#yay to me....getting ignored no matter how hard I try...

[f3l1c1af0x]

i made a thing people can colour in (I'll post their colours soon I'm just still trying to figure it out so deal with me but for now go wild! heck I might make it a comp to see how can colour it in best can be the Creators Colours!!)

[lost-and-ephemeral]

Could you please do LDS boys +

Caleb reacting to reader being injured/severely injured?<3

HCs: You're Injured (ft. main trio + Caleb)

Pairing: Xavier x reader, Zayne x reader, Rafayel x reader, Caleb x reader (seperate)

Tags: hurt/comfort, reader is injured but won't die

A/N: Thanks for your request! First time writing for Caleb, yay. Sorry if it isn't good enough, I'm not feeling so good since morning.

-`♡´- MASTERLIST -`♡´- 

Caleb

"Hold on, pip-squeak, I'm right here."

Your exhausted body, covered in wounds from the battle with Wanderer, was ready to collapse to the ground if Caleb hadn't caught you in time.

He knew how dangerous your job was, but that didn't make him any less worried.

You protected him but got hurt in the process.

He's frustrated and angry because there's no way he could've protected you in that situation.

And Caleb just hates this feeling, but trying to stay calm for your sake. His emotions could only make everything worse.

"Sometimes even big girls need someone else's help. Right? And I'm here for you."

Concern was written all over his face, he couldn't hide it even if he really tried. The last thing he wanted was to see you hurt, especially like this.

He was supposed to be your main protector back then. But now things have changed.

You had really grown a lot, not just physically, but mentally too.

It was just hard to accept you're no longer a little girl.

Yes, you are strong and mature. But Caleb kept holding you like you were the most fragile being in the world.

He will give you first aid as quickly as he can, while calling an ambulance. Caleb is not the kind of person who would risk your life trying to handle this situation on his own.

Definitely going to the hospital with you while holding your hand and talking to you. He'll be around as long as it takes.

Probably will fall asleep on the chair near your hospital bed.

No doubt he'll continue to look after you like he did when you both were younger.

Rafayel

"No, no, no. Don't even think about leaving me like this!"

Maybe sometimes Rafayel was overly dramatic, but he's actually afraid of losing you again.

When he saw that you were injured after not-so-pleasant encounter with Wanderers, his facade of self-confidence instantly cracked.

Rafayel started panicking and it was clear from the look on his face as he crouched beside you, seeing how you trying to cover the wound by your bloody hands.

Not again. No.

All these years he had to watch you die over and over again, losing all memories of him.

Rafayel instantly began to examine your wounds, holding you close. He didn't care if his perfectly white shirt will be covered in blood as well.

He needed to be sure you won't die this time.

And his playful attitude is gone completely.

"Don't you dare to die on me, you hear? I won't forgive you. Ever. Promise me. Promise me you won't die."

He tried to remain calm and ignore the suffocating feeling of anxiety that has been slowly rising in his chest. But he couldn't.

Will do everything to stop the bleeding while help is on it's way. You can feel his hands trembling.

He'd better die for you himself, not vice versa.

I swear, this man is gonna get the whole hospital on alert. Nurses and doctors can be mad at him as much as they want. It doesn't matter to him.

Rafayel won't rest and eat properly until you get better. He just physically can't.

"Don't scare me like this ever again, please."

Xavier

"I failed you."

You accidentaly got injured during your mission. And poor Xavier decided it was totally his fault.

You both found yourself surrounded by enemies and before he could even react, one of them attacked you, leaving a deep wound on your side.

Needless to say, in the next couple of seconds all Wanderers were completely destroyed, and Xavier was fully focused on you.

This isn't the first time you've been injured during a mission. But each time Xavier is as worried as always.

Especially when your injuries are so severe.

Will administer first aid on the spot, even the bare minimum, before carrying you to safety.

With Wanderers around, it's not going to be easy to get you out of this dangerous zone. So Xavier needs to stabilize you a little at first.

"I won't let you get hurt again. I promise."

He is already experienced in these situations, so he's able to keep his emotions under control. But that doesn't mean that deep inside he isn't worried sick about you.

Will be looking for anything to treat your wound and avoid infection.

Guilt will slowly eat him up from the inside no matter what. He had to protect you, but he failed to do so.

Even if you assure him it's just an accident, Xavier just shakes his head in response.

As soon as you can get out, he'll take you to the hospital. It is unlikely that his skills will be enough to make your wound heal properly.

Better safe than sorry.

He still has a lot of work to do, but he'll come to you whenever he has a spare minute.

Will probably act like a guilty puppy for a long time.

Zayne

"You're constantly putting yourself in danger."

Zayne has a hard time showing his feelings openly, especially when it comes to you, so it's no surprise that his display of concern felt like he was scolding you.

But in reality he's really, really worried about you every time.

He knew right away that you were in the hospital after another accident.

And as soon as Zayne had some time off between surgeries, he came to you.

Looking at you in the hospital bed, he felt his heart ache.

While he was desperately searching for a cure for your heart, you kept getting hurt again and again.

Even when you smiled, like if trying to reassure him everything's fine, Zayne only sighed and shook his head. You have no idea how hard it was to see you hurt and vulnerable like this.

He's already been informed of the severity of your wounds and how much blood you've lost.

And he could've lost you.

But Zayne can't let his emotions take over. There are still a few more difficult surgeries ahead where he cannot afford to make a mistake.

And if he starts panicking right in front of you, it's not going to speed up the healing process.

"I'd be happy if you took a more responsible approach to your health. Then I wouldn't have to be so worried."

He moved his chair closer to your bed and sat in silence for a while, squeezing your hand.

Zayne will stay around as long as his job lets him.

Don't be surprised to find candies or plushies you wanted on your nightstand.

You can ask him about these little gifts.

And watch carefully as a faint smile appears on his lips.

"Usually only children get so excited about toys. So it turns out you're not that far from being a child?"

[whokilledjared]

the sluttiest thing a man can do is be himself. (& takes on social media)

Hi.

I'm lonely.

The moment I got "two weeks off school" in sophomore year, life went to 4x speed & I can't turn it off no matter how hard I try.

Maybe COVID-19 adolescence did numbers on me. Somewhere between the iPhone 5c and ChatGPT, 14-hour screen times have live-streamed to me a steady, homogenous death of culture.

Nothing is cool anymore. Nothing is sacred. Every movement is a trend, and every cult classic a sequel.

The value we place on things being beautiful, on being "cool," and our gatekept appreciation of how hard these things were to find: it's been co-opted, or perhaps stolen. It's been stolen by the new merchant class. "Disruptors" and "innovators" turning our lives into a burgeoning black mirror prequel. Soon, we'll graduate too, and we'll wring every morsel of value in each others' lives dry for cash.

Plain and simple, I think we're being manipulated.

Your dates are an algorithm. Your music is a social signal. And Zuck knows when you sleep.*

God. What the fuck are we doing???

“Individuation is becoming the thing which is not the ego, and that is very strange.” — Carl Jung

Recently, I deleted Instagram. My first impulse was to post a story or something, announcing my departure. But then, I thought that would be lame.

I got rid of my account, too. Kinda. Over 1 year, over 800 followers removed, and what remains of me is a little grey icon, and "JM_0000000010" where my name and face used to be.

yay.

There were many people I wish I could have been friends with, but I wonder, too, why I find myself so drawn to the validation of others. Does social media affect me worse, or do we all just choose to ignore it, languishing in private?

At any rate, this last year has almost felt like re-learning how to be a human being.

Personally, I think one of the biggest markers for maturity is when you become willing to disappoint the people you know in favor of what feels right to you, when you start to unravel the stories you’ve told yourself (or been told) about who you are and what you should be. In short, the sluttiest thing a man can do is be himself.

And sometimes, I think about every college student that has ever lived. My grandmother, my dad, and so on. Just consider for a moment all kids who graduated before 2010:

What was it like for the ones in 1940? To walk around, before a campus had computers? In 2006: To meet someone pretty, but forget their number? In 1999: To cram into dorms, and watch Seinfeld live on-air?

Would I, like my dad in 1988, have braved cold night, brisk wind, & landline phone-call just to knock and see if my friends were too busy to hang?

What stories could I tell if there was even the slightest chance of getting lost on the way home from a party?

Humans are social creatures. We crave our friends like water. To me, the clearest difference between Dasani and Instagram is that one of them comes in a bottle.

Yet despite these distractions and comforts we have in 2024, somehow, we still have engineering students. People who carve out time in their day to sit down, look at paper, and solve differential equations. But then, that's not so hard, is it? It just takes time. Precious, fucking, time.

At Meta, leagues and leagues of these engineers power behavioral scientists, who are competing for the highest salary. Their benchmarks? Your FOMO. Guilt. Anxiety. Obsession. The worse you feel, the more you engage with their content. The more you engage with their content, well, you're starting to get the point.

Try something for me: Open up Instagram, but don't tap anything. What happens? How many little animations? How many tiny nudges prompting you to get lost? Our home-pages are billion-dollar diving boards, hoisting us over engineered catacombs of subconscious quicksand.

My homepage is my FOMO, my envy, and my crushes. The pain and struggle of trying to be someone who I am not. My little existential crises, bundled-up, packaged, and shipped with a like button.

To abandon your social networks entirely, however, requires a safety net of close friends. After all, your friends are online, and you'd be miserable without them.

This is the problem with our monkey brains. Millennia of sociological natural-selection have made us quite great at feeling terrible. We're damn good at making tribal status games to play with, too.

Seeking refuge in quirked up septum piercings and boygenius listeners, my time in counter-cultural, alternative "scenes" between St. Louis and Tampa has shown me that even the weirdest of folks and the most removed can accidentally find themselves reduced to nothing more than high-school popularity contests. Even if I love them. Even if they're amazing people. We're human.

We can't "quit social media" as much as we can't "quit bottled water" Sure, we can, but it's inconvenient. And even without a bottle, we're still drinking water.

So I lost touch with my friends. I got no new updates on their lives. I forced myself into the inconvenience of not having a phone to reach for in fleeting moments of boredom. Suddenly, I was out of the loop. Suddenly, I was bored. And suddenly, nobody missed me. My only friends were the ones I had the time to text. Everyone else ... does not exist.

Weekends have become more valuable than ever. Without the empty social calories of seeing my friends' pictures, I find myself planning hangouts as often as my schedule allows. I have more lunches, more study sessions, and more is done in the company of less.

And I have the time to breathe.

And in this calm, I think I found my answer: it's my misplaced ambition. These fears of anxiety and people I thought I would miss, they seem represent something I want to see more of within myself. Something I want to develop, lean into more deeply, as an individual. And I think that's quite normal; to look out into the world and feel attracted to things we want to see more of. This is, I think, how everyone develops their own definition of beauty — and of coolness. It's largely the intersection of what we find most interesting, and what we want to see more of in the world. Because beauty and coolness, by definition, are rare and hard to find. If they were everywhere, nothing be beautiful, nor would anything be cool.

When we all turn into wrinkles and cataracts, bad backs and heart attacks, for a brief, glorious moment, our lives are going to flash before our eyes. In this moment, you'll see your story. The ultimate progression of you.

How much of that will be skibidi toilet and reaction clips? How much of that will be arguing on the internet? Can you tell me, just how much of your life will you have skipped over to pacify your intentionally-lowered attention span?

That girl whose number you couldn't find Those passing questions over coffee that you couldn't search on Google The boredom of a subway ride

Those are not inconveniences, they're what the older generations refer to as "life."

* (oh, but if you can't sleep, consider this aside: Google knows the angle you walk at, how fast you're walking, and they've got crowdsourced pictures of everywhere around you at all times of the day. fun bedtime thoughts <3)

[starkiller419]

Friends.

pairing : hayden christensen crica 1999 x f!reader | wc : 7k | 18+MINORS DNI

summary : you and hayden are co-stars in a new 90's teen movie.

warnings : idk just a bit smutty. actually quite smutty. if ur sensitive to swearing there's a couple swears in here.

a/n : this is my first time publishing smut so lmk what ya'll think. this is also a story based on this very detailed and specific dream I keep having, so if you want more, I will write more because I have so much more to say.

—————————————————————————

Hayden and I had been working together for about a month now. We were filming a movie about two teens who lived beside each other, and eventually fall in love and run away together. It's a compelling story, reminiscent of Romeo and Juliet in a way. The whole thing is very Shakespearean.

We first met during the audition process. I had already booked the role so they brought me in to do a chemistry test with some other actors, Hayden being one of them. I had never heard of him before this project but later found out he had been in a couple of TV shows and movies. From the moment I first laid my eyes on him I was in awe, he was beautiful.

He was no doubt the most beautiful person I had ever seen in my life. He took my breath away and made my heart stop beating without even having to try. During our chem test, I found it hard to concentrate, all I could think of was how captivating his eyes were and how bright his smile was. By the end of our test, the director had told us that Hayden would be playing opposite me as the love interest of my character.

Yay.

I was excited to get to know this angelic man in front of me better, but I was also very nervous. This wasn't my first project, but it was my first 'big' Hollywood movie. We had a budget of over $2 million and we were filming all over California, even using some of the sets at the Warner Brothers Studios. I was nervous about my performance, and I often found myself questioning whether I was good enough or not for something this grand.

Adding to that nervousness were the thoughts that invaded my mind whenever this blue-eyed boy was near me. His presence alone was intoxicating, and for the first little while there I tried to avoid him when we weren't filming due to my impure thoughts about him. I had a rule that I would never become romantically involved with any of my co-stars, even if it was temporary.

Eventually, though, I gave up trying to avoid him.

We would hang out in between shots, getting food at the craft services table or simply walking around wherever we would be filming that day. When we would wrap for the day he would walk me to my trailer where I was currently living, and he would always walk me to the door and say goodnight before heading to wherever he was staying.

Sometimes when he would walk me to my trailer I would invite him in. Sometimes we would play a board game, make something to eat, or play cards. He taught me how to play poker and I managed to win $100 from him. No matter what we were doing together, I always felt a stupid grin on my face. We would talk and laugh with each other for hours before he would eventually go home for the night.

We would talk about everything and anything, and I felt myself growing more and more attached to him as time went on. Every morning I would wake up excited to see him, and every night I would fall asleep and dream of him. He had slowly invaded the entirety of my being, walking through the empty corridors of my mind and claiming all the rooms as his own.

I was okay with these feelings lingering within me as long as I could manage to contain them, and not act on my desires. However, with each day that passed, it became harder and harder to ignore.

Since temporarily relocating to LA, I hadn't been sleeping well. 12 hour days on set were exhausting and prompted me to sleep, but I never could. I've always struggled with insomnia and I would usually sleep for a couple of hours each night, sometimes less but never more. It was starting to catch up to me and I could feel my sleep deprivation dragging me down during the day.

I had just finished filming for the day and walked myself to my trailer. Hayden had already left for the day and I found the walk to be quite lonesome without the comfort of our small talk. I entered my trailer, took a short shower, and prepared to try and catch up on some sleep.

My trailer was small, but still larger than the average on-set trailer. It had a queen bed in the back, a small dining table and couch, a washroom with a sink, toilet, and shower, and a small kitchen. There was a TV on the wall across from the couch, and I felt like watching something would aid me in falling asleep. So I got comfortable on the couch and turned on the TV, scrolling through the guide until I landed on NBC and started watching The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

I watched a few episodes before I felt myself drifting off into sleep, and just as I was about to fall asleep fully I heard the door to my trailer open. I had locked it and only one other person had the key, so I knew it had to be Hayden.

I opened my eyes and I was correct, he was standing in the doorway wearing a white t-shirt, a black Toronto Maple Leafs hat, and black jeans. Even in something so simple he was so effortlessly gorgeous, it hurt.

"Hi." I groggily greeted him as I moved slightly to sit up on the couch, rubbing my eyes as I did so.

"Hi, were you sleeping?" He asked as he walked fully into the trailer, closing the door behind him.

"I was trying to, it wasn't going very well." I chuckled dryly and his expression turned into one of concern.

"I can leave if you'd like." He went to turn and before he could fully, I reached out and grabbed his arm. He looked down at me with an eyebrow raised and his movements stopped.

"You don't have to go. I mean, like, if you don't want to." I stuttered slightly and let go of his arm, it was more muscular than I had expected, and his skin was warm to the touch.

"Okay." He moved closer and sat beside me on the end of the couch,

"What are you watching?" He pointed to the TV and I brought my knees to my chest as I sat with my left side pushing into the cushions and smiled as I faced him,

"Fresh Prince." It was one of my favorite shows and he knew it. He returned the smile I gave him and turned his attention to the TV, as did I.

I felt myself drifting off again as my head lay on the back cushion of the couch. My gaze had drifted from the TV to Hayden as he sat in front of me, laughing occasionally at the show. I noticed how his Adam's apple bobbed up and down with each laugh he took, and how he would smile to himself at certain moments whenever he was amused.

I closed my eyes and allowed the peace of his presence to lull me into a deep slumber.

I woke up a few hours later when I felt him pick me up and walk through my trailer, only to place me on my bed and tuck me into the covers. I then felt him trace my face with his finger and tuck a piece of my hair behind my ear. The TV had been turned off and it was dead silent in here. I opened my eyes and saw him walking away from the small space that held the bed.

Before I could stop myself, I reached out and grabbed his arm yet again, and was overcome with the feeling of his warm skin against my cold skin.

"I thought you were asleep?" He said as he turned to face me, kneeling so we could be at eye level with each other.

"I was, but now I'm awake," I shrugged as I stared into his ocean-blue eyes. He frowned slightly before saying,

"You should go back to sleep. I'm sorry I woke you up."

"Don't apologize. I'm a light sleeper." His frown disappeared only to be replaced by a slight half-smile. He went to stand up and walk away again, but I didn't want him to go. I also didn't want to ask him to stay and sleep in my bed, even though that's what I wanted. I just didn't want to have to ask him, that would be awkward if he said no or took it the wrong way, I simply liked having him around.

"Where are you going?" I asked and he looked down at me slightly confused,

"It's almost 4 in the morning, I was gonna go sleep in my trailer."

"Do you always sleep in your trailer?" I thought he had a hotel or home here or something, we had never actually spoken about it before so really it was always just an assumption.

"No, but I don't feel like driving. I'd probably fall asleep at the wheel." He laughed slightly and only then did I notice the slight purple eye bags that graced his face and the way his eyes were slightly drooping.

"You can sleep here if you'd like," I said sheepishly, hoping he wouldn't think more of this than just a friendly offer. Between friends. Friends,

That's it.

"Are you sure?" He asked as he slowly walked back towards the bed and waited for me to nod my head in confirmation before he climbed in under the covers and lay beside me.

We lay on our sides facing each other, only a couple of inches separating us, and I reached over and used my thumb to rub the bags beneath his eyes. His eyes fluttered closed in response to my touch and he placed his hand on my wrist, holding my hand against his face. I sighed softly, feeling somewhat guilty about indulging in the pleasurable feeling of his skin against mine, but enjoying it nonetheless.

We stayed like that until the two of us fell into a calm and peaceful sleep, breathing in sync. My dreams were filled with him, and it was my best sleep in years.

The next morning I had awoken wrapped in his arms, with my head tucked into the crook of his neck. My leg was wrapped around his and I could feel the soft skin of his lips just barely touching my forehead. It was blissful, to say the least. The way he and I breathed in sync, the scent of coffee and vanilla that was radiating from him, and the feeling of his large hands on my back and waist.

I rolled over slightly so I could glance at the clock beside the bed. It was 9:30 AM, and we had a 9:45 call time. Panic set in as I sat straight up, causing Hayden to jolt awake, confused at my state. I jumped out of bed and practically sprinted to the washroom to brush my hair, soon followed by my teeth. I heard the sheets rustle and footsteps follow not long after, and then I saw him stand behind me in the mirror.

His blonde hair was a bit of a mess, the bags under his eyes had disappeared, and he looked well-rested. He gave me a slight smirk as I furiously brushed my teeth, "We won't be late, there's no need to destroy your gums." He chuckled slightly and I bent down to spit the toothpaste out of my mouth before speaking to him. He was right but still, I wanted to be a bit more prepared than I was at this moment. "My gums are perfectly fine, thank you," I said teasingly as I grinned nice and wide, displaying my teeth and gums for him. He laughed and butterflies danced around in my stomach, fluttering up into my heart. He turned and walked away from me and I watched as he neared a cupboard in the kitchen and grabbed two bowls, a box of Cheerios, and the milk from the fridge.

I laughed as I exited the small washroom and walked towards the dining table where he had set down the bowls, "Hayden I can't eat that. I just brushed my teeth." He shrugged and paid no mind as he continued to prepare me a bowl.

"You have to eat something." He rolled his eyes slightly as he sat down on the bench and began eating the cereal. Despite the rolling of his eyes, he had a small smile on his face that I couldn't help but admire. I gave in and sat across from him and started to eat.

"Wow Mr. Christensen, this is splendid. What a fine breakfast you've made me this morning." I spoke in a fake posh accent, something we did with each other often. He had just taken a bite of his cereal and my posh guise caused him to laugh, and milk came running out of his nose. I couldn't help but laugh uncontrollably at the sight, but I got up through my laughter and grabbed the paper towel that sat on the counter.

He too was laughing while pinching the bridge of his nose. He had tears in his eyes and a couple fell as he blinked and reached for the paper towel, our hands brushing against each other slightly. He cleaned the milk off his face, and then off the table, coughing a few times in the process which caused me to erupt in laughter all over again.

"It's not funny y'know. That shit hurt." He said with a fake frown gracing his lips, which were trying to hold back a laugh of his own.

"Sorry, sorry," I said quietly and finished my bowl, bringing it to the sink and rinsing it before walking to the door to slip on my shoes. I turned back to face him as he put the paper towel back in its rightful spot, "You ready?" I asked.

He smiled brightly and responded, in a voice as smooth and soft as honey, "Always."

2 weeks had passed since Hayden had slept in my bed for the first time. Yes, the first time. The next night he came and knocked on my door at around 10 PM, he was shy and sheepish when he asked if he could, and I quote, 'have a sleepover'. He was being his usual sarcastic self of course, but I found it endearing either way and said yes.

A couple of days passed before he spent the night again, this time I had invited him on our nightly walk back from the soundstage. The next day I didn't even have to ask him, he just walked me home and followed me inside. When I began to get ready for bed he did the same, following me into the washroom to brush his teeth with a spare toothbrush I kept in the drawer.

"What are you doing?" I asked with a mouthful of toothbrush and its paste. He grinned and used his thumb to wipe the corner of my mouth, collecting a small amount of toothpaste on it and wiping it on the towel that hung beside the sink.

"We're having another sleepover, duh." He rolled his eyes as he responded with a mouth full of toothbrush and paste as well.

Since then it had just become an unspoken thing. Every night he would come to my trailer with me, and I never once tried to stop him or protest his actions. I enjoyed having him around, and I loved waking up in his arms every morning, inhaling his coffee-vanilla scent, and feeling the contrast of his warm skin against my cold. He usually slept shirtless, he claimed he got hot, but I think he just secretly wanted an excuse to be shirtless around me. Not that I minded, the man is ripped.

Nothing ever happened between us when he slept over, even though a part of me always wanted to, I couldn't for some reason. Anytime I thought of it too I felt guilty. But the desire to feel his lips against mine just kept growing and growing.

One day we were filming a scene that took place late at night where my character, the Juliet of the story, drags his character, Romeo, to the pool in his backyard. I was told to strip down into my bra and underwear and jump in the pool, and Hayden would follow. Despite having shared a bed with him for weeks now, I felt a little nervous at the thought of being so exposed in front of him.

But I had a job to do, so I put my big actor-girl pants on and did as the director said, and everything went swimmingly, pun intended. In that scene, I was to pull him into the pool and we would begin play-fighting in the water. We did just that and I ended up with my legs wrapped around his waist, both of us only in our underwear, just inches away from his face. I spoke all my lines just due to second nature and my memorization skills, but all I could focus on was how close his lips were to mine.

As I spoke the words I knew I was supposed to say, I found myself wanting to say more. To speak to him and only him, alone without the twenty or so people who surrounded us. He leaned his head closer to me and our noses brushed against each other. We had a kissing scene in the script, a couple actually and I knew exactly which days we would be filming them, but this wasn't one of them. So why did he move closer?

"And… CUT!" The director yelled as he stood from his chair and walked over to the edge of the pool. I removed my legs from their grip on Hayden's waist but kept my hands around his neck, and his hands remained on my waist holding me close to him. "That was great you two, we could sense the electricity. I think that's all for today so just go home, rest, and be back here for 11 AM tomorrow." The director spoke to us and we each thanked him and nodded our heads.

When he had mentioned the electricity between us I felt my cheeks grow red. He hadn't failed to hide his attraction to me, and I doubt I had hid mine from him. But still, we were actors. It was our job to be that way with each other. It was nothing deeper than that, we had to stay professional.

It didn't take long for the small crowd of people to disperse, leaving just Hayden and me behind. We were still in the pool, his hands were still around my waist gripping me tightly. As everyone had packed up I managed to avoid meeting his gaze, afraid of what I would do if I did, but now that we were alone I had no excuse. I turned to look at him and his eyes had been darkened by the starlight but shone brightly nonetheless.

I didn't know what to say to him, but I felt like I had to say something to prevent myself from acting on my suppressed urges and desires. The feeling of his hands holding me tightly was something so familiar, but this time it felt different somehow. It made me feel different.

"Wanna go get some Chinese food?" I asked him the first thing I could think of, which was stupid because I don't even like Chinese food and he knew that.

"You don't even like Chinese food." He said with a laugh, his slightly wet hair sticking to his forehead.

"I didn't know what else to say," I admitted sheepishly. He leaned his head closer to mine once again allowing our noses to brush against each other.

"Why did you feel the need to say something?" He spoke low and it caused my breath to come to a halt. Something about him right now was so-- intoxicating.

"So that I wouldn't do something I may regret." I softly said, never breaking eye contact. He moved even closer and rested his forehead against mine. His hand on my waist travelled down my hips to my thigh where he proceeded to wrap my legs around him again.

"And what would that be?" His low tone sent shivers throughout my body, and down to places it probably shouldn't have gone to. I was finding it hard to resist my urges now more than ever, the way his lips looked in the moonlight, how there was a bead of water positioned right on the corner of his lips, and how tempted I was to just lick it off.

I sighed softly as I glanced down to the water beneath us, seeing the rippled image of his toned torso sent me into overdrive. I looked back into his eyes which were the same color as the water we waded in, and leaned my head closer to his so our lips brushed against each other as I spoke,

"What are you doing to me?" I asked him and before he could respond I closed the distance between us, sending a blaze of passion and fire through my veins.

He kissed me back instantly, his hands holding my thighs squeezed exponentially hard. He moved the hand from my left thigh and brought it to the back of my neck, holding me in place while he kissed me ferociously. I brought my hands from where they were resting on his neck to his hair and entangled my fingers through his sandy blonde locks.

His hand traveled slightly to my ass and he squeezed harshly, sending a shockwave of pleasure throughout me, causing a slight moan to escape my lips. If it wasn't so damn public, I would take him right here right now.

In response, I tugged at his hair and now it was time for him to moan softly into our kiss, and if I thought I was in overdrive before, I had just exploded. We continued kissing for what seemed like hours, but in reality, was only a few minutes. Whenever I was with him time didn't seem to exist and I loved it. I loved spending minutes with him but feeling as if those minutes were hours, and I loved spending hours with him and having the hours feel like days.

Our kiss was interrupted by the sound of a golf cart approaching the set. I broke away from him with a shocked look in my eyes, and he just laughed and set me down on the pool floor before grabbing my hand and leading me out. We ran half-naked back to my trailer, dripping wet and leaving two sets of footprints behind us as we did. Halfway there Hayden had scooped me up in his arms and carried me in bridal style, leaving only one set of footprints behind for the rest of the way.

That night we showered together, caught up in the adrenaline of our escape and heated pool makeout session. But aside from more kissing, nothing had happened, and we continued with our lives. He had now basically moved into my trailer, he spent every night here, his car was parked right outside, and he even had his own toothbrush, no longer using the spare one I had.

Everything between us had quickly changed from 'best friends' to 'domestic partners' after that kiss. And I didn't regret it one bit. We had discussed our feelings towards each other very vaguely. I was never good with that kind of stuff, admitting feelings is hard, and he's just a little shy and awkward whenever feelings get brought up.

We had a mutual understanding that we liked each other, but we also understood that we weren't necessarily dating each other. We were just two people who spent 90% of their time together, slept in the same bed, and occasionally had very heated makeout sessions that would end up with me on top of his lap.

A few weeks ago he told me about this role he had auditioned for. He was very excited about it, but he couldn't tell me what it was for. He said he would tell me if he ever got it, or if he didn't. He even had to leave early a couple of times during filming to go for an audition.

One of those times was today, he had left the set a couple of hours early and I was now in my trailer. It was 9 PM and I was making myself a cup of tea before I went to bed. I had locked the door, but Hayden had a key so it didn't matter much. I placed the teabag into the hot water I had just boiled and began to slice a lemon. I added a spoonful of honey and two lemon slices, followed by an ice cube. As I went to drop the ice cube in my mug, the door of the trailer unlocked, and seconds later it dramatically slammed open.

Hayden rushed inside with a huge grin plastered on his face. I walked towards him around the counter and smiled back, "Well hello smiley." I greeted him

"Hi P, what's that?" He said as he pointed to the mug behind me. I don't know why, but he insisted on calling me 'P'. It was his favorite nickname he had given me, and I didn't know why. There wasn't even a 'P' anywhere in my name.

"Tea." I shrugged and he stepped closer to me, my back pressed against the counter in response, "Why do you call me 'P'? You are aware there's no P in my name right?" I asked with a tilt of my head.

He laughed and placed both hands on either side of me on the counter before saying, "P stands for lots of things. Pickles, Peanut Butter, party, promise, pe-"

"So my nickname was a result of your hunger?" I asked with a laugh of my own.

"No, if you would've let me finish. My personal favorite is princess. That's what I think every time I call you P." He leaned closer and kissed my cheek softly, but then backed away completely. I frowned slightly at his actions but took the opportunity to walk back to my teacup.

"That's very sweet of you. Now would you like to explain to me why you almost broke down the door coming in here?" I chuckled softly as I motioned over to the door with my head, and then took a small sip of my tea.

"I have good news." He was excited, I could see it in his eyes, and that made me excited too. He stepped closer to me and I placed the cup back on the counter, "Do you remember the role I was telling you about? The secret one?" he wiggled his eyebrows as he spoke.

"Hmm… Sounds familiar yes." I smiled as he walked even closer to me and grabbed onto my arms before speaking through his huge grin,

"I got it." He whispered and I thought I had misheard him. He must've noticed my confused expression because he repeated himself, louder this time, and I squealed in joy for him.

"Oh my god, that's amazing! Congratulations! Can you finally tell me what the role is then?" I exclaimed as his grip on my arms tightened slightly,

"Star Wars." My jaw dropped, I wouldn't be surprised if it fell all the way to the floor, and I felt the air knocked out of my lungs. I have loved Star Wars ever since I was a kid. I was Princess Leia for Halloween for the first 4 years of my life, and then I went as Darth Vader until I was 16.

"Holy fuck." That was all I could say as I reached my arms around his neck and wrapped him in a hug, "That's incredible Hayd, I'm so happy for you." I whispered into his neck softly. He pulled away from the hug slightly so he could look into my eyes and said,

"I get to be Anakin Skywalker. Darth fucking Vader." He had a look in his eyes I could only describe as a child-like glee. He was so happy in this moment and I could basically feel it radiating off of him, and it consumed me as well. I once again felt the breath being knocked from me as I hugged him again, tighter this time.

He placed his arms around my waist and lifted me into the air, spinning around a few times and I squealed as a result. He then casually shifted one of his hands down to my thigh, encouraging me to wrap around him. I looked into his eyes which were full of love and joy, and I couldn't help but place a soft kiss gently on his lips. He returned the kiss and I could feel his smile growing stronger. The kiss deepened as always and became heated and passionate in a matter of moments. He walked over to the counter and placed me on top of it, standing between my legs and never breaking the kiss.

His hands remained on my thigh and waist, squeezing softly every so often. We broke away from the heated exchange for a moment to catch our breath. He rested his forehead against mine, one of my favorite things he does before he softly uttered three words that caused my heart to stop.

"I love you."

I backed away slightly and gazed at him in disbelief, "You-- what?" That was all I could manage to say.

"I love you, and I need you to know. I've loved you since I first laid my eyes on you, and I will love you until my dying breath." He spoke like a poet, his liquid-smooth voice sent chills all through me. I knew I loved him, but I always tried to avoid romantic love and stick to a platonic sort of love. I thought it would be easier that way.

I had failed miserably, however, and I often found myself daydreaming about spending the rest of my life with him. I had never felt so strongly about someone before, and I had never gotten along with someone better than him.

"I love you too," I whispered through a large smile plastered on my face. He returned the smile and leaned back in to kiss me. This kiss was so different than all the others, it was full of love and adoration.

He wrapped both his arms around my waist and lifted me off the counter, carrying me to the bed. He laid me down gently and moved his kisses down my jaw, to the pressure point on my neck. I moaned softly at the feeling of his lips against my skin causing him to bite down slightly which sent a rush of pleasure throughout my body.

His hands traveled from my waist to under the hem of my shirt and he began to lift it. I sat up slightly and allowed him to remove the shirt completely, leaving me bare in front of him. He then began to kiss down my sternum before placing a soft kiss onto my left breast, and then the right. I giggled slightly at his sudden confidence and shift from his usually shy demeanor. He raised his head from my chest and looked at me,

"Why are you laughing?" He said with a slight smile,

"I'm just shocked at your newfound confidence." I shrugged lightly, "Does it have anything to do with you becoming Anakin Skywalker?" I asked and his grin shifted from playful to mischievous as he moved upwards and raised himself above me, our noses brushing against each other before he spoke in a low tone,

"Maybe. Or maybe I'm tired of trying to hold myself back from taking what's mine." His dominant tone sent shivers down my body and I leaned my head up to close the distance between our lips. His dominant state remained intact as he swiftly flipped me over so I was now on top of him, straddling his waist.

I could feel his hard-on through his dark sweatpants pressing against my core, and it was driving me crazy. I rocked my hips softly against his, causing him to moan slightly into our kiss and I could feel myself getting wetter as each moment passed. His hands were gripping onto my waist and he began to guide me against him, slowly at first but he quickly picked up his pace.

"Hayden.." I said softly, breaking away from the kiss for a moment to garner his attention.

"Yes, my love?" He breathed out as he gazed into my eyes with lust and adoration.

"Please." That was all I could manage to say, and I had hoped he would take the hint and not make me ask for it. But I was dead wrong.

"Please what? Use your words." His tone was deep and authoritative and his eyes had glossed over with an unfamiliar darkness.

"Please fuck me." I choked out and a sly smirk made its way across his lips before he kissed me again, softer this time, and sat up so our chests pressed against each other. I brought my hands to the hem of his shirt and pulled it off, throwing it to the floor somewhere. I traced my hands along his abs and down to his V-line. He was so perfect, in every way. His entire being had to have been carved by angels, it was the only way for a man like him to exist.

His hands traveled to the waistband of my shorts, wasting no time as he snaked his fingers underneath them and I lifted myself so he could rid me of them completely, leaving me completely nude on top of him. His long fingers danced atop my thighs, teasing my core which was now aching for him. Begging to be touched by him.

I whined softly and a slight chuckle escaped his lips, "You're that desperate for me? You're whining?" I nodded with my eyes shut, unable to look into his eyes. He chuckled again and said softly, "What did I say earlier princess, use your words." My eyes fluttered open and I softly said,

"Don't be a tease playboy." With a smirk of my own gracing my lips. He laughed slightly and instead of a vocal response, he moved his hand from my thigh to the slick that had pooled between my thighs. His soft touch sent shockwaves through me and I moaned louder than I would like to admit, but I couldn't help it. He was so intoxicating.

He rubbed up my slit slightly, collecting a pool of my sex on his two fingers before raising them to my lips, pushing ever so slightly on the bottom one prompting me to open my mouth and suck myself off his fingers.

"Fuck." He groaned out. My actions had encouraged his dick to grow harder beneath me and I smiled proudly once he removed his fingers from my mouth and brought them back down to my heat, rubbing circles on my clit. Incoherent babbles left my lips as he worked me up, before entering two of his fingers into me and slowly stretching me out.

I moaned upon his entry and felt the intense need to pleasure him as well, to give him even a fraction of the pleasure he was providing me. I moved my hand from its place on his neck down to his cock and palmed him through his sweatpants. His breathing got harsher as we continued to pleasure each other, relishing in each other's touch. I felt a familiar know forming in my stomach as he rubbed my clit and now pumped three of his fingers in and out of me at a fast pace.

"Oh fuck. I'm--" Before I could finish my sentence I felt the knot unfold and I had released myself all over his fingers, a prideful grin graced his lips. My vision was clouded with white dots and everything around me felt hazy as his fingers fucked me through my orgasm, the strongest one I had ever had. Especially from just fingering.

I felt the overstimulation of his fingers pressed against me and began to squirm in his lap, trying to get away as he continued pumping in and out of me, but it was no use. His arms held onto me tightly and he continued, and I felt yet another knot forming in my stomach.

There was no way this man was about to make me cum twice in a matter of seconds.

And yet that's exactly what happened. I screamed out as I released onto him again, looking down to see the pool of juices I had released collecting onto his lap, drenching his dark pants and allowing the outline of his bulge to poke through the dampened fabric.

"Holy fuck." I said breathlessly as he removed his fingers from me and flipped me over to my back, removing his pants and boxers in the process.

"You liked that?" He asked teasingly as he began to kiss up and down my body, starting at my pelvis and ending with a soft peck on my lips.

"Mhm." I breathed out, unable to form any words due to the power of the orgasm. He hovered above me with his forearms resting on either side of my head keeping him up. He leaned his head down and placed a kiss on my lips and I felt his rock-hard cock twitch slightly against my thigh, causing me to moan into our kiss.

He reached one of his hands down and pumped himself twice before rubbing in between my folds. I broke away slightly and looked down, and my mouth dropped open as a result. He was huge, so huge I was afraid he wouldn't fit in me. Hayden must have noticed my shocked state and he laughed slightly before pushing his forehead against mine and pressing me back against the bed.

"You'll be okay my love, I promise. You can take it." His words sent heat throughout me and I felt a knot beginning to twist in my stomach. The man had managed to work me up with just his words. I nodded slowly and pressed my lips to his and I felt his tip slowly enter into me, and then I had an idea.

"Wait," I said and he stopped instantly, pulling away from our kiss and leaving the tip of his dick resting in me.

"What's wrong?" His voice was laced with concern as he gazed into my eyes,

"I want to watch," I admitted shyly and his concerned state quickly turned into a lustful one as he crashed our lips together passionately and softly grunted before saying,

"God you're so fucking hot." Distancing himself from me slightly so I could lift my head up and watch as he slowly began inserting himself into me. I watched as his tip fully disappeared, followed by his shaft until he bottomed out inside me, and I swear I could feel him in my stomach.

My gaze never faltered from our connected being as I groaned in pain, and then pleasure as he slowly moved in and out of me. It took a moment before I could adjust to him, and he seemed to be relishing in not only my sensitive state but also the way my walls desperately clung to him. He watched me with a smirk on his face as I watched him pick up his pace, slamming into me faster and faster until he hit a certain spot in me that made my back arch and my head fall backward.

"Fuck you feel so good princess, you're doing so good." He praised me and I could only moan in response, he was fucking me brain-dead and I had no complaints. I had imagined this for so long but now that it was finally here, he had surpassed my every fantasy and expectation by a million percent. His words of approval made my core ache, and I jutted my hips up to grind against the hard bone of his pelvis, creating friction on my clit and pushing me closer to my release.

I felt his hand grip my chin as he pulled me upwards closer to him, softly kissing my cheeks as he jackhammered into me. His soft kisses combined with the intensity of every other movement he made were driving me over the edge, along with the soft grunts and groans he would occasionally release from his plump lips. He stopped kissing my cheeks and remained holding onto my chin, forcing me to look into his eyes.

I felt the knot in my stomach return and when his other hand reached down and began thumbing at my clit, I lost it. I became a loud squirming mess beneath him which only encouraged him to fuck me harder.

"You have no idea how-- how badly I've wanted to see you like this."

He spoke between his panting breaths and with those words, I felt my release coming. "Hayd I'm--" He cut me off with a kiss before I could finish, meeting our tongues in bliss and passion, and he broke away for only a moment to whisper onto my lips,

"Cum for me my love, cum all over me." And so I did. I felt my walls begin to twitch uncontrollably against his rock-hard cock, his thrusts growing sloppy and hasty. I could sense he was close as well, and I encouraged it by purposefully squeezing myself tighter around him and soon enough I felt him twitch inside of me, fully releasing himself into me. I milked him dry and even went as far as to buck myself against him a few times, overstimulating him just a fraction of how he had me.

He collapsed on top of me as he finished, both of our chests heaving with our heavy breathing. I snaked my hand through his blonde hair, twirling strands around my finger absentmindedly while his hand made its way up and down my back. We lay in silence for a few moments, I listened to his breathing slow and he listened to my heartbeat.

"I mean it you know," He whispered softly into my chest and I could sense his usual shy demeanor sneaking it's way back in, "I really do love you." He shifted slightly to look into my eyes, and I felt tears poking at the sides of mine.

"I know. I mean it too. You're mine and I'm yours." I said smiling at him.

And I meant it. Every. Damn. Word.

[a-d-nox]

my experience, given my 9h, one year post uni graduation

so as many people know who have been here for awhile my 9h... its a bit much...

for a long time, i have seen people say that pluto and/or chiron in the 9h would mean that you would drop out of college or what have you.

i am living proof that its not always the case.

my experience was the chiron placement giving me anxiety - i hated that i wasn't as great as i had expected i would be. i hated being a psych major (i feel like i have a decent ability to listen and advise others, but it just didn't feel right after 3 years in the major). my department then was shaky because the psychobio/pharm side was questionable at best; maybe one or two people would pass the tests the rest would fail and then it would be curved. the teaching style didn't work and their were no other professors or tutors available to help (WHICH IS INSANE). so i was feeling hopeless and anxious... and depressed... i couldn't see myself passing a test at the end of the term let alone going on to help others if i couldn't understand (which i connected with grades - it didn't matter how many mind maps i made on a topic) the material.

we can skip the dark crap that i went through during that time too because we have already talked about it-

so i healed myself (chiron can be wounded, but he was healer first foremost) by changing my major (pluto is the change).

yay english major - the venus there is really "a doing (learning) what i love" signifier in my opinion.

all this conjuncts my mc, so yes - i got my degree, awards, and lots of people knew what i went through by the end of it because i wrote about it in the school newspaper.

BUT ON TO THE REAL REASON I AM WRITING THIS.

what happened when i stopped being in a learning environment?

it's been a year. to be honest, the 9h chiron feeling is crawling back in. i am sure everyone notices that my posts are more sporadic and just less in general. i am mentally exhausted - i work an 8-5p corporate office job (not in my field). it's hard to not feel uninspired by the end of my day. i feel like i am becoming stunted.

my brain was a sword and without school and constant/consistent learning (especially in areas i am interested in), i feel my sword is without a whetstone.

not to be a complainer (but yes to complain) corporate america squeezes out your motivation, your creativity, and your drive if you are there long enough and if you are in the wrong spot long enough. in my situation, i feel like i try to ask questions and make change and i get rejected? so more stunting.

i feel like people would disagree, but with a 9h like i have (or if you have any of these objects singularly), you have to keep learning. you have to be in the right environment that allows you to continue to expand your being. you have to read outside of work, get certification, take classes, maybe even get more degrees.

personally, i feel like i am not as intelligent as i was a year ago - i'm tired and uninspired. i am tried of fighting for something different where closed mindedness exists. i never felt more free then i was when i was in a classroom.

to wrap this up, it doesn't matter how scary the house looks (chiron, pluto, etc). it needs your attention. if anything, you need to nurture it more. just because you didn't have the best experiences in the area doesn't mean you should ignore it - your "wounds", the "darkest" areas in your life still need your care. wounds heal and without the darkness we wouldn't know the beauty of the light.

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© a-d-nox 2024 all rights reserved

[ramblingoak]

how about being caught kissing with the cardinal?

Ooo yes, wouldn't that be nice! I wouldn't mind getting caught doing worse with him to be honest... Prompt is from this list of Kiss Prompts!

Yay Satan Day

Cardinal Copia x Female Reader ~ Copia does his best to distract you from your job

Warnings: Copia being a smug shit, vaginal fingering, nsfw, 18+ only, MDNI, 1600 words

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He was doing that stupid thing with his eyebrows again.

You and Cardinal Copia had been stuck in a meeting with Terzo for close to an hour now.  Sister Imperator had instructed you all to create an event to try to bring the local community closer to the church.  ‘Something to show them we don’t spend our days sacrificing babies and having orgies’ were her exact words.  At least the baby part wasn’t true, but you knew of at least four orgies that had taken place in the last week alone.

“We should call it ‘Yay Satan Day’.”

“Can we focus on actually creating the event before we name it?”  You pretended you didn’t see Terzo rolling his eyes.  “And for the last time we’re not calling it that.”

Copia sighed and his chair creaked as he leaned back in it.  You gave him a quick glance but then forced your eyes away.  Most days you had a hard time keeping your eyes off of him, but it was always harder when he wore the white suit.  The bastard had to have worn it on purpose today judging by how he waggled his eyebrows every time he caught you looking at him.  You had no idea how this man had become a Cardinal, let alone win all those stupid employee of the month awards.  He wasn’t listening to a damn thing Papa was saying.

Terzo himself didn’t seem to be focusing that much either.  You really didn’t blame him, you were the one technically in charge of all the event and party planning at the abbey.  Usually Terzo’s main job at these things was to show up and look pretty.  The only thing he seemed interested in helping with today was naming the event, but he kept pouting after you shot down all of his ideas.  You weren’t naming the damn thing ‘Yay Satan Day’ no matter how many times he’d suggested it.

“Sorella?  Do you agree?” 

Fuck.  You focused back on Terzo who was looking at you expectantly.

“Yes sorella, I would like your input as well.  On his idea.”  

That son of a bitch.  You looked down at your notes to buy yourself some more time.  All you had on there was a small doodle of one of Copia’s rats.  You looked over at him, narrowing your eyes at the stupid smirk on his face.  When he raised an eyebrow you gritted your teeth and glanced away.  You were going to shave both of his eyebrows off when he fell asleep tonight.

“I think that as long as we uh, well as long as we stay under budget that should be feasible.”  

You wrote a quick note down like the responsible event planner that you were and smiled up at Papa.  Now he was raising one of his eyebrows at you, but you kept the smile on your face, refusing to back down.  Terzo chuckled and then popped up from his chair, straightening his clothes as he made his way around his desk.

“Well this has been great fun, but I’m afraid I’m needed elsewhere.”  You hid your notes when he stopped by you and tried to give him an innocent look.  “I’m sure you two can handle everything else, si?  Cardinal make sure my banner gets ordered.”

“Of course, Papa.”

When you spun in your chair to glare at Copia he was ignoring you and picking imaginary lint off his suit.  What the fuck had you agreed to?

“Ok, you two have fun, but not in my office.  Ciao!”

“Okie dokie, Papa.”

Copia caught your eyes as he called out to Terzo before the door shut behind him.  

“Copia, what does this banner say?”

“Nothing special.”  He bit his lip for a moment before continuing,  “Have you kissed me today?”

“Yes, several times this morning.”  You threw your pen at him, laughing when he squawked as it hit his suit.  “Have you forgotten already?”

“Ah well, you know.  Silly me.”

He held out your pen but as soon as you reached out to grab it he took your hand and tugged you out of your chair.

“Copia, no, I don’t have time.”  You sighed in exasperation when he successfully pulled you into his lap, not that you had put up much of a fight.  He wrapped an arm around your waist and held you tightly against him, smiling smugly at you the whole time.  “Are you happy now?”

“Mmm, si.  Very happy.  But…”  He stuck his bottom lip out a bit and you sighed.  “I wish we were kissing.”

“Oh, do you?”

“Very much so.  I think I deserve at least one for helping during the meeting.  Maybe two.”

“I’m sorry, how did you help?  All you did was make stupid faces at me!”

“I said I’d order this banner, didn’t I?  That’s very helpful.”

You wiggled around in his lap so you faced him, ignoring the little pleased grunt he made.

“You’re not ordering anything, Copia, what does this banner s–mmph!”

A hand in your hair and his mouth on yours stopped your question.  Normally you’d be annoyed at this tactic, but it had been a while since you’d kissed him last.  You settled against his chest, deciding to just let him win this time.  He made a pleased sound in the back of his throat and deepened the kiss, his tongue slipping in to tease yours.  After a few minutes he pulled away, sucking your bottom lip between his teeth for a moment before leaning back to give you a lazy smile.

“We should put you in a kissing booth for this thing.”  You groaned and tried to get up, but his arms stayed firm around you.  “No, no I’m serious!  You’re very good.”

“Copia, come on.  I’ve gotta go.”

He sighed and loosened his arms.  You immediately got up before he changed his mind, spinning and stepping back to lean against Terzo’s desk.  You watched as he rose from his chair, grunting a bit as he straightened up.  He reached down to tug at the crotch of his pants to give himself more room.  You felt endlessly pleased that he was already half hard just from a kiss, but when he noticed your smug look he raised that damned eyebrow again.

“Something to say, sorella?”  When you shook your head he stepped closer, resting a hand on either side of you against the desk.  “Do you like getting me all riled up?”

“Yes, I do.  It’s great fun.”

Copia muttered ‘brat’ under his breath before moving in to take your lips again.  This kiss was much more intense, your mouth opening under his immediately.  You buried your hands in his hair while his came down to your hips, his hands squeezing your flesh and urging you up.  Without breaking away from his mouth you let him help you onto Terzo’s desk, ignoring the sound of things clattering around as Copia shoved them out of the way.  Once you were settled he placed a hand on your knee, slipping it under your habit and up your leg.  The leather of his glove was warm against the skin of your thigh and you moaned into his mouth when he reached the hem of your panties. He broke the kiss and rested his forehead against yours.

“Are you wet for me?”  You gasped into his mouth when he ran a finger over the silk covering your cunt.  “If I take my glove off will I feel how much you want me?”

“Only one way to find out.”

Copia growled, bringing his hand up to his mouth and tugging the glove off with his teeth.  Another growl rumbled in his chest when he tasted you on the leather.  When he was done he tossed it behind you onto the desk and leaned in to kiss you again.  His bare hand quickly found its way back under your skirt and you gasped when his fingers slid under your panties.  He rested one right at your wet entrance and you both broke away again, panting into each other's mouths when it easily slipped inside.  A smug grin broke out on his face, but before you could snap at him the door opened and Terzo waltzed back in.

“What are you two still do–ai!  No!  What did I say?!”

You shoved Copia away and jumped down from the desk, frantically straightening your skirt.  Terzo had switched to Italian as he and Copia began to snap back and forth at each other.  You grabbed your pen and notebook from the floor, freezing when Terzo turned with a finger pointed at you.

“Sorry Papa!”  He waved a hand at you and then stomped over to his desk.  Muttering under his breath as he straightened up the things you and Copia had knocked over.  You glared at Copia when he snickered as he walked towards you.  “Stop that!  You got me in trouble.”

Copia grabbed your hand, grinning as he tugged you towards the door.

“Far worse things have been done on that desk.  He’ll get over it.”  

“Hey!”  Both of you turned at the sound of Terzo’s voice, you watched warily as he glared at you with his hands on his hips.  “We’re calling it ‘Yay Satan Day’.”

“Ugh, fine!”  You ignored Terzo’s triumphant grin and turned back towards the door.  “I hate you both.”

“Si, I know.”  Copia opened the door for you and squeezed your hand when you went into the hall.  “Let’s uh head back to your room to clean up a bit, okie dokie?”  

More shouts from Terzo stole your attention away and you peered around Copia to see Papa poking something on top of his desk.

“Cardinal!  Come get your glove!  Satan, where has this thing been?!”

You looked at Copia and smiled before squeezing his hand back.

“Okie dokie.”

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

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[sir-yeehaw-paws]

I know he's canonically infertile, but do you think Big Boss would have kept the kids if they weren't clones, or at the very least be involved in their lives?

Hello Anon! "They're no sons of mine." "Just a bunch of cells grown in a lab?" "What they are is much sicker than that." -Big Boss and Ocelot, Truth Tapes, MGSV.

Oh man. This is one of those things I waffle on hard. Because I think the real root of BB not wanting to have anything to do with the kids is because their creation, and existence, was born of betrayal.

BB knew people were thinking about him passing his genes along. It's hinted at a little bit in MGS3, if in a sort of 'off-handed' way, but he was certainly aware people around him (like Para Medic) thought about it and had considered it.

To me, one of the key issues with the clones is that he wasn't given a chance to say 'yay' or 'nay'. Everyone just did it behind his back, because they had access to his DNA. That alone (the non-consensual aspect) is more than enough for him to reject his 'sons' completely.

And he isn't wrong to do so, in this regard. The sons themselves are innocent, but that doesn't make it easy for BB to accept them as 'his' when he wasn't given a choice, or any form of capability to consent.

There was also the timing. NOT that him being cloned against his will would ever, in any circumstance be okay, but at the time, BB was still grieving the Boss, and had been used and betrayed by the USA. I tend to keep in mind that the US using him was a betrayal for BB, because before that, he willingly followed the will of the government.

Something the Boss herself warned against.

Caps: DiamondDogs

After all that, people he considered his friends, also betray him. By this point BB must've truly felt that he can't trust anyone, and that no matter where he goes, someone out there is only going to see him as some kind of glorified tool; no matter how much he might've trusted them, or how strong their relationship was.

With all that being said, if we do remove the cloning aspect, and assume the twins to have been born the normal way (that is, the old-fashioned consensual way with Eva) would he have kept them?

I'd say it would depend on the circumstances. There's a brief period after MGS3, before The Patriots are formed where BB is working odd jobs, and just trying to find his place again. Could he ostensibly settle down and be a standard all-American family man?

Honestly, I don't really think so. I think that he knows and understands warzones the best; and that he has a level of discomfort with society that is hard to ignore. I think BB would end up finding a warzone or war-adjacent zones anyway, and that anything else just ends up being a temporary delay or temporary reprieve.

Having children would get in the way of that. (Until later, of course..we know he has Chico and children in Zanzibarland, by the time he's a full-out warlord)

Which shifts me into the secondary aspect, or a possible alternative-BB accepting his sons when they're old enough to be 'useful' to him. In this case, they'd be part of his soldiers, his men, and work under him. Obeying him the same way any of his other soldiers do; and working for the same 'end' goal.

I think he and Liquid would clash even without Liquid's ever-present desire for patricide, but I imagine he and Dave would get along to some degree, if they had aspects they could bond over. Even if that bonding only ever boils down to 'sitting side by side doing some task or another, and not saying a word' Maybe hunting together, or other things they can share.

I don't know that BB would ever see himself as a 'family man'. But I could see him accepting them as his sons if they were wanted by him to some degree. Or slowly accepting them in his life, if they were brought into the world with his consent.

There could maybe be an argument of him accepting them despite the non-con aspect, but I think it'd be more with an element of 'you're men that I respect and like, but I can't call myself your father'.

Which is..essentially what ends up happening, way at the end.

Caps: Shirrako

TL'DR: Maybe he would, but it would be a victim or a situation of circumstance, IMO. I'm open to thinking about it further and discussing it more, though.

[linagram]

[ 𝙿𝚛𝚎-𝚃𝟹 𝚅𝚘𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝙳𝚛𝚊𝚖𝚊 #𝟶𝟷 ] 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙲𝚑𝚘𝚒𝚌𝚎𝚜 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝙷𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝙼𝚊𝚍𝚎

yay yay the verdict system reveal is here!

hopefully it all makes sense and is not too confusing... also please keep the ending of this voice drama in mind for the future :)

(the door opens)

Hinode: We're here.

Miki: S-sorry for being late!..

Hinode and Miki: ...

Hinode: Huh.. Maybe he's hiding somewhere?

Miki: W-why did he ask us to come anyway?

Hinode: Who knows. *sits down*  The third trial is going to start soon, so it's most likely related to that.

Miki: ".. The third trial.."

Hinode: Is something wrong, Miki-san?

Miki: .. It's just..

Miki: I can't believe we've come so far.

Hinode: Yeah.. You're so strong, you know that? I've joined you all very recently, but you've been here since the very beginning.

Miki: .. Eiji-san is very strong too. 

Miki: I hope he comes back soon.

Hinode: .. A-ah, right.

Jackalope: What, are you sad that such a pretty girl is ignoring your compliments?

Hinode: Ah, here you are.

Jackalope: Hm? No screaming this time?

Hinode: Well, I'm kinda used to your company and your sudden appearances, so..

Hinode: The only downside is that I have to try really hard not to sneeze because of my allergies, haha..

Miki: ...

Jackalope: Hey, Guard 002, is everything okay?

Miki: .. I don't think you're actually worried about me, so let's just get started, okay?

Jackalope: .. You've really changed, huh?

Miki: Please, just tell us why you've called us here-

Miki: .. I forgot your name.

Jackalope: *sighs* Fine, let's just get into it.

Jackalope: So. The third trial.

Hinode: (to Miki) Told you it's gonna be about that.

Jackalope: By the way, how has everyone been doing lately? I'm especially curious about the guilty prisoners, considering their punishments-

Miki: I'm sure you know everything already.

Miki: Innocent prisoners have started to feel better, thankfully, but the guilty prisoners..

Miki: Well, w-we had another suicide attempt and a lot of murder attempts as well..

Hinode: Honestly, I'm worried about some innocent prisoners too. They have been acting.. a bit suspicious lately.

Jackalope: Yeah, you all have a lot of work to do.

Jackalope: So, the reason why I have called you two here..

Jackalope: .. Do you already know how you're going to vote everyone this time?

Hinode and Miki: Huh?

Miki: Well.. We have to watch their videos first, right? That's how it's always been..

Hinode: Is it possible that this time our decisions will be especially important since it's the last trial?

Jackalope: All of your decisions are equally important, but I don't think you two realize that.

Jackalope: You don't know what is going to happen to the prisoners after this, right?

Miki: ...

Hinode: So, how exactly this trial's voting will go? Is there anything we have to know beforehand?

Jackalope: Well, first of all, you all have to know how Milgram's voting system works.

Jackalope: The prisoners have to go through three trials. They will be voted either guilty or innocent after each trial ends. 

Jackalope: Every single verdict matters. 

Jackalope: The prisoner's fate depends on the "combination" of verdicts they got.

Miki: !

Hinode: A combination?..

Jackalope: Let's go through all of the possible combinations, shall we?

Jackalope: Let's start with the best one!.. For the prisoner, that is.

Jackalope: What if a prisoner is so lucky that they end up getting not one, not two, but three innocent verdicts?

Jackalope: Well, first of all, they get to return home safely, so that's already good.. again, for them.

Jackalope: But wait, there's more! The prisoner also loses all memories of their murder and the same goes for everyone who was either related to that murder or heard about it.

Miki: Loses.. memories?

Jackalope: What, are you surprised? Come on, you have no right to say anything about this after punishing the guilty prisoners.

Jackalope: But yes, the prisoner and everyone around them forget about the murder completely! And not just about the murder, they forget that the victim even existed!

Jackalope: So yeah, all of their problems just get solved magically and they get to continue living their life peacefully.

Jackalope: Obviously, they won't remember anything about Milgram as well.

Jackalope: Now, let's see who has a chance to get three innocent verdicts..

Jackalope: Right now, Prisoner 002, Hanasaki Aimi, Prisoner 007, Yano Asahi, and Prisoner 010, Himura Reina, have two innocent verdicts.

Jackalope: So, do you think they deserve to live such a happy life?

Miki: "I'm not sure about Aimi-chan.. But maybe it really would be better for Himura-san to just forget about everything."

Miki: ".. I definitely want Marito to live a life like that."

Jackalope: There's also.. another thing that can happen to the prisoner that gets three innocent verdicts.. 

Jackalope: But we're not gonna talk about that. Basically, it's supposed to be a reward for them, haha.

Hinode: Hold on, what kind of reward-

Jackalope: Anyway, but what if the prisoner got only two innocent verdicts? Well, the order of those verdicts matters a lot.

Jackalope: For example..

Jackalope: If the prisoner got two innocent verdicts after the first or second trial and also got an innocent verdict after the third trial, they will be able to go back home and everyone around them will forget about the murder and the victim!..

Jackalope: .. But they won't.

Jackalope: The prisoner will still remember everything perfectly. They will remember their life in Milgram too.

Hinode: I see.. So it's like a punishment for them still getting a guilty verdict once?

Jackalope: Correct. It may sound good at first, like sure, nobody remembers about your murder except you, but..

Jackalope: .. If you still feel bad about it, well. Sorry about that.

Jackalope: Right now, Prisoner 001, Miyagawa Akio, Prisoner 003, Ishizu Shun, Prisoner 004, Chiba Naomi, Prisoner 005, Sanada Kei, Prisoner 006, Yoshioka Eiko, and Prisoner 009, Kuroki Riku, have a chance to go back home while still having memories of their murder, but otherwise being safe.

Jackalope: All of them have been voted innocent once, but also have been voted guilty once as well. Whether or not they get forgiven this time is your choice to make.

Miki: .. Hinode-san, do you think your brother should-

Hinode: .. I don't know. 

Hinode: Actually, maybe it would be better for him to just forget about his victim entirely.

Hinode: But that's not possible, considering his verdicts, haha..

Jackalope: Well, but what if you discover something truly horrible about that prisoner?

Jackalope: What if you thought someone this nice doesn't deserve to be in a place like Milgram, but then you watched their video and found out that they've done something disgusting and immoral?

Jackalope: This happens all the time here, trust me.

Jackalope: So, the prisoner who got two innocent verdicts after the first two trials, but got voted guilty in the end will be able to go back home..

Jackalope: Except they will get punished right before that and any wounds they got because of it won't be treated. Psychological damage also counts.

Miki: .. W-what?

Hinode: I'm sorry, but how is that supposed to work?

Jackalope: Well, for example, the prisoner may lose their arm or get shot, but we will still send them home.. except they will most likely bleed out on the way and when they get to finally see their family again, they will already be dead.

Hinode: By the way, how exactly the prisoners are going to be sent home? Do they just get teleported or-

Jackalope: Right now I'm supposed to tell you about the verdict system. Nothing else. 

Jackalope: The prisoners are the same: Hanasaki Aimi, Yano Asahi and Himura Reina have two innocent verdicts, but you can still vote one, two, or all of them guilty, if you so desire.

Jackalope: I wonder who's going to end up not so lucky this time..

Jackalope: And now, the worst option out of them all.. again, for prisoners.

Jackalope: Three guilty verdicts.. means death penalty. Simple as that.

Miki: D-death penalty?!

Jackalope: Come on, you thought everyone is going to make it out alive?

Hinode: But.. How exactly are they going to be executed?

Jackalope: I'm just going to say that it's going to depend on their crime and how they acted while staying in Milgram.

Jackalope: Right now-

Jackalope: *sighs* Well, we have only this loser. 

Jackalope: Prisoner 008, Maruyama Yurika. She got voted guilty twice.

Jackalope: She's cute, but.. She's been causing way too much trouble. 

Jackalope: So I won't judge you if you decide to vote her guilty again this time.

Miki: ".. Do I.. really want Maruyama-san to die?"

Jackalope: But what if our dear prisoner actually got lucky in the end?

Jackalope: What if they got voted guilty twice, but after the third trial, their sins finally were forgiven?

Jackalope: Well, they'll still have to stay in Milgram for some time. Three days, to be more exact.

Jackalope: And after that, they will be allowed to go home.. Unless..

Jackalope: .. If they do something that will leave us no other choice but to punish them again, they will get executed.

Jackalope: We shouldn't feel bad for them if they can't behave even for three days.

Jackalope: Oh, and obviously, they will still remember everything when they come back home. And so will the people around them.

Jackalope: They will still be a murderer. They will still be seen as one. They will still be punished as one, if they get caught.

Jackalope: .. This is the kind of fate that awaits Maruyama Yurika if you decide to forgive her.

Miki: "I wish I could forgive Maruyama-san, but.."

Miki: "After everything that happened, will she really be able to "behave"?"

Miki: "And also, if she just continues to do her job, she will most likely continue killing people as well."

Miki: ".. I guess I would forgive her if she did it only for the money, but.."

Miki: "I don't think that's the case."

Jackalope: So, what will happen to the prisoners who got voted guilty after the first or second trial and after the third trial, but still have one innocent verdict?

Jackalope: They will go home, sure. However..

Jackalope: When they come back, literally everyone will know they are a murderer.

Jackalope: So they will have no choice but to either let the outside world judge them or try to start a new life as a different person somehow.

Hinode: But.. How will everyone know that they were the one who did it? 

Hinode: And what if most people already knew about it, but still didn't do anything to stop them?

Jackalope: You really think we can't just tell the authorities about them? 

Hinode: But what if they won't believe you?

Jackalope: They will.

Jackalope: Right now, we have a lot of prisoners with at least one guilty verdict.

Jackalope: So, if Prisoner 001, Miyagawa Akio, Prisoner 003, Ishizu Shun, Prisoner 004, Chiba Naomi, Prisoner 005, Sanada Kei, Prisoner 006, Yoshioka Eiko and Prisoner 009, Kuroki Riku, get voted guilty this time..

Jackalope: This is what awaits them.

Miki: "Considering some of the crimes, I'm sure some prisoners would either get imprisoned for life.."

Miki: ".. or get a death penalty, just not in Milgram."

Jackalope: And.. Oh, I think that's all the combinations, actually.

Jackalope: So.. "All Innocent", "Trial 1 or Trial 2 Innocent and Trial 3 Innocent, but still one Guilty", "Trial 1 and Trial 2 Innocent and Trial 3 Guilty", "All Guilty", "Trial 1 and Trial 2 Guilty and Trial 3 Innocent", and "Trial 1 or Trial 2 Guilty and Trial 3 Guilty, but still one Innocent".

Jackalope: Choose wisely.. or don't. It's up to you.

Hinode and Miki: ...

Jackalope: Well, if you don't have any questions, I will be leaving-

Miki: Wait!

Miki: Will Eiji-san join us this time? Is he okay?

Jackalope: Ah, that guy..

Jackalope: Yes, he will. It's just that he won't interrogate the prisoners in person.

Jackalope: It's like him and Hinode have switched places, haha.

Miki: Thank God..

Jackalope: By the way, he already knows about the verdict system.

Miki: Huh?

Jackalope: I've told him earlier. I had to listen to him ramble about how his brother deserves to be executed in the most brutal way possible..

Jackalope: And to be honest, I'd love to see Prisoner 005's execution. I'm sure it would be a fun one..

Jackalope: Except that will never happen because he still got one innocent verdict. 

Jackalope: By the way, Miki..

Jackalope: .. Eiji wasn't happy to hear that you voted his brother innocent while he wasn't able to participate.

Miki:!

Hinode: Miki-san, are you okay?..

Miki: .. I..  

Miki: I forgot about that..

-----------------------------------------------------------

???: So, what did they think about the verdict system?

Jackalope: Well, they weren't exactly happy about it, but I'm sure they'll figure everything out.

???: I can't wait to see how the things will go when that guy returns.

???: But isn't his arm okay now? I'm sure he can interrogate them in person now.

Jackalope: Well, they can still touch him. 

Jackalope: And also.. It was Eiji's decision.

???: .. Interesting.

???: .. So he wants to show everyone how strong he is, but he's still too scared to even talk to them in person.

???: Haha.. Man, he really is pathetic.

Jackalope: He's still a murderer though, remember that.

???: Of course I remember. 

???: Seriously, the fact that we went and made murderers judge other murderers.. 

???: They even have all their memories intact. They know well that they are murderers, but they are still happy to judge people who are just like them.

???: Most likely because it makes them feel in control. It makes them feel like they're better than them. 

???: Sure, they are criminals, but they got this job. Not anyone else.

???: That must mean something, right?..

???: .. Haha. Well, let them enjoy this feeling while they can.

???: In the end, they will be judged as well.

[collegetennisoriginstory]

I wanted to throw in my opinion on the Trans MC if you want it! Option 3 would be a lot of extra writing and coding, so I get that it wouldn't be a decision made lightly and it would be added pressure to get it right and it's a sensitive topic for sure. I will say that if you chose to go this route tho, it would make a huge difference and mean a lot to us. I'm a trans athlete, and the lack of representation can be really discouraging. It's time like these where we are receiving so much hate, especially when it comes to sports, that allies could really step up and make a difference. Reading can really open people's minds! It may be difficult and uncomfortable, and take extra work, but that's our everyday tbh. We out here living on hard mode 😂 that's just my thoughts on the matter but I will respect you and read your story either way. Much love 🏳️‍⚧️♥️

Hey! Thank you so much for sending this! This gets long, forgive my wordiness.

First off, I really feel your statement to the bone, the part about how allies could step up and make a difference, and how positive rep in media, games etc. is insanely important.

So many stories, TV shows, movies have shaped my experience of being queer and POC, and while some of them have been nice just so I could see someone like myself being represented, the ones that really made an impact are of course the ones where these identities were explored in a sensitive, thoughtful way. (When I watched Saving Face for the first time at 17, about a queer Chinese American doctor, I bawled my eyes out and dont think I've been the same since).

I would absolutely love if CT:OS/my IFs could do this for trans athletes too.

I've seen/heard so many worrying statements about trans athletes (both in real life and in the media)—and it makes me so sad.

Some that really get me really riled up are: The idea that a trans athlete's accomplishments mean nothing because they "have an unfair advantage" (or putting it down to "just hormones" or whatever instead of recognizing the hardwork, skill, and dedication behind EVERY successul athlete, trans or not). Or the idea that trans athletes shouldn't get to choose to be trans if they want to be athletes. Or the idea of policing trans athletes' bodies or forcing them to undergo surgery in order for them to be "valid"...

Well, FUCK THAT. FUCK those people.

If my IF can help celebrate trans athletes, and combat/shut down the really harmful (and ignorant) rhetoric out there? I'd love to do that.

But since I am not trans myself, it feels doubly, triply important that I wade really carefully here. I'd really need to spend time making sure I like and can stand behind what I'm putting out. I don't think it'd be responsible representation, otherwise!

I'm not really a perfectionist about my writing and that's how I make progress on my IFs while working a full time job. I'm more the... "slap shit tgt, get it out there, get feedback and edit if I feel like it" kind of writer. And I don't think I'd be able to finish CT:OS / Merry Crisis any other way. But when it comes to race, gender, and sexual identity? I really. Really. Wanna get things right.

(I rewrote that Rayyan convo about being a POC athlete with Deepal so many times haha and it was already marginally less scary, since I am a POC athlete.)

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I agree it's so goddamn important to have trans stories, and rep, especially in sports, where views are often so toxic and polarized.

But I don't think I know yet whether I see my IF being more a simple "yay, trans rep" kind of space or an actual deeper exploration of what it means to be a trans athlete. I was quite prepared to add the option to be trans (+ any accompanying scenes etc.) when I have the complete CT:OS 1st draft, but I was also toying with the idea of just putting something imperfect into the game earlier.

Faced with indecision, I've opted for: procrastination. I am still waffling, but it was helpful to hear what you guys think. Thank you so much for your message.

Lots of love, keep being awesome ❤️

[gallifreyanhotfive]

You know the anxious feeling you get when you're almost done writing a chapter for a fanfiction and you're wondering if anyone will like it? Wondering how many people will open it and be disappointed? And you've worked hard on this chapter, have been writing and editing it for over a month, and you know some people won't appreciate the effort that went into it? That they might hop onto your Tumblr and send you a message or leave a comment disparaging it? That even though you tagged it thoroughly and warned people about what your purpose behind writing it is, they might argue with you, try to convince you to change it?

This might just be my anxiety disorder speaking. Feel free to ignore the anxious ramblings of a fic writer.

But the thing is, I've been a fic writer for over a decade. I know the sort of comments I could potentially get.

I am anxious. No matter how many wonderful people read and comment on my fic, I will always be anxious. You cannot separate me from that anxiety.

Oh dear.

But I suppose this is also me saying I'm almost finished the next chapter!!! Yay

[samila4life]

Sam x Mila ~ Pink Meets Black

Mila.

She was like a constant pink blur in his otherwise gray and black world. A bubblegum explosion of frills and lace, with a smile so wide and sparkly it practically screamed fake. Her long blonde hair was always perfectly curled, her nails were always painted the most obnoxious shades of pastel, and her high-pitched giggle grated on his nerves every time she saw him.

Sam didn't know what he had done to deserve her undying affection, but for some reason, she loved him. She'd pop up when he least expected it, bouncing into his personal space like an overzealous puppy, trying to break down the walls he’d spent years building.

It was infuriating.

"Sammy!" A familiar voice chirped from behind him. He froze, already knowing who it was without turning around.

He felt her small hands tugging on the sleeve of his black leather jacket. "Sammyyy!" she repeated, drawing out his name in that sugary tone that made his skin crawl. He sighed deeply, clenching his fists in his pockets before slowly turning to face her.

There she was, wearing a pink miniskirt that barely covered her thighs and a matching crop top with the word "CUTIE" bedazzled across her chest. Her heart-shaped sunglasses perched on her head, and she was holding a glittery purse shaped like a cupcake. Everything about her was wrong, from her obnoxiously happy aura to the way she always smelled like cotton candy.

"What do you want, Mila?" Sam growled, his voice low and rough.

Mila giggled, oblivious to the venom in his tone. "I was looking for you, silly! We were supposed to meet up, remember?"

Sam frowned. He did not remember making any such plans. But then again, Mila had a tendency to create plans in her own mind and assume he’d agreed to them.

"I never said I'd—"

"Anywayyy!" she interrupted, clapping her hands together excitedly. "I was thinking we could go shopping today! You know, maybe get you some clothes that aren't all black? It’ll be so fun!"

Sam stared at her, utterly bewildered by her persistence. "I don’t do shopping," he muttered, crossing his arms over his chest in an attempt to put more space between them.

Mila pouted, her glossy lips forming a perfect little frown of disappointment. But within seconds, the pout was replaced by a blinding smile. "That's okay! We dont need to buy you things! You can just carry my bags! Pleeease?"

For some inexplicable reason, the word "no" stuck in Sam’s throat. He wanted to say it. He wanted to tell her to leave him alone and stop pestering him with her endless enthusiasm. But something about the way she looked at him, with those wide, hopeful eyes, made him feel... guilty? No, not guilty. He didn't care about her feelings. Or at least, that's what he told himself.

Before he could respond, Mila grabbed his hand and tugged him forward, dragging him toward the shopping district. Sam resisted at first, but Mila was surprisingly strong for someone so small and, well... pink.

"Fine," he grumbled under his breath. "But don’t expect me to enjoy this."

Mila squealed with delight, completely ignoring his reluctance. "Yay! This is going to be the best day ever, Sammy! I promise!"

As they walked through the crowded streets, Sam couldn’t help but feel like a dark cloud trailing behind a ray of sunshine. Every step he took beside her felt wrong, like he was breaking some unspoken rule about who he was supposed to be. Mila represented everything he hated: happiness, brightness, optimism. But no matter how hard he tried to shake her off, she kept finding her way back into his life — and maybe, just maybe, into his heart.

PT. 1

[thatluckybear]

I finally figured out how to do a solid roman cancel combo with Baiken's Youzansen. It took a lot of tinkering to find all the little flaws in my execution. I will outline them all now in hopes this will help someone in the future. (version 1.37 but some bits will be universal.)

here is the combo I learned: https://streamable.com/w3cclh

here is the notation for the combo: [2]369S 66fRRC j.H 9 j.S j.H j.236K c.S 6H 426HH

For context I wanted to learn the high part of Baiken's high/low mixup so I practiced from a blocked c.S. Everything I figured out works with 5k too though because it's also jump cancelable. So here's all the stuff I learned:

TK YZN. It's not really possible to do Youzansen with tiger knee inputs for this combo. Instead I buffered the jump behind c.S/5k by tapping 9 before inputting the 236S. If you do it with a little rhythm the timing is very easy. The reason this matters is if you don't do the TK inputs perfectly with enough frames between the 2 at the start and the 9 at the end you'll get a super jump which will bork the combo. Buffering the jump is far more consistent although it's annoying because I spent so much time practicing the TK input but whatever.

66fRRC. ignoring the f in there for now but doing a dashing red Roman Cancel was a challenge. I realized the best way to do it was with the dash button but my button layout made it hard to press P+S+HS+66. So I mashed all 6 buttons since only the Roman cancel can come out, I don't think you can burst while attacking. That said I found it inconsistent and ended up doing P+K+HS+66. for reference I use a 6 button fightstick layout and the top row is P > S > HS and bottom row is K > D > 66.

now the f. so the f in the notation (66fRRC) is "fast" and I didn't get this at first but it's pretty simple. If you hit a button during the first few frames of a RRC it cancels the animation. It's simple but not easy especially when learning a new combo but after a while it worked out fine. I had to really dial in my yzn>RRC before I could practice this properly.

hold 6. I finally got to the point where I was trying to hit the j.236K and uh... I was so far away? I realized that when I input my yzn I was letting go of 6 (forwards) and wasn't moving during the jump cancel. So I held 6 and it worked. Yay an easy fix!

Once I got through these different mechanical hurdles all that was left was to practice the combo and I hit it pretty soon after. It took me days to figure out why I was stuck at each point but once I dug into each mechanic I was able to dial it in and land the combo pretty consistently. Now I need to retrain my brain to use the jump buffer instead of TK in matches. Soon I'll be a high/low menace.

Fighting games can be really fun but this took way too much effort. Huge thanks to someone who posted this Baiken Bible online. It has a more in depth description of the jump buffer as well as an alternate method of a "no high jump yzn" if you're stuck there. Hopefully it will be updated for each version but who knows?

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1wI1xy8EfEdy6A2Fm0Z1XnvNFF6jZaWWD2tSUfRYgezM/edit?usp=sharing

[catnykit]

𝔽𝕝𝕠𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕡𝕤 𝕗𝕣𝕒𝕘𝕞𝕖𝕟𝕥 #𝟙 𝔸 ℙ𝕆𝕆ℝ 𝔻𝔼𝕍𝕀𝕃

𓃠 𓃬𓃠 𓃬𓃠 𓃬𓃠 𓃬𓃠 𓃬𓃠 𓃬𓃠 𓃬𓃠

Mastertag

AHJSOWNXOQNIXNQ I CANT BELIVE I'LL FINALLY WRITE ABOUT MY OWN CHARACTERS AAAAAAA

TY ALL MUTUALS AND PEOPLE TO INSPIRE ME TO DO THAT

THIS IS JUST A BLOOD LOSS WHUMP DRAFT,BUT WHO CARES AAAAAAA

pls tell me if you want to be tagged for more stuff like this idk

Word count: 1674

𓃠 𓁹𓃠 𓁹𓃠 𓁹𓃠 𓁹𓃠 𓁹𓃠 𓁹𓃠 𓁹𓃠

Warnings

;Suicide/suicide attempt

Blood loss

Torture hints/mentions

✨️Trauma,Of course

Mourning(????? Mild mourning???

Self hatred

Major character death :)

All warnings happen almost randomly,But not immediatly,Like— I gotta first explain and then the fuss happens you know

𓁹 𓁿 𓁹 𓁿 𓁹 𓁿𓁹 𓁿 𓁹 𓁿 𓁹 𓁿 𓁹

The dizzness was starting to became hard to ignore

Damm,It was expected,You cant lock yourself in the bathroom after accidentally torturing an innocent and then go free like nothing

Well,In her defense,Carmen did not knew that liam was innocent

Now she was the monster here,Isnt she? She had good meanings,The suspect's actions were too much to get ignored by the police Even if she was there,All by herself,She could still hearing her friend's cries that night....

She didnt know what happen in the woods until she saw wesley,Her best friend,Cover in a blanket while sitting in the border of an ambulance

They were shaking,All bloody.Carmen couldnt let the things like that!! Since childhood carmen was told she was 'way too impulsive' And why would they care?! She only did what was needed

Blood didnt stop coming as the yells didnt stopped. They wanted her to go out of the bathroom. Now.

Of course,The needed was to kidnap liam and torture them just like he did with wesley....

So one good day,She grab choloform and kidnap him in the middle of the night

How fun!,Guts,Blood,Burns,And a little syringue to make sure they dont pass out

The begs where even more satisfactory considering that,It was probabily how wesley beg in liam's hands,he deserve it!

What was not fun Was the call....

After being done with liam,And without any more ideas She decided to call wesley!,Yay!

Little problem,She did not tell wesley anything about her little plan ....Carmen was sure they would accept no matter what.

Or maybe she fogot it? In all the rage?

Staying awake was hard,Breathing was hard. She deserved it thought. They were always right and this wasnt the exception.

or Atleast thats why she throught

It didnt matter now

God,Wesley was mad.

So,So mad :(

And they had the right to be it! It was the wrong person!! Carmen is the heartless monster In here.....Atleast that was Wes said.....

"B-But I did it for.... you!"

"YOU'RE A MONSTER— I CANT BELIVE SOMEONE CAN BE THIS...TORTUROUS!"

God,And they used to be friends

Dear fucking God,It was truth....

Liam was aslo bleeding out,Atleast kind of

Carmen was so careless that she sewed up the wound with the first Thing she found,It wouldnt last forever

But the diference is that wesley was there for him

Such a backstabbed!,Or was she?

Did it care anyway?

Why was wesley yelling at her to get out?

Why did they wanted her alive?

Wesley was just there,Outside the bathroom,Trying to get who was once his friend out,For their own fucking sake

Liam was still there too,Watching quietly the blood stain the floor under the bathroom's door;All while squirming slighty In pain

The sedatives of the first aid kit did barely anything,Atleast he wasnt crying

Wesley was scared too,Goddamit,They were way too scared of anything that happen

Why the fuck did they told carmen about it? Knowing how she was?

It didnt matter now,They went mad and they know it.

They aslo knew that she was way too sensitive for reasons that they told eachother on countless outings to eat, walks, just being together

The worst part it was how close they were from eachother,And how that somewhat end in this absolute Mess

Now wesley has to cope with Not one,But two persons bleeding out.

Why do they always need to be so rude?

They felt way too guilty too

Guilty about the person in the couch who didnt hurt them,But everyone thought against it because they say "He look similar"

Well,They didnt know it was gonna end like this.

They didnt know how Mad carmen was for someone hurting them

How much Rage in order to find someone to blame

It wasnt till then that they noticed The stain that they relized it. All the restroom was quiet since they kick the door open to the basment And find their best friend torturing an innocent person,Liam They didnt think carmen could do this and yet? It was there Just there And the worst part its that All was Her fault,Thats what she thought. Carmen was alredy blood-stained when she run upstairs trying to hide from wesley,Who didnt stop yelling at her how much of an horrible person she was And in part,It was right,The problem is that She alredy knew that. She alredy knew that So when wesley saw the blood under the door,open the damm bathroom door, He wasnt ready. He had to leave liam just to... Just to see it? How one of the most important persons in his life was laying om a pool of her own blood.

Well,She regret it.

How do you deal with the thought that you're a monster who deserved to be put down?

Its not like somebody would care anyway,Is not like they would care anyway

by this point,The blood lossed was enough to just

Pass out

Wesley was terryfied. Standing there,In the bathroom door....

Liam was still laying on the couch,In pain after Everything that carmen put them throught horryfing torture...

How was they supposed to fix this?

Was it any way to do it,Was it possible?

And now they were crying.Over the dying figure of someone who tried to be a good person And failed.

𓃠 𓃬𓃠

Carmen was...confusing

A year ago,They were the one in an ambulance

And they werent that...bad

wesley remembered how bad it was... They remember a strong hand dragging them to the white van They do remember the pain,They got beat up and starved But that was nothing compared to what carmen did to liam

What was most heartbreaking it was that there was no "villian" to blame

The ones who actually kidnap them were in fact,An entire gang.

They got confused following instructions and end up getting the wrong guy

Wesley

The gang promised them that,If they didnt say a word they would free them and never meet agaim

Wesley accepted

And now they're here

With two people on the ambulance

All because they didnt talk...and because carmen went insane

was it her fault tho?? Wanting revengue for her friend??

Was it wesley's fault? They were too focused on trying to keep liam alive they didnt notice when carmen— ... Carmen was only concern. It was her fault the way she decided to be ruthless about it But she didnt deserve...death. She thought she did tho That was wesley's fault.

Wesley was shocked when carmen,Practically drunk called him to say to him that she kidnap one of the suspect and gut him alive.

And other unspeakable stuff that left Liam way more broken than Wesley. All in one night.

The second worst night!— who would guess it...

Wesley tried to get an first aid kit being on the restroom, trying to atleast help liam

Even so,They did not measure their words....

Carmen felt hurt. Attacked,Even so!

by a Friend. That she thought she could trust... But could she? They instead called her inhuman and disgusting Because? Just for wanting revengue? Camen felt alredy sick when she lock the bathroom door and got left alone with her thoughts... Thoughts that didnt stop ominously chanting what wesley said. Liam was innocent you heartless monster.

Liam was innocent.

Liam was fucking innocent

All this time it was wrong

Because liam. Was. Innocent.

There was no one to blame more than the monster that looked back in the mirror The monster that did all of that to an innocent person The monster that cried while hearing who was supposed to be their friend yell at her for all that she has done Nothing but a fox that deserved to be put down

She was gonna get killed anyway,If she didnt do it,The police would.

So...she did it

Eventually wesley give up and just stay,Trying to keep liam alive

Wesley thought that carmen would just hide in the bathroom

The police would kick the door open and all would be over

Carmen felt backstabbed.

Wesley wouldnt even care,Probabily.

He did.

He did when they understood that it went more far than that....

She was dying. Atleast liam was stable She wasnt. Wheb the ambulance finally arrived to the place,Wesley finally got to open the door snd rushed to her The cuts in the wrist were too deep. Too bad. While he tried to hold on her,To just try to stop the bleeding and made her sit up,To just have a last moment!... She lean in his ear whispered with hatred,Her voice straned because of the blooe loss

:"Hypocrite."

the whisper of the devil. A self-proclaimed demon

Wesley was destroyed

Liam was healing

And carmen died. That very night,Commited suicide

All because wesley went mad. All because they didnt say a word

All because carmen was impulsive,And ruthless

All the pain for revengue,All the death for guilt

All for nothing at all.

𓃠 𓁹𓃠 𓁹𓃠 𓁹𓃠 𓁹𓃠 𓁹𓃠 𓁹𓃠 𓁹𓃠

YAYYYYYYYY I FINISH IT

TYSM ALL OF U

@theres-whump-in-that-nebula

@sillywhumpcreature

@whumpy-wyrms

(The ones who anwsered the last post :3)

:D

Pls tell me if you want a taglist,I think im gonna do more content if you guys like this <3

i gotta admiiit this wasnt what I had in mind buuut...again is just a draft sooo

Yes.

[raccoon-eyed-rebel]

Part 22 - Geralt

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Part 21 -- Part 23

Summary: The guys throw a New Years Eve party at 179th Crescent Street...

Warnings: Drugs (weed and alcohol), senslry issues.

Word count: 2.1k

A/N: Geralt is up! It's a shorter chapter than the other ones, because he didn't have a lot to say... I'm also happy to announce that all the NYE chapters are finished as of right this g'damn second! So: YAY ME! Enjoy!

Let me know what you think! 🥰

@deandoesthingstome @geralts-yenn @summersong69 @peaches1958 @fvckinghenrycavill @keanureevesisbae @livisss @sillyrabbit81 @ellethespaceunicorn @ylva-syverson @poledancingdinos

I’m barely aware of the things that are happening in the kitchen, going on auto-pilot, until Leon asks where Sherlock is. 

“In his room,” Mike replies, “he wouldn’t last five minutes tonight if he had to deal with all of this, too.” He’s not the only one. For starters, it’s not ideal for Mike, either. 

“We’ve got it from here,” I say. As far as I’m concerned, he’s done his part in setting up for tonight by getting the internet to work. My words come out harsher than intended. Fuck. I know he’s not mad - he’s Mike. It would take a lot more to upset him, and he knows as well as I do that I’ll be running on reserves, too, before the evening is over. 

Unlike Mike, I don’t envy Sherlock. Hiding from the fuss surrounding these preparations wouldn’t do me any good. I’d still hear everything, and I somehow find it easier to ignore a noise I can see the source of. My eyes involuntarily move to the little plastic bag on the table. At least I’ll be able to sleep. Sol follows my gaze, and her eyes go wide when she sees what I’m looking at. We’ve had a few long conversations - at above average volume - about the fact that I occasionally get stoned - or, as she’d rather call it; ‘my drug use’. The last of these arguments happened while she was holding a glass of wine. She didn’t appreciate my pointing out that alcohol is a hard drug. No one ever does. With time, she’s grown used to it, but she isn’t exactly comfortable with how open we are about it here. I still don’t understand the fuss. It’s not like we’re doing anything illegal. 

The hand on my back belongs to Sol. I don’t have to look to know that. I don’t even have to think about it. I just know. That knowledge doesn’t stop me from shaking it off nearly immediately. Usually, her touch calms me down, but not tonight - not right now, at least. It’s just another sensation to overwhelm me even further. There just isn’t anything she can do for me right now. When she looks at me, there’s a sliver of sadness in her eyes - a sadness I don’t immediately connect to my instinctive rejection of her touch, and with that, her intentions to comfort me. Until I do connect the dots, and end up feeling worse 

“It’s just a bit much,” I say, unsure of who I’m trying to convince I’m alright, her or myself. “I’ll be alright.” 

That last part isn’t a lie. No matter how exhausting this can be, it hasn’t killed me yet. At this point, after all this time, I think it’s safe to say that it won’t. 

When Sherlock steps into the kitchen with Elena, he looks just about as miserable as I probably do - and he hasn’t spent a second downstairs yet. Thanks to the noise downstairs, I couldn’t be completely sure about why they’re so late, but I can make an educated guess. Sol is still standing next to me. I know she feels bad because she can’t help me, which means it’s time for me to suck it up and at least try to have a good time here until she can help me. I take her hand and pull her along to where August and Sherlock are standing. At least I can reasonably count on them enjoying this nonsense as much - or as little - as I do. 

“Should I be glad Elena gets along with Anjelica so well?” Sherlock asks August while side-eyeing the girls and their animated conversation. The benefits of this party being so tremendously noisy is that everything turns to white noise nearly automatically. Normally, it would be a chore to tune out a conversation taking place so close to me, but right now, I don’t have to hear what the girls are talking about at all. Sol joins the conversation without too much effort, and I can see a faint smile on her lips when she sees me with the guys.

“Oh, we don’t get a say in these things.” I manage to very slightly startle August when I come up behind him. It’s never my goal, but always a nice bonus. He’s perceptive, tough to sneak up on, and his reflexes are insane. It’s what makes him a good boxer. A very good boxer. “I’m fairly sure we’re already doomed.”

Sherlock raises an eyebrow, clearly confused by my words. As much as I think we shouldn’t laugh or make fun of him because of it, his lack of experience can be quite endearing. “What do you mean?”

“I heard that they’re planning a girls night.” Gossiping isn’t something I enjoy doing, but I think the poor man deserves to know at least a little of what is about to hit him. August groans so softly I almost miss it. He’s damn right to, honestly. I like to think Sol isn’t the gossiping type, either, but I know better. When in Rome… 

I’ve accidentally overheard plenty of these conversations between women. They’re completely exhausting to listen to, and that’s only in part due to the fact that during a twenty-minute conversation, there’s maybe a total of three finished sentences. What continues to surprise me most, however, is the amount of detail these discussions contain. I know very few men who would be as specific. Sure, the jokes around the house can be… somewhat graphic, but they’re absolutely far less informative. Something I’ve always found striking about these conversations is that there doesn’t always seem to be a clear point to them besides purely the exchange of information - no problem to solve, no question to answer, nothing to gain from these talks other than curbing their annoyingly insatiable curiosity. Women. I’m sure I’ll never come to understand them. And I promise it’s not for lack of trying. 

“That usually means that all of them are going to be told every minute intimate detail of your relationship, so they can… I don’t know why they do it, just that they do.” August seems to be as lost on the reasons behind this interesting yet insufferable ritual. 

“How intimate?” Sherlock asks. As previously mentioned, I believe we shouldn’t make fun of his inexperience, which makes me hell-bent on controlling my face upon hearing the alarm and astonishment in Sherlock’s voice, and all the more glad that August does the smirking for me. 

“Yes, that intimate,” I answer, my voice significantly more strained than I had initially planned on, both from my efforts to keep my composure as well as my own mild terror at the thought of having my sex life painstakingly dissected by a group of girls. 

“We’re not looking forward to it, either,” August adds. 

“Not looking forward to what?” Elena asks as she wraps her arms around Sherlock. I can’t help but smile when I see it. They’re good together. 

“Nothing,” the three of us say at the same time. It’s suspicious to say the least, but I doubt we’ll hear much more of it. 

Something happens in the living room that we decide to ignore. Things settle down quickly, there’s no need for us to get involved in that. My head is pounding from the noise so badly that I barely notice Sherlock and Elena taking off. Good for them. Part of me wishes I could call it a day as well, but I can’t bear to spend time without Sol yet, and she’s still having a good time catching up with Anjelica. I know we won’t last much past midnight, so I just have to make it until then - a task that might just be made much easier by Ange’s discovery of what Mike has been up to in the living room. Solveig doesn’t even roll her eyes when she says it, either because it’s worse when I get high than when others do it, or because she realizes I could use a little peace and quiet. 

The cold and fresh air help tremendously, and although the windows are hardly enough of a barrier to completely block the sounds from inside the house, they drown out enough to make it more manageable. Sol stays close, which I appreciate now that I’m not ambushed by a hundred sensations per second. She’s not cold - she’s used to harsher winters than the ones we get here. It doesn’t stop her nose, hands or feet from freezing. It just doesn’t bother her. Bothers me, though. It’s like sharing a bed with an icicle. 

“Did you guys step outside when you saw me leave the living room?” Mike asks. August, Anjelica and I shrug - a clear admission of guilt. We know him a little. If one of us had so much as for a second suspected that our intended leeching would piss him off, we would have stayed inside. But it’s Mike. He grumbles something semi-annoyed while handing a joint to Dani and sits down to get to work on another one. 

“Thanks, Mikey.” It’s always Ange. Mikey and Anjelica have something in common I can’t put my finger on, exactly. A certain way of understanding each other that’s very difficult to explain. Something so innately platonic that even August isn’t threatened by it - which is quite rare. She sounds tired, I notice, and she does a very good job of not looking the part. Anjelica thrives around people. Pressure. Pain. Although I completely understand why Sy questions the nature of Ange and August’s relationship, I  never did. It makes perfect sense, it always has. In a way, they remind me of me and Solveig, though we have a more flexible dynamic. For a short moment, my thoughts jump to Sherlock. He had the same control issues we do. August and I. Part of me wonders if his preferences will turn out anything like ours, and I briefly wish I could be a fly on the wall during that girls night… I dismiss the thought instantly. Gossip. Despicable habit. 

Mike hands me a joint, which I take from him gratefully. If I can just get my thoughts to calm down, the noise may become manageable enough to sleep later. I’m only vaguely aware of the conversation about the unrest in the living room earlier. There seems to be quite a lot of guilt there that Mike can’t seem to shake. It’s understandable, but I feel it isn’t necessary. Danielle seems to understand what he’s like better than anyone I’ve ever met - including us, and we’ve been living with him for a year and a half at this point. I hope they make it. 

The six of us barely make it twenty minutes past midnight before we decide to call it quits. Mike makes a break for the stairs, leaving Dani with me and Sol. When we step into the hallway, Mike is already halfway up the stairs. 

“Where is he?” It’s tough to be sure from the side, but it looks like Peter, Marshall’s best friend. “Mike, I swear, get the fuck out of my way.”

I can’t say I appreciate the amount of drama I’m getting caught up in tonight. Charles - of all people, ironically - would likely suggest we leave these things to the girls, because they’re better at it than we are. After tonight, I am inclined to believe that both sexist and - as it turns out - a lie. Men are more than capable of causing a scene. Sol is standing next to me, Dani is right in front of me. I can see August, but not Anjelica. I’ll just have to trust that she’s okay. Knowing her, that shouldn’t be too much of a problem. I hear footsteps on the stairs that belong to Marshall - clearly the person Peter is looking for to begin with. Despite the alcohol and weed - maybe even due to them - I’m alert. Tense. This probably isn’t a fight I want to get caught up in. Marshall wouldn’t want any of us to, anyway. 

“Peter, leave him alone.” Mike tries to stop Marshall as he walks down the stairs, stubbornly staying exactly where he is. It’s clear he trusts Peter about as far as he can throw him right now. We’ve all met him multiple times, and he’s a good guy, but we’ve never seen him angry. And those hockey guys can fight… “Mike, it’s okay. He’s after me, not looking for trouble. It’s cool, back off.” 

[the-ellia-west]

hio

am bored and procrastinating a bunch of stuff so i decided to drop this random excerpt from one of my wips into your inbox for no reason at all hope you don't mind btw

ps: if u do just ignore this cya~

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"...the sky isn't looking its best right now…" as if mirroring my thoughts, shifting my eyes again, they gazed at you.

"...." my words aren't forming anymore, my thoughts aren't churning anymore.

All I can feel is this emptiness around me, chilling and unforgiving 

My eyes alone are what's keeping me from faltering,

Lost in my own mind I kept Gazing at you.

"...you always hated bad weather, didn't you?"  Not that you remember anyway,

"...although if you asked me there's nothing bad about rain or storms,"  despite their darkness they are still beautiful  in my eyes.

"..maybe sometimes misfortune happens through them, but that doesn't mean it's fully theirs to blame,"

It's nobody's fault really, accidents happen all the time, people constantly make mistakes.

They won't  be human if they don't.

They trip and fall, they forget and miss up, they bumble their way in life until they die.

it always has been this way, from aeons past till this day.

People never stopped bumbling their way, whether it's through their life, their work, their hobbies 

Or their relationships, people keep going on with their day bumbling here and there 

Falling down and getting back up, forgetting and remembering, people are just humans after all 

They keep trying throughout all of their bumbling, 

Hoping for a change someday.

Like me finally getting my feet here after all these years!

Yay I guess?

Every time I tried to convince myself to come here I failed, every time my feelings overwhelmed my resolve.

Just thinking of you had me breaking apart, tearing up, screaming and crying…it was all far too painful to bear…so i selfishly ran away, 

"....i missed you, you know…i..these years…without you..they," bumbling my words, I stopped  to try and speak coherently.

Once again I searched for my words carefully and awkwardly.

"...those passing years have been crazy…those years of my life were so long yet so short," 

As if having a mind of its own, my mouth started  talking, pouring my deepest thoughts to the world,

"Everything went by so quickly, so vaguely,...moments I thought would last forever turned into unclear images and memories," 

Somewhere in myself started to hurt,

I don't understand what hurts so much.

"..things I thought would last forever ended far sooner than I was ready for….things I took for granted, people who were always a part of my life, simply vanished,"

I…don't want to understand those tears

"....those years without you had been hard, they were painful and tiresome and ..and…confusing," 

Blurred with tears my eyes can't see you anymore, 

"I…kept going," 

As if you will reply, I reported my small achievements to you.

" I didn't lose to the pain,"

Except when it came to visiting you,

" I didn't  forget you, if you are wondering by the way haha," 

As if I would be able to! you idiot, 

"...I'm slowly getting back on my feet," 

…I'm sorry

“....”

"..it's still painful and sad sometimes…but I'm getting there,"

As slowly as I can, carefully and timidly,

I'm getting there

"...thank you for being a part of my life" closing my blurry eyes I finally said those words.

As if a burden had been lifted off my chest I breathed in relief.

Finally opening my eyes, I looked towards you once again.

"…sorry for taking so long to come and see you,"  

I couldn't bring myself to do it, no matter how many times I tried, I couldn't come here.

Wow...

Idk what to say,

Just... wow...

It's poetic, the dialogue is beautifully written, and it's honestly a little bit chilling.

The ending

MAKES

ME

WANT

MORE

[borathae]

DONE WITH ANOTHER EXAM u know what that means???

Chapter 34

fuck where is yoongi 😭😭😭kook come to ur senses please

OMG YOONGI wait did he just come because of kook, bruh we could have made out like a week ago 😔✊🏻

omg im so scared and nervous i wanna cry even tho its kook being scolded

NO DONT KILL HIM WTF YOONGI NO

“Thanks, but I can manage myself. I did so splendidly in the last two weeks” fr

He made you believe that he abandoned you. And now he is back. the entire para just summed up what we all felt Your anger feels so misplaced. Yoongi had a lot going on. After a millennia he felt again. He must have been so overwhelmed. Who knows what guilt and pain he went through those past two weeks. that is also true and idk what to feel aaaah feeling the pain of both people. DAMN U JUST PORTRAYED THAT SO WELL AND SUBTLE I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE IT

Where are those goddamn band aids FUCKING REAL U CAN NEVER FIND IT WHEN U NEED IT and u will find it in the same room, same drawer a week later 🥲

You made him turn his emotions on. It was your fault that he left in the first place. Be angry at yourself, that’s what you should do. its not exactly your fault, just a situation that had to happen

“Stupid bathroom!” you yell, throwing another cabinet closed. #justiceforcabinet2024

wow why is he so chill all of a sudden *trust issues be working on overtime

Is that what Jungkook could have too? 😭😭 yoongi pls dont leave again, i wanna be extra proud of kook

oh kook is sleeping for now (wtf i felt like a mama bird for a second there)

“Yes?” he exclaims, turning around almost excitedly. sir whats going on?? is it the emotions??? omg he is a pookie pls i love him bing bang boong forgiven already, who left for 2 weeks? nobody, idk such a thing

Now that he is so close again, you have forgotten everything you had wanted to tell him. oh it wasnt just me lol

“Doesn’t matter, I’m back now”, OK THATS IT FOLKS HE IS GOING TO LEAVE AGAIN 😭😭😭

oh a new plant 😭

Is he just staring? Oh dear. He is. PLEASE OUR SHY KITTY 😭😭

Oh how excited he sounds without even noticing that he does. 😭😭 do you want all of us to just cry every damn line? cuz u had done it

Yoongi is by your side, pretending to do the same while in reality he was looking at your face the whole time. HA SIMP ALERT (pls simp more we are simping for it)

“It’s not bad”, he agrees. You scoff, “such enthusiasm” Yoongi stumbles after you down the path, grumbling quietly. he is such a tsundere kitty i cant OFC HE LOVES HAND HOLDING NEVER LET GO

They are so bloody tiring” mood but numbness is too scary soo..

“They’re flowers, I don’t see any difference”, he grumbles, I LOVE HIM AND THE WAY YOU WRITE HIM I LOVE THEIR BICKER OVER SORRY HIS GRANDPA RUN AAAAH *watches a compilation

YOONGI BOONGI YAY HE ACCEPTED IT HAHA CUTIE PIE

“Forget it. I didn’t want to do it anyway”, i was cackling until i remembered this is how i act with mom, oh mom im sorry

YAY THEY ARE GOING GROCERY SHOPPING ALL DOMESTIC shit taehyung my baby 😭😭 THE JACKET RAAAAH

damn 1963, my mom wasnt born yet

no yoongi we dont growl here pls *blinks 😃😄😃 🫠 “he’s having a phase, please ignore him.” A PHASE STOP 😭

he is trying his hardest to stifle a laugh. THE JOKE PLS I LOVE HER HAHA guess he is going to have a hard time doing that

WE KISSED IN THE SNOW YIPEE YIPPEEE YIPPEEE YEEHAW HEE HOOO ✨🧚🏻🎆🎇💖😍🤩😻

ACCEPT THE COMPLIMENT YOONGLES YOURE A PRETTY MF GOT IT???

HOLY SHIT IT WAS A SPY DAMN WE JUST SAW A MURDER i literally just shivered

oh this time he answers her questions properly thats a difference hm

WTF OOF DAMN I - (did ever tell u that i love your writing and this bombastic story?)

It is not every day that you watch someone get beheaded or find out that someone wanted to fuck your dead body fr im still shivering and goosebumps are still there.

i love when they do vampire zoom haha

I’ve just lived long enough to have learned the skill.” Tae: 😃 ALSO IM SORRY YOONGI I LOVE THAT YOU CAME BACK but when is tae getting out?? 👉🏻👈🏻 great TAE MY BABY IM SORRY 😭😭 I CANT DO ANYTHING

“Are you manipulating me? she may or may not do that, but can she actually do that to you? yeah she cant so stop saying this

GREAT HE LEFT AGAIN WHERE ARE U NOW

i love when they talk, like everything just gets deeper, both her and him, the plot

OMG YOONGI wait did he just come because of kook, bruh we could have made out like a week ago 😔✊🏻

fjasdjf no he was genuinely in the midst of coming back when he suddenly heard the noises and then just came running 😭

He made you believe that he abandoned you. And now he is back. the entire para just summed up what we all felt Your anger feels so misplaced. Yoongi had a lot going on. After a millennia he felt again. He must have been so overwhelmed. Who knows what guilt and pain he went through those past two weeks. that is also true and idk what to feel aaaah feeling the pain of both people. DAMN U JUST PORTRAYED THAT SO WELL AND SUBTLE I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE IT

NO BUT I AM SO :( FOR BOTH OF THEM :((

You made him turn his emotions on. It was your fault that he left in the first place. Be angry at yourself, that’s what you should do. its not exactly your fault, just a situation that had to happen

the way you can see the learned guilt in her and in everything she does :(

wow why is he so chill all of a sudden *trust issues be working on overtime

I feel like he is just really nervous and trying not to scare her away with too much movement :(((

“Yes?” he exclaims, turning around almost excitedly. sir whats going on?? is it the emotions??? omg he is a pookie pls i love him bing bang boong forgiven already, who left for 2 weeks? nobody, idk such a thing

of course it's the emotions heheh <3 he is in loveeee <3

oh a new plant 😭

HE IS IN LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Is he just staring? Oh dear. He is. PLEASE OUR SHY KITTY 😭😭

I LOVE HIGMMGMGM

Oh how excited he sounds without even noticing that he does. 😭😭 do you want all of us to just cry every damn line? cuz u had done it

jfasdjf me fr fjadsjfa

Yoongi is by your side, pretending to do the same while in reality he was looking at your face the whole time. HA SIMP ALERT (pls simp more we are simping for it)

HE IS SO SWEET AND CUTE AND IN LOVEEEEEE

“It’s not bad”, he agrees. You scoff, “such enthusiasm” Yoongi stumbles after you down the path, grumbling quietly. he is such a tsundere kitty i cant OFC HE LOVES HAND HOLDING NEVER LET GO

no but I love him so much!!!!!!

They are so bloody tiring” mood but numbness is too scary soo..

100% :( gosh my boongie :(

“They’re flowers, I don’t see any difference”, he grumbles, I LOVE HIM AND THE WAY YOU WRITE HIM I LOVE THEIR BICKER OVER SORRY HIS GRANDPA RUN AAAAH *watches a compilation

same same same !!! I love him so much !!!!

damn 1963, my mom wasnt born yet

lmaoa mine was like 2 and my dad 3 kfadkf

no yoongi we dont growl here pls *blinks 😃😄😃 🫠 “he’s having a phase, please ignore him.” A PHASE STOP 😭

THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME BAHAHHAHAH

he is trying his hardest to stifle a laugh. THE JOKE PLS I LOVE HER HAHA guess he is going to have a hard time doing that

I LOVE HIM HE IS SO IN LOVEE

WE KISSED IN THE SNOW YIPEE YIPPEEE YIPPEEE YEEHAW HEE HOOO ✨🧚🏻🎆🎇💖😍🤩😻

I genuinely love this chapter so much 😭😭

HOLY SHIT IT WAS A SPY DAMN WE JUST SAW A MURDER i literally just shivered

HE IS SO COOL FOR MURDER THOUGH :)

i love when they do vampire zoom haha

lmaooa me

“Are you manipulating me? she may or may not do that, but can she actually do that to you? yeah she cant so stop saying this

I feel like she can JFAJDFJ he is way too smitten for her JFJADSFJ

i love when they talk, like everything just gets deeper, both her and him, the plot

SAME SAME SAME !!!! I LOVE THEMEEEEEE !!