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wangxiangiftexchange · 4 years ago

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Lunar New Year Gift for vedrividia!

Pairing: Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji; past Wei Wuxian/Other (implied) Rating: Mature Warnings: brief depiction of sexual harassment, brief instance of misgendering, implied/referenced past suicide attempt, implied/referenced past sexual assault (off-screen), implied/referenced past forced pregnancy (off screen), implied/referenced underage sex & pregnancy (off-screen), alcoholism, coming out, implied/referenced homophobia Other Tags: trans male character, disabled character, gay male character, open ending, unreliable narrator, angst, tender, chance meeting, confession, reunion, character with incomplete spinal cord injury, iSCI, it probably sounds darker than it is

Summary: On the last eve before spring Wei Ying finds himself at the end of a road. What awaits him on the other side depends on the steps he takes to cross it. Someone walks beside him.

Disclaimer: I am neither Chinese, trans nor disabled. All of the portrayal in this fic is based on research. It's not my intent to offend and I'm open to critique as long as it's respectful and constructive. Wei Ying's journey is his own and does not represent all of the disabled or trans community. The fic is set in a world that closely resembles ours, but where corona never happened and maybe China's laws are just a little less restrictive (but still very phobic), so bear that in mind. I do not own any of the characters.

Notes - Beginning: The idea of trans male Wei Ying had been stuck in my head for a while now, and I've been wanting to try my hand at a trans story, because I've never done that before. This assignment was an opening to do that in a darker, more serious setting. I have also wanted to explore Wei Ying's suicidal issues while translating his story into a modern setting for some time (it was supposed to be a coffee shop AU, only the coffee shop never appeared hah). It was simultaneously hard and fun to write, and I'm grateful for it. @vedrividia, I hope you like it!

In the past I didn't feel like I could do a good job at representing anyone of an identity I couldn't quite empathize with. Since then I've surrounded myself with trans inclusive media, and followed transgender blogs and channels, and I hope that this fic does right by all of them.

I am aware of some of the potentially problematic topics, but I also didn't want to ignore all the challenges and abuse and trauma that trans folk are forced to endure on a daily basis. (Did you know that trans people have some of the highest suicide rates, and likely to have alcohol issues? Making everyone happy and nothing hurt felt all kinds of wrong knowing that.) I believe that representing both - an ideal world alongside the real and flawed one - is important.

Positive stories are also important - this is one. Or at least I hope I was able to make it one.

On a more cheerful note, there are pictures that served as an inspiration for this story, namely this photoset (especially the pic in the leather jacket, the one on the couch and the close up) done in faceapp by a genius, this brain-frying picture, and of course this picture from the Harper's Bazaar Photoshoot that none of us are over. I completely blame Xiao Zhan's androgyny.

Last but not least, I owe a massive thanks to Laura for the amazing beta they did on a rather short notice and brought this fic to another level. Thank you for your hard work!!! :)

End notes: Wei Ying has an incomplete spinal cord injury in the lumbar area (at L1 or L2). I didn't realize that I played myself when I gave him an incomplete injury, because the lack of references and information is in terms of quantity a total opposite to everything available on complete SCI. Which in turn made the telling of such a story feel even more important. If any of you know of a good resource for the daily life of people with iSCI, I'm all ears.

Even researching the walking aides was a challenge, since most information is on wheelchair dependent people, which Wei Ying is not. He has a wheelchair but he refuses to use it, for several reasons, one of them being image, another being worry of atrophy. He likes a good walk, and there's progress thanks to physical therapy, most of which is covered by insurance. I was debating an exoskeleton/brace for him, but from what I gathered they aren't really useful for SCI (I welcome any additional info about this), and those that would be cost a ton and aren't covered by insurance - which is a big factor for Wei Ying. The toss ended up being between forearm crutches and a walking frame, but in the end I decided on crutches, because it seemed like Wei Ying would prefer them? For now? With crutches he can pretend, and I also didn't know to what extent a walking frame would be insurance covered (in China), and whether he'd be at a point where he would accept one. (I imagine the simple ones would be covered by insurance, the question is whether they make a huge difference to crutches, and whether a rollator - with wheels and a seat is something that would count as 'necessary' in this case.)

However, once again, I am not adequately educated on all that goes into the decision making here. No one ever mentions things like these in success stories. In the end I left it as a room for future development. I'm pretty sure Wen Qing is trying to convince him to get one.

I was debating whether to tag dysphoria. While it is not explicitly stated in the fic, Wei Ying does experience it, although this has gotten better since he realized being trans, came out and started testosterone. His decision to not transition fully is one that many trans people make at a point in their lives, for any number of reasons. This does not mean he'll never change his mind, or won't explore other forms of expression. It's a choice that the current Wei Ying is making, completely independent of future Wei Ying.

It's possible in China to get a gender confirmation surgery, but the requirements sound like a nightmare. The first thing you have to do is get diagnosed with 'gender disorder', be five years in (unsuccessful) therapy for it, at least 20 and unmarried. If he decides to transition fully to a male presenting body he can only marry someone who is biologically female in the future, under Chinese law. (Imagine having to divorce your significant other in order to be who you are. Imagine having to make this decision. It makes me want to write fic about it.)

It also costs a ton, as none of it is covered by insurance. You can only start hormone therapy in order to get surgery, which leads a lot of trans people to acquire hormones illegally and without medical counseling. I purposefully did not decide where Wei Ying gets his T from. I didn't want him to not have it, but I left the how undecided. For the most part I headcanon it as one of the things that make my world a little different, since hormone therapy is a thing that exists outside of transitioning as well. E.g. many female athletes use testosterone to boost their performance, and many other women take it for various medical reasons. I feel like WWX could find ways to acquire some. Now, whether this would be legal or not is left open.

By the way? Never, EVER deadname. Just don't. The moment someone comes out to you as trans, tells you their pronouns and name, that's what you use. You forget everything that came prior to that, wipe it out of your memory, it's ashes on the sands of time unless stated otherwise BY THEM, got it?

Now, Wei Ying's case. I was hesitant about how to approach this, but from the start I knew two things. I wanted the same kind of intimacy of WWX & LWJ calling each other by their birth names as in canon, but I also didn't want to go the way most authors go in this case i.e. splitting the names to pre- and post- transition. It is my understanding that most Chinese names are unisex (if anyone has more info on this, I'd love to have it), or can be used for all genders, and I didn't want to force a gender issue where there wasn't one. However, I also wanted something parallel that could be used in a similar way. What I came up with is what you see in text. While Wei Ying did change his name, the only reason why it's still somewhat okay to use 'Wuxian' is because he explicitly says he likes it. In fact, in my head somewhere in the imagined future of this verse, he and JFM have a conversation about it where JFM tells him if he wants it, it can still be his name - he didn't give it to an image, but a person. IDK how well any of this works, or translates to actual trans or Chinese (or trans and Chinese) people, so if you have words for me, let me know.

On a side note, in 2015 China lifted the one-child policy in favor of a two-child policy. A-Yuan was born in 2017.

Wei Ying attempted suicide between the 4th and 8th week of his pregnancy. During the early weeks the probability of a fetus surviving a major fall (even a fall from stairs) is significantly higher than later in the pregnancy, and the scaffolding he jumped from wasn't actually that high. I'm also considering that there might have been something to cushion the fall that he hadn't noticed (a stray rope, or a net) or been aware of (like padding on the stage), but that's a detail I decided to leave to your imagination. On the other hand, sustaining a SCI during early pregnancy is likely to have fatal consequences, as I found out a week before the deadline. In the end, they both got very lucky. Wei Ying spent the next 3 months in a coma. When he woke up it was too late to terminate. Jiang Fengmian had been adamant that the decision not be made without Wei Ying's consent, which was nice of him, but also ended up making the decision for Wei Ying regardless.

Last but not least, if you've read this and feel like you have something to add, I love any kind of comments, whether you wanna review the fic, have some useful information for me, would like to discuss a point or just like to say hi! :)

*****

Transverse

If asked, Wei Ying wouldn't have remembered how he had gotten to the bar. He didn't remember taking a different route on the short walk back home, he hadn't even been aware there was a bar in the first place. He only remembered suddenly standing in front of it, aching to his bones, limbs leaden with a familiar exhaustion, morose and longing for nothing more than a little break. His back was on fire, his leg was throbbing, the skin underneath his binder wouldn’t stop itching and to top it off his stomach had been cramping in a way it wasn't supposed to anymore. His body had decided to give him a wonderful gift for the holiday. Wei Ying wouldn't wish this on his worst enemy, and that spoke volumes to anyone who knew who occupied that position.

Needless to say, he was desperate for a drink.

The bar was almost empty so early in the afternoon, and shortly before the holiday, all the regulars had likely gone home to see their families. It was the time of reunions, the golden week of spring knocking on the door. The whole town looked empty, seemingly asleep and abuzz at the same time, a strange kind of liminal space born in the atmosphere of the coming celebrations, quiet with contained impatience. He had been painfully aware of it the entire week, the turning of another year leaving him nothing to do but watch people go where Wei Ying couldn't return anymore.

The Lunar New Year always made him hurt worse than usual, in more ways than purely physical. Wei Ying had felt that strange air peak today, even in the confines of his tiny office at the back of the Pacific Coffee branch he had been working at for a little over two months. It was a tiny thing on the busiest street of their small town, smelling of comfort in the wee hours of the morning and of salvation late in the evening. The staff had needed support with handling the supply chain, so that they could focus on serving the staggering amount of customers that came in all day.

It had seemed perfect when Wei Ying had first limped inside on his forearm crutches, with a letter of recommendation, feeling smaller than an ant but significantly less tough. The reintegration program had been a lifeline thrown to a drowning man when he had first heard about it. It had been the opportunity to restart his life. Earn an income. Be independent. In time maybe even repay his friends for the kindness they had shown when he had nowhere to go. Now? Now he wasn't sure that he'd still have a job after the holiday was over.

"This really can't go on," his boss had said, midway through the most gruesome shift the shop had ever witnessed. "Half the supplies came in wrong, for the third time this week!"

Sometimes, Wei Ying wondered why he still bothered. He could probably survive on aid and love for himself, and the Wens made enough to take care of the rest. It just… It could have been nice. To be the one to take care of the people he cared about, for a change.

He really needed that drink.

The whiskey looked enticing from where he was half-sitting, half-leaning on a stool, crutches stashed between his legs. He could almost taste it, the phantom of the sharp flavor burning his tongue.

"Hi, darling." An unfamiliar voice startled him out of his thoughts, causing him to tense. He had been aware of the middle-aged man at the counter, but he hadn't been paying him much attention until now. "Can I buy you a drink? How about Sex on the Beach?"

It was difficult to control himself at that tasteless, juvenile joke. Wei Ying could almost taste the bile rising in his throat and the beginnings of what would no doubt become a pounding headache throbbing in his temples. Great. Just what he had needed.

The whiskey bottle called out to him again, beckoning him to the bitter burn.

A drink. That was what he needed - a drink.

Do you really? Need it? The voice of his therapist came to his mind, sudden and uninvited.

"Hey bartender!" The man called out in the most unwelcome case of accidental telepathy in the history of mankind, sneaking one arm around Wei Ying’s waist, a sweaty hand settling on his hip. "One Sex on the Beach for the miss, on my tab!"

There was the rising bile again, tension squeezing his muscles, and the flash of a haughty smirk at the furthest back of his mind. This wasn't what he wanted. None of it. Neither the touch nor the drink, no matter what his mind wanted to convince him of.

It's easier to need than the things that take hard work, the ones you have to earn. It had taken him a long time to admit that.

"I don't drink." Wei Ying said, angling his head as much as the muscles of his neck permitted to look at the guy invading his personal space squarely. "Remove your hand now."

The guy bristled.

"Hey, chill out, sweetheart." He was quick to regain his composure with an awkward laugh and not enough common sense. Wei Ying supposed he must have been used to rejection. Too bad. "You're so tense… Maybe a virgin cocktail then."

His crutch shot up before the full sentence was out.

The man stumbled back with a startled yelp as the rubber point connected with his chest in a sharp jab.

"Hey! What's your problem?!"

"I said I don't drink." Wei Ying was completely unapologetic, still holding his crutch like a sword, but the guy was already walking away, muttering ‘fucking bitch’ under his breath.

"You alright there, girl?"

His gut clenched at the words.

He looked up to meet the only slightly worried, but otherwise unbothered gaze of the bartender and told himself it wasn't her fault. She probably wasn't even aware. He knew he didn't… There was no way for him to pass. There was nothing he could do about that, had already decided not to, not at this time, not in this country. Wei Ying didn't expect people to know on sight. He didn't. It didn't change the fact though that every single misnomer felt like someone was peeling his skin off.

"I'm not a girl," he said to her almost too quietly, but he knew she heard when he met her gaze. A strained silence passed between them in which Wei Ying watched her frown in confusion, then sputter with the loss of words, before awkwardly shuffling off. He smiled wryly. How funny. It really wasn't anything complicated, and yet… So few were able to comprehend.

Wordlessly, Wei Ying slid off the stool and made his way out of the bar as quick as his crutches let him be.

Once outside, the crisp air mercilessly purifying, he realized how close to the edge he had gotten once again. He had to stop doing this. He couldn't afford another fall, another spiral back down the drain. Not when he had just clawed his way out. Not when he had people depending on him now. Tiny people with curious gray eyes, so much like his own. Waiting for him at home.

Something icy touched his face and instinctively he looked up only to find it snowing.

That explained the ache.

The cold always made him feel sore, although he knew at least some of it was phantom pain. He hadn’t retained a whole lot of feeling in his left leg, beyond a tingle that had become almost constant and the occasional twitch. His right leg was fine, it just tended to ache a lot, to a point where Wei Ying sometimes found himself wishing it wasn't better off than the other one. But then he wouldn't get away with 'forgetting' his wheelchair at home, so he quickly dismissed that thought. Besides, there were plenty of people who had it worse. He, at least, could still walk. He could still stand. Kinda. He had no room to complain.

After all, he had done this to himself.

'It's better this way.' He remembered thinking, standing on the top of the catwalk stairs backstage of the high school auditorium. 'A-jie, Jiang Cheng,… Lan Zhan. I'm sorry for the trouble I've caused you. I love you. I'll get out of your hair now.'

In the end it had been easy to tip backwards and let himself fall.

Waking up had been the hard part. Not only had he failed, but every reason that had pushed him to end it all had only been made worse. Worse still, after. He had lived though, so that was that. There was no utility in regret. He couldn't go back. The only way was forward now, step by painful step. Standing around and staring at the snow falling was nice, but it wouldn't make the walk shorter. Home wasn't far away. He'd take it slow. He'd be there before he knew it.

He barely took three steps before he felt someone's broad shoulder bump against his, his equilibrium yanked roughly from under his feet.

He remembered falling.

Not the act of it, nor every thought and feeling that preceded it, but he remembered the soft pressure at his skull as he tipped backwards, the endless instant of the free fall, a moment frozen in time. Not the impact, but the inevitability of it, coming, coming, almost there. The loss of control. The frightening, exhilarating realization of his absolute surrender. Not the oblivion that followed but the fragments of muddled awareness afterwards. Disorientation, rock bottom and the overwhelming sense of failure.

It had felt nothing like now.

He felt the loss of ground beneath his feet, the scrape of concrete against his palms, as he all but starfished onto the pavement. A sharp pain. The frustrated annoyance of another thing gone wrong in the long list that made up the day.

Only the failure felt the same, funny that.

"I'm sorry!" Said a deep voice. "I wasn't looking."

"Yeah, no shit." He chuckled, because really, who could have guessed.

"Here, let me help." There were hands on his arm, just as he propped himself up, but he yanked it away.

"I'm fine!" He wasn't helpless. He wasn't, dammit! He had his arms, his abdominals, and most of his legs. Getting up from the ground wasn't such a herculean task for him as for those who depended on a wheelchair. He didn't have to call an ambulance just because he starfished. He didn't need any help at all here, especially not the help of some ditzy stranger with their head in the clouds…

"Wei Ying?"

Wei Ying froze.

Few people on this Earth called him that, and none of them had a voice like that. He looked up to see glowing amber on a face carved out of a dream.

"Lan Zhan?"

Of all the people to be in town today of all days, the least likely would have to be Lan Zhan. Lan Zhan, his former senior, Lan Zhan, his best friend. Lan Zhan, whom he had told his secrets, Lan Zhan, who he… who he…

"Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan… Can I kiss you? I understand you don't like me that way, and it's fine, I'm fine, really, but… uhm… It's supposed to be special. The first kiss. I… I want it to be yours. Just one kiss." A child he barely remembered had wanted and wanted, never satisfied. "Ah, it's okay if you don't want to. I get it. It's fine. I'm just being selfish."

But that had been a long time ago. A person he didn't know, a past life that had never truly been. Not for him in any case.

Lan Zhan was looking at him like a ghost had appeared in front of him.

Although, ghosts didn't need crutches. Honestly, Wei Ying did wish he could float quite frequently.

Face twisted in sardonic amusement at that childish wish, he pulled himself up with some maneuvering and a lot of effort. This seemed to wake Lan Zhan from his daze as he quickly followed. Wei Ying didn't miss the sweeping gaze as his once friend took him in, wondering what he saw. A stranger, perhaps? A new person? Him? Wei Ying knew he hadn't changed much on the outside, aside the obvious and maybe in his weight distribution, but Lan Zhan had always had the ability to look past the surface. Was he still able to do that? Or was he just taking in his appearance, assessing his matted, worn out body that seemed to show every year that had passed multiplied by ten? Wei Ying was aware that time had not been the kindest to him, but he was hanging on. He was past the worst now. He was doing better. He was!

He wondered if Lan Zhan still could see that too.

"Wei Ying." His name again, spoken with enough wonder to give Wei Ying the courage to meet his gaze. There was an unspoken question in it.

"Yeah," Wei Ying answered and felt the cusp of a smile pull at the corners of his lips. "Long time no see, Lan Zhan. Fancy meeting you here."

"I really like you, Lan Zhan," the person he didn't know had said, red faced with embarrassment and a shaking voice. "I mean like… like like."

Back then he had believed that moment to be the most nerve-wracking experience he was ever going to survive. Today he missed his naivety.

Lan Zhan gave him a look like he just realized it was really Wei Ying standing in front of him. Like he still could barely believe it. It unraveled a completely different ache in Wei Ying. They had been close once, and though they had always shared their secrets, Wei Ying had seen him so open and unguarded but once.

"I...like...boys," had been the answer. The refusal so, so gentle, unable to accept, thus giving something of equal value in return instead. A truth for a truth, a secret for a secret. "Wei Ying, I'm gay."

Lan Zhan, always figuring things out so quickly, always willing to accept reality no matter how hard it was. Wei Ying hadn't known back then. If he had known… Who knew what would have been then. It didn't matter anymore. It was a life long gone. What remained of it were a few good memories, some of them he wasn't sure were real.

Now, chance had made them cross paths once again, at a liminal space transversing through time.

"Are you hurt?" Lan Zhan's voice brought him back from his thoughts, and Wei Ying looked where he was reaching for his scraped hands and knees.

Lan Zhan, always the same Lan Zhan… "Not selfish."

So wonderful and kind and warm.

"Eh, I'm fine. Nothing Wen Qing can't fix." He brushed his former friend off, noticing how Lan Zhan's eyebrow seemed to go up infinitesimally at the mention of his old classmate and promptly changed the subject. "What brings you to Yiling, Lan Zhan? Shouldn't you be with your family for Chun Jie?"

"I…" Lan Zhan looked away. "Didn't get an earlier flight."

That sounded suspicious, especially since the Lan Zhan Wei Ying knew liked to plan ahead. But Wei Ying wasn't the same he had been, maybe Lan Zhan wasn't either. People were allowed to change. It also didn't answer what he was doing in Yiling in the first place, but Wei Ying wasn't forcing him to tell. Wei Ying had never wanted to force Lan Zhan into anything, he wasn't going to start now.

"Wei Ying." Lan Zhan looked at him again, this time meeting his eyes squarely. He paused. "How have you been?"

Wei Ying felt the loom of a shadow over him, and his gaze dropped to the ground for a second.

"As you can see." He put a reassuring smile on his face as he summoned enough will to hold Lan Zhan's gaze. "Still alive and kicking."

Which was probably much more than the last time Lan Zhan had heard of him.

"I was looking for you. I wanted to see you. After." The what remained unspoken. Lan Zhan's kind heart hadn't changed. Wei Ying sought comfort in it, warmed by the thought of his best friend trying to get in touch even after everything went to hell. "I was told you… left."

Wei Ying made a soft sound of affirmation through the small smile that had spread on his face. "I moved out on my eighteenth birthday. Aunt Yu… I was supposed to stay till graduation, but... ah. I fucked up. Colossally."

"Wei Ying." Lan Zhan remained the only person Wei Ying knew who managed to frown without a single crease on his face. "You were recovering."

"It was fine, Lan Zhan." Wei Ying chuckled even as he held back a sigh. Lan Zhan didn't know half of it. "I moved in with the Wens."

There was a pause.

"With Wen Qing?" Lan Zhan asked and Wei Ying realized that small detail wouldn't have been immediately clear to him, all things considered.

"With Wen Qing and her family." He nodded. After a moment of thought he added. "Not Wen Chao. I know nothing about that douchebag."

"Mn," Lan Zhan agreed and it sounded so wholehearted that it startled a laugh out of Wei Ying.

"Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan," Wei Ying said, feeling truly light for the first time in a long time. The smile he gave Lan Zhan felt warm and genuine. He hoped Lan Zhan saw it too, and didn't think Wei Ying was trying to shake him off, when he spoke next. "It's so good to see you. You're the best thing that happened to me today. I would love to catch up, but they're waiting for me at home and I'm already late."

"Mn." Lan Zhan nodded. There was a pause. Then, just as Wei Ying was about to ask for his number, "I could. Walk you. If you like."

"I thought you had a flight to catch." Wei Ying wanted to smack his mouth for how hopeful he sounded.

"Mn," Lan Zhan said. "In the evening."

"Lan Zhan!" He startled, amused and surprised at the same time. "And here I thought your bedtime was nine! Don't tell me you crossed to the dark side."

"It is Chuxi." Lan Zhan's voice was soft with a playful note, and Wei Ying felt his heart turn all over again even as he laughed.

"Aiya, Lan Zhan…" A smile spread on his face. "Alright then. I'd love to have your company. If you're sure."

"I am," Lan Zhan answered. "I would… very much like to… catch up with you."

"Well then." Wei Ying's smile broadened and started again in the direction he was heading earlier. "Right this way, sir. But I'm warning you. I'm basically a snail now."

For a beat there was silence, in which Wei Ying figured that Lan Zhan was probably looking for a proper response. He still didn't know how to handle self-deprecating humor, then. Wei Ying chuckled quietly to himself. The more things change…

"That is alright," Lan Zhan finally said. "I have time."

"Oh, do you? That's great!" Wei Ying grinned from ear to ear, marveling at how easy it suddenly was. "Aah, Lan Zhan I really missed this!"

"Mn," Lan Zhan agreed but didn't say anything else.

For a few moments silence reigned again, of a comfortable kind. One that allowed Wei Ying to bask in the startling, almost miraculous presence of his best friend. Or it would have been, had Wei Ying not been keenly aware of Lan Zhan's intense stare.

"Do I really look that bad?" He teased, hoping to give Lan Zhan the opening he probably needed to ask whatever questions he had. "I've actually gained weight over Dongzhi you know."

Lan Zhan blinked, as if startled to be called out. Wasn't he aware that he had been staring? Or had he not expected Wei Ying to say something?

"You look…" he started, then swept his gaze over Wei Ying.

"Tired?" Wei Ying offered, keeping the humor in his words. The last thing he wanted Lan Zhan to think was that he needed to sugar coat his words around him now. "Stressed? Battle worn?"

"Different," Lan Zhan finished.

"Ah." Wei Ying breathed out, something in his chest tightening. "Good different, or bad different?"

Lan Zhan looked at him for a long moment.

"Different you," he finally answered. A pause. "More you."

Wei Ying's breath stuttered, a small questioning sound dragging itself up his throat.

"Wei Ying…" Lan Zhan hesitated for a brief moment, unsure. "May I know your pronouns?"

Always so straight to the point.

"Pro… Pronouns?!" Wei Ying chuckled but even he could hear the nerves buzzing through that sound. "How did you figure that?"

Lan Zhan just kept looking at him. Wei Ying swallowed.

"I…"

He had to know. Since he actually asked, he had to already know. Or at least suspect. Be aware. In general, or about Wei Ying? Had he realized in their years apart, or was there something about Wei Ying now that made him guess? No one has ever been able to tell upon glance. No one.

Something fluttered deep in his chest, like the jingles of a tambourine reverberating. It gave him courage.

Wei Ying took a deep, steadying breath. "He, him, Lan Zhan. It's he, him."

He managed to swallow the thousand words that dragged themselves up his throat instead of that one, simple truth. To his credit, Lan Zhan let him, waiting patiently and with complete silence for Wei Ying to say his part.

"I'm trans," Wei Ying added, finding it easier to say after the initial confession. "As in full time, on actual testosterone, trans male."

Their eyes met. A heartbeat of silence.

"Mn." Lan Zhan nodded. "Makes sense."

Wei Ying had not expected that.

In his defense, no one had ever replied like that to him coming out.

"What?" He choked out, bewildered. Lan Zhan was giving him a gentle look, a diametrical opposite of Wei Ying's wide eyes. "Why does that make sense, Lan Zhan?"

"It didn't before." Lan Zhan's gaze dropped. "Now it does."

"What? Why?" Wei Ying repeated, not comprehending a single word his friend had said. At the back of his mind he knew he should be happy and relieved that as dear a friend as Lan Zhan accepted him, and he would be later, but now he was just confused. "Lan Zhan, what are you saying?"

"You confounded me. Before. I didn't understand. It didn't. Add up." He didn't even expect an answer beyond a shrug and an 'It just does', and yet Lan Zhan gave him one, trying to explain like he wanted Wei Ying to understand something important. Important enough to bring it up at their first chance meeting in years. It still didn't clear anything up. The way he was dragging his words out seemed odd too, for how upfront Lan Zhan usually was.

"What didn't add up?" Wei Ying asked again. What about him had confused Lan Zhan?

"I didn't know you were a boy. So it didn't make sense," Lan Zhan answered without looking up and Wei Ying felt dread tighten his stomach into a knot. "But now it does."

"What?" He frowned, the rush of blood pounding in his ears. "Lan Zhan, what are you talking about?"

Lan Zhan finally looked up at him and Wei Ying suddenly felt light headed. The grip on his crutches must have gone knuckle white from how firmly he was gripping the handles. It couldn't be…

"I was confused why I liked you," Lan Zhan whispered, dropping his gaze again. "Why I enjoyed kissing you."

Wei Ying's brain was white static.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, "No!"

His whole body wanted to recoil with shock.

"Wei Ying," Lan Zhan pleaded but was cut short.

"I confessed to you! I told you I liked you!" He saw the bob of Lan Zhan's throat, how his eyes fell shut as he swallowed. Wei Ying despaired for words that could express the entire scale of emotions he felt, from betrayal to hope, but mostly just... shock. "You said you… You've never… And now, after everything… Do you even… Lan Zhan!!!"

"Wei Ying," he said his name like it was all he was capable of saying, with a hitch of sudden hesitance on the last syllable, a minuscule frown around his eyes, like he realized something important. "Do you still call yourself Wei Ying?"

The quiet question conjured up another memory, of an occasion much kinder.

"It's my birth name," he heard his youthful voice, still too high although most had described it as low. Lan Zhan had raised an eyebrow at him, even more puzzled than before. Wei Ying had laughed as he went to explain. "Same character as in 'infant'. Wuxian is the name uncle Jiang gave me so that I have a better name than, you know, 'baby'. It's a cool name! I mean, 'no envy' come on! Like I have no match in the world! Totally rad, you know, uncle Jiang's naming sense is A+."

"But you prefer Wei Ying." Lan Zhan had looked at him then, searchingly and Wei Ying had looked away with a snort, to hide his swallow.

"It's a terrible name. Who the hell names their baby 'baby'?"

Lan Zhan hadn't replied anything to that, and Wei Ying still remembered his next words, and how they had burned on his tongue, how he couldn't hold them back.

"It's what the people who loved me had called me."

In the present, Wei Ying found himself laughing in spite of the utter shock. Only Lan Zhan. Only Lan Zhan would give him a heart attack first then go make sure he wasn't deadnaming him on top of everything.

"Lan Zhan!!!" He cried out. "That's so not the point right now! But, yes, I do. I changed it back, actually. Officially, I mean."

"You dislike it." It sounded more like a question than a statement, so Wei Ying answered.

"Don't get me wrong, I still think Wuxian is way cooler, and my siblings still call me that, but…" His gaze fell away from Lan Zhan to something more distant, beyond his focus as he struggled over his words, drawing them out only with great difficulty from where they were rooted deep inside of him. "It's the name given to the image of a person that never really existed. Like… the painting of a person you met in a dream. And I sorta… I like to imagine that, regardless of who I am… They would still love me."

They. The people who gave him that horrible, unimaginative name.

"Mn," Lan Zhan agreed like there had never been any doubt about it. Wei Ying snorted.

"Wei Ying," there it was again, his name, spoken so kindly, if not hesitantly as Lan Zhan too seemed to be struggling for words. "I would like to apologize. I hurt you. I have been looking for you to tell you this."

All at once, Wei Ying felt his shock settle into something more profound, like the wave that had swallowed him revealing the depth of the ocean. There was nothing Lan Zhan had to apologize for. Not for the lack of awareness, and certainly not for his feelings. Even their conflicts had always stemmed from a place of deep care.

"No." Wei Ying shook his head. "Not more than I hurt myself, Lan Zhan. Even when you scolded me, you never hurt me."

Had Lan Zhan broken his heart? Yeah, he had. So what? Did that mean he could be held accountable for it? Wei Ying's feelings were his own shit to deal with, not Lan Zhan's. Returning them wasn't Lan Zhan's duty. Even if he returned them, would it be fair to fault him for running away from them? For feeling insecure and anxious about his own attraction? For not knowing these things weren't as clear cut as all the adults around them had wanted to make them believe? It wasn't like Wei Ying had known either back then. He had, perhaps, understood himself even less than Lan Zhan. Most importantly, it was all in the past now. It couldn't be changed. What they made of it now was what mattered.

"None of my bullshit is your fault," he added. "You didn't go and tell me to fuck up my life. That was all on me."

"You wrote," Lan Zhan started, then paused, hesitating, then started again. "In your letter, you wrote…"

Wei Ying picked up on the question immediately.

"Not you," he said, the same words he had penned all those years ago in what was one of only two letters. "Never you. I had my reasons, but none of them were about you. In fact, I thought of you as the last good thing in my life at that point. The one true friend I still had left."

Lan Zhan's gaze fell on his crutches, but he didn't ask. Wei Ying was grateful.

"Come on, I need to get a move on," he said, starting to walk again, smiling at the surprised expression Lan Zhan had given him, when he realized he was still welcome to accompany him. Maybe it was something about that look that made Wei Ying add, after another second of thought, "There are people waiting for my return."

"Mn," Lan Zhan hummed, falling back in step next to him. "That's good. You should have people waiting for you at home."

Wei Ying couldn't help but smile.

"Say, Lan Zhan,…" he said after a few seconds of silence, when all what Lan Zhan has confessed slowly sunk in. "When you say you've been looking for me… You mean all this time?"

"Mn." Lan Zhan nodded. Wei Ying watched him gather his thoughts, the snow fluttering all around them. "I wanted to see you. Ask how you were doing. See if… If you needed support. Apologize. For not being a good friend to you before."

"Lan Zhan…" Wei Ying listened to him, and when Lan Zhan finally looked up at him his gaze was so sincere that his heart ached with it.

"I wanted to tell you the truth." Lan Zhan didn't let himself be interrupted. "That I liked you back. Without any expectations. That I didn't understand, but that it didn't matter. That I could like you without understanding why. That I wasn't asking for anything, just wanted you to know. That I wanted to help, in any way you'd let me."

"Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan…" Wei Ying sighed, vision suddenly blurred. He drew a deep breath. "But I wasn't there."

"Mn." Lan Zhan nodded. "I asked your sister where I could find you…"

"But she didn't know," Wei Ying finished for him. No one knew, except one person. "And Jiang Cheng wouldn't give you my address if you held him at gunpoint."

"Your brother knows you're here." It had the structure of a question but it was spoken as a statement, the same kind of incredulous as the look Lan Zhan was giving him. All things considered, it was kinda fair, Wei Wuxian thought as he barked a laugh.

"Yeah," he said, shoulders shaking a little as he snickered. "He's the designated secret keeper."

Lan Zhan just stared, wordlessly.

Wei Ying's smile gained an edge at the unspoken question. He had to clear his throat before he answered. "We're… not quite alright yet, but… Ah, how do I say this? He's the better judge of the situation? With, uhm, aunt Yu, I mean. It's… complicated."

Honestly, when wasn't it?

"I… see." Lan Zhan really didn't sound like he did, but didn't press, continuing his story instead. "Your sister was able to tell me which city you were in. So I… applied for a job."

Wait. Pause. Rewind.

"You work here?!" Wei Ying felt his jaw go slack.

"As an attorney. At 'Xiao and Song'," Lan Zhan confirmed, then looked back at Wei Ying. "Civil law. With focus on LGBTQ+ rights. I passed the bar last year."

"You…" There was so much to unpack in that statement that Wei Ying couldn't quite get the words together fast enough. At the back of his mind he was aware he should probably congratulate Lan Zhan on his degree but he was too stunned by the other, more important implications. "You've moved here? For work? All because… Because… You were looking for me?"

"Mn."

"Lan Zhan!" His amazing friend who, for some reason, in spite of having a great new life had been desperate to find him. "But you… But I…"

"Wei Ying," he spoke so, so softly, but with clear intent to stop any protest Wei Ying might have wanted to utter. It worked. Wei Ying's mouth fell shut, taking his friend in with a bright, wide gaze. "I missed you. I have no expectations. I just… missed you."

Warmth spread in Wei Ying's chest over the tender words, like a dying flame rekindled.

"Lan Zhan..." He didn't quite know what to say, oddly touched. "It's how you knew, isn't it? I'm not the only trans person you've met."

"There was a client," Lan Zhan admitted. "They made me think of you. I have wanted to ask you since. I wanted to know if… If I made a mistake."

He didn't specify what mistake he feared being guilty of. He didn't really have to.

For a while Wei Ying just looked at him.

"Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan…" He sighed, a small but genuine smile stealing itself onto his lips. "You… you're something else, you know that?"

Lan Zhan didn't reply, but there was something vulnerable in his expression.

"I missed you too."

Lan Zhan's eyes snapped back to Wei Ying's face, full of naked hope and a surprise so honest and pure that Wei Ying's heartstrings almost snapped. He could accept it. He could accept a friend longing for his company, even as his heart hammered against his chest like it was trying to escape its utter desolation.

"I couldn't have expected you to know something I didn't realize until much later." He hadn't realized there was tension around his friend's eyes until it relaxed.

Wei Ying took him in, his entire appearance and noted that although perfectly poised and immaculately dressed, beneath it all there was an exhaustion, a tension he didn't recognize. He thought about their meeting – the collision of two bodies launched out of their orbit – and everything else Lan Zhan had told him and a question dragged itself on his tongue that refused to be swallowed back in.

"Say, Lan Zhan… Since we are being so honest..." He asked before he could have thought better of it. "Why aren't you in Suzhou yet, for real? You always went home at least two weeks ahead of the festival. Did something happen?"

If there was something happening with Lan Zhan's family… Well, Wei Ying had missed enough opportunities to be a good friend in all the years they had been apart, or even before that. If Lan Zhan wanted to be his friend, Wei Ying was returning that tenfold. A secret for a secret, a truth for a truth.

If Lan Zhan wanted, that was.

For a second Wei Ying wasn't sure, but then the broad shoulders slumped, heaving like a weight was being lifted off them.

"I didn't always intend to go," Lan Zhan admitted. "Brother convinced me at the last moment. I wish he hadn't."

Their eyes met and Wei Ying felt a sudden heat spread through his cheeks at the intensity of Lan Zhan's gaze. He didn't take the bait, waiting patiently instead.

"I came out to my uncle. After the bar." Lan Zhan's gaze fell to the ground again, and Wei Ying already knew what he was about to say, aching dread settling painfully in his chest. "He did not… react well. He tried to set me up immediately afterwards."

"Aw man..." Wei Ying tried to sound both gentle and sympathetic without being too pitying. In his experience that never helped. "Yeah, I get that you didn't want to go home after that."

"Mn." Lan Zhan nodded, but said no more.

"Was she at least pretty?" Wei Ying tried to joke, unable to bear that forlorn expression on Lan Zhan's face and incapable of thinking of anything better to cheer his friend up. It would have been easy in the past, but now, with years containing entire lifetimes between them he didn't know anymore how to make Lan Zhan laugh.

But then Lan Zhan's lips twitched a little, so maybe not all was lost.

"Luo Qingyang," he answered, like Wei Ying was supposed to know the vaguely familiar name. Lan Zhan responded to his confused frown with his own and went on to explain. "You were in the drama club together. She was… Juliet. To your Romeo."

Very few guys had been in the drama club at that time, so Wei Ying had usually gotten the main male protagonist. He had loved it. It had been one of the reasons why he had joined the drama club in the first place. His co-star in all of that...

"Mianmian!" He exclaimed, eyes bright with delight. "It's been ages since I've last…"...Seen her. Seen anyone, he didn't say, schooled his expression and laughed instead. "I can't believe they tried to set you up with Mianmian! How is she?"

"Mn," Lan Zhan made a small sound out agreement that amused Wei Ying, before he answered. "She is well. Studying. Also law. She will take the bar next year."

"All of you are so smart…" Wei Ying chuckled, fond with more memories. "You know I made out with her once?" He promptly laughed at Lan Zhan's expression. "Relax, it wasn't as good as with you."

Their eyes met again and Wei Ying saw something like hope spark in Lan Zhan's eyes, which…

Wei Ying stopped. He let his gaze wander around, collecting his thoughts. He startled as he realized he was almost home, the agonizing minutes he usually needed reduced to nothing in the presence of his friend. The ache that had gnawed at his limbs earlier had all but disappeared, replaced by a longing ache in his heart.

"Lan Zhan," he found himself speaking without the input of his mind. "You said you liked me, so you should know… I don't intend to have surgery." He saw Lan Zhan open his mouth, probably to assure him once more of his pure intentions, which Wei Ying didn't need to hear. "I know, I know, you have no expectations, and I'm not saying we have to, but… My feelings for you never changed. I still like you, but I'm also… I'm a man Lan Zhan, but I'm not adjusting my body. Not to that degree."

"Is it a financial issue?" Lan Zhan asked after a pause and Wei Ying cut him off before he could continue with something ridiculous like an offer to pay.

"It's… not not about money, but…" He thought for a moment about how to say what he wanted to say. "Regardless of that, I refuse to go through all the legal hoops that this government would demand of me, like I'm supposed to beg them just to be who I am. And... Besides that…" He took a deep breath. "I think I'd like to have another child."

"Another…" There was a strangled sound, which he ignored, forcing himself to voice what he'd been struggling to put into words for a while now.

"I want to give it one more try. Voluntarily," Wei Ying found it difficult to say, despite the thought of a baby in his arms filling him with a warmth he wouldn't have expected mere years ago. "With someone I actually like this time."

"This time." There was something very wrong with the tone of Lan Zhan's voice, and as Wei Ying looked up at him, realization hit him with the force of a freight train.

"Oh! Oh no!" Lan Zhan's eyes were akin to saucers, and Wei Ying vaguely thought he had never seen his friend express shock so openly. "Fuck, I'm so dumb! Of course you don't know! How would you know?!"

Of course that very same moment, before Lan Zhan had any chance of collecting himself, a cheerful shout echoed through the street in an all too familiar, youthful voice. "BABA!!!"

Wei Ying winced. In the way life usually was – his life in particular – before Wei Ying could come up with a single word of explanation, there was the flurry of movement, and a warmth enveloping his leg – the better one.

"Baba, baba, you're home!"

Wei Ying's eyes fell down to the source of the excited noise to have two mischievous gray eyes reflected back at him. An unbidden smile spread on his face.

"A-Yuan!" He shifted around a little until he could safely run his fingers through the child's hair, even as he was keenly aware of the man next to him. "Have you been waiting for me?"

There was a twinkle and a nod, his very own baby's face beaming up at him with unabashed adoration. A tiny hand wrapped itself around his wrist and just like that the last of the day's stress fell away. He looked back at Lan Zhan. It was difficult to describe the expression his friend was giving him, frozen with disbelief, shock and something too close to horror, as his mind seemed to be rearranging and reevaluating every piece of information known to him. Finding no point in delaying the inevitable, Wei Ying braced himself and went for it.

"Lan Zhan, this is a-Yuan. He's mine. Gave birth to him and all." He made a point to smile, although Lan Zhan's expression remained unchanged. Deciding to give him the space he needed to get himself together, Wei Ying turned his attention back to his child. "A-Yuan, this is Lan Zhan. He's an old friend of mine from school. Want to introduce yourself?"

"Hello!" A-Yuan said before Wei Ying even finished the sentence. "I'm a-Yuan and I'm already four years old! I like butterflies and bunnies! Baba gave me Radish and a coloring book for my birthday. I was four last month! I love my baba bestest! But I love xiao-shushu und Qing-guma and granny and uncle Shi lotsa too!"

It was an altogether perfect introduction, and Wei Ying felt pride and love thrumming through his heart with a strength he hadn't believed to be possible. He watched the mental math behind Lan Zhan's eyes, a complicated expression spreading on his friend's face. He decided to give him another moment to complete the mental calculations and focused on something else that a-Yuan had reminded him of.

"Speaking of, where's your xiao-shushu?" Wei Ying looked around, then with growing suspicion back at the child still wrapped around his leg. "Did you ditch him again?"

Mischief spread on a-Yuan's face as he hid in Wei Ying's thigh.

"A-Yuan." Wei Ying narrowed his eyes at him, gently scolding. "We've talked about this. No walking around on your own. What if something happened?"

"But I'm with you," came the simple answer. "I have to help you walk. You said! To help you walk I have to take your hand. I saw you and gege wasn't holding your hand, so I came to help."

"Ah, so filial, a-Yuan…" Wei Ying looked up to the skies, silently begging the heavens for strength while fighting a ferocious blush. This child of his was as much a blessing as he was a huge trouble. The best kind of trouble, if Wei Ying was honest.

"A-Yuan!"

He was still busy trying to change his smile into something more stern, when as if on cue the uncle in question appeared around the corner, calling for his nephew, looking just as frantic as Wei Ying expected him to be. He waited for Wen Ning's eyes to find them, before he looked back down at a-Yuan.

"See how worried Wen Ning is? You can't do this, a-Yuan." The child's expression fell. "Go tell him you're alright and apologize for running away."

A-Yuan didn't waste a single second, rocketing towards his uncle with an excited call.

With his child safe in the most dependable arms that there were, Wei Ying turned to Lan Zhan again. His friend's eyes were closed, face pulled into a tight expression, lips pressed into a thin line, all of which told him what conclusion Lan Zhan had reached.

"It was part of the reason," Wei Ying said, because he knew Lan Zhan would never ask and he wanted his friend to know. "But it wasn't all of it."

Lan Zhan's eyes opened, his look agonized but not pitying, Wei Ying realized.

"There were many things going on," he said. "It was all so fucked up… I knew I couldn't keep him, and somehow I figured… Might as well go together. In the end we both survived, funny that."

"The father. The father is…" Lan Zhan trailed off, couldn't bring himself to say the name, but he didn't have to. Just as Wei Ying didn't have to answer other than with a rueful smile. After all, there was only one option. Lan Zhan drew a deep breath. "Was it… Did he…"

Here too, Wei Ying knew what he was asking, felt it like the edge of a knife against his skin.

"I don't want to talk about it." He swallowed, a prickling at the corners of his eyelids. "Not yet, at least. I'll tell you the story another time."

Lan Zhan nodded. Worried his jaw. Wei Ying waited.

"Was that why you… left?" His voice was so quiet that if Wei Ying wasn't paying attention, he probably wouldn't have noticed he had said anything at all.

"To put it in the words of aunt Yu, whores aren't welcome under her roof. She threatened to leave uncle Jiang, if he kept supporting me. It's fine," he added quickly when he saw Lan Zhan's face darkening. "Uncle Jiang gave me the trust fund he had for me, which wasn't little, I have a job and I get some aid from the government too. There's also granny's pension and everyone else is working. You don't have to worry, Lan Zhan, we get by."

Lan Zhan looked like he wanted to say something cutting, but luckily they were interrupted by Wen Ning joining them, a-Yuan in his arms. He was probably getting too big for that, but he knew first hand that Wen Ning could lift a full-sized adult without breaking a sweat so he wasn't very worried for either of them.

"Wei-ge, welcome home," Wen Ning greeted him. His eyes wandered to Lan Zhan for a brief moment, then to Wei Ying's hands which were still scraped. "Is everything alright?"

"More than!" Wei Ying ignored the look, grinning and watched a-Yuan beam at him. "Everything's perfect, look who I met in town! You remember Lan Zhan, right? He was in the same class with Wen Qing. Turns out he works here!"

Wei Ying managed to say all of that in one breath before he even realized he was doing it, yet consciously leaving out the bar and without bothering to detail exactly how the 'bumping' went down. Wen Ning took it all in, then gave Lan Zhan a polite smile, his dark eyes meeting Lan Zhan's squarely.

"I know of Lan-xianbei," he said slowly, cautiously polite, before his expression settled into a smile and he inclined his head in greeting. "We've never met officially."

There was a brief round of long overdue introductions, which Wei Ying was happy to ignore in favor of watching a-Yuan grow increasingly fascinated with Lan Zhan. It etched the lines around Wei Ying's smile deeper into his features, in a way he hasn't felt for a long time.

"A-Yuan." he couldn't help but pinch one of the chubby cheeks, after a little shifting of weight. "You keep looking at Lan Zhan like that, he'll think you like him."

"Pretty gege," was all a-Yuan had to say to that, a smile splitting his face, while Lan Zhan's ears turned red. Wei Ying laughed, alight with surprise that the one tell-tale sign of his shyness still remained. Lan Zhan was looking at a-Yuan with increasing curiosity, that pained line from earlier disappearing from his features, slowly replaced by wonder instead.

Wei Ying only looked away when he felt a tiny finger poke at his cheek, angling his head towards a-Yuan to listen to whatever secret his son wanted to share.

"Will pretty gege stay for dinner?" A-Yuan whispered through his hands, causing a complicated set of feelings to run through Wei Ying's chest.

"Sorry, sweetheart, but Lan-shushu can't stay." Wei Ying mock pouted at his son. "He has a flight to catch later."

"Why?" A-Yuan asked, as he did all the time.

"He has to visit his family," Wei Ying answered.

"Oh…" A-Yuan's face fell. There was no doubt in Wei Ying's mind had the answer been anything else, he would have kept asking, but if there was one word a-Yuan understood better than anyone, it was 'family'. It didn't mean he liked it. "But… But I heard! I heard that we will have a party tonight! I cleaned my room, and I did a picture for teacher, and helped granny bake! I was the bestest and uncle said I could stay up extra long tonight 'cause then baba would live forever!"

"I didn't say forever," Wen Ning corrected him timidly, but neither of them paid attention to him, the poor soul. A-Yuan only heard what he wanted to hear, and Wei Ying was too busy making sure his heart didn't burst. He still sometimes couldn't quite believe how much he loved this child.

"Me too." It came unexpectedly from beside him, and when Wei Ying turned to look he found Lan Zhan looking almost as surprised as he felt. "I mean, I also usually stay up longer on Chuxi."

A-Yuan's smile eclipsed the sun. Lan Zhan returned it with an expression so impossibly soft that Wei Ying's heart almost did burst then.

"Pretty gege can stay, and his family can come too, and I will draw everyone a picture!" A-Yuan all but vibrated with bare excitement that Wei Ying felt bad that he had to chide him.

"A-Yuan, do we tell people what they can and can't do, or do we ask?" He had picked the gentlest way possible, but his son still hid his face in his uncle's neck, utterly dejected.

To be fair, Lan Zhan looked rather stricken himself. It was adorable to watch and Wei Ying… Wei Ying knew that no matter whatever feelings he might be harboring, he only came as a set with his son. There was no possible way of heaping that responsibility on another person from the get go, on top of everything else, and yet. And yet. Lan Zhan was regarding a-Yuan with such fondness that it did strange things to Wei Ying's heart, and just like that courage bloomed in Wei Ying's chest.

"How about a compromise? Lan Zhan," he asked carefully. "You still have a few hours left until you have to be at the airport, don't you? Would you… Would you like to come inside?"

"Yes, yes, yes! Please, pretty gege, pretty please." A-Yuan loved the idea, immediately reaching his arms out in silent demand to be held. Wei Ying could only watch as Wen Ning oh so carefully leaned forward and tightened his hold so that a-Yuan could safely launch himself into Lan Zhan's open, waiting arms. He bet Lan Zhan hadn't even noticed how he held them out in a response that had seemed completely automatic.

"A-Yuan," Wei Ying reprimanded him gently, doing everything he could to ignore the adorable pout that pressed into Lan Zhan's shoulder. It was difficult to do with his heart singing like that.

"I would hate to intrude," Lan Zhan replied hesitantly, his eyes not leaving a-Yuan for a second and Wei Ying felt his heart constrict.

"I don't think anyone would mind," Wen Ning said, smiling gently.

"It won't be an issue, Lan Zhan, really." Their eyes met. "We still have a lot to… catch up on."

There was a spark that darkened Lan Zhan's eyes briefly, something heavy settling in the air between the two of them. Chance had brought Lan Zhan back into his life, and Wei Ying wanted to hold on. In any way he was allowed to. As long as he was allowed to.

"And you could meet… You could meet my family." Warmth spread deep in Wei Ying's chest as the word 'family' echoed in his mind, before he added in a whisper. "If you like."

"Wei Ying…" Finally, after what felt like an entire eternity, Lan Zhan spoke, the softest of smiles spreading on his face, gentle as the first rays of the sun on a misty morning. "I would very much love to meet your family."

"Great!" Wei Ying felt the smile split his face from one ear to another and amidst the cheers of his child that echoed the ones in his heart and started towards the door that Wen Ning held open for him. "Come on in then! Let's give everyone the shock of their life that I brought home such a handsome man!"

"Wei Ying…" It was spoken as a reprimand but it sounded like a chuckle.

"Hi, handsome! You're Lan Zhan, right? I've heard all about you!" Somewhere in his memory a cheerful voice greeted the most beautiful youth that there ever was. "I'm Wei Wuxian. I'll let you call me Wei Ying."

The door fell shut to the sound of Wei Ying's laugh.

#vedrividia #wangxianLNY21 #*LNYfic21 #*LNYgifts21

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noramoya · 4 years ago

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“Those just starting out with The Untamed may find themselves in a state of equal parts enamored and equal parts confused. For those that don’t know what we’re talking about, The Untamed is a Chinese fantasy and drama series adapted from the novel entitled Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation (Mo Dao Zu Shi) written by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu.

One’s instant captivation comes from the show’s beauty. The actors, the set, the costumes – it’s all just simply stunning to watch. For some though, at least initially, there are moments of head scratching confusion. For those unfamiliar with Chinese culture, or the source material might be overwhelmed by all the names, the subtitles, and the fantasy lore that exists. However, a lot of the initial confusion in the first two episodes centers around Mo Xuanyu (Xiao Zhan) & Wei Wuxian (also played by Xiao Zhan). Here’s why: Mo Xuanyu, as himself, never actually appears in the show. Wei Wuxian is resurrected in Mo Xuanyu’s body after viewers watch Wei Wuxian die in the opening scene.

This is confusing because when Wei Wuxian is resurrected in Mo Xuanyo’s body, the actor doesn’t change. Xiao Zhan, who viewers see plunge off a cliff to his death as Wei Wuxian, wakes up as Wei Wuxian in Mo Xuanyu’s body. It could potentially take those who are totally new to the story some time to work this out, as the clues surrounding this change are subtle. So if he never actually appears in the show as himself, why is this guy so important to grasping the plotline of the story? Come with us as we teach you everything you need to know about Mo Xuanyu.

• On The Photo Above, Wei WuXian and Jin GuangYao.

• On The Photo Above, Lan WangJi and Mo XuanYu (Wei WuXian, reencarnated).

WHO IS HE ?

Like Jin Guangyao (Zhu Zan Jin), Mo Xuanyu is one of Jin Guangshan’s (Shen Xiao Hai) illegitimate sons. While it isn’t made clear in the show, the source material states that Jin Guangshan broke off the affair with Mo Xuanyu’s mother when he was four years old.

As he grew up, he earned himself quite a reputation in the cultivation community as somewhat of a lunatic. He was known within the community to be outwardly homosexual & developed quite a fascination with demonic cultivation. His family treated him poorly over the years & he suffered much verbal & physical abuse. Eventually, Mo Xuanyu had a complete breakdown. Elements of this are suggested in the show, but his history is never explicitly outlined in such detail. Eventually, completely tired of the abuse from his family, Mo Xuanyu summons Wei Wuxian into his own body in exchange for enacting revenge on his family. We say exchange loosely here, as Wei Wuxian, who had been dead for the last 13 years, had absolutely no say in the resurrection whatsoever.

HIS APPEARANCE.

In the show, we never get to see Mo Xuanyu’s original face, or his body, so we’ll never really know what he looks like. However, in the source material, Wei Wuxian makes a comment in chapter two that he thinks Mo Xuanyu has a nice looking face.

There is one signature thing Mo Xuanyu did in the source material that did make it into the show, even though we never actually get to physically see it. In the source material, Mo Xuanyu would often paint his face white and rouge his cheeks with the intention of making himself appear ghostlike. This is part of the reason why people thought he was a lunatic. While Wei Wuxian never does this after he is resurrected in Mo Xuanyu’s body, several characters mention it around him and question why his face isn’t painted. These comments clearly pay homage to this aspect of Mo Xuanyu’s character in the novel. In the show, when Wei Wuxian wakes up in Mo Xuanyu’s body, there is a mask next to his bed. He uses the mask to disguise his true identity, and because the people around him thought he was relatively nuts, no one really questions this decision. It becomes his signature garment for most of the show.

THE PARALLELS .

Although not considered to be actually crazy, like Mo Xuanyu was, Wei Wuxian is considered to be somewhat rebellious and silly. During the time he spends at Cloud Recesses as a teenager he finds himself in trouble with the Lan clan leaders on multiple occasions. His own brother, Jiang Cheng, thinks of him as something of a clown and has a hard time taking him seriously, often. Some of his peers find this endearing, such as Nie Huasang (fix name), and others find it annoying, such as Lan Wangji (initially, at least).This could be seen as a parallel between the two characters because it seems that they were both naturally out of the ‘ordinary’. Neither of them ever seemed to fit the ‘perfect’ cultivator persona, possibly foreshadowing both of their downfalls from the get-go.

• On The Photo Above, Wei WuXian (re-encarnated in Mo XuanYu’s body) with one the Junior Cultivators from the Gusu-Lan Sect, Lan ZuShui ...

Additionally, in the source material, Mo Xuanyu developed quite a fascination with demonic cultivation. In the show, Wei Wuxian ends up on the same path. Although their intentions surrounding demonic cultivation could be argued as different, the fact remains that they both dabbled in it. It could be argued that Mo Xuanyu actually chose Wei Wuxian for the task of enacting revenge on his family because of these two glaringly obvious parallels between both their characters.

• Bellow, Mo XuanYu transition to Wei WuXian

The source material also reveals that both characters are of the gay persuasion. Wei Wuxian is clearly into Lan Wangji, while Mo Xuanyu, unfortunately, developed feelings for his half-brother. It is unclear if this played a factor in Mo Xuanyu’s choice for resurrecting Wei Wuxian, or not. Understanding the connections between these two characters is crucial to making it out of the first couple of episodes confusion-free. Did you watch and feel like you were missing something? We challenge you to go back now that you’re armed with this information and try it, again. Drop a comment and let us know if it makes a difference to your viewing experience! “

• On The Photo Bellow, Lan WangJi .

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dearestpartnerofgreatness · 5 years ago

Note

give me your top ten couples in the dramas you've watched and why they're so great

Okay this is gonna be super in depth + full of spoilers so details below the cut to spare y’all scrolling on your phones haha.

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

Chen Qing Qing x Situ Feng (Accidentally in Love, Cdrama) - I love both of these characters so much. Qing Qing is such a bad*ss, and Situ Feng is such a lovable dork. I love how well-matched they are in wit and humor. They are also the best example of enemies-to-friends-to-lovers I’ve seen on any drama so far. The way their bond developed was so natural. I also LOVE how obsessed they are with each other while also remaining independent. They are physically affectionate in a believable way that you don’t see often in dramas.

Nam See Hee x Yoon Ji Ho (Because This Is My First Life, Kdrama) - This couple is just so soft. They’re also so dang compatible--they genuinely enjoy each other’s company/habits and support each other without jealousy or drama. I appreciate how they subvert traditional drama stereotypes-- See Hee is blunt + honest without being mean, and Ji Ho prioritizes her work + friendships just as much as her relationship. Also, they have one of the most beautiful, sexy, realistic first kisses in any drama ever!!! THEY ACTUALLY MOVE THEIR LIPS AND EVERYTHING.

Woo Soo-Ji x Ma Sang-Goo (Because This Is My First Life, Kdrama) - What do we love more than a cool, confident, feminist heroine? A man who adores and supports a cool, confident, feminist heroine. Their scenes together range from sexy, to sweet, to tender, to comedic. Both actors bring so much depth and range to their individual characters, thereby creating what is one of the most interesting and shippable beta romances (imo).

Wang Qiang Wei x Wang Qiang Da (Lion Pride, Tdrama) - THESE TWO. The jokes, the eye contact, the mystery solving--everything about the way they interact is just so CUTE. The scene right after they’ve kissed and are hugging in the street (when Si De tries to prevent Tsiao Tie from seeing them) is just bursting with intimacy and affection. They strike the perfect balance between a youthful, innocent romance and a more domestic, mature romance.

Lian Si De x Tie Bu Fan (Lion Pride, Tdrama) - What I love most about these two is how similar they are. On the outside, they’re confident, stars of their workplaces, and popular in the dating world. But at their core, they are loyal, selfless, hard on themselves when they make mistakes, and the two best friends anyone could have. Watching them fall for each other amongst the crazy circumstances of the mystery plotline endeared them to me so much. Also, that scene with the umbrella is A+ ROMANCE. Still mad they never got to kiss.

Pi Yanuo x Du Zifeng (Bromance, Tdrama) - If you want a couple with red-hot passion, you don’t need to look further than these two. The sexual tension between them had me screaming “JUST KISS!” at my TV practically every episode. Beyond that, the level of trust + loyalty was beautiful--they really were equal partners in the relationship. Also, I LOVE that the show explicitly stated that Du Zifeng’s attraction for Yanuo went beyond her gender, and he would love her the same no matter how she identified. (Also, that final scene in the hotel hallway is, to this day, the hottest scene I’ve ever witnessed in a drama.)

Liao Guang Chao x Zi Han (Bromance, Tdrama) - At first, this couple felt more like a “pair the spares” situation for me. But the more time they spent together, the more I appreciated the humor of their moments. By the show’s end, I fell in love with how they bring out the best in one another + help each other grow. A-Chao challenges Zi Han to rethink her assumptions, manage her temper, and be less selfish. Zi Han emboldens A-Chao and inspires him to be more hard-working, brave, and determined. The actors are also comedic gold individually and as a pair, so that helps them slip into the top 10.

Lu Yang x Lin Jingxiao (A Love So Beautiful, Cdrama) - These two were the real otp of ALSB, lemma tell ya. First of all, Jingxiao’s super cool: feisty, intelligent, and ambitious, but also a little too aggressive sometimes. Lu Yang’s obvious adoration of her, as well as his charming, loyal, humorous, and slightly scaredy-cat personality, made them such a fun and lively pair. I also appreciated their “you exasperate me but also I would die for you” dynamic and how that continued after they became official--I can’t stand when a drama has a couple get together and then changes one of their personalities to hide the fact that they just wouldn’t work (*cough* *cough* like they did with the main couple for this show).

Oh Dong-baek x Hwang Yong-sik (When the Camellia Blooms, Kdrama) - I am 100% on board with this pair!!! I ADORE their honesty and communication. So many dramas are exasperating bc their leads constantly misunderstand each other or can’t explain what they want, but not these angels! They excel at compromising to suit the other’s needs/wants and find ways to show love through meaningful actions. The level of care and nurturing is so lovely. Also, the actors have amazing chemistry--they genuinely look so happy together! (Where can I get me a Yong-sik???)

Fei Fei x Wen Li (Well-Intended Love 2, Cdrama) - The only thing that got me through season 1 of this show, tbh. I will say that I liked the development of their relationship in season 2 a lot more. Unlike a lot of other couples, the awkward moments in their relationship came off as comedic rather than cringey. Their meet-cute at the bar and the scene where Wen Li cleans Fei Fei’s house while she sleeps showed how sweet and genuine their connection was. I’m glad they gave them that shift where Fei Fei realized she had to go after him and put her all in the relationship too--Wen Li was such an angel, so I'm glad he got to be the one who was romanced after spending so much time romancing her.

LET IT BE KNOWN that I wanted to include Ji Jia Wei x Xiao Tong from the Tdrama Murphy’s Law of Love on this list, because Jia Wei is my favorite male lead of all the dramas I’ve watched so far. Unfortunately, the consistent wishy-washy-ness of Xiao Tong prevents me from doing so. I still can’t get over how she constantly misinterpreted what was happening in their relationship and refused to communicate DESPITE LITERALLY BEING A DATING EXPERT.

Also honorable mention to Cha Soo-hyun x Park Hae-young (Signal, Kdrama) because although they aren’t a canon couple, they clearly have intense chemistry considering how much they invade each other’s space, and their intense emotional connection coupled with what a dream team they are as crime-solvers just gets me, y’know? If the season 2 rumors are true, I’ve got my fingers crossed for them to go canon!!

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rigelmejo · 4 years ago

Text

April Progress Update, and May Goals:

*bear with me this is gonna get long.

I’m going to first just look at April goals and see if I did them, then afterward summarize everything I did this month (cause it was a lot more than I planned ToT)

Chinese study plan from April:

1. Read anything

Well, I did read. However my goal to read hanshe to chapter 80 and Zhenhun to the end of the sundial arc never happened. I did read a lot though. I ended up focusing mainly on extensive reading.

Chinese chapters read: 62 (I counted graded readers/小王子 as 1 chapter for every two that I read, but this number is probably still inflated... compared to my normal 20-pleco page chapters I probably read 31-40 of those-kind-of-chapters length wise).

Chinese stories finished: 4 (Pleco Graded Reader Butterfly Lovers, Chinese Short Stories, Mandarin Companion Journey to the Center of the Earth, 小王子 - you can tell this is where my attention went this month).

Chinese Listening Reading Method chapters done: 14.5 (4.5 Silent Reading, 2 Chapters of A History of Humankind, 1 chapter hp, 1 chapter Alice in Wonderland, iffy but like 3 chapters 小王子, iffy but like 4 chapters of the Xiao Mao cat story - I should note that for Silent Reading, 小王子, Xiao Mao I only looked at the chinese mostly so more step 2, and for the others I did step 3 as recommended). Also I realize... I should probably count this with hours instead of chapters, because hours are where the original poster about LR mentioned when milestones are hit. However, being realistic, I do not do things in hour segments so I’m not sure any tracking will be as easy as this way...

A cool thing potentially about L R Method? I found some resources recently that will make this a lot easier (Bidiread is a site that can make parallel texts for you, which made silent reading MUCH easier since the audio doesn’t perfectly match so you NEED to see the chinese even if only doing step 3, to make sure you can keep track of where you are in the text when the audio skips paragraphs). I also found Francais Par Le Methode Nature as videos on youtube with audio and the text visible (is that not simply L R method step 2 but its all comprehensible, i love that book). And I found a few files on youtube of audiobooks with english audio and chinese/english parallel text on screen (a bit backwards in process but i’m curious to test it), one youtube channel who does chinese audio with parallel texts on screen (phenomenal!), and I remembered the site bilinguis exists which is excellent for French if you wanna try L R Method (it has a few french audios with the parallel texts). Also in the case of A History of Humankind - the audiobook for once is very closely synced to the actual chapter start/ends, so it was just easier to do L R Method with.

2. Listen to Chinese Spoonfed Audio, shadowing when I can

YES I did this! I was on 11 last month, now I’m on 15. (so 4 audio this month) Yes I realize that wasn’t a lot of improvement T-T. What can I say I am not very good at being disciplined. However I did learn something interesting this month ABOUT listening to these so I think I might do it more - I listened to some in the background while playing games, then later listened to them again (also why I only got through 4 - I was replaying audios maybe 2 times). And when I listened the second time I could understand nearly all, whereas obviously when playing my game I only caught parts of it. So I suppose what this showed me is partially listening and partially focusing still may have some benefit in helping to learn the info - and well obviously its easier to make time to play audio when u don’t need to focus 100% on it.

I also did some other misc listening to random stuff without any plan: 6? audio 1 of DeFrancis Beginner Chinese Reader, 1 audio of FSI Chinese, 2 condensed audios of Guardian (which was so cool?? also so cool i can follow along so well now??), 1 dracula chapter audio (don’t even ask i don’t know either), tian ya ke audio drama ep 1.

Chinese show episodes watched: 28 (You can see here is where my time went listening wise lol - Two Souls in One is GOOD u might wanna check it out, is all I’m saying, especially if the taiwan drama Bromance was ur thing, or the anime Ouran Host Club, or even Bureau of Transformer to a degree. I watched up to ep 25 and once its all aired to the finale I’m gonna finish it.

Optional going through my hanzi book: I burned out on this, but it was a good use of my time when I felt like writing. I only wrote/studied maybe 30 hanzi, and maybe 50 hanzi+radicals in my Radical-Specific hanzi book. If I continue, I think my goal will be to just continue the Radical-book to completion. Realistically, longer term, I need to go through the freaking Alan Hoenig’s Chinese Character’s book just to get the hanzi and their rough meaning to stick in my head (and learn the pronunciations through well context and vocab how I normally do). Right now I just learn through reading, but its an issue of sometimes I just end up associating one hanzi with the new word I learned but then as soon as I see it in a new word I don’t even remember having seen it before. If I paid a bit more attention to distinguishing I might notice when I’ve seen them before or they’re new, and have more starting info to relate to the character to attach the word info onto. (its a convoluted way of me saying if I have things to connect to each other I remember better even if it makes little sense to connect them - if I know car and pet, carpet’s easier to remember even though it has nothing to do with cars, cry in french ‘pleurer’ was easier to remember once my brain thought ‘plume of tears’ even though that makes no sense. i just remember things better than seeing pleurer and having no idea what to attach it to at all - even if i heard it means cry, if i don’t have a thing to associate it with i’ll forget easier. or melancholy - i had to associate it with melons, and cholly - reminds me of words for sickness so heavy-sick +sad is how i started finally remembering that word cause wow did i look it up over and over as a kid).

---

Japanese study plan from April:

1. continue through nukemarine’s memrise courses.

Okay I did do this!! Congrats! In March I had completed LLJ 3 - Kanji, 289/318 finished in LLJ 4 Tae Kim part 1. As of April, I have completed: LLJ 4 Part 1, LLJ 4 Part 2 51/365, LLJ 5 Core Vocabulary 420/1020. So yeah! Going quite well, in that I consistently did it - I realized for me the best time to do it is playing video games oddly enough, or watching youtube - just do it in between areas, or ep scenes/videos, as a short 5-10 minute break. Since I like taking breaks from things anyway. Like audio, its hard for me to find ways to get myself to do stuff like this (except worse cause I don’t vibe with flashcards).

My goal for May will probably be finish LLJ 4 Part 2, LLJ 5, and start LLJ 6? I can dream right...

Also, a cool note: I found audio-flashcard files that people made of the Japanese Core 2k vocabulary deck and sentences, with english-japanese audio. (If anyone wants a link just let me know). So now if I DO eventually get burned out on flashcards, I could switch to using those. They would work about as well as the Chinese Spoonfed Audio files I have (which work extremely well for me - audio flashcards I just listen to are so much more suited to how I study lol). However, I’d like to stick with Nukemarine’s decks as long as possible while I can focus - they cover grammar explicitly which helps me a lot, and the reading practice COMBINED with constant audio really helps me learn the readings of words. Which is something I need for japanese a LOT more than chinese.

2. continue reading Tae Kim’s grammar guide

Ahahahahaaa hahaaa... did not do it. Nope.

What I did do that was grammar related:

Watched Cure Dolly lessons 1-5 (and will probably watch more as I seem to click well with those explanations)

Read 24 pages of Japanese in 30 Hours while transcribing actual japanese into it (and will probably continue to read it, its so short I should just DO IT in a couple days, it also fulfilled my desire to write stuff)

JapaneseAudioLessons.com - read the wa vs ga explanation, reading the portable japanese grammar notes document right now (its 11 pages I’ll finish it today). I’ve said it before but i really LOVE this resource, and they have so much for free. I absolutely recommend if a beginner wants Pimsleur or Michael Thomas or some other paid resource etc, to just go to this site, download their full lesson grammar guide (its like 311 pages like a real textbook) and go through all their free audio lessons. You will cover a lot of ground (more than Pimsleur or Michael Thomas), and all for free. In addition, I’ve bought some of their kanji teaching books and they’re overall my favorite for remembering kanji specifically (yes more than Heisig’s RTK by far, and more than KKLC - although the Kodanshi book is a good reference to have around). I’m not kidding at all when I say just try this site’s free resources if you’re trying to use free stuff, its the closest I’ve found to an audio only teaching method, or an audio/textbook-like combo, that’s this much stuff and free. (For non free, I actually liked Genki if you do everything in it).

Other misc things done in japanese:

Watched Dracula the Musical in japanese with no subs. It was super hard, but also not so hard. It changed my life. 1000/10 would recommend watching it if you even remotely like dracula OR vampires - featuring a lesbian Dracula/Mina, and more importantly a story change about who kills Dracula, and Dracula and Mina’s agency and choice being the driving force of the ending. These story changes I LOVE and I now want them in more adaptations moving forward, its what I always craved of the ending of Dracula and never got - Dracula as a person (not monster), Mina as a person (not prey), and their choices influencing how the story ends and by whom (versus Van Helsing/the establishment symbol regaining control through annihilation of the ‘threat’ to that norm). Also it gave me a new interest in Japanese plays which is cool. I did not expect to love them this much! Also gave me a boost in japanese confidence, in that I no longer feel as “scared” to try immersing in japanese or in some kinds of content that seemed ‘harder’ - and that was a big hurdle I was too afraid to do, in the past when I studied.

Watched a few more lets plays (lets guess maybe 3-5 sections of 20 minutes?). Persona 2 innocent sin (cool to see me follow along despite not knowing the game), Final Fantasy IX (this one I saved, and could definitely pick up words from since I know some of the story and the lets player read everything - I should look up FFX), random stuff.

Tried to play some games in japanese! I’m going to go with this was about 3 hours. I tried crisis core’s opening to the first save point - it was playable (I can read most of the menus), and I can follow enough text to get the overall gist - however it was draining as so much is text only (I FORGOT how much reading is in this game). Great for reading practice I suppose. Also great in that it definitely reset my expectations about what is ‘doable’ for me - however I do think KH2 is probably still the easiest game i should start trying games with (since I have so many of the controls/menu memorized and can waste less time re-reading the tutorials), and since I know so many words by memory I’ll be able to focus more on grammar (whereas in CC I was glancing through kanji trying to keep up with the live action scenes). A bit too much reading for me to tackle again for a while, it was draining lol. Then I tried persona 3 for psp - first, i like the ps2/ps3 version better ToT. Second, also somehow I could read enough to survive - but the reading again took time, a lot isn’t voiced, and there are not frequent save points. So again I just played to the first save point. That one I may try again before CC though, because a lot more of the language is daily life stuff I could glance through and speed-read-guess lol, or could actually use if I learned it. Also occassionally p3 reads out loud which is nice. I suspect the Visual Novel I got will actually be best for practice (despite me not knowing the plot at all), because I’m guessing more of the lines will be voiced. All this reading would help me more if I could hear it voiced - and I may want to watch more Lets Plays, and Audiobooks on youtube, mainly for that fact: subtitles that i can read WITH audio so i can practice listening and reading together.

Tried reading a bit! First, some mangas I had (though I only read a page of each) - mainly it was just nice to see mangas are more accessible now. they’re about as readable to me rn as manhua were in chinese at 6-8 months in. I can just about follow the main gist, more if I use a dictionary for details. Also thanks to @yue-muffin telling me, learned I can look up words on iphone in the web browser just by highlighting words and clicking “look up.” Life changing. That in combination with me finding some japanese scripts of Final Fantasy games online (and I’ve always been curious what localizations changed), and this has been a little reading I found myself doing just because i felt like it. I didn’t read much - the equivalent of several dialogue boxes (the games i played made me read a LOT more lol). but I liked that i could see their kana when i looked them up, sound the sentences out to myself, contemplate them (so intensive read). Also if you have Speech tools enabled on your phone, you can swipe down with 2 fingers and it will read the page aloud - I used to do that a little with chinese on dual chinese-englist mtlnovel pages since it WILL read both, but Pleco reads chinese better so unless i’m only-listening i switched to pleco for that. But for these scripts it works great! (occasionally it will read all-kanji titles like chinese though lol - not once its into japanese sentences though). I thought it was really cool I could basically emulate what I do in Pleco for chinese, in a normal web browser for Japanese. (Also, for websites, Idiom app seems to work ok for reading Aloud as well - possibly better - but ios iphone “Look up” dictionaries are MUCH better than Idiom app’s).

In summary basically I surprisingly enjoyed reading and might keep trying to do it just because its interesting. However in general, first: I really want 2k words done in Nukemarine’s LLJ courses (LLJ 7 would put me at 1k common words, LLJ 12 would put me at 2k so...), and I’d really like a better grammar foundation (Cure Dolly, or japanese audio lessons grammar, Nukemarine LLJ also obviously fits that task with the grammar portions, really anything). While I want to play games, again I just really realize... how much easier my life will be with a better basis of knowledge first lol. Reading I can do in bite size if I want, but playing games is Draining in between saves right now lol. While i CAN do it right now, unless its a game i really can tune out with (like KH2 maybe) then its just too intensive right now for me to tolerate too much of.

Also, again, I think doing Nukemarine’s LLJ decks as breaks while playing games/watching stuff is working great, going to keep doing that. And listening to audio flashcard files while I have dead time (like level grinding). I have been listening to the Chinese Spoonfed audio, but other options could be: the english-japanese Core 2k audio files, the Japanese Audio Lessons files (which once years ago I’d listen to while excerising). For now I’ve focused on Chinese Spoonfed audio because I know I need to FINISH something before jumping to something else lol.

---

French stuff I did in April:

Listened to 6 chapters of Francais Par Le Methode Nature (and read some of them - oh i missed this book its my fave way to learn and it finally has audio!!)

listened to some bits of audiobooks (i don’t even know why, i don’t know - dracula, frankenstein, carmilla, sherlock)

read a little of Le Petit Prince (idk 3 chapters? browsing my book after finishing in chinese and... ok my heart is still a bit ;-; ... i’m gonna need to recover from this story...)

read a bit of dracula (again... idk why... also it was kind of a L R Method step 2 attempt in that I listened to audio too, but really I mainly just... read)

L R Method: 2 Chapters of Alice in Wonderland (step 2, because I have not tried step 3 yet).

What is funny as hell to me is both how many words I look up when I contemplate intensive reading (again life changed by the fact i can just highlight words and click “word lookup” on my phone). But also how I already... know I can thoroughly read without doing it. Like... yes I can look up a word I fuzzy-know to get clarification, but even my phone auto-gives me french-french dictionary first and sometimes only (is it because my google is in french), i’ve been used to french definitions only for years.. and also like... i know when i read a whole paragraph i get whatever words were fuzzy before? just read some of dracula again today and its fine. its fine. again informational texts are easier for me - but dracula being a lot of letters ‘describing what happened’ suits me quite easily (and somehow manages to be less annoying to me than the english version). like... alice in wonderland was probably the harder for all the quick adjectives/verbs used in just one or two paragraphs when i was still re-remembering vocabulary i used to know lol. Like... in a dream world i’d love to test L R Method and see HOW MUCH it can teach a person. But like... while french would be the easiest to test it with? I kind of realize i’m also at a point in french where i have more benefit just continuing to read in french and listen in french (to fix my poor listening skills). referencing the english is not really... particularly necessary, it just usually slows me down. while i’m missing a LOT of words for fluent speaking/grammatically ok speaking - i don’t think listening reading method would really help me with that, since reading sure hasn’t. if any readng material might it’s francais par le methode nature just because it drills simple correct grammar construction, and reinforces it, and teaches grammar through context. but all my other reading materials... are more comprehension...

Anyway in SUMMARY wow i did a lot more than i expected this month!

---

Next months goals!

Chinese May Goals:

***Read anything. Great plan, has been working great. Ideally I would like to: finish Xiao Mao book one, and then either continue another Xiao Mao novel or start one of the other stories rated 2+ ease. I am considering 许三观卖血记 because its about as easy as the little prince, I’ve read an excerpt and its historical fiction so generally practical. Or 流星·蝴蝶·剑 by Gu Long if I want to work on a base in wuxia words from an easier novel. Or 他们的故事 by 一根黄瓜丝儿 if I’m ready to return to it - although this one is longer (the other stories being more like 12-20 chapters) so I’d prefer to save this for later. For any of these - look words up as desired since I’ll read them in Pleco. Ideally as my ‘harder’ reading I would like to either continue hanshe (intensive reading), or continue guardian (extensive reading) - so its a matter of if I want to look words up.

***Continue listening to Chinese Spoonfed Audio (please can i Finish it please ;-;)

Optional: experiment with Listening Reading Method. With the finding of those videos on youtube, I’d like to make my life literally as easy and streamlined as possible and literally just TEST L R Method by doing it with a few of the videos I found. It literally cannot get easier than premade videos with audio.

Other optional: listen to misc audio (I would love the time to watch the tian ya ke audiodrama WITH its subtitles then listen without again), watch shows, read Alan Hoenig’s Chinese Characters (i doubt this will happen), do some of my Radical-hanzi book.

Japanese May Goals:

***Continue: Nukemarine’s LLJ courses - ideally finish LLJ 4 Part 2, LLJ 5, and start LLJ 6. (this truly can be basically my only study method if I can’t do more). THIS IS THE PRIORITY. The quicker I get ALL of this done, the more of a foundation I will have to do Anything else.

Hopefully: Continue some kind of grammar explanation beyond Nukemarine’s stuff - either Tae Kim (unlikely but i was at chapter 10 before), Cure Dolly (i’m on 6), Japanese Audio Lessons Grammar, Japanese in 30 Hours while writing japanese in (I’m on page 24). Again this is a higher priority as it will make anything else easier.

Optional: Reading in any form - so video game time, lets plays, audiobook youtube with captions, actual reading as desired (like scripts). Including this because I know I will eventually try again lol.

Optional: listening in any form - so another musical! maybe listen to japanese audio lessons, or the core 2k audio, or a lets play, etc. I find I’m probably less likely to listen to something but it might happen!

French May Goals*:

*aka if I feel like doing it because french has no real goals at the moment! -3-)/

***Continue watching Le Francais Par Le Methode Nature videos. (There’s only 33, they’re like 10 minutes long or less, its about basics, PLEASE). I remember this book took forever to read 1/3 of when i was an upper beginner, well now surely its less slow going? especially because read aloud its as fast as the speakers voice! so it is not time consuming and i’ve wanted to finish this book forever! i could at least finish it up to where the audio files match to!

Read???? Read??? Honestly I’ve just been wanting to read Dracula and Carmilla in French its a vibe I’ve been in. Its not high priority or anything but hey it might happen. If it does happen, ideally I’d like to listen to an audiobook too around the same time (maybe after, or have the page read, idk). Just because while reading refreshes my vocab, what I really want to build up is listening/pronunciation. To get to a point where I can listen and shadow would be nice.

Tied to above, try L R Method? Not a high priority, though it would be super easy to test! Just because I already started testing it with Alice in Wonderland... but that basically amounts to just reading practice with audio again, for me.

I found Merlin in french so THAT is a thing.

Honestly the only thing I really want to do ‘study’ wise in french is finish that freaking book, especially now that I can listen to audio with it. It’s a nice foundation and I’d really like a refresher/fill in any big gaps in my learning. Anything else about french written here is mostly a reminder to myself to LISTEN to audio when possible, and try and improve that skill a bit if I go and read.

---

Real fast CORE SUMMARY:

Chinese: READ easier stories rated 2+ and keep getting through some, in combination with reading the harder hanshe and Guardian. Also listen to Chinese Spoonfed audio whenever u remember! Attempt some L-R method with the youtube videos you found. Immerse as desired.

Japanese: continue Nukemarine LLJ courses. Also do some grammar study somewhere, and immerse as desired.

French: listen/listen-read to Francais Par Le Methode Nature. Also read/listen as desired - ideally combining the activities.

*in all cases, where possible, combine listening-reading or try to practice both skills. (So reading in Pleco - play audio afterward to practice, play Guardian condensed audio in down time, with audiodramas follow subs when possible, when immersing with anything try L-R like strategies to add practice with both skills).

#rant #april progress #april goals #may study plan #study plan #may goals #may #what i learned from this is... i have no fucking structure guys #im a mess i just do Whatever #only thing close to ANY structure is that with chinese im fairly consistent about reading #someone help me come up with a cleaner study plan?#or is the fact just that this is Just how i study???#do i just need to bounce and do random stuff?

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brin-guivera · 5 years ago

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I have made no secret of the fact that I have become obsessed with The Untamed (if you have seen any of my recent posts you will see how often I manage to bring it up even when it has no relation to the content of the post!)

the untamed

Based on a Chinese BL (boys’ love) web novel by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu called Mo Dao Zu Shi (roughly translated to Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation / Founder of Diabolism) has become a bit of a global phenomenon since it aired last summer. I was slightly late to the party (I didn’t start watching it until November after it became available on Netflix) but I have more than made up for it since!

I have re-watched the whole series (all 50 episodes!) twice now, plus the Special Edition (which is basically 50 episodes compressed into 20 episodes for international audiences, with more of a focus on the Wei Wuxian / Lan Wangji relationship that was more subtly portrayed in the 50 episode run, down to having to be mindful of Chinese censorship).

Along with the novel and the live-action series, there is also donghua series (an animated version), a manhua (comic book) adaptation, an audio drama adaption and two spin-off movies from the live-action series (one of which The Living Dead has already aired in 2019, the other Fatal Journey is due to release next week).

The series is absolutely fantastic and has completely taken over my life so I thought it was about time I posted a review!

the story

Wei Wuxian, also known as the Yiling Patriarch, is a person who is feared and despised by almost everyone. As a powerful and deadly cultivator, he became known for his abject cruelty and power, causing the deaths of thousands. He was only stopped when he was killed by Jiang Cheng, once almost as close as a brother to him.

However, the truth isn’t quite as simple as the legend makes out. Was Wei Wuxian really the villain he was made out to be? When he is resurrected following a spell by a mentally unstable young man called Mo Xuanyu (who offers his own body in exchange for Wei Wuxian exacting revenge on those who had wronged him), it is unclear what his motivations will be. Will he seek vengeance against those who had once wronged him?

One person who is happy to see Wei Wuxian is Lan Wangji, an upright young man whose heroics have cultivated legends of his own. The two have a shared history and bond that has surprised all who have known them. Can they both clear Wei Wuxian’s name and find out once and for all who has actually been the mastermind behind all of the unfortunate events that have befallen the cultivator world?

the review

Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo star as Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji respectively. Both are mesmerising in their roles and I cannot think of anyone more perfectly suited. Xiao Zhan imbues Wei Wuxian with a carefree spirit and boyish charm, completely at odds with the widespread belief that Wei Wuxian is someone to be feared and hated. Wang Yibo is a revelation as the stoic and unemotional Lan Wangji. His ability to convey how he is feeling in tiny micro-expressions is utterly enthralling.

Both actors are compelling to watch and really give life to their characters. The chemistry between them is off the charts. Although nothing can be explicitly depicted due to censorship, it is clear that these two characters are deeply in love. Filled with lots of longing looks, and artful yet powerful interactions, their bond is clear to see for anyone who is looking but sub-textual enough to skirt pass the censors! It’s a masterclass in subtlety.

The cast of supporting characters are fantastic too! Wang Zhuocheng and Xuan Lu are brilliant as Wei Wuxian’s adoptive siblings Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli. Wang Zhuocheng has the daunting task of making the hot-headed and stubborn Jiang Cheng likable and manages to succeed whilst bringing a vulnerability to the character too. Yanli is an amazing big sister to Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng – supportive and loving, caring and emotionally reassuring. She proves that strength doesn’t always lie in being physically powerful.

I also really loved Ji Li as the seemingly incompetent and weak Nie Huaisang and Liu Haikuan as Lan Xichen, Lan Wangji’s serene and kind elder brother. I would also be remiss not to mention Meng Ziyi as Wen Qing and Yu Bin as Wen Ning – the cutest siblings that ever lived! And of course, I cannot forget Zhu Zanjin as Jin Guangyao – the sly and smooth manipulator that also manages to be completely sympathetic at the same time. Also, all of the Juniors – love them all!! Not to mention Xiao Xingchen, Song Lan, and Xue Yang… the whole cast is outstanding and there are too many for me to keep singling out standouts.

The story is initially confusing for the first two episodes but please stick with it because it gets so good! The first couple of episodes are set after Wei Wuxian is resurrected but then episode 3 flashes back to the past and shows how he ended up becoming (unfairly) the most feared person in the cultivation world.

It depicts his first meeting with the moral and strict Lan Wangji and how these two ended up defying all expectations and becoming soulmates. How they were torn apart again and again, until Wei Wuxian’s untimely demise. This is a story about second chances and overcoming huge obstacles. It’s about friendship and family. Love and sacrifice. It is such a moving story with plenty of action but lots of character moments. The relationships between the characters propels the story and although there is a lot of plot going on, it is at heart a character-driven narrative (my favourite kind!)

to sum up

If you haven’t watched this series yet, I urge you to please, please, please check it out! It is just too amazing not to share with everyone. It might just be my favourite series in recent years, maybe of all-time, along with Deep Space Nine (my other top favourite). The acting is amazing, the story is moving and you have a love story that manages to be so powerful without ever actually being explicit. It is all the sweeter and intense for being subtle in its depiction. Wangxian 4eva!!!

It will tear your heart to shreds but then mend it again. It will make you lose your mind but then turn around and give you hope again. It is just so good. It is not without its flaws, some of the special effects look a bit cheesy at times, but it is easy to overlook in the grand scheme of things.

some additional thoughts and musings

I cannot believe how well Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo became their characters – it’s actually quite funny when you see behind the scenes videos of the two of them. They are clearly very close in real life but their personalities are complete opposites – Xiao Zhan seems more zen and peaceful and Wang Yibo is a chaotic little gremlin (I adore him!)

There is so much other content for this series – I am planning on reading the translated novel soon but I am also going to check out everything else along with the author’s other works… will keep me busy for years to come!

Merch for days – I can’t seem to stop buying Untamed-themed merch (check out my STS posts – they are chock full of the merch I have bought week to week!) I am seriously obsessed…

I also have an urge to watch everything Wang Yibo and Xiao Zhan have ever been in (along with the rest of my favourites from the cast) and have been listening to the soundtrack religiously (as well as the individual music the cast have put out whether solo or as part of groups – what a talented cast this is!)

My Twitter feed seems to be less about books these days and more about The Untamed haha!

I might just be crushing slightly on Wang Yibo (and also Xiao Zhan) despite being way older than them both – I feel like a cougar but just look how pretty… 😂

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drama-tically · 4 years ago

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《有翡》 - 谢允

[Xie Yun from Legend of Fei]

I guess I’m back on track?! I really don’t know what happened with the Huai Ji portrait, why it turned out so bad but I’m glad this one turned out decent. That’s proof that I really am improving and that the portrait I made of Puteri was not a one time fluke, right? I hope so. I needed more practice with hair so I chose this photo. The hair turned out kinda ugly but not too ugly but still kinda ugly. I don’t know. But I obviously need more practice. Also, I’m not really a fan of gradients which is why i didn’t use any in my last 2 portraits but I used some in this one because I felt like without the gradient is stood out a bit too much and wasn’t looking as nice. So I used the gradients and I think it looks a bit more natural now.

Now about this drama….where do I even start? Okay I’ll just get straight to the point. I hate it. This drama was just really frustrating to watch, and was just extremely boring. It was a chore to watch. I was seriously considering dropping it (something that never happens) when I got to episode 17 but then I eventually decided to push through because people kept saying it’ll get better. (Also because I have a chronic disease of not being able to drop shows no matter how bad it is). Obviously, it didn’t get any better.

I don’t really have a problem with the acting although as someone who watched this drama because of Zhao Li Ying, I have to say her acting in this one just isn’t on par with her own normal standard. The biggest problem I have with this drama is the terrible storytelling. I literally don’t even know what is going on half the time and I wasn’t even sure what the main story line was until like halfway through the drama. That’s when I realized it was probably just about all the martial artists trying to find Hai Tian Yi Se. The frustrating thing is they don’t even explain to you what HTYS is and you literally only find out in the second last episode in what felt like a really anti-climatic scene. And even the characters don’t know what HTYS is, which made it even more frustrating. Like, why are you chasing after something that could possibly turn out to be a myth? Was the entire thing meant to make viewers more curious and drawn to find out more?? Cause all it did was frustrate me. It just reminded me of

1) 《小女花不弃》/ I Will Never Let You Go. In that drama they kept going on and on about Bi Luo Tian but never really explicitly explained in detail what Bi Luo Tian really was. At least in that drama, the characters seemed to know and understand what it was, and they knew what they were looking for. Also, it had a much more coherent story line. But with LOF, the characters don’t even know what the hell HTYS is!! And the tokens! They never really explicitly mentioned what the 5 tokens are. I’ve finished the drama but I still don’t know what they are. There’s Chu Chu’s lock, Yin Pei’s sheath….the water ripple token? (whatever the hell that is) I don’t know what the other 2 are supposed to be :/

2) Princess Agents. In that drama we find out that Chu Qiao lost her memories. And when does she finally learn about her past? In the second last episode. By then, did it even matter anymore?? No, because it was too late for it to have been able to create much impact or meaning, rendering the whole forgetting her memory thing kinda….useless and meaningless. Not to mention, it led to a really rushed ending…if you could even call it an ending. Similarly, as frustrating as it was not knowing what HTYS is, by the time I got to the last couple of episodes I was barely interested anymore. I wasn’t even excited for the ending. And I’m ALWAYS excited for guzhuang ju endings. I always look forward to endings of costume cdramas, I be rubbing my hands in anticipation like “who’s gonna die! who’s gonna die!”, getting ready to cry buckets. But with this, I literally couldn’t even be bothered. The lack of excitement for the ending was unreal. I didn’t feel any emotions at the ending other than huge relief that I was finally done with this terrible show. The difference was, despite this flaw, I still very much enjoyed Princess Agents but LOF? bye.

Of course, all those stuff are not the only reason why I hated this drama. The characters in this drama are just so unbelievably stupid my brain can’t handle it anymore. Literally all the characters apart from Zhou Fei and Xie Yun are freaking dumb. And they (including Zhou Fei and Xie Yun) always do stupid stuff including stopping in the middle of the escape to start chatting! what the hell? Who does that? And they literally do all the work for the bad guys?? There are a bunch of other stupid stuff and lots of other things that frustrated me but I’m too tired to continue ranting because I feel like that’s all I’ve been doing lately. And I think it’s about time I finally get rid of this drama from my life once and for all (although that’s hard to do because now every time I go on this blog I’ll see Xie Yun’s face :/)

I’ve just been so disappointed with guzhuang jus lately. Since the second half of last year, all the guzhuangjus I watched were huge disappointments. They were all so bad. I was already trudging through Legend of Xiao Chuo and not really enjoying it despite looking forward to that drama. And immediately after finishing that, I jumped straight to Legend of Fei thinking Zhao Li Ying’s drama is gonna be good. But it turned to be another (bigger) disappointment. (thinking back about it now, LOF is so bad, it makes Legend of Xiao Chuo seem like 10/10 drama) ugh. All these disappointments and unbelievably bad dramas is enough to make me take an indefinitely long break from guzhuangs. I can’t believe I’m saying this because guzhuangs are literally my fav. But I’ve had enough I need to stop and take a break now because if not I think I’ll literally go crazy.

// 10 February 2021

#legend of fei #wang yi bo #xie yun #《有翡》#有翡 #谢允 #王一博 #vector portrait #vector #mine

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bottomlwjrights · 5 years ago

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MO DAO ZU SHI REREAD:Thoughts™️....and Stuff

Chapter 37

Ljy volunteers to use his blood to summon more mannequins, after which a bunch of juniors start to volunteer theirs

Wwx is SO fucking cool....

Xy giving wwx advice while acting like xxc makes me sick, thanks

I hate how good he is at acting like xxc, he has wwx completely convinced

“Jin Ling laughed at him without holding back at all. Even Lan SiZhui couldn’t stop himself from bursting with a “pfft”. Speechless, Wei WuXian turned to look at them, and Lan SiZhui put on a straight face at once.” Jsnck i love lsz

God i feel so bad about sl and xxc, A-Qing too

“As the cultivator heard the sound, despite how his figure reeled and his hands trembled, he still attacked at Wei WuXian!He couldn’t be controlled. This corpse had a master!” This is still so chilling

...wwx rewarded the nether brawlers by giving them his blood

“On the cultivator’s left chest, near his heart, there was a similar tearing, a similar thin, narrow wound. It seemed as if he died with a stab through the heart.” I fucking hate xue yang ☺️

“Wei WuXian pinched his cheeks and forced him to open his mouth. Inside, his tongue had also been pulled out from the root.” Hate him so much ☺️☺️☺️

Was lsz the only one to raise his hand from the lan clan? Is he the only one of the juniors that knew inquiry? Im asking for... yanno... reasons

“Xiao XingChen’s most intimate friend of cultivation, Song Lan?!” Yes that one, the one he gouged out both of his eyes for

“‘SiZhui, you’re the most sensible one here. Guide them a bit, won’t you? Can you do that?’ Lan SiZhui nodded. Wei WuXian added, ‘Don’t be scared.’ Lan SiZhui, ‘I am not.’ ‘Really?’ ‘Really.’ Lan SiZhui smiled, ‘Senior, you are so much like HanGuang-Jun.’” this exchange ko’d me, like knocked me clean tf out. Wwx reassuring him gently, lsz smiling and telling him hes not scared, lsz saying wwx is a lot like lwj

“‘Us? How are we alike?’ They were obviously like fire and ice. However, Lan SiZhui only grinned in reply, and led the rest of the group out.” I am crying

“It is as though if either one of the two seniors are present, I will not need to be scared or worry about anything.” 😭😭😭😭😭

Hmmmm when did xy find out it was wwx????

Oh it was the whistling that made him suspicious, and then how powerful his Summoning of Painted Eyes was, gotcha

“When they were still alive, the person probably suffered from a lot of torture. It should’ve been rather painful. They probably committed suicide, so they probably don’t want to come back to this world. If a soul itself doesn’t have any desire to live, then it’ll most likely be impossible to save.” Yanno i dont think its ever explicitly talked about how wwx died, and im not trying to be angsty here, but his soul literally couldn’t be summoned, by anybody....

I hate xue yang!!!!!

Fuck you, dont give xy cute canines, he doesnt deserve them. Me and wwx however....

“I have a very famous friend. His acting is what I’d call excellent. I still have a long way to go.” Xy is literally talking about jgy right here

Xy made the nails that were controlling wn, which meant he put them in wn’s head, which means id like to resurrect xy just to kill him again

“Wei WuXian really couldn’t understand why strangers always had an inexplicable sense of confidence in place of him.”

WEN NING!!!!

AHHHHH FUCK HIM UP BABY

“Wen Ning is not a thing.” From wwx himself, people

Maybe if you wanted xxc’s soul, you shouldnt have, idk, forced him to kill innocent people and his best friend against his knowledge and drove him to suicide, just a thought, Xue Yang

Lwj is strong

“Before he finished his sentence, a white-robed figure descended from the sky. Bichen’s icy blue glare swept at him.” Lwj desending from the sky looking like an angel

(chapter 38 & chapter 39 below the cut)

Chapter 38

“Surrounded by an ambience of frost and ice, Lan WangJi stood in front of Wei WuXian.”

“The glare of the sword that he pulled from his sleeve was grim and dark. As it was wielded, it almost seemed to emit a black aura, creating a stark contrast with Shuanghua’s silver radiance.” 😩 Jiangzai 😩

Gotta give it too him, xy is a talented swordsman

So does wn feel pain or does he not feel pain, pick one

“‘Good. If anyone doesn’t listen to me, I’ll feed him congee again.’ The few boys who had encountered the taste pretended as if they were vomiting.” This interaction....

Lan WangJi, you’re so cool 😩

Jl’s admiration for his senior cultivators is just..... so cute

“‘Hmm. He’s good. Of course. He’s really good. He’s the best.’ As he talked, he couldn’t help but break into a smile.” Stoooooop

God wwx just shouting to lwj that hes gonna leave, and its up to him now, and lwj just agreeing, wwx laughing....like the trust, the belief in the other’s abilities, the ease with which they communicate even in tense situations

“Why did you two not say ‘I’m worried about you. I’m staying!’, ‘Go!’, ‘No! I’m not going! If I’m going, you’re going with me!’? Is it not a must?” Ljy really knows what’s going on between them, why else would he say something like this???

“It’s a waste of time. I believe that someone as reliable as HanGuang-Jun will definitely be able to deal with it.” Aknfnc like yeah lwj is known to be strong, but wwx completely trusts in his abilities, like he’s not overly worried or protective like a lot of partners tend to be, he just trusts him

“With both of his feet together, he tried to jump outside. However, since the threshold was too high, he failed every attempt.” This is hilarious, and the juniors thought so too

Wwx respects non-cultivators

A-Qing grabs xxc’s face and cries when his coffin is opened 😢

Interesting that wwx invented Empathy, a way for you to...well empathize with spirits in a way that you couldn’t before, and people still think it’s an evil method

“Wei WuXian stared at the bell for a few moments. Sensing that he looked a bit off, Jin Ling asked, ‘What?’ Wei WuXian replied, ‘Nothing.’” Wow.....that hurted

Hmmmm hate xue yang

“Since they felt the same things, it was as though the squeeze landed on Wei WuXian’s body. Instantaneously, Wei WuXian felt as if a blanket of goosebumps climbed over his heart. He wanted no less than to slam the man into the ground.” And if he could’ve, i bet he would’ve

Oh, Xiao XingChen....

Chapter 39

He’s so kind...

Actually A-Qing was 100% in the right, she should have kept that mans money

Have i mentioned how gross it is that a grown man groped A-Qing, who wwx describes as looking no older than 15 years old, because its gross

It makes me so fucking angry the things xy did, and the reason he was so good at imitating xxc

“Although she didn’t know whether he was dead or alive, most likely thinking that it’d be a drag either way, she obviously didn’t want Xiao XingChen to find the person.” A-Qing...

“Of course, a dead person was less of a hassle than a living one, so A-Qing couldn’t wait for the person to die.” Alfnfjfkb A-Qing wtf....

She was right though, i wish he would’ve just died too but here we are

It shouldve been A-Qing getting that piggy back ride

Xxc deserved so much better.....

Xxc is so sweet, it makes what happened to him even worse

Xy having a casual conversation with xxc and making him laugh is actually making me sick

A-Qing is smart to be wary of xy, to eavesdrop and follow them

I hate Xue Yang!!!!! So much!!!! He’s pure evil!!! Hes not evil in a fun way, hes for real evil, causes-suffering-for-entertainment type evil!!!

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #mine #Phoenix rereads MDZS #wangxian #lwj #wwx #wn #lsz #ljy #a-qing #xxc #xy #god i hate him!!!!#i dont even wanna give that mf a tag

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ribbonstrawberrysurprise · 5 years ago

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In honor of the announcement of the new TMM anime, I’ve decided to address one of the biggest remaining mysteries in TMM history.

That’s right, the question on everyone’s mind: What food was Buling’s family eating in chapter 18* of the manga?

(I was looking this up for my own purposes, so I thought I might as well make a post out of it. That’s where most of my meta posts come from, actually...)

*Tokyopop numbers it differently, but...... they’re wrong. Just plain wrong. I might do another post on this...

First of all, they’re eating dim sum. Dim sum is a style of Chinese cuisine where you eat a lot of small dishes served on their own plates/baskets, generally with tea. In Japan, dim sum is called tenshin (点心) or yamucha (飲茶). Unlike American dim sum restaurants, Japanese ones tend to be more cafe-like, and generally serve Japanese-style “Chinese food”, or chuukaryouri (中華料理). Basically, sort of like American Chinese food has been altered to fit American tastes, chuuka has been changed to fit Japanese tastes.

---

More on dim sum in Japan:

https://gurunavi.com/en/japanfoodie/2018/03/dim-sum.html

---

Detailed analysis under cut!

First of all, it’s the fish that was explicitly mentioned! (At least I’m pretty sure that one on the bottom left is fish. I don’t think dumplings would have the eye dots...) Pretty sure this isn’t a type of chuuka, but in fact yakizakana, a purely Japanese dish. That term basically refers to any fish that’s grilled and then served whole. There’s not enough detail to guess on the specific kind of fish...

Next up is rice! You know what rice is.

These are harumaki (春巻き), or spring rolls. Their original Chinese name is chun juan (春卷). They’re basically the equivalent of the egg rolls you’d find at American Chinese takeout places: meat (usually pork) and vegetables (cabbage, onion, carrot, mushrooms) rolled in a wrapper and then fried.

These are nikuman (肉饅 or 肉まん), or pork buns. Their original Chinese name is baozi (包子), although that term can refer to all types of steamed buns, not just meat-filled ones.

This is might be another type of bao called a nai huang bao (奶黄包). (That second character is the one meaning yellow that’s Buling’s surname! Also, I could not hit on the right katakana...) It’s filled with egg custard. It might also be a sesame bao, since it looks like it has sesame seeds as decoration on top. It would be totally out of place in this meal, but the sesame seeds on top makes it look a lot like an anpan, which is a type of bread filled with sweet red bean paste.

These are shuumai (焼売, usually written as シューマイ). That’s a pretty straightforward transliteration of the original Chinese shumai (烧卖). Japanese shuumai are filled mostly with pork.

These are shoronpo (ショロンポ), a transliteration of the Chinese xiao long bao (小笼包), i.e., soup dumplings.

These are gyouza (餃子, usually written ギョーザ) from the Chinese jiaozi (餃子). (Okay, so its actually from the Jilu Mandarin pronunciation, giǎoze. Long story short, Chinese has many dialects which pronounce characters very differently.) They’re usually filled with cabbage, mushrooms, and pork or chicken. Gyouza are more garlicy and have a thicker wrapper than jiaozi.

These are goma dango (胡麻団子 or ごま団子), or sesame dumplings/sesame balls. The original Chinese name is jian dui (煎堆). Jian dui are usually filled with lotus seed paste, while goma dango are filled with red bean paste.

It’s not quite as clear, but I think these are supposed to be ebi chili/ebichiri (エビチリ), which is derived from Szechuan cuisine. It’s basically shrimp in chili sauce. They might also be something fried, like karaage (basically fried chicken), but it really looks like there are tails curling in.

These are too vague to say for sure. The first definitely looks like something circular and breaded based on the bumpy outline, so they might be croquettes/kurokke (コロッケ). It could really be anything fried, or some type of bun... The one in the middle looks like some kind of stir fry, so it might be twice-cooked pork/hoikourou (回鍋肉). No idea about that last one. Not even sure if Mia Ikumi knew when she drew it...

#Meta #Tokyo Mew Mew #Buling Huang

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sharinluna · 5 years ago

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Hello! Another Mr. Love player here. I'm new to the game so this ask might come out dumb. I just wanna ask about Gavin and Shaw. Are they really brothers? Not stepbrothers? Because their names in CN confuses me. :(

Hello.

Although it wasn’t mentioned explicitly in the game, it’s pretty much a given fact that Gavin and Shaw(Ling Xiao) are real brothers. In Gavin’s call and in his Rumors & Secrets, Gavin mentions that he had a younger brother.

As to why they don’t share the same family name, not much is known but there are theories that Ling Xiao is an alias or that he changed his name.

#mlqc #mlqc ask

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multsicorn · 5 years ago

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XXC pls?

... this ask is from 16 days ago because I am SO BAD AT LIFE, omg, but anyway hopefully I’ll be more present now for a while again! Cause I do want questions and really like engaging with people, etc. (Sorry and thank you!)

How I feel about this character: Xiao Xingchen is, for once, literally, ‘too good for this world, too pure.’ And we know what happens to cinnamon rolls! They get eaten :D. (... and now I want one.)

[this got pretty long! so more under the cut]

I feel like - I might? I hope to! Have more of a ~take~ on him after I finish rewatching the show, maybe after I finish the book and steal supplemental material from there (... though I’ve already finished the Yi City arc, so that’s probably all there is?), because during the time when we first met Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan on my first watch-through, tbh, I was still trying to orient myself wrt the clan/sect system and the magic and like... the many many people we met who were mentioned who may or may not be significant. Only in retrospect did I know I’d care about Songxiao but not the dead Chang clan! (This is absolutely on me for not being genre-savvy, but it is what it is.)

BUT! I just think that his idealism makes for a really good/interesting contrast with, like, the world. He and Song Lan sent Xue Yang away to the Jin sect, which clearly went badly. Although he’s very righteous himself, he’s not stern the way the Lan sect is, instead he is forgiving of A-Qing, who he knows to be a pickpocket - he gives her money and travels with her. And then again he also cares for and lives with Xue Yang... though he doesn’t know who Xue Yang is!... but he knows that he doesn’t know who this person is, he thinks it doesn’t matter, he’d care for anyone who needs him. So he’s really a great case study in the interest and the complexity and the danger of being too universally kind/caring/giving/etc.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: I mean Song Lan/Xiao Xingchen is canon, it just is, I can’t find enough of a narrative hook there (or haven’t yet) to find much interest in ficcing or reading fic for it, but... I appreciate it as a very ‘ring of keys’ beat for wangxian, and for being (sry not sry mxtx), there are more than two non-straight people in this narrative.

Xiao Xingchen/Xue Yang, otoh, is very! interesting to me!, but I’m not sure if.... romantic is the right word for it, lol. Which is to say I do think Xue Yang (at least in show canon) is very much in love with Xiao Xingchen - which doesn’t mean that he wants the best for him! or respects XXC’s desires! etc. - I never said it was a good or healthy type of love, okay. And Xiao Xingchen and Xue Yang are, actually, very domestically cute together in the sort of way that could easily bleed right into being romantically together (... I’ve read fic where it’s all the way to romantic, and I’d happily read more), but this is, of course, premised on Xiao Xingchen not knowing who Xue Yang is. So there’s, uh, a lot of conflict there.

Anyway long story short: my kingdom for fic that manages to smash together ‘Xiao Xingchen maybe loved the-stranger-who-was-Xue-Yang in Yi City’ with ‘Xiao Xingchen hates absolutely everything that Xue Yang did and stands for’ in some sorta satisfying way. And, going back to Song Lan, and my love of polyfic cause it makes things more complicated: doubly so for fic that combines the aforementioned xuexiao story with the also fascinating question of: how much does Song Lan hate Xue Yang because Xue Yang is evil, and kills people, and did horrible things especially to Xiao Xingchen... and how much does Song Lan hate Xue Yang just because he gets to live with Xiao Xingchen and make him smile, and how dare. And can Song Lan find a way to reconcile this hate with the fact that both he and Xue Yang are absolutely one thousand percent devoted to trying to bring Xiao Xingchen back from the maybe-not-quite-grave, despite all their differences.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Absolutely, one hundred percent, A-Qing. It’s cute that he tries to restrain her... but likes her spunk, I think! And is probably helped by her lack of such stringent morals in their wandering together, even if I don’t think the show ever shows us this. They’re an interesting odd couple...

My unpopular opinion about this character: Songxiao is a good idea but too boring to really do anything with, is that an unpopular opinion? I’m not sure. He only really becomes interesting to me in his interaction with less moral characters? Maybe now that’s spicy!

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: It’d be nice if there was more hope/indication that Song Lan could bring him back, by the end of the story? I like stories where people struggle and suffer a lot, but I really don’t need them all to die.

OH ALSO I know it’s not censorship because they’re not together in the novel either - if anything they gave me less strongly couple-y vibes there than they did in the drama! Which is interesting, actually... maybe I’ll reread the relevant bits and post about it later. But anyway it would’ve been nice if Songxiao had been actually explicitly together in canon, rather than just strong ~vibes,~ with a kiss or a marriage reference or something, just for the way that Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian feel ‘are they us? can we be them? that could’ve been us,’ etc.

#xiao xingchen #the untamed #i love my anons

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sunnylildragun · 6 years ago

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The Lion- doesn't- Sleep Tonight

Day 4 of the Bumbleby Week- AU Day.

No one truly knew how Yang Xiao Long had lost her right arm. There were rumors, speculations, and a lot of gossip. Some said she did it by protecting her house from Grimm. Others said it was in a motorcycle accident. Some speculated that it had been fighting a bunch of bandits. None of those were accurate, and the blonde always just brushed it off. She didn't pay much mind to what people said about her arm, as long as they didn't ask her awkward questions. Like, it was funny when it started, but why were people so interested in knowing if it had a vibration function? Geez, chill, people.

There was also a discussion over what she hid under her cowgirl hat. Team CRDL once tried stealing it from her head, which resulted in broken noses and bruised ribs for them. After that, no one explicitly talked about it. The subject was buried in the same grave as Cardin Winchester's ego. And Yang was glad for that. What she had under her hat was nobody's business, and whoever she wanted to know, would know. And for now, it was no one but her sister, her father and her uncle.

Blake Belladonna couldn't help but wonder, too, what it was that the taller girl hid. Every time purple eyes fell upon her own yellow ones, she knew there was more to Yang than anyone could tell. Blake had, throughout her life, learned to read people very well. Her parents were influential activists in the Faunus Rights cause, although being humans. They found it very important to treat everyone as equals, so that's what they taught her since a very young age. It gave the raven haired girl the opportunity to make many friends, and to interact with all sorts of people.

Her partner was still a mystery to her. As curious as she was, though, Blake couldn't bring herself to ask Yang about it. She was afraid of hurting their growing friendship, or worse: permanently harming their partnership. The two of them had a duty not only with each other, but also with their team. Blake just couldn't risk losing both her relationship with Yang, and the functionality of the team.

So she held herself back, only talking out her frustrations when she was with her friends from outside the team. And those were Sun Wukong, a monkey faunus who she had befriended in the early months at Beacon, and Ilia Amitola, a chameleon faunus girl whose family was supported by the Belladonna family, and who was her childhood friend. They were in a cafe in Vale, Blake and Sun drinking tea, while Ilia enjoyed a capuchino.

"It's just..." Blake started. "I really wanna know more about her. She's always cheerful, and nice, and sweet. But I can see a longing in her eyes... as if she's hiding something. Something that hurts her deep inside."

"Blake... maybe you're just reading the wrong signs." Ilia said, after sipping from her cup. "From what I could see, she's a very open person. Perhaps she just likes the hat."

"Yeah!" Sun agreed. "And Yang trusts you a big deal. I mean, I've seen y'all do that combo... what was it again? Something bee related..."

"Bumblebee?" Blake raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, that thing! You literally throw her at the enemy. No offense to Neptune, but I would never do something like that with him."

"Sun, Yang and I are partners. We're different people in combat than what we are in our casual, day to day life." The human girl sipped from her tea.

"I think she likes you." Ilia smirked at Blake as she said it, and it grew to a grin when the taller choked.

"What?!"

"And you like her back." Sun joined the teasing.

"No, I don't?" Blake's voice was indignant. "And how would you two know that she likes me? Has she told you anything?!"

"No, she hasn't. But Ilia and I both crushed on you."

"Yeah, we know what it looks like." The chameleon faunus added. "She eyes you whenever you have your head buried in those books of yours. And that means all the damn time."

"That's true. Not to mention how she watches you train."

"How she lets you win most of your wrestling games after you two spar, even though she's physically stronger."

"How she puts herself in harm's way whenever the White Fang is near, because she knows your parents are a threat to their violent ways."

"How she shamelessly flirts with you and you flirt back."

"I get it!" Blake finally broke. "I just... never thought of it that way. Yang is just-" she sighed, not knowing how to explain her thoughts. It wouldn't work anyway. "Has anyone else ever mentioned any of that?"

"Weiss complains about it all the time." Ilia drank a bit more. "She says you two should get a room already."

"Schnee..." Blake said through gritted teeth, just before an idea popped in her head. A devilish smirk took over her features. "So... you and Weiss have been talking a lot?"

"Yeah, yeah. She's coming around. I think living in the same room as you had an influence on her." Ilia answered dismissively.

"Ilia." Sun called, knowing where Blake wanted to get with her teasing. These two had been his friends for a while, and he loved their shenanigans. "We all know that's not what Blake is talking about. You and the Ice Queen... you're seeing each other, aren't ya?"

Immediately, the darker spots on the faunus girl's cheeks turned a bright pink. "I-I... w-we... uh, we're kinda..." she sighed, trying to control how flustered she was. "We've gone on a few dates. She's actually... a pretty decent person when you get to know her."

"I think you look cute together." Sun smiled, supporting.

"I think so, too." Blake smiled too, and she saw Ilia relax and lighten up. The ravenette's mind was far from there, though, all the way to Beacon. She couldn't help but think of Yang, and of everything her friends just said.

Maybe se did have feelings for her partner...

-+-

Some weeks later, Blake and Yang were sent in a training mission. They were alone, as it was a project in which they should develop their partnership, and their field skills. It was supposed to test their abilities far from the comfort zone that was being under one of the professors' wings. As huntresses in training who were in the beginning of their second year, they appreciated this opportunity of experiencing actual independence. It was nice.

And Blake lowkey wanted to have some alone time with her partner. She had decided that she would confront Yang about... whatever it was. She kept it in mind to not make any assumptions, and to not go too fast with her questions. Blake didn't want to scare Yang off, she wanted to be let in.

The two of them didn't have time for that right now, though. Exploring the forest in the outskirts of Mountain Glenn had given them a bit of trouble, as they were intercepted by a bunch of creatures of Grimm. They had cleaned most of them, but three remained, giving them a bit more of a fight. Out of the corner of her eyes, Blake saw Yang duck an Ursa paw, and then punch the beast in the gut, sending it into a tree. The black haired girl herself was facing two Beowolves- an Alpha and a regular one. She jumped back as one tried to take a bite at her.

'Shit,' she thought. 'I can't let myself get distracted like that.'

Blake put her katana in pistol mode, shooting at the exhausted, weaker one's head. It was soon gone in a fuzz of smoke. The only one remaining was the Alpha, which got it all fours, ready to lunge at her. The girl readied herself too, grabbing the sheath of Gambol Shroud. The monster attacked, and she slid under it. Then, she got her weapon back into a sword, and attacked it several times.

Yang was not doing all that bad, either. The Ursa she had chosen to unleash her fire upon was not far from becoming ashes. She kicked its face, then punched it repeatedly in the stomach. The sound of her gauntlet and of the gun in her prosthetic firing filled the clearing, and it was all she could hear. She did capture, though, the moment Blake grunted in pain as the Alpha she was fighting pawed her, throwing her a few feet backwards, her back and her head hitting a tree. Her purple aura shone as the impact shattered it, since she had received many blows earlier that night.

The blonde turned to see what happened, her eyes widening and turning red. "Blake!" Came the almost feral cry. The growl behind her got her back to her own risky situation. She had to act fast.

Yang blocked the Ursa's claws with her right arm, and with the other she punched its head. The monster finally vanished, and the girl could finally focus on helping her partner. She fired her guns, jumping in the direction of the Beowolf. It was jumping at Blake, who was supporting herself against the tree. Her hand was on her forehead, eyes closed as her head started aching. When they opened, they immediately went wide. Just as she thought it was done for her, a mess of fire and blond hair changed the beast's trajectory, both going into the forest.

Blake got herself up, still dizzy from the impact. She heard a few gunshots and walked slowly there, trying to ignore low ringing in her ears. In the way, she found Yang's hat, which apparently was taken out of her head by a tree branch. She grabbed it, and followed the track of destruction left by the blonde and the Grimm. When she found them, Blake's shock was written all over her face.

"You. Ain't. Ever. Touching. My. Partner. Again!" Yang shouted between punches, her voice almost a roar. The girl's rage wasn't what shocked Blake the most, though.

On top of Yang's head was a pair of lion ears, that were back and low as she striked the creature multiple times. Even in the dark, Blake could see the lines of the faunus trait very clearly. When it was finally over, the faunus was sweaty and gasping for air. Her dark brownish-gold ears were up, as the danger had vanished and her anger was slowly coming to an end. Blake accidentally stumbled back, the shock from the sight in front of her and the hit to her head affecting her body. She stepped on a stick, and Yang's left ear turned to her, followed by her head.

As red eyes became violet once again as they stared softly into Blake's own. Then, when she realized where the yellow orbs were, she panicked. She noticed the hat in Blake's hand, and her eyes widened even more, almost taking her whole face.

"Blake, I-" she wasn't able to finish the sentence, as the other girl tried walking to her, only to lose her balance and almost fall. She supported herself on a tree, and tried to stand still. "Blake!" Yang ran to her, trying to think of what to do. She put a hand on the girl's shoulder, worry all over her features. "Hey, what's going on?"

"I... I'm not feeling all that well." Blake closed her eyes, as the pain in her head got even more intense, her ears ringing with even more intensity. "My head..."

"L-Let's get you back... to the camp." Yang gulped. "Do you... can you walk there?"

"I... don't think so." Blake answered, groaning in pain.

"Would you like me to, you know... um... carry you there?"

Blake was silent for a few seconds, but then nodded. She whined in pain, as it made her head hurt more. Yang just nodded back, putting one of the other's arms over her shoulder, and one of her own arms went to the girl's back for support. The other went under her knees, and soon she was walking back to their camp. It was in another clearing, a bit to the north of the one where they battled the Grimm. Blake still had the hat in the hand that wasn't holding on to Yang's shoulder. Her head was against her partner's chest, and she listened to her heartbeat as she gave in to sleep.

-+-

Blake woke up a few hours after that. She was inside the tent, in her sleeping bag. The headache had dulled a bit, and she guessed it was because her aura was full again. The young woman sat up, rubbing her eyes with her left hand. She then sighed, deciding to get out of the tent and see how Yang was holding up. It turned out the sky was already gaining the colors of dawn, and she had to cover her eyes as they tried to adjust to the light.

When she was finally able to see again, she spotted Yang sitting on a tree trunk they found to use as a bench. She was staring at Blake with a sweet smile, and her ears were free from the prison of the hat. Her whole being looked amazing in the light, and showing her faunus trait like that made her look... whole. It was like the hat covered the missing piece of a puzzle, and the entirety of Yang's beauty was unlocked by having them out.

It was not that Blake thought her partner didn't look good with the hat. She actually looked awesome with it, too. Yang looked beautiful all the time. It's just that this part of the faunus girl made her look natural, and like the greatest masterpiece ever created. The most beautiful being ever born. Yang looked exactly how Blake thought her heart would look if it were a person.

"Um... you can come sit with me. If you want." Yang finally said, her eyes going down and her pale cheeks turning red. Blake gave a nervous chuckle, and walked to the bench. She sat beside the blonde, "accidentally" bumping her shoulder against Yang's own. The taller girl didn't move away, brushing her hand against the ravenette's own instead. Her pinky was over Blake's own, and the smaller girl blushed.

They were silent for a few moments, until Yang spoke again.

"So..."

"So." Blake said, looking at her partner, and Yang looked back at her. The violet eyes held an emotion that Blake had not seen there yet. The blonde's metallic fingers came in contact with the other's cheek.

"I was so worried. So scared that..." Yang sighed, her eyes closing and her head low. Blake's hands shot up, taking the other woman's cheeks in them.

"Hey." She called softly. "Yang, look at me." Violet eyes opened to show unshed tears. "I'm sorry I put you through that."

"Just... be more careful, please. I don't want anything happening to you. I know we're being trained to that kind of fight, but..." the girl trailed off, looking at her yellow, mechanical fingers. Blake noticed the change, and put her left handover the one in her cheek.

"Is there... do you wanna talk about it?"

"No." Yang said, pulling away. Blake's heart dropped to her stomach and a lump formed in her throat. She had done exactly what she didn't want to do. She had made her partner push her away. She- "I never want to talk about it. But... I guess I have to. Now that you know about them," golden ears twitched in emphasis, "you may as well know the story behind it all."

"Yang... you don't have to. Not if you're not ready. I'd never want to push you into talking about it, not if it makes you uncomfortable."

"You aren't pushing me. I've... actually been meaning to talk to you for some time now. I know what your parents do for people like me. For the faunus. I was gonna ask for your help to... encourage myself to get out of hiding my heritage."

"Oh..." Blake let out in awe. Yang wanted her help with something like that? It made her chest feel warm, and butterflies fly all over her stomach. "I'll do anything my power. Just tell me how I can help, and I will do it."

"Well, I think we can start with what happened. As you know, from that time you went White Fang crazy and I told you about my obsession, my mother left and I went after answers for her whereabouts. The story I told you is not exactly all that happened, though."

Blake felt her body temperature drop a few degrees, knowing what she was about to hear would not be a happy story at all. "And... what happened?"

"It was almost night...

Ruby and I had entered a small diner by the woods. We were just kids, so I guessed no one would mess with us. Dad always taught us to not talk to strangers, so I thought only doing that would work. In my head, it was all pretty simple. Walk in. Ask the bartender- who, to me, seemed to be someone we could trust- for the information I wanted. Walk out with what I needed, and find that damned house.

The part of going in went alright, but the adults in there looked... scary. Shady. And they stared at me and at my ears like I was some kind of abomination. They seemed to want to take Ruby from me, so I held her close. I didn't know why they were acting like that, since to me a faunus and a human being sisters wasn't something weird. Besides, as you know, Ruby only looks human. Those claws of hers are killers. I've always loved and protected her with my whole being, I didn't get why anyone would ever assume I would do something bad to her.

"Sis... I'm scared..." I remember Ruby's small voice saying as she clinged to my arm.

"We'll be out soon. I promise." I answered, and kept walking to the balcony. "Sir," I called the bartender, who was cleaning some glasses, and he looked down at me.

"What is it?" His voice was rough, and rude.

"Um... do you know this woman?" I showed him a picture of Raven, and he leaned down to look at it.

"Never seen 'er around." He shrugged. "Now get out, before you get me in trouble."

My eyebrows furrowed, and I wondered what kind of trouble a little girl and a toddler could cause. "I'm already going. Just one more question-"

"Didn't ya hear the man, little beast?!" A tall, black haired man punched the balcony, his green eyes shining with anger, spite and violence. He was smoking, and he smelled like alcohol. Everything about him was scary, but the worst part was... that he was a huntsman. "Can't you read a sign to save your life? Huh? Right by the door, it says 'no faunus allowed'. I don't come to this bar to find your scum of a race!"

"S-sorry, sir..." my whole body was shaking, and my ears were glued to my skull, seeming to want to vanish. "I-I just wanted s-some information. I-It's very importan-"

"I don't care what you want!" He started walking in our direction, and I put myself in front of Ruby as we walked backwards. "Just get the fuck out of here, you small, filthy abomination! Go, and never fucking come back!" His voice filled the whole building, and I grabbed Ruby's hand and ran out of that terrible place.

Once she was in the wagon, I started running the way I'd never run before. I ran for what felt like hours, until I was exhausted, and most likely lost. Ruby was sleeping in the wagon, and I was glad she wasn't hurt. My mind was filled with thoughts, though. Why did he treat me like that? Why do people hate faunus? Did I do something wrong?

As I let these demons roam my mind freely, I kept walking and didn't notice the monsters outside. Beowolves were watching us, waiting for the right time to strike. They were probably attracted by the negativityof my thoughts. But all I could see was the path in front of me, the trail leading somewhere. That darned abandoned house from that photograph I had seen. The building that got me into that mess. For a moment, I forgot all the hardships of the day, and felt fulfilled as my goal was apparently achieved.

The nightmare wasn't over, though.

I took one more step, and hell broke loose. The pack of Beowolves jumped out of the dark trees. I was too tired to react. Ruby was basically passed out in the wagon, so shouting at her to run would do little to nothing. So I stood there in horror and shock, as death stared at me with shining, hungry orange and red eyes. One of them- the Alpha- was the first to jump at us, and it was going for Ruby, specifically.

"No!" Came the cry from my dry throat. Out of impulse, despair, and the desire to protect my little sister, I put my right arm in front of her. The Grimm took it, the bite sending pain through my whole body. It shook me around a few times and my yells woke Ruby up. Everything was a bit messy after that, but I still remember her silver eyes looking at me in shock and in fear. I remember her shouting for help. I remember when it threw me into a tree, and I remember Uncle Qrow calling my name and telling me to hold on.

After that, I never went out showing my ears again. I felt like my heritage was the responsible for all that happened after I set foot in that bar. To me, everything went wrong after that. And I... I blamed myself for that man's prejudice. I blamed myself for the fact that I was so terrified I didn't notice my surroundings. I blamed myself for putting Ruby's life in danger. I thought it was my fault I was born a faunus and I never wanted to go through what I went through that day again."

Blake felt her heart clench as she looked at Yang, who had her eyes on the yellow prosthetic. Her ears were a bit dropped, and the purple eyes had sadness, pain and some anger in them. From what she just heard, the black haired girl assumed the anger wasn't towards the man who'd been so ruthless to her when she was just a child. Yang was angry at herself.

Blake couldn't watch that any longer, and put a hand on her friend's shoulder. "Hey," her voice was soft, caring. "It's not your fault that people like that exist. Your heritage isn't a crime either, and you shouldn't feel the need to blame yourself for having it." Yang looked at her, a small smile forming. Her eyes started shedding the tears she had been holding back, and Blake reached out to whip them with her unoccupied hand. "I actually think they're gorgeous. Your ears." Her voice was just a bit above whisper.

Yang let herself relax, exhaling slowly and nuzzling against Blake's palm. Her lion ears captured how fast the other girl's heart was beating, and it was just as fast as her own. She then closed her eyes again, leaning in to rest her forehead against Blake's own. A low chuckle echoed from her throat, and Blake could hear the relief in it.

She decided to pull Yang into a hug, holding the girl close, arms around her shoulders. Yang hugged her back after the shock wore down. Blake didn't start contact very often, so she wanted to make the most of it. The blonde nuzzled against the shorter's shoulder, sighing in relief to find comfort in somebody's arms. As Blake's hands descended to her back, rubbing up and down, the blonde could feel all the tension leaving her.

"Did you get any sleep?" The raven haired girl asked softly. "You seem so tired..."

"I kept on watch all night. I thought you needed some rest after everything that happened."

Blake's heart beat a bit faster with that. Yang was always so thoughtful, and it made her chest go warm. "Well... I'm awake now. You should get some rest, too."

"Are you alright, though? I mean, you hit your head and back really hard." Yang pulled away, and looked at Blake with a smirk. Her hands were in the human girl's waist, thumbs rubbing her sides, and Blake's hands were in Yang's shoulders. "Wouldn't want princess here to faint."

"Princess?" Blake raised and eyebrow, looking around. "Did we bring Weiss to the trip?"

Yang laughed out loud at that, and it was music to Blake's ears. "You're a jerk. But don't worry, I won't tell Weiss. My ears kill me when she throws her tantrums when we call her princess."

"Thank you. And if I had feline ears, I wouldn't want to have someone yelling near me, either."

"That makes me wonder what would be your heritage if you were a faunus."

"Panther ears, maybe?"

"More like cat ears."

"Why cat ears?"

"You would look even feistier with cat ears on your head when you're upset."

"Panther ears would make me look intimidating. Wouldn't that be better?"

"Nah, your death glares are scary enough."

Blake slapped Yang's shoulder lightly. "Jerk." Both giggled, touching foreheads again. They knew exactly what they were doing, the lines they were crossing. They knew they would have to talk about it later, and they knew it would bring some changes to the way they act around each other. In that moment, though, they didn't pay much mind to that and just enjoyed themselves.

They stayed in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, until Yang yawned. Blake didn't say anything, just putting her hand on the back of the blonde's head. The faunus let her head be lightly pushed to Blake's shoulder, and her eyes slowly closed. Her breathing was soon steady, and her partner could tell she was sleeping.

Blake kept caressing the blond locks, some times brushing lightly against Yang's ears. She still couldn't believe that such a sweet, caring person as the woman in her arms could have a past this tragic. She wasn't sure if she would be able to remain uncorrupted if she had experienced anything anywhere near what Yang went through. It made Blake love the blonde even more, knowing her soul was kind to the point she didn't hate the world, even after being forced to hide. Even after losing a part of herself. And she knew there was still much work to do on getting Yang's confidence to let her ears free more often back. She wouldn't give up, though.

She would help Yang. She would fight beside her. They would win against the chains of discrimination.

And Blake made a promise to always do everything in her power to not let anything ever harm Yang like that. She would protect her partner to hell and back, and she knew the faunus would do the same for her.

Because no matter the circumstances, no matter the hardships. No matter the world, or the universe they were in. They would always be there for each other.

#bumbleby #yang xiao long #blake belladonna #rwby #bmblbweek #bumblebyweek #bumbleby week

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raeynbowboi · 7 years ago

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The Other Ships in My Fleet

So, I’ve already made a post talking about how I feel about certain ships in My Hero Academia, and another post about some of my other fandoms. Both posts got a lot of likes and reblogs, so I figured I’d talk about my ships from other fandoms. If this post also gets a lot of positive feedback, I’ll consider starting a second page to post my fan content for all of my fandoms, while still maintaining this one almost exclusively for My Hero Academia and Kiribaku specifically.

Klance (Keith x Lance) Voltron: Legendary Defender

I’m fully aware that this ship is probably not going to happen, but it’s really the only ship in the series that speaks to me. I will not lie, I am a big fan of dark and moody dating happy-go-lucky, and the rivals to friends to lovers element is just icing on the cake. It’s only further helped by Lance being Keith’s second-in-command. They help each other grow, and the trust that forms between them is cute and endearing. They also shared a major element to their characters. Both of them feel out of place, Keith because of his Galra heritage, and Lance because he doesn’t have a niche role.

Rabies/Rae x BB (Raven x Beast Boy) Teen Titans (2003)

While there wasn’t a lot of shipping fodder for these two in the 2003 iteration, the two are a canon couple in most versions of the teen titans, having been married in the comics (more than once, I think) so this is sort of a unique ship in that I ship it across every version of the two characters. Sporting a snarky moody goth and a lovable goofball, their dynamic was like that of an old married couple, or a moody teenager and her annoying little brother. Still, the two were good friends, and even though their personalities were polar opposites of each other, they had a lot of quiet, emotional moments together in the series. Whether you want to read them as friends or potential lovers, I think it’s hard to deny that there was a genuinely nice bond between the pair.

Garnet/Rupphire (Ruby x Sapphire) Steven Universe

As the show’s literal physical manifestation of love and a perfect relationship, it’s hard not to like the relationship between these two adorable lesbians. With the show sometimes being edited to remove the queer elements, it’s absolutely hysterical that they had the two get married in an episode very important to the plot, and put Ruby in the dress so that absolutely nobody could misinterpret her as a male. Editing it would only confuse viewers as to why everybody is in wedding attire, thus taking a very satisfying stance against censors and bigotry. Garnet also marks a first in children’s programming as the first same-sex wedding in a children’s animated show, at least as far as I’m aware.

Pearl x Mystery Girl Steven Unieverse

Although only featured in a single episode and having no dialogue, Mystery Girl (possibly named Sabina) is a very important element to Pearl’s character, being her first step toward moving on from Rose Quartz. There were fans that hoped that Mystery Girl would come back, but even if she doesn’t, she’s still important to Pearl’s character development.

Amedot (Amethyst x Peridot) Steven Universe

I know a lot of people prefer Lapidot, but frankly I find Lapis too selfish and cold-hearted to be ready for a relationship as she currently stands. I find Amethyst to be a better fit for Peridot, since they both share issues with their height. That, and the way the show frames them has romantic comedy tropes interwoven into their scenes. But even if they’re just friends, Amethyst’s approval means so much to Peridot.

Stevonnie (Steven Universe x Connie Maheswaren) Steven Universe

I’m not usually a fan of lead boy dates lead girl ships, as they tend to be very poorly done, and many feel forced, or are just boring and predictable. However, the bond between these two feels very genuine. They don’t feel like a lead boy and lead girl forced into a relationship at all. They come together very naturally, and the show takes its time to build their friendship up slowly. The show remembers that they’re kids first, friends second, jam buds third, and love interests last.

Tomstar (Tom Lucitor x Star Butterfly) Star Vs the Forces of Evil

Considering the show’s themes of monsters, racism, and not judging evil at face value, this ship serves as the most thematically poignant to the narrative that the show is setting up. It also makes Star a stronger parallel to her “evil” great great something grandmother, Eclipsa. Both are monster sympathizers with monster boyfriends. While the blood moon bonds complicate things, I see this ship as the most relevant to the themes and messages the show seems to want to send.

Tomco (Tom Lucitor x Marco Diaz) Star Vs the Forces of Evil

More of a joke/crack ship, I know it’s unlikely, but the entire episode of Friendenemies had romantic comedy written all over it. Between the literal in-universe break-up song to the show’s promotional art being inspired by dime store pulp romance novels fuel the fire that keeps this ship afloat.

Bumblebee/Bumbleby (Blake Belladonna x Yang Xiao Long) RWBY

Partners, teammates, and close friends, the ship really took off starting in season 2 during the episode “Burning the Candle”, as Blake spiraled into self-destructive habits due to obsessing over her problems. Nobody is able to get through to her until Yang comes in to talk to her. She doesn’t lecture her or beg her to stop. She instead forms a bridge of trust by first opening up about a similar situation she’s been in, and how she knows first hand that this sort of spiraling can only have negative impacts. They are shown to be parallels, as both girls are negatively effected by a loved one no longer in their life, and the trust issues that spring from that loved one’s actions. Yang was abandoned by her mother, a problem which she mentions Blake repeated. For Blake, it was the uncertainty of trusting someone’s character, and being afraid of someone slowly turning into someone else. She explicitly states in season 3 that her ex started off a nice guy, like Yang. The first time he hurt someone, there was a reason. There was always an excuse. Until eventually, she became the pardoner. The one excusing his actions. And, she expresses the fear that Yang could be following a similar path. Both girls have been hurt by someone in the past, and both girls are afraid of being hurt the same way again, and inadvertently hurt each other the same way as someone else has. It’s also known that RWBY characters tend to represent or be based on fairy tale characters. Yang is Goldilocks, and Blake is Beauty from Beauty and the Beast. However, based on the lyrics from Red Like Roses “Black the Beast descends from shadows, Yellow Beauty burns gold”, there seems to be an implication that Yang is the Beauty to Blake’s Beast. This is interestingly supported by Blake’s name. Blake is a Celtic name meaning both Black and White, and Belladonna literally means Beautiful Woman in Italian, but is also the name of a very poisonous plant often mistaken for the harmless blueberry. The duality of her name could be pointing to how she plays the dual role of both Beauty and Beast.

Seamonkeys (Sun Wukong x Neptune Vasilias) RWBY

A bit more of a crack ship, these two lovable idiots are far less likely to be canon, but since Sun is Yang’s main competition for Blake’s heart, I have no problem shipping him off elsewhere with his goofy best friend. Although they act more like usual best friends in the canon show, their relationship does have a much gayer tone in the less canon comedy show RWBY Chibi, where Neptune almost seems to act like a jealous clingy girlfriend a lot of the times. I doubt the ship would ever sail, but I mostly ship it because they’re cute together. Although, with season 6 just starting, I got the vibe that Sun was stepping aside to let Bumblebee sail uninhibited. Sun doesn’t really have a third popular ship, it’s just Black Sun and Seamonkeys, so this ship may be gaining validity in the future.

Gumlee (Marshall Lee x Prince Gumball) Adventure Time with Fiona and Cake

The male counterpart to Bubbline (Princess Bubblegum x Marceline), there’s no real difference between the two pairs other than their genders, and Gumball preferring baking while Bubblegum prefers science. Because they are effectively just gender-swapped clones of the canon ship, anything canonical between the girls is also technically canon with these two. It’s not that I don’t like Bubbline, but when given the choice between gay or lesbian versions of a couple, I’m going to be naturally inclined to lean toward the gay version.

Sasunaru/Narusasu (Sasuke Uchiha x Naruto Uzumaki) Naruto

Maybe there’s a cultural aspect I’m unaware of, but it’s a bit of a running gag in the Naruto fanbase at this point that Naruto is obsessed with Sasuke. So much so that he seems to care about him way beyond normal friendship. With how much these two obsess over one another, it’s no surprise why this became such a popular pairing. Their dynamic even dwarfed Hinata’s heartfelt confession of her love during the Pain Invasion Arc, because as soon as that ended, did Naruto go talk to Hinata? No, he immediately started thinking about Sasuke. Hinata definitely got the shaft in part II, which is a shame because I really loved her character.

Bob and Linda Belcher Bob’s Burgers

More of an honorable mention than a full on ship, I wanted to highlight them as one of adult animation’s only married couples that actually still like each other. In the wake of the popularity of the Simpsons, and the cementing of the genre with Family Guy, the stock dynamic of idiot husband and enraged but supportive wife became a recurring trope. Before long, every single animated sitcom-esque family fell into this very annoying cliche. So, finding a couple in adult animation that are not only married but still manage to show they love each other is amazing. Their marriage isn’t on the rocks, they find time to at least try and be romantic, and even when they have bets or are on opposing sides of something, the show never forgets that these two love each other at the end of the day.

Captain Swan (Killian “Hook” Jones x Emma Swan) Once Upon A Time

This relationship between Captain Hook and the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming might sound odd on paper, but this couple is by far one of the healthiest relationships in the series. Both Hook and Emma come from broken lives, and together build themselves up to something stronger. In a melodrama surrounding fairy tales, both characters are surprisingly grounded, realistic, and skeptical cynics, a very stark contrast from the usual wide-eyed lovey-dovey couples Disney is known for. Emma’s tendency to put up walls and Killian’s tendency to always put himself first are both slowly broken down over time as Killian tries to tear down Emma’s walls and get to know her while she works on building a foundation of trust between them. The pairing feels very organic, and they definitely feel like the most realistic couple in the series as they both take turns stumbling and working toward being good for each other.

Rumbelle (Rumplestiltskin x Belle) Once Upon A Time

In the early seasons, this couple was beautiful to watch. I truly loved their chemistry and dynamic, as both of them were given such strong characteristics without simplifying either of them. However, as the show went on, it started to lose that power. The couple started to feel toxic as Belle kept waiting for Rumple to change, and he kept on lying and lying. It even reached a stopping point. A perfect one. Rumple was redeemed. He was a good man again. He could be the man Belle deserved. But instead, he slipped right back into his old ways. It was then that I fell off the band wagon for this ship. I loved it once, until I got sick of watching him hurt her over and over.

Daenerys Targaryen x Khal Drogo Game of Thrones

Although together only for a short while, this power couple won audiences over very quickly, as Drogo’s gruff but passionate affection mixed with Danny’s growing confidence and rise to power made these two iconic.

Renly Baratheon x Ser Loras Tyrell Game of Thrones

Another short-lived relationship, the remarkable thing is that Renly was literally the only character vying for the throne with fully good intentions for the realm. He was concerned with the needs of the people, and was the only morally good candidate in the War of Five Kings. Sadly, the ydidn’t get much screen time, but they were still a strong couple.

Peraltiago (Jake Peralta x Amy Santiago) Brooklyn 99

A rare exception to the don’t force the leads to date rule, the show let them form a bond over time that went from a friendly childish rivalry to a friendly dating rivalry. While each character experiences change and growth, it is not at the expense of their personalities, and the progression feels like it was meant to happen.

#ships #shipping #fandom #steven universe #star vs the forces of evil #game of thrones #brooklyn 99 #once upon a time #ouat #star vs #rwby #naruto #voltron legendary defender #voltron #teen titans #bobs burgers #adventure time

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