like her should look like: Brow not filled with the worry of survival, hair not tied up and closed off to the world, happy, calm, and content. A thought of pity grew in Joel’s chest. This is how Piper should be living. Both her and Ellie. Afterall, they’re just kids. Kids with the future of the world on their shoulders. It was a weight they shouldn’t have, that no one should have. Joel knew that better than anyone. 

“All right,” Joel sighed. “That’s enough for today.” 

The wind release Piper’s hair from it’s hold as the window rolled back up. Rocking side to side, the truck turned away from the road into a grassy field. They were headed to the forest up ahead. A forest that would give them shelter for the long night. 

Together, they did their part to unpack and get food started for dinner. Sitting down on the ground, the three of them ate. Piper wasn’t quite sure what they were eating, but it was cold and good. The square like noodles just slide down her throat easing her stomach’s plea for food. It was delicious. 

A slurping noise came from beside her. “Jesus, Ellie. Slow down,” Piper said. 

Ellie was slouched over her bowl devouring the food. Red sauce encased the skin around her mouth. “This is slow,” She mumbled with her mouth full of food. “What am I even eating?” Ellie asked. 

Joel using his fork to point to the food inside his bowl answered. “That is 20-year-old Chef Boyardee ravioli.” His tone made the two girls think that this was the best food ever created on planet earth. 

Ellie shoved another fork full of food into her mouth. “That guy was good.”

“I actually agree,” Joel added. 

“Hmm…” Piper hummed. “How long we staying out here?”

Placing his bowl down into his lap, Joel replied. “I figure I sleep tonight… and drive tomorrow all day, all night, get us to Wyoming by next mornin’.”

Ellie sighed and rubbed her now fully belly. “So can we start a fire? I’m freezing.”

“No.” There was no hesitation in Piper’s answer. 

Ellie rolled her eyes. “Well, you’re not in charge, now are you Piper?”

“Hey, hey,” Joel interrupted and waited for the two girls attention to be on him. “Now, why am I gonna tell you no?”

Sinking into the ground with disappointment Ellie answered, her voice as monotonous as they come. “Because Infected will see the smoke.” 

Joel shook his head. “No. Fungus isn’t that smart. This is too remote for Infected, anyway.”

“People?” Ellie guessed. “So what are they gonna do? Rob us?” There was a hint of sarcasm in her voice as if being robbed was so horrible. 

It was Piper who spoke next. There was no emotion as she spoke. The peace Joel had seen her face earlier evaprotated and he could almost see the ghosts hiding behind Piper’s brown eyes. “They’ll have way more in mind than that.”

“Okay.” Joel softly said as he observed Piper. There it was again, that same tightness his chest, but he couldn’t bring himself to say anything to her. Instead he told the girls to hurry up and eat then get ready for bed. 

“Actually smells kinda good,” Ellie commented as she flung her sleeping bag out, laying it onto the ground. 

“Well, that would be Frank’s then,” Joel replied doing the same with his sleeping bag until a shuffling nearby caught his eye. “What are you doing?” Joel asked Piper. 

Her sleeping bag was still bound. Instead, she stood by the truck grabbing something from her bag. It was a gun. 

“Getting ready for watch,” Piper said. Her focus on checking her gun. 

Joel pushed himself off the ground and approached the girl. “No. We’re all sleeping.” 

Piper ignored Joel as she checked the bullets, counting them out. Joel did the only thing he thought would work. Placing his hand on the gun, her forced Piper to lower the weapon and look at him. 

“Trust me,” Joel said. “No one is gonna find us.” His voice was clear and full of comfort. It was the same voice he’d use whenever Sarah cried to him at night about the monsters in her closet. 

The teenager scoffed. “Bullshit…” Yet the longer she looked at Joel, the more she felt like letting go of that gun and letting the walls fall just this once. Her eyes fell to the ground. “jesus fuck…fine.”  

Removing his hand, Joel returned to his sleeping bag. He watched as Piper placed the gun next to her sleeping bag, which now laid out on the ground next to Ellie’s. Eventually the girl did lay down, pulling the covers over her shoulders. Satified Joel followed suit and the lamp light dimmed until it was dark. 

“Joel,” a small voice whispered. “Joel.”

Joel groaned. “What?”

“Can I ask you a serious question?” It was Ellie. 

“Ellie…” Piper warned with a tiredness in her voice. 

“I’m serious!” Ellie said. 

“Yeah,” Joel said giving her the go ahead. 

“Why did the scarecrow get an award?” 

Joel was silent for a moment before he answered. “Because he was outstanding in his field.”

A whispered wave of giggles escaped the two girls. Both of whom didn’t expect the answer. 

“You dick! Did you read this?” Ellie asked a bit louder. 

“No. Now go to sleep.” Joel commanded. 

“Hm,” Ellie mumbled before settling back down. “...Those people you said… there’s no way anyone knows we’re here, right? No one’s gonna find us.”

With those words, Joel was thrown back into his past and all he could hear was his daughter crying in the dark of her room. All sign of sleep and exhaustion evaded him now. “No one’s gonna find us.”

“Okay. Goodnight Pipes” Ellie whispered. 

“Night Els…,” Piper replied. “...night Joel.” 

꧁_____________꧂ 

There was no way Piper could ever sleep. Her sister’s words floated around her head and Piper had to be sure. Ellie had to be safe. It felt like eternity waiting to hear Joel’s breathing slow. Once the old man had fallen asleep, Piper peeled herself free from her sleeping bag. Each movement was carefully calculated to achieve the least amount of noise as possible. With her gun in hand and jacket zipped up to the top, Piper climbed on top of the truck, finding a seat on the roof of the car. 

She had to admit, the forest was beautiful at night. There was a low chirping noise rumbling throughout the trees. Crickets, Piper guessed and she prayed it wasn’t something more. After a moments, contemplation the teen concluded her original hypothesis was correct and she soon tunned her ear into the other sounds of the night. 

Piper was glad that they had the truck. It proved to be a useful vantage point. Even in the dark, Piper felt as if she could see more of the forest, than she would on the ground bringing the teen comfort. 

The girl and the woods fell into a rhythmic cycle as the minutes passed. There was the cricket’s song, the breeze tickling the trees, and her own breathing. Again, and again this cycle came. Crickets, breeze, breath. Crickets, breeze, breath Crickets, breeze, breath, shuffling. Piper froze. Her head whipped around, and her gun raised defensively. She was ready to shoot. 

“Kid?” A gruff voice spoke. It was Joel. Piper’s shoulders lowered at the sight of the man. “What are you doing?”

Piper didn’t answer for a moment. “On guard.” Not wanting any more conversation, she whirled back around, her sight on the forest once again. 

Joel stood up and his hands found their place on his hips. He looked at Piper as she sat defiantly on the truck. Her back turned to him. The sight almost made him chuckle as he saw himself reflected in her figure. Almost. Instead, a worry fell over him. She was a kid. A kid who deemed sleep just as pointless as him. Releasing his hands from his hips, Joel pinched the bridge of his nose. Piper needed to sleep, but she was stubborn. Just like him and if he guessed now, Piper wouldn’t go to sleep without a fight. 

He was too tired for this and too old to fight a headstrong teenage girl. Instead, Joel kept his mouth shut, picked up his rifle and turned his back to her, guarding the other half of the forest. 

The two held their ground in silence and the forest fell back into the rhythm again. As the pattern repeated, the more Piper felt unease. Sighing, she turned around to find Joel. 

“I’m sorry,” Piper said. She wasn’t even sure why she said it, but she knew she needed to. 

Joel turned his head around at her voice. He wasn’t sure why she apologized yet still he replied. “It’s fine.”

Silence fell over them again and Piper bit the inside of her cheek. It was awkward to say the least. She waited, but then realized Joel wasn’t going to say anymore, so she turned back around. 

“...the stars…are nice,” Joel noted.

Piper looked up for the first time that night. There they were. The stars were breathtaking. She hadn’t ever seen them that clear. “Yeah,” she agreed. Together, Joel and Piper withdrew their attention from the forest to the sky. “You know, Ellie is a fanatic for the stars, space, whatever else is up there.”

Joel glanced at Piper and there he saw it once more. The very expression in the car he saw on her face, now bloomed under the night sky. There was the kid she should be. 

“...that one, the one that looks like a demented spider. Apparently its called Hercules.” Piper pointed up into the sky.

“Huh,” Joel hummed. 

“Yeah, that’s about all I know. Ellie, I swear, knows them all.”

Joel tore his eyes away from the demented spider constellation. “Kid, you should get some sleep,” Joel suggested. 

“In your dreams, Joel.” 

꧁_____________꧂ 

It was official. Ellie hated sleeping outdoors. This was the second time she woke up with a knot in her back. Groaning she pushed herself off the cold ground of the forest. Looking around, she saw the rolled up sleeping bags nearby. 

“Look who’s finally awake,” Piper commented as she walked by Ellie carrying her supplies to the truck of the car. 

Ellie waved her middle finger in the air for Piper to see earning a laugh from her sister. Soon the young girl’s stomach began to rumble. Fueled by her hunger, Ellie crawled over to the pots and dishes piled together hoping to find something to munch on. 

Lifting a lid, she found a boiling liquid. Taking a brief sniff, she pulled back and slammed the lid back on. “Ugh! The fuck is that?”

“You don’t like coffee?” Joel asked.

Whipping her head around to face him, Ellie replied. “If it smells like that, no.” Piper walked up beside her sister and crouched down, lifting up the lid to the coffee pot. Ellie saw the darkened circles underneath her sister’s eyes. “How’d you sleep?” Ellie asked Piper. 

“Like shit,” Piper replied. She eyed the coffee. “Can I have some?” Joel nodded and Piper grabbed a cup and poured the black liquid into it. She raised the cup to her lips and drank. 

Ellie gagged. “You are no longer my sister.”

Piper chuckled. “You’ll get it one day.” Ruffling Ellie’s hair, Piper stood back up to help Joel finish packing the truck. 

“Is that seriously what those Starbucks in the QZ used to sell?” Ellie questioned. 

“Well, theirs was a lot fresher than what Bill saved up, but, yeah, this is what they sold,” Joel explained.

Ellie shook her head. “Smells like burnt shit.”

Piper laughed once more. “Alright, hurry up and eat. We’ve gotta leave soon.” Leaving Ellie, to scavenge once more for food amongst the pile of  dishes, Piper sipped her coffee. She hoped that maybe the caffeinated liquid would keep her sinking eyes awake and the exhaustion in her bones far away.  

꧁_____________꧂ 

“Eyes on the map,” Joel instructed. His voice clear and firm.  

Piper shot up in her seat. Her eyes wide open. She observed she was in the car. The vehicle hummed as it traveled along the road and Piper couldn’t recall how she even got into the car in the first place.

“Alright,” Joel said as the car pulled off to the side of the road, coming to a stop. When the shift stick was in park, Joel turned to the back seat. “Ellie, switch with Piper.”

Shaking her head, Piper replied. “No, I’m fine, just–”

“In the back,” Joel said and Piper knew she couldn’t fight him on this. 

Unbuckling her seat belt, Piper reluctantly opened the passenger side door and crawled into the back. On the other hand, Ellie was esctatic to sit up in the front next to Joel. Jumping in her seat and getting a feel for the cushioned leather, Ellie beamed. 

“Wow, it’s so much nicer up here. I’m never sitting in the back again!” 

Just as Ellie was about to fiddle with the stereo, Joel shoved the map into her hands. 

“Here.” Joel pointed to the map. “We’re here and need to go here. Remember.”

Ellie’s eyes narrowed, following Joel’s thick finger as it danced across the map. “76 west and then… 70 west for, like, ever.”

“Yep. Now eyes on the map.”

Rolling her eyes, Ellie glanced back down at the map. Her small fingers ran along the path that Joel had shown her moments before. Each time she got to the end, the image in her mind only grew more potent until Ellie was confident she could recite the map from memory. However, there was only so much of “eye on the map” she could take and soon Ellie diverged her attention elsewhere. 

First, she experimented with the rearview mirror. It wasn’t something Joel particularly needed, so Ellie had free rein, so long as she didn’t annoy the old man. The small rectangular mirror, let her see the dusty road behind her. She ogled as the cloud of dust rippled out behind the truck clouding the green scenery behind her. Soon Ellie discovered that the mirror could move, tilting up and down and side to side. She tilted the mirror to look at Joel for a brief moment before she caught his glare. Quickly, she turned the mirror to herself. She extended her legs, leaned in close, and chuckled. Her face looked more stretched out than it normally did, and her eyes looked funky. 

Ellie could have looked at herself for god knows how long if it weren’t for the pothole the truck conveniently rolled over. Thumping down in her seat with a huff, Ellie found a new target in the rearview mirror. Piper was fast asleep. Her body limp as her head rested on the stacked up sleeping bags in the back seat. Ellie thought Piper looked weird sleeping. It seemed against her older sister’s nature to relax and be at peace. Afterall, Piper was always on guard with a battle happening deep in the pit of her eyes. Yet, the sight of her sister asleep in the back seat created a warm feeling in Ellie’s chest. Even if the sight of Piper in a dormant state was bizarre, Ellie knew it’s what her sister need. It’s what Piper deserved. 

“Where in Wyoming did you say your brother was?” Ellie found herself asking now that the mirror was back in place after Joel corrected the tilt. 

“Last contact came through a radio tower close to Cody,” Joel replied. 

Nodding Ellie peered down at the map scanning the tiny words and roads for Cody. “Cody, Cody. Ah, man. That is deep up in there.” 

“Yeah,” Joel said. 

“...And if he’s not there?”

“Then odds are he’ll be near a settlement, probably close to another city out there. Ain’t too many of ’em in Wyoming,” Joel explained. 

Soon, Ellie found herself finding the other cities in Wyoming. “Chee-Yen,” she read aloud. 

“Cheyenne,” Joel corrected. 

Ellie’s eyes widened at Joel’s correction. It couldn’t be right. “Che… really?”  Joel nodded. Ellie continued to look for cities. “Cheyenne… Laramie… Casper? What’s his name?”

“Whose name?” Joel wondered. 

“Your brother,” Ellie clarified. 

Joel breathed in deeply before answering the curious girl. “Tommy.”

“Younger or older?” Ellie curiously asked. 

“Younger.”

Peering back at Piper, Ellie asked yet another question. “Why isn’t he with you?” Afterall, her and her sister were always side by side. Never apart and always together. 

“A long story,’ Joel said hoping that it would satisfy Ellie. It did not. 

Ellie scanned the map once more. “Is it longer than 25 hours? ‘Cause I think that’s what we got.”  She peered up at Joel with the most convincing eyes she could conjure.

Joel could feel her expectant gaze on him. Biting his tongue, he continued to drive in silence until Ellie’s stare grew too much.  Finally, Joel “Tommy’s what we used to call a ‘joiner.’ Dreams of becomin’ a hero. So he enlisted in the Army right outta high school. A few months later, they ship him off to Desert Storm. It’s what they called that war. It doesn’t matter. Point is, bein’ in the Army didn’t make him feel much like a hero. Cut to 12 years later, outbreak happens. He convinces me to join a group makin’ their way up to Boston, which I did… mostly to keep an eye on him, keep him alive. It’s where we met Tess. And that whole crew, we, uh… Well, for what it was, it worked. And then Tommy meets Marlene. She talks him into joinin’ the Fireflies. Same mistake he made when he was 18. Wants to save the world. Pipe dream. Him, Fireflies, all of ’em… delusional. ‘Course, last I heard, he quit the Fireflies, too. So now he’s on his own out there, and… I gotta go get him.”

“If you don’t think there’s hope for the world, why bother going on?” Ellie asked. Joel glanced at her with his brows raised. “I mean, you gotta try, right?”

He shook his head. “You haven’t seen the world, so you don’t know. You keep goin’ for family. That’s about it.”

“I’m not family,” Ellie blurted.

“No…,” Joel paused to look at the young girl next to him. “You’re cargo. And I made a promise to Tess. And she was like family.” There was a flash of change in Ellie’s expression. “But you have Piper. Piper’s your family.”

“Yeah she is,” Ellie said with a dejected tone. “You know she reminds me of you.”

“How so?” Joel wondered as his eyes glanced into the mirror to catch sight of the sleeping teen. 

“You’re going for Tommy. Piper goes for me.” Ellie said. “What if you don’t find him?”

“I will.”

“How do you know?” There was a challenge in the young girls voice.

“I’m persistent,” Joel answered. 

Ellie smiled. “Yep, exactly like Piper.”

There was an uneasy feeling growing in the pit of Joel’s stomach at Ellie’s conclusion. It was to similar to the thought he buried deep in the back of his head. Piper was like Joel. It was something he didn’t want. Piper shouldn’t be like him. Joel was damaged, old, broken, and cruel with walls built as high as some of the skyscrapers that existed before the Outbreak. Piper was a teenage girl. She was still a kid. She shouldn’t be like him at all. 

“Ya got up pretty early,” Joel mentioned. “If you wanna grab more sleep like Piper…”

Ellie waved Joel off. “Pfft. I’m not even tired.”

“Sure,” Joel said trying to fight of a smirk. 

꧁_____________꧂ 

A quiet snore escaped the young girls mouth as she dozed off in the passenger seat. The smirk on Joel’s face finally won when Ellie had closed her heavy eyes. It was now peaceful in the car with the two girls sleeping. Their inhales and exhales were in tandem. Both of their faces were calm as the mid-day dreams over came them. 

Joel’s momentary peace and quiet was never meant to last. Soon, there was a stirring in the back seat and a head of dark brown hair sat up. Piper’s hair had frizzed up in her slumber and the young teen tried to soothe the mess with her hands before giving up. 

“How long I was out?” Piper asked as the sleep slowly left her voice. Her eyes scanned the scenes passing by the car windows. 

Turning his head back to face her, Joel replied, “A few hours.”

Piper nodded before carefully peering over the front seat to find her sister fast asleep. “How long has she been out?” 

“Not very long,” Joel said. 

“Hmm…,” Piper couldn’t help but softly smile at Ellie as she brushed some stray hairs from her sister’s face. “Where are we now?” Piper grabbed the map from Ellie’s hands. 

“Not far from Kanas City,” Joel explained. 

She scanned the map and her surroundings for any signs to signify where they were. It didn’t take long for the teen to estimate their spot along the highway. Joel was right. They weren’t far from Kanas City. “We should go around,” Piper whispered. 

Joel’s brows raised as his ears caught Piper’s words. “What do you mean?”

Piper solemnly glanced out the window. Her eyes darted back and forth as the sight flew by them. “Heard the QZ is horrible. Definitely not a place we want to be.” Once she had finished speaking, Piper had grown eerily quiet.  

Joel wanted to say something. To ask if she was okay, but his vocal chords refused to make a sound. Soon the shuffling of the girl in the passenger seat drew everyone’s attention.

Piper smiled. “Hey there sleepy head.”

Ellie’s eyes closed and opened as they adjust to the harsh light of the day. “Fuck you,” she groaned. Her response made Piper laugh, but her laugh was cut short by the slowing of the truck. 

The teen hadn’t been aware of how close they actually were to Kanas City. The road between all the cars and trucks was significantly more narrow than before. In front of them was an obvious barricade. They weren’t able to drive through this. Piper’s jaw clenched as she watched Joel unbuckle his seat. She wanted to tell him to drive back and go around the city. She was sure she saw a route they could take, but it was Joel’s voice that spoke instead. 

“Stay put,” Joel told the girls. 

Piper and Ellie watched the man look around the cars and underneath the larger trucks before he trekked back with a scowl on his face. 

Fuck, the girls thought. 

“Where are we?” Ellie asked as soon as Joel got back into the car. 

“Kansas City,” Joel grumbled. He motioned for the map and Piper placed it in his hands. 

“How far back do we have to go to get around this?” Ellie peered over Joel’s shoulder as worry spread across her face. 

Joel sighed looking at the map. They’d have to turn around and drive a few hours just to get around the barricade. To Joel, it wasn’t worth it. Tommy was waiting. Time was precious. “Screw it.” Without another word, Joel pulled away from the barricade and drove the car onto the exit ramp. The road led straight to Kanas City. 

Panic filled Piper’s being. “What are you doing?!” She yelled at Joel, “No, no, Joel. Away from the city. I’ve heard some things back in Boston QZ, we don’t–”

He knew the fear in Piper’s expression well, but a teenager’s fears weren’t going to add more time onto their trip than needed. “We can jog right around this tunnel… take the next ramp… and we’re back on the road. Minute tops,” he hurriedly explained to calm the girl. 

Piper glared at Joel as she bit her lip. Tears began to well up in her eyes from the pain. The disturbing turning in her gut only got worse as they drove deeper and deeper into the city and the only comfort she could find was gripping the handle of her gun. 

“Where the fuck is the highway?!” Joel fumed. His eye frantically over the map and then the road in front of him. 

Ellie did her best to help. “I can’t tell from this. I’m all turned around!” 

“Don’t look at the state map, Ellie. Look at the inset.” Piper was on the verge of snapping. “That there!”

The younger girl’s voice began to break. “Well, I don’t know where we are in that either! This is my second day in a fucking car. I mean, I think we’re heading north?”

“It’s gotta be the right,” Joel muttered, before swerving the car to the right. 

The car jolted everyone as Joel tried find a way out of the labyrinth like city. 

“Stop!” Ellie hollered. 

The car came to a halt. Tires screeched and Piper barely had time to brace herself on Ellie’s seat. “What the fuck?” She asked her sister. Ellie just stared at pointed out the window. 

“Is that the QZ?” Ellie asked. Everyone was now looking at the burned down gate. Smoke was still in the air. “Where the fuck is FEDRA?”

Piper wanted to spew. “Joel–” 

“Hey! Please help!” The voice came from outside the car. It was a man. His right leg hung limp behind him and his arms waved in the air. 

Her eyes widened and, using her free hand, she grabbed Joel’s shoulder with a painful grip. “Joel, we need to get the fuck out of here!”

Joel’s eyes darkened. “Put your seatbelt on,” he said with a low voice. 

Ellie searched his eyes. “Aren’t we gonna help him?”

“No,” Piper and Joel said simultaneously. 

There was a click. Then a stomp. Soon the car jumped forward as Joel pressed his foot down on the gas. The truck was headed straight for the man. 

“Joel! Reverse!” Piper screamed.

“Fuck!” the man yelled as he jumped out of the way. “Go, go, go!”

In an instance, there was a deafening thud. The car slid. Joel turned the wheel to a nearby building’s glass doors. Gun shots fired. Their heads ducked down as they braced for impact. With a crash, the car came to a halt. 

“Fuck,” Joel groaned. He turned to Ellie. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Ellie wheezed. 

Quickly, he turned to Piper. “You’re not hurt? Nothin’?”

Piper shook her head. “I don’t think so.”

Their momentary relief was destroyed by bullets firing. They had hit the truck’s windows. 

“Belts off. Fast!” Joel shouted. 

The girls did not waste time unbuckling the seat belts and opening the doors of the truck. 

“Let’s see you, motherfucker! Give us your shit, you make it through this! I promise!” One of the raiders yelled. 

Once all of them had left the truck and found brief cover, Joel looked around the room. “Hey, you see that hole?” He pointed to a small hole in the drywall. “Can you two squeeze through?”

Ellie and Piper followed Joel’s hand. With one scan of the hole, they knew they could fit. 

“Last chance!” the raider snarled. 

“When I say go, you crawl to that wall, and you squeeze through, and you don’t come out until I say, okay?” Joel instructed the teens. 

Ellie nodded her head. The shock evident in her eyes. 

Piper shook hers. “No, let me help.” She raised her gun up for Joel to see. 

Joel growled and his jaw clenched. “This is not a negotiation. You’re going.”

A gun shot echoed around the room. They seemed to be getting louder and louder with each fire. Ellie felt her legs go limp and a cold sweat over come her body. 

“they’re not gonna hit you. Look at me!” Joel told Ellie, “They’re not gonna hit you.”

Bang!

“You stay down, you stay low, you stay quiet,” Joel explained and Ellie absently nodded her head. 

“I’ve got you Els,” Piper whispered to her sister. 

“Mm-hmm,” Ellie hummed back with tears in her eyes. 

“Okay,” Piper said before turning to Joel and nodding. 

“Okay,” Joel commanded. “Go!”

Immediately, Piper shot off the ground and grabbed Ellie’s jacket collar dragging her along. They stayed low to the ground until they reached the hole. “Come on, go!” Piper yelled before shoving Ellie through the hole.

Bang! 

Piper cried out in pain as she examined her shoulder. She was shot. The bullet had grazed her arm. “Fuck!” She cried before crawling through the hole. 

Another shot was fired. 

“Fuck! You motherfucker!” One of the raiders screamed. 

There was another shot and Piper could hear the sounds of guns falter. Joel was doing it. He was taking them out one by one. 

Crunch. 

Glass had been broken and there was heavy breathing. It was breathing that did not belong to the old man. A shadow covered the hole. Ellie’s eyes widened and Piper pulled her back against the wall. 

There was a grunt. “Now you’re gonna fuckin’ pay! What you fuckin’ did, you fuckin’ killed yourself, motherfucker!” A raider yelled. The girls could hear the voice so clearly. 

Bang.  

Something had run into the wall. Piper flinched and Ellie was no longer by her side. Turning her head, she saw her sister at the hole. Her gun in hand. 

“Ellie, no,” Piper pleaded as Joel struggle with the raider. 

Ignoring her sister, Ellie crawled through the wall. 

“Fuck,” Piper groaned before following her sister out the hole. 

The sight in front of her was pure chaos. Joel had his head tilted back with a long rifle underneath his chin. Behind him stood a raider. Piper didn’t care to note the specifics about him except for the fact he was choking Joel. It wouldn’t have been long before Joel would lay unconscious on the floor of the abandoned laundromat. 

A clear shot rang through the air. The raider fell to his knees. The rifle choking Joel was gone. Ellie had shot the man. Her shoulders were stiff and her eyes were cold. Her skin was paler than white as the gun followed the man as he dragged himself across the floor. 

The demeanor in the raider had flipped. Tears screamed down his eyes as the violence in his voice fled. It was replaced by terror as he pleaded with Ellie. 

“No, no, no, no, no! It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s over. We’re not fighting anymore. I’m gonna go home. I’ll tell everyone you’re good,” his voice broke as a cry escaped his lips. “I don’t know what to do. My legs don’t work. My mom isn’t far, if you could get me to her. We could trade with you guys. We could be friends. I didn’t know.” Ellie stood unwavering. “I’m Bryan. I’m Bryan. What’s your name?” Bryan whimpered. 

Joel stepped forward. “Wait, wait, wait!” Bryan pleaded, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a knife. “You can have it… It’s a good knife.” He tossed the knife to Ellie. It fell to the ground beside her feet. 

“Get back behind the wall,” Joel muttered to Ellie. He was still out of breath. His hand came to her shoulder, breaking her from her trance. Lowering the gun, Ellie turned her back to Bryan and crawled back through the wall. “Kid,” Joel said to Piper. 

“I’m not a kid,” Piper whispered. With Ellie’s gun was quickly replaced by Piper’s. Joel’s eyes widened. 

Bryan’s cried got louder. It annoyed Piper. Someone who moments before seemed to strong, now was at her feet begging for mercy. Something she didn’t have. Not anymore. “No, no, no, no! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Please, please. We could just talk. I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Please, please. No, no, no! Please! No, please! Please! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Please! You don’t have to! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Please! No, no, no! We can just talk! Mom! Mom! Mom!” 

Piper’s heart clenched at Bryan’s call for his mother. It was a brief moment, before her finger squeezed. A shot thundered around the room. Then there was silence and a small hole in the forehead of what used to be Bryan. Piper wanted to revel in it, but instead she felt sick. Swallowing down the rising bile, she lowered her gun. In the silence, adjusted the straps of her backpack and moved to the hole in the wall. 

“Let’s go,” she mumbled. 

“I can’t fit through,” Joel said. 

Piper sighed and grabbed her shoulder massaging the pain. “There’s a door to the next room just around the corner.”

Joel nodded as he shuffled around to the door before turning the knob. The door didn’t open. It wasn’t locked, but it just didn’t open. 

“There’s some stuff against the door,” Ellie voiced. 

“Well, can you move it?” Joel asked. 

“Uh…yeah.”

It didn’t take long for Joel to hear scrapping and shuffling behind the door. Soon the blockage was free and the door swung open. Joel stepped inside and closed the door behind him and darkness flooded the room. 

“You okay?” Joel asked to either girl.

Piper didn’t answer. Ellie did. “I’m okay… I’m good. I, uh, got some food in here still, and I got your light still.” Ellie handed Joel the light. “What now?”

“We go up,” Joel answered. 

Ellie looked up at Joel. “To get a better look?”

Joel nodded. “Hopefully, we spot a clear route out.” Leaning back, Joel peered out the door, briefly shutting it. His eyes flitted between the girls. 

“Ready?” He asked. 

Ellie nodded. The two of them turned to Piper. The elder teen gripped her gun close and raised her head up an down. 

Light spilled into the room. The bright light momentarily blinded the three of them as they rushed outside. Their bodies crouched down low as they ran. One fact rang clear in their minds. They had to get far away from here. Some place safe, although it seemed as if they’d never be safe again.

꧁_____________꧂ 

“You fingers go here and then…Piper are you listening to me?” Levi asked with a knowing smile on his face. 

“Huh? Oh yeah. Totally,” Piper chirped back. 

“Right. How was I telling you to hold the gun?” Levi knew Piper’s reaction before the guilt on her face could manifest. 

“Like…this?” Piper fiddled with the gun in her hand and Levi shook his head. 

“No. Here,” Levi said as he reached over to fix Piper’s grip on the gun. Fingers go here and use both hands.”

“But that’s not how–,” Piper muttered. 

“I know that’s how you were taught by FEDRA. It’s wrong. Now listen to me sweetheart,” Levi continued on with his demonstration. “...Soon enough you’ll be able to shoot.” 

After some adjustments, Piper finally mastered her grip on the gun. Levi beamed. “See, now. I want you to try your hand at shooting. Don’t be afraid to miss.” 

Piper huffed and moved her feet to a better stance, the very one she saw Levi take when he used his gun. Her small eyes narrowed to the targets on the other end of the room. They were old beer bottles, but viable targets nonetheless. Taking a slow breath in, Piper pulled her finger back, trigger the gun to fire. She missed. 

“Fuck,” Piper hissed. 

Levi chuckled. “Hey, what did I say? You can miss. You’re safe here. You miss here so that when your shot counts, you don’t miss. Got it?”

The young girl nodded before turning to look back at the targets. Piper puffed her cheeks with disappointment. She wanted to hit the target. She wanted to never miss again. She wouldn’t make a shot that night. She wouldn’t make a shot until it counted. Yet, time and time again, she heard Levi’s voice saying, “Try again,” and she’d get back up to fire once more. 

꧁_____________꧂ 

Refuge was found in a broken down bar. The windows were sealed with old newspapers. To pass the time, Ellie tried to read the clippings. Some were stories about dead people. Boring. Then there were some stories about what the local school board was doing. Also boring. As she jumped from story to story, Ellie concluded that the news was boring. Instead she took to peeking out the window in the cracks where the news didn’t cover. 

“They’re not FEDRA, and they’re not Fireflies, so who are they?” Ellie asked. She peered up at Joel who was also looking out the window. 

“People,” Joel grumbled. 

Ellie nodded and drew her knees in close. Her tiny body crumpled together on the wooden floor. “Are we okay in here?” Ellie’s voice was small. 

Joel’s ear’s perked at the sound of uncertainty in Ellie’s voice. He withdrew from the window and sat down on an abandoned chair. “For a little bit, maybe. Looks like they’re checkin’ out apartment buildings first. But they’ll be coming through these places soon enough.”

There was a sigh from the corner of the room. Piper’s head fell back against the wall. “There’s a really tall building, like, four blocks away,” she noted. Her long dark hair fell to the side as her eyes cast down. She had lost her hair tie a while back during the chaos of running from building to building. 

"Yeah. Saw it,” Joel said. 

Ellie sat up and peeked out the window once more. Her brown eyes darted around until they landed on the building, she believed Joel and Piper were discussing. “So that’s the one?” She pointed to the building. 

“As soon as we don’t hear a truck, we move,” Joel instructed. “Fast as we can.” There was a loud hum as an armoured truck drove by and Ellie ducked down. The group froze as they listened. Their shoulders were tensed and backs stiff. 

The rumbling of the trucks dispersed and a laboured groan escaped Piper’s mouth. 

“Are you okay?” Joel asked. He was now standing up and moving towards the young teen. 

Piper made a noise that was a mix of a scoff and a snicker. “I’m not the one you should be asking.”

Joel groaned at Piper’s stubbornness. “You were shot, weren’t you?”

“No.” Piper shook her head. 

“I saw you got s–,” Joel rebutted. 

“The bullet grazed me!” Piper heaved. “It’s not the end of the fucking world. I’m fine.” She squeezed her arm in hopes to divert the pain. “Ellie, how are you doing?” Piper tensely asked. 

“I’m alright,” Ellie replied. “Joel?”

Roughly running his hands through his peppered hair, Joel answered Ellie. “Yeah.” Taking a few more steps closer to Piper, Joel crouched down. His body only a few feet away from the girl. “Thing is, is I didn’t hear that guy comin’, and… you shouldn’t have had to… both of you shouldn’t have had to…you know?”

“Well, you’re glad we did,” Piper concluded. 

Joel shook his head. He was glad to be alive, but not at the expense of child. “You’re just a kid,” Joel pinched his nose. “You shouldn’t know what it means to… But… shootin’ or… I know what it’s like… first time that you, uh, hurt… someone like that. If you, uh… w… uh…I’m not good at this,” Joel confessed. 

“Yeah, you really aren’t,” Ellie commented. 

“I mean, it was my fault,” Joel apologized. You shouldn’t have had to. And I’m sorry.”

Those two words echoed in Piper’s head. They were such simple and unthreatening words, yet their delivery broke down her walls. I’m sorry. Piper gulped and dug her nails into the palms of her hands. I’m sorry. A new ache formed in her body at the sound of the words and the pain from her shoulder only dulled in comparison to the pain of her heart. I’m sorry. Instantly, her vision grew blurry, and against her will, a few tears escaped and trailed down her dirtied cheeks. 

“It wasn’t my first time,” Piper sniffled . She looked up forcing the tears away. 

“Right. Show me your grip,” Joel looked at Piper and never for a moment did he dwell on her tears. Piper was grateful for that as she pulled out her gun and showed Joel her grip. He took a step closer to check. “Good.” Then Joel turned to Ellie asking her to do the same. “Finger off the trigger. Now, who taught you that?” Joel asked Ellie. 

“FEDRA school,” Ellie mumbled. 

“Figures. Your thumb…over your thumb. Left hand… squeezes down on the right. You got it?”  Ellie nodded. Suddenly, Joel’s hand reached out and tried to yank away Ellie’s gun. Her grip stayed unwavering. “There ya go. Look,” Joel noted. 

Piper smiled as Ellie’s grin grew from Joel’s praise. 

“How come you didn’t check Piper’s grip?” Ellie asked Joel. 

Piper chirped up before Joel could reply. “FEDRA didn’t teach me to shoot,” She said and all elements of a smile has vanished. 

Joel looked back at Piper before standing up. The joints in his knees and hips were displeased at this sudden movement. His movement created a wave of action from the other girls. Piper stood up and Ellie placed her gun in her hand. 

Tapping Ellie on the shoulder, Joel shook his head. “Uh-uh. You’ll shoot your damn ass off.”

Piper snickered. “Be fucking hilarious.” 

Ellie whipped her head around to face her sister. “You fucker.” 

“Hurry it up, girls,” Joel grumbled as he retrieved his things. The girls quit their bickering to do just as Joel had. 

Soon enough, the three of them were standing at the door. They shared a cautious breath as they awaited Joel’s cue. 

“We’ll get through this,” Joel found himself saying. His eyes flashed with worry as he glanced at the weary expressions on the girl’s faces. 

Ellie shrugged her backpack and looked up at Joel. “We know.” 

For a moment, they waited. All their ears tunned into the sounds of the world outside the degenerating bar. With bated breathes they stood. Ellie gripped the straps of her bag tightly finding comfort in the constriction. Piper stood low behind Joel. The pain in her arm was now blaring at her. She clenched her eyes shut, waiting for the pain to subside. All Piper had to do was wait it out. Soon they’d be safe. Soon they’d be out of this god forsaken city. 

“Go,” Joel commanded. The door shut behind them and a bar was left empty once more. 

꧁_____________꧂ 

Joel was old. It was a fact that he knew quite well. It seemed to be Joel’s downfall that he was old in a world that favored the young. Especially when it came to survival. Except now, Joel had youth on his side, except this youth seemed…well, partially incompetent. 

“You’re just gonna put your foot here,” Joel explained. “One, two…” With all his strength he raised Ellie into the air. The young girl’s arms flailed around trying to find stability. 

“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit,” Ellie cursed. 

Piper couldn’t contained her laughter as she watched Joel and Ellie struggle. 

Joel huffed and rolled his eyes at Piper’s reaction. “You could always help.”

“Nah, you’ve got it,” Piper replied. 

Ellie cried out as Joel’s muscles struggled to keep her up. “Straighten up. I got you,” Joel said. 

It took a moment, but then Ellie followed Joel’s advice. Her hands reached the opening and her fingers scrounged around for a grip. It didn’t take long for the weight on Joel’s shoulders and arms to lessen. 

“Okay, I’m in.” Ellie’s voice echoed around the opening. 

“Take a look around first. Ellie.” Joel instructed. There was silence from the other side. “God damn it,” Joel muttered. 

“Hey, that's my sister,” Piper reprimanded the old man. 

As if on cue, a nearby steel door swung open and Ellie’s head appeared. “Where would you be without me, huh?” Ellie smiled. 

“By now, Wyoming,” Joel responded as he walked passed Ellie into the building. 

Ellie’s shoulder’s dropped. “Oh, yeah. Walked into that one.”

Once they were all in the stairwell, Joel at the two girls. “All right. We’ll make our way up, and come morning, I’ll take a look at the city, and find our way out.”

A large white sign flared in the dark of the stairwell, illuminated by the flashlights of the group. Ellie groaned upon reading the mixture of numbers and words on the metallic surface. “We’re goin’ up 42 flights?”

“Forty-five,” Joel corrected and then shook his head. “But no… not all the way.”

Piper slumped against the concrete wall with a bang. The contents of her backpack were squished between her and the unmoving force of the wall. “Jesus. How far?”

The man’s brow furrowed with thought as he calculated an answer for the girls. “As far as I can make it.” 

And so their ascent up the stairs began. Their footsteps clambered along the thick walls echoing to and fro. The stair case had a supreme level of acoustics. It was a fact acknowledged by all three of them, especially Ellie. By floor ten, the young girl’s thigh muscles contracted and with each step the burning sensation only grew stronger. In her mind she prayed Joel could only take so many more. Afterall, he was old. However, Ellie realized she had misjudged Joel’s determination and strength by floor seventeen. Her body was heating up and sweat oozed out of her skin. She was suffering, and it seemed like no one else was. Piper stood stoically as she climbed each step. The only hint of their physical stress was a slight shade of pink that tinted her cheeks. On the other hand, Joel’s brow shimmered under the light of his flashlight. He was sweating. He was feeling the effects of their activities. He was suffering, but not enough. 

“What did the policeman say to his belly button?” Ellie asked with a devious smile as she watched Joel’s shoulder’s slump with defeat. 

Piper snorted before rolling her eyes at Ellie. “I don’t know…um…hi?”

“Nope,” Ellie bit her lip trying to contain her laughter. “You’re under a vest!” 

“Jesus,” Joel mumbled and Piper wasn’t sure if it was a prayer or a curse. 

The stairs now echoed a new sound, Ellie’s giggles. “Okay, okay. Next one.” She cleared her throat. “What’s the difference between a well-dressed person on a unicycle and a poorly dressed person on a bike?” Dark brown eyes darted to Piper and Joel for any hint of an answer. “No one? Okay,” and throwing on her best posh accent, Ellie drove the punch line home. “Attire.”

Again, the young girl was thrown into a fit of giggles as Joel grumbled to himself occasionally sending her a warning glare when he broke free from his elderly annoyance of the youth present. 

With each joke Ellie delivered, the laboured and steadfast demeanor Piper held up slowly chipped away. She wasn’t sure if it was the fact her body no longer had the will to fight against the abominable two-liner jokes, or if it was the sight of Ellie at such ease and joy from tormenting her and Joel. Although, Piper had to admit seeing Joel at such loose level of discomfort was quite funny. It was moments like these she had to remember when Joel would eventually discard her and Ellie just like everyone else. 

“Ooo! This one. Okay,” Ellie cleared her throat. “What did the fisherman say to the magician?” She paused waiting for the internal drum roll to conclude. “Pick a cod, any cod.” 

Piper sinched her lips together to contain the outburst waiting to pop. She was so focused on not laughing that she almost ran into Joel. The man had stilled and with his hands on his hips he glowered down at the girls with an unknown look in his gaze. 

“No more jokes,” Joel said. 

“Okay, just trying to lighten the mood,” Ellie mumbled as she shoved her joke book into her back pocket. 

Upon seeing the book placed away, Joel collected his breath and the marched up the stairs continued. 

They had passed four more floors when Ellie spoke again. “Hey, you know that guy who said he was hurt?” She waited for Joel’s acknowledgement. “How did you know it was an ambush?”

Joel’s chest rose pushing his shoulder close to his ears. “I’ve been on both sides.” He glanced back at caught Piper’s knowing stare. “It was a long time ago. We did what we needed to survive.”

“You and Tess?” Ellie asked. It was strange to think of Joel and Tess like the man who attacked them. They were protectors and that’s all Ellie had known them to be. She didn’t think she could imagine Tess hurting anyone. Joel on the other hand, she could see it…sort of. 

“And the people we were with,” Joel explained. “My brother, too.”

Ellie took in a shaking breath, which she blamed on the physical exertion. “Did you kill innocent people?” Her voice faltered. 

Joel was silent. 

“Ellie,” Piper interjected. “Save your breath for the stairs.”

Joel’s jaw unclenched at Piper’s words. He was grateful for her interruption. He knew the answer and it was not an answer he wanted to tell Ellie. In a world full of death and decay around everyone corner, sometimes all you could do was kill. So, yes. Yes, Joel had killed innocents. Back then he wasn’t ashamed. He did it to survive. He had to. Now…now Joel just wanted to lie. 

꧁_____________꧂ 

The stairwell door slammed open and Ellie toppled inside. Her knees hit the carpeted floor as breath hit her lungs like a tidal wave. “Holy shit,” she tiredly said. 

Piper plopped down next to her throwing her head between her knees. “Yeah,” she agreed. 

“Thirty-three floors ,” Ellie barely voiced. “That’s good.”

“It’s gonna have to be,” Joel panted. He placed his coarse hand on the wall for stability. Everything burned: his lungs, his calves, his thighs, hell, even muscles he didn’t know existed burned in a frenzy. 

Pushing herself off the floor, Piper crawled to a standing position. “Come on,” she huffed. 

Ellie shuffled around before reaching her hand out to Piper. Together the two of them got Ellie to a stand. 

Joel looked at the two girls with a puzzled expression. The power of the recovery in the youth astounded him. “Gimme a minute,” Joel begged. 

Ellie chuckled. “Get up, you lazy ass.”

“Lazy ass,” Joel grunted as he stood up. “Fifty-six years old, you little shit.”

Piper and Ellie laughed at his response as they watched Joel waddle down the maze of hallways on the floor before entering a large office. The office was in a pristine condition considering the start of the apocalypse two decades prior. The carpet was free of dirt and Piper could still see the design within the fabric. Ellie was in awe at the fluffiness of the couch cushions in the seating area. They were a little stiff but practically new. She smiled to herself as she laid a few of the cushions out on the floor for the three of them. 

“Better than any bed I’ve ever slept–Joel?” Ellie turned her attention to Joel who had just shattered the glass door. “Joel.” He didn’t respond. Ellie looked at Piper with a worried shine in her eyes. “Joel!” Ellie yelled. 

The man in question turned around with a quizzical look. “What?”

“What are you doing?” She pointed to the glass now on the floor. Not the best sleeping conditions, if she was saying anything. 

Joel furrowed his brow as if his actions are obvious. Piper sighed and dropped her bag onto the floor before laying down next to Ellie. “He doesn’t want someone sneakin’ up on us while we’re sleeping.”

“Ohh, I get it. Crunch, crunch, crunch,” Ellie animately said. Her hands marched around in the air like feet ‘smashing’ the shattered glass. “Are you sure you’re gonna hear it?” The young girl asked Joel. 

“Of course, I’ll hear it,” Joel said. “That’s the damn point.” He glanced down at the ground. The glass was evenly spread out. It’d be difficult to not step on the makeshift alarm. Satisfied, he shuffled over to the girls and sat down on the open cushion next to Piper. 

“If he doesn’t,” Piper added, “I will.”

“Okay. Well, good night,” Ellie said. She snuggled into the couch cushions and drew her jacket tightly around her body. 

“Yeah, good night,” Joel whispered back as he laid down settling in for the night. 

“Night,” Piper mumbled. 

A darkened shade of blue encased the room. Everything was a different shade and Piper could make out each of the objects in the room. The desk was a darker blue than the chair behind it. The ceiling was a light blue, and the young girl was sure she could hear the buzzing of the fluorescent lights, even though they were turned off. Shifting around on the cushion, Piper let out a disappointed sigh. Sleep evaded her. 

“Hey,” Joel spoke. 

“Yeah?” Piper hesitantly responded. Behind her, a small snore escaped Ellie’s mouth. Piper could hear Joel let out a heavy breath. 

“When we were talkin’ about hurtin’ people…,” Joel paused. “What did you mean it wasn’t your first time?”

Piper rolled around onto her side. Her eyes glued to Joel’s back. “…I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“All right,” Joel quietly said.  “…You don’t have to. I’m just sayin’… it isn’t fair, your age… havin’ to deal with all of this…”

Piper’s nose scrunched up and a line between her brows formed. “There’s a lot I’ve had to deal with…” Tears built up in the corner of her eyes. Piper wasn’t going to cry. She didn’t want to cry, but why was it so easy to cry at night? “The first time I…I was twelve…does it gets easier when you get older?” Piper sniffled. 

“No, not really.” Joel rolled over and found lips pulling into a tight line. Piper was crying. The dark hid her tears well, but Joel was a father. He knew when a child was crying. “But still.”

Piper gulped and took in a shaky breath. She wasn’t crying. She refused to cry, but it was a lie. She knew and she knew Joel knew. Yet, there was an ease that filled her being as she cried on the floor of that office with Joel laying across from her. Even as war and torment surged outside, as people searched for them, Piper felt safe. She was safe under the shadow of Joel’s figure. Piper was safe, so she could cry. 

“The reason Ellie asked whether you’d hear the glass or not is ’cause both of us have noticed you don’t hear too well from your right side… Is it ’cause you were shot there?” Piper pondered once her tears had subsided. 

“Probably more from shootin’,” Joel honestly replied. “So if you wanna keep your hearin’, you stick to that knife.”

Piper chuckled and a small smile crept onto her face. “Too late.” Piper asked, “Joel?” 

“Hm?” Joel raised his brow. 

“Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?” Piper smirked. 

“What?” Joel’s head turned to look over his shoulder. Utter confusion was placed on his face at Piper’s words. 

“Yeah,” Piper whispered. “It runs in your jeans.” Then she laughed. It was a quiet laugh given the circumstances, but a laugh nonetheless. 

Joel rolled back over. “Jesus,” he said before laughing along. “That is so goddamn stupid.” He shook his head at himself for laughing at the joke, yet he couldn’t stop. He laughed and then Piper laughed. He feared it be an on going cycle that would awaken Ellie. 

“You laughed, motherfucker,” Piper noted. “Just wait till I tell Ellie.”

“I didn’t laugh,” Joel gruffly said. There was still a hint of laughter in his face. 

“Yes, you did,” Piper said. She wouldn’t let him deny it. 

“Jesus, I’m losin’ it,” Joel smiled. His face felt funny and alien as the smile stretched across his features. His cheeks hurt and his eyes crinkled in a way that they hadn’t in years. Piper had made Joel smile. 

“You’re losin’ it big time,” Piper giggled and Joel laughed once more. 

“Go to sleep,” Joel gently said. 

Piper fondly smiled. “You too, Joel. You too.” 

꧁_____________꧂ 

Sleep found Joel quickly that night. It must have been the thirty-three floors of stairs, the fight for his life, and driving consistently for days that finally brought him some rest. His mind was blank. He didn’t dream and didn’t think of Sarah, of Tess, or of Tommy. He felt at ease. Soon the pleasantry of slumber escaped him. The room was lighter and faded color crept into his view. 

“Joel?” A muffled voice was calling out to him. It sounded worried. It sounded scared. Joel’s eyes widened. “Joel!”

He grunted as he lifted his head. There was Ellie and Piper. Ellie was looking down at him. Her dark eyes reflected the fear and confusion in Joel’s. Piper sat with her jaw clenched. Her shoulder were held back and an inferno was a lit in her eyes. The thing that scared Joel the most was where Piper was looking. She wasn’t looking at him. No, Piper was glaring down the barrel of a gun. 

Something cold touched the back of Joel’s head. He whipped around. There in front of him was a child with paint around his eyes. In his hand was a gun. 

Well, fuck. 

꧁_____________꧂ 

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꧁_____________꧂

[squintyeyedjoel]

Through Your Eyes | Part 2 - More than Meets the Eye (Joel x Reader)

A/N: IT’S FINALLY FUCKING HERE!!!! I’m so sorry it took so long! I’ve been sitting on this for almost a year and it’s just been evolving and marinating and improving, and I hope it lives up to the hype. It’s time for it to be set free. ✨ This is truly a hybrid of game and show Joel. I see them both, hence both gifs.

I do not own The Last of Us or it’s characters. Sadly. But I carry them in my heart. Does that count for something? My soul says yes.

Warnings: Oooo, this one’s a doozy. So many things. (Let me know if I miss anything.) 😮‍💨 Some original characters, mentions of an elderly family member passing, lots of canon violence and swearing, (this one is a big one. Like a lot. There’s a hefty amount of swearing.) mention of attempted sexual assault (not to reader) without detail, graphic description of injury (not to reader) and blood, attempted abduction? Reader is a badass and sports a black eye and bloody knuckles with pride. Panic attack? But Joel scares it away. 😌 We round it all out with obscene amounts of fluff and humor between it all, sweet moments, and just soft things. It’s me. I can’t not. No use of Y/N.

Word count: 11,928

Thank you to @fordo-kixed-rex for reading over this five bazillion times for me and fangirling over it when I was having my down moments. You’re a real one.

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Xxx

You rocked in the saddle of your horse as she slowly followed behind the first few people in the group.

Left.

Right.

Left. 

Right.

Over.

And over.

And over.

Some quicker footfalls to your left made you turn your head, seeing Joel atop his horse come alongside you before slowing his steed back to the slow crawl the rest had fallen into.

“You okay?” He mumbled. “Look like you’re about to fall asleep.”

“Don’t tempt me,” you groused, turning back to face forward with a yawn.

He huffed out a laugh before shaking his head at you almost imperceptibly, nudging his horse to go a little faster toward the front of the group.

Watching him with narrowed brows, you saw everyone else make sure to steer clear of him, giving him a wide berth and a clear path to the front. Tommy’s words from that first day rang in your head.

“You saw a side of Joel right out the gate some wait a lifetime to miss.”

Joel whistled loudly, gathering everyone’s attention, as the whole party came to a stop. “Alright! Listen up!” Some grumbles began to go around, but stopped with one crook of his brow. “That’s an awful lot of yappin’ for people suppose t’be listenin’.” 

If a pin had dropped in the grass underfoot, it would have echoed in the vast forest around you. Even nature seemed to heed his warning, only a few stray birds chirping somewhere in the distance brave enough to break the silence. A lone frog echoed in a nearby creek bed. A few bugs buzzed by, trying to ease the tension, and it seemed to work, because finally Joel went on after staring at everybody.

“We need to pick up the pace. This isn’t a leisurely walk to the park and back. We have a goal we need to get to, and back, and we got one week to do it.”

“Who made you the boss?” Some poor brave soul asked from behind you. A young man, maybe in his mid twenties from how he sounded. You didn’t dare turn to look at him, not wanting to move your eyes from Joel, because if looks could kill…. Joel would currently be facing a serious charge for the way he was glowering at the faceless voice behind you.

“Common sense.” A few small laughs went around the group, the corner of Joel’s mouth twitching up just slightly when he saw you shake your head with a smirk. “This was my run- our run,” he pointed to you then back to himself before retaking the reins to his horse, “and the council thought it best you all tag along to bring the most back we could. Now I don’t mind-”

“Yes, you do,” another voice behind you said, female, almost teasingly, making another round of soft laughter go around.

“Fine. I mind. A lot. But we’re here now. So, since you’re tagging along on our run, what we say goes. Agreed?” When no one protested, he gestured you up to the front with a tilt of his head, going on while you nudged your horse forward. 

“Now, we need to move faster. Any bandits or infected we pass by would pick us off like flies at this pace. The cart will be the slowest, I want the four of you to stay with the cart at all times and watch all four sides.” He pointed to four individuals who nodded, moving toward the cart pulled by a single horse and rider. 

“The three of you pull up the rear.” More pointing and nodding. “The rest of you, in the middle. Keep your eyes open. Everyone keep at a steady pace, we camp at sundown wherever that is. Don’t push your horses too far.” He began to turn his own mount to move forward. “Not their fault we’re a bunch of dumbasses.”

“I think that’s the most I’ve ever heard him say at once,” you heard someone mutter behind you, making you smile.

“At once? Try ever,” another retorted.

Joel looked over at you. “What? Why you grinnin’?”

“They respect you.”

He scoffed. “That so hard to believe?”

“It’s a side of you I’ve not seen before. I’m used to bad puns and screwdrivers, not….” You made a swooping gesture to the group behind you, “that.”

He shook his head once, tisking at you. “Shows what you know. I’m actually partly in charge of security around Jackson.”

Your eyes widened as you turned as much as your saddle would allow to look at him, the leather creaking against the movement. “Really?”

He nodded once in confirmation, a proud smile starting up his face. “Only a part time type’f thing, and it’s purely on a trial basis right now, but…. Yeah.” He grinned brightly at you. “The jokin’ and woodworkin’ are just for fun.” The smile turned somewhat dopey and lopsided.

“There’s more to you than meets the eye, Joel Miller.” He rolled his eyes at you, the grin melting into a scoff and his signature sour expression with impressive speed. Though his eyes still shone brightly, giving away his true amusement. “And I’m gonna try to see it all.”

Shaking his head at you again, Joel looked back forward, nudging his horse to go a bit faster and pull ahead of you. “Nah. Not that deep, darlin’.”

Urging your mount forward, you maneuvered to your right, and fell in beside him with a grin. “That’s what you think.”

Joel tilted his head down and to the side toward you as he spoke for emphasis, keeping his eyes forward. “That’s what I know.” He cut his gaze to you briefly after a moment to try and drive his point home before straightening back up in his saddle, his eyes going studiously back to the wide expanse of land ahead. 

Your grin melted into a smirk, seemingly a new permanent fixture since moving to Jackson. Or more specifically, since moving in with Joel and Ellie. That thought made the side of your mouth tick even higher. “We’ll see.”

Xxx

In the chaos of starting up a new life in Jackson, you’d overlooked one little detail. While you could repair and paint just about anything on your own, you were shit at stitching any stuffed toys back together Joel happened on during runs. It was possible, but it was slow going, and to be honest, looked a bit like field dressings for a battle wound instead of repairs. 

You’d thrown the last attempt of an old wrinkled teddy bear at Joel when he’d called it Sargent Cuddles, Ellie only adding to the confirmation when she asked if you could make an eyepatch for the bear instead to cover the deep scar you’d given it by way of cross stitches.

Halfway through that first week, you’d walked into the town’s seamstress with the best smelling cinnamon loaf the bakery had to offer, fresh and steaming, under your arm. When the girl behind the counter stopped what she was doing, setting down the socks she was darning while her nose went high in the air like a bloodhound as she took a deep sniff with her eyes glassed over, you grinned. 

Target acquired.

“Can I help you?” Her voice was soft and kind, and her smile as she rose to her feet from the chair helped settle any trepidation you felt about reaching out.

People hadn’t always been kind about your hobby, for one reason or another, hence why you came with bribes at the ready. But you had a feeling this time would be different. You smirked as she nonchalantly eyed the loaf under your arm.

“Hi! Yeah! I’m the one who restores the toys? I opened up in the old bookstore down the street?” You introduced yourself, and recognition went off behind her eyes at the sound of your name.

“Oh! Joel’s girl!”

Your breath caught in your chest as your head gave a little shake of confusion at the declaration. “What?”

She chuckled somewhat nervously. “No! No, not like that, I mean…. His neighbor. His new lodger. The one in the attic.” She was talking a mile a minute. “Not his ‘his’ girl….” She slapped a palm to her forehead, cradling her head in her hand as she rocked it back and forth before pulling back just enough to look at you conspiratorially. “But can you imagine?”

After a moment of silence where you both simply stared at each other, soft laughter took over, melting the tension between you.

“Let me start over,” she huffed, lowering her hand from her face to extend it to you in greeting. “I’m Jane. Nice to meet you.”

As you shook her hand, you couldn’t help but smile at her antics. “Likewise.”

Jane turned her attention back down to the socks she had abandoned when you came in, fiddling with them absently before she looked back up at you, a soft tint of embarrassment staining her cheeks. “So, what brings you here?”

“Oh! Right.” Setting the loaf on the counter, you shrugged the backpack off your shoulder and set it down beside the bread, fishing out the few stuffed animals Joel had brought back that needed the most help. “I was hoping we could work out a deal. I can do some basic stitching, but even then, Joel and Ellie have compared my work to that of a field medic more than anything.” 

Jane snickered at the comment as she took one of the worn stuffed animals, turning it over in her hands and analyzing it as you continued.

“People trade me all sorts of goods for these, like this loaf.” You gestured to it with a bob of your head, then placed your hand on the still steaming bread. “The baker’s son has a birthday coming up, and she wanted something special. Joel and Tommy don’t always bring back stuffed animals so it wouldn’t be constant work, but I was hoping when they do, I could bring them here, and we could work out some sort of trade system for the repairs-”

“No need,” Jane said, smiling down at the stuffed tiger in her hands. You arched a brow at her, waiting for her to go on, and she finally tore her gaze away from the toy and up to you. “I had one just like this as a kid. Loved it to bits. It looked like it had been through the wars before I lost it, patches everywhere and stuffing missing so it was lumpy…. I learned to sew on that thing.” Jane looked back at the toy again fondly. “I’ll help you. All I ask is that I get to keep this one, and maybe one every few runs if they happen to stumble on any others like I used to have. I…. I had a collection.” 

When she brought her gaze back up to meet yours, her eyes were misty. “It was small, but it was everything to me. Got a new one every year when I was little from my grandparents. Stopped when I hit that certain age where adults deem you too old for those things. Which was fine.” She sniffed, a tear falling silently down her cheek. “Then my grandpa he…. He started having memory issues.” She took a deep, shaky breath, smiling sadly at the toy. “Regressed a certain amount of years…. Just so happened to be when I was a certain age, still, in his mind, and he got me a stuffed toy every year for my birthday, until….”

You reached out, placing your hand over hers. “Keep whatever you want. You don’t even have to do repairs to keep them.” She began to protest, swiping at her tears with the back of the hand still holding the tiger when you squeezed her other hand gently. “The whole reason I’m doing this in the first place is to help bring some joy back into the world. And I want you to be happy, you deserve to be happy, without me lording something over you like demanding a trade in exchange-”

Jane flipped her hand in your grip, squeezing you like you had her. “And doing this will make me happy.” You studied her for a long moment. “Do you know how boring it is to darn a sock?” You snorted a laugh, and she smiled. “Everybody in this damn town needs to take better care of their socks, I swear…. I’m up to my eyeballs in them. Nothing would make me happier than to work on something that would be giving back more to the community than dumb stinky, holey, wool.”

With a nod, you gave her hand still in your grip one firm shake, a grin crawling up your face. “It’s a deal. I’ll try to tackle the easy ones and send the few in need of more love your way. But!” You let go of her hand and held up a finger, wagging it like you were lecturing a petulant child.  “I’m also dropping some of these goods by, too.” Patting the bread on the counter before softly pushing it closer toward her, you laughed at her show stopping grin and good-natured roll of her eyes in response.

“Fine,” she mumbled around the smile, the sound anything but angry. “If you insist.”

A few days later, you’d dropped a few stuffed animals off to her that Joel had stumbled on during patrol, Ellie tagging along with you. She had opted to stay outside the shop while you went in though, leaning against the doorframe by the front window, taking in the sights and sounds of the city street.

“Not a fan of needles,” she mumbled, glancing into the shop as you opened the door to go in.

“This isn’t that kind of needle.”

“I said what I said.”

You didn’t press her on it, just nodded and mumbled an ‘okay’ before disappearing into the shop.

“Hey!” Jane greeted you, pushing aside her current project immediately to make room for the box you were carrying. “Oh, these are cute!” She picked one up in each hand, lifting them up to look at them better before trading them out for another and repeating the process until each patient had been analyzed. “They’ll be easy.” She turned to you with a smile. “I’ll be done by this weekend.”

“No rush!” You assured her as she set the box behind the counter. “If you’re not done until then, you’ll have to leave them with Tommy, though. I’m going out of town with Joel on a run, it’ll take a few days, maybe a week max. We leave tomorrow. Though, no, actually, you can just leave them with Ellie, what am I saying-”

“You’re doing what?” She interrupted you.

Focusing back on her face, you tried to get back on topic. “What? Oh, yeah! We’re going back to where I lived right before Jackson to get the stores of paints and stuff I had. Bucket loads of it, no pun intended.” You turned to look at Ellie over your shoulder. “She’s rubbing off on me in more ways than one, I guess….”

“Is it just you and Joel?”

Her question caught you off guard, pulling your gaze back to her with knit brows. “It was going to be, but the council decided it was a ‘waste of resources’, so we have to take a little group with us. Why?”

“I’m coming with you.” No hesitation, just straight to the point.

Your eyes went wide. “What? Why?”

“You said you lived about a week north, right? Near the university?”

“Yeah. Because of the university, there were storage units nearby, used to be climate controlled before everything, now they’re just enclosed spaces with extra security to keep clickers n’ shit out. I lived in one, worked in another, and stored in a third. Got pretty good at picking locks, too.” You smirked.

Her eyes were wide and serious. “The ones by the north end of campus?”

Your expression went flat. “Don’t tell me….”

“I lived in an abandoned place on the south end of campus.” She had started to grin like a Cheshire Cat. “We probably were within spittin’ distance of each other and didn’t even know it.”

A laugh barked out of your chest, several more tumbling out after it until you were bent over her counter on your elbows, wheezing. Pushing up to rest on your forearms you met her gaze again, amusement on both your faces. “No fucking way.”

“I left a sewing machine behind. It was there when I moved in, and I hope it’s still there and still works, heaven knows, but…. The buildings by the school had power when the Fireflies were there. I’d use it when I could, and I was able to do so much more work. Now that I’m here I could actually make use of it with all that I have on my plate, and the dam giving us electricity….” She sighed dreamily. “I’m going. That’s final.”

Before you could respond, the bell over the door jingled, making you stand up straight and turn to look at the newcomer.

“Everything okay?” Ellie’s voice was soft as she poked her head in, causing you to do a double take. “I heard raised voices.”

You nodded once. “Yeah. Yeah, we’re all good. Just excited. Turns out we lived right by each other before moving here.”

“Oh shit! No way!” She stood up straight with a wide grin, stepping fully into the shop and letting the door close behind her.

“Language,” you scowled.

“Sorry, Miss Fanny,” she looked sheepish, spinning on her heel dramatically before exiting the shop.

You turned back to Jane who looked on amused. “She thinks she’s funny because I use a fanny pack.” Plopping onto a tall stool that sat in front of the counter, you stared at your friend.

Jane let out a low ‘ah’ as if she now understood everything.

Knitting your brows before arching one, you leaned on one elbow on the counter. “What?”

“Why is she outside?” She asked as she fiddled with some projects behind the counter.

“Said she ‘wasn’t a fan of needles’,” you mumbled, air quoting her words as you turned to look back at Ellie through the window. “Whatever that means.”

Jane hummed in understanding, drawing your eyes back to her. “Tommy got really drunk at the bar one night after I first got here. Saying all kinds of shit. People kept walking off because he wouldn’t shut up, so I opted to walk him home to Maria. It wasn’t far, and he’s a good guy. Anyway, on the way to his house, he starts mutterin’ about his brother and his new kid, how they just got back from some failed medical something or other with the Fireflies, most of it was unintelligible.” 

She crossed her arms over her chest, looking at Ellie. You followed her gaze, finding the teen walking back and forth in the shade in front of the building, scuffing her heels as she went, and kicking rocks.

“Then, he got real sad, and said somethin’ about how he’d sent them to the university right after seein’ him for the first time in months. It was to get info on where to go for the medical procedure, I guess. Anyway.” She took a deep breath. “Apparently they got ambushed there, and Joel got stabbed real bad, almost didn’t make it. That girl out there had to care for him for weeks, drag him somewhere safe, stitch him up….”

Your breath caught in your chest as she paused for emphasis, unable to tear your eyes from Ellie as emotion swelled in your gut for your fellow housemates, but especially the tiny redhead on the other side of the glass.

“Tommy was real broken up about it. Said Joel almost died, and he felt like it was his fault. Ellie had to hunt, and somehow got Joel medicine.”

You turned to face Jane again. “How?”

“Those details weren’t real clear.” She shrugged. “Like I said, he was plastered. Maybe this whole story is some drunken imagining, but the way he sounded compared to all the shit he said in the bar?” Her face melted into something between sadness and understanding. “I’m inclined to believe him.” 

She took a hesitant breath, but stopped before letting it out slowly, then closed her eyes for a moment. After another shallow breath, she opened them to focus on you, and tried again, her voice even softer still. 

“We’d made it to his house by this point. Maria had come out and was helping me to get him inside, up the porch steps…. And he just broke down halfway up. Sat down, broke down, and started sobbing. Made it even harder to understand.” She rolled her eyes and you chuckled softly. “He said something about the medicine came at too high a cost. That Ellie paid…. Would be paying….” Jane swallowed roughly, looking to the girl through the window with something akin to admiration, then back at you. “He said it changed her.”

“Changed?” You could only whisper.

“Broke her. He said whatever happened was enough to take a spitfire, and make her an ember.” You both looked back at the teen one last time. “She’s improved a lot. I’ve seen her grow, come out of her shell just since I’ve been here, but…. It’s her eyes. They’re haunted. Whatever happened out there…. It didn’t stay out there. And it ain’t leavin’ anytime soon.”

“That explains a lot. About both of them,” you mused quietly.

“Joel I don’t know much about. He’s just the town grump.”

Despite the dark turn the conversation had taken, you burst out laughing, seeing Ellie turn toward the window at the sound with a grin.

“Everyone keeps telling me that, even him, but I just don’t see it!”

Jane’s face turned up in amusement softly. “Well, maybe you’re just one of the lucky ones like Ellie, and he likes you.”

“I think he tolerates me.” You looked across your shoulder at her, getting back to your feet from the stool you’d been perched on and faced her fully. “I live in his house. It’d be awkward if we hated each other.”

“True,” she grinned smugly.

“What?”

“You’ll figure it out.”

Xxx

Jane came riding up beside you, smiling wider than the canyon you’d passed a few miles back.

“I’m gonna regret askin’ but what in the hell has you happier than a butterfly on a daisy?”

“That’s not a real saying,” Jane mumbled, looking at you through skeptical, knit brows.

“Doesn’t mean it’s not applicable,” you countered, your own brows arched high in challenge. 

With a roll of her eyes and a sigh, Jane circled back to the topic at hand. “We’re out in the open!” She whispered, excitement lacing her tone. “I love Jackson, don’t get me wrong, but it’s so nice to be able to breathe.”

A smirk made its way up your face. “I know what you mean. Problem is you trade security for a great wide unknown. The possibilities of things that can go wrong out here are much scarier than anything in Jackson.”

She pulled a face. “Nothin’s gonna go wrong when we have a man like Joel leading us. He knows what he’s doing.”

“Most of the time,” you mumbled. “The rest he’s just wingin’ it.”

“Heard that,” Joel grumbled as he passed by your other side, pulling in front of you from the back of the group where he was making rounds. “You’re one to talk.” He looked over his shoulder at you, face stoic as ever, but his eyes showed his amusement.

“I know things,” you shot back, head tilted back to look down your nose at him. “Lots of stuff.”

“Oh, I see,” his tone was condescending, but playful. “Stuff.”

“And things.”

“Oh, we mustn't forget the things….”

“Yeah, okay.” You looked to the side with an unamused grin. “Fuck you, Joel.”

“I mean, if you’re offerin’….”

Your jaw dropped as your head turned slowly to face him, eyes wide as you simply stared at him in shock.

He smirked. “What? You can dish it, but you can’t take it?” Joel’s tone was nothing but teasing, his eyes dancing with unspoken amusement.

Narrowing your eyes at him, his smile faltered slightly. “You have no idea what I can take.” Nudging your horse forward to fall into step beside him, you held his gaze with your head high, brow arched. “And I don’t think you want to find out.”

“Whaddya mean?”

“When I push back. You wouldn’t be able to handle it, Joel.”

He cleared his throat. “Look, I was just messing around. This wasn’t supposed to take such a serious turn. I’m sor-”

You couldn’t take it anymore. The laugh tumbled out of your mouth before you could catch it, more and more coming out to join it.

Joel lowered his brows, glaring at you. “That ain’t funny.”

Wheezing, you pointed at him. “You should have seen your face!”

A horse trotting up beside you made you turn, expecting to see Jane once again at your side, but all you were met with was her horse, sans rider. You thought quickly enough to grab the reins and guide it along with you, before you looked back at Joel, finding his eyes already searching the group. Turning, you tried to sit higher in your saddle for a better vantage point, when movement out of the corner of your eye caught your attention.

Near the tree line, Jane struggled in the arms of a man as he yanked her back towards the cover of the woods, none too delicately, one hand over her mouth to keep her quiet.

“Jane!” You yelled at the top of your lungs, and you could see when she heard you, her body going rigid in her captor's hold.

The man yelped, pulling his hand back from her mouth and shaking it. 

She must have bit him. 

Before you could fully process much of anything else, Jane was screaming at the top of her lungs, “Run!” 

The hand was back over her mouth before she could say anything else, the raider pulling them both back until they disappeared into the trees, Jane putting up a violent struggle as they went. 

Not willing to look away from where she disappeared, you called out for Joel, and he was beside you in an instant. His horse picked up on the sudden unease spreading over the group, shifting its weight from foot to foot restlessly.

“We’ll get her, darlin’,” Joel reassured in a low voice. “Don’t you worry. We ain’t-”

Suddenly the entire group was surrounded by raiders, guns and knives of various sizes pointed towards every member of your party, violent threats being traded back and forth from both sides. 

While you had thought your group was large, this bandit raid made your numbers pale in comparison. At least double your head count at first glance, easily. And you had a feeling more were lurking in the shadows somewhere, if what had happened to Jane was any indication. 

You noticed that while several of the men aimed menacing looking rifles at your party, they lacked the magazines full of ammunition to back them up. Leaning toward Joel as subtly as you could when they ordered everyone to dismount their horses, you mumbled under your breath, “They have no bullets.”

He looked at you in confusion for just a moment, brows knit until one of the raiders yelled loudly and pulled his attention away. 

Falling in behind him, you whispered again, “Their rifles. They have no ammunition. No magazines. It’s all for show.” You saw the moment the information registered for him, his shoulders setting a bit broader, and his head held just that much higher.

A raider a few feet to your right was eyeing you skeptically, looking like he might dismount his horse any second and make a move toward you, so you pretended to trip into the back of Joel, smirking into his chest when he caught you.

Without missing a beat, his arm firmly around your shoulders to steady you, Joel went straight for negotiations, trying to talk the men down, offering supplies, whatever they wanted. You weren’t far from Jackson, it was a smart move. You could get back and recoup your losses in no time. But people? You can’t replace them.

“Nah,” the head honcho said with a sarcastic sneer. “We’ve got somethin’ else’n mind.”

You didn’t like the sound of that.

The raider in charge gestured Joel over to a smaller group of his men, which he obeyed reluctantly. After looking down at you for a moment, offering the most subtle nod you’d ever seen a person give, he began to move toward the small group of raiders. 

The boss stopped him just short of the rest and asked him a question in a low voice, which Joel answered softly, shooting you a look which you couldn’t quite read. You couldn’t quite make out what he said, either, but then the head raider decided to make a scene, show who was in charge, and it all made sense. 

In a loud voice, full of bravado and misplaced charisma, the raider turned back to your group with arms spread wide, rifle held lazily in one hand, and called for Joel’s second in command - Will - to hop down and join his ‘fearless leader’. 

Surrounded by the smaller group of thugs, you could tell what the goal was…. They meant to make a spectacle for the rest of you. Take the leaders down, the rest will follow. But Joel didn’t let them get that far. He mumbled something to Will so subtly, you almost missed it, but you saw the younger man’s eyes dart to one of the raider’s guns, and you immediately knew where this was headed.

It all went by in a blur, and yet it was like you could see every detail in painful accuracy. And you couldn’t look away.

In an instant Joel had dropped three of the men in the smaller group surrounding them.

Will another two.

They both had commandeered their own rifles back off of those men, and they were now aimed at the remaining two raiders around their small group. 

The one in front of Joel began to move forward, only making Joel smirk as he jerked the bolt action on the rifle. “Try it.” The raider stopped, making Joel’s smirk only rise higher up his cheek. “Good choice.”

That’s when all hell broke loose. 

It was almost like someone kicked a pile of ants. The stillness of the valley you were in was broken and everyone swarmed at once. A cacophony of sounds clashing all around you. 

You went on autopilot for most of it, simply fighting for your life and that of those in your group. It could have been hours or only minutes later, but the next time you really started to pay attention, or frankly, were able to focus on any one thing in particular, you saw a raider sneaking up on Will a few paces in front of you, and you lifted the rifle you’d snagged off of one of the men you’d taken down.

“Hey, bucko!” The raider froze and turned to you with a sneer, the expression falling off his face when he came nose to nose with the muzzle of your rifle. You cocked the bolt action just for added effect, chambering a bullet as you somehow had found the one locked and loaded gun the raiders had. Hands lifted in surrender, he slowly took a resigned step backwards, grip tightening around the knife still clutched in his right hand. “Drop it,” you ordered, narrowing your eyes at his slight smirk. “Nice and easy, now.”

Will turned to see what the fuss was, his eyes going wide when he realized what had happened. He looked between you and the raider from over the bandit’s shoulder, raising a brow at you in question, but you motioned him on with a jerk of your head to the left, keeping the rifle braced on your right shoulder and aimed at the raider. “I got it. Go help the others.”

Nodding, Will took off toward the remaining chaos, leaving you with the scumbag at the end of your barrel. He started to move after Will but you tisked, taking a step closer. “Not a good idea.” The lowlife hissed through his teeth in aggravation, but you cut him off before he could even start in on an actual sentence. “Knife. Ground. Now.” With a half step forward for emphasis, you gestured toward the field underfoot with your rifle before centering your sights back on their target. 

The man arched his back away from you as you took the small step closer, his hands shooting up higher beside his head. He then began to slowly lower to his haunches to lay the blade on the grass, his other hand still held up in surrender. His eyes flitted from the weapon to something behind you, and before he could set it all the way down, or you could turn to look, an arm wrapped around your neck, cutting off your air supply.

Both the man behind you and the man in front of you laughed, cheering at your misfortune as you dropped your rifle, the weight of the weapon jerking its strap across your shoulders as it fell to your side. 

You clawed at the arm wrapped around your neck, gasping for air, and grunting as you tried to get a shot in with your elbow, but he pinned down your arms with his other arm wrapping around your torso.

A voice close to your ear leered, “Don’t worry, sweetheart. It’ll all be over soon.”

The raider in front of you suddenly started screaming, dropping the blade in his hand in order to clutch his knee, blood pouring violently from a wound made by a large pocket knife you’d know anywhere protruding from its side. 

“Don’t move!”

All three sets of eyes pulled over to find Joel standing just a few feet away, rifle raised and aimed at the raider now in a heap on the ground. His gun swung over to the man still holding you hostage, a dark chuckle rippling out through the chest pressed closely to your spine at the movement, and it made your skin crawl.

“Let ‘er go,” Joel said in a low voice, something dark and menacing thrown right back at the thief trying to steal your life away.

“Nah,” the man said after a minute, amusement heavy in his tone. “We’re just havin’ too much fun, aren’t we, sweetheart?” He tightened his grip around your neck as he pulled you closer, squishing his cheek to yours in mock affection.

You mumbled something as best you could, but it came out all garbled from the pressure on your windpipe.

“Aw, I’m sorry, I’m bein’ mean, aren’t I?” His tone was mocking. He loosened his grip slightly, the arm around your midsection disappearing altogether as he twisted slightly to get a better view of your face. “Now, try that again?”

“I said,” your voice was hoarse from the struggle, so you cleared your throat, shifting your weight slightly as you looked to Joel with wide eyes in mock fear. “I said-” In one smooth motion, you swung the butt of your rifle up and back, and slammed the man in the face, squinting when blood sprayed out of his mouth and onto your cheek.

Taking the opportunity, you elbowed him in the ribs, before stomping on his foot, spinning around once his arm around your neck released you and kneeing him in the crotch. 

Stepping closer to him once he fell to his knees cradling his damaged manhood, you looked down at him as you wiped his blood from your cheek with the back of your sleeve. “I said fuck you.”

With a quick jerk of your knee to his face, the raider fell backwards, out cold. You turned to face his friend who laid in a ball on the ground, hands gripped tightly around the knife still protruding from his knee.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” He began to try and scramble back, looking to Joel for some sort of help as you approached.

Joel only shrugged, looking at you with wide eyes for just a moment before turning back to the poor man. “Hell hath no fury ‘n all that….”

Kneeling in front of the man, you smiled disarmingly sweet. Reaching out to grip the knife, you looked up at Joel. “This yours?” Lifting a brow at your rhetorical question, you knew very well it was his, he nodded. With a yank, you pulled it out of the man’s leg, his screams cut short when you elbowed him in the face, knocking him out like his companion.

Lifting your rifle slightly, Joel began to make a fuss, “Darlin’, they’re down-” but he stopped when you over exaggeratedly clicked on the safety, lifting a sarcastic brow at him. Rising to your feet, you wiped the blade off on your jeans before closing it and handing it back to Joel.

He took it cautiously, watching as you rubbed at your throat with a wince. “Thanks.”

“No, thank you. If you hadn’t shown up and distracted them, I wouldn’t have been able to get the jump on ‘em.”

He looked at the two men before looking back at you, his eyes flitting down to the rifle for the briefest of moments. “Looks like you would’ve been just fine.”

You leaned in closer to him, adjusting the weapon’s strap across your chest. “Take the compliment, Joel.”

He grinned softly. “Yes ma’am, Miss Fanny.”

You groaned at the nickname. “You know what? I don’t even really mind.”

It looked like Joel wanted to say more, but other members of your group came running up, looking around frantically only to find all the enemies already taken care of.

“We didn’t hear any shots,” Will said absently, staring at the two motionless forms on the ground after a wary glance. “Thought you might need some help.” After a long moment of silence, he looked from you, to Joel, then the raiders. “They still alive?” He pointed toward the men, one of them stirring with a pained moan.

“Only just,” Joel mumbled, watching the one man begin to roll to his side, the one who had held on to you, before his gaze flicked to the other, noticing his breaths becoming shallower and shallower. Gesturing to the latter with his rifle still held in his hands, he looked back up at Will. “That one’s not longed for this world if you don’t get something to stop the bleedin’. Need information from both, preferably.”

Will nodded, motioning to the others with a nod of his head, quickly moving toward the raiders.

You had turned toward Joel, your back to the men when a twisted voice rose up behind you, slurring around laughter as if it knew the funniest joke in all the world. 

“Well, sweetheart, I’m just so goddamn sorry things didn’t work out ‘tween us.” 

Joel glared at the raider over your shoulder. “Stop talking, asshole,” he grumbled, rolling his eyes as he took a step closer to the man, slightly in front of you. Turning to face the man yourself, you thought you’d steeled yourself for whatever you’d see, but the twisted smirk you were met with made your stomach drop. 

Laughter turned to wheezing, wet coughs before the man spit off to the side in front of him, blood painting the ground an ugly, violent color. He lifted his head just enough to look at you again, snickering as he peered through his lashes. “I had such plans for you….”

“I said be quiet,” Joel’s voice had grown more firm, and he opted to step to the side, obscuring your view of the creep instead of taking any steps closer.

“Oh, but they were nothin’ compared to what we were gonna do to that little friend of yours…. That blonde? Whoo! She was feisty!”

“Can somebody shut him the fuck up!” Joel bellowed, turning to the group simply standing by and watching the exchange.

Will shrugged off his outer layer flannel, balling it up as he stomped toward the man and began to shove it in his mouth.

The man weaseled back away from the cloth, shouting with wild eyes, “You’ll never find her!” His following laughter was muffled around the material, manic and unhinged.

“Will, I need you to….” Joel trailed off when you put a hand on his shoulder, pushing him to the side gently. He tried to stop you walking towards the lunatic, but you met his gaze with your own, unwavering, and he let you go, following close behind, one hand adjusting his grip on his rifle as he held it loosely just in case.

Kneeling down in front of the man, you got close to his face. “What did you do with Jane?” Your voice was so low and quiet, you barely recognized it.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” The man mumbled around the shirt, eyes wild and sure of himself. 

Looking down toward the ground, you huffed out an unamused laugh. “I’m going to ask you one more time,” you lifted your gaze to look at him straight on again, “and you’re going to tell me, or else my friends are going to be not so nice to you.” The man scoffed. “What did you do…. with Jane?”

The man leaned forward, his nose almost touching yours. “Go fuck yourself, bitch.”

Without hesitation, you slammed Joel’s pocket knife you’d swiped from his jacket a moment ago into the man’s hand where it rested on the ground with your left hand, yanking the shirt out of his mouth as he screamed with your right, and tackled him backwards onto the ground, pinning your right forearm against his throat. As he struggled against your hold, you twisted the knife still gripped tightly in your hand, making him settle into the dirt.

“Okay! Okay! Okay! Fuck! Just stop!” He looked at Joel with wide, wild eyes. “Get the bitch off me!” 

You noticed some of your party moving toward you, but they stopped with a hand motion from Joel.

He studied you with an unreadable expression before looking back at the man and jutting his chin toward you. “Tell her what she wants t’know.”

“Get her off me first!”

“Talk!” You growled, digging your arm in further, making him gasp. When he turned a defiant look up your way, your knee ‘slipped’ where you straddled him and landed dangerously close to his ego once again.

“Okay, okay, goddamn!” He wheezed, collapsing fully into the ground below him, eyes fluttering shut as his face twisted in pain. 

It was all you could do to repress the triumphant smirk wanting to crawl up your face, your brows arching in amusement instead.

“She’s back at our camp. ‘Least that’s where we left her. Don’t know how she’d move much after what boss did, though.” He looked back up at you again, everything about his expression amused, and nothing seemed to dull it, even as you pressed your arm harder into his throat, only causing his words to take on a sinister hiss. “He stuck her good. You think this little knife is somethin’, you should see the one he used on-” his words trailed off on a gurgled chuckle as you continued to lean into him.

“Hey,” Joel’s calm voice near your ear made you pause, staring down at the creep. “We need him alive, darlin’. Stop.” A warm strong hand gripping your upper arm firmly made you lift off the man just slightly, glaring down at him as he sucked in a breath and started coughing, grinning up at you triumphantly. He hissed with a wince when you yanked out the knife, bringing the hand close to his chest to hold it tight with his other, and wrapped it haphazardly with the flannel Will had shoved in his mouth to stop the bleeding. 

“You Jacksoner’s are all the same,” he shook his head in amusement. “Bleeding hearts, all of ya!” He grinned up at the group in the most sinister way you’d ever seen. “And that is why you’re all gonna burn.”

At that, Joel was yanking you off the raider and pulling him up to a seated position with both hands twisted into his jacket, getting right into his face with the most menacing voice you’d heard yet. “What did you just say?”

The man just smiled a tight lipped smile, eyebrows shooting up before he used his good hand to pantomime locking his mouth and tossing away the key.

“They had a bunch of dead guns. No ammunition. How in the hell were they planning to do something to Jackson?” You mused offhandedly, mostly talking to yourself.

“Guns ain’t the only way to make somebody bleed,” the freak singsonged, looking at you gleefully.

You glared at him. “I liked you better out cold.”

He guffawed. “I liked you better up close….”

Joel gave the man a forceful shake by the front of his shirt still in his grip. “What’d I say?” The man rolled his head back to Joel with a bored look, his lips twitching up just slightly. “Y’either start talkin’ ‘bout somethin’ important I want t’hear about, or I’ll reach my hand so far down your Goddamn-”

“This one’s not doing well, Joel,” one of the party mentioned, checking the pulse of the other raider. “We need to get them back to camp.”

The man in Joel’s grip slowly melted into a wide grin. “Looks like you need me now more than ever.”

Joel began to smirk, and it made the raider’s sure grin falter. “Yeah, but that can change real quick.” He shoved the man back, rising to his full height before turning back toward you and walking quickly. A hand closing around your arm once again, you followed where it led. 

“Get them to camp. Will, get a party of four together and come with us to go get Jane. The rest of these assholes are dead, there’s no one to keep her there anymore. She probably tried to run, and if she’s injured, we need to spread out and cover as much ground as possible.” 

He stopped, looking over his shoulder when no one was moving. “Let’s go!”

When he turned to look down at you, you saw something in his eyes close to fear. “We’ll find her, Joel.”

He held your gaze as he kept moving you further away from the scene. “I know, darlin’.” He looked forward again, walking a bit faster. “I know. Now let’s get goin’. Sun’s gonna be settin’ real soon.”

Xxx

As the two of you made your way in the direction the thug had sent you in, your mind began to wander.

“What if it’s the wrong direction, Joel?”

“He said go east-”

“No, I know.” You closed your eyes briefly as you took in a sharp breath through your nose before looking forward once again. “But what if he lied?”

Joel sighed, looking down at his feet as he continued to walk. “Darlin’,” he looked deep in thought but also at a loss for words at the same time. It was such an inextricably Joel thing to do, it almost pulled a smile up one side of your face.

Almost.

Glancing over his shoulder toward the small group that was following along to help, the rest staying behind with the two assholes, he then took a step closer to you, speaking in a low voice.

“He very well may’ve.” When your eyes went wide, Joel was quick to continue on. “But,” he smiled at your now narrowed glare. “I’ve been patrolling these hills for a few years, now. Never out this far, mind you, but I know the general area. There’s a stream that runs not far from here. Anyone with any brains would camp near it. I know the worlds gone t’shit, but I refuse to believe we as a species have fallen that far that fast.”

His smile spread a little further at your soft chuckle.

“Touché, Miller. Touché.”

Grinning like a child, Joel turned back to the rest of the group, his expression turning stony in an instant. “The rest of you, fan out!” His voice was a low hiss. “Keep quiet and keep aware. These trees are dense from here on out to the creek. Keep a lookout. I’m not responsible for your own stupidity.”

Good-natured eye rolls went around as the few people spread into the trees starting to populate the clearing you’d been passing through.

Joel grabbed your arm when you went to take a step forward. “Not you.” He shook his head gently when you looked up at him. “You’re coming with me.”

“I’ll stay within sight,” you argued, pulling your arm from his grip. “I’m not a child, Joel.”

“No, you don’t-”

“I can take care of myself.” Taking a few steps forward into the tree line, you looked for any signs of life, but before you could get far, Joel’s voice was at your ear again. 

“Don’t-”

He yanked you back into him, making you stumble into his chest. Lifting your head up to glare at him, you came nearly nose to nose as he looked down at you and you looked up at him. Your breath stopped, catching in your chest as your eyes scanned his face.

“Tripwire,” he mumbled, his eyes firmly watching your lips as they moved soundlessly in shock.

“Thanks,” you finally managed, closing your mouth and clearing your throat.

Joel nodded.

You went to take a step back, looking over your shoulder towards the trap, but his grip on your upper arm wouldn’t let you move. 

Turning back to look at him in question, your curious expression melted when you found him even closer than before, his eyes cast down as his nose lightly bumped the side of yours.

The distance continued to close, only a breath left between you when a faint scuffle then a thud was heard, making you both pull apart like lightning.

Turning, the two of you saw Will suspended upside down by his ankle from a nearby tree.

“Careful. Tripwire,” you grinned.

Will smirked sardonically, arms coming to cross over his chest after batting away his flannel outer layer that hung in his face since he was inverted - he’d dug out a spare from his bag after using his original to shove into the mouth of the crazy raider. “We found a blood trail.”

The smile fell off your face as your gut sank. “That’s-”

“A good thing,” Will cut you off. “Means she was moving. She was alive.” After a loaded moment of shared looks, he cleared his throat. “Can someone cut me down, please? I’m getting woozy.”

Xxx

You only encountered a few stragglers at the camp, Joel earning some bloody knuckles and you a black eye, but the remaining members of the bandit group lay in lifeless heaps at the feet of your group when it was all said and done. There was no chance for prisoners, they weren’t going to be taken alive. 

Which meant that one idiot back at the camp who’d tried to kill you had to stay alive if you wanted any answers.

The thought of that made you start to hyperventilate. 

Which wasn’t like you.

You took everything in stride, this new world required it, but suddenly you felt his arm around your neck again, and you began to claw at the phantom limb, gasping for air as tears began to stream silently down your face.

You couldn’t look anywhere without seeing a body, violence, bloodshed….

Can’t breathe….

Everything blurred by as you faintly registered your feet moving you forward, a warm hand around your forearm pulling you gently along before the firm press of tree bark met your back with a gentle thump.

The soft trace of rough, callused fingers making their way past your cheeks to rest behind your ears drew a shiver from your bones. “I’ve got you. You’re okay. You’re good. It’s over. I’m here.” Joel’s mumbled words vibrated somewhere in front of you, desperately grasping at you to give you something to hold onto. Cradling your face in his hands, Joel stood toe to toe with you. He took a small step closer and leaned down, pressing his forehead to your own as you fought for air. “Nothing’s gonna get you. I won’t let it.”

The phantom touch of that asshole’s arm around your throat still constricted your airway, threatening to make the world cave in.

Joel reached up to gently grab your hands still frantically clawing at your throat, placing them on either side of his ribcage, and you clutched onto his flannel under his jacket for dear life. The warmth from his body heat radiated into your palms and sent a wave of something down to your toes. Worrying the threadbare fabric between your fingers mindlessly, Joel seemed to notice and step even closer still, enough that a deep enough breath would close the distance. 

Though, as you thought about it, how he still had room to maneuver any further into you was a mystery, you didn’t even know it was possible. It seemed like every part of you was wrapped up in every part of him.

His voice drew your thoughts back to the present. “Hey, hey. Shhhh…. No more. He’s gone.” Did his voice just crack? “It’s over.” His voice grew a little firmer, if not quieter. “It’s over.”

If only he knew, you weren’t struggling to breathe because of the remnants of a panic attack anymore. No, now it was his proximity. His warm breath fanning across your face as he mumbled words of peace. The press of his skin against yours as he cradled your face so gingerly.

Time stopped, the world ceased its spinning, and suddenly all that was left was this right here between the two of you. This quiet moment, in the middle of a forest, painted in violence and hope, in fear and tenacity, in…. Vibrant shades of both of you.

Will walked up around the tree quietly, clearing his throat softly. “Some of these men were dead long before we got here.”

“Jane,” you smiled. 

“That girl sure is a spit fire,” Joel remarked with his own grin, pulling away from you just slightly, but still keeping you in his hold.

Turning to Will, you steeled your shoulders. “Take me to the blood trail.”

Xxx

It took all of ten minutes of tracking to find Jane leaning against a tree with her back to you, heaving breaths as the right side of her shirt was stained crimson. The violent splotch was spreading, whatever wound obviously still angry and weeping under her white shirt, her outer layer long gone and forgotten in the chaos by now. 

“Jane?” You called out softly from several yards back. A twig snapped under foot, causing a flock of birds in the trees above to startle and take flight in a whir of wings and wind.

She whirled around, knife held out in front of her at the ready, eyes wide and wild from the adrenaline. When she realized who it was, relief washed over her features so strongly it brought tears to your eyes. She dropped the blade to the ground with a clatter and slumped the side of her shoulder against the tree with a huff.

“Took you long enough,” she breathed in amusement, turning so her back was to the tree with her head thrown back, her face toward the sky, wincing in pain.

Before you could even make a move towards her, Will was there helping her back to her feet, scooping her up bridal style and carrying her back towards camp, her head on his shoulder as she went limp, finally able to rest.

Will glanced back when no one else moved. “Come on!” He whisper shouted. “She needs help as soon as possible, or I’m going to-” He caught himself. “We’re going to lose her.”

As the group moved in unison behind a speedwalking Will, you glanced up at Joel in amusement. “Do you think he knows?”

Joel shook his head with a grin. “Everyone else does, so no, probably not.”

You chuckled, despite the situation. It was probably the relief that she was alive finally catching up with you. “That girl’s got his number.”

Huffing a laugh, Joel looked at the back of Will’s head as he rapidly disappeared at the front of the group. “Wrapped around her little finger like those little things she uses to protect herself when she sews back at her shop. Oh, what’re they called?”

You stared at him for a long moment before quietly suggesting in hesitation, “Thimbles?”

Joel slapped his thigh before pointing at you with a renewed grin. “That’s the one!”

With a shake of your head, you turned back to face forward and head up toward the front with your friends. “Ellie was right. You’re losing it, old man.”

“Ain’t old,” he grumbled, his face instantly turning sour. “Jus‘ ‘xperienced.”

“Then you should know all the words, Joel.” You smirked. “No excuses.”

“I do know all the words,” he groused. “That’s the problem. I know too much, my brain can’t keep up.”

You turned to face him, walking backwards. “Sure. That’s the problem.”

“I know things,” he shot back, echoing your words from earlier, his head tilted back to look down his nose at you in a mirror image as he continued to mock your earlier statement. “Lots of stuff.”

“Oh, I see,” your tone was condescending, but playful as you mimicked him right back. “Stuff.”

“And things.” He was trying so hard not to smile.

You were not, letting the grin spread broadly across your face. “Oh, we mustn't forget the things….”

“Yeah, okay.” Joel looked to the side to try and hide his amused grin. “Fuck you, darlin’.”

“I mean, if you’re offerin’….”

His head snapped back to look at you in surprise as you threw his words right back at him yet again. Joel opened his mouth to refute, but you cut him off with a grin. 

“I’m going to go make sure he doesn’t promise her his house or something. Boy would give her half of Jackson if he could.”

“He can have your half, you jackass,” Joel grumbled playfully as you turned back to face the front of the group. “Mine ain’t for sale. Don’t care how pretty you are.”

You glanced over your shoulder, fluttering your lashes ridiculously. “You think I’m pretty?”

“I meant her,” Joel gestured to your friends with his rifle still loosely gripped in his hands, strap slung over his shoulders, at the ready just in case, like always. “Ain’t nothin’ pretty ‘bout what you just said.”

“I only spoke the truth.”

“You’re only makin’ it worse.”

Xxx

The sun was setting by the time Joel was able to pry you away from Jane. You hadn’t wanted to leave her side as Will took it upon himself to treat and dress her wound. 

You held her hand as she grunted in pain while he disinfected the area with a bottle of alcohol someone had brought, then stitched it up. Luckily the blade had missed anything vital, and hadn’t been rusty, thank goodness.

So far this whole trip had been getting by by the skin of your teeth, and that didn’t bode well with you. 

Once she fell asleep, Joel coaxed you over to a clearing not too far away for a breath. A bucket full of water from the nearby stream had been brought to wash the blood off your hands.

Staring down at the water as it turned pink under your touch, tinged with the blood of your friend, you looked up when a shadow crossed over the little bit of sunlight left in the day.

Joel stood just in front of the dying light, backlit and a silhouette as he extended a…. rock? to you.

“That creek is fed from the mountains. Snow melt. Coldest thing around. Best alternative to ice we’ve got right now.” You narrowed your brows at him, making him sigh in frustration. “For your eye,” he said as if it were obvious. 

“Oh,” you said dumbly and took it, lightly resting it against your left eyebrow where you felt the worst of the black eye forming. The cool, smooth stone instantly offered some relief for an ache you hadn’t even realized you had, making you groan softly, and shut your eyes with a grateful sigh. “Thank you.”

He nodded. “Mmm-hmm.” The side of his mouth twitched up as he lowered himself to the ground beside you with a quiet groan. “T’ain’t nothin’.”

Pulling the stone away to examine it for a moment, you arched a brow when Joel slowly pressed it back to your head. “Don’t work if you don’t keep it there, darlin’.”

“Really?” You said as sarcastically as you could muster.

“Huh-uh,” he confirmed with a gentle shake of his head, keeping the stone pressed firmly to your skin. “It’s not a comfort by osmosis thing.”

“No healing by proxy?” You groused, despite the smile working its way up your face, your one good eye squinting from the held back laughter you were just managing to reign in as you looked up at him.

The corner of his mouth lifted so high a dimple creased his cheek. “Now wouldn’t that be somethin’,” he mused softly. 

The two of you sat in comfortable quiet for a long moment, his hand still holding the rock to your head gently until you finally decided it was time to break the silence.

“So what’s the plan from here, Mr. partially-in-charge-of-security?”

Joel’s hand fell from you with a sigh as he shook his head slightly in disbelief, his gaze turned forward as if he couldn’t even bear to look at you after an attempt at a joke that bad. “I’ve been goin’ over it in my head since we left their camp-”

“That must’ve been painful,” you muttered, grinning innocently when he cut his eyes over to you.

They shut briefly with another loaded sigh before they fluttered open and he turned to look at the forest on his right while he continued. “Best I can come up with-” he held a finger up in front of your face without a glance back your way. “I don’t wanna hear it.”

You stared at his finger inches from your nose. “I wasn’t-” You totally were. 

The finger began to wag as his head rolled back to level you with a look. “Now, we both know that’s a lie, darlin’.” You shrank under his continued stare and he went on. “Best I can think of is to send the majority back home since we’re still so close to Jackson. Have them protect Jane and those two raiders we got to interrogate.” His arms were propped up on his bent knees, and his fist clenched at the mention of the thugs.

After he stared off vacantly for a moment, he brought his gaze back onto you. “That means the cart is going to have to go back with them, though. Jane’s in no condition to walk, and you did a number on asshole number one.” He chuckled. 

“Don’t even worry about the cart,” you waved him off. “Jane is more important. What about asshole number two?” Rubbing your throat absently with the hand not holding the rock to your head, you stared into the trees straight ahead before you realized what you were doing and lowered your hand, turning your gaze back to Joel. “He can still walk just fine.” You tilted your head in thought for a moment. “May be a little bit more of a waddle, but….”

Joel chuckled darkly, hanging his head as his shoulders shook with the laughter. Finally he looked up at you through his lashes, a conniving expression twinkling in his eyes. “Let the little ugly duckling waddle back, then.”

“How will we be sure he doesn’t waddle off?”

“I’ve been known to tie a knot or two in my day.”

As the novelty of the whole situation wore off, you turned to face Joel a bit more fully, letting the hand that held the rock fall from its spot against your face to rest in your lap, ignoring Joel’s scowl in protest. 

“You said most of the group. Joel, we should all go back. Safety in numbers. Making sure everyone is safe is more important than my paint-” 

“Safety in numbers. Exactly. That’s why most’f’em are goin’ back. We only need a few t’do this run. It also made us a target bein’ such a big group. The council made a shit decision ‘bout that. There’s a reason patrols’re only two people.” He looked out at the woods again. “It was temptin’ to leave it just the two’f us as originally planned, but, after yesterday, even you could see the perks’f havin’ a few extra people should somethin’ happen.”

“Quality not quantity.”

Joel bobbed his head, his eyes shining proudly as you understood. “‘xactly.”

Something wasn’t sitting right. “But what about the threats, Joel? They said somethin’ about Jackson was gonna burn….”

“People say all kinds o’shit when you’ve got a pocket knife in one hand n’your knee pinnin’ their crotch to the dirt.”

You let out a snort, unable to contain your laughter at his blunt explanation. “Can’t say you’re wrong there.”

Joel leaned back with a contented sigh, propping his arm up on his bent leg. “I’m never wrong.”

You let out another snort of laughter, more bubbling up and out when he shot you a glare. 

Xxx

That night, just as the sun began to set, Joel slammed the back tailgate of the cart shut after helping Jane up into it.

“You good?” He asked quietly, his voice soft and kind.

“I’ll be fine. Thank you, Joel.” Jane reached out a hand to rest on his shoulder. 

“Not worried ‘bout you, sweetheart,” he mumbled, his eyes darting over to the wounded raider sitting as far from him as he could get in the front corner of the cart. The bandit cowered under his stare but stayed silent. “Was more worried ‘bout him.” Joel looked at Jane pointedly as he explained, his head tilted forward while he looked at her through his lashes and arched brows.

“Like I said,” Jane spoke firmly, her voice low and even as she turned to look at the asshole, making him cower even further. “I’ll be fine.”

“Whaddabout me?” The second bandit who had tried to choke you said loudly and amusedly from where he stood behind the cart a few feet away from Joel, his hands bound by one end of rope and the other end tied to the back of the cart. “Do I get a send off from tall, dark and brooding?”

Joel turned to him without even fully looking at the man, cocking his rifle as he spoke on a tired sigh. “That can be arranged.”

The raider guffawed as he stumbled back a few steps, Joel striding forward the ground he lost, while you stepped in between, hands extended.

“Stop. There’s no time for this.” Turning to face Joel, you lowered your arms. “Joel, let the little shit leave.”

The raider’s voice rose behind you like a forgotten tendril of smoke, thin and pungent, just enough to remind you it was there. “Ain’t nothin’ little ‘bout me, darlin’.”

Without a second thought, you whirled around and clocked the thug in the eye, making him stumble back further, the rope stretching to its limit and yanking him forward to his knees.

“Except your brain, apparently.” You shook out your hand to your side, the impact from the punch leaving a searing sting across your knuckles. “You don’t get to call me that.”

“What do I get to call you then?” The man sneered, bringing his bound hands up to swipe at his face.

You took a step closer, smirking, and enjoyed how the amused sparkle in his eyes faltered slightly at the sight. “Whatever you say when you’re begging for your life, tough guy.”

The man swallowed nervously, despite his narrowed eyes of contempt. “I don’t beg for anything. From anyone. ‘specially not you.”

You let your eyes travel up and down the length of him slowly in an unnerving appraisal. “We’ll just see about that. Won’t we, Joel?”

“Lookin’ forward t’hearin’ just how loudly he won’t beg….” Joel mused behind you.

“Fuck. You,” the man hissed.

“No. Thanks,” you sneered back.

Will pulled your attention away as he stepped up on the wheel of the cart to lean in beside Jane, his weight making the whole thing squeak under the pressure. “Are you sure you don’t need me to come with you to keep this asshole in line?” He jerked his head toward the guy tethered at the back.

Jane smiled and patted Will’s cheek lightly. “I think I’ll be just fine. Like I told Joel.” Her eyes flicked between the two of them. Her voice sickly sweet. “Now if you two don’t stop coddling me, one of you is going to be injured and sitting beside me on this trip back to Jackson. So shut,” she looked at Will, “your,” Joel, “piehole.” She looked at you.

You raised your hands in surrender. “Me? “ They turned out in question. “What did I do?!”

She shrugged, her head tilting just slightly. “It was preemptive.” Leaning towards Will again, she kissed him on the cheek, smiling when he began to sputter and turn six shades of red. “Stay with Joel. He needs you here more than he’ll admit.”

“I heard that,” Joel grumbled, walking past the end of the cart as he began to check in with the rest of the group.

“Good. You were meant to,” Jane grinned, lurching slightly as the cart began to move forward, Will jumping from the wheel before it could turn fully.

As the bandit walked past Will, he turned to him with a sadistic grin. “Don’t I get a goodbye kiss, handsome?”

“Sure,” Will said with a disarming smile, making the other man stumble for a moment. The next he was stumbling further after Will sucker punched him in the mouth. “How was that? Was it good for you, too?”

The raider in the cart was looking on wide eyed, but you caught him grinning slightly at the exchange, looking away quickly to try and hide it when Will glanced his way.

Jane was laughing as the cart began to disappear into the sunset. Her head thrown back, eyes closed, hand over her stomach type laughter. “Don’t make me laugh! It hurts!”

Will gave a dopey grin as he watched them disappear into the dying light, Jane and the bandit tied to the back of the cart bickering back and forth about nonsense that you couldn’t quite make out at this distance, but you could tell she wasn’t taking any shit.

“She’ll be okay.” You walked up to Will, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah, I know.” He was distant, his mind a million miles off. “I know.”

Xxx

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[skoulsons]

Thinking about winter and their physical affection and now literally none of these happen under happy circumstances.

[lionlena]

Unforgivable mistake (JoelMillerxreader) Part 5

Summary: Reader is much younger than Joel and is in love with  him. One night, after arguing with Tess and getting drunk, Joel spends  the night with a reader, but in the morning he breaks her heart…  She  runs away from Boston hoping that she will never meet this cold bastard  again in her life. But almost six years later, she unexpectedly sees  Joel in Jackson. She decides to hide herself and her little secret from  this asshole.

Warnings: age gap (reader is about 28 years, Joel 58),  strong language, swearing, past trauma, bullying, attempted rape, memories of sexual abuse, unprotect p in v,  dom!Joel, Joel is asshole, ANGST, hurt, sadness and heartbreaking, sexual harassment, women abuse, violence

(but this chapter is more fluff)

Part 5

As soon as you left the Jackson gates, you felt like you could breathe again. You left all that shit behind. Maybe it was a bit like running away from your problems, but you needed it. You didn't feel up to the consequences of Joel's actions. And you knew they would be. Anderson still had friends in town who would start whispering behind your back. They'll be looking at you and Joel. There will be rumors and lies. You weren't prepared to fight these people yet. You shifted in the saddle and hugged your son tighter, who was sitting in front of you. You suddenly heard his mournful whine.

"What happened baby?"

"Why Ellie and Joel can't come with us? Is it because I told Joel about Mr. Anderson?"

Your heart broke at the confession of your sweet little one. You immediately kissed his head. "No honey, it's because Anna and Toby don't know them."

"But they might."

"Yes, but first you have to politely ask if they want to meet them."

"Hmm..."

Seeing that your little son is not convinced, you decided to direct his attention to something else.

"Aren't you excited to see your grandparents? Why don't we ask Grandpa Toby to take you fishing?"

Teddy finally seemed happy and excitedly squealed, "Yes! And we'll bake fish for dinner..."

*

For fifteen minutes, Joel had been staring blankly at the empty stall where the horse you rode, had previously stood. He wasn't happy and he wasn't going to hide it. He didn't like your idea, but at the same time, he didn't want to cross any boundaries. He didn't want to pressure you and upset you. Although it was difficult for him, the whole terrible situation with Anderson paradoxically gave him hope. You stood up for him just as he stood up for you. And you didn't take revenge on him. Even though you had a right to. It all made him look at you differently. He remembered how in Boston sometimes he involuntarily looked at you because you were beautiful and sweet. You were a balm to his weary soul.

He remembered how he brushed your cheek last night and you didn't flinch, you didn't push him away. Though it was probably because you were too focused on his words.

He sighed heavily and grabbed his pitchfork to start cleaning up.

You probably still hated him to the core, and he shouldn't be clinging to a stupid piece of hope.

*

As soon as from a distance you saw a familiar wooden house, you began to smile widely.

Anna and Toby were an elderly couple who lived outside of Jackson. Many times they were offered to move, but they preferred to stay in their home. With Jackson, they maintained friendly relations. They exchanged wares with the locals. That's how you met them. They needed a new horse and came to Jackson with a good deal. Teddy was only 8 months old at the time, and you held him in your arms and showed Toby a horse that might suit him. An older couple was delighted with you and your son, whom they quickly began to treat as their own grandson. In the next trade, Anna gave you a blanket she made for Teddy as a gift.

And that's how your friendship began. You visited them from time to time and they always welcomed you with open arms. You felt right at home.

This time it was the same even though they noticed your bad mood right away.

*

Joel heard a soft laugh behind him. He stopped cleaning the bay mare for a moment and looked back. Ellie was sitting on the straw with a book on her lap. He gave her an offended look.

"What?" he murmured.

"This horse will soon shine like a diamond. The rest of the stable is shining too. Aren't you trying too hard?"

"I just want everything to be done right. I don't want Y/N to be mad when she gets back."

At the mention of your name, the teenage girl suddenly look saddened, Joel took a step towards her.

"Do you think they'll come back?" she asked.

Joel didn't want to let on that these terrifying thoughts were bothering him too. You've already disappeared from his life once for years because he hurt you. What if you did it again? But he didn't want to believe it.

"Of course, they will," he replied quickly. "Teddy has his place here, his friends and us. Y/N wouldn't take it all away from him." Ellie nodded and smiled slightly. "Besides, I would have found her then. I wouldn't have let her just disappear a second time."

The girl nodded and pointed to the horse's leg. "You missed the spot."

He rolled his eyes and muttered, "You'd better help me."

"Forget it!"

*

You sat next to Anna on the porch with a mug of coffee and enjoyed the morning calm. In the early morning Toby took Teddy fishing. Your son was so sleepy and excited at the same time. You were sure the little one would need a nap as soon as they got back, and that would give you another two hours of rest.

"So," Anna suddenly began, "Joel is Teddy's father?"

You jumped and nearly spilled your coffee.

"What?" you choked out. "How did you come to that?"

The woman looked at you indulgently. "I've lived in this world for almost seventy years. I see a lot of things. Teddy talks about him all the time. He spends a lot of time with him, but at the same time, you haven't even mentioned him. This suggests to me that Joel is not your new partner, who gets along great with your son. If he's not your partner, I don't believe you'd let a strange man babysit your child. That would be disturbing. So?"

You sighed heavily and nodded your head. "Yeah... Joel is that asshole from Boston who is Teddy's father."

"But he's good for Teddy?"

You looked at her slightly offended. "You know I'd kill him if he hurt him, but... The truth is that Joel is very tender and loving around him. So much so that sometimes it hurts to me saw this." Anna grabbed your hand and gave you a comforting squeeze. "He's not such an asshole anymore... In fact, he's really changed. He... Two days ago he stood up for me and even apologized to me."

Your voice trembled towards the end, which the woman didn't miss. "What's bothering you dear? Don't get me wrong, I'm always happy when you visit us, but this time I feel like we're just an excuse. You're running from something."

You swallowed and muttered, "He's wondering if I'll ever forgive him, and I... I don't know. His presence reminds me of the bad times as well as the good ones. He wasn't always an asshole to me. You know, he helped me sometimes. I was so stupid that sometimes I would take jobs too hard for me just to see him. Like digging trenches. I wasn't making my quota and... He would do it for me. Or he showed me how to hold tools. Now he's doing it again. He's helping me. And again... I feel my heart speed up at the sight of him and I feel warmer and... It shouldn't be like this. I should hate him. What he did should be unforgivable."

You felt a tear roll down your cheek and you wiped it furiously.

"So, you don't want to forgive him."

"If I forgive him, it means I've come to terms with what he did to me."

Anna shook her head. "No. You see, forgiveness is like a broken cup. If someone you love breaks your favorite cup, you have four choices. Not to forgive, give them the broken pieces and tell them to get out of the house. Or you can forgive, accept the loss and throw the broken pieces in the trash. But you can also forgive and not accept the loss. You can glue the pieces together even if the cup is no longer usable, and it will remind you of the loss. Have you seen that glued cup that stands above the fireplace?" You nodded your head. "I destroyed it when I found out Toby cheated on me."

You looked at her shocked. "Toby? Really?"

Anna laughed slightly. "He wasn't always as saintly as he is now. I forgave him but never reconciled that he did this to me, and the glued cup was a reminder to him that I can fix a cup that broke once, but if he does it a second time, then there will be no going back."

You nodded your head and asked, "And the fourth option?"

"The fourth is the worst. You just leave the broken pieces, but you have to remember that the longer those pieces lie on the floor, the greater the chance that somebody innocent will step on them and cut themselves."

You looked ahead and went back to drinking your coffee. Anna gave you a lot to think about.

*

"Fuck, Tommy, just tell me where exactly it is!"

Joel was losing patience with his brother, who consistently refused to tell him where exactly you were.

"They've been gone for four days. Teddy is small and Y/N was nervous. What if she got the wrong way? Or if..."

"Y/N knows the way and..." Tommy sighed and murmured, "Joel, I really understand you. I'd be worried about my baby too, but..."

"Wait! You know?"

Tommy laughed. "Maria told me, but even if she hadn't told me, what would I believe that my brother is playing babysitter just because he likes his neighbor?"

Joel sighed heavily and rubbed his neck. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because then I'd have to acknowledge what you've done," he muttered reluctantly. "Accept what a dick you were."

Joel snorted. "It's easy to judge when you're in nice, clean Jackson, not smelly Boston, where morality isn't something you value. I'm not proud of what I did, but I want to fix it, and I want to be sure, that my baby and his mother are safe!"

Tommy sighed heavily. "Okay. Tomorrow I'll go with you to where she's supposed to be. Satisfied?"

"Yes."

*

You gave Anna a tight hug and Toby put Teddy on the horse.

"I packed you a honey," she said.

"Thank you, for everything."

She smiled at you and gently stroked your cheek. "Whatever you've decided, I know it's the right decision."

You said goodbye to Toby and he helped you onto the horse.

Teddy was obviously a little sad to be leaving his grandparents, but at the same time, he was happy that you guys were coming home. Once you were close, you decided to surprise him.

"You know what I'm thinking baby?"

"About what, mommy?"

"Why don't we go over to Ellie and Joel's and make honey cakes with them?"

"Yes!"

Your son started bouncing with happiness and you smiled.

*

Joel was just finishing packing his backpack when he heard a knock on the door.

"Ellie, open it, it must be Tommy!"

Instead of his brother's voice, he heard a joyful, childish scream and immediately dropped everything he was doing. As soon as Teddy saw him, he let go of Ellie and ran towards to man. Joel immediately grabbed him and lifted him up.

"I missed you!" the boy shouted.

"I missed you too 'bear cub', a lot."

The toddler rested his head in the crook of Joel's neck and sighed contentedly. You couldn't help but smile slightly at the sight. Your son and Joel acted like they hadn't seen each other for five months instead of five days.

"We met Tommy on the way," you said and gave Joel a suggestive look.

He shifted his son onto his hip and rubbed the nape of his neck with his free hand. You saw he was confused. "I was worried," he murmured.

"He was sick of cleaning the horses! Or they were sick of him," Ellie stated.

"Ellie!"

The girl stuck her tongue out at him, which amused Teddy, who suddenly remembered what you came for.

"Mom, cookies!"

"Ah yes!" You showed a jar of honey and said, "Anna gave me this and I thought we could make honey cookies, together."

"Fucking awesome!" the girl shouted.

"Ellie," Joel hissed. "Not in front of the little one."

You smiled slightly. You liked that Joel cared about such things, but you weren't going to scold the teenage girl. Instead, you asked, "Do you have everything in the kitchen? Flour, eggs, butter?"

"Sure, come on," said the girl.

*

Joel leaned against the doorframe and watched the three of you cut cookies. You, Ellie, and Teddy who stood on a chair between you.

He felt his heart swell at the sight. He didn't know why you suggested it, but he wasn't going to complain. He also saw that Ellie needed it. After everything she'd been through, she deserved a bit of a family vibe.

"If you don't help us, you won't get anything," said the teenage girl.

He smiled maliciously at her. "Oh, I was sure I'd get your cookies as thanks for putting up with you."

You just rolled your eyes knowing full well how much Joel cared about the girl. Meanwhile, she shouted indignantly: "Yeah, alright!"

She grabbed a handful of flour and threw it at Joel. The moment she did it, you already knew how it would end... A complete mess. Teddy, of course, repeated the girl's gesture. Joel leaped forward and grab some flour. Ellie jumped back towards you and the flour thrown at her landed on you. Joel looked at you in shock.

"Oops."

You heard Ellie's voice behind you.

"Oops?" you said and threw flour at Joel and at the same time Teddy threw at Ellie.

"Hey kid, I thought we were on the same team!"

You laughed and said, "Believe me Ellie, there are no teams in this war."

You threw flour at Teddy, who squealed with delight and with Joel's help jumped to the floor. Then the toddler threw flour at you and Joel.

All four of you started laughing and You thought how surreal it was. If a stranger looked at you all, they might think you were family. Six months ago, you'd have said you'd rather throw a knife at Joel than flour, but you stood there in clothes covered with white powder. You took a deep breath and said, "Okay. That's enough. We're putting the cookies in the oven. And then," you looked at Ellie, "you and Joel are cleaning up this mess."

The girl groaned. "Why I?"

You raised your eyebrows. "Because you two started it."

*

Joel was on the porch. He was leaning forward, resting his elbows on the railing.

You approached him so quietly that he jumped when you said, "Please try it before the kids eat it all."

Joel took a cookie from the plate you handed him and said, "Thank you."

You felt a slight warmth in your chest as you heard that one word. You couldn't stop it. You waited a while until you finally cleared your throat and said, "I've been thinking about what you said about forgiving you."

Joel swallowed the remnants of cookies with difficulty and quickly set the plate aside. He stared at you, waiting for your verdict and knowing that he would accept any decision you made.

"I'm not ready to forgive you yet... Not everything." He nodded. "But even if I forgive you, I will not accept what you did to me, I will not forget it."

Joel cautiously approached you and grabbed your hand. He placed a gentle kiss on your knuckles and whispered, "I don't want you to accept this. I don't want you to forget, because I don't want you to let some other man hurt you." He was still holding your hand.

"What do you want?" you asked quietly.

"More moments like today. I know I'm an egoist..."

You thought you were going to cry from the amount of emotions you were feeling and you wanted to stop it somehow. You pulled away from him and saw him reluctantly let go of your hand.

"If these moments always will end with my dirty clothes, then there won't be any more moments like this," you joked, though the tension in your voice was easily noticeable.

Joel, however, chose to pretend he hadn't noticed. He raised his hands in surrender. "It's Ellie's fault."

You laughed slightly. "Don't blame everything on the child."

"She's not such a small and innocent baby after all," he muttered.

"As for the small baby, I should put Teddy to bed soon. He's had a tiring day today and he's going to be cranky soon."

Joel shifted uneasily. "If you want to rest, I can take care of him."

You bit your lip. It was a tempting proposition, but you weren't sure if your son was ready to sleep in a strange house. And did you ready for it?

"No... Staying here will just be another source of excitement and will make it harder for him to fall asleep."

He nodded and replied, "Okay. I'll bring him."

When he returned, Teddy was burying his head in the crook of Joel's neck and sucking thumb. You sighed slightly at the sight. "I'm late, someone is already cranky."

Joel nodded and tilted his head to the side to make more room for the little one. "He wants me to take him to bed and read him a bedtime story."

You opened your mouth to say something but closed it. You could tell by the way Teddy was burying his head in Joel's neck that he was very sleepy. You had no chance of persuading him to go with you alone. It would end in tears and loud sobs. So you nodded and headed home.

You plopped down on the couch and waited for Joel to leave Teddy's room. It didn't take long.

"He fell asleep." You nodded, and he added, "You know, I thought if you wanted to rest after your journey, I'd take care of the stable tomorrow."

You raised your eyebrows. "Really?"

"No problem. I'll go now."

He started to head towards the door but you stopped him. "Joel." He looked at you curiously. "Thank you." He smiled slightly and nodded.

When he left, you closed your eyes and realized it was time to pick up the broken pieces and glue them back together. You knew it wasn't going to happen in a day or two, but you were ready to start.

*

I'm obsessed with this photo. Joel could hold Teddy like this all the time ;)

Part IV

Part VI

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[penvisions]

return the favor {{masterlist}}

Fandom: The Last of Us (TLOU), will mostly follow the timeline and events of the HBO show, but will pull lore and tidbits from the games as well!

Pairing: Post-Outbreak! Joel Miller x Smuggler! Reader

Summary: With a past as rich as anyone in the times after the Outbreak, you find your medical and survival skills to be a valuable asset. You were dropping off some medical supplies that FEDRA was willing to pay big for when you got tangled up in a mission that involves a teenager with a mouth almost as smart as yours and gruff older man whose graying curls were his only redeeming quality. But the longer you traveled with them and the more that happened out in the open land of what once was, the more you find yourself connecting with them and wanting to protect them both at any cost.

Word Count: 131.5k - ongoing

Warnings: canon typical language, canon typical violence, canon typical gore, description of injuries, description of anxiety, symptoms of anxiety, tense situations, sexual content, sexual propositions, smut, p in v, unprotected p in v (pls don’t do this w/o previous communication w/ your partner), joel’s emotionally constipated 

chapter 1 || chapter 2

chapter 3 || chapter 4

chapter 5 || chapter 6

chapter 7 || chapter 8

chapter 9 || chapter 10

chapter 11 || chapter 12

chapter 13 || chapter 14

chapter 15 || chapter 16

chapter 17 || chapter 18

chapter 19 || chapter 20

chapter 21 || chapter 22

chapter 23 || chapter 24

[ariisheresstuff]

HI I recently discovered your blog and I’m so glad I did!!! Your fics are awesome.

Could you please do a Joel miller comfort fic where reader is struggling with depression and Joel is shocked to see her bedbound and unwell as she is normally really strong willed. Lots of comfort please thank you 😭😭

Hello!!! And I’m so glad you enjoy my Fics! Straight up made my day 💜🫶🏻😭 I hope you enjoy your request! 💗☺️ (side note: I’m not sure if you wanted Joel before the outbreak or after so I think this request suits best during the outbreak. I hope that’s okay with you! <3)

You Are Strong

Pairings: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader (Age gap between reader and Joel) (Reader is around 30 or 20 ig?) (Joel is around 50)

Genre: Comfort

Warnings: Mental health, depression

MasterList

A/N: Ty for the request! Enjoy! <3

You, Joel, and Ellie had just made it to Jackson where Tommy was. It was an exhausting trip for the three of you, but every pressure on your shoulders felt like they were being lifted up and away as the three of you saw Tommy and felt some sort of hope there.

You were munching on the delicious supper that was given to the three of you, but for the most part you’ve been really quiet. Ellie was of course the first one to notice. She sat in between you and Joel. She looked over at you and saw you poking at the food with your fork. “You okay over there?” She whispered to you not wanting to make a scene in front of Joel and his brother. You jumped a bit as you got out of your daydream state. You looked over at her and gave her a small smile, but it wasn’t all the way there. “I’m fine, why?” “You just been down for a couple days. It’s not like you, just wanted to make sure you’re okay.” Bless her heart you thought to yourself, you reached over for her hand and squeezed gently as she smiled at you, you gave one back. She then turned her head to finish eating, your smile went back into a frown as you sighed quietly. You just felt so… empty.

Tommy had shown you guys the house you’ll be staying at. It was a pretty big house just for three people. “Hope you folks enjoy it.” Tommy said with a smile, Joel thanked his brother before hugging him. You went over to thank Tommy as well and give him a hug as well. “Thanks Tommy, we really appreciate it.” You told him making him smile at you, “That’s what family is for.” He pulled you in a hug rubbing your back, you almost wanted to cry at how gentle he was with you. You’ve known him forever, ever since the breakout happened. You both pulled away giving each other a smile before you turned to where Ellie was and walked with her in the house. Joel watched as the two of you went inside while Joel stayed with his brother. As Tommy and Joel watched you and Ellie go inside, Tommy patted Joel’s shoulder making him look at Tommy. “Joel, have you noticed something’s wrong with Y/N?” Joel gave his brother a confused look “What do you mean?” Tommy gave him a frown “She just seems down, Y’know? When y’all were eating I could just see something is eating her up inside. It caught my eye when I saw Ellie talking to her, but after she just went back to being down.” Joel couldn’t really process what his brother meant, you seemed okay during the trip. “I haven’t notice at all if I’m being honest.” “Maybe you should go and talk to her. Be there for her.” Joel looked at his brother and nodded making Tommy give him a quick smile. Joel thanked him again before patting his back and going their separate ways.

As Joel entered the house, he sighed as felt warmth enter. He looked around the house before going upstairs assuming you and Ellie were up there. He walked towards door before opening it, he saw Ellie looking out the window as she watched the snowflakes fall quietly. “Where’s Y/N?” He asked softly Not wanting to scare the girl, Ellie turned towards him. “Down the hall.” Joel nodded before he decided to ask Ellie about you. Joel walked into the room before closing the door “What’s going on with Y/N? Tommy asked me about her and said that you talked to her during dinner.” Ellie sighed as she felt like she was trying to hold it in “She seems upset, she told me she was fine but I know deep down she isn’t. She’s really stubborn like you.” Joel scoffed and rolled his eyes making Ellie laugh a bit “She looked like she wanted to cry.” Joel felt terrible for not realizing this, he’s known you for so long and he can’t even tell that you been going through stuff. Joel sighed “Alright, I’ll talk to her. Get some rest.” Ellie nodded as Joel walked out of the room and closing the door, he took a deep breath before walking down the hall like Ellie said and seeing another door that was closed. He opened it before stepping into the bedroom, he turned his head to the left and saw you also looking out the window watching the snow fall. Joel smiled a bit, he walked over to you. You knew it was him by the sounds of his footsteps, he placed his hand on your shoulder and rubbed softly. Joel watched the snow fall with you before he spoke to you, “You doin’ okay?” He asked you softly, you turned to face him. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why?” Joel sighed “Ellie said you looked upset during dinner and Tommy also seemed to notice. I just wanna make sure you’re okay.” “I’m fine Joel, really.” “Please talk to me, that’s why I’m here.” You we’re starting to get overwhelmed, “I’m okay Joel, just stop please.” “Darling.” He cupped your face with his large hands as he cradled your face. You stared into his chocolate eyes as he looked into your eyes, you felt a lump in your throat. “Please darling, talk to me.” Your bottom lip trembled as fat tears clouded your vision, you couldn’t hold it in anymore. You broke a sob as Joel pulled you into his chest, your sobs were muffled from his shirt. He rubbed your back as he kissed your temple a few times. “It’s okay baby, let it out.” He told you as your shoulders shook “It’s gonna be okay.” He let you get it all out before you slowly started to calm down.

You both stood in front of the room for a good few minutes. Joel swayed your bodies back and forth softly as he listened to you hiccup and whimper. His arms were wrapped around you as you continued to sniffle and whimper. After another few minutes Joel softly cupped your face from his chest, he felt his heart break as the sight of your broken face. Your eyes were all red and puffy and your cheeks were red and stained with tears. Joel wiped away your tears as he leaned down to kiss your forehead, “Wanna talk to me about what’s upsetting you?” He asked you softly, you nodded gently as you hiccuped. Joel leaded you to the bed as he sat down with you, he took your hand in his lap as he ran a thumb over your knuckles in a comforting matter. You took a deep breath before you explained. “It’s just— ever since we lost Tess, it’s been such a train wreck. I feel like I’m losing everyone I know and it kills me. I just wished that life was back to normal.” You voice broke as more tears fell down “I-I wanna live a normal life again, I want to be happy but I can’t. I just want this to be over already. I’m j-just scared that I’m gonna loose you or Ellie. Hell, and Tommy. It’s just eating me up and I can’t take it anymore. I just want life back the way it was and I don’t wanna worry about surviving 24/7.” A few tears slid down your face as Joel felt like he wanted to cry with you. “Darlin’….” He said softly “You aren’t gonna loose me,Ellie, or Tommy. You are the most strongest human being I know. Do ya hear me? You went through so much and look how far you’ve gotten. It hurts me to see you like this, but you have such a strong heart. I want life to go back to normal too honey. I bet we all do, but I promise you one day. You are so strong willed and I’m proud of you with the progress you made.” Joel gave you a soft smile, as you wiped away your tears. Joel reached a hand over to place on your cheek as he ran a thumb over the apple of your cheek. You snuggled into his warm hand as you started to calm down, you looked at him giving him a smile. “There ya are.” He said making you laugh softly, “I’m sorry if I scared you.” You told him as he got up to join you in bed, “Don’t be sorry, I’m just glad you’re okay and told me what’s wrong. Just know I’m always here for you.” You nodded as you snuggled up into his chest, he wrapped an arm around your form pulling you into him. You sighed as your muscles relaxed knowing that you were safe and loved. “Thank you Joel.” “For what darling?” “For everything, protecting me and Ellie and just getting us here.” Joel smiled and felt his heart go warm, “It’s my job darling.” You giggled lightly, “I love you.” You said softly making Joel leaned down to peck your forehead as he rubbed your back, “I love you too.” You also felt your heart going warm knowing that you two will always be by each other’s sides no matter what.

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