aristaeuus

[orcelito]

goal: Be Less Aggravated by the time dnd starts

[bruisedboys]

I’d love to see candy cane ❛ wow i really can’t speak, huh? must be because of how pretty you look. ❜ IT’S SO JAMES CODED OMG

also congratulations on 6k you deserve it so much!!

omg it is sooo james coded!!! also this is funny bc a while ago my bff aerial did this exact prompt with james for a request I sent in! great minds think alike I guess

james potter x fem!reader

James is bombarded with your loveliness the moment he walks in the door.

“Jamie!” You beam at him from where you’re folding laundry on the living room floor. You roll up a pair of his socks before scrambling to your feet to meet him. “Hello, honey. How was work?”

You throw yourself at him in a clumsy but no less affectionate hug. James takes the brunt of your weight happily, his hands folding around your waist.

“Hello,” he says back, a little dazed. You smell lovely. His hands skim over the strip of bare skin on your back, where your top rides up. You’re warm under his palms. “It, um. It was good.”

You pull back, still positively beaming. James blinks at you. You’re so pretty and so clearly ecstatic to seem him. He could die.

“Yeah?” You ask him, head tilting slightly to the side. James thinks you resemble a puppy, a little bit. “That’s good. Are you hungry, baby? ‘Cos I haven’t started on dinner yet, but I can get it going now, if—“

“Sweetheart.” James stops your sweet rambling, and brings a hand to your jaw. “I’m okay. I’ll eat whenever you’re ready, yeah?”

You nod. “Okay. You’re sure you’re not hungry?”

James does his best to smile at you, but it’s hard when you’re being so lovely and all he really wants is to kiss you silly. “Yes. I’m sure, bub. Let me help you with the laundry?”

You let him help you, albeit grudgingly. You both sit on the floor and sort things into piles. James notices, with not much surprise, that your folding is much neater than his. You’re chatting away to him, and he’s listening, he swears he is, but he’s so distracted by how achingly lovely you are that it’s hard to pay attention.

When you’re done you crawl across the piles to sit closer to him, crossing your legs so your knees press into his. You put your hand on James’ thigh and he feels starstruck.

“So, for dinner,” you start conversationally, like you’re not being the loveliest most captivating girl he’s ever met right now. “I was thinking mac ‘n’ cheese? There’s lots of pasta in the cupboard for it. Or we could do tomato soup, or just takeout if you want. Whatever you like, Jamie.”

And you push your hand further up his thigh, and smile this awful smile that makes James’ heart race, makes his palms sweat and his head swim.

“I— okay. Um. Uh, um.” What were you talking about again? He thinks you might have mentioned pasta. “Pasta is good, I think?”

You give him a half bewildered, half amused look. “James, what?” You say, giggling a bit. You bring your hand to his cheek and he hopes he’s not as boiling hot as he thinks he is. “Are you okay?”

James shakes his head from side to side as if to clear it. “I’m fine, it’s— I’m just. You’re—“ And he literally has to stop talking, because the way you’re looking at him is tying his tongue in knots. How do you expect him to be able to function properly when you’re being so lovely? When you’re touching his cheek and sitting so close, asking him what he wants for dinner and looking at him like he’s made of starlight. He puffs out a big breath, hot in the face.

“Wow, I really can’t speak, huh?” He admits, totally embarrassed but also totally past caring. “Must be because of how pretty you look.”

The spell breaks. You rolls your eyes and huff at him, good natured. “James,” you groan.

“What?” James laughs and takes your hand from his cheek, lacing his fingers with yours. “I’m serious. You’re messing me up, sweet thing.”

You squint at him, like you’re trying to figure out if he’s being serious or not. Your must realise he’s totally and completely serious, because you wrinkle your nose at him.

“Ugh.” You say, and unfold yourself to stand up.“You’re impossible.”

James gawks up at you. “I’m impossible? You’re the one bewitching me like some sort of evil witch woman.”

You giggle and flounce off, saying something about putting the pasta on to boil. James is left to sit there wondering if you really have put him under a spell. He sure feels like it.

[selineram3421]

Hey? I just found your account and absolutely love it!

When you write with Alastor I always get this vibe from him:

And absolutely love for it 😭🥰

Oh my god.

Matched Search History

Prologue

Alastor X Writer Reader

Warnings⚠

⚠ Human AU, serial killer stuff so expect murder or mentions of it, oh and blood/gore, cussing, all caps for screeching/yelling, italics=thoughts, mentions of death, slight introvert reader ⚠

It wasn't your idea but your friend's.

There was a website that matched you with someone that had similar search history.

Currently, both of you were in the cafe with coffee and snacks, sitting at a two person table and having the usual friend hangout until she brought it up.

"Isn't that...a breach of privacy? How is this allowed?", you asked concerned.

"They only get what you give them! Like a questionnaire thing. You put down what you search and they set you up with someone!", she says and shows you the site on her phone.

"This is shady as fuck.", you say.

"Ok, maybe a little bit but you put what you want shared!", she smiles. "I mean you can meet another writer or someone who is super hot!"

Honestly you didn't know what to think of it, but maybe you could give it a shot.

I mean what's the worse that could happen? Haha..

"Ok..", you sighed and gave her the go to for making your account.

"Yay!", she squealed and started up a new profile. "Ok, so name, age, occupation..", she started typing furiously.

Once the basics were set up, she passed the phone to you to fill out the questionnaire.

At Matched Search History we only share what you give us! Any information you put into the system will be coded to find your Search History Partner, any other information you add in will also be added but stored away privately.

Please be aware that if any home address is added in the BIO or in MESSAGES it will be made public.

Yup. Shady shit right here. You thought and kept reading.

What do you search the most?

Answer: _______

You snort and type out murder techniques and first aid.

I'm definitely on the FBI list. You smile.

After taking care of the first one, you put down recipes, art and art history, science, little things like radio technology and other in depth research. You also make sure to put down cats.

"Here.", you hand the phone back.

"Wow that's a lot.", your friend scrolls down your list.

"What did you expect? I do a lot of searching on my laptop for the littlest things.", you shrug.

"Yeah, should have expected that.", she nods and looks through her photo album in her phone.

Leaning on the table, you look as she scrolls for the perfect photo.

"Which one are you gonna pick?", you ask and take a sip of your coffee.

"That cute one where you're hugging a cat.", your friend replies.

"Nah. Put the Halloween one."

She stops scrolling to look you dead in the eye, only to see your smug grin.

"No."

"Aw what? Come on!", you whine. "It'll be funny!"

"No! You're covered in fake blood!", she rejects the idea.

"But think of it! It would be fucking hilarious.", you nudge her arm.

"No and that's final! I'm putting this one!", she says and adds a photo without looking.

.

You honestly forgot about the account you both made until you got a bunch of emails about the website finding your match. You ignored most of them as they didn't go over 70%, that was until you saw the one you got today.

"What?", you asked with a mouth stuffed with noodles, being in the middle of eating lunch.

Picking up your phone, you check the email and feel your eyes widen.

You immediately called your friend.

"DUDE!"

"What?", she asks.

"THERE'S A HOT GUY WHO MATCHED 98% WITH ME!! WHAT DO I DO!?!?"

"Send me his pic! Duh!", she replies.

You take a screenshot of his profile picture and send it over.

"HOLY SHIT! I KNOW WHO THAT IS!!!"

"Who is it?", you ask.

"Don't you listen to his podcasts!?", your friend screeches. "He's the hot voice talking about murder mysteries and other creepy shit! You always listen to him while writing!"

"Huh, so this is him?", you ask. "How do you know? You hate hearing creepy stuff."

"I got bored one day.", she says.

Understandable. You thought. "Ok but back onto the topic. WHAT DO I DO!?"

"Send that love message to meet up!", she replied.

You deadpanned.

I have to go outside? I mean it wouldn't be bad if we went to a cafe or library. Maybe a bookstore... You thought.

"Fine. Since we already know his face he won't be able to run far if anything happens.", you said, making up your decision.

"Geez, don't talk like you're about to die.", your friend groaned.

"What? It's true.", you say. "Statistically, women are more likely to get killed on a date. Which doesn't rule out males but it does happen."

"UGH! Send me pics of what you're going to wear already!", she demanded.

.

You sat on a bench near a bus stop, messaging your friend. It was the best location for you to wait, there were multiple people around and restaurants with cameras.

Not gonna find out my address~ You sang in your head as you messaged your "match" that you had arrived.

You messaged him a brief description of your features and what you were wearing, so that way he wouldn't go around like a headless chicken trying to look for you.

Just in case things went south, you had a back up outfit to change into.

As you waited, a sudden thought came up.

Why was he on the dating site MSH? You wondered. Maybe his friend also pressured him to make a profile or someone else.

Then another thought.

What if it isn't him and someone just used a random photo they found to put up? You frowned at that. I hope that's not the case. That would be very annoying to deal with.

"Now, I hope that I'm not the reason my date is wearing a frown."

Turning your head to see who had decided to approach you, you saw a familiar face and warm reddish copper eyes. He was dressed very nicely, white button up long sleeve, dark red knit sweater vest, black pants, and black looking dress shoes.

"I'm Alastor.", he smiled. "And you are my date for this evening, yes?"

Damn it. You thought, trying to keep a straight face. He looks like a bookish nerd and that is definitely my type.

You stood up from the bench and gave a smile back.

"Nice to meet you.", you greeted and then introduced yourself.

Thank you for bringing this to me. I have read this post but forgot about it until you brought it back.

~Seline, the person.

Taglist@

@c4rved-pumpk1n @scary-noodlesblog @stolas-thebirb @naelys-the-aster @biromanticboba @lbcreations-blog @ducky-died-inside @kiraisastay @pooplyface1423 @line-viper @117s-girl @spiderlegsling @alastorsgoldie @kcsketches @lofasofabread @kotaleee @im-coolrat @superzombiewho @speckle-meow-meow @jammcookie @dilucragnvindr-my-beloved @trashbin-nie @koioli @fatherlesschild2 @mmik3yy @just-here-reading @nealeart @hudiexiaoying @crystal-multiplefandomlover @glowinggoldfish0 @tiredgamerhere @fluffy-koalala @valenfawkes @willowshadenox @aria-tempest @alastor-simp @nonetheartist @gallantys @i-3at-kidz @luxky-aish @ceafighter @xalygatorx @xangel-8 @big-brother-problems @mistpurpl3 @chewbrry @willowbrookhoot @briethekitsune @alastorthirsty @sir-aadiboii @fuzzyturtlepaws @+?

ML II for Alastor🎙

[ronance4everbrainrot]

Moooore descendants 4 incorrect quotes with Glassheart/CharmingHeart (they back)

(and other ships)

Red: Sometimes I get so caught up on being gay that I forget I’m actually bi.

(Girl. Same)

---

Maddox: Man, I’m gonna get fat if you keep feeding me all these chips and junk!

Red: I’M NOT! I was eating them and you took them.

Maddox: You said I should try some!

Red: I said they were good.

Maddox: That’s not how I heard it.

(MADDOX! HIIIII! SOME LOVE FOR YOU TOO BUDDY!)

---

Red: Tomorrow’s the Cooking Contest. Maddox always tells me one thing every year. They say, “You might win if you’d stop eating your entry!” But how would I know whether it’s an award-winning dish without tasting it first? This may be a problem humanity will have to grapple with for eternity.

(AU. Red is a good cook)

---

Chloe: So how’s the food Red made?

Cinderella: It's great! Compliments to them.

Chloe: *goes to the kitchen*

Chloe: You're adorable.

Red: *blushes*

(again. Red is a good cook. She invites the Charmings for dinner and then asks them for their blessing when Chloe leaves)

---

Chad: we could make a boys club!

Maddox: Im non-binary.

Chad:

Chad: Anti-girls club.

(Slay. Also can't decide if Maddox should be green or purple. Maybe even orange but I chose green for now. Will change later if I'm in the mood)

---

Red: Can you PLEASE peer pressure me into doing my project?

Chloe: Do it or you're straight.

Red: I said peer pressure, NOT THREATEN!

(That's too far, Chloe! Are you mad?!)

---

Chloe: Operation no more distractions is a go!

*not even 10 seconds later*

Chloe: Oh, look! A butterfly!

(She's either laser focused or cannot concentrate at all)

---

Red: *clicks pen*

Maddox: *clicks pen in response*

Queen of Hearts: Stop that.

Red: Stop what?

Queen of Hearts: You’re talking about me in Morse code!

Red: Yes, that’s what we doing. In our very limited time, we took a class on a very outdated, very unnecessary form of communication just so we could talk about you in front of you. Congrats, you figured us out!

*later*

Red, to Chloe: That’s actually exactly what we were doing.

(I'm surprised you kept your Head. And they absolutely did learn that because they had nothing else they could do)

---

Chloe: Come on, Chad. Nobody actually believes that Red is in love with me.

Chad, to The Squad: Raise your hand if you think that Red is helplessly in love with Chloe.

*Everyone raises their hand*

Chloe: Red, put your hand down.

(*raises hand* what more evidence do you need??)

---

Chloe: The salary of a clown is 51,000 dollars.

Chloe, gesturing to Chad and Red fighting: And yet these idiots do it daily, and for free!

---

Red: When I first got my autism diagnosis, my first thought was “woah… it’s canon” and I think that maybe thoughts like that is why Chloe made me get tested.

(It is canon now. Headcanon)

---

Chloe: Anything else?

Red: Yeah. Stay away from me!

Chloe: Alright. See you in the room we share

(Literally them. Canon. can also be switched)

---

Queen of Hearts: If looking good was a crime, you’d be a law abiding citizen.

(rather that and not off with my head)

---

Queen of Hearts: We are gathered here today because someone- *glares at Red’s coffin* -couldn’t stay alive!

(Oop-. Damn. She would care more tho. I think..)

---

Queen of Hearts: So you're looking for information on this thing, huh? Well, I feel like it must be from far away.

Mal: What makes you say that?

Queen of Hearts: If it's something even I don't know about, then I'm sure nobody else must have a clue. So it's gotta be from some faraway place. Impeccable reasoning, isn't it?

Mal: Your Majesty.. You don't have a clue about this thing, do you?

Queen of Hearts: *screams in anger*

(Just a meeting between two Queens ✨. Canon

---

Queen of Hearts: Standing next to sunflowers always makes me feel weak like ‘look at this fucking flower. This flower is taller than I am. This flower is winning and I’m losing.’

Maddox: Wow, you are not ready to hear about trees.

(ssSSHHhhH. Not so loud. Don't want you to lose your head. Canon tho)

---

Red: I’m terrible at expressing myself.

Uma: Don’t worry, actions speak louder than words.

Red: Yes, but my actions are also bad.

(Girl same. Getting advice from the principal ✨ she probably did something 👀)

---

Queen of Hearts: God has let me live another day and I'm going to make it everyone's problem.

(She for real does make it everyone's problem)

---

Hope you liked it!

Wanted to add more but then it would have been too long.

So the next one has more of the OGs

Byeeee

[crownmemes]

Questioning Sentences, Vol. 28

(Questioning sentences from various sources to ask all kinds of muses. Adjust phrasing where needed)

"Have you any idea how ridiculous you sound?"

"Wow! Is this yours?"

"Why did I have to come alone? Are you in love with me?"

"Why do I get a feeling that no isn't an option here?"

"Were you born heartless or did the job make you like this?"

"I'm competing for your attention again, aren't I?"

"Surely it's worth sacrificing a little privacy to feel safe?"

"Why did you marry me?"

"Is that what you think? That I'm in control of this thing?"

"Don't you like parties?"

"How do I know you're not bluffing?"

"I don't believe we've been formally introduced?"

"When's your birthday?"

"Maybe you should tell me what's bothering you?"

"Hey! What say after dinner we go into town? "

"Are you reading my mind again?"

"Is there not going to be a wedding?"

"How can your whole world change, but the neighbourhood you grew up in stays just as you left it?"

"If I help you, then you help me, right?"

"Since when did you have the right to spy on me?"

"Do you find it hard to do your duty?"

"Did you confuse compulsion for freedom?"

"Do you want to sit on the sideline and watch, or do you want to play ball?"

"To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?"

"Did you know that the government uses psychics?"

"Who are you? I've seen you someplace before."

"I'm a little swamped right now. Can we do lunch another time?"

"Please, just give me a chance?"

"Is this where you warn me that this town isn't big enough for the both of us?"

"What's wrong with you? Have you got a death wish?"

"Can we just enjoy each other's company for a little while?"

"Did you think you could just go on and never once have to look back?"

"Are you like this with all your women?"

"Is it true you were in love with him for years?"

"Did you just colour code the teabags?"

"What's the point in birdwatching if all the birds I want to watch are missing in action?"

"Do you want to say it first or should I?"

"Have you never wondered? Have you never tried to find out?"

"If you don't want to talk about it, why don't you write about it instead?"

"Your daughter, I suppose she talks and eats and everything?"

"I thought you were sleeping?"

"You must be a stone-cold killer, huh?"

"You have barely looked me in the eye. What are you concealing?"

"Have the police been to see you?"

"Promise you'll take me with you?"

"You ever been in some place you couldn't leave but you couldn't stay, both at the same time?"

"What is your opinion of me anyhow?"

[asukaskerian]

Battlefield Terra is one of those works that just...changed my brain chemistry for so many reasons. I still go back and read it and think about it. This isnt an ask to return to it (though wouldn't be upset) but just to like thank you for putting the amount of it that you did out there

.__. *squish squish* thank you.

i cannot REMEMBER for the life of me if i ever posted any of the scene bits i had written in the chapter i never completed. first scene is actually one i love a lot, but then the battle scene was overtly complex and too long and had required so many rewrites and nothing worked. hghghhg.

but. anyway. this is the scene with the fallout from the "oh shit i kissed the alien am I GAY after all?????? oh fucking hell why did i notice JUST AT THE SAME TIME AS I NOTICE HOW MUCH HE'S NEVER GONNA *DECIDE NOT TO GO HOME* vfbndjh gnx;"

--

"And this is why it never pays to be stingy with technology," Jane said philosophically from the bucket seat next to John.

Strapped in like a sausage in its skin, John still managed to turn his helmet and grin at his sister. "Aw, come on, you didn't want the industry to cut into its profit margin, did you."

In the corner of his -- of all the pilots' -- glasses was an explosion of Spanish and Chinese sentences, nonsensical words, and Roxy-worthy typos.

The industry thing was mostly a joke; the think-typing-thoughts interface had first been developed for quadriplegics and amputees, and outside of hardcore nerds and professionals whose job required they be able to code very fast, people still preferred using their actual hands. One good reason for it: at the level of miniaturization necessary to put the brain sensors into glasses, it was new enough to still be expensive.

The new communication hub was a complete mess of hundreds of people trying it on for the first time, and it was hilarious.

"--Wow, hey, I know what that guy is doing! Oh my god, it's excellent, he's trying to think in sign language." Roxy giggled, tried to kick her feet only they were also strapped in. The craft was still accelerating, after all. Bleh. "Only then he has to transcribe into English, and he's doing it super literally! Hehehe."

Jane perked up a little. "Huh! No wonder the grammar was odd."

ID28YB: holy shit were all guna die in space aaaa

ID28YB: on the upside italics!

ID17NC: fuck how do you backspace backspacebacmlnpi

ID13JA: SARGANT MY CAPCLOSK IS FUCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ID01JA: Like shit it is, PrivatE.

ID01JA: DamN.

ID98NZ: fifty Nine bottles of beer ON THE WALL, take one DOWN pass itaround FIftynIneBOTTLES on Thewall!!!!!

"I'll be so glad when they lock it down to emergency communications again," Jade said from John's other side, and sighed.

"At least the bosses forbid them to use colors," John said, trying for consoling. (He kind of failed, mostly because he was snickering.)

Jake chuckled from his seat at the end of the line, on Jade's other side, but didn't add anything. He hadn't really been talking much ever since they took off, and since they couldn't lean out of their seats it was really hard to see what face he was making. John wondered if he was worried about --

Of course he was worried. And if John thought about all the reasons why, he was going to start to fret too. His stomach was already in a knot behind the adrenaline grin, no need to double down on it.

"Hey Jake," he threw out, with no idea what kind of light-conversation topic he was going to pull out. "D'you think--"

"Say, chaps, I think I feel lighter!" Jake interrupted.

"Huh, yeah, maybe?" John tried to bounce his leg and wasn't sure if there was a difference yet. It was hard to feel the lessening weight of his body when it was such a knot of anticipation already, and when he couldn't move. "Wow. Are we reaching cruising speed already? There was no announcement--"

The door opened and Corporal Vantas stepped through.

(Not Karkat. There was a difference.)

"Woohoo, you clean up nice!" Roxy said with a whistle as he stalked closer in his alien boots and his space-black flight suit, head bare but for the jarringly pink headset nestled against his horns. John noticed all over again that his skin was slate gray, that his eyes were violently red and yellow.

That he moved through the heavy gravity of the rocket's push like it wasn't even there, when John himself -- at least at first -- would have wobbled.

"What mean -- no, I don't care."

He sat beside Jake in the free seat at the end that should have gone to Dirk, and disappeared from John's view, what with the helmets and the protruding edges of the bucket seats. John swallowed and put a smile on his face, even though no one was going to see him. For a second he had thought Karkat was coming toward him. Haha, silly.

"No more talk with the Generals, Karkat?" Jane asked, tone forcefully light.

"Mm. No."

"Talk with us now? Do you have anything important to say or just hanging out?"

John's eyes flitted over the logs on his glasses, the higher ranks starting to organize to separate the chatter by platoons. It was still mostly banter and bad jokes.

"...Hanging out? Yes. Hanging out. Here, not... other here. I'm Corporal not General, it's not fucking right I'm with them."

It was the exact same tone the Marines John knew used when they got offended when their chain of command got dumbass ideas. Heh.

Maybe a little hesitation. Maybe just the translation issues.

JH: haha, you guys *wish* you could type in colors!

ID28YB: if by colors u mean rainbow fruity goodness then sure :(

ID28YB: i wanted mauve goddamn!!

JH: maybe better that you can't have it, echidna would have had to cut you. :'(

(Urgh. He missed Rose. He wished she were well enough to fight with them today.)

Jade joined the conversation, asked Karkat about... John wasn't listening. What the politicos had told him, when he was alone with them without a translator. Stuff. Boring stuff.

Karkat's low, gravelly voice kept slipping into his ears no matter how hard he tried not to pay attention to the words. ("You talk I fall on you a lot. Maybe you want --")

Anyway when the loudspeaker in the wall started talking he was pretty glad.

"Attention troops, cruise speed has been reached. Stay seated until your immediate superior allows you to stand..."

Two clicks echoed around him, Jade and Roxy undoing their security harnesses in unison.

"Oh my god, I'm so stiff," Jade groaned. "I'm going to check on Remington, anyone wanna come with?"

"You sit still for longer stretches of time in battle," Jane pointed out as she freed herself in turn, as Jake was still fighting his clasps.

"In battle my seat is perfectly adapted to my butt!"

The girls started to file out, talking about butts, and John almost heard Dave mentioning butt massages, almost mentioned it himself but. No. That would have been wrong even if two thirds of the lot weren't family.

He thought of following them. He would just skip along, snicker and stretch his legs and tease the Marines and...

"See you guys later," he said instead, waving without looking, heart a pulsating knot in his throat. "Karkat and I have to practice the telepathy-typing thing. Well, mostly me."

He closed his eyes for a few seconds, listened to the tread of boots on the hard plastic floor.

He didn't need to look in order to know which one of them was Karkat, getting up and moving one seat down the line.

Leaving one seat empty between them. Huh. John wasn't sure how to take that one.

"Huhn. You want telepathy now?"

John winced to himself. "It's pretty much now or in the middle of battle, isn't it?"

A beat of silence, and then Karkat grunted an acknowledgement. "Mm."

"Mm," John agreed, and kept on not making a move toward his own headset. Karkat's was already in place, possibly already turned on. John just had to tap.

"Maybe we speak and then headsets," Karkat suggested.

"... Yeah, maybe that."

John made a superfluous noise of agreement, and then groaned and pushed his helmet off his head, tucked it between his feet. He took his gloves off next, dropped them inside the helmet, and then buried both hands in his hair to scratch and rub with vigorous frustration. It did not soothe him as much as he had hoped for.

"This is the worst timing," he groaned, muffled, as he curled forward until he could prop his elbows on his thighs and lace his fingers behind his head. His spine cracked.

The worst timing, and the worst thing. He wasn't sure he'd have taken it much better elsewhere, with more time to take care of the fallout. It sucked. His head was a mess just when he absolutely needed to be as perfectly in the zone as he had ever been in his entire life.

"I'm sorry," Karkat said quietly. "We do big things today. I was stupid. Even if you said oh yes good, kissing! it's other things in our head and we can't have other things in our head now. I didn't do the good thing."

John groaned quietly, face prickling with heat, and closed his eyes. "No, it's... Yeah. Yeah, okay, that wasn't -- the right time. But you... You were right. I was looking."

He hadn't managed to stop looking even once since he'd seen Karkat naked, coming out of his slime. Maybe he had even been looking before that, playing it off as fascination with Karkat's alienness. Kind of like 'haha no I just like looking at his horns because they're weird, so random amirite!' only with everything else on top of the horns, like his little bitey teeth on goth-black lips and his bare toes and the fit of his goddamn dress suit at the summit--

"So why--" Karkat fell silent, drew in a breath, and then released it in a long, hissing sigh and muttered under his breath in alienese. John couldn't even offer a guess from the tone this time around.

Why did you kiss back, he could have been asking. Why did you stop kissing. Why did you never make a move. Why did you make a move now. Why are you such an idiotic mess.

Answer was the same for all of them, anyway. "I don't know."

"Why do you not know that?!" Karkat shot back -- more incredulous than angry, but John winced anyway. "How you look at a people and don't know, and other people tell you 'yes, them' and you say 'haha, no' and you're wrong?"

"Oh, shut up!" John snapped as he threw himself back into his chair, his arms coming up to cross tight against his ribs. Even now he couldn't look toward Karkat at all, shoulders curled in and away from the other man. His stomach felt like someone was squeezing it with both hands; his face still prickled with mortification. It was awful, he wanted to get up and run just to get moving, stop having to think on it -- leave the feeling behind -- but he knew better than to think it would work. He knew better and he still wanted to try, flinching and too tense; what a shit condition for battle. Fuck. "I know, okay? I'm the most stupid jerk--"

Karkat's hand was hot even through the glove.

He tugged on John's elbow, lightly, squeezed a little.

"Zhann."

"... Sorry."

"No, I'm sorry," he said, sounding tired, and his hand fell from John's arm. "It's shit words."

John sneaked him a look; Karkat wasn't looking directly at John either, mouth pinched in discomfort, eyes dim somehow.

"Is it I'm alien and it's gross? So you don't in your head because ... haha, gross, can't be true--"

"No!" John spluttered, turning in his seat as much as he could to face him. "No, no, you being an alien is -- it is weird, but it's not bad, it's just not normal. It's... You're a guy?"

Karkat looked up at him, eyebrows furrowed. "Huhn?"

God. It figured. For all the joking about Karkat being gay that John had been doing like an asshole, he'd mentioned an old girlfriend too, and the cat girl who liked him that he didn't want to lead on, and it had never felt like she was disqualified because of boobs.

Also -- ugh, thanks Dirk and his casual beach gossipping -- Karkat thought Jade's butt was nice, and so was Mr. Strider's. So. Bisexual.

The way he looked now, baffled and not liking it, it was a little like he had never heard of someone who wasn't. Oh boy. What a mess. John raked a hand through his hair, tried to get back into explaining mode.

"It's -- we're mammals, remember? We need a boy and a girl to. To make little humans. That means normally we don't want other males, or other females, because -- there can be no babies? So a boy doesn't have a boyfriend, he has a girlfriend, and... The other way around, too. Boy and girl, yes, boy and boy no?"

"... Huhn."

"I mean. Some men like men! Dirk and Mr. Strider like men. But they knew it pretty early on. They knew when they were kids -- when they were small? -- that they were like that. And I've never." He swallowed. "I've never. Thought about a guy. Like that."

"Oh."

"And it's really weird." He gave a twitch of a shrug, looked away. "... And I don't know if it's because of the telepathy."

"Oh," Karkat said again, but this time he sounded stricken, not baffled.

John dropped a hand on Karkat's forearm across the empty seat, patted awkwardly -- wanted to squeeze or hold his wrist (or hold his hand) but that was just -- even such a short touch made his stomach twist with odd queasiness, his face flush back to maximum redness. "It's okay, buddy. I don't -- it's just. ... Don't feel bad, okay, that's stupid, I just -- it is weird, but --"

Karkat's breastbone beeped. Scowling down, he fished his tablet out of his collar, unrolled it, shook it stiff. Oh. Little countdown shown in rows of dots, going one by one from red to dark.

Five seconds to a dot, fifteen dots to a row, and how many rows... Hm. Ten minutes left before... John wasn't sure. They weren't going to be there yet in ten minutes.

"My mech. Gotta wake up, it's slow." Karkat waved a brisk hand, eyebrows furled in worry.

John closed his eyes. "Do you want to practice the mind-typing?"

"It's not want," Karkat grunted, slanting him a look. "... It's going to be bad."

"Mm."

"We need bigger time, not this," he added, tapping the tablet with the outside curve of a claw.

John tried out a dry shrug, and thought to himself that he really didn't enjoy it, that 'if you fuck this up you will have fucked everything up' feeling. Dread was for the battlefield, not for stupid interpersonal relationships. 

"Probably. We can keep working on it once we're in our mechs, too..."

Karkat snorted, replied something in alienese that had to be 'We had better.'

Yeah, okay. John just had to put his helmet back on.

"We don't have time for this crap!" he growled -- whined, if he wanted to be fair, something strangled and pleading, frustrated.

"Mnh."

John curled forward, hands cupping his temples, elbows on his knees. "Damn it. I don't -- I can't -- in ten minutes, that's too--"

There was no way he was going to be able to stop thinking about all the things he didn't want to think about, all the things -- the petty, selfish things -- he didn't want Karkat to know about.

Like the incontrovertible fact that no matter what John figured out he wanted, whatever compromises they found with each other, there was no magic button that would make Karkat stay.

He'd been in Karkat's head too much to imagine for one second he would weigh out John and the dubious safety Earth offered him against his people -- his people abused and thrown out like shark bait to be mowed down by enemies and superiors alike -- and choose John.

John was pretty sure Karkat wouldn't even choose Gamzee.

"Do you want sex." 

John flinched around and back so fast he hit his shoulder blade against one of the edges of the seat.

Karkat was looking back at him -- steady, John thought at first, but his lower eyelids were tight, his cheeks just a little dusky. The heat on John's face cooled down just barely at that.

"I ask so it's not more alien bullshit thing. It's what you want?"

"Oh my god," John protested, looking around wildly in case anyone had managed to open the sealing doors to the small room without the hiss of pneumatics warning them. "I don't know! I'm not -- I swear I'm not lying, I don't -- this is freaking me out."

"I see that, dumbass," Karkat said, but almost nicely. "You're so bad in your head, I don't know you can get that much a clusterfuck."

John groaned, slumped forward again.

"... Mouth thing, was good?"

"... Yeah."

"Touching?"

John gave a little grunt, eyes closed.

"Want where?"

"Why do you need to know?!"

There was a moment of silence like Karkat rolling his eyes, or maybe just watching him, waiting. John didn't check. 

"Zhann."

"... Horns? Maybe your hands. I kind of. Want to see your claws. We could sit close? We could--" He choked. His face prickled so hot it almost hurt. He wanted to touch Karkat's face, follow his nose with a fingertip -- he wanted Karkat to allow that, the trust and closeness it would mean.

"That's where?" Karkat grumbled, gave John a frustrated look. John tore his eyes away, ducked his head. Where had he -- when they had kissed (his mouth tingled like an echo) -- when Karkat was so close, almost on his lap, what had he --

"Your thighs," he whispered, dizzy with nerves and shame. "Inside." He clenched his knees together, hands knotted between them -- oh, Karkat's legs clamped down on his hand, all warm and snug. Muscles bunching, straining. So close to his -- his. Oh shit, John couldn't pop a boner inside his flight suit, not while Karkat was watching, while they were hashing out how much of a total clusterfuck this was going to be.

There was silence for too long -- three seconds, ten, every single one tightening his shoulders, knotting his guts worse, nausea and heat mingling dizzyingly.

"... Put your head thing on, Zhann."

John groaned out loud. "Are you kidding me, I will die. I don't want you to -- there's too much, it's. We can't!"

But when he glanced at the tablet still across Karkat's lap they were down to the last two rows of dots and it was now or never. More accurately, now or on the battlefield when they were supposed to coordinate two forces that had never fought together against ... however many of those aliens who wouldn't have followed some random high-ranked asshole from nowhere into open rebellion.

He shoved the helmet down before he could think about it twice. It felt too tight, like he was going to strangle, to be crushed.

Karkat felt too close; an empty seat between them and John still remembered him in Excalibur's cockpit, how easy it would have been to slip on his lap and kiss and--

(Yeah okay definitely sexual there) flitted through his mind from Karkat, alongside ... surprise, oh wow, so violent, stop feeling, not the end of the world --

John flashed back to his previous thought -- sitting next to each other and his hand trapped between strong thighs and oh shit he was getting hard, no, no --

(hand pushing higher) echoed back briefly, edged with curiosity, a spark of -- Karkat shook his head, slapped his own hands down onto his knees, hard enough to sting. John startled. "Okay!" Karkat said, staring straight ahead.

He was maybe smiling a little.

Okay yes we need to talk later I don't fuck and run (do you?)

John spluttered. "How would I know!" I've never/and run where anyway we're on an island!

Take your mech, zip off? (laughter) (mister space pilot, so locked in.) Wait, never? How old-- oh right no one around only older adults and your tangleclan/friends and you can't with half of them because blah blah mammals (and not boys? Why not boys. Aliens what the fuck.)

John groaned again, hands on his helmet since he couldn't get to his face. Could have Rose or Roxy! Roxy was my first kiss! (haha sloppy-alright-nice but I saw you fingers up your nose too much as a kid sorry John I like you tender-nice but it all fizzed out) and Rose kissed me on a dare and it was like kissing Jane it was horrible.

And that was the entire fucking extent of your romantic and sexual experience oh my dear little dark gods that's pitiful. (sharp/teal/lovely-blade moaning over me (tight-soft-deep) other hurried hands in dark corners--) shit sorry--

Oh. Of course Karkat had had sex before. Of course he would know more, of course John was hopelessly late and useless -- he couldn't even bring himself to think about, about kissing, never mind what happened later, he was a kid--

The tablet beeped.

"Shit," Karkat said in English, and another few words that echoed as bounce me around on a bladed dildo. Which, yeowch. He turned to stare at John, already half out of his seat and leaning forward, a claw-tipped hand clenched on the armrest. "(I gotta get going now. John, do you--)"

He was leaning forward like he was about to kiss John, if John hadn't been wearing a helmet, and John knew full well that wasn't at all what he'd been doing, knew because he was in Karkat's brain, and still couldn't help but fear-hope for it.

(I'll kiss you if we win) flashed between them, too fast to hold back. No wait sorry (god it'd feel nice) we have to talk first and -- not now, cannot be now.

John laughed, mostly from nerves. I'll come with you (sit in cockpit think tappy thoughts oh my god they'll love transcripts of your foul mouth be hilarious what if I accidentally transcribe the sex thoughts too oh no oh no--)

Karkat's hand caught his wrist.

"(Do you trust me,)" he said low and intense, in an alienese that John almost didn't notice as not English from how strong the mind-echo was.

The response came embarrassingly instantaneous. "Of course I --" He swallowed. What do you want me to do?

Okay. (You are ridiculous) (thank you.)

Karkat crinkled his golden-red eyes at John and for the first time John realized he doesn't mind how I feel.

Crushes happen, Karkat replied almost casually, with a little pleased-flattered-glad trill running underneath. Crushes happen to me in particular all the damn time so I have no stones to throw. (I know this one is worse, tangled-odd with headsets but it was kind of predictable too especially because of the headsets.)

A harsh beep.

No more time. Follow me?

Follow you where, John wondered, and then Karkat showed him.

His mind nudged closer. Body alive with battle arousal, heart thumping too fast, just barely shaky in his body and he need-wanted John's cheerful-calm interest, his certainty. They should absolutely not kiss before the battle because he would cling and waste time hoping for time to stop instead and also they really needed to hash that shit out but oh, so smug that he'd been right all along. His face winced briefly at whatever echo John sent back, and then he --

(Terrifying/not right/I will never manage alone.) 

John's gorge rose. (can't let that happen/you're not alone (I'm not alone either can't be please god--)

(Good,) rang like a bell between them, and then Karkat's direct, almost forceful Dive(/echo/merge) with me.

John's hands closed tight enough on the armrests that the hard plastic cracked under his fingertips at the thought, visualized like two discordant graphs slowly entering resonance, like rebounding, endless echoes -- the pattering, muted thunder of armies in lockstep. But -- but too close so many things I can't share, how?! Can't sync if we're like this I'm mortified (want to die/hide/wash it out of my brain) you're -- you're --

I want to fight. (Scared to fight.) I need to fight. Silly flurry of thoughts -- bothersome, I have them too (misjudged when to tell people about psychics, misjudged you, (this is not a romcom where you are the heroine what the fuck Vantas,) could have endangered/maybe did endanger the operation twice) we can sync on that! (would be bad). Or we can sync on --

Mechs. Piloting.

Winning the goddamn battle.

We had better not think of beds, John sent Karkat, smile shaking on his face. Karkat snorted back, crooking him a smile.

They bumped foreheads -- or forehead and helmet -- and straightened up, because it was time to go.

They stood (John stood) and walked to the door, one-two, one-two. (Easier if we walk in sync, they agreed, and wondered if it would also work mirrored. But they would experiment later, John, now where was the hangar?)

It was… odd, not quite seamless, little twitches of individual thoughts -- not like last time, at the conference.

It was easier when a Marine came across them -- Sergeant, look at the shoulder bars -- and said, "I was assigned to escort, uh, you, Corporal Vantas..."

"We're coming," they assured her with two mouths (unnecessary) (but which is it again.) "How long do we have left?"

"Four minutes," she said, carefully expressionless in her bulking power armor, the helmet politely open still as she placed herself opposite from the claws side. 

Can you blame her though? haha.

It's not like I didn't help patch those weaknesses.

How'd you even find -- oh, yeah.

Of course horn sense would perceive the electricity field where crucial wires ran, the way a solid plate trembled under a headbutt at the weaker places, of course Karkat's terror would crank his pitiful amount of sensitivity up higher and the luck of frenetic, half-blind panic do the rest.

The upgraded armor would be a little harder but they had the brute strength to punch through and the claws to tear wiring free. Should be easy -- but the Marines weren't the enemy. Strong-respectful-friendly-safe. Distant-confused too (we're too young for how much weight/responsibility we carry) but nice, mostly.

The bay where they were keeping (dad) the mech was empty, if well-guarded; the Marines had taken the warning that the biomechs sometimes ate people to heart, it seemed. Which was hilarious, because (dad) was way too tired to lunge and chomp, which... wasn't funny at all, actually. (When they won, the first thing they'd do would be to put him to a feeding/repairs station.)

They scaled the black-shelled side of the mech, pushing and pulling each body from handhold to foothold -- chinks in the shell, the edge of a plate. (They avoided the gaping cavity of its ripped-away manipulating-arm, no matter how convenient it would have been for a step-up.) The edge of the cockpit opening was cracked open like a wound, ready to be pushed through -- convenient but loose because dad was tired; worrying but nothing to be done for now -- thank god they'd gotten the flight suit back because those weird cotton clothes were a clinging, heavy pain when soaked through with neural gel...

Oh right. John's flight suit might not react quite well to the neural fluid now that dad-mech knew it. What if it dissolved? Haha, naked in the cockpit. Or more like half-naked with strategically placed, slowly widening holes, talk about a porn flick setting. Didn't help that the dissolving/digesting gels used to clean dirt and dead skin cells might also trigger if Dad felt contrary enough and also eat through yeah okay, that was an unsexy thought. John/Karkat crouched, one body on the solid edge, one across the cracked-open plates, and then sinking, eyes closed.

It was the perfect temperature inside, but that never made that first deep breath of gel any easier. He breathed air deeper with the body still outside, like the unencumbered-lungs feeling could help (it helped, even though oxygen wasn't going to come through telepathically. Bodies were stupidly easy to trick.) and settled inside within the nest of coils, seeking out the one that went -- ow, yeah, there, in the flight suit slot at the base of his neck, between the vertebrae.

Wake up, he thought at it, through the neural gel and through the spinal tap, letting it feel his nerve impulses so they could sync more thoroughly. Wake up, (flight systems, weapon arms, no more standby) there's a battle coming. 

Once the process was started it was a matter of waiting until it was sufficiently awake (and burning through the last of its energy.) The Karkat body wiggled into place, let the other tentacles slot into their ports to read his every muscle twitch, so the mech would be ready to move before he even thought it coherently enough to decide exactly what movement he wanted, and then settled down.

It was easier to keep in sync if they weren't both doing different things. The John body waited until the other one was at rest and then stood up, let himself slide along rib covers until gravity flung him off entirely, still pretty high over the ground; he landed in a perfectly timed crouch, laughing a little in admiration (Gods of the Devouring-dark but this body was convenient) and walked out of the hangar.

The Marines at the door didn't look at him like a stranger-threat or even a superior-officer-threat, more like a low-caste soldier might look at a beloved high-blue who cared-possessive for them (still dangerous in the abstract, never quite controllable, but theirs.) It was so strange, so normal.

"Is Corporal Vantas going to stay inside his mech?" the sergeant asked him, falling into step.

"Yes, Sergeant," he assured her soberly. "Until we go."

They weren't sure why that got them a weird look, but it was probably nothing to fret about. The metal mechs' bay door was just there -- similarly guarded but they let John/Karkat pass without a word; one of them nodded at him, fierce and grim-eyed. He nodded back the same way, and then -- oh -- worried that it might worry them, because John usually joked before a battle and soldiers didn't like things to be different. Bad luck. But by then they were at the lift and it was a bit too late to fret about the mental state of grunts.

They opened the cockpit and walked in, swung around to sit. The butt-hollow still felt wrong. 

So many buttons and toggles and it was a wonder John never got them wrong regarding which did what. (Heh.)

The arm-rest where Karkat had sat ... for a moment John-alone was sent reeling, buzzing, experiencing it from the other side -- the tingle of excitement-certainty, that wordless moment when you finally knew the other person was interested, had been flirting back, the pleasure-relief of feeling wanted and known. So touching-surprising-soft to find John so far from cocky carelessness, from being sure of Karkat.

It was sweet, Karkat felt. John stared at the screens he was bringing to life and read the words he knew by heart like they might have changed somehow, tried to think war thoughts.

Weapons check, Karkat thought, tinged with apology-for-the-distraction, tinged with fondness/you-are-sweet.

John went through a weapons check.

They'd left him Excalibur's usual monofilament swords, breakable as they were -- one-hit kills was more Dave's thing than John's -- but he had his hammer too, and the more usual set of bombs and missiles.

Also two EMP bombs. He thought back to Karkat shying away from the microwave and the difference in yield and --

Yeowch vicious yeah that'll work. Not through the home-ship hull (gotta shield from star radiations) but it'll work. How come no one generals-making-plans told me we had that -- wait fuck I'm stupid of course no one would tell me when they were still considering using it on me. It'll work on the biomechs and probably the troop transports but I don't know about the range.

Excal's got good radiation shields, so we can get pretty close and make sure of the kill, John reminded him, and then Karkat reminded him they weren't supposed to wade in, just watch-coordinate from the back.

Like that'll last, they both thought, so closely that maybe neither one had thought it first, that they'd just both had the exact same amused-despairing reaction.

They went through the flight check in comfortable, whispering quiet.

[billerak]

Bumble that Bee or something idk

I recently finished RWBY (catching up after years leaving it aside) and I have thoughts and feelings and, as I am me, a lot of those are about the canonical WLW couple (sans the secondary wives in V6). So I put my thoughts into a rant. It's not as negative as the word 'rant' would have you believe but I don't wanna call it an essay or whatever. It's still pretty negative tho, so be warned. Anyways on with it:

RWBY is a mess.

Sometimes, it's a wonderful mess. Others, it's a terrible one.

I could spend a few paragraphs explaining what I mean, but I think anyone who watches RWBY with a critical eye knows what I'm getting at. Love RWBY, hate RWBY, just don't try to tell me it's good.

So, once that's established, let's get to the meat of this rant: Bumblebee.

Or should I say Fumblebee? Eh? EH?

Alright you can stop reading, have a good day.

Let me start by making a sharing something about myself: I'm Agender and Bi/Pan. I make a living out of writing yuri/gl/wlw or however you wanna call it. I watch entire seasonal fucking anime on the off chance it may be yuri and most of the time I hate myself for it by the end because they never fucking deliver.

All of this is to say, I like the concept of Bumblebee, the problem is it was treated like shit.

In this rant or whatever the fuck I should call it, I'm just going to talk about the things this ship makes me feel. As established I make a living out of writing romances like the one this show tried to depict—and in case you're wondering, I have written slowburns so slow the first romantic interactions between characters didn't happen until 300k words into a fic. I did it twice, fyi—so I believe I have fair grounds to judge this.

So let's tackle this from the beginning. Was it planned from the start?

No, I don't take the writers word for it. It's painfully apparent it's not the case. I'm fairly certain BlackSun was gonna be a thing until they decided to write him out of the story in V6. Or perhaps they decided on Bumblebee and so they wrote him out of the story. Either way, everything prior to V6 I call into question.

Sure, Blake and Yang have their moments. But it's important to point out they're not romantically coded. RWBY isn't subtle about romance, and it starts pulling the same sort of obvious romantic tropes as all the het stuff going on in the show for Bumblebee going into V7. Prior to that? Nothing. Not a single blush or any explicit show of romantic attraction.

And before any disingenuous bastard tries to say something like "oh but blushes aren't always romantic" or "no you don't need blushes to show romantic attraction" allow me to say you are fucking wrong. Blushing is the universal language for embarrassment or love related things. And RWBY uses this shit all the time. INCLUDING Bumblebee past V7.

So yeah, while the writers probably did draw from previous material—and I think the VA's shipped them since the start?—I do not believe this ship was planned from the beginning.

But that's ok! I don't think it's a huge issue, really. Sure I'd have liked to see actual development but I don't need it to work retroactively if it makes sense from the moment they decide to go for it. So, 3 volumes and a half of development. Lots of time to put in the work, add the details, and-

Oh, no. Wait. They spend most of V8 separated. Hmm. K' so, 2 volumes and a half-

Wait. Oh. Oh they… they really have that little screentime together in V6, huh. Wow. Just. Huh.

Ok, the Adam fight is good. It's a strong setup! After fighting and making up for what Blake did after the Fall of Beacon, they finally come together to beat the demon that drew them apart in the first place. They hold each other close after beating him and it's good and I'm gonna say this is when they both actually fall for each other. We can argue about budding feelings or whatever, but I mean this is the moment they become aware of it one way or another.

So Volume 7 has them kinda being together? Honestly, they act like a new couple. Which is weird in retrospect. I think revealing they'd started dating after V6 would have made more sense than, uh... pretending this was a slowburn? Through V7 they stick to each other and fight in perfect synch and blush and all of that romantic stuff. It feels like… well, like they're kind of already an item but the show has other shit to worry about atm.

Then v8 is amazing really. Split the characters over an honestly kind of nonsensical ideological split, keep them apart most of the season, make Yang to be kiiind of an asshole in that one conversation with Kyle (<- my name for the post-v7 Generic McGenericus haircut Jaune. Yes this unironical, the friend I ranted to about this while watching the show can confirm).

To add insult to injury, the split doesn't even accomplish anything for the ship. The only two characters that get development out of being apart are Ren and Nora. These characters were CLEARLY in love last season why are they not having appropriate amounts of angst over this? Like, at this point we're not arguing whether they were planning on making Bumblebee canon or not, the point is asking why it feels like they weren't trying.

And then, Volume 9. For some context, I like V9. I think I'm in a minority, at least in the places I frequent about this stuff. Always comes with the caveat of 'it's still RWBY', of course, but I appreciate it. After the initial whiplash, I think making a fairy-tale season for a show that was born out of the concept of "what if Red Riding Hood had a sick scythe and used it to mow down hundreds of bad wolves" is actually a really fucking good idea.

That being said, the way they do Bumblebee is really strange.

They're basically back to their V7 selves. It feels like they're either already dating or on the verge of dating. I need to stress just how comfortable they seem to be around each other with the sole exception of that one time Blake didn't grab Yang's hand, but it didn't feel particularly awkward.

Then BOOM mind storm thing and while Ruby, Weiss and Jaune talk about like, actual issues, Jaune implies Blake and Yang had 'something more important to deal with'. And that something is RWBY's version of the room you can't leave unless you have sex.

Sans the sex I guess.

In the void, I think the scene(s?) is good. It's nice, the music is evocative, it's well framed and paced. In another story, it would really have been a perfect climax for a budding relationship.

The problem is this is not another story. These two have NOT seemed like two people awkwardly in love too scared to tell it to each other. In fact, it kinda felt like the exact opposite. If they kissed at the end of any episode for any reason, at this point, it would've felt correct. A simple quiet stare while sitting close and them just finally leaning in to take that final step would've been just as good if not better.

The bridge thing? It's the climax to an arc that didn't happen. Relationships don't need to be slowburns for me to like them, but if you're gonna pretend you were making a slowburn, at least do it right. Why did they need the bridge thing to finally get together? Come on! There was plenty of opportunity during V9 prior to this episode to at least make a show of them being awkward. Make it clear they were finally on the verge but were holding back on the final step. Make it actually cause some conflict, preferably between them as their fear grows into uncertainty and doubts.

Then the bridge would've felt cathartic. Force them to resolve said conflict, and the only way to do it is through admitting their feelings. Sure, it would've still been few episodes, but fuck man I'm sure they could've scraped a few minutes here and there to make it somewhat competent.

I like Bumblebee as a concept. I think the avid fans of this ship look at the concept, not at what the show did, and say "this is canon" and run with it. I don't blame anyone who is a big fan of this ship but… I just can't like it in its current state. I'm sure there's fanfics that fix it, I may give some a read.

Hell, just compare Bumblebee's development to Renora. Those guys have been kind of obviously in love from second one and Nora's entire character being focused on Ren was made into an actual plot point by the end.

Anyways that's about it for bumblebee. Here's some extra thoughts on shipping in RWBY in general.

If we look at the earlier seasons, I honestly think you'd have a stronger argument to make for White Rose being a couple. If we look at the later seasons, Nuts n' Dolts has a stronger impact. I already mentioned it but Blake/Sun had obviously a thing going on that didn't pan out. I hope chameleon girl whose name I don't remember gets a gf at some point tho.

I pray to fucking god they're not building up fucking Oscar and Ruby cuz they had a few awkward scenes here and there and they make me feel wrong in all sorts of ways.

Given how little interaction Ruby and Weiss have had despite how much time they've supposedly spent together, I think the writers are making an active effort to discourage White Rose. I'm not gonna get into the author's self insert being a love interest for Weiss at one point but let's just say the writers seem invested in making extra-sure Weiss stays het. I've made my peace with that. And Penny is fucking dead again so Nuts n' Dolts is a no go (canonically I mean I may read a fanfic or two about them they're very cute).

If they're gonna give Ruby a relationship by the end (which I kinda hope they don't at this point), I think it should be Kyle. They've had nice moments together and seriously shipping Oscar with Ruby just feels fucking weird. Like I assume Ozma's gonna be fucking gone from Oscar's body by the end of this story but even then idk that guy had a centuries old man is his head, it's fucked up.

Anyways that's enough. Why did you read to the end? Thanks for reading anyways.

[amethystfairy1]

Hi there, new anon here bc I don’t use tumblr like, almost ever. apologies for the rambling about how I love ur AU’s that’s incoming. Or if I did this wrong. Idk how to use tumblr.

Ok SO, I’ve been following your AUs on AO3 for the past few months and first of all, love it, I love your continuity with metaphors or specific descriptors that span across works, like Grian’s banded wings, glamor as heat haze on tarmac, scott having hair like spun sugar, just AUGHHHH so good I love. Little details like that make me as a writer and ofc fanfic enjoyed foam at the mouth. It’s so vivid I can picture it in my mind, I love the eclectic feel of the undercity, the mechanical lore things like wagons in Traveling thieves or rail carts and labs in TTSBC! Don’t even get me started on the peice about Doc and Etho in the depths, that one is so so good.

And your phenomenal foreshadowing? Like first read through never guessed that avian at Fremeere’s was skizz, but I went back after your recent upload and wow it totally is! Or how first read of TTSBC I never thought the two directors were the same because I hopped around in the reading order, but now it’s wayyy too similar! And now I get why a past and long dead antagonist would have such a specific and recognizable speech pattern… eerie. I love it. Can’t wait to learn more about that storyline!! I wonder how much Tango knows about Doc’s history with the labs and if he realizes the connection after talking with Zedaph. Zedango my beloved! Or just tango content/lore in general hehe. (Also, I find it humorous that Grian and Tango’s boyfriends have almost the same trauma as their dad, lol) Also, love how close the characters are to being reunited in Traveling Thieves!! They’re so close!

Anywhoo, just stopped by to say that Cub is litterally providing scar/Hot Guy with weapons in Scar’s new episode, only to see that you already saw that ofc. I was litterally kicking my feet and squeaking about it bc it’s just like TTSBC and your AU makes me so genuinely happy to read and has me in a chokehold. But the rocket arrows?? That are Hot Guy brand color coded! And expensive and I can see character!Cub being exasperated about scar’s trigger happy use of the rockets in the same way he doesn’t call the lab the Hot Cave, hehe. Or Scar showing off to Grian that he’s not the only one who can shoot sparkly projectiles!

so yeah, ik you already saw that, but i wanted to share that it’s so perfect for TTSBC or else my brain would not leave me alone lmao

DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR THE RAMBLES

I LOVE RAMBLES!!!!

I'm so glad you love my little tells for the characters! Heat haze on tarmac, hair like spun sugar, stuff like that just feels like it helps make a certain trait pop and so I try to make sure every character has at least one of them! I'm so glad you enjoy the mechanical ascept of the AUs! Both TTSBC and TT have their own little things, moving parts that keep the worlds going!

I love trying to layer in foreshadowing when I can! Skizz appearing, but I purposefully didn't tag him as a character because, thanks to avian culture, he doesn't use his name, and so it's not until we get to see from his POV that we actually get confirmation that's him!

I have no idea what you're talking about with the director, tho, because she's totally dead! She died 24 years ago during the Anarchy! Any odd vocal ticks and specific dislikes for hypothesis is completely coincidental and should be, should be, should be disregarded. 😑

They do, don't they? Whoops. I guess Doc has a lot to relate to when it comes to his future sons-in-law, huh?

CUB IS THE GUY-IN-THE-CHAIR CONFIRMED!!!! AGGGH!

Thank you so much for your rambles I absolutely loved reading them!!!! 💖

[elly99]

us without me IV: new jeans

A story series from the perspective of Mia (fem!Reader/OC) as she goes through her memories and recounts falling in love with her best friend in high school, Minji. She suffers in silence until she breaks and it all comes crashing down.

Part 4 of 7. Check here for more details. Reading previous parts for context is encouraged. CW for language.

“Mia-ya,” she calls from behind her locker door.

“Mmm?”

“You wanna do something this weekend?”

“I dunno. Just relax, I guess.”

“You don’t wanna do something together?” She closes her locker, revealing her face pouting at you.

There were so many things you wanted to do together. But you bury those ideas under the books you stuff into your own locker.

“Did you have something in mind?”

“Nothing in particular. Just something with you.”

Fucking hell.

“Well, I think I need new jeans. Help me pick out some?”

You catch her smiling to herself.

“What?”

“Nothing.” She giggles. “I’ll tell you later.”

“Why are you laughing?”

“I’ll tell you later!”

“김민지 이상하다.”

Before closing your locker you notice a tiny bear sticker on the door.

“How did this get here? We’re only a month in and you’ve already started vandalizing my locker?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, bro.”

“Is this why you were laughing at me?”

“No, no! But I will admit it’s funny how you only noticed it now. And also how easy it was to guess your code.”

“Wait, yeah! How the fuck did you know?”

“Mia! No need to be so angry that your best friend knows you so well.”

It slowly dawns on you. “You remembered the date?”

“Of course! The day we got these,” she says, lifting her ring finger up to your face. “It was my idea after all.”

You look down at your own fingers. And you start to feel your sanity slowly slipping through them.

“To be fair, it did take me a couple of tries before I got it. But still… I know you’re sentimental like that, so it wasn’t hard.”

As she proudly struts away to the cafeteria you spot her applying lip balm - the same one you used.

You thought you’d buried it in your locker along with everything else but you find yourself powerless to stop the idea of kissing her making its way back into your mind as the lip balm touches her lips.

-

The smell of spring wafted in through the open bedroom window. You had your phone to text her in one hand and the chocolate bar she got you on the walk home in the other.

so we’re just going shopping tomorrow?

yeah unless u had something else u wanted to do

wanna watch a movie?

huh? i thought u didnt like movies

yeah but i just want to spend time with you and i know you like going to the cinema so

You admire the blue ring on your finger and laugh.

My girlfriend really likes me, doesn’t she?

As long as you had it on you could pretend. So you never took it off.

i just checked and there arent any movies showing rn that im interested in

wanna come sleep over at my place then? we can watch the movies we want

wow u really wanna spend time with me huh

you got a problem with that bro?

no its just ur being sweeter than usual idk

well i do have something really important to tell you and i just wanna spend the day together so we can talk about it

No, Mia. It can’t be what you think it is.

is this what u were being so secretive about earlier?

yeah

why so serious bro is everything ok?

yeah everything’s perfect! i just want to tell you in person

No. Fucking. Way.

why not now?

i’ll tell you tomorrow dw

you promise?

of course! i’ll pick you up at 10? or is that too early?

no im fine with it but i doubt youll wake up that early

you’re right 😖 i’ll just text you tomorrow

sure

okie good night mimi ily 💗

good night <3

Mia, there’s just no way. Calm down. You’re being silly. You’re being delusional. Stop it.

You start laughing again at the absurdity of the situation. At the fact you were even entertaining the thought. You laugh until tears start pooling in your eyes. Until you forget why you were laughing in the first place. Until the tears fall and you find yourself crying into the night.

-

i’m up

congrats on waking up before noon ig

hey i set an alarm just for you so you better be grateful

woah im so touched

we have a date today so i better be on time right? 😊

Damn it, Minji.

does that mean youll be here soon?

yeah in 30

cool

It was 11:10. You’d gotten ready to go two hours ago. But she didn’t need to know that. She didn’t need to know that you were dying to know what it was she wanted to tell you.

hey i miss you

What the fuck?

bro whats up ur never this clingy

sorry i’m just really happy

about what?

you’ll see

It was 11:11. You wish for what you’d always wished for. You knew there was no point but with her being like this and your ring still on your finger, the line between fantasy and reality had never been more blurred.

-

Waiting outside your front door, you see her approaching from down the street. Even at that distance you could see the radiant smile she was giving you.

Often you wondered what life would have been like had you not moved in just down the street from her. Had you not gone to the same school. What if the universe didn’t give you so many opportunities to get close to each other? Why did it have to give you so many reasons to fall for her? But you had no choice. This was your life now. The girl you called your best friend, the one standing in front of you, was the person you so desperately loved.

“굿모닝.”

“It’s not morning anymore. You’re late.”

“미안!” You’re reminded that every apology would sound like your name. “But I’m here now. Let’s go.”

“Don’t you have something to tell me first?”

“Later. Over dinner.” Her smile was cheeky. Teasing.

“We have dinner plans?”

“Yup. My treat.”

Your heart trips over its own beats.

“Bro, it should be my turn.”

“Mia, no. This one’s important to me.”

Then it starts to scream as it hits the ground.

“My god, Min, what’s this about?”

“Don’t worry about it! Let’s just go get your new jeans first.”

She starts laughing again and you still don’t know why.

-

“Minji! No way!” you exclaim, shopping bags filled with clothes in one hand, her hand in the other as she tugs you along to a familiar part of the mall.

She just smiles and sticks her tongue out.

“This place is expensive!”

“But it’s your favorite. So it’s where we’re going.”

“Minjiii,” you whine.

“Hey, if you really cared about me spending too much you wouldn’t have such expensive taste. You left me no choice, to be honest.”

“Bro!”

For the first time in a while you’re laughing together. For a reason you both knew.

“For real, though, Mia. It’s fine! It’s my treat, so don’t worry about it.”

“You’re so sweet, Min.”

As if that needed further confirmation, she pulls out a chair for you.

“Mia! Are you blushing?”

“What? No!” You quickly cover your face with your hands. Your ring smiles a devilish smile as you bring it close.

“Don’t fall in love, bro,” she says teasingly. But it was way too late for that.

“What do you mean? I’m just excited for the food.”

“Sure.”

With that one word her expression changes. You couldn’t quite parse it. But you convinced yourself that there was something about her face that told you that she knew. And there was nothing more terrifying.

-

As your meal comes to a close and the night slows down she finally says it.

“Mia.”

“Minji.”

“I have something to tell you.”

“I know.” Your voice falters as your heartbeats quicken. You clear your throat to hide it. “Just tell me already.”

She leans over the table, looking straight into your eyes with something like anxiousness in hers.

“I’m… I’m debuting in July.”

In that moment, as your pounding chest comes to a crashing halt, there was no greater dissonance than wanting to be happy for your best friend but being disappointed that she didn’t want to be more than that. Being excited for her future but being bitter that her future wasn’t you.

Then came rage. Fury. The dissonance between expecting, wanting, praying for her to confess and knowing that that was just a puerile, selfish fantasy you conjured for yourself. “You’re being silly again,” is what she would have said. You were so angry and there was no one else to blame but you.

“Bro, I’m so happy for you!” you strain. “All that hard work’s finally paying off!”

“Thanks, Mia,” she says softly.

“I don’t even know why you were worried you wouldn’t debut! You’re so talented. It was always gonna happen. I’m so proud of you, Min!”

“Thank you,” she repeats with her eyes.

“So, what’s the name of your group?”

She laughs once more and you finally understand why.

“NewJeans.”

“Oh my god, no wonder.”

“But don’t tell anyone, ok?”

“Of course, bro. Why would you even think I’d tell anyone?” you ask a little more aggressively than you’d like, still barely controlling your anger. Thankfully, she doesn’t notice.

“Just making sure.”

“How many songs do you have?”

“Four. And, yeah, we’ll be filming our music videos in Spain.”

“Oh, wow!” You wonder how much longer you could hide it. How much longer until she realizes you were faking it. “When are you leaving?”

“Next week. Which is why I wanted to spend time with you this weekend.”

“Wait, will you be gone for your birthday, then?”

“Yeah…”

“Oh.” You struggle to find words to say as your anger is replaced by sadness. “I’ll miss you…”

“I’m sorry! I’ll miss you, too! I promise we’ll spend lots of time together when I get back.”

“But I’m sure you’ll be really busy even then. Even more when you debut…”

“Let’s not worry about it yet, Mia! I’m still here. And I’m just happy to be with you now.”

“Me, too.” You smile weakly.

“I’ll just go pay, ok? I’ll be right back, then we can talk more about it at home. We have all night anyway!”

“Thanks, Min. For the food. For today. For everything.”

“Aww, bro, you sound so sad!” she says as she stands up. You look up at her from your chair. Seeing your hand on the table, she gently wraps hers around it and you hear the subtle clink of your rings as they touch. “I’m still here, ok? I always will be.”

You don’t take your eyes off her as she walks away. And they remain glued to her in forbidden admiration as she returns. Every time you looked at her there was always a part of you that wanted to just rush over to her and tell her everything. That she was your everything. Your first love. Now, knowing the world would soon fall in love with her, too - because you knew everyone would - that part of you wanted to keep her all to yourself.

Then there was the part of you just happy to see her. To have her in your life. Because she did make you happy. She always tried her best to put a smile on your face. She was an angel like that and today was further proof of it. And her smile - the same one you could see on her face now as she approached you - it made you feel safe. Like things were going to be alright. There was a strange, counterintuitive comfort you found in it, knowing that, even if she didn’t know your pain, she’d be there for you. She thought the world of you. She loved you like no one else could. Just not in that way. And you were happy with that. You’d have to be.

“가자.”

At the sound of her soft voice your sadness gives way to resignation. You remind yourself that it wasn’t her fault she couldn’t give you what your heart yearned for. And in doing so, you could finally, truly be happy for her.

With your hand hidden from her in your pocket, you slip your ring off with your thumb as she takes you home.

[literallys-illiteracy]

oh hey, thanks! tbh given that i'd already gone down two separate rabbit holes for both the odyssey and der freischütz shortly before magic bullet outis came out, it is genuinely fun just to talk about her. not sure what i'd request for an in-depth writeup, but given that you're really into faust, might i trouble you for your thoughts on the council of fausts, carmen-coded female characters, and the eternal feminine? i have the sliiightest inklings of a possible link along those lines, but it's been a while since i've read faust and i'm currently too deep into fighting fish (reading moby dick) to pick it up again just yet, so your opinion would be invaluable. pls don't feel pressured to do so though! i understand if there'd be too much conjecture in it to do (especially since we're still only getting crumbs abt the council of fausts as is)

also, if you're still looking for english versions of weber's der freischütz, i mostly get by via the 1961 rudolf kempe english production (libretto by edward j. dent) and a subbed version of the 1968 film, both of which can be found on youtube. the one thing i havent found yet is a translation of the original tale though, so you'd definitely know better than i would on that haha

Okay wow ive been procrastinating on this one for a while huh.

At first it was on purpose because of the implications that we would get some more information relating to the Council of Faust in the WARP event, which we did, but after that it was just because I was lazy.

As an additional note, I am currently in the process of reading “Man and His Symbols”, a book about Jungian psychology, which is the lens I personally primarily prefer to view the following concepts on. Following that on my reading list is another of Jung’s books, titled “The Psychology of the Transference”, which I have been told mentions the eternal feminine much more directly, not to mention the bakers dozen journal articles i have saved on the topic — I mention this to state that this is almost certainly not going to be my last essay regarding these topics. I already had the vague idea of connecting Carmen to the archetypes of the collective unconscious, and now I have more material to work with regarding this. Thank you Freischutz anon. - Literally's note

This is going to be the first of at the very least 3 essays on this request, just for you <3, also for my wife Carmen.

Moving on, here we go.

To begin, I want to establish what we already know, or what some reading might not already know, regarding the titular topics of this essay:

The Gesellschaft is the newly canonised name of the “Council of Faust’s” revealed in the WARP event — Gesellchaft is a German word meaning society, or a relationship/community built on non-interpersonal ties and relations.

I do not remember exactly when the theory of the council began, however at the same time I do remember more people mentioning it surrounding N corp Faust, however for reasons I will not discuss, there is reason to believe that she is not part of this society.

Carmen-Coded Characters, alongside the Eternal Feminine, are linked together with the concept of the Jungian archetypes — The Eternal Feminine is the divine, culturally transcendent, ideality of femininity. A Jungian Archetype is a similar concept, first posed by Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung, of the universal concepts and images which exist in humanities collective unconscious. A notable and omnipresent archetype is known as the “Anima”, which acts as the internalised, primarily unconscious, feminine traits within a man, the counterpart is known as “Animus”.

Relating back to this concept of psychology (I am so sorry, half of all the essay topics I write about circle back to this topic), the Gesellschaft may act as a literal representation of this eternal feminine, a collective trait shared across mirror worlds, a communal sisterhood of the best traits of each and every Faust.

The council acting as a mass collective, similar to a discord server, of individuals who are independent from one another, may relate back to the Anima and Animus, with the final stage often being described in the image of Sophia, a representation of divine wisdom, which is a major trait present in Geothe’s depiction of the eternal feminine through Helen.

This final manifestation of the Animus is often considered a guide of sorts, acting as a messenger, as the highest level of harmony between the conscious and unconscious mind.

The primary flaw that one may direct to this explanation is in respect to the character of Faust herself, as, as is mentioned above, the Anima and Animus are manifestations of the Feminine in man and the masculine in woman — The argument may be made that the Gesellschaft may act as the Animus, the masculine, rather than the eternal feminine as is the supposed link.

To this I pose that, though you would not be incorrect, the council itself is “Faust” as a whole, acting, in a way, as the conscious mind of the sinner, having, up until recently, been the primary decision maker. Though Faust, the sinner (God this is going to be confusing after a while if I keep writing like this), is a member of the greater “Faust”, she does not act as the primary agent of decisions — Faust, the sinner, and the greater Faust, are both representative of the Feminine in their nature.

I have also seen it posed that our sinner is in fact Gretchen, and hence is why they refer to the knowledge as “Faust’s” knowledge, however I am extremely far from convinced for this.

It is important to note that, while I do attempt to read papers and literature on these kinds of topics, I am still extremely far from an expert in this field — Though I attempt to make sure that I thoroughly understand a topic before writing about it, it is important to note that there is inevitably nuance on this topic which may be overlooked, for that I apologise.

Moving on, there is additionally a link that one may make between the ego (Freudian, not PM), the conscious mind, your “Self” focused on the current moment alongside considerations of the future, and the Gesselschaft, once again placing the greater Faust as the primary ego within Faust’s body.

This can explain the fact that Faust’s base EGO line does not change during the most recent WARP event, the statement “Faust knows all outcomes” is not referring to our Faust but rather the council, the sinner’s primary ego.

It is additionally possible that, through one means or another, it was the council of Faust’s at large which manifested the Representation Emitter EGO, however this is simple conjecture.

This is the first topic that will be discussed in this series of essays, the next will likely be the relation of the ID and the Shadow to Carmen,

also if you dont mind Freischutz anon, it would be helpful if you could elaborate on what you mean by “Carmen Coded” characters, as if you dont, I will assuredly start rambling about half related notes because I am the biggest Carmen simp. - also Literally's note

[drawingducktalesducks]

Violet: She is waking up.

Lena: Mm hm?

Webby: I’M AWAKE! I’M- Ow-

Lena: Mmf!

Huey: Don’t move too much! The woodchuck guide book says the best thing for a concussion is to stay still.

Violet: This will be easily accomplished, as we are all tied up.

Webby: Well not for long! I’ll just bite through these… um…

Violet: Chains?

Webby: Which are only as strong as their weakest link! And their weakest link is- OW!

Huey: Still made of metal, yeah.

Lena: Hmph.

Webby: That’s okay! We have a SORCERESS on our side!

Violet: Lena cannot cast spells while her hands are immobilized.

Webby: Luckily she’s also a sorceress of persuasion, mental trickery, and cunning words-

Huey: They’ve already gagged her, Webby.

Lena: Mm hmm.

Webby: Oh.

Webby:

Webby: Are we in the middle of a candlelit demonic summoning circle?

Violet: We appear to be part of it, actually. One might even go so far as to say we are-

Huey: Don’t say sacrifices don’t say sacrifices!

Violet: -the hors d’oeuvres.

Webby: Uh oh.

Violet: Indeed.

Huey: I’m gonna faint.

Lena: Mmf! MmMMFFFF!!!!

Webby: SHH guys! She’s trying to say something!

Violet: A pity her last words shall never be known.

Lena: MMMRRR.

Webby: OH OH LENA LISTEN- Do you know morse code!?

Lena: ….

Huey: I guess that’s non-nerd for “Webby you know I love you, but who the heck knows morse code?”

Violet: Everyone else here ironically.

Lena: MM! MmfFF!

Webby: Okay new plan- point your eyes at things, blink once if they’re the word you’re thinking of, twice if they start with the letter you’re thinking off, nod your head if we guess right, shrug if we’re close, and shake your head if we’ve guessed the word wrong! Ready?

Huey: Webby there’s NO WAY that’ll work! How would you even guess-

Webby: Me! Beak! Lips!

Violet: We’re close. Try verbs. Talk, speak, communicate-

Webby: Shout! Yell! Scream!

Violet: Hiss, snarl, roar, howl-

Huey: ARE WE REALLY SPENDING OUR LAST MOMENTS SPIT-BALLING AT CHARADES???

Webby: She’s nodding! SPIT SHE MEANS SPIT!!!!

Violet: Good work, Hubert.

Huey: Uh.

Webby: Spit circle! Spit demon- ohhh that’d be a weird one- what, no? Spit summoning!

Violet: Spit light, spit fire, spit candle-

Huey: Oh my duck she’s nodding again.

Webby: Spit candle?! Spit-

Webby: SPIT ON THE CANDLES!

Violet:

Huey:

Webby:

Violet: Is that really all it would take to disrupt the summoning?

Huey: You’d think they’d have moved us out of range…

Lena: MMMM!!!!

Webby: Talk later spit now! READY!!

Huey: WAIT MY MOUTH IS DRY FROM FEAR

Webby: AIM!

Violet: This is by far the most fascinatingly bizarre experiment I have ever been a part of.

Webby: FIRE!!!!!!

Webby, Huey, Violet: P’tooye!

Candles: *hsssss….*

Evil Summoner Dude: NOOOOOOOOooooooooo o o o o . …. .

Webby: Huh.

Webby: Hope he likes demons.

Huey: Aaaand now I am fainting- OW

Violet: Ah. So the chains were also a magical summons.

Lena: Pleh!

Webby: Lena, you gorgeous genius, you did it YOU DID IT!!!!

Violet: Now explain.  

Lena: Wow.

Lena:

Lena: … I can’t believe that worked.

Violet: What.

Huey: You didn’t THINK IT WOULD WORK!?

Lena: Yeah no. I was like, pretty sure we were dead.

Huey: DEAD!? I COULD HAVE SPENT MY LAST MOMENTS IN LIFE SPITTING AT A TACKY BLACK FLAME CANDLE?????

Webby: But- then why make us do it?

Lena: Honestly? It was funny.

Huey: FUNNY?!?!?

Lena: Hey we were dead anyway. Might as well go out flipping them off, you know?

Webby: You’re so pretty.

Violet: …. Does this mean you have no explanation for the mechanism behind this magical phenomena?

Lena: No idea. Maybe the demon was scared of cooties

Violet:

Violet: I need. To mediate. For precisely one hour.

Webby: Why?

Violet: Sanity.

Lena: Hey can someone take a pic of me lying in the middle of the demonic circle? It’ll make a great banner image

Webby: Oooh me too me too!

Huey: NO! THIS WAS THE WORST GIRLS NIGHT OUT EVER

Webby: But what about-

Huey: EVER! I DON’T want any reminders of it, and I am NEVER doing this aga-

Lena: Hey Red, come look at this lame rock floor

Huey: -lame? That is GRANIT!

Webby: I mean there’s literal demonic claw marks scratched into it, but sure, let’s look at the very normal and extremely boring rocks…

Lena: dibs on the candles that almost killed us

Webby: Aww. Then I claim the tattered robes of the guy who got dragged to hell!

Lena: You wanna wear them?

Webby: Actually I was thinking curtains. Curtains might be nice.

Lena: Sweet.

[unlicensedmortician]

bad movies with j&j: divergent part three. the final part. thank god. i never have to watch these again.

- I WAS RIGHT ABT EVELYN BEING THE NEW DICTATOR

- how much time is supposed to have passed??? that’s at least 8 months of hair growth

- i wonder if they want to kill him

- not how trials work!

- four still looks like he’s in his late 30s

- jesus christ??? dude??

- oh ok he’s fine

- thank god for peter he’s the only thing that’s making these movies watchable. guy who’s the fucking worst but at least he’s entertaining

- rip tori u were the most iconic bitch here

- hm. that looks like some form of ecological crisis

- do love a good blood river

- “this hole looks radioactive” hole you say?

- also that’s not even a little bit how radioactivity works at all

- “this is fun i’m glad we did this” cryingggg thank u for ur commmentary peter

- “someone’s coming for us 🥰” wrong tone! you are being hunted

- how are you not hitting any of them they’re running in straight lines

- huh?????????? what’s going on?????

- the future is more color coding apparently

- i feel like im having a fever dream

- at the very least tris has a cunty little bob

- jester: oftentimes what a main character girlie really needs is a cunty little bob

- we’re the good guys :) welcome to eugenics city

- also how the shit do they know who these random teenagers from the isolated city tm are

- i bet she has absolutely zero body hair

- get GLOOPED

- fist the wall hole, tris

- ok i’m sure these tattoos are a cool completely fine thing

- oh! so they have aggressively overt eugenics! great!

- right ok. and none of you are unsettled by this

- oh this is terrifying. we’ve been surveying you your whole life and you didn’t know we existed until rn :) don’t worry about it :)

- oh so those are. barcodes.

- providence?? rhode island????

- haha this is terrifying. “i’ve observed every second of your life” WHAT

- she’s the ONLY ONE.

- yeah of course tris (cis straight white skinny neurotypical) is the only genetically pure person alive. what the fuck

- oh so u can get full access to people’s memories. that’s terrifying

- sure her mother might as well have been from outside

- the tattoos indicate how damaged they are that’s so cool and great. and that also determines how much access they have. awesome.

- there’s no way this guy is a good person

- when i say this surveillance technology is scarier than any horror concept i’m being serious

- really really interesting to have a black woman defending the status quo

- if they’re the good guys why is everyone else so afraid

- also like. why wouldn’t they take adults in also? what’s the cutoff point?

- “we’re here to help” while pointing a gun at a family. what. BRO YOU JUST FUCKING SHOT HER DAD?

- what the fuck they just wipe these kids’ memories ??

- the political messaging here is confusing at best

- this is the first time i’ve been anything more than completely neutral on four

- can i blame the current lack of media literacy on this franchise or

- tris. what the fuck

- who would win: guy who stuck by you through all the absolute batshit insanity of the last two movies and was like. decent through all of it. or old guy eugenicist who says he knew your mother. the answer will shock you!

- kinda ate with tris’ costuming evoking jeanine

- who media trained her

- “we’re not taking you to chicago” four is like. sure. this might as well happen. i guess. gonna make this ship crash now

- so were they gonna execute him? i’m confused

- “this ship is the only one that can fly through the camo wall” immediately crashes it

- wait lmao is this actually rhode island

- oh wow the eugenics guy is untrustworthy! who could have seen this coming

- “the factions work” they literally didn’t. that was. the point of the whole two other movies? are we forgetting those

- matthew and four should’ve been endgame thanks for coming to my ted talk

- thank you peter for always serving cunt

- yes girl completely wipe your ex husbands memory

- i don’t think anyone talked about tris’s terrible fucking tattoo enough

- yeah girl of course he’s wiping the memories of everyone in chicago

- she can do whatever she wants. she’s the protagonist

- peter cmon i liked you

- ok but like. the gas is still there? whatever

- i feel like this plot is not finished

- oh my god it’s not allegiant did so bad in box offices that they cancelled the fourth one. that’s hilarious. thank god.

[gayspock]

ok i finally have time im gonna watch part 2 at LAST

problemo number one. ive forgotten girlies' names. i remember starbuck, my friend starbuck. an DFUCKING GAIUS.. + boomer shes cute....

but i dont recall anyone else's NAME-names if you get me. just vibes

and i liked everyone i think smile so its like good vibes

also "jumping" COME ON. COME UP WITH A BETTER NAME. WARP FACTOR PUSSY. STARBUST. HYPERDRIVE. JUMPING? COME ON. NOT EVEN JUMPING AND POPPING? JOP OR KYS

yesss i knew the girlies would be alive. missus president and the son . theres no way they need to milk him for the drama.. APOLLO. i forgot his name. of course they called him apollo.

THE way gaius is just shaking like a tiny fucking puppydog. oh im going to kick him like a football. whilst he hallucinates a beautiful blonde woman in horror.

tyrol yes his name is tyrol. i love him hes my friendies.

woahi want a beautiful lady chip in my brain to torment me. dorito flavour please!

will this wee cunt be a recurring guy. the arms dealer. i think he'd be a funny addition to the girlies.

I ALSO LIKE THE OTHER GIRL. WHATS HER NAME. tyrol's little.... colleage ehrm. CALLY. SAYS GOOGLE. SMILE. shes so cute

AND BILLY. HES JUST FUCKING VIBING ISNT HE. COULD YOU EVEN IMAGINE.... bles- billy now why did you tell her that. im obsessed with you billy. violence. a bit of billy badness

also fucking hell, this is fucking . good heavens. ... sorry i realise im never discussing whats occurring in the episode im just like wow i li- CHILD DEATH. 😐...

anyway as i was saying like i do rlly like this so far HOWEVER both the vibe & the characters, i have to wonder... how many holdover to the main show hmmmm. im sooo curious

"didnt include a soul in programming" then what do you call the brave redditors on the advent of code sub, making the most bjeautiful visualisations

EVERYONE JUST NECKING IT ON

THE WAY GAIUS' EYES BOGGLED LIKE YEAH BILLYS GOT THE RIZZ YEAH HE DOES . THE FUCK YOU LOOKING AT. AND YOU TWO- WHY ARE YOU GETTING SLOPPY WITH THAT KID JUST STOOD THERE. HEAVENS ABOVE.

oh dear OH NOES

OH MISTER ADAMA LOOK OUT

GOOD HEAVENS

SO MUCH FOR THE CHEEKY LITTLE CRIMINAL IT SEEMS HES- oh good heavens well. to narrate the scene its . its like his head is an ikea kit and mister adama is trying to- oh goodness me

catgeroy 5 #girl event from mister adama (bludgeoned a cunt to death)

gaius is beyond a fucking menace im actually kind of crazy for it -the fucking... YOU CANT ATTACK A MAN IN A RUST COLOURED BLAZER, SILLY.

"lee" or "apollo" (VERY transmasc names btw) not telling his dad he was still alive (transmasc activity) is so me

him hugging his dad is so not me though

ALSO THE WAY GAIUS IS LIKE. ,.. THEYRE LIKE "rumour has it youre a genius" WHEN HES ALSO NOT DONE ANYTHING THIS WHOLE TIME LIKE I DONT DOUBT IT BUT ALSO HES JUST HAD THINGS HAPPEN TO HIM. LIKE... HES LIVING LIFE IN CRIT 1S AND NAT 20S.

ALSO THE WAY HES FUCKING . GETTING THIS GUY BC HE CAUGHT HIM GETTING HIS JOLLIES OFF TO A HALLUCINATION. GAG. AND THE WAY HES CONVINCING THESE GUYS IS JUST SAYING WHATEVER THE FUCK

also ONE criticism i have is im not sure how if eel about some of the music. some of it is so out of place its like kinda odd

"and i studIED PUBLIC RELATIONS!"

its such a big mistake to cross a girl in a statement blazer who studied public relations. you are so going to get your comeuppance for this.

i was about to comment on the cussing & i went to go look at tv tropes to see if there was a specific term for it and can i say tv trops are so funny i scrolled past and it said "gordon bennett" was made up for red dwarf and then underneath there's a note thats like"TRUTH IN TELEVISION. THIS IS USED IN THE UK." LIKE HELP PLEASE

anyway obviously #farscapeheads we cant really talk here but help. FRACK. OF ALL FUCKING WORDS. GOOD HEAVENS. WHAT THE FRICKITY FRACK IS GOING ON. THE

SO theyre going to try to... GO TO EARTH. HUH.

the implications of that.... ok

also YAAY FOR SOME KID. WOO. YIPPEE. LOVE IT WHEN THERES JUST SOME KID DICKING ABOUT THE MILITARY OPERATIONS.

bonus pointd when the kid is wearing a turtleneck. so sensible and smart

ALSO LEE. apollo. he seriously dors look like someone took the average tv boytoy from 2004 and got the mean average its so funny

i do love their slaggy little vests. theyre not like the standard ones that are already quite slaggy. its like theyre from plt's clearance sale

HI PUBLIC RELATIONS ARE YOU OKAY

oh my god he was acylon

WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT GAIUS. THE CRITS. THE NATS. PLEASE.

m

MY

MY GIRLY BOOOMERR? YOOOOOOOOOOOO

RIGHT

I KNOW THERE WAS A LOT OF MURDER BUT IM STARTING TO SIDE WITH THE CYLONS I DONT TRUST ANY OF YOU BITCHES WHAT

OKAY END OF EP SMILE i finished the mini series yaaayyyy

[pesterloglog]

Eridan Ampora, Jade Harley

Act 5, page 3175-3176

-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling gardenGnostic [GG] --

CA: noww that youre done makin all that pointless rubbish

CA: ivve got somethin wway more wworth your wwhile

GG: which one were you again?

GG: wait

GG: werent you the guy who was always trying to hit on me??

CA: that couldvve been anyone

CA: lets not get distracted by your sad league of suitors and their flushed desperations

CA: im offerin you the edge here

CA: in your rivvalry wwith the other female

GG: uh...

CA: wwevve got the same abstratus

CA: and i dont need this thing anymore

CA: since i became more powwerful than you could evver imagine as a mighty wwizard of wwhite science

CA: so you might as wwell take it and settle your score wwith that awwful wwitch

GG: but

GG: im the wwitch!

GG: i mean witch

CA: yeah ok the seer then if you wwant to be dealin wwith technicalities

GG: rose?

GG: i do not have a score to settle with rose!!!

GG: why would you think that?

CA: oh

CA: wwell fuck

CA: suppose i wwas guessin it wwas natural to presume somesuch relation like that betwween the twwo a you

GG: i think you are projecting your own attitude on to others

GG: just because you tend to hate and/or hit on everyone you meet doesnt mean everyone else is that way

GG: rose just sent me a code for a crystal ball, shes my friend and is basically the best!

CA: oh i see so she shared her "magic secrets" wwith you then

CA: its probably a trap i wwouldnt trust her

CA: she is a cunnin and treacherous sort trust me i knoww her type

GG: wait do you have a thing for her too???

GG: did she reject you or something?

CA: you are slingin around such a bloody mess of slander wwith these accusations

CA: you wwouldnt understand anywway

CA: its already been painfully established you people cant get your shalloww think pans under the majesty of our quadrants

GG: :|

CA: if you must knoww things betwween us wwere gettin pretty bellicose and im pretty sure she wwas wwaxin as obsidian for me as a human got it in em to do

CA: and if not for the interdimensional divvide keepin us apart honestly i dont doubt our rivvalry could be brewwin outright pitch

GG: uh huh...

CA: but the thing is i need a rivval wwho can pose me a challenge

CA: and frankly shes not evven fit for holdin my cape anymore

CA: at this point i find all her adorable black pixie dabblins to be prime kiddie playtime shit

CA: all of her FRAUDULENT MAGICS cannot come close to posin threat to my mastery ovver the TRUEST SCIENCES

CA: an wwith my empiricists wwand i servve as the righteous hope that wwill incinerate delusion and the deluded alike

CA: my holy fire is the wwhite fury bled from the wwrath-wweary eyes of fifty thousand nonfictional angels

CA: and wwhen theyre finished wweepin they wwill boww before their prince

GG: wow what are you talking about

CA: so really you should be honored to inherit my old callin

CA: both my armaments and my feud

CA: itll be wwitch against wwitch

CA: a real one vvs an impostor

CA: faker one dies

GG: hey look at that, time for me to get going!

CA: oh wwill you just take the fuckin gun already

GG: no i dont want it!!!!!

CA: its a wway more powwerful wweapon than any of that crap you made

CA: its a legendary relic wwithout equal

GG: more like a legendary piece of shit!

CA: youre bein needlessly fuckin stubborn about this im doin you a fuckin favvor here

GG: yes but i dont like you very much and i feel really icky about accepting a present from you

CA: if you accept it this is the last ill evver be botherin you about anythin ok

GG: siiigh

GG: fine

CA: FFFFFFWW

GG: what?

CA: thats the code

GG: oh...

GG: hmmm...

GG: i have seen this before

CA: howws that possible

CA: its a one of a kind wweapon plundered from an alternian ghost ship

GG: i am very sure its the same rifle included with johns present

GG: but...

GG: bigger of course

CA: probably a cheap imitation of the original

CA: uh

CA: kind of like that one there is

CA: so theres your answwer stable loops ahoy

CA: noww enjoy the utter fuckin domination it affords

GG: yes but....

GG: i did not provide the weapons!

GG: my penpal did

CA: wwhos that

GG: the guy who helps me build the present

GG: we worked on it together but he supplied the bunnys weapons

GG: im pretty sure hes from the future!

CA: wwhy

GG: because he said hes my grandson

CA: wwhat the fuck is a grandson

CA: is that some kind of pervverse human familial thing

GG: umm yes

CA: nevvermind then your procreational biologistics make my fins curl in distaste

GG: oh no!!!!!

GG: aaaaa please dont tell anyone i told you about him!

GG: augh how could i let that slip to you of all people

CA: settle dowwn jade youre radically underestimatin the amount of shit i dont givve about this

CA: ill havve you knoww this is the last time im plannin on talkin to any human

CA: i got bigger ships to sink and soon wwhen im good and ready me and my luminous fuckin science stick havve got a date wwith jack noir

CA: AND NO NOT THAT KIND OF DATE GIVVE ME A LITTLE FUCKIN CREDIT

GG: wow ok!!!!

GG: i wasnt going to say anything

CA: wwhys this matter so hush hush anywway

GG: he didnt want me to tell my friends who he really was

GG: i guess maybe he was concerned about upsetting the timeline? i dunno

CA: wwell maybe he didnt wwanna disrupt wwhatevver disgustin sequence of evvents wwas responsible for his spawwnin in the first place

GG: maybe!

GG: i have wondered about that, assuming he is right...

GG: he was so nice, and it really did feel like i was talking to family, so i really dont think he was making it up

GG: i couldnt help but try to imagine his parents...

GG: and more interestingly.......

GG: his grandfather :O

GG: i still wonder who it could be...

GG: although i guess at this point

GG: the options are pretty limited :o

CA: ok i think im startin to feel ill talkin about things makin me fathom pink wwigglers comin out a your owwn personal torso

CA: so change a fuckin subject

CA: that gun i just gavve you is somethin of a hatchright to the kid

CA: happy i could play a role in your dirty stinkin lineage

GG: like an heirloom? i guess it could be

GG: do you even have those? if you dont have parents how could you?

CA: no wwe dont knoww our direct forebears and im pretty sure any attempt to seek out or evven inquire about the supplier of your genes wwould be a fine wway to get yourself killed

CA: but wwevve got our lore and it says wwe all got indivvidual ancestors wwho contribute to most of our genes abovve and beyond wwhat the grubs slurry does

GG: ewwwwwwww

CA: oh shut up

CA: anywway a lot of us believve wwere meant to trace the footsteps of those ancestors evven though wwe can nevver knoww em

CA: and on that journey wwe can come across belongings they once had cause wwe wwere hatched to find em and finish their wwork

CA: i kinda think thats wwhy i found the gun in the first place

CA: but noww im forsakin it because fuck i just found a better destiny than my old crappy one wwhich i nevver got any appreciation for anywway

GG: hmmmm

GG: then maybe that is how this heirloom should work

CA: wwhat do you mean

GG: well i dont want to use it!

CA: aww man come on

GG: so ill just dump it outside the house with the trash

GG: and if it is fated to find my penpal one day then so be it!

CA: god damn it

CA: its like you people go out of your wway to think a howw to disrespect me

GG: maybe you should have been nicer to me!

GG: in any case i dont appreciate the spirit in which the gift was given so this is what i will do!

CA: fine fuck it wwhat do i care

CA: this has been a completely flippin useless exchange as havve they all been wwith your species

CA: and for the record

CA: evven though i said that stuff about bein fated to find my gun

CA: fate isnt real

CA: its a lot of FAKE FUCKIN HORSEFEATHERS

CA: noww go and be cleansed by the light of truth purity nonfakeness hope and abovve all SCIENCE

gardenGnostic's johnnytop exploded.

[ltlemon]

Watch me scream about OFMD episode 7 for a little while (pt.2 to the first post, now with more italics) (this is just me live blogging the whole episode, so major spoilers obviously)

ok here we go boys! (gn)

wait hold on before I start I'm gonna make an educated guess here and say its gonna open on ed and stede in the morning, just hanging out in bed/maybe having breakfast. I'm calling it.

ok so not OPEN OPEN, but lets just say we're getting that in a short bit here (little sad I didn't get it right)

OHHH baby.... :(

he's throwing his old clothes overboard. :(

HE IS WEARING STEDE'S RING THOUGH. That's a good sign.

'bye-bye.' pleaase that's so cutee 🥺 he's finally letting go :')

WAIT IS THAT TOAST ON THAT TRAY??

I GOT IT HALF RIGHT THEN, IT OPENS IN THE MORNING DURING BREAKFAST

aaa he's carrying it in his mouth

wait where's he going

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOLY SHIT HE MADE-

HE MADE IT!!!?!? FOR THEM TO EAT TOGETHERQ?!??!?!?

I WAS RIGHT!!!! I WAS FUCKING RIGHT!!!!!!!!

YES!!! I AM NOT COMPETITIVE IN ANY WAY!!

okokokokok I need to watch this

ADHUYg HE DIDN'T HAVE TWO TRAYS FOR THE BOTH OF THEM HE JUST STOLE A BITE OF STEDES TOAST

he's so cat coded istg

god that is nothing. that's like,,,one piece of bacon that you broke up into three pieces.

he's trying his best

yeah what's with the twine.

omfg

I love him

HOLY SHIT HES TELLING HIM ABOUT THE MERMAID DREAM????

FSTAYFDSJAYHSGBMH IM FREAKING OUTAAAAAAA

THIS IS WHAT I LIVE FOR

HDJGHSAYDGHDJ SASSY IZZY??????

HE FUCKING CONGRATULATED THEM!?!?!?!?!

?????

(He's jealous)

I'm dying here

ohhhhh that title card is my favorite so far <3333

Ricky gave you a whole ass clock?????? wow he really is weird huh.

hi frenchie <;33

'knobs with a red knotty doo-dad' that sure was a sentence

HEEHEE YESS ADD ANOTHER TO THE POLYCULE

YEAHHHH!! WADDUP!?

not Archie pointing at Olu lol

poor dude :(

EEEEEEEEEEEE they're at a little table!! so small!!! so cute!!!

'I've never been stabbed 😌👆' wow 😃 that's a first 😁'

eeeeheeeheeeheeeheeeeeeee yeesssss talk about your letters little man !!

oh bbg you know what kind of letters, just look at him.

'just letters 😀'

BREAKING NEWS: HE LOVES IT!!! HE LOVES THAT HE DID THAT!!!!

oh hi who are you 🥺 I like you a lot

AWW stede's little 'what??' is so precious

THEY DIDN'T PAY!!! EEEEEEEE

THEYRE SO WHOLESOME!!! GAH!!!

OMG HES TRYING TO MAKE SURE HE STAYS SAFEAA

'not just my face 😬' 'oh wow 😮'

'yeah someones definitely gonna try to kill you 😀 enjoy the night! 😁'

this is reminding me of when they switched clothes and ed used that opportunity to show him how bad being Blackbeard could be. 'you wanted this, this is what it's like' sort of thing.

whooo Jackie looks good!! love the hair.

WHOAH THE SWEDE LOOKS EVEN BETTER! THE JACKET, THE HAIR??

He slays.

just like his wife 🥺

HAHAHA EVEN LUCIUS AGREES, HE GETS IT

god I love love love Lucius's mannerisms they're so fun

not frenchie starting another pyramid scheme 😞

sigh...ed's so pretty....he's not even doing anything right now and yet he is the most beautiful man ever

that is his man and he is famous

aww stede listened to himm, he's excepted like three different drinks and has only sipped them.

'Why you dressed like a dirty ass orphan?'

Jesus Jackie you didn't have to bash him that hard

aww their interactions are really sweet actually

OK NVM THE SWEDE BASHED HIM HARDER ('oh, Blackbeard...are you a poor now?')

JUST NOTICED THE SWEDES JACKET IS A CROP TOP THATS AMAZING

aww...stede's slowly turning into him, but ed knows how that ends...he's happy that he's opening up, but he's mostly worried for him....

aww no olu....

AWW JIMS VOUCHING FOR HIM

(Archie too, but her influence may not be helping....)

YAYY they're succeeding in adding her to the polycule it seems!!

ohhhh that interaction with ed and izzy is so sweet though

izzy still hasn't gotten over him has he

HOLY SHIT !! ??

HE JUST SET A MAN-

HE JUST SET A MAN ON FIRE????

SO NONCHALANTLY?????

SIR??

AND HE'S LAUGHING ABOUT IT??? HOLY SHIT???

If ed was here he'd be getting war flashbacks

that man. is dead.

OH NO HES TELLING ED

AWWWW AW NOO BBG

again, he's happy for him, but he knows where this is going, and he knows his days with stede are numbered, it can't stay like this. everything's going to go to shit, and he knows it. he knows it deep in his bones.

!!

oh. oh here we go.

oh....oh no......

🥺

HE'S LEAVING???

To be a fisherman???

man catches a fish once and decides to make it his job, that is the most ADHD thing ever.

ohhhh, oh no, does stede think he's joking....?

'you liked that fish, you said it was a good fish...! 🥺' I'm crying

NOOOOOO I'm watching this to RECOVER from GOS2 not feel the pain again!!! AAAAA

!!!!!!!!

HE'S NOT A COWARD YOU BASTARD AA

Is frenchie seriously selling planks from the ship?????

or are they just random planks maybe

awwww nooo is he seriously coping with a breakup by talking to his fans

'fucking off, sir' is a really good line. (also I love whoever that guy is he's really tall and buff and I just think that's neat)

HE THINKS HE'S A GOOD FREIND !!

AWWW

OH. MY. GOD. THEY'RE BONDING OVER ED.

THIS IS HOW IZZY SHOULD BE USED FELLAS

THIS IS IT.

they. they smiled at each other a little bit. :'))

AWWWWW JIMMM <33 they're so sweet.

all that stuff about killing all of his friends was, I believe, indeed a little but intense.

aw <3

the- the hand!! POLYCULE ACHIEVED!!!!!! YAY!! good job Jim!

wait. no polycule...? that scene was a bit vague but olu did say 'I'm gonna go with Zheng now' so...no polycule...? if that is true then I'm actually really sad about that because he seems to really like Jim....Olu has two hands guys this is the best possible outcome.

WAIT, BUT JIM IS BRINGING UP SHARING ROOMS WITH THE FOUR OF THEM....??

aw come on stede you're interrupting the moment, they're figuring stuff out rn

I mean he is a little justified she did try to murder like all of them just a little bit ago

but also like

there must be a reason your crew is being friendly towards her, you should ask them about it instead of doing whatever this is

oh my godd stede why are you like thiss

oh poor izzy...he's just watching...he suggested they go back to the ship before any fights broke out but no...stede has to get up and go pick on someone right in front of him;

'I'm going to pretend you didn't just touch your sword 😁' yeah me too

OH DAYUM SHE WENT LOW FOR THAT ONE HOLY SHIT

oh he's PISSED

'who told you that.'

oh baby boy people can guess stuff like that pretty easy with you guys

THAT GUY'S NAME WAS STEAK KNIFE???

NOO STEAK KNIFE </3

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE A DUMBASS STEDE

BEARS GET KILLED.

'draw' live izzy reaction: 'oh, bonnet...'

aww ole's little 'nice' when Zheng draws her sword is really cute

HAH! Man threw a whole ass bottle at her

OH NO ARCHIE !!

GET HIM JIM!!!!!

YEAH!!

IZZY JUST HIT A MAN WITH A CHAIR????

the crew of the revenge really does keep screwing up jackies whole deal huh. yeah they should go outside. go outside.

stede's such a bastard!! god!! why are you like this!!!???

she just hit his ass with a plank????

OH. SHIT.

IS SHE DEAD???

??????????????????????

ohh, roach is really cute.

but uh,, uhm,, uh anyways as I was saying,

IS SHE DEAD???? 'CAUSE IT SURE LOOKS LIKE THAT!!

There's no way two people in a show can get hit in the head with a cannon ball and survive there's NO WAY.

anyways.

I'm really normal right now, time to wait a week. 😀

[waitimcomingtoo]

Mackie

Pairing: Tom Holland x actress!reader

Synopsis: any chance he gets, Anthony teases you and Tom about your relationship

Masterlist

Anthony Mackie was onto you.

It all started when he realized you and Tom weren’t actually dating, like he thought you were.

“Which Avenger would you sleep with if given the chance?” The journalist asked you, Brie, and Scarlett during a junket.

“Tom Holland.” You answered immediately. “Oh, did you mean the character?”

The girls laughed at your answer as you shrunk down in your seat. Everyone else answered with Thor, making your answer stick out even more.

“Wait, did they ask the guys this?” You wondered. “And follow up, did Tom say me?”

“I can ask.” The journalist chuckled and pulled out her phone. “My friend Jack is interviewing them in the other room.”

“Oh My God.” Brie groaned. “Now I want to know.”

You held your breath in anticipation as you waited for Jack to text back. Finally, the journalist felt a buzz and checked her phone.

“Tom did in fact say your character.” She laughed as she showed you the text.

“He did?” Your eyes widened. “Oh my God. That’s it. We’re having sex tonight. I’m telling him right now.”

The cast laughed at your antics as you sent Tom and quick text and shut off your phone to pay attention to the rest of the interview. You knew it was a joke, but you forgot that Tom didn’t know the context of your text. So when he checked in phone in the room where the boys were being interviewed, he was quite confused.

“I just got a text from Y/n saying “we’re having sex tonight” in all caps.” He laughed in shock. “What is going on?”

“Damn.” Anthony stated. “She texts you in advance?”

“No.” Tom blushed. “We’re not even together.”

“What are you talking about?” Anthony asked. “I thought you were?”

“We’re not.” Tom insisted. He always hated when he was reminded of the fact that you and him were just friends and he didn’t want to stay on the topic.

Anthony, on the other hand, wasn’t as inclined to let it go. He leaned back in his chair and stared at Tom, always looking for new ways to bother his younger cast mate.

“Hm.” Anthony drawled. “Interesting.”

A few months later, Tom, Anthony, and Sebastian were invited to a comic con in Chicago. They were known as one of the more chaotic pairings of cast members, so the interview consisted of constant digs at one another. And of course, Anthony took any chance he got to tease you and Tom.

“You must spend a lot of time together when filming these movies.” The journalist said to the couch. “Do you guys hang out off set too? Are there any Avenger pool parties we don’t know about?”

“Look, Toms a little asshole.” Anthony began. “Him and his little girlfriend are absolute children on set. We can’t take them anywhere.”

“His girlfriend?” The journalist asked.

“I mean Y/n.” He corrected, making the audience cheer. “They say they’re not dating but we all know.”

“We’re not.” Tom whined into his mic. “Stop saying that. People are gonna start believing you.”

“Because it’s true!” Anthony insisted. “You should see the two of them on set. They’re always touching and hugging. And I’m pretty sure I caught them in the dressing room one time. I won’t say what they were doing, but I could hear the bed creaking.”

Tom turned bright red and covered his face. He knew Anthony was just teasing, but it still embarrassed him. He collected himself and held his microphone up again, ready to dish it back to Anthony.

“You’re just mad because she likes me more.” Tom said, eliciting cheers from the audience.

“Uh uh.” Anthony shook his head. “Shes loves me. All the ladies love me.”

“Not Y/n.” Tom shook his head. “She loves me.”

“I think we can all agree Y/n loves me the best.” Sebastian cut in smugly. “It’s fairly obvious.”

“Did someone say my name?” Your voice sounded from a microphone, making everyone scream. Tom, Anthony, and Sebastian looked at each other in confusion upon hearing your voice.

“Wait, what?” Anthony laughed into his microphone as he looked around. Suddenly, your characters theme song came on the speakers as you came out from backstage.

“Hi!” You came out onto the stage waving. The crowd stood up upon your arrival and became deafening. Tom turned around, caught sight of you, and bolted out of his seat.

“Y/n?” He asked as he ran towards you. He immediately scooped you up in a hug, lifting you off the ground to spin you around.

“Hi Tommy.” You mumbled in his ear as you squeezed him back. Tom set you down but continued hugging you, kissing the side of your face multiple times. The audience went wild at this display of affection, prompting you to kiss his cheek back. You walked back to the couch hand in hand, taking a seat next to each other.

“I didn’t know you were coming.” Tom said into his mic as he picked it back up.

“I wanted it to be a surprise.” You laughed, earning more cheers. “I’m filming something in Toronto but I wouldn’t miss a convention for the world. And I wanted to see you.”

Tom pouted and pulled you into another long hug. It had been a few weeks since you’d seen him, so you pressed a long kiss to his cheek.

“Do we all get kisses or just Tom?” Anthony asked, interrupting the moment.

“I was thinking the same thing.” Sebastian spoke up.

“Seb can have one but I’m not coming near you.” You teased as you walked over to Sebastian. You bent down to kiss his cheek before sticking your tongue out at Anthony.

“You look so pretty, darling.” Tom said once you sat back down.

“Please.” You rolled your eyes. “I’m so jet lagged.”

“I don’t look nearly this beautiful when I’m jet lagged.” Tom complimented you.

“Oh, I beg to differ.” You complimented back.

“Kiss kiss kiss kiss.” Anthony chanted into his mic while pumping his fist. The crowd roared as you and Tom rolled your eyes.

“Don’t start, Anthony.” You told him. “He does this all the time.”

“So I’ve heard.” The journalist laughed. “How was your flight, Y/n?”

You settled into Tom’s side as you talked about your flight and other random things. When the attention was off you, Tom slipped his arm around you and let it rest on the back of the couch. He felt you shiver at one point and realized you were sitting right under the air conditioning.

“Are you cold?” He asked you, making the audience laugh.

“A little.” You said sheepishly. He immediately took off his jacket and draped it over your shoulders, making the crowd go wild.

“Thanks, Tommy.” You chuckled as you slipped your arms into the sleeves. They were warm from his body heat and his cologne was lingering on the collar.

“Wow.” Anthony started up again. “You guys look like a couple.”

“A couple of besties.” You said quickly, making Tom shake his head.

“Uh huh.” Anthony said sarcastically. “If you guys aren’t dating, then why are you two always touching?”

“Because we love each other.” Tom snapped playfully. “You just don’t understand because girls don’t want to touch you.”

“Damn.” Anthony laughed. “Y/n, are you gonna let your boyfriend talk to me like that?”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” You replied. “We would make a terrible couple. I still haven’t forgiven him for the stamp act and I don’t see us getting past that.”

“Baby, it wasn’t me.” Tom played along. “It was my ancestors. I’d never tax your stamps.”

“Uh Uh.” You rolled your eyes. “That’s what they all say.”

“I’m gonna move on before I break you guys up.” The journalist teased, making you and Tom roll your eyes. “You guys have been playing these characters for a while so you must know them pretty well. What is something you have in common with your character?”

“That’s easy.” Anthony answered. “We’re both a cool black dude.”

“That’s exactly what I was going to say.” Tom joked, earning some laughs.

“Easy there, wonder bread.” Anthony laughed. “Don’t get ahead of yourself.”

“What about you, Y/n?” The journalist asked. “What do you have in common with your character?”

“Something my character and I have in common is that we both fuck this man.” You smiled as you clapped Tom on the back. Everyone on the couch’s jaw dropped as the crowd became deafening. Tom looked at you incredulously as you laughed.

“I’m just kidding.” You laughed into your microphone. “Um, I don’t know. We’re both pretty passionate about what we believe in. And we both wear a lot of black.”

“What?” Sebastian laughed. “You can’t just say that. That was a total 180.”

“I’m sorry.” You whined playfully. “It was a perfect opportunity and I had to take it.”

“I am literally speechless.” Tom said into his mic before breaking down into laughter. You leaned into each other as you laughed, not caring if no one else found it funny.

“I’m sorry.” You giggled. “Can we move on? Next question, please.”

“All right. Let’s talk about this kiss between your character and Loki.” The journalist began.

“Uh oh.” Anthony stirred the pot again. “Toms not gonna like this.”

“I don’t care.” Tom shrugged, but it was obvious that he was lying. You rested your hand on his shoulder to reassure him as you turned to answer the question.

“I actually had a lot of qualms before filming that scene.” You replied.

“Qualms?”

“Yeah.” You nodded. “I’m good friends with Taylor Swift so the first time I met Hiddleston, it was as her boyfriend. So the whole thing gave me serious qualms. I felt like I was breaking girl code.”

“That’s surprising since you improvised one of the kisses.” Sebastian, also looking for drama, cut in. “I remember you were only supposed to kiss once and you went in for second.”

“Well that was after a few takes and my qualms had dispersed.” You shot back.

“You hear that?” Anthony smirked. “She had no qualms.”

“I still felt so bad but those thoughts were soon replaced by “oh my God, I’m kissing Tom Hiddleston.” My qualms didn’t stand a chance to him in that wig.” You chuckled. You felt Tom tense up under your hand so you squeezed his shoulder.

“I know.” The journalist agreed. “He’s very dreamy.”

“Exactly. We were three takes in and my pussy starts screaming, “get help! Get help!”” ,You mimicked Thor’s voice, “so I knew my qualms were gone.”

You once again had all the jaws dropped with your words. Tom buried his face in your neck as he laughed, his whole body shaking.

“That’s one way to put it.” The journalist said as he wiped tears. “I have to ask. Which Tom did you like kissing more?”

“I liked kissing Tom H the best.” You said cheekily.

“Ooo.” Anthony started again. “Are we about to witness a couples quarrel?”

“I think so.” Tom played along. He pretended to look annoyed with you so you cupped his face.

“I’m kidding.” You assured him. “It was so you.”

“It better be.” He insisted. “Remember you kissed me after we shot the swinging scene and we weren’t even filming?”

“Yeah.” You chuckled. “I was in love with you that day.”

“What happened?” The journalist wondered.

“Well, I grew up loving Spiderman.” You explained. “So spending the day swinging around in Toms arms while he was in the suit meant so much to me. The second Tom took his mask off, I just kissed him.”

“Is that when you started dating?” Sebastian asked.

“No. It is not.” Tom shoved him playfully.

The rest of the convention went by in a similar fashion, with Anthony taking every opportunity to tease you. Once you said your goodbyes to the crowd, you and Tom walked back to your dressing room with your arms around each other.

“I can’t believe Mackie still thinks we’re dating.” Tom sighed as he shut the door behind him.

“I know.” You chuckled before an idea came to you. “Wouldn’t it be funny if we actually started dating and didn’t tell him? Like, as a joke?”

“That would be hilarious.” Tom nodded too many times. “Like, I could ask you out right now and he’d have no idea. We could go on dates and make out and stuff and just not tell him. That’ll show him.”

“We should totally do that. As a joke.” You quickly followed.

“We should.” Tom nodded. “Imagine his face when he finds out we started dating and didn’t tell him? It’ll be priceless.”

“Ugh, I can’t wait.” You sighed happily. “He would lose his mind if he found out we finally started dating.”

“Did you say finally?” Tom asked with a coy smile. Your face fell when you realized you had said a little too much.

“I did.” You said softly. “Because it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while.”

“So have I. In that case,” Tom smiled shyly, “Y/n would you like to go on a d-“

“Yes.” You cut him off before he could even finish. “I would.”

2 years later

On a rare day off, you and Tom attended a barbecue in Anthony’s backyard with a few of the other cast members. You were sat on Tom’s lap, full off food and contently listening to the ongoing conversation.

“These burgers are great.” Chris said as he patted Anthony’s back. “Thanks for barbecuing.”

“I got you, man.” Anthony nodded. “I actually got the recipe for the blend from one of the caterers on set. Remember that place that catered lunch with the really good cornbread and burgers?”

“I do remember.” Scarlett smiled to herself. “The filming schedule worked out so all got to eat together that day. That was so nice.”

“It was nice.” Anthony agreed. “Just sitting in the sun in our costumes and bibs. We had some fun conversations going on. I’m pretty sure that was the day Tom and Y/n started dating.”

“No.” Tom rolled his eyes. “We started dating after that one convention. Remember the one where Y/n surprised us on stage? We started dating that night.”

“Wait, you guys are actually dating?” Anthony sat up in his seat. “I was just playing with you.”

“We know. So we played with you right back.” You shrugged smugly. “We started dating to get back at you for all the jokes.”

The rest of the cast exchanged confused looks as you and Tom relished in your victory.

“But....” Anthony blinked in confusion, “you didn’t tell me until two years later.”

“Yeah. Because we were committed to the joke.” Tom said like it was obvious.

“Duh.” You added.

“Let me get this straight.” Antony rubbed his temples. “You started dating as a way to get back at me for teasing you?”

“Yep.”

“But you didn’t tell him you started dating.” Scarlett continued.

“Nope.”

“So you’ve been dating in secret for two years without him knowing.” Don went on.

“Yep.

“But....you see this as revenge on me?” Anthony asked with a tilted head.

“Yep.” You laughed. “In your face.”

“In my face?” Anthony raised his eyebrows. “How so?”

“Because we totally got you.” You bragged. “Look at your face right now. You had no idea we were actually together.”

“What an idiot.” Tom shook his head. “This guy, am I right?”

The cast exchanged another look as you and Tom continued not to understand why dating in private didn’t exactly count as revenge against Anthony.

“Okay.” Anthony said skeptically. “So let me ask you this. Now that I know about the joke, will you stop dating?”

You and Tom quieted down as Anthony brought up something you hadn’t thought of.

“Well, no.” Tom began as he looked at you. “We like dating each other.”

“So essentially, this had nothing to do with me.” Anthony concluded. “You two just wanted to date each other but used me as an excuse.”

You and Tom opened your mouths to defend yourselves, but shut them when you realized he was right. You looked at each other sheepishly before shrinking down in your seats from embarrassment.

Anthony Mackie may have gotten the better of you.

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