#yes THREE versions.. which one do ya think is the coolest?

[sillypicklz]

SANS AND PAPYRUS UNDERTALE MEET FRYE SPLATOON??

no way...

team skeleton is so cool.... they should win

[frenchibi]

top 5 books

Hello friend!!!! This is areally really tough question bc I read so many different genres and have SOMANY FAVORITES so I’m going to cheat a little bit… I’ll give you Top3 or 4 (I have no impulse control) for several genres so you’ll get more than 5total but not like.. an inordinate number of books, ok? xD (Who am I kidding I’mgoing off the rails, no apologies)

Fantasy

The Name of the Wind(Kingkiller Chronicles Book 1) and sequel(s) by Patrick Rothfuss. Has beentalked about loads in fantasy circles and I have nothing to add other than“this is the best fantasy book I have ever read, and probably in the top 3 ofbest books I have ever read, period.” The style blew me a way, the characters are fantastic, the system of magic/power in this world is the coolest I have EVER SEEN and… yeah. I’m invested.

Howl’s Moving Castleand sequel(s) by Diana Wynne Jones. Y’all remember the ghibli movie? This isthe book this is based on and it is way, way better than the already fantasticmovie. It is ridiculously charming and witty and lovely and I recommendeveryone read it. You will not regret it. This is my ultimate comfort book, if that makes any sense.

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett – a hilarious bookabout the apocalypse with absolutely amazing characters and incredible styleand wit. We’re getting a TV series this year and I am beyond stoked. Pleaseread this. It’s… just… yes. British fantasy is SO GOOD.

Honorable mention: Die Stadt der TräumendenBücher by Walter Moers. Theremight be an English translation of this, but honestly I only recommend you readthis if you can read it in its original German – I’m not gatekeeping, it’s justthat so much of its brilliance relies on in-depth knowledge about German culture,history and language and it’s inevitably gonna lose that in translation. It’sone of my absolute favorite books ever and it pains me I can’t share this withmy English-speaking friends :/

YA

The Knife of Never Letting Go (Chaos Walking Book 1) by Patrick Ness. It’shands down the coolest YA book I have ever read and it doesn’t even… feel likeYA at all, more like sci-fi? It could just as easily have gone in the “experimental”category and I don’t wanna give too much away but… the typeface of this book ispart of its charm? Different characters have different fonts and shit? Definitelyread a physical copy of this. Also, the narrator is illiterate so he writeswords by sounding them out – and I know that sounds like that would bedistracting but trust me it’s fantastic??? Please please PLEASE give this atry.

The Watchmaker of Filigree Street by Natasha Pulley. Y’all want a good queerstory that’s not romance-heavy but instead has intricate worldbuilding and really cool magic? Pleaseread this, you will not be disappointed. This is a more “adult” version of YoungAdult Fiction and I absolutely love it.

A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab. Is this fantasy, actually? Probably. Does it haveissues? Yes. Is it still a very fun ride with a cool magic/power system? HELLYES. Also the characters are a bit older, which works very well. It’s like YAafter you’ve kind of outgrown YA.

Murder/Mystery

The Strings of Murder (& sequels in the “Frey & McGray” series) by Oscar de Muriel –listen, the main character is a little SHIT and that’s absolutely fine? Themysteries are kind of convoluted but not in a distracting way, it’s just a funseries with fun characters that I really enjoyed!

The Seven Dials Mystery by Agatha Christie (and honestly pretty much everything she has everwritten) – I have nothing to say about Agatha Christie that has not been saidbefore :’D

Phantom bySusan Kay. Now this is kind of also a drama and it’s been a while since I’veread it so idk how well it fits into the murder/mystery category but it’s aboutthe Phantom of the Opera before he became the actual Phantom (or rather, thepath to how he became the Phantom), and I have endless love for this verydramatic and mysterious and misunderstood character so… yeah :D

Collections of Short Stories

Topics About Which I Know Nothing by Patrick Ness. Yes, this is the author of “ChaosWalking” (see above), and this is a collection of a VAST variety of shortstories he has written, all of which are insanely creative and so, so fun??This man has an insane imagination and I love it, instant recommendation toanyone honestly.

Dear Life byAlice Munro – another one that I read a while ago and don’t remember that muchabout, but I remember absolutely loving this book, and that it’s one of thebooks that made me want to read more short story collections :D

The Refugeesby Viet Thanh Nguyen – an interesting bit of perspective, this book centersaround different characters who are Vietnamese or of Vietnamese descent in theUnited States. I loved how eye-opening it was tbh?? I love reading books byauthors from cultures vastly different from my own and this was wonderful.

Poetry/Experimental

Milk and Honey / The Sun and Her Flowers by Rupi Kaur – two collections of very personaland touching modern formless poetry that honestly blew me away. I’m not a bigfan of classic poetry, or poetry in general, but these two books are justincredible.

Good morning, Good night by Lin-Manuel Miranda – a collection of Lin’s “good morning”/ “goodnight” tweets that, idk, give me hope for humanity? Ideal for perusing if youneed cheering up and just an all-round wholesome book to own.

Ella Minnow Pea by Mark Dunn – a “novel without letters” I wouldn’t know where to placeexcept under “experimental” because its premise is basically… an island thatslowly bans more and more letters from everyday use? It’s told in the form ofletters between the characters and it’s just… such a FEAT of writing, the waythe author forces his characters (and himself) to get by with fewer and fewerletters of the alphabet? Fascinating, from a writer’s perspective, and anabsolute recommendation!!!

Sleeping Giants (Book 1 of the Themis Files) by Sylvain Neuvel. This is a sci-fi book,but it’s under “experimental” because, well – it’s told through interviews. Iwas a little confused/put off in the beginning by this style, but the jaw-droppingstory pulled me in and hooked me. It’s a sci-fi EPIC… don’t get too attached toanyone because the apocalypse is coming for them all - and you’ll be at theedge of your goddamn seat. This is a fantastic series.

Drama

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. Honestly, anything by Khaled Hosseini, unsurpassedauthor of dramas that will rip your heart to shreds, and you’ll never be thesame after reading them.

Everything I never told you by Celeste Ng. This is one of those books that will never leave you afteryou’ve read it. It starts with “Lydia is dead. But they don’t know this yet.” –unravelling the mystery and consequences of the death of a Chinese-Americanfamily’s teenage daughter in gut-wrenching detail. A family story that willleave you sobbing on the floor but also filled with such profound hope forhumanity – I don’t even know. This book eviscerated me.

Homegoing byYaa Gyasi – the story of two sisters, one a slave and the other a slave-owner’swife, and their descendants. A family history of choices and consequence thatis… raw and personal and a very, very important book.

Home Fire byKamila Shamsie. The story of a British-Pakistani family – more specifically,the story of three children whose father was a terrorist. I am weak for familystories, and this one is politically charged and relevant and gut-wrenching aswell.

Novels/Fiction

The Hours byMichael Cunningham. The first book I read in a stream-of-consciousness style,and I still really enjoy the plot of it, too: The story follows three women;Virginia Woolf writing a novel in the 1920s, a woman reading this novel in the40s, and a woman basically living the plot of this novel in the 90s. It’sfascinating, really? I highly recommend it.

The History of Bees by Maja Lunde. Another story told in three time periods – a man whoinvents a new type of beehive for beekeepers in the 1800s, a beekeeper whosebees are dying in approximately present day, and a woman 100 years in thefuture who pollinates plants by hand because all the bees have vanished. It’s…fascinating, again, and a really good story. I also feel like it was quiteeducational? I enjoyed it a lot.

Small Great Things by Jodi Picoult. Technically this is a drama too (but shh) – it followsa black delivery nurse who is charged with a serious crime after an incidentinvolving the baby of a White Supremacist couple. It’s an explosive topic butit’s handled with a lot of nuance? Reading this book will frustrate you greatly,but I think it’s… idk, important? It shook me.

Eyrie by TimWinton. I have never seen depression portrayed more accurately than in thisbook. I was highlighting passages on almost every page – also the style ispretty cool? Snappy? Sharp? I’m not good at describing it but… yeah this leftan impact.

Non-Fiction (listen I knowthese are all by youtubers but hear me out)

So Much I want to Tell You by Anna Akana – letters written by Anna to her sister, who committedsuicide when she was 13. It’s raw and personal and important, stories aboutpersonal growth and lessons learned, about grief and regret and moving on. Irecommend this 100%.

Secrets For The Mad by Dodie Clark. A collection of charming stories and anecdotes and songlyrics and doodles – a book that reads like what watching dodie’s music videos andvlogs feels like. Safe and soft and personal. I love this.

Doing It byHannah Witton – a book about sex education that honestly everyone should read.Hannah blazes through taboos like they’re nothing more than hot air – as theyshould be. (Also, watch her videos.)

Bonus

The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho. I don’t even know what category to put this in? It reads like a fable and it is just... so beautiful and enchanting. Please read it, you will not be disappointed. It’s a story of chasing your dreams and self-discovery and it’s... just wonderful.

-

Did I make this entire listas a means of procrastination? Yes. Am I sorry? No.

Listen I have been wantingto blog about books for the LONGEST TIME but I never took the time to because…idk, I am not involved with the book reviewer community on any platform andhonestly I’m intimidated? But I do have a lot of Thoughts so if you’ve read anyof these and want to yell about them with/at me please dm me??? Or send me anask if you want to hear more detailed opinions about any of these from me????

…yeah. Thank you for this question,man. I love books.

Send me “top 5″ of anything and I’ll respond with my favorites!!!

[sauntering-down]

alright, like three people wanted to read this and that’s more than enough for my attention-seeking ass, so here you go: Music Maniacs, written by my brother and i when i was... idk, 9?  10?  it’s absolute hot garbage and i think it has real charm.  enjoy.

(for the record, Lando is my brother’s character, Kelley is mine, and Suzie and Mitzi were our cousins Brienne and Paige, respectively.)

Scene 1: Lando is playing with Star Wars toys, and Mitzi is reading a book. Suzie and Kelley enter from left stage.

Suzie: Backstreet Boys are awesome!

Kelley: N’SYNC is cooler.

Lando: Girls, stop arguing!  Both are cool.  Just listen to them one at a time.

Kelley: Okay.  We’ll listen to mine first.

Suzie: Whatever.

Lando: Will you two stop arguing for the last time?

Mitzi: Yeah, cut it out.

Lando: Mitzi, you stay out of this.

(Offstage voice yells “Children, go to bed!) (Kids exit stage right.)

[if you’re short on time, no need to keep reading.  the first scene is basically repeated nine more times with slightly different dialogue.  that’s the entire “““play”””.  i also love how we included actual stage directions, as if we intended to perform this somewhere besides our living room.]

Scene 2: Lando is reading a Star Wars book, and Mitzi is asleep. Suzie and Kelley enter from left stage, arguing.

Lando: Are you girls arguing again?

Suzie: I don’t think N’SYNC is cool at all.

Kelley: Well, Backstreet Boys are dumb.

Lando: If you girls are going to argue all day, go do it in your own room!

Suzie: We can’t.  Mitzi is still asleep.

Mitzi: No I’m not!

Lando: Now go in your own room!

Kelley: Forget it!

[Lando’s pretty bossy, but when you consider he constantly has to listen to his brainless sisters argue which late-90s boy band is better, it’s kind of understandable.]

Scene 3: Lando is playing chess, and Mitzi is reading ABC. Suzie and Kelley enter from left stage.

Lando: I hope those two aren’t arguing again.

Mitzi: Yeah.

Suzie: Aqua is stupid.

Kelley: Well, Backstreet Boys stink and so do you.

Lando: You girls just don’t know when to quit.  And Kelley, watch your mouth!

Kelley: Well, she does.

Suzie: Well, you’re just a little weirdo with delusions of glory!

Lando: Oh, man.

[i’m not sure why we thought ‘you stink’ was so offensive, considering my brother and i listened to a George Carlin tape as wee innocent kiddos.  and that ‘weirdo with delusions of glory’ line was definitely my brother’s work; i didn’t even know what it meant.]

Scene 4: Lando is having a drink, and Mitzi is reading is playing with stuffed animals. Suzie and Kelley enter.

Mitzi: Why do they always argue?

Lando: They can’t agree whether N’SYNC, Aqua, or Backstreet Boys is the coolest music group of them all.

Kelley: I hate Backstreet Boys.  Aqua is cool.

Suzie: Aqua is stupid.  So is N’SYNC.  And so are you.

Lando: You too, Suzie, need to learn to watch your mouth.

Mitzi: I think N’SYNC is the coolest.

Lando: Mitzi, I thought I told you to stay out of this.

Suzie & Kelley: Yeah!

Kelley: I like Shania Twain.

Suzie: Shania Twain is okay.

Kelley: But Backstreet Boys are still dumb.

Lando: Watch your mouth!

Suzie, Kelley & Mitzi: We don’t have to listen to you!

Lando: Oh yeah!?

[i WISH i could describe the ridiculous wannabe-tough-guy tone of voice my brother used for that last line.  it was hilarious.  for the record, i don’t know if Mitzi’s supposed to be reading or playing with stuffed animals... the original copy of the play is long gone, so we reproduced it from memory about ten years ago.]

Scene 5: Lando is playing with his SSD.  Kelley is at her computer writing a letter, and Mitzi is dancing to music. Suzie enters from left stage.

Lando: Well, well, well!  If it isn’t the Music Maniacs!

Suzie: Uh-oh.  It’s Kelley.

Kelley: Don’t bother me.  I’m writing a celebrity letter.

Suzie: To who?  The Squirtle Squad?

Kelley: No, to N’SYNC.

Suzie: N’SYNC is stupid.

Lando: Do I have to listen to this again?

(Offstage voice yells “Go to bed now!”)

[hey, a title drop!  wild.  SSD is short for Super Star Destroyer - one of my brother’s toys.  i have no idea how we were going to have an offstage voice yelling at us to go to bed all the time... tape recorder, maybe.]

Scene 6: There are 3 blankets and 3 pillows on the floor. All lights go out.

Kelley (holding a flashlight.) I hate Backstreet Boys.

Suzie: Shut up.

Lando: You watch your mouth!  And don’t forget you two, you have a meeting to go to tomorrow.

Suzie: What meeting?

Lando: Remember that science club meeting?  It got postponed because the leader wasn’t feeling well.  So it’s going to be tomorrow.

Kelley: Oh yeah.  I forgot all about that.

Suzie: We didn’t get a notice about it, so how do you know?

Lando: I got a phone call about it last week telling me it was canceled and that it was going to be next week.

Mitzi: Be quiet and go to sleep!

[three blankets, three pillows, four kids.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ]

Scene 7: Lando is playing with his SSD, and Mitzi is still asleep. Suzie and Kelley enter from left stage.

Lando: Good shot Green 3!  Watch out-

Suzie: I hate Aqua!

Kelley: No you don’t.  You’re just saying that because you’re jealous of me.

Lando: Are you two ever going to quit arguing?

Suzie: No I’m not!  As a matter of fact, you’re jealous of me.

Kelley: Just admit it!  You are.

Suzie: No I’m not.

Kelley: Yes.  You.  Are!

Lando: Be quiet already!

Mitzi: Good morning everyone.

Suzie: Are you nuts?  It’s 10:00 in the morning!

Kelley: Mitzi, you should have been up two hours ago.

Lando: Well, nice of you to join the rest of the world!

[this entire thing is just amusingly juvenile.  i wish i could say the ‘revised version’ (which is mostly the same with a couple extra scenes tacked on at the end and a REALLY bizarre plot twist) is better, but... no.]

Scene 8: Lando and Kelley are at school, and Mitzi is taking a nap. Suzie is writing a letter to her aunt.

Dear Aunt Effie,

Hi!  It’s Suzie.  I just wanted to know if I could stay over for a week or so.  My bossy brother Lando is bossing us around again.  Kelley and I have been arguing again.  And Mitzi is butting in to all our conversations.  (Correction: Arguments.) And I would like to get away from my family, so could I stay with you for awhile?

Love,

Suzie Arrow

A few hours later, Suzie got her response.

Dear Suzie.

I’m really sorry, but I can’t let you stay here at the inn.  There are no rooms available and there are no hotels near here.  The nearest one is 85 miles away!  So you can’t stay.  Again, I’m really sorry.

Love ya,

Aunt Effie

[i don’t know how we were going to ‘perform’ this scene.  i don’t know why Suzie doesn’t go to school, either.  at least Mitzi, being played by my younger cousin, would’ve probably been only four or five at the time.]

Scene 9: Lando is reading a Star Wars book, and Mitzi is playing with stuffed animals. Suzi is at a friend’s house, and Kelley enters from left stage.

Lando: Finally!  Some peace and quiet.

Kelley: Same to you, buster.

Suzie: I’m home!

Kelley: Are you a weirdo or something?

Suzie: No, you’re the weirdo around here!

Lando: Why don’t you two just make up and get it over with?

Suzie & Kelley: No way hosay!

Lando: Shut up you weird costume ladies!

Kelley: Are you calling us weird costume ladies?

(Offstage voice yells “Children, go to bed!)

[“hosay”.  and “costume ladies”, another one of my brother’s inexplicable insults.  in hindsight, he might’ve been calling us hookers, but i’m pretty sure he was just repeating something he’d heard and had no idea what it meant.]

Scene 10: There are 3 blankets and 3 pillows on the floor. All lights go out.

Lando: Are you two going to make up?

Kelley: Yeah, I guess so.

Suzie: All right.  Sorry Kelley.

Kelley: Sorry.

Lando: Do you promise never to do this again?

Suzie & Kelley: No!

(Laughter occurs.)

Kelley: No we’re kidding.  We promise.

Lando: Now let’s celebrate with ice cream sandwiches!

Suzie & Kelley: What!?

Lando: What?

Suzie punches Lando in the face.

[gosh, THAT was anticlimactic.  everyone’s acting like they had this huge fallout and... all they did was childishly (and repetitively) insult one another’s choice in pop music??  what a thrill.]

[coolhandluke]

Twenty Years Ago

Twenty years ago today, Cool Hand Luke played their very first show at Cafe Express in Mt. Juliet, TN. It was pretty dumb.

We had only been a band for maybe two or three months. We had only practiced a handful of times, and we had only written one or two finished songs. But Brandon and Jason knew the owner of Cafe Express, which was a Christian venue outside of Nashville. They had been telling the owner they had a punk band called Cool Hand Luke, even before they had found a drummer (me). The owner called Brandon up and said they had a last minute booking for Ghoti Hook and they needed an opener. Brandon told her we’d do it. 

There are a few things that you’ve got to understand about our adolescent minds at the time. First of all, I had not grown up listening to Christian music and I basically knew nothing about it. In fact, a year prior, I hadn’t even known that there was Christian punk or hard core or anything like that. So, I based everything off what Brandon and Jason told me. Punk wasn’t my favorite kind of music at the time, but I had been really into punk in high school. But I only knew the secular bands that I liked: The Descendents, NOFX, Bad Religions, etc. Since I was now in a Christian punk band, I started trying to get into the bands that Jason and Brandon liked: Squad Five-O, Slick Shoes, MXPX, etc. Most of the bands were on Tooth and Nail Records. Tooth and Nail was the pinnacle of what a Christian band doing undergroundish kind of music could do. At least that’s how we perceived it. 

So when we got the offer to open for a band on Tooth and Nail, we thought this was our ticket to the big time. I’m pretty sure we literally had conversations about how we’d open for Ghoti Hook, they would love us, and they would call Tooth and Nail up and say, “You’ve gotta sign Cool Hand Luke!” If you’ve been in a touring band, or if you’re not an idiot, you know that this is not how it works. Also, we imagined that any band on Tooth and Nail must be pretty huge and they were making a living doing music and living the rock and roll/Christian dream. Also a huge misconception. 

So, here were the facts: We were barely a band. We didn’t have close to enough songs to fill a set. We had a week to rehearse, write songs, and get in top form so that we could impress Ghoti Hook, get signed to Tooth and Nail, and head straight to our rock and roll destiny—you know, all for the glory of God. 

There were two problems. One was that I was working my first full time job. I was a temp at Toyota Motor Credit Corporation Lexus Financial Services. Yes, I had to say that every time I answered the phone. So, we could only practice at night. And I lived in Nashville, an hour away from Murfreesboro where Brandon and Jason lived and where we practiced. The other problem was that we needed to practice every single night for a week. But I had third row tickets to see Smashing Pumpkins at a rare acoustic performance at the Grand Ole Opry on August 5, two nights before our show. It was a dilemma: Do I go see one of my favorite bands at a cool venue from the third row? Or, do I forfeit those tickets so that I can take the step necessary to be the cool band that everyone wants to see? The answer was clear: we only had one shot to wow a Tooth and Nail band and live our dreams—I sold my ticket so that we could practice. And was it worth it? I’ll let you decide.

If you know anything about touring, you know that booking a headline show a week or two in advance is never going to be that good of a situation, unless you happen to be in U2 or something like that. (So, U2, if you’re reading this, it doesn’t apply to you.) In the 1998 pre-social media days and the infantile days of internet there weren’t many ways to promote a show with only a week. So, the turnout was less than stellar. And by that I mean, I think literally everyone at the show was our friends and family. So, probably about 25 people, none of which were actually there to see the headliner. And Cafe Express, at the time, was in a big ole warehouse. So 25 people felt like 5 people. 

We were the only opener, so all our gear was on stage. We had set up hours before and “soundchecked.” I put that in quotes because we had no idea what we were doing. We thought playing on stage would sound exactly like it did in our small practice space when we were all facing each other. So when the sound guy asked, “Do you need anything in your monitor?” I said no. I’m not sure I even knew what a monitor was. This fact would be crucial later. 

We took the stage at around 7 and started our set. I think we probably played 5 songs. One or two of them were songs we had worked on prior to our marathon rehearsal sessions, so they sounded sort of like real songs with words. In those days, Brandon played bass and sang, Jason played guitar, and I played drums. I sang harmonies on a few songs but Brandon was the front man. What I didn’t realize until later when I saw the VHS tape of the show (which I still have) was that Brandon had not had time to write lyrics for the new songs…or melodies. So, he just kind of yelled nonsense for most of them. I mean, it was pretty punk rock, but it wasn’t good. We were definitely not tight. We had only played together a handful of times, we were playing songs we barely knew, and we couldn’t hear each other. Also, our “stage presence” was a bit awkward. I looked like a dork trying to be cool. Jason, stood with his legs far apart and did not move the entire set. Brandon actually looked the coolest of us (after all he had a lip ring, which was super punk), but it was diminished by the fact that he was yelling nonsense syllables. 

The highlight of the show was our cover of The Beach Boys’ “Kokomo.” Yes, that was my idea. And I know what you’re wondering, “Did you speed it up and make it a ska version?” Yes. Yes, we did. If you recall, there is a glorious saxophone solo in “Kokomo,” so we thought it would be a good idea to have our friend Robin do a kazoo solo. So, yeah, that happened. Try to hear it in your head: “Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take ya,” but sped up with upbeats on guitar and of course I lifted the hi-hat on those upbeats. Never had there been such a perfect melding of genres, such creativity, song craft, and pure punk good times. 

Then the unthinkable happened: Brandon broke a bass string. He later told us he had never broken a string before. So, he didn’t know what to do. Naturally, he quit playing. When Jason realized that Brandon had quit playing, he quit playing also. Remember how I didn’t ask for anything in my monitor and I couldn’t hear anything except for the sound of my own drums bouncing all around this warehouse? Well, when Brandon and Jason quit playing, it sounded exactly the same to me. So, I finished the last double chorus of “Kokomo” all by myself. Just those dumb upbeats and my spirited high harmonies carried us through to the end. 

Afterward, Ghoti Hook was so impressed by our inventiveness and my perseverance that they immediately called Brandon Ebel (on a pay phone because no one had cell phones back then) and said, “You’ve gotta sign Cool Hand Luke!” Nope. I feel confident that we may have been the worst band they ever played with and that may have been the worst show they ever played. I’m not exaggerating. Years later we were touring through California and we stayed with the bass player of Ghoti Hook. He said he remembered that show and remember us because we were so terrible. Later, we’d come to know what nights like those were like from the perspective of a touring band. Lord, bless them for not just packing up and driving off right after our first song. 

So, am I glad I chose to arrange a ska cover of “Kokomo” rather than see Smashing Pumpkins? Not at all. But I am so thankful that God let me cross paths with Brandon and Jason and that we had some kind of fire under us for a week to start writing together. I have no idea what the trajectory of Cool Hand Luke would have been if we hadn’t chosen to play a show way before we were actually ready. But, I know the trajectory it sent us on. For a few years, it became our collective passion and our sense of purpose. Cool Hand Luke is how I met many of my best friends. It’s how I met my wife and how Jason met his. It’s how I learned who Jesus really is and how I learned to communicate the gospel. It’s how I learned to sing. It’s how I learned to play piano. It’s how I learned some painful, painful lessons about my pride, my idols, and my weaknesses. I’m still honored to be a part of it. I consider it a privilege every time I get to play music. I consider it a profound compliment if you’ve ever listened to it. Life is complex, and I have many plates to spin, but I am so glad that twenty years later Cool Hand Luke is still one of them. It has always been a complete labor of love. Soli Deo Gloria. 

[mutantdatingproblems]

We Got Tagged

Hey everyone, we got tagged by @localmutantlesbian in this mutant ask thing so here we go (as always Z will be using bolded font and Vex will use italics and if we’re both saying it it’ll be both bolded and in italics, just so ya know who’s who in our answers if ya don’t wanna read our names every time). Here we go!

1. What’s your codename/mutant name?

Z: I can’t decide honestly, I’ve considered something simple like “Shifter” and crazy shit like “Dragon Queen” but they’ve all been shot down so far either by me or by Prof.X or one of the other Profs or my friends for being lame

V: This is a question I hate because I totally would’ve gone with like “Multiple Girl” but Multiple Man has that and they won’t let me pick something in a dead or nerd language (even though I think it’d be super cool) so I also don’t have one. We don;t go into the field much yet though so it doesn’t really matter yet.

2. Age?

Z: 19 going on 20, birthday is in May

V: Same except my birthday is in June

3. Gender and pronouns?

Z: Genderfluid with a current lean towards nonbinary so they/them or she/her or he/him all work for me, I don’t really care

V: Genderqueer, They/Them or She/Her please

4. What is your mutation(s)?

Z: Shapeshifting and mild hydrokinesis and is ADHD a mutation? Cause I swear it gives me superpowers

V: Creating multiples of myself and enhanced strength, speed, and senses. And yeah ADHD should definitely count as a power.

5. Are you a member of any mutant group (X-Men, The Mutant Underground, The Brotherhood of Mutants, Morlocks, etc)?

Z: X-Men in training at Xavier's (But I have friends in The Brotherhood)

V: Ditto

6. Got any physical mutations?

Z: Yeah, although mine are mostly by choice seeing as I’m a shapeshifter. I’m fond of my claws and fangs and tails and scales and horns and freaky eyes for everyday use

V: Nope, not really.

7. When did your powers manifest?

Z: Around 13

V: 12 and a half

8. What is your favourite thing about your powers?

Z: Everything. I love my powers, I love that I can be anything and do anything if I put my mind to it. It makes me who I am honestly, I don’t know who I’d be without my powers. Hell I’d probably have killed myself if my powers hadn’t manifested when they did I hated myself so much back then. Of course being at Xavier’s and meeting V and my other friends helped too. But yeah I love my powers and how they make me feel.

V: Ditto honestly, my powers help me learn so much and so much faster than I used to be able to, the focus I gain from my clones alone is a life saver when I have to do anything I find boring (which is a lot because Inattentive ADHD sucks royally). The enhanced senses and stuff are pretty awesome too, nothing better than losing your favorite pen under a couch and being able to lift the couch over your head ta get it back. I wouldn’t trade my powers for anything in the world.

9. Biggest pet peeve related to being a mutant?

Z: Assholes being assholes to us, assholes who only approve of human-passing mutants who think we should be grateful they even tolerate that much, not being able to find good shapeshifter friendly clothing that still looks cool and comes in plus sizes, and uppity fuckwad mutants who judge others on powers or looks or anything else because god dammit we need to stick together and support each other. I could go on because I have a lot but I won’t or this’ll take forever.

V: The asshole issues that Z pointed out but also when my powers go outta control cause I lose my cool or something and I have ta calm down ta find control again and it’s really hard, or when I sneeze cause of allergies and I accidentally sneeze a clone out...it’s embarrassing. Also accidentally hurting people with my enhanced strength....I hate that too

10. Ever been to space or another dimension?

Z: Yeah by accident.....it involved tequila....lots of tequila....

V: Nope

11. Do you wear a costume (BE HONEST)

Z: Sorta? I have ta make a lot of my own clothes cause of my physical mutations and shapeshifting so sometimes they come out looking very costumey and I am fond of leather which doesn’t help. I guess my battle gear counts? Loose black cargo pants (need all the pockets for gadgets and snacks cause shapeshifting requires a fuckton of calories and effort), black tank top (lightweight body armor actually but designed ta look like a tank top), arm warmers (again armor, they cover from my wrists to halfway up my upper arm, they’re also black). black leather fingerless gloves, combat boots (with knives hidden in the toes, also black except I change the laces all the time cause I like making them funky colors and designs), and a black leather weapons belt that holds at least one stun gun, two daggers/medium sized knives, and in some cases a sword because I like it. All of it’s like....well for lack of a better term...enchanted ta survive my shifts (including into dragon form) so it doesn’t rip or tear or anything. Apparently when I shift it kinda just disappears into a pocket dimension and then reappears on me when I shift back...I dunno how it works, ask Scarlet Witch she hooked me up. And by the way the weapons are because sometimes if I’m too drained ta shift I gotta go hand-to hand.

V: Yeah kinda, it’s my battle gear too. Navy cargo pants (I keep extra snacks for Z), black t-shirt, black wrist guards, black boots with purple laces and skulls and stuff painted on them, purple weapons belt holding a stun gun, throwing knives (like a frick ton, I also store more in my pants), more knives of varying sizes, smoke bombs (great for sneak attacks, just throw to confuse enemy and then attack from all sides with clones. I have flash bombs too), and a couple different versions of brass knuckles, and then I wear opaque black sunglasses too because I like them. Oh and yes my shirt is body armor like Z’s is of course, and my boots are steel toe.

12. Are you a minority in another way (race, gender, disability, etc)?

Z: Genderfluid Panromantic Demisexual who’s got mad depression, anxiety, ADHD, and fainting spells and I’m Polyamorous

V: Genderqueer, Queer in general, demisexual and polyamorous also with severe anxiety as well as dsycalculia and ADHD 

13. Coolest power you’ve seen?

Z: I love Storm’s powers, but Scarlet Witch is pretty cool too

V: I concur with Storm but I’m also fond of Z’s powers cause watching your friend turn into a dragion is really cool

14. Favourite mutant artist?

Z: Dunno

V: Ditto

15. How would your friends describe you?

Z: Loud, proud, queer as fuck, angry, musical, a water baby, a literal and metaphorical dragon, bad influence, pun queen, kind of insane, kinky, and V’s shoulder devil/inner crazy bitch. 

V: Quiet, secretly vindictive, punk af, dorky, wordy, easily distracted, helpful, accidental group therapist, mom friend, and Z’s conscience/shoulder angel. 

16. Enhanced/powered person you most want to meet?

Z: Deadpool, I always miss him when he visits and it sucks

V: Spiderman......I just think he seem really cool

17. Feelings about mutant registration?

Z: No, just no. That’s how they end up rounding us up and killing us all. If it’s an operation run by us mutants ourselves as a way to work together and support each other and offer aid to mutants and help mutant youth who’ve been kicked out of their homes and stuff like that then sure. But not some government list of us all, fuck no.

V: Yeah ditto on that.

18. #MutantandProud or #WeWantACure?

Z&V: #MutantandProud

Z&V: Again unless it’s something regulated by mutants for mutants, no. Because it should be a mutants choice whether or not they want their powers because some people get royally screwed and end up with powers they hate because they are dangerous or something like that. It shouldn’t be something the government or anyone else can decide, it should always be the mutants individual choice. 

19. How did you choose your codename?

Z: Don’t have one yet but when I do choose it’ll probably be like...by throwing darts at a bunch of names I like or a coin flip or something

V: Don’t have one yet, I’ll tell you how I chose it when I figure one out.

20. OPTIONAL: what caused your powers to manifest?

Z: Got mad, grew talons and fangs and scales cause I was reading about mythological creatures earlier, was not pretty. It happened when I was alone though so that was a plus. (I was mad because of a text from my boyfriend at the time). The hydrokinesis thing I figured out after I got to Xavier’s...was outside in the courtyard....got catcalled by some asshole student....wished I could dump water on his head....fountain water flew up and over and dumped gallons on his head....it was awesome.

V: I sneezed at the dinner table and three clones shot out of me....the strength and speed stuff I figured out at school in gym class when suddenly I was kicking ass at track and field after always sucking at it my whole life....The senses I figured out when I could hear waaaayyyyy too much noise everywhere and everything smelled waaayyy too strong and suddenly I could see without my glasses (yeah I used ta have and need glasses, I don’t anymore but if I did they’d be cats-eye style like a vintage librarian because reasons). 

Tagging: We’re not really sure who ta tag so if you wanna do it then feel free ta do it and tag us!

(And thank you again to @localmutantlesbian for tagging us! We loved doing this!)

~Mod Z

~Mod Vex

P.S Wanna know more about us? Check out our previous “Meet the Mods” posts or check out our “Meet the Mods” page on the blog!

[odderancyart]

The Cherry Chronicles pt. 6

First Last Next

AO3

Summary: Another Sans appears in Underfell. The only problem, except getting him home, is that this one’s showing signs of abuse, and is terrified of Papyrus.

Warnings:  physical/mental abuse, flashbacks of abuse, self-loathing, violence. The flashback is in cursive, and that's the worst part of the chapter, so you can skip it

Still with the steaming mug in his hands and the blanket over his shoulders Cherry made his way downstairs. He wasn’t entirely sure that was an okay thing to do, but during the past three days (or was it four? He didn’t know how long he had slept) there had been no punishments, so he felt bold enough to take the risk. In the living room, the native brothers sat on the couch. Boss – no, Papyrus – was reading a book and Sans just stared at the wall, looking grumpy.

“i wanted to t’ grillby’s, boss,” his counterpart almost whined. “i don’ wanna be here.”

“YOU SOUND LIKE A CRANKY BABYBONES, SANS. AND IT’S NOT HEALTHY FOR YOU TO GET DRUNK ALL THE TIME.”

“’m a skeleton. got no organs for ‘t to hurt either. i can drink a skeleton, no worries. ” Cherry let out a chuckle at that, and the two immediately turned their heads toward him. Sans looked upset, but Bo-Papyrus only smiled. It was sharp, but seemed oddly sincere. He gulped, but resisted the urge to cower under his not-brother’s gaze.

“CHERRY,” Papyrus greeted. At least he didn’t seem upset about Cherry taking the blanket and mug with him. “SIT DOWN PLEASE.”

His soul skipped a beat in surprise of being asked instead of ordered. At least without being directly ordered. It might just be an order in disguise, but it still felt nicer than a direct one. At least when it was one he didn’t have to worry about not managing to obey.  

Papyrus looked straight at him, while Sans was almost pointedly avoiding his gaze. He seemed very uncomfortable, fiddling with his collar. At that, Cherry was reminded of his own, and his hand went up to it. It wasn’t nearly as good quality as Sans’. It was only there as a proof of Boss’ ownership of him. He hated it, and loved it. He sat down at the floor. This time he was leaning toward the armchair, though. Perhaps that’d be okay. First, he sat on tenterhooks, but as no one said anything he felt himself relax.

“WE ARE… CONCERNED,” Papyrus began as he closed his book and put it on the table. “ABOUT WHAT YOU TOLD US YESTERDAY. MAY I BE FRANK?”

Cherry sat quiet for a few minutes before he realized he was being asked something. He gave a sharp nod, startled by the notion.

“YOU ARE BEING ABUSED AND WE WANT YOU TO STAY HERE.”

There was silence, before Cherry flew to his feet. His eye was blazing red and he almost growled.

“how dare ya?” he practically hissed. “Boss has been takin’ care o’ us fer years when i couldn’. ‘t’s not ‘is fault i can’t do anythin’ right.”

The brothers looked taken back, staring at him in shock. They both gaped at him. Then Sans’ face softened, and he stood up. Cherry flinched back, preparing himself for getting hit – they’d definitely punish him for this. Yet he couldn’t regret it. How could they even suggest such an outrageous thing? Boss was the coolest, and yes, he would rough at times but it was just how their world was. Sans walked up to him, and put his hands on his shoulders before gently pressing him back down on the floor. Cherry obeyed, but glared at him despite how he twitched at being touched. Sans sat down in front of him, staring him straight into the eyelights.

“’lright,” he stated calmly. He had a weird, kind of sad look in his eyelights. “now yah’ll listen ta me. understood?”

Cherry didn’t want to, but it was an obvious order, so he nodded. Sans looked a bit pleased.

“yer relationship with yer bro ain’t normal. ‘t ain’t healthy either. if he really cared then he wouldn’ leave ya outside in th’ middle of th’ winter for th’ dogs ta do whatever withcha. ya wouldn’ be terrified o’ ‘im ‘n’ o’ messin’ up and ya wouldn’ ‘ave been surprised tha’ ya got food. none o’ this is a healthy relationship, buddy.”

Cherry did his best not to listen. He didn’t want to hear this. No. It wasn’t true. His Boss loved him and cared for him. It was all done for his sake.

Yet, there was this small voice in the back of his mind. A voice he had supressed for years, which was telling him Sans was right.

It terrified him.

“no, no, no, no, no,” he muttered. As Sans let go off his shoulders he hid his face in his arms. He wanted to get these thoughts of doubt out of his head. “’t ain’t true. Boss is doin’ ‘t fer my sake. ‘t ain’t true.”

“I THINK YOU KNOW YOU’RE LYING TO YOURSELF,” Papyrus said gently. And how wrong wasn’t it for that voice to sound so soft? It wasn’t right it shouldn’t he didn’t deserve it. Why couldn’t everything just go back to normal where he wasn’t forced to question everything he had ever known? “OR YOU WOULDN’T BE TRYING TO CONVINCE YOURSELF WE’RE LYING. BECAUSE YOU AREN’T TRYING TO CONVINCE US, THAT IS FOR SURE.”

Cherry felt himself trembling, and shook his head. No. No this wasn’t true. It wasn’t… He felt himself starting to get light-headed and his breathing got shallow. He couldn’t breathe. He glanced up, and the world was fuzzy. What was going on, why couldn’t he see?! What was going on? His soul beat violently as the world turned black.

“YOU USELESS WORM,” Boss shrieked as he grabbed Sans’ collar and hoisted him into the wall. Sans gasped for air, but the collar restricted his breathing and he could hardly get any. He trembled, staring at the other’s furious face. “YOU HAVE EMBARRASSED ME FOR THE LAST TIME.”

Sans wasn’t sure what he had done. Undyne had been over, and he had tried to make himself as small as possible. Then she left, and Boss punched him.

It didn’t matter what he had done. He deserved it. He always did, for being such an awful mess. He groaned in pain as one of Boss’ claws dug into his mandible. He would probably get another scar. Perhaps it’d get infected again, Sans thought absentmindedly, if Boss didn’t let him into the medicinal supplies. He often didn’t, because medicine was only for valuable members of society who did something useful with their time. Not like him, who couldn’t even sit through a sentry pass without falling asleep, no matter how much he tried.

He whimpered in pain as Boss roughly hoisted him higher before grabbing one of his ribs. He didn’t have a soft grip.

“’m sorry, ‘m sorry,” he managed to get out, holding back the sobs threatening to escape. “whatever i did, ‘m sorry, Boss, ‘m sorry.”

Boss didn’t take any notice of his words, and grabbed harder. With a crack, the bone splintered, and Sans screamed. The sound was almost unreal, loud and shrill. It didn’t sound like his voice, but he knew it was. He had heard it so many times, he’d recognize it better than his normal speaking voice.

“YOU KNOW YOU DESERVE THIS,” Boss said levelly. One could almost think he was cracking an egg, not his older brother. No. Not his brother. His pet. Property. The collar witnessed of that. Sans nodded. Tears were now flowing down his face and mixing with the blood Boss had drawn earlier. “TELL ME.”

“i deserve this,” Sans sobbed. It was getting hard to get enough air to speak. “’m a worthless piece o’ dust ‘n’ i deserve this.”

“GOOD BOY.”

“cherry! cherry!” “CHERRY! SANS!”

Cherry jerked as he felt himself getting shook. His breath hitched as he wildly looked around, trying to figure out where Boss had gone. His eye sockets widened as he found himself face to face with him, and then himself. A memory triggered at that, and his breathing slowly calmed down as he realized where he was.

“thank th’ goddamn stars,” Sans exclaimed quietly. Relief was obvious on his face, even to Cherry. “that was fuckin’ scary.”

“OF COURSE IT WAS, YOU IDI…” Papyrus interrupted himself as Cherry gasped softly. His voice lowered. “HE WAS HAVING A FLASHBACK. WHAT HAPPENED, CHERRY? CAN YOU TALK ABOUT IT?”

Cherry shook his head violently. He didn’t want to… he couldn’t…

“Boss… he…” he whispered anyway. It was too ingrained in him to not keep secrets. Yet he couldn’t go on, and simply lifted a weak limb and pointed first at the scar on his cheek before holding up his t-shirt and showing off the poorly healed ribs.

The brothers stared at his ribcage in horror.

“tha’s…” Sans began, but didn’t seem to know what else to say. “tha’s…”

“FUCKING HELL,” Papyrus finally stated. Both Sanses couldn’t help but agree, albeit of different reasons.

…

Papyrus stroked Doomfanger, feeling a bit of the stress he had been constantly feeling since Cherry came into their home slowly dissipating. The feeling of soft fur on phalanges was calming. Especially combined with the deep purring. He stared at Sans, who had sunk into the couch, looking completely out of it. His brother was just staring at nothing. Papyrus hadn’t felt this helpless in years, not since he began to get promotion after promotion in the Guard. Certainly not since he had become lieutenant a few years ago.

There was no protocol for this. Nothing that said how he was supposed to feel. What even was the logical way to think, feel and act when an alternate version of you brother showed up after a life of abuse from an alternate version of yourself? There was none and that fact was completely throwing him off his rocket. Even more than he would’ve been otherwise.

Cherry seemed adamant on denying he was being abused by his brother. Which might’ve be understandable; he couldn’t promise he or Sans would’ve acted in another way if they’d been in his situation. Which was a horrifying thought, but true nonetheless. He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts.

“SANS?” he asked. There was no need to keep his voice down, Cherry had passed out soon after that flashback and was now sleeping in Sans’ room. His older brother turned his empty stare toward him, and the eyelights slowly came back.

“yeah, boss?” Sans said. His voice was disturbingly quiet. There was none of that cheekiness which always was there.

“WE NEED A COURSE OF ACTION. AND I WAS THINKING… PERHAPS IT’S HARD FOR CHERRY TO REALIZE WHAT IS GOING ON WITHOUT AN OUTSIDE PERSPECTIVE?”

Sans was silent for a few moments. He stared at Papyrus in confusion before blinking. A malicious grin slowly made its way onto his face and some colour returned to his eyelights.

“i like th’ way yer thinkin’,” he drawled, finally sounding more like himself as he had a goal and a solution in mind.  “i really do.”

…

Sans worked ceaselessly through the following day and night, with Papyrus’ help. Papyrus did have a knack for mechanics, and could probably have become a fantastic mechanical engineer if he hadn’t been more interested in fighting and leading   . Sans couldn’t remember the last time he had worked this hard, if he ever had. Even while in the Royal Labs he had taken every excuse to slack off. If it ever had happened it was probably when he was still new and excited, or still at the Royal Academy. Through sweat and frustration, the Machine stood finished just in time for the fluorescent lamps to lighten up the town, signalling it was morning.

They’d left Doomfanger with Cherry, both to keep an eye of him and to let Cherry know where they were, should he wake up.

“GOOD JOB, SANS,” Papyrus eventually said as they stared at the product of their labour. “I’M PROUD OF YOU.”

A grin made its way onto Sans grin, and he rubbed the back of his head.

“thanks, boss,” he replied almost sheepishly. “’m proud of ya too. i know ya don’ care much fer science.”

They smiled at each other, pleased that their hard work had paid off. Then they made their way upstairs, to explain their plan to Cherry, who jumped on the chance to prove his brother wasn’t abusive.

Travelling with the Machine was weird. It felt a bit like shortcutting, but much, much stronger. Sans could only describe it as being pulled apart at the seams and put together again, atom for atom, inside a Void that was different from the one he used for teleporting. He couldn’t describe different how, just really fucking different.

They were all a little dizzy as they stumbled out of something in what hopefully was Cherry’s Basement. Sans fought to keep at his feet as he gazed back at the thing they’d stepped out from. They all stared as they saw it. A black vortex, floating in the middle of the room. Like a rift in existence. It didn’t disappear.

”welp,” Sans said, plopping at the ‘p’. “hopefully tha’ stays, or i don’ know ‘ow we’ll get back. didn’ think o’ that, fer some reason.”

Papyrus didn’t say anything, even if he startled a bit at that. Sans’ words had obviously worried him, which he felt a little bad over. Still, there was nothing to do. Cherry was standing there, looking quite shaken. If it was because of the journey or because he was back in his own universe, Sans couldn’t tell. Papyrus put a hand on Cherry’s shoulder, making him wince slightly. Yet, it was a smaller wince than it used to be and he didn’t look as scared so Sans counted that as a victory.

“LET’S FIND A GOOD PLACE TO HIDE,” Papyrus suggested. The Sanses nodded, and they made their way upstairs.

The living room was disturbing. It looked almost exactly like their own, but also like a screwed over copy of their own. The carpet was stained by something that looked disturbingly like blood, and so was the wallpaper. It looked like someone had scrubbed away the most but not quite succeeded. The couch was a perfect picture, all orderly, and there was no sock in next to the wall.

The brothers looked around. It was really disconcerting to see. Finally Sans sighed.

“yer not allowed on th’ couch, ya said, right?” he asked, and Cherry shook his head mutely. Sans shook his head in quiet dislike and went to sit down next to the wall. Papyrus grabbed Cherry’s wrist and led him to the kitchen.

“REMEMBER, SANS,” he said before they went inside. “IF YOU THINK YOU CAN’T HANDLE ‘ME’ THEN IMMEDIATELY CALL FOR ME.”

“o’ course, boss,” Sans assured him. “i won’t lose my head.” As he said that, he wiggled his skull. He didn’t like to take it off fully, but it was very possible. A pro of being a skeleton, he guessed. Papyrus groaned, while a quiet snicker came from Cherry. Success.

Soon, he felt himself nodding off where he sat. It wasn’t incredibly comfortable, but he had definitely slept in worse places before. Such as that pine tree once when they were playing hide and seek as babybones. He snickered at the memory. Pap had been so angry when he found him asleep three meters over the ground. He had climbed the tree, shook Sans awake, and yelled at him before realizing he didn’t know how to get down. Sans had had to teleport them both, and as a babybones Papyrus had detested shortcuts even more than now. They’d made him feel ill.

Smiling as he remembered the happy times, he felt his eyelids getting heavy, and he was soon fast asleep.

“YOU FUCKIN JACKASS!” A familiar voice shouted, and a door banged open. “BY THE FUCKING STARS, WHERE HAVE YOU FUCKING BEEN?”

Sans twitched as he was abruptly woken up. His eye sockets flew open, and he couldn’t help the red flickering as he watched Cherry’s abuser. He was almost distressingly similar in looks to Papyrus, but with the cruel, furious look in his face it wasn’t hard to see the difference. ‘Boss’ grabbed the front of Sans’ shirt, and hauled him off the ground, slamming him into the wall. Sans let out a pained oof as he hit it. The other certainly wasn’t careful with his 1HP. Though if this Papyrus was anything at all like his own, then he had perfect control of his Damage and wouldn’t hurt anyone’s HP if he didn’t want to.

“EXPLAIN YOURSELF, AND I MIGHT NOT THROW YOU TO THE DOGS TO DO WHATEVER THEY WANT TO WHEN I’M FINISHED WITH YOU.”

The shorter couldn’t help it as his eyelight flickered red again in fury. Boss slammed him into the wall again, and he gasped.

“DON’T YOU DARE THREATEN ME, YOU PIECE OF SHIT,” he growled. It was easy to see what he was thinking; he was like an open book. Sans couldn’t help but wonder if he always was this easy to read or if he just didn’t bother hiding his true self with his ‘brother’. If the first was the case, he was playing a dangerous game.

“aw, is baby bro pissed?” Sans snickered despite the deathly grip the other had very close to his neck. Boss froze, staring at him in pure disbelief. His eye sockets widened, and he was obviously doubting what he had heard – and seeing. Sans had a shit-eating grin on his face. “c’mon, tha’ glare o’ yers almost sends shivers down my spine. what?” he added as Boss’ shocked face turned into a glare. “dontcha think ‘m humerus?”

“ENOUGH!” Boss screamed, and slammed him into the wall again. Sans felt pain travel up his spine, but he kept in any sounds again. “I DO NOT KNOW WHERE YOU’VE BEEN THAT HAVE MADE YOU FORGET YOUR PLACE, BUT I WILL MAKE SURE YOU REMEMBER IT QUICK ENOUGH.”

“ya sure ‘bout tha’?” Without another word, Sans threw out his leg, kicking Boss in the ribs. It would probably – hopefully – not be enough normally, but he apparently managed to surprise the other enough to make him loose his grip on Sans. As he felt himself falling to the floor, his magic flared and he shortcutted.

Soon standing a few meters away, Sans grinned malevolently.

“aw, don’ skullk around,” he teased. His voice was growing darker. “you d i r t y  b r o t h e r-a b u s e r.”

As on que, which it was, Papyrus stepped around the corner. He had a ferocious and enraged expression, and his eye was glowing brightly as he crossed his arms and glared at Boss. The native Papyrus froze again, staring at his copy. He looked completely stunned. Then he frowned, and outrage filled his face.

“I DON’T KNOW WHO YOU TWO ARE AND HOW YOU GOT INTO MY HOUSE,” he snarled while stretching out a hand. A red, sharp bone appeared in it. The tone was low and threatening, but it only made Sans grin. That seemed to infuriate him even more. “BUT I WILL MAKE SURE YOU REGRET IT.”

“tibia honest,” Sans said with a cruel smirk. “i don’ believe ya.”

[fandomsandfeminism]

JRR Tolkien, master of modern fantasy, held a deep, undying dislike for the Bard of England. Let's talk about why and how it impacted his writing.

Transcript: 

Alright, listen friends. I am not a complicated person with complicated hobbies. If you asked someone to name 3 things I like, they would be totally in  the right to list “Anime, Shakespeare, and Lord of the Rings.” So today we are going to talk about the intersection of two of these excellent things.

No… not Anime Romeo and Juliet…..though….I mean, it is a good show...t fixes some of my complaints about the original….maybe next time.

No, no, today we are going to talk about how JRR Tolkien absolutely freakin hated Shakespeare and that’s why Eowyn is a badass.

So, let’s start by talking about Tolkien. John Ronald Ruel Tolkien was born on January 3rd, 1892. The Hobbit was written in 1937, after he had served in world war 1, when Tolkien was 45. The Lord of the Rings was written in stages, the last book being released in 1949, when he was 57. So for most of his life, Tolkien was not “the guy who wrote Lord of the Rings.” Instead, for most of his adult life, Tolkien’s claim to fame was his research, translation, and annotation of Beowulf. (Yes, the Beowulf that your well meaning 12th grade English teacher will force you to read.)

You see, Tolkien was a professor of English and Literature at Oxford. Fun fact, he also worked on the Webster dictionary (specifically on words that began with W with a germanic origin. Dictionary writing is apparently very specialized.) He gave lectures and did research on ancient English literature and language as his specialty.

And let me make something clear. As a person who is academically trained in English literature, this ensures 2 things are true about Tolkien: 1. He was a huge nerd. And 2. He had Opinions.

-

And Tolkien hated Shakespeare. Hated him. You see, Tolkien believed that too much time was spent in English Literature departments reading and studying Shakespeare. But before you leap to agree with him, know this: It was his opinion that a well rounded student of literature should spend little to no time reading ANYTHING more modern than Chaucer. Yeah, the Canterbury Tales, Chaucer. That’s right kids, anything more modern than 1478 was hip modern dribble unworthy of serious study. (Can you imagine what Tolkien would think of modern lit classes these days? Ha.)

But more than that, Tolkien believed that fantasy inherently could not be adequately represented on stage, and that any attempt to do so was fundamentally flawed. (This is where I point out that there are several stage adaptations of Lord of the Rings, including a musical version, all of which are pretty bad and all of which Tolkien would have hated)

He also took objection to Shakespeare drawing on Greek and Anglo-Saxon inspiration for his fairies and elves, rather than what Tolkien saw as a more refined and authentic source: Norse and Celtic traditions.

Tolkien looked at Shakespeare's elves and fairies in A Midsummer Night’s Dream and felt that these corrupt, diminutive depictions of elves were horrible. They weren’t REAL elves. They didn’t act the way REAL elves should act! Like I said, the man had Opinions. Strong opinions about...elves.

-

And that brings us to Macbeth. Set aside Tolkien for a moment while we go into some backstory about The Scottish Play.

Macbeth is arguably Shakespeare’s bloodiest tragedy. First performed in 1606 (Well after our Tolkien approved literary cut off of the 1470s) it follows the story of a well respected general Macbeth. One day on the road he comes across a trio of witches who give him a prophecy. Invoking the greek tradition of the 3 fates and greek prophesy, this premonition is destined to be true. They tell Macbeth that he will be king.

Macbeth relays this information to his wife, Lady Macbeth who...basically bullies him into regicide and murder so he can, in fact, become King. She tells him that she’s more of a man than he is because he’s pussyfooting around multiple premeditated murders of friends and allies.

She eventually kills herself out of regret and guilt. Oops. In the midst of all this killing and mayhem, Macbeth seeks out the witches again and asks them for more prophecy. Will he remain king? Will he be deposed, as he deposed the last king?

First, they tell him to beware his rival Macduff. Second, they tell him that no man born of a woman will kill him. Third, they tell him he will be safe until the great Birnam Wood comes to the castle. He feels pretty safe, since two of these three seem pretty impossible. All men are born of women and forests don’t generally go walking around.

In the end, just as with all prophecy, these things come true. Kind of. Macduff reveals that he was born via C-section, which, apparently counts as “not being born from a woman.” And a whole bunch of soldiers use branches of the Birnam forest to disguise themselves as they march on the castle. Macbeth is killed, and thus this tragedy of lust for power and greed has its tragic end.

-

Now, despite your English Teacher’s most persuasive arguments, your future does not ultimately hinge on your ability to read and appreciate Macbeth. It will help you understand all the allusions in Hocus Pocus, and will probably strengthen your, ya know, general reading comprehension and cultural awareness, but ya know, you won’t die without it.

And Tolkien hated Macbeth. Specifically, he really took issue with, what he felt, was a cop out with the final 2 prophecies. He felt that the loopholes about c-section and camouflage cheated the audience, and he was not having it.

So. Lord of the Rings. Tolkien’s excuse to write entire languages and genealogical histories with a loose thread of plot to move from one intense exploration of some odd bit of lore to another. Along with satisfying his need to write a new mythology for England and be the world’s biggest linguistics nerd, Tolkien was also able to address and ultimately fix what he saw as these flaws in Macbeth.

The first is the prophecy about Birnam forest marching on the castle. Rather than have the ~bullshit~ loophole about normal everyday soldiers using branches as camouflage, Tolkien looked that plot point in the eye and declared ENTS. Living, walking, actual tree people. Screw Shakespeare and the limitations of the stage. He could actually have a forest rise up and march on a fortress if he damn well wanted to. And so he did. The ents attack Sarumon's tower in stunning fashion. The man inside the castle, corrupted by a lust for power, is defeated.

The next, and ultimately coolest, is Eowyn. Specifically Eowyn’s duel with the Witch King. Take a minute and picture that scene in Return of the King. The Witch King stands over Eowyn on the battlefield, all confidence and radiating evil, and he declares “No man can kill me!”

The Witch King is, also, Macbeth- a human king driven to acts of evil by his lust for power. In Macbeth the “no man born of a woman can kill me” is solved by...c-section apparently not counting as being born? Tolkien looked that plot point dead in the face and threw Eowyn at it. SHE is no man. She, a woman, breaks that prophecy is a much more satisfying and less bullshitty way.

-

So yes. That’s how Tolkien wrote one of the greatest scenes in modern fantasy just to pick a fight with William Shakespeare. Bonus fact, years later CS Lewis would similarly pick a fight with Tolkien because Tolkien had said that electric lamps had no place in fantasy. CS Lewis responded by putting a damn lamppost in the middle of Narnia just to mess with him.

In summary: Authors are petty and I love them.

So yeah. Thank you for watching this video! This channel is still really new, so I always appreciate comments and likes. I’ll be sure to see yall down in the comments. And as always, if you enjoyed listening to this queer millennial feminist with a BA in English, feel free to subscribe.

[inkdrinkershadowsinger]

The best parts of Where We Are audiobook

·         Niall’s sounds the most scripted like he actually took time to think about these questions, and write down his responses.

·         He has one of the best vocabularies in the band.

·         “Didn’t get to finish school or do his exams.”

·         The fact that there was one suitcase in Niall’s house that they actually referred to as “the little suitcase.”

·         Laughing when he said, “Obviously we’ve managed to last more than six months.”

·         “Slugged it out in the back of a Mercedes van?” Slugged it out? In a Mercedes Niall, really?

·         “The band’s horizon’s seemed to be getting bigger and bigger every day.”

·         About the fans: “The fans are out of this world helping us.” He loves us.

·         Talking about when he got kicked out of a cab when they heard they got number one. “Me and my friend were just punching the head off each other and having a laugh.”

·         “Struts.”

·         “I don’t really get homesick where as some of the lads would, but it’s not going to last forever so might as well enjoy it as much as I can now.”

·         About the trip to Ghana. “People out there are incredible, their spirits are mindboggling. You can only try your best for them when you admire them so much.” He was great talking about this.

·         He has the best perspective about the trip out of all the boys. When he’s talking about the water and how he’s got a fridge at home full of it and taps, but they don’t have a bit of it. You can tell that he appreciated and really felt what the trip was supposed to be about.

·         “For a man who loves his sleep that can only be good to be fair. I do waste a lot of my life sleeping.”

·         “YOU EITHER WANT TO BE PAPPED OR YOU DON’T.” He didn’t scream that, I just thought all caps were important there.

·         “do the job so home then mostly sit in my house. I don’t go on many holidays. I prefer to sit in my house mostly.”

·         “London Premiere best day he’s had in his career to date.” Then he goes on to name 800 other things that he liked too, “but the film premiere is 100% right up there. It was a huge moment for us…..”

·         “Them two idiots up the back.” Him and Louis at the Premiere/

·         “In typical One Direction style we were terrible at it.”

·         Success of Midnight Memories “We were just delighted.” I love how he says delighted.

·         “He brought me down to Chelsea and I became part of the furniture down there.” About his rehab after his knee surgery.

·         “We were confident of One Direction, and we work hard to make the band succeed.”

·         “Trepidation.” Great Word.

·         “Typical mad One Direction Style.”

·         “Croke Park was a special one.”

·         Best Ending: “but you know what? I’m still mad about being in this band.”

  Liam

·         “I’d come home completely covered in mud after playing football, eventually I had a pair of trousers for every single day of the week cause it was impossible for my mom to keep up with the washing.”

·         “Sitting in half my classes covered in mud.”

·         “My dad was amazing. He was my driving force to get out there and perform to people.”

·         “Maybe he wasn’t that crazy after all, maybe he can just see the future.”

·         “You know about all the dreadful disappointment about being rejected them like the overwhelming excitement of being put into a band with these other four lads, but to this day the moment they revealed they were putting us into One Direction is still the most amazing memory it’s still hard to believe.” They always talked about this, but never described like that.

·         “It’s hard to think we were thrown into the deep end so quick.”

·         “Our guardian angel was our fans.” Liam loves us too. Bless his little heart.

·         “an army of fans out there promoting and championing our band which you know you really can’t buy. So brilliant.” Keep the compliments coming.

·         “I feel like we haven’t really celebrated that.” Talking about the first album tour.

·         “You have to respect the idea that you just can’t walk out on to an arena stage.”

·         “Proper New York cold.”

·         How he says Lady Gaga and crazy in this sentence here “I think we set a new record beating Lady Gaga which was craazzyy.” It was funny.

·         “I remember staying up til stupid o’clock in the morning signing 500 CDS.”

·         The school trip story to the O2 a.k.a the Millennium Dome: “but I was just a dippy kid back then so my parents thought Ruth (his sister) would remember and appreciate the day more than me cause I’d been just bouncing off the walls and doing stupid stuff. So I did a little chuckle to myself when I got there ass I actually got to the millennium dome for free.” 

·         “This job can make you very self centered if you’re not careful.”

·         “and I was absolutely terrible at listening which I always have been.”

·         Class of 92 movie premiere: “He (David Beckham) like clocked me from across the room and you know when lads give each other the nod? Well, like I kind of gave him the nod cause he was saying like wazup (yes, wazup, that is not a typo), and he gave me the nod back, and then to my like shock he came over and said like hey how’s it going you alright Liam and shook my hand, and I was like this is mad like David Beckham just gave me the manly nod from the other side of the room and that’s like the sickest thing like….”

·         YES HE SAID LIKE THAT MANY TIMES. IT IS LIAM’S #FAVORITE WORD.

·         And no, I didn’t make that story up, oh, though I wish I had.

Louis

·         “I think I’ve always had persistence which I suppose I probably got from my mom, uh, she always encouraged me to do what I wanted to do and always just told me to give it my best and that’s what I try to do.”

·         “My mom’s pretty much the first person I go to for advice. You know I have a great relationship with my mom.” The first few minutes are devoted to talking about his momma, and I love that.

·         “We can travel the world which I don’t think, well, I know I wouldn’t have even been to America nevermind all the amazing places we’ve been at this age.”

·         “Doncaster is great, but you know I kind of wanted to see the world.”

·         “Even when we try our hardest to be sensible and mature we don’t do a very good job.”

·         Proof that Louis has seen This is Us, at least more than a couple of times. “You get taken away and bang you’re in this lifestyle and it is very alien.” Paul said nearly this same thing in the movie.

·         He loses his train of thought for a second when he’s talking about where he’s from. “ not many people from Donny record many albums, but anyway.” He says that ending very fast.

·         “There were often times I stand there and wonder how much the comments were relevant to me because my contributions to the band in my opinion at that time were so small.” Poor babe, but look at ya now.

·         “Delighted to be in the band.” Do they all say this word so wonderfully?

·         “It’s only been about since Midnight Memories that album that I’ve really felt comfortable with my voice.”

·         About the fans: “Little superfans trying to spread the word throughout the world.” More proof that Louis literally watches This Is Us every night before he goes to bed. Simon says this near the beginning of the movie, talking about the superfans.

·         The mattress story: “You wouldn’t get that now (the hesitation) they’d be straight down.”

·         “Four countries in four days.” Did he mean states?”

·         About a fan encounter after coming back from a tour. “It all got a bit aggressive I think I got me hoodie ripped off from me and I remember they dragged us into this tiny office with some police officers and the fans were outside surrounding it just banging on the walls. Yeah, it was intense. It definitely made us think there is some proper support there.”

·         About his man crush on David Beckham: “I’ve always idolized David Beckham. I just think he’s the coolest guy ever. Two or three of the lads me him before ME ( His tone is all like, How dare they?), and they had pictures with him right and I just saw these pictures on twitter and I was like what’s going on here I’d love to have met David, Becks, but anyway I did get to meet him in the end. I went to the Class of 92 premiere and uh, I’m just rubbish. I was trying to be cool, but you just can’t. I mean what do you say that is remotely impressive to David Beckham.”

·         He uses we a lot, not really I. It’s we did this, or we wanted that. That’s very interesting.

·         About Midnight Memories: “That we had a real, that we felt like we had a proper creative input on, not just a little bit, but we felt that we had a say over the whole thing.”

·         “it’s incredibly rewarding to be able to make music.”

·         “We’re very lucky that we have great fans that I feel like if we messed up on stage I wouldn’t really feel that embarrassed because I feel like they’re so behind you anyway that it’s cool and they kind of put you at ease too which is a nice feeling which is why it almost encourages us to mess about and be a little off the cuff on stage because they made it easy for us in that way.”

·         “I just feel like a Donny lad that got lucky.”

·         “Maybe when were older and wiser we might be able to put some perspective on it, but….it’s cool.

Zayn

·         “My own personality, individually….”

·         About playing characters/ acting: “When you’re in a band and you’re just portraying who you are as maybe as you know as a musical artist if you’re just trying to sing and be able the music then you’re just being yourself and I think behind that is, is probably the coolest thing to do, but at the same time it also adds pressure because that’s just you and that’s just who you are.”

·         Even to the sense that like when I was twelve or thirteen, I kind of still thought there’d be a chance I’d get super powers and be a superhero. So, I was definitely a dreamer. It took me a bit longer to grow out of that.” He shouldn’t have. I liked this version of Zayn better to be honest.

·         Reiterating: “Yeah, I was definitely a dreamer.”

·         The story we’ve heard 8,000 times about how Louis told him about the plane doing the loopdy loop the first time he was ever on a plane. Like you can just see Louis, stoic face, calm, just flat out lying to Zayn just to mess with him.

·         While on the X-Factor: “And we were in this little box room with bunk beds and a single bed.” Okay, so, who demanded the single bed?

·         Also the X-Factor: “And just seeing other people’s behavior, and you know how they would act and how they would do something or whatever and we were like maybe necessarily we don’t want to do it that way maybe we want to be a bit cooler about that you know we don’t want to wear our sunglasses inside and be weird.”

·         Liam mentioned some cattiness from the other contestants during his bit, I wonder how much of that they faced directly.

·         “Instead of being something else we were just interested in each other, and looking after each other, and being a band and being what we were about.”

·         About people recognizing them from the X-Factor: “one of the biggest shows…in the U.K. at that point.” Shady….or no?

·         “Somebody else…” “a different band” I’m pretty sure he’s the only one who didn’t name Big Time Rush directly.

·         About the blonde streak: “I forgot that I had the Olympics the next day?” Really???? Side eyes him suspiciously.

·         Good phrase: “You’ve made more of a noise.” I liked that.

·         “Sometimes I look to solo artists and feel a bit sorry for them.” Huh?

Harry

·         “I think I had a nice upbringing. My family was really nice to me.” Then he laughs because was that too sarcastic or not? Laugh, Harry, laugh so they know you were just joking.

·         “I grew up thinking everyone’s equal, everyone’s the same.”

·         When he looks at stuff from the X-Factor: “I look like I’m about twelve, and uh, I think it’s amazing to try to comprehend the fact that I was a kid.” – I read that way too heartbreakingly than I’m sure he meant it.

·         “Walking into a record label I always felt like I was walking onto a different planet.”

·         Describing the record studio: “There was like marble everywhere and it was all like shiney.”

·         About being excited about releasing the first album, the first songs after all the support the fans had given them before there was even an album. “It was time for us to give them something back.”

·         “I think we were just praying that people liked it because if they didn’t they’d be like uh, oh okay, maybe not I’ll go home.”

·         “The album had just gone number two,” mumbles…”thanks, Rhianna.” This kid is such a dork.

·         Then he talks about his hard on for sunshine, and all things being outside for at least five minutes.

·         Example: “Even if your car breaks down you’re just chilling in the sun for a bit. It’s actually not that bad.”

·         When they talk about coming back to the U.K. after that first major tour and getting chased by all those girls they all sound so excited, like of I got me hoodie ripped off and Liam lost a shoe and girls were banging on the walls and police had to escort us out, but It was totally great, would recommend 10 out of 10… except for Niall, I’m pretty sure the poor kid was traumatized…. That, or they are still in that I don’t want to offend anyone area.

·         Example: “We ended up going out in like a riot van which was probably a little over the top, but uh,…. It was fun.”

·         How he says, “Shopping mall.”

·         About all the promo and etc. “It was important for us to like justify why the album was number one.”

·         “Standing on the stage used to make me really nervous.” But look at you now….

·         About the second album: “I think you just want to people to hear it, and think it’s wicked.”

·         About putting out new material: “I think first of all you want people to not hate it then if people don’t’ hate it you want them to like it and if people like it you’re like uh,…..”

·         His thoughts on getting number one: “Then I was like sick, then it hit me.”

·         “My job, if you can call it a job.”

·         The trip to Ghana. He talks about it so well. “That it is different when you see it on TV than when you witness it in real life. The thing that triggers a different emotion is like all your senses are taken over by what’s going on, the smell, the smoke, the heat….”

·         “I think a big difference is made up of a bunch of little differences.”

·         “I think gossip is natural.” That would explain his sort of distance that he puts between him and any sort of news that goes out about him. It’s because he knows that its constantly in flux, and anything he says will only be magnified, and that it will make it stay around longer if he does. There just hasn’t been anything out that he really feels like he needs to comment on, but I think he would if he felt it was necessary.

·         “It’s important to remember that the job and the lifestyle aren’t normal.”

·         “It’s always going to be us the people who went through it.”

[the99thchapter]

34

the following are entries from my lunadiary.

2018.12.24 p.m. 01:54  - the last week of 2018 x - let the past be bygone they say, little did you know, the sufferings and obstacles i had faced, To be where i am today never forget your struggles because they're a reminder for every hardship 

2018.12.27 p.m. 08:34 the luxury of happiness x - to feel happy is a luxury because not everyday is filled with joy So If i get to feel happy for every one second I'll be grateful i don't want to feel nothing Forever

2019.01.17 p.m. 05:06 Tbh - Hypothetically speaking, i don't know if I'm passing my stats and cma paper. I didn't revise in depth and I'm just guessing answers. Reminder to myself that if i failed, it was because i wasn't being hardworking enough. I was being complacent. I deserved this. 

2019.04.01 p.m. 11:15 what happens next?  - howto: cope with a broken friendship are there any cures for it? Guidebooks, therapy or prayers?I lost a friend because of my actions. Came to realization that I'm always hurting others. I know how it feels like, and I'm doing it to the people i love. I am the worst.

2019.04.11 p.m. 05:38 My parents.  - My mom thinks I'm here to ruin her life. Look, I'm not trying to make anyone cry or get hurt. But it always come back to the fact that i cause great pain to the people around me indirectly. I made my family cry. I made a friend cry. I make myself cry. It's like i am this terrible person who's causing so much pain to others. I don't get better. I get worse. 

I know my mom has been looking at me like I'm a monster for a while now. Years. She doesn't say it but i can tell. I'm no longer treated like a child, i get scolded like a stranger and I'm not worth of importance anymore. I think this is the universe way of telling me that I'm on my own and i should just deal with it. My dad wants to get closer to me but i push him away repeatedly. I'm a mean person but getting closer means opening up walls and i don't intend to do that. After having broke a parent, this parent should stay away from me. I hurt people so he shouldn't have to deal with me. He's a great dad but he's unlucky to have me. 

My parents are great people and they've been through a lot. My existence is nothing but a nuisance since the beginning. Please, universe. Do them a favour and do myself a favour. Get rid of me. Help them. Save them. That's all I'm asking. 

2019.04.23 p.m. 10:59 Plus one - all i ask for is a man who has a good heart. Someone who is polite in words and actions. not necessarily pious but does his five daily prayers without fail. Able to guide me on the correct path and be my jodoh in jannah. protect me from the evil and love me for who i am. Respects my family as a whole and accepts us for who we are. 

2019.05.09 p.m. 02:03 day 4  - Ya Rabb, i ask that you strengthen my iman. Encourage my heart to perform the five daily salahs and to dzhikir a lot. In this holy month i want nothing but truly your blessings. Taufiq hidayah. Rahmatilah kami semua, terimalah segala ibadah and amalan kami. I'm striving to become a better muslim in the eyes of no one else but Allah SWT. The most gracious, the most merciful.

  2019.07.08 a.m. 09:38 What is wrong with me?  - These words are haunting me at night. Every time i close my eyes, i hear it. "Why are you like that?" "You're not good enough" "The world doesn't need you" "Stop being useless to us." "You're a bad person." Hey, Reality check, i am indeed what these statements truly meant. I know for a fact that no one actually likes me. I radiate bad vibes negativity. People pretend to like me. My personality's kinda fake. Is this why no one wants to stick by me? Is that why the friends that i have now are only pitying me? What do i lack? How can i be a better version of myself? What is wrong with me? 

2019.08.01 a.m. 11:31 the first of august - D-23 to my birthday! To an age that society defines as a brand new decade! My 20's will be the coolest. I can't wait to get my first full time job, to graduate with my diploma, to hop on an airplane, to travel to cities, discover the world, meet people, find love and connection, try new adventures and to simply help the needy.  

2019.08.26 p.m. 02:18 - today i had my last exam for 2.1. the end of a semester. right now I'm sitting i’m the mrt. On my way to bugis. To buy film. But all i can think about is Will today be the day? What if right now is the moment? 

No current commitments. No plans. Just myself. I'm thinking about how in the midst of being surrounded by work to do, i have no time for myself. To recharge, to check in and ask if I'm truly okay..Because I'm not. I really am pushing or suppressing emotions. I'm not allowing myself to let go. No anxiety attacks lately. Am i getting better? Or is this just my mind playing tricks?

2019.10.01 p.m. 10:57 cbtl  - I have work at 8 am which I've decided not to turn up for because i think it doesn't matter if I'm there or not..i love the nature of this new job and the learning outcomes from it but it's been 3 weeks and it's tough. i get that it requires the ability to be quick and precise but i just cant you know? With this particular mgr breathing down my neck every single time, i feel so tensed?? i know the reality is that not every job will be easy but i don't think this barista thingy will work out for me :(  and I'm not deciding to ditch work just bc i can't handle things, but I'm tired from getting belittled for minor tiny ass mistakes i do. Why do people find the need to raise their voice and speak in a degrading manner while pointing out my mistakes which are so frickin small in front of others? To train me to be vigilant next time? Is it working? Yes. But did it hurt my self esteem? Totally. You saw my igstory lately... the one about smacking my face? It still upsets me :( I wasn't rude or anything i was honestly in a confused position. Because i genuinely did not know the exact ingredients to make iced latte (i wasn't taught yet) and the same mgr thinks i do even after telling her i dont!! I asked her if it's made from iced water base but she kept emphasising the word 'ICED LATTE' indicting that i was dumb and she got fed up and said it's milk based + I'll smack your face..rude. She could have told me. The thing about me is that i remember lists really well so if she'd told me at the beginning we could have avoided this moment that ruined my day and hurt my feelings. I know it was my fault for not practicing much last week so that's why when i was asked to make hot espresso drinks it caught me off guard. I told the same mgr that i did not have much opportunity to do so bc the other workers mostly made the drinks and she still belittled me. Also i had to make this drink called Hot Vanilla which is similar to Hot Chocolate and i remember DISTINCTIVELY that one of my colleagues taught me to use cold milk as base so i did the same thing and one of the other colleagues saw and again... in a loud degrading manner pointed out my mistake and proceeded to say things like "YOU ASK AND ASK SO MANY THINGS THEN DON'T BOTHER REMEMBERING SO U ASK FOR WHAT" in a really mean tone... that was uncalled for. i had to choke up my emotions and reply an apology in a joking manner like i always do bc idw to cry.

2019.12.18 p.m. 09:39 the decade in recap - 2009-2019 i was 10 years old then but I'm 20 years old today. I really grew up uh? I went through so many things. I did them. I became who i am today. 

2020.01.21 a.m. 08:45 three weeks into the new year and I'm already over it - year, please be nice to me. I've cried way too much. I don't want to be sad all the time. I want to feel like myself again. It's been years...that for some reason happiness and a good life can't work hand in hand for me. 

2020.01.23 p.m. 08:57 work hard and work smart?  - I studied only two days prior. But in those last two days i put in a lot effort. I sacrificed sleep, my health, hygiene and everything into utilizing every second to absorb as much studying as i can. I convinced myself that i can do it. I can make things work. But did it? I took my tax paper and did mistakes...obvious unforgivable mistakes that i actually practiced so hard on but still did it. I took my finance paper and my mind decided to omit the one information that i needed to answer that question even though I've memorized it repeatedly in my mind beforehand. It's really times like this where i truly am disappointed with myself. I could have done better had i put in more effort. I could have aced it if i did my preparation early. I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling like I'm not as good as my peers. This whole week was so tiring for me. I was alone and realized that i am ALONE alone. My friends? They don't even care about me unless i took initiative to approach them. It's been suffocating lately, trying to take in all the crap that I've been getting. I'm so tired of crying. I don't even want to feel happy anymore. What's the point....

2020.02.19 p.m. 01:06 1 down, 4 more to go - auditing.... you're not my cup of tea. I'll admit it. in the beginning i didn't understand what was going on. but after literally crash coursing on the whole module this past week, i can say i still don't get it. But nevertheless i think i did ok for the paper. Idk. I thought I'd failed my mst only to be surprised by the score. So maybe the universe will work the same way this time. Or not. 

So today i will be going on a full-blown revision marathon for my three papers next week. I'm pinning my hopes on getting at least B+/A for FOT and FOI. IF? we'll strive to get one level about the bare minimum. 

I hope this semester sees an improvement in gpa or maintenance of my current one. Would really break my heart to see it plunge down. To future me, we'll be okay. If we're not, don't beat yourself to it. While the whole "grades don't define you" advice does give a sense of relief, it means shit. Grades matter... At least for university. 

Remember that one day we'll get a degree. Failure isn't forever. 

2020.05.30 a.m. 04:37 Why i don't ask about my jodoh in prayers  - while i do romanticize love based on fiction and the amount of love series i watch, i don't necessarily crave for it. I used to, but i don't. One reason could be that i am not surrounded by many malay guys and two, i am not in a position to be able to experience it. It's both. I don't try and I'll not try. 

[adrenalineguide]

Going Topless: Volkswagen Beetle, Mustang GT and Fiat 124 Spider

Text and Photos by Michael Hozjan

With summer having finally arrived a few months late, almost coinciding with leaf peeping season, I got lucky and was treated to three of the coolest convertibles on the market. If you’re looking to get out of the minivan or suv and put fun back into driving, you needn’t look much further, one of these is sure to please your soul.

Volkswagen Beetle

Several decades ago I was the proud owner of what at the time might have been the oldest convertible Beetle in Quebec, a 1961. The car was a blast to drive and even without any decent heat, I’d often drop the top in the middle of winter and cruise down St. Catherine St. in Montreal.

Those days convertibles reigned supreme, with nearly every model line, from Acadians to Zephyrs, having a convertible version. But ridiculous legislation from the U.S. nearly sent the convertible the way of the dodo. The choice of convertibles has grown in recent years but it’s still relatively slim. The choice of affordable German convertibles is even slimmer. Thank God for the folks at Volkswagen for keeping the drop tops alive throughout the years and model changes from Beetle to Rabbit to Golf and again back to the Beetle. In a sea of jellybean look alike sedans, the Beetle stands supreme in being distinguishable and recognizable.

Yes you’ll find quicker convertibles such as the Mustang and Fiat, but you’ll be hard pressed to find the Teutonic engineering and ride quality that the Beetle offers elsewhere without emptying your bank account. It’s not just that they’re solid, Volkswagens are well thought out, and one of the best examples is the back up camera mounted underneath the big VW crest. While others, like Mazda and Mercedes, to name a few, have Flavor Flave belt buckle sized crests mounted fore and aft and then expose their cameras to the elements, VW’s is protected from mud, dirt and slush so every time you back up, the camera is clean. 

The VW’s rear view camera is always clean (above)compared to other manufacturers’ cameras (below)

The Beetle continues with the same charm that it had in the height of its popularity in the sixties. The cutesy we tried too hard “new” Beetle is gone and replaced by dare I say a more masculine rendition? This one works and everyone agrees it looks great, whether they’re talking about the sedan or the convertible.

Except for minor changes to the bumpers, the 2017 Beetle is unchanged from last year’s model. Like throughout the fifties, sixties and seventies, Volkswagen still believes that if it’s not broken why change it. They do however seem to be adding to the trim lines to satisfy every budget, from the base Trendline ($25,390) up the five trim levels topping off with the Dune edition at $32,890. Canada does not get the high horsepower, sporty Beetle R. Bummer!  

Therefore, no matter which model you choose, the engine driving the front wheels is the same, a 1.8L turbocharged unit that doles out 170 hp and 184 lb.ft. of torque. Sadly VW has discontinued their manual tranny and opted to go only with the 6-speed automatic. A smooth shifting and capable tranny but there’s nothing sweeter than going through the gears yourself on a hot summer night on a curvy road.

My driver for the week was the Classic, pegged one level up from the base model and wearing vintage hub caps on steel wheels with chrome rings in lieu of mag wheels. It just adds more charm to the car. For the additional two grand over the base model, the Classic owner gets smartphone integration, 6.3 inch touchscreen, and 8 Fender speakers for the CD player and sat radio in addition to the Trendline’s base equipment such as heated front seats and washer nozzle and electronic stability control.

My silk blue metallic cabriolet came with a brown top and Sioux brown two-tone cloth and leatherette interior.

Getting away from all the techno and mechanical jargon, if you’ve never driven a Beetle you’re in for a treat. The Beetle is solid, tight and comfortable. The seats are firm yet great for long drives. Controls are easy to reach and manipulate. There’s an air of quality that becomes immediately apparent as soon as you get behind the wheel that few cars in its price range can match. The ride is supple enough to weed out the roughest potholes but firm enough, with undue body roll, to take on spirited driving on the way to the chalet or to your favorite apple picking spot.  Drop the power top and your blood pressure will drop automatically as the Beetle feel good appeal takes charge.

While there are detractors that say the Beetle is on the noisy side I say bull. I found the Beetle quieter with the top down than some sedans are with the windows open. You can easily carry a conversation at highway speeds. The wind deflector mounted behind the front seats reduces wind buffeting and puts the kibosh on any back seat passengers.

Oh and don’t think that convertibles are only for summer and are too cold to drive in the winter. Just like my ’61, this Beetle has a thick insulated top the keeps you as cozy in winter as any sedan. It may be the second most recognized car in the world after the Jeep, but it sure doesn’t have the single layer of vinyl roof of the Jeep.

Throughout the ‘70s the Beetle was an anti-establishment icon. These days it’s as much a fashion statement with just enough retro cues to have baby boomers and millennials appreciate the car.

Price as tested: $27,930

Ford Mustang GT Premium

It happened again. It happens every time I get behind the wheel of a Mustang. I turn into a giddy teenager that just wants to drive and drive and drive and yes smoke the rubber and throw the tail out on occasion. 

The siren that beckoned me to the open road this year was the 5.0L iteration of America’s favorite pony car, the Mustang GT. The last time I was behind the Mustang’s reins, it was powered by a 2.3L EcoBoost four cylinder (the convertible starts at $33,888).  Ya there’s a difference, 435 horses and 400 lb.ft. worth of torque.  And there’s a difference in the sonorous tone of the V-8 as you pull out into traffic, you can’t help but grin.  It’s a melody that transforms you into Frank Bullitt even though the look out the windshield is more reminiscent of a 1971 Mustang than Bullitt’s ’68.

Like the Beetle, the Mustang has the retro flare going on and if memory serves me right is the longest running American built convertible. Which translates to what I said about the Beetle, refinement through the ages.

Those refinements include cowl shake, the Achilles heel of convertibles. Having driven nearly every generation of Mustang throughout the years, this latest edition is easily the stiffest structured Mustang as clearly evidenced with the lack of cowl shake.  

Maybe someone at Ford listened to my constant harping about their pain in the butt infotainement system because this time around everything was childishly simple to use. Or maybe it was just in keeping with the retro motif. In either case, thank you Ford. Matter of fact the whole interior works just fine. Leg, head and shoulder room are plentiful…as long as you’re in the front buckets. Egress and ingress is also excellent, again as long as you’re getting in the front. Despite their initial appearance, the back seats work. This past summer we took my buddy’s girlfriend’s Mustang to the Syracuse Nationals and I’m glad to report the three of us were comfortable throughout the six-hour round trip. So yes it will hold four adults. 

The top has also received more insulation making it quieter, but there’s still ample road noise coming into the cabin. I had to check more than once, when the top was up, if the back windows were down.

My tester came with the 6-speed automatic with steering wheel mounted paddle shifters and a console-mounted switch for normal, sport, track and snow shift point settings. Thankfully the 6-speed manual remains available.  The 5.0L will get you to the century mark on the speedometer in a hair over 5 seconds, yet the stallion can be calmed to be as smooth as a minivan easing you through bumper to bumper traffic. City driving takes a toll on the ‘Stang’s gas mileage - entering suv territory. Even with a soft throttle foot city driving can bring you in the 14L/100kms area. But cruising down the pike will net a miserly 9L/100kms. My average for the week, despite a healthy dose of spirited throttle action cost me 10.8L/100kms. One sore point that I wish Ford would address is the small gas tank, it roughly holds a paltry 60 litres.  

Just how old are Ford’s designers?

The Mustang is obviously the largest convertible tested here (the pony has grown to a full sized horse, but don’t call it a Clydesdale, it’s nimble and carving out the twisties is a greater joy than ever thanks to the independent rear suspension that replaced the solid rear axle two years ago. The electric steering is precise and the standard 18-inch tires perform admirably. As a matter of fact I hit a piece of rebar poking out of an expansion joint just as I moved into the left lane to pass a crawling ten-wheeler on the 13. I was sure it spelled the end of the wheel and tire, yet to my amazement both held up remarkably well.

The Premium GT in base form will set you back $49, 948 with another $1500 for the automatic. My tester had the upgrade radio package, adaptive speed control, back up camera, plastic end caps for the roof cavity when open (a $600 option), nav system and a few other treats. Add the dealer prep and transportation charges and the final tab came in at just under sixty grand, not exactly cheap but there’s a lot of fun factor.

Price as tested: $59, 198

Fiat 124 Spider Abarth

I often get asked what’s the best car on the market, and which would I recommend. My response is always the same, Miata. Which is usually followed by, “ No, seriously, what’s the best car” Again my response is. “Miata.”

“But it’s rear wheel drive and so low to the ground, you can’t drive it in winter.”

 Sadly I get this mostly from Baby Boomers, which should know better and so I counter with, “Did you forget that before the front wheel drive we both grew up with rear wheel drive cars … and survived. Listen the Miata is a blast to drive, fits like a glove and the engine is bulletproof.”

Needless to say when Fiat Chrysler Automobiles finally confirmed they were reintroducing the 124 Spider to these shores I was eager to get my hands on it. My buddy, Dino, had one in the seventies and there were many late summer nights spent in it with the top down cruising downtown Montreal or carving up some country road. Often another friend would fit himself sideways into the rear bench seat.

Unlike the other two convertibles here, the 124 bares no retro cues and the only thing it shares with the old Pinifarina designed car is the twin raised hood panels and six-sided grille. In the original you sat mid-ship with the trunk and hood sharing almost equal space. Not so in the new car, and there’s reason for it, it’s based on Mazda’s MX-5 Miata. Yes, the two are built side by side in Japan.

If you thought the Toyota/Subaru partnership with the 86 and BRZ was weird, than this one tops the cake. But you know something, IT WORKS!

Think about it, you take a world-class chassis structure, like the Miata, mix in Italian suspension, throw in Fiat’s MultiAir 1.4-liter turbocharged four-cylinder (remember - Fiat owns Ferrari and the original 124s had twincam engines penned by legendary Ferrari racing engine designer Aurelio Lampredi) and marry it to the Miata’s wonderful, quick throw, 6-speed manual and send the ponies to the rear wheels through a limited slip differential from Fiat’s performance arm, Abarth, well it’s a recipe for success.

The Abarth version gets 164 horsepower, four more than the standard 124 (thanks to a sport-tuned exhaust), and an impressive 184 lb.ft. of torque with torque peaking at 3,200 rpm. Making it a fun car for the street and good enough to get you to 100 kph in about 6.5 seconds. But the 124 isn’t about 0 to 100 times or quarter mile times, it’s about handling, and that is where the Fiat shines. While I couldn’t get my hands on the latest Miata to do a back-to-back comparison, I’d hazard to say that the Fiat outshines the MX-5.

Power delivery is smooth with just a hint of turbo lag. Brakes are excellent and there’s just enough “give” in the traction control to kick the rear out before it takes over. There’s also sport mode for the suspension.  If the Miata is a fun vehicle to drive the 124 takes it up a notch without sacrificing the ride.

The Miata fits me like a glove, and the Fiat fits like a great pair of Italian loafers. Ingress and egress is easier and there’s just enough added room to keep your from feeling claustrophobic. Except for a few questionable shortfalls the Fiat’s interior is as comfortable as it is attractive. 

Except for the ugly infotainment system screen sticking up like a sore thumb (what ever happened to Italian design?), there’s more of a finished look to the Fiat that the MX-5 misses out on. Heated leather buckets coddle you and offer a generous amount support.

 Ok I’m not nit picking but placing the cup holders behind my elbow doesn’t work in a sports car when I’m shifting. Yes there’s an alternate slot for a cup holder next to the passenger’s knee just waiting for hot coffee to spill. At first glance the Fiat’s trunk is huge compared to the Mazda’s, but upon closer examination you realize that there’s no spare. I’m sorry folks I HATE run flats and any other form of marketing hype including air compressors and canned air, that the automakers are trying to sell us just to avoid throwing in a spare. If you’ve ever had a flat and NOT a slow leak, you’ll know that a compressor will not work, or for that matter if you’ve ever wrecked your rim and blown the air out on our wonderful roads. We need spares not air. The auto club isn’t always there when you need it.

Oh and lastly the Abarth also gets a red faced tachometer. What’s wrong with this picture? Think about it…obviously the guys at Fiat didn’t.

The base 124 will set you back a paltry $32, 890 and the base Abarth starts at $37,995. There are two option packages, the Safety and Comfort Package at $1,300 and the Luxury Collection Package at $5500 that came with my tester. The Luxury Collection includes 9 Bose speakers and subwoofer, GPS, LED lights and upgraded leather seats, sat radio. The hand painted matt black on the hood and trunk lid added another $2,995 to the tag! At over 48 grand, for my money I’ll take the base car thank you and if I want black panels I’ll go with a wrap at a fraction of the price.

Ok the Fiat has a few minor gripes, but all in all it’s a wonderful ride, one that I’d love to have in my driveway. Will it replace the Miata as my most recommended car? While it’s great to see another fantastic sports car on the market and the two cars despite their similarities are just different enough to matter. The Miata has withstood the test of time, it will be very interesting how the Fiat holds up in reliability.

Price as tested:  $48,385