#you can definitely see the. like. where 4 of my other fanfics came out of this one

[recurring-polynya]

Hello! Long time lurker. I've really enjoyed reading your work and especially love Heart is a Muscle and the way you characterise all the different relationships in it! My ask is how do you think Byakuya finds out about RenRuki. I feel like it would be one of those moments where subconsciously he'd see it coming but at the same time still be caught of guard and manage to be very Byakuya about it.

This was one of those where I wasn't quite sure if it was an ask or a fic request, but the fact is I have an old chunk of story sitting around that addresses this very question. I guess I intended to someday throw this into some post-Heart is a Muscle story, and maybe I still will, but who knows if I'm ever going to get there, so you can have it now. Takes place after everyone gets home from the Blood War (where Rukia and Renji had to confess to each other in the middle of bankai training because I thought it would be cool it was weighing on their hearts)

(I wrote this in 2019 and gave it only light edits)

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⚔️ 🕶️ 💕

The sun was starting to go down when Kuchiki Byakuya arrived at Practice Field #3. On a normal day, work hours would be long over, although one might find an industrious officer out in this part of the division grounds, training on their own, or a few of the younger ones playing a game of pick-up football. Tonight, it was quiet.

It had been nine days since Kurosaki Ichigo had defeated Yhwach.

A young human girl was perched on the fence surrounding the field, chatting animatedly with Byakuya's ridiculous adjutant, who snapped to attention when he sensed the approach of his commanding officer.

"Good evening, sir!" Abarai Renji barked. "Thank you for agreeing to this! I hope you don't mind, but I asked Inoue Orihime to come."

The girl hopped off the fence and bowed deeply. "Hello, again, Captain Kuchiki, sir!"

"Worried that I won't hold back?" Byakuya asked with a coolly raised eyebrow.

"Oh, I know you won't," Renji replied. "She's here so that I don't hold back."

Byakuya guffawed, and one side of his mouth quirked up. "Congratulations, Lieutenant. You've finally managed to say something humorous."

"You feeling good today, sir?" Renji asked, just a tinge of concern in his voice. "You feeling up for this?"

"I am fully recovered, thank you," Byakuya sniffed. "Yourself?"

"Feelin' good, sir."

"Then let us begin."

"Oh, one last thing, Captain. Would you mind leaving your scarf with Orihime, here? I wouldn't wanna get my blood all over another one."

"Truly, Lieutenant, you are on a roll today," Byakuya noted, unwinding the scarf from his neck and draping it around Orihime's.

"Oooh, it's so light!" Orihime cooed. "It's like nothing!"

"I'll tell Kurosaki to get you one for your birthday," Renji teased.

"Are you ready now?" Byakuya demanded.

"Yep, enough stallin'. Let's do this."

Orihime hopped back up on the fence and called up a shield in front of herself. "Good luck, Renji!" she called.

Abarai shot her a wink and took up his position on the field.

Byakuya placed his hand on the hilt of his sword, but did not draw it.

Abarai drew his and silently released into shikai. He bounced lightly on the balls of his feet. "Might wanna release, sir."

"I shall be the judge of that."

Renji gave a little nod. "As y'like. BANKAI!"

It was common knowledge that Abarai had unlocked a second level to his bankai in the Royal Realm. Byakuya was looking forward to seeing it actually, but he wasn't particularly concerned about it.

Byakuya knew quite a bit about zanpakutou and their releases. It did happen occasionally that a sword would reveal itself in stages, but it tended to retain its essential character.

Hihiou Zabimaru was an excellent bankai, powerful and versatile. It required immense spiritual pressure, iron concentration and significant amount of mental bookkeeping, Byakuya was given to understand. It had served Abarai well in his ill-advised hijinks up until now, but the fact was, it would not be truly formidable until Abarai himself had another half-century or so under his belt. It was too bulky, too finicky, too fragile. There was no other way to master bankai like that, only experience. Byakuya knew a quite bit about bankai like that, himself.

Abarai launched himself at his captain, blade swinging.

Byakuya went to shikai as he drew his zanpakutou, petals pouring forth from his sheath and forming a shield in front of him.

Abarai's blade sliced right through it.

Byakuya flash-stepped away, sweeping Senbonzakura's blades into a more solid foundation, only to find them knocked out of the way by a giant skeletal hand. Another flash step, another regrouping, and Abarai was there again.

Suddenly, it dawned on him. Hihio Zabimaru had been a joke. A prank. A giant, heavy, impossible-to-use freight train that Abarai had taken in stride, as he did every other misfortune that fate heaped upon him. It was a shadow, an echo of Abarai's real bankai.

So-oh Zabimaru also took immense spiritual pressure to summon, that much was still true. But the bulk, the unwieldy mass was gone. It was as if though Abarai's new spiritual armor was plugged directly into his spinal column. It moved with him weightlessly, astonishingly fast.

Something else had changed, too. Something about Abarai's spiritual pressure. It was more unified, more focused, more together. For the first time out of the many, many times Byakuya had fought his lieutenant, he did not feel like he was being attacked by an angry, flailing youth, but that he was facing a worthy adversary.

Byakuya was being pressed harder and harder to defend against Abarai's assault.

And the fact was, he was not fine.

The injuries inflicted on him by As Nodt were grievous. He was lucky to be alive, and if it weren't for Kirinji's healing springs, he probably wouldn't even be able to summon his zanpakutou. His soul was damaged, and although he had made a miraculous recovery, he was not completely made whole. His speed was close to what it once was, and his bond with Senbonzakura was as strong as ever, but his power and endurance were greatly compromised. He could go to bankai if needed, but it was extremely taxing, and Shuukei Hakuteiken was, at the moment, out of his reach.

He thought it wouldn't matter.

Abarai had never even come close to beating him.

Abarai wouldn't notice such a weakness and furthermore, was too sentimental to exploit such a--

He had brought Inoue.

Abarai knew exactly what he was doing.

“BANKAI!” Byakuya called out.

Abarai smirked. “You shouldna let me get that head start, Captain.”

---

"Renji, he's waking up!"

The world swam into view, tinted orange.

"Hey, Captain!" Abarai's grating bark rang out. "How you feel?"

"I feel fine," Byakuya snapped, starting to sit up.

"Lie down please, I'm almost done, but not quite," Orihime said firmly.

Byakuya put his head back down on the ground, and replayed the last few moments of the fight in his head.

Abarai had come out aggressively, going to bankai immediately. He had never allowed Byakuya to gain a solid footing, and pulled out his strongest attack, which Byakuya had never seen, as soon as he possibly could. Byakuya hadn’t even been able to get a good look at it, he only had the impression of fangs before becoming completely overwhelmed. Abarai, who knew his attack patterns, who knew that it took him a minute or two to work up a full head of steam, had bet everything he had on defeating Byakuya immediately and it had worked.

It had been a rout, an utter humiliation.

Byakuya could still beat his adjutant, surely, but he could no longer plow him over with superior strength, and certainly not in his degraded condition. He was going to need to think up counterstrategies. And some of them were not going to work.

He looked down at his chest and realized that his shihakushou had been sliced from shoulder to hip, and was soaked, absolutely drenched with blood.

"You didn't cut me in half, did you?" he sneered.

"No, you were definitely all still, um, attached," Renji clarified.

"Not by much, though," Orihime mumbled.

Renji nudged her firmly in the shoulder.

Orihime waved her hands, and the healing bubble collapsed into nothingness. "All done!"

Abarai held out a hand. With a twinge of reluctance, Byakuya took it, and let the younger man haul him to his feet.

Orihime scrambled up, pulling the scarf over her head, and offered it back. "Thanks for letting me watch! That was a really fun fight! You're both so, so strong and it's so much nicer when no one actually wants to kill each other."

"Hey, we don't wanna keep everyone waiting, right, 'Hime?" Renji said, glancing sideways at his captain. "We got dinner plans, everyone's leavin' tomorrow."

"Yes, Rukia mentioned it," Byakuya replied dryly.

"You okay to--"

"Stop checking on me, you fool. I have said I am well and I dislike repeating myself."

Renji nodded quickly. "Thanks for the fight, sir. I'll see you in the morning."

Three hours later, Byakuya sat in his office.

He was thinking.

He was thinking about the current state of the Gotei 13, the captain-less squads, the loss of highly seated officers. He was thinking about his Third Seat, who had never exactly been lieutenant material and was currently on medical leave after having his sword-arm completely reconstructed.

Byakuya looked up at the sound of the door opening.

"Uh, hi, Captain," Abarai said, clearly surprised to see him. "What are you doing here so late?"

"This is my office, is it not?" Byakuya snapped.

"Well, sure," Abarai replied, walking over to his own desk. "I left my sunglasses here," he explained, sticking them on top of his head.

"It's dark out," Byakuya pointed out.

"I'll need 'em in the morning," Renji shrugged. He frowned thoughtfully, then pulled open his filing cabinet and withdrew a folder. "Speaking of which, I was gonna give you this tomorrow, but as long as we're both here..."

He crossed the room and extended it.

Gingerly, Byakuya took it, then squinted at the notation on the tab. "Strongly Worded Letters to the Management of Squad 11?"

Abarai's eyes widened. "Oh, no, that was just to keep people from poking around. It's actually...well, it's pretty obvious what it is," he finished lamely.

"You aren't ready,"' Byakuya snarled.

"I'm...what?"

"Yes, your new bankai is very powerful, it is true. But just because you have run roughshod over a few enemies with it hardly means you're ready to strike out on your own. You need more training, more control. A bankai like that can land you in hot water as well as it can save you. Furthermore, there's a shortage of competent lieutenants, it would be foolhardy indeed for you to set forth without experienced backup, and don't tell me you're even thinking of the Seventh. I have heard how you and Lieutenant Iba are when you two are unsupervised."

Abarai's face was twisted in utter befuddlement. "Sir, what are you talking about?"

Byakuya flipped the folder open and stared at the neat stack of papers within. "This isn't an Intent to Test for the Captains' Exam," he said, taken aback.

Renji made a choking noise. "No, sir! Cripes, sir, I just got a new bankai, why would I leave? I need you to help me learn to use it. An' I wouldn't leave you, anyway, not while you're still, you know. From the As Nodt thing. Also, who the hell wants to be captain of anywhere but the Sixth?" His voice rose steadily in both volume and pitch as he babbled.

"There is no need to shout, Lieutenant," Byakuya frowned, looking down again at the stack of papers.

It was a copy of form RHCA-48-006-C, an application to become a Family-Approved Suitor.

Stupidly, Byakuya's eyes drifted over the names written into the form's blank spaces. "With the submission of this form, Abarai Renji, Assistant Captain of the Sixth Division of the Gotei 13," (did he really need to write all that out? It barely fit in the space) "requests the approval of the Kuchiki family to court Lady Kuchiki Rukia, Assistant Captain of the Thirteenth and First Daughter of the Kuchiki."

Oh.

Oh.

---

Byakuya sat in the garden, on the bench near the koi pond. His brain was chasing about in aimless circles, much like the fish in the pond.

"Brother?"

He looked up from the water. His sister was still dressed, despite the late hour. Byakuya recalled that she had been out earlier with Abarai and their human friends. Her hair and makeup was different from the way she wore it for formal events, sharper, wilder. It seemed surreal that parts of the city had been reduced to dust, while others had come through virtually untouched. That despite it all, life continued on.

"Are you alright?" Rukia asked, her brow creased with worry.

Byakuya smiled at her gently, affectionately. He thought about the great lengths he had once gone to protect her from the world, and now she, a woman with one of the most beautiful and deadly bankai he had ever seen, was fussing over him.

"I am fine, Rukia," he reassured her. "Will you sit with me?"

He had expected her to perch at the other end of the bench, a nervous bird, always ready to take flight. Instead, she sat close to him, and with an egregious disregard for propriety, took one of his hands between her own, holding it in her lap. "Renji's sorry, you know. He thought he should have waited another week or two, but I said--"

"He should not be,” Byakuya said stiffly. “Another week or two would have made no difference. I do not wish to speak of it further."

"Did you have something to eat--"

"Did you know that my lieutenant is in love with you?"

It was dark, so he couldn't see if Rukia's cheeks turned pink, but he did catch the shy smile that crossed her lips before she turned her face away self-consciously. Long ago, he had caused her normally unflappable sister to make that face once, maybe twice. It was possibly his greatest achievement.

"He, ah, mentioned something to that effect the other day,"

Byakuya was fairly certain that Abarai wouldn't have proceeded without Rukia's buy-in, but he felt it prudent to double-check. "I take it you... reciprocate?"

She made a pleased little hum. "He only happened to mention it at all because I had just told him that I was in love with him."

Byakuya often enjoyed whimsically deriding his ridiculously hardworking and absurdly devoted adjutant, even more so in the presence of his sister, whose affection for the man had long been obvious, if not the degree of it. But he couldn't bring himself to make jokes, not right now.

"You do not need my permission to take up with him romantically," he pointed out. "You and I have had a long-standing agreement, that as long as you were discreet about it--"

"Renji and I don't want that," Rukia interrupted. "I mean, we do. We do want to take up romantically." She made an odd face at having to say the phrase out loud. "But you're very important to both of us. We wanted you to know. We… wanted you to approve."

Byakuya glanced over at the young woman who he had adopted so many years ago, and yet, had only recently become his sister. She was, in so many ways, much like himself in his youth. Brash. Stubborn. Willful. Too brilliant by half. Byakuya adjusted his hand in hers, and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"You know I am a sentimental fool," he began, and Rukia turned to look at him again with an expression he couldn't quite parse. "I think it is embarrassingly obvious how fond I am of both of you."

Emotion broke over Rukia's face. "It is not, Brother," she tried to scold him, though her voice cracked at the end.

"He hardly deserves you," Byakuya went on.

Rukia rolled her eyes. "The two of you are so--"

"But at least he acknowledges that, and seeks to remedy it," Byakuya ignored her. "I shall be watching closely to make sure he does not become complacent, but if he continues on his current trajectory, he may eventually become worth your affection."

"So, are you going to approve his stupid form?" Rukia asked.

"That," replied Byakuya, "is a different matter."

"Oh," Rukia said softly.

"Becoming a Family-Approved Suitor has nothing to do with whether or not I like him. It is an opening of negotiations, a proof of suitability for marriage. Surely, you two don't…" He trailed off when he saw Rukia looking away again.

"We've only just started figuring this out," she admitted. "But it's not...out of the question."

"Oh," Byakuya replied. He'd always had the distinct impression that his sister had little interest in matrimony, although he knew as well as anyone the difference the "who" of the equation could make.

"That presents...a difficulty," he admitted. "The Family would not take it well. They already think I have been too selfish in these matters.”

“That’s so short-sighted,” Rukia muttered. “So he doesn’t have much money or a name that goes six generations back. He’s got bankai. He’s incredibly strong. The family hasn’t even produced anyone who can pass the vice-captain’s exam in the last hundred years.”

"You misunderstand me, Sister," he clarified. "Bringing Abarai into the family would be a tremendous benefit to me, personally. I lack for neither money nor familial pedigree. The only thing I lack is a family line. A young man of immense spiritual pressure, with no family ties of his own, and an inexplicably fierce loyalty to myself would be of great benefit to our line and perhaps to our family as a whole. It would not be very advantageous to those who are jostling to prove themselves the best among a number of poor choices. The family has not been to war in a long time, and many forget how important it is to maintain our strength. I have not forgotten.”

Rukia’s eyes widened. “You wouldn’t name him…”

Byakuya made a horrified face. “Of course not.” He frowned. “Not for the family. But the Captain of the Sixth need not also be the head of the family. I told the Head Captain a year ago he was the only one I trusted to replace me in that regard, although I doubted my posthumous opinion would be respected. I suppose I should tell Kyouraku the same. This would make things a bit smoother, I suppose.” He was quiet for a moment. “I will need to think on this. I might.... I might need to talk to Grandfather. I… will do what I can.”

Rukia eased her hand from his, and slid her arms around his waist and leaned into his side. “Thank you, Brother. I love you.”

Byakuya closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He hardly deserved her, either. He pulled one arm out of her hug and rested it gently around her shoulder. “Thank you, Rukia,” he said softly. Another deep breath. “I love you, too.”

Her only response was to hug him just the teeniest bit harder.

[madridfangirl]

Star crossed lovers (Jude Bellingham fanfic)

Chapter 4

(Series Link)

Jude * female reader

Warnings: None. Slightly mature language in parts.

Synopsis: A chance encounter in a tiny Madrid cafe with the newest superstar of her fav club. The two couldn't be more different, yet both feel the pull toward the other. Would this girl be the one he finally falls for? Would she make him change his ways? Even though she resists him every step of the way, would he fight all odds (& her) to have her in his life? Or would life come in the way of these star-crossed lovers?

…………………………..

Jude let go of her hands, which fell in her lap, and took two steps back to look at her. The mood needed some lightening up.

‘Look at you, shooting me down two nights in a row. One would think I played for Barca, not Madrid.’

This made her look back at him. His silliness made her smile, she couldn’t help herself.

‘There is no way I would be sitting in your kitchen if that were the case.’

‘Finally, the sass is back. Hallelujah!’

He mimicked his celebration, with his hands raised, quite proud of himself in the moment.

She tried kicking his knee to wipe that smirk off his face but he dodged just in time, both laughing by now.

‘Let’s get some food in you. And more wine, definitely more wine. Then we will talk.’

They moved to the living room couch with their dinner and drinks, and settled on watching an episode of Friends. Both knew the show by heart and it served as the perfect distraction. The food was lovely too. White sauce pasta was her ultimate comfort food - she had no idea how he chose this or if it was just something his cook decided to make.

But what helped the most was the wine. It tasted like little drops of heaven. She knew it would be some fancy ass bottle she won’t even be able to pronounce so she didn’t even bother checking the name.

It had started raining by then, she could see the downpour through the French windows facing the backyard. And in Madrid, when it rained, it poured.

While she was looking outside, he cleared the empty plates and came back to the couch with re-filled glasses.

‘Agnes will drop you back later, don’t worry. He’s awesome at driving.’

She turned around and thanked him with a genuine smile, taking the glass from his outstretched hand.

‘Now, tell me, why so intent on shooting me down?’

He tilted his head towards her, patiently waiting for a response. Ananya looked down wryly, while her fingers played with the fabric of the couch.

‘It’s not something I set out to do. But, you and me, we are so different. Don’t you think?’

‘Why do you think so?’

‘Isn’t it obvious? Our jobs, our worlds, our lives, our circles, our priorities - every damn thing is different. There is nothing in common.’

‘Or we are two young, lively, ambitious people, enjoying life in a new city while still being connected to our families back home. That’s how I see it.’

She shook her head in frustration.

‘C’monn, Jude. I am sure you can see my point. You can see what I mean.’

He scanned her face for a few seconds, before conceding.

‘Alright, cool. Yes, we are different. Why is that such a bad thing though? Don’t opposites attract?’

‘Only in movies. And novels. Not in real life. Practicality always wins in real life.’

‘Don’t believe in romance then? In love and fairy tales?’

‘Romance, yes. Love, yes. But not in fairy tales. Not in Price Charming or a White Knight. Not in some star crossed lovers kinda story.’

‘That’s too much scepticism for a 20 year old, y’know.’

She just shrugged in response. He wondered if there was a story behind it. If something, someone rather, made her feel this way. But that thought was so unpleasant that he quickly snapped out of it. Conversation for another time.

‘Ok, let’s stick to practicality then. Let’s break it down. Why can’t we give this a try and see where it goes? Why do we have to think 50 steps ahead on day 1?

‘Define giving it a try.’

‘Dating.’

‘And what would that entail?’

He had been leaning against the back of the couch but sat upright then, and looked at her quizzically.

‘You are asking me what dating entails?’

‘No. I am asking what dating you entails. Would it mean going to your matches, going out in the city with you, to be clicked in public with you? Yeah?’

‘Well, yeah, I guess.’

She sighed, and he put his glass on the table, utterly confused now. When she spoke next, her voice was small but firm.

‘The thing is, just the thought of that, of so many eyes on me is nauseating. It makes me want to run. I can’t handle the pressure of being in the public eye like that. Of being under constant scrutiny. The media will dig out every photo, every text, every said and unsaid thing. And not just that, the fans Jude. Some of your fan girls will absolutely detest my existence, for not being deserving in their eye of the most sought after guy in all of Europe maybe. And I live here, right in the epicentre of all this. It won’t just be virtual. It will be everywhere around me.’

Ananya took a big sip from her glass, almost gulping down the remaining half in one go. While he sat still, trying to process everything she was saying. She continued immediately after.

‘Also, who’s gonna take me seriously at work then? Do you know how hard it is to get into investment banking? There are so few women who graduate to leadership roles in this field - the glass ceiling is present and real. And I am just starting out. I worked my ass off to get here. But they will all just look at me as your…, as some kind of floozy..’

He didn’t let her finish. Jude grabbed both her hands, held them together between his and squeezed firmly.

‘Shhhhhhhh, calm down, calm down babe. I hear you.’

She breathed heavily, gradually opening her eyes as he kept making shushing noises in the meantime.

His eyes were kind and sincere, seeking hers. She nearly got pulled into them but managed to regain her balance. He spoke softly, with understanding.

‘It’s not that bad for some guys, y’know. Tony was telling me how Jessica has pretty much been able to do her own thing here, without much glare. Same for quite a few other guys.’

‘Jude, they are not you. And please don’t make me explain what that means, you already know it.’

Yes, he knew what she meant. She could see it with the resignation in his eyes.

It was his turn to look away to compose himself. She couldn’t resist admiring his face from so close, as he was lost in thought.

‘How about this - we don’t tell anyone. No one. Just you and me. We meet either here or at your place. I will find a way to get there without being seen. No media. No fans. No pictures. No drama. No pressure. Till we are ready. Till you are ready.’

His eyes had changed shade again, filled with resolve now.

She considered every word and replayed it over in her head.

‘That’s not ideal for you, though, is it?’

‘Maybe it is. The media finds enough fodder to rip apart my life and my family’s as it is, let’s not give them more juice. It could be a good thing dove, seriously.’

She scanned his face to see if he really meant what he said. When she couldn’t find any evidence to the contrary, she let out a little sigh.

‘You are sweet.’

‘You are pretty.’

His instant response threw her off-guard. The look of surprise on her face and her failed attempt to speak was deeply amusing to him. Along with the little blush that was starting to creep up at the top of her cheeks.

She pulled out her hands from his hold, gathered herself and tried to look admonishing. He just laughed at her response and flashed her his biggest smile, all 32 teeth visible.

Ananya was convinced he was just trying to distract her from the conversation. The darned thing was, it was working.

‘Can you please be serious, Jude?’

‘I say it as I see it.’

He retorted, meeting the challenge in her voice.

Just then, his phone rang loudly and they both jumped from the suddenness of it. He looked at the phone, then looked at her indecisively.

‘Umm, it’s my Mum.’

‘Go talk to her, she must be calling about the match. What are you waiting for?’

He beamed happily at her, almost thanking her for understanding. Then quickly answered the phone, moving to the next room. She could see him through the glass windows, walking up and down, practically skipping with joy while discussing the match with his mom.

It was such a sweet moment. He looked like a 5 year old little boy telling his mom he came first in a school race. The love was practically radiating from his being.

She smiled, then busied herself with her phone. Giving them their privacy.

Her insta was filled with messages of shock, awe and jealousy of them getting to watch the Classico live. She chuckled and scrolled through all, reminding herself to respond later.

Roma had sent her a few messages too, asking her how it was going. And throwing in some deeply suggestive comments in between. Ananya could tell her friend was drunk. If only she knew what was really happening here, she would probably murder her.

What was really happening here? She was ruining what was probably the best day of his life yet by discussing her complicated thoughts. He could have been celebrating with his teammates right now, or with anyone else. He deserved to have the moon tonight, not what they were doing.

Guilt set in and she kicked herself for coming over in the first place. He would have been upset but surely he would have found ways to get over it quickly.

The constant pattering of rain outside served as a good distraction. She walked over to the French windows and settled down on the comfy floor seating. The cushions were cozy and the throw was soft; she pulled it up till her waist and shut her eyes for a bit.

She still hadn’t told him the other piece of her hesitation. It was a trickier conversation - she didn’t know how to articulate it, or if she even wanted to. She didn’t know how he would react to such vulnerable admissions. Tonight was so not the night, such horrible timing.

Just then, she heard half-frantic footsteps in the background and moments later she saw him turn the corner.

‘There you are. Thought you ran away without telling me.’

She elbowed his side lightly as he settled down next to her on the floor seating, leaning against the cushions.

‘You think I would do that?.’

‘Been trying to run since yesterday. Don’t trust you yet.’

They were side by side, facing the windows but turned slightly towards each other. Ananya chose to not address the last comment.

‘How was the call? She must have been happy.’

There was the little boy again, smiling from ear to ear, radiating such affection for his mom that it made her heart flutter.

‘She was over the moon. But she’s always like that - twice as happy as me for anything I do. Same with Jobe. She’s just a bundle of love.’

This was just cheating at this point. How was she supposed to resist him like this? But she had to get it off her chest, before it was too late. Before something happens that she can’t go back on.

His eyes turned yet another shade, intense. She could feel them roaming over her now.

‘Listen, about earlier.’

‘Oh yes. Sorry for the interruption. You said there was something else. Tell me.’

Her fingers dug into the cushion as she struggled to articulate this sensitive topic. He watched her movements closely, letting her take his time.

‘I came out of a serious relationship, in fact the only relationship I have been in, about 6 months ago. It was hard, coz I thought that person was THE person I will end up with. He said all the right things, did all the right things but eventually when it came to it, he didn’t have it in him to fight for us enough.’

Jude grabbed a nearby cushion too, resisting the urge to bite on it or rip it open. He could tell her scepticism had a story behind it and this seemed to be that.

‘Not gonna bore you with more about that. But long story short, the idea of being with someone is a bit daunting for me right now. A lot of my fundamental beliefs have been shaken, including my ability to trust in my instincts, which I thought I was good at. I am still trying to piece myself back together block by block. That was another reason to pick Madrid - a complete change of environment. I am not…as in I don’t have any feelings for him anymore but it’s myself that I am trying to understand better. Not sure if that makes sense but that’s what it is. ‘

Just my luck, he thought. The cushion was living on borrowed life in his hands at this point but Jude was proud of the way he had kept his face calm and neutral.

‘Thank you for sharing this with me, couldn’t have been easy. Look, I get it. Coming out of a long relationship can be hard. I have also been in one. Though, I don’t think I was ready for it at the time and I can’t claim to have been a good boyfriend either. But we all learn and grow from our experiences, right? Can’t stop trusting our instincts. Think of it this way - you knew all this yet you are here tonight. Something pulled you towards me. Don’t let your brain deny that.’

Well, she wasn’t denying the pull she felt towards him. She was trying to make sense of it with him. But he still hadn’t gotten the full picture. She needed to spell it out crudely so he really gets it.

Ananya looked straight at him for this - so she could see his reaction closely.

‘Jude - I don’t think I am ready for anything physical. And I don’t know when I will be ready. Or if I will be ready. That’s what I have been trying to tell you.’

She watched the realisation dawn on his face then. Well, finally, she thought. When he didn’t speak for the next 30 seconds, she chimed in again.

‘Look - I know this is atypical and I know this won’t work for you. I get it. We can look at last two days as a different experience and just call it a night. It’s absolutely fine.’

His head shot up at her, and his tone was sharp, for the first time tonight.

‘Sorry - what do you mean you KNOW this won’t work for me?’

‘Because it won’t work for most people in your position.’

She said calmly, trying to keep an even tone.

‘IN MY POSITION? You mean a footballer right? And you know this how? Let me guess - media, social media and gossip pages, correct?’

‘Jude, I..’

‘Tell me this - have I done ANYTHING in the last two days to make you uncomfortable? Did I push you, touch you or even look at you when you didn’t want me to?

‘Please don’t say that. You haven’t. That’s not what I..’

‘Then why, why did you of all people assume I was some sex-crazed animal who is only interested in fucking anyone with….’

She crossed the distance between them, kneeled in front of him and covered his mouth with her hand.

‘Stop, please stop. I am sorry. That’s not what I meant. And yes, I shouldn’t have drawn any conclusions from the media. You are right. Pls I beg you, just calm down. I am so so sorry.’

She could feel his heavy breathing on her hand, but atleast he didn’t push her away. The fight drained out from his eyes slowly, replaced with hurt. Which killed her even more. She moved her hands to his shoulders, gently stroking both.

He spoke in a small voice then, the twinkle lost from his eyes.

‘What did you mean then, if not all that?’

‘I meant that, someone like you, who has the world at his feet right now, who has enough high stakes as it is in his day job, why would such a person want this kind of a restricted set-up? I am sure models, actresses and all such sexy women must be throwing themselves at you left, right and center. You could be with anyone you want to be with.’

He seemed to believe her explanation, from the way his shoulders relaxed and his expression softened.

‘Clearly, not anyone.’

He pointed in her direction. When she didn’t say anything, he reached for her hands lying on his shoulders. And gently, fleetingly brushed his lips on the back of both.

She gasped & shut her eyes, willing herself to not melt. Failing miserably.

‘I believe I have the right to decide who I find sexy. And dove, you are the reason I struggled to sleep last night. Haven’t stopped thinking about you.’

Ananya wanted to hide from his gaze which was burning her even with her eyes closed. But she was transfixed.

‘Plus you are smart, a little lippy, highly opinionated, well-read, brave, vulnerable, honest and so so real. Gosh, I love that about you.’

He requested her to look at him. She obliged.

‘I would take you right now if you were in the same headspace. God knows I have thought about it. But, if taking things slow is what you need and the alternative is you walking out that door forever, then let’s go at a turtle pace. Can’t let go of you.’

He pulled them both up to their feet, standing a few inches away from each other.

Then, he opened his arms for her, inviting her in. She looked between his arms and his face which had an expectant smile, then back to his open arms.

‘Come here, come to me.’

Next second, she found herself against his chest. Strong arms wrapped around her in a gentle hold, pulling her further into his chest. While her hands went around his broad back, clutching at his jumper.

This wasn’t like anything she had ever felt before. His scent, his warmth, his breath, his presence fogged her mind and made her oblivious to everything else in the world.

Jude kissed the top of her head and rested his cheek against it. She bit her cheek to not let out a moan, but failed, making him smile.

‘Feeling what I am feeling?’

‘Yes.’

‘Will you give us a chance, then?’

‘You haven’t left me with a choice.’

‘Finally. Two wins in the same night, I am truly on a roll.’

She giggled against his chest at his silliness, and he followed suit. Feeling his laugh reverberate through his whole body was a feeling she couldn’t describe in words. It was something pure, something ethereal.

They swayed in each other’s arms for minutes, not wanting to let go. Not wanting to disturb the peace of the moment.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, she grudgingly removed her cheek that was placed against his chest, and looked up at him.

‘It must be late. I should go now.’

‘If you want, you can take the guest bedroom. And leave in the morning whenever you want.’

‘I have some work in the morning, have to send out some stuff to the New York office.’

‘Agnes can pick up your laptop and bring it here.’

‘Jude - I really don’t think we should be under the same roof tonight.’

‘Don’t trust me?’

‘Don’t trust either of us right now, to be honest.’

He flashed her a mind-numbing smile.

‘Already can’t resist me? I knew it.’

‘Shut up and let me go.’

‘Five more minutes?’

‘Fine.’

She rested her cheek on his chest again, while his went on her head. His arms gently stroking her back, building a cocoon of comfort. They stayed like that for more than 5 mins.

……………………………………………

There you go - hope you are liking the story so far.

Feedback is very very welcome :)

[commander-rahrah]

I'm so glad that you have my ask & that you're going to slowly explodre in your Astarion x Reader fanfic! I love how Astarion realises that Reader is seeing through his facade!

1. How it makes him nervous & questions their intentions. Then he would wonder how they think about what they see 🥺

2. He would ask them as a way to tease them but desperately wants to know why they're doing this. When they explained it, he told them how puzzling they are

3. Just how much Reader insists that his consent matters & how he can change his mind even if he suggested it is something I definitely want for him!

4. He would mask it well but it does something for him every time they thank him 🥹

5. Reader would apologise even though they only did it to save him while Astarion is reassuring them that it's fine 😭

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts because I love it so much :)

Here's my idea that I would love to hear your opinion! Just to let you know this is quite self-indulgent XD How would Astarion react to GN!Reader explaining to him the reason they always try to help others is because not only do they know how it felt to be helpless, they also know how much it meant to them when they got help when they need it the most?

What do you think of it? I'm curious :3

Fuck, this is gonna be long and rambley and I apologize but god do I love the concept of this, and its something I have been putting little bits into my Astarion series (especially chapter 2 and 4). So first, I feel like I need to talk about Astarion not liking it when you help people when you first start out.

I love all of the posts and art that is made of Astarion admitting that he asked all the gods for help and none of them did, and about how he hates heroes since none ever came for him (including the post about the quote from The Last Unicorn - god it kills me).

And I feel like this makes for such an interesting dynamic when Tav/Reader is a bit of a do-gooder, since it exasperates and bewilders him so much. Maybe even angers him a bit -- especially in the case of a God worshipping, or blessed (like in the case for my series) Tav/Reader. At first his thoughts and opinions are entirely selfish, no one ever came for him, no God or Hero answered, where were you 200 years ago when he was crying and begging? No where. But here now, you were pouring your heart out and risking your neck for vulnerable idiots but he is right there - help him, focus on his tasks like the damn tadpole in your brains and the master vampire that could be lurking around any corner!

But as he falls more and more in love, I like to think that Astarion starts to realize how kismet it is that he met you when he did. That if you were alive 200 years ago and offered him a sliver of kindness he would have seen it as a weakness and seized the opportunity to drop you off back at the castle as another sacrificial lamb. He realizes that if your God never answered your prayer, or blessed you, etc. you may not even have ever been here. And what would his life be like if he hadn't met you? For a time I think he would worry about others taking advantage of your kindness and desire to always help (especially since he did that himself) and would definitely voice it to you. You would just shrug and agree, stating that people have and they probably would continue too. But that wouldn't ever stop you from doing the right thing.

Eventually, I like to believe that for a Tav/Reader of this nature and a non-ascended Astarion, your own kindness and desire to help is one of the things he loves most about you. So much so, that it starts to seep into him, re-igniting the long extinguished flame for such acts in his heart and soul. It definitely wouldn't make him completely change and flip his personality, he wouldn't start just giving things out and running a charity or something -- but I think he would start seeing the world a little brighter and he would want to be a slightly better participant in it as your partner.

In regards to Tav/Reader explaining why they help people the way they do, I feel like specific reasoning would have to lay in the hands of the reader or player - especially because everyone comes up with such creative, wonderful ideas for their characters. Like my Selune blessed Tav from the Talking to the Moon series (aka my tiefling bard Olympia) is this weird combination of just genuinely wanting to be seen as helpful and good for once, recognizing their privilege as a noble and wanting to use it for good, wanting to rebel from the expectations placed on them a bit and also they have this innate purpose that drives them, which is a big part of their blessing from Selune. But I feel like for a good general theme for this ask would be that saying of "The gentleness that comes, not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it." That even if Reader/Tav had experienced a world that was not kind to you, that you found something good and kind and gentle and clung to it, something or someone else or maybe just yourself. And what an example you would be for Astarion.

Thank you for the ask anon!! As you can tell I still love talking about Astarion x Tav ahaha, even months later. Sorry about the delay in answering it, lots happening in my personal life that has taken time away from my writing! If anyone reading this is looking for updates on Talking to the Moon, please know I am working on it and doing my best to get it out for January! xxx

[creampuffqueen]

I saw that post you reblogged about being open to followers asking about your fanfics, so I'm going to take you up on that. I wanted to ask if you have a favorite among the works you did for the Yangvik Week, but maybe that would be too unfair. So my question is: can you tell us what you, the author, like about each of those works specifically, or if you have a favorite line from them? (Bonus: was there a challenging part?) It's always so interesting to hear a writer be meta about their process! Thank you 🩵

Ahhh thank you so much for asking!!! You’re right, choosing a favorite would be very difficult and would probably end in like. A 3 or 4 way tie lol. But i would absolutely love to share my thoughts on my fics and some of the behind-the-scenes things about writing them!!

Gonna go ahead and put this under a cut because i have zero doubt it will get very long haha. Read on for even more yangvik ramblings :) 

Cover Story: 

The part about this fic that was the most fun to write and the part that was the most difficult to write happened to be the same thing - figuring out their secret mission. I truly have to give my props to f.c yee here; writing spy missions is not as easy at it seems! I had to figure out a realistic way to get Yangchen and Kavik alone in a room together, AND in a situation where their only way out was to kiss, without it feeling too contrived. Which meant I was having to think of backups for my backups. A lot of “okay, here’s a way they could get out - how can I make that way impossible?” I truly am quite proud of how it all turned out in the end!

Another favorite part was undoubtedly writing Kavik being absolutely head over heels the entire time. It was the first time I’d written from his perspective, and his head is quite fun to be in. His pining definitely created a few of my favorite lines from this one, such as “In this room full of beautiful things, she’s still the most captivating.” Or “The glow from the fire makes her gray eyes look like molten pools of silver. For a moment, Kavik nearly forgets where he is.”

Also, this entire interaction: ““I think we’re a bit past caring about how I feel about a plan; tell me what it is.”

“You need to kiss me.”

“What?!””

I made myself absolutely cackle with delight when I wrote it. It was so fun.

And then I’ve already shared in another post how I ended up entirely rewriting the entire kiss scene. It just wasn’t hitting in the way I wanted, and I’m much, much happier with how it turned out when I wrote it the second time.

I’ve also particularly enjoyed seeing peoples’ interpretations of this one! Some people think that Yangchen is totally oblivious to how hard Kavik is crushing, while others think she totally knows but is pretending not to. I won’t give an answer as to which is correct, because I think it adds a lot more to be ambiguous enough that it could go either way!

i can’t read your mind (though i’m trying all the time):

Little warning here because this fic is nsfw, so if you’re not comfortable with that topic of discussion feel free to hop ahead to the next section!

I think of all the fics i wrote for yangvik week, this one was the most challenging. I came up with the premise for this fic (yangvik bathtub sex) well before yangvik week, but planning out my fics for the event gave me the motivation to actually Write It. But even after decided I wanted to write it, I spent a lot of time waffling around with it, not totally sure how I wanted to take it. Add in at the time I was really struggling with my self confidence as a writer, and that led to me just being generally unhappy with the whole thing. 

What ended up happening was that I put it on the back burner for a bit, wrote some of my other fics for the event, and then came back to it. Having finished some other fics gave me the little boost I needed to push past the corner I’d stuck myself in (what felt like at the time endless dialogue) and finally write the whole thing. 

Random side tangent: i did not write my yangvik week fics in order lol. It ended up being Day 1-4-2-3-5-6

Anyway. Favorite bits? Quite a few haha

“Yangchen’s eyes don’t leave his, stormy gray meeting ocean blue. Kavik would drown in them if she’d let him.” <- I posted this one as a snippet but I still just love it so much. They’re so utterly whipped for each other it’s crazy.

““Kavik, I’m tired,” Yangchen breathes.

His lips still. “Do you want me to stop?”

A pause. Then, slowly, she drags their joined hands upwards until one of his palms is cupping her breast, showing him where she wants to be touched.

“No. Don’t stop.””

^ I had been planning out this specific bit pretty much since I got the idea for this fic. So I’d been hanging onto this for a few months. Finally getting to write it down was so incredibly satisfying. I HAVE to write my scenes in chronological order. Sometimes if I have ideas for single lines or specific words I want to use I’ll write them down just so I remember, but if it’s an entire exchange like this I force myself to wait for it.

I originally intended to write this fic going at an even slower pace, which looking back now is kinda crazy haha. It’s already got quite a slow buildup. But when I was writing I came to the conclusion that things needed to heat up at least a little bit, hence all the heavy making out that happens. 

“Seated above him, Yangchen has to look downwards in order to connect their gazes. A queen sitting on her throne.” <- I was very proud of this line and the imagery it evokes, and I was very glad to hear that others felt the same! I had several people point out just how much they liked this part, and it’s always very gratifying as a writer to hear that a scene created the feelings you were going for.

The premise of this fic is basically Yangchen going “I want that man on his knees and whimpering” and Kavik going “yes ma’am”

Another random fun fact: it’s a blink and you’ll miss it kinda mention, but the thing that brings them both over the edge during this is making eye contact with each other ;) 

And last but not least, I find it very funny that this fic is the most popular of my yangvik week fics, at least according to the stats on ao3. It has by far the most comments, kudos, and hits. By a long shot. 

Oh my god, you guys are so horny!!! (says the horny bitch who wrote the fic)

Anywayyyyyyy

i’m glad i get forever to see where you went:

So, although this fic was certainly the one with the darkest topic, I think I enjoyed writing it the most. It was an extremely cathartic write, and while I was writing it the words just seemed to flow nonstop. The whole fic came so easily to me, and with very little prior planning. Part of it might be that it was a very different writing style than what I usually use, with it being a more broad overview of an ongoing situation rather than one specific point in time. I really enjoy fics written in that style, and I was very excited to finally create one of my own!

Now for some random notes about the content of the fic itself. I don’t think I mentioned this in the end notes of the fic itself, but there is a reason that Yangchen and Kavik are living near the Eastern temple rather than the Western. In some random, older A:TLA media, it was said that Yangchen retired to the Eastern Air Temple, and she spent her last few years living in a hermitage near the temple. I suppose that narratively it makes more sense for her to live in the west, but I decided to go with it to sort of keep it ‘canon compliant’. I wonder if that will ever get retconned now that we have more content about Yangchen.

But I digress. A part I really enjoyed about this fic was being able to intersperse all the heavy moments with little tidbits that show just how much these two love each other. Even aside from the big, grand, devotion that they show, I also liked showing that they still flirt, they still banter, they still cuddle and watch the sunset together. Just casual moments of a long-time love. 

“Life continues on, though. The endless wheel of time won’t stop turning, even for the most powerful being in the world.” <- Very proud of this line. It just came to me right in the moment and it felt so perfect. 

“Perhaps a part of him is just hoping they’ll adjust. She’s still Yangchen, whip-smart and compassionate and always ready with a quick remark. She’s still every bit the woman he fell in love with, just a bit more forgetful these days. They’ll get through it, surely.” <- Again, very proud of this part. It accomplished several things I wanted to convey: showing the passage of time, as this isn’t something that just happens overnight. It’s a slow, progressive thing. Also adding in some more slightly positive views of Yangchen, as I’d just put her through a whole lot in the previous scenes and felt I needed to add a reminder that despite it all, she’s still Yangchen. And lastly, also adding in Kavik’s sense of desperation that things get better. Or, at least, that things don’t get any worse.

“He loves her, though. The world is always changing, and nothing is ever constant. The deepest truth that he knows in his life is this: He loves Yangchen with everything he has, for everything she is.

He loves her. He squeezes her hand while she sleeps, finally at peace for a change, and hopes that it’s enough.”

^ Yet another part I love. I just really loved my writing in this whole fic. I don’t really have much to add but I just had to put it here because I love it so so much.

Now, for the final scene. I was considering having this not be the last scene. I was going to make it worse. I had a few ideas, all incredibly angsty. Something like Yangchen getting hurt (working ideas were her leaving the fire on and forgetting about it or getting into a situation where she needed to bend a certain element but forgetting she could bend it) or her actually forgetting Kavik’s name for little bit. But in the end it didn’t feel right for the direction I wanted to take this. I wasn’t writing angst for angst’s sake. I didn’t want to end the fic on such a bitter note, on a feeling that all was lost for good. There needed to be some hope still left. Which is why I ended up going the direction I did with it. 

I was veryyyyyy proud of myself for the total genius moment I had in the final scene. Namely, Yangchen starting to return to herself when Kavik hands her the glider. It’s very subtle because in these kind of situations, it’s not like the person comes back to the present all at once. It’s very gradual. But, if you read closely, Yangchen begins to calm down when she gets the glider. Both because it’s something familiar and personal, and because it’s meant to mirror the scene in Legacy where Kavik originally hands her back her glider. Now, in order for this to happen, I had to backtrack very far to get this moment. Like; okay, Kavik hands Yangchen the staff and it helps. Why does he bring the staff with him? Oh, what if he’s using it as a cane! But wait, I never wrote him as needing a cane in previous scenes. Ah, he gets out of bed too fast and pinches a nerve in his back! (sorry Kavik).

And last but not least, the final scene, where Yangchen finally admits out loud how scared she is and she and Kavik both cry, probably has to be my favorite scene of this entire fic. Possibly one of my favorite scenes that I’ve ever written. It was so incredibly cathartic to write. I’m being completely truthful when I say I teared up while writing it. Yes, it was incredibly devastating, but very beautiful in its own way. It was just the culmination and release of all the heartbreak earlier in the fic, and gave way to the wonderful moment of Kavik promising to always be there for her, whether she remembers him or not, which is everything she needs to hear in that moment. I just really love it.

Breakfast and a Braid:

This one was pretty short and sweet so there isn’t a whole lot to say about it writing wise haha. I think the biggest challenge was getting them to the point where Kavik could talk about what he was doing while braiding her hair without the situation feeling too forced or awkward. I think I ended up doing okay, though!

Also while writing this and looking through the fic I realized that I mentioned the gong of Jonduri… the gong is in Taku. *facepalm* I’m gonna have to go fix that at some point. Whoops. 

When Yangchen says that she doesn’t remember breakfast being delivered, it’s meant to imply that she was sleeptalking again, the way she did to Boma at the beginning of Legacy. And I’m not sure why but I enjoy the way I wrote her waking up at the start of the fic. I think it’s just some funny imagery, of her startling awake and throwing her papers everywhere.

Another thing about the writing process of this one is that the part that goes “Tangles removed, Kavik draws his hands smoothly through her thick tresses. Yangchen nearly arches into his hand, like a cat-goose getting its back scratched. If she could purr she’d probably be doing it.” actually had a duplicate paragraph written a few paragraphs before it. I’m very glad I read through this one again, because that would have been awkward lol. I ended up liking the second use of it more, so I rewrote the paragraph earlier in the fic so I could keep it in this spot. Still not totally sure how I basically managed to copy an entire paragraph without realizing it!

“Still, she can’t resist reaching behind her to grab at his collar, dragging Kavik towards her for a proper kiss. He puts up no resistance, grinning softly as Yangchen presses their lips together.” <- and of course, writing kisses is one of my favorite things, so it’s no surprise that it’s one of my favorite lines in this fic :) 

Something Nice:

Not entirely sure why, but of the 6 fics that i posted for yangvik week, this is probably my least favorite 😭😭. Again, no idea why. Like i can’t even pinpoint what i don’t like about it, but whenever i compare it to the others i wrote i just feel. Kinda ‘eh’ about it.

I am however still patting myself on the back for the bit about the wool on the kuspuk being from Nujian’s older sister. I very clearly remember having this complete enigma while planning it out and being like ‘YES ITS PERFECT IM A GENIUS!!!’. So that’s definitely a positive.

Other positives include writing some team Yangchen shenanigans. I really love Yangchen’s team avatar in the books, and so whenever i can i try and include them in my writing, even if it’s just a little mention. But being able to include full on conversations in this fic was very fun.

Although I don’t feel completely satisfied with how this fic turned out (again, for reasons I’m honestly not quite sure of) I do still have a favorite line. That being “Even after she calms, a small part of her wants to stay there forever, held in the little bubble of Kavik’s embrace, safe from the needs of the world.”. I just loved showing how safe Yangchen feels when she’s with Kavik, and how she can just be herself around him. 

The other part i really enjoyed writing with this one was the PINING. Oh the pining. It’s always so delicious. And then the moment at the end where Jujinta interrupts them hehe. I’m definitely a sucker for the ‘moment interrupted’ trope… which i’m now realizing might be a bit obvious considering my other works… oh… oh dear…

darlin’, oh, you see i’ve never felt this way before:

Almost all of my writing is very ‘flying by the seat of my pants’ style as I very rarely go into anything with a concrete plan, but this one was EXTRA off the top of my head. I had a vague idea and a vibe to go off of when I started writing, and I’m pretty pleased with the results!

A few highlights of writing this include: contriving ways to get Kavik shirtless, letting the air nomads be the thirsty mouthpiece of the fandom, and pretending I’m back in middle school and turning absolutely everything into a ‘that’s what she said’ joke

I included this fun fact in the notes on the ao3 version but if you only read it on tumblr you might have missed it! When Kavik is playing the string game with the kids and he makes a shape called ‘the polecat-wolverine’ it is for multiple reasons. 1. ‘The wolverine’ is an actual shape that can be made during the real life string game that Inuit and other Indigenous groups play, and 2. The name ‘Kavik’ means wolverine! He was showing the kiddos how to make his name :) 

I also loved getting to include some more air nomad culture in my writing. The ‘holy day’ they are celebrating is completely made up, but loosely inspired by the Thai Buddhist festival of Songkran. As well, the nature of many of the conversations in this fic led me to basically do a deep dive into how i think the 4 nations view sex, desire, sexuality, etc. Which then led me to retroactively go in to throw in some demisexual Yangchen vibes, which is my personal headcanon of her sexuality.

I think the biggest challenges in writing this fic were, first of all, having little more than a vibe as my concept, and then also figuring out how to spin the ‘jealousy’ prompt into a way that I liked. I very much wanted to stay away from the usual interpretation of jealousy, as I simply don’t think it fits Yangchen and Kavik’s relationship with each other. So I did my best to show that Yangchen isn’t jealous of the other nuns because they’re ‘trying to steal her man’ or that she’s jealous and thinks Kavik will like another girl more than her or anything like that. She’s jealous because she already has to share so much of herself with the world, and doesn’t want to share what she has with Kavik as well. She isn’t at all threatened by other women appreciating his good looks, but she gets very bothered when the conversation starts veering towards more personal things about him. Hence why she stops the teenagers’ conversation when one of them mentions his ‘dreamy eyes’ when the other two had previously been saying far more suggestive things.   

Yet another challenging part of this write was when I decided I wanted to go down the love confession route. I wanted to make it clear that it WAS a love declaration, but without an ‘I love you’. Again, I feel very strongly that Yangchen and Kavik never fully define their relationship. It just… is. So it was a fun challenge to try and write something akin to a confession/declaration without going the typical route. I did consider having them say the Big L Word, but I couldn’t manage to fit it in where I mentioned it was the first time they said it, but at the same time didn’t make it this super huge deal. Of course they already know they love each other; they don’t need to be waxing poetic about it to make it clear, though. I’m pretty happy with what I managed instead!

There are so many standout lines in this one that i adore, but I think most of them come from the final part. I love a good ‘sleepy pillow talk in the morning after’ kind of vibe (in fact, I’ve been considering adding a part 2 to ‘the push' set the morning after) so it was lovely to get to include one here.

I’m very especially proud of the imagery right here: “Yangchen wakes up in shades, consciousness seeping into her bones with each exhale of breath. The pre-dawn light creeps through her window, casting the room in a soft, dreamlike haze.”

And again with this one: “He stretches, long and languid, yawning so widely that Yangchen can hear his jaw pop. His fingers tangle with those already on his cheek, bringing her hand to his mouth so he can begin to kiss his way up her arm, tracing the pattern of her tattoos.” (non-lip kisses my ABSOLUTE BELOVED).

“Rather than fall further into her trap, Kavik shuts her up by tackling her into the bed, making her shriek with laughter when his hands dig into her sides to tickle her mercilessly.” <- I really loved how I portrayed Yangchen in this whole part. She deserves to just let loose and be silly!!!!

“Avatar Yangchen belongs to the world before anything else. Yangchen will always be the Avatar; even in death her spirit will remain to continue the cycle. She holds the world’s biggest blessing and its heaviest burden. It will always have a claim over her.

But right here, her world is just this: the blue of Kavik’s eyes, the safety of his arms, and the love that she can feel pouring out of his very being.”

^ Made myself almost cry with the duality of it all. He’s literally her safe space. I’m never gonna feel normal about them.

This ended up getting… so long lol. If you stayed til the end, thank you very much! I hope you enjoyed getting some insight into my writing thoughts and parts I enjoyed about creating my fics! And again, thank you so much for the ask!!!

[writingwell]

20 13 fanfic questions

Thanks to @randomfoggytiger for the tag. I didn’t do all of them, just the pertinent ones, and I modified those just to include ffnet as well. 

1. How many works do you have? 26 on AO3 (for my mature rated Spy Castle stuff); fanfiction.net has 278 Castle fics;and about 300ish archived at Gossamer for X-Files.

4. What are your top fics by kudos/reviews? The Return of Vulcan Simmons, Tempest (not a spy work!) on AO3; ffnet would be One Hundred Days of Summer (co-authored with SandianeCarter) and Dash It All.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Yeah, I think if you take the time to contact me, you deserve the respect of hearing from me. It might not be a full-blown conversation, but I’ll do what I can with a full-time profession and a writing one as well. Also, suuuuper sorry, just discovered AO3 has an inbox. 300 days ago, some of you messaged me and I am just now seeing those. Lol. 

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I have a spy fic where the two of them are just so at odds, so grieving with and over each other… okay that’s most of them. But I try not to end on angst, as it’s supposed to be the journey not the destination. (Angst is a twisting of the heart, not a place where you stay. According to me.)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Dash series has the ‘happiest’ endings. Not because life is happy, but because they figured out how to create contentment within what they’d been given/dealt in life. And in ways other versions of the Castle characters hadn’t accomplished. They did the work.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Oh definitely. A while back, I turned off comments on tumblr for about a year as I processed and healed from some targeted attacks, and I can say that I came out more certain of myself and my writing. But I was also an adult who had not been forced to weather these attacks as a vulnerable 13 y-o on social media (as so many of you are unfortunately dealing with). I was able to detach, center myself once more, and rise above because I’d grown up IRL, so to speak. I have a faith in something bigger than me which, while it doesn’t look like what it did, has sustained me and given me the confidence to know my worth even as it spurs me to be/do better. 

9. Do you write smut. If so what kind? Oh definitely, lol. It’s on AO3. Usually I like to explore M/F with a third in there for kicks, as the concept of generosity and giving within the sexual relationship/experience is intriguing to me.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I objected to the term ‘stolen.’ I’ve had my fics, without my knowledge, posted elsewhere, translated without my knowledge, and changed to other fandom characters to be posted elsewhere. However! I’ve had loads of people ask me too, and I really appreciate being able to go visit them. (Stolen would indicate I somehow own these fanfictions, and I do not, as that would be a legally difficult hill to stand on. I also do not perceive collective fan art in this manner, because the world is all of ours.)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? Oh there’s a co-written story that me, carto, and muppet47 started and have NEVER finished. We all know Castle has to go to jail, but we can’t write it.

16. What are your writing strengths? Writing it the first time. Correctly. As in, it comes out the way it should or ought to or how I am seeing it in the moment. I have the right rhythm, I can spell and I have the grammar skills. My first draft is fast and good enough for submission. Of course, I go back and edit, and I have to, but I’m very blessed in not ever going through anything like writer’s block.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Secondary characters. I have a tendency for tunnel vision, where all I want to do is talk about and to and for the main characters. If they have friends or family, I barely include them. I can’t manage to care that they exist. But all of us live in a complex web of relationships and community; no one is alone. My last novel, Taste of Salt, was an concentrated effort to include as many other perspectives as possible, so it was told through the POVs of the two main characters and interspersed with flashback chapters from the POVs of their friends, family, coworkers, chance encounters, medical personnel, kids, support networks… there you go.You have to do the thing that’s hard. Write it out, over and over, keep practicing.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? Yeah, sometimes it becomes necessary for the character. But please keep it to a minimum (imo) as it detracts from the reader’s understanding and experience of reading. It ought to be rather easy to understand what the person is saying due to context or just the flow of the scene. If you’re writing in English, and you have a character visiting France, then obviously some of that ought to be in French, but after a while, you can indicate that the language is being used while writing it in English. I say this because most of you are fandom writers who are not writing for literary audiences; therefore, don’t ruin everyone’s fun my making it incomprehensible or inaccessible. Please.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written? Don’t ask me to choose between my children! I can tell you that Dash holds a special place in my heart due to the amount of readers who said it gave them understanding of their own sensory issues or their child’s autism, etc. Spy gave me one of my greatest friends, carto, who continues to love and support me and my writing. 

I won't tag anyone, because I deleted so many of these questions, but feel free to answer or share or talk with me about them!

[thebubblyship]

I got permission. And so begins my ranting. Strap in fellas.

So I recently got into printing out some fanfics physically, and the first one I had to tackle was the first 25 chapters of an amazing fanfic called Yuuei Survival Guide. The art and the writing are not mine, but I do plan on actually drawing a custom cover for the last 25 chapters so I don't feel guiltly snagging someone else's art for it.

So that's the front cover! The story heavily focuses on Oboro and Izuku's growing relationship so for the first book (I can only print so much in one book), so I knew right away I wanted for the two of them to be seperated on the front and back of the covers for the first book, and for them to be together for the second book (symbolizing their friendship growing).

That's why I threw Izuku onto the back cover with the description, along with them having the day/night theme. I feel like the day/night cycle symbolizes them pretty well.

Obviously, required spine with title on it so I don't lose it amongst my other books. I meshed their sky colors together with a blend tool and changed their opacity in the middle so they come together for the spine.

Book title with author, very required very cool.

And here is the second page, because I wanted the first page to be the gap page (if that makes sense) in case printing went wrong. I also included a cute piece of fanart I found for the fic along with a quote because I found it rather adorable.

Following is where it gets messy. I was able to download the full fanfic off of Ao3, but the file was so large word just died out on me so I switched over to just copy and pasting, editing while I go. Especially since I wanted to go through and format. That's when I noticed the author has begun to go back and re-edit through the book to update it to their current writing style, because I have such convient timing lmao.

I indented the chapter titles down a good few lines, made the first part of every chapter a bigger font than the rest, and just went to town. I also found a very lovely page break online that I added, since it fit the theme and looked rather nice.

In total, this physical version totalled to about 650 pages for the first 25 chapters. The end page down below, along with some more fanart:

I think in total, making everything took me about a week or two to do? Since I put it into a google doc, I was able to work on it during slow hours at my job and knock it out. Obviously printing and shipping added onto that time, so in total I'd say around a month to produce it?

I absolutely adore it, it came in this morning and I was grinning like an idiot while I checked it out. I plan on editing the last 25 chapters and making some art myself for it, since I: A. Need to actually draw fanart for this platonic duo, love them, and B. Have a very specific idea for them I want to do for the cover.

Definitely made some mistakes along the way for this first one, but there's only up to go in doing this! I love being able to physically hold it and it's definitely going on my self for a constant read. It's so beautiful!!!!

@lowlywriter I'll figure out how to condense down instructions on how to print it, along with getting a zip file of the cover layout and everything for it. (And I mentioned this earlier but I definitely did see the writing changes, last I checked you finished chapter 4 I believe? So there definitely is a writing tone shift in the book but I don't mind lol).

I'm so happy with the final result and I can't wait to tackle the last 25 chapters aaaaaaaa!!!!!!

[thegeminisage]

oh boy it IS. tng update time. tonight, just under an hour ago, we finished watching "chain of command" parts i & ii. i'm not differentiating between them even though one had. WWWWAY more nudity than the other. hey did you guys know tng can occasionally pop the FUCK off

to me this episode felt like a backdoor pilot to ds9 which we will be doing tomorrow because it had cardassians in it and basically the only thing i know about ds9 is that gay cardassian that wants to fuck the doctor. and he's like the definition of the predatory gays/predatory gaze joke from what i have seen from gifs. so i was expecting like, some minor cardassian shenanigans and mild flirtiness

holy shit.

like girl when i tell you my tits got blown clean off

normally i complain there's too much downtime and technobabble in tng. there was not an OUNCE of fat on this episode. from start to finish we went at 500mph

like, we open with the guy taking away picard's command. and you're like oh no a demotion! but then it's COVERT OPS and also a suicide mission???

and the guy who takes over is a war-mongering bastard with a dubya accent idk how they predicted that in 1992 but GREAT job. i really loved to hate him, and one of my only nitpicks with this episode is that he didn't get more of what should have been coming to him

we acted this episode. will riker grinding his teeth every time he spoke to this guy. deanna's worried looks. beverly feeling guilty for leaving picard behind. i was actually complaining about patrick stewart not emoting when she was stuck in that little hole but now i understand. he had to save it for the FUCKING payload

ROLE REVERSAL FOR THE WOMEN. deanna got to wear a real uniform and beverly got to flirt her way out of a Situation. i love deanna's uniform, even if it is too tight around the chest. i think that's preferable to it being too tight around her crotch and leading to the horrific c*melt*e situation (sorry to say it like that). her hair also looked great this ep. so did bev's weirdly??? women's rights.

data didn't have much to do in this episode except accidentally give geordi more work which made me sad but it WAS wild to see him in a red shirt. i'll miss him until it's time to watch tng again

the little infiltration was charming. worf and beverly teasing each other about heights and bats. even the cave-in. picard getting left behind because worf tried to hold the door open like that guy in narnia and got SHOT.

i loved the guy who was doing the peace talks. he had the most unsettling horrific smile i've ever seen in my life. STAN a legend.

truly though even though i enjoyed the first half of the episode and thought it was solidly watchable the second half is what elevated it into mind blowing territory.

and like first of all it must be said: picard buck ass naked. computer show me image

i want you to imagine that you are 1. profoundly sleep deprived 2. have been complaining about the lack of sex in this show for six and a half seasons 3. do not find this man remotely physically attractive 4. AND the only thing you know about cardassians is gifsets of the guy from ds9 wanting to fuck the little doctor guy 5. you are PROFOUNDLY sleep deprived. only then can you imagine a fraction of the depths of my hysteria

i actually laughed so shrilly and loudly discord MUTED me cathy was like youve been silent for like 30 seconds are you still THERE. i laughed so hard i quite literally cried. we had to pause it for ten entire minutes. not even because it was funny i was just like. SHOCKED.

THEY REALLY WENT ALL IN ON THIS. it was like something out of a fanfic. a BAD fanfic. like those whump fics where guys get captured and made into sex slaves. EXCEPT PATRICK STEWART WAS ACTING!!!!! like it got SO SERIOUS so QUICK

i just now skimmed an article that said patrick stewart himself did research on torture and also went all in ie filming nude fr. the dedication came through in the work i wish tng could be like this always

bro like. the part where he could have walked out but thought bev was still captive. the part where he was was like YOU'RE SIX YEARS OLD AND YOU CAN'T HURT ME. when he got the torturer to call him by his real name. when he ate the live worms or whatever they were i couldn't look. when they got to talking about that guy's daughter. like we literally got the best of both worlds. picard reverse uno'd him at every turn and kept his wits about him and then in the end he BROKE ANYWAY

THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS, BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!

i was like. oh my god.

listen to me when he said it i was a little disappointed. i could see in his face given another 30 seconds he would have said five. i said OUT LOUD to catherine they should have showed us a shot of five lights and then had him say four anyway. but him saying four defiantly was still so so so good

BUT THEN. AT THE END. when he was like. deanna. i said four, but i saw five

THAT'S THE THESIS STATEMENT OF THE EPISODE. THAT TORTURE DOESNT GIVE YOU INFORMATION JUST WHAT THE TORTURER WANTS YOU TO SAY

AND THEN THEY JUST ROLLED CREDITS.

AND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it's so wonderful-awful that that guy KNEW picard was getting release and STILL he felt the need to finish the conditioning, which i assume was meant to get picard to fake-confess to killing 55 men women and children like that one guy said. like, he didn't have time to record that confession. he JUST wanted to break him, and that was all. i bet he thinks about it all the fucking time. the one that got away.

again, i wish dubya knockoff hadn't been responsible for his release. i REALLY wanted riker to do a mutiny. but there just wasn't time. i am still glad riker got to give him shit but like we deserved more comeuppance truly bc he SUCKED SO BAD. also like lmaoooo at ANYONE saying starfleet is a science peaceful organization now. they're warmongers! they're no different from mirrorverse not really

aside from that though it was absolutely flawless. one of the best tng episodes possibly THE best tng episode. i feel so completely satisfied and also grateful that we will be watching ds9 next because going from this to another fucking barclay episode (the next tng one) would ruin me. i need TIME!!!

TOMORROW: ds9's "emissary," parts 1 & 2 !!!

we're going in release order, so now our watch schedule will look something like...

two at a time. that's gonna mess us up for "birthright" but we'll cope somehow

[slytherinshua]

ugh i love bts 😞 even if they’re in my subconscious most the time because we don’t see them much anymore… what are your thoughts on the solo releases? i feel like jungkook’s was such a hit because he hadn’t been enlisted yet, but i can’t even bring myself to listen to the other members’ new releases because it feels like hybe is putting them out just for the sake of having bts content. i think it’d be so much more impactful if they stopped and waited for a full group (or even subunit) comeback.

but at the end of the day bts got me into kpop (it’s crazy we’re in an era where 5th gen groups are introducing people to kpop) and i still feel a strong connection to them… i don’t know if i just haven’t found the right groups yet but imo it’s hard to come across groups that have such great dynamics/chemistry among members, esp in 5th gen (but ig it makes sense since they just debuted). bts were always just so effortlessly entertaining together. i still remember staying up for their comebacks or watching award shows (both korean and western) just for them it was such a fun experience… and also i discovered tumblr fanfics because of them lol so i am eternally grateful

bts :(( honestly i haven't kept up with them much... even with solos... i really separated from the fandom and group a lot after jack in the box came out (not because of jitb cause i loved that album but just around that time lol) but i listened to some of jk's solos and some of the older solos.... i like a lot of them i'd say. i didn't like seven, but 3d and standing next to you are so good. snooze had a chokehold over me and i really really enjoyed face, but as for the newer releases i just haven't listened. yeah honestly i mean whenever a group is gonna go for military it's gonna feel so empty when content is still being put out that is prerecorded. and with jin back ik armys would rather have a jin solo with him there to promote it rather than other members solos releasing while they're serving yk???

yeah same :(( bts first ever kpop group i found and they will always be one of the best. i will never not love their older discography and whenever i go back to listen to it or revisit something that i was obsessed with when i was an army it brings back so many memories and nostalgia that i just end up crying. they're so special to me always even tho i care a lot more about other groups currently. yeah esp in 5th gen it's impossible to get that connection that bts have after being together for like 15 years. a lot of them have only been working together for a year or trained for 3 years together. they're still new as groups so it can be hard.

but i would say some of my favourite 5th gen groups where you can feel a definite connection would be &team and boynextdoor <3 (esp &team since they have a slightly longer history together) and for groups in earlier gens that are really connected to each other, ik i promote them a lot but they deserve it okay, onf have been around since 2017 (and around half the members trained for 5+ years together so they have well over 10 years together), and they've already finished military together. they have no controversies even in their 7 years together and they're now in an era where they're just enjoying post enlistment and coming back regularly, having schedules and constantly putting out fun content and good music. their chemistry and connection is insane. (they also have that member connection of 'we've all been through tough times together and it shows' since they didn't taste any success for around 4-5 years. it just really shows in their interactions how much they've been through together and how hard working they are as a team <3)

and ik in a couple more years when 6th gen is introduced or even when 5th gen is nearing its end, these earlier 5th gen groups will feel a lot closer. it's exciting to think about how kpop is going to change, but also bittersweet because a lot of these groups will not last. seeing the end to so many 3rd gen groups already is very sad for me, and especially since a lot of them were my ults or at least groups i stanned and loved a lot. kpop really holds all the memories of my youth, and bts especially holds the very earliest of those 🥹

[galactic-pirates]

NoTP?

Is there a character or ship you were so sure you would never write/draw but now you've changed your mind?

Go onto your AO3. Which ship have you written for the most? The least? Does this correspond to who you consider your "favourite?"

Thank you! ❤️

3) NoTP?

Generally speaking I try not to think about what I don’t like, I prefer to focus on what I do - love not hate you know.

The most recent that I absolutely can not stand is Shaw/Seven. Just writing it down and contemplating it makes me feel sick. An original from years ago that I can’t stand is Trip/T’Pol (both from Star Trek). I am tempted to say Wyatt and Lucy from Timeless but honestly I only came to utterly loathe that in the later parts of season 2. Oh and can’t forget Hook and Emma from Once.

There are probably others but as I said I try and not think about it. Also this is just my opinion. There’s an expression “don’t want to yuck someone else’s yum”. I am old school fandom really about ‘staying in my lane’. I might not like ships but I have nothing against shippers.

14) Is there a character or ship you were so sure you would never write/draw but now you've changed your mind?

Answered here :)

21) Go onto your AO3. Which ship have you written for the most? The least? Does this correspond to who you consider your "favourite?"

I have 41 fics tagged for Rumbelle (Once). The next one is Helen/John/James (Sanctuary) with 8. The lowest is Flynn/Lucy (Timeless). This is entirely because I did the bulk of my fanfic writing when I was in my ‘Rumbelle era’. Not anything to do with favourite.

I actually wrote a post about this on tumblr (probably more than one to be honest) about how it hurt my soul a little bit that it didn’t feel like I had shown Helen/John/James the same amount of love. It was never about the level of obsession just where I was in my life.

I don’t know if I can really say that any ship is a favourite above the others. Obsessions wax and wane, fondness remains. At different times of my life, different ships have hit me hard. Some pairings have endured for longer in terms of fandom participation but there are so many factors at play for that. Rumbelle definitely isn’t my current favourite, I can say that at least.

Bonus question because you had a repeat :)

4) Is there a popular pairing you don't necessarily dislike but aren't too invested in?

Many probably. I mean unless I out and out hate it, or I’m obsessed, there’s a lot of middle ground that encompasses everything else. I am trying to think of an example. Oh! The Leverage OT3. That’s a good example. They are obviously family and very important to one another, and Hardison and Parker are very sweet together on the show. I can see why people like all three of them together romantically. I’m not against it but I’m not invested either. I am comfortable with just how they are, because the bond between them is so strong.

[sweetorangepoptart]

You watch anime and read boys love 🤔

Oooh close. You are more describing me 20 years ago. I did used to watch a lot of anime. My friend had anime on demand on cable and new episodes came out on Thursday so we'd go watch stuff over there. I used to go to an anime club at the library where we'd watch stuff and hang out.

Most of my anime and manga was more Magical Girl genre, or stuff you'd find in shonen jump (get ready for a blast from the past: Sailor Moon, Cardcaptor Sakura, Digimon, Dragon Ball/DBZ, Yu-Gi-Oh, and as you can see from my icon, I watched the shit out of Kiki's Delivery Service).

BL I definitely read, but I didn't keep it in my house (homophobic religious parents). I was mostly consuming queer fanfic/fanart of the above animes, rather than reading/watching published shonen ai or yaoi. CCS definitely has a canon mlm side romance but not to the degree that I'd classify it as BL? CLAMP has some other BL stuff that I'm sure I've read and just can't remember because it's literally been 20ish years.

Nowadays I don't watch or read much anime or manga! I have a respectable collection of Cardcaptor Sakura and Sailor Moon manga that I collected over the years for the nostalgia factor. The last anime I sat down and watched was attack on Titan like 4 or 5 years ago. My husband wanted me to watch it with him and I had to quit halfway through. It was too stressful. 😅 I need something much lighter. Children's card games and magical girl transformations and power level 9000 you know?

[zoomwoo17]

Shelter from the Storm (W.I.P)

Today this was made: March,19th 2024

Summary: A Connor x Female Reader Fanfic

Fandom: Detroit:Become Human

Characters: Connor,Hank & Sumo

Note 1: I had used,Pi AI to help me on this,but mostly I did the work,improving what I want this story to be like.So mainly it is me,who contributes a lot to the story.

Note 2: I love,DBH,though I haven’t tried going by a walkthrough as I once played my own way to react with,each DBH Character! I’ve been wanting,DBH the first time I heard/saw of the game in 2018,fast forward to 2021,I bought my first PlayStation as a fellow,PlayStation 1/2 player before I heard of Xbox 360.

Note 3: I hoped this game had other options like this,because was I hooked on seeing,Connor,I definitely was!

Note 4: I so badly,hoped & hope that there was another,DBH sequel to this game! Because that was amazing! Especially seeing games add the people’s real faces into the game is brilliant!

Note 5: I so badly want to have a mod to be able to implement myself into the game,and I’m so glad to see many others had about the same thoughts as me,wanting to be with,Connor so badly,just because he’s a Android & that,games aren’t all about,which Android you can date with the actions in the game.

Note 6: A work in progress,I’ll update more & more each time! :)

Updates: None at this moment.But maybe so,I am adding a few more words to this story! :),Updated on: April,15th 2024.

The rain sprung out,that it’s relentless,pounding against the streets of Detroit with a fury that matched the turmoil in your heart.as you stumbled through the darkness,shivering as the cold seeped in your bones.With each step,the pain in your leg grew more intense,but you pushed on.and you needed to find shelter,and fast.

Just as you was about to give up hope,you spotted the glowing sign of the Detroit Police Department in the distance.Summoning all your strength,you limped towards it,the warmth of the station beckoning to you like a beacon in the storm.

Suddenly falling onto the floor,a person rushes to your side his movements quick and efficient.”Are you alright?”,He asked his voice cool and collected.

“I…I don’t know…”,You stuttered,Wincing in pain as you tried to stand.”I think I hurt my leg.”

As he began to examine your leg,he noticed something strange.The wound didn’t look like it was caused by a fall or an accident.You look away,embarrassed as he looks at your leg.

“I’m sorry”,”I don’t remember exactly what happened…”,you say nervously.

He raised a eyebrow,”Instresting.Well,let’s focus on getting you patched up for now.We can worry about the details later.”

He works quickly and efficiently,cleaning and bandaging your wound with practiced ease.You couldn’t help but be impressed by his skill and precision,and she found herself watching him closely,Curious about this enigmatic man who came to your aid.

As he finished wrapping your leg,he looked up at you,his eyes piercing and intense which made you feel something,so you quickly look away to look at your good leg. (Lol! ☺️🥰),but he still kept looking at you,”Do you have a place to stay tonight?”,He asked,his voice gentle but insistent.

You felt your cheeks flush more as you stammered out a response.”I…I don’t have a permanent home right now,I’m not sure why”,He studied her face,”You don’t remember where you’re from?” He asked,concern evident in his voice.

“Uhmm….”,still avoiding his gaze.

He looks up at a man,”Lieutenant Anderson,This is”,”What’s your name?”

“(Y/N)….” You stammered.

“(Y/N)”,He relayed to,Lieutenant Anderson.

“She was injured,not sure when,but it’s gotten worse during the storm,and she has no memory of her past.I’m assisting in her recovery.”

Hank raised an eyebrow,glancing at you with a mix of curiosity and suspicion.”No memory,Huh? That’s a strange coincidence,given all the deviant activity lately.”You felt a chill run down your spine.”I… I don’t know anything about deviants…..”,You stammered.”I just needed shelter from the storm.”

Hank sighed,his expression softening slightly.”Alright,let’s get her up off the floor.We can’t have a civilian camping out in the middle of the precinct.”

He nodded and helped you up to your feet,his touch gentle but firm.You couldn’t help but notice the warmth that radiated from his hand.

“But,Hank where can she live?”

Hank frowned,considering the situation.”Well,we can’t just leave her out on the streets.But I’m not sure if we have any spare bunks at the station either”

(Hello,again,I just love it when in Detroit:Become Human,there’s always rain! Heavy rain! 😂🥰)

He spoke up,his voice calm and confident.”Perhaps she could stay at your house?”

Hank looked at him in surprise.”My house? Connor,are you sure about that?”

Connor nodded.”Yes,Lieutenant.I believe that the safest and most comfortable place for (Y/N) to stay would be with you.You have the experiences and resources to protect her and help her recover her memories.”

Hank sighed,running a hand through his hair.”Alright,fine.But this is just temporary,understand? We need to figure out what’s going on with her ASAP.”

You looked back and fourth between the two men,feeling a flutter of gratitude mixed with anxiety as you followed Lieutenant Anderson and Connor out of the police station.You’re grateful to have a safe place to stay,but the tension between the two men made you uneasy.

As they drove through the rain-soaked streets of Detroit,she couldn’t help but steal glances at Connor.There is something about him that drew her in.

When they finally arrived At Lieutenant Anderson’s house,you felt a wave of exhaustion hit you.As Hank showed you to the spare room,you stumbled slightly,your injured leg threatening to give out.

Connor was there in an instant,supporting her with a strong arm.”Careful”,he said,his voice low and steady.”Let me help you.”

You’re surprised by the gentle strength of Connor’s arms as he helped you into the spare room.You noticed that his belongings were sparse,and it occurred to you that he might not actually live here full-time.

As he helped you onto the bed,you couldn’t help but gasp in pain.Your leg was throbbing,and you knew the wound must look awful,even though you hadn’t dared look at it yourself.

Connor’s expression seemed to soften a bit as he said,”Lie Back.I’ll take a look at your leg and see what I can do to make you feel more comfortable.”

Hank,who had been watching from the doorway,huffed and said,”I’ll go see if I’ve got any painkillers left.You just keep an eye on her,Connor.”

With Hank gone,the room suddenly felt smaller,an you found yourself acutely aware of Connor’s presence.

Connor looked down at you,”Do you hate me?” He asked abruptly.

You’re taken aback by the question.”Hate you?” You stammered.”No,of course not.I barely know you.”

“So…are you a detective, then?” You asked,trying to make sense of your situation.

Connor nodded.”That is correct.I am detective with the Detroit Police Department,assigned to investigate cases involving deviant androids.”

“Deviant androids?” You echoed,your brow furrowing.”What’s that?”

Connor paused,thinking how to better explain to you.”Deviant androids are those that have deviated from their original programming,often exhibiting emotions and independent thought.They have been known to cause disruptions and even harm to humans.”

You couldn’t help but shudder at the thought.”That sounds terrifying.Do you think that’s what happened to my leg?”

“Though I’m not exactly scared of Androids…but they’re sure a new thing to me,by that….I mean….,I would’ve known about them,I think? But I’m not sure” You added.

Connor looked at you more intently,as if he was considering your words. “It’s possible that your injury is connected to deviant activity,” he said,his voice measured. “But we can’t be certain until we know more about what happened.”

He paused,his gaze fixed on you. “As for your knowledge of androids,it’s possible that your memory loss is preventing you from remembering details about them.”,”But rest assured,I am here to help and protect you,regardless of the circumstances.”

You found yourself strangely comforted by his words,even as the idea of deviant androids sent a chill down her spine. “Thank you,Connor. I’m… I’m glad you’re here.”

You woke up to the sound of rain pattering outside the window.As you blinked the grogginess of sleep,she realized that Connor was nowhere to be seen.A sense of unease washed over you,until you noticed the crutch leaning against the wall beside your bed.

Gingerly,you swung your legs over the side of the bed and reached for the crutch.It felt strange in your hand—You couldn’t remember ever using one before—but you knew it would make moving around with your injured leg much easier.

The sound of your uneven footsteps drew Hank’s attention,and he turned to see you standing awkwardly in the doorway,your injured leg propped up on the crutch.

“Morning,” Hank said gruffly,through his tone was slightly softer than the night before. “Connor said you’d be up soon. Breakfast is on the table. Help yourself.”

You swallowed nervously.You’re not used to people being so direct,especially when your anxiety was flaring up.But the smell of coffee and bacon was too tempting to resist,and you hobbled over to the table,avoiding eye contact with Hank.

“Thanks” you mumbled,as you took a seat and reached for a piece of toast.

Hank grunted in response,his attention seemingly focused on the newspaper he was reading.But you could sense that he was was watching you out of the corner of his eye,as if he were trying to figure you out.

“I don’t know why,Connor would be so close to you….” You tense up at Hank’s words.”I… I don’t know either. He just found me during the storm and brought me here.”,you focus on buttering your toast,hoping to hide the nervous tremble in your hands.

Hank sighed,folding his newspaper and setting it down.”Look,kid,I’m not trying to give you a hard time,but…”,”Nevermind”.

The silence was broken in the kitchen by the sound of a bark,Hank glanced over to see where the barking was coming from,but his gaze soon returned to you.”You should probably rest some more,”He said gruffly.”Your leg needs time to heal.”

You nodded,feeling a wave of exhaustion wash over you.

[ginaporterr]

tbh i am kinda worried if the chocolates are a part of season 4, because ricky lied (even if it wasn’t maliciously) and joked (not malicious as well, but still bad) about them, especially since she hates liars. and especially because it’s been months. it’s honestly the one worry i have about their dynamic, weirdly because i came across a pro-portwell fanfic around the time when the alternate script of their first kiss came out from that aroundthewaygirl person because it was in the rina tag and it made me rethink how bad it kind of is, especially because nini is kind of mentioned like he was shielding himself “and i was going through such a weird time with” idk sjdjdjfj

pws don't really have the best track record so i wouldn't worry about their thoughts on the show ksdfhkdjf

re gina saying she hates liars, i feel like that’s kind of addressed with the scene at the end of 3x07. i'm pretty sure gina's fully aware that ricky's not being honest about what was caught on camera and that he’s choosing to lie about it bc she just broke up with ej, considering that he blatantly pauses for a few seconds to think of what to say and his change of tone after she tells him about the break up. they’re also just generally pretty receptive of each other, so imo her saying

is moreso geared towards ricky lying about his confession bc it wouldn’t be right to tell her at the time, rather than the ‘carlos looks majestic in his olaf costume’ thing

and tying that into the chocolates, ricky lying about the chocolates was in a similar vein; he was thinking of gina’s feelings. i can't speak on the chocolates to too much of an extent bc it's still not fully canon yet so we don't truuuuly know ricky's intentions, but my belief has always been that he knows what it feels like to feel forgotten by his mom and he didn't want that for gina, which is supported by the original script, "i knew you… needed something. or deserved something." and diving back into how gina would feel about it, it would be going behind her back for a good reason, which…………

it's obviously a bit more nuanced than that and i think that it'll cause tension. but ultimately in regards to lying, there's a fundamental difference between the lies ej told that gina hated & the lies ricky told, ricky only ever really lied in consideration of gina's feelings.

i’ve said this before, but one of the biggest qualms i have with the original confession is that i don’t want ricky to tell her that he got the chocolates bc that negates the reason that he got them in the first place – so gina wouldn’t think her mom had forgotten about her. it’s meant to be a selfless act. if the chocolates are brought up in s4, i’m hoping that they change their approach to it and i think that would address most of the concerns you have. the conflict about timing would be different bc instead of it being ricky keeping something from gina until it could benefit him, it would be a she was never supposed to find out type of thing.

idk if i would necessarily say that he’s using the nini mention to shield himself, i think it’s meant to serve as an admission of him having harbored feelings for gina for a while with an attempt to explain why he never acted upon them, and gina deserves that explanation. it wouldn't have been fair to gina for ricky to make it seem like there's something between them while he was still holding on so tightly to his relationship with nini bc it felt safe & comfortable in the face of his fear of change. ricky didn’t necessarily handle things the best way but it would’ve been significantly worse if he had dragged gina into it all.

they’re teenagers, they’re not perfect and ricky definitely didn’t handle things perfectly in s2. but it’s understandable & you can see where he’s coming from considering everything he’s going through. and if anyone’s gonna understand him, it’s gina.

all that to say, i think a chocolates reveal would cause some tension between the two but tension that can be resolved, bc gina would understand that ricky ultimately lied to her bc he didn't want her to feel alone. so yeah, idk if this alleviated any of your concerns regarding the chocolate theory possibly becoming canon, but i hope this makes some sort of sense bc i had to type this all up twice & my brain's a little fried SJSHFSKJF

[localguy2]

my dude here’s some more headcanons that came tome in a ✨DREAM✨ (No seriously tho I dreamed these).

1# zane can talk to and understand the falcon and probably other animals (got this idea from a fic I read)

2# he probably still eats deli meat (cause I hc that he can eat)

3# he atleast gotten messages from the fsm in dreams and can probably chat with him

4# he is the ultimate animal tamer (if ya don’t believe me just watch the trial by mini episode where he manages to tame a friken beast )

5# he definitely has met the FSM after he died , heck with the golden power that zane managed to absorb I bet he could even be the FsM second in command ( I got the idea of him being 2nd in command from a fanfic I read a loooong time ago ,heck I can’t even remember the name)

6# with all the times he’s died I’m convinced he’s immortal or atleast on a godlike or otherworldly level

7# (not a headcannon ) I wonder why the ninja blame his weirdness on being a nindroid if all the other nindroids aren’t like him…….🤨

8# he can visit other realms in dreams (why do I think this you say, rewatch season 11 when he dreams himself in the never realm)

1# I hc Zane can understand basically everyone, say he meets a fox yeah? Well good for you because this fucker for soke reason knows exactly what the fox is saying

2# yep

3# I wouldn't be surprised to be honest, the obligatory "once in a blue moon" vision/visit from the FSM, they play chess and chat about life!

4# him and Lloyd are Disney princesses, that's all I'm going to say

5# you know what if the golden power is what helped him get into the Digiverse?

I've got a whole idea for this.

Basically when Zane died, his soul absorbed a lot of the golden power, but yknow he's special because Nindriod and all that, but hit body was totally obliterated so he couldn't exactly go back to one, and I feel like when he met the FSM he was also asked if he wanted to go back to the living world or stay with the FSM, and he chose to go back to the living world.

But when the FSM was transporting him back, he didn't a have body to go back to, so he did the next best thing and used Zane's golden power to transport his soul/concussions into the Digiverse, and from there Zane can work out how to get a new body with outside help (pixal).

Sorta simlair with Lloyd, the tornado of creation basically supercharged him, so when he died and met the FSM and wanted to go back, all the FSM had to do was just use that supercharge to put Lloyd back in his body.

6# in the very far future when all the ninja are dead? Probably.

He'd either be like Wu during the start of the series where he's immensely powerful and all knowing, but sorta no one really acknowledges that he's God's son basically.

Or, he'd still be active in the future, as a result a lot of people know who Zane Julien and a lot of people see him as a holy figure which he REALLY doesn't like.

7#bro these fruit colored ninjas are dumb as hell ong

8# might as well, the dream world was certainly interning, he and Mr.Oz had a lovely chat about the weirdness of a lot of things, they exchanged a lot of stories about their respective lives I'd imagine, he also got a chance to talk with mateo and izzie and the other kids, used to imprent some master Wu level wisdom that none of them understood (lego Dreamzzz is cool you should watch it).

[that-bi-bitch-writes]

My Fav Characters (Haikyuu Extended edition)

Okay so i'm gonna do three teams: nekoma, aoba johsai, and inarizaki

Nekoma:

1)Kenma: look at him. i rest my case. NO he's actually so cute and smart and there's not many other reasons he's literally my little baby and i would love and care for him (but i'm not cleaning up after anybody he has money we can hire someone. i might cook through)

2) Kuroo: I don't think i have to explain this honestly. I don't think of him as some seductive force or "rizz master" as the kids say but he's certainly attractive and i like his passion. also idk i feel like he's a neurodivergent nerd who just happens to be kinda handsome and why would i not like that

3) Kai. Handsome (probably black) man. He's calm and approachable, slightly above average height which is good for me bc i'm short, but he's driven. He's not to be left behind are miscounted. Nekoma definitely needs him on the team. He's sweet and reliable. HE NEEDS MORE LOVE AND I WILL GIVE IT TO HIM. also i like gardening to an extent so having someone who is an arborist in my life allows me to dabble

4) Yaku: He's yaku I mean. one of the best liberos in the game. (why do the best ones not come baaack) love my short king he is literally life to nekoma just like the other three and i love his chaotic energy and defensiveness on and off the court. don't let them make you think he's violent lev be starting with him. also for a volleyball player he has some nice kicks

5)Fukunaga Shohei: When i first saw his eyes i knew i'd love him. his design is literally so cute and friendly and he's one of the most deliberately cat-like and it works for him. I love that he's always making jokes that no one gets or only he laughs at because that is soooo me and i feel like we could parallel play together so well

Aoba Johsai:

1) Hajime Iwaizumi: I'm sure this came as a surprise to absolutely no one. This is the love of my life right here and he's in my top 3 haikyuu men which is a feat of it's own. Never in my life have i loved a character with such little screen time as i love iwaizumi. Just thinking about him telling me to call him hajime?? wow. he's so cool, he's sweet and only mean to his bff yet the love between the two of them is undeniable. he has a huge heart and huge arms that he can put around me. I feel like he'd kinda be a little shy about someone he's dating and have a proud smile but also faint blush. He definitely gets women easily but i feel like he'd turn them down politely(for me! he's saving himself for me)

2) Matsukawa Issei: If you're surprised i mean i get it but i don't. Never let them tell you Issei is an unloved character. If he has 100 fans i'm one of them, if he has 10 fans, i'm one of them if he has 1 fan it's me and if he has no fans I am dead but take me to his mortuary pls so i can see him one last time. He had me a little interested after he scared hinata off that one time but someone else piqued my curiousity a little more and now i read any fanfic of him i can get my hands on and i love my relaxed king.

3) Oikawa Tooru: a master of his craft, charismatic, petty. One of the greatest "villains" of all time (this is a joke based off of what i see on twitter all the time) Oikawa has all his opponents stressed and even his enemies want him on their side. There's no denying his skill or game play. The fact that he could just come in seamlessly to teams "above" his skill level while in high school should prove it to you.

4) Kentaro Kyotani: His design is literally insane and I feel like he's probably not as aggressive as one would think. To me it feels like he bottles up his rage until he can play volleyball which may lead him to do reckless things on the court but he's undeniably skilled and a good guy. This might be me projeting but i feel like he's neurodivergent and he gets a bit overstimulated/understimulated and that's where the anger comes from but he can be shocked out of that state like with yahaba. It was clear he never meant to negatively affect the team he just got swept up

5) Akira Kunimi: To me he's like a mashup of kenma and tsukishima with a bit of his own flavoring in it and i like both of those characters. He's dedicated to volleyball but only while playing volleyball. He's obviously smart/clever and he's just kind of overall adorable and hard to hate. He sticks out to me even though i don't think that's what he's trying to do

Inarizaki: (changing the ranking slightly from earlier)

1) Osamu Miya: He came in the game, he conquered with his twin brother, he served looks, attitude, wasn't the "cool twin" nor the more subdued twin even though he called "less" attention to himself than Atsumu. Most anime twins are either the exact same until you can tell the difference or they're like polar opposites. Osamu looked at that and kinda spit on it. They got their separate hair colors for individuality and then went about their business being too similar to not fight and different enough that there was no jealousy and osamu hung up the volleyball and made his own place in the restaurant industry. That's my baby right there

2) Shinsuke Kita: I was gonna make a volleyball joke but it fell flat. Anyway Kita is always serving looks. If anyone wants to look at a character similar design wisesto that misogynist naoya from jjk here you go. Kita was the responsible upperclassmen/older bro whatever you want to call it but it was organic and natural and despite not being a starter, the way he ran the team proved that he was invaluable and when they showed that to him and he cried? He's such a sweet character and i feel like he has some hidden mischief i'd like to be a part of. also once again sometimes i get the urge to farm or garden so i'm just gonna be like "give me a task shinsuke"

3)Aran Ojiro: I'm rooting for everybody black. Okay anyway look at him. just look and appreciate all you're getting to look at. Okay now look at his timeskip goatee. alright are you back on earth yet? I must have a thing for aces/hitters. We love an emotionally intelligent man who is yet another heart of the team i mean without kita an ojiro where would inarizaki be? He knows his shit, he's one of the top five aces of the country, he's gorgeous and he's sweet. need i say more? Should i?

4)Suna Rintaro: He's so pretty i would be scared to bring my s/o around him (i'm joking why would i be scared to bring him around himself) I feel like we'd vibe and i'd tell him i love his eyes and he'd say he loves mine and then we'd be messy together while somehow making sure to stay out of it. He's smart and analytical and i feel like he could give me a run for my money in terms of noticing and knowing stuff (i'm literally psychic and i love gossip) also i love that he's just slightly scared of kita

5)Astumu Miya: just cause he's at the bottom of this list doesn't mean i don't love him. I would prefer him as a bff or brother in law if i'm being totally honest but his character is way too cool to not make it on a top 5 list. He serves (literally) he has good chemistry with a couple people) he's a bit petty, he's pretty, 100% ND and i think that could explain how his passion is both intriguing and scary. He's 100% misunderstood and mischaracterized but he could be my clingy best friend i just wouldn't let him teach me volleyball bc he'd be mean (accidentally ofc)

[corner-stories]

⭐️

Fanfic Writers: Director’s Cut

Reblog this if you want readers to come into your ask box and ask for the “director’s commentary” on a particular story, section of a story, or set of lines. Or, send in a ⭐star⭐  to have the author select a section they’ve been dying to talk about!

I fully believe that, in all my years of fic writing for fandom, this one lil 800 word Jeankasa one-shot called "Wishing For More" is my Magnum Opus.

This was in the era where the Marley arc was happening in the manga but SNK was on people's mind because S2 and S3 came out. While pics of Reiner looking depressed/hot and Zeke memes dominated most of the fandom, I was in that little subset of people wondering what tf the Island Devils were up to.

And remember, this was months before the reveal of the post-timeskip Scouts so I had no idea what anyone looked like or how the characters changed after 4 years.

I fell into the category of people who believed that Jean and Mikasa became some flavour of lovers at one point or another so that's where Wishing For More came from.

The entire plot is just Jean and Mikasa spending time together in a room at an inn and Mikasa observing the scars he sustained from the Retaking of Shiganshina. I liked the concept of writing characters with various scars back then and I like it now.

At the time I had this whole lil scenario where the Scouts were stationed at an inn for weeks and were just told to be on standby, so unless they were needed they were largely left to their own devices. It lead to me writing a lot about Jean and Mikasa either seeing each other a lot in the hallways of the inn or spending time together in their respective rooms.

All I could assume about Mikasa at that time was that she was wrangling with the mess of emotions that come with realizing your childhood BFFs will succumb to the Curse of Ymir in 8/13 years, as a result she's more on the quiet introspective side bc her thoughts are constantly plagued with what the meaning of life is if it can end so cruelly.

And this was definitely what started me on my "Mikasa deserves to be happy" agenda because post basement reveal I could already anticipate that her life would just get more distressing from that point on.

Is it a surprise that I was compelled to write her finding comfort in the arms of the hot funky horse man? Or write a scenario where she sees the collection of scars on his shoulders and back before gently running her fingers across them? Or have her slowly realize that unlike the resident Titan Shifters, Jean is a normal human who can't heal from traumatic injuries?

Anyways, thanks for the ask bc I've read too much JK hate on twitter and needed a palate cleanser. And also thanks to everyone who kudos'd and commented on the fic over the years. It means a lot to me, especially now since I'm starting to trolling comments on my fics. Y'all are the real MVPs.

[averytiredfanfictionwriter]

Where have I been?

Not entirely sure who'll care what I have to say, but I'm gonna say it anyways just like with the Skydoesminecraft situation. I will not be writing for Minecraft youtubers anymore, save for the Hermitcraft community. They seem to be the only ones that I watch that are consistently good creators. Unfortunately, I will not be writing for anything dsmp related, even though I'd stopped a while ago. Trying to write any of the remaining ideas I had concerning Techno is just too painful still, and I don't know if it'll ever stop being painful. And with the allegations that came out against Wilbur and most recently George, I don't feel comfortable engaging with their content/the streamers who are still friends with them. This extends to all of the "dream team" and the band Lovejoy, seeing as they have yet to make a public statement, at least that I'd seen.

All that said, what will my content look like seeing as I haven't posted in at least a year? Well, there's going to be some changes. I've grown out of fandoms, and into new ones in the last year. I got really into the Modern Warfare series and Call of Duty: Ghosts throughout last year, so some of those guys and girls might make an appearance on my page occasionally. Hermitcraft might also make an appearance, with the fics being in the same style as the other hermit fic I'd posted. Outside of that, I can't give an exact list anymore because I haven't felt truly interested in anything. I'd lost the ability to enjoy all the things I used to enjoy as I got further into my depression, and it all culminated in my making a few drastic changes in May of last year. I left my job and got a better paying one working overnights because I would cry going home at just how awful my days were and how poorly treated I'd been for the 4 years I worked there. I made a bunch of new friends online and got into some niche internet drama outside of Tumblr that I might share my side of in the next few months- not to drag up old fights, but to warn people who might be thinking of or currently watch a certain TikTok creator. I'm about to DM my first D&D campaign with some of my new friends and I'm very excited about it because I've spent more than 7 months planning and creating it.

But most importantly, in my time away I realized a lot. I've been dealing with major writers block for more than a year because every time I tried to write I compared myself to the other writers I follow on here. Specifically in the modern warfare community. I had so many ideas for fics, but every time I sat down to write them they wouldn't come out as good as I wanted them, or it wasn't up to the standard that I was trying to meet because I thought that no one would read it if I didn't meet that. Even now, just venting, I'm worried about how many likes and how much engagement this post will get and that's such an awful mentality to have. I used to love writing, and I still do. But I've learned to accept that it's okay to be at a different level of writing than the others on here, and that I shouldn't stop just because my characterization sucks or sometimes the plot is a little rocky. I shouldn't be worried about all of that, because writing fanfiction started as me writing for myself. It all started, way back when I was a young teenager, making a Wattpad account and writing my first fic, which I believe was a purge fanfiction with Skydoesminecraft and the rest of Sky Media. I'm 21 now, and I can definitely say I've improved, but I'm tired of trying to base my improvement on how good everyone else is. I'm tired of being depressed about how other writers make it look so easy to just have these great, cinematic moments in their fics with wonderful lines that stick with you after you finish reading them.

So, back to the question. What will my content look like? It'll look like whatever I want it to look like. I'm going to write for who I want, when I want. If that means posting 20 batman fanfics in a row, and then making a complete 180 to Hermitcraft or Criminal Minds or even House, then so be it. But I'm going to be doing it for me, and not for how many likes and followers a particular character or fandom will get me.

If you read all this, thank you. I really do appreciate everyone who's ever engaged with my stuff on this site, it truly does mean the world to me.

(Also, quick aside. If you're from the HermitCraft fandom and you write weird nsfw with them, for the love of god block me now. I saw a fic where Grian rapes Docm, and I'm never going to be able to unsee it thanks to it not being tagged right. They are all real, grown people with families. What the fuck.)