I just wanted to quickly say thank you guys!! Like... LIKE REALLY!!! THANK YALL SO MUCH!!!! The amount of constant love I receive for my work has been overwhelmingly wonderful to experience. I don't even know how to put it all into words. BUT IM GONNA TRY!
FAIR WARNING! I'm about to be really really sappy under the cut. So feel free to ignore that if you wish. But I got a lot of emotions I'm about to try to say.
Hi hello and hi. Um. Well, it's hard to explain how much this has meant to me. How much your kind words have sent waves of joy through my heart. How much every like has made me smile. How every reblog has made me feel a rush of pride. Every person who spammed me with likes when finding my blog, every person who talks in the tags when reblogging me, every person who shows up constantly in my notifs, every mutual who interacts with me even in the smallest of ways, every other artist I interacted with who has been kind to me.
All of it. Every single notif has made me smile in some way and I cannot thank you enough. I was so genuinely shy about sharing Dandy with Tumblr because I began drawing Dandy at a very turbulent time of my life. My WH art and oc had become a place of comfort for my mind and I had wanted to interact with the community for a long while but I'm skittish by nature so it took a LOT of mental prep for me to start posting this stuff here.
And the fact I have so much positivity in my notifs! I really needed that. Truly, I did. I still don't see myself as a big artist by any means, but I know I'm so lucky to have the bit of engagement I do from yall!
I feel like I'm rambling. Needless to say...it means the absolute world to me that the art that brings me joy is given such love by yall. Even if hyperfixations change, even if time marches us all in different directions, I'm thankful to have this. Right now. When I needed it.
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Soph I love you but Taylor Swift does not “make herself the victim” there’s so much valid shit that has happened to her for us to feel that way about her, which most of her fans honestly don’t even see her as - granted there as some obnoxious ones but that goes for all fandoms.
Like for example of the experiences I was talking about.
- being sexually assaulted and then being called “greedy” for suing the guy.
- being painted as a “snake” because she didn’t react well to someone writing a misogynistic song about it. Which I feel like is a valid reaction as a woman in entertainment.
- being groomed at 19 by a 30+ something year old.
- getting called a snake worldwide for a narrative that 2 people - who were more famous than her at the time invented.
- being bodyshamed constantly when she had an eating disorder
Yes she’s privileged and has always been, coming from money and having fame, but she does not portray herself as the “victim” and the fact that people think she does just for standing up for herself makes me sad, not because of her but because being a woman myself it just paints the picture that women’s pain or experiences will always be brushed under the rug because we’re classified as “dramatic” and “we should take it with more grace” “be thankful about the good things” like??
I understand that you don’t like her but that assessment just seems wrong.
like i just. you realize you're proving my point right? like this - not just this message, but all of the ones i've gotten where people are waxing poetic about all of the struggles taylor swift has had and how she is absolutely a victim and how dare i suggest otherwise - is exactly what i'm talking about. you feel the need to jump down the throat of anyone who says anything remotely negative about her. this is the whole "victim" narrative, that she is vulnerable and must be protected and defended from all negativity at all times at all costs.
and like. that is on purpose. she has cultivated that narrative for this reason. so that publications are now afraid to post reviews of her albums with bylines because their journalists are getting death threats if they criticize her.
i am not suggesting that taylor swift has never had anything bad ever happen to her. that would be insane. i am trying to say that this culture that has been cultivated within her fanbase of defending and protecting her, is extreme and irrational. and when you don't buy into it, it makes a lot of the content surrounding taylor swift very hard to swallow.
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ngl you spoiling your fanfics on here instead of writing them is kind of a cop out :/
first of all,
congrats on being the second hate message i've ever gotten!
secondly?
Fuck You <3 :)
thirdly?
you can call me a looooot of things anon, but do not Ever!!!! EVER!!! call me lazy. you wrote me 27 words just now and i have written over 100k in under a year spanning over two extremely detailed multi chapter fanfictions...like? and that doesn't even include this tumblr which goes back 42 PAGES OF VERY LONG ASK MESSAGES.
most of them being extensively thought out lore and headcannons about two fictional boy best friends on a television show that is so unserious that over half of those hcs had to be crafted around straws and legitmized by hours/days/weeks/months of research by me???
because you guys send me "hi uncle nina, what is kyle's fav color?" and i could just send! it's blue <3 tysm for asking! :) but i Never answer my ask memes like that and again??? there is 42 pages of evidence to support that baby, so good luck fighting that fight! it's never just blue it's always Kyle's Favorite Color Is Blue BECAUSE and then i go on for several paragraphs about why kyle's favorite color is blue, i give you everything that i know about that subject. Everything.
like, i feel like some of the ask memes that i write are so detailed and extensive that they might be longer than one shots people are writing? this one about each boys favorite season was very labor intensive and i put it out in one day...uuuuugh!!! on the subject of one shots and actually writing? i licherally said i am still willing to do one shot requests or post pieces of things i had inspiration for? i just didn't want to promise you actual chapter updates because i didn't want to let you down??? like i specifically wanted to avoid this :(((
i'm actually writing the ask memes because i feel like it is the medium where i have the strongest chance at providing you with well written content, like, i could go back to updating but they would be rushed, poorly written and passionless. i put like...a lot of my heart into these.
and, my love, my hate, lmaooo, i could just not do that.
like, i legitimately have no reason to keep doing this.
i could delete this whole tumblr with 42 pages of content that i am sure people come back and reread because they ask me not to delete stuff and ask me where it went. i could also private both my fics on ao3 or i could delete them entirely...and it would be no sweat off my back, tbh. like i said, because my imposter syndrome is so bad and i was so stressed out writing my fics...i can't read them anymore. i am moderately embarassed by them and IF I HAD TIME...i would rewrite them. i would make them so much better...i wish i could.
because i DONT have time? i work a 7-3 job and i come home and answer these...i am exhausted and i answer these? and i do it because its fun yeah, but i do it because i care? about my work?
but i Specifically care about all of you. :((((
that's why this seriously hurts my fucking feelings and sucks? because the reason my fics stay up and the reason i answer these is because i love you very much and care about you getting the answers that you deserve and it makes me sad i can't write them better for u.
i write these answers because every single day, like, i shit you not, i got at least 8 asks yesterday about various things, you all take the time and share your hearts and minds with me. because i have angels in my ask box who write to me, who take the time to read my stuff and ask me questions about it, like...specifically rm?
which, not to toot my own horn baby, but it's a lot easier to get people to content about the regular ship in a fandom ( which is still not easy ) but i got multiple people invested in an AU FANFICTION with almost no cushion from the fandom, the only help i got/boost for exposure, is that i had clout from writing a different successful fanfic??? which i literally wrote anonymously? it was my first fanfic!!!!
fight me!!!! lol!!!!! show yourself, coward!!!! you charlatan!!!
tell me that you did the same, baby!!!! that's what i THOUGHT!!!
but yeah, i do this because i care about y'all and i care DEEPLY about the things that i write and that they are quality. for example, oh my god just talking about this makes me depressed...when i wrote rm4 WHICH I WROTE UNDER DURESS, EXTREME DURESS, both physical and mental? which...i loved rm4. almost all of those hcs and metaphorical things in there, i was very, very proud of.
anyways, i wrote like 16k and it was taking me Too Long in my fucked up girl brain to do it on my computer and because i was excited to get that chap you'd all been waiting for out to you and because for some reason i felt Obligated to work fast because of the stress of everyone waiting for my work, i, ON MY CELLPHONE, highlighted basically every single word, all 16k of them and meticulously formatted from like 7PM at night until 6AM in the morning the next day. i had THREE monster energies and i considered buying a 5hr energy AND POURING IT INTO A MONSTER ENERGY???? that is how fucked up my mind got trying to put out my fanfics and...
during the last 100 or so words...because i was so tired, i accidentally highlighted my whole chapter, finished formatting, felt super relieved when i clicked the Save button only to realize...
every single italics was gone.
every single one...italics i'd spent hours on...every single one was gone forever. i could not retrieve it. it was lost...all that work. :( and it's kind of embarassing, but i cried for a very long time about that. like i posted this chapter that i cared about and i was...super depressed. not even because i worked hard on formatting it for hours and all through the night ( which i have done for over 12 other chapters )
...but because i realized that you guys would be reading something with no italics. that you would be reading something that was not as good as it could have been. i was sad because you were going to read something that because you are so wonderful, i was sad to send you. i was so upset, actually, about you reading something subpar that i considered...reformatting the entire thing...i....this fucking sucks.
this makes me really sad. this makes me reeeeeally fucking sad lol. like to say i don't care about all of you? to call me lazy? say this is a cop out??? like oh my GODDDD????
i am a REAL person, you guys! i fucking exist outside of this blog? people who write fanfiction do it out of love. it's a labor of love, y'all. i have a real job. i do this for zero dollars and zero cents and i do it every single day like? fanfiction authors do not owe you anything.
but...i love you? lol? that is lame but i legitimately worry abt all of you. like even you weird, mean anon? because i assume even tho you sent hate mail you did it because you love my work? maybe? because you had to be upset enough about this, or enjoy my work enough, to be sad that you aren't getting more of it? which LITERALLY YES YOU ARE LIKE!!!! YOU ARE GETTING SO MUCH!!! we could have nothing.
i am not writing anymore because of how badly it effected my mental health -- also, very cool of you to punish me for the first time i was selfish and decided to be kind to myself....in months! <3 slay! but bc i care abt my story and you guys not getting left on a cliffhanger forever and ever, i decided that i would give you everything i have.
like just that part of the ravesey hate that i wrote yesterday...that is one of four parts...of two chapters. there is easily over ten chapters left that will probably be split up like that. nevermind pep where we have at least five chapters left...and you wanted me..to write like 17 chapters??? that would take me maybe all year??? wild??? like no!!! i'm not gonna do that!!! i don't even have to do this!!!! but i want to!!!
I FUCKING LOVE YOU GUYS LIKE ITS VERY LAME TO SPEAK TO ME LIKE THIS???? I HATE THIS!!! BOOOOOO!!! TOMATO!!!
idk...i guess i'm done now. not updating you on this blog, ofc, just with this ask message. which is not going to be the last one. i will keep updating the kind and lovely people on here who have been so wonderful to me and send me faithful, excited asks everyday. those people do not deserve to be punished because you decided you wanted to be an ahole in my askbox. i am not writing for you.
thank you for supporting my work. thank you for enjoying my updates on here which -- i have been doing this for monthes with no complaints and people send me more asks everyday, so i assume we all enjoy getting them in this format? even tho its off ao3? enough to have 42 pages of asks? also i have not written for months...this is not news, i think. we knew this was coming -- needless to say, i love you very much and i don't care if this is tiring. it is worth it for you.
to those who have been kind to me, thank you very much. i love you and i hope you heal. thank you for healing me.
and you, a-hole anon????
please check yourself.
both metaphorically and into a psychiatric hospital.
cheers! <3 mazel! :)
-uncle nina
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I just realised today marks exactly one year since my breakup.
I'm so so so proud for growing into myself in this one year. I have strengthened my boundaries, I have become more firm in asserting what I want from a partner and won't be settling for anything less. Most importantly, I have realised my own worth, my own importance so so much more than last year. I discovered what I genuinely like, I went out a lot with my friends even on countless self dates, I read books about self-worth and productive habits, I worked and studied hard, I travelled, I just became a relatively more happier person than I was, from 2021 infact.
Last year Sami would not make the choices this year's sami made. As much as I was hurt emotionally and it took me a fair chunk of month to recover, I'm glad I experienced it in order to realise how much I was depriving myself of my own potential and how much I, as an individual, am so much interesting with my own set of goals and likings. As well as realising I am also an individual who has things to work on before getting with someone else. My idea of dating has drastically shifted and honestly I don't think it would have happened if I were to be in that relationship still.
It wasn't abusive nor it was degrading or demeaning to me but I was unknowingly being treated as a much much less priority in the name of "work" and "space". Now I am very sharp about these sugarcoated distancing and disrespect and won't tolerate it otherwise.
I've grown. I am thriving. I am happy.
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warning this is a vent post
"take a social media break" i wish i could but you see that would mean taking a break from People In General since everyone around me in my real life just fucking LOVES talking about the exact same issues that keep making me cry myself to sleep.
for several days in a row now i've broken down at dinner because my parents were talking about the environment, or work, or adult things in general. i'm tired and i need some happiness and i need to believe that things aren't so shitty that nothing is worth it anymore. i have NEVER felt as terrible about the world as i am now.
i can't escape this and a lot of people seem to think i shouldn't. because "oh but you need to keep up with the world"
if the world is making me not want to live in it then maybe just maybe i should be able to take a little break from it.
you have no obligation to help me, none of you, and if you have your own shit going on i'd rather you didn't, at all. but if you do have space for me, i don't want to talk about this. if we talk please let's just nerd out about fandoms and whatnot, because that genuinely does make me happy.
ok that's enough from me. don't expect any more vent posts for a while as i still haven't figured out how to vent without feeling terrible and as soon as this episode is over im gonna feel terrible about this post but if anyone's still reading thank you.
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New G/T Song Series With Vocal Synth
Hey guys! As some of you might know, this is a side blog and I’ve been working on a g/t novel and some other projects in secret. Well, today’s the day I unveil part of the curtain and show you part of what I’ve been working on! (And link my main blog!)
[drum_roll.wav]
Introducing Perthea-- a distant world where humans and pertheans (beings that appear human but measure twenty times taller) live in harmony. Except for Kaylin Finch and Derrick Drake. Due to her fear of pertheans, Kaylin (a human) would much rather stay within the safety of the human undercities. Derrick (a perthean), on the other hand, has been trying really hard (and failing) to become friends with Kaylin, his classmate (or “deskmate”) that he shares a desk with at school. Can these two become friends despite Kaylin’s fear?
This series uses a vocal synth program called OpenUtau, and the voices are sampled from my own and reconstructed in the software. It’s like text-to-speech for singing! I also named the singing voices after the story characters, hence the new “Storie” surname haha
Anyway, enough banter! It’s with great pleasure I finally unveil the first two songs in this series, “A Longing For A World I’ve Not Known” and “My Hands”!
And of course there’s more to come soon!
TL:DR; I made robots that sing and I wrote g/t songs for them
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