#yes i know its Godless

[dangoulains-devotion]

yuffie has many interesting elements to her but people refuse to move past "i find energetic kids annoying" and it makes me sad

[boxofbonesfic]

Title: Brave [6 of ?]

Pairing: Orc!Steve x Reader

Summary: The pass takes its toll on the pack.

Warnings: 18+ Only, Genre typical violence, Warlord Nomad AU, Dark Fantasy AU, Enemies to lovers, Eventual smut, References to past abuse, Fighting, Monsters, Animal Death, Violence, Mildly described gore

A/N: i’m having a ridiculous amount of fun with this story, can you tell? as usual, reblogs and feedback are appreciated and always welcome.

The storm rages at your backs as the pack travels west. Wind rips at the furs you have wrapped around yourself, a makeshift shield for the freezing rain. The water stings your hands and face like little needles, and you hunch down over your horse. The rolling hills of the grass sea crest higher and higher until they are hills no longer, but great cliffs that begin to rise darkly in the distance. You swallow a nervous lungful of air, and taste ozone and horse-sweat on your  tongue. 

The Orcs ride close together now, forming a tight shape as they move through the grass sea. What did Carol call it? The zikaegina. Lightning cracks overhead, and for a moment, your eye is drawn to movement—but darkness crashes down too quickly for you to make sense of it. 

A bird? Above the storm? You grip the reins tight, remembering the stag. It’s wild yellow eyes, slavering jaws. 

“The sea is where chaos reigns free, where Halith’s light cannot reach.” That was what they had told you in the chapel. “The further you go, the more godless it becomes.” You shiver. You know only the falsehoods you have been taught by king and country—and the land has been savage, yes, but also beautiful. Halith’s light had never reached you in your father’s house, when you had prayed and begged for it, so why should you care if her indifference cannot reach you here? You look up at the sky, riven into pieces again with a burning bolt—

There are different Gods here, you can feel it. 

The cliffs jut up before you like jagged teeth, spearing the clouds above them. Fog rolls out of the mouth of the pass, so thick you fear you might choke on it. Carol rides up beside you, her back ramrod straight. With one hand she tightly grasps the reins, while the other rests on the pommel of the great-sword at her hip. At the front, Steve silently holds up his hand, forming a tight fist as he slows his horse. The tension is as thick as the fog. You know the horses feel it too as they shift, their ears flicking about nervously. 

I wonder if they hear something we do not. 

“Eyes up, little human. Eyes up.” Carol whispers, her voice barely audible. Though the rain stings your eyes, you do as she says, staring upward into the dark fog. The sounds of wind and rain echo off of the slick rocks, but the air feels eerily still as the storm rages far above you. 

We are not alone here. 

You are reminded of Carol’s warning—other things used it too—and you hunch lower. One of the horses whinnies, the sound echoing up the quiet cliffside. The rider silences it as Steve turns, his hand held up as a sign to stop, to wait. 

The screech echoes all around you, the horrible, piercing noise of it making you clap your hands against our ears to block it out. Trembling, you cast a terrified look at Carol. Slowly, she raises a finger to her lips. Quiet. Above you, somethingskims low through the fog, something dark.

Something big. 

No one moves. The horses stand stock still, and when you look down at your own, his eyes are bright with fear, rolling back and forth in his head. An answering cry pierces the storm, and this time when lightning illuminates the sky, you see it. It clings to an outcropping of rock, crawling silently down the slick stones. It is covered in, dark, wiry fur, with leathery wings that tremble excitedly as it reaches a horrible talon down toward Steve—

Quicker than you’d thought he could move, Steve grabs for his axe, swinging it upward in a clean, bright arc. There is an awful wet, tearing sound as he cleaves the screaming creature in two, black blood spraying his face. His horse whinnies, rearing up as Steve rips the axe clean of the thing’s body. Its carcass falls to the ground, steaming in the cool night air, and for a moment there is silence. 

“Zhut! Ride!” Steve’s bellow trembles in your bones. “Make for the city!”

Chaos erupts around you, but it is as though time has slowed to a crawl. You watch, horrified as more dark shapes drop from the sky above you, descending on the scrambling pack in a flurry of hungry claws and teeth. The rider in front of you loses his head in an instant, the bat-thing slamming into him as its jaws open unnaturally wide. You blink, feeling his warm blood on your own face as it bites down with a sickening crunch, its snout and chest covered in sticky red. It turns those big, hollow eyes to you, a long tongue darting out to lick at the blood staining its face. You have no time to reach for the bow at your back as it lunges for you, talons outstretched—

The beast’s black blood joins that of the Orc rider’s on your skin, stinking and acrid as Carol’s blade lands with a dull thunk. One of its claws lands in your lap, and you scream as it twitches. You sweep it to the ground, and Carol grabs you by the shoulder, shoving a short, curved blade into your shaking, bloody hands. 

“Ride!” She screams the word into your face, pointing forward into the mist. You snap the reins, holding on for dear life as the horse rears back, hooves fiercely pawing at the air. You and Carol take off, with her swinging the sword around your heads, trying to fend off the screaming, hungry swarm. The blade in your hands would be little more than a dagger for Carol, but for you, it is a short sword, light enough for you to wield with a single hand as you cling desperately to the reins. 

Claws clip your cheek, your shoulder, your horse screams—you don’t realize you’re airborne until you hit the ground, the breath knocked out of you. You scramble up to your feet as your head spins. There are three of them, attached to the writhing body of your horse not twenty feet away. Your ears ring with the sounds of battle around you, and the sour tang of blood burns in your nostrils. Others, your own.

“Run! You must run!” Carol beckons you forward, and your thighs burn as you run toward her horse. You can hear another of the creatures behind you, its wings beating against the wind as its claws narrowly miss the skin of your back—it crashes into you, sending you sprawling into the mud for the second time. It lands on top of you, it’s bloody jaws frothing as it snaps at your face. You grab for the sword, straining as its rotting breath rolls across your cheeks—

The creature squawks in pain and then goes still and limp on top of you. Its blood leaks down onto your hands from the hilt, your sword buried in its chest.  Numb and dizzy, you stare up at the seething sky above you. 

“Up, my brave warrior,” Steve replies, rolling the body off of you. He swings you up into his arms, seating you firmly on his horse in front of him. “Eyes forward.” He hands you the reins, brandishing his axe. “I will do the rest.” You do as he says, keeping your eyes focused straight ahead. You don’t stray, not when the axe whistles through the air above your head, or when the narrow pass widens out back out into the grass sea, the creatures screams echoing behind you. 

to be continued…

next

[tteodoroki]

power [creator!reader]

cw: slight angst, self blame, not beta-read we die like La Signoria

note: I haven’t written anything in a hot fucking minute but I’ve been so obsessed with the sagau concept lately and the harbingers and wanted to just write down a little piece of a scene i’ve been imagining for a while and it’s pretty half assed so my bad.

Absolute power corrupts absolutely. That’s how the saying goes, anyway.

You witnessed firsthand how power corrupts the mortals of Teyvat. From the beginning, when the land had yet to be divided into the seven nations, you had the misfortune of witnessing the people of this world give into the corruption. Brother betraying brother. The rise and fall of an entire civilization. Even the Archons themselves were not immune to man’s folly. The seven gods that you so carefully crafted with love and a mere breath would come to indulge in their darker desires just as the mortals of Teyvat do.

What a shame. If you knew then that the world that you would create would become so divided and corrupt, maybe you would have never created it to begin with. It was a rather dark thought, but it was one that has been plaguing you since you’ve descended Teyvat.

“You look like you have eaten a bad sweet flower, your grace.” Pantalone mused, mirth dancing in his spectacle covered eyes as you blinked, snapping out of your train of thought.

“My apologies, Pantalone, my mind seems to be elsewhere recently.” You sighed, offering the man a sincere apology. You knew how valuable his time was as a Harbinger and business man.

Pantalone shakes his head, dismissing your apology. Despite your humble and gentle nature, Pantalone (and the rest of the Harbingers) still couldn’t accept any form of apology or admission of wrongdoing from you. You were their creator, the one above any Archon, the being that was revered even among godless nations. To him and his colleagues, you never had to seek forgiveness for anything. If anyone incurred your disappointment or anger, it was for a good reason.

“What seems to be troubling you?” Pantalone inquires gently.

“The state of Teyvat, it is not what I remember.” You frown, glancing around at the familiar interior of his office. It was dark and minimalistic in nature, but exuded wealth and status. A perfect reflection of its owner.

“It has been over a millennia since you last walked among the seven nations.” Pantalone pointed out. Sure, things were different compared to when you last walked the land, and you still loved your creations just the same, but there was a sadness that sat deep in your chest, almost like you were mourning what once was.

“I blame myself for the current state of Teyvat. From the Cataclysm and the extinction of Khaenri'ah, to the death of Greater Lord Rukkhadevata, even the Vision Hunt Decree in Inazuma. So many tragedies, so much senseless violence.” You closed your eyes, picturing the many atrocities that happened. Devastation and ruin that you could have stopped if it weren’t for your naivety as a young God. If only you intervened earlier, maybe things would be different. It broke your heart knowing that the world that you created turned into something so dark and twisted. You could feel the withering in Sumeru’s forests and the torrential storms that clouded Inazuma’s islands. Famine, disaster, war, loss; you never imagined this is what would become of your precious Teyvat.

“What is it that you propose?” Pantalone asks. Out of all of the Harbingers, Pantalone was the most realistic and honest. While he did yearn for your attention and happiness just like his colleagues, he was not only someone you could confide in, but also someone that you sought out for further advice. Despite being Teyvat’s creator, you were not all knowing. Pantalone once asked why it was his advice you seeked, and your answer was clear; he was honest. Yes, speaking with the Tsaritsa or any of the Archons was strongly encouraged, but they all wanted to appease you. None of them were honest with their thoughts and advice if it was at the expense of your happiness. No, Pantalone was always honest with you, which you were grateful for. So, in exchange, you were always honest with him. Even if he failed to understand your plight, he was at least someone that you could trust.

“The rebirth of Teyvat.”

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 54

hello and welcome to fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

all i want for christmas by tusslee

“Listen,” Lance squeezes Keith’s fingers in his hands, “I’m as bad at this as you probably are and this is going to be really cheesy, but that’s the way I was raised and I know I act like an idiot around pretty girls, but I’m an even bigger idiot around you. Go ahead and try to guess why that is. No, actually don't do that."

this one is gonna be an xmas special!! even though im writing this before halloween lol. anyways. this was so cute!! lance being all stressed about what he should get keith bc he's all in love w him any everything. so real.

2. You're Here (Where You Should Be) by @blue-wanderer

"And if you’re worried about the cameras just take care of them.” “Take care—! Take care of them? With what, Keith?” “I don’t know?” Keith asks, busily testing his foothold in the gate and generally ignoring the rising storm cloud of ire behind him. “With a gun?” “A gun? This isn’t some sort of black ops storming an enemy base thing! This is a Christmas tree thing!” “I don’t see a difference? You’re the sharpshooter. Shoot out the cameras.” “Let me just pull a gun out of my ass, Keith!” “OK, problem solved,” Keith agrees, taking another step up the gate. “Nothing is solved you dumb country space redneck!”

Or Keith and Lance may be disasters at decorating, but Christmas still manages to work its magic on them.

i bookmarked this like a year ago and let me tell you all i needed to hear was dumb country space redneck and i was hooked 😭😭 and it lived up to the name fr. hate the canon ending? want lance to not be a farmer while still acknowledging his struggles with homesickness? want some whipped keith and meddlesome kosmo? want some cheesy xmas feels? click ahead!

3. make my wish come true by angelbolt

“A world where one has to fight for custody of one’s boyfriend is a godless one,” Lance muttered, slumping so he was leaning against Hunk. Shiro exchanged some final words with Kolivan before the screen blipped out. Ah yes, the ideal Christmas Eve: long boring talks and war meetings. Wonderful. ❆❅❆ keith comes home for christmas.

fun game idea: take a shot every time you see a klance xmas fic with a mariah carey lyric. lol. ANYWAYS yall know me and established relationship + early season dynamics!! i am obsessed!! and this fic delivers!! grumpy lance pov who just wants the rest of the world to fuck off for a couple days so he can have his bf around. he's such a voice of the people

4. i'll be home for christmas by @thespacenico

A severe bout of winter weather threatens to stop Shiro from making it home for his first Christmas with Keith. Shiro is ready to do whatever it takes to keep his promise.

okay this one is from darcy's i've got you brother, which i am obsessed with and have cried over several times, and which just recently updated! this fic is so cute and a adashi with young keith always fucking gets to me, man. they're just so. shiro being so desperately determined to keep his promise to young keith who has had so many promises broken that he doesnt even expect shiro to try. but is happy that he does. sobbing.

5. the greatest gift of all by dumpsterdiva

Keith’s mouth hung open for a few seconds before he stammered, “D-do you really mean that?” Lance looked a bit sheepish as he said, “I… It’s crazy, right? I mean, it’s way too soon. You know I was kidding.” Keith straightened up. “Well, I’m not. Marry me.” “What?!” “You heard me, you coward. Marry me.” “That’s the worst proposal ever!” “Worse than you threatening me with marriage so I would stop talking about how amazing you are?”

YOU GUYS KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT PROPOSAL FICS. i feel ksjbskdbqjdbqwlwd about them. okay. and throw in a christmas setting??? and banter?? and a MODERN AU?? i am doing my best, people. this fic had me shoving a pillow into my face and screaming.

that’s it for today!! happy holidays! merry christmas!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!

[missmoondrops]

Thinking about a scene where a fallen angel is ensnared by a dark enchantress. She finds him, wounded and sobbing, at the foot of the grand staircase which pours down into the entrance of her castle. He is bathed in moonlight, his olive skin kissed by its silver, his once-striking wings now fragile and broken. As the cries flee his throat and echo throughout the many, many halls, her bare feet slither closer, until he finally senses her coming down those plush steps. His reddened face whips her way.

"What troubles you?" she would ask, her face cold and irresistible.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be here."

"You've been cast down, haven't you? Denied grace?"

His features contorted at her words, conveying something bitter, yet powerless–something between anger and agony.

"For so long, He was my north. And now..."

"Now you're godless," the enchantress concluded, as she drew a leg out from between the folds of her dress and calmly sat at his side. "Whatever your sin, He must've thought it unforgivable," she then mused.

"To Him, I was unforgivable."

"Yes. You were. Always," she asserted, drawing close. "If He wanted you to know what it would take for you to be forgiven, you would. But you don't, do you?"

The angel painfully shook his head in response. For a passing moment, it was as though he now sought such forgiveness in her eyes. The enchantress carefully put a hand on his chest, and began to rub at his heart. A tiny smile touched her lips. It lulled, and lulled, and lulled the angel until she caught him unawares, gripping his jaw.

"Make no mistake. This is by design. He liked you when you came close. So close," she drawled, as she cinched her brow. "But He loved you most when you came up short. What you need is a new god. One you know exactly how to please."

She let out a little laugh at the sight of him then. His chest as it nervously rose and fell, his lips quivering between her fingers, his robe tenting as his eyes begged her not to look...

"You don't want me. I'm lesser now. I've lost my strength, my insight, my way. I can't even fly," he managed, in his broken voice.

"Say 'please'," was all the enchantress said, as she let go of his jaw, finally allowing him the room to cover his immodesty.

"W-what?"

"You want me to feel sorry for you? Pity you?" She rose to tower over him. "Beg for it."

The angel was disturbed to find a deep, uncontrollable passion take root in his chest. He struggled against it briefly before he let the word slip past his lips. "Please," he entreated, under his breath, and the enchantress saw many things in his face when he looked up at her: shame, willingness, humility.

Most of all, however, she saw pain–the kind that can only be excised when it is deepened.

Months later, his cries can be heard in the castle's halls again. There is no corner they do not reach. Whether in chambers, in corridors, or in courtyards, his obscenity fuels the enchantress. It is the best way, he has learned, to provoke her disrespect. As she fills and fucks and berates her angel into ecstasy, he will thank her for her mercilessness. And as he lies exhausted with his head draped over her chest, he will thank her for the two scars on his back, where his wings used to be.

[thatsthewrongwallcraig]

In The Woods Somewhere

Chapter 1: Mortification Of The Flesh

Summary: What are you left to do, finding yourself in a place you can’t call home but home isn’t a place you can return to either?

Pairing: Father Ignatius x nun!afab!Reader

Word Count: ~ 1.7k

Content Warnings: Dead Dove Do Not Eat 18+!, Graphic Discourse About Guilt, Shame And Trauma, Explicit Self-Destructive Behaviour Under The Pretense Of Self-Flagellation, Abusive Family Relations, Hurt/No Comfort

A/N: The Lambs Of God fandom is tiny! Please consider reblogging and leaving a comment <3

Story-adjacent Playlist here!

No pressure tags: @theprettiesthead @queer-crusader @midnight-mess @blueberrypancakesworld

She moved with shameless wonder

The perfect creature rarely seen

Since some liar brought the thunder

When the land was godless and free

- Foreigner’s God By Hozier

“Are you not hungry, Sister?” Carla quipped as the beautifully red-headed woman drilled a fork into a piece of somewhat overcooked and under-seasoned potato.

“Not much, I’m afraid.” Your answer came just as void of motivation as your overall interest in having dinner that cloudy evening.

Summer was passing a little more each day now and the first cold winds had started to creep into the many cracks of the old stone walls. However, it wasn’t only the swift drop in temperature that made you shimmy lightly in your tightly knitted robe.

“Can I please be excused? Sister Margarita?” You turned to look at the oldest woman sitting across from you at the table.

Sister Margarita looked up from her assortment of steamed late-summer vegetables, slightly chapped lips pursed into an inquiring expression.

“I don’t feel all too well, Sister. I would very much like to go to be early tonight.” The older woman listened to your explanation, lowering her fork whilst looking at you; examining.

“Iphigenia, don’t you think she looks quite pale today?” Margarita turned to the last member of your tiny and overly secluded sisterhood, not immediately addressing you, even if it was very much your problem, which was the topic of discussion at the dinner table right now.

“Oh, dear, yes, I was thinking that as well, Margarita.” Iphigenia nodded in agreement before bringing the discourse back to you, “You are excused, my dear. Please let me know if you need anything, a calming cup of tea, perhaps?”

With a fake smile adorning your lips, you waved the kind offer off and quickly removed yourself from the dinner table, hasty steps carrying you to the chambers you shared with Sister Carla. She was a few years younger than you yet much better versed in the ways this monastery was run by the older Sisters since she’d spent her entire life here, unlike you. You’d been sent here, discarded by your parents after being kicked from a catholic all-girls high school for being a quote-unquote “troublemaker”. Troublemaker… you scoffed upon remembering the afternoon they’ve had you pack all your most prized possessions in a small suitcase, barely 2 hours before being shipped here like a parcel which was lacking a “Return to sender!” note. Your parents paid good money to the church on the mainland to have you kept here; fed, clothed, and indoctrinated thoroughly. It had been about 10 years now, the occasional letter from your parents arriving around Christmas and some years also around Easter when they could be bothered to remember having an eldest daughter and not just their little love child in the form of your younger brother.

Lost in thoughts, you kicked the heavy door open, letting it fall back into its frame equally unfazed after you entered the room and threw yourself onto your bed, face buried into the flimsy pillow to muffle a deep groan clawing its way out of your throat. Some nights you could barely stand to be here yet being at “home” wasn’t something you would’ve wanted either. There was no real place like a home for you anymore and this brittle, old monastery in the very middle of buttfuck nowhere was unfortunately the best you could get.

You whined your frustration into the pillow anew before turning onto your back and staring at the gray-in-gray stone ceiling; thoughts wandering from one source of frustration to the next, accompanied by a guilty pang vibrating through your empty stomach.

Every quarter a priest from the mainland paid the Sisters of St. Agnes a visit. You’ve heard Sister Iphigenia joke about it being his quarterly holiday but you hardly believed this place to be the location of Father Ignatius’ vacation desires. Did priests even go on vacation? You shrugged your shoulders subconsciously. It was only a matter of days before he’d come around again like the Inquisition to make sure this far-off place didn’t stray far off the scripture just because the sisterhood very much could. Unfortunately, nobody here seemed to harbor this kind of sentiment, nobody besides you; half-torn between the sacred writings and experiences from your past life still beating and begging for attention inside of you.

The latter ones had been awfully loud inside your thoughts again, primitive wants and needs thrashing through your body from the time you’d wake up to the point you’d drift off into sleep. No matter how devoted you’d knelt in prayer to whomever, might it be a god, the universe, or the spirits of the forest of this old land, the pressing thoughts of desire had prevailed to haunt you through every waking moment.

You knew them all too well and where they'd get you once your resistance slipped, the still painfully vibrant memories of your mother's manicured nails smacking against your cheekbone your imminent reminder. A whore, she'd called you, a cheap slut working the corner in no time, she'd fired those words at you like flesh-piercing ammunition, bellowing at you to get your shit together and stop sobbing so pathetically.

Thinking about it, you felt a sense of rage mixing with the guilt. Men made you do stupid things, terribly stupid, stupid, stupid! First the janitor's son back in high school and now this priest with his pretty hair and beautiful eyes. No, stop! Your own hand slapped against your cheekbone and you shook your head, not quite crying but squirming in shame most certainly.

“No…no!” The brief sting of pain wasn't enough to rip you out of it and the next thing you sought to help yourself with were the palms of your hands pushing into your eye sockets until your whole skull throbbed from the rapidly building pressure.

“Stupid whore! Dumb slut! Shit daughter! Disgrace!” The words spilled from your mouth in your mother's fashion over and over again until you bit down into the flesh of your wrist to keep your lips from betraying you. A pained wince was muffled by your teeth pressing into the skin of your arm, leaving reddened dents after pulling away again.

You found yourself breathing heavily as you came down from your sudden outburst, a hot wash of tears forming at your lower lash line with eyes bloodshot from the harsh assault.

Pathetic! Pathetic! Pathetic!

Couldn't even control your own wretched thoughts! No wonder your parents wanted nothing to do with you. You were useless and perverted and…oh, no…don't you sniffle just now about your own incompetence. Don't cry.

Don't. You. Cry. Now.

And you choked it all back, every little sob or wail. All of it back down your burning throat like sanding paper against splintering wood. Accumulating pain rippled through you in tiding pulses and yet it didn’t feel like you were suffering enough, it had to be more to be truly cleansing, to make you stop wanting things you mustn’t desire.

With your thoughts racing and reeling through your mind, you tried to remember where you’d discarded the whip Sister Margarite had made you craft during the very first weeks of your stay here on the island. The oldest Sister had been frighteningly adamant about it and at first, you’d believed the crude tool to be for beating you through the halls and corridors but that hadn’t been the case, at least not by someone else’s hand. No, no, Sister Margarite supervised the making of this leathery thing to have you gift it to yourself eventually, advising you to use it on your own demand. Only lately have you started even considering it. For years, the torturous tool had been left to collect dust…but where, damn it, where?

You couldn’t recall it fast enough but your atonement also couldn’t wait, you’d have to make due somehow. Like lightning, the decision struck, and mere seconds later you shoved your hands underneath the loose collar of your robe, fingertips creeping across your collarbones and up behind the curve of your shoulders until dirty, bitten-off nails drilled down into the skin. You wanted to scream as you pulled your clawing hands back to your chest, raggedy nails tearing through the first layers of skin at ease, however, you forbade yourself from emitting the faintest sound; suffering in silence the only righteous way about it.

And again, hands reaching back to clasp into the quickly forming groves of torn skin to wreak havoc some more, until…until…droplets of wet warmth pooled around your trembling fingertips, squelching along the curve and soaking dark red spots into the knitted patterns of greyish wool.

You still felt like crying but effectively rendered yourself too numb to do so. Finally, the pain thundering through your every nerve ending now had burned it all away, every malevolent and treacherous thought of things that mustn't be thought, felt and god forbid experienced.

Every little expression on your face slipped off of it as you sat yourself back up, the cloth-covered hay mattress underneath you rustling quietly; the only leftover want being that of having a little space to yourself, someplace to hide away at for an hour or two. With your hands still firmly pressed against the self-inflicted cuts and scratches, you fled this room you shared with Sister Carla, although the two of you usually stuck with one another, she didn’t need to know everything.

The confessional, you thought, the makeshift shack forming a confessional with doors to maintain a modicum of privacy.

[the-fiction-witch]

Lil Lady P2

Media - Godless Character - Whitey Winn Couple - Whitey X Reader Reader - Y/n Winn Rating - Sweet af Word Count - 2615

Warnings for childbirth!

Part One

As I finished knocking on the last fence post, I felt the exhaustion in my bones and my sweat trickling down my face. I removed my hat and used it to wipe off the sweat while taking a deep breath of satisfaction. I looked around and saw my jumper resting on the rocking chair on the porch, where I had left it before starting my work. My sleeves were rolled up to my elbows, and I wore a pair of suspenders to keep my pants up while working.

Taking a moment to look over the place, I admired our little one-room farmhouse with its small porch and rocking chair out front, where I often spent my evenings drinking lemonade and enjoying the sunset. I had built a small, sheltered stable to the side of the house where Ted, our beloved horse, resided. The crop field was to the side of the house, and I had planted a variety of crops. A small pen full of chickens was nearby, where we got our daily dose of fresh eggs, and I had marked out an area for a well to provide us with fresh water.

It wasn't much, but it was home, and I loved it. I saw so much potential in this place, and I couldn't wait to see it come to fruition. However, I had to accept that I was just one man, used to a cushy office job as a deputy. So, I continued to work hard and make the most of what I had, knowing that every little improvement would bring me closer to my dreams.

I turned my head towards the sound of the porch creaking and my eyes lit up with delight. Standing before me was Y/n, the love of my life, who had always been beautiful, but today she looked even more breathtaking. She stepped onto the porch, her small house slippers barely making a sound on the wooden planks. She was wearing a white cotton nightie that clung to her curves in all the right places, and a dressing gown wrapped around her shoulders, which accentuated her baby bump. Her Y/h/C hair was styled in a long braid that cascaded down her back, and her sweet Y/E/C eyes looked towards me with a warm smile. I couldn't help but feel a sense of wonder and admiration as I gazed at her.

"Well Hiya Lil lady, what can I do ya for Mrs Winn?" I tipped my hat to her,

"Very funny Mr Winn," she laughs,

"what are ya doin' out of bed?" I went over leaning on the porch railing,

"strechin' my legs,"

"I know you're gettin' a lil cabin fever but go on back to bed you need to keep off them legs till baby comes," I told her,

"I'll be alright for five minutes whitey," she pleads,

"Alright but not a second more," I told her,

She nodded with a happy smile so I moved closer running my hands over her bump and peppering it with kisses, so she rests her hands in my hair.

"Umm Hiya lil baby." I cooed, "You are gettin' so big,"

"He's getting ready to come out,"

"I know he is, Lil baby must be gettin' excited after seein' that nice crib I made him,"

"Yes... the crib,"

"What?"

"Nothing,"

"Something wrong with my woodwork?"

"...No whitey," she chuckled,

"Good, besides the first couple weeks, we'll just wanna cuddle him up in our arms,"

"I'm sure we will," she chuckled, "what have you been doing all morning anyway?"

"I did the fence like ya asked," I told her showing off my work, "Ain't I just the handsome, rugged, livin' of the land hubby ya always dreamed of lil lady?" I cuddled her from behind my chin on her shoulder and my hands on her belly,

"Yes," she smiled, "Whitey?"

"Mhm?"

"Where's the gate?"

I then looked around the whole fence and noticed, "God damn it! forgot the bloody fence." I sighed,

"You gonna have to start again,"

"...Nah I'll just make a hole where the gate needs to be," I shrug heading down to get my tools,

"Ah yes, the handsome, rugged, livin' of the land hubby I always dream of, full of solutions,"

"It's why ya married me," I smirked,

"Come on lil one, let's get you something nice to eat," she said heading back inside,

"Alright, ya get yourself back to bed while I get this done."

"Will do!" she calls,

"Love ya!"

"Love you too!"

I sat outside, breathing in the crisp evening air as I slowly rocked back and forth in my cherished rocking chair. The endless void of darkness that surrounded me was only broken by the soft glow of the lantern by the door, its light the only source of illumination for miles. The moon was absent tonight, and the only sounds that could be heard were the occasional clunks and clatters from the chickens and the stable. Despite the stillness, I found it comforting out here. It was our own little slice of paradise, secluded from any troubles or concerns that may exist elsewhere. Our humble abode was a place where we could build and raise our family, and I cherished every moment spent in its peaceful embrace.

There are moments when I find myself overcome by a sense of longing for my former home in Labelle. I miss the familiar faces of Bill and Maggie, the old guy who ran the local saloon, where I spent many a pleasant evening - sipping on a cold beer, chatting with friends, and enjoying the lively atmosphere. I also miss the convenience of having a dry goods store nearby, where I could easily pick up some orange drops.

Despite these feelings, I know that our move was the right decision for all of us. I can no longer think solely of myself since I have a wife and a baby to care for now. This new chapter of our lives will bring new opportunities and challenges, and I'm excited to see what the future holds for us.

Speaking of which, I jolted almost falling out of my chair and I heard a scream from inside, my first thought was immediately either Spider. or Snake. So I bolted inside and saw Y/n in bed clutching her stomach. Oh fuck... it's labour!

"Y/n lil lady are you alright!"

"DO I look alright!"

"How long did this start?"

"I've been feeling strange all day, but It's only gotten worse, but now-" She was cut off by her own scream,

"Ohh okay," I gulped, "You're not meant to go into labour for another week, doctor ain't coming out will Sunday,"

"Well, doctor or not Baby is coming whitey!"

"Ohhhhhh fuck. shit. fuck. fuck. Okay... if I saddle Ted up fast and ride like a mad man I can be to the nearby down in an hour grab the doctor and come back another hour-" I began but another scream erupted me,

"We don't have two hours whitey!"

"We don't?" I asked and my blood ran cold as she pulled away the sheets tears straining her face as we were far from a doctor being called on, "Ohh shit."

"Whitey... you-"

"No. No. No. I can't-"

"Whitey you have to!" she cried,

"I can't deliver a baby!"

"Well I can't do it can I!"

"I know... I... I don't know what to do!"

"You read the baby book,"

"I skimmed it!"

She screamed again, "You put it in there whitey! just do it backwards!"

"I don't think me puttin' my dick into this situation will help,"

"Whitey!"

"Okay! okay!... don't worry lil lady I will figure this out," I told her kissing her head, I grabbed the baby book, I grabbed a blanket, towels, a large bowl, and a glass and bottle of whiskey. Putting everything at the end of our bed, I grabbed the glass and opened the bottle pouring myself a glass but before I could drink it she grabbed it and shot it. "Y/n!" I almost laughed at her,

"What!"

"You're pregnant!"

"He's leaving. and I'm in agony. Double shot." She demanded handing me the glass back, I didn't argue and poured her more before taking a swig myself for confidence. I flicked through the book and set things up as best I could based on the descriptions. And also doing my best not to get freaked out or vomit but... it's terrifying I think I deserve some credit.

It was hard to watch her in so much pain, but I did everything I could for her trying my best to make it easy she had tossed the glass and was now just swigging right from the bottle which did seem to help her. And then it was all so sudden, her screams became violent as she cursed and swore my very existence, and then I saw a head, then shoulders, then the whole baby was out, so I scooped him up in my blanket as fast as I could and handed him to Y/n without even thinking. For a moment I think we both just reverted to pure instincts.

And suddenly it was calm.

And what a sight it was, Y/n sat up in our bed, our little baby boy in her arms his face against her chest. She had the sweetest tears in her Y/E/C eyes, her Y/h/C hair matted and messy, both of them covered in fluids and blood but I went over and kissed his little head cradling them both gently in my arms.

"I've never been so happy, he's perfect,"

"He is... our perfect lil boy,"

"Our sweet lil boy," I cooed, "There is nothin' I wouldn't do for ya, and for him. I swear it Y/n. I love ya both so much,"

"I love you too whitey," We shared a soft kiss and I helped her through the rest of the birthing stuff making sure everything was as it should be before I got my turn I held his little body in my arms and I was so smitten, he had little Y/E/C eyes just like her, but some shaggy blonde hair like me. And I loved him the moment he came into this world, I nuzzled my head against him like I had so often when he was inside her, and it even felt the same.

"My son... my sweet lil boy,"

"cosy?" she asks as she lays in bed resting after everything,

"Very, ya think of a name yet?"

"Lucas," She smiled,

"Lucas? Awww lil Lucas. I love it." I smiled, "Lil Lucas Winn. That's a big strong name for a big strong boy," I cooed,

"It is, a big strong farm boy."

I chuckled, "A big strong farm boy, with a mama and a hubby who love each other very very much," I kissed her head, "Rest Lil lady, I got him for a while,"

"You sure?"

"I'm fine, he's so lil how much trouble can he be?"

"Famous last words," she giggled, "Goodnight WHitey,"

"Goodnight Y/n," I smiled, and she was out almost like a light, "Guess it's just you and me for a Lil while Lucas. I promise ya I am goin' to take care of ya and give ya the best life in the world."

As I stood outside on a hot day, taking care of the chickens, Y/n was busy feeding Lil Lucas inside the house. I noticed one of the chickens, which I had nicknamed 'Pecky', was trying to peck my boots off, so I had to tell it off. I carefully set the feed down out of reach and made my way to the porch for a moment of relief. Suddenly, I spotted two horses heading our way, and my heart began to race. I wasn't sure who they could be or what their intentions were. I quickly headed back inside to grab my guns, just in case.

Soon enough, the horses approached the fence, and I could see that it was Bill Mcnue and Y/n's father. So I stood my ground,

"Mornin' pleasant day for some farmwork," Bill said,

"That it is," I answered,

"You're corns lookin' a little wilted, you need some water on it quick."

"Rain's comin' tomorrow. No point water loggin' it. Besides I ain't finished the well yet."

"Alright, you best get that done."

"Yeah, I better. what'd ya want?"

"Course, I uhh I'm Sherrif Bill Mcnue from down Labelle,"

"I know who ya are." I snapped back never lowering my guns,

"We're looking for the Winn Farm, We in the right place?"

"Ya are."

"...Whitey?"

"Hiya Bill,"

"God damn- I barely even-"

"So you're the fucker who knocked up my daughter and bolted with her-" Her father began but I clocked my gun,

"Hey! I know ya wanna beat my ass for what I did. But you're in my neck of the woods now Mr. This is my farm and I paid a cool five dollars for that very bit of land ya standin' on, so as it is ya trespassin' on my hand. and as an Ex Lawman myself I know for a fact ya come over that fence I am well within my rights to shoot ya between the eyes. Ain't that so Bill?"

"He's right." Bill nodded,

"where's my daughter?" He asked,

"Y/n's restin',"

"I wanna see her! I wanna see her take her home!"

"You have no right-"

"She's my daughter! I have every right to take her home!" he tried to come over the fence,

"Not anymore ya don't!" I warn, "We got married in a local chapel just an hour's ride from here, lovely lil place I recommend it. We're married, Mr and Mrs Winn legally all states, all rules, all laws, she ain't just a daughter ya can take home Mr, This is her home now."

"Let me see my daughter!"

"She. Is. Restin'."

"Let me see her!"

"Will ya quit ya shouting!" I yelled back, "We have a sleepin' baby in the house, and a woman still recoverin' from labour keep ya fuckin' voice down." I demanded.

"Let. me. See. My. Daughter."

Luckily the door opened, and Y/n came out with Lil Lucas in her arms, she saw him and her face turned sour, she kissed my cheek and bounced Lucas on her hip,

"Hiya Daddy,"

"You really did it... you stupid little girl." He tossed his head back and forth, "You are coming home right now."

"I am home Daddy, I'm a married woman, with a son, with chores to do, I am not coming back with you Daddy. I'm staying here. Where I belong. Now Lucas has just woken up from his nap, I would be more than happy to let you in for a cup of coffee, the same offer applies to you, Bill. And you are welcome to come back and visit Lucas and us as much as you want. But this is my home. And if you can't accept that, then I'm cutting you off from me, my husband, my home, and your grandson."

"A cup of coffee sounds mighty nice Miss- Ohh Sorry Mrs Y/n Winn," Bill chuckled as he came through the gate,

"Choices is yours, Daddy," she shrugged,

"You own this place?" He asked,

"We do," I nodded,

"Baby's happy?"

"Happy, healthy, drinking milk like it's going out of fashion."

"you got food? clothes? money?"

"As much as we need,"

"Farms the plan?"

"It's the way we're goin',"

"You takin' care of my little girl?"

"That I am sir, And our little boy," I smiled giving them each a kiss,

"... Alright," He sighed climbing down from his horse and opening the gate, "You really got to finish digging that well out,"

"Ohh he knows," Y/n gives me a side eye,

"You guys can tie your horses up in the stable with Ted. I'll get the kettle going." I smiled,

Of course, Bill and her father came over happily to see little Lucas, so I gave her and him another kiss, "Back in a sec lil lady,"

"see you soon hubby," she cooed,

"Just a moment lil boy," I cooed tapping his nose before I went in to make coffee, 

[popsicle-stick]

(in regards to this post)

i think you're right on the money. off the bat, i'd count budapest as metropole - it's a large city, culturally reknowned, part of the austro-hungarian empire - however, from the viewpoint of the novel i'm not so sure. it seems like budapest (and really perhaps moreso klausenburg/cluj-napoca) are depicted as sort of....last outposts of civilisation, before things get Too 'Wild'. a sort of liminal place, if you will. which is obviously crap and we all know it, but bram stoker was playing off preexisting xenophobia, and to the western mind at the time, this may all have felt quite real.

but yes! despite this, stoker is curiously inconsistent in how he depicts the east and west. the first thing that strikes me is one of the very first entries of jonathan's journal:

Some of them were just like the peasants at home or those I saw coming through France and Germany, with short jackets and round hats and home-made trousers; but others were very picturesque.

it's interesting how he compares the rural working class of england ('peasants') and other western european countries with that of transylvania. despite the kinda gawking travelogue he writes here, there's an acknowledgement that this kind of rustic existence is a commonality across east and west. (only difference is how he notes the transylvanians have better drip. which is fair.) i think there's a very real want, by the english, to appear 'different' from those on the continent, particularly in eastern europe - the reality is, however, that this superiority is largely contrived, and jonathan himself notes the lack of difference between the rural poor at home and in transylvania.

then we have the largely slavic crew of the demeter, ill-armed against the Thing from the wilderness they're unknowingly carrying. in their depiction in the book and how their story is recieved by the english at whitby, they're just another example of sincere human civilisation at the mercy of dracula's inhumanity.

there's a strong divide between how the local transylvanians are depicted - as rustic, but kindly, and accomodating - perhaps not the metropole itself, but the last vestiges of it - in comparison to the roma characters, representative of 'wilderness', whose individuality is glossed over for the sake of a united front of nondescript hostile lackeys described as 'godless' and happy to serve the local undead warlord. this entirely goes against actual roma belief, which i believe was pointed out by roma readers in the 2022 run.

i honestly do think that while east versus west is a understandably oft examined angle, there's far more nuance to it than that, and i feel the metropole versus wilderness model leaves more room for those nuances. a footnote: it's also interesting to note that jonathan comes from exeter, itself a cultural centre yet still provincial, far from the vast metropole of london. it sits in devon, a very rural county full of its own obscure folklore and traditions, and (somewhat cruelly) stereotyped as backward and provincial to this very day. in this story of empire vs uncharted wilderness, it feels natural that he'd be from london, like every other english protagonist, but he's not. which is a curious choice.

[presiding]

i wanna hear your recommendations!

a list with some stuff i like + a request for you to share yours :)

as a godless queer who spawned on earth randomly one time, my only holiday-season tradition is charity + passionately enjoying things. in lieu of passing my followers & mutuals $100 cash, have a random variety of things you might like to try - i know we're an international bunch so your mileage may vary on what you can access. in the spirit of giving i am hoping for some recs 🎁♥

disclaimer these are just things i like i am not paid. would be great. but.

yo ho ho if you read comics & manga but always found it to be a pain in the ass to source online, here's the aggregator app of your dreams: tachiyomiJ2K. real. not clickbait. android only tho. the extensions mangacute, mangadex, allanime, and mangareader, are good places to start. as a creator, i'm always iffy about recommending this kind of thing because i'd much prefer you went out and brought the things you're reading, however i'm not under any illusions about which era we're in, media-wise and economy-wise

gemma! - webcomic what if corvo was a woman and young emily was a dragon and they went on adventures in a fun fantasy/adventure way that is Extremely Gender. pictured: gender. god i want to be her > is this the greatest webcomic of all time? no. is it that sweet spot between 'mindless fun' and 'good'? yes. you get me

laksa noodles the more intl friends i have the more i realise that laksa isn't common everywhere. don't let that stop you from trying it. ultimate comfort food. hearty noodly soupy goodness. worth seeking out fr

ways of seeing - mini-documentary so profoundly changed the way i think that i had been wanting to revisit it and so was delighted to find its all on youtube. if you're an artist or want to improve your ability to critically think about what you're seeing in media, this is a must-see. link or embedded>

FUCKING GOOD AND CHEAP GREEN TEA price comment won't apply to everyone this site offers great prices for high quality tea direct from the farm. been buying from here for years and its always amazing - i love the houjicha/roast green tea, and if you like green tea but always wish it was stronger without sacrificing taste or becoming bitter, i recommend genmaicha matcha-iri, which uses matcha to intensify the flavour. yum

incense body powder being a perfume nerd who is prone to migraines sucks. if you like spices and good incense - not the $2 kind that you use to hide cigs from your parents but rather the kind that smells like wandering into a forest temple - you'll love incense body powder. it lasts well and i'd most compare it to a softer, more gourmand comme des garçons Incense series 3 kyoto. shoyeido is the easiest to source as far as i can tell, but other brands make it too. USD$11 - cheaper than even cheap perfumes tbh - the bag will last you years. if you try this please tell me i'd love to know what you think!

anyway!! i wanna hear your recs if you have any! can be any type of thing that has recently improved your mood or changed your life or you think someone else might like?

anyone reading can go for it, consider this a carte blanche for recommendations. gonna tag a few people - you don't have to of course thank you love you <;3 @lapinneok @dangerousdan-dan @arosebyothernames @headcrabrave @corvidad @neznoodles @retired-crow @corpseprince @i-really-hate-creating-usernames @geminison @fakeshibe @skemford @loveofdetail + please feel welcome if not tagged! edit OH @nekon-ron i tried to tag your old URL. ha

[gcantread]

August 2024 reads

[loved liked ok nope dnf bookclub*]

My Lady Jane • The Wild Robot • Our Hideous Progeny • The Hero and the Crown • The Screwtape Letters • The Seventh Veil of Salome • Our Shouts Echo • Villette • The Lies of Alma Blackwell • The Mercy of Gods • Mistress of Lies • Lady Macbeth • Go to Hell • Lucy Undying

I read 14 books in August! (Well, ok, I'm on track to finish the last two today.) It was a busy reading month for me due to tons of ARCs and new releases (8/14 of this list!), which resulted in an "all my library holds are ready at once ougsfshfh" situation. I also once again checked out a few books in order to see if they're worth reading in future years of @bellasbookclub.

My Lady Jane ★★★☆☆ - A very silly time that often reads more like upper-middle-grade than YA. A skip for TV show fans, but the tween furry community should be overjoyed.

The Wild Robot ★★★★★ - An adorable (and yet surprisingly death-y) kids' book that (🤞) should make a fantastic movie. The illustrations alone bump this one up a few stars.

Our Hideous Progeny ★★★★☆ - The last (?) of my BBC Summer Reading Challenge 2024 picks! Has a slow start but man, if you give me an undead abomination plesiosaur who is also a cute little guy, I am seated. Could have been a five star read if it were just a lil gayer and more Creature-forward!

The Hero and the Crown ★★★☆☆ - Read this one to screen it for @bellasbookclub, so I shan't say any details (yet.)

The Screwtape Letters ★★★☆☆ - Another BBC screening but nope nah I'm not gonna make us read The Christianity Book. Did not make me repent of my godless Jezebel ways even a little bit, but gets three stars because it's nevertheless a fascinating glimpse of C.S. Lewis as a person. Next time I'll stick to The Good Place though.

The Seventh Veil of Salome ★★★★1/2 - Speaking of godless Jezebels: Silvia Moreno-Garcia and I have the same biblical blorbo!! I haven't loved any of Moreno-Garcia's work since Mexican Gothic, but finally, this one was another slam dunk for me! As a Salome (1893) enjoyer and understander I'm so glad SMG is one of us. The main (Hollywood Golden Age) parts were also deftly rendered—this was the first truly well-executed Karen Villain I've encountered.

Our Shouts Echo ★★★★☆ - A really sweet and enjoyable contemporary YA coming-of-age + romance that somehow pulled off its nuanced optimism without being preachy or precious. Dare I say...actual hopepunk? An ARC from ALA Annual.

Villette ★★★☆☆ - Another book club screening. [Helga voice] I hated this book but I loved this book but I hated this book but I loved this book. Dammit, it's just so memeable. See you in hell 2025 probably

The Lies of Alma Blackwell ★★★1/2☆ - A decent YA ghost story with immaculate creepy, witchy, & haunted house vibes and some fun tropey romance (sure, why not?) Another ARC.

The Mercy of Gods ★★★★☆ - Ensemble-driven alien invasion story in which a team of wet babygirl science geeks must prove their worth to their new Giant Fucked Up Bug overlords and also one of them is a parasitic hivemind but we don't know which. Unsinkable concept but the writing makes it even better. One for the grown up Animorphs kids (Yes I know I rated it less than Wild Robot, but Wild Robot is a 5-star quality kids' book, while Mercy of Gods is an imperfect but riveting adult novel that I connected with on a more personal level.)

Mistress of Lies ★★★☆☆ - 2nd-to-last in my self-imposed (Review-) Bombed Books Week Challenge. A generous rounding up to three stars because I like the concept and it had a strong start before...plateauing for 200 pages. (Where were the titular LIES?) Very little actually happened and yet my laconic review is somehow "do less."

Lady Macbeth ★★★★☆ - More of an original story with some names in common than a retelling (Macbeth fans be forewarned. Y'all remember the dragon? You know, the dragon that's in Macbeth?) I tired of how repetitive the assault-as-motif became, but there were some very cool plot choices and Ava Reid's prose is gorgeous as ever. Kind of Green Knight vibes!

Go to Hell ★★★1/2☆ - Another ARC, this one a nonfiction travel guide to IRL destinations that are either associated with Hell/underworld mythology or just hellish places in general. Taught me a lot more folklore and history than your average travel guide!

Lucy Undying ★☆☆☆☆ - Hilarious of me to read two retellings in a row. Unlike Macbeth, I feel deep personal affection for Dracula, which meant this book wold have made me silver_linings_playbook.gif it out the window if I hadn't been reading on my phone. If I had never read Dracula, I miiiight have liked this? (jk I finished it and can now definitively say I would not have.) The prose was decent and I liked Lucy's modern-day love interest, Iris, but this author clearly graduated from the "lesbians must hate and deride all men all the time and be proven right in this view when every single man tries to harm them" school of writing sapphic characters, and since the book was basically encouraging me to paranoid-read, it set off both my "clumsy writing" and "...is this a t3rf?" alarms. tl;dr Mina and Jonathan and Van Helsing and Seward and Arthur and Quincey and Berserker the wolf and even Mr. Swales (slandering Mr. Swales?? Is nothing sacred??) deserved SO much better. Now I'll have to reread Dracula to cleanse myself

DNFs: None! Although Lucy Undying certainly tried my patience.

August superlatives

Next up:

September is another new release-filled month! I'm on track to finish my Bombed Books Week Challenge with The Empire Wars by Akana Phenix and then the unreleased Crown of Starlight itself, so I can satisfy my intellectual curiosity of how it compares to the books its author tried to sabotage. (Which attempted sabotage was an abhorrent action I 100% condemn. Toss aside those large rocks, I've been supporting the targeted authors at my local bookstore and library.)

In less dramatic goals, I've got an ARC of Ruin Road by Lamar Giles I'm eager to check out, and I can't wait for Long Live Evil to be ready at the library. We've also got our first official Bella's Book Club read of Season 3, which should be fun (hint: it's an Austen!)

previous months:

july

[osarina]

HELLOOOO priestzai anon here (priestesszai? sounds better. dazai exceeds gender he gets to be a priestess)(yaemikozai and raiden ei reader au)(are there any emojis for that. do i get lightning. 🌩️ or something.)(im sorry its the adhd) and YES she waited 500 years thats like so..... i mean okay; 500 years isn't that long for immortals, I suppose, but Dazai is so PATHETICALLY in love with reader that every second feels torturous to him. And he tells himself that its fine, he knows that he'll see her soon, but god hes yearning so bad. And then just... just imagine what hes like after he finally manages to get her out. See her again for the first time in literal decades. Oh he's absolutely losing his mind. Shes just as perfect as he remembers and also so much more, he missed her so much. He realises again what his purpose in this life was after so many years of yearning and darkness, and it's solely to worship and adore her. She's his purpose in life, his reason to live, his religion, his everything, the life source that he breathes. After all, she's his LITERAL goddess, he leads an entire SHRINE for her. They're technically equals, they see eye to eye, they respect each other the same amount, they're lovers friends, but Dazai still makes a point out of worshipping the ground she walks on. That's, like, his job, anyways. Anytime shes out in public, hes the first to bow, and the one to do it the most deeply, even as reader tells him over and over again he doesn't need to. Reader is a god and with that has great strength and would never just accidentally trip, and yet he always reaches out a hand for her to hold when she walks down stairs. Whenever shes sat on her throne in her palace, listening to her people, he's stood right besides her, kitsune tails all reaching out for her and subtly curling around her, making her look like she was sitting on a throne of pure clouds and just adding to her already ethereal, holy image. And don't even get me started on the bedroom - he'd always be so gentle, literally reverent, looking at her like she put the stars into the sky, doing everything for her and completely neglecting his needs in the meanwhile. He doesn't even care if he technically gets off or not, because seeing reader come undone at his hands is the greatest pleasure to ever exist. (Then again, that boy would probably come untouched, with how much he adores her.) He gives and gives and never takes, not once, and reader has to remind him or initiate it herself whenever she wants him to recieve physical pleasure too. Physical, because every moment he spends with her is heavenly and the greatest pleasure he could possibly feel and he could never ask for more, wouldn't dare to ask for more. hnggggg i am yearning

oh my god .... nonnie ... nonnie you have no idea how insane ur making me right now truly like ... dazai in general is sooooo enamored by his lover, worships them like they're the only holy thing in a godless world but like ... in THIS au ... where they're LITERALLY his goddess and his whole point of existence is to worship them, leads a whole shrine devoted to them .... UGHHHHH you have me so INSANE this needs to be added to the dazaiverse immediately.

AND YOUR'E SO RIGHT—dazai would 100% come untouched just from the taste of her on his tongue, could spend his whole life buried between her thighs, being the one to bring her pleasure ... nothing makes him feel so good

and can we talk about jealousy with priestesszai ... like he would be so viciously jealous of anyone who gets close to her, but at the same time, he wouldn't say anything directly to her about it. maybe he would make snide comments guised as observations but GOD the way his chest twists and turns and the way his vision goes green at the sight of anyone else near her ... sickening

[fritextramole]

after it all was filtered out

part 4 of an Eric van der Woodsen playlist - best heard in order

tracklist and quotes under the cut

Waiting For A Friend ~ The Pretty Reckless

Some people say life is like a lie Take it day by day, never knowing why My head is like a prison cell, I'm all by myself I'm waiting for my friend to come and break me out

John My Beloved ~ Sufjan Stevens

So can we pretend, sweetly Before the mystery ends? I am a man with a heart that offends With its lonely and greedy demands There’s only a shadow of me; in a matter of speaking, I'm dead

We Popped the Moon ~ Oliver Riot

I need you back I’ve found another way Oh, I’ve cracked

Waste ~ Oh Wonder

See a crack that I know All the corners of you All the bones that I knew I said I would never come back Screaming at the walls in jet black Hurt until my words are out flat Can I whisper it back?

Doomed ~ Moses Sumney

I feel you But nobody else Though you're someone I can't see Yet you say nothing Of the stoic suffering That stirs lukewarm in me If lovelessness is godlessness Will you cast me to the wayside? Well, I feel the peeling of half-painted ceilings Reveal the covering of a blank sky

The Only Thing ~ Sufjan Stevens

The only thing that keeps me from cutting my arm Cross hatch, warm bath, Holiday Inn after dark Signs and wonders: water stain riding the wall Daniel’s message; blood of the moon on us all Do I care if I despise this? Nothing else matters, I know In a veil of great disguises; how do I live with your ghost?

Swimming at Night ~ Camp Howard

I'm on my side I can't be blind Still, it's easy not to feel anything I want to dive into the night

Wet Cigarettes ~ Strawberry Milk Cult

You smell like wet cigarettes You look like you’ve felt regret I noticed long ago That you’ve always had that sadness in your eyes Like mine

You Wanted to Look for Help, I Wanted to Sit and Wait to be Rescued ~ Flatsound

Searching for how it felt Because all I want is to find myself in anyone And I wonder if it will ever come As easy as us giving up

Bedroom Window ~ The Pretty Reckless

As I look out of my bedroom window I see the chaos that's calling me So the wind blows wherever it will go It's all too much for me All of this emptiness I've been sharing It never comes when I want it to I can be anything I've forgiven Me and you, me and you

C’est La Mort ~ The Civil Wars

Heaven or Hell or somewhere in between Cross your heart to take me when you leave Don't go Please don't go Don't go without me

Heavy ~ Linkin Park, Kiiara

Holding on So much more than I can carry I keep dragging around what's bringing me down If I just let go, I'd be set free Holding on Why is everything so heavy?

Be Nice To Me ~ The Front Bottoms

But you're a killer And I'm your best friend Think it's unfair, your situation You say I'm changing Sorry, I didn't know I had to stay the same Could we talk about this later? Your voice is driving me, driving me insane

Tea, Milk & Honey ~ Oh Pep!

No space for time, no time for space I ain't got what the human race needs, no I won't contribute to your polluted transaction I've got places to be that ain't right here

Disorder ~ Joy Division

It's getting faster, moving faster now, it's getting out of hand On the tenth floor, down the back stairs, into no man's land Lights are flashing, cars are crashing, getting frequent now I've got the spirit, lose the feeling, let it out somehow

Sippy Cup ~ Melanie Martinez

Blood still stains when the sheets are washed Sex don't sleep when the lights are off Kids are still depressed when you dress them up And syrup is still syrup in a sippy cup

Lent ~ Autoheart

I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna be like this back then Yes, maybe, now it’s crazy We’re no good for one another, no, no, no I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna act like this You know I wanna be free I want to be free

9 Secret Steps ~ They Might Be Giants

Inhume your gloom within a tomb Confine your mind behind a line There's only doom outside your room Confine your mind behind a line

No Children ~ The Mountain Goats

I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow I hope it bleeds all day long Our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises We're pretty sure they're all wrong

Finally Alone ~ Mac DeMarco

Sick of the city, locked in with all the pretty people You need a vacation Somewhere that no one ever would dream to go Somewhere mundane, hop on the train See where it goes

Smalltown Boy ~ Orville Peck

You leave in the morning with everything you own in a little black case Alone on a platform, the wind and the rain on a sad, lonely face Your mama will never understand why you had to leave But the answers you seek will never be found at home The love that you need will never be found at home

One by One ~ Matt Berry

One by one I wave them good bye Engineered To leave myself alone

First Day Of My Life ~ Bright Eyes

Remember the time you drove all night Just to meet me in the morning? And I thought it was strange, you said everything changed You felt as if you'd just woke up And you said, "This is the first day of my life I'm glad I didn't die before I met you But now I don't care, I could go anywhere with you And I'd probably be happy"

Malibu ~ Miley Cyrus

Hoping that you'll stay the same and nothing will change And it'll be us just for a while, do they even exist? That's when I make a wish to swim away with the fish 'Cause it's supposed to be this hot all summer long I never would've believed you if three years ago you told me

Sweet Tooth ~ Maya Hawke

Told my mother that I love her And that I'd lie to the accountant if she wants I'll do whatever to protect her I'll say anything just to make her stop

[mangyraccooon]

The Phoenix and the Wild

https://www.tumblr.com/xamaxenta/722931486576214016/just-a-thought-marco-had-known-for-a-long-time?source=share

a little taste of a wip Ive been working on since I told Xam bout it, yes I had to deactivate my account and then reactivate; don't ask it was such a headache

Long long ago, before the emptiness that consumed the world before the sun descended from the sky, before the people heard the phoenix war cry.

There were gods, gods of every shape colour and size. Gods with a hundred hands, gods who hid in smoky coils and gods who had no eyes.

And above it all shining bright the sun would preside, Nika the god of laughter, life and light. Beside Nika stood the Phoenix, his brother and advisor to any plight.

One day the Phoenix met The Wild, The Hunt, The godless god. A meeting perhaps not so strange but unexpected. They were the strangest being, constantly shifting. Wolf, Jaguar, falcon, yet their eyes always stayed the same. Glowing like the embers of a fire.

Terrible how the phoenix has always had such a weakness for flames.

the story goes like this, two gods fall in love and through love comes creation. (not that kind of creation). A new being born on earth, great obsidian wings, eyes like rubies, long white hair and a constant fire burning above their back. Their child (in a way). The Wild started spending more time on earth, teaching their and others creations how to survive. The story goes like this; The Phoenix tells the Wild

"I will love you for the rest of eternity."

I wish I could say this story has a happy ending.

The Wild is killed, humans are ever so fickle you see.

The Phoenix screams.

The Phoenix tears through every settlement It can find, ripping the ones who dare take Its love away. By the end the bottom of Its feathers and robes are soaked in blood. By the end Hope tracks It down and holds it down, the metal pipe pressed against Its throat. Nika watches as his brother cries and screams, the agony of eternity.

"The Phoenix, God of Eternity, Medicine and healing. I know anoint you a new title."

Red eyes meet blue and for a moment, there is an all encompassing dread. Then Nika looks away, "My Brother, My friend, The Phoenix, God of eternity, God of Death."

Hundreds of years pass, perhaps a thousands. Nika falls from the sky, susceptible to the most human emotion; love. The gods either give up or fade away, some plant themselves hoping to reawaken again. The Phoenix continues, It cannot fall nor can it die.

Perhaps in those centuries of loneliness, it came to forgive humans, perhaps not. Maybe it made a deal with someone a priestess who loved Nika. Maybe it became a memory, a ritual of sorts for one to pass down. A guardian.

Maybe it caught a man who in turn taught it love, maybe it stuck by the mans side until the day he died.

Maybe maybe maybe, there are so many maybes and so many routes that Fate would have it travel down. (never trust fate.)

Whatever the case, the route, the path. The Phoenix collides with a boy who is dying and maybe in a fit of madness, decides to heal him. There is a deal struck and the Phoenix lets it conscious fade into the background of the boys mind.

Whatever the route the end always stays the same.

the Phoenix presides on a ship now, watching through someones eyes. Until it sees the flame. The Fire, It knows that fire. It calls, whispering with a hundred voices, distorted like speaking through glass.

Anyone watching would be confused as the First commander Marco's eyes changed colour. The deep indigo, swirling into a burning cerulean. The Phoenix feels the roar of power as It finally reaches the flame, pulling the one It thought lost into a kiss.

Grey eyes are uncertain but sparking, flames lick around Its fingers as The Phoenix caresses a freckled cheek. "I found you, My Wild."

-well this was a lot of fun, shoutout to @xamaxenta im stealing this back <3 and @apphiarothowrites for writing crack cocaine and fuelling my addiction. (also the brother idea)

[some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat]

An Incomplete Guide to Recognizing and Unlearning Antisemitism

Ok first of all, disclaimer: I'm studying to convert, but I am not Jewish yet. I will not pretend to be speaking for Jewish people, merely collecting and boosting their voices to help other gentiles learn, especially if you're like me and tumblr posts are very easy to absorb information from.

Since I just discovered my antisemitism tag is almost empty if you use the search, and you need to open my blog website in browser to really see it, I decided to go through it and collect good educational posts about antisemitism.

(Update: you should be able to follow this link on mobile as well as in browser or this link if you're in browser and prefer to read on my forever under construction theme, both should show you all my posts with this tag without tumblr's infamous search getting involved)

This list is far from comprehensive, but should contain a lot of useful information to get you started. These are things I've learned and collected over the years, and hopefully will continue to update and fill with Jewish voices. To my knowledge, every post and video except my own is written by an actual Jewish person.

If any of the links seem broken or mislabeled, or if you are Jewish and think information provided is inaccurate or would like to append something, please let me know.

Before you read, you should know the following terms:

Goy = gentile, AKA a non-Jewish person.

Goyim = the plural of goy.

Goyische = non-Jewish as an adjective.

These terms are not slurs and not meant to insult you any more than "cis" is for non-trans people. That said, some consider it appropriative to use these terms unless you are Jewish, so the English word "gentiles" is recommended for gentiles to use.

"Antisemitism is still a thing?" Yes, very much so.

(https://youtu.be/FAJfddwKraQ)

"But that's just neo-nazis, right? I'm not antisemitic!" Sadly, Antisemitism is prevalent across the political spectrum, and everyone needs to learn to recognize and address it in their own communities.

(https://youtu.be/c3dKIDtAYXk)

History and background of Christian persecution of Jews

(https://some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat.tumblr.com/post/694056361073508352/i-really-hope-this-isnt-disrespectful-if-it-is)

Everything that threatens the Christian hegemony is blamed on Jews (with further links)

(https://some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat.tumblr.com/post/699849670733824000/godless-atheists-is-a-dogwhistle-for-jews-can)

Information and resources on various dogwhistles

(https://some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat.tumblr.com/post/190039635794/with-some-of-this-stuff-its-hard-to-tell-if-its)

More on antisemitic dogwhistles

(https://some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat.tumblr.com/post/188021715564)

List of alt-right dogwhistles common on tumblr

(https://some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat.tumblr.com/post/189315042489)

Even more on antisemitic dogwhistles

(https://some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat.tumblr.com/post/185228682894/a-list-of-antisemitic-dog-whistles-and-jokes)

Addressing antisemitism in fandom spaces

(https://some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat.tumblr.com/post/700670359207362560/fandom-antisemitism)

Christians forcefully baptizing Jewish babies

(https://some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat.tumblr.com/post/699113199053815808)

The antisemitism of Ebenezer Scrooge and demonizing dislike of Christmas

(https://some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat.tumblr.com/post/701723830606036992)

Antisemitism is everywhere

(https://some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat.tumblr.com/post/699017217512243200)

Common features of antisemitic caricatures

(https://some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat.tumblr.com/post/187795270779/glamoid-kikebf-with-halloween-coming-up-and)

Short rant on Jewish ethnicity and stigmatized features

(https://some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat.tumblr.com/post/633256455374503936)

YouTube video about the antisemitism of classic witch costumes, addressing the violent history behind each trope

(https://youtu.be/y63QkEhp0Q4)

Most conspiracy theories stem from antisemitism

(https://some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat.tumblr.com/post/188794512079)

Addressing antisemitism in the Harley Quinn cartoon

(https://some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat.tumblr.com/post/618751860553269248/i-am-of-course-tempted-to-make-a-joke-about-the)

More details on the problems with the second episode

(https://some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat.tumblr.com/post/189680640214/mrgreedyguts-hey-folks-i-know-everyone-is)

Left-wing Holocaust denial & parallels with right-wing racism

(https://some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat.tumblr.com/post/694662686493048832)

Antisemitism in LGBT spaces

(https://some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat.tumblr.com/post/190250493154)

A defense of circumcision

(https://some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat.tumblr.com/post/695203400206483457/im-sorry-but-im-a-little-confused-firstly-its)

A defense and explanation of kosher slaughter

(https://some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat.tumblr.com/post/638663714143453184)

"fren" dogwhistle (I haven't heard about this since reblogging the post in 2020 so I don't know if it's still used)

(https://some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat.tumblr.com/post/637045831468466176)

Some points about appropriation

(https://some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat.tumblr.com/post/187796080149/gendest-because-a-lot-of-people-dont-seem-to-get)

One note on the terminology of the previous link

(https://some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat.tumblr.com/post/633949902496546816/susiethemoderator-sheisawonder-ive-spoken-up)

Bonus: stuff about unlearning harmful Christian ideas and narratives

Christians are not entitled to Judaism

(https://some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat.tumblr.com/post/696019121635262464/im-tempted-to-make-a-post-about-loving-g-d-and)

Debunking defenses of Jesus

(https://some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat.tumblr.com/post/695953318806175744/none-of-the-bad-things-you-accused-jesus-of-are)

Examples of cultural Christianity around the concept of Christmas

(https://some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat.tumblr.com/post/699753928322138112)

More on cultural Christianity

(https://some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat.tumblr.com/post/700025394657738752)

[heaven-said]

you know, lucid and luci have gotten M!As why not you? M!A bloodlust, let's see some violence

✞ " YOU. You... godless, unnatural, cowardly, SADISTIC wretch..! " He already feels his very self growing unstable-- and his own temper is not slowing the steady growing burning rising in his stomach. It doesn't abide his will anymore, doesn't respond to his emotion, no, its consuming him before he even realizes it.

" You torture my brothers for your own sick amusement but I... shall... not--..! " But he realizes it soon. A surge of panic piercing the rage once he feels it growing overwhelming, a stubborn will fighting to keep awareness as he grips his helmet, tossing his head violently in desperation to reorientate, but nothing even slows it. He steadily develops a second halo, one of pure red behind his head and the most.... divine ache in every inch of his form.

Abruptly he's swarmed by the poor cherubs who recognize a code red when they see one, but they are not even strong enough to bend his arm where it poses outward and to the air, as if welcoming some divine message from above, as they go on fussing and begging and offering their archangel wine.

But he does not even need to taste it to know the wine will not suffice... No... it isn't red enough. There is not enough pain. There is not enough sacrifice...

Unstoppably, he's slowly staining across his entire body with a deep red until he takes a new form, appearing like a figure drenched in still-wet blood. His wings erupt into golden flames as the change is finished. Inevitably the tiny angels are thrown off him with little regard for where they land, simply by the strength of how he tosses out his arms in a rejoicing motion. He laughs. Sharp and vicious and mad with excitement. His veins are burning him alive!

" Yes... Yes! I see now! The tithe MUST be paid! Only then can man be REBORN. Repent NOW... I shall deliver humanity's salvation through a baptism of BLOOD! "

His exorcist spear is summoned to his hand, and he takes off to... find God's sinners.

{{ Bloodlust M!A will last from now until I sleep again tomorrow :] }}

[viiioca]

Does your character hold any strong opinion towards a city-state that may or may not be a reflection of their own personal biases? Aka, someone from Gridania thinking Ishgardian's are uppity and prude, or a Ul'dan socialite thinking Limsan's are nothing but pirates? How did they come about that view? Did they have that view once and it was challenged by someone or something?

thank you for the ask!! and i'm so sorry that you asked a good question that is relevant to my worldbuilding interests, because now i'm going to slap my keyboard for like 9 paragraphs

estelle is born and raised ishgardian and, being as isolated and xenophobic as it is, ishgard would offer some real fierce competition at Eorzea's Bigot Olympics, where prejudice and racism are already pretty common, casual, and frequently codified in law (e.g. ul'dah's blanket ban on "beastmen"). even a person who considers themselves open-minded will integrate attitudes and perceptions of people around them when these things go unexamined and unchallenged -- garbage in, garbage out. which is to say yes! estelle absolutely had biases when she first started out, including more than a bit of internalized racism.

because ishgard loves none of its neighbors, and that disdain is a reflection of the virtues it prefers in itself. ishgard is pious, and its morals are ironclad, and its violence is righteous, and its caste system is the mortar that holds society together, and its people understand their place in the war machine, and everything is orderly and stable and correct. but the rest of these southrons? gridanians are godless, holding the word of these "elementals" as a higher authority than any of the twelve; ala mhigans are impulsive, violent, and short-sighted, prone to destroying what they build; ul'dah's worship of the coin has produced a people who are morally bankrupt and inherently untrustworthy; lominsans are brutish, bloodthirsty, stateless criminals who barely know their letters; sharlayans are self-righteous cowards and vapid, ivory-towered do-nothings. they are foreigners, and to a society where "foreign" is shorthand for heretical, dangerous, and degenerate -- a disruption to fragile ishgardian order -- there's nearly nothing worse.

i like to think of ARR as estelle's "going to college" arc: her world was so small and so constrained and now it is massive and challenging and what else is there to do but pull all of this information into herself? look at how wonderful it is to learn that the people who made life miserable for her were wrong, not just about the world around them, but about her and what her "proper place" really is. look at how much joy there is to be found in cutting off all this necrotic tissue and letting something new take its place.

(that's not to say she doesn't still struggle from time to time. she still has moments. have you seen those ul'dahn monetarists? at least ishgard's arenas are places of holy adjudication, not bloodsport for entertainment. halone preserve her, say what you will about ishgardian nobility, but imagine a society where the upper classes have no sense of nobless oblige. barbarism!)