#yes I am neurodivergent how could you tell

[raetreaderarts]

hi I just finished psycho-pass season 1 and I am completely inconsolable! what the fuck!

[hoverboards-and-dragons]

What song do you think would be the Forbidden Fruits “anthem” so to speak?

Interesting question! I don't think I really have one that plays into all the aspects I like

I can talk about some inspirations if that helps

Edit: holy shit this got long hey Anon uh, hope- hope this is somehow what you were looking for lol

You're in the Band is where a lot of Eve's character came from, mostly the mix of her motherly and rebel traits,

as well as Stick It to the Man and its reprise, with the idea of three Biblical villains coming together after being stuck with the ridiculous and impossible task of fighting God and empowering each other to be more than just a speed bump, to inspire hope of reclaiming justice for themselves when they only existed in stories to be crushed by those unimaginable odds

Only with the power of friendship and teamwork can God be killed is what i think the point of forbidden fruits is actually (not really its more about resistance than overcoming, whittling out your own little corner for those who can't fit the mould and how what seemed like a hopeless stand can suddenly become possible when you arent doing it alone, and how just maybe thats enough, you don't to be able to overcome them completely, surviving when the world wants you dead is revolutionary and disrupting by itself)

Oh, Symphony by Clean Bandit and I Hear a Symphony - Cody Fry, its all of them about each other, their world was perfect and simple and boring until they found each other and now its messy and broken and beautiful; very especially about Lilith and Eve discovering wlw after being made for Adam, parallels and comparisons with the interspecies part of Lucifer's inhumanity falling for and being loved by the first humans (choices being artificially limited for an agenda, lines being crossed and the discovering of countless hidden possibilities, exploration of the self through forbidden paths etc)

This is a weird one but Won't Be Slain Here by Musiclide, hear me out, this is the eternal debate between Heaven and Hell; This is an extremely complicated and nuanced situation, There are only two sides and to pick one is to declare war on the other

Its in the manipulation, the desperation

They are painted as monsters, they have done monstrous things, they were put in awful situations, Heaven is calm and collected and helpful, it can afford to be, it will abandon you when it can't and hell will be all you have anyway

A different ruler of hell takes each chorus before joining the backing vocals of the next, they all have the same story anyway, the same point to make in different fonts, each one is more aggressive than the last, Heaven refusal to change keeps bring it more and more enemies, and their threat is mounting into something substantial and dangerous as they find each other

Heaven has countless justifications, Hell only has one that gets repeated and layered ad nauseam but is not refuted

[crispycreambacon]

Maybe I am autistic.......

[sandinthepipes]

When you’re neurodivergent everybody loves you because you’re quirky and funny. Until you get too close to someone and start unmasking and become obnoxious.

[the-yearning-astronaut]

.

[merchantofwhispers]

[ me: lets work on Cinead's google doc Me, thirty minutes later: Ah yes, Renowned linguist - Jakob, son of Jakob. ]

[rubberbandballqueen]

i wish there were more weird little girls at work. i keep telling my coworkers "oh yeah i was just like them when i was little hahaha" in regards to excitable boys with impulse issues, but when the other day i was thinking "oh yeah there's Always going to be that one girl hanging out with the guys instead of other girls" i surveyed the room and realized we have never had any such thing, at least while i've been working here. which, granted, has only been two years, but it's still kind of surprising to me

[sh1nsoukoku]

Pls tell me all dazai autism traits in ur list

OMG I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED, yes yes yes…

I want to preface this by saying this is in no means supposed to be canon facts or a diagnosis, I just think he is a very autistic-coded character coming from my own experiences as an autistic adult!

Long post under the cut because I don’t know how to stfu!!!

We will start with my main reasoning:

As we know, Dazai and his ability are based off of the work No Longer Human. Dazai being similar to the main character Yozo. Yozo is a kind of “stand in” for the real life author Osamu Dazai as No Longer Human contains a lot of real events from the author’s life. BSD Dazai and Yozo’s main similarities are the disconnection from others and high masking. Here are two quotes from the book:

“All I feel are the assaults of apprehension and terror at the thought that I am the only one who is entirely unlike the rest. It is almost impossible for me to converse with other people. What should I talk about? How should I say it? - I don’t know.”

This is incredibly similar to the lived experiences of Autistic people. I used to feel like an alien, or just fundamentally different than others. We tend to also struggle with communicating and other social dynamics. Dazai feels isolated from others, let’s very few people close, and searches for meaning by observing other humans and life and death itself. He quotes this as his reason for joining the Mafia. He also processes emotion differently, at odds with people around him.

“I managed to maintain on the surface a smile which never deserted my lips; this was the accommodation I offered to others, a most precarious achievement performed by me only at the cost of excruciating efforts within.”

This is one of the best descriptions I have read of Autistic Masking. Dazai HIGHLY masks. Dazai is known for not showing his true thoughts/feelings/opinions often in BSD. He can code switch easily, serious in one moment and then covering it with his over the top silly/unusual/maniacal personality. In NLH this is described as “clowning.” I also think Dazai’s genius “always according to plan” thing is sometimes a mask, so he doesn’t show the fact that he’s working hard to pull strings and figure things out.

He does have some insane pattern recognition though which is also an autistic attribute!

And now for the more surface level reasons:

Repetitive Behavior/Media Consumption: Dazai reads the same book over and over again. The Ultimate Guide to Suicide is a book he’s had with him since his PM days and he tells Atsushi that he already knows everything it says because he’s read it hundreds of times. A very common autistic trait!

Restricted Diet: Dazai seems to have a limited diet consisting of alcohol and canned crab! It’s a same food/safe food he has often. His room was described to be full of discarded cans of crab and bottles. Limited diets are common in autistic people.

Stimming: Dazai stims! He is a very wiggly and stimmy person. There’s several scenes where he is seen humming and singing or making little silly noises.

Dazai and his headphones are so important to me.. he seems to wear them frequently around the office. It could be noise cancelling or auditory stimulation that he likes.

The man never sits normally on a chair which is something I think a lot of neurodivergent people can relate to.

And of course floor time! Shown by him rolling around when stressed, laying on the rooftop and a few instances in Wan! like the marshmallow scene.

Also you can’t tell me that this is not two burnt out autistics after overworking their brains…

[authenticyuri]

The latest Dungeon Meshi chapter is incredibly good for many reasons but one of them is getting to see Chilchuck's arc and him growing as a character, especially when it comes to his opinion on Laios as a leader and as a friend. I am so interested in breaking down their relationship development (this also doubles as chilaios propaganda btw lmao)

This got extremely long so I'll leave it under the cut <3

At the very start of the manga, and throughout most of the middle, Chilchuck clearly brushes Laios interests and personality off as being weird, just like pretty much every other character, but underneath that is a frustration that comes from him thinking that Laios could stand to be a way better leader than he is. Chilchuck is arguably way more qualified to be a leader in their group, but taking a leadership position is obviously not something he could easily do because of how prejudiced against his race is. In a world where most races see yours as disposable, it must be incredibly frustrating to be hired in a group with a leader who lacks social skills, is very forgetful, and seems to only care about monsters, when you both know you could do a way better job.

Chilchuck has more experience when it comes down to that type of thing, given he organized a union for other halflings, and though he takes out his anger at Laios's naivety when it comes to that area, it's clear he does it out of care and just because he wants to see Laios improve. In dungeon groups, he's always been a follower, he's perfectly comfortable just being there to do his job, and do it well, then leave. He isn't itching for the opportunity to take over Laios's role, but he does want to have the type of leader he can easily rely on.

But because of Laios's inexperience and also brash decision-making, Chil feels responsible for holding him back and being the glue to keep the team together, even though he may not admit it, (something we can clearly see when he chooses to sacrifice himself instead in the dragon fight despite the fact he often tells others he won't be useful in combat, as well as when he chooses to step in for Laios's place when talking with the Canaries).

This is something even Laios has taken notice of, given that he wants Chilchuck to be the one to bring him back to his senses with a lecture right before his confrontation with the winged lion. Out of all the others, he depends on Chilchuck on being able to bring him back with his words.

But anyways, Chilchuck's character arc comes from accepting Laios as a leader and growing fond of his unusual methods of leading rather than frustrated. In the shapeshifter chapter, when it came down to Laios having to differentiate Chil from his doppelganger, you can very much tell he is terrified of having to depend on Laios's judgement. I think it is also made worse by the fact that the shapeshifter is acting exactly like the worst preconceived notions about halflings other races have, and at this point the only thing present in his mind is the possibility that Laios will let him die and be replaced by a stereotype of all things.

And even after Laios explains how he was successfully able to tell his team apart, (which was because of how they interacted with monsters and the dungeon), the others are impressed, but Chilchuck isn't content with just that and hoped that Laios would have known because he finally got to know the others on a deep level that Leaders are just inherently capable of.

But of course, Laios isn't capable of something like that. He isn't a mind reader and he obviously can't distinguish other people's real thoughts or emotions, even if they are fairly obvious. Laios pulled a feat in a way that was accessible and made sense to him, and Chilchuck wasn't swayed because of how atypical it was of leaders to act. (Yes I also read this is a neurodivergent in a neurotypical world conflict).

This hesitance to fully trust in his abilities is also why he advised Laios not to accept becoming a king initially when Yaado asked Laios to. But after Laios defeats Thistle, by using his knowledge on dragons, similarly to how he defeated the shape-shifters, Chilchuck finally starts viewing Laios's unusual problem-solving in a positive light. It's when he first realizes that Laios's obsession with monsters isn't the thing that's holding him back, but a useful asset. His interest and knowledge is what saved them and got them all as far as they have. It makes sense for his development to go from believing Laios could never possibly be a king, to outright encouraging the idea. In his eyes, Laios has already been capable of doing the impossible, and thinks that he should stop underestimating what he's been able to do.

A final point is that Chilchuck has always been able to read Laios like a book, and is aware of what's on his mind a lot of the time, but this used to only cause exasperation and contributed to seeing Laios in a negative light most of the time. However, in the last chapter, he is pretty much the only person who is able to tell that something about Laios seems off. He actually pays attention to Laios as a person and shows concern for his well being. Because he cares about him. Like he's obviously cared about him for a while now but I think this is the first time he's genuinely shown this much concern for any of his friend's mental state. I wanna cry

Anyways conclusion being Chilchuck has not only finally accepted Laios as a leader, but as an incredibly capable individual who he genuinely respects. That’s it thanks for coming to my Ted Talk

[ingo-ingoing-ingone]

A Personal Post

Hi guys, I'm finally making the post I kept telling myself and my best friends I'd make but wanted to put it off until I felt better. That hasn't happened and with how things are going I thought it was best to just post it now.

So for a while, since probably late 2023, I've felt less like my blog is for me, and more like it's some kind of fandom archive. Which, if you use it this way as-is, great! I'm glad my blog could make you happy like that! But that's not what I set out for it to be.

I'm the sort of neurodivergent person who likes to categorize things, including my interests. All my tumblr blogs are specific to one thing, and this one was no exception.

I began tagging things soon after I made the blog because I saw a lot of people were sad about the twins, and I thought "well since I love both sad and happy stuff, and I'm really good about categorizing things, maybe I can try and help!" And according to many, it did help!

But I think that also gave off the impression that I was making this blog for other folks, and that isn't the case. I'm sorry I never clarified. It's not an archive; I do not reblog shipping posts, posts from people I've blocked, AUs I don't click with, and sometimes just not everything I see.

I've gotten popular in the fandom, and for the most part I do, from the bottom of my heart, enjoy it. I have people who care about my hyperfixation! That's amazing! I have people who love my cosplay and want to meet up with me. I've made so many friends of all shapes and sizes and it's probably the most incredible thing I've ever experienced, truth be told.

But yeah my blog being mine has gotten away from me a bit, I think.

I want to keep tagging my submas tags, that isn't going to change. I will tag triggers when asked, unless it's kind of impossible due to the blog's subject (trains, for instance) or a name or really common word (like the word 'head' or something). Other than that please reach out and I'll do my best to remember. But other tags? Those will be up to me. I don't want to tag when OCs show up. I love OCs and like seeing them, and don't want to have to remember that one person who visits my blog doesn't.

I had anon off for a while because honestly ever since making this blog, there have been anons who really made me unhappy. (Also yes, non-anons but that's been fewer and far between). I've gotten misinformation, accusations, horrible and disgusting explicit asks, and criticisms and complaints, and I'm just... Not here for that. Keep the explicit things and misinfo out of my inbox, I am no arbiter of morality or personal decisions, and I am not here for you to share your negative opinions of submas or the fandom.

Anon is on for people who are too self conscious to chat face to face, for people to send fun headcanon ideas (remember when people did that back in 2022 when this blog started? I miss that, it was sweet and wholesome), to share song recommendations... That kind of stuff. If you have an actual problem, please, PLEASE talk to me off anon, whether that be DMs or a non-anon ask that I can answer privately. Especially if we're friends; please, please just talk to me about stuff. I don't bite! I swear!

But yeah the bottom line is I'm here to participate in fun (and sometimes heartbreaking!) fandom stuff. I'm here for FUN, not as my job. I know that we're all a bunch of neurodivergent folks and sometimes interactions can be a swing and a miss, but please try to be mindful. Please treat me like a person and not just like a museum curator for this blog.

Truth is, I haven't been okay for a while now. It's gotten worse this year for sure, and due to life stuff I cannot see things feeling better for me for some time. I need to go day by day for a lot of things, and I am trying to get better about needing to set boundaries and all that sort of thing. I suffer from intense paranoia too, and having so many eyes on me is genuinely terrifying at times. I'm trying to manage that as best I can, but I do ask that folks be kind.

NO I am not going anywhere, my blog is staying and will continue on as normal, but I really, really needed to get this posted.

Please continue to interact with me and chat and everything like that! But also please remember to treat this space, my blog, as my space. Thanks for reading!

[olderthannetfic]

I just got a comment saying I should have tagged for dom/sub undertones and I'm a little confused. In canon, this guy always bosses his wife around re: doing shit that's healthy for her - napping, drinking water, remembering to eat more than once a day, getting more than 3 hours of sleep - and she lovingly calls him "Boss Man" as a nickname because of it. On some occasions where she's gone more than a day without eating he'll swipe her phone and order her to eat before she gets it back, something she always seems to find endearing. There's a lot of 'I didn't mean to worry you', 'you're worth worrying about, now here's your favorite homemade walnut bread' stuff, all there in canon, just lifted from canon and transplanted into my fic.

Is this dom/sub stuff? I'm aroace so I've never been in a relationship, but I assumed "take care of yourself" "I will but I will call you a silly nickname over it" was regular relationship stuff. Or is it that the frequency of it makes it dom/sub stuff, and I'm just not grasping that because my neurodivergency is making me not read the social cues correctly? I was only recently diagnosed but this has been a problem for a long time, the whole line between normal and abnormal behavior, so I thought I'd ask you. You're much more well-read than I am and know a lot more about shipping dynamics and how they're tagged. I feel like you're an expert whose opinion carries a lot of conclusions-informed-by-knowledge and so your take could help me figure this out.

People who are doms or subs or write them, if you have a guide on this stuff, that'd be cool, too. I want to educate myself more so I know if I should tag something. After all, I can't get my story to people who want to read it if it doesn't show up in the tags they're searching for. Readers aren't mindreaders. It's on me to make sure they can get ahold of the things they're looking for. I just need to work around my own ADHD-addled brain to do it.

--

I think this is the usual pattern of demanding silly tags that would only make sense in that reader's own bookmarks.

Yes, caretaking and food control of various kinds can be a part of BDSM. No, your description of canon does not make it sound like this has obvious undertones.

Readers are going to have different interpretations. It's possible that other readers would agree with this one. I have my doubts. I suspect they're projecting. But sure, maybe other people would think there was some of that vibe.

However, if you did not intend the fic to read this way, I would not add the tag. This is not what the fic is about.

--

As for what this kind of thing can look like when it is intended as a dom/sub activity, the movie Secretary has a bunch of examples. She calls him on the phone to tell him what her family's dinner looks like that night; he gives her instructions about which things she can eat how much of. The way she acts while making that phone call makes it clear it's an exciting game to her. Another time, he tells her she's not allowed to cut herself anymore: he will provide what she needs.

Even if the characters are being playful, just nagging someone to do basic self care doesn't really come across as this. It's more charged when it's an intentional power exchange thing.

It's more like... hmm... if you and a friend agreed to LARP as characters for a day. Even if you were acting fairly normal and doing things you'd often do anyway, there would be this added extra vibe to it that someone who knew you well could probably detect.

It's not so much about the specific behaviors: it's about the extra meaning those people ascribe to them. If it doesn't seem like the canon characters think of this caretaking any specific way and you, as the fic author, don't see it that way, then I don't think it will generally read as a dom/sub thing to most readers.

[cain-speaks]

LMK Season 5 Animation Analysis

basically just me rambling about how i feel about the animation. i'm not going to talk about plot but i tagged spoilers just in case :3

First, to put it bluntly:

No, I do not like the look of season 5. The movement of the characters is regularly stiff and slow, the character proportions are odd, lines are oddly angled instead of smooth (like the monkey tails), you can tell they're still adjusting to how LMK does character lighting, and it's not as flashy and fun in my opinion. I think some of the sound design was a little weird this season, too (in EP3, Wukong busting a giant hole in the wall makes like no noise? Just seems weird to me). The space cracks are oddly... solid, if that makes sense? In season 4 they appeared much more delicate, while in this season they're, in a way, heavy? Also, this is certainly a personal irk, but the blended style for the tears? Not a fan. I could be misremembering, but Flying Bark made them crisp.

Having said that, it's not nearly as bad as I (and others, I imagine) thought it would have looked, judging from the trailer. Part of this is probably because they reused a lot of animation from previous seasons; which, by the way, isn't bad, it saves time and I'm sure it's a lifesaver while they're learning. It's just... obvious. Very obvious, especially because you can tell they did it more this season than Flying Bark did.

I've watched some clips from Carmen Sandiego because I think it's one of Wild Brain's most recent shows, and I think you can see the similarities. I didn't watch a lot, but it seems to me that characters are less expressive with their body language and more stagnant. They also don't seem to be super facially expressive to me, but like I said, I didn't watch a lot. Now, Carmen is a beautifully animated show! But it's different. And different's not bad, it's just... hard. Unsatisfying and disappointing, currently. Flying Bark's style, in my opinion, had the characters constantly moving. Whether it was a tail twitching, a position shift, a little expression in the background, they were moving. And they moved fluently and quickly. It really made the characters feel alive. I THINK it's also a different between puppet animation and frame-by-frame animation but don't quote me on that.

ANYWAY all of that is to say that yes, there are visible differences and they're upsetting. I hold LMK very near and dear to my heart as I'm sure many of us do, so as thrilled as I am to have season 5, it does hurt a bit.

HOWEVER.

Wild Brain isn't responsible for that. Flying Bark had a learning curve just in season 1 vs season 2. We have to give the new studio TIME to grow and adapt to the style. It's really unfortunate because now we have what feels like a very crudely animated season that I just know would have been better with the style we all know and love, but hopefully there will be more seasons, they'll get better, and we'll realize that this is just a blip in our hopefully long lives.

And to the neurodivergents: you are valid, we are valid. God knows I loathe change. I was really hoping the studio change was just a misunderstanding, but unfortunately it's not. LMK's visual aspect is important. If you decide to leave the show behind, that's okay! If you don't, welcome to the ship I'm trying to keep afloat!

Back to everybody now. Your decision is yours; don't let others make you feel bad about leaving or sticking with the show and most DEFINITELY do not lash out at the studio, because istg if the show gets cancelled from backlash I'll jump off a bridge (/dramatic).

Anyway idk if this is really an analysis. But it's something! Less than 4 days for the english dub, whoop whoop!

[secret-subject]

How does it feel like to be hypnotized?

I find this question to be a hard one to answer. Loaded with subjection and people get very hung up on the details sometimes. It's funny because everyone experiences it differently, we know this. Everyone is different and responds to different things and ways to play with hypnosis. But what I also find interesting is how trance can feel different:

With different people

On different days

At different times

Let me explain.

So lately I've gotten back into listening to files, (recs later if you ask nicely) because after getting on medication for depression back in 2019 it felt weird to be hypnotized myself and I didn't really need it as much as I had previously. Now I've been off those meds for a long time and am now on stuff for my adhd instead so I thought I would give it another try and, it feels very different. Pre-2019 trance for me felt like a mixture of "blacking out" and "being really drunk", everything got really hazy and I would just sort of fade into the void. I've had experiences which felt more like an out of body situation. I dissociated so hard I just wasn't in there anymore for a little while, I had others that were just light and I could easily come up at anytime and chose not to. Because of my general training I was very easy, super suggestible and with the right people a lot of fun apparently. It has never been super consistent and it took years of dedicated practice to be like this. I think a lot of the time when people would see me hypnotized before people would assume that's just how I am, but I've been doing this stuff for years to get any result. Especially in skills like amnesia, body catelepsy, and even getting thoughts out of my brain and basic in and out of trance, getting "deeper" each time. But coming back with a proper diagnosis on my neurodivergence and the right meds changed the feelings I used to have ans has evolved them.

So right now, I've noticed a few things. The trance is less consistent and this is good? It's good because it tells me that well the conditioning is now less "overall brain is getting more sticky" like it would before and now "brain is very much more sticky but only for the ones who put work in or who I listen to a lot". I have a bit of a voice thing and I'm very picky so this works out when now adays I tend to also listen to my hypnosis creators friends work, it's easier and it could also be a rapport thing. I know them so I know that I can trust them to be safe and also I know I can back out when I need to. I've also worked a TON on subject agency since when I was younger I was very much a pushover when it came to hypnosis. Being a dominant full time now for the last three years after my switch era helped with this. I've gotten very good at saying no and highly recommend this is a skill we all learn, even though it can be a hard one to get started with. So yes, I know I can wake up any time (with most people) but I just don't want to. So when I'm listening to files I now notice the different people feel different. Some I find more relaxing, others I find more of that focus depending on what they say and how targeted the audio seems to be at me and my brains working mechanisms. If you tell me to "focus" and "listen" it's like a switch goes off in my brain and I'm there, versus a more permissive, relaxing vibe which tends to take more time to really get to me. This also changes on a day to day basis, but I think it's like compounding conditioning that clearly is building over time with practicing and training to certain voices.

The feeling started as what is very similar to my hyperfocus mode I go into on the daily with my adhd. It's intensely focused to the point where nothing else matters, and sometimes my eyes don't close on their own and almost wait to be told to "drop" or to close them on instinct. I'm very bad at relaxing into trance. I now notice my body flopping (being so relaxed I just flop over somewhere) a bit like it used to but not all the time. Sometimes this feeling is more like I'm frozen in place. I've even dropped into trance holding my phone lately and when I woke up i was still holding it in perfect place or practiced sitting up in trance, it's like a freeze trigger no one had to impliment. I've learned I can be just as "deep" of not "deeper" with my eyes open and in a sort of mid/waking trance state. I also noticed sometimes my eyes do still roll, so that's kind of cute.

Yesterday, I had a really intense trance experience, probably the most intense I've ever had in 12 years of doing this. It was literally seconds of it, the words happened and they hit me, my eyes were open the whole time but super blurred and I couldn't see anything clearly. I just sat there but it literally felt like a giant wave of pressure hit me and I was just in it. This insanely incredible force washed through me and I just went down so fast I didn't have time to think about it and it was just a couple words. It was like being just frozen in time with the pressure encapsulating you and it wouldn't let go. Normally I would have forgotten this (because my memory play is very well trained and I have a brain like a sieve because adhd) but I could remember it clearly, the feeling I mean, the stuff outside of how I felt is very blurry. I don't know or am able to remember what was said to do it, it just was and that was very interesting to know that in my years of doing hypnosis from both sides, that these feelings are still evolving for me.

Anyway, what does trance feel like for you? Does it change for you? And what kind of practice are you doing to get those feelings? I'd love to hear from people!

[mdhwrites]

how do you feel about disability rep in the owl house? Anyway it could've been done better? Cause as someone who is neurodivergent (autism) I felt like Luz's arc had unfortunate implications ('shes literally neurodivergent and a Minor' type vibes and mixed in with the whole fantasy vs reality themes and it came off as telling neurodivergent people to reject reality or like we wouldn't be hindered in the slightest by our disabilities in xyz worlds- which feels gross) but I could be reading into this too much. I also don't like how Hunter lost his 'disability' yeah you can compare it to getting a pacemaker or a mobility aid with his problem not being fixed but made better but that 'pacemaker' came at the cost of his best friend and his whole possession situation felt gratuitous to me. I'm really interested in seeing how Hunter could've been done better if you have any ideas

So I am going to try to be as calm and kind on this subject as I can. I feel like I've let a lot of heat come into my blogs lately that I try not to because I've been in distress. I am actually, legally disabled after all. It is the vast majority of my income, not helped by how randomly my brain will just break and I will have no way to get it to work again. I'm on the brink of another who knows how long run of my brain no longer functioning and am clawing to try and keep it together so I can do SOMETHING besides just ramble in these blogs. So I can keep writing or streaming rather than vanish. So this topic is important to me to put it extremely mildly.

To talk about this with The Owl House we kind of have to talk about each angle it takes on this subject one at a time. Eda and Hunter are two sides of the coin for this representation after all. I know you bring up Luz and yes, nuerodivergence can be disabling but if we want to talk about disability, I don't think Luz is actually a part of the conversation. If she is, it's for the theoretical representation of depression in S3 when she is at her worst as a character. People like to claim trauma and depression for why it's okay that she's constantly lying, or why she tries to abandon an entire world despite admitting it's her fault it's in trouble. She is her absolute worse self in that time and... If that is the rep we get for mental illness, I'll wait another five years. I don't want someone who is entirely apathetic to others and makes excuses for their actions to be the one who represents me, not when I hear that shit from assholes on the news too much already.

We'll start positive and head down from there. Eda actually starts out great. With regular medication and self care, she is able to live a fairly normal life. I have admittedly criticized in the past that there is no cure for the curse, that Eda is a slowly ticking time bomb who only through death will not end up harming all of those around her eventually, but I actually want to rescind that. As a dramatization of the anxiety that especially mental disability brings about of that day when everything breaks, even if it never comes, it works. It's within the confines of the fantasy genre and isn't demonized but sympathized that she has to work so hard to hold this back. But she can and she stands strong despite it, stronger than most in her situation in a way that is inspirational.

Then we get our first slip up with her at the end of S1. In order to find reprieve, to come back from the edge... She shares her disability. Her peace of mind, her ability to be a human being, comes at the cost of another person. I say slip up though because one could argue it's dramatization of the communal help that many disabled people need. I worked as a Home Care Aid at one point for someone in a wheelchair. My own family helps me because I am a complete mess of a person. I do my best to be able to function entirely on my own but when you are literally incapable of being a functional human being... Yeah, help is good. Do I like how high of a cost it comes for Lilith? Not really, nor the fact that she becomes disabled in the same way because some people do think disability and mental illness is contagious but I'm willing to let it slide for the sake of dramatization.

Affearances genuinely course corrects to show the small ways in which Eda deals with her illness not just with medication but also understanding of it. Her need to stay calm, the ways she tries to center herself, all so the medication is more of a stabilizer and last resort. That is genuinely good.

Then... A point I'm torn on. In the episode itself, I do not mind the formation of Harpy Eda. The process of coming to not just deal with but accept your disability is big and hard and you can come out the other side feeling like a new person. One could even see the Harpy form like that and even the deals we make with our disability to let ourselves do more like in Eclipse Lake. I'll even retract old heat I gave this for implying your disability can be a superpower because it fits within the genres of fantasy. I will even admit part of this kindness comes from writing this myself and realizing that it's just more fun and exciting to let the disability have upsides to it rather than treat it as purely debilitating.

No, my bigger issue comes from the fact that it is the end of it as a disability. Eda is essentially cured besides some lip service and if they were going to go that route, they should have just said it. In the finale, she loses to the curse in a deeper way than we have EVER seen before... And then freed from it like it's just a snap of her fingers. Harpy Eda is literally just a super form, not her having to genuinely deal with the illness, especially as it just becomes the way she fights. I do approve of the idea of showing that you CAN get better from this stuff, some people do, but it makes me wish they'd just said that. Just admitted that her coming to accept it was the final step. Would that have been realistic? No but I've showcased how many times already how much this rep relies on dramatization? Give us the feel good ending of Eda having mastered it, explicitly, instead of just letting it be up in the air and used for cheap drama in the finale. That makes the whole thing feel almost exploitative because if I lose it like Eda lost it in the finale... I can't just turn that off. I get to be terrified and shaken and have that day firmly implanted into my mind for the rest of my life. For the show, it was shock value instead and I'm not okay with that.

Speaking of things I'm not okay with, let's talk about the other side of this coin: Hunter. Now remember that I was willing to give grace to some elements... Except now they're reinforced by a second character sometimes and that makes it a lot harder to shrug off. We'll get there when we get to Flapjack though.

No, where I actually want to start with for him isn't even that he has a disability, it's actually with Willow. She tries to make it out like being a late bloomer is the same as NEVER being able to do this. Like telling a paraplegic person you understand their pain because you had a cast once. I've had someone go "Yeah, it's hard for me to get out of bed too but I always manage it," while trying to motivate me to just power through anxiety that was LITERALLY CHOKING ME and I wanted to punch them in the face. And this is the start of your ROMANCE PLOT. The core thing that tells the audience that these two are going to get close and get together.

In one scene, it becomes SUPER clear that there is no one on this writing team that actually understands what the fuck it means to be disabled. The nice portion of the blog is over.

Okay, let's actually pull back. I will give Hunter this: In his early scenes, he genuinely comes across as someone who has adapted to his physical disability and the limitations of it. His staff is his aid device and he makes up for lack of magic with increased athleticism. He is by all means, the most dextrous person we see in the entire show and genuinely, the show never takes that away from him. It's also just really easy to forget because the show doesn't exactly give a lot of chances for it to shine, not while it's mostly shitting on him or having the trained soldier lose to others, if he even seems much more physically capable than those around him at all.

But hey, how about first that aid device! We do recognize Luz takes his crutch, right? Like his staff is what takes away his handicap versus the rest of the Isles. That helps him overcome the limitations of his physical disability and an entire episode has the main character steal it from him and blackmail him with it. He is mildly annoyed about this for the entire episode, almost like not having the way that helps him feel normal doesn't mean much to him. It'd be like if in Affearances, Eda didn't get mad at her mom for taking her elixir because her elixir is the equivalent to Hunter's staff. Gwyndolen is demonized for this action while we're supposed to be on Luz's side because Hunter is a bad man who will do bad things if allowed his staff back. That... That isn't okay to me.

Btw, this isn't even the only time this happens in the show. Belos asks Luz to call him Philip. She calls him Belos. The show is really all for just being entirely disrespectful to someone's identity and personhood so long as you are morally better than them. What the fuck?

For the rest of S2, there's a really, REALLY bad flaw with having Huntlow be his ship. EVERY single one of Willow's episodes to some extent features how being a late bloomer, having struggled/struggling with magic, makes her feel like an outcast. That despite the fact that really she just wasn't great at this skill, she gets a lot of dramatic weight to this. Hunter... Doesn't. His disability is almost entirely ignored to prioritize the fact that he's a Grimmwalker or his relationship with Belos. It is just not a part of his character despite the girl he is blushing at explicitly making it clear that this society ABSOLUTELY looks down on Hunter. That not having magic makes you be less than anyone else. Hell, we get more of this from EDA AND LILITH in the first episode of S2 than we ever get from Hunter. The prejudice they are treated with and their struggles to deal with it while Hunter is at best all subtext.

This admittedly starts getting into how this show fucking hates men and how they are almost all at some point a joke, villain or both in their time. So... Yeah, Hunter not being given respect for his disability while the women are is hardly surprising.

The big thing that shatters EVERYTHING is of course Flapjack's sacrifice. You remember how I had to kind of work around how to make Eda making someone else disabled okay? Well now we have a second time where a disabled character is 'cured' to some extent of their disability... By the suffering of someone close to them. This time with literal death.

One of the worst prejudices that disabled people, of any sort but especially mentally disabled/ill people, have to face is that we are burdens and menaces to society. That we are more prone to hurting people than regularly abled people. That there is a price to having us around that everyone would not have to pay otherwise. If there is one thing you CANNOT do with your disability allegory, it is to make the disability cost someone else their life, figuratively or literally, unless you REALLY plan to examine what the fuck that means. TOH does both, once with Flapjack and once with Lilith respectively.

In order to be 'normal', it literally costs Hunter the life of his best friend. In order to be saved from the extremes of her illness, Eda cripples her sister. What the fuck are you supposed to take away from that? And there is no way to square this with it just being a fantastical representation of something. It's not just making the consequences of disability more extreme or reflecting the shared burden that can sometimes be our existence and our need for support. Being cured should be joyous. Instead, it's melancholic, not for the grief of your existence inherently changing, Hunter is meant to purely celebrate that he now has magic, but because it came at extreme cost to other people.

In that one moment, paired with Lilith, I can't approve of TOH as disabled representation. There is no way for me to ever square it, just like how Luz using depression as an excuse to be the worst version of herself makes me not okay with her as nuerodivergent representation. Not when it doesn't explore this stuff and even tries to celebrate and say this is correct, since Luz is never criticized for her awful behavior during her angst arc and Hunter is made out to be better without his disability, no matter the cost.

I am fine if you don't want to show clean or nice representation of these things. Not all disabled people are nice. Not all nuerodivergent people are functional. There is a wide spectrum to our experiences but to take the worst elements of your representation and give them the most narrative weight is BAD. Even Eda suffers from this. Her taking care of herself is mostly in passing. Way more weight is given to Eda not being able to take care of herself. To how missing her medication by even an hour makes her a danger to everyone around her, or even susceptible to manipulation like when King uses her transforming 80% into the Owl Beast. Suddenly, the fact that she manages her condition like many disabled people do feels really overshadowed by the constant reminders, and literal showings, of the danger she poses to those she cares about most. The cost of allowing us to continue to participate in society, the damage we do to others, the harm that comes from a bad day from us, is so much harder to ignore when those are the elements that your work decides to focus on. It especially sucks because it hardly focuses on the pain and incapability of the condition, just the danger. It's all about what it will do to others and not the agony it inflicts on the person who has it.

TOH is bad with almost all of its themes and attempts to be progressive and this is no different. See you next tale.

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I am going to assume that it's the same person who sent me essentially a variation of this ask like five times. If you are that worried about me responding, the Discord is where you will get a MUCH faster response, especially since I am kind of trying to pull back from TOH criticism. It has been genuinely kind of nice to talk about other things recently.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[stardusthuntress]

Concealed in a Touch

Tech x gn!reader (I’m trying to learn how to write this! Let me know if it’s bad or needs fixing!) 

Word Count: ~1k, ~3 pgs 

TW/Summary: reader is sorta depressed/anxious and reader’s love language is touch, and they are, as the title implies, touch starved! I guess you could call it a hurt-comfort fic? 

dividers by: @/saradika

You seemed off again. Tech wished he knew what to do. 

His mind suddenly raced backwards, dragging him back to all those moments when you comforted him with a touch on his arm or a hug or holding his hand. When it returned him to the present it suddenly it hit him. Your love language is touch. His is gift-giving and simply being there together, parallel play as it’s called in the neurodivergent world! But you needed physical contact. It wasn’t his forte, but he’d gladly do it for you, because you needed it. 

Tech snapped back into the moment and into motion. His datapad that had been in his hand was tossed haphazardly onto the workbench in front of him and with one hand he spun you towards him. Then, he used his hands on your arms and back to propel you into his chest. 

For a moment you cling to him tightly and he wished he’d realized this sooner. 

But then you startled and pulled back looking at him with concern in your eyes, “But… you don’t like touch,” you mumbled. 

“Were you going to go without something you need because you thought it bothered me?” He asked, genuinely concerned. 

“I don’t want to ask for something you don’t like. That’s not very nice. I can’t ask you to change for me, then I’m making you into something you’re not.” Your voice was barely more than a self-conscious mumble when it came out. 

“I am not changing into something that I am not, I am learning you.” He whispered and hugged tighter. “I love you.” 

He could tell you were holding back. “It is ok to need something. And it is ok to ask for it even if you are not sure if I will like it. I will always strive to find a way to make us both happy.” 

There was no holding back anymore, you burst into tears on his shoulder. He could hear her mumbling ‘thank you’ into his shoulder over and over again. Until it was replaced by sobs as you just cried. 

“I did not know you needed it this much,” his voice was muffled by your hair. 

“Neither did I. I’m sorry,” you sputtered between gasps, trying to calm down. 

“Do not be sorry. Let us find a way to make this work for both of us. Yes?” 

You nodded, still sniffling. 

“You have always liked it when I put you in my lap when I need your hands on a project, yes?” 

You shyly nodded. 

“From now on, I shall do that more often. I shall also sit in contact with you at mealtimes, and perhaps when we are simply working in the same room I can bring you into my lap then too.” 

“I wouldn’t want to get in your way!” Your nerves returned when you spoke up on this one, he noted. 

“Having you in my lap is not in my way. You are important to me.” He watched you shyly smile at the floor, his mind still whirring to find more things. “And if you need contact and I have not given it, please do not hesitate to… umm… snuggle into me, shall we say?” 

He felt you smile against his blacks and nod, but your calming patterns were still interspersed with gasping breaths. So he just held you for a while. 

He saw you dissociating again and gently, but quickly tugged you into his lap. Wrapping his arms around you to prove that he could indeed continue to work with you in his lap. As though it was he who needed you there, instead of the other way around. 

For a moment you both worked in a peaceful silence. 

You felt surges of gratefulness threatening to make you cry again, never having thought this was an option, you were so grateful for the love Tech found ways to show you. The grateful feelings wanted to spill from you again, trying to run down your cheeks. But you wanted to focus on the warmth of Tech instead. So you curled into him. 

Out of the corner of his eye he could see your legs shifting nervously, searching for something to wind around to ground you. So he took a moment to encourage you to loosen them enough to let them dangle over his knee and wrap around his own. Then, returning to work, just like he’s promised he would. 

As you calmed down, the tightness with which your legs wrapped around his loosened. 

Tech smiled, this was working out better than he expected. He had not anticipated being able to use the way in which you touched him to allow him additional insights into how you are feeling. Perhaps touch was more important to him than he realized. There was so much information concealed in a single touch from you, it made him smile.

Hunter still needed that thing fixed. Tech was usually done with small, almost menial tasks like this by now. Hunter went to find him to see how it was going. 

But what he found was not what he expected to find, but it washed all his concerns away. 

Tech was sitting in his pilots seat. Project spilling from Gonky onto the dash and still occupying space in his hands. But his lap, the usual space for projects, was otherwise occupied. Tech’s love sat curled in his lap, head on his shoulder. By the slow, methodical breaths Hunter could tell they were asleep. 

It appeared that Tech was still successfully working around his partner in his arms, content to keep them there and prove they were not in his way. 

But at the moment, Tech was clearly deep in thought, focused on the quiet sleeper. 

As Hunter watched from the shadows, Tech shifted his project to one hand and placed it atop Gonky. Slowly, doing his best not to wake them, Tech’s hands moved to the hip and hair of the loving partner curled into him, and he pressed a long kiss on their forehead. 

Maybe Hunter didn’t need that fixed right away. It could wait. Tech was working on something far more important right now anyway. 

Please don’t steal my work! I pour my heart into these so if you like it please reblog to share instead of reposting it! And NO dropping it into an AI to finish it for me! That’s stealing my work and feeding it to an AI without my consent. It is not okay to give an AI something you didn’t write yourself! 

taglist: @bambambunny @cw80831

[hellbentrapture]

It is unfathomable to me that Gale of Waterdeep is considered somehow the most annoying character. Like, bitch, I'm sorry? Astarion? Shadowheart??? Hello???? All of the characters are annoying in Act I - that's half the point: we're all wearing our masks of survival, all traumatized and fighting our demons (or in many cases, gods). None of us actually know each other. The most "annoying" traits melt away as we get to know each other (in one way or another). *Gasp* Kind of like real life? How that happens and with who depends on your playthrough.

I found Gale's charm similar in style to Wyll's, just characterized differently - they both have a way with words at least! All Gale has is his magic, he places all of his self worth into that, what would we call it? Special interest? And on top of this, Mystra, the literal Goddess of Magic, uses and manipulates Gale as she pleases. How are any of Gale's ambitions or traits out place as compared to any of the others? He's not the only one in an unfair (arguably abusive) relationship, with trauma, with insecurities and deep rooted issues. And he's certainly not the quirkiest one there.

So how is the neurodivergent-coded chronically ill wizard the most annoying? How is it "good" that blowing himself up is his best ending?? Blowing himself up because Mystra tells him to, rather than what he could become as an individual. He is worth more than just being a pawn for a god.

Is he annoying because he requires magical items to manage his chronic illness - and yes, I am going to keep calling it that. I know he got it via his own hubris blablabla, moving on. But friends, companions, you don't need that ring of color spray. You will not use half of those items, and you can make gold easily with what you do sell. Gale cannot simply be called annoying because he consumes magical items.

As a neurodivergent, chronically ill, disabled persons, I live in constant fear of being considered too "annoying" and "too much" and someone who should be discarded by society or those with the power.

Gale is not flawless either, he has a lot to work on, I'm not ignoring that. But damn y'all...