#yeah he already knew his ass was lying because he (spoiler alert) also only ever got spitroasted with them

[adelaidedrubman]

officially coming out as a john vasectomy truther. he snipped them thangs

[baku-no-alt]

sriracha sauce | 3

bakugou x reader; in which Bakugou and some other students from UA are doing a work -study abroad in NYC. also Bakugou is nice to you for once

cw: like, so many swears; sexual references

You’re sitting in a circle with Bakugou and all of his friends - whose real names you’ve learned by now. Kirishima passes out drinks to everyone, and you gladly take a bottle of beer. 

It’s a comfortable house party. No loud music, no insane partying. Just a group of friends sat in a circle, with maybe a few playing beer pong in another room. You smile and laugh at their jokes and stories, and part of you is jealous of Bakugou for having such an interesting group of friends. He barely joins in on the conversation, but you can tell the others enjoy having him around, even if it’s just to mess with him sometimes.

You drink your beer slowly, wary of the fact that you shouldn’t have alcohol during such an emotional time. It takes the edge off a little bit, but that’s all you wanted. You picked something relatively light - a Heineken - to play it safe. 

Midoriya picks at your brain for a little bit; asking about your Quirk and how exactly it works. You humor him, partly because he’s very sweet and genuine, and partly because you can feel the annoyance radiating off of Bakugou in the background while you talk to him.

“Something wrong, Kacchan?” you tease him, and Bakugou sucks his teeth and turns away from you. Smiling, you return to your conversation with Midoriya. 

After you’re done explaining your Quirk (along with nearly your entire life story), Mina catches your attention. 

“We’re having a quick hang out in my room!” she calls, “Girls only!” 

You grin and wave goodbye to Midoriya, following her into a bedroom down the hallway. Mina grabs your hand and drags you the rest of the way, and you look back to steal a glance at Bakugou as you laugh. 

He’s staring right at you, and your heart jumps into your throat. 

Mina pulls you into her room and shuts the door behind both of you. The rest of the girls - Yaoyorozu, Uraraka, Jirou, and Tsu are already there. It’s immediately obvious that the room belongs to Mina. Everything is pink and girly and gaudy and yet, somehow, she makes it all work. A few of the girls sit on the bed, while Tsu sits on the floor with her back resting against the bed frame. Mina grabs her desk chair and a fuzzy pink pouf from her vanity and instructs you to sit down. You choose the desk chair and she sits on the pouf, tucking her legs under her butt. 

“So,” Mina says, practically buzzing with excitement, “what’s the deal between you and Bakugou?” 

“Me and Bakugou? We’re just roommates,” you reply. 

“Bullshit,” Jirou chimes in, “Bakugou never shows up to these things, much less with a friend. Who’s a girl.” 

“It’s not like that!” you protest, your hands coming up in front of you, “I think he just feels sorry for me. I, uh... broke up with my boyfriend a few hours ago.” 

“That’s awful!” Uraraka gasps.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Mina asks. 

“Mina!” Jirou hisses in response, “Don’t be so invasive.” 

“No, it’s okay,” you say, “I... think I do want to talk about it. A little. If that’s okay.”

“Hold on, I’m getting you another drink,” Mina says, and while she’s rummaging in the kitchen, you and the other girls get comfortable with pillows and blankets. Mina returns with a few more beers and bags of chips and pretzels in hand. 

“Okay,” she says, arranging them on the floor in front of everybody for easy access, “let it all out, girl.” 

“Well, spoiler alert, we broke up because he cheated on me,” you begin, shoving some pretzels into your mouth. 

“Oh, so like, good riddance then,” Jirou says. 

“It must still be hard though,” Tsu adds. 

You crack open your beer and continue, “Yeah it sucks, but I guess I should have seen it coming after I found Tinder installed on his phone a few weeks ago.” 

“What?” Yaoyorozu gasps. 

“Oh yeah,” you smile sarcastically, “This man downloaded Tinder on his phone and when I found it, he told me he was using it to check if one of his friend’s girlfriend had a Tinder.” 

“And you believed him?” Jirou quirks a brow. 

“Now that I’m thinking back on it... no? But I took the excuse because I didn’t wanna deal with a breakup. And I didn’t wanna seem like a crazy girlfriend. I wanted to be the cool girl, I guess.” 

“That makes sense,” Uraraka says reassuringly. 

“Anyways...” you glance at the other girls, “...do you guys wanna know how I caught him?” 

“Oh my god yes” Mina practically begs.

You laugh. “She told me. The other girl he was fucking, I mean. She had no idea he had a girlfriend.”

“Oh, shit,” Jirou breathes. 

“Yeah... she texted me screenshots of their conversations on Tinder. When I confronted him, he actually had the nerve to tell me she was lying. That she made it all up.” 

The room is silent for a moment. 

“But I didn’t believe him this time,” you continue, staring into space, “I told him he was full of shit.” 

You let out a long sigh. “He told her that his feelings for her were the realest he ever had. That she was the most amazing woman he’d ever met. Like I was nothing.” Like you didn’t even exist.  

“Well, guess what?” Mina says, taking your hand and squeezing it. 

You meet her gaze. 

“He’s nothing now,” she says while nodding her head.

“Yeah!” Uraraka says, “Good riddance!”

You feel 1000 pounds lighter, and butterflies erupt in your stomach at the thought of new, genuine friendships forming. 

“Thanks for listening,” you say sheepishly, slightly embarrassed that you opened up so much to a group of girls you barely knew.

“Anytime,” Yaoyorozu replies, smiling.

A sudden knock on the door distracts you, and you reach behind you to open it. You find Kirishima standing there, controllers in hand. 

“Bakugou says you’re good at Smash,” he says, looking at you. 

“I bet he does,” Mina whispers to Jirou behind you, and you step backwards with one foot, aiming to crush her toes. 

“I’ve been known to kick some ass every now and then,” you tell Kirishima. 

“Yeah, unless you’re playing against me!” Bakugou calls from the living room. 

You get up and push past Kirishima into the hallway. You can see Bakugou at the end of the hall, a devilish smirk on his face. 

“Eat my shit,” you taunt him, “I bet I could beat you in my sleep.” 

“Prove it,” Bakugou sneers at you.

“Fine,” you say confidently, “But when you lose, you have to buy me dinner.” 

“No,” he replies, moving closer to you, “when you lose, you have to eat an entire bowl of my spicy ramen.” He punctuates each you with a finger jabbing your chest. 

“Deal,” you smirk and hold your hand out towards Kirishima, who hands you a Joy-Con while glancing back and forth between you and Bakugou. 

“Prepare to eat your words, princess.” 

---

masterlist 

@shareyourfandomfaves, @awkward-tamaki, @ha-tep, @reyna-avila-ramirez-alreanaldo, @ayeputita, @lookslikeleese, @alinakaisato

[wolf-stark]

You ask I deliver — both tfatws asks in one!

tfatws weekly ask 1

i finally saw ep1!! i wont be able to see ep2 until thursday at the earliest but i already have some Thots on this ep. here are the ones I remember

first is, and i'm so sorry for this, a grammar lesson. an appositive is when you stick an additional phrase in between commas, dashes, or the like. i actually just used one! the "and i'm so sorry for this" in the first sentence of this paragraph is an appositive. thing is, most english speakers don't normally use them when they speak, only in writing. so i'm always on high alert whenever i hear somebody in tv or movies use one. (it's generally a marker of bad screenwriting). anyway there was one right in the beginning of the episode. the white army guy yelling at sam wilson said "first lieutenant Torres, our intel officer, will be helping on the ground." yeah so. the writing of this series started out on the wrong foot for me. but the rest of the episode was obviously tons and tons better (every interview i see with malcolm spellman makes me love him more and more)

the contrast between the opening minutes (falcon action sequence) and the rest of the ep.... i would 100000/10 rather watch a series with just sam and bucky dealing with life. i dont give a single crap about the flag-smashers or any of that. i just want sam, sarah & fam getting their boating business back on the ground & yeeting racist dickwads, bucky going through therapy and making amends, sam and joaquin being bros, sambucky homoerotic tension, etc.

the cinnamontography! wandavision mostly used cinematography to signify era n stuff. tfatws doesn't have wv's premise to go off of, so here's some tricks i noticed:

with sam there's obviously all sorts of shots with the captain america iconography next to his face, but he hasn't totally claimed it. there's the mural of steve rogers in the background; there's sam staring into the shield like it's a spectre of steve's face; there's sam looking into the exhibit, the shield and sam separated by glass and a layer of camera focus. steve is a constant spectre, always there, an idea, a symbol himself. sam's relationship with this iconography is distanced. he is separated by glass exhibit walls. by painting canvases. he doesn't yet feel worthy to take on that iconography. this whole thing was pulled off quite well but also a bit on-the-nose if only in quantity. there's just sooooo much fancy iconography stuff

speaking of the exhibit, there's something that i get real pissy about. it's when like, there's an action going on you're supposed to be paying attention to but the cinematographer is like,,,, hey! check out this location! or this headline! or something! there was a lot of that in the exhibit. the camera was like, you could focus on sam and rhodey's convo (which was fine but could have been so much better with an extra like 10 minutes of deep character study talk) but noooo you want me to look at the symbol for the united nations and read all the text about bucky who hasn't even showed up yet. shut up i know the lore and ill watch the shot-by-shot breakdown yt vids you don't have to make the shot this long jkdsalcjklasejf

my fav trick was with bucky and the therapist. i had seen a clip of the scene with bucky and the therapist beforehand and i thought the cinnamontography was super obnoxious, but then i was like, oh duh. the shots frequently change the distance between the camera and its subject. sometimes it's uncomfortably close and sometimes it's really far. a clear allegory for the duality of therapy, esp for bucky! therapy is an invasive process wherein he is ruthlessly examined, picked apart, and berated for his trauma (this therapist is crap in every way btw, "mean therapist" works for greg house and greg house only). so the camera goes close. it makes the viewer claustrophobic like bucky. but when he's like "no i haven't had any nightmares" the camera suddenly goes really far. we see bucky as this tiny head in the center of the bottom of the frame. we are distanced from him. he has pushed us away. we cannot see him. he lies because he is vulnerable. so yeah, amazing work there. the therapy scene was hard to watch on purpose!

did bucky slip a note to yori inside the dollar bill? bucky stop making me emooooo. the suuper awkward fake smile has me 😭 (veteran trying to adjust!)

mark my worrrrds when sam asks someone y the govt picked john “white bread” walker they’re gonna say “we needed somebody everyone can get behind....someone uncontroversial, someone everyone can see themselves in” like that exact racist dog whistle

tfatws weekly ask 2

just saw ep2 so im taking advantage of the 2 seconds i can be on tumblr without worrying about tfatws spoilers before new episode drops

when isaiah said "your people put me in prison for being a hero" and bucky thought "your people" means hydra. 🤦‍♂️

speaking of racism, the interplay between sam being Black (anti-Black racism) and sam being the Falcon (negrophilia, "can i take a selfie w you as i deny you a loan?") and the intersection between the two (j*hn lichrally called sam "steve's wingman"! he takes the crypto out of crypto-racist in like 2 seconds!) !!!!!!!! a Black celebrity's Black experience, the separation of man and identity!!!! (thinking about vanessa bayer in snl in that skit "beyonce is black" telling her black friend "you're not black, you're...my girl!")

after sam gets racially profiled by cops we see j*hn standing in front of cop cars cinematic parallels turns out j*hn is racist who knew

this therapist sucks major ass but she got bucky and sam together in the same room and ready to collaborate...that's something ig. it was lichrally couple's therapy she said she used her miracle exercise with couples sambucky antis get blended

bucky says "he was wrong about you so maybe he was wrong about me"...that's not how people talk. when therapist asks bucky, the guy who doesn't talk at all about himself, "y do you hate sam", the last thing bucky's gonna do is actually connect his hatred of sam to his own self-worth issues. bucky generally refuses to talk about himself, so why would he talk about himself in the one context that nobody ever links back to their own neuroses: hatred of other people? one thing human beings hate most is admitting we're wrong. admitting you hate someone because of your own issues? that's a major therapeutic step. bucky would absolutely have to be prompted to do that. even like one or two lines of dialogue more would have set up that line better. but in terms of the actual thought? an amazing way to take the sam/bucky relationship. bucky bases his self-worth on steve believing in him, and if steve is wrong bucky has no self-worth, so 1) he has to develop self-worth disassociated from steve's assessment of him and 2) he has to love himself before he can love sam, and 3) he has to realize that sam giving up the shield is a sign of sam's humility not his unworthiness.

conversely, we don't get into why sam hates bucky? yeah sam has the right to hate a guy that has tried to kill him (albeit while brainwashed) multiple times, and now shows up in his life just to bash him but. everything happens so fast i cant follow their relationship

in fact i dont feel like i understood much of anything. like y did bucky and sam go on that mission together? how connected are sam/bucky/joaquin with the government? doesn't bucky just want to retire now? literally what is everyone doing/feeling and why???

if battlestar becomes a knowing commentary on the black best friend stereotype i'm gonna party, but i dont expect much of that

the interplay between man and symbol. captain america is obviously a symbol. the shield is obviously a symbol. but steve rogers? the. man behind the cowl? he too seems to become a symbol. a paragon of a good guy, so good he's unreachable. steve was just a guy stop idolizing him the last thing steve would want is to be idolized

as the resident musician/music nerd on mcublr, 1) that captain america rally music slaps, but 2) re: the song at the end of the ep, if you're just gonna rip off mozart's lacrymosa then at least play mozart's lacrymosa. we wont blame you the lacrymosa slaps (if you dont know what im talking about go on yt and search it up youll recognize it fo sho

look i love enfys nest as much as the next guy but if tfatws is gonna get erin kellyman to play another innocent little gurl blackmailed into the fakeout-villain position (her text seemed to suggest as such) then 😡 like why can't women just....be evil? young, freckly, innocent-looking women? girls are not untouchable pure objects but full of rage and resentment just as much as anyone can be

bonus ep1 comment: bucky says about that senator whose car he hijacked, "she continued to abuse the power i gave her." fictionaldarling on yt say that he says "i" because he can't disassociate himself from his winter soldier persona which begets endless and senseless guilt. like dude. can i not be emo for like 1 second.

OKay. First off, as much I enjoy your sending it to me, what made you decide to send me these??

-

TFATWS WA #1

Don't worry about getting this to me as early as possible. I usually don't watch the episode right away.

1. Cool writing lesson.

2. Everyone wants a comedy show [like Friends] about the MCU superheroes.

3. Cinematography is always a beautiful thing.

4. Sam definitely has to carve his own Captain America status for himself, outside of Steve's ya know everything.

5. They have to do that for people who was just now tuning in because they're in love with Sam Wilson or Sharon Carter.

6. I think the therapist was taking a 'tough love' approach for Bucky, because she likely has some very strong opinions about the literal assassin she's been assigned to give therapy too. She did not choose to talk to him, she was assigned that make that clear in the second episode.

And, Bucky isn't lying when he said it wasn't a nightmare. It wasn't a nightmare, it was a resurfaced memory. So, technically he wasn't lying - and yes, the camera does move away because while he's saying he didn't have a nightmare, he's not expanding on what actually happened - so, he's still pushing the therapist/us away.

7. Bucky, and Steve, have/had a TON to adjust to.

8. Yeah, I agree that will be the bullshit line they give. If they ever actually talk about it.

TFATW WA #2

Yeah, always got to take advantage of avoiding those spoilers lmfaoo.

1. Honestly, that line was double meaning. Both about White people and Hydra [which is made up of mostly white supremacists/nazis] So, the line is gesturing to both White People in general and Hydra assholes together. I think the terminology is “double edge sword”??

2. This whole paragraph structure confused me, ngl - so I'm going to answer it the best I can. I do like that they're not ignoring the fact that Sam being Black is 1000% the reason he's not the Official Captain America - because the gov't is racist as hell.

I also like the little lines about how they point out little things about Sam's Falcon persona, like that kid calling him 'Black Falcon' specifically and Sam's response show the split between Sam and Falcon itself.

John is a dick for calling Sam the wingman of Steve Rogers. Sam was a hero all on his own before Steve asked him to join up again. [Side note, it's lichrally??]

3. Exactly, the parallel of Sam being profiled and surrounded while just on the street and John being surrounded by fans and being able to spring Bucky with apparently only a few sentences shows a Loooooot

4. Honestly, at this point I wonder if she's not actually a therapist and is just an agent assigned to assess Bucky outside of an Official Building. I do know, however, that her 'look at each other and speak' exercise is actually a real therapy practice. It's just a little slower.

5. Actually, I think he would've blurted that out. That whole line. I don't think Bucky hates Sam. I think they could've done the scene better, but I think that had Sam prodded him/the therapist been more annoying Bucky would've lost control of his emotions and blurted out the whole "If he was wrong about you, he was wrong about me" but I feel like the writing for this show is just... not there. Sometimes you blurt shit when you get overemotional and I think that was what Bucky was supposed to be like.

6. I don't think Sam hates Bucky, I think he doesn't trust him though. I do wish they'd talked about that though. The whole 'talk to each other' scene should've been a LOT longer and a LOT slower.

7. Sam and Bucky's relationship is being fast tracked because they don't really know how to work the relationship out, writers-room-wise. Bucky is technically retired, but I feel like he's trying to live up to Steve's expectations and doing what Steve would've done and we all know that if Steve was there, Steve would've jumped on that plane with Sam. It looks like Sam/Bucky/Joaquin are a side-team based from Military services but as Sam says they're all free agents so...?

8. Sadly, They seem to just be propping up to be another stereotype.

9. Captain America is a symbol. Steve Rogers is a man. But now Steve Rogers is an idol because of all the shit he's been through and honestly, it's not a bad thing he's become an idol for people - it's using Steve as a reason to make White Bread Walker the next Captain that makes Steve's idolization so fucked.

10. I don't know anything about music so I have no opinion here, sorry.

11. Enfys?? Also, I think they did the whole Innocent Girl Thing as side commentary for Bucky lowering his guard about seeing a young girl rather than a guy.

12. Bucky is the Winter Solider. The Winter Solider is Bucky. That is how Bucky will always see it because although he was brainwashed, it was still him and he remembers all of it. When you have constant memories of something 'someone else' did, you tend to not be able to pull the two personas out of each other. I want Bucky to take up the title, White Wolf instead of Winter Soldier. Honest.

This is all my opinion, I’m honestly a little disappointed with the writing of TFATWS so far so... I’m not really optimistic about this.

[anika-ann]

Hands Too Cold, but Heart of Gold - Pt.3

The Mission

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader, Matt Murdock x reader (no SR x MM x r)

Word count: 2700

Summary: Avenger!reader AU, love triangle. Mission in progress; You’re going in. Spoiler alert: it goes about as well as Steve expected.

Warnings: violence, blood, swearing, banter, unconsensual drug use (kinda?), injury 

Story Mastelist

────── ·❆· ──────

“Alright, guys. We’re clear about everything? I’m coming in first, opening the door for you. Natasha, you’re with Clint, you’re going after Vasiliev and intel. Frosty and Daredevil are onto the girls and their guards. Tony, try to get to the basement level, I’ll join you as soon as possible. Questions?”

“Won’t Secretary Davis be pissed about Frostbite coming to save his daughter instead of Captain America?” you noted, a bit annoyed that you actually had to ask that question. You couldn’t care less and you were actually fine with your task, but… sadly, this was politics too, not just a rescue mission.

Steve sighed. “I’m the leader of the mission. I’ll be everywhere, that has to be enough.”

“What’s in the basement?” Clint questioned and you could see a shadow of worry covering Steve’s face as he put on his helmet.

“I don’t know. And I don’t like it. That’s why I’m sending the least vulnerable people there.”

You gulped, chill running down your spine. You didn’t like they should be going there just the two of them. “You should wait for us.”

Steve shook his head. “Can’t do. If there are weapons the guards can use against you, we need to secure them.”

“Goddammit, Steve! You told me-“

“You have your orders, Frosty. Follow them. You know this distribution of resources makes sense as it is,” he shut you down, his blue eyes piercing yours in warning.

You knew he had told you something he didn’t want to tell the others and you shouldn’t have pulled it out. But you trusted his instincts and you felt like this was the source of his concerns and the others should know that.

You raised your chin, crossing the short distance between you and the Captain.

“You don’t go there alone. You stay with Tony.” He escaped you gaze and you grabbed his forearm. “Steve.”

He looked back at you, his eyes burning with honesty. “Same goes to you, Snowflake. Everyone. Don’t do anything on your own. We’re a team. Don’t forget that.”

As if someone could ever forget being a teammate to any of you – you were all a bit too special for that. But you could see what he meant.

The team nodded in agreement, gradually leaving the jet. They ‘parked’ it about a mile from the building Tony had located the girls in, nothing but woods around you. You kinda envied Tony his suit – what you wouldn’t give for a flying suit to avoid the running right now. Or any time, really.

Alright, stop whining. Let’s do this.

────── ·❆· ──────  

You hated Steve sneaking in alone, but he was your best shot; he could be the most subtle apart from Natasha, who lacked the super-strength needed for breaking the locks. You could have frozen the locks, made them fragile and broken them easily, but Steve was better at hand-to-hand combat, which allowed him to get rid of the guards. Also, his body was less vulnerable. You agreed with Steve being the best choice; however, that didn’t mean you liked it.

When he opened the back entrance for you, you couldn’t supress the wave of relief; he seemed unharmed. It was ridiculous, because the mission barely started, but you hoped that from now on, he wouldn’t be alone.

“The hostages are in the west wing of the building,” Tony’s voice sounded in your ear and you nodded, glancing at Steve one more time. He smiled at you warmly before taking off.

“Stay safe,” you murmured as if he could hear you.

“Let’s go,” the Devil encouraged you softly and you both broke into a jog. Time to save some sorry asses.

The Devil turned out to be a good partner in crime – he always stopped you before taking a turn, warning you when someone was close, which gave you enough time to prepare yourself and won you the element of surprise. Also, he totally kicked ass; so far you had had the opportunity to see him in action once, because your own opponent had already been knocked out, and if you would say you didn’t forget how to breathe when seeing his quick sharp blows, you would be lying through your teeth.

“You okay?” he had asked you then and you had just shaken your head to snap from your trance and beckoned to him to move.

And then there was the door. The door, because Daredevil tilted his head to side, his hand on your forearm to pull you closer.

“Fifteen heartbeats. Four of them younger and scared. That’s our girls,” he whispered almost soundlessly into your ear and you bit your lip, nodding in acknowledgement.

“Weapons?”

“Few riffles.” His jaw tightened. “Probably knives, it’s hard to tell. There is no wood or water in the room as far as I can tell, but there’s lots of metal, the sound is bouncing off it – I think the girls are on the floor, leaning their backs against it.”

You stared, awe-struck, forgetting to try to imagine the picture he was drawing for you; instead, you were watching him as he had a look of the highest concentration on his half-face.

“You okay?”

You blinked, waking up once more. Jesus, get a hold of yourself, loser. “Yeah, sorry. Just… it’s incredible.” He seemed puzzled. “What you can do.”

A brief smile raised the corners of his lips. “Thanks. Not too bad yourself. Work your magic.”

You obeyed, touching the round doorknob, its metal immediately covering in a layer of ice and spreading to the whole door – its temperature dropped enough for the molecular structure to change.

Daredevil spared one more glance at you and the two of you simultaneously kicked out; the door shattered as if it was made of thin glass.

All hell broke loose. You barely managed to disarm two shooters by icing their weapons before a spray of bullets rained your way and you had to take cover behind one of the metal cabinets, the Devil throwing his billy clubs and disarming two others while knocking one out.

“I’m icing the main alley, you okay with that?” you hissed over the distance and he immediately nodded.

Your hand hit the floor, sending a thick belt of ice down the route – to your satisfaction, you could hear the gunmen curse and few of them went down with a thud and blind gunfire to the ceiling as they slipped.

A second later, the path was clear of ice, the distraction allowing you to attack again while the Devil sneaked into one of the smaller alleys, surprising the men from behind.  

Freezing their hands was the priority; the weapons fell on the ground one after another. Unfortunately, that also meant the men went after you and they were really pissed. The ones who could still handle to carry some kind of a weapon switched to blades; Daredevil had been right.

You did your best to fight off everyone who came at you, using an icicle through their limbs when necessary. It was a method far from your favourite, but it was efficient when needed.

The floor was quickly covering in a layer of bodies of unconscious men. It took them a while to realize that their buddies were being attacked from behind by Daredevil – idiots, lots of them.

Receiving a kick to you lower back sending you into a cabinet, making your belly meet the edge, put you into the category of idiots too.

Shit, how had you missed this one? You quickly turned, still leaning onto the cabinet and blocked his lunge by kicking his stomach, making him stumble backwards. Next thing he knew, he was frozen to the wall and you punched him unconscious.

You spun on your heels to look for another opponent, ducking on instinct – a second later, a knife was sticking out of the wall in the same level your head had been.

A crack echoed in the room, followed by an agonized scream. Your gaze shot in that direction immediately, seeing the Devil cracking a guy’s wrist and dislocating his shoulder. You winced. With the man being the last one standing, you only guessed he had been the one to throw the knife. And Daredevil just elbowed his face, his own teeth barred in a savage grin which only a fool would call a smile. The man fell to the ground.

“Remind me to not to piss you off. Ever,” you panted, approaching Daredevil’s masked figure. His hands were clenched in fists, his chest rising and falling rapidly, but he seemed fine. He snapped his head higher to face you better, his posture relaxing just slightly.

“Same goes to you,” he beckoned to one of the bastards who had their thigh stabbed with an icicle, impressively big even for you.

“Didn’t have the time to be gentle.”

“Incoming. Six more men. Fair sharing? Four for me, two for you?”

You gaped at him, not sure if he was kidding or not. The smug was so evident even on his half-face and you just couldn’t-

“Wipe that smirk off!” you hissed at him, laughing, spinning to the girl who didn’t get the memo and hadn’t hid yet. “Go to the corner, take cover. Things might get messy again. Anyone hurt?”

You took the zero response as a no. Devil confirmed your theory. Because of course he would know. He knew fucking everything.

“Which door?”

Daredevil beckoned to the one that were still in place. You grinned, creating a layer of black ice right away. They deserved a proper welcome. Daredevil gathered his weapons and prepared himself too.

Three fingers on Devil’s hand raised.

Two.

Now you could hear the gunmen too.

One.

You hit the ground with your palm once more and let the black ice spread under edge of the door too – they threw it open with their balance already shitty. You and your partner used the advantage immediately. They were disarmed before they even realized what was happening.

The Devil was right in the end – you only got stuck with two opponents, the thugs probably assuming you were the lesser problem. Sweet summer children… the winter is coming, bitches.

By the time you were done with yours, Daredevil was still fighting two of his own, one of them just throwing himself on the armoured figure; you quickly created ice for his feet to be stuck in. He almost lost his balance from the momentum with his feet suddenly disabled. The Devil sent the other man down with a powerful hook, soon elbowing the one standing pretty much frozen behind him to his face. The man lost consciousness immediately, his body going limp; you released his feet.

“Thanks,” the Devil called out and you spent one precious moment shooting him a smile. A second later, his billy club flew inches from your face, successfully taking down a guy behind you that you apparently hadn’t knocked out properly.

“Thanks,” you parroted, your smile faltering. Sloppy.

“That’s why we’re partners, right?”

For a second, you lost yourself in the lopsided grin he gave you. Shit. You heart. His smile widened.

“Get a room,” one of the girls whined and you snapped from your trance, squatting to her to untie her hands. “Thanks.”

“Fuck,” Natasha cursed in your earpiece and you tensed. Had not everything gone as smooth as with you and DD? “Steve, get out of there. NOW.”

Your heart must have stopped that second; she sounded as if she was panicking. Natasha Romanoff never panicked.

“What is it, Romanoff?” Steve asked lowly, a little out of breath. You could hear him fighting and your feet itched to get to the basement. But someone had to stay with the hostages.

“I’ll go,” Devil whispered, brushing your arm and you wordlessly pleaded him to rush. He disappeared in the doorway.

“Just get out! It’s a set up. They’re experimenting, developing an antidote to the serum that-”

She was cut off by gunshot and you sprang to the door as well.

“Stay in position, Gerda! I’m heading his direction,” Devil’s voice sounded in your ear and you had no doubt he was talking to you. You forced your feet to stop, gritting your teeth. If you weren’t so on edge, you might appreciate the nickname he had come up with.

“Steve, run,” you ordered adamantly, silently praying and absently checking on the four girls in the room. They were just bait. Vasiliev knew that taking Secretary’s daughter was a way to get Captain America here. Fucking shit.

Come on, Steve, don’t be a dick, don’t play hero and just get your ass out of there. It’s over anyw-

Three more men burst into your room. Shit. So much for things being over.

You didn’t worry about getting them seriously hurt now. You froze their guns first, their shocked screams echoing in the room as the icy metal gave them an immediate frostbite. Then you created a layer of black ice under their feet, their lunges in your direction ending up in their limbs tangled together. Some of them were frozen to the floor by hands, some of them by their feet, sides. You didn’t give a fuck. You knocked out all of them, stabbing one of the other goons who came back into consciousness with icicle through his forearm. He roared in agony and passed out again.

A different scream made your blood run cold.

You never heard that sound before, but you were sure as hell whom it belonged. It was Steve’s. Steve was in pain. And in horrible pain, because you had never heard him scream.

“Shit!” Tony cursed through the comms and the sound of his repulsors came next. “Romanoff, get the documents on that substance and head to the jet. I’m bringing him in and calling Banner right now.”

You barely heard him over Steve’s cries, though they were falling silent. You didn’t think that was a good sign.

And then they died out completely.

For a second, the world stopped. Everything froze as if you had blasted your energy, yet nothing went cold. No, the time itself must have frozen.

“Get out of your asses!” you yelled after the girls, startling them all. You were coming to the jet right now, all of you, because you couldn’t leave them here, but you wouldn’t worry about the goons. Others would take care of them or the clean-up squad of agents coming after. You needed to see Steve. Now. “NOW!”

The girls shrieked, but complied, stumbling to their feet.

“Move it,” you hissed. “Down the corridor, stay close so I can protect you, but for fuck’s sake move.”

You barely heard them muttering something under their breath, your pulse too loud in your ears.

Steve was hurt. Steve was probably injected with some fucking anti-serum and— you blinked away your tears. Not now. You would see him first and then came to catastrophic conclusions. Not now, not now…

The way out of the building was endless.

“Faster!”

The girls immediately did as you ordered. They were probably scared of you; you couldn’t care less. Your friend was in unbearable pain. And shit, you felt cold all over your body. You hadn’t felt that for a while.

Tony had cut himself off, so you couldn’t hear him until you stumbled into the quinjet, seeing his figure hovering over Steve’s, lying unconscious on the improvised bed. There was a hologram of Bruce’s face, Natasha flipping pages for him; at your incoming, she handed the file to Tony and went to help you with the hostages.

“Stay here,” you hissed at the girls, pacing to the bed.

Steve’s back arched, his body in spasm and you gasped, reaching for him.

“Don’t touch him now, let it be.”

“You’re kidding right?!”

“He’s right, convulsing person shouldn’t be held down-“

“Read you fucking files, Bruce!” you shot back, but clenched your hands in fists to stop yourself from touching Steve. You vision blurred.

“Hey, cool it, Elsa!” Tony snapped at you, trying to make a sense of the files as well. “We’re trying! You have a Ph.D. you haven’t mentioned ye-“

“That’s it,” Bruce called out, astonished. “She needs to cool him down until you get him to me!”

Glares of everyone in the room locked you in. You tensed, horrified at the suggestion.

“You want me to WHAT?!”

────── ·❆· ──────

Part 4

────── ·❆· ────── 

Tags: @mermaidxatxheart​, @murdermornings​, @elisaa-shelby​ 

As always; anyone wishes to be added/removed, shoot me an ask or a message.

Thank you for reading!

[tmabutlesbian]

After watching The Haunting of Bly Manor and crying my eyes out I immediately made an tma AU inspired by it and now I can’t stop thinking abt it ‘cause it happens around 1890′ and there’s magic (cuz i love magic) I literally love it, so I’m gonna info dump abt my own fucking AU, here goes:

Main characters? Martin, Agnes, Gerard, Annabelle, Jude, and Gertrude. Spoiler alert! They all die sooner or later. This is abt ghosts after all. 

(this gets very long i apologise)

I’m gonna help you out with their ages here real quick:

- Gertrude, Agnes, Jude, and Martin have the same age, just some months older or younger. It’s in the order they’re mentioned (yes, Martin is the baby here)

- Gerry is 4 years give or take older than all those 4 lil bastards

- when Gerry is 5, Annabelle is 18; do the math

QUICK TIMELAPSE UNTIL AGNES AND MARTIN START RESIDING IN MAGNUS MANOR!!!! (yes I named it that call me unoriginal)

Gerry is 5 when he starts to spend summers at Magnus; HIGHLY magical place, Mary is very intrigued -> Gerry gets roped into it (ofc ugh)

Annabelle was already in the magic business so both women worked together. Annabelle gets extremely attached to Gerry and Gerry to Annabelle. (Annabelle is going to be different than canon ‘cause it’s my AU and I decide what happens AND she doesn’t get experimented on ever so that’s a bonus; She has the role Hannah from Bly in this AU)

Gerry turns 9, Mary and Annabelle break off their deal because Annabelle wasn’t letting her hurt Gerry anymore, Gerry doesn’t want to do his mother’s dirty work -> he doesn’t want to go back to the manor. Until...

Martin and Agnes! The manor is housing other children when their parents aren’t able to; Gerry gets attached to both them -> Gerry ends up getting back in the manor to protect them + help Annabelle with their supernatural freak show (the manor).

Martin and Agnes time at Magnus Manor!!! Up until they’re 14 and Gerry’s 18 ‘cause that’s when shit goes down

SO. People. Let’s get some things straight: No one here is human. Not completely. Just to summarize quick: Martin is a shapeshifter (he knows other basic magic); Agnes is a fire witch (she knows other basic magic); Gerry is a witch (mainly divination and sorts, but he knows other basic magic); Annabelle is a witch (reality pulling/manipulation mainly).

- Agnes is still with the cult until she’s 14; she does not know she’s part of one until that age. She just thinks her family’s weird, and that magic is to be kept secret; she also doesn’t get their whole “You’re our messiah!” deal ‘cause she’s not, she’s just Agnes.

- Martin learned his magic from his father. Shapeshifting is the hardest magic out there but Martin could do it at 4 years old. He keeps it a secret ‘cause his dad told him to but he jokes abt it too much (people thing he’s weird and crazy but also just a kid). Then his father leaves at 8 years old and the trauma is so great he... forgets he has magic and just doesn’t do it anymore. He has weird dreams and doesn’t think much of it (until he’s 14).

- Gerry learned magic stuff from Mary but only started gaining his knowing abilities after staying at Magnus. He’s not surprised by it, he is literally there to study it and protect the kids from it alongside Annabelle.

- Annabelle doesn’t realize she has magic up until she dies (oops). She just thinks she’s hallucinating stuff and has lots of luck.

So yeah. Annabelle and Gerry work in secret. Martin and Agnes become siblings (twins they say). Gerry and Annabelle know the others are not human but don’t know how to approach it.

Agnes just gets more and more distant the more time she spends outside of Magnus and Annabelle doesn’t like it one bit. Martin has 1 big magic scare at 11 years old (he’s dreaming of something weird, he’s convulsing, Gerry and Agnes panic, he wakes up and feels strangely pulled to a certain direction outside of the house and that’s it).

At 13, Agnes is always studying at the cult (more and more distant every year but she wants to be at Magnus). Martin finds what was pulling him and it was just a very messy green house (THIS PLACE!!! So important for the plot and for the gayssss).

Gerry (17) and Martin (13) start using the green house together ‘cause Martin wants Gerry to busy himself instead of smoking (Martin hates the smell and doesn’t like Gerry’s coughing when he does it); Gerry does enjoy it but he never admits it to Martin (tsudenre cunt, love him).

(Gerry was already using the green house at night as his mini station; it’s messy ‘cause after Martin’s big scare he was paranoid that they would find it, so he hid everything hastelly)

At 14! Martin and Agnes find out the hard truths:

- Gerry n Annabelle’s whole deal (they followed Gerry one night and it went down hill quick)

- There’s a fucking ghost lady in the lake that visits the manor every 2 weeks at night and they didn’t know? Hello???

- Agnes finds out she’s in a cult from Annabelle and fears for her life so! They fake her disappearance! I guess! These bitches are dramatic

- Martin finds out he has magic! Again, I guess! But he represses it again ‘cause he looks like his father when he does magic and he hates that! Yay, trauma!

Now presenting: Gertrude and Jude!!! They’re now relevant to the plot!!!

Gertrude, Agnes, and Jude all frequent the same school (separated by gender because I said so). They’re all in the same class. They’re close friends but still only classmates basically.

Jude was put is Agnes class for the cult’s purposes. Agnes had the excuse “I’m not that lonely, I’m with Jude! Who comes from the same community where I grew up in, and they’re very secluded! How strange!”.

Gertrude and Agnes feel close to each other but they’re basically just close classmates (they’re soulmates btw eeeeeeh).

Then Agnes goes ‘missing’. Gertrude knew something was off but now she’s certain of it. She forms an alliance with Jude to investigate Agnes disappearance. 2 years after (16), they make a deal with Elias (he’s funding the place with Peter’s whore money) and they’re able to enter the place. 

Magnus Manor is closed off for anyone who doesn’t work there or doesn’t live there.

SO. They go in. Normal enough. They get warned not go out at night (it’s lady of the lake time). The girls think they’re onto them, so they sneak out in the night to find Agnes sleeping in a cellar. These dumb lesbians thought she had been kidnapped by them or something; so they drag Agnes’ sleepy ass out of there.

Or they try to until the lady of the lake barges in. At this point everyone’s awake. The lady does her routine. Then -> screaming match. Lots of things are resolved here:

- Agnes is not missing and she’s wanted by the cult for reasons unknown (to the girls)

- Jude is part of this cult (Gertrude didn’t know); she’s grown fond of Agnes and prefers lying to her community than to see her in distress, so she’s staying quiet about it

- Gertrude hates the church because they burned her loved ones to death, her house, and her cat (this is what made her snap, her parents never truly loved her anyways)

Gertrude never knows that Agnes is part of the cult, just that she’s wanted by it, until Agnes’ death (oopsie daisie)

We have the whole gang here!!! They now work together to stop freak dangerous shit from happening and to figuring the mystery that is Magnus Manor. Up until Agnes is 18. Then some more shit happens...

I’ll leave that for another post!! I have so much shit planned for this, I love it, and if you have made it this far... well... thank you so much for reading!!! And yes, you can make fanart, yes you can write some lil things abt this, inspired by this, just be sure to credit me and to tell me!!! I wanna see :)

[petty-revenge-stories]

My tale of sweet petty revenge on a boss who treated me terribly for 3 years and tried to sabotage my career.

I worked at my previous job for over 3 years. It was there that I met the worst boss on the face of the earth, who we'll call Ariel.

Ariel wasn't that bad the first year and a half I worked there. She was very narcissistic, could not stand being wrong or anyone doing better than her, and could be very belittling, but overall once you got to know her and her ways you could kind of deal with it. It wasn't great, but I loved the work I was doing so I put up with it. At the year and a half mark I got promoted! Ariel was still my boss, but I had more responsibility and authority over the coworkers I had previously been working alongside. All of them were very happy for me! Everyone except Ariel. It's like a switch turned inside of her, and her crazy, micromanaging, narcissistic behavior increased tenfold, basically only directed at me.

She would straight up lie to me, steal (impressive!) ideas that I had floated to her and take credit for them, and look for any excuse whatsoever to reprimand me or talk down to me in front of her boss ("big boss") to make me look bad. Reflecting back on it, I don't really know what her problem with me was. The best guess I could come up with was that she felt her job was threatened by me moving up in the company? I was very good at what I did, and do know how to do a lot of the things her job involves, but it also comes with several responsibilities I had no interest in and she knew all of this. Aside from that, she's been with the company for nearly a decade, all the higher ups loved her (and were not wise to how she treated her subordinates, since she put the fear of god in all of us and since no one wanted to be on her bad side, no one spoke up) so she really had no reason to feel so threatened.

Since the promotion I had been dealing with her unprofessional and outright terrible behavior of me and taking it all in stride. I really liked my job, I could handle things. Then, shit got worse.

First, remember how I said she lied? Well, I had a very important client coming in for a meeting with me. It was absolutely imperative client was informed of XYZ before they came in. This was part of Ariel's job. The day of the meeting comes along, and I am reading through an email correspondence between client and Ariel which Ariel forwarded to me (literally the morning of an afternoon meeting, as late as she could possibly send me the information). I notice that XYZ is not mentioned. We do often have phone conversations with our clients, so figuring this is what happened and wanting to verify that, I call up Ariel. I ask her if she is absolutely sure client knows about XYZ?

In a snotty 'are you a moron' voice she tells me "Of course I did. Did you not read the email I forwarded?"

I explain that yes, I did, and the lack of it mentioned in there is what prompted my call. She practically cuts me off to say "Oh, yeah. Client called. I told them over the phone."

I was super skeptical but I trusted her. She knew how incredibly important it was and surely she couldn't be this much of an asshole. (Spoiler alert: she could!)

I went into the meeting thinking client knew about XYZ. He did not, and him having to find out at what was essentially the last minute made him (understandably) very angry. He also had lost trust in us, because here I am, talking to him like he knows about it and being just as surprised as him when he doesn't. We lost their account. This reflected badly on me because I was the one meeting with him. Unless I personally spoke to big boss, and then their boss, and accused Ariel of lying, it would just be assumed I screwed up as there was no way Ariel would defend me or admit her lie. We had spoken about it over the phone too so there was no concrete proof she lied.

Another one of her shining moments came a few months later. A meeting was scheduled with an important potential client, which would be handled by big boss, Ariel, and myself. I don't want to be too specific but the company had created a new product, and it was Ariel's responsibility to explain to me the functions and limitations of it, as was usual protocol.

Big boss was essentially sitting into the meeting so her seniority made the client feel important, Ariel and I are running the show. Meetings ran by Ariel and I were pretty usual, big boss being a part of them was uncommon. I go to explain to the client how this new product cannot do this one specific thing, which Ariel specifically told me it could not, when she swoops in and corrects me that it does in fact do that thing, as long as you turn this nob first!

I was livid. She made me look as if I had no idea what I'm talking about, like I'm an utter idiot, in front of not only the client but big boss! It was such an incredibly simple thing too, and big boss loves Ariel, that it wouldn't have even crossed her mind that Ariel didn't properly explain it to me, let alone straight up lie about it! And even then, if I called her out on it, it would again just come to he said she said thing.

That was my breaking point. This was ridiculous and I had to get as far away from Ariel as I could. She was sabotaging my career. Thankfully about a month and a half later I accepted an offer from a great job with better pay and even a better commute! I gleefully put in my two weeks notice.

On the morning of my second to last day at the company, my brother calls. My niece has lice, and both he and his wife have it too. Knowing I spend a lot of time with her they called to tell me to check myself out. Lucky me, I also have lice.

It's like an hour before I have to start work, I do not have time to go get a lice treatment and deal with this right now, so I google and find the best way to prevent spreading it is to pull your hair up into a neat, tight bun and spray with a barrier of hairspray to decrease the chances of stray hairs flying around. I do so, and head into work to deal with getting rid of the lice when I get home. I wanted to prevent the chances of anyone else contracting lice, because if you've ever been unlucky enough to have it, you'll know that it is a bitch to deal with. Pain in the ass treatments that have to be done a few times (which are extremely harsh on your hair), lots of washing clothes and spraying down furniture, because even just one tiny little nit could reignite the infestation.

One thing you should know about Ariel is that she absolutely loves her hair. It's this beautiful shade of auburn, long, and perpetually has the most perfect relaxed wave to it. As much as I hate her and hate to admit it, she really does have gorgeous hair most women dream about. Honestly, she looks like Disney's princess Ariel. She is obsessed with it and does everything she possibly can to maintain it's beauty. She even goes so far as to keep some dry shampoo, hairspray, and a brush in her desk. I know, because I've seen her pull them out and use these things many times.

Well, that morning she was extra sour and in supreme bitch mode, probably because my leaving caused a lot of work to fall on her shoulders until they found someone qualified to replace me. I was already leaving for a much better and more peaceful job, but I was and still am astounded at how she treated me. So, when she left to go to lunch, I quietly made my way into her office, took out my bun, shook my hair out, and ran her brush through my lice infested hair.

I hope she enjoyed constantly itching her head and lice treatments causing damage to all that beautiful auburn hair.

TLDR; Boss is terrible to me for 3 years and sabotages my career so upon leaving for a much better job I make sure she gets lice.

(source) (story by PettyPettyPatty)

[mammawolff]

I'm going to apologize now for what might turn into a long post, as I can't remember how to do a read more on mobile. So. It's once again Bell Let's Talk day. Now I realize that maybe, last year I was in a better position mentally, financially, and healthier than I am right now. But, that's the thing about mental illness. It's a daily battle. So. Let's talk. I don't think I've ever actually told anyone my full story. I was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety when I was eight. This was a very poor time in my life. I was in the office of my school every day, for one reason or another. Funny thing about schools. They all claim to be against bullying, but they only notice the physical aspect. A rotund child defending herself against verbal attacks? Clearly she's the bully. Unfortunately, I grew accustomed to being anxious around figures of authority because of these childhood encounters. I'd stop trying to defend my actions to these adults who weren't listening, and instead clam up and cry. And clearly, crying means I feel guilty and therefore I'm the attacker. Yeah. My school was pretty fucky. Add onto that it's small town, uni-religious, and fairly cult-ish in their actions. My family, having just moved there with no family established, got the brunt end of a lot of attacks. Weird ass elitism at its finest. Anyways. During this time my home life was pretty shit, too. My parents divorced when I was four, and we moved to this town two days before my fifth birthday. My mum was determined to cut our father out of our lives, so we didn't actually get to see him until I was 6, almost 7. Also pretty fucky. My mum wasn't the greatest mother around. Yes, she put a roof over our heads and fed us, but she was very quick to attack us verbally & physically, and if she thought we were lying about something she'd beat us til we told her what she wanted to hear. So, my dad became somewhat of a god in my eyes. Guardian angel, shelter from the storm, something unattainable for a very long time(to 5, 6, 7 year old me. A year and a half ish is a very long time for a kid). Eventually, he was able to take us every weekend. He bounced from house to house, job to job, but he provided what little child support he could spare and he always made sure to have a house with at least two bedrooms, so we'd always have a place. I tried so often to tell him what the combination of mum & school were doing to my tiny brain and body, but I never had any idea what abuse was, as a definition. I was terrified what mum might do if she found out I tattled. She'd already kept us all away from dad for so long, how long could she do that again? So I stayed silent. When I was 8, I met with my school's guidance counsellor. I had only a handful of friends who weren't terrified of me(I grew tall and wide pretty fast), my grades were shit(even for elementary school), and I was always late. Not to mention those daily visits to the principal's office. He's the one who prompted mum to take me in, see if all this stress had caused something to fuck up in my brain. Spoiler alert; it did. So, I was put on Anti-D medication. Anti-A's didn't come into play until later. Unfortunately, my body apparently absorbed and adjusts to new medication very, very quickly. By the time I was 10 I was taking handfuls of pills morning, noon, and night, just to maintain this facade of normalcy. Unfortunately, the bullying and abuse was continuing. My grades didn't superbly improve, my school behaviour issues barely subsided. But, the pills continued. I couldn't even tell you what they were or what they did. Mum took care of all that. But, I can tell you one thing, my short term memory problems started when the drugs did. I know it's too late for me now, but man I'm still kinda pissed at past me for not speaking up. Grade five was a shift for me. Negatively. I had a highly abusive teacher, bullying was at an all-time high and three of my friends deemed me too weird/sketchy/uncool to play with any more. My dad had to move into a townhouse and out of the farmhouses he'd been occupying for years. He had to get rid of the dog(Sonia) who'd been my best friend for well over a year. Soon after, we had to get rid of Queen(cookie), a dog we'd gotten from my friend's dog's second litter. I couldn't go riding any more(we kept my dad's landlord's horses and cows on the property), and I could no longer help on the farm. My weekend salvation was at an end. About the only freedom I had left was if dad took me flying. I made him take me up for hours, some weekends. I remember bawling on my morning walks to school with my friends, because I hated my life so much. My mum made the doctor ease up my prescriptions(a good thing, honestly), but she didn't ease up the abuse. Neither did my teacher, or the bullies, and I no longer had my beloved animals to keep me sane. I mean, we had Taffy, but she was always Brad's dog. One morning there was a speeding car who I knew couldn't see us down the road. I think my friends knew exactly what I was thinking because they stopped and just hugged me until the car passed us. I was 11 and suicidal. To help me transition off the farm, dad bought me riding lessons from a local Parelli instructor. These helped. I finally had some sort of release again, and best of all I could ride throughout the week, not just the weekends. These ended too. My instructor's lease of the land eventually ran out, and an oil company came in and bought the land. I was 13 when this happened. Still being forced to take drugs, and go to a psychiatrist (who broke client confidentiality so I stopped going and mum stopped paying). When I was 12 I found Wicca, and started turning away from the Church I'd been raised and baptised into. By the time I was 15 I'd fully turned away but still went, to appease my dad. Anyways. I started riding with another instructor and when I was 15 suffered a very traumatic fall, that screwed me up mentally, and I couldn't bring myself to get back on a horse until just last year when I was 20. Amazing what happens when your hormone levels mostly balance out eh? I was still kind of suicidal throughout all of this. Nothing that I would act on, but I kept thinking, "if I were to die, it wouldn't be so bad." I moved in with my dad when I was 15. I was sick of mum's bullshit, we fought violently every day. She'd already kicked my favourite brother out of the house, my sister was almost as bad as she was(she's 9 years older than me and to this day acts like I'm still 10 years old. We've never been close). A plethora of reasons. Mostly being, I was tired of her verbal and mental attacks. The physical stuff mostly ended once I hit 5'7". Definitely didn't happen after I was 5'10". I moved in with dad, quit my prescriptions, came out to him as pagan, then promptly fell in line and went back to church(which I'd quit at mum's) in order to protect myself. He would kick me out if I so much as lit a candle. So, I practiced in secret. My gods were(and are) very understanding and very supportive. Dad's God did not want me in His church, but tolerated me. This was pretty dark time. Me moving in with dad dredged up more custody battle bullshit. But, my relationship with my mum started to get better, sort of. I'm 21 now and we're only just on good speaking terms for more than 48 hours at a time. Then I got Angel. She was pretty much perfect as a puppy. House training was kind of difficult, she proved herself a friggen genius with the turkey incident, but she was mine. She knows exactly what I want, how I'm feeling, what I'm going to ask of her. She's perfect. (Cherub's a rotten little shit but she's still just a puppy and I haven't found the right job for her just yet.) Then, four of my newfound friends died. Car accident. I know I've recounted this story many times so I'll spare the details. But this threw me into a massive identity crisis. They didn't know the real me before they died. Danae looked up to me as a role model, and she didn't know I wasn't Mormon. I was pagan. I had to tell everyone. That Christmas (time ish), I came out of the broom closet again. Only this time to everyone. My "Mormon Moms," as I called them, insisted I was still me and they still loved me. The less accepting wanted to ban me from the graveyard. I still get hassled from their families, if they see me going down. But, a certain member of the community stood up for me. I'll be grateful to him forever. My dad was confused and hurt, but so long as I kept going to church he'd let me stay. Mum still insists it's a phase. I started going back to my hometown for school (only ten minutes away), and connected with my friends again. Then my paternal grandpa died. I never got the chance to say goodbye. Not even a funeral. He visited me, and my aunt and my cousin, but that still hit me extra hard, as it wasn't even 10 days after the 1 year anniversary of the accident. I started to slip again, fast. Dad got a job out east and had left me to move the rest of our things into storage, and I moved back in with mum. This is when I discovered I get severe depression when I have to move. Yay. I discovered my car's engine will cut out once I get to 198km. There is a stretch of road between the two towns that is very long, and very straight, with a sudden swerve to the right and a very steep drop in the road into a gulley. I convinced myself if I could get to 200km before that swerve, I would let my car fly off the cliff. I watched the needle drop closer to the speedometer's limit, noting exactly when the engine cut. I tapped the brakes, and got my car under control before the turn. Cursed myself for being a chicken, then for being so stupid. Angel needed me, if no one else. Half-assed suicide attempt no. 2. School sucked, but for some odd reason my childhood bullies apologized to me and tried to make amends. I accepted and we moved on. Mostly. I guess. Throughout all of this my depression was(and has been) a heavy weight on my shoulders. A darkness at the edge of my vision. Pretty much the only thing that truly lifted that lifted that was Anna. Though I had found new friends on the internet through dA and the ridgearound(love you guys), it was never really at bay. She was really, really, REALLY the only thing that brought true sunlight into my life. The day she was born I cried tears of joy, and thought she was the most perfect creature ever. I still do. She is beautiful. Graduation year brought me Anna, a boyfriend who turned out to be creepy and manipulative and abusive, and the start of my cutting addiction. I fucked up a few months ago. Before that it had been years. More fights with mum. Robin Williams passed and I lost hope for a few months. That was not a good time. He was always a role model to me, because even as a kid I knew what battles he was going through. He made me laugh when no one else could. He showed me that even with my shitty brain, I could be successful. I could fight this. Then he killed himself. I finally moved to Ponoka. Pretended to be an adult. Got cherub. Changed jobs. Found(ed) a coven. Lost Dee, and Anna. She's alive, don't worry. But she's no longer in my life. The horses helped so, so much with my depression. I refuse(d) medication because I can manage my condition, usually. Unfortunately that job ended in part because the mental stress had brought on my depression full force, and even my boss noticed I wasn't happy. So I left and started my MT course, where I am now even broker than usual, even more stressed than usual, and even more depressed than usual. This isn't even every aspect of my depression but it's the main points. Throughout this now 11 year journey, my depression and my anxiety have been with me. They've changed and grown and forced me to change and grow as well. I often wonder how different things would have been had I not refused meds so (relatively) early on. Too late now. But, my point is, I'm still here. I'm still fighting. My survival tactics have changed. When I was 11, what stopped me so many times was "tomorrow is another day" and "what will tomorrow bring?" Now, it's just sheer stubbornness. I'm going to finish my MT, I'm going to get out of debt and I'm going to flee into the middle of the prairies with my dogs and my reptiles and get myself a horse and a plane and I will never step foot in a city again. Just watch me. It doesn't get better. That slogan has never rang true with me. It just changes. You change, and your illness changes as well. But I guess, in some ways, it does get easier. You force yourself to see in colour, to take the bad in every situation and go "at least it isn't _____." And every now and again, you look back at your eight year old self and allow her to cry, because sometimes you need to.