#writing character insights and notes and i feel like i understand her on a new level

[moonssugar]

so unexpected for fatima to become the next character to take over my mind like okay girl slay!!!!

[kingofbodyrolls]

My Heart's Home (m) | pjm | thirteen

🐴Chapter summary: Jimin thinks back on all this bad decisions, and how much he has truly hurt you. He loves you, and he wants you back, but unable to articulate his feelings properly, he finds himself writing a letter to you. 🐴Chapter title: Love Letter

🐴Pairings: jimin x reader (main), jungkook x reader (only happens once in the first chapter), jungkook x OC (jessi), namjoon x OC (jessi), yoongi x hoseok, namjoon x oc, seokjin x oc, taehyung x oc

🐴Characters: female reader (isn’t mentioned by name and no “y/n”), Jimin, Jungkook, Namjoon, Yoongi, Hoseok, Seokjin, Taehyung and four female original characters.

🐴Genre/AU: ranch!au, slice of life!au, soulmate!au, cowboy!au + smut, humor, fluff, romance, slow burn and angst

🐴Rating: mature/explicit/R18 – this is mature/explicit content, so minors, please do not interact!

🐴Disclaimer: I do not own BTS or know them personally and this work of fiction is purely fictional and for entertainment purposes only. The actions and personalities described in the story do not reflect those of BTS— it’s just fiction. Also, if you would kindly read the tags/warnings before reading, that would be lovely: and if you don’t like whatever is described in the tags, just hit return and find something else to read. Thank you 🌸

🐴Chapter warnings: low self-esteem, low confidence, hurt, sadness, overthinking, destructive thoughts, Jimin’s POV, angst, mention of sex.

🐴Status: completed 🥳

🐴Word count: 13.4k

🐴Taglist: @kookswifesblog, @kiki-zb, @babejinnie, @ownthesunshine, @allie-is-a-panda, @glllhjh, @bergandysam, @13-manggaetteok, @jeonsbabygirlsworld, @antisocial-mochi267,

*tumblr isn’t letting me tag you! There could be a lot of reasons for that, check out this lovely post about it.

🐴Now playing 💿 “Love Someone” by Lukas Graham. [Wanna listen to the serie’s playlist?]

🐴Author’s note: this is entirely from Jimin’s POV. Both OC and Jimin have been through a lot, and they have both hurt each other in different ways (but mostly it’s been Jimin hurting her 😭). In this chapter, we will get better insight into Jimin’s thoughts and his feelings all the way from the beginning! I really hope you like it— please let me know. I know Jimin has been behaving horribly, and I’m not excusing his behavior with the chapter, I’m simply saying that he is a flawed human like the rest of us, and no, we might not all agree or even understand his behavior, but.. 🥹 And if you don’t like these kind of chapters/stories were the story is essentially being retold from another character’s point of view, it’s fine, you are welcome to skip it, but if you want to know why Jimin has been acting like a douche, this one’s for you. Also, there are a bit of new stuff in here too, but it’s mostly just Jimin thinking about his bad behavior, lol, so it’s quite sad too 😭

🐴Author’s note— extra: I’m almost finished with writing the series and I got this cute idea to do a Q&A with the characters (questions for me is also okay). So, you can already send in your asks (could also be a comment/reblog, though I think asks are easier for me to keep track of). I’ll turn on anon asks, so if you prefer that, there’s that option. But please, be nice, okay? (not that I don’t expect that of you, I’ve just gotten nasty asks before). You can ask anything, to the characters, like why the behaved/thought/said something or what they didn’t say or do 🤭 You can also ask me about the story, the process or anything like that. As I said, the asks for the characters will be included in the Epilogue (I’ll also reply to the asks, I won’t reply right away, but keep them until the Epilogue will be released!)

You can send in your questions for the characters or me here → Ask away 💜*

*for people on AO3 you can also participate if you want to, just leave a comment (guest/anon or not), and I’ll reply to that and I’ll add your question in the Epilogue 💜

It’s been cross posted to AO3 if you prefer to read there.Wanna see the book cover?

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“We have enough to guide usWe have enough to lastWe’re not aloneWe never wereYou and I aren’t lostOh hold me very tightlyHold me fast and strongI am your loveWon’t stray from youYou and I belong” ‘My Heart is Like a River’ by Rebecca Lavelle

Fuck.

This was the last thing he expected. 

He never envisioned this moment, the one where you’d walk away, leaving him shattered and angry. He didn’t want this. Not in the slightest. Yet here he is, consumed by a turbulent mix of sorrow and self-directed fury, haunted by a year’s worth of regrettable decisions. He’s unable to find sleep, which is why he sinks into the couch at night, his knuckles white with tension as he grips a pen, its tip poised over the stark emptiness of the paper laid out before him.

He grasps the reasons behind your decision to end things, but the ache it leaves behind is unbearable. It’s a raw, searing pain that gnaws at him relentlessly. Understanding that he’s the architect of his own misery only compounds the agony. How does he begin to convey the depth of his remorse, the magnitude of his love for you? Every mistake he’s made weighs heavily on his conscience, a burden he’s not sure he can ever fully unburden. The prospect of reaching out to you now feels daunting, uncertain. He can still vividly recall the anguish etched across your face as you uttered those words, and the thought of adding to your pain is unbearable. For too long, he’s been a source of hurt, and the realization cuts him to the core. 

He despises himself for causing you so much pain.

Lost in the labyrinth of his thoughts, he grapples with the enormity of his love for you and the depth of his remorse. Words, he knows, can only scratch the surface of what he truly feels. How does one encapsulate a torrent of emotions in mere letters? Yet, he resolves to try, to lay bare his heart in this letter, hoping that somewhere amidst the ink-stained pages, you’ll find a glimmer of understanding, a shard of forgiveness.

As he traverses the hallway, the resonating clinks of heels guide his steps, drawing him towards the kitchen like a siren’s call. Entering, he beholds a vision: a woman, clad in a summer dress that dances with every step, her attire an incongruous yet captivating sight against the rustic backdrop. A wry smile tugs at his lips as he observes her, her presence a curious enigma, tinged with a hint of déjà vu. Could it be? Has he crossed paths with her before, or is she merely a figment of his imagination, conjured from distant memories?

“Can I help you?” He ventures, his tone a blend of curiosity and a subtle undercurrent of intrigue. His gaze lingers on you, tracing the contours of your form, an unspoken question hanging in the air between you. Yet, met with silence, he repeats his inquiry, his voice carrying a note of gentle persistence.

“I’m so sorry,” you stammer, the nervous energy palpable in your voice as you fidget with the folds of your dress, “I’m looking for Jessi?”

He chuckles warmly, a playful glint in his eyes as he flashes you a disarming smile. “Who are you?” His curiosity piqued, he leans in slightly, intrigued by your unexpected presence.

“I’m Jessi’s sister,” you declare confidently, your arms folding beneath your chest. As the realization dawns on him, he’s flooded with a mix of surprise and nostalgia. Of course, you’re Jessi’s sister! How could he have missed it? Memories come flooding back, of days spent playing together as children, and he can’t help but feel a rush of warmth at the sight of you, his childhood friend. A hint of that old crush resurfaces, sending his heart racing in his chest.

His cheeks warm with a blush, though he fights to keep it concealed. Admitting that his crush on you never waned might be too much, too soon. “You don’t remember me?” He ventures, a flicker of hope in his eyes, yet tinged with apprehension. The thought that you might not recall him is unsettling; after all, he had his own struggles recognizing you, despite the unmistakable familiarity.

As you simply stare at him, he adds, “It’s me, Jimin,” a hint of self-realization accompanying his words. It dawns on him that he never properly introduced himself, contributing to the confusion.

“Park?” You echo, incredulity weaving through your voice as you study him, and a soft chuckle escapes him, granting you a moment to recollect the countless hours spent playing together.

“Yeah! Don’t you remember? We played together when we were kids,” he chuckles warmly, gently nudging your memory in the hope of rekindling the moments of your childhood, now flooding vividly back to him.

You were such a vibrant and spirited girl back then, and you’re just as captivating now. You used to play games with him and your sister, embarking on countless adventures around your ranch and his parents’ property.

As recognition dawns upon you, he observes the tension in your features melting away, replaced by a sense of familiarity. Gesturing for you to take a seat, he retrieves a glass of water, all the while marveling at your presence. You look breathtaking, and the realization that you’re back hits him like a tidal wave. It’s been two decades since he last saw you, yet the memories flood back with a vengeance, reigniting the flames of that childhood crush in his heart.

“I’m sorry about your mom,” he offers his condolences, aware of the complexity of losing a parent, especially considering the strained relationship you’ve had with her for years, details he gleaned from your sister. Your expression shifts into one of pain, but you quickly dismiss it with a “It’s whatever,” though he senses it's anything but. Respectful of your boundaries, he refrains from probing further, though he silently wishes you’d open up. If ever you needed someone to talk to, he’d be there in a heartbeat, ready to lend a listening ear and a comforting shoulder to cry on, no matter the hour.

He offers you a warm, reassuring smile, a gesture he knows he can manage in times like these. Just then, he hears the familiar footsteps of your sister approaching, “Aren’t you supposed to be working?” Her usual nagging about work trailing behind her like a persistent echo. But sometimes, he thinks, a brief respite is necessary before diving back into the grind. With a chuckle, he bids you farewell, promising to return to his tasks shortly. As he returns to his work, a contented smile graces his lips, though beneath the surface, his heart races with an unexpected flurry of emotions, stirred up by your unexpected presence.

As the barn party kicks off, Jimin finds himself consumed by thoughts of you, his mind drifting back to the encounter in the kitchen. It’s a strange sensation, akin to the giddiness of a schoolboy harboring a secret crush—except in this case, it's not just a youthful infatuation; it’s a reunion with someone from his past. When you and your father left the ranch, he never imagined seeing you again, the sudden departure leaving him with unspoken feelings he couldn't articulate at the time. He regrets not expressing his affection for you back then, but in hindsight, he knows you were both just kids, and such declarations might not have been taken seriously anyway.

Now that you’ve returned and his dormant feelings have resurfaced with a vengeance, Jimin feels an urgent need to express himself. He’s torn between the desire to reconnect with you as friends or dare to hope for something more. As he attempts to rein in his racing thoughts, he realizes just how awkward he can be around women, especially you, whom he holds in such high regard. But despite his nervousness, his affection for you outweighs his fear of awkwardness, propelling him to seek a meaningful connection with you once more.

The barn pulses with the rhythm of the music, matching the frantic beat of Jimin’s thoughts. He caught a glimpse of you earlier, but amidst the sea of people, he’s lost sight of you. The desire to reconnect with you burns fiercely within him, igniting the hope of perhaps mustering the courage to ask you out on a date. As he navigates through the crowd, he can’t shake the anticipation building in his chest, eager to find you and seize the opportunity to reignite your friendship.

As Jimin steps outside into the darkness, his heart races with anticipation, but what he encounters crushes him like a ton of bricks. His eyes land on you, pinned against the wall by his own brother, Jungkook, their heavy breaths echoing in the night. The sight drains the color from his world, leaving him feeling hollow and breathless. It’s a visceral punch to the gut, witnessing you entangled with his brother in such an intimate embrace. He can’t bear to look, the sickness rising in his throat threatens to overwhelm him. With a quick turn, he retreats back inside, his heart heavy with sorrow, his body trembling with a coldness that belies the heat of the barn.

Your eyes, reflecting surprise and sorrow, haunt his thoughts relentlessly. Jimin’s anger simmers beneath the surface, fueled by the sight of you with his brother. Jungkook’s magnetic charm is a curse Jimin knows all too well. It’s a pattern he’s witnessed countless times— his dates inevitably gravitate towards Jungkook’s allure, leaving Jimin feeling like a mere shadow in comparison. The pain of this familiar betrayal cuts deep, gnawing at his insides. He curses himself for his own hesitance, wishing he had seized the chance to connect with you before Jungkook’s spell took hold. Perhaps then, you wouldn’t be entangled with his brother now.

His chest tightens with a mix of fury and resignation. Rationality tells him you owe him nothing, yet the sting of rejection cuts deep. It’s a bitter pill he’s swallowed before, a recurring cycle of dashed hopes. Jungkook’s effortless allure always casts a shadow over Jimin’s prospects, leaving him feeling like fate’s perpetual underdog. The injustice of it all boils within him, a potent blend of anger and despair.

The weight of disappointment crushes his spirit, suffocating any semblance of enjoyment. What’s the point of staying at the party when the sight of you with his brother taints every corner of the barn? It’s a bitter pill to swallow, realizing he’s become a mere spectator in the game of love, always on the sidelines while Jungkook effortlessly steals the show. With a heavy heart, he contemplates leaving, unwilling to dampen the festivities with his darkening mood.

Jimin’s heart clenches at the mere thought of encountering you again, knowing all too well the anguish that awaits him in your eyes. Since witnessing you with his brother, he’s been ensnared by a whirlwind of hurt and resentment, emotions he’s been struggling to untangle. Your return, alongside your sister, feels like a cruel twist of fate, forcing him to confront the turmoil bubbling within him. Avoiding your gaze has become his coping mechanism, a feeble attempt to shield himself from the raw vulnerability lurking beneath the surface. Deep down, he still harbors affection for you, but the shadow of your entanglement with Jungkook looms large, casting doubt on any potential future between you. He doesn’t think you’ll ever be satisfied with him, now that you’ve been with his brother. The bitter realization gnaws at his soul, threatening to consume him whole. Yet, he knows dwelling on such thoughts serves no purpose, only deepening the wounds already etched into his heart.

“Where’s Kook?” Your sister’s inquiry cuts through the heavy silence, offering Jimin a fleeting respite from the tumult of his emotions. Grateful for the distraction, he exhales a silent sigh of relief, seizing the opportunity to avert his gaze from you, if only for a moment longer.

“In the barn fixing his bike, I’ll get him,” he responds with a forced smile, determined to maintain a facade of composure despite the turmoil within. As he strides past both of you, he catches the subtle shift in your gaze, but he refuses to acknowledge it, steeling himself against the flood of emotions threatening to engulf him. Ignoring you feels like self-preservation, a necessary shield against the ache in his heart.

Jimin locates his brother, and together they make their way back to where you and your sister stand. Jungkook, ever the cocky one, can’t resist a jab, his smirk evident as he quips, “Back for round two?”

Jimin scowls at his brother’s remark, finding him insufferable as usual. Anger bubbles within him, exacerbated by the widened shock in your eyes, as if they might pop out of their sockets at any moment. With an exasperated eye roll, Jimin brushes off Jungkook’s comment.

“No, thank you,” you sputter, and Jimin can’t help but feel a glimmer of relief, sensing that you’re not interested in his brother’s crude advances.

“You’re welcome anytime, babe,” his brother teases, winking at you, and Jimin suppresses a sigh. Jungkook’s flirtatious nature is no secret, but at this moment, Jimin can’t help but feel a twinge of irritation at his brother’s antics.

“Enough of that,” your sister declares, her interruption a welcome relief from the tension swirling in the air. Jimin exhales slowly, grateful for the distraction, as the mere thought of you and Jungkook ignites a fiery surge of jealousy within him. He knows delving into the depths of his unresolved emotions would only unravel him further, and he’s not ready to confront that turmoil just yet.

He catches the subtle glances you steal in his direction, but your eyes dart away the moment they meet his. It’s a confusing dance of fleeting interest, leaving Jimin bewildered and uncertain. After all, you’ve been intimate with his brother, so why would you show any interest in him? The ambiguity of your gaze sends his thoughts spiraling, unsure of what to make of the situation. Deciding it’s best to avoid further speculation, Jimin opts to keep his gaze lowered, wrestling with the tumult of emotions churning within him.

The bar door swings open, and there you are, clad in nothing but pants and a bra. His gaze darts to your anxious eyes, taking in the tremble of your body as you and your entourage make your way over to their table.

“Did you lose a bet or something?” Jungkook’s voice rings out, accompanied by a sharp whistle and a burst of laughter. Jimin rolls his eyes, frustration bubbling up at his brother’s relentless teasing of you.

He watches as you effortlessly roll your eyes at his brother’s teasing remark, your composure unshaken as you confidently take a seat.

“Well. Someone doesn’t share clothes. Apparently.” You quip with a hint of playful spite, directing your gaze at your sister, and he can’t help but chuckle, hastily concealing it behind a hand pressed to his lips.

You’re introduced to Yoongi and Hoseok, and Soo-ah hands you a beer, initiating conversation. Jimin finds his gaze lingering on your exposed skin, noticing the goosebumps forming and wondering if you’re feeling the chill.

“Aren’t you cold?” He notices how you bite your lip, but you merely shrug in response. Jimin considers offering you his shirt, though he’s unsure of how you’d react. Despite being comfortable sitting shirtless himself, he contemplates making the gesture anyway—

“Here. You can have my shirt,” his brother beats him to it, and Jimin grumbles, clenching his hands under the table in frustration. Damn it. He had wanted to offer you his shirt, but now he’s too late because he hesitated and over-thought the situation. Again. 

God, sometimes Jimin really despises his brother.

“Well, look who’s playing the gentleman,” Yoongi teases with a playful smack to Jungkook’s chest, and Jimin can’t help but roll his eyes once more. He’s well aware that his brother always has an agenda, always.

“Easier to pick up the ladies like this, anyway,” Jungkook remarks with a smirk, confirming Jimin’s suspicions. Jungkook may not be aiming to win you back, but he’s always on the lookout for the next pretty face. It’s moments like these that remind Jimin just how shallow his brother can be, always thinking with his dick instead of his brain.

As the table empties out, leaving just you and Jimin, a palpable tension lingers in the air, thickening with each passing moment. He can sense your uncertainty, and it mirrors his own nervousness. The weight of the unspoken words between you feels heavy, almost suffocating. Jimin shifts uncomfortably, unsure if he should break the silence or let it linger, unsure if his words will only add to the tension.

“I’m sorry if I did something wrong,” your hesitant voice cuts through the tension like a knife, breaking the suffocating silence that had settled between you. With a nervous expression, you fidget with your beer, your eyes betraying a mixture of apprehension and genuine concern.

His breath catches in his throat, surprised by your unexpected apology. Nodding gently, he gestures for you to elaborate, his mind racing with a blend of curiosity and cautious apprehension. Though uncertain of the reason behind your apology, he’s prepared to listen, his thoughts swirling with tentative guesses.

“I’m sorry I slept with your brother…” Your words cut through the air like a chilling breeze, each syllable heavy with the weight of regret. In a hushed confession, you lay bare the source of your apology, and he feels his chest tighten in response. His facade wavers momentarily, a flinch betraying the torrent of emotions raging within him. Beneath the veneer of composure, a tempest of anger swirls, threatening to engulf him in its fiery grasp.

“Why apologize for that?” His voice carries a hint of curiosity, a mask for the turmoil brewing beneath the surface. With a casual sip of his beer, he studies you intently, his eyes flickering with a mixture of emotions. You’re allowed to fuck whoever you want, he acknowledges inwardly, but the bitterness lingers, souring the taste of his thoughts. It’s not so much the act itself that stings, but the circumstances surrounding it—his brother, the witness to your intimacy. It’s a bitter pill to swallow, and he can’t help but lament the unfortunate twist of fate.

“It just seems like you’re angry with me… or something,” you add tentatively, your words laced with apprehension. He notices the nervous edge in your voice, the subtle tremor betraying your uncertainty, and how you avert your gaze, as if unable to meet his eyes.

“Look,” he starts, leaning in slightly over the table, his voice measured yet tinged with underlying emotion, “I’m not really angry. Maybe I’m more disappointed?” Despite his attempt at rationalizing his feelings, he knows deep down that anger brews within him, though its target remains elusive—whether directed at you or his brother, he’s unsure. After all, they’re all adults here, and dwelling on this resentment won’t change anything. Deep down, he knows he’s harboring a sense of anger, not necessarily at you, but at the recurring pattern where his brother always seems to come out on top. It’s a feeling of disappointment that runs deeper than just this one incident—it’s a narrative that’s unfolded over years, leaving him questioning his own worth. And he recognizes, it isn’t your fault; you’re just caught in the crossfire of a longstanding dynamic.

“You are, of course, allowed to sleep with whoever you want to. It’s just… it’s always him.” His words carry a raw edge, laced with a palpable mix of frustration and resentment. Jungkook’s recurring presence in such situations gnaws at him, a constant reminder of his brother’s tendency to overshadow him. Yet, even amidst his own turmoil, he realizes the futility of roping you into their tangled sibling rivalry. It’s an unhealthy dynamic, one he knows all too well, and he doesn’t want to drag you into its murky depths.

He watches as a wave of realization washes over your features, but he feels compelled to add more. “All women are drawn to him. He’s always fucking around. Not that I’m saying I want to be like that, but sometimes, it would be nice to feel noticed, you know?” Damn it. He said too much. Did he have too many beers? No, he’s barely finished his first bottle, and yet here he is, pouring out truths from the depths of his heart.

Damn it, why did he say that? He curses inwardly, realizing he’s delving into territory he’d rather avoid. He desperately needs to steer the conversation elsewhere, pronto.

“You know… When I saw you that day in the kitchen after all those years,” he starts tentatively, hoping to shift the focus away from his raw emotions.

He rakes his fingers through his hair, a gesture betraying the turmoil within. “I never thought I would see you again when you and your father left,” he confesses, a mixture of longing and regret bubbling beneath the surface, camouflaged by a forced chuckle.

His nerves prickle like a live wire, urging him to speak, even as his mind screams caution. “Did you know,” he blurts, the words tumbling out despite his better judgment, “I had a crush on you when we were kids?” His throat tightens with apprehension, berating himself internally for the sudden confession. Was it just one beer he had? Because why on earth would he reveal this now?

“I had no idea,” you reply, your voice laced with surprise and regret, your features softening with an apologetic expression. “I’m truly sorry.”

“It’s fine,” he chuckles, though the tension in his voice betrays his true feelings. His heart races with nervousness, cursing himself for his lack of restraint in revealing his past crush. But there's a deeper secret he keeps buried: his current feelings for you, perhaps even love. It's a precarious balance between wanting to confess and fearing rejection. He prays his mouth won’t betray him again, divulging more than he’s ready to admit.

Sensing the danger of delving further into emotions, he swiftly changes the topic, opting for safer conversational waters. Offering to fetch another round of beers, he steers the discussion towards lighter subjects. Yet, beneath his composed facade, he finds himself unnerved by you. There’s an undeniable allure to your demeanor— a blend of nervousness and confidence that both intrigues and intimidates him. He’s drawn to your self-assuredness, yet fears the intensity of his own feelings, wary of pushing you away with his overwhelming emotions.

“I’ve been considering heading back home. It just feels like I mess everything up…” You confess, your words tinged with uncertainty, and he feels a surge of emotion. Panic grips him at the mere thought of you leaving. No. No. He can’t bear the idea of you walking away, of missing out on the potential moments you could share together. Despite his internal conflict, a selfish desire whispers in his heart, urging you to stay, if only for a little while longer.

“No, no, you shouldn’t give up. Please, give it some more time,” he urges, his voice laced with genuine concern. Each word carries the weight of his longing, a silent plea for you to stay. Memories of his childhood flood his mind, reminding him of the warmth you brought to his heart. He can’t bear the thought of losing you again, not when he feels a flicker of hope reignite in his heart at your return.

Jimin has been surreptitiously observing you as you sort wool with Yoongi, stealing glances whenever he can muster the courage. Each time your eyes meet his, it sends a flutter through his chest, a silent reminder of the unresolved emotions swirling within him. He grapples with the realization that perhaps he’s been too quick to let his insecurities dictate his reactions, especially when he witnessed you with his brother. Yet, amidst the tangled mess of doubts and hopes, one thing remains clear—he still harbors feelings for you. With each passing moment, he wrestles with the notion of reaching out, of bridging the gap that has formed between you. Could there be a chance to mend what’s broken, to transcend the shadow of past misunderstandings? As he contemplates these questions, he can’t shake the feeling that maybe, just maybe, there’s a glimmer of mutual interest between you two. But how does one navigate the delicate dance of reigniting a connection fraught with uncertainties? Jimin finds himself at a loss, grappling with the complexities of his own heart as he yearns for a sign, a signal that could pave the way for a new beginning.

Caught off guard by the sudden outburst, Jimin’s thoughts scatter like startled birds as your sister’s sharp reprimand slices through the air. He can’t help but feel a pang of sympathy for you, knowing firsthand the intensity of Jessi’s temper. Watching your gaze falter, retreating from the accusatory finger jabbing in your direction, he senses your discomfort like a palpable wave washing over the scene. A surge of concern floods Jimin’s chest as he worries about the impact Jessi’s harsh words might have on you. Could this tirade be the final straw, driving you away for good? The fear gnaws at him, a silent plea echoing in his mind for some semblance of peace to return to the tense atmosphere.

As you take a hesitant step backward, Jimin’s heart clenches with concern, his grip on the clippers loosening as he watches you dart towards the door. Without a second thought, he abandons the tools and bolts after you, propelled by a surge of urgency to catch up and ensure you’re okay.

“Please come back,” Jimin’s plea is tinged with desperation as he watches you retreat towards the house. His heart races with a sense of urgency, knowing he can’t let you leave without offering some comfort. He longs to reassure you that your sister’s harshness doesn't define your worth, that everything will eventually fall into place.

As you pivot, a look of anguish etched across your features, you confess, “I fuck everything up Jimin.” His heart aches at your admission, wondering what else burdens your mind. “I feel utterly useless on this ranch,” you add, your voice heavy with self-doubt. Jimin's resolve strengthens, determined to offer you the solace and encouragement you desperately need.

“It’s to be expected. You’ll get better,” he reassures you, his voice laced with sincerity. Despite his efforts to comfort you, he notices how you’ve withdrawn into yourself, lost in your own thoughts.

“Do you think I belong here?” Your question catches him off guard and he gapes at you, but he already knows the answer to your question, so it’s easy.

“I do,” he says, his voice carrying a depth of emotion that belies the simplicity of the words. It’s a plea, a fervent wish whispered into the air, a silent urging for you to see what he sees – that this place, this ranch, is where you truly belong. Deep down, he knows it’s selfish, but damn it, he can’t bear the thought of you leaving.

“I believe you just need time,” he offers with a gentle smile, though beneath it, he can feel the weight of your uncertainty. It’s a small offering of solace, but he knows words alone can’t ease the turmoil brewing within you.

“I don’t think I fit in, and I feel like an imposter,” you confess, your voice carrying the weight of uncertainty. Each word strikes a chord within him, a pang of sadness laced with determination. He can’t bear the thought of you feeling out of place, not when he envisions you finding your footing here, becoming a part of this place he calls home. He believes in you, in your ability to belong, and he’s willing to give you all the time you need to see it too.

One thing is a childhood crush, but delving into the depths of who you are now, the adult version of you, that’s what he craves. He yearns to unravel the layers, to discover if there’s a deeper connection waiting to be unearthed between you two, something more profound and meaningful than just fleeting feelings from the past.

As the rain cascades down upon both of you, Jimin’s attention isn’t on the weather, but on you, on your emotions. “We should get back” he suggests, aware that the rain shows no signs of relenting. Yet, amidst the downpour, he seizes a moment of boldness, reaching out to intertwine his fingers with yours. “You belong here,” he affirms, his touch conveying a silent plea for you to stay, to weather the storm together, not just the rain outside, but the uncertainties within.

He prays silently that his words and gestures are enough to anchor you here, but deep down, he understands he can’t dictate your choices. The decision to stay must be yours alone, driven by your own desires and dreams. Yet, a fervent longing swells within him, an unspoken wish that you’ll choose to remain, not for his sake, but for your own. Oh, how he yearns for you to stay.

You left. It’s a twist he didn’t see coming, yet somehow, it makes sense. Your sister’s relentless demands and the weight of your own insecurities pushed you away. He empathizes; Jessi’s temper can be overwhelming, and she hasn’t exactly rolled out the welcome mat for you. And your self-doubt about your skills on the ranch? He gets it. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and he certainly wasn’t a master of everything from the get-go either. Improvement comes with time, and he believes in your potential to thrive.

Why does he find himself standing in front of your city home, heart pounding against his ribcage like a caged bird? He knocks, and when the door swings open, you greet him with a mix of surprise and puzzlement, yet your smile, soft and tender, ignites a wildfire of hope in his chest.

“Jimin?” Your voice carries a blend of curiosity and caution, eyes darting around to confirm his identity, a flicker of uncertainty dancing in their depths.

“Hey,” he greets you with a hint of shyness, his voice slightly uneven as if your mere presence has the power to stir up a whirlwind of emotions within him. You have this uncanny ability to make his heart flutter and his nerves dance, rendering him almost breathless in your presence.

“Come in,” you invite, and as he steps across the threshold, his senses are immediately greeted by the cozy compact hallway, each corner whispering tales of your daily life within the confines of your two-bedroom apartment.

“What brings you here, Jimin?” You inquire, your eyes sparkling with curiosity and a hint of anticipation, inviting him to share the purpose of his unexpected visit. His heart races with the weight of unspoken words, debating whether to reveal the depth of his feelings, to confess how much he misses you and yearns for your return. Yet, he hesitates, fearing that such raw honesty might overwhelm you, opting instead to tread lightly into the depths of the conversation.

“I came here because there’s something I wanted to talk to you about,” he starts, his gaze wandering around your apartment. An easel catches his eye, displaying a painting in the corner. He hadn’t realized you painted. Memories of your childhood passion for art resurface, but he hadn’t expected you to continue. Your dedication surprises and impresses him. As he admires the artwork, he can’t help but think how much it reflects your beauty and depth, a reflection of the intricate layers of your soul.

“You mentioned wanting to talk?” You inquire, drawing his attention away from your paintings. There’s a hint of curiosity in your voice, and he notices the way your eyes search his face, as if trying to decipher his thoughts. He feels a sudden rush of nerves, realizing the weight of the conversation he’s about to embark upon.

“Sure, let’s go to a cafe and have that talk,” he proposes, a spark of anticipation igniting in his eyes, his heart quickening with the prospect of finally opening up to you.

You suggest heading to a nearby café, and he readily agrees, the anticipation building as you walk the short distance together. Your demeanor betrays a hint of anxiety, and he can’t blame you—after all, he did show up unannounced, eager to talk. Arriving at the café, you both place your orders, and Jimin can feel the nervous energy coursing through him at the thought of opening up to you. But as he steals glances at your radiant smile, he knows he needs to gather his thoughts and make this moment count.

As you dig into your chocolate cake, you turn to him with a curious glint in your eyes. “So, what’s on your mind?” you inquire, your voice carrying a mix of anticipation and intrigue.

He can’t help but chuckle nervously, a subtle tremor in his voice betraying his unease as his hand moves to shield his smile. “It’s about you actually,” he confesses, his gaze lingering on you, as if searching for the right words to convey the weight of his thoughts.

He watches intently as your eyes widen, your lips parting in shock. “Me?” You echo softly, the word hanging in the air, laced with a mixture of curiosity and apprehension.

He feels his heart quicken its pace, his palms moistening with nervousness. “We miss you,” he admits, his voice a blend of longing and reluctance. Jimin knows he shouldn’t reveal too much, shouldn’t tell you how much he misses you. Yeah, the other’s miss you too and your sister actually regrets how she had been treating you. The words are close to spill out anyway. He can’t help it. Your puzzled expression prompts him to elaborate, “Everybody back home.”

The words sting him like a slap in the face. “That place isn’t my home anymore,” you declare, and each syllable feels like a dagger to his heart. He knows deep down that your old home could be your sanctuary once more, if only you’d give it another chance.

“It could be,” he responds softly, his words laden with unspoken longing. He wrestles with the urge to confess how much he aches for your presence, but he reins it in, wary of overwhelming you. Yet, glimpsing your paintings in your apartment, he discerns a silent yearning for the ranch.

“Everybody misses you, even your sister,” he adds, hoping to bridge the chasm between your worlds.

You scoff at that notion, momentarily entertaining the idea that your sister orchestrated his visit. He almost finds it amusing. Sure, Jessi might regret her actions, but her pride likely won’t allow her to apologize. He came here of his own volition, driven solely by his feelings for you. And as he gauges your response, he wonders if your sentiments mirror his own. He longs for certainty before taking the next step, eager to discern if your heart echoes his.

You spend the remaining time engaged in conversation about his heartfelt conviction that you belong on the ranch. He earnestly endeavors to sway your decision, silently yearning for your return—not just to the land, but to him. Yet, he hesitates to voice these sentiments, aware of the weight they carry. It pains him to witness your despondency, your yearning for the solace of a home—a comfort he believes he could offer, if only you desired it. Eventually, you concede to mull over the prospect of returning, a small glimmer of hope that lifts his spirits.

He’s reluctant for the day to draw to a close, even after both of you have polished off your cakes. So, he proposes a shopping excursion, and as you amble down the bustling street, he revels in the simple joy of your company. Witnessing you try on various dresses fills him with delight, but it’s the moment you find one that makes you radiate with confidence that truly captivates him. As you stand before the mirror, the dress hugging your curves in all the right places, he’s struck by the desire to gift it to you. Your surprised reaction to his offer, accompanied by a blush that tinges your cheeks, only serves to further enchant him.

As you return to your apartment and settle in to order food, Jimin realizes he’s extending his stay beyond his initial intentions. He’s wary of overstaying his welcome, yet he finds himself relishing every moment spent in your presence. Together, you indulge in a satisfying meal, the aroma of comfort food filling the air. With appetites sated, you delve into a conversation that spans the years since you departed from the ranch. Each shared anecdote and exchanged experience bridges the gap of time, weaving a tapestry of shared memories and newfound connection.

As he opens up to you, Jimin shares the tumultuous story of his family, particularly focusing on his father’s betrayal and subsequent remarriage shortly after his mother's passing. Recounting these painful memories is a struggle for him, as he harbors deep-seated resentment, especially towards his father for his infidelity. To Jimin, loyalty is paramount, and the thought of betraying a loved one is unfathomable. He reflects on the challenging dynamic with Jungkook, his stepbrother thrust into his life against his wishes. Initially resistant to the idea of a new sibling, Jimin grappled with conflicting emotions, navigating the complexities of familial relationships with grit and resilience.

He notices your curious gaze, fixated on the subtle limp in his stride, a constant reminder of a past he’d rather forget. Jimin understands the unspoken question lingering in your eyes, the same one that everyone seems eager to ask about. It’s a topic he loathes discussing—the limp, the accident, and the haunting scar etched into his flesh. Yet, he opens up to you, albeit selectively, glossing over certain details. He shields you from the raw emotions that still cling to the memories, like the overwhelming fear that consumed him in the aftermath, or the excruciating pain that once threatened to steal his mobility forever. Despite the physical healing, the pain persists, a relentless echo of the trauma that reshaped his life.

As if drawn by an invisible force, your hand ventures to his thigh, your touch igniting a cascade of sensations that electrify his senses. Each stroke sends a jolt of pleasure through him, coaxing his heart into a frantic rhythm matched only by the whirlwind of thoughts racing through his mind. His body responds eagerly to your touch, craving more, yearning for the warmth of your hand in places where desire simmers just beneath the surface. Jimin knows he shouldn’t entertain these forbidden thoughts, but the allure of your touch is intoxicating, tempting him into a realm of pleasure he’s desperate to explore. With each passing moment, your hand inches closer to his dick, and he's powerless to resist the magnetic pull drawing him toward the world of lust.

“Is this okay?” Your gentle inquiry sends a surge of electricity through the air, and Jimin feels a wave of apprehension wash over him. He’s caught between the desire to surrender to the intoxicating allure of your touch and the fear of crossing a line he might not be able to uncross. Yet, despite the tumult of emotions raging within him, he manages to croak out a strained “yes,” his voice betraying the depth of his longing and the intensity of his arousal.

God damn it, he curses inwardly as a surge of desire courses through him, causing his body to react involuntarily. He shifts uncomfortably, prompting your hand to retreat apologetically as you murmur, “I’m sorry.”

He reassures you with a strained “it’s okay,” but inside, he’s reeling from the lingering sensation of your touch. Your hands had worked wonders, but it’s not just the massage that’s setting him alight; it’s the mere contact with you, igniting a dangerous blaze of desire within him.

He’s acutely aware of the charged atmosphere between you, a palpable tension that threatens to unravel with every passing moment. Seeking respite, you suggest watching a movie, and he agrees, grateful for the distraction. As the film unfolds, he finds himself more captivated by the way your eyelids flutter and eventually succumb to sleep, your head gently resting against his chest. With tender care, he brushes away the stray strands of hair that caress your face, his heart swelling with affection at the sight of you in such peaceful repose. He realizes, in that moment, the depth of his feelings for you—love, pure and unadulterated. Yet, the weight of uncertainty presses upon him like a heavy burden. Should he confess his love, risking the fragile bond of friendship that now exists between you both? Or should he continue to cherish these stolen moments, content in the knowledge that you’re by his side, even if only as friends?

“I love you,” he murmurs softly, the words slipping from his lips like a secret confession, a whispered promise to the sleeping form nestled against him. In the hushed stillness of the room, he finds solace in the act of vocalizing his feelings, the weight of his emotions easing with each syllable uttered. Though he knows you’re unaware of his declaration in your slumber, he takes comfort in the notion that the words hang in the air, a silent testament to the depth of his affection for you. Yet, as the echoes of his confession fade into the night, he realizes that his journey towards vocalizing his love has only just begun—a journey he’s determined to embark upon, armed with nothing but his unwavering devotion and the courage to speak his heart when you’re awake, ready to hear his words.

He hadn’t intended on staying the night, but your gentle slumber on his lap had rooted him in place. He couldn’t bear to disrupt your peaceful rest, and truth be told, he relished the sensation of your weight against him. He couldn’t recall when your head had found its way to his thighs, but the warmth of your presence was a comfort he couldn’t deny. However, the unwelcome arousal pressing against his jeans was a stark reminder of his body’s betraying response to your innocent proximity. Your soft murmurs and endearing sighs had stirred something primal within him, leaving him unable to conceal the undeniable evidence of his desire.

“Oh, goodness! I’m so sorry!” You exclaim, scrambling to sit upright, cheeks tinged with a delicate blush. He can't help but chuckle at your flustered reaction, finding your genuine concern endearing.

“It’s okay. I just woke up,” he assures, though it’s not entirely true. He’s been awake for a few moments, captivated by the peaceful sight of you sleeping. Is it a bit creepy? Perhaps. But at that moment, he couldn’t bring himself to care.

You end up apologizing profusely for inadvertently resting on his injured leg, but he reassures you, insisting it didn’t hurt much. Suddenly, you offer to whip up some pancakes, and the idea sounds heavenly to him. He realizes how hungry he is, so the prospect of food is more than welcome.

He realizes he should head back home soon. Yesterday, he left without a word to his brother, and he certainly didn’t mention staying the night elsewhere. Jungkook might be in a panic by now, given the flurry of missed calls on his phone. Oops.

The pancakes you’ve whipped up are simply divine, and for a fleeting moment, he entertains the idea of staying here with you indefinitely. But reality pulls him back to the ranch, his responsibilities tugging at his heartstrings. Deep down, he yearns for you to join him there, to make the place feel complete once more. Yet, he knows he can’t impose such a request on you. Your decision to return must stem from your own desires. As the time draws near for his departure, he lingers a bit longer, subtly conveying how much he’ll miss you if you choose not to come back.

“I hope to see you again, maybe back home?” His gaze lingers on you, a silent plea echoing in his eyes. In that suspended moment, he senses a subtle transformation within you, a shift in the air that ignites a blush on your cheeks. And in that shared vulnerability, he feels his own heart quicken its pace, a silent testament to the magnetic pull you exert on him with each passing moment.

As you remain silent, he gathers his courage, emboldened by the delicate flush on your cheeks. Closing the gap between you, he leans in, his breath mingling with yours as he presses a gentle kiss to your forehead. A playful grin tugs at his lips, betraying the nervous flutter in his chest; he can feel the warmth rising to his cheeks, but he couldn’t resist the urge to express his longing in that fleeting touch.

“See you at home,” he whispers, the words carrying a weight of anticipation as he descends the stairs. His heart thunders in his chest, a symphony of excitement and nerves that threaten to overwhelm him. Despite the adrenaline coursing through his veins, a wide grin splits his face, a telltale sign of the emotions bubbling within him. In that moment, he feels like a fool — a foolish, lovesick fool.

You’ve returned, and it’s like a missing piece of his world has finally clicked back into place. Since his visit to the city, everything between you seems to hum with a new energy, a subtle shift that he can’t ignore. The air crackles with anticipation, and he can’t help but notice the lingering glances, the charged moments that pass between you. He senses the attraction growing, weaving its way between you like a delicate thread. Perhaps it’s time to take the next step, to ask you out on a proper date. But first, there’s the matter of moving your belongings from the city back to the ranch, a task he embraces eagerly, knowing it’s a chance to be by your side once more.

He chuckles at the sight of neatly packed boxes, already lined up and ready to go. He had braced himself for a lengthy packing session, but you’ve surprised him with your efficiency. With everything neatly organized, the task ahead seems much simpler. Now, all that’s left is to lift and load the boxes onto the truck and trailer, and you’ll be ready to roll.

Despite the weight of the boxes and the growing ache in his leg, he soldiers on without complaint. He refuses to let you see the strain he’s under, determined to make this transition as smooth as possible for you. Together, you lift and carry furniture, ensuring that nothing is left behind. Finally, you slide the key into the landlord’s mailbox, marking the end of an era and the beginning of a new chapter.

As you navigate the road back home, he catches your gaze drifting to his leg, a subtle twitch betraying the discomfort he’s trying to conceal. Despite his efforts to mask the pain, he can tell you’ve seen through his facade.

“Does your leg hurt?” Your concern is palpable in the gentle tone of your voice. He hesitates, debating whether to offer a reassuring lie or admit to the discomfort gnawing at him. Ultimately, honesty wins out. “Yeah, a bit,” he confesses, unable to shield you from the truth.

Your hand ventures across the center console, landing on his thigh with a gentle, reassuring pressure that sends a jolt through him. As your fingers begin to work their magic, tracing soothing circles over his tense muscles, he feels his defenses weakening. Like an inferno ignited, desire surges within him, rendering him powerless to resist. A soft moan slips past his lips, betraying the overwhelming effect of your touch, and he knows he’s in trouble, especially while navigating the road ahead.

His mind is a whirlwind of forbidden desires, each touch of your hand stoking the flames of his longing. With every inch your hand inches closer, his body responds eagerly, aching for your touch. Yet, amidst the overwhelming urge, a voice of reason echoes in his mind, reminding him of the danger of indulging in such desires while driving. Despite the throbbing need coursing through him, he fights to suppress his carnal urges, knowing that some pleasures are too risky to pursue in the heat of the moment.

“Please stop,” his voice, a blend of desire and restraint, breaks the tension-filled silence, pleading for respite from the intoxicating allure of your touch. As your hand halts its tantalizing caress on his thigh, a palpable tension hangs in the air, his body yearning for the forbidden pleasure yet tempered by the awareness of the dangers lurking on the road ahead.

“I might lose focus on the road if you keep that up,” he confesses, his tone laced with a blend of restraint and longing, revealing the precarious balance between desire and responsibility. With each passing moment, the tantalizing temptation grows stronger, stirring a primal urge within him. For a fleeting instant, he entertains the reckless notion of pulling over, and just fucking you, like he really wants to do.

Jimin is rendered speechless as you glide through the doors, clad in the dress he picked out for you. The sight of you steals his breath away, igniting a fire within him that he struggles to contain. Your radiant smile lights up the room, and as your eyes meet his, it’s as if the world fades away, leaving only the two of you enveloped in an electric moment.

You take in the surroundings of the house, every detail seemingly more enchanting with Jimin by your side. As he gracefully pulls you into a slow dance, the world outside fades away, leaving only the two of you in a timeless embrace. The warmth of his hand in yours and the genuine smile on your face envelop him in a sense of serenity, and for a moment, he’s lost in the beauty of the moment, captivated by the sight of you.

You sway together in the gentle rhythm of the music, but beneath the surface, a tempest of emotions rages within Jimin. With every step, he feels the magnetic pull towards you intensify, igniting a wildfire of desire that threatens to consume him whole. The urge to whisk you away upstairs, to pour out his heart, to share every secret and desire, is almost overpowering. Yet, in the midst of this intoxicating whirlwind, fear gnaws at him. This unbridled attraction, so fierce and undeniable, terrifies him in its intensity, for it’s unlike anything he's ever experienced before, and it’s already reshaping the very fabric of his emotions.

As his brother, Jungkook, sweeps in to ask you for a dance, Jimin’s eyes roll with a mix of amusement and mild annoyance. Reluctantly, he steps aside, letting you be whisked away into the arms of his sibling, though a flicker of jealousy ignites in his chest. As you twirl away with Jungkook, Jimin can’t help but feel a pang of insecurity, wondering if he’s made a mistake by relinquishing your presence, even if only for a dance.

Meanwhile, Jimin gracefully makes his way to the piano, a glint of determination in his eyes. He settles onto the bench, his fingers poised over the keys with a mixture of nerves and excitement. With a soft, thoughtful expression, he adjusts the volume of the music, letting the melody fill the room with a gentle ambiance. As he begins to play, his heart pours into the music, each note resonating with a depth of emotion that only he can truly understand. With a voice rich with sincerity, he sings a love song, his eyes flickering over to where you stand, hoping that you’ll appreciate the gesture.

In the midst of the music, Jimin wrestles with his own conflicting emotions. He knows he should muster the courage to express his feelings directly to you, to tell you that he’s head over heels in love. Yet, fear grips him, the fear of rejection, of vulnerability. Despite the undeniable connection he feels between you, he hesitates, unsure of how you’ll respond.

Instead, he lets the melody speak for him, allowing the heartfelt lyrics to convey the depth of his affection. With each tender note, he silently hopes that you’ll understand the message hidden within the music, the silent plea for your reciprocation.

Your expression betrays a mixture of surprise and curiosity as Jimin finishes his serenade. Without a word, he rises from the piano bench, his hand outstretched towards you, a silent invitation in his gaze. “Please, come with me,” he implores softly, his voice laced with an urgency that belies the calm exterior he tries to maintain. With a gentle yet firm grasp, he leads you towards the door, a sense of purpose driving his movements.

As he leads you outside, Jimin can feel the weight of anticipation hanging heavy in the air. This could be the moment, he thinks, the moment he finally lays his heart bare before you. Or perhaps he should start with something simpler, like asking you out on a date. But with every step that brings you closer to the secluded spot he has in mind, his mind races with a whirlwind of emotions, leaving him uncertain of where to begin.

Now, with the night sky stretching out above you and the soft glow of moonlight casting shadows across your face, he finds himself unable to resist the pull of desire. With a sudden surge of courage, he pins you against the wall, his gaze locked on yours with an intensity that leaves no room for doubt.

His mind races like a speeding train, thoughts colliding and scattering in all directions, leaving him grasping for a coherent sentence. “Brothers talk,” he blurts out, cursing himself inwardly the instant the words leave his lips. Jungkook’s words about you after that night echo in his mind, a bitter reminder of a conversation he never wanted to have— he didn’t like hearing his brother talk about you like that. He wishes desperately to erase those words from his memory, to banish them to the darkest corners of his mind, but they linger like a stubborn stain, impossible to scrub away.

“I know you slept with Jungkook,” he murmurs into your ear, feeling the slight tremor that runs through your body. The tension crackles between you, a silent dialogue of unspoken words and hidden desires. He prays silently that you don’t harbor any strange fascination with brothers, because if you do, you’re in for disappointment. That’s not his thing.

“And I don’t mind. I like you,” he confesses, his words tinged with a mixture of vulnerability and sincerity. Despite the discomfort of knowing about your past with his brother, he’s willing to look beyond it because his feelings for you outweigh any resentment. The image of you being reduced to a mere conquest by Jungkook leaves a bitter taste in his mouth, but he’s determined to move past it for the sake of what he feels for you.

“I like you too, Jimin,” you confess, and the weight of those words sends a surge of excitement through him. Finally, the confirmation he’s been yearning for, the green light to express what’s been building inside him for weeks. As he leans in to kiss you, anticipation electrifying the air, the door beside you swings open, and out steps his brother, wearing that infuriating grin. Damn it, Jungkook always manages to ruin the moment, the ultimate cock blocker.

You’ve been putting in long hours at the ranch alongside Yoongi, and he’s observed how effortlessly you’ve adapted to the work. He doesn’t mind the time you spend with Yoongi; after all, cultivating friendships here is important, and he’s glad to see you forming bonds in your new environment.

As he makes his way over to where you’re taming the wild horses, Jimin feels a surge of confidence coursing through him. Today feels like the right moment to finally muster the courage and ask you out on that long-awaited date.

He approaches, anticipation bubbling within him, but Jimin’s heart sinks like a stone at the sight before him. His steps falter as he witnesses your lips meeting Yoongi’s in an unexpected embrace. Shock and hurt intertwine within him, shattering the fragile hope he held of something blossoming between you both. It’s a painful echo of the moment he caught you with his brother, a wound reopened. With a heavy heart, he silently retreats, the weight of disappointment pulling him away.

Caught in the whirlwind of emotions, Jimin did notice the shock etched on your features. But confusion battles with hurt within him, a tumultuous storm raging in his heart. Was it betrayal he saw in your eyes? Or was it simply his own shattered illusions playing tricks on him? The thought gnaws at him—had you been toying with his feelings all along? 

The memory of you with his brother burns like a brand, leaving him grappling with a cocktail of emotions, unable to discern truth from illusion. 

You fucked his brother, maybe you want to fuck Yoongi too?

Though he hears your hurried footsteps behind him, he refuses to turn back, his gaze fixed on the path ahead. Anger simmers within him, intertwined with a thread of sorrow, a tumult of emotions threatening to consume him. Frustration gnaws at him — frustration at you, frustration at himself for allowing himself to fall under your spell. For he realizes now, with painful clarity, that you hold the power to shatter his heart. And he can’t bear the thought of enduring such agony. It’s a bitter realization, but he knows he must protect himself. It’s better to walk away now, before the pain deepens any further.

“Jimin!” Your voice echoes urgently behind him, but he’s already near the door, his resolve hardening with each step. Maybe he can simply shut you out, ignore whatever explanation you might offer. He doesn’t want to entertain the possibility of hearing you out, even as you grasp his arm, pleading, “Jimin, it’s not what it seems—I need to explain!”

He doesn’t want to hear it. There’s a strange ringing in his ears, drowning out your words. It’s as if his mind is adrift in a sea of chaos, overwhelmed by conflicting emotions. Anger simmers beneath the surface, a volatile brew threatening to boil over. With a clenched jaw, he turns to face you. “You kissed Yoongi.” The words cut through the deafening silence like a knife, sharp and accusatory.

“No, I didn’t! He kissed me, and I didn’t want that. It meant nothing, okay?” Your words pierce through the heavy silence, but he’s not sure if he wants to believe them. He’s built a fortress around his heart, shielding it from any more pain. Watching you with his brother was hard enough, and now this? It’s not just the kiss itself that bothers him; it’s the unsettling feeling that you might be interested in anyone but him.

Since that kiss with Yoongi, he’s been nursing a hurt that gnaws at him relentlessly. Though he’s avoided speaking to you, he’s watched from a distance. Your once vibrant spirit now wears a cloak of sadness, but in Yoongi’s presence, you light up. It’s a comfort to see you finding solace, yet a pang of envy grips him. Watching you two together twists something deep inside him, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.

Amidst the ache in his heart, he’s found himself seeking solace in familiar connections, even replying to texts from his former physiotherapist, Deiji.

Despite the gnawing guilt, he finds himself unable to bridge the growing chasm between you. The pain of witnessing your closeness with Yoongi ignites a jealousy that eclipses all rational thought. It’s not just about liking or loving you anymore; it’s about the exhausting cycle of feeling perpetually overlooked. He’s tired of being picked last.

Perhaps that’s why he extended the invitation to Deiji, fully aware that you and Yoongi would be there. In his mind, it’s a feeble attempt to feign indifference, a facade of moving on. He’s well aware of the pettiness of his actions, yet he’s powerless against the torrent of bitterness coursing through his veins.

He catches the glimmer of sadness in your eyes as they meet his across the bar, and a pang of unease twists in his stomach, a blend of hurt and confusion. He’s at a loss to comprehend why your gaze holds such sorrow when you’re evidently entwined with Yoongi. The sight of him enveloping you, a shield against the world, ignites a storm of resentment in Jimin’s gut.

Despite being officially with Deiji, a decision he’s uncertain about and made more out of a sense of emptiness than genuine interest, Jimin finds himself questioning his own actions. He doesn’t understand why he acquiesced when she asked to make things official; perhaps it was the notion that having someone, anyone, was better than facing the void alone. But the truth is, he doesn’t harbor strong feelings for Deiji. Aware of the wrongness of the situation, Jimin feels a gnawing guilt deep within him, a sense of moral turmoil that he can’t shake off. 

And with every stolen glance in your direction, a reminder of his divided attention, he's torn between appeasing Deiji and grappling with the realization of what he truly desires.

Each day, you faithfully show up for work, your presence a constant in the familiar routine of taming the wild horses alongside Yoongi. Yet, with every shared moment you spend with him, Jimin can’t help but feel a surge of spite and jealousy coursing through him. Despite his best efforts to suppress it, the sight of you engrossed in your tasks, your laughter echoing in the stables, stirs up a tempest of conflicting emotions within him. It’s true, you appear happy, your smiles lighting up the barn, but beneath the surface, Jimin senses a lingering sadness, a hidden ache that eludes his understanding.

Even amidst the swirling chaos of his emotions, Jimin finds himself unable to muster the courage to speak to you. The turmoil within him is relentless, leaving him uncertain if he even wants to engage in conversation with you anymore. His feelings are a tangled web of confusion, rendering him utterly lost within himself. It’s as if he’s been thrown into a storm of his own making, unable to find solid ground amidst the tempest of his conflicted heart.

Even his own brother, in a rare moment of clarity, has acknowledged the messiness of the situation and urged him to confront it. Yet, Jimin finds himself grappling with the futility of such a conversation. What words could possibly bridge the chasm between you when you’re with Yoongi and he’s with Deiji? It’s a tangled web of relationships, each strand pulling them further apart with every passing moment.

Recently, Jimin has found himself consumed by jealousy, a venomous emotion that twists his thoughts and clouds his every interaction. He’s engulfed by an unrelenting anger — directed at you, at himself, at the cruel hand fate has dealt. Walking about with a perpetual scowl, he broods in silence, his gaze fixed on you with a mixture of longing and resentment. Forced to collaborate with you by Jungkook, he remains mute, the weight of unspoken words suffocating him. Jimin, once eager to engage, now fears the irreparable chasm that has formed between you, the inevitable drift driving a wedge deeper with each passing day.

For reasons unbeknownst to him, your sister insists on throwing a party to mark the cast coming off. This entails a dinner, an event Jimin dreads. The thought of facing you, knowing Yoongi will also be present, fills him with apprehension. It’s been weeks, perhaps even months, since he’s exchanged a word with either of you, and the prospect of reconnecting amidst the festivity feels daunting.

He’s been avoiding you for what feels like forever, yet here he is, standing in your house with his girlfriend, desperately trying to hide the turmoil churning inside him. It’s not a physical demise, he knows he’s being overly dramatic, but the emotional anguish feels suffocating, overwhelming every inch of his being.

He stands there, silently seething as he watches Yoongi envelope you in his arms, whispering about how much he’s missed you. Anger courses through him like a torrent, mixing with a bitter taste of something unpalatable, leaving him with a nauseating sensation, as if he could vomit at any moment.

He averts his gaze, sensing the sudden fury emanating from you, though the reason eludes him. Desperately, he attempts to divert his attention to Deiji, but it’s futile; he can’t shake the feeling of longing for you, despite the turmoil raging within him. Every glance towards you is a reminder of the pain of seeing you with Yoongi, of his own inadequacy to confront or resolve the situation. He feels trapped in a cycle of longing and self-loathing, unable to break free from the grip of his own childishness.

You glide into the charity gala, a vision of elegance and grace that steals his breath away. He shouldn’t be captivated by you, shouldn’t be allowing his gaze to linger when he should be focusing on his date. Yet, Deiji’s waning interest in him is palpable, a silent testament to the growing chasm between them. He knows their relationship is crumbling, and he can’t blame her for growing weary of his constant pining for someone else. The truth is, he was never truly invested in Deiji; she was merely a placeholder, a feeble attempt to fill the void left by your unattainability. Now, as he watches you from across the room, radiant and out of reach, he realizes the magnitude of his mistake.

Despite dancing with his girlfriend, his eyes are drawn irresistibly to you, tracing every step you take as you glide across the dance floor with Hoseok, then Yoongi. Each moment is like a dagger to his heart, yet he can’t tear his gaze away. It’s masochistic, really, subjecting himself to the exquisite agony of watching you in Yoongi’s embrace, but he’s transfixed, unable to look away.

Without warning, your expression morphs into one of raw anger, fury emanating from every pore as you stride purposefully towards him. Your voice, sharp and cutting, pierces through the music as you demand, “Why the hell are you staring at me like that?”

Startled and taken aback, his heart skips a beat as your sudden outburst catches him off guard. Beneath the surprise, a tinge of sadness tugs at his heartstrings. He realizes he shouldn’t be so transfixed on you, yet despite his best efforts, he finds himself unable to tear his gaze away.

“Shouldn’t your eyes be on your girlfriend, huh? Why the fuck do you keep gazing at me? Look at your damn girlfriend!” Your words cut through him like a knife, and the accusation stings. He feels a knot of sadness twist in his stomach, grappling with confusion as to why you've suddenly turned hostile.

“And while you’re at it, why the fuck can’t you talk to me like a normal human being?” Your voice crescendos, cutting through the air like a sharp blade. Jimin feels a pang of shame, wanting to shrink away from your justified anger. You’re hitting too close to home—he knows he should have approached you like a mature adult.

“You’re a damn coward, aren’t you? You shouldn’t be casting your eyes my way when you have a girlfriend right there!” You jab a finger in Deiji’s direction, her displeasure evident, but Jimin can’t muster any concern for her feelings. His heart thuds erratically, a tumult of emotions swirling inside him, each one adding to the chaos. He knows you’re right, and it cuts him deeper than he’d like to admit—yeah, he’s a coward.

“You fucking jerk. If you had the decency to communicate, to use your damn voice instead of making baseless assumptions, we wouldn’t be in this ridiculous situation!” You unleash your frustration at him, each word a sharp jab, and he flinches involuntarily. Deep down, he knows you’re right, but the weight of the misunderstanding presses heavily on his shoulders. He just doesn’t understand the situation. Yoongi steps in beside you, attempting to diffuse the tension, but Jimin feels his heart plummet to the floor nonetheless.

“I fucking hate you! You’re stupid. I hate you. I fucking hate you. I love you. I fucking hate you. I hate you so fucking much!” You unleash a torrent of emotions, your words cutting through the air like knives, and his eyes widen in shock. His heart races erratically, his confusion mirroring yours. Why would you confess your love for him while Yoongi stands right beside you? It’s madness, and he feels like he’s drowning in a sea of uncertainty and conflicting emotions.

“You fucking bastard. Stop looking at me like that,” you spit out, catching him off guard once more. Despite the tension, he can’t help but burst into laughter. It’s wrong, he knows, but there’s something absurdly amusing about the situation. As you glare at him, he can’t shake the thought that you look oddly cute when you’re angry.

“Stop laughing. This isn’t funny!” You stamp on the ground, your frustration palpable. Jimin feels a surge of conflicting emotions, his laughter fading as he clings to the weight of your confession. What does this mean? He longs to ask you why you’re unloading on him, but you refuse to let him get a word in edgewise.

“I don’t want to hear it! You know what? I’m done!” With a sharp spin, you pivot away, leaving Jimin in a whirlwind of confusion. Desperate to understand your sudden eruption, he reaches out, his hand grasping for an explanation amidst the chaos.

“You can stick your dick where the sun doesn’t shine!” With fire in your eyes, you unleash the words directly into his face before storming out, leaving Jimin to face the fallout of your wrath. As the tension thickens in the air, all eyes turn to him, conveying their disapproval like daggers. Even Jimin finds himself grappling with the weight of his actions, acutely aware of the discord he’s sown.

Yoongi strides up to him, his voice cutting through the tension like a blade. “You know you’re a real dick right?”

Jimin’s jaw drops, the shock of Yoongi’s words reverberating through him like a sudden bolt of lightning. Never before has he witnessed this side of Yoongi, and the revelation leaves him utterly stunned, his mind reeling with disbelief.

“Why don’t you scuttle off to your precious girlfriend?” Jimin’s words slice through the air like venom, his anger bubbling to the surface with an intensity that threatens to consume him entirely.

Yoongi scoffs incredulously, “Girlfriend?” His steps carry him closer to Jimin, his voice dripping with a mix of disbelief and frustration. “You really think she’s my girlfriend, huh? Is that what’s been fueling your jerkish behavior?”

Jimin’s lips part, ready to offer a retort, but before he can utter a word, Yoongi closes the distance between them until their breaths mingle in the charged air. “She’s not my girlfriend,” he declares, his voice low and tinged with frustration, “I’m gay, you fucking idiot.”

Jimin’s eyes widen in disbelief as Yoongi’s words hang heavy in the air. Then, as Yoongi exits, a whirlwind of emotions sweeps through Jimin’s being, leaving him teetering between confusion and a surge of unexpected elation.

But hold on, that means that all this while he thought you were together with Yoongi, you were in fact mad at him? 

Fuck.

Deiji ended things with him, and he can’t blame her. He realizes now that he wasn’t truly invested in her or the relationship. In hindsight, it’s clear that it was the right decision for both of them.

He’s made an absolute mess of things, and now he’s left with the daunting task of picking up the shattered pieces and piecing them back together again.

He realizes the first step towards redemption is owning up to his missteps and extending genuine apologies for the havoc his actions have caused.

Your expression betrays confusion when he offers to aid in the search for Mikrokosmos, yet deep down, he yearns for the chance to finally unravel the tangled threads of misunderstanding between you. He carries the weight of knowing he should have initiated this conversation long before, but he’s here now, determined to mend what’s broken and bridge the chasm that’s formed between you.

He’s overwhelmed with gratitude as you lend him your ear, and when you extend an apology for your own actions—a gesture he feels unworthy of—he’s humbled. He recognizes he was the one in the wrong, and while he does offer his apologies, he feels they fall short of expressing the depth of his remorse. He struggles to find the words to convey just how profoundly sorry he is. In your presence, he’s painfully aware of his own shortcomings, yet he’s also grateful for the stark contrast of your unwavering kindness, a stark reminder of the person he aspires to be.

As you tenderly trace the lines of his scars with reverence, he feels something inside him fracture, but it’s not pain—it’s the barriers he’s built around his heart, crumbling in the face of your genuine affection. Never before has anyone shown such care and admiration for him in this intimate way. In that moment, his heart swells with a love so profound it threatens to overflow. In your presence, he finds a sense of completeness he’s never known before. Truly, you are the embodiment of sweetness and kindness, and he’s endlessly grateful to have you in his life.

He’s acutely aware that you deserve far better than him. In your unwavering sweetness and kindness, you shine as a beacon of light in his tumultuous world. Despite the countless times he’s put you through turmoil, you continue to stand by his side, unwavering in your commitment. A part of him struggles to comprehend why someone as remarkable as you would choose to be with someone as flawed as him. He can’t shake the feeling that he doesn’t deserve a woman of your caliber.

As the blissful days turn into months and the connection between you deepens, it feels as though you’ve been together for a lifetime. It’s this profound sense of certainty that drives him to purchase a ring for you, a symbol of his unwavering devotion. From the depths of his childhood dreams, he’s always known, without a shadow of doubt, that you were the one meant for him.

Fucking hell.

Just when everything seems to be falling into place, Deiji unexpectedly resurfaces, bearing news that shatters the delicate balance of his newfound happiness—she’s pregnant. The weight of her revelation hits him like a ton of bricks, threatening to unravel the life he’s worked so hard to build. While she insists the child is his, he’s consumed by doubt, unable to find any concrete evidence to support her claim. Yet, in the midst of his turmoil, his gaze is drawn to you, and the anguish etched on your face speaks volumes. Despite the chaos swirling around him, he can’t ignore the palpable pain this situation is causing you.

He longs for the prospect of fatherhood, but the thought of having children with Deiji is a nightmare he can’t bear to entertain. If he were to embark on the journey of parenthood, he envisions it with you by his side. Yet, he’s keenly aware of your own hesitations or perhaps lack of desire for children, and he deeply respects your stance on the matter.

Damn, this just became a whole lot more complicated. But amidst the chaos, his resolve remains unwavering—he’s determined to be present for his child, and for you, no matter what. With every update Deiji shares, whether it’s pictures or ultrasounds of the baby, he makes a conscious effort to include you, recognizing the importance of keeping you informed and involved every step of the way.

However, he can’t help but notice the growing distance between you, and it’s a pain that cuts him to the core. The dilemma gnaws at him relentlessly—he’s torn between wanting to cherish both you and his impending child, yet he’s at a loss as to how to navigate the chasm that’s formed between you.

“I really think it’s best to break up,” you repeat, and he’s gripped by a suffocating sense of disbelief, as if trapped in a nightmare he desperately wishes to escape. How can you say this? The love he feels for you surges through him like a relentless tide, and the mere thought of breaking up is unbearable. Doesn’t your heart ache at the idea of leaving? Doesn’t love still reside within you?

“But I can’t bear the thought of losing you,” he pleads with a raw desperation, his heart laid bare before you. Every fiber of his being is consumed by love for you. Can’t you see? Can’t you feel the weight of his devotion?

“I know, I don’t want to lose you either. But as much as it pains me, I can’t go on like this. I need to break up,” your voice cracks, and his heart shatters into a million fragments. Both of you are unwilling to part ways, yet he's come to recognize the toll his situation with his child has taken on you, perhaps far more than he initially comprehended. Ultimately, he realizes he can't compel you to remain by his side, even as the agony of separation tears him apart.

“If that’s truly what you want,” he says, his voice strained with emotion as he struggles to form the words, “then I... I understand.” Each syllable feels like a weight upon his chest, threatening to suffocate him as he resigns himself to the heartbreaking reality of your decision.

“It is,” you confirm with a heavy finality, and in that moment, his heart shatters into a million irreparable fragments, scattered across the floor like the remnants of a shattered dream as you walk away.

Ever since you broke up, a sickness gnaws at him, but he desperately clings to the impending arrival of his child as a beacon of hope. Yet, intertwined with the anticipation is a bitter realization—he’s lost you, and it leaves a repugnant taste lingering in his mouth. He never wanted to be forced into a choice, yet it seems he inadvertently prioritized his impending fatherhood over you, a decision that fills him with self-loathing. Deep down, all he truly yearns for is to be by your side once more.

Every time his gaze falls upon you, your face is etched with profound sadness, and he’s torn between offering you the solace of space or the comfort of his presence. Though you still exchange words sporadically, the connection you once shared feels like a distant memory, a mere echo of what once was.

The ache of missing you consumes him, a relentless longing that claws at his heart. He yearns for nothing more than to be reunited with you, to reclaim the bond you once shared. But the weight of the situation crushes him under its unbearable pressure. Should he forsake his child for the chance to have you back? The mere thought is agonizing, a cruel dilemma tearing him apart at the seams. He’s trapped in a labyrinth of pain, unable to discern a way out of the turmoil engulfing him.

Fuck.

Reflecting on the myriad mistakes he’s made sends a searing pain coursing through his heart, each misstep a haunting reminder of the turmoil he’s inflicted upon you. The weight of his transgressions feels crushing, almost unbearable, yet amidst the wreckage of his past, one truth remains steadfast—you loved him, despite it all. Perhaps you still do, but the uncertainty gnaws at him like a relentless beast. Yet, in the depths of his remorse, his love for you burns bright and unwavering. He’s determined to find a way to convey his unwavering desire to win back your love, to fight for the chance to make things right and rebuild what was once lost.

That’s precisely why tears cascade down onto the paper as he pours his heart out in the letter destined for you.

Author’s note(2): Thank you so much for reading! 🌸 I would very much appreciate it if you reblogged the chapter, if you liked it ✨ A small review or a comment would also mean a lot to me, and even a like. But please, don’t be afraid to let me know what you think; your kind words makes me extremely happy 💜 Remember the Q&A that is coming in the Epilogue— if you want to send in some questions for the characters, you can do it now (and later too) → Ask the characters (or me), anything ❣️

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[0w0tsuki]

I think it's important to note Death of the Author and Authorial Intent when discussing the transness of Chihiro from daganronpa. I've talked about it in reblogs but I wanted my own post. A lot of people confuse the two and in the case of old school Chihiro transmisoginists purposely create a new definition.

People seem to be under the impression that death of the impression a lot of the time that Death of The Author means "If I don't like what the author has to say I can just ignore it and say it didn't happen or Miku wrote it or something" which is a true statement but it's not the definition. And people who still comment "him*" on any fan post that uses she/her for Chihiro in 2024 define Authorial Intent as "The creator of every work writes with a specific intent and if you disagree with anything the author says you are WRONG and NOT a TRUE fan!" which not only isn't true but doesn't account for if the author's vision is even worth defending.

This is why there was such a nuclear meltdown over Bridget's trans confirmation and why it took them so long to get out of the translation conspiracy retcon bad ending phase before they moved on to trying to co-opt leftist language to make it about "femboy representation". Because it was the first time the author of one of their darling femboys didn't agree with them and they couldn't use "facts don't care about your feelings" to harass trans positive people.

But actually Authorial Intent is just a term to refer to "what did the author mean when they wrote this?" and is actually a part of Death of the Author which means "No matter what the Author says they approach every work with their own biases and that affects the work. So in order to understand the work you must understand the author so you can understand how their worldview bleeds into the work."

When people talk about Death of the Author in reference to H.P. Lovecrafts racism they don't mean "Well HP was a racist so you can just ignore him and write Cuthulu however you want." they mean "HP's racism is very prevalent in his works and viewing how he describes the monsters in his world gives insight to the times prejudices.". HP's works are actually a very effective tool in learning how bigotry affects horror.

Now to see where I'm going here is that Kodaka is a massive transmisogynist. Not only is there everything that is going on in DR1 chapter 2, but there's also his newest work which depicts a male character who dresses up as a girl for the explicit purpose of tricking girls to and sexually take advantage of them, there's Sakura who's in the same game as Chihiro whose character design the Spikechunsoft team initially didn't approve of but Kodaka got through under the guise of "body positivity" only to turn around and make her the butt of "woman who is ugly because she looks like a man" jokes for the entirety of her screentime, hell the only character who ever displays any positivity for trans women (which is transmed at best) is Tenko Cabashira who herself is a standin for Kodaka's misogynistic/lesbiphobic idea of "Man Hating feminazi Dyke".

Chihiro is a trans woman not because the work literally says she is which is what the criteria is for transmisogynists. She's a trans woman because she represents what trans women are to Kodaka. To Kodaka they are at best confused boys who just don't know that they are "allowed to be feminine", at neutral they are good jokes to get a quick laugh, at worst they are predators who prey on young girls, and anyone who supports them is a raging feminazi who probably grew up in a cave.

It's why after we had the incredible uncomfortable corpse investigation every student automatically switched to he/him without so much as a discussion to how Chihiro would want to be referred is because to the author there is no discussion. To the author your genitals are your gender (See also the "transmed at best" Tenko final FTE where will be cool with Suichi as long as he becomes a girl which of course involves getting The Surgery™) and Chihiro's genital reveal is instead this harsh truth of reality that the characters are supposed to feel exposed and lied to about, even the character who is the target of Kodaka's transmisogynistic humor.

This is why it requires a real stretch of the imagination to pull Transmasc Chihiro out of this story because Chihiro is not barred from masculinity in any way, shape, or form. Masculinity is actually expected of her and she is punished with bullying for not performing it. Chihiro does not feel pressure to present feminine, Chihiro is pressured to perform masculinity and her feminine presentation is written as an easy escape from that expectation. Because to Kodaka, Chihiro represents the trans women he views as failed men whose motivation for transitioning is a convenient escape from having to meet the rigorous standards of toxic masculinity. When the secrets are threatened to be revealed, Chihiro does not pursue masculine presentation out of some desire to finally be seen as a man, but out of desperation to not be seen as weak and exploitable when her secret is exposed.

I don't know how to segway from that into this so I'm just going to say. The next time some femboy fascist tries to butt their heads in to "Um Akctually" about a trans woman's existence do not attempt to argue "well actually she IS a trans woman in canon" because unless the character in question is specifically Bridget Guilty Gear, chances are the author is going to be on their side. And even in the case of Bridget, the ones that are still arguing for "canon femboy" Bridget are the ones who never moved on from the mistranslation conspiracy stage of denialism. No amount of pointed official interviews, dialogue, or official wikis is going to convince them because in their mind Daiuske is a turbocuck who is either capitulating or has been brainwashed by the woke West and has forcefully taken the reins to retcon the true author's authentic vision.

If you're going to engage with them which by the way I don't recommend you doing. But let's just pretend you have to. Let's just pretend you're a popular YouTuber which never presented that you have progressive views who unknowingly drew in these people into your fanbase who had a very vocal transmisogynistic reaction to a transfem headcannon. So in this completely imaginary scenario you need to challenge them on their transmisogyny. Ask them why the "correct" interpretation of the work is worth defending and harassing people over.

As the Bridget denialism has shown, these people are VERY dependent on the work agreeing with them because it allows for them to argue correctness without having to deal with such silly little complications as "morals" or "values". They are completely unequipped to defend their transmisogyny because they are so used to using their idea of "Authorial Intent" as a rhetorical crutch and most of the time DO NOT WANT their transmisogyny to be called out as such. It's why when left with no convincing way to deny Bridget's trams existence the ones that DID pivot decided to pivot to taking leftist arguments and swapping some of the words out to make their arguments SOUND progressive. Because they felt that if they couched themselves in leftist sounding language then that would be enough to convince people that they weren't violent reactionaries but were instead GNC men who were expressing loss over valuable representation. Which is just bullshit considering it's just the transfem version of "we're losing our tomboys!" transphobic arguments that people are pretty quick to pick up on but since targets of these arguments were trans women we had genuine queers who were sympathizers and parroting talking points of "While you can't be mad over new Transfem representation you can't fault them for expressing sadness over losing a positive role model for GNC cis men"

Just don't play the "well actually" game with fascists if you can avoid it

[acourtofthought]

SJM regressed the growth of both Nessian and Elucien from ACOWAR to ACOFAS.

Naturally, after Nessian's book I'd expect Elucien? I will admit, the HOFAS stuff seem to shine a light on Az, but I don't see why he HAS to be next.

I love Gwynriel, I love Gwyn and I love Az when he's interacting with Gwyn

But Az getting his HEA before Lucien and Elain would make me so mad. No because if he had a mate, and if another male went after her.. he'd end the guy. For someone who values his 'religion' (eye roll, the cauldron, mother whatever) he seems to disrespect it by going after another male's mate. Would he have done it to his brothers? Why is no one talking about this? And he's not even after Elain for a romantic reason!

No slander to Elain though, girlie is new to all this. I understand her even if she frustrates me at times (like tryna kiss Az when Lucien was there, I totally get her wanting a fling, but I wish she'd literally picked any other day plz my heart hurts for Lulu)

And honestly, I see why announcing Azriel's book would make E*riels seethe.. but, I would feel more vindicated if Sarah announces an Elain book with Lucien. Given how much they keep crapping on Lucien, it would stun them.

Something you said above stood out to me and is a bit different than the way I usually approach Elucien being next. I do think she deserves her time to shine after so many books of being pushed to the side by the other characters, same with Lucien. But I also think it's time for readers to understand why she is treating Lucien this way, what she was thinking on Solstice when her mate was nearby. That is such a topic of debate in the fandom. The other side claims it's proof Elain doesn't care for Lucien, some Gwynriels and Elucien's are a little put off by her seeming lack of concern, and some don't hold it against her but they want to understand why she did what she did. I think it would be odd for the author to let yet another Solstice pass by with zero insight as to why it happened that way (especially if at that point an Elucien endgame is all but confirmed if Gwynriel were to end up together). That's another book where readers are left puzzled by her actions with no explanation. Another book where readers are still frustrated by those actions with no explanation. At some point the author has to begin providing reasons for why a character is behaving the way they are and I think we're there with Elain. Why is she often absent from important IC meetings? Why are people noting different expressions on her face, watching her do things and deciding what those things mean but then being given information that contradicts their initial impression? Why was she warm then cold towards Lucien? Why did Feyre think maybe she wanted her hands cut up which is why she didn't use the gloves Lucien gave her but the following year we have confirmation that Elain is wearing gloves (just not Lucien's)? Why did Nesta think she was so happy and settled only for Elain to confirm she still has trauma? I personally love Elain but I can't pretend she's a fan favorite and I think the main reason for that is Sarah has her character remaining a bit of a mystery, giving us varying opinions through the other characters which confuses many. I think she has a lot of depth and there are very valid reasons for the way she's behaving but since we don't have confirmation of anything, to others it is at times going to look as if she's being unkind or thoughtless. Again, I think an author can only write this kind of narrative for a character for so long before the character ends up being written off by the fandom and I do feel this is a perfect time for Sarah to finally reveal Elain to all of us before the hate of her becomes worse.

[ecargmura]

Oshi No Ko Episode 21 Review - Ambiguous Conclusion To The Mystery

Something’s not right about the conclusion of the mystery behind Aqua’s father. It feels too out of character that Aqua, someone who’s so meticulous and cautious, would let this go just like that. He’s usually so analytical when it comes to things like this. Hasn’t he considered that Uehara doesn’t share the same hair and eye color as him? Ruby looks identical to Ai, yet Aqua looks nothing like Uehara. Is he stopping because he wants to close the revenge now that a lead has been cut off? I don’t think Aqua of all people would ignore the blatant loophole in front of his eyes. It’s definitely not over and I think that Aqua’s just choosing to ignore it because he wants to be at peace.

With the conclusion to the father mystery done on an ambiguous note, we now focus on Ruby and B-Komachi and what their next step is now that Kana got some time now. They got 20,000 subscribers on their Youtube channel and Mem-cho is doing all she can to increase it. She has some ideas like room tours and making an original song. Mem-cho, being the only adult of he group, understands the woes of the world of finance. I found it hilarious how she’s basically scaring Ruby and Kana with taxes and expenses.

We get some insight into Ruby as it felt forever since she last got some spotlight. She’s impatient and wants the new song from hitmaker composer Himura (voiced by Daisuke Hirakawa) as soon as possible because she wants to find Gorou as soon as possible (and that waiting too long will make Memcho enter her 30’s). While she does find a way to motivate Himura into creating a song for the new B-Komachi, I’m not really too convinced by it.

To be honest, Ruby has never been my favorite character; in fact, she’s been my least favorite so far. Don’t get me wrong; she does have a funny personality and what not, but I’m not super convinced she’s a super talented idol. Yeah, she’s Ai’s daughter and was motivated by her even before reincarnation, but all Ruby has been doing is hopping off others for her success. She has popular influencer Mem-cho and former child actress Kana Arima in the same group as her; she uses B-Komachi to restart Ai’s legacy under her name; her brother is Aqua who got some notion of fame due to the reality dating show and being the last-minute casting addition for Sweet Today. Heck, the reason Kana and Mem-cho are in the group is because Aqua recruited them, not her (though, Ruby did see star potential in Kana, but Kana only joined because Aqua asked her). She’s also the adopted daughter of the once popular Strawberry Productions’ current CEO Miyako who’s the wife of Ichigo. She’s essentially a nepo baby riding off of others. Argue with me all you want, but I’m not wrong. I just wish that I could see more of her building up her fame by herself. I would’ve been more convinced if she had done like a flash mob or had a Youtube video that went viral. I guess that’s just more on the poor writing choice on the author’s part…

Anyways, I’m a little intrigued with the possible return to Miyazaki now that Aqua’s got some free time. What will happen? Also, that girl with the white hair and red eyes is definitely bad news. What are your thoughts on the episode so far?

[serenpedac]

Hii, can you recommend TWC writers? I'm new to the fandom so I dunno many writers (for any detective).

Thank youu 💓

Hi anon! Welcome to the fandom ^^ This was a great ask, it was fun to get a chance to talk about the amazing writers in this fandom! 

Some notes:  If someone writes for multiple pairings, I mention the one that is my favourite of theirs first. This list only has writers who post their work on Ao3, since that’s my preferred place to read fic. Some of the people on this list are not (as) active in the fandom atm, but their work is still very much worth reading! One final caveat is that there are many other writers that I love, but argh, this list was already getting very long haha

Alright, enough rambling, here’s a list! I hope you’ll have fun reading <3

SerialChillr (@serial-chillr) – Detective/Mason, Detective/Nate – Amazing writing, obviously, but I wanted to highlight the way Serial writes relationships. The gradual development of intimacy, opening up, ah, just everything. Also, excellent smut!

firebreathing_bitchqueen (@thee-morrigan) – Detective/Nate, Adam/Nate, Detective/Ava, Detective/Morgan, Detective/Felix – First of all, I love Katie’s N-mancing detective Holland. Self-reliant and sarcastic, she plays off of Nate really well. Other than that, Katie’s prose is always a joy to read and her writing feels very immersive!

cryptidlibrarian (@vryptidart) – All pairings (ignoring gender options), including Detective/Farah and OC/Nat – What I love most about Salt’s writing is how they bring their stories and characters to life, whether that’s in their stories that expand on the world of Wayhaven or in their various AUs. Their stories always feel imaginative and vibrant!

aeruh (@sealriously-sealrious) – Detective/Felix – This writer currently only has one TWC fic online (though I saw a WIP snippet for another one), but oh, the way they write F is so good! Nuanced and with a great character voice. I’ve also read a few of their works for their other fandom, which were also very good, so I’m happy to recommend them.

Arcane_Apparition (@agnt-sexysuavewell) – Detective/Nate – I’ve some catching up to do on this writer’s fic, but ones I have read have been wonderful. The feels! The turns of phrase! I also feel they have such a good understanding of N’s character. 

evil_bunny_king (@evilbunnyking) – Detective/Nate/Ava (poly as well as LT), Nate/Ava, Detective/Nate, Detective/Adam – Listing my favourite pairing here was a bit of a struggle, as all Bunny’s writing is gorgeous. The atmosphere, the beautiful prose, the insight into different characters and their relationships to one another. Masterful writing!

forest_creatures (@whalesfall) – Detective/Nate, Adam/Nate – Again, beautiful prose, but I also really like how their writing goes into a slightly darker direction at times, focusing on the vampire’s need blood. Because, let’s be honest, there’s something very sexy about drinking someone else’s blood. Seeing this writer return to the fandom when book 3 came out made me very happy!

plasticdodecagon (@wayhavenots) – Detective/Nate, Detective/Morgan, Detective/Ava – Great dialogue! Seriously, PD’s character interactions are so well-written, whether they are lighthearted or more angsty, they always feel very realistic. Just a heads up, I think she has a couple fics here on tumblr that are not on Ao3.

Lykegenia (@lykegenia) – Detective/Nate – Lovely writing that just flows wonderfully  and is a delight to read. The relationship dynamic between Nate and her detective, Leah, is so good, but what I love most is how she captures Nate’s character.

shahrazade (@ava-du-mortain) – Detective/Ava, Detective/Morgan, Detective/Nat, Detective/Morgan/Ava (LT), Detective/Farah – Very varied writing, from angsty snippets to sweeter ones to horror, and all of them have some very poetic turns of phrase in them. Also, Nairuz captures all members of UB really well!

narrativefoitrope (@narrativefoiltrope) – Detective/Mason, Detective/Nat, Detective/Ava – The soft angst of Erin’s Winter/Mason pairing hurts so so good! They explore what a detective choosing to remain human means in such a heartbreakingly intimate and thoughtful way. On a more general note, I really like the dynamics of all their pairings (narrative foils indeed).

Ejunkiet (@ejunkiet) – Detective/Mason, Nate/Adam, Detective/Nate, Detective/Ava, Detective/Morgan, Detective/Falk – My favourite thing about EJ’s writing is how the trust and intimacy comes across so well. There is some excellent smut in here, always with feelings shining through, whether those feelings are spoken (or even acknowledged) or not. I very much admire how EJ makes me feel those, ehm, feels!

qbrujas (@queerbrujas) – Detective/Nate, Detective/Morgan, Detective/Nat, Detective/Ava, Detective/Felix – Stunning prose that always feels so intense. As in, the emotions are felt very strongly, pulling me along, and I’m here for it. Silv also has great interpretations of N in general.

natehsewell (not on tumblr anymore?) – Ava/Nat, Detective/Nate, Detective/Ava, Detective/Adam – The kind of writing that makes my heart ache, because it’s so beautiful. It’s like poetry that makes you want to read it over and over.

In case you’re interested in recs for individual fics, here and here are my End of Year Fic Rec Lists from the past two years. 

As a final, gentle note, I’m sure these writers would be overjoyed to get a comment if you’ve read and enjoyed their writing.

[the-owl-tree]

you said alderheart works more as a supporting character and you know what? THAT’S what I’ve been trying to figure out was so boring about the books since this new trend of male characters. they’re not nearly compelling enough to be mcs. they’re supporting characters that the plot revolves around simply bc they’re men and the much more interesting female characters are interesting on ACCIDENT and sidelined or altogether forgotten because they are women. I’m just trying to understand how it keeps happening. how many years of this has it been? I can’t remember when avos came out. it’s gotta be like 8 right? damn near 10 years of this shit 😭

AVOS came out in 2016 so that's around 8-7 years (which. got damn). Like idk Alderheart is...fine, I guess. I'm sure if I reread AVOS I might get some enjoyment out of him, but as a protagonist, he just isn't what the story needs. A key part of AVOS is the growing instability of ShadowClan, something that should arguably be established in the first book...which since we're locked into Alderheart's POV, we don't really get a good enough glimpse. He's got no real particularly interesting insights on the situation from afar, and a majority of the apprentice's quest is essentially him being ushered into the plot by other characters (becoming a medic, going on the journey, and so on). I get people like his more anxious/timid nature, it's fine, but is is just....not the character I would have picked to be the POV. I honestly think he'd be better as a cute little guy on the side trembling and being silly.

Even thematically wise, the plot they have for him is just sort of...meh? I'd argue a key theme of AVOS is family (dare i say. kin), and Alderheart's parental troubles never really go anywhere because the writing team doesn't really want to make Bramblestar looking bad despite him agreeing to separate two orphan babies (and he doesn't even break out into song and starting calling alderheart an entitled piece of shit just a pot smoking good or nothing-). The most we get is the rift between Alderheart and Sparkpelt growing + some Twigbranch issues, but even then the former has a lot of issues in the writing that have only been exacerbated and the writing team has dropped any sort of familial bond Twig has with Alder. As much as I'd like a Spark POV, Alderheart more so makes me wish we'd gotten a ShadowClan POV instead! seriously we need to break the thunderclan pov curse especially after the recent asc book there should not be two povs on the same damn plotline-

Note: not Needletail, i think she's at her best when we don't know what she's thinking. she's a good supporting character

I don't think there's anything particularly new about the disinterest in the women with warriors, but it is feeling exacerbated with the new team's reluctance to try and carry over plotlines to keep arcs more self-contained (at least to me).

[isagrimorie]

I keep going back to what Kirsten Beyer said in the BTS for Stardust City Rag

Kirsten Beyer: "What we expect of our Star Trek heroes is that they will be able to overcome the very natural Human instincts that would in that case demand revenge." [snip] "I'm torn because my lifelong love for Star Trek tells me the same thing that the reason these people are our heroes is because they always manage to find their way to the light. But what a show like Picard is very intentionally and conscientiously doing is making the darkness a little bit deeper and darker. I sort of understand the necessity of a story like this."

Beyer hinted how much she struggled with this choice and writing this story for Seven. She gets why but it's something I feel she still struggles with because when David Mack wrote Firewall -- Beyer made sure to walk Mack back when he had a scene where Seven just killed a lot of people and walked it off.

Mack gave credit to Kirsten for pulling him back from that and how Kirsten made sure to note that 2 years post-Voyager, Seven of Nine wouldn't be just cavalier about killing people.

And that in Stardust City Rag Seven was driven to that point.

I've now read Kirsten Voyager's relaunch novels and I get why Kirsten had some reservations.

As for Jeri Ryan, as an actress, of course, she loves this kind of stuff-- the more gut-wrenching, the better the acting exercise it is for her. The one Jeri Ryan had trouble with is Seven's new speech pattern. It's only when Jonathan del Arco shared the insight that Seven might have just been masking/becoming more Human for survival

Personally, I don't have a problem with Seven killing Bjayzl, the cold open has given enough reason why Seven would.

Although I don't think Seven killed Bjayzl's guards.

When Seven killed Bjayzl her blaster (phaser?) color was red:

And then when the guards stormed in, Seven's blaster colors turned blue:

So she was, at most, stunning them on her way out.

Seven executed Bjayzl but only Bjayzl. She played judge, jury, and executioner but also as Seven said in that part of the 'verse (I refuse to consider Freecloud as part of the Federation) there was no law.

Also, killing Bjayzl might have also stopped the Borg harvester operation-- at least in her organization.

Anyway, I wish we saw Seven's soul searching after she killed Bjayzl.

How she went from here:

To this moment in the season finale of Picard s1:

I can make the leap in my head how Seven got there -- how after so many years of searching Bjayzl finally got her revenge and in the end... apart from the moment of satisfaction. It didn't really assuage her pain.

But on the show, we didn't really see this soul searching onscreen since Seven wasn't a main character in Picard s1 -- on Voyager we would be following her all the way to the end of the episode. But also, the show was called "Picard" not "Seven of Nine". And it only had 10 episodes, there's not enough runway to showcase this.

One of my favorite moments in The Originals is after finally enacted her vengeance on someone who made it impossible for Hayley to be with her infant daughter.

And how in the end, that revenge didn't even do anything.

I feel Seven needed to walk that dark path, so she could find her own way back, following her own road out.

/ETA

[writing-havoc]

Hello! I wanted to request, if you write for Nikolai, a scenario where the female reader has a moment of romantic tension with Nikolai. Although it can be anything that doesn't have distress.

Project

♡ Summary: You bump into Nikolai on the way to the library, he accompanies you

♡ Fandom: Shadow and Bone, Grishaverse

♡ Pairing: Nikolai Lanstov x Fem!Reader

♡ Warning(s): None

♡ WC: 2.1k

Hello! I absolutely do take requests for Nikola

My apologies for taking so long to get to this request </3. I wanted to read King of Scars and Rule of Wolves to try and get a better understanding of his character. Reading takes me a while. It takes a minute actually start a new book and then I became swamped with homework but!! I got it done

Hope you enjoy and that it is to your liking <3

Please excuse any grammar and spelling mistakes

∘₊✧──────────────────✧₊∘

David needed to be more careful about his notes.

It's not that he was careless, per se, he took good care to make sure they weren't in any immediate danger.

But man are his scribbles hard to read.

There are parts where you can clearly tell he was looking elsewhere rather than at the notebook while he was writing, the words slanting or bunching together or becoming a really long line that he wrote over. And there are parts that one might assume were penned by an upper-class woman.

At this point it's its own language, one that you can't add to your growing list quite yet. Genya, though, is fluent.

Too bad she isn't present at the moment.

David sat across from you. Well, not really sat. More like he got stuck between standing and sitting over a stool as he made calculations on a spare piece of paper, rapidly looking between diagrams and another book of his notes. He mumbled every once in a while, which made Genya smile. Genya was actually sitting, rambling about something that you weren't quite sure the topic of, your presence only acknowledged when she needed you to confirm something and when she first appeared to say hi.

You know it's not meant with malice though. You loved seeing them together. The look David got when Genya suggested something, his brain doing the calculations and seeing that it worked, made it easier to feel like there was hope somewhere.

Somewhere blond, preferably.

"David, can I take your notes to the Little Palace?" You asked, hoping you spoke loud enough to get past the haze he was working himself into. "I just need to cross reference something in the library and i'm not gonna be able to remember this chicken scratch."

"A chicken has not been near my notes ever." He said, eyebrows creasing. "No, you can't. I need them here for this."

You sighed, fixing your posture from where you were leaned over. 'Careful what you wish for', you supposed. "Alright, I'll be back with probably about fifty books in tow."

"There's a book cart just outside the library!" Genya called to you, a smile on her face. "Put them on there and they shouldn't be hard to wheel back!"

"I'll keep that in mind." You replied, voice monotone.

The way back was filled with attempts at trying to not forget what exactly you needed. You thought of various keywords in the notes and the project itself.

It was relatively simple. Just making improvements on Ravkas airships and implementing them in the most optimal and cost effective way possible.

You'll probably need various books actually. The whole "fifty books" joke didn't seem funny anymore. Off the top of your head there was a rather recent one about aerodynamics. One of the Squallers around here should be able to give a bit of insight about it as well. There may be a way to make the airships lighter, but that would be sacrificing strength and safety for the people on the aircraft.

Maybe you could use the idea of the bulletproof kefta and apply that to the hull. At least to the more critical parts. Though that would require a horrible amount of fabric and would just be awkward. They'd have to withstand ground artillery, which is exponentially more powerful than a bullet.

But you could always scrap the fabric and make a different material semi bulletproof.

Inside the walls, you bumped headfirst into a surprisingly stiff figure. You grabbed onto them tight and righted your legs, their arms gripping you as well.

"My apologies-" you looked up, coming face to face with the King "-moi tsar."

He smirked. "Don't fall for me quite yet. I haven't properly courted you. And I know ive told you many a time that you may call me Nikolai, if you so please. It feels awkward among friends to be referred to in such a formal manner."

You sighed, a smile tugging on your lips, disentangling yourself from his limbs. "If you insist, Nikolai."

He grinned, something wide and reaching the corners of his eyes. "Oh, I definitely do."

Nikolai let you go, only moving half a step out of reach. He smelled vaguely of petrichor and more strongly of smoke. But it wasn't choking, rather welcomed. It took you back quite a few years, sitting with your parents next to a great bon fire, smiles on your faces and stories exchanged.

"You seemed terribly distracted just before we engaged in such a lovely embrace." He prodded.

You sighed once more. "Yes. I was attempting to gather a list of books in my head for the reinforcing. It kept getting longer and longer as I thought about it."

"Quite the load, I take it?"

"Unfortunately so. I can think of two others as I stand here." You rubbed your hands over your eyes, dreading the task of reading them. They ached already.

"Ill lend a helping arm. Or two, considering the grave look on your face."

You couldn't help the giggle that escaped your lips, a deep breath filling your lungs with more smoke. A thousand thoughts were playing in your mind, and then a flit of sudden embarrassment overcame your skin.

"My apologies, Nikolai." You took your hands away from your eyes, looking up and finding his trained on you. They looked greener today. "I don't mean to say the work is too much, or too hard, really, I don't. Im just complaining-"

"Allow me to stop you there to say, it's alright. It's to my understanding that you didn't get enough sleep last night?" Nikolai began walking, a slow pace meant to nudge you along, and you followed immediately.

"I..." You wondered how he knew that, and then realized you had complained to Tamar earlier this morning. Your heart fluttered. "No, I didn't. A cold breeze kept coming in through to my chambers. Drove me crazy trying to find where it was coming from."

He made a noise in understanding. "I take it you found it?"

"I did," your shoulder bumped into his arm, "not until I realized the moon had nearly run its course through the sky."

"Happens to the best of us, unfortunately."

Nikolai opened the door to the library, holding it open for you. You grabbed your kefta and playfully curtsied. "Why, thank you."

"My pleasure." It caught you off guard how sincere he was. Still, you smiled, walking through the door and immediately scanning the aisles and aisles of books.

"What are we looking for?" Nikolai asked.

You turned to face him, his eyes doing just that same as yours before. "Nikolai, I cannot ask that of you-"

"Oh but you didn't ask me anything. I'm volunteering my services. You should be grateful, you know. It's not everyday that someone gets to order a king around."

You rolled your eyes, waiting a moment, two, for him to back out. And when he didn't, you swallowed a confession and began to rattle off the list of books you accumulated and the ideas you had with them.

Nikolai went a few rows down, apparently knowing exactly what book you would need about various ways wind behaves given the shape of an object. You wanted to get advice straight from a Squaller, but apparently almost all of them where spread throughout Ravka and those that remained seemed to be highly busy elsewhere, and you would like answers sooner rather than later.

Most the other books you needed were more rudimentary than anything. Little things to refresh your memory. The math was going to be the hardest part.

Some were for inspiration. They broached a similar topic and held actual experiments and diagrams about how they worked. Hopefully they would give you an idea or two.

You reached on your tip toes, fingers just barely grazing the underneath of the last book you needed. The books were tightly packed, which you could feel but didn't know the extent of as you looked down, your muscles stretching to get just a few more millimeters.

When it was finally teetering on the edge, you gave one last tug and looked up. However, you barely had time to realize that three other books were coming down along side it.

You braced for impact, ready to feel the stabbing pain of book corners jabbing into your skull and the nape of your neck. You felt a different presence over you.

The feeling of cloth, warmth and a Kings coat barely felt through your kefta but ever present.

Quickly you turned, seeing Nikolai standing with his arms crossed over your head, a book perfectly balanced there.

"Ow." He said, moving a hand and grabbing the book. He looked at the cover and gave a short chortle, showing the cover. "I believe this, is what you were looking for?"

But your mind couldn't catch up. That smell of smoke filled your nose, the undertone of petrichor back in full swing and paper to boot. The library was silent, a faint chattering heard from outside the door as people passed.

Nikolais hazel eyes stared at you, definutely more green given the palette of his outfit and the browns of the books. The longer you looked the wider the centers became, flickering in size when he looked from your eyes and down your nose, over your cheek, to the corners of your mouth and over your lips, back to your eyes. You could feel your heart pounding in your chest, trying to leap out and into the hand that held that damned book.

He knew what he was doing, letting you see it all. Nikolai is a king, master of pretending. His jacket stuttered in and out, heart beating so hard you could just barely see it pick up beneath his coat. This was genuine.

You reached out to the book, fingers touching his warm ones. Without breaking eye contact, you muttered a small "thank you", and watched as his eyes creased.

"My pleasure." He leaned forward, bunting his forehead into yours for a mere moment before leaning back.

"Is your shoulder okay?" You asked, watching him roll it.

He stood still. "I've faced worse. I'll be alright."

He surveyed the area around him, the three books you didn't need scattered on the floor while another two were dropped at his feet. You could feel the four you grabbed resting against your foot where you nearly stepped on them.

"Left quite a mess, haven't we?" You said, tapping the book to your chest. Your heart was still pounding, and you didn't even want to imagine how hot your face felt. Nikolais own was back down to its usual light tan, but his eyes were still like saucers in the center, his breath a slight stutter in his coat. Just barely there.

"Just a little." He leaned down and grabbed two, walking forward and pausing in front of you again. You moved out of the way, leaning down and grabbing the last of the ones that fell.

You handed it to him for him to put back. He allowed his hand to brush yours. You both snickered at the childish flirting, leaning down to pick up the plethora of books you acquired.

Nikolai took two of your books without a word, leaving you with only three in your hands.

"Are you sure you don't have anywhere to be?"

"You're actually quite lucky. I was on my way to Kirigans when you greeted me with that little hug of yours."

You knew it was a lie. But if he was willing to miss whatever it was he was intending on going to to make a detour to Lazlayon, then it couldn't have been that important.

"If you're sure."

"My dear y/n." He just couldn't stop smiling. "I can be sure of anything, if you would will it so."

And isnt that the perfect way to stop your heart? You rolled your eyes. "Such a romantic, you are."

"I hear a challenge."

"Oh saints please no."

You dread to see the lengths he would go to prove just how romantic he could be. But for now, you'll accept this.

[chaifootsteps]

One thing about Hazbin that makes me sad is that I was so inspired and kind of obsessed with it over covid. I really thought it was going to be the next big thing and had the potential (note: potential) to be an insightful story about redemption and what it means to be "good person." I really was hoping it would do into ideologies and how good is subjective and can be variable, but that doesn't diminish the importance of trying to be the best you can to the world and those around you. I always liked how Charlie's song in the pilot seemed to focus on the plethora of "not to do's" and how being positive will get you into Heaven, which is superfical, but I was so excited to see her grow and understand what it means for someone to be worth redemption and even if they are, would the powers at be allow them into heaven.

Then Helluva Boss happened. And I am actually glad it did, since it really let me check my Hazbin expectation. I genuinly think season 1 had problems, but overall a genuinly okay season. I would have made some/quite a few changes, but it works. Season 2 feels so aimless and no overarching story. Season 1 can semi get away with that because it is the start so things are getting started, but it also had some themes of Moxxie's and Blitz's sense of self and the relationship with Stolas. I really didn't ship Stolitz, since they are not my cup of tea (I find little too creepy sometimes), but I was curious where things were going to go.

I think Hazbin genuinly has Helluva as a blessing and a curse. Hazbin had cracks but overall the pilot is more enjoyable than Helluva in my opinion. There are things I don't like, but I had some hope things would get ironed out for a grand show. Helluva really had me tamper my expectations for what I will see in Hazbin, but it also killed my intrest and excitement. If this is Vivzie at her best, then what is Hazbin. Did rhey have a writers room to critique the story or are we going with Viv's vision. I will say the quality of the show completly depends on how much of a writers room workshopped her ideas. I think she has fantastic ideas and concepts but is poor on the followthrough. It could still have a chance if theg brought writers in to help her.

I also worry that with the amount of time between the pilot and the release Hazbin fans have had more time to read and develope more insightful character and if Helluva is any example, then I worry that we shouldn't expect much from Hazbin.

I also don't think Vivzie has done much late 19th and 20th century history reading, since most of her characters were born, lived, and died then, but it only takes 10 minutes of googling and just wiki (a sourse viv has access to) to see how little research and sense went into some character backstories. You gotta at least know some broad stroked of when there were born, what they were around for at what ages and when they died. Strangly I think Husk is biggest offender, but I bet Alastor the more the show goes on will take the cake. If Mimzie shows up, I bet she's also barely researched since her asthetic and death date don't line up if you want her to be like that when she died. I have been reading for unrelated reasons books of early 20th century history of the US and around the world. I could write paragraphs on the issues of Husk historically and how we barely makes sense or doesn't. I know it's a fictional work, but some of these are bad, and it makes Viv look ignorant. You don't need things to be perfect for your show, and I would implore people to take some creative liberties, since the past is super complicated. However, I shouldn't be able to google questions and read wiki for 10 minutes to destroy your character idea completely since the backstory becomes impossible almost instantly. (HUSK)

Now Helluva is doing something and the show I waited years for I feel might be a dud. I can't say it didn't have positive impacts on my life since it made me curious to try new hobbies that reminded me of the characters. It's dorky but I kept my reasonings to myselr and just enjoyed the activity. I now habe nee friends, hobbies, and skills (and no one knows why I did this).

Anon, are you sure you're not me? Because the covid lockdown was exactly what led to me getting into Hazbin, and then attached enough to ignore Vivzie's stacking red flags for a while. It kept me sane during that miserable summer, which just so happened to coincide with some very difficult fandom stuff. It got me through when my grandma died.

Admitting the show wasn't the one we all dreamed of would have been one thing. Discovering what a tremendously awful person Vivzie is, that was a lot harder.

[blindmagdalena]

Hiiii it's me again!

I just wrapped up a full-on binge of your series with Homelander and Layla, and honestly, I've got to get a few things off my chest about these two. I'll try to keep this short, but there's a lot to unpack, and if you're not up for the essay I'm about to write here, feel free to skip it. Starting with Layla's profession — genius. It just clicks, right? With a job like hers, it's totally believable that she'd cross paths with a guy like Homelander. That guy's desperate for any scrap of affection he can get, doesn't really matter if it's genuine or not. And in your story, it feels like we get a dash of both. It's refreshing because usually, OCs just snap their fingers and suddenly, Homelander's all about them, which feels a tad forced.

But Layla? She's different. Their first serious meet-up perfectly demonstrates her patience. And her smarts? She's ten steps ahead, seeing right through Homelander's act — you know the one where he pretends he's too cool for the room. Her ability to play him like a fiddle from the get-go, just by stroking his ego, is just so spot on. It's not just her cunning that stands out, though. Layla knows exactly when to use emotional leverage, she's insightful about Homelander's neediness, hence the booked meeting. She's not your typical 'strong woman' character — thank goodness we're not talking about those overdone, one-dimensional types that come off as watered-down male heroes. Love that she's profoundly intelligent, perceptive, and strategic in her emotional connections. She's an exemplary character not wedged into the role of being “strong” but one who utilizes her understanding and empathy as powerful tools.

I'm sold on her character (if you can't tell.) And I'm really going all out here because as I revisit the first chapters to talk about this, I keep finding new reasons to appreciate her more. I want to dive deeper into my thoughts, but I'm probably just rambling now, so I'll cut myself off. You've single handedly got me working on my personal oc again lmfao. Just a last note, it's cool to see an original character who isn't some superpowered being for a change. It adds layers to the world you've built that I'm just here for. I'm gonna read a few other fics you have linked about your ocs — I came for the x reader fics and stayed for the ocs LOL.

— 💌

you genuinely took my breath away with this! my heart is so full and warm, i could cry. i can't tell you how many times i reread this this morning! i'm very tender-hearted when it comes to my original characters, and i was quite nervous starting an oc fic, but this makes me SO happy that i did!

please don't ever apologize for writing essays like this, i honestly want to print this out and hang it on my wall. thank you SO MUCH for not only reading my fic but taking the time to send me such an incredibly thoughtful message about my girl Layla. it really does mean the world to me!!! and i really can't wait to get back to writing Eat Your Ego.

i'm really happy that she's coming across so well! i knew that i would have to be careful in how i wrote her for the fact that she IS human, and there's a very delicate balance to be had in interacting with Homelander. there's a tension there that yeah, one wrong move and she really and truly has no defense against him aside from her wits, so i needed her empathy and intellect to be sort of a super power of their own.

i was worried she would come across as omniscient or meta, so i tried to lean into the fact that Homelander's ego and power trips really do just have him behaving like the type of men she would regularly encounter in her line of work.

aaahhh, gosh, even responding to this i reread it a whole bunch. thank you so much, darling. i'm going to treasure this message! 🖤

[stevie-petey]

hiiii can you give us some info about the songs in your come home playlist? youve added so many new songs im kinda scared 🥲

oh BOY anon im about to write you an essay ,,,,, whew get ready

generally speaking, each song correlates with either steve, jon, or bug. so im just gonna go through each song in the playlist and say who is for what and then some insight if i can <3 also, if it applies, what season i envision for each song !

1. pretty boy - steve (vibes overall how i see his character)

2. i dont know you like i used to - bugs feelings about jon in season 1 (no longer knows him anymore)

3. chelsea dagger - overall vibe for come home. it feels so stranger things coded and chasing around the party

4. buttons - jon n bug (their dynamic and where the knife engraving comes from !! bugs knives were inspired by this song)

5. i always knew - steve n bug <3333

6. sweet nothing - more steve n bug

7. august - come homes main message. i see steve/bug/jon when i hear the song. growing up.

8. maple syrup - heavy bug and steve season 2 coded

9. oh no i think im in love - steve falling for bug and his fear </3

10. kiss her you fool - so steve season 3 coded its insane. kiss her !!!!!

11. star tripping - honestly bug and steve vibes season 1 ??? feels very nancy and jon being messy and making them Miserable coded

12. to be your lover - STEVE N BUG SEASON 3 ANTHEM !!!!

13. ode to a conversation stuck in your throat - jon and steve. thats all i will say

14. youre okay - jon and bug. how they see one another. but also steve and bug later. they have each others backs. theyre ok together.

15. plan on you - BUG !!! ITS SO BUG CODED AS SHE REALIZES SHE LOVES STEVE. play this while reading season 2 and youll understand

16. just a boy - steves anthem. this song screams his character and how i envision affects his relationships with others

17. youre losing me - jon n bug. obviously

18. sick of losing soulmates - bug later season 2. shes over jon, she has a chance at love with steve. will come into play more season 3 so shhhh

19. halfway - jon and bug anthem. it pains me. read the lyrics. im begging.

20. out of tune - jon n bug again. explains their final scene together season 2. they grew up together n this song captures their childhood </3

21. did i love you - more jon n bug. these songs were added as i was planning season 2 lmao. also a jug anthem

22. your needs, my needs - jon n bug. ouch

23. if i didnt have you - jon n bug end of season 3. cant say more. but also i see steve n bug on a happier note, the song is melancholy

24. blink - jons anthem :((((((( truly, this is how he feels about bug. its him.

25. if you call - legally cant say who this is for but it applies to season 4

26. romeo and juliet - season 3 stug <3333 babies <3333

27. high tops - season 1-2 coded steve. pining for bug without realizing it. just always watching her. ugh.

28. olivia - BUG !!! season 4 specifically and steve fearing things lmao

29. the view between villages - B U G !!!!! its her anthem. especially for season 4. i cant say anything else

30. our last summer - season 3 vibes overall :( its everyones last summer together and it concludes season 3s vibes

31. til forever falls apart - overall just a very stranger things coded song, but def steve n bug during the later seasons <3

32. drive baby - horny and pining steve lmao

33. honey - STUG SEASON 3 ANTHEM BABYYYY !!!!!

34. featherstone - added her today. feels very but n jon and what they couldve had :(

what a lovely note to end on LMAO. hope u enjoyed my ramblings i love my playlist sm

[freedomfireflies]

Hiiihello 👋. Finally caught up on insufferable you, and let me just say…. I’m obsessed with this fic concept. You so beautifully allow each character to explore their place in the dynamic, and the tension that we’re seeing at the moment is so natural as they adjust (or struggle to adjust, in some cases) to the new dynamic. Like in some ways, I’m actually so grateful that Rebecca and H are settled into this 5 year relationship, because I think there would be so much more unease if everything new with Kitten was compounded by Rebecca and H still figuring out their own thing. Instead, we have Rebecca who is an absolute LEGEND. So warmly inviting Kitten into the dynamic, sort of guiding the way with teasing H about the intimate moments, revealing how their relationship works. Honestly Rebecca is top tier and they’re both lucky to have her!

And of course, it is so natural for Kitten to be jealous and nervous and settling in. She’s been monogamous for her prior relationships, and suddenly there’s someone else spending time with her crush/ partner. It broke my heart a little when she was trying to rush off the phone at the beginning because H was with Rebecca and has plans, even when she apologised for calling so early. Almost as if she only “has him” when he’s in her space or physically with him, whereas H was trying to take care of his girl and show her all of the other ways he could be hers even when es not there. I just thing that moment was so responsible of him, both the checking in post scene but also trying to care for her as she struggles to adapt to this newness.

And of course, the jealousyyyy. I’m glad H can admit it was hypocritical for him not to want her to call Ethan when he has Rebecca, but we have to remember this is new to him as well. We know he has shared Rebecca with other relationships previously, but so soon after they got together? Maybe not. And maybe (we hope) he’s feeling maybe some new things for Kitten which makes his struggle a little harder. I mean, we know I love a bit of angst and I see that coming sooooon if this Ethan bit does come in. In this chapter, H literally said he knew Kitten didn’t have any other plans because she tells him so much, and so what about when he asks to meet up and she says he can’t because she actually has plans?! And he’ll realise what she means and it will be a whole “oh…oh” moment. I will be HOWLING. And I can see him sulkily being like “can we do something Tuesday or is that Ethan’s night too?”. This man is about to get jealous on a whole new level. And maybe a bit petty as well, if he doesn’t agree with Ethan’s date choices (“he brought you to a horror film? As if, you hate those things. Here, why don’t we go see X film to make up for his horrible taste?”).

Lastly I just want to say that I have seen the other asks who were not comfortable with this dynamic and I think you had very respectful responses back. It’s true that this dynamic will not be for everyone, but that is why authors notes and warning tags exist. I personally am not so into fantasy themes, so when I see an author posting a new fantasy fic, I just done read it. I have no doubts the writing is excellent, I just know personally it won’t be for me. So I do hope you continue to write this fic, as myself and others are so invested to see what happens next. As I said up top, you’ve given each character their time to explore the dynamic and I think that’s a beautiful thing.

Sorrrry this is ridiculously long, I just had ✨thoughts✨. What was your favourite line from this chapter?

No because you don't understand, I just sat here staring at my phone with tears pouring down my cheeks over this because this is so incredibly sweet and kind and MY HEART IS GOING TO BURST???

Thank you so much for reading and for taking the time to say such wonderfully kind and crazy insightful things!!!! ALSO BC "Or is that Ethan's night, too?" THE WAY I FUCKING HOWLED OH MY GOD can I please steal this bc now I need him to be that bitter alsfjdf

I cannot thank you enough for reading and sending this, like I literally feel SPEECHLESS right now?? You have no idea, I'm actually going to think about this all week??? You absolutely got everything I was hoping would convey in the story and I'm 🥹

THIS IS SUCH A FUN AND GOOD QUESTION ILY!! Honestly......I don't remember any of the lines anymore so I had to go look HAHAH but!! I think I'd have to say, "If I don’t put a bit of distance between us…I don’t think I’ll ever be able to breathe on my own.” because I feel like it perfectly explains her reasoning and her feelings in this part! She's scared by how much she's starting to care for him and she knows this dynamic isn't sustainable when he doesn't feel the same way!

BUT ALSO ALL THE FUNNY ONES WHERE SHE SAYS SHE PREFERS HIM HARD ALSO HAD ME LAUGHING AT MY OWN JOKES AT LIKE 2 IN THE MORNING SO MAYBE THAT TOO HAHA

Thank you again so much for this, I'm.....still at a loss for words and I appreciate this more than you know!!!

[spider-xan]

I found it interesting from the first Insomniac artbook how the Sable troopers had more grounded and realistic armor/tech designs compared to the final game's more sci-fi look. I also found interesting the concept art of Peter in normal clothes confronting Sable troopers in the FEAST shelter, and what looked like Martin Li having kidnapped and filming Norman in a warehouse. For the 2nd book, all that stood out was how Venom was way smaller.

Yeah, I'm still going through the art book for the first game, which apparently also got a script book, and there is so much interesting content in the way of concept art and commentary that really shows the creative thought process behind how they designed the characters and scenes, even minor characters who just exist for Spider-Man to beat up as low-level villains - and there isn't really that level of detail and enthusiasm in the art book for the second game, even though I'm sure the creative team loved what they did and obviously put a lot of thought and creativity into the game, so I'm not sure why so little of it made it into the book? Like, on the art side of things, there was the art blast on Art Station last year, but that understandably didn't come with much commentary by the writers and narrative directors.

I really do think corporate saw the financial success of the first game and interfered more than they should have while being motivated by immediate profits bc we know the game itself was rushed by corporate pushing the developers to get the game out by the holiday season, and even though this art book got delayed from April to June, it feels rushed and lacking too, even if it's still very nice overall.

But yeah, like, while I didn't expect detailed commentary about characters who already appeared in the first game, I was disappointed there was so little about the new characters, who already didn't get characters bios in the game bc Insomniac dropped that feature for some reason, and at this point, I don't think they are going to add them in a future update, despite the demand for them.

Like, I love the two page spread of clothing designs for Harry, but I was disappointed there was very little text about his characterization and writing choices beyond a brief note about making him relatable with casual clothes like Peter, but higher quality to show his wealth - that's interesting, I love reading about how fashion reflects and reveals characterization, but there's so much more that could be included like the first art book and wasn't; same with Felicia, like, there's nothing there about her characterization and it's just a few notes about adding fur to her costume in the sequel game, and obviously, I love this version of Curt, but the Lizard aside, as Curt, he gets like, one page of designs and one short paragraph and a footnote about why he basically looks like a regular guy, which, again, gives some insight into his characterization, but on a superficial level.

And it's wild bc all three of these characters are more complex and integrated into the story (if you include the first game's DLCs for Felicia bc yeah, she was mostly an extended cameo in the sequel) than, say, Electro and the Rhino, who are great characters, but not especially complex and just show up for boss battles, but they got short essays about the writing and creative process behind their characterizations while Harry, Curt, and Felicia just get a few sentences about their clothes and maybe a note or two about their writing choices.

[minniepetals]

i’ve read lots of fics. from the very emm unorganised storyline, to perfecto storyline. or the messed up vocabulary/grammars to the most AI-like vocab and grammar fics. or the fluffiest fics to the most disgusting/ disturbing fics - i’ve read it all throughout my reading fanfics journey-

and i must say that cmar is really quiet the disturbing one- no hate though seriously, i just read all the genre and appreciate the story as it’s the art of literature in language and story. i love literature btw and right now pursuing my degree in this field.

thus im here just to share my two cents, that cmar is really quiet near to the masterpiece. why quiet near? because i have to wait till this piece of story finish- to comprehend the whole storyline and the ending. eheks- not doing research don worry, i just here learning to analyse since i have class that i learned how to analyse a poem/ stories etc. ㅋㅋㅋㅋ something akin to review ?? yes. and my prof said that to be a great writer you have to get feedback from readers- and i love you, ergo you know what i mean right ;)

what is disturbing? the character development. mc’s character quiet disturbing as she’s been through a lot of abusive past. also she lives is criminal environment, dark and vicious, thus i understand why she’s act like how she is. also, i like it how she stands up for herself even though she’s broken. she’s really strong for that even though i might say it’s 50-50 she’s strong yet she’s broke - so that’s a whole lot of a person could endure but she had it all.

what is more, the antagonists characters, her father, leehyun, karl, kihyun, etc- lots of them, like really lots- and honestly? i can’t keep track on them, and confused between these characters and their bad deeds. and i am so so sorry that sometimes i keep skipping some parts,thereby after awhile i go back and re read it again to understand the plot better-

sometimes i feel like, the focus on throwback were too much?? but somehow i feels like it’s necessary because the flashback will justify the current action why the characters do that. right?? but is there any other way to write it so that the readers don’t feel like to skip the part?? i’ve been meaning to ask that - welp it can be a question in my next class . :3

for the boys (our tannies) there’s not much i can say though, because there’s not much exposure on them for these few chapters- thus, im hoping in future chapters maybe?? well that’s up to you ;)

overall, i really hope that you take this as a compliment im so sorry if i misled or something but i am really said this as a compliment. because, i had this one assessment and i really tried hard to write something that out of my comfort zone. i was trying to write something like this for my assessment but my prof said that i don’t quiet reach there yet- thus i just opted to write something small and sad and not quiet like this, a bit shame on me but still got an A so yeah- ㅋㅋ

thereby, i really speak highly of you writing cmar. because it’s really fun reading it !! btw thanks for the update on new chapter <3

take care and stay healthy ❤️

asdfghjkl thank you for using your pursuit for literature and looking at my work through an analytical standpoint lmao. it's honestly so great to hear insight from the perspective of a reader. one thing i'd definitely like to note on is your point on the antagonists. i completely understand with just skipping over a few things when it comes to them, which is honestly fine lmao, i tend to do that when i'm ready other stuff as well. i'm not sure how i can write it in a way where you wouldn't feel like skipping through some stuff to be honest. y/n's traumas are highlighted through these antagonists and i guess when it comes to cmar, it just isn't your typical romantic fanfiction stuff. whereas many fics focuses on their y/n and the character they're writing the fanfic based on, or they just mainly focus on the boys in general, cmar's focus is on y/n and her trauma.

i guess you can say in a way, it's less fanfiction and more story-like, since there are insights into these antagonists, as well as y/n and her people, her reapers, instead of the main focus being on mending the relationship between y/n and the boys.

i do see that i definitely should incorporate more moments with the boys. next chapter focuses on one of the guys so you'll get that there.

all in all, i enjoy writing cmar so much, as difficult as it is, and having this part of the work (your analysis) is really nice and refreshing, so thank you for that 💛

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here friend and AO3 may be back up but that doesn't mean I'm done bitching. On my mind is Buck, and specifically has Buck had a arc/storyline that was actuallt complete since S3?? Like we got Abby leaving, Buck dealing with it and Maddie returning in S2, and his recovery/lawsuit arc in S3 with final closure in the whole Abby thing in the finale. But what has happened since then?? Sure we learned about his shitty parents at the start but thst didn't really get a resolution, just some

some vague promises about therapy and then nothing (compare to Eddie's parents where we got that convo with his Dad in S5 and see them in a better place in S6). Then there's the whole sort of dating thing which leads to his relationship with the reporter and continues to drag through S5 and just kind of ends because it has to, not because of any personal development. I guess we can throw the conflict with Chim in S5 which *checks notes* we never see resolved on screen and the cheating business which *checks notes* was never really addressed and mostly cut from 5b since it was so deservedly hated. And now we have S6 and the sperm donor nonsense which, as discussed, has no satisfying ending in sight (someone tell KR that learning a lesson for the 45th time Isn't growth, applying a lesson is). So has Buck has anything completed for 2.5 seasons?? As badly told as it was for parts, even Madney had a conclusion to their conflict. Why is this hard?

Hello friend! I was hoping to get to this yesterday but I wasn’t at home and ended up being out until late. But I am HERE for this salt and had a little chuckle reading this when it came in because you’re SO RIGHT! Season 3 kinda closed things out for Buck and he’s just been spinning his wheels ever since, especially because completely aside from his own stuff, he’s not allowed to be as involved in other character’s storylines either. Someone mentioned awhile ago (probably @outrunningthedark, hey *waves*) that because Buck is the only one without a family of his own outside of Maddie (which JLH seems to be on limited filming duty and that time is being used (ish) for Buckley-Han family stuff), all his “personal” stories are ending up being with random and mostly unimportant side characters. We know (and love) the main, immediate  Grant, Wilson, and Diaz families and as recurring characters, it’s exciting when we get to see them! Maddie’s storyline with Doug heavily involved both Chim and Buck, and everything since has been mostly about her and Chim and every once in awhile we get a little bit of the Lee family. Buck’s season 1 storyline was tied with Abby so that made sense and season 2 was tied in with Maddie and Eddie’s, and season 3 gave us a lot of Buck/Bobby stuff on top of his time being mostly wrapped up in the Diaz family, and then closing out with Abby. 

I would say that Buck Begins wasn’t so much the start of a new arc as it was informing everything that came before as the audience and Buck reconcile everything we knew before against this new information together. Which was great! But then it didn’t go anywhere. Buck starts the season with talking about how he hides his true feelings from others and doesn’t want to do that anymore and then proceeds to spend the next every episode after that still hiding his feelings from others, only now the audience is included in that. Since the show decided our characters almost never need to have deep and important conversations with each other, we have had basically zero insight into what Buck is *actually* feeling and thinking most of the time. And when he does talk with others it sometimes feels so incongruous with what we know about Buck that we’re left wondering if those conversations are truly what he’s feeling or if he’s masking. Or if it’s yet another instance of KR not understanding the character and writing shit just to write shit. *side eyes every interaction with or about tay kay and L*

“Then there's the whole sort of dating thing which leads to his relationship with the reporter and continues to drag through S5 and just kind of ends because it has to, not because of any personal development.” Catch me getting irritated all over again that we suffered for SO LONG through that whole tay kay mess, and Buck looking miserable and the cast specifically saying that it was on purpose that we were seeing his face looking Like That, only for it to amount to nothing in the end but tay kay being the same awful person she has always been but the show tried to pretend for a hot minute that she wasn’t so KR could wedge her into everything, and Buck being miserable and only stepping away when someone else he loved got hurt, again, by her actions. We didn’t get to see ANYONE in the firefam talk to him about how unhappy he was with her (but thank goodness we had time to lecture him on how he sucks at being a bf at Christmastime instead of anyone saying “dude, are you okay? this all sounds like red flags.” 🙄🙄🙄) or her Buck get to tell her or anyone else that he was unhappy and wasn’t getting the support he needed from the relationship. Which is entirely possible to do without outright calling her a bitch (which actually Eddie and Bobby both deserved to do, though Athena would say it for Bobby because he wouldn’t do it himself, and honestly Chim (and Maddie) and Hen too after the Jonah thing), because we saw it happen with the Eddie/Ana breakup! Eddie got to tell Buck that he was unhappy but didn’t know how to get out, and then he was allowed to go home and make the choice that he was not happy and it wasn’t fair to either of them for him to keep acting like he was. It didn’t outright villainize Ana (though again, tay kay deserved to be villainized at least a little because she was awful and also far more interesting as an awful person the firefam banded together to hate), but the show was just as clear in SHOWING us that no matter what Eddie said at any point in time, she wasn’t good for him OR Chris or what either of them needed. We SAW the same for BT on multiple counts, even when she was “trying” it wasn’t anything that was actually helpful for Buck which she would know if she knew even the slightest thing about him, and even HEARD it in how Buck (bless Oliver) never said “I love you/her” without looking like he smelled something awful and having to stop partway through before forcing the words out. But when it came down to it, we got an amicable breakup after Chim and Hen nearly died, Buck faced an inquiry at work, and the investigation and department were likely deeply compromised because of her lack of ethics. 

A Buck/Maddie/Chim conflict arc could have been REALLY good specifically because we KNOW they all love each other, and more than that, they all UNDERSTAND why the others took the actions they did. But it doesn’t mean those actions didn’t hurt! And we got resolution (ish) for Maddie and Chim during Boston (which just kinda got tossed out the next ep with them breaking up and getting back together off screen with very little discussion between them directly or between them and any other characters), and Buck and Maddie did have a good conversation when she got back. But. I haaaaaate that we got nothing about Buck and Chim not really being okay, but making sure they didn’t drag Maddie into it and trying to not let it affect work, but everyone can kinda tell. We could have had some good Buck/Bobby and Chim/Bobby content out of that, and an on-screen resolution of them talking to each other finally and getting back to being brothers who tease each other out of love. Or that after the initial “thank god you’re safe and home and I missed you” wore off, we didn’t get Buck and Maddie talking to others about the little strain still there and how to deal with it because Buck DOES understand and he LOVES his sister but she still left, and his relationship with Chim was fractured when they were both just blindly groping trying to help in the best ways they knew how and not being able to. He missed out on as much time watching Jee grow as Maddie did, and UNDERSTANDING, and knowing it’s not personal or anything to do with you doesn’t make it not hurt. Especially for someone like Buck who feels so deeply and was/is constantly punished for having emotions by people like his parents and his gf so he tries SO HARD to not tell anyone when he’s hurting because he doesn’t think he deserves to, and god forbid someone think he’s making something about himself. Like, this could have been some good drama because like the lawsuit, no one is the villain, no one is fully in the right or fully in the wrong, and no one is to blame it’s just a shitty situation that wasn’t handled perfectly by anyone because they’re all just human and make mistakes. Add Eddie having a breakdown in the background of all of this that Buck feels coming but isn’t prepared for because he’s trying to handle everything and manage his gf, and of COURSE Eddie would talk to him, wouldn’t he? Only to get slapped with Eddie quitting and then Maddie and Chim coming back, and everything at work being out of sync like....the POTENTIAL for a firefam focused season that was deliciously dramatic while being grounded and real and emotionally cathartic was RIGHT THERE and I can’t believe the show was like, “instead of dealing with all this stuff we ourselves put in motion, how about we focus on some random side characters, tell you in interviews that stuff got resolved because I don’t want to think about it anymore, and sprinkle in an OC and some cheating while sidelining the characters this show is supposed to be about and that we keep promoting in the synopsis to trick people into watching but it’s only going to be 2 minutes crammed into the end of an episode because I’d rather spend 10 minutes showing you the set up for an emergency”. ANYWAY.

“someone tell KR that learning a lesson for the 45th time Isn't growth, applying a lesson is” 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 He’s been going in circles since s4 started but he’s not GETTING anywhere, even when he actually gets to talk to someone about something, it either never gets mentioned again after the episode (the couch stuff with Eddie/Bobby, the happiness talk with Hen), or like the talk with Hen about being a donor, it happens and then gets treated as a joke and he doesn’t think about a single thing she said until, apparently, if the interviews still ring true and they don’t go a different direction (please GOD go a different direction and wrap this TF up!), it’s too late and there is already a baby he helped make on the way. I’m actually not going to talk about that arc because this is already so long, and also I can’t think too hard about it without being filled with incandescent fury. NGL I laughed at the Instagram post about Buck needing to not be in danger, and all the comments about how it’s actually better for the plot when he is, and how the show needs new writers so he can have good scenes again. Fingers crossed after all the criticism across the board OG received (not about arcs like s5 which can be brushed off as fans just being difficult or not liking an arc but it’s over now so why change anything/blamed on fandom for being hateful because they hate women (🙄🙄🙄), but “boring” isn’t something this show shouldn’t ever be and THAT might draw some attention), Timmy can find it in his schedule to let LS’s co-showrunner do their job for a minute and check in on his OG show. Knowing that Brad is back even though he’s never done a mid-season premier episode (and the flack the show got for not having him do the s6 opening and how awful and boring it was) does give me a little sliver of hope but we’ll see.

Thanks for giving me some delicious salt to work with, I was clearly able to make a whole meal out of it! Next week gives us LS though so hopefully we’ll have some fun to talk about soon! Cheers friend and I hope you enjoy the winding rabbit trail of a salt mine I made here. 🤣