#you better believe i’m drawing more scenes from that last chapter

[dirtgrubber]

“i want you”

@morningstarwrites well you’ve done it again!

[b3achysurfer]

I really wanna talk about this scene where “Logan saves Ashlyn” because I really believe it’s more than just that

I’m gonna be referencing mostly episodes 34, 35, 43, and 44 just in case you want to do your own digging 😋!

for starters I kinda bugs me when people brush this whole scene off as ‘Logan saving ash’ because 3 things:

1.) Logan saving Ashlyn didn’t really feel natural! mans was allllll the way in the graveyard, he was scared, it was dark, and he didn’t have any prior experience with using guns. but he still somehow did it in 1 shot. I honestly feel like that bit was so that he can’t be excluded from the later celebration and so that him being left behind had a purpose.

2.) ASHLYN WOULDVE SURVIVED WHETHER OR NOT HE MADE THE SHOT!!!!! if anything we’d probably learn a lot more about the phantoms if Logan had never shot his gun.

3.) I feel like Logan making the shot was suppose to distract us from the important lore aspect we see during the scene. we already know red loves throwing in foreshadowing and small hints for us. Especially when these hints get covered by other scenes so that we only notice them after we get the new information and we re-read old chapters. We can see an example of this in the same episode when Taylor offers to go see why Aiden was screaming and Tyler quickly takes action instead and sends her upstairs. it’s obvious that going back outside was the more dangerous option which is why Tyler told her she shouldn’t do it. But at the time many people brushed this off as Tyler caring about his sister as much as any brother would, and a part of his ‘jock/I’m bigger and better than everyone’ attuide seeping through. then later on in chapter 49, we learn about Tyler’s promise to always take care of Taylor and their mom, and we see how their safety is always his priority even if it’s to much for him. Taylor’s frown makes a lot more sense after we get this context.

Anyways what I’m trying to say is that I think Logan saving ash was suppose to draw away our attention to the whole reason he was even able to get the shot in the first place.

Ashlyn is convinced she’s gonna die here and this is her last effort to live. So very strong emotion. But pay attention to her voice box thing. It’s black and has the red streaks around it.

The phantom immediately pauses, as if it understands her. Also, it’s aggression vanished as soon as she spoke. This being LITERALLY TRYING TO KILL HER pauses and starts to question her!! In some twisted way Ashlyn can communicate with phantoms, or at the very least they can tell there is also a connection between her and them. This is literally so important and it’s not talking about enough. Even though no one has ever tried speaking directly to the phantoms before this, I do think this trait only belongs to ashlyn. For starters we already know that she has the strongest connection to the phantom world, and she’s the only one who can actually hear them. Her parents also said that they saw the phantoms after ashlyn was born. This is important for later on.

The only other time we ever see the black text bubble is here when Logan is mad (chapter 42) his shadow has also changed to his phantom world-self. Notice that even though his actions are connected to the phantom there is no red streaks next to his text box?

The fight obviously shows again that they affect the real world because their emotions and phantom and blah blah. This is all stuff we know. But hear me out! View their actions as if they are part phantom.

Ashlyn’s commanding them to do something while feeling strong emotions. Her text box is black with the red streaks again. Just like it was during the scene that ‘Logan saves her’.

And just like the phantom, all of them freeze and their violent behavior disappears. The fact that it’s all in sync and they all stop immediately shows that they didn’t just stop because their friend told them to. They stopped because Ashlyn’s commands have some strength to them. And remember earlier when I said think of them as part phantom? It makes sense why her commands would work, because it’s frozen a phantom before.

AND LOOK!!!! THEY SOUND JUST LIKE THE PHANTOMS! The fact that this guy doesn’t react to that statement means that his organization already knows this. They already know that the kids are partly related to the phantoms. Ashlyn’s especially.

I guess this can split into two ideas:

1.) Ashlyn’s becoming part phantom the fastest. And I don’t mean that she’ll eventually become a full phantom but idk how else to phrase it. Her words can already be understood by phantoms and they have enough impact to confuse and stop phantoms in place. The phantom tilting their head at Ashlyn was kinda like ‘how did you do that?’ .

2.) Ashlyn’s connection gives her semi-control over phantoms. This could be a skill she has to develop over time but the fact that her words were able to break that main cast out of their anger and brought them back into reality shows that they CAN listen to her commands. Either she’s not strong enough yet to control real phantoms or she can only stun them, ash was still able to communicate with the phantom.

That scene is such an important building block that people just brush over. I just don’t see a lot of people talking about the fact that Ashlyn can talk/control phantoms in a way. Or maybe she can’t and all of this means smth else but it’s still so important.

Also before ppl jump on me for saying Ash would’ve lived w/ or w/o logan:

Aiden was literally two seconds away from getting to ash. Plus the phantom was stunned. We don’t know if this hesitation would’ve lasted long or not, but it would’ve been enough time for Aiden to crawl to the top of the roof or for Ashlyn to kick it away. Ashyln was also in shock though so I’m not sure she would’ve been able to do much. But if Aiden saw the phantom on her he would’ve went crazy bro. Do not touch his girl ❌🙅‍♀️❌ All jokes aside though, we definitely would’ve learn more about the connection between Ashlyn and phantoms if Logan didn’t shoot. Not blaming him or anything but I’m just saying.

ANYWAYS THATS ALL THANKS FOR READING!!

[lanitalay]

Before I Say Goodnight

Chapter 19

a/n: AAAAAH only one more chapter left after this one. Let me tell you this has been such a wonderful experience. I feel more confident in my writing and my story telling I hope everyone who has read this has had a fun time escaping reality with me.

warnings: canon typical violence

word count: 5.1k

Other Chapters

He had made a complete disaster of his Inner Circle and had jeopardized all of Prythian because of the prophecy Amren had found. In his mind it had all been justified. A threat, a mole, an usurper was living amongst his beloved family, charming them, manipulating them. He knew better than to underestimate a human girl with nothing to lose. He had fallen in love with a similar renegade and it had made him love Feyre even more. But this girl… she was not his mate. She was not his subject. She was not his. She would be his destruction if he didn’t act carefully. She was wild, untethered and untested. Now, she was gone. Feyre roars at him from across their bedroom “how could you be so cruel? He is your brother and she has done nothing to any of us”. He had been trying to explain the prophecy but she rolled her eyes “you are not thinking clearly Rhysand. You have been lying to me. Hiding things from me for mother knows how long because of a supposed prophecy?” Blood roared in his ears “I have told you that I, we, will bow before no one. Let alone a rogue queen. If she’s gone we are better for it”. He catches a book Feyre throws his way “what about the rest of the courts? What about not telling me about any of this? What about the Human Lands? What about all the lives that will be lost because you refused to believe Azriel?” He had never seen her disappointment thrown his way. He felt small under her stare. She had never been so mad at her mate. So confused about all of his decisions and erratic behavior in the last months. “I’m going to call a meeting with the High Lords to warn them. I expect you to be there and cooperate” with that she walked out of the room and made a point of slamming the door. 

She wanted to throw more things at him for being so nearsighted and stupid. Rhysand had always been proud and protective of what was his but it was those instincts that made him blind. 

You shudder as you pour the freezing water over your head. Vallahan was nearly as cold as Velaris and the inn you had found did not have plumbing or the capabilities to boil buckets of water. But you had been a stowaway for days and a bath, however uncomfortable, was extremely necessary. Especially if you wanted to sneak into the courtly scene Mor certainly frequented. You had brought some money. Azriel had told you where he kept an emergency fund in the house and you had some savings from working with Jolly. If you were to find Mor tonight, you had a few things to get done before nightfall. Rinse off the last of the soap, pat yourself dry, get dressed in the change of clothes you had brought. It was a simple outfit, nothing to draw attention to you. But you cleaned up nicely. Thick locks framing your newly ephemeral face. It was still an adjustment to see yourself in the mirror. Your eyes looked like your eyes but they were brighter, glittering. The pointed ears that peeked through your hair. Your cheekbones that had shifted slightly when your body had turned fae. The scars, now faint white lines, that adorned your chest. Those were the toughest to look at. You put on a thick scarf and step out of the room for the next part in your hasty plan.

“Silver suits you, my lady” the female at the shop tells you and you really can’t disagree. The coolness of the color enhances your complexion and the reflective nature of the fabric catches the light in such a way that you look like a star incarnate. “Thank you, I’ll take it” she claps a little and says “I suspect you’ll be attending the ball tonight?” Bingo. “Yes, I was in tears this morning when my sister spilled tea on the gown I had prepared. Lucky I found this one” you step into the changing room and strip the dress off. When you emerge the shopkeeper is waiting by the till. When she tells you the total you nearly yelp. It was expensive. But it was exquisite and you needed to get in, no questions asked. So you hand her the gold coins and return to the inn as fast as possible. There was a ball. You had scouted the city the first few hours after being kicked off the ship and quickly spotted the wealthy district. It was more of a street, full of enormous mansions that lined up all the way to golden palace gates. If you had to guess, that was where Mor was staying and hopefully where the ball was. If you were wrong then… then you’d go South and find Azriel by any means necessary. 

You spent the rest of the day getting ready. Putting on cosmetics and fixing your hair until you look like a doll. You had to play your strengths, and beauty was one of them. Once the dress is on you stand in front of the mirror and make sure not one hair is out of place. It really is a gorgeous gown. You run your hands over the metallic material. Once satisfied with the outcome you put on your freshly laundered cloak and make your way out. 

The first part of the plan was finding a carriage.

 They were all over the city and your best bet to get into the palace without raising any flags. You walk towards the wealthy district and a few blocks away you see your mark. He’s a young male. Younger than any of the members of the Night Court. He looked boyish, naive, sheltered. He was dressed in a suit and he was so flustered you could see the blush burn his cheeks. A young girl stood next to him in a stunning gown. Hers was blue silk. It looked like the Northern Sea. Breathe. You had practiced as much as possible before getting caught on the ship. Breathe. You were on the street, under a crystal sky. It wasn’t anything like the Night Court. The stars stagnant. You close your eyes and feel for something to hold onto. You put your hands inside the cloak and clench your fists, feeling the pull of the atmosphere at your skin. It was still jarring. Lowering the barrier that kept you contained in your body and letting your magic flow from your pores. But the next steps were easier. A magnet. You condensed all of the humidity in the air to one heavy cloud right above your heads. Something in you said it was like turning on a faucet.  A simple swipe lets all of the water drip drop right onto the unwitting accomplices. You breathe again, returning to yourself in a gasp. “Where is the carriage?” You make a show of looking around in a panic. The front of your cloak is open, the glittering dress visible but covered from the elements. Bringing up the hood to cover your hair you let out a pitiful cry “this night is ruined”. The male was helping the female into their carriage when he heard the commotion coming from you. A sad sight. You look out of place in the dimly lit street. All dressed up with no one around. His heart clenches when he sees your face is wet and he can’t tell if it's from the rain or from tears. But you’re clearly going to the same place he is so he runs over to you “are you going to the ball?” He asks over the increasing rain “I was supposed to, but my betrothed hasn’t shown up with the carriage, if he doesn’t arrive soon my dress will be ruined” he felt bad for the abandoned lady. So he did not think twice when offering “come with us, we have plenty of room” he held out his hand for you to grab but you grabbed your skirts instead and walked beside him. Once in the carriage you breathed again, this time, to release the clouds you had taken hostage. 

When you arrived at the palace you quickly took off your cloak and made sure you were seen. You made a fuss about thanking the young male that had offered you his help and even promised him a dance once inside. You needed her to see you. Once inside the palace you went about visiting every room available to the revelers, always keeping an ear out for a familiar sultry laugh. So when you hear high heels slam on polished floors and the voice you so desperately wanted to hear say “I apologize, your grace, but my cousin has called me back for an emergency. I will be back when everything is settled…. No, he did not tell me what was the matter… Escorting me is unnecessary. I know my way around…” You want to run up and hug her. The first familiar face you’ve seen in days. But you walk a few feet behind her and the queen until she goes into the residential wing of the castle and the queen returns to the ballrooms. 

“Mor-” she whirls around and shoves you against the wall. Eyes wide in horror when she recognizes you. “What the hell are you doing here y/n?” She lets go and scans you from head to toe “we need to talk, somewhere private” nodding, she grabs your arm and walks you down winding corridors. 

“Spill it” you resist the urge to roll your eyes. “I need your help getting Azriel out of Koschei’s lake” her jaw slackens and you can almost feel her heart stop at your words “is that why Rhysand called me back?” You shrug “Maybe, I don’t know” she arches a sharp brow “did something happen?” You nod “a lot has been going on while you’ve been away” Mor motions for you to go on “well, as you probably know Rhysand does not like me and this wasn’t really cause for concern until I electrocuted Eris. It turns out I have powers and they could be dangerous. So Azriel was covering for me, keeping him off my back. Then Azriel got word that Koschei was planning an invasion and when he told Rhysand he sent him to confirm the news. Azriel said that he would be back in a week, that if he wasn’t it was because something was wrong and that I should flee Velaris. He knows war is imminent and he wanted me to get out before it broke out. I stowed away on a ship that landed me here. It was a gamble to try and find you but I can’t rescue him on my own. He needs help, Mor.” She lets out a string of foul curses. Even you were offended and you had just spent days over hearing conversations between sailors. “I suppose Rhysand suspects you have powers?” A nod “Is he preparing for the invasion?” “I’m not sure, I went to him for help before I left but he didn’t say anything other than to stay out of it”. Mor curses. There wasn’t much of a decision to be made between rescuing her lifelong friend and defender and answering a call from her cousin across the sea “Ok, let’s go get Azriel”. 

Eris did not bother with pleasantries when Feyre contacted him. He was days into strategizing and meeting with the other High Lords trying to prepare for an attack they knew was imminent. “I apologize if I am crass but we have no time to waste since Rhysand neglected to inform us about Koschei” Feyre looked a mixture of embarrassed and relieved “I should be the one apologizing, Rhysand should apologize as well. But I am glad you found out and did not hesitate to mobilize”. Most of the villages had been evacuated to the westernmost parts of Velaris. The armies from each court had been warned and were ready for battle. Eris had done so much in just a few days. 

While removing  your gowns and putting on fighting leathers you ask Mor about your lover's captor. You were regretting never going to train with Cassian or Nesta or Azriel. Your little blades more of a hazard then an asset in unskilled hands. 

“So what’s the deal with Koschei? I know he’s powerful enough to curse Vassa and that he wants more power but I don’t know what to expect?

She takes a long inhale “You did not think this through at all?” You sort of had, but doing research on a boat wasn’t possible and up until a week ago Koschei was just an abstract villain from your friends' pasts. So you shrug. Mor sighs “Well, for starters he is one of three immensely powerful siblings. He is the only one that's alive though, the other two died during the war against Hybern. Let’s see… He is not from this realm, the three of them arrived here before Prythian was even a thing. He is an ancient thing. The Fae call him a death god because he feeds off life itself and I’m not sure how true this is but they say his soul is kept separate from his body and that makes him nearly impossible to kill because he keeps his soul hidden away somewhere safe. 

You couldn’t help but notice the similarities in the facts. He was from a different dimension, so were you. His soul could be detached from his body, in a way, so could yours. 

He was on a small platform in the middle of a crystal clear lake. He had been here for a week? Maybe two? He couldn’t really tell. The days had started to blend in together. He was sick. He was starving. He was a goner. It was sad to think that this would be his end. 

He was in the woods that surrounded the lake waiting to see the evidence of what his spies had told him when a snake bit through his leathers and knocked him unconscious. He woke up when two sentinels were carrying him through the woods, the large green and yellow snake warped around him. The weight of it nearly suffocated him. The males walked for hours until they arrived at a large cabin facing a lake. Azriel’s stomach twisted with knowing. When they threw up on the floor of the cabin in a heap he struggled to breathe. Then slow, steady steps paralyzed him. He couldn’t move his head to look around but from where he was on the floor he could tell that the cabin was a place of luxury and opulence. Shiny hardwood floors pressed against his temple. Intricate carved furniture cluttered the space. Large open windows allowed for a freezing breeze to flow through the space and a large stone hearth housed an angry crackling fire. His shadows told him that the male approaching had white hair and dark eyes. He struggled against his restraint. The snake crushed him a little more. 

“Finally caught the pesky shadowsinger that has been breathing down my neck all these months” a hoarse voice boomed through the room. It bounced off the walls and Azriel felt his ears bleed. “It’s rare we get new visitors along these parts, most fae know to stay away” the steps near until he was right next to Azriel, his face hovering over him. The hair was long and stringy. Eyes not just dark, but black. Void.

“You are not who I was expecting, but a lucky surprise” with a nod the snake tightens its grip until Azriel’s world goes dark again. The next time he opened his eyes he was here. Someone would throw his bread every couple of days and he would drink rain water he caught in his hands. But the last few days all of the sentinels had been sent to Prythian. Leaving him alone with Koschei and blurry creatures that swam below. The water was so clear he could see thousands of skeletons lining the bottom of the lake. If he did not figure a way out, he would be joining the underwater grave soon. 

Mor winnowed South. It was still dark out. The sun due to rise in a few short hours. You had devised a plan… of sorts. You were sitting against a tree and she stood in front of you, guarding. You close your eyes and breathe. Just like before the barriers lower and you spill into the misty night. Like a fog you roll through the forest and over the lake. You feel his presence before you visualize him. But before you know it there he is. In the middle of the lake. A heap on a platform. Wings tucked into his back, rigid with tension, ankles chained. You see the cabin. Feel immense energy. There are a million creatures in this small little lake. Insects, woodland animals, strange beings you had never seen. They were all scared, beaten and broken down. Even the worms felt pathetic in the way that only someone shoved into the wrong vessel felt pathetic. 

You return to your body and your eyes water at the image of Azriel, captured but whole. He was intact. “He’s alive, Mor”. She turns to face you and you can see relief wash over her face. “Thank the Mother, what else did you see?” 

“He’s in the middle of the lake, floating. His ankles are chained. There is a cabin where Koschei is, I felt his energy. And I think every single one of the creatures in this place is cursed to their current form” 

“So what do you want to do?” 

“I think I could move the platform towards the shore and then you can winnow him away, we can figure out how to break the chain after”. Mor nodded in agreement. “Are you going to stay here?” 

“Yes, just winnow back here and then the three of us can get away” 

She disappeared before your eyes. Eyes closed. One breath. Walls down. Weave through the forest. Spot Mor in the shadow of the large tree. Condense yourself into water. Drop in the lake. See the bones and the anchor keeping the platform in place. Gather more energy. Zap the tether. Become wind. Lead him to the shore. See Mor approach. See him stir. She held out her hand, reaching. See her grab his hand and… and nothing. He’s awake now, a horrified look on his face. Mor looks upset too. She grabs his other hand now. They remain in place. You feel their energy. You hear their conversation  “what are you doing here?” 

“Getting you out, dumbass” 

“You should leave, the shackles are probably spelled”

“I can’t leave without you” 

“You have too, he’ll know you’re here and if he traps you too then what?”

Become a cloud. Envelope your friends. Protect them from prying eyes. Harness, attract,  and grab energy. Release a bolt of lightning straight to the chain. Hear their loud curses. Muffle them with heavy rain. See him move his legs. Chains intact. Feel a call. A pull from the cabin. Return to your body. Shiver and shake, cry and wail. 

You stand on unsteady ground and walk. Reach your friends. 

“What the hell are you doing here?!” Mor steps away from Azriel as you approach him. He was here. He was real. He was cold and wet from the rain. His brows furrowed. His throat bobbed. His eyes wild. 

“Az… I’m sorry” you can’t think of anything else to say when he’s looking at you like you’re crazy.

“Get out, both of you. Leave now” you shake your head and kneel on the platform with him. You hold his hands, bringing them to your lips. Place kisses on his knuckles and whisper “you’ll be free soon”. He shakes his head “y/n, please, you have to leave. Go North remember? Please-” his voice was raw from disuse. “No one can get that iron off you, Az. I won’t leave you here to waste away” 

“What are you saying?”

“He left you here so I would see you. He’s expecting me” it's something you can feel in the air. His power mingled with yours. Calling you toward the cabin. “No- no, Mor, winnow away. Leave right now, please- I-” 

“It’s alright, you don’t have to worry” you move your hands to his face and move his hair away from his eyes. “It’s just what has to happen right now” he closes the distance between you in a desperate kiss. A kiss that said “I missed you” “I love you” “You’re insane” “Don’t leave me”. You pull away “I’ll be back Azriel, I promise I’ll find you when I’m done here”. Burning in your ribs sealed the deal. 

Wipe the tears from his cheeks. Kiss him again. Tell Mor to wait until he’s freed to winnow away. Hug her. Walk towards the cabin. See that the door is open. Go inside. Black, depthless eyes meet yours. Too white teeth in a glaring smile. White stringy hair. Smooth, poreless skin. Small, dainty nose. He looked like a doll possessed by a demon. Your skin crawls.

“I have been waiting for you, magnificent creature” 

“I’m here, let Azriel go” 

“He can go if you stay” 

“I know” 

Koschei walked toward a small table and sat in one of the two chairs. He motioned for you to sit in the other one. 

“I am pleased to host you in my home” 

“I can’t say I’m pleased at all”

“Getting you here took so much longer than expected. See, I am limited in terms of mobility and have had to delegate most tasks to power hungry brutes”  you tilt your head, questioning. 

“I suppose no one has told you that your arrival to this realm was written in the stars long ago?” You say nothing. 

“Let me explain. Most things happen by chance. But some things happen to be destined. You, my dear, are the latter.” He pushes an ancient looking script your way “The realm will bow to  the queen with no crown. The one who traveled the longest distance,through space and time. The one who brought great danger. She will be created by fate, magic, earth, wind, fire and water. A keeper of lightning. Master of storms. Calm oceans will turn tempestuous at her will. In time, all will bow to the queen with no crown.”

You read it. Again and again. 

“Understand now?” Shake your head. No. 

“The autumn lord was supposed to deliver you to me alongside Galgollem but he got himself  and the monster killed instead” Koschei said with a casual roll of his dead eyes. “My dear, you and I together possess more power than anyone else in the entire realm. I am bound to this lake. But you are as free as the wind. As strong as steel. Be my queen. My equal”. You are free. He said you are free. What good would it be if his puppet was also bound to the lake if his true motives were conquest? 

“Are you the king of anything?” low chuckle.

“I am a God of Death”

“And I am Queen of the Realm, destined by the Mother herself, according to this”. You shove the paper back towards him.  He bristles.  You feel yourself getting agitated. Close your eyes. Breathe. See Azriel and Mor still at the edge of the lake. Return. 

“Let. Azriel. Go” 

“Be my queen and he’s free”  

In that moment you knew. You understood his need for you. To align himself with who he thought was his counterpart. But he did not see that your freedom, your wildness was inherent. It was carved in your bones. He wanted to hold you captive. Send you away on his behalf. Conquer far away lands, oceans and winds. Be his hostage. Nothing more than a marionette. You feel the buzzing, no longer dormant. No longer controlled by concentration and breathing exercises. 

See his face shift from nonchalant to tense. Know your eyes are telling him he’s in trouble. Close them. See Azriel and Mor still in the lake. Open them. See his mouth moving. The drumming doesn’t let you hear a word. 

You lose it. 

He doesn’t understand your power. 

He thinks he can tame you. 

Stand from your chair, walk to him. See him lean back. Reach for his neck. Unleash yourself. Bright white fills the room. Feel Koschei sizzling and crackling in your hands. The energy too much for his vessel to bear. 

The wind is knocked from your lungs when he pushes you away. You fly through the air, smash through the glass windows and land in the lake. Your body sinks. Close your eyes. See Azriel screaming and pulling at his shackles. Mor beside him, horrified. Gather wind and force Koschei into the lake as well. He’s pushed in by a gust that blows away all of the windows. Return to your body. See him trying to swim away. Become water and pull him down. Down. Down. 

The troops are formed in an impenetrable line. His eyes in the skies warned that there were ships arriving from the East. They were as ready as they could be. The Ilirians and Peregrins were launching into the sky with fae bane arrows. The rest were waiting for them to make landfall. All of the High Lords were with their respective armies. Even Tamlin had scrounged up a few warriors from Spring, thanks to Lucien. Rhysand and Feyre were leading the charge for Night,  beside them Nesta and Cassian. Most of their Inner Circle was notably missing. Eris cursed Koschei, he cursed Rhysand and he cursed the Gods for putting him in this situation again. He hated war. Absolutely despised the bloodshed and fighting. He was very skilled in combat, he had to be as  High Lord. But he would choose verbal warfare a million times over than this. Standing in a field, alongside Death. Souls waiting to be claimed. 

They came into view now. Arrows fell from the sky. 

His soul is separate from his body. He is struggling against currents that bring him right to your arms. Hands wrap around his neck again. Creatures you can’t see biting and pulling you apart. Above you, in the sky, a black cloud forms. Azriel’s skin is raw and red around his ankles. The static in the air is palpable. Koschei is fighting you, still. His minions clawing along your skin. You know the shock angered him. Hurt him. 

In your body and out of it at the same time. In the sky and the water. You squeeze his neck feeling his airway close. All it took was one thought and the cloud unleashes everything it has on the lake. Azriel screams. Mor jumps out of the water as bolts of lightning pour from the sky. A curtain of light. You feel a comforting tingle on your skin and know your plan works as the creatures pulling at you go belly up and Koschei convulses in your grasp. His body was not made of lightning. Horrible eyes bulge, neck twists in a way it should not be able to. You call off the cloud. His body sags in your hold, deformed by pain. This is only his vessel. 

The ships are nearing. The air squad firing all the have. Eris can tell no one in that ship has fallen. In short minutes they’ll be on the shore. 

The water brings you to the surface. His limp body in your hands. The current carries you to the shore and you bring his body onto dry land. 

Azriel is pale, nauseous and lightheaded. He swears his heart has stopped and started at least a thousand times. No worse torture than seeing her in danger not being able to do anything about it. But she’s there. Right in front of him. Dragging Koschei’s body across the sand. 

You collapse. Exhausted and drained. But his soul… His essence was still somewhere.

Close your eyes. Pour into the atmosphere. Let yourself feel. The call of his soul was coming from the cabin. It was in there somewhere and you would destroy it. Rage clouding everything. Nothing but his end would make you stop.

He had never seen her eyes like that. They were misty. White light pouring out. She looked so different from the person he knew. Her humanity, her softness vanished. Hair wild and stuck to her face, neck and back. He could see fast healing wounds peeking from the gashes in her clothes. A tornado. Lady Tempest. 

Her movements were precise. She stood and turned. Walking calmly to the cabin. 

The inside was destroyed from the shattered windows and rain pouring in from the chaos outside. His foul energy was concentrated deeper in the house. 

Open a door. Walk down spiraled stairs. Gag. It was disgusting. There was an iron door. Go to open it. Flinch. Send a bolt towards it. Walk through the hole. Dark room. Small box. The vibrations from his soul make you feel ill. Open the box. A smooth white bone lays on a velvet cushion. Walk outside. 

When the ships made landfall the soldiers within them descended on the shores of Prythrian. Running at full speed towards them. Not a single casualty from the arrows. Their army whole.  Eris braces himself, adjusting his grip on his sword and shield. The small dots becoming full sized soldiers in short seconds. 

Hold the bone. Close your fist around it. Breathe. I’m so tired. Breathe again. This being, Koschei, has caused so much suffering for so many people. For people you love. He wants power. He wants war. He wants you to do his dirty work. Just like that the buzzing is back. Squeeze your fist until it hurts. See white light flash between your fingers. Open your fist. Acrid ash is now where bone used to be. Scatter it on a phantom breeze. Return to his body. Drag it to the cabin. Put it in the hearth. Set it ablaze. 

The soldiers that were nearing vanished. The ships disappeared. Eris remained tense. 

This had to be a trick. 

The sound of fire crackling brings you out of your frenzy. What did I do? How could I do all of that? You had brutalized him. Killed him in such a personal way it scared you. Sitting on the wet floor you look at anywhere but the fire. You flinch when you hear footsteps and see Azriel standing in the doorway. You stand and run to him. He wraps his arms around you fully “we should go”. You pull away and walk outside. Mor is standing there, soaked. “Are you ready?” You nod and grab her hand. She winnows to a room you’d never been. 

“Make yourselves comfortable, I’m going to grab a drink and pass out”.

a/n: I hope a lot of questions were answered!!!!!! thank you for reading loves <3

taglist: @luvmoo @leeknows-wife@nocasdatsgay@mybestfriendmademe@evylynny

[mirkwoodshewolf]

No following; Planet of the apes fanfic Chap. 2

*Author's note*

And here we are with the second chapter of my new POTA series. Like I said I'll be binge posting today so buckle up everyone! Here we get snippets of growing up with Caesar and Lin. Now I have written some scenes based off of deleted scenes from Rise and that'll be the case for some of series. If I find a deleted scene that could fit the story, I'll work around it and place it into my story.

Reminder I do NOT own Planet of the Apes, it belongs to their respected owners, creators and studios. I also don't own any songs that I use for the fic, it's only for entertainment purposes.

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things

@waddles03

@waddles03

@gay-and-ready-to-cry

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels

@psychosupernatural

_______________________________________________________

All hail Julius Caesar! Well we didn’t call him Julius but Caesar definitely seemed to fit him, especially as he got older.  Now I had read that apes and monkeys were smart but Caesar—I’ll tell you he is something else.  Just short of a year old and he was already signing 24 words with ease, heck I can barely remember 10 of them.  But he’s brought a real light to the house, things just felt a lot more—happier, lighter.

No one seemed depressed anymore.  And I’ll say this, it’s definitely a lot of fun to now have someone to play with at home.  Sure I’ve got my school friends and the friends I’ve made at the rec center but Caesar brings something else that I can’t quite explain.  He looks up to me but also I learn from him, I don’t know if this even makes any sense but is this what it means to be a big sister?

Uncle Will spends most of his time in the study area always talking or taking notes about Caesar.  There’s always video cameras out whenever he’s doing something whether it was drawing, reading, or even playing chess (which he is a master at. Heck he treats checkers like it’s nothing and believe it or not, he’s beaten me at Candyland 17 times!).

Caesar is always up for learning and is so curious, it really is like having a baby around the house.  Like this one time I had caught him listening to some of my CD’s on his stereo with his headphones on, but his curiosity will also get him into trouble when I got mad when he came into my room and took a picture out from under my pillow.  No one and I mean absolutely no one ever touches that photo!

He got scared and kept hiding from me every time I entered a room until later that night uncle Will had me apologize to him and I told Caesar that the picture was something special to me and only I was allowed to look at it (that and uncle Will and grandpa if they were in the room too).  He took notice of my tone and demeanor as I spoke and we ended up snuggling up together on his bed as he comforted me.

Now at age two Caesar was really starting to grow up and show his intelligence.  He was completing puzzles and lego models for kids 8+ so for tweens like me who have to work hard for hours or even days on end on the Lego Star Wars Death star, Caesar can get it done within 24hrs.  Yeah he’s that smart.

I stormed in the house and walked past Irene, grandpa’s nurse and she greeted me.

“Hey Lin, how was your day?”

“It sucked! I’ll be in the attic!” I stomped up the stairs loudly and ran across the hall and reached up for the attic stairway but the rope kept swinging away from my fingertips.  “Damnit!” I hissed lowly as I looked around and found the stepstool.  “I swear I better get a growth spurt once I’m 16!” I pulled down the attic entryway but as I pulled down the staircase fully, I took a few deep breaths trying to calm down.

After scaring him the last time I got angry, I didn’t want to take my anger out on him after the bad day I had.  Once I was calm, I walked up the stairs into Caesar’s room.  Uncle Will and I had worked together to really enrich this old attic into a playroom for Caesar.

Some of the old toys I never played with again were now his, the stereo that stood on a desk filled with some books that he and I would read to Caesar.  All of them ranging from basic children’s books with lots of pictures to young tween novels like The Hobbit, Harry Potter or the Magic tree house series (those books I loved reading when I was little).

There was also some ‘monkey bars’ given for him to hang on or swing around on in order to climb up to the banisters above the balcony.  And of course the giant window that stood proudly at the center of the room and he could look out and see the entire neighborhood (well not the whole neighborhood but you get the picture).

“Caesar?” I called out.  I heard the sound of my old interactive toy phone being played with.  I walked over and looked over his bed and found Caesar on the ground, headphones on and being intrigued with the toy phone.  “Hey! Caesar!” I called out louder as I could faintly hear the loud music coming from his headphones.

He then turned to me and immediately reached for his monkey bars and swung himself onto the bed before bounding over to me and hugged me hotting happily.  The chord of the headphones came off and soon the music he was listening to now played through the speakers of the stereo.  I smiled and felt myself feeling better as he patted me enthusiastically.

“Hey buddy, hi. Oh I missed you too!” I separated from him as he continued to hoot and pant excitedly.  I took the headphones off his head and told him, “You listening to my cd’s again? John Williams this time huh? You like him too?” as E.T’s flying theme started playing through the speakers, Caesar hooted and jumped on the bed as his hands slammed onto the mattress.  “Yeah he’s the best composer ever, maybe I should get you to watch the film. I think you’d like it.”

I went over to the speaker and turned the volume down when I took notice of something on the table just across from his bed.  As I walked over to the table I asked him.

“Hey, where’d you get these puzzles?” Caesar stopped his excitement and just looked at me anxiously.  “Aren’t these grandpa’s puzzles?” I noticed that he had gotten three of my grandpa’s puzzles.  The 500 piece puzzles that only old people can seem to have the patience for.  One was a man and woman on a horse going over a beach, the other was of the New York skylight, and the third was the Declaration of Independence being signed.

The third one he was nearly done and he was about halfway done with the first two.  I turned to Caesar and raised my brow skeptically at him.  He looked down between the bed and my gaze before he lept over the bedframe and hid behind it and occasionally peeking out over the frame before hiding again.  I walked over and stroked along the puzzle of the man and woman on the beach as Caesar began nervously hooting and making a few hand gestures.

“Am I gonna tell?” I translated.  “No, no I won’t tell. This can be another secret of ours.” I heard Caesar walk back and hop onto the bed as I shook my head astounded.  “I can barely do the edge pieces to these things.” I walked over towards Caesar and collapsed across his bed letting out a deep sigh.  Caesar bounded his way over to me, his green eyes showing deep concern as he lowly hooted and signed again.  “Sad? You could say that.”

Caesar then lay down carefully and started stroking through my hair almost like he was grooming me.  I smiled softly and said.

“Thanks brother ape.” I reached and cupped the side of his face and he pressed his face against my palm.  “Never thought I’d see the day, but I don’t think Gabi and I are friends anymore. And it’s for real this time.” Caesar softly grunted as he pointed at the necklace I wore around my neck.  “Yeah, the same Gabi who gave me this, and I gave her one with my name when we both went to Disneyland last summer for our orchestra fieldtrip.”

I sat up as Caesar settled himself close to me, his hand resting on top of my lap as he rested his chin to my shoulder brushing my hair gingerly out of my face.

“I knew she had been acting distant lately, but I’d never thought it was because she was hanging out with Hannah and her cronies. Those girls made our lives hell last year, and now Gabi just up and joins in their little friend group and pretend I don’t exist!? After all we went through! I don’t…..” I felt a couple of tears slip down my face.

I then felt a rough yet gentle leather finger reach up and catch one of my tears.  I sniffled and rubbed my eyes harshly to try and get rid of the tears.

“I’m sorry Caesar, you don’t need all this teenage drama dumped on you.” Caesar softly hooted and signed.

‘Sister was sad, Caesar listened. Talking help?’ I smiled softly.

“Yeah. It did kinda help to talk about it. Can’t really dump this stuff onto gramps, and Uncle Will’s been busier than ever lately. Thank you Caesar.” He smiled at me before jumping off the bed and ran over to grab something.  He came back and placed something into my lap as he hooted softly.  I took the object and saw that it was a miniature handmade bicycle made out of two old toy wheels, some cooper wire, and old silver and green hinges.

I turned the wheels around and marveled at the bike.  It was practically a perfect replica of a real one and he made it with various materials and tools found around up here.  I looked up at Caesar who sat there looking modest.

“Did you make this?” Caesar pondered with his hand to his chin avoiding eye contact for a brief moment before looking at me and opening his mouth panting as he also smiled.  I felt myself smile more as I told him, “You’re a smart yet cheeky ape.” Caesar let out a laugh as I continued, “Maybe you can help me with my science project next eh?” I dug through my backpack and brought out all my books and folders as I showed Caesar what I had learned today in the 6h grade.

As night rolled around a sudden thunderstorm had swept over San Fransisco.  Thank god I already took my bath just an hour before the storm rolled around cause this was probably the worst storm I’ve ever heard.  A loud boom of thunder almost shook the house and I heard the fast paced running of Caesar racing down from the attic, as a flash of lightning struck from my window I suddenly was tackled to my bed and felt a shuddering, furry ape holding onto me while grunting and hooting fearfully.

“It’s okay Caesar, it’ll be okay.”

‘Thunder shake house. Will it be okay?’

“Of course it will. The wind can’t knock down this house, not like the trees outside.”

‘You’re sure?’

“Yes. Here why don’t you sleep with me tonight? I know Uncle Will says you gotta get used to sleeping by yourself when you’re scared but I think tonight he’ll have to learn to make an exception.” Caesar immediately settled himself onto my bed but refused to let go of my hand.

As I got settled in another loud boom of thunder made him shriek as he curled up beside me, his head burying itself into my chest.  I wrapped my arms around him and stroked through his fur in soothing circles.

“Shhhh, it’s okay. I’m here Caesar. It’s okay.” I softly spoke.  But even with my comforting touch and words, I could still feel him trembling in fear.  I thought long and hard until I remembered our favorite movie together.  Mighty Joe Young, the song they sing in the movie, it always seemed to put him in a good mood and he’d always say that the bond between Joe and Jill was like us.  So I did exactly what Jill did for Joe after he had destroyed his enclosure and sung the lullaby from the movie.

Imba wimbo

Wa upepo

Wakati unajiwa na

Imba wimbo wa upepo

Wakati ndoto tamu

Lala mpaka usiku uisheni

Upepo wa usiku

Wimbo wangu na

Inaendelea

Milele

I looked down and saw that Caesar had now fallen asleep against my chest, his face now clear of any fear that he had before.  I smiled softly and kissed his forehead before whispering.

“Goodnight little brother.” I pulled the covers over the both of us and soon fell fast asleep holding Caesar in my arms.

And as it turned out, the storm from last night ended up carrying into the next morning.  So I knew that everyone would be driving frantically to their next destination (I swear if it’s not sunny weather, people lose their freakin minds!).  As I donned on my raingear and prepared to leave for the bus stop up the road, Caesar came and took my hand signing as he frantically hooted.

‘No go today. Stay here with Caesar!’

“I can’t Caesar. I’ve got a big math test today and I haven’t studied for it. I’ll be fine and so will you.” Caesar began pulling on my arm hard and fearfully but I took his hand and removed his grip from my arm.  “No Caesar! You stay, I go. No following.” I told him as I also signed it to him knowing that I meant it.

Caesar looked at me pitifully but stepped aside and allowed me to go.

“Be good, I’ll see you when I get back from school.” I kissed his head and opened up my umbrella before quickly racing out of the house for the bus stop.

It was a typical Wednesday (besides the weather).  And like I have every Monday, Weds. and Friday it was my favorite elective, Orchestra.  I’ve really come to love music just beyond listening to it.  Through our class whenever we’re not practicing for Districts, we play the most famous film scores like Pink Panther, Jurassic Park, E.T. we’ve even tried a couple of songs from the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

When the bell rang signaling class was over, I packed up my violin and put away the music sheets back onto the table when my teacher Ms. Stanley called out to me.

“Lin, could you stay behind for a moment, I want to talk to you about something.”

“Sure Ms. Stanley, what is it? Am I in trouble?”

“No, no nothing like that. Since you came into my class, I’ve been taking notice of how you play. Most of the students here are in it for an easy grade or just to check something off their elective courses. But when I see you play, you almost seemed enveloped in the music. Like you become one with it.”

“Thanks Ms. Stanley. Growing up I’ve always loved hearing all the best film composers from John Williams to Hans Zimmer, James Horner, Alan Silvestri, James Newton Howard, John Powell, all those guys.”

“Do you know the San Francisco community music center?”

“I know of it but I’ve never been in it. I took lessons from the old rec center that used to be around before they moved buildings a year ago. But they only did up to 10 years old for lessons.”

“Well I happen to have an old college friend who works at the community center. And not only is he the head maestro but he also runs a tour group that goes out every summer to perform for various studios across America. How about you let me recommend you for an audition?”

“Me? Seriously?”

“You’ve got talent in the likes I rarely see in kids your age. Here why don’t you take this brochure and show it to your uncle and have him look at the website for more information. Then once I hear back from my friend I’ll give you the details after class.”

“Yeah, yeah I’ll—I’ll do that. Thank you Ms. Stanley.” I said taking the brochure from her hands and feeling my heart just ready to burst out of my chest in excitement.  I heard the warning bell ring and she quickly wrote me a late pass for my next class and I thanked her again as I raced out with a skip in my step.

Once school was over and I ran down the street in the rain I came up the stairs and quickly unlocked the door and came inside shaking off the raindrops from my umbrella and my raincoat.

“I’m home!” Irena soon came in and she greeted me.

“Hello Lin, had a good day?”

“Oh the best. Where’s gramps I gotta tell him something.”

“I’m afraid it’ll have to wait, your grandpa’s having a—bad day right now. I just had to step aside for a moment to calm myself down.”

“Ohh I see. I’m sorry Irena. But we really do appreciate you coming here, even if he has a bad day.” She merely gave me a hesitant nod but I could see it on her face, she was almost at her wits end with grandpa’s episodes.  I went upstairs to see Caesar and right away I was tackled by him the second I came into the attic space.  “Hey buddy glad to see me huh?”

He hooted and playfully we began to wrestle with each other before he had me pinned down and pretended to whack me repeatedly and I let out a few playful grunts before lying ‘dead’.  I heard Caesar’s curious cooing sounds as he paced around me before sniffing me.  That’s when I opened my eyes and blew air in his face which made him jump back as he shrieked and hollered playfully before laughing.

“Yeah, yeah I’d know you’d never hurt me.” He came up and hugged me before signing.

‘Happy?’

“You could say that. Oh Caesar you wouldn’t believe what my orchestra teacher told me.” I went over to Caesar’s bed and sat down and he came up beside me, curiously looking over my shoulder as I dug through my backpack for the brochure.  “This is the San Fransisco community center. It’s about roughly 25-30 minutes from here, they’ve got the best music and arts program in the entire city. My teacher told me she’s got a friend who’s the head Maestro for the Orchestra dept. there. And she said she’d get me an audition for them!”

Caesar hooted excitedly and signed to me.

‘You’ll get in it.’

“Well first we’ll have to see if he even agrees to have me audition. And if I do somehow get it, I can be a part of that orchestra for as long as I want. And I’ll even be able to tour around the country performing for thousands of people!”

‘You go away forever?’

“No, not forever Caesar. Of course I’ll come back, as long as you’re here waiting for me.” I took his hand.  “You’re my brother ape Caesar, I’ll always be there when you need me, just like I know you’ll be there for me.” Caesar let out a pant as he pulled my head towards him and we pressed our foreheads together as a sign of affection, rocking from side to side.

‘I love you Lin.’

“I love you too big guy. Now wanna learn some more sign language. Bet it gets kinda boring learning the same basics with Uncle Will.” I couldn’t help but tease.  Caesar playfully pushed me down onto the bed which made me laugh and Caesar also let out a laugh as well.  I then pulled out my homework and together we got to work practicing the lesson I was given for this week and to ready myself for the next test coming up in a couple of weeks.

Another year passed by and Caesar was now three years old.  As a surprise, we had planned a little birthday celebration for him.  I was in charge of the decorations and the table setting while Uncle Will made the cake stuffed with some of Caesar’s favorite fruits.  To make sure this was kept a surprise, grandpa promised he’d keep Caesar upstairs and entertain him while uncle Will and I got everything ready in the kitchen.

“How’s the cake coming along uncle Will?” I asked as I tied up another balloon and let it go up towards the ceiling.

“Oh pretty good.” I looked up and saw how he was covered in flour and frosting.

“Uhh uncle Will. I think the frosting’s supposed to go on the cake, not on your face.”

“Haha you’re hilarious.” He said sarcastically. “Just having a bit of trouble getting the last of the frosting out. You know how hard it is when you’re trying to get the last bit of toothpaste out, well imagine that but a bigger tube.”

“I thought you said we had enough frosting?”

“We do, it’s just always a bit tricky to get the frosting to come out especially with all these designs you’re making me do.”

“Hey I only suggested one tree but you had to do two of them, plus writing out the message in frosting. I had written on the list to get those eatable letters you can put on cakes.”

“Those are nothing but cheap plastic letters. And their too small, he could choak on them.”

“He’s smart to know not to eat them whole.”

“Whatever, just get back to decorating.” He ordered me.

“Yes sir squadron leader.” I saluted mockingly.

“Don’t get smart. We don’t have much time before Caesar gets restless and Charles can only hold him off for so long.” I nodded and got back to work.

“You think he’ll like my gift to him?”

“There’s no doubt about that. You’ve been working on it for months now practicing day and night.”

“Yeah, but……”

“Hey, no buts. He’ll love it, he loves it when you play your violin and knowing that you’ve been practicing his favorite score piece, he’s gonna love it.” I smiled softly as I finished setting up the table and Uncle Will finally brought over the cake.  “Okay, all that’s left is the candles and the guest of honor himself.”

“Should I go get them?”

“Be my guest.” He said as we both left the kitchen.  I headed up for the attic and saw both Caesar and grandpa sitting on the bed reading Julius Caesar.

“Sorry for interrupting but we’re ready.” Caesar looked at my with a head tilt as he hooted in confusion.  “We’ve got a surprise for you downstairs Caesar.” At that word, he began to hoot and shriek excitedly as he bounded over towards me.  “Okay, okay easy Caesar. Steady. First you’re gonna have to close your eyes.” He let out a whine but I told him, “don’t play that card on me. What good is a surprise if you just go down and see it? Now close your eyes.”

“C’mon Caesar, just play along with her.” Grandpa encouraged him as he came up and took his hand.  Caesar then climbed up into grandpa’s arms and closed his eyes as we both climbed down the stairs.  “Keep them closed, we’re almost there.” Grandpa told him, “No peeking.” Caesar hooted and started to bounce in grandpa’s arms until we finally came to the kitchen and I said.

“Okay, open them.” When Caesar removed his hand from his eyes, they grew wide at all the decorations as we all cried out.

“Surprise!” He let out some excited shrieks as he hopped out of grandpa’s arms and came over to the table and admired everything.  He first went over to uncle Will and hugged him.

“You’re welcome pal, happy birthday.” Caesar then came over to me and we hugged each other.

“Surprised you didn’t we?” Caesar let out a few excited pants as he smiled happily.

“Alright, here we go.” Uncle Will soon lit the candles as we all sat down around the table and we sang happy birthday to Caesar.  He was so happy as he looked at each of us and swayed in his seat before he blew out his candles by the end of the song.  We clapped and uncle Will began cutting the cake for each of us to eat.

Pictures were taken, laughs were had, and Caesar rejoiced at the new presents he got from grandpa and uncle Will.  Then the time came for me to give Caesar my gift.  I grabbed my violin and tuned it up before telling Caesar.

“Hey Caesar, come into the living room real quick.” Soon he, uncle Will and grandpa came in and Caesar and grandpa took a seat on the couch, uncle Will stood at the doorway between the living room and the kitchen with a video camera in hand.  “Uncle Will turn it off!” I cried out.

“It is off.”

“No it’s not why’s the red light on?”

“It’s the off light.” I looked at him annoyed. “Just go pretend I’m not doing anything.” I let out a groan but turned to Caesar and said.

“This is for you buddy, happy birthday.” I took a deep breath before exhaling as I held my violin to my shoulder and placed the bow along the strings.  I heard the song in my head and readied my fingers on the notes that needed to be played and soon the famed score for “E.T’s flying theme” began echoing through the living room.

Caesar let out a few excited pants and shrieks as he clapped before settling down and watched me in awe as I continued to play his favorite John Williams score.  Closing my eyes I felt myself enwrapped in the music as I could feel myself flying in the sky much like E.T and Elliot did on their bike.

Even though it was just me and my violin playing, no brass instruments or accompanying strings, I still gave as much emotion into this performance as I would if I had a whole orchestra with me.  Once I got to the end and finished the final notes, all went quiet before I heard the three person applause.

“Oh brava, bravo!” grandpa cheered.  I opened my eyes and bowed before Caesar came up and hugged me.  I set my violin down and hugged him back.

“Did you like it?”

‘Loved it! Caesar very happy! Thank you Lin.’ He signed as he hooted excitedly.

“You’re welcome little brother. Happy birthday.” I hugged him back and rocked him back and forth as I saw Uncle Will shut the camera off and he gave me a knowing smirk before winking at me.

[miss-celestia13]

Lost Scenes Thursday! Get to know your favourite authors better. Show five scenes from either abandoned fics where you regret they will never see the light of day, or five scenes from WIPs where you are impatient to see them out there. Long, short, one-liner... it's all good reading. Tag five other authors where you are curious.

(feel free to ignore it though :))

Ooh, thank you for tagging me, my lovely ❤️

I haven’t got anything from an abandoned story, but I have some things in progress I can share 🤭 They’re all for the same fandom: Game of Thrones/Jonerys🥰 no spoilers.

One from the chapter I am yet to edit for I Am Not a Woman, I’m a God:

She took one step toward him before he grabbed and shoved her back inside. Jon’s black eyes were predatory as he crowded her against the closed door and his hand came up to cup her jaw.

“What are you-” She never had time to finish as Jon kissed her.

Hot. Bruising. Almost punishing, he slid his hand down her neck, fingers raising goosebumps down her throat as his hand settled around it and his thumb stroked her flickering pulse.

She traced her fingers up his neck, and wrapped her arms around his shoulders to draw him closer, fingers lacing through his hair to deepen his starving kiss. Trying to memorise him, the scent of snow and pine that always stuck to him, his pulse thrumming wildly under her fingertips, his lips branding hers and the ale soaked taste of him.

She wanted to never forget a single detail.

Three from Blood Flows in a Spiral:

“You’re scared,” he murmured, eyes widening in sudden understanding, and she opened her mouth to deny it, but he said, “You don’t want to die, but you’re too afraid to live.”

There was a frigid triumph in her eyes, the blue of them icy and fractured. They spoke of pain, both given and received. He idly wondered if anyone had touched her with gentleness or just because they wanted to. The way she skittered away from him when she realised how close they’d gotten told him no. She wasn’t used to tenderness and calm. Chaos swirled in her soul, and he aimed to harmonise it.

“You’re like a wildflower after a wildfire. You could bloom in a sea of ash, if you just believed.”

And one very silly one I hope to post very soon to add another season to Wool to Brave the Seasons. It’s subject to change as I’m not happy with it all 😅

“Ha-fucking-ha,” Viserys deadpanned, going on in a sly tone, “Every time. You really need to brush up on your banter skills, sweet sister.”

“Perhaps if you were more polite in greeting us, we’d be more likely to react in kind. And for the last time—don’t call me that!”

“I think not. You go the loveliest shade of puce when I call you that. I find it pleasing,” Viserys sniffed as his gaze, paler than his sisters but still striking, landed on Jon at last.

“I dread to think what my sister has told you, but I promise, only half the lies she tells about me are true,” Viserys’ eyes trailed from Jon’s head down to his feet and back again, “You’re—shorter than her last couple of strays,” he observed in a tone full of snark.

“Not where it counts. And don’t worry, you’re just as dramatic as she said you’d be.”

Viserys arched a brow as he pushed off from the sleek black car and approached Jon, staying out of arm’s reach as Jon heard Dany sigh. The silver-haired man was stone faced until the mask cracked and a slight smirk alighted on his thin mouth.

“I think we’ll get along just fine,” Viserys said after a protracted silence.

Dany pushed her way past them and tossed over her shoulder, “If you two are done, I’d like to get to the beach now.”

[cdmagic1408]

Hey peeps, Quest Masters, followers, and all!

I know I've been gone for like...a YEAR. Life's been super crazy, you have NO idea. But not gonna get into all that. Just gonna say I’ve been good, been healing, then really good, happy, and off social media (it’s never really been my thing, so…) 😄

But I promise you I'm not dead! Rather, I've come back from the dead to say that I looked at today's date and just so happened to realize— OMG! It has been exactly three years since I published the first chapter of my Onward fan-novel, If You Trust Me! Wow!

I have found myself in other fandoms as an observer in this last year (maybe I’ll share what they are someday, but not yet), but first, I just wanna say that Onward is still my favorite Pixar film AND my favorite film ever, that hasn’t changed. I still think about it everyday and love it very much. But yeah, I have moved on to other things these days…

Second, and most importantly— I have decided that today, on the anniversary of IYTM’s publishing phase, I wanted to make a very teeny tiny adjustment to its title…

I have always called it, If You Trust Me - An Onward Fanfiction. But in the now-three years since I first shared this story with you all, I’ve come to realize that it really is much more than just a fanfiction—it’s a fan-NOVEL. 33 chapters, plus a prologue and a mid-credits scene. A year and a half to write. A story I wanted to make as authentic as possible to the world of Onward we know and love. It is no mere fanfic.

That said, I hereby rename the long title of this story to If You Trust Me - An Onward Fan-Novel! And to my fellow QMs, if any of you are still out there and reading this, I have you all to thank for it. You guys were the first to really call it a "fan-novel" in the first place, and now in official type, it IS a fan-novel! I know we’ve all kinda moved on and everything, but seeing as it's been a while, I just wanna take the time to thank you all for being there for me in the Onward era of my life. You know who you are. Whenever I look back on all the times we had together, I think of only the good times. There were many good, if not great, things we did and accomplished together as a fellowship and I'll never forget that. As rough as life is and as strange as this world is and will continue to be, I can confidently say now that after taking some time, I only see the good in what we experienced in the end ❤️‍🔥

Lastly, there really aren’t enough words or thanks I can give to show how grateful I am of this fan-novel. Writing it, publishing it, having it read, shared, liked, and all that. I haven’t forgotten about that either.

I am still very proud of this story, and always will be. It helped me grow as a writer, and it was something I wanted to do for myself and for all Quest Masters/Onward fans out there. So to put it simply, thank you. And if there’s anyone who hasn’t read it yet and would like to, by all means! Trust me (no pun intended) when I say that it is a LOT better than all of the incest fics combined. If You Trust Me is a story for anyone who absolutely loves the world of Onward and is looking for something that totally feels like it! ✨

I guess the very last thing I’ll say is, I am well aware that this coming March, Onward will be turning 5 (AHHHHHH! I was Barley’s age (19) when this first came out, whaaaaaaaaaaat) and since that is a big year, I might want to do something special for that. I’m not sure what it will be yet, but I believe I could do something. A long in-hindsight written reflection perhaps? Or an ensemble cast drawing? Both? I haven’t decided yet.

But yeah, that’s it from me for now. I am not planning on posting anything more later, tomorrow, or anytime soon. This isn’t an “I’m back and here to stay” post necessarily. More like a “hello, it’s been a while, but I’m doing well and I just wanted to let you all know that, plus it's an anniversary” post 😊 That’s all folks!

[tornoleander]

Animatic Project Reveal!

If all goes to plan should be Posted Sunday!

So I share my project :)

Song is Steady, Steady by the crane wives It’s about 42 seconds 1:08 including my outro plan

Was going to just draw this scene but song inspo hit me like a brick and over a week later here we are. I’ve always wanted to do animatics and animation and this was real fun so expect more! And this is first so I’ll get better.

Skybound angst cause it always is with me.

Here’s the last low-quality clip ur getting out of me til I post :P

It’s all Baced on a scene chapter 6 of Bending but never breaking by writing_hat on Ao3.

You do NOT have to read it to understand. In fact you probably shouldn’t. If you go against your own best interests you better read those tags. It IS the most fucked up ninjago fanfic and it does not mess around. It also has no right to be as good as it is.

You don’t need context but if you demand some just believe he “died” from scrap and tap or something. Trust me you do not need to know about the end of ch5, it can’t be erased from memory.

My animatic is all sfw. Picked something safe for my Tumblr audience. This one is in my top scenes. Not my most favorite scene out of everything cuz I’m a sucker for every Cole moment Hat writes, but something about this one is enchanting in a way. It caries a sort of unique strength and resilience instead of just comfort. Don’t know how well I captured it but I tried my best.

My art ego is lil wacky and unstable cause of how quick I forced myself to learn humans so ma feelings are all over.

I know better than comparing myself to better artists but at least if it happens I have the I animated and edited it on my phone excuse :P.

[strawbchez]

FROM THE GANGAN JOKER TWITTER

ANNOUNCEMENT FOR MEMOIRE 59

Run through Google translate ^

Astolfo is so cute I have never wanted to hug a fictional character more than I do now JUST LOOK AT HIM!

Also is it just me or is Roland more buff. Mochizuki did confess that everytime she draws Roland he gets better physique (and fluffier hair) but wow this is wild.

He’s so cute I can’t take it I love him so much he deserves so much better, if there's any Astolfo haters out there you better keep your opinion to yourself!

We see this panel in the extra chapter from vol 9 it’s just larger this time and notably missing Olivier's glare of annoyance despite the larger space.

Roland looks so sad I need to know what happened between him and Astolfo so bad.

This scene is set up that it makes my immediate thought that it will be the last panel of the chapter or that it will be the last panel before we step away from Astolfo's past and go back to the current timeline (since we know that some panels contain stuff that seems to happen in the current timeline) but I do think it might be the opening page of the chapter since it seems to start where 58 ended.

Translations by me! Sorry if it’s botched I tried making it make sense!

Guess we’re getting more Astolfo pov this chapter and judging by the panels shown earlier (like 10 days ago) I’m guessing the first part is going to be flashbacks about him and it ends suddenly here or adds more?

Either way the characters we see in these panels seem to be from current timeline (these are the panels)

Oh shit. I mean we did get confirmation on this by Georges, once again in the extra chapter (thank you Georges and the extra chapter) but it’s nice getting it straight from Astolfo (or younger Astolfo). Seriously though what happened? Conflicting interests? A vampire attack? The churches interference/manipulation?

In this context, I guess this shows that Roland’s aware of Astolfo’s thoughts on him since it puts focus on his face in the panel. He definitely doesn’t approve of Astolfo's worship of him but I don’t see him confronting him about it though so I don’t know what happened there.

(Sorry for how off centre it is!)

The guy who I presume is Charles' vice captain from the last chapter is behind Roland once again making me believe this is directly what happened after chapter 58 ended since that was were he was when Charles called for Roland.

I do think that it's Charles saying those lines since there wasn't anyone else in the room except the scar guy who doesn't seem to be speaking and Astolfo who clearly isn't saying that.

That seems to be Astolfo going up to Roland since the feet are small and bloodied. I do think that Roland was disappointed in himself for only being able to save one person which is why Charles is getting him to look after Astolfo so he knows he at least saved one life (which is quite sweet but this guy looks like a manipulator so...)

Roland looks so traumatised though and I'm not sure why. Astolfo was in pretty bad shape but the cloak (I think it was Roland's cloak?) was covering his body last chapter and I'm not sure if he still has it on in this panel so maybe that's where all the damage is? Or some other reason, maybe he was just shocked Astolfo was still alive after what happened.

Also I do have a life outside of stalking Mochizuki's twitter page (I just check it every 3 hours every day even in class it's not a problem)

[argesta]

Academia, in my fanfiction (or at the very least, the ones I gravitate towards reading)? It’s more likely than you think!

In your last reply you mentioned chapter titles, so here I am to ask about the chapter titles!

And also how you decided who plays which roles. Ex. Santiago as Lestat’s oldest friend (from before he married Louis even) and member of his team.

I love this.... academia in my fanfiction more likely than you think... say that 😩

I’ll answer your second question first because it’s so, so good.

When adapting canon to an AU, what I’m interested in is the dynamic capture of a character over the static one. So by static, I mean a 1:1 parity with the character, a modern version of their job, direct translation of their personality, social status, identity etc. Dynamic essence is how they impact other characters + overall context.

To take Santiago - because he's this circus ringmaster in canon S2, this satyr, lurid spotlight figure, I could’ve easily just made him a tabloid guy, go the TMZ route. But that wouldn’t really convey what I needed him for - he’d just be a cameo.

Given that in canon he has such a fraught relationship with both Armand and Lestat - need but rivalry but resentment - I wanted to translate that above all else. And there is no better framing device for this dependency than to have him be this older, grizzled spin-doctor that has been working for “the cause” since forever, knows enough dirt to bury both Lestat and Armand, but does not have the resources to take on any of them individually. Armand himself is a new upstart that technically should be Santiago's subordinate, but in PV he comes with his own capital (the name and power and connections via Marius “eugh” de Romanus at his back).

To me, Santiago’s main draw in all his canon appearances is the fact that his power is so uncertain for all its apparent flashiness. His control is predicated on so many elements which lay behind the curtain (LITERALLY) and which we do not see until the finale.

We think he is calling the shots, but then: oh. You take a closer look and he’s no ringmaster or eminence gris, he’s just the town crier. There is no vertiable eminence gris in either IWTV canon or PV, because they’re all defanged. They are consequences of history and fatherhood, especially if you compare them to figures such as Magnus and Marius - these old men still moving pieces on the board from beyond the grave and/or before the start of the story.

Anyway, am I unnecessary and unserious for thinking this in-depth about it? Absolutely. Is this some artistic credo that I think all AU/fic writers should do? Definitely not.

It’s just the by-product of me outlining this AU-verse in 6 PoVs so far (Lestat, Louis, Claudia, Armand, Daniel, Nicki) so it’s inevitable that the world becomes part of the story. I’d love to get a chance to tell the events in PV from other characters’ point of view, or at least write more fic set in the same PV universe, so I just think of it as doing the planning in advance because I know it’ll come in handy later.

Chapter titles meta under the cut <3 sorry mutuals :’)

The chapter titles are all film techniques! Names come from either cinematography study (frame camera angle perspective etc.) or editing and transitional devices (montage, scene cutting and so on). They are mostly made for motion picture, but some are of course also used in other contexts like news live reporting social media etc. (though I do believe sm apps like CapCut come with their own name for stuff or whatever - I avoid platforming TikTok until it pays me).

I like taking this angle with all present & future chapters because it’s a clin to how the characters are mediating (and meditatizing) their experience through these like - artifacts and artifices.

I.e. TWO-SHOT being a wide-frame, single-take conversation between two people, with almost no one else (certainly #norealpeopleinvolved) entering or leaving the shot until the scene ends. CROSS-CUT being... well, to take it from the definition:

Cross-cutting is an editing technique most often used in films to establish action occurring at the same time, and often in the same place (...) can also be used for characters in a film with the same goals but different ways of achieving them. Cross-cutting is often used during phone-conversation sequences so that viewers see both characters' facial expressions in response to what is said.

Sometimes it's genuine - TWO SHOT really is just a two-shot, sometimes it's an irony/play on purpose/subversion, like SPLIT SCREEN showing on one level Louis-Claudia conversing on a literal screen, the proverbial split between Louis/Lestat, and the disturbing, growing similarity between Lestat/Armand as a common front (as perceived by Louis; being the split image of someone else, etc.)

Certainly I don’t need to oversell the point of why the performativity of editing and montage fits the universe these miserable girls are living in, or why the chapters are defined and sectioned through the techniques it would take to adapt them to screen. (Very clear that none of these characters can define their life without an audience, they’re so consumed with the self-narrative that they forget they are not only participating in it, but fully have the power to change it).

[thedawningofthehour]

for the dvd commentary thing - im not sure if it fits under 500 words or if u can even remember what u were thinking since u wrote it like last year , but the scene in arc 1 chapter 8 where draxum n donnie talk abt sun tzu n mythology n names ?

That is...yes, that's quite a bit longer, about 1300, but lucky for you I'm very narcissist and love talking about my shit. (and nobody else sent one in)

“You’ve read Sun Tzu.” Draxum is just looking at him, with a quirked eyebrow and a small smile on his face. For some reason, Donnie’s face flushes. “Well, yeah.” He looks down. “I’ve always loved reading, and it’s not that long. What, did you know him or something?” “He was a bit before my time.” Okay, he’s actually smiling now. It’s creepy. “But his work is quite illuminating.” “I’m surprised you’ve read it. He was a human, after all. A warring human. Aren’t you against that?” “Only fools believe they have nothing to learn from their opponents.” “So you’ll apply that to a two-thousand-year-old book, but not to modern humans?” Donnie tugs on his cuffs. “You know you missed, like, the entire point Sun Tzu was trying to make, right? His entire philosophy was that using violence is rarely the best way to get what you want and conflicts are better solved diplomatically.” “And he also said that when you do draw your bow, to draw your strongest arrow.” “Yes, but only if-” “Do you not think there have been attempts to address our conflict with the humans diplomatically?” Draxum says shortly. “You think you’ve seen the extent of this war. This has gone on much longer than you. Longer than me, even.”

So that took influence from a podcast I enjoy:

The whole thing is a fake talk show radio program from a fictional city with sort a sort of surreal-absurdist vibe going on. (one episode depicts a political debate that devolves into an argument over whether the crawdad people would vote for them and one candidate's treatment of the alligator king, for example) Also not the only reference to this podcast in this fic; this is where Tubby Dan's Barbecue and its various trials Bella mentions are from. He actually has a commercial later on in this episode.

I also have not been able to find the exact quote he uses. This guy might just be trolling me. But I figured, Donnie's fifteen, even if it is a fake quote that's the kind of mistake a fifteen-year-old would make.

“I’m just saying-” “No, you will listen to me on this occasion. Look around you, boy. Think of where we are, think of who we are.” “We’re a turtle and a goat-man in your lab. I can’t really look at much else.” The slap takes him by surprise. It doesn’t particularly hurt, but he feels quite confident by now in how far he can push Draxum before he uses physical force, and he hadn’t reached that point. “The Hidden City is under New York City,” Draxum says quietly. “You have more experience with the world above than I do, so let me ask. Does it feel like New York City?” Donnie shakes his head, his cheek still stinging. “Why do you think that is?” “I assumed it was because the Hidden City is a lot older? New York is only about three hundred years old, and almost everything up there was built in the last century,”

(noooo a typo)

(I literally just went back and edited a nearly year-old chapter right now, it's all fixed dw)

But for real, New York is an infant of a city. I know the Hidden City is under New York because the turtles live in New York, they've always lived in New York-but I wanted it to make sense why.

So my idea was that the Hidden City isn't so much under New York, but that New York was built on top of the Hidden City. They weren't even hidden at first-they just fucking lived there, cohabitating with the indigenous Lenape people, (or at the very least they left each other alone) and adapted when Europeans started their colonizing bullshit, gradually moving underground as more humans showed up and clashed with the Yokai, not understanding what they were. (The Lenape and the original colonizers didn't really know either, but there was an understanding of bro just don't ask questions that was gradually lost as more and more people settled there) Part of the reason it became 'gestures to all of New York' is because of the presence of the Yokai and all their nonsense. So basically-the chicken came before the egg, and the Hidden City is that chicken. Or one of them. You can decide whether they did the fucking or laid the egg.

“You are…correct in that observation, yes. The Hidden City is much older.” Draxum glances off to the side. “But think of what is here. Think of where it came from.” “Well, yes, the culture here is heavily East Asian. Even the name Yokai originated in Japan.” “Think about that. Why are so many Yokai from that area? New York is on the other side of this continent. It is not a simple journey.” “I assumed there was some portal.” “There was, but by design. Why did they come here?” “I’ve met Yokai that are definitely European.” “Very few. Think about why that is.” Donnie glances up. “Fewer Yokai in other parts of the world.” “We were actually more widespread in some areas. Why do you think you do not see our brothers and sisters from the Horn of Africa? The Maghreb? From the islands of the great Pacific? They existed, my boy. Ask me why they are not here.” Donnie is silent. Draxum looks over him, his eyes narrowed and cold. “The Hidden City is the last of its kind. There are no other communities like this elsewhere in the world, not anymore. So I will ask you again, boy. Why are there so many Yokai here from Asia? And why are the Yokai of the rest of the world not here?” Donnie remains silent. “Answer me, boy.” “I understand.” “I want you to say it.” “Humans killed them.” Donnie focuses on the ceiling. 

Another one of those 'try to make the lore of the fucking ninja turtles show realistic' decisions. I know the reason they're called Yokai and why there's so much East Asian influence is because they are Ninja and this is a show about Ninjas and the writers wanted to harp on that, but it doesn't really make sense from a lore perspective.

I mean, think of where New York is. Pre flying, pre Panama Canal, the Far East and New York couldn't have really been more far apart. To get from Japan to New York by ship, you had to sail across the Pacific, down the west coast of both north and south America, around Cape Horn, back up the east coast all the way from Argentina to the fucking northeastern tip of the United States. Or land in Washington and cross the entire continent on foot. (I know they have portals but that's not the point, okay?) Like, unless there was a really big, heavy traffic natural portal from the Hidden City to Japan it just doesn't make sense for that to be the primarily culture. Especially considering the Crying Titan, canonical father of all Yokai, is under New York. If there was going to be a higher concentration of Yokai in any peoples, it would be the native people of North America. Because that's where the goddamn empyrean is flowing.

But we see pretty much no obvious First Nations influence. We get some East Asian and some European, all under a heavily Americanized umbrella. I mean, yes, they did this because this is a show marketed to American children and that's what's recognizable to them, but still. I needed it to make sense.

And it gave me the perfect frame to hang a blood-soaked backdrop.

“So you do understand.” Donnie presses his lips together. “I don’t think all humans deserve to die for it.” “I don’t think so either.” He must look surprised, because Draxum looks down at him, amused. “What? Deserve is a rather heavy word. I’m not speaking of deserving. I’m speaking of survival. Humans and Yokai cannot coexist. One of us will destroy the other. I do not intend to allow my people to languish in the dark while the humans choke us out.”

This is really the cornerstone of Draxum's beliefs. Yes, he's acting out of hatred and anger, but I didn't want that to be his whole thing. That's not as compelling, and Draxum's intelligent enough to need a concrete reason. And I mean...from his perspective, relations with humans have always gone sour eventually. And his people end up paying the price for that in blood.

“What makes you so sure?” “It has been foretold.” “What, like a prophecy?” “Exactly. There is a prophecy that predicts-” “You haven’t read much Greek literature, have you?” Donnie shifts in his binds. “Oedipus? Cronos? Or are those guys too old for you too? Let’s see, we have the Mahabharata. Macbeth. Sun, Moon, and Talia. Have you read Harry Potter?” “What-” Draxum closes his eyes. “Child, what in the world are you talking about?” “Those are all stories of self-fulfilling prophecies. In every one of those stories, the actions taken to avoid the prophecy cause it to come to fruition. Cronos eats his kids because he was told one of them would overthrow him, but that just makes his kid angry enough to do it. Talia is foretold to be killed by a splinter of flax, so her father bans flax from the house. The first time she sees someone spinning flax, she doesn’t know what it is and pricks her finger due to her curiosity and inexperience.” “...Why would a splinter of flax kill her?” “I always assumed there was some context lost in the translation, because that part never really made sense. Anyway, the point is that trying to prevent the prophecy just made things worse. It likely never would have come true, if people had simply done nothing.”

I'd like to call back to Draxum's speech to the Shredder in the finale. He does his big dramatic betrayal because he realizes that the prophecy foretelling the destruction of the Yokai was not the humans, but Shredder himself.

But he conveniently leaves out his own role in that. Draxum brought the Shredder back. Even before factoring in the orb he gave Big Mama, pulling Karai from her hell dimension, even without the work he did recovering the cursed metal-like, even if the Foot got every piece of armor the could get their hands on without him, they still wouldn't have finished it because Splinter had the last piece. And there's no way Splinter would have allowed it to be taken. Even Draxum couldn't defeat him in combat. The only reason Splinter gave it up was to save his sons-the sons that were shown kicking the Foot's ass all episode. If it was just them, they couldn't have captured the turtles. No Draxum, no Shredder.

Which makes the entirety of Rise a self-fulfilling prophecy in itself. In trying to destroy what he thought was the greatest threat to his people, Draxum created the very thing that could end them.

“No, it would have been a regular prophecy, like Cassandra predicting the fall of Troy.” “So you do know your Greek literature!” Donnie almost smiles at that. “Potentially. But far more likely that the prophecy simply doesn’t come to pass, like the thousands of other prophecies that are forgotten. We only hear about the ones that come true, after all. And from a simply mathematical standpoint, some of them must come true.” “I understand what you’re trying to do, and I understand your point. But you are a child playing at war.”

Yeah, he doesn't have a good answer here. So he just dismisses Donnie's point. Reminds me of my own dad!

“Well, maybe you need a child’s point of view,” Donnie huffs, rolling his eyes. “Have you ever thought maybe you’re too far into this to see what you’re doing?” He expects Draxum to call him names again, but he’s quiet for an uncharacteristic amount of time. Donnie turns his head, seeing Draxum leaning against his desk, a very far-away look in his eyes. “I know I was,” he finally says, so softly Donnie almost doesn’t hear him. “But I realized my mistake. I pulled out of it before it was too late.” He turns back to Donnie. “That’s why you’re here.”

A callback to Cass telling Draxum that the armor would kill him. Because really, Draxum's plan was stupid. He barely knew anything about this armor, the Foot, why they were so willing to give him this power. Yet he didn't ask questions. He didn't do any research. He trusted the Foot-humans, who had no love for his people and no reason to help him. Yet he plunged in. He was so enamored with the dark armor's power, so obsessed and blinded by bloodlust that he didn't stop to think about any of this. Not until Cass basically slapped him across the face and told him to snap out of.

And then he realized. He'd almost died-and died horribly, feeding a leashless monster. That was how lost he was in his bid for power. He had a whole-ass personal crisis before deciding to take up kidnapping as a hobby.

Donnie raises an eyebrow. “Kidnapping me was the less extreme option.” “Correct.” “I mean, yes, kidnapping one turtle isn’t as bad as unleashing a literal demon, but like…you couldn’t have found some middle ground?” “You’re my strongest arrow,” he replies simply. And it feels like someone’s dumped ice water over him. “Don’t be angry. I tried to compromise with you. I would have let you keep your name and your family, but you’re the one who refused to meet me in the middle.” Donnie just looks off to the side. “Think about it.” Draxum approaches his table, reaching out and grasping Donnie’s shackled hand, fingers curling around him like a claw. “You’re going to help me protect Yokai and mutants alike. We will do great work together, and when I lead my people into the sun with you by my side, your name will go down in history.” He does a little smile at that, like it’s a pleasant thought. “You just have to tell me what you want that name to be.”

I was kind of hoping someone would catch onto this. At this point, Draxum is still considering Donnie (or rather, his fantasy son who doesn't have a name yet) to be an accessory to his power. Like yeah, he wants him to be revered and rewarded after the fighting is done, but when the history books are written he'd be a chapter in Draxum's book. The next time he mentions the whole 'lead our people into the sun' thing, he says they'll do it 'side-by-side' because he now considers Galois an equal, and as time goes on he will eventually see himself as the person meant to help Galois on his path and set him up as the true savior of the Yokai.

[wildernessuntothemselves]

You Are My Queen Now | Part 7

Word Count: 19.7k (there I'm spoiling you still)

Genre: Smut, angst, fluff

Summary: Growing up as a child of a minor lord, you had it instilled in you since a young age that you needed to find yourself a rich and affluent husband that would not only provide a comfortable life for you, but would also help further your family’s position in the court. So it was of the utmost importance that you remain a virgin in order to land such a coveted husband.

The problem lies when the man you secretly love, Prince Beomgyu, suddenly and unabashedly propositions you.

Warnings: extremely unhealthy relationship dynamics, mentions of past noncon and justifications of it, really fucked up characters, actually kinda sweet smut scene, sub!tyun, edging, blowjob.

A/N: Check out the playlist for the fic as well as the wonderful pinterest boards my lovely ♡ anon made for the fic. They’ll really help put you in the mood. For this particular chapter, the theme songs are Neptune by Sleeping At Last for tyun and Where’s My Love by SYML for gyu

“Stop struggling!” Jaeyun hisses in your ear as if you’re being unreasonable for fighting against him.

Angrily, you bite down on his hand, making him curse and pull his hand away. “What are you doing?” You barely have enough time to shout at him before he’s covering your mouth with his hand again, this time holding your jaw shut so you can’t bite him.

“I’m taking you back to the prince.” He confirms your worst suspicions, making your heart sink. Up until this moment you had held onto the tiny, lingering hope that this must be some type of joke or misunderstanding, refusing to entertain the brutal truth that one of your only friends is betraying you like this. “It’s better if you come quietly with me. I don’t want to hurt you.”

‘More than you already are?’ You want to say but can’t. You don’t stop struggling though, Taehyun’s words ringing in your ears, ‘They will want to bring you back safely to him, and that’s an advantage to you because you can hurt them while they can’t hurt you.’ He’d told you that first time he sparred with you, and you really hope that he’s right about that because, as his words replay in your mind, so does your training, and you fumble around for your dagger as Jaeyun begins dragging you through the hall.

You dig your hand into the pocket of your dress, looking for your hidden dagger. Taehyun had made sure that all your dresses have secret pockets to hide your dagger in for situations just like this. You just hadn’t anticipated that when the time comes for you to use it, it would be on someone you thought you trusted.

Using your thumb, you unsheath the blade before pulling it out. In the struggle and the dim light, Jaeyun doesn’t notice you drawing your arm back before plunging the dagger deep into his right thigh. 

He screams and flails, dropping his arms from around you and attempting to jerk away, but you don’t let him go or you’d lose your one weapon. As he continues to try to back away, the dagger almost slips from your hand but you tighten your hold on it to the point where your nails are digging crescents into your palm before you successfully free it from his flesh and move away from him. You take a few steps then whirl around to face him, pointing the now bloody knife at the hunched over man in warning. 

“Fuck, you stabbed me!” He shrieks in disbelief, holding the bleeding wound in his thigh with both hands.

“You tried to kidnap me!” You shout back, not believing the nerve of him, but somehow what he says next is even more ridiculous.  “It’s better that you come with me. It’s the best for everyone involved.”

“You mean the best for you!” You accuse, refusing to let him manipulate you. 

“Not just me. The prince won’t rest until he has you.” 

Or maybe he can. This is exactly what you’ve been worrying about. It’s what Kai is worried about, and now it seems that Jaeyun thinks the same. 

“He will kill anyone in his way. Taehyun, Kai, everyone. You know that.”

You scowl. You can’t listen to this right now, not from a man who just committed the ultimate betrayal against you and everyone he claims to worry about. “Jaeyun, for Kai’s sake, get the fuck out of the castle and don’t come back.” 

“Listen to me–” 

“Leave before Taehyun gets his hands on you. You know he won’t be as kind as me.” You threaten him, voice laced with venom. 

His jaw clenches. “You’re making a mistake.” He says ominously before limping away and disappearing into the darkness. 

You stand there, with your dagger-wielding arm outstretched into the night until it cramps and shakes. Only then do you lower it and take a shuddering breath in, still shaken from what just happened. You expected something like this, Taehyun had warned you so many times about it, you just didn’t expect it from someone you thought was your friend. God, Kai is going to be so heartbroken. 

Oh, Kai… 

It would probably be best if you tell him first, that way he won’t have to hear it from a raging Taehyun. 

You make your way back to the room with the big door, hoping he’s still up. And he is, still playing his harp, blissfully unaware of what just happened. You almost turn around and leave, but when you imagine the rage on Taehyun’s face and how it might be the first thing Kai would see, you decide to stay. 

You clear your throat and call out weakly, “Kai…”

He turns around, a small smile on his lips and his eyebrow quirked up in question, “Hey, why are you still–” The rest of his question dies on his tongue when he sees how shaken up you are and the bloody dagger in your hand. Immediately, he stands up and rushes towards you, knocking the harp to the ground in his haste. “What happened?” 

“Jaeyun…” You say and he freezes in his tracks. 

“Jaeyun? What–what did he–what did you do to him?”

It stings that the first question he manages to get out is about Jaeyun’s well-being instead of yours. But you don’t dwell on it much. He is his best friend and you’re the one with the bloody knife. 

Gathering up all your strength, you tell him the hard truth. “He tried to kidnap me and take me back to Beomgyu.”

He shakes his head. “No, no, Jaeyun wouldn’t do that. It must be a misunderstanding.” 

“But he did. He told me so himself when he grabbed me and tried to drag me away.” You keep your tone soft, knowing how hard this must be for him. 

“Why is that dagger bloody? Where is he? Did you–did you kill–”

“No.” You assuage his worries. “I didn’t hurt him that badly, and he probably left the castle by now.”

He breathes a sigh of relief and it’s silent for a moment while he absorbs what you said. Then he looks at you and blinks. “Oh, what about you? Are you okay?” 

You let out a breathy laugh. “I thought you’d never ask.” You try to keep your voice schooled but it still comes out sounding reproachful.

“I’m sorry, it’s just this is all so shocking. I mean he’s been my friend for years now, it’s hard to believe that he would do this.” He says and you laugh again, “Not that I don’t believe you, it’s just…”

“Hard to believe. I get it.”

“I’m sorry, I really am.” He sighs, “For my reaction and for what he did.”

“You don’t have to apologize for his actions.” You say, “And I’m fine. Just shaken up.”

“I’m glad to hear that. Come, sit down.” He takes you by your free hand and leads you to a chair. You flop down on it, boneless, and you wonder how you managed to stay up for this long. 

"God, Taehyun is going to freak out when he hears about this." 

Kai’s eyes widen."Oh, please don't tell him."

"What?"

"He'll kill him." Kai kneels at your feet and grabs your free hand in his pleadingly. “I know what he did was wrong, and I will do whatever you want to make it up to you but I just can’t…” His voice hitches as he tears up, “He’s my best friend. I can’t bear to see my brother kill my best friend.” 

“Oh, Kai,” You go to cup his cheeks but realize you still have the bloody dagger in your hand. He flinches and stands up while you pull the sheath from your pocket and slip it on the blade before tucking it away, and start again, “I know how hard this is for you but we can't keep this from Taehyun. Don't you think he'll start asking questions when Jaeyun suddenly disappears?" 

He chews on his lip nervously and paces around, thinking. "Then wait until the morning to give him some time to get away."

You can give him that much. It’s probably not wise but you know you’d want the same courtesy if you were in his situation. 

"Okay. If that’s what you want." You sigh, getting up. “And Kai?” 

He stops pacing and looks at you. 

“I’m still sorry about this. I don’t want Jaeyun to get hurt either. And I don’t want to lose you.” 

He presses his lips together before saying, “I don’t want that either.” 

It sounds reassuring and you almost take it as that, but something about his wording makes you uneasy. 

You don’t realize until later that it’s because he said he doesn’t want to, not that you won’t. 

The latter reassures that you have nothing to worry about while the former says that you do. 

____________________________

Taehyun is as furious as you imagined he would be when he finds out. But sweetly enough, he first makes sure you’re alright before he unleashes his fury. 

“How the fuck could he do this? I trusted him. I gave him a position in my court. I let him get close to my family, and he turns around and does this?” Taehyun seethes with barely contained rage. “Just wait until I get my hands on him. Do you know where he went?” 

You shrug weakly, technically not lying but not being entirely truthful either. You should’ve known that such a weak response wouldn’t fail to arouse Taehyun's suspicions immediately. 

"Wait, how come Kai knew about this before me?” His narrowed eyes pin you down. “When did this happen exactly?"

You exchange a nervous look with Kai. 

"When?" Taehyun repeats coldly. 

"Last night."

“What?” He barks, "Why didn't you come to me right away?"

"I–I…” You sputter, not knowing how to tell him that you did it for Kai’s sake. But you make the mistake of glancing at Kai again and Taehyun’s face hardens in understanding. 

He turns to Kai. “Did you tell her to wait so he can escape?” 

“No, he didn’t–” 

“Just let him go, Taehyun, please. For me.” Kai pleads, cutting you off and confirming Taehyun’s suspicions. 

“For you?” If possible, Taehyun becomes even more angry. “You should be the first one after him! He’s your friend and he attacked her. You should be the one punishing him.” 

“And he will be punished.” Kai insists, “I can’t imagine you would let him live out his life as a lord anymore after this. He’s going to lose everything because of this, isn’t this punishment enough?” 

“No, it’s not. He’s not going to live out his life at all.” Taehyun proclaims eerily. 

“No, please! I never contested your rulings before, Taehyun. But please, don’t do this.” 

“I have to. He’s a traitor.” Taehyun deadpans, “The only way he’ll get out of this alive is if I don’t find him so you better hope I don’t.”

“But he didn’t take her and now he’s on the run. Just leave him. What harm is that going to do to you?”

“I can’t just let him get away with this. He needs to pay for his crime just like anyone else. ”  

“You can. You just don’t care enough. You did it for her so why not for me? I’m your brother!” Kai shouts, and the tinge of resentment in his voice takes you off guard. 

You hadn’t really anticipated him using that and, by the looks of it, neither did Taehyun for he blinks and pauses, not really saying anything for a few seconds before he shoots you a look that makes you hang your head low and wish you weren’t here right now. 

“I didn’t do it for her. That old man killed his daughter’s husband to avenge her death.” 

“So? He’s still a killer and you would’ve executed him if it weren’t for her. Why can’t you pardon Jaeyun for me?” 

“Because he’s a traitor.” 

“But–”

“Enough!” Taehyun’s voice rings around the room, shutting Kai up and overwhelming the beat of your own heart. “I will not hear about this anymore. Once I catch Jaeyun, he will be made to answer for his crime, and that’s the end of that.” 

Nervously, you glance at Kai, but he’s not looking at you. He’s staring at his brother with the same anger Taehyun regards him with, but also with hurt. You understand what he must be feeling. To him, it seems that his brother refuses to extend the same courtesy he showed you towards him and his old friend. Even worse, the entire reason his friend is in danger is because of you. 

You move to go after him when he turns around to leave, but Taehyun’s gentle but commanding voice stops you in your tracks. 

“I’m not done talking to you, my lady.” 

You spin on your heel slowly, “Taehyun–”

“See what happens when I make exceptions?” He chastises you and you feel your belly churn in guilt because you know he’s right. “He’s my brother and he’s acting like this. Imagine if other people got wind of it.” 

“I know and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten involved.” You bite your lip. You really should shut up now but when were you ever able to help yourself? “But still… can’t you pardon him for your brother?” 

Of course, your request isn’t to Taehyun’s liking. “You can’t ask that of me.” 

“But I’m fine.” You try to appeal to him. “He didn’t hurt me.”

“This isn’t about you.” 

“Oh.” Your face falls. 

“I hold my court on a very tight but tenuous leash. As you know, half of the lords here don't like me very much. It would only take the smallest sign of weakness on my part for them to pounce on me like hyenas. That’s why I can’t let an act of treason like this go unpunished. It could very well be the death of me.” 

“I understand.” You mumble, never having thought about it that way. There is so much you don’t know. “And I’m sorry. None of this would’ve happened if I wasn’t here.” 

He frowns and moves towards you. “No. None of this would’ve happened if Jaeyun wasn’t a disloyal bastard. You had nothing to do with it.” 

“But surely I didn’t help either. If I wasn’t here–” 

“Stop it.” He snaps, making you flinch, thinking he’s mad at you. But then he gently cups your face in his hand. “You belong here. I want you here.” 

Your heart beats faster. It’s so rare that Taehyun is affectionate towards you, and you never know how to handle it. You just become a nervous mess in his arms like you are right now. 

“You did a very brave thing.” He leans down closer to your face and your breath hitches. “But don’t think I’m not mad at you too.”

You pout and he laughs, swiping his thumb over your puckered lips. “But I’m also proud of you. You picked things up so fast and were able to protect yourself so well. It’s amazing. Not that I ever doubted you.” 

You smile, fighting back your blush. "Well, I was trained by the best." 

He smiles back–a rare sweet, toothy smile and you can’t help but reach up and close the rest of the distance between the two of you, kissing him. 

He believed in you. He believed in you and he gave you the tools and the training to defend yourself and you did. He believed in you and you proved him right. This has never happened to you before. 

For the first time ever, you finally feel capable and proud of yourself. It’s exhilarating. 

But Taehyun is not Taehyun if he doesn’t ruin the mood. 

“The prince won’t stop with just this failed attempt.” He informs you as he breaks the kiss, making you sigh wistfully. 

“Has anyone told you that you’re not very good at the romantic talk?” You tease, but Taehyun, as always, doesn’t share in the banter.  

“You’ll be vulnerable as long as you remain unwedded.” 

Your smile falls and you take a step back. So that’s what this is about. 

“If we were to marry, it might stop him.” Taehyun elaborates, “He can’t steal another lord’s wife without stirring up a scandal in the kingdom, and the king won’t let something like that happen.” 

“Yeah, that’s a great plan. You’re as practical as always.” You mumble, turning your back to him, but Taehyun goes around you and stands in front of you, putting his hands over your arms loosely. “What’s the matter?” 

The matter is that he still hasn’t given you any indication that he feels anything for you. Sometimes you think he might, like when you kiss. When you kiss, he makes you feel like he wants you, like he doesn’t want to let you go, like he’s always waiting for the next time you’ll lock lips again. 

But then he opens his mouth and asks you to marry him with the most emotionless attitude imaginable and you’re back to feeling like just a business transaction to him. 

“Taehyun, do you actually want to marry me or are you just doing this because of my circumstances?” 

“Of course I want to marry you. You think I would’ve asked if I didn’t want to?” He questions as if he can’t possibly understand where you’re coming from. 

“I don’t know, would you?” You exclaim, “I can never read you and you don’t exactly make your feelings known either.” 

“Then what do you want me to do to prove to you that I want you?”

What you actually want is to hear him say he loves you, but you’ve already asked once and his rejection was humiliating enough. So you go with the next best thing. 

"Will you sing for me?" 

That clearly surprises him and slowly blinks at you, dumbfounded by the odd request. "What?"

"Kai had mentioned that you used to sing but don't anymore.” You explain, and you see a little bit of understanding seeping into his wide-eyed gaze. “Will you sing for me?"

He thinks about it for a bit before giving in. “Okay.” 

You don’t know what you expected him to sound like but it’s not this. His voice can only be described as saccharine. It’s even sweeter and more angelic than Kai’s playing, with an occasional but heart-wrenching raspiness that tugs straight at your heartstrings. He doesn’t look at you as he sings, and even though you can’t normally read him, you know that this is a vulnerable moment for him, but he’s doing it for you, and you’re so mesmerized that you find yourself holding your breath so you won’t disturb him and make him stop. 

Only when the song ends, do you let yourself take in a deep breath. 

“I haven’t sang in a long time so I’m sorry if that sounded bad.” Taehyun says sheepishly, sneaking glances at you. “And sorry if you were expecting a love song. I haven’t exactly been entertaining musicians in the last few years so the only song I could remember off the top of my head is the lullaby my mother used to sing to Kai to sleep. It’s probably–”

You cut off his babbling with a kiss, feeling him sigh against your lips and relax, and that, more than anything, makes up your mind.   

“I’ll do it. I’ll marry you.” You tell him, and the smile he gives you is so adorable that you have to lean in and pull him into another searing kiss. He may not have said that he loves you, but you can live with this for now. 

When you separate, you see that his dazzling grin has settled into a content smile that makes you ache. 

“So you really haven’t had any musicians here in years?” 

“I guess I never saw the need.” He shrugs and you gasp. “The need? Music is the food of the soul.” You proclaim grandly. 

“Oh, so that’s why everyone says I have no soul.” He jokes and you both chuckle. It’s so rare to have lighthearted moments like this with Taehyun. So whenever they occur, you make sure to bask in them fully. 

But sadly, even that all but disappears when you speak. “I’ll go check on Kai.”

Taehyun’s expression flips around in an instant. “You don’t have to baby him. He needs to toughen up.” 

You sigh. Well, it was nice while it lasted. 

“It is still hard for him. Jaeyun is his best friend.” You attempt to reason with him but he remains bull-headed. “His best friend who tried to kidnap you and take you back to your captor.” 

“I know, Taehyun. I was there.” You say wearily, tired of his complete lack of empathy towards anyone, even his own brother. “Not everything is about facts and transgressions. People are allowed to have feelings and be sad about the loss of someone even if they hurt them. And we have to give them the time and space to heal.” 

“I don’t see how that helps. You’ve had all the time in the world to heal from your prince, have you healed?” 

“That’s low, Taehyun.” 

“Maybe but it’s necessary. There is no such thing as healing. You just have to pull yourself together and be strong so it can’t hurt you anymore.” 

You laugh. “You know, I could so easily throw this back at you but I won’t because, unlike you, I care about not hurting the people that I love.” 

It takes you a moment after he freezes to realize what you had just said. 

“You love me?”

You sigh defeatedly. There is no point denying it now. “Yeah, I'm an idiot, right?”

You don’t know what you expect him to say in response to your unintentional confession, but anything would’ve hurt less than his silence. It makes the already vulnerable confession feel even more compromising. 

“Forget it. I don’t know why I even bother.” 

“Wait, I…” He calls out and you pause, that damned hope in the pit of your stomach refusing to die already no matter how much bitterness you’re forced to swallow down every day because of him. “You what?”

But he doesn’t say anything. He just stares at you like a cornered cat. Is declaring your love really that frightening for him? Does he even know how to process human emotions? 

You give him a disappointed look and turn on your heel, marching out the door and he lets you. 

He lets you. 

_______________

You find Kai in the harp room, but he’s not playing anymore. He’s sitting hunched over, his head down and cradled in his hands–-the picture of despair, and you can’t help but hurt for him. You know too well what it feels like to lose your dearest friend. 

“Hey sweetheart.” You call out timidly and he cranes his head to look back at you. You can see the redness of his eyes even from where you stand. He doesn’t return your greeting, just puts his head back in his hands so you walk further into the room but you don’t take a seat next to him. You don’t feel welcome to anymore. 

“I’m so sorry for everything.” You venture but he stays quiet. “I know this is very hard for you. Losing friends, especially in this way can be difficult.” 

That’s when he lifts his head to glare at you. “Don’t talk about it like we just drifted apart or something. Taehyun wants to kill him!” 

“Well, maybe he won’t find him.” You suggest dumbly. You’re not very good at this. You’ve never been put in such a situation before. Has anyone?

“He is injured.” 

“Maybe some other lord will take him in and treat his wound?” You continue to grasp at straws. 

“With a death sentence hanging over his head from Taehyun? No one would take that risk.” He retorts once again, clearly finding your suggestions stupid. 

“I don’t know what to tell you, Kai. I wish I could help.” 

“But you can. You can talk to Taehyun.” He beseeches, finally getting up. “Convince him to pardon him like you did with that old man.” 

“I already tried but he refused.” You shake your head, “He says it would put him in danger if the other lords think they can get away with treason.” 

“Then he can do it secretly like last time.” 

You give him a pitying look. “I don’t think he’ll agree to that. That would be too much of a risk.” 

“Just try!” Kai cries in desperation, “Tell him you won’t marry him if he doesn’t. Do something!”

“Honey, I know this is hard–” You reach out to touch him but he stops you with a cold look. “Don’t.”

Your hand drops to your side. 

“I just…” He swallows, looking away. “Need to be alone right now.” 

“I understand.” You concede sadly, practically seeing your friendship with him shattering right in front of your eyes, and knowing you can do absolutely nothing about it. 

This isn’t fair to you. It’s not like you wanted to hurt Jaeyun. He’s the one who decided to betray you all, and it’s not fair that Kai is blaming you for this. 

The sour taste of anger and resentment bubbles up in your throat but you push it down because even though it’s not fair, you know that things are never fair when it comes to those we love. 

Kai is young. He’s lived his whole life seamlessly with Taehyun and Jaeyun. But here you come out of nowhere, putting his best friend in danger and turning his brother against him. It may not be your fault but, in Kai’s eyes, your presence is what instigated this. 

He just needs some time and space to process things and then he’ll come around. Or at least that’s what you hope. 

_______________________

Unlike Beomgyu’s wedding to Ryujin and how it slowly crept forward like death, inevitable, your wedding to Taehyun came at you with startling speed. 

There weren’t any big preparations to do or any guests from other lands to invite over so there was no need for any delays. Especially that Taehyun wanted the wedding done and over with before any news of it got back to Beomgyu. 

The days went by in a blur, so fast that it didn’t really sink in that you’re marrying Taehyun until the night before the wedding when Kai came to visit you. 

You hadn’t talked to him since his fight with Taehyun. He’d been avoiding you, and so when you see him, you attempt to not let the interaction be stifled with any uncomfortable emotions. 

“Came to wish me good luck?” You joke lightly, but no amount of willpower could keep the smile on your face for long when he looks at you so unhappily.  

“Please don’t go through with this. He’s going to hurt my brother.” 

You let your facial muscles fall into a disillusioned expression like they want to. You’re not going to let him pin everything down on you like Jaeyun did on your own wedding night. “He’s not. Taehyun said this is the way to stop him. If I’m married, he won’t be able to just take me without any repercussions.” 

But Kai isn’t convinced, “And you actually believe that that would stop him?” 

Fuck. You hate how you’re so easy to read. 

 You falter for a second, but pull yourself together by sheer will. “I have to believe it.”

You spent your whole life wishing for this moment–to be married to a rich and powerful lord who would respect you and provide for you, and Taehyun is that. You refuse to be guilted out of this because of something outside of your control. Why do all the other nobles get a shot at happiness but when you try to take yours, you’re being a bad person? You deserve to be happy too, right? 

You’re happy about this marriage, right? 

You shake your head to dispel the doubts that plague you like flies swarming a rotten carcass.  “And if it won’t, you’re just going to have to trust in the capabilities of your brother. He asked me to marry him knowing full well what Beomgyu is capable of. He’s not some weakling that Beomgyu can crush. He can defend himself, and I don’t think he’d appreciate you trying to make his decisions for him.” 

“He may not be happy about my interference, but you know just as well as I do that Taehyun gets tunnel-vision when it comes to things like this and he becomes blind to the bigger picture. He wants to help you but he’s not taking into account how doing that would end up jeopardizing everyone else.” 

“Are you saying that he’s only marrying me out of charity? Because he’s not. He said so himself!” You defend yourself pathetically. 

“He is fond of you, that much is obvious, and I know you also bear some affection for him, and that is why I’m asking you to step aside. If you truly love him, wouldn’t you want him not to get hurt?” He pleads with you. 

“Of course, I don’t want him to get hurt! I thought about it a million times but your brother is strong and he wants to do this.” You shout, getting emotional. “And what about me? Don’t you care about my safety or my happiness? Didn’t you want me and Taehyun to be together? Or was I only good when it benefited you?”

Kai at least has the grace to look ashamed of himself. “I do care about you but he’s my family.”  

"And I'm not." You let out a short laugh. “Got it.” 

This has always been your life. No matter how much some people may claim to accept you, you'll never be their family. Wonyoung did it before and now Kai, and your hatred for your own family reignites once again. If only they had embraced you. If only they had put you first like other families did their own, you wouldn't even be in this position. 

“I just don’t want him to get hurt.”   

“I know.” You acknowledge, but the bitterness still burns your tongue. “Look. Beomgyu is the prince, yes, but he is the second in line. He doesn’t have as much power as you think he does. Especially that his father doesn’t even approve of me being there. He would do anything to keep me here so that limits Beomgyu even more. If he could've done something, he would’ve done it already instead of sending Jaeyun after me. He probably has nothing.” 

“I want to believe you. I so very want for all of this to work out.” Kai effuses, stressed out, “But what if you’re wrong? What if he has merely been threatening us all this time, and when he finds out about you marrying Taehyun, he will unleash his real power?”

You run your hands through your hair nervously. You fear that too. Beomgyu was never a fighter but you know he has great relations in the royal court and out of it. He always had a way with people. You’d seen him charm his way through many situations and recently you’d seen just how manipulative and cunning he could be. He might be capable of much more than you can imagine. 

But you can’t give into your fears. Taehyun is an adept and proven warlord, unlike Beomgyu. You don’t have any real evidence to say that Beomgyu can actually harm Taehyun in any way. You were able to defend yourself against Jaeyun so Taehyun sure as hell can defend himself against any attacker too. For all you know, Beomgyu is just bluffing. 

You shake your head again. “There is nothing he can throw at us that we won’t be able to take.” 

Kai sighs and lets his head hang low for a moment. You can see the tension in his shoulder, and hear how exhausted he is. The worry must be weighing heavily on him, and It makes a pang of guilt shoot through your heart. 

“I really hope you’re right about this.” He says finally, picking his head up and moving towards the door to take his leave. But before he passes through it, he cranes his head back to say one last thing, “For your sake more than anyone.”

Then the door slams shut behind him. 

Your mind races to try to process his parting words. Was that a threat? Is this his way of warning you that if Taehyun gets hurt, you're going to pay for it? 

In all cases, you now know for sure that you’re losing Kai. That’s two down out of the three people who you thought actually cared for you here. Now you only have Taehyun, and his love for you has always been under serious doubt. 

You didn’t have many people back at the castle either but at least Wonyoung never threatened you. At least Beomgyu loved you.  

That night, all you could think about is Beomgyu. 

First, you think about what he might have in store for you. If he really has more up his sleeve than you think, and how it could even be possible for him to take you from Taehyun if you got married.

Then it turns to wondering what he might be doing right now. If he’s thinking about you like you’re thinking about him. How he might take the news of your marriage. You know it would crush him. You still remember how he cried the night you left him. You can’t imagine what he’ll feel when he discovers that you gave yourself in marriage to another man. It would kill him, you’re sure of it, because it’s killing you. 

You miss him so much, and in your moment of weakness, you allow yourself to wish you were back in his arms. He would hold you so tightly and never let go. He would tell you that he loves you over and over until you have no thought left in your brain other than being loved by him. Oh, how you long to be loved again…

You only realize you’re crying when you feel the dampness of your pillow against your cheek. You know it’s ridiculous. He’s married too. You’re not doing anything different, but somehow this just feels so final. If Taehyun is right, then you’ll never again get to have his arms around you, listen to his comforting voice, feel the sense of peace that could only come with knowing that you’re in the presence of your soulmate.

This feels like he’s being ripped away from you all over again, and this time permanently. 

______________________

He doesn���t leave you even in your dreams. 

You’re on that beach again, like you are every night, and he’s sprawled down in the sand in front of you, bleeding and crying out your name. He can’t see you and you can’t reach out to him. He’s wailing about how you’ve hurt him, how you’ve betrayed him, how you’ve never loved him. Every muscle in your body aches to run to him and take him in your arms, assure him that you do love him, that you wouldn’t have done this if you saw any other way, that you long for nothing more than to be with him again, but you can’t move. You just stand there and watch while he screams for you.

When you wake up, your face looks so puffy and haggard that no amount of cosmetics could make it better, not that you had much on hand anyway. You look the worst you’ve ever looked in your life, and you feel it too. You must make quite a spectacle walking down that aisle. Luckily, there aren’t many people here to see the ghastly bride. 

In typical Taehyun fashion, the wedding is modest and small. He doesn’t waste any money on frivolous expenses like decorations or music. Usually that would bother you, you always imagined your wedding to be a spectacular affair much like Beomgyu’s wedding… more specifically, the same as Beomgyu’s wedding because you had always fantasized about being his bride. There would be flowers of every kind from all around the world, but the most prominent ones would be sunflowers, your favorite. The chapel would be draped in the most gorgeous whites. He’d wear a golden suit even more ethereal than the one he wore on his wedding, and you’d wear the prettiest wedding dress ever made. But Beomgyu would still see nothing but you because, to him, you’re more beautiful than any dress ever could be. The celebration would be held in a huge ballroom and the guests would come in wearing their finest jewels and apparel to share in your merriment. You would dance all night and laugh and drink. And when he takes you back to your marriage bed, he would take a moment to just stand there and let it sink in that you’re finally going to belong to each other forever. 

Your actual wedding is nothing like that. 

It’s an intimate affair, just you, Taehyun, the priest and a few lords to bear witness to the marriage. The chapel is small and bare, no sign of the normal revelry of weddings in sight. Your dress is pretty enough, made of lace and studded with crystals, but the beauty of it is dampened by the fact that it belongs to Taehyun’s departed mother. You suppose what Taehyun is wearing is more elaborate than anything you’ve ever seen on him, but the somber dark blue of its color combined with your dress, borrowed from the dead, makes it seem like he's an undertaker escorting an unfortunate young bride to her grave. 

Taehyun made sure to invite only his most trusted advisors, so the news won’t get out to Beomgyu before the wedding, and even then, he only let them know the night before.

This wedding isn’t what you had imagined as a little kid at all, but somehow, that makes it easier to get through. There was no need for maintaining appearances or socializing. It’s a miserable wedding befitting a runaway and her divisive lord. 

And so the wedding goes by in a blur, and without a hitch. Well, almost.

When the part where you actually give your consent to getting married to him comes, you waver. 

Standing there, looking at the emotionless countenance of the man in front of you, your mind once again wanders to how Beomgyu would’ve looked in this moment. You imagine he’d be the happiest you’d ever seen him. He’d tear up a little, and then so will you because you both just can’t believe how lucky you are to be marrying your soulmate. 

But Taehyun is not your soulmate, and his eyes are as cold as ever as he gazes down at you.

“My lady?” The priest calls to you when you remain silent for too long. 

You look at him then look around the room. You feel short of breath as you realize that you’re surrounded by people who don’t care about you, standing in front of a man who doesn’t love you, who may never love you, and you feel a soul-crushing sense of hopelessness because you know you have no other choice but to marry him.

You keep your tears to yourself, and recite your lines as if out of your body. 

Taehyun only pauses to scrutinize you for a second, and you can only imagine what is going on inside his head for his expression remains unreadable to you, before he recites his own vows quickly and efficiently. And just like that, you’re married. 

The celebration after is lackluster and joyless–for you have no family or friends to celebrate with. The only two people you cared to celebrate this day with you are either on the run or think that you’ll be the downfall of Taehyun.  

Only one exception breaks the monotony of your depressing wedding; the unexpected appearance of a band that comes on to play the sappiest love songs you’ve ever heard. They’re truly god-awful and out of place, and by the confused looks of the other lords and how Taehyun seems to avoid your gaze, you know that he got them just for you, and for the first time today, the feeling that you’re making a huge mistake lifts off you just a little bit. 

________________________________

The rest of the muted celebration goes by in a haze, and before you know it, you’re in front of your marriage bed. 

You have your back to Taehyun as you face the bed, silently gathering up the courage to do this. 

You don’t know why you’re so nervous now. You’ve wanted him in an intimate way for a long time and now you can have him. But it just feels so wrong. He’s your husband, but he’s not your soulmate. He’s your husband but he doesn’t love you. 

Taking in one last big gulp of air, you let your robe fall off your body and turn around, letting him see you in all your nakedness. 

You can see that he is hesitant, but he lets his eyes wander over your body, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he gulps. But he doesn’t make a move towards you. He just stands back with his glass of wine still in his hand, forcing you to gather up even more courage than you thought you had in order to speak up and not fall to the floor to pull your robe back around your body. "Aren't you going to take what's yours, my lord?" 

Finally, he puts the glass down and moves towards you. You steel yourself up, anticipating his touch, but get confused when he leans down to get your robe and drape it back over you. 

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to." He tells you, and suddenly, all your feelings of apprehension and self-doubt transform to anger. You can’t believe he is pulling this shit on your wedding night. "Do you not want me? Is that it? Am I not desirable enough for you?"

He has the audacity to look taken aback. "What? No. You’re stunning. You’re so… sexy.” His voice grows hoarse as his eyes flit to your breasts that lay exposed by the loosely draped robe,. “It was hard holding back all this time." 

“Then why did you?” You ask, frustrated.

“I would never defile a woman like that.” 

“I was already defiled.” You snort bitterly. 

“No, you’re not.” He protests firmly, “What he did to you, it was against your will.”

“But this is not.” You groan, “Why didn’t you at least show me that you want me? Why do you always have to make me feel so unwanted?” 

“I–I…” He looks unsure of himself. “I’m just not used to these things. I’ve never been with a woman like that before. I don’t know how to act. I’ve only ever known blood and death.”

His woe is me attitude is really getting on your nerves, and you’re not going to take that excuse any longer, not on your wedding night. 

Grabbing him by his shirt, you push him down on the bed and straddle him.

He looks up at you, wide eyed. “What are you doing?” 

“Shut up.” You kiss him. 

Taehyun’s lips are always chapped from the cold weather and lack of care, so unlike Beomgyu’s soft, smooth lips. It's another side of him that is rough and raw, making up the unpolished amalgamation that is him. But the inside of his mouth is just as searing, drawing you in as he lets you deepen the kiss to your heart’s content. 

At least he kisses you back like he means it, and when you move to push your body closer to his, you feel his hard member brush against your thigh. 

You break the kiss to lean back and look at him, noticing how his pupils have dilated to overtake his gray irises. Deliberately, you rock your hips against his, making his breath hitch and his hands fly to grab at your hips. 

“Do you like that, my lord?” 

“You’re my wife now. Don’t call me that.” He rasps. 

“I am your wife, and I’ll call you whatever I want.” You tangle your fingers through his hair and pull his head slightly back to bear his neck. He keeps his eyes on you as you lean down and run your mouth over the sensitive skin, feeling goosebumps sprout under your lips. 

“Do you want me, my lord?” You ask pointedly, emphasizing your words with another roll of your hips. 

“Yes.” 

“Good.” Your lips latch onto his neck, sucking a bruise into his skin as your fingers start to undo his shirt. When you’re done, you push it off his body, your lips making their way from his neck down his chest, continuing to mark his skin in vengeance for all the times he made you feel unwanted so that when he looks at himself in the mirror, he’ll remember how you made him feel. 

As you make your way down his body, you feel the muscles of his belly tense under you, and when you start unbuttoning his pants, he pulls himself up on his elbows to stop you. 

“Wait—” He says, voice strained as you pull his cock out of his pants, touching him skin to skin for the first time. “You don’t have to do–” 

You cut him off by taking his dick in your mouth. 

“Oh…” He gasps shakily, falling back on the bed, and pride fills your chest. 

You've never done this before with Beomgyu, even though he always begged you to do it. You just thought it was too demeaning. Besides, you couldn’t imagine how you could possibly fit him in your mouth. Taehyun is your husband though–it’s not as demeaning doing this to him, and he is smaller than Beomgyu so you imagine you can take him easier. Besides, you heard that this drives men crazy and you want to make Taehyun lose control for once. 

You suck on his cock like you read about before, keeping your eyes on Taehyun to see how he would react. It seemed like the tighter your mouth was around him, the better he liked it. He also likes it better when you wet his cock with your saliva, making the slide of your mouth over him easier. 

The noises that fill the room make your cheeks flame. You know you said that it was demeaning, but seeing the normally stoic man tense under you and hearing his quiet gasps every time your mouth would get close to the head of his cock made you wetter than you’d care to admit. 

You wonder how Beomgyu would’ve looked if you had agreed to suck him off. He would be loud, that’s for sure, debauched and urging you to go faster and harder. He’d have your hair wrapped around his fist–

No! You need to stop thinking about him. You’re with your husband for fuck’s sake, and you shouldn’t be thinking about Beomgyu in that way especially after he violated you against your will.

Wanting to punish yourself for thinking of him, you force your mouth down on Taehyun’s cock more than you can take, the top of it hitting the back of your throat and making you gag. 

“Oh fuck, stop, stop, I’m going to cum…” Taehyun squirms and you pull back, his cock slipping from your mouth and hitting his belly with an obscene wet sound that makes you grow even wetter.

“Shit, what are you doing to me?” He laments as he tries to catch his breath. 

You don’t let him though, quickly pushing your robe off, revealing yourself to him once again, and there is no denying how aroused he is when you see how his cock twitches at the sight. 

You smile, climbing on top of him and grabbing his cock in one hand while pleasuring yourself with the other in order to make sure you’re wet enough to take him. 

“I’m your husband. Let me do that for you.” Taehyun croons, moving his hand further up your thigh, but you know that if you let him, you might lose control and you don’t want that. You want him to be the one feeling overwhelmed for once. 

“No. You wanted me to show you how I can take charge, right? Well, I am taking charge.” You position his cock at your entrance and slowly sink down on him. 

His gasp when he first feels you around him and the strangled moan he lets out once he’s all inside make the pain of not having prepared yourself fully better. Still, you give the both of you some time. It’s his first time, and while it’s not yours, you only had sex once and it was a long time ago so it still stings a bit. 

“Can you… move?” He grunts after a while, splaying his fingers over your ass as if he’s prepared to move you himself if you don’t. You wonder if he’ll do it. 

“I don’t know if you deserve it after the way you made me feel.” You pretend to think it over, clenching around his length just to tease him. 

“Please.” He chokes out, his hands gripping your ass tightly, and that one word, coming from him, drives you wild. 

“Fine.” You steady your hands on his chest and start riding him. 

He fits you perfectly, his cock filling you up just the right amount. It hits all the right places without stretching you out too much, and it feels great.

But he doesn't overwhelm you like Beomgyu does, doesn't leave no room for other thoughts. No, you have to physically push these thoughts out yourself. He is obviously enjoying it too but he’s not wild about you like Beomgyu is. He’s not reacting to you like he needs you to breathe… and you’re addicted to being needed. It’s sick that even though Beomgyu took you against your will, you still want him because, in the most fucked up way, it showed you how much he needed you. 

But this is good for you–not a smothering love and a burning need so intense it incinerates your skin, but a steady fire that warms you up enough to survive the winter. You just need to get used to the chill against your skin as you work hard on stoking the fire. 

Maybe that’s why you keep prompting him to tell you how he feels, to reassure you that he’s still enjoying it. "You feel good?"

He nods, biting down on his lip.

"It doesn't suit you to be meek, my lord. Speak up."

"Yes." He answers, voice tight. 

That gives you the reassurance and drive to keep going, and you move faster over him. 

He still doesn't vocalize much but judging by how tense he looks and how tightly he grabs onto you, you can tell he likes it.

“How is your first time, my lord? Is my pussy as good as you thought it would be?” You mewl, your hands hanging onto his body as you ride him, feeling the hard planes of his muscles under your fingers. 

“It’s better.” He grunts, his big hands spreading your asscheeks apart. “Can I go faster, beautiful?” 

You want him to, you really do, but he has not lost control yet, hasn't gotten desperate enough for your liking, so you don’t let him.   

“No. I like it this way.” 

“Seems like you just want to see me go crazy.” He calls you out, but you brush it off. “So? You’re my husband, don’t I get to do what I want to you?”

“Yes, my beautiful.” He cajols, reaching out with one hand to cup your breast. When his thumb brushes over your nipple, you falter, breath stuttering and your body arching into his touch. Noticing your reaction, he doubles down, moving both hands to your breasts and playing with your nipples. 

“Fuck…” You whimper, leaking arousal around his cock and making a mess. 

You can’t let him fuck you up like this. You need to regain control. So, leaning over him, you anchor yourself to better ride him, moving your hips up and down faster. 

When Taehyun’s breathing picks up and eyelids fall heavy over his hazy eyes, you know you’ve reclaimed the upper hand. His soft, shuddered breaths are like music to your ear, egging you to fuck him faster so his eyes would gloss over completely. 

And you try your damn hardest, but before you can accomplish that, you start to tire out, your thighs burning from the effort, and you’re forced to slow down. 

Curiously, that pulls a quiet whine from Taehyun. “Why did you slow down?” 

You grab his hands and lower them to your ass again, “Take over for me, won’t you, my dear?” 

“Whatever you want.” He murmurs, his eyes falling to where you’re joined together as he grabs fistfuls of your ass and starts moving you over him. It would probably be easier for him to thrust upwards but Taehyun is so strong that it’s easy for him to lift your body up and bring you down onto his dick in rapid, vigorous strokes. 

The drag of his cock against your walls and the way he doesn’t take his eyes off your pussy that keeps swallowing him are so good that you almost don’t think about Beomgyu anymore as your orgasm approaches. 

But before you can fall over the edge, Taehyun’s strained voice calls to you. "I'm going to cum." 

"No. Hold it.” You whine, clinging onto your building orgasm. “I'm not there yet. Can you do that for me, my lord?" You drawl seductively, and he seems to like that. 

“Yes.” He shudders, his face scrunching up as he doubles down on his efforts, bouncing you on his cock with impressive ease. 

You gaze down at him with hazy eyes, marveling over how his muscles bulge with each movement. “Taehyun, touch me.” You plead, grabbing one of his hands and guiding it between your legs. 

“Fuck, so wet and smooth.” Taehyun groans as his fingers rub the velvety skin of your pussy. His touches are untrained and unfocused, but the rough calluses on his fingers make you shudder every time he invariably brushes against your clit.

You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to focus on the building pressure, but you realize your mistake when you see the image of Beomgyu plastered over the back of your eyelids. 

Gasping, you find yourself suddenly hurled over the edge. 

“Oh, oh god.” You mewl, your body shaking and your pussy spasming over Taehyun’s cock as you cum. 

“I can’t–-I can’t—” Taehyun chokes, his hips bucking up and pushing his cock further into your pussy. It feels so good but you can’t let him cum inside you. 

Whimpering, you sit up on jittery legs, making his cock fall out of your pussy. 

“Why–” He growls, but before he can finish his question, you grab his cock and jerk him off, your hand sliding fast over his slick length and easily salvaging his high. 

"Cum for me, my lord." 

Disappointingly, he goes completely still and quiet as he comes. Only once his cum is splattered across his stomach, does his breathing return in shaky pants. 

You have to admit, he looks incredibly sexy though. The usually cold lord lying under you on his back, skin glistening with sweat and cum. It may not be that hunger that you crave but it’s a pretty sight. 

"Was that good?" You ask, still needing the reassurance since he won’t talk otherwise.

"It was incredible.” He confesses, and then adds, “Now I understand why some men go to war over this."

“Well, you might just have to.” You snort but Taehyun doesn’t seem to find it funny anymore. 

“I can take him.” 

You give him a smile that doesn’t reach your eyes, and thankfully, for once, Taehyun understands that you don’t want to talk about it. You feel a flood of shame wash over you as you remember what just happened. You just came to the thought of Beomgyu. You just had your first orgasm with your new husband while thinking of your past lover who forced himself on you. 

You're a terrible, sick human being. 

As if you could feel any worse about yourself, Taehyun asks, "Was that… good for you also?" He cringes at his own wording and doesn't meet your eyes. It's a bit endearing if you're honest. 

"It was." You say, fighting against your inner shame to reach a hand out to touch his shoulder. 

"Was it as… did it feel…" He keeps starting and stopping his sentences and, in that moment, you realize how unsure and out of his depth he is. 

"What is it, Taehyun?" 

He finally looks into your eyes, and you see his gaze flit between them, searching for something. You hope he finds it but it seems like he doesn’t, for he moves you gently to the side and gets up off the bed, mumbling, "Nothing. Forget about it."

This enigmatic interaction makes you wonder if there have been other moments like this before that you just hadn’t noticed–moments when he felt unsure about something but never mentioned it to you. And that just makes you latch onto this more.

"Taehyun, you can talk to me. I know this was your first time and it can be stressful–" 

"It's not that." He cuts you off as he grabs a rag to wipe himself off. "I was just worried because I didn't do much. I'm the man. I should be the one pleasing you." 

You get a feeling that that's not really what's bothering him but you can see from the way his shoulders hunch up stiffly that he has put his guard back up and is not willing to divulge anymore at this moment so you have to regrettably let it go. It's not like you're that forthcoming with him either. 

"The man? That's unlike you to say." 

He snorts, acknowledging it. "I don't usually but it's the duty of a husband to please his wife."

"Well consider me pleased."

You watch as Taehyun grabs both of you your sleeping attire. He puts his on, which consists of only a pair of soft pants, then hands you yours. 

“You don’t wear any clothes to sleep?” You ask as you slip on your silk nightgown. 

“I get very hot in my sleep.” 

“Here?” You ask incredulously and he shrugs. “I guess my body just runs at a higher temperature.” 

“No kidding.” You mutter, not believing that anyone can find the local weather anything but chilling. 

Taehyun gets into bed beside you and draws the cover over his button half. You get under the covers too, and neither of you makes any attempt to move closer to the other. 

"Do you need anything?" He asks, fidgeting with the cover in his lap. 

"Uh, no." You reply just as awkwardly. He looks at you like he wants to say or do something but is very hesitant about it. "Do you need anything?"

His eyes widen as he realizes he's been staring, and he shakes his head. "No." 

“Well, goodnight.” You say, lying down on your side of the bed. 

“Goodnight.” He whispers, and you think you hear him sigh before he grabs the candle on the nightstand, blowing the flame out and plunging you into darkness. 

_____________________________________

You can’t sleep. You’re not alone in bed so you can’t toss and turn restlessly like you usually do so all that nervous energy remains trapped up inside you and makes you even tenser, like a coiled spring. You're also very cold but you can’t bundle all the covers around you because you'd be taking them from Taehyun.

So you can’t do anything but lie very still and watch him sleep as you curl into a ball on the other side of the bed. 

You try to focus on his breathing, slow and deep, in and out, in and out… but it only helps to slow your heart rate down a little and nothing more. And it spikes back up again when he suddenly opens his eyes.  

“You’re watching me sleep.” He states. “I can’t sleep while someone is watching me.” 

“Sorry, I just can’t sleep.” You mumble sheepishly at having been caught. 

It's quiet for a while as he stares back at you and your eyebrows furrow. Did he fall asleep with his eyes open? 

But then he speaks up, startling you once again. “Can I help?” 

You think about it for a moment, hesitating. You’re cold and this castle still freaks you out. You'd feel better if you were in a warm and safe embrace, but you don’t know if you can ask that of him. Which is hilarious because he's your husband. You had sex with him, but you can’t ask him to cuddle you? 

Fuck it. The both of you won't get any sleep if you stay like this. 

“Can you hold me? I’m cold.” You venture to ask, but immediately regret it when he stiffens. 

“Oh.” 

“You don’t have to–” 

“No, no, come here.” He rushes to say, grabbing you by the arm and pulling you towards him, unintentionally using a little too much power and jerking on your shoulder roughly. 

“Ow!”’ You yelp and he quickly apologizes. “Sorry, sorry.” 

But then it gets quiet again.  

“...now what?” He wonders, lost, and it would be cute if it wasn't so uncomfortable. 

“You put your arms around me.” 

“Okay.” He wraps his arms around you awkwardly. He obviously hasn’t done this before with the way you’re positioned, face to face with his arms loosely draped around you as if he’s afraid to touch you. You want to say something but the charged air is just too stifling to cut through. So you close your eyes and just try to go to sleep. Or at least pretend to sleep until he does. 

But then he speaks up. “Is this helping?” 

Well, he is hot like he said so you're not cold anymore, but if anything you're even more stressed now. You feel like you can't move a muscle or even breathe in too deeply so as not to disturb him. So you just lie perfectly still, but he doesn’t. For some reason, his leg keeps shaking. 

But him speaking up gives you the courage to speak too. 

“Not really. You keep shaking your leg." 

“Oh sorry.” He apologizes in a way that makes you think he didn’t even realize he was doing it. “It’s a nervous habit.” 

“It’s okay.” You sigh and pull away. “I’ll just get a drink.” 

"Oh, okay."

You get up and go pour yourself some wine. “Want some?” You ask Taehyun who is now sitting up in bed, but not looking at you.

“No, thank you.” 

“You’re still shaking your leg.” You remark, before taking a big gulp from your cup. 

“Oh, fuck.” He slaps his hand down on his leg as if to physically hold it in place then laughs. “If my father was here, he would whip me for this. He always hated when I did that, said it made me look like a nervous rat.” 

“That’s awful.” 

It really is. The more you hear about his father–which isn’t much since Taehyun is not the type of man to divulge his pain to anyone–the more you grow to hate him for what he did to Taehyun and his little brother. 

“Yeah well, he was an awful man.” He shrugs. “I thought I kicked the habit years ago. Don’t know why it’s back.” 

“I know.” You snort. “You’re uncomfortable around me.” 

“I’m not… uncomfortable around you. I'm just uncomfortable about this whole situation in general.” 

“Well, you certainly know how to make a lady feel better.” 

He winces, and you can see him collect himself before he forces himself to look at you. "This is all just so new to me but I'm trying. I swear I am.” 

You take another mouthful of your drink and look away. "And what if that's not enough for me?"

"Don't say that."

You shrug and down the rest of your cup. “Maybe I should go sleep in my old room.” 

“No.” He says with an unexpected finality. “You’re my wife. We should sleep in the same bed. I’m just… not good at this. So… help me?” He asks you with a vulnerability you're not used to from him, and even though you want nothing more right now than to escape the suffocating awkwardness of the situation, you don’t have the heart to refuse him.

You put down your empty glass and join him on the bed. “Lay down.” You tell him and he obeys, looking up at you with a lost expression on his face that is painfully reminiscent of a child who is not used to any kind of affection. 

Your heart lurches in your chest as you grab his arm that is closest to you and pull it away from his body so you can curl yourself around his side, resting your head onto his shoulder and draping your arm over his torso. 

“Try to relax.” You whisper, to yourself as much as to him, and you feel him nod. But after a while, he still hasn’t relaxed much. 

Should things be this difficult? It was never difficult with Beomgyu. In fact, it was the holding back that was hard. But maybe that’s a good thing. Things came so easy to Beomgyu that he felt entitled to more than you were willing to give and he justified it by saying how much you wanted him too. It may be awkward and unfamiliar with Taehyun but at least he never took more than you gave him. It may not be easy but you have to try your best to make it work. He's your husband now. 

So when Taehyun’s leg starts shaking again, you think of what Beomgyu might’ve done to calm you down in this situation and that's when an idea pops into your head. 

Craning your head up, you cup his cheek and pull his lips to yours. 

Every time you kiss him, he seems to reciprocate it faster, like he was waiting for you to make the move. Being more receptive to physical touch than emotional or verbal ones, this seems to succeed in calming him down, and he stops shaking his leg. 

When you pull away, he looks down at you, murmuring a soft sorry that you answer with a small smile. 

You’ll make this work no matter how hard it is. You have to. 

__________________________

Things are better for the next couple of months after the wedding. Taehyun slowly--painfully slowly, seems to become less tense around you, and more flustered. You don’t have to ask him to hold you to sleep at night. He doesn't refuse you when you touch him. He's still stand-offish when you're not behind closed doors but you catch him stealing glances at you during the day, quickly looking away when your eyes meet his. 

It was kind of cute. But you can’t fully enjoy it as much as you’d like to because there is one thing occupying your mind and not allowing you to let your guard down.  

You know that the news of your marriage must've reached Beomgyu by now, and yet he hasn't said a word to you since, no letter, no nothing. Why is he so quiet? Shouldn't he have said something by now? Condemned you? Cursed you? Threatened you? Anything would’ve freaked you out less than his unnerving silence. 

Could he possibly be preparing something huge? Or was your betrayal so harrowing that he actually gave up on you? Could he have hurt himself because of you? 

Oh god, please don't let it be that. You wouldn't be able to forgive yourself if you found out that you’re the reason he hurt himself in any way.  

“Wondering why he’s so silent too?” Kai’s voice drifts to you on the wind as you stand on the now familiar ledge, trying to clear your thoughts. 

“Yes.” You admit, “Maybe he gave up on me like Taehyun said.” 

“Why do you sound so sad saying it?” 

“Kai–” 

“I really hope he did. Taehyun seems happy with you. You know, he sometimes looks off into the distance and smiles randomly when he thinks no one is paying him any attention. It's weird." Kai looks at you with a hint of the previous friendly mischievous you used to share and you can’t help but smile in response. 

“You’re really making him change. It’s amazing to see. You’re the perfect woman for him.” He ends on a seemingly unfinished note, and you can’t help but prod, even though you know you won’t like it. “But?” 

“But I wish you didn’t come with a crazy prince in tow.” 

There it is. You sigh heavily, staring at the waves in the distance, wishing you could feel them against your skin once again like you did that last time you and Beomgyu were together. You could really use a soul cleansing right now, but you wonder if it would be the same without him, if the waves would wash over you and purify you like they did last time or if they would crash onto you and submerge you, pulling you down until you can’t breathe anymore. 

“I don’t believe your prince has given up. This is just the silence before the storm." Kai informs you, leaning on his elbows over the low stone wall that stands between you and sure death down below, and looks off into the distance. "And I can already see it brewing.”

A sense of dread fills you up as you follow his gaze, already feeling the salt water burning at your throat. 

_________________________________________

And what a storm it is.

“He is going to kill you.” You hear Kai’s raised voice even before you open the door. 

“I can handle myself.” Taehyun replies, tone as reserved as ever but you can tell that there is an edge to it. 

“You should’ve thought hard before you married–” 

Something really bad must’ve happened. You just know it. You can feel your heart beat erratically as you swing the door open and step in. “What is going on?”

It’s Kai that hits you with the news, devoid of any of the courteous preparation anyone else might’ve attempted before delivering such life-altering information.

“The king is dead. So is the crown prince. They were murdered in their sleep.”

Oh god no. Bile and words race each other to claw their way up your throat. 

“And B-Beomgyu?” 

“Injured but alive.” 

You've never felt so relieved before in your life, and it's obvious on you, as Kai doesn’t fail to remark. 

"Look at her. She's happy he's okay. She doesn't even know what this means." He sneers, gesturing to Taehyun wildly, and the latter regards you with narrowed eyes. 

"Don't you understand what's happening?" Taehyun asks you but you stare at him cluelessly, your brain still flooded with relief at knowing that Beomgyu is okay. 

"Your prince has to have been the one who killed them." Taehyun explains slowly, irately. "The news of our marriage must've reached him, and he's making his move."

Realization falls on you like an anchor, pinning you to your spot with the sheer weight of it, and ripping through the tenous foundations of the life you’ve built here. Now that his father and older brother are dead, you realize that there is nothing standing between you and him anymore. 

Except one person.

Your eyes snap towards Taehyun in horror, and he understands your concern immediately. 

“Don’t worry. As I was just telling Kai, he’s not going to hurt me.” He reassures you then turns towards Kai to continue, “He can’t hurt me even if he tried. He’s just a royal prick that is mad that someone dared to take his toy away from him.”

His wording offends you. Beomgyu doesn’t think of you as a toy. He loves you, which is more than you can say for Taehyun. 

You know this isn’t what you should be concerning yourself with at this moment, but to hear Taehyun degrade your relationship with Beomgyu in this way felt incredibly hurtful. Beomgyu is the only person who ever loved you, and Taehyun's implication that you were just a play thing for him shatters you, because if he didn't love you and Taehyun doesn’t love you then who does? 

Your self-involved inner tirade is interrupted as the two brothers continue their fight. 

“Even if that’s true, how can you be so sure that he can’t hurt you? He’s a prince! No, he's now the fucking king.” Kai shouts. 

“And I’m a goddamn warlord. I know how to defend my land and my people.” Taehyun yells back. 

“You know, you have a lot of shit to say about my shortcomings but this…” Kai gestures around vaguely, “This ego and stubbornness and misguided need to save everyone might just be the death of you.” 

Kai’s words shock Taehyun into silence. You can tell by his reaction that Kai has never spoken to him that way before. 

You feel horrible for having come between the two brothers like that. It’s all your fault they’re fighting. And Kai doesn’t shy away from blaming you. 

“And you,” Kai turns on you. “I thought you said he had nothing. That didn’t seem like he has nothing."

“Maybe it wasn’t him.” You sputter dumbly. It's a weak attempt at deflection and you both know it. “You said he was injured too. Maybe there was actually some kind of conspiracy and he managed to escape it.”

“Are you stupid? So these unknown conspirators just so happen to kill the only two people standing between him and the throne while only managing to injure him non-fatally? It's so obvious that he’s behind this." Kai screams at you, "If you don’t go back to him–”

Taehyun jolts out of his shocked state with fury. He walks up to Kai and grabs him by the collar, snarling in his face, “You’re my brother and I love you but if you ever even suggest that she give herself back to him, I'm going to make you regret it.”

Kai regards his brother with a look of shock and disbelief. "After all we've been through, you’re going to beat me up over a stranger?" 

"She’s not a stranger. She’s my wife now, which makes her my family as much as you are." 

That makes you melt. Taehyun is such a reserved man, so hearing him say this, especially to his brother, means more to you than you can begin to express. He thinks of you as his family. No matter how crazy he is for thinking he can take on Beomgyu, it's still so touching to know that he's willing to go to war to protect you. His family. You finally have a family.

Kai’s wide eyes flit between you and Taehyun, and you fumble nervously under his gaze that turns condemning before he pushes Taehyun off him and walks away. 

“Taehyun….” You approach him, unsure of what to say. You want to tell him how much this means to you, but you can’t find the words and you worry that even if you do, he's going to reply with something that would ruin the moment like he's wont to do.

Wait, why do you have to say anything? You can just show him. You fling your arms around him and pull him into a deep kiss, pouring your gratitude into it. 

"Thank you for letting me into your family."

"You don't have to thank me for that. It's your right."

You give him a grateful smile. He must not realize how huge this is for you but it is. 

But then guilt plagues at you and you start gnawing on your lower lip nervously. 

Taehyun frowns at that and lifts his hand up to prop your chin up, using his thumb to pull your poor bruised lip out from between your teeth. "What is it?"

"Okay don't be mad," You start, looking up at him anxiously. "But I feel a bit bad for Kai–"

Taehyun groans and pulls away from you, so you rush to explain before he shuts you out completely. 

"He's just worried about you. All he needs is reassurance. Just promise him you'll be okay and he might come around."

“I don’t make empty promises.” He rebuffs you, and you stop cold. “What do you mean? I thought you said you can handle yourself.” 

“I can but there is no guarantee that your prince won’t manage to kill me somehow.” Taehyun explains nonchalantly, as if he was talking about the weather and not his potential death.  

“Why didn’t you say so before?” 

“I thought you already knew that.” 

“You’re unbelievable.” You scoff, and he gives you a mystified look. "Why are you so upset?"

"Why am I upset?” You blurt out incredulously, “Maybe because you just told me that Beomgyu actually has a chance of killing you and I'm fucking worried about you, you emotionless idiot." 

But Taehyun’s expression remains perplexed. “Worrying is useless. It won’t help anyone, least of all me.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” You exclaim, frustrated and hurt by his apathy. “That’s not what you’re supposed to say when someone says they’re worried about you. A normal person with actual feelings would, I don’t know, find it sweet that I’m worried about him and then he would try to reassure me that everything will be fine, instead of making me feel like a hysterical woman for caring about my husband’s safety.” 

“I have feelings.” He rebukes with all the emotional capacity of the cliff getting smashed by the sea. 

You laugh humorlessly. “Great. Why don’t you use them sometimes?” 

You expect him to say something else that’s either indifferent or hurtful, but instead he grabs you and pulls you towards him, kissing you with a surprising passion that you quickly match because you know that this is his way of expressing the feelings that he can’t articulate. 

When he pulls back, he pauses for a second, hesitating, before speaking. "I'll be fine." 

You give him a pointed look. 

"I promise I will do everything in my power to survive for you." He corrects himself, cupping your face and making you look at him when you try to look away. "Okay?"

"Fine." You reluctantly give in. 

"And I find it sweet that you’re worried about me." 

You roll your eyes and smack his chest lightly. "Now you’re just stealing lines straight from me." 

He laughs lightly and pulls you into another kiss.

“Careful or I’ll think that you like kissing me.” 

“Oh no.” He murmurs, catching your lips once again, his smile clear against your lips. 

"Okay. I'll accept your promise.” 

“Good.” He tries to kiss you once more but you stop him. “But I'm not going to just sit around and do nothing while you fight for me."

He frowns. "If you mean that you want to fight alongside me on the battlefield then I'm sorry but I have limits too." 

You roll your eyes. It's just like Taehyun to only think of literal physical fighting. 

"There are other ways to fight than physical warfare, and I suspect that Beomgyu wouldn't go for that anyway. You’re a military man, and even if the king is gone, he still can’t forcefully steal another man’s wife without causing a major scandal that could threaten his new position. What he'll do is try to turn your lords against you so they take you out themselves without him getting his hands dirty, just like he did with his father."

Understanding dawns on him and he doesn’t look happy about it. 

“So what exactly are you suggesting?” He asks suspiciously. 

“You need to make sure your lords see that standing by your side would benefit them more than betraying you. Only half of the lords here are loyal to you. The others hate your guts for exiling their fathers and their friends. We need to offer them things that they want so that they disregard that and remain on your side.” 

“Forget it.” He shakes his head. “I’m not going to waste my people’s money lining up the pockets of murder accomplices and sympathizers.”

You know he hates them for they or their families knew about the true fate of his mother, and he has every right to. But if he wants to stand up to Beomgyu, he has to force himself to put that behind him to protect himself and the people he cares for.

“Your people won’t have you for long if you don’t listen to me, and then they’ll fall right into the hands of those lords you despise so much. Do you think they will be left anything then?” 

He scowls, clearly perturbed by this discussion, but you need to make him see it from your point of view because otherwise he won’t stand a chance against Beomgyu. 

“If you want to beat him, you have to play his game. There is no other way. You know that.” 

“Even if I did that, how the hell am I going to match what he could offer? I don’t have that kind of wealth.” 

“You don’t need to. I’ve seen the royals do this a million times back when I lived at the palace. No ruler gives their subjects immense wealth to keep them in line, that’s stupid. If he does that then they’ll eventually become too rich and powerful for him to control. No, he only gives them enough to make them want to keep him around so he keeps providing them with things.” You explain, “I’m not asking you to coddle them. In fact, it would be good for the plan if they still fear you. If we combine the fact that they’re scared of you with some of the political tricks I’ve learned back at the palace, we can make it so they’d see that it’s not worth it to turn on you. You only need to give them enough to keep them satisfied so as not to think about risking dying at your sword for more.” 

Despite your explanation, he still looks unhappy about it, so you go up to him and wrap your arms around his midsection, looking up at him with your best pleading face. 

“Please, Taehyun. You promised me you’d do everything in your power to survive.”

“This isn’t what I promised.” He protested, but you could see that you’re getting to him. 

“Please. I know you don’t like them but it’s for the greater good.” 

“Don’t like them? I’d sooner drive a sword through their hearts than give those bastards anything.” 

“I know, but you’re a good ruler, and you’ll do right by your people. I know you will.” You whisper gently then lean up to kiss him. 

But he doesn’t respond, he just stands there, eyes open and staring into the distance until you give up and pull away. 

__________________________

Taehyun comes around and does what you’re asking of him in the end, but at what cost? 

Those couple of months that you had following your marriage when Taehyun was all shy gazes and steady kisses are but a distant memory now, and you start to wonder if you didn’t just dream them up. 

He gives his lords more money, more perks, more allowances at your behest. It’s plain as day how much he hates it, but you keep reminding him that this is better for his people, that in such circumstances, keeping the city united and his lords loyal will benefit everyone in the long run. That if his lords betray him, it would not only doom him, but that the little people will be the ones to suffer the most, and that if he falls, Kai might be next. 

That especially seems to convince him. Despite his quarrel with Kai and him choosing to stand by you, he would still do anything he could to protect his little brother. He still doesn’t like it–it’s a daily fight and subsequent compromise over what he will or will not allow to pass–but at least he’s trying. 

But the fights have taken a major toll on your already strained relationship. More than anything, you think he hates that he now has to imitate the very same man he so despises–Beomgyu. 

It couldn’t be helped though. Beomgyu is the most loved man in the kingdom, both by the common people as well as his fellow nobility. Who better to learn from than the man who has most of the country wrapped around his little finger? And who better to teach him than the woman who spent her life attached to him at the hip? 

You worry about Beomgyu a lot, which makes you feel positively wretched because you realize that he’s most probably behind this. But with his uncharacteristic silence, you grow even more concerned and doubt starts to infiltrate your brain. Maybe he really didn’t do it. Maybe he’s just back at the palace, injured on top of being heartbroken, and wondering how his life got to this point and why he’s all alone? 

No, you have to stop thinking this way. As Taehyun would say, worrying accomplishes nothing. It’s not like you can do anything to figure out how he is or what really happened. 

Theoretically, you can send him a message and ask him about it but you know that would upset Taehyun and make Kai distrust you more, not to mention that it’s unlikely Beomgyu would even tell you the truth. But at least you’d know if he’s okay… 

God, you just hope he’s okay. You cling onto that hope to get you through the mess you’re going through right now with Taehyun. 

Mercifully, you can already see some positive change, the lords of the city becoming more cooperative with Taehyun, some even to the point where they’re pulling their own strings to, unbeknownst to them, better prepare the city in case Beomgyu attacks.

That’s another thing you’re doing. You don’t think Beomgyu will actually attack but you have to prepare for the worst case scenario anyway, and Taehyun is on top of that. 

He ups the number of guards in the castle and around it, trains you even harder, sends scouts to monitor the fringes of the city, starts preparing the army for any possible attack, stocks rations for any possible food shortage… he does everything little thing he can think of to protect the city, and you do the same, racking your brain every day to try to remember or think up any other way you can smoothen the relations between him and the other lords. You even have him reaching out to neighboring cities to gain further allies.  

He does it all, and in turn, he seems to loathe you a little bit more each day.   

It reaches a point where he is avoiding your touch once again. He doesn’t even hold you to sleep anymore. The distance between you grows more and more the more he gives in. Until the only time he is speaking to you is when you’re discussing your plans to fortify the city. 

Yeah, Taehyun doesn’t appreciate what you’re doing, but there is someone else who surprisingly does. 

“I gotta say, I’m impressed.” Kai says as he once again intrudes on your now sacred place–the cliff you seem to be frequenting more and more as your husband grows more distant. “Who would’ve thought there would come a day when Taehyun makes nice with the other lords. You’ve really changed him.” 

"He's not doing it for me.” You object, hating how Kai brings everything back to you. Couldn’t his brother be doing this because he saw the error of his ways? “He just wants to protect his people. He wants to protect you."

"From the threat you created." 

"Don't start now. It’s too late. We're already married.” You sigh, tired of this, then add on gloomily, more to yourself than to him, “Though it doesn’t feel like it anymore.” 

“Yeah, he’s certainly not happy about it.” Kai snorts and you scowl at him. 

“Are you here to gloat?” 

He blinks at you, taken aback. “No. I’m actually here to commend you. This is some amazing work you're doing. I've always wanted him to be smarter around the other lords and to make more political allies, and now he’s finally doing it for you." Kai repeats once again, and before you can protest, he continues, "I just wanted to tell you that, before everything goes to shit.”

“Maybe it won’t.” You utter softly, wishing it into the world. “Maybe we’ll actually prevent the apocalypse.” 

Kai laughs wistfully. “Taehyun was right. You really are too sheltered.” 

Your face hardens at that. It’s one thing for Taehyun to call you sheltered, but for even Kai to throw that at you? That’s just insulting.

You want to throw it back at him but then he says something that guts you. “That won’t happen because that would be fair and life isn’t fair. If it was, you wouldn’t have been dealt such a terrible hand.” 

"If you don’t think it's fair then why are you against me? If I’m doing what you want then why don’t you help me?” You shout, exposing your vulnerability to him but you just don’t understand how he could see your situation for how oppressive it is and yet choose to be another boot pressing down on your back instead of offering a hand to lift you up. Taehyun may be cold and prideful but at least he refuses to participate in injustice when he sees it. Jaeyun may be a traitor but at least he doesn’t understand what’s wrong with what he's doing. But for Kai to both see and understand completely and yet still choose to align himself with Beomgyu? That’s what is truly crushing.  “We’re stronger together. I need you next to me, Kai." 

But he shatters your glass hope with a simple shake of his head. "Maybe Taehyun has changed you too, but someone has to think of the bigger picture. When your prince attacks, and he will, none of this is going to matter. We can't stand up to the crown and you know it. He knows it too, but he’s just not the type of man to abandon the sailor who fell overboard to save the rest of the ship from the storm. It doesn't help that he's in love too."

The cogs of the world screech to a halt around you, leaving a ringing in your ear as you stand there in the stillness trying to fathom what he just said. Taehyun loves you? That can’t be. If he loves you, wouldn’t he show it? Why the hell would he be avoiding you so much if he loves you? Wouldn’t he want to spend time with you, to be close to you, to make any excuse to be around you? 

No, he can’t love you. Beomgyu loves you. You can’t remember a day when you didn’t see his face growing up because he always wanted to be by your side. He’s bending the world around you so you can be together. He’s getting rid of any obstacle that stands between you and him.

Taehyun doesn’t even seem to want to be in the same room as you, and when he is, he barely looks at you. How can what both men feel for you be the same emotion when the way they’re acting towards you couldn’t be more different?  

“Taehyun isn’t that type of man but I am, and sometimes you have to do the painful thing to protect the ones you love.” Kai disrupts the stillness of the world with his declaration, eyes full of meaning that you now understand perfectly. 

With that he leaves you to think on what he said. 

______________________________

You don’t reach any new conclusion following your conversation with Kai. You understand his threat perfectly. He doesn’t want to hurt you but he will if your presence is threatening his brother’s life. 

What you can’t make sense of is his claim that Taehyun loves you. How can that be? 

Yes, he’s doing what you asked of him, but he’s more distant than ever. Even the rare little sweet moments you used to share are all but gone. He’s always tense and aloof with you. No smiles, no jokes, no kisses. Your relationship is the worst it’s ever been. 

And then something happens to make it even worse. 

You were in your room getting ready for the day alone–Taehyun having gotten up at the crack of dawn like he always does, when a servant comes to tell you that your husband has sent for you urgently. 

“But I haven’t even had breakfast yet.” You state, trepidation gnawing at you at the strange request. 

“There is a guest here to see you.” She says, wide eyed, and your anxiety flares dramatically. 

Is it Beomgyu? Is he here for you? 

With a racing heart and shallow respirations, you all but run to him, swinging the door open to face your mysterious and unexpected guest. 

Somehow you’re even more shocked, and disquietly disappointed, to see princess Wonyoung standing there in all her lovely glory. 

She seems shocked to see you too, but for a different reason. She gasps like she just saw a starving child and runs to you, touching you daintily as her eyes sweep over your entire form. 

“Oh, sweetheart, look at you.” She says pityingly, covering her mouth in horror with her perfectly manicured hand. 

You know you don’t look your best right now. You haven’t had any access to much of the privileges you used to have back at the palace. There aren’t any people here hired specifically to take care of your hair or nails or skin. You have to do all that yourself or with the help of untrained servants who just put your hair up in a messy, awkward updo, slap on some rouge and lipstick that don’t compliment your skin tone, and dress you in ill-fitted, shabby dresses. 

You already know you look bad but next to her, you look downright dreadful. She’s as gorgeous as ever, with make up that makes her look as fresh as a summer fruit, jewelry that excludes riches and sophistication, shiny locks pulled up in an intricate hairstyle, and a dress that compliments her figure and could only belong to royalty. She looks like a goddess and you look like a temple worker. 

You’ve never felt more insecure in your entire life, and you just stand there, awkwardly trying to fix up your hair or smoothen your dress in a futile attempt to not feel as bad as you look, but that only serves to make her notice how self-conscious you are right now and she looks at you with a pitying smile that makes you feel worse than if she were to insult you. 

“How are you, princess?” You greet her, attempting to deflect from your humbling situation. 

“I’m good. How are you?” She asks earnestly, “We missed you so much.” 

Her choice of words doesn’t escape your notice. We. “I missed you too.” 

Her smile widens at that and she looks like she wants to take you into a hug but she’s unsure if she’s allowed to, so you just do it yourself. 

“Oh, sweetling.” She coos, hugging you so tightly.

She even smells good, and you hate how that makes you want to run back to your room and bathe in your shitty perfume until your scent begins to resemble that of a lady once more. 

“Are you here to say something, princess?” Taehyun cuts into your little moment. You don’t know if you’re just imagining it, but he seems ticked off and nervous. You think you can see it in the way he seems to be trying to stop his leg from bouncing up and down anxiously. Wonyoung being here must’ve really thrown him off. 

“Oh, yes.” Wonyoung acknowledges, patting you one last time on the back before she steps back. “May we have some privacy?” She asks Taehyun and he irritably waves off his guards out of the room, leaving only you, him, Wongyoung and Kai. 

“Can’t it just be the three of us?” Wonyoung regards Kai with a sideways glance. “What I’m about to say is highly confidential and must not leave this room.” 

Before Taehyun even has the chance to respond, Kai interjects angrily. “No, you’re here to say something about your deranged brother, and as Taehyun’s brother, I have the right to hear this too.”

“He’s right. Kai deserves to be here as much as anyone else.” Taehyun decrees, and Wonyoung looks at you for confirmation. 

Truth is, with how Kai has been threatening you, you’re not sure if you want him to be here for whatever Wonyoung has to say, but you also don’t want to ask Taehyun to remove him because then he’ll know that there is something going on between you and Kai. And even though you’re hurt by what Kai has been saying to you, you understand where he’s coming from and you don’t want to sour his relationship with his brother. You also still have hope that you can salvage your own relationship with him if you just prove to him that his brother is not going to be in danger because of you.  

So, with some reluctance, you nod to Wongyoung, giving her the go-ahead to proceed. 

“My brother has sent me to bring you back home.” 

Her statement garners a variety of reactions. 

Kai snorts derisively. “Yeah, as if we didn’t know that.” 

Taehyun takes on a more offended approach, snapping, “She is home.” 

But you just stand silent. She said home.  You never knew that she considers the palace your home. You always thought that, to her and to everyone other than Beomgyu, you were just the lowest-born lady in her entourage. So to hear the princess herself call her family’s home your own makes the little girl in you who always felt like an outcast feel giddy and vindicated. 

“Why would she go with you?”

“Because she wants to.” She sneers at Taehyun then turns to you. “You want to come home, right?” 

Every time she says that word, it tugs on your heart strings, pulling you towards her and towards home. But you can’t, this is your home now.  

“Princess, you must know I’m married by now.” You whisper as if you’re telling her a shameful secret. You know you shouldn’t be ashamed of what you’ve done but it somehow still feels like you’ve betrayed her somehow. The princess of the land is here to take you home and you’re telling her that you’ve found a new home. 

“Yes, I know.” You can hear the hurt and disappointment in her voice and it just makes you want to shrink in on yourself. “But we still want you back.” 

God, she’s tearing you apart. This is everything you’ve wanted, but it’s just a beat too late. 

You shake your head to staunch your helpless tears. “That’s not possible. I can’t just leave my husband and go live with you. What kind of woman does that? It would be a huge scandal.” 

“Not if he keeps his mouth shut and doesn’t make a fuss about it.” She jerks her head towards Taehyun and when you follow her direction your stomach plummets to your feet at the frightful look he’s regarding you with. “People know you’ve lived your whole life in the palace. They won’t think it strange if you went back to live with your family following your strained marriage to a notoriously cruel lord.”  

So many emotions run through you at once. She called herself family. She not only thinks of the palace as your home but she thinks of you as family… you’re so moved, you could cry. 

But you can’t let on how touched you are by her statement when it makes your normally cold husband boil with rage. 

“She’s not in a strained marriage, and you’re not her family. I am. What kind of family prostitutes one of them to another? What kind of family isolates and keeps down one of their members so they could never escape? You were never her family. Your real family is that monster and you’re here acting on his orders to try to con her into coming back to the gilded prison you’ve made for her.” 

Taehyun’s enraged speech shocks you out of your enchanted state, reminding you of the reasons why you left in the first place. Even if you believe her when she says they consider you as their family, neither she nor Beomgyu ever treated you as such in front of other people. Only Taehyun did. 

Still not everything he’s saying is true. Your marriage is most definitely strained. You don’t know if he’s denying it because he doesn’t want to show any weakness in your relationship in front of her or because he just doesn’t see it. 

“We didn’t prostitute her. We gave her family money to support themselves. We took her in and treated her like our own. What have you done? Ripped her from her comfortable life and took her away to this miserable place where she has no one to advocate for her, just so you can mold her to your liking, making her jump through hoops for you, forcing her to get her hands dirty and bloody just so she can earn your favor. My brother may have crossed the line sometimes but at least he took care of her.” She doubles down, pointing the finger back at him, before once again turns to you. “Beomgyu still loves you, sweetling, and he’ll forgive everything if you just come back home.” 

Forgive? She thinks he’s the one with something to forgive?

Both she and Taehyun are twisting the truth to fit their narrative. They’re cherry picking certain points to make themselves look better and the other look worse, and they’re using you to do it. 

“And if she doesn’t?” Kai steps in impatiently. “He loves her. He’ll forgive her, and so on. That’s great, but what if she doesn’t come back? What is he going to do then?” 

Kai’s question, more than anything Taehyun said, changes the demeanor of the princess. She pulls herself back and takes on a more careful countenance. It unnerves you. 

“I don’t want to resort to that.” She says carefully, “If you just come back, there would be no need for any of it.” 

Any of it? So there is an it. This isn’t Beomgyu’s plan. This is just the peace offer that if not accepted will trigger the actual plan. 

You gulp, trying to clear your throat but your mouth is too dry and your voice comes out sounding hoarse anyway. “What is he going to do, princess?” 

She gives you a pleading look, still hoping that you’d just give in, but you stand your ground. You need to see the full picture so you know exactly what you’re dealing with. 

Seeing your determination, Wonyoung sighs and says, “He’s going to attack the city.” 

“Of course he is.” Shouts Kai, giving you and Taehyun a pointed look. “What did I say?” 

“Kai, shut up, will you?” Taehyun growls at him, and then turns on the princess. “Attack us on what ground? He thinks he can just launch a civil war without the kingdom turning on him?” 

“They won’t. They’ll stand by him because he’s avenging his father’s and brother’s deaths.” She states, sending ripples of shock and confusion through the room. 

“What?” You croak, “Taehyun didn’t kill them.” 

“Yes, he did. We have the men who committed the crime in our prison right now and they’ve confessed to everything. He kidnapped you too.” She irforms you as if what she’s saying isn’t the most insane thing you’ve ever heard. 

“What? I came here on my own accord.” 

“Did you?” She arches her eyebrows at you and you sputter dumbly, brain refusing to process her implication. But Kai won’t let you get away with it. 

“Your family are fucking setting my brother up.” He screeches at you, face red with outrage. “They’re framing him for the killings and accusing him of having brought you here by force.” 

“But why?” You shake, feeling faint and nauseous. “How does that make sense? Why would he even do that?” 

"To take the throne.” Wonyoung says simply, and starts unraveling Beomgyu’s crazy plan. “Lord Taehyun kidnapped you and forced you to give him information about the palace. He learned about the secret passages that run through it, and he mapped them out for his men. He planned to kill all the males of our family and then pretend to step in order to protect us as the second most powerful remaining lord in the country. But in reality, he was going to marry himself to Beomgyu’s widow and his brother to me so he would secure his hold on the crown. But his plan failed when one of his men knocked down Beomgyu’s bedside lantern while they were sneaking up on him, waking him up and alerting him to the attackers. My brother sustained some injuries as he fought them back but the commotion alerted the guards and they saved him. With his plan foiled, Lord Taehyun decided to quickly marry you in a rushed ceremony, to attempt to deny the accusations if they surfaced by claiming that he didn’t kidnap you at all and that you went to him willingly to get married and there was never any conspiracy behind it." 

The room falls into a terrible silence once Wonyoung is done. 

Now that the whole plan is laid out, it sounds equal parts crazy, incomprehensible, and yet somehow believable–a combination that’s so dizzying it makes you sick. You can’t even begin to deconstruct it, there are just so many absurd details about it and yet it all fits together. You don’t know what you thought Beomgyu would do–you considered that he might simply attack Taehyun, that he might send assasins to murder him, you worried that he might even hurt himself… but this? This is unhinged. It’s so insane, it might actually work, and you can’t believe that he’d go this far.  

“He can’t do this–he can’t–” You stammer, not believing what is happening right now, and so you try to grasp at anything. "Why would those men even lie for him?" 

"They’re already criminals convicted of murder and he promised to provide for their families after their death." Wonyoung explains.

A sudden cackle pierces the air and you start, looking at its source to find a jeering Taehyun. “That’s ridiculous. As if that flowery fucker could fight off any assassin I would send. Who would even believe this shit?” 

“Want us to give it a try and see?” Wonyoung spits, and it’s still so weird for you to see the normally gracious princess exhibit such animosity. “My brother is adored throughout the kingdom while your own people hate you. You want to go head to head with him and see who people will believe?” 

That strikes a nerve with Taehyun and he glowers at her with hatred in his eyes, clear as day. “If you’re so sure that this will work, why don’t you do it already? Why are you here threatening us?” 

“Because believe it or not, my brother doesn’t actually want to hurt anyone. If he can do this without any bloodshed then he will.” 

“You mean other than your father and your brother?” Snarks Kai and she shoots him a look that clearly says ‘who are you to even talk to me?’ which makes Kai fume, then she continues.  

“And he’s worried that if war breaks out, at best you might get injured and at worst your dear husband might use you as a bargaining chip to hold Beomgyu back.” 

Taehyun gets to his feet, livid. “You must mistake me for your brother, princess. I would never lay a hand on my family.”

“Didn’t you kill your father?” She asks haughtily and you can see the rage coiling in Taehyun’s body. You can practically see him fighting in order to hold himself back so you step in before things get crazy. 

“I think that’s enough.” You stand between them, holding your arms out to signal to them to calm down. “Why don’t you go and rest for a bit, princess, while we think over what you said.” 

Taehyun gapes at you. “I will not have this vile woman stay in my castle for a second longer.” 

“Taehyun, she’s had a long journey. She needs to rest.” You reproach, trying to maintain the peace so as not to antagonize Wonyoung and have her tell Beomgyu to go on with his plan. Then you add more softly, “And we need to think about what she said.” 

“Think about what?” Taehyun accuses, “I will not be threatened by that lunatic. Or are you actually considering going back?” 

“She should.” Kai interrupts, “Like you said, he’s a lunatic. He’s not just threatening us. He will actually do it if we don’t comply. For fuck’s sake, he killed his own father and brother.” 

“Kai, I told you if you suggest that she leaves one more time–” 

“Taehyun, please!” You cry out. “Let’s not fight. This is not going to help us.”

Taehyun clamps his mouth shut but his eyes still reveal his displeasure. You don’t let it get to you though, turning to the princess and taking her by the hand, showing her out of the room before Taehyun can glare at her to death. 

When you’re alone with her, you grab her and whisper, “Wonyoung, please, you have to stop him.” You plead, your whole world hanging on her right now. Never even in your most abominable nightmares could you have imagined Beomgyu going this far.

“I can’t.” She says helplessly, “He has it all planned out. He’s not going to back down now after taking out father and brother. He will not rest until he has you back.”

“How can you stand with him when you know he killed them? Aren’t you scared of him?”

She shakes her head. “I trust him. He loves me very much and I know he won’t hurt me. Just like he won’t hurt you. Beomgyu is not crazy. He is only doing what he knows is best for us.”

“What are you talking about?” You exclaim, “He killed them to get to me. He’s threatening to kill Taehyun. He could kill you too!” 

She shakes her head once again. “He won’t.” 

“How can you be so sure?” 

She smiles at you strangely. “Beomgyu saved me, sweetling. Did you know that father and Yeonjun were planning to ship me off to be wedded to King Youngchul?”

You gasp, horrified. “But he’s a monster!” 

King Youngchul is the corrupt ruler of a neighboring country. He is known for his cruelty to his subjects. He lives in excess and gluttony, mooching off the goldmines prevalent in his kingdom, all while letting his people starve, and anyone who dares to say a word against him gets their head chopped off. He snuffs out any rising rebellion by slaughtering everyone even remotely connected to it so no one would dare to think about usurping him. 

He is also known for his disgusting appetite for girls, especially young ones. You’ve heard rumors that men hide their wives from him because if he is to set his eyes on a woman he desires, he has to have her even if she belongs to someone else. 

You know that he’s had his eyes set on Wonyoung for a long time–as many men have, she is a renowned beauty across the kingdoms and highly sought after–but you never imagined that the late king would ever surrender his own daughter to such a despicable man. 

“How could your father do that to you?” You denounce, appalled and she scoffs. “He promised that he’d protect me from him, but I think all he really cared about were all the goldmines he’d have access to once he sold me off to him.” 

“Oh my god.” You stagger, feeling dizzy but she grabs you and steadies you. “But you see? This is what I’m talking about. Beomgyu isn’t the monster your lord is painting him to be. He saved me and now I’m free to do whatever I want. It’s completely different back at the palace now with Beomgyu as king. It’s safe for you to come back.” 

The fates really are cruel. It wasn’t enough for them to deprive you of the love of your life and send you on the run, but now they’re dangling him in front of you when they know you can’t reach out and take him? 

“I can’t, princess. Things may have changed for you but not for me. Beomgyu is still married to someone else. I am as well. It’s too late to go back.” 

“Do you love lord Taehyun?” She asks and once again you feel like you’re betraying her when you say that you do. 

“And does he love you?” She prompts and the tears immediately spring to your eyes. 

You can’t deal with this right now. You’re barely holding on as it is. You can’t let yourself be sucked into her beguiling promises when you don’t even know if they’re too or not. You ran away once. You can’t run away again. 

So you just deflect. “I need to get back to them.”

___________________________________

When you step back into the room where Taehyun and Kai are, you can feel the tension is even higher than it was before and you know the two brothers have been fighting, especially because of the first words spoken to you by Kai. 

“I thought you said he had nothing.” 

You stare at the ground guiltily and mumble, “I never thought he’d do this.” 

“But I thought you knew him so well.” Kai laughs hysterically. 

“Kai, enough!” Taehyun roars, but Kai doesn’t stop with his lashings. “No. She needs to see what she brought to us; death. He won’t stop until he has her and we’re all standing in his way.” 

From your talk with Wonyoung, that seems to be the case. She says that Beomgyu doesn’t want to hurt anyone but she’s clear that he will if you don’t come back. 

"Kai is right. Maybe I should go back to him.” You say, voice small and defeated but both men hear it clearly. “This won’t stop until I do.” 

“No.” Taehyun’s voice booms out, “He could be lying. For all we know he could get you back and still attack me. You'd just be making it easier for him by getting out of the way. He might even use your return as proof that you were kidnapped and have you corroborate the killers' stories.” 

“He is not lying.” Insists Kai, and Taehyun shoots him a deadly glare before continuing. "You’re my wife now. I will protect you with my life." 

"And everyone else's life?” You venture, “Are you willing to risk them all?"

“He could be lying.” Taehyun repeats. 

“And if he’s not?” 

“Then yes, I will risk it.” 

You and Kai exchange a loaded look, his previous words to you hanging in the air. 

‘He’s just not the type of man to abandon the sailor who fell overboard to save the rest of the ship from the storm.’

Taehyun will stick to his principles even if everyone else dies for it. 

“I can’t let you do that.” You fret but Taehyun persists. "We might not have to. We've been gaining allies. If you stand with me and deny his claims, he might be forced to say that he's been fooled by those men’s false testimony." 

"Even if that works, he’ll just hatch up another plan."

"Then we’ll hatch up our own."

“So you just want us to forever be on the defensive, never getting a moment of peace because we’re always waiting for his next demented plan?” Kai shouts, outraged. “How many of us do you plan to sacrifice for this? Jaeyun already has a death sentence hanging over his head, who else–” 

“Jaeyun is a traitor!” Retaliates Taehyun, “He brought this on himself.”

“He wouldn’t have to–” 

“Shut up, shut up!” You scream, finally losing it. “I can’t fucking think when you’re screaming at each other like that.” 

“There is nothing to think about.” Taehyun’s voice gets dangerously low, but you don’t back down. “Yes, there is, Taehyun. You being stubborn about this isn’t going to change the fact that it’s up to me to decide.” 

“So you’re actually thinking about going back to him?” He accuses again. 

“I don’t know, okay? I need to think and you getting angry and defensive about it is not helping. I don’t want anyone to get hurt because of me but I also don’t know if I should believe what he’s saying. Maybe Kai is right and if I go back this will all stop, and maybe you’re right and I’d just be playing into his hand, only for him to attack you anyway. God, I don’t know. This is all too much, it’s making my head explode.” You take a deep breath at the end of your shuddering rant, trying to ground yourself but it doesn’t help at all. 

“I need some time alone to think.” You look at Taehyun sadly, finally being able to read his emotions only to see him regard you with anger and mistrust. Whatever Beomgyu’s real intentions are, he successfully managed to create discord between the three of you and that just brings him one step closer to achieving his plan. 

“Then go.” Taehyun scoffs, turning his back on you. 

_______________________________

A/N: I don’t think the cut-off is bad right? it’s still a big chapter. any i can’t wait to hear what you guys think. which of the boys do you think will prevail 🤔

[amorest-viesse]

[A Blessing to this Encounter] - Owen SSR Card Story Translation

Ft. Rustica and Akira! Thank you @/nonotranslates for helping proofread!

Hand in Hand in the Night Sky – Chapter 1

[Courtyard]

Mitile: Hah! How did I do?

Riquet: What about me, Cain? I tried tightening my stance just like you showed me…

Cain: Both of you are gettin’ better! Keep it up and you’ll be handling a sword like a pro in no time.

Earlier today, I had passed Cain, Mitile and Riquet having fun in the courtyard. The sight of them getting along lifted my spirits.

Recalling the scene, I smiled as I continued roaming the manor grounds, desperately searching for him.

Akira: Looks like Owen isn’t here either…

Akira: (The manor has been getting a lot of requests recently, so I haven’t seen him in a while.)

Thinking of Owen, I recalled Snow and White’s words from last night.

Portrait Snow: Poor Owey has been awfully grumpy as of late.

Portrait White: Must he meddle with the young ones like so? Not to mention he’s been more volatile around Mithy and Braddy than ever…

Portrait Snow: While he most likely means you no harm, do take care around him, won’t ‘cha?

Akira: (…Was what they said anyways. I wonder what happened to set Owen off though…)

As I was lost in thought, I suddenly felt someone’s gaze upon me. 

Turning to the sky, I finally saw him, sitting atop his broom with a faint smile on his face: Owen.

Akira: ! Owen…

As soon as I noticed him, I felt my feet leave the ground.

Akira: (Huh? I’m floating…!?)

Owen: Hello, Master Sage. I was just looking for someone to talk to.

Owen: Why don’t you come with me for a bit?

Owen smiled at me again. His sudden eagerness to talk sent a chill down my spine.

Akira: Ah, Owen… It’s been a while, how have you been?

Akira: I also wanted to speak with you. If it’s a chat you’re looking for, why don’t we return to the manor?

Akira: I bought some delicious cookies the other day… And I have a pot of tea to go with them too…

Owen: Oh? Do you now?

Though Owen was still smiling, it didn’t feel like it. He slowly extended his hand towards me.

Perhaps because of Snow and White’s warning, the situation felt like a knife against my throat.

[music playing]

Akira: Is—is that… a harpsichord?

Owen: …

Hand in Hand in the Night Sky – Chapter 2

Rustica: What a coincidence to find you here, Master Sage, Owen.

Turning towards the sudden voice, our eyes met with Rustica’s who greeted us with an elegant smile.

Akira: Rustica! What are you doing flying around with that harpsichord?

Rustica: Why, the breeze felt so nice today that I thought it’d be a good idea to host a concert in the sky.

Owen: Deluded as always, I see. There’s not a soul up here to attend your concert.

Rustica: Is that so? But both you and the Master Sage are here—not to mention the birds and the butterflies as well.

Rustica: Though we might not speak the same language, I believe lovely and pleasant things remain lovely and pleasant no matter who you are. Don’t you agree?

Owen: Who cares? Besides, if it were me, I’d hate your playing.

Owen: What a nuisance, doing whatever you want and calling it a favor. If you believe your performance is truly that beautiful then you are sorely mistaken.

Rustica: My, my, what a tough crowd. In that case, once the performance is over, would you survey our animal friends for me, Owen?

Rustica: Unlike me, you understand their words, and as a music lover yourself, I’m sure you can draw some great feedback from the audience.

Owen: What?

Rustica: In the meantime, allow me to begin the next song. Do you have any requests for me, Master Sage?

Akira: Oh, um…

Akira: (Owen’s mood is worsening and worsening. At this rate, there’s bound to be trouble…)

Rustica: Well then, while the Master Sage is thinking, I’ll simply have to warm-up with another song.

As Rustica prepared to play, I felt Owen’s hand on my back.

Owen: Here’s a request for you: play me a requiem.

Akira: Huh…?

With a push of his hand, Owen shoved me, snapping the precarious thread that had held me in the sky. Unconsciously, I squeezed my eyes tight.

Akira: (I’m falling…!)

Rustica: <<Amorest Viesse>>

Akira: …Huh? How did I get in front of the harpsichord?

Rustica: Shall we play a duet together, Master Sage?

Akira: Rustica! Thank you so much!

As I conveyed my gratitude to Rustica, my eyes continued to look for Owen. However, he had already disappeared.

Akira: Owen seemed like he was upset…

Rustica: Upset?

Akira: Earlier, Snow and White told me that Owen was in a bad mood and that I should be careful around him.

Akira: Today was the first time I’d seen him in a while, so I wanted to check up on him… However, I suppose Snow and White were right...

Rustica: …Is that so? He seemed happy to me.

Akira: He did?

Rustica: Though I suppose he did disappear. Perhaps the sky concert wasn’t to his liking?

Rustica shook his head despondently as we looked to the empty sky where not a trace of Owen remained.

Hand in Hand in the Night Sky – Chapter 3

[Sage’s Room]

As night fell, my thoughts returned to Owen as I sat in my room.

Akira: (I can’t see Owen being anything other than upset, but Rustica said he seemed happy…)

Akira: (If that’s the case, then maybe I offended him with the way I hesitated earlier…)

Suddenly, a beautiful sound trickled in from outside the window. Taking a peek confirmed none other than Rustica playing the harpsichord in the courtyard. 

Then, I saw him, standing a little off to the side—Owen.

Akira: (…Alright, rather than dwelling on it, I’ll just head out and apologize to him directly.)

[Courtyard]

Rustica: Good evening, Master Sage. Welcome to the performance.

Akira: Good evening to you too, Rustica. Ah, and Owen as well…

Owen: …

Rustica: Your timing is impeccable. I had just invited Owen to join me for a concert.

Rustica: I’m glad you came, Owen. Since the Master Sage hasn’t been able to come along on missions lately, you’ve been feeling quite lonely, haven’t you?

Akira: …What?

I looked at Owen in shock, but all he gave me was a smile.

Owen: I have a gift for you, Master Sage. Come on, give me your hand.

Akira: My… hand?

Owen: Haha… if it were someone else, you’d take their hand without hesitation, yet you falter when it’s me.

Akira: Th- that’s not true! I…

Recalling the events of the afternoon, I grasped Owen’s hand.

Akira: Because it’s you, I’ll do it.

Owen: …

Though I had impulsively grabbed his hand, the feeling was natural, almost like a handshake.

Akira: (It feels like something friends would do…)

For just a second, a look of happiness flitted across Owen’s face as he flew into the sky, pulling me along.

Akira: O- Owen!? Why are we flying all of a sudden…?

Rustica: Oh how wonderful. Allow me to accompany your stroll across the night sky with the perfect tune.

With a smile on his face, Rustica began to play, the sound of his harpsichord reverberating across the courtyard. 

Owen: Thanks so much for trusting me. I do love an opportunity for betrayal after all.

Owen: So long, you foolish, foolish Master Sage.

Akira: H- Hold on! Can we calm down for a minute!?

Owen: Shut it. You’ll rip my arm off with how tightly you’re clinging onto me, so hurry up and let go already. Come on now.

Akira: S- stop trying to shake me off…!

Owen: …Hmph.

The elegant sounds of the harpsichord were dissonant against the thrilling turn of the night as Owen continued thrashing his arm about.

Akira: Eeeeeek!

Owen: Haha, the sound of your voice overlaid with the song is nice. Keep screaming.

As usual, I found myself no closer to understanding Owen. Thus, what I saw that night might have all been in my head. Yet, underneath the moonlight, hidden within the shadows of his hat, I could have sworn that Owen looked as if he were truly enjoying himself.

I Want to Tell You Something - Card Episode

Akira: Good evening, Owen. So this is where you’ve been.

Owen: What do you want?

Akira: Since it’s been some time since I’ve met everyone, I just wanted to know if there was anything you would like to tell me…

Owen: No.

Akira: Huh?

Owen: I meant that I have nothing to say. Were you expecting something from me?

Owen: I couldn’t care less about you.

Akira: Well, I understand that… but what I wanted to know was how you felt. 

Akira: I’m not asking for compliments. If you have any complaints or suggestions, anything at all, please tell me.

Owen: What? Gross.

Akira: Gross… Well, you might be right. I guess I am being a bit overbearing, but I really do care about you...

Owen: Hmph… You must be insane for thinking of me like that.

Akira: Huh…? What a terrible thing to say…

Owen: And what about it? Even though I gave you exactly what you wanted, you’re still complaining?

Akira: Ah! I suppose you did! Thank you for responding to my question!

Owen: Hmph... Better.

Owen: This manor… really is full of insanity. You’re all mad here.

Home Screen Voice Line

“I have a gift for you. Come on, give me your hand. ...Haha, if it were someone else you’d accept without hesitation, yet you falter when it’s me. It’s alright, today’s a special occasion after all. Just for today, I just might grant any wish you may have...”

[sunsents]

Empty - F.W (1/2)

Gah daym this was a JOURNEY to write. I swore to myself to never write angst because, well I suck at it. But here we are, I swear this has a good ending because my heart can't bear that. I could've written this much better, so I promise to bring my A GAME for chapter 2. Enjoy, also Lee in this is a hate crime. This is very story telling-esk so I hope it flows well.

I wouldn't have written this chapter without the help of my good friend @mochiixjimin she helped me edit and spice up this whole thing so thank you so much to her! She's an amazing writer, go check out her work and show her some big love right now or else!! her wattpad

Chapter 1 out of 2 (Backstory)

Summary —> Life has always been a cruel joke to you, yet you simply play along. Overshadowed by Eva Burke your whole life, watching from the sidelines while everyone flooded each other with love, it would always feel like a joke.

Pairing: fredweasley x fem!reader

Word count: 6.1k

Warnings: ANGST ANGST ANGST (with a fluffy ending in the second part) / One mature scene (18+) and then it's angst again <3 / Some slander / Offensive language

Rating: 18+

DON’T REPOST MY WORK

You were a bright child.

Beaming bright enough to keep a tight lipped smile during flu-shots, and enough to put on a happy façade when your dad threw away the drawing you had done of your family dog, rather than hang it up on the fridge.

Children have foolish dreams, and that was yours. Your friends in preschool boasted about their pictures being hung like trophies on fridges, with decorative magnets and even bigger pink bow ties.

The fridge in the Y/L/N manor was empty. Always empty, just how Ms. Y/L/N liked it. Empty marble floors with empty rug designs, and empty rooms with even emptier people living in it. They were both empty people. Hollow and void of any emotion, at least towards you.

You were different though. You were filled to the brim with ambition and hope and so many positive emotions that your parents never seemed to reflect on you. You were like those Disney princesses. The princesses always had hope, and when you have hope good things happen.

Right?

Your dad never meant to give you false hope. He just wished you’d keep your mouth shut as he worked until late hours. Using big words and having big aspirations, you shouldn’t have.

Mr and Mrs Y/L/N weren't bad people per say, just busy. They didn't know how to raise a child, this was obvious, because the purpose of even having a child was to fix their marriage. But a temporary fix wouldn't do it, it never did. There was always that hole on the roof, leaking rain of despair into their falsely built home that no bucket big enough could hold back. Because it always found a way to overflow.

They didn't know how to show their love, so they did it with money, clothes, toys and crayons that you would later use to draw pictures of your family, only to have them end up in the dumpster once again.

They spoiled you rotten, bought you gifts you never even dreamed of asking. You just shut up and enjoyed it, what else could you do? Whine and demand attention? Risk losing their favor? There was no favor to lose.

You got yourself a fat A plus on your third grade math test. Star stickers on your chest, you entered through the glass double doors of your house with a crooked smile - two front teeth missing of course - making your joy all the more endearing. Your backpack strapped tightly over your narrow shoulders, hanging low with all the crammed books you pushed before leaving school because you were just so excited to show your parents.

You received a big sloppy kiss from your Nanny, who practically was like a second mom to you, and dashed right into your fathers office to show him your new accomplishment.

"Good job, I'm proud of you."

You froze. You found a way to actually get their attention. The attention you so craved, the recognition you would die for. This was revolutionary. Basically a new era for you.

Nanny made you a star shaped cake that night, and sat with you while gently stroking your hair and listening to you blabber about how easy the math questions were. It felt warm, motherly love. Even if it was false, it would never compare to the love of your own mother, a love you would never get.

You spent all your night studying, your eyes burning under the harsh light of your lamp in the early mornings and your pencil, ebbing away over sheets and sheets of blank paper. Writing away your little hands off until they ached, just to snatch another A and get a good job.

This was good, it worked out very well. You became that student who looked forward to class, just to get a good grade and have the validation of your parents. The sight of your father’s lips quirk up even in the slightest, and how your mother’s eyes shone briefly in appreciation of your hard work, even if it was for a quick second, it was worth it.

Until the new neighbors moved in.

Mr. Burke was a round, cheerful man with an even rounder belly, and a big fat pipe that always hung on his lips. Mrs Burke looked and acted like those fairy godmothers you adored. You couldn’t believe such people existed. Mr Y/L/N invited them over for dinner, for courtesy. He was not happy about said courtesy.

He ended up liking the couple, they had a little daughter called Eva, who was small and adorable with round red cheeks and big doe eyes. Not only Mr and Mrs Burke, but the Y/L/N’s adored Eva as well. She was happy, always smiling, and her teeth weren't nearly as crooked as yours, not to mention she had pretty long hair like a princess.

You liked her a lot, took her to pick flowers, showed her the drawings you had prepared for the empty fridge; in case Mr Y/L/N ever had a change of heart and hung them up, you had been trying for three years and weren't giving up any sooner.

Eva was nice, kind enough to share her M&M's and very used to compliments unlike you. She seemed to get a lot from her parents and yours. The adults were so kind to her, always smothering her with love and kisses. You were happy for Eva, happy that Eva somehow managed to gain the favor of your parents before you did.

Little girls tended to be jealous, you weren’t. You were just glad to have a friend so cool, she didn't blush and stutter under praise and apparently her drawings were pretty enough to go on a fridge.

It was a Thursday afternoon when your mom smiled at you for the first time since your last exam grade. "Look, Eva drew us a picture, isn't it pretty?"

The crayola stash under your bed was no longer needed, they appeared clumsily dumped in the neighborhood trash the next day, most of them stomped under the pressure of your little sneakers. And the bundle of drawings you hid under your pillow, wishing on fairy godmother that one day they would be hung up too, were ripped; clearly a struggle given. You had paper cuts on your hands, and your Nanny thankfully applied ointment before Ms and Mr Y/L/N noticed, or rather, stopped to care.

Though you knew that even if you paraded herself with bloody fingers dripping to your elbows, they wouldn't care.

Nanny did, she was there. There when you were haunted with nightmares when the moon was particularly dark, cooing at you and letting you sleep next to her in that small bed of hers. There when you tripped and fell, small scratch resulting in a screaming tantrum. She was gentle, sweet, paid well.

You decided to go and pick flowers with Eva, and make a pretty flower crown for yourself, months after your drawing incident. Of course, you didn't have such silly dreams anymore. You didn’t wish to have your pictures hung, to have your mother wear the flower crowns you made and frankly you didn’t care for the sight of the sparkle in your parents eyes. Nanny’s was enough.

Eva agreed, dressed in a pink tutu Mrs Y/L/N gifted. You didn't comment, though deep down you gazed at the skirt in sparkling envy. Your mother never bothered to get you such pretty things. The two of you gathered saturated petals and nice ribbons while giggling amongst yourselves. Until, you accidentally caused Eva’s flowers to levitate.

Eva ran home, crying and calling you a witch. Mr and Mrs Y/L/N’s dirty looks made her feel shameful, and even dirtier when a letter addressed to her was dropped by a pretty owl you insisted on petting. It was from a school called Hogwarts, in the faraway land of London, and it seemed, not only you but Eva got the same letter the next day.

Though the Y/L/N’s and Burke’s were proud of Eva’s letter. They weren’t with yours.

— — — —

The ride to Hogwarts was interesting to say the least. You had so many questions unanswered, were you a fairy godmother too? Was that your destiny? Was that the reason you never got any attention, because you were destined to give instead of receive?

Eva was cheerful as always, making fast friends in newly bought uniforms and holding a pretty, long and thin wand, with designs flowing across the premise. Your wand was...functional. You were sad you couldn't choose, and that the wand chose the owner. It didn't make sense, what if you didn't want this wand? What if you wanted something charming like Eva’s? It should have been mutual.

It was while trying to find your way to the bathroom that you met the Weasley twins. Quite handsome, a year older and absolute fucktards. A word you learned from the two. Though you always found yourself laughing more at Fred’s jokes, you liked them both equally.

“Hey George! Look.” Fred had exclaimed, clinging onto his brothers shoulder and dragging him across. “Who's that girl?”

You introduced yourself, happy façade on, gentle words slipping out of your mouth like nectar. They had to like you, you told yourself. Just this once, more than Eva.

When sorted into Gryffindor, Eva, you and the twins became inseparable. Your group grew in second year, when Katie, Lee and Alicia Spinnet joined the bunch. You would make fun of the ghastly Potions Professor Snape, and imitate Dumbledore in the hallways to mess with the older students.

You loved your time at Hogwarts, and the adventures that came every year. Especially when Harry Potter joined.

“Hey Fred.”

Fred, who was fiddling with his bracelet you had bought him hummed in response, not bothering to look up.

You sighed, “Do you think the flowers can feel it when we pluck them?”

Fred turned at that, his bracelet was now tightly secure after his struggles. “I hope not.” he smiled, a faraway look on his face whenever he gazed at you. “You know, some people like pain.” he winked.

You merely looked at him confused, clearly way too young for...whatever that is.

He started laughing loudly, slapping his knee and causing you to scoff and slap him on the shoulder.

Third year was when it bloomed. The slight girly attention you gave Fred grew. Fred was...Fred. A handsome ginger, beater for their house's Quidditch team, always charming and charismatic that somehow oozed out of him whenever he did anything really. It was not unusual, every girl in school had a crush on him. That wasn't the case, Fred was one of your best friends, and you refused to entertain the idea of a possible...relationship.

Yet sometimes, you'd find yourself thinking about hugging and kissing Fred like you’d seen couples in your favorite movies did and you’d fall asleep with reddened cheeks and a boy with even redder hair in your mind.

But feelings couldn’t be controlled, nor easily hidden. Eva found out in your fourth year after hearing you mumble his name in your dreams. Fred Weasley was getting more handsome as years passed, and you found it hard to contain your feelings. You were crushing, hard.

Eva was...Eva about it. Happy, but nothing changed. She didn't tease like George did when he found out, nor did she act any differently towards Fred.

“Hey ____!” Fred had sat next to you, shaking the entire couch because he grew that tall during summer. “Got a new girl after me.” he looked at you, almost expectantly, as if you wouldn’t react the way you always reacted.

“That’s great Fred.” you smiled, gulping whatever lump that was forming in your throat and struggling to come out as vulgar words you wished to yell.

“Yeah,” Fred sighed, “It’s...great.”

Fred Weasley was a ladies man, and he wasn't afraid to show it. It was okay, because you were happy enough to be one of his closest, and that was enough. He often boasted about getting girls, and how successful his jokes were, and you always loved snapping back to him cockily, even more cockily than him. Playful banter was easy, comforting between them and when he turned away you would love to shyly entertain the idea of being one of those girl’s Fred talked about.

Fifth year, you had a sudden growth spurt. That was also the year where you discovered Cosmopolitan, Vogue and of course Witch Weekly. Hair no longer in a ponytail, legs shaved and smooth, short skirts with no nylons, you were a new person. After getting your period in third year, your spurt came late, but sudden. Way too sudden in the time of three months. It was hard to handle the changes occurring to your body. It was all too much that you had to become a lady and the fact that you didn’t have your mother to help was a pain you hid deep within.

It was as if whichever god above decided to squeeze your entire life into a summer and call it a day, because it was simply too busy. How ironic. No one saw your growth except old Nanny Gladys. Not Eva, nor her parents considering they went on a getaway and the Burke's, who had gone to Brazil.

But you were over that, you discovered the great telephone, and the great Hermione Granger, package deal with Ginny Weasley. You guys would talk on the phone for hours upon hours, Ginny obscuring your personality and Hermione altering your view on your parents. And Hermione was right, they were assholes. You didn't give a flying fuck about empty praises anymore.

You had become almost too tall for your older clothes, and your breasts were way too big to fit in the training bra you bought not even a month ago. Your hips, now wide and swaying as you walk became graceful, were decorated with long gem bracelets.

You cursed like a sailor that summer, ran around fields with family - your family being your dog, Jambo - bare feet. You stomped on flowers you used to pick as a little girl, stomping on those silly fairytale dreams you used to nurse, and never felt freer. For the first time ever you felt that maybe being empty could be more freeing than having false hope weighing you down.

Returning to Hogwarts was a big deal to students. Who changed, who glowed up after what happened last year - nothing, it was all childish drama.

Before your parents could even see your new self, your escapade to the Granger household was successful. The Y/L/N's didn't care, nor did they write. You knew it should’ve hurt, but frankly, you didn’t think having the pain in your chest was worth it. Hermione was awestruck, of course, after laying her sights on you for the first time since May and insisted on walking into the Entrance Hall, arm in arm with her and Ginny to show you off like some sort of revelation.

It was a revelation all right, at least to the boys, and some girls. It seemed no one saw you as a girl before. George oogled, and Lee was so shocked to find out that you were actually a girl with a pretty figure and an even prettier smile that he stopped clapping you on the back like he always did. Not a girl, you have become a woman. It was far too sudden, new uniforms and a whole new wardrobe had to be bought.

"____? You were a girl?" Fred joked, ruffling your hair like nothing changed between you. And that's when you realized, no slutty skirt, how much pushup your bra, or no matter how pretty your hair looked, Fred would always see you as ____, the girl with crooked front teeth and who once ate a worm in second year. Your teeth weren't crooked at all anymore - thanks to a few years of braces - and finally clear of uncomfortable metals but you felt as if Fred would always see the ghost of them on your pearly whites when you smiled.

He had this view of you that blinded him, caused him to treat you as he treated Ginny while he flirted and played footsie with other girls, including Eva.

That did not stop Eva from giving you false hope, and you took the bait, naive like always. Hope, that's what ruined it all. "You're beautiful now, of course you have a chance!" she said, rubbing your shoulder reassuringly, as if she had warmth to begin with.

It was all false, yet you still believed. You always had. Like a fool.

Ginny didn't like Eva, and maybe that's why you gravitated towards her. She was the first person who had ever met Eva that wasn't charmed by her kind smile and attractive words. Eva was...displeased. She grew up having the attention of everyone around, so when Ginny Weasley told her straight to her face that she wasn't shit, Eva seethed. The attention of Ginny changed nothing though, because Eva was the main character. Everyone - except Ginny, and secretly Hermione (though she would never say it) - loved her, they followed her around like puppies and praised her on her wonky wand work.

The upcoming Yule Ball brought great upswing to Hogwarts.

You were far too busy with her classes to take interest in the tournament - even though the dragon race was the gnarliest sight you had ever seen. Your goal was set, become a badass Auror and move out as soon as possible, so you didn't have to face your parents (except Holidays, yuck.)

But the Yule Ball was your chance. A chance with Fred Weasley.

You could ask to go as friends and maybe, just maybe a little hope and the night would end much more romantic than you had anticipated.

Plucking up courage was the hardest part, you practiced with your bathroom mirror so long that Ginny had to blast through the door and drag you out of her dormitory.

Fred Weasley agreed, why wouldn't he? You, his closest friend, asking to go as a group and drink all night while gossiping? It was a win win. At least that's what you told herself.

That was a lie, it wasn't a win win.

You gave it your all getting ready, dress silk, makeup and expensive shoes. You took a long shower, scrubbing and shaving yourself to a smooth gliding porcelain, only for it all to be washed down with reddened eyes and a boy with even redder hair.

Fred greeted you the same, danced the same, and you chatted the same; you were reminded again, for the second time, that you stood no chance.

Fred told you that he was going to get drinks, a quick trip to the booth and mumbled I'll be back in a second. He was not back in a second. Several minutes passed, and your worries caused your feet to follow after Fred's footsteps.

You ran, trying to find him in the empty corridors of Hogwarts, tears welling in your eyes because he wouldn't. He wasn't that cruel, life wasn't that cruel.

But it was, and in a distant empty classroom you saw Fred Weasley, on his knees and between Eva's legs, groaning and praising her like a starved man. Worshipping her like everyone else had, burying himself in her and completely forgetting the drink he’d bring back in just a second. He’d left you thirsty and alone in the Great Hall and left you to drink from a cup he hadn’t known to be forbidden. Yet Eva did.

Eva's perfect dainty hands tangled in his ginger hair, thighs clamping shut while her high pitched moans flooded your mind and echoed around your head. They were so loud that she couldn’t even hear the loud echoes of your footsteps and the woeful cries that left your lips as you ran. It wouldn’t be the first time she had ignored your pain for her own selfish reasons.

Your heart shattered, and suddenly you were six again, watching your parents praise Eva, hang her drawing on the fridge. A soft breeze tickling your bare toes, dangling from the small cushioned seat you sat on while you watched Eva braid Mrs Y/L/N’s hair. Emotionless, silent, not asking for anything, knowing that you won't receive in return. Eva's small hands carefully placed the flower crown on Mrs Y/L/N’s pool of hair, and she smiled, heart warming and hopeful. Suddenly you remembered the feel of your own hands tangling in between your locks as you stood on your tiptoes, trying to imitate your mothers braid on yourself in the mirror you couldn't reach. You pretended, only for a moment before it twisted into knots.

What a cruel joke, you thought as you watched Eva receive the world from Fred, from your parents, from your friends and from every damn person you had met.

You cried on a big set of stairs that night, your wails echoing as you asked whoever, whatever what you had done. What you had done to deserve such treatment from the people around you. It was rather cliche - and maybe a bit too dramatic. It was an uncomfortable seat of course, and your body, as well as your heart, ached. Pain, misery, false hope and enough hair spray to melt the ozone.

The princesses always cried on big sets of stairs, uncomfortable stone floors causing them to shiver while they hid away their beautifully animated faces in their perfect hands. This was different, there was no fairy godmother to fix your makeup and clone a gentlemanly Fred Weasley, a perfect prince. You knew, because you cried, and prayed and cried and prayed until your throat was sore. There was no fairy godmother, it was all a lie. There was no happy ending. There would be none.

No one came to find you that night either, and you had to drag yourself back to the Gryffindor common room, feet bare, mascara, blush - anything else you put on in hopes of being able to become like Eva even only for one night - practically nonexistent from the way your tears washed them away.

You didn't sleep that night, and your head was unusually clear, pounding, but clear. You laid awake, eyes blood-shot and stinging while your dress shuffled uncomfortably between your sheets. You were too tired to change, and your dress was far too pretty to be worn so short.

Ginny's words replayed over and over again. "They're not worth it." her voice was so clear, and true. Mr and Mrs Burke weren't worth it. Your parents weren't worth it. Fred Weasley wasn't worth it. Eva wasn't worth it. The midnight chirping of bugs invited themselves in from your open window, and blue moonlight streaks beaming down in lines from the tulle curtain flowed with breeze, it was calming.

You felt calm, for the first time in sixteen years. You felt calm.

Fred and Eva started dating that week. Everyone acted like they expected it, and you realized just how blind you had been. Eva Burke and Fred Weasley, golden couple of Hogwarts.

You watched them, emotionless, as they embraced with love and so much passion that you felt embarrassed. Embarrassed at how you’d blushed and squeal over Fred in front of Eva and George and anyone who had found out because now you knew. Now you knew that their amused smiles were probably pitying grimaces because they knew that you two were never meant to be. It was always Fred and Eva.

Fred was an amazing boyfriend, making sure Eva was taken care of, lovingly staring at her whenever and wherever, arm looped around her waist at all times; you realized they were truly not worth it.

"You disgust me."

You didn't mean the words to escape so carelessly, but when you said them, you realized you didn't want to take them back. The growing pit in your stomach felt weightless. "Excuse me?" said Fred, stopping his nibbling on Eva's neck, who was just as shocked. You scoffed, Eva already had enough purple bruises to parade around so why did Fred have the need to add more?

"You heard me right," George, Lee, Ron, Harry, Katie and whoever sitting in their circle stared at you, wide-eyed, Ginny and Hermione, however, were grinning devilishly. Kind ____, wouldn't hurt a fly, quiet at times and didn't know how to stand up for herself. It was shocking, but you were done pretending. You didn't want to be like that anymore, you wanted to say whatever came to mind and not worry about the consequences. "You guys disgust me, I know I should be supportive but you don't match, at all."

You turned to George. "And you, no you can't talk about Katie like that." George went pink. "You're disgusting for sleeping around carelessly and telling girls you'd write, stop giving people false hope. Grow up. You’re nearly an adult and you can’t even treat a girl right."

"And you Lee," Lee went quiet. "What gives you the right to make fun of me like that. I'll wear whatever the fuck I want, just because you don't have the courage to wear a headband. If you can talk about my breasts, I'll talk about your shrimp."

"Ron, you take advantage of Hermione then lead her on. Open your eyes, asshole."

"Harry, you're not the main character. You're not always going to be the center of attention, nor do you have the right to yell at your friends."

"Alicia, god you're so stupid. I'm sorry, you're great but such an airhead. No, you can't ride a Thestral if you can't see them, and stop eating quill ink they're bad for you."

You stood up, grinning proudly, heart loud in your chest you feared someone might hear. "Frankly, I don't wanna be friends anymore. I'm done with this façade, except you two, 'Gin, Hermione. The rest of you are just so fake." she gestured to them. "Boys," she nodded again. "Don't talk to me anymore, and Lee, give me back the money, think it's about time don't you think? I've been paying for you since third year."

And with that, you left. You left Three Broomsticks, grin wide and chest heaving. Hermione and Ginny ran behind, whooping and cheering you on as they laughed.

The news of your outburst spread fast like wildfire caught in wind. That week was bliss, you no longer had to watch Fred and Eva, nor did you have to act sweet to anyone. You didn't have to laugh along Lee's sexist jokes and look away to wince, it was pure bliss. You realized that the feeling of being free didn’t have to be momentary.

Pansy Parkinson was surprisingly a good friend, she didn't have the same fakeness to her, the one Eva had where her smile was too kind. She spoke her mind, though every Slytherin did, and you liked that. Ginny wasn't happy with your new found friends, but she couldn't separate you. You made your own decisions from now on. It was refreshing.

You told your new friends everything, eager to get it off your chest and breathe, and they listened. For the first time, someone listened. You didn't have to get good grades, nor did you have to act like a sweet angel.

You teared up the first time Pansy said; "It's not your fault,". You knew it wasn't your fault, but hearing someone else say it with such genuine eyes made you believe. Actually believe.

It started off with you watching from the sidelines as Draco and Blaise pranked, insulted and shamed whatever your old friend group did. It wasn't unusual for Draco to act this way, but he got especially irritated after hearing what you told them. Blaise, someone usually quiet, had stepped up and decided to somehow release the pent up anger he had for the Gryffindor students.

The year ended, and you had started to sneak in an insult or two towards Fred and Eva. It felt nice, like finally, step by step you were clearing your years of hidden jealousy. But, there was no one to tell you that this simply wasn't the right way.

That summer, you stayed at the Burrow. Ginny had invited you and you were quick to say yes; obviously a fact forgotten. Fred, George and whoever you had insulted last year stayed in the same house. You simply didn't want to go home, and if this meant seeing Fred Weasley then you had to endure it.

Molly Weasley was the sweetest person you could ever meet, and it was genuine. It felt genuine, you feared your teeth might rot if the woman got another word in. Molly greeted you as if you were her own daughter she hadn't seen in years. You felt valued, seen.

Until Eva was there, Fred invited her. You had to watch the only person you were able to love, introduce the only person he was able to love to his mother. It wasn't you. It would never be you.

And you realized, even after everything, Eva had once again found a way to be more loved than you.

The grin Molly broke out was nothing short of beautiful, and you couldn't help but smile as well. The smile wasn't directed towards you of course, and you sat on that small kitchen chair, celebrating a relationship that caused your ruin.

Eva didn't care that your friendship was over, nothing budged in her life. She still got the same attention, still received the same love from Fred. The same affection, the same attention and the same everything. Or so it seemed.

Though unlike Eva, Fred merely watched you with sad eyes.

You stayed clear of the couple and the rest. You hung out with Ginny and Hermione only, ignoring the dirty looks Ron and Harry gave you. The secret, whispered insults Eva threw your way. George didn't say anything, but he didn't object either. This was enough to show how he felt. At this point you really didn't care. Why would you, when they didn’t either?

You held your head high just like Ginny and Hermione told you to, and you spoke in a loud and clear tone whenever asked something. Eva didn't, she stuttered when you spoke to her directly. Her words scrambled against each other when she tried to voice her insults in louder statements than a whisper. For the first time, you felt relief. You felt intimidating, protected by the barriers you had built around yourself.

Longest day of summer hit, and it boiled. Tanning became a distant dream, you would bake in this weather, and you were thankful to the big AC box you had brought from home. You couldn't sleep that night, sweat beads falling down your forehead that was already covered in a thin sheen. You had decided to get a cold glass of water, not sure how you ended up face to face with Fred Weasley. His wand tip shone with blue light, and his freckles were much darker because of the sun. It seemed the sun decided to be cruel to Fred Weasley back and wash Fred over with it's deathly heat. He was sunburnt, this was an understatement. He was burnt.

You couldn't help but start laughing when you met, ignoring the proximity, ignoring the sleeping house, dead silent and a big leap from the lively Burrow, ignoring Fred's soft breaths he let out every other second. You couldn't live off on false hope anymore.

Suddenly it wasn't so funny anymore, and your face quickly fell. You took a big step back and inhaled, ready to ignore him like you had been doing for the past year. But Fred Weasley was a persistent man, and he gripped your arm and looked at you with determined, doe-like eyes. "Tell me what I did wrong." he said, adamant on fixing this, whatever this was. You both didn't know.

You stood silent.

"Please flower,"

"Don't call me that." you said, stern and gaze sharp. Fred didn't react, he kept on insisting.

"Please, tell me how to fix this. I can fix it," he pleaded, a plethora of empty promises fell out of his lips like nothing. He lied like it was nothing, he was oblivious to everything he and everyone around them had put you through. It was infuriating.

You didn't say anything. You knew he would not fix anything but maybe staying silent would give him the false hope that spinned mockingly in your head for the past eighteen years.

"I'm sorry, just please. I can fix this, I promise, don't be like that." empty tears fell down from his eyes. He looked empty, tired. They lacked the charm they usually shined with and you wondered if it was only you that caused such dullness. Eye bags prominent that you never noticed before. It all felt like a lie, a cruel joke.

Fred Weasley was simply a cruel joke. His presence could only be compared to a shot of whiskey, especially when you down it like how Hagrid nurses a Firewhiskey filled pint glass. You never know how it will hit you. But in the end, you'd always find yourself curled next to the toilet, crying your eyes out because your headache was simply too much.

He was sobbing now, hanging onto your waist like you would simply vanish and you let him. The grip he had on was like steel vice - almost concerning - but you didn't touch him, didn't say anything. You just let him be, like he did to you. Allowed him to hopelessly hang off you before you would eventually leave him alone, like he did to you. "Where did I go wrong? How could we end up like this? What went wrong?"

‘You’, but your voice couldn’t be found.

Questions were useless when the answer was already right in front of his eyes. You didn’t let a single tear fall, you wouldn't forgive yourself if you cried in front of him.

You blinked, and that night was over. Summer continued on like nothing happened, like it didn't leave you heart broken and in such shame yet again. You continued on ignoring Fred as he looked at you with sorrowful eyes. Looked at you more, with more than he did his own girlfriend.

You blinked and the school year started again with another terror looming around the corner. There was simply no need to keep up anymore, because school was easy. You attended classes, got good grades, a few scar here and there from Umbridge's torture chamber, a woman who stood at a whopping five foot three yet still teriffied an entire school.

You blinked and you had already become a proud member of Draco's insult the Gryffindor's club. You didn't even feel bad, being horrible to the people you hated for years felt like a breath of fresh air. You didn't go as far as physically hurting any of your old friends, but coming up with damaging insults was such fun. A lot more fun than sitting around with a fake smile.

You blinked, and you were already moving out from your childhood house. Mr and Mrs Y/L/N were unusually happy, this was a given. They would have a new empty room and make another office, like they didn't have enough already. You feared they would start getting rid of bathrooms once too into their work, and they would have to do their business in bushes or buckets. Scratch that, you didn't fear that, it would be fucking hilarious.

You blinked, and when had time passed too quickly? Where did all those empty childhood years had gone? You were already graduating, on your way to become an Auror. You had lost contact with all your old friends now, regretfully Ginny and Hermione too.

The war had hit too quickly, luckily you survived, so did your friends. Unluckily, it left you with a nasty scar right across your left brow. It looked sick, but the hit wasn't worth it. It hurt like a bitch. You could see, it was a close call but vision wasn't an issue. The trauma though, god did Bellatrix's breath smell bad.

When it was all over, you had seen Fred hugging his family tightly. It seemed the Weasley's all survived, and you gave them each tight lipped smiles while holding a bunched up rag to your head to stop the blood gushing out. This wasn't the reunion you wanted to have with Ginny, but hey, you take what you can get after a revolutionary Wizarding war you barely made out alive.

Before a franticly running Fred could reach you though, you apparated to your flat in Diagon Alley, ignoring the thrumming of your heart, and how you practiced in front of a mirror to congratulate their successful joke shop that morning.

[vidalinav]

Stu(died)

Summary: Nesta starts tutoring Cassian in o-chem, while Cassian mostly stares at Nesta the entire time. He has a school-boy crush. 

Nessian Modern AU-university setting. 

~

Cassian has never met anyone more perfect than Nesta Archeron. He swears she's come straight out of a book. Fitting, he thinks, since every time he meets her, they’re at the library. 

In fact, that’s the only place she’ll meet him at. 

He knows of two other places she frequents, two other places that are closer to their respective classes and many other places he suggests for... his own motivations. Nesta only wants to see him in a library. Something about the absorption of knowledge in that tiny brain of his, which frankly sounds offensive when she says it the first time. And the second time. And the third. 

I’m your tutor, she painstakingly reminds him. We’re not friends. 

Cassian wants to beg to differ. Tries on more than one occasion. He’s known her since freshman year, they have to be friends by now. 

But... she’s not wrong about being his tutor. 

His problem, Cassian admits, is that he doesn’t like to read. He doesn’t really like to study either, but with Nesta Archeron he finds himself jotting down notes. Not on any subject pertaining to his classes...  but in memorizing ever expression she makes, every roll of her eyes as she tells him to pay attention. 

Pay attention, he shall!

More often than not she’s donning a grey fitted shirt that says University Printing in orange tiny print. It’s from her second job. Tutoring him is her third. Her least favorite, she says. 

Liar, he always wants to say. I’m much better to look at than toner.  

But Cassian’s not so sure about that. So far, she only looks at him with disdain and he can rarely get a conversation out of her that doesn’t have to do with covalent bonds or... something or other. He forgets. Cassian only remembers her voice, her hair, her eyes... which defeats the purpose of tutoring and is probably not good for his grades. But alas, Cassian doesn’t find it in himself to care too much. 

He remembers just fine. 

Sometimes, if they meet on the weekends, she’s too busy to take off her black apron. She works at a coffee shop on the outskirts of campus, and she comes to the library smelling like coffee and Cassian’s sure he’ll focus this time. All adrenaline and caffeine, but then she talks and he’s... listening, but really he only listens to her tone. Such haughty words she huffs, her eyes rolling as if she can’t believe he isn’t understanding after all this precious time.  

Are you even listening, Cassian?  

He likes when she says his name. It rolls off her tongue and she sneers and he likes that too.  

But most days, like today, Nesta Archeron wraps herself in sweaters. All manners of cardigans. And the best thing about her is the way her nose is stuck in a book. Cassian longs to trace her cheeks, pulling the few wisps of hair that falls, tucking it behind her ear. He imagines her blushing as he does it, staring at those well-used pages.  

All he ever gets from her is a glare.  

Like he’s just stolen her from a world filled with muscles and nervous systems, or whatever people study in human physiology. Her stare often makes him wonder if she’s imagining how his body moves, how he breathes, if she can pull him part and hold his intestines in her hands. He feels like a wriggling rat when she looks at him. A little frog he can’t cut in high school biology without running to the bathroom nauseated.  

Cassian loves that look the best, though, so he waves at the girl who glares in her seat. The exact seat she always sits in for these sessions. If he grins more goofily than he cares to admit, well... he’s no less happy to see her.  

“What are we learning today, Teach?”  

Nesta rolls her eyes as he lays his bag across the table and he shuffles in search of his notebook.  

That much noise in a library? He can imagine her saying. Preposterous.

“That’s not my name,” she grumbles out, instead.  

“What are you going to teach me then, Obi-wan?”  

“Is that why you’re failing o-chem?” She remarks, her nose scrunching in that very sweet, judgmental way of hers, “Watching too much Star Wars instead of opening up a textbook?”

Indeed, she looks at the book he pulls from his bag. It is new, and he hasn’t opened it.  Every time he tries, he finds better things to do. Another video on Youtube, or one of his friends suggesting a trip to lunch or dinner... or breakfast. He tries to find numerous excuses on why he can’t open that book. He’s going to study from the slides, Cassian says, from his notes. But whenever he opens his notebook, all he finds is scribbles.  

Cassian sighs. He hates this class.  

But he swallows down his disdain, “I’ll tell you the truth if you tell me what your favorite movie is?”  

Nesta shakes her head, her lips pursing as if she might tell him off in a minute or two. Cassian looks at his watch as if he might time it exactly. A ticking bomb. First the pursed lips, then the stern gaze, then the red face and she’ll blow. 

“No,” she announces, “I’m here to tutor you, not entertain.”

“Such a shame since I brought the clown suit today, thought you’d look good in the red nose.”  

Nesta blinks up at the words and Cassian holds back his grin.  

“You’re weird,” she huffs, taking his book out of his hands and opening it up to the first chapter.  

“I brought you something today. To sweeten our time together.”  

Her brows scrunch at that, but he pulls the container out of his bag, crinkling and noise be damned. Cassian lays out the cake and places the fork next to the textbook.  

“You’re bribing me with cake?”

“Chocolate cake,” he explains, “and not just any cake. This is from the dining hall near South Campus. Best cake in the world.”  

“I know the dining hall,” Nesta scoffs.  

“Then you’ll know how good the cake tastes.” Cassian pulls the container back towards him, pulling apart the packing for the fork. “But if you don’t want it, I guess I’ll just eat it myself.”  

“I didn’t say I didn’t want it,” she says and he can already see her resolve wavering. 

It’s always like this. Cassian bribing Nesta with sweets until she’s gliding her fingers down the text book, one sentence at a time. Quizzing him with flashcards until he can only see double lines and circles in his mind... and that tiny smile she makes when she takes just one bite. 

Nesta taps her pencil on the page, distracting him from his thoughts. “This doesn’t mean I’ll take it easy on you this semester. You barely passed biology last semester.” 

Cassian scoffs, raising his chin. “That was sophomore me. I’m serious now.” 

But then Nesta’s reading off the page, drawing diagrams in his notebook, and he’s only staring at her lips. 

Cassian sighs. 

This is going to be a long semester. 

~

Tagged:  @my-fan-side, @sophilightwood, @nestaarcher0n, @duskandstarlight, @soitsgorgeous, @ekaterinakostrova @swankii-art-teacher, @lordof-bloodshed, @thewhelk, @daisy-in-danger, @highqueenevankhell, @lovelynesta, @sirendeepity, @champanheandluxxury, @ladynestaarcheron, @moodymelanist, @teagoddess99, @spoilersteph, @angelic-voice-1997, @bo0kmaster69, @drielecarla, @generalnesta, @cozycomfyliving08 @arinbelle

~

Poor boy, he’s going to fail his classes. 

Anyway, this is another fic Im sure I’m not going to finish but had an idea for so I ran with it for one scene and probably one scene only.

Bye!

[palimpsessed]

Hello hello! Wednesday already? Hurrah! And I’ve already started a new art piece! Who would believe it? I also ofc have more SAE for you. And I wrote some incredibly silly crack the other day I may post soon. Who knows? Anyway, I’ll give you a sampling of each.

First, ol’ reliable Slings and Eros, but jumping back to chapter 20 for this snippet, from Agathe:

“You can just admit it, you know.”

“Admit what?” I ask, my voice rising in a very convincingly casual manner.

“Admit that you’re doing it for me. Because I asked you to. Because we’re friends.”

I cross my arms and raise an eyebrow. “Are we friends?”

He laughs, shaking his head. “It’s always eyebrows,” he mutters under his breath.

“What?”

“Just don’t tell any more prophecies about me.”

“Just because you’re the only god here doesn’t mean you’re the only one who gets to place conditions on this friendship.”

His eyes light up. “See? I told you we were friends!”

Next, some dirty crack. This idea has been percolating for some time as a note on my phone. Then the discord crew had a minor meltdown about what exactly was going on in Simon’s trousers. So I had to actually write this. You’re welcome.

"The Chosen One. The Greatest Mage. The Power of Powers."

I can't stop laughing. My face is buried in Baz's shoulder and I may be drooling on him because I'm laughing so hard.

"Stop!" I cry, but it comes out muffled and breathless.

"The Sword of Mages. No, no. Wait! I can do better! Excalibur," he says, and I lose myself in another fit of giggles.

It only goes downhill from there.

Anddddddd here’s something angsty for Simon’s birthday which yes I’m already working on because I want to:

Poor sad Simon. I really made him pathetic didn’t I? I sketched this out in like an hour last night which for me is breakneck speed so I guess it’s going well so far. Been wanting to draw this scene almost since I first read it. Can you guess what it is?

This is so long 😂 anyway! Tags and thanks!

Thanks to: @basiltonbutliketheherb @martsonmars @urban-sith @facewithoutheart @takitalks @artsyunderstudy @tea-brigade @confused-bi-queer for tagging me

And I’ll tag the discord peeps who had a hand in the crack: @mrskrementz @moodandmist @aristocratic-otter @bookish-bogwitch and @jbrrring who i know will appreciate the eyebrows comment 😂 @mostlymaudlin @shemakesmeforget @nightimedreamersworld @wetheformidables @frjsti @unseelieseelie @stardustasincocaine @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @bazzybelle @starwarned @stillmadaboutpetra @twinkle-twinkle-up-above @themandilorian @skeedelvee @bloodiedpixie @toonysart @cynopoe

[joyseuphoria]

Joy’s jily year in review

19th Jan ‘22 marks my official one year of writing for this fandom! So I thought I should make a little post to show my appreciation for the whole fandom.

I know that I’m not that active in writing or drawing but this year has been one of the most funnest ever being a part of this lovely community.

Fics Published:

13 fics; 1, a collab with @mppmaraudergirl (who actually wrote the entire first chapter. So, it’ll be 14 fics if you count hinder me, as well)

Words Published:

44,109

Behind the scenes

WIP’s:

32

Words written:

156,768 (excluding the scenes/fics I’ve rewritten/tossed out because I didn’t like it two days after)

Favourite fic(s) I’ve written:

Never saw you coming (never be the same)

And, we love.

Chances

Least favourite fic:

My first three fics 🙃 (the only reason I’m not deleting is because a LOT of people advised me NOT TO delete my works. (No matter how much I hate em)

I HOPE to finish all the WIP’s I’ve started the last year. Feel free to come at me if I don’t.

I am so lucky to have met the people that I did. @maraudersftw and @blitheringmcgonagall @constancezin were one of the very first people I ever interacted with and they taught me a lot about writing and drawing. So, I’m forever grateful to them. And of course, @majormaybe1 @startanewdream @suchitasenthilkumar and @adenei who’re the only people I regularly interact with and have helped me loads with my current WIP’s. And to @emeralddoeadeer who helped me with this huge post 😂. I have a feeling I’m missing lots more— @thequibblah who considered it her greatest honour to reveal the secret of bestowing titles to fics to me; the incredibly funny convos I have with @theesteemedladydebourgh — but, thank you so much for helping me be the writer that I am today. Because, writing fics has improved my vocabulary a lot and has helped me start writing articles, essays and original stories as well.

And to top it all off, I even organised a whole ass event. 🤯🤯Still can’t believe it.

Current me thinks that past me went a little (lot) overboard with the @jilytoberfest but eh. This year, will be so much better. And… while we’re on the topic of jilytober… a little apology from my side because I didn’t post the ‘thank you post’ that I was supposed on nov 2nd… I accidentally had it scheduled it for dec 2nd… and when I learnt that (about twenty days later) I deleted that scheduled post, too! I guess…. This post is going to turn into a thank you post to those who helped me organise the event.

@theresthesnitch created a forms for everyone to submit their fics/artworks and made a whole SPREADSHEET (THANK YOU SO SO MUCH, SNITCH). Thank you to @magic-girl-in-a-muggle-world, who helped me with all the prompts! And to all the others who submitted the prompts as well! And @alittlebitofeverything23 who got the list of the fics to be on the reader’s bingo! I was really so happy to see all the participation and I’m incredibly grateful!

Thank you all for making this year so memorable 😘