#wow this really got long

[severevoiddragon]

I haven't seen anyone talk about how Joel and Bdubs genuinely helped Pearl. Like, they knew what her task was. But they valued their alliance more than the reward they may have gotten for guessing correctly. And pearl was. So scared they'd guess seriously, like she was literally running away as Joel spoke his 'guess', and then turned around like 'oh'. She'd put so much into that alliance, but didn't expect them to reciprocate it. But they did. And I think that shocked her in a positive way.

[thankstothe]

Some notes on Wilson's marriages/divorces, and how he met House:

• House didn't just meet a freshly divorced Wilson. He met barely married Wilson, who just got notified about his #1 divorce by a lawyer, not his wife

• Wilson walked around with papers on hand, long enough to give House a chance to sneak a peek. The same day he received the news. (there's a chance it was some sort of middle step in the divorce procedure, but "just served", checkmate your honor)

• House 100% knew that when he bailed him out. No, I don't have any concrete evidence besides "it's fucking House"

• House had Wilson observed the entire time to know he didn't open the papers. The divorce lawyer prob gave him an idea of what it is, and he was just marinating in the suffering juice

• House had to be nosy and stealthy when he checked the package Wilson clung to, he saw what's written on it

• They didn't actually talk at the conference itself, so House did it silently too

• There was a law firm address on the papers, and you couldn't just google shit then. House's had to remember it to investigate it further, or he already knew of the firm (or it said "BLAH LAW FIRM BLAH HERE'S YOUR DIVORCE PAPERS, LOSER", which is possible)

• Wilson likely opened them in a hotel room (or he looked at the package sadly/angrily there too), needed a drink, and House was at the bar

• House was watching Wilson at that conference, then at the bar, then meltdown over the song, then the whole fight and the mess, then the detention, and was like yeah I'll bail that

• "First words you ever said to me." This is when they first talked, Wilson was in jail and the one in need

• Ok alright, hear me out, if House didn't know what the papers were at the time of bailing. There are 2 paths for him to find out

• Wilson STILL had them on hand in jail

• Or Housey saw them at Wilson's hotel room. Yeah

• It's been over the decade since they've met and they both vividly remember the details of that drunk night (I get why for storytelling purposes. Still... Much to think about)

• That conference is either the last one, or one of the lasts, House attended. And that one was already boring to House without Wilson. 15 years prior to s06e06 "Known Unknowns", can't do the timeline magic I just eyeball it

• House also introduced Wilson to Cuddy pretty soon, since she was a witness to the levels of despair he was apparently in

• House might've pestered Cuddy to hire him, or she chose to do so herself (whenever she was dean). Maybe House chased away some poor oncologist to make an opening. Even if House isn't as obsessed with Wilson at the start of season 1, he's always plotting

• There's the brother thing too. Wilson still fresh out of med school, still divorcing, still guilty af and looking for the brother in Princeton, so he was happy to work there

• Prior to that, Wilson was working 2 jobs to support himself and Sam and was ready to follow her to Baltimore

• The divorce and meeting House happened in 1991, the same year USSR completely fell apart. Just thought I'll throw that in #educational

• Wilson was married, non-fraudulently, for 12 years total

• Marriage #1 has only lasted 1 year

• That means every marriage House was present for has lasted longer #math

• Wilson found a way to get fulfilled while in the marriage

• Now he's got a needy bitch with infinite problems and who will slurp any poison he has to siphon

• I'd argue House is what made Wilson bearable at home

• At the same time, House is what kept Wilson away from home, ultimately contributing to the divorce

• Wilson himself describes his marriages as crappy - he doesn't really need help destroying them. House still helps~✨

• Timeline gets wonky, but there couldn't have been much of a downtime between marriages, a couple of years max

• "Fell in love at the wedding" - whatever the fuck that means for Wilson

• Either Wilson met Sam through that wedding, and she also aimed to work in medicine - how they've connected. Or they went there as a couple, both being med students? Got high on emotions and jumped into marriage

• Wilson speedruns relationships once he's in them, so it could've gone "hey that was a nice wedding, how about we have our own?"

• He fucking sucks at proposals, his looks and general air of niceness carried him all 3 times, I will not be hearing any objections on the matter

• When Wilson talks to Cameron about cheating. He says, "I have (cheated). I always told them"

• "Them"

• It's could've been every marriage (#1, #2 and #3). If boy managed to sneak in cheating in his 1-year lightning marriage #1, while he was studying + 2 jobs (now I don't doubt his time management skills, but it's still a hassle. On the other hand, all that stress couldn't have been helping)

• Or it could be #1 and #2, or #1 and #3. But #3 is pretty much a certainty (he flirts with nurses on screen, House is also there), and it's "them", so why would he randomly stop in the middle? Don't think so

• What's most likely is - #2 and #3. When arguing with Sam (#1) again she didn't mention or allude to the cheating, her problem was that Wilson didn't communicate ANY emotions to her, she even admitted to House she made the most mistakes in that marriage, let's say there's some truth in that

• Wilson either didn't tell Sam about cheating, she didn't have a problem with it, or he lied to Cameron

• OR he didn't cheat on Sam

• He started to cheat after the first divorce AND his marriages started to last longer, which is funnier too

• He could've started cheating prior to House entering the picture, but much more likely - after. Divorce and/or House are the cause

• Speaking of. Meeting House is very tightly linked to the #1 divorce. Every time Wilson would think back on it, he would have to think about all the turmoil and getting bailed by House. And vice versa - every time he'd think back on meeting House...

• "I met someone who made me feel funny. And I didn't want to let that feeling go." Another Cameron talk. Ur honor, there's something on that wall

• btw, he is STILL married while meeting House, so if you hilson 1st-night-fuck truther, that meeting is his cheater origin story in a more practical sense. He then could've really meant all the marriages, but then he lied about telling Sam/Cameron, he might not count it since he's divorcing to tell Sam

• Ultimately, he's a huge liar, and I'm wasting my time. What I'm saying - nothing is really off the table with this guy in terms of hcs

• Aftermaths of #2 and #3 aren't really talked about like #1. It must've been really nuclear

• House says neither of them recovered from (#1) divorce to Wilson's face, Wilson doesn't contest that in any way. Even tho House didn't know Wilson before the divorce he usually right on the money with these things

• After the divorce #2 Wilson got 3 legged cat

• After failing to secure marriage #4 (#1 part 2) he got a diabetic cat

• Just like the thing he has with missing phone calls, after every divorce, consciously or not, he might expect a savior to bail him out

• After and during #3 he crashed at House's, then surfed hotels, then moved in with a dying patient, then Amber's, then House moved in with him (still Amber's)

• Maybe his wives kept taking properties in the divorce, and he just stopped getting them

• Man frankly didn't have a home for a while (HOMELESS BUT NOT HOUSELESS)

• Then Wilson finally commits and gets the place for himself and House, from Bonnie (#2)

• Wilson adamantly remains on good terms with his ex-wives (but not random exes. One helps House with a prank, House kept tabs bc of course)

• But Wilson thinks they hate him. Did he ever pay attention to them?

• While spending all the time with House, then cheating, telling his wives about it, Wilson gave them more attention and emotions to delay the divorce

• He also learned how not to get attached in marriage, to not get destroyed by the divorce (excellent gambit if you expect your marriage to fail)

• He has a better support system now too. Can't believe House is your support system, fucking lmao and ouch. Cuddy is his only other friend we see, maybe Stacy at some point (he kept in touch with after the incident)

• All his other friends and family we hear next to nothing about, at best they're surface level

• In season 5 he's only visited by the coworkers/House's team + Cuddy <- all that is pretty much House's tolerance circle

• House is pathetic, but Wilson is something else entirely

[calmbigdipper]

What you mean to me

[vsgigan]

things tarantula DNA makes you good at

[possamble]

do you have any particular thoughts regarding marcille being a half-elf? its interesting to me considering the fact that she seems self-conscious about being a half-elf, but denies it when its brought up

i remember marcille looking visibly uncomfortable over laios simply asking her how old she is, which i think the only reason she might feel nervous about this is because it might reveal her as a half-elf to him.

she's never corrected anybody whose called her an elf either.

never mind the circumstances of the reveal, in which thistle goes on about how half-elves are inferior and accusing her of wanting to become full blooded elf, she seemed particularly upset like he struck a nerve-

i wish the half-elf thing was built upon more. also, underrated marcille line:

okay so i revisited this sequence just to make sure I could back myself up and it's just... man. there's a lot going on.

the first reaction we get from Marcille is this huge panel that takes up half of the page

she is viscerally affected. flushing to the tips of her ears with the intensity of it. and we see it again, a few pages later

so it might seem like she's embarrassed about it and lying to herself, but... I really think it's just that Thistle is accidentally hitting sore spots. If you really look at what he says to get these reactions

"you'll live out your entire life [...] and die that way too"

"a hundred years from now, nobody will be there"

Hear me out. I think, if he stuck to harping on about her inferiority without bringing up how terrifyingly long-lived she is, she wouldn't have been as bothered. But right now, Thistle is accidentally hitting all the marks on Marcille's deepest fears-- and this is after the Winged Lion promised her that her dreams could come true in an extremely vulnerable moment, so it also hits her slightly guilty conscience as well.

I do truly believe that Marcille isn't bothered about being a half-elf the way that people assume she'd be bothered by it. To her, the biggest problem with being a half-elf is that it's isolating.

On one hand, it's not hard to imagine why she'd distance herself from elves in the west. A lot of them can clock her as a half-elf on sight, unlike other races, and therefore she's always branded with this weird stigma of being Othered -- I would even say that she considers herself lucky for being born outside of elven culture instead of having to grow up in it. I mean, just... look at the way elves talk about her.

Skipping past the uncomfortable implication of what 'not tolerating the existence' of half-elves would actually entail, this is incredibly fucking annoying. You can see why she wouldn't want to be around elves much. You see a lot of Marcille reacting badly here, but honestly, almost all of it can be attributed to her freaking out that her bluff completely failed. She's honestly more paying attention to Izutsumi's footsteps and trying to coordinate an opportunity to escape.

And in the end, you see her built-up frustration at being asked if she wants to be a full-blooded elf like 2-3 times in a row.

Yeah, yeah, "the lady doth protest too much," and all. But we know Marcille. We know that she's a lot more embarrassed and horrendously unconvincing when she's being prodded about something she's actually self-conscious about.

Moving onto the flipside of things, it might seem weird that she "pretends" to be a full elf around other races, but it's not really that strange if you think about it. Again, people are weird about her being infertile or whatever, and a lots of them don't even know much about what sets half-elves apart from everyone else. I mean, look at how uncomfortable Laios is just asking her about it

and look at how exasperated and resigned she looks

And like... she's right. Where would that come up in normal conversation? Why would she go out of her way to tell them? She's functionally a normal elf to other races anyway -- got the ears, the abnormally long "childhood", and the huge mana capacity. Unless it's directly relevant or important for people to know, I don't think it's all that strange or indicative of insecurity that she prefers not to bother with it.

(This combined with her sense of being an "outsider" to elf culture also explains why she thinks elf superiority is embarrassing. She sees the way elves treat short-lived races from the "outsider" perspective nonetheless, and thinks it's obnoxious; especially more so because she usually has to play the elf around short-lived races and deal with the reputation of arrogance that elves have built up.)

The sad thing is, this all means that... she doesn't actually fit in anywhere. She doesn't like going out West much because of how elves treat her. But she's also an outsider in the continents she was born in, treated like this exotic long-lived alien choosing to live among short-lived races for some reason. She is always an outsider, the Other, no matter where she goes. Add in the fact that she'll live longer than literally anyone she knows, and it's honestly kind of heartbreaking.

And I think that's the crux of it. Marcille really doesn't act like she's at all self-conscious about being a half-elf because of any feelings of inferiority or being half-made or whatever. She considers herself a perfectly legitimate being and might even, in some ways, consider herself superior to normal elves because she's not blind with elf supremacy or whatever. (And whatever "elven biases" she displays, all of them are born more out of the fact that she's kind of bad at conceptualizing how other races age and mature compared to herself, not that she actually considers herself better or more mature simply for being an elf.)

I think that whatever self-consciousness Marcille has about being a half-elf is, instead, related to terror and loneliness. The reminder that it ensures she'll never truly belong anywhere for the rest of her very long life. The reminder that, in truth, even she's not actually sure how old she is by other races' standards (hence the discomfort when asked how old she is). She doesn't want to not be a half elf, or be a full elf or full tall-man-- in her ideal world, she's still a half-elf. She just gets to live out her life at the same pace with the people she loves and doesn't have to say goodbye again and again and again until she dies.

and one last very important panel, right after Mithrun tells her that all her desires would be devoured

In her ideal world, she's still a half-elf and reality magically starts marching at her pace. But failing that, the second best thing is that she's still a half-elf-- but one who is able to accept reality and let go of her fear.

(But the rest of the story pans out the way it does because, to Marcille, taking reality apart and reshaping it was less scary than simply and fully reconciling with it.)

[formereldestdaughter]

ok wait i need to hear more of your thoughts on peeta owning a bakery....

This is one of those rare times where I’m pretty sure this anon isn’t someone I know personally bc I’ve subjected anyone who will listen to my rant about the Peeta Bakery Headcanon. Anyway, you’re gonna regret asking this anon bc there are fucking Layers here.

I know this is probably a controversial take based on the number of fics where I’ve seen it, but I simply do not think that Peeta would open a commercial bakery after Mockingjay!! Like on a metatextual level, I don’t think it really fits with the point of the ending of the series. It actually sort of fascinates me that it’s just such a common headcanon because the ending of Mockingjay is exceedingly vague. I think that vagueness invites us, as readers, to imagine a better world post-revolution. A world where Katniss would feel confident that her children would be safe from injustice, where she’d feel confident that her children would never know want the way she did as a child. A just world. A kinder world. Can a capitalist society ever be just? Is a capitalist society where a disabled teenager has no other means to subsist himself (or feels like there’s no other way he can be a contributing member of his community) really the post-revolution world we dream of? Is that really the best we can imagine?

(This got so insanely long I’m adding a read more lmao)

I get that showing a better world is not always the point of post-mockingjay headcanons/fics. Like there are plenty of really great post-mockingjay fics I’ve seen where, yeah, part of the fic is that society like ISN’T all that different or all that much better. I’ve seen that really well done! Hell, I’ve written them myself! It’s easy to imagine how a lot of aspects of society would not get an overhaul, a lot of the same structural inequalities would continue to exist. One headcanon that really stuck with me (I can’t remember which fic it was from) was that Peeta sells basically mail order baked goods to people on the Capitol, sending them iced cakes and pastries by train, because there are still people who were “fans” of theirs during the Games. And idk this doesn’t actually have much to do with my point lol but I liked it because it’s kind of fucked up and like! Yeah! It makes sense! If he needed money that would be a good way to make it! War often makes people rich, often for horrible reasons, and often it’s people who already have capital in the first place.

Anyway, more about the hypothetical bakery because alright. I bring up the fact that “yeah society not being all that different post-revolution and still being an unjust capitalist hellscape” could be a reason why Peeta re-opens a bakery because that’s actually never the types of fics where I see the bakery headcanon. Fics where Peeta opens a bakery are usually trying to make the exact opposite point. Like. Things are getting better, now he can open a bakery! Look at how much better the world is now, plus he’s got a bakery! Peeta is healing, that’s why he can open a bakery now! And I am so, so sorry to inform everyone who’s never had the grave misfortune of owning a family business, but there is truly nothing further from the truth lmao. Like just putting aside the immense amount of emotional baggage that Peeta has about his family, running a small business is an insane amount of work in any context and being a baker especially is physically grueling and involves early hours (and long hours) that aren’t really the best fit with the multiple ways that Peeta is disabled now. (I could go into this more because I have a lot of thoughts. But I will spare you.). I also think it’s seen throughout the books that Peeta is someone who needs time to pursue creative outlets to process his feelings and someone who values leisure and values quality time with his loved ones. And having grown up in his family’s bakery, I think he’d understand the reality that running a bakery wouldn’t leave much space of those pursuits and wouldn’t leave much space for him to have the things that keep him healthy and stable. I think he’d know that the way he is now— after two Games and the war and unspeakable torture at the hands of a dictator—isn’t compatible with the lifestyle necessary for running a commercial bakery.

And tbh with that in mind, I don’t think he’d push himself to re-open a business (one that would be a constant reminder of his dead family and his complicated relationships with them that got no closure) that would require him to sacrifice his physical and emotional well-being. Like I think he might look into the possibility, I think he might even start trying to open a bakery out of a sense of obligation/duty, maybe harboring some idea that this is who he was supposed to be, who he would've been without the Games, or that it’s this last piece of his family that can live on, or that it’s this last connection to his family so he can’t let it die too. But ultimately, I think any attempt to open a bakery wouldn’t get very far. Maybe he'd start wading into the logistical nightmare that is small business ownership and realize it's not for him (because it's probably also true that as much as him and his brothers were involved in the business, there's almost certainly parts they weren't involved with and didn't see, i.e., filing taxes). Or maybe looking into opening a bakery— how triggering it is, the stress of it— causes a downward spiral. Maybe he hates how much he's worrying everyone by unraveling. Maybe having a breakdown from the stress of just trying to open a bakery makes him realize, yeah, maybe in another life he would have ran his family’s bakery but the way he is now just doesn’t work with running a bakery, not without great sacrifices he's not willing to make. I just can’t see a bakery coming to fruition.

I know a lot of fics include Peeta deciding to reopen a bakery as a big step in his healing or include him rebuilding a bakery as part of his healing process but honestly, I think the opposite would be more true: I think Peeta either trying/failing to open a bakery or ultimately deciding not to open a bakery would be hugely healing for him. I think it would be a huge part of him accepting the way he is now as a person, his new limitations but also his strengths. I think it would be a huge part of him accepting the way his life his now and accepting that he likes his life the way it is, that he’s satisfied with his life without needing to own a bakery. I think it would be an important part of him coming to terms with the loss of his family. I think he knows he can never have things back as they were and I don’t think he would try to recreate them, especially because his family’s legacy isn’t a business. I think he’s emotionally intelligent enough and self reflective enough to realize that what mattered to him about the bakery— taking care of others by feeding them, being integrated into his community and being actively involved in it, brightening people’s days with delightful things whether that’s beautiful cakes or hearty food or delicious treats— and the things he learned from his family through the bakery, are things that he can carry on in other meaningful ways.

(Do you regret sending this ask yet, anon? Because if not, you will soon. I’m not done yet. There’s more.)

I wasn’t really sure where to put this next part in what is rapidly becoming an essay because it sort of combines the points about like “what do we imagine a post-mockingjay society to look like” with the practical difficulties of starting this bakery but here’s another thing: do people really think that the Mellarks owned the land the bakery was on?? Like, sure, the merchants are the petit bourgeois of Twelve but I still don’t imagine they really own anything. In a society where houses are assigned to people upon marriage, where property ownership and capital are so closely interconnected with citizenship (as shown by the Plinths who, by having immense capital, are able to leave their District and become citizens of the Capitol) do people really think the Mellarks would be allowed to own the land their bakery is on?? I always imagined it sort of like a tenant farming situation: the Capitol gives them the raw materials for the bakery and in return the bakery give them some absurdly high portion of their profits, or the Capitol sells them a year’s supply of raw materials at a premium on credit and at the end of the year the Mellarks have to use the money they made with those materials to pay it back, except it’s never enough to turn a profit so they always have to buy next year’s materials on credit and the cycle continues.

We (understandably) get a really skewed view of the merchant class through Katniss’s perspective so I can see why people come to the conclusion that his family owned the property and, as the last surviving member, he would’ve inherited it. I’ve seen the inheritance thing in fics a lot or a hand wavey “well Twelve was decimated to no one owns anything anymore so it can be his” or even like an almost sort of reparations type situation where he’s entitled to the land as a surviving refugee of Twelve. But I don’t know. I guess I don’t think it fits with everything else we know about Panem that the Mellarks would’ve owned that land and I think the question of whether the government would’ve let him take ownership of the land post-revolution brings up a lot of issues about the structure of society post-Mockingjay that I find more interesting to explore in other ways, especially when, from an emotional perspective, 1) I find the idea of Peeta not opening a bakery more compelling and 2) I don’t think it really fits his character arc by the end of Mockingjay to reopen a bakery, as I went on about at length above lol.

On the flip side: literally who cares!! Do whatever you want!! Headcanon whatever you want!! I get why people go for the bakery!! It’s fun, it’s wholesome, it’s a built in bakery AU that isn’t even an AU. It doesn’t matter if it’s practical or realistic!! It doesn’t need to be practical or realistic!! It’s fanfic of a dystopian YA series!! My unfortunate affliction is that I grew up in a family that owned a restaurant and that I have multiple degrees in the social sciences so I can’t see the bakery without being like “What about the overheard? What about the start up costs? Who’s spending long nights balancing the books? Is Peeta covering shifts when an employee calls in sick? Is Peeta the sole person working there until the bakery is open long enough (often a year or more) to start turning a profit? How does that sleep schedule work with his nightmares? How does that work with Katniss’s nightmares? What happens when he has an episode and suddenly needs to take the day off before he has any employees? Does the bakery just remain closed for the day? Can the profit margins withstand regular unexpected closures? Can the supplies withstand regular unexpected closures?” And if the answer is “Elliott none of those things matter he’s not doing the bakery because he needs the money but because he wants to”, then my question is why does he want to? Does he not get the same sort of satisfaction out of feeding his loved ones? Doesn’t Peeta seem like someone who would rather give away baked goods than sell them?? Doesn’t Peeta seem like someone who would prefer to make cakes for people’s special occasions upon and then when they insist on paying him for it, he only lets them “pay for the ingredients” which actually cost significantly more than he says they did??

So yeah my point is that it’s a matter of personal taste! It doesn’t fit the way I see the series but that doesn’t mean it’s like wrong, I’m not an authority on Peeta lmao.

It’s also a matter of personal taste in the sense that I find the themes that most resonate with me at the end of Mockingjay (and the end of Peeta’s arc specifically) more interesting to explore in other ways. Grief, living with loss, relearning yourself, finding hope, figuring out your place in a dramatically different world when you don’t even know who you are anymore, healing, building a new life after such complete and total destruction of your old life— those are all things I find compelling about the end of Mockingjay but for me the bakery isn’t the most compelling way to explore them.

Not to say I find the concept of the bakery totally uninteresting. I have this fic about Johanna that I’ll probably never finish where the point sort of is that, yeah, her life really isn’t all that much better after the war. It’s been years at this point and she’s still miserable and she doesn’t know how to be a person but by the end she’s trying to figure it out. And towards the end, Peeta tells her that he’s spent years sort of passively, half-heartedly trying to figure out how to inherit the land his family’s bakery was on, only to find out it was never theirs in the first place. They’d been renting it the whole time and he’d never even known as a kid. So he sort of passively, half-heartedly went on another wild goose chase to find the owner and now, finally, after years of writing to various government agencies and being sent in circles and things being barely functional, he’s managed to track down the owner. Now it’s owned by the daughter of the man who owned it when he was a kid because the original owner (who was likely up to some sketchy war crime shit) died during the war and she inherited it (the irony…). He got in contact with her and asked how much it would take for her to sell it and she told him she’s not interested in selling but in light of the situation, in light of the fact that he’d have to build a new building in order to operate a bakery, that she’d cut him a deal— she’d only require 50% of the bakery’s profits as rent instead of the 80% his family used to pay. And of course Johanna is outraged, that’s not right, the owner shouldn’t be allowed to do that, they should do something about it, they should fight back. And Peeta is like. Not interested. He was actually sort of relieved that opening wasn’t very feasible. Getting the answer was a lightbulb moment where he saw that over the years of trying to look into this, he’s built a life that he likes— one where he’s stable, where his loved ones are stable, where he’s cared for and can care for others— and he doesn’t really want to change it drastically by opening a bakery anyway. He just needed an answer, one way or another, before he could get some closure and move on. (And the point of the conversation is Johanna is having her own lightbulb moment that it’s okay to move on, it’s okay to change, it’s not a betrayal of the people and things she’s lost but that’s not my point here!!).

But anyway. That’s obviously not about running the bakery— it’s about the choice to not run one.

Anyway!! Anyway… are you satisfied anon? Is this what you wanted?

Lastly, here is my most important qualm with the bakery headcanon: must Peeta be gainfully employed? Is it not enough for him to be Katniss’s boytoy? Can’t he just paint and garden and bake and hang out with his girlfriend all day? Is that really too much to ask?

[dynjir]

Memory Lane

Part 1 of 2

[Next]

---

Initially this was just going to be a series of really rough sketches, but the more I stared at it, the more it kept growing..?

I have no concept of reasonable project scopes <:'D

[queer-reader-07]

op could you elaborate on the she/her muriel thing. because i totally get what you mean but i find it so hard to articulate why... its just like. mmmmm. canon they/them character. but you wont respect their prns. but then again i enjoy when people get genderwierd w the ineffable spouses. would you respect my prns if you cant even respect a fictional character. is that the same thing. idk.

hi anon! i'll try best to elaborate, but apologies in advance if it comes off a bit... intense?

to give some context to my words:

i am nonbinary

i am afab

my pronouns are they/them

most everyone with the exception of close friends and people on the internet misgender me with she/her pronouns because they perceive me as a woman.

i think the root of it for me is that muriel has no experience interacting with earth, let alone humans, before they're sent down to be Inspector Constable. and because they have no experience with humans, they most definitely have very little context for the human construct that is gender. muriel's pronouns are they/them because those are the default gender neutral pronouns in english. muriel (like the other angels and demons) is referred to with they/them pronouns because, for all intents and purposes, they don't have gender.

whereas aziraphale and crowley (and even gabriel to a certain extent) have interfaced with humanity enough to have developed some level of understanding regarding gender, and possibly even an understanding of what they want their gender to be/be perceived as.

additionally, crowley and aziraphale play with gender in a way that feels very intentional to me.

crowley has canonically, in the show, presented femme. meta writers far more skilled than me have examined how, during the crucifixion scene, crowley is very obviously dressed more like the women in the background than the men. and it's not just in the historical flashbacks that we see crowley's genderfuckery. his modern look is comprised of a combination of femme and masc pieces. he wears a woman's cut waistcoat and his "11 years ago" look features women's sunglasses. all while inhabiting a decidedly man-shaped body.

i'm also just going to remind the audience that crowley outright denies being "a lad" in season 2. he straight up told us he's not A Dude.

aziraphale's genderfuckery is definitely less obvious and some might say debatable. that being said, i would make the argument that aziraphale's tendency to dress and present in a way that results in him being almost universally perceived as not only A Gay Man, but an effeminate gay man at that, is a quintessential example of gender as performance. and i do believe that aziraphale is making a very conscious and deliberate choice to present as a gay man. for fuck's sake he calls himself THE Southern Pansy, he knows what he's doing.

also, i know it didn't actually happen, but we almost got both of them presenting femme in the 60s so like. there's that too.

so, to me, it's ok to fuck around with crowley and aziraphale's genders in fanfic and art and the like because they do so canonically. the book makes it very clear that they are "man-shaped" but not necessarily men, ie they have chosen bodies that are perceived as being A Gender but that doesn't mean they technically are.

whereas muriel does not. muriel doesn't have a concept of gender because they haven't been on earth or around humans long enough to develop one. they are only ever referred to with gender neutral language. so it just feels really gross to me when people choose to she/her them. because to me it feels like saying "well this body that appears woman-shaped to me must mean they are a woman" which is a sentiment i, unfortunately, know all too well.

muriel is a character that is canonically referred to with they/them pronouns, on a major TV show on a major streaming platform no less. so it really fucking sucks to see people disregard that because they "can't remember to they/them muriel" or because they "seem like they use she/her."

to put it bluntly, every single argument i've ever read in favor of she/her-ing muriel has boiled down to "i just can't be bothered to remember they use they/them" and if you can't use a fictional characters pronouns correctly then i have zero faith you can use a real person's pronouns correctly. all i hear when i read those arguments is "i can't be fucked to do the bare minimum of gendering trans people correctly."

and lastly, i know it's genderfuckery when people she/her aziraphale and crowley because they're "man shaped" in the book and played by male actors in the show. but i don't have much faith that it's genderfuckery when people she/her muriel because i can almost guarentee it happens for no other reason than the fact that Quelin Sepulveda is a woman.

[celluzu]

Bad's cubito is like a bug but specifically the sad little hollow knight ones with liquid coming out of them

[applegreenrunnerbean]

Oh Boy I've just come up with an exceptionally Cursed headcanon:

It's Gimli and Legolas who bring Maglor to Valinor

Maglor comes across Legolas and Gimli on a beach, desperately trying to make a boat based on their collective memories of Cirdan's ships. Gimli asks why can't they just ask the Men who, you know, definitely have boats, but Legolas is like No, It Has To Be Elven To Get There.

And Maglor has Boat-Related Trauma, but he's admittedly curious that Legolas is determined to take a dwarf with him. So he stays around to keep an eye on them, staying hidden of course. But like, Legolas is a tracker, he's from the Forest Known For Good Trackers, and definitely learnt stuff hanging around with Aragorn, so he definitely notices Someone is watching them. And Maglor, of course, notices that he notices, and then they're playing like a bizarre game of chicken as Legolas tries to spot Maglor, and Gimli is Fully Convinced Legolas is just going a bit nuts from their boat-building efforts.

Of course, in the end its Gimli who somehow provokes Maglor into revealing himself, maybe by speaking Sindarin with a semi-Feanorian accent, as he was taught by Arwen, who was taught by Elrond, who was brought up by Maglor himself? Legolas quickly captures Maglor - he's been waiting for this opportunity for WEEKS - and Maglor could probably escape if he tried, but his magic is fading, and he is so tired.

Legolas, of course, realises who Maglor is, but has to explain to Gimli, and his explanation is tangled in the two positions of "The Feanorians are scum and deserve everything they got" of his childhood, and "Yes they did bad things but, really the Doriathrim should reinforce their glass houses if they want to throw stones" of Elrond (and subsequently, Arwen, Aragorn, and most of "modern" First Age historians).

Gimli is confused, but he gets the gist that Thranduil's people hate Maglor, and that's a good enough recommendation for him (Gimli is never anything but unfailingly polite to Legolas' kin, much to their frustration).

Maglor becomes their 'prisoner' - mainly because Legolas is worried that if he turns up in Valinor and tells Elrond he saw Maglor and let him get away, he'll want to sail straight back again - and is tied up with a rope made by Galadriel that Legolas was saving for a special occasion. Maglor and Gimli communicate in a mixture of Sindarin and Westron (of course Maglor, the most linguistically inclined of Feanor's sons, would have at least picked up the new language in his millenia of wandering). Gimli is quite pleased to meet an elf who doesn't have any anti-dwarfism at all, and they get on quite well.

Despite previously mentioned trauma, Maglor is able to make some useful suggestions towards the boat-building effort - he has already made this journey the other way once, of course, and has been hanging around the coast for literal Ages. He makes all sorts of arguments as to why he shouldn't be taken with them - that he doesn't deserve it, that Valinor should not be cursed with his presence, that he will be a burden on them. When Legolas and Gimli have one of their many discussions about how, exactly, they are going to convince the Valar to let Gimli stay, Maglor argues that taking him with them would hinder their cause, as the Valar are still no doubt wroth with him.

At which Legolas looks at Maglor with a very sly smile and declares, why of course Lord Maglor, what an excellent idea! You shall serve as an excellent distraction so I can smuggle my dwarf in. Maglor doesn't have the heart to explain that that's not really how it works, in the face of Legolas' optimism (and it is so nice to meet an elf who is optimistic, who laughs and loves without fear). And, he justifies to himself, if his coming to Valinor can help these two in some way, then maybe his inevitable Casting Out by the Valar will be worth it.

So they set sail in the most peculiar-looking craft, which is part Cirdanian ship, part Mannish fishing boat, part Alqualonde swanship (Maglor is doing his best to ignore the irony). Maglor is mainly in charge of navigating, while Legolas does most of the actual sailing, and Gimli reminds the pair of them to eat and sleep, and tells Maglor stories of his people, of the reclaiming of Erebor (with interjections from Legolas who was actually there, thank you very much Gimli, and the Mirkwood elves had good reason to distrust Thorin in the end didn't they? (a very loud argument ensues, in which Maglor has to take over the helm, and is fully prepared for them to turn around to take Gimli back to Middle-earth, and is extremely surprised when, the next day, Gimli and Legolas tearfully apologise to each other and are back to being as sickeningly Married as before)), and of the War of the Ring.

Maglor has managed to stay relatively abreast of general goings-on, via eavesdropping - he tried to drown himself several times when he heard of Celebrimbor's fate, but Ulmo wouldn't let him - but it is different to hear first-hand accounts. He tries (and fails miserably) to seem impartial when ever Elrond is mentioned, and laughs, properly truly laughs, for the first time in Ages when Gimli tells him of Galadriel's gift to him.

They come in sight of Tol Eressea, and Legolas and Gimli are overjoyed that it worked, while Maglor is extremely anxious. But he senses Ulmo's presence in the water around him, and is calmed by it. He doesn't know if his understanding with Ulmo will extend to him being allowed in Valinor, but he appreciates it all the same. They aim for Avallone, not Alqualonde (for obvious reasons) but a wind blows them off course, and they end up landing (definitely not crashing) on the shores east of Taniquetil.

They are met by Manwe, who is not amused. Legolas is defiant, and Maglor is resigned, but it is Gimli who manages to talk Manwe round, speaking so eloquently and persuasively, in Sindarin, on not just his behalf, but Maglor's also, that Manwe, with some gently prodding from Ulmo in wave form, relents. He says Gimli can stay, though reminds him it is not indefinite, and when it is his time he must go to Mandos; and declares Maglor's fate shall be decided by the Noldor themselves, as the Valar have learnt not to meddle in Eldarin affairs when they are not wanted.

Manwe turns into the wind and leaves; and then a boat turns up, landing much more gracefully than Legolas', containing Elrond, Gandalf, and Finrod. The reunions are very emotional: Finrod surprises Maglor by wrapping him in a fierce hug, before letting Elrond take his turn. Maglor is ridiculously apologetic to Elrond, who declares him forgiven, and calls him atar, which makes Maglor break down in tears. Legolas and Gimli are saddened to hear the Hobbits made their way to Mandos a few decades ago, but are glad to see Gandalf and Elrond once more.

Then Finrod, very apologetically, says that he is technically here to arrest Maglor, but, on medical grounds (looking pointedly at Maglor's scarred hand and general state of dishabille) he can be released into Elrond's custody, immediately. They return on the ship (not Legolas', which is in bits) to Tol Eressea.

Later, when he's improved somewhat physically and mentally, Maglor is tried in the 'new' judicial system in Tirion (trial by jury has been used by Finarfin's justice department for good few millennia now, but its still considered 'new' for elves). He is, of course, found guilty of various war-crimes and acts of murder - though not of kidnapping, as Elrond convinces his blood-parents not to press charges, by threatening to never speak to them again.

However, the judge (carefully selected from the post-First Age elves, so as to be unbiased as possible) commutes his sentence, declaring Maglor's self-imposed penance enough, but that he must work to pay reparations to those he harmed. This is after Gimli gives evidence, in an impassioned and beautiful speech describing how Maglor was when they found him, how much physically and mentally he was suffering. The speech is so good it goes down in legend as a great piece of oration, made even more remarkable in that it was spoken by a dwarf, who could not call on an innate oratory power as elves do when public speaking.

Gimli goes on to have a fairly illustrious career as a diplomat and public speaker in Valinor, so much so that Manwe convinces Namo to delay bringing Gimli to Mandos three times, so as to not upset Valinorean politics. Gimli is celebrated as Carpalaure by the Noldor long after his passing.

[navree]

I'm constantly baffled how many writers seem to overlook and mischaracterize Jason when he has arguably the most potential of all the Batkids, or at least the Robins! Like, so much can be built upon wrt his life as an impoverished youth and how that informs his perception of vigilantism, law enforcement, drug abuse, etc. Hell, his resurrection itself is something he had over the rest of the Batfamily for the longest time, before everyone else got a take a turn and it became so overused that Jason's own trauma became a footnote. Alas, most people at DC just treat him as the "Angsty Bad Boy™️" who doesn't play nice with the other kids. He's so wasted, Jason Todd deserves better.

I've always felt that if you're going to try and write a finite narrative out of Jason's story (as opposed to comics) then at some point he should quit vigilantism. His entire adult life has been solely about that and, as someone who for a long time was most famous for dying, he should get the opportunity to live, especially for himself. BUT, so long as he remains a vigilante, he offers a really interesting perspective on vigilantism that you don't really see anywhere else.

Jason, like some of the people I feel have the most reason to be in this life in Batman media (such as Bruce and Dick), has experience being a victim of criminal behavior, yes, but he also has the experience of being on the other side of the window. He knows the criminal element intimately, and from a young age. His father was a low-level criminal, it got him sent to jail and eventually murdered while in jail; Jason grew up in a low-income neighborhood that has been by and large overlooked by Gotham and that allows criminal behavior to breed there to the point where the name Crime Alley no longer refers to a singular event (the murders of the Waynes) but all the other issues there; Jason himself has committed criminal acts when weighing the option between obeying the law and ensuring his own survival. He has a different perspective on criminality and law enforcement and outside enforcement of legal codes than anyone in his life, because he's lived on both sides of the lines and they've both had profound effects on him and should shape how he views the world differently than other people he knows.

Jason's vigilantism, and honestly even how he deals with stuff during his crime lord era, should be motivated by at once knowing that issues don't pop up out of nowhere and that even criminals have interiority, but also a deeper understanding than most as to how the actions of criminals affects not just innocent bystanders but innocents in their own lives. It's a unique perspective that not only enriches Jason as a character but can also provide some pretty thought-provoking conversation about vigilantism and Batman's role in the world and even the concept of extra-legal justice we find in most superhero comics in general that DC could honestly use.

Like yeah, ok, I did find Stephen's monologue about his role as a doctor being that of a healer at the end of the General Strange arc in this year's Doctor Strange hokey, but the way a superhero's personal life informs their actions as a hero is an interesting concept that only gets shallow explorations most of the time, and Batman media could really use it in more depth given how shallow people's understanding of Batman is (Batman's a capitalist Batman's a fascist Batman beats up the mentally ill Batman victimizes the poor, dear God shut up).

And when it comes to Jason's death, it is pretty obvious that, when it comes to the Batfam, DC is trying to recapture that feeling that came with A Death in the Family every time they kill a character off, to try and tap into what made Jason's death such a big thing. But the problem is that they fundamentally do not understand why Jason's death was so big.

For one, and the most shallow reason for it, Jason's death wasn't just death. At the tail end of a series of difficult issues for him, like finding out his dad was murdered in prison and Bruce lied about it, to the debacle with Felipe Garzonas, to Bruce benching him as Robin (which, given that Dick being benched ended with him no longer being Robin and leaving Wayne Manor, it's reasonable to infer that a formerly homeless kid who experienced a significant amount of trauma due to that homelessness would start to worry that no Robin=no longer being able to live with Bruce and having to live on the streets again), Jason ends up trying to find his mother. And when he finds her, this adult woman, who he should be able to trust, if only because she's a grown woman and he's fifteen, deliberately leads him into a trap with someone he is deeply aware is dangerous, points a gun at his head, and tells him that what's about to happen is his fault while he tries and fails to fight his way out of what he knows is going to be a really bad set of minutes. Honestly, more people need to read ADitF, because the sequence of events is a lot more horrifying than pop culture remembers it. Jason is already beaten into the ground by Joker's henchmen before the Joker gets started on him (while Sheila stands back and watches, God) and by the time it's done, half of Joker's suit is colored red instead of purple to represent blood and everyone in that warehouse thinks that Jason is already dead. And then he gets blown up. Jason's death resonated so much not just because of the fact that it happened, and that Bruce felt upset about it, but also because what happened to him was horrifyingly brutal and to date remains one of the truly most sadistic things the Joker has ever done.

For two, Jason's death had an impact because it was meant to stick. Unlike Bruce getting lost in time or Damian getting stabbed, where it was pretty clear that the characters were not going to stay dead, and then by the time you get to Dick and whoever else has died recently, where the audience (and the characters) have no reason to believe that this will be permanent, Jason's death was meant to be the end of the story. Due to Starlin's hatred of Jason as a character (which is weird) and DC in general wanting to move away from kid sidekicks at the time, Jason was supposed to die and then stay dead forever; there's a reason why the saying was "nobody stays dead in comics except for Jason Todd, Bucky Barnes, and Uncle Ben", because he was meant to, you know, stay dead. It hits because the audience itself, along with Bruce and Dick and Alfred and Barbara and everyone else in Jason and Robin's life, thought that this was the last we would see of Jason Todd alive and that he would never come back ever again. It's also why his resurrection packs so much more of a punch than anyone else's either, both in universe and out of universe.

For three, Jason's death was greatly helped by the meta-narrative in a way that nobody else's has been. Because, the eighties was a period of a lot of change for DC, and especially for Batman due to the popularity of The Killing Joke (which wasn't even supposed to be canon, yet by the time Jason died Barbara was already confirmed in canon to be paralyzed and therefore have the events of that book take place) and especially The Dark Knight Returns. Which means that the eighties was when people started writing darker Batman stories, and they kept going from there, and the characterization got darker along with it (seriously, read something from the early eighties and then something from, like, the 2010s, the difference is insane) as Batman slowly just because a darker and more sullen character. And because that change coincided with Jason dying, and there was an initial attempt to push a sort of "Jason's murder is turning Bruce into a crazy person" message to really show audiences how badly Bruce was dealing with the situation, it creates this sort of in-universe progression where Jason's murder fundamentally altered Bruce in a way that has, so far, proven utterly irreversible.

It's not just that Bruce's son was murdered and that he's had to deal with the grief and trauma of that loss, it's that the grief and trauma of that lost basically completely shattered Bruce and he is never going to be able to put himself back together again. He is never going to return to who he was before Jason died even though the initial hurt has literally been reversed because Jason was resurrected and subsequently re-entered his life. Jason's death was so calamitous, so monumentally awful, that it changed who Bruce was as a person in a way that can never be undone or reversed, and most of the people in his life these days don't even know what Bruce was like before, while the people who do know just have to live with the fact that Bruce as he was then is as dead as Jason was (this fic by @damianbugs really gets to the unique tragedy of the whole thing so go read that). None of the other Batfam deaths have that, not even Stephanie's, which was also meant to be permanent before it got retconned, and so they don't hit as hard because they not only don't have much impact on the audience, they don't even have much impact on Bruce as a character, certainly not anywhere near that Jason's did in both intensity and longlasting effect.

The problem is that DC didn't really didn't expect Under the Red Hood to be as popular as it was, so they kept Jason around without really knowing what to do with him or having any plan for him, which is a choice we're still feeling the consequences of today in that they both still don't really know what to do with him and really resent him for it, along with his longterm popularity in all of his iterations. And fandom itself likes to just hew to tropes with no basis in canon whatsoever based on the shallowest understanding of all characters, including Jason, so that's not even helping matters much, and why I stick to my own bubble.

[kedsandtubesocks]

this is for @acerathia who caught my plans for the next installment in our little universe, for @procrastination-artist who made my entire world yesterday and as always for @ofmermaidstories to help bring some good deku vibes

here’s our introduction to Jedi!Deku x reader 💚

(also here’s a lovely and fancy Naboo hallway for reference)

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Naboo is something out of a dream. It is all the stories and mythical children’s tales he used to read as a boy come to life. It truly is the beautiful elegant planet sitting among the wild edge of space.

Now as a man, as a Jedi, Izuku of course can appreciate how splendid and awe striking the planet is. But a deep grim reality peeks out from the back of his mind. The investigation into the attack on the Jedi temple has brought him here.

“There are unfortunate rumors now coming out about one of the Naboo senators has been very vocal against us.” Older and gauntly in appearance yet still incredibly legendary, Jedi council member Toshinori told Izuku of his assignment.

“We are not sure about how serious the allegations are but at this point we need to investigate any rumor. And…funny enough this actually works out perfectly. Naboo has been requesting us for some time to possibly send a knight as an extra guard to help with the political unrest going on in the system.”

Izuku nodded at his mentor’s request but he still needed to ask. “Why send me?”

Toshinori smiled kindly and patted Izuku’s shoulder. “You still seem to forget you are now the hero of this generation my boy, a true honor to the title of jedi knight. They will trust you.”

So Izuku took on this assignment with honor.

“Ah! Oh my goodness there he is, a Jedi knight!” His resolve of course is already getting.

Izuku has only been on Naboo since this morning and he has awkwardly had to laugh and greet so many civilians rushing up to him with eager awestruck eyes. Now finally away from the main city and safe within the palace’s grand hallways, Izuku finds a bit of peace before he has to face his assignment.

The Monarch of the planet has requested his presence. He thanks the force for already setting this into motion. As if to bless him even more a breeze flutters into the open walkways and provides a beautiful sense of peace.

He turns the corner. There, at the edge of the steps to a bottom corridor, he finds someone sitting. Izuku’s curiosity peaks up so fast.

The robes and mostly covered face…

“You’re a royal handmaiden.” He breathes out in awe.

He’s never seen one in person and he’s surprised seeing you alone. Shouldn’t you be with the Crown?Now he flat out stares and it’s like two terrified lothcats waiting for the other to move first.

That’s when Izuku spots it. A pack of various breads and sweet baked treats sitting right beside you, one of them is already half eaten.

“Don’t tell anyone you saw this!” Your voice, so fast and panicky, suddenly blurts out like you’ve been caught red handed and Izuku can’t help it.

He laughs as his stomach growls at the sight of the beautifully baked goods.

“I won’t…Just as long as maybe I can get a bite of one of those?” Izuku asks shyly.

Your shoulders drop surprised. He’s even surprised. But what surprises him more is that even with the robe’s hood hiding most of your face, your welcoming grin shines out from under the covering.

“Sure, I’ve never eaten with a Jedi knight before.”

Izuku gladly takes a seat besides you and warmly thanks you as you hand him a piece of your stash. He takes a bite and his evergreen eyes go wide.

“This is amazing!” He gushes.

“Right? A lot of people don’t know this but Naboo actually has a knack for baked goods.” You tell him friendly.

“I would’ve never known! Now I’m really glad I got to try some and on my first day here.” Izuku means his words. He’s grateful to experience Naboo this way before he has to dig deep into its dirt.

“We heard there was going to be a new guard around. I just didn’t expect to see a famous Jedi knight.” You comment.

Izuku coughs embarrassed as he tries to still enjoy the next piece of the bread you’ve given him.

“Well, I’m just a knight. Nothing too special.”

You hum a teasing type noise at him and your lips twitch amused. A wave of heated embarrassment crawls up his skin. But he also thinks it might just be the mid afternoon heat of the planet itself. Izuku never expected Naboo weather to be like this.

“Is it always this hot?” He can’t help but ask.

“Not normally. This spring is just turning into summer faster.”

“I bet. In all those robes I’m impressed you’re handling this better than I am.” He replies to you a bit sympathetic. He couldn’t imagine being in so many long and layered robes along with having most of his face covered.

“Oh I’m used to it.” You snort. “And besides, this always helps.”

Suddenly you reach to draw the robe’s hood back and he sees you for the first time.

Your face is a bit sweaty from being under the hood for so long. A sigh of relief escapes you and your eyes mirror that. Turning to him you smile a weak almost bashful thing.

You’re stunning. Izuku justifies his blatant staring as simply appreciating the new beauty this planet has greeted him with and you so far are his favorite.

“I thought royal maidens couldn’t reveal their identity?” He asks so curious and even a bit stunned.

“Eh.” You tell him so casually with a shrug he almost snorts. “The Queen is the only one who’s identity is hidden. We’re just the entourage, nobody really cares or notices us.”

A small pang now hits inside of Izuku.

“Wait that’s not true!” He suddenly tells you. “I’ve read so much about the Naboo and of course I came across the role of a royal shadow! I remember reading that they have to know so much! The issues of Naboo, anything else going on with the Galaxy, they need to be aware of it all just in case they have to refresh the Crown’s knowledge. It’s all so impressive!”

Izuku watches your eyes go wide and oh no he’s rambled on too much like he always does.

“I’m sorry!” He’s quickly stammers out now so very embarrassed. “I just…I’ve never been here before funny enough, so this is all kind of exciting for me.”

You laugh, but it’s warm and friendly making his heart do an interesting spin. Izuku watches you break off another piece from the dwindling snack stash and hand it to him. He flings it into his mouth quickly to shut himself up from rambling any more.

“Our queen is going to love you.” You tell him with a gentle nod as you munch on the sweet bread. “There’s a lot going on and hearing someone like you speak so excited about this place…it’s wonderful.”

A bright electricity spreads from his chest down to his finger tips as if the force had just ran through his veins. “O-oh! Well, t-thank you!”

He feels like he is back to being a a nervous boy in training when Uraraka used to hand him an extra training saber. Izuku knows those feelings however, this rush of being flustered, needs to be fluttered away.

So he turns the tables. “I am excited for the meeting too. I’m sure the royal court is going to interested to hear how I found a handmaiden hiding away and snacking.”

You gasp horrified. He laughs and finds he enjoys seeing how fast your face scowls hard at him.

“I thought Jedi knights were suppose to be peace keepers, not little shits like you!”

He laughs even harder. “I’m definitely telling the Crown how vulgar and rude you are too.”

“I’m going to be the one talking to everyone first and I’m warning them about how awful you are!” You childishly fire back but it’s without malice because your voice cracks. Suddenly you’re laughing too. You and him simple simple and enjoy this fresh feeling of meeting someone new.

You sigh settling yourself down and look out to the stretch of the empty palace hallway.

“Everyone, even our beloved ruler, would understand if you told them you found me like this though…we all know sometimes we just need a moment to ourselves.”

Your voice grows wistful and even a bit vacant.

A sudden wave of understanding leaks in him. He has mediated alone often because this life, this path he’s taken, sometimes needs to be sorted through. Just sitting here now he already feels as if he is teetering between that duality of being both Jedi knight and a man simply enjoying the company of someone lovely.

“Well. We ate all my snacks.” You suddenly snort. As you stand to leave, Izuku finds he’s already missing you. “Guess my break is over, plus I’m sure you have places to be Sir Jedi.”

The title…it is indeed who he is, but right he just wants to be-

“Izuku.” He clarifies. “My name’s Izuku.”

You repeat his name and his body goes light. You freely give him your name and he holds onto it so precious.

“I guess I’ll see you later then, Izuku.”

And he does see you later.

In the grander of the Crowned One’s thrown room, the entire royal court including senators sits in a circle around the sovereign. He however looks past that. A small circle of royal handmaidens surround the monarch from the back like silent all matching shadows. Izuku can’t help it. His eyes scan the matching robes hoping to find your familiar face or even just a small knowing grin being sent his way.

“Jedi Knight Izuku. Welcome to the planet of Naboo.” Then the monarch’s voice, so commanding and hauntingly even toned, greets him. His eyes go wide for a moment.

How did they know it was him coming?

Then a soft fondness fills his chest. Of course, you really did tell everyone about him first didn’t you.

[snowthornes]

A warning: ahead is a very very long essay-slash-ramble about Salyra, a character from Crown of Exile by @ramonag-if . I have a lot of thoughts about her complexities as a character as well as the tragedies of her relationship with the MC, so I figured I should just put them all into words before I explode. If you haven't read CoE yet, please do — you won't regret it!! Especially if you're a huge fan of complicated, "okay wow this hurts" family angst and heart melting romance. 🥹✨✨

Salyra is someone who possesses the self-created tragedy of a hero. When Salyra believes in something, she believes in it with her whole heart, and she'll stop at nothing to fight for it. She's... the hero that many adore, but hurts those closest to her, directly or indirectly. Like her family, who've heard nary a word from her for all those years, not knowing if she was alive or dead. Like the MC.

Salyra's sacrificed countless things for her cause, and those sacrifices sometimes involved the hearts of those who loved her.

She's willful. Willful and determined. Great qualities for a rebellion's leader/figure of inspiration; not so much for when you're trying to patch up a relationship with your child who had long thought you dead, and had suffered for it.

It's like she thinks that if she pushes enough, if she shows MC the depths of her sincerity, it'll make MC accept her after all those years. It doesn't. For certain MCs, anyway. It only serves to push them further away.

Right, this is going to swerve into more specific territory. I'll be going into a little more detail on my MC's relationship with Salyra. The relationship between Salyra and my MC just... fascinates me.

Salyra is the high priestess, adored by the people of Ishari. MC... is MC. They were discriminated, mistreated, and followed with gazes of spite and distrust in Cyre because of their Ishari blood. Once MC returned to Ishari, they were greeted with — surprise, surprise — even more gazes of distrust and suspicion! Partly because of their blood guard parentage, partly because of their loyalty to the exiled prince, etc etc.

You stare at Rana, suddenly conflicted with anger and betrayal. You never wanted a sister, you only wanted a mother. Rana stares at you, suddenly gripping onto Mama's arm and twisting behind her, as if afraid to look up at you. A look of disappointment flashes through Mama's eyes, but it is directed at you, not Rana. It is a look you remembered Mama using when anyone would upset you as a child and now, you find yourself bearing the full force of her frown. You would laugh were it not so painful to think about the life you were robbed while Mama evidently moved on.

"Avriel," Mama murmurs. "You are my son and I know that I have not always been there for you, but I would like to remedy that. We cannot gain back what we have lost, but we have time now to find each other again."

"I need to go," Mama murmurs. "Rana needs me, Avriel. So does Danzor."

For a moment, you catch sight of your mother, but she does not see you. After returning to the temple, she has washed and changed, the priestesses who had been chanting earlier, now crowding around her. Anu called Mama the High Priestess and you cannot help but wonder just how long she has been in Ishari.

It's these. These scenes. Salyra has built a life in Ishari, a life without the MC. A loving family, a figure loved by the people... this is all that MC knows of who Salyra is now. The Salyra presented to him is a hero. A golden existence, a light in the dark, fearless leader of the rebellion.

(They need you? What about me, Mama? Do I not need you as well?)

(Those who had looked at you with suspicion now look at her with respectful, even admiring eyes. Salyra has a life here. But you — you are just the same. You are an outsider still, whether in Cyre or Ishari.)

Avriel is genuine and soft hearted, but he has a spine of unbending steel. He is proud. All those years mourning Salyra, grieving for her, only to find her alive and well in Ishari and with a family that she so clearly (and here we have a peek into Avriel's pain induced bitter thoughts, because honestly, that sad and angry child from so long ago never truly left him) prioritizes over him.

It's like his life has been rendered into a bitter joke.

What does Salyra want from him? Does she expect him to come and go as she pleases, there when she wants him and gone when she doesn't? Is he expected to wait in the wings as Salyra tends to her new family, only playing the part of a loving son when her eyes turn to him once more? Salyra, his mama. Salyra, now the head priestess, looked upon with respect by the very people who had looked at him with such suspicion.

(^ Above is Avriel's current thought process. Yes, he's a real mess. Irus is having a hell of a time soothing him, as the usual gentle-eyed man is currently very much like a wounded cat with its claws out and teeth bared, eyes set in a glacial glint.)

And honestly, those words might be quite unfair to Salyra. We do not know what she's experienced. Not yet. But are the words left spoken and unspoken between mother and child always fair? I think not. Salyra's expectations of MC could be called unfair as well, depending on the MC you're playing.

I just. I just find this so tragic. Salyra is a deeply complex character. Her greatest strengths are also her deepest flaws. Ironic, how the qualities that made her a hero could be the very thing that chills the heart of her child. I remember you said that Salyra will wise up on how to treat the MC in a future chapter, but wow. The tragedy of Salyra being her own undoing and the detoriation of the relationship between lauded mother and outcast child is just. Wow.

Also. leaving this here because Irus + Nearly Feral with Rage MC is everything:

You nearly laugh, the bitter rage that has been festering beneath your skin like a swarm of wasps, threatens to erupt from your skin. Prince Irus settles a hand on your shoulder and instantly, you are looking at him, noting the concern in his gaze. All at once, the rage leaves you, until you can finally breathe once more.