#yep its the basic concept i know its been done before but here you go

[tokuvivor]

Duckverse June Week 5: Movie Day

Home stretch, baby!!! I sincerely apologize for how late this is, but here you go! I give you…

Movies I Missed on the Moon

It was an exceedingly rainy morning in Duckburg. Breakfast had just finished, and Huey, Dewey, and Louie were sitting at the bar, trying to figure out what to do.

“We could watch the rain outside,” suggested Louie.

“Nah,” responded Dewey. “I want to actually do something.”

“Well, the weather hasn’t given us many options, clearly,” reasoned Huey.

Just then, Della came in. “Hey, boys,” she greeted. “What are you guys still doing in here?”

“Oh, hey, Mom,” replied Dewey. “We’re trying to figure out what to do today, but we’re not getting anywhere.”

“Yeah, this weather sucks,” concurred Louie.

Della gasped. “Where did you hear that word?” she questioned.

“Mom, you literally say it all the time,” replied the green-clad triplet.

“Oh, yeah,” Della realized in a somewhat subdued tone. “Anyway,” she continued, clapping her hands together, “I think I have an idea of something the four of us can do together!”

“Oh?” asked Huey.

“Yep,” Della responded. She fished around in one of the pockets on her jacket, until she pulled out a tiny piece of paper. She unfolded it, revealing its true size, and showed it to the boys.

“What the-?” began Louie.

“‘Movies I Missed on the Moon’?” read Dewey.

“Wow,” finished Huey.

“Basically,” Della explained, “for all the catching-up I’ve done since I returned from the moon a couple years ago, there are still things I haven’t gotten around to yet, what with adventuring and flying and Woodchucking and all that good stuff. So, I decided to make a list of movies that came out while I was on the moon, and since the weather’s crappy today, I thought the four of us could do it together, as sort of a bonding activity.”

“I love that idea, Mom,” agreed Huey.

“Perfect!“ interjected Dewey.

“Alright, let’s do it,” finished Louie.

“Woo!” cheered Della. “We’ll need snacks, though. And some Pep. And we’ll need to decide what exactly we’re going to watch today.”

“Whoa, whoa, Mom!” Huey exclaimed, resting his hand on Della’s. “Take it easy. We can figure this out.”

“Sorry,” Della responded. “Just got a little too amped up there.”

“I know that feeling, Mom,” Dewey piped up.

“So what are we waiting for?” Della continued. “Let’s Dell-ve into this!”

‘Right, there’s still two of them,’ Louie thought, slightly annoyed.

Soon enough, the four ducks were gathered in the den. Della had put on some popcorn for her and her boys to share. Louie had procured some Pep. Dewey had found some assorted candy. And Huey had queued up their first movie of the day.

“Mental Max: Road of Rage!” Della exclaimed. “I love the whole dystopian future concept. I was obsessed with the first three movies as a teen, so I was super excited when I found out they made a fourth while I was gone.”

“They’re gonna release a fifth soon, too!” chirped Dewey.

“Isn’t five a bit excessive, though?” wondered Louie.

Della put on a thoughtful face. “Iiiiit…really depends, I’d say,” she replied. “Sequelitis exists, but there are certain factors that play into the success of the movie, like frequency, cast status, and how good the writing is.”

“Not wrong,” Huey offered. “Uncle Donald took us to see a throwback screening of The World Before Time, and it was great, but thirteen sequels? Now that I would call excessive.”

“Plus,” added Dewey, “most of the voices were provided by kids, so they’d inevitably grow out of the roles at some point. If they used adult actors for those, the voices would’ve been more consistent from movie to movie.”

“They’d have to know how to sound like kids, though,” Louie replied. “Or else it’d just sound weird, seeing a kid on screen, he opens his mouth, and it’s a 40-something dude.”

“Okay, yeah, yeah,” Della brushed off. “Now let’s watch this thing!”

“Whoa.”

That was all Della really had to initially say about the movie.

“That was so cool!” exclaimed Dewey. “It felt like one of our adventures.”

“For all that developmental hell it went through, I’d say it delivered,” Della continued, snapping out of her trance.

“How long had they been planning it?” Huey asked.

“Heck, at least since I was a teen,” admitted Della. “But a lot of outside stuff pushed it back.”

“Oh, god, like the original Max,” groaned Louie. “That guy’s a nutjob.”

“The new Max did a good job, though,” Dewey reasoned. “Okay, so what’s next, Mom?”

“Zombieland,” Della replied.

“Nice,” Louie approved. “I still can’t believe they got Bill Murray to play himself for that one.”

“I loved his ‘Take That’ moment towards Garfield,” added Dewey.

“Yeah, I remember that one. That was not his finest moment,” Della criticized.

“It’s an interesting premise,” admitted Huey. “Let’s get it rolling. Louie, could you please pass the Danish Shrimp?”

“That was so much fun!” exclaimed Della. “Yeah, a zombie apocalypse wouldn’t be an optimal world to live in, but I think we could pull that off. We all have adventure experience, I’m a good fighter, Huey has all his Woodchuck experience, Dewey’s savvy, and Louie, you could get your hands on a lot of supplies.”

“You’ve got a point, Mom,” Huey replied. “I think we’d fair well enough in a zombie apocalypse, but you know who’d be really good in an apocalyptic situation? The girls.”

“Ooh, you’re right,” Dewey agreed. “They already throw themselves into crazy situations at least on a weekly basis, so they’d own it.”

“I’ve honestly lost count of how many different weapons Webby has in her possession,” Louie added.

“However many it is, I’d like to bet I’ve got more!” Della challenged.

“I’ll pass that along to Webby,” Huey replied dryly. “Anyway, what’s next?”

Della’s eyes went wide. “That,” she said quietly.

“Are you sure?” Louie asked.

“It won’t hit too close to ho-“ Dewey began.

“I don’t care,” Della assured. “I need to see how Matt Dalmatian does it.”

The Martian was probably the best choice yet.

The four of them watched in awe as Matt Dalmatian’s character was able to keep himself alive on Mars. Though it did make Della have one regret.

‘Shit, I wish I could’ve cultivated my own food,’ she thought. ‘At least then, I wouldn’t have had to survive solely on that blasted Oxy-Chew. Though it did help me survive that long on the moon. Oh, who am I kidding? It’s hard enough for me to grow food here on Earth. I should really ask Donnie for some pointers.’

By the time the movie ended, Della was feeling a wide range of emotions. Her boys noticed it, too.

“What’d you think, Mom?” Huey asked.

Della’s eyes were red with tears. “I-I don’t think I’ve ever related to any movie as much as I’ve related to that one,” she admitted. “I bet the guy who wrote the book never would have guessed that this gal was lost in space, just like Watney.”

Huey nodded thoughtfully. “I really admired his resourcefulness,” he added.

“I kinda feel bad, though,” Dewey continued.

“Why’s that, Dew?” Della wondered.

“It’s like, he was stuck in space for, what, a year and-a-half? And at least he was able to get in contact with NASA eventually,” Dewey explained. “You were stuck in space for much longer, and we didn’t even realize you were still out there, trying to get back home to us.”

Huey and Louie looked at him, slightly concerned.

“Ah-no offense, Mom.”

“None taken. I’ve kinda gotten used to the whole isolation thing in hindsight, anyway,” Della replied. “That movie really reminded me just how good I have it. To get home in one—well, two—pieces. To be able to finally see you boys in person after 11 years. To live to tell the tale. I’d say this movie was definitely worth it.”

“We love you, Mom,” Louie responded.

“Aww, I love you boys, too,” Della smiled, as they wrapped her in a hug.

“So, what we got next?” quizzed Dewey.

“Okay, you boys are gonna be mad at me for this, but I was kinda thinking Bridesmaids.”

“Eh, I don’t care,” Louie admitted. “I’ve heard good things about that one, anyway.”

“It can be a bit low-brow at times,” Huey added. “But they seemed to have made very good calls in terms of the actresses.”

“And Webby’s already showed me plenty of chick flicks in the past,” Dewey confessed.

“Fair enough. Let’s start it up, then,” declared Della. “After we find more Pep.”

“On it,” Louie shot back.

Overall, what looked to be a dull, rainy day on paper turned out to be really enjoyable for Della, Huey, Dewey, and Louie. Della was able to knock some late 2000s-2010s movies off her to-watch list, and she was able to do it with three of the most important people in her life. And to her, that was worth everything that she went through in the past. Almost like she was Matt Dalmatian.

[soullostintime]

Will stays in Mike room | Sharing a bed | Confessions | Panicking | for the Touch-Starved | 2.3K

---

When Will is asked to stay at the Wheeler's for the night to actually get some proper rest after excruciating hours in the van, he doesn't question it.

He doesn't question how this suggestion is by none other than Nancy – the caring yet equally terrifying girl whose shooting skills have always fascinated him – and that his brother, sister, even his mom are totally okay with this. He should be asking if it was actually fine. He would be, only if he wasn't as exhausted as he is.

After a painfully coverted confession to Jonathan, a closure with El about her breakup (that apparantly happened two days ago while they were making their way back to Hawkins), and a well-laid talk with his mom and Hopper about their supposed business trip, his ability to make planned decisions with proper outcomes has been hindered greatly. All he wants is one night with no alternate dimension activities. Just one night where he can actually sleep.

And so as the clock strikes past eleven and he lays his heavy, hurting back against the cold floor of Mike's bedroom (again, he should've questioned why Will is sleeping here instead of the basement with plenty of space), all he hears are the sweet sounds of peace – the angels of heaven singing their melodious song of ah, you can rest, just for tonight, you can rest.

"...Will?"

And there is another melody, but it isn't the same as the one in his head.

It's not coming from outside, or slipping past his wavering dream of comfort and solace, no- it's from up somewhere and it's quite close and warm, like a cup of tea you enjoy beside the midnight rain. It's up there somewhere, and it lingers and pinches so gently at his heart, hits the nail beautifully and silently to push the stubborn dreams away and make sleep asleep.

And then the voice hushes closer, as the bedsheets rustle and the sides creak silently. "Will, are you awake?"

It's Mike. Of course.

Who else could it be? Will is in Mike's bedroom, sleeping near his bed, so of course it would be Mike here. The exertion has definitely pushed Will off his limits of being a normal, logical person who knows how to use his head.

I'm in Mike's room, he thinks, and then the fleeting moment is rushing away, the moment where he wasn't questioning anything as long as he got to sleep.

Now, Will is aware. He is awake.

I'm in Mike's room, he thinks again, and oh if that doesn't make his insides burst with an energy he is all so familiar with – a warm passion of want and need, a familiar comfort, and yet an uneasy feeling he could never place. He is with Mike and they're alone and the world is ending and El has broken up with Mike and- God, all Will wants is some fucking sleep right now.

"Will, are-" Mike starts again, and Will can't help but notice that he has taken his name three times by now. "Are you okay down there? I- I mean, is it too cold?"

There is more silence. Will doesn't know what to do with it.

"I- I mean, I know you hate the cold, and I'm not a big fan of it either so I know how you feel and, I just-" he stops, breathing deeply enough for Will to hear loud and clear. "I- If you want, this bed is big enough for the both of us."

Now he's all giddy, shaking quietly under the sleeping bag because what? What did Mike just say? That they–?

"I just- I feel like- I mean, I don't know," Mike continues on, somehow knowing by Will's constant movement against the uncomfortable floor that he was awake and listening. "It's easier with you here."

It's easier with you here.

"...What?"

Now Will is talking, or rather, he has muttered that single word out of pure impulse, unable to fully grasp the sentences leaving Mike's mouth.

Mike makes no snarky comment, such as knowing all full well of Will being awake the entire time and calling him out on it. Instead, he giggles quietly, as if recalling the meaning behind his words as a secret to his life, a secret he could hardly keep a lock on.

"Y-Yeah," his smile could be heard in his voice, even from up there, "it's always different with you."

"I- thank you?" Will says, because what else can he really say. "Uh, well, for the record, I- feel the same," he holds the words too dearly, then barely covers them up with a casual, "I guess."

"I see..." Mike is quieter, his voice slightly faded as if grasping on a mental train reaching it's destination. Very soon, he is sitting up, looking down at Will, down to the every bone as if all his secrets were never secrets at all and Mike knew, he just knew all along.

"So you... want to join me? Here, on the bed?" His elbows hold his pose as he bows and seeks the answer just from Will's expression alone.

It's not long before Will's brain is on autopilot again, wondering about the soft cushions, the feel of the quilt over his skin, and a warm, warm bed where he can sleep so peacefully he won't know when it's morning already.

But when he gets up after whispering a "yeah, okay" and sliding into the bed right next to Mike who is now lying down facing the ceiling, it hits him.

Holy shit, I'm sleeping next to Mike.

He's too far gone down the deep ends of sleep pulling at his edges to know about it sooner, and he curses himself for it. How can he be so greedy to get some rest that he forgot who he is going to be resting with?

Now he's panicking, he's shaking and quivering silently, and oh if Mike could know whether he was awake or not while he was sleeping on the floor, he surely knew what Will was feeling now.

"You're definitely cold." Mike is now tilting on the side, getting closer and closer to Will and it's not helping, it's not helping at all. "I should've gotten you up here sooner, I'm such an idiot. Why did Nancy have to give you a sleeping bag in the first place?"

Will stammers to get a response out. "Uh, well, it was her idea to get me to sleep at your house in the first place, and besides I was fine down there–"

"It- It wasn't Nancy idea."

"Huh?"

"...It was mine."

Now Will's panic has resided, a warm emotion pushing at his sides as he tilts his head to Mike's side, catching a glimpse of those jet black wonders of eyes, his curly locks, his stary freckles, his soft lips-

"Yeah, it was, I told her to tell the others," Mike is saying, and Will watches closely as his mouth forms gentle, doting words in a voice reserved for Will. Just Will. "I... wanted to be with you."

Will's voice is quiet in return. "We were together the entire day."

"I... wanted to be with you longer."

Before Will could form any more words out of his mind's dictionary, Mike is moving closer, and as Will follows his eyes – his black sky full of magic – and sees it blink. He sees it moving to every part of Will's face, every inch, and every spot he holds makes him burn with that old feeling again. Will realises he might have had this feeling since forever. Since those swings, that first day of kindergarten, that boy who asked to be his friend.

"Will..." Mike says, his black sky falling on the petals of Will's mouth, its skin nervously bit, "I'm so confused."

Now Will is curious, his hand falling in the space between them, inches apart from Mike's. "About what?"

"About me."

"Why are you confused?"

Mike's eyes have grown somber, tears lurking within. "I... thought I knew who I was, what I was. But now, it doesn't make sense. I don't make sense." Now he is reaching in, his pinky finger gently wrapping itself against Will's in their shares space, sending a shiver down. "I want to know why I do the things I do and if they are actually what I want."

Things that Mike wants, Will thinks, because honestly, what could they be? These past few years Will hasn't been able to distinguish between a stranger and Mike, and it had scared him to death – to know you're in love with someone you barely know anymore.

"What..." Will begins, his thumb drawing circles at the back of Mike's hand. "What do you want, Mike?"

It's nearly midnight, and they're both tired. But right now as Will has asked the question of a lifetime, he can't help but notice a million emotions on Mike's face at once. A face that knows, and doesn't know.

"You."

It stops. The moment stops for what feels like an eternity but could've barely been a few seconds. Will's eyes are wide, in shock and confusion and yet completely hopeful and genuine, as if all his reality is a dream and his dreams never come true.

Except now, Mike is interlocking their fingers together, holding their palms to his chest as he breaths deeply. He gazes into Will's eyes like they hold wonders, and gently looks down at their hands again.

He moves their hands from his chest to his mouth, and before Will knows it, Mike's breath is hovering over the back of his hand.

Amidst Will's obvious heart beating out of his chest, his stomach turning before sending a tickling sensation throughout his senses, down to his very knees; Mike is looking, his eyes asking for permission way before his mouth could.

"Is this... okay?"

Will takes a few seconds to breathe, to calm down for a millisecond and be able to formulate a response, an answer, anything at all.

And so he does.

"M-Mike, this–"

"It's you. It's- It's always been you." Mike says, moving in closer so that their noses are a breath away. "I've been so confused, so stupid- you've been driving me crazy and I didn't know why."

Will gulps, the sound echoing between them. "Do you... know why now?"

"...Do you?"

Mike is asking Will if he knows what this is, knows what they are and why they feel what they feel. And Will's answer is simple. It's always been simple when it comes to Mike. So natural that it's as easy as breathing, so simple, and yet something you can live without.

"I... I guess I've known since forever."

"You weren't confused?"

"Not with you."

Mike's eyes widen with joy and surprise, and soon, he is smiling and beaming with an excitement Will didn't know he still had within him. It's not long before he settles down again, his eyes wandering over Will's, searching for the treasure on the surface, close enough for him to grasp and call his.

"So this... us..." Mike says, his voice quiet and soft, "can we–?"

"Yes." Will is saying before he can stop himself.

Mike's mouth is still near Will's hand, their interlocked fingers and resting palms, when Mike takes the yes as a commitment, deciding to seal it forever with a kiss to Will's hand. His eyes shut as he tilts his head slightly downwards, igniting every spark in Will's body.

When he is done, he looks up, releasing their fingers as he decides to put his in Will's hair, right near the back of his head and pull him closer, noses brushing, eyebrows touching, breaths stacked on top of another.

"It's you." Mike says again, whispers so quietly so that no one else can hear it. No one but Will. "I should've known. All this time, I should've–"

"Mike." Will whispers, his hands finding themselves drawing peaceful, calming circles in Mike's back and shoulder. He doesn't say anything else, just stares, and Mike stares back.

Soon they both are pulling in, shutting their eyes and slotting their lips together.

Will holds his ground, keeping up with Mike's eagerness to taste and possibly devour Will's tongue, running deep down and earning a gasp from him. Their hands are restless, and their legs tangled in each other's, and upon releasing the lock to catch some breath, Mike is hardly moving away, still lingering and roaming his tongue over Will's mouth, even biting onto the lower lip and immediately shushing the short-lived pain with a gentle roll of his tongue again.

Will is a little into the stubborn sweet form of his affection, and so when they take a two-second break again, he is taking full advantage of the opportunity to shower Mike with kisses all over. His rosy cheeks, his stary freckles, his nose, his neck and finally, his lips again. He is soft with his moves, purely deeply madly in love in the entire concept of Mike. In everything about Mike.

Mike smiles against the kisses, holding Will closer and immediately planting another long kiss on his lips, this time while subtly smiling through it, as if he has achieved everything he has ever wanted in his life.

But soon their eyelids are getting heavier, and it's then they remember: It's midnight. They just came back from a long drive across the country. They're both tired.

Mike digs his face in Will's chest, his voice grown silent as sleep pushes at his edges. His arm wraps around Will's middle as his eyes shut to sleep, before he murmurs one last sentence of the night:

"I want to be with you longer. Forever."

Will blushes, smiling as he pulls Mike close to his chest, their breaths synching and hearts pounding at the same, fast pace, gently falling into a slower, quieter rhythm.

"Forever," Will says, as he closes his eyes under the moonlight.

[stxleslyds]

MY TOUGHTS ON THE END OF RED HOOD BY CHIP ZDARSKY.

Dishonour! Dishonour on you, dishonour on your cow! 

Well Jason Nation, it happened again, fanon wins over canon. The amount of bullshit that DC made Zdarsky write in this issue is insane, I have never seen this many fanfiction tropes shoved in a single issue in my life.

This book has been a constant insult to Jason’s character and his Red Hood “persona” since the very first issue but I never thought it would end this badly. It’s incredibly sad.

I will go ahead and say it, this tumblr and this post is not “Batfamily” friendly and it definitely isn’t fanon friendly when it comes to Jason Todd.

Fanon is destroying canon for Jason Todd. I am sorry but that’s how I see it, fanon doesn’t belong in canon, I would never get tired of saying that. But here is the thing, DC latches on to Jason’s fanon version because it fits their narrative of “the Batman is all that is right and all must follow his rules or they shall disappear”.

DC has been dying to make Jason bland and flavourless just like Batman. And now here it finally is.

Let’s be honest the story in this book, the new drug, Cheer, Tyler and his mom, none of that shaped this story, none of those things were the support beams for it. It was all about this never ending “daddy issues” thing that DC pretends is going on between Jason and Bruce.

It was all about those two fighting because they “think differently” so in the end they can push Jason towards the “no killing rule” being also the Red Hood’s modus operandi.

Its utter bullshit.

From the moment that Jason had to put a bat suit on I knew that this was going to be a mess. Luckily like I predicted they didn’t make a big deal out of him wearing it but the “Jason admires Batman” feeling was very present in the issue.

I will not talk about how easy it was for that one thug to land a punch on Jason while he was distracted and I will also not talk about Jason being a dumbass for not securing his dumb mask better when he knew the fight will involve gases. I will not talk about it.

Anyway, let’s talk about the Cheer Gas induced illusion, shall we?

In Jason’s illusion he finds Bruce at the manor looking at the picture of Joker’s death (?) and even though that is strange what Bruce says next is even weirder, he says this: “I did it. He was the last one, but I did it…Joker is dead. I am done.”

Now what the hell was that? This is Jason’s illusion, and by the looks of it in his illusion Bruce has killed every baddie in Gotham and left the Joker for last? Am I reading that right? Is this this a joke?

I understand that this is an illusion so the gas is making “real” things that Jason probably doesn’t know he wants, like wanting Bruce to go on a killing spree, which Jason never wanted because he said it himself, do you guys remember the iconic “I’m not talking about killing Cobblepot and Scarecrow or Clayface. Not Riddler or Dent…I’m talking about HIM. Just him.” Because I remember and it’s so important to Jason’s character, Jason never wanted Bruce to go on a killing spree, he wanted Bruce to kill the clown who had killed him when he was only fifteen. Is that so hard to remember DC?

And then it gets worse! Since WHEN has Jason wanted a perfect family life with the people that he has tried to kill, harm or looked down to? Why is “being with a bunch of people who NEVER get together for anything other than “help” the Bat in a fight against a fucking clown” the idea of happiness to Jason? Has this man ever interacted with any of these people in a positive way without the intrusion of a Batman/Robin event in the way? I will give you the answer, it’s no, the answer is no.

Jason Todd doesn’t care for your “Batfamily” bullshit DC, why would it matter to him? Because he was Robin? He was killed by the Joker when he was Robin, and he was killed because the man in charge of him didn’t pay enough attention! Jason Todd who was written as Dick Grayson’s number one hater for so long (and fandom loves that) is now having an illusion where he enjoys happy times with him along the others? Cass and Stephanie? What? Am I missing something, is this actually AO3, is this fanfiction?

I think Zdarsky got confused, this illusion is what would happen if Jason were dosed with fear gas. That must be it, I solved it everyone! Zdarsky just got confused by his own writing!

I wish.

Let’s go back to the sad reality, Jason has a moment in which he actually puts all his training in motion and shakes of the gas’s grasp on him. He does that but he is grabbed by so many people (who are this people?) and he is unarmed and I believe that’s the only reason why Cheer is still alive after saying that he has someone in Tyler’s mom’s hospital room ready to kill her if he doesn’t join him.

(If this were the real Jason, Cheer would have dropped dead instantly.)

But this is not the real Jason and this is not a *real* comic, it’s fanfiction! So just like that time in Batman #100 when Dick was fighting alone as Nightwing (for the first time since his “family” left him alone after losing his memories) the rest of the “family” shows up to fight Cheer and four random thugs.

Yep, its like the MCU had considered having Cap say “Avengers Assemble” when they were fighting a couple of robots instead of Thanos.

What a mess.

Also having Jason say, in real life (not illusion world), “You know what happiness is? It’s knowing that others have your back.” about this group of people is the perfect recipe for a big OOC moment for absolutely everyone. I cannot believe they have dragged Jason back to this awful concept and that they have sank him so low. It’s quite honestly, disgusting.

But the horrors don’t end there, we have a wonderful moment after Jason gives Batman the antidote, Jason stops Batman from punching the living shit out of Cheer. Because I am not stupid. There is no way in the world that you can convince me that Jason just stopped Batman from killing Cheer.

How incredibly delusional do you have to be to write Batman finally killing someone and that someone being Cheer, a guy that was introduced to comics two months ago?

Yes, later its said that between the gas and the antidote Bruce was a little too crazy and couldn’t help himself BUT I call bullshit once more, because Bruce has gone completely bat-shit-crazy on people before! I remember two recent instances in which that happened. Batman #57 in which Bruce beats the living shit out of KGBeast after he shot Dick. And the other one is Batman beating up Jason more brutally than he ever beat up Joker in RHatO #25.

DC cannot fuck with me. I might has bought this digital comic for 8 dollars but I am not buying that bullshit.

ALSO, there was no need for Zdarsky to do Jason as dirty as he did him when he made him say: “If you are going to come down from mount judgement to MY level for once… he’s not the guy to do it for.”

Zdarsky, why did you write a Red Hood story when you hate Red Hood? Couldn’t you have just told DC that you wanted to write a love letter to Batman? Once again, I am reading a Red Hood story for RED HOOD content not Batman content. Is it really that hard? I bet that if Zdarsky had asked DC to let him write a Batman story they would have said yes, there are like 20 Batman stories, they wouldn’t say no to one more!

Can you tell I am mad? And salty?

This post is so long and so full of anger, I am truly sorry for that but I have to write these feelings down or I would explode. And I am not even done, our suffering, Jason Nation, continues.

But first a little break from the pain, Tyler. Thank you after all the pain this book has given me Tyler is back and just like I predicted his mom is fine and he will stay with her, they both have been given a place and money to rebuild their life (not given by Jason nor Dick but I was close enough). The only happy ending that Tyler could have, he had and I am thankful for that, we even got a little adorable moment between the Red Hood and the Blue Hood.

I am weak for these little glimpses of a good Jason take in the middle of an incredibly awful/OOC story. And just to live in my own fantasy world I will headcanon that Jason promised himself to keep an eye out for Tyler and his mom. He would have wanted to know about their life and that they are still out of trouble.

Jason is a good man, don’t you forget that DC, I don’t care how much you twist it. Jason killing Tyler’s dad wasn’t a horrible act, it was fair game. That man was a horrible person, he drugged his child and made his wife (?) almost overdose. You never gave context as to why that man was working as a drug dealer but you told us those things so Jason should never feel like he did something wrong. As far as we know, Tyler and his mom are better off without him.

Having said that, lets go back to the pain of what is reading a Red Hood story.

“I’m giving up the guns.”

You know what, fine, as long as DC doesn’t pull another “I will stop being Red Hood for you Barbara” I will be fine. He can kill people with other things, he used to have the all-blades, he had normal swords and he had crowbars.

I will sacrifice Jason looking hot as hell when he pulls out his guns just to keep him as the Red Hood, all DC has to do is not give him that stupid… bat… symbol… oh no…. oh my god I can feel it… that thing, that horrible thing is making a comeback! NO!

Jason and Bruce’s talk is basic and it doesn’t do anything for anyone, in the end saying that Jason isn’t changing his ways for Bruce but that he is doing it for himself is more of the same. We know he is doing it for Bruce and we know DC is doing it because they cannot handle good, complex and interesting characters. We know that and sadly we have to live with it.

About Bruce’s illusion, well, Bruce has said that he wanted to kill the clown for a very long time and in the King run it was basically said that if Bruce were to be happy then the idea of Batman would die.

Listen, between me and you, sometimes I think that the Joker isn’t that big of a problem for Gotham as a whole, that clown has beef with the Bat and no one else. If Bruce has killed the Joker Jason would have been happy with Bruce all those years ago but killing the Joker wouldn’t make Gotham a safe place and any of his kids happier.

Bruce needs to care for his children, but he won’t do that, he has Dick for that. Taking care and raising Damian? No, thank you, I will not do that. Giving a shit about my son who lost all his memories and is alone? No thank you, I won’t do that and then I will lie about having watched him over. Tim? Oh, never heard of him, sorry.

The last page of this story is the one of Jason arriving home and finding a new suit that Bruce gave him with the bat symbol on it. That symbol that he had ripped off of Jason’s beat up body back in RHatO #25 (nope, I am not letting that one go).

Oh, and Bruce leaving that suit in Jason’s home gives me the same exact vibes as the time that Bruce was like “Long overdue. This is where you belong. As one of us. One of the family” in Nightwing #74 a second after Dick had regained his memories.

I don’t know why but they make him sound incredibly cold and like these people are just his pawns that he needs to rope back in every time they get away from him. It’s very disturbing.

Anyway, that’s all from me, I obviously LOVED this book, best Jason Todd/Red Hood characterisation ever! 11/10 would recommend to everyone including my enemies!

🙃

[descendantofthesparrow]

Encore - POYW - Harry Hook x reader - part 23 - finishing touches

=

You hummed around your fork as the creamy buttercream hit your tongue, looking down at your lap that held your aunt's tablet as you looked over the concept art your aunt had made for your wedding cake.

They ranged from sheet cakes with black and red swirling designs to four-tiered cakes with black and silver designs with red roses decorating the top and bottom tiers.

“these are all so pretty, I have no clue which one to choose” you sighed, setting down the fork next to the crumbs of your once existing sample cake, you and Harry had decided on the flavors a bit ago, chocolate raspberry truffle cake with raspberry glaze and chocolate buttercream and angel food with light vanilla buttercream.

Tonks, your aunt, laughed and held her hand out for the tablet, you leaning over with it and placing it in her hand “that’s no problem if you can't decide right now, there's no rush since your wedding isn’t till…have you decided when you’ll get married?” you paused at her question and shrugged, you honestly didn’t remember if you and Harry had decided on a date, almost everything was ready and set.

The place, the décor, the flowers, the bridesmaids, groomsmen, junior bridesmaids, and groomsmen all chosen, their clothes and accessories ready to be of use. the flower girls were chosen and their clothes ready, the place where you would have the reception at was chosen, the food at the reception was chosen, who was going to marry you and Harry (FG offered to marry the two of you, being the one to originally separate you she wanted to officially bind you together as an apology), who was going to give you away (your aunt), the archway you were going to be married under was designed, Evie said your dress and Harrys suit was ready, the guest list was long since completed, all that was left to do was chose the cake design and decide the time and day to get married really.

“not sure yet, I’ll ask Harry the next time we talk about wedding stuff” you smiled as Tonks gave you a grin and flipped through her cake designs again.

“im sure you’ll pick the best day, now pick a cake” she slid the tablet back over to you. You picked it up and scrolled through the designs again.

You finally decided on the four-tiered cake with white fondant and silver piping designs, with black borders and red roses swirling from the top to the bottom. “great choice, now I think you have a final dress fitting to get to~” Tonks teased, standing to give you a hug and waving you off as you walked into the back to go through a portal to the descendant's universe.

You stuck your key into the storage room door lock and turned it, the portal opening behind the closed door. You swung it open and stepped into the shimmering light portal.

A moment later you stepped out into Evie's starter castle, calling out to her to let her know you were there “Evie!! Im here!” you heard her call back to you from the greenhouse turned office and you made your way over to her. “so I heard that my dress is ready?” Evie spun in her chair, facing away from the light purple dress she was working on, and nodded with a bright grin.

“All ready! Harry's suit is done too but I’ll have him come by later, try it on!” she dashed over to one of her movable dress wracks and plucked a gorgeous white dress with billowy sheen sleeves, a plunging sweetheart neckline, and a long sheer train that flowed from the back. “here you go! Now go go! I want to see the finished product on you!” she squealed, jumping in excitement as you took the dress and went to go change behind the changing screen Evie had installed a while ago for her costumers that came personally to her office.

It took a minute or two to get into the dress, with all the fabric but it was pretty easy to figure out how to put it on. Finally, you zipped up the back and picked up the skirt, and stepped out from behind the changing screen.

Evie gasped and clapped erratically “O M G it's perfect~!!! You look so amazing!!!” you let out a small laugh and let Evie lead you to her standing mirror, gasping at your reflection.

(yes im showing the design again im so damn proud of this dress i want it for my own wedding if i ever have one)

It was exactly the way you had designed it, from the small gems decorating your neckline to the white sapphire waist overlay “Evie, it's perfect” your voice cracked, pure happiness overwhelming you “it’s exactly what I wanted, and dreamed of”

“thank you so much for trusting me with it (y/n), and it's beautiful because you designed it too, you have an amazing eye for fashion” Evie giggled, holding onto your shoulders and smiling at you in the reflection of the mirror. “you are going to take Harry's breath away on your wedding day”

You laughed again, wiping the tears from your eyes and turning, wrapping your arms around Evie and hugging her tightly “thank you so much Evie” she hummed and hugged you back.

“you’re welcome (y/n), it’s the least I could do for all I've done” you raised your brow and leaned back, about to ask her what she meant before you remembered she had helped Mal kidnap you to have FG transport you back to your world.

“Still, thank you” you patted her arm, twirling back around and admiring the dress again. “I love it so much.”

“im glad” Evie sang, walking back over to her desk and continuing on the dress she had paused working on when you walked “so is everything almost done?”

“yep” you chirped, spinning and grinning to yourself as the skirt and train flared around you. “it’s all done actually, all that’s left is for Harry to try on his suit and for us to pick a day and time”

“oh, the archway is finished?” Evie asked, looking over her shoulder at you. The archway that you and Harry would be married under would be installed on your new ship for your wedding, but you and Harry had gone through a billion designs before finding the perfect one, and it had just been finished building and all it needed were its white and red roses decorating the main top boards.

“yep, Harry and I approved the final work two nights ago, we’re basically ready to get married at any point now” you turned and walked back over to the changing screen, unzipping the dress and letting it fall down your arms. “again, just need to pick a day”

Evie clapped her hands in glee “oooh I so excited, honestly, I think im more excited for this than I am Mal and Ben's wedding” you laughed loudly at that.

“Really?” you tilted your head out of the screen, raising your brow at Evie “why?”

“I don’t know” Evie sighed “something about it being more…private? And it’s really just going to be personal friends and family with some extra people, right? it just feels a bit more intimate than their wedding which is going to be broadcasted across Auradon”

You hummed, yeah you were glad you didn’t have to deal with all that for your wedding, and your wedding, hopefully, also would have Carlos actually there, he had mentioned that the day of Mal and Bens wedding was the day of his very important-you can't miss it or you’ll fail the entire year-finals test for veterinary school.

Ben and Mal had tried to reschedule their wedding so Carlos could attend but unfortunately, everything was all set and both were unable to move the date. They promised they would have either Jay or Doug record everything for him so he could at least see the wedding “personally” instead of on the news, he would be there for the reception but he would be missing the ceremony.

“what month are you thinking for it?” Evie wondered aloud, the hum of her sewing machine overpowering her voice a bit.

“im thinking either late spring or early summer? So May or June. I don’t want it to be cold as all hell but I don’t want it to be so warm everyone's sweating?” you shrugged on your shirt and zipped up your boots, stepping back out into the main area of Evie’s office with your dress in your arms “honestly I dunno, I’ll talk to Harry tonight about it, we're having dinner at my place.”

Evie nodded at that and stood, taking your dress and hanging it back up on her rack. “awesome, welp, we’re all done here! So” she waved her hands at you as if casting a spell “why don’t you get back to…whatever you were doing or needed to do after you were done with this” you laughed and nodded, spinning on your heel and walking out of Evie's office, waving her goodbye as you stepped out into her kitchen.

“kay, bye Evie!”

“bye!”

-

A couple of hours later and you were in your kitchen stirring up the mashed potatoes as Harry checked on the tri-tip. “think it's ready yet?” Harry turned to you, nodding his head at the oven.

“just check it with the meat thermometer, if it's 145 degrees it's ready” Harry nodded, putting on some oven mitts and taking out the tri-tip, sticking the meat thermometer in, and grinning.

“145, we’re ready” you nodded and turned off the heat for the gravy, and uncovered the cheese biscuits.

“Okay, ill cut it up and you can take the veggies out of the microwave and pour ‘em in the bowl thing”

You grabbed a carving knife and a large fork, transferring the tri-tip to a cutting board and slicing it up. You worked in comfortable silence to finish your prep for dinner, the only heard was your knife against the meat and cutting board and the soft music playing on Harry’s Bluetooth.

“ready!” Harry called, getting out two plates and setting them on the counter, walking over to you and kissing your cheek “thank yeh for helping me make this darling”

“you’re welcome Harry” you hummed, setting down the knife and fork and walking around Harry to get to the plates “plate up! And let's eat!”

After filling your plates with tri-tip, mashed potatoes and gravy, cheese biscuits, and corn, your dinner was ready to eat. You and Harry sat down at the counter/kitchen window and clinked your sodas before digging in, Harry dancing in his seat a bit as he bit into his food.

“good?” Harry just hummed happily, and nodded, picking up his biscuit and bobbing his head as he bit into it. “good.” You laughed slightly and dug into your own food, humming as you bit into the tri-tip “good job on the tri-tip, it’s fucking bomb” Harry grinned and his ears turned red.

“Thank yeh, Uma taught me how ta season steak a bit after the barrier came down.” You laughed again and pulled out your phone to text Uma.

“well she's a damn good teacher, it’s fucking bomb” you sent a quick text to Uma telling her that she needed to teach harry more cooking stuff and she sent back a wink and a thumbs up.

“soooo” you and Harry spoke in unison, stopping to look at each other and laughing “okay okay” you waved your hands around “me first” Harry laughed a bit and nodded, leaning on his fist and watching you “so, twice today I've been asked when we’re getting married and-I realized I don’t remember if we talked about it, like, at all” Harry snorted.

“aye, Evie, Uma, an’ CJ asked meh the same thing, and yeah we’ve…never talked about when we want ta get married” you and Harry shared an ��oh shit’ smile and you shook your head.

“well, when Evie asked me about it the first thought that came to my head was early summer or late spring, so like, May or June?” harry hummed and tapped the counter with his fingers.

“huh, May actually sounds good, um, weekend or weekday?” you lifted your feet and rested them on the sideways beams of Harry's stool.

“mmm, weekend? Mostly everyone will be free on the weekends” Harry nodded, and took another bite of mashed potatoes “maybe a Saturday?”

“sounds good” Harry mumbled through his food, swallowing it and taking out his phone, opening his calendar and scrolling up to May “um, so we have the 1st, 8th, 15th,22nd, and the 29th for Saturday’s”

You leaned closer to Harry and set your chin on his shoulder, examining the calendar on his phone “how bout the 22nd? That way it’s not too soon for anyone's schedule and not the direct end of the month” Harry smiled and nodded in agreement.

“that’s perfect, May 22nd it is, that’s when we'll get married” Harry pressed a kiss to your forehead “I can't wait for that day, my love”

“I can't wait either, I tried on my finished dress today and I just wanted to show you immediately, it's so dang pretty~!” you squealed, grinning as Harry chuckled at your enthusiasm.

“and I can't wait ta see you wearing it, I can’t wait ta see yeh walk down the aisle towards me and I can't wait ta call yeh meh wife” you forced down the burning in your nose and eyes and wrapped your arms around Harry, burying your face in his shoulder. “and I can't wait to call you my husband, and love you for the rest of my life” Harry hugged you back tightly, pulling you into his lap and pressing his cheek to the side of your head.

“I love you so much (y/n)”

“I love you too Harry”

-

“finally! I was wondering when you two were going to pick a date, I've kept my calendar open just in case you two decided to say ‘fuck it’ and get married on a whim.” Uma waved her hands about as she ranted, and you hid your smile behind your glass and took a sip of your (drink)

“Yeah, guess we can also finally print those invitations now too” Uma hummed at that and set her cup down, tilting her head at you.

“well, the guest list is all done, right? So it won't be that much to do” you shook your head and took another sip of your (drink).

“Nope, just the design, and then printing, and everything will be ready to go, Harry and I already called Ben about using his private docks for the wedding because that’s where our ship is and he’s all for it” Uma nodded, moving forward on the table and resting her chin in her palm.

“so, next month, you and Harry get married~” you giggled in excitement and danced in your seat a bit.

“yep, hard to believe it's been almost a year since we got engaged, I feel like it's only been a month” you wished wistfully, a dreamy smile on your face “when I arrived on the isle, I never thought that Harry and I would even meet, then all of a sudden I was a part of your crew.” You and Uma shared a reminiscent smile, it had happened oh so long ago, all the way back in 2017 after D2 had released, and now it was 2021 and you were engaged to Harry freaking Hook, Uma was one of your best friends, Gil the other best friend, and you could travel from your world to the descendant's world.

It was like a dream come true, and if it was just a dream?

You hoped you would never wake up.

-end of part 23-

I know these wedding planning parts are lowkey kinda boring but really im just trying to set up the wedding part(s) (if it seems like im dragging everything out pls tell me, I don’t want to bore yall)XD which is soon! It'll probably be posted on May 22nd and considering I've been posting like, once a month (im sorry lol), the next chapter may possibly be the wedding chapter but IDK~!!! But anyway thank you all for reading my dumb Harry Hook x reader that I started back in 2018 so it been like, more than two years since I posted the first part and for some reason yall liked it and asked for more??? Which like, my writing fucking sucked back then, so why the fuck did yall like it? XD

Anyway, just saying again that I will be making rewrites of part of your world and reprise, encore I’ll leave alone since I think it has okay writing, I might re-edit the first couple parts if I cringe enough at em but otherwise, encore will be left alone while the first two parts of the series will get rewritten. I will leave the original versions up but again, new versions coming after I finish encore.

Thank you! - R.Sparrow

(oh! also I designed the invitations~

pretty~ okay im done!)

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@thecaptainsgingersnap​ @imtryingthisout​ @rintheemolion​ 

@jatp-rules-my-life​

[kingreywrites]

Kiss It Better?

@runningracingdancingchasing​​

Fandom: Tangled

Word Count: 3426

Prompt: “Kiss it better” kiss

Summary: "Kiss it better"... Rapunzel liked that idea, she decided. It might not be magic, not like her hair had been, but giving love and affection to comfort someone who was hurting was definitely its own form of healing.

Note: I haven’t posted anything in a while oops fdsghg Thank you Bex for the prompt!! I hope you’ll like this!! This is half fluff half hurt/comfort so everyone should be happy :’) 

Read on ao3

"Ouch," Eugene said quietly, startling Rapunzel out of her concentration as he sucked in a breath. 

They were in the library, their favourite place since they had been welcomed in the castle less than one month ago. They had a common passion for reading, though their tastes widely differed, and they both loved to spend quiet afternoons in each other's company, reading whatever story interested them that day. Today, Rapunzel had been learning a lot about the history of medicine, reading passionately an immense volume detailing the progress humanity made in this field - at least, until Eugene broke the silence. When she raised her head to look at him, she saw him pouting in the direction of one of his hands, more precisely towards his raised pinky. 

"Are you okay?" she asked worriedly, putting her book down and scooching over to be closer to him. 

"Yeah, I just got a papercut," Eugene grumbled. "These are the worst, such a tiny cut shouldn't have the right to sting that much." 

Gently, Rapunzel took his hand to inspect the wound. It really was nothing more than a little line on the tip of his finger. She never had to deal too much with papercuts; even if she did hurt herself during the day, she had always known that by the evening, she would sing to Gothel, and would heal every of her own ailments at the same occasion. But that wasn't an option anymore, of course. 

"You okay Sunshine?" Eugene said, interrupting her thoughts. She must have looked a little too intense - thinking about Gothel always did that to her. "You can always kiss it better if it's worrying you so much," he grinned. 

She frowned at him, his hand still in hers. "I'm pretty sure a kiss won't make it better. Actually, I don't recommend getting your wounds kissed at all, do you know the-" 

"Oh no, that's not- It's more of a… belief thing, I guess? I don't think a kiss can literally heal wounds, don't worry," Eugene explained awkwardly, and Rapunzel felt her cheeks darken at this. Of course Eugene wasn't seriously suggesting something like that. She should have known she was missing something - there was so much she still didn't know, so much she hadn't lived through, and she didn't feel like she would be able to catch up any time soon. Every place, every sentence seemed to hold a new concept she had never heard of before.

"Ah," she tried to chuckle, "of course." 

"Hey, it's okay," he smiled softly, his free hand gently pushing her short hair behind her ear. "It's something you do with kids mostly, to distract them from little hurts they might have. You're right though, you shouldn't kiss the wounds directly." 

She nodded emphatically, but kept herself from reciting all the exciting stuff she had learnt on medicine and bacterias today. She wanted Eugene to finish his explanation first. 

"Basically, a lot of kids cry after getting hurt because they got scared, not because they're still in pain. Applying a "magical" kiss distracts them, and that makes them stop crying most of the time. Well, if the kid isn't stubborn," Eugene muttered. He was definitely speaking from experience here. 

"It's not really magic then but it's... comfort?"

"Yeah exactly. It's both a distraction and a way to show a hurt kid affection, to make them feel better. I said it mostly as a joke," Eugene added.

Rapunzel hummed, mulling it over. This was… This was really nice, she decided. It might not be magic, not like her hair had been, but giving love and affection to comfort someone who was hurting was definitely its own form of healing.

Eugene's hand was still in hers, though she had lowered it on her lap during their little discussion. Slowly, she raised his hand again, smiling at the way he let her do it, and guided it to her lips. She put a soft kiss on the arch of his knuckles, eyes closed, thinking about all the love she felt for him. When she lowered his hand and opened her eyes, she saw the way Eugene looked at her, his cheeks bright red and his mouth half open.

"Have I done something wrong?" she asked worriedly. "Oh, maybe the kiss should be closer to the wound-"

"N- no, no," he stuttered out, "it was perfect, I..."

The red on his cheeks intensified and, with some amusement, Rapunzel understood that he was more moved than embarrassed.

"Are you feeling better?" she asked cheekily.

"Yep," he squeaked, "definitely."

"Good," she smiled, before taking the opportunity his distraction was offering to press her lips against his, drawing a soft noise from him. Her hands sneaked around his neck, and his own ended around her waist, any thought of papercuts - or reading, for that matter - forgotten.

------

Though Rapunzel knew the trip to the Dark Kingdom was dangerous, and that the future of her kingdom was at stake, she couldn’t help but think that life on the road was really exciting. She discovered so many new things each day! And, even if it always made Cass grumpy, stopping to explore was one of Rapunzel's favourite things to do. 

That was also why she treasured her dates with Eugene so much - not only did she love spending time with him without anyone else, but he also always made sure Rapunzel would be able to explore the most interesting places around. She sometimes worried he would grow bored of seeing her run everywhere, but he kept assuring her it wasn't the case - and going by the smile he always had when looking at her, she tended to trust him on this. 

Today was one of those great days. They were currently making their way into a really cool cave Rapunzel had spotted, and they had both gotten a little wet because it had been hidden away by a small waterfall - they sneaked behind it thanks to a narrow path leading to it. Eugene had grumbled about his hair, but he was cute when he did that, and he still followed her in despite the splashing water. 

"Uh, Sunshine," he called when she rushed inside. "Careful, it's probably slippe-" 

The last part of his warning was left unheard as Rapunzel slipped on the wet floor with a yelp, and fell heavily on her hands and knees. It stung. 

"I'm okay!" she exclaimed, grimacing as she got up again. Eugene was already next to her, and he gently took her arm to help her straighten up. "Ouch," she muttered when her knees contested said straightening up. 

"Come on, it's drier back there," Eugene noted, before guiding her further into the cave. 

She felt like she was walking like a penguin, trying to not bend her knees too much to avoid making it hurt more. The cave wasn't even that fun, or mysterious, she thought with a pout. Finally, Eugene helped her sit on a bigger rock, and kneeled before her extended legs. 

His eyes flickered up. "Can I...?" he asked, gesturing to her now dirty and slightly wet dress. 

"Of course," Rapunzel smiled - Eugene had seen way more of her body than just her knees, but she loved that he always made sure she was okay with whatever he was doing. 

Gently, Eugene rolled up the bottom of her skirt. He had to tug a little when he got to her knees, because it had stuck to her skin. Her skin probably broke in the fall, Rapunzel understood. 

"So? What's your pronostic, doc?" she joked as he inspected the wounds. 

"Your odds aren't good," Eugene declared dramatically, searching through his satchel, "but I think we can still save your legs." 

"Oh thank god," Rapunzel laughed, leaning forwards to see the scratches on her skin. One was a little deeper than the other, but it was nearly nothing. Eugene showed her the bandages he had packed triumphantly, and she laughed again. "Do you always carry that on you?" 

"Hey, I know my public! Although, it's not often that you're the one falling Sunshine." 

He took his cantine too, and poured water on the wounds, probably to get rid of the dirt and the pebbles. Rapunzel hummed quietly as he worked, mulling over what he said - he was right, she might be a little clumsy, but with her hair, rare were the occasions when she couldn't catch herself. 

There were worse situations to be in, though. The sunlight was filtered by the waterfall, illuminating the cave with a soft, dark blue colour. It was as if night had fallen in the middle of the day, and there were only the two of them in the entire universe. Eugene's slightly wet hair seemed even darker here, but his tongue popping out as he concentrated on her also made him look adorable. Rapunzel had come to explore this cave in search of adventure and mystery, but to have Eugene on his knees before her, taking care of her, loving her - that was perhaps the greatest treasure this cave could have ever possessed. 

"It's all good," he grinned, proud of himself. 

"Not exactly," she smiled. 

"Really? 

"Kiss it better?"

Eugene raised his head to observe for a few seconds. Without taking his eyes off her, he placed a soft and quick kiss on the top of her right knee, then on her left one, his skin warm against hers.

"And now?" he asked, putting his hands on the rock around her legs to get up and be closer to her. "Is it better?"

"I may need another kiss," she breathed, voice drowned by the rushing water and the feel of his lips against hers.

------

Rapunzel was thinking about these moments, right now. About the soft and careful kisses in the library, when their relationship was still so new, and they didn't quite know how to say I love you yet. About Eugene's tongue and his hands and his hips, all pressing against her during one of their rare moments of privacy on the road, cold drops of water falling on their heated skin. 

She was also thinking about the way Eugene's eyes smiled when he was happy; about the blush on his cheeks she knew exactly how to provoke, the laugh in his chest she could feel if he was close enough. She was thinking about it, because right now, Eugene didn't look happy at all, and she didn't like it when he wasn't. 

"Hey hey hey Rapunzel," he called her from above, sounding more scared than she had ever heard him, "stay with me please okay? Just- Just breathe, it's gonna be fine, I swear." 

Eugene always babbled a lot when he was freaking out. She found it adorable, really, but here, he seemed terrified, and she wanted to know what was wrong. Why was he- Why was he above her? No, wait, why was she laying on the ground? 

She tried to say… anything, really, but she felt something press harshly against her shoulder, and the intense pain that erupted from it took her breath away. For a second, she couldn’t see anything, couldn’t hear anything beyond the fast beating of her heart, before the world slammed back into focus, too bright, too loud, too painful. The sun was shining right into her eyes, it felt, and everything was nauseatingly hot - especially her shoulder, pulsing with a pain she didn't understand. There were voices all around her, and she heard Eugene snap at someone to back off, and she- the weight came back on her shoulder, and she gasped, feeling too tired to do anything else. 

"I'm sorry Sunshine, I'm so sorry," Eugene said quickly, something breaking in his voice. "You're gonna be fine but I need to do this, okay? I'm sorry, I know it hurts." 

"S'okay," Rapunzel croaked with difficulty, her throat dry. Eugene looked about to cry, and she tried to move her other hand to cup his cheek, but only her fingers twitched. Huh. 

Eugene's eyes left her to look at something she couldn't see without moving and, to be honest, she didn't intend to move at all if no one forced her. She was so tired. She could feel her eyelids flickering, her vision starting to blur, but she didn't want to make Eugene even sadder by falling asleep on him. His frown was only cute when she knew he was playing it up. 

Her head hurt. She could feel a slick warmth spreading under her shoulder, and she wondered what happened to the trip in town she was sure to have planned for today. She loved talking with the Coronans directly, and Eugene always managed to accompany her as a "security detail", so she would never miss it for anything. She was exhausted, though. Maybe it could wait for tomorrow... 

"No no no no, Sunshine, Rapunzel, hey." Her right shoulder -the one that didn't hurt- was shaken roughly, and she had to blink open the eyes she hadn't even realised she had closed. "Yes, look at me, you need to keep your eyes open until the doctor arrives, can you do that for me Sweetheart?" 

She tried to hum, but she wasn't sure he heard her. All around them, other people were moving, talking too loudly and too quickly for her to follow. She was... She was lying in the street? Eugene gently pushed aside her hair, but his usually white Captain glove had specks of red on it. Did he- no, she was the one who got hurt, she was pretty sure of that. Her shoulder hurt. But she couldn't- she didn't remember what happened.

"Eugene-" she gasped, feeling like she couldn't breathe right.

"I'm here, I'm right here Sunshine." He plastered the most unconvincing smile on his face, but she could see tears building up in his eyes. "I'm not leaving you I promise."

"I…" she tried, brain scrambling to find anything that could make Eugene look happier. 

She hated it when he was sad. She hated it when she was the reason for his sadness, because if there was one person she never wanted to upset, it was Eugene. But as long as she was hurt, she also knew he wouldn't be able to cheer up. 

"May- Maybe kiss it better?" she whispered hoarsely, blinking against the stars in her vision.

Eugene laughed tearfully. Her mission was somewhat accomplished, she thought with a small smile.

For a brief moment, she thought he wouldn't do it; then he leant over her gently, the sun illuminating his hair as his lips found hers with a tentative softness. Comfort. She remembered that this was the goal, to offer love and affection, to help overcome the pain. And, although this pain was still there, Rapunzel wanted to believe it was working, because she felt infinitely better when he kissed her. The kiss tasted salty. Eugene was crying, or maybe it was her, she wasn't sure. All too quickly, he ended it, leaving a piece of his heart with her.

She smiled, or at least tried to. "All better now," she intended to say, but her own words were lost to her when her vision tunnelled. Eugene cried out for her, and she wished so badly she could answer him, but her consciousness was playing a dirty fight, and she didn't even remember losing it.

------

Rapunzel woke up to whispers. The world was far less confusing, in this instant; there was no bright light, no burning pain, no loud voices - nothing but the quiet of the night… and these whispers. At first, she thought they were prayers, low and intense requests to be listened to. However, as she concentrated, through the mist covering her mind - as she listened, she understood that they were apologies. 

She understood that it was Eugene, holding her right hand in both of his, softly asking for her forgiveness, voice so quiet it felt like he didn't want to be heard. 

Despite the exhaustion, Rapunzel opened her eyes, feeling how heavy they still were. She breathed in deeply, and her shoulder twinged, but the pain was dull compared to earlier. She glanced to her right, and saw Eugene hunched over, looking at her hands as he muttered strings of apologies. He wasn't in his Captain uniform - just his regular clothes, and he looked... He looked small. Tired, too, even though she couldn't see his face. 

"This shouldn't have happened," he breathed, squeezing her hand tighter. "I should- I should have protected you better. I'm sorry," he repeated again. 

There were a lot of things she wanted to say. She wanted to tell him that no one could predict these kinds of things, and that no matter the protection, someone who wanted her dead could always find a way to harm her. She wanted to tell him that she loved how he trusted her, she loved that he never tried to coddle her like other people in her life did, and she knew that, despite how scared he was right now, he would never do anything to impair her freedom. She wanted to tell him that this was a good thing. She wanted to tell him that she loved him. 

"Hey," she said instead, her voice so hoarse she sounded like a grandma. Eh, she did her best. 

Eugene's head snapped up, and his eyes widened visibly when they met hers. A myriad of emotions played on his face, the guilt and the joy and the fear all mixing together for an instant, until a bright and disbelieving smile broke on his face. 

"Rapunzel," he breathed out, biting his lips as he held her hand tighter and leant to be closer to her. "I- Hi," he laughed, though it looked like a sob. "You're okay." 

She grinned as best as she could, revelling in the way he immediately cupped her cheek, like he always did. 

"Love you," she murmured, and it was all it took for his emotions to get the better of Eugene. His face contorted as he fought it, but it was too late; he lowered his face on her bed when the first tear fell, shaking slightly. 

"I thought- I- I'm so sorry, Sunshine," he said, chest heaving as he looked at her again. His face was a mess. There were dark circles under his eyes, a flow of tears staining his cheeks, and, most of all, he still seemed terrified that she might close her eyes again, not wake up this time. 

Eugene wasn't supposed to look like this. Eugene should be smiling, because she never wanted him to suffer from anything. But he was hurting right now, and if she couldn't make everything right again, she could at least make it better. 

She could bring him comfort. 

Rapunzel breathed, and used all her energy to raise herself slightly on her right arm. She didn't go far, but Eugene immediately came to support her, and before he could try to put her back on the bed, she raised the arm that was supporting her quickly, and latched it around his neck. 

He didn't let her fall. She had known he wouldn't. 

But now that she was close enough, she crossed the remaining space between them, and gently kissed the top of his cheek, feeling the salty taste of his tears on her lips. His eyes fluttered closed, and she felt his arms hug her tenderly, as if he was afraid she would disappear. 

"Are you kissing my tears better?" he asked quietly, holding her tightly. 

"Is it... Is it working?" she said, feeling now tired as she rested her head on his shoulder, feeling safe and sound in his arms. 

"Yes." His breath tickled the skin of her neck. Gently, he helped her lie down again, and she was too exhausted to say anything. "It's definitely working," he whispered. 

His hand was playing with strands of her hair, soothing her as she was already half-asleep. She smiled, because she could already see that this was true, that he was feeling better now just from her kiss. And she would kiss him over and over and over again if he wanted, because she loved being able to sooth his hurts just by being there for him, just like he could sooth hers by being there for her. 

She would do it after sleeping, though. For that night, she rested, because she knew she'd have the opportunity to love him tomorrow too, and that she'd do it for as long as it was possible.

[phantom-curve]

concept!

an AU in which the boys are all alive, normal high school students, Julie has been kicked out of her music program, and Luke falls in love with her in three days while simultaneously bringing her back to her first love of all: music.

otherwise known as: my characters in my novel aren’t doing what they’re supposed to so I’m projecting them onto characters that share similar traits in an attempt to wrangle them into obedience.

also, I’m probably going to end up writing an entire freakin fanfic out of this so ya know, lemme know if you wanna be tagged.

enjoy!

It had been a year since the last time Julie Molina’s fingertips touched down on the ivory piano keys. A year where she wouldn’t, couldn’t, play a single note to save her life without dissolving into a mass of hysterical panic. A year where even the thought of opening her mouth to sing left her throat constricting like she was allergic to the very idea. A year of deafening silence in her household, nobody even daring to pop a CD in the living room player anymore. An entire year without her mother.

In short, Julie had been having A Very Bad Day for a literal year now. Today wasn’t about to change that for her.

“What do you mean it would be best for me to find a new music program?” 

The words were a strangled cry, somehow escaping around the thick blockade in her throat.

“I’m sorry, Julie, but it’s out of my hands. I’ve done everything I can. The music program is very competitive and the requirements to keep a spot open are strict. I’ve held off the school for a year now, but...” Ms. Harrison sighed. It was obvious she didn’t like this any more than Julie did. “Participation is 75% of your grade. I can’t grade what doesn’t exist.”

The words were soft, but Julie felt the sharp sting of them cutting straight through to her heart. Ms. Harrison gave her a sympathetic look. Julie knew it wasn’t her teacher’s fault. She had been given chance after chance to fix this mess, to fix herself. The failure was hers and hers alone.

“Thank you...for everything, Ms. Harrison.”

The words were a goodbye. They both knew it. Ms. Harrison’s returning smile was gentle and sad.

“I’m so sorry, Julie. Good luck.”

And just like that, Julie Molina was no longer a vocal studies student at Los Feliz High School. 

Julie left the classroom feeling for all the world like a woman adrift in an endless sea. Who was she without music? Obviously the answer was whatever version of herself she had been for the last year, but was that really who she was now? Was she really doomed to lose that part of her identity entirely, like a limb that had to be amputated out of necessity but it’s ghost still lingered, useless and ineffective? The thought of existing like this shell of herself for the rest of her life felt overwhelmingly sad but also undeniable. After all, Julie’s music had always been tied to her mother. Without her mom, there was no music left in Julie’s heart anyway.

It was those morose thoughts that consumed her as she made her way down the school hallways, chin tucked low against her chest, hat brim pulled over her eyes so no one would notice the tattletale tear marks down her cheeks. After a year of practice, Julie had become extremely adept at navigating the school hallways basically blind. She hardly ever ran into people anymore. Obviously, because today was The Worst Day of 2020, her luck had to give out exactly at that moment.

“Oof!” 

Julie’s breath huffed out in a surprised exhale. With a graceless flailing of arms, she fell backwards smack dab onto her backside, her books completely scattering across the deserted hallway. She blinked a few times in shock, her surroundings coming into focus as she steadied her breathing. 

“Hey, watch where you’re-oh! Oh. Sorry, shoulda....shoulda done a better job lookin out.”

One large hand extended in front of her face. Julie followed the line of bare skin upwards to an impressive display of biceps peeking out from the deep side cut of the boy’s homemade tank top. Her gaze wandered further, taking in the shaggy almost too-long brown hair shoved unceremoniously underneath an orange beanie, the soft green blue eyes that were gazing at her with a clear apology. Her own eyes skipped across his face as realization dawned. Well great. Exactly what she didn’t need. Los Feliz’s very own rebel rock-n-roll bad boy here to witness her downfall. She hastily scrubbed the leftover tears from her cheeks, rising from the ground without his help thank you very much.

“No, you’re right. It was my fault. Sorry.” 

Her words came out in a clipped rush, red staining her cheeks. She tucked her head back down, maneuvering around the unfairly cute boy in front of her so she could begin to collect her books. Before she could grab more than one, a neat stack was being gently tucked into her arms.

“Nah, Molina. I had my head in the clouds. Second nature to blame someone else for my problems.” The cheeky wink he flashed her was ruined by the thread of contempt running through his last sentence. His careless, cocky shrug was a bit more convincing. “’Sides, everyone knows not to get in the way of a woman on a mission. You clearly have places to be.” 

He dipped his head, eyes bouncing across her face as he tried to catch her gaze. She gave him a small, tight smile, reaching up to tuck a lose curl behind her ear. His answering grin felt like the first glimpse of sunshine after a month of rain. The crack in her heart ached in an unfamiliar way, Julie’s hand rising of it’s own accord to rub at the dumb muscle. Their eyes held for a long moment, a weird tension crackling between the two, before Julie bit her lip and broke the stare down. Like Lucas freaking Patterson, king of the Los Feliz musical department, would ever understand what she was dealing with right now. Steeling herself against his too warm gaze, she stepped back.

“Yep. Places to be. Like...not here, so...see ya.”

Her hand rose in a stiff wave. The awkward exit was not her best work, admittedly. And was it just her imagination or had the spark behind his eyes dimmed at her dismissal? Whatever. Didn’t matter. Julie wasn’t a vocal student here anymore. Her path and Luke’s were destined to shoot in opposite directions from this moment forward: his star rising higher as his band continued to take the musical scene by storm, her star hurtling its way down to Earth in a pathetic blaze of glory before snuffing itself out on impact. They wouldn’t meet again after this.

Without a second look back, Julie turned her back on the dejected puppy moonlighting as a teenage boy in front of her and escaped out of the school into the warmth of another glorious LA afternoon. 

[aros001]

Going in blind: Watching season 4 for the first time. Random thoughts.

I never said anything about it before but I love Shadow Weaver's DCAU Batman eyes. They're so expressive.

Episode 1: Okay...I wasn't expecting Catra to do that. I mean, it makes sense. If she has leverage over Hordak then she's basically in charge of the Horde and that's what she's wanted (or at least believes she wants) since episode 1. It's an aspect that made her a good antagonist, that she's not blind to the evil of the Horde, she just doesn't care as long as she herself is secure. Which naturally begs the question, when the rebellion and the princesses are crushed, when the Horde is on top, when Adora is dead, when Catra finally has everything she's ever wanted...will she actually finally be happy? Somehow, I have my doubts.

I definitely feel for Glimmer in this. When you go through as big a loss as she did you need to be able to feel and vent if you're ever going to get through it. It doesn't have to be right away but everyone doing everything in their power to avoid the topic entirely can make you feel like you're going crazy. It'a especially bad for her since it unintentionally makes it feel like everyone is acting like it doesn't matter that Angela is gone when it clearly means everything to Glimmer.

Episode 2: I actually had a potted cactus plant once. Accidentally forgot about it and left it outside for an entire winter. Once the snow was gone the cactus looked like it had melted.

I kind of want to see what an interaction between Double Trouble and Clayface from the Harley Quinn animated series would look like. I'm guess Catra was just testing how good Double Trouble was as a doppelganger because it doesn't seem like she did anything while Adora was being distracted, though I suppose that could be a reveal in a later episode.

Not much to say except that I love how buff Huntara is while still clearly being a woman. Like, women can have a variety of different body types, as this series and Steven Universe show, and Huntara's build isn't just, like, Bow's body with lipstick and ponytail and the animators calling it a day. No, she looks like a freakin' jacked adult woman.

Episode 3: I didn't figure out the Flutterina = Double Trouble twist until a minute before it was revealed, so good job there. Before that I was wondering if Flutterina was some fan's original character where they won some contest where their OC got to be in the show for an episode. She was giving off some weird self-insert vibes. That twist made it all work though. It's honestly not a bad plan. Shapeshifters haven't really been a thing in the series before now so there's no reason to suspect it. Even if they did they'd probably be expecting it by way of magic or technology, while Double Trouble's seems to be a natural ability.

I like that even though Bow is definitely the goofier one of the trio he is still consistently shown as competent. That's never in question. He was very heroic and reassuring to the villagers this episode. I get why those kids idolize him so much.

Catra's having guilt over what she did with the portal and to Entrapta and her response is basically to just double-down. She doesn't know any other way to be. Not going to lie, I am kind of hoping we get another moment in the show where Adora just completely overwhelms Catra with the sheer power of She-Ra. I'm not saying like brutalize her or anything but just something where Catra is made to realize just how powerful Adora is and that she could just destroy Catra if she had a mind to do so.

Episode 4: Well, I was saying I wanted Adora to do it but I guess I don't mind Glimmer being the one to get some good shots in on Catra. Like I predicted, Shadow Weaver's moving in to become her teacher like she was with her father. Honestly I like that that was more Adora's problem than Glimmer using her as bait, which she seemed to get over pretty quick. Yeah, it was kind of a heartless thing to do but it was an understandable tactic and she clearly outright told Adora that she did it and why afterwards, which at least means she's still being honest.

It occurs to me that Glimmer and Catra may be the ones running parallel right now. Both are basically leading their respective sides of the war. They both have lost someone very important to them. And both are trusting someone they probably shouldn't. Both even have outfits that've been updated in the intro. The difference is Glimmer's just trying to deal with a bad situation while Catra's is entirely self-inflicted.

Minor thing but I like Glimmer's new outfit this season. I'm sure this is the intention but it makes her look older and more mature. A little more muscular in some shots too.

Episode 5: Heart of Etheria project. No idea what that is but assumedly whoever's a part of it doesn't like Light Hope and Mara being friends. Sounds like it's very much interested in She-Ra being just a warrior, and perhaps a tool, for the greater good. It does make me wonder though how much Light Hope remember from when she was rebooting. Even if she deleted the Mara memory she could potentially still have the memory of her and Adora watching the Mara memory, as well as Adora asking to be her friend.

Episode 6: Yep. Scorpia; definitely favorite supporting character. There is something kind of funny about her whole "Scorpions are loyal" line when you remember the story about the Frog and the Scorpion, where it stings the frog despite it meaning death for itself as well simply because that is its nature. But finally we're having someone go save Entrapta, and I can only assume at some point Scorpia's going to access the power of the Black Garnet.

The parallels between Catra and Hordak are definitely at their max here with that speech of hers to him. She's basically trying to convince herself that she doesn't need anyone, the timing of which is appropriate since she just drove away Scorpia and now truly doesn't have anyone. Not that I blame Scorpia, obviously. Like Adora before her, however good you believe someone can be and that you can help them, at some point you just have to cut the toxic people out of your life. You have the right to be happy too.

And man, Bow is just the best. He saw something was wrong between Adora and Glimmer and defused the situation like (snap) that, pushing them to talk like any sane person would.

Episode 7: I'm sure it is just because I've seen way too many TV shows and movies (both animated and live action) that don't do it but it is just such a relief to have a show where the characters just TALK and LISTEN to each other. It doesn't solve all their issues but they're at least not being stupid and freakin' petty. It helps the drama feel a lot less forced and contrived.

Episode 8: A little bit of amusement in Bow thinking at first that Glimmer and Adora didn't even notice he was gone despite them coming to his rescue very shortly afterwards, given Catra is only now realizing Scorpia has left and assumedly she did so a while ago. Bow and Sea Hawk hadn't been gone for that long so it's not unreasonable Glimmer and Adora wouldn't be worried about their absence (Bow was literally talking about "me time" when they last saw him), while Catra is only noticing Scorpia's absence now and it was because she wanted something. Like Scorpia said, she's a bad friend.

Kind of ironic given that a lot of Catra's issues are the direct result of Shadow Weaver giving her very little love growing up but it does seem this tough love is probably what'll get through to Catra the best. She might finally stop making bad decisions and lashing out if she's forced to live with the consequences of them, like Adora told her last season.

Glimmer gets a bit of slack from me since she suffered through a huge loss, that being her mother, and then was immediately thrown into being queen right after. It'd be hard for anyone to be 100% on their game and well-adjusted in a situation like that, and I buy that she was on some level resentful of Adora for coming back instead of her mother, even if unintentionally so. What definitely helps is that Glimmer very clearly and immediately regretted what she said to Adora. Like Catra she's lashing out but unlike Catra Glimmer recognizes some of the damage she's doing and knows, at least in this case, that she went too far.

Episode 9: Now that I can see the design in color I definitely prefer Mara's She-Ra with pants to Adora's She-Ra with shorts. Honestly, while the differences are pretty minor, I do think Mara's She-Ra design is overall a lot better than Adora's. Sharper shoulder guards. Bigger cape (especially the cape, I love capes). I don't know, there's just a lot that clicks with it and I wouldn't mind Adora getting a similar outfit later.

Madam Razz definitely had a Yoda feel this episode. I was very much expecting her to start wacking Mara with a stick over the sugar like Yoda did with R2. Though while that was Yoda acting crazy, for Razz it's because she experiences time out of order, and I don't think I've ever seen that concept taken to this extent, or at least done this way before. There are characters like River Song from Doctor Who, Professor Paradox from Ben 10, or even the Reverse-Flash who interact with other characters in time out of order but those characters are still on a linear path from their own perspective, even when travelling through time. Razz is just bouncing around her own timeline, seemingly not even any real reason or cause to it like Subaru from Re:Zero. Clearly she's not just remembering things oddly because her talk about things of the present are heard by people in the past and have an effect. I wonder if maybe the reason why is because Razz was at ground zero of Mara's actions and this is a side-effect of pulling Etheria away from the rest of the universe.

Bringing more Star Wars into this, it basically sounds like the Heart of Etheria project has turned Etheria into a magic Starkiller Base; storing power that'll be unleashed to destroy whole planets. And jeez, I think this was the first time I really felt creeped out by Light Hope when she was talking to Mara.

I'm looking forward to seeing what it means that the First Ones only made the sword and that Etheria made She-Ra. If that's the case, why is only the sword able to bring out the She-Ra form? Is it like MCU Thor's hammer and the weapon was just meant to help him control the power he already had? Or is what we think is She-Ra not actually She-Ra and that form that Adora and Mara take is just a stand-in for the real thing?

Episode 10: It didn't even occur to me until now but Double Trouble's capture is another blow to Catra's circle of "friends" too. They were at least able to make her laugh. One less person for her to talk to and just...really just distract her from her thoughts.

It's a good dilemma this episode presents about what to do with the Heart of Etheria. The safest and probably best option is to just dismantle it, like Adora and Bow want, since it could easily lead to the destruction of the entire planet if it goes off. Not the mention there's so little they know about it and what it was intended for and the one person who can potentially tell them, Light Hope, they were warned not to trust. But it's not hard to understand where Glimmer is coming from in wanting to use that power to fight the Horde. They're already losing the war and now she knows Hordak Prime and his FAR more powerful forces are on the way. Tapping into the Heart is a huge risk but she's not seeing any other paths for the rebels to win. It's a really good dilemma, with good arguments presented from both sides, and I buy this widening the schism between Adora and Glimmer.

Episode 11: I have mixed feelings on King Micah still being alive. On the one hand there's a lot of good potential interactions we can now have with him, primarily between Glimmer and Shadow Weaver, and he is a fun character. But on the other I can't help but wonder if this kind of lessens the impact of what Angela gave up to overcome the false reality. Part of what made it so emotional was that she had to accept the person she loved was dead and not coming back...except now we see that he wasn't dead and now he is coming back. Yeah, their family lost out on years together and that does still carry some emotional weight but I was already also half-expecting Angela to come back later in the series because she's stuck between dimensions, meaning there's a chance she could still be alive. If both Glimmer's parents come back then that really feels like it takes a lot of weight out of her story. But I guess we'll see what happens.

Also, why did the Horde exile him to Beast Island? Why not just kill him?!

Episode 12: So the Horde exiles Micah to Beast Island instead of killing him. The First Ones protect their secrets by sending their bad tech to Beast Island. Does no one know how to just destroy things in this world?

Ohhh, I am so looking forward to next episode. While it's debatable whether Glimmer should be going through with her plan she is at least being smart with how she's going about it. Double Trouble was being paid by Catra to work for the Horde, not out of any sense of loyalty. Glimmer has the resources of Bright Moon at her disposal so it's reasonable she could pay them more to switch sides. Double Trouble was very good at sabotaging even a group as tight-nit as the heroes, so Hordak and Catra are probably easy pickings with all their issues.

Episode 13: ....WELL THAT AIN'T GOOD!

I'll admit, I had a little bit of an unintended laugh. After all we've heard about Horde Prime, like this shadowy all-powerful monster, I wasn't expecting the fabulous flowing dreadlocks and smoothness. Credit where it's due, man has charisma and charm, which goes a long way in helping your big evil world conqueror not be a very flat character, because it's doubtful he's going to have the same kind of sympathetic motivation as Hordak or complexity as Catra to keep him elevated.

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Double Trouble kicking at Catra while she's down. Adora and Scorpia were honest but they never wanted to hurt Catra. Not so much with Double Trouble and they just shove reality into her face. Everyone leaves Catra because of Catra. She's the common factor. It's her fault and no one else's. Again, I don't know for certain if Adora and Catra get together at the end (Catra would have a LOT to make amends for regardless) but Double Trouble was definitely implying Catra had feelings for her with the way they put Catra's hand on "Adora's" cheek while talking about how she left her.

I like that we see Glimmer's plan actually working at first. The princesses get a massive power boost and decimate the Horde forces. But the minute it starts going wrong she immediately admits Adora was right and she tries to stop the energy flow. I imagine having her there with Catra was intentional by the writers. Despite some parallels, Glimmer can actually accept her failures and work to try and fix things. Unlike Catra, she didn't blame Adora for things going wrong.

So the sword allows the First Ones to control She-Ra and the energy she'd be absorbing from the planet. Assumedly that means there are at least some parts to She-Ra that have nothing to do with the First Ones and thus maybe Adora can still use some of those powers without the sword.

Season 4 verdict: Yeah, the show keeps getting better, though I will admit last season's finale had me more emotional, but that's a bit of an unfair comparison given everything that happened in that finale vs. this one. This is definitely the series hitting its darkest hour, where it feels like EVERYONE lost. Not just the rebels but the Horde as well. The sword and Light Hope are gone and She-Ra (for now) along with them. Glimmer and Catra are basically prisoners. Hordak's probably going to have his personality stripped away. The Fright Zone is in ruins. The only one who's gained anything is Prime.

Really looking forward to what the final season has in store, especially since there seems to be the implication that Catra just saved Glimmer's life.

Original Reddit post: https://www.reddit.com/r/PrincessesOfPower/comments/o1j5gk/going_in_blind_watching_season_4_for_the_first/

[imaginethathaikyuu]

kinktober 2020 faq // prologue

alright mothers and fuckers, kinktober is right around the corner and just like last year, we got an faq! 

i’m making this post to answer some faq’s and to preface the event, that way there’s one place you can all find all of my kinktober info. (yes a lot of this is copy and pasted from kinktober 2019′s faq, cuz i am Lazy)

PSA: if you’re not into this event and don’t wanna see the posts, please blacklist the “kinktober 2020″ tag, as that’s the tag i’ll be using throughout the month for my kinktober fics! 

ok now take this faq:

what is kinktober? - definition taken from fanlore: “Kinktober is a multifandom prompt based challenge that encourages the creation of erotic fanworks, mostly fanfiction and fan art, that focus on specific kinks. Taking place during the month of October.” so basically its just 31 days of smut

what prompts are you using? - these, a prompt list created by myself 

can i use your prompt list for my own kinktober event? - sure thing, go for it! you can credit, or not, i don’t mind either way 

what does X prompt even mean? - a lot of the prompts this year aren’t technically kinks, they’re just... prompts. it was more fun for me that way. i recommend using google for ones that seem foreign, but there will be definitions or explanations in the note on the fic for those that need them

what characters are you including? - the character list isn’t being posted, characters will be revealed as the scenarios are posted. you know, to add some suspense

is X character included? - if the character you’re wondering about is quite popular, then yea, probably. if not, then, who knows. many people have asked about specific characters, and sometimes i answer, sometimes i don’t. i like keeping things a surprise, so i tend not to answer, but sometimes i like to throw yall a treat and let you know who’s in once the event starts, i won’t be answering any of those questions. just wait and see! 

why didn’t you include X character? - there are only 31 days of october, but there are more than 31 characters in haikyuu. because of that, some characters had to be left out. there was nothing i could do to change that. because of that issue, i held a kinktober roster poll a few months back, and the characters who received the most votes were picked first. after that, i chose those who i wanted to include. if you want to see a kinky scenario for someone who isn’t included, i do take requests after kinktober ends, so visit my ask box!

what time are scenarios going to be posted? - i’ll have posts scheduled (hopefully) most days, probably around 3 pm EST. for those that aren’t scheduled, honestly who knows the time i’ll post them (if they aren’t scheduled that means they aren’t finished yet.) i work a couple days a week, so that throws a wrench into times i can post - i really just recommend turning on my post notifications and being patient. please don’t ask when or if i’m posting it - even if they’re not on time, they’ll be up, don’t worry 

isn’t this a bit too much smut? yep

i thought i’d include some questions i received on the kinktober poll i put out a few months back, just to spice things up and answer some concerns more directly: 

- perhaps go a little further or explore each concept more? your writing is beautiful but for a lot of the fics i felt a tad underwhelmed. Or maybe i'm just really thirsty and wanted more smut lmao

- Maybe make them a little longer (?). I know it’s a lot of work. I could never do what you do so I’m not trying to demand more of you. So please don’t take it that way. I just enjoy longer reads in general. Idk please don’t be offended. I love your work so much.

- I would like it if scenarios were a lil longer but if that’s not possible that’s completely okay! That’s just me being picky bc I rlly don’t have any criticisms

- this was by far the most common comment i received (i only showed three here but there were More.) to be honest, i think i could have done a better job at wrapping up the fics last year. i think the issue was that a lot of them just ended, because i didn’t have the time or energy or ideas to end them well, and that tends to leave the reader thirsty for more unfortunately, the idea of making each fic longer in a way that adds more smut rather than just wrapping it up nicely at a good enough spot is nearly impossible because of just how much work that adds. it’s a lot less efficient to add 1k words to a fic that needs to be posted the next day, when i haven’t even started the fic that’s going up the next week yall are thirsty. there are 31 days of smut and yall still want them to be longer. THIRSTY!!!!! however there are much longer fics this year, so hopefully i can feed you all well :p

Umm there were a couple that had a one-sided kink and the other partner never got pleasured. Whether it was the reader or the character. Like the Tendō one or the Futakuchi one. Favs of mine, but they ended with the implication that more would happen but we didn’t get to see it. And I know it’s not part of the kink, but it’s be cool to include how it plays out from there if you could cos I always love seeing both sides pleased! Sorry if that’s weird

- yeah, that was kind of the point of a few of the kinks i featured last year, and again i think it’s just a matter of ending those stories better. i really hate when fics end in implications for more, it honestly is the lazy way out of a fic, but sometimes as a writer who’s posting a lot at once, i have to take the lazy way and accept that the fic could’ve been better if i had the time or energy or skill for it. i don’t like the idea of kinktober being quantity over quality, but there are rare times where i just have to make that exception in order to succeed with the event. what can ya do! 

tbh i wasn't really a fan on semi's! it was great to read when it came out but it was kinda weird to reread when it wasn't halloween

- all i’ll say is i probably should’ve taken this feedback into consideration before writing semi’s fic this year ... anyway 

Probably just more research on the said kink(s) you’ll write.

- not sure which fics or kinks this was in reference to, but yeah you’re right i could’ve done more research for a few of them. but sometimes mistakes happen, like with oikawa’s when i got two kinks confused and had to change his prompt last minute, and things slip through the cracks of my small brain. and as much as i can research, i’ll still never know everything about every kink i write about. i think most of last year’s fics captured their kinks well enough, though! 

Make some more of the stories, one-shots, type things gender neutral if possible

- i always try my best! it can be tricky with smut but it can be done, and i do always try. i’m wondering if it would be okay or helpful for some to label some fics that don’t include pronouns/gendered language but have a “fem presenting” reader as “afab reader,” mainly because it’s tricky to write smut without mentioning body parts, however avoiding gendered language when writing is much easier. if it would be better than labeling those it applies to as “fem reader” then i would much rather go with that to make more of my fics accessible to more people! i’m not sure if that’d be helpful or correct, so please feel free to give me feedback on this if you have any insight and correct me if this wouldn’t be cool!

- 

please be patient with me when it comes to answering asks and posting these scenarios. i’m kinda pretty stressed about failing, and i’m trying my hardest - even though i started writing these in july, it still feels like there’s not enough time to prepare.

thank you for giving me a reason to even have events like these. i love you all, dear friends, and i appreciate every bit of support you offer me. thank you so much for your excitement, the kind words you’ve left in my ask box and on the kinktober poll, and for supporting my writing at all. i hope you’ll all enjoy this next month of smut! 

[silke-doomflare]

Meet the character: Ainu

BASICS

► Name ➔  “Ainu”, the tiny lalafell answers politely and bows. “Ainu Wanyuudo. Pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

► Are you single ➔ “What an odd question.” She eyes you up and down, her eyes slightly narrowed. “Why are you asking? Are you up to something?”

► Are you happy ➔  She rolls her eyes. “’Happy...’ One of those words I’ve never truly understood. Oh well, I guess I’m happy enough. I have a job I like and steady income... Actually I’m making the most gil of our family, apart from my mother.”

► Are you angry? ➔  Ainu smiles widely. “Funny that you asked, since I haven’t been this angry in ages. It takes quite a lot to make me angry. This certain thug tried to murder my mother not too long ago, and I’m plotting a vengeance worth of such a deed”, she states casually, like she’d be talking about weather.

► Are your parents still married ➔  “I only have my adoptive mother, and as far as I’ve understood, she prefers to stay alone. Which I, of course, perfectly understand. Romance would only be a risk and hindrance in the criminal underworld.”

EIGHT FACTS

► Birth Place ➔ “Kugane. I stayed there for the first half of my life, and the second half I spent traveling and training around the far east.”

► Hair Color ➔ “Black?” she asks slightly confused, and glances upwards at her bangs. “Yep. So it’d seem.”

► Eye Color ➔ Ainu rolls her eyes again. She marches closer, looks up to you and pulls her lower eyelid slightly downwards, so that you can see the blood red orb clearly.

► Birthday ➔ “I have no clue about the exact date. I only know it’s sometimes around spring.”

► Mood ➔ “...bored. I am so... bored! You see, I was given this interesting assignment a couple of months ago, but my target has done nothing. Nothing! Either he chickened out just because he’s a coward, or somebody told him I was after him, and he chickened out because... well... he’s still a coward.” Ainu lets out a frustrated sigh. “I do know I have quite a reputation, but I wish people wouldn’t back off from the game because of it. How shameful. One should finish what one starts.”

► Gender ➔ Ainu raises her eyebrows. “Seriously, have you considered glasses?”

► Summer or winter ➔ “Summer absolutely. Working is easier in summer. No footprints.”

► Morning or afternoon ➔ “Afternoon. Most of my work consists of night shifts, and I’m more of a night owl anyway.”

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

► Are you in love ➔ She snorts and looks at you scornfully. “I don’t think I’ve ever experienced any kind of love. I grew up in an environment where such a thing didn’t exist. Besides, as far as I’ve been observing people around me, who are in love, it seems more like a nuisance than something worth pursuing.”

► Do you believe in love at first sight ➔ “I don’t believe in love at all.”

► Who ended your last relationship ➔ Ainu lets out a frustrated sigh. “It should be obvious at this point, but I have never had that kind of relationship. First of all: I would be insane if I let another person that close to me. And secondly: even if such a miracle happened, it would eventually fail, because the other party couldn’t handle everything a pact like that with me would bring with it.”

► Have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔  “I think I... maay have broken my mother’s heart at some point. She’s been trying so hard to save me. Though, I’m not quite sure what she’s trying to save me from. She should know by now that I’m not one of those people who need saving.”

► Are you afraid of commitments ➔ “Commitments? Do you mean my pacts with my customers? No, I’m not afraid of commitments. If I had to name one of those few things in this messed up world I find meaningful, it would be my reputation and bringing honor to the shinobi who trained me.”

► Have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ “Do hugs received from others count as me hugging them? They do? Then I’ve been hugged, yes.”

► Have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ “If I have, I’m not aware of it. However, in theory it could be entirely possible. People - well, mostly my family - keeps telling me how cute I am, so I wouldn’t be surprised if others would’ve noticed my charm as well.”

► Have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ “Hm. You nosy little cockroach just had to remind me, just for the sake of some interview? ...yes, I have broken my own heart. By believing that if I just was a good girl, she’d love me. If I just tried hard enough, I’d eventually gain her acceptance. And after she had left, I kept believing she’d come back for me. I wasted too many years telling lies to myself. Should’ve realized sooner the only living thing you can trust is yourself.”

SIX CHOICES

► Love or lust ➔ "Lust. Not that I’d be interested in it, but definitely lust rather than love. I think I already made my opinion about love clear earlier, yes?”

► Lemonade or iced tea ➔ “Iced tea, absolutely. I don’t know about you people here, but we drink quite a lot of tea in the east - both hot and cold.”

► Cats or Dogs ➔ “Cats. In general, I don’t like animals, but the less trouble they are the more I could say I like them. Besides, do you have any idea what a pain badly trained dogs can be especially to us smallfolk?”

► A few best friends or many regular friends ➔ Ainu repeats the word ‘friend’ and sneers. “Now there’s another thing I never learned to understand. People talk about friends like they’d be a good thing. I don’t call them friends, but backstabbers. I’d rather not have any of them.”

► Wild night out or romantic night in ➔ “Wild night out - alone.” Ainu smiles charmingly.

► Day or night ➔ “At night I feel most alive. Almost everyone else is asleep, and I’m free to do whatever I want, to whoever I want.”

FOUR HAVE YOU EVERS

► Been caught sneaking out ➔ “In the beginning of my training. I wasn’t used to suddenly having so much different rules to live by, so naturally I rebelled. I couldn’t understand why my mother... - Asagi at this point - would dare to leave me there. Anyhow... I soon realized one couldn’t be a good shinobi without discipline, so I never did it again.”

► Fallen down/up the stairs ➔ “I don’t think I have. My balance is unparalleled.”

► Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ “Love”, she answers without thinking. Right after her mouth is twisted into a slightly creepy grin. “But that was before realizing it’s not necessary.”

► Wanted to disappear ➔ “Oh, a couple of times actually, mostly back when I was still in training but had just started practicing with real targets. Not to brag, but nowadays I’m quite good at what I do. Nevertheless, even I can’t completely avoid mistakes. My area of work is one of those were mistakes will likely cost you your life. So, yes... after being sloppy I’ve had angry targets chasing me. Without my training I wouldn’t have had a chance escaping them with these tiny feets of mine.”

FOUR PREFERENCES

► Smile or eyes ➔ “I don’t care about either, but if I had to choose one... smile. To be honest, I don’t like to look people in the eye. From their eyes it’s fairly easy to tell are they lying or not. It annoys me, when people are saying something, but their gaze tells they don’t mean a single word.”

► Shorter or Taller ➔ “Shorter. I hate it when people look down on me like I’d be some piece of shite they accidentally stepped on.” Ainu falls silent for a moment, and after a while, shrugs. “Then again... it’s also quite hilarious when people have to bow or kneel before me, when they want to whisper or give me something. I guess being a stump also has its’ boons...”

► Intelligence or Attraction ➔ “Attraction of course. The more intelligent people are, the more trouble they usually give me. I prefer situations where I’m the smartest one around.”

► Hook-up or Relationship ➔ Ainu’s unimpressed expression hints she’d probably rather watch paint dry or grass grow than talk about this kind of subjects. “Well... if I had to choose... hook-up. That wouldn’t tie me to anyone in any way. The less I have people around me the better.”

FAMILY

► Do you and your family get along ➔ “My current family? We get along just fine. ...Apart from some minor disagreements usually considering work and how it’s supposed to be done. Sometimes it makes me wonder would they listen to me more if I had born roegadyn instead.”

► Would you say you have a “messed up life” ➔ Ainu giggles, but there’s no genuine amusement in her voice. “Well, at least it hasn’t been normal, if that’s what you mean. It... could’ve been better. I admit seeing happy families and people having fun with their friends tend to make me somewhat bitter, even angry. But perhaps those things just weren’t meant for me. I’m capable of things those regular people are not, and I believe the Kami have bigger plans for me than some boring everyday life.”

► Have you ever ran away from home ➔ “No, but I probably should have.”

► Have you ever gotten kicked out ➔ “Yes, and that’s the exact reason why I should’ve ran away. If I had just realized sooner what was going on... But meh... I guess it’s unreasonable to expect a five-year-old or younger to understand your parent is actually a piece of filth you would be better without.”

FRIENDS

► Do you secretly hate one of your friends ➔ Ainu lets out a frustrated sigh. “Since you seem to be unable to grasp the concept of not having friends, I’m just going to answer your friend-related questions by using my family members instead. Does that sound good? Good.”

► Do you consider all of your friends good friends ➔ Ainu pouts while shifting her hands behind her back. “Mostly. My adoptive sisters are both as... tolerable as siblings can be, I think. I’m not so sure about Bella, though, and what she’s going to do with her life. Same with my aunt, Silke. Those two are the only law-abiding citizens of our family - as far as I know at least - so that kind of forces me to keep my eye on them. If a betrayal were to happen, they’d be my main suspects.”

► Who is your best friend ➔ “Aya”, Ainu answers without a moment of hesitation. “If I had to name one thing I truly appreciate in people - besides not stabbing me in the back, obviously - it would be their ability to return my friendly bantering and not get offended by it.”

► Who knows everything about you ➔ Ainu smiles sunnily, before answering: “No one. Though mother is probably quite close to it.”

[thinking-in-symbols]

Quinquennial Life Assessment

So, it’s been a few years.  When I was 19 I posted a sort of “roadmap” for the evolution of my life on this blog.  Today I thought I’d revisit that.  I want to take a look back and see what progress I’ve made, and then in a separate post I want to turn to the future, think about how my vision for it has changed, and consider how I can reincorporate these goals into that vision.

This is the list of things I wanted to get done in varying time frames.  I’ve crossed off the things I’ve done to get a sense of my progress:

1 year:

At 19, my hopes were to accomplish the following things by age 20:

- Joined, and consistently participated in, at least 2 campus organizations that suit my interests, at least 1 of which should be competitive in nature - well, I joined the ISO and KVRX, my college radio station!  Neither of those were competitive, but in retrospect I don’t really care about that :-)

- Made concrete plans to study abroad - Nope, unfortunately I never did this.  I’m not quite sure I regret that, all things considered - I traded that experience for other things.  I did make plans to spend a few months abroad of my own accord, and I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for that meddling global pandemic.  But as it stands I haven’t done this.

- Learned C++ and python to proficiency - Hm.  “Proficient” is a relative term.  But I think I have a tendency to downplay my skills, so in the interest of counteracting that I’m going to count myself as “proficient” in these languages.  I think that’s fair.

- Gone on at least a several day road trip with at least 1 friend - I’ve gone on several trips with @meeshbug​, my very lovely girlfriend and best friend in the world :-)

- Decided on a concentration beyond the extremely vague umbrella of “computer science” - Unfortunately as far as my education is concerned I never really did this.  If anything my interests have *broadened* rather than becoming more focused.  More on this later...

- Made meaningful, ongoing contributions to an open-source project - You know what?  I’ve published the source of everything I’ve ever made, and I’ve gotten to the point where I can make stuff that’s not trivial.  So I’m giving myself credit for this one.

- Learned to cook enough meals to eat in most days and not get sick of my own food - I wish.  I’ve learned to cook a fair amount of stuff but I still get way too depressed and lethargic to apply that consistently.  Whether I consider myself to have achieved this honestly depends on the month.

- Learned to keep my living area clean - I’m much better at this than I was at 19, but at 19 I could barely clear a path to walk across my room.  So there’s more work to do.  More on these last two later.

- Gotten a pet - Meesh and I have a dog named Courage (after the dog of cowardly fame) and a cat named Jax!

2 years:

- Independently written a piece of software to completion and deployed it publicly - I’ve always pretty bad at actually seeing projects through to completion, but I do have a few full, independent projects under my belt at this point.  I’ve built a simple game engine, a pathtracer, plugins for games I like, and some other stuff.

- purchased and begun regularly using some basic amateur radio equipment - Ah man.  I got my license but I still haven’t gotten any equipment.  I guess I have to get on that...

- purchased and begun experimenting with some basic music recording equipment - This one I’ve done, but I haven’t done as much experimenting as I’d like.

- hosted a party - I did this for my 21st birthday and it’s one of my favorite memories!  Honestly this was probably the last time I had all my really close friends in one place.  I’m actually getting kind of emotional about that.

- done some kind of hallucinogen - I have now done this.  I definitely did get something out of it, albeit not what I expected.  This is something I actually only did pretty recently and it’s still having a pretty profound effect.  Maybe I’ll write a separate post about this.

- Gone camping with friends - Despite my best efforts, this hasn’t happened yet.  Pretty fucked up.

3 years:

- learned to play another instrument besides the piano (guitar?) - I don’t feel comfortable crossing this one off quite yet, but I went ahead and bought myself some guitar equipment and have been messing around with it lately :-) I think I’m going to have to bite the bullet and pay for lessons if I’m serious about this, which I am.

- Written and recorded a song - Damn, I can’t believe it’s been 5 years and I haven’t even done this.

- Met a group of people I can play music with - nope

- Owned a leather jacket.  I can’t believe I’ve still never even owned a leather jacket - I’ve done this and wore it frankly too much.  Kinda cringe.

- Worked as a professional software developer - Yep!  Worked as a software developer for a retail company for a couple years.  I’m actually not working as a software developer right now, though; I’m working in a sort of adjacent position.  More on this later.

- Participated in research related to my field - That’s pretty ambitious.  Not sure I’ll ever do this, unfortunately.  But we’ll see.

- Been to a film festival - Oh shit, I totally forgot about having written this.  That’s a cool idea.  I should do this, it’s not like it’s hard (well, at least in principle.  I guess covid kind of changes the situation).

- Gotten a dog - Courage is one of those, I think, although he might also be part rat.

- collected 50 records - Lol, my dumb ass really thought I was going to buy $1,000 worth of records on college money.  No, I haven’t done this, but I’m on my way there.

- Purchased a desktop computer - Well, my dad gave me his old desktop.  That’s not really a purchase but I think it counts.

5 years:

- Begun accepting freelance development gigs - haven’t gotten here yet and I’m not totally sure this is a direction I want to go in my career.  Freelancing has its own stressors as I’ve come to learn from others.  No career path is sunshine and roses and I’m trying to internalize this fact.

- Participated in a student film - Nope.  I don’t even know why I wrote this down to be honest.

- Gotten laid by solving a 5x5 Rubik’s Cube in front of a girl because surely that’s gonna have to work on someone eventually, otherwise I wasted a lot of time - These are getting weird.  Surely I didn’t really expect this to happen, right?  Well, either way I now have a long-term girlfriend, so I don’t - wait, Meesh has seen me solve a Rubik’s cube and she saw it before we started dating.  So actually I’m going to give myself credit for it.  I’m the one who makes the rules here.

- Fleshed out my political opinions - Yes, I now know everything about politics and can answer 100% of questions on political issues.  Just kidding.  But I know where I stand.

- Participated in a protest or some other kind of political event - Done!  Went to a few protests as part of the ISO, participated in lots of their events, and attended some protests with friends as well.

- Studied abroad - Nope :-/

- Learned a language other than Spanish - I took a semester of French!  But I don’t quite want to give myself credit for this one because I really would like to learn a different language to something resembling fluency.

- Run a marathon - Lmao.  I am in much worse shape now than I was when I wrote this post, and even at that time I could probably do like 7 miles if I really pushed myself.  How sad.

- Gone hiking outside of texas - This is weird because I’d literally already done this when I wrote this post.  But I’ve done it more since then, so hey!

- Been out of the country with a friend - This I had also already done.  I guess the point is to have done it without “adult supervision” or whatever.  I haven’t done this since writing this list so I guess I have to leave it uncrossed.

10 years:

- Lived with a girl for an extended period of time - Meesh 🥰

- Spent at least 6 months living on the road in an RV, preferably with a dog and a girl - God, I am so close to being able to do this.  I don’t want it to be an RV anymore - those things are expensive.  But a van?  Still pricey, but doable, especially if I’m willing to sacrifice some comfort.  This has actually been front-of-mind for a while.  I’ll let you know when I get the balls to pull the trigger.

- Started making Real Money - Well, yep, I have gotten to that point.  I do have other thoughts on this, though.  Money is weird, man.

- Lived in a long-term living space outside of Texas (i.e. not including RV time) - How long is long-term?  Three months?  If so, I’ve done this by living in Boston with Meesh for a few months after she went there for law school.  However, I anticipate staying there much longer in the near future, so I’ll wait on this crossing this one off.

- Written a book about something, idk - Not yet.  I’m halfway to the deadline on this one and I have some ideas, but ideas aren’t worth all that much, especially to me, who rarely sees them through.  We’ll see where this goes.  It’s not exactly a priority and historically I struggle to get even my priorities done.  It might make more sense to replace this with recording a concept or narrative album, for which I also have ideas that I happen to take more seriously.

- Learned to solve a 6x6 Rubik’s Cube - nope

- Gotten laid by solving a 6x6 Rubik’s Cube - nope

- Lived in an apartment where I pay all the rent - Yes!  :-))) We love independence

- Earned an advanced degree (this one’s iffy) - This hasn’t happened, and whether it will ever happen is something I’ve been thinking a lot about.  I sort of decided half-way through college that I would be totally burned out on school by the time I graduated.  But in retrospect it takes way less time to burn out on work than it does to burn out on school, and grad degrees are a different kind of thing.  So it’s worth revisiting.’

- Given a best man speech (Sam, this means you have to get married within the next 10 years.  Good luck out there.) - Holy shit, Sam, you maniac, you actually did it!  Sam got married back in 2019 and I gave his best man speech! It’s another one of my favorite memories :-) 

- Gone on a cruise with someone I’m dating - Hmm, not yet.  I’ve gone on cool trips, but none on a boat.  Maybe that’s something to aim for after the pandemic passes :-)

Retrospective:

1yr: Completed: 5/9

More than half isn’t bad!  I’m not gonna worry too much about whether I got these things done within their assigned “time-frame”.  I’m a procrastinator in my heart and I don’t see any reason to put that kind of pressure on myself.  The point is, they got done.  That’s enough for me.

The things I did best in in this category were academic things, and things to do with relationships.  I’m proud of the academic achievements, I really feel like doing them has increased my belief in myself and my sense that I’m good at the thing I’ve spent the last four years studying.  And of course, I am so happy to be in a loving, fulfilling relationship that brings so many good things into my life.  I almost feel like the things I accomplished sort of fell into my lap - of course I’m gonna do programming stuff as a programming student, and getting pets / going on road trips are things I did as a result of my relationship with Meesh.  I don’t say that to downplay the accomplishments, but I do think it’s worth noting.

The things I haven’t done are more to do with personal development, which is disappointing.  I would like to be able to say, 5 years down the road, that I’ve done the personal development I expected to do in just a single year, but maybe that’s a lot to expect.  These are problems I’ve dealt with my whole life.  I think what this means is that I can’t expect everything to fall into my lap.  Those things are going to take real concerted effort to change.  I’m not quite sure how to go about that, though.

2yrs: Completed: 4/6

Two-thirds!  Even better!

Lots of these are one-time accomplishments, not so much long-term commitments to personal development.  The good news is, I did them, and I think those resulted in some development in their own right :-)

Again, though, the things I didn’t do so well are the things that require long-term, concerted effort.  For instance, while I crossed off the one about experimenting with music, it’s really only the initial investment that I’ve really done at this point.  It remains to be seen whether I’ll be able to follow through on the commitment to actually experiment and learn.

3yrs: Completed: 4/10

This category also follows the same pattern I’ve noticed with the last two.  The other thing I’m noticing is that so, so much of my effort over the past few years has been going towards developing a very particular skill: programming / computer science.  Music and art are so important to me, but I’ve done very little real development in those areas.  I mean, I’ve done some.  But not as much as I would have hoped for half a decade.

5yrs: Completed: 4/10

This is getting a little more fun because less of my goals have to do explicitly with my degree.  I’m starting to think beyond college, which is good, because the stage of life I’m in right now requires me to start thinking about the kind of life I want to build now that I’m done with school.  Also, I’m at the deadline for this one right now!  So this is a particularly interesting category because it really shows where I thought I’d be by this time.

The goals I accomplished in this timeframe are, again, mostly things I’ve done through my relationship, but politics also feature pretty prominently on this part of the list.  I spent a lot of time reading and researching political issues during college and really did look for ways to participate.  I honestly made politics a pretty big part of my identity over the last 5 years, and I think it will stay that way forever, but I’ve gotten to the point where I think I need to devote less of my mental energy to knowing more.  I know what I need to know.  It’s time to think about other things.

10yrs: Completed: 4/11 (and counting!)

There’s some career stuff in this section that I’ve been able to do, which is good news.  I’ve always been scared about entering the working world.  All things told, it’s gone more smoothly than it could have.  But I also have lots of lingering doubts about what I want to do in the long term.  So one of the most pressing goals I should aim for is to resolve those doubts.

Ultimately, I have a lot of time left, and I’m not even done with this time frame, so I’m not gonna spend much time dissecting the things I haven’t done.  What I’ll do instead is say that while I didn’t do everything on this list, I feel proud of the things I have accomplished.  I said when I first wrote this list that it’s sometimes hard for me to feel that my life is moving in any particular direction, and I’m still feeling like that five years later, to be honest.  But looking back on these things has helped me see that I actually am making progress in my life.  Not in all the ways I want to, but that’s OK.  There’s still time.

In the next couple days I want to come back to this and reorganize this list into an updated set of goals, for the same time frames.  Maybe that will help me think through exactly what it is I want out of the next five-ten years, with the benefit of having analyzed the things that I did and didn’t do well over the previous five.

[sunnyartsstudio]

The Langoliers review: SPOILERS

So, I finally just finished reading The Langoliers by Stephen King and, wow. I actually have a lot more to say about it than I expected to, so lets get to it. 

I’ll start by saying that literally the only reason that I read another King novel is that I discovered we had a copy of it in the downstairs bathroom and I really wanted to know if all the stupid stuff from the mini series is in the book as well. Spoilers: Yes. Yes, they are. 

But I’ll start with what I thought was good about the book before I tear into what’s bad. First, despite its ridiculously silly payoff, the book has a great concept. Waking up on an airplane to find that almost all the other passengers are gone including the pilots is genuinely unsettling. It’s truly Twilight Zone-esque - in fact, the book does reference The Twilight Zone - and it does make you want to know where everything is going - even though where it’s going is disappointing. Second, most of the characters were thoroughly enjoyable. Most of them actually felt developed and I genuinely cared about what they were going through. Toomy especially is so delightfully over the top in both the book and the film that you can’t help but be invested in everything he does, and why he is this way is surprisingly well written. Usually, characters are King’s weak point for me, since he tends to write them flat. But here, they were definitely more interesting and realized. Third, between the concept and the characters - and reasons that King didn’t intend that I’ll get to in a moment - I found this book to be far more entertaining than I did The Shining. The Shining was so long and drawn out, despite focusing on only three main characters and one setting, that I found it incredibly tedious and I have no reservations saying I flat out hated it. Here, the book is shorter and has a broader cast with more than one setting, so things actually happen and the plot moves along. It isn’t without its flaws though, so - 

The bad. This book has so much stupid stuff in it I don’t know where to start. I guess I’ll start with the mini series’ famously laughable dialogue - which is almost all verbatim from the book. Yes, SCARING THE LITTLE GIRL! is not only word for word, but it is literally written the way Balky delivers it. Dinah does describe what we’re supposed to find frightening as sounding “a little like Rice Krispies after you pour in the milk” and does call it a terrible cereal noise. Oh, and who can forget the glorious “Are we the new people?”? The book even throws in - in the middle of a tense scene of trying to refuel before the langoliers show up - the stellar line “Don’t fart”. But the stupidity doesn’t end there. Albert not only knocks Toomy out with a violin case - he knocks him out with a toaster. Why? I don’t know. It’s just sort of there. Albert is given a knife and he literally rejects it in favor of wielding a toaster in a tablecloth. I can’t.....*laughing*....it’s so stupid.... Absent from the mini series are the ridiculous similes King uses that made this book read like a Mike Hammer novel from time to time. This REALLY doesn’t help when the titular langoliers show up. Yeah, I know the CGI from the mini series gets a lot of flack - and deservedly - but having now read the book, even the most amazing CGI wouldn’t have made it any better. The Langoliers just sound - silly. They’re constantly described as balls, a word that does not strike terror in one’s heart on its own, and it isn’t helped by Brian visualizing them as the bouncing ball over the lyrics of a movie singalong. How am I supposed to find that scary or even intimidating or threatening or mildly unsettling?? Yeah, it’s just as goofy as it is in the mini series. On top of that, nothing really makes any sense. It’s constantly emphasized that “stuff” from the people that disappeared was left behind, but their clothes weren’t and it’s never explained. But nothing makes less sense than Dinah. Yep, the return of the King trope PSYCHIC CHILD. This one is so weird though because with the exception of one tiny moment on the plane, Dinah does nothing remotely psychic until towards the end. Even then, this girl has apparently been so powerful the whole time that she can astral project herself to Toomy, see through his eyes and conjure a massive hallucination that includes showing him bankers he would recognize that she’s never seen, yet, not only did she somehow not use this amazing power to save herself and Gaffney from getting stabbed, but - she could have solved everyone’s Toomy problem and saved hers and Gaffney’s and even Toomy’s lives if she had just done this to begin with! But hey, at least she does something (after spending most of her time screaming and crying). That’s more than I can say for the rest of the female cast. Yeah, King strikes again with his spectacular writing of women. So, besides Dinah, we get Bethany and Laurel. At least Bethany is a decent character, but she does absolutely nothing but cry, scream and serve as Albert’s prize at the end. Then there’s Laurel. I hate Laurel. I hate her so much. Laurel also does basically nothing but cry and scream. The strongest thing she does is bite her tongue to keep herself from fainting so she can help Nick apply first aid to Dinah after she’s been stabbed. You know what else she does during that scene? She thinks about touching Nick’s hair. It’s okay, though, she mentally yells at herself for it. Not that that stops her from still doing it. Hell, the only reason she’s interested in Nick is that she wants a romantic adventure - which is the only reason she was flying to Boston in the first place. Relatable, m’right? The book treats this like it’s incredible build up so that when Nick sacrifices himself we feel all heartbroken over them - but Laurel doesn’t even think about Nick until well towards the end of the book and I feel nothing for their romance. I also love how when Nick volunteers to sacrifice himself and Laurel is upset, she volunteers Bob and Rudy first, THEN volunteers herself. God, she’s awful. But overall, she does nothing. Bethany does nothing. Brian flies and fuels the plane. Nick is constantly helping and provides first aid for Dinah and takes charge when the others can’t. Bob keeps figuring out what’s going on (though on some really flimsy reasoning that you can just add to this book’s list of stupid that it expects you to accept). Even Albert - a 17 year old kid - comes up with solutions to serious problems and fights Toomy and knocks him out - twice. Yeah, Gaffney and Rudy don’t really do anything either, but we still have four men doing everything to two women doing nothing but screaming and crying. It’s pretty pitiful. 

Overall, I would suggest this book for being entertainingly bad. It’s certainly more entertaining than The Shining and a lot less tedious. But I wouldn’t call this a good book. A fun book, but not a good one. That’s still praise coming from me, considering this is King we’re talking about. 

[unproduciblesmackdown]

here’s the matter of fact text post re: i guess i achieved the goal of an intermittent thing i’d do where i’d try to find anyone online talking about the ‘weird’ experience i have with masturbation which is, inherently, not exciting or anything but it’s like, even if i just Know of course it’s not just me, i want to like, hear someone else talk about anything similar ever, b/c so far it’s just a text post i saw once and can’t ever rediscover and someone talking about their experience that stems from an inapplicable physical trauma so....Yay, seeing as it’s been years i’ve been like “seriously though” lmao  

i was like Lol @ myself b/c i was like “man after i try for like 30 sec to crank it it a) doesn’t go anywhere hardly and b) i lose interest Way fast and it’s like mildly annoying” and so i thought about that post that’s like [me after sex: well that was a waste of my goddamn time. anyway back to speedrunning] but that’s me after a halfhearted attempt to masturbate and not really getting anything out of it anyways lmaoo like. it’s okay or i wouldn’t even bother fairly regularly but also it tends to end with like, me going off on a distracted tangent for even a moment and it can just hit an absolute brick wall like okay i don’t even have the Interest in continuing with this anymore like i might’ve had before starting like Well That Was A Waste Of My Goddamn Time Anyway Back To [whatever it is that i do]

and then like either that same night or the next my dreams had the audacity to get deeply uncomfortable for no reason like. all i do is have Anxiety Dream Themes thrown together where like. for example as i write this, two nights ago i had a dream segment about “i’m on vacation at the beach” but it was all Anxiety b/c it’ll all be about how i can hardly visit said beach coz i keep getting sidetracked at the hotel or w/e while i’m Trying to visit it while i still can, and last night i had the same Theme but trying and failing to ride roller coasters (which i Enjoy irl) and like, the beach one in particular recurs not Too infrequently lmao where i’m surprised by the rarity of something like “you’re at the beach and it’s fun” lol.......i don’t have anything i’d call a nightmare too often but Anxiety / a somewhat threatening/worrisome situation is like, fairly constant lol, with some occasionally more neutral stuff and a really rare Fun Dream but anyways it was still Bizarre that my dreams pitched me “you’re Someone who i guess is dating this abstract Partner and the scenario is you feel obligated to have sex with them” and it was weird like, woke up the next day like “why did my brain drag me through this deeply unpleasant dream situation” like. not totally unheard of for my dreams to touch on a Scene ft. sex and/or physical intimacy and even on occasion it’ll be an “i’m (or whoever i am as a maybe semi-abstract First Person camera character lol maybe ft. some particular concept attached to the ‘role’) having some sexual encounter and it’s Fine or enjoyable” but it’s generally fleeting As Per Usual Dream Structure and it’s like why was this one that sucked like, particularly dragged out by those usual dream standard’s, come on

anyways so going “haha i’m living the Waste Of My Goddamn Time thing” and “well thank you to my own brain for a bizarre and unpleasant experience while i’m just trying to be passed tf out” i was like “let’s look up again why not only can i not seem to orgasm but also like even expecting a way lower level of stimulation still Disappoints sometime like why do i bother” and yeah after first going the “does anyone Never manage to Not slam into a brick wall / basically completely lose interest all at once or practically all at once even and it all goes back to zero even if you started at like maybe a 1 or 1.5 and sometimes it happens with going down a random mental track” route i interestingly got some cis guys going “yeah hate when that happens on occasion” but yeah by now i had of course given up on “can i come at this from an [experiencing sensory input and processing from an autistic angle] angle” like. idk still interested in that of course lmao but god is searching for it a bit exhausting. but yeah after i threw in an [-erectile] search modifier i got was like oh a result on a site about asexuality re: masturbation, why didn’t i think of That angle. idk but here we are

informative stuff but the comments section where people who wanted to read an [about: masturbation] on a site About asexuality were talking about their experiences was like. i had mentioned how it was Enlightening that one person said I Do Not Enjoy Orgasms lol like i have not really heard that angle vs “you might not enjoy sexual stimulation” and/or “you might not be able to orgasm” but not you Can orgasm but you Might Not Even Like It Really like. the person said yes they got the Peak Of Intense Pleasure out of the orgasm but not so much any kind of afterglow and felt like they get dropped back to where they were before even trying to masturbate (aka. square zero again lol) and just yeah outright mentioned Not Enjoying it and another person replied like Yep it’s like that for me too.........already i’m like man i don’t even approach anywhere near an orgasm Ever but man would not be surprised if, even if i theoretically was capable of the physical experience, it would be the same as this way lower level Waste Of My Goddamn Time deal lol.......it’s Hilarious too that like. say “being at all in the mood to try to spank it” is a Square/Level 1, i feel like yeah most of the time i’m only getting this shit going to a 1.5, maybe a 2 or 2.5 if we’re on fire......very very very rarely have i been like “hey that was like, a 3 or some shit, damn” and honestly it’s not like oh so that ruled and is motivation to continue b/c like. the Surprise of it throws me off and it’s not necessarily that Great a surprise, more just like, jeez, idk, it feels like A Bit Much that basically registers as Tension where i’m hardly encouraged to keep it up like, makes me wonder if that’s a Sensory Processing Thing aka how sometimes i try to get any more in depth info on the logistics of Experiencing Sexual Stimulation re: also being autistic and the variety of ways that can unfold (i do know that like. the Sensory thing apparently can sure be a factor in either direction, i.e. might cause some ppl to really not enjoy sexual stimulation Or to like, super enjoy it. allistic ppl who might realize “thinking sex is awesome” is “”normal,”” brilliant.....like u didnt also “realize” that stims like fidget cubes and weighted blankets can be enjoyed “”normally”” like. still having a diff experience here and shut it) and i remember one time i was like “c’est la vie i will purchase a vibrator (and i got a second, external one as some deal going on)” and it was just a No Go b/c. it didn’t feel “bad” in that it was not necessarily like, yep here’s some sexual stimulation, but it was like, overwhelming in a Not Good way, yet also not physically painful, and i realize vibrators are made w/ different intensities and i definitely got Mildest ones so it wasn’t that

anyways like yeah #tbt to a time i really gave it a go (vibrator-less) for truly just short of two solid hours......plenty of that was me at Square Zero and getting back to level 1 alone (aka like. feeling Any positive response at all lmao) was kind of an achievement and maybe there was some 1.5 or 2 in there but it wasn’t like i felt that motivated and Just Keeping At It was not necessarily helping so. that was a waste of my goddamn time

can’t really remember what i was doing differently the last time i kicked things up to maybe a solid 2-3 Zone for truly like One Moment lol.....think i was just getting a little more hands on (since usually a spike in intensity makes me go “[?? / !!] whoa :/” and i lose Any momentum and/or “progress”) and that spike in intensity made me go [?? / !!] Whoa :/ and it didn’t matter, just got back to zero as always, and it’s not like these “Achievements” are “Enlightening” where i’m then like wow everyone’s right, really Trying with this shit pays off like lol. i still make a cursory effort but really just to burn off that Level 1-ness if anything like. kinda like “yeah neat here we go” but like. probably literally a minute or two later it’s like well Anyways.......another fun detail is that it’s not Always like “oh i got off on some mental sidetrack and losing focus = losing like All of even this low level of arousal and im back at zero” like, i might be in the middle of things and Lose Interest even while i’m currently experiencing a nonzero level of “yep this is some sexual stimulation” lol but it’s just like smh Whatever @ it......like, on the one hand the Tension of the stimulation gets in its own way, but if i entirely lose that then it’s like well okay this isn’t gonna go anywhere, may as well stop

so anyhow here’s the Particular Comment where i was like “wow this is so similar to #me that i guess i’ve finally found Someone Talking About It* (*however it goes for me)”

i can’t say i’ve done the Holding My Breath thing on Purpose but now sometimes i do notice i do it (and have probably Been doing it) lol like oh there i went and Exhaled in a [was holding my breath] way lol coz like they say there with the Loss Of Any Tension and the Square Zero (Not Even Square One) thing like yeah lmao. and very same with the Five Minutes Max thing b/c yeah it really can be even less than One Minute sometimes before it’s like yeah square zero or just i lose enough interest anyways, getting bored like they say, ugh like it’s a brief description obviously lmao but i’m like god well there it is i guess, the [i know it’s not Just Me experiencing this like this but i’d still fucking like to find anyone else actually talking about it] account For Once Finally, thanks for putting it out there, Disappointed and a lil bored

naturally there are also ppl in the comments talking about how masturbation is an enjoyable thing for them and particular tips there but like it is Hilarious to me how a) some people orgasm easily or like. orgasm if they put effort into masturbation lmaooo like fucking imagine. and b) idk it’s like well i’m sure i’ve made hundreds of attempts and not even any Near Misses, it is simply like, not happening and c) yet at the same time Like This Commenter it’s like “well is there just another way of doing it i somehow haven’t hit on” like naturally i have to wonder like well idk maybe it’d be diff with a sexual partner b/c yknow, the same stimulation from Someone Else vs Yourself, and yet d) ha ha of course i haven’t had sex which people Don’t think of as Not A Joke lmao i referred to this fact abt myself with some casual humor to someone and my temper flared up when that was later taken as a Cue for someone who is not me to jokingly reference it (by Temper Flaring i mean i got annoyed enough to go Do Not Do That e.g. the post that’s like “[asserts one boundary] i’m not a people pleaser anymore i’m actually a huge cunt now”) and i probably shouldn’t feel like i have to “justify” this as well somehow other people have probably tried to Make A Move re: me but i have not been into it like well, what if nobody had ever been Interested that i knew of, that would be fine too, but. i am aware that ppl think of this as a joke still lmao, and i have to say that. im already doing letters like a) b) c) aren’t i but whatever, starting over a) well i haven’t had All the opportunity in the world as i have at various points (but basically continuously) for various reasons been pretty isolated and b) idk i have not had all these signs that point to me wanting to have sex with people exactly lmao but it’s like, c) even if i go “well maybe there’s Exceptions out there or Situations That Will Be Conducively Different Than The Limited Range Of Ones I’ve Had So Far” it’s like, okay, i could still just continue to feel “nah :/” re: any “opportunity” that ever presents itself or whatever. it is all very abstract for me anyways, so it’s like, whatever. but i’m also not the most Glad to discuss it b/c idk a lot of this stuff i know is like A Joke including how i’m still simmering with resentment from a year ago or more over some Tweet i saw trying to dunk a meme about how asexuals are Anti-Psychology like, that’s an entire Other Essay there but needless to say for one thing i just pre-resent people hearing “could being autistic factor into the particular experience i have losing interest / arousal so easily (and inevitably as it’s big time primary anorgasmia around here)” and going “aha that makes sense b/c being ace means there’s something Dysfunctional going on cuz Lbr and bieng autistic means being a Fucked Up version of an allistic person and your autistacity is going to fuck up things about you which ought to function properly” like well that feeds right into itself in a loop and i hate it. and i know the whole “hehe someone who hasn’t had sex is a loser” thing is way engrained in there lmao ppl throw that punchline out all the time and like, idk, see the (i’m autistic) thing like it’s not like this is an unprecedented concept or the only front on which im like “i Know this is a thing ppl negatively judge in general but i also Know i do not buy into that or feel bad about it” like i do not personally consider myself cringe and fail for not having had sex ever and do not consider that Premise that someone is a joke for it to be true re: anyone but at the same time i know that this whole Awareness that people are shitty about it is frustrating to me lol. plus i think it is getting into the Entire Thing where concepts as broad as Maturity and Humanity At Its Most Complex And Worthwhile are considered intrinsically linked to romance and sex, which is something that i am somewhat self-conscious of being aromantic and [having never had sex and it could well be that i will not ever have sex even if The Opportunity(tm) is there] and i know it is frustrating to me b/c sometimes when i start to even talk about “i have not had sex yes im aware this is like (spit take) what a nerd, Sure” b/c i will easily cry out of frustration like 5 seconds in lol. which i cry easily enough but Usually getting teared up b/c i feel Hyped Up / Enthusiasm for something lmfao.......anyways plenty of tangents to go down here but my point is shoutout to the other person for also never orgasming and just being bored with masturbation if anything

and also to the people who were like “i can have / have had orgasms but i don’t actually enjoy it” like considering the way that [not like i experience anything even close to an orgasm but there is sometimes An Increase in arousal achieved, either a tiny raise in the Level or on occasion a bit of a kick which is mostly like “whoa tf chill out”] is overall Underwhelming even if there is Any enjoyment in it and the whole Back To Square Zero (Not Even Square One) thing re: the entire lack of afterglow they mention and it’s like well that kinda feels like parallel experiences here lmao. which tbh is like. makes me care even less with like Humorous Annoyance at the fact that ppl are out here simply able to have orgasms and to have access to that just by like yep here i go masturbating lmaooo like okay

anyways idk how to Conclude this lmfao. Fun Fact i have hc’s about how winston billions who is autistic experiences sexual stimulation (he gets the Really Enjoys It kind of sensory processing time here lol) but i suppose the easiest simplest one to explain is the “remember the Tayston Crying Sex drawing, the idea is that things can be kinda overwhelming while still being Good if it’s handled right by his partner (or himself ig lol) and he can tear up as sort of an overflow thing” like well you probably already knew that was connected to the broader whole of Winston Billions Autistic Hc’s but in case you didn’t: it is

[mimir-anoshe]

💧&🔥

Just a bit of Cursed/Nimulot analysis… Cause I’m bored. And I might have found some interesting parallels/imagery watching it through for the 7 billionth time that I would love to share. If anyone enjoys writing meta… Which I mean I know some of y’all need your fix… Feel free to use anything/expand upon it. I would, but I’m a new fur-mumma and she’s taking up all my waking hours, so this little shit-post about this new hell hole of a ship I’ve dove headfirst into will have to do. The images are from a video and show produced by Netflix, I own nothing, so pls don’t be a bitch about it Tumblr.

***SPOILERS FOR THE SHOW!!! WATCH IT AND COME BACK!! OR DON’T? ANYHOO YOU’VE BEEN WARNED!!*** ⚠️  

- beware Tumblr app users, it may be your doom -

Where to begin, with the teaser? Or with…

THE SHOW! Here be just a wee few times the writers/director(s) through the writing/cinematography have mirrored these two ‘protect the kid - warriors till the end’ idiots. I’m sure others have picked up on them… Not in any particular order, here ya go anyway.

1x02 - 1x10

*Insert spiderman pointing at spiderman meme*

One scar made by an actual dark god tricking her when she was a child, the others by a very human evil tricking him when he was a child and the consequences for both lasting into adulthood.

1x02 - 1x10

Look at the years of trauma Anakin, look at it! They even use the same damn word! The phonetic tones of disgust! The outcast syndrome! Oof. (And it’s not like Nimue being called demon has to do with a general racial-slur from a human, that is a fey calling her that from her own village!) They both grew up viewing themselves as “demons”, the “abominations”. Even their expressions are the same, fear and sorrow and self-hatred. All they both want is to be accepted! (By their fathers especially). To be loved.

The two who are “cursed.”

1x02 - 1x01

*says nothing*

1x04 - 1x01

“Where to begin? With water or with fire?”

Where to begin? WHERE TO BEGIN??? *dies*

Water ☯ Fire

Sword up  ☯ Sword down

Light/Day  ☯  Dark/Shadow

Life & Death (Life around her, death in the water) ☯ Death & Life (forest fires make way for new growth)

Long bit: Both characters are associated to the elements of water and fire individually through the environment/cinematography/colour pallet/colour symbolism, and then water and fire is mirrored between them. She is overall water, he is overall fire; but they also have a bit of the other in each other.

For Nimue this symbolism is often done through her environment, showing her connection to nature as the fey queen and that she does not hide who she is if she can help it. She does not hide externally, so her elemental symbolism becomes EXTERNAL.

Whilst for Lancelot though he is often surrounded by fire, the idea of water/tears is either symbolised through the fairy tale style of the artwork or referenced for him through his name as “the weeping monk.” Hinted at in his characterisation of guilt and self-loathing, the way other characters respond to him (”the one who cries”/”you see it all through those weeping eyes”). His main conflict is an Internal fight between who he is and who he needs to become, so a lot of his main symbolism surrounding water (and even fire as pertaining to magic - ashfolk - and not killing fey) is INTERNALISED, hidden, cut off from the Hidden themselves. Symbolic of him hiding his connection to the fey and that other side of himself, the “human” (morally speaking) side, and therefore hiding who he truly is… Lancelot.

For Nimue, fire means life. Being chosen and her magic saving people. For Lancelot fire means Death, his deeds, “the fires of hell” and the destruction of the “ash” folk and his heritage. He believes hell fire is his fate, going by the “even if I am damned.”

For Nimue, water means death. In the water she takes revenge, where that Paladin almost drowned her. Into the water she falls, where they think her shot dead by arrows. The water is her fate as the Lady of the Lake. For Lancelot, water means life. Tears, emotions, taking responsibility, feeling the weight of his guilt and mourning for the things he has done/lost. For him, water - not ash -means a second chance to be better. To put out the fires and heal.

Though in the end, for both of them, water & fire most of all represent death and rebirth.

1x03

^If you don’t understand I can’t help you. ☯

1x01 - 1x07

Now this one I found quite interesting. Remember that even if Nimue directed the second one, it is still the Power/will of the Hidden at play. (Or should I say the will of the Writers/director) Chosen? Mirrors? Night and Day? Fire… Embers to Ashes? We shall see, but I think it was definitely on purpose.

^I’ll just leave that here, the fuckers kept missing each other for an entire season (WHICH WAS ON PURPOSE THE WRITERS DID THAT ON PURPOSE just as an fyi). The fact that there is this much sexual tension, anticipation, mirroring, fate, destiny and chemistry between two characters who have never even mET should be ILLEGAL! They affect each other immeasurably without ever even meeting, so imagine what will happen when they do...? *pterodactyl screech*

Whelp there ye go. Under the next gif I also did a bit on the Teaser trailer, as that just fucked me up a bit I have to tell you! Up to you whether you want to continue digesting my mad ramblings or not. *Shrug* Thanks for coming to my TED talk guys– 😂 Somebody fucking smite me down like the eldritch horror of writing I am dear god think of the children…

THE OFFICIAL TEASER TRAILER:

Arthur running for the Sword of Power, because you know, King Arthur.

“The Legend says…” The Legend of King Arthur and his Sword Excalibur/Caliburnus? The line is very meta, a reference to the in world legend that this story will create, but it’s also expecting the audience to be savvy of the actual legend of King Arthur and his knights. Both these ideas intertwined into one. Aka, the trailer expects us to have pre-decided expectations for the story we’re now being told, because we’ve already been told it before; this fairy tale of celtic myth/history. All the “spoilers” about Arthur, his lineage, Morgana, Guinevere, the Knights, even the lady of the Lake herself come with that knowledge. However…

Surprise surprise, the Weeping Monk (killer of fae)/ Lancelot (eventually Arthur’s most trusted KNIGHT) instead picks up the fae sword from it being embedded in the ground, subverting our expectation, it definitely fucking subverted mine, but not in a GOT way, in a ~good~ way. I was like, “Whosoever be this fine hooded fellow hath stole away both sword and my good sense!!! 👀”

Also harkening back to the legend of the sword in the stone (another expectation), which the action itself signifies that person be - as Merlin so eloquently puts - “The one true king.”

Ok… Symbolic wink wink nudge nudge towards his true nature (inside and out), saving Percival, potentially becoming the greatest warrior and protector of his people and eventually a Knight of the Round Table; and perhaps King of our Hearts??? Ok, sure thing “concept” trailer. I’ll bite.

Ok… *deep breath*

WHOMSt the fUCK decided to frame (fae “ashman”) ?Lancelot? with the ~SWORD OF KINGS~ (also of fae origin) A N D the line…‘the one true king’ ALL IN ONE… instead of Arthur?

‘BELONGS to the one true King?’ Belongs, hmm interesting word choice… This done in a worms eye view shot meant to make the viewer feel like the character is above/superior/basically we’re kneeling before them? (Which I mean sure? but…) Hmm??? HMMM??? I don’t understand CONCEPT Trailer what is the CONCEPT you’re trying to get across? One hand on his paladin sword and the other on “fae hope” Excalibur I get, he has to make an important decision, one that will either save his humanity (and his people) or destroy it (them), yeah yeah sure that’s F I N E…

…but what about the “KING” SHIT HMMM?? Is there something you would like to share with the rest of the class? *sips tea whilst staring straight into the camera*

it may mean nothing don’t quote me

…Anwaaaay… We all know in a fight Lancelot can kick Arthur’s ass so that’s not whats going on here. Arthur is P I S S E D. They’re not just bog standard enemies here. I mean WPM kicking him in the ribs was pretty “fuck you” and they were just enemies there. In this instance the sword is in play, Weeping Monk has taken something from Arthur that he feels “BELONGS” to him - in this case symbolised by WPM taking “his” sword - and that’s making it personal.

“You stole my sword ya bitch!” And what is the sword linked to? Power? Sure. The right of being a King? Yep. And also a certain Queen…  No no no, this is the Concept of rivalry. It shows that whatever relationship Arthur and his “Knight” will have in the future after all the “die die die” starts to sizzle down will - in its genesis - be a rivalry. Probably mirroring Gawain and Arthur when they first met to an extent. A rivalry for power? For something else? Who Knows!

*whistles innocently*

And down down down he goes. He’s FALLING. There are many metaphorical concepts associated to FALLING… Falling from “grace” (in the eyes of the Church)… Falling because he has a sky full of guilt crashing down upon him… falling for h… falling in Lo… into the Water!!!! Until he is completely submerged. Water, the idea of cleansing, of washing away who you once were/trauma/sins of the past so you may be reborn a better version of yourself. His old ideals are defeated, he submits to his true heritage and allows it to wash around him so he may begin to heal.

Though if we’re talking metaphors, water is - for obvious reasons - always associated with the LADY OF THE LAKE… Nimue. He has fallen into her world. (pss he’s gonna fall for the Chick in the Lake - I think - there ye go). Water is associated to memory/reflections and mirrors. And he is CRASHING through this mirror… This idea of reflections/mirror images is even more ironic when you’ve watched the show.  

And as he falls beneath the water with the sword of a King, she rises out of it, with the sword of a Queen… Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s in the biggest shipping hell of them all? Either these two are going to be really good at relay, or there’s some conceptual significance here. The specifics? No fecking clue, will need to wait for a season 2! There is also some interesting use of Z~oo~m in this last bit, but I’m sure it’s pretty obvious to you all. Summary: just visually in a concept “teaser” trailer, the zoom in on them both, the reverse mirroring, the literal and symbolic visual of water and the Sword (of rulers) connecting them frames these two characters together, that’s just in the concept trailer. Links their legend together. TBH IT LITERALLY LOOKS LIKE LANCELOT FELL INTO THE WATER AND TURNED INTO NIMUE  WHAT IS THIS GREEK SOULMATE SHIT I’M–

*calms down* This trailer and the show also definitely said to the original Arthurian Legend “RIP but I’m different.” I mean, Nimue is definitely not Lancelot’s mother figure in this one, that’s all I’m saying.

I think this legend might be a wee bit different 😉*cackles*

[theparanormalperiodical]

The Real Story Behind The Annabelle Doll, And The Other Haunted Dolls You Need To Know About

If you’ve been living under a rock for like, the last, I don’t know, 6 years, then you won’t know squat about the creepy doll phenomenon that’s currently haunting our TV and cinema screens (and at this rate, our nightmares too).

Even though this newer trope combines all the basic-bitch horror movie plot lines – and holes – worthy of scoring a solid ‘rotten tomato’ on IMBD, it turns out that there is a good deal of truth to these tales of terror.

And this is bound to continue with the release of the newest instalment in The Conjuring universe: Annabelle Comes Home (2019).

This film seeks to document her existence in Ed And Lorraine Warrens Occult Museum – an actual place where she still is – and centres around the Warren’s daughter unleashing the dark spirits (and/ or demon) contained within this spooky-ass doll.

And so, it is time to reflect on the real story behind Annabelle herself, and the other haunted dolls in existence.

#squadgoals.

But first, here’s a quick recap of the Annabelle film saga:

Annabelle’s done pretty well for herself.

She’s featured in 4 horror hits, and has even starred in 3 self-titled movies to boot. We meet her first in The Conjuring as an introduction to the Warrens and she is effectively used to combat a classic horror film trope: all scary movies start with the obligatory first 30 minutes where they introduce the characters, the peaceful home setting, and the references to past trauma which will be once again inflicted later on. Then they get going with the stuff you actually paid for.

But not here, not in The Conjuring.

Annabelle is used to give us a taste of the terror that awaits us once we get past the opening titles. And lord, she does it well. We also get introduced to the basic-bitch doll hauntings that go hand in hand with any horror film; doors moving, writing on notes and on the ceiling, the classic rocking chair, and any other generic hauntings you can pull out of your ass and type up into a screenplay.

Anyway, the story of Annabelle across the films so far is that a child called Annabelle dies, and the parents call upon all the higher powers – yes, all the higher powers – in the midst of their grief to allow her to return.

‘Something’ pretends to be their daughter, and upon witnessing such things, they give this ‘Something’ permission to enter the doll.

The ‘Something’ then proceeds to fuck shit up, and thankfully the parents lock away the doll with all of the protections necessary. Round of applause, everyone.

Cue entrance of young, innocent girls – who, just so happen to be orphans because tropes – who accidentally unleash the terror of the doll. That special ‘something’ trapped within Annabelle is unleashed and possesses one of the girls; she escapes, gets adopted whilst pretending to not be a demon (easier said than done, actually), and years later kills her adoptive parents after she hunts down the original Annabelle doll, and cries onto it to re-possess the doll.

This takes us to the first movie – which, yeah, it’s not great, not worth a watch – and ends with Annabelle being purchased from an antique shop, supposedly as a gift for the owners we met in the first Conjuring flick.

And it turns out that whilst the totality of the events aren’t completely true, the tagline of ‘based on a true story’ isnt too far-fetched.

The real-life Annabelle is one of the most renowned paranormal objects in the world, and her fellow haunted friends all seem to tie into the theory that is brought up in The Conjuring: Vessel theory.

Simply put by the Warrens, the doll (like any object) is a vessel for spirits and demons, namely those that want to enter you.

I mean, they could at least take you out for a drink first, god.

The films focus on this invitation aspect, channelling the vampiric vibe of being allowed in, and stick to the classic line of thought: the entities want your soul for a purpose to become idk alive again and no one really understands why but goddamnit it sounds intense.

And as it is a film, it sticks to a simplified version of the actual theories behind haunted dolls in order to cram in as many empty jump scares.

In actuality, there’s a lot more to the theories behind haunted objects, and the rumours of the objects themselves, than is given attention to in Annabelle’s film saga.

The actual theories behind haunted dolls

There are 3 sides to theory that we need to consider here: that of cursed objects, ceremonial objects, and a concept called ‘spirit binding’.

The film groups Annabelle in with the first category, but makes mention of the second group when it comes to introducing the Warren’s museum. Cursed objects come about when energies become attached to objects, and these vessels also are utilised in the ceremonial world.

The earliest history of haunted dolls sticks to this purpose, and its only when the age of the occult hits in the 20th century that stories like Annabelle’s start popping up.

Think effigies or voodoo dolls; anything that can be used for mystical purposes, was. It was believed that spells could transfer person to poppet, and were used to place curses on unfavourable community members.

This enforced binding of spirits to objects is the core of the theory, and still continues today under that rather obvious alias of ‘spirit binding’. Nevertheless, today’s process is rather more positive, and involves rather less-terrifying-small-children-horror-film tropes.

Vessels are laid out, and attachment or banishment rituals are applied. These objects can be taken with you on your adventures to ensure spiritual protection, or to channel some serious spirit squad goals.

And this is what the film gets wrong; the objects discussed here are spirit-based. Nowhere in the theories are demons mentioned, and even in the Bible it is claimed that demons cannot attach themselves to inanimate objects.

It’s this ambiguity used in the films to mis-mash the human possession and object possession together, and the ‘based on the true story’ spiel stops there. And speaking of true stories, it’s now time to discuss all the terrifying tales surrounding our favourite haunted dolls.

The actual Annabelle story

The true story behind this infamous doll sticks closely to the brief encounter detailed in The Conjuring.

Basically, a nurse is given a doll in the twilight years of the occult, in 1975. And shit gets weird. Think the normal hauntings, from noises, to the doll moving by itself.

Concerned, they go to a medium who claims it’s the spirit of Annabelle Higgins. Believing it to be an innocent girl, they treat the spirit and doll nicely. Unfortunately, shit gets weirder.

In a time of desperation, they turn to the Warrens, who say that this is not an innocent spritely spirit. It’s a demon.

The doll is then stored away in the Warren’s museum in a case from which the doll cannot be touched, and it is here that she still resides.

But before you turn out the light to sleep knowing she is stowed away somewhere safe, bear in mind that there are quite a few cases that mirror Annabelle’s story, and although they are rather diverse in the doll-spirit relationship, they are all creepy as fuck.

The true stories behind the rest of Annabelle’s Spooky Squad

Annabelle’s rival in the paranormal world is none other than Robert the Doll. This little fella is reportedly possessed by ‘spirits’, but don’t let the vagueness of this possession fool you. As the original inspiration for Chucky, this doll certainly upholds a level of fame among those intrigued by the paranormal, and the backstory to our least favourite horror film villain starts with a bloke called Otto.

In 1906, Otto was presented a doll – fit in Robert’s sailor’s uniform – by a servant who was known to practice black magic and voodoo.

Yep, that was a definite red flag.

It was believed that the servant’s worship and frequent summoning of spirits possessed this creepy-ass doll. Indeed, he is so haunted that it is rumoured that you must ask to take a picture of him, or you will be haunted by those that take up residency in him.

Next up is Lotta the Doll.

It’s 1972, and some bloke called Kerry Whalton decides to wander around an abandoned building because why not. And its inside this building that he finds a marionette doll.

A quick trip to the archives, and a chance flick through the library books later and he calculates that this doll is believed to contain the spirit of a boy who once lived an odd 200 years before. The building he walked into that fateful day was the property of a man whose son drowned, and his final resting place is inside this doll.

It moves, it emits a pulse, dogs bark at it and attempt to attack it, and paintings fall when in its presence.

Oh, and when it’s put outside, it starts to rain.

Another famous doll is known as the Paula Ubin Barbie.

In 1914, a girl fell of a cliff and subsequently died.

In memoriam of her tragic death, a monument was constructed, and in it was her personal crucifix and a rather large amount of her hair.

Following her passing, a local resident began to have rather peculiar dreams. And in these dreams, a little girl would lead him to a toy shop, and pick out her favourite toy – a barbie.

He took the doll to the monument, and upon setting it down claims he felt the spirit transfer into the barbie and it is believed that her spirit found peace.

Our two final dolls stick to pretty standard supernatural goings-on.

Mandy does the usual: you hear the sound of footsteps, other dolls are knocked over, and she even has her own display case. And Pupa? She bangs on the case, changes position, and even fucks off when she wants to.

Honestly, do they not know how haunted dolls are supposed to behave?

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2007

18 to 19 years old. Things were slowly starting to get better and better.

15 honorable mentions, but this is still only a top 10. What an incredible, amazing year for music. My favorite hit song for the entire decade is in there! I think everyone already knows what that is because I am, in fact, extremely predictable.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

Second to third year of my History studies. Met a great guy. So great, in fact, that I married him in 2019 because we’re still living together 13 years later. Got my first summer job but spent my first pay on driving lessons, because, again, I needed to get out of my parents’ appartment and knowing how to drive would be good to find a job. I had a much better access to internet. I still had great grades. Things were getting much better.

I stopped making my personal lists of favorite songs that year, and I had an mp3 player, which really opened a world of possibilities even if you could only put something like 40 songs on it, at best.

I was still reading Rock Mag a lot. As you can see, the biggest controversy at the time was what was emo and what wasn’t.

We were alright.

As far as non-elligible songs go, well there’s I Still Remember by Bloc Party (and the fact I can’t put it on the list is a heartbreak and a half) and basically everything from Year Zero by Nine Inch Nails. Nightwish, Epica and Within Temptation all had pretty good albums too.

Here’s a metric ton of honorable mentions first!

Snow (Red Hot Chili Peppers) - Perfectly pleasant song.

D.A.N.C.E (Justice) - Never understood why this was so popular. Still good.

Love is Gone (David Guetta) - Heyyyy another repetitive dance track, perfect.

Miracle (Cascada), Smack That (Akon), Chasing Cars (Snow Patrol), SexyBack (Justin Timberlake) and Say It Right (Nelly Furtado & Timbaland) - Still elligible songs for that year. Still great songs. Still not making the list.

Butterfly (Superbus) - I didn’t like this band, but I liked that song.

Thanks for the Memories (Fall Out Boy) - Same here basically.

Who Knew (Pink) - Not her best, but not her worst by a mile either.

Walk It Out (Unk) - Stayed in my head for days, I swear. I have no idea what the general opinion about it is nowadays. Maybe that’s a humiliating pick and I genuinely have no idea.

Crank That (Soulja Boy) - I do, however, know that the fact this very nearly made the list IS hilarious.

Alive (Mondotek) - Laugh all you want about the tektonik phenomenon, this is still a banger and a half.

Sound of Freedom (Bob Sinclar & Cutee B) - Not as good as Rock This Party. That’s the only thing I can say against it.

Umbrella (Rihanna) - This is an edit because holy shit I forgot Umbrella. It very nearly made the list too. Sorry.

And now, possibly one of the best top tens yet.

10 - This Ain’t A Scene, It’s An Arms Race (Fall Out Boy)

US: #32 / FR: #71

Almost everyone got the lyrics wrong. The title is way too long. I really don’t like this band of pretentious idiots; if you’re gonna be pretentious at least write about something more grand and epic than your own navel, and go all out (more on that later). Nobody ever really cared about their supposed feud with Panic! At The Disco. And, to make matters even worse, the singer looked exactly like the terrible ex I had punched in the face the previous year.

This is still a damn good song and it’s on the list instead of any of the honorable mentions.

RIP me.

9 - How To Save A Life (The Fray)

US: #24 / FR: Not on the list

You already know I loved The Fray. This song could have apparently also made the previous list but it’s on this one instead. It was overplayed. I still loved it.

8 - U + Ur Hand (Pink)

US: #29 / FR: Not on the list

In 2002, I bought Pink’s Missundaztood album and as you might remember this was the second album I ever bought in my life, right before the gigantic trainwreck that highschool was.

The fact that about five years (that felt like twelve) later, Pink was on the other side of that trainwreck, back in my earphones, just as energetic and fun as she was before, was nothing short of heartwarming.

7 - Je Suis Un Homme (Zazie)

US: Not on the list / FR: #43

I’m not gonna beat around the bush. This song is terrifying.

Here’s a translation. Yeah, it’s about humanity destroying the Earth and itself in various ways, and it’s preachy, but holy shit, how can something be so bleak, so scary and still so catchy. It’s a mystery.

6 - Double Je (Christophe Willem)

US: Not on the list / FR: #2

When I first heard this song, I genuinely thought that was also Zazie and I was like oh wow, she’s learned to have fun again after that bleak, bleak song.

But no. She only wrote it, and it’s sung by this guy. It’s relatable as hell (”When I grow up it’s gonna be easy, I’ll finally know what I am”, “Who’s fault is it? / I’m something and its opposite / Double me”). The fact that a guy had this kind of voice and that a ton of people loved it (enough for him to win a big talent show and make this the second biggest song of the year!) also did wonders for my dysphoria, by the way.

5 - Ta Meuf (Faf Larage)

US: Not on the list / FR: #19

This is a song applying the most obnoxious rap and hip hop clichés about gangsters (and guys in general) to a woman, and she ends up terrorising all the guys and they’re realising these clichés might, in fact, be really toxic.

It’s a great song about gender roles usually seen in this kind of music and instead of being preachy, it’s hilarious, and well-written (I mean, it’s Faf Larage, it’s a given, but still). Check it out.

4 - Relax Take It Easy (Mika)

US: Not on the list / FR: #12

All hail the new king of pop. He was here to stay and what a breath of fresh air he was. This was very much his year in Europe as soon as the album Life In Cartoon Motion dropped.

My significant other absolutely loved this album and we listened to it wayyyy, way too much, and even with all the radio overplay AND the overplay when we were together, I still can’t get enough of this album.

3 - Love Today (Mika)

US: Not on the list / FR: #39

Here he is again!

If this was any other year this would top the list very easily. What were the US even thinking back then to not let this guy chart. Why isn’t Mika a huge star over there too. What is your problem guys. Do you have something against fun or what.

Anyway, here’s possibly the best comment on the music video:

I mean. You’re not wrong.

2 - What I’ve Done (Linkin Park)

US: #38 / FR: Not on the list

Aaaaaaand they’re back. And they’re once again topping my list. Lord have mercy on me. I loved them so much.

This was the first step into their modern sound, less raw, more U2. A couple of years later, when Lacuna Coil released Shallow Life, I used to joke that Lacuna Coil was trying to sound more and more like Linkin Park, that Linkin Park was trying to sound more and more like U2, and that U2 was trying to sound more and more like boring garbage and. I mean. I wasn’t wrong there.

My absolute favorite part of the song is at 2:24, when the music calms down a bit and the lyrics go “I start again / And whatever pain may come / Today this ends / I’m forgiving what I’ve done” and then the guitar explodes again. So powerful. Love it.

And now you’re probably thinking “so... Linkin Park was back, and with such a top quality song and it’s NOT your #1? After you put a Linkin Park song or a Linkin Park remix at #1 for three years in a row in 2002, 2003 AND 2004? What’s going on, Jo? Are you okay?”

Oh I’m more than okay. Friends and enemies, here comes the absolute best hit song of the entire decade and possibly of my entire life so far.

You probably already know what it is.

1 - Welcome to the Black Parade (My Chemical Romance)

US: #59 / FR: Not on the list (shame on you French charts)

I know I keep complaining about stuff I love not charting, or charting but not high enough to make any year-end list, but... How was this even allowed to chart. Why and how did it end up on the US year-end list when so many more radio-friendly hits I loved couldn’t even scratch the hot 100.

I’m not complaining at all. I’m just baffled.

Play the first note on a piano and I’m already a wreck. Heck, I’m pretty sure everyone from my generation is. It was basically our very own Bohemian Rhapsody. It still is. Where do I even start.

Oh. I know. Look at this page from a 2006 Rock Mag, it’s gold.

Yep, they highlighted The Open Door by Evanescence and praised it, and were like “this is very risky and ambitious and we’re not sure you’re gonna like this” for The Black Parade by My Chemical Romance. Hilarious in hindsight.

A few months later, the same magazine was desesperately using double pages to interview them because everyone adored the album.

So in case you’ve never listened to it (I’m... not even sure why I’m doing this since I’m pretty sure even people who don’t like this type of music have tried to out of sheer curiosity), it’s a concept album about a guy (...possibly. I mean there’s a lot of trans and/or nonbinary hints in the lyrics and did you really NEED to make all of this more relatable? What the hell guys) dying of cancer, remembering all the good and the bad things that happened in his life, and since his fondest memory is seeing a marching band once as a child, death arrives in the form of a marching band. He then settles some scores with his friends and family, says his goodbyes, and... and doesn’t die in the end. He ends up surviving the whole ordeal, and the last song, Famous Last Words, is one the most incredible things I’ve ever heard. It’s so propulsive, uplifting and motivating. “I am not afraid to keep on living / I am not afraid to walk this world alone”. Holy. Shit. Sadly, it’s not elligible.

Welcome to the Black Parade is basically the centerpiece of the album, as you already know or might have guessed, but here’s the thing. It also works out of context because there’s already an entire narrative arc within this one song. It’s larger than life. It’s about death and the meaning of existence. It basically contains all the stages of grief, and the conclusion it reaches is that this guy will be remembered and therefore, he will transcend death. It’s full of rage and passion and triumph. There’s key changes. There’s tempo changes. There’s everything. It’s a rock opera in a single song. I put it on my mp3 player immediately after listening to the album, and it’s still on my mp3 player today. I never, ever removed it. I listened to it countless times and every single time, it feels like rewatching one of my favorite movies.

Best hit song of 2007 by a mile. Best hit song of the decade, hands down, and now that the 2010s are over, I’m pretty confident in saying nothing has topped it so far. I’d say “fight me” if I thought this was a controversial opinion, but it’s not even that controversial.

And that feels damn right.

Next up: Is... is this a list with actual filler? Are you telling us there was ONE mediocre year for music in the 2000s? Sounds fake but okay

[qqueenofhades]

Do you think society as a whole understands and values history? I don’t think they do. And I don’t understand why.

HoooooWEEEEEE, anon. What follows is a good old Hilary History Rant ™, but let me hasten to assure you that none of it is directed at you. It just means that this is a topic on which I have many feelings, and a lot of frustration, and it gets at the heart of many things which are wrong with our society, and the way in which I try to deal with this as an academic and a teacher. So…. yeah.

In short: you’re absolutely right. Society as a whole could give exactly dick about understanding and valuing history, especially right now. Though let me rephrase that: they could give exactly dick about understanding and valuing any history that does not reinforce and pander to their preferred worldview, belief system, or conception of reality. The human race has always had an amazing ability to not give a shit about huge problems as long as they won’t kill us right now (see: climate change) and in one sense, that has allowed us to survive and evolve and become an advanced species. You have to compartmentalize and solve one problem at a time rather than get stuck in abstracts, so in that way, it is a positive trait. However, we are faced with a 21st century where the planet is actively burning alive, late-stage capitalism has become so functionally embedded in every facet of our society that our public values, civic religion, and moral compass (or lack thereof) is structured around consumerism and who it benefits (the 1% of billionaire CEOs), and any comfortable myths of historical progress have been blown apart by the worldwide backslide into right-wing authoritarianism, xenophobia, nationalism, racism, and other such things. In a way, this was a reaction to 9/11, which changed the complacent late-20th century mindset of the West in ways that we really cannot fathom or overstate. But it’s also a clarion call that something is very, very wrong here, and the structural and systemic explanations that historians provide for these kinds of events are never what anyone wants to hear.

Think about it this way. The world is currently, objectively speaking, producing more material resources, wealth, food, etc than at any point before, thanks to the effects of globalism, the industrial and information revolutions, mass mechanizing, and so on. There really isn’t a “shortage” of things. Except for the fact that the distribution of these resources is so insanely unequal, and wildly disproportionate amounts of wealth have been concentrated in a few private hands, which then use the law (and the law is a tool of the powerful to protect power) to make sure that it’s never redistributed. This is why Reaganism and “supply-side”, aka “trickle-down” economics, is such bullshit: it presupposes that billionaires will, if you enable them to make as many billions as possible without regulation, altruistically sow that largess among the working class. This never happens, because obviously. (Sidenote: remember those extravagant pledges of billions of euros to repair Notre Dame from like 3 or 4 French billionaires? Apparently they have paid… exactly not one cent toward renovations, and the money has come instead from the Friends of Notre Dame funded by private individuals. Yep, not even for the goddamn cause célèbre of the “we don’t give a shit about history” architectural casualties could they actually pay up. Eat! The! Rich!…. anyway.)

However, the fact is that you need to produce narratives to justify this kind of exploitation and inequality, and make them convincing enough that the people who are being fucked over will actively repeat and promote these narratives and be fiercely vested in their protection. Think of the way white American working-class voters will happily blame minorities, immigrants, Non-Murkan People, etc for their struggles, rather than the fact of said rampant economic cronyism and oligarchy. These working-class voters will love the politicians who give them someone to blame (see: Trump), especially when that someone is an Other around whom collective systems of discrimination and oppression have historically operated. Women, people of color, religious minorities/non-Western religions, LGBT people, immigrants, etc, etc…. all these have historically not had such a great time in the capitalist Christian West, which is the predominant paradigm organizing society today. You can’t understand why society doesn’t value history until you realize that the people who benefit from this system aren’t keen on having its flaws pointed out. They don’t want the masses to have a historical education if that historical education is going to actually be used. They would rather teach them the simplistic rah-rah quasi-fictional narrative of the past that makes everyone feel good, and call it a day. 

The classic liberal belief has always been that if you can just teach someone that their facts are wrong, or supply them with better facts, they’ll change their mind. This is not how it works and never has, and that is why in an age with, again, more knowledge of science than ever before and the collected wisdom of humanity available via your smartphone, we have substantial portions of people who believe that vaccines are evil, the Earth is flat, and climate change (and 87 million other things) are fake and/or government conspiracies. As a medievalist, I get really tetchy when the idiocy of modern people is blamed on the stereotypical “Dark Ages!” medieval era (I have written many posts ranting about that, so we’ll keep it to a minimum here), or when everything bad, backward, or wrong is considered to be “medieval” in nature. Trust me, on several things, they were doing a lot better than we are. Other things are not nearly as wildly caricatured as they have been made out to be. Because once again, history is complicated and people are flawed in any era, do good and bad things, but that isn’t as useful as a narrative that flattens out into simplistic black and white.

Basically, people don’t want their identities, comfortable notions, and other ideas about the past challenged, especially since that is directly relevant to how they perceive themselves (and everyone else) in the present. The thing about history, obviously, is that it’s past, it’s done, and until we invent a time machine, which pray God we never fucking do, within a few generations, the entire population of the earth has been replaced. That means it’s awfully fragile as a concept. Before the modern era and the invention of technology and the countless mediums (book, TV, radio, newspaper, internet, etc etc) that serve as sources, it’s only available in a relatively limited corpus of documents. History does not speak for itself. That’s where you get into historiography, or writing history. Even if you have a book or document that serves as a primary source material, you have to do a shit-ton of things with it to turn it into recognizable scholarship. You have to learn the language it’s in. You have to understand the context in which it was produced. You have to figure out what it ignores, forgets, omits, or simply does not know as well as what it does, and recognize it as a limited text produced from a certain perspective or for a social reason that may or may not be explicitly articulated. The training of a historian is to teach you how to do this accurately and more or less fairly, but that is up to the personal ethic of the historian to ensure. When you’re reading a history book, you’re not reading an unmediated, Pure, This Was Definitely How Things Happened The End information download. You are reading something by someone who has made their best guess and has been equipped with the interpretive tools to be reasonably confident in their analysis, but sometimes just doesn’t know, sometimes has an agenda in pushing one opinion over another, or anything else.

History, in other words, is a system of flawed and self-serving collective memory, and power wants only the memory that ensures its survival and replication. You’ve heard of the “history is written by the winners” quote, which basically encapsulates the fact that what we learn and what we take as fact is largely or entirely structured by the narrative of those who can control it. If you’ve heard of the 1970s French philosopher Michel Foucault, his work is basically foundational in understanding how power produces knowledge in each era (what he calls epistemes) and the way in which historical “fact” is subject to the needs of these eras. Foucault has a lot of critics and his work particularly in the history of sexuality has now become dated (plus he can be a slog to read), but I do suggest familiarizing yourself with some of his ideas. 

This is also present in the constant refrain heard by anybody who has ever studied the arts and humanities: “oh, don’t do liberal arts, you’ll never get a job, study something worthwhile,” etc. It’s funny how the “worthwhile” subjects always seem to be science and engineering/software/anything that can support the capitalist military industrial complex, while science is otherwise completely useless to them. It’s also always funny how the humanities are relentlessly de- or under- funded. By labeling these subjects as “worthless,” when they often focus on deep investigation of varied topics, independent critical thought, complex analysis, and otherwise teaching you to think for yourself, we therefore decrease the amount of people who feel compelled to go into them. Since (see again, late-stage capitalism is a nightmare) most people are going to prefer some kind of paycheck to stringing it along on a miniscule arts budget, they will leave those fields and their inherent social criticism behind. Of course, we do have some people – academics, social scientists, artists, creatives, activists, etc – who do this kind of work and dedicate themselves to it, but we (and I include myself in this group) have not reached critical mass and do not have the power to effect actual drastic change on this unfair system. I can guarantee that they will ensure we never will, and the deliberate and chronic underfunding of the humanities is just one of the mechanisms by which late-stage capitalism replicates and protects itself.

I realize that I sound like an old man yelling at a cloud/going off on my paranoid rant, but…. this is just the way we’ve all gotten used to living, and it’s both amazing and horrifying. As long as the underclasses are all beholden to their own Ideas of History, and as long as most people are content to exist within the current ludicrous ideas that we have received down the ages as inherited wisdom and enforced on ourselves and others, there’s not much we can do about it. You are never going to reach agreement on some sweeping Platonic ideal of universal history, since my point throughout this whole screed has always been that history is particular, localized, conditioned by specific factors, and produced to suit the purposes of a very particular set of goals. History doesn’t repeat itself, per se (though it can be Very Fucking Close), but as long as access to a specific set of resources, i.e. power, money, sex, food, land, technology, jobs, etc are at stake, the inherent nature of human beings means that they will always be choosing from within a similar matrix of actions, producing the same kind of justifications for those actions, and transmitting it to the next generation in a way that relatively few people learn how to challenge. We have not figured out how to break that cycle yet. We are an advanced species beyond any doubt, but we’re also still hairless apes on a spinning blue ball on the outer arm of a rural galaxy, and oftentimes we act like it.

I don’t know. I think it’s obvious why society doesn’t understand and value history, because historians are so often the ones pointing out the previous pattern of mistakes and how well that went last time. Power does not want to be dismantled or criticized, and has no interest in empowering the citizens to consider the mechanisms by which they collaborate in its perpetuation. White supremacists don’t want to be educated into an “actual” version of history, even if their view of things is, objectively speaking, wildly inaccurate. They want the version of history which upholds their beliefs and their way of life. Even non-insane people tend to prefer history that validates what they think they already know, and especially in the West, a certain mindset and system of belief is already so well ingrained that it has become almost omniscient. Acquiring the tools to work with this is, as noted, blocked by social disapproval and financial shortfall. Plus it’s a lot of goddamn work. I’m 30 years old and just finished my PhD, representing 12 years of higher education, thousands of dollars, countless hours of work, and so on. This is also why they’ve jacked the price of college through the roof and made it so inaccessible for people who just cannot make that kind of commitment. I’ve worked my ass off, for sure, but I also had support systems that not everyone does. I can’t say I got here All On My Own ™, that enduring myth of pulling yourselves up by your bootstraps. I know I didn’t. I had a lot of help, and again, a lot of people don’t. The academy is weird and cliquish and underpaid as a career. Why would you do that?

I wish I had more overall answers for you about how to fix this. I think about this a lot. I’ll just have to go back to doing what I can, as should we all, since that is really all that is ultimately in our control.