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#would be making more money on that than i have for the 2 years ive been working here
nomairuins · 23 days
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anyways sry its not srs eventually ill get it together . and be a person again. one day
#its just like atm everything that i need is like . not possible. which is oartially my brain being like We have to do this before we this#which sometimes isnt true but sometimes is#like i cant get medicated again or back seeing a psych or back on t until i get a job again#but i cant get a job again utnil i get my ged <- partially untrue but ged would make it a lot easier#but i cant get my ged until i have a job bc it costs money <- if i asked my parents they would probably help me If they had money 2 spare#since like. yk. they want ne to be able to work again so i have money again and ill be another source of income and they care abt me also .#affirmations . ppl donot just see me as a piggy bank they do see me as a person im not judt someone to squeeze money out of thats not how#ppl view me and its fine its fine its fine its fine . it feels so stupid being scared abt that i feel like a rich person whos like She only#likes me for my money 😭 like stfuuu annoying ass. i just ummmm. have a massive fear of debt and like. ppl demanding money from me#unexpectedly or expecting i am going to give them money. not in like a Ohhh fucking ppl want me to donate not it at all im happy to donate#but in like. god this is dumb. eveeytime i got birthday or christmas money as a kid i had to give it to my parents so they could buy food or#gas or whatever. and it never got paid bsck and it felt like shit. but i couldnt ever say no bc then itd be My fault we didnt have food that#week . yk. my first paycheck i had to give it all to my mom for groceries and we got in a fight in the store bc she was like Ok im gonna go#buy pop and my dumbass got upset abt it bc like. my mom told me itd be Necessities nd like. yk. wtvr. it was fucking stupid my entire family#r caffeine addicts so pop is a necessity i was just. rly upset and it felt like my parents saw my money as just. theirs but they had to ask#abt it so i wouldnt get pissy. yk. and they ask me for money a lot usually for food and i dont mind but it like. idk im rly paranoid abt#being a provider and ive got a Lot of guilt abt like. anytime we dont have enough food it feels like my fault bc it was my fault when i wasa#kid if i didnt give up my christmas money for pizza. or whatever. idk its so dramatic like i didnt need the money i was 8 it was selfish of#me to wanna buy fucking. toys or whatever that wasnt more important than My parents being able to get to work or my siblings being able to#fucking. literally eat. or paying bills. like its selfish that im like wahhh wahhh but i wanted to buy vibeo game wif my bday money i#shouldve judt been fucking grateful i was able to help my family. wtvr. I hate connor. wtvr#n then the shit with ugh last year like. yk. and stuff. and then the them stealing 1000 from me not getting into it b4 i get mad. idk.#and im just lazy now i need to get a job again but all the shit like. as i was saying earlier b4 i started whining. idk. i should be happy#that i get to help w bills and stuff that was my dream as a kid#like ever since i was 5 when i was fantasizing abt my future i was like Im gonna marry a prince and then ill be able to afford to pay all of#my families bills and my parents and siblings will be able to go to college and be happy and maybe never have to work bc ill be able to#handle it and ive always like. yk. when i was a dumbass kid i was like Ill go to college so i can get a good job and be useful. of course i#cant ever go to college bc im fucking. useless. and itd just be another burden on my family if i was in debt bc i couldnt help them as much#if i had debt and itd be selfish. and it doesnt matter bc im too stupid to go to college anyway. idk. i wish i could just fix everything#it just feels awful rn im literally just a drain and my family doesnt say it to me yk like. ik theyre happy imback i think they are
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kimmkitsuragi · 11 months
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"if i finish this i will watch a horror movie" thing kinda backfired it's 9pm lmao
#will i still do it. yes. probably.#it would probably be more fun in the night too so yeah#but god fucking damn it can i please just finish this thing#i cant even be properly mad at myself because ive been Actually Working in these last days lol#at last!!!#it feels like i can actually finish the whole thing next week :')#i started this at the beginning of September goddddddddd 😭😭#if i took it more seriously from the start it would've been done by now lol#but i guess at least im making progress#i am kinda getting nervous thinking abt deadlines and actually applying even tho i still have like a month for one school#and 2+ months for others lol#there's one in italy that's earlier than that but not sure if i wanna go for that one tbh so........ idk#but since it's wayy cheaper and i dont have many cheap options and i fear the same thing (aka not being able to go bc#of money) will happen again this year lol#so yeah just. not sure in general.#if i think too much about any of this i start to question everything anyway lmao so i shouldnt <3#i gotta visit my old uni to talk abt some letters too which i Know for a fact they would write#but it's so nerve wracking to think about butttt i gotta do it this week/early next week so.....#(this week means actually the next week in this case i guess lmao since it's friday rn)#bc they said 2 weeks notice sooooo im guessing that would be okay but u knowwwwwww ugh#okay. my goal is to just do this thing today#then finish the whole project tomorrow#then do the other readjustments for the other projects in a few days hopefully#then go to school#yeah. doable. perfectly doable#i gotta arrange the (redacted) and (redacted) meetings too lol buttttt yeah#🗒#wow i didnt intend to write this much tbh anyway
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nomaishuttle · 10 months
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I'm gonna be so open and honest with you guys right now i fucking rly dont want to go to work tomorrow .
#im violently nauseous rn and ik its judt bc ive been in a straining position and also i ate like 20 slimjins but like km only gonna get 5#hours of sleep maximum im gonna have a headache im so tired of everything i wanna have a day off but i cant. Its only tuesday and im#already liek Please can we be done please no more this week all done all done#im so fucking sick of working i dont want to have to work for the next 40 years Minimum. i hate everythingbon earth#i dont understand how ppl work fulltime and have a life i only get 2 live At all on weekends#and even then its only 1 day saturday bc sunday is my Doing all my chores and stuff day#so i do all my laundry i tidy up the room Et cetera. i dont udnerstand how people can just do this forever#it genuinely feels like. bc i leave 4 work at 6am. i get home around 5pm. im supposed to go to bed. well technically i should go 2 bed at#9 to get a full 9 hours but look man . that would give me 4 hours a day to be a person#so my bedtime is officially 10 but usually i go to bed at 12 which means i dont get enough sleep which means as soon as i getnoff work the#next day im even less willing to do anything#+ doing anything fun fucking costs money if not the thing itself the travel expenses. and if i spend money i just have to work to make that#money back i fucking hate it. and im doing this for what. so that in 40 years i can retire and then 10 years after that oh no unforeseen#expenses or something suddenly my retirement isnt cutting it i have to go work at fucking walmart or something as a 70 year old judt to#make ends meet. god. And when the fuck am i supposed to have kids i want kids very badly one day but how the fuck am i supposed to have#kids if id only be able to spend Maximum 6 hours a day with them. thats if my work is like Doectly next door.#how. how. how. less than 6 hours even bc theyd go to bed before i did so rly like 3 hours a day with my theoretical kids Im an awful#theoretical parent and maybe my theoretical spouse works less hours so they can be home with the kids but they resent me for always being#at fucking work 9 hours a fucking day and they resent me for not being there for our theoretical kids Im sorry theoretical partner i want#to fucking be there but SOMEBODY has to put money into our theoretical savings account. UGH!!!#i hate work i hate it i hate it#i dont even hate my job i just hate that its my entire fucking life#i hate that i essentially get half a day every week thats truly mine that i get to do whatever i want. and in my current situation i barely#even fucking get that idk.
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cherrymangos · 1 year
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chimaerakitten · 2 years
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I think one of the big strengths of fanfiction as a medium is that it can, on average, assume the reader has a way higher degree of familiarity with canon than like…canon can. If you’re in the Star Wars AO3 tag you probably like Star Wars enough to remember more things about it than the average Star Wars-enjoying-ten-year-old. Which makes it way easier for fanwriter a to get to the juicy stuff and really engage with the worldbuilding or minor characters without having to spell out like. Who Wedge Antilles is for everyone who forgot or never noticed him in the first place. You could write a book about Wedge in the old EU because EU readers could also be assumed to be serious fans, but you can’t make a new canon Disney+ show about him. Those cost money to make and are intended for a broader audience.
And all this means that like. A good fic writer can and often will surpass canon when it comes to like. Thematic resonance and stuff, because they can really dig into something. Star Trek 2009 gave Kirk a new, more generic tragic backstory because it couldn’t expect the average moviegoer to be familiar with Kirk’s old, way more interesting tragic backstory. (Frankly, I’m not sure jj abrams knew about TOS Kirk’s backstory) whereas I have read a LOT of well-written, interesting, deeply resonant fanfic examinations of Tarsus IV, and what it means for Kirk’s character that he’s a genocide survivor. Star Trek 2009 answers the question “why did Kirk cheat on the kobayashi maru?” With “‘cause his dad crashed a spaceship when he was a baby.” A close examination of TOS canon implies the answer is “because he lived through a real-life Kobayashi that did have a win option, but which wasn’t taken.” BUT—and this is significant—even the TOS canon movies can’t really assume knowledge of the full TOS tv show, so that implication is never examined or made explicit. Instead it’s fanfic (and maybe spin off novels? Idk I’ve only read 2 trek books, if there’s one out there that covers this that would be really cool) where we get dives into that thread, where Kirk gets a commendation for original thinking because he can look a testing board in the eye and say “I’ve seen what happens when someone is entrenched in this kind of thinking, and I cannot let it happen to me. I understand the lesson, but it’s not hypothetical anymore and it never will be. I did what I had to do.” And that’s interesting! That’s meaningful! That can’t happen in a summer blockbuster. But it can happen in fic, easily, and that’s a strength of fic, I think.
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thehauntedetheral · 2 months
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Can I request Yandere doctor x patient???
Yandere Doctor
Requests are open!
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• The world should just end. It was the only thing you were manifesting right now as you were walking down the street.
• Why? Because well when you were mourning at home on your parents death anniversary your boyfriend of years was cheating on you with some random girl. And also your landlord has given you the notice to leave the house in 2 weeks all of a sudden. The only thing you have now is your job.
• You were going to meet a broker to find a new house when your stomach ache started again. You have been feeling this way for quite some days but you ignored it as you haven't got much time between finding a new house and your love life's drama. And on top of that this stomach ache. Just great. Please god just kill me you thought when out of nowhere you felt fainting. No. No god I just thought that figuratively not literary Please don't kill me you thought before black took you over.
• You woke up and found your self on an hospital bed. An IV attached to your hand.
• An handsome doctor came in giving you a polite smile. "Glad you woke up. You fainted on street a kind stranger got you here. You fainted due to appendicitis. It was infected so we took out via surgery. The staff called your emergency contact which is your friend I guess. she signed all the surgery and consent paper while you were unconscious. We have to keep you here for two days under observation just in case nothing serious." The handsome doctor said. Well that explains everything how I ended here you thought.
• After the doctor went your friend came in. Fussing all over you.
• Your friend stayed with you most of the time during the 2 days. You both thought that the doctor was so polite, good looking and handsome. Especially more handsome in his scrubs
• During the two days you were in the hospital. Yan Doctor would stop at your room a lot unnecessarily.
• He would check up on you a lot saying "doctor duties" when it was not at all necessary but who is gonna tell you anyways.
• Would try to chit chat with you and your friends during his break.
• Switched his shift with his colleague just to be around you went it was his day off.
• When he heard you were looking for a house. He told you a house beside his is empty and affordable so if you want you can move there.
• After getting discharged you went to get a look at the house. It was so spacious and beautiful yet it's price was too low according to its infrastructure you thought when it should cost a lot. Nevermind the owners loss you thought and moved into that house.
• You and yan doctor were neighbours now.
• He would often invite you for meals at his house. Under the facade of "I again made too much".
• Helps you in shifting and settling down. Saying "I am just being a good Neighbour".
• Well in reality the owner of that house is none other than yan doctor. He knew that this house's rent value is a lot but he told you less because he wanted you closer to him. In fact he wanted to give you this house to live at free but that would cause a lot of suspicion so he told you a very low price.
• Has been obsessed with you since he saw you unconscious on the stretcher brought into hospital looking beautiful as angel. He thought you looked beautiful while unconscious. But when he talked to you saw you smile, heard your voice he thought you were out worldly. Just Divine.
• This man is madly in love with you.
• Kills your ex with a overdose of drug making it look like an accident just because he was jealous and mad that he hurt you emotionally. How could someone cheat on such a perfect human? He thought.
• Tries his best to become close to you and become your friend and more.
• Gives you health advice all of the time.
• You fell sick? This man becomes your personal doctor, nurse everything.
• Has so much money that always showers you with your favourite coffees, meals and tickets to movies or concert. His reason? "Well I was just passing by and saw this I know you like it so I bought it for you". When in reality this man specifically goes to that place just for getting it for you.
• He sees your one smile and feel like he won in life. This man is whipped for you.
• If you ask this man for his heart he would literally tear his chest and pull his heart out for you. Nothing matters to him except you. You are his everything.
• When you get an invite to a wedding. You thought who should I take with me as a date?
• Yan Doctor keeps throwing hints at you all week indicating that he wants to be your wedding date. This man is so desperate for you.
• When you finally ask him to be your wedding date. This man is the most happiest person in world. You might think you just asked him to marry you by looking at his happy expressions.
• Well don't worry darling because he is damn sure you are gonna marry him one day.
• With you being conscious or high with drug. Choice is yours darling. After all he is a good doctor and knows how to use them well.
Want part 2? Let me know through comments.
Requests are open!
For more yandere reading:
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braxlrose · 6 months
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I miss ur writings sm :(
I am so sorry that I've been gone for so long, I haven't posted any fan fiction in so many months and honestly I lost motivation 😭 so many ppl who were in this fandom and I created a community with, were slowly getting over this "phase" and it definitely affected me. But I'm going to try and get back into writing. I hope this will do good for now! Ive had a lot of ppl recently ask for 2005 bill hcs, and I've done that before so if this is repetitive for something else I've written, sorry!
content warnings: none
a/n: I'll be updating my tag list since it hasn't been updated since like August of last year and I don't want to be tagging people who don't care or want to see these posts anymore. So if you wanna be tagged, let me know!
2005!bill kaulitz x f!reader
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sfw:
- I'm an alternative person so whenever I write for bill, I always imagine him with an alternative girl 😞 even though from what I've seen he's never really been w/ an alternative one, BUT LETS PRETEND OKAY 🙏🙏
• he absolutely loves doing hair together, I think he enjoys helping you do your hair in the morning and your make up. And he's even more greatful if you do his makeup. Then he can just relax while you help him.
• pookie has crunchy ass hair at the end of the day when he has to wash it out, don't make fun of him 😞
• getting piercings together is something he LOVES doing with you. Mainly early piercings because he only has a tongue and eyebrow piercing on his face.
• if you made music too, he would always go to your concerts and basically scream the entire time. Hopefully, you'd do the same for him.
• if you have longer nails, head scratches are always a must and he will lay in your lap for literal hours while you pamper him.
- I personally think he would love to learn words in your language if you keep something different than German. And despite what anybody thinks, he finds it hilarious to learn the dirty words.
• if you cook him something from your culture, he will literally die. He basically thinks everything about you is so cool, and learning about a culture different from his is so exciting
• but if you two really want to date, you'll have to both try to learn English or each other language because there is going to be a hard language barrier between you two.
- I think one of the reasons he would've fallen in love with you is because you were upfront with him. He's not the type of guy to just go up and kiss someone so if you confess first, that would make things so much easier.
- obviously, you'd have to get along with Tom, Georg and Gustav. So if you don't, there's no way he'll go out with you, especially if you can't get along or hate Tom.
-Dates together consist of stuff you guys bought somewhere, or if you guys went to a fastfood restaurant.
• He doesn't have a lot of money yet so dates wouldn't exactly be high class, hopefully you don't mind 😉
-Since this is around the time Tokio Hotel is getting increasingly famous, there are fangirls around trying to flirt and ask out bill all the time and he has to shoo them off. He reminds you every night about how much he loves you and that those fan girls shouldn't bother you.
-he likes to spoon you a lot, and you two switch back n forth between him being the big spoon and the small spoon.
• I think he also really likes it when you lay on top of him, with your face in his neck and your legs wrapped around him. (This also works sitting upwards).
• cuddling with him is so nice too because he actually smells really good 😱
- I think he still gets very insecure sometimes because of the haters and people who harass the band because they don't like them and you reassure him a lot.
a/n pt 2: sorry this wasn't too long! I'm trying to get back into the groove of writing so if this is terrible I'm sorry 😞
taglist: none right now
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motherofdogs1010 · 4 months
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Little Darling IV (Thomas Shelby x Reader)
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Summary: Birmingham has received a new club, one that is showcasing a exotic type of dance that is drawing in crowds, but it is one particular dancer that catches Thomas Shelby's eye... one that goes by the stage name: Little Darling
Warnings: Warnings: 18+ only, eventual pinv sex, eventual smut, stripper!reader, heavy petting, dry humping, language, drinking, cannon Peaky Blinder violence
A/N: This takes place post S1 after Grace during that 2 year jump but before Grace comes back, but don't worry, we will be seeing Grace again!
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Banner @firefly-graphics Dividers @vase-of-lilies
Part III
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His lips against hers felt hot, a shiver ran through her at the sensation of their lips molded against one another and she squeezed her eyes as her hand twitched and--
Slap.
Y/N felt a sense of justification when she slapped Tommy, one of her long nails scratched the corner of his lip pretty good during the slap and the man smirked, his tongue coming out and licking the little blood.
His cheek was rosy from the slap and she felt vindication over it as she
"I'm not a whore", she hissed, shoving him away and standing up. "And I will never be your whore."
"Not during the day", Tommy replied, "not yet at least."
Her eyes widen at his response, the way he was making it out that she was going to be his whore and while the rational part of her felt anger, there was a slim, small part of her that reveled in the thought.
"I need you to leave", she demanded, Tommy held his gloved hands up.
"Fine", he said, "but you don't need to worry about your parents."
Her heart stopped as he continued, "I made sure to leave a generous donation to them, they should be getting a good amount of groceries for the next month."
Y/N felt confused, why was he taking care of her parents? Why was he spending all this effort on her? It had to go beyond what he was telling her; she watched as he turnt and left, wondering just what did Tommy want with her.
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Y/N was due for new beauty products and it was on her way out of the store did she run into the famous Polly Gray, aunt to the Shelby boys. It struck her as odd since with the amount of money the Shelbys had acquired, they would have someone else do their shopping but here she was, wrapped in a fur-lined coat and a impeccable hat on her head.
Polly was everything Y/N had heard of, beautiful and sophisticated with eyes that cut you deep as she analyzed you to the bone.
"Y/N is it?" the older woman asked, Y/N clutched her paper bag of things.
"Yes", she replied, "what can I do for you?"
"Walk with me", Polly said, Y/N trailed after her.
After a few moments, Polly spoke up, "Tommy's pretty taken with you."
Y/N felt her eyes widen, had the bastard blabbed?
"Don't worry", Polly said, "he hasn't said anything, but I always know everything that boy does. He is predictable when he comes across a beautiful woman."
"Well, I'd rather he not", Y/N said as they walked.
"The man can't help but think with his cock", Polly said, "he just like every other man."
Y/N wondered what it was that Polly wanted as she said, "No matter, seems like you want nothing to do with the bastard. Much better than the last one."
The last one?
And with more questions than answers, Polly Gray simply turned around and walked away.
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Some of the girls wanted to go to the Garrison since Cherry had given some of them the night off as appreciation for their hard work. Y/n had slid into a champagne-colored dress that accentuated her figure, curled her hair into a chignon bun at the base of her neck; her mother's pearls adorned her neck and ears as she finished the look with her usual, deep red lipstick.
"N/N, over here!" Diane said, waving her over.
Diane, stage name Lovely, smiled as she sat with Eleanor (Beloved), Phoebe (Babydoll), and Susan (Sweet Pea). Y/N had felt some apprehension at coming to the Garrison considering that it was prime Blinder territory, but it had been so long since she had gone out with her friends that the risk of running into Tommy felt overshadowed by it.
Walking over, Y/N smiled at the girls as she took a seat. The pub was busy since it was a Friday, the sound of chatter and laughter rang in the place as she slid into a empty seat with her friends.
"What took you so long?" Susan said in a teasing tone.
"You can't rush perfection", she teased back and her friends laughed with her.
Soon enough, gossip began to flow through them as they sat and relaxed, listening to the chatter of the Garrison as Eleanor was gossiping about another one of their co-workers, Beauty.
"She truly thinks that Mr. Lowe will leave his wife for her", Eleanor said with a 'tsk' in her tone. "Poor thing, she really does believe it."
"We all tried to warn her when she first started", Diane said, "just because they're repeat clients does not mean anything."
Y/N sipped on her whiskey as she listened, the cold ice cubes touching her lips as Susan said, "I'm not sure, myself. Y/N here has (Susan looked around before whispering) Mr. Thomas Shelby wrapped around her finger."
Y/N's eyes widened and she had hoped no one else had noticed the preference that he had taken to her, but it seemed it was obvious to everyone.
"Don't remind me", she said with a shake of her head. "He's like a pest that won't leave."
Susan giggled a little, "A pest that brings you loads of money."
"Well, that's the only upside", she said with a teasing grin. "I'm just hoping he doesn't turn up tonight."
"Why's that? It's not like he'd recognize you without the uniform", Diane said, Y/N shook her head.
"Sugar ratted me out."
Her three friends gasped and shook their heads as Eleanor said, "he's been following you, hasn't he?"
Y/N opened her mouth, about to respond when Harry, the bartender walked over and set a drink down in front of her.
"I didn't order this", she said with a frown.
"He did", Harry said as he pointed out the culprit.
And lo and behold, the bane of her days had been sitting in the corner this whole time, just watching her...
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TAGLIST
@amanda08319 @crispynutella @neonpurplestars89-blog @forgottenpeakywriter @kxnnxy
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drdemonprince · 6 months
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ive seen you talk about FIRE/mr money moustache and i am interested in how you balance that with your politics. i ask because i am also interested in FIRE but struggle with the idea of saving 2mil+ to retire early when people need money NOW to survive. not just broadly but even loved ones and community members in my immediate vicinity. i dont mean this in an EXPLAIN YOURSELF sort of way, just so many of the FIRE etc people i find writing about it dont really address this aspect and its something i struggle with internally myself.
Sure, I don't mind speaking about this at all. I wish I more frequently had the occasion to because it's a major special interest of mine.
First, I'm not interested in the saving 2 million dollars (if that were even feasible) school of financial independence/ retire early. I'm more of an adherent to the r/LeanFire, r/BaristaFire type approach of maintaining a consistently very frugal standard of living that is sustainable for me, on a relatively smaller savings, and pursuing a life of relatively little consumption.
I also think that MMM, despite his many flaws, is broadly accurate in stating that when people continuing working all their lives, they also create more ecological devastation by consuming a whole of a hell lot more resources on convenience and burning more fuel, while chasing after a steadily rising living standard set by the norms of their profession. By taking myself out of the workforce sooner rather than later, I will be contributing less to climate change and waste because I'll need fewer convenience meals, fewer car rides, fewer flights, fewer hotel rooms, fewer fancy professional clothes, and so on and so on.
I also spend a lot of time on the Socially Conscious Mustachians group on Facebook, which focuses on investing one's savings in ways that are less ethically problematic. The easy mode version of this is simply putting one's money into index funds that exclude oil companies, gun manufacturers, etc. But honestly, today, with interest rates being as high as they are? It's pretty easy to just sock one's money into a CD or a bond, collect the cool 5.4% interest, and avoid having to contribute to the stock market directly at all. There are even high-yield savings accounts at credit unions that pay out about that much interest these days, and those entities typically do not invest in oil pipelines, BDS targets, or anything all that objectionable.
As for the hoading money while others are in need piece: Well. yeah. that's a difficult ethical challenge that we all must consider. how much can i hold onto for my own wellbeing in the spirit of "putting on one's oxygen mask first" without it being wealth hoarding? how much should i give to other people when i see that they are in need --someone could easily make the case that I have the moral obligation to give away what i have to my very last cent, and I couldn't really argue with them on that. maybe a person should do that. but i'm not going to do it. and of course the effective altruism freakos would counter that if i invest my money and grow it now, i will have more to give to others in the long run than if i cash out now.
realistically, i won't be able to continue working for much longer without having another health episode or worse. i will not qualify for disability benefits because high maskers who have had careers usually do not. and social security's coffers will be entirely drained long before i reach the age to qualify for it. if i enter my non-working years without any resources, someone else will have to worry about me staying housed and medicated and fed.
i tend to think of my retire early stash as my own little private disability benefits fund that will allow me to live safely and will hopefully allow me to take care of other people that i love as we age, and that will give me the freedom from having to do any morally compromising capitalist labor ever again, and only put my energies towards causes that either fulfill me or benefit others.
but it's still rooted in a highly individualistic capitalist system, this holding onto money under my own name and investing it thing. im sure a lot of people would choose instead to sock all of their money into some kind of cooperatively owned communist farm or something, and you know, some day down the line i would love to put money toward a big multi unit building that lots of people i am in community with could live in, with no financial obligations for them. but i dont have anywhere near that kind of scratch. as hannibal buress (that landlord piece of shit) said, "i don't have fuck you money, i have strongly worded email money." and you know, being able to write a strongly worded email to people who would otherwise be exploiting me into another huge burnout does feel good.
thinking that one day i might not work anymore is one of the only things that keeps me going. i am always on the razor's edge of not functioning, i dont think people really realize that, how could they, the mask is there to prevent them seeing it. im beyond privileged to even get to CONSIDER the dream of getting by on my savings for however long human society continues to exist. and it sure would be better if i could extend that kind of freedom and peace of mind to others. my life still feels very precarious and it always has and ive had to be stable for the sake of others for a long time, ive had to be financially responsible for others for a long time. i cling to the idea of FI/RE because it offers me a way to finally break down and be weak. but something more community oriented and interdependent would sure as fuck be better. in the meantime i guess im saving for something like that i could trust enough to give myself over to.
i also have a really strong fetishistic desire to be someone's completely brainwashed sex pet for the entire rest of my life, and having an early retirement account would really help me facilitate that
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ihatedean · 23 days
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please help my baby get his ear surgery done<3
thank you for clicking read more :)
so after months of testing the vet informed us a few days ago that our cat does, in fact, have skin cancer. to get more specific it's actually squamous-cell carcinoma.
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(text is in spanish but im sure google lens can translate pretty well.)
it's affecting the tip/side of his left ear and hasn't spread to his nose or the other ear, so the vet recommended surgery to get the ear removed as soon as we possibly can. this would be on september 2nd, this monday.
exams like x-rays and biopsies have already been pretty expensive so i'm making this post to hopefully offset the cost of his pinnectomy (ARS$180,000->USD$189) even just a little bit. the whole thing has been really stressing and adding to that a messed up family situation where i can't ask them for help, please trust me when i say i wouldn't do this if i didn't need to.
details for the fic commissions:
my ao3 account for reference
right now im working on stuff for supernatural and formula 1 so that's where my brain's at, mostly, but ive done a lot of writing for jojo's bizarre adventure (im Very fluent with jotaro and all part 3-4 characters) and for the argies in the room, i've even written stuff for los simuladores and el marginal. i have no issues writing in spanish (rioplatense).
im also comfortable writing for genshin impact. been playing for years and im familiar with the lore up until fontaine. i've been itching to write something for a while :)
im Very Very familiar with x reader fics and will do OC x Character or OC x OC gladly as long as you provide character art or detailed descriptions to help me capture them best.
im comfortable writing pretty much every ship for the fandoms i named and can do gen, teen, mature and explicit works. im open to all kinks and have a history of doing incest and age-gap pairings. im comfortable with most dark themes— will write dub-con, non-con, cnc, and want to hear your weirdly specific skinks. in general, it's easier to say what i will not do than what i will. no judgement, as long as you respect
what i will not do:
horror
gore
necrophilia
violent non-con or explicit non-con (mentioning it in the story is fine, but i will not write the actual scene)
scat
vore
race play (hateful imagery/racial slurs)
kidfic
for formula 1 im simply inept at doing maxiel and c2. in general, i struggle with max and carlos. won't write anything for lando, sorry. anything else from 2010 to 2024 is fine, and im open to AUs of any kind as well as gender bending :)
pricing
Tier 3 — USD$5 for 500 words. 5 slots open
Tier 2 — USD$10 for 1k to 3k words. 2 slots open
Tier 1 — USD$25 for 4k to 10k words. 2 slots open
if i exceed wordcount in any case, it's on me. i'm a yapper.
contact me here or ask for my gmail in tumblr dms ^^
i can only accept ppal for USD$. if you're in argentina and you're interested, dm me for mercadopago info :)
(if you just want to donate that's totally cool. i just felt weird asking for money without anything to offer. it's a me thing)
ppal link
if you read this whole thing, thank you. here is the boy himself. he's almost 11 years old, incredibly grumpy, manipulative, called ugly by almost all my friends, has already gone through eye surgery so that's why his eyes look Like That, and on the rare occasion he sits on my lap i literally cry.
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please put sunscreen on your cats, especially if they have white hair like aki. we didn't know for the longest time that exposure to the sun could cause skin cancer on cats and by the time we knew and started doing it, it was too late.
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fernandopiastri28 · 3 months
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quand c’est - part 5 ~ ln4 x op81
part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8
Damage? Fuck. Shit. Fucking shit. “Will I be able to drive again?” Lando’s voice raises and wobbles, tears he can’t even feel dribbling down his cheeks. He doesn’t want to imagine a life without racing. He’s only just gotten his first win a few months back, he can’t lose it all now.
warnings: major illness, cancer, sickness, brain damage
Lando’s body feels fuzzy- if that’s possible.
Where is he?
He should be in the car, he knows he hasn’t finished the race yet. He still has a chance- he’s doing so well, he’s guaranteed at least 6 points.
So why can’t he move an inch? Why can’t he feel the familiar rumble of the car underneath him? Why can he just see chipping white paint above him for as far as he can see?
“He just- he doesn’t know when to say when, and-and it scares me,” There’s a stammering and choked voice cutting through the painful silence of the room. It’s one he knows just as well as he knows his own.
But right now, everything feels unfamiliar. His hearing feels like an old recorded tape, his teeth feel like they’ve been awkwardly shoved into his mouth, and his body- just isn’t his.
Bile shoots up his throat, and he feels immobilised. He can’t turn his head to cough or vomit it out- it’s like he’s frozen in place. He’s in a hospital, he can figure out that much. There’s an IV in his hand and a drip attached, slow trickles of water making their way into his system.
“Like- he fucking knows he’s unwell- he’s on the brink of death, but he’s too proud to ever accept it,” Who ever it is is clearly on the phone, passionately ranting about someone who Lando can only assume is himself.
Lando should’ve expected that. He let down a whole lot of people in Singapore. Himself- first off, the whole McLaren team- especially Zac and Andrea, all the McLaren fans who’d paid good money to see him race tonight and he’d just bombed it.
Most of all- he knows he has disappointed Oscar.
Maybe that’s who’s talking. “And I- I worry about him, all the fucking time. He never lets himself fully recover from anything. Las Vegas last year- he insisted on going out clubbing like two days later. In Amsterdam when he got that fucking cut on his nose and didn’t let anyone clean him up so now he’s got a permanent scar on his nose.”
Oscar’s still in the car. It must be Jon.
“He just- he won’t let anyone take care of him- even me. I just, I just wish he knew how willing I would be. I would drop anything to make sure he’s alright. Like-” Whoever it is is struggling to speak clearly, their voice stuffy and thick with tears. Lando feels awful, not just his body, but because he knows that this is his own doing.
The voice goes silent for a while, the noise of someone on the other end of the line quietly speaking sounds nothing more than a mumble to Lando. It almost feels like his ears have been stuffed with cotton.
“I’m just worried about him, Logan,” Logan? Why on earth would Logan be out of the car and on the phone. Better yet, why is Jon calling Logan Sargeant?
“Oscar?” Lando’s voice seems foreign, not attached to himself.
“Holy sh- Logan, he’s awake, I’ve gotta go,” Oscar hangs up the phone, rushing to Lando’s side to cling onto the edge of his hospital bed. “Lans,” He whispers, wiping his hand over the brit’s forehead. “How are you feeling?”
Lando spaces out, Oscar’s face becoming a blurry sight. “Why am I not in the car?”
Oscar looks away, chewing at his bottom lip. He’s being avoidant, trying to think of a way to let Lando down slowly- whatever the reason is.
“You crashed into Fernando.”
“Alonso?”
“No, Gasly.” He replies stone faced, “Of course Alonso,” Oscar’s face softens, a small smile appearing.
Lando grins for a moment, rolling his eyes. It falters when it sinks in what Oscar just said. You crashed into Fernando, not Fernando crashed into you. It was Lando’s fault.
“Why’d I crash? Was it wet out?” Memories of Sochi fill his head, fucking rain ruining his races. “Was there something wrong with the car?” He wants to be logical, and he’s trying to do that the best he can, but it all feels unexplainable. He can’t have crashed, there’s just no way.
“They think that-” Oscar shuts his eyes for a moment, and Lando can properly see his features again. Pale cheeks dusted an angry red, stained with tear drops. Brown eyes, watery and sore. A mess of hair on top of his head, much like how it normally sits after a race. “They think you had a seizure,”
What. The. Fuck.
“A what?” Lando knew what Oscar had said, but it was easier to play dumb, to pretend he didn’t have a clue as to what the younger boy was talking about. It was easier to play pretend.
Lando had never had a seizure before, nor did he have a history of seizures in his family. It just wasn’t possible.
“A seizure,” Fucking thanks Oscar, I did hear you the first time. “They’ve done a few tests on your head so..” Oscar’s tongue prods at the inside of his cheek, like he’s trying to avoid saying something. “They’re just seeing if there was any damage.
Damage? Fuck. Shit. Fucking shit. “Will I be able to drive again?” Lando’s voice raises and wobbles, tears he can’t even feel dribbling down his cheeks. He doesn’t want to imagine a life without racing. He’s only just gotten his first win a few months back, he can’t lose it all now.
Oscar sucks on his bottom lip, his teeth poking out on top of it slightly, “Don’t worry Lando,” He reaches over, hugging Lando to his chest tightly, “The doctors are taking good care of you, I’ll take care of you, I promise you will race again,”
Lando has never known Oscar to lie. If Oscar is promising that Lando will race again, Lando will race again.
A bubble forms in Lando’s throat, choking him, “I’m so sorry, Osc,” Oscar’s eyes immediately go wide with panic, unsure as to why Lando’s apologising. “I sh-should’ve listened to you, I’m such a fucking idiot,”
It’s because it’s clicking now- Oscar was complaining to Logan about how he never listens to him. He’s right, Lando is an awful boyfriend who doesn’t know how to fucking take care of himself. They’re supposed to be a couple, yet it’s more like Oscar’s his caretaker, and Lando hates himself for being Oscar in that position.
“Oh, Lans,” His voice is breathy as he drags his fingers along Lando’s cheek, soft and faint. “It’s okay, you’ll be okay, I’m not mad,” He kisses Lando’s forehead, his eyes studying each twitch Lando’s face makes.
Oscar’s not mad, but he’s definitely disappointed.
You stupid fuck, Lando Norris.
“Okay,” His voice halters, a forced response. They both go silent after that, Oscar holding Lando’s right hand in his own, kissing the back of the Brit's hand every so often.
Lando stares up at the ceiling. It’s better than looking at Oscar who just looks so broken and concerned. Lando will only hate himself more and more if he looks at Oscar, looks at who he let down.
“Mr Piastri, Mr Norris,” A doctor announces her presence in the room with a barely there knock on the door. It’s been a few hours of Lando laying and staring at the ceiling, he can only assume based on how it’s beginning to become bright outside. Lando tilts his head up, only then noticing that the pain in his head is almost fully gone.
Being doped up is a good feeling.
“Yes?” Oscar looks towards her, keeping Lando’s hand in his. He licks his lips, holding his breath in anticipation. He knows he needs to stay calm, he needs to stay strong for Lando no matter what the doctor says.
The doctor sucks in a deep breath. She looks no older than 25, which realistically she must be, but she looks only just older than the two boys. She looks like an experienced kid- just as Lando is, just like what he pretends he isn’t. "Mr. Norris, I have some upsetting news,”
Oscar looks at Lando, and Lando doesn;t meet his eyes. He knows that ‘upsetting’ doesn’t even begin to describe whatever he’s about to hear. He’s heard horror stories from acquaintances, he’s watched movies and shows. He knows they’re sugar coating whatever it is.
“So, we were correct- you suffered a tonic-clonic seizure during the race, just as you made contact with..” She trails off, unsure of the name of the driver Lando crashed into. He feels mortified, fucking crashing into the two time world champion of Fernando Alonso. Having a seizure and crashing into Alonso.
“And with the results of your recent MRI- they have detected a mass in the frontal lobe of your brain,” Lando’s eyebrows tighten and Oscar squeezes his hand, grounds him.” And it appears to be malignant,”
Lando doesn’t consider himself a particularly smart guy, and usually, it’s to his disadvantage. Yet, for once, his lack of knowledge for what malignant is means that he gets to stay in that sheltered bubble of nothing is wrong for just a bit longer.
He can pretend nothing is wrong, just for a few moments.
“We have several treatment options, including surgery and chemotherapy, which we can discuss in further detail if you have any questions about them.” Lando feels a tug in his hand, Oscar lurching forward in a sob. It’s bad, malignant must mean it’s bad.
He’s not going to let himself feel it. “Chemo?” Oscar’s voice cracks.
“We fear it has already developed to stage 1 brain cancer,”
Norris's lead is up to 4.5s now with 11 laps to go. Could his 110th grand prix be the occasion of his first victory?
“We are here to support you through every step of this process.”
Norris has finished second eight times and has 15 podiums to his name without winning. Could this finally be the day his luck turns? They're counting down the laps nervously at McLaren.
The door clicks shut and Oscar buries his face into Lando’s chest, “Oh my god Lando, Lans, I’m so sorry,”
Norris's lead ticks past the six seconds mark. Four laps to go and McLaren are practising their best poker faces on the pit wall. Not an inkling of a smile just yet on the face of Zak Brown.
“I love you Lando, I love you and I’m gonna- we’re gonna do this together, you’re gonna get better,”
Three laps to go for Norris. He's under no pressure from behind.
“You’re gonna race again, I promise you,”
Two to go now before F1 has a new race winner.
“You’re gonna win again, we're gonna be on the podium again together,”
Norris is onto his final lap. He can almost push it home from here.
“You’re gonna be a champion, Lans, a world champion,”
Across the line comes Lando Norris to win the 2024 F1 Miami Grand Prix! It's the first grand prix win of his career, and the first for McLaren since Monza 2021, when Daniel Ricciardo hit the top step.
Oscar’s a fucking liar and an idealist. Lando’s not gonna race again, if the brain cancer doesn’t kill him, it’s gonna leave him a shell of the man he once was.
He’s already not the Lando Norris, he’s hardly even Lando.
He’s just sick.
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ufoend · 2 years
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∆ please help us
we can not afford any of our basic needs
i usually try to keep this as light as possible, but i have put this off for long enough that i have to post this. me and my partner desperately need help. we are just two gay people trying to make it alone here with absolutely no support system.
who we are: im j (or jet), im 24 year old trans guy whose had this account since 2014. i married my partner in 2018, we even met on tumblr when we were younger, we've been together for years. my partner is disabled (diagnosed with autism and seizure disorder and others)
what we need: our cat had an emergency surgery two years ago that means he needs to be on a prescription diet (hills urinary food) for his entire life. the vet suddenly said we need to bring him in again to get his prescription renewed and we cant order any more food for him until then, which he will not survive without, and he is not allowed to eat any alternative food without risking his life. we have less than half of a 8 lb bag of it which will not last him through the next month. with the vet, food, and ubers to get to the vet and to the only place they sell the food = 200
to try to summarize our situation, we were kicked out by family and made officially homeless for the first time last year. this is right after we moved across states (wa to az) to support my partners family upon their request, only to be subjected to abuse and kicked out directly due to homophobia in an unfamiliar state after a few months. this left both of us and all of our animals entirely homeless. we luckily have an apartment now but our situation is still not okay. we lost all of our belongings at this time, everything, and have not been able to replace them as we have fixed income. my partner is especially affected by this situation, as it was traumatizing, and they have just had to power through trauma after trauma because of poverty, more than i can say.
i also have severe dental problems that are not covered by medicaid in az and i have no way to afford. this includes wisdom teeth, root canals, and many cavities that will turn into that crazy expensive treatment if i don't fix it. some may remember this (+this). i was only able to have a little bit of work done before we were homeless and one root canal failed. i cant keep ignoring it, because they are worried about two of the cavities becoming root canals, and i want to prevent another infection, but thats at least 250 each.
we are still not going to be able to afford rent in future months because our EBT was delayed last month and i had to spend money we don't have to afford anything, and now we are in serious jeopardy even affording rent, let alone bills. our pets (2 cats 1 small dog) also desperately need vaccinations, which is dangerous to keep going this overdue without with their health problems. our dog has also been limping for the past week and he needs to be seen when that is ever possible.
any donations would go first to the vet appointment and cat food, then the other needs in order of priority. will keep updating this, i know its a lot and i really don't expect anything, i am begging for help with any of this
we are both students, we are trying to work towards stability, while being stuck here. i do everything i can to bring in money to support us on my own. we make 200 less than rent is monthly. i am in school to become a caseworker so i am aware of a lot of resources in my area, and have applied for everything, but we can not do this alone which is why i have to ask for help. i am so sorry for having to do this but i appreciate any support that i do have because of this website. you guys literally save my life. helping out other poor people and getting helped out on here has been the most compassion ive ever been a part of. dollars, even pennies, worth of donations has kept my cat safe, has affected me in real ways. it actually matters to us, no matter the amount.
thank you anyone who reblogs, donates anything, or reaches out.
*
p*ypal email (best): [email protected]
v*nmo: @tobler707
c*shapp: $tobler707
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thousandsonny · 3 months
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Ive had some pretty shitty last few weeks so here is a bunch of updated info and stuff for my TNMN oc lineup cause I need to get it down before I lose it 👍
Doorman:
- Crowe (Real name Unknown)
- Aged 42
- 5'10.5
- Lost his wife and daughter to a Doppelganger attack a few years prior and after suffering severely from it, happened to go a bit manic. Tends to be quite careless as a doorman and will frequently let in doppelgangers to blow off steam/ get some payback. Luckily none have ever gotten past him (nor likely will).
D.D.D. officer:
- Rooke (Real name Unknown)
- Age unknown
- 5"4
- The doppelganger that took out Crowe's family, and then proceeded to steal his daughters livelihood. Constantly nags at Crowe when she shows up to collect doppels after a call and despite his efforts to turn them in, has never been caught (Given the D.D.D. seem to be somewhat into the doppel stuff.) Is part of the main reason Crowe would rather swing at a doppel than call an officer to aid, as he can't bring himself to swing at his baby girl, doppel or not.
F04-1 Neighbor(s):
- Angelina and Darla Bow
- Aged 50 and 25
- 5"8 and 5"10
- Coming from a rather dark past as an (ex) Mob wife, Angelina confides in Angus, who held ties to her original group within the Italian Mafia and in turn was able to help her discreetly escape her old life along with her daughter, Darla. Angelina is currently retired, given she's floating on a good lot of money from her ex husband, though despite this chose a more private and less flashy lifestyle in order to give Darla a better chance at her own. Darla herself currently works as a housekeeper for a wealthy family outside of town. (A.k.a. Darla secretly living that fancy life by spending most her time in a big ass mansion.)
F04-2 Neighbor(s):
- Sewell De Silva
- Aged 60
- 6"10
- Sewell is the ex Mayor of the town, retired after losing his sight to a doppel attack. Being a widower with a child wasn't exactly easy for the man, but despite his disability and hardships he still made good for himself within the apartment complex and is quite friendly and well loved by his neighbors. (Disclaimer: His wife passed away to illness before the doppels appeared, not because she was attacked.)
F04-3 Neighbor(s):
- Kerrie Lorne
- Aged 22
- 5"6.5
- Kerrie is a well known performer within the town, albeit on the more promiscuous and risque side of things. A bit of an attention seeker, so he doesn't quite mind the extra eyes on him, even if it comes from rather unruley patrons. Some tend to frown upon his showings due to his age, but he doesn't care one bit. (Kerrie has quite a messed up background, so this is all I can realistically share here.)
F04-4 Neighbor(s):
- Gaianne Calloway
- Aged 31
- 5"1
- Gaianne is a head nurse within the cities hospital. When she's not caring for patients at the office, she's wandering the halls of the apartment complex checking on her neighbors and keeping them in top shape as well. Having lost her sister to a doppel attack to an injury she couldn't sustain, Gaianne has made it her job to know every little detail she can about wounds and care in order to make sure she doesn't slip up and lose anyone else.
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wintervalewritersecond · 11 months
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tears to shed iv - simon 'ghost' riley
masterlist // masterlist call of duty
requested: no, but requests are OPEN! request: x
A/N: last part! hope this makes up for the sad ending last part &lt;3
part 1 // part 2 // part 3 // part 4
wordcount: warnings: ooc simon (like, very ooc), corpse bride au, she/her reader, happy ending
An arranged marriage to unite two worlds. But no one would have expected that it would bring together the living and the dead.
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Your parents were much happier to hear that they were up in the social ladder now than that they were to hear that you had come back. Lord and Lady MacTavish also could not care less - as long as they got money, they would be set.
It is not like life with Johnny was bad. Not at all, actually. You had fun with him, and he was someone you feel comfortable with. He is so trustworthy, funny, and nice. It truly could have been so much worse.
The years pass, new people coming to the town, other people leaving. Babies are being born and elderly people are passing away. You aren't scared of death anymore - you have lived in it, you have loved in it.
Marriage to Johnny is like marrying a best friend. Both you and Johnny found out quite early on that you did love each other, yet more like friends or family instead of lovers. Not that you thought the other was ugly, mean, or uninteresting. It was just platonic, but to be quite honest, you did not mind.
You could be on the street, or worse, married to a horrible person. Lucky for you, you are 'stuck' with Johnny. Every single day felt refreshing, always going on trips or eating a delicious dinner. Your mother and father barely came to visit, saying they were much too busy with their new way of life. Lord and Lady MacTavish were also not seen very often, always far away, enjoying the money they now had.
Years seem to fly by.
The older you get, the faster time goes.
Your body is becoming weaker, the people around you have left, and the house feels much too big for only two people. It is winter now, and sickness is going around, a sickness that had also gotten the better of Johnny.
You sat by his side, his body covered with endless blankets, coughs coming from him ever so often.
"You are burning up," you mumble, your hand on his forehead.
He does not respond, only looking at the ceiling before finally turning his head to you. This is the most movement he has gone through this entire week. Johnny stays quiet for a moment, blinking slowly before licking his lips.
"Is the afterlife scary?"
"No," you softly say, taking hold of his hand, "It is fun, free, careless. You will have your own place, and you can have endless drinks at the bar. It is colourful and bright."
He hums, his hand softly squeezing yours as he looks past you.
"I think I would like to go there."
Your breath hitches in your throat, tears burning in your eyes as you look at him, bringing your other hand to his cheek.
"You do?"
Nothing but a hum yet again, his eyes looking past you.
"Y/N?"
"Yes?"
"Will you find me there?"
You nod, pressing a kiss to his hand.
"I will."
"Can you promise me something?"
Your heart feels heavy.
"Anything."
"After you find me... Also find Simon. That one man from years ago," he whispers, coughing, "If it... If it truly is as you said, then please, find him. Live the life you couldn't live now."
"Johnny," a tear falls down your cheek, "You are acting as if my life with you was not good."
"Oh, lass, we had a wonderful life. But the afterlife you describe... It is your second chance. Take it, please."
One last promise you make to him. Through sickness, through health, till death do you part.
"I promise you, Johnny. I love you so."
"And I love you."
After one last breath, one last blink, he leaves you. Leaves you behind as you did that one night, though you know he will not come back. More tears fall down your cheeks as you press a soft kiss to his forehead. Another friend lost.
You then spent months alone. No visitors, no Johnny, no parents.
It was weird.
The world seems so grey, so bleak, so colourless. There is nothing for you here. You eat just to eat, you read just to read. Everything seems meaningless. Another night where you go to sleep in a cold bed.
But this time, when you wake up, you feel different.
Your bones don't hurt, your limbs don't feel heavy, your hair doesn't feel brittle. Instead, you feel lively, weightless, free.
"A new arrival!"
Is the time finally here?
You open your eyes, the lights very bright, and you nearly can not believe what you see. It's the bar, the people, the music, the drinks.
"Wait..."
You quickly turn around, coming eye to eye with Johnny.
"Lass?"
You nod slowly, a smile forming on your face as you fling your arms around him.
"Oh, Johnny!" You pull away from him for a second, your hands on his cheeks, "I can't believe it! Oh, you look so young."
He does not nearly look the same as when you last saw him. His skin isn't wrinkly, his eyes are bright, and he has the same silly haircut.
"Says you," he grins, holding out his cup to you, "You look as mighty as ever."
You look at his cup and back at him. You are actually here. But, if you are... Is Simon here as well? Johnny still has a smile on his face, taking a swig from his beer. He knows what, or rather who, you are looking for.
"Go on," he nods his head to the exit, "We will have eternity to celebrate that you're here. Go, we can talk later."
You press a kiss to his cheek, nodding as you lift up the bottom of your skirt, walking up the stairs that lead to the outside of the bar. You are met with a mirror, right next to the door. You look so much younger, almost as if no time had passed. Dressed in a nightgown, your hair done up, looking youthful as ever. The age when you first got here, gone back in time, just like Johnny.
The roads, the coffins, the lights - all are exactly as you remember them being. You have dreamt of taking this exact walk dozens of times, clenching onto the dogtags that you had yet to take off. Now, you actually walk there, the tags tight in your hand. A left here, straight, and then...
You are so absorbed by your own thoughts that you do not register the person in front of you. You yelp, nearly falling over, but catching yourself by holding onto a crate.
"Oh, sorry! I wasn't looking where I was going!"
"Y/N?"
You look up, you know that voice...
"Price?"
"I can't believe it!" He laughs, pulling you to him to give you a big hug, "You are here! Oh my god, wait until Simon hears about this. You are going to give him a heart attack!"
"Where is he?"
"At home," he backs off, nodding his head into the direction of the house, "Hasn't been out too much. Kept his mask back on, been in a real mood for a while. You know, he never got over you."
He still thinks of you?
"Neither have I," you whisper, looking up at the man.
"Oh, I know," he only shrugs, "Johnny and I have become well acquainted over these months. Sadly haven't been able to really talk to Simon too much, but I think that might change."
The two of you continue your way, only a few doors away from the love of your afterlife. What if he doesn't want to see you? What if you are not like how he expected? Maybe he does not wish for a life with you.
"Don't worry your little head, Y/N," Price whispers, stopping at the door, "I will leave you be. Come by the bar later?"
You nod, sending him a smile as he leaves you alone at the door. What now? Do you knock? You feel nervous, yet you don't feel the pounding of your heart or the sweat in your hands. You are excited, though you can't feel the butterflies in your stomach.
A soft knock on the door.
Was it not hard enough? What if he isn't home? What if he didn't hear? What if he acts like he doesn't hear so he doesn't have to answer-
"Price, I told ya, I don't want to go to the-" the door gets ripped open, revealing the masked man you have thought about each and every day, "pub."
"We don't have to if you don't wish to, Simon."
"Wh... Is that you?"
He grips your cheeks tightly, scared that if he lets go, you will disappear. His eyes scan your face, the rest of his face hidden behind the skull mask he wore when you met him. You nod as much as you can, but the tight grip barely allows for you to move. Within a second, you are in his arms, his arms around you and his head on top of yours. Even if you wanted to, you could never get out of this embrace.
"I can't believe it. You are here."
"I am here," you confirm.
"I have waited each and every day. Price told me your husband came here before you did."
You nod.
"He did. But he made me promise him something."
What did he promise? Should Simon be scared? Are you only here to say hello, only to never see him again?
"He wants me to have a second chance. To life my... afterlife, the way it was intended. With you."
He slowly lets go, looking down at you with big eyes. His tags still around your neck and you looking like an angel. Is this real? Someone, pinch him, though it will not work.
"With me?"
"Johnny and I were friends. Best friends, even," you whisper, holding onto Simon his hands, "He told me to find you, Simon. And, if you will have me, I would want to spend this eternity with you."
That is all that he has ever wanted to hear.
So, he gets down on one knee.
"Death made us part, but now brought us together," he kisses your knuckles, "May I ask you to be my wife, for now until forever?"
One hell of a way to ask you to marry him.
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seeminglydark · 4 months
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1. would caro and john be into the tv show, the x-files? would they buy tapes of the episodes and talk about their own conspiracies and guess about the outcomes of the episodes.
2. also your comic has help peak my interest for the supernatural and conspiracy theories. what are some stories or theories that you’ve learned about that you have found the most interesting? and were you a believer before starting your comics or has your interest grown as you’ve continued with your comics.
3.lastly, i’m trying to buy more secondhand items and become the diy punk that i’ve aspired to be since high school (too afraid since i was a closeted trans man and living with an unaccepting family), any tips?
i, like john, try to stay away from modern tech as much as i can. i’m able to stay off my phone for the most part and rarely use my computer but i’ve been looking around and audiobooks on cassette are kinda expensive around me so i like to narrate book as i read them in paperback. i was wondering if canonically john uses resources such as the library and what his favorite books and movies are. i love horror and am just now getting into sci-fi and i love watching movies on my vcr + tv combo and i sometimes use a blu-ray player for more rare or expensive (at least in vhs format) movies.
sorry for the long winded paragraph, i’m unfortunately unable to escape my strict household (despite being an adult) until i find a job and am able to save every cent. i also tend to isolate myself so i have no friends to help me out. sorry to vent to you about this but i just wanted to end this by saying your comic and characters inspire me and give me hope that i’ll be okay once i’m free.
YES. John is obsessed with x-files. every once in a while you can see he has the iconic 'i want to believe' poster in his younger years on his walls. He still has it as an adult. both caro and john like watching those together, they also enjoy the twilight zone, charmed, Buffy (they they agree the corny movie from '92 is the best) and those old Bruce Campbell shows noones heard of, re: Brisco County Jr. I think as kids they theorize, and as adults they talk about everything everyone gets wrong, now that they know how these things really work. John can always guess WhoDunnit.
Ive always been interested in the idea of the supernatural. im a big skeptic though, ill be honest there, even though ive had many 'experiences' myself. i kinda like the idea of the unbelievable. definitely making the comics has peaked my interest in things i wasn't too keenly aware of before, like cryptids. im fascinated by the concept of Missing 411, and missing people who reappear somewhere else, but Liminal Spaces hold my heart specifically. ive always been keenly aware of the off feeling in those places before i even knew what that meant. i love scouring the internet for images of things like abandoned hotels that give me a weird kind of uneasy, most of the things people tag as Liminal aren't really that, so its a scavenger hunt to find something that fits my idea of it. coming up with the lore of my stories has been an adventure. my interest has definitely grown, more in places and phenomenon than in ghosts specifically.
there are so mnay things you can do to diy punk stuff, in my opinion thats the best and most rewarding way. it sounds to me that you need to start small and slow for your safety, so let me reassure you right here anon, that punk is a set of ideals, and not just fashion. youre still punk no matter what youre wearing. a jacket or vest is always a good place to start, you can literally buy ANYTHING at the thift store that strikes your fancy. this is a canvas you will be adding too for as long as its yours. once you have your canvas, its time to create, and there is literally no wrong way to do this. you can use paint markers, embroidery, bleach, ect. dont have money for spikes and studs? you can use soda can tabs and bend them, metal lighter caps, hell even staples and safety pins always look cool. you can make your own badges by bending metal soda or beer caps around a soda tab with a safety pin through it and then paint whatever you want on the cap. dental floss is what you usually see when punks have the white stitching on their pants and jackets, its durable and doesn't break, since crust and gutter punks need tough clothes that last. if you're worried about your family, i would personalize it first in small secret ways that are just for you, such as a message beneath your collar as seen here on my friends jacket. and here, and here! he hides patches on the inside as well! Im including a pic of john hiding a patch on caros varsity jacket as well. i will post my jackets one day, my camera is broken but i figured id share his since he hides things more than i do!
John absolutely uses the library, its a fantastic resource for SO many things, depending on where you're located. He would also probably use a digital reader later, because many of them you can get library cards on and borrow books that way. he is not a strong reader so he mostly reads books that may be under his age level, like goosebumps, but who cares, do what you enjoy. movie wise hes very obsessed with cosmic horror (hence the UFO tattoo) his favorites are Alien, The Thing, Killer Klowns from Outer Space and the Blob from the 80s. both he and Caro love the original Evil Dead franchise, horror comedy like American Werewolf in London, lost boys, etc.
Thank you, Anon, for the long winded paragraph. You asked some really fun questions for me to answer, i love nothing more than to talk about my characters, it was a really nice little break from editing a new podcast episode. I am so so sorry about your situation, and i am sending you all the best and all the love and strength that you can come out of this free and on the other side and live as yourself. If my comics and characters stories can provide a tiny bit of hope that its going to be ok, than ive succeeded at what i set out to do. wishing you all the best. and look into your library, they may have resources to help you with this as well.
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manyblinkinglights · 1 month
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anytaur quarstion
Sorry im doing this thru a submission instead of an ask bc i want bigger text limit and also to insert images... clarity and allat. i hope thats ok...
Recently i got an actuual headset for vrc so that i could Physically Become the Beast of my Dreams. your rig is everything to me and makes me so so happy. ive wanted this forever. i cant thank you enough for this. main thing im having to fiddle with now in specific is forefoot pickup! didn't make much sense to bother with it back when i was desktop only but having tried it now with actual real hands, the whimsy is impeccable. hands still feel a bit weird though, and im almost certain i messed with something i shouldnt have in trying to set it up, so I thought it might make sense to ask you abt it considering you designed the system and probably have more insight! I'd try for figuring it out myself thru trial and error, but i am very new to vr and having to go in and out to tweak and rebuild avatar versions seems disastrously tiring. and i dont think i'd have much luck trying to fiddle with unity through a vr virtual desktop @~@ time is money....i miss unemployment...so I hoped this could expedite some of that trial+error+rebuilding time. maybe. god. longass preamble over.
point being: in the recent (~6mo ago...) setup videos you did, i feel like the "A" pose you got for your sample models is generally more "A" shaped than what my beast has procured. This may be on account of my beast being quite lanky and having long as hell forearms and quite short shoulders and upper arms. in addition, by default, just moving them down on the global y axis like on the script instructions, the SenseHand receivers end up in a weird position compared to the paws, atleast based on what i think i am picking up from the script instructions. image below.
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please ignore the shit ass weight painting/distortion for the paw im new to doing 3d models, im honestly just impressed this thing exists at all.
anyways in the image (front isometric) the right paw (viewer's right not model's right) is set to the values you recommend in your setup video, and the other one is unchanged from default rotation just as a baseline i guess.
Anyways my real question boils down to: what might you recommend to focus on in tweaking forefoot pickup? would rotating thigh and/or shin pickups to better match an "A" pose make sense? Should I move the SenseHands on X axis to be more better "Held" like it says in the instructions? is it ok if the sensehands fall into the floor from "A" pose?
regardless, thank you for your time, dedication, and willingness to share both. this project has been living rent free in my brain ever since i first saw the vrc horse speedrun on youtube (exactly what i had been looking for after god knows how long looking around) and desperately checked your youtube page to see what else you'd been up to. i think that was around or just before when the LittleKitty port video was recent or new, so it's stuck with me for atleast 2 years and i hope to still interface with this rig for many more years to come! please dont feel pressured to a response either lol, i understand if you dont really have a good suggestion or answer. im sorry if i overwhelm you with wall of text. here is an image of the beast in action to hopefully warm the spirits MUCH LOVE!
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