#written down just in case

[jamiesfootball]

Jamie hadn't set out to make a habit out of bringing Mr. Higgins tea. It just sort of happened on accident, on account of him needing a place to hide.

The episodes started when he'd been sent back to Manchester. Moments where his brain fuzzed out and his lungs felt like they were on fire and it felt like if someone bossed him around one more time, he'd scratch his eyes out and scream.

They hadn't been as bad when he was hiding on the island, and coming back to Richmond he'd thought he'd be free of them entirely. Wasn't any way for his dad to come crawling though his phone, was there? Except then the team hated him, and nothing Jamie tried to do to fix it seemed to work. Even Ted was being all weird. He'd yelled at them at practice — not just at Jamie, but at all of them, even Obisanya — and then, well.

Maybe Jamie was finally broken, but he couldn't handle it as well as he'd used to. After years of expertise, only a few weeks away and he was already as out of shape at being yelled at as he was at running around the pitch.

So the first time he'd stumbled in on Mr. Higgins in his little office-closet, he hadn't meant to startle the old man into spilling his tea everywhere, but startle him he had. And since Jamie was being accountable now, he'd popped off without being told and he'd gotten Mr. Higgins a fresh new cuppa from the canteen.

Mr. Higgins had thanked him something nice, looking pleased as punch over the cheap to-go cup. Jamie had thought that Directors of Football Operations got paid more than that, but what did he know? Mr. Higgins was nice about it, much nicer than a simple cup of tea deserved. He smiled the kind of smile that nice grandads probably taught each other over games of croquet, and he asked Jamie how he was settling in now that he was home. Dead nice of him to ask, even if Jamie had to lie to his face 'cause it was a fucking joke.

It wasn't until they were deep into chit-chat that Jamie realized he'd missed chit-chat. He didn't get a lot of talking these days; it was good to know he wasn't out of practice.

It took him even longer to realize that the original reason he'd stormed in -- the seizing, clawing his eyes out, throat squeezing dread -- hadn't made a peep since Mr. Higgins warmly asked him to have a seat (on a bucket).

Jamie did not sit on the bucket, but he did lean against the door making question-appropriate noises while Mr. Higgins pondered whether he should eat the lunch his wife packed him or if he should be a bit naughty and secretly order a scone when Ms. Welton sent him out to grab her lunch.

A bit naughty, that was always Jamie's vote.

Mr. Higgins smiled the nice-grandad smile and said he'd feed the sandwich to the ducks then. He even pulled out his phone to show Jamie pictures of the little waterfowls, their legs churning up a storm under the surface. It seemed like too many ducks for one lake, let alone one sandwich, but he guessed that was just one more way the world was unfair to everyone, even poor little ducks trying to scrape buy.

Richmond wasn't home anymore than Man City could ever be again, but now whenever the siren-wailing panic took over he had a backup plan. Jamie popped over to the canteen, grabbed Mr. Higgins a cuppa, and let the old man's chatter sooth the knot in his chest.

[xxplastic-cubexx]

cant stop thinkin bout charles and erik readin together on the couch but instead of reading with him charles is listening to eriks thoughts while he reads. Live mind commentary ……..

[oh-no-its-bird]

On top of everything else that's happened in the last month or so

(girlfriend breaking up with me / me running off in the night w the friend I was supposed to be maid of honor with bc her (now ex) fiance came home drunk and scared us, while ofc we also both were in swimsuits and had like NO money or even shoes due to incredibly poor timing / Getting stuck in Dallas for TWO MONTHS longer than I meant to be due to bullshit work transfer systems (and admitedly my own inability to remember that deadlines exist) / that same friend going BACK to her shit boyfriend alone to a city 4 hours away from anyone she may call for help if things go wrong / me now no longer having a place in dallas to stay for these next 2 months bc I was SUPPOSED to stay with that friend but her bastard boyfriend doesn't want me in his house anymore bc he knows I'd tell his girlfriend to dump his ass)

I have now lost my fucking house keys.

Anyways I may or may not be way less active for a bit so this is the formal apology and explanation for that. Sorry guys, we are NOT going back to ur normally scheduled rapid fire ninja content as promised for like. A minute. Possibly. We'll see. Sometimes my own motivation wave surprises me.

Tbh it's my own fault for daring to become a fanfic author tbh. Should have known the "sorry I didn't update, my house burned down teehee <3" curse would come for my ass

[essektheylyss]

Does no one else find it odd that magic that had been inhibited by the Malleus Key keeps being slowly and quietly returned with seemingly no changes to the key itself? Is the Solstice still stuck or is it simply progressing very slowly? Is anyone working on this in Exandria? Can we get some answers about this?

[pandoratheprocrasticreator]

hey in DRDT if eden does end up being the mastermind like some theories say i can see her having actually killed arei for whatever reason and pulling a tsumugi shirogane and framing ace for it. like ace sees ppl will vote him guilty anyway so he pretends to have done the murder to get everyone killed out of spite. but then monotv says everyone voted right and he is the killer and he's wrongfully executed. then the others discover that in chapter 6 when they pin it on eden or whatever.

it would play into teruko's decision to trust eden. since teruko didn't pursue eden when she was suspicious, she would have let the real killer and mastermind get away and it would play into the theme of ppl betraying teruko, if that's what the dev is going for.

more interestingly for me rn though, it would play into ace's persecution complex he has this chapter. like imagine everyone ganging up on you and deciding you're the killer, so you lie that you are, expecting to get them killed. and then you're told that, nope, monotv has arbitrarily decided that you ARE the killer when you're clearly not. and everyone else survives but you and ONLY you are executed. for something you didn't even do. that's just confirms to ace that everyone, including the ppl who run the killing game, hates him, specifically.

[fromtheseventhhell]

The way fandom keeps flip-flopping between Arya's age is so weird. One minute she's too old to experience trauma, the next minute she's too young for crushes and romance. Like jeez fandom, make up your own damn mind.

I've been saying that a lot of people don't consider Arya an actual character, and the inconsistent takes about her are one of the best examples. People just want her to exist as a prop to support their fanon so they don't bother doing any analysis (a lot of them don't even bother reading her chapters). They'll just say whatever depending on the conversation. They hate empathizing with her, so they adultify her; They hate the idea of her having a romance, so they infantilize her. No consistency or logic...just vibes and the desire to reduce her character. It's like them claiming she has masculine privilege but then insisting she has to leave Westeros to be "free" since she's non-conforming. Or that she's a feral wild child who can't control herself while also claiming she's a cold-hearted, calculating assassin.

They're so obsessive about it too. They can't just dislike her character and not talk about her, they need to erase basically everything about her story. It really boils down to them liking her story elements but not being able to project onto her, so they steal her traits for their fanon!fave. It's wild we have to see their nonsense takes because they can only "enjoy" the story after they've rewritten it. At this point it won't even stop if we get TWOW; I can already foresee the "George stole [x]'s story to give to Arya because he hates feminine women" takes lol

[veryunwellindividual]

i am… a neglectful mother

[mechahero]

//I think I might do a bit of retconning in regards to the kind of phone Lambda has. He would not have a touchscreen phone at all. It really would not be able to pick up on his touch and he would scratch the fuck out of the screen with his claws.

I'm giving that guy a flip phone now. He's decorating that thing with stickers and stick on gems. It's got You.tu.be on it.

[robotsafari]

hey i finally redesigned my redesign like i said i would and then promptly forgot for an excruciatingly long amount of time. Anyway, this thing ^_^ (i still can never get the anatomy right)

(the bigger collar was inspired by @dreamsy990’s rendition of my redesign. which is still the coolest thing ever btw AAUUGHH THANK YOU SO MUCHH !!!)

[mrgaretcarter]

not sure i can successfully articulate this but when someone comes out of watching a show or movie saying, sort of awed, that its refreshing to see such well written female characters i get the impression that they were startled to care about women sifdghdklfsjgvkj

[amtrak12]

Niles 'conditioned to believe his pleasure ranks last if at all' vs Daphne 'loves touching and being an active participant and seeing her partner enjoying themselves' -- Fight.

[silusvesuius]

unleashing the same hellscape i did on my notes app here it's my nelvas thinking dump i wrote just for fun and to keep track of what i view them as up 2 this point. Might change my mind on it later on it has a lot of things written in brackets for no reason . it's like ~2500 words long which isn't much but i think i said everything i've had in my mind for now read it for fun if you like to have fun leik me :) And talvas :) And nelothxP

retyping what i said in the tags of those last text posts and rearranging those thoughts a bit: in my train of thought that's been going steady since early 2024 i'm almost certain that neloth might see talvas as the epitome of being morally Clean (before that changes because of neloth's influence over him) and generally pure as a person. pure not used in the Pervert way; neloth is just a veeery big fan of talvas having absolutely no backbone and being very docile when it comes to him. which is r expected traits 4 someone if they find themselves under neloth's thumb as an apprentice, but it being written that he isn't at all catty and defiant to his face is cute. all talvas manages to do is shit talk neloth to others and pray neloth doesn't find out he meant the things he said but also can’t help feeling bad about it, even though neloth doesn't and wouldn't care, if he found out. neloth is happy with being an obnoxious & disgusting person. truly.. him growing obsessed with talvas' docile and innocent nature doesn't necessarily have to add up to him wanting to Taint or Ruin him (and if it happens ((it does)) it's not done on purpose, neloth can't hold that much control and power of his actions in that specific department). he encounters difficulties when he realizes he actually wants that Elven Twink.. it's too far gone to fix anything after he's tampered with talvas' patience and stability, and even then he can't be honest with talvas about anything, because he still wants to hold a great deal of power over him (neloth essentials for survival).

Might be the type to just want talvas to magically(haha) think it's okay that his wizard master desires him and expect that energy right back without talvas actually acknowledging it because it'd make neloth feel insanely cringy and embarrassed.. humiliated.. EVEN. but that's just in a deep deep dark corner of his mind, he isn't stupid. when trying to gain 'access' to his apprentice ("*His* apprentice" is also kinda funny way of viewing his mind too. just cause talvas is working as an apprentice under him neloth probably already feels a concerning sense of ownership over him that makes him feel very good) he can't even make the signs of interest be apparent to talvas because he's insanely inept at being Soft and honest for obvious reasons. he can tell what possibly could make talvas warm up to him even after he treats him like shit for eons but there's no way he's bringing himself to do it (change is embarrassing, especially in their formal dynamic, and especially at his age). so it's a half-assed attempt (actually he's trying his hardest🙄) to try and make talvas be (at least) less afraid of him. not that talvas has any other place that we know of that he "Belongs" to, he just sticks with neloth regardless of anything. neloth watching him as he sleeps ensues . Guys what do i do to make my apprentice let me hit because all of the eye contact i do with him while gripping his arm or petting his knee isn't helping. 

if we were to go back to how that spark is ignited in neloth swamp of a heart, brain… idk, it has to be when he realizes talvas' capability of forgiveness and 'Sucking it up' instead of lashing out at neloth after .. anything, but perhaps physical abuse in particular. neloth a 100% has absolutely no problem putting his hands on anyone, especially someone he sees so often, such as talvas. not that talvas really annoys him (his clear and voiced obedience pleases neloth as anyone can tell), but he just doesn't see it as too much of a big deal. the physical mistreatment that happens once in a blue moon isn't intense enough to scare off talvas for sure anyways. neloth is a bitch so all he can so is smack him at the back of the head (talvas finds it very normal) and slap him if he's feeling festive (something talvas finds kinda extreme but not that it happens often. he sometimes feels like he deserves it, or that neloth is warranted to do as he pleases. he tosses around it being justified or pitying himself, though). May be possible that neloth would realize he Like Likes talvas once he slaps him, mayhaps, for the first time, but talvas' immediate reaction to being treated like that is just sadness mixed with feeling shame for tearing up/crying in front of someone he respects *bishoujo sparkles sfx*. talvas is a delicate soul so he can't hold warranted emotions like that for long, and even tho it's expected of him to be making eye contact w/ neloth in a setting like that, he wouldn't be able 2 bring himself to do it because looking at neloth would make him wanna burst out in tears like a weeeee baby. Booo hooo.. talvas is the 19th century (4th era) damsel that runs out of the ball in tears after no young cavalier invited her to dance. watch this bleed into the most awkward and silent week of neloth's entire life because talvas doesn't even really feel like speaking to him or looking at him, but neloth doesn't wanna brute force the usual respectful etiquette out of him cus he thinks that's just gonna make talvas hurl himself down on some rough rocks at the seashore. Good thing talvas is very spineless and forgiving (especially in relation to neloth… i mean.. who r YOU to not forgive him) so that might just last a day or two. the hurt always stays tho. neloth this is why talvas doesn't wanna smash you.. you might've made some conclusions about what elven twink you like but talvas is just even more scared of you now. was your Pervert awakening worth it. and even if we do backflips and jump thru the point where everything is too far gone for either of them to go back, dude is still too afraid to make out with his apprentice. Deserve. but why though because talvas wouldn't refuse. for what reason? we may never know

^^^ this makes me feel like i love seeing characters i reaaaalllly love (elenwen and talvas in this case) as enigmas in situations where they're confronted with something so ""Intimate"". elenwen's stance on this is final tho cause she's a grown ass woman and there's no way you could reshape her brain. ulfric left her mind plane in SHAMBLES. talvas has more right (in the literal sense) to be erratic or inconsistent with his actions. maybe he likes to be desired. Also i strongly believe that talvas has probably never been in love (for any reason rly but it's mostly him not having actual time for it + not seeing it as something that is important to him at that point in his life)… i want neloth to be his first experience with Love so that it ruin his view on it forever. can't get myself to say he'd be in love with neloth at any point though. From his standpoint it really should feel empowering and 'nice' that neloth wants him in many ways (ew).. cause that's a man with status.. power.. ability to do anything rly . talvas is in no condition to be playing mind games with him or anything tho so don't get that idea. he's not strong enough of a person to be Tricking anyone or to be Playing with anyone's feelings. neloth would be immune to that, too. neloth can just kinda tell talvas is too good and … UNTAINTED. talvas wants to see the best in everyone. too bad he genuinely detests you, neloth.. so: he doesn't actually love neloth but wouldn't be happy to see his tombstone either. SO (PART TWO): if you time it right he wouldn't be against getting Freakkkkyyyy with you okay?but no promises

even if @ some point talvas develops indistinct feelings towards neloth cause of neloth's own incessant weird-mild advances it wouldn't have to mean he just likes old men permanently now. actually it kinda does. i can sorta feel it rearranging his braincells and making him unable to normally interact with people in his age range. he probably already had a hard time talking to others in hopes of developing a friendship just cause he's timid but after neloth's nonstop abuse and Accidental romance mind games he morphs into a whole new type of guy. it's hard to notice at first but he'd probably just start to leech off of neloth's prissy and unbearable personality in a natural course of things + neloth is the only person he sees and talks to on the regular pretty much. < this can just be reworded as just the cycle of abuse and whatnot. if he notices an opening in the abilities and Smarts of another person, especially someone his age/younger, he will automatically see them as umm…stupid. and also insult your abilities to your face if he snaps. he strikes me as the type to be afraid to say what he really thinks (another consequence of being glued to neloth all the time when all talvas does is act like he totally respects anything he says) and gets scared if anything slips out his mouth but is proud in letting the "Truth" be known because he already figured out you're a lesser being than him. he's just cloning neloth's verbal abuse braincells though he would never put his hands on someone. his desire to be mean and see himself as superior stems from neloth always disparaging him obviously.. talvas 4 that reason is very self conscious of his abilities and doesn't rly think he's all that useful or talented. his self doubt then would play into how he doesn't know when to believe what others are saying to and about him.. i wanna imagine that talvas is very oblivious to neloth's weirdo status just cause he partly doesn't even want that thought to cross his mind. i bet everyone but him sees it and finds it gross😕 but nobody in the vicinity is strong enough to tell neloth that he should be ashamed LMFAO. if you would try and even hint to talvas that it's happening he'd never take you seriously and just get mad. he's protective of neloth's image more than neloth himself is; not that people knowing neloth has abnormal sodomistic inclinations toward his apprentice would make his public image worse than it already is (everyone already thinks he's weird so it's not shocking at all) but talvas still wouldn't wanna hear it cause he thinks it's just false. maybe he's just ashamed that he's being brought into the whole thing. also because he doesn't wanna face the reality EJI23JRIO32KJ Well talvas when neloth makes an actual move on you don't say that we didn't warn you.. we're all waiting till neloth's status as an obvious apprentice-pervert becomes obvious to you

even if he's willingly ignorant of the fact he still thinks of the 'accusations' a lot when he feels like it. and unknowingly begins feeling even more uncomfortable in neloth's presence. heart starts beating faster and everything. neloth could come up to him meters away and talvas would still cover his mouth in realization and be like "i knew it… the DB told me but i didn't wanna believe it …..😦 so you really do like young men … and you're in love with me ..😨" *Neloth wakes up from this fever dream drenched in sweat* < neloth doesn't want (obvi) talvas to react that way at any point because he himself would just get scared so they'd just be staring at each other wide eyed. but talvas jumping into his advances isn't what he wants either (that'll also scare him). neloth is still relying on talvas' politeness to let him do as he pleases. but it is impossible for talvas to let it slide without questioning anything regardless so🤷‍♀️ take your few Ls and move on. neloth just wants talvas to sit on his lap. wants to spoonfeed him soup. he's so romantic. he also wants to(sniper on rooftop blows my head to bits). neloth is actually a pretty touchy feely person when he's feeling Frisky (=deranged about talvas). I'm certain his favorite part of talvas' body is his legs. talvas has beautiful young man skipping leg day legs. so nothing special at all but neloth wants to touch them lol.. let your master wizard squeeze your calves and he might just be occupied enough like a kid playing with a fidget toy to not abuse you verbally for 3 seconds. as i said befoar neloth is unpleasant with his touch because he doesn't know how to be soft + doesn't even want it to necessarily feel very 'rewarding' as to not pamper talvas. petting talvas kinda turns into a nervous habit for himself and an instrument of some sort of Reassurance 4 talvas when he wants him to know he’s not mad, for example. non-vebal confirmation. talvas still finds it weird but thinks it’s a charm point too. neloth wouldn't even be against touching him familiarly in front of others but only in a "older male figure" ways ex. touching his knee or putting his hand at the back of his neck (talvas sees it as some sort of disciplinary tactic though). physical touch that matches neloth's age and is enough for it to be seen as not necessarily romantic / overtly weird. 

there'ssssss no saving talvas after such a powerful person gets his hands on him. any will to leave would leave HIM either out of fear or out of attachment and neloth wouldn't just let him go (Alive at least) since he knows the things he knows. if talvas were to escape i'm a Truther of him not feeling in place and wanting to go back cause it's the stability that he's used to. but tbh if he encounters neloth on accident anywhere he's gonna start running. I was drinking tea while writing this and started choking on it i just nearly died writing this are youhappy. anyways, nelvas is a never-ending abusive relationship that doesn’t even have High highs, all it has is low lows. neloth always mistreats talvas for any reason but is never genuinely kind from the heart or out of remorse. .. hmm……yeah. I forgot to type this back out from my posts tags > talvas might just start viewing neloth as fuck crazy and demented after he Finally notices at least one molecular sign of gay attention from him . like ‘Oh wow Master Neloth obviously doesn’t get any female attention or anything cus he’s a sick fuck why does he have to search for it from me Can varona take the hit for me 🥺 *sees her dead body being dragged by the DB* hmm i guess not well i’ll figure something out i guess’ (he doesn’t) also the dialogue talvas has with varona after he steals neloth’s book trying to conjure some bs up will always be so cute to me he’s so defensive and afraid of neloth finding out. Him trying to decipher neloth’s handwriting is cute TOO ik their 19th century love letters to each other would go crazy and make sense to anyone but each other but i’m not gonna talk about 19th century girl talvas x neloth rn it’s too much . what ever. i think i’m done thank you i should just go back to drawing them as grecian pottery red figures or smthj Fun stats for you 4 getting to the end: times the word ‘abuse’ is used: 6

[telesodalite]

Thinking about KrokFire...

Thinking about them sparring in the cargohold, because it's a long trip, and cabin fever is setting in, and Misfire is gonna pop a gasket if he doesn't do something about it soon, since flying in open space gets real boring real fast, and it's making everyone a little nervous, but Krok has time to kill, and maybe, quietly, he's also two steps away from doing something stupid just to feel alive again after cruising around pointlessly, mindlessly, endlessly, for so so long... (It's barely been a month)

And sure, Misfire is a terrible sparring partner. He has no technique, no concept of proper balance, or an inkling of how to use the weight of his own frame. He rushes headfirst like he's more bull than fighter jet, he talks too much, he spits, he bites, and he can't stand losing. But, in a roundabout way, it almost makes him the perfect partner in Krok's eyes.

Crankcase won't spar, "can't" he claims flatly, gesturing at the gaping hole in his helm, but Krok can respect his want for distance. That occasional flash of fear and frozen unease in Crankcase's visor in close combat doesn't go over his head. He knows that look. He gets it. He won't push.

Fulcrum... well, a streetlight might be a tougher fight, or at least it would stay up longer and complain less. So much for a once respectable officer of the empire. What was Deathsaurus' command thinking promoting anyone without any actual combat training? It would almost be pathetic if Fulcrum didn't find a way to put the vitriol of thrown fists into his words instead. Now there was some swears Krok hadn't heard in a couple millennia, it would be inspiring if it wasn't his own spark Fulcrum had been damning to the pits and back through a bloody nose.

Spinister? Now Spinister was a good fighter, a better fighter, Krok wasn't so prideful to deny that truth. He'd tasted the dust of the cargohold floor enough to know it was a definitive fact. But Spinister held back, he was careful, he matched Krok's pace, his movements, he held himself defensively, any attack was quick, simple, and merely restraining. It was less a fight, and more a waiting game until Krok finally gave up, and that... well, that did sting a bit.

But Misfire? Misfire was a different beast all together. Sure Krok could dance circles around the flier all day, but it wasn't totally effortless work, he had to stay sharp, Misfire was so predictably unpredictable, he kept him thinking, moving, on his toes, and maybe it felt good to sidestep another stupid headfirst charge, easily grabbing and swinging Misfire around by his arm, so unbalanced all Krok had to do was let him go, and the weight of his own frame would send him careening into the crates stacked around them.

Most days, Misfire would give up by then, pull himself off the pile of overturned cargo with no small amount of burning shame and frustration, as he avoided Krok's optics and stormed off into the bowels of the ship before Krok could say something to ease the sting of losing again and again. Misfire didn't want his apologies though, and even as a pang of guilt ate at him over it, Krok knew he'd be back eventually.

But today, too pent-up and bored to quit now, Misfire pushed himself back onto his feet and charged back in again, and again, and again.

And Krok moved with him again, and again, and again. It was almost repetitive, but lively enough that he could feel the energon pumping through his head, a thrumming beat in his audials that reminds him of deafening battlefields and roaring stadiums, and oh, he'd missed this feeling, the adrenaline, the movement, more so than he thought he did.

Maybe it's the overconfidence that gets him then, or the memories pulling him out of the present, but Misfire's fist suddenly comes slamming down into his mask, and for a moment everything becomes a blur, until he finds himself on the floor, clutching at the shattered metal falling from his face in disbelief.

Faintly he can feel the twinge of broken mesh, of pain pinching dully across scarred flickering sensors, and maybe it's the adrenaline that pulls a suprised and breathy laugh out of him as he stares down at the pieces in his hand.

Maybe it's also the disbelief, the sudden shock at being struck hard enough to break his mask, by Misfire of all mechs. Or maybe he's cracked his helm, finally snapping something important deep in his processor, some vital function that kept him sane all these years.

Either way, an old familiar buzz of heady energy fills his chest, loosening his joints and straightening his struts as he stands back up, brushing off the broken remains of his mask as he stares back at Misfire, barefaced and bleeding and amused as the flier's optics go bright and wide.

And all Misfire can do for a moment is stand there, wide-eyed and breathless, his own adrenaline filled frame and hammering processor still trying to make sense of the broken plating of his knuckles and the energon trickling down Krok's scarred lips.

But connections are made, and it's a panicked realization at first, a cold dread, a 'ohhhhh fuck oh primus I fucked up I'm dead I'm so fucking dead-!' sort of feeling, as Krok's marred face breaks into an energon stained grin. But then there's another feeling, growing somewhere underneath the panic, a sudden curl of heat in his chest, a flush of pride, conviction, a sort of frenzied joy at the sight of broken mesh and fresh energon, and another rush of hot anticipation as Krok began to move again, circling, waiting, an unspoken question in the air as he rolls his shoulders back and flexes his hands.

And Misfire answers eagerly, suprising himself almost as he charges foward again, wanting more of that feeling, wanting to win again.

It's not really sparring past this point, and somewhere in the back of their minds they both know that. Every strike, every kick, every punch, it's all thoughtless instinct, each clash of plating, and bite of denta, and scrape of fingertips, is part of a mad dash for victory in the gladiator pit of scrap and debris they've built around themselves.

Of course, it can't last forever. They're no real gladiators, no phase-sixers, no primes, and movements get sluggish, vents rattle and wheeze as coolant pumps reach their limits, and building condensation slides powerless punches right off of scuffed metal and mesh.

Even like this though, worn out and bleeding from more scrapes than he had half a mind to count, Krok is still better, and Misfire is still predictable, and it's no great feat to sweep his legs out from beneath him, landing him flat on the floor, wings spread out and chestplate heaving.

Overworked joints sharply protest as he goes to pin the flier down bodily, and finally Krok faces the fact he has to consider how to end this, so he might let his own beaten frame finally still for a moment to breathe.

But as Krok catches one flailing arm in his grip, scoffing at the desperation, still goading Misfire on even as he tries to end this, a hand stubbornly catches his throat, but stops before it can truly squeeze.

And once more they're not really moving, just staring, watching, but it's less wired and tense now, rather, its shaky, a little unfocused, as exhaustion filters out in heaving puffs of hot air between their frames.

Someone's plating is rattling, Krok isn't sure if it's his own or Misfire's, but the cost of adrenaline is painfully noticeable now. His grip loosens on Misfire's arms, and the idea of total victory is less sweet as his cables begin to ache throughout his inner-framework.

But Misfire's hand slides up to catch his jaw before he can lean back and relent to a truce, and he's pulling him closer, and Krok starts to push him off, call it quits before either of them breaks something past repair, but a flash of energon on Misfire lips catches his eye, and that hadn't been there a moment ago?

Before he can even begin to ask what that was supposed to mean, Misfire is pulling him down again, angling his helm upwards to feverishly meet his lips half-way.

Although the mesh of Misfire's face was throughly bruised and scuffed, Krok had frustratingly failed to return the favor of a busted lip. So, it had to be his own, smeared across Misfire's face at some point in the scuffle, it shouldn't have been interesting in the slightest, but Krok's processor was hazy, slow, and his optics trailed Misfire's glossa as he licked his lips and made an odd curious sound.

And maybe it was a stupid move to make so impulsively, one he'd regret making probably, but still too caught up in the waning heated high of the fight, Misfire figured he could worry about losing such a hard-earned battle later. Right now, this seemed far better than actually winning, and the taste of Krok's energon felt like a victory and reward nonetheless.

Bracing himself as Misfire wriggled his other hand free to splay out over his thigh, holding him desperately against his frame as he tried pulling him even closer, Krok considered the heat dispersion warnings flickering distractingly in his peripheral, and the very noticeable strain on his back and legs, even his arms.

It's not a great position to be in right now, after all they've done already. He'll regret it, he knows he will, his body will make sure of it, if Spinister doesn't first.

But then Misfire's glossa is sliding against the jagged edges of his teeth, and he's making hoarse little pathetic noises into Krok's mouth that stoke some sort of ego at having the flier so desperate beneath him, and Misfire's hands are warm and heavy over aching plating and seams, and really, on second thought, after weeks of boredom, why the hell not?

They've got nowhere to be.

[benrey-did-nothing-wrong]

The Frenrey Fic List

Half-Life VR but Dr. Freeman is Not Self-Aware

Status: Updated every Saturday (Western Hemisphere)

Rating: M (gore, sexual innuendo)

Length: Novel-sized

Genre: Slow burn romantic comedy with an intrigue plot, Sci-Fi concepts included, Domestic Fluff, Roommates, Speculative biology, Quantum Mechanics being misrepresented

Summary: Gordon Freeman is suffering from Morphine withdrawal, and his strife is compounded by the presence of his arch-nemesis, Benrey. But this new domestic life that G-Man has plopped him into with Benrey feels off, somehow. Together, along with their friends in the Science Team (and Forzen I guess), they unravel the mystery of what Mr. Coolatta's playing at. All the while, Gordon and Benrey learn to live with each other in such close proximity.

Brokeback Mesa

Status: Updated Tuesdays (Western Hemisphere)

Rating: M (gore, sexual innuendo)

Length: Novel-sized

Genre: Slow burn romantic comedy with adventure elements, Supernatural elements, Western

Summary: Alcoholic divorcee Gordon Freeman has been given a great opportunity by the Coolatta patriarch to make 10,000 dollars if he goes on an expedition west with the Science Team... Along with their charming, unusual guide and gambling man, Benrey. There's more than meets the eye to the desert, though... and Gordon's finding out more about himself whether he likes it or not!

The Black Mesa Video Boyfriend

Status: WIP

Rating: M or E (depends on how repulsive i find benrey)

Length: Projected to be Novel-length

Genre: Machine romance, Y2K Sci-Fi, Comedy elements, Horror elements, Conspiracy

Summary: 4 years since the Resonance Cascade, Gordon Freeman has become a pariah within Black Mesa. Being the scape-goat for the RC event, he has been demoted to a 'product tester', and has been testing the technology that the United States government has been using to spy on and control their population. Things get really weird when the US targets the teenage girl demographic in order to weed out dissenters and Gordon is forced to test the new cellphone, the B3Ni, which is equipped with an advanced AI meant to spy on the user and their calls... and be a dreamy skater boy.

Laplace's Demon is an Imbecile

Status: WIP

Rating: T

Length: One-Shot

Genre: Romantic comedy, Astronauts, Sci-Fi, Philosophy dissection

Summary: Astronaut Gordon Freeman is the first man to make contact with aliens. Turns out, Laplace's Demon isn't a thought experiment, and rather is a real entity! Unfortunately, getting knowledge from "Benrey" is like pulling teeth from a hippo. He’s only talking about MetaCritic scores instead of violating the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle :/

Semelparity or Iteroparity?

Status: WIP

Rating: M (References to Sex, no Explicit Material)

Length: One-Shot

Genre: Existential Dread, Body Horror, Pregnancy, Egg Fic? (is that a genre of fic?), Soft Whump, Alien Biology, Educational (technically this will teach you about a simple ecological principle they teach undergrad biologists), Angst, Fluff

Summary: Totally heterosexual life partner roommates Benrey and Gordon have relations. And Benrey starts acting kind of funny afterwards. And would you look at that! He's eggnant. The problem is, Benrey's never had a brooding event before, and Tommy has some bad news for him: It might be the last thing he ever does. Queue the existential dread!

Lip to Bone

Status: WIP

Rating: E (Gore, Innuendo)

Length: Projected to be Novella-sized

Genre: Adventure, Dark Comedy, Dark Romance (in the traditional sense, not the weird TikTok girlie book way), Dark Fantasy, High Fantasy

Summary: The dark lord Benrey has risen again! But he's different this time. Chosen One Gordon Freeman must do battle with him, and defeat his undead army once and for all. Benrey has other ideas though; chilling out. While Benrey seeks to thwart the brave paladin in the Magic Team, Benrey starts to fall for him. And he just must have this man as a part of his undead skeleton army to rule by his side as his top general!

Life's a Pair of Dice

Status: Updated Occasionally

Rating: T (Language, very very light sexual themes)

Length: One-Shot

Genre: Comedy, Borscht-Beltesque, Family Drama, Angst, Fluff, Midlife Crisis, Grief

Summary: 15 years after Benrey and Gordon have been an official couple, and a decade after they were married, they divorced. Being a fulltime streamer, Gordon is well off and comfortable in himself. But Benrey quickly realizes a lot of his identity relied on his relationship with Gordon. 2 weeks after the divorce stream, Benrey has custody of his teenage son, Joshua, who gives him a bad idea that spirals out of control, leading to one hell of a midlife crisis crash out! Will Gordon and Benrey get back together? Probably not. Can they? Maybe. Will Benrey ever remember to bring Joshua to his riding lessons? Will Benrey ever clean his house? Or stop being a balding loser? The world may never know.

[kiirous]

Sometimes, I wonder why I still like DCMK. The writing honestly aggravates me so much. I like the idea, but the actual writing is just shit. For some reason, my brain still latched onto them and won't let go. I keep going back to them even when I originally "left" the fandom.

[yuseirra]

I've been thinking over this god thing over and there's another idea I have related to it!

Earlier I've said that ame-no-uzume(god of the arts) and her husband sarutahiko(the great bright god) may be related to Ai and Hikaru.

Their story might also have been inspired from Izanagi and Izanami and they're very famous, so I believe I wouldn't have to explain a whole lot, (and I bet there are people who know it in more depth) but.. Izanagi and Izanami (the creator gods of Japanese Mythology) have Amaterasu(the sun god), Tsukuyomi(the moon god) and Susanoo(the god of the sea and storms) as their children. Ruby has something to do with Amaterasu and we have a girl who goes by Tsukuyomi as a character, Aqua, with the full name being "Aquamarine" has a name that has to do with the sea.

The reason I've brought this up is because of the lore between Izanagi and Izanami. Izanami dies, and Izanagi tries to bring her back to life but fails. It rings a bell, right?

Yes, this story of theirs also aligns with the things that have been mentioned in Mephisto and Fatal. Those songs revolve around a person who desperately wants to meet their love again (who's likely passed away) but cannot.

I've been wondering just why the ED's title was named Mephisto. Mephisto is the name of the devil, right? When you have a wish and the devil in the same picture, it means there's some kind of pact.

If the person singing in the song's been kamiki (which I've been pretty much stressing over and over through multiple posts now) it'd mean he's had gone through something like that too, to revive the one he loves.

This could be why there is a "stage" that's mentioned in BOTH of the songs, he's in a deal that he can't back out from.

この舞台で足掻くことをやめない

I will not stop to struggle on this stage(Fatal)

だけどステージが逃がさない いついつまでも憧れ　焦がれているよ

But the stage won’t let go I'll keep yearning and longing forever(Mephisto)

At this point, I'm so sure kamiki HAS done something to bring Ai back. He's made some sort of sacrifice for Ai it seems, he's probably made wishes regarding it, that come with a price but he didn't really care about his life in the first place after she's gone so he was willing to risk it. The efforts were probably in vain, though. But it could be really close to being granted if something's "filled in"

あなたがいないと生きていけない 何もかも捧げてしまってもいい あなたの愛がまだ足らない 欠けたものは何で埋めたらいい？

Without you, I cannot live anymore I would sacrifice anything for you I can’t get enough of your love What should I use to fill in what’s missing?(Fatal)

compared to Mephisto, Fatal seems more.. eager? energetic? but in an insane way. The speaker is actively doing something to fulfill their end goal. That's why I feel kamiki's missions are probably close to finish- he's all right with dying after having completed it

but in ch 154 he's heard that Ai wants to "help him" along with her children. and that she loved him dearly. This is going to leave him so devastated and conflicted lol because he's probably way past hope at this point. He can't be saved. He can't fulfill what Ai wants, that's going to make him very miserable. That's my guess. It's like everything he's doing had him stray even further off from what Ai wants.

Or it could be that he can't give up on Ai EVEN MORE now since he KNOWS that she loves him back too. Who'd give up on someone like that? She was like the only person who understood him and loved him. I can totally see why he couldn't let her go after all these years (may it be twisted. there is still some ambiguity in his words and we can be backstabbed) she was the one for him and he was to her, too, at least that's how he's felt when they were together. So he'd do ANYTHING for her. That lines up very well with those lyrics too.

So yeah. If my speculations are right Kamiki's so doomed... and doomed because of all the things he did that he thought was for Ai. Aligns with the respective mythologies too~.. I'd be surprised if these have NOTHING to do with the plot that's going to be revealed in the future because it just WORKS. It starts making so much sense to me.