#but i want to be able to get support gender-wise

[cosmicconversations]

Pick-A-Card Tarot Reading: Who Is Thinking Of You? 💭

Alright, this is my first Tarot reading here on the blog and I thought we would start off with a classic love reading topic: who is thinking of you? Who has you on their mind right now? Just know, however, that this might not be the person that you want to hear about. But, maybe it’s still a message you need to hear! There is also a chance I could get something platonic but I have the feeling that it will be romantic for a lot of you.

If you’re wanting to know more, you can head over to my Patreon to see what this person’s next move toward you will be. The link will be at the end of the reading. Just so you know, I will be posting plenty of content over there on a weekly basis, including all of my extended Tarot readings. So, I would love for you to join! If not, I am still happy you are here because I get to read for you, either way.

Now, choose the pile (or piles) that you feel most drawn to in order to see who is thinking of you.

Disclaimer: Only take what resonates. Trust your intuition. Remember that you still have the free will to choose whoever you do or don’t want to be with, regardless of what kind of soul connection you have . Also, this reading is timeless but I am also reading current energy. It is best to not worry about or obsess over the outcome of any connection. Your person also has free will and what is meant to be will be.

Pile 1

Pile 2

Pile 3

Italicized = back of the deck

Pile 1

Four of Cups /// Six of Pentacles /// Four of Wands (reversed) /// The Magician (reversed)

The Hanged Man (reversed)

Okay, so this seems like someone who feels not only trapped in a certain situation but bored and unfulfilled. It could be someone who is in a relationship, possibly even married, but it’s not built on a solid foundation. They don’t feel supported in life right now and it could have something to do with their family. For some of you, this person might be having drama or conflict with certain relatives that is just making them feel even more suffocated and frustrated, especially if they live near or even with these family members.

So, why are they thinking of you? Well, because they had something good with you and they took it for granted. I don’t know why I keep getting the name Jack. That might resonate for a few of you. Also, the name Annie. My mind immediately went to the play Annie and “the sun will come out tomorrow!” You brought this person a certain joy and fulfillment. Well, they didn’t appreciate it at the time but you did. They are hoping that you may come back or grace them with your presence again. Yes, this could definitely be a separation situation. Someone you’re not speaking to. But, yeah, you were very generous with them in the past, with your time or energy or resources. Some of you may have helped them out financially. If not, they want to be able to help you out, money wise. But, they are not in the place to do so. In fact, someone may be providing for them. Possibly this partner that they are with.

I am getting this is a person with strong masculine energy but it’s a distorted masculine energy. Distorted or wounded masculine individual is very passive or lacking in initiative when their true nature is meant to be active, dynamic, providing or making things happen. Also, keep in mind that this does not have to be a man. These terms “masculine” and “feminine”, especially in a spiritual sense, are about energy and gender-neutral. But, for many of you, this will be a man. Regardless, they are letting themselves be passive in their situation when they should be taking charge of it.

I don’t think they feel good enough to approach you. I feel like they want to be in a better financial place, for sure. They want a new job or a higher paying one. I also feel like they have been highly indecisive about this connection. Overthinking it and going in circles. It’s also true if they are with someone else. They know they want to leave so they can be happy. But, they just don’t feel like they can get. Either that or they are trying to create the perfect scenario so they can leave. They are trying to control it and wait for the perfect time. But, there is no perfect time! I don’t think you’re waiting on this person and they know it. That’s what scares them. They don’t want to live with the regret of losing you but they’re already living with it. So, it’s just getting worse, regret piled on top of regret. Whatever you want to do about this situation, you are better off just minding your business and focusing on yourself. Let them come around in their own time! This person could have birth chart placements in Gemini, Virgo or Pisces.

Extended Reading for Pile 1 (What is their next move toward you?)

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Pile 2

Five of Wands /// Ace of Cups (reversed) /// Page of Pentacles (reversed) /// Eight of Cups (reversed)

Knight of Pentacles (reversed)

All the reversals in this pile make me feel like this person realizes they need to turn over a new leaf. But, is it too late for that? I believe your person is thinking about their lack of growth over the years and how they want to make up for it. This could have been a really long-term relationship or someone you knew for many years. I definitely feel like there was some romantic interest or connection here in some capacity. But, they kept you stuck in a dead-end situation and they are now seeing the error of those past ways.

I think they still feel like they are that dead-end individual. But, they may just be far too hard on themselves. They feel like they are not getting where they would like to be, whether it’s with you or in life in general. Maybe they are actually stagnating and need to reassess certain things in their life. But, again, maybe they are progressing more than they think. I also feel like there’s an element here of them feeling like you would be unimpressed with how they’re living now or where they are. I don’t think you’re in contact with them and, if you are, it’s distant at best. You probably left this situation because of specific choices and behaviors of theirs and they worry about you still “disapproving” of them in this sense. They just want to be good enough for you.

There is some heavy Earth energy here: Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn. So, they could have chart placements in any of those signs, particularly Virgo or Capricorn. I just feel like their inner critic is very harsh and their expectations of themselves are too high. They might be surprised to learn that you may not be as hard on them as they are being on themselves, even if you once were in the past. (I am also getting the names Robert, Andrew, Peter. Take it how and if it resonates) There is this fixation here on your forgiveness or maybe your lack of forgiveness toward them. What did they do?? Whatever it is, it weighs heavily on them and they do have a lot of remorse or guilt over it.

It seems like the most important thing your person needs to do is forgive themselves for their past actions, especially if you aren’t holding a grudge. They are the ones who can’t move on and show themselves grace. And it is ironically keeping them stuck and making it harder for them to grow. That’s an important point to make: if we can’t forgive ourselves or show ourselves compassion, it becomes a lot harder to heal and evolve. You can’t because emotionally you’re still going to be stuck in the same spot.

I’m eager to see what their next move toward you will be. I think actually they are a little afraid to approach you again because they worry an argument will happen. It seems like you definitely have a fiery side they are well aware of and, well, you can rip someone a new one if you so choose. But, again, that fear of theirs may be unfounded. Maybe you would actually love to make amends and wipe the slate clean, regardless of what that leads to. But, they will have to take the step toward you to find that out. I feel like this has been a long time coming and they realize they need to just rip off the proverbial band-aid and do it already. Also, I think they are a little intimidated at the idea of you having other options. Even if you’re not seeing anyone, they still suspect they would have to compete and fight for your love (As they should because you’re awesome!) They are prepared to do so but just not certain of whether they would actually win your heart, especially given your past.

Extended Reading for Pile 2 (What is their next move toward you?)

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Pile 3

Two of Pentacles /// Page of Cups /// The Devil (reversed) /// Queen of Swords

The Tower (reversed)

Okay, this may be a little trippy but stay with me. I think the person in this pile is you. Now, yes, you should be thinking of yourself and highly. Give yourself some love! However, this does not mean you’re some hopeless soul who doesn’t have a person thinking of them. You do but that’s not the point right now. The point is that you need to be focusing on yourself. Your Guides sent you to this reading to emphasize the shifts you have been making and your progress and to remind you to pour into you.

This is really interesting! And not what I was expecting. So, first off, I do think you’re going through it a little bit right now. You may not exactly be where you want to be in your life and that’s okay. You are still figuring things out. Many of you are being a little too hard on yourselves for not having achieved certain things. You might not feel like a proper adult right now and you could be using your age to shame yourself. Feeling like you should have this or be there because you’re this age. First of all, age is not necessarily indicative of character or maturity. Not to say that you’re immature. But, people make all sorts of judgments regarding age and it is more so about the age of your soul and spirit.

You are actually much farther along than you give yourself credit for but in a spiritual sense. You have grown SO much. I am getting, specifically, the period of 6 months to a year. Something within you has shifted enormously in that time. But, you are too busy feeling like you have to measure up in conventional ways. You are being called to listen more to your inner child, as they will give you a surprising amount of wisdom and direction. Some of you may have been very mature or wise as children and your inner child is a particularly powerful guide because of this.

A lot of you are being called down a more creative path. Music could be involved! You know this is what will really make you happy. Even if it’s not literal art, it’s something more creative that will bring joy and inner fulfillment to your life. It will also turn out to be financially lucrative. You have a lot of anxieties and worries about your security that you are being called to release. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy that only makes things worse and creates more stress. I think you have dealt with some recent disasters regarding security and this anxiety is natural. But, trust that you will be alright.

The second thing that is standing out here is that you are releasing toxic connections from your life and your energy field. I think there is one person, in particular, who only brought you down and held you back. This reading is not about them! Your Guides really protected you in this situation and they are gently yet firmly insisting that you protect yourself when it comes to this person. You dodged a bullet by either not ending up with them or getting away from them before things got worse. Yet, you need to stay level-headed in terms of this past connection. Dua Lipa may be significant to you because I am hearing her songs New Rules and Don’t Start Now. You have to be a bit more logical about this situation and see this person for who they really are. You also need to be very clear with them, if and when they come back around, about your intentions to move forward. Without them. I think you showed them a lot of grace and empathy in the past. And while you should hold on to those traits, in general, now it’s time to do what is best for you.

This is coming up in this reading because I do think there is another person out there who is mirroring you in this way. They are having these same challenges and moving on from the same type of connection. I do think this is a very significant person that you will either be meeting or reuniting with soon. But, until then, you need to focus on getting yourself together. I think, in the extended, we will switch things up and look at what your next move will be that will allow you to manifest this divine counterpart into your life. I should also mention, for confirmation, that you could have placements in the following: the sign of Capricorn, Water signs (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces) or Air signs (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius)

Extended Reading for Pile 3 (What is your next move toward manifesting them?)

[drdemonprince]

what was your journey from libertarian to leftest/anarchist like?

well, as a teen i hated authority and society and wanted complete freedom so i was a libertarian. then i realized i was gay and trans and libertarianism weren't gonna do shit for me. when obama won in 2008 i noticed that i felt relieved, even though i had not voted for him. I went away to academia shortly after that, and became surrounded by liberal people, all of them doing research with a liberal point of view, and what do you know, product of my social environment and queer and desperate for acceptance among the group that said they cared about me, I became a liberal too.

over time academia mistreated me and rejected me for who i really was, and i started to transition and realize that i was disabled. i became more left-leaning frankly because it seemed like that was the only way to be able to survive as what i was, identity wise, and find anyone at all who would correctly gender me or tolerate me. if you want to be able to hang out with other trans people and have them treat you right, there are values you basically have to say that you subscribe to. anyone who didn't subscribe to those political values was mistreated, viewed skeptically, talked to like they were dumb, and ostracized. and some of those values did make sense to me, whereas others didn't.

i saw people pushed to the social margins for being libertarians, for instance, as if that is a political ideology that carries any danger when some random trans woman with a very weak social support system says in a support group that she maybe kinda subscribes to it. i was even terrified of people finding out that i used to believe in anything "wrong" according to the social dogma, for a while. but i tried to make the most sense of the confusing tangle of community held beliefs as i could, so that i wouldnt be completely ostracized from both straight and queer society at once. and so I was vaguely leftist, but with a confused understanding of systemic oppression based on identity (among lots of other things, like abolition and anti-colonialism), and a deep terror of ever saying anything that would ever get me criticized/cancelled/viewed as a bad person.

and then the pandemic happened and i wasn't so beholden to mass community scrutiny anymore. i read a ton i looked at how politics actually plays out, and i got a little bit more capable and secure in myself and came to similarly feel awed by how much people are really capable of when they aren't being controlled or dependent upon approval in order to survive. and anarchy basically asserted that it had always been there in me, i just hadn't known the name for it. and by then i felt safe and strong enough and had enough faith in others to decide it was okay to have opinions that others disagreed with, and that i wouldn't starve out in the cold if i gave voice to them.

like a lot of people, i had misconceptions about what anarchism really was and writers like Graeber, Wengrow, Solnit, etc really disabused me of that notion and made me understand that it wasn't a scary worldview at all, it was the most human and accepting one there really was out there.

My political journey has not been especially principled or philosophical, it has been emotional, intuitive, and rooted in a lot of social influences. i think that's what most political ideologies are about for people, ultimately, belonging and safety.

I was originally a political scientist by training and in that field's body of research we see that most people do not have consistent political belief systems, they agree to a mish-mosh of statements and support various policies that don't all add up in a logically explicable way. they also don't tend to have stable views over time. just as i think morality is a pretty bad explanation of why humans do what they do, and why we help eachother and avoid doing harm, it's very evident that political ideology is a piss poor predictor of political behavior or affiliation. the far clearer explanation far more consistent with the evidence is that people politically align themselves based on their social milleu and their feelings.

this is why i always feel myself holding back from dying for a cause, and blanch when MLMs start talking about needing to do all they can to bring about communism with an almost religious fervor (beyond the fact that such thinking also doesn't line up with a lot of communist thought and theory about how capitalism falls anyway). i dont think that any of these ideologies really carry all that much weight or influence people's actions, affiliations, or political behavior on the level we all pretend that they do. i dont think they're "real". anarchy is more of a philosophy of how to relate to other people in daily life, for me, rather than a religion about how the world needs to be or where we specifically need to be heading. it's more big-I Ideological for plenty of other people, and again, i blanch when they start preaching about it as if their whole life is in service to the idea of it. I think we do anarchism by living as if we're free, every day. and that's what i care about, if i'm being honest. feeling free, safe, and cared for by some other people, without conditions, right now.

[archived-daydreams]

— Move your body, darling.

Summary: You’ve started working out, and your boyfriend encourages you.

Characters: Scaramouche/Wanderer, Albedo, Xiao, Childe, Kaeya, Arataki Itto x gender neutral reader.

Word count: 3.2k.

Tags: fluff, slight crack, suggestive (allusions at doing the deed in Kaeya’s but nothing ex.plicit), soft and supportive boyfriends.

Author’s note: A little something for my dearest @bunny-rambles <3 I hope you like it, love !

Reblog to support your favorite authors ! It helps more than likes.

SCARAMOUCHE

Pretends he doesn’t care, letting slip some comments about how “foolish humans are to believe they can get stronger like that”.

In reality, he’s probably one of the most (if not the most) supportive of this bunch.

Need anything afterwards? He’ll bring it to you, no matter how much he grumbles. And no, don’t try to stop him, because “you are clearly not in the right conditions to do it yourself”. His words not mine, by the way.

Did you drink enough water? Or fruit juice? Or something cold after your work out? You better, he “threatens”, but honestly, he’s happy to prepare it for you (even if he pouts like a grumpy cat).

The afternoon sun is scorching as you keep count of the times you’ve folded and unfolded your legs.

Up, and down, up and down, and up, and down again. Pause. Repeat.

You can’t pinpoint the exact moment, but the idea of getting into shape and strengthening your body crossed your mind a few days ago.

Was it to be able to beat your boyfriend for once in sparring?

That would be unrealistic, thinking on it, considering how he went to godhood and back, and was reborn from his own fall from grace.

Pehaps it was to actually prove to him, that no, not all humans are so ephemeral and frail as he deems them to be.

Yes, that definitely makes more sense.

And maybe, somewhere inside of you, you just want to be a little stronger, because as attractive as Scaramouche looks obliterating enemies, you know how heavy your hypothetic hurt and loss hang over him.

So, with that thought spurring you on, you get back to your workout, some of the energy you’re expending slightly recovered with this re-discovered motivation.

Unaware to you, a pair of vibrant violet eyes have been watching you for a while. The smile painted on his porcelain-like features speaking the words his eyes conceal behind the curtain of dusk that is his hair.

Leaning against the wall and with arms crossed over his chest, the wanderer decides he can indulge for a little longer in the sight of you.

That is, until a familiar child-like voice interrupts him.

“Oh, so they are the one you cherish!”

His cheeks dye in the color of Zaytun peaches at that statement, his figure leaning off the wall in a flurry.

“Shhh, Lesser Lord Kusanali, please not now!” He whisper-shouts.

Nahida gives him a closed eyed smile, as if she hadn’t completely gotten through his practiced haughty facade.

Then, her inquisitive viridian eyes flit to you and to the ex-harbinger again.

“You know, it’s okay to show them your support. They’ll appreciate it, I’m sure!” She encourages him. “It’s the same as when you cultivate flowers.” She gestures with her small hands. “No colorful petal can truly bloom without love, in the same way no fruit will ripen without sun or water.”

And Scaramouche isn’t sure if it’s because of his mentor’s wise words, or because you look like you’re about to pass out from dehydration; but next thing he knows, he’s walking towards you with a bottle of Harra fruit juice in hand.

“When will you learn to take care?” Your wanderer scolds, at the same time his cheeks mirror the warm rays of the low sun in the horizon.

ALBEDO

Oh, he’s smooth. Like, he doesn’t even have to try to make you flustered.

And the best thing is, sometimes (when he wants to, that is) he looks innocent while at it, because he truly cares and means well.

Rest assured, once you either tell him you want to exercise or he finds out, the chief alchemist is getting his hands on every fitness book he can find.

Albedo will come up with a full training program tailored to your needs and goals in a matter of a few hours.

He’s very supportive and reassuring but please, don’t let him get ideas for his experiments, unless you want to receive (affectionate or not so affectionate) complaints from a certain blond traveler, namely, his frequent test subject.

“Fascinating,” Your lover muses, a huge manual on physiology of the human body held in between his hands. “According to this study, Dragonspine reunites all the ideal conditions to make your training more demanding, which will result in it being all the more effective…”

You can’t help but let out a giggle at how immersed into this Albedo seems to be. Sure, you did mention to him you’d like to do some physical conditioning to perform more efficiently in combat, but you didn’t intend to be subjected to a rigorous training program.

“Bedo, dear.” You begin, sitting across from him. “You don’t need to plan such a complicated schedule.” Your hand finds his over the table.

His skin is cold to the touch, yet it is not an unpleasant sensation. It always reminded you of the morning dew over the Cecilias at Snarsnatch Cliff.

Rubbing your thumb over the back of his hand you continue. “I just want to exercise a little bit more than what my usual commissions require, nothing too harsh.” You finish, softly, a tender smile etched on those lips that have warmed Albedo’s cold nights many a time.

“I know that, dearest.” He says, his fingers slotting in between yours. They always fitted perfectly, as if your hands entwined were the last two puzzles pieces containing the mysteries of this world the Chalk Prince yearns to solve.

“But, the cold climate and altitude here will make your daily commissions feel like a walk in the park.” He continues, his free hand dangerously traveling to your waist and down, and down, until it stops at the small of your back. “Wouldn’t you agree, my love?” Albedo questions, that devious smirk you can’t resist appearing on his face like fresh pink strokes of watercolor.

“Oh?” You return his grin, wrapping your arms around his shoulders, playing with the tips of his icy blond hair. “Is that really it?” You tease, your fingertips grazing the star shaped mark on his neck. “Or is my prince eager to spend more time with me?”

“I won’t lie to you.” The alchemist answers, those cerulean eyes of his gleaming mischievously, akin to late stars in the dawn, before leaning in to close the distance between your lips.

You guess this might as well count as a workout session, with how wildly your heart is beating.

XIAO

Sweet baby Xiao, who is probably going to need more reassurance than you.

Why are you suddenly putting your body through such efforts? Are you going to leave him? Is he no longer useful enough to protect you?

Please, please, let him know it has nothing to do with it. Xiao’s gone through so much both physical and emotional pain, he doesn’t understand why you would willingly exhaust yourself like this.

You’ll probably have to sit him down and patiently explain how some moderate exercise can help you feel more energized and less tired on your day to day activities.

Once he understands, however, he’s very, very supportive!

Will always keep an eye on you, making sure you don’t overexert or stay out too late practicing; carries you back to Wangshuu Inn if you overdid it and is always nearby keeping any monsters at bay.

“Working out?” The adeptus repeats, a frown creasing his forehead, his lips forming an all too adorable pout. “Are you in danger? Is anyone after you?” Xiao asks, his golden orbs widening, eyebrows furrowed in concern.

“No, Xiao, it’s nothing like that, my love.” You reassure him, one of your hands reaching out to cup his cheek. “I just want to get stronger, you know? So that I can be better in battle and feel more energized.

Battle. As much as Xiao knows you can hold your own in a fight and trusts your skill, the yaksha doesn’t like the sound of that word, even less coming from your lips.

You shouldn’t have to worry about battles or fights, he vowed to protect you; he deems himself no more than a tool to keep you safe, the weapon that slays any unfortunate who dares harm you.

Do you not need him anymore? Is the question that lingers on his mind and that he can’t bring himself to ask.

Used to your yaksha’s mannerisms, however, you can sense his discomfort.

For someone who claims to deal in bloodbath and death, you’ve come to learn Xiao is about one of the most sensitive and gentle people you could meet.

“Xiao? Does this idea upset you?” You try, taking one of his hands in both of yours, removing his glove to reveal scarred yet tender skin, and sharp claws that hold you with the softness of qingxin and glaze lily petals.

“Maybe…” the conqueror of demons nods, his gaze cast downwards. “Do you…” he hesitates, the prospect of you confirming his deepest fears more painful than the karma he shoulders. “Do you… not need my protection anymore?” He finally manages to ask.

“Oh, Xiao…” With care, you hold his face in both your palms, guiding his sunlit honey eyes back to yours. “Of course I need you. I love you, Xiao.” You whisper, your tone delicate, as if any disturbance or too loud syllable could pop and shatter the little bubble encasing the both of you. “Me exercising and practicing more will not mean I’ll ever stop loving and needing you, baby.” You plant the most tender kiss he’s ever felt on the diamond shaped mark on his temple.

And even though still concerned for your safety and wellbeing, the vigilant yaksha’s heart has been soothed by the floral breeze of your affections tonight.

From that day onwards, it wasn’t rare to see a certain adeptus scanning Guili Plains more exhaustively than usual, especially when a dedicated fighter found themselves mastering the art of their weapon.

CHILDE

Flirty and competitive little shit (affectionate) but he’s actually helpful.

Will take any chance he can get to one up on you. Don’t hold it against him, though, he’s just childish (pun intended), and loves your pouty expressions a little too much.

Finds it so attractive when your breath is labored, yet you still keep going. That sight alone, truly ignites something in him, his usually dull ocean eyes reflecting a myriad of iridescent lights in all the shades that compose you; he feels the need to kiss you and become the cause you’re breathless and… (I’ll stop here before we enter spicy territory, but you get it).

Very caring. Ajax is not new to taking care of people, he has a big family, after all. And as much as he is quite the reckless adrenaline junkie, he doesn’t want you doing anything extreme or pushing yourself to your limits (he pushes you to the limit enough as it is, in all aspects ;).

You think Ajax’s insanity is starting to rub on you.

Sure, you’d like to get more fit and strong, but did you really have to grab your boyfriend’s bow for your first practice?

You sigh, your shoulders already sore from drawing the big bow again and again.

But as they say, no pain, no gain.

At least you are grateful for Polar Star’s soft and supple handle, it keeps your hands (mostly) free from blistering.

You ready yourself, a look of pure concentration on your eyes, set on the target. You aim for the bull’s eye, drawing your elbow backwards, in a way that you hope resembles how Childe does it in battle.

You can picture the arrow’s trajectory, its tip infused in the vibrant hue of your vision, a perfect arch cutting through the skies above in a parable of elemental energy set for a single pinpoint destination.

You take a deep breath.

In, and out.

Then…

An all too familiar (and quite obnoxious, right now) chuckle makes your focus dissipate, akin to ocean waves lapping at the shore, dragging sandy architecture and paintings into lightless depths.

“And just what,” You begin, turning around, deep frown creasing your eyebrows. “Do you find so funny, Tartaglia?” You point the index finger not holding his bow at his chest. “Care to tell me?” You spat, wisps of venomous smoke stoked by your fiery annoyance tainting the edges of your voice.

Childe stands there, looking at you like the idiot in love he is, dumb dopey smile plastered on his unfairly kissable lips.

“Sorry, you’re so cute, sweetheart.” He manages in between chuckles.

You want to smack him over the head with his own bow, but you contain yourself: you really don’t want his weapon to get damaged, after all.

Instead, you settle for punching him on the arm, with less malice than your pout suggests.

“Do you want to see how cute I’ll look after i shoot an arrow through that empty head of yours, Childe?” You retort, arms crossed over your chest.

“Heh, I’d like to see you try, darling. Don’t you think I can’t dodge.”

At his answer, you throw your hands into the air, exasperated.

And, even though Ajax loves teasing you and sparring with you, he doesn’t really like making you angry, especially when you’re trying hard.

“But instead of that,” the harbinger starts, taking the bow from your hands. “How about I help you? You know, weapons are really personal things, what works for me, might not work well for you or another person.”

He likes how your eyes sparkle at his suggestion, your undivided attention prompting the ginger to continue.

“It’s true we can master any kind of weapon, but you need the right one for you, no matter which type you choose.”

The warrior’s calloused fingertips brush a strand of hair away from your face.

“So, how about finding the right bow for you? Sound good?”

“Fine…” You breathe, completely lost in the way the last rays of sunshine catch in the deep lakes of his gaze. It is not a sight you get to witness often, and you treasure it immensely.

“Alright!” Your boyfriend nods, picking you up, bridal style, relishing in your squeals and giggles as you both walk into the sunset.

KAEYA

Flirty little shit number 2, except instead of being helpful, he ends up distracting you more than anything.

He makes up for it in support, though. Granted, he teases you a lot, but he’s also your number one cheerleader.

Very touchy and affectionate, will not pass up any chance to leave a kiss here and there, or hold onto your waist.

Loves joining you in your workout sessions and matching outfits with you.

Very vocal, Kaeya compliments you a lot and always has words of encouragement to offer, no matter how completely exhausted or weak you feel.

You swear this is unfair.

He is being unfair.

He knows all too well what he’s doing and he must have had this planned from the moment he offered to help you with your sit-ups session.

“How about I hold your legs in place, my darling?” The cavalry captain suggested in an all too enticing and sultry tone. “Won’t that way be easier for you?”

And of course, you had to go and agree.

Like the fool for him that you are.

So now, you have to have his tempting lips practically shoved in your face every single time you do a sit-up.

You reap what you sow, as the saying goes, you chide yourself internally.

But oh, he’s so not helping at all. Pouting like that every time he keeps count, icy eyes half lidded, the frozen galaxies in them beckoning you closer to his presence.

“And fifty!” Kaeya finally exclaims, when you do the last one of the planned exercises for today. “You did great, my sweet.” The cavalry captain smiles, innocently, as if he wasn’t the main reason your face feels like it’s on fire right now.

“Why, thanks.” You reply, rather bluntly, uncapping the water bottle he just handed to you. At least you are grateful he had the decency to cool it with his vision beforehand. Throwing your head back, you take a long sip. Then:

“You volunteered to help and yet, you’re aware you didn’t make this easy in the slightest, aren’t you?” You accuse.

“My, whatever could you mean, hm?” Your boyfriend taunts, two slender fingers holding your chin in between them. “Or is my precious partner in need of some affection?”

“Oh you…” You whisper, the warmth in your heart overpowering how unnerved your knight makes you feel sometimes.

“Yes, my love?” That look of feigned innocence again.

You huff, defeated. But the smile tugging at the corner of your lips makes it quite obvious you are, indeed, very much needy for his touches and kisses.

Let’s just say, from the instant Kaeya’s hands found your hips up until the moment you’d find yourself laying down in his idyllic embrace, you got an extra work out session.

ARATAKI ITTO

Very supportive, but for the love of the archons, don’t ever let him join you.

Seriously, Itto is all heart and good intentions, but sometimes he doesn’t realize his own strength.

What to him feels like just some stretches, it might be for you the equivalent of running a marathon with a 10 kilogram heavy backpack on.

Practically worships you and the ground you walk on, though. He’s your biggest hype-man.

The trembling on your arms intensifies as you reach the end of your training session.

You hope Katheryne doesn’t have any too difficult commissions for you in store tomorrow: right now, you doubt you’ll be able to hold your weapon steadily.

You are proud of yourself for reaching your goal today, a gentle, albeit tired, smile making it to your sweaty features as you finish with some meditation and stretches.

The inazuman coast is so serene at this time of day, with the sun dipping behind the horizon, beams of purple and crimson striping the dusk sky.

A sigh escapes your lips, for this peace is always short lived. You wouldn’t have it any other way, however, you love your loud and boisterous oni too much for that.

A few more instants of tranquility pass, the late sunshine fading into luminous constellations riding in the faraway horizon, the crescent moon smiling down at two figures approaching your location.

“Boss! Please! Be quieter, now! It’s late and you can’t disturb the citizens at this hour.”

A knowing smile mimics that of the milky crescent lighting up the indigo infinity above you. You really admire your friend Shinobu’s patience.

“But Shinobu! [Y/n] will be so proud of me when I tell them about how the One and Oni Itto was proclaimed supreme king of the Great All-around Arataki Onikabuto and TCG Championship!”

The girl pinches the bridge of her nose, having had enough of her boss’s antics.

As soon as he spots you, Itto starts waving his big hands energetically, calling your name repeatedly, to Shinobu’s chagrin.

“Itto!” You run to his side, weakly hugging his broad torso. “Why don’t you tell me about today as we walk back home?” You propose, talking in a low voice.

His eyes sparkle excitedly. Sometimes, he reminds you of an adorable puppy; for someone over six feet tall, your oni boyfriend really is sweet.

“But… can I ask you to carry me, please?” You look away, slightly flustered. “Push ups are still a little hard for me.”

That night, the deputy leader of the Arataki Gang had a relaxed night, as she watched the retreating figures of an oni and his lover animatedly recounting the day’s many events.

[into-f0lkl0re]

Get to know me!!!

my name is faye!! my pronouns are she/they

i’m a lesbian! i’m 18! turning 19 in august!

i’m actually autistic + adhd (life is a struggle) (please be patient with me because i can not read social cues for the life of me and sometimes have trouble putting my thoughts into words)

i just finished my freshman year of college!! ( very scary!)

i have been writing for my whole life but writing fanfics since i was 13 but didn’t write for a long time and only recently got back into it!! i’m currently unemployed :( and have been looking for a job in my home town! ( i’m home for the summer ) i got to college out of state! i am an art student!

huge theater kid unfortunately (almost became a musical theater major)

i’m from new england! ( big noah kahan fan)

i love concerts so so much

i have been to so many

i’m an og chappell fan (yupppp ik big bragging rights over here)

i competitively swam my whole life i also did basketball ball when i was younger

i’m horrible at spelling ( it a problem thank god for grammarly)

i love reading but haven’t had that much time lately

i’m interested in writing for the uconn wbb team and iowa wbb team and wnba and some other college players like georgia amoore (loml)

i’m also interested in writing for

munagenius

chappell roan

wnba

if you want me to write for anyone else just ask

a couple rules:

hate will not be tolerated

i am pro palestine 🇵🇸 majorly

anytime i can speak up for Palestine i will

i want to be more that a place for entertainment i want to be a support system for you guys

if you need to get something off your chest or just wanna talk bb i’m right here

i will be your online big sister🙏 (acting as if i’m not the youngest in my family)

i am not responsible for your media consumption

If i write smut i am trusting that you are of age reading it but im not your mother.

at the end of the day you are responsible for you

golden rule

not every post will be a fanfic but i do wanna write a lot

i am comfortable writing smut

i will not judge with requests but if you request something i am not comfortable doing i will prob not answer so if you don’t get an answer that is most likely why

when i write i will try to write with little to know physical descriptors unless im writing about an oc.

I want everyone to be able to enjoy my writing and not feel I am writing about a certain race or body type

i will not write about men or do person x amab reader because i’m not comfortable with that

but if yall want me to write about someone that has a particular trait (physical or personality wise just ask because i will if requested)

everything i write is COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!!! In no way shape or form am i assuming somebody’s sexuality or gender identity or even who they are as a person. it is none of my business. so please keep that in mind.

i will make a master list so it’s easier to find my work i just have no idea have to do that so… (if anyone knows how please help🙏)

Big thing!!

I am a person like the rest of you. someone who is constantly growing and evolving. if you find something in my work incorrect or inaccurate please tell me anonymously or not

I really appreciate that kind of thing and i am all for growing and changing to become a more educated person

just be kind i feel there is a lack of kindness today and i think we all could use a little kindness

big forehead kissed💕

-faye

[natinkart]

✨️FEM MERCS HEADCANONS✨️ pt 3 SUPPORT

those would be mainly things directly influenced by the gender change, so like personality wise they are pretty much the same as the og

THE BIG FINALE W/ MEDIC, SNIPER AND SPY, oof this one's long and heavy...

*mentions of periods, pregnancy, conceiving and all of that, blame medic and spy, those two are fucked up, and descriptions of resentment towards ones child (it's really heavy but i dont know how to tag it help, i hope this is enough ;-;)*

medic - I like Ludwig as a surname, so she prefers to be called by that (I don't wanna search German names rn). she's bat shit crazy as og medic, so she too, didn't feel "challenged" in medical school and started doing not so legal surgeries. ok now, let's take the weird obsession that og medic has for uteruses but put it through a femminine lens. a woman with a god complex OBSESSED with the concept of reproduction and basically "creating life" is ten times more scary and menacing than the og. I firmly believe she made a procedure on herself to stop her period while keeping her ability to conceive. She just wanted to stop the pain and the bothering bleeding. so no projecting your period cramps on her, sorry 😔. she's one of the few mercs to shave, she cares about her appearance. she has a thoughtful hair and skin routine she's trying to pass to engie. medic and engie are besties. They do girls' nights in the medbay or in engie's lab in which they try to create life from scrap metal and spare body parts. Just girly things, don't worry about it. she needs 3 bottles of beer before starting to feel tipsy, she's not the best drink buddy because trying to keep up with her will most likely bring you comatose. everyone thinks she has big tits but actually, she has a big rib cage and little fat on her chest. She does not correct the others, though, she never showed her full body in the common shower. seeing the team fully naked does not bother her, she just sees future specimens, but others seeing her? that's embarrassing, that will NEVER happen.

sniper - ok, hear me out for the name, but I think Mildred would be cute, but she would prefer to be called Mindy, so her name would be Mindy Mundy. I'm a genius I know. anyway, like og sniper, she had a difficult childhood, always out of place, distant and isolated, like engie but 10 times worse. so she has EVEN WORSE care routine. no wait, correction, she DOES NOT take care of herself WHATSOEVER. she's a greasy, unkept woman with little to no care about her appearance. she has mid back length hair but she cut her front hair with scissors because they get in the way. she prefers to stay with no bra, she finds it restricting. she does sleep in the van and lived out of canned food every time she had work to do. obviously, when employed by RED she kept sleeping in the van but is grateful that heavy, scout and engie are able to cook really good meals, this kind of helped with her health. she knows how to skin animals and have great anatomical knowledge. she's neither shy or introverted, she just doesn't care about others and sometimes she's kinda of a dick, but if she actually talks to you it means that in some way she cares about you. she talks a lot with scout, even if they mainly tear each other apart, both verbally and, sometimes, physically. the fight is usually stopped by heavy or engie, the others either encourage it or do not care. she is a professional so she would never say it but she likes staying with the team, but she does say that the all have their use.

spy - uff.. ok. spy is a complicated one. an arrogant, stubborn, self centred femme fatale. she wear her mask (i'm sorry i don't remember how it's called T.T) that covers her face like og spy, but i want here to wear a neckerchief and sunglasses. she still wears a suit, but it's a woman's suit, so shorter jacket and some other small differences. the main problem with spy is that a relationship between father and son and a mother and daughter one it's REALLY DIFFERENT. if you are the one that suffered for 9 month to give birth to a human being you didn't want, you are not just gonna ignore her for the rest of her life, no, you gonna have pure hatred in you soul for your daughter… the maternal love is so easily obscured by this resentment against the child you feel ruined your life. spy's really spiteful and maybe even malicious against scout and the fact that Jenny keeps her in such high regard would only increase that love-hate sentiment. spy wants to have a loving relationship with her but she connected the very concept of her daughter to that profound hate she had for so much time that she started to loath herself. that hate towards Jenny became toward herself, but she won't admit it so she conceive that feeling behind her "disliking scout". a bond between a mother and their children is so deep that when severed in any way leaves such deep scars and may will never heal. and when your daughter sees you everyday but not her own mother, you know that wound for spy is open to the world to see. she isolates herself from the team to NEVER create a bond with anyone, she's always alone, she must know everything about others and make them scared of her, it's the only way she can keep control on her own emotion. if someone would find out ANYTHING about her she would feel vulnerable, if she bound with ANYONE she would be vulnerable, and she won't allow it. she won't never allow it again. but Jenny is the living manifestation of her vulnerability, the only time in her life in which she was happy, in love, but from where she fled the moment she had a physical representation of that. so no, she doesn't hate scout, she hates herself, she hates that she is vulnerable, that she can't be vulnerable, that she crave a loving relationship with her daughter and the consciousness she fucked everything up. her love for Jenny is so deep inside of her that is impossible to grasp, is at her very core but covered by millions of layers of hate and self loathing, all protected by the mask of a cocky and egoistic woman.

EDIT: you can find the full art line up HERE!!

pt1 | pt2

i really hope you're still here after the depression™️

[akutasoda]

Hihihi :3c do you write//would you be willing to write about a reader who is a system/w DID (dissociative identity disorder) ?? ^_^ I wanted to ask before requesting it because ik some people aren't comfortable writing about disorders that they don't have which I totally understand and respect!!!! I'm a system host and I haven't seen any readers with DID before so I'm asking around to see if anyone would be willing to write that ໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა No matter what the answer is, I hope you have an amaaaaaazing day or night <33333

it's always me in the end

synopsis - how are they with someone who has DID?

includes - atsushi, dazai, chuuya

warnings - gn!reader, reader has DID, fluff, slight angst, wc - 526

a/n: hiii! please feel free to let me know if i misunderstood anything!

atsushi nakajima ★↷

↪he isn't that familiar with various disorders, especially one's such as this but he is very open and willing to learn.

↪more so for your sake. he wants to be able to understand you and therefore offer any support he can to help.

↪it probably took him a while to get used to your different identities. but he could always tell when your 'host identity' was present.

↪he is very good at helping if you experience any amnesia or have conflicting memories. so much so that it becomes rare for you to have confusion for long.

↪and after he gets used to it he barely bats an eye when you suddenly switch up. whether you've taken up a different age or gender for your identity he acts normal.

↪he knows its you somewhere in there and therefore any identity you throw at him he treats it as he would you. afterall it is always you at the end of the day.

osamu dazai ★↷

↪while he is aware of many different disorders and such, he isn't that great at helping out those with them. but he would always try for you.

↪and you could tell he was absolutely trying his hardest to learn and understand everything about it even if you couldn't help him.

↪he became very good at matching the energy if the identity you changed to. this way he could understand your new state much better and help any problems.

↪if you experience any amnesia or conflicting memories, it did scare him at first. he didn't show it but he truly did fear that you would forget him entirely. you'd forget him and he would yet again lose someone he cares about.

↪this made him work so much to help you overcome any amnesia. but after he did get used to it, he became more curious if anything.

↪ he understands that you might be scared if you have no control on when your identities take over and so he tries to comfort you when you return to your 'host identity'.

chuuya nakahara ★↷

↪it takes him quite a while to wise up and understand you slightly. he truly tries but he finds it difficult to truly understand you.

↪he wants to be able to help, to be somewhat of a comfort for your actual identity to return to but he just gets so confused by your various identities that it's difficult for him.

↪mainly because he stresses himself out by imagining how you feel. if you can't control the different identities he can imagine how scary that might be to you especially when amnesia is also a possibility.

↪but eventually he comes round to it and becomes the absolute best at helping you out. he's practically got all your different identities mapped out.

↪he can always tell which one's which and he wont lie when he say's that he always prefers when your 'host identity' comes back.

↪but he would always try his hardest for you, as he truly cares and he wants to be able to understand what you're facing and if he can help you in any way.

[yanderes-galore]

Oooh yandere platonic Moana vs yandere romantic Gaston concept/hcs with a reader who can control the weather please. 

I decided to keep this mostly general for the sake of plot... it's just easier plot-wise, my apologies 😔 Also, I stopped playing before Moana was released so I hope I get things right. Not proofread, sorry for mistakes and length!

Yandere! Platonic! Moana vs Yandere! Romantic! Gaston

Pairing: Platonic (Moana)/Romantic (Gaston) - Rivalry

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Overprotective/Possessive behavior, Flirting, Violence, Manipulation, Jealousy, Dubious/Forced companionship and relationship themes.

Moana is said to be a natural leader and guide for her team of guardians.

She's able to see the weak points of her enemies and guides her fellow guardians to it.

We can assume Moana keeps her personality from her movie.

She's strong willed and fearless.

In this concept she's your best friend, a fellow guardian who works with you to take down Fractured.

You're a guardian who can use elemental attacks/control the weather to benefit your team.

Then there's Gaston, another guardian who frequents your team along with Moana in this case.

Gaston is an arrogant and ruthless hunter despite being a guardian

He boasts about being an expert marksman and tracker.

Honestly, he gets on the nerves of the two of you, but he's a valuable part of your team.

As a result you tolerate him.

Moana, however, has never really liked him.

The two are from very different universes.

Not only that, but the two are attached to you in their own way.

They've grown attached to you due to you three being teamed together many times.

Others thought you all worked well together.

For the most part, yes, you did.

That was until personal relationships began getting in the way.

Moana grew attached to you like an overprotective friend.

Taking on a leadership role in the group, she feels responsible for your safety due to being your friend and a leader.

Gaston's attachment is much less platonic.

Gaston, the arrogant man he is, is incredibly flirtatious towards you.

He sees you as a romantic partner he must court.

After all... he's the best in the land!

You could need no other!

As a result there is times your team can become dysfunctional due to Moana and Gaston not getting along.

Moana really is trying to keep the team together while also defending you.

She doesn't think you need a man like Gaston.

You could probably do so much better... in fact, she feels you deserve better.

As a result she tries to prevent Gaston's flirting attempts.

You're never alone with Gaston, Moana is always lurking right there.

Meanwhile Gaston is showing evident frustration at the fact your friend is so defensive.

What does she think she's doing?

Is she trying to sabotage him?

Knowing Gaston, he isn't going to let that slide.

Which leads to your team falling apart.

While your team had synergy before with Moana pointing out weak spots and Gaston effortlessly sniping them while you supply weather support... now they do nothing but fight.

Unbeknownst to them they are driving you away from them.

While Moana feels she is protecting her friend and Gaston feels he is winning you over... they are doing neither.

Instead they are driving you out of the team.

However, any attempt to leave is quickly snuffed out.

Moana is quick to tell you she can make things work.

Gaston is also quick to say he'll "behave" around you if it means you'll stay.

It's a constant set of push and pull factors.

They promise to do better right before driving you away again.

You feel really trapped with them.

Moana tries to offer you the comforting words of a friend.

She hugs you and sings praises for you.

However, Gaston feels he has to do better than Moana to comfort you.

Gaston nearly smothers you in praise and affection when you show negative emotion.

Wants gifts? He's gotten some from his hunts.

Hugs? His are so much better than Moana's... bonecrushing, even.

The two do everything they can to prevent you from leaving but still blame each other for your feelings in the first place.

You can try sneaking off but the two watch you like hawks.

You aren't going anywhere without at least one of them pouncing on the opportunity.

The overall dynamic is definitely "Overprotective best friend protecting her friend from overly flirty/sketchy guy."

They both probably mean well with you, mostly Moana, but it doesn't come off that way.

Slowly your freedom is constricted by the two.

You loathe their fighting but it's all you ever see.

You're stuck.

It doesn't help that their fights begin to show physical signs as time goes on.

At some point... someone will snap...

You just have no idea who will do it first.

[agent-calivide]

IEYTD 3 Theory

I fully plan on making a full blown theory video compiling all of my evidence, HOWEVER, I am also an impatient bitch who wants to be able to say "I called it" in case this ends up taking a month to make or something like that- so enjoy a new textwall :)

MAJOR IEYTD 3 SPOILERS

In the latest game, you can find seven coins known as phantom coins that are left by a mysterious person known only as the Phantom. Six of them are hidden in each level and then one additional one you find in your main hub that you unlock after beating the game. Getting all the coins reveals a note left by the phantom that reads: “It seems you’re as good as they say, Phoenix. They used to say I was good, too. But I made a choice. And before they get you killed, I hope you realize you have the same choice: to die or to live.”

At the bottom there's a code that reads “I Expect You To Live” when deciphered. There's also notably a line from the Handler where he comments on how the person who gets those coins where they need to be has to be even stealthier than Phoenix, which is impressive since Phoenix is the top agent currently.

But it wasn’t always that way. Phoenix has only recently risen to Agency Fame, there was an agent that was number one before them, and we know who it is. At the end of every level in IEYTD 3, we open in a board room of sorts, looking down at our office in the Babadag EOD base, and to the side of us there’s a wall of portraits, all of various important figureheads of the EOD. The director, the our handler, doctor Prism, etcetera, but one of them is missing. Snoop around, and you find a portrait of a young, brunette woman, V. Vitti, reveled to be Valeri Vitti if you play with subtitles on, and she is labeled as the lead field agent. The previous number one.

Between the fact that she was taken off the wall and hidden, it didn’t take long to conclude that VV was the Phantom, supported by the fact that the star icon that’s associated with the phantom looks like two interlocking V’s. Valeri Vitti.

Now we know who the phantom is, but that doesn’t really do much for us story wise other than maybe the promise of facing our predecessor in a future game, how does a character that’s never been mentioned even in passing until now really pack a narrative punch? Except, the phantom has been there, even if she was never mentioned.

In the first game, in operation Winter Break, we see a portrait of a young brunette woman in Zor’s office. The very same woman who’s in a group photo with all of the other figureheads, V. Vitti. I’ve seen a lot of people conclude that this means that either Vitti is Zor, or she’s working with Zor, but I don’t personally buy it.

When it comes to her being Zor, it doesn’t really make sense. Zor is shown to be very protective of their identity, not only using voice modulators any time they talk to Phoenix, but also using the neutral terms “they/them” according to the devs in the official discord. As far as I know, this has not changed, even if Schell uses “he” on occasion while talking about the game in interviews. Functionally, when talking about the context of the games and what we’ve been presented, we aren’t supposed to know anything about Zor. Race, gender, age, it’s all up in the air, a nebulous void of information. And we’re supposed to think this person? Who has hidden their identity to the point of having a completely blank file with nothing but “confidential” slapped all over it also has a massive portrait of themselves in their office? Not only that, but in their office that’s primed to go off with traps in case an agent gets in? It seems reckless at best, and honestly really out of character to me.

Zor having an egotistical display of themselves in their office is more like something Juniper would do. Zor isn’t one to lavish themselves in attention and make themselves the focus of anything. They only come out of the shadows when things get serious. Phoenix interrupting the peacekeeper, finding their hidden lab where they ran the kinesium experiments that could foil their entire plot, getting to Operation K-Boom and working with Prism to thwart their other major scheme. They wouldn’t just have their whole identity on display and risk losing their anonymity. But you know what it does look like? A photo of a loved one on your desk. It’s quite common in offices, be it corporate or cubical, to have photos of your loved ones to get you through the day, to remember what you’re doing it for while you’re making a thousand spreadsheets and wanting to bash your head into your desk. It’s a way to have a piece of yourself and what you care about at work.

So Zor knows the Phantom but isn’t her, why would they not be working together in that case? After all, the Phantom seems just on keen on getting Phoenix off the field as Zor, isn’t that a good sign that they have the same goals?

Not exactly.

Zor shows such contempt for Phoenix, they want that agent dead, and they want it to be as soon as possible. They don’t want Phoenix off the field by any means necessary, even if that’s a comfy retirement, they want them gone. Out of the picture, they celebrate when Phoenix dies. If you look at the coroner report, there’s a note in the corner from Zor that says they understand if people want to take time to celebrate. Zor, the person who has crummy escape pods for their workers that frequently lead to their Operatives getting killed, has little qualms about dropping their scientists into fiery infernos over who knows how minor of an infraction, has their workers in the mines do inhumanly long shifts and simply won’t let them leave, and in some cases outright lies to their workers and leaves them abandoned at work sites like Ollie in the underwater lab, gives permission for their workers to party, if for a short while, in the event of the death of the Phoenix.

That goes beyond some minor or even major inconvenience, Zor puts their basic fundamentals aside to allow everyone a window of celebration in the even of Phoenix’s death. There is no way they’d leave a note saying they expect Phoenix to put themselves first and take care of themselves, to put themselves before the EOD. Nor would any of their top operatives or moles, everyone at Zoraxis despises Phoenix, and it’s Phoenix in specific. None of these people want Phoenix to go have a peaceful life in the country side, they want to mount the agents head on a wall like a trophy.

But someone who would?

A former agent who was in Phoenix’s exact shoes.

Throughout IEYTD 3, you can flip between Public Radio and Agency Radio. The public radio is mostly just the game soundtrack with a few little advertisements that tell you more about the world, but the Agency radio is much more interesting. Through it, we get updates on the EOD’s world, we hear a handler give run-downs to all of the agents about what’s going on with the Kinesium experiments, what’s going on with Prism, rules about staying a football field away from other agents, things like that. But one of the first things we hear from this agency broadcast is that Agent Phoenix is not just a secret agent. They’re a famous secret agent. One so big that the amount of agents joining the EOD is staggering, and they’ll run out of kinesium for their TK chips at this rate.

A funny little side tangent for sure, but consider: What’s keeping former agents off of those radio waves? Nothing, in fact, we see that the station is compromised in a note left BY the Phantom, and the last phantom coin you get is by entering a code left on your desk by them with said note. So who’s to say Vitti didn’t have access to an agency radio, heard everything that was going on with the Phoenix, and chose to step in. To let them know that there is another option. That Phoenix doesn’t have to keep risking their life for an agency that treats them like a number and a trophy rather than a person. But she didn't want her identity potentially outed, so she quickly took her photo off the wall and tucked it into a hiding space in hopes of Phoenix not finding it.

But Zor does know Vitti. After all, her portrait is in their office. Which leads to my next point, we hear in Operation: Squeaky Clean from the first game that Zor’s not doing these things because they’re just a bad person who wants to watch the world burn. They specifically want vengeance on the agency, but vengeance for what? Sure, it could just be the agency constantly getting in the way of their plans, but what made them start in the first place? What drove them to decide that they wanted to go down this route of villainy? Surely there’s gotta be something other than just “they want to rule the world”, Zor basically already ruled it at the beginning of the series. They’re a corporate billionaire that was able to get away with filling popsicles with enough lead to kill a person instantly, and they didn’t get anything more than a slap on the wrist? They could have done anything they wanted at that point, why make a giant death laser in outer space, they coulda spent that money doing literally anything else?

But who do they aim it at? Not the heads of state. Not a symbol of peace. Not even a test run in the ocean. Their first ever laser strike is aimed at an EOD base. An EOD base with the man that at some point was the lead support agent, someone who knew Vitti personally, Reginald Crane. Our Handler. That wasn’t a random shot, nor was it a scheme to take over the world. It was a personal attack on the Enhanced Operatives Division.

So, jump a few pet sharks with me as I spin a story for you. The EOD is established and has dozens, hundreds of competent agents even, and they’re able to stop international global crisis and villainous organizations by working underground. As time goes on, one agent stands out from the rest, Valari Vitti, an agent so good at sneaking in without a trace, she quickly climbs the ranks and becomes the lead field agent at the EOD.

But people are more than just their work, as is Vitti. She could be a friend, a sister, or, and this is my personal theory, someone’s lover. Their wife. Sure, working at the EOD is dangerous, but that’s just part of it, and if her partner knew, say they too worked at the EOD or Vitti was simply able to open up about her work, then there’d be no secrets. A needed relief from the stress of agency things. No need for a double life, she’d be able to be herself around them.

But as she keeps progressing up the ranks, she realizes things can’t go on like this forever. She can’t keep going to this dangerous job, there are risks! How long until she was hurt? Maimed? Killed!? She can’t keep doing this. It’s not viable, she likely will die if she doesn’t make this decision for herself and leave.

So. She does. She doesn’t resign, doesn’t go through the process of making an official exit, she just disappears. If she simply resigned, her photo wouldn’t still be up, and it sure as heck wouldn’t be tucked away in the pot of a random snake plant. The EOD could have found her a replacement, some sort of backup, anyone who’s worked in business has watched a coworker die and get replaced in chillingly short time, something the EOD doesn’t seem to be above. They can’t afford to be above it, agents die every day.

So there’s no reason for Vitti’s portrait to still be in that frame if she died. But if she simply vanished, then that could explain why she’s still up there on that wall. The EOD didn’t replace her, because they may have still been looking for her. We know that when an agent vanishes, the EOD sends people to try and recover them. The site of the PeaceKeeper is checked for Phoenix’s body, we know it is thanks to Reginald’s recording at the end of IEYTD 2. The EOD always will try to find an agent or what remains of them.

Over time, perhaps they gave up. Went to close the case but never got around to it because the EOD is always busy.

But Vitti’s spouse never forgot. They sure as hell never forgave either. Their wife was gone without a trace, and they had nothing left of her but her photos and an EOD lighter that they keep in a safe in their office. They knew they had to get revenge, they had to make the people that took their loved one suffer. So, they went to work. They established a business and gave themselves the fake name Zor and called the business Zoraxis.

They hunker down, and simply plot and scheme for a while. They claw their way up the social and economic ladder. They cut every corner, take every shortcut, and they hoard as much money as they possibly can and establish themselves as a cruel, immoral person that doesn’t care about the health or safety of their workers on the way up. As time goes on, they start their second half of their plan: Creating an entire establishment with the main goal of taking down the EOD.

They take in anyone who will help with their goals, the more deranged the better. A scientist who loves to burn things and wants to create a super laser? Give her the money and tell her to fire her first shot at the building their late wife used to work at. An unhinged fashion designer obsessed with maiming and death? Wonderful, you can deal with all the pains in my side that get in the way. Anything to finally bring down the people who cost them everything.

But the Death Engine didn’t work. Not only did some random pest destroy it, it didn’t even take down one of the people they wanted dead the most, the lead Support Agent. Maybe Zor particularly hates the man who was supposed to be watching Vitti, keeping her safe. And now?

Not only is he alive, but he’s taken on a new agent who’s taking Vitti’s place? Some random nobody who’s been a pest, who should have died ages ago, not only was getting in their way, but was also apparently good enough to replace their lost loved one without so much as a passing glance? No. They were going to take down the EOD one way or another. The EOD’s a secret organization from even the government, maybe if they take hostile control then they’ll be able to take them down. Sure, the EOD survived a laser, but there’s no way they’ll survive nukes, right? Surely, surely that will get them their revenge-

But no. That agent comes back. They come back and ruin everything. By the time Operation K-Boom happens, not only has the Phoenix ruined several of their most complicated plans that were years in the making, but they had solidly taken the position of their late wife. They took the only thing she had left. A legacy. How dare that pesky Phoenix think they can just step in and replace the one they hold dearly so carelessly? So thoughtlessly? They. Had. To. Die.

Of course, it doesn’t work. Phoenix wins, and Zor is back to the drawing board. The only major thing that gets in the way of this is why wouldn’t Vitti tell her partner that she was leaving the EOD? Going into hiding? Well, the IEYTD franchise isn’t a stranger to having agents split off. In Operation Fifth Class, we see Phoenix try to rescue a woman known as Anna Ulanova. Anna says a few things to the agent, but the last thing we hear is her saying she’d try to come find them, but she had a suspicion that they wouldn’t leave their life. They wouldn’t quit fieldwork.

So we’ve seen cases where there’s an agent and someone who’s not quite in the circle but is aware of what’s going on splitting off because the agent can’t stop putting work first. In the same vein, we’ve seen other relationships fall apart due to someone being unable to stop putting work first.

Leading up to the third game, Schell games released a bunch of ciphers and puzzles that lead to minor lore drops. One of them was shawnsdesk, a collection of files made by Shawn in HR about various characters from the franchise. Most of them were important characters. Solaris, Fabricator, Juniper, Zor, but there were two that were notable.

Shawn in HR, and Sam in accounting. Shawn’s is, of course, mostly just him inflating his own ego and talking about how good he is at making files on all of the people at the EOD, but Sam is where it gets interesting.

We have heard nothing about Sam at this point, and looking over the file, it’s messy. Full of snide insults, catty remarks, Shawn filling this report with resentment, but over what? A bad breakup. Sam telling Shawn that he can’t be with him because Shawn won’t stop putting work first. Why would Schell show us this now, during this window of time where everyone's clawing for more lore and content of the third game? Why show a random lover's quarrel in the middle of all of this story relevant content? I suspect that it's because Shawn and Sam's story is lore relevant, it's just not their lore we're meant to be focused on.

This series has a running theme of two people getting along, maybe even being in love or romantically inclined, and then it falling apart because someone can’t stop putting work first. Phoenix and Anna, Sam and Shawn, and now, or rather long in the past, Vitti and Zor. Maybe, the two were in a rough patch, or had gotten into arguments about Vitti's dangerous work. Maybe she was sick of feeling this upset resentment for her partner and decided she didn’t just want to quit the EOD and try to fix things with Zor. She wanted out. She wanted to start over. Completely over. She wanted to live.

[petertingle-yipyip]

CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE - MIGUEL OHARA

//idk why this took so long to post, it was already done when i revisited it. edit: nvm its cause i kinda missed some of the request//

Pairing: dad!miguel x GN!reader

Word Count: 1,801

Summary (request): hii, this is platonic request! can you do a fic where miguel comforts a reader ( gender neutral if possible ) who's turned 18 recently and is super anxious because their parents are pressuring them to pick a career/collage, decide what they wanna do in the future, etc and it's all making them feel really overwhelmed and restless?

“Hey there, kiddo.” Your dad strided into your room with your mom in tow. “How’s homework?”

“It’s fine.” You answered quizzically. “What’s going on here?” You gestured to the two of them.

“Well, we just came to see if you needed anything.”

“No, I’m okay. Thanks though.”

“Honey.” Your mom offered your dad a look and you could tell there was something else.

“Okay.” You sighed and pushed away from your desk. “What’s going on?”

“What do you mean?” Your dad tried, which earned him a pointed look from you.

“Alright, alright.” He put his hands up in surrender. “Your mother and I-”

“You need to start thinking about your next step.” Your mom cut in.

“Oh… Guys, I’ve still got time.” You tried. “Besides, I’m not sure what I want to major in.”

And that was true. There was so much going on with your vigilantism and latest recruitment into the Spider Society that you hadn’t had time to sit and think about your major, let alone what school you wanted. You knew MIT and Columbia were great options. Harvard was on the table, as were the other Ivys. But what was the point of applying if you didn’t know why you would be there?

“Calendar wise, yes, there’s time. But you know how steep the competition to these higher schools can be. Are you ready for the SATs? Or the ACTs?” Your mom continued, and her high emotions began to grate your own sensitive nerves.

“Mom.” You tried.

“We’ll pay the application fees.” Your dad offered, though your mom was still on her rant.

“No, I don’t need you to.” You told him.

“And your personal essay, what would you write about? Do you have any ideas? Oh goodness, there’s so much to do.”

“Mom.” You said roughly, finally cutting through her own words. “I don’t know, okay? I’ve been busy… I haven’t thought about it.”

“You can’t waste time anymore, Y/N.” Your mom said firmly, pushing your chair back against the desk.

“I’m not wasting time, Mom. Please just relax.”

“Sweetie, maybe Y/N needs to do this at a different pace.” Your dad offered and you gave a thankful expression.

“I don’t care.” She snapped. “My child won’t miss an opportunity because of hesitation.”

She slid your laptop in front of you and then leaned down to meet your eyes. “This is your chance to get somewhere better than this.”

“I like where I come from.” You said honestly.

“That doesn’t mean you have to stay here.”

“How about I take Y/N to the library to do these?” Your dad offered. “Wi-fi’s been acting up today.”

“Yeah, and maybe I’ll find inspiration.” You added on. “I can look through some books and see if anything feels right… I get what you’re saying, Mom, but I don’t want to rush into something I shouldn’t.”

She blew out a sigh and stood straight. “Fine.” She conceeded. “But please, get at least two done today.”

“Yeah, okay.” You nodded, figuring you could at least do that much, even if just to please your mom.

After all, she had given you everything she could growing up. Her and your dad gave up a lot so you would have what you needed and what you wanted. You didn’t have everything under the sun but you had more than enough. And that dedication was what inspired your actions as a spider-person. Your parents looked out for you in ways no one else ever would. They put everything on the line for a payout that didn’t always go in their favor, but in yours.

And being able to give that back to the community you grew up in, the community that supported you and welcomed you. That was what you wanted your adult life to be, something so giving and so genuine that it could inspire someone else to do the same.

But what kind of career or schooling could give that to you?

When your dad dropped you off, he gave you his credit card and said your mom would be checking the account to see the pending charge so you had to keep your end of the deal. You offered a laugh and thanked him for getting you out of the house.

“Kid, I know she’s a bit overbearing but she wants what’s best for you.” Your dad said honestly.

“I know, Dad.” You nodded. “I’m just a little bit caught in the middle right now. Can’t look too far ahead.”

“Can’t look back, either… Remember where you come from, of course, but don’t let it hold you back. Okay?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“Call when you’re done.”

You offered a lazy sluate before skipping up the library steps. Once your dad’s car was out of view, you ducked around the side of the building to the library’s alley. You pulled your watch from your backpack before tucking it behind the usual pile of boxes and fit the device into place. You weren’t even in your suit but you’d wandered HQ in your pajamas before, so coming in your school clothes wouldn’t be a big deal.

Once you stepped through your portal, various spider-people greeted you in the halls. You offered nods or waves but didn’t stop for much conversation, not until you reached the head honcho’s office.

“What are you doing here?” He asked without turning to face you. Surprisingly, his platform was actually ground level today, meaning no one had annoyed him enough to raise it. “Don’t you have something else you should be doing?”

“No.” You shrugged. “It’s still daylight back home and the weirdos don’t start till dusk, at least so…”

“Not what I meant.”

“Then what?”

“Those college applications you promised your mom.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah, oh.”

“Why are you spying on me anyway?” You asked, hoping to change the subject.

“Because you, insectito, are the biggest pain the ass here… So what’s the problem then?”

“I don’t know what I wanna do with my life.” You said honestly, scooting some of his papers over so you could sit on the desk. “Mom wants me to just throw my name in the pot everywhere to see what happens and Dad just wants to make Mom happy.”

“Mmm.. And what do you want?”

You shrugged. “I dunno.”

“What do you like to do? Any classes in school get you excited?”

“Not really.. Bio is cool sometimes but..”

“That’s a start.” He glanced over with a small, almost proud smile that lasted half a second. “Biology major is broad enough to start picking schools.”

“I guess but-”

“What about bio do you like?”

“Miguel, can you just-”

“People, plants, or animals?”

You groaned and flopped backwards on the desk, throwing your arms over your eyes. You thought coming to Miguel would be a good time to rant and not be given advice, because half of the time he seemed to drown out your voice anyways. But of course the one time you just needed him to ignore your words, he had to do the exact opposite of what you wanted.

“You’re the worst.” You muttered, to which you felt a kick to your foot. “Hey!”

“Y/N, your parents are right.” He started and you groaned again. “You’re a smart kid but you have to find some sort of direction.”

“I’m just caught up in the middle, trying to keep going.. But it’s just not that simple.” You complained and when you got no answer, you kept talking. “But I have to keep going or they’ll call me a quitter.”

“Who will?”

“Everyone.” You shrugged. “I don’t know, probably no one.”

Miguel turned fully and took hold of your arms to haul you upright. You let out a loud sound of complaint as he did so and you didn’t bother to fight it, not that you’d have much of a chance to do so anyway. You dramatically let your head fall back so you could see his expression and he looked down at you with a small smile. You huffed a sigh and raised your brows expectantly as you waited for him to say something.

“What about a geneticist?” He offered and you were taken aback, no doubt your face showing it because he gave a quick chuckle. “I’m serious.”

“Yeah, you usually are but what the hell are you talking about?” You said in bewilderment.

He shrugged slightly before turning back to his work and you couldn’t help but follow him.

“You’re always lurking around to see what I’m doing.” He explained. “You ask questions about what I do and how all of my stuff works.”

“Like that injection you refuse to talk about.” You agreed and peaked up with a questioning expression. Without looking at you, he pushed your face away.

“Exactly.” He agreed with a nod. “And then you could study your own DNA and see if you can find anything cool.”

“I could give myself fangs!” You yelled with excitement before camping a hand over your mouth when you realized how loud you were.

“Yeah, and then you give yourself a lisp.” He rolled his eyes slightly. “What I’m saying is that maybe some sort of higher level biology career is where you’re heading… You’re one of the smarter spiders around here anyways. Might as well do something other than engineering.”

“Don’t you think science in general is a bit stereotypical for a spider? … Oh, shit. Is it our canon?”

“No.” He laughed a little. “There’s a Peter Parker around here that’s a photographer for a newspaper.”

“Oh.. That’s fun?” You tried.

“He takes fake candids of Spiderman and sells them to his Daily Bugle.” Miguel deadpanned and you laughed. “Not every spider leads a strenuous academic life.”

“But you think I could?”

“I think you should. Y/N, you’re always challenging yourself physically. Maybe it’s time to do it academically.” He shrugged. “But what do I know?”

You pursed your lips in thought as you considered his words. Maybe not genetics, but a STEM field could be fun. And with your current academic status, you’d be able to swing one of the better programs with better labs and better opportunities. You could try your hand at different branches and see what stuck. Even if you didn’t find one, you’d have a better direction for a graduate school at the very least.

“Thanks.” You said honestly with a small smile. “That actually helped… You always do.”

He put a hand on your head and gave you a small shake that made you laugh.

You went home after that and headed straight into the library after you fished out your backpack. You ended up doing four applications and got a text from your mom after each one. With every submission, you felt a little less stuck.

[theerurishipper]

What's ur opinion on the whole "Blame the writing not the character" thing for writing, cause I think miraculous and its Fandom is a weird case.

Normally I prefer approaching everything from the "Blame the character" angle because at the end of the day all a character is IS their writing (this also applies to good things oc, not just bad). Especially regarding their emotions I don't see much purpose in distancing everything one doesn like about a character from them by saying "Oh, it's just the writing. Disregard it, tahts not who the character truly is" cause at some point that just reads as.. kinda refusing to acknowledge who the character on screen actually is bc one doesn like it.

Miraculous is just a weird case. You can smell the meta decisions 10 miles against the wind - like Marinette and Alya for some reason being able to beat Adrien in battle and Cat Noir pre-s5 being "incompetent". You know exactly that this is not character based writing, Cat has to be weaker than Ladybug and Scarabella because they're girls and they have to look good. It's hard saying Adrien is a weaker fighter in all those cases, or when the temp heros need to be brought in, because you at some level know exactly that there is a meta reason behind it. And that makes it hard to discredit him for that just as much as it's harder to actually give the girls credit for their abilities. They shouldn't be able to beat him so easily, but they do because of their gender and this shows "rules". Just like there is no actual reason in-universe for why he's suddenly on Ladybug's level in season 5. It just is.

(kinda weird how the show also never gave Kagami credit for being a trained fighter either. I guess they thought they can't acknowledge her training either or else they couldn't get away with making Adrien weaker as Cat Noir. So they probably dead ass denied Kagami her special spotlight too for shallow reasons (but at least their consistent)

But on the other hand, I personally don't think Marinette and Adrien leaving in Kwamis choice without saying goodbye to each other is out of character the way most people say it and then just disregard it by saying "it's the writing, not the characters". Rewatching that two parter, it set up alot from the finale, and I don't think them leaving each other like that is out of character just a harsh reality check where we are at after s4.

They never came out of that season actually "better" partnership wise just because Adrien decided to stay by her side these two times and remained kind and supportive. That was decided to be the Cat's definitive job towards the Ladybug so that's what he's continuing to do but that doesn't really concern anything beyond that. In my opinion it is very much questionable how much Ladybug and Cat Noir are actually REAL FRIENDS and not just kind collegues the way Marinette wanted in s4 (with potential for real friendship under better circumstances).

That's also why Adrien gave himself up in the finale, no? If they were real friends he would have been able to ask for her help as she was the only one who could have kept him save because of her yo-yo. But they're just kind collegues, so he didn't.

And just because he stayed her teammate doesn't it mean he's still in love with Ladybug or that he still WANTS to be in love with her after all that pain it caused him. So he made a harsh decision thanks to Plagg and prioritized finally being happy and getting some stability, especially because Gabriel was being fake loving.

And Marinette's romantic feelings for Cat Noir and her acknowledgment of him all together have always been of shakey and chaotic nature. Her feelings for him really started whne she was at her lowest an thinking herself all alone while also being afraid of her feelings for Adrien.

This was from the get go an already dark orange sign for how genuine her feelings are (desperation is always an iffy foundation) and as others already said, she's never seeing more in him than the mask. How can you say you really love a person when you only acknowledge half of their personhood? Marinette only started taking interest in who Cat is when she started getting frustrated by him not reacting the way she wanted him to. If he had I don't think Marinette would have thought about wanting to know who he really is, it really came across like a frustration thing which explained why she was so reckless about it in Elation, and why she then left afterwards.

I don't wanna say she saw no purpose in him anymore after being rejected by him (that's too strong) but we already saw in season 4 that Marinette's treatment or acknowledge of Cat Noir very much reflects what use and purpose she sees in him, hence why he was basically reduced to an irrelevant footnote by the end of season 4. Yes, she wanted him there as teammate but thats it. It's still questionable in my opinion if she even noticed him not showing up anymore at the beginning of Kuro Neko since she reacts surprised when the reporter points out his absence and then claims towards Plagg Cat should be happy that he gets to have time off, as if she just convinced herself that she generously allowed him a week off instead of her having been so deep in team leader mode that she didn't even notice him not showing up anymore.

Marinette not noticing him having stopped showing up is a harsh characterization, but I wouldn't call it out of character in the broader sense.

So her leaving when he rejects her, because she doesn't want to be his friend and teammate but his girlfriend and he said no? Can't say thats out of character either because the show is also really consistent in her characterization that she doesn't see much value in being friends with Adrien either because she loves him, so being friends is the worst thing possible for her.

À décision being harsh and not what one likes doesn mean it's out of character and one should distance the event from the character in one's head.

I think Kwamis choice makes alot of sense, as does the focus on Adrinette instead of Ladynoir, and how the finale played out.

Which goes back to my original question. It's very obvious that there are 20. 000 meta reason controlling the narrative, but in my opinion only in a specific way. Everything still makes sense in my opinion, it just feels so CONTROLLED.

Marinette is a mouthpiece for the writers messages but even if I think the messages are fucked up and hypocritical, I can't say any of it was ever out of character for her?

You get what I mean?

Yeah, I get that. I myself approach it from the "blame the writers" way, but like you said, it's a blurry line. What tips me over ultimately is the fact that Marinette should have grown but clearly didn't. What she does isn't out of character for her for sure, but as far as the writers are concerned, she has grown and she is better, and all the stuff she's doing isn't really a bad thing. So, I can't in good conscience blame the character for being bad when the people who are bringing her to life are the ones who really believe all the stuff that's being said through her. She's supposed to have developed as per the writers' vision, but clearly, she hasn't. It's bad writing, and that really isn't the character's fault. That's how I see it.

Thank you for your ask!

[animentality]

Hiya. Little chance you'll see/respond to this, but I thought I'd throw it out there anyway. I'm kind of stuck, gender-wise. As a gender-fluid afab person, I kind of know where I want my transition to go, with both T and surgery. The problem is, my very lesbian partner has some squicks about the way I want my transition to go, (namely the clitoromegaly and metoidioplasty.) I haven't talked to her about this yet, because of the squicks. (I know I need to, it's just something I haven't built up to yet.) There's a lot of love in the community for the effects of going on T that I want, which makes me feel good, but knowing my partner would no longer find me attractive because of it is. distressing. This is complicated by the fact that I do sex work, so I'm putting off transition anyway to retain my audience. I know I need to stop letting other people's approval and attraction dictate what I'm doing with my body, but it's money to live off of and I desperately love my partner, (and I'm used to sublimating what I want for others.) I don't know if you have or care to give any advice or response, but even just typing this out and sending it is making me feel better, so thank you <3

I get it, friend.

I really do. You know it's what you want, but you're also afraid of how much it'll change things.

And I don't blame you. There's always comfort in stability and the status quo. holding on to things you've grown so used to having, that you worry you might not be able to survive without them.

But if you know it's what you want- and I think it must be, otherwise would it really be a difficult decision? - then you'll find some peace in knowing that things are never as stable as they seem anyway.

you have to pursue the things that will make you happy in this life. it's the most important thing. sometimes that means choosing something that's harder to do, in the short term, but will bring you peace in the long term.

and yeah, it will be uncomfortable and painful if, or when, your partner no longer finds you attractive because of the transition, but if she really loves you, and cares for you as a person, then she'll support you, even if it's only as a friend. she won't cut you out of her life, if she loves you as much as you love her.

And I know that sounds bad, but the truth is, people are attracted to what they're attracted to. Now that doesn't mean she definitely will lose interest in you, though. Because honestly, I think you definitely need to talk about it, and maybe you'll be surprised.

I have known lesbians who have a few exceptions, just as there are straight people with their own "gay exceptions."

And transition isn't exactly a new practice or anything, but transition surgeries sort of are, in the grand scheme of things. they can be kind of disturbing to people, even supportive people, at first, because surgeries in general are always disturbing.

something primal in us just doesn't like the idea of letting someone else cut into our flesh and rearrange all the parts inside. it's instinctive, i think. but just as you can grow and change, so can other people.

even if they never ever thought about it before.

life is kinda funny like that. you can think you'll never ever do something, but then someone else might come along, someone you desperately want to be with, and then you'll become more than you ever expected you would be. and you'd do it together.

but you definitely need to talk to her. she might surprise you. or she might surprise herself, actually, if you give her the time to consider how it'll change your relationship.

But if she's no longer attracted to you, and if you break up, well, relationships always fall apart when one person wants to stay the same, but the other desires growth, and change. It might seem terrifying, not to have her as a romantic partner, and maybe you're afraid you'll never find someone else, but these things are normal, these things are not as scary as they seem.

All human beings, trans, cis, het, gay, bi, have to deal with the fact that people change and some relationships end. Some people can adapt, and stay together. Some can't.

Some people lose interest in their partners over many, many years, and some people can't stay in relationships with people who become sick, or disfigured, who have horrible injuries that change who they are. Life doesn't go the way you plan, ever.

So you aren't alone in that feeling. And I hope that your community is there to support you too, so that you don't feel alone in this either.

You might consider joining groups, or finding people, who know what it's like to lose partners because of transition, by the way.

It's always good to have a network of support.

Now as for the sex work... listen, I don't know your financial situation. if it makes sense to not transition right now, to put it off so you can pay the bills, have a roof over your head, then you can always wait as long as you need to.

But I wouldn't let that hold you back either.

Financial stability is very important, and being able to pay for food is your first need and all that, but emotional and psychological fulfillment are important too.

so in the future, if you have the money, or maybe find other jobs, or other means of income, then don't let it stop you.

and also, if you enjoy sex work, and you don't want to stop doing it, or having it as an option...you can find another audience.

it might be smaller, and different, and you might have to start from the ground up, but if you already have an audience that makes you good money, then you're resourceful. you're creative.

you can do this. all of this.

but anyway.

my advice to you is...do what you need to do, to make money, but remember that life is primarily about being happy. it can't always be happy, but...the end goal is happiness.

you have to go looking for it, though.

even if it doesn't look the way it used to, that's the grand adventure called living.

thanks for the ask.

always feel free to vent to me, by the way, especially about this, because as a transmac, I get it.

I personally only would want top surgery, but I understand completely the afabs who want to fully transition.

I remember the first time I used my name, and not my deadname...I remember the joy I felt, when my friends started calling me by masculine pronouns...

I couldn't discourage you from seeking the self you were born to be. It's a wonderful feeling, being the person you dreamt of, on those lonely nights where you laid in bed and wondered why you feel so different and alone.

But you aren't alone now.

Good luck, anon.

Hope everything turns out ok, and then I hope the rest of your life is wonderful.

[yata776]

Idolm@ster: Gakuen - Review

Let’s start positive. This game sells completely the strengths of Idolm@ster. All the idols are problematic students which for some reason or another are not realizing their full potential. Character-wise there are common staples of the genre: idols struggling with their gender identity or ones with self-esteem problems, but also other specific issues like a student who has given up on life after failing her previous dream, or one who has fallen into a self-hatred pit of isolation after breaking up with their previous idol unit. Not only are the character concepts here mostly interesting and likeable, but a school that encourages the alumni to be their best selves and clash with the other students is the ideal setting to explore these stories. In fact, the game is perfectly built around the idea of helping these girls to shine on stage and their personal lives.

You produce each of the idols and manage their schedules, constantly training and interacting with them through the visual novel sections to learn more about them, their insecurities, and their strengths, to see how you can make them the best person they could possibly be. Your first performances are terrible, your idols will not even be able to finish their song due to exhaustion and they will do an absolutely terrible job at it. With each produce run results start showing, learning the gimmicks of each idol’s gameplay style, using your resources correctly, and leveling up your cards all build to their visual growth on stage; they have memorized the entire song and choreography by now, a bigger audience will appear at their concerts, and more importantly, the girls start confidently smiling on stage, finally happy with themselves. Sorry to be corny but Gakumas absolutely understands why we love idols and why we want to support them. The game has been polished to a sheen to fully realize this idea. Even elements outside the game like the animated MVs for each girl make a great job on selling you on their individuality.

Sadly the game crashes and burns with the insipid writing, which is serviceable at best and God awful at worst. For some unexplainable reason Namco decided that the writing team would be helmed by Fushimi Tsukasa, from Oreimo and Eromanga sensei fame. You read that right. I was hoping time would prove me wrong but all of Gakuen’s interesting concepts are ruined by the writing. Main story scenarios get explicitly romantic with your idol of choice, and each route is plagued with the terrible tropes of your average LN, including the idols constantly reading the situation as sexual, feminizing the aforementioned idol struggling with their gender identity or your horny self insert constantly flirting with any near minor (even the teachers aren't excempt from this). The relationship between the idols and the self-insert skews from passable to creepy as shit at the drop of a hat and it’s really hard getting invested. I feel like I have to make up my own story in my head to not roll my eyes out of my skull.

Look, I wouldn’t be as frustrated here if this shit didn’t feel crowbarred into a game that does not need any of these shitty tropes to shine and that CONSTANTLY pushes the story in your face. A professional producer character who manages the girls’ schedules and gets to know them better is a great idea! But it really clashes with the juvenile dating sim thing that this game is constantly attempting. It’s even more infuriating when these tropes ruin the characters themselves. One of the idols is a genius girl who has excelled at everything academics all her life and has basically guaranteed her entire future, but decided against all odds to train as an idol despite absolutely failing at it only because she wanted to dedicate her life to her weaknesses. Fucking inspiring, right? Well, do I need to explain why giving her the shitty fetish gimmick of being aroused by pain and suffering fucking DESTROYS her character? This is past just wanting to attract a creep audience, this is terrible writing.

As you can see, I have a lot of thoughts about this game. In many ways I think this is an absolutely amazing concept and I will continue playing the game for now. The potential here is frankly outstanding, the gameplay is addictive, I love the art, and I am very curious on the long term content as a gacha, especially because it has been lamp shaded pretty hard Gakumas will be a series with an ever expanding cast of new students joining the school, meaning the writers can (hopefully, for the love of god) see what works and is not working for future storylines.

Unlike Song for Prism I am not sure what will be the future of Gakumas. Will it be a success or a failure? No idea, but I am sufficiently in love with the ideas here to be interested in this branch for the foreseeable future. Personally, the writing here is so bad I wouldn't reccomend it to anyone except the most hardcore of idol fans. I can see myself falling off hard after a certain point. My personal head canons are far more interesting than the actual story events here.

3/5

[minevn]

how would the LI's react to meeting the mc's parents?

Idk how to word this better

No worries, I think you worded this just fine! :3 I kind of let you decide how your parents would react to them(like finishing thought wise)

Minato: He's a nervous wreck honestly! He asks his grandparents for help and he also asks you for help. Like should he dress up more nicely? What things should he avoid talking about? Any interesting conversation starters that he can use? Should he bring gifts? In the end he does end up dressing up more nicely, but not too formal, he just wants to look presentable. He also brings flowers, if your parents aren't allergic to pollen, if they are then he might opt for fake flowers but his second gift option is food. He's so so so nervous that the entire time he basically needs to hold your hand. He has notes of things to say that he uses and he also answers your parents questions nicely! He does get more comfortable by the end of the night but when he leaves he's all nervous again, recalling everything he said and if he messed anything up. He feels good though, as long as you're by his side.

Haruto: Canonically- He met your parents at a very young age, his mom introducing him to you and your parents. Honestly, all he did was say "hi" and bow. He didn't really like to talk to a lot of people when he was younger. But he would open up and become closer to your parents the closer he became to you, and even more so when his mother passed. Noncanon- He'd be kind of nervous meeting your parents, although you wouldn't be able to tell. He's got this air of confidence surrounding him and it looks like he's got his shit together. He dresses up all nice and stuff and he does ask you questions about your parents beforehand, like what they like and how not to act, like he doesn't want to act too confident and come across as narcissistic, but confident enough to seem reliable. The meeting would go great, at least he thinks it went well. He'd ask for your opinion after you two step outside for some air or to send him home. He really wants to be accepted by your parents, even if you tell him it doesn't matter and that you'd stay with him either way.

Jun: Canonically- Met your parents when they dropped you over for a sleepover. He was VERY shy when he was younger and mainly just hid behind his parents. Never really got close to your parents which makes sense since Jun didn't even get that close to you until semi-recently. Noncanon- REVERTS BACK INTO THAT NERVOUS, SHY PERSON SHE WAS BEFOE! She's panicking! She doesn't know much about your parents. Would they support her gender identity?? If she's meeting your parents she'd rather dress more feminine since she doesn't have a lot of masculine clothes, would she look feminine enough to make them think that she was born a female? She ends up asking you all these questions of course. If your parents aren't supportive of the LGBTQIA+ then she'd change her appearance to match more what your parents would accept. If they do, then great! She feels a lot more comfortable and just lets loose, choosing to be herself. He's still very nervous, but he gets through it. He acts like how he does around you, except more toned down, but still very outgoing and she does cling to you during the meeting. She'd be so relieved if everything went well and they liked her. Trying the make them her parents as well💍

Hoshi: He doesn't care YES HE DOES! HE CARES SO SO SO MUCH! Honestly, the best behaved you've EVER seen him. He's nice to them, he's nice to you, and he does pretty good at controlling his nerves and answering any questions without stuttering. He compliments them a lot and when he saw one of your parents making dinner he asked if he could help in any way. Overall, he likes to think it went well! Next time he'd probably bring them a gift and kind of gets upset at himself for not thinking of that(He'd definitely bring them some yummy food, let them know that he can cook well and that their kid is in good hands, in terms of being fed well anyways. I wouldn't call being around Hoshi "In good hands" LMAO

Habiki: He pretty much acts the same. He's pretty nervous and wants them to like him, but this is who he is y'know? He's not going to sugar coat himself to MAKE your parents like him. He does get them a gift, like flowers. He remains seemingly uninterested until your parents talk about you when you were younger or when they ask him about what he likes to do, which of course he excitedly responds with "Playing the violin!" He does ask them questions as well, like what kind of music they like, or their favorite meal. If they ask the infamous "How did you meet? Tell us the story of your relationship." He hides nothing. He flat out admits that he used to be a huge ass face to you but is really happy that you gave him a chance and that he gave you a chance because he can't imagine life without you. No matter how it went, he's just proud of himself for being honest.

Kage: Y'all are LATE to meeting your parents because HE. WONT. STOP. PASSING. OUT! He dressed up nicer, maybe a little too nice. He looks like a five year old going to a formal event. The blazer is too big on him and he looks a little silly. It's very Kage. He has his other eye showing, which is VERY rare! He's worried about how they'll react to his heterochromia, but figured that having his hair in his eye would be even more unsightly. He slicked his hair back using too much gel and he got so nervous that he looked awful that he ended up buying them like 10 things to try and win them over. Your parents probably laugh at him. He can't even seek solace in your touch cause he'll pass out. He stutters the entire time and he keeps pulling out his little notebook that has things to say. Some are questions and then the other half is cheesy compliments towards you to show your parents how much he loves you. (He never met your parents canonically, always hiding.)

Kei: A cake walk for Kei honestly. He's perfect, what does he need to be afraid about? He looks great and well groomed, he looks confident and ready. He already treats you amazingly(ignoring the manipulation) He has planned a list of questions to ask and has thought about every question your parents might ask him. He greets your parents politely and asks if he could help with anything. He answers every question asked honestly. He likes to hold your hand throughout the night and he enjoys talking to you just as much as he enjoys talking to your parents. Your parents can really see how much he loves you.

Yani: Do you REALLY want Yani to meet your parents? Yani won't change itself to be more liked by your parents. Honestly, Yani doesn't really care if your parents like her or not, she just wants YOU to like her, and you're dating her so clearly you do. She's not shy around them at all and just acts normally, she's still just as clingy towards you and loud and strange. She basically admits to murder to your parents. "I would cut off the ends of everyone else on this planet so it just me and mc! I'm already working on that project! Oh, but don't worry, I'll save you guys for last!" She thinks it went well, you still love her right? Yeah? Then it went fantastic!

Aki: Canonically- She met you parents at parent day at school! She wanted to meet your parents and get hers and yours to be friends that way you can have sleepover and come over all the time! Aki was an outgoing child and hopefully became close with your parents as well. During high school she spent a lot of time at your place to get away from her shitty parents and really looked up to yours if you have good parents. Noncanon- She'd be pretty nervous. She doesn't feel like she really looks approachable so she makes sure to be as upbeat and smile a lot so your parents get the impression she's a good person. She doesn't really take notes on any questions or anything, just takes it as it comes. After the meeting, she'd ask you how you feel it went and will probably ask you to ask your parents how they feel about her. She'll cry if they don't like her and be so happy if they do.

[ludinusdaleth]

You reference your weight gain on t a lot, what are the changes like exactly? Signed someone interested in that sort of thing with hrt and in general

oh boy, well, a lot. full disclosure ive only gained about 50lbs on t and i want to gain more so this isnt a final form nor is it the end-all-be-all of a fat body - im chubby but i dont even have a belly overhang yet, though id love to.

-my weights primarily in my belly, thighs, a bit of my chest, and definitely my face. the first noticeable thing was growing a double chin very fast. t has not distributed weight from my hips yet, so i have some fat there, which, if it happened to others, may make them dysphoric. honestly, sometimes i am insecure about it, but my gender presentation is so thoroughly "looking thick as fuck in all ways including feminine ones" that if they got bigger i think id adore it

-i feel like i take up more space in general. i used to be able to slide between people and small entrances easily but my belly very easily gets in the way. i really dont mind

-it's kind of really comforting to be able to grab my belly and just squish & paw at it. used to be when i was underweight just trying to grab it hurt

-between a lot of extra body hair and the weight gain, and being in texas, god am i sweaty. which is maybe the worst downside to it personally because im an overheater. but it is at least a boon to realize i dont get cold easily anymore at all - it dropped below freezing last winter, and i didnt even change from shorts, when i used to shiver at 50°F. im a furnace!

-finding pants sizes will be your worst enemy. but if youre into it at least the battle of squeezing into something you bought a mere month ago can be quite sexy and a sign of progress

-i went from having what i call concave ass (none ass) to a decent one and it is insane to feel it jiggle when i walk

-it is insane feeling all my body jiggle as i move in any way honestly. i really, really love it, feels more natural than breathing

-if youre a trans guy whos fat or wants to be i think the question of boobs will be conflicting, so there is something a bit humorous about t which deflates & at times shrinks your chest, vs gaining weight which makes them big. as a very obvious mans tits enjoyer, im quite happy theyre about a size larger now (though i always had a smaller chest so)

-the elephant in the room is always about health. and in many ways im not at peak health - but thats not because of my fat. the most i could maybe connect with it is i have higher cholesterol than before, but is it because i have a belly due to a thousand different hormonal & life factors, or is it because im a little too obsessed with milkshakes & funnel cake? i really actually feel better health wise than i ever did underweight and i feel alive. stronger. confident. and also, folk who gain weight and are unhealthy deserve infinite respect. bodies are just bodies. they do what bodies will do. and we do what we do in our bodies. all of those combine to what we are. thats a neutral fact, not something to shame or be afraid of.

-fatphobia absolutely exists, but so too do folk who support you. if you can find folk in your life who want you happy and know about your journey it can be beautiful. when i met up with my friend a few months after i began hrt, the first thing they said to me after "hi" was "oh, youve really gotten bigger!" and it made my day, i still think about it. be it friends who squeal at your progress to friends who like to be risque and go "oh, lets grow your beard out more before calling you a bear, big boy", i think support is the best part of it. im eternally thankful.

[ihhfhonao3]

I decided that I might as well make an about me post. Everything is under the cut, you don’t have to read it before interacting but it’d be cool if you did (so you know a bit about me beforehand, especially if messaging me directly)!

TLDR: My name is Chaos, I’m queer, I like ace attorney, I write fanfic, I love it when people send me writing requests, I’m not a fan of mean people

General info:

Hi! My name’s Chaos or Ihhfh, which is pronounced ih-hif (like the first part of in next to the middle part of shift). I go by other things, like Endo, Enigma, or Void, but Chaos/Ihhfh are my primary names. You really can call me what you like/what you feel fits best for me! I don’t really mind too much :)

I’m aroace, genderqueer, amatopunk and voidpunk/nonhuman. I use any pronouns (including xenos, neos, emojiselves and nounselves), but prefer it/they. I like dehumanizing names and terms, so calling me stuff like “creature” and “thing” is appreciated in casual conversation and affirmation. I’m radinclus, so I accept and support all “good-faith” queer identities (like xenogenders) but am against harmful ones (like transage). I feel like it’s also worth mentioning that I’m a furry and I’m undiagnosed/self-diagnosed neurodivergent! I deal with pretty serious mood swings oftentimes and struggle with regulating my feelings, so how I respond initially to something (especially if it’s a presumed negative comment) may just be a retaliation as to how I’m feeling currently. Please keep this is mind when interacting with me personally (I don’t want to drive anyone away from interacting just because I can get really upset at stuff sometimes), as I am not always able to tell someone’s intended tone online. Simple use of tonetags do help, and I will usually use them when talking directly with others!

Things I like:

I love reading, writing, playing video games, watching anime and listening to music!

Some of my interests include (but are not limited to): Ace attorney, Dead end: Paranormal park, Lioden, Subnautica, Dislyte, Puella magi madoka magica, Pokémon, Cult of the lamb, The dragon prince, Good omens and God troubles me, amongst others that I can’t recall right now. These are some of the general fandoms that I’ll probably write for.

Some of my favorite Ace attorney ships include: Klapollo, Wrightworth, Claypollo, Claypollier, Junithena, Franmaya and Asoryuu, alongside some others from various other fandoms (but Ace attorney by far has the majority of my ships and OTPs). Some ships I have from other fandoms are Viravos from The dragon prince, Aziracrow from Good omens, Homumado from Madoka magica and Narilamb from Cult of the lamb.

My personal stances and beliefs:

I don’t really ever dni people, but if you are a radqueer, a pro/complex-contact “big 3” paraphile, a queer exclusionist/puritan, a bigoted feminist (terf/radfem/kill all men idealist/gender critical type), an unnecessary gatekeeper, a cop lover, an anti-shipper, a server of any kind of baseless and harmful allegations towards anyone, or just a general bigot, please keep in mind that I do not like you, I do not condone you or your actions, I do not support you and I may actively express this distaste towards you and others like you in any media I may post, create or share. However, those who are actively trying to better themselves, recovering or reforming from believing in any of these or identifying as any of these are welcomed with opened paws! Politics wise, I am based around leftist extremism and believe in philosophies like revolutionary, anarchist, and pseudo-communist/socialist beliefs. Please keep your distance if you are strongly against any of these beliefs. I do block freely, so be warned.

Fanfiction info:

I take fic requests, but I reserve the right to refuse any if they are based around a topic/ship I am uncomfortable with. Also, my asks are open because of this, and I have anon turned on so people can request a fic they may not be comfortable with people on their account knowing they requested. Please use this feature properly. I reserve the right to any anger, cynicism, or mistrust I feel towards any anons or asks I receive that do not fill this quota.

Fanfiction requests will usually be completed within a month’s time, unless under unique circumstances. Please do not pressure me to write if I’m taking a while, I will likely complete it eventually and will directly tell you if I am unwilling to fulfill your request!

Most of my fics will be Ace attorney based, but I may write some about other fandoms from time to time.

Please be aware that I do write smut fics and darkfics. If you are unable to handle such mature topics, please be aware of your personal limits when considering reading them. I will also have some fluffs and non-smut fics for you to read if those topics are not appealing to you! However, many of those fics will be locked, so you need an account of your own or a guest account to access them. All smut fics, fics that have been requested by others and fics under 1,000 words will be unlocked for anyone to view!

Interaction and activity:

I probably won’t reblog or like as many posts as others, only my own things, my friend’s things, ace attorney fanfiction and things I thought were important or I want to remember. I will usually comment on posts to interact instead! I get a lot of asks from seemingly random people making offhandish comments sometimes- don’t worry, those are just my friends, that’s how we joke around!

While at first glance, my blog might seem a little negative or down-in-the-dumps, I can promise you I am not a usually negative person! Again, I just don’t reblog a lot of things you might usually see a “normal” tumblr user reblog, and I definitely don’t reblog nearly as much. More stuff is in my likes, which are public. Sifting through those might give you a better idea of who I am in a natural sense if you may be considering following me.

So, yeah! That’s pretty much all I have! It’s a lot I know, but the general rule is just be chill to me and others and I’ll be chill with you! So welcome, thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy your stay here :3

[knightofhylia]

After getting the energy reading from pearlescent-princess I decided to pull some cards to figure out what the symbolism meant. Since the spirit they contacted was very clearly Hylia, I asked her! Particularly I was interested in what the constellations were meant to represent. Very image and text heavy!

The Rearing Equine

The Gleaming Shortsword

The Apple

Application to IRL, Time frame?

Next Step

At first I thought that the constellations meant that something was going to happen (looking to the stars to predict the future) but I think it may be more focused on historical constellations, mainly that they are figures of myth who were ascended to the heavens after a specific deed the gods deemed worthy. With this in mind I looked at cards thinking of prior accomplishments. The Rearing Equine: The Tower being ultimate upheavel and Strength being inner strength paired with the imagery of a rearing horse brought me to the conclusion that this symbolizes my recovery from BPD. Trying to tame my BPD was like taming a wild horse. I was thrown off so many times in the beginning I didn't want to continue. If I wanted to go one way my BPD pulled the other way. Any stability was short lived and often had a catastrophic breakdown when I couldn't hold onto the reigns anymore. None of this came easy or without support, but in the end I was able to pull myself out have been in recovery for over a year! The Gleaming Shortsword: Two of Swords in this deck is a lot more positive than it's usual RWS companion. Instead of being at a standstill and stalemate, this is about cutting through the obstacles by working together. Paired with the Death card, there's a lot of duality and change represneted here. I believe this symbolizes my loyalty and boundaries. I grew up convinced I was unlovable because I was a transgender freak and I would die a unmarried virgin and never date anyone. I've been married for 5 years now so obviously that didn't go as planned, I wasn't counting on other transgender freaks being out there LOL. I gave a large knife to my husband as part of our vows which is why I believe the two of swords is a reference to our marriage. Our wedding was truly a test of who was on our side and who was not. The sword I swear my loyalty to my husband with is the same that cuts away the family and friends who wanted to see us crash and burn. The marriage was the catalyst for us to get our names changed which was a huge goal in my gender transition. I am both the princess and the warrior, perpetually dying and changing. I am not longer the miserable cisgender monogamous sex repulsed unstable person I was in my youth but I have not forgotton what I learned from her. The Apple: Temperance is probably one of my most pulled cards lol. I believe the apple symbolizes my kind,nurturing qualities as well as enjoying the fruits of my labours. Although all my life I have loved animals and nature, only within the last few years have I actually stepped up and learned what I need to make a difference. I'm now the main animal caretaker at my store and also have been working on gardening and growing our own food and taking care of the enviourment. Beforehand I was honestly afraid of most animals and felt everything I touched plant or animal wise I would kill. It took a lot of patience and learning to see that we all have the capability to nurture and grow something. The Timeframe and NExt Step card were just kind of as wrap up cards but i feel they reiterate the points. Ten of Wands being a cycle I will always be in, there will always be ups and downs, always mental hoops to jump through. There is no timeframe as it's always happening! Queen of Bottles to me is a reminder to keep doing what I'm doing. I am deeply connected with the animals and plants that I steward and despite feeling like the only person who cares sometimes, it is always worth it to care! I have worked very hard to be where I am now and the Divine is familiar and supports me!