#yes it's related to that fic yay

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Have another Ariana Drawing bc I'm apparently back on my bs

Inspired by this:

Didn't want to draw it the exact same way tho lol

[nostalgia-tblr]

have just typed the word "affianced" into a fic, i am so glad/horrified that the mcu has at last allowed me to write the messy faux-historical fiction of my dreams.

[mismatched-sockss]

You're my future, past and present

» Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader » Word count: 6,4k » Warnings: spoiler mentioned for 9x23 Angels / 9x24 Demons, Spencer's POV, exes to lovers, set after s15, anxious!Spencer, reader feels guilty at one point, language? (one 'bitch' from reader to reader), mentions of past fights, minor misunderstandings, random old lady plays cupid <3, fluff, kissing, how many phrases for being in love can one pack in two paragraphs? me: yes., » A/N: my brain is on strike for finishing bingo fics for some reason, it instead gave us this so yay!, i'm still working on those of course but i can't tell when i will get the next one done (in the words of one Penelope Garcia: Why do the last 10% always take the longest?), hopefully by the end of the week; it's lightly implied that reader can get pregnant in the beginning but it's not explicitly said (only mentions of kids), which is the reason i tagged it as fem but no mentions of anything body related or any pronouns (i think so, please let me know if i missed pronouns), so it might as well can be read as gn; no body description --- pls take a look here for more info about my reader descriptions in general

⚶ masterlist ⚶

He should have asked Penelope for a favour to look you up, before he came here. He had no idea how your life had changed in all these years he hadn't seen you or if you even wanted to see him again. It didn't particularly sound like it the last time he saw you.

You could be happily married with kids for all he knew. The thought alone almost made him turn around without even knocking on your door. He didn't know what he would do if this was the case. Or maybe you didn't even live here any more, you could have moved; to the other side of the city, to another state. Another country. You had toyed with the idea to move to Scotland back then, it very well could be that you had acted on it.

Too much time had past, five whole years – five years, three months, twenty-one days and eleven hours, forty-two minutes to be exact; but who was counting, right? – and there was too much history, too much heartbreak. Too many reasons why it hadn't worked out.

The main – and kind of only – ones being his job at the BAU and everything that came with it. The travelling and never being home, not even a free day or annual leave really meant not getting called in, the late nights, the worries that he could get hurt and may not be coming back home, the worries when he got hurt.

You had your reasons to break it off and he still thought that you were right to do so. He never held it against you, never resented you for leaving. Because he understood. If the roles would have been reversed, he may would have made the same decisions.

This whole idea was stupid. Why was he even here. He should just leave.

What did he think would happen when you saw him? That showing up out of nowhere – with no contact since the break up, not even a single text message – and having a 'new' job would change everything and would make you jump back into his arms in an instant like nothing happened? Yeah... Sure...

Maybe, deep down and in the tiniest crack of his heart, he didn't even want you to open the door; didn't want to see your reaction to him just showing up and the inevitable rejection that would surely come. He was sabotaging himself, really. And if he would be more honest to himself, he'd knew that. Maybe he did, but just didn't want to see it.

Spencer had been pacing back and forth in front of your door for an eternity by now; walking closer to it and already lifting his hand to knock, but changing his mind before his fingers even came close and he was walking a few feet away to leave, only to change his mind again and repeat the whole ordeal. Over. And over. And over.

He just couldn't make his mind up, he didn't know what to do. It shouldn't be this hard to knock on a door. Especially yours. But maybe it was this hard for him because it was yours.

At one point, he, a man of science, even asked the universe to give him a sign, to show him what he should do; if he should do it or if he should go.

That's when it happened.

Right after, as he was walking closer to the door again, he tripped over his own damn feet and he ended up kicking the door with his shoe; not hard, but audible enough.

Shit. Not the sign he was looking for. A pedestrian screaming something outside that he could twist into an answer, a car honking when he either was close to the door or walking away; hell, even a spam mail popping up on his phone that had a certain word in the subject line... No, it had to be this way.

Now he had to knock.

Taking a shaky breath, he hit his knuckles against the wood a couple of times and started fidgeting with his fingers as soon as he had lowered his hands. His heart was in his throat as he waited anxiously. His mind in a constant battle of 'please be home' and 'please don't be home'.

A moment later – both too short and too long at the same time – the door opened just a crack and it was really you standing there. Not some random person that would tell him you moved. You.

You didn't turn your head just yet, looking back over your shoulder instead, you held out your arm behind you and said “Stay there” in a soft voice to someone behind you. When you turned you blocked the entrance with your body and kept your left hand on the door.

Your eyes grew wide when you saw him. Spencer probably was about the last person you would have expected to see when you opened the door. He couldn't bring himself to break the silence first, didn't dare to speak.

“Oh, hey... Uh-”, you stammered looking for words, blinking in confusion. For a moment you opened and closed your mouth, and he knew you were hating that you looked like a fish out of the water, before you gave up and just settled for another “Hi.”

“Hi.” He hated how shaky his voice sounded. He cleared his throat and averted his eyes for a moment, looking down at his hands and the floor before he met your gaze again.

“Wow, it- it's been a while.”

“Yeah...”

“How long 's it been? Five years?”

“Five years, three months and twenty-one days.” Spencer pressed his lips together before he could blurt out the hours and minutes as well.

You laughed – not mean, but endearing – and the sound combined with the smile that spread on your lips made his heart leap. “Right.”

God, how much he had missed your laugh; how much he had missed you. Now that you stood before him, it became evident, that all the longing and yearning he had felt in the past years had been nothing more than a fraction of what he was really feeling; repressed by throwing himself into work and keeping his mind off you as much as he could.

His love for you never went away, never dulled even the slightest bit, and seeing you now was almost too overwhelming for him, his feelings for you crashing over him, nearly sweeping him off his feet.

“Uhm, I was just about to go to the park with Cleo”, you started, shooting a look over your shoulder and Spencer's heart dropped. He could have sworn it stopped beating for a few seconds as well. The Stay there hadn't rung any alarms in his mind, it could have been said to any person really. Going to the park with Cleo however...

He really should have asked Penelope to look you up before he came. You had a kid.

And since he could only see the heel of your left hand and not your fingers, he couldn't be a hundred percent sure, but there was a high chance there was a ring on your finger.

“Oh, I'm sorry to hold you up. I'll just, uhm-”, he stammered choked up and pointed his thumbs over his shoulder, taking a step back, about to turn away and leave.

“No”, you exclaimed, maybe a bit too quickly and panicked, as you held out your right hand like you wanted to reach for his arm; even making a small step out of the door. “You don't have to leave. You could- uh, you could come with us? If you want to.” If he wouldn't know better, he'd say there was a pleading look in your eyes, begging him to say yes and stay.

His mouth opened, but no words came out, no matter how hard he tried. He didn't even know what he wanted to say.

'Yes sure, let's go to the park with your daughter and rip my heart into pieces seeing and hearing about you living the life I dreamt of having with you, with another man'.

A plain 'No.' would be too rude, wouldn't it? Even if he would add a 'thank you' at the end, it didn't feel right.

“She uh- she likes meeting new people, she's really open; sometimes I'm afraid she'll walk off with anyone. Come here, girl.” You looked over your shoulder again and tapped your flat hand against your thigh a couple of times, then some clicking and scratching could be heard behind you on the parquet floor.

The speckled snout of an Australian Shepherd pushed in the space between your knee and the door, then tried to push through further after seeing Spencer. With a laugh you took a hold of the collar and held the dog back from running out.

“Cleo, stay.” You squatted down next to her, petting her head and scratched behind her ear. ”I have to warn you, she can be a bit rough when she gets excited.” A wide smile was on your face as you looked up at Spencer. “I've been trying to teach her to not jump up on everyone she meets, but it doesn't stick.”

Just like that, he felt like he could breathe again. Cleo wasn't your daughter but your dog and the ring you were indeed wearing on your left hand was one he recognized from your jewellery box.

A relieved chuckle left his lips and he mirrored your position. He held out his hand for Cleo to smell before he touched her. She really was excited; she was pulling against your hold and tried to get closer, her tail was waggling so hard her whole body moved in the rhythm and she nudged her nose against his palm hard after a short sniff, so he would pet her.

You did your best to hold her back, but after Spencer verbally said hi to her and was petting her on both sides of her head she surged forward; your hand slipped from the collar and Cleo threw her whole weight against him, making him loose balance and topple over.

With an outstretched arm he held himself up, laughing, as your dog rubbed her head against his torso and hand and was spinning around a couple of times between his legs, repeatedly leaning herself into him with every turn.

“Cleo!” Your voice had a warning tone to it that hadn't fully replaced your laugh though, not until she let out a small bark and started to lick over his face. “No! Stop!” You pulled her away and moved her back into the apartment; Cleo only reluctantly complied.

Before he could react, you shuffled closer on your knees until you kneeled right before him and in between his legs. You reached out and started to wipe the side of his face clean; the sleeve of your sweater pulled over your fingers. “I'm so sorry, she's usually not that excited. I have never seen her do this to someone that isn't me.”

He froze when you got close and he felt your touch, every soft stroke leaving behind a trail of fire, even with the thin fabric barrier between you. One would think his heart couldn't pound any faster in his chest than it already had since he had laid eyes on you again, but it did.

“It's- hu, it's okay”, he stammered as he was watching you intensely, with wide eyes.

“No, it's not”, you said softly and took his chin between your thumb and index finger, slightly tilting his head to the side as you tried to get everything off. “Do you want a wet wipe or something? You can come in and wash your face if you'd prefer that.”

Spencer couldn't help the smile stretching on his lips, his heart warming over the fact that you were still looking out for him, after all these years; after everything that had happened and all the things that had been said the day you broke up with him. His hand moved on its own accord and he wrapped his hand around your wrist, stopping you. “Really, it's okay.”

You met his gaze, heat rising in your cheeks and it was like you only now realized how close the both of you were sitting and that you were touching him. For a second you froze, your eyes wide. Then, after a deep breath, you pulled back to bring some distance between you and cleared your throat, looking away.

He could tell there was an apology forming on your tongue, but you swallowed it down. You began to nervously fidget with the hem of your sleeve and cleared your throat. “So, uh, do you want to come with us? There is this coffee shop on the way that opened about six months ago and they're really good, we- we could grab a coffee and catch up...?”

“I'd really like that.”

It was easy, talking to you. The initial awkwardness and anxiety he had been feeling had quickly faded and the both of you were talking as freely and open as before, like no time had passed; and he was incredibly grateful for it. Neither of you had been going to personal topics for now though – the closest thing to personal in a deeper sense was when you asked about his mom –, the both of you had been talking more about everything and anything.

[..] Did you end up getting that book collection you had your eyes on? - When did you get Cleo? - Oh, do you remember my coworker Grace? All the rumours really were true! - Is your neighbour still vacuuming solely in the middle of the night? [..]

About halfway to the park you stopped at the café you had mentioned and while you were waiting in line, you told him about the different coffee varieties they offered; the flavours, how strong they were, how sweet, the seasonal ones. You had drunk your way through the list three times and until you decided on your Top 5.

He crinkled his nose in adoration as he was listening to you rambling about the coffee – what you liked about each one and why you didn't like another – totally engrossed by you; you had done this in the past as well and it made Spencer happy that you still were. It was adorable. He wondered, if you still wrote down your Top 5's in that little notebook you had always kept in your purse.

The one you recommended to him was really good, you had met his taste precisely; the perfect amount of sweetness just how he liked it, and with a hint of vanilla and cinnamon.

There were many occasions he was about to reach for your hand, it was almost instinctually when you were this close to him. He didn't know if you would let him, if you would want it. So Spencer didn't. Instead he buried his hand deep into the pocket of his coat to keep himself from reaching for you, holding a tight grip on an old pack of gum he forgot was even in there.

Throughout the whole way from your apartment to the park, Cleo was happily dancing around you, just shy of making one of you trip over her. That she didn't circle around the both of you to wrap the leash around your legs – all '101-Dalmatians'-like – was all.

After you arrived at the park you walked a bit further in until you came to a fenced area that seemed to be reserved for dogs for them to freely run around without having to be leashed. As soon as you unhooked the leash from Cleo's collar she dashed forward, joining a group of dogs playing.

Spencer and you sat down on a bench and just sat in comfortable silence for a moment, watching her. His hands got clammy as he got nervous because of the proximity, and he tried to wipe them on his pants as discreetly as he could. You were sitting so close to him, your thighs and shoulders were almost touching; he could feel the warmth radiating from your body and with every soft breeze the smell of your shampoo got carried over.

“So, uh... How have you been?”, you asked after a few minutes.

He huffed out a small laugh and licked over his lips. Where should he even begin. “Long story short? Not good then somewhat okay, bad, worse, better, okay.”

"Sounds like one hell of a roller coaster."

Oh you had no idea how much. And 'hell' sounded about right to be honest. "You could say that... How about you?"

"Wasn't much going on for me to be honest. I've been... okay? After some time at least...”, you admitted nervously, following Cleo with your eyes. “Everything alright at the BAU? How is everyone?”

“Good, they're good.” Spencer started telling you about all the changes within the team, but he left out all the bad stuff for now – he told you about Alex leaving, about Tara joining after practically a 36 hour long job interview for the open position, JJ and Will having a second child, that Morgan left and had married Savanah and that they had a son as well, Garcia vehemently trying – but ultimately failing – to hate the newbie Luke.

“Rossi got married last year.”

“Really? Again?” You let out a soft laugh.

“He re-married his third wife actually. They got back together after-” He had to stop for a second and swallowed hard as the spark of hope was reigniting in his chest. If Dave and Krystall had found their way back to each other after thirty years and made it work, five years didn't sound all that bad in retrospective. He tried to play it off like he was trying to remember the exact number of years. “Around three decades, I think.”

“Wow... That's a lot of time..”

“It is.” For a short moment Spencer didn't say anything more, trying to muster up the courage to tell you he left the team as well.

“And I- uh” He huffed out a small laugh, nervous, and let his gaze wander over the meadow. There he goes... “I'm not- I'm not with the BAU any more, actually.”

“...Oh”

For a moment you didn't say anything else and his heart beat faster. He couldn't a hundred percent gauge what your silence meant. What the oh meant. Did you care? Were you relieved or maybe even sad for him? Could – would – it change anything between you, even after all this time? Would you give the both of you a second chance? Him?

Hope started to rise up again in his chest and he tried to stop it and keep it at bay, so it wouldn't take over him; it would only crush him even more to lose you a second time if he'd let it happen. Spencer's breathing became more shallow and slightly faster as he waited for you to say more.

He could just turn his head to look at your face of course, study your expressions to get his answer without you saying another word. He didn't. Something held him back; maybe it was only because he was respecting your wishes from years ago not to profile you. Maybe it was fear of what he would see.

He heard you clear your throat and when you spoke, your voice was shaking, almost undetectable however. If you wouldn't sit so close to him – and if it wouldn't be you and he wouldn't be him – one probably wouldn't have noticed. “Why not?”

“Re-assignment due to budget-cuts or something like that. There were a couple of people higher up the food chain than Emily that had it out for us for a couple of years now.” His eyes followed Cleo sprinting over the grass, chasing and playing with the other dogs.

“Emily is back?”, you asked. The last thing you knew was that she had left for London not long after she came back from the dead.

“Yeah, she took over from Hotch after-” He stopped himself.

Telling you about Hotch and Scratch and why Emily fully became Unit Chief of the BAU, meant he had to tell you about everything else; everything that had happened to him. He just wasn't ready for this yet. This would have to be a story for another day; for both your and his sake.

“Anyway, I uh- I'm teaching now. Full-time. Mostly at the academy and some colleges here and there. But all in all-” Spencer took a deep breath. “Fixed work hours and no travelling for longer than a day.”

Only when he felt you tense up did he bring himself to look at you. You were sitting up with a straight back, eyebrows furrowed, lips slightly pursed. Your eyes were darting around and he watched a muscle twitch on your jaw.

He quickly looked away again, concentrating on Cleo again, before he could read you more. He couldn't help it, it was hard not to and turn it off. By now profiling was in his blood, it was a subconscious habit he couldn't always control, it just happened. You didn't want to get profiled, so he did what he could do to not use his profession on you. If it meant turning away and not look at you, even if he was only looking just to see you, he'd do it.

Also, he knew that he was biased; another reason why he shouldn't. What he would see and read would not be accurate. Usually, this was not a problem, he could read body language and micro-expressions with a 99,42% accuracy, since he'd do it with a neutral stand. But right now it was personal.

What ever Spencer would see in your non-verbal communication, he was too involved to not let his judgement get clouded by his feelings for you, his hopes and his fears. He would only see what he wanted to see, or what he not wanted to see, depending on which part of his heart was winning at the moment; the confident and hopeful part, or the insecure and anxious part.

“That's... That's nice. Do you like it?” He wished, he knew what you were thinking right now. Your tone didn't give much away on how you were feeling, but you seemed a bit more relaxed to him.

“Yeah, it's fun. There are some key topics on the curriculum I have to cover of course, but other than that I have pretty much full reign over the subject matters. Learning is more fun when it is about something you're really interested in, so I take suggestions from my students for a lot of the lectures. It's been paying off already.” He smiled proudly. “They contribute more and most grades have gone up.”

Slowly, the longer you talked as the evening proceeded and the sun slowly began to set, he let himself go, allowed his heart to open up and he welcomed the prospect of having you back in his life – to what ever extent it may be, even if only as a friend if that was what you wanted.

His heart had leaped when you shared you weren't seeing anyone and it hadn't slowed down it's pace ever since. Both of you had been talking and asking about it in the most complicated and conspicuously inconspicuous ways one can ask 'are you dating someone?'.

Not only this, but you wanted to spent more time with him. Spencer couldn't believe his luck. It was almost too good to be true and he feared he might wake up from this wonderful dream any minute.

He could tell how nervous you were when you asked him; hands and voice shaking, fingers fidgeting with Cleos leash in your lap, your eyes not daring to meet his.

"Tonight is this big bonfire at the Benson's farm, you know, the one with the apple orchard? I was thinking of going and.. maybe if you- I mean, if you are free tonight and want, uh- Would you like to go with me?"

There was nothing he'd rather do, nowhere he'd rather be.

After a short stop at your apartment to bring Cleo home and for the both of you to freshen up, you made your way to the farm. It was a fairly short drive and the roads were mostly empty as it got later, a bright full moon illuminating the way now.

When you arrived, there weren't too many people present. It felt more like a large family gathering than a big event. At a decent distance were benches placed around the huge bonfire, there was a tent where various beverages and a few food options were served. Next to it stood a truck from the fire department and an ambulance; a precaution if the fire got out of control or someone got hurt.

The air smelled of smoke and burning wood, french fries, beer and Mrs. Benson's home made apple pie.

Sorry, Mr. Benson's apple pie as Spencer learned some time after you arrived. You introduced him to the hosts and you started to talk about a new recipe for the pie filling you had tried to make and Mr. Benson explained what he would have done different than the recipe you found had stated.

The Benson's were nice people – he had met them once when he had accompanied you to the farm to get apples and honey. You had gotten closer to them since then, dropping by to help them out from time to time, especially when it was time for the harvest.

He had to catch his breath as his heart fluttered, his eyes glued to your face as he watched you talk with old man Benson. The way your eyes wrinkled at the corners when you smiled and the excited glint in your eyes, how the fire painted beautiful orange patterns on your face as the flames danced high, fuelled by the soft breeze; combined with the silvery light of the full moon shining bright. You looked ethereal.

Spencer became increasingly aware of said man's wife and her three friends, who stood a little farther away. The women were whispering to each other and kept looking over, one of them not so subtlety pointing at the both of you. They weren't talking badly, not at all; they were smiling and giggling as they were talking, nodding at what the other ones were saying, swooning with their hands over their hearts from time to time.

It could only mean one thing – and he wasn't sure if he should be embarrassed about it, or not: that he all too obviously for everyone around looked as love struck as he felt; utterly bewitched by your beauty, completely head over heels, truly madly and deeply in love with you in every way, a total goner who was worshipping the ground you were walking on.

Thank god for the warm shine of the fire, or they would be able to see the blush rising up his neck in this moment as well... He just was glad that he had finished his piece of pie before this, otherwise he'd probably stand here with an open mouth and the fork frozen in mid air as he was looking at you. Now, that would have been a good picture.

What he didn't know though, was that they weren't just talking about the smitten look on his face, but yours as well. The longing glances you shot his way whenever he wasn't looking, how you were orbiting around him like the earth around the sun, a magnetic pull to each other that not even the both of you seemed to realise you had as you unconsciously stepped closer to the other when you stood too far apart. They talked about the fact, that you looked at Spencer with such a happy and beaming smile they hadn't seen on your face in a long time.

And that they could tell how hesitant and shy the both of you were about getting closer.

It's not like he didn't want to, believe me. The urge to hold your hand or wrap his arms around you – to kiss you – was still burning in every fibre of his body and it got more and more challenging to hold back, the longer he was around you. Leaving out the tiny part in him that was still afraid of getting rejected, he didn't want to impose on you by acting on it. He didn't want to possibly make you uncomfortable, so he left it to you to initiate any physical contact.

Admittedly, this was very much a bad plan if you were doing the same and were waiting for him to make the first move. However, the universe seemed to take matters in its own hands again.

Spencer had to remove himself from of the situation for a moment to restore some of his composure and not ogle you non-stop; especially not in front of all these people. He let you know that he would get the both of you something to drink and asked what he should get for you; when he came back, Mr. Benson had left.

For some time you stayed close to the fire, until he saw you lift your hand to fan yourself some air. “Too warm?”

You let out a small laugh and smiled at him. “Yeah, it starts getting a bit too much.”

He took the now empty cup from you and with a tilt of his head he signalled you to follow him. He gave the cups back to the person behind the make-shift bar counter and you walked a little farther away, putting some distance between you and both the tent and the fire. And the people too actually, the majority had gathered close around the flames in small groups.

“That's much better”, you sighed. “I like a nice fire as much as the next pers- oh.”

Before you could finish, you lost your balance when a body collided with yours from behind. You stumbled forward and Spencer instinctively reached out to catch you – he got a hold of your arms with a firm grip on them right above your elbows as you fell into him, bringing up your own hands to hold onto his shoulders.

“Oh, dear, I am so sorry, I must have tripped over something. Are you okay?”, the voice of a woman came from behind you.

Neither of you let go of the other as you turned to face her. Spencer recognized her as one of the women that had talked with Mrs. Benson earlier and the look on her face told a whole different story than her words; that she wasn't sorry at all and that it had been deliberately planned to bump into you.

“I'm okay, no worries. Are you?”, you asked her and quickly scanned her for injuries.

“Ooh, I'm good. I'm good...”, she replied, almost in a sing-sang kind of tone and a wide smile on her lips. She snickered softly and walked away, her hand raised with a lazy kind of flick in her wrist as a wave good-bye.

The both of you watched her walk away, baffled.

“Okayyy”, you let out as you kept your eyes on her for a moment longer. “As long as she didn't twist her ankle or something.”

You turned your head, and just like earlier in front of your apartment, it seemed like you only just now realised the position you were in when your eyes met his. How close you were and that you were still holding on to each other.

Only this time, you didn't pull away.

The world around him seemed to fade away, time standing still, as he held your gaze. Your breath hitched and when his eyes flickered down to your lips, Spencer felt your grip on him tighten, subconsciously pulling him closer to you. His heart was in his throat and it beat so loud that he was sure you were able to hear it. He let his eyes wander back up and when he saw that you were looking at his lips as well, he threw all caution in the wind and just... did it.

He let go of your elbows, took your face in his hands and leaned in, hovering his lips over yours for a short moment to give you an out, to give you time to pull away, but you didn't; instead you closed the small space that was left between you.

A long and deep sigh rumbled in the back of his throat when your lips met and he pulled you closer; as you leaned into him, your hands moved higher until your fingers were tangled in his hair, slightly tugging on it.

When you pulled back – more than reluctantly, but the both of you were still in public – , you were panting, your breaths mingling as your faces were still so close to each other. Spencer kept his eyes closed for a moment longer, not quiet ready to open them yet, afraid that when he did, he would wake up from an incredibly vivid dream.

“I'm sorry”, you suddenly choked out, which made him open his eyes in an instant. Tears were streaming down your face and you took a step back, keeping him at arms length. “I am so sorry, Spencer.”

“Hey, what's wrong? Talk to me, please.” Your emotions had changed so suddenly, he didn't know what happened, what made you cry. He wasn't sure what he should do, how he could help you calm down.

“I'm sorry”, you repeated, shaking your head.

“What for?” Did you regret letting him get close to you again; kissing him? Did you regret, that you hadn't just closed the door right in his face as soon as you had seen him this afternoon?

“Everything!” you choked out. “For how I acted all the time and for leaving like that, for leaving when I did. That I didn't contact you even once. For saying all those things, it wasn't fair. It never was. You didn't deserve it. I was so mean for no reason...” You sniffled and wiped the back of your hand under your nose. “I regretted every word the moment I said it, I didn't mean any of it. I couldn't stop talking and it was like I was losing control over myself and it all just came out and-....”

“Hey, I know...” Spencer took a small step closer to you. “In that moment it hurt, yes. And it took a lot of time until it stopped hurting; sometimes it still does. But I get it. You were scared. Some people get angry and lash out at the people around them when they are scared, especially directed at the person they are scared for; everyone reacts different. It's a totally normal reaction, I don't blame you.“

A sob came over your lips, your face twisting in pain. “Please don't be like that...”

His brows furrowed, a short and sharp pain in his chest. “Like what?”, he breathed out.

“So understanding... I acted like a total bitch to you! You should hate me... Why don't you hate me?” Your voice broke and got smaller with every word.

The corners of his mouth slightly raised to the whisper of a smile and Spencer closed the distance between you, lifting his hands to cup your cheeks. He wholeheartedly meant what he said next; there was not one thing he could think of that would change anything about it.

“I could never hate you.”

“You were shot. You needed me and left you alone and-”

“I've had worse. Before that day in Texas and certainly after”, he trailed off and softly shook his head when your brows furrowed even more, pain and fear so evidently in your eyes; he could tell that you knew he wasn't talking about anything related to the break-up.

“It's okay, I'm okay.” Spencer brushed your tears away, holding your face so gently in his hands as if you'd break into a million pieces if he wasn't careful enough. By the looks of it, you may very well would. Not a risk he was willing to take.

You opened your mouth to say something, but he stopped you from asking what had happened after, by placing his thumb over your lips. “Not tonight.” Gently, he brushed his thumb over your bottom lip to the corner of your mouth. “We'll talk about it all and I will tell you everything, I promise. Just.. not tonight, okay?”

He wanted to stay in that little bubble you had created a little longer and ignore everything else but the feeling of having you back in his arms, being able to kiss and hug and touch you again, he just wanted to revel in your presence and your love. Everything else could wait; the guilt, the talking it out, the pain and especially all the bad stuff he had held back.

You pulled him closer by the collar of his jacket until there was no room left between you. For a second you fought with yourself, your eyes darting back and forth between his like you were looking for something in his gaze before you acted on what you wanted to do. Then-

“I love you.”

Before he could say, think or do anything else, Spencer dove down and pressed his lips against yours, smiling widely into the kiss. His heart was racing and he felt like a huge burden had fallen from his shoulders that he didn't even know he had been carrying. When he pulled back he rested his forehead against yours, his eyes closed. “I love you.”

He couldn't hold back his own soft laugh when he heard you giggle happily before you said: “I can't believe you still want me...”

“It's you. It's always been you and it always will be you.”

[theyluvkarolina]

౨ৎ APPLE OF MY EYE ౨ৎ

masterlist / rules / requests & talks with me!

SUMMARY౨ৎ fernando loves his little girl. and he isn’t afraid to show that. from her first time in the garage, to her first ever football game. Best of all? Everyone loves girl-dad fernando!! (a smau compilation of fernando, you, and camila 🩵) requested!

PAIRING ౨ৎ Fernando Alonso x Wife!Reader

WARNINGS ౨ৎ none! super fluffy 🩵 (fernando types like a dad, i don’t make the rules) VERY SHORT!

A/N ౨ৎ little camila has been converted into a oc at this point?? i mean she’s been in not one but 2 fernando fics already. unintentionally created a oc haha

PART 1: `` ౨ৎ SECRET IS OUT ౨ৎ `` ,

EXTRA: `` ౨ৎSLIPPING THROUGH MY FINGERS౨ৎ ``

TWITTER

INSTAGRAM, DECEMBER 2023

y/n_l/n & fernandoalo_offical have made a new post!

liked by astonmartinf1, lace_stroll, carlossainz55, and others

y/n_l/n a little someone is done cooking… welcome to the world Camila 🎀

1,396 comments

user1 OMG IT HAPPENED 🥹🥹

user2 CAMILA L/N-ALONSO HAS BEEN BORN

user3 project verstappen is a go.

→ user4 project verstappen??? more like project alonso 🗣️

→ user5 OOOHH FERNANDO ALONSO!!! 🗣️🔥

f1 ✔︎ the young rookie finally has his own young one! Congratulations you two! Can’t wait to see her in the garage! 🏁

francisca.cgomes ✔︎ AHHH SHE’S SO CUTE! CAN’T WAIT TO MEET HER 🩷

y/n_l/n all doors are open for you 😚

landonorris ✔︎ papaya fan in the making? 👀🍊

→ fernandoalo_offical ✔︎ no! 🎉 🎊 🎈

→ oscarpiastri ✔︎ that’s a orange

→ landonorris ✔︎ no shit sherlock

astonmartinf1 ✔︎ Congratulations to our new crew member! 😊

→ y/n_l/n 💚

estebanocon ✔︎ glad to know that Lance didn’t spoil this one!

→ lance_stroll ✔︎ haha funny. 🫤

oscarpiastri ✔︎ seems i won’t be the youngest on the grid anymore 😅

→ y/n_l/n don’t worry oscar, you’re still my adopted son 🫂

→ oscarpiastri ✔︎ good to know 🙃

→ landonorris ✔︎ what about me @ y/n_l/n??? 🤨

→ y/n_l/n you’ve been demoted since you helped lance leak my baby shower 😒

→ landonorris ✔︎ I SAID SORRY

→ y/n_l/n apology NOT accepted

maxverstappen1 ✔︎ …are toy donations still up for grabs?

→ kellypiquet ✔︎ …Max? 🤨

→ maxverstappen1 ✔︎ you saw nothing.

lilymunihe ✔︎ officially a milf???

→ y/n_l/n hell yeah 😍😍😋

TWITTER, 2026

INSTAGRAM, FUTURE (2026)

fernandoalo_offical ✔︎

liked by y/n_l/n, landonorris, charles_leclerc, and others

fernandoalo_offical Camila’s first race! Everything's better with loved ones in the garage ❤️

tagged; y/n_l/n

2,348 comments

y/n_l/n @ landonorris why are you bribing my child with hats 🤨

→ landonorris ✔︎ those are very bold accusations you’re throwing Mrs. L/N-Alonso 🤔

→ y/n_l/n then why did she come home saying mclaren is the best??

→ landonorris ✔︎ ….ask oscar?

→ y/n_l/n you lost babysitting privileges.

→ oscarpiastri ✔︎ gotta show her the better team 🤷

→ y/n_l/n YOU LOST THEM TOO. KIKA AND LILY ARE NOW IN CHARGE.

→ francisca.cgomes ✔︎ yes ma’am. 😳

→ lilymunihe ✔︎ yay!

→ lilyzneimer yay!

→ lilymunihe ✔︎ …🤨 @ lilyzneimer

→ lilyzneimer …🤨 @ lilymunihe

user6 MOM IS BACK IN THE PADDOCK!!

user7 i love how fernando just posts his family instead of anythin team related 😭

→ astionmartinf1 ✔︎ still waiting to be seen 😞👊

→ fernandoalo_offical ✔︎ the wife and camila come first ❤️

→ y/n_l/n as it should :)

fernandoalo_offical ✔︎

liked by fernandoalonso, francisca.cgomes, kellypiquet, and others

y/n_l/n quick late summer break :)

tagged; fernandoalonso

3,208 comments

user8 DILF!! DILF!! DILF!! 📢‼🚨🚨📣🗣🗣⚠️

user9 my dilf senses are tingling 🤤

user10 PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT FERNANDO WHAT ABOUT CAMILA :(( SHE LOOKS SO HAPPY 🥹🩷

→ user11 THIS!! YOU KNOW THAT LITTLE GIRL IS LOVED BY HOW MUCH FERNANDO (FERNANDO FOR CRYING OUT LOUD) POSTS HER 🥹

→ fernandoalo_offical ✔︎ Ella es mi princesita, of course I post her ☺️

→ user12 “she’s my princess” IM GONNA CRY.

user13 ugh y/n is so classy.

→ user14 very classy very demure

francisca.cgomes ✔︎ she’s growing up so fast 🥹🥹

→ y/n_l/n I know! I still remember when she was just born 🩷

→ fernandoalo_offical ✔︎ and I still remember you screaming and crushing my hand 😅

→ y/n_l/n we agreed to keep this silent 😞

fernandoalo_offical ✔︎

liked by f1, georgerussell63, astonmartinf1, and others

fernandoalonso father like daughter!

tagged; y/n_l/n

2,348 comments

user15 PROJECT VERSTAPPEN!!

→ user16 NO, PROJECT HAMILTON

→ user17 i say project schumacher 🙃

→ fernandoalo_offical ✔︎ everyone forgot about project alonso 😞

→ user18 look at what you guys did. you made grandpa sad.

lewishamilton ✔︎ already better than most people i knew of on the track! 🤩 🏁

→ nicorosberg ✔︎ …🤨

astonmartinf1 ✔︎ already preparing for that seat 👀

→ user19 yeah, if lance or fernando ever leave 😭

→ user20 LMAO

f1 ✔︎ Future World Champion in the making!

→ user21 a woman could be f1 champion 😂🤣

→ oscarpiastri ✔︎ imagine bullying a little girl @ user21

→ landonorris ✔︎ imagine hating on a little girl that could kick your ass in karting @ user21

→ maxverstappen1 ✔︎ imagine feeling the need to say something out of your ass because your jealous she can be better than you @ user21

→ carlossainz55 ✔︎ imagine being such a lowlife @ user21

→ charles_leclerc ✔︎ imagine being such a piece of shit @ user21

→ lance_stroll ✔︎ imagine taking your anger on a girl who’s father loves her enough to put her into something she loves and you couldn’t because your father left for milk and never came home after 40+ years. @ user21

view 1239 more comments by alexalbon, lewishamilton, yukitsunoda, and others?

→ user22 watching the grid defend camila and degrade this middle-aged man is the highlight of my day.

→ y/n_l/n couldn’t have asked for better friends 🥹

INSTAGRAM

y/n_l/n

y/n_l/n my babies ❤️

tagged; fernandoalonso, oscarpiastri, lilyzneimer

3,208 comments

oscarpiastri ✔︎ mama e papa

→ user23 NOT FERNANDO AND Y/N ADOPTING OSCAR AND LILY

→ fernandoalo_offical ✔︎ mi amor, you do know that oscar and lily aren’t our children right?

→ y/n_l/n what do you mean i literally birthed them out of my vagina??

→ oscarpiastri ✔︎ wait wouldn’t that make her my sister and not… my girlfriend..? 😬

→ y/n_l/n i take it back i didn’t birth them out from inside of me

user24 the family we didn’t know we needed

user25 HER FLUFFY DRESS.

→ y/n_l/n alexandra picked it out! she taste in fashion is impeccable ❤️

→ alexandrasaintmleux ✔︎ always happy to help out! it was the best having camila with us during the ceremony 🩷

user26 the way she sat on Fernando’ss laop the whole time and clapped when everyone started clapping 😭

→ user27 AND WHEN SHE WOULD SAY HI TO THE DRIVERS ON THE STAGE WHEN THEY WERE CALLED UP

→ user28 everyone loves camila l/n-alonso

maxvertsappen1 ✔︎ stop she is so cute im crying 😭😭😭😭😭😭🥹🥹😞😞😓😓😔😔😔🫶🤌🥰

→ charles_leclerc ✔︎ max how drunk on alcohol are you right now?

→ maxvertsappen1 ✔︎ 5’11

→ landonorris ✔︎ HE SAID DRUNK NOT HIGH YOU MUPPET 💀

fernandoalo_offical ✔︎

🎵 Slipping Through My Fingers - ABBA

liked by lewishamilton, yukitsunoda, felipedrugovich, and others

fernandoalonso ¡Creciendo tan rápido! First day of school already! 🏫 Camila even got asked what she wanted to be when she grew up and said she’d like to be a engineer ❤️

tagged; y/n_l/n

2,348 comments

user29 THE SONG.

→ user30 NONONO I CAN’T DO THIS. NOT WITH THIS SONG :(

→ user31 “Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning”

→ user32 “Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile”

→ landonorris ✔︎ ENOUGH OF THIS YOU MONSTERS.

oscarpiastri ✔︎ i can you you crying from your hotel room @ landonorris

→ landonorris ✔︎ LEAVE ME ALONE LET ME CRY IN PEACE.

user33 mama mia core 😭

user34 i just watched a child grow up. i feel so old.

landonorris ✔︎ i swore she was just born 4 months ago

→ y/n_l/n and i swore i saw you bribbing her to be a mclaren fan not too long ago too! 😊

lance_stroll ✔︎ will miss seeing her in the garage 😞

→ y/n_l/n Camila says she’ll miss you too Lancey 💚

→ user37 MORE LACEY STROLLY AND CAMILA CONTENT 🗣️

user35 SHE 😭 WANTS 😭 TO 😭 BE 😭A 😭 ENGINEER

user36 mark my words she will be in f1 one way or another.

kellypiquet ✔︎ the absolute cutest. can’t wait for her a P to hang out again sometime soon!

♥️ liked by Author!

→ y/n_l/n planning the next play date already!

TWITTER, 204?

INSTAGRAM, 204?

camila_y/nalonso has made a new post!

camila_y/nalonso truly a honor for my dream to come true. from being a little girl watching everything happen, to finally working on everything happening. ¡Vamos, McLaren! (P.S Thank you Uncle Lando for getting me into McLaren 🧡 )

tagged; mclaren

3,405 comments

fernandoalo_offical ✔︎ Esa es mi chica. ❤️ (That's my girl.)

[rzyraffek]

A confused and concerned yautja with a reader who loves books, and cries or smiles when reading

Yo babygrills im on streak! Second fic today! And that request is cute!

Tw: jelousy

They/them, sfw, Request open

Yautja with emotional bookworm s/o

First time when s/o asked him nicley to get them some books he didnt really question it, maybe its a human thing? He is a good boy so he brings them to some earth library and s/o almost started jumping out of excitement? Well that must mean he is a good husband😊

So he lets s/o 'borrow' some books and they go back to ship

Well he is kinda happy? It's pretty common for him to disappear to hunt for days, and its nice to know that s/o isn't just sitting bored at the ship. Makes the hunt less stressful. Before he was always worried "what if I hunt bad prey and mate will be disappointed? They waited so long..."

But he kinda gets worried when he hears them randomly giggle... uh what's so funny? Ooh the wooden plate said something funny? Cool

He gets jelous when s/o reads some romance stories and giggles and blushes over some words... he should be the one making them feel this way :(

But when s/o cries??? Dude litteraly hisses at the book. Nuh uh bbg you are getting break from books!

Ofc he cant ban them from reading books for ever! He just pressures them on avoiding romance books cus they make him jelous! He should be the one! He senses how some of those books make you feel.... Stop!!!

He enjoys lisening to s/o talk about characters, plottwists, lore. Its like the type of podcast you would lisen to fall asleep. He will wrap his heavy arms around s/o and slowly drift to sleep, or place their body on his and feel their body move and vibrate due to all this talking

Loves to lisen about s/o theories and how they react once they were right! Yay your crazy totally not obvious theory way right yay

He still can't relate to idea of enjoying funny looking wooden square that clearly is sending you a telepathic messages... it doenst sound intresting, he hates reading

Ate one of s/o books

Loves how s/o shit talks writers of books for cliche endings or dumbass main characters or totally obvious plottwists, he loves how dramatic they get over peace of paper

Yes yes I know your sad cuz guy from book died and it's so so sad... anyways i made us dinner, wanna eat in bed

Can't relate but supports

The only NO for him are romance books and horrors

[amethystfairy1]

So in today's new fic, it's mentioned that the ocean Queen has many official husbands and a number of children from them, including Xornoth. And Scott is illegitimate because his father is not married to the queen. Are there other illegitimate children as well, or is Scott an exception because his father was the Queen's favorite courtesan? Is being illegitimate part of why he has to hide behind the curtain, as is mentioned a few times, or was that only really because they didn't want anyone connecting the dots that he has siren magic?

YAY WORLDBUILING QUESTIONS!

Scott is the only illegitimate child of the Queen, yes! This isn't the case with all nobility who have multiple children by different courtesans, but it is the case with her, because as you already mentioned she only has private relations with one of her courtesans, that is, Scott's father.

Yes, Scott is hiding behind the curtain because he's illegitimate! He's not allowed in any royal court gatherings because of that, because technically he doesn't have any title. Hope that makes sense!

[late-to-the-party-81]

To wait for you is all I can do

AN: It’s another Tower fic, yay!!! 

Doesn’t have to be read as related to my other tower fic, but could be seen as a prequel if you wanted. And yes, the title is taken from Against All Odds.

Beta’d by the lovey @drabbles-mc

Likes are loved, reblogs are golden

Dividers by @firefly-graphics and moodboard by me

Bingo fills: @buckybarnesbingo  U4 - Tower

@stuckybingo  I1 - Drinking Games

@steverogersbingo E5 - Suck and Blow Game

Join my tag list here

Master list | BBB Master list | Stucky Bingo Master List | SRB Master list

Relationships: Steve x Bucky

Word Count: 2.5k

CW: Alcohol consumption, Asgardian Mead, Teasing, Flirting, Avengers as Family, Drinking games, Pining, Angst, Second First Kiss, Getting back together.

“Ho, my brothers…and sister… I am here and the festivities can begin!” 

Saturday night in the Avengers Tower, and Thor had just arrived for one of his sporadic visits. 

Tony met him, arms wide and a grin plastered to his face, and the Asgardian Prince caught him in a bear hug, lifting off the floor.

“You’re here, Point Break. I thought you were going to disappoint us.”

“Never, my friend. I was just delayed trying to find some of this.”

With a flourish he pulled a bottle from his shoulder bag, eliciting a cheer from everyone except Steve, who groaned, and Bucky who looked confused.

“What is that?” Bucky asked. Thor walked over and clapped him on the shoulder before passing him the bottle.

“This, James, is a bottle of the finest Asgardian Mead. It is stronger than your Midgardian drinks and with it, we’ve previously managed to get the good Captain to 'cut loose'.”

Bucky snorted. “Stevie, drunk? I haven’t seen that since 1943. You think it will work on me too?”

“Assuredly,” Thor confirmed. “I have no doubt that you will feel the effects as much as the good Captain.”

Steve walked over, a serious look to his face. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, Buck. No-one has to drink.”

Bucky pulled the stopper from the top of the bottle with a pop and gave the amber liquid a sniff. “Woah! And I know that, Steve. But I do want to. It’ll be fun.” With that, Bucky took a swig, shuddering as the alcohol heated him from the inside. He turned to Thor. “That is good shit. Let’s round up the others. We should play some games.”

Steve watched him walk off across the room with Thor and couldn’t help the small twinge of jealousy at how close the two were standing together. Bucky’s recovery was going well. Excellent in fact. But he still had some gaps in his memory and they’d been told they could come back at any time or never. A brain injury such as what Bucky had sustained was unprecedented and the doctors and specialists were uncertain about what could happen. All they knew was that they couldn’t push it. All of which meant that Steve felt as though he was in purgatory.

Because it appeared that Bucky had no memories of them. Together. Of them curled up in bed during a Brooklyn winter finding ways to keep warm. Of the furtive moments together in the forests of Europe. Steve remembered every stolen moment, every quiet intimacy and held them protected in his heart, hoping every day that Bucky would remember them too. He was happy that Bucky was free. Happy that he was recovering and making friends and adapting to life in a new century - and, he thought, doing that much better than he had - but he was sad too. Sad that their relationship was more like that of brothers. Like the best friends the history books painted them as. But there was nothing he could do to change that. Either Bucky would remember and they’d have the chance to pick up where they left off, or he wouldn’t and Steve would just have to live with being the best friend he could be.

“Steve!” Bucky shouted across the room, pulling Steve out of his head. “Get your ass over here. Sam’s got a game for us to play.”

Steve squashed the urge to roll his eyes. This was no doubt going to descend into complete chaos, and he didn’t know if he was in quite the right mood for it. But he felt he owed it to Bucky to at least try. Joining the circle of his friends, some sitting on sofas and some on beanbags, Steve found himself a place next to Bucky. Bucky gave him a warm smile and Steve was struck with the bittersweet urge to kiss him knowing that he couldn’t.

“So, as our fossils and our out of towner here,” said Sam, gesticulating to Bucky, Steve and Thor, “never got to have the college experience, or play pretend at the college experience,” he nodded at Nat, “we’re gonna have some good old drinking games. First up is ‘Never have I ever. The rules are simple. We all take it in turns to say something that we’ve never done, but if someone else has done that thing, they have to take a drink. I’ll start. Never have I ever destroyed three city blocks.”

Tony and Bruce groaned and both took a swig of the beers they were holding. Nat was next. 

“Never have I ever purposefully trolled someone by shouting ‘On my left.’” She smiled slyly.

“Hey, that was one time,” grumbled Sam before taking a mouthful of his drink. “And someone pass Steve the mead.”

Thor obliged, passing the bottle and Steve took it warily, putting it to his lips and having the smallest sip he thought he could get away with. 

“Okay,” Tony announced. “My turn. Never have I ever stolen something.” He took a big drink of his beer and Bucky furrowed his brows. 

“I thought we were supposed to say something we hadn’t done.”

“Only if you don’t want to drink, Buckaroo,” Tony replied with a wink. “And now I think everyone here needs to drink, because not one of you, not even Cap, is as pure as the driven snow.”

“It’s called borrowing Tony,” Steve snarked back.

“Only if you actually return it. Drink. You too, Legolas. I don’t think there’s enough booze in this place to account for you and Romanoff.” Everyone took their drinks, Steve, Thor and Bucky passing the Asgardian liquor and Clint and Nat clinking their bottles together before they did so.

The game continued around the circle with some general statements - Never have I ever failed a maths test, Clint, Sam and Thor drinking - and some more pointed statements - Never have I ever almost ended the world by creating a robotic child, which Steve was very proud of - and the mood was mellow. Steve was even starting to relax and enjoy himself. And then Thor happened.

“Never have I ever had a crush on a comrade in arms.” Tony, Bruce and Sam knocked back their drinks straight away, and Steve… Well, Steve could have lied. He could have sat there innocently, except he faltered. He started to reach for the mead but then stopped, drawing everyone’s attention to him. Bucky looked at him, head cocked and Nat just raised one defined eyebrow. With nothing else for it, Steve resumed his move towards the only alcohol that could affect him and poured himself a healthy measure.

“Aaawww, Capsicle,” Tony drawled, “I didn’t know you cared.” Steve just glared at him and the billionaire just chuckled. “But really, who hasn’t had a little crush on Nat at some point or another. You’re only human.”

Steve could feel the blood rushing to his face, but there was also no way he was going to correct Tony’s assumption. Nat continued to observe him for a heartbeat more and he gave her a wan smile.

“Okay guys,” she said. “Time for a new game. I need a pack of cards, or rather just one from a pack. It’s time to Suck and Blow.”

Tony started to laugh raucously before standing up and going over to one of the many sideboards and rifling through the drawers. “This is going to be so good.”

Steve was confused, and a glance at Bucky showed he was the same, but luckily it was Thor or voiced the question. 

“Pray tell, Lady Widow. What is this game of sucking and blowing? I do not believe it can possibly be what it sounds like.”

At the moment, Tony returned to the group and passed a card - the Joker, or course - to Nat. 

“So,” she explained, “I will put the card to my lips and suck it to hold it in place. I then move towards the person next to me and when the card touches their lips they suck and I blow to transfer it. They then pass it along to the next person. If you let it drop you both drink. Easy. Like this…”

Nat put the Joker to her lips and held it there with suction, leaning towards Clint and passing it over as if it were nothing. Clint passed it to Sam, who giggled a bit before managing to take it and Clint high-fived Nat.

“Do I have to?” Bruce questioned and the card fell from Sam’s mouth as he ran out of breath.

“Dude!” Sam exclaimed. “What the hell?” and he took a drink. Bruce followed, looking chagrined, and then Sam put the card to his lips again and passed it over. Bruce turned and that’s when he realised he was facing Tony, who had a mischievous glint in his eye. Bruce tried to pass him the card, but it was obvious that Tony ‘forgot’ to suck. The card fell down between them and Tony cupped Bruce’s face, planting an over the top kiss on the scientist’s lips. Clint spat out his drink, Thor laughed out loud and even Bucky’s lips twitched in amusement. 

Tony drew back, peering at Bruce as if he were an experiment gone awry. “Hhmm, no Hulk. I’d thought for sure he’d have wanted a piece of that action. Oh well.” He shrugged and took a drink. 

Bruce glared as he tipped back his bottle, but he then put the card to his lips and effortlessly passed it to Thor, who passed it onto Bucky with an amused glint in his eye. The Bucky turned towards Steve and Steve? Steve couldn’t breathe. All he could see was Bucky’s blue-grey eyes getting closer and closer. The card touched his lips, Bucky blew and Steve forgot to suck.

The card fell away and their lips brushed together.

Steve felt as though he was in one of those cheesy romance movies Tony had made him watch, where the main couple kiss and there’s fireworks and bird singing, because Bucky’s lips felt the same as they always had, and his heart was thudding in his chest, and - oh shit! - he should pull away, he’s not supposed to keep kissing Bucky who doesn’t remember them, and…

Suddenly Bucky was gone. He ripped his lips from Steve’s, stood and bolted from the communal room. Steve knew the others were staring, wondering what on earth had just happened, but he didn’t care about them, Bucky was his priority. 

He scrambled to his feet. “Buck! Wait!” he called and then followed Bucky out of the room.

“Well,” said Tony. “That was unexpected.”

Nat turned and cocked her head. “Was it?”

“Buck, please can I come in? I’m sorry.”

Steve rested his head against the door to Bucky’s room, feeling like the worst friend in the world. He’d violated Bucky’s trust at best, and disgusted and scared him at worst.

He hadn’t been surprised to find the door to Bucky’s room, inside their shared apartment, shut. Steve didn’t know if it was locked or not, but he wasn’t going to step in uninvited. However, he couldn’t walk away either, so with his heart beating harshly in his chest and his breath ragged in his lungs, Steve turned and slid down the closed door, head in his hands as he tried to work out what to do - how to make this right.

Steve had no idea how long he sat there, mumbling to himself as he tried to work through the answer in his head. But he was so caught up in his thoughts he was oblivious to movement from within Bucky’s room, until he was falling backwards, staring up at Bucky’s upside down face. He blushed.

“Umm, hey there, Buck.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, which Steve took as a good sign. “Get up, punk.” 

“Uh, yeah.” Steve pushed himself up, with far less elegance than he was capable of, and faced Bucky properly. Without a word Bucky walked back into his room, but he left the door open, so Steve followed him in. 

Bucky was standing with his arms crossed, leaning against the wall and Steve stopped a few paces away, feeling awkward and full of anxiety. Bucky stared at him.

“Bucky, I…”

“Shh.”

Steve’s mouth snapped shut as Bucky’s command, and he began to twist his hands together. Bucky continued to observe him and when he pushed away from the wall and started to walk around him, Steve started to feel like a bug pinned to a board. He felt as though there was an electrical current running through him, making him vibrate with fear. Or was it need? Bucky was so close to him right now, his eyes hooded and dark as he just looked at Steve.

“We used to do that all the time, didn’t we?”

“Huh?” Bucky’s question caught him off-guard.

“Kiss. We used to kiss all the time. Back, before. When you were small. But also when you were big, like this.”  Bucky stopped in front of Steve, close, but still guarded.

“Uh, yeah,” Steve croaked. “We did.”

“And more than kissing too.” A statement, not a question.

Steve coughed, nervously. “Yeah, that too.”

“But we haven’t done since I came here. Since you found me. Why?”

Steve shuffled and shook his arms out, unsure what to do with his hands.

“Well, because you couldn’t remember it. It wouldn’t have been right. And I thought you might not want to, you know. You’re different now. I’m different now. We’ve both been through a lot and it would be understandable if feelings changed. And I didn’t want to put you under any pressure, because you mean a lot to me…”

“Steve…” Bucky interrupted his rambling. “Shut up.”

In the next second Bucky closed the distance between them, his mismatched hands coming up to cup Steve’s face, and then pressed their lips together. Instinctively, Steve’s hands came up to grip the front of Bucky’s shirt, leaning into a kiss that was altogether more purposeful than their accidental brushing of lips earlier. When Bucky ended it, all too soon for Steve’s liking, his smokey eyes were alight with amusement.

“I don’t remember it all, but I do remember the face you’re making now. It’s like you’re drunk, and I have to say, it’s still pretty cute.”

Heat flooded Steve’s face once more. “Jerk,” he muttered under his breath.

“I still wanna take things slow,” Bucky added, “but I think I might still like kissing you, Stevie.”

Steve nodded vigorously. “Absolutely, Buck. Happy to be led by you. And it’s okay if you wanna change your mind…”

Bucky interrupted him once again. “Shut up and kiss me again, punk.”

With a request like that, how could Steve refuse?

Tag list: @christywrites, @alexakeyloveloki, @doasyoudesireandlive, @galactusdevourerofworlds, @crayongirl-linz, @mrs-illyrian-baby, @km-ffluv, @wheezy-stucky

[st-el-la-luna]

Okay but like, what's with fandoms and their recent obsession with "purifying" themselves and the content in them?

It's one thing if a content creator is outed as a pedophile or a racist or a xenophobe.

What I'm talking about is this newfound hatred towards dark fics and dark subject matter in general. It's like people don't understand that it's fiction. Fiction is not reality. Even if the writing is disgusting or amoral, it's not real. And you don't have to read it.

People have been writing weird shit for ages. So how come we only ever see these purity enforcers attacking fic writers or fan artists in fandoms?

Like, in the COD fandom I've seen a bunch of people getting hounded for posting or consuming dark content, I've also gotten a couple messages about it. And, like, hey buddy? Who really cares.

Fiction and reality are two separate things.

Also, why are you attacking me, a 20 year old who lives with their mom and writes for their ten consultant followers and not, oh, I don't know...

Stephen King, who has that whole underage sewer orgy scene in It.

Or the e creators of call of duty for creating literal propaganda. Because, hey besties, yes, that's what COD is. Propaganda. They want you to see it and be like, "yay, guns and the military!" And that's the thing about fiction. It's allowed.

The issue at hand is, in my mind, an issue of deeper reading comprehension or complex thoughts. And a lack of understanding of catharsis.

No one is saying these things are good. But these things exist in the world, like it or not. And in my mind, it's better to portray them in fiction than not at all. Because at least in portraying it awareness can be spread.

And again, if you don't like something, if it triggers you, just don't read it. It's simple. Like if you're watching a movie and can't stand blood so you cover your eyes not to see. You aren't going to go after the director are you? No. You're going to take steps to protect yourself against content you don't want to see or consume.

I think it's an issue of separating fan works from "real" works. Those who say fan art isn't real art or fanfiction isn't real writing. So perhaps in those people's minds, fan works, not being "real" means that they shouldn't portray things we see in reality.

All this to say here's a non-definitive list of novels with dark/disturbing content that these people would want to oppose:

It by Stephen King: The kids having an orgy in the sewers, child abuse, sexual abuse

Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov: pseudo-incest, hebephilia

The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Attwood: Women being stripped of rights, education, loss of bodily autonomy, forced breeders (at the hands of a government)

The Wasp Factory by Iain Banks

The Road by Cormac McCarthy: People keeping other people for food, people keeping women as breeding stock (at the hands of bandits in a post-apocalyptic world)

Flowers in the Attic by V. C. Andrews: child neglect, child abuse, forced isolation, incest, rape

1984 by George Orwell: totalitarianism, government surveillance, insignificance and weakness of the individual

The Stand by Stephen King: sex, rape, ableism, abuse of handicapped people, violence and killing

Maus by Art Spiegelman: depiction of violence, concentration camps, Nazis, Nazi imagery, dehumanization, starvation, mass murder

Frankenstein by Marry Shelley: human experimentation, grave robbing, necromancy, technical necrophilia, murder, revenge, suicide

In the Miso Soup by Ryū Murakami: pedo/hebephilic relations, sex industry, murder

Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy: graphic depictions of violence, use of slurs, child abuse, infanticide (? Been a while since I read it so I might be misremembering), pedophilia, rape, sexual assault and violence

Tender is the Flesh by Agustina Bazterrica: cannibalism, forced breeding, objectification, slave trade, people being bred and sold for meat

A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess: sadism, sexual violence

The Girl Next Door by Jack Ketchum: captivity, torture, torture at the hands of children, violence, sexual violence, based on a true story

Lord of The Flies by William Golding: shows the truth of human nature, dissolution of society and it's rules, violence as a basal instinct

The 120 Days of Sodom by Marquis de Sade: sex, sexual violence, rape, sex trade, pedophilia, incest, abuse, literally just the whole book

Trainspotting by Irvine Welsh: mental illness, drug use/addiction, infant death

American Psycho by Brett Easton Ellis: violence, gore, rape, murder, torture, misogyny, sadism

A lot of these books, though considered scary and disturbing and gross, are also seen as classics.

It's not the fault of the author or the media they create, but that of the consumer.

You can find it icky and gross after reading or watching such things. Most of the time you're supposed to. That's a good thing, it means you're human. These things make you think and feel and emphasize.

To control what can and cannot be written is censorship. To control how certain things are portrayed is censorship.

Be aware of the media that's out there, because these disturbing things are real issues out there. And if you can't stomach it, don't consume it.

Simple.

[eri-pl]

Silm reread 14: Men! (again)

Finrod goes hunting with M&M (C3 and AA are apparently too nasty for him to hang out?), gets bored (Finrod doesn't seem to have a great attantions span), travels far because why not, he likes new places, discovers Men.

The Men are like: Yay, we found the place we've been looking for, it's perfect, all our problems are over! Finrod decides that Men are his new hyperfixation lovely. He isn't the first Elf to meet them, they'd met the Avari and learned from them already!

Osanwe and stuff.

Finrod gets named Nóm, which totally isn't "gnome but make it nonless obvious". Finrod the gnome. I love him. And making fun of him [affectionate].

Also, the Men (Beorians) are totally fanboying over Finrod too, they claim him as their ruler and swear fealty to the Arafinweans. It seems like it is spontaneous, he doesn't ask for it or anything. No colonizer vibes. They just love each other a lot. It's all very cool and kind.

A canon cnfirmation that the Eldar (so: not Sindar) are the best at learning languages of all the peoples.

Of course, Finrod asks questions. Where do Men come from? They don't want to talk about it. Finrod will keep poking, of course. Very relateable.

Here we get the thing I already posted about: Morgoth also hyperfixated on Men, so he went to corrupt them and left Sauron as the manager. And Sauron immediately lost Maedhros, and didn't even know how. :D (It's not canon, it's my interpretation of the timeline).

Anyway, Morgoth returns and leaves "only a few of his servants and not very powerful or skilled ones" among Men. So no, tha guy we'll later see impersonating one of the Mannish chieftains very likely isn't Sauron, just some less savvy shapeshifter guy. Which shows that there are more uMaiar whose MO is shapeshifting+spreading lies. which, I think, is even mentioned somewhere.

The Green Elves of Ossiriand seem to be hardcore vegans: they can't be friends with Men, because the Men cut trees and hunt animals.

The Men relocate to A&A's lands and Beor asks Finrod to take him to Nargothrond. And here he gets the name Bëor, which means a vassal… yes, it sounds not great, but based on the vibe I would assume he was the one to pick the name and Finrod reluctantly agreed.

Other Men settle at Caranthir's land and are ignored. Finrod generally visits Men often, and many Elves of both tribes come to see them too, because Men are a cool novelty. Generally, cultural exchange.

"It is said that" (Pengolodh, you gossip!) only Finrod consulted the "giving lands to Men" thing with Thingol. (TBH, Thingol banned pretty much every other Noldo from Doriath so… well ok, they could have sent letters I guess.)

Also, Thingol does have mysterious nightmares about Men!!! Self-fulfilling prophecies ftw. Ha had those even before Men were a thing. So, this is important.

Some Men fear Eldar and the light in their eyes. Huh. Yea, they're sus and Morgoth-infused I suppose. And we have the "not Sauron because he would be more competent" shapeshifter scene.

Sidenote: It would make a good comedy fic (either a very dark comedy or not very canon but anyway): this guy returns to Sauron, tells him the [lack of] results, and Sauron (still upset after losing Mae) berates him and lectures him on how to do it properly. (If less comedic, probably some quotes or at least close paraphrases from a CSL's book I have not read would fit well in here). Hmm. It could even work without comedy.

Haleth, siege, all that stuff, Caranthir learns to respect Men, and Haleth doesn't want to be his subordinate anyway. Also, she's so brave (and/or insane) that she leads her people through the Spider-land. Also, she disses Thingol a bit (he deserved that one).

Men learn sindarin en masse. Also, many young guys serve in Elven army. Cultural exchange again.

Oh, Boromir is a FA name too! XD I forgot that. Plus a lot of other people having weird names plus we get the genealogies for Turin, Tuor and Beren. Men are cool and awesome and stuff + at the end of this chapter the three Edain tribes are described. TBH I see a pretty clear analogy of:

Hadorians - Vanyar (blond, blue-eyed, tall, author's fav), but the Men are more anger-prone. (Also, Hadorians are quite Tulkas-like to me.)

Beorians - Noldor (dark hair, grey-eyed, craftsy), but the Men have more pity

Halethians (sp?) - Teleri (not social, forest-y)

Beor dies, Elves are sad and confused that it is a thing. End of chapter.

[crowscadence]

Hey guys! You can call me Parker (he/him)

(yes I used to have Crow as my name on here but I decided to scrap the alias but you can call me that if you want idrc lmao)

Anyways! Hi, I’m Parker. I’m 17 and currently being crushed by the weight of senioritis. Welcome to my blog where I post and reblog my random thoughts and things that I think are funny and/or relate to whatever I’m interested in. There’s a lot of rambling on here and I make it everyone’s problem.

My main fandoms are Pokémon (esp Absol, which I love a normal amount) and BSD (which I also definitely love a normal amount) but I’m into some other stuff too. I run a Genshin rp account @veridian-vulpine and a BSD rp account @enigmasigma if anyone wants to check them out :)

My ask box is always open! (Don’t send explicit shit please and thank you lmao)

(Also I am diagnosed w tourettes so if you don’t wanna see those posts you may wanna block those tags bc ik from experience that talking/thinking about tics too much can trigger them)

I also write fanfictions!

You can find me on ao3 as CorvidFanWorks. I mainly write whatever I’m currently fixated on. For a while that was Genshin and now it’s BSD.

Here’s some of my favorite fics I’ve posted, if y’all wanna check them out

The Aftereffects of Vampirism ft. Shin Soukoku- BSD, M/M, no archive warnings, teen and up audience, Atsushi x Akutagawa, hurt/comfort, Akutagawa’s vampirism

At Peace At Last- Genshin, M/M, Xiao x Venti, no archive warnings, general, hurt comfort resulting from Xiao’s karmic debt being a bitch (good lord this thing is from 2022 it’s older than I thought-)

Shin Soukoku Sleepover Shenanigans- BSD, M/M, no archive warnings, general, fluff, lots of fluff, kind of crack but treated seriously

Let Me Be Vulnerable, Just For a Moment- BSD, Fukuzawa & Ranpo (father son dynamic yay), general audience, basically just Ranpo coming out to Fukuzawa

I’ll add more in the future!

Atsushi banner crop from @kyouka-supremacy, edited/shaded by me, bg photo by James Wheeler on Pexels, icon art from Pokémon TCG

[chelleztjs18]

Vision (E.O)

Elizabeth Olsen x Fem!Reader

Sumarry: Both of you and Lizzie find a little sweet treat moment while grocery shopping.

Warning: None. A late Halloween late fluff fic from my Halloween event.

Requested: Yes by @xxxtwilightaxelxxx . I hope you like it! :D

A/n: Hello! Here's the second to last of my Halloween fics. I just finished writing this literally few minutes ago. lol. Thank you @honey-sweet-hiraeth for helping me brainstorming and share an idea i can put in this fic. :) Happy reading! Reblog and comments are highly appreciated.

Halloween Masterlist | Main Masterlist

“Okay babe, so we got the bread, anchovies, avocado, your favorite chocolate milk and all of the ingredients for our dinner tonight.” Your wife of three years mumbles as she checks the inside of the cart while reading the shopping list at the same time.

“I love how fresh the fruits and the meat this store has.” the blonde comments with a smile, her green eyes look at yours.

“See…I told you, Elizabeth. This store has better produce than the one you used to go to before we met.” Your smile and tone has obvious pride in it. She laughs a little right after that. “Y/n, honey, the other store has as good produce as the one in here. We started going to this one because it sells your favorite chocolate milk and cheese.” She jokingly shakes her head as she walks with you while you push the cart.

“Oh, let’s go to the candy aisle at the end. I want to get some just in case trick or treat-ers come to our house.” Lizzie points to the aisle.

“Ouh yess candy! Let’s go!” You respond excitedly.

Lizzie looks around as soon as both of you get to the candy aisle and grabs a few different bags of candy and chocolate. You put a bag of dark chocolates into the cart. Before Lizzie gets her chance to say that she is done and it's time to leave, something caught your attention and you exclaimed “Ouh babe, look! They have some Halloween stuff too. Look at those decorations they sell!”

"Oh yeah. They have pretty good stuff here." The blonde shows her agreement with you.

“Wow, out of all the Halloween themes and myths they can pick, they still don’t have werewolves stuff. Werewolves are so underrated!” Disappointment is written all over your face right after you can’t find anything werewolves related among the things.

“Aaawww, my poor puppy. Don’t be upset.” the Scarlet Witch cast teases you. A soft pat on your head from her then she gives a peck of kiss on your cheek. Surely, a blush magically appears on your face. You smile. “Well, I guess, I can’t be upset when you call me that and get a kiss too.” she winks and giggles at your comment.

“Oh, there’s some costume too, y/n. Oh, they have a kid's werewolf costume.” She excitedly shows it to you. “Oh! Yay, something werewolf! Oh, Liz! Look what I found!” You take your turn showing what you have found.

“It's a Scarlet Witch costume for little girls! Aaawwww!” Pride wraps your tone while holding the costume.

“Oh my gosh! That actually looks so cute! I remember the first time I tried on my real Scarlet Witch costume, it was a little tight and they put wires around me for the flying scenes. It was fun.” a titter jumps out of her lips while her mind recalls the funny memories.

“Oh yeah, I remembered the first time I saw you on set with that suit. You look insanely stunning in it” You wiggle your eyebrows with a teasing smirk and she playfully rolls her eyes.

“I remember that day, when I walked past you wearing the suit you tripped on a cord on the set after you were done doing Paul’s makeup.” Both of you laughed together from the quick trip on the memory lane.

You and Lizzie observe a little more until you see something interesting. "Look at these mason jars mug, darling! Witch's brew!" You try to say the last two words in a scary horror way followed by a fake witch laugh. She laughs at your antics, she always adores your silliness.

“Oh yeah, those are cool. Maybe we can use this for your apple martinis or absinthe cocktails. Isn’t witch’s brews always green in color?” Lizzie proposes her idea.

“Oh yeah, we’ll take this. Wanda should use this as her cup.” You joke and it easily gains another laughter from your wife.

“I know right. I’m gonna take a picture of this and send it to Aubrey since she is turning into a witch soon in Marvel with Kathryn.” a giggle slips out between her words as she smiles while she takes a picture of the said mug.

“Ssshh, Elizabeth! People might hear what you just said.” You remind her to be more careful about the confidential content in a whisper. “Oops, oh yeah. Sorry..sorry.” she apologizes in whispers as her right hand moves as if she is zipping her lips to keep the secret in her.

Then both of you hear a little voice from behind you. “Excuse me, Wanda? Is that you?”

Lizzie quickly turned around, so did you and found a cute little girl wearing the same exact Scarlet Witch costume. The little red haired girl is looking at your wife with such admiration. Her green eyes sparkle in excitement.

“Uh oh. Liz, do you think she heard what you said about Aubrey?” You ask in a whisper to her. “Babe, she’s just a kid. She probably doesn’t understand what we were talking about even if she heard it.” She answers you shortly before she greets the little girl.

“Oh hello, sweetheart. Yes, I am Wanda. You look exactly like me.” Lizzie’s warm and welcoming smile appears across her face. Soon after, the exhilarated girl’s mother comes. “Emily, there you are! Why did you run like that? I’m sor– Oh my god! Ms. Olsen! My daughters and I are fans of yours. She bought her costume here and she wanted to wear it early.” The mom was talking to the mini version of Wanda until she realized who her daughter was talking to and instantly got as excited as her daughter while explaining..

“Oh no. She’s fine. Don’t worry about it. She’s really cute. Also thank you so much.” Without any doubt Lizzie gives the brunette mom the reassurance she thinks that she needs as she crouches to the little girl’s eye level. You were going to do the same she did but you falter your move and stand there awkwardly instead when she asked your wife “Who is she? Where is Vision, Wanda?”

Lizzie and the little girl turn their heads together and look at you. “Her? Well, let me tell you, sweetie. So the world you see in the comic or movie is a different world than ours. In this world we live in, she is my Vision. She loves me as much as the other Vision loves Wanda and I love her too.” Her soft voice warmly explains and her hand rubs the girl’s arm gently.

“So she is Vision even though she looks different? Why she doesn’t look like a superhero? Where is the yellow stone?” Emily asks innocently.

Lizzie instantly laughs a little because of the cute row of questions. “Oh yeah she is. I know she looks different than the other Vision. Right now, she doesn’t look like a superhero because we are on a secret mission now and nobody can see us in our superhero suits but we can show you the yellow stone if you want.” Patience fills Lizzie’s answer and she starts to whisper a little saying the last sentence as if it’s a real secret. As usual, you take her answer as your cue to join in.

“Hello, sweetheart. My name is Y/n. I’m Wanda’s Vision here. I heard that you want to see the secret mind stone?” You ask excitedly in whispers and pretend to carefully look around.

The second after Emily nods in agreement followed by a whispered "yes, please." You pulled out a necklace with the mind stone replica diamond charm that was under your shirt.

"Whoaaaa! So cool! Mommy! Look! It's the yellow stone!" Emily's eyes fill with amazement as she looks at it and she soon forgets to keep it as a secret.

Her mom watches everything in awe and decides to play along and reminds her daughter "Ssst…Emily, they said it's a secret, remember?" She puts her index finger in front of her lips.

"Oh yes, I'm sorry, Wanda." Emily acknowledges her mistake.

"Aw, it's okay Emily. Do you want to know another secret?" You offer another secret to share with her and of course she nods one more time and this time with a bigger smile.

Lizzie knows what she has to say next. "Y/n and I share the stone together. We have the same necklace. So we will always remember each other." Just like you did, she pulls out her necklace and shows it to Emily.

Without missing a beat, she admires Lizzie's necklace as well.

This is not the first time both of you have to handle cute innocent Marvel little fans who ask these adorable questions. Since the first time a situation like this happened, you and Lizzie decided to have matching necklaces with the yellow diamond charm and always use this trick whenever some kids or family’s / friend’s children come up to both of you.

“Wow, Emily! That is so cool! Don’t forget to say thank you to Wanda and Y/n. We need to go, baby and I’m sure that they need to continue their secret mission too.” The lady walks closer to her daughter and initiates the idea to give your privacy back.

“Thank you Wanda! Thank you Y/n! One day, I will be a superhero like you.” Emily exclaims with confidence.

Warmth spreads in Lizzie’s heart, her eyes twinkle with joy while she responds to the girl’s gratitude. “You are welcomed, sweetie. Y/n and I will go back to our mission, to make sure there are enough fresh fruit and veggies for all the kids in the world including you.” She gently taps the tip of Emily’s nose and giggles together with her.

“Yes, kiddo. Don’t forget to eat your greens so you will be a superhero like us, someday.” You added.

“Come here, Emily. Let’s have a group hug.” invites Lizzie. The three of you quickly bundle up in the tightest hug a happy little hug a kid can give. WIth that, you and Lizzie spend a little more time talking with Emily’s mom then the four of you take a picture together.

Right away after you gain your privacy back with your wife and as you walk back to your car then put the groceries in. You look at her. You fall in love with her all over again. A thought came out of nowhere. It instantly draws a smile while you get inside the car.

“Babe, why did you look at me like that?” Her interest lures the question out of her.

“Oh nothing. You looked so adorable when you were interacting with Emily. She was so cute. You always love kids, so do I. We’ve been married for three years so I’m think—”

She gasps and her hand rapidly grabs yours in such elation. “Oh my god. Y/n, honey, are you thinking what I’m thinking?!”

All you can do right now is smile and that was more than words to answer her question. Her eyes glisten, she smiles from ear to ear and pulls you into a hug. Excitement raced through both of you.

You felt drunk with happiness because of a vision and a future you have planned with her.

A/n: Welp, that's it for today! Let me know what you think. See you in next!

Cheerio!

Taglist: @madamevirgo @musicinourlips @unstable-sapphic-hoe @fanboy7794 @chloe7076 @b0mbdotc0m @trikruismybitch @ichala @californianwhiterabbit @honey-sweet-hiraeth @imfuckinggenius @sxfwap @chaekhan @daenerys713 @luvmcgrath @stupidsapphicsstuff @pattypavo @frvny @franfineashell @heyyoweveryone @ygtft-chen @yaaskasey @sweeet-likeeee-cinnamonn @paumxmff @dopeyouth @beaniejennie @ineedafinghug @idkwhatimwriting @lucydiibi @mainly-rebloging-fics-i-like @gloriousfoxruins @grxvitye @mcubreakdown101 @aos22 @wandanatstan @paulawand @yeeterthekeeper @femalehomosexual666 @snowdrop1026 @modernmonalisa @nothingisrealanyway @idamaemann @sweeterlust @royalityofmultifandom @playboysaleen @peabrain112 @gwhaley127 @harleyswanda @bodhi-j @darth-rain @cristin-rjd , 

[mpchev]

hello hello! welcome to my academic blog!

my name is marie! i'm currently doing a dissertation on fanfiction bookbinding!

[updated 9/7/2024]

the original purpose of this blog was to find research participants (you can read what my call for participants looked like here — thank you so much to everyone who liked, reblogged, and/or replied!!)

i now use it to reblog/store the resources I come across on tumblr and elsewhere relating to fan studies, folklore, and ethnology, and eventually share the results of my own research. i'm also trying to document the big steps of the dissertation (which will include binding a fic!), both for the auto-ethnography aspect of it and because academia is a weird place — as a first gen uni-goer + international student, i would have loved any extra info i could've gotten my hands on before getting into this, so if that can help anyone, yay! (and if you have questions, ask away!)

tags:

# fanbinding dissertation -> for anything that's directly diss-related

# fanbinding resources -> how-to's, inspo, lists of resources

# fanbinding lit -> everything i'll hopefully have the time to read and might want to cite/reference

more about me & how i ended up here:

i’m in my 30s, white, queer (bi, genderqueer, she/they), and physically disabled.

i first studied music (i used to play the accordion!)

then translation (that’s still how i pay the bills — we do not dream of labour, but as far as labour go, that’s a pretty sweet gig)

then linguistics (words are fake and we love them <3)

and now folklore and ethnology! (yes as in tales and legends, but more broadly as in culture in context, which includes online communities and vernacular crafts, hence the lovely dissertation topic)

i was a big harry potter fan growing up (my final linguistics paper was called expecto transphobia: a study of dogwhistles on twitter, we live and we learn)(at least some of us do, looking at you joanne) and i vaguely remember enrolling in online hogwarts circa 2005 (took notes and studied for the exams and everything), but i sadly wasn’t around for the golden/cursed days of 2010s tumblr, and i only recently fell (head first) into fanfiction. started with all the young dudes, currently reading some wolfstar, some ofmd, lots of good omens, lots sandman, some tma. also trying to follow along dracula daily. and i’m halfway through a supernatural rewatch, so who knows what the future holds.

if i’m not reading (neverending tbr of academic papers, fics, scifi novels old and new, folktales anthologies, epic poetry, translated plays in beautiful metres) or working, i’m probably trying to translate beowulf in french (not enough people have, it’s a fun story with monsters and dragons, more people should!), with star trek playing in the background.

open source resources are my love language (let me know if there's anything i might help with), the internet is my happy place (thank you for your contribution), transmediality gives me warm fuzzy feelings, folksonomies are works of art, my kingdom for a good AU.

header: The Concert by Gerrit van Honthorst (1623)

pfp: Watermelon and Grapes by John F. Francis (1863)

(both taken from the open-access collection of the National Gallery of Art, Washington)

[sarroora]

Hola I got my hip surgery today so I'm stoopu doopu in the hospital currently and figured I'd yeet some medical headcanons at you 😁

We know T.C. canonically hates hospitals and I feel like it's probably because someone he was close to died in one (yay sadness)

Also related the gang has to practically drag him to the doctor to get him treated for anything and sometimes they have to go get Dibble to help wrangle and contain him

Chooch and Fancy are both hella dramatic when they get something as harmless as a cold or stubbing their toes a little too hard, they're both slight hypochondriacs lmao

Meanwhile Spook is the opposite of a hypochondriac he could dislocate his shoulder and he'd be like 'nah like I'm fine man don't like get all Worriesville about it pops,' (except when he's sick)

Also Spook doesn't get sick often cos he's got a beefy immune system but when he does get sick it's BAD and he looks like a dying Victorian child that one scene in CGaL be like

Brain gets injured constantly and half the time he has no idea how, that boy's definitely got some form of nerve damage that prevents him from feeling pain like he should so sometimes he'll just come back with a gash in his arm unknowingly and T.C.'s just like 'OH MY GOD'

Dibble has had to have major surgery at some point and didn't tell the gang and oh BOY was T.C. OFFENDED when he found out

Anyways yeah so far so good I'm chilin and I'm gunna start doing EVEN MORE TOP CAT ART N FICS N THINGS because I will be BORED

Yoooooooo it’s done? I wish you a speedy recovery!! 🙏✨🙏✨ (are they givin you the gud stuff there lol jk jk)

And YES

MY TC BUDDY PLS GIMME THESE HCS ANYTIME I NEED EM

“We know T.C. canonically hates hospitals and I feel like it's probably because someone he was close to died in one” Yep, and that’s why I headcanon hospitals to TC are more associated with morgues than recuperation.

Chooch and Fancy totally be little drama kings when they’re sick. And they love being taken care of.

And yes Spook. Asdfgjlkl OMG Spook. He severely understates any pain or injury. And being struck with something annoying like the flu or a cold just makes him curt and snappish.

His time away from the gang in CGaL is taking a toll on his health tho and he’s becoming very thin and gaunt :’(

Brain’s HC is spot on - and whenever he gets an unfortunate case of catching fleas, T.C has no choice but to give him a full bath. It makes him feel guilty, because Brain is very iffy with water. When he was younger and still new to the gang, the first time T.C. had to get him in the bath, Brain began to cry, and T.C. felt horrible. They discovered that for some reason, Brain is very uncomfortable with the feeling of water on his head. Since then, they try to give him a bath without getting any water on there.

Benny is every doctor’s dream patient. He does his best to stay still and quiet whenever he’s being checked or worked on. And he purrs the whole time. He’s the complete opposite of T.C in that he doesn’t hate hospitals and has no associated trauma with them.

I can’t WAIT for some TC fics and stuff and fill my inbox with chats and HCs anytime!

[arlerthardt]

❤️‍🔥 soukoku fics i wrote ❤️‍🔥

(with badly written summaries)

leaping to the sound of your heartbeat

it's basically just chuuya taking care of a very drunk dazai with lots of fluffy and domestic soukoku moments

it's very fluffy that i cringed sometimes like omg i wrote THIS????

garlic butter seared lobster tail

chuuya is trying to catch his cheating boyfriend on action so he follows him to a restaurant but he ends up reviewing the food with a stranger (spoiler alert: yes, dazai is the stranger)

i wanted to make a no power au for a while and now i finally did it yay!

in a world of boys she's a gentleman

a childhood friends to lovers skk fic where chuuya is basically the woman of my dream while dazai is being an embarrassment that even i got a second-hand embarrassment while writing

this was inspired by a taylor swift song and idk why i shot them with the yuri beam it just seems right

damn, a commuter line has a matchmaking function too now?

basically it's single dad chuuya and dazai being absolutely head over heels for him (+ his daughter) since the very first time he looked at him hashtag relatable

this story is my first fic written in mostly dazai's pov and ngl i think i might write a lot more because i love being whipped for chuuya it's fun

endless longing, eternal promise

chuuya and dazai actually having a serious heart-to-heart conversation and being honest to one another. they have a fun dynamic here despite their... unique first meet. they were a pining MESS but they sorted everything out at the end

contrary with the title, this is probably the silliest fic i wrote so far they're so stupid smh and this is like the combination of fic i wanna write, college au and (silly) marriage proposal

this list is obviously ongoing i will add more as i write more fics and trust me i still have lots of wip on my google docs so wait for me my beloveds 🤍

[mdni]

🌸🐝🦋

1. do you have a crush

it’s complicated. i guess technically but it’s more of a lust situation. so yes but also no.

2. tag three friends and your favorite three things about them

okay so @mlm-blues i love your humor, i love how much we relate to each other, and i love your dog. i really love your dog. @transexualpirate i love our shared interests and even hearing about all your interests that we don’t share, i love our mutual love for cyberbullying (/lh term), and i love all your kitty stories and also your cat i really love your cat. last but not least @itsmealaiah i hate your 🏴‍☠️ site links, i hate your fics, and i hate that you’re the current oldest friendship i hold 👿👿 i hate youuuu!!!!

3. tag three people you want to get to know better and why

i’m so shy okay first @cthulhuismywife because you’re mr. freaky and you’re iconic, @belovedrat because you’re also iconic and a member of the freaky trio (alongside me and blitz and yes this is a CLOSED club we do not accept applications), and finally asker himself, mister @linktothecats because you’re the cat guy and !!!! i love cats !!!!! yay you’re also gay so bonus points for that

[jyndor]

Do you read Rogue One fanfics? If yes what are your favourite? I don't know if I want read any because I love movie and movie ending but if some writers do it justice too or change middle parts I curious about it 😄

of course! In addition to this list here, I have some more fic recs! I have so many faves from many different angles - everybody lives delusional canon divergence fic, aus, canon sad rip to my heart everybody dies fic, etc. these are aus so yay

resistance is built on hope by chronicolicity, world war ii UNREAL resistance au, this is a fucking 200k+ fic that deals with the French resistance mainly but of course contains topics related to fascism, racism, etc. it's rogue one rewritten in this era, but it's a little better tbhhh imooo lol because we spend more time with the characters and saw is not slandered and cassian!!! oh my god cassian. all the characters are fabulously written but this version of kay actually may be my favorite in any fic. I mean don't hold me to that BUT

by stardust and moonlight by @imsfire2 is a magical fantasy fic where cassian is cursed to live by day as a wolf except when the moon is out, and he stumbles upon witch jyn's house. it's a beautiful love story and a beautiful story in general.

only women should be funny by @shu-of-the-wind​ with jewish!jyn and cassian as a lenny bruce type in this marvelous mrs maisel au which oh my god lol there are two rebelcaptain comedian aus on ao3 and this is the superior one (the other is written by me lol). this deals with racism, sexism, antisemitism iirc, etc.

never had a shotgun (shot in the dark) by ev0lution is a race car driver au idk it’s just really great, works so nicely

the tiger shark and the sun by b_else is a really great fusion of avatar the last airbender and rogue one. they’ve tweaked the world a lot to be more representative of the characters in rogue one, but it’s really well done. deals with the usual suspects: racism, fascism, imperialism, sexism, etc.

pikes peak, july 4 1901 by whatsinausername is a great underrated historical au dealing with a real life event in us history. period typical racism and sexism, but it’s a relatively light, uplifting fic.

the sun in splendor by @shu-of-the-wind​ is incomplete but its a fusion of asoiaf and rogue one/star wars and i love it so dearly. features light of my life shara bey.

shadow preachers by @andorerso​ yeah this is a treat and a half, cass and jyn are monster hunters and IT HURTS

let the cat out of the bag by @andorerso​ lol honestly any of these writers i would say you should read all of their fic but my girl sissi has like so many fun little au fics, but this one is great and hit me from the moment i first read it. it’s just fun! jyn’s fwb cassian charms the shit out of her cat, who hates everyone. it’s based on a reddit story iirc. love it. rated M, has the sex.

I will do more soon but yeah these are aus that I like

lmao sorry you deactivated before I answered rip