#year 4 was just before i moved and i thought i might leave the fandom bc i'd be busy but i Did Not...

[restinpeacesensei]

i have drawn a birthday picture for akoya every year for the past 11 years! ;;w;; i imagine that every time i do, he gets a year older!

and now, it's canon!! the boueibu characters really are 10 years older! and akoya officially has a gorgeous dress!!! \>////</ congratulations!!! \TWT/

we would prefer not to pick favorites or receive comments about how the art has changed, but to think of every picture as a precious memory! ;;w;; do you remember them all? ;;o;;

akoya-chan!!! thank you so much for being with us for all of these years!! \;;/////;;/ ive loved you, ive found how to be myself through you, i know now that everything always ends up being okay. im so happy ive been able to share these years with you!! ;;~~~~;;

akoya, and all of you, thank you so much for all the beautiful memories!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY ANGEL!!! \>//////</ WE LOVE YOU FOREVER!!!! \;;W;;/💖💖💖

[cioud-berries]

The Autobiography of a Sinner || Chapter 4

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Any and all comments would be so so so appreciated, even if its just a small thought! I would absolutly love to talk to people about this fic! I love that those YN videos on tiktok have revived the fandom. In turn, that has given me copious motivation to write. Sorry if this is a boring chapter, next one might be the same as well but I am trying my best to introduce the whole cast and how important they are to the writer. We should be getting into the good stuff soon! If you haven't you should join my discord server! We can talk a lot about the fic!! Link in quotev and wattpad bio) or here: discord.gg/SPNmyV8qJR Love you all and thank you so much for reading!!

Summery:

The retelling of events that led to The Rumbling and the aftermath from the perspective of someone who was a cause of it.

~ (written as an autobiography it is first person and is like you are the one that wrote it.) The perils of being in love with your comrade. Going from childhood friends, to finding yourselves in a strange land completely alone, will cause anyone to grow close. After certain circumstances, they become more distant than they ever had been before. Being forced to come back together again to save the world would seem more challenging than either of them would think.

Category:

Reiner Braun x Gender Neutral Reader

Chapter Warnings:

Fighting, violence

Word count: 6,334

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

<- Previous Chapter || TAOAS Masterlist || Next Chapter ->

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

847

To Commandant Shades:

I thank you for teaching me how to be my own person. Without your guidance, I would’ve had broken morals. But you helped show me who I really needed to become. May you rest in peace.

↭

After two years on the island, we made it to training. Finally, we were one step closer to returning to our homeland. It was getting unbearable, the feeling like we were getting nowhere in our investigation.

Many nights were spent thinking about returning with nothing in hand. Sometimes, once Reiner fell asleep, we would talk about just leaving. Leaving Reiner behind to finish the mission by himself.

Even though I felt guilty about the thought of leaving him behind, I couldn’t help but resent him at times for the way he was so hell-bent on completing the mission. Reiner told us that he would be the new Marcel, the new leader, and he took that position extremely seriously.

So there we all were, standing in rows along with many others who wished to join the military. Standing straight, all in identical clothes with the same crossed swords embroidered on the back of our beige jackets.

It was ironic. This wasn’t the first time I was joining the military. Not only that, this was the second time I was forced to join the military.

Commandant Shades walked in between people, finding the ones that looked too uncertain, too weak for the work that was required. When he found his next victim, he would abruptly stop in front of them, turning to face them. With a booming voice, laced with aggression, he would ask  “What are you doing there.”

Most people he asked would stutter their words out, intimidated by his presence. But there was one who stood out from the rest. A girl that didn’t shake or stutter when he walked her way. It was almost like she didn’t even notice what was happening as she bit down on her potato.

When the Shades saw her, he froze out of pure shock. He moved, getting right in her face as he yelled at her, demanding her name.

She introduced herself as Sasha Braus. Sasha kept a tight grip on her potato as she gave her salute, explaining as to why she had the potato during such an important moment.

Shades was practically shaking, full of rage and confusion. As he continued to question why. Sasha got more confused as to his line of questioning. 

Eventually, she broke off a small piece, calling it “half” of the potato, and offered it to him. You could hear the humming of a cricket through the silence. 

The sight was funny, I couldn’t help but break a smile, giving a chuckle along with it. Reiner was quick to clear his throat, reminding me to keep myself together. I straightened my face, looking forward to Annie who stood in front of me. Her face, stoic as ever. 

Commandant  Shades punished the girl for her informality by refusing her meal privileges for a week, forcing her to run until sunset.

She was named “Potato Girl” by the other cadets. Just as the Commandant commanded, Sasha ran until the sunset. As she had only started training, she struggled to run around the premises, flailing her arms lowly as she tried to keep going.

It didn’t take much longer until we were eating dinner. Somehow, the slop they gave us was worse than what we were having out on the fields. I didn’t understand how they expected so many people to build up enough strength to become soldiers on such a deficient meal.

Eldians at home didn’t get as fancy or nice meals as Marlyans did, but at least I could call that food. My mother had always been the worst cook I had ever known. But times like those made me miss it dearly. 

Reiner and I were sitting in absolute silence as we ate. Annie and Bertolt decided not to join us, sitting elsewhere, trying to branch out to make new connections. 

Times like these with Reiner killed me. He was a completely different person in a crowd versus when we were alone. When it was just him and I, we could be our true selves, talking about whatever, but when with others, we acted as if we barely knew each other, only talking when necessary.

What made that first night worse, was one of our victims was conveniently sitting right behind us. His name was Eren Yager, a boy who witnessed the horrors of Shiganshina. Horrors we caused.

Many cadets surrounded him, asking for the details of that day. He spoke as if that day didn’t affect him much, answering the questions nonchalantly.

I turned to Reiner, to see what his thoughts were. He was frozen, staring down at his food, as though Eren was about to turn to us and profoundly state “I know you were the ones who did it”.

 I couldn’t tell if Reiner felt remorse for his actions, or was just fearful of us getting caught. Truthfully, if we were caught, we could just simply transform, killing everyone in the vicinity and make our escape. 

Eventually, Eren choked on his food, remembering the true horrors of that day. But he was soon to recover, stating he was ready to slaughter every single titan, every single enemy. 

Knowing that it included me, I couldn’t handle hearing what he had to say any longer. I stood from my seat, and grabbed my food before I left the messhall. I didn’t even give Reiner a glance, letting him wither in his own form of guilt.

I stood on the porch of the mess hall, looking up into the sky as I finished off my bread. A lot of commotion could be heard from inside before the door swung open. 

A girl held Eren over her shoulder. She threw him to the wood of the porch, fixing up her scarf. This girl is Mikasa, Eren’s loyal companion. They were childhood friends. Trauma bound them together. 

They argued before Eren noticed me staring. “What are you looking at?” He spat at me, angry that I was witnessing him being scolded by a girl.

I said nothing, just grabbed my plate before walking off the porch. I could feel it deep in my gut, Eren was someone I needed to avoid. There was no evidence at the time to the being he truly was, but I could tell it was best to stay away from him.

As I walked further away, I found Potato Girl gnawing at a piece of bread like a rabid dog. It was obvious someone decided to give her some food, as she had been running for about four hours with no meal in sight.

I looked down at my slop, deciding I had enough to eat. I walked over to her, handing her my plate for her to eat as well. A short blonde girl walked up to me, holding a pouch of water. It was obvious that she was the one that brought Sasha the bread.

Sasha looked up at the both of us, her eyes sparkling with life as drool seeped out of her mouth. 

“You two,” she screamed out, “You two are glorious beings!”

Another person walked up behind us. Sasha scarfed her food down, not wanting this other girl to take it away from her.

“Are you two trying to be nice?” The tall girl with freckles asked.

The short blonde seemed stunned by this question, but I was quick to respond. “I’m not hungry. I just thought it’d be better eaten then thrown out.”

At this point, Sasha passed out, her face landing on the blonde. I didn’t care for the two of them at the time, not wanting to try and bicker about my reasoning.

 The two continued their conversation as I walked off, farther from the camp, closer into the darkness. My eyes glued to the sky as they were every night. My hand played with Viktoria’s silver necklace that laid between my uniform and skin. This nightly ritual was what kept me going, reminding me of what I needed to get back to.

I sat on the dirt, watching as the stars slowly moved throughout the sky. Footsteps approached but I paid no mind to them, being able to recognize them instantly.

Reiner sat beside me like he always does. It was a gamble if tonight was going to be a night where we talked all night long or one spent in silence.

“You know.” Reiner started, deciding that he wished to talk. “You have changed so much since we were children.”

My brows furrowed as I turned to him “You shouldn’t be the one talking about changing.”

Reiner let out a soft chuckle, comfortably leaning back on his hands. “We have both changed, but I feel as though you are much rougher than you once were.”

I straightened myself up, shocked at what he was saying. “Are you sure you haven’t looked in the mirror lately? Mister ‘I’m the leader so I must show no weakness to anyone?’” I mocked his voice as the words came out.

“You of all people know that it's just an act for others.” He sighed, finger tips reaching out towards mine.

“You haven’t been putting down that guard often as of late.” I sadly told him. It was the truth, I felt as though Reiner, my Reiner was slowly slipping out from in between my fingers.

“Well I do have to remind you that I am strong enough to protect you.” He softly smiled at me. “I promised I’d get you home.”

“Those two things do not equal the same.” I told him as I leaned my head on his shoulder. “I will always see you as the boy that would break curfew just to come into my room in the middle of the night and sob into my arms.”

“I don’t want you to see me like that.” He turned his face away from me.

“Like what? Human? My childhood best friend?” I questioned, watching him slip again.

“Weak.” His voice barely cracked, but I heard it. 

“Reiner.” I called out, lifting my head, but he wouldn’t look at me. “Reiner, please.” I grabbed the hand that was now beginning to inch away from me. 

“No.” He pulled it away. “I’m supposed to be the strong one. The one that leans on no one. The one that takes care of everyone.”

“You don’t have to be.” I reminded him.

“Yes I do. Because if I don’t, then everything falls apart.” He finally snapped his head back at me.

“But then who takes care of Reiner?” I asked him.

He shook his head “No one.”

“Reiner, you will break. That is way too much for you to put on yourself.” My hand reached up to his face holding it as I would when he cried on my bedroom floor. “Please, just let me be there for you. At least some of the time if not all.”

The look in Reiner’s eyes was foreign, but I could recognize that it resembled some sort of respect. He pulled away before laying down on the dirt ground.

I followed suit, asking “Is that a yes?” 

“Yes” he shortly responded.

I turned my head towards him. “I do need a favor though, before it kills me.”

He turned his head towards me, asking. “I will do anything for you.”

“Stop ignoring me.” His soft smile wavered, as I was already frowning. “I hate our interactions during the day. I feel as though you only talk to me like a comrade.”

“Of course.” He responded with a nod. “But you also need to do the same. I don’t see you going out of your way to talk to me either”

“I will.” I responded. Silence landed upon us once more, but it was more comfortable than before. Of course, I had to ruin it, wanting to pick apart his brain. “What were you thinking when Eren was talking?”

“Nothing.” Was all he gave me.

“Hey, what did you just promise me?” I snapped back, getting angry that he was still closing me off.

“I’m being serious.” He responded, sitting up a bit. “My brain went blank. What were you thinking that made you get up and leave?”

“I kept thinking about how I stood there amongst them and I couldn’t transform.” I sat up, curling my knees to my chest. “I think about how I failed, my fear taking over.”

Reiner was silent before opening his mouth. “We’ve been over this many times. You didn’t fail. I failed you. You weren't supposed to be fighting on the ground like that. I should’ve never taken you with me.”

“But I still feel bad about it.” I mumbled, it was my turn to look away from him.

“Well you should stop.” His logic is as strong as a five year old. “I will never put you on the front lines again.”

“You can’t just keep me out of battles.” I rolled my eyes at him.

“I can and I will.” He said firmly. “Your strength is better utilized in spying and information gathering.”

I sighed, knowing I wasn’t going to get through to him. It was funny how we spent years of our lives being the first ones on the scene, first to wreak havoc. But now that he was in command, he refused to let me join him again. It reminded me how Marcel was willing to throw Reiner under the bus to save Porco.

“I couldn’t stand the look in your eyes once we found you.” He admitted quietly. “I refuse to let you feel like that again.” He paused before continuing. “That is why Bertolt and I will be the ones to kill Eren.”

I shot up completely stunned by this revelation. “What?”

He sat up fully to face me. “Oh come on, I know you sense it too. Something is very off about him.”

I nodded, but was still shocked that we would resort to violence so quickly. I didn’t disagree with this notion, there was something so off, so wrong, but I couldn’t pin point it.

“This mission has been bumpy enough, we need to try and smooth out the rest as much as possible.” Reiner explained. “Do you disagree?”

“No. He needs to be killed.” If only it was that simple.

❃

Training was simple for someone who had already been through it. Like most military regiments, we focused on physical build up. But unlike the rest of the world, we also had to be trained on ODM gear.

ODM gear allowed humans to soar through the sky like mosquitoes. It was an essential for the soldiers on an island full of titans. The first step was balance. They had these massive metal structures. You would get strapped in by the wires that attached to the hilts on your waist. They would slowly lift you off the ground, allowing you to learn how to balance.

I was one of the people that knew how to instinctually balance. I chalk it up to the fact that I had become of my titan abilities, but others just had raw talent.

Someone who didn’t get it easily was Eren Yager. He tried multiple times, each ending with his face in the dirt. I watched as Shades shook his head in disapproval as Eren was helped to the nurses to get his head patched up.

I made my way over to Reiner, leaving my assigned group. Once he noticed me coming, he backed away from others, knowing I wouldn’t get out of line for something that wasn’t secret. 

I made sure to get extra close to him, so no one could hear. “Wouldn’t have to kill him if he gets sent to the fields." 

Reiner answered by nodding. “We’ll have to see though, they said he's allowed to try again tomorrow.”

❃

After dinner, I did what I always did. Find a spot outside to look at the sky. Reiner always joined me, for at least a little bit, but this time was different. He wasn’t alone, Bertolt was him.

Bertolot wore a shaken, nervous face, which in turn worried me. I turned to Reiner looking for answers.

“We’re killing Eren tonight.” Reiner told me as though he was telling me what he had for dinner tonight. 

“So soon?” I questioned.

“He asked us to help him with training.” Bertolt explained. “I told him we’d sneak out and help him.”

“And?” I asked more, wanting to hear more about this plan.

“We’ll take him to the cliff side, and he’ll have a little accident.” Reiner explained proudly, as if he thought he had concocted the most brilliant plan.

“Okay.” Was all I could respond with, indifferent.

“Okay?” Reiner asked aggressively. “Do you have a better plan?”

“What?” I questioned where this aggression was coming from. “No, I was just agreeing. Don’t push your insecurities on me.”

Bertolt quickly spoke up, noticing that this was about to turn bad. “It was just a misunderstanding. Let’s just drop it.”

I huffed, looking back up into the sky. The feeling in my stomach grew. I could tell something was wrong with Reiner, and I was frustrated that I couldn’t figure out what.

It wasn’t until the next morning that I realized that Reiner, deep down, didn’t want to kill Eren. I knew this because the next morning I watched Eren walk into messhall like everything was perfectly fine.

My head immediately snapped to Reiner as he avoided my gaze. I wanted nothing more than to get up and demand answers, but I kept my mouth shut, not wanting to cause a scene.

Eren was able to try the test again, where he once again failed. It was then that Shades walked up to him, telling him to take off his belt. He only took a quick glance at the belt before declaring “get me another. This one is broken.”

Eren’s belt was replaced and he had no issue balancing. It all could’ve been avoided if he was given the proper equipment.

When everyone broke for lunch, the warriors had their secret meeting. We had our spot so far away from the training camp that no one would even think to find us. 

Silence befell our group as we made our way to the location. None of us wanted to risk anyone hearing us. The second the four of us stopped, I was the first to speak.

“Why is Eren Yaeger still alive?”

Reiner turned his head towards me like he was caught off guard. “We had a change of plans.” His voice was booming with authority.

Annie watched in amusement while Bertolt awkwardly didn’t know how to stop us.

“What happened to the grand plan you snapped at me over?” I was mad, angry that he yelled at me out of no where, projecting feeling about himself onto me.

“Armin came along, so we would’ve had a witness. Killing him would’ve looked too suspicious.” Reiner stood his ground, crossing his arms.

“You could’ve just killed Armin too? It would not have been suspicious. Eren slipped off the cliff due to his head injury, Armin went to grab him but his weak body was just pulled down along with Eren. They both fell to their death, end of story.” I yelled. “I was able to come up with that in seconds, you two could’ve come up with something.”

“Why are you questioning my authority?” Reiner stood taller, trying to assert himself. “I am the leader, I made the decisions.”

“Because when you’re going to yell at me over something, I’m expecting you to at least follow through with it if it was so important to you.” 

“Guys, let's not turn this into a lover’s quarrel." Annie complained. “I’m all for fighting, but I do not want to hear about what you guys do in your free time.”

Both Reiner and I shot Annie a nasty glare. She backed up, throwing her hands up in defeat. She turned around and began to walk back to camp. “I’m not listening to this.” Bertolt followed her actions.

“I don’t understand what you’re so pissed about.” Reiner raised his voice at me. “If you want Eren dead so badly, you can go kill him yourself.”

“I don’t give a shit about Eren dying or not.” I screamed back. “What I care about is that you knew you weren’t going to kill Eren the second he asked you for help.”

Reiner went quiet for a moment, keeping his mouth open. “I didn’t-”

“You did!” I cut him off. “You knew you couldn’t bring yourself to do it, so you lashed out at me because of the frustration you held for yourself.”

“Do not accuse me of things you do not know.” He was angrier than he had ever been at me. I could tell by the way he stepped up to me, getting in my face. “I do everything for us. For the mission. If Eren lived, it is because I decided he should live.”

I wasn’t going to let him keep lying to my face. The fact that he was so mad only proved that I was right. The only thing I could say to kill the fight was: “Whatever allows you to sleep at night.”

I walked off, not towards the camp, but anywhere away from Reiner.

❃

When it came to hand to hand combat, the pairs were predetermined. That meant I was paired up with some poor soul that had never fought before, where I would inevitably have a leg up on them.

I had never paid attention to Christa and Ymir before the day I was paired to train with Christa. Christa was the girl that fed Sasha the piece of bread. She was a kind and hopeful girl. Someone who would always put others before themselves. It was crazy that such an aggressive and cruel world could birth something so kind.

Ymir on the other hand acted superior to everyone, and she truly might’ve been. She was the one that came up to Christa and I after feeding Sasha. She had the mentality of kill or be killed, and if they do not serve you, drop them. No one could blame her, with the way the world worked, you had to learn how to survive. 

After the night that the three of us met, Christa and Ymir were attached at the hip. Ymir would follow Christa around like a hawk from morning to night. Anytime anyone else tried to talk to them, they would have to get past Ymir’s insults.

That is why most avoided the two. When Ymir was around. But it was unavoidable when we were doing hand to hand combat training. 

I was paid with Christa. She barely knew how to stand properly when I would swing at her. I always tried my hardest to not seriously hurt her when doing so. But time and time again, I would knock her flat on her ass.

Of course I felt bad, but I couldn’t just let her win, or she’d never learn. Every time I won, I always extended an arm, ready to help her up. While she stood up, I explained what she could’ve done better to prevent her from getting knocked down.

“You needed to keep your arms up.” I told her, grabbing her arms and putting them in front of her face. “Like this. Make sure you tense them up to try and stop anyone from blowing through.”

“Alright, I think I got it!” She said with determination.

“Ready to go again or do you need a break?” I asked. I never wanted to push her, potentially hurting her.

“No, I'm good.” She always said without hesitation.

We got in position, ready to start again, but before either of us could make the first move, Ymir butted in. “What? Do you enjoy beating up defenceless girls?” She jabbed at me.

I got out of  position, fully turning to Ymir, stunned that she would even suggest such a thing. “What do you mean?” 

“Ymir, leave it alone.” Christa complained, as if Ymir had done this before.

“I mean you haven’t given her a chance to even attack.” Ymir smirked, thinking she was winning the argument.

I tsked at the absurdity. “We- or rather she- is learning how to fight. In the real world there is no mercy. I thought you of all people knew that, Ymir.”

“I bet you wouldn’t even last against someone who has some experience.” She tilted her head, cocky and so sure of herself.

“Come on Ymir, let's just get back to our own practice.” Her partner, Jean, complained. Everyone ignored him.

I knew she was trying to anger me, trying to get a rise out of me. Ymir was the type of person that knew just how to get under your skin. She knew how to throw the line just far enough for you to reach and tug it back towards you. It shouldn’t have worked, but it did. 

“If you’re so sure, then fight me.”

That is all it took for her to put her hands up to guard herself. Jean and Christa pleaded for us not to continue, to just move on like nothing happened. Both Ymir and I were too prideful to back down. 

We both circled one another like sharks. I thought that at the time and internally laughed that these people didn’t even know that sharks existed. 

I stepped closer to her, tired of her waiting. Before I could even take another step forward to throw my first punch, she kicked me in the leg, causing me to stumble back.

Snapping my head up to her, as I sneered. “That was dirty.”

Ymir shrugged, still keeping her guard up. “The real world shows no mercy.” She mocked.

At this point, more people began to surround us, some placing verbal bets on who would win. I watched Eren lean into Reiner, saying “I bet Ymir will win.”

Reiner shook his head "Absolutely not.” tone serious as ever, knowing what I was capable of.

Ymir refused to be the one to attack first, waiting for me to make my move and only counter attack. If she wanted to play dirty, then I would indulge her.

Planting my feat firmly on the ground, I got low. Using all the strength in my legs I lunged at her, my hands aiming for her waist. I did have an unfair advantage. My titan ability helped me jump from a distance that would be incapable for a normal human. 

Ymir didn’t expect this, falling to the ground like a sack of potatoes. I was quick to sit up, knowing she would react soon. By the time I got on my knees, she was trying to twist around, attempting to crawl out of my grasp. 

While she was on her side, I clasped my knees  together tightly, trapping her hips in between them. She tried to swing at me, but I was able to grab her wrists, pinning them to the side of her head. 

She smirked up at me, almost as if she were proud that I took her down so quickly. I didn’t let go of her, even though she relaxed and didn’t try fighting me. I knew better than to lighten up before someone verbally declared defeat, my father instilled that in me.

“Fine,” She rolled her eyes, keeping the cocky smirk. “You win.”

I let go of her, standing up. As I did Christa, I extended my hand out. I was expecting her not to take it, to slap it away and get up on her own. To my surprise, she gripped my hand, allowing me to help her up.

Once she was on her own feet, she let go of my hand, but stayed close. “You’re not too bad.” She attempted a compliment.

“Well I am obviously better than you.” I responded with a conceited smile. 

Without another word, she turned on her heel and walked towards Christa. Before I could follow and continue Christa's training, Eren came up to me.

“Wow, you really took her down in the blink of an eye.” He complimented, not expecting it. “I bet you could beat Annie.” 

“Or Reiner.” Armin walked up alongside Eren, adding on.

“Reiner, probably. Annie, definitely not.” I responded, stretching out all the tension in my body.

“Oh so you think you can beat me in a fight?” Reiner mused. 

I was still upset at him, wanting to avoid him. “Of course I could. I’ve done it many times before and I would do it again.” It came out more as a threat than a warning.

“We were kids.” Reiner reminded me. “Many things have changed since then.”

I rolled my eyes at him as he inched closer, ready to challenge me. “Your inability to react quick enough hasn’t. I would get my fist in your face before you could even blink.” 

I turned my back to the three, not about to get caught in another fight. Especially not with Reiner of all people.

As I walked back to Christa, Ymir and Jean went off to continue their own training. Christ looked at me with a new sparkle in her eye. 

“I’m sorry.” I apologized first.

“For what?” She was quick to question. 

“I should’ve been teaching you more rather than just fighting.” I explained. “It’s how my father taught me. I remember how frustrating it was to just lose over and over without a clear idea of what to do.”

“Well, could you still teach me then?” She asked, wanting to learn. “I want to know how to do that jump tackle. You were practically flying through the air.”

“Well you wouldn’t be able to jump like I did. That’s just pure genetics.” I tried to think of a way to explain things to her without revealing too much. “You need to find out what advantage you would have over people and figure out how to use it. For you I’d say being small is your advantage.”

“How is that an advantage for me?” She wondered.

“If you know how to dodge properly, you can escape from hits easier.” I turned around, trying to look for the biggest person around us. Sadly for me, that was Reiner. “For example, Reiner is big and broad. If you punch at least somewhere, you’ll hit him. On the other hand, for you, the attacker would need to be more precise with their hit, which then takes more calculation and focus.”

Christa listened closely as I explained everything to her, eager to learn. We practiced dodging. Instead of moving at a normal pace, we moved slowly, allowing her to see exactly what was going on. By the end of the day, she was able to move at a medium pace without getting hit.

❃

When dinner rolled around, I dreaded having to sit with Reiner. But I’d rather sit in seething silence than alone. As I walked up to him, he looked up at me. The emotion on his face vacant. 

Before I could reach the table, I heard someone call out my name. I turned to see Ymir and Christa in the corner, both looking at me. Ymir was waving at me, motioning for me to walk towards them.

I turned back to Reiner, his brows now furrowed in disagreement. I straightened my posture more, walking past him in the most cold way I could. I practically sauntered my way over to the two girls in the corner. 

Ymir was the first to scoot over, giving me the space to squeeze in next to her. It was funny how differently she treated me now, and it only took me beating her in a fight. That was all it took for her to respect me.

“We’re saving you from the brute.” Ymir said while taking a bite of her bread.

“Ymir!” Christa scolded. Ymir shrugged, not apologizing for her name calling.

All I could do was smirk, beginning to dig into my slop. I was mad at Reiner, and hearing others insult him validated my feelings.

“I noticed that things between the two of you were tenser than normal.” Christa explained.

“Than normal?” I questioned, wondering what outsiders saw. “What do we normally look like?”

“Like you hate being with one another but have no choice.” Ymir leaned back from her plate. 

I frowned at her description. I didn’t realize that it was what we were giving off to others. It wasn’t like we talked much when we’re around others, but I didn’t know it looked like that.

Christa picked up on my body expression. “Is that not what is happening when you two are together?”

I shook my head, glancing over at him. He had moved to the other side of the table so he could watch us easier. Reiner ate his food slowly, watching us with such sad eyes. Annie and Bertolt had joined him, but it clearly wasn’t enough to satisfy him.

“When you look at him right now, what do you see?” I wondered, having a suspicion on what their perception of him was.

Christa had to turn around to get a look at him. Ymir was the first to speak. “He looks pissed that you didn’t join him.”

Christa nodded in agreement and I got my answer. “He’s not pissed, he’s sad. This is the first ime in about two years that we have not shared a meal. He sees this as me not wanting to be friends with him anymore.” I explained with ease. “You might not believe it but he was a very expressive kid. It was only in recent years that he has hardened himself. I guess that because I was with him through everything, I can tell the difference between the smallest mannerisms.”

“So you two are not fighting right now?” Christa questioned, wondering if she got it wrong.

“Oh no we definitely are.” I was quick to correct her. “He snapped at me unwarranted and is acting like nothing ever happened.”

“How rude of him.” Christa huffed in frustration for me.

Dinner went on with the two of them. It was nice to sit with other people for once. It felt as though I was making friends with other people, branching out. It was nice. Ymir and Christa were entertaining to watch bicker back and forth. They were an appreciated change to my routine.

❃

I laid under the stars, just as I had every night. I wasn’t expecting Reiner to join me, but to my demise, he did. Before he could  even get close to me, he declared.

“I came to apologize." He stood still in his spot, waiting for approval to get closer. 

“Ah so it only takes leaving you alone for dinner for you to come to your senses.” I cockily said. I didn’t even have to look in his direction to know he was frowning. “You may join me.”

He walked closer, sitting beside me. I sat up, looking at him. He only stared at me, those same hurt eyes that watched me from across the room all night. The same eyes that would look at me, begging for me to let him in even though it was the middle of the night even though we had physicals in the morning.

I twirled my wrist, telling him to continue. He took a deep breath, on the exhale, he said “I was an ass, and you were completely right. I knew I wouldn’t be able to kill Eren from the moment I declared I would. I shouldn’t have taken my frustration out on you for knowing me better than myself.”

I nodded, relishing in the victory. “Thank you.”

He sighed in relief, falling flat on his back. “I hate it when you’re mad at me.”

“Yeah I hate it too.” I laid beside him, looking up. In my peripherals, I could see that he was watching me. “Seeing your face the whole dinner killed me.”

He lightly chuckled. “That is why I switched to the other side.”

“Asshole.” I lightly pushed him. 

“I didn’t know you were friends with them. Especially since you and Ymir were fighting earlier.” He seemed upset that I was branching out, like I would ditch him.

“I didn’t either. I think I gained Ymir’s respect by knocking her on her ass.” I explained.

Reiner gave a smirk. “I can’t believe people ever believed that she would win.”

“I can’t either.” I huffed out. 

“I didn’t doubt you for a second.” He softly spoke, as if he was trying to tell me something else.

“Oh I know.” I chuckled. “You’ve seen me drop a grown man twice my size. Ymir was nothing in comparison. I was just trying not to hurt her.”

“What were you guys talking about at dinner?” He changed the subject.

“Well we talked about you at first.” I truthfully told him, not seeing any reason to hide it.

“About me?” He cut me off.

I nodded. “They said that they thought we looked miserable when we were together.”

“Misseriable?” He questioned in shock. “Why would I ever be miserable with you?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I just realized that they didn’t know the real you.” I turned my body to face his. “They said you looked pissed that I didn’t join you for dinner. But I knew you were pleading for me to come back.”

“I think you are the only person that knows the real Reiner Braun.” He sighed, grabbing my hand that laid on the ground. It was rare for him to initiate contact. I knew better than to dare to move away.

Reiner had changed, it was bound to happen with everything that we had been through. Even though he changed, he still remained the Reiner I grew up with, the Reiner that would cry to me, the Reiner that I loved. 

“I think you are the only person that knows the real me as well.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

<- Previous Chapter || TAOAS Masterlist || Next Chapter ->

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Overall Masterlist

Discord link

[delulu247baby]

🟡Why I think we as a fandom should associate the colour Yellow with Sunny just like we associate the colour pink&red/orange/green/blue/purple with Aubrey/Kel/Basil/Hero/Mari more often.🟡

1: yellow and it's symbolisms according to Google and multiple web sites represents:

Positively:

1:Optimism and Hope:

While this doesn't exactly fit him ingame or pregame, I can definitely see it fitting in post game. Where the truth is finally out, and he's moving to a new city full of opportunity and something new. Filled with optimism & hope.

2:Energy and Excitement:

"Yellow is known for its stimulating effect, making it a good choice for situations and products intended to create a sense of excitement or energy."

While this definitely doesnt fit sunny as a character, it can be seen as opposite to him. "In battle, Sunny cannot become Happy under any circumstances; even if cheats are used to alter the party's emotions, he is completely immune to becoming Happy. He is the only character in both reality and Headspace where this is the case.

In fact, Sunny's sprite sheet does not even have portrait frames for him being Happy.

Uniquely, he also cannot become Depressed or Enraged, whereas all other party members in reality can with cheats." -SUNNY TRIVIA OMORI WIKI

3:Creativity and Innovation:

"Yellow is often associated with creativity, imagination, and intellectual stimulation, making it a good choice for environments where these qualities are valued. "

"SUNNY has also always had a very vivid imagination. He enjoys toys and video games and tends to get lost in daydreams.[12] However, after MARI's death, these daydreams turned into the full-out escapism of HEADSPACE as he became too afraid to face the truth. " - OMORI Wiki

4:Attention and Alertness:

"Yellow is a highly visible color, making it effective for attracting attention and promoting alertness, which is why it's used in safety signage and warnings."

Just like in the point 1, I can see this being opposite to Sunny's character. Sunny can does not like attention drawn to himself. Or maybe it can be in reference to the attention and alertness his friends might or will have after the truth is revealed. To his mental state or to his character, it's up to interpretation.

5:Warmth and Sunshine:

"Yellow's association with the sun and warm weather contributes to its positive connotations of comfort and happiness. "

"PHOTO ALBUM: SUNNY is a little shy, but he's a really good listener. I always end up venting to him when I get upset or stressed. Sometimes I feel like I'm bothering him, but he never seems to mind. -BASIL"

"KEL: Do you remember when we were kids, me and you used to sneak out of the house to go to HOBBEEZ in the middle of the night? We could never get up for school on time the next morning, and HERO and MARI would always ask why would looked so tired. I'm sure they suspected something, but I'm glad they never told our moms... We were pretty adventurous back then, huh? Haha..."

"AUBREY: You know... Before we met, I had a lot of trouble fitting in... Even after we all became friends... I always assumed you were going to leave me eventually. But... when the others were busy doing things... you always seemed to have time for me. You would listen to me talk for hours and hours... I could always rely on you to do that." - OMORI WIKI

I think for everyone in the friend group, he brings warmth and sunshine.

6:Mental Stimulation:

"Yellow is thought to increase activity in the left brain, which is responsible for rational thinking and analytical ability."

"He also demonstrates remarkably high intelligence: Despite having dropped out of school when he was twelve years old[4] and technically lacking most formal education, he appears to have functional knowledge of advanced concepts such as calculating standard deviation of statistics and can successfully tutor two children in two different subjects that he likely hadn't been properly taught." -OMORI WIKI

Negatively:

1:"Anxiety and Irritation: In some cases, bright or excessive amounts of yellow can lead to feelings of anxiety, stress, and even irritation."

"Sunny appears to have anger issues; he has a very short temper (something as small as a fly buzzing near his ear is enough to anger him), and this anger tends to express itself through dramatic, sometimes violent outbursts. This anger critically leads to an incident where, frustrated over his lack of progress with violin practice, he threw his violin down the stairs in a fit of rage, smashing it, followed shortly after by fatally shoving Mari away from him during a heated argument, something the Truth photo album describes as him "losing all sense".[3] Notably, in battle, his Angry portrait depicts an intense amount of emotion, more than every other character's, even Omori's. Sunny appears to additionally suffer from anxiety, and had learnt to Calm Down, Focus, and Persist in order to help him cope with his anxiety and phobias, although he has forgotten these by the time of the game's events and needs to be reminded." -OMORI WIKI

With him being an easily irritated & angered character, with stressed out from high expectations, and anxiety from self doubt, lack of self worth, and not being enough for others I can see this fitting his character perfectly.

2:"Cowardice and Deceit: Historically, yellow has been linked to cowardice, deceit, and betrayal."

This can roughly translate to: cowardice for forcing the memories of the accident deep into his subconscious. Deceit for lying about the truth and what happened to the violin. (you can also count Sunny scribbling out the pictures but not admitting it was him when it was mentioned) and betrayal by, (admittedly unknowingly at the time, considering he still had dissociative amnesia) leaving Basil all alone for 4 years & only coming back when he is about to leave in less than 3 days. And also by telling the truth in the true ending, not only betraying his friends by lying to them for 4 years, but also Basil, since he did not talk to him before telling the truth, something that they both should have done together (though I think that's for the best. And I will that explain another time)

3:"Illness and Decay: In certain contexts, yellow can be associated with illness, decay, and jaundice."

Illness can be referred to his malnourishment and lack of self care, but also his mental state with hallucinations, depression, suicidal ideation, self harming tendencies. And Decay can be referred to letting himself decay further and further into headspace. Killing himself several endings in his bed. Letting himself decay further but this time physically as well. And jaundice can, instead of being the literal meaning, symbolize his sickness with malnourishment, paleness, and vomit when he eats the uncooked steak.

4:"Warning and Caution: Yellow is often used in warning signs and to indicate caution, which can lead to negative associations. "

Personally, I think these can refer to multiple things. 1: his lack of self care and suicidal tendencies, a warning and caution to others. 2: the warnings and cautionary references to the truth in headspace. The warning and caution too yourself before you(Sunny) face the truth.

5:"Sensationalism and Excess: The color yellow can also be associated with sensationalism and excess. "

Sensationalism and Excess can both refer to Sunny slowly finding out the truth of what he's done.

6:Cultural Variations:

"It's important to note that the meanings of colors can vary across cultures, and yellow is no exception. For example, in some cultures, yellow can symbolize sadness or jealousy."

Via Google search:

"Germany: Yellow symbolizes envy and jealousy"

Although it is never specified in canon I can see Sunny being jealous or envious of Mari. Maybe in terms of the piano, he did name himself after the name of the instrument brand in headspace, implying he thinks the piano was more important to her than him. Giving him jealousy and envy over the piano, which she gave more attention to rather then him. Or maybe the fact that she was always perfect. That she always had a smile on her face that he just couldn't replicate. Maybe the fact that she had so many achievements, so different talents that she was just always perfect at. Perhaps he felt he was just Mari's little brother in the friend group. And that the only reason the others were only friends with him was because of her, the important one. Jealous and envious, he couldn't be more like her. Perfect, happy, talented, prioritized, and important.

Egypt: Yellow is reserved for mourning

Morning for his sister. Morning for someone who taught you how to tie your shoes, morning for someone who would let you sleep in their bed when you had nightmares, someone who always made sure you were taking care of yourself, having at least a cup of water a day and 3 meals a day. For someone who always made their famous cookies when you were feeling down, they were always your favorite. For someone who always there when you needed a hug, regardless of the time of day or night. For someone who was always there to kiss your bruises and scratches away, and always put a cool band aid on it afterwards. For someone who threw themselves into a deep, deep waters wearing one of their favorite dresses in order to save you, ecause you were more important than just a stupid dress. For someone who taught you how to play the violin, so you could play together on a stage, just you and her, playing a duet you both made together. For someone that you loved. For someone you killed. For someone who will never, ever be coming back.

France: Yellow signifies jealousy, betrayal, weakness, and contradiction

Jealousy for someone you betrayed

Weakness for someone who contradicts.

Western cultures: Yellow is associated with warmth, happiness, and optimism

There will always be people that consider you their warmth.

There will always be people that consider you their happiness.

There will always be people that consider you their optimism.

Native Americans: Yellow is the symbol for unconditional love

2: Color Wheel Theory

Kel is represented by orange in the game and his brother hero is represented by the color blue in the game

Aubrey is represented by pink/red in the game and her direct opposite Basil is represented by Green.

And Mari is most from presented by purple in the game and while sunny is represented most by white in the game, if we go off the logic of the first two then logically, we should more associate him more with the color yellow.

☀3: Yellow is often associated with the Sun.☀

His name is literally sunny.

And all of his ship names include the name sun.

Also the crazy connection he has to sunflowers in game.

And that concludes why I think we as a community, should associates sunny with the color yellow more in fan art and other media!!

Note: I am not saying everyone and everything should start being about Sunny with yellow instead of white/to replace white with yellow. I thinkthe color white fits him perfectly to!! I'm just saying, since yellow is right there, unused by any other main character, and has symbolism that matches his character perfectly, we should start giving him more colorful fan work with it. But that's just my opinion. Thank you for reading this far if you have!! And if you disagree with my opinions that's completely valid! Just please don't invalidate mine. Everyone is allowed to have their opinions, and even if I disagree with yours, and you disagree with mine, that doesn't mean we should hate & argue each other for it. Respect my opinion and I'll respect yours. Again thank you for reading :33 I hope you have a lovely day, afternoon or night wherever you are<333. (Also, I gave neutral colours like white to the rest of the characters, but I'll make a separate post about that)

[eternal-sacrifice]

Been thinking about winners.... Then I thought too hard... Here's my thoughts on.. all of them,,,,

• IF bdubs won next season: he has earned it. It would be great seeing as last season was a 3rd life throwback and sort of a redemption, if the next season was his most difficult we could go full heros journey with this bitch and the win would be incredibly satisfying.

9/10 didn't realize I wanted him to win but, I'm rooting for him now! Convinced me

• If bigB won next season: please let him win. I need him to win. He hasn't gotten a single ounce of attention from the fandom in any of his 4 amazing story arcs, and maybe just maybe they would care about him if he won. With new members joining he could have a fresh start (again), maybe with a win he could pull ahead all on his own, just like he started 2 years ago.

1000/10 I NEEED IT

• if Cleo won next season: hggfhhfjg. Hfhfhgfgg... Divorce quartet real... The animations... The fanart..... It would be so cool. I don't think Cleos character has much motivation to win atm, but if she was forced into a position where she needed to take the win it could be a very refreshing twist on the story.

7/10 we love to see a king winning

• if etho won next season: hey sorry ethogirls I don't know him well enough- all I know is that the fans would become crazy and I'd become an ethogirl. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk

• if gem won next season: okay, gem win would be awesome, yeah. Doesn't matter if everyone loves her, doesn't matter if everyone hates her, I just need her to be the main character, be confused, be crazy, die. It would hurt her character so deeply and would be genuinely amazing for her lore.

8/10 this would be sick

• if grian won next season: let's try that again baby! He might have won the first time with kindness, trust, loyalty and true friendship- but it can't be like that anymore can it. Everyone's left him, everyone's moved on, his life is falling apart, and for once he's barely stopping it. He's just trying to understand what's going on. He ends up in a similar situation to s1, and can't take it- he snaps, kills the other players, and wins once more, making everyone go crazy and the fandom die from shock immediately.

4/10 hmmmm

• if impulse won next season: HES BEEN SOOOOOO CLOSE FOR THE PAST 4 SEASONS. GIVE IT TO HIM PLEASE. only if he weasels his way in though, I love it when he's a lying little cheat and a freaky lil traitor. He needs everyone in his life to leave him or trust him completely and I will die on that hill.

7/10 hehehehe impman

• if Jimmy won next season: ughhhhhhh. Okay. So. Canary boy. He has never experienced pain before in his entire life. For those reasons 1. I'd love for him to win so he can finally understand the series he's in 2. I'd hate for him to win because nooo he broke the curse :((

Canary/10

• if Joel won next season: SBDBDJSKXBJDBXKSDBJDHSHAHDH THAT WOULD BE SO GOOOOOOOD WAIT WAIT WAIT I HADN'T EVEN CONSIDERED- so he's been alone the past 4 seasons, yeah. Even during double life with his loving husband, he knew he would end up alone again in the end, so it was all for nothing in his eyes. He gave his full trust and loyalty to his boys, something he's not used to, and if next season he's alone again- he can't take it. He goes about it smarter then last life, though- he keeps to himself, makes himself stronger the whole season, builds companionship with people (they're not used to him being so friendly), and wins with a last minute betrayal or simply being the last man standing. He would barely expect it, but it would heal his character so much, and also break him.

9/10 WOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!you better do this right asshole. Just kidding however he wins will be perfect

• if Lizzie won next season: similar to gem, but with more spite, and more guarenteed loneliness. It would be- really hard for her to take another season. All of her allyships would be strained, and I can totally see her joining or even commanding another big group, but she'd be alone in reality. A win for her would be cruel.

5/10 queen please

• if martyn won next season: illegal

• If mumbo won next season: I'd go crazy. Mumbos got so many satisfying ways to take his character, and the FANART and god lhbevfuebejrkje. Hes only been there once. He never learned how to play the game. If he won this time- hendndjdjbthekdndkelkebek 500/10 I need it

• if pearl won next season: as much as I would love for her to win again, 1. Too soon, she hasn't recovered from the first one please 2. The fandom would hate her for it 3. She already got what she needed from her first win. It'd be unnecessary for her character arc. It's very unlikely anyways, I'm sure if she got in that situation again, which might happen, she'd give it to whoever else is there.

3/10 I'm sorry goddess

• if Ren won next season: PLEASEEEEEE BE KIND TO HIMMMMMM honestly I think they would just give him the win. He's gonna get in a nice group, they're gonna have loyalty to him and he's gonna have loyalty to them, and wherever it goes he's gonna end up in the endgame again. Everyone there will understand that he deserves that win. If they don't martyn will kill em all into understanding lol. Maybe we could get a desert duo "you can kill me" moment but martyn refuses and kills himself. That would be so cool of him actually

7/10 my doggo deserves love but not like this

• if scar won next season: :3c

He need to okay. He needs to. I don't care how it happens I don't care when it happens I just need him to murder grian and get the win. I need him to understand that HE DESERVES TO WIN. he's gone through so much and he still doesn't understand his self worth, but if he kills that stupid bitch and calls upon old allies to help him get to the end- it could be so lovely oh my god

10/10 my brother in Christ

• if Scott won next season: this would kill him he would leave

0/0 I'm scared

• if skizz won next season: okay his story thus far wasn't amazing, oh wait it was. ACTUALLY HIS LIMITED LIFE WAS THE ONLY GOOD LIMITED STORY(completely untrue but listen IT WAS FULL, THERE WAS A WHOLE CHARACTER ARC even if it was good person to better person, HE IS SO TALENTED AND CHARISMATIC IF HE TEAMED UP WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE NEXT SEASON I COULD TOTALLY SEE IT BEING AMAZING. HE DESERVES IT. AND HIS WIN WOULD BE AWESOME.

9/10 he's pretty give me a break

• if tango wins next season: okay while all of his seasons other then last life have been boring it could be fun. I mean okay, double life wasn't boring. And I can't say anything about 3rd life. Sure, jeez, he can win. Just need him to get mad and kill some guys first ^_^

5/10 go for it guy

Sorry I advance to everyone I angered deeply with this post, I don't know all the characters perfectly. I can't wait to see this age like fine wine with the next season, honestly whoever wins I'll be crazy about no matter what. I'd love to hear anyone else's thoughts on this!

[howtowhumpyourhiccup]

Rift

Summary: Httyd Whump Week Day 4. Sequel to 'The Family Curse.' Years after his first miscarriage, the Dragon Riders have finally welcomed a living child of Hiccup's, but his troubles aren't over yet and Ruffnut finds herself punished for them.

Warnings: Mentions of infant loss

Rating: Mature

Dead Dove: No

Words: 798

Prompts: Ruffnut

Fandom: How to Train Your Dragon

Characters: Hiccup, Ruffnut, Toothless

Pairing: Ruffcup (OT6)

Author's Notes: Had a reeeeeaaaally rough time coming up with an idea for this one, but eventually, I found one. :')

Enjoy!

-XOXOX-

Hiccup was someone Ruffnut thought she could always come to for whatever and whenever. Even if the reason was a little bit crazy, he could sigh, he could roll his eyes, but he would do it. Whatever was troubling her, whatever thought came to mind, she could always share it.

Nowadays, they can’t even be in the same room together without there being an icy cold tension between them.

It’s not just her, he’s giving Astrid the cold shoulder as well, but she has a much easier time shaking it off. She just gives him a sigh, an empathetic squeeze on his shoulder that almost makes him cry every single time and then she moves on.

But Ruffnut? She just can’t do that. Even hated by him together, she can’t swallow it.

They’re sitting in the living room together on opposites sides of the dinner table, each on one end. Hiccup has his arms crossed with a scowl on his face that they’re slowly getting used to. Toothless sits in front of him, tries to purr at him comfortingly, but he’s not listening.

And only a month after giving birth, they can’t blame him. Because he’s not the one sitting here and nursing his child; Ruffnut is.

Astrid has as well. Neither have recently had a child, but they’ve each given birth at least once already, Ruffnut has a set of twins. So even when a child of theirs cries that they haven’t personally given birth to, they’re close enough that their bodies will provide. They love this child, this little boy, he’s just as much theirs as he’s Hiccup’s. And yet, watching Ruffnut sit there and nurse the son he carried from conception to birth hurts, because they are doing what he can’t. For some reason, he’s not producing enough milk.

Eventually, their son, aptly named Vigi, has had enough and Ruffnut settles him over her shoulder to burp him. She tries to ignore how Hiccup is staring at the wall on his other side just so he won’t catch even a single glimpse of her in the corner of his eyes. He’s resenting both her as well as Astrid, putting a strain on their once loving relationship and she feels guilty.

This son is Hiccup’s third, but his first to survive.

Back when their marriage was new, he was the first to express the desire to have a baby and soon after they started trying, but they didn’t get him pregnant once, not until both Astrid as well as Ruffnut had their children first. Their eldest daughter was four by the time Hiccup had his first.

That child came about a month too early, he was stillborn.

He was devastated, heart and soul both broken, but he only allowed himself a few months to recover before he insisted that they try again. He got pregnant almost immediately that time, only to give birth even a month earlier to a girl that he held for an hour before she, too, passed. She was so small she fit in both his hands.

Another five years passed, Astrid has given birth to a healthy baby boy in the time it took them to get him pregnant for the third and, hopefully, final time. He loves all of their children so much that it hurts. When he even thinks something might be wrong, it becomes hard for him to breathe. And in Astrid’s second pregnancy, he projected all of his fears onto her.If this one hadn’t worked out, he would’ve just called it quits.

He doesn’t even enjoy sex with his partners anymore, it’s a chore for him now. Only done because one of his loves asked him. When things get heated anywhere and they don’t immediately involve him, he leaves before they can.

But Vigi was born when he needed to, he’s healthy and when he first held him, Hiccup promised him that he would do everything in his power to protect him.

Only to immediately find out that he can’t even feed him and now he resents those who can. And his resentment hurts.

Vigi burps and Hiccup visibly tenses up. Ruffnut can feel the guilt eating away at her even as she holds their son in her arms and sees his happy little face. Maybe she can do something about the tension by returning him his son. She’s desperate to shatter it.

“Hiccup, I’m done, so you can-” he doesn’t give her the chance to make it right, shooting up from the chair and leaving the house with surprising speed for someone who had a baby only a month ago.

Toothless tries to stop him, but he’s out of the house soon enough, leaving the three of them behind to watch the front door slam closed.

[woodsfae]

Babylon 5 S03E16 War Without End: Part One previous episode - table of contents

From the preview image that Tubi chose for the episode I see that Sinclair's back?? My old friend!! As well as our first glimpse at Minbar outside the Grey Council chambers, I believe! It's beautiful: very sculpted in a sort of sci-fi Rivendell way which fits the Minbari's space elf vibe. 

Entil'Zha is being presented with a sacred box, which has waited for over 900 years..in which there is a letter for Jeffrey David Sinclair! Dun dun dun. Prophecy is real, Babylon 5 is a high fantasy as much as it is sci-fi. 

Another prophecy, this one of the sci-fi variety: Babylon 5 gets a transmission of Ivanova calling for help, saying "they're killing us." 

This show gives me so many fanfic ideas and I haven't looked to see if anyone else has done them yet, because I'm avoiding spoilers. So I really don't go looking for info on B5 or interact with fandom works much. But this episode reminds me that I keep toying with the idea of an AU where Sinclair never leaves at the end of s01 and the whole plot plays out with him. I miss him, he got into my heart so fast and I had no inkling he was leaving the show till well after I was attached. 

It's nice to see Sinclair has had Minbari friends in his time running/recruiting/training the Rangers from Minbar. 

Partner just asked me what my predictions were for Sinclair and then when I went on a ramble just stared at me and told me to write it down. So here: my prediction of Sinclair's fate. In a separate post, because it's a bit too much of a tangent.

I've paused for long enough for only being six minutes into, so we're going to move on now, but if you wanna hear meta thoughts on what I think might happen with other characters end games, I could ramble about it.

Ivanova: this recording is fake. my analysis is based on logic: I didn't do it, ergo it is fake. Garibaldi, living for some sci-fi shenanigans: what if it's time travel.

They have Garibaldi positioned poorly before a dark path in the backdrop and it looks like he has one, huge pouf of hair sticking out one side of his head, lol.

Sinclair's back on Babylon 5! Zack Allen is in plainclothes, so perhaps all staff have the option? Or Zack wasn't invited to their special senior staff matching uniforms? 

Delenn being a drama queen. It's one of the qualities they hire for on the Grey Council. 

Lennier: "It must be done or the dream will die, and countless others will die."

o m in o u s

Eight days since the last Vorlon attack, per Marcus. 

Sinclair looks so good in Sci-Fi Rivendell clothes. Eeeek, I missed him, I love it. 

Oh it's Zak? Zap? Zathras? Yes! Zathras! Wow, I wasn't sre he'd be back, let alone that he'd be in shenanigans with DraalPlanet, OR that DraalPlanet would be doing something with time travel! 

And Sheridan! Is also wearing Minbari fashion! Some very snazzy robes over his uniform. 

Ivanova's message from the future is so grim. The captain is dead. "They" are coming in all over the place. External cams: Shadows. The Shadows have weapons lock. Explosions. Seems pretty straightforward and I bet it'll play out exactly like that with no twists. :P /hah

As Sheridan is doubtlessly about to find out, it's always going to be a normal evening when you are asked to swear you trust someone with your life before events can commence. 

Delenn has a powerpoint presentation about the Shadows. And a battle where the shadows were driven from their home, Zha'Dum. But the Minbari were losing at the time. Until Babylon 4 appeared! Delenn says without Babylon 4, they would have lost the war. 

Even while Babylon 4 was in construction, the Shadows attacked to destroy it. And the White Star was there! Delenn says they must go through the temporal rift that Draal is widening, protect B4, steal B4, and send B4 around in time. End Presentation! Everyone agrees with her flawless logic. And because she brought receipts in the form of video archival footage from DraalPlanet's surveillance system: Epsilon 3. 

That I didn't see coming, either. But like Garibaldi, I am so on board for the sci-fi hijinks. 

Oh, Delenn's plan goes farther! She and Sheridan will take B4 on the entire time travel trip and personally fight in the historical fight against the Shadows. Ten thousand years ago, right??? Damn, Sheridan and Delenn are going to stride through time and strike titanic, decisive blows in a war that felled entire species of sci-fi space gods!! That's so fucking epic. 

Ivanova is floating the idea that she was calling for help from an alternate timeline. But Garibaldi thinks it's the timeline they're planning now, where they take B4. 

I'm sure that SInclair's quippy references to Sheridan are super funny, but sadly I do not get the references. 

Zathras is here again. I...don't get Zathras. He's ehh funny. But extremely plot useful! Sinclair is meeting Zathras for the second time, but for Zathras it's the first time. But Zathras is well-informed, because he's very super honored to meet Sinclair and Sheridan, but also that's on the list of things Draal told him not to mention. 

Ahh, this Sinclair has already lived through the destruction of Babylon 5! He's already experiencing the world nonlinearly and is trying to do differently on this loop - damn! Or he's having visions from an alternate timeline but at some point you gotta agreee those are almost the sme thing, structurally, experientially, and thematically.

Time travel requires the use of devices that act as anchors. Zathras is handing them out and they're all being clipped visibly on a belt or sash, thus guaranteeing that someone will lose theirs. Sinclair? 

Aww, Sinclair sees Delenn and Sheridan holding hands and smiled. That makes me wistful for the Sinclair/Delenn endgame that exists in my personal, unwritten AU. 

Garibaldi is due an arc of making good, upstanding decisions and not doing police brutality so it hits extra hard when he blows up with Babylon 5. Or he makes it two more seasons, idk. I wouldn't mind if they lost a few characters and he was one of them.

Especially not if we could swap him for Talia back. I can't decide if I think she (or her personality that got overwritten) will be back or not. 

The White Star has been ugraded with Vorlon skin, so it deflects attacks better, which Sheridan affects to be unimpressed by.

Garibaldi guesses "Hello, old friend," as the password which Sinclair used to lock a goodbye/sorry video Sinclair left for him. Which makes me softer for Garibaldi. That's what I think of when I think of Sinclair, too! 

Oooo, Sheridan's time stabilizer got hit and now he's unstuck in time. Space is big. Hope he lands on something with an atmosphere. Delenn can pick him up later, I'm sure.

Sheridan always automatically turns to Delenn for backup, but Sinclair automatically turns to Ivanova, and I love that. 

Sheridan just time traveled to the future where Londo is the Emperor of Centaur! And it's "just in time to die."

Are they currently losing a war in the future? Perhaps Centaur is now a holdout in the war for existence against the Shadows in an alternate future and Sheridan will be meant to save the future as well as the past? 

So funny how taken aback Delenn is that Sinclair speaks Minbari now. He lived there! Marcus, who was being trained as a Ranger there learned Minbari as what he implied was a necessity. But Delenn is so surprised. Their heart to heart is so sweet. *shipping intensifies*

Back to the future! Sheridan and Londo seems like he's blaming other people for his own support of the Shadows' agenda coming back to bite Londo and Centaur in the ass. "Ohhh if only you'd joined me in collaborating I wouldn't have had to face any consequences!" He'll get everything he ever thought he wanted and learned that being Emperor lost him everything he'd ever cared loved.

That's a pretty good hook and a cliffhanger. And a ton of interesting information was revealed! It's too late for Part Two tonight but I pinky-promise I will watch it tomorrow. I wrote up some predictions after I did a Sinclair one and an other-characters one before I watched...

War Without End: Part Two

[italianpersonwithashippersheart]

Masterpost and About Me

Pronouns: For now everything is fine. I don't know what my gender is and there are so many things that I have to do first before I can figure it out.

Name: You can Use Ita/ITA (Shoutout to @benkaaoi for first calling me that)

Original Post Tag: ITA Original (I have backtracked this using XKit because prev my original post had the txt automated tag, but I have only been using the txt tag since last year so those are the only post that got backtracked) - (Shoutout to @twig-tea for first giving me the original tag idea)

Posts where I comment on My Reblog will Have the tag: ITA Responds (I have not backtracked this except one or two posts, that will take a lot of manual labor, I might get to it in the future, I don't do it that often anyway)

Just an FIY: If you have issues with any of my thoughts and you want to engage with them, please feel free to do so directely. So long as everyone stays polite we can have a discussion. We can even just agree to disagree mutually block each other and move on. I do not like vagueposting. Just be direct please.

META/ANALYSIS AND POSTS I WANT TO HIGHLIGHT

FoureverYou Project Masterpost

The Trainee: No Kiss Till The Finale

GMMTV QL Plan

Ossan no Pants ga Nandatte Ii Janai ka! Mini Thought Dump/Review

Taishin ND Read

We Are: Why I Didn't Like It

Only Boo Finale

Weddings In QL

About GLs - Small update October 2024 given my burn out and general difficulties with GLs I have decided to give up on watching GLs completely.

BL Wishes

Only Friends Pilot Trailer vs The Show (Not going to put all my OFTS posts but this one is relevant to a possible future meta post that might happen)

Make A Wish Sub Ita Thoughts

Poly Post

Dead Friend Forever Finale/Retrospective: x x Also: Still waiting for my fix it fic (Not going to list all my DFF posts just the final ones)

***

Maybe Let's take BL actors at their word, K? Thanks!

BOC and NC Scenes (w additions - also look at the notes for more info)

4 Minutes: First Theory - Post 6 - Post Ep 6 Theory - Small theory on the ending on @lurkingshan's post - Post Ep 7 Tonkla Meta - Post Finale mini rant

Ohm Thitiwat is at GMMTV and I freak out about it

The Importance Of Tone in QLs

Burn Out On BLs

Venting about Peaceful Property Now That it's Done

Gmmtv 2025

Domundi 2025

***

Thoughts on RPF

Relection on Vagueposting

ThamePo All Posts Masterpost

WilliamEst + LYNK werewolf BL Manifesting 🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️

***

No More SKZ content on the blog, still love them (mostly) leaving the fandom

[k0k0-library]

Typewriter - The Earth is Breathing

Fandom: Ben 10

Pairing: Vilgax x Reader

Rating: safe (4 this chapter); 18+ overall

Sinop.:

-Ch 1-

You can't feel your legs

You walk alone

Space is your saviour.

Chapter list (coming soon)

Meeting with a certain someone and him offering his help was not on your bucket list for this cataclysm. Maybe he is truthful to his beliefs and was just misunderstood this whole time. Maybe he wishes to use you as a pawn.

But unless you will try to understand him and trust him, you'd achieve nothing.

 "Unicronus Terra is very angry with you"

    Both you and your father tried to restart the car, make a U-turn and fuck off from that spot there and then, but the damned thing did not want to move. "Y/Y, stay ducked on the floor and not a sound. Maybe he did saw you in the car yet." You wanted to protest. You might have been only a young adult, but you knew better than to leave a powerless, unarmed man take on The Conquerer of Nine Worlds all alone. It was clear though, Leonard meant bussines and was not asking you as a father to obey, he was ordering you as a commander would a fresh private. And you did, quickly ducking your head and lowering yourself on the rough carpets - it smelled like dried bubblegum and motor oil on the floor. You held your breath and your heart skipped a beat as your father opened the front door and went outside to face the Chimeran warlord. 

    Time stood still, and you couldn't really hear anything  outside because of the airtight seal he had installed in the windows being your curse to uncertainty right now. But, as you did not feel any treppidation, or blood curling shatters. You wanted to get out and help your father go hand to hand against the fucking giant alien octopus... squid... whatever the fuck this man was! But your thoughts were interrupted by your own father hectically opening the door and getting in the drivers seat, stopping there for a moment. "Honey... get back on your seat and buckle up. We're going to follow that fucking alien."

    "But, dad... He's Vilgax-"

    "I am aware, honey."

    And so, you were now following Vilgax through the forestry path. Him of all people, a warlord that saught fear in any speecies that he had conquered in his lifespan of 3000 years (well, human years, considering he is still quite young for a Chimeran), and that he was you know... evil. But, you couldn't bring yourself to yank the steering wheel from your father and turn the car around and fuck off into the hurizon. 

    After some time, you noticed that same veiny and puss-filled ramifications nearby and you panicked. Their soft purpleish glow broke the early evening atmsosphere, the sun setting only adding to their ominuous glow. They pulsed gently as they made their way to your car, slithering on the ground and inching closer and closer. You swallowed drily as your throat itched for a cry of terror. Leonard, albeit terrified, continued to follow the warlord. The car was a temporary shield for you and your father, and VIlgax knew that; he knew that the veins would finally catch your scent and try to break the vehicle to get to the both of you. What a loss for him to have had a beautiful thrin flower right in his palm, only for it to wither and decay right there and then before his red eyes. The conquerer moved slower, matching his speed to the one your father was currently using with the car. 

    You didn't realised it, you didn't question who when and how, but you were outside of the car running ot him; with your father's voice shouting after you. Funny, wasn't it? Running to the warlord that you grew up afraid of, to see what? That he was ok? This is not some romance book honey, this is real life. You were outside, breathing in the stale smell of spores, seeing the pulsing veins not so far away from you. For some unknown reason, they ceased attack, like a little respirro before a horrifying attack over you. 

    One might ask themselves Why wouldn't you just use 3rd gear and a speed greater than 30 km/h? You see, whatever this anomaly was, it was terribly angered by fast movements. If a small ball was to be thrown to one of them, the poor plastic toy couldn't even get to them before getting impaled by several sharp monoliths. Of course, the being that began to corrupt the world would eventually understand there is no human flesh in it, and leave it alone. What is even more concerning is that some veins knew the smell and taste of flesh - human flesh - and so, you and your father walking normally outside might set it off the wrong way and get in conflict or... worse... 

    "Stop the engine... I sense something amiss-"

    Damned be his "I'm better than you" talking - Leo stopped the engine almost imediately and turned to you with a worried expression. "When we talked about the anomally for the first time what did I tell you, sport?" "To not worry...?" "Worry-"

    His tone, the fact that Vilgax was stressed about something looking left and right for any sign of a monolith or other abnormality nearby and that you were kilometers and kilometers away from home, from your family, from your friends. You put your headphones in again and started Patelliday's Log 32 for the thousand time that day. Hearing uncle 'Day's voice always made you feel calmer, so why now did it panic you even more than you already were? Time stood still, as the recording ended and you found yourself staring foreward, through the windshield.

    Before you could register what was happening, you let out a scream that could make any singer envious of you. A monolith struck the large alien in his left shoulder, making him stumble back one step. He let out an anoyed sigh and grabbed the cristalized shard tightly with one of his hands and shattered it with little effort. You winced seeing Vilgax get a better grip at the part of the monolith still stuck in his shoulder and pull it out with a growl, that somehow got through the airtight windows of your father's car. Light blue liquid started to pool from the wound and  you saw him lean on a nearby tree to take a breather. You never saw someone being pierced by a monolith before; objects and testers sure... but not an actual breathing person (testers was what you and your father called dead humans or human parts you threw to test if there were monoliths nearby). And so, you would never know what would happen. Was he going to die? Was he going to be ok or get corrupted? you weren't sure... and that was what made you worry. 

_________________

    At some point you woke up on some weird test table of sorts. It was cold, the feeling of freezing seeping into your skin, your naked unprotected skin. You tried to toss and turn around in the metal bed but you couldn't. And worse, you couldn't feel or move your legs. You began to sob quietly, remembering the stupidity in your actions before the world around you went blank. A warm hand gently pat your head. "Awake, sport? You gave me quite the fright, Y/N..." Your loving father was by your bedside, gently trying to comfort you, as silent panic ate at your heart.

    "Dad, be honest... did I lose my legs?

    "Your legs...?"

    He gently lifted the bedsheet for you in a corner for you to see that, in fact, your legs were still there pretty much. Just sore and hurting from the time you spent lying down in The Hammer's medbay. Apparently, the warlord and your father somehow managed to get to the ship together with an entranced you. Right after arriving, Vilgax set you up in the decontamination chamber for quite a while, and now you were on oxigen treatment for the spores you inhaled. "And why am I naked then?" "You don't wanna know..." Well that was so very comforting father, thank you for your impecable assistance in making us even more confused.

    An hour after waking up, you were allowed to get up on your own, and walk around for a bit. You borrowed a jacket from your father to put over some of your clothes, since it was very cold in Vilgax's ship, and poor you never thought of packing one in the haste you left in. Generators, batteries, portable military radios, guns and weapons of various things - but God forbid a woman wants to bring an extra hoodie when the world is crumbling appart! You weren't really going to far from either the medbay or your father, as the ship was filled with robots and drones and automatons that did not necessarily knew you. What if they would think you're some kind of intruder and try to neutralize you?

    But humans, the curious beings that they are - and which you are too - always questions and explore anything and everything they can. You ventured a bit into the ship, trying to push the limits you were allowed and trying to see how much of the gigantic aircraft you could memorize on your own. "Tiny one, I thought you were supposed to still be recuperating... and not to say-" You felt a large clawed hand grab you around your waist "You shouldn't stick your nose where it doesn't belong" You quickly turned around to be met face to genuflected knee with the Chimeran warlord. To be honest, he was big - but he did look bigger in person. 

    You were a bit lost as you stared up at him. You got a closer look at the alien, his vermillion eyes feeling empty, no intention underneath them - not a malicious one neither one means. "Only because you are imune to the infection outside does not mean you should feel like the ruller of my ship! Go back to the medbay." You mustn't be told twice, as you were in the medbay in less time than it took you to get there. You were shaken by the thought that a ruthless warlord was so pacifistic with you, that he did not kill you the first time, not the second time. Will the third time be your deadly charm and find your head fallen to the ground with a mirriad of screams and cried in the backgorund of the ones that want your soul, of the ones that lost you and of the ones that dreaded you? Maybe not. Vilgax always was (and will be) a complicated man that left much to the imagination of his adversaries. And this was what brought him victory each and every time - plagued minds.

    "Back so soon, honey?"

    "I... I ran into him today" You flopped onto the hard frame of the medbay bed, sighing in defeat at your expedition that was too fastly cut off by a Chimera. And not any Chimera.

    "Don't worry, sport. We're safe for now. We're near the Moon-"

    "Near the fucking what?!"

[snowcoffeee]

Thank you for the tag @rhodophoria!! :D This was fun!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Just one (but there will be more soon ;))

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

127,025! I think Ashen Wishes is the longest story I've ever written (and it's still going, holy-)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly Undertale. In fact, I haven't written for anything else in years ^^' I need to have a lot of passion for a fandom to get myself to write. Unless the characters live 24/7 in my mind rent-free, no ideas will pop up.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Yes.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yeah, I love to! I really appreciate when someone takes their time to leave a nice message :] I always try to reply as soon as possible, or at least within a day.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I currently have a few one-shot ideas that have rather angsty endings, but I couldn't bear writing a whole longfic that ends on a sad note. ...I think.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Ashen Wishes will have a pretty happy, positive ending, so I suppose that counts (?)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thankfully, I never have :)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Well... not really. I've given it a shot a few times and I have a couple ideas, but I don't think I can bring myself to post anything too explicit at the moment.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I've never written one! I've always found them too difficult to execute well.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so...? Though I never looked for it.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope, but I wonder what that would look like! Although when it comes to writing fics, I'm much more comfortable writing in English than my native language.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not yet, but it sounds fun. I have friends who help with brainstorming sometimes, if that counts :)

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

I've never been into shipping characters that much. Sometimes I come across a ship and I genuinely like it, but then I move on. My reader-insert craze just never left me enough, I guess.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I strive to finish everything I start, even though it might, uh, take a little more time. I really hope I won't ever abandon my fics.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogues? Maybe? Those are usually the first things that pop up in my head when I'm trying to figure out a scene, and I build everything else around them. But I'm also really obsessed with pacing and trying to find a healthy balance between the events in a story. I'm not saying it's necessarily working, I just tend to pay more attention to it.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm very, very slow. I can linger on a single sentence for ten minutes because I can't get over how awkward a sentence feels, so I just stare at the screen trying to figure out how to fix it. Also, describing environments. I can't make them sound fun for the life of me. I feel like they always end up being very dry and unimaginative :/

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't run into them often, but I think they can spice up a dialogue sometimes. I especially like special short phrases that give the conversation a deeper meaning.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Oof, uh, Hollow Knight, if I remember correctly. I don't plan to post any of my older works though ^^'

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Ashen Wishes is probably the fic I've put the most effort in so far, and it's currently my favorite, too!

@imtrashraccoon if you'd like to join, but as always, no pressure! :D

[ruiniel]

Reunion

Fandom: Castlevania Series (2017-2021)

Rating: G

Relationship: Alucard & Lisa & Dracula

Characters: Alucard, Lisa, Dracula

Count: 1.2k

Also on AO3

Additional Tags: Post-Castlevania Season 4, Oneshot, Family, What If, Angst and Feels, I wanted this to happen, Castlevania References, He might not forgive them at once but... the moment

AN: Wrote this years ago after season IV ended.

The night was ripe with fragrant spring, and the forest shivered sleepily under a mild wind come from across the mountains.

Alucard rose to his feet, standing upon a high vantage point on the castle battlements overlooking the town of Belmont. He closed his eyes as a gust of fresh, pine-scented air breezed over his skin. When he opened them, the stranger was still there. 

Many years had passed, and the community surrounding the castle thrived, having faced few to no drawbacks or subsequent attacks. The village in time grew and prospered in trade and owed to the knowledge in the Vault and the castle, soon evolved into a town of repute, frequented by scholars and seekers of knowledge from across the land and beyond.

And now, this foreign presence had been lurking about its streets ever since evening settled, and even from this distance and height, Alucard could discern its nature.

Vampire. He followed the cloaked figure with his gaze as it slowly took the road leading to the castle.

The scent was unmistakable, familiar to one having lived and reached maturity among them — his people, half of his legacy. At first, he’d fretted and thought to act before the newcomer attacked anyone, but from his observation thus far, this was not a prowl in search of victims, a hunt for sustenance. Perhaps this vampire was a stray, seeking the castle for whatever shadowed reason, in memory of days past. Perhaps they were simply insane, who could know?

He would not wait to find out. Alucard took flight, and in a long, graceful leap, landed on his feet before the castle gates just as the stranger reached them.

He looked ahead, but the vampire neared on slow, determined steps. The traveler was tall and strong if his initial assessment was anything to go by. His hand tightened on the hilt of his sword; long ago, he’d made a promise: no one and nothing could ever ruin their peace or endanger the community they had all toiled to build and grow.

The vampire came closer, but try as he did, Alucard could not discern the features hidden beneath his hood. “I’d stop where you are if I were you,” he warned, standing before the stairs of the castle and drawing his sword with a sharp hiss of steel.

The stranger appeared to take heed, for he stilled a few paces away. 

“Find prey elsewhere,” Alucard continued, his tone cold as a winter’s day. “Leave this place now; or I'll be forced to make you.” The light of the moon sang on his long blade.

The other remained silent, made no move to reveal himself or retrace his steps.

Tiresome, Alucard thought, but two could play this game. He was patient, would not attack first. At the first sign of foul play, however, his sword would slash through the other’s chest. “Very well, we can stand here all night, if you like. I’m in no particular hurry.”

The stranger lowered his head. If Alucard did not know any better, he’d say the vampire was smiling beneath that hood.

“I like what you’ve done with the place.” 

The words were soft but struck lightning through the core of his being. Slowly, the vampire lifted his hands and drew back his hood, revealing his face. 

Alucard gasped, and for the first time in his life, the sword dropped from his hand, clattering uselessly on the stone-covered ground. His heart burst in his ears, and he watched the specter before him with widening, fearful eyes.

He’d lost his voice, and thoughts refused to form, but somehow Alucard spoke. A single choked word struggled to his lips, the echo of a buried loss. “F- father?”

“Son.”

Alucard blinked away the surging flare of emotion and tears brimming and blurring his sight. This was not reality. It was some spell, a glamor meant to weaken his defence — a chimera; it had to be. It had to…

Anger swelled within him at the poorly played scheme. His palm splayed as the sword sprang back in his hand, cold in his grip. “You’re not him,” he threw, and lunged forward.

He struck with all his might, but with awe and a new sense of gutting terror, Alucard saw the tip of his blade had been caught between two long, clawed fingers, held easily as though it were a flower stalk. Close as they were, he ground his teeth and stared into the vampire’s eyes. It all flooded him, grief and guilt filled him with the memory of talons raking through his chest, of a stake crushing flesh and bone. He quailed before the sight of those all too familiar features, the crimson light in that deep gaze, the scent he now knew, deep in his marrow. Still, he pushed harder, would not yield—

“Adrian?”

The call of his name snapped him out of his fury; blinking rapidly, Alucard peered beyond the vampire’s shoulder.

She stood there, tall and cloaked, her hands worrying at her chest, with moonlight shining on her silver-streaked hair. The last time Alucard had heard her voice, the last time…

“Are we alive?!”

He glanced back at the vision of his father, still standing there quietly, peacefully. As if burnt, he retreated, gaping at them both. “What… what is this?”

The woman neared, and though his mind refused to work and grasp what was before him, his heart raged and his throat seized at the care in her eyes; her eyes. Alucard barely noticed that he sank to his knees as recollection slashed through him until, unable to look anymore, he brought his head in his hands, falling forward. “This is not happening. You are not real, either of you… please, leave me be… please…”

She rushed forward and knelt before his curled form, her arms winding around him.

Alucard stared emptily at the ground, but without thought, his forehead rested on her shoulder, and all he could do was shiver. His shoulders shook. “How…?” he asked, over and over, “How?...” 

Gently, Lisa took his face in her palms, and they stared at each other for a long time. “My boy… my beautiful, beautiful boy,” she murmured, her blue eyes glistening, her own voice lower, hoarser than he remembered.

Heart bursting and thoughts muddled, Alucard crumpled at the sound of her words, the sight of her face. She looked to be past her prime in appearance, but not by much; fine lines graced her features at the corners of her eyes and mouth when she smiled. His lip quivered, and Alucard buried his face into her.

“It’s all right,” she whispered into his hair, her arms tighter around him, barely reaching across his back. “It’s all right. We’re here, Adrian. We found you again.” 

“How…” Alucard repeated wretchedly, clutching at her as though she were a fitful dream, fearful she would fade, that all this was yet another nightmare out of many that haunted his nights through the years.

With the weight of his father’s gentle hand on his head, through his hair, the tide he’d been stemming swelled and crashed with all the memories, the longing and misery, and Alucard fell against Lisa in a heap of confusion; sobbing like a child.

“We’re here,” she repeated, drawing soothing motions across his bent back as his tears stained her clothes.

Alucard nodded, as he did during his brief childhood, when she’d always be there to quell his sorrow with her love.

Lisa said no more, instead humming an old tune she would sing to him in their old times together, and held him as he wept.

Image credit: Kawase Hasui, Winter Moon over Toyama Plain

More of my work is on AO3 [many stories not on tumblr]

BLOG MASTERPOST (all you need to know)

Likes/comments/reblogs always and forever appreciated

[huthurheartsdramione]

Hiii! It’s been a long time since I’ve posted on here and I thought I would maybe try to be more active again so here’s some information about me to introduce myself.

Name: Heather

Age: 33

Screen name: huthurheartsdramione

Reasoning for screen name: my brother used to call me huthur and I love Dramione fanfic.

Reading Fanfic Since 2000: After The Goblet of Fire was published. Like many people, I read a little too much into Draco warning Hermione and friends about the Death Eaters at the Qudditch Workd Cup, and it spiraled from there and I started looking for stories/people who also thought Hermione and Draco would be a great couple. In the early days, I was on many now defunct sites including Coloured Grey and Granger Enchanted. I even printed out fanfic to take with me places where I didn’t have internet so I could read it. There are likely many half-stories lying around my childhood home. So I’ve been reading Dramione in particular for over 24 years, and within the Harry Potter fandom.

I also just want to make note that I don’t endorse, condone, or believe in JKR’s views. I know we can never fully separate the fandom from her and her work, but I do not condone transphobia in any way shape or form.

Fandom Realted Fun Facts:

1. I have a spreadsheet of fanfics I read this year. I felt bad about not reading traditionally published books as much this year and tracking my word count makes me feel better about that. My goal is to reach 10 million words by the end of the year. I’ve only been tracking since April of this year. I’m a big data nerd and it makes my heart happy to track random things.

2. While I rate fanfic in my tracker, I only rate things 3-5. If I read it, it was at least a 3. I also rate traditionally published books this way. It has to be at least average if I finished it. I do not rate fanfic on any other websites or through my collections or any of those things. Fandom is free and the rating system is more for me to keep track of things I might want to reread in the future or that I was really moved by than anything else.

3. I still think about a song fic that I haven’t been able to find again. It was based off a song by Rilo Kiley and every time I hear that song I think about the fanfic.

Real Life Job: Event Planning

Published Fics: 0, but I have many half written drafts of things.

Some Favorite Tropes/Tags: War AU, BAMF Hermione/Draco, Burn the World for Hermione, Pining, Hurt/Comfort, Marriage Law, Marriage of Convenience, Theo Nott is A Menace

10 Favorite Fics this Year in no Particular Order:

1. Bloody, Slutty, and Pathetic

2. Green Light

3. Measure of a Man (I followed this as a WIP and then fell off reading and finally went back and read all of it. I wish I had saved the original version before it was edited though).

4. Amina Gemella (my first ever Harry/Blaise and a companion to The Fear of Letting Go which is a Dramione. It’s just so dang good).

5. EXIT and REBEL (I want to go back and tandem read these so badly)

6. These Ties that Bind

7. Of Sun Swords and Worms (listen this is a WIP but I can already tell it’ll be a favorite. It is so heart aching and well written).

8. Crimson and Clover

9. Stop All the Clocks (This Is the Last Time I'm Leaving Without You)

10. an ever-fixed mark

I would love to learn more about all of you! What do you like to read? What’s your favorite fic? What are your favorite tropes? Do you have a fic tracker? If so, do you want to compare?

[fics-not-tragedies]

Redemption: Chapter Seven

one - two - three - four - five - six - seven

Yup, I'm on a roll, you can probably see it now 😋

Words: 2648; Warnings: not much except for some angsty bits and talk about pregnancy loss; Summary: John and Isobel finally talk about their true feelings and their past.

Readers tag list:

@geostarr​; @catsmieow​; @wickedlangdon​; @bodhi-black​; @bugalouie-blog​; @onebatch–twobatch​; @fandom-lover-4​; @mikaneonox​; @spadesandaces2342​; @harrisongslimited​; @hhighkey​; @i-cant-remember-my-old-login​; @sgt-morgan​; @coloursunlimited​; @childrenofthegun​; @weminiaturestrawberry​; @silverlambcaptain​;  @krazycags01​;

@moonlit-raven-haven​​; @girl-at-the-verge​​; @boopdedoop​​; @jardani-jovonovich-bitch​​; @ladyreapermc​; @mysticfluffyness​​; @zombiepandajfish​​; @kollover24​​; @greenmanalishi​; @persephonehemingway​​; @penwieldingdreamer​​; @iworshipkeanureeves​; @lovelycarose​​;

@allanawinchester​​; @babayagakeanu​​; @keandrews​; @tomorrowsanotherday​​; @weasleytwins-41​​; @witty-wallflower​​; @babayagakeanu​ @7kacey11​​;

Isobel sat at the bar, her fingers tracing the rim of her glass absently, the weight of her decision settling heavily in her chest. The shadows in the room seemed to stretch longer as the minutes ticked by. The door had barely shut behind the Bowery King when she turned to face John, who stood by the window, his back to her, his silhouette framed by the faint glow of the city lights.

Her heart was a storm of emotions—fear, doubt, determination—crashing inside her chest. She had been running for so long, but now, she could no longer pretend that she could walk away from this, not when it came to him.

She had always known this day would come—the moment when the ghosts of their past would drag them back into the darkness they had tried to escape. The moment when her loyalty to him would collide with the unforgiving world of crime and power.

But what could she do? She wasn’t the same woman who had left years ago. She had seen too much, lost too much, to turn her back on him now.

Finally, Isobel stood up, her feet moving slowly but decisively toward him. The air between them was thick, laden with unspoken words, memories, and regrets. She watched the way his muscles tensed when she approached, as if ready for something, anything, to happen.

She stopped just a few steps away from him. The space between them felt vast, but she crossed it anyway.

"John," she began softly, her voice steady despite the chaos swirling inside her. "I’m not letting you do this alone."

His head snapped to the side, his eyes dark and unreadable, studying her as though he couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. There was a flicker of surprise, maybe even disbelief, before his expression hardened again. He took a step toward her, his hands folding into fists at his sides.

"You don’t have to," he said, his voice low and dangerous. "This isn’t your fight. It never was."

Isobel’s lips pressed into a tight line as she shook her head, her gaze unwavering. "It is now. I can’t watch you go down this path again, not without me. I’ll deal with the Russians with you." She let the words hang in the air, letting them settle between them like a promise.

John’s eyes narrowed, a war of emotions flickering across his face. There was a moment where she thought he might argue, but instead, he seemed to sigh, the fight leaving his posture. He moved closer to her, standing so close that she could feel the heat of his body, could hear the rapid beating of his heart.

"You’re too stubborn for your own good," he muttered, his voice thick with something she couldn’t quite place.

"I’m not going to sit back and let you face this alone," she repeated, her voice firmer this time. "I know this world, John. I’ve lived it. And you know damn well that you’ll need me."

There was a long silence between them, the kind that filled every corner of the room with tension. John looked at her, really looked at her, and for a moment, she could see the conflict in his eyes—the hesitation. She knew he didn’t want to drag her into this mess, but she could see the weight of the decision that loomed over him.

After what felt like an eternity, he spoke, his voice soft but filled with resolve. "I don’t want to bring you back into this life. It’s too dangerous, Isobel."

She didn’t flinch, didn’t step back. "I know the risks. But this isn’t about you and me, not anymore. This is about stopping them, before they burn everything to the ground." Her voice cracked slightly, but she held her ground. "We owe it to ourselves, and to everyone else, to finish what we started."

John looked down for a moment, his face hidden in shadow, and Isobel could feel the weight of his decision hanging in the air. Finally, he nodded, once, sharply.

"Alright," he said quietly, his voice heavy with acceptance. "We’ll do this together."

Before she could react, there was a loud crash from the back of the bar. Isobel whirled around, her hand instinctively reaching for the gun hidden beneath her coat. But it wasn’t a threat—at least not yet.

Sybil stormed into the room, her eyes blazing with fury. The door slammed behind her, and she stood there, chest heaving, her face a mask of disbelief and rage.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Sybil spat, her voice cold and sharp. “The Russians? You two are planning to get involved with them?” Her words were laced with disbelief.

Isobel tried to move toward her, to explain, but Sybil cut her off before she could say a word.

“You don’t get it, do you?” Sybil continued, her hands trembling at her sides. “This isn’t just about you and John. This is about the community—the one that we’ve worked so hard to protect. The Russians… they don’t play by the rules. And if you’re going to cross them, you’re making us all vulnerable. You’re making us a target for The High Table.” She shook her head, her eyes wide with anger and confusion. “This is insane!”

John stepped forward, his face hardening as he faced Sybil. "We don’t have a choice, Sybil. This has gone too far. They’re already targeting us. If we don’t act, we’ll all be buried under the rubble."

Sybil’s lips curled into a sneer. "You’re a fool, Wick. You don’t understand what you’re getting into. The High Table doesn’t forgive. If you make the wrong move, we won’t just be fighting the Russians—we’ll be fighting the most powerful people in this world. Do you think The High Table will just sit back and let you cross them without retaliation?"

Isobel could feel the weight of Sybil’s words sinking in, the reality of their situation hitting her like a wave. She had always known that their world was dangerous, but Sybil’s words painted a darker picture—one where there was no room for error, no room for mistakes.

"Maybe we don’t have a choice," Isobel said quietly, her voice trembling with uncertainty. "Maybe there’s no turning back from this."

The words hung in the air, thick with the weight of the decision they were about to make. She had always known this moment would come—the moment where the past and the future collided, where loyalties would be tested, and consequences would be faced. But now that it was here, she could feel the crushing reality of it all. There was no going back, no walking away. The world they had entered wasn’t one that offered second chances.

Sybil’s gaze shot to her, burning with anger and disbelief. “You don’t understand what you’re saying,” she spat. “If you go down this road, if you get involved with the Russians—if you destroy everything we’ve built—you’re not just risking your lives, you’re risking the entire community. The order will collapse. The High Table will see us as a threat. And you, John..." Her voice dropped low, laced with venom, "You’ll be marking us for death."

Isobel could feel the fury and fear in Sybil’s words, but there was nothing to say in response. She had heard it all before, the warnings, the threats. But in her heart, she knew there was no other choice. If they didn’t act now, everything they had worked for would be lost, swallowed by the chaos that was already beginning to engulf them.

John didn’t say anything for a moment. He stood there, his back straight, his face carved from stone. His eyes flickered between Isobel and Sybil, but there was no hesitation, no sign of doubt. Just cold resolve. Finally, he spoke, his voice low and controlled.

“I don’t have time to worry about that,” he said, his words carrying a weight of finality. “I can’t afford to play it safe anymore. This isn’t about the community, or the order, or even the High Table. This is about survival. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep us alive. If that means crossing the Russians, then so be it.”

Isobel’s heart sank as she watched the door swing open again, Sybil storming out of the room with an expression of betrayal etched on her face. The harsh slam of the door echoed through the space, a punctuation mark on the fractured silence that followed.

The air in the room felt suddenly too thick, too suffocating. The weight of their words, their decisions, seemed to settle on Isobel’s chest, pressing down with a force that left her breathless. She had always known that this path would be dangerous, but hearing it laid out so plainly by John—so final, so unyielding—sent a cold shiver down her spine.

John didn’t move at first, his gaze still fixed on the door that Sybil had exited through. But his focus shifted back to Isobel as the seconds ticked by in the silence. There was an unreadable expression on his face, a storm of thoughts and emotions that he kept locked away. And then, without warning, he turned to her, his eyes softening just slightly, the hardness in his posture giving way to something more vulnerable.

Isobel felt her heart race, the familiar knot in her stomach growing tighter. She opened her mouth to speak, but the words were caught in her throat. She had carried this secret for far too long, the weight of it pressing down on her chest like a vice. Every time she saw John, every time they were together, the truth felt like it was strangling her from the inside out. She had hidden it so carefully, buried it so deep that she had almost convinced herself it didn’t matter anymore. But now, with everything falling apart, there was no more room for silence. No more space for lies.

Her breath hitched, and she finally met his gaze, her voice barely a whisper. “There’s something you don’t know. Something I’ve been hiding from you.”

John’s expression shifted slightly, the lines on his face softening, but his eyes narrowed with concern. His jaw clenched, and for a split second, the air between them seemed to crackle with tension.

"Isobel..." he murmured, his voice steady, yet laced with a trace of apprehension. “What is it?”

Her heart thudded painfully in her chest. She should have told him sooner, back when they were still untangled in love and hope, back before the weight of everything had crushed them. But she was afraid. Afraid of what the truth would do to him. To them. She had never wanted to hurt him, never wanted him to feel like he had failed her. But the secret was too heavy to carry alone any longer.

Her hands trembled slightly as she took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. “I... I was pregnant, John,” she said, the words coming out in a rush, as if saying it quickly would somehow make it easier. “With your child.”

John’s eyes widened for a brief moment, but his face remained still, emotionlessly carved. He looked at her as if he hadn’t heard her properly, as if the words had only just registered in his mind. A heartbeat of silence passed between them, and she could see him processing, weighing her words, the shock creeping over him.

She swallowed, trying to steady her voice, but it cracked. "But I lost the baby, John." The words stung as they left her lips. Even now, years later, the pain of it felt as raw as the day it had happened. She felt the room close in around her, the walls pressing against her as if everything was suffocating her.

She hadn’t just lost a child; she had lost a piece of herself. And she had hidden it from him, buried it deep because she thought it would be easier that way. She hadn’t wanted him to see the rawness, the vulnerability that came with such a loss. She hadn’t wanted to shatter whatever fragile bond they still had.

“I—” She paused, her breath hitching again as the flood of emotions she’d locked away for so long surged to the surface. “I couldn’t tell you. Not then. Not when everything was already falling apart.”

John’s hand instinctively reached for hers, his fingers brushing over her trembling ones. His grip was firm but gentle, as if trying to anchor her in this sea of emotion that was threatening to swallow her whole. He didn’t speak right away, his expression unreadable. Instead, he studied her closely, his eyes searching hers for something—answers, perhaps, or maybe some sign of the woman he had known.

“Isobel…” His voice was soft now, a whisper laced with disbelief, with pain. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Her heart broke all over again at the question. She had wanted to tell him, wanted to share the loss, but she was terrified of what it might do to him, of how he might react. There had been so much hurt between them already. The betrayal, the separation. And now, with everything else looming, how could she add this to it? How could she tell him she had kept something so monumental from him, when all he’d ever wanted was to be by her side?

“I thought…” she whispered, her voice shaky, “…I thought you wouldn’t be able to handle it. We were already drifting apart. You were so focused on everything else—the contracts, the business, the chaos. I didn’t want to be a burden to you. I didn’t want to cause you more pain.”

Her throat tightened, the words barely escaping as the weight of everything she had carried finally crashed down on her. She had buried herself in the lie that she was protecting him. But the truth was, she had been protecting herself, too. Afraid of the pain it would bring, afraid of losing him forever.

John’s grip tightened around her hand, and he exhaled slowly, like he had been holding his breath this entire time. “Isobel…” His voice was hoarse now, the emotion thick in his tone. “You were never a burden. And I… I would’ve been there. I would’ve fought for you. For us.”

Tears welled in her eyes, threatening to spill over. She couldn’t look at him now, not when she knew how deeply she had hurt him, how deeply she had failed him by keeping this secret. She had kept so much from him, even after everything they had shared.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice breaking. “I should’ve told you. I should’ve trusted you. But I was so scared, John. So scared of losing you, of losing everything.”

He didn’t say anything for a long moment. He just pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly against him, his hand stroking her hair, as though trying to calm the storm that had taken over her heart. His touch was warm, steady—like he was trying to put the broken pieces of her back together, even as she fell apart in his arms.

“I’m here now,” he murmured into her hair. “And we’re going to figure this out. Together.”

But even as he held her, she couldn’t shake the feeling that this wasn’t over. There was still so much more to face. The past wasn’t something that could be easily fixed or forgotten, and the weight of what they had both lost—what she had kept from him—was far from healed.

And with the Russians looming on the horizon, with everything falling apart around them, she knew that this moment, this fragile sense of connection, would soon be tested in ways neither of them could ever imagine.

But for now, in his arms, at least for this brief moment, they had each other.

And that was all that mattered.

[pipermca]

I am accepting @altraviolet's challenge (from the post here) for the fic writer questionnaire. This looks like fun! *cracks knuckles*

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

90

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,133,042 (holy shit)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I mostly write for Transformers these days. I do have a little short story cooking for Centaurworld; maybe I'll get that jotted down some day.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I can definitely see how writing for a popular ship will skew your stats on your fics, and smut gives bonus points. 😅

Frag the Police. Jazz/Prowl, NSFW

Claim Rejected. MegOP, SFW

Peer Review. Starscream/Wheeljack, NSFW

Anamnesis. Jazz/Prowl, SFWish (has plug-n-play interfacing)

Public Indecency. Jazz/Prowl, NSFW

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! I love comments and I want to pass on that appreciation. 💗

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmm. Even my darker stories usually have a bit of light in the end, since I am a sucker for happy (if possibly bittersweet) endings. But the story Atrocity (please mind the tags on that one) leaves Bluestreak in a bad place at the end, and nothing is really resolved.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I have lots of fics with really happy endings! But in terms of having no hanging ends, I think The Renegade and the Hound might be the happiest. 🤗 The last chapter of that fic is all warm fuzzies for the characters.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet. 😄 I've gotten some vaguely critical comments sometimes but I wouldn't call that hate.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Ooooh yeah. I write it all. I'll even write the weird stuff there's no terms for. Give me that weird-ass smut.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I tend to write fusions rather than traditional crossovers, but the weirdest one was very recent: The Spark and the Lightning, which is the War for Cybertron game crossed/fused with Dune.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I am aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! The fic Becoming has been translated into Russian.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Sort of? A friend and I tossed little bits of a story back and forth several years ago, each of us building on what the other had just written. I have the bits all collected, but I'm not sure if it'll ever see the light of day.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Bluestreak/Hound. 💗

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

It's in the Alt Modes and Alchemy AU. Basically it's the events of the climax of The Renegade and the Hound and a period immedately afterwards, but from Perceptor's POV. It's written as a half diary/half academic paper. The title is:

On the Restoration of Cybertron: An Analysis and Personal Account, or A Treatise on the Effects of the Destruction of the Matrix of Leadership on Cybertron and its Inhabitants from an Alchemical Perspective, and a Personal Account of said Event as Recalled by Perceptor of Iacon, Head Alchemist of Optimus Prime.

It's hella fun, and I'd love to finish it, but it keeps moving out of my "currently working on" stack into the "shelved" stack. :/

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm good at worldbuilding and writing those juicy emotional scenes.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Finishing stuff. 😅 But seriously, I have a tendency to go back and rework stuff I've written (but not yet posted) instead of working forward on getting more words down. I love editing too much I think. >.<

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

It's fine? It should be clear to the reader what the dialogue says without them having to Google Translate it. Anything that stops a reader and takes them out of the flow of the story is a Bad Thing imo.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Hahaha! I think the first actual fanfic I wrote was in the Time Quintet series (specifically after reading A Swiftly Tilting Planet) by Madeleine L'Engle. I think I was about 8 or 9.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Hmm. My favourite long fic is Mind, Body, and Soul (which was long and self-indulgent and I said everything I wanted to say about the Big Themes of the story). My favourite short fic is probably Datastream, mostly because I dipped into Cybertronian brains and weird sci-fi elements, mixed with formatting to help tell the story. :)

That was fun! Consider yourself tagged if you want to play along.

[27emailsicantsend]

Season 4 Thoughts

To My Followers

This rest of this debrief will be wordy and I wanted to make sure I got what I felt was the most important part of this posted here first, before I move onto my thoughts of season 4. In case you read nothing else, I hope you read this: Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this amazing ride we have went on the past four years. Especially thank you to the 2019 Rina’s, who saw our little crack ship and believed in it’s potential every step of the way. I am floored by the amazing community I feel we have built on my page.

Something I haven’t shared about on here is I have dealt with some pretty bad on and off depression since 2019. I’ve had a hard time maintaining friends due to natural circumstances that have come with just being an adult. When I got lonely, I was always able to turn to Tumblr and answer a new ask or read a positive comment. I remember one time one of my posts on Tumblr got semi-big on Twitter and it was during one of my darkest depression phases. It truly made me feel like I had something… special to offer when I felt like I was nothing. I’ve been on Tumblr for a long time, but the HSMTMTS fandom truly changed my life. I am not only mourning a show that brought me comfort and felt like the friendships I was craving, but also the community we have built.

If nothing else comes of the show (no movie, spin-off, etc.) I just want you all to know from the bottom of my heart, I genuinely appreciate you. You were my light in my darkest tunnels and I will never be able to thank you enough for that. I don’t plan on leaving Tumblr, not even close and I am sure I will have a lot more to say as I rewatch the season, but I know some of you might be gone after this. So, whether you stay or you leave, please know you have “changed my life for the better, I have been changed for good”.

*

*

*

Now who is ready for my season 4 thoughts?

Instead of going episode by episode, I figured it would be easier to talk about the season in general themes. Overall, I loved this season. It is my favorite season, which I knew would be so hard to beat s3 but this one did. I cried, laughed, cried, sang along in my head, and cried some more. Tim and the cast truly outdid themselves this season and I don’t think I have ever seen a better final season to a show. Ever. Honestly, I hesitate rewatching the season because of how much it impacted me the first time and I know it won’t feel the same the second time around, but that just means it did what it needed to do. If anyone on the show is seeing this, please know that I appreciate everything you’ve done!

Music

The music this season was incredible. I know a lot of people didn’t like season 3’s soundtrack, but honestly, I did. But I really feel like this season outshined in a lot of ways musically. Stripping down to raw vocals made the scenes feel much more emotional and connected. And the changes and tracking to the songs we already knew made them feel fresh again. The original songs were all crafted carefully to give meaning and purpose to the scenes and characters, making each one feel like a progressive step in the episode, rather than just filler. The music was always an important part to this show, but this season it really felt the most intentional. I don’t have enough good things to say about it.

I’m having a hard time picking a favorite because they were all so meaningful in their own ways, but if I had to pick one (for now), I would probably say “Maybe this Time” is my favorite. Watching Ricky and Gina talk about how they feel like this time around their relationship is different from their other relationships- and before with each other- really encompasses everything Tim was trying to portray with the ship. They had to go through their ups and downs, had to see other relationships, in order to give and appreciate each other’s authentic love. Not only this, but the proof was in the pudding with Ricky’s feelings. Watching each iconic Rina scene as they sang about feeling like their relationship with each other is different than others, shows that those moments were reciprocated feelings between the two of them. And while I never had a doubt Ricky had feelings since the beginning, this really solidified the idea for even the most casual of viewers.

Cinematography

I had to pause myself several times and remember I was watching a tv show and not a movie because the budget was budgeting! I am amazed at the detail and stylistic choices the show chose depending on what we were watching. From the opening scene literally feeling like I was watching HSM again, to certain scenes making me feel like I was back to previous seasons, to other scenes where the lens would change depending on if we were watching HSM4 being filmed directly or through the directors chair. It was creative and stylistic, using different camera techniques like the steady camera or being shot more like a music video for the Halloween song. In the most meta way, you could literally see the enhancements to the shots with coloring and lighting, making this season feel like the same upgrade HSM3 was from HSM2. I am just so, beyond impressed.

Humor

Oh my gosh, this season did not miss with the jokes and facial expressions! I will say, I think season 3 did have me laughing a little more frequently, whereas this season had me crying a lot more, but it doesn’t mean it wasn’t funny. They weren’t kidding saying it was “pg-13”, because I was really surprised with some of the jokes they put into this season (like the one between Ricky and his dad episode 1 or the amount of bleeped swear words). Emmy had the most heinous lines, so you never quite knew what to expect with her. I loved seeing Ricky make his “Jim Halpert eyes” at the camera or Ricky and Jet tease each other about their girls. I think one or two more jokes would have bode well within this season, but I am also very happy with what we got!

Friendships

EJ and Ricky- this was probably one of the more shocking things to happen in the season. I knew from stills we were going to get something with EJ and Ricky, but I remember when they were first dropped I was very confused about why they were together. There are a lot of things EJ has done wrong and a lot of things he’s done right, but I really think his relationship with Ricky was redeemed after episode five. I was so impressed by his monologue at the end of their time together and the raw emotion Ricky had to hearing the things EJ was saying. Ricky needed to know that it was on him to change, even if he couldn’t change the outcome, he could change his view. I loved knowing that EJ had moved on and even if it was hard, he still supported rina at the end of the day. I think this gave Ricky some relief too. And then watching Ricky call on EJ a couple more times when he was stressed and have that parallel scene of throwing the basketball back and forth… it was just a very satisfying ending for them that I didn’t know needed to happen until it did. (Also their song?? Was so good??? It was really nice to hear EJ sing something serious and his vocals worked well with Ricky’s).

Gina and Mack- I really thought I was going to hate Mack and the first couple of episodes set him up to look that way too. But then he shows up in the trailer asking to pretend to date Gina and for some reason that scene I knew he wasn’t harmful? I know that might sound backwards but it came across really… friendly? Ricky’s worries were more comedic than an actual threat to their relationship which I appreciated. Tim really meant it when he said no more love triangles for them… because it was never actually a triangle. Mack and Gina didn’t actually have those romantic feelings for each other. Mack grew on me throughout the season and watching him drop out after his conversation with Ricky really shed a light on his character. I just wish Ricky would have replaced Mack as Romeo… and kind of shocked he didn’t?

Kourtney and Gina- If there is one thing I was certain on and was completely wrong about, it was these two. I genuinely thought Kourtney’s “diva-ness” was going to mimmick Sharpay’s because Sharpay was jealous of Gabriella and tried to take her role HSM3. The doc set up Kourtney and Gina to look like they hated each other and I really thought things were going to get messy between them. Honestly… that was the only thing from the doc that wasn’t mentioned, so I kind of wonder if Tim had plans for it but dropped it in the end? Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy they stayed close this season; I’m just confused, is all.

Ricky and Nini- Another name I did not expect to hear at all this season, but in the context it happened in, I’m glad I did. I think Nini giving Ricky that lotto ticket helped to heal any remaining wounds from their break up and show they would always still be friends. And while we never saw them as friends in the show, I feel like with their set up as a couple s1 they really were good friends, but dating kind of wrecked it for them. Knowing she sent those opening night cards again (a fun tradition I’m glad they kept even with her off the show), was a sweet nod that they were ok again.

Gina and EJ- Much like Nini and Ricky, I was shocked to see these two interact again and the context they did. I love Gina Porter and would defend her in court, no questions asked, but it was really interesting watching her recognize maybe a little of the hypocrisy of her keeping that secret from Ricky, which was the whole reason she got mad at EJ. I think having her go through the same thing in her relationship, helped her to recognize why it was so hard for EJ to bring it up. However, Gina seemed to try a lot harder to say it to Ricky in a short time period after finding out about the offer, whereas EJ kind of seemed like he was going to put it off as long as he could s3- that’s the difference between them. I really did love EJ and Gina as friends and you can find other posts of me saying this- and with him being friends with Ricky now too- I think there was something really healing for all of them in Gina and EJ’s conversation. I also found Ricky’s reaction to knowing Gina confided in EJ first interesting because I genuinely thought he was going to get really angry, but instead EJ pushed Ricky to go fight for Gina. It was a nice conclusion for all of them.

Miss Jenn and Emmy/Carlos- At first I was going to be really sad they cut Carlos out from being a helped with Miss Jenn, but I loved the role Emmy played with her. Emmy was obviously looking for a place where she felt wanted/needed, especially after getting kicked off the movie, so seeing her feel that by assisting Miss Jenn was sweet. I also loved that Carlos was still connected to Miss Jenn but in very different ways. They seemed more like friends and it made me think a lot about what their relationship would look like after Carlos graduated. Knowing Miss Jenn helped Carlos when he was first getting bullied was a very touching twist to their arc… in fact, that entire episode (4x06) is making me rethink everything that has happened since the beginning of the series. Just when I thought I was done finding new things, Tim has managed to make it so I can go back and rewatch and probably find MORE new things. That is what real writing looks like and it can’t be mimicked.

Family

Ricky- Watching Ricky say “I Love You” to every person he considered family was such a touching storyline. Ricky’s whole premise from season one was about how he felt isolated from those who cared about him and how he struggled to say how he feels. We watch Ricky slowly overcome this as he tells those he loves that he loves them over and over, while simultaneously wrapping several of their storylines with him. It was his way of thanking them and saying good bye and I couldn’t think of a better way for Ricky to demonstrate who has become family to him.

Gina and Terri- “Don’t get me started” is the only way I can start this, ironically. I have nasty words for this woman. I am so proud of Ricky and Gina standing up to her, pointing out how malicious she was all season. How she couldn’t be bothered to even spend two seconds with things that were important to Gina, but could easily make Gina be everything Terri wanted her to be. I knew in the Thanksgiving episode something was off about Gina’s mom. Of course, we had a couple pieces of the puzzle like Gina talking about how her mom pushes her too hard in other episodes, but specifically during this episode I got weird vibes from Terri and couldn’t quite put my finger on it. This season answered it for me. When Gina called to tell her mom about how she won the “Choosical”, it was something so small but so important to her, her mom immediately made Gina take her off speaker and then dropped that bomb while Gina was out with her friends. Like Terri couldn’t have waited until she got home? It’s very obvious that Terri’s needs are above all else and it makes Gina feel like she has to cater to her mom’s every whim. I have always said I felt a really close tie to Gina and without going into too much detail, her home life molding who she has become, makes a lot of sense why I feel so much like her. So yes, I do take Terri a bit personally.

Ricky and his parents- I have seen a lot of mixed opinions on Mike and Lynne getting back together and I get why. Honestly, I really liked Mike and Jenn. I liked the idea of Miss Jenn being the mother figure Ricky didn’t really have and literally stepping into that role. They seemed good and happy, but I get why she chose Mozzarella Stick after this season. Miss Jenn does seem a bit happier with him so I’ll let it slide. But with Mike and Lynne, it’s kind of got two sides for me. On one hand, maybe it was good for Ricky to see his parents get back together. He got this second chance and being Troy and seeing them happy in the audience was all he wanted, so it came full circle. It also proves more of the love Ricky has for Gina, because his parents represented Nini and him. He could have easily saw them get back together and thought “man if they can, I can get back with Nini too!” But he was so far removed from Nini because of his relationship for Gina, he could see that and not have it shake him back to S1 Ricky. On the other hand, it also defeats Lynne’s whole conversation that led Gina to Ricky. Because Mike and she paralleled R*ni, seeing her give Ricky permission to let Nini go (“sometimes two people aren’t always meant to be”), but then come back to Mike, makes it kind of be like “well, what was the point of that conversation because we were proving that Ricky could be more without her?” I guess you could maybe even argue that his parents reflected he and Gina instead, falling apart but then getting back together because of unresolved feelings. I’m not sure… I’d be curious to see what everyone else thinks about this.

EJ and his dad (+Kourtney and her mom)- I was happy to see EJ finally separate himself from his dad. Even though EJ was struggling financially, he was happier figuring it out on his own. This show really embodied a lot of different parent/child dynamics and I think it gives kids permission to stand up to their parents, even when it’s scary. To do what is best for you, even if your parents disagree. I think maybe EJ’s arc could have been explored a bit more and I would have loved to see more on him and Val (which I totally called it btw), but I feel like that would have been reserved for s5, had we gotten one. In the same breath, it was nice seeing Kourtney have such a good relationship with her mom as a juxtaposition to EJ and his dad this episode. She had a parent who wanted her to explore her options for college and supported her unconditionally. It showed what a good parent is like too. I really enjoyed those two storylines flipping back and forth in episode 5.

Jet and Maddox- it was so good to see their relationship healed this season. To watch them encourage each other in their roles and dreams (like Jet wanting to possibly go with her to New Zealand) was such a massive contrast from last season. You could tell a couple of times they were still working a little through the kinks, but it really seemed like they had found their rhythm again as siblings. I also have to give a huge shout out to the Halloween episode for Jet getting to help Maddox reclaim her scary story that he had “ruined” in s3. It was like the last unresolved thing for them and it was such a sweet callback for them to do again.

Relationships

Carlos and Seb- Man I don’t know how to feel about them this season. Rina’s predicted the cheating from a mile away and with Red, but even watching it on screen seemed so out of character for both of them? And the angry phase seemed to last several episodes more than the “make up” phase which was a bit frustrating. I love Seblos, but this was such an interesting plot to go down, especially with Seb accusing Carlos of cheating the whole time. And it wasn’t like that insecurity was because Seb was the cheater the whole time? It only happened once. I don’t know, I think they could have made it so Seblos fought over something else or if they had to go down the cheating storyline, showed Seb getting more and more feelings for Red through the seasons. Then when he got insecure, it makes sense because he was projecting. Then we could have had a whole arc about Seb’s insecurities.

I also had a hard time with the Seb not coming out storyline and that’s why they couldn’t travel? It just seemed like such a random “we need a C-plot” storyline for the last two episodes? I think there are better ways this relationship could have been executed this season, but I am happy to see them still as endgame.

Seb and Natalie- *blinks profusely*

Ashlyn, Maddox, Big Red, Antoine- I’ve mentioned this several times on here, I was really happy with Ashlyn being with Red or Maddox. She seemed happy with both, but I think with an entire season of Red missing, it did help to create some of that separation so the break up didn’t seem so abrupt between Ashlyn and him. I absolutely died seeing him get with Antoine though. That was the exact plot twist I needed!

I appreciated Madlyn getting together in the end because I think there was a natural progression of feelings we were able to see since S3. Maddox needed a way to move on from Madison and Ashlyn was able to figure out her sexuality through Val, but place herself in the right heart through Maddox. I think Julia had talked about how good it was for kids to see queer storylines that are positive and cute, rather than how they might get portrayed otherwise. That being queer was just… accepted for Ashlyn. If we do see gay storylines on TV, it still tends to lean toward MLM, so it was a breath of fresh air seeing a WLW on a teen show like this. I have female friends who are queer that I could see really resonating with a storyline like this.

Jet and Kourtney- This relationship is the prime example of the show runner being mostly positive the show was getting cancelled, but holding out hope for more. I think if he knew for sure when they were filming, we probably would have seen a Jetney kiss or something a little more… solid between them? They were really cute and I loved seeing Jet get flustered every time he was around her (especially when he would be acting normal 3 seconds earlier), but their romance fell just a teeny bit flat for me this season and I think it’s because Tim was trying to leave the door open for more. I think they were supposed to be more of a “slow burn”, so we got that comment from Gina about Jet asking her out, but then nothing else really happened from there. If we get a spin-off (and I PRAY we get a rina one), I would hope to see more between Jet and Kourt (imagine one with them being the core four!).

Ricky and Gina- I don’t even know how I am going to write this without crying. These two hold such a special place in my heart and watching them finally succeed was everything I could have asked for and more. We got everything with them: duets, Ricky saying “I love you” first, flashbacks, a rain kiss, “Can I Have This Dance”, spin hug, secret dating and more. Val was right when she said that they were the “love each other needed”. From the beginning, we watched Gina feel isolated from East High. She had no friends, a bad family life, and apparently had gotten in a lot of trouble in her previous schools. With Ricky, we saw him navigating this need to be loved so desperately, he ended up pushing those he cared about away even further. If he felt like a mistake or a failure to them, he hid because how could he be anything else but happy around them? He believed the sad parts of him made him unlovable, and that’s where Gina proved him wrong. When everyone else reminded him that he wasn’t wanted at the first show, he never showed up as a good student, he was “in the way”… Gina reminded him he did belong. She reminded him that he had good things to offer, even if it was as simple as just listening to him play a song.

And Ricky did the same for Gina. She was completely isolated and felt like it wasn’t worth getting close to people because she might have to “move again”. She felt like her only business was causing problems and being the number one competition. But Ricky stepped in as a friend, showing her that someone cared enough about her to just ask why she was causing trouble in the first place- and not to get her in trouble, but to let her know someone saw something soft beneath the surface and that he just wanted to pull that side of her out. “Why are you making it your business?” “You’re not that scary”. And he did.

Both of these characters shifted after their first conversation at the dance. They both continued to grow and adapt together, even when they were a part. I loved the flashback in 4x06, as well as the tag in the hat, because it proves that the stars were always aligned in their favor. It was a good lesson to us as the audience that even when all seems lost, there might be better things in the future. “Sometimes the really good stuff begins only when something else ends”. And to enjoy what we have now because it might be a part of the best part of our life. “It’s about the journey, not the destination”.

Time and time again, Rina proved that they were made for each other this season and that they improved each other in the best ways. Ricky told Gina he remembered the things she said (someone who felt forgotten after moving so much) and that he always wants to hear what she has to say (after being pushed aside by EJ all summer). Gina rearranged her life to stay in Salt Lake, rather than making Ricky figure it out (she wasn’t going to leave him like everyone else and not because he told her to stay, but because she genuinely wanted to). She reminded Ricky of his value to her in her good bye speech (saying that he saw her like no one else did and saying that he was the hardest one to talk about, which probably made Ricky feel like a priority and not an after-thought). I have never seen a couple be such a complete and whole puzzle piece like these two.

They were destined to be together because they are each other’s best parts. Their love story is serendipitous.

Things Missing

As much as I loved this season, I felt like there were a lot of elements still missing that I hadn’t already mentioned and I would have loved to have seen fleshed out more. I wish we would have gotten more on Ashlyn’s and Carlos’ body image storylines. I think it’s important to have that representation on screen and the storylines seemed to end as quickly as they started. We also don’t know much about Emmy still. We know that this opportunity felt big for her and she was let down, but that was about all we got. I really, really banked on a chocolates confession and as much as I loved that rain kiss, I think it would have been perfect if Gina would have ran out saying, “you were the one who got me the chocolates” and THEN told Ricky about her mom. I get for the audience it works because now we have confirmation of Ricky getting her them (it’s literally the exact same design of bows), but it would have been nice to see Gina learn about it. I wish we would have seen more of Kourtney and Carlos being the “Ryan and Sharpay” with their need for wanting everything/sassiness- it just seemed to show up a little in the beginning of the series and then wasn’t revisited until the last episode. Lastly, the OG wildcats really still felt like they were missing from this season. I was convinced we were getting guest appearances from Zac, Vanessa, and Ashley, but I guess this is what you get for living in delulu land. And when Monique or Bart showed back up (or anyone else) later in the series I was just like, “oh yeah! They’re in this season”. I just wish they would have been shown a bit more throughout so I didn’t completely forget they were a part of the season (it kind of reminds me of S3 where halfway through I completely forgot Nini even had a storyline- it wasn’t until the last episode I remembered her being around).

The song placements were a bit off for me too. “Just Wanna Be with You” was completely missing and we didn’t get to watch “The Boys are Back” at all… I honestly felt really deprived! I think “The Boys are Back” would have made a great reacquainting song for Ricky and Jet, “Just Wanna Be with You” would have solidified not only rina endgame a bit more but they could have even had jetney sing it to show their endgame more. I don’t think the placement of “Scream” was bad by any means, but I think it might have been better around the time of Ricky visiting EJ because I believe that was when he was truly at his lowest this season. Things were kind of working out for Ricky a little more when he actually sang it, which doesn’t parallel Troy as much (Troy sang it at his absolute lowest of lows). And as much as I wanted to love “I Want it All”, there was something about either the instrumentals or the vocals that made the song not hit as hard for me as the movie. I think Kourtney and Carlos are absolute powerhouses and could have really knocked it out of the park, so I’m not sure what happened there.

Spin-Off

I desperately want a rina spin-off or even one with rina and jetney. I’ve seen some people want a Kourtney spin-off, but I’m not sure how much I would enjoy it because I’m so emotionally tied to Gina/rina. I think a rina college spin-off could be great with other characters coming in and out, as well as a whole new cast. I am sure Tim has more ideas up his sleeve and he could show us rina getting married at the end of the show. It could be about balancing this relationship and college, as well as all of the pressures that come with that. It could be about them figuring out their life together as adults (which would be amazing to see because there really aren’t enough shows based on your 20’s and most of the fan base for this show is in their 20’s!) It could be more mature and hit harder topics, but still in a way that fits the essence of the show we already know. If a spin-off is too much, I would even be happy with a movie. I just want to know what happens after high school for these characters and I really believe we could have gotten that in a season 5, had the show not gotten cancelled what feels to be… a little premature. Tim said he wanted this show to go on for a long time with multiple seasons and/or spin-offs, he has said that he has floated the idea of a rina: college spin-off around, and Josh and Sofia don’t seem to hate the idea. Of course, we’d have to wait on the strikes, but hopefully by the time they are done we’ll hear some news one way or another.

What’s Next?

So, Wildcats, what’s next for me? Well, I’ll still be here. I’ve had these character asks lingering in my inbox but I was gone all last week (literally from morning until night) so I just haven’t had a chance to do them. It might be kind of fun to finish them up now that I’ve seen season 4, but it also makes me sad because I didn’t wait for the other characters… so maybe I might keep the character asks for seasons 1-3 only to keep the playing field even.

Please keep sending me asks and discussion prompts. I love talking to all of you and just because the show is done (for now) doesn’t mean we can’t keep talking about it. I have a lot of drafts of other thoughts and theories etc. relating to the show that have come to mind and I never got a chance to post. But now I feel like I’ve got more time to post them, so be expecting to hear more from me on that front too.

I will also try to keep you guys updated if I hear anymore about spin-offs, movies, etc. and since this is technically a multi-fandom blog (just lately it’s been dedicated to HSMTMTS) you might see me post about some other shows too. If you have any recommendations, let me know.

Well, I guess it’s off to go rewatch the season… and probably a million more times after this. Thanks for everything you guys have given me so far and I pray our adventures will continue.

You’re not a maybe. You’re a yes.

[stellewriites]

twenty questions for fic writers 🫡

thanks for the tag @syoddeye!

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

50

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

699,806

3. what fandoms do you write for?

oh god, ongoing or previous too?? uhm currently batfam, star wars, cod, st - but i’ve had a few extra that i used to write for too

4. top five fics by kudos

i’m not linking them all bc some are,,,, far from my best work. also can u tell i love a long lyric title?

if you can’t give me all, give me nothing ; memorise the way you make me feel ; the way you move like you do ; i’m addicted to the way i feel when i think of you ; took the words right out of my mouth

5. do you respond to comments?

literally every single one,, before getting this account back a few months ago it was the only way i interacted w people in the fandoms so 🤷‍♀️ sometimes it might take a week tho but i try to be quick

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i don’t tend to do angst endings? like even in darker angsty fics i usually twist it so it’s like dubcon happy at the end 🥴🥴 sooo maybe either no grave can hold my body down or can i steal a kiss or two? or even choices made in anger

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

liiiiiterally any other fic i’ve ever written lmao

8. do you get hate on fics?

not often? BUT i usually do fluff fics and when i started dabbling in darker stuff that’s when i got more hate - specifically on one fic in particular

9. do you write smut?

yeah! not all the time but maybe 65%

10. craziest crossover:

i dont really do crossovers but my last mando fic was inspired by justified if that counts?

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of,, again im not very online to be able to know :/

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

yeah! just one but now i dont do it,, learning curve for me

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

almost when i was first starting out writing 6 years back but it fell through - katy if ur still out there i hope ur enjoying life <3

14. all time favorite ship?

ffffuckkkkkk i don’t think i can choose bc i dip in and out so often but i do tend to always come back to jaytim? they’re my for lifers i think but soap x reader is a close second atm

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i’ll always finish my wips bc i can’t stand to see them unfinished,, but it’s been like three years since i first said i was going to write my sci-fi dystopian jaytim fic and im still not past the first paragraph :/

16. what are your writing strengths?

i think i’m good at dialogue and catching accents and nailing personalities pretty quick,,

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

i’m so fucking slow. if nothing else, watching people write for cod on here has shown me how quick everyone else seems to be able to write :’)

and also with longer fics i’ve gotten into the (bad) habit of leaving out like integral details that i assume the reader will just know bc ive been too in my own head about it all and ive forgotten what i’ve established already; leads to decisions looking like they’ve come out of nowhere or random personality changes

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

i’ve attempted it but i have to google translate it so i try to keep it to a minimum and ask for correction in the comments. sometimes i do it italicised but written in english so readers can understand that it’s meant to be another language but dont have to skip to the bottom notes or another tab to understand what’s being said

19. first fandom you wrote in?

teen wolf 🥴

20. favorite fic you've written?

idk if i’ve got a favourite,, in hindsight a lot of the ones i think about most fondly are the ones that absolutely killed me off when writing so i’ve got real rose tinted glasses about them all. however these are few that should get honourable mentions just because i like them and they didn’t pop up earlier

whew this was long i think i yapped ontoo much lmao but it was so fun!!

no pressure tags: @glossysoap @mikichko @kyletogaz @femalefemur @sentientcave @gemmahale @madstronaut and anyone else who wants to give it a go!!

[icepixie]

20 questions for fic writers

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

158 (22 of these are fanvids)

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?

430,454

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Many. The top 5, per AO3, are Babylon 5, due South, Stargate SG-1, Farscape, and Northern Exposure. The most recent have been Strange New Worlds, China Beach, BBC Ghosts, Enterprise, and DS9. (Though to be fair, DS9 is an old fandom I started writing in again, and China Beach has been a mainstay since ~2014. Farscape...uhhh, oh, wow, I last published something for that in 2003.)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

I'm adjusting for the fact that the Agent Carter fics have by far the most kudos simply because it's the one large fandom I've written in. I'll count one of them and then go to the next-most-kudosed.

Necessary (Agent Carter; for once in her life, Peggy needs Jack for something)

Moves in the Field (The Cutting Edge; Yuletide fic where Doug and Kate visit Doug's brother and hometown)

Closing the Circuit (Enterprise; Baby Elizabeth lives and Trip and T'Pol spend their first night as parents)

Imperfect Recall (Strange New Worlds; Una and Chris recall his invitation to spend shore leave together 20 years ago very differently)

My Late Enchantments Still in Brilliant Colors Shine (Babylon 5; Susan Ivanova runs into a technomage)

5. Do you respond to comments?

98% of the time. Occasionally if it's a busy week they get away from me.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Either The Snow Maiden (Susan Ivanova childhood angst) or If Equal Affection Cannot Be (Marcus Cole, death and poetry) or Amo, Amas, I Love a Lass (more Marcus death and pining). Babylon 5 is the only fandom I've ever really gone angsty in.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Like...most of them? I'm not much for angst. I guess A Way to Walk on Water and Not Drown ended with the big theatrical happily ever after business...

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I feel like I got some sort of weird LJ comment once, but I barely remember it and it may have been more spam than anything.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nope.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Love me a good crossover. I don't write them often because doing them right requires a lot of thought, but they're very fun to do. I've written the most for due South, and the conceit of "Fraser and Thatcher come to New Burbage for Shakespeare-related reasons" has worked well for me. I also quite like the Wonderfalls/Fringe crossover I did back when Peter was missing...I felt like I had a cool idea I followed through on, and the canons meshed better than one might expect at first.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 

I vaguely recall someone asking permission to translate something into Russian once.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

When I was 13 or so, with a RL friend, we wrote several hamfistedly shippy DS9 and Voyager fics together over the (landline) phone.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

AO3 says it's Fraser/Thatcher (due South) with Ivanova/Garibaldi (B5) a very close second, which seems about right. I'm also extremely fond of Maggie/Joel (NX) and McMurphy/Richard (China Beach).

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I'd love to finish the "Ivanova and Garibaldi try to honeymoon on Earth and get swept into defying a political plot against the president" fic I started years ago, but it always seems to require more plot than I want to deal with.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue. I can't write it unless I can hear it in the character's voice in my head, and it seems to serve well for accurate characterization.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Plot. Plot plot plot plot plot. I just want to write characters vibing with each other, not have them do things!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I've done it a couple times. Most of it was Russian, for the skating RPF, and for that I just googled a lot and apologized for any errors in the notes. I think it adds some flavor, and unless you're doing something really specific you're probably framing it so someone with no knowledge of the language can get the gist, so even if you've gotten it wrong it doesn't matter that much.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

It was either DS9 or Voyager. I would say I deleted all the evidence, but alas, usenet is forever.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

The Future an Affirmation (China Beach; the AU where McMurphy and Richard get married and we follow them for the next 25 years. Except backwards, because I very much enjoyed writing it like that. I feel like I effectively packed all my thoughts and feelings about McMurphy into that fic and did justice to what she would have done and been had these circumstances played out.)

I have a lot of honorable mentions, but maybe the most honorable is Out of the Ashes, a Northern Exposure fic where Maggie resorts to staying with Joel after her mother burns her house down. I got a fair number of "this reads just like an episode" comments, which I was quite proud of.