#you don’t get any points if you guess | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jerreeeeeee · 18 days

Text

i don’t know if i’m ever gonna write the fic but i’ve been thinking abt like. the eternal stockade. the implications. lup, a lich who was trapped in a dark featureless cell for a decade completely isolated with nothing to keep her sanity but her own mind. she has to put people in the eternal stockade. how many liches does she see herself in. how many liches started out just like her. how many liches are truly too far gone. and the only liches we ever see other than her and barry are edward and lydia. they’re certainly evil, but mad? they seem pretty sane. they’re not, like, tattered echoes of souls, they’re definitely still people. even as much of a grudge as lup surely has against them, wouldn’t they remind her incredibly strongly of herself? do they deserve to be trapped just like she was? for eternity? isn’t eternity what turned john to existential despair in the first place?

#mine #taz balance #taz lup #lup #like idk i think lup’s down to kick necromancer ass but when it comes to being like. WARDENS of a PRISON. would that not be uncomfortable??#but like taking the job is the only way to avoid HER being thrown in prison??#idk the raven queen being a cool & chill goddess boss is definitely fun but when you actually think abt it #i don’t think i’d agree with her. i think if i lived in that world i’d think she were sort of evil #which like also to get into the hunger vs authority its not very explored because its not at all the point #the hunger is meant to be nihilism and despair and dissatisfaction its at its core an emotional story about joy & love #but like john starts out rebelling against laws. laws of the universe; except that it turns out a being wrote those laws (jeffandrew)#so the hunger is also sort of a force of rebelling against unjust constraints in the pursuit of freedom?#and the heroes end up preserving the status quo and saying you just have to find joy within those unjust limitations #which again. like. the point is that life is unfair and you can find joy and meaning despite it. which is true to real life.#i’m not saying the hunger was right or that despair is the only way or w/e like #yk like taz balance is not a story about society its more about. philosophy i guess #the point is that life’s really hard and you find meaning anyway and that’s preferable to despair and death #thematically for the audience we understand these are standins for ways of viewing reality #and in the real world reality is what it is. its just the world. there’s no authority that writes the laws of nature #like its not a ‘man vs authority’ story its a ‘man vs nature’ story #but IN UNIVERSE nature IS an authority. jeffandrew and the gods. regardless of how much joy you can find in an unjust world #if i lived in it i’d want to make it more just! but anyway like yeah barry & lup working for the raven queen #is kinda an extension on that idea of preserving the status quo #although i guess you could say gods are just forces of nature. theyre not PEOPLE theyre just personifications of existent natural laws #and it ties in w istus and fate as well #although fate is like a comforting guiding force rather than restricting & horrifying #^ pay no attention to any of this i don’t think it really means anything i’m just like. writing thoughts as i have them #not like a hard stance i’m taking just exploring some ideas #any ways #THERES A TAG LIMIT??

60 notes · View notes

vampire-nyx · 3 months

Text

Honestly really disappointing and upsetting that just after I found the pills that make you green comics the creator turned out to very much extremely hate people like me

#I guess her transmasc audience was getting too big and she had to go oops! I gotta hate a little bit to scare them off!#when will there be popular transfems that don’t fucking hate us.#I can name ONE blogger I know who is transfem and actually appreciates transmascs and acknowledges we are oppressed #not more oppressed than transfems. oppressed are all. oppressed even NEAR equally.#that’s how bad it is #I can’t imagine making the pills that make you green comics #and not actually believing like any of it #all of the comics point to her being supportive of trans men and lesboys and the infinite ways we are complex #and yet. the second someone asks about it and baeddels create an uproar #‘actually tmes are 4chan mra losers and lesboys are just trying to claim access to lesbianism because they have vaginas 🙄’#it’s literally just more proof that people against transandrophobia terminology don’t have any actual moral reason to be against it #they just hate *us* and want us to shut up because then they don’t have to pretend they support us

52 notes · View notes

mabaris · 24 days

Text

the thing I’m very interested to see is Harding’s relationship to other dwarves as her weird magic manifests.

she’s a surfacer; I feel like no matter what happens, Orzammar dwarves are going to point at her as an example, saying, “this is what happens when you lose your stone sense, you basically become a human, and this is why you should stay underground because we’re safe down here”

#dragon age #datv spoilers #lace harding #i’m of two minds about this bc like. on one hand hell yeah dwarf magic. titan connection. etc #on the other hand. she doesn’t really have a connection to any of that lol #the thing abt stone sense and the titan connection makes sense when you are surrounded by lyrium underground #but she was born in redcliffe #i hope we get to see what’s going on underground. i’ve been waiting to see kal sharok forever #but i also kind of want to go back to orzammar #because at this point i genuinely don’t know!! if it’s dwarf magic reawakening or if it’s just going to be #exactly what my hypothetical orzammar guy says lol. magic is EVERYWHERE with the veil falling #and she’s not safe BECAUSE she wasn’t born underground #i want it to be unique but uhhh dragon age worldbuilding tendency to ignore dwarves and put elves behind everything #i guess we’ll see #mine #harding

28 notes · View notes

thevioletcaptain · 3 months

Text

.

#I hadn’t posted about this but last night I found out that my cousin’s kid had gone missing while travelling with friends in Barcelona #they’d lost contact with him 24 hours earlier #and couldn’t find him anywhere #and my mum was with my cousin at the police station for a few hours while they launched an investigation #that basically went from the Victoria police > Australian federal police > interpol > Barcelona police #nobody had any idea where he was and it was genuinely terrifying #anyway I just woke up to a message from mum #saying that they found him and he was okay #his phone and wallet had been stolen #and the poor kid had been wandering around Barcelona for almost two full days trying to find the airbnb #what a massive relief #we were all so worried about him #I guess he was initially a little drunk and shaken up by having his stuff stolen #so didn’t think to wait in the last place he’s seen his friends #and by the time he sobered up he was dehydrated and exhausted and hungry so wasn’t thinking any clearer #especially seeing as it’s been pretty hot there #anyway let this be a psa reminder that if you’re visiting a country where you don’t speak the language #ALWAYS make sure you have a planned meeting point that you know how to find #in case you get into a situation like this #and at the very least learn how to ask for help in the language the locals speak #god he’s so lucky he didn’t end up passed out from heat stroke #or worse

13 notes · View notes

passthroughtime · 8 months

Text

i hope you don’t mind me not participating in sunday six for so long and not updating my fic... i’m having a bit rough time handling my life irl right now

#meaning i’m having the worst start of the year ever #i’m EXHAUSTED fucking exhausted from my living situation and it doesn’t seem to get better any time soon #naturally i don’t have it in me to write because i don’t have enough time to relax. it’s been three fucking weeks.#i just don’t know even my body gives up from this stress and not like something terrible is happening #it’s extremely upsetting also considering that i love writing and it’s the only activity that makes sense to me #and always has been like that it’s in my core #and i. can’t do it. i can’t. i have no willpower or strength and it’s not writer’s block i’m just SO TIRED ALL THE TIME #therapy and years of medication mean nothing at this fucking point. props to me for not killing myself tho. well done 👍#sorry for ranting i am so frustrated that i can scream. i have actually. didn’t help.#well ahem i hope you understand 🙏 i feel bad that i’ve promised the chapter a long time ago and NOT TO BE THAT AO3 AUTHOR but #i really wanted to keep my promise. fuck me i guess #putting letters together one word at a time

12 notes · View notes

coffee-at-annies · 9 months

Note

6+43 you pick the pairing.

6+43: Bookshop AU+Dance of Romance

This is very hard for me because I fully believe most hockey players cannot read. There is reason the Sidney Crosby School for Hockey Players Who Can’t Read Good is a thing that I believe with my whole heart that exists. You said dealers choice on the pairing so I hope you’re ready for an entire au and many, many pairings. Remember, you asked for this.

Anyway small independent bookshop owners Sid and Geno. They’re gay and married and semi-successful and it’s cute.

Kris is the bitchy barista who barged into their store one day and bullied them into adding a cafe and then took over running it.

He’s got some sort of situationship going with his longtime regular, Tristan, who has never picked up a book in all the time he’s been coming there. He is there every day for his caffeine fix and to do suduko or something else juuuuust close enough to be book adjacent but isn’t reading. I’m not sure there’s enough thoughts in Mouse Boy’s head to read a whole book. At least that’s what he wants us to think and I’m gonna give it to him.

Jake and Bryan (Rusty) are two kids Sid hired from the local college that basically never left after graduating and are still here.

Flower runs the bakery down the street and makes sure Sid has pastries for Kris to sell. He has tried and failed to lure Kris away to do coffee for the bakery. (Flower also used to work at the bookstore but left to go pursue his dream of the bakery and they love and support him but Kris isn’t leaving).

Marcus and Ricky are two Swedish dads that come in for kids storytime and let their kids play around.

They’ve started bringing new Swede-in-town Erik and his daughter with them.

Chad doesn’t work for the bookstore but will occasionally stop by kid in tow for Sid’s storytime.

Ryan Graves just got hired to run the late night shift so they can be open later. (Yes this is a graveyard shift pun)

Magnus is the delivery man who drops off and helps unload book shipments.

(This is a very crowded small bookstore)

Ned is there regularly for book club with EK, Reilly (who is new in town) and Jason (Zucker) (an old regular), along with old not quite married couple Carl and Patric (Hags&Horny).

(All people I believe can read, unlike Jarry)

Jared and Brandon are around somewhere. Probably. (Look I love them).

Zach and Conor and Teddy used to work in the store while in college but unlike Jake and Bryan they left after graduation. Some of them are still around town but some of them have moved away.

The only people I’m missing are 4th line and I’m sorry idc where cookie and neets are tbh and BJC is around. Probably. Maybe he’s a regular, maybe he works the register, idk idc.

That leaves, basically everyone you just said “hey you forgot X” aka Lars Eller and the kids/wbs. If you were wondering why I didn’t mention them, that’s because this fic is about them. Well actually it’s about DOC and POJ because my brain decided that’s the pairing. Don’t ask me why. Big Z is right there with the rest of his harem but no we’re doing PO and Drew (probably because of that silly tortilla video). Anyway all the boys are college students at the local college. Drew is in a study group with Radim, Valterri, Jansen, Vinnie, Sam (Poulin), and Ty (Smith). They’re all taking Professor Eller’s class and they meet up once or twice a week in the bookstore to drink coffee and go over the homework.

Where is PO you ask? Well he’s behind the counter working under Kris as the backup barista. Don’t worry, this romance isn’t going to be customer/barista. No, no. The reason they started meeting here is because Drew works at the bookstore. He’s been there for about a semester (and the summer) but hasn’t really spent much time in the cafe part. It’s not until Big Z talks Drew into running study sessions in the cafe that they start noticing each other.

See PO took Professor Eller’s class last year, so one day, after watching the boys struggle for with the homework for way too long, he pops out from behind the counter and sits down and helps them out. He’s welcome at the study sessions and sometimes when he’s not on shift he’ll bring his school work and while they’re majoring in different things it’s nice to bounce ideas off them.

If you want to know what they’re majoring in, actual real life DOC majored in sociology while playing for Dartmouth. PO has not been to college but he did tell Taylor that if he wasn’t gonna be an athlete he wanted to be a vet or a psychologist so I’m going with he wants to be a Vet Tech and is majoring in whatever is the veterinary sciences equivalent of premed is.

Anyway they hang out at work more and more. This goes on for like a month and then Geno comes up with a big idea for a fall event. They’re doing a Halloween party. Jake and Bryan and Drew and PO have to help decorate the store and on the day of it’s filled with college students, kids, and regulars. Drew is trying desperately to avoid getting his cheek pinched by the old ladies from the knitting circle again. PO is safe because he’s behind the cafe counter serving drinks. PO has fake vampire fangs as his costume. Drew showed up in a not-couples costume with Big Z. If you wanna know what everyone else wore, please see this photo. Except I’m pretty sure Kris is either a prey mantis or the letits are out whichever option makes you, dear reader, feel more insane.

Eventually Sid and Geno shooo all their employees to go mingle and have fun. Drew and PO end up in the makeshift dance floor, music blaring, and after a couple jokes and a some negging from their friends, PO gives Drew a half twirl or something and they laugh it off before the song is even over.

It’s not until later when they’re cleaning up, all alone, music still going in the background, that they start joking about it and one thing leads to another and they actually dance. PO gives drew the full twirl. They bust a move. They slow dance a bit. They’ve never been this close. They’ve only casually touched and now they’re pressed up against each other. They’ve been hanging out at the bookstore outside of study group and Ohohoho what’s this? A feelings realization. Except wait. They’re both idiot college students. So they both awkwardly disengage to go do their job and part ways.

In the following days things are so completely awkward between them at work that Kris throws PO out of the cafe and won’t let him back until he can look Drew in the eye. Drew meanwhile cancels study session because he doesn’t know how to be normal around PO. Don’t worry they can’t continue like that for long. You see there’s a big test coming up and Z ropes PO into helping Drew out cause it’s like 40% of their final grade and Drew has been failing the at-home practice tests something terrible.

They end up staying way later than the rest of the study group going over this exam. Its way late at night, only Ryan is there to lock up behind them, and PO has just spent 4 hours explaining the test back to front - forgetting his awkwardness in the face of his determination to make sure Drew doesn’t fail. Drew definitely stares at PO explaining for a little too long, decides fuck it and goes in for a kiss. These are idiot college boys so instead they bump noses or headbutt each other or something. Poor boys. Can’t even do a surprise kiss correctly. Drew apologizes and then they do have the confession conversation and then the actual kiss. And more kisses. After that, more studying.

The end.

#asks answered #podcasts-8-my-heart #love you ez #yeets an entire au at you #not quite a fic but I think bullet point fic counts #I don’t think I could write in any of these povs so this is the closest you get #rpf mention #my writing #my aus #doc #poj #I do not know where this pairing came from but brain said idiots in love college au and I guess I gotta

9 notes · View notes

persephoneflouwers · 11 months

Text

Anons ✨

#lou tisdale anon: unconventional way to get informed i guess but if it worked good for them #‘I’ve really appreciated all of the information you’ve been sharing on here’ anon #a bit offensive you come at me talking about coincidental choices and intentional decisions #using your building as a reference… Guys cmon. At this point you should know im not stupid lol anyway I deleted the tags because #since I noticed a few people have written the same thing as you #usually the background choice falls in an intentional decision but as you say it’s a wild guess #that’s why I only said ‘I hope it’s not intentional if it is yikes’#‘don’t have any doubts about harry’ anon: we’ll never know what they support #and for once I’m glad they won’t be speaking up like their usual because #I’m already disappointed of what side they would be on this #have you seen what his friends share? have you seen what his mom shares? they can be zionist on main without ripercussions #‘seriously wouldn’t know what to if he supported them’ I would unstan right away. god thing is they’ll never be talking about politics #(except Harry sporadically finding new way to have kore people register in the us to vote democrats #and eventually forget about what is happening in rest of the world. firstly like all celebrities do secondly like everyone does.)#you take care of your little garden first #my opinion my ideology and my political view don’t depend on them #if I don’t agree with what some artist/celebrity says #ill stop interacting with them #there’s tone of music and art being made by people #who care about the world and want to see people leaving in peace and with equal rights #it’s not hard to be human you know? at times if you’re afraid to show support to the oppressed #you’re helping the oppressors with oppression and segregation #moreover when the oppression is not about you in the slightest (general you not you anon)#it only means 1. you don’t care enough to advocate 2. you have found different solutions to help (lol)#3. you don’t want to take sides (inferno canto III for me)#4. you don’t want to let know what side you’re on (sigh)

7 notes · View notes

jiminy-crickets · 7 months

Text

“how can you think xyz is hot when he keeps doing abc???” Well first of all, those two are NOT correlated, and second of all, i want to see him revive the consequences of his actions, however a rando tumblr blogger has literally NO fucking pull over nhl palyer safety, me going “awooga” is doing NO fucking harm!!!

#points at sign ‘being abnormal about men getting hurt also means being abnormal about aggressors being ounsished for it’#(and yes that includes fines suspensions and any other disciplinary action)#you can probably guess who this is about #but I’m not tagging because I don’t want fights #at the end of the day I want the league to step in and put an end to this once and for all #….BUT #that can’t stop me from enjoying the show while it’s still on air

2 notes · View notes

seveneyesoup · 2 years

Text

do you think the time lords even understand death? like really

#regeneration sure #but people just don’t die that much on gallifrey #or the time lords don’t #i’m willing to bet some of them regenerate before they even think about proper death #an end sure but abstract and far away #and even when they do die everyone’s still around in the matrix #so death; in a human sense? hell; even in a shobogan sense #has to be like; a totally foreign concept; or very nearly #only understanding death on your third regeneration sitting up at the end of a hallway while the body of your cousin shudders under a shroud #only understanding death as the body of your classmate bleeds into the river and does not move #and maybe i’m being unfair; people do die on gallifrey but not people the time lords are around; i guess #so maybe there’s an understanding of death but not as something that can happen to you?#i don’t know. but in some sense i think they don’t get it #death happens to other people. the lower castes; the lesser species #except it doesn’t #everything has its time and everything dies #and the other part of my point is i think theta and koschei knew that a long; Long time before any of their peers #maybe even before some of their teachers #having not only a secret between them but a secret understanding #a terrible wisdom shared between them alone #not really them alone. but it must have felt like that

36 notes · View notes

exopelagic · 8 months

Text

honk shoo.

#but yeah sleepy.#i have so much to do these next few days I’m gonna die #meanwhile I just wanna see my friends #the good thing is that some of the busy things involve seeing my friends but goddamn why are almost all of them hard #also YES I’m going to be dumb and gay again bc a) why shouldn’t I b) nobody can stop me #I’m being dumb and gay again.#now seen The Guy twice since I’ve been back and he’s very cool #still feel like I’m being insane god idk what I’m doing #I hope he comes tomorrow bc he can’t make the meeting which means he won’t be on committee which sucks bc he did want to #OH but I did mean to tell him there was one role he could go for and have a good shot at that I think he’d be good for #only problem is if he doesn’t come tomorrow I can’t tell him in time bc I don’t have any way to message him other than email #(which feels slightly creepy bc I only know it bc secretary and he’s never explicitly said his surname so it’s just inferred from the list)#idk. the thing that gets me is we are very much friends now. like early stages of friends but we keep talking at hockey #and importantly he keeps coming To Me which keeps surprising me bc he does it more than any of my other friends #but I guess I’m also coming to him kinda a lot too. self awareness falls when around cute boy you get how it is #god it’s so unfair why is he like this #I finished getting my skates off before he did yesterday which gave me a very good opportunity to Look while he was talking #and have it not be weird and he’s just very pretty. he’s got a rlly nice nose #i always feel insane pointing out noses it’s the Draw speaking bc I use noses as a focal point and they’re fun to draw #tbh it’s unlikely I will say someone does Not have a nice nose but idk let me have this. it would be fun to draw is maybe what I mean #and I hadn’t noticed before bc the like bridge? and uhh like. base? idk nose words but they don’t match #the bridge is super long and on the thin side w a bump like mine but the like bottom is much rounder and wider and I don’t see that mix much #he also just has rlly nice hair it’s super curly and he’s in that like weird light brown purgatory where it’s all different colours #like it’s mostly light brown but some bits look rlly dark and some especially at the ends is like almost blonde and it changes w the light #god he also keeps doing this dumb fucking thing where he’s trying to skate while squatting all the way and it’s ridiculous #he looks like a spider folding in on itself and the worst part is he can fucking do it #he’s gotten so good at skating recently and I have a feeling he lives somewhere with an ice rink bc I’m sure he’s better than he was novembr #yeah I also got to just stand and watch him play yesterday and it’s so incredibly horribly unfair #anyway I’m too fucking gay and I will not let him escape me again tomorrow I Will get his instagram or smth bc I swear this man #luke.txt

2 notes · View notes

tariah23 · 9 months

Note

https://x.com/imlost_mp44/status/1734726462605779390?s=46&t=QiKHdDdvKoMxWGyakqTvxA

But until then they will be at each other’s throats

Tbh, If you aren’t Black or Asian then I don’t think it’s fully appropriate to comment on like, any of this, especially even mentioning “the being at each others throats,” part if I’m being honest, like. Black ppl as a whole don’t really have much of an issue with anyone else, it’s usually just the other way around really and for the most part, we accept everyone (sometimes to a fault,) into our space and culture. Just as long as it’s not appropriative or making fun of us then it’s like, what can you do? There will always be conversations needed to be had in order to build some kind of common ground between poc but yeah.

#black ppl can’t stop non blacks from getting locks and using a blaccent/aave or this and that but hey what can you do #rambling #tkf replies #I don’t want be put on the spot to talk about race stuff like this tbh it’s a bit 😭#anonymous #the video itself was whatever like I’ll roll my eyes because the dude probably wanted locks because he thinks black ppl look cool or he #might listen to like chief keef or whatever tf but it’s whatver like at this point my bare minimum for cultural appropriation of black folk #is to at least talk to black ppl (like do these ppl ever have any black friends or ppl they hang around before they do all of this….. not #really so it’s a bit…. odd most of the time but whatever)#they watch a few rap videos and think that is how every black person in the world must be #like just as long as they aren’t saying the n word and using aave then I can look the other way I guess I don’t have the energy #to focus on stuff like then otherwise #it’s already a hopeless and losing battle at this point but just as long as other ppl remember that black people aren’t just their silly #little makeup and fashion trend that they can slap on at any moment when they want to look cool #and that we are people with a vast amount of culture that should be respected than alright #I learned in the comments of that post that there is also a huge chicano subculture in Jp as well #the Japanese girls dress up as latina’s and everyone’s obsessed with lowriders so that’s something #that’s…. something………#regardless of how it starts it’s always nice to see people want to learn about how other people live #their lives their culture their everything #the world can be reset tomorrow and I bet you 1 million bucks that after a couple of millions of years #there would still be cultures shared and expanded upon between ppl wanting to learn grow love and share are innate to us as humans

4 notes · View notes

lesbiansanemi · 9 months

Text

Finally finished revolutionary girl utena. Very underwhelming I must say

#like. I guess I got what they were going for #I just don’t think it was executed for well tbh #also I was just not a fan of a lot of the storytelling elements they employed #like the constant and repetitive visual metaphors #kinda fucking annoying imo #like I get it I GET THE POINT LETS MOVE ON I DONT NEED TO SEE IT 50 MORE TIMES #I do acknowledge that particular gripe is more personal preference tho #I mean there were some positives like I didn’t dislike literally EVERY aspect of it #but that list is much smaller #but anyways. yeah. do have to admit I do NOT understand the hype here folks #it’s def getting added to my list of anime #where if someone is like ‘omG ITS LIKE PEAK ART AND STORYTELLING’#I’m squinting heavily at you and probably don’t trust any of your other recs lmfao #but regardless! it’s done and finished and I can move on!#maybe when I have more energy I’ll type up a much more coherent review with more detail #but for right now I just need a palate cleanser #kaz rambles

2 notes · View notes

ajournalingtrex · 1 year

Text

i would love to relate to “all of the girls you loved before” but the only person my boyfriend has kissed other than me was a guy in a game of gay chicken

and if you think i let him live it down, you’re sorely mistaken

9 notes · View notes

lailuhhh · 1 year

Note

Did I send you an ask already? I don't think I did but if so I guess here's another one...

What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

What part of the writing process do you enjoy the most? (Brainstorming, outlining, writing, editing, etc)

Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas?

No you didn’t lol don’t worry about it

What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

I mean I tend to write before I go to bed so I just sleep and hope the idea is still there the next night

What part of the writing process do you enjoy the most? (Brainstorming, outlining, writing, editing, etc)

Brainstorming? Coming up with the initial idea of a story that just like three words Mac go boom opens up a door with so many ideas that accompany it and getting to sort through them to find the right one that fits that specific type of boom is always fun

Although I also really enjoy editing. I use microsoft word and use the text to speech option to listen for any spelling or grammatical mistakes and I think the first run through of that is the first time I actually read the story as a whole and I’m just like wow I wrote that

Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas?

I enjoy prompts and independent ideas. Always love when someone sends me something and I can get a quick little thing out, but then coming up with an idea that I haven’t seen anyone else take on is also thrilling because it’s nice to see if people enjoy the idea

#I mean #has there been any stories where Mac gets shot with a crossbow??#I don’t think so #so I guess I’ll have to write it at some point #lailuh speaks #ask #answer #hello thank you i love you #ask game #rosieblogstuff

3 notes · View notes

pepprs · 2 years

Text

hi update things are fucking terrible and my eyes hurt from sobbing. lol

#purrs #delete later #not to liveblog and be tmi or whatever but i feel terribly alone and terribly miserable so this is in fact a cry for help lol. or really #comfort bc im fucking going insane. so for context last spring when i was still an intern another intern orchestrated this back channel #where everyone was supposed to talk shit about our supervisors (my dearest most belovedest mentors) and all of us hid it for months and it #all came to a head at asb 2022 because there was a lot of drama witb the asb student facilitators and our staff team. and it was sooooo ugly #and messy and horrible and probably played a direct role in one of my dearest beloved est mentors (who was the point person for asb) fucking #getting a new job and abandoning us in july lol 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 and so i became a full time staff member and me and my remaining dearest belovedest #colleague besties fucking carried the world on oh r shoulders and put on amazing programs as just 3 of us in the core staff and we thought w #we were doing a really good job with the asb 2023 leaders and that there were no drama dynamics or whatever and guess fucking what. tonight #we found out that half of them hate us for reasons we still don’t know and all of them are at each others throats and also some of the #participants feel a type of way about us. and i know i am being a fragile sensitive crybaby over it but i have had terrible cramps all day a #and have barely slept since ive been here and feel like ive been bending over backwards to support the leaders only to find out that half of #them think we’re evil and i just… i couldn’t take it. so i cried and now im beating myself up for crying. but it’s like come ON. i know we #did a pretty imperfect job of preparing them for this. and i should just take responsibility for that and not be defensive. but it’s like… i #have NEVER seen this program in person before or been part of the planning of it. i was just a student last year like all of you. and also #HOW many fucking times did we create space for you to talk to us and invite us in. and still this shit happened. and i just feel like a #failure. and i couldn’t react to that information in any way except cry liek it’s all so over my head and out of my depth and im not as #emotionally mature as my colleagues bc im the youngest and this is my first time dealing with this and i feel so incompetent and like i #failed. failed the first time by not speaking up when i was implicated in the stupid fucking Google form back channel situation last year #and now failed the second time by not being able to prevent this stupid drama bullshit from happening again and for not catching it. and jfs #like… im in excruciating physical pain and haven’t slept and haven’t eaten well and my life is falling apart and we were ABANDONED BY THE #PERSON WHO WAS RESPONDIBLE FOR THIS (i know we weren’t abandoned she literally just got a new job i just have psychological issues) and #we’ve been running at a million miles per hour with absolutely no break and now you’re mad at us and not even telling us and it’s impacting #everyone’s experiences but you want to pretend this is fucking high school and keep secrets. i am TIRED of drama. i am TIRED of this stupid #bullshit. and not to say this bc i don’t know if asb 2022 drama factored into her decision to leave but if it did i get why * left now. i #get it. bc this shit makes me want to jump out the hotel window. i do not want to face any of them tomorrow and deal with more bullshit. i #am emotionally unstable and incompetent and not equipped to deal with this in a mature healthy way. i want this to be over NOW. im done.#ok i think that’s it um. sorry about that i just needed other people to know i am suffering and i will suppress the shame i feel about that #just this once. esp bc i denied myself the opportunity for my colleague besties to comfort me while i was crying and i regret it now lol

12 notes · View notes

theres-whump-in-that-nebula · 10 months

Text

Okay what other soul-crushing books about the meaning of humanity can I read?

#I’m a sucker for characters who aren’t treated as human and start to believe it themselves #Maybe it’s my queerness; maybe it’s my cult upbringing; maybe it’s my neurodivergence; maybe it’s my profession #idk #The only problem is that I get an overwhelming urge to take care of someone who doesn’t exist #which is weird because I typically don’t feel much empathy in real life #I guess I’ve become addicted to it???#I know you don’t need empathy to be a good person; but for me feeling any emotion at all is reassurance that I’m not soulless??#I like feeling strong emotion; but I almost never get to because I’m so damned calm about everything #There’s an emotional cutoff point where after a certain amount of exposure to something I can’t experience the same emotions for it #Happiness sadness anger disgust fear anxiety love… they all have different decay rates (love lasts the longest) but they all go away #I can still outwardly behave as if I react the same way from muscle memory; but it’s a hollow caricature #Which is frustrating when all the directions for crying on command amount to “remember a past life event that makes you cry”#Bold of you to assume I have any real emotional connection to my past #And I’m a good actor otherwise but… hm can’t do that

4 notes · View notes