#yknow i like being able to do it under a readmore that feels more personal to me

[undercoverxs]

mik09to oh man, i swear, it's like you hopped out of my brain and brought out all the stuff ive been rambling and mulling over to my friend for the past week! it's so cool to see folks with similar thoughts and observations like this, from the imeeji thing to the potential of there being more than just one alter in his system! :D

mik09to also no worries at all, sorry for the confusion! you got the orekoto thing completely correct - my bad for not clarifying!

mik09to would love to know when you think his eyes feel fake, since im super curious on other takes on it 👁 im chewing on the possibility of a third too, since im conflicted between "its just mikoto and orekoto and im overthinking the duality motif" vs "the duality motif is a red herring and meant to make you think theres only 2"; lots of thoughts on this, but im definitely rambling enough as is. sorry for blowing up your notifs!

(( no I’m so happy to be indulged!! I’ve been able to talk with friends about it too, but I feel that it’s s o nice to find people outside the bubble with these thoughts!!

And man y e ah, the duality thing seems....... I don’t know how to take it. From my understandings, it seems way more common to have far more than two in a system. But from a writer’s perspective, especially with such limited screentime, I couldn’t blame them for keeping it minimal, especially if they’re trying to be true to life in other aspects. So the duality aesthetics, calling the next song “Double,” like... are you trying to mislead us or really just doing two......... Or, could... Mikoto and Orekoto be trying to get our attention off the third..?

I have.......... way too many thoughts on the possibilities with this song. I’ll go under readmore to feel a little cleaner

So, my idea of three first came from reading the song as though everyone in the system has a section to themselves. Operating on that, I wanted to separate them by music style--

First comes the heavy metal style, and we watch the murder. Keeping in mind the voice drama, and going with the idea that “Mikoto” is the murderer, this calls the desire to link this style of music to him.

But then we get this music, and we get the pleas to look at him more closely, and just... this doesn’t really match the vibe Orekoto gave off, yknow? But, maybe it’s just an act, by him or mikoto. But-- who exactly would this act be for? And how? With every other prisoner, even if they try to put on airs, it feels more like it’s because they themselves buy into those airs, at least a little. It still reflects something genuine in them. With the nature of extractions, it doesn’t seem like it should be possible, for the songs themselves to purposefully look es/the audience in the eye and say “No, no, that isn’t true.”

I've thought about the possibility that this is still Mikoto, though-- and rather than pleading to reconsider that he’s a killer, the possibility came up that he could be.. unaware that he’s part of a system? And begging “It must be a mistake, take a good look at me”, could instead be denial to that fact? Maybe, it’s on the table for me.

Bu t back to the three person theory-- uhhh I’ll refer to this one as ‘Aokoto’ :>

So. Whoever this is, we don’t get to see their eyes the first time this scene comes up, besides the first time they open them. Hard to read from that. But sort of plays into the added theory at the end of this post--

The second time it goes back to this motif-- my girlfriend jus t pointed this out like last night I love her It follows the mirror scene, and there’s...

One-- who’s in the mirror

Two-- who’s head bows

Three...?

The one in the mirror changed expressions far too quickly, and the one closer to us isn’t making that expression; if it were his reflection, his thumb should be reflected too..?

We come back to blue, and he falls back-- This look of horror feels genuine. Again, maybe it could be Mikoto, simply unaware and being confronted with his DID-- Or could be Aokoto, being confronted with everything.

As the water goes red, if we assume it’s blood/representation of the murder, then.... Well, if Mikoto killed someone, and Orekoto was cleaning up the mess, then they both would be pretty well aware, right? So what’s this expression for?

We cut to him in the bath, washing off the blood. An air around him that reads more like Orekoto to me, but I digress-- We go back to blue.

And here.

These eyes feel fake.

I don’t know what exactly it is about it-- his eyes, expression, movement, but here, all I can read as genuine about him is desperation, to sweep it all under the rug, to convince. Maybe it’s Aokoto trying to convince himself. Maybe it’s Mikoto or Orekoto trying to convince you.

Personally, I feel like it’s Mikoto now, but that’s just personal vibes. I think Mikoto puts on the act, loosely mimicking Aokoto’s sweeter presence

then drops it, issuing a sort of warning,

and Orekoto comes in at the very end, telling us that we’re done now.

.

.

.

Maybe. I don’t know. I wish I knew a single thing about tarot cuz that might help.

But, my friends and I have been toying with the idea that Aokoto may have split off right after the murder-- An alter that’s meant to carry no stress at all, giving the body a few moments to just relax... Maybe? but that part’s not based on anything besides. there’s probably a lot of stress wrapped up in this boy.

-- Ah, I’m also leaning toward the idea that it was Aokoto who spoke for the first part of their interrogation with Es-- There could have been an act there too of course, but at times he just sounded... too genuinely confused, scared? It makes one wonder.

[marv3l-drag0ns]

dysphoria moment™️

just. URHGHH. i need to kill. i need to chop of my tits and stick em in a garbage fire and deepen my voice and cut my hair and just. stop.

im TIRED man. i know that pronoun pins are small and hard to read sometimes, and not everyone knows how to use a gender neutral "sir/maam". or even that i LIKE sir or mr instead of mx (mx feels weird to say i dont like it). but god i wish people could try.

I know my voice isnt from my chest and doesnt sound masculine. i want to work on it but i cant hear myself speak. ((and dad kind of mocked it once without meaning to and it wasn't actual mocking probably and i know i said nothing but it felt like it and it killed my confidence)). And i know that i dont have a masculine face and that all the tips to look more masculine are "be angry/grumpy" but i have to be smiley because covid mask and customer service and i cant look mean or else something Bad will happen.

and i know that im probably to rough or heavy handed sometimes in teasing or funny friend jokes but im trying to show im friendly. trying to not have to wear a mask and be awkward.

and i know i have boobs and i hate them and i dont want them and i cant do anything until june 29 i just have to make it till then. because then i can go to the doctor and have the doctor "reassure" parents that binders are safe if done responsibly and wont permanently fuck me up.

and im so scared for when (if) i actually get a binder that ill love it and never take it off and hurt myself and go through another gender crisis and i dont know if i can make it. i don't. i want to believe ill make it but it feel so hard sometimes yknow? that ill end up sad and trapped and just. hurt.

but back to the original point: i know that i dont look or act or sound masculine. and i know that my paperwork reads my deadname and that there will alwyas be some people who know me by [H****]. and that its inevitable that some customer will walk in and think theyre being nice by saying "thanks honey" or "how are you doin sweety" but it feels weird and wrong and im angry that I cant be perceived how i want to be perceived. that coworkers and teachers and other adults will mess up and say "[H****]" or "she" or any other number of thigns that feel like knives.

but i have to keep going right? I have to keep going and stay fueled by the people who say Cadmus. by all my friends and all the happy times and just how far ive come and all of my close friends and family. and even if it feels like im waiting for the shoe to constantly drop with my parents or with my boss or just. all the time. that it'll get better.

right?

[wooahaes]

Since you just finished lonely hearts club, what was your favorite part/scene/dialogue (feel free to choose whichever!) to write?

overall i think writing pining wonwoo was a pure joy for me <3 literally i just really love writing men like... hardcore pining, tbh. literally i wrote enouement so i could write some jihoonie pining for his bestie, and lonely hearts was me wanting wonwoo to pine <3

im gonna stick the rest of this under a readmore since ig its spoilery?

i think to try and get into more specifics... i think i always liked writing mc interacting with junghoon? in particular their interaction in part 4 at the diner hehe just the flat "oh my god i cannot believe this bitch--" while mc is straight up asking wonwoo out. and in that vein, wonwoo's friends hyping up him in the same part (and teasing him in the next--honestly, any part where wonwoo is "down bad" is something i enjoyed lol)

the lil tidbit about "gaming before marriage" is in my personal fave bits of dialogue from this fic. its def a lil stupid, but it still makes me happy lmao even if no one else feels the same way.

and in that same part (6): the part where wonwoo wears mc's sweater!! i always see fics where the mc wears the guys clothes and idk i just think the reverse can be cute too <3 its partially bc im a chubby gal but like. cmon i wanna see a cute guy wear MY hoodie.

also idk if anyone caught it but i liked the small detail i put in jiyoung going to the library throughout lmao its a subtle nod toward her relationship with hyunwoo!! she was 100% studying those times but like. gotta visit the bf a lil, yknow.

i think for entire parts in particular.... i think 7 is probably high up on my personal ranking. i like the entire fic, sure, but i think the slow realization and hardcore denial of mc's feelings toward wonwoo was fun to write. just the small gestures of him genuinely caring and making sure she's close to him while mc is realizing that she fell for him

i think the small part where mingyu meets junghoon (part 10) and has the "do you want your best friend to be happy? me too." is somewhere up there. i just think the friendships are important here too and both ww + mc having their best friends essentially work together to make sure their friends get their happy ending.

OOH OOH in the same part: wonwoo looking for the books.

someone actually pointed the line but: "They said falling was the best part of love. If it was, then the impact of hitting the ground was the worst." was a general line that i really fuckin loved writing. its not dialogue, but i still really like it. i think i'd maybe word it differently in another draft, but it fully gets across the feeling i wanted to so im happy with it for now.

this is getting long but sfdkjhdsf theres my lil collection of highlights!! i think theres def more stuff i enjoyed (writing mc/sunny was definitely one of them!! i loved being able to write a chubby mc who wasnt fully defined by her weight) but i can get into those later if anyones curious lmao

thank u for the ask!! <3

[enderspawn]

It's alright if u don't wanna answer this cuz this argument gets people really riled up but do you think c!Techno is a tyrant or nah?

Cuz many c!techno apologists argue that he isn't just cuz he's an anarchist but I've also read a lot of essays that go against it and it'd be really interesting to see ur opinion on this

i think he, in some contexts, can most definitely be called tyrannical, yes. a tyrant? no.

to avoid spamming ppl w discourse we've all def heard before (and bc this ended up MASSIVE (like 2.3k ish), but fairly in depth bc i didnt wanna speak out of bad faith and wanted to be EXPLICTLY clear-- oops), the rest will be under readmore

so heres the thing i want to preface: i used to really LOVE c!techno. i joined beginning of s2, right when exile started, and he was arguably my favorite character. since then though i've fallen out with him a LOT, to the point i almost... actively despite him at times (though mainly in a toxic kind of way which i can acknowledge is flawed).

in short, his actions started to speak louder than his words and i lost investment in his personal character struggles because of the actions he took (doomsday was my breaking point. i get feeling angry and betrayed, as well as seeking revenge against lmanberg, but his actions went too far for me to CARE and it hurt so many more characters as well.)

so when i speak, i come from a place of disliking him but also somewhat understanding the position c!techno apologists come from: i used to be one of them myself.

NOW, do i think he's a tyrant? no. for reference in my analysis, i try to look up the definition of terms to make sure they are utilized properly. while "tyranny" and "tyrannical" can have multiple uses, tyrant itself is a more specific term. to combine the top two definitions, a tyrant is referring to "an extremely oppressive, unjust, or cruel absolute ruler (who governs without restrictions, especially one who seized power illegally.)"

techno's position as an anarchist, imo, DOES indeed make him unable to be a tyrant. tyrants are rulers with very clear power over others from a structural way. anarchists are about the lack of structure or power over others and instead viewing the people around you as equals in power.

in forming the syndicate, they very explicitly worked to not designate a leader and instead make it so that no one would have any power over the others systemically. techno may have taken a integral role, yes, but it doesn't make him suddenly "the leader", its a role that wouldve had to be filled by someone (even if it was democratic to decide who to invite, they'd need someone to hand over the invite itself yknow? like no matter WHAT there needed to be A ROLE)

one could argue that he IS a leader in the shadow hierarchy of the syndicate (which, yes, is a real and professional term used in management courses despite sounding like it comes from a 4kids yugioh dub) in that everyone CONSIDERS and looks to him a leader without him having any actual structural basis behind it, but to argue that allows him to be a tyrant is in bad faith i believe. especially because to the people he would be "ruling", he ISNT oppressive, unjust, or cruel. they are his friends and support network and critical for a lot of his personal development (since feelings of betrayal and trust issues are critical to his character and why he acts the way he does). I wish we were able to SEE this develop more, but oh well.

but like i said: tyrant is fairly specific in definition. TYRANNY, and thus TYRANNICAL are not as limited. I've discussed their definitions here. originally, i made that post because i was angry at a take i had seen that claimed that, like you said, because techno was an anarchist and not part of any government or leadership position, he couldn't be tyrannical. to which i heartily disagree.

for something to be tyrannical, they simply must have an overarching/oppressive power over someone or something. it would not be inaccurate if i were to say that something is "under the tyranny" of a concept, because what it means is that something is under the power of another thing/concept. you can frankly call anything tyranny if it is widespread/overarching and you don't like it. mask mandates? tyranny, its forcing me to act in "rigorous condition". hell, theres even such things as tyranny of the majority in which people agree too much on one thing and it gives them unfair power or tyranny of the minority where people with minority opinions have too much power (thats a very grossly oversimplified definition of both, but it covers the base idea well enough for my point)

the point im making above isnt meant to be taken as "anything can be worked to be defined as tyranny thus it is a meaningless claim", it is that tyranny (and again, thus tyrannical) are very open and nonrestrictive terms.

to make it easier to define, alongside the definitions provided i want to add an explicit clause that is (imo) implied in the original definition: tyranny is... well, bad. that is to say if someone has power over a group but literally everyone is fine with it and agrees to it, its not tyranny. thats just a group of people getting along and one happens to have power over another. a leader does NOT equal a tyrant (as discussed above), so leadership should not be equated with tyranny.

thus as an example: wilbur acting as president (before the election) may have been "unelected" with power over his citizens, but no one was upset with that power. thus, he is not a tyrant and not acting tyrannically (as well as the fact his power was, arguably, NOT rigourous or absolute but thats another topic for another time). SCHLATT however IS a tyrant, as his power was absolute (he did not consult his cabinet) and forced people to comply instead of them complying willingly, thus he was acting tyrannically.

now to finally get to the damn point of this essay: where does c!techno lie? honest answer? it depends slightly on your perspective, but it depends a LOT on the future of the syndicate.

techno is incredibly clear in his goals: no governments, no corruption. in fighting with pogtopia, he is actively working to topple a tyranny-- he isn't tyrannical for doing that.

when he strikes out on nov 16th, it is because he opposes them forming a new government. when they oppose him and disagree, he launches an attack against them. is this tyranny? maybe, but probably not. he IS trying to impose his own physical strength and power (as well as his resources) over the others to stop them from doing what HE doesn't want them to do.

however its more nuanced than that:

1. hes lashing out emotionally as well as politically. he feels betrayed by those he trusted and he believed that they would destroy the government then go (i'm ignoring any debates on if he did or did not know that they planned another government, though it is a source of debate). but typically idk about you but i dont call tyranny for someone fighting with another person.

2. he also may be acting with good intent again, in HIS EYES. if tubbo was part of manburg, whos to say he wont be just as bad? he, in his pov, is likely trying to stop another tyrant before they rise.

3. and finally, and tbh the most damning from any perspective: he gives up. he quickly leaves then RETIRES without intent to try and attack again until he is later provoked. tyranny is defined by it not just being power, but power being USED. if he doesn't use his power to try and impose any will, then he's not tyrannical.

Doomsday I am also not going to touch very in depth on for much of the same reasons. My answer is again a "maybe", depending on the weight you personally place on each issue:

1. he's lashing out as revenge for the butcher army and as revenge against tommy for "betraying" him (though this one we explicitly know he was ignoring the fact tommy did not want to go through with it, however he still did trust and respect tommy regardless so his feelings are understandable anyway)

2. he sees new lmanberg as corrupt and tyrannical (which is undeniable: house arrest for noncompliance, exile without counsel, execution without trial, etc), and thus obligated to destroy it

but also, theres the implicit understanding he's doing this to send a message: do not form a government, or else. its a display of force that also works to warn others unless they want a similar fate. phil even explicitly states that he is doing so to send that message, so one could assume techno is doing the same alongside his personal reasoning listed above.

what i just described is the use of a oppressive and harsh (physical) power in order to gain compliance from people (that compliance being 'not making a government'). does that sound familiar? exactly. it follows the definition(s) of tyranny given previously. technoblade is acting in a way that is, by very definition, tyrannical.

so the debate shifts: is he valid in doing so because he is trying to PREVENT corruption and tyranny. like i said, new lmanberg was undeniably corrupt at points. i held nothing against techno for trying to topple manburg, so does that apply to new lmanberg as well? short answer: i dont know. it depends on your specific opinion of what is acceptable. its like the paradox of tolerance: to have a truly tolerant society, you have to be intolerant of intolerance. to have a truly non-tyrannical society, do you need to have a tyranny enforcing it?

personally (and bc im a lmanberg loyalist /hj) i say it is. regardless of the corruption of new lmanberg, they are also giving a threat to EVERYONE. even those who are innocent, they are presented with the exact same threat and rule set: if you make a government, you will be destroyed.

(which, small divergence here, is part of why debating c!techno is so frustrating. so many times you end up hitting a "well it depends on your political views" situation and there ISNT a correct answer there. im here to analyze characters for fun, not debate political theory)

so: the syndicate then. this is where this debate really "took off" and i think its due to one very specific miscommunication about its goals and plans. the syndicate, upon formation, declares itself to stand against corruption and tyranny. when they are found, the syndicate would work to destroy it. so heres the golden question: what do THEY define as corruption and tyranny? if you were to go off c!techno's previous statements, seemingly "any government" is a valid answer. however, he also states he's fine with people just being in groups together hanging together.

what then DEFINES A GOVERNMENT for them? what lines do they have to sort out what does "deserve to be destroyed" and what does "deserve to exist freely"

this is a hypothetical i like to post when it comes to syndicate discourse:

i have a group of people. lets say 5 or so for example. they all live together and build together. any decisions made that would impact the entire group they make together and they must have a unanimous agreement in order to proceed, but otherwise they are free to be their own people and do their own thing. when you ask them, they tell you they are their own nation and they have a very clearly defined government: they are a direct democracy. does the syndicate have an obligation to attack?

there is absolutely no hierarchy present. there is no corruption present. but, they ARE indeed a government. is that then inherently negative? my answer is fuck no (see the whole "difference between a tyrant and a leader" thing above).

but THATS where the issue of this discourse LIES. in some people's eyes, the answer to that is YES. techno's made it clear "no government" is his personal view, but does that spread to the syndicate as a whole? do they act preemptively in case it DOES become corrupt? is it inherently corrupt because its a government, regardless of how it is ruled? the fact of the matter is because of how little we've seen the syndicate work as a SYNDICATE, we don't know that answer. so we're left to debate and speculate HOW they would act.

if the syndicate were to let that government exist, then they are not tyrannical. they are showing that they are working to stop tyranny and corruption, just like in pogtopia again.

if the syndicate were to destroy/attack that government, then they are tyrannical. simple as that. they are enforcing a rule of their own creation without any nuance or flexibility under the threat of absolute destruction.

miscommunication in debates comes, in my opinion, in the above. of course theres more points of nuance. for example:

would the syndicate allow a government like i had described with early lmanberg, where there is an established hierarchy but everyone in the country consents to said leadership? on one hand, there is no tyranny or corruption present which is what they are trying to work against. on the other hand, theres more a possibility of it occuring. perhaps they'd find a middle road between the two binary options of "leave or destroy" i am presenting, such as checking in occasionally to ensure no corruption occurs.

but if they were to destroy it without, for lack of a better word, "giving it a chance" they would be, in my opinion, tyrannical. they would be going aginst their words of opposing corruption and instead abusing their power to gain compliance.

your/others opinions may differ, again it depends on if you see it as worth it to possibly stop future tyranny or if a hierarchy is INHERENTLY a negative thing.

part of the reason so many blog gave up this debate, beyond not getting very clear answers for the syndicate, is because of the nuance present. there. is. no. right. answer. every single person will view it differently, because there is no universally agreed upon truth of right or wrong here. BUT, i hope this helps shed some light on the discussion and my thoughts on it

[especdreamy]

do u have any ideas about what ppl’s daemons would be? I saw u mention tommy with clementine who hasn’t settled but maybe tubbo’s daemon is called benson? not sure whether it would make sense for benson to be a duck though. i’m a little bit of a tubbo bee motif enjoyer for the way it relates to his vibes with the nukes (although pretend bees are as big as they are in mc canon maybe akdjs)

THIS GOT SO LONG IM PUTTING IT UNDER A READMORE

See heres the thing while cTubbo bee symbolism enjoyers are very cool I don't know if Bee is something I'd give him as a Daemon. Also not sure abt the name benson either I just have to try give thought + search names and all that so I can make a good decision. Tbh I'm very fond of Sheep c!Tubbo idk I just like Sheep so I'm just gonna throw a very loose shot and say he would have a Valais Blacknose as his daemon? It'd be pretty cool. Also this au idea is not at all very original so like people can make their own aus with bee ctubbo yknow.

I lly need to look in just overall animal symbolism and all that to be certain of soem characters, rn it's all just like. A Hunch. Also got no idea abt names either but...I'll look into it.

Idk why but cWilbur makes me think of Badgers a bit. And they represent Independence which is basically his whole goal with Lmanburg. c!Wil with a badger seems pretty good..

c!Dream is just. Snake. Snakes have a whole meaning between life and death and rebith because of the popular alchemic symbol of ouroboros. And even further than symbolism, snakes are always given that cold, calculating personality.

c!Techno is a bit tricky, since most people design him as a piglin and i feel itd be a bit odd to have him have a daemon. A possibility is that in this au he's a human with a Boar daemon, it's cool but also I like pig techno more... So instead I think I would go another route, which is how the Armored Bears are: their equivalent of a Daemon is their armors that they themselves forge with Sky-iron. Maybe for Piglins they instead forge a weapon with Netherite, which is where they pour their whole soul into. If your weapon gets taken from you it's not a deathly feeling (or maybe even death depending on how separated they are from u...) as with Daemons but instead the piglin ends up feeling empty, depressed, at least until they are able to get their weapon back. So yeah I like this idea for cTechno a bit more.

c!Ranboo. Listen I would give him a Cat. Just for the funnies. But I'm also not sure how it'd work for him since he's not Rlly Human either. I'd have to think A Lot on how this concept would work with endermen - I got the feel like they wouldn't really have an equivalent of a daemon to begin with? Unless they reach a different level of consciousness beyond them being a mob (like most endermen are...) if I were to toy with the idea of him actually having one...maybe I'd go for a weasel. Idk.

And like. Bruh. What else. I already kinda burnt myself out trying to put so much thought but if anyone in here wants to play with the idea theyre very welcome I' dlove to see everyone's thoughts on it specially because assigning animals to certain characters is a very analysis-heavy thing and I'm not that good at dsmp analysis.

[briandthemoon]

~ Uploading this WIP here too! ~ {You can see both on my deviantArt too [same username], but with some of the original ideas and thoughts.} So uh, I did what I do best and shoved two things I love and have been hyperfocusing on for the last month together: Sanders Sides and RWBY.

I’ve been binging @thatsthat24 ‘s Sanders Sides videos and fan comics for the last month or so and by god, it’s really lifted my mood. I’m gonna work to get them all lined and coloured soon, but since I’ll be travelling in the next week, I’ll likely have paper sketches and such to upload if I’m lucky.

As for this AU, say hello to Team RNBO [Rainbow]! This is what I have so far in terms of character information; [putting it under a readmore, please do have a look!]

Roman De La Rosa:

- Semblance:  "Picture This" - the ability to conjure an item proportional to the positive emotions he alone is feeling. So the happier and more creative he feels, the better.

- Weapons: “Armas Y Rosas“, a gauntlet-gun [armas] and a rosen rapier sword [rosas]. It’s literally just a Guns N Roses joke.

Virgil Nightshade:

- Black Cat Faunus. I didn’t realise til too late how similar to Blake he is but honestly, idc, I love him.

- Semblance:  "Panic Room" - the ability to conjure a small isolated, soundproof space to trap someone in. Including himself in times of distress.

- Weapons: “Atropa”  and “Solanum”, two knives with dust vials that attach to the end to infuse the metal. He usually uses Gravity Dust because 1) aesthetic and 2) if you have gravity defying Dust? Thats a cool escape my guy.

Logan Blu-Berrie:

- Semblance: “Blu-Screen of Death” -   the ability to perform computer-esque functions via summons, i.e. attacking someone with a text box he just conjured, or browsing data and memories on a summoned screen for accuracy.

- Weapon: “Crofter”, a staff-spear that uses projection similar to Velvet’s weapon to form blades when needed. I.E. turning the staff into an axe or hammer or even forming a fishing line. [Looking at this whole thing, Logan wound up giving me big Scottish vibes in this AU and I’m SO for it.]

Patton Opal:

- Labrador Faunus, best boy 1000/10, didn’t have to re-work his design at all, what a madlad

- Semblance:  "New Trick" - the ability to mark a person and be able to find them via a boosted scent marker. So far Roman smells like strawberries and creme, Virgil smells like smokey wood, and Logan smells like jam. And yes, Patton has tried tracking himself. He smells of vanilla cookies.

Weapon: “Storge”, a shield - axe combo. Mostly used in the shield position unless he’s forced to be active in a fight. Tried to give this weapon BIG Rose Quartz Shield Vibes.

Remus Pepinillo:

- for those wondering, he threw out the De La Rosa name when he left the family to go eat deoderants without judgement. And to go cause havoc.

- Semblance: “Can’t Be Unseen” - Similar to Roman’s semblance, Remus can conjure items but instead based upon other people’s negative emotions directed at him. So things like disgust and fear directed at him make him stronger. 

- Weapon: “Asqueroso”, a mace that can be wielded in pole form or as a chain flail. The name literally is just the spanish for “Disgusting”.

“Deceit“:

- Python faunus. Pretty obvious there. As for a name, I’ll work with whatever becomes canon, tbh. His hat snake isn’t real, it’s just a design, but he has named his hat “Monty”.

- Semblance: “Trust in Me” - Deceit can mimic someone else’s voice to the point of being hypnotic in some cases.

- Weapon: “Kaa”, a microphone that can amplify sounds to use as ammo, or can be combined with dust vials for other effects, such as fire breathing or ice breath. This is absolutely where Virgil got the idea for his knives. 

~~ Little Things In Their Designs Collectively~~

- So mostly Roman and Virgil had a revamp and got added or changed details. I’m personally loving the rose decals for Roman, and the fact that Virgil has to keep sewing his hoodie pocket sides back up because he keeps knee-jerk whipping out his knives and catching them on the sides. Also freckles. I cannot stress enough how much I needed to give one of these cute lil guys freckles.

- Logan and Patton really didn’t change much; Patton came out perfect the first time, and Logan just needed some proportion adjustments. Later I went and added friendship bracelets to each design because I do not believe for a second that Patton wouldn’t make them team bracelets. The card suit beads was just an addition that I added because I am the artist and none of you can stop me from adding the tiniest of references to Homestuck Quadrants. 

- For Roman and Remus, I wanted them to have similar poses but good god, it was still hard to draw Remus’s hands. They look so good in the end though so I’m good with ‘em. I also might give him a little top hat or something at some point and see how it looks, I dunno.

- As for Deceit, I had a bit of trouble trying to pin down his design at first, but once I rolled with the allusions to Kaa from Jungle Book, it went far easier. I quite like that I added the poisonous needles in the bottom of his boots as a “sting in the tail” kind of thing.

- Talking about inspirations and such, Roman, Virgil, and Patton are pretty much just colour based; Roman being red roses [his name literally being Roman of the Rose] as a symbol of romance of course, with Virgil’s whole motif being Edgey and thus going with nightshade purple as his colour, and finally with Patton, his name took me the longest to work out, but Opal seemed to fit really well, and considering it represents Love and Loyalty? Come on, I had to.

- As for Logan, Deceit, and Remus, they all got more story links worked in somehow without me really realising. Logan was really unexpected, but between the Crofters’ Jam link and the blue colours, he gave me sort of Little Boy Blue vibes, and also via the name Logan being Scottish in origin and yknow, everythign else I mentioned? Yeah. I will definitely be adding celtic flair to his design when its coloured. Deceit is more obvious; Kaa was a good choice in influence that I noticed halfway through and just buckled down on. For Remus, he bounced around a bit between Maleficent and Dr Facilier, but in the end, I figured the Shadow Man was a better fit. Also his surname is literally just the Spanish for “Pickle” or “Gherkin”. 

- Final info, if people are wondering, they’d all be centred on Huntsman training at Beacon, but in terms of where they’re from;

Roman and Remus would be from Atlas, obviously. That place spits out rich kids with issues like it’s quickfire Uno.

Virgil would be from Mantle; it’s pretty obviously one of the more run down and hard to live in areas, plus that’d set up the in this universe initial animosity between Roman and Virgil.

Logan is from Vale, so he’s a Beacon native. I considered him being from Atlas because of their tech. However, Vale won me over with Logan’s european influences and such.

Patton would be from Vacuo. I know its a weird choice, but hey, it’s full of faunus and it just fit a bit better than Menagerie or Mistral.

Speaking of, Deceit is 100% Menagerie born, but Mistral bred. He often tells people different conflicting origin stories, and won’t even tell his name to ex-buddy Virgil or ‘best buddy’ Remus.

I think that’s everything so far!!

I dunno if everyone else is as hype to see what comes of all this as I am, but either way I’m going to have fun doing it. <3

_______ PLEASE DO NOT: - repost my art at all - you are not permitted to line or colour this art - you are not permitted to use this art as an icon or profile pic - do not steal these designs, I put a lot of work into them ;; _______ Sanders Sides (c) @thatsthat24 RWBY (c) Monty Oum & Rooster Teeth The sketches belong to me.

[transdonaldduck]

*KICKS IN UR DOOR* I would love to hear more about ur tmnt universe stuff

okay!!! you dont gatta ask me twice. I drew these last night at 3 am and lost steam halfway through and gave up on donatello bc i wasn’t happy with any of my sketches and that’s that! forewarning: im edgy so this is edgy

the rest is under the readmore

The setting: It’s new york babey! We’re following our protagonist April O’Neil, 17 years old, as she navigates the confusing waters of high school, first jobs, and accidentally stumbling upon a mutant underworld. This samples a lot from rotmnt and 2012 bc i have no creativity

characters i’ve thought out

Irma- 18, senior, about to go to college to major in Architecture. She’s aloof but she actually cares about people deep down, she just doesn’t like to show it. She’s trying to let her natural hair color grow out from the years she dyed it black. She likes documentaries, chess, hanging out at graveyeards, and writing horror short stories. Seems sorta doom n gloom but is more apathetic than negative. She’s the president of the journalism club (who runs the school newspaper and morning news segment.) She’s looking for someone to take over the club after she’s gone, and has the perfect candidate in mind… if only April had the skill to match her enthusiasm.

April O’Neil- 17, junior, and aspiring journalist and reporter. She’s upbeat, determined, confident, and a real bright spot ot the people that know her. Her favorite things to do are listen to music, sing, take pictures, and take walks in the sun. She’s a go-getting, very self driver to acheive her goals, and her ultimate goal is to be the greatest reporter that has ever lived. Unfortunately, april doesn’t have the knack for reporting, and every piece she’s submitted to her schools newpaper has been fluff pieces… Irma tasks her with writing a front page headliner for the paper so she feels confident passing the club onto her, and in Aprils attempt to come up with the greatest story ever, she sutmbles upon a gang war and 4 mutant turtles…

Casey Jones- 18, Junior, and barely passing. Casey’s the kind of boy no one really expects anything of, so he doesn’t bother trying bc at least then he won’t fail. April inspires him to be better. He likes bad jokes, terrible coffee, and hockey- he’s hoping that April will tutor him enough to be able to bring his grades up enough to be allowed back on the school’s team. He seems sorta prickly and rude at first, but he’s just got a spiky outer shell and he’s really sweet inside. He loves horror movies and extreme sports competitons. He makes a point to walk april home whenever she stays late working on school stuff,

turtle time

the setting: They still live in the sewers, Splinter is still their dad but he’s very old when he gets the turtles, making him even older now. He does a lot of meditating and watching tv and doing crosswords, yknow old people stuff. He relies a lot on Leo to be the head of the house now that he’s old enough. He still trains the boys to learn martial arts bc he thinks it’s important they can defend themselves, considering what they are. He can kick ass when he needs to, tho

leo- 19, red ear slider, silent and stoic leader, raised as a child to be responisble for his brothers. He’s pretty socially awkward and weird bc he was divided from his brothers at a young age and didn’t get a lot of chances to grow and play with other kids his age. He doesn’t do much outside of train, study, and chores, and April is appaled by the fact that he doesn’t have like, ANY hobbies. she takes it upon herself as a personal mission to find something for him to do. He doesnt know the meaning of the word fun, but he tries not to always be a stick in the mud (mostly by removing himself from the fun situation in a misguided attempt to make everyone happier…)

raph- 18, Snapping turtle, and he’s got a short fuse and a big appetite. He’s a bit resentful of his families situation stuck in the sewers and darkness, and he hates being looked down upon. He’s only rebellious bc of how confined and trapped he feels, and though he can act like a grump and lash out he has a heart of gold. He likes wood carving, it’s actually how he made his little sun pendant he wears, it’s something to remind him the sun will rise soon and he’ll be there to see it.

donatello- 17, softshell turtle, bookworm and tech wizard. he likes to read for fun and he’s super into mechanics and computers. smarter than his brothers but thinks WAY too much, often holes up in his lab for hours trying to work out some particularly tough programming problem and will only come out for tea or pizza. he can be snooty/superior in situations where his intellect can be flashed. the worst ninja of the bunch (he thinks more with his head than with his body and never practices)

mikey- 15, box turtle, goofy gooey heartfelt younger brother. He cant draw for shit but still tries because he thinks it’s fun. He’s good at writing and poetry, he likes words and keeps a daily diary he writes in every day. He also keeps a dream journal and a log on all the tunnels in the sewers they’ve explored. He like to keep notes. Comic books are his favorite reading material but he’s picky about the art styles he enjoys, and he is very naturally talented with anything physical. good at easing tension but has 0 common sense, just a round angel

Leo is the shortest and lightest, agile and quick. Mikey is second shortest but he’s fat, which doesn’t detract from his natural flexibility. Raph is second tallest and broad shouldered with big arms, a powerhouse. Donnie is tall and lanky, a little uncoordinated but still strong.

[calm-me-down-oh]

How about all the questions ;)

skdsjf ofc u would get me back for that, under a readmore bc theres a lot!

When was the last time you masturbated? Yesterday! Had a.. very hot convo w my gf

Do you enjoy being fingered/fingering? Uhh the only time Ive had it done to me the person had to stop bc they got uncomfy with it and it was overall just a bit odd,, wait it happened a second time and their nails were too sharp also sdkfhsdh I feel like I could get to like it though? If its like, actually properly done rather than my current experiences sdhfk

How do you feel about food during sex? nno thanks mostly? I guess it can kinda depend on the food though idk, like if my gf suggested somethin I might not mind trying it out depending on what it was yknow

What do you do directly after sex? um.. well afaik just kinda lay/sit in a daze for a moment, mayb have some water, get real clingy, kind of have to be nudged into doing stuff bc i guess my brain just stops working skjdfkj

Cuddle with the tip in? Hell yeah. cuddle with it all in. sounds good.

What’s the nastiest sexual thing you’ve done? I don’t think I’ve really done anything nasty sdjkfsj all the sex ive had has been quite brief and vanilla idk

Name a follower you would fuck. @you-better-make-me!

Name a follower you have fucked. None..

What’s the sexiest part of your body? Idk man I guess my thighs are ok people seem to like them anyway

FuckMarryKill: DJ Khalid, Rick Ross, Fat Joe Am i supposed to know who these people are

Would you ever be with a trans person? i think the real question is would i ever be with a cis person (yes i would be with a trans person i am with 2 trans people and i am trans and i havent dated anyone cis since i was like 15)

Riding dick or doggy style? yes

Ever fucked in a school? Nope

Most random place you’ve had sex? havent really had sex in a random place lmao just beds

Would you ever be part of the mile high club? maybe..? thats having sex on a plane right. idk. maybe

Name three of your spots. what does this mean fkjd

Fuck on the first date? Depends

Do you suck dick? I’m sure gonna try!

Do you eat ass? Idk maybe not skdfjhsjk

Do you eat pussy? Haven’t yet, nearly did, got too nervous sdkjfh

Do you like kissing? So much!!

Is farting during sex sexy? I.. I mean its not sexy but like im also not gonna have a negative reaction. unless its me. that is something im admittedly very nervous about fkjd

Ever fucked in the shower? Nope

How old were you when you lost your virginity? Uh............ good question. 19 or 20 i forget if it was before my birthday but within the last year. unless you only count penetrative sex, then I haven’t yet

Do you prefer sex in the morning, afternoon, or night? Y..yes? I suppose afternoon/night is usually a better time, morning is jsut sleepy and trying to remember how to exist hours

Do you like drunk sex? Haven’t had it but I do get horny when I drink, wouldn’t be against trying it with someone I trust

Do you like high sex?  Again never had it! And I haven’t really been high either so Idk

FuckMarryKill: Nicki Minaj; Cardi B; Kash Doll N..none for any

When was your first kiss? I was like 13 I think

How did you meet the person you lost your virginity to? College

Have you ever faked an orgasm? Nope. Wait maybe. Kind of. Idk when I was younger I was with this guy who would try get me to touch myself n I hadn’t figured out how to make it feel good so I’d just lie and say I was when i wasnt bc i didnt wanna do it so maybe at some point i said i came when i hadnt sdfhks

Ever painted/been painted on? Yeah but not in like a horny way, my ex would paint on my hand as kinda their way of flirting with me

You like sex toys? Sure

What’s your favorite sex position? Personally think missionary is underrated bc that closeness and being able to cling just sounds v good but also getting fucked from behind face down ass up also sounds,, v good lately

Sex on a bed, couch, or floor? beddd, maybe couch, floor just seems uncomfortable

Do you like car sex? Never had it, just seems a bit awkward but I guess I’d be open to trying it

You get instantly horny; what happened? My neck got bit!

FuckMarryKill: Trey Songz, Chris Brown, August Alsina. Kill chris brown. idk who the others are

Describe your crush. Don’t have one!

Woukd you ever be with someone with an incurable STD? Uh... Idk? I mean, theres preventative measures for basically all std’s right? So as long as those are taken so i dont also get it I guess it’d be ok

Rate your head game. No clue dkfhdsj

Rate your sex. Awkward!

Would you fuck someone outside of your race? ?? yes. what kind of question is this

Describe the type of freak you are. idk what this means but what first came to mind was ‘pet’ so take that as u will

Ever tasted your own nut/cum? Sure

Into golden showers? Nope

Body count: Under or Over 25? Wayyy under

How do you feel about nipple play? Uh depends! Not into being harsh like clamps etc just seems like itd hurt n not in a good way, but playing w/ them w ur hands and sucking on them. very good

Where do you like to be nutted on? chest/stomach seems good

Which are you better at: topping or bottoming? bottoming

What do you consider “too small?” Idk man dick is dick idc

Is play fighting foreplay? It sure can be!

Do you like angry sex? In concept maybe, in reality itd just kinda scare me

How long should a quickie be? Idk.. quick

How long is “too long” to have sex? Idk sex ends whenever one of u wants to stop, don’t think u can go too long if ur both comfortable with it

How long is “too long” to go without sex? Listen i.. am not the person to be asking this I’ve had sex maybe 3 times spread out over almost a year. i have never regularly had sex

Is “no” relevant in a relationship? Incredibly relevant!! Always!! Unless you’ve discussed beforehand that its ok to ignore it and have a safeword in place instead!! and then that safeword is not to be ignored!!

Do you believe in no-strings-attached sex? Sure but idk if i could do it

Would you have sex in a public bathroom? mmmaybe....

Would you have sex in a changing room? mmmmmmmmaybe

Who was the last person you had sex with? My ex

Describe your type. Idk I have the weirdest type i think they have like nothing in common then theyll all turn around and be into the same stuff or something its v strange

Name 3 turn-ons. Biting, just making out sometimes tbh, skin contact in places usually covered by clothes or under clothes..

Name 3 turn-offs. Umm. i definitely have turn offs but whenever im asked my mind goes blank. I guess being overly rough, hair pulling im undecided on tbh, and oh i usually dont like having my ass smacked but idk if itd change if it were like.. in the middle of sex

Name something that would make you stop in the middle of sex. Bad pain or panicking or it seems like the other person is uncomfortable. or someones knocking on the door for some reason sdkfjs

Would you answer a phone call during sex? no omg

Would you ever pay for sex? Nah.

Would you accept money for sex? Uh. Maybe? Wouldnt ask for it tho

How do you typically feel after sex? Mostly affectionate and good, but w the last person i was with sometimes it seemed like they just wanted it over and done with so i would get kinda nervous and guilty over that,, idk

Do you like your body? Nah

Ever sent nudes? Yep

Have you ever cheated on someone? Yeah he was abusive

Have you ever been cheated on? Idk, maybe, wait i think the guy i cheated on tried saying he cheated on me too but idk if he was just trying to get back at me so

Would you have a threesome? If I trust the people sure

Would you have a foursome? Same as above

Would you take part in an orgy? Uhh idk maybe, same as above applies tho

Would you let’s train be ran on you? Again if I trust the people yeah sure

How often do you masturbate? Idk it really depends sometimes im really horny and its like daily maybe more than once a day and then sometimes i just dont for like. a while

Sex with the lights on or off? on.. how are u meant to see what ur doing otherwise sdjkhfs

Sex with music or tv in the background? Sure, idc really. Though i have a thing if its like.. kids stuff.........dont do that..........

Do you have a cousin you’d fuck if you weren’t related? wtf no

In your last relationships, rate the sex? Uhh... good? I mean, good at the time, though like i said sometimes felt a bit rushed, and that now makes sense and i have very mixed feelings on it but mostly guilt bc the person i was with has since said they werent really into it. so.

Do you sleep naked? Nah I at least have underwear on

How often do you go commando? Never

Are your nipples pierced? If not, would you get them pierced? Nope

Do you dive right into sex, or converse first? Uh, depends? Talking about it beforehand or even during can be good though. But i guess it doesnt have to be Right before it, it can be a bit in advance

After taking your clothes off, what’s the first move? Kiss.. touch,, etc,,

Do you make the first move? Um. w my ex i kinda had to bc as i said, i later found out they werent really into it. other than that i generally dont tho bc im very nervous abt all that, kinda especially after that discovery hdfbghf

Have you ever had sex with more than one person in a day? Nope

Do you like dryhumping ? Sure

Can you twerk or do a split on a dick? Probably not

Have you ever been recorded during sex? No but I’ve had a dream abt being recorded sucking someones dick it was weird

Do you watch porn during sex? W. who does that. how can u focus on that. why would u watch sex when ur having sex skdjfhsjdk

After fucking, do you try becoming friends with a one night stand? Never had a one night stand

What’s your kink? Praise! Marking! Collars!

Would you hook up with the same hook-up again? I don’t think i could have a hook up tbh so no

Ever made a relationship from a one night stand? nope

How romantic are you during sex? uh.. idk havent rly had chance to try being romantic during sex but soft sex sounds v good imo

Describe your sex in 5 words or less. in my experience so far? nervous and kinda awkward

[waterfallwritings]

15 Questions Tag - again!

@livvywrites immediately tagged me back in this after I tagged her because she wanted to see it done with another one of my characters!

Your wish is my command~

Rules: answer these fifteen questions as one of your characters and then tag 15 people

I will be doing this one as Adrian! My favourite loveable dumbass fish boy. I’m going to do it from the perspective of if this was Morgan asking the questions, in particular Morgan post finding out that Adrian is a triton— cause she figures it out in like what chapter five I think? Idk. This way he doesn’t have to hide that fact and you can get some actual answers!! Oh and written from some rando narrators perspective, aka not how ASH is actually written.

Oh yeah and Adrian doesn’t speak, remember? Lol.

~~~~~(I would put a readmore but I’m on mobile. Sorry!!)~~~~~~

1. What is your full name?

He grabs the parchment and quill and scribbles out the letters. He pauses, seeming to look at the paper fondly, before handing it to Morgan. ‘Adrian Cadmus.’ It says. Adrian is smiling.

<< I haven’t been able to share my last name in so long... it feels good.>> He signs to her.

2. What does your name mean?

Still smiling, he signs,

<< I was named after the—>> stopping, he grabs the paper back and flips it over. Unfortunately the homemade sign language doesn’t yet cover everything.

‘Adriatic sea’ he writes.

<<As for my last name..>> he continues, sighing. His smile is gone. <<I was told it means ‘brave warrior’. In... my home, it tells of a night. Sword. Role. Given name. >>

“Wait, you were a knight in Myrddin? Is that what you’re trying to say? Are you kidding me?” Morgan exclaims.

<<... yes>> Adrian signs hesitantly. Morgan shakes her head in disbelief.

3. Do you have any nicknames or other names?

Adrian pauses. His hands then float in the air for a moment, as he searches for words. His eyes are downcast.

<<no...no one has ever given me a nickname. I am always Adrian or just another night.>> he glances up at Morgan.

<<you have called me ‘fish boy’ twice, but neither seemed... well. Positive.>> He drops his hands into his lap. Morgan sighs.

“Remind me to tell Miles that you need a proper nickname.” Her tone is edged with sarcasm, but Adrian lights up.

4. What is your gender?

The seemingly eternal look of confusion appears on Adrian’s face.

<<what is...?>> he trails off.

“Ugh. Nevermind. For human reference, your answer to that question is that you’re a man, okay? Like human?” Adrian nods.

5. What is your sexuality?

Cue the confused look again.

Morgan sighs and shakes her head.

“Like, who are you attracted to, who do you like, what type of person would you, uh, well, mate with, I guess?” Morgan explains awkwardly.

<< why do you want to know that?>>

Morgan smirks, and glances around to make sure Miles isn’t anywhere nearby.

“Oh you know me... curious as ever...”

Adrian sits there for a few minutes, thinking. Staring out at the sea. Morgan becomes impatient and clears her throat loudly.

<<human, or...?>> he hesitates, then points to himself.

“Whichever. Whatever.”

<<Well,>> he signs, pausing. << I normally just admire females of my people. But personality is what matters to me most.>> He scribbles on the paper again.

‘Loyalty. Honesty. Compassion. Happiness.’ He writes.

6. Where are you from?

Adrian gives a lopsided but knowing smile.

<< You want to know about—my, under, water, city?>> he struggles to find signs they’ve created that can express what he’s trying to say.

Morgan glares. “Yeah yknow, the one selkies aren’t ever allowed in.”

<< Marble. Elegant. Everyone has a strict role. But poor too. Most happy anyway. Ruled by crown. Crown makes those rules, not me.>> he tells her. Her glare does not subside. They move on.

7. How old are you?

.... <<how old do I look?>> he asks instead of answering, after a moment of thought.

“Um. I don’t know. In human years, maybe mid twenties?” Morgan suggests. Adrian smirks- and he doesn’t smirk often.

<< What if I told you I was two hundred and eight years old as a.... fish person?>> they don’t yet have a word for triton. He awaits a reaction. Morgan pauses.

“I believe it,” she decides.

<<what, really?>>

Morgan shrugs and nods. “Why not?”

8. What is your magic form designation?

<<.... Morgan, you know what I am. And now you know I was a night. What more?>> he asks.

“Fair point. You had fins and scales and stuff right?” He nods.

9. What does your human form look like?

“Don’t give me that look, just, describe it. Yourself. In your own terms.” She explains. Adrian is still a bit confused, but he listens. Which is nothing new to him.

<< I have shoulder length black hair... narrow face, green eyes like the sea.>> he pauses and looks at Morgan. <<slightly different skin colour than you... darker. Slightly. Stronger than I seem.>> Morgan scoffs at the last bit.

10. What is your aesthetic?

[[ after Morgan, slightly annoyed, explains what an aesthetic is to him ]]

<< Ah. Green ocean foam. A purple sunset. Stars. ..... My old spear.>> He decides.

11. Who is your best friend?

[[ after Morgan briefly explains what a best friend is: ]]

Adrian’s eyes light up like fireworks after the explanation.

<< Oh! Miles! That is Miles. Yes. >> His face softens into a small, warm smile. << I have a... best friend. Miles is my best friend.>> He seems to be signing automatically, but speaking to himself, as if the realization had just dawned on him.

<< I don’t think I’ve ever had a best friend before.>>

“Okay okay I get it, I already knew the answer it’s very obvious. Now stop it with the mushy sap, ugh.” Morgan groans.

12. Would you ever get a tattoo or piercing?

[[ after Morgan explains what they are. Complains that Miles is normally the one explaining everything to him, and how on earth does he do it all. The. Time. ]]

<< mm... would it stay when I... go fish?>> he asks, catching Morgan off guard, who starts laughing loudly and has to clamp a hand over her mouth so she doesn’t attract attention.

“W— when, when you, go fish?” She cries, laughing again. “What, a-are you playing cards now??”

Adrian huffs.

<< we really need a word for what I am. But to answer, maybe to the permanent photo. None of the hole with metal through it though. >>

13. When are you the happiest?

Adrian turns and stares out to the sea, and his features darken. It takes him several minutes, despite Morgan’s nudges and annoyances, to return to their conversation.

<< For now, when I am spending time with Miles and can see the ocean.>> He finally signs. But untold emotion swirls begins his eyes.

14. What is your biggest secret?

Morgan smirks as she asks. She isn’t expecting much of an answer— or the fact that he’s not human as his answer. But his face is still dark and gloomy after the last question. With no emotion on his face, as if he’s holding it back, he signs;

<< I did a very very bad thing, years ago. No one can ever know. Not here, not there. I was just trying to defend an innocent.>>

His lip quivers. Morgan stares at him in shock.

Tears start to well up in his eyes, his face trying to push them back down.

Uh oh.

“Uh—I— I’m going to go get Miles for you. Um. Uh. I’m sorry. Miles!” Morgan sputters before running off.

————————————————-

((15th question was if he has a sidekick, which he doesn’t, and I figured here was a better more natural ending, considering.))

Since this ended up being quite long & quite informative about certain things in ASH, I’m going to put the taglist. Anyone in the taglist who hasn’t done this tag game before is now tagged to do it!!

PS. Quill? QuillOfTheClouds? Mate? I think I’m gonna pretend that this conversation is canon & happened in the three day time skip before they docked and left the ship. Maybe. Probably. I’ll just add a mention that Adrian and Morgan spent a few minutes together during that time. Or something. It’s too much dialogue to actually write in.

Taglist: @quilloftheclouds , @abalonetea , @penzag , @livvywrites , @bookish-actor , @bookenders , @starrywritingg , @atbwrites , @lordhoekage , @royalbounties , @maple-writes @writings-of-a-narwhal , @yeraswifey , @smudged-glasses-writing s , @tenacious-scripturient , @sunlight-and-starskies , @marlettpines @disfunctionaldeity-writes , @fandom-child-4life , @mezvii , @purpleshadows1989 , @phahbiyah

[freedom]

wowowowowow i have been having a terrible time. like damn I feel validated

THIS POST IS CATHARSIS AND LONG AND TRIGGERING read if you want but it’s just my own thoughts you’ve been warned

Following should be under a readmore apologies if not:

rereading northernsparrow’s a winters tale fic where like the whole point is feeling bad for cas and realising that actually. I do relate to some of it. and just like how it’s not cas’ fault the situation he’s in it’s not my fault. and how dean feels sorry he let cas down the ppl who let me down should feel sorry too

like??? my emotions are not my fault it’s not me feeling sorry for myself or being dramatic or anything. I can’t actually help what I feel

like damn i actually have been actively wanting to kill myself and stab myself and really have gotten quite frighteningly close to actually stabbing myself. like legitimately been standing in the kitchen and been so so full of just sadness and hopelessness that I’ve just felt this pull to the knife and a pull to press it against my stomach. and have done it and just stood there just crying with the knife pressed against my stomach or have taken the knife and gone to shove it into my brain but stopped short over and over again. it would not have taken too much more for me to actually just do it.

like my urge to self harm is not me. It’s not attention seeking. It’s sadness and it’s desperation and it’s my brain screaming out for help basically. I’m not choosing this. It had been getting so bad that my thoughts just turn by themselves to this urge to rip my teeth out or to stab my neck or hit my head against the wall. or strangle myself. or to jump out of the window. or slice my palm open. but yknow what I NEVER do it. that doesn’t mean I don’t get it. it actually means im fucking strong

and it is bc I’ve just felt so alone. which is actually!!!!!!! Not my fault!!!! yes there’s things I could’ve done to have more friends blah blah blah but actually??? I deserve to have a family who loves me and appreciates me. I deserve to have friends who don’t leave me. I deserve to have the same shit most other people have bc I am a good person and I am trying my best. dear god I’m trying. but realising this is part of the journey right

I actually genuinely am so fucking strong to have survived. to have gotten so close to suicide that ive known and felt the exact moment I would’ve reached over and shot myself in the head if I had a gun. to have experienced that twice over. to have kept on going every day, working through the solitude and the self blame and the heartbreak at being unloved. at losing everything i thought I was gonna have. the bleakness of my future. not having any reason to keep on being here

and to still have been able to be a positive influence through that? to help my friends. to be there for them. to care about them. to listen to them. to try my best and to hold everything in for so long bc I was scared they’d leave me if I let them know? like other people who were NOT true friends have done before?

my god. if I was reading a story of my own life. I wouldn’t blame myself and of course I would feel sorry.

I never even realised how much stuff I was still blaming myself for just as a basis of knowledge. But no!!!!! i do my best. i work fucking HARD. and I’m NOT a bad person. I never FUCKING was despite what my parents led me to believe. I have always been a good person and I have always tried my best and I’m not gonna fucking let anyone tell me otherwise anymore or treat me like shit.

I’m ALLOWED to be angry. I’m ALLOWED to not be perfect. I’m ALLOWED to want attention. I’m ALLOWED to want better. I’m allowed to think these things and it’s not fucking selfish

God. God. God.

I am angry! I am actually angry! I’m allowed to be angry! I’m so fucking angry!!! How dare people treat me how they have my whole life??? How dare they??? How dare my parents have a kid then completely fucking neglect them? How dare they create a ‘family’ only to leave it shrivelled up and dead. How dare I be left to raise my FUCKING self. Like learning to wash myself. Learning to buy clothes. Learning to deal with my emotions. Learning to DRESS MYSELF goddamn. How dare they act like that’s normal. And how dare my ‘friends’ abandon me the second i needed them most? How dare my family reduce their interest in me to my grades and my looks rather than who I actually AM. How dare they not bother to get to know me.

I deserve just as much as everyone else !!!!!!!!!! Fuck them all!!!!!!!!!!!!

EDIT: no I’m not fucking done actually!!!! do you know how fucking heartbreaking it is to reach the end of ur fucking tether enough to tell your brother that you’re suicidal and for him to talk to u about it then but then NEVER check up on you again or ask you how you are or tell you that hm??? Maybe??? Oh he doesn’t want you to,??? To even REPLY to messages?????? To completely BREAK DOWN sobbing in front of your ‘family’ for everyone to see bc you’re so tired and sad you’ve reached beyond the point of caring abt bottling it up that you’re just so fucking heartbroken that they don’t really care about you and to basically not even get a reaction. god fucking damn it. i WILL do better than them. i fucking will. i will make good circumstances out of my existence despite their fucking neglect

[peridipshit]

EDIT: IDK HOW TO MAKE A READMORE ON MOBILE SORRY FOR A WALL

hey hey guys ive been super inactive and theres a reason for that and that reason finally worked out and i cannot fucking begin to explain how good it is ghjklljhgfdghjkljhgfdghjkljhgfdghjklhgfhjkl

read more for a super lengthy overshare of angst and ecstasy

i kno w its fuckin long, its not for anybody but myself bc ye i have adhd myself and dont know how to read sh i t and dont expect anybody to have the patience for this

so, if i start at the beginning, ive had, the hardest period of my life starting around fall 2016. ive been in community college for about 4 years now, and i dont want to list all of the things ive done because it wouldnt reflect the mental emotional and physical exhaustion ive put myself through for all of this work. and all this time i thought it would amount to nothing because a lot of what i was supposed to be doing was pushed away out of fear. i filled up my time with a million impressive things that i genuinely loved and enjoyed, but knew it wasnt the actual work to get into the universities i was so desperate for. i pushed,, all my applications to the week or day before the due date. i had to give up three out of seven universities because of the deadline pressures. 

but my main school, the one that i returned to as the ideal place, but a laughable pipe dream, was the one i worked the absolute hardest for

i needed to do two different applications with a total of uh, 8 or 9 essays? the first round of 5ish essays i submitted the day before, and then the second application, i started the week before and completed the essays and storyboard, and hit the submit button 2 minutes before the deadline. i had two winter semester classes (which both kept me under a no-sleep schedule) and i juggled the application work by night. i ended up with like 3 total hours of sleep in that week. i almost gave up like three times but i remember crying after finding this song which coincidentally reflects the acceptance into the university im now somehow attending. it was the moment to myself that i decided i wanted to push through and grow up

the third round where i almost gave up was when my professor couldnt recieve my emails and i had no other way to contact him during the winter. i came to his office the week school started in spring with a deadline of three days to get my letter completed, and he submitted it an hour and a half before the deadline. i spent that weekend convinced i would just take another year at community college and at home and prepare myself more. i cried after checking my phone when i was walking out of Black Panther because he hadnt submitted it with less than two hours left before my application would have been thrown out. he submitted once i got into the car and refreshed the tab

last month i got an interview with the school of my dreams. i looked up the real statistics and they choose 30 transfer applicants for interview and accept 15. that moment was a rush of disbelief and brief sobbing as i realized that maybe im not crazy and not stupid and maybe just doing good things

that was the longest week of my life, but it wasnt a nervous thing at all. i knew i could nail an interview, it just was practicing. i spent each car ride to school talking to myself for 30 minutes. 

i literally could not have done anything as amazingly as i did in that interview without my friend’s help (hey dude), i was literally hearing that skype notification and have never had my heart pound as hard in my life. two seconds thinking about my friends and everything theyve done for me was like, a reminder that ppl care and have my back and istg that power of friendship anime bs is real my dudes and i couldnt ask for better people in my life 

i rocked it like some kind of word virtuoso person and waited a month for a notification

limbo is wierd

i spent so long knowing i was so, close, but not in a place to celebrate

the day i found out was Of Course as wild as it was, where i was having a panic attack out of everything in the morning that accumulated, i was like near crying in class because the prof was kinda yelling at me and i almost lost my project and had to run about a mile in heels to look for it and i was being hit on by a guy twice my age and i had 2 hours of sleep

but????????? i got into ucIa in their theater film and television school, which is harder than any ivy league school. me and 14 other transfer students. 92 total undergrads in that entire film school. ill be nineteen into my junior year. ill be at the heart of the industry going into animation and able to do practically anything. 

a n d i learned that not only my tuition room and board will be covered, but likely a ridiculous amount beyond that too.

i just. got to a point in my life last year that i knew that i was setting myself up for failure and i thought that if i wasnt improving i was failing and so i put so much onto myself in terms of working that i literally had no time for myself. no time for anything leisurely and no time for shows or movies or games or even friends. the only thing i felt like was my escape was cosplay and i still had that shamed by my family for wasting money and time. i of course had many moments and opportunities to do a few things that i regard very fondly, but overall i had no time to genuinely reflect on the damage that everything had caused. it felt like i had no time to cry ultimately, like some kind of hamster wheel of responsibility and fear. im still recovering now, and i want to be better. i want to do my best for myself and everyone around me. and i want to become someone that can be healthy and be myself. and yknow what im pretty damn proud of where im already at right now 

trying hard to keep coherency but i gotta wake up at 5 for an 8am class tomorrow so this is a lil rushed. its probably corny as hecc, but hell i feel just ok for a second and thats nice. i would never have gotten here with the support around me and like, my friends and family have done so much for me and i could write ten of these rambles on each one of you. you care about me and i care about you guys beyond anything these words can express. (*cough*quinn keira kevin cece*cough* not to say everyone else i know hasnt impacted me because gOd so many lives have done so much for me, i just, hey, love yall) 

my life is finally feeling like something big, ive never believed in the destined for greatness thing, ive just felt Capable of greatness and afraid beyond words of wasting it. and i want to be great for me, i want to be great to others, and i want to be great to the big picture. 

just, holy fuck i love you guys so much and thank you 

things are finally looking ok and i would repay you guys back in to the fullest extent of my hearts adoration and appreciation

[volkswagenital]

for both ryan AND sarah: vanilla fudge ripple, white raspberry truffle, neapolitan!

i'll put it under a readmore since its kinda long but anon i love you and you know the exact types of questions i like to ANSWER !!!

vanilla fudge ripple: a strength headcanon

i have no idea if this means physically or like...a character strength, so i'll do both bc why not!

ryan isnt really physically strong unless he has adrenaline running through him. like the man probably needs help opening a jar, but if you piss him off he'll cave your face in. but in terms of a character strength, hes really good at reading what people need, and gives really good advice (even if he doesnt follow it himself most of the time).

for sarah, though, shes different. shes not jacked per say, but she can hold her ground for sure! shes also an avid gardener, so shes definitely physically stronger than ryan (plus, she wants to be able to use her fists to defend herself rather than her powers). i think her biggest character strength is that she works really well under pressure (or, at least, is good at pretending that she is) and her general warm and pleasant attitude.

white raspberry truffle: a weakness headcanon

im going to assume this is a character weakness here so

ryans biggest weakness is that he doesnt really give enough of a shit about himself to like...have "do it for yourself, youll feel better," as a motivator bc he doesnt give a shit. hes trying, hes trying very hard, and the way he sees things? if he needs to use the people he cares about as motivators above himself, then so fucking be it yknow? but it does make it harder on himself if hes alone for too long.

sarahs weakness is that behind her sweet calm exterior she is about 5 seconds away from completely fucking snapping. which since she feels bad about being guilty about the things shes done/hating when someone finally wears her down and her true temper shows, it makes her more terrified of herself, and it perpetuates this horrible cycle.

neapolitan: intimacy/vulnerability headcanon

ryan doesnt have many physical boundaries, and is pretty touchy-feely (not to an "uncomfortable, breaking the other persons boundaries" way) once he feels comfortable enough to let you within 6 feet of him. hands on shoulders, hands in his hair, whatever simple little affectionate touch someone would feel like doing he wouldnt mind at all. he doesnt initiate it super often, but he doesnt mind others doing it with him.

sarahs not great at the "talk about my past and what specifically upsets me" thing, but where she does best is like...simple, silent intimacy. the sort of intimacy you get with someone when its just the two of you, sitting on the beach, listening to the waves and the gentle winds in silence. its not awkward, and you just sort of feel...connected to the other person. that sort of intimacy. and shes always willing to be a shoulder for others, if they need it. :') i love her sm

[piinkhair-blog]

so this is a sappy post abt some amazing ppl that i’ve met through this blog/kpop in general. also i swear i’m forgetting some ppl here so if i did... i’m sorry and just know that i love u a whole lot too. this got Longer than i planned so it’s under a readmore oops

#WeirdSquad2k17: i rlly haven’t been in a groupchat this... lovin and accepting in ages and i’m so so thankful that kai asked if i could join yall on kkt because i just love all of you so much??? ur my family??

@ilysmsuga kai bby!!!! listen i think u were my first Real Good Friend that i met through kpop, and you mean the whole world to me. you’re such an amazing and wonderful and caring person, and honestly i’m so happy that i first followed u (even lmao that reason was because you were a boy who was into kpop) and even more happy that kept talking and became such good friends?? i’m still in awe and rlly words can’t proeprly describe how much i love and care for u

@1kimnamjun dari!!!!!!!!!!! i love that ur a smol like me even tho u don’t seem like one yknow.. ur just so full of love and personality and wonderfulness and even when ur dealing with things urself u always seem to find time to help one of us out too, which?? is so nice bc not a lot of ppl out there are like that!! so ur a super star!! i’m glad we’re friends now even if in the beginning u kind of intimidated me dsfdgfh

@1suho kay,,,,, my ghost friend,,, im love u so much even tho we don’t talk too much bUT tht’s okay!!!! ur super awesome and i love tagging u in suho and chanyeol things bc u just... truly love them men... and i love ur all capital reactions to all of it.. except when u retaliate by tagging me in my string bean boyfriend.. the pain.. but!!!!! ur so sweet and nice and i actually applaud u for being able to be one of those ppl who “i’m taking a break for school!!” i admire that a lot..

the fuckin’ snarts/sin squad:

@sapphic2017 @ninczeniks @harrysbumjr +felix, whose url i dont remember i’m lumping all of u together bc i can and literally.... yall know how i feel abt each of u.... i hate that i love all of u as much as i do... i’m the only Voice of Reason and Child of God in this feckin groupchat full of furries and sinners. bUT nonetheless i’m glad that we’ve got our own gc away from.... people... where everyone loves each other and is comfortable!!!! this is one of the longest and best gcs i’ve never been in and i’m so thankful for that, even if it did mutate into This when i started it out as an innocent shadowhunters/eyewitness groupchat

other good friends whom i love a lot and never talk to enough because i’m lame: 

@127cherrybomb i probably talk to u the most on this list but 95% of it is crying abt haechan and the rest of the dream babies... sometimes ten too... but it’s wholesome and good and i never feel like i can’t talk to u about something which is so nice yknow. i love u and glad that we became friends!!

@mygsboy my angst au buddy.... im love u even tho u cause me so much pain and don’t allow me to kill characters (even tho u do it like 5 seconds later adsfdgfhgj) but also!!!! ur such a nice and creative and talented person and also??? ur snapchats are always so aesthetically nice?? teach me ur ways bc mine are all cat pics and filter selfies lmao

@cherryjaehyun mads!!!! every time we talk ur so so nice and i appreciate that we became friends by me asking for makeup opinions yknow.. a pure way to start a friendship.. also thank u for dragging me further into the nct fandom.. it’s been a ride but i also love it a whole lot

@jarpark katherine.. my pd101 buddy at this moment in time.. i’m glad that i have someone that i can scream abt this hellshow with someone who actually gets it and cares yknow?like i didn’t plan on caring that much but u reblogged so much.. i got sucked in and now my heart is broken.. but ur still so nice and funny and jsut such a good person to talk to when we’re not screaming about mnet and how woojin/eunki/jungjung/takada was Wronged

@xiyeoniesgf u started as my lil gay seventeen anon buddy!!! and look at us now :’) friends :’) i love u a whole much and i’m really happy that u came off anon so we could talk more and stuff!! ur super friendly and jsut a really good person who has a lot of good opinions and i really admire that so much

@lgbtkpopmoodboards tyler!!!!!  ur such a great person for so many reasons and i love talking to u bc i always laugh and feel better, which is so nice!! also u always are providing quality content, like heechul is graph or the suju scale post,, and i love that u actualyl go through and update it every now and then according to what fuckery the suju members have been up to as of Late.

@choiseungcheolsbf kris!!!!!! ur so super great for lots of reasons!!! like i love it whenever ur telling me that ur in the stl area and that we have a lot of the same interests, and i also love running the pokemon kpop blog with u bc ur moodboards are always just.. so mind blowingly good,, always. like u did every member of 17 so i’m pretty sure u could take on the world at this point or something and it’d be easy for u to do lmao. but yes!!!! ur a really great and caring person and like.. i’m still thinking abt how u got me that palette just because u wanted to/saw a passive post of me ranting dsfdgfh

[gendryw4ters-blog]

☝ 🚬 🍷💉 ✏️ ✂️😒🔥👃💭💘 🎥 📺 ✏🙈👟💃📱🍭???

oh my gosh this is so many im!! thank you so much youre so sweet aah?! i’ll stick em under a readmore for length!! (but i’ll try not to ramble too much cause im terrible for ranting and raving about all sorts of stuff ahah) 

☝ - How tall are you? 5′7″ish or there abouts🚬 - Do you Smoke? nah🍷 - Do you Drink? occasionally ye💉 - Have Tattoos? not yet!!✏️ - Want any tattoos? yes!! im actually pretty set on this alt j one ive had designed for a long time, i just need time and money and to settle on a position (cause arms might not be good for teaching but also i want to be able to show it off ya feel??)✂️ - Got any Piercings? no! cause im scared to lmao😒 - Biggest pet peeve? PEOPLE WHO CAN’T CLOSE DOORS🔥 - Something spicy you like? mulled spice candles at christmas (i literally have the most bland and boring taste in food ever okay im not a spicy gal)👃 You hate the smell of …. doritos!! to the extent that i sometimes have to leave the room if someone opens a bag of ‘em!! which is definitely not inconvenient or awkward at all!💭 - Favorite foods? pizza, pasta, garlic bread, toast, most egg things (told you i was bland af)💘 - Top 5 celebrity crushes? changes a lot but! as it stands rn:

joe dempsie

cillian murphy

dan from bastille

PEGGY LIPTON WHAT A BABE OH MY GOD

sherilyn fenn (also! a babe)

🎥 - Top 5 favorite movies? oh my god this is super difficult okay and also changes all the time but i guess right now it’d be:

mr nobody

guardians of the galaxy vol 2

arrival (fun fact! it’s the only film ive ever seen that i would rate as being 10/10 in my entire life)

kong skull island for the green gas scene if nothing else

hmmm……….. alien

📺 - Top 5 favorite TV shows? also difficult but right now (and excluding BoB cause that’s a given) it’s:

twin peaks

peaky blinders

letterkenny

game of thrones… maybe

this is england (ESPECIALLY ‘90. but all of them including the film are incredible)

✏ - Random fact about yourself. uhhh i guess! my name is rooted in irish mythology maybe (not my name personally but yknow) and Niamh was a fairy queen in Tir na nOg and that’s pretty neat

🙈 - What makes you shy? im actually a lot less shy than i used to be! but that’s both a blessing and a curse. i take more chances and get more rejections and that’s! something i just gotta work through. i guess the only thing that still does make me shy is not having a single clue how im going to be received?? like often if im going to approach someone i have a vague idea of how well my approaching is going to go down but if i have no idea then the whole thing becomes a lot more OH GOD WHAT AM I DOING

💃 - Can you dance? debatable

👟 - Favorite shoe(s) to wear? i love!! my docs!! that i stole from my dad!!

📱 - What kinda phone do you have? an iphone! with a cracked screen! classic iphone user problems

🍭 - Favorite Candy? cookies! if they count??

thanks again for this omg!! i hope youre having a great daaay!