#worst person ever award goes to me as always but if someone should die it should be her. there. i said it.

[widevibratobitch]

visiting my mother. idk what i expected lol

[princessofgayskull]

Hi sunflower, what's your thoughts on T Swift's Betty being a catradora song???

Me, taking a break from spop to focus on my mental health and setting better boundaries:

Me, reading this ask:

This ask woke me up from like a deep, sleeping beauty type slumber, not joking. I don’t get asked to talk about Taylor Swift often, despite being a fan of hers since I was nine years old (I’m 22 now *wink*) and we are about to find out why. But I pride myself on taking any fiction piece of media I interact with and connecting it somehow to Taylor Swift. I can do so to varying degrees of success (usually depends on the ships and romance of the world) but there are so many songs of Taylor’s that have just fit Catradora so well for me, both in and out of canon. 

Some of my favorite examples: out of the woods (AND IT KEPT ME UP AT NIGHT WHEN NOELLE SAID THIS WAS HER TAYLOR SWIFT SONG FOR CATRADORA LIKE GAH CASUAL TS LISTENERS WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND) bad blood, lwymd, don’t blame, dancing with our hands tied, the archer, breathe, you’re not sorry, the way I loved you, forever & always, should’ve said no, safe & sound- I could go on.

But I won’t because I wanna stay on topic and talk about betty. Now I have a number of songs from the folklore/evermore series that are for me catradora songs (we’ll get to that in a minute) but this one is… challenging. Because I could be like “yes, because [insert casual reason here]” or “no, because [insert casual reason here]” but I can’t because Taylor feeds her children well and there’s several aspects of this song I feel like should be considered.

This biggest one to be considered, for me, is the love triangle aspect. Folklore features at length the betty/james/Augustine love triangle, each of them having one main song on the album from their POV. Betty's is cardigan, augustine’s is august, and james’ is betty. (also I’m going to throw out the gender component for a second; I know taylor says that Betty is about a guy’s apology and I totally vibe with her reasons why she wanted to write a song about a boy apologizing BECAUSE HOW GREAT WOULD THAT BE?) The love triangle makes the application of Catradora iffy at best. Because it’s like, who would be who? I am going to go out on a limb and assume that you’re seeing Catra as James? I think that personality wise, Adora as Betty and Catra as James is not a stone’s throw away from fitting actually really well. Adora’s canon journey is one of coming to realize “I know what I want and I know that it’s okay to want it” and a big part of Catra’s arc is her being like “Well shit… there goes my plans. Kind of feeling like a dumbass rn” especially in s4/s5. 

(That s4/s5 distinction is important; I’ll show why in a second) 

But for me, there’s no augustine. Or one that’s obvious anyway. I never imagined that either Catra or Adora dated or even had any inclinations with anyone else during the five season run- that’s just my personal opinion, people are completely welcome to feel free to disagree. I don’t think Catra acted even out of distraction with Scorpia or DT, and I think Adora was so focused on being She Ra that when she wasn’t thinking about failing/abandoning Catra when she alloted time to do so, she was thinking about the crushing weight of her responsibilities. So you know, not that much time to get back out there. So I rule out what causes James to apologize in the first place- cheating.

Side note about James cheating- I’m pretty sure Taylor confirmed this, in the long pond studio sessions doc, when she’s telling Jack Antonoff (MY BOY JACK) and Aaron Dessner ( GRAMMY AWARD WINNING KING) that James “was a fool!” And James did sleep with Augustine as confirmed in august, but cardigan makes it seem like he was definitely dating Betty before the summer. Maybe Taylor took inspiration from friends and they “were on break.” I also believe that the kiss in the Heart is the first kiss, that Catra and Adora were never ‘together’ together before Adora found the sword and defected (again, that’s just an opinion, but Adora just looks so wonderfully gobsmacked), so…

We can rule out cheating, and I think we can accomplish this and still reserve the essential meaning of the song of “I did something wrong, I see that now, I apologize for doing it, and I still love you” by widening the lens of what the “did something wrong” was (or “did something bad” you know *wink*). In that wider lens really you could fit either Catra or Adora into the song, but I’m still going to assume Catra is the James in this scenario based on how much of her redemption arc is formed around her refusal to say sorry and then eventually doing so. Of course there is no standing your porchlight but rather standing while wrestling a bunch of murderous clones…. Hmm….

But there are some stupid friends! I wholeheartedly believe Catra is James because of the dissing of Betty’s friends. That’s what Catra does to Bow, Glimmer and the rebellion et al., for most of the show and by the end of s4 she has no friends for Adora to even mock (terrible and cruel of me, I know, but it’s true). Also I know people are like “he called her friends stupid and then expected betty to take him back?” but I scream sing the line “WILL YOU KISS ME ON THE PORCH IN FRONT OF ALL YOUR STUPID FRIENDS?” every time. It brings me serotonin. 

Along those lines we can ask “Who’s Inez?” in this situation. When I think gossip no one from the show really comes to mind, well, expect for Double Trouble. But Double Trouble doesn’t ever speak to Adora about Catra. This happens vice-versa, and in Betty, James reveals that Inez told Betty he cheated on her. 

I want to say something controversial… Glimmer comes to mind when I think “who’s the Inez?” And this is based off of two things: 1) Inez’s closeness to Betty, and 2) Inez drags James out to dry, rightfully so. And when I think of that I think of Glimmer screaming “Do one good thing in your life!” directly in Catra’s face. James gives Inez a bad wrap in Betty. Not cool James. 

Of course there’s the pivotal, “would you tell me to go fuck myself?/ or lead me to the garden?” To me this a fun way of showing there’s vulnerability to what James is doing, so automatically I’m led to is the scene where Catra asks Adora to stay, or each time in s5 when Catra risks, basically an identity crisis to let Adora in how she really feels, but there’s always the potential that Adora could spurn her by not returning her feelings or rejecting her outright. 

I think the best argument that can be made for “is betty a catradora song” can really be encapsulated by the lyric(s): “the worst thing that I ever did is what I did to you” and “the only thing I wanna do is make it up to you.” That is what about the song SCREAMS Catra to me. And yeah, it could be argued that Adora hurt Catra pretty brutally (Shadow Weaver makes that point EVEN THOUGH SHE HAD NO RIGHT TO) that she messed up by abandoning Catra- but Adora feels guilt for... literally breathing. Adora is the quintessential embodiment of “pick your battles, no that’s too many battles, put some back,” but Catra picked one battle first and foremost (yes, she had a few others but this was the one) and that was Adora. Everything that motivated her was surrounded around a narrative of surpassing Adora for a multitude of reasons, and because of that she pretty much hurts Adora every chance she gets after Promise. Adora is really Catra’s first casualty, it makes sense that she has to be her first apology. And I think that after being vibed checked back to back by DT and Glimmer and realizing “oh hey fuck, I’m still in love with her” and then almost dying just to not die because Adora saves her, I think much of Catra’s motivation shifts to “how to do I get Adora to want to stay?” 

That’s my logic for how Betty could be a catradora song in canon. Now not all of my Taylor associations are with canon catradora, many of them do belong to uws catradora, because it’s a lot easier to apply the more modern details of Taylor’s songs to a modern au. The song Breathe is big that way. (it’s in Upper West Side, it’s the song Adora listens to and cries to after that first ride, I just never mentioned that it was taylor because my conditioned reaction to bringing up taylor is to have my head bit off with someone’s semi incorrect and slightly sexist opinion that I never, ever ask for) And this ask got me thinking about what it would look like if I applied not Catradora to Betty, but Betty to Catradora. What would it look like if Catra skateboarded and wore black lipstick, Adora wore a cardigan and they had homeroom together until Catra really messed up? What would it look like if they were seventeen when they admitted their feelings for each other instead of 21? What would it look like if they spent a summer fighting but dreaming of each other? What would their love story look like if Catra and Adora were in that town where Taylor envisioned this “same event that affected three people in different ways?”

I think it’d look something like this. 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31141973/chapters/76952048

what do you guys think?

quick but INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT thank you to @gimme-tea-bitch for helping me with this, being my beta, and listening to me talk about folklore/evermore.

[mytearsrricochet]

100 unique questions to ask

i sat down and told my brain to come up with 100 unique questions (some more unique than others ok). send me some if u want :)

 if you could pierce somewhere other than your ears, where would it be?

if you could be in a movie franchise (already made or a book that should be made into a movie), which would it be?

what are your feelings on bangs?

what is your favorite blanket material?

who is the last person you were mad at?

if you had to be sent up into space or into the depths of the ocean, where would you choose?

if you acquired an island, what would you name it?

are you afraid of death? why or why not?

what astrological sign do you think you should be?

who is the worst person you have ever dated?

if you could remake one movie the way you think it should’ve been made, which movie would you choose?

if you had to be a teletubby, which one would you be?

what are your feelings on caillou?

what is a custom/activity/experience/etc from another culture that you wish would be in your culture?

if you could choose where you were born, where would you want it to be?

if someone told you they could tell you the truth about god/religion/higher powers/the universe/the meaning of life/what happens after death, would you want to know?

what is your favorite part of your nighttime routine? sleep doesn’t count.

what is your favorite form of exercise?

what is one current trend that you hate?

what is a trend that died that you would bring back?

what era of fashion do you wish to bring back?

what is one movie or tv show that everyone loves that you hate?

what is a question you have always wanted to ask but haven’t? why haven’t you asked it?

did you have a teacher growing up that helped you through a difficult time? who were they?

think of a paper you have written sometime in your education. what was the topic?

do you believe in universal healthcare? discuss.

what is one song that makes you feel like love is real?

what is one song that makes you feel like you’re dancing in a meadow with the sun shining on your skin?

what is one song that makes you believe that things will get better?

have you met any celebrities? if so, who?

you’re being forced to move out of your country. you must choose another one to move to, and you may never leave it, even for vacation. what country do you choose? bonus points if you answer the city.

do you believe in the death penalty? discuss.

what do you think happens after you die?

name someone you love.

name someone you like, but don’t necessarily love.

how many soulmates do you think a person has?

what would you say was your sexual awakening?

is love always worth it? discuss.

pick up your phone. look at the text you sent closest to an hour ago. what was it?

do you believe in magical beings? discuss.

what time of the day do you feel most at peace with yourself?

choose one song. now choose someone else to sing it. what’s the song, and who is the new singer of said song? why?

have you ever cheated? on a person, on a test, in a game? why or why not?

what is an impulsive decision you have made that you don’t regret?

if you were given the opportunity to completely start your life over from the beginning with everything prior and up until your birth remaining the same, would you?

how do you feel about greek life in colleges?

what is an aspect or event in history that you were obsessed with as a child?

what would your wardrobe look like if you weren’t so afraid of being who you want to be?

describe your ideal town to live in.

what age are you scared to be? alternatively, what age were you most scared to be in the past?

do you have a secret you want to share? be as vague or specific as you want. get it out. if you want.

do billionaires work harder than other people? discuss.

if you had the means to start a charity, what would it be a charity for?

what is your favorite hairstyle for yourself?

what is your favorite memory from being 13 years old?

what is a movie that shaped who you were as a person at a young age?

which us state would you erase if you could?

what is a skill you theoretically want to learn but probably never will?

what is an obscure language you want to speak?

you are put in a dangerous situation where you have to fend for yourself. what is your weapon of choice? why?

what is a place you choose not to go to anymore? why?

do you think you’re living a fake life/putting on a facade/lying to people about who you really are? why or why not?

what is the color that defines your life? why?

you have the opportunity to go to an exclusive celebrity event. which one is it? (award shows, premieres, parties, etc)

you can bring back one person from the dead, but you must choose someone to die in their place. who are the two people you are choosing?

what is your favorite fun fact that people don’t really know?

pick up the nearest reading material to you (book/magazine/paper/etc). what is the first line of that reading material?

if you had to choose a sport to play professionally, which one would you choose?

what is the worst way someone has betrayed you?

what do you do to unwind/cool down when you’re upset?

what is the color scheme of your favorite sunrise or sunset?

what is a beauty product you swear by?

how do you feel about plastic surgery? discuss.

if you could get plastic surgery, would you? what would you change?

cotton balls or cotton rounds?

what is your favorite animal product?

what is one job that isn’t really around anymore that you would want to do?

if you lived in 1550, what would your life be like? make a character for yourself, but be honest about what it would actually be like.

if you had to attend school in another country, which country would you choose?

what will be/was the color scheme of your wedding?

is there something you have a really strong opinion about for basically no reason? what is it?

who is a person you would fight to the death for under any circumstances?

what would you do if you were in the hunger games? be honest.

what time do you think everyone should wake up?

what is your favorite type of nut? if you’re allergic to nuts, sorry.

what is your favorite part of your hometown?

you must get rid of one of your electronic items. you have no choice. which one do you sacrifice?

what is a conspiracy theory that you genuinely believe in? make it interesting please.

what is the first memory you have of oppression/discrimination? it doesn’t have to be about yourself.

what is one song from the 80s that still goes so hard?

what is a lyric that you hate? why do you hate it?

name 3 books you were forced to read in school.

how do you keep track of events/deadlines? calendar? agenda? your brain?

what is the first book that made you cry that comes to mind?

if you had to give a seminar about something, what would it be about?

how do you feel about your mother?

is makeup an art form? discuss.

what kind of videos do you primarily watch on youtube?

what is the scent of your deodorant?

at what age do you hope you die?

[ziracona]

With every movie my love of sidney grows. She working for a crisis hotline ;-; fuc milton hes disgusting. also she is more immediatly prepared for FIGHT also i love how much more soft towards sidney gale is this movie. Thts ur surrogate baby sister now ma'am uwu

Also i loved gales weird friendship with jennifer lmao. One of my fave chars of the triology lol . Also can everyone in the seried leave MAUREEN ALONE D:< the poor woman is dead stop fucjing demonizing her jfc. Im glad sidneys come to terms with loving her despite her flaws and despite everyone trying to make her see otherwise (or thats what it came off as to me anyway) also. Sid verbally destroying roman GET IM!! GET IM!!

Yeah no I totally agree!

GOD, Sidney is my GIRL! I love her so much! The working at a crisis hotline to help women, and how thoughtful and kind she is doing it TuT, her big puppy. And god, she left. She did everything she could to make herself no one someone would have reason to kill, and it’s not enough, people still come. Her PTSD episode with her mom, and how scary and alone it all is. AH and I’m glad they brought her dad back and had him visiting and being worried about her being so alone. TuT

I loved Gale and Dewey getting back and the scene at the END??? “You’re a brave man, Dewey Riley.” “Yeah, well, I’m really scared right now.” I SOB it’s true love TuT my dumb otp. And fkn Jennifer is great! Fale—fake Gale. Love it. The Gale Fake-Gale duo kills me, and fkn Jennifer’s delivery of every damn line is superb. (Wild as shit to see her as the antag in Lost in Space. I was like *leans almost vertically forward in seat* FALE??? ). And yess!!! How sweet Gale is to Sid and how she’s like, no conflict Gale just Gale to kick ass time >:-] Gale said “Fuck Ghostface, all my homies hate Ghostface” and then came to finish the job. Love the Sidney-Gale-Dewey friend team. God, they need each other so bad. Best family!

Also fkn LovED Kinkaid. Baby Patrick Dempsey, lol. *Production Room Meeting*

Casting Director: Okay. So. We need a potential love interest for Sidney, but we’ve hit a problem.

Producer: What problem?

CD *whips out human sized printout* :

Look at her! We can’t find anyone hot enough to even be believable anymore.

Producer, sweating: Shit. What do we do?

PA with a eureka moment, already making mockup posters: Okay so I got /1/ idea.

And it was the best they could do. She’s a goddess on Earth it would be hard to cast a leading partner opposite her. But god bless. Fkn LOVE. Kincaid. He gets back up like four times and every time just gets the shit beat out of him. 🤣 *Kincaid, dragging himself up to go pick a lock with blood dripping down his shoulder from a stab wound to his chest bc he hears Sid screaming.* Me, screeching from the audience: NO! Baby go lay down you survived what looked like a fatal hit just stay down I want you to make it through the movie! 😭 *Kincaid: keeps going because it’s his duty to try to save them. Immediately laid flat and injured worse.* Me: :’-]

I love that he’s like a family member too (lol, if you survive Ghostface, you get adopted by Sid, Gale, and Dewey now) and watching movies at Sid’s house it’s so cute. Fun fact! Kincaid was supposed to be in 4 too, but couldn’t be bc of a preexisting shooting schedule conflict with Dempsey. But I’ve always taken that to mean they got/stayed together and he’s just not on the tour/at work during 4 (tbh, off screen is safer to characters who survived a film anyway so maybe it’s good 🤣), and are maybe married or dating, and if not interested that way are good friends who still check in & hang for movie nights a lot. TuT

And yeah! I think that’s how it was meant to read. Maureen made some mistakes, but it doesn’t mean everything about her was bad, and also, a lot of the shit she went through was done to her, not by. She had a really rough life and tried to do better, and backslid by cheating and hooking up with married men when Sid was a teen, but she wasn’t a monster. Just a sad woman with a lot of facets. Some good, some bad, some neither. But the lies didn’t mean the good Mom Sid remembered was a lie or she can’t still love her. Bad didn’t negate the good, and she loved her mom, and she should get to. TuT

(And for real, like, cheating is fucked, but everyone quit blaming your murderous rampages on the dead woman who never killed a single person frfr it’s you.)

And yes!!! GOD! That shoutout scene with Roman is maybe my favorite scene in the franchise! Roman’s my fave Ghostface because he’s funniest to watch, and also the most interesting. He a fucking bastard like the rest, but he’s the only one who ever shows even a second of guilt for their kills on-screen or off, and it’s when Sidney goes off on her “Fuck your bullshit Roman! You got no excuse you’re just terrible!” rant, and I love that like, not just does she say that, but you can see he knows she’s right. 👌 Ultimate victory. He’s as evil as the rest (except 4. >.> 4 takes the cake but I’ll say nothing else), but I think he’s the only one (mmmaybe one of two? : / ehhh, I’ll think on it) who still sees humans as humans instead of just things, so he’s more interesting to watch/more interesting as a villain. I also fkn love his stupid “Do you think this wasn’t a message?” With the broken award 🤣—the way his actor delivers lines is exactly how my best friend would have played the role, so it’s tripple funny to me to watch it. God, and Sid holding his hand while he’s dying, after everything he did to her?

Like. Obviously he did not deserve that kind of kindness, but it’s so fucking sweet and such a statement to Sidney’s character that she’d do that in spite of it all because he’s her brother, and she just doesn’t want even the worst one possible to die alone. I’m tearing up. Sidney is so good she’s so amazing I’m gonna weep. 😭

Also. Will any moment ever be more iconic than:

No! The answer is no! Shout this at all horror villains fuck y’all, blame whatever you want cry me a river, it’s you! You did this! I fucking LOVE Sidney Prescott!!!!

[jessiedanielstaylor]

A More In-Depth Look...

PART 1: THE BASICS

What is your full name? Jessie Daniels Taylor.

Where and when were you born? In St. Agnes, Cornwall; UK. The 21st of June, 1994.

What is your occupation? I’m an actor. Done everythin’ from a television series, to stage and film.

Are you right- or left-handed? Right handed.

What does your voice sound like? I don’t know, you tell me.

What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently? Fucker and uh, cunt. And me personal favorite catch phrase, “You can fuckin’ fuck the fuck off!”

PART 2: GROWING UP

How would you describe your childhood in general? It was fuckin’ shit, is what it was. It wasn’t exactly… typical, in anyway. I never really had much of a ‘healthy’ childhood, ‘cause of me mum bein’ who she was. It’s not really somethin’ I like talkin’ much about.  

What is your earliest memory? Seein’ me mum havin’ these massive drug parties in our flat and just seein’ all kinds of naked bodies, here and there. I remember, havin’ me first spliff and some kind of liquor then as well, at about 4 years old. 

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? I don’t know. I don’t think I ever really gave it much thought. I guess, happy. I just wanted to be happy. Didn’t really mat’er what it was I grew up to be.

As a child, what were your favorite activities? Breakin’ bottles and whatever else I could find. ‘Cause there wasn’t exactly much in the way of children’s toys round me mum’s flat.

When and with whom was your first kiss? Anna May. Back in primary, she was the first girl who took me by the hand and said: “I’m makin’ you mine before Gemma does.” Then she laid one on me. I were about five and half then.

Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity? Nope. Can’t really remember that far back.

PART 3: PAST INFLUENCES

What do you consider the most important event of your life so far? I suppose, the day me manager found me back in London, as a homeless kid livin’ in the back of a broken down car. ‘Cause a mate of mine and I were scammin’ some bloke and I guess, he thought I were special or somethin’. Him believin’ in me, was somethin’ new. I ain’t ever had that before, so… it made me feel like maybe I could become someone. Ya know?

Do you have a criminal record of any kind? Yeah, I’ve got myself a list. A pretty massive one at that. But who the fuck really cares, yeah?

What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you? I guess, the moment I was told in primary school that prostitution weren’t exactly the kind of profession I should talk about on “bring your parent’s to school day.” Also, me mum, never showed to those.  

If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why? I’d change me mum bein’ what she was. A prostitute. ‘Cause, I feel like… me life, would’ve been different if she weren’t that. I wouldn’t have had them bad things happen to me, that happened. I wouldn’t have been in hospital for months. I wouldn’t have been in foster care, bein’ moved round like a piece of fuckin’ used up furniture put out on the fuckin’ street for someone else. I’d of probably known who me dad was early on and not found out about him later on in life. I wouldn’t be as massively fucked in the head as I am now.

What is your best memory? When I won the award for: Best Rising Star in a Drama Series; for, God Save the Queen!. ‘Cause it sort of cemented the idea that I was actually really fuckin’ good at what I did. ‘Cause them other people who’d been doin’ it long before I was, were sayin’ all sorts of things, like: “You’ll be doin’ great things one day,” or “You’re so young and already, you’ve managed to bring a presence on-screen that most people strive to, but never can.”

What is your worst memory? Mate, I’ve got too many to fuckin’ mention.

PART 4: BELIEFS & OPINIONS

What are your religious views? I’d like to think there’s some god up there, ya know? That shit doesn’t just happen. But I don’t know. I’ve uh, had more bad luck in me life than good. Now, is that ‘cause of god? I don’t fuckin’ know the answer to that. But if it is, the fuckin’ bloke’s got a fucked up sense of humor, if ya ask me.

What are your political views? I’m not much for politics, me. Don’t fuck up me fuckin’ rights or me freedom and I’m alright. I feel like, these days, politics are all everyone’s ever talkin’ ‘bout anymore. 

What are your views on sex? It’s fuckin’ great. Innit?

In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do? Rape. I feel is a big one. Not lettin’ someone have a say, to what’s bein’ done to ‘em. ‘Cause that shit, ya never really come back from. 

Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love? Not really. I think, ya meet people, ya fuck around and sometimes, if you’re lucky… they wanna keep it goin’. No one ever knows if you’re gonna be together forever, mate. We’re not all of us psychic or whatever.  

Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)? Me mates. Hands down. No fuckin’ question.

PART 5: RELATIONSHIPS W/OTHERS

Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened. I don’t know. I don’t think I’d know for certain, if I was or not. As fucked and sad, as that is to say, it’s the god’s honest fuckin’ truth.

What do you look for in a potential lover? I don’t really think ‘bout all the particulars of that. If they’re pretty and they’re down to fuck, then that’s all I really care about. Whatever happens after that, happens. It’s out of me fuckin’ hands at that point.

Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why? Not really. ‘Cause ain’t no one ever really protected me in the past. ‘Cause at the end of fuckin’ day, you’re all you’ve fuckin’ got. 

If you died or went missing, who would miss you? Me fans, maybe a few mates, some exes. I don’t fuckin’ know. Don’t really think me mum would notice. 

Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not? Yeah, man. ‘Cause rest assured, someone would be packin’ somethin’ to take the edge off. Plus, if ya come across the right crowd, you might stay partyin’ long after the sun goes down and way past it comin’ back up again.

Do you care what others think of you? Nah, I couldn’t be fuckin’ bothered with that. Ya either love me or ya fuckin’ hate me. There ain’t no in-between. I’ve got me own shit to keep me fuckin’ busy, I’m not tackin’ on the rest of the fuckin’ world, man.

PART 6: LIKES & DISLIKES

What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)? Any kind of music that gets ya off your arse. Basically anythin’ else that makes ya think about shit, like… really think.

Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit? Sometimes I do. Sometimes, I go overboard with ‘em. Trial and fuckin’ error, my friend. I don’t know, to be honest.

What, if anything, shocks or offends you? I don’t think anythin’ shocks me anymore. But people. People offend me all the time. ‘Cause everyone’s always takin’ the piss when they think they’ve got some fuckin’ leg to stand on. So, what else is there to do, then knock ‘em back down to fuckin’ size, yeah?

What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself? I’d probably go round to some pub and meet someone, then shag ‘em either in one of them stalls there or um, go back round to theirs. Nothin’ like a good fuck to tire you right the fuck out. Or just take some pills and drink ‘em down with a bit of vodka. It does the trick as well.

How do you deal with stress? Honestly? Shaggin’. Fuckin’. Fightin’. Then if all that fuckin’ fails, pop a pill or roll a spliff and I’m back to bein’ King fuckin’ Kong. 

Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan? I can’t fuckin’ stand plans. Ya could die at anytime. So, why waste that kind of fuckin’ time?

PART 7: SELF IMAGES & OTHER

Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at. I’m good a shaggin’, actin’ and fuckin’ fightin’. I’ve got a bit of a bad temper, I suppose. I’m bad at bein’ a proper boyfriend or whatever. I’m also, really bad at trustin’ people.

Do you like yourself? Yeah, sometimes. Other times I really fuckin’ hate myself.

If you could choose, how would you want to die? Doin’ somethin’ outrageous, probably.

If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left. I’d visit me mum. Punch me fuckin’ dad in the face, just ‘cause I felt like it. Then I’d find a home for me pups and probably read one of the books I’ve got on me shelf catchin’ dust. Not sure which one. I don’t think it’d mat’er much though, which book it was.

What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death? The body of work I did in films, television and stage. ‘Cause regardless of where I am in life, I put everythin’ into them pieces of work. That’s what I’d want people to take away. Not whatever the fuck the tabs wanna print up ‘bout what I’m doin’ or why I got arrested or whatever. ‘Cause yeah, I might be a massive fuck up, but that’s not all I am.

What three words would others probably use to describe you? Insane. Charmin’. Raw.

[babethepig]

two slow dancers

Summary: "Who are you dating? Do I know him?"Dan snorts."Phil," it comes out easy and natural, Dan's brain processing what he said a second too late.

or dan and phil are best friends and neighbors and secretly (not so secretly) in love but from Dan's POV.

Second part of you fill my head with you

Word count: 2.7K

Rating: G

(read on ao3)

Dan doesn't even notice the first lie, it slips through his lips like dry sand escapes your fingers when the wind blows. He must show a lot of conviction because Rina believes him without a fuss and she doesn't usually believe in Dan's excuses.

She wants Dan to go on a date with a friend of her’s, she has been nagging Dan for a whole week. It's Friday, at this point Dan is in a state of total annoyance.

"Where is this coming from?" Dan squints at her. "In all the months I have known you, you haven't cared about my love life."

She makes a face. "Ok, maybe my friend saw a picture of you and has been bullying me into getting him a date with you."

"Well, that's flattering," Rina rolls her eyes, Dan ignores her. "But I don't think my boyfriend will appreciate me going out with some other dude."

Her face lights up at the word boyfriend, Dan can see the moment it happens, her eyes go wide and her mouth hangs open.

"You didn't tell me about your boyfriend!"

Dan shrugs. "It's pretty recent."

"Who are you dating? Do I know him?"

Dan snorts.

"Phil," it comes out, easy and natural, Dan's brain processing what he said a second too late.

Dan is not going to think why it feels so right to say it, he's sure the guilt will come later anyway.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾    ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Dragging his feet against the floor while he makes his way through the hallway, Dan reaches his door. He’s standing in front of it but changes his mind at the last second. He turns around. There's another place he would rather be at.

Dan gets his key out and opens the door like is his own home, he ignores the feeling of buzzing bees in his stomach and twists the doorknob. Sometimes, Dan likes to pretend this is his life and he gets to come home to Phil every day, and kiss him hello and goodbye and goodnight and kiss him and kiss him and kiss him... But he ruined his chance.

Phil’s apartment is quiet when Dan enters, that’s a rare occurrence, Phil is usually home when Dan comes back, with food already on the way and maybe some board game set up.

“Phil?” Dan takes his shoes off by the door. “Phil, are you here?”

A noise comes from the room, it sounds like a soft whine. Dan rushes in.

“Phil?”

He's a lump on the bed, curled up on himself. Phil whines again.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Dan sits on the edge of the bed.

"Head hurts,” Phil mumbles, sounding miserable. Dan pushes the hair off his forehead.

“Is it really bad?” Dan makes sure to use the softest voice he can, to not disturb him. “Did you take your tablets?”

Phil shakes his head.

Dan goes fetch the tablets, he knows where Phil keeps them. It’s not the first time he has witnessed one of Phil’s migraines, he knows how bad they can get. He goes to the kitchen and fills a glass with cool water before going back to the room.

“There you go,” Phil sits up to take his medicine. “You look like a kicked puppy,” Dan gives him a warm smile

Phil pouts. “Lay with me,” he says, making grabby hands towards Dan.

The bees inside Dan’s stomach start buzzing harder, Dan wouldn’t say no to Phil.

Dan takes off his coat, realizing just now that he’s still wearing it, and slips into the bed behind Phil, he wraps an arm around Phil's waist and rests his open palm on his stomach.

“Missed you,” Phil mumbles before falling unconscious again.

In moments like this Dan tries to remember he did this to himself.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾    ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

“You have a boyfriend?” Estelle asks, cornering Dan in the break room.

“Rina told you?”

“Of course she did, she’s my wife,” she puts her hands on her waist and gives him a look that makes him feel like he’s in trouble.

“You’re not married.”

“We’re beyond that,” Estelle shrugs. “Why didn’t you tell us before? Haven’t you thought about all the double dates we could have been having all this time?”

“It’s pretty recent,” he repeats the lie he told Rina just the other day.

“Phil is your neighbour, right?” Dan nods. “I mean, it was just a matter of time, you’re always talking about him.” Her whole demeanour changes after she says that and she smiles at him. “Anyway, I’ll stop bothering you but you owe us a date.” She points a finger to him seeming far more threatening that someone so short and so sweet-looking should seem before leaving the room.

Dan has gotten himself into a big mess, he knows Estelle and Rina won’t stop pestering him until they meet Phil. Dan likes them, they are great people and they took Dan under their wing when he first got his job, he thinks of them as his friends and he hates lying to them. Still, he can’t just tell them the truth, Dan’s still filled with regret from the things he said.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾    ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Phil has no business being so cute, with his rosy cheeks and pretty blue eyes, tipsy from the wine they had with dinner. Martyn and Cornelia’s sofa is too small for the four of them, Phil stands in front of them for an awkward second before Dan pulls him to sit on his lap. Phil giggles and Martyn and Corn are unfazed, Dan wonders if they think there’s something between him and Phil. He hopes they do.

Dan wraps his arms around Phil’s waist and squeezes, maybe he can blame it on the wine but he feels it wouldn’t be fair, he touches Phil because he wants to and he can only hope Phil feels the same autonomy of his actions when he rests his head on the crook of Dan’s neck and puts his hands over his.

Everything feels easy with Phil, everything but words. Dan always thought he was eloquent enough to make himself understood, the problem is he’s also pretty impulsive and easily frightened, it seems.

When Dan first met Phil he was terrified, he thought Phil was an amazing person and he couldn’t believe someone like him was interested in Dan, at the moment he convinced himself he was doing Phil a favour because Dan was just going to disappoint him. Those were other times, Dan likes to think, now he knows his own worth and he knows he would never hurt Phil intentionally.

The real problem is that he doesn’t know how to communicate that to Phil, at least not with words. Maybe one of these days Phil will realize that every single one of Dan’s touches is full of intent and love and all the words Dan can't bring himself to say.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾    ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Dan has been moping around all day, he must admit. Phil left early to visit his parents and Dan was cut short of his Phil time. Maybe he should be doing a better job at masking it but he misses Phil and he dreads going back home because he won’t be there.

Rina notices Dan’s mood because her desk it too close to his and she always seems to have time to check on Dan at least ten times a day, she says she’s perceptive but Estelle says she’s nosy, Dan doesn’t have an opinion, it’s nice to have someone caring about him.

“Why the long face, hun?” she asks, sitting on top of his desk without a care in the world.

Dan answers before thinking too much, “Phil’s away.”

“Oh, no. Have you been left all alone?”

Dan pouts and nods.

“Poor baby,” she pouts back at him. “We should have a sleepover!” Rina smiles again, holding her hand close to her chest and putting on an excited face.

Dan doesn’t see why not to agree, he needs something to lift himself anyway and he would like to have some fun and not be alone.

“I’m down if you and Estelle don’t mind a sad giraffe invading your home.”

Rina laughs. “We don’t mind. I’ll text you our address in a second,” she waves him goodbye and gets off the desk.

Dan spends the rest of his shift being grateful for his friends -and thinking about Phil, but just a little.-

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾    ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

“You think Phil will be free next weekend?” Estelle asks out of nowhere.

Dan is laying between them on their bed a little full of pizza and a little drunk. He’s caught off guard for a second while he scrambles his brain for a credible lie.

“I could ask him but he has been very busy lately,” Dan feels awful for lying to them, he’s a shit friend and he doesn’t deserve them. “But I promise I’ll convince him to do something all of us together soon.”

“That’s alright,” Rina chimes in, Dan thought she was already asleep for how still she was. They might have had one too many Mojitos. “We just want to know the guy that has our Dan's heart,” she drapes her arm and her leg around Dan and reaches out for Estelle’s hand, their joined hands resting on Dan’s stomach.

“Serious talk,” Estelle says. “Does he treat you right?"

"Yeah," Dan says all high pitched, feeling his face get flushed.

"We just want you to be happy," Rina cranks her neck in an awkward angle to drop a kiss on Dan's cheek.

"I'm happy, I promise," it looks like the lies will never cease.

"If he ever hurts you, you just tell us and we will spray paint 'bitch' on his wall."

Dan snorts, "I'll keep that in mind."

He definitely deserves the ‘worst person in the world’ award.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾    ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

The domesticity of going grocery shopping with Phil hurts Dan deep to his non-existent soul. He finds himself wishing, once again, that this was his life.

He pushes the cart, Phil beside him trying to read his messy handwriting because he couldn’t write his shopping list on his phone or just try to remember what he needs and die when he inevitably forgets something like normal people do.

They stop by the cereal aisle and Phil takes his time choosing one, Dan gets his phone out and scrolls through Instagram, he sees Rina posted a picture of the day of their sleepover, she and Estelle are sitting up on the bed, Rina is pecking Estelle’s cheek. They are bending in a strange way to avoid crushing Dan, that is still sleeping between them. The pic is captioned ‘perfect centrepiece’.

Dan huffs out a quiet laugh and likes the post, he’s thinking of a clever comment when Phil taps him on the shoulder.

“Should we have granola for breakfast?” and then with a mischievous tone. “Or eggs?”

The implication that they’re having breakfast together makes Dan’s heart beat faster but he tries to keep a neutral face, better if Phil doesn’t know what a simple thing like the promise of shared meals can do to Dan.

“We’re vegan,” Dan reminds him.

Phil makes a face and puts the granola in the cart. He doesn’t have to, Dan thinks, he is the one trying to be vegan and Phil is just his friend, it’s not like they live together and have to accommodate to each other’s life habits or can take conjoined decisions, this food is for Phil’s place and Dan’s veganism shouldn’t affect the way he shops and yet Phil cares, he wants to do things with Dan, do things for Dan.

This is the kind of moment that makes Dan want to be brave for once and talk to Phil about what he feels and admit that he screwed up at the beginning of their relationship but he always talks himself out of it.

The supermarket is not a great place for love declarations anyway.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾    ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Dan suspects he has reached his lowest point when he fakes a call to get out of another double date planning conversation, he can’t keep making excuses to avoid introducing his alleged boyfriend to Estelle and Rina. He could say that he broke up with Phil, though they might not believe it. Maybe he could say it was something mutual, that they decided they were better off as friends.

His stomach turns at the idea, even a fictional breakup would be too much for his already bruised heart, if he actually had Phil he wouldn’t give him up as easy as this, he would try to make it work.

Maybe he’s just setting himself off for rejection but Dan decides that he’s going to tell Phil how he feels after the Holidays, he just doesn’t want to ruin that for Phil so he’s going to wait.

For now, he’s going to try to convince Phil to show up to a lunch date with Rina and Estelle as Dan’s boyfriend.

Without him knowing.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾    ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Of course, Phil shows up despite not having an idea of what is going on. Of course, he plays along even if he is notoriously mad. Of course, he’s the perfect fake boyfriend. Of course, Dan is more screwed than he was before.

Phil really is the perfect boyfriend, Dan reckons. He’s nice to Dan but still has a sense of humour to tease him and bant with him, he��s charming and pretty and Dan is sure Rina and Estella have bought the act.

Dan has bought it too if he’s being honest, he feels like he’s being allowed to have a peek into the life he could have had if only he hasn’t pushed Phil away. Phil is the best person in the world and Dan is an imposter.

By the end of the date, Dan has convinced himself there’s no way Phil still wants him and he should keep his distance

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾    ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Phil needs time away from him, Dan repeats in his head over and over again until he makes himself think he believes it.

Not knocking at Phil's door every time he comes back from work gets harder every time, not having Phil there to share every moment it's killing Dan. But confrontation is worse.

Dan can't handle Phil's disappointment, Phil's anger. What if Phil hates him for being a liar? What if he doesn’t want to be friends with Dan anymore? What if he moves out and Dan never sees him again?

Dan doesn't even want to think about it.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾    ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

When the power goes out and Phil comes into his apartment Dan can barely believe it. He forgets that he’s scared of the dark and just jumps into Phil’s arms, too happy to know Phil doesn’t hate him to care about the absence of light around them.

They talk and Dan confesses he was scared of fucking up everything between them and Phil tells him he loves him despite everything. Things still feel a little tilted, they have a lot to talk about, but Dan has the feeling they will work it out at the end.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾    ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Phil is a big fan of double dates. Well, probably he’s just a big fan of Estelle and Rina. Dan can’t blame him, they’re amazing.

They all hang out so much Rina ends up pointing out Phil’s new lack of responsibilities and Dan has to come clean about his lies. He’s lucky they’re just mad at him for about five minutes. Estelle says she’s too glad it worked out at the end to be angry and Rina says she only forgives him because Phil is sweet, not because of Dan, he’s an asshole. It’s better than what he could have ever asked for.

And Dan gets to be with Phil, as unbelievable as he finds it.

They’re on the sofa, Dan’s arm over Phil’s shoulders. It’s nothing they wouldn't have done before but it still gives Dan a trill, he's Phil's boyfriend, he has his arm around his shoulders and Phil is cuddling into him. It's not different and yet it's completely different. There are no excuses or pretences, they’re free to love each other.

Good thing this is Dan's life.

[mollyphoria]

(off my chest post.)

As soon as I turned the age of 27 last year it was like I've been awaken from a cruel false dream. I opened my eyes then boom I see 27 years of my life laid out in front of me wasted. Yes it took 27 effin years for me to wake up. I wasted all this years and now I'm suffering the consequences of not following my heart, now I'm suffering the repercussions for not realising my dreams sooner as well as pursuing them. I don't believe in myself enough to stand for what I really want so I let society dictate me. I dont love myself enough to believe that I have the capabilities to follow my dreams, luck wasn't on my side too,the odds were never in my favor. So yes I guess I blame both myself and the circumstances given to me on why I failed in life. I failed myself. Society failed me. The system failed me. Oh how I envy people who were able to realise their dreams when they were a kid. these people mostly turns out to be the successful ones in life while I'm left in shambles of not knowing what to do or having such a huge dream I knew I would never reach it. I wanted to become a supermodel but I'm not pretty and tall enough plus I'm from a country not supported by society on having supermodels. Then I wanted to be a rock star. Touring the world, playing the guitar, performing on stage. I can probably make this happen but once again I don't believe in myself and lack of support from family/society was what made this dream seem to get more impossible. I would like to pursue the arts anything from singing, dancing,writing ,painting,drawing etc but I let myself be influenced by what our society drills in my head everyday that there's no money with any of these endeavours so I never got serious to try to achieve greatness from these "useless, juvenile" dreams and plus you need God-given talent to qualify pursuing the arts and I don't have an ounce of it.

So as time goes by I continued to grow older like a dead leaf flailing around in the wind without a specific direction but downwards. But deep-rooted in my soul I knew what I wanted but I chose to stupidly ignore that little voice in my heart that tells me what to do. I to this day continue to beat myself up why I haven't even tried to listen to myself.

So what I did was to completely surrender myself to settle for a lesser,smaller dream that I could possibly reach according to the circumstances I'm handed with

I took up a course in college that I felt at the time would be something I would enjoy and easy,cheap enough to simply graduate and have that diploma just for the sake of it. When I got into the real world and became a full pledge adult for the first time ever I got hit by depression and that's when I first acknowledge that I'm not made for this at all but what I did instead of abandoning it was to try again and aim higher which is to have my own wings and to fly high in the sky and see the world. I held on to that dream. I went to school again. For a moment I had a purpose and for the first time I had direction. I thought I found myself as I try to get those wings. I thought that this will be my redemption. I made myself to believe that I'm meant to do this. I went above and beyond to achieve success. But alas I continued to be the chosen reject and once again odds weren't exactly on my favor and I have given up by the time I'm 27 years old. This is when it all crashed down on me I was chasing a dream gone dead all those years and basically wasted my youth as a result and gained nothing at the end. And I have to admit that i somewhat resent God for putting this dream to flourish in my heart but never gave me a breakthrough to even achieve it. I was left beaten and destroyed. I slaved myself away for nothing, experienced all those sufferings for nothing. I got nothing for all those sacrifices and hardwork I did. Literally all those blood,sweat and tears were for absolutely nothing at the end. I was utterly broken down,my heart was utterly crushed nothing left but broken pieces and a whirlpool of regret. If even this small, mediocre dream I settle myself for is still unattainable for me then my life is no longer worth living. I then proceed to wallow on self pity and resentment and went down to the worst depression I've ever experience in my life. Tears kept on falling like faucets in my eyes. Every streak of effort, energy, motivation ,hope left my body,mind and soul altogether. I turned ultimately dead inside. I don't have anything left in me to even pretend to continue fighting my way into this world. I can't even help myself to help myself. it's like I already died and what was left is just a hollow husk of my former self.

At 27 yrs old i went back to zero. I'm left with nothing to hope for, I didn't gain anything from all the things I went through. After Having the painful knowledge that the journey I made for myself all throughout my teenage to mid twenties is only to become of worthless dust and vomit at the end it made me inevitably bitter about life in general. I started acknowledging thoughts of dying for real. How I realized that it's better to be dead than to be alive, how I wish to have never been born at all. I missed all of these opportunities to win in life and I felt like giving up. Because Life is Suffering nothing more nothing less we will continue to suffer coz that whats life for this is the true meaning of life we are just put here to live so we can suffer and I'm not cut out for it I'm too weak to even restart again.

I realized alot of things. When I was a kid I was always looking forward to the future. I was foolishly, completely convinced that my life will get better as I get older and now that I'm older it turned out to be such a stupid thought coz life didn't get better it only gotten worse and it could only get worst from here on out.

Starting now I shouldn't hope for things to change for the better. It's dangerous to have a false hope and I swear to myself that I wouldn't let myself be fueled by false hope anymore.

And now that it's October I will turn a year older unless I cease to exist first.

I'm honestly scared of the future, now that I can see the true essence of it in its whole entirety.

At 28 I'm running out of time.

I missed the chance to get my life stable.

At 28 I'm entirely clueless on how to get my shit together and I don't even think I have the strength to improve myself. I felt like I just don't care anymore.

At 28 I should have already bought my mother a new house instead I'm stuck and rotting away in a room at her own old house.

At 28 I'm still miserable asf

Still bitter asf

Still dumb asf

Still doubtful asf

Still a loser asf

Let me discuss the thoughts I have about this song 28 of Agust D. This song single handedly describes the anxiety I feel for getting older. The fact that the age he pertained on the title of this song is 28 exactly the age I'm about to turn into soon just solidifies the strong grip it acquired to hold my heart and soul. I felt extremely lucky to turn 28 at the same year with someone as genius as him (tho his 27 international age) nevertheless I'm thankful about this.

Tho there are things that I'm honestly confuse about him having the same fears with someone like me who's a nobody without any single awards, recognitions, accolades or any kind of impact to the world, who's not loved and praised by millions nor have millions of money in my bank account, who doesn't have a big house,big cars nor big rings.

It baffles the living daylights out of me that a person like Min Yoongi who achieved so much in life would feel scared about not knowing his dreams is really about as he gets older. He basically achieved every single one of the dreams I have for myself. His overly set for life that his great great great great great grandchildren will be also set for life. His life wasn't the same like before. His life changed for the better . He earns millions of money by doing what he loves at such a young age. He simply won in life.

We are both 28 but the life I'm bestowed in is the utmost opposite of the life his bestowed in. I'm at the loser end of the spectrum while his in the winner side yet we share somewhat the same fears and anxiety about having to grow older.

This made me question if happiness is really just an illusion. well the genuine authentic euphoric kind of happiness.

Is existence all really just a one big mess with occasional ephemeral pleasure?

If a person who accomplished so much at only 28 still feels depression what's left for me then should I just go kill myself?

Alot of the reasons why I got into this level of depression is because I didn't fulfill anything Yoongi fulfilled.well I'm not really into fame so much but i hope i succeeded on not having to worry about whether I could buy a house or rent an apartment. Yoongi could buy a building for himself while I can't even afford a bedspace of my own

Yoongi could travel the whole world in a whim while I'm mostly stuck in the same place

The stark contrast of our lives is so immense I cant even get my head wrapped around it

My only dillema is that I'm afraid to die but I'm also afraid to live

It's been proven to me now that living in this world is not really living at all it's just purely surviving and I can't deal with this

I'd rather die than to be a slave to the system. And it seems like I don't even have a choice maybe to disappear is the only way out

I'm just not cut out with the cards I've been dealt with

If only I could voluntarily pull my existence out of here then I would do it in a heartbeat

I wish there is a stop button from all of these

[readbythestarlight]

c2e88

Taliesin is so confused by this ad lol

Where is Laura?

The groans xD

Laura's?? Not here?? I mean I'm glad she's at the game awards but THIS IS SUCH A BIG WEEK STORY WISE

Boy we've just started and I'm already ready to die

[[MORE]]

I only just caught it just now but are the CA saying they recovered the beacon that was stolen? Aka the one the M9 returned to Xhorhas already? Or a different one?

The Bright Queen gave them a house and the best the empire can do is a cozy inn? Lame.

(I was always more pro-Dynasty than Empire but it's pretty much set now.)

Didn't even pay for their dinner?? Rude.

Cad: "I've had to learn new words for what happens to me now."

The Dynasty: "We cannot afford to 100% trust you but you have done us a great service so here is a house and a symbol to show you have the favor of our Queen."

The Empire: "You did us a great service but also fuck you here's a hotel and no meal and also if you don't do this thing for us we'll charge you as traitors even though only two of you are actually from the Empire."

lol the hotel workers are funny tho

Empire people? Cool. Empire rules? Fucking suck.

Nat20 for free stuff xD

F: "who's the grossest?"

Cad: "I was swallowed."

Y: "I haven't had a shower in months."

F: "oh! God! What!?"

Cad: "You've won first place."

Y: "Oh, no, I wasn't trying to like..."

J: "IM GOING FIRST!"

I'm worried about Caleb

Snuggling his cat and thinking over his trauma </3

Laura just left the awards show omg

Also the way that Travis looked at her like heart eyes and Laura being like "hey baby ;)"

She looks hot by the way

Yasha paying Fjord back from MONTHS ago is sweeeeet

The book? What's the book? I don't remember?

"Is there a chair...?"

"There is."

"Kill it with fire!"

Oh boy here we go

"And I think we need to work with him...?" I don't like that and I don't think you do he's a liar and a manipulator and a piece of shit

But I understand his point because they are in the worst potion right now

Cad: "if he even looks at you sideways we will not leave enough of him to be found."

Goddamn Caduceus. I love him so much.

Cad: "Well, what I mean was we will do all we can to keep you safe. Is... what I meant."

They're being very serious about this and I'm so glad

Well okay they WERE being serious...

Lol Beau with this teenager is so funny and adorable

I'm glad they're not all sleeping alone

Jester is all sad that Beau doesn't want to double up :(

The B/J/Y shippers just went wild lol

F to C: "if you want to finish this personally... let me know." Thank you Fjord

My old Widofjord shipping heart is happy

Omg Cad handing over the symbol of the Wildmom and telling Fjord he's doing well on his own IM HAVING A LOT OF FEELINGS TONIGHT Y'ALL

Oh boy Yasha dream

I'm emotional

Like crying

Sure this guy does something neat with doors but doES HE FLOAT??

I miss Essek

The only mage with a tower I trust is Yussah and it is NOT this guy

Of course Trent is the one who confirmed it had been found

It's definitely trapped somehow

I don't like that they have to go somewhere that Trent decides

WHISPERS

he's a shifty fucker right we all know he is

Double whispers

Lol meeting in the Happy Fun Ball

I was gonna say the Forge

Jester wants to have it at Traveler con xD

Jester is weirding him out and I love it

God sure have this very serious possibly war ending meeting on The Ball Eater sure

They're disasters

I can't decide how I feel about him and I want to hear the results of the whispers

Oh no I'm worried about Yasha

Okay... so he's helping hide Yasha that's good, but is he also gonna hold that over them?

I hope Trent looks at Caleb sideways so the M9 can cut him into pieces

I feel like this guy is meant to be the Empire version of Essek but he's got nothing on Hot Boi

In a dense forest under a bunch of trees and a tower in the middle of nowhere

Oh fuck the sanitorium oh god oh fuck someone immediately check on Caleb

Trent did that on purpose

Hey Cad remember when you said y'all were gonna tear Trent apart if he tried to hurt Caleb? It's time to start ripping.

I haaaaaate this

I'm still trying to decide if Caleb legitimately snapped or if something was done to him

I want to crawl through my screen and strangle Trent myself

Someone please stay between Caleb and Trent at all times

So... nobody in the empire questions why Trent Ick-athon has a laboratory in a sanitorium huh. Like that doesn't ring any bells?

Also fuck it's Edowulf

Astrid's gonna come in to try and throw Caleb off isnt she

Liar liar pants on fire every word out of your mouth is a lie you vile don't of a biiiitch

WHISPERSSSS

he's a liar liar liar

Or he's telling half the truth

So the tripod... prevents it from working?

God he's such a condescending fuck I hate him

I haaaaate him and I hate that he's playing it so cool and calm because that makes Caleb seem like the unreasonable one which is brilliant of him but it just makes me loathe him even more

Oh god Caleb please roll well

Fuck fuck fuck I hate him fuck someone GET BETWEEN THEM

I feel gross and I'm not even in the room with Trent ugh

This tense standoff between Caleb and Trent is physically fucking me up my skin is crawling

Also Nott touched it and nothing happened

Eowulf is one of Trent's "favorite" and and he's looking at Caleb like a creep

Even if I don't trust him I appreciate Ludinus stepping in to cut the tension

Beau trying to trip him upppppp I love her

Alright time to get them out of there Ludinus

Shut the fuck up Trent you state away from both Caleb AND Yasha

C: "Wulf. It's good to see you again."

Eowulf: "it's good to see you too. It's been some time. You look good."

I haaaaaaaaate that they're all being so calm and semi-friendly because again it makes Trent and his ilk look like the reasonable ones

Ludinus: "I can always deal with Trent after the fact."

Y: "Let us know when you do that. We would like to help." Damn fucking straight

Essek scrys because he's worried about them and he pops in just in time to hear Jester insulting his teleporting Lol

I get the feeling Matt is tweaking the time of Traveler Con a bit because he doesn't want Jester to feel pressured to interrupt important things

Is the Wildmom illegal in the Empire?

Ha Fjord impressed Ludinus nice

L: "it's... entirely off-putting how disarmingly charming you are. I don't know how to handle it." That is the funniest thing anyone has ever said about Jester

J: "are you alright Caleb?"

C: "I don't know."

Y: "I don't like him at all."

Everyone else: "same/oh god no."

Okay Wildmom is illegal time to hide your shiny thing

Cad: "I have never seen another person walk so daintily around the truth."

See every time Caleb talks about how Trent gave "private lessons" my skin crawls it just draws too many parallels to creepy creepy shit

Yasha is gonna be good for Caleb here, they both understand what it's like to be used and controlled and manipulated

So like Trent was THERE and if he saw that Caleb knew about the beacons then he's gonna know that somehow they were involved with the beacon disappearing

Oh she's creepy

Cad gonna buy the femur flute lol

The pranksters gonna get that glue oh lord

Yasha gets a bone harp and she and Caduceus start the most unnerving band ever and I for one am THRILLED

Don't they still need to fetch something for the three kobolds in a trench coat? Let alone for Pumat and now this woman lol

Pride silk.... oh dear it's gonna be mutant bugs

Called it

Three silk worms good luck bringing those back

Matt's like WOOO fight tournament hell yeah!

Y'all should go take downtime in Xhorhas in the Xhorhaus and talk to Essek about all this

....I just really miss Essek guys please

Liam O'Brian you will NOT let Caleb sneak off on his own to go see Astrid you CANNOT ajslajkssksk

This episode didn't go as painfully/badly as it could have but it still stressed me out a lot and I'm still worried about Caleb and Trent Ick-athon can choke and if Caleb really goes go off on his own I will scream like baby PLEASE

God now we have to wait a whole week IS IT THURSDAY YET

[hopeworldfan]

RO5EY (2)

summary: you were an idol but didn’t look the part.

pairing: hoseok/reader

word count: 1k+

genre: fluff, angst, idolverse

warning: bullying, mentions of depression, mentions of suicide

Blooms meant the absolute world to you. They were the ones who made it possible for you to have a career that you loved, they supported you and encouraged you through thick and thin, so you tried to give back to them as much as you possibly could. In doing so, you were the most active of your group on Vlive and social media (since your company allowed you all to have your own personal accounts.) It was the least you could do for the people who gave so much to you.

“Hey, guys!” You greeted cheerfully, a wide smile on your face as you sat in your room. “How’s everyone doing today?”

You relaxed back in your chair, scanning the chat log as messages flooded in as people joined the stream.

“Better now that you see my face? You guys are so sweet!” You gushed, framing your face and smiling at the camera. It was hard to not let on just how tired you were after a long day of rehearsing, but you hadn’t streamed in a while and felt guilty. Sleep could wait.

“When are we coming to America? Hopefully soon! I want to see you guys so bad!” You answered with a pout. Your eyes continued to scan the outpour of messages, schooling your expression as the meaner comments started to trickle in.

Fat pig

How disgusting

Why are you in a group with such cute girls, you only bring them down

You should just die

It wasn’t anything new, unfortunately. Ever since the five of you debuted, you always received the most hate, it was commonplace.

“Oh! You guys saw our interview with BTS? They’re all so nice.” You paused to take a sip of your water. “You liked my performance of Cypher? Aww thank you! I was so nervous, it was embarrassing!”

You made a fool of yourself

The performance was terrible

You’re not talented

Kill yourself

“J-Hope is your bias too? We’re bias twins!” You laughed, keeping a smile on your face. The cruel words hurt, of course they did, but you couldn’t let it get to you. If you let it get to you then that means they won, so you soldiered on, chatting with your real fans.

“Advice for unconventional girls who want to be idols?” You paused. That question was a frequent one that was fielded your way. “You have to have thick skin. I’m very vocal about the hate I receive, and it never really gets easier, but sweet fans like you guys give me the strength to power through! As long as I can make one person smile with what I do, nothing is going to stop me!”

You chatted with your fans for another half hour before signing off and slumping down into your chair. What felt like every bone in your body cracked when you stretched your limbs and sighed. It was late, but you had wanted to stream at a time convenient for your American fans and since practice didn’t end until late, it seemed like the perfect opportunity. When in Rome and all that.  

Sinking into your plush mattress felt like heaven and you couldn’t help the sigh that slipped out. Tomorrow was going to be another long day of practicing for the next award show performance. RO5EY strived for nothing less than perfection, it’s what was necessary to stay on top, and it’s what the fans deserved. With fans in mind, you forced yourself to sit back up and grab your phone, working on taking a cute selfie to post on Instagram.  

Since your company’s sole focus was defying idol norms, it wasn’t a surprise when they let you all have your own personal social media accounts. Though they were monitored by a social media manager, you mostly had free reign to post whatever you wanted, within reason. They didn’t want the reputation of the group getting tarnished by outlandish posts.

After a few minutes of changing angles and poses, one of the pictures was decent enough post and you did so quickly, adding a caption thanking the Blooms who tuned into the Vlive and telling them to be on the lookout for the next one. It was only a matter of seconds before the comments started.

No one cares about your vlive.

You’re the worst member.

Ugly.

Hana had suggested turning commenting off, so did the social media manager. That would have been the smart thing to do, because even if the accounts got reported and suspended, more only rose to take their place. You couldn’t bring yourself to do it though, the whole reason for your presence on social media was to interact with your fans. There was something so amazing about being able to bring joy to someone just by replying to their comment, or hell, even just liking it. So, you dealt with the hate, tried to let it roll off your back, focusing on the positives and trying your best to ignore the negatives.

Just as you were sinking back in your bed, your phone buzzed, and you laughed when you saw it was a text from your leader.

Why are you posting so late? We have a long day tomorrow; you need your rest.

Also, that’s a cute picture.

Practice was intense, but it always was. Youra was a perfectionist and she led practices since she was assigned the role of lead dancer. She was a harsh teacher, never letting the smallest of mistakes slip by, but none of you ever took it personally, you wanted to be perfect.

“And feet together on eight,” She instructed and the four of you immediately followed suit. “Next the dance line has a feature so you two can go have a quick break while we go over this.”

The dance line consisted of you, Youra, and Hana. Out of the three, you were by far the least experienced dancer which meant you always had to work ten times harder to make the work look effortless. Hana was classically trained before she became a trainee, and Youra’s parents owned a hip-hop studio so she’d been dancing since she could walk.

Byeol would have been the ideal third member of the dance line since she was also classically trained, but since Youra and Hana were both vocalists, management wanted a either you or Seung and your poor rap partner was even more hopeless at dancing than you were.  

Sweat dripped down your face as you worked to keep up with Youra’s movements. Your muscles burned with every move, ever stretch, but you refused to give up. Dancing had become easier over the years, but it still took you longer to master routines.  

“Alright, let’s take a break then take it from the top.” You immediately slumped to the ground the second the words slipped out Youra’s mouth. The cool, wooden floors were a welcome relief against your hot skin.

“Yeah unnie! That’s my rap partner!” Seung cheered, running up and collapsing on top of your pitiful form. You groaned and immediately pushed her off, flopping onto your back.

“Put me out of my misery.” You pleaded desperately but your black-haired friend just laughed.

“You don’t get off the hook that easy unnie.”

“You’re doing really well unnie.” Byeol complimented, walking up to the two of you.

“Thanks, ByeBye.” You said, your voice muffled from your arms covering your voice. Your maknae was always there to shower you in compliments when necessary, she was the cutest person on the entire planet and that wasn’t an exaggeration.

“Hey girls!” A cheery voice interrupted, and you immediately jumped up.

“Jaewon-unnie!”

“Hello Jaewon-unnie!”

“Good morning Jaewon-unnie.”

“There’s our favorite manager!”

“Hiya Jaewon-unnie.” You all greeted. Jaewon was the one who started it all. Despite only being ten years older than you, she was the CEO and one of the founders of the small company your group belonged to. It was uncommon, having a female CEO, but it was also uncommon having a chubby girl as an idol, and that was the whole point.

Jaewon was highly critical of the toxic parts of the K-Pop industry. Her aunt had been an idol back in the day and she saw first-hand the effects the industry had on young men and women. She did her senior thesis on the changes the industry should make. With a few friends and help from her very wealthy family, she founded the company. You all admired her so much, knowing how hard she’s worked to make the company, and your group successful.  

“I have some exciting news,” She started with a smile and the five of you crowded her immediately, eager for whatever news she had. “I’ve been in contact with BigHit-”

Seung immediately squealed and you slapped your hand over her mouth, despite the fact that you easily could have had the same reaction. You all knew BigHit, more importantly, you all knew a certain group that was under their management.

“As I was saying,” Jaewon laughed. “I’ve been in contact with BigHit. The ratings for the show you did with BTS were better than either of us thought they would be. Apparently, there was a surge of international viewers. There are talks about a collaboration being thrown around.”

All five of your squealed that time, even Hana, though hers was more subdued.

“Nothing is set in stone yet.” Your manager quickly interjected. “But we’re thinking about doing a series of some sort since there are too many people for one song. If it all goes according to plan, we’re looking at RM and Hana since you’re both leaders, Byeol and Jungkook since you’re both the maknae, Youra with Jimin and V, Seung with Suga and Jin, and (y/n) with J-Hope.”

“Oh my god shut up unnie! Ahh!” Seung shrieked, bouncing up and down in sheer excitement. “I get to work with Suga? Is this a dream? This has to be a dream! Pinch me (y/n)-unnie!”

You automatically pinched your excited companion and she squealed again. “It’s not a dream!”

“Jimin is a beautiful dancer, this is exciting.” Youra grinned.

“With Jungkook?” Byeol’s face was a bright red.

“When will we know more?” Hana questioned, always getting straight to business.

“We’re having a meeting in three days to iron out the details.”

You were frozen solid. A collaboration with J-Hope? Just you and him? You reached down and pinched yourself, wincing at the pain. Okay, not a dream.

[jjpmoans]

50 Questions Tag

Tagged by @prettywordsyouleft and @itsallabigmess bcs these two unnies really love me

1. What takes too much of your time?

Social media (yes that includes tumblr)

2. What makes your day better?

These days, Jinyoung. Lol okay so I am a very talkative one. So yeah, talking to someone will immediately makes me feel less stressful.

3. What’s the best thing that happened to you today?

Just now @itsallabigmess made an exception for me to write a GOT7 fic asdfghjkl I FEEL A LITTLE TOO OVER HAPPY

4. What fictional place would you like to go to?

I think almost all my friend would have guess this. Hogwarts. Because the food there seems to be endless and really, I’d love to try eating both drumsticks in my hand and I want to put an incantation to whoever tries to hold me from eating.

5. Are you good at giving advice?

Well, I think I am. Judging from how my whole family turned to me when they wanted to share their problems. Also when I gave advises, I always stresses this one thing “Listen to understand, don’t listen to reply” and that implies to me too. And honestly, I listen too much and sometimes when people just don’t want to change, I feel really annoyed BECAUSE WHAT IS THE POINT YOU WANTED MY ADVISE???? Okay I think I’m good. hahahhahhaha

6. Do you have any mental illness?

Horny 24/7 is that a mental illness? lmao no I’m not that bad but I think I need to get married. NOW.

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

Not yet. In my country, people describe sleep paralysis as you got crushed by some spirit (ghost to be exact) and yes it is scary and I hope I would never experience it.

8. What musician inspired you the most?

I’ve been thinking a lot and though I really want to say GOT7, I’d say EXO. Partly because I was there since early times, but also, the amount of success and loyalties they have received are really unbelievable. The secret of EXO’s and BTS’s popularity which leads them to win daesang in every award is their fans. And I really hope ahgase can be like them. I’d be lying if I say our fandom is really hardworking when it comes to award season. I’ve seen my friend bullshitting EXO and BTS bcs whenever any of them is nominated in the same award of GOT7, automatically, GOT7 will lose. And no joke, army and exol are really monsters during award season. And I hope us ahgase can be like that too. I know got7 said they didn’t mind but Jinyoung once said that he want to know how those groups can win daesang easily and he thought got7 need to work harder. smh I’m emo. sorry this got longer than it should. 

9. Have you ever fallen in love?

I do. Hahahahhahaha yes I do. 

10. What’s your dream date?

Well for me, just talking with each other is a date. I love to know small details because when I love someone, I just want to know everything about him. But okay a dream date? Amusement park. Yes you need to know which ride makes me scream like a girl and which makes me scream like a mad woman.

11. What do others notice about you?

I’m very talkative (that really shows lol). And I don’t know how to refuse when someone ask for a help or anything. I always tell myself to treat people the way I want to be treated. 

And they said I’m too nice. Yeah I figured that too hahahahhaa

12. What is an annoying habit you have?

Refuse to listen when I’m angry. I feel annoyed because I know I’m wrong but I’m angry but I don’t want to hurt people. So I’ll say “Sorry, I’m very angry now but I know I’m wrong. Just, I’ll be okay later so we’ll talk later”

13. Do you still talk to your first love?

Yes and no. Our last conversation was he wanted to meet me. But ever since then, no other conversation.

14. How many ex’s do you have?

Can’t relate lol

15. How many songs are in your playlist?

Here’s the thing. I have a lot of playlists. Phone playlist, laptop playlist, joox playlist and youtube playlist. So I don’t know how many of them.

16. What instruments can you play?

Non existent.

17. Who do you have the most pictures of?

My phone? Now? Jinyoung smh this is all Tumblr’s fault lol. 

18. Where would you like to go before you die?

Mecca. I’d like to die there if I can.

19. What is your zodiac?

Virgo. And please, someone, please help me calculate whatever thing it was (sun sign, moon sign and all) I never knew those things and it irks me when I don’t know it hahahahhaaa

20. Do you relate to it?

Well I did some research here, Virgo firstly is a virgin and yes I am. It says that virgo is very supportive of people in their lives and even strangers, that is me. I’m a critical thinker bcs I personally hate when something goes wrong. but lol hardworking, artists and remembers everything? Not even close. I’m a lazy ass, I draw a cow but it turned into a pig and I am hopeless with my memory.

But one Virgo thing about me, yes I am an overthinker hahahahhaa

21. What is happiness to you?

When my family reunited.

22. Are you going through anything right now?

Family problem. Mom just got heart attack, dad married another woman, brother on crisis with mom, sister just stabbed my back, aunt made everything worse. It’s been three months into 2019, every week, another family problem popped up. But we are trying, I tried to fix everything, another role which the smallest child has to take upon responsibility but I’m fine. Just, tiring.

23. What’s the worst decision you’ve ever made?

applied for the wrong scholarship and wasted an opportunity to fly to New Zealand for study.

24. What’s your favourite store?

Food stores. Any of them. ARE MY FAVOURITE ahhahahhaha

25. What’s your opinion on abortion?

Because I’m a muslim, I am against abortion. Here, in my country, abortion is done because it was done out of wedlock and they feel embarrassed. So, it irks me bcs if you can think to have sex, you can’t think that there is possibilities that you can get pregnant? And to kill your child bcs you wanted to cover it, is unacceptable. But again, it is personal choice. 

26. Do you keep a bucket list?

I have a few but not enough to be a bucket. 

27. Do you have a favourite album?

Honestly, if favourite means I have listened to all songs in that album, it’s EXO The War album. 

28. What do you want for your birthday?

A freaking big plushie. I love to hug big plushies. But no one ever wanted to give me that for my birthday. And now, I’ve been searching for a big squirtle plushie or snorlax plushie (yes jackson and jaebum)

29. What are most people’s first impression of you?

okay this one lol they said I look scary and they thought I’d be the grumpy one. Well, if you meet me when I’m hungry, I have the tendency to be one.

30. What age do you seem according to most people?

I don’t know anymore. An aunt asked me “Are you the one who got married?” when it was my sister smh 

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping?

next to my pillow bcs I need to charge it.

32. what word do you say the most?

me? I say “shit” a lot lol

33. What’s the oldest age you would date?

well I would say I definitely date anyone as long as they are not the same age with my dad.

34. What’s the youngest age you would date?

idk I never thought on dating a younger one. But if I do, maybe 4 years younger bcs damn, if I make it 10 years, my date would be 12 when me here is 22.

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you?

something which requires me to talk a lot. 

36. What’s your favourite music genre?

K-Pop.

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

South Korea. New Zealand. Anywhere but Malaysia lol.

38. What is your current favourite song?

Say you won’t let go - James Arthur

39. How long have you had this blog for?

I had this blog for a few years. But just becoming active just recently hmm I don’t know the exact date. But I know it started after I interacted with @prettywordsyouleft

40. What are you excited for?

Food. and sponsored vacation

41. Are you a better talker or listener?

A better talker. but also a pretty good listener

42. What is the last productive thing you did?

Last sunday, i climbed a 200m hill to get to the view point. It got me panting like a dying cow.

43. What do you want for Christmas?

While I don’t celebrate Christmas, I welcome gifts. Any gifts would be fine lol (make sure its food)

44. What class do you get the best grades in?

High school? Chemistry. College? Mathematic. Now? Nothing hahahahaha

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now?

5 and exhausted but tomorrow? 10 BECAUSE A JINYOUNG IS COMING

46. What can you see yourself doing in 10 years?  

10 years I just hope that I am already working and saving money to go on vacations and can sponsor my family on vacations too.

47. When did you first get your heartbreak?

2009 when I discovered that dad has another wife. I was 12 and just got my exam result but dad wasn’t there. He was never present for any of my achievements in school. Turns out he has another child the same age as me and he puts her before me. Since I was born, I was always put second.

2011 when I liked a guy but he hated me awh teenagers. He said I’m too fat and how dare a fat girl like me tries to like him? He was my first love.

48. At what age do you want to get married?

When I am ready. I have a dream wedding, so I would work hard for it to happen.

49. What career did you want to have as a child?

Idk I always change it lol today i’ll say teacher and next day I’ll say ballerina. Yes I spent my whole school life giving different careers when teachers asked me.

50. What do you crave right now?

Food bcs I’m on diet and hell those food porns are getting on my nerves.

Phew it was a good time answering all these questions and it drains my energy lol. So for this, hmm I don’t know who to tag. But i’ll go with this one @sevenpeaches @riceeater22 @tuanyiems @kpopchangedme @kpopstories @starhibiki @ongsung @sehunsmybae (yes I always saw you) and everyone who want to do this! of course, you are not forced to do this

[fae-fucker]

Review: The Murder Complex

by Lindsay Cummings

An action-packed, blood-soaked, futuristic debut thriller set in a world where the murder rate is higher than the birthrate. For fans of Moira Young’s Dust Lands series, La Femme Nikita, and the movie Hanna.

Meadow Woodson, a fifteen-year-old girl who has been trained by her father to fight, to kill, and to survive in any situation, lives with her family on a houseboat in Florida. The state is controlled by The Murder Complex, an organization that tracks the population with precision.

The plot starts to thicken when Meadow meets Zephyr James, who is—although he doesn’t know it—one of the MC’s programmed assassins. Is their meeting a coincidence? Destiny? Or part of a terrifying strategy? And will Zephyr keep Meadow from discovering the haunting truth about her family?

Action-packed, blood-soaked, and chilling, this is a dark and compelling debut novel by Lindsay Cummings.

There’s a video on YouTube where Sasha Alsberg and Lindsay Cummings try to promote Zenith and their favorite books by speculating about what sort of books Andi would enjoy reading.

Lindsay, being the humble creature that she is, says that Andi would enjoy this book. Why? Because Andi would recognize Meadow’s methods as similar to her own? Because Andi would enjoy reading an edgy “thriller” because she too is edgy? Or even because both Andi and Meadow are beautiful waifish white girls with silver hair who don’t particularly mind killing people?

Actually, no, you absolute fool. Sasha speculates on why Andi would enjoy this book (because of the title and how both Meadow and Andi have … uh … something … in common) and tries and fails to give Lindsay a way out. Lindsay admits to not listening, occupied with her book, which she lovingly strokes while staring into the camera.

I think this says a lot about Lindsay herself, Andi’s personality (or rather, lack thereof), and most importantly, the content of this here book.

This review contains spoilers and discussions of potentially triggering topics.

The Writing

I don’t have much to say here. Zenith was far, far worse when you just compare the prose. It’s simple, bare-bones, and straight to the point. Perfectly mediocre and not memorable at all. It flows well enough, and if it weren’t for uuuh everything else in this book, I’d say it’s a quick and easy read.

It does get very melodramatic and edgy at times, but that is to be expected, and since the melodrama mostly avoids getting too purple or lasting too long, I will officially give Cummings the “I could read your book mostly without cringing at the words” award.

The story is told from Meadow and Zephyr’s POVs, and I’d have to disagree with other reviewers who said that their narration was too similar. I mean, it wasn’t spectacular and they definitely had some overlap in expressions, but I could tell that Cummings was making a conscious effort to make them distinct and for me, it worked (mostly past the first half of the book where both of them just mope around and sound very similar), so I commend that.

The Characters

Now, while Andi OH SHIT FUCK I DIDN’T MEAN TO DO THAT THAT WASN’T A BIT I LITERALLY JUST TYPED ANDI INSTEAD OF MEADOW

Now, while Meadow and Zephyr are distinct, that doesn’t really mean they’re good characters, yea? Honestly, they’re pretty much the only ones who get any type of development and the only ones who can, paradoxically, turn off their edge and just be normal people every now and then.

Meadow is supposedly this Strong Femail Charactor who does Bad Things for Good Reasons. And … I mean, yeah? Like, I don’t remember ever feeling like she obsessed over a man, and her motivations were always either keeping her little sister safe or surviving or figuring out the mystery around their society and how it ties into her own family. As far as YA heroines go, Meadow isn’t terrible. But she’s not exactly interesting, either. She’s always collected and rarely loses her cool, she displays few emotions outside of anger, and is generally cold and downplayed to the point of having barely any personality traits. I guess it’s sort of on purpose? But there are ways of making a character subtle and still interesting, and Meadow just feels like somebody packaged a Strong Femail Charactor right out of the factory without slapping some paint on her first. Idk, I guess if this is what Lindsay was going for then she did a good job, but personally I prefer my protags to be a bit more … more.

I will apologize to Meadow for calling her Andi, though. Andi is a lot more smug and obnoxious and has fewer reasons to be.

Zephyr is a harder to define because I’m pretty sure he’s intended to be more colorful than Meadow, but he comes off as even more generic than her. He’s a convincing enough teenage boy at times, because he lusts after Meadow like a puppy and thinks in super dramatic and poetic prose about how perfect and beautiful she is. But outside of that, he just sort of exists and the plot happens to him? He has no consistent personality traits and no flaws that he has control over. He’s partially brainwashed to murder on command and he’s like, sad about it, for a second, but accepts it pretty quickly and swears to help Meadow out for … reasons? Idk I guess he’s in love with her or whatever. The blurb implies he wants to keep her from discovering the truth but he pretty much helps her from the start.

He’s perfectly non-threatening — a boy next door type if next door was a war zone. Most of the time I wonder how many hands he needs to count all his braincells. One? Or mayhaps two? Whatever happens he just sort of rolls with after a chapter or two of angst and he ends up feeling like he’s a crutch for Meadow, a non-character there to fill the role of the snarky sidekick whose personal conflict is a minor subplot, which is admittedly fairly unusual in YA, but for a co-protagonist isn’t ideal, as one might imagine.

Koi is Meadow’s overprotective older brother who wants to beat up Zephyr for reasons and refuses to chill. And yes, that’s his name.

Periwinkle/Peri is Meadow’s younger sister and Meadow’s Moality Pet. And yes, that’s her name.

Meadow’s dad is an abusive asshole dad who is Too Hard On His Children but whose lessons Turn Out To Be Helpful in the end. No, it’s not his name but I can’t remember what it is and can’t be assed to look it up because he’s just Meadow’s dad. Oh and he likes torture? While Meadow acknowledges her dad is fucked up he’s still treated as this wise authority figure who gives good advice and is only a result of his environment. Society is evil, so that’s why he treats his children like shit and teaches them how to murder good. It’s to protect them, see?

Talan is Zephyr’s best friend and teenage sex worker who lost her child and now is vaguely suicidal but it’s supposed to be charming and quirky??? Talan is the only major character to die brutally for shock value and she seems to welcome it. Tbh she was the only interesting character in the whole book so I actually felt bad when she was killed off like that.

And then there’s a bunch of other characters but what’s the point of me telling you about them since they’re all generic as hell and only exist to spout exposition at Meadow and her boy toy.

There was another character I liked well enough, but only because she was the only PoC and her name was Sketch, which is a pretty neat name, but she didn’t have much of a personality except “snarky hardass” and was basically a Deluxe Edition of an existing “snarky hardass” character. She appears only in the late chapters of the book and is there to get brutalized for the sake of our two white protags. She didn’t die though, so there’s that?

The Plot

Alright, alright, I guess I have to write something.

I honestly have no fucking idea what the plot was. The blurb pretty much tells it all: Meadow meets Zephyr, they fall in love (?), Zephyr goes all Terminator on her ass and she’s like ??? and then uh … turns out Meadow’s family/dead mom are involved in the Murder Complex, which is the thing that’s making Zephyr and other random people kill others when remotely “activated” and so now they gotta find out what the heckity heck is going on, I guess?

It’s a clear enough plot but the motivations are a little weak, especially on Zephyr’s side. One would think he’d like to get rid of the whole “murder on command” thing in his brain but he seems to be able to fight it off easily once he meets Meadow and he’s more focused on helping her for reasons.

Yeah, I’m … I’ve already forgotten large chunks of the story so that should tell you something.

The “Worldbuilding”

O SHIT HERE COMES THE JUICY PART OF THE REVIEW.

*clears throat* Here we go:

The Shallows, Night Siren, the Initiative, Catalogue Number, Commandments of the Shallows, Creds, the Perimeter, the Silent Hour, Before, Rations Department, Pirates, the Dark Time, the Pulse, the Pin, the Red train, the Blue train, Wards, the Leeches, the Graveyard, the Survivors, Rations Hall, Initiative Headquarters, Wards of the State, the Gravers, NoteScreen, Evaluator, the Catalogue Dome, the Pit, Cred Orb, the Furnace Room, the Library, Sellout, the Hospital, the Believers …

Holy shit I don’t think I’ve gotten all of the Important Names yet and I’m already tired.

Y’all. This is the worst case of worldbuilding laziness I’ve seen in a while, and I’m someone who absolutely hates worldbuilding and will let authors get away with minimal effort. This? This is awful. And the thing is? I get it. I might’ve forgiven this because coming up with names is HARD and we humans usually go for the obvious anyway so this makes some amount of sense.

The problem is the fact that there are some words and concepts that are PERFECTLY REGULAR (i.e. the Hospital is literally just a fucking hospital) but still capitalized for no goddamn reason other than it being an attempt at sounding all sci-fi and dystopian without any actual effort. Everything blends together and the concepts are so generic and so MANY that it just becomes noise and you’re forced to simply roll with it and stop trying to actually imagine what anything looks like or where it’s located or how it works.

*takes deeep breath*

Speaking of how it works, let me tell you about the main premise. Basically, there was a war, a big war that tore the US apart like Lisa tears apart Johnny. Those who survived the war were infected with a plague, creatively named the Plague, that threatened to wipe out the population. One 20-year-old scientist cured the Plague, along with literally everything else, including death. Thanks to “nanites”, humans can no longer die of natural causes. This leads to overpopulation, and to stop this, the person who invented this all-cure comes up with another absolutely brilliant idea: let’s make MORE humans, but these humans have brains that are programmed to kill on command. Who gets murdered is chosen at random each and every night in a lottery, and survivors have to clean up dozens of new corpses every morning. (Meadow mentions the death rate is now 300 people per month.)

Yeah. I know. The same brilliant scientist who CURED DEATH not only fails to reverse the effects of their own invention, but decides that factory printing brainwashed humans who are then released into the world to also consume resources along with their victims is the best course of action?

Also, there are old people in this book. How are they still aging? How do you cure death but keep the aging? Why do you kill random people for shits and giggles instead of offing the semi-sentient sacks of flesh that the old people are bound to become as their bodies grow and decline but refuse to die? Surely you need young people to work in your factories? If resources are scarce, why keep old people alive past the point where they can contribute to society? If you have the technology to make remote controlled brains, why can’t you yank those bad boys out and just put them into robot bodies?

Why did nobody consider sterilization? I know this is a dangerous and sensitive topic that a white author probably shouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole, but if you’re ok with writing indiscriminate murder and pretend that shit wouldn’t become very racist very fast, then you could do the same with sterilization. You can’t tell me that the nanites are so good they could grow you a new uterus. Evidently they’re not good enough to heal bullet wounds or stab wounds or else your little “murder complex” wouldn’t fucking work, would it?

I’m not saying these are “better” options than murder lottery, because these are all terrible things, but I am saying that they’re definitely more logical and profitable if you’re an evil government. Compared to making new people from scratch to kill your already existing people, anyway.

There are also implications of this all being a lie to control the population so that the “Initiative” can remain in control, along with the usual shitty YA dystopia thing where it’s implied that Earth is fucked and we’re out of resources.

This whole thing is a mess of half-assed concepts that are never explored but just sort of jammed together into an incoherent mess. There’s a big war, there’s a big plague, there’s senseless murder, there’s an evil government, there’s child soldiers, there’s brainwashing, there’s a rebel Resistance, there’s climate change … There’s even an Aptitude Test or whatever that never comes back despite being very angsted and exposited about in the opening chapters. It’s like Lindsay read all the YA dystopias that came before and couldn’t pick a gimmick and just went for all of them.

Oh I haven’t even mentioned the funniest part of all this: the swearing. As with Zenith, Lindsay has no problem describing gory murder and calling female characters “sluts”, but actual human curse words like shit and fuck? Don’t be silly. This is CHILD AND PUBLISHER FRIENDLY. Shit is now “skitz”, “fuck” is now “flux”. Can you imagine reading this fluxing bullskitz? WE NEVER EVEN FIND OUT WHAT THESE WORDS MEAN OR WHY THEY WERE REPLACED, SINCE THIS TAKES PLACE RECENT ENOUGH THAT MEADOW REMEMBERS GOING TO BASEBALL GAMES.

Oh and there’s also ChumHead, which, you guessed it, is never explained.

I guess now we know who to blame for “fike” and “starshined”. Oh and there are swears related to the stars in this book as well. I think Lindsay needs to get off that SJM juice.

The Edgy

Allow me to feed quotes into your gaping brain mouths. Not a lot of them because most of my notes are just me going WHAT at the concepts and the names more than the phrasing.

Every night, I stay awake for as long as I can to keep my nightmares at bay.

Scars are trophies in the Shallows. They show we know how to cheat death.

In a paragraph before this one, Meadow mentions that nanites heal everything but leave scars behind for reasons, and it happens to everyone. So why would they be a status symbol?

It’s the moon. The moon that reminds me of the moonlit girl.

My moonlit girl. She’s the cure to my nightmares, the one thing that helps me feel safe when I can’t even trust my own dreams to harbor me.

Spoken like a real teenage boy, Zeph. Would you like some tissues with that spunk?

I hold the door open for [Talan], but she shrugs past me and opens the other one. Always independent. Never taking help from anyone.

Hi is this a Feminism?

I find two leather thigh sheathes and strap them to my legs. I slide two knives into them and stand, slinging the bow over my shoulder. […] Feeling angry. But feeling strong.

Convenient sexy makeover includes leather knife pockets and a cool but completely-impractical-due-to-the-existence-of-enemy-guns crossbow. I also want to mention that the book calls crossbow ammo “arrows”, when they’re usually referred to as bolts, but go off.

The Conclusion

The Murder Complex is a book that straddles the line between mediocre and bad. Its biggest flaw is how boring and shallow its ideas and characters are. Which basically means its biggest flaw is everything about it. I can’t say it was so bad it’s good, but I can’t exactly call it terrible because I’ve read far, far worse. It’s mediocre writing about bland characters angsting and murdering their way through a convoluted plot that’s based on worldbuilding as solid as half-eaten ham standwich found in a rainy alleyway. It’s not fun or entertaining to read and there’s nothing to get outrageously mad about.

In the end, I don’t think you should pick this up unless you’ve somehow read every other book in the world and this is the only one left. Don’t waste your time on this, not even as a joke. Don’t make my sacrifice be in vain.

[next-bex-bet]

IT STARTS WITH US

First of all, I’d like to give my condolences to Kim Jonghyun’s family, friends, SHINee and Shawols. I got into the Kpop scene last year and let me tell you I was very excited because, I was listening to something so different and amazing. Nothing really compared to what I listen to here in America. I have been in the ARMY family since the Blood,Sweat and Tears era and although I am not a die hard fan, I did not come here to be a hardcore fan. I came here to enjoy the music that is being produced by 7 hardworking men, who would do anything to accomplish their goals and they are definitely doing that. Not only them but many others in this industry and nothing makes me more proud.

But then, as I got more into this industry, I started to notice the dark side of Kpop. From “fans” calling their idols fat or “can’t sing” or even coming at other groups because their fave didn’t get the award “that they so much deserved “ to learning about what idols actually have to go through to get to where they are now. Learning that they weren’t allowed to see families for an extended period of time, some having to starve themselves and work themselves extremely hard because all they wanted to do was fulfill their dreams, learning that they had to go through starvation and other grueling phases just because the companies wanted to make profit off them. South Korea is going through something big, especially now with the amount of suicides that occur, it is a known fact that South Korea itself has the highest suicide rate in the world, THE WORLD. It should not be like that at all and I would just like to say

IT TAKE US ALL

We all need to come together no matter who you are, no matter what family you are in, we need to come together to support each and everyone of these artists because you have to remember that they are people themselves, they have feelings like we do, they react just like we do, they ACT just like we do, yes they are perfect in your eyes but they are also human. I am really sad and pissed that it had to take someone committing suicide for us to finally see this but we as the fans have to take some sort of action.

When you see something happening to someone even if they are not in you family PLEASE STAND UP AND SAY SOMETHING. Not only to the idols but to other people in the families too. If you ever meet the idols or even someone that is part of your family ask them how their day was, treat them like they are long time friends, treat them like you would treat someone you love, make them know that you are there no matter what, that they don’t need to be scared to share their opinions about anything and if they do need to share, even if you don’t agree. Don’t do that boycotting shit, don’t do that “omg i dont respect you now because you said something that i do not think is right” state why you don’t agree not in a rude manner, but in a civilized “this is why i do not agree”. Write a letter to them even if it’s just a letter to say hello how was your day, doesn’t have to be the generic I love you fan letter. Just you sending something like that could make their day. You sending something like that could be the one thing that saves a life. There are going to be the little haters, the little anti-CAN WE PLEASE GET RID OF THAT WORD. But we need to be there to not only protect but reassure them that they are normal, they are fine and they can have whatever opinions they want.

WE ALSO NEED TO FIGHT THESE COMPANIES BECAUSE HAVING TO GO THROUGH GALL THAT BULLSHIT NOPE. NOPE I DONT FUCKS WITH THAT. These music artists work very hard to entertain us, to give us fans what WE want. So I am definitely not going to shut up about this issue. Now These idols are bound by contract, if they try to retaliate, they could have bad repercussions but we the fans we need to do something. WE can change things not only for them but for future acts too. WE can’t just let this slide. We can’t just let this go.

Depression is an extremely sad thing to go through, as a person who as known people who went through it, it is one of the worst times you could ever go through, the negative feelings and thoughts never leaving you, the amount of pressure people put on you to get better, thinking that you are overreacting but you know you are definitely not. When you see anything like this please be patient, please be kind, and please be smart about the way you deal with The situation because helping someone goes a long way and you never know until the future, they could return the favor. (hopefully this doesn’t happen to you ever). Also watch out for signs, when someone is about to!do something drastic, they almost always leave signs. It could be a instant change in mood, little notes, people reminiscing about certain times in their life or in our day and age.. a insta post. Just knowing these signs could do a lot to help someone.

I know this was a lot to read but thanks for reading and thanks for sharing. We can do our best to change the lives of the people around us please do not over look this at all. It’s time things change.

IT STARTS WITH US

[justahalfling]

Vaishu finally watches... Baahubali 2: The Conclusion

Yes its liveblogging time again! Here goes...

HOLY SHIT THOSE 3D MODELS ARE AMAZING. 

I feel bad for that elephant (i know its CGI but like). bruh that elephant just wants out of the land of crazy humans

oh great Baahu never a moment of not looking good huh... he could do with some depth in his character, but its only the first few min of the movie so I’ll withhold judgment for now

wow Mommy’s boy™

ewwwww bijjaladeva is so gross in the head wtf killing your own wife dude go get therapy for chrissakes

lmao Kattapa fucking rekt yall!!! Someone call the ambulance woo eee woo eee woo eee (sound of an ambulance, if you couldnt tell)

i have to say... rana has a really nice butt ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I LOVE DEVASENA ALREADY

but seriously, need to get me a girl like that

oooh someones has a crush (its me. also baahu)

robust appearance.... lmao

yea GO GURL UPGRADE YO SKILLS

okay the wild boar scene is funny and all but like... why cant the lady win for once why does the guy always have to one up her

i love how much of a loser kumara varma is, he is highly #relatable

boi did you literally get hit by a bull to keep your identity secret so that you can tease her properly. literally what.... straight people are so weird

how is devasena a literal goddess in every scene. how. ((pls be my wife))

i really like this song and i vibe HEAVILY with the aesthetic here. i love the clothes give the costume department an award already

look at bhalla’s content at the whole scheme why do you have to be like this dude. #beadecentdude2k17

look here Sivagami i love you and i would literally die for you but promising a girl’s hand in marriage without her consent is not cool bruh. dont be an accomplice in the crimes of patriarchy and sell out your fellow women like this.

LITERALLY HOW CAN DEVASENA BE SO AMAZING. YOU TELL IT LIKE IT IS, GIRL . CRUSH THE PATRIARCHY. MAKE YOUR OWN CHOICES AND EMPOWER YOURSELF

she is literally the “I will not hesitate, bitch.” kinda gal

wow sudden hero kumara varma good for you mah dude

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD THATS THE MOVIE POSTER POSE RIGHT THERE. MY WARRIOR BABIES THEY ARE SO GOOD TOGETHER

wow them cows though... (better watch out for the BJP lmao dont kill me for that joke)

my boi... he was wearing armor underneath... how XTRA ™ can you get

I love devasena so much my homegirl. MY BAE. even if she likes the guy she is not going to submit to the patriarchy. you go girl

that is a lovely... boat... the VISUALS IN THIS MOVIE ARE SO GORGEOUS MY EYES ARE SO BLESSED RN

wow they have such great chemistry. its better than avanthika and baahu jr’s chemistry 

i love how she kisses first. yes girl make the first move!!! go get yo man! 

wow that flag breaking is very... omimouse (not a typo thats just the word ominous in vaishu language)

but seriously is that supposed to mean something? im too dense to get it. is it that she has to break off her loyalty to kuntala now

Devasena is just like “you see this right here bitches? this is a no bullshit zone. no bullshit allowed yo”

“agangaram as alangaram” amazing line 10/10

but like that isnt even temerity. its literally standing up for her rights though

OOOOHHHHH SHITTTTT

dont people write the names of the potential groom? why are you people like this

oh wow the coronation scene is amazing. all the military stuff is cool. and the symbolism of the cheers making stuff come crashing down. good job rajamouli you played this well

what do you mean you’re just a slave. bro if you had to act as wingman you best believe youre family now. stop with that hierarchy bullshit its so uncomfortable for me to see

MOM NO *cries forever*

I LOVE THE KUMARA VARMA AND BAAHU BROMANCE SO MUCH. GIVE. ME. MOAR.

wow when bhalla was like “a pregnant woman doesnt want riches or possessions... she only wants her husband’s embrace” my gutter brain almost thought he was going to give them a bed or some fertility thing like a creep. but that thing he said already made my creep radar go crazy

you’re literally the worst my dude the worst

deva is such a firecracker holy shit i LOVE HER 

ewww that is so gross. dude i will break your hand. i will break it and set it on fire. i am not joking. 

well you did my job deva so anyways.... ufos more like identified flying fingers amirite... heh heh

but didnt ancient india invent plastic surgery anyways i dont see whats the huge deal here

i cant believe im saying this but devasena would make a much better ruler than sivagami. in fact i personally think she would even be better than baahu. girl’s got her priorities right 

its interesting how baahu has a moon pottu and bhalla has a sun pottu. one would think the positions would have been reversed. maybe they wanted to show that baahu was more nurturing and stuff. but like. its sunlight that grows plants? anyways.

NOICE. COOL COOL COOL COOL COOL NO DOUBT NO DOUBT NO DOUBT NO DOUBT. 

THERE GOES THE HEAD.

wow no you got it all wrong. “scorned the laws”? dont you know the highest form of patriotism and responsible citizenry is criticism!! what the literal fuck, why are you like this. i loved you so much why would you do this

wow baahu busting out some engineering skills right there. why is this the first time im seeing this. most of the times hes like a big fuck you to physics. but like engineering ex machina i suppose

man hes so tall he has to bend down so the lady can pat his head LMAO idk this is adorable. this reminds me of the time i was scrolling though the baahubali tag and someone called the beefcake that is prabhas a “smol bean”. wtf tumblr

omg bhalla let a guy live. so not cool mah dude

baahu has such a magnificent mane. he has better hair than me what the hell

bhalla is so fucking rude... how can you choke your actual dad... granted he’s the reason why youre like this

wow and treating a disable person like that... why are you literally so vile

why is he suddenly turning on his son... THIS IS HIGHLY SUSPECT

OH MY GOD I KNEW IT. SEE. I WOULDNT HAVE FALLEN FOR THAT. DUDE WHYYYYY

oh my god this is such a tire fire what the heck

man i would have said yes and just run far far away if i was kattapa

its so sad to watch this when you know its all going to end horribly

oh my god “as long as you’re by my side no man has been born yet to kill me” well this line killed me so

cant you follow your moral code instead! is your allegiance to the throne so important! an innocent man cant go through punishment like this its wrong

oh my god this is so sad

also uhm i just realised that baahu has wonder woman bracelets

that was the most dramatic death scene ive ever watched. it gave me the chills.

WOAH bhalla is SO messed up in the head good god

look this is all well and good but you should really wash and disinfect your hands before touching babies... as i always like to say, common sense is not so common

aw baby promise that is so cute

omg he called him grandpa that is so adorable

omg devasena i love you so much 

okay but dont forget your adopted parents too

they dont have weapons! they cant succeed by their will alone! what i would do is create like an elite task force and infiltrate the place. boi you need some strategy. a map of the citadel at least

holy shit devasena is not to be messed with my lady literally carrying a dude’s head

that is so fucked up man the people behind this movie went so hard. they didnt have to but they went so hard

wow that was smurt

okay where is avanthika though dont tell me she stayed home

DEVA NO. WIELD YOUR SWORD BABY COME ON YOU’RE STILL STRONG

that is so.... creative...

HE JUST DID THE WONDER WOMAN SHIELD BOOSTED JUMP

omg i love the grandpa and grandson duo SO CUTE when he calls him “thatha” man grandparents are wonderful my thatha is so excited for me to get a job and i havent even entered uni yet (okay side tracking here)

AVANTHIKA YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

is his own classic tyrant statue gonna kill him cause i think it will. im calling it now everyone. poetic justice okay

aw her future daughter in law protecting her 

oh yea the statue didnt kill him sadly

shes stepping on his face omg the symbolism

ripping out his heart omg how grosser can you get

omg is that... a blood abhishekam.... i have no words..

YAASS GAUNTLETS (but seriously... wonder woman)

Avanthika looks gorgeous and aw its his Ma 

thats... baahu thats water pollution you cant do that

wow poetic justice huh

that was... amazing wow

[inspobyphae]

100 questions

PART 1: THE BASICS

What is your full name? “phaedra chiara cattaneo.”

Where and when were you born? “i was born on the amalfi coast july 16th, 1995.”

Who are/were your parents? "my dad, agostino cattaneo, is a shipping heir from italy and my mom, sophia lamond cattaneo, is an artist, specifically a painter! she kept her other last name as her middle name because she had a name before she met my father. they’re wonderful, oh god! i could go on for an entire hour about the both of them. they met in santorini around new years eve back in like 1993. it was one of those whirlwind loves, you know? they met and it was like fireworks were going off from every angle of the earth. they fell madly in love and got married on new years eve 1994 going into 1995, no one knew my mom was already pregnant with me but she was! my grandparents on my dad’s side were super pissed mostly because they’re traditional old italians whereas my mother was a pretty, young girl from australia who fell in love with a man like, 15 years her senior...they quickly got over it, though. my mom did everything to make them happy! she learned italian, she married him before having me! ugh, i’m going to text them now.” 

Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like? “i have one half-sibling from my dad’s first marriage when he was just 18. we’re sort of close, but i rarely see him! he’s an investment banker, totally opposite of what i do! he never misses an opening show of my tour, though. what a sweetie.” 

Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people. “i live in beverly hills with my three dogs and my best friend actually moved in when everything happened a year and a half ago. my dogs are john jeanes but jj for short in honor of...well, you know! then i have severus & minerva from harry potter, but i call them sevy and mini! my house is super earthy on the outside, it has vines growing up for an aesthetic look and privacy. the inside is more modern.” 

What is your occupation? “i’m a singer!” 

Write a full physical description of yourself. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks. “so, i’m a tiny gal! i’m only five feet tall, it’s quite rude to ask about weight, though don't you think? silly! my natural hair is brown and my eyes are hazel. i’m italian and australian, thanks to my lovely parents! my style? it’s all over the place, but i love comfy clothes that are bigger when i’m not on stage cause i kind of look like a bad bitch on stage or for photoshoots. i also wear a lot of jj’s clothes that i have because they make me feel good and happy. i kind of just wear whatever i feel like wearing. i do love a cute dress, too! i have a ton of tattoos?! i recently got a butterfly on my arm. i’ve got honeymoon on my finger after my song! i’ve got a bunch of random finger tattoos, a movie character on my arm, stars and moon on my hand, and also baby on my arm.”

To which social class do you belong? “definitely the upper class, by birth and by my own career.” 

Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses? “i honestly, don't? unless you count depression as a disease because i see it that way. i’m doing my best to work through that, though.”

Are you right- or left-handed? “right handed!”

What does your voice sound like? “this is my speaking voice and y’all obviously know my singing voice!”

What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently? “i say whatever a lot, next, okay, baby, all of those! i also say blessed at least twice a day.”

What do you have in your pockets? “i have some chapstick in my left pocket and $20 in my right.” 

Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics? “i squint my eyes a lot because i should wear glasses, haha.”

PART 2: GROWING UP

How would you describe your childhood in general? “amazing, wonderful, blessed.”

What is your earliest memory? “my earliest memory is running around on the coast when i was like three with my neighbor boyfriend who totally wasn't my real boyfriend but i loved him.” 

How much schooling have you had? “i graduated high school.”

Did you enjoy school? “i did, honestly. some classes more than others. i was trash at mathematics, always. thrived at history and languages, though.”

Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities? “through trial and error but also from my mother.” 

While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them. “my mother!”

While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family?

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? “i wanted to be whatever i could be! it ranged from a ballerina to going to the olympics to a princess.”

As a child, what were your favorite activities? “i loved to dance, run around outdoors, explore new places.”

As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display? “i was very impatient which has changed now! i also loved to say no, my mom joked that was my first word.”

As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like? “i was rather loved as a child, thank god. i had three close friends, one was my cousin adelaide! we’re still extremely fucking close to this day. the other was kate drummond who lives with me now and then tyson warby aka ty! we’re all extremely close still, not a day goes by we don't talk.”

When and with whom was your first kiss? “my first kiss was greg parsons on the school yard in middle school. so embarrassing, but it was a dare! i never turn down a dare!”

Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity? “i’m not a virgin. i lost it to my friend boyfriend who was a legendary rockstar’s son! his name is blue, y’all surely know him. i love him still, but not in that same way. he’s always the first one to check on me throughout my day.” 

PART 3: PAST INFLUENCES

What do you consider the most important event of your life so far? “probably meeting jj.”

Who has had the most influence on you? “my mother, jj, and myself.”

What do you consider your greatest achievement? “winning a grammy!”

What is your greatest regret? “my biggest regret is going to paris in august 2018.”

What is the most evil thing you have ever done? “the most evil thing i’ve done was in high school and there was a girl who did not get along with me and i completely embarrassed her by having her kicked out of a party. she wasn't even doing anything, we just had beef.”

Do you have a criminal record of any kind? “nope!”

When was the time you were the most frightened? “when jj died.”

What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you? “i fall down on stage often, honestly.” 

If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why? “i’d change going to paris. i don't think you really need to know why because that’s rather fucking obvious.”

What is your best memory? “there was one night after the academy awards that jj and i were a bit drunk at home and this beautiful song came on over the speakers. it was an alt-j song! we were up on the rooftop and he just took my hand and started to slow dance with me. i remember laying my head into his chest and crying, i wasn't sure why i was crying but i was and he was so tender with me.”

What is your worst memory? “i don't want to answer this.”

PART 4: BELIEFS & OPINIONS

Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic? “i try to be the most optimistic i can be.”

What is your greatest fear? “i have faced that, it was losing a loved one.”

What are your religious views? “there’s a higher power, but i do not believe that it is a man in the sky. i don't shame anyone for believing what they do, though. it’s everyone’s world to build themselves and so it’s fine if you think what you think.”

What are your political views? “next.”

What are your views on sex? “it’s beautiful and essential.” 

Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable? “i think i would only be able to if it were in self-defense.”

In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do? “purposely break someones heart! that’s pure evil energy.”

Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love? “yes, absofuckinglutely yes!”

What do you believe makes a successful life? “being dedicated and loving whatever it is you're trying to be successful at.”

How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)? “completely honest. i try not to let the public know too much because i like to keep my life a bit private, but i’m generally honest when asked about things.” 

Do you have any biases or prejudices? “i am biased towards my family because they are the best.”

Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it? “pose nude, i know that i could do it but i do not want the backlash.”

Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)? “i’d probably die to let jj come back, that’s weird isn't it?”

PART 5: RELATIONSHIPS W/OTHERS

In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how? “i’m a sweet little baby and i know it. i think that life is so fragile and you absolutely never understand what others are going through to be the way that they are, so why waste energy being a bitch? don’t get me wrong, i will stand my ground given that i need to, but in general until i am tested i am polite and sweet.”

Who is the most important person in your life, and why? “i would say my dogs because they’re literally my emotional support! my mother and father as well, as my close friend group.”

Who is the person you respect the most, and why? “i respect me the most because i have been through the ringer and deserve the best life i can have.” 

Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened. “i have been in love multiple times. each love is grand and very different, though i have not felt love since jj’s ascension to heaven or the after life. i haven't allowed myself to feel that way, though. i know i am keeping myself in a box over that, it’s confining and keeping me from my full life but i am not ready yet.”

What do you look for in a potential lover? “someone tender and who can love all of me, my past included. i need someone who understands i will always feel deeply for jj and all things in my life and someone who can deal with my emotions.” 

How close are you to your family? “very!”

Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not? “i have not, aside from my dogs. i will eventually love to have children, but not right now i have so much more to do before that.”

Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help? “my mother.”

Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why? “i do! anyone in my close circle because they have been there for me to protect me before.” 

If you died or went missing, who would miss you? “i think that anyone in my life would miss me? i’d love to think that anyways.” 

Who is the person you despise the most, and why? “i’m not really sure? maybe the president.” 

Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict? “i tend to avoid it unless it’s something i truly stand up for and believe it and then i will fight for it.”

Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations? “ definitely! i think that’s a good quality to have.” 

Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not? “i have a love/hate relationship with that? i get anxiety sometimes now but i try to do my best with it. sometimes i’ve got to smoke before dealing with large crowds.” 

Do you care what others think of you? “not really, honestly. it’s my life and not theirs, so what is it to them? nothing.”

PART 6: LIKES & DISLIKES

What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes? “i like to swim, explore new places, go on hikes! i’ve learned to love cooking, too! it’s something i’ve picked up only in the last like six months or so. i surprisingly like to camp, too. most people don't know that, but it’s nice because paps don't find you in the middle of the desert or the forest! i enjoy going to live music shows or festivals.” 

What is your most treasured possession? “i’d say jj’s favorite hoodie!”

What is your favorite color? “i like soft purple.”

What is your favorite food? “avocados! i think i could turn into one with how much i eat them.” 

What, if anything, do you like to read? “i like to read fiction novels as well as historical books.”

What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)? “everything!!! i love art in any and every form.” 

Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit? “i do smoke and i do drink. i have used drugs in the past, but not often especially after jj’s death.” 

How do you spend a typical Saturday night? “on my couch with my dogs or in my backyard drinking.”

What makes you laugh? “i love to laugh, i try to laugh at most everything at hand because there is humor in everything.”

What, if anything, shocks or offends you? “racism! i cannot believe it still exists. it’s disgusting.” 

What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself?

How do you deal with stress?

Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan?

What are your pet peeves?

PART 7: SELF IMAGES & OTHER

Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted?

What is your greatest strength as a person?

What is your greatest weakness?

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Are you generally introverted or extroverted?

Are you generally organized or messy?

Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at.

Do you like yourself?

What are your reasons for being an adventurer (or doing the strange and heroic things that RPG characters do)? Are your real reasons for doing this different than the ones you tell people in public? (If so, detail both sets of reasons…)

What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime?

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

If you could choose, how would you want to die?

If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left.

What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death?

What three words best describe your personality?

What three words would others probably use to describe you?

If you could, what advice would you, the player, give to your character? (You might even want to speak as if he or she were sitting right here in front of you, and use proper tone so he or she might heed your advice…)

[elmozzosays]

May 13 2020 “The Good, the Bad and what else?”

I think I should title every post I write on this journal, don’t you think? Well, I know you are a smart human being and based on the subject written on my last 2, you can come up with a main title -although I did throw some main ideas around them- those will be develop into full stories later on. I will start today.

This one will be about the strange comparison between a good day and a bad day. We all have those every day, some of you with better luck than others. As I am typing these on my laptop, before I start my work shift -I work in the coffee industry as a “barista”- already eaten a great bacon/egg/cheese on a bagel (the coffee will come a bit later) and having the total blessing of waking up every day with every part of me still intact, a roof to stay for the night an a meal after I get out of work. This, must be considered a part of the good day. Well, when I think about it, a blessing, really. Let me start with the bad first. On every conversation you hear something like: “I have some good and bad news”, they always want to hear the bad first. Even me. Why? you are asking yourself. We have this tendency to hear the bad bulk of things so we can brush it off before we hear the so anticipated good news. I happens to at least 98% of us. I wonder why, Is there a psychological explanation to this? I have never come around it nor bother to ask someone why. My best friend -will keep her anonymous- she will answer me like this “I know right?” I get a laugh at that, but really. To he honest here, Why do we always expect to head bad news?

It could start very early for some as the media -on any form- is filled with that. From the paper we buy at the bodega (or if you are millennial reading this, from your smart phone device. Some of you youngsters don’t know how a newspaper look like! haha, just kidding) but I bet you this: you can’t tell me what sections can be found there. Aha! Now you can because you googled that. You cheated. Congratulations.... Alright, carried away again. tends to happen so bare with me. Where was I? Oh, the paper some of you buy to read on the subway or bus, to the news displaying on the tele. I have to admit something here: I could care less on a regular basis, but after 9/11, War on Iraq and Afghanistan, and now this world pandemic called COVID-19, I keep up with it. Now on my mid 30′s, things like that become somewhat important. Don’t be mistaken here: I don’t sit around watching the news all day, just when the 5′o clock and 11o’clock news start, when the meat of the matter is. Some say things change over time as you grow and now I believe it. I do really hope that my taste in heavy music don’t change as I grow older. That’ll be tragic since my principles of a punk rocker are still intact to this day. Like Phil Anselmo will sing on “Walk”: NO WAY PUNK!

More on the bad: an unexpected announcement. This can be branched out on so many layers to interpret this but we’ll cover the basics. Dead of a family member, very good friend, a pet -yes, I consider pets a essential family members- being fired (won’t apply if you hated that job). Ah, being fired from a job you at least liked, just like that. No warnings, no ultimatums, not even reviewing what you did good to at least earned you a second fucking chance. Happened to me once, and let me tell you: the feeling is not the greatest as it will appear in the next second what are you gonna do. Sure, you will tell me get another one, but that’s not the case. That story will be shared in its detail form some other time. Now I can have a laugh about that, really. Water under the bridge.

Death is always a sign of bad news. Even hearing about it, because, at a giving point, It can happen to you. It comes unannounced, without a warning or a notice. Death is part of our lives too but to be sincere, no one wants to die. See, how do you start your day when you have been given that kind of information? how do you swallow that and pretend to be okay? I have another one here, When coming home after a lovely 1 day trip, someone (or many) people brake into your house. It fucking happened and it was the most scary thing I have ever encountered thus far, it’s like being raped, really. Strangers invaded your house, stole your things but the most important, stole your piece of mind. I don’t wish this to my worst enemy. To my surprise, it took me a little while to find my peace of mind but to come back to work the next day and pretend nothing happened, I should have gotten an Academy Award for that.

I’m almost done, will get to the good in a second. How about just a random bad day? you know, when everything you try doesn’t seem to work. Nothing goes your way, even if you want to. Nothing. One of those days you wish to stay in bed all day and flip the page. This is when your mind plays a major roll. It’s called the law of attraction or something. Yes, i read The Secret and it works but you have to put your mind on it. It’s like a repetition, the more you wish it, it will happen. You can reverse things around you, if you really want. Apply it and thank me later. Alright, to the good stuff!

Everyone and I mean everyone likes hearing good news. It’s a natural thing, right? We all deserve that every single day. From payday -if a bonus is included, even better- vacations -gotta love those!-, enjoying a beautiful summer day, having a great cup of coffee, having a pint with really good company at your favourite pub (or bar or whatever you want to cal it), a lovely good morning text from your significant other, spending the night with that person, enjoying a well deserved day off, hanging out with your friends you haven't seen in a while, so on and so forth. You get the idea. The main word GOOD brings a lot to the table. Good day, good news, good night, everything involving good is in fact, good. The question is: Do we deserve it?

Get this around your head for a second: What do you deserve? good or bad? Do you want me to lie or do you want me to be honest? You get what you deserve BUT by being a saint doesn’t mean you will end up to heaven and by being a devil won’t sentence you to hell -I still don’t know if those places exist- It’s all located here on Earth. We all have both of those: devil and saint. If you can get around them and form your own version, you’ll be okay. Be mindful though, when using those. As for me, I can tell you this: You deserve the best of this life can offer you. Really, no joking around nor sounding sarcastic. You deserve the best, but to get that, a few bumps on the road are needed, Those will teach you the lessons you need to endure in order to get to the “Best”. Nothing comes easy and if so, It will be boring. Few have that luck, enjoy it while you can but when strange times come, they feel stranded with both hands on their pockets wondering what to do. All in all, be and do the best you can. The right moment and time will come when you are ready. The bad needs to be faced and the good to be cherished. Til next post,

_jaime

[deadcactuswalking]

‘ZEZE’, The Perfect Trap-Rap Trainwreck. [REVIEW]

2018 has been a pretty odd year for popular music. I mean, it’s been pretty impressive too, tons of records are being broken right now, in fact, the song we’re going to talk about today has broken one of those records (although easily one of the least important ones). I’ll talk more about 2018 as a year overall when I make my best and worst lists (which, no, this song won’t be on either despite who made it), but let’s just focus on this one song, and how perfect it is – despite being freakin’ awful, generic and borderline unlistenable. Let me elaborate.

SONG REVIEW: “ZEZE” – Kodak Black, Travis Scott & Offset – Produced by D.A. Doman

What record did this break, do you ask? Well, with the advent of SoundCloud rap, mumble-rap and emo-rap becoming the new wave, some stranger music has crept onto the charts, whether it be because of its sound or background and/or origin story. Memes have gotten music popular for ages but a 90s Latin reggaeton/house track by the “Chacarron Macarron” guy which translates to “Give me your little thing” becoming a top 40 hit is relatively unheard of – this is especially weird because the remix with Pitbull was released way after the song blew up and then fizzled out. I know Pitbull was always on his way out and he’s basically now a living meme anyway but it’s still a shock to see stars I knew so well fade away like this – oh, yeah, and how does celebrity status and star-power matter even more than it ever has been and none at all at the same time? We’re about to get a Mia Khalifa diss track released in February by two teenagers after a fake tweet was posted by some Instagram page on the charts simply because of the power of some girl in cosplay lip-synching to the second (and more meme-able) verse on TikTok.

Hit or miss - I guess they never miss, huh? – Smoke Hijabi, iLOVEFRiDAY’s “Mia Khalifa Diss”

Yet we still can’t get rid of that pesky Drake rascal, hell, he nearly hit #1 again, this time entirely uncredited!

I did half a Xan, 13 hours ‘til I land / Had me out like a light, ayy, yeah – Drake, Travis Scott’s “SICKO MODE”

Last year we had the shortest song to reach the top 5 since the early 1960s, with “Gucci Gang” by Lil Pump, peaking at #3 despite a puny runtime of a mere 2 minutes and 4 seconds. Today, we’re talking about a song that peaked just one slot higher, and became the highest-charting song EVER on the Hot 100 that starts with the letter “z”. Yes, it’s an odd, unimportant and pointless milestone but it’s something nonetheless. Oh, but that’s far from the most interesting part of this song. Let’s talk about the production first, mostly because any time I can stall before talking about Kodak Black should be savoured greatly. It was produced by D.A. Doman, most known nowadays for that “Taste” song by Tyga, in fact, Tyga even remixed “ZEZE” because the beats were so similar, and there’s only one beat Tyga ever does all that well on – and it’s tropical synth-lead trap. The bass on “Taste” was mixed well, though. I feel like there’s too little here and it could do with some pumping up, although it does give the steel pans a very airy feel, to be fair, and those little tiny details like that funky synth that just kind of appears briefly as a speck in Kodak’s refrain are just really top-notch, and that catchy and clean vocal sample playing throughout the song pushes this beat into truly great territory. Hell, the beat was so good that it made the song a meme months before its release, where people added a caption to Kodak and Travis dancing very... interestingly to the song. There was also a teaser where it was just 40 seconds of the beat building up with people saying “f**k ‘em up, Kodak” in the background, and someone was dancing there too. I don’t know, all I know is that this beat is fantastic and... everyone’s gonna mess this up, aren’t they?

Well, Travis doesn’t, really, he’s just odd. After like 5 seconds of the beat without any percussion or bass, just the steel pans and basically no build-up excluding Doman’s producer tag, the catchy “D.A got that dope!” phrase, it goes straight into the beat, bass and all, as well as Travis’ vocals which have like twenty layers each of some gross autotune and reverb effects. Seriously, it’s slathered to hell and back with vocal manipulation and it’s really unpleasant, especially when it’s drowned in all these ad-libs. Let’s focus on the lyrics of Travis’ hook, though, because they’re really cute. It plays out as, to say it bluntly, “Baby’s First Rap Chorus”. All the clichés are there, but in their purest form.

Ice water, turned Atlantic (freeze!) / Nightcrawlin’ in the Phantom (skrrt, skrrt) / Told them hoes that don’t you panic

His wrist is froze because of his diamonds. He has a black luxury car, he’s lazily referencing his other, much better songs, and he has to add in those essential “skrrt, skrrt” ad-libs. Oh, well, at least there are attempts at being unique here, with the last line, especially since we can assume they’re in water here, so Travis desperately reassures the countless amount of women he is having sex with, “Don’t worry, it’s a Phantom! We’re not going to drown to our deaths!” And then he goes, “screw it”, and starts actually adjusting the Phantom so they have more space, thus his “hoes” do not die, depriving him of pleasure and satisfaction.

Dropped the roof, more expansion / Drive a coupe you can stand in (IT’S LIT!)

You know what, that’s a good idea, but, yeah, I’m kidding, it’s not that deep – it’s just that he’s driving fast. Of course it isn’t anything all too conceptual.

Took an island (yeah), flood the mansion (big water!)

Sorry, what was that last part?

(Big water!)

Big water? I mean, I know the line is about how he took a lot of producers and rappers to his ASTROWORLD sessions on a Hawaiian island or something, but is “big water” seriously something people say? It just seems so dumb and kind of childish. In fact, while we’re on the subject...

B****es undercover (in the sheets!) / I’m an a** and tiddy lover (big a**) / Guess we all made for each other

Rappers never really brag about taking time to appreciate the woman’s body whilst “in the sheets” but you know what, sure, I’ll take that, but the second line just potentially demonstrates the naivety of this chorus, like, it’s just pure rap cliché but in such a way that makes it seem like Travis is a robot that has been analysing rap lyrics and programming a very blunt and obvious bar that exemplifies that. Oh, and the last part is just a dumb filler rhyme, although it’s kind of funny to think about how it must be up to destiny that Travis’ girl has a big butt and he likes big butts.

Now that all the dawgs free (yeah, yeah) / And we out in these streets (alright) / Can you do it, can you pop it for me?

The robot theory is developed even further when we notice these two statements are entirely unrelated. My friends are free from prison, but we’re still in the streets, therefore, pop that kitty for me, girl. This is how the chorus ends too, it’s so anti-climactic, although I do want to point out that Offset more than makes up for Travis’ strange twisting of lyrical cliché, as his verse is pretty fantastic. The flow is great throughout, with some nice switches that keep the surprisingly long verse still feeling fresh and short by the end.

She an addict (addict)

Please don’t rhyme it with—

Addict for the lifestyle and the Patek (Patek), big daddy

Son of a—

Anyways, there are plenty of relatively memorable lines here that end up being pretty quotable, such as... UK football references?

In the middle of the field like David Beckham (field, bow-bow!!)

Oh, and they kind of explain what “ZEZE” means – it means “zombie”, a slang term for, of course, lean... because it’s 2018.

Pop pills, do what you feel, I’m on that zombie (hey, hoo!) / I’m more like Gaddafi, I’m not no Gandhi (Gaddafi, hey)

Oh, um, some of these lines come off as kind of rapey though, which is not the greatest tone to go for when you have a song with Kodak Black, to say the least.

I go in her mouth, she can’t tell me nothin’ (ugh, ugh, ugh)

Oh, and I guess it’s finally time to talk about the alleged rapist elephant in the room.

On my Kodak, woo, Black, ooh, know that – Childish Gambino, “This is America”

I’m not going to bring up his allegations anymore because frankly they’re completely irrelevant to his performance here, and all he actually adds to this review is proof for my conclusion: this song has so much good qualities, but they paint them in the grossest green colour possible. Each one of these guys just ruin the gifts they’re provided with. In fact, the beat changes for Kodak so he doesn’t sound as offbeat as usual, and, of course, it doesn’t work at all, he still sounds pretty terrible as always, but still, D.A. Doman switches up the beat slightly (which was near perfect as it was) to accommodate for the talentless and directionless ramblings of Mr. Kodak Black.

Pull up in a Demon, on God (on God) / Looking like I still do fraud (fraud) / Flyin’ private jet with the rod (rod) / This that Z-s**t, this that Z-s**t (this that Z-s**t)

Kodak is so unlikeable here. He sounds like he was on a news interview, with a noticeable Southern drawl, that went viral enough in 2011 to get an autotuned Songify This remix. Honestly, it sounds that painful of a vocal, and without the Gregory Brothers’ pretty great production and knack for melody, this is just a strain on both Kodak’s voice and my ear-drums.

I got the fire on me in BET Awards

I’m less surprised that you have a gun rather just that you’re allowed in the BET Awards.

In a Hellcat cos I’m a hell-raiser

Man, this song is robotically programmed, I swear! There’s no attempt at portraying any unique lyrical characteristics, personality or even a single attempt at interesting wordplay, rather we get a catchier version of Kodak’s typical topics, just in an even more boring flow this time, and delivered like he’s on pain medication... which is probably what they’re going for here. What a waste of a fantastic, beautifully-produced instrumental, one of the most diverse and unique trap-rappers out there in the form of Travis Scott, who is relegated to his awfully-written hook duty, and what a waste of that amazing Offset verse. Seriously, Offset, kick Kodak off, switch him for another awful human being, Tyga, and save this song (including Travis’ admittedly fun, albeit silly, hook) for your upcoming solo album. I can’t let Kodak Black own this song, it’s too good for him in concept. What a perfect trainwreck. Everything is given to them completely prepared and in good condition, and then they just trash it. This song is when you get something valuable or useful for a damn good price and your dog eats it within five minutes of you opening it.

Hit that Z-walk, Dickies with my Reeboks

Oh, come on, Kodak, I know I don’t like your song but you didn’t have to give me Vietnam flashbacks of Lil Dicky. That’s just not cool. See ya on Thursday, everyone. Peace.