#yesterday i was super tired and i knew if i committed to watching it then id give myself the worst headache

[sea-buns]

not me fully intending to watch the new fhjy ep + the adventuring party AND FINISH IT 3 hours before cr goes live. no no you must be thinking of someone else

[steddieas-shegoes]

Hi! I love your writing so much! My request is just more of Eddie's water exposure therapy! I'd love to see Robin and Steve help and see how things play out. If not, that's totally cool too! Thanks for sharing your writing in the first place!

THANK YOU!!! You know what is super funny is I was working on this when you sent the other request yesterday. I loved exploring more of this post, and I think maybe I could keep doing so if I have time someday. I hope you love it! - Mickala ❤️

----------------------------------------------------------

Eddie was committed to getting through this, he was.

It’s just that he hadn’t really thought about how fucking difficult it would be to have to do it with Nancy.

Nancy was strong-willed and badass and if Eddie was ever gonna be interested in women, it would be Nancy fuckin’ Wheeler.

But sometimes, like today, he needed someone soft. Someone who was okay with taking things slow.

She knew something was off the moment she walked in the door, but she didn’t comment on it until he was hovering by the sink in the bathroom.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know if I can do it today.”

“Why not?”

“It’s just not a good day.”

“Sometimes those are the days you need to push yourself most.”

“And sometimes I just need a break! We’ve been doing this for five days. I’m tired.”

He was tired. And he was frustrated. He had a setback one day three that he still hadn’t completely recovered from and he barely slept last night and Wayne forgot to save him the leftovers he wanted so it was just a shit day.

“What if I get Robin?”

“I don’t see how that will help.”

“Sometimes a small change can help. She already said she’d do whatever you need.”

“Does she realize I’m naked? I feel like she must not know I’m naked. I don’t even think she’s seen Steve naked, and they practically live up each others’ assholes.”

“Thanks for that image.” Nancy shook her head as if she could shake the image out and forget it was ever there. “So. Robin or me?”

“Robin.”

And despite Eddie being kind of convinced that Robin wouldn’t actually come, she did. And she brought him gummy bears as a reward.

Nancy didn’t give him rewards.

Maybe Robin should be in charge.

Nancy went over things with Robin again, explained that today was a full minute under the water, that he had to be fully submerged except for his head, and that he did have to be naked.

“Well. If I must see a dude’s junk, I guess I’m glad it’s yours.”

“Gee, thanks, Robin,” he said as he stripped.

If he thought too much about it, he’d lock himself in his room and just never shower again.

But Robin turned away as he stripped to give him some semblance of privacy and he was grateful.

Nancy waited in the hall, said she’d be there if they needed her, but would rather keep it to just one of them in the bathroom with Eddie.

Robin turned the water on.

“You like hot or warm?”

“Hot.”

“Good. Give it a minute.”

The water hitting the shower floor was apparently enough to have him losing his shit today. He tensed up and waited with a towel wrapped around him, watching as Robin kept testing the temperature of the water every ten seconds.

Finally, she smiled at him and nodded.

“Do you want me to talk or just count in my head?”

“Usually Nancy just counts out loud.”

“Does that help?”

“It doesn’t not help.”

“Would something else be better?”

“Uh. I guess try talking?”

“You got it.” Robin opened the bathroom door for a moment, said something, then closed the door again.

“Nancy’s got a kitchen timer ready to start when I knock on the door. You ready?”

“No, but I have to be.”

“I got all day.”

It did help to hear that. He knew, logically, no one would rush him, but sometimes he was worried that they’d give up on him if he took too long.

Like, he knew he was already pushing his luck just having them around for his everyday theatrics, so this was just icing on the cake.

But Robin didn’t make him feel like he had to worry about that and that already helped.

It’s not that Nancy rushed him, it’s just that she was a very straight to the point person. In or out. Shit or get off the pot.

Robin was the opposite in a lot of ways.

More of a, we’ll get there when we get there and we’ll stop to look at flowers on the way, kind of person.

She just watched as he stood by the shower, playing with his hair.

He took a deep breath, dropped the towel, and got in.

“Alright, good! You let me know when you’re in the water and I’ll knock and start chatting.”

Eddie could do this. He could.

So he did.

“In.”

He heard Robin knock as he clenched his teeth together and felt the water run down his shoulders and back.

Robin had picked the perfect temperature, not scalding, but hot enough to leave his skin pink. Just like he liked it.

“That’s how Steve likes his baths, which I tell him all the time is why he gets so lightheaded. You’re cooking yourselves. I’m realizing that I might be the emotional support bathing bestie. I sit with Steve when he has baths and now you with the shower. Is this all I’m good for?”

Eddie let out a strangled laugh.

It was helping, but he was still struggling to focus on anything except how stifling the water felt, how the steam building around him was starting to feel too much like fog and the drops were feeling too much like his own blood spattering on his body.

“Time?” He managed to croak out.

“Nance! Time?”

“20 seconds!”

“That’s not bad! Tell me your favorite Metallica song right now.”

He knew the answer. He opened his mouth to do it, but couldn’t say anything.

“Eddie? You okay?”

He tried to speak again, but it was just a whimper.

The water was too much.

He jumped out of the shower, nearly knocking Robin over in his escape.

He was shivering, though his skin was hot to the touch from the water, and Robin was already recovering and wrapping his towel around him.

Nancy was opening the door, worried eyes peeking around the corner.

“Listen to my voice, Eddie. Take in a deep breath. Slowly.”

It was easy to listen to Robin.

She didn’t hesitate to wrap him up in her arms, rubbing her hands up and down his back as he tried to breathe.

Nancy was standing in the doorway, not saying or doing anything, just a silent presence there to assist if needed.

He could feel Robin’s heart beating hard in her chest, so hard it felt like it was trying to jump into his chest.

But he was calming down now.

He pulled away and sat down on the floor, towel still loosely wrapped around him.

Robin shut off the shower, quickly joining him on the floor and waving Nancy away.

“You’re good at this.”

“Well, somebody has to be there for Steve when he’s having a bad day. I’ve gotten plenty of practice.”

“Is he this bad?”

“Oh, on his real bad days, he’s worse. And yes, you absolutely should hold that over him. Maybe then he’ll accept help from someone other than just me.”

He rested his head on her shoulder, smiling when she rested her head on his.

“You should have him come help.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why? Because you have a big stupid crush on him?”

“Why, yes, Robin. That’s exactly why.”

He knew she was rolling her eyes, but he didn’t care.

“You’re both so stupid, it gives me a stomach ache.”

Eddie didn’t think about what she said, just sat in silence as she started playing with his fingers.

“Want me to come back tomorrow?”

“Yeah, please.”

————

Robin came back for three days in a row, and Eddie managed to stay under the water until the timer went off every time.

He was scared to think about what would happen if he started to fail again.

But with Robin constantly talking his way through it, he couldn’t worry for long.

————

“Eddie.”

Oh no.

Robin’s voice was so scratchy, and dull, and not Robin.

She was sick.

Nancy wasn’t available today or tomorrow.

He couldn’t do this alone.

“It’s okay, Robs. I’ll…call Steve.”

“Good. Sorry again.”

She didn’t sound nearly as sorry as when he first answered the phone, but it wasn’t worth arguing about.

He paced the floor of his room for nearly ten minutes before he gave in and just dialed Steve’s number.

“Harrington residence, Steve speaking.”

“Oh, you have one of those homes. Gross.”

“Eds!”

“Hey, Stevie.”

Eddie knew his face was doing that stupid smile he only did for Steve, a combination of fond and content that he’d never been able to give anyone else.

“Everything good?”

“Well, kinda no?”

“What’s wrong?” Steve asked quickly, his tone changing from casual excitement to concern.

“You remember what Nancy told you about the uh…exposure therapy?”

“Yeah, how’s that going?”

Eddie sighed. Steve was so fucking nice all the time. It wasn’t fair.

“It’s not terrible. Robin’s helped for a few days. But uh.”

“What is it?”

“Robin’s sick and Nancy’s out of town. I can’t skip a day, especially not when I’ve been on a roll, ya know? So I was wondering if maybe, and you can say no I’ll do it alone if I have to, maybe you’d be willing to come play therapist?”

That wasn’t so hard. It was awkward, certainly, but not too bad.

“I’ll be right over,” Steve said quickly and hung up.

Eddie didn’t mean right this second necessarily, Jesus.

But if Steve wanted to help this badly, then who was he to stop him from rushing over?

And rush he did.

It wasn’t 15 minutes later that Steve was at his door.

“Where’s the fire, man?”

“Huh?”

“Never mind,” Eddie smiled at him. “Do you remember what Nancy said about all this?”

“Yeah. How long are you up to?”

“Minute and a half. Or I have to turn the water on and adjust the temperature myself and do a minute. But I don’t wanna try something new today, so minute and a half it is.”

Steve nodded along, but Eddie swore he looked nervous. Like he was hesitant to even be here. He needed to offer him an out.

“Listen, I can just wait. Skipping a day or two isn’t really gonna make a big difference in the long run.”

“No!” Steve suddenly shouted. “No. I want to help. I want to be here for you.”

“Oh,” Eddie looked down at his feet, hoping it would hide the blush on his cheeks. “Okay then.”

So he led Steve to the bathroom. He set the kitchen timer but didn’t start it yet.

Steve was standing by the shower, shifting his weight between his legs anxiously. He looked more nervous than Eddie even felt.

“Nancy and Robin usually turn the water on and make sure it’s hot for me. Robin said it’s like how you like it?”

“Got it.”

He turned to the faucets, adjusting them for a few seconds and then pulling back as he waited for the water to heat up.

“You can strip, I’ll turn around.”

“Oh. Okay. Sure.”

Eddie knew he sounded ridiculous.

You’ve taken showers before, idiot.

But the difference here was that Steve was about to be here to see him at his weakest, at least emotionally. And he’d be naked.

Going off of how much Nancy and Robin had to see of him, Steve would be getting an eyeful too.

“You okay?”

Eddie shook himself out of his thoughts.

“I’m okay. Sorry.”

He threw his shirt off and unbuttoned his pants before he could overthink it.

Steve had seen most of him when he was helping change his bandages after the bats snacked on him. It wasn’t a big deal.

Steve at least pretended to be paying more attention to the water and floor as he pulled his legs from his pants and slid his boxers off.

“Water’s good. You ready?”

Steve looked at his face, clearly avoiding any chance of seeing anything below the waist.

Probably locker room courtesy or something, though if you asked him, making eye contact was way more intimate than accidentally seeing someone else’s dick.

“Ready.”

Steve moved to the sink as he got in, probably grabbing the kitchen timer to start it the second he got under the water.

It took him a minute, the hot water hitting his toes gently.

But he took a deep breath, turned his back to the stream, and backed into the water.

“I’m in.”

The first part was getting easier to do, he’d admit that. It was easier to stay in the moment while the water first started hitting him, easier to speak for the first 15 or so seconds before he was completely soaked.

But then it was quiet. He couldn’t hear anything except the water beating down on him and the shower floor.

Steve wasn’t saying anything and Eddie didn’t know how to ask him to.

He didn’t want to sound needy, Steve was already giving up time out of his day to be here at all.

How long had it been? Probably not that long.

It felt like years.

The water was the perfect temperature, and that kind of helped him remember this was a shower, not the end of the fucking world.

The end of the world doesn’t care about your comfort.

Steve does though.

But after another ten or so seconds, the buzzing in his ears got louder, he could feel his body shaking as if the water had suddenly turned ice cold, and the thoughts rushing through his head were more memories he wished he could forget.

He still felt the water, but it wasn’t water anymore. It was blood and bats and doctor’s hands trying to just stop the bleeding.

And then he felt actual hands on him, a body against him pushing him so the water was barely touching him.

He took a gasping breath and collapsed against them.

Steve.

He was fully clothed, like he’d panicked and jumped in without thinking about it at all. He had his arms wrapped around Eddie tightly, not leaving an inch of space between them. He was muttering something, but Eddie couldn’t quite hear what it was.

He let himself be held, no longer in panic mode with his human shield protecting him from the water.

“How long?”

Steve was rubbing his back, spreading a new warmth against his skin and helping, always helping.

“One minute.”

Eddie sighed. He didn’t wanna tell Nancy that he failed today.

She wouldn’t make him feel bad intentionally, but she got this look on her face when he didn’t make it to the timer going off like she wasn’t sure he could get through it.

“You wanna get out?”

“Please.”

Steve pulled away so he could shut off the water and Eddie got a good look at him.

He was soaked, his clothes sticking to him uncomfortably, his hair matted down against his head.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. I made the choice.”

He did, yeah. But he probably felt obligated to, and that’s not really making a choice, is it?

“Eds, look at me.”

He’d been looking at the floor, kind of hoping it would just swallow him up for good, but managed to pull his head up when Steve asked.

“I’ll always, always, make the choice to help you. Okay?”

Eddie bit back a sob as he nodded, and Steve pulled him against his chest again.

“You have no clue how much I wanna be here for you. When Nancy called, I practically begged to be here, did she tell you that? But she said it wouldn’t be helpful if I jumped in the moment you needed me.”

“Helped now.”

Steve squeezed his arms.

“Yeah. She won’t be happy with me. But you weren’t answering and when I looked in, it’s like you weren’t even here. I didn’t know what else to do.”

Eddie nodded. That lined up with what he’d been feeling, seeing.

“We should get out. You’re shivering.”

Steve guided him out of the shower and wrapped the towel he’d left hanging up around him, rubbing along his arms and back to help get him warmer faster.

Then he was taking off his shirt and removing his belt and Eddie’s brain couldn’t catch up.

“Uh.”

“Sorry, do you have some clothes I can borrow while I put these in the dryer?”

“Uh. Yeah. Sure.”

Steve smiled at him like he didn’t just break his brain in half.

He managed to walk to his bedroom, grab a shirt and sweatpants, and walk back to the bathroom with only a single thought running through his mind: he’s wearing my clothes.

“Thanks,” Steve said as Eddie wordlessly handed them over.

And then he realized he forgot boxers.

Steve would be wearing his sweatpants with nothing under them.

He knew the noise he let out was close to a squeak, like a fucking mouse or something, but he couldn’t hold it in. Steve didn’t acknowledge it, hopefully didn’t hear it at all, as he focused on getting his soaked jeans off his body.

Then his boxers came off.

Eddie really did his best not to look. He did. It would be so rude to stare.

It would be even more rude to say something.

So he did both.

“Jesus Christ, Steve. The girls weren’t kidding were they?”

Steve’s face was bright red, but he didn’t look up until he was pulling the sweatpants up his legs.

“I guess that depends what they were saying.”

Eddie was still standing with his towel wrapped around him, eyes wide at everything that had just happened.

“For one, that you’re pretty well-endowed. I thought they just lacked experience. Maybe I’m the one lacking experience. Maybe you’re just huge.”

Steve was smirking at him, the confidence of the king coming back as he listened to Eddie.

“That so?”

“God, yeah. I’m never gonna be able to be with anyone again after seeing that.”

“Oh? Why’s that?”

Steve was stepping into his space now, still shirtless, still smirking.

“I mean, look at you. How could I ever be satisfied with someone else inside me when I could have that?”

Oh. Wait. No. He wasn’t supposed to be saying this out loud.

Steve’s hands were on his hips, though.

Gripping him tight, like he had no intention of letting him go.

“You want that? With me?”

Well, might as well lay it all out there.

“I want everything with you. Anything you’ll give me.”

“Everything?” Steve was still smirking, that asshole. “So if I wanted to take you out on a date…”

“A date?”

“Yeah. To dinner or something.”

“We can’t go on a date, Steve. We’re two men in bumfuck Indiana. We’d be killed.”

“How about I make you dinner? My place. Tonight?”

“You’re fucking with me.”

“I’m not, but hopefully I will be,” he said with a wink.

“Steve. You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into. I’m like, kind of in love with you, full disclosure, and I’m not sure I can handle one date, a fuck, and then you never wanting to even talk to me again.”

Steve watched as he rambled, running his thumbs along Eddie’s hips like he was trying to keep him calm.

“Full disclosure, I’m kind of in love with you, too. I mean, I did just jump in a shower fully clothed to make sure you weren’t gonna hurt yourself. I’d do it every day if I had to.”

Eddie searched his face for any sign of a lie. Steve was easy to read, or at least he was to Eddie.

But Steve was giving him a fond smile, and moving in closer, and Eddie didn’t see any sign of a lie.

Steve’s hand cupped his jaw. He was looking at him like he was special, and Eddie wasn’t sure what to do with it.

And then Steve was kissing him.

He dropped the towel. It was accidental, but he wasn’t going to interrupt any of this to pull it back up.

Steve was an intense kisser. He should’ve known.

He put everything he had into it. He kissed with his whole body, quite literally putting his back into it as he pushed Eddie against the wall.

But Eddie wasn’t doing this in his bathroom. Despite the fact that he was very obviously willing to, he wanted to have the date first.

He pulled away, but stayed in Steve’s arms. He wasn’t quite ready for complete separation.

“You’re making me dinner tonight?”

“I’m making you dinner tonight.”

“And it’s a date?”

“It’s a date.”

“It’s a date.”

————

Steve came every day after that, even on days when Robin or Nancy were already there.

He sometimes waited in the hall as backup, but usually he stayed in the bathroom and talked to Eddie, who’d managed to get up to three whole minutes in only a few weeks.

When he finally made it to five, Nancy handed it all over to Steve.

He started taking showers with Eddie. Washing his body and hair so he could have more positive thoughts.

By the end of the year, he was taking regular showers.

He still had moments where he panicked, of course. He still sometimes had to cut them short because of a specific memory.

He still sometimes went a few days without because he couldn’t build up the courage to get in.

But Steve was there. They all were.

[tddyhyck]

I’M SORRY THIS IS LIKE 700 WORDS, i don’t know how to shut up 😭😭😭😭 ok first. i didn't mean to make u feel bad for not replying “quickly enough”, just got worried that i might’ve said something weird ejsjdkwjsa. i’m glad that was not the case, and i am sorry i projected my insecurities onto u and hurried u 😭 that said, ur replies brought much joy. 😌

i have not seen the recording yet 😭 i’ve barely been able to watch anything 😞 i’m sure u’re more than “okay” with it, wink wonk, and yes omg,, truly so nice. U’RE EVIL… the “you” was such an unnecessary attack, u knew what u were doing with that 😭😭 (unless u don’t nd i read too much into it, like i often do 🫶🤪) our fruity fighter 🥺 our fruity fighter protecting us 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 why r u getting me so soft for him!

re: renjun. change ur mind from what.. am i forgetting something 😭 i love this though 🥳 i was reading something the other day and it went like “do u like renjun? are u a masochist?” and aurgh that hit,, idk what it is about him but something about him is so !!!!!!! 🥵 CAN’T WAIT TO SEE THE PATTERN… NGTAHGHHGBGRGGAABNHNHNN i’m so normal. that’s such a gigantic brain idea u have.

i screamed when i saw u say “i don’t make the rules but i will enforce them” because in a totally unrelated thought i was thinking yesterday about how i’m the type who may not make the rules but follows them (sfw thought LMFAO) and it was so amusing to read what u wrote. BUT YEAH U’RE SO RIGHT… normalise panty stuffing ‼️ 😠

u can change font size by selecting the text and going through the million options tumblr gives, the little <s> button 🥰 but wahhhh okay i’m glad 🥺❤️

NAURRR the anime lover in me thought of that too when trains got mentioned 😭😭 except like. a cute version of that, let’s say hjsgshrjba. jeno doing god’s work <3 thank u for sharing ur beautiful thought with the world though, the song hasn’t left my head LMAO i haven’t even heard it in… 8 years?!

RIIIIIIIGHT U GET MEEEE, “doing everything to make u cry” RIGHT RIGHT… so many thoughts. like he does it because it makes him hard (going with ur headcanon of him) but he also does it cus he just wants to be mean so bad at first and not let u think he’s nice or anything… taking out all his anger on poor u. then he makes u cry because he wants to convince himself that he’s not falling for u. then he finally admits he’s whipped for u and both of u are crying lmaoooo

“he’s all grown up and obnoxious and breaks my heart 😭😭” WHY IS THIS SENDING MEEE 😭😭😭😭😭😭 the way u worded that is SO funny. also idk what u’re talking about because i read mean dom chenle in 2022 and i never went back to normal after that 💗🦋 i’m kidding, i get what u mean. he’s positively adorable in the best way. i keep having my dream phases every single year the past 4 years before i stop keeping up? (some context; i’m also rlly bad with consuming content from my favourite groups. more context; none of my friends are super into them so i just never get to Talk about them) but i feel i might finally be ready to commit 🤩 because i like this album so much and it made me feel A Lot.

re: lipgloss. that was NOT the image in my head but it is definitely an image i can work with 🤩🤩🤩🤩 he gives u a little kiss on the lips right after that.

thank uuuuu i’m doing okay 🥹 i hope u are too, and work isn’t being too tiring ❤️ (random but ur cousin post was so cute. u’re a nice cousin 😔 i hope ur cousin appreciates u! and they’re a funny little kid for the permission thing.)

~🪄

omg you didn’t rush me!! do not fret 🫶🏻🫶🏻

i hope u get to watch it soon it’s so good like one of my fav things is the recording bts jeno’s part ,,, was saur good ,, maybe i did add the you 🤭🤭

LOL i just meant if i thought of renjun and dumbification on a random afternoon i would be a changed person 🤭🤭 DO YOU LIKE RENJUN ARE U A MASOCHIST LMFAO,, those go hand in hand tbh thinking he has an album on his phone with just pics of your skin after some rope activities…

i miss him sm my little babie 🫳🫳🫳

omg anime lover i must know what you’re watching currently 🧐

oK but fwb!jeno who never gets mad so he keeps his anger all pent up and takes it out on you when you fuck,,, and it’s the best sex of your life lbr,,, like maybe he has a shit day at work and spilled his coffee and missed the bus and he texts you to link up and ,,, just ruins you GRRR but then he realizes he really goes over because you make him feel light and comfortable and it’s easy being with you,,, but he isn’t ready to admit it yet 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

he’s just annoying and pretty and obnoxious and talented and i want to enemies to lovers with him fr omg i know what you mean i have 1 kpop friend and she isn’t super into nct but she kinda keeps up for my sake but not to the point i do lol,,, def time to commit i am team commit to dream 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

he SO would smooch and pat you on the head 😵‍💫

work isn’t too bad! it’s our event season so a little busy but that’s better than being bored lol,, my cousin is so funny he’s 10 and i think he thinks i am too 🤣🤣

[sirenascales]

-> double black [part two] 18+

-> Chuuya x 1stPOV!F!Reader x Dazai

-> Who knew getting fired from work could lead to this?

-> Content: SMUT, slight angst, violence, murder, swearing

A failed friend date turns into a day of fun and laughs with a rather odd coworker. [Dazai x 1stPOV!F!Reader]

3,274 words

Warning: suicide ideation (like, it's Dazai, c'mon now.)

note: I'm glad some of ya'll seemed to enjoy chuuya's chapter! I decided to just upload Dazai's and then we can move on to the story. Please enjoy! Tags in the replies.

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Final || masterlist

"Keiko-- Keiko, it's two PM!" I said into the phone, sending an apologetic look to my coworkers. "And I'm at work. You can't be calling me, especially when you're drunk so early in the day."

"Uggghhhh, you're so mean!" I sighed softly at Keiko's response, the office phone on my desk beginning to ring.

"Keiko, I have to go now, I'm sorry! Call Taichi and tell him to bring you home."

"Wait-"

I ended the call, rubbing my eyebrows as I picked up the other phone. "Armed Detective Agency, how may I help you?"

It's been around three months since I've started working at the Agency, and I have to say, it was a pretty great job. It paid well, kept me on my toes with the many different cases we took on, and my coworkers were great... despite how weird they were.

"That's like the seventh time your friend called you this week," Ranpo spoke up from his desk, the man literally surrounded by snack wrappers.

I sighed deeply, rubbing my eyebrows. "I know, I'm sorry everyone. She's not usually like this... I know she likes to drink, but... never to this extent."

"Maybe there is something going on?" the cute Atsushi suggested and I frowned. "Maybe you can try to find out?"

"It wouldn’t be wise to just push yourself into someone's private life like that," Kunikida added and I nodded in agreement.

Of course I couldn't. Not with who her boyfriend was. I was her best friend, but even I knew not to step in. "Besides, she always says she's okay when I ask..." I said thoughtfully, too distracted to continue my work. I could believe her, right? Besides, she had Taichi. He loved her, and always made sure that she was protected and taken care of. He always made sure to be around her when he wasn't away, keeping her to his side at all times. I thought maybe he was being a bit too protective, but I also understood because of his... profession.

"Alright, alright, we have a schedule, people. Let's not get too distracted here," Kunikida exclaimed and I laughed softly. The only one with a schedule was the super punctual man himself, but I still went on to do my work.

"Speaking of work..." I started, unimpressed as I Iooked to the empty desk across the office. "Where the hell is Dazai?"

Atsushi just hung his head and sighed, Kunikida gritting his teeth at his desk. "I tried calling him but he wouldn't pick up," Atsushi sighed again and I huffed, standing up from my desk. "I'll take my 30 now. I'll be in the cafe and I'll try to get Dazai to bring his scrawny ass to work."

The Agency was on the fourth floor of the building while the cafe was down on the first, very convenient for me. I was lazy and the coffee and food was good. I dialed up Dazai's number as I descended the four flights of stairs, pressing my phone to my ear.

At the top of one flight, I stopped when I heard a familiar ring tone blare out, and when I looked down to the bottom of the stairs, I saw the man of the hour. His brown hair was wavy as ever, his signature tanned jacket looking immaculate. I watched as he just looked at his phone, watching it ring before he put his phone in his pocket.

I hated him. "So you were just gonna ignore me?!" I shouted down the stairs. Dazai whipped his head up, eyes going comically wide.

"Bella!" he exclaimed, practically running up the stairs right towards me. I gasped and back away quickly, back hitting the wall as Dazai caged me between his bandaged arms. His forehead pressed against mine and I will my face not to burn as he looked at me with those pretty brown eyes of his. "I missed you."

My heart skipped a beat, my mouth going dry. Still, I glared up at the man. "We just saw each other yesterday," I gritted my teeth, trying to ignore the feeling of his soft breath against my face. I was thankful my voice didn't crack. "And you have plenty of paperwork to do still on your desk."

"Ehhh, I'm tired and I'm busy," Dazai nonchalantly waved that off, now standing away from me and waving his hand dismissively. "Got better things to do."

I scoffed and crossed my arms over my chest. "Yeah? Like what?"

With that, Dazai took my hands in his, a hopeful look on his face. Here we go again. "Double suicide."

"No." I immediately declined him. "My answer is still the same as it was last week."

Dazai visibly deflated, covering his eyes dramatically. "Sweet death... she evades me yet again..."

"Yeah," I deadpanned, brushing past Dazai and heading down the stairs. "Anyway. I'm heading to the cafe to get something to eat."

"Oh!" Dazai exclaimed, hooking my arm with his as he quickly came up to my side. "I'll go with you!"

"You have work to do!" I yelled at him, trying to push him back up the stairs. "Go before Kunikida has an aneurysm."

"But I don't wanna!" Dazai whined, quickly turning the tables on me. Now he was behind me, his arms wrapped around me and pinning my arms to my chest. I felt his breath against my left ear and I shivered deeply. "I wanna spend time with you..." he whispered softly, his voice dropping. I bit my bottom lip, looking over at him over my shoulder. I shivered again, the usual brightness in his eyes gone. I've only seen that look on his face a handful of times, and it never failed to make me feel completely on edge. Like I was in danger.

I liked it.

"Ugh," I sneered, rolling my eyes and shaking myself out of his arms. "Fine, fine. I'll treat today, okay?"

"Yay!" Dazai's jovial nature returned as he followed me to the cafe. I shake my head at the strange duality of the man. We sat across from each other, the redheaded waitress named Lucy that obviously had a crush on Atsushi giving us some menus.

As I looked over the menu, I looked over at Dazai, the man humming as he mulled over his choices. I bit the inside of my cheek, just feeling that maybe there was more to Dazai than he let on.

The weekend soon arrived and I was in a bit of a sour mood. I was at the boardwalk, sitting on an empty bench after getting off the phone with Keiko. We were supposed to spend the day together, but she had called me thirty-minutes late, all of a sudden saying that she couldn't make it.

Her tone of voice worried me, she sounded rushed and breathless, totally unlike her. "I'm okay. I'm sorry for flaking out so suddenly," she said before she ended the call. I blinked at the screen, a bit put off by the entire thing. Just what was up with her?

Though I couldn't dwell on it, for there was a presence behind me. "Well, well, look what we have here," a teasing voice whispered into my ear before blowing into it. I shrieked, jumping off the bench before spinning around.

"Dazai!" I hissed at the laughing man standing on the other side of the bench. "You scared the crap out of me!"

"Bet it got your heart pumping, huh," Dazai hummed happily, skipping around the bench and right over to me. "Bella, I missed you~" he hugged me tightly in his arms. I sighed deeply, half-heartedly wrapping my arms around him in return and giving him a pat on the back.

"We saw each other yesterday."

"Eighteen hours is too long, bella."

I rolled my eyes, pulling away from the huge and giving Dazai a look. "You're so dramatic, dude," I say with a laugh, shaking my head. "What are you doing here?"

"Hmm, well I thought this would be a great place to think about how to commit suicide," Dazai began and I gave him another look. "But, I saw my bella looking so sad and lonely! I just had to rush to comfort her!"

Dazai hugged me again, squeezing me tight. I let out a struggling breath, writhing a bit in his hold. "You're killing me!"

"Oh! Let's commit do-"

"No, oh my God!"

I turned and stormed away from the suicidal man, shaking my head when I heard him call out for me. "Bella, wait!" He latched onto my arm, pressing his cheek against mine. "Tell me what's wrong. I am your trusted friend and coworker~"

"More like trusted pain in my ass," I mumbled before sighing, walking over to the boardwalk railing and staring out into the ocean. "It's Keiko. She was supposed to be with me today, but she just called and canceled..." I frowned deeply, eyebrows pinched in worry.

"What else did she say?" Dazai asked quietly, having gone serious once he saw the look in my face. "How did she seem?"

"Off..." I answered immediately before I looked over at my companion. "Or am I just imagining things? Yeah, I'm disappointed she flaked out but...." I hung my head. "I don't know..."

"Well, it could be nothing," Dazai suggested. "Or it could be something. There's no way for you to know."

I made a face at his vague ass answer before sighing again. "I can only trust her. She was the first friend I made when I moved to Japan, and I was excited to see her today. I've been having a rough time lately."

"Is something bothering you?" Dazai asked, and I shivered feeling his gaze on me.

"Eh... just depressed," I answered offhandedly. "Lonely. Normal sad girl shit, ya know."

That made Dazai snicker under his breath. "Yeah, I know. But luckily for you," Dazai started, arm draping around my shoulders and pulling me to him. "I'm here to save the day!"

I couldn't help it, I laughed before I wrapped my arm around his middle, letting him hold me against him. "You'll hang out with me today?"

Dazai grinned. "It would be my pleasure."

Time flew by so quickly, that I was surprised to look at my phone and see that it was damn near seven in the evening. Gaping, I looked up, seeing that the sky was slowly turning dark. "Holy crap, Dazai. Did we really spend the whole day out here?" I asked in shock, looking over at him. "What the hell did we do?!"

"What didn't we do," Dazai whined, slumping against me. "I'm tired... and you still wanna ride the stupid ferris wheel!"

"It's not stupid," I said with a pout. "Besides... we're already in line."

"Meh," Dazai grumbled, still keeping his body pressed against me as we waited in line. He was behind me, his chin pressed on my shoulder. I tried not to shiver as I felt his breath along my neck.

Soon enough, we were in our carriage and slowly riding up to the top. I took a few pictures as we did so, Dazai looking over in amazement.

"You think the drop from up here would kill me?"

"Yeah, and would scar everyone here."

"Oh yeah... can't have that."

I rolled my eyes, glancing over at him and pausing for a bit. Dazai was still looking out over Yokohama, an expression I've never seen before on his face. He almost looked... sad. Very handsome, his side profile absolutely perfect. But he still looked sad. I took a quick picture, smiling as I looked over it on my phone.

The carriage stopped and I couldn't help but grin as we just swayed softly up in the air. "Thanks for spending the day with me, Dazai. It would have sucked if I had spent it alone."

"Ahh, don't sweat it, bella. I couldn't possibly leave you out here alone," Dazai answered dramatically and I laughed and rolled my eyes. 

I felt a vibration in my pocket and I grabbed my phone, smiling at the cute selfie that Keiko sent to me.

'I'm so sorry for bailing! I'll make it up to you, I promise! ❤ mwuah'

"Is that Keiko?" Dazai asked and I nodded, sending her a quick reply.

"Yeah. She seems to be doing okay," I said, feeling a bit relieved.

"That's great!" Dazai exclaimed, getting up from his spot and carefully making his way to sit beside me, much to my horror.

"Dazai! We're not supposed to move around!"

"We're fine!" he waved me off dismissively. "Now you can stop worrying about Keiko and focus on what's important. Me."

I raised my eyebrows at him. "You?"

Dazai hummed. "Yes, me. And how I'm taking you home tonight."

My jaw drops, face heating up at his words. "Wh-what are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about," Dazai answered, his voice dropping a bit as his gaze and entire mood changed. His gaze was darker now, his lips curled up in an almost dangerous smirk. "I think it's time we stop tiptoeing around each other and just take what we really want."

My mouth went dry and I quickly became flustered, turning my head away. Immediately, a hand is grabbing my face, Dazai digging his fingers into my cheeks as he forces me to look back at him.

"Nuh uh, you look at me when I'm speaking."

His authoritative tone makes me freeze, heart pounding in my chest as I stared at Dazai, completely bewildered. I knew there was something more about him than he had let on, and whatever it was, had me in fight or flight mode.

"Now, when we're done here, we're gonna leave and head back to my place, okay?" he asked me, but his tone made it seem like it wasn't a request, and it sure as hell didn't match the seemingly innocent smile on his face; not when it didn't reach his eyes.

I nodded, Dazai removing his hand from my face. His smile sent shivers down my spine.

"Good."

"Mmn... fuck, Dazai..." I moaned and gasped softly, the man on top of me littering my neck with angry red and purple marks, two of his fingers working inside my pussy. I was completely naked on his bed, Dazai only in his underwear-- and his bandages still wrapped around his arms and chest.

"Hey, what did I tell you?" Dazai whispered against my neck, curling his fingers and smirking when I cried out. "Call me Osamu. Don't make me tell you again."

I frantically nodded my head, crying out again as he sped up the pace of his fingers, his mouth moving down to my chest. "F-fuck, Osamu!"

"That's it," he whispered, taking one of my hardened nipples into his mouth. My fingers curled into his soft brown hair, head tilting back and eyes screwing shut as Dazai continued to pleasure my body.

It wasn't long until he pushed his hard cock into my wet pussy, the both of us groaning at the feeling of us finally connecting. I was on my knees and elbows, pillow placed under my hips. Dazai started out slowly, biting his lip as he watched his dick disappear inside of me.

"Fuck... I'm gonna burn this sight into my memory," Dazai groaned, making me whine as I shook my head.

"D-don't stare like that..."

Dazai chuckled softly, his hands grabbing my hips as he started to move faster, thrusting harder. I moaned and whined, it seemed to be the only thing I could do while Dazai fucked the shit outta me. "Osamu... please..."

My whining made the man above me grin widely, his thrusts becoming rougher, almost wild as he suddenly reached out and grabbed a handful off my hair. I yelped when he yanked me up, my back now pressed against his chest and his other hand wrapped around my throat.

"What is it, bella?" he hissed into my ear, pounding away at my pussy and making me cry out again. God, it was too much all at once. "What does my pretty little subordinate want?"

I whined. "I want to cum... please Osamu..."

He cackled, pushing me back on the bed, grabbing my hips so hard, I knew I was gonna bruise. "Cum then," he hissed down at me, pushing my face into the mattress. He fucked me relentlessly, fingers finding my clit and rubbing harsh circles. That made my vision go white, my scream muffled as I came hard, body going rigid as pleasure overtook my body.

"Shit, you're squeezing me so tight," Dazai grunted. He pulled out, ignoring my whines as he stepped off the bed. "Get on your back."

I barely rolled over halfway until there was a strong grip on my ankle, my body being pulled down the length of the bed. Dazai stood at the end, wasting no time in pushing my legs back by the back of my knees, and plunging his cock back into me.

I looked up at him through teary eyes, and I knew I should have been afraid of the mad look that was in his eyes, the way his lips were curled up in a snarl. But it just made my pussy clench around him in arousal, eyes rolling to the back of my head.

I came a second time as he did his first, and much to my ultimate pleasure, we weren't finished there. We pleasured each other through the night, until we wore each other out and fell asleep entangled in the sheets.

I woke up the next morning, groaning in pain as I felt my body ache. I forced myself to sit up, looking around blearily and humming softly when I found Dazai sitting on the edge of the bed, his bare back to me.

"Good morning," he sang to me and I giggled softly, carefully moving to kneel behind him. The blankets fell from around me and I pressed my bare chest against his back. "Hm, that's nice."

"Morning," I said softly, peeking over his shoulder. "What are you do-"

I stop, staring as Dazai wrapped seemingly clean bandages on his heavily scarred left arm. I swallowed thickly, my mind running at what could have possibly been the cause of those scars.

But deep down, I knew that the cause was Dazai himself.

"Do... Do you have enough?" I asked softly, not knowing what else to even say. I didn't want to pry or seem insensitive, just having to get over this metaphorical punch in the gut myself.

"Yeah, I'm fine!" Dazai answered, turning to face me with a cheery smile on his face. In a matter of seconds, I was flat on my back, Dazai on top of me with his lips pressed against mine. It was easy for him to make me forget about what I saw, his kisses stealing my breath away.

"I have to go," he said softly, pushing himself off me after a moment.

I nodded solemnly, watching him continue to get dressed. "Alright. See you at work tomorrow?"

He smirked at me. "You know the answer to that."

I rolled my eyes again, just as my phone started to ring. I grabbed it, sending Dazai a quick smile before answering the call.

"Hey Keiko, guess who got fucking laid." That made Dazai snort while I grinned, though my grin fell as I didn't hear Keiko go off like I thought she would. "Keiko?" I shared a look with Dazai.

"Hey... I need you. Can I come over?"

[fa-headhoncho]

Untitled TFATWS Fic: Part 3

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Prompt/Background: After turning yourself in to the government following the events of CA:TWS, they lock you up for the crimes you committed during your time at Hydra. Spending years there until Captain America got you on parole during the blip to help fight Thanos. Now, after doing community service acts and helping the broken society, when they give the new Captain America the shield, you’re thrown back into a life you didn’t want.

Word Count: 2058

Reader: Female

Warning: parole officers? canon level violence, john walker

Author’s Note: im being lazy and not writing rn but i have a stock pile of fics so get ready for shitty posts :p

Masterlist

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4

=====

Once you get onto the plane, you don’t hold back your emotions. The fight was enough but how Walker talked to Sam and Bucky on the car ride over sent you over the edge. You had to admit, the kid had good intentions but there was something about him that was off.

You don’t even wait for his private jet to lift off before turning to him and pinning him against the nearest wall. Your forearm was laying across his chest while the other was hovering over the knife clipped onto your hip. His managers and friend stand up, rushing to try to pry you off of him but he raises a hand to stop them. “Who the hell do you think you fucking are, huh?”

“Captain America.” He simply responds, looking at down you with a cocky smile. You let out a scoff, the audacity of this man. “Look, I didn’t know that you knew them.”

“Yes, you did.” You exclaim while your forearm digs into his chest, “You read my parole reports, it shows where I spend my time and who I talk to, Bucky and Sam being the main two who I interact with. They’re my friends and you’re using me as a pawn. Steve wouldn’t have done that, Captain America wouldn’t have done that.”

“You talk about looking up to him but you’re nothing like him. You throw around ‘brother’ like it means nothing, you have no idea what those two have gone through with Steve. You hold the shield like it’s a toy and using it to get what you want.” Your voice is menacing low and you knew if you still had your parole officer that he would be scolding you for it.

“Captain America stood up for the little guys but you’re just using it as a title, abusing it to act like the hero you tried to be before. You’re a fucking joke.” You release him and walk away. The air in the room felt tense as you plop down on the chair closest to the exit, furthest away from his management team who didn’t know what just happened.

“If you think I’m going to stand by your side after how you just treated my friends, you’re dead fucking wrong.” You shake your head and lean forward in your seat.

He lets out a chuckle, taking a step towards you with his hands fisted by his side. “You’re going to help me if I say you are. I say the words and you’re locked back in the goddamn cell where you belong. Remember who brought you here in the first place.”

“Hey, John, calm down.” Hoskins finally buds in. Walker scoffs and shakes his head, following him to join the rest of their team.

You shift your eyes to the floor, knowing he’s right. The power the government is giving their new Captain is a desperate attempt to give hope to those after the Blip. It’s going straight to his head and you knew it was going to get worse in the long run.

The rest of the flight is awkward. The tension never settling even if Walker acts like nothing just happened. Hoskins was keeping a close eye on you like you were going to bounce back to your Hydra days and take out everyone on the plane. To be fair, you wanted to but you weren’t stupid and you didn’t want to give him another reason to send you back.

Once the plane touches down, you’re out the door. The group was barely out of the seats before they could see you disappear into the airport. Haling a cab and taking it back to the apartment they were renting for you, changing out of your gear and plopping down onto the bed.

The events of the day finally collapse down onto you. This situation was going to be a lot harder than you originally thought. Walker explained it as just one mission to see where the Flag Smashers were taking the stolen vaccines and you would be on your way. “Free at last” to use his words but now you were roped in for the long haul.

You couldn’t stop thinking about the look of betrayal on Bucky’s face either. He had confided in you about how he felt about the new Captain and how lost he felt. If Steve wasn’t right about Sam then what the hell was wrong with Bucky?

Before you realize it, tears were streaming down your cheeks. You knew it was too early to try to reach out to them so you decide to give them time. They were still processing their interactions with the new Captain and the new information about the Flag Smashers being super-soldiers.

If you were going to have to work with Walker, you were going to have to figure out a plan. Racking your brain for ideas, one comes to mind that would be risky. It would be worth it, though. Staring up at the ceiling, you start strategizing a way you could pull this off. You were one of Hydra’s best agents so hopefully, this would be easy. After going against your original thought and shooting Sam a quick text, you slowly drift off asleep.

=====

Your leg bounces under the table as you stare at the clock above the door. It was half-past seven and the breakfast rush was winding down. The diner was slowly emptying, leaving a hand full of tables with families and friends enjoying their meal. The waitress comes up to your booth, standing there until you notice her.

“Ready to order yet, hun’?” The nice older lady questions, breaking your gaze from the entrance to her. You shake your head no before turning back to the door. She gives you a sad smile before looking down at her watch, “It’s been almost twenty minutes, sweetie, are you sure your friends are still coming?”

You nod quickly, no matter what kind of circumstances the two soldiers would never stand you up. Their hearts were too kind for that. “I was just a bit early, I’m kind of nervous.” You shyly admit, sending her a smile.

“Well, I’m bringing you something to eat at least,” She commands, you open your mouth to reject but she cuts you off, “on the house.” She gives you a firm look before walking off to the back.

Right as she disappears into the kitchen, the bell of the diner dings. Your head snaps to it and you can’t help the large smile that appears on your face at the sight of the duo walking in. The two immediately see you since you placed yourself right near the door.

Sam sends you back a smile while Bucky just eyes you down. You were wearing a simple sweater and pants while they were in their usual civilian gear, a ballcap and jacket. You couldn’t help but ogle at how good Bucky looked in the blue Hently you two bought when he first came to Brooklyn.

They slip into the booth, their broad figures barely fitting on the small seat. Sam elbows Bucky as he tries to get comfortable but he doesn’t acknowledge it.

“Morning.” You try to make conversation. “How was the rest of your day yesterday?”

“He got arrested.” Sam bluntly says making your jaw drop. “He missed his check-in with the shrink.”

“I told you not to tell her.” Bucky makes out through clenched teeth, he just shrugs in response. You go to scold him but he holds a steady hand out, “You can yell at me all you want later, what do you want? We don’t have much time.” Your heart drops with how aggressive he’s being towards you.

“I want to help you.” You announce, ignoring Bucky’s eye roll as he remembers who you’re working with. He goes to tell you off just like he told Walker but you start rambling before he could utter a word, “I know it’s not the ideal situation but Walker wants me on his team. If I could earn his trust and figure out what their plans are, I can report back to you two.”

“And how do we not know this is a setup?” Sam points out, leaning forward on the table as Bucky looks around the diner for any sign of said Captain America, “They could be listening right now, they still have you under lock and key.”

You gleam at the mention of that, realizing that you haven’t told them the good news. “Not anymore.” You extend your leg out from under the table for Bucky to see your naked ankle. “Walker pulled some strings to get me off my parole earlier.”

A look of realization comes across Sam’s face once he pieces everything together. He knew how mad you were about the new Captain America, how you helped him and Bucky against the Smashers instead of the other two, and how you didn’t know anything about Bucky getting arrested made sense.

“So, you made a deal with the devil.” Bucky snarkily questions, a look of disappointment on his face.

You let out a scoff at his words, “I did what I had to do, James. Not all of us were lucky enough to get pardoned.” You spit back, tired of how he was acting. “He tricked me, told me it was just one simple favor to repay him. Now, he wants me to be a part of his team to take down the Flag Smashers. Told me if I didn’t help that he would send me back to jail and it would reset everything I had accomplished in the last five years.”

Bucky’s eyes soften at your confession, hanging his head in embarrassment at his assumptions. The waitress comes up and sets the small plate of food down in front of you, giving an awkward smile to the boys before walking off.

You let out a sigh, feeling bad for yelling at him. He was being a dick but that didn’t mean you had to be one back to him. He was going through a lot and this was the last thing he needed.

Grabbing the fork, you stare down at the pancakes. “You don’t have to forgive me or anything but just understand where I’m coming from, please.”

They share a look as they silently communicate. Bucky narrows his eyes and Sam tilts his head at him. You look between them as you try to figure out what’s going on.

“I can’t read your mind, cyborg. Use your words.” Sam finally spits out then elbows him one more time, “Will you please scoot over? I’m suffocating over here!”

Bucky sighs and rolls his eyes at his friend. He gets up out of the booth and slips in next to you, using his larger form to push you closer to the window. Your eyes widen in surprise as he slings his arm to rest behind your head. He then takes the extra fork and stabs it into your hashbrowns.

Sam lets out an awe as he watches the two of you eat from your plate, “Don’t you two look so cute.”

“Shut up, Sam.” You both demand at the same time. He raises his hands up in defense, leaning back in the booth with a smug smile on his face. The two of you easily fall into conversation, catching up on things and giggling at the little jokes he was making. Suddenly, after a few moments of silence as the two of you enjoy the meal, you remember what Sam mentioned earlier.

Bucky lets out a little yelp when you send a swift smack to the back of his head, making the hashbrowns he was about to eat fall off his fork. “What the hell was that for?”

“For getting arrested, are you kidding me, James? Do you know what could’ve happened to you? I swear to God, James Buchanan Barnes, you will be the death of me—“ You continue to scold while Sam lets out a booming laugh. Mad at him for being so careless, you poke and prod at his chest but stop when you notice the expression on his face. Your heart can’t handle the way he pulls out his puppy dog eyes and his pouted lip. “Oh, don’t pull that shit with me.”

_____

untitled tfawts fic: @crowleysqueenofhell @mischiefmanaged71 @thewinterrbucky @lizajane3 @ahahafudge @spookycereal-s @a-girl-who-loves-disney @kittengirl998 @ sebby-staan

[that-house]

The Advertiser (A City of Mammon story)

Thursday, June 8th, 3358

I finally have a job! It pays really well, and the hours are super generous. I’m an undercover advertiser! From 10 to 1 on weekdays a marketing AI or my human manager takes control of my  mind and body and uses me to advertise for various companies. My contract prevents me from telling anyone about it, so I’m writing about it in my journal.

Friday, June 9th, 3358

It’s a little scary. I black out at 10 AM and I come to 3 hours later in a different location. It’s worth it though. I’ve never had so much money! Ever since the Free Will Law was passed in 3352, forcing companies to double the salary for jobs that require the employee to sacrifice their free will, I’ve been dreaming of getting a job like this. It’s one of the highest-paying jobs available to Middle Marketers!

Monday, June 12th, 3358

I think I dream while I’m being piloted. I don’t remember the dreams, though. But there’s some semblance of memories.

Tuesday, June 13th, 3358

I got a bonus! People I’ve interacted with on the job have been purchasing the products I’ve recommended them. Just once, I’d like to be able to see what goes on. Do I still act like myself? Are the ads subtle or do I just scream about my favorite brand of toothpaste? I might put up some cameras.

Wednesday, June 14th, 3358

THAT IS NOT ME. Do you know how creepy it is to see yourself moving in a way you never would? I’m not a graceful person, but whatever is controlling me does so with fluid precision. I only put up a camera in my house, so I don’t know anything else about the job. I’m going to spread my surveillance network further out.

Thursday, June 15th, 3358

I’m getting tired of taking taxis back home. The fees are racking up. Today I wound up halfway across the city. I suppose they don’t want me interacting with people who know me. They might recognize that it isn’t me. I’ll be putting cameras up in my neighborhood this weekend.

Friday, June 16th, 3358

I think I had another dream. I don’t know where my mind goes when I get taken over, but I remember feeling something. The AI seems to know my body better than I do. Everything it does looks so smooth and polished. It knows where my limbs end. I could never imagine it stubbing my toe or hurting me in any way. Its control makes me feel safe, but I’m also jealous that it’s using my body better than I ever could.

Monday, June 19th, 3358

I got my cameras set up. They cover a few blocks. Today they picked up something… unnerving. Today, whoever was piloting me was most certainly not the AI. They were clumsy and didn’t seem to understand the dimensions of my body, but they moved with so much purpose. They stalked to the door and waited impatiently for a taxi, got in as quickly as possible, and sped off. When I came to, I was unharmed, and didn’t notice that anything was different until I watched the video.

Tuesday, June 20th, 3358

The AI was back today. I don’t know what yesterday was. I’m confused. The pay is still excellent, I’m still unharmed. I guess my manager must have stepped in yesterday, though why they did I don’t know.

Wednesday, June 21st, 3358

Today was unsettling for two reasons. My manager took control again, and I had a nightmare. It’s weird seeing my unconscious body which I’ve gotten so used to being graceful and calm being almost angry instead. But nothing bad has happened yet, other than the nightmare. I felt the familiar symptoms of the blackout coming on, the fuzzy vision and the mild headache, and the next thing I knew I was falling. I landed in a pool of blood, hot and red and sticky and tasting of iron. It was just deep enough that I couldn’t quite keep my mouth above the surface. I tried to scream but the blood flooded into my mouth, choking my cries before they could make it out.

Thursday, June 22nd, 3358

I need to spread my cameras further. My manager took control of me again. There’s something about the way I move when they’re in control that scares me. Too much confidence and too much anger.

Friday, June 23rd, 3358

Today my manager took the stairs. They took me outside and up to the next floor, maybe higher. My cameras are focused on the ways the taxis tend to go. I hadn’t considered that I might walk somewhere. I know everyone in the building. Surely they would notice that something’s wrong.

Monday, June 26th, 3358

I put up more cameras. I don’t think my manager is advertising. They’re going up and down the building. They aren’t going to anyone I don’t already know. There’s no way they could mimic me well enough to not give themselves away. They clearly aren’t trying to sell anything. The nightmares are getting worse.

Tuesday, June 27th, 3358

I got another bonus. I don’t think I’ve sold anything in a week. I can afford more cameras. At this point I could start my own security firm. I haven’t been controlled by the AI in a long time. I miss it.

Wednesday, June 28th, 3358

Someone put up missing person flyers throughout the building. Mr. Sharpe hasn’t been seen for a few days. There were signs of a struggle, blood in his apartment. The day they think he went missing I had a nightmare. I dreamt I saw his face. It was awful. By Mammon it was awful. His teeth were ripped out, his nose was cut off, and there were scissors in my hands. I’m beginning to worry that I had something to do with it.

Thursday, June 29th, 3358

If you were a serial killer who could kill through other people wouldn’t you do it?

Friday, June 30th, 3358

Fuck. I’ve slept on it, and I think my manager is killing people through my body. I’m going to get to the bottom of this. I will continue writing in this journal until this problem has been concluded. Should the writing in this journal end before we have reached a satisfying end, it is likely that I myself have been killed.

Monday, July 3rd, 3358

I called my employer to ask who my manager is. They said they weren’t at liberty to tell me. I had another nightmare, this time about Ms. Hathaway. I won’t be surprised if flyers bearing her face are up tomorrow.

Tuesday, July 4th, 3358

Happy Dollar Day! The flyers went up. I don’t know if there’s anything I can do. My manager has been doing a good job sneaking around so far. The security drones still aren’t looking for me. I’m worried it’s only a matter of time. I need to find my manager, and soon.

Wednesday, July 5th, 3358

Another nightmare. I might as well report Ms. DiAngelo’s disappearance myself. I can only assume that if her body is found, it will have been brutalized with a hammer. That’s what happened in my dream. I feel like I’m stuck watching myself commit atrocities from the outside.

Thursday, July 6th, 3358

Upon further examination, there’s blood under my nails. I’m a weapon for my manager. They’re using me to kill people, and if I get caught they’ll move on to another undercover advertiser. They might be using multiple people at once.

Friday, July 7th, 3358

I want to quit, but I can’t. Quitting won’t stop my manager. They’ll keep on killing unless I stop them. I’m the only person who can do anything. I don’t know how much blood is on my hands. They’ve been used to kill at least three people, but there could be more. I may not be the mind behind the killing but I’m guilty enough. It’s my responsibility to end this.

Monday, July 10th, 3358

Normally I write following my shift, but as soon as it ends I’m heading to the company headquarters. I’m bringing a gun. This ends today. I’ll write another entry when I get back to provide closure, and then I’d like to put this journal and this grisly business behind me.

[wendystales]

Memories - lrh (Chapter Fourteen)

Memories (also on Wattpad)

Chapter Thirteen ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ Chapter Fifteen

We stopped in front of the new location of The Art of Taste, where a group of people were waiting to enter. The entire facade was lit with small bulbs wrapped around the bushes, which framed the outside.

My mom is the first out of the car, excited, barely expecting Luke and me. She takes the lead, going straight to security and showing us our invitations.

“She's very excited”. Hemmo comments from beside me, offering me his arm.

“You have no idea.” I open a smile.

We followed my mother as she led the way, looking for Mr. Marshall. I appreciate the decor of the place and fall in love with the small wooden bridge that leads into the restaurant, passing by a pond with koi.

"Debra! You came!” Mr. Marshall approaches as excited as my mother. “You’re stunning.” her cheeks blush.

“Oh, not that much. It's an old little dress I had in the back of the closet.” she lowers her head shyly.

"Didn't she say she bought the dress today?" Luke whispered confusedly to me, almost making me laugh. I watch the two lovebirds praising and flirting like two teenagers.

"Marnie! I'm happy for your presence too.” he hugs me. “You must be Luke! Debra talks about you a lot.” he opens a sympathetic smile.

Subtly, I widen my eyes at my mom, wanting to scold her, but she just shrugged, ignoring me. Luke smiles sympathetically and handles the situation perfectly.

Mr. Marshall takes us to a more private table and away from the window for more privacy. I sit next to Luke, having a full view of whoever enters the restaurant.

“I'm going to have the menu degustations served, and if you don't mind, I'm going to steal Debra for a while.” he smiles at my mother.

“Be my guest!” I open a tight smile, very happy for them.

"Is there something I should know?" Luke asks me after the two walk away arm in arm.

“They're in love, but they don't know what to do.” Summary, still watching the them.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me about it." Luke repeats the same thing I said yesterday. I let out a laugh, disbelieving his audacity.

“Sorry, there was no time.” I raise my eyebrows, like he does.

Yesterday was a special night with Luke. After Urban Light, we went to Santa Monica, to sit on the sand and watch the sea, illuminated by the lights from the pier. It was fun to have this time with him without anyone looking at us like fools for whatever move we made.

It was nice to meet him and know everything he likes and dislikes, as well as getting to know the band's history better. For moments like this, just the two of us, I could let him get closer, totally letting my guard down and creating a better relationship.

Of course because of this endless conversation we had and cause we got super late back home, today I woke up looking like a zombie and only managed to get out of bed by a miracle. But even tired, I would do everything exactly the same, just to be able to spend this time with him.

"Should we wait for the girls?" I question, seeing a board of small toast and various types of sauces and pates being served to us.

“I believe not!” he's the first to take the toast and dip it in a red sauce.

I follow him, quickly taking two and sinking into the same sauce. Tomato and basil. I let out an exclamation when I taste it. I start to eat more, after all, I didn't even have time to have lunch today and I didn't even want to, because I knew I would eat here.

I had invited everyone to come to the opening today, but only Luke, Leah, and Kyleen agreed right away. Calum, Ash and Noah had other commitments and Michael also tried to use this one, but Ashton soon revealed the lie, saying that he was actually going on a date, with that Sophie.

"You didn't have lunch today, did you?" I stop the toast in the air, mouth open, watching Luke look me curious.

“I didn’t have time.” I answer a little embarrassed.

“Well, if we run out of those toast, just ask for more.” he takes one more, sinking now into a green pate. I watch his face, trying to guess what that would be.

“Pesto?” I ask, looking at the pot. Luke denies it. I smell the content not identifying much.

"A bitter taste." he make a face. “No! It's a good bitter.” he adds quickly.

When I least notice, Hemmings and I are playing russian roulette with sauce and pates. We just don't know how to just eat quietly, we have to play.

"Bad?" I ask, watching him close his eyes and wrinkle his nose. Luke nodded, swallowing and eating another toast with the tuna pate, which was what we liked best.

"A taste of… I can't explain it. Eats!” he offers me the toast with the white pate and small green bits.

“No! Don't you know what it is and want to push it to me?” I drop the toast on my plate, wanting distance.

Interrupting our little discussion, Leah and Kyleen arrive.

“Sorry we’re late. There was an accident on the expressway. Have you started eating yet?” Leah glances across the table sulkily.

"M&Ms didn't have lunch." Luke hands it to me. I slap his arm.

“Great, there are two of us.” Kiki smiles, already eating some toast. "What is this one?" she points to the weird pate.

“We haven't eaten yet, but try it there.” Hemmings encourages, surprising me with his performance. I stare at him laughing.

Like Luke, Kiki grimaces, disapproving of the pate. I offer my glass of juice to her, which she drinks in one gulp.

“This is horrible. What is that?” she whispers disgustedly.

Luke steals the menu from the next table, looking for the pate. I squint at the ingredients: ricotta, gorgonzola and pickles. I understand why it's horrible.

It doesn't take long and more stuff arrives at our table. Once again, we started our russian roulette, trying everything out and grading, as if we were at MasterChef. We really don't have maturity for anything.

Looking at the restaurant entrance, I start nudging Luke, flustered, discreetly asking him and the girls to look too. Surprised and excited, we watched Michael approach our table, hand in hand with a girl shorter than him.

“Is it her?” I try to contain my excited voice.

“It's her!” Hemmo confirms.

“Okay! But who is she?” Kyleen asks, lost.

“They met at a game match and now Michael is in love.” I almost run over my words, trying to deliver the information before they arrived.

"I didn't tell you." Luke already takes his off the line.

“Hey!” Michael sighs standing next to the table.

“Hey!” aside from Luke, the girls and I were all smiles.

“This is Sophie! My friend.” Mike introduces. The girl with dark hair and two streaks white, like Narcissa in Harry Potter, smiles shyly.

“Sorry for the delay, we got lost.” her voice is low.

“Actually, I didn't want to come.” Michael doesn't even bother to lie. If it wasn't a public place, I'd throw a shoe on him.

Sophie excuses herself and heads to the bathroom as we pull another table for them. Michael sits across from Luke, leaving Sophie in mine and Leah beside her.

“Please, I'll pay you whatever you want, but don't embarrass me.” Mike begs. “I like her a lot.” he admits it quietly.

"Awn!" me and the girls hold hands, dying of love.

“I hate you.” he declares.

“To show that we are willing to help, do not eat the white pate. It’s not from this world. And not in the good way.” Leah warns him.

Sophie returns to the table, taking a seat across from me. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice how Michael's posture becomes tense. He's so into her. Without needing much, we start a conversation and Sophie slowly walks in, forming a group.

“This gaming field must be shit, right? I mean, for who is a woman, isn't it?” Kyleen asks.

“Yea! No man likes to lose to a woman. They never accept that I play better than they do. Cause of this, when Michael called me, I thought he was going to argue with me.” she gives a shy smile.

"Actually, I was going to ask for my shield back." he gives an ashamed laugh.

"And complain to me how you lost." she completes, making him laugh. The way they look at each other makes my heart melt.

The four of them get carried away on a subject as I approach Luke.

“They're really cute.” I whisper.

"I think we're both a lot cuter." he snaps, smiling. I open a smile, denying the way he's sassy.

“You were not like this.” I comment with a smile. I take my gaze to the hall, finding my mother walking with Mr. Marshall, still arm in arm. "I think they're cuter than us." Luke follows my gaze.

“All right! She's your mother, I'll give you my arm. Do you think they'll be together?”

“I hope!”

“Are you gossiping about Debra?” I am startled by Kyleen approaching me and joining in our conversation.

"What's the gossip with Debra?" Leah already turns her attention to us.

"Is there gossip about Debra?" Michael leans against the table, moving closer.

I look at the curious faces trying to identify how my mom became the subject of the table. If she knows this, she will kill me!

"Don't let her know that." I declare before I lean against the table and tell her about my mother and Mr. Marshall.

Friday

I feel terrible, not only for the cramps and indisposition, but mainly for having to cancel with Luke. I've waited so long for this date and now I'm here, lying on the couch, suffering for being born a woman.

“Here.” Leah hands me a pain killer and a hot water bottle. I lay my head on her lap, wanting to cry. “It's OK.” she repeats calmly as she cuddles me. She knows why. “You can go out next week, he won't change his mind until then.”

“I know he won’t, but…” I catch my throat, not wanting to accept that I would cry about this, but I can't control it, letting a few tears fall. Damn hormones. “I don't know if I can make it another week, I was so excited.” my voice crack it. “Stop laughing!” I scream when I feel her body move.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! But you look so funny like this. Sorry.” she hugs me, holding back her laughter.

Before I can complain, the doorbell rings and I'm grateful that Kiki has finally arrived with food and a lap where I can cry more. Leah runs to open the door and I feel my heartbeat stop for seconds when his voice reaches me. I lift my head, seeing him come in full of bags and a Petunia on a leash.

“What are you doing here?” I quickly dry my face and try to fix my hair. I look awful. Luke looks at me confused and opens his arms, as if the answer is wide open there.

“I came to take care of you, of course.” he laughs. Leah is behind him, smiling like hell.

I sink my face into the pillow, wanting to cry more. I don't deserve him. I don’t deserve. Luke lets go of Petunia, who runs off to try to climb onto the couch and lick me. Leah helps Luke empty the bags in the kitchen.

While they straighten everything out in the kitchen, I go back to tidying up my appearance, trying to look at least presentable.

"I brought some soup that Calum made. Pain killers, sweets and some facial masks, This always helps you relax and get better.” he comes closer and I just want to bury myself. I look awful.

“I can't believe you came here and still brought all this.” my heart melts at the attitude and smile he gives.

"I'm sorry if you thought you were going to get rid of me." he sits beside me with a bowl of soup, pleasant smell by the way. I move closer, almost getting under his arms and snuggling into his chest. However, I still keep a safe distance and control my urges to cling to him.

“Well, since you’re very well cared for and accompanied. I think I'm on my way.” Leah still has the smile. “Get well.” she kisses my cheek. "Anything, call me. And you, take good care of her.” she orders Luke.

“Promise!” he raises his right hand.

Leah left, leaving us alone. Petunia lying on my lap, curious about the hot water bottle. Luke beside me, holding the bowl and spoonful of broth toward me.

"You know you don't have to spoon-feed me, don't you?" I ask before opening my mouth.

"Can you let me take care of you?" he counters, falsely sulking.

“You can, just don't need…”

“Sh-sh! Eat the soup.” he advances another spoonful into my mouth. I roll my eyes, silent.

"Calum who did it?" I ask impressed, after a few spoonfuls.

“He's been taking some cooking lessons, especially now that he's turned vegetarian.”

"You should do it too, to stop making eggs in the microwave." I let a fake smile in the end.

"Worried about me?" he asks smiling.

"Shut up and give me the soup." I ignored him, taking a deep breath and not smiling under his amused gaze.

Between spoonfuls, I play with Petunia, already feeling much better. At least the urge to cry has passed.

"You said you brought candy." I knelt on the couch, watching him carry the bowl of soup to the sink. Luke laughs, grabbing some white and pink boxes from the fridge.

“Yes, I believe sugar can help.” he puts the boxes on the table and pulls Petunia onto the rug. “You don’t!” she barks. “You can’t!” she barks louder. “Hey! Come! I'll give you your food.” I watch her follow him into the kitchen.

I open the first white box seeing a generous piece of Red Velvet. I pick up the fork he brought and already steal a piece. In the second box, I find four cupcakes and four donuts. My eyes widen as I open the third box.

"Did you go to Mr. Marshall's restaurant?" I question shocked.

“Yea! You said you liked his chocolate cake. He made this one especially for you.” I look at the smaller size cake.

“I don't remember him decorating with M&Ms.” I comment, stealing a piece already.

“Oh, I asked him to do it.”

I close my eyes, letting my body react to that information any way it wants to. He asked them to put M&Ms on my cake because he knows I like it.

Luke returns to sit beside me, picking up a white chocolate cupcake. I hold the box of Red Velvet in my lap, recklessly eating the cake.

"Argh! I feel so guilty. I'm going to get fat like this.” I complain, but without stopping eating.

“You are indisposed, you can eat what you want. Tomorrow we worry about our weight.” Luke speaks with his mouth full.

"I thought you didn't like red desserts." I comment, watching him take a full fork of my cake.

“How do you know that?” he looks at me curiously. Then I realize I've been cornered.

“In an interview last year.” then I fill my mouth, making it impossible for me to continue the conversation.

"Are you still googling me?" he puts again that amused/satisfied smile on his face.

“Of course, you were my boyfriend. I need to know what kind of people I'm getting involved with.” I shrug.

“I understood. Well, I really don't like it. I don't understand the need to make it red.”

“It's to be more aesthetically beautiful. It's like wearing makeup. You use it and looks more beautiful, it enhances your beauty.” Luke stares at me, holding back his laughter. I've seen this same expression when I defended my M&M’s organizer.

“Well, I know you're crazy about this cake, so I brought it.” he shrugs, like it's no big deal. But for me it's something. If Luke still has any intentions of winning me back, he's doing great.

“Thanks.” I advance toward him, kissing his cheek in shyly. I notice Luke is ashamed too, but maintains his pose.

After we stuff ourselves with candy. Luke and I were in the bathroom, trying to put on those face masks. At first I thought he brought it just for me, but when I saw him putting it on, I understood that he would participate body and soul in that night with me.

“This isn't right.” he comments still struggling with that piece of material.

"You didn't put it upside down, did you?" I approach trying to help.

“No! The eyes are here. So why don't stay?” I see the mask slip off his face. I hold back a laugh, taking the material from his hands.

"If you take the cape off, it stays." I pull out the plastic that holds the oils and put it on his face.

“Makes more sense.” he comments, watching me massage his face. “I need to shave.” he says as I massage his cheeks.

“No!” the answer comes out faster than I can think.

Luke stares at me in surprise at the revelation. With my hands still on his face, I notice the mood and walk away, drying my hands.

“And now?” I stare at him behind me in the mirror. Luke just raises his hands and shakes his fingers, demonstrating that we're going to get our nails done. The scene itself is so funny it makes me laugh. He's the best boyfriend anyone could have. "I think we'd better wait the twenty minutes for the mask, so as not to blur our work."

“Truth. Let's get back to the series then.” he turns around, his back to me, crouching down a little. I grab his shoulders and push off, climbing on his back. And like this, we go back to the room, on piggyback.

I go back under the covers, grateful that I'm sitting down because my legs are killing me. How can something that stays in the womb fuck my entire body? I shift uncomfortably, not finding a position that would make my legs stop hurting.

“Is it everything OK?” he asks, hitting play on The Office.

“My legs.” I answer softly, lying down on the couch with my head next to him.

“Turn. Put your legs here.” he pats his lap. I roll over on the couch, leaving my legs in his lap, where within seconds Luke starts massaging my legs.

I roll my eyes, feeling my body soften. A moan wants to escape, but I hold it with all the strength in the world, along with the treacherous declaration that explodes in my chest. They were three dangerous words that could mess with him more than anything else.

“You are incredible!” I exchange the words, feeling more secure in that expression. The blonde chuckles, shaking his head as he squeezes my foot.

I can't focus for a minute on TV. The feel of him touching my skin so gently and stiffly steals all my attention. I shift my gaze between him and the screen so I don't get so in the face that I'm staring at him.

After twenty minutes of the mask, we went back to the bathroom, washing our faces and then starting to do our nails. I'm sitting, glued to Luke, my hand propped up on a pillow in his lap as he applies the black nail polish. Once again I shift my gaze between him and the new episode, but I don't care if he catches me staring in the meantime.

"Did we do that a lot?" I inquire softly. Luke doesn't answer me with words, too focused on his work, just nodding his head positively.

“Especially when you were feeling bad, or when I was really tired and stressed out.” he complements after finishing a hand. “Tv shows, candies, beauty treatments and massage. Once you wanted to invent climbing on my back, massaging me with your feet.” he starts to smile, still focused.

“I'm sorry.” I lay my head against his shoulder. Let out a low laugh, focused on him.

“It wasn't one of our best ideas. But I can't deny that it wasn't good.”

"Were you happy with me? I mean, we had a good relationship, didn't we?” I question after a while.

Luke stops and stares at the wall, maybe thinking. I analyze your profile apprehensive about the delay. Then his eyes connect to mine. It's like a screen, I don't need the answer anymore, it's there, explicit in the glow of his eyes.

“Yes. I believe we had a great relationship.” he goes back to painting my nails, putting the last coat on.

“Itn't was those weird, honeyed types, was it?” curiosity takes me more every second. Luke holds back a laugh, denying it.

“No! I tried once, but you hit me with the pillow. But that's not our style either. It's like wanting Leah to be cute.” he shrugs. "Don't let her know that." he looked at me in alarm.

“I won’t! Honestly, I'm glad it's you here.” he stops and looks at me curiously. “You know…not that she's not amazing. Even because she was taking really good care of me, but…” I swallow with his gaze so fixed on me. Oh Lord, where are the words?! “You are you!” I shrug. "Don't let her know that." I ask in an alarmed way, as well as he.

“I'm me?” he turns more to me.

“Yeah!” I take a deep breath, trying to find myself in the mess I decided to make. “You seem to know how to handle this whole situation and cause…" Why is it so hard for me to say that I enjoy his company? “You know…I like being with you.” I whisper, wanting to crumble into thin air and disappear.

I lower my gaze, not holding that moment. I've known Luke for a month. I know that he only has size and age in his identity, that inside he is as child and silly as the guys. But there's something about him, so subtle and unobtrusive, that intimidates me so much.

“I like being with you too… but something tells me you already know.” the playful tone breaks the pit of shame I was in. I open a shy smile, going back to watching him finish painting my nails.

“Can I ask you something?” I question fearfully, after he finishes. Luke nodded. "How was that day? The one from the accident.”

He just stops. His jaw locks and that glint in his eyes fades. He leans back against the sofa, snorting. I feel bad for causing this discomfort. I'm even thinking about withdrawing the question, however, Luke is already starting to speak.

“You had gone to rehearse for Vogue and then we were supposed to go to lunch cause I turned off your alarm, and then you were late and we can't have breakfast together.” he narrates quietly and with a lost look.

"Why did you turned off my alarm?" I frown, confused.

"Cause I thought that way you'd stay home with me." I pick up my lips, pressing them together so I don't laugh at his pout. “Well, I was at the restaurant when it happened. The manager came to me and told me what happened, apparently was already on the news.” he takes a deep breath before continuing. “I was the first to arrive, but you were already in attendance, so I only saw you in your room a couple hours later.”

"The nurse said you slept there." I comment quietly, letting my mind wander to that day. Your cheeks are easily pink.

"I wasn't leaving your side." he answers in the same tone.

“Sorry I got you into this. And for being stupid the first time we met…again.” I add.

“It's OK! I mean, it was kind of good.” I widen my eyes, not understanding. “By making you fall in love with me again, I also ended up falling in love with you all over again.”

My heart races. The revelation takes me by surprise, not giving me time to hide the stupid grin gaping at my face. I roll my eyes, looking at the TV, which is currently playing with Jim asking Pam on a date. Ironically, she had the same stupid smile as mine.

"I never said I'm in love with you." I try to maintain my dignity, or whatever I'm supposed to maintain at a time like this.

“It's just a matter of time.” Out of the corner of my eye, I see him shrug. “You've already admitted that you like being with me. For those who hated me in that hospital, enjoying my presence is already a big step forward.”

I bite my lip, closing my eyes. He can’t be serious.

"I never said I hated you." I look at him, who was focused on the TV.

"And you never said you're not in love with me either." he blinks, smiling in amusement.

“I hate you!” I say loud enough.

“In seventh grade, when a girl said she hated a boy, it's because she liked him.” Luke comments, leaving me speechless, my mouth hanging open. "I will take your silence as a yes."

I kneel down on the couch, taking the pillow from my lap and hitting it. Hemmings starts to laugh as he shields himself from the flurry of beatings I give him. My God, how I hate him.

I return to sit on the couch more relieved, but still with my heart pounding. It's a mixture of very random feelings. I want to hit him at the same time I want to kiss him as I sink his head into the coffee table, telling him how much I like him.

The desire to let these feelings take over me fascinates me. But that's not how I wanted everything to happen between us. Expected to be a little more romantic, with me more tidy and less messy.

"You made me smudge my nail." Finally, I accuse him, sulking.

[maevemarethyu]

Unexpected (6/?)

(Not my GIF)

(This is my shitty border though. First try and all.)

You weren’t expecting it. Neither of you were.

That didn’t mean you weren’t happy with how it ended.

Bucky Barnes x Reader Fic.

Warnings: I don’t think there are any in this one? Sad Boi Hours, Firearms, A lot of dialogue from a lot of people.

“You haven’t heard from Frank? At all?” Karen worries over a cup of coffee the next day and you roll your eyes.

“Nope. I’ve tried calling him but, it goes straight to voicemail.” You sigh as you stare out the coffee shop window at the people passing by. “He’s fine though. I can feel it.”

“It’s not him we’re worried about.” Elektra snorts before reconciling her words. “Not that we’re particularly worried about which river they’re going to find Patrick in a few days from now.”

That brings a faint smile to your tired face. You doubt that your brother would actually kill Patrick. Frank had begun carving out a new life for himself here as and you knew he wouldn’t jeopardize it for the likes of Patrick Vaughn.

So, no, your brother wouldn’t kill him but, maiming wasn’t out of the question. A few broken bones wouldn’t lay too heavily on your conscience either.

Your phone goes off for the fifth time in as many minutes and you reach for it quickly.

“Ugh. Again? Who’re you texting that’s so important?” Elle groans, obviously slighted by the distraction. “This is the first time we’re seeing each other since you found out about Pat. We demand your undivided attention.”

“And you’ll get it.” You promise. “This is about my door needing to be fixed. Bucky asked me when I was free so he could get it done.”

The two women sat across from you share a look as you type out a response, laughing at the photo of Sam and Steve that was sent with it. It was abundantly clear the Captain America had no idea how to use a drill when you see him frustratedly trying to get it to turn on while Sam stands in the back, holding the battery in his hand, with a finger on his lips.

It was a comfort; knowing that the all mighty Avengers were just normal people.

“We’re calling him Bucky now?” Karen hums as she leers over the table. “And he’s offering to fix your door?”

You knew that tone and you knew what she was implying. For some reason it brings an irritated heat to your face.

Foggy had been implying the same things when you had called him last night and you weren’t sure how to broach the topic.

Sure, Bucky was a nice guy but, you knew he wasn’t over Claire and you definitely weren’t over Patrick no matter how much you wished you were. You couldn’t run away from fifteen years like he had and, just because everyone else was sick and tired of your previous relationship (which they had made abundantly clear in every call you made last night) you weren’t.

No. Your mind kept replaying all of the good times you had with your ex-husband. After what he had said to you yesterday, you wanted nothing more than to erase him from your mind but, it didn’t work that way.

Having Bucky, someone who was going through the same thing, helped immensely but, after he left last night and you were left alone with your thoughts, you crumbled. Your breakdown had almost been as bad as when you’d first met the super soldier. You were hurt and you wished your friends would stop telling you how much they hated the man you had been married to. It didn’t help. All it did was make you feel stupid and weak for not seeing the signs in the first place. They made you feel like shit every time they pointed out how poorly he treated you and they had no clue.

How do you tell your friends that? They were trying to be supportive but, it wasn’t the support you needed right now. Right now, you just needed someone to sit next to you and listen to you rant while watching cheesy movies and eating your favorite take out.

You needed Bucky as pathetic as that sounds.

“Yes. He’s fixing my door because Frank kicked it off of its hinges in a fit of rage last night.” You reply curtly when you realize you had been silent for an odd amount of time. “He should be at my place in a half hour so-“

“Okay, let’s get ready to go then.” Elektra cuts in. She’s pulling on her coat and throwing away your empty cups before you can protest. “What? I want to meet him and I’m sure Karen would too. Right Karen?”

She poses the sentence as a question but, you know it’s not. Her tone leaves no room for you to say no and you have to remind yourself that she was just trying to be there for you. The former assassin was still learning how to be someone’s friend and she often came off harsher than she meant to.

Forgoing a worded answer, Karen nods enthusiastically and you know you’re stuck. You knew that if you wanted to continue having a friendship with Bucky he would eventually have to meet your friends but, you weren’t sure if you were ready for that.

It wasn’t in Elektra’s nature to give you a choice though and you mentally resign yourself to it as you pull on your own coat and finish the muffin you had gotten for breakfast. The brunette smirks at you, knowing she’s won and Karen claps her hands giddily.

This wasn’t how you were expecting your day to go. You were hoping that you could go out to breakfast with your friends, go home, get your door fixed, and spend the rest of the day hanging out with Laysa and Bucky before collapsing back into bed so you weren’t dead on your feet tomorrow at work.

It would be your first day back since taking in the snow leopard cub and you had been counting down the days, now even more so.

Karen opens the door and you three make your exit onto the busy sidewalk. A cool breeze has you pulling your jacket tighter and you inhale the smell of the incoming fall season. The first day of October was quickly approaching and you hoped the changing of the seasons would help you adjust to the changes in your life.

“Let me just call Bucky to let him know that you guys are coming.” You voice when the thought pops into your mind that he might not want to meet your friends. He seemed okay with your brother but, that had been a whirlwind encounter that caught you both off guard. “I don’t want to spring this on him.”

Elektra purses her lips but shrugs instead of arguing.

When you look down at your phone, you’re shocked to see it already ringing with Bucky’s name being displayed on the screen. Once again a smile creeps onto your face at the sight as you press the answer button and bring the phone to your ear.

“Hey! I was just about to call. Is everything okay?” You chirp, signaling the girls to follow you as you begin the trek back to your house.

There’s a rumble on the other line and faint arguing that piques your curiosity and you’re trying to discern what’s being said when Bucky finally answers.

“Hey Doll.” He sounds out of breath and you have to wonder what has a super soldier like him breathing hard. “Everything’s fine. It’s just-“

“Y/N we wanna come over!” A voice that could only be Sam Wilson yells from the background, causing you to shake your head with a grin.

You hear James grumble something unintelligible before letting out a long sigh. “They want to meet you.”

“They being Sam and Steve?” You guess whilst biting your thumb, trying to hold back the peal of laughter that threatens to escape.

“Yes ma’am.” A much calmer voice comes through and you vaguely recognize it as Steve Rogers from yesterday’s call. His politeness is every bit what you would expect from America’s sweetheart.

“You’re free to say no.” Barnes cuts in. “Please say no.”

He was obviously in the same boat as you but, you weren’t throwing him a life vest anytime soon. If you go down. So does he.

“You can come on two conditions.” You hum and he groans. “One is that Steve never calls me ma’am again and two is whether or not you’re okay with meeting two of my friends that so rudely invited themselves.”

Karen sticks her tongue out at you childishly. When she does stuff like that it’s hard for you to picture her as the woman who stood up to Frank. The woman who shot an unarmed man all those years ago.

The thought suddenly strikes you that you and Foggy were the only people in your friend group that hasn’t committed murder.

You feel as though that should disturb you more than it actually does.

“Sam’s already on his bike.” Bucky’s deep chuckle snaps you out of your thoughts.

You bid him goodbye and find yourself walking with a bit more of a pep in your step. You didn’t want to think about why talking with the super soldier managed to dissipate your sour mood. You just accept it for what it was and continue walking.

“Was that a yes?” Karen coaxes whilst she loops her arm into yours, grabbing Elle as well.

Her excitement is palpable and you find yourself nodding. “You two are going to be meeting the ex-Winter Soldier, Captain America, and the Falcon.”

“Who wants to take bets on whether or not I get arrested?” Elle says it as a joke but, it opens a very real pit of anxiety in your stomach. Elektra had always been off most mainstream radars but, it was entirely possible that the Avengers know who she is.

Your blossoming mortification must show on your face because Karen swiftly elbows the brunette with a frown. “Why would you say that? No one’s getting arrested. Besides, its not as if you’re aren’t dating the best lawyer in New York City.”

Her words do little to quell the swelling storm in your gut but, you appreciate them nonetheless. Regardless, its too late to turn back when your home creeps into view, just in time for a trio of motorcycles to park in front of it.

None of the men are wearing helmets and you make a mental note to berate them later.

“That them?” Elle asks, feigning disinterest. She can pretend to not be apprehensive all she wants but, you can always tell when she’s lying. This is one of those times.

Meanwhile Karen is bouncing on the balls of her feet as if she wasn’t personally acquainted with several super humans, mutants, heroes, and villains.

Hearing your approach, Bucky turns to face you flashing an uneasy smile before opening his arms.

“Oh he’s hot as-“ You purposefully ignore the rest of Elektra’s sentence in favor of letting yourself be enveloped in James’ hug.

“Hey sweetheart. Sorry ‘bout this.” His voice is low in your ear and you have to fight the shiver that tries to run down your spine at the sound of it.

“Don’t you start apologizing.” You huff before reluctantly pulling away. “My girls are going to eat them alive.”

You wave over Karen and Elle brushing off their stunned stares as Bucky does the same.

“Bucky. This is Karen and Elle. Girls. This is Bucky.” While Elle hesitates to wave, Karen is grinning wide enough that it had you wondering if her cheeks hurt.

“Nice to meet you. I’m sorry it had to be under these conditions.” Elektra steps up when Karen blanks, shaking Bucky’s hand and nodding to the men behind him.

Captain America and the Falcon introduce themselves when James refuses to. Sam flashes you a mega watt smile that has you hiding a laugh behind a hand. Steve forgoes your offered hand and follows James’ suit, pulling you into a tight hug.

Steve’s mouth opens to say something but, is quickly cut off by Sam asking a question that makes your blood run cold.

“Hey, have we met before?” You don’t have to turn around to know he’s talking to Elle and you stiffen in Steve’s hold.

Peeling yourself away from the blond super soldier, you take your place next to Bucky and elbow him in his side.

Elektra shakes her head with a shrug. “I just have one of those faces-“

“Hey! Why don’t we head inside? I’ve gotta feed Laysa. You know how cranky she gets.” You cut in as you drag the brunet around your home and into the backyard. The back door was the only way in since Bucky nailed a few two by fours over the front door to keep it in place until he came back to fix it.

If Barnes notices your panic, he says nothing.

The back door unlocks with a click and you can hear Laysa as soon as the door opens. A smile creeps its way onto your face at the sound of mewling and, when you turn to face James, he’s wearing a matching grin.

You ask him to get her from the nursery while you get the bottle ready and he nods, motioning for the guys to follow him into your home.

“Smooth Kare.” Elle jokes when the blonde trips over the doorstep; obviously too entrance by the Falcon’s ass to pay attention to where she was walking.

“Shut up.” She hisses. “Can you blame me? I’ve never seen a group of men that good looking.”

“Karen.” You hum. “Super soldiers equal super hearing.”

Her face goes bright red and you do nothing stop the peal of laughter escaping your throat. It was a much-needed reprieve from the tension that had been tightening your muscles since stepping out of the coffee shop.

“Like Matt super hearing?” He worries, biting her lip and dutifully avoiding the office door as we pass by it.

That was a good question but, it wasn’t one you wanted the answer to anytime soon. For now you were walking the fine line of knowing heroes and vigilantes with no overlap. You wanted to keep a grasp on it for as long as you could. When lines blur, things get messy, and you had enough mess in your life as is.

“Who knows?” Elle sighs before taking a seat on your counter as you begin the process of heating up Laysa’s bottle. She seemed a bit too relaxed for a criminal who had almost been recognized and you absentmindedly wonder how long she could keep the act up. Elektra was the epitome of a strong woman but, everyone needed a place to crash. Matt was her place. Lord knows they earned each other.

The microwave beeping mixed with Karen’s hand waving in front of your face brings you back to reality.

“You okay?” She mouths as James and the others make their way into the kitchen. You wave off the question before taking the cub from James’ arms.

“That may be the coolest thing I’ve seen.” Sam grins and James rolls his eyes. “And I’ve seen a lot of cool things.”

“You do that often?” Steve’s eyes widen in fascination as Laysa eagerly latches onto the bottle. “Take in animals like that?”

“Y/N’s always looking to take work home. Before her it was the Macaws and before the Macaws it was-“ Elle trails off, snapping her fingers in frustration.

“Oh it was the Gharial baby with the nub leg.” Karen supplies while cooing over the cub. “Remember it bit Foggy and he had to get like five stitches? How’s he doing now?”

You remembered that night very well. More accurately, you remember Matt laughing his ass off when Foggy fainted at the sight of his own blood.

You loved that little reptile.

“He’s doing great now. Swims better than the rest of the clutch.” You reply, laughing when you hear Sam (not so quietly) asking Steve and Bucky if they knew what a Gharial was.

You choose to save the herpetology lesson for another time.

“Do you guys want anything to drink?” Elle asks, taking on the role of hostess while you’re indisposed and you shake your head before silently thanking her.

“I’m good, thanks. We better get started on the door.” James declines, petting the cub in your arm once more then walking out of the kitchen, toolbox in hand.

“You have fun with that Bonky. I’ll stay with the kitten.” You snort at the nickname Sam throws out and you file it into the back of your mind for later. “And Steve can’t figure out how the drill works so-“

The Captain flushes with a frown before grabbing the Falcon by the back of his collar and dragging him into the room Bucky had disappeared, leaving you alone with Elle and Karen.

Both of which were eyeing you with matching grins.

“No.” You deadpan. “Don’t even think-“

“So Bucky seems nice.” Karen voices. “Helpful too.”

“And hot.” Elle adds.

You groan.

Across the house, Bucky was diligently ignoring the probing stares of Steve and Sam wile removing the planks on the front door.

“So. How did the door break again?” Steve questions for the hundredth time since finding out about it last night. His best friend had been tight lipped about the aftermath of yesterday and, after seeing how Bucky was with you, he could understand why.

“Hand me the hammer.” He grunts while gently yanking the first piece of wood off the frame. James wasn’t sure if you’d be okay with the others knowing who your brother was so, he chose silence, much to the Falcon’s irritation.

“Doubt the ex kicked it down.” The aforementioned bird continues. “Man barely looked like he could lift a chair let alone break down a solid door.”

Bucky wants to comment that you ex wasn’t a man as much as he was a rat as you so eloquently put it yesterday. He takes the hammer from his friend’s hand and uses it to pry another set of nails out. The ex- Winter Soldier refused to leave you in a house with no front door and, after a silent staring contest that lasted all of three minutes, you caved, showing him to your basement filled with half finished projects. Apparently, you were quite the handy person yourself but never finished anything due to lack of free time.

Luckily for him, you had been meaning to replace the doorframe for some time and you already had all of the parts and pieces he needed.

“The world may never know.” Bucky grumbles with a roll of his eyes, effectively putting an end to the door questions. He had been looking forward to another quiet day, away from the pitying eyes of his team and, if he were being honest with himself, seeing you again. He didn’t have to pretend to be okay around you and you didn’t push him to talk about things he wasn’t ready to say out loud.

Laysa wasn’t a bad incentive either.

Your house had quickly become a safe place for him. Something you made sure he knew when you both said your goodbyes last night.

Steve’s phone goes off and the Captain wastes no time in opening the new text message. “Claire’s filed for a transfer. Nat just got the request.”

For a split second, Bucky pauses. For some reason, he had thought that his ex-wife would have put up a bit more of a fight for him. A part of him wished she would have put her foot down, said no to the divorce and demanded they work things out.

He would have said no but, knowing that she had given their relationship up so quickly stung. Steve and Natasha knew that he still had love for Claire and were hesitant to bring her up, while the others kept telling him how glad they were that she was gone.

Suddenly the image of you landing a punch to Claire’s cheek pushes the thought from his mind and he regains control over his body.

“Wait. Nat got the request?” Sam questions. “Isn’t that a Maria thing?”

The bird-man had a good point. Claire was a SHIELD agent and that was Maria Hill’s turf.

“As if that was going to stop her.” Steve chuckles. “Romanoff doesn’t concern herself with minor legalities.”

James couldn’t complain. This was Natalia’s way of showing she cared and he appreciated it more than she knew. He was sure hell would freeze over before Claire stepped foot in the Avengers’ Compound again.

The Captain pockets his phone once more and watches his best friend work. The way Bucky’s whole body relaxed when he saw you outside hadn’t escaped his watchful eye. Even if he had managed to miss that, the way he had opened his arms to you without a second thought sure as hell would have caught the blond’s attention.

Bucky had gotten better with people touching him but, he still avoided it as much as he could. His best friend hadn’t gone out of his way to hug someone since before the war. Steve wasn’t oblivious, he could see the hurt that lingered in the ex- Winter Soldier’s eyes and he’d seen it mirrored in your own. The moment you walked yourself into Bucky’s arms the Captain knew that there was something between the two of you; a mutual understanding of one another’s pain.

No doubt Sam was going to tease him about it later but, Steve was happy. He couldn’t pretend to know what his best friend was going through right now. He was just glad that he had you to go through it with.

Minutes pass in blissful silence and Bucky has to restrain himself from strangling Sam when he breaks it with a corny joke.

“You guys should go to the zoo. I heard they offer senior discounts.”

While Steve frowns, a grin crawls onto Bucky’s face. He stays silent for a moment as he relishes what he’s about to say next.

“You’re a little late to that train. Already made that joke yesterday.” You take the words out of James’ mouth when you enter the room with Laysa clumsily trailing behind you.

“Oh that’s cold.” The Falcon grumbles and the sheer disappointment on his face brings a chuckle out of Bucky’s chest. He turns to find you smirking at the air force veteran while rolling your eyes.

Elle passes you and grabs a remote off of the coffee table. Sam’s words from earlier come to the forefront of Bucky’s mind. Your friend does seem eerily familiar but, he just couldn’t put his finger on why. Her standoffishness reminds him of Natalia in a way but, other than that, she seemed like a completely normal woman.

After hitting a few buttons music pours out of the television, filling the silence with a low tune.

Sam, ever the conversationalist, decides to break the awkward tension. “So, do you guys work with Y/N?”

Karen shakes her head. “Oh god no. That’s too much school for me. I’m a journalist and I work at our friend’s law firm as an assistant part time. Never a dull moment there.” She finishes sarcastically and, as normal people do, Sam and Steve look towards Elektra next.

Your breath catches in your throat when she clears her throat. “I’m a personal trainer. Moved here from Greece a few years back to live with my boyfriend.”

Her answer is surprisingly normal and you applaud her for adding the personal touch.

“She’s actually dating one of my best friends, Matt. He was one of the lawyers that got our papers together.” You fill in a couple blanks to make the story more believable. “And we of course know what you guys do for a living. Saving the world must be a dangerous way to get paid.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you see Karen and Elle struggle to keep a straight face. They were no stranger to danger (Elektra being the danger most of the time) and you all knew it.

“Someone’s gotta do it.” Sam boasts with a puffed out chest.

Steve is more subtle. “We try our best to keep people safe.”

Conversation flows steadily from that point on with Sam and Karen picking up the slack from Elle and Bucky. An hour passes in what feels like seconds and you’re fearing that Karen has finally met her match when Bucky and Steve shoot to a standing position.

Its an odd sense of déjà vu when James backs away from the door to stand in front of you just as it’s kicked in once more.

There’s no cloud of dust this time and you can clearly see the form of your brother rushing in with a hand on his weapon.

“Y/N! Are you okay? I saw-“ He trails off when he sees the three men in the living room.

“Are you kidding me?!” You yell, pushing James aside then stomping your way to your brother. “Again Frankie?! Again?!”

Despite your anger, you’re relieved to see that he’s not covered head to toe in blood but, that doesn’t stop you from smacking him upside his head. “What part of you have a key don’t you get? Stop kicking down my damn door!”

Frank’s posture relaxes immediately and he shrugs sheepishly. “I saw the bikes and I thought-“

“Thought what?! That I was being murdered at noon on a Monday?” As soon as the words leave your mouth you wish you can take them back. You remember how bright the sun was shining the day your brother lost his entire family. “I’m sorry. I know you’re just looking out for me because you’re a great big brother and I love you for it. Can you just do that without busting down my poor door?”

Sam lets out a quiet what the hell at your admission. His shock warms your heart- not because your brother’s reputation proceeds himself but, because Sam’s surprise tells you that Bucky hadn’t told the Avengers about Frank. A secret that was now moot.

“Nat’s gonna freak when she finds out.” Sam chuckles behind you and, once again, déjà vu creeps up your spine.

Déjà vu that turns into a shiver when a low and feminine voice cuts through the air. “Nat already knows and she came down here to make sure you three don’t get turned into pink mist and a memory. Looks like there was no need.”

You can see a speck of red hair from behind your brother’s hulking frame. This whole situation was getting more ridiculous by the moment and you revert to your wish for a quiet day.

You could handle one Avenger. Tolerate three. But add another, your brother, Elektra, and Karen to the mix? It was too much.

“Hey danger.” She adds, bumping your brother’s shoulder with a wink. You had to hand it to the woman. She knows what she wants and she goes for it. Her blatant flirting obviously catches Frank off guard and all he can manage is a furrowed brown and wide eyes. “You don’t seem too shocked by this Barnes.”

“Not my story Natalia.” His response is simple and to the point but it still brings a smile to your face.

Shaking off your surprise, you then grab your brother by his arm and wave Natasha into your home. 

“I guess that answers our door question, Cap.” Sam chuckles.

The aforementioned Captain stares at you with wide blue eyes. You’d think for a century old man he’d have seen it all but, watching you manhandle the most gruesome vigilante in New York (ex-vigilante he reminds himself) wasn’t something he was prepared for. Steve know understood what Bucky meant when he said you were something.

“Kare- check him. Make sure he isn’t hiding any stab wounds or bullet holes from me.”

The petit blonde takes his hand with a smile before leading him away from the group. You didn’t put it past your brother to have just shoved gauze into an open wound and call it a day.

You unconsciously gravitate back to James and you don’t realize it until he lays a hand on your shoulder.

“At least I was just measuring when he kicked it down. I can have it fixed in no time.” His reassuring smile coupled with Laysa now rubbing against your leg calms your frazzled nerves. Your house hasn’t been this lively in years and, although you know you should embrace it, you were tired.

“Tweedle dee and tweedle dum. Castle isn’t the only reason I came here. We have a mission.” The redhead points to the Captain and Falcon. Both men stand at attention and you have the gnawing feeling that although Steve was the captain, Natasha was the leader. “Nice meeting you Y/N.”

You watch with a raised brow as she crosses the empty threshold once more before answering with a weak you too.

She pauses and looks up at the cracked door frame with a frown. “Barnes you’re in this one too but, finish this up first.” Steve and Same both bid their goodbyes before following the woman out. You don’t let out the breath you’ve been holding until you hear three motorcycle start up and disappear down the street.

Karen comes back out- frowning at the now empty room before she shakes her head. “He’s clean but it doesn’t look like he’s slept in days.”

You scoop Laysa up with a frown. He was having his nightmares again and it had you worried. Guilt creeps into your veins when the thought crosses your mind. Patrick hurting you might have dredged up the past for Frank which explains why he rushed in earlier.

“I’ll take him hom-“

“No. I’ll take him. You have enough on your plate right now he won’t talk to you. You know that.” Karen bites her thumb after cutting you off. You could never piece together the nature of the bond she and your brother shared but, you’re happy that it’s there nonetheless. She was right, Frank would rather die than add his own problems to your full plate.

“Thank you.” You nod solemnly and she disappears from sight. Moments later you hear the back door close and you sigh.

“That’s my cue. Matt and I have plans for tonight and I’ve gotta get ready. You know- limber up.” Elektra stands with a cat-like grin. Her words have James coughing in shock and you snort. You almost want to tell Bucky the truth but you knew telling an Avenger that your blind best friend and his girlfriend were planning on canvasing the city to fight bad guys wasn’t the best plan, so you leave him to his embarrassment then give the woman a hug.

“I’ll talk to you both later. Be careful.” Out of the corner of your eye you see a blush burn onto Barnes’ face. Maybe it was cruel to tease him like this but, no one said that cruel couldn’t be funny.

She disappears in a flash of black hair, leaving you and Bucky blissfully alone.

“That was something.” You groan before plopping onto the couch. Of the several scenarios you had run through your head of meeting Bucky’s friends- the one that just transpired wasn’t one of them.

“It could’ve been worse.” He shrugs, picking up the forgotten door in an amazing display of muscle that has your eyes lingering on his back. “I think your brother and Natalia showing up added a bit of spice.”

You slam a pillow over your face hoping that it would somehow erase the memory of the last twenty minutes from your mind. “Weren’t you born in the twenties or something? Didn’t think you could handle spice.”

The playful jab has him shaking his head with a smile.

“I’ll have you know that I’ve eaten Carolina Reaper wings before. I can handle spice just fine.”

The pillow over your face muffles the snort that leaves your throat at his defense. The mention of the infamous pepper brings up an old memory from college.

“I almost killed Foggy with Reaper wings. He didn’t know what they were and, after eating one, he rushed for anything to stop the burn. He ended up grabbing a brownie laced with Black Scorpion pepper. Immediately started throwing up.” You find the strength to remove the pillow from your head with a bright laugh. “He had to chug half a gallon of milk to stop.”

Those had been easier times. Back when the three of you had the whole world ahead of you.

“Who laces brownies with pepper?” The man across the room frowns. “That’s just wrong.”

“Hey! It was a Halloween party. Trick or Treat.”

“Remind me to never come to one of your parties then.”

You gasp in indignation ready to fire back with I’ll have you know that I used to throw great parties before you think better of it. You stopped throwing parties years ago because Patrick never hid how much he disliked parties and your friends in general.

The thought of your ex-husband douses you in cold water causing a shiver to run down your spine. Instead of answering, you run your fingers through Laysa’s soft fur to calm yourself down. Glancing at James across the room, it appears as though he lost in thought as well. The clock on the wall strikes one in the afternoon.

It has officially been twenty-four hours since you both confronted your spouses. It was a thought that was both liberating and terrifying.

“We’re going to be okay. Right?” The words escape you before you can bottle them back up and, when Bucky freezes, you wish you could take them back.

“Yeah. We’re going to be better than okay Doll. Maybe not today but, eventually.” His deep voice wavers slightly causing you to worry your lip between your teeth. You had the feeling he wasn’t normally this open with his friends and an odd mix of feelings swirl in your chest; relief, a little bit of pride, and another that you couldn’t quite put your finger on.

Regardless it’s that feeling you can’t put a finger on that has you standing up. “Natasha said you have a mission?”

“Yeah. S’gonna be a rough one if all of us have been called in.” This time there is no waver of worry in his voice. He’s firm and matter of fact in a way the reminds you of your brother and Matt. That didn’t make you fear for his safety any less.

You decide to follow the same routine as you do with your friends who like to put themselves in dangerous situations on a regular basis.

“Do you have time for a home cooked meal before you go?”

Once again the man pauses but, this time he turns to you slowly as a smile grows on his handsome face.

“Yeah sweetheart. I’d like that.

Tags: @luthien-t​ @vicmc624 @cherryblossomskye​

[theoriginalladya]

Under cut for discussion of depression and suicide and the toughest job in the world as a mother.

As a mother, especially a mother of an adult child, it’s always been challenging because there are so many moments when my natural mom instincts screamed at me to protect my child ‘at all costs.’  It’s also very strange, because I did realize that at the time when it was happening, because I ended up having a sort of mental duel between the ‘oh help him!’ and ‘let him learn on his own!’ sides.  The proverbial angel/devil on your shoulder, I guess.  It’s never easy, and I like to think I found a balance in the way I handled the situations at those times - time will only tell, right? - but I know for a fact, that no matter how difficult it was, I did something right.

I have the absolute best kid in the world, I swear.  He’s been a good kid most of the time - typical rebelliousness of a teenager, etc., but that’s to be expected - and ever since his dad left, our relationship has only grown stronger.  I really couldn’t ask for anything more, in all honesty.  Not to say we don’t have our moments, but we eventually work through/around them and get back to common ground and things move on.  Like a lot of kids, he had issues with depression when he was younger, and recently I’ve seen him spiraling back in that direction (thank you, COVID, and the stress of being a senior in college), to the point where I had to actually point it out to him the other day; certain behaviors, etc. But again, he’s started working his way back around and things are looking up. 

Or, they were.  This morning when I got up to get ready to head to work, I had a text message from him asking that I wake him up, no matter the time, because he had something ‘important’ to tell me.  Turns out, someone he knew from one of his gaming groups - someone he called a friend though they weren’t super close - committed suicide yesterday.  It’s hit kiddo HARD, and he’s struggling in figuring out how to cope.  Among his group of friends/school mates, this is the first person he’s known that has died.  

We talked for a little while and I tried to reassure him.  He’d only had about two hours of sleep at that point and I’m sure he doesn’t recall now half of what he told me, but I emphasized it was okay to be sad; that something like this can shake up anybody, doesn’t matter how close you were; that grief is one of those strange things that affects everyone differently.  He knows most of the things I was telling him - the joys of being a psych major (his words at the time, not mine) - and even as tired as he was, we managed to have a halfway decent conversation.  He then went back to sleep and I headed to work.

On the drive home, I called to check on him and see what he wanted to do about dinner, and over McDonald’s we’ve spent some time just talking - about anything he wants to, to be honest.  I am supposed to be werewolfing later tonight, but I told him if he wanted me to just sit with him and watch a movie - or not - I would. He said no thank you.  I also reiterated if he decided that he wanted to do that at any point during the evening, he was to let me know and I would leave my game for him.  He told me he would keep that in mind.  

I think the purpose of me writing this is twofold.

First of all, being a mom is TOUGH.  I want to hug him, hold him, do everything I can to let him know that he’ll be all right, that it’s okay to grieve, that tomorrow will come and things will get better again.  That said, though, I am so PROUD of him for reaching out to me with that text, asking me to wake him so he could tell me. I don’t know who this person was - they are a total stranger to me.  But they were someone who was some level of importance to my son.  When he was far younger and troubled with his own thoughts of not wanting to be around in this world, he never came to me or his father.  Teachers, thankfully, noticed and pulled us in.  But this time, he came to me.  Reached out.  It tells me that, despite the ache I have in my chest right now for him, I’ve made an impact on my son, that he knows now how to ask for help when it’s needed, that it’s okay to ask for help.  It’s one of those ‘I am so damned proud of my kid, but I am also proud of myself for hanging in there despite my own battles trying to raise him’ moments; I made a difference to him, whether he actively sees it or not.  And that means the WORLD to me.

Second, it’s an eye opener for me as well.  Not as a mom, but as a friend to someone who was in a similar situation, years ago, and where half a world distance between us was too much.  I discovered last Thursday, on Thanksgiving day here, that a very good friend of mine who fell out of contact with me right after my son was born, died not six months later.  I have suspected this for years, in all honesty, for reasons I won’t go into here, but I’ve never been able to get confirmation one way or another, so there was always that hope he might still be alive somewhere.  But on Thanksgiving, I decided to do another google search, just to see if something new was out there, and low and behold, it was.  I know without a doubt, the record I found is his.  Right place, right information, all of it.  The hardest thing to accept, though, is that he died almost 21 years ago.  He was a good friend, one who faced a lot of challenges of his own and it was a far different time back then, but I truy hope he is at peace now.  

That same day, I mentioned it to kiddo.  He found me sitting at my desk crying and was worried.  Was that part of why he reached out to me today?  I don’t know.  I’d like to think he would have reached out to me anyway, but it’s just one of those things I’ll never have an answer to.  All I know is that today his life changed, and he made some good steps forward for himself even though it’s been one heck of a challenge.  I can only hope he continues to do so.

[goodtimingz]

dreaming you would come true

intro. pt1. pt2. pt3. pt4. pt5.

AN: check the intro out^, as usual, if jae ever hunts for fic again i’ll cry. btw stream zombie!!!!!! sorry if it’s boring ;-; i have mundane relationship goals and i want to ask my future bf about psychology so if u study psych hmu lol

tags: studentlife, jae day6, fluff, college!au

: the one where you meet jae in your second year of college and it’s basically love at first sight. just little excerpts of what i think a relationship w jae would be like c: 

1.4k words

What can I do? I just like being with you.

Studying Psychology was great, when you were stressed you just pulled out your notes and cried into them. Which is exactly what you felt like doing at that moment, 10pm in the corner of the library. The library was reasonably packed, as it always was during finals. Just a bunch of students trying to cram a semesters worth of knowledge, some successful and others crying in the corner. You weren’t sure which group you fit into, but you were definitely questioning your existence in that moment.

The lanky boy from last week had been meeting you every night since you first met, an unspoken commitment but a consistent one nevertheless. Infact, he should be arriving about… now.

His ruffled hair and tired eyes met yours almost immediately. It had been only a few days but you were smiling at him like he already owned your heart, the smile he sent back making it harder to breathe.

“Yo y/n, what’s with the raccoon eyes, next time I see you are you gonna be in the trash?” No hello, just Jae as usual. You breathed out a sarcastic laugh wondering how he managed to look so casual? His grey hoodie had to be made from a very special material… boyfriend material.

“Ha. Ha, I actually might be though if I drop out and become homeless. Would you still hang out with me if I was a raccoon?” Jae rests his chin in his hands pretending to think it over.

“Well, raccoon’s are cute. I think having a raccoon friend would be pretty fun.” 

“Of course your logic is spot on, good to know I have a home if I really do drop out.”

,

Jae laughs, he wants to reach out and touch your face, brush his hands through your hair and jab you in your sides until you can’t stop laughing. He would do a lot to keep that smile on your face. 

The past few days you two had formed a routine without words, it kind of just happened. Bonding over your love for food, deep conversations and jokes, you two hit it off harder than Brian hitting Wonpil’s cup over in Music class.  Even though Jae had felt like a total simp at first, going to the library with the sole purpose of meeting you the day after the phone drop, he was pleasantly surprised when you swiped half of your stuff to one side of the desk and waved him over.

Every time you smiled at him, he reminded himself to breathe. He had to be alive if he wanted to take you out, so breathing was important even when you made it so damn hard. He wasn’t super affectionate romantically but boy did he want to be now. You plagued his thoughts, at night he craved the feeling of you in his arms, in the day he wondered what it would be like to walk around with your hand in his. At lunch his thoughts drew back to you. One week had been the best torture ever.

“Jae, what are your thoughts on labels?” You perked up from his side, interrupting his thoughts of you as he pretended to scroll through his Ebook.

“Labels? Like boyfriend and girlfriend?” He asked, turning to face you with a teasing grin.

,

“Hmm... similar concept!” You couldn’t help but smile in his direction. I mean… if you would be my boyfriend? You had to physically shake the thought out as Jae watched you with amusement in his eyes. “I mean, for my exam we have to discuss labelling in society, how would you label me?”

“I would label you a panda. You’re cute, you’re clumsy and you’re tired.”

“Jae, I am not clumsy, you can’t say that when you literally tripped up the stairs yesterday!” You pointed, laughing at the image. Had Jae called you cute just then? You tried to overlook it. Cute was something people called pets and small things, maybe he just seen you as small.

“How can you forget that you literally dropped your phone 8 times since we’ve met, and we only hang at night time in one place. You have butter fingers!” He had a point but you shot him a childish glare. So your phone had gone through some hard times, but Jae had literally dropped his when you first met so who was the real butter fingers?

“Don’t you think it’s time for a boba run?” Changing the topic was the only way you’d escape, or it’d be a roast about who was clumsier which would end in you both laughing until everyone around you hated your souls.

“Definitely what I needed to hear.”

And just like that you both packed up your stuff and exited the warm building. With Jae things were exciting even when life felt mundane. You’d catch yourself smiling through your day just thinking about him, and the frequency of that happening just kept increasing.

The night was cold, but you refused to shiver. If you did Jae would probably tease you and say, “I ain’t giving you my hood, equal rights!”. You would then shove him and then he’d shove you. Gosh, he was so childish sometimes and yet you loved it. He knew how to act, he carried himself as this chill guy who never let life get to him, but you knew it did. Sometimes you would hear a groan, a sigh, and you knew life just wasn’t going how he wanted it to. Whenever you asked him questions he would think them over thoroughly, even if his initial response was a joke.

An idle thought crossed your mind. “Jae, what time does the boba shop close?”  You both glanced  as he pulled out his phone, his eyes widening as it read 10:45pm. 

“11pm.” 15minutes till closing and a 20 minute walk? You watched as he tucked his phone away, but you did not expect him to grab your wrist and run. This meant you were literally being dragged along with him, and by the time you arrived at the store (receiving weird glances from the owner), you two were laughing your asses off out of sheer adrenaline. It felt good to run in the cold night together and despite you being out of breath, you managed to squeeze in a few chicken running jokes on the way.

“You’re so short it’s like watching a baby pig run.” Jae teased, poking your cheek and heading to the counter to order.

“Sorry we aren’t all lanky giraffes, Jae.”

“Don’t hate the player hate the game Y/n!” Jae held his hands up in defence with the cutest grin. “What game! Life?” You shoved him gently with a smile, leaning around him to pay for your drink. His hand quickly pushed yours away, tapping his card to pay.

“Hey! We’re both broke what are you doing?” You had no idea what he was thinking. Last time you heard he was complaining about having only $3.20 in his account.

Jae simply smiled in an sickly sweet way, shrugging his shoulders and walking to a seat.

,

He was broke. But he felt rich in soul. Okay, that was extremely cheesy. It’s just the way you laughed while running beside him, it made him feel so alive.

 He cared about you now, no take backs!

You planted a tiny seed in his heart and he was watering it everyday, it grew so fast and he knew it would be hard to get out. You sat across from him gazing around at the decorations of the store mindlessly and he couldn’t stop thinking about how he didn’t want to lose the image of you.

Life had been plain, last week he couldn’t even remember. It all felt the same. Study, play, sleep, eat and repeat. Everyday he was one step closer to stepping out of college, and he really tried hard to enjoy the mundane times of his life. But after a whole year of playing catch up with college work and performing, he thoroughly enjoyed the idea of finally having someone to share it with.

“Jae, you should let me dye your hair.” You looked genuinely excited and slightly evil, hands reaching over to touch Jae’s hair. “It’s kind of dead. That definitely means pink next.” Jae feigned annoyance but he won’t admit he leaned into your touch a liiiiittle.

“What in the world is going through your head to think I would trust you with such a special job. My hair is my image!” He could feel the tips of his ears giving away his chill image.

“Do we need to talk Jae? You know you’re more than your hair. You have a great personality too. I can book you in tomorrow at 9pm.” Your teasing made him reach over and scruff up your hair sending you into giggles.

“We get it Y/N, you’re gonna be a crazy psychologist though.” He laughed, hoping he could be there to see the day you graduate. 

BRO.

Jae needed a good slap. He’d fallen too hard in such a short time, maybe he was just stressed.

(It definitely wasn’t that.)

[whumpernickel]

witcher fic number two! also on ao3

still not super confident in my writing, but im a lot happier with this one than with the first.

so here, have some jaskier with the flu and geralt trying not to confront his own emotions.

It had been four hours since Jaskier had last spoken - or at least since he’d said anything more than “shit” for tripping over his own feet - and Geralt was beginning to worry.

Not worry. Geralt didn’t worry, and especially not about Jaskier who was a grown man and whose prolonged, uninterrupted silences were no one’s business but his own. But this was the first nice day after a miserable stretch of cold, dreary, drizzly ones, and Jaskier, hopeless romantic though he was, hadn’t said or sung a word about the frolicking birds or the dancing sunlight or whatever his personification of the hour was.

And Geralt was on edge – that's what he was. Anything out of the ordinary had him like this, because, more often than not, out-of-the-ordinary meant imminent peril. Silence was horribly out of the ordinary for his usually animated, usually singing, usually noisy shadow. The last full sentence he’d heard Jaskier say was, “She’s still mad at you for making us travel in the rain all day yesterday, and, frankly, I don’t blame her,” which Geralt had all but guffawed at him for, for presuming he knew Geralt’s mare better than he did.

So, when Roach headbutted Geralt once again, catching him off-guard and nearly tumbling him headlong into the rain-sodden road, Geralt eyed Jaskier expectantly, bracing for insufferable levels of I-told-you-so smugness and deepening his frown when none was forthcoming. He was surprised to find the tiniest itch of disappointment at this lack of banter, but more prevalent than that was his mounting concern. Something was obviously wrong, and there was a reason that Jaskier wasn’t telling him.

Jaskier flinched as if startled when he caught the sour look directed at him. He scowled to match it, clearly clueless as to why they were scowling at each other, but lending admirable commitment to the act, nonetheless.

"What?" he croaked.

"...You're quiet."

Somehow worse than a smug Jaskier was this halfheartedly-smug one that emerged as he responded:

"You sound disappointed-"

"I'm not."

Geralt cringed inwardly at how quickly the denial came out, but Jaskier barely glanced up at his response. He seemed more than content to take Geralt at his word, for once.

"Wonderful," he said, too cheerful, "then neither of us will mind if it remains that way."

It was an enthusiastic invitation to leave it the fuck alone, but Geralt was nothing if not contrary. He found his attention drawn to Jaskier and his unsettling Jaskier-less-ness even more, now that he knew Jaskier was avoiding it. Every little thing stole his focus: a stumble, there, when Jaskier normally would have been sure-footed on even ground; a shiver, here, when the midday sun ought to have been enough to banish any lingering morning chill.

For the thirtieth time in half-as-many minutes, Geralt's eyes darted back to his quiet travel-companion, and apparently this was just one glance too many.

Jaskier heaved a dramatic sigh and stopped in his tracks. He didn't say anything, but there was a clear and demanding What? in the hands-on-hips posture and dead-eyed annoyance he aimed at Geralt.

Geralt stopped, too. He frowned at Jaskier critically – appraisingly – and watched as Jaskier's attitude from moments before shrunk back within him, the bard’s arms folding over his chest in an attempt to maintain his image of stubborn petulance while also making himself a lesser target. It wasn't working.

Geralt hadn't been entirely oblivious to Jaskier's condition - he could never completely drown out his constant presence, however hard he tried - and so he'd been noticing (and disregarding) little things all throughout the day: the tired bowing of Jaskier's back and shoulders when he thought Geralt wasn’t looking, the uncharacteristic irritability in his normally-playful jabs, the purposeful shallow breathing in an attempt to avoid coughs that occasionally slipped past anyway, the way the pallor to his skin had worsened whenever the trail steepened or whenever their unusually-minimalist conversation had shifted to food, the stagnant scent of cold-sweat and stress underlying Jaskier's usual familiar one whenever he stepped into Geralt's personal space and the slightly elevated heat radiating off of him along with it, the shudders intermittently jolting his shoulders in spite of the warmth of the day, the bruised-looking shadows under his eyes that Geralt was sure hadn’t been so stark just a day ago.

He'd dismissed all of this in favor of basking in rare, blissful silence. But the details had continued compiling in some recess of his mind, building up into a great, nagging, restless-leg kind of feeling that he could no longer ignore.

"Are you ill?" Geralt finally asked.

"Pardon?"

Geralt waited sternly for his answer.

Jaskier rolled his eyes, then hiked his lute higher onto his shoulder and resumed their trek.

"I'm not ill," he said, the harsh crack in his voice on the word "ill" belying his stalwart conviction. "And since when would it matter?"

"It matters when we run into the beast, and I have to waste precious time and concentration saving your useless arse because you're delirious from fever."

It came out a little harsher than Geralt intended – well, no, it came out exactly as harsh as Geralt had intended, but much harsher than he wanted, and he found himself frustrated not for the first time at how often his intentions and desires so poorly aligned. Jaskier kept his attention forward, but Geralt still saw a strange look overtake his companion’s face for a brief moment, equal parts stung and calculating, before falling comfortably back on annoyance.

"Good thing I'm not feverish, then.”

"You're warm," Geralt prodded.

"It's a warm day."

"You're shivering."

"You're scary."

"You're not afraid of me."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do."

And he did. From the moment the bard’s eyes had lit up with a giddy, “Oh, fun,” after first realizing Geralt was the infamous Butcher of Blaviken, it had been clear that Geralt didn’t scare him in the slightest. It was one of the many things about Jaskier that frustrated and confused him.

Also among these things were his seemingly boundless social energy, his unflappable confidence (no matter what gaudy outfit he wore or what godsawful thing he said), and his insistence on denying that he was sick when he very clearly wasn't well.

"Jaskier."

"Geralt," Jaskier grunted in a mockery of the witcher’s tone – a surprisingly decent one, to be true, but that was mostly owing to his illness-roughened throat.

"We're stopping here."

"Hm, then I guess we're not saving and-or slaying our beast tonight, yeah? You said we couldn't make any extra stops if we wanted to make it there before nightfall."

Geralt stifled a huff of frustration.

It was true. This particular curse reversal required that they find the animal at dusk, so they were pressed for time. Geralt had said so, earlier, when Jaskier was complaining he wanted to rest because he was tired. Geralt hadn't realized, however, that "tired" was apparently the new slang for "ill and grievously stupid,” and he'd been actively trying to ignore Jaskier for... well, for as long as he'd known the bard, really, so it had taken him longer than it should have to start taking the warning signs seriously.

He felt guilty for that, now.

"We can spare ten minutes," Geralt grumbled, leaving little room for objection as he followed Roach to a decent patch of shade off the path.

Jaskier shrugged and trailed behind them. "Well, I usually require a full eight hours’ beauty sleep, but... okay."

He sat himself and his lute down gingerly against a tree, while Geralt browsed Roach's packs for whatever he could scavenge in the way of a human-grade fever-reducer and similar herbs, and Roach snuffled at the ground and ignored the both of them. When Geralt turned back around, Jaskier had shut his eyes and let his head fall back against the tree trunk, brow furrowed and lips pressed together in a taut line. It was a worrisome thing to see the usually-so-expressive human with such an actively restrained look on his face.

Geralt considered this and added another small phial to his handful before walking over. He knelt in front of Jaskier.

"Jask."

Jaskier cracked an eye open. "Yesk?" he responded, then snorted tiredly at his own half-assed attempt at humor.

Geralt didn't laugh. He reached out and pressed the back of his hand to Jaskier's forehead, briefly noting the way Jaskier recoiled, first with surprise and then with a shiver, before becoming wholly preoccupied by the intense heat beneath Jaskier’s skin.

"Your hands are freezing, Geralt!” Jaskier complained. He shuddered and hugged himself, looking three shades more miserable than before. “Gods, I’m starting to wonder if that sylvan had a damned point about your dad being a snowman..."

"You have a fever."

"Hm," was all Jaskier had to say to that. The irony of this was not lost on either of them, nor was the annoyance it elicited from one witcher, who maybe understood a little bit, now, why others found his noncommittal grunts so damned frustrating.

"And a cough."

Jaskier at least had the decency to look guilty for hiding it. The slight edge of accusation to Geralt's voice may have helped, too.

"Pain?" Geralt continued his verbal checklist of Jaskier's symptoms.

"Just a bit of a headache," he half-admitted.

Geralt hummed. He placed a waterskin and a small pouch into Jaskier’s hands.

Jaskier wrinkled his nose when he uncinched the pouch and realized it was food: dried berries and a little leftover bread from their last inn-stay. He started to push it away.

“I’m good, thanks-”

“Eat,” Geralt commanded, “You haven’t eaten. You need to eat something.”

Nausea colored Jaskier’s face a papery grey just at the idea, and the silent plea in his eyes was just pathetic enough that Geralt almost caved and took the bag away from him. But thirst and hunger were an added stress that the bard’s body didn’t need right now.

"Try," Geralt urged more gently.

Jaskier grimaced, but he tore off a piece of bread and placed it in his mouth, chewing slowly and reluctantly.

“Happy?” he spoke around the meager bite.

Geralt smiled encouragingly. This must have been the right response, as Jaskier seemed to yield to the approval, and his next bite was much less hesitant. Geralt made sure he’d drunk some water, as well, before standing to set about gathering what usable wood he could find in the immediate vicinity – not much, but he only needed enough to boil a cup of water.

It was quiet once again as Geralt worked, heating water and steeping herbs, but it was a little more comfortable and a little less foreboding this time around. Perhaps because Jaskier’s silence had a clear explanation, now, no longer the faceless monster lurking in the shadows that it had been before. He didn’t speak up again until Geralt walked back over, cup in hand.

“Oh, did you make me tea?” he quipped. “How domestic.”

“It’s an infusion.”

Jaskier traded Geralt the pouch and waterskin for the cup and stared into its steaming contents. “It looks like tea.”

Geralt gave a snort of impatience to put Roach to shame. “Drink it,” he said, before turning back around to clean up.

Behind him, Jaskier made an exaggerated gagging noise at the bitter herbs. "That is just... vile– Geralt what the devil have you given me? Are you trying to put me out of my misery? I mean, I appreciate the gesture..."

Geralt huffed out a sound that may have been amusement or may have been exasperation – even he wasn't sure.

"It's mostly catnip. Some ribleaf and melissa and a small amount of beggartick,” he answered truthfully, though he knew the plant names meant fuckall to the man.

"It's disgusting, is what it is..."

"Just drink it."

Jaskier all but pouted as he did what he was told, pulling an inordinate look of disgust for just how small of a sip he took.

Geralt sighed and mentally cursed himself for having become so soft as he went rummaging through his bags once again.

“You owe Roach,” he said, dropping a small cube of sugar into Jaskier’s cup.

Jaskier stared dumbly at the ripples in his cup while the words caught up to him. He blinked.

“Hey, I gifted those to her so she’d stop trying to chew my sleeves- I owe nothing,” he argued, but there was a warmth that had crept into his expression at the gesture, and it softened any bite his words might (but most likely wouldn’t) have had. Geralt had to pretend like he didn’t notice it for both of their sakes. Or so he told himself.

There really couldn’t have been much the small amount of sugar did for the bitter drink, but Jaskier seemed to have decided it fixed the problem just fine, and he drank the rest quickly without further complaint. By the time he was finished, Geralt had everything stowed away in Roach's saddlebags. Ten minutes had already turned into twenty, and Geralt was itching to get back on schedule.

He looked between his mare and his bard. Both seemed to have sensed Geralt’s antsiness, Roach scuffing at the dirt impatiently and Jaskier already halfway to his feet.

Part of Geralt told himself that he was only about to let Jaskier ride Roach so the ill man wouldn’t have the chance to slow them down any more than he already had, but another part of him was panicked when he saw Jaskier’s eyes widen and lose focus, and he rushed forward to grab the man as he tilted dangerously forward.

“Jaskier.”

“‘M alright,” Jaskier said, though he was clinging to Geralt’s forearms like he wasn’t so sure. “Jus’… Just stood up too fast. Just need a second...”

It was a strange contrast, the harsh heat that poured off of Jaskier and overwhelmed the space between them compared to the weak, clammy chill of his fingers on Geralt’s arms. Geralt silently willed the herbs to take effect and watched Jaskier’s eyes shift as they began registering his surroundings once again. He waited until his companion was able to support his own weight before moving, but he continued to hold onto Jaskier, anyway, as he steered him over to Roach’s flank. 

“Up.”

Jaskier frowned at him, and Geralt sighed.

“Do you doubt my horse, bard?”

“Never! Not Roach. I doubt you, no offense.”

The witcher huffed.

...Maybe just a little taken.

“Get on the horse, Jaskier.”

“Look, you were already wrong about her once today, need I remind,” Jaskier protested, even as he complied and climbed up into the saddle with Geralt’s help. “I just don’t want her mad at me next because of you.”

There it finally was, the I-told-you-so Geralt had expected from earlier. As much of a relief that it was to have that little bit of normalcy back, he still felt no small amount of irritation at being reminded that he’d managed to piss off his mare and also be wrong about it. He opened his mouth, a retort stinging at the tip of his tongue, but then he caught the softly murmured, “Thanks, old gal,” as Jaskier patted Roach’s neck, and Geralt wasn’t quite sure where that irritation fucked off to all of the sudden.

The remainder of their journey was a quiet affair. Neither of them spoke much, and Jaskier was still stifling his coughs, not for Geralt’s sake but for Roach’s, this time, as he spent most of the ride resting against her neck, drifting in and out of sleep.

It gave Geralt little room to ignore the question that had begun to itch at his temples. They were finally nearing civilization again, muddy-ash buildings cropping up gradually over the hill, and Jaskier was stirring awake from another fitful few minutes of rest, so Geralt decided to ask it.

"Why did you deny it?"

Jaskier turned his head to blink at Geralt, hair plastered against one side of his face.

"What?"

"You knew you were sick – Why lie?"

Jaskier sighed. He sat up in a wilted imitation of alertness.

"I dunno Geralt," he deadpanned, clearly knowing. "Supposing I had told you that I might be sick – Would you have let me come along, or would I still be in Dregsdon right now, while you get to have all the fun breaking curses and saving the fine folk of the kingdom and disappearing for weeks-stroke-months-stroke-years at a time?"

Jaskier’s voice sounded worse, now, despite the medicines, and there was a trembling weakness to his posture at the effort of just keeping himself upright. No, Geralt most definitely would not have let him come along.

"Hm."

“Right, that's what I thought."

The bard faced forward with an air of self-satisfaction. Under any other circumstances, it was an expression that would have grated on Geralt’s nerves like metal on stone, but the present context made it one of the most effective guilt-trips he’d ever been dragged along, and Geralt found himself floundering for something - an excuse, an explanation, a deflection.

What he came up with was:

"I would have come back.”

There was about a collective half-ounce of confidence behind these words, and they both knew it.

Jaskier rolled his eyes mightily.

“Oh, would you have?”

Geralt glanced at Jaskier, glanced away, shifted stiffly in his armor, readjusted his grip on Roach’s reins.

"...Most likely," he appended.

Jaskier’s laugh was a short and less-than-amused thing, and it caught on a coughing fit halfway out that made him see spots. He waved Geralt’s hand away when Geralt reached out to steady him, and continued to talk through the tail-end of the fit.

"Look,” he rasped, “not to go and play long-suffering wife to your sea-beguiled sailor, but there really is never knowing when you're going to leave or come back. It’s aggravating."

Geralt could read enough subtext to guess that “aggravating” really meant “disappointing and lonely,” and he couldn’t help but agree. He must have been looking as guilty as he felt, because Jaskier seemed to take pity on him, his expression lightening to something a little more reminiscent of his usual playfulness. Geralt found himself scowling preemptively at the bard’s smirk.

"The children are beginning to ask questions, Geralt."

Geralt glared.

"Think of the childr-"

"Shut up, Jaskier."

Jaskier did, but not without a snicker.

They were lucky enough that there was a hamlet not far from where the possessed waterfowl was alleged to be stalking. Daylight was near-gone by the time they made it there; Geralt would have to move fast, but he reckoned he should be able to get everything settled here and still make it in time to apprehend the beast. The inn he’d found was hardly an inn - really just some person’s home with a sign tacked onto the door declaring it to be one, but Jaskier’s eyes brightened with a glimmer of hope, anyway, when Geralt woke him outside of a building instead of halfway back into the wilderness as he’d been expecting.

“So, do we get Roach put up and head out now, or are we waiting ‘til tomorrow evening?” he asked as he climbed down from the mare in question. His body-language screamed, Dear gods, please say ‘tomorrow.’

Geralt shook his head.

“You’re not coming with me. You’re staying behind to sleep this off.”

Jaskier opened his mouth to protest, but Geralt cut him off before he could get started.

“Keep an eye on Roach while I’m gone.”

It was as close as Geralt was about to get to saying, “I promise I won’t disappear this time,” and it was by no means a guarantee that the same could be said for any future excursions, but Jaskier seemed to get the message.

“Okay,” he agreed, “but she and I are gonna talk about you while you’re gone.”

“Good. Maybe you’ll have lost your voice by the time I get back.”

[limjaeseven]

Apology

Pairing - Yoongi x Namjoon x reader

Genre - fluff, smut

Word Count - 3,788

Warnings - polyamorous relationship, sub!Yoongi, sub!Namjoon, oral sex (f receiving), pegging, Mommy kink, Mistress kink, anal sex, multiple orgasms, creampie

Summary - Its such a bummer when both your boyfriends forget your birthday.

[a/n] - This took way too long to write, but im really happy with how it came out. i hope you guys like it!

It was nice and sunny, just how you like it, perfect weather for such a good day. You woke up to an empty bed but didn't think much of it because both your boyfriends were often called in to work early. You unlocked your phone and saw a slew of 'Happy Birthday' texts from your friends and family.

The only people who hadn't wished were your two boyfriends. Not wanting to think much of it, you left it thinking they were busy. Well, you thought that till you got a call on your way to work. The boys had video called you to wish you and everyone except for Namjoon and Yoongi were there. You even got a text from Bang PDnim wishing you as he considered you family at this point. 

You entered the office feeling uneasy but as soon as you walked in, you were shocked to see your office decorated with flowers and gifts placed on your table. Your employees even got you a cake and made you cut it. Touched by their kind actions, you promised to take them out for dinner the next day.

Fortunately for you, being the CEO of your company wasn't hard because your employees were hardworking and dedicated. They worked extra hard just so you wouldn't have any extra work on your birthday and literally pushed you out of the office at 6, promising to finish all the work you had given them before leaving.

You drove back home with a smile on your face. When you got up to your apartment, you were surprised by the boys. Jin had cooked dinner for you and the boys got your favourite cake. They knew that you'd rather spend your birthday at home with your loved ones than go out and have an extravagant dinner or party. 

"Where are Joon and Yoongi?" You asked Jin. "I tried to call them but their phones were switched off. They spent the entire day in Namjoon's studio. I'm sure they'll be here soon" He said, reassuringly. You guys ate dinner and sat down to watch a movie when Hobi walked in with a big stack of gifts. 

"Open these first" He said, beaming. Jungkook got you a Rolex, Taehyung got you a jacket from Gucci, Hobi got you shoes from Balenciaga, Jin got you a bag from Louis Vuitton and Jimin got you a Versace robe.

"You guys shouldn't spend so much money on me. Also all of you have a good eye. I love these. You guys are the best!" You said. "You are like the one person who is worth spending money on and also on all our birthdays you buy us really thoughtful gifts so this is the least we can do, noona" Jungkook said, flashing his cute bunny smile.

You guys watched a movie and by the end of it, you were pretty tired. The boys sent you off to sleep, promising to clean up before leaving. After changing into pajamas, you crashed on your bed and quickly slept off.

The next morning, you woke up to an empty bed, again. You were so mad at your boyfriends for forgetting your birthday. You got dressed and left for work. When you entered your apartment after work, you saw Namjoon and Yoongi cuddling on the couch. Namjoon turned towards you as you walked in and smiled but you just ignored him. He didn't want to make a noise because Yoongi was sleeping in his arms. It was rare of you to ignore him so he assumed you had a bad day at work.

You went to your room and got dressed. Grabbing your phone and purse, you quietly left. You had a fun night with your employees. When you got home at night, Namjoon was sitting on the couch, presumably waiting for you.

"Where were you?" He asked. You didn't reply him and walked into the guest bedroom, locking the door behind you. Namjoon was confused about why you were acting this way. When he opened his phone, he checked Instagram and saw that one of his friends who worked in your company had posted a picture with you, with the caption, "Happy Birthday to the best boss ever! @y/n thank you for the wonderful dinner. We had an incredible time" 

Namjoon's jaw dropped as he realised what had just happened. He ran to the guest bedroom but you had already locked the door and refused to open in even after knocking on the door multiple times. Feeling defeated, he headed to the bedroom to see Yoongi sitting up in bed, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "What's wrong Joon?" He asked. "We really messed up, Hyung. We forgot y/n's birthday. She must be so upset that not just one but both her boyfriends forgot her birthday. I feel like the worst boyfriend ever" Namjoon said.

Yoongi got out of bed and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, "it's not only you. Even I forgot her birthday. We really need to make it up to her. I'll call Jackson and ask him to come up with an excuse so that she doesn't go to office tomorrow. Don't worry, we'll fix everything" Yoongi said, placing a kiss on his boyfriend's forehead.

The next morning, you woke up to see a text on your phone from Jackson. He was not only your assistant, but also your childhood best friend. The text read, "Good morning, boss. The workers who were supposed to renovate your office ended up coming a week early. I checked your schedule and realised you don't have any meetings or commitments today so take the day off please. We all know how hard you work. You really need a break. Don't worry, yesterday's report has already been emailed to you and today's report will be sent by 9pm sharp. If you come to office today I will personally push you out of the building. -Love, Jackson"

You decided to go out and treat yourself. You hoped the boys weren't home cause your were not in the mood to confront them. You opened the door to see a bouquet of your favourite flowers on the floor with a not because it which read, "To the most beautiful girlfriend on this planet, Good morning, love. We are so sorry for what we did. Let us make it up to you. -Love, the most horrible boyfriends for forgetting their gorgeous girlfriend's birthday"

You smiled and decided to give the boys a chance to make it up to you. You walked to the living room to see your favourite breakfast on the coffee table and a movie ready to watch on TV. The note next to the plate read "We would love to spend the day with you, but duty calls. We'll be back by lunchtime so don't you dare cook anything. Can't wait to see you!" You sat down and enjoyed breakfast. 

After you finished the movie, you headed to the bathroom to find a pack of your favourite bath salts and your Versache robe waiting for you. You took a nice long bath and slipped into some comfortable clothes. After a full week of wearing suits, wearing pajamas around the house was your favourite this to do. You were scrolling through your phone when you heard the door open. You leaned back from where you were sitting on the couch to see the boys enter the house.

"Hey love!" Namjoon said, running up to you and placing a kiss on your forehead. "Hey Joon, hey Yoongs" You said, giving them both a kiss. "We're really sorry, baby. We didn't mean to forget your birthday. We feel so bad. But here, we did get you some gifts. We hope you like them" Yoongi said, handing you a bag. "It's okay, Yoongi. I did feel bad that both my boyfriends forgot my birthday but I forgive you. I know you guys tend to forget stuff when work gets hectic" You replied. "You're the best y/n. Now open the gift!" Namjoon squealed. "How about we eat much first?" Yoongi said, taking out the take out food he had bought from your favourite restaurant. 

You guys enjoyed lunch together. Afterwards, sitting on the bed in you guys' shared bedroom, you opened your present to see two rings, two cockrings, a riding crop and your favourite, two collars. The rings were supposed to be promise rings, on from each. One collar was made of black leather with a sleek buckle and had a charm with the word 'kitten' engraved on to it where as the other was made of a brown leather with a chunky buckle and had a charm with the world 'baby' engraved on it. 

You were super excited about the collars as you were a switch while both your boyfriends were Doms. You had never gotten a chance to Dom them but you really wanted to. One thing you'd told the boys is that whenever they were ready, you would get them a collar each. You had one of your own that you wore whenever they dominated you. You didn't want to do anything they weren't comfortable with and also, you didn't want to do anything without establishing it clearly. The boys wearing their collars was a form of non verbal consent.

"Well what do you think?" Yoongi asked. "Thank you so much, both of you, I absolutely love it!" You said. "Well, anything for our lovely girlfriend" Namjoon said, smiling. "Why don't you try it on?" You recommended. The boys nod and you grab the collars and stand behind the boys. Taking the black one first, you unbuckle it before fastening it around Yoongi's neck. You shove two fingers under the collar to make sure it's not too tight after which to repeat the same with Namjoon. 

Taking a step back to look at your boyfriends, you admired the stark contrast between Yoongi's pale skin and the black collar and the smooth transition between Namjoon's tan skin and the brown leather. Running a hand down their spines, you whispered, "Are you sure about this?" Both of them nodded. "Say it" You urge them. "Yes Mistress" They answer one after the other. 

"Strip" You commanded and watched them stand up and discard their clothes swiftly. You left the room and walked to the bathroom and took of your shorts before unbuttoned the first few buttons of your shirt, pulling it so that your collarbone was exposed, showing off you brand new navy blue lace lingerie. You also put on the pair of high heeled boots on your way back. As you entered the bedroom, you saw Yoongi and Namjoon sitting on their heels on the floor with their hands on their lap and heads bent down wearing only their boxers.

A sudden sense of dominance flooded your body as you saw your boyfriends sitting the same way you sat evertime they dominated you. You cleared your throat, making them both know that you were back in the room. Their backs were facing you but you could still sense the way the flinched lightly as you made your way towards them, heels clanking loudly against the wooden floor. You circled around them once before stopping in front of Namjoon and crouching slightly. 

"Tell me, baby, why is Mommy mad?" You cooed. "Because we forgot Mommy's birthday" Namjoon answered. "And what should you say to Mistress, kitten?" You said, turning to look at Yoongi. "Sorry Mistress" He said. "You know what happens to thankless boys, right? Tell me baby" You asked Namjoon. "They get punished" You moved away from both of them and sat down on the bed. "Kitten, come here" Watching Yoongi crawl over to you on his hands and knees had you becoming wetter than you already were.

He sat back on his knees at your feet as you grabbed his cockring and snapped it into place. "Baby, on the bed, on all fours" You told Namjoon. You had Namjoon's ass facing towards your back as you sat on the edge of the bed. You quickly unbuttoned your shirt and took it off. The sound of Yoongi's moan broke the silence in the room when you slapped his nipples with the riding crop. You traced random shapes on his skin with the crop while massaging Namjoon's ass with your free hand. 

After a few more slaps on Yoongi's body, you spread your legs wide and threaded your hand in him hair, pulling him closer to your sopping cunt. He took a deep breath in as you ground your hips onto his face, savouring the smell of your arousal through your panties. Letting go of his hair, you sent a sharp slap against Namjoon's ass with the crop. The angle was a bit weird thanks to the way you were sitting but it was enough to pull out a delicious moan out of him.

"Get to work, kitten. You don't want to disappoint Mistress even more, do you?" You questioned and Yoongi immediately pulled your panties down and buried his face in your pussy. You continued delivering smacks to Namjoon's ass till you could see his tip furiously leak precum. His entire backside and thighs were red, a few bruises already forming. You decided to give him a small break and pulled Yoongi away from your pussy, the action making him whine.

"Kitten, open my cupboard. Inside is a gift I got for both of you. Go get it" You told him. While he was gone, you took off your bra, leaving you completely naked. He quickly found the stuff you asked for and came back with a big smile on his face. The "gift" you got for them was a brand new strap on with a long, thick navy blue dildo. You stood up and Yoongi helped you put it on before you stood at the edge of the bed with the riding crop still in your hand.

"Want Mistress to fuck your little throat, kitten?" He nodded furiously but groaned when you slapped him with the crop. "Use your mouth, slut" You warned. "Please mistress, please fuck my throat" He muttered. "Suck on my cock till I finish off with baby over here and then I'll fuck you properly"

You diverted your attention back to Namjoon who was struggling to keep himself up and not cum. You placed a few soft kisses on his ass before delivering the final few blows. "Mo-mommy can I c-cum?" He stuttered. "Go ahead, sweetheart. Cum for Mommy" You cooed as you grabbed his cock and gave it a few hard strokes. Namjoon immediately stumbled over the edge and came all over your hand and the bed. You held up your fingers to his lips and he happily licked of all the cum off of them. 

Yoongi meanwhile was having the time of his life sucking your cock. As you looked down at him, me gave you a cheeky wink and gagged loudly around the blue dildo. "Baby, go get a wet towel" You told Namjoon and got back to Yoongi. "You're punishment is still left, kitten. I'm just feeling nice right now and am going to fuck your throat, okay?" He nodded his head enthusiastically and opened his mouth for you. 

You threaded your fingers threw his hair again and lightly thrusted your cock into his mouth. Yoongi wrapped his lips around the dildo as your thrusts grew harsher. He gagged but you made sure to keep your thrusts shallow so that he didn't choke. Yoongi hollowed his cheeks and sucked hard, drool dripping down his chin. You finally let yourself go a little bit and pushed the cock down Yoongi's throat and held it there. He breathed through his nose as tears pricked the corners of his eyes. Just before he could tap out, you pulled out, making him gasp for air.

Namjoon had already returned from the bathroom with a rag and had cleaned himself up and was enjoying watching his hyung choke on your cock. "Come here baby. Kitten, on the bed" The boys switched positions and you took off Yoongi's cockring and snapped on one to Namjoon's member. You then grabbed your riding crop again and delivered a harsh slap to Yoongi's ass. "Count, slut. You will also thank me after every hit" You gritted. You knew Yoongi liked things rougher and harsher than Namjoon. The latter always preferred a more caring persona while the former preferd a much more strict persona. 

"One, thank you Mistress" He whimpered. Namjoon, meanwhile got to work sucking your cock diligently. If there was one thing your boyfriends loved but never wanted to admit to loving was sucking cock. You had walked in on them sucking each other off innumerable times and regardless who was getting the blowjob, both always looked equally blissed out. 

"F-five, six, thank you Mistress" Yoongi muttered after two successive blows to his thighs. Taking a moment to admire your boyfriends, you realised how submissive both of them were under you. They had had such a Dom persona since day one that you had never imagined it going so well with them as subs. Yoongi moaned as you continued punishing him and Namjoon hummed around your cock as you fucked his throat, making sure to be gentle.

"Twenty, th-thank you Mistress" Yoongi said before you threw the crop away and just like with Yoongi, you pushed your cock down Namjoon's throat as far as it would go and held it there for a moment before pulling out. "Such good boys I have. Taking their punishments so nicely and without complaint. I'm going to reward both of you for being so obedient" You praised them. Before you got to it though, you first had to deal with Yoongi's leaking cock. 

You grabbed his member from between his legs and jerked him of, rubbing your thumb over his slit. He came wordlessly and you did a quick job of cleaning him up with the towel Namjoon brought. You let both of them take a moment to catch their breaths and in the meantime grabbed a bottle of lube and your favourite leash from the bedside drawer. You clipped the leash onto Yoongi's collar and told Namjoon to get on the bed. "Lay back for me, baby" You told him. He settled back on the pillows and you settled between his legs.

Grabbing the lube, you applied a liberal amount to your fingers and tossed the bottle to Yoongi. "Come on kitten. Stretch Mistress's hole while she does the same to baby over here" You were very glad that you remembered to ordered a strap on that wrapped around your hips and waist but left your hole uncovered. Warming the lube in your hand, you slowly presses one finger to Namjoon's rim, making him whimper. 

You hissed as you felt Yoongi's fingers stretching you open and you started thrusting your fingers into Namjoon at the same pace. Once you found his prostate, he was moaning uncontrollably. He whimpered when you pulled out and seeing that, Yoongi pulled out as well. You grabbed Yoongi's leash and wrapped it around one hand and pulled it forward, signaling him to get to work. You leaned into Namjoon's chest to give him easier access as he entered you. 

Once he finished, you grabbed your cock and slowly entered Namjoon. Once you bottomed out, you pulled out almost entirely so that you were completely seated on Yoongi's cock before thrusting back in. "Stay still, kitten" You warned and you felt him push his hips forward to meet your thrusts.

You could feel both your boyfriends trying to hold themselves back and not touch you. It was almost endearing how much they wanted to be good boys for you. "You are allowed to touch me in you want to" You told them and almost immediately their hands were on you. They pinched, carresed and grabbed at every place they could reach. You felt and hand make its way down to your clit as you felt Namjoon near his orgasm. 

"Are you two close?" You asked. "Yes Mommy" Said Namjoon. "So close" Yoongi moaned and quickened the pace of his fingers in your clit. "Come for me" You commanded. Namjoon was the first one to cum, his cock untouched as he relased all over his stomach, followed by Yoongi. 

You were also a moaning mess as Yoongi came in your ass. Noticing that you hadn't come yet, Namjoon started playing with your nipples as Yoongi placed open mouthed kisses on your neck and rubbed your clit, driving you to your orgasm. You moaned loudly as waves of pleasure rolled over your neglected body.

All three of you collapsed onto the bed after cleaning each other up. Cuddling close to eachother, you were sandwiched between your boyfriends. "Was it good?" You asked both of them, your voice laced with nervousness. They were absolutely incredible Doms and you just really wanted to know if you did well and if they liked it. You would happily be a sub for the rest of your life if they asked you so.

"You were absolutely incredible, sweetheart. We definitely need to do this more often" Yoongi said. "I don't remember the last time I came without touching my cock. You were spectacularm. Hyung is right, we need to do this more often" Namjoon confessed. "I was worried if one, I hurt either of you and two, if I lived up to you guys'expectations cause I haven't done this in a long time and you both are really good Doms" You told them.

"Baby, you surpassed our expectations. I realised how incredible not being in control is" Yoongi said. "And on top of that, we should be those who should be asking if you are okay cause we were utter and sheer assholes for forgetting your birthday" Namjoon said. "I told you it's okay. I've forgiven both of you. I just want to make sure you're not doing this to make me happy and that you actually like it" You replied.

"Baby, we would never do something we are not comfortable doing. That's the first thing we promised each other when we started dating. We genuinely loved tonight" Yoongi reassured you. You placed a kiss on both of their lips. "I love you so much" You whispered. "We love you too, darling. Now it's time to sleep. We've had a long night and we need to get some rest to be able to spend the full day tomorrow with out lovely girlfriend" Namjoon whispered before cuddling you and Yoongi tighter and falling asleep in each others embrace.

[withabackpackandcamera]

September 17th, 2020

Day 4: A Late Start To A Nice, Chill Day in Fairbanks

After staying out until the early morning hours viewing the northern lights, we slept in to recuperate and regain our lost energy from a very long and productive last 24 hours. Our first stop after we were up and ready to go was The Cookie Jar, a brunch place we had found online with great reviews. And it was super yummy! We ordered the Stuffed Nolan (which is made of two cinnamon roll halves stuffed with cream cheese, grilled, and then topped with strawberries and whipped cream with syrup to add on the side) and Biscuits and Gravy with Sausage Links, Hash Browns, and a Poached Egg. The servings were quite generous and the food was amazing, especially the Stuffed Nolan… it was so good! Luckily, because there was so much of it, we took half of it home to have for later. The biscuits and gravy were delicious too! Wow, what a start to the day!

Once we had our fill, we drove out of town about 20 minutes to the North Pole, a little town in Alaska that was happily named so in the past that now attracts visitors from across the world just because of its name and association with Santa Claus. We quickly drove through town and saw the candle-cane-like street lamp posts and sign posts, the forever-hanging Christmas decorations, and the Santa-related street names in town. 

We then visited The Santa Claus House, a large gift shop stocked with everything Christmas-related. Outside the shop on the grounds was a very large Santa statue with a sled in front. On the walls outside of the house were Christmas murals. Inside were lots of gifts, Alaska souvenirs, punny shirts and sweaters, Christmas trees, and Santa Claus himself! He was a jolly old fellow and we enjoyed hearing his conversation with others and also enjoyed conversing with him about this crazy year, the typical tourist flow in the North Pole, his work history, etc. We even got to see him making short video messages for family members of customers stopping by the house! We walked through and looked at the different merchandise on display before we asked someone about the letters to Santa that were supposedly posted up somewhere in the shop. After a worker there showed us the location of the letters, Cynthia and I spent a good 15-20 minutes reading through all the different letters, from both kids and adults, sent in from around the world and routed here to Santa in North Pole, AK. It was so fun to read through some of the amusing and innocent messages written on those letters. So many heartwarming ones too! We definitely had fun reading them! And it reminded me of the good old days when Santa (i.e. my mom and dad) left me and my brother presents we didn’t ask for under the tree. Good times, good times. 

Once we bid farewell to the Santa Claus House, we made a quick detour to pick up Cynthia’s bag that we had left at The Cookie Jar before driving onward to the Morris Thompson Cultural and Visitors Center in downtown Fairbanks. We were hoping to visit the center and learn more about Fairbanks and Alaska’s history through the exhibits but we came a tad late and only a small part of the center was still open for viewing. So we made a quick visit out of it with plans to return tomorrow morning before leaving town. 

As we left the visitor center, the rain was starting to take a turn for the worse as the clouds were starting to build and drizzle was starting to come down. We made a quick stop to view the Moose Antler Arch right behind the center, as well as the Lend Lease Monument and Chena River nearby before heading back home to lay low and rest. The late night was quick to catch up to us throughout the day. Even though we had soft plans to check out different areas outside of Fairbanks today, with the weather looking the way it did and us feeling tired from the late night, we knew the smart thing to do was to rest for a few hours before dinner. 

So I took a nap and Cynthia used that time to work on a presentation she had to give as part of her upcoming interview. After a couple hours of rest, we left the BnB and drove through the small area known as Downtown Fairbanks on our way to grab dinner from Fushimi Japanese Fusion. We ordered the Third Ave Roll, Chicken Teriyaki Bento Box, and Shrimp Shumai and brought it home to enjoy in the comforts of our AirBnB. Even though we had had sushi recently, it was nice to have some good, warm food and not fast food for dinner and to enjoy it after just running around eating unhealthily yesterday. 

The night slowly crept in and before we knew it, we had reached the point in the evening where we had to commit to sleeping or chasing the auroras. Again the weather tonight was not particularly great with on and off rain throughout the area and heavy clouds. However, as I kept track of the data being posted on the websites I previously spoke of, conditions slowly started to improve, prompting me to get myself out of the warm bed I was sitting in and out to the car, all while dragging poor Cynthia out with me to see the Northern Lights one last time. 

Tonight, instead of driving to the same spot we went to last night, I drove about 50 minutes out of Fairbanks to Murphy Dome, which was labeled a mountain peak on Google Maps and was one of the many spots that many websites advised for viewing the auroras in and around Fairbanks. The drive took longer than I expected because we had to drive on a very heavily pot-holed dirt road up a mountain in complete darkness. But when we finally arrived at Murphy Dome, wow! The skies were super clear with minimal light pollution and the view of the night sky and stars was spectacular!  

The views of the sky were amazing. And there weren’t too many people in the area, not that it mattered because the area was huge. But the thing that was difficult to deal with was how windy it was. It was SO VERY WINDY. And what made matters worse was the fact that the ball head on my tripod was loose and there was no way to tighten it without the right tools. FML. So I had to make do while keeping as warm as possible in the unrelenting wind while watching what ended up being a spectacular show of northern lights. 

Unlike last night’s light show, tonight’s was way stronger and way more visible. The lights were greener, the skies were clearer, and those two conditions combined to make the perfect viewing opportunity. At first, the auroras were found streaming across the sky like one big flowing river. However, as the night went on, the activity increased significantly and changes to that stream began to happen, to the point that they appeared to be dancing across the sky like nothing I’ve had a chance to see before! It was crazy! And beautiful! And mesmerizing! The only bad things about seeing the auroras where I saw them were that 1) they were actually quite difficult to photograph given the way they looked in the sky and  2) the surroundings I was shooting in was subpar. Straight lines in the sky are hard to frame. And when you do have those straight lines, it’s much better if you frame it relative to the surrounding scene. But at the top of the mountain at Murphy Dome, there wasn’t much of a scene to frame in the foreground to make the photos look good. So I just had to capture what I could and delete whatever didn’t work out later. Oh, and it was really cool to see the Milky Way galaxy and some shooting stars above in such a pure, dark sky. It was awesome! 

After standing outside in the cold and wind for 2-3 hours and watching the northern lights peak and then start to slow down, it was finally time to go home. By this point in the night, Cynthia was long gone and fast asleep. So, similarly to last night, I called and caught up with my dad on the drive home before arriving at the AirBnB and going straight to bed around the same time as last night. Not sure if I’ll be able to get up as early as we intended on getting up tomorrow… We’ll see… because we have a very long day ahead and much ground to cover. 

5 Things I Learned/Observed Today:

1. Fairbanks is known as the “Golden Heart City”. 

2. The Dalton Highway is a Wild Wild West-type road that takes you from Fairbanks to the Arctic Circle and is supposedly a very desolate, primarily unpaved road that is used mostly by truckers for their jobs. Occasionally, tourist companies and tourists themselves venture out on this road to reach the outskirts of Alaska. If you’re ever thinking of taking a trip into the Arctic Circle via this route, you will need to be prepared for the worst case scenarios and pack and plan accordingly. 

3. The North Pole has candy-cane-striped light poles and billboard/sign poles lining streets! Also, there are a lot of streets that are named after Christmas things. The town itself is pretty small though. The main attraction is the huge Santa at the Santa Claus House, the gift shop there, and meeting Santa in real life!

4. Supposedly, the current Santa is from FL and moved to CA to do his job as Santa before landing his dream gig at the North Pole. And after chatting with him, I got to see first hand how good a fellow Santa is. No matter how hard I tried to get him to troll someone about something, he was always so nice with his words. And he made the good list this year because he was wearing his mask! Good job Santa! Even though his mask made him look a little creepy… 

5. “Thank you” in the native Athabascan language is “Enaa Baasee’”.

[sweetingly]

Stuck Like Glue

A Steve Harrington Imagine

———

Y/N’s POV:

My hands shake along with my bottom lip which was beginning to tremble as I held the white stick with a tight grip. There were two straight bolded lines creating a ‘+’ and I knew right in this moment, my life would most likely be over.

“Y/N?” A soft voice calls from outside the bathroom door. “Can we come in?”

“Um yes,” I say and my two best friends, Nancy and Jonathan, walking in seconds later.

They immediately notice my expression and rush to my side as I sat on the bathroom counter. Shaking my head in disbelief, I hold up the test so they could get a good look at the result.

“Holy shit,” They say in unison when they see the plus sign too. “Y/N, how are you going to tell-“

“That’s the thing, Nance.” I interrupt her, already knowing what she was about to ask. “We graduated less than two months ago and I’m already about to spring this on him? I mean, what if- what if...”

Knowing what I was about to say, they pull me into a group hug. Jonathan trying his best to keep me calm he whispers “it’s okay” along with giving me reassuring pats on my back.

“Whatever happens, just know that we’ll be here for you no matter what.” Nancy tells me and I nod, quiet sniffles coming from me.

After about five minutes, both of them bid their goodbyes since they needed to be over at the Jonathan’s for dinner in thirty minutes. They invited me along, thinking I could use it to get my mind off of things, especially this. However, I declined since Steve told me yesterday he’d be coming over later tonight for our weekly date night.

Hopping down from the counter, I decide to lie down until he arrived and rest for awhile. If there was anything that I needed at the moment, then it would be sleep. Which is exactly what I did when I got comfy on my bed.

———

“Y/N? Love?”

I feel several taps on my shoulder which causes me to groan and turn the other way in my bed. A low chuckle comes from the person trying to wake me up and then I feel the mattress dip down a bit.

“Love, I brought you some food and new movies to watch tonight.”

I stir around for a couple seconds before my eyes flutter open, my top bedroom light on and my curtains were shut. Finally sitting up and turning to find Steve situated on my bed with to-go bags from a diner and rented films.

“Sleeping beauty awakens from her slumber.” He singsongs, with a charming grin on his face.

A tired laugh escape from me as I run a hand through my hair, trying my best to fix my bedhead. Leaning over to me, Steve places a peck to my lips- completely ignoring the fact that I just woke up.

“I missed you,” He says while scooting closer to me.

I can’t help but blush, “It’s only been two days, doofus.”

“I know but-“ He pauses, his eyes squinting as he continues to look at me closely. “Have you been crying? Your eyes look a little puffy.”

My heart stops when I remember the events that occurred just a few hours ago. I didn’t want to tell him yet and ruin our date before it even got started.

“Yeah, I was watching a chick-flick with my sister earlier. It was super sad- had both of us sobbing horribly.” I lie with an ease, and which to my luck he believes me.

With further ado, we dig into the meal he bought. Instead of watching movies Steve decides we just listen to music from my radio on my dresser and talk. It’s rare where we’d do this and I actually enjoyed it, especially since we kept bringing up hilarious memories.

“You remember on our first day as sophomores when you got into a fight with Lisa Shawls? Shits funny since it all started because you guys had on the same outfits.” Steve throws his head back in laughter as I playfully glare at him for bringing that back up.

“Oh my gosh, I still believed that she eavesdropped on me and Nance when were shopping for it at the store. There’s no way in hell you just show up to school with the exact same shirt, pants and pair of shoes!” I exclaim, breaking into laughter with him.

My giggles die down once I notice Steve’s slowed down too as he sent a small smile in my direction.

“Is there something wrong?” I question.

“Of course not.” He says. “You know, I was just thinking about how much I appreciate having you in my life. Honestly, I’d probably be a miserable douchebag without you.”

Moving the trash out of the away I scoot over towards him, climbing onto his lap. My arms snake around his neck while his hands place themselves on my hips, his touch giving me goosebumps.

“God, you’re the absolute sweetest and best thing that has ever happened to me.” I mutter, but loud enough for him to hear and then press my lips to his.

Suddenly, I pull away and get off of him immediately when I feel my food racing back up. Making it just in time to the bathroom and I throw up whatever I had just ate for dinner.

“Hey, what happened? Where the burgers and fries too much?” Steve questions with a concerned look on his face when he came into the bathroom.

A sigh escapes from me once I was done brushing, and I hop up on the counter. I wasn’t ready to tell him, but I knew I eventually needed to at some point and it had to be now.

“Y/N, say something?” Steve says after I don’t answer his questions.

My bottom lip begins to tremble like earlier and before I know it, the waterworks start. “Steve, I’m so sorry.” Is all I’m able to say, and he rushes to stand in between my legs his arms on both sides of me.

“Sorry for what, love? You haven’t done anything.” He replies, confusedly.

“No, no- you’re going to leave me as soon as I tell you this and I can’t risk losing you.” I tell him, crying even harder.

“Y/N, come on...you’re scaring me.” His voice shakes.

Stucking in a deep breath, I say: “I’m pregnant.”

When the two words slip from my mouth, Steve’s mouth agapes. I can’t tell if he’s shocked or angry, but I sit there and wait patiently. A couple minutes pass and he still hadn’t said a word or two which caused my heart to drop.

“Please say something...” I beg, a small hiccup coming for me as tears fell.

His lips move as if he’s trying to form a sentence, but not a single sound comes out.

“Say something, anything.” I beg once more, my hands now cupping his face.

“We just graduated.” He murmurs as he steps back into the wall across from me. “I can barely find a stable job.”

“Yes, I know.” I begin and hop down from the counter to go stand in front of him. “Also, I understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore. I don’t want you going through with something that you’re not ready for.” I tell him even though at same time I hated saying it- I didn’t want to lose him.

His eyebrows furrow as he stares down at me. “Y/N, love, there’s no way in hell I’m leaving you. I committed to this relationship when I asked you out a year ago and staying with you no matter what situations we face. I’m stuck like glue- having a baby can’t get rid of me.”

By now, a wide grin happily covered my face replacing the frown that I once had. His arms wrap around my waist as he brings me in for a warming, reassuring hug. I immediately hug him back as his lips press kisses to the top of my head. After a few moments, I lift my head to make eye contact with him. With one hand on my hip still he takes his other one to cup my right cheek, his thumbs rubbing soothing patterns over it.

“I think we should start coming up with names now. Steve or Stephanie seem like good ones, yeah?” He jokes causing me to lightly laugh.

“We’ll keep them in mind, but for now let’s try to come up with some other ones.” I tease, sending a playfully wink.

“Alright, I like the sound of that.” He admits with a smile before placing his lips onto mine.

———

<3 <3

[footballerimaginess]

Happy Halloween!

If you’re still taking Halloween requests, Aguero once said that he heard noises in the hotel and he was afraid to go back to sleep so he called some of the Argentina nt boys. Maybe this gives you a lil inspiration ☺ Word Count: 708 You were working at home this morning as you were waiting for Sergio to come home. He was playing in Germany for the champions league. You weren’t able to go due to work commitments. They always got in the way, but you knew you needed to get more work done then you could take time off for European games.   Sergio walked in, looking exhausted. “Hello baby” Sergio grinned as he puts his arms around your shoulders, kissing your neck. “Hello, great game for you last night baby” you pressed your lips on his cheek. “Thank you” he grinned. “How has your day been?” he said as he noticed how much mess there was everywhere. “Hmm considering how much paperwork I have, probably can tell how busy I have been. I have a bit more too do, then I can chill with you by watching Halloween movies” you smiled. “Yes okay, sounds good. I am going for a nap. I am tired” you nodded as he gave you a kiss before he left the office. Meanwhile Sergio had a little nap, you finished your mountain of work. All you wanted to do was join him in cuddles as the workload was a little stressful. You hated being put under so much pressure but it needed to be done. - The work was all finished, many hours had passed. You walked into your bedroom to sleep a sleeping Sergio. You pressed your lips onto his head hoping he would be awake. But he was still exhausted, bless him.

“baby wake up” you whispered as you sat beside him. You stroked his hair as he sat up groggily. "You have been asleep for so long. I have finished all of my work, what shall we do now babe?" You asked him. "Shall we go and get food? Then cuddle all evening as I am super lazy now" he laughed. "Yes I suppose that sounds like a great idea babe" you headed off to get ready so you could have a quick shower also. "Ready, where you taking me?" You asked him. "Hmm only to one of the small restaurants near here. Then close the doors, do we have sweets in case trick of treaters come" you looked in the cupboard. "Yes there is sweets here babe, you can answer the door. The kids might die if Sergio Aguero opened the door" you laughed at him. - You went out and had a lovely evening, just so relaxing. No phones were used at the table and just us talking to one another. It was really nice. Then night was dragging now, the trick and treaters were here and they were so happy that Sergio kept answering the door. They were very excited by it and you could tell Sergio quite liked it. - Sergio decided he wanted to have an early night because he was still tired from the game yesterday. You headed upstairs with him, you decided you would have a shower quickly before bed. Once you had come back in, you noticed he was snoring so quietly already. You were forever amazed at how quickly he fell asleep. You wish that was you sometimes. You crawled into the bed beside him. Sergio jumped out of his skin, tapping the side of your body. "wake up" he shouted as you jumped out of your skin, falling out of bed. "what are you doing?" you shouted out. "did you not hear that?" you shook your head. "I swear I heard someone talking, it woke me up. This made me jump" you shook your head, glaring t him. "I am going to sleep. Don't you dare wake me up again. I swear you will be sleeping in the car if you do that ever again babe" you said, throwing the pillow at his head. Sergio climbed out of bed, looking out of the window. "Nobody out there babe" you put your head under the pillow, trying to drown his voice out in need of some sleep. "sorry" he mumbled as he wandered to go to sleep in the other room. He was quite freaked out by the fear of hearing voices again. He hated the thought of leaving you but he needed sleep.

[ts-2020-olympics]

EPISODE 3 - “Am I Old?” - Sarah

So far Shosha and Yujo haven’t lost any challenges, if we keep winning until the swap  i fear that the other tribes will target our people because we’re all still intact. Maybe it would be a good thing to maybe lose one? I dunno

ちくしょう 😉

FUCK the hosts for this how many hours can you put in challenge this early in the game, i'm literally fucking pissed, FUMIN love! i knew we were gonna lose from early on but i still put in the time and hours to distract myself from this bitch ass boy who curved me yesterday night, whatever. i'm just so exhausted like of the constant losing, the tribal council, ugh. i haven't been on a losing tribe like this in SO long. and i'm so.. over it. i can't stand losing and i can't stand that emma is immune right now because deciding who to vote off is going to be impossible and people are going to be coming for me so i'm like, probably most definitely gone or whatever. and that means i'm going to have to do the arena challenge and NOT have a day off which... ugh....... dont get me wrong i know that ORGs are time commitments but usually i win the premerge challenges so THIS IS NEW OKAy kdhfnsdkfndkfndf. i'm just annoyed and i'm so over my tribe... and i didn't find any advantages at the olympic village i finally remembered to search in. anyway i dont even wanna THINK about tribal rn so this is just me saying fuck this challenge and ughhh i'm so TIRED just so fatigued of everything, i'll like come back tmrw and strategize or something. *throws a rock at the cameraman* fuck this shit i'm out, give me the osake RIGHT! GOD DAMN! NOW! (alcohol for all you non duolingo-ers)

i'm kinda happy that bailey was evacuated from the game, she would have been voted out regardless and this gives our tribe better odds at survival. even if we had gone to tribal i would've been comfortable, but now i feel like it's better than i try to prove my value as a player by competing in the arena! kinda excited.

tribal three times in a row check! 😍✨💋 LMAO no one is wanting to actually talk to me about it so i’m hoping that i can still sway the votes in my favor but we’ll see! i think landen would defiantly do his best to help keep me from going, but it’s all a matter of who would we send instead. so! we’ll see! at least i can say i did my best 

So, for starters, the past round went pretty much as expected.  Kathy was the vote off from my tribe, and she lost at the arena, as well, past round I found nothing yet again at the village.   Now, right now in terms of this round, my tribe didn't win immunity, but Bailey ended up getting medically evacuated due to getting three inactivity strikes, so the tribal got cancelled for my tribe, and Beck ended up volunteering to do the arena.  So basically, just awaiting to search Olympic Village again, and hoping to goodness there is a tribe swap next round, since right now my tribe is just my alliance with Ben and Beck, which will make things rough come another loss with no swap.

yep worst case scenario happened. My tribe lost with me sitting out and Will, my one main ally, not showing up to the challenge at all!! I was hoping it could be an easy vote so i didn’t have to vote and I could get the advantage but now it seems like my tribe is ready to boot Will and if I want that advantage I need two of those other three to vote against each other! God this is gonna be hard... 

I’m in a tough predicament here. I could either A. play it safe, agree with everyone to vote will or B. try to save my ally and my advantage at the same time by getting Sarah and Eve to vote out Nik, risking my whole game. Godddd I don’t know!! aaaagh! 

it's 10am, tribal is in 10 hours, and i've had about 10 separate heart attacks throughout the morning. i don't know what to do tonight. i'm really struggling to figure out what's right. my heart says jacob, that's definitely where i'm leaning. juls is my closest ally at this point, and after the whole debacle with Billy, voting him out, then instantly starting to bond with him and all that, and apologizing, and him sticking by me even after I voted him out first, I would feel terrible voting for him again and I want us to prove to eachother we can trust eachother. but the fact he said juls' name.. if that's who he's going to go for, i simply can't prove to him i will vote with him. i'm tight with juls, she saved me even over emma, and i just really feel a bond with her. we're both the youngest in this cast, we both have lots in common, it really do feel like we're the same person at times. at the same time, my head tells me jacob is good in challenges, and will be ok in arena, but that i really don't need a 3rd person upset at me for going to the arena, and if Emma is still coming after me, she could probably use me coming for Jacob to her advantage, but I don't even know where she's voting or what she's thinking. i'm torn about this vote, and it's all the more annoying that if emma just hadn't fucked up at the last challenge, we wouldn't be here without someone to vote right now. we'd all be able to agree on emma or jacob probably, and it would just... it would still suck complete ass, but it wouldn't be as complicated as it is now. with a tribe as tiny as 5 people, going to tribal THREE times, with all the same 5 people.. it's just not something we can afford. our tribe is being torn apart and... whew, i just need the swap. give it to me rn. as of now, i'm thinking i'm going to vote jacob, and i hope i can get billy on board for that and take his mind off juls. that's where my head is at right now... tribal is making me sick to my stomach

What the f does I stan you even mean? Am I old? And I no longer hip and down with the lingo? Bogus, man...

Our first tribal is tonight... I hate to say it, but I'm voting for Will. Nobody has heard from him in days, or for the last challenge, and tonight will be a second strike if he doesn't come back for tribal. WILL I'M SORRY. I definitely would not have voted him otherwise, he did great on the other challenges and is a great personality to have around. Come back for the next season Will.. 

I am the swing vote again lol Juls got blamed for messing up last vote by Emma and Billy, which considering Juls is beloved by everyone, PERFECT But now since we lost I need to pick a side, Landen and Juls or Emma and Billy. I like Emma, Billy sketches me out. Landen is the perfect meat shield for eternity. He's a bit of a blabbermouth. I watched the tapes of the live tribal, he sold me out unknowingly in front of Billy. How am I supposed to both sides these people now!? I could get sold onto a Landen vote, but that's not being sold, so WELL, who do I screw over. I feel so bad voting out Juls, but that's a reason to vote her out too, gah. GAH. Do I pick a side and lowkey goat, or do I make my control of the tribe forefront (but not evident because everyone hates each other) Time will tell. 1 Hour until tribal, and I have no idea what to do. inb4 voted out

why the FUCK does emma have immunity? she's literally so useless and does nothing in challenges... and the fact she already turned on juls, this quick, over practically nothing? im sick to my stomach, love. i know i said that already, but you know what? I must have the flu, because my nausea is neverending with this tribe and our constant spins at tribal council. as emma once said, we're basically taking turns sending people to the hellish arena. but the twist is so complex because you can't send someone you like there, because there IS always the very real chance that they lose the challenge. going there could be a good risk if you're smart with it, but it could be a risk that puts your entire game in jeopardy and i'm a KNOWN safe player when it comes to game mechanics ^_^ the only risks i take are in emotional labor! speaking of, myself and juls have both been working very hard to keep her safe from billy and emma's focused target on her, but i don't see it happening.. Billy and em seem to be tight now and it seems like they've convinced jacob to take out juls. The really horrible thing about all this, is that if i want to save juls.... i'm likely going to have to vote billy. and that is going to be aching, because i really like the guy, and i was being 100% honest and genuine with him saying i wanted to be on his side, to prove to him i have his trust and that i will be loyal to him and want to work with him til the endgame and be his ally. but if he's going to go against juls and i have to choose between the two of them..... i mean, i can't choose billy. it would be bad. so there's 30 minutes left and i don't have a clear idea of what's happening yet and any choice i make will permanently damage a tight connection that I thought I had heading into the later game. I guess in good news, Sammy, Caeleb, and a new friend, Jordan, ALL messaged me saying good luck at tribal, and talking to me a bit about it, saying they hope I'm safe. Forming those cross tribal bonds could be crucial in surviving the next stage of the game, which, god please, is happening VERY soon... *i bind myself to the cross* Give me strength to get through this, Japan. Onegaishimasu.

So far the game is makin  me p sad, I’m super tired of going to tribal and having to send people to arena. And that Japanese challenge was so damn frustrating 

so tribal last night.... i mean, uh, i guess my power, huh? lmao........... MESS!!! IM A MESS MY GAME IS A MESS THIS WHOLE DAMN THING IS A MESS. Someone get me a MOP rn because Sonkei-Matsing tribe is STRUGGLING and it's all EMMA'S FAULT!!!!! On the other hand, I'm very grateful Emma is an idiot, because Billy got to be safe!!! So let me explain what happened in that bonkers tribal council, from MY perspective... When I heard that my closest ally Juls had her name coming up, i was like, oh HELL. NO. So I put in the WORK to get Jacob and Billy to vote for eachother. Don't get me wrong, Juls worked hella hard on this too, she is a bad ass bitch and she deserves credit. But I do believe I was a major factor in swaying their votes as well as I'd built pretty close relationships with each of them in terms of strategy. But with Billy, that relationship wasn't a tight trusting one, more of a, please, I like you a lot, let me prove to you that I can be trusted and we can work together. Let us prove that to eachother. But here's how it happened. Even though Jacob and Billy DID vote for eachother... NEITHER OF THEM TOLD ME THEY WERE VOTING FOR EACH-OTHER. BILLY LED ME TO BELIEVE HE WAS VOTING JULS THE WHOLEEEEE TIME. And initially, I was fine with it, and i was STILL going to vote Jacob off with Juls!! Thinking there was nothing I could do and she would go 3-2. But then, 5 minutes into tribal, you'll see me furiously typing... Because Jacob FINALLY told me he was going to vote for Billy (and that's on Whispering!!! #LiveTribal!!) So from my perspective.... Billy and Emma are voting Juls. Juls is voting Jacob. Jacob is voting Billy. It's 2-1-1... and if I vote for Jacob, then Jacob and Juls can't vote, and Billy and Emma have the majority to send Juls out, saving Jacob on the revote. BUT if I vote for Billy, then Billy and Juls can't vote, and now me and Jacob have the majority over Emma. That was the thought process behind my initial vote for Billy. LITTLE DID I KNOW BILLY ACTUALLY WAS VOTING WITH ME AND NOW I FEEL HORRIBLE FOR VOTING FOR HIM AND I JUST WANT TO MAKE IT UP TO HIM BUT HE DIDN'T TEXT ME WHEN HE GOT OFF AND UGH, I NEED TO MAKE THIS RIGHT!!!! Emotional labor is the most annoying thing, and I'm really bad it. I'm terrible at apologizing and owning up to things, maybe that's why I just let my friendships fall apart in real life instead of doing the actual work to save them once a problem happens. because emotional labor is fucking annoying, exhausting, and stressful! I don't got time for it! But now, I need to have time for it, because our tribes are FIVE PEOPLE strong, and at the next tribal council, if I don't get my relationship with Billy in check, I WILL be gone. It is his vote that I need to help make sure Emma's psycho ass goes home, and if he, Jacob, and Emma all think they're on the bottom... Yikes. I hope Billy understands that I was absolutely disgusted it came down to him or Juls and I thought I was doing everything I could to save an ally.. I even swayed Juls to help save him with me, when she felt uncomfortable with him. He totally screwed up by like... not telling me he was voting with me, he said in tribal people just need to be real with where they're voting, and I agree! I wish he had just followed his own advice with me, because he would still be here right now. But his screw up does not at all compare to Emma... what the FUCK was she thinking, self-voting like that...? Like, HELLO? She throws out Juls' name all round, for I don't even know WHAT reason, since they were supposedly close, but it's implied she throws out Juls' name for getting 4 crowns on the challenge... Um, YOU STUPID BITCH YOU LITERALLY ONLY GOT ONE MORE CROWN THAN HER AND BEFORE THAT DID NOTHING ON THE SLIDE PUZZLE CHALLENGE OR THE TRIBE CHANT, DESPITE US KNOWING YOU CAN PUT IN THE TIME WHEN YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT IN THE ARENA :) Headass.... Then, after doing that all round, she SELF-VOTES??? WITH IMMUNITY AROUND HER NECK??? Girl you MUST be crazy, cus this is psychotic. Headass, deadass, she is gone the next time we lose tribal, which, lbr, is probably next time because we're LIT RALLY matsing. at least caeleb thinks i'm denise though. i feel like i have the same amount of wrinkles as her, after the stress of this game like 3 rounds in. imagine how tired i am.  

Round 3's over! That's fun, innit? Glad we got rid of some dead weight in Bailey. As for friendships and alliances, I'm still slightly on edge about Darcy - I trust Beck over him. Got acquainted with Karen - they seem nice, but I'll keep an eye on them, too. Other than that, Nicole and Tommy are the people I'm mainly corresponding with. Seems like fun! :) Here's to a fun Round 4!

Okay so we won this round which is fun! Tommy went to the arena which gives me, Karen and Kevin a good chance to bond because Stoner just isn’t paying attention ever. I wonder if he has even made a confessional. Anyway, I’m going to be real annoyed if we lose and he whips out an idol. Also going to be mad if after this round there’s a swap and I’m swapfucked. I don’t think it really COULD happen to me though, because I’ve talked to at least one newbie on each of the tribes. Unless I’m stuck with Nik, Emma and Billy who have no interest in speaking to me, I think I’ll be fine. Speaking of newbies, I find myself talking to Ben a lot but I’m under the impression he talks to a lot of people. He reminds me of a lot of friendly pure men in this community like Joey, just very social and very nice! The only thing is sometimes he will say something in a conversation and I don’t necessarily know where to go with it. For example right now he’s having a full conversation with me in the village chat about pizza. I don’t know what to do with this and rather not be so vocal in the village chat. While the other newbies are increasingly hard to talk to, and sitting around all day waiting for the arena stuff is boring, Ben is a very nice person to talk to but I just wish we would talk like...about the game not what I’m eating. When it comes down to it I want to know I have an ally or two to bring to the end that might offset my immediate threat of being a winner, but not give them so much power that they win over jury votes. He seems to be showing his social side and not giving me any game info at the same time, which I have to look out for. All of the other newbies I’ve spoken to have talked game. He’s either playing a really good game by doing this or a really transparent one, I can’t tell yet. We will have to see! 

Last night proved something that I’ve been wondering about Landen for a while. He truly is a snake. I unintentionally made a really good move in keeping it mysterious on who I was voting. In order to make the vote go his way and to keep Juls, he instead changed the vote to ME and got Jacob to do the same. Sneaky mother fucker 😋 thank god Juls stayed the same though. I know for an absolute fact now that I won’t be able to trust him. As for Jacob, I do hope he comes back, because now that I know where the tribe stands I know I can get him on my side.

I don't know if I ever had such a frustrating round for challenges first duolingo and now the arena I was in the lead in front of everyone until the last clue and I lost it all I didn't get a medal. I'm so pissed, you really don't wanna @ me anytime soon because I'm at the point where I wanna go off on someone. 

Love the tribe, so happy we 5-0d the last tribal!! it was a cute moment!! hehe, we seem to be very together as a unit

So Will’s gone, well he’s at the arena but i think he died so he’s probably out for good. Now that he’s out that leaves me on the bottom of my tribe as the next to go, my only hope is getting as close to sarah as I can and crossing my fingers for a swap! Due to that triple tribal I think it’s going to happen next... hopefully! 

Ughh i keep forgetting to make confessionals until right before the round ends so im always like oh shit and then dont really know what im gonna talk about so its not good. hows things in the life of jordan pines? great thanks for asking, while i still feel on the bottom of my tirbe i definitly see a swap coming soon which i think depending on how it goes would be pretty good for me. Id ideally like to stay with most of the people ive been with plus new ones, becuse i think im seen as like an expendable numebr to caeleb and Jacob. I want them to keep thinking of me like this while I go out and start forming stronger relationships, keep bringing in those jordan pines minions, i got my sights set on billy right now, i like him but he makes me look as humble as they come and ive i could definitly turn him into a goat for me with the right coaxing. Im hoping will survives the arena cause hes for sure a number for me, but hes also a lil innactive so maybe he peaced. Im starting to build relationships with Landen who I like. I havent even looked at the all winners tribe holy shit. Karen and Stoner are gonna be my biggest obstacles as they dont necesarily love me. Im gonna try to work with Nicole for a bit if i can tbh. Thats really all im feeling right now. I think best cast scenario is people use me as a number and carry me just a little too far that I can turn shit around and fuck em over. It's definitely gonna be an uphill climb to the finish line, but the only way to do it is go step by step.

I feel like I am in a great position on my tribe! I trust Sarah and Eve a lot. Pete says he has my back so we can only hope that in the case of another tribal council, I will be safe! I’m still going to work my ass off and play my ass off to stay safe and not have to go to another tribal! This game is long and hard and I’m trying to see big picture. And within that big picture is a flashing sign that’s telling me there’s a tribe swap soon! Hopefully I’ll be able to work some magic and avoid being on a tribe with individuals that don’t like me. But overall I’m feeling pretty good after the last tribal!