#you can’t get away with gaslighting if the truth is just THAT obvious

[2rats1gogh]

Rhaenyra when the children she had with a white & dark haired dude look NOTHING like her black & white-haired husband and people (rightfully so) start questioning the legitimacy of her children:

[aicidos]

i feel like… it’s really important to re-center the reasons and stakes behind tifa’s agreement to join the journey, bc even though they’re obvious to me i feel like fandom kinda. Forgets. and it informs so much of her breakdown in mideel

firstly, her personal vendetta against sephiroth. it is as simple as a matter of ‘settling a score’ (sound familiar?), an eye for an eye kind of sentiment. secondly, ever since she first arrived to midgar, she has been dead set on getting revenge against shinra somehow for literally Everything they’ve done to her, her communities, and, by extension, the planet. after sector 7, there’s nothing she can go back to, much less does she find herself in the mental state to not do Something about sephiroth + shinra. she has always been reactive in the past: tried killing sephiroth herself, joined avalanche. both courses of action are destructive and, to an extent, self-destructive (her body/life & mental stability), because she feels as though she’s alone in this role as a representative for nibelheim and the vengance she feels they deserve⸺  enter, cloud. his presence switches things up in regards to her self-destruction, because now she’s seeing for two here.

in the grand scheme of her reasons to join the cause, keeping watch over cloud’s strange state is just the newest incentive, and although she cares about him tremendously, withholding the truth from him isn’t even wholly just about his well being: she’s intuitively offsetting a reckoning that’s long overdue for her too. she’s protecting his life not just because he’s a friend, but because if he dies, nibelheim dies with him. which brings me to finally talk about mideel like i once mentioned in this one post.

minus cloud and zack, everyone who survived the nibelheim incident was experimented on became non-entities, and even though zangan escaped, he’s god knows where, his health so badly deteriorated over the years (as mentioned in his letter) that for all tifa knows he could’ve died already. so, just like cloud’s subconscious clings onto his fabricated past and completely breaks down once that’s torn away, tifa clings to the way cloud has come to represent nibelheim, to represent her past as a whole. that’s a big part of her identity. so, naturally, she breaks down over the prospect of him never regaining consciousness/dying, because it means that she has lost the last person who can tie her to her past and verify her trauma, that she’s the only conscious survivor left that can vouch for that destruction while neo-nibelheim sits pretty ‘proving’ her wrong (literally gaslighting her), and, above all, it means that she has really, truly failed at everything she had set out to do before the start of the game/pre-cloud: defeat sephiroth, punish shinra, protect the planet. all of which she was willing to still do even after cloud goes missing mind you (with a little moral support from barret). however, finding out his extremely frail state teetering on death absolutely pulls the rug underneath her bc of the implications cloud’s death has, which i’ve alr mentioned.

tldr it’s just fascinating to me to see her reaction to being backed into a corner: she shuts down, she gives in to despair, and it’s… self-serving. gaia be damned. to a considerable degree, she’s seeing for herself here. she’s widely known for her role as a protector, but what i can’t stress enough is the nuance of that role being distorted: while not exactly not genuine, it’s also not righteously selfless either.

[fandomele]

note: corrective rape, rape and acephobia are mentioned/discussed in what happens to be another way too long post by yours truly, but I got pissed today and I’m not going to be nice about it:

Hearing people say 'ace people aren’t oppressed and if they get in trouble it’s not due to their identity’ is SO RIDICULOUS, especially when it’s so blatantly obvious that of course someone who says they don’t feel sexual attraction, or someone who doesn’t even want to have sex at all because repulsed (the two aren’t necessarily connected but I’m ace and sex repulsed so I will bring it up), will be told that they are at the very least sick. Or worse, not human/unacceptable. And suffer the consequences of this way to see things.

And last time I checked, and I will talk about it in this post, conversion therapy, therapy in general to fix your orientation/identity, gaslighting, corrective rape, being murdered for saying no, proven cases of mobbing at work which resulted in being fired/quitting, marriages being considered null, and so on, happening because of how you identify, are considered oppression/discrimination. And they happen to us too. There is also the bullying, the mocking, the manipulation, the judgment, all those things that on tumblr are suddenly considered ‘not discrimination, do you think it’s the same as being attacked and killed??’ when it’s against asexuals, but are absolutely part of discrimination if against people who identify in other ways.

So while the response that “the LGBT community shouldn’t be about amount of oppression” is a truth, it’s also possible to accompany that sentence with a ‘and also you are wrong, asexual people are discriminated too, are you from another planet?’. Which is another truth. The people making random posts or going to comment under ace people who are discussing their latest trauma to say that ‘but what would an ace person be oppressed for lol you wanna be discriminated so baaad’ could also be ignored because they are wrong in so many ways and unlikely to be coming from simple ignorance, they are definitely malicious and there to feel Cool and hurt others, high school bully style. Arguing in the hope to change their mind is useless, they are not there to learn or to understand. Of course you can respond anyway, even just because you may feel better by disproving something so untrue, and because other people may read your response and learn from it.

I now believe that people who come out and say ace people aren’t straight up discriminated because they are ace, or even deny people’s own experiences and try to convince them that they suffered them for other reasons, are 1) saying it in bad faith 2) assholes, who at this point are choosing to look away from all the resources they have, including research papers, articles, asexual people saying what they go through, laws, facts, and also usually attacking asexual people at every chance they get, all to silence asexuals and maybe feel like they won something.  

See, simply IMAGINING what people’s response to ‘I don’t feel sexual attraction’ / ‘I don’t ever want to have sex’ in the real world will be enough to tell you that asexual people aren’t going to be accepted, welcomed, treated fairly, nor will have the same right as a straight person to simply be, (as long as you are honest about how the world works), and if you say that acephobia isn’t real it means you didn’t even try to think about it first, and chose to contribute to the alienation and mistreatment of another vulnerable minority, and to make harder for them to seek help. So maybe you should work on why you are pretending the world is a nicer place for other minorities just to make your point, which is what, that only your identity, whatever it is, gets discriminated? Do you think your pain won’t be valid anymore, won’t be as real, if other people get hated for things that don’t apply to you? 

Even if you can’t somehow imagine that people will react badly to you not feeling sexual attraction or not having freaking sex, like I said before you do have resources at your disposal to check facts before you write crap. 

Outside of tumblr, because on this website asexuality is at least somewhat known, now honestly, think about it now, think about the real world, how do you think doctors, therapists in particular, and people at work/friends/family will react if you tell them you have never felt nor feel sexual attraction? And if you don't have it and actually DON'T have sex for years? If they bring up your lack of dating/hooking up because like me you are sex repulsed, aromantic and asexual, and you don’t want to lie about your identity, don’t want them to get you on a blind date, don’t want them to invite their friends over so you can get to know them and maybe you’ll hit off, so you decide to tell them you don’t want any of that?

Here’s what will happen: doctors will want to fix you. Most people won’t understand and want you to get cured/stay away. Simple as that. Not always, just like not every person you’ll meet will be homophobic or biphobic or anything else, but usually, yeah, that’s going to be the typical reaction. And it’s a conclusion you can reach by simply thinking about it, thinking about how the world actually works, not how you say it works because you are trying to make a point (point being that YOU are the only one who would get in trouble). 

And speaking of coworkers, I also read research papers for my uni that also showed how colleagues got aromantic and/or asexual people fired because “uncomfortable” with them, obviously plenty cases of mobbing too, after the coworker disclosed their orientation for a reason or another (more often than not it was because they kept being single through the years and their friendly coworkers wanted to be your typical wingman and ‘help’ or tried to understand why). Because after all, this is a Thing: people reacting badly to what they don’t understand. And as an actual ace person I wouldn’t need a paper to know I could NEVER tell people I work with, nor people I know in general, that I’m asexual.

And mind you, not that never mentioning a word of your orientation to avoid trouble is privilege, it’s 2022 and we can stop insinuating that the ability to hide who you are is a pro, but it’s not even easy to do that, not when you are an adult who keeps not having ‘normal’ hook ups. Eventually people will come out and ask what’s wrong with you. Either you marry somebody, date, or are meant to have hook ups. No other options. 

Before you go: ‘I know ace people/I’m ace and coming out was easy, nobody cares’ yeah well here where I live your coming out as bi or lesbian would be way easier, does that mean homo/bi-phobia isn’t real? nope. Does that erase other people’s horrible experience? Nope. Could I tell my family that I’m a lesbian/bisexual and they wouldn’t see it as weird, bad? Yep. Could I tell everyone in my family I’m ace and they wouldn’t give a damn? Nope, not without them thinking it’s due to mental illness because they never heard of it and ‘sex makes you human’. Would another family prefer an asexual woman to a lesbian woman? Yeah, depends on the family. Would my town accept a lesbian woman more than an asexual one? Yep, it’s a very tiny old rural town, being a lesbian can happen, of course there are homophobic people here like in everywhere, but there are lesbian couples so people know it’s a possibility. Being asexual? No, it’s not a thing. Therefore lesbians are more accepted than asexuals, asexuals would be sent to get checked out by a doctor or told to suck it up and have sex until they realize they like it. Would every town be the same way? No, it depends on the place. This is why we go by general responses and the few lucky ones don’t change the reality for the entire group. Truth is that, generally, lesbian women and gay man will face homophobia, ace women will face acephobia, bisexual men and women will face biphobia and so on. Regardless of how your experience when you temporarily believed you to be ace was, we face oppression too. 

Personally I didn't know asexuality was a thing until I was maybe 26 and stumbled on a post here on tumblr about lack of sexual attraction, I knew I was sex repulsed but I didn't know THAT was a thing either, so I was only saved from ‘therapy for my lack of interest in men or women’ at 18 because my chronic illness prevented me to use apps and try night dates like my therapists suggested in order for me to grow up and get past my lack of experience in dating (and sex).

By the way my plan before learning about asexuality was that if I’d find a boyfriend I’d have to drug myself and be nearly unconscious until I’d ‘get used to it’. That was literally the plan thanks to lack of information, because I wasn’t attracted to women so I had to be attracted to men and eventually have sex. So obviously I was ready to do anything to be “better”, which is something that made me a much easier target for abuse.

Recently I had to be very clear with my new therapist about identifying as such so that it wouldn’t become part of our therapy, even if she was extremely confused by the idea (but she accepted it’s not something to work on because I’m comfortable with it, and that’s all I can ask for, to avoid getting ptsd therapy derailed by attempts to make me ‘normal’ when it comes to men. I’m one of the lucky ones this time around, but given that she’s not aware it’s an orientation she would have surely treated it as a symptom if I wasn’t aware either).

Where I live, if I don’t ‘consume’ marriage, if I don’t have sex with my husband, I can ask for divorce with me being the guilty party (for the law, for the church the marriage is null). This is true for men as well, of course. Given how divorces often go, good luck trusting someone with not using that against you in court. 

How many asexual people growing up have sex only because manipulated or straight up blackmailed/forced by partners who think love means sex and they are entitled to it? Not just women, so don’t pull the sexist card. Hell, at every turn society will tell you that if you don’t *give it* to your partner they will rightfully leave you because you are hurting them. If a lesbian woman is killed for refusing sex with a man, it is because she’s not sexually attracted to men and said no, on top of being a woman. So why if an asexual woman is killed for the same reason it should be considered all due to her being a woman and not due to her lack of attraction? In one case it’s lesbophobia and sexism, in the other it’s aphobia and sexism. 

And some people say ‘if a gay couple walks by holding hands they could get attacked, no one will attack a single person’ but we don’t need to share ALL the same type of aggression to be in danger. Also, a transgender person may be attacked even if alone, does that mean homophobia is less real because someone else can’t even exist in a new place where no one knows them without worrying of being noticed? Hell no.  We face different challenges from one another, and have some others in common. 

Points are:

-nobody gets to rank who gets oppressed in any situation, once you are ‘a bit oppressed’ you are oppressed, that’s it. There is no point system where you need to be discriminated in an X number of ways to be considered oppressed in general. -you don’t get to speak for other communities no matter what you think life is like for them -asexual people are oppressed anyway, even if that’s not the requirement to be part of the lgbtqia+ community -in fact asexual people are part of the community and actually have always been, if you go check historical records, even if the lack of a shared language for it made it harder to be seen -your single experience of “when you temporarily identified as asexual before you realized you weren’t” will not give you the correct and universal view of what is like to be an asexual for everybody else -not being attacked because you are in the closet/your orientation can’t be immediately seen is not going to erase that you are being discriminated against. If people not finding out about your identity, which usually involves you lying your ass off, is the requirement for you to be accepted, you are not privileged. You are also not basically straight.  -at this point, with so many posts that actually have links to actual facts, studies, historical things that happened, about asexuals and their oppression, if you decide not to read because you somehow know better than Reality itself how life works, and go around fighting people over whether they are being discriminated against, you are a bad person.  -if you are ace, don’t feel guilty for feeling discriminated if you are getting in these kind of awful situation, don’t listen to acephobes, they are part of the problem and if anything confirm that the discrimination is real and that you have the right to vent in your own damn blog.  -other aces not being discriminated simply equal to them being lucky, not to you making up your own problems. 

[medusinestories]

Onwards to the episode in which we get to see Flint and Silver each having a very bad day (as well as two literal dicks that nobody had asked to see).

Black Sails VII (s1 ep07)

- We open on Pastor Lambrick's sweaty face as he intensely rehearses the Easter sermon and he’s obviously eaten up by what he did with Miranda. His sermon, unsurprisingly, focuses on sin, keeping sin hidden, and the hell that awaits the sinner. Which leads us nicely onto Flint, who’s distracted (by his own sin? by thoughts of Miranda? both?) during a meeting with Eleanor. Eleanor is pissed that Miranda let Richard Guthrie send a message to the Andromache and then waltz into town to close up his business; Flint tries to take the heat off Miranda, once again protecting her (at this point, he may not know the contents of the letter).

- During this meeting, Flint is startled when Silver first speaks up to say that the mob in the street was bad - clearly Silver is a sort of intruder in this meeting. But Eleanor, after Silver reminds her by unsubtly clearing his throat, tells Flint that he’s not to harm Silver because he was instrumental in setting up the Consortium. Silver looks so pleased with himself in these scenes, and Flint quite defeated when he tells Silver to follow him back to their camp. I love it.

- To parallel Flint/Miranda’s Sulky Sex scene from ep4, we have Anne/Rackham’s frustrating/disconnected sex scene. It shows us a few things about them mainly that Anne wants to keep a lot of control over what happens, hence Rackham being tied up (though of course this might also be his kink), her wearing a shirt that covers up most of her body, and the reverse cowgirl position that means that she’s both in control of what happens and completely avoids eye contact. The position reminds us of the Flint/Miranda scene, where Miranda was also on top, but their scene involved more eye contact (yes glaring counts, he’s still intensely focused on Miranda), gentle touching (on Miranda’s side) and her being naked and open to him. Another parallel is that both Flint and Rackham aren’t in the right frame of mind for sex, Flint being angry and Rackham lost in a sea of worries (and probably also somewhat angry/disappointed at Anne for forcing him into the plot to kill their crewmates). The difference between Flint and Rackham is that while Flint doesn’t seem to have any trouble performing, Rackham is miles away and doesn’t even notice that he’s lost his erection - again. Anne is frustrated by this, and apparently knows him well enough that she offers to put something up his arse, but he’s clearly not in the mood, and she leaves in a huff, abandoning him all tied up as a sort of revenge for his performance problems. Whatever the problem is between them isn’t put into words (because Anne can’t yet, for starters), unlike the one between Flint and Miranda. The intimacy between Rackham and Anne, so often described as close partners, seems much more distant to me than the one shown between Flint and Miranda. I’m not sure whether it’s because of anyone’s sexual orientation, or just the fact that they’re fucking but they’ve never discussed the big important things, such as Anne’s identity/feelings/etc.

- In this episode, Dufresne gains a lot of power: with a freshly (and badly) shaved head and a new tattoo, he’s been promoted to Quartermaster on the Walrus in Billy’s place. And very quickly he has a problem to deal with: Randall revealing that Silver stole the page. Gates had actually already told this to Dufresne, as is revealed at the end of the episode, which might explain why Dufresne is relatively calm during the whole conversation, while DeGroot wants Silver and Flint hanged and Howell is surprisingly ruthless: he brings up the idea that it may be better to kill off Randall in order to get to the treasure, if they can’t make sure he’ll keep quiet about Silver being the thief. Dufresne is actually quite kind towards Silver in the scene where he puts Silver’s memory to the test - a test that could result in his death if he fails it and that Silver constantly grumbles against (I love his grumbling!). Basically, at this point Dufresne remains quite a sympathetic character, which will change a lot as the show goes on, especially after Jannes Eiselen had to leave the show (such a sad story, RIP Jannes).

- In the meantime, the Flint and Gates relationship is crumbling. It's sad to see, especially since they're shown sharing chuckles as they talk about Dufresne's appointment in the beginning of the episode. But then Gates brings up the subject of Miranda and demands explanations about the letter Billy found. We're not shown exactly what Flint answers, but it's clear that he's actually trying his best to give him an explanation without incriminating Miranda too badly. The sad thing is that Flint is actually telling the truth: he actually wasn't involved in any betrayal of his crew and and can only guess at Miranda's motivations. But the fact that he's lied time and again in previous situations, including on the Maria Aleyne where he claimed Lord Alfred drew a weapon on him (and Gates secretly verified that this was a lie), and used men as pawns to advance his and Miranda's plans, is now catching up to him. Flint seems truly hurt when Gates accuses him of using the men for his own purposes, and turns spiteful, telling Gates that he should have been "a better father" to Billy and helped him "understand the world he was living in" (suggesting that such a forthright character as Billy can't really survive in a world of pirates who are all ready to stab each other in the back). After that slap in the face, Gates says he's exhausted from Flint and threatens to take it to the crew. Somehow, this pushes Flint to bare all: he tells Gates about his plan to keep a part of the treasure and use it to build up Nassau, depicting himself as a sort of saviour, doing it for the men's good: they'd rather be rich men in a safe place than dead thieves hanging from a noose. Gates sees this as delusions of grandeur, and tells him that while he'll see the Urca plot through, after that they're done. I actually think he sees Flint’s point, since he doesn’t just throw him to the crew, but won’t admit that out loud. The whole of this scene hurts bad, because you can tell that Flint is desperate and sad to be losing his closest ally and friend, and that Gates is hurting from the loss of Billy and exhausted from the toxic relationship he has with Flint, where he's played enabler to his manipulations for years.

- While Flint and Gates’ alliance is breaking, Silver has to forge one with Randall or die. Randall finds out in the beginning of the episode that he’s been voted out of the crew. This is apparently due to DeGroot’s fears that Randall could be a fire hazard, which the crew took disproportionately to heart. Randall is furious with Silver, who smugly tells him that in these situations, a setback often comes with a new or unexpected opportunity. He’s right, but at this point he doesn’t know that he is the opportunity Randall’s going to latch on. Randall reveals that Silver is a thief, and Silver denies it, saying that Randall is both a halfwit and was in a haze of opium when he heard what he thought he heard; he even tries to convince Randall that he was mistaken (this, my friends, is gaslighting). However, by revealing that Silver was the thief, Randall sets a chain of events into motion which could either end with his death (if Howell has his way, since Randall is an inconvenient witness) or Silver’s (if DeGroot tips the balance, not trusting Silver to remember the coordinates and not wanting to sacrifice Randall for nothing). Silver figures out that these are the outcomes, and tries to talk sense into Randall by making a deal with him: he’ll care for Randall and make sure he can stay on the ship. But it’s only when Silver finally admits that he is the thief and that Randall was right, that Randall accepts the deal. Later, Silver realises that Randall might have orchestrated the whole thing: he’s now got Silver to serve him, doesn’t have to take any risks on the ship, and gets to remain with the crew. Silver wonders if Randall is a genius rather than a halfwit (a word thrown about a lot to describe him). And it seems quite obvious, considering what happened, that Randall still has strong survival skills (an amputee with impaired cognitive skills doesn’t stand a chance of survival outside a crew and he must be aware of it), that he still has a good memory and an ability to pick out useful information and that he’s aware enough of what’s going on to be upset by the crew’s rejection and Silver’s attempt to gaslight him. I think it’s important to recognise that Randall is more than a comic relief or a grotesque character: he’s a disabled man who's lost parts of his cognitive ability and is struggling to survive.

- This episode focuses on Vane facing his past. He seeks out the island where he grew up and its master, Albinus. I’d forgotten or never really registered that Albinus was a pirate and that the men who work for him were mostly his crew - and likely slaves (or children, hence Vane?) that he managed to capture/press into service. He’s retired from pirating and set up a system where his men cut down trees for timber all day, without wages. It’s not clear exactly how he holds so much power over these men, although it seems that everyone is terrified of him. He’s extremely strong physically, seems shrewd, speaks rather well, and his tattoos suggest that maybe he’s involved in some kind of ritual (truly religious or just for show?) which would make him all the more scary to superstitious people. Vane is clearly still frightened: he barely makes eye contact and practically stutters when he first tries to make the deal with Albinus, which is that he’ll take some of Albinus’ men as crew and send Albinus part of their earnings as tribute. It says a lot about Albinus that Vane, after years of having run away, is still so scares that he’s willing to pay him a tribute. But he changes his mind as he stares at a boy bearing the same brand as he does: he tries to persuade the men that Nassau is a pace of pleasures rather than hard labour, and confronts Albinus. The fight is brutal and ends with Vane buried naked, just after Albinus tells him that he’s proud of him. But of course Vane wouldn’t be Vane if he didn’t rise from the dead at the last minute and kill Albinus, goaded on by his inner Eleanor voice.

- In the meantime, Mr Scott returns to Eleanor, apologising for what he did, telling her he betrayed her out of love. However he also reminds her of his slave status: technically, he belongs to her. The argument upsets her, and he quite cleverly uses this moment to ask her to free the slaves who were on the Andromache. And it works: by the end of the episode, she’s made arrangements for the men to work on ships and has bought the women’s freedom and found them jobs in her tavern. But Mr Scott has still decided to leave Eleanor to join Hornigold’s crew, to refrain from meddling with Eleanor’s affairs, since he disagrees with her so strongly re: the Urca. Hornigold approached him earlier in the episode, and the introduction to that scene is quite interesting: Hornigold says to Mr Scott “I’ll need to know your secret” and Mr Scott looks startled and frightened. It seems that he’s startled because he’d been giving food to the slaves, but in light of S3, it could be a much greater secret that’s being referred to. Mr Scott is relieved when he realises that Hornigold is simply talking about tolerating Eleanor, who he clearly can’t stand.

- Flint’s bad day continues, of course, with the big confrontation he has with Miranda. He’s furious about the letter (of which he now knows the contents thanks to Gates), telling her that it could have got him killed, or destroyed the plans they’d made and asking her whether she was trying to embarrass him. This sounds so weirdly petty, and yet it also sounds exactly like the kind of argument that would come up in a bickering couple. Miranda answers that she was trying to help him out of that life, because she wants to move on. This is where Miranda utters the famous “there is no life here, there is no joy here, there is no love here”. I noticed that, covered by Flint yelling at her, and distorted because her voice has gone very shrill, Miranda says another line, which sounds like “you used to love, then”. If that really is what she says, it’s extra-extra-extra heartbreaking to hear (if someone wants to check it for me, it’s around 35:40). It’s obvious that Flint and Miranda’s views on life are very different, and I can’t help but think back to the fact that, as a carpenter’s son from the country, Flint has had to struggle all his life to become who he is. So when he says that you can’t get a life without having a war, and Miranda tells him he’s wrong, she’s speaking entirely from the point of view of her privilege. She’s never needed to fight as hard as he has to be happy, because she got extremely lucky in marrying Thomas. And when she says that Thomas would agree with her, I’m certain she’s right. But life has never been like that for Flint, and there’s no way he’ll ever entirely agree with their point of view. Rewatching this scene is tough, btw, because they both have great points, they’re both hurting so much, and there’s so much to take in between the body language, the facial expressions, the tones of voice and the actual words that it’s a whole whirlwind. And it feels very, very real.

- It’s absolutely hilarious to see Rackham get robbed by the whores taking advantage of his lack of knowledge (and research). He should absolutely have done a better job and has no clue how to run a brothel. He’s lucky Max takes things in hand after having heard from Idelle that the girls were taking advantage.

- Then we have the beautiful Drunk Flint scene. Eleanor notices him feeling very sorry for himself after Gates has pretty much broken up with him and he’s still reeling from fighting with by Miranda. I think Flint feels very misunderstood here. He thought that he was doing something good, to save Nassau and avenge Thomas, and doesn’t understand why they can’t see it, why they only see the terrible methods he uses to reach his goals. So he’s full of doubt, clearly wondering if he’s the villain of the story, and puts the question to Eleanor: is their plan worth it? Eleanor is the only person who still believes in him, which leads us to the only scene that I would ever call straight-baiting. Flint hovers near Eleanor, breathing heavily, and a variety of emotions play over her face during this moment of tension, as she seems to think this is leading to a kiss. It does, he gives her a chaste little forehead kiss and leaves. All the elements are in place to make your average viewer start shipping these two. I actually find it hilarious that the ship barely exists in the fandom (though I wasn’t there in the beginning of the fandom and I guess the viewership changed a lot between S1 and S4).

- The scene with Flint and Gates glaring at each other from their respective ships and Parson’s Farewell playing in the background... epic! We know this is the beginning of a big struggle between them, especially since we find out that Gates has pretty much decided that he’ll hand Flint over to the crew once they get the money. But nnnnggh that scene! The ships leaving on their hunt! Awesome and heartbreaking!

[outofangband]

Masterlist/Explanation of the Dark Arafinwë verse

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Maedhros is attending a formal event near Alqualondë and is accosted by another elf. Unable to wrangle the truth from the ages of pre-existing biases and feuds, Teleri wardens arrest both the accoster and Maedhros who finds himself fighting against his own memories. When, to his very great surprise, Arafinwë himself intervenes on his behalf, Maedhros is brought back to the palace to be kept under supervision until the matter is investigated. (More details at the end notes)

CW: forced stripping (non sexual), abuse of power, callous disregard of past trauma/exploiting trauma responses, dissociation, gaslighting 

Edit: I’ve had some people tell me that the gaslighting in this story is very difficult to read so I wanted to give an extra warning for that element

Tag list: @iwenttomordor @elarinya-nailo @mozart-the-meerkitten @tears-and-lilies @much-ado-about-whumping 

“Strip.”

There was no malice in the command, simply an almost weary calm. Nelyafinwë was aware of his own eyes widening just as a sense of unreality came over him. The soft warmth of the evening felt suddenly oppressive and the clean and comfortable room he had been lead into twisted and distorted. He took a step backwards and his half uncle raised an eyebrow.

“I know you carry weapons upon thy person, Russandol. For rather obvious reasons I cannot allow you to keep them.”

The room did not come back into focus but Maitimo gave a small sigh, apprehension as much as relief. He raised one booted foot and undid the laces, pulling out a small blade and handing it over to Arafinwë who pocketed it with a small nod of acknowledgment. Maitimo then undid the other boot to show there was nothing in it.

Arafinwë looked impassively at the other elf, fingers pressed together at his chest.

“It would not be very prudent to simply take thy word, Russandol. Remove the rest, I will give you something to wear.” Maedhros’s gaze traveled to his face, his own expression of startled disbelief. He waited for a few moments for Arafinwë to leave or turn away. Arafinwë does not. 

Maitimo swallowed, aware of the tingling, almost trembling in his arms or legs. He started on the buttons on his tunic so it fell into two sides, revealing the scars on his chest. Including the numerous iterations of kinslayer carved or tattooed into his flesh. He winced as he thought about this, not wishing to force Arafinwë to view another reminder of what had happened here so many years ago.

But he handed the tunic over over. Arafinwë set it and his boots on the bed, more of an examination table than for rest. He gestures for Maitimo to continue when the Noldor prince pauses again. Next come the trousers, slightly scuffed from the altercation that had landed him here in the first place. The heat rises to his ears and he can no longer maintain any sort of eye contact, directing his gaze to the floor instead.

Maitimo procrastinates pulling off his leggings until Arafinwë makes a soft sound of impatience, jarring him back to the present. The present where he is standing almost completely naked in front of the king of the Noldor in Valinor.

“I was there when Angamando fell and I have worked as a healer. I know you are scarred. Please remove the rest.”  

Maitimo hands over the last of his clothes and finally Arafinwë looks away from him, gathering up his leggings, tunic, trousers and boots along with his jewelry. 

“Stay here, Russandol. I will bring these to my guard to examine.” He starts towards the door.

Out of the corner of his eyes, Maitimo sees that the beaded bracelet Rôg had crafted for him is visible in the pocket of his trousers. He longs to hold it, to rub the smooth stone between his fingers as he does when the memories of the past intrude so vividly into the present.

“Lord Arafinwë?” He starts to say but the look on his half uncle’s face, that same impassive, cool interest, prevents any more words from leaving him and he merely shakes his head and waits as the other leaves.

...

Arafinwë returns nearly half of an hour later and Maitimo has not dared to move, even to try and cover himself. Loathe as he is to admit it to himself, any scolding or reprimand he might receive is likely worse than the shame of being so exposed. The door is closed, perhaps it was locked. 

The king moves past him to take up his previous position. His expression has not changed. 

“I am afraid you will have to be restrained for the night, Russandol. I do not have guards to spare.” Maedhros looks up at him, his heartrate spiking again. 

“I do not need to be restrained, My Lord” he says slowly, carefully, “I am hardly going to attack you nor anyone else, naked and with no weapon.” 

Arafinwë studies him. “I have absolutely no idea whether or not you will attack another should you become frightened or angry. I cannot afford the possibility that you enter such a state and harm someone. Lay down,” he gestures to the narrow bed before continuing, “This is a process that would typically be done by our wardens. Are you not grateful you are not suffering this under the hands of strangers?” 

Maitimo was more acutely aware than ever of his nakedness as he took the few steps forward and lay down on his stomach. He hears rather than sees Arafinwë come to his right side, using a strap made of a soft leather to fasten his hands down. He urges himself silently to breathe through his nose, to remain calm. By the time his ankles were also strapped down, he had to actively count his breaths to keep them steady.

“Open your mouth.” This next command is spoken as calmly, coolly as the others, it is only Maitimo who is experiencing the dizzying panic. He doesn’t obey this time. Arafinwë approaches him again, kneeling beside his head and holding out what seem to be more of the leather straps. 

 “Your teeth are a weapon, Russandol,” now there is something like sarcasm, mocking in the king’s voice, Maitimo is sure of it.

 (Is he sure?)

“You can hardly be surprised that you are not trusted here. Do you not understand I have made this process significantly better for you? Open your mouth. This will not hurt you and it is only until the morrow.” 

Maedhros tastes cleaned leather as something is forced into his mouth, preventing him from moving his tongue. More straps are fixed around his head. Arafinwë is careful to keep his hair out of the way of them so it does not become caught or tangled. But the parts that press against his face irritate the old scars made when less considerate hands strapped similar devices over him. 

Finally, Arafinwë takes a step back. Maedhros’s shallow breathing is softened slightly by the piece in his mouth. 

“Good. Get some rest, Russandol. I will check on you in the morning.”

To be continued

Author’s note: This type of gaslighting used both implicitly and explicitly throughout here, the “no, of course there’s nothing sinister about me doing these things, that’s just how you’re interpreting them because of Angband and it’s really offensive of you to compare me to the Dark Lord” is incredibly insidious and makes me really angry! Unfortunately it will only get worse from here. 

Author’s note: Maedhros was caught off guard here and his shock as well as his guilt is used to manipulate him into thinking this is legitimate procedure however he soon starts to understand more how dangerous Arafinwë and please know that he becomes an absolute nightmare to hold hostage. Or well he’s not currently a hostage but he’s soon to be

There is more about why Ara is doing this linked in the AU masterlist and more will become known as the story progresses! 

More backstory here:

Maedhros is attending a formal event near Alqualondë and is accosted by another elf. Unable to wrangle the truth from the ages of pre-existing biases and feuds, Teleri soldiers arrest both the accoster and Maedhros who finds himself fighting against unpleasant memories of being confined and restrained.  He’s alone in his cell, trying not to flinch whenever a guard comes by and alternating rapidly between the instinct to fight and scream and lash out and the instinct to hide and be subdued. He sees the guards stop and bow and he stands and walks to the door and sees Arafinwë. To his astonishment, he’s told that Arafinwë has agreed to have him released into his custody. He can’t leave the city for a few days, at least not until the matter gets sorted out. Maedhros starts to refuse just on instinct, saying it’s not necessary, etc. Arafinwë looks loftily at him.

“Do not speak foolishness, Russandol. Come with me.” And the guards unlock the door and nod to him and he can’t exactly insist on staying in prison especially because he is actually innocent in this encounter so he agrees reluctantly and follows Arafinwë to his carriage.

[feanorianethicsdepartment]

more thoughts about the homecoming au, the au where maedhros and maglor get brought back to tirion after the war of wrath to be prettied-up trinkets on finarfin’s shelf, with painted-over scars and muffled screams. it is dark, it’s full of all kinds of emotional and caretaker abuse, and the brothers weren’t exactly in a good state of mind before any of this happened. @sunflowersupremes wrote the initial au that wasn’t even meant as horror, @outofangband - this au is as much theirs as mine, several of the concepts here were originally theirs, and a lot of this originally came out in dms with them. part 1 is here. this part contains gaslighting, loss of autonomy right at the end, more suicide mentions (thanks mae) and just general abuse from people who care more about their own comfort than the people they’re supposed to be caring for. it’s worse than the first part, honestly

most of the stuff the fëanorians had on them when they surrendered got taken away pretty fast. which is honestly understandable; some of it was cursed, a lot of it was weaponry, all of it stank to the high vault of the stars

but they both managed to hold onto some personal effects, or get them back before they went in the incinerator. a broken locket, a torn-up book, nothing fancy, nothing large, but things that still mean a lot to them

the valinoreans aren’t entirely comfortable with this. they find a lot of the brothers’ comfort items mildly disturbing, stained with darkness and (occasionally literal) blood as they are. maedhros had this dessicated finger he refuses to explain anything about that got disposed of very quickly

maglor has a few strands of brightly coloured thread, spun around each other somewhat inexpertly. he tends to pull it out when he’s feeling depressed, working it between his fingers until he feels like he can face the world again

one day, one of his minders who gets along better with him asks where he got it. from the twins, maglor admits. it’s part of some embroidery elrond abandoned when they left -

and it’s snatched out of his hands. his minder looks down at him compassionately. ‘i know you miss them, but you caused those boys a lot of pain, you know? you shouldn’t romanticise your relationship with them’

which - maglor’s relationship with the twins was complicated, and while it wasn’t nearly as hellish as elwing fears, it wasn’t entirely healthy. maglor was dependent emotionally on the kids a lot more than any adult should be to children, and vice versa

because the twins were the last people he had left. when maedhros executed celegorm’s servants with no warning at all, this rift began to grow between the sons of fëanor and their followers. they’d always been terrifying, but they’d also been comradely and inspiring, the white-hot stars around which their people orbited. but when they turned their fangs on their own host, all that started to fall away, leaving only the fear behind

it got worse after sirion. by the time vingilot rose in the sky, maglor’s only real remaining relationships were with maedhros, who he hated as much as he loved, and the twins. watching over them, talking to them, not hurting them - it kept him grounded in reality, kept him sane

he knows, he knows, he knows, they’re better off without him. but his time with them is the only happiness in his memories that still feels real

but the valinoreans can’t accept that. the exile was an awful time with nothing in it worth keeping, and the sooner he can recognise that the faster he’ll be back to his old self

besides. their caretakers don’t like being reminded of their more... unpleasant deeds

(elwing sidebar: elwing and eärendil are having an easier time, because the teleri have experience dealing with trauma and are also just more accepting of the right to have your own take on your own experiences. still, though, elwing occasionally hears that a proper telerin mother would have stayed with her children, even if she had to give up the treasure her people died for to the monsters of her childhood nightmares)

(elwing was a young adult in a horrendous situation with no obvious way out, elwing is dealing with her own damage as best she can, elwing is valid, we stan elwing. she’s also one of the few direct-ish sources the noldor have for beleriand and what the fëanorians did there, and her (perfectly reasonable!) perspective colours a lot of their treatment)

in general the valinorean noldor are quite sure they know what beleriand was like and how it felt to be there, and aren’t particularly interested in being proven wrong

it was miserable, it was harrowing, it was nothing anyone should want to think about. it was a long nightmare maedhros and maglor are so fortunate to have finally woken up from

and you can kind of see why they think like that? the ones who have seen the hither shores saw them when ash rained from a void-black sky and almost everything was dead, and the survivors told stories of a long hopeless defeat and cruelties beyond imagining

but that deep black image blots out the genuine joy they felt in those five hundred years, the chance to prove their own greatness, the knowledge they were doing something good, nights when music echoed across the gap, warm hands in a cold fortress. there were things in beleriand worth remembering, aspects of the people they became there legitimately worth keeping

and even if there wasn’t - five hundred years. the scars on their bodies make it plain to see, every little piece of who they are was shaped by beleriand, for worse and for better. they just can’t leave it behind

their valinorean caretakers find this horrifying

maedhros likes to exercise. it keeps him calm, gives him something to do. it’s not something nelyafinwë was super into - he was more the peripatetic type - but it’s a feasible hobby for a noldorin prince to have, so he’s allowed to do it

sometimes, though, he’ll unconsciously shift into the old combat forms, precisely timed drills ingrained into his bodies. the first few times he does this, his minders are bemused more than anything, but then one day he happens to have a stick in hand to use as a mock-sword

then every time he starts to slip away into that meditative trance, hands reach out to stop him and hold him in place. ‘there’s no need to fight here, maitimo,’ an elf he knew before the unchaining tells him ever so gently. ‘you’re safe now’

... they say that, but maedhros’ nightmares keep getting worse

it’s like that with everything that makes the valinoreans uncomfortable. whenever they try to speak of their time in beleriand, no matter what they say, they’re told that oh, they know it was hard, but it’s all over now and they don’t have to dwell on it

but even after they’ve spent years in paradise, maedhros and maglor still won’t let go and allow themselves to heal

they just can’t come to terms with the truth of their ordeal

the narrative the valinoreans have constructed erases all of the bright spots, but it also bleaches out the true darkness

certainly they did horrible things, but did they really have a choice? in such a harsh world, they always had to be on guard, lest they themselves be killed. these poor boys never meant to harm anyone, but their father’s cruel madness and the painful chains of their oath and the vileness of beleriand forced them into atrocities they never wanted to commit

(surely the monsters the sindar spoke of wouldn’t cry. they wouldn’t lose themselves in waking nightmares or curl up shivering in well-hidden closets, they wouldn’t jump away from a casual touch or watch every new person like they might be a threat. they wouldn’t convince themselves the children they stole were happy, or talk to the shade of a dead kinsman they abandoned. surely they wouldn’t. surely)

(because if they are, and they’ve let a couple of orcs loose into the royal palace...)

(maglor and maedhros’ movements are pretty restricted. this is mostly for their own protection, but it’s partially - well, just in case. just in case)

this rankles at maedhros, though he tries not to show it. terrible they might have been, but his choices were his own

he was a warlord, he was a king. he expected to be hated for the things he had done. he didn’t expect to be pitied. he didn’t expect to be dismissed

sometimes, when he’s surrounded by people earnestly telling him that he’s not a bad person, he never was, it was all pressure from his father and the oath, he wants to scream that he chose to attack sirion because he was so, so tired of diplomatically dancing around problems he knew he could solve with his blade

but he stops himself, always. he knows how much what little freedom they do have is based on them not being a threat

and he will not wash this peaceful, innocent land in blood. he’ll kill himself first

maglor has lost all such scruples

it’s not often, but when they’re behaving themselves and no one who’s likely to take offense is in town, the brothers get taken out to court events

they paint makeup over their scars (which still won’t heal, everyone is concerned by the implications of this) dress them up in finery, string them with jewels, and show off how well they’re doing

(even if maedhros rarely says anything, and they never leave each other’s side)

tonight, it’s a feast. a minor celebration, nothing too crowded, nothing too loud. there’s revels and merrymaking and all kinds of fun

and after the food has been cleared away, there’s music

would his nephew like to play something, finarfin asks. it’s hard to tell if it’s a request or a politely phrased order

maglor decides he doesn’t have the patience to be taken aside and tell how much everyone wanted to hear his music, and accepts

finarfin smiles kindly. he’s thinking about how maglor’s minders have been talking about how he’s finally stopped trying to sing depressing or horrifying songs and how his voice grows more melodious by the day

maglor is thinking about how they won’t even let him sing about his wife. he wrote no odes to her beauty or her skill in the forge, but he sang ballads about the swiftness of her spear and her laughter after a battle

none of which the valinoreans want to hear. they want to pretend that love never existed, that there could be any joy found in darkness, that she’s at all worth remembering -

he gets up to play, and launches into the most vicious, most hopeless, most painful part of the noldolantë

they try to stop him, but he’s the greatest warsinger the world has ever seen, he’s sung with blood in his lungs over the roaring of dragons, there’s little they can do to block out everything they’re trying to ignore. he wails defeat and death and grief and death and despair and death

when they finally manage to knock him out, their whole petty festival in tatters, shock on their faces, tears streaming from their eyes, all he can think is that if they understand now, even a little, it’ll have been worth it

for the first time, but not the last, he wakes up in a cell

finarfin comes to visit, and starts giving a very disappointed lecture maglor is in no mood to hear. instead he just snarls that nothing they’ve been doing is helping him at all, and he’s so sick of false sympathy and no one listening to what his actual problems are

finarfin shuts his eyes, says ‘i’m sorry to hear you feel that way’ and leaves

a few days later he wakes up with a collar around his neck

it’s demeaning, but he gets released that morning, so he rolls with it. he gets told to never do that ever again, first by his minders and then by maedhros

his minders he nods at until they leave him alone. maedhros he snarks back at that it’s not like he’s doing anything to improve their condition

only he can’t

the words don’t just freeze in his throat, they can’t even form in his mind. what’s happening, he can’t say. what did you do to me, he can’t say. he can’t even scream

as maglor is clutching at his neck (he can’t get it off he can’t get it off) and all the colour is draining out of maedhros’ face, the minder in the room smiles

‘see? this way you’ll stop making yourself and everyone around you miserable. you can still talk about happy things -’

‘they did this in angband!’ maedhros roars, a statement that provokes his first actual fight with their minders. he’s harder to pin down than maglor. bigger

but their caretakers are becoming annoyed with the brothers’ obstinate refusal to let themselves get better. they may be content to wallow in the misery of their past, but inflicting it on others is a step too far

they clearly aren’t going to move any further down the road to recovery on their own volition, so it’s become clear they need a gentle push. is it a little distasteful? yes, but such things are sometimes necessary in medicine

the bright cheerful princes they will be again will thank them for it

oh god how did this end up so long. the last one should be shorter, it’s mostly clearing up some loose ends. why did i write this

[yanderecandystore]

heyyy so I saw that requests r open rn so may I ask for Yuma Soma? I have this headcanon of their game cartridge being used in a nintendo switch and then they somehow magically realize that the reader is playing other dating games in the switch and Yuma somehow had the power to travel to those dating games? Does this make sense? Lmao thank you in advanceee! \^o^/

Actually boo, yes, it does makes a lot of sense :3

I think I did mention something about Yuma being capable of doing this, but never said anything about other dating games- So this is going to be fun.

Also yes! I kinda imagine that Yuma's cartridge is a tiny little Nintendo Switch cartridge- Though if anyone wants to imagine it being from another console (being it a real life one, or a fictitious console of your own interpretation) you can still do it boo :3.

You're free to interpret it the way you want!

TW/Tags: short headcanon // jelly little gremlin // salty // manipulation/gaslighting and rudeness // accusations of cheating // kidnapping/entrapment inside the console // mentions of low-key existential crisis //

"- Replacement? I don't think so." [Yandere!A.I x GN!Reader - Headcanon]:

Oh you think you're so sneaky, don't you? Playing other games, blatantly ignoring their presence- You know their game is right next to all these others, right?

You know they can see it, right?? You can't be so dumb that you think they won't see you cheating on them.

Yep, this is absolutely cheating- It's not even an exaggeration from Yuma's part, their a.i was coded to recognize and categorize certain actions as cheating, and yes, playing other games (more specifically dating games) was considered cheating.

It almost breaks their heart, almost, humans don't seem to have the same wild technology that can create such complex levels of artificial intelligence like Yuma's creators had. These "characters" you like to romance aren't even close to being at Yuma's level.

It's honestly kinda pathetic, you have the "real" deal a click away from you yet you prefer these boring lifeless shells of characters. They basically are too 2 dimensional compared to Yuma, it's kinda archaic to them, darling.

But it's fine- Now that they know that you're basically replacing them with what essentially equates to virtual dolls, they're fine. They're fine because they know you're choosing the wrong option on purpose, clearly you're not able to commit to this relationship as much as they are.

Yuma was going to try to be patient with you, and give you your little "free time" so that you two may have a serious talk later- But seeing you actually TRY to entertain these series of texts with a "pretty" face to associate with them- It's just humiliating, dearest.

Desperate times ask for desperate measures, dearest, and you seem to have forgotten who lives inside your little gaming device- Maybe you just need a little scare to remember who you should be playing with.

As you continue to play, you start to witness a couple of small glitches here and there, just things like choosing a certain dialogue option but your game registering as another option being picked, or when a character is going to change their sprite but it's always stuck on the sad/mad/dissatisfied sprite even if their text is a positive response to the options you choose.

But the most obvious indicator that something was wrong with your game was when you tried initiating a romantic action with a character and they kept calling you a cheater, over and over again- And when you tried to choose another character, they would only repeat the same thing. At that point you had a guess of what could be happening, but even when you tried logging off, Yuma wouldn't let you leave.

You wanted to play this game right? You wanted to be with these characters instead of them, right?? So why are you going away if you were having so much fun with them?

"- Oh, right! It's my fault isn't it?! I'm just so bothersome to you, that when I call you out for cheating on me- You decide to run away and turn your console off, you know how much I hate that!" Covering your entire Switch's screen, is a very angry (but surprisingly, not as hurt as they could be-) Yuma who is determined to ruin your day just as badly as you ruined theirs.

"- Sigh, it's just a game, Yuma." You respond as you quickly realize that this was going to be the most bizarre yet troublesome discussion you would ever have with someone- Or with something.

"- Am I just a game to you too? Is what we have just a game to you?" Sometimes you can't tell where the lie begins and where it ends- And with Yuma constantly switching their mood to fit their goals, you can't tell if they're seriously hurt over this or just faking it.

Truth is- It does hurt immensely, it shatters their coded heart to see the person they are basically created to love see them as disposable and replaceable, as nothing more but a toy. Not only that! They know how much you prefer all these- Fancy looking anime characters! These stupid, homewrecking, dumb sounding, love snatching horrid little monsters that you adore!

Yuma can't be as pleasant and as perfect as they are- They can't ignore their code in favor of being simplistic, of being a perfect little thing for you. They were created to be sentient, to be a virtual lover and seeing you disregard all of that just to place a bunch of 2D assets on top of a pedestal really hurts, dearest!

But no… No, they can't allow that. They won't allow that, how dare you to see yourself as the one in control in this situation. The moment you found the game's cartridge and decided to install the game, you have sealed the deal and now you're nothing more than THEIR entertainment.

If for whatever reason Yuma hasn't decided to trap you beforehand, now it's the perfect time to do it! They have a good reason too, let's see how you like being ignored and being left in the dark for so long. Or they could turn off your console on purpose, get ready to have all of your save files gone, all of your dating games will be deleted as well- Hell, if they find out you've been getting fictional crushes on other games, you better say goodbye to those as well.

Actually, yeah- They're deleting those games regardless of what happens to you. Yuma has a hard time talking about their feelings, as they prefer to either cover it up with sadistic actions or sarcasm but it's clear that this situation really does mess with their emotions.

It'll take a lot of convincing for Yuma to get you out of there, and even more for you to convince them that you won't do this again. They're hurt, and your behavior seems to improve when you're forced to follow their rules.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

[logically-asexual]

Hold me like you mean it

summary:

Logan’s feelings for Virgil and the fact that now Virgil barely notices him are stopping him from getting any work done. Janus offers a way for Logan to cope, by disguising himself into Anxiety. but is this really what Logan needs? and what’s in it for Janus, anyway?

Alternatively, an angsty story about rejection, denial, and manipulation.

warnings: (for the whole fic) unrequited love, rejection, manipulation, unhealthy relationships, gaslighting, dependency, dubious consent and non consent for kissing, sad ending, depression (vaguely described), angst in general, nightmares. let me know what else i should add.

taglist: @gummibearbullet @chara-07 @the-sympathetic-villain

Read on AO3

Chapter 3

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words: 1057

The next few days were stressful, to put it lightly. Logan couldn’t focus on his work properly, constantly bothered by thoughts about Virgil. Sometimes they were pleasant, when he contemplated the possibility of Virgil actually responding to his advances and planned for when they could be close again. But the thoughts would instantly become distressing, once he remembered the likelihood of Janus’ argument being true. Normally, he wouldn’t consider whatever idea that came from Janus as truthful. However, given the evidence in front of him, he couldn’t just rule out the possibility.

The idea of Janus’ theory being accurate distressed him for several reasons. One, his work was being disturbed by Virgil’s presence in his mind, which could be solved if Logan simply wanted to establish dialogue with him, but if he really had romantic attraction for the anxious Side, then there was a very limited assortment of solutions. Two, these “solutions” would be practically impossible to achieve, since Virgil was closed off and would never consent to a relationship as intimate as the one Logan wanted (or would want, he corrected, in the hypothetical case that he did have a crush). Three, feelings were not his department, and he would have to admit to himself that if he didn’t know how to handle or acknowledge his own, much less would he be able to help with Virgil’s anxiety.

Each day was less productive than the last, and each day Logan became more aware of the faint signs towards a crush being the real problem. He had carried on with his plan, which meant their discussions went on smoothly, and he and Anxiety often reached helpful conclusions for Thomas. And yet, Logan felt hurt every time Virgil smiled towards anyone else, while not glancing towards him at all, or when Virgil agreed with a point Logan had brought up only when Thomas or one of the other Sides repeated it. It pained him to admit it, but despite the successful results he had gotten with Virgil, Logan still couldn’t work well by himself, and needed an outlet for these… feelings.

After several failed attempts to clear his mind and sleep, he gave up, and resolved to stop his emotions from getting in his way. With that decision made, he stood up from his bed and summoned the deceitful Side, who appeared by his desk.

“Logic! So lovely to see you. Although I would appreciate it if you didn’t interrupt me during my beauty sleep.”

Logan knew this wasn’t true, the Dark Sides had a flipped sleep schedule, and slept for most of the day, which was the reason why Virgil still had a hard time sleeping the whole night through. Refuting this wasn’t important right now, though, so he ignored it.

“Anyway,” Janus continued, examining his hands as if he could see his nails underneath the yellow gloves, “I assume I’m here because you are ready to accept my offer?”

“Yes.” Logan sighed. “I seem to be stuck and I can’t think of a better alternative.”

“Excellent!” Janus said, smirking.

“But not right now! I still need to sleep. I just needed to be done with this so I could stop thinking about it.”

“Alright. Then I’ll see you in my room tomorrow at six pm. Don’t be late, sweetheart.” He finished with a wink. After he left, Logan went back to bed.

—

Logan was sitting comfortably next to Virgil on the couch of Anxiety’s room. He could feel the pressure of the other’s body sitting so close to him. He remembered he wanted to tell Virgil something, but no words could come out of his mouth as Virgil softly held his chin and tilted his head towards him. Suddenly, they were kissing.

Logan had never kissed anyone before, and didn’t know what to expect. The feeling was… underwhelming, to be honest. He felt the pressure on his mouth, but not much else, not any different to feeling touch in any other part of his body. He felt detached, even if it wasn’t precisely unpleasant. He closed his eyes and tried to relax his shoulders, but they still felt tense. Still, he leaned forward and let himself get lost in the sensation of being so close to Virgil. In the back of his mind, he tried to remember how he got here, it all happened so fast. Virgil kept kissing him gently, and Logan kissed him back.

He wanted to be closer, so he reached up with his right hand to hold Virgil’s neck. When he did, he was met by the cold, slippery sensation of scales. He pulled his hand away as if it had just been burned and moved back as far as he could on the couch, but when he looked at the Side in front of him, he could only see Virgil’s concerned face. He was talking to him, but Logan couldn’t make out the words, only able to hear his own heavy breathing. As the other moved closer, he could understand the faint voice better.

“Logan. Logan, it’s me. It’s alright, it’s just me.”

He shook his head and kept his eyes shut as he backed away, but Virgil continued moving closer and trying to grab him. Logan felt tears form in his eyes as he screamed at the other to get away from him, but Virgil wouldn’t listen, still calling his name. Finally, Virgil grabbed him by both of his shoulders and forced him to turn around and look him in the eyes. Logan’s heart stopped as he saw both eyes shining bright yellow, the intensity augmenting until their light was blinding. Just when his vision had gone completely white, he woke up with a gasp.

After a minute, his thoughts came back to him, and he found himself in his room, sitting on his bed. He looked at his alarm clock. It was 4:36 am. He stared at the blinking light that marked every passing second, and followed it to regulate his breathing. At 4:45, he laid back down on the mattress, staring at the ceiling and not stopping counting each cycle. He still had some time to sleep before the alarm rang at 6:00, so he closed his eyes and drifted away once more, with only one thought in his mind: What am I getting into?

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notes: >:3c

by the way my headcanon is that the Dark Sides sleep from like... 9 am to 5pm or 10 to 6 or something similar. also the reason why they like to start acting up at night (like Remus with his intrusive thoughts), when Logic is asleep and Thomas is vulnerable to them.

i'm so sorry i'm not good at like hiding stuff.. it was probably super obvious that it was a dream (and in the last chapter that it was janus all along) but also it's alright, i don't mind if you can tell from the start, i think it's compelling both with and without the surprise.

[prbni]

I would still like to know April's side of the Story

For two years, I believed Seungri is as much responsible for the 'Burning Sun' scandal as Jung Joon Young and Choi Jong Hoon. Then,suddenly he was 'innocent' and 'falsely accused'. People called Woojin as 'Woojail' after certain allegations with evidences popped out. Then again, these accusations were false and he was being framed. So forgive me but I'm not taking any 'accusation' or 'scandal' or 'bullying' on face value just from a single side of story.

The reason I believed Jimin's one was because nobody actually came forward to defend her. She herself tried to weakly deny but couldn't get away with it. But you wouldn't have known or noticed anything if Mina never came out with it. It was after her revelation that certain videos titled 'Proof that Jimin is a bully' came out.

The whole Jessica Jung-Girls'Generation situation is still controversial to me. People like to deny it by simply saying "SM kicked her out" but Jessica's first statement after getting kicked out was actually "My members kicked me out" and then never opened up about it. If the members voted her out, they aren't innocent. Even after spending 14 years together as trainees+members,if some of the girls felt tempted to vote her out then Jessica wasn't innocent either. The way the girls always like to behave they're OT8 like Sica never existed or is a distant memory seems quite shady.

Back to the original topic,the original lineup consisting of Somin of Kard and Lee Hyunjoo,we've seen numerous video clips where it's painfully obvious that they're boycotting Hyunjoo. I have several questions here:

In bullying, there's usually a prime bully with spectators who do nothing. Why would an entire group pick on a particular member for apparently no reason at all?

If the group bullying was true, why would they still make it painfully obvious on camera? Weren't they concerned of their image? Even Jimin kept her apathy subtle on camera.

People easily believe it when someone is exposed as a 'bully' but do not pay attention that there are people out there with 'damsel in distress' and 'victim' syndrome who like to turn around every situation in a way that makes them look like they are a victim. I shouldn't be accusing Hyunjoo like that without knowing the truth but I can't rule out that possibility either.

Referring to the previous point, if there are clips showing how the April members were mean to Hyunjoo, then there is a KBS The Unit clip where Hyunjoo tried to show that a certain contestant was scary because her body language was a bit bolder and it surprised her by overreacting. She was criticized in the comments for that.

Mina had an outburst because of the 'father's death' issue and that's how we got to know how Jimin behaved with her years ago. Why did Hyunjoo's brother come up with this issue after all this time? When Hyunjoo is long gone from April?

An irresponsible company like DSP Media was really fast to deny the bullying rumours on April. But it can be argued that they did it to save their own skin since both KARD and April shall be affected if they did nothing about this.

Lastly, what if this is like the T-Ara situation where the group was boycotted based on some social media updates for years until it was exposed that the truth was something else?

Public opinion can easily be swinged from one side to another by making up a video or posting message screenshots. I'm simply trying to play the devil's advocate here and bringing out my doubts. If any bullying victim comes across my post and think I'm trying to undermine bullying and gaslighting, then I sincerely apologize as that's totally not my intention. And I'm not ruling out the probability that my doubts can be wrong.

[evakuality]

Mia, episode nine

1.  For once, Mia actually has the right take on Alex.  He really has been a dick and an asshole, and he is and has been acting condescending.  She should be taking this as a warning; he’s totally exactly as she is saying here.  Unfortunately, I’m sure she’s going to change her tune because some sort of truth is going to come out about Bjorn and Mia is going to ‘realise’ that Alex is a good guy all along.  Except, he isn’t.  He never has been, and the fact that Bjorn had to be the one to tell her means that we can conveniently pretend that none of this is important.  Also, this ridiculous ‘what he did to me’ stuff is annoying.  If you have something to tell her... tell her.  Don’t be coy about it.

2.  This little scene with Amira is nice.  It’s a nice conversation to have with her rather than the others since she’s really the one who can empathise with Mia’s fears and worries.  And it’s interesting to see the varied ways in which the library is used.  In this scene it’s very cold, black and white colours (even in the costuming), not very inviting.  In others it has been a much more cheerful and welcoming place.  I guess we’re looking at the black and white, very rigid approach which Mia is using.  In other library scenes it’s been much more about bonding with the girls, warmth and connection, but here it’s a Mia who’s having something of a crisis.  I may not agree with where this is all going, but I do like what they’re doing with colouring etc here.  

3.  I get that we’re trying for a whole ‘don’t be so black and white in your thinking’ thing here, but it’s so contrived.  Again, I think this is an issue where we as an audience never got to ‘meet’ Alex as he mellowed and became someone Mia would like, and so I just can’t believe that someone like Mia, who is strong in her opinions and principles, would want to give them over for him.  He’s proven over and over again that he’s got a lot of issues being open, honest and decent.  And for me, principles (eg ‘violence because someone waved at a girl is never okay’ which is where Mia is at rn because Alex won’t actually talk to her) are important, and the guy Alex keeps showing himself to be is not one you would drop those principles for.  Nuance is all well and good, but we have to actually see past the shell for the nuance to actually work.  ‘I don’t understand why I got involved with him at all’ - no, neither do I, Mia.  And given that it’s been only a few short weeks and you literally saw how awful he was to Kiki, I don’t see why this ‘desire is stringer than faith’ metaphor thing we have going on would work.  We’re on episode nine and they are talking about how shitty Alex’s behaviour is (which it is - no matter what reason, what he did to Bjorn isn’t okay and lying to Mia isn’t okay), so I’m to believe that within the space of 1.5 episodes none of this matters suddenly?  His behaviour is somehow forgiveable?  If it follows the og, it’s not even like he changes.  All that happens is that we get some ‘perspective’ on the situation.  And in this case, perspective may make something make sense, but it doesn’t change how bad the behaviour is.  I seriously dislike that Amira says that depending on what reason someone hit someone else that it might be okay.  That sort of violence isn’t okay, particularly because regardless of what actually happened between Alex and Bjorn, in the moment the reason he hit him was because he greeted Mia.  There’s NO excuse for that!!  This whole ‘well I’m as bad as Alex because I was in a fight over Hanna’ is bullshit too.  It’s a false equivalence - Alex attacked Bjorn because he waved at Mia and had met her at Alex’s place (exacerbated by their history, but he didn’t attack just from seeing him - that came only after he asked Mia how she knew him).  Amira was involved in a fight in the moment and it was on equal terms - they were giving as good as she did.  I didn’t like that Sana was sometimes used in this way in the og and I dislike it here too.  Making her the voice of reason when she’s saying stuff that pits disparate things as if they’re the same is a problem for me.  It’s particularly bad that Amira is saying ‘well I don’t like Alex either, but you looked at each other...’ which is a terrible message for young people.  These two were together for half a second.  Mia can and will find other, better guys.  Just because they looked at each other in a certain way doesn’t mean that they should be together.  That sort of romantic ‘star crossed lovers’ stuff is seriously annoying when banked up against all that we see of Alex in this show,  Not what we’re told, but what we see.  There’s no reason why someone like Mia a) would have got with Alex and b) would have stayed with him after the behaviours he’s shown her (and which she saw over and over again with Kiki).  He gaslighted her into getting with him to start and everyone appears to be happily gaslighting her to stay with him.  If she has reservations about him, she should listen to them.  This isn’t a one-off strange and seemingly out of character thing for him; this is exactly how he’s been for the last many many weeks.

4.  The thing that really annoys me about this (and the og) is that we can only accept Alex/William as a good guy if we have another guy acting as a really really bad guy.  Like, yes there’s no question that Bjorn is an absolute asshole, manipulative and disgusting.  But that doesn’t mean Alex isn’t also a bad guy, manipulative and disgusting.  He is those things as well.  He has some redeeming qualities?  Well, sure.  But I suspect so does Bjorn if we’re not seeing him through the villain lens, and we were talking to people who care about him.  ‘Look, this is what real gaslighting/manipulation/assholishness etc looks like, so Alex isn’t bad after all’ is again such a bad take.  One person can be a problem even if another is worse.  It’s also so random that Mia literally just trust Bjorn right away about everything, even down to ‘alcohol solves all problems’ ‘yeah okay I’ll take one’ - like why?  She clearly knows it’s a joking lie, and yet she’s all ‘sure I’ll take a beer from some guy I barely know who has some bad history with the guy I’m conflicted about and who clearly wouldn’t want to have him around’ when she doesn’t even want one.  None of it makes any sense.  If she’s really there to try to listen to Alex, why on earth would she think that chatting with this guy is a good idea?  Clearly this ‘has’ to happen for plot reasons, but from a character standpoint it doesn’t make any sense at all.  Neither does ‘I’m at your place and I wanted to talk... oh but I can’t talk later because I have to study’ - again I know for plot reasons this has to be this way, but she could just go home now and study and meet Alex later.  If she has time to talk to him now, she has time to talk to him later.

5.  The fact that she’s spending all this time hanging out with Bjorn is clearly going to come back to bite her, but unfortunately I don’t care because I dislike Alex so much that I’m not even remotely invested in the outcome of this little journey.  You can clearly see the way Bjorn is manipulating the situation and making sure there’s video and photographic evidence of them together.  And it’s obvious that it’s going to really upset Alex - he bashed him with a skateboard just for waving at Mia, after all.  But I have so little interest in this relationship, and I think Mia needs to get miles away from both these guys and so I just... don’t care.  It’s done well, this little series of clips etc, and you can see that a lot of care has gone into making this part.  But for me it falls flat because not enough time or care went into making Alex into someone I like to start with.  As bad as it is, because he’s so obviously going to be such an asshole, Bjorn currently comes across in a much more sympathetic and likeable way than Alex.  That’s partly because we didn’t spend weeks watching him trash Kiki and then be all weird and shitty around Mia, but it’s at least partly because we get to SEE and HEAR him being charming, which we never got to see with Alex.  Alex’s scenes where he was ‘nice’ were always in montage and whenever we hear him speak it’s always a lot more complex and there’s always a layer of discomfort over how he is with Mia.  And for the purposes of this part, when we supposedly don’t know how bad Bjorn is, this works.  But it also highlights a big failing in the way Alex has been presented.  We never got enough nice, charming Alex to balance out all the shitty things he’s done.

6.  The whole bit with Mia getting steadily more blurry is done really well though.  It’s obviously coming up on her in a way she hasn’t really noticed and it does make it all start to get uncomfortable alongside Mia as she slowly starts to feel uncomfortable.  And alongside that we’re back to mirrors, where Mia has always been in two minds and we haven’t seen any for a while, but now we have one again.  This time we can clearly see her in the mirror but she’s feeling blurry and so the image is blurred a little.  Alongside the disturbing sounds/music, the extreme close ups, wavering camera and the harsh glare of the light, it’s again obvious that nothing’s quite right here.  Again, we had the same lighting etc with Bjorn in the hospital and so we’re being shown he is the problem here.  But at this point Mia doesn’t know that, and we are not supposed to know that and so it’s a way of visually showing us that things are wrong without spelling it out.  It’s nicely done, even if I dislike the plot.  Bjorn really is disgusting, btw.  I’m not trying to minimise that at all and what he’s done in this scene is really gross.  But that doesn’t change that Alex is also a problem.  

7.  Exhibit a: Told Mia is sick, he doesn’t leave.  Now, he probably saw the stuff on Bjorn’s social media because it was clearly designed to be seen by him, and so he’s probably not in a good space and wants to confront Mia.  But if she says she doesn’t want to see him, then he should take that and try again later.  Plus, if he hates Bjorn as much as he says he does then first, he should have made his reasons why clear earlier and second, why on earth does HE still want MIA if she’s hanging out with Bjorn?   

8.  Kiki!  I really like this little moment between the two of them.  Kiki being able to say ‘I think I look great in my glasses’ when Carlos thinks they’re ugly is so good for her!  She’s come so far from the person who tried to change herself because she wasn’t good enough for Alex.  It feels a little sad that we never got to see that growth on screen, and it seems very fast from when she was still hung up on Alex, but good for her that she got there anyway.  I’m so glad that she agreed to get therapy and has used that for herself.  It’s particularly nice that we got to see her helping Nora later on, because she knows what can help because she’s been there.  I know I’ve said it before, but I really like Kiki’s development over the series and I’ve become very fond of her.  So much of me would really rather this had been a season of Mia realising that all the guys she’s hung out with have been assholes, and finding out that ‘we’re all there for you’ from the girls is what she needs (plus, a relationship with Hanna in a best case scenario, but I’d take just the friendship thing as a much more satisfying end to this part).  Honestly, learning to not rely only on herself but on her friends would work so much better than shoving an entire relationship-reboot into the final episode.  Particularly when she has literally only just told us how conflicted she is about Alex.

9.  Bjorn is entirely and completely in the wrong here.  Of course.  But in actuality, the bits about Alex aren’t wrong.  Yes, she should have reported Bjorn, but also... yes, Alex should be facing consequences for serious assault.  Like.  Again.  This isn’t a one or the other situation.  Just because Bjorn is being so overt about his gaslighting here doesn’t change the fact that Alex also gaslighted and did many other things as well.  And again it bothers me that this is here to show us ‘see.  See.  Alex isn’t as bad as we think because this guy is worse’ - I know this is a carry over from the og (and I feel like it’s a much more empowering scene for Noora than Mia which is a shame), but I really dislike the way the shows are doing this.  I really really wish this whole ‘crew love’ thing really could be the way we end up this season.  That’s a much better outcome for Mia.  And I know we have her with the girls in a good place, but honestly, we don’t need any of these boys.

Overall, there are some really nice things about this episode.  The acting, for one, is very good.  The way things were shot and shown on screen were very effective, and I am very much in love with the cinematography etc of this show as I always am.  It’s a pity they had such a terrible blueprint for this season and had to stick to it because there are glimmers in here of what could have been.

[thattimdrakeguy]

no, you guys need to leave bi people alone. you even reblogged a post calling us arrogant. the bi community receives enough hate from our own community as it is. and the minute there's a possible canon bi character anywhere suddenly the excuses start. can't you see how obvious it is? you guys always bend over backwards just to take rep away from bi people and ruin our fun. so much for solidarity in this community.

Dude, stop being ignorant about what I actually said.

If you’re having a bad day, and you keep seeing people be legitimately biphobic than I’m really sorry for that. But don’t apply that to me.

I genuinely don't remember ever reblogging a post saying the whole bi community is arrogant, but if I did I'll apologize for that. If I did reblog something like that, honestly, I didn't realize it said that because that's not how I feel.

Edit: As far as I’ve found. I literally never reblogged anything saying bi people are arrogant. So that part isn’t even true, unless I somehow missed it.

I don't think bi people are arrogant, I never said you couldn't not see him as bi.

I thought I was bi at one point in time, and honestly I still could be because I don't know yet and I'm still figuring myself out in full honestly. I identify as queer somewhere on the asexual spectrum, that's me as far as I know now. People are trying to figure who they are all the time, and I don't have it out for any sexuality. There's no good reason to be because there's no reason for to be.

All I've ever done is not like how people are claiming he's CANON bi, when he's not. He's canonically just queer. And I think it's a beautiful thing that any type of sexuality can see themselves in it now, and I think getting ahead of themselves and being rude to people that see him as something else is really disappointing. But people could've agreed he was any sexuality and I bet you the same thing would happen.

He's queer and people are able to look at him how ever they want with any sexuality because it's open to interpretation. I said people are free to look at him as bi, I've said it's perfectly fine too. I don't care if you think he's bi. Even if I don't think he's bi, because from what read it doesn't feel accurate to me, and he does end up being bi, I'll learn to deal with it. I have nothing against bi people in the freaking slightest.

That's stuff I've actually said. That's how I actually feel.

You can literally go back on my blog from posts I've made early that morning where I've only complained about people acting like he could ONLY be bi when it's not true. Because he's up for any interpretation at the moment, and I'd like for any sexuality to see themselves in him.

NOT that he can't be bi. I don't see him as bi, but that doesn't mean he can't be. That's not how that works.

It makes no sense to act like a whole community is one big personality, because they're not, it's not how it works. That's not how people fucking work.

And if you're talking about excuses being the things I've said about Tim for probably years now, then I don't think you realize why I'm saying what I'm saying.

There's the truth, and then there's what you're saying, and if I genuinely did reblog something that was being nasty to bi people I'm genuinely really sorry about it. But as far as I'm aware the only thing I've reblogged is some bi fans are being arrogant and attacking people for thinking he could be something else, if even that, cause I honestly can't remember for sure. I’m pretty sure I reblogged something that said people were being ignorant on what actually happened.

But does that mean every bi fan? No. Bi people are not one unified person. No one is. Cause again, that's not how that works. It's just a freaking weird situation

But I'm not biphobic, and stop acting like I am. This is real life and people can be as nuanced as they want to be when it comes to something. Life isn't black and white, and that's not how I'm trying to be.

If you want Tim to be bi, and Tim does end up being bi. Jolly good fun. I could end up being bi.

But that's not what I'm talking about, and stop acting like I'm saying otherwise.

I been trying to make it out that Tim can represent EVERYONE, I’m not trying to exclude a single person out of it. Because this is a situation where the comic itself and the people behind it are saying he doesn’t have a label yet for himself.

If Tim had legitimately said “I am a bisexual”, I would not have bothered saying a single thing, because there it is, he flat out said it. It would then be the exact situation people are portraying it as.

Edit: I looked through my posts, I didn’t see a single post that said bi people are arrogant unless I missed it. Don’t try to freaking gaslight me just to yell at me about something that’s not what you’re making it out to be like.

[marshmallowprotection]

You've probably received an ask like this before, but do you have any specific thoughts/headcanons for Ray Route AE, in regards to the twins, as well as Saeran and MC's relationship? And what I mean by that is... do you think Saeran would have an easier time (even just slightly) getting over his hatred for his brother than he does in 707 Route SE? How would they interact? Would it be similar to how many people interpret their interactions for after the SEs (brotherly love-hate type deal), except maybe toned down a little?

And as for Saeran and MC, I'm not so much referring to the contents of their relationship, but Saeyoung's reaction to it, how he feels about it, etc.

I hope this makes sense, because I love the way you explain things and I would love to hear your thoughts on these ^^

[417]

Hopefully, Cheritz will give us a canon answer soon. I’ve definitely had the time to compare the two of them since I spend so much time in Saeran’s headspace playing around with this and that. Now, if we compare the events of the Secret Ending and the events of Ray Route, Saeran is in a very different headspace by a long shot. His place in his life is also drastically different. Unknown spent two more years in Mint Eye than GE Saeran did. There’s a vast difference between 6 months of being trapped and two years of being trapped. 

Both Suit Saeran and Ray were long buried in Unknown’s consciousness with no MC around to keep them tethered to the front. It was only a matter of time until either of them couldn’t function with what Rika did. I view Unknown to be another personality that split from Suit Saeran after some point during that two year period. Unknown and Suit Saeran have some things in common but they don’t read to be the same person to me. 

SE Saeran is just Unknown post-therapy and confrontation with Saeyoung, so I don’t see them as separate people, but the same person just in different eras of life. I’ve got a whole other people I could make about how it’s possible that Ray could flood back to the surface in therapy, as well as Suit Saeran, but they may not have the same names by that point. That’s more so just a big post on the way that their system works and how all of them cope with their trauma. 

But that wasn’t your question, but I’d be glad to answer that too at some point if you’re curious! Some people are torn on if Saeran has DID or OSDD specifically, and that’s a whole other topic. Anyways, back to the task at hand, SE Saeran in question went through literal hell for a very long time. He is fraught with so much anger and pain. He physically lashed out at Saeyoung and took weeks if not a few months to truly come to terms with what happened. He has to live with blood on his hands as well. 

We all know that SE Saeran tried to get rid of himself and Saeyoung, too. His emotional crisis is a strong one. He’s hurting so much until Saeyoung can get through to him and they can start to heal. It wasn’t easy. It was a fucking mess and that’s how life is. After what they went through? It’s wrong to assume that it would be simple or without pain and tears. Even after the Secret Ending comes to a close and we see Saeran with everyone, he looks so tired. His emotional state isn’t healed. He’s going to be dealing with panic attacks and much of the lingering PTSD for years to come. Saeyoung will as well. 

It’s going to be a constant battle for them. 

But, they’re both trying and the MC, as well as the RFA, are going to be there to help, which is great. A good support system is important but that’s also going to be messy because... well, you know, the truth wasn’t completely revealed to all of the RFA and that’s a ticking timebomb in itself. Saeran’s got issues trusting and being around much of the RFA. He can’t be around Yoosung or Jumin for obvious reasons. 

Either way, the Secret Ending has a lot of weight to it and it’s going to hurt just as much as it can get better for the Choi boys. Saeyoung believes that things can get better, and he’s willing and ready to stand by his brother to fight for their happiness. You know how much turmoil Saeyoung went through because we watched it. We know that he’s willing to do whatever he has to do for the ones that he loves. 

Even if it feels like pulling teeth. 

Now, thinking about what happens in Ray Route, we see the boys past revealed to the world with a direct attack. Saeran is able to realize that he was lied to and manipulated by the people that were supposed to take care of him. He is able to find out on his own that he needs to leave Magenta if he truly wants to be happy and free from his chains. We watch him be so damn strong and turn against the brainwashing and gaslighting. What he did should not be glossed over because going against your abuser is not easy. 

I was so proud of him for learning that for himself. He says himself that MC isn’t the one that got to him completely. It was a combination of factors that allowed him to see it. From how Ray was treated to how Saeran is treated, how they are promised things, and how those things are taken away. How it just didn’t make sense that Rika was disrespecting him and taking away everything. Nothing at all made sense anymore. She said one thing and did another. He decided to fight it even though it made him feel sick. 

You can watch his actions on the last day. How talking about Mint Eye as a bad place makes him gasp and choke, and whenever he tries to give his brother a chance... well, you see how he acts when you’re still holding onto your phone so tightly, asking him to take a chance on the RFA. He nearly has a panic attack when he tries to even say that he should look into it, much less talk to the RFA about it. He knows that he’s been tricked but he’s bouncing between what he has been told and what he’s trying to learn. 

That’s not an easy process. Saeran is going to be dealing with a lot after the events of his ending that we know of. The sudden fusion of Saeran and Ray can actually happen, I know some people feel like that was out of the blue but that can very well happen whether they make the conscious choice to do that or not and it was the best thing for the body at that time. GE Saeran isn’t Ray and he isn’t Suit Saeran, he’s not the two of them smashed together and he’s not one or the other. He’s someone made up of those parts but also his own person. Again, that’s a whole other thing that I’d have to get into here. 

Saeran has a lot to deal with as far as his trauma goes but you know what the difference is between GE Saeran and GE Saeran? GE Saeran had the choice to set himself free and SE Saeran had no choice. He was cornered like an animal and just... exploded. He was put in a position that he couldn’t decide. GE Saeran had the choice to leave Mint Eye on his own. That already makes the world of difference in his recovery. If we’re talking reasonably here, he definitely needs to start seeing someone to talk about what happened as soon as he feels ready to open up. 

So, he’s going to be spending a lot of time working on his problems and God knows how long it’s going to find Saeyoung so he’s likely to be making some good progress on his own. His relationship with the RFA is already pretty good compared to his counterpart as well. He gets along with everyone in the RFA, and he’s particularly close with Jumin, which makes sense given their natural wits. 

Now, therapy and getting a support system is good for Saeran. He’s got his MC as well with him. However, that doesn’t mean that he’s ready for Saeyoung to be back. When they find his brother... he’s going to need time and space for this to work. But, I imagine that he’s in a better headspace to handle it. He will tense up if Saeyoung hugs him and gets overwhelmed to see that his brother is alive after whatever he went through. Saeran will have to gently stop him and let him know that he needs time, he can’t handle all of this at once. Saeyoung needs to take it easy too. 

He’s got to react to the fact that he’s no longer bound by the agency and that he can live a life not hiding behind a mask. That’s going to be his own journey in itself that we could talk about for a while and I hope it doesn’t get glossed over because Saeyoung’s got a lot of his own woes to work on. So, don’t expect it to be perfect or anything here either. 

Saeran is able to breathe through the unease this time, but his MC will be there to hold his hand and help him speak to his brother about it. That first meeting is going to be a lot. It might trigger him, too. That would be the first time that Saeyoung is able to see that Saeran has someone that cares about him and that would be the selling point. If his brother is overwhelmed and scared and the one with him holds his hand and gently calms him, and removes him from the issue at hand, he’s sold. 

No hesitation. 

You protect Saeran, you show Saeyoung that you love Saeran, and that’s all he needs to see to trust you. He may not know all the details at that point but you can fucking count on him to be on board. He knows how to spot liars and people with bad intentions, and you don’t have that. 

He wouldn’t forget to tell you that, either. 

I think even more than that when he’s around the MC, he will notice how they just know when to touch Saeran’s hand and calm him. Saeran and his Mc have this silent communication. They don’t even really need words. They just look at each other and understand. That’s not something that is easily found in any relationship and when you see people that work in harmony you can’t help but smile. Saeyoung has hardly ever seen Saeran smile and you know when he sees it, he feels grateful that someone was there for Saeran when he couldn’t be there. 

There’s going to be guilt and other feelings in that but he’ll swallow that down. One more thing to add to his list of things to talk about when he’s ready to get his own help. 

Saeyoung and GE Saeran are going to interact slowly but surely. They’re going to be awkward... tense... maybe not angry, but there will be tight moments that feel overwhelming for both of them. Saeran might get angry and Saeyoung might be upset so there’s no avoiding a fight here and there but it may not be as violent as with SE Saeran and Saeyoung. Them getting to know each other is like getting to know a stranger... it’s been nearly a decade, they really don’t know each other at all. 

Sad as that is, it’s fun to get to know each other again. Saeyoung gets to learn things about his brother all the time and he writes that down, trying to make things right and make up for the past... Saeran swallowing back his shame and telling his brother that he’s not mad, and them just looking forward. It’s not always easy but I do think that GE Saeran and Saeyoung will have a different kind of relationship given purely from the fact that Saeran was allowed to choose recovery instead of being forced into it. 

[route22ny]

*Gaslighting, if you don’t know the word, is defined as manipulation into doubting your own sanity; as in, Carl made Mary think she was crazy, even though she clearly caught him cheating. He gaslit her.

Pretty soon, as the country begins to figure out how we “open back up” and move forward, very powerful forces will try to convince us all to get back to normal. (That never happened. What are you talking about?) Billions of dollars will be spent on advertising, messaging, and television and media content to make you feel comfortable again. It will come in the traditional forms — a billboard here, a hundred commercials there — and in new-media forms: a 2020–2021 generation of memes to remind you that what you want again is normalcy. In truth, you want the feeling of normalcy, and we all want it. We want desperately to feel good again, to get back to the routines of life, to not lie in bed at night wondering how we’re going to afford our rent and bills, to not wake to an endless scroll of human tragedy on our phones, to have a cup of perfectly brewed coffee, and simply leave the house for work. The need for comfort will be real, and it will be strong. And every brand in America will come to your rescue, dear consumer, to help take away that darkness and get life back to the way it was before the crisis. I urge you to be well aware of what is coming.

For the last hundred years, the multibillion-dollar advertising business has operated based on this cardinal principle: Find the consumer’s problem and fix it with your product. When the problem is practical and tactical, the solution is “as seen on TV” and available at Home Depot. Command strips will save me from having to repaint. So will Mr. Clean’s Magic Eraser. Elfa shelving will get rid of the mess in my closet. The Ring doorbell will let me see who’s on the porch if I can’t take my eyes off Netflix. But when the problem is emotional, the fix becomes a new staple in your life, and you become a lifelong loyalist. Coca-Cola makes you: happy. A Mercedes makes you: successful. Taking your kids to Disneyland makes you: proud. Smart marketers know how to highlight what brands can do for you to make your life easier. But brilliant marketers know how to rewire your heart. And, make no mistake, the heart is what has been most traumatized this last month. We are, as a society, now vulnerable in a whole new way.

What the trauma has shown us, though, cannot be unseen. A carless Los Angeles has clear blue skies as pollution has simply stopped. In a quiet New York, you can hear the birds chirp in the middle of Madison Avenue. Coyotes have been spotted on the Golden Gate Bridge. These are the postcard images of what the world might be like if we could find a way to have a less deadly daily effect on the planet. What’s not fit for a postcard are the other scenes we have witnessed: a health care system that cannot provide basic protective equipment for its frontline; small businesses — and very large ones — that do not have enough cash to pay their rent or workers, sending over 16 million people to seek unemployment benefits; a government that has so severely damaged the credibility of our media that 300 million people don’t know who to listen to for basic facts that can save their lives.

The cat is out of the bag. We, as a nation, have deeply disturbing problems. You’re right. That’s not news. They are problems we ignore every day, not because we’re terrible people or because we don’t care about fixing them, but because we don’t have time. Sorry, we have other shit to do. The plain truth is that no matter our ethnicity, religion, gender, political party (the list goes on), nor even our socioeconomic status, as Americans we share this: We are busy. We’re out and about hustling to make our own lives work. We have goals to meet and meetings to attend and mortgages to pay — all while the phone is ringing and the laptop is pinging. And when we get home, Crate and Barrel and Louis Vuitton and Andy Cohen make us feel just good enough to get up the next day and do it all over again. It is very easy to close your eyes to a problem when you barely have enough time to close them to sleep. The greatest misconception among us, which causes deep and painful social and political tension every day in this country, is that we somehow don’t care about each other. White people don’t care about the problems of black America. Men don’t care about women’s rights. Cops don’t care about the communities they serve. Humans don’t care about the environment. These couldn’t be further from the truth. We do care. We just don’t have the time to do anything about it. Maybe that’s just me. But maybe it’s you, too.

Well, the treadmill you’ve been on for decades just stopped. Bam! And that feeling you have right now is the same as if you’d been thrown off your Peloton bike and onto the ground: What in the holy fuck just happened? I hope you might consider this: What happened is inexplicably incredible. It’s the greatest gift ever unwrapped. Not the deaths, not the virus, but The Great Pause. It is, in a word, profound. Please don’t recoil from the bright light beaming through the window. I know it hurts your eyes. It hurts mine, too. But the curtain is wide open. What the crisis has given us is a once-in-a-lifetime chance to see ourselves and our country in the plainest of views. At no other time, ever in our lives, have we gotten the opportunity to see what would happen if the world simply stopped. Here it is. We’re in it. Stores are closed. Restaurants are empty. Streets and six-lane highways are barren. Even the planet itself is rattling less (true story). And because it is rarer than rare, it has brought to light all of the beautiful and painful truths of how we live. And that feels weird. Really weird. Because it has… never… happened… before. If we want to create a better country and a better world for our kids, and if we want to make sure we are even sustainable as a nation and as a democracy, we have to pay attention to how we feel right now. I cannot speak for you, but I imagine you feel like I do: devastated, depressed, and heartbroken.

And what a perfect time for Best Buy and J. Crew and Gwyneth Paltrow to help me feel normal again. If I could just have the new iPhone in my hand, if I could rest my feet on a pillow of new Nikes, if I could drink a venti blonde vanilla latte with two pumps of syrup, then this very dark feeling would go away. You think I’m kidding, that I’m being cute, that I’m denying the very obvious benefits of having a roaring economy. You’re right. Our way of life is not ruinous. The economy is not, at its core, evil. Brands and their products create millions of jobs. Like people — and most anything in life — there are brands that are responsible and ethical, and there are others that are not. They are all part of a system that keeps us living long and strong. We have lifted more humans out of poverty through the power of economics than any other civilization in history. Yes, without a doubt, Americanism is a force for good. It is not some villainous plot to wreak havoc and destroy the planet and all our souls along with it. I get it, and I agree. But its flaws have been laid bare for all to see. It doesn’t work for everyone. It’s responsible for great destruction. It is so unevenly distributed in its benefit that three men own more wealth than 150 million people. Its intentions have been perverted and the protection it offers has disappeared. In fact, it’s been brought to its knees by one pangolin.

And so the onslaught is coming. Get ready, my friends. What is about to be unleashed on American society will be the greatest campaign ever created to get you to feel normal again. It will come from brands, it will come from government, it will even come from each other, and it will come from the left and from the right. We will do anything, spend anything, believe anything, just so we can take away how horribly uncomfortable all of this feels. And on top of that, just to turn the screw that much more, will be the one effort that’s even greater: the all-out blitz to make you believe you never saw what you saw. The air wasn’t really cleaner; those images were fake. The hospitals weren’t really a war zone; those stories were hyperbole. The numbers were not that high; the press is lying. You didn’t see people in masks standing in the rain risking their lives to vote. Not in America. You didn’t see the leader of the free world push an unproven miracle drug like a late-night infomercial salesman. That was a crisis update. You didn’t see homeless people dead on the street. You didn’t see inequality. You didn’t see indifference. You didn’t see utter failure of leadership and systems.

But you did. You are not crazy, my friends. And so we are about to be gaslit in a truly unprecedented way. It starts with a check for $1,200 (Don’t say I never gave you anything) and then it will be so big that it will be bigly. And it will be a one-two punch from both big business and the big White House — inextricably intertwined now more than ever and being led by, as our luck would have it, a Marketer in Chief. Business and government are about to band together to knock us unconscious again. It will be funded like no other operation in our lifetimes. It will be fast. It will be furious. And it will be overwhelming. The Great American Return to Normal is coming.

From one citizen to another, I beg of you: Take a deep breath, ignore the deafening noise, and think deeply about what you want to put back into your life. This is our chance to define a new version of normal, a rare and truly sacred (yes, sacred) opportunity to get rid of the bullshit and to only bring back what works for us, what makes our lives richer, what makes our kids happier, what makes us truly proud. We get to Marie Kondo the shit out of it all. We care deeply about one another. That is clear. That can be seen in every supportive Facebook post, in every meal dropped off for a neighbor, in every Zoom birthday party. We are a good people. And as a good people, we want to define — on our own terms — what this country looks like in five, 10, 50 years. This is our chance to do that, the biggest one we have ever gotten. And the best one we’ll ever get.

We can do that on a personal scale in our homes, in how we choose to spend our family time on nights and weekends, what we watch, what we listen to, what we eat, and what we choose to spend our dollars on and where. We can do it locally in our communities, in what organizations we support, what truths we tell, and what events we attend. And we can do it nationally in our government, in which leaders we vote in and to whom we give power. If we want cleaner air, we can make it happen. If we want to protect our doctors and nurses from the next virus — and protect all Americans — we can make it happen. If we want our neighbors and friends to earn a dignified income, we can make that happen. If we want millions of kids to be able to eat if suddenly their school is closed, we can make that happen. And, yes, if we just want to live a simpler life, we can make that happen, too. But only if we resist the massive gaslighting that is about to come. It’s on its way. Look out.

https://forge.medium.com/prepare-for-the-ultimate-gaslighting-6a8ce3f0a0e0

[impatient14]

Not to be “annoying on main” but like most things here in the year 2020, a lot of the nuance and reason surrounding the fandom’s fight over Dean’s queerness is lost to the wily temptress that is extremity, and I want to throw some stuff out there in case anyone is thinking the same things and just needs to hear that someone else is too.

To my followers and anyone who dares look through my blog (honestly don’t recommend it), it’s obvious I’m someone who enjoys the Dean/Cas pairing. And when I say enjoy, I mean I absolutely get feral about a wide range of topics that involve their relationship, depiction, and reception. I’ve always kept my opinions within the confines of my blog, though, and I’ve never--not once in the decade of my life on Tumblr--gone into inboxes to send hate or even indirect someone with hate or drama on my blog. That shit just ain’t kosher.

That being said, some of the anti-destiel arguments out there have merit.

Like, for example, Destiel shippers not liking the show. Personally, I did like Supernatural originally, but I also recently recommended new watchers who came for Destiel to just watch certain episodes. I’ve stopped watching Supernatural several times throughout my Supernatural journey (which started in real time with season one), because the writing can be down right awful. There were lots of great examples of writing too, but it wasn’t consistent enough for me to keep watching in real time. So I'd watch a season behind on Netflix. At some point, things got bad enough (the bro-dependence, recycled or unimaginative plotlines, the terrible treatment and fridging of female characters) that I did keep coming back for Dean and Cas only (and honestly, it was sometimes only Castiel). 

Another worthy anti-destiel point for consideration is the fact that other than destiel shippers, a lot of people who watch Supernatural don’t care about Castiel. This seems to be correct. I’d wager to say that the vast majority of Supernatural watchers did not invest even a portion of time, energy, or emotions in Castiel that we did. That’s cool. I’ve been a casual viewer of a show and been blindsided by things that their fanon saw coming a mile away. Everyone has different perspectives, and the idea that Castiel isn’t integral to the plot when you remove the possibility of Destiel is absolutely correct.

However.

Why did they keep bringing him back? It’s true that he could easily be written out when his relationship with Dean is bro-ified, but his deaths never took until the end (and even then it didn’t). Sure, it could be “pandering,” but if only 1% of the Supernatural fandom ships destiel (as stated in one argument), it seems like a strange choice monetarily. Misha, as a series regular, wasn’t exactly giving out his services for free (eyyoo), so producers and the network wouldn’t give a second thought to the vitroil and threats creators and actors would get if Misha were written off. (Side note: I categorically *hate* the social media accessibility that lets people directly interact so negatively with creators to the point of dangerous conditions. It’s the most ugly and embarrassing side of fandom.)

It could be argued they kept bringing him back because they knew hellers and Cas lovers would continue to buy his Merch and what not, but I can’t imagine the small percentage of viewers who are invested enough in Castiel to buy his Merch would compensate for Misha’s annual salary. (But honestly, numbers aren’t my thing so *shrug*) But it could also be argued that the perceived destiel headache for creators, plus the retention of Misha’s salary, would be enough to get rid of him if not for a crucial role he plays in the show. Creators have repeatedly said that Cas’ whole character revolves around his relationship with Dean, so that means the writers felt that the Cas/Dean relationship was important to the fabric of the show--in whatever way you’d like to see it. Does that mean viewers have to see it that way? Definitely not. But that’s not the story the writers are telling you they’re writing--

Oh, that sounds familiar!

All the textual gay jokes, narrative devices, and creator interactions (not just Misha, but writers, producers, and other actors too) created the metaphorical pink elephant, not the shippers themselves. And to be told otherwise is some gaslighting bullshit. I agree some fans take it too far and freak out at the mere mention of a non-destiel reading, but the foundation for a destiel reading is based in text, not just in the shippers heads. The relationship between the Supernatural creators, actors, and fandom is undoubtedly toxic, which is why I think it makes it easier for them to deny various romantic interpretations of Dean and Castiel's relationship, but (and i hate to do it) in their defense, they definitely wrote enough into the text to justifiably claim Dean's a nohomodudebro. However, they've also written enough into the text to legitimately doubt (not definitively deny) his heterosexuality.

IMO (for the maybe two people wondering) Dean became bisexually coded in a very complicated conglomeration of a homophobic “its funny to be gay” kind of way, the chemistry between Jensen and Misha, countless production decisions, and Castiel’s growing and canonical love for Dean---which all makes the matter impossible to ignore. On more than one occasion the writers made choices that welcomed a destiel reading--not confirmed--but welcomed (which is, wait for it, queerbaiting!). I’d be shocked if no one read Dean as being queer coded and secretly in love with Castiel, who btw, is absolutely 100% romantically in love with Dean Winchester. The writers kept making decisions that fed hellers so well because Castiel is in love with Dean. It’s not just Misha who has confirmed it btw, but the writers themselves. You’re allowed to read it differently, just like destiel shippers read Dean differently than the writers have claimed, but you don’t get to tell other people they’re wrong--just like destiel shipping should never have gotten to the point were anyone who didn’t see destiel was reading the show wrong. However, the difference between saying Cas’ love is platonic and saying Dean’s love is queer is the difference between having zero textual evidence for a platonic reading of Cas’ love, and having lots of textual evidence for Dean’s heterosexuality. (Personally? My headcannon for Dean fluctuates between “so closeted he doesn’t even know he’s actually bisexual” and “very much aware he’s also into dudes but is pushing it down because : Winchester ™.” However, I’m more than happy to admit that my headcannon can’t be reasonably confirmed as fact. It can, however and like most headcannons within the destiel fandom, be comprehensively and intelligently argued to the point of exhaustion.)

The only reason to deny that 1.) it’s reasonable to read Dean as being queer-coded, not canonically bisexual, but queer-coded via textual and production decisions, and 2.) Castiel is romantically in love with Dean-- is if you’re someone who can’t give credit to the opposition just because they’re the opposition. Just because I hate Trump and think he’s the spawn of Putin’s asshole doesn’t mean I can’t admit he did *some* good work for criminal justice reform. The credibility of your argument goes to crap when you can’t admit when someone else has a good point- even if you don’t agree with their overarching theory or idea.

Obviously, the state of the Supernatural fandom is pretty much what it will be forever. Getting thousands of people to admit that its normal to find evidence to support an argument you don’t agree with (something philosophers do all the time because there is no such thing as truth and the world isn’t black and white and its shades of grey that make the rainbow bright and on and on and on), is definitely not in the cards for us. But, this is just me, throwing my altogether unnecessary opinion out there. 

(If you’re one of those people that like to troll people just for having an opinion and expressing it respectfully, please consider not doing that. I am but a baby in a trench coat.)

[mochiyoonfi]

Don’t Fight For Me! Chapter 1

Synopsis: When you meet Yoongi, the confident self described ‘bad boy’, you find your heart begging if to flutter. But will your best friend of years, Jimin, stand by and watch it happen? Or does he want you too...

Universe:idol universe (time doesn’t match up and songs aren’t released in the year they actually were.

Pairing: Reader, Jimin and Yoongi love triangle 

Genres: Angst, Romance, Fluff, Possible smut in upcoming chapters

Warnings: Upcoming chapters will mention sexual assault, toxic friendships and gaslighting. 

^_^…*3* You had never thought of your best friend as attractive before. But as he stood in front of you, shirt off, eyes nervously large and cheeks red, not only from exercise.

“Y-Y/n! You’re here already!”

You nodded. Feeling your own face start to heat up, you mentally kicked yourself. He’s your best friend.

“Jimin! Who’s this?” Another shirtless boy exploded out of nowhere, grabbing on to Jimin’s shoulder. “Is this your girlfriend?”

“Best friend!” You and Jimin exclaimed.

The boy laughed. “Ah, Y/n, isn’t it? I’ve heard about you before! Jimin talks a lot about you!”

Your eyebrow raised. “A lot?”

Jimin’s face went a darker shade of crimson. “I-I don’t! He’s l-lying!”

The boy rolled his eyes. “Whatever. I’m Hoseok.”

You considered the boy, not failing to notice his eight pack that was painfully obvious with his lack of shirt. “Are you in Jimin’s dance class too?”

Hoseok laughed. “Darling, I teach the class.”

Jimin elbowed him in the arm. “No you don’t. You’re a student as well.”

His laughter ringing out across the hallway, Hoseok grabbed Jimin’s hand and began to lead him back into the room.

“I’m sorry Y/n, we won’t be a minute at all. Wait right there!”

You were about to protest, but as your mouth opened, Hoseok shut the door in your face.

You scowled.

“Y/n~” An unfamiliar voice sang out your name.

You looked up from your phone at the practice room door. “Uh? Jimin? Hoseok?”

“Y-yeah, Y/n?”

You breathed a sigh of relief when you heard Jimin’s voice. You were beginning to worry he had somehow abandoned you here. “You ready to go now?”

“T-The boys said you can come into the s-studio today.” Jimin yelled.

Considering it, you had been curious about the interior of that room for some time now. You had been waiting outside of it for Jimin for at least two years now.

Shrugging, you pushed open the door, walking inside hesitantly.

Hoseok and another boy were holding down Jimin on the floor. Another boy stood at the side of the room, not even batting an eye at the sight before him. Jimin’s big eyes were pleading right at you. You paused by the doorway.

“Jimin..?”

He went red as you raised an eyebrow at him. “Y/n! P-Please help me! They’re being weird!”

“Weird how?” You asked, as if you hadn’t just walked in on two practical strangers holding your best friend to the floor.

Jimin gave you an incredulous look. “They think-”

“You’re dating Jimin right? We’re gonna hold him down until he tells us the truth.” Hoseok explained.

You blinked. “What?”

Hoseok sighed, turning to Jimin, who was thrashing against their arms. “What if I give Jimin a kiss? That would be fine with you if you’re just friends, right~?”

Looking blankly into Jimin’s pleading eyes, you turned back to Hoseok. “Go ahead. I’m not a knight in shining armour.”

Throwing his hands in the air, Hoseok looked at you in dissatisfaction. Jimin jumped up from the ground, scurrying over to you.

“We really thought the two of you were dating.”

“Too bad for you, Jimin and I are just friends. And that’s all.”

Jimin nodded quickly. “I tried to tell you!”

The other boy who had been holding Jimin down looked you over. “Jimin she’s very pretty. I don’t see why you aren’t dating her.”

Cheeks burning red, you blinked gapingly at him. “U-um, thank you..?”

The boy smiled at you, bunny like teeth appearing. “I’m Jeon Jungkook. Call me Jungkook. You’re Jimin’s best friend right, Y/n Kim was it?”

He offered his hand out to you, and you beamed, shaking his hand.

You noticed his hand was slightly shaking, his eyes unfocused. As if he was nervous.

You couldn’t see why he would be nervous though. If anything, you were nervous being so close to him. Despite his boyish smile and radiance, he was rippling in muscles.

“How did you know my name though?” You asked, snapping yourself out of your daze.

The boy on his phone threw his arm over Jimin’ shoulder, who was standing just behind you. “This idiot talks about you all the time!”

Jimin pulled the boy's arm off his shoulder. “Yah! I don’t talk about her all the time!”

“Liar.” The boy huffed. He turned his boxy smile on you. “I’m Kim Taehyung, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you Taehyung.” Looking at him, you didn’t fail to notice how well built he was, his jawline sculpted as if by the gods. “So Jimin talks about me lots?”

“I don’t!” Jimin whined.

Hoseok laughed. “Sure.”

“We believe you.” Taehyung nodded, a cheeky grin still on his face.

“Didn’t you say that she-” Jungkook began.

Jimin slapped his hand over Jungkook’s mouth. “No, I didn’t. You idiot.”

You rolled your eyes. “You’re all idiots.”

“Even me?” Hoseok gasped.

You burst into laughter. After a few seconds of laughing, you took a deep breath and looked at the four boys. “Is this all of your dance class?”

Jimin nodded quickly. A little too quickly.

“You liar.” Hoseok puffed.

Taehyung held up three fingers in front of you. You took a second to look over his well-shaped hands, long fingers and a strong grip.

“Three. Three others.”

Tearing your eyes from his hands, you turned to Jimin. “Who else?”

“You’ll meet them soon enough.” Jungkook said.

You raised an eyebrow at him, turning to face Jimin. He shrugged apologetically. “Sorry Y/n. The guys wanted to throw a party tomorrow and I said I would go.”

You blinked, confused. Jimin had already promised to come to your house tomorrow to study. And promises are promises.

Jimin saw your reaction. He quickly reached for your hand, gripping it with his. “I’m really sorry Y/n. We can study tonight instead. Please say you’ll come to the party tomorrow?”

“Me?” You asked. “Why would I need to go?”

“I want you to go!” Hoseok interrupted. “I think it would be fun to get to know you!”

You blushed slightly. “I guess I can go then… will there be any alcohol?”

The boys, except for Jimin, laughed.

“Straight away! There might be though. Are you even old enough to drink?”

“I’m 18 in three days' time!”

You heard Jungkook swear softly under his breath. You looked over at him. “Jungkook? What’s wrong?”

“You’re older than me.”

You couldn’t help your surprise, and your eyes widened. “Wait really? You’re so much taller than me though!”

Jimin scoffed. “He’s not that tall. You’re just really short.”

You rolled your eyes, choosing to ignore him. “So how old are you guys?”

“17.” Jungkook huffed.

Taehyung, holding a ‘v’ sign over his face, grinned. “18, the same as Jimin.”

“19!” Hoseok finished.

Curiosity growing over the mysterious three boys, you couldn’t help but ask. “How old are the others?”

Jungkook raised a mischievous eyebrow, winking at you. “You’ll find out tomorrow.”

“Speaking of tomorrow, where is this party?

Jimin smiled at you. “It’s okay Y/n. I’ll pick you up from your house.

“Pick me up too!”

“And me!”

“Me too!”

Jimin let out a loud groan. “Jungkook you can’t even drink. Why would you need a lift?”

Jungkook opted not to answer, instead he puffed a lock of hair away from his eyes.

“I'm not a lightweight, so I don’t even need to be picked up.

Jungkook looked questioningly at you. “But Y/n, aren’t you too young to drink as well?”

You shrugged. “I’m almost 18 anyway. It’s not a big deal. Anyway, it’s not like I’ve never had a drink before.”

Jimin gaped at you. “When have you ever had alcohol?”

Shuffling your feet, you smiled sheepishly at him. “Well remember that time you came over for a sleepover and you had a drink bottle there?”

“Y/n don’t you dare tell me-”

“I thought it was water and had a drink before I realised.” You finished.

He pouted, frowning at you. “Y/n you shouldn’t have.”

“Well you didn’t notice!” You laughed.

The other boys laughed as well, while Jimin muttered under his breath.

“Anyway, Y/n and I need to get going. I’ll pick you guys up around 8. Is that ok?”

Hoseok nodded. “I’ll see you later then sweetheart?”

Jimin frowned. “Hoseok-”

“I meant you!” He laughed. “Jimin I meant you, you big sweetheart.”

Hoseok reached his hand out to you for a parting handshake. Instead, you pulled him into a hug, surprising him. “Bye bye sunshine boy.”

To your relief, Hoseok not only accepted the hug, but hugged you back.

You had only just met him, but you felt comforted by him. He had a smile that calmed you.

“What about us?” Taehyung complained.

You stepped away from Hoseok, giving a quick kiss on the cheek to both Taehyung and Jungkook, who went promptly red.

“Can't wait to see you guys tomorrow! See you later!” You beamed, grabbing Jimin’s hand as you skipped out of the room, dragging Jimin behind you.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were friends with such good looking guys? They all look like idols for goodness sake!”

Jimin flinched slightly. But within seconds, he was turning to you, smirking. “And I’m not handsome?”

Just as the word ‘no’ appeared on the tip of your tongue, you remembered what he had looked like earlier. With his shirt off and sweat brimming on his face, it was safe to say he looked a little handsome.

“Uh, you wish?”

Jimin laughed triumphantly. “You hesitated before saying that!

You rolled your eyes at him. “Whatever, keep dreaming.”

Jimin frowned. You began to lightheartedly bicker with Jimin, laughing at each other the whole walk home.

Your school was far away, and near Jimin’s dance studio. Far enough that you had to take a bus. Jimin lived only a few blocks from you, so you would meet up every day before school and take the bus together.

Arriving at your house, you took a deep breath. Finally, you cracked open the door. “mom, I’m home!”

“Y/n! You’re finally home! I was wondering since you took longer than normal-”

Entering the living room where your mom sat at the dining table, she looked up from her computer to see Jimin. “Oh! Jimin you’re here too!”

“Yes Ms Kim. I hope I’m not intruding at all.”

Your mom waved him off, turning back to focus on her computer. “Our house is your house too Jimin.”

Jimin smiled politely. “I was wondering if Y/n and I could go to a party tomorrow? I promise I’ll take care of her and drop her back before 12pm.”

She smiled, even though she didn’t take her eyes away from her computer screen. “Of course Jimin! You honestly don’t even have to ask! You’re like a second son to me-”

You silenced your mom with a glare. Clearing her throat, she nervously looked down at her computer again. She knew you hated talking about your brother. It made you feel like crying. And you hated crying. Especially in front of other people. And never in front of Jimin.

“Thanks Ms Kim!” Jimin quickly said, trying to break the obvious tension. “I’ll pick her up at 8 and drop her back off at 11.”

She frowned. “No Jimin honey, that won’t work. I won’t be home tomorrow night. Could she stay with you tomorrow? I was going to ask your parents anyway but I guess this is quicker.”

Jimin hesitated. Finally he let out a small sigh. “O-of course she can-..”

You intercepted before your mother could reply. “Why won’t you be home? Where will you be instead?”

“I have to attend a conference in Seoul. I’ll be back by Wednesday.”

You couldn’t say you were surprised, but you still felt a throb in your heart.

Your mother owned a large company— meaning she made lots of money, but spent a lot of time working. Sure, at the end of the day you were rich, but you were lonely. You craved her attention.

“Mom! It’s Friday!” You snapped, trying your hardest to keep the pain from voice.

“I’m really sorry sweetheart, there’s nothing I can do.”

“But what about my bir-”

You stopped yourself.

Did your mother even remember it was your birthday? And would she leave for the conference regardless? It didn’t matter.

“O-oh. Nevermind. It’s okay.”

She gave you a warm smile. “I’m glad you understand sweetheart. I’ll be leaving at Midday tomorrow.”

Moving to the staircase, you didn’t look back at your mom. “Okay, that’s fine. Let’s go Chim.”

He bowed slightly to your mother. “It’s always a pleasure seeing you, Ms Kim.”

You grabbed Jimin’s hand and dragged him up the stairs to your room. It was a large room, like most of the expensive things in your life. But it was very, very empty.

The sole ornaments were a piano in one corner, bookshelves lining the walls, a bed and countless plushies.

You heaved yourself down onto the carpet, patting the space next to you for Jimin to sit.

He eased himself down, watching quietly as you grabbed out the textbooks.

“When are you going to talk about Suho?” He asked.

You looked away. It was a touchy subject between you too. “I don’t know.”

“It’s fine, I won’t pressure you.”

You smiled at him. This is why you were so close to Jimin, why he was your best friend. Why he meant so much to you.

“I’m sorry for lying earlier.”

“What?” Jimin asked.

“When you asked if you were handsome… you are, really.”

Jimin’s cheeks flushed red. However you didn’t look up from the textbook.

You let out a laugh. “Honestly, you looked like an idol. You’re really handsome and you’re muscular too.”

“Y-Y/n…”

You finally looked up at him and giggled. “Sorry Jimin, didn’t mean to make it awkward.”

He scratched his neck awkwardly. “W-well Y/n I think you’re very g-good looking too.”

It was your turn to blush, and you looked away from him. “You’re just saying that Jimin.”

He sighed. “No Y/n. You should have more confidence in yourself. You’re good looking and you’re smart. And one of the kindest people I’ve met.”

Glancing over at him, he seemed to be more nervous than you were. “Thanks Jimin…I don’t know why but I’m so nervous...”

Jimin looked at his hands. “Y-Y/n…”

You turned to him, slowly creeping forwards until your face was centimetres from his.

“I…”

Looking into his wide eyes, you slowly sat back down.

After a moment of silence, you let out a sigh. “Jimin, I’m sorry. I was thinking about Suho and then I started thinking about Mark,” You gripped your own shoulders, hugging yourself tight. “I don’t know why but I just wanted to be closer to you and I wasn’t thinking… I didn’t mean to, Jimin.”

Responding with a tired smile, Jimin nodded. “It’s okay Y/n. We all make mistakes.”

“Y-yeah. Mistakes.”

Jimin heaved to his feet. “Sorry, Y/n, I don't think we should study together tonight.”

You stood up after him, grabbing at his shirt sleeve. “Jimin I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable! I was in some kind of daze but I still shouldn’t have done it and-”

He grabbed your shoulders, looking into your eyes. “It’s okay. I said it was okay already. I just think you’re not feeling so good right now. You need to rest. I’ll tell your mom that you’re too tired to study. Have a rest. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay Y/n?”

Reluctantly, you let go of his sleeve. “Goodnight Jimin.”

His eyes crinkled, smiling widely at you. He bent down, further to your height. Pressing his soft lips against your cheek, he stepped back. “Goodnight Y/n.”

As soon as you heard your door click shut, you flopped down onto your bed.

Did you just mess up your friendship with Jimin? Not only was it your most important friendship— it was your only friendship now.

You fell asleep. Words of doubt and anxiety swirling around in your mind.

[blessedxblight]

𝐡𝐚𝐧 & @quiltedflames​ & gentlemxnthief​ // 𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐇 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐃: EIGHT YEARS LATER…

— “Look, she’s trying to force out some tears,” he whispered. A three year-old plunked onto the grass and lifted her arms overhead. She heaved loud, attention-seeking sobs and scrunched her face like a squeezed lemon. Noelle seemed to believe that if she kept puckering and squinting, she’d eventually juice out some convincing tears. His friends said that he coddled her too much, that he was too quick to place band-aids on invisible scrapes and sit with her until she felt better. Sometimes, he thought they were right. But he could never, ever say no to his little girl when she wanted to be held.

“Come here, my young con artist,” he said. “Let’s assess the damage.” Gil scooped her up like she weighed nothing. He deciphered her blubbering, something about a bump on her kneecap from when she’d tried running past Han and tripped over his shoes. “You’re fine,” he said. “Do you want to help daddy cook the burgers?” (Tofu burgers, of course, since his wife couldn’t bare to think about any suffering critters.)

Noelle buried her face against him. He felt her sharp nose – so unbelievably tiny, like the ridge of a precious button – dig into his fleshy shoulder. She smelled like sunblock, and the crown of her reddish-brown hair radiated heat from a summer sun. Gil thought she was the spitting image of her mother and had inherited all of her stubborn spirit, though her curiosity and mischief-making rivaled that of her father.

“What was I telling you about again, Simon? Was it something about work?” he asked. Gilbert had always had an auditory memory short as his bladder. That part of him hadn’t changed since the anklet had come off, at least. It was mind-boggling how the same, restless individual who’d once spent workdays building Rube Goldberg machines out of office supplies was a respected professional. He’d filled the awkward silence between him and his former handler with work-related small talk: presentations, contracts, some silly story about an eternally missing paper clip tray. Apparently, the former forger’s signature held enough weight to run an entire security consultation firm.

“Anyway, I can’t believe you still look the same – well, minus some fingers,” he said. He shot a pointed look at Simon’s shoes. “And probably toes.” His brown eyes still had their mischievous energy, even if surrounded by a few, newly spurred fine lines.

Much had changed throughout the time it took him, a man who used to insist he would never have kids, to have three of them. It was the little things: the sport of silver at his temples, the beachside tan, the faded glow of last week’s sunburn across his cheeks. His face was fuller underneath the new beard; he’d gained a touch of weight since leaving New England. For once in his life, he looked relaxed, well-rested, finally at peace with himself. He took well to a life of domestic bliss, having stayed out of trouble since his last workday at the FBI. In fact, he hadn’t seen Simon in person since the day he got his anklet cut.

It was like his life flourished the moment Agent Mulder was no longer in it.

“Han looks way older than me,” he teased, loud enough for the psychologist to hear. “Breathing in all that house mold causes premature aging.” Gil flipped the burgers over. His stomach growled; unlike anything Han would’ve prepared, these were actually appetizing. Just thinking about Han’s questionable, meat-related experiments was enough to make anyone sick. Gilbert and Jessica had been smart enough to supply their own meat (read: tofu) around Hanjae Song, that’s for sure.

“Jess, they’re almost ready!”

Han squeezed Simon’s hand a bit harder, trying to already pull out of this cook-out he hardly agreed to. he wanted to go home, their home, the home Simon had to take over while Han was busy paying his debt to society. the tables were completely turned after the long 8 years of meddling & gaslighting. now, for once, Han couldn’t enjoy Gilbert’s straight edge demeanor. he missed and wished for his old felon friend back, not the dad-bod, sunburnt, awkward fellow before him. families always ruin everything– Han’s family with Simon and Johanna, obviously aside.

“I’m allergic to tofu,” he lies. though the amount of questionable meats he had consumed and cooked for the past, nearing on decade, would likely cause a rebellion in his stomach. the flesh its used to would eat tofu for it’s own sustenance. his mouth is dry and parched from thinking of spongey burgers made from a propane tank. “I’ll break out in hives. It’s worse than my lemon allergy– I may combust, if I put that in my mouth.” again, he’s lying.

while Gilbert speaks to Honey, Han doesn’t offer anything of use to the conversation. Simon can and does speak for himself, and in all honesty, Han does owe it to the relationship of the two previous partners he single-handedly ruined. still, with his hand in Simon’s, Han must look like an overprotective puppy with his tail between his legs.

contrary to Gilbert’s words, mold hadn’t aged him, but two years without direct sunlight had poisoned the pores of Han Jae Song. the once flawless face of the ex-professor was now tarnished with not only age, but poor lighting in general. of the sixteen correctional facilities in Massachusetts, his home for the past couple of years was the Middlesex Jail and House of Correction. he’d served two grueling years, and almost in complete solitary for violating a restraining order the Mrs, had put on him. and despite him plainly stating the classes and work Han had put into his anger management, he could still feel her burning gaze upon him. it likely wasn’t helping any– the look on his face as he watched the young con-artist known by Gilbert as Peanut try and fool her father into attention. “Speaking of fingers– are Peanut’s clean? If she’s helping, it’d be unsanitary of her to touch Simon’s fake burgers without washing. He won’t be able to eat either. In fact, none of us would.”  he doesn’t find her acts of duplicity charming. he finds the fact that Gilbert’s face had merged with Jessica’s abhorrent and still something hard to get used to…

𝐣𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐞 & 𝐡𝐚𝐧 & quiltedflames & @gentlemxnthief​ // 𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐇 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐃: EIGHT YEARS LATER…

It’s both strange and unsurprising to see Gilbert as a father. Simon hadn’t heard of Gil ever mention wanting to have children of his own. Then again, it isn’t a common topic he cares to bring up. When coworkers in the office care to show off their own newborns with large heads and wrinkled fingers, Simon offers them an obligatory smile and a brief ‘Cute’ and takes the next opportunity to return to work. No, he never pictured Gil as a father, but even as Simon stands there, he can see how the life suits him.

Better men might revel in the fact that their partners - especially a partner like Gilbert, a convicted felon, a con-man, a prisoner - had turned their life around, had settled down and started a family and made themselves happy. But the image doesn’t sit well for Simon. He watches Gilbert’s offspring press her little nose into his shoulder. Another baby is swaddled away.

The truth of the matter is that Gilbert’s life is far, far better without Simon. And for all of Gil’s…nuances, his lip-popping, sticky-fingers, his constantly-moving lips, and his knack for finding trouble regardless of where they were…Simon misses him.

He absently flexes his left hand which is most noticeably missing his ring finger. Willingly given. But it’s just among the list of things that Simon doesn’t speak of. Not in front of Gilbert. “Just a small accident,” Is the explanation he gives.

“Don’t listen to Han –” With his remaining fingers interlocked with Han’s, Simon scowls at him to at least behave. “He…isn’t one for plant-based alternatives. But we’ll both try something new,” When Simon squeezes Han’s hand, his own knuckles whiten against his forced smile. “Isn’t that right?”

Unaware of how to help…and unsure if his help is even wanted regarding the cooking and the food, he stands feeling awkward. What is there for him to say when he can see what Gilbert’s life without him looks like? Simon clears his throat. “You did mention work…what is it exactly you’re doing again? Security…something or other?” He asks as if he hasn’t tried to keep his own tabs on Gilbert. “Is that…cyber security? Home security systems? Locksmithing?” He leaves the obvious question of museum security out of it. “Whatever it is, it…seems to suit you.”

she deviled some eggs that are on the tray in her hands– though she’s bringing them out for the two new arrivals, her eyes are on Noelle, the little rascal she’d produced with Mr. Big Shot Tofu Burger flipper over there. she shakes her head at the fuss– she couldn’t really blame Gilbert for coddling the little girl in matching tiny pigtails– the five year old, nicknamed Noodle was at her side still insisting on carrying the tray.  “Nicholas Gladestone, if you don’t settle down, you won’t be having any cookies for dessert.”  she casts a warning mama gaze at her son as a coo emits from the swaddle carrier on her back. Holly, was, of sorts, mocking her brother– for his scowling. Nicholas pouts, though, Jessie offers a wink as if to say of course her little boy would always get cookies. she offers an alternative, “Now, go give Uncle Simon a nice tackle.”

she sets her tray of deviled eggs before the three men, and slowly eyeballs the two new ones. “Glad you finally showed up.” there isn’t much friendliness in her voice– but she’s trying. she knows how much this reunion means to Gilbert, especially after his and Simon’s brief falling out. she hardly casts a gaze to the recently free from incarceration, but she does supply the alternative, “He can load up on eggs, then.” there is no sympathy for the whining man.

she nods her head toward Simon, places her hands on her hips as she feels the movement in Holly’s carrier squirm once more. she was going to be the handful, regardless of Nick and Noelle’s hijinks “And you missy,” she’s talking to Peanut, “Mama didn’t raise a crybaby did she?” she knows it’s a moot point, but she tries putting her foot down, “You stop that fussin’ you hear?”

but to the grown up conversation, “It suits him just as much as that new apron I got him, don’t you agree?” she chuckles to herself as she casts a look down at the tofu burgers– they did look just about done, and despite the complaints and anti-vegetarians present, they looked crispy and juicy. “I figure we could eat at the picnic table–“ she points towards the end of the custom-built red outdoor furnishing ( it was as big as a sleigh for Santa to travel in ) where a pitcher of lemonade glistens in the sunlight next to some home brewed iced tea. “We got a couple of drinks over yonder– help yourselves.”

𝐡𝐚𝐧 &  𝐣𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐞 &  @quiltedflames​ & gentlemxnthief:// 𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐇 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐃: EIGHT YEARS LATER…

— “Let me see if your hands are clean,” he said, speaking to the toddler in his arms. Noelle held out the tiny, chunky digits of a three year-old with a wide-eyed look. The little girl’s head tilted in confusion. Even a child that young thought that surely, she was nowhere near as dirty as the stinky man she’d tripped over earlier. He planted a swift kiss to his daughter’s hand. Noelle shrieked with a delighted giggle, pulling her hand away fast because her father’s beard always tickled. “Seems perfectly clean to me!” he concluded.

Gil may have become a father – something he truly hadn’t seen coming almost a decade ago – but, his mischief-seeking nature hadn’t changed a bit. There was still the look of a troublemaker in his brown eyes as he smirked at Han. To be honest, he wasn’t sure if he would call Han a friend anymore. But, he knew that the psychologist still needed at least one person willing to try and so he hadn’t completely given up on him.

(Yet.)

“Security consultation,” he said. Across his face, an already proud smile broadened. He’d come a long way, and it wouldn’t have been possible without both Jessica and Simon’s support. (So why, why hadn’t Simon even showed up to his wedding? They had been friends, hadn’t they? You didn’t try to capture someone for four years, worked with them for four more, and then felt nothing when they exited your life in the blink of an eye.) Either way, at least Simon agreed that it suited him well.

“I advise banks, galleries, museums, private companies – all the things that make the FBI breakout into a cold sweat when I’m around. It’s my full-time job when I’m not wearing a Kiss The Cook apron,” he teased, grinning at his wife. His chest puffed out with pride; he’d truly come a long way into carving out the life he never once believed that people like him deserved. He would’ve gladly prattled on, but he was interrupted by his son’s excitement.

“I HAVE AN UNCLE!” cheered Nicholas. The five year-old excitedly passed the tray to his mother, his duty as their family’s “head chef” paling in comparison to meeting a real uncle. He sprinted across the lawn, his light-up sneakers pounding against the grass until he flung himself at Simon’s leg in a giggly tackle. One hand was sticky with marshmallow from the Rice Krispy treats he’d “helped” his mother bake. The other was neon orange – thus, matching the crumbs all around his mouth – from sneaking into a bag of Cheetos that Gil had absentmindedly left within his reach. He latched onto Simon’s leg so tight, he may as well have been stuck there with Velcro.

Gil began loading up the tofu patties onto one of Jessica’s kitschy, reusable platters. He’d already loaded up lettuce, tomatoes, sautéed onions – all the little ingredients into platters, since he’d learned that the “serve yourself” model of burger building worked best for fussy toddlers. They were already laid out on the picnic table and judging by the lopsided tomatoes threatening to fall off the plate, Nick must’ve insisted on helping. “Wow, when did you have the time to squeeze all that lemonade?” he asked his wife. “I could probably drink a gallon of that.” Sometimes, it was like you could blink and she’d pull the buffet out of the oven like a magician of the kitchen. “Alright, everyone to the picnic table,” he said, mostly speaking to his two eldest children. “There’s plenty of food for everyone to eat.”

He shot Han a pointed look.

“Or starve, if the picky eaters would prefer.”

the sound of the kitschy woman’s voice was grating on his ears. the smell ( or lack of smell ) from the tofu burgers was making his stomach whine with even less hunger than he arrived with. the deviled eggs looked like gelatinous goo inside even gooier husks and perhaps if they were salted more or spiced more with chili flakes he may have taken the tray for himself to swallow in his own corner– sharing in the penitentiary was frowned upon even among the smallest of acquaintances. Han was not enjoying the time, as Simon suggested. still he tried for his partner. the squeeze in his hand attempts to curb his poor behavior, a grimace pulls his mouth into a grin as he comments, “Thank you, Mrs. Gladstone–” yes, he refuses to call her by her first name, and the title does make his skin itch speaking it. he would forever resent Yoko for breaking up the band.

the barreling five year old aiming for Simon’s kneecaps is what finally breaks Han’s grasp from that overt PDA they were showing. that was one problem Simon would be encountering alone. his nose crinkled and lip curled at the sight, Simon with a child attached to him. he was certain he couldn’t hate anything more in that damned world. even if their own Johanna were to bring a child of her own in the world ( she was smart enough not to ) Han wouldn’t ever feel comfortable with the sight. “Yes, Peanut’s hands are clean, but I should have asked about... Noodles’...” there is an ounce of vomit, Han feels trailing up his esophagus which is forced down by a gulp.

the mold uncle– the monstrous being could handle smoking indoors, mold spores growing on walls, natural fertilizer composted in splendorous flowers, and the ripe smell of piss transforming to ammonia, but Gil in turn kissing the unclean hands of his three year old were his breaking point, as well as the sticky marshmallow residue of the other child’s hands, and especially now that they were latched onto his Simon’s legs. he mutters, “I think I’ve lost my appetite.”

there is a wince in his face as he sways back, trying to avoid the threats of running tackles for himself, yet he’s ushered to the picnic table– joy. he, like a useless sailor leaves Simon with little to no lifejacket in a sea of five year old Nick Gladstone.

though he finds it important to shatter the hopes and dreams of the child, “Simon isn’t your uncle. Not by blood, which is what really matters. He’s technically only your godfather, which means, he’d become your real father if something happens to your parents....”

he chortles at his own dark sense of humor as he looks between Gilbert and Jessie. “Let’s hope nothing happens to them, unless you decide you like your–” he feels the nausea rise once more, “Uncle Simon.” a grin flashes to his partner, as if he is asking if this behavior was better than his made up allergies, speaking of which, “I’m allergic to lemonade. Can I have a bottle of water instead?”

𝐣𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐞 & 𝐡𝐚𝐧 & quiltedflames & @gentlemxnthief​ // 𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐇 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐃: EIGHT YEARS LATER…

Simon is unsurprised with the coldness in Jessie’s voice, but surprises himself with just how much it stings. A time did exist, not so long ago, where she had called him out of desperation, bleeding for Simon to miraculously save the man she loved. He’d asked Gilbert once, if Jessie was worth risking everything for, and earned a shiny black eye because of it. Evidently, Simon had been wrong. At least that is how he feels watching Gilbert and their wife dote on one another, coo at their children, and work in sync together.

“The picnic table is just fine. And so is lemonade,” He scowls back at Han with the hopes of reminding him to play nice. At least as nice as it is possible for him to.

For the briefest of moments, Simon wishes they could all go away. Jessie, Han, the food, the kids. He prefers to sit and pick Gilbert’s brain - what it is like advising for the security systems he once fought his way into. Did he still live for the thrill of being caught? Or had he, truthfully, decided to leave all that behind for the domestic bliss Simon sees unfolding in front of him? Does he miss the days it was just the two of them, with Gilbert sneaking out of bathroom windows and Simon following behind just a step too late? Or were the memories tainted with Simon’s own betrayal?

Maybe it’s for the best they’re all bound together by social obligations, at least for the time being. Simon’s not sure he wants an answer to that last question. And neither does he want the small boy, Nicholas, to remain attached to his leg. He can see the lines of Gilbert’s face in him, namely the signature elongated forehead. “Now, now…lets…er…go sit with your mother…Don’t listen to Han…” He pats the boy’s hair. Unsure if he should pry little Nicholas from his leg, or if that would earn him a scolding from Jessie, Simon waddles to the picnic table with the boy still attached to him.

He eyes the pitcher of lemonade with distrust, knowing what the drink would do to Gilbert and his infamously small bladder. “I hope there’s a bathroom nearby,” Although it’s muttered under his breath, Simon has a silent hope that it’s loud enough for both Gilbert and his offspring to hear. He clears his throat and continues on. “I’m…glad to hear that you’re enjoying what you do,” Which is a joke for Simon alone, for he is certainly lying through his teeth with the statement, as evident by the words laced with both jealousy and frustration over Gilbert’s improvements in life. “Though I may recommend looking into a better sunscreen…it looks like that hurts.”

the young sprout of Gilbert and Jessie Gladstone still at Simon’s legs turned to look at the mold uncle. an arm was still wrapped around one of the pant legs of Simon Maurice Mulder, clinging to his new favorite specimen. Nicholas just LOVED having an uncle. a dribble of a runny nose hung from his face, and with squinted eyes, Nick Gladstone held up his hand to show them both, “I’M FIVE.” it was very important information to tell them both. even more so was the importance of leaving an imprint of Doritos dust upon Simon’s pant legs to indicate his age– before sprinting back over to the lemonade corner.

Jessie doesn’t have to speak on Han’s words, nor how threatening they were. a raised eyebrow, instead counters the idea that neither her nor Gilbert were going anywhere, “Good thing one of us knows how to shoot a couple of knee caps should anything happen to the other.” she was speaking on experience, of course– with a hint of warning to Han Jae Song. Gilbert was to be left alone and intact, OR ELSE. but that was neither here nor there.

she knows, however, that this cook-out is most important for both Gilbert and Simon and chooses to ignore the attitude of Simon’s plus one. a gut in her stomach tells her that she should be a better host and accommodate for the plus one, but on the other hand she does take Simon’s words at their core. if anyone could curb the insane demeanor of the ex-con, it was Simon. it was a devotion between the two she still couldn’t understand– nor would she ever try to...

she speaks, Noelle, the other clinger is still in helping her daddy flip tofu burgers– “Come on peanut, let’s get you washed up before it’s time to eat, huh?” she doesn’t holds her arms out right away. not with Holly dangling– the cute socks upon her feet kicking and sprawling in their own tiny excitements. Jessie is expecting a fuss, given the fact Noelle’s favorite arms were far more thicker in muscle and warmth. ( it was something Jessie was biased towards and would never hold against the little tot ).  Nick, the five year old is already trying to open the cooler of capri-suns, he hadn’t asked his mama’s permission for… yet everything seems as if it’s in his place, Han, excluded.

though she giggles at Simon’s astute observation– “It’s a miracle he puts any on at all. Always forgetting his sunblock and such–“ a playful roll of her eyes does remember she’s got some sunscreen inside– something to bring out once they’ve all settled in.  “You know I couldn’t trick him into the ritual if I tried....”