#regardless of how it starts it’s always nice to see people want to learn about how other people live

[tariah23]

https://x.com/imlost_mp44/status/1734726462605779390?s=46&t=QiKHdDdvKoMxWGyakqTvxA

But until then they will be at each other’s throats

Tbh, If you aren’t Black or Asian then I don’t think it’s fully appropriate to comment on like, any of this, especially even mentioning “the being at each others throats,” part if I’m being honest, like. Black ppl as a whole don’t really have much of an issue with anyone else, it’s usually just the other way around really and for the most part, we accept everyone (sometimes to a fault,) into our space and culture. Just as long as it’s not appropriative or making fun of us then it’s like, what can you do? There will always be conversations needed to be had in order to build some kind of common ground between poc but yeah.

[masterhallmark]

Rant incoming

I feel like the problem with a lot of Disney's live action remakes (and arguably Wish) is they're trying to appeal to a crowd that no longer exists, namely the people who used to claim that the Disney Princesses were sexist.

All the interviews tend to include, "Well she's not chasing a MAN anymore" which...almost no one sees the princesses like that, anymore. Virtually NO ONE still believes the princesses are man-chasing sexist caricatures of women.

Cinderella is now hailed as an abuse victim who stayed strong long enough to get help to get out of her situation. Anyone who says she should have saved herself is basically regarded as a victim blamer. And it's very clear in the film she wasn't looking to marry the prince, she just wanted a night off. She was the only one who wasn't in line to meet him. She didn't find out she met the prince until he went looking for her!

Snow White is now hailed for her negotiation skills, ability to calm down after extreme stress (she had a moment of panic and had to cry for a bit, but who wouldn't after finding out The Queen hired someone to kill you?), and ability to take charge of a house of adult men. And again, she was an abuse victim, this time trying to escape ASSASSINATION ATTEMPTS. While she dreamed of her prince, it was secondary to her main goal of SURVIVAL. There are also entire video essays about how Snow White gave hope to people during The Great Depression.

Everyone acknowledges that Ariel wanted to be human BEFORE meeting Eric. We all know she was a nerd hyperfixating on humans, and also standing up to her prejudiced father.

We understand Sleeping Beauty wasn't the main character, the Three Good Fairies were, AND PHILLIP WOULD NEVER HAVE BEATEN MALEFICENT WITHOUT THEM! He literally depended on them! WOMEN SAVED THE DAY! But even then, is it really such a sin for a girl to fantasize about romance and fall for someone with corny pickup lines?

We all understand Jasmine just wanted someone to treat her LIKE A PERSON. She rejected every Prince before Aladdin because they treated her like a prize. So why did they need her to want to be Sultan? How did that make her more feminist when she already wanted to be treated like an equal and have a say in her future? Is it only empowering if you want a career in politics?

We admire that Belle, despite living in a judgemental village, was kind to everyone (even though she found the village life dull), and her story teaches girls that the guy everyone else loves isn't always a good guy. What's sexist about teaching girls about red flags? And she didn't start being nice to The Beast until he started treating her with respect and kindness.

Do I really NEED to defend Mulan or Tiana? I think they speak for themselves.

Rapunzel was yet another abuse victim who just needed a little help to get out of her bad situation. In this case, she also needed to learn that she was an abuse victim, and that what Mother Gothel did WASN'T normal, much like many victims of gaslighting.

And don't get me started on the non-princess animals.

Perdita had a healthy relationship with Pongo to the point she was open to express her pregnancy fears to him, and was ready to TEAR APART Cruella's goons for daring to touch her puppies as well as adopting the other puppies. Like, she was so ferocious the goons mistook her for a hyena! She's basically that "I AM THAT GIRL'S MOTHER!" scene from SpyXFamily if Yor were a dog. She and her husband were a TEAM.....but they made a Cruella live action to turn her into a girlboss?! The literal animal abuser!? THAT'S the woman you wanted to put on a pedestal when Perdita was RIGHT THERE!?

Duchess kept her kittens calm after they had been catnapped and was classy as heck. Nice to everyone regardless of social class during a time period where that was uncommon.

Lady stood up to Tramp when she believed he had abandoned her and didn't really care about her. She found out he was a heartbreaker and was like, "Nuh uh. No. You are not doing that to me! You put me through enough."

Miss Bianca from The Rescuers was IN CHARGE the whole movie, and was willing to risk life and limb to save an innocent child. THAT TINY MOUSE TOOK ON ALLIGATORS! And she picked Bernard to accompany her because he was the only one who wasn't ogling her. And then in the sequel SHE DID IT ALL AGAIN! I wish I were as brave as her.

Like, the public haven't accused these ladies of being sexist caricatures since 2014 (Actresses and actors don't count, they're out of touch like the rest of Hollywood) yet Disney is operating under the assumption that the public still thinks that way, hence all the "sHe'S nOt AfTeR a MaN iN ThIs VeRsIOn" talk.

The live action remakes are trying to attract an audience that doesn't really exist much, anymore, and back when it did exist, was comprised mainly of people who didn't actually watch the films. The Disney princesses are no longer seen as sexist, and feminine qualities are no longer seen as weak or undesirable.

[nixoon-again]

i have so many thought about tails growing up. like sonic gets more like tails, tails gets more like sonic in a way but worse.

sonic learns how to show more affection through words and actions, where he didn't know what how to deal with his emotions and buried them deep for no one to see, he learns to be more open and grows as a person who wants to be here with his friends and family, and learns to share his worries with his family too.

while tails — raised by an 11 year old who didn't talk much, didn't stick around for long, didn't like long hugs, felt trapped in too many people, hated being stuck in one place, wanted nothing but the fresh air in his quills away and alone yet so selflessly helping everyone he can — grows into a person who doesn't really know if his emotions even matter or what he should do with them. he doesn't want to cry, he doesn't want to be seen crying, he doesn't want anyone near him in his more vulnerable moments. he loathes the idea. he questions himself every night whether he actually loves his friends and family or whether they love him or are they just being nice for the sake of an unlovable kid. it's drifting them apart, it snowballs from the solo adventure tails was so excited to go on. he doesn't know how long that adventure is going to be or should it even be called an adventure because really its just him running away from the people whose presence is starting to suffocate him, he doesn't know if its the idea of hugs and "I missed you"s and celebrations that makes him want to run or his inability to handle his own emotions anymore. he's not fond of physical contact, he would rather not use his voice, he doesn't want to stay here anymore, there's an itch within him to get away, get away, get away.

but he can't. that's not who he is. so he returns and suffocates.

sonic tries to surprise him one night after a successful project by making dinner. he welcomes the fox, now taller than him, with open arms and a warm smile. tails looks at him, knows sonic is offering the hug this time for no reason but simply because he can — and where a certain 8 year old would've been ecstatic at the sight and would've ran into his brother's arms and wouldn't have let go, now is a different story. tails doesn't know what to do. he looks lost, none of his seemingly infinite knowledge helps him in that moment.

sonic notices the distress and asks if everything is okay but tails, having heard it so many times in his life, simply says "nothing. you worry too much."

tails barely touches the food, neither of them talk, he doesn't sleep. its 1:34 am. he gets the tornado and leaves.

sonic waits because regardless of everything, tails always comes back.

[yandere-kokeshi]

Yandere spider verse your pick villain x Deaf reader

Warnings: yandere behavior and talks about people getting beat up.

A/N: I love that you decided to let me pick. I'm not really good at deciding and it picked Miles Morales from Earth-1610.

When he first met you, he was annoyed. Not only did you ignore him, but you constantly pointed at your ears when he did catch your attention - of course, he thought you were making fun of him. But later did he realize that you couldn’t hear, hence the pointing and not hearing him when he approached.

At first, he was rather careless about your deafness. He wasn’t mean or rude, just rather indifferent; you were just something else.

But for some reason, you’d caught his eye. Possibly it was the way you stood up for yourself, not allowing anyone to walk over you, regardless of your condition.

Or how you were incredibly gentle and nice, always saying hello to him. At this point, he starts to get closer to you and ends up falling for you.

He’s a huge help with reminding things and keeping track of time. If you get distracted and forget to look at the time, Miles will tell you what’s up and help you in which way he can.

With reminding, he’s always on top of that - if you have a doctor’s appointment, a quiz needed for school, or even need to get up early to meet with a family member, he always makes sure to get up earlier than you, helping you get ready.

Being deaf can be challenging. Things can overwhelm you quickly, and having problems with society can be mentally and emotionally draining. This said, Miles will often remind you to take it easy and allow him to handle the grocery shopping, the need of getting supplies, and resources that you might want.

Miles has learned to get your attention by using other forms of ‘sounds’ and actions - stomping on the ground, letting you feel the vibrations, or simply using lights as a way to diverse your attention towards him.

It’s possible he already knows sign language as he’s pretty observant. But he’s more than happy to spend time with you, watching how you teach him or fix his mistakes when signing.

God help anyone who dares to disrespect you. Even if they look at you weirdly, the next day, they’re on the news murdered. He’s pretty protective, especially with how you can’t hear and all. With this, he always pesters about coming with you whenever you’re gonna go somewhere.

Uncle Aaron respects you quite a lot, seeing how you treat Miles and how he acts a bit differently near you. He’ll treat you like a family member.

Sure, he’s a bit cold and distant, but the minute you’re in danger, he’ll make sure you’re put into safety as quickly as possible.

—

Masterlist || Please consider reblogging and commenting instead of liking, it helps me as a creator!! Stay well!!

© yandere-kokeshi 2023 — Do not copy, modify, edit, repost, or use my works for ASMR readings, tiktoks, or other content.

[scoobydoodean]

what’s your opinion on “lebanon”? as it actually is in the show and how fans/fic writers interpret/approach it.

cause i’ve been binge-reading “lebanon” fics and i’ve noticed two patterns: sam might argue with john or he stays calm but regardless he preaches to dean about what a terrible father john was, and dean always falls back into his performing and just keeps defending john. now i love all that angst, really i love it so much, these fics are phenomenally written… but i’m just wondering if i’m crazy to think that dean wouldn’t actually fall back into that role to such an extent, and whether the episode actually kinda got it right by having dean feel secure with his family as it is. iirc my issue with the episode is that neither dean nor sam got to express any issues with john in an honest but civil way (and that john is too nice) but that still i liked dean’s expression of security, but tbh it’s been awhile since i last watched it so maybe i’m missing/misremembering smth… thanks!

One of the strangest things I see in fandom is how many people's sense of how Sam views John versus how Dean views John is just flat out wrong. The idea that Dean is always defending John while Sam is always criticizing him the whole show is negated over and over and over in the actual show itself—extremely overtly.

There's two issues here in my mind that lend to this fandom problem.

The fandom accepting Sam and Dean's "John Narratives" at face value in the early episodes of season 1. For example, watching 1.08 "Bugs", where Dean claims to have no resentments toward John and says Sam also was a dick during Sam and John's fight, and going, "Well there we go. Dean has no resentments and refuses to criticize John but Sam will." At this point, we already know from 1.06 "Skin" that Dean does have resentments toward John for not appearing to care about him and for abandoning him, and we get further indications in 1.11, and 1.21 in this season alone. Another example is Sam and Dean's clashes in 1.10 "Asylum" and in 1.11 "Scarecrow", which are largely analyzed by the fandom as moments where Dean is blindly following orders when they have some other, better option Sam is pushing, and Dean is just refusing to go along with Sam's much better ideas because he's too focused on believing their dad knows best... when that is not actually what is happening at all. Sam's alternative plans in the beginning of 1.10 and 1.11 are absolutely stupid. In 1.10, he wants to call the FBI on John to find him. That's his big idea—instead of following the coordinates John just sent them and seeing if he's there. In 1.11, Sam's big bright idea on finding John is to abandon some people to die on a time-sensitive case so he can go search all of Sacramento for John with nothing but an area code. His plans are dumb, plain and simple—and while we do see Dean hiding his own resentments in these episodes too, that does not remain true—which brings me to the other issue here.

Fandom doesn't leave room for the brothers perspectives on John and their outward expressions of those perspectives to shift or mature over the series. This is particularly funny because their perspectives are literally swapping over the course of season 1, and have pretty much fully swapped by 2.02.

Sam's shifting season 1 perspective on John

What actually happens in season 1, is that Sam, who starts out burning with resentment and hurt toward John for disowning him and being a smothering drill sergeant and absent, binge-drinking dad, slowly begins empathizing him because he's now suffered a similar trauma and is having extreme difficulty coping with it himself! Sam's empathy for and understanding of John (and hell—even respect for John handling it as well as Sam thinks he was capable) is already beginning to show in 1.02—where Sam asks Dean "How does Dad do it?" (i.e., deal with the same burning rage and desperation for vengeance that is tearing Sam apart) (gifset). In 1.04, he learns John was bragging about Sam's accomplishments to other people (gifset). In 1.08, when Dean tells Sam that John was never actually disappointed in him—that he was scared Sam would get hurt if he wasn't around (gifset here) a lot of Sam's anger about the Stanford fight fades. He ends the episode saying "Dad did the best he could" (a repeated quote often misattributed as coming more from Dean) and saying he wants to find him to apologize to him for the things he said (gifset). John and Sam share a heartfelt, tearful hug in 1.16—at the end of which Sam begs John not to leave, and in 1.20, John himself apologizes and explains what was going on in his head when they fought, and it ends with them smiling and laughing as they acknowledge they understand each other and they're the same. I track Sam and John's relationship through the tag, #we probably have a lot more in common than just about anyone because Sam says that during that conversation in 1.20 (gifset).

Dean's shifting season 1 perspective on John

At the same time this shift is happening in Sam, we see Dean going the exact opposite direction. He starts out believing John has their best interest at heart even if they don't understand his actions, but the resentment is there too (1.06). In 1.09 and in 1.12, Dean needs help desperately, and John doesn't answer. While Sam is learning that John actually cares about him, Dean is growing more and more concerned that John doesn't care about him (Dean) specifically. We see this resentment start to come out (season 1 compilation set here) in 1.20, when John says he wants to keep the boys safe and that's why he's ditching them, and Dean calls it "A bunch of crap". Dean begins standing up to John to his face from this episode onward—finishing 1.20 with a "Yeah well we saved your ass" in response to John saying they disobeyed him. In 1.21, John tries to get on his case, and Dean lays into him about not answering the phone and specifically about abandoning Dean when Dean needed him in 1.09 and 1.12. In 1.22, Sam tries to get his way by telling Dean that John wouldn't want them to bring The Colt to save him, and Dean yells "I don't care what Dad wants!" and then when Sam starts throwing the blame on him for everything, Dean says,

Well, you and Dad are a lot more alike than I thought, you know that? You both can’t wait to sacrifice yourself for this thing. But you know what? I’m gonna be the one to bury you. You’re selfish, you know that? You don’t care about anything but revenge.

Dean has compared Sam and John more than once during the series, and it has never ever been a compliment.

Sam and Dean in the rest of the series

Sam and Dean's interactions about John in rest of the series are... almost universally the opposite of what the fanfics you've picked up suggest. Their interactions almost always show Dean criticizing John and Sam keeping silent or defending him, or reiterating that John did what he had to/the best he could.

Gifset on Dean's whole season 2 "Fuck John Winchester" vibe here.

In 2.01, Dean shouts at John for (it appears) abandoning him to die:

DEAN Come on, Dad. You've gotta help me. I've gotta get better, I've gotta get back in there. I mean, you haven't called a soul for help. You haven't even tried. Aren't you going to do anything? Aren't you even going to say anything? I've done everything you have ever asked me. Everything. I have given everything I've ever had. And you're just going to sit there and you're going to watch me die? I mean, what the hell kind of father are you?

Sam and John have a horrible fight where John blames him for Dean's condition and Sam tells him to go to Hell only for him to make a demon deal and literally go to Hell that same day (gifset) and Sam tries to start another fight right before John dies but John refuses to engage (gifset). The result ends up being that Sam and Dean have fully swapped places on John by 2.02 with John's death as the catalyst. John's death leaves Sam with regrets that their last interaction was Sam trying to start a fight (2.02). He decides he wants to hunt in John's memory (2.02) (gifset1, gifset2) while a part of Dean desperately wants to quit the life altogether—he's clawing the walls but feels helplessly trapped (2.09, 2.10, 2.20).

Sam defends John while Dean suggests John lead them down the wrong path with a dogmatic rule book (2.03). He demands they go to Lawrence so he can place John's dog tags over Mary's grave (2.04). He spends the season regurgitating John's orders, pushing Dean to do what John told him to do (2.11, 2.14, 2.20) while Dean wants to quit the life (2.09, 2.10, 2.20) and burns with anger toward John. In 2.10, Dean says "I wish to god he'd never opened his mouth!" about John.

In 2.11 "Playthings":

SAM (shoving DEAN to face him) Dean! Dad told you to do it, you have to. DEAN Yeah, well, Dad's an ass! (SAM frowns in confusion) He never should have said anything! I mean, you don't do that, you don't, you don't lay that kind of crap on your kids! SAM No. He was right to say it! Who knows what I might become? Even now, everyone around me dies!

We see Dean seething with resentment while Sam defends John's orders and tries to enforce them on Dean, carrying the legacy of their father in more ways than one.

Over and over, we get indications that a part of John treated Dean as disposable while he sheltered Sam, and that Dean is increasingly aware of the impact that's difference has had on him—to the point he realizes his father's neglect and abuse is the reason he isn't fighting to save himself in 3.10 "Dream A Little Dream Of Me". Dean and John's relationship is intentionally paralleled with a physically abusive relationship between a father and son in this same episode (gifset, meta), and in this episode, Dean rejects his father as an "obsessed bastard", calls Bobby his father (gifset), and decides from this point forward, he's going to fight to save himself from his demon deal because fuck John Winchester.

DREAM DEAN Dad knew who you really were. A good soldier and nothing else. Daddy's blunt little instrument. Your own father didn't care whether you lived or died. Why should you? DEAN Son of a bitch! My father was an obsessed bastard! All that crap he dumped on me, about protecting Sam! That was his crap! He's the one who couldn't protect his family! He– who wasn't there for Sam! I always was! He wasn't fair! I didn't deserve what he put on me! And I don't deserve to go to Hell!

And yeah! Dean also still loves John! And more than that—he craves John's protection. We see this in 3.14 "Long Distance Call" when the Crocotta calls to Dean as John from beyond the grave, telling Dean exactly what Dean wants to hear: "I never wanted this. Never. You're my boy, I love you. I can't watch you to go to hell, Dean," and telling Dean he can save him. This is pure longing for the love and protection Dean has always desired from John but feels like he's never received. Instead, he's always felt disposable.

In season 4? Oh boy... we get this incredible bit in 4.10 between Dean and Anna:

ANNA I was stationed on earth 2,000 years. Just... watching... silent... invisible... out on the road... sick for home... waiting on orders from an unknowable father I can't begin to understand. So don't tell me that -- DEAN laughs. ANNA What is so funny? What? DEAN Nothing. Sorry. It's just...I can relate.

Then in after meeting Adam in 4.19, Sam and Dean have a fight about whether to bring Adam hunting with them or leave him to a normal life:

DEAN 'Hunting is life. You can't have connections.' Dad gave you that exact same speech, remember? It was just before you ditched us for Stanford. You hated Dad for saying that stuff, and now you're quoting him? SAM Yeah, well, turns out Dad was right. DEAN Since when? SAM Since always. Dean, when I look at Adam, you know what I see? DEAN A normal kid. SAM No. Meat. Because the demons and monsters out there, that's all he is. I hated Dad for a long time. I did. But now I think I understand. So we didn't have a dog and a white picket fence. So what? Dad did right by us. He taught us how to protect ourselves. Adam deserves the same. DEAN Listen to yourself, man. SAM You think I’m wrong? DEAN I think it's too late for us. This is our life. This is who we are, okay? And it's fine. I accept that. But with Adam, he's still got a chance, man. He can go to school. He could be a doctor.

Sam says John did right by them. Dean thinks he absolutely didn't, but they can't change who they are now—they can only keep others from falling down the same path.

At the end of the episode? Oh boy...

DEAN You know, I finally get why you and Dad butted heads so much. You two were practically the same person. SAM looks over. DEAN I mean, I worshipped the guy, you know? I dressed like him, I acted like him, I listen to the same music. But you were more like him than I will ever be. And I see that now. SAM I'll take that as a compliment. DEAN You take it any way you want.

It is NOT a compliment.

In 5.16, Dean is confronted with god's intentional absence, and burning with resentment, says to Joshua,

Forget it. Just another dead-beat dad with a bunch of excuses, right. I’m used to that. I’ll muddle through.

In 5.13, Sam takes the opportunity presented to him by young John's presence to defend their father and tell John that he forgives him (gifset).

JOHN Look, how long have you known about this...hunting stuff? SAM Pretty much forever. My dad raised me in it. JOHN You're serious? Who the hell does that to a kid? SAM Well, I mean, for the record, Mary's parents did. JOHN I don't care. You know, what kind of irresponsible bastard lets a child anywhere near—Y-you know, you could've been killed! SAM I, uh...came kind of close. SAM laughs. JOHN The number it must've done on your head...Your father was supposed to protect you. SAM He was trying. He died trying. Believe me. SAM sits down on the bench under a window. SAM I used to be mad at him. I—I mean, I used to... I used to hate the guy. But now I—I... I get it. He was...just doing the best he could. And he was trying to keep it together in—in—in this impossible situation. See... My mom, um... She was amazing, beautiful, and she was the love of his life. And she got killed. And...I think he would have gone crazy if he didn't do something. Truth is, um, my dad died before I got to tell him that I understand why he did what he did. And I forgive him for what it did to us. I do. And I just—I love him.

What Lebanon does is present Sam with the opportunity to reiterate his forgiveness toward a John who understands the context:

SAM Dad… for me? That fight… that was a lifetime ago. I don’t even remember what I said, and – I mean… yeah. You know what? You did some messed-up things. But I don’t… I mean, when I think about you… [voice breaks] and I think about you a lot… I don’t think about our – our fights. I think about you… I think about you on the floor of that hospital. And I think about how I never got to say goodbye. JOHN Sam. Son. I am so sorry. SAM I’m sorry, too. But you did your best, dad. You – you fought for us, and you loved us, and… that’s enough.

So yeah! The fanfic narrative here where Sam is Mr. "Dad was bad" and Dean is Mr. "Nooo dad did the best he could" IS ABSOLUTE NONSENSE!!!!!

[yongislong]

clingy partner + dreamies.

genre: fluff, nonidol!dreamies with a clingy partner and vice versa... ish?

note: tysm anon! im sorry this took so long, i've been so busy TT not proofread pls... b kind </3 lol

mark... would actually melt. likes being adored in a way thats different from the usual praise and skinship he receives from the people around him. he gives you a certain ability to be able to be clingy in ways others can't if that makes sense? doesn't have a preference on when you're clingy with him, he just loves that you hang onto him constantly. always encourages you to love up on him, especially if people make backhanded comments and he sees you slowly pulling away?? he hates that sm! would honestly want his own space sometimes because he's always busy, but never ever makes you feel like you're a burden or a chore

renjun... i don't know if he would like it too much! everyone adores him all the time and yes having a partner is different than him hanging out with the neos but i honestly think he just likes everything to be private and pretty basic. that's not to say he doesn't like you being clingy or won't be clingy to you back, he just prefers to have you in private. likes it when he senses you need him and he feels very wanted in a sense that you always seem to want to touch him and follow him around. usually doesn't mind it because you're not invasive about it. sets healthy boundaries though!

jeno... loves it. oh my god i feel like he would want a clingy parter. he's on the quieter side so someone to just sit with him and wrap themselves around him like a koala while he just goes on about his day just, sounds so nice and appealing?? loves it when you follow him around like a lost kitten... he pats you on the head as a reward each time, v wholesome overall! especially likes you being clingy in public because he lives and breathes to show you off like UGH and when you're not afraid to show the world how obsessed with him you are??? ugh! you sitting on his lap while he games?? feels as though he won at life

haechan... oh my god, its so hard to be clingy with him because he's already so clingy with you. he reminds me of those high school and university boys who like tease you sm but are always so sweet and look like a puppy and you can't help but... adore them?! and he thinks if you the same way. honestly if you're usually really clingy, he adores it regardless and you both are in your own lovey little world 90% of the time BUUT if you usually aren't and start being clingy with him out of the blue, oh he will never let you live it down

jaemin... takes it as an opportunity to baby you to the max!! if he had a partner i think, since his moods vary sm and he's more of an ambivert, he would want to gauge how clingy and lovey he would be to his partner whenever he would get into those moods, so when he sees you being clingy, he takes that as an open to be doting to you and he also finds himself getting into a cutesy mindset?? as well? really enjoys you in general and he's a pretty touchy person himself and i think he would especially be a fond of clinginess if he is in love with someone the way he loves you. a cuddler for sure

chenle... one of his favorite things about you hehe. likes to feel like a big man yknow, i've said this before LOL but its true!! i will say though he seems to me like the type of person who likes his alone time and personal space but does allow you to cling to him because... its YOU! and he has a very soft spot for you. but also, like renjun, makes it a point to communicate when he wants his own space. and he is very good at not making you feel bad about it, just offers different alternatives so he doesn't get like... overstimulated

jisung... is used to people being lovable and adoring but... this is so different like, you want to pepper his face with KISSES??? oh my gosh. doesn't mind you being clingy but never knows how to handle it especially in the beginning of you guys dating. learns your clingy habits and comes to adore the way you treat him when you lean towards a more doting mood like UGHHH and if you're shorter than him?? and he just looks down at you while you smile lovingly with your arms wrapped around him GAHHH. likes back hugs from you when you're extra clingy. he is obsessed with you and slowly becomes equally as clingy

[itsmarsss]

Scandalous (Blitzø x Fem!Succubus!Reader x Stolas) [Helluva Boss] pt. 3 - The Imp

How the mighty do fall. (Getting into a weird three-way situation with an imp and a succubus isn't exactly considered classy, Stolas)

He's not just a bitch! He's a bitch with a backstory.

pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 4 | pt. 5 | 1st bonus

Word Count: 3,140

Warnings: a lot of trauma related stuff, a lot of self-deprecating thoughts, some things are canon-compliant and some are my own, i think that's it, also hey look it's the reason blitzø wanted to sneak into ozzie's so bad!

Blitzø has been called many different things throughout his life. 

Most of those things have been insults but, hey, who’s keeping track? 

From an entitled prick to a selfish asshole to shit-for-brains to imp scum to… well, you get the gist of it. You name it, he’s been called it. And he was perfectly fine with being all of those things.

He’d decided very early on that he would own any titles he was given if it meant he had any sort of control over how they affected him. 

And it worked. If he was going to be called useless, or selfish, or a low-level regardless of what he did, he was just going to let himself become all of those things. If no one expects anything good to come from him anyway, why should he even care to try? This wouldn’t help stop them saying all those awful things he hated to hear about himself, but at the very least he’d be at peace knowing he wasn’t spending his entire life humiliating himself for the off-chance that someone would see him the way he wanted them to.

That way, he’d always have the upper hand.

Growing up in the circus, Blitzø learned at a very young age that he was no more than a collateral to his father. ‘Useless’ at being sufficiently entertaining, as he always heard he was, Blitzø understood entirely too well that he was only kept around for the simplest of all things he was: unpaid labor and an obligation.

At times, in his teenage years, he’d start to wonder if he would ever have been kept around at all if it weren’t for his mother.  

And sometimes, well into adulthood already, Blitzø would find himself hurting people. Really hurting people. Sometimes even on purpose, without ever fully understanding why he did what he did. Most of the time he would try and ignore it, or pretend not to care, try to convince himself it was for the best that he kept his distance from people. 

But, at certain times, thoughts of his mother would consume him. Would she be proud of who he had become? 

He hardly thought so. 

There were times when he would even find himself wondering who he could have grown up to be had she stayed around for longer. Would he be nice? Kind? Caring?

Would he be loved?

But she wasn’t around, and that was his fault, he kept reminding himself. And that wasn’t fucking fair. 

His mother was always kinder than his father ever was. She was sweet and caring and always made sure to check on him. The moments they spent together were always his favorite as a kid. 

When she was with him, it almost felt like nothing else mattered, as if her presence could shield him from anything- he always blindly believed her when she told him time and time again that everything would be okay. It was a nice feeling. 

She was always full of life, always the soul of every room she entered, always cheering Blitzø back up when he was down. She was always pure light.

Except when his father was around. 

Blitzø loathed the way her demeanor changed around him, how she minimized herself to be next to him. When he was young, he’d always toyed in his mind with the idea of her being two different people who shared the same body: there was his mother, and there was his father’s wife. 

His mother was kind, compassionate, caring, free. His father’s wife was cold, quiet, dull.  

Fizzarolli entered his life really early on. 

At merely seven years old, he was taken into the circus after losing his parents in a freak accident, and Blitzø remembers the day they met clear as day.

Fizz was small. At the young age of eight years old, Blitzø vividly remembers his mind conjuring the term ‘fragile’ to describe him. 

Scared and vulnerable, Fizzarolli was an emotional creature, only a kid, after all. And that demanded care. At first, Blitzø really didn’t enjoy having to share his mother as a caregiver in the slightest. He was also only a kid, after all.

As time passed, though, he grew to quite like Fizz’s presence. He’d never really been much too surrounded by other kids, as it’d always been only him and his parents, and now he had a best friend! Someone to talk to and play with all the time, and who was as eager for a friend as he was himself. 

A couple years later, at ten years old, Blitzø received news from his parents: he was going to be a big brother. His father didn’t seem to express too many feelings about that- he never really expressed much other than disdain when it came to him, for the matter, but his mom seemed excited. 

Blitzø wasn’t exactly sure how to feel about it. Sure, he got used to sharing his life with Fizz, but that was enough, wasn’t it? Things were good as they were, why mess it up with another kid?

When Barbie was born, Blitzø made it his personal goal to express just how much he disliked the idea of having a sibling- but that only lasted a few weeks. A few weeks of being rude and purposefully stubborn were enough for him to notice how hurt his mother was that he was acting that way, especially when she was already clearly overwhelmed with taking care of the baby along with himself and Fizzarolli. 

Being the reason for his mother’s tears was the thing he hated the most in the whole wide world.

And so he stopped. It took him many months for his feelings about his sister to really change, but he decided he wouldn’t be so mean about it anymore, for his mom’s sake. And, with time, he grew used to his sister too. Sure, she was annoying and extremely clingy, as all babies and younger siblings are, and yes, he’d still act annoyed at her, but he started to not mind it as much.

He started to care.

At ten years old, too, on a random day, something rather unusual happened: his father came looking for him after a show, prompting him to stand up from the floor where he’d been playing with Fizz and their balloon horses, because he’d been… sold?

Yeah, that’s right. His dad told him, normal as ever, that apparently one of the Goetia princes had seen their part of the show earlier, and his father wanted to, quite literally, purchase Blitzø for the rest of the day. 

“Ew. Why?”

“Because money!” That always seemed to answer plenty when it came to Good Old Cash.

He was dragged to the Goetia palace with a purpose: to steal everything he could. That didn’t feel right nor did it feel safe. After all, who knew what sort of bad things could happen to him if he got caught stealing from royalty? He was young, but he knew they weren’t demons you wanted to mess with. 

He was scared. 

But they needed the money, and his dad had pulled the card that could get him to do basically anything he was asked to: ‘don’t you want to help your mother?’

Of course he’d do anything to help mama. 

Getting back home, he felt bad. Because the prince had been kind to him the entire time. Because the prince was naive, clearly not even having considered the possibility of Blitzø having been there to do what he did. Because everything his dad had told him about the big bad royals seemed to fall flat with Stolas. 

Getting back home, he still struggled to understand why he had been the one chosen to go, and not Fizz, when Fizz was clearly a better… well, everything… than he was. 

It was all too confusing, growing up with Fizz. As much as he loved him, there would always be a part of him that felt jealous, insecure around him. Because, to him, it seemed his best friend was everything he wanted to be and everything he wanted to be seen as. A better entertainer, a better friend, a better kid to his parents. Everything Blitzø could never live up to.

But, as he grew older, he came more and more to the realization that it wasn’t Fizz’s fault. It was all his parents. Or, rather, it was mostly his father. He was the one who put the two against each other, when, time and time again, they showed they only wished to work together, to be kids, to be friends… or more, maybe?

On the day of Fizarolli’s 17th birthday, Blitzø had been set on confessing the feelings he’d come to nurture towards the boy. Never used to this sort of thing, the only person he’d told about it was his mom, who had smiled oh-so-sweetly at him and hugged him as he let out tears, assuring him that it was okay for him to feel that way, even if it was scary. He’d prepared a badly rehearsed but well-meaning speech, written something for him in a birthday card, and even gone as far as stealing a rose from someone’s backyard to give him too.

Fizzarolli would have never even dreamed he’d have ever done all that for him, because he didn’t give him the card, and he didn’t give him the rose, and he didn’t tell him how he felt. Because there Fizz stood, laughing with his friends- friends! Friends who looked better and acted cooler and who were so, so much more interesting than Blitzø could ever be. He wasn’t a kid anymore, but he was still young. He still let his jealousy get the best of him, still let the frustration of feeling pathetic for even considering the chance that his best friend could feel the same way he did consume him.

But, as angry, as frustrated, as sad as he was, he never meant for it all to happen.

The fire changed everything.

His mother was gone because of him. His best friend almost died because of him. Barbie only went unharmed in sheer, dumb luck. Everyone’s lives were ruined, and it was all his fault. 

And so he decided he’d be better off far away. Not forever. Not for long. But, for now, everyone was sure to be better off without him near. He’d caused enough destruction already and he’d forever have the scars to remind him.

So he left. Simple as day, he told a crying, barely eight-year-old Barbie he’d be back soon and left a note for his father to find and give Fizz when he recovered. 

Not forever. Not for long. 

The next time he saw his sister again was nine years later. And he tried. He so desperately tried to be present again. But Barbie didn’t seem to think it was fair of him to go no-contact for so many years. Yes, their father sucked- but leaving meant he left her to grow up alone with him. She lost a mother too. He wished things were different, but couldn’t blame her.

Two years later, at nineteen years old, was the first time Barbie had to be checked into rehab. Blitzø went there to visit every week, of course, but she never let him in. 

Just like Fizz, no matter how many times he tried, she simply didn’t want to see him.

After the fire happened, Blitzø decided he wouldn’t work as a clown ever again, cutting short his own big, flashy dreams.

 But that was the only thing he ever learned to do, and that made things difficult. For years on end, he had to jump from one job to another, trying to find anything he could to make a living for himself. 

He was never all that eager to admit to this part of his past, but there were times during which he’d slept on the streets or forced himself onto one one-night stand after the other just to have a place to crash. At some point, he found himself gambling the little money he got from working here and there. 

That’s how he met Verosika Mayday, anyway. At a cheap, dark, dirty club in Lust, as he tried to drink his sorrows away and let his luck decide whether he’d be able to pay for his stay at some gross little inn room down in Greed for the night or not, and she tried to kickstart her singing career, standing on the poor-lit makeshift stage with her electric-pink electric guitar and singing something barely anyone was paying any attention to.

A few years later came Loona. And Loona was love at first sight. At first, he wasn’t looking for a hellhound like her to adopt. He wanted a pet. 

But she looked so scared and angry, and so, so much like himself. She was about to be thrown out of the system into the streets to fend for herself at only eighteen. He knew what that was like entirely all too well, and he knew it wasn’t pretty. He wasn’t exactly the most sensitive person ever, but if only he could be something like a family to her, if only he could help her in any way so she didn't have to be all alone…

He adopted her immediately. 

It was a crazy idea, for many, very obvious reasons. First off, he’d just started making enough to make rent for a one-bedroom apartment in a shitty side of imp city. Second off, even though he was doing slightly better, he still barely made enough to feed himself alone. Third off, he had no fucking clue how to be a parent. Much less how to parent a teenager. 

But he made it work. He promised himself he’d make it work. He worked everywhere he could find, doing anything he possibly could (and, in hell, that meant anything), at any crazy hour, to make enough to support Loona. He bought books about parenting that he couldn't really read much of because most of them were targeted to soon-to-be parents of… well, babies, and included nonsense, fancy-pants words he didn’t have the patience to try and understand, but he tried his best to be a good parent to her. 

He never forced her to call him dad or anything of the sort, because he could understand how that was probably hard. He still couldn’t stop himself from shedding a few emotional tears when she did, even if most times were slip-ups. 

About a year or so later, he was set on a goal: he wanted to make a living for himself. Really make a living. Blitzø was tired of putting himself through every single job he could find just to barely make enough for him and Loona.

Well, it’s not exactly like he’d be the winner in a competition for the best morals in hell.

He started stealing. What? This was hell! 

The lifestyle went surprisingly well for him. He wasn’t making bank, but it beat working like 24 hours a day to barely survive. As time went on, though, he started getting more and more confident. Stealing more, from wealthier, more influential people, pushing himself to do better each time things went well for him, having fun with letting things get more violent and subsequently bringing attention to himself. 

He was bound to steal too close to the sun someday. After a particularly… well, greedy robbery down by the Greed ring, things went south quickly, resulting in his arrest. 

Jail sucked, but honestly, he’d had worse. And, hey, his cellmate was sufficiently cool. 

Moxxie wouldn’t tell him much about his past or how he ended up there, but that wasn’t to worry when he didn’t particularly want to do the same either. What mattered was he had a plan to escape and a plan for after that and Moxxie could be of assistance. 

Escaping wasn’t easy, and the two of them didn’t leave exactly unharmed, but it was successful. 

The grand plan for after that was to start a company that specified in hired assassinations. Moxxie wasn’t perfectly happy with the idea, but damn was he good with a gun. 

But two not-even-that-much-experienced assassins didn’t really make a company, did they?

After a lot of convincing, even though they didn’t even keep in contact quite as much as they used to anymore, he somehow got y/n, a succubus he’d become friends with about a year before, to agree to work with them. 

Okay, three’s a crowd. 

Millie joined in not long after. 

Four’s a party. Or, well, a hired assassination company.

They worked phenomenally well all together as a team- even Loona was brought into the business, though Blitzø never really let her participate in the killing. Business went okay… until it didn’t. Things didn’t work as well in reality as they did in their minds- not for very long, at least. 

And so Blitzø had to bring back into light the same dumb, far-fetched idea he’d had a year earlier.

“What if we could kill humans?” He blurted out during a meeting in which the point of discussion was how to increase business.

You made a face at him. “What the fuck are you talking about?” 

“I mean it. Like, imagine how many of these sinners are walking around here just double-dying to have someone that they hate up there dead too. We’d have clients like forever!”

“If that were possible, Blitzø.,” Millie chimed in.

“It is possible.”

“Boss, no offense, but did you hit your head again?” Moxxie questioned, understandably confused.

“Y/n knows what I'm talking about!”

“What? No I don't.”

“Yeah you do. Your best friend Ozzie-boy has something that could let us do that.”

“Are you- wait.” There’s no fucking way. “When we met- were you- were you trying to steal an asmodean crystal?”

“I was not not trying to steal an asmodean crystal.”

“Uh, what is an asmodean crystal?” Loona asked, and you were surprised she’d even been paying attention.

You sighed. “Asmodeus has these enchanted crystals that can be used to create portals to the living world. We- uh- we get to use them at times. When necessary.”

“See? It’s perfect! He’d totally give you one.”

“Not for this. I think you forgot Fizzarolli hates your guts. Ozzie’s not gonna give me a crystal so I can help you with something. Really what the fuck did you even do to this guy?”

Blitzø ignored your last question completely. “He let you work with me,” he commented, matter-of-factly.

“He’s not my owner, asshole. But no. It’s not happening.”

Well, he'd really hoped it wouldn't have to come to this, but… he did know someone else who had a little something that could grant access to the living world.

A/N: I bet with so much complaining yall werent expecting this to actually come out huh expect the unexpected

[josiesullysblog]

His and Only His

~AGED UP Neteyam x Na’vi reader

~Explicit content, dom Neteyam, Sub reader, toy play

~Proofread?-no

~Summary- You were never one to let people walk all over you, but once you and Neteyam meet that changes.

***

You were a very opinionated person. If you wanted to say something, you were going to say it regardless if it hurt someone's feelings. Your mother said this was the best thing about you, that so many people are fake and it's refreshing to see someone so real.

So, you always did what you wanted, you weren't hurting anyone so why hold back what you wanted to say? You weren't mean, bitchy, some people would say, but you believed you were living your truth.

You had many friends, but none of them topped the friendship you had with Kiri. You two were connected by the hip, doing anything and everything together, but you never expected to fall for her older brother.

It started normal, you, of course, knew of him due to his title, and he was your best friend’s brother. A small hi or wave would happen and you two would be on with your day. Until one day it changed.

His body changed, and you had wondering eyes. He was taller, his voice was deeper, and he started hanging out a lot more. Neteyam noticed changes in you as well, your body started shaping, and you grew big boobs, bigger than anyone.

He wasn't the only one noticing the difference between you and other Na’vi girls. He couldn't explain why but it started to irk him how others spoke about you, but he knew his thoughts were worse. You were a loud opinionated girl but he knew he could break you.

He could make you shut up, no other man could do that to you. You needed to be dominated to have a man put you in your place but he knew you wouldn't voice this. So he’d have to break you, but he found this more fun.

He memorized your schedule, he appeared only for a short period but a long enough time to where he knew he’d have your attention.

“How come I always see you?” you questioned him, “oh i’m on your mind?” he smirked at you. You shook your head, “no! It's not like that Neteyam,” he noticed the small blush appear on your cheeks. Perfect.

You had a crush on Neteyam, I mean how could you not? He was the finest man and had the best manners, but what you didn't know was that he was feeling you just as much.

Friday, was your relaxing day. No stresses, no jobs, and no training, a whole day dedicated to you. You lay in the sun, not noticing Neteyam’s eyes lingering on you.

“Beautiful day hm?” you jumped up looking at the voice, “yeah,” you said carefully watching the boy as he came closer, “feels nice to just relax?” you nodded, not having any words to say.

“You know the best way to relax is?” you shook your head noticing how he held a hand behind his back, “one thing I’ve learned is that those sky people love pleasure.”

He pulled out a small thing, it fit in the palm of his hand it made your curiosity skyrocket, “what is that?” he smiled, “this my dear, is to help relax you in the best way possible, orgasm,” your eyes widened, “what?”

Neteyam laughed, “you out of all people should know,” you immediately stood up, “what do you mean by that?” Neteyam found it's comical that you thought you could intimate him. “You're always so tense,” he stood behind you, messaging your shoulders causing your breath to hitch.

“Don’t you want to feel good,” he couldn't think right, his voice, his touch, everything it was too much, “I guess,” he kissed your neck, “then you’d let me put this in you.” his words made sense you didn't know why.

You wanted to relax, “okay,” his hands traveled down taking your bottom off. His fingers found your entrance a moan coming out as a result, “already so wet for me,” your head flew back, “oh, yes please,” Neteyam smiled he had you just where he wanted you.

He stuck a finger in, stretching you, molding you to be ready for the toy. He found it after trying to get Lo’ak to come home after spending time with Spider. He knew it was wrong to steal, but the thought of you struggling to stand up because of something so small turned him on.

“Once this goes in you,” he said as he pushed it in, you threw your hand over your mouth which was quickly grabbed. His hand proceeded to play with your breast, “slow down Teyem,” his smile deepened, “i’m the only one who can take this out [Y/n].”

He became serious, grabbing your chin, “if I find out this is taken out, it won't be pretty for you.” the toy felt uncomfortable but fun. You squirmed as Neteyam finally let go of you, “say yes sir,” you tried catching your breath, “yes sir.”

You were so stupid. The only thought going through your mind was how could you let him put that thing in you. Every step you took was a reminder of what you let him do to you. Kiri would be so upset, your thoughts got the best of you.

You helped bandage up anyone hurt in the war party, hopefully, enough time to get your thoughts straight. This bit walked in, so insignificant you didn't even know his name. “Hey, [Y/n] help him!” you smiled as you told the boy to sit down.

Throughout the whole interaction, not many words were exchanged. You were so focused that you hadn't even noticed Neteyam lurking. You didn't know he was there till a vibration caused you to gasp, “are you alright,” you nodded, “yeah just got a body chill.”

You finished him off, holding back moans, “maybe you should lie down,” he said walking off, you just nodded as you made eye contact with Neteyam.

You walked over to the boy, “Neteyam stop,” he just smiled, “stop what? I’m not the one touching other boys,” your eyes widen, “that wasn't my choice I had to and why do you even care,” he grabbed your chin quickly, “everything having to do with you is my concern.”

The anger in your body dissolved as he spoke, “you always have something to say hm? I’m going to show you, your nothing but a cock sleeve.”

“That's not true,” you felt him intensify the vibrations, “look at you, fighting back moans, and you're not a cock sleeve,” your knees bucked, falling into Neteyam, “it's better if you admit it now.”

“Never,” you weren't going to betray your friend, your best friend. Neteyam forced you onto your knees, standing in front of you. “Suck,” he showed you his shaft, the head dripping with precum. “Don’t make me ask again.”

You wanted to push his buttons, see how far they’d go but at that moment you listened to him. Your mouth took him, bobbing on contact. Neteyam moaned watching you, “see I told you, nothing but a horny slut.”

You didn't hear his words, as you let your hand surround the rest of the part that didn't fit in your mouth. Vibrations roared inside you, causing you to moan on his dick. “Fuck just like that,” you were gone, like an addict you wanted more of him.

“I’m going to cum and when I do, pretty girl your all mine,” you went faster wanting him to cum, which you exceeded. He let out a loud moan, “fuck,” you wiped your mouth as you looked at yourself. Hair a mess, on the floor, you don't even know how you go to this point.

You shook your head, “why?” you sobbed, “why are you doing this to me?” he just smiled, “because you need me,” you looked at him confused, “you don't know it yet but you want to be dominated you love it.”

You moaned as you felt yourself coming near to orgasm, “you were made to be on your knees,” he watched you on the floor, “everything about you is submissive.”

You moaned louder as you were near, trying to cover your sound as the toy finally came to a stop.

“Your mine, [Y/n],” he got to your level making eye contact, “your body, your soul, everything you were made for me,” he kissed you as his hands slid up and down your arm.

“What about Kiri? Everyone else they’ll say-,” he cut you off, “do you think I care about what they have to say? I want you,” he grabbed your chin, “if I want you, i’ll have you.”

You stood up, wiping your tears, “how do I know you won't hurt me?” Neteyam smiled, “I want to fuck you, make you my horny slut, but I promise you this I’ll never mistreat you.”

He kissed your hand, “you are my most prized possession and you’ll be treated as such,” you smiled feeling giddy hearing him say that, “I’d like that.”

He smiled, “I know, you don't know what I have in store for you, little one,” his hands played with your nipples, “you have no idea.”

***

Hey guys! Sorry this was late I had last-minute plans but I got this done. The week is over so I’ll be going back to my old posting schedule :( but summer coming soon! Hope you all enjoyed it!

[igotanidea]

five years later : Jason Todd x fem!reader

the graphic is not mine, found it on Pinterest, all credit goes to the author.

Another piece of Cheshire!reader!verse aka what happened earlier, when Cheshire (Y/N) found out Jason was not in fact dead.

Other parts are: Cheshire cat and That damn gala and can be read regardless.

Warnings: all of it. Smut. Insecurities and mentions of scars. Angst. Mentions of Jay flings and Y/N unsatisfying relationships. Fluff at the end. MINORS DNI!

Loosely inspired on the song "Lost in the fire" by The Weeknd.

The air in the room was filled with so much tension and palpable electricity that the slightest spark could set it able. Y/N and Jason were sitting on the opposite sides, eyeing each other. She was suspicious, cold and unwavering. He was a bit nervous, shy and unsure what to say.

“So….” she started crossing her arms over chest “ you were dead”

“Yeah.”

“Did you get bored?” she mocked

“What?” the visible hurt in his eyes did not make her change this tone. She was angry, she felt betrayed and most definitely were not going to let him get away with everything he has done easily. “How could you….?”

“did they kick you out of Hell?”

“Y/n…..”

“No, Jace. Did they kick you out? I bet even the devil didn’t want you after he learned you played a trick like that on your family and …. friend….” She hesitated on the last word. Honestly, she had no idea if they were friends? Lovers? Frenemies? Before everything turned to shit they kissed a few times and were trying to become something more but now she wasn’t ready if what they had before was still on.

“Well that is far from a warm welcome I was expecting…..” he looked down a bit depressed. If she did not want him he truly had nowhere else to go. Bats rejected him, he was not going to turn to Bruce and she was his only hope. Apparently gone now.

“Are you serious?” her tone was cold as ice and so was her gaze “it’s been five freaking years, Todd” oh, shit, she was using his last name now. Silent fury, the worst kind. “You were dead. And they I just get a call from Dick with the most mysterious message : he’s alive. And apparently he has been for a while now. Tell me, Red Hood, because that is who you are now, right? Was is fun? Was it worth it?”

“It’s not like that.”

“Then what is it like? Go on, I’m being merciful here, you have one chance to explain it and then I don’t want to see you again. “

“I was dead” he sighed deeply “and then…. Then I got resurrected.” He sighed deeply knowing well enough she was not going to believe him

“Don’t give me this religious shit about bringing people back from the dead” she rolled her eyes and stood up in frustration

“Y/N….” he raised to her height as well, now his 6’4 figure towering over her “please, you have to believe me, I’m telling the truth. There’s this place called Lazarus pit. I… I was thrown there and …. came back.” He absentmindedly reached for her hands but she moved away.

“Yeah, I heard a legend about it. But sure as hell you did not crawl there by yourself. Who helped you? Was it someone I know?” Jason muttered something incoherently “sorry? What was that? And don’t try to lie, you know I am a human lie detector.”

“Thalia al Ghul.” He mumbled and his cheeks became a bit flushed

“Shut up!” she let out a desperate laugh.

“It’s true.”

“Oh, I know, I see it in your eyes. And on your whole face. God damn it! Thalia Al Ghul. Like Dami’s assassin mother?” still laughing she raised an eyebrow making sure she put the two dots together and hummed in satisfaction when he nodded “that is crazy. Wait till I tell him……”

“Don’t you dare!” he yelled moving closer to her.

“Oh, there you are. Not so quiet and repentant anymore. Good, nice to know you still got problems with anger management. Now, one more thing. Should I tell Damian that you and his mother actually had an affair?” she smirked with venom in her voice “that you….”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence!!” he was now even closer but she was the one who always liked to play with fire and push on his buttons.

“That you fucked his mother? Because you did, didn’t .....?”

Before she could finish this sentence Jason had her pressed against the wall, his chest moving up and down in frustration, panting

“Auch!”she mocked, but the impact really was painful even if she did expect it.

“You are a brat. Always have been. Guess nothing changed for the last five years.”

“Or maybe your time with League of Assassins exacerbated your temper? I mean you always had issues but now it’s seems completely out of control. Didn’t they teach you how to keep your cool?”

“How do you know about….?” He moved back, surprised with her words. He did not tell anyone what he was doing during the last years.

“Come on. Thalia? You just said it yourself. If she helped you, you definitely stayed there. It’s simple dots connecting. Oh, my god. That would be a spit and disgrace for Bruce if he ever were to find out! I can literally imagine his face right now.” She laughed hard, not moved by the fact that only a second earlier she was brutally pinned against the wall. She was a vigilante, things like that did not bother her.

“Will you just shut up!?” he yelled in frustration.

“Don’t worry. I won’t be the one to tell him. That’s one thing I can do for you” she smirked “Cheshire knows exactly how to keep a secret and yours is safe, all right? Now will you just calm down?”

“How do you expect me to calm down?” his gaze fixed on her and for the first time in a long, long time she was completely frozen by the look in his eyes “Do you know what you are doing to me?” he groaned

“Jason……” her eyes went wider and wider when he started moving towards her again and soon had her cornered. “Fuck!” she hissed. There was nowhere to run now and she mentally facepalmed herself for not taking precautions. She was not scared. Jason could be angered and violent, but he would never hurt her, right? Despite that rational part of her brain, telling her that it was still her Jace, her vigilante instincts got the best of her when she ducked under his arms and moved to the other side of the room.

The sound, the groan that came from the back of his throat when she wriggled out of his reach was not human. God, she always knew how to get on his nerves. So why the fuck did he still love her? Why did he want her? Now. Immediately. He wanted her under him, writhing and moaning his name in indefinite pleasure as he would go down on her, getting exactly where she needed him and giving her everything. He wanted to feel her against him, caressing her perfect body, showing her how much he missed her for those last years.  He needed to feel her and her touch on every scar he got from his fights. He wanted to kiss every place, every square centimeters of her smooth skin, her neck, collarbone, her breasts and belly button. He wanted her lips and those sweet sounds he knew she would make. He wanted to make her feel so fucking good. He craved to assure her that she was the only one on his mind. Ever. He needed to hear her whisper that she was his. He needed to know that she loved him too, that he was the only one for her. Fuck! He saw it in her eyes and if he was someone else he wouldn’t even hesitate just took her right there, right now, without asking, without waiting for her to say yes, just getting what he wanted. That was what Red Hood would do. However, she was still his sweet, beloved Y/N. Unruly and challenging but still he never wanted to break her. And just to her, he didn’t want to be the vigilante, the anti-hero. He wanted to be Jason Todd, the boy she knew before, hoping this would be enough and that she wouldn’t turn him away. Oh, he was getting such dirty thought…. The fact that he spaced out did not pass her

“Jaybird?” his eyes got a bit glassy when her voice switched from Cheshire  mode to concerned words of Y/N as she used his nickname “Jay?”

His lust filled eyes landed on her, pupils blown unnaturally, dark and with so much need and …..love. she involuntarily took a deep breath and just by seeing her like this, now completely vulnerable, with chapped lips, so innocent and frightened made him hard.

“Jay, why are you looking at me like that?” her voice trembled. Was she scared of him? That is not what he wanted. Slowly, carefully not to made her run away from him again he took a step forward. And then another and other, getting braver when she did not move, eyes searching his face “why are you…..?”

“You know I want you…..” he whispered “I always wanted you. Even when I was with…. anyone else, there was only you.” his face was now inches apart from hers and he could tell she wanted him too and were struggling to keep her composure and self-control. That was what she was learned, never give up control.

“Wait, you thought about me when you were having sex with other women? Ugh. That is seriously messed up and sick.”

“Y/N….” he whispered against her skin, brushing his nose over hers “You know I’ve always loved you…. I know I messed up, but give me one chance to fix it.”

“Just…. Just one chance.” She gasped and he leaned to kiss her but she put a finger on his lips  “What do you want to do to me?”

“I want to fuck you. Slow. With the lights on.”

“Ja…. Jay….” She whimpered “I…. I don’t…..” who would have thought that tough and independent Cheshire would suddenly become so shy and embarrassed because of physical intimacy.

“Don’t worry, kitten. I will make you feel good, I promise. I will devour you….” he whispered and finally, finally their lips met when, surprisingly, she was the one who pulled him down to her by his neck. Oh, she still wanted control. Even when he grabbed her hips, lifting her up with no effort and wrapping her legs around his waist making her feel how hard he was for her. She was still fighting for dominance when he bit on her bottom lip and his tongue sneaked into her mouth making her moan so sweetly. She was still resistant when his hands moved under her shirt, up, up, to her breast, cupping and massaging it gently through the thin material making her whole body shiver.

“Jay….” She gasped when his mouth moved down her neck to the collarbone, at the same time pulling the shirt over her head.

“Fuck, I love you…..”  he bit on her pulse point, definitely leaving the hickey. He wanted to mark her whole. “I so fucking love you.” he pulled away only to take her in. Her flushed cheeks, her parted lips, her wide, innocent eyes.

“I love you too Jace. But don’t stop.” she moaned

“I have no intention to do so, baby. I will take my time with you. We have so many years to make up for…..” he carried her towards the bedroom, throwing her onto the bed, losing his own shirt on the way and climbing up to hover above her body. All his scars were now visible and she gently, seductively, but also lovingly traced her fingers over them making him close his eyes. He was still insecure about how his body looked.

“My poor boy. My wonderful boy…..” she whispered “you’ve been through so much, haven’t you?” her hand travelled up to his cheek cupping it “Jace, look at me….”

“I hate them…..” he whispered

“Well I already love them. I love you. I don’t care about those scars. You are beautiful. So, so, beautiful. Each part of you….”

He could not hold it back any longer when he leaned in to kiss her with all passion he had. He wanted her closer, he wanted her to feel the love and longing and every emotion he had for her.

“Tell me what you want, Y/N. I’ll do everything, just tell me.” He kissed her neck again as she played with the hair at the nape of the neck.

“I…. Can we turn the light off?”

“Why?”

“Well, you are not the only one who’s insecure. And…. And I am not as experienced as you, so…..”

“Fuck. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes now. You are a goddess Y/n. I’m gonna show you” his hands moved down and behind her back unclasping her bra and as soon as her breasts were free he started kissing them with feather light kisses switching between left and right one. His tongue circling over her sensitive nipples as she was already falling apart. “Hmmm” he grinned moving down “we’ve only just began and you’re already  a mess. “

“Jay….. please, please…..”

“Don’t worry, princess, I’ll take you over the edge.“ she shivered and barely noticed when he moved down her pants and underwear pulling her legs apart. “so wet for me.”

“Come on!” she urged him, arching her back and moving her hips up to signalize him what she wanted.

“As you wish.” He dropped in between her thighs immediately hitting the perfect spot. She moaned and he grinned “there then?”

“Yes! Fuck! Yes, Jace, please, oh, please, please. I need you…..” she threw her head back and he sped up wanting her to cum, to feel all the pleasure.

“Tell me you’re mine, babygirl. Tell me who do you belong to?”

“You! You Jace! Please, fuck! I’m so close, so fucking close!”

In some other circumstances he would tease her more, but the way she squirmed and begged for release was too much. He just couldn’t keep edging his treasure. She deserved the best. A couple more licks and gentle circles on her clit and a few words “come for me babygirl” and she was over the edge, her vision turning white, her whole world limited to him. Jason. Jace. Jay. Her Jay. It took her a few seconds to get back on earth and the first thing she saw was his smiling face.

“Was that good? Was I good?���

“Fuck, Jay. That was… that was… fuck. I don’t even want to know who taught you that, but you were just phenomenal…..” she gasped locking her hands on his neck making him lean his forehead on hers “I want more…..” she closed her eyes.

“Needy now, huh?”

“Can you blame me? I bet you got enough stamina to keep me satisfied.” She smirked

“’Is that a challenge?”

“Yes.”

“You know I never back down from such. You want me inside you, baby?” he started unzipping his pants and soon they were on the floor along with his boxers, his cock hard and swollen springing out.

“Oh fuck, you’re huge…. I don’t know if….”

“You can do it. I’ll go slow, all right? Just say a word and I stop. No need to rush.” He assured her, capably putting on condom.

“O…ok.”

“Good….” He lined himself against her entrance but once again she stopped him from taking any action.

“Jace…..” she whispered looking anywhere but on him finally making him grab her chin and force her eyes on him

“Second thoughts?”

“No. No, of course not. I…. I trust you.” he melted when she said that, his hands started to shake, heart swelling with love and affection. “I just…..”

“Tell me what you want, baby. What do you want to do? I’m listening.”

“I want on top.”

“Getting confident, now?” he grinned “Can’t lie, I like that.”

“I just…. I’m not sure if I know how to…..”

“You never….? Wait, weren’t there any men?” he muttered and regretted that a second later. If there were anyone else in her life, touching her and loving her he did not want to know.

“A few. But…. Most of the times, even after…. I just had to take care of myself……” she tried to look down but he didn’t let her, softly caressing her cheek.

“You poor thing. Neglected and kept unsatisfied by a bunch of losers.  We’ll make sure it will never happen again. You….” he whimpered “you trust me?”

“Yes.” No hesitation in her voice. Zero inhibitions.

“I’ll make it worth it.” He pulled her up, making her sit on his lap so he could prepare her for his huge cock, his fingers circling her clit at first and soon getting inside. One. Two. three fingers were moving inside her and she was moaning and saying his name like a prayer. “You think you’re ready?”

“I…. Yes. Just… help me with it….”

“Come here” this time it was his turn to groan and moan when he grabbed her hips and guided her onto his cock slowly moving her down. “Fuck! So good, so tight!” she whimpered when he bounced a bit due to his excitement “sorry, baby” a little kiss on the lips “you’re good?”

“I think so….” she smiled shyly and looking more beautiful than ever

“God, you’re so hot. So beautiful. Do you even know it?” he said absolutely hypnotized by her widened eyes, messy hair and lips swollen from the kisses.

“All red and sweaty and sticky?” she laughed “you can’t be serious, Jay….”

“Look at me, babe.” She slowly lifted head to meet his eyes “You. Are. Fucking beautiful. And I’m so lucky you let me make love to you…..”

“Oh, so now we are making love? I though you said something about wanting to fuck me….”

“Changed my mind. You deserve so much more than just fucking.” his grip on her hips tightened when he pulled her closer and she moaned “That’s it baby. Show me how good you feel.”

“Jay…. I want to….”

“Ride me?”

“Yes...." She threw her head back in ecstasy.

“Go on then. You’re in control. Use me. Take what you need.”

“I don’t know…..”

“Just do what you feel like. Don’t worry about me. It’s all about you now, ok?”

“Mhmmmmm…. Ok.” She started to move her hips, slowly, testing the waters. That was new, and she did not want to hurt him or embarrass herself by doing something stupid. However soon it started getting more and more natural and easier.

“You’re doing so good, baby, so good” Jason praised her, fighting the urge to guide her hips to move a bit faster. “you can pick the pace up, its…. Ah, fuck!”

“Enjoying yourself?” she smirked, much more confident now, as she observed his blissful face and his half closed eyes and some sort of pride crept on. She was doing it to him.

“Oh, you little tease.” He moved and she bounced on his cock, squealing when she lost balance and quickly grabbed his neck for support “you first.” He started moving his hips against her, and the heat started building inside her. “close?”

“Mhm. So close. You?”

“Yeah.”

“Together?”

“Always.”

“Come for me baby boy” she used the same  sentence as he did before and with one final snap of their hips, she was sent over the edge, feeling his cock twitch inside her.

“Fuck!” he panted, holding her closer not ready to pull out. “I should…..”

“No…. hold me like this. Just for a while…..” she sneaked her arms around him clutching to his chest and his heart nearly jumped out of his body “I missed you.”

“Well, who am I to deny you this little koala moment?”

“koala?” she chucked against his skin, her laugh so beautiful

“Sorry, I forgot. You’re a kitten.”

“Not just any kitten. Cheshire. I can play with your mind….”

“You don’t even have to try. You already made me crazy for you. " He kissed her temple lovingly. "Now, let me clean you up.” He pulled out, removed and threw away the condom and collected a cloth to clean her up from her own juices. “You have no idea how I missed you.”

“I’m hoping you suffered through the fact you knew I was alive. I was living in grief but in belief I would never get to see you or touch you or…. be more than friends. Cause you know, your death left us in a very ambiguous relation.”

Jason lied on his back, sighing deeply.

“Come here” he urged her and the girl put a head on his chest, tracing patterns on his abdomen, while he run a hand up and down her arm “now you got me back. And if you want to…..”

“Sh. Don’t.” she silenced him “We don’t need to have that conversation now. Let’s just live in the moment for a while. Blissful, peaceful moment before we put a tag on it. And before we figure out how to reconcile my work with your family and you solo Red Hood killing spree. Is that all right with you?"

“Perfectly.”

“Perfectly perfect than….” She muttered slowly drifting off. In his arms. Where she always belonged.

[ceilidho]

Do you have any advice on doing a character study for a character before writing them? Stuff like how they’d act/respond 👁👄👁

haha it's quite tricky, I won't lie! it's definitely one of the things I struggle with the most (writing really well-rounded and defined characters). Here are a couple things that I do, but keep in mind that I'm reeaaalllyyyy not an expert on this. I'm still learning so much about characterization every day.

If you're writing fanfiction, watch or read the source material as much as possible, until you can almost hear the way the character sounds in your head. Take time to understand things like their accent and how they speak (do they talk a lot or very little? do they use slang or enunciate everything? do they speak quickly or slowly?). Here, you just want to concentrate on the cadence of their speech / their speech patterns. If they speak plainly or use lots of proverbs or turns of phrases, that sort of thing. If you have that down, you've honestly done half the work. Even I often reread my work and go "fuck, all of these people SOUND the same even though they're saying different things".

This is harder if you're not writing fanfiction and have to create your own universe, but regardless of whether you're writing for an existing IP or your own 'verse, I think understanding your character's cultural and religious background is so crucial to developing them. It's a big part of the lens through which they see the world, whether consciously (if they're a very religious character for example, or raised in a specific country) or subconsciously (for example, I grew up catholic so I relate to the world through that lens, even though I'm not a religious person - it just heavily informed me in my childhood years). For this Bear story, I had to do a bit of research around Baptist theology because I knew Bear would be a religious character (whether or not he's struggling with that religion) and it would heavily inform how he sees the world around him. I listened to some sermons, talked to someone with a Baptist background, and also thought about how that background with tie into his desire to have a family).

Pick like 3-5 words that you think best describe your character and just write them down somewhere. I've never been very successful when I make huge character sheets for my characters or try to write a super detailed background for them, so I try to give myself a bit of grace and be brief about it. You can always expand on it going forward. Like for someone like Bear, I might pick: family-oriented, religious (Christian), gruff, and scrupulous. You can also do this in the reverse way and try to think of what they're not (same example with Bear, I might go: conniving, hedonistic, flighty, and optimistic LMAO). This is a nice way to put like, boundaries around your character.

In the framework of your story, try to pick a trajectory for your character, or a goal. At least have one, but you could have a couple. If they're directionless, that works too! But they should want something or aspire to be something. This counts even if they think that thing they want is beyond them or unattainable - it's still a want/goal pushing them forward. This can also be an unconscious goal by the way -> like a very hedonistic character that likes to party who's slowly getting worn down from that life and doesn't even realize they want to settle down, or vice versa! Someone who feels trapped in their mundane life but thinks that's what's expected of them. The character doesn't have to know they want this goal.

Fatal flaws. This is a big one. What is something that might get in the way of them achieving their goal or might influence how they get it? Easiest way to think of this is just looking at the 7 deadly sins (soooo corny, but it's a good place to start). Characters are never perfect, so give them a reason to struggle.

And honestly lastly? Trial and error, baby. Take your vaguely defined character and figure out what you want them to achieve (whether or not they get it is beside the point), and then work out how they might go about achieving that. If they'd run full throttle towards it because they think they deserve it or whether they'd fight it every step of the way because they either don't think they want it or don't think they deserve it.

I'm sorry if this is very messy!! It also totally depends on you as a writer. When I try to make "character background sheets", it gives me anxiety and I end up not following through with my writing versus when I try to keep it brief and just dive into the writing and slowly change things and edit as I write. But maybe a sheet works best for you!

[strangelysamantha]

HIIII!!!! can you write a JJ x routledge reader where he sees the reader struggling with their curly hair so he helps them? and, if possible, them confessing that they like JJ?

thank you already, i love your fluff concepts!!!

hair tech ❀

jj maybank × curly haired!reader.

warnings: none just cute fluff.

words: 2,249

summary: your hair wasn’t looking the way you wanted, so jj offered to try and learn to fix it. with the newly learned hair techniques, came the exposure of feelings. having to avoid telling john b, he conveniently walks in during the worst time.

request: yes!!

a/n: if you’ve sent in a request, i’m working on them! they will get done! :) i hope whoever sent this actually sees it. i’m worried i waited too long to write these requests :(. i also got carried away with this so hopefully you still like it!

masterlist link

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“jj my hair is so frizzy!” he frowns, seeing how upset you looked. “i’m sorry. at least i can say with confidence it doesn’t look bad!” he tries to lift the spirits but it doesn’t work. “i guess so, but it could look better.” he sighs, “honey… anything and everything could look better in this world, doesn’t mean much.” the words are more reassuring than you’d like to admit. “thank you.” you look up at him. he smiles, “hey, i can try and help you if you’d like?” he hesitates, “i’ll understand if you say no, i know i don’t know much about hair.” you shake your head fast, “no actually, i would love that.” he bites his lip with excitement. “okay! lead the way.”

you stay sat in front of the mirror, a comb, leave in conditioner, a spray bottle with water, and other assortment of tools are sprawled on the counter top. jj intensely examines every item, he claims he’s just getting a feel of what he’s working with, but you believe he’s trying to memorize what supplies you use so he can beat you to it when it comes to buying them in the future. you blush at the thought.

“so, what i like to start with is spray my hair down with water, comb it out, and then lather my hair in leave in conditioner.” you explain your technique. he nods listening, “have you tried that yet?” he asks. you shake your head, “no, i’m worried if i get my hair wet it’ll just look greasy.” he nods. “is that the worst thing that could happen?” you think for a second, “yeah, i think so. i mean my hair could fall out any minute but, overall i think that my biggest concern is the grease.” he nods. “you look pretty, regardless of if your hair is greasy or not.” you can’t help but look away. “you’re very sweet jj.” your compliment gives him butterflies. he reaches for the spray bottle. he separates your hair, giving each section a sprits. you were worried he’d “jokingly” spray you with water, but he refrained from doing so.

after your hair was slightly damp, he starts to comb it out. you can’t help but ask, “are you enjoying this,” he smiles, “i am. it’s fun.” he waits a second before continuing, “i never thought i’d be doing this which is a plus.” you laugh, “what can you say? it’s always something new for us pogues.” silence settles between you two again, but it isn’t awkward, it’s comfortable.

“can i tell you something?” you don’t know how to break the ice really, but you’ve been dying to tell jj how you really feel. “of course, i’m all ears.” you think for a second, “do you like anyone at the moment?” he smiled and looked down at you, “whose asking?” you roll your eyes playfully, “me, i’m just curious.” he nods, “well, i’m not sure. i don’t think i’m really ready for a relationship. you know, my dad and all that?” he begins putting on the leave in conditioner. “your hair is looking nice! i think it’s my magical touch.” you smirk, “oh yea totally… it’s not the 20 dollar conditioner you’re adding or anything.” he gasps, “twenty dollars!? why?” you shrug, “i’m not really sure. a lot of people with curly hair pay a bunch of money to maintain it.” he nods, “well there goes my plan for buying you more when you run out.” you point at him, “i knew you were looking a little too close at the products!” he sighs dramatically, “you caught me!”

“see and that’s why i like you, you were fully prepared to buy it for me.” jj stopped abruptly. “is everything okay? did you put too much?” he looks down at you, “that’s why you what?” he questions. “that’s why i like you?” you repeat, he looks concentrated. “i can’t tell if you mean, more than a friend?” you stare at him like a deer in headlights. it’s the perfect set up. without thinking of the consequences, you let it out. “i do like you more than a friend. that’s kinda why i asked about your crush.” he smiled at you and lightly used his hand to squeeze your cheeks. “why didn’t you tell me sooner!?” you roll your eyes, “rejection? maybe?” he nodded understandingly. “i forgot that’s a thing.”

“of course jj maybank forgot about rejection.” he immediately backtracks, “oh no i get rejected i just don’t mind.” you nod, “i wish i was that way.” he stares at you, and it’s unreadable. “so?” you question. “so what?” you can’t believe him, “what do you say?” he’s adding the final dab of leave in conditioner, “i say your hair is perfect.” you’ve been too focused on your confession you haven’t even checked on your hair. you look up in the mirror and see that the frizz died down, and the curls were in tact. you jumped up excitedly. “thank you so much!” he goes in for a hug and you happily accept. he continues, “i think you could have done it yourself, you were just frustrated which made it difficult.”

you wait to see if he mentions your confession, and after a few minutes of you two sitting on the couch, semi cuddling in silence, he speaks up. “so, about your confession.” your heart speeds up and you listen intently. “i really like you. but your my best friends brother, and he’d kill me if we dated.” you frown, “why?” he looks around, and gets quiet, “he wouldn’t like the idea of us making out and hooking up.” you sigh, but you understand. they are really close and you didn’t want to get between what they have. he places his hand on your thigh however, and the two of you make eye contact. “that doesn’t mean he has to know.” your shocked at his comment.

“he’d find out eventually which would make it worse.” while john b sometimes isn’t the brightest in the bunch, he notices change. he would easily be able to tell if something was happening between us. “let’s see. if we pretend for a bit, we can think of ways to break the news to him? i mean, he can’t be that mad, he never said when he introduced us that we couldn’t date.” you hear john b and pope talking outside, while the distance you were sitting at wasn’t necessary abnormal, you didn’t want to risk anything. you smoothly pulled your phone out and relaxed on the opposite end of the couch.

the door opened and they walked inside, john b announced his arrival and then laughed when he noticed he screamed for no reason since you both were on the couch together. pope immediately left the room to go to the bathroom. “since when do you guys hang out alone?” john b questioned. you look at him confused. “you told me when i met your friends that you wanted me to get close to them, and now you’re confused as to why we are close?” you laugh at his logic and he shrugs, “jj is different.” jj groans, “thanks man, appreciate it.” you look at your brother, “how?” john b blinks a few times before pointing a finger at jj. “he’s a heartbreaker, and i don’t want you to fall for his charm.” oh the urge you had to just exclaim right then and there that you already had fallen for it. “don’t worry john b, he’s not even my type.” he puts his hand on his hip and questions you. “oh really?” you nod, “yes really.” he laughs, “what’s your type then? who are you crushing on?” you blush, and avoid eye contact with jj, despite the fact you feel his eyes drilling on your skull.

“john b! stop!” you try to deflect but he wasn’t having it. “if you can tell me who you actually like that’s your “type”, then i’ll let it go and i’ll believe there’s nothing going on between you too.” you act confused, but decide to just give in. “well, you promise not to tell him?” you ask. john b smirks, “yes sis, i promise i won’t tell this guy you like him.” to make it more believable you glance over at jj too, “you too jj. promise you won’t tell him.” he’s staring at you, you can tell he’s holding back. “i promise. i won’t tell this mystery guy that he has your heart.”

“okay. well i kinda have a crush on rafe…” to make it more believable you add on, “i was at the beach yesterday.” you were there, so it’s accurate. “rafe was there. he looked so hot, his shirt was off and he was playing catch with topper. the ball accidentally flew my way, and he rushed over and immediately apologized. he then asked if i’d like to join, and i was too nervous to agree, but i told him i’d rather watch.” you glance over at jj, his face stern, his fist hidden from john bs view, was balled into a fist. john b cackles, “rafe! really?” you groan acting embarrassed. “hey! i never said i was proud of it.”

“what do you think of this jj? you’ve been awfully quiet.” john b interrogates jj, not fully sure your crush on rafe was real. “i think he’s a worser heartbreaker than me. and you..” he looks at john b, “should be more worried about him then me.” john b nods, the realization that his sister has a crush on a kook settling in. “oh no! no, not rafe. no way.” you frown and immediately get frustrated. “so you don’t want me to date jj, and now rafe?? who can i date?” he thinks for a second, “i’ll come back to you. let me think.” you lean back onto the couch, “okay, sure.” you cross your arms. “on that note i’m going to take a shower.” you nod and return back to your phone. pope still absent, and john b leaving the room left you alone with jj again. you stay quiet, engulfed in your phone.

he sighs. loudly. you glance up. “yes?” he shakes his head, frustrated. “we need to talk.” he stands up and reaches for your hand. you give it to him and follow him right out the front door, past a five minute walk to make sure everyone’s out of earshot. you stay silent.

“rafe cameron… out of every guy in this shitty town, he’s the one you choose? really?” you smirk, “why, are you jealous?” he stares at you. “yeah i’m fucking jealous. the girl i find out i have a mutual crush with decides five minutes later to go in detail about another jerk off guy.” you frown and walk closer to him. “what happened about lying to john b?” he breathes deeply. “i know. i know. it just? i don’t know why hearing that shit about rafe affected me so much.” your heart is racing. you want to make a move, and the last time you randomly initiated something it went well. “i can make you feel better.” he, still frustrated and jealous, didn’t know what you meant. you put your hand on his jawline, and softly pull him into a kiss. it lasts longer than a first kiss should, but it was soft, slow, and passionate. he groans when you pull away. “fuck. promise me that shit with rafe was fake?” you nod. “it’s fake. when i went to the beach he intentionally hit me with the ball, and all the interaction was him coming to get the ball and then asked me to move because i was in the way. total dick.”

this soothes his mind. “i don’t know why i’m already so possessive over you. you’re not even mine.” you bite your lip and look away from him. “i want to be yours. so bad jj.” his heart drops at your comment and he shyly smiles. “can we kiss again?” he questions you, and you’re so glad he asked. “yes please.” he pulls you in for another kiss. this one more passionate and rougher than the last. you pull away and ask him, “how long have you had a crush on me?” he pretends to do the mental math. “i always thought you were gorgeous when we first met, but for the last 8 months i’ve been so infatuated with you and i’ve been longing to be yours.” you bite your lip. “i’ve liked you since the first day i met you. your blue eyes entranced me and i knew there was no one else i could meet that would ever effect me and give me butterflies like you do.” your words shock him and all he can do is pull you into a tight hug. his muscular arms squeeze you and you inhale his scent. your new favorite place was his arms.

“will you be mine? in secret i mean, until we can figure out how to tell john b?” he was so nervous. you wrap your arms around his neck. “i never thought you’d ask.” you and jj sit farther away from the house, talking. you found yourselves moving closer to each other without even realizing it. by the end of the session, you were in jjs lap, facing the water, his arms wrapped around your torso. you felt safe, he felt at peace.

[jihyocentric]

I remember we agreed on angel sana having a knot so hear me out this is both for angel Sana and human sana asks

Jihyo has a ginormous breeding kink

She just loves when angel sana uses her as her cum dump, she loves being constantly filled be her and being stuck on her knot for hours

human sana doesn't have a knot but jihyo still likes for her to stay inside after she cums to feel full and to plug her up good

I feel like in both cases she might get extra horny at the thought of sana getting her pregnant (even if it doesn't work (?))

i love how you just stated that she has a breeding kink like it's common knowledge. speak your truth!

the idea of angel sana being hung while human sana having a regular size popped into my mind and now i'm thinking about demon jihyo visibly struggling to take angel sana's knot in, turning all red in her attempts to accept her size, but she'd insist because 1) she's a powerful demon, of course she can take a big dick and 2) wouldn't their babies be so cute if sana managed to breed her successfully?

i was wondering whether to make human sana g!p or not but i guess she should be for jihyo's succubus purposes — the whole 'feed me with your sexual energy' thing. no better way to get that than turning into sana's cum dump! now, i know most people are big fans of really hung sana and all but human sana having a regular or just slightly big size might be much better in this case...

hear me out! since jihyo gets trapped in the world of humans as sana's demon pet, her body becomes a more human-like body, but she keeps most of her demon features — annoyingly, and it's something jihyo might complain a lot to sana about, her wings disappear in her humanly form after some time. she still has some of her powers, but they get limited. and her skin isn't all purple like it used to be, but it turns purple sometimes, perhaps to let her know she's still a succubus.

sooo, as jihyo becomes more 'human', she learns that she can't take pain like she used to. she's defenseless and weak like a human, and she's also kinda harmless (not that she realizes she is). with that, i think demon jihyo takes more from angel sana because she's 100% in her element. it will take some effort, but she can have hung sana fully inside of her, whereas succ hyo would have a hard time even taking fingers at first because her body is entirely different from what she is used to be.

just imagine succ hyo begging for cock 24/7 and being denied of it just for her to finally get it eventually and cry when only the tip is inside... and human sana wouldn't even be that big. back to the breeding, i love the idea of succ hyo wanting a baby because she learns that those are rather cute. and evil! (maybe she sees some babies menacing and starts to think they're quite nice. like pulling people's hair and stuff.)

jihyo maybe learns that some humans think sex is only meant for making babies and she decides to agree with them. she'd definitely be like 'are we making a baby today?' every time they have sex. she knows absolutely nothing about pregnancy and all but in her head it could only benefit them — she reaches that conclusion after hearing about sex during pregnancy. and succ hyo probably thinks making a baby is easy and happens instantly, so she wants that promptly. sana surely makes her take pills though (jihyo has no clue that the 'vitamins' sana gives her are anti-baby medicine).

overall, hyo would love being filled to the brim regardless of sana having a knot or not! and succ hyo becomes a fan of her new body because, although she struggles with it at the beginning, she learns that not taking things easily like before make the experience even better. sana might get really horny with the idea of breeding her little demon, but i think she wouldn't really have any intentions to have a baby! dirty talking as if she has that intention, though, always makes her rock hard and sana definitely loves giving jihyo too many loads under the excuse that that will give her the evil babies she wants

[naughtyneganjdm]

Mine - Chapter 10

Summary: It's the morning after Y/N slept with Negan and while she wakes up feeling a sense of happiness, Negan insists that they need to tell Joel what happened.

Characters: Joel Miller, Negan, the reader (OC, third person), Tommy Miller, Ellie, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45115177/chapters/116204950

Warnings: Swearing, super angst, smut, etc.

Notes: I really appreciate those of you that have interacted with this story and continue to tell me how you feel. It means a lot to me! Gif Credits: @cowboydin & @jeffreyss​

With a yawn, Y/N felt her body being wrapped up in the warmth of the arms around her. It made her smile when she realized where she was. It was a different surrounding, but being in Negan’s bedroom left an unbelievably warm, content felling inside of her heart. Last night, they had made their way up to Negan’s bedroom together so they wouldn’t fall asleep with the potential of having Morgan come downstairs to see them together. During the night, they quietly had fallen back into one another and Y/N couldn’t believe how incredibly loving and romantic that Negan actually was with her. It was unlike anything she had ever felt before with someone.

Even the way that they were laying together was so vastly different than what she was used to with Joel. They were laying at the center of the bed together with Negan’s arms wrapped around her while she laid her head on his chest. This was the kind of thing that she had wanted from Joel the whole time. A sense of belonging and feeling wanted. Depositing a kiss over the center of Negan’s chest, she heard his deep breaths still filling the air showing that he was asleep. There was something so peaceful about Negan while he slept. Everything that happened between the two of them made her wonder. Was Negan always like this with the women he cared about or did he learn to cherish the people he cared for after he lost them? Regardless, there was no question that Negan loved and cared for her by the way he acted with her.

Continuing her kisses, she couldn’t help but caress further down his abdomen swirling her fingers through the thick curls of hair that covered his long, slender torso. There was a change in his breathing alerting her to the fact that he may be starting to wake up. Trailing her fingers down further, she heard him moan when she palmed in over his manhood making his hips arch up toward her touch involuntarily.

“Do you ever sleep?” Negan teased her with a small laugh and a grumble, reaching down to wrap his fingers around her wrist to pull it away from his body. A dramatic frown pressed in over her beautiful features and it made Negan snort. Hooking his fingers with hers, he brought her hand up so he could deposit a faint kiss over the back of her hand. There was a tired smile that tugged at his lips when she cuddled in closer to him. The warmth that radiated from his body felt nice. Even though Joel had been trying to be better with being closer to her during the night, it was nothing like this. Being held by Negan made her feel better than she ever imagined it would. “I know I have a magical dick, but even he needs some down time.”

“He seems fine to me,” she gazed down, using her free hand to lift the comforters to look. “In fact, he looks quite ready for some attention.”

“While that may be true,” he chuckled, caressing his fingers over her shoulders while she laid in over him, “We actually need to talk about things first.”

“Negan,” she frowned, her eyelashes fluttering at him. “Do we really have to get serious right now? We just woke up happy and comfortable with one another.”

“What happened between us is big Y/N,” Negan groaned out when her lips centered in over his nipple again, giving it a tiny nip before her tongue circled his flesh. It made his eyes come to a tight close, his head tipping back with his jaw flexing. “It’s a brand-new day and we really need to talk about our actions here because…”

“Just…turn off that brain for a few minutes. Please,” she begged, pulling back enough and placing her finger over his lips to silence him. “This is the first time in a very long time where I woke up feeling…loved.”

“You are loved,” Negan replied with a long exhale, his fingers sweeping over the back of her neck while she gazed up at him with her big eyes. “Trust me, this is the most incredible way I’ve woken up in a very long time too. Going to bed with you in my arms last night was rough. Not because I didn’t like it because I did. I have everything I want in my arms. This morning…facing fucking reality, that’s what I wasn’t looking forward to.”

Hearing Negan refer to her as everything he wanted took her breath away and she could see the genuine sadness in Negan’s eyes, “What we did is something we need to talk about Y/N.”  

“I know people would view this as wrong,” she traced her fingers over his chest hating that they couldn’t just pretend for a while that everything would be okay, “but I don’t know. It’s confusing because I like the way this made me feel.”

“I did too,” Negan agreed with her, sighing loudly. “It’s just a complicated situation.”

Deafening silence followed. Y/N swallowed down hard, her head lowering to rest it back over the center of Negan’s chest to listen to his strong heartbeat, “You know, I have to take a shower. Get my mind clear of things. You can stay here if you want, get comfortable. After my shower, we can talk and figure things out. That sound okay? We need to talk before Morgan wakes up. We have a while before she does, but I feel like this needs to be a very serious conversation.”

“I wish things were easier,” she declared with an anxious exhale before having Negan press a kiss over her forehead. An empty feeling flooded her veins when Negan slid out from underneath her on the bed. Watching his movements as he pulled himself to the edge of the bed, she found herself focusing on the muscles that flexed in Negan’s body when he stretched himself out. Joel definitely had a bit more structure when it came to muscles, but Negan was still rather impressive too. When he stood, she enjoyed the lengths of his slender body. From his long back to his small bottom and his ridiculously long legs, there was a lot she visually and overall enjoyed about Negan. “You know, for someone who thinks he’s a donkey, you sure are mesmerizing. Your body is perfect.”  

“Mhmm,” Negan shot her a glance back over his shoulder and she could tell that he was smirking.

“I’m just saying, maybe there is a little unicorn in you after all,” she gave Negan a wink making him shake his head with a smile before heading to the bathroom. Laying at the center of Negan’s bed, she heard the sound of the shower starting and she exhaled loudly. She knew that Negan told her to stay in bed, but she couldn’t help herself. Forcing herself up, she headed toward the bathroom and could see Negan’s body hidden behind the frosted shower door. Carefully pulling the door open, she was quiet enough while she got into the shower with Negan. When the warmth of her body radiated against his back, it made him jump, but when her arms wrapped around him from behind, she felt him accepting her hold. “I just kept thinking about you in the shower and I couldn’t refrain from coming in here. I’m sorry.”

“You’re naughty,” Negan growled leaning back against her while her hands palmed in over the center of his chest, taking her time to trace over the lengths of his slender body. When her fingers wrapped around his semi-erect cock again Negan couldn’t help but moan while she took her time jerking him off underneath the showerhead. “I thought we agreed to not doing this again.”

“You were the one that suggested it, not me,” she tipped up on her toes to kiss at the side of Negan’s neck making him chuckle when he tipped his head to the side allowing her to cover the area with hot kisses. Just the sounds Negan made when she touched him alone drove her wild with desire. “Shower sex with you sounds marvelous to me. Then again, sex with you in general just sounds phenomenal. You have no idea how addictive it is being with you. Hearing the sounds you make. You’re such a verbal lover.”

“You are a sex craved little monster,” Negan growled, turning on his heel reaching out to curl his arm around her waist to pull her in flush against him. With a shake of his head, Negan was visibly amused with her when he lowered down to claim her lips in a hungry, passionate kiss that took her breath away while her fingers curled around the back of his neck. Brushing her tongue out over his, she purred when he sucked faintly at her tongue before pulling back with a wickedly charming smile. “One more time…that’s it.”

“That’s fine with me,” she hummed against his lips, her words vibrating against his flesh making him moan in response. With a gasp, she felt Negan turning her to face the wall of the shower. Bracing her hands against it, she let out an eager sound when Negan pressed in behind her. His lips kissed heatedly over the side of her neck while his large hands caressed up and over the length of her torso. Cupping her breasts in his grasp, Negan palmed over them making her purr out. “You have no idea how good you make me feel.”

“I have a bit of an idea,” Negan growled, nipping at her earlobe as he slid his palms down in over the sides of her body toward her hips. Caressing over them, Negan heard her purr out and it made him smile again. “It’s been so long since I’ve been with someone, I’m glad that I haven’t let you down or turned you off.”

Kissing down over her shoulder, Negan pulled her hips out closer to him and moved in behind her. Trailing his fingers from between her shoulder blades down over the center of her back and to her bottom, Negan gave it a firm squeeze before grabbing a hold of his rigid length. Biting down onto his bottom lip, he teased the tip of his cock through her sensitive folds hearing the shuddering breath that followed from her.

Gasping out, she felt Negan lead the tip of his erection to her entrance and thrust his hips upwards sinking his thick length into her allowing her to take time to get used to him all over again. It surprised her how good it actually felt with him inside of her. With the way that he kissed down over the side of her neck and faintly nipped at her flesh, she felt like she was on fire underneath the stream of water. Her heart was racing, her hands eager to hold onto whatever she could when Negan started to carefully thrust behind her. Wet smacking sounds filled the air from his wet skin colliding with hers with every forward thrust he made inside of her. Immediately it drew cries to fall from her lips, but Negan hushed her knowing that they were still on the same floor where his daughter was sleeping a few rooms down.

“Trust me, I want to be louder too,” Negan grumbled underneath his breath, his nose nuzzling in against the side of her neck. Within time, she started to bounce her hips back toward him enjoying the sensations it developed inside of her. Negan’s quiet and muted moans caused her eyes to slam shut and she enjoyed the way that his hands were grasping firmly to her hips helping her to move over his length in a tempo that they both seemed to enjoy. “It feels so fucking good inside of you.”

“Negan,” she whined out his name, reaching back with one hand while the other still braced her weight against the wall. Squeezing her fingers around his thigh, she dug into his flesh. She was probably enjoying this position more than she should have been. Each thrust had Negan hitting the right areas stimulating her g-spot in addictive strokes. For someone who hadn’t been with anyone in so many years, she was surprised that Negan knew what to do and how to do it. She would have pictured him to be eager for any release he could get, but Negan was focused on her. If there was something he was good at, that was reading her emotions and feelings easily. When something felt good, there he was to follow up with incredible amounts of pleasure, keeping up with it until it made her push up onto the tips of her toes. A cry fell from her lips and Negan loosely hooked his fingers around her mouth to keep her silent. Every part of her shook. A hot liquid rush pulsed through her veins making her eyes slam shut. Panting, she pressed her head against the wall of the shower and heard the amused rumble of a silenced laugh behind her. As soon as she came down from her high, Negan pulled his fingers from her mouth stepping back making her whine. The loss of him inside of her made her feel empty and ache. Having him inside of her was a feeling her body craved. With a gasp, she felt Negan hooking his arm around her to help her turn to face him. Curling his arm underneath her thigh, Negan urged her leg up around his waist before pressing his forehead to hers. “You have no idea how gifted you are, do you?”

“I have an idea,” Negan flashed an arrogant smile, his eyebrow arching in a sense of mischief when he reached between them again to lead his cock back between her thighs, to her entrance and he eased into her. It made her nails dig faintly into his chest making Negan bite down on his bottom lip. Tipping her head back, she found herself smiling when Negan’s lips hovered over hers. “It’s kind of like a bike.”

“So you’re saying you were always good at sex?” she breathed out feeling his lips skimming in over hers. Each kiss of his lips over hers drew a chill down her spine. This was him pampering her and she liked it. Every kiss grew stronger before his tongue flicked out over hers. A whimper fell from her when Negan hooked his other arm under her thigh to pick her up fully. It braced her against the wall of the shower and she hook her arms firmly around his shoulders to keep him close to her. Having Negan’s hazel eyes hooked on hers enhanced every sensation all the more. Every movement he made inside of her was so meticulous, drawing out all the sensation that came with the repetitive strokes of his cock inside of her. Rushing was not something Negan was used to doing. It was clear that he wanted to make everything a spectacle. A moment to remember. It wasn’t just sex for him. Whereas in the past, she knew that there were times when she was with Joel where he just had sex to really have sex. Not that Joel was bad at sex, but things were so much more emotional with Negan. But then again, he said all the things that she wanted to hear. Sinking her fingers into Negan’s wet hair, she moaned out against his lips and hummed. “Tell me that you love me.”

“I love you,” Negan obeyed, groaning out with her nipping at his bottom lip. His thrusts grew stronger in strength. His breaths becoming uneven. It made him all the sexier to her that he said those words with ease. And it was even better that she believed them. “So fucking much.”

“Again,” she winced feeling another fire growing at the pit of her stomach with Negan pounding away inside of her at this point attempting to get a release himself while bringing her right to the edge of one.

“I fucking love you,” Negan slurred, his eyebrows furrowing when he pulled back to stare into her eyes. His jaw was flexed and his lips parted. Right when she felt her body tensing up followed by shaking, Negan picked up the rolling of his hips against hers desperate for that release. Dropping his head forward, he pressed his forehead to hers and winced when she felt the warmth of his release starting to fill her. It felt good having him ride out his orgasm to the very end before allowing her back to her feet.

Instead of pushing things, Negan held her in his arms underneath the spray of water. It was starting to get cold and she understood why. As Negan nuzzled his nose in against hers, she felt herself sad because she knew that only negativity would follow this moment. Giving Negan one final kiss, they continued their shower together helping to soap up the other and help them clean themselves up. Negan was the first one out of the shower allowing her to finish up.

Once she turned the shower off and moved out of it, she felt Negan wrapping her up in a towel and holding her tightly in his arms before pressing a kiss against her cheek. There was silence for a moment before Negan exhaled loudly, “You have to tell Joel.”

“What?” she turned in his arms, her worried eyes staring up at Negan.

“You have to tell Joel. I care about him too much to lie to him. He needs to know what we did Y/N,” Negan urged her, shaking his head as he spoke. His Adam’s apple bounced in his throat, his lips parting when he thought about the events of the last day or so. “I spend a lot of time with Joel and I can’t lie to him. I know that’s a scary thought, but what we did…it’s not something that we can keep a secret from those that we care about. I’m not asking you to leave Joel, I just…he needs to fucking know what we’ve done.”

“If I tell Joel, it’s very likely that he will kill you,” Y/N thought about her boyfriend. “Joel is an amazing man and he’s incredibly understanding, but he has a switch that when it’s flicked, he turns into this person…”

“Then so be it,” Negan moved over toward the sink to lean up against it. Folding his arms in front of his naked chest, Negan took his time to think things out. “I’m not stupid Y/N. I know you aren’t about to dump Joel for me. This was just one of those things where you were feeling incredibly bad about things and you have emotions for me.”

“I love you,” she corrected Negan making his words come to a halt. There was sadness in his eyes when he looked down and shrugged his shoulders.

“And I love you,” Negan confessed with a half-smile, but there was sadness in his eyes that really drew attention to how beautiful the hazel coloring was. “But I know you love Joel too. And when you see him, you’re going to feel bad for what we did. That’s why you need to tell him what happened. I can’t lie to him. Neither should you. And it’s better with him hearing it from you. I don’t expect you to break up with him for me. You love Joel and Ellie too much…”

“I don’t know what I want,” she whispered making Negan nod his head before reaching up to brush his fingers through his wet hair.

“Right. You don’t know what you want. You want Joel and you want me,” Negan agreed with her, swallowing down hard enough for her to hear. “I just don’t think Joel is going to be comfortable with the idea of that.”

“I’m scared to tell him,” she admitted to Negan feeling her throat tensing up, but Negan reached out to hook his fingers with hers and pulled her in closer to him. “I don’t want you feeling bad that I still have feelings for Joel.”

“I knew that you did,” Negan hushed her, lifting his hand to palm in over the side of her face before depositing a kiss at the top of her head. “It’s just if you love me and you love him, the only option here is to tell him what happened. After you tell him this happened, then we can all figure out what we’re going to do.”

“I don’t want you hurt,” she brushed her fingers through Negan’s short beard making him sigh loudly. “Joel doesn’t look intimidating, but he’s strong.”

“Maybe I deserve to get hurt,” Negan swallowed down loudly, his puppy dog eyes gazing out at her making her feel bad. “I just love you so much that I couldn’t take seeing you like you were. With you begging me…”

“This is my fault Negan,” she pressed her hand in over the center of Negan’s chest making him shake his head.

“I could have said no,” Negan declared with a wrinkle of his nose.

“You tried to,” she reminded him and Negan shrugged. “I know cheating is wrong…”

“Exactly, which is why you have to tell him,” Negan repeated making her heart skip a beat. “I’m not going to lose you and you aren’t going to lose me. I’ll be here for you regardless. I promise you that. But you have to tell Joel.”

“Fuck,” she breathed out knowing that he was right. Giving Negan one final kiss, she didn’t rush in getting dressed again. By the time that they made it to the front door, Morgan hadn’t woken up yet and she could feel the room spinning. “I really do love you Negan.”

“I know,” Negan stroked his fingers in over the side of her face, curling his index finger in underneath her jaw. Tipping her head up enough, she met his lips in a lingering kiss that took her breath away all over again before finally stepping back and out of the house. “I promise you I will be here for whatever you need.”

“I guess I need to get home before Joel does,” she acknowledged finding it hard to let go of Negan’s hands, but she eventually forced herself to. It felt so good waking up that way and even the way Negan looked at her as she left was unlike anything she had ever felt before. By the time that she made it back to the house, Y/N saw that Negan had moved back into his home.

“Hey!” a voice called out to her making her turn on her heel after she was about to head into Joel’s home. Seeing that it was Tommy across the street made her heart skip a beat. Hopefully he hadn’t seen her interaction with Negan. That would be a hard thing to explain to Joel’s younger brother. “How did it go?”

“Tommy?” she finally muttered his name. Then it occurred to her. Tommy was supposed to be on his trip with Joel. They weren’t expected to be back until later today. At least that’s what Joel told her yesterday. “What are you doing here?”

“I live here,” Tommy joked with her, reaching out to nudge Y/N playfully. Joking did nothing for her because all she could think about was him and Joel going out for a run together. “So what was the outcome of last night?”

“What do you mean last night?” she arched an eyebrow feeling her throat go dry.

“The question. The question that Joel was going to ask you,” Tommy waved his hand about in the air making her let out a panicked breath.

“You weren’t here last night. Joel left in the morning and said he wasn’t coming back until today,” she recalled seeing the expression over Tommy’s face change. Now that Tommy was standing before her, she was starting to feel like she was living a bad dream.

“That was the cover story so he could gather what he wanted to pop the big question,” Tommy blurt out, his features turning very pale when he saw the rush of panic flood throughout her. The big question. That sounded a whole lot like Joel wanted to ask her to marry him. And with the way that Tommy looked mortified she knew that’s exactly what he meant. “Which you didn’t know about. Fuck, I am so sorry. I thought…I just…”

“I have to go,” Y/N rushed away from Tommy hearing him apologizing from behind her as she made her way up to Joel’s home. Pushing open the door, she felt her chest ache immediately upon seeing the flower petals that were still on the floor. Following the trail of them, she felt her body go numb seeing Joel and Ellie sitting up on the couch in a way in which they both fell asleep. Ellie’s head was on Joel’s shoulder and Joel’s head was resting on top of hers while they were both sleeping. It was clear that Joel had been waiting for her when she felt the world spinning around her. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see that there were decorations in relation to her birthday in the kitchen making her feel like her world was crumbling down around her. There was the finished guitar that Joel had been working on for her standing by itself at the corner of the room and anxiety flooded through her.

So everything that happened last night was a poor attempt at surprising Y/N. A lie, an act. Something that Joel came up with in order to get her out of the house. Joel hadn’t forgotten everything, he was just trying to create a moment. With what Tommy was saying, it was a moment where he was going to ask her to marry him. Which would explain the way he was acting weird because he was nervous. The excuse of him leaving was to plan all of this and she actually believed him which led her to Negan’s arms. Stumbling back, she felt her back hit the wall and she managed to knock over something in the process which made both Ellie and Joel jump from being woken up.

“Joel,” Ellie stammered, hitting Joel at the center of the chest while his eyelids were still heavy with fatigue. God knows how long they sat there waiting for her. “Joel, wake up! She’s here.”

“What?” Joel grumbled when Ellie smacked at his chest one more time making Joel turn his head to see that Y/N was standing there. It made him let out a nervous sound when he swiftly stood to his feet and brushed his fingers through his messy hair. “Hey. I know you probably have some questions. Some very valid and understandable questions…”

Feeling her face getting hot, Y/N had a hard time even looking at Joel right now with his chocolate brown eyes staring out at her with a sense of sadness, “I was nervous yesterday and I was trying to surprise you. I didn’t think that I would actually hurt you by doing what I did. I should have thought it out. I thought you would come in and…”

Joel pointed over toward the guitar that he had sitting on the couch. Heading over to it, he grabbed a hold of it and waved her forward, “I know it’s Sunday, but we can pretend that today is what yesterday was supposed to be. Tommy will understand. He can do things without me…”

“Ellie, could you give us some space?” Y/N asked of Ellie seeing her big eyes glancing between both her and Joel. With a nod, Ellie headed for the door and the sound of the back door opening and closing was heard when Joel moved forward.

“Come here,” Joel reached out with his free hand to grab a hold of hers to pull her toward the couch to sit down. Joel took a seat beside her and he cleared his throat uneasily. “I know that you’re probably feeling certain things right now and I don’t blame you, but I have this song I want to sing for you. Your guitar is over there and if you want after everything, I can try to teach you some things. I have a few gifts for you…”

“We need to talk,” Y/N watched Joel put the guitar into his lap to get it into position and she felt her chest aching seeing him so eager to keep things like they should have been the night before. Many times in the past she asked Joel to sing for her. It just never happened. Sure, she got him strumming at the guitar and humming to himself, but the fact he was willing to sing for her right now only made her feel worse about things. If that was even possible right now. “Joel…”

“Just…please let me play this song for you. I reckon you’ll really like it. It was supposed to be your birthday gift,” Joel informed her with a bob of his head, a weak smirk tugging at his lips. “I’ve been practicing.”

“I’m sure I will love it, but…” Y/N found herself pausing when Joel started strumming some chords on his guitar making a breath catch in her throat when the melody became familiar to her. Sliding back against the couch, she felt a chill fill her entire body. It immediately made her eyes burn over when Joel’s brown eyes lifted to hers.

“When the rain is blowing in your face,” Joel seemed to shakily sing through the words making her bite down on her bottom lip. This was the first time Joel had ever actually sang to her at all. It was clear that he was uncomfortable singing but was doing his best to pull himself together for her. Which made this whole thing hurt more. “And the whole world is on your case. I could offer you a warm embrace, to make you feel my love.”

A shuddering breath fell from her throat hearing the very word that she wanted to hear from Joel for so long. It had to happen like this. It was the world’s cruelest, worst prank after doing what she had with Negan. It broke her heart hearing him continuing to play along to the song. There was a burning at her eyes and she knew she was crying. Both from hearing him sing for the first time, but also the situation. She should have stopped him and she knew that, but she couldn’t find it in herself to do it.

“When the evening shadows and the stars appear, and there is no one to dry your tears I could hold you for a million years…” Joel’s voice became more confident, his expression worried about her when she lifted her head to finally stare out at him. “To make you feel my love.”

Her lips parted and she wanted to say something, but she felt weak and dizzy thinking about the last twenty-four hours knowing that she let her emotions control her actions and it was a horrible thing for her to do considering this was such a big deal.

“I know you haven’t made your mind up yet,” Joel’s face twisted with confusion when she cried harder and lowered her head into her hands as he continued to sing. “But I’ll never do you wrong. I’ve known if from the moment that we met, no doubt where you belong. I’d go hungry, I’d go black and blue. I’d go crawling down the avenue. No, there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do…”

“Stop,” she tremored trying to push away at her tears knowing that she couldn’t take any more of the song. It was tearing away at her and she was going to break down if he kept going any further. “Ellie, please go to your apartment.”

“She…she did,” Joel responded lowering the guitar onto the couch beside him.

“Ellie!” Y/N called out making a groan fill the air when Ellie stood up from where she was hidden behind the wall clearly trying to listen in on the two of them.

“I’m leaving because I respect you. Not because I was caught,” Ellie asserted for real this time moving out of the house with a louder close of the door. Joel clearly thought that she was gone as Y/N trembled and tried to gather herself.

“Hey,” Joel whispered, moving across the room to grab a soft hold of her hands, stroking his thumbs over the back of them. “I know there are better ways to say this. I should have planned this whole thing out better and I can only imagine how bad you felt over the last day, but I promise you I had nothing but the best intentions. I thought coming back here to see that I was still here would make you more surprised. It was really poor timing and I need to learn to plan surprises better, but…Y/N…”

Feeling the lump in her throat growing larger, Y/N felt Joel cup her face in his rough palms and he moved in closer to her, “I love you.”

With a hurt sound, the warmth of Joel’s breath lingered over hers when he attempted to kiss her and she turned her head in time for him to kiss her cheek instead which made an anxious exhale fall from Joel’s throat, “Y/N? What’s wrong?”

“You don’t mean that,” she slurred making Joel’s eyebrows furrow, a sharp breath falling from his throat. “You’re saying it because I want it so bad. I’m forcing you to be someone that you’re not. I’ve been so insistent upon hearing it that you’re just telling me it to keep me happy.”

“I’m not,” Joel shook his head, his messy hair falling in front of his eyes. Bringing her hand up, he deposited a kiss in over her left hand and drew circles in over her flesh. “In fact…”

Joel reached into his pocket seeing the way her eyes hooked on the small box. With the help of Tommy, she knew exactly what was happening and she shook her head. Reaching out, she pushed the box down knowing that if she saw the ring she was done for.

“Please, don’t…” she begged and the look over Joel’s face was incredibly confused along with broken. Hurt flooded his features when she denied him the chance to even have her see the ring. “Joel don’t do this. You just now told me you loved me for the first time.”

“I know I’ve loved you for a while, I just wanted to wait until a special moment to tell you,” Joel explained, looking down toward the box that was in his hand that he had been keeping on him for a while now. “I’ve loved you for a long time and I think this is long overdue.”

“You don’t understand,” she kept her hand in over his keeping him from trying to ask her to marry him.

“Listen, just let me show you…” Joel placed his other hand in over hers, a smile tugging at his handsome features. “I swear it’s going to be okay. You just have to…”

“I slept with Negan,” she blurted out, making Joel release her hand and his arms dropped at his side. His eyebrows clenched, his jaw flexing when she cried harder. “I’m sorry. You were acting like the old you again. I thought you were regressing. Then you forgot the whole birthday thing all over and I was just hurting so bad…”

“No, you wouldn’t do that because we agreed that if we were going to involve him in our relationship that we were going to talk to each other first,” Joel’s voice grew angry, his brown eyes locked on her and she felt like the worst person in the world right now. Whimpering out, Y/N lowered her head and knew that this time she was the one that fucked up incredibly bad. “Why?”

“You know why. When you feel horrible, Negan is so damn addictive that he makes you feel better. I was broken yesterday, Joel. No one here cares about me. I was depressed. I was thinking about the way that you acted when I visited the powerplant. You were with the group of those people and Negan. Negan made you laugh harder than I’ve ever seen. You never smile with me in public like that. I was so damn jealous seeing the two of you like that. Then when you see me there, you start acting cold. You go to bed without finding me. And you forgot about things…” she began knowing that she wasn’t likely making much sense, but she couldn’t describe the way that she was feeling. “It was my fault. Negan told me he would give me a birthday and I went to his house…it just happened. I made him do it.”

“It takes two people to fuck Y/N,” Joel snarled, dropping the box at his side. Standing up from the ground from where he was knelt, Joel was pacing and deep within himself. Pausing, he brushed his fingers through his hair shakily before shooting her a glance. In that moment, she saw the darkest parts of Joel and his breathing was loud. “Stay here…”

“Joel,” she called out watching Joel storm through the living room. Swiftly following him, she heard the front door open and felt her adrenaline spiking. Chasing after him, she could see that Joel was making his way to Negan’s house and in the distance, she could see that Negan was out in the front playing soccer with Morgan. “Joel, please. Don’t!”

“Don’t touch me,” Joel snapped, pulling his wrist away from her when she tried to pull him back.

“You need to hold on,” she begged of Joel trying to wrap her arms around him to get him to move back toward her. Whatever was going through Joel’s mind was not worth the risk of whatever would follow. It was a nice day which meant that a lot of people were out and about around town with the morning. “Joel! Not now. It’s not the time. Please, just would you listen to me?”

Yanking his arm away from her, Joel headed over toward Negan with his rage filling his body. When Morgan saw Joel, she stopped and with a big smile waved at Joel. With what he knew, Joel was seeing red. Morgan made no impact on him when the information Y/N provided him with was fresh in his mind. The wave made Negan look back and when he saw Joel storming out at him, Negan raised his hands up in the air to try to keep Joel from getting any closer, “Fuck. Just hold on one second, okay? Just let me get Morgan inside and…”

Not taking it into consideration, Joel immediately brought his fist into the side of Negan’s face. The hit echoed throughout the air making Negan stumble backwards, but not fall. Joel was furious, his breathing loud and his fist felt like it was on fire after how hard he hit Negan. Curling his fingers into a fist at his side again, Joel waited until he saw Negan lift his head up. Negan’s bottom lip was split with drips of blood sliding down his skin.

“I’m sorry,” Negan held his hand up in the air, his hazel eyes gazing between both Y/N and Joel. Morgan was the number one thing on his mind and Negan completely understood Joel having the need to want to hit him, but it wasn’t something Morgan should be seeing. “I’m so sorry, I know I deserve this I just need to get Morgan inside. Please just give me a second.”

Negan’s pleading wasn’t enough to pull Joel out of his moment of fury when Joel lunged himself at Negan again. Joel knew Morgan was there, but Morgan was the last thing on his mind as Y/N did her best to wrap her arms around Joel’s chest in attempts to keep him from attacking Negan, “Enough! Joel! Stop!”

Gasping out, she felt Joel using his strength to overpower her and escape her grasp. Negan tried to dodge the attack, but Joel tackled Negan to the ground making him hit the ground hard. Without even thinking about the ramifications of his actions, Joel brought his fist into the center of Negan’s face at full force hearing both Morgan and Y/N trying to get him to stop.

Over and over again Joel hit Negan hearing him grunting with each hit. It almost infuriated Joel that Negan wasn’t fighting back or trying to defend himself from Joel’s attack. It seemed like he accepted his fate and knew that Joel needed to do this. At this point, his own fist was numb and just as he was about to throw his next hit, he felt the strength of someone else grabbing onto him. Not caring who it was, Joel knew that it wasn’t Y/N. It was definitely someone stronger, but he managed to pull himself away to continue his attack on Negan.  Y/N was trying to throw herself between the two of them, but he shoved her away too.

“Go away,” Joel pushed Y/N back making her trip over her feet and hit the ground. Joel reached for Negan’s shirt pulling him up from the ground and he could see that he had already made a mess of Negan’s face.

“Please, stop. Morgan,” Negan tipped his head back attempting to look back at his daughter only to have Joel hit him again making blood spill out from Negan’s mouth.  

“Get off him,” Joel felt a small amount of weight jumping on his back and small hits were felt against his shoulders. “Leave my daddy alone.”

It was in that moment realization hit Joel what he was doing. Dropping onto his bottom, Joel felt the weight immediately move from his back and he saw Morgan scrambling to Negan who was barely moving. The world was spinning around Joel when he saw both Tommy and Y/N join Morgan at Negan’s side to check on him.

If anything it was the sound of Morgan crying that broke Joel when he stumbled to his feet. There was a sense of remorse and the feeling of being mortified with what he had done in his crazed moment without thinking. Anger got the best of him and he stumbled back not sure what to do while they tended to Negan.

Y/N had Negan’s head in her lap while they tried to make sure that he was okay. Lifting his hands, Joel noticed how bloody they were and in that moment, everything hit him hard. Negan was someone he cared about. A lot. And Joel blamed this whole thing on himself. Attacking Negan was completely wrong and the worst decision that he could have made. It wasn’t even something that he wanted, but he just let his rage take over him.

“Morgan,” Joel muttered Negan’s daughter’s name attempting to reach for her, but she pulled away from him like his touch was fire and she clung tightly to her father. “Sweetheart.”

“Don’t touch me,” Morgan stared up at Joel with tears in her eyes and in that moment, he saw the fear that she had staring out at him. It made Joel step back and he felt his heart racing inside of his chest.

“What the hell were you thinking?” Tommy snapped at his brother and Joel looked around to see that people in town that were around had all stopped to see the interaction between the two of them. Some concerned bystanders were moving toward the house while they tried to make sure Negan was responsive. “We need to get him to the medical pavilion.”

“No,” Negan grumbled, lifting his head enough before dropping it back into Y/N’s lap. Time felt like it stood still while Negan’s chest fell and rose heavily. “I’m fine. I’m okay.”

“I’m sorry,” Joel apologized before running off back down the street toward his home. People moved aside when Joel moved by them and any positive image that he had gained in making the community less afraid of him was gone now. They witnessed Joel beat the hell out of Negan to the point that he was a bloody mess and that was only going to make them more nervous.

“I’m okay baby,” Negan assured his daughter hearing her crying while Tommy worked to get Negan up from the ground. Both Tommy and Y/N worked together to get Negan’s arms hooked around their shoulders so they could help get him back into the house. Tommy led Negan to the couch while Y/N ran into the kitchen to grab what she could to help clean Negan up. A chill ran down her spine when Y/N moved back into the living room to see that Morgan was cuddled in close to a bloodied Negan. Moving to the other side, Y/N helped to clean off Negan’s face while Tommy hustled and tried to gather some ice for the potential swelling.

“I thought Joel was a good guy,” Morgan hooked her fingers tightly around Negan’s, not wanting to leave Negan’s side.

“Joel is a good guy,” Negan breathed out making Morgan’s face twist in confusion. “Daddy did something to hurt Joel.”

“You told me hitting people is never the answer,” Morgan reminded Negan who let out a wince when Y/N touched a certain part of his face making his eyes lift to Y/N who looked mortified knowing what happened.

“That’s because it’s not. There is never an excuse to hit someone like that,” Y/N spoke up knowing that Negan was going to be bruised.

“Baby girl, why don’t you do me a favor and go help Mr. Tommy with that ice?” Negan asked of Morgan who looked nervous at the idea of leaving his side. “I’m not going anywhere baby. I promise. It looks worse than it actually is. When you get cut on your head, you just bleed more. I’m really okay.”

With a nod, Morgan squeezed her father’s hand and headed into the kitchen to help Tommy while Y/N finished wiping up his face, “I think you might be a bit fucked up. You have a cut on your left cheekbone, over your right eyebrow and a split lip. It’s safe to say you’re probably going to have a black eye with a swollen and bruised cheekbone. Why did you let him do that?”

“Because I deserved that,” Negan breathed out in a slow rumble of words making Y/N’s face twist. “Joel has PTSD from his past and the things that happened. You and Ellie ground him, you keep him sane. And I was his friend. I was one of the only people he trusted and I ruined that.”

“But it was going too far,” Y/N insisted with a frown, stroking her thumb in over the side of Negan’s face wondering if he would genuinely be alright since Joel was hitting him as hard as he was. “He should have never done that in front of Morgan.”

“I’ve done worse in front of someone’s child,” Negan informed her with a broken breath, his eyebrows arching when he reached up to place his hand in over hers. “What I’m worried about is him right now. You should be with him. Not me.”

“But you’re hurt,” she felt an incredible ache inside of her knowing that this wasn’t Negan nor Joel’s fault, but solely hers for letting her emotions lead her actions. If she would have just gone home and not been over the top dramatic, she could have had exactly what she wanted right now with Joel. Instead she complicated everything between her with both Negan and Joel. “I should make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m okay,” Negan assured her, pulling her hands down to stroke over the tops of them. “He looks at Morgan like she’s his daughter. I know that her response to him is going to have him fucked up Y/N. Joel sees Sarah in Morgan. I’m worried about him.”

“He just beat the hell out of you…and you’re worried about him?” she stammered watching Negan nod his head slowly. “I don’t get it.”

“We’ve talked a lot,” Negan reminded her, leaning forward to brush his fingers through her hair. “And because I love you, I didn’t think about Joel. Joel has anger issues and he’s a fountain of untapped rage. Within reason I think…”

“I’ve never seen someone be punched by my brother and not fall on the first hit, so as far as I’m concerned, you’re like a hero to me,” Tommy returned with ice for Negan, sitting in beside him so he could help Negan ice the places that he needed. Morgan wasn’t far behind Tommy when she handed Negan over another bag of ice. “You can go to Joel. I’ll stay with Negan. Make sure everything is okay.”

“Are you sure?” she confirmed with Negan that he was okay with it and Negan gave her a single nod. Before she even considered going after Joel, she slid over and leaned forward to brush Morgan’s hair back behind her ear. “I’m so sorry sweetheart. I promise you your daddy is going to be okay.”

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Negan assured her, wrapping his arm around Morgan’s shoulders to pull her in closer to him so she could rest her head against the center of his chest. “It’s okay Y/N. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’ll be fine. Tommy is here. Just go check on him. He needs you right now. I’m fine.”

Giving Morgan’s hand a tiny squeeze, Y/N got up from the ground from where she was knelt before them and headed back toward her home. The walk back made her panic because she didn’t know what was going to happen or what to even say to Joel. What could she say to Joel to make things right? Because nothing would make things right for what she did.

Moving into the house, she heard silence and that worried her. A trembling breath fell from her lips when she entered the living room and saw that Joel was sitting on the couch with his head buried in his hands. The small box was still on the ground where Joel had dropped it, but what made her worry was seeing that Joel’s hands were still bloody from beating Negan. Taking careful steps toward Joel, she shakily reached out and wrapped her hands around Joel’s in attempt to get him to lower them. It made Joel jump when he lifted his head to stare up at her with his dark eyes.

“Come here,” she tugged faintly at his hands getting him to stand up and she led him toward the kitchen. Stepping in front of the sink, she could tell that Joel was deeply locked inside of his head while she helped him clean the blood from his hands. Joel didn’t speak or move, just stood there while she tended to him. When she was done, she brought him back to the couch to sit down and unhurriedly sat down beside him. “Are you okay?”

Hearing that come from her mouth surprised Joel and he looked to her with confusion. Dropping her hands down, she hooked her fingers with Joel’s and felt that he was shaking against her touch, “I’m sorry. This is all my fault.”

“No, no…” Joel denied shaking his head repeatedly, his jaw clenching when he spoke. “This is my fault. I pushed you away from me. You told me how you felt about things and it’s my fault for not being more verbal with you. I should have made you know the whole time I was with you that I loved and cared for you, but instead I made you question it. It led you to Negan’s arms and that’s on me…not you.”

“You can’t blame yourself for me cheating with another man,” she swallowed down hard hating to admit that she did that to Joel, but it was true. “It’s my fault. I did it. Negan asked me to stop multiple times and I didn’t. I knew that he loved me and I took advantage of it because I was hurting. My self-esteem has been incredibly poor since I got hurt in the accident at the powerplant. I realized that no one here cared about me. People were going to Negan, leaving him gifts and worried about him. But no one came to see if I was okay. Not one person cared beyond your family and Negan.”

Joel’s brown eyes were locked with hers when she felt her emotions getting the better of her, “and then with the birthday and what you did yesterday, I just felt like no one really cared for me. Like I was just here and no one would be bothered if I was gone or not. Negan showed me so much love and kindness…I don’t know I was just craving to feel special Joel and that’s entirely my fault. I’m a horrible person. What I did was wrong. I put both you and Negan in a horrible situation.”

“Do you love him?” Joel inquired, his face twisting with contemplation when he looked to her for an honest answer.  

“I do,” she responded feeling a huge sense of guilt when Joel lowered his head and looked down toward the ground. “He makes me feel better than anyone ever has.”

“Do you want to be with him?” Joel followed up with making her go to say something. Her lips parted, but nothing came out when Joel’s fingers curled further around hers. “Just go ahead. I won’t hold your answer against you.”

“Honestly?” she cleared her throat, a few stray tears sliding down the side of her face. “I don’t think I should be with anyone. I think I should be on my own. I hurt the two people I love the most in this world and I may have ruined their friendship. Which for you, you weren’t used to having friendships and I ruined that for you.”

“If you want to be with Negan, it’s fine. I just want you happy,” Joel’s voice was broken, his eyes tearing over and for the first time Y/N really felt a sense of how much Joel really cared about her. “I’m sorry that I attacked him. I don’t know what got into me. I reacted first and thought later. I should have never done that. I like Negan. I understand why you would want to be near Negan. I was just hurt with the timing.”

“I questioned if things were going on with you and Negan,” she informed Joel with a hurt sound, shrugging her shoulders. “I know you like him. More than you say. You wouldn’t be okay with him touching you like he does if you didn’t like him. And you laugh unlike I’ve ever seen you laugh.”

“I could say the same about you,” Joel reasoned with her, his mouth feeling incredibly dry while he tried to gather his thoughts. “I went to Negan for help because I wanted to be better for you. I wanted to be the best version of myself for you. I asked him for help because I knew that he could make you smile and laugh. I wanted that. I wanted to be the person that made you respond like that. I just never realized that would never be me because I’m not Negan. I tried.”

“You were doing a really good job. I just let my emotions get the best of me and I acted immature. I’m sorry,” she continued to place the blame on her knowing that Joel was definitely blaming himself at this moment. “Joel, I love you. So much. I do.”

“And I love you,” Joel admitted making her let out a shuddering breath hearing those words. Upon hearing it, she lowered her head into her free hand and he could tell that she was shaking. “I do love you.”

“You don’t mean it Joel. This whole love thing and the asking me to marry you…” she lifted her head to look out at the box that was still on the ground from where Joel had dropped it. Finally looking to Joel again, she felt guilty seeing the pain that he had from the moment. At this point she was fully crying and she let out a shuddering breath. “You’re doing it because you know it’s what I want. You are going out of your way to say and do things that you would never do because you knew I was sad. What kind of person am I to force you to say something you don’t mean or want?”

“I do mean it. I love you very much,” Joel insisted with a whimpering sound making her heart break with his fingers holding onto hers tightly. “And I wanted to get married to you. I want you to be my wife Y/N. I want you to be happy.”

“I know that’s not true though. You were comfortable with what we were before I started telling you that I wasn’t happy. If I forced you to marry me, that’s not love. If you were forced to marry me, you would never be happy. Not deep down. This wasn’t you doing this for you, this was you doing this for me,” she pointed out making an anxious sound fall from Joel’s throat and she shook her head slowly. “I’m a terrible person that I forced you to do this. I just got so deep into my head that I didn’t make the right decision. This was all my fault.”

“You can’t blame yourself for what I did,” Joel reasoned with her hearing her let out a half laugh.

“I knew that me being with Negan would upset you. I knew that if you found out you would beat the ever-living shit out of Negan. But for some reason, I never thought you would find out,” she informed Joel feeling her throat tightening up. “I don’t know what I was thinking. That I would just sleep with Negan and then everything would be fine between the two of us? It was Negan that convinced me to tell you what happened. He cared too much about you to lie to you…”

“Morgan…” Joel’s bottom lip trembled, his brow line creasing when he lifted his head to show that he was visibly upset too. “She was really upset?”

“Yeah…” Y/N breathed realizing that Negan was right. The real thing that likely pulled him out of what he was doing was Negan’s daughter.

“Fuck,” Joel cussed out, reaching out to shakily brush his fingers from his free hand through his messy hair.

“Negan is telling her that it was his own fault though. Negan is worried about you,” she claimed hearing Joel’s breathing change. Joel didn’t seem to know what to do with that information when she shook her head slowly. “We sure do have some strange emotions when it comes to him, don’t we?”

“I just thought we both agreed that if we were going to involve him, we would talk about it,” Joel thought back on their discussion that they had about Negan in the past. “I don’t…I don’t mind having him be part of our relationship if he makes you happy. That doesn’t bother me at all.”

“I thought you were joking,” she replied with a frown making Joel shift on the couch uncomfortably. “Again, that’s just you bending at the knee in attempts to make me happy. Including Negan in our relationship would just be you doing this because you know that I care about the both of you.”

“No, that’s not the only reason,” Joel cleared his throat, his jaw flexing when he looked her over. “We both know that Negan makes us feel good. Both of us. You don’t think I’ve considered it?”

“But you never acted on it,” she reminded him with a whimpering breath hating that it all came to this. “I’m sorry I confused you so much and fucked with your feelings as much as I did Joel. You deserve so much better than me. Both you and Negan do.”

“So you’re breaking up with me?” Joel was puzzled not sure where she was headed with what she was saying. It made her shrug and Joel let out a shuddering sound. “Y/N, you don’t have a home to go to. You gave yours up. This is your home. Unless you plan on moving in with Negan.”

“No,” she immediately shook her head knowing that would cause so much more drama. “I don’t know what I am doing Joel. I cheated on you with Negan. I did something awful. Something unforgiveable. You were here doing the one thing that I wanted and I was over there doing something terrible. You were giving me what I wanted and I was getting comfort from someone else because I thought you forgot about something again. Which if you did, I shouldn’t have cared because you are so focused on everything. You were always used to being on alert for the last twenty years. I am expecting too much from you Joel. I did something unforgivable and you shouldn’t even want to be with me.”

“Are you saying that you can’t be with me because you slept with Negan?” Joel tipped his head to the side making her eyebrows arch up in a moment of nervousness. “That’s the only reason?”

“It’s a big fucking reason Joel,” she muttered with a saddened exhale. “Why would you want to be with someone after they did that?”

“Because I love you and I don’t want to lose you,” Joel reiterated with a grumble knowing that she wouldn’t believe it when he told her that he loved her, but damn it, he fucking meant it. “I’m not ready to give up this. Us.”

“But it’s just you settling again,” she restated making Joel let out a frustrated breath. “You shouldn’t accept me doing this Joel.”

“It was an accident,” Joel suggested, his nose wrinkling when he tried to reach Y/N somehow but she seemed angrier with herself than he actually was with her. “I don’t blame you for this, I blame myself. I should have showed you this whole time how special you were to me. That’s on me.”

“Joel, I refuse to let you take blame for this whole thing,” she pulled her hand from his and stood up before him, folding her arms in front of her chest. “You shouldn’t just forgive me. I think you need to take a few days on it. I’ll sleep on the couch and then we can figure something out.”

“I’m not going to let you sleep on the couch,” Joel retorted with a grumble, his jaw clenching at the suggestion of it. “I can sleep on the couch, you can have the bedroom. Don’t worry about it.”

“Joel, no…” she went to bicker with him more, but he stood up and moved before her. “I can’t ruin our friendship and then have you sleep on the couch too. Just please, let me have this. I know you’re a gentleman, but I want the couch. It’s for me.”

With a huff, Joel knew that he didn’t want to keep bickering with her. Turning on his heel, he went to the box that had the ring inside and shakily picked it up. Sitting down on the edge of the couch, he pushed it into his jacket pocket and then looked to his hands. His right hand was shaking with how hard he had been hitting Negan. Stroking his fingers over the center of his hand, Joel felt odd just sitting there, “So, now what?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted sitting down on the couch making Joel swallow down hard. “I wish I had the answers and I could fix all of this. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt both you and Negan. And that’s exactly what I did.”

“Again, I could say the same thing,” Joel pled with her, holding his hands out to try to reason with her once more. “Y/N, I hurt you and that led you to Negan. And then I hurt Negan. Worst of all, I probably have his sweet, innocent daughter terrified of me now. I shouldn’t have attacked Negan, but I did. If you can forgive me for hurting you and Negan, I swear I can forgive you.”

“Joel, what I did was wrong,” she breathed out again making Joel roll his eyes and get up from the couch before heading to the stairs. Stomping up them, he headed for their room and heard her sigh from downstairs. “I’m sorry Joel.”

Slamming the door behind him, Joel headed over toward their bed and dropped down at the center of it stretching out his body. There were so many things filling his head right now. His regrets, sadness, anger, rage, remorse…fear. There was no doubting that he had problems, but one thing he knew without question was that he needed to have Y/N in his life and he needed to figure out how to make this whole thing right.

----

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[silvfyre-writings]

Misery and Misfortune Pt. 1 (BSD Fanfic)

Hello, hello, I bring you all some pain, and this time, I have a friend bringing the pain with me! This is a collaboration work between @hyaha-ha-ha and I, so I hope you all enjoy! CW: MCD, Gore, Body Horror

No one knows when it started.

No one knows how it came to be.

But everyone knows just how deadly it is.

I fear for those I care about.

I fear for everyone.

—Yosano Akiko

When the news of a mysterious infection making its way through Yokohama began, Yosano wasn’t even in the city to witness it. She’d been at the other end of the country, at a conference for doctors to get together and talk about the newest treatments. Although she wasn’t the most… conventional doctor, Fukuzawa had been insistent that she attend, so, she had. And while, she would much rather be tormenting her co-workers by strapping them down and removing their limbs when they were foolish enough to get themselves injured, she did have to admit that it was interesting to learn new things.

She also had a feeling it was a ploy to get her to experience things that normal doctors, with normal lives, and normal educations got to experience on a daily basis, which she did appreciate. Fukuzawa had always tried to give her a normal life—well, as normal as a life could be when it came to growing up with Fukuzawa and Ranpo who were very much not normal—after rescuing her from Mori all those years ago, and she’d been forever grateful. And while she didn’t regret how her life had turned out, there were times where she wished that her life had been different. That Mori had never plucked her from the candy store and whisked her away to war.

So with no hesitation, she packed a bag and hopped on the next train to Osaka, the goodbye’s of her co-workers echoing in her ears.

Goodbye’s that had involved warning Dazai against raiding her medicine cabinet—regardless of whether it was a joke or not—and telling Ranpo to eat an actual meal instead of his snacks for once, whilst also making sure that Kunikida didn’t stress himself out while she was gone because she knew him well enough to know that he would the moment she was gone. She’d made sure to check in with the younger members as well—because she did care despite her constant threats of bodily harm, and Atsushi and Kyouka still responded well to knowing that people actually cared about them—and had even made sure to have a quick break with Fukuzawa before her train. And it’d been nice, to see them all happy and smiling, and full of jokes and teasing quips.

It made her believe that everything would be alright.

Not that there’d been any reason to believe otherwise, because as chaotic and accident prone as her precious, put together, little family was, they were more than capable of handling any crisis that was thrown their way.

If only she’d known then, just how wrong she was.

The reporter on the news spoke of an infection of an unknown origin, bringing with it a rash, and open sores, along with a fever that could kill if it got out of hand. They also spoke of how it was unknown just how many people were infected, and that there was no reason to worry. Yosano wasn’t stupid though, and neither was any other doctor in the room currently. They all threw each other uneasy glances, and quiet murmurs broke out across the room, some groups discussing potential causes, and others already coming up with ways of treating it when they got back to their respective hospitals, even though, so far, it was restricted to just Yokohama.

And that was how the rest of the conference went; there was no panic, no fretting, only quiet discussion about what was going on in a city several hours away. Yosano herself, fell into the lull, keeping one eye on the news just like everyone else was, but focusing most of her attention on the people speaking. She wanted to go back and be able to prove that she’s actually learnt something while she’d been gone.

But the days passed, and the news became more frequent.

It was an infection they said, and medicine in this day and age, accompanied by the few skill users with healing abilities, meant that it wouldn’t be long before it was dealt with and forgotten.

It was an infection they said; no one had died, and it hadn’t been discovered outside of Yokohama yet, so it clearly wasn’t airborne, nor was it in the water.

It’s just an infection, Yosano told herself, watching as images of patients in hospitals flicked across the screen, dread filling her stomach that she couldn’t quite understand the origin of.

It’s just an infection, she continued to say, as the phone in her hand lit up with the President’s number.

Yosano wasn’t the type to believe in God; had never had a reason to with the life that she’d lived, with all that pain and suffering that she’d worked hard to put behind her. After all, what kind of God would just sit by and allow an eleven-year-old to suffer as much as she had? What had she done that was no bad to warrant that kind of torment? Not only that, but what God would endorse such a war to happen in the first place where she, a child, had needed to be on the battlefield?

After all these years, she still didn’t have an answer.

And when she arrived back at the Agency, and stepped into the infirmary, what little belief she somehow still had, vanished.

Yosano didn’t know what to think at first, when her eyes fell upon Dazai, his bandages unravelled and replaced with plastic covers that showed the gaping wounds being protected by them, the wires that were connected to him, monitoring his vitals, and the needle in his hand providing nutrition. Her heart skipped a beat, as she forced her eyes away from her friends almost… decaying form, to see Dazai staring at her, expression one that could only be attributed to pain, although she couldn’t be sure he was actually looking at her, eyes glazed with fever and staring right through her almost.

It was the weakest that she’d ever seen him, and she’d seen him on death’s door multiple times.

She stepped closer. “Dazai…”

Dazai’s eyes focused just long enough for him to notice her, and a smile grew on his face. “Yosano-sensei, how kind of you to rush back for little old me.”

“The President called me.” Yosano said, striding over to the bed and taking one of Dazai’s arms into her own to study it. This close, she could see the wound more clearly, see the bone underneath the flesh that had seemingly rotted away, blood leaking from the hole that was left behind. The sheer size of the wound concerned her; spreading up the length of the limb and disappearing underneath the gown that her colleague was wearing. Further up, she could see cracks in the skin on the right side of his face, not quite bleeding, but threatening to.

She’d never seen anything like it.

But she knew what it was.

Despite wishing wholeheartedly that it was anything but.

Yosano looked towards where Kunikida was sitting, looking more stressed than he ever had before. “How did this happen?”

“We aren’t sure.” Kunikida sighed, slumping forward to rest his head in his hands. He took a deep breath. “We pulled the idiot from the river about a week ago, and of course, he got sick from it. But then… he got worse. And now he’s like this.”

“Ah I’ll be fine. Now that you’re here, I’ll be fine.” Dazai interjected, tugging his hand free to drop back against the mattress. Neither Yosano nor Kunikida missed the way it dropped like deadweight, as there was no muscle to support the limb, nor the pained grimace that followed.

Yosano smiled, hoping that it conveyed the confidence that she did not feel in that moment. Her mind drifted away, back towards that of the news report about a mysterious infection spreading around Yokohama.

An infection that currently, had no cure.

Not that she would let that stop her.

She was Akiko Yosano, the Angel of Death. She wasn’t going to let some unknown infection get the best of her, not in her life.

“Well, Dazai.” Yosano said, reaching out a hand to smooth Dazai’s sweat-soaked hair, ignoring the heat that she felt, even through her glove. Dazai’s eyes focused on her once again. “Let’s see if we can’t get you fixed up.”

Yet, for all her efforts, Dazai continued to get sicker, and sicker. No matter what medicine she pumped him with, no matter how many times she and Kunikida cleaned the wounds, he just continued to waste away right in front of them. And because they weren’t sure how exactly Dazai had contracted the infection, Yosano made the decision to bar everyone but herself and Kunikida from the infirmary whilst they tried to figure it out; a decision that wasn’t well received. Atsushi had tried to force his way past her, desperate to see his mentor, but he’d calmed when Kyouka—bless her—had slid up to him and explained that Yosano wasn’t doing this to be cruel, she just didn’t want them to get sick as well.

Yosano had appreciated it, and promised Atsushi that the moment that Dazai was allowed visitors again, she’d let him know.

The first thing to do, other than manage Dazai’s symptoms, was discover how he’d even contracted the infection in the first place, which meant running through every aspect of Dazai’s life leading up until his collapse; a task made nearly impossible, not from Dazai’s unwillingness to talk, but because he was rarely lucid enough for them to even ask as the infection continued to ravage him. It’d gotten to the point where Yosano started to grow concerned that Dazai would die, so she’d made the decision to amputate his arm in a desperate attempt to stop the infection from spreading.

At first, Kunikida had argued, but he’d quickly given in when Yosano had argued back that at this point, they had nothing to lose.

It was one of the few times where she cursed being unable to use her ability on Dazai.

But after the surgery, Yosano felt nothing but relief when Dazai opened his eyes, and almost immediately cracked a joke about his missing arm, eyes clearer than they had been in a long time. It was almost as if Dazai hadn’t been sick in the first place, and once he’d rested from the surgery, she grilled him on what he’d been doing, what he’d been eating, and who he’d interacted with, but his answers had provided nothing.

All he’d been doing was walking around Yokohama, trying to find the ideal spot to die, nothing out of the ordinary for her eccentric friend.

But since it didn’t seem like Dazai would infect everyone else, Yosano didn’t see an issue with allowing the others to visit Dazai, although she did insist that they all wear masks and gloves just in case.

The last thing she wanted was to deal with an outbreak when she didn’t have a set treatment in mind.

“He’s going to die; you know that right?” Yosano was dragged out of her thoughts by the sound of Ranpo throwing himself up on top of her desk, twirling a lollipop in his hand. The words were harsh, and didn’t match the indifferent expression on Ranpo’s face, but Yosano knew better, knew just how much her oldest friend cared about Dazai.

Yosano sighed and glanced over her shoulder where Dazai was listening to Atsushi talk about his day, a bowl of half-eaten chazuke in his hand. “I know.”

Ranpo hummed. “Are you going to tell them?”

“They already know.” At least, she thought they did. She hoped they did, because if they didn’t… well, she didn’t quite have an answer for that. Yosano let out another sigh, and turned to face Ranpo. “Have you been asked by the police for help.”

“Not yet.” Ranpo said. “It’s only a matter of time though, since people are starting to die now, so I’m sure they’ll come begging for my assistance like they always do.”

“Do you know what’s causing it?”

“Causing it? Not yet. How it spreads? Yes.” Ranpo shoved the lollipop into his mouth, his attention focused on Dazai and the others surrounding him. “It’s through blood-to-blood contact, before you ask.”

Yosano frowned, filing the information away for later to deal with. She’d encountered infections of the blood before, but most of them had some other requirement involved for them to actually infect people; seldom was it as simple as blood-to-blood. But it would make sense for it to be so simply, really. It was common for the deadliest of diseases to be transmitted easily, that was what made them so deadly in the first place. And it didn’t make them easy to cure either.

“I’m sure you’ll figure something out.” Ranpo went on to say. “Dazai will die, but you did what you could, and he knows that. It’s why he’s still smiling, so people can remember him for that instead of rotting away in a bed.”

She didn’t think she’d done nearly enough to try and help, but it was nice of Ranpo to try and offer some comfort to her. She gave him a soft look. “Are you going to be okay? When he dies, I mean?”

Ranpo refused to look at her, his body tense. “It’s not like I have a choice. He’s dying whether I want him to or not.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’ll say my goodbyes later once everyone’s gone.” Ranpo hopped of her desk and began to leave, stopping right beside her just long enough to speak quietly. “Just find a cure, okay?”

I will. Yosano thought, going back to her research.

She had to.

But just as Ranpo had predicted, Dazai died.

It was a painful death, it had to be with the way Dazai’s flesh peeled from his skin, leaving nothing but bone. It took days for him to finally pass, the fever finally becoming too much for his body to handle and causing total organ failure. Yosano had done everything she could to help, had tried everything she’d learnt over the years, but none of it had been enough, and in the end, all she could do was sit by Dazai’s bedside with Kunikida beside her, and hold her friends’ hand as he lost the fight to live.

“Don’t mourn me… too much, Yosano-sensei… we all knew I would be… the first to die…”

That was what Dazai had said in his final moment of clarity, and honestly, she wanted to smack him for it. Of course she was going to mourn Dazai, he was her friend, and he’d left a bigger impact on the Agency than he thought he had. He’d brought jokes, and joy, and that weird friendship of his that only Dazai could do, and she, along with everyone else, were going to miss him. She hadn’t cried when he died, too focused on keeping herself composed as she shared the news with those that hadn’t been in the room, and afterwards, there’d been so many tears from everyone else that it didn’t feel right for her to break down too.

But if she shed a few tears over a shared bottle of sake between her and Ranpo, who was to know but them?

After Dazai’s death, Yosano thought that the end of it.

They held a funeral, said their goodbyes, and did their best to push onwards. For a while, work was slow, on account of everyone struggling to cope with the subdued atmosphere, which eventually led to Fukuzawa making the decision to close the Agency for the week, just to give them the time they needed to deal and start healing. A decision that everyone was quick to follow.

Once that week was up, and everyone was back at work, things almost seemed to go back to normal. Well, not normal per se—because there was nothing normal about watching a co-worker and friend slowly waste away—but as normal as it could be. Although, for Yosano, life continued to grow more chaotic. The hospitals, having heard of her encounter with the infection, summoned her to see if she could try to help with the influx of victims, so most of her time was spent there, trying to help, but only watching more people die.

There was still no cure, still no idea on the origin of the infection, only a steadily growing death toll and fear amongst the general population.

And then she walked into the Agency, where she watched Kunikida collapse in front of her, blood spilling from the cracks in his face, and her heart stopped. Not again.

Like with Dazai, Yosano took Kunikida to the infirmary and refused entry to anyone that wasn’t her. She did what she could to get Kunikida’s vitals up, hoping that he would regain consciousness and be able to tell her how he got infected—which she already knew thanks to Ranpo deducing that it was contact with blood, but she needed to know when. Knowing when Kunikida had gotten infected would give them an idea as to how long it took the infection to present itself, and that kind of knowledge was vital in an epidemic.

But Kunikida never woke up.

And Yosano was forced to watch yet another friend die.

It was cruel, it was awful, and Yosano cursed every God that she knew of for allowing the most important people in her life to die from some stupid, incurable infection. She wanted to scream, she wanted to cry, but right now, she couldn’t. Right now, she had to be strong, had to provide a brave face to show the others that she knew what she was doing, that there was still hope to be had, even though she continued to lose it as the days passed.

Like Dazai, Kunikida’s flesh began to rot away, and honestly, it was a testament to just how much the human body could survive, as Kunikida’s arms were nothing but bone, yet he was somehow still fighting. And even though Kunikida was comatose, she kept him dosed on painkillers, just in case there was a part of him that was hurting; otherwise, she used the time to study the symptoms of the infection, to note how fast it spread and the order it happened in, comparing Kunikida’s suffering to Dazai’s and finding them almost the same.

There were a few variances, but that was expected with infections; everyone was different after all. Everyone’s body reacted to things differently; it was why Kunikida had started bleeding from his face first whilst Dazai rotted.

Not that it made it any less painful to know that.

This time, it was Fukuzawa that sat by her side as Kunikida slowly died in front of her. She appreciated the company, spent most of the time leaning against his shoulder as they sat in silence together. It was obvious from the tension in his face, that he was worried about the way that things were going, and that he felt a little helpless at not being able to do much more than support her. It was probably how the rest of the Agency felt, being trapped outside the infirmary as they were, and she felt guilty that she couldn’t risk allowing them to help her. She just couldn’t risk anyone else getting infected. It was already dangerous enough keeping infected people in the infirmary here, instead of taking them to the hospital like the government was asking of people.

“I’m sorry I can’t save him.” Yosano found herself saying, her voice quiet in the despair of the room. She ducked her head and stared at her hands. Maybe Shunzen was right. Maybe she was an Angel of Death after all, hands bloodied by the bodies of people she tried to save and failed.

Maybe she should just—

“You did what you could.” Fukuzawa interrupted before her thoughts could send her spiralling. He gave her a comforting pat. “Kunikida and Dazai know that.”

“But does everyone else?” Yosano retorted. “I’ve kept them from being here, to keep them safe, but for all I know, they hate me for not doing more!”

“They don’t.”

“You don’t know that.”

Fukuzawa tightened his grip on her, voice firm. “They don’t hate you.”

“But—”

“They don’t.” Fukuzawa insisted. “They merely wish that they could do more to help. Situations like this can leave many feeling helpless and we, are no different. You need not apologise for the decisions you make to keep us safe.”

Yosano bit her lip to keep the apology on the tip of her tongue from escaping, and just gave a single nod. There wasn’t anything more she could say on the matter, not without making Fukuzawa repeat himself. Her eyes rested upon Kunikida’s shivering form; death would come for her friend soon, and she resolved to let him be the last. She would do everything that she could to stop anyone else she cared about from succumbing to this infection.

Two days later, Kunikida died.

And this time, Yosano allowed them to grieve him properly.

She spent hours sterilising the room from top to bottom, removing all traces of blood, and covering the wounds that had killed Kunikida to prevent even the slightest drop of blood from escaping. And only then, once she was sure that the room was as clean as it could be, did she allow everyone to come and say goodbye. Yosano knew she’d done right when Atsushi stepped into the room, took one look at the man that had taken him under his wing, and promptly burst into tears.

She had to leave the room then.

She didn’t go far, just outside into the main office where she leant against the wall, listening through the cracked door as everyone shared their final words with Kunikida, shedding tears over the person that had supported their endeavours at the Agency the most. It warmed her heart to hear such words spoken, she just wished that he hadn’t had to die to hear them. And for the first time in her life, she tried to believe that Kunikida’s spirit was there, along with Dazai’s, watching over them and giving them the strength to continue.

They were going to need it.

In the wake of Kunikida’s death, Yosano found herself being called away from the Agency more often than not, the government and local hospitals hearing of their encounters, however brief, with the infection and wanting to know more about her findings in studying the infection. The people she spoke to sounded hopeful on the phone, and Yosano felt nothing but guilt as she crushed that hope into tiny pieces by being unable to provide any information that wasn’t already known. It also crushed her to know that she hadn’t discovered anything new about the infection, but there was a determination building within her, one born from the desire to not lose anyone else that she considered family.

The television in the Agency was permanently left on, at least one channel always reporting on the status of the infection, updating people on how many were infected and where the worst rate of infection was. As expected, Suribachi City was affected the worst; the ruined city had been cordoned off the moment the public discovered the method of transmission, with no one allowed to enter or leave, no matter what. This caused some argument, and a lot of distress, as it meant that the people trapped within the city were sentenced to a slow and painful death, without any means of relief.

Yosano considered herself capable of controlling her emotions, but after watching two of her oldest friends die to the infection, she couldn’t help but cry over the people in Suribachi City.

Weeks passed, and the situation worsened around them, but the atmosphere within the Agency was a positive one as no one else fell to the infection—mostly due to Fukuzawa’s decision for them to remain indoors unless absolutely necessary. Which wasn’t hard to do considering that in the wake of a deadly infection, people weren’t exactly scrambling for their services. This newfound free time of theirs was spent doing whatever kept their focus off the news; reading, playing games, swapping stories with each other. It was almost as this were just a casual sleepover instead of an attempt to stay safe.

Yosano couldn’t bring herself to relax, going over her notes over and over again until she would collapse at her desk. She couldn’t relax, no matter how many times the others pleaded with her to take a break.

She’d already failed them twice; she wouldn’t do it again.

So of course, the infection made her eat her words.

Rumours began to spread that those suffering from the infection would do their best to seek out contact with others, not because they wanted to infect others, but because the infection took their ability to stay warm. And who was warm but living, healthy, people?

This made the infection more deadly, considering all it took to get infected was the tiniest cut, and naturally, not long after the news had dropped, the death toll began to rose, bring with it, crushing despair and a lack of hope for their situation ever getting better. Yokohama was now in lockdown mode, a last-ditch effort to stop the infection spreading. No one was to leave, even to get supplies, and those that risked it, were left to die in the streets.

The hospitals turned their focus to those that were uninfected, ejecting the victims of the infection onto the streets, breaking their vows to save all lives no matter what, just to try and save who remained. These hospitals swore that they’d focus on finding a cure, and that when they did, the people they threw out would be welcomed back and treated, but it didn’t take a genius to know those were empty words. The infection was killing faster now, spreading even faster to try and take down as many people as it could.

It was a logical decision really, to sacrifice the lives of the few to save the lives of the many, but already, two-quarters of Yokohama’s population was infected, and one-quarter dead, so who were they saving really?

No one, that’s who.

So, Yosano wasn’t surprised when her more empathetic colleagues wanted to help those that had been abandoned, even if it was just venturing out to get people indoors, to get them food and water so that they may stand a chance of pulling through the epidemic. And try as she might, Yosano couldn’t stop them.

Kenji.

Kyouka.

Atsushi.

One by one she watched them die, her heart fracturing as she tried desperately to save them, only to fail. Even Atsushi, who’s skill allowed him to regenerate, succumbed to the infection in the end. But… Yosano learnt something from that, and she kicked herself over not considering it sooner. As Atsushi lay there in the infirmary bed, skin literally melting off of his bones, she watched as his body tried to fix it; the damaged skin would knit back together, as if he’d never been infected in the first place, only for the wounds to reappear days later.

It was an endless cycle, one filled with pain and agony, and ultimately, it ended with Atsushi losing his mind.

At that point, it was just her, Atsushi, Ranpo, and Fukuzawa left in the building. Everyone else was dead. And when Atsushi became infected, Ranpo retreated immediately—not that Yosano could blame her friend, for despite being confronted with death since a young age like she had, it was different when they were people you cared about, and Ranpo had been struggling ever since Dazai first died months back—which left just her and Fukuzawa to do what they could for Atsushi.

No one could tell them that they hadn’t tried, because they had tried so, so hard, to keep Atsushi alive, praying that his body would somehow fight off the infection and a miracle would occur.

But instead of a miracle, a curse came.

The tiger inside Atsushi had always been uncontrollable, and was only placid due to Fukuzawa’s ability making it so. But the infection must’ve broken that connection, because as Atsushi’s healing ability failed, and his flesh rotted worse than it ever had, the tiger broke free. Yosano found herself shoved across the room as the tiger lunged for her and Fukuzawa, and she could only watch as Fukuzawa drew his sword and sliced Atsushi in half.

But not before sinking his teeth into the older man’s arm.

“NO!” Yosano threw herself onto her knees by Fukuzawa’s side, blinking rapidly as if that would make the wound go away. Only a few feet away, did Atsushi lay in his tiger form, eyes wide and dull, devoid of life, and Yosano knew she should do as she did, and take notes on the infection’s progression in the boy, but she couldn’t bring herself to, not when she had to come to term with the fact that she was going to lose the man that rescued and given her a new life.

Her shout must’ve been loud enough to catch Ranpo’s attention from wherever he’d sequestered himself, for she heard the infirmary door open, and the shattering of a ramune bottle seconds later.

And despite the fate that was coming for him, Fukuzawa smiled at them both, covering his wound with a hand. “It will be fine.” He said, voice filled with conviction as it always was. “I believe in the both of you.”

“There’s no cure—”

“We’ll cure it.” Ranpo’s determined words interrupted her own hopeless ones, and Yosano turned towards Ranpo. His eyes slid to look at her briefly, hardened, and devoid of emotion, before flicking back to Fukuzawa. Despite the look on his face, she could hear the pain in his voice. “We’ll cure it, so you better fight, President. You aren’t allowed to die.”

“I will do my best, Ranpo.”

The stakes were higher than ever before, with Fukuzawa infected, not only because of how much he meant to her, but because Ranpo became absolutely unbearable the moment that the man that had saved them both became so ill, he was a far cry from their saviour now. She tried not to snap at her friend when he was short with her, or when he demanded more than she could give, but it was hard not to when it felt like he was about to start biting her neck instead of merely breathing on it with how close he lingered. She understood his distress, was feeling much the same herself, and wanted nothing more than to find a cure to stop Fukuzawa from dying, but there was only so much she could do. Realistically, Yosano had already accepted that Fukuzawa was going to die, had prepared herself for it to happen, but Ranpo hadn't. Like when Fukuzawa had been infected by the Cannibalism skill all those months ago, Ranpo camped out by the older man's bedside, refusing to move, to eat, to sleep, and nothing Yosano said or did could change his mind.

It wasn't until she finally sat down and documented her observations on Atsushi that she finally gained a bit of hope.

Atsushi had only lasted as long as he did because of the regenerative qualities of his ability, and it reminded her of her own ability. She'd never thought to use her ability on the infection, since Dazai was immune to her skill to begin with, and after he’d died, she’d automatically assumed it would be like any other illness, and fail, but perhaps this was different. After all, the infection caused massive wounds, and those were something she could heal. And even if she couldn't cure the infection, perhaps she could buy enough time for a cure to be found. 

Perhaps she would be able to save Fukuzawa.

So as Fukuzawa grew sicker, she fought the urge to amputate his limbs to try and stop the infection. She had to wait for it to take hold more, if she wanted the best chance at defeating it, no matter how much it pained her to do so. It was hard, when the flesh began to melt off his bones, and he gave into the pain he was feeling despite the heavy amount painkillers she supplied.

And finally, the time came for her to use her ability.

It was the first, and only, time she did it, and she watched Fukuzawa's chest fall still, butterflies filling the room, apprehension filling her body as she waited for it to restart. And right where he'd been sitting the entire time, Ranpo sat, clutching Fukuzawa's hand within his own, squeezing tight. His head was ducked so she couldn't see what kind of face he was making, but she could see his lips moving, recognising the words as a prayer—so unlike Ranpo with his usually uncaring nature towards anything spiritual. But dire situations brought out the desperation in even the strongest of people, and Ranpo surely must've reached his limit by now.

Time ticked by, and still, Fukuzawa's chest remained still. 

And then, just as she was about to shatter, she saw it. A breath.

A singular breath.

It was weak and shaky, but it was there, and Yosano dove straight into doctor mode, taking Fukuzawa's vitals, and making sure that he had enough nutrients going into him to keep his body as strong as possible. She didn’t dare believe it, didn’t dare hope in case it was just a lie. But as the day passed by, those breaths grew stronger, and by evening, against the odds of everyone else they’d already lost, Fukuzawa opened his eyes.

"Did you cure it?" Fukuzawa asked. He was tired. Strained. Barely conscious, yet there was pride in his eyes.

"I'm not sure." Yosano admitted, ducking her head. "We'll just have to wait and see. Atsushi regenerated his wounds, but... they would reappear days later."

"Yeah, but Atsushi didn't have your healing ability." Ranpo huffed, looking more alive now that Fukuzawa was awake and talking. Yosano reckoned that if he could’ve, Ranpo would’ve crawled onto the bed right that instant. "You've cured it, I just know it. President's gonna be the first one to fight this stupid infection off, just you watch."

Yosano sincerely hoped that Ranpo was right.

And as the days passed, with Fukuzawa appearing to grow stronger, Yosano's hope began to return, along with a little optimism. She’d cured it. Every day, she checked Fukuzawa over, and every day, there were no wounds. But still, she held her breath, just in case it was false hope, and the infection was simply waiting to make a comeback. 

She’d cured it.

A week passed by with no changes, just growth, and Fukuzawa was able to get out of bed, taking his first steps since becoming infected. And this time, she cried. Because she'd done it. She’d cured it—she'd cured the infection, and all she'd had to do was use the ability that she'd once despised. Fukuzawa held her close, whispering quiet words of reassurance, telling her that he was proud of her perseverance. After that, she pulled away, smiling, and Ranpo took her place, throwing himself at the President and finally unleashing his own tears that he'd been holding back for months.

"I'm going to grab some food from downstairs. If you can eat something, I'll contact the hospital and tell them that I've managed to cure it." Yosano said, leaving Fukuzawa and Ranpo alone in the infirmary as she made her way to the storage area, where they'd stocked up on food before needing to isolate—thanks to Atsushi. She couldn't help but feel excited, moving with a skip in her step. Even though she was still upset at not being able to save her friends and co-workers, being able to save Fukuzawa had given her hope. There was no doubt in her mind that she would miss them for as long as she lived. All of them had left an impact on her, however long or short they'd been in her life for. Her heart clenched, but she forced the feeling away. There would be time to mourn after they'd stopped the infection running rampant.

And mourn she would.

She'd grabbed a decent amount of food, enough to host a small party that she believed was well deserved after everything they’d been through, and was just heading up the stairs when she heard a loud crash, and her heart stopped dead in its tracks.

"YOSANO!"

Like lightning, Yosano bolted up the stairs, the food in her hands falling to the floor, but she didn't care. That'd been Ranpo's voice, and he'd sounded terrified. Ranpo was never scared, never fearful, never terrified, which was how she knew it was bad. Yosano threw open the main door to the Agency, and dashed over to the infirmary, grateful that she'd left that door open when she'd left.

And then froze.

Red. That was all she could see. There was so much of it over the floor, over everything, that you almost wouldn't believe that the room had once been white. And in amongst the red, Yosano saw a petrified green; Ranpo, covered in more blood than she'd ever seen on him before. There was so much of it that she felt nauseous, a hand coming to cover her mouth, her arm wrapping around her stomach. Ranpo was holding onto something—no, someone.

Fukuzawa.

She hadn’t cured it.

"He just—" Ranpo tried to say, only to choke on his words. He raised a hand and stared at the blood, shocked. Whatever had happened had been fast, too fast for his genius brain to comprehend. Yosano could see it kicking into gear though, and she wanted to cry. "I don't know what happened—he was talking, and then—and then he was on the ground."

Yosano threw herself onto her knees beside the two of them, jamming her hand into Fukuzawa's neck only to recoil as the flesh sunk beneath her touch. What...?

Now that she was close enough, she could see that the wounds she'd cured had returned, but worse than before. Fukuzawa’s hands were nothing but bone, the skin and muscle sliding off his skeleton even in death. Where his skin remained, it was soft, sinking in places almost as if the elder’s insides were liquifying themselves. Where Ranpo clutched at his mentor, his hands left bruising imprints—although upon closer inspection, Yosano saw that the skin had actually broken, and was literally falling off around her friend’s grip.

And his face—his face—

It was cracked and split all over, blood and what looked to be brain matter oozing out of the cracks.

Fukuzawa was dead before he'd even hit the ground.

"I'm sorry, Ranpo, I'm so sorry." Yosano sobbed, bowing her head. She should've known it was too good to be true, should've known that it wasn't as simple as just using an ability. Why would it ever work that way? It wasn’t like it had worked before for her. And now Fukuzawa was gone, leaving just her and Ranpo as the sole survivors of this cursed infection.

"I'm sorry too." Came the shaky response, and Yosano lifted her head to look at Ranpo in confusion, uncertain as to why he was apologising when there hadn't been anything he could've done in the first place.

But then Ranpo lifted his hand, covered in Fukuzawa's blood, and through that blood, Yosano could see a cut.

A tiny cut, but a cut all the same.

And Yosano's heart shattered.

Please…

… no more.

[floramisu]

Made a little character sheet for Onyx!

The template was made by @lucifers-paramour

And I'm slowly writing down lore for her, I'll write it under the cut!

Name: Onyx Age: ~22 Gender: Female (She/Her) Profession: Builder City of Origin: Highwind

Onyx is one of the new builders coming to Sandrock from Highwind. She wanted to make a change in the world, and seeing a position open in a town in need, she thought it was her chance to finally make a difference. In Highwind, Onyx didn't have many friends, Nia being the only that stuck the test of time, even if they started drifting apart after High School. People are usually intimidated by Onyx's stern gaze, leading them to believe she's unfriendly and should not be messed with. In truth, she's just reserved, but craves connections that always seem just out of reach. Maybe in Sandrock she can finally change her fate.

Trivia:

She's a follower of the Church of the Light. Even if she's not the most orthodox, she still tries to give donations whenever she can.

Despite this, she finds relics fascinating, and believes not all of them should be discarded, though some should be handled with care.

Relationships:

Please note most of these are previous to certain story events, and those events will change how she feels towards them.

Burgess: Despite her seemingly standoffish appearance, Burgess was nice to Onyx from day one, and did not judge her. He soon became Onyx's first friend, and she cherished him deeply, wanting to do anything to help him out in his quest for water conservation! Eventually, she developed feelings for him, and they started dating. Everyday she's with him is a day filled with the warmest sunshine.

Mi-an: While she was a bit afraid of Onyx at first, she very quickly realized there was nothing to fear. With both being builders and working together, they developed a nice friendship. Onyx enjoys having someone she can trust and with whom to discuss her passion.

Miguel: As a member of the Church of the Light, and the one handling finances and donations, Onyx and Miguel got to talk quite a bit. They don't agree with everything, but they still get along quite well. Miguel can offer Onyx advice when she's feeling lost, and she really appreciates him. In a way, he's sort of like a second dad to her.

Matilda: Onyx often goes to donate to the Church and ends up seeing Matilda. She enjoys listening to her, and they usually have very nice chats. Matilda never seemed to judge her, and this is something she values.

Pen: Onyx doesn't particularly like Pen, but they talk from time to time regardless and she tries to give him a chance. However, she gets very annoyed any time he picks on Burgess, and will not hesitate to let him know, though he doesn't really care. Pen respects Onyx's strength, and something may have happened when he realized her arms... are actually strong?!

Unsuur: They often pass each other while working, and while they didn't talk much at first, Unsuur admired Onyx's hard (like a rock) work. After a certain incident, they became closer friends, and Unsuur loves talking to her about rocks. With a name like hers, she's the perfect person for it!

Fang: It took some time, since both are pretty reserved, but after Onyx helped Fang with his experiments, a bit of conversation started appearing, at least from Onyx's side, helped a bit by X. Onyx could relate to his loneliness, and really wanted to help him come out of his shell, just as she had been learning to do during her time at Sandrock.

Dan-bi: They're not that close, but as a friend of Burgess, Onyx tries to befriend her as well. They don't always understand each other, but both of them agree that they will kick the butt of anyone who messes with Burgy boy, and sometimes that is enough.

[teecupangel]

Hello. What's the reminder of assassin's fear? What brings back all bad memories to Desmond and his ancestors? Like a word, sound, smell or anything.

And one other thing I wanted to say "Thanks you for being so nice to your followers"

Fire would be one, especially if Desmond could feel the heat bearing down on him and see the flames themselves. His Bleed of Ezio would remember the burning of Cappadocia and the guilt and grief he carried with him till his dying breath. But that would be a kindness compared to when it would remind his Bleed of Ratonhnhaké:ton of the burning of his village and his last moments with his mother. The feeling of desperation and hopelessness clung to Desmond deeper than any fear Ratonhnhaké:ton felt that day. And all Desmond could do ride that maelstrom of emotion… Hoping the hopeless tears wouldn’t fall from his eyes.

.

Loud noises usually don’t scare Desmond. He lived in New York. He learned how to pretend loud noises were just noise. But there are times… mostly when he wakes up because of some kind of loud noise that his Bleed of Ezio would come into the front. For a few moments, he would be in Monteriggioni, hearing the cannons and the sounds of fighting. For a very few moments, he would be filled with terror as he thought about his family. Where was his mother and sister? Were they safe? Did the cannon strike their rooms? Is Uncle Mario outsi-

“Desmond?”

One word. 

His name.

And he would be Desmond again, laughing it off as a nightmare. Making up weird ‘dreams’ to make his team shake their heads in fond exasperation instead.

.

Water usually didn’t frighten Desmond or his Bleeds. But one time, Shaun pushed him into a pool because Desmond had said something that annoyed Shaun or another, Desmond wasn’t sure anymore, and his limbs grew heavy as he sank deeper and deeper. Any thoughts of knowing how to swim flew from his mind. All he could think about was that he was in the docks of Acre, accidentally falling into the waters while playing tag with Adha. He could hear the muffled shouts of ‘Altaïr!’ coming from Adha then… he realized that the shouts weren’t calling Altaïr. They were calling for him… for Desmond. 

When Desmond’s head finally came above water, Shaun and Rebecca assumed he was joking around.

And Desmond just laughs instead of telling the truth.

.

The smell of blood would sometimes bring back the memories of their first kill regardless of which ancestor it is. Most of the time, Desmond could just ignore it. Killing people had become quite ‘normal’ for him and his ancestors after all. But sometimes, his hands would start to tremble as his Bleed of Haytham would remember the day. The smell of blood coming from his father’s corpse. The blood in his hands as he laid standing next to the first man he ever killed, hands trembling as he held the sword his father gave to him, the blood of his first kill coating both his hands and the blade itself. The scream of his mother that was muffled by the loud ringing of his ears. Whenever Haytham… No. Whenever Desmond remembered that, he always left the room where the scent of blood was coming from, pushing everything away and focusing on the mission at hand.

.

“Desmond.”

That was his name.

He was used to being called by that name.

He spent nine years being another person… of bearing another name…

But…

“Desmond.”

It was easy to return to being Desmond Miles.

It was easy to turn his head to where he heard someone say ‘Desmond’. 

“Desmond.”

But…

“Desmond.”

His heart still beats too quickly.

His hands still tremble slightly.

“Desmond.”

He still fears the strike that would either come or not come.

No matter how much he covers it up with indignation, stubbornness or rage…

No matter how much distance he places between them…

No matter what other conversation they have, burying hatchets because there were more important things to focus on…

“Son.”

He still fears William Miles calling him.

.

(Thank you! I like to think that being nice comes easy for me in this blog because you’re all such lovely and understanding people :))