#you genuinely legitimately 100% made my whole fucking day with this thank you so much

[zinzinina]

Hi there! My name is Lauren, and I recently came across your fanfiction, A Mutually Beneficial Arrangement, and I just have to say… OH MY GOD. WOW. I absolutely LOVE Fett, so much so, that I have soooo many figures, pins, art pieces, etc. of him, and my fiance is building a Boba cosplay. You know… for science… hahahah! But like, you depict Fett in such a beautiful way, like he is that hard ass we all love, but soft, learning these “new” emotions and allowing himself to feel. It’s just… amazing, and you have a wonderful way of describing and depicting every single thing associated with each scene, while sticking to Star Wars cannon. I just finished chapter 9 (I am slow at reading it because I want to preserve this fanfic) and reading how you dove into Jango’s and Boba’s relationship, Boba knowing Mando’a, and so forth, is just like… amazing. I’ve loved Star Wars ever since I could remember, and have always had the hots for Fett, and how I imagined him to be is exactly how you perceive him, as well. I know the story has been out for quite sometime, but thank you for creating it and sharing your wonderful talent with all of us. I would LOVE to create an art piece for your fanfic, whichever scene you are most fond of. I got some off time from school and work coming up for the holidays that’ll give me more free time to work on your piece. :) (My profile pic is actually a piece of Boba and my OC, Va’ia, from a short story I created of them). :) Sorry for the long message hahaha, but just really wanted to say thank you and offer a gift as a token of my gratitude!

Holy shit hi Lauren ❤️ aah this is so lovely! It makes me so so indescribably happy to hear that you discovered AMBA and you’re enjoying it, especially from someone who’s such a huge Boba lover! The fact you feel that this version of Boba aligns so much with now you feel about him honestly is the highest compliment in the universe and means so much to me; I’m so fucking grateful to you for reading and for taking the time to say this to me. (Also omfg @ your fiancé HELL YEAH get it hahahaha).

& If you ever create something inspired by AMBA it would be the highest honour and please PLEASE tag me so I can freak out and share the shit out of it and force everybody to look haha. Your profile pic is gorgeous and you are so talented holy shit! And Va’ia is such a cool name for your OC. I hope you’re having an incredible day/night and I’m sending you the biggest hug, thank you again so very much x

[adam-memeleri]

Okay, so. Here’s the thing. I hit two milestones in the past... some measurement of time and that’s big to me, so I want to celebrate it.

I know this isn’t important, and I’m very likely to be the only one that cares, but I do care so you’re going to have to hear about it.

The first is that I hit 100 followers on this blog. Which is insane because I don’t do anything. But I’m seriously grateful for all the support I’ve received on here and all the friends I’ve made and all the wonderful things I’ve been able to experience.

It’s also kinda wild cuz this blog specifically has only been around since... May? I think that’s when I split off? But regardless, over 100 people are interested in this blog, and subsequently interested in me. That’s fucking wild man

And, the one that’s throwing my head for a loop the most, is that, on 2 August, I had officially been writing for one year. I went from a very bad villa fic that is no longer available because it’s that bad, to 217.898 words on Ao3, excluding the thousands I still need to transfer over from tumblr. That’s fucking wild.

I went from having no idea what I was doing in one fandom, to having no idea what I’m doing in half a dozen fandoms, and with two IFs. @sinkorswimvn & @whenthestarsalign-if ima plug. That’s fucking wild.

I went from knowing no one, and feeling out of place on the subreddit, to friends and mutuals and so many people I adore with my whole heart. In the span of a year. That’s fucking wild.

This past year, half a year, month, week, day, hour - everything - has legitimately been so brilliant, and so much better than I thought it could’ve been. And I genuinely owe so much of it to having a place to go to be dumb and make bad jokes, and somewhere to try and care without fear, and somewhere to laugh and have fun with some amazing people.

Thank you to everyone that’s lent a little light into my life this past year, whether you see this or not. Thank you to everyone for being kind and supportive and funny and cool and amazing. Thank you to everyone for being welcoming and laughing with me, even when I’m sending you cursed frogs in your inbox. Thank you to everyone for simply being here with me, it means more than I could ever possibly say.

Genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

[grrlinthefireplace]

Hey so I’ve been seeing you post a lot about La Casa de Papel recently. What exactly is it? It looks kinda interesting.

Thank you so much for asking!

I am delighted beyond reason to have the opportunity to tell you - and by extension the entire world - why this show has cleared my skin, watered my crops, and legitimately healed my soul after this particularly soul-crushing season of Grimdark White Man Television almost broke me as a human being.

I will attempt to keep this as spoiler-free as I possibly can, because this is a show that should be experienced in the moment, but in a nutshell, La Casa de Papel is a heist show set in present-day Madrid which follows both a found family of thieves who rob the Royal Mint of Spain, and the law enforcement officials on the outside who are chasing them.

If that is enough for you, go right to your TV or computer, fire up the ol’ Netflix, and don’t waste any more time.

If, however, you need a little more, here are the top five things I flail about to every single person in my life to convince them they need to start watching this show like immediately and then come back and tell me all about it.

For visual flair, we’ll intersperse them with some gifs of ladies, because I know my audience.

5. character driving plot > plot driving character.

You know that infuriating thing lazy TV writers do where, in order to to hurry up and get to the big explosion or battle scene or dragon attack or whatever, which is the only bit they really care about, they handwave away the whole concept of motivation and make some character do something that any halfway-attentive viewer will immediately clock that they would never actually do?

There is none of that bullshit here.

In its simplest form, the plot of La Casa de Papel is as follows: a brilliant criminal mastermind devises a heist which cannot possibly go wrong, and then we proceed to watch all the ways in which it goes wrong.

This is a fantastic setup for an action story, made even more breathlessly exciting by strategic use of my favorite heist movie plot device (as perfected by Ocean’s Eleven): namely, “scene where it looks like our crime heroes have been outsmarted and are now threatened by a completely unforeseen disaster” immediately followed by “flashback to the team prepping for the heist where we learn that of course they prepared for this exact scenario.”

But from time to time, things do actually go wrong (as they must, or else there would be no story); and, when they do, it is never because you can tell a writer just wanted to write a scene where bullets go flying, and didn’t care how he got there. These characters are so clear, their behavior so consistent, that when gasp-worthy plot twists happen, they happen because of course that character, in this exact scenario, would do that exact thing.

I’m telling you, I came to this show for a ship (more on that in a minute) and I stayed for a swooning, heart-eyes writer crush on the impeccably-designed plot structure and characterization.

4. High stakes, low gore.

Tone-wise, on a sliding scale of Heist Film Intensity where a really fluffy episode of Leverage is a 1, Reservoir Dogs is a 10, and the Ocean’s franchise is somewhere in the 3-4 range, I would place La Casa at a 5 or a 6, which is perfect for me. I love action, suspense, drama and adventure, but I hate gratuitous violence (especially when it’s pointless and masturbatory and doesn’t contribute anything to the plot) and have a very low tolerance for blood and gore. So I kept waiting for the story to eventually take a hard left turn into Tarantino Land, until eventually it was all just one huge pile of dead bodies, and was genuinely surprised when it didn’t.

This is how I learned just how badly my brain has been fucked up by lazy showrunners who think shock deaths are the only way to raise stakes. During the first season of this show, before I had figured out that it was a Flawless Gem of Television Which So Far Has Not Once Disappointed Me, there were probably a dozen moments where I was absolutely convinced that some character was about to be gruesomely killed for shock value … and I was wrong every single time.

Reader, it was fucking wild.

Every single time I was convinced that person A was going to shoot person B in the head because blah blah maximum angst over here in this part of the story and then it will motivate person C to do this other thing, the show did the hard work of finding a smarter, more unexpected direction to take that character’s story. That means that when deaths do come along - and there are a couple - they feel genuinely earned, and they matter deeply to the story and to us.

3. I would die for these women.

This show loves women. Like it truly, authentically, uncompromisingly loves women in all our fucked-up messy glorious complexity. There are no “types” or cliches here; no one is forced to be only one thing. Fuck your one-dimensional Strong Female Characters, lazy writers.

For one thing, on many shows you might be lucky if you get maybe one mom who is given a personality and a story outside of motherhood. Often, on shows written by men, the fact of her motherhood diminishes her strength or her agency. On this show, nearly every one of the central female characters is both a mom and an action hero simultaneously. Seriously. By season 3 there are four different battle moms. They’re all different, they’re not all on the same side, they have different perspectives, and their role as mother impacts the story differently, but that’s the joy of having a whole lot of different kinds of women - no one has to be everything to everyone.

These women are complicated. They laugh, they cry, they crack dirty jokes, they get laid, they have babies, they fight, they make mistakes, they fall in love, they grow. Men pull sexist shit and they shut it the fuck down. Some of them have love stories, some of them don’t, but they are never defined by or triangulated around relationships with men. They get to have relationships with each other. All of them are excellent at their jobs.

Tokyo is the kind of hot mess antihero protagonist we’ve been watching middle-aged white men play for decades.

Allison is such a realistic teenage girl it’s genuinely painful to watch.

Monica has one of the best arcs I’ve ever seen on television, this is not a drill.

Alicia is terrifying. (A pregnant black ops interrogator! ON WHAT OTHER FUCKING SHOW!?!??)

Nairobi is unlike any other character you’ve seen on TV before; she’s got a little bit of Parker from Leverage, a little bit of Raven Reyes from The 100, but she’s entirely her own creature and you will fall in love with her instantly.

And Raquel. Oh, my love, my angel, my hero, Inspector Raquel Murillo. Love of my goddamn life. A fierce, kickass hostage negotiator swimming upstream against a tide of workplace misogyny who sometimes has to make the frustrating little male-appeasing compromises we all have to make to get through the workday. A beautiful, sexy, powerful heroine over 40 whose femininity isn’t diminished based on some bullshit notion that, for example, pairing your tough-bitch suit and gun holster with red toenails and a lacy blouse detracts from your strength. A loving mom and daughter who has to juggle raising a small child and caring for an aging parent with the stress of, you know, trying to stop the biggest robbery in the history of Spain. A domestic violence survivor (TW for those who need it; nothing is ever shown onscreen, but it’s discussed several times) who is given the space to discuss the things that have happened to her and how she has worked through them with such dignity, accuracy and respect that you can tell the writers did their homework.

This is a show where you can tell there are women in the writers’ room.

2. The Professor and Raquel. I don’t want to spoil a single thing for you here except to say that I myself was lured into this show by the promise of electric sexual chemistry between a criminal mastermind and the police inspector hunting him down, and my God I was not disappointed.

1. Love.

This show came into my life at a period where I was so weary of cynicism on television - so fucking furious at showrunners who dangle hope in front of us and then crush it, who only care about building anything if they can tear it down later, who treat love and fun and joy and hope and family and happiness like they’re intellectually lesser than grimdark nihilism with no soul - that I was honestly kind of broken by it. I was just so. fucking. tired. Tired of “the way we show this heroine is strong is to kill off her love interest.” Tired of “sorry but all this rape and murder is NECESSARY because of REALISM” (particularly rich when coming from shows featuring evil A.I.’s or dragons and ice zombies). Tired of getting invested in relationships - whether ships or friends or found families - only to realize that the show I was watching was always going to sacrifice character to force plot mechanics into place, and those relationships were never going to get the kind of care and focus I wanted them to get.

But that is not this show.

The single most revolutionary thing, to me, about La Casa de Papel - the thing that sets it apart from every other rollercoaster action thrill ride on television - is that every single thread of the plot is tied to love.

Every.

Single.

One.

Love of all different shapes and sizes - parents and children, friendships, doomed crushes (straight and queer), toxic exes, blossoming romances, siblings - and over it all, a deep, deep love for humanity.

The thing I said before, about how when things go wrong they go wrong in character-driven ways? It’s this. Love is why everything on this show happens. Love is what makes children want to live up to their parents and what makes parents fight to leave a better world for their children. Love is why deaths have stakes. Love is why we spend so much screentime lingering on small moments another show might ignore, like all the thieves at heist camp sitting down every night to have dinner together and argue about paella techniques. Love is what causes chaos in the middle of the heist; when there’s one person in the room you care about more than the others, you can get distracted and take your eye off the ball. Love is how your enemies can get to you, by leveraging or blackmailing the people who matter most, knowing that you’ll crack if they’re in danger. Love, gone wrong, causes toxic men to develop possessive and controlling behavior towards women. Love is how the Professor gets the idea for the heist in the first place. The plan is flawless on paper, but it doesn’t account for the human variable, and over and over again we see that relationships and connection and sex and family and love cause people to behave in unpredictable ways and throw the whole plan into chaos, which is what makes for a dynamic and compelling story.

How refreshing to see a show simply refuse to grant the oft-repeated premise that a show cannot have both high-octane thrills, and a big soft squishy heart, at the same time.

ANYWAY, I’VE TAKEN UP ENOUGH OF YOUR VALUABLE TV-WATCHING TIME, GO JUMP ON BOARD THIS TRAIN AND COME SCREAM ABOUT IDEALISTIC SPANISH ROBIN HOODS WITH ME, AND LET THE GOOD SHIP SERQUEL INTO YOUR LIFE, YOU WON’T BE SORRY

THANKS FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK

[lightwoodsmagic]

I’m worried about Liam and his album and I didn’t know where to go but you always seem rational. I feel awful because there’s only a few songs I like and the album isn’t getting good reviews but Liam DESERVES good things, and then everything with ‘both ways’ happened. I’m so sad for him, but do you think he’ll be okay? I don’t want him to be cancelled, but the song was such a bad choice? His image in the eyes of the public seems ruined. Please tell me what you think :(

Hi anon, 

Thank you for thinking of me, and for thinking that I’m rational. I know this has been sitting in my inbox for the better part of a day, but in order to be rational and approach this properly, I had to take some time to let myself play out all of my emotions. 

I’m here now! And I think I’m ready. This post is long though, so I’ve popped it under the cut. 

Before I start properly, there’s a few things I want to say first. 

- I love Liam, an absolutely ridiculous amount. Liam’s music isn’t the usual genre I would listen to, but I will always support him and his music, and his fashion, and everything else he does. 

- I am incredibly proud of him for finally being able to release his album.

- As anyone who follows me knows, I strongly believe Liam is queer, and closeted, and in a relationship with Zayn. Here’s a masterpost I made about it earlier this year.

- I’m realistic. Some things below may not be what people agree with, or wanna hear, but you asked for my opinion.

Okay. Here we go. I’ve divided it into sections to address your ask properly. I’m also aware that this is pretty late in terms of fandom, and I haven’t been on Tumblr, so people have no doubt said many of the things I’m about to say. 

LP1

First thing: don’t feel bad for only liking a couple of songs on Liam’s new album. Everyone’s music taste is different and it is completely possible to love and support someone even if you don’t absolutely love their music. It does not make you a fake fan, or mean that you love Liam less, or anything like that. Please don’t worry about that. It’s okay not to love the album. Completely okay. 

Also, YES. Liam does deserve good things, always.

You’re right; it hasn’t been getting great reviews, but even though I really enjoyed the album despite my musical preferences, some people are frustrated, and not just reviewers. People are frustrated that a third of it is collabs, that half of it is songs we’ve heard before (that weren’t just released as a lead up to the album), and that Liam seemed to hardly write on it. We’ve known for a while that something’s been up with Liam’s album, especially when last year he said he had a full album ready to go, and then suddenly it was like it was scrapped, and he had to start again. 

We also know that Liam is a brilliant writer; he wrote so much for One Direction. So many people completely disregard this because Liam once said that he was more about the melodies, and Louis more the lyrics. Under no circumstances does that mean he does not, and did not, write great lyrics, or just good songs in general. That kind of thinking is also what leads to a lot of Liam’s erasure from Home, which is something I also touched on in the masterpost I linked above. It’s something that frustrates me a lot, when people forget about his writing ability. It doesn’t help though when he didn’t, or maybe wasn’t allowed to, write more on his own debut album. 

Overall, in terms of his album in general, I’m exceptionally proud that it’s been released, and sad for him that it’s not getting great reviews. Reviews don’t always matter, though! The support for the album from other sources has been really brilliant, and I’m sure he was feeling the love (and still is, despite recent stuff that I’ll touch on now).

Both Ways

No matter how you look at the situation, no matter who you are or what you think of Liam, it is baffling to me that this song went through numerous people to be released, especially knowing that a large part of Liam’s fan base consists of young, queer women from his days in the band. 

It should never have been a surprise that the reception was bad; the people who are upset about it are allowed to be upset, and their feelings are valid. In a world where bisexual and pansexual people are constantly fetishised, it’s a kick in the face for some people. I’m pan, and while personally I wasn’t overly offended by the song, I did cringe at a couple of bits, and I have no right to tell other people how they should or shouldn’t feel. 

To me, there’s a couple of options as to what happened here:

- It was genuinely just a gross misjudgement on everyone’s behalf. People make mistakes. I hate cancel culture. At the moment, if this is the case and they all genuinely didn’t think it would be this bad, I’m not sure if Liam addressing it would be a good thing, or if it’d just make things worse. If he apologises, it’s going to seem disingenuous to a large number of people, but if he doesn’t, it’s like he doesn’t care at all about the people that’ve been hurt. It’s not a good place to be in. 

- It was a purposeful song put into his album by his team to push his narrative. Liam’s in a shit spot at the moment. A very large majority of the media attention leading up to his album used negative promo, like his ‘relationship’ with M*ya and the fight at the bar during Thanksgiving. Aside from very recently, Liam’s team have been a nightmare, and it’s frustrating when people can’t see that he’s in a situation just as bad as some of the other men. Would I be surprised if this explanation is the correct one? Abso-fucking-lutely not. I’ll touch on it a bit more in the next bit though. 

No matter what, the song was not a good decision, and was not going to go down well. Alllll of this leads onto…

How it affects Liam’s image

I’m separating this into three parts to explain it the way I think I need to; the part of the fandom who believes he’s queer and closeted, the part of the fandom who don’t, and the general public.

The part of the fandom that believe Liam is queer and closeted

Liam’s image hasn’t changed here. This whole thing has made this section of the fandom angry, frustrated, and sad. At a time when everyone should be able to just relax and enjoy Liam’s new album, we’re bombarded from all over the internet with people trying to cancel him. Angry because Liam is being absolutely attacked, especially at a time when he’s just spoken about how fragile his mental health is, and because there’s quite a few hypocrites around at the moment. Frustrated because there’s nothing that can really be done at this point, and when it comes to Liam, people never seem to care as much as they should. Sad because we love him so much and he deserves such good things, and people never seem to care enough to recognise that.

It’s also frustrating that people can’t, or refuse to, realise that Liam is just as closeted, has had just as much PR bullshit including at the moment, and suffered through forced interview after forced interview, and been made to say a million things. It’s also important to note that if Harry can have a stunt song, and Louis can have a stunt song, Liam can also have a song (even if not directly stunt related) added to his album to push through his current narrative. They’re different situations, different songs, and different explanations, but they all have the same running cause. Just something to think about. 

The part of the fandom that don’t think that

Fuck me, I never realised how massive a chunk of this fandom there is that does not give a shit about Liam James Payne. Can’t relate, but okay. In terms of his image here, it kinda depends; for some people, they’re not fussed enough to pay attention, but that can mean that they’ll just believe he’s an arsehole here because they can’t be fucked to look into it. People don’t have to be invested in all five of them, of course they don’t, but it might be a big negative here. 

For other people, the ones that seem to hate him for some reason, this adds so much more fuel to the fire. There’s a lot of people currently calling him out for homophobic things he said about Harry, which I’ve spoken about before but can’t find my own damn post but the masterpost I tagged at the start of this mentions it a tiny bit. When this swirled up again recently in the last month or so, which interesting timing, the media ran a TONNE of articles about how Liam had been talking shit about Harry. Harry liked the very next tweet Liam posted, even though it had nothing to do with him or the situation, and Harry wasn’t just on a liking spree. It seemed very much like a ‘hey, don’t worry, we’re all okay, don’t believe this shit’. This section of the fandom is exceptionally unlikely to change their mind about him unfortunately. 

I spoke about this very recently, but the fact that people can’t see Liam’s situation for what it is, and can see the others, is beyond frustrating because the patterns are INCREDIBLY similar, and there’s very similar situations. 

Also, Liam and Louis’ friendship is 100% legit. They’re very close. If there’s anyone out there who loves Louis and thinks he’s closeted, but hates Liam, do you really think Louis would love Liam so much if this was really who he was? Someone who doesn’t care about the community that Louis is obviously so fiercely proud of, and someone who talks legitimate shit about Louis’ partner? Of course he wouldn’t, because Liam is also closeted and stuck in a shit situation and made to say things in interviews to stir up One Direction drama for the media. Speaking of the media though…

The general public

When I woke up this morning and Mar told me about the hashtag that was trending on Twitter, I was instantly so emotional, for a lot of reasons. As I said before, I hate cancel culture in the easy way it exists. People are allowed to make a mistake, or slip up, or make a wrong move; everyone is human. It’s how they respond to it that should change things. 

There’s a couple of problems here, though.

- Liam can’t really respond to it in the way he needs to. Like I said before, I don’t know whether it’d be better or worse for him to talk about it. The only genuine way he could is to come clean about everything, and he can’t fucking very well do that, can he? So the apology will just be a lie, and people probably won’t believe it anyway. 

- People are more willing to forgive someone if it’s one mistake, but Liam’s team have fucked with his image so much that to the general public, it’s not one mistake. We know they’re not real, but if we step back from the fandom and try to look at it through the eyes of someone who knows not very much about him and only knows what the media pushes, it’s a slightly horrifying image. 

When I speak to my friends about Liam, people often think he’s arrogant, conceited, and your standard ‘gym bro’. The GP may remember the times he was made to say homophobic things, and if they don’t remember, they’re reminded in every new article. They see him as the young guy who dated a woman in her mid 30’s and got her pregnant, and who hardly sees his ‘son’ and therefore is a deadbeat ‘dad’. They see him now as the man in his mid 20’s who’s ‘dating’ a teenager, and the articles I’ve seen today all mention her, some mentioning the debate about her age and others trying to say the song is about her even though it was being written about three years ago. They see him as a man who has fights outside bars, and are told it was because of his underage ‘girlfriend’. They see him as an artist who sings about getting wasted, sex, and being rich. 

I know I’m setting a bleak image, anon, and I’m sorry, I am. I don’t believe a single word of the above obviously, and NO ONE should, but it’s the reality of the situation for the GP, and it shouldn’t be pushed to the back as if we should only blame other sections of the fandom for his image, or that this isn’t, realistically, how it looks for Liam right now. 

We know Liam as the kind, sweet, caring, protective, talented, queer man that’s been there for us through his music and his words, who’s been there for the boys the entire time since the band started, who’s suffered through addiction and mental health problems to come out the other side stronger than ever. 

They don’t know that, anon, and I don’t know what Liam will do to come back from this massive of a social media hit. There’s numerous articles slamming him, the hashtag trended for almost a whole day in Australia at least, and for some of the GP, it’s the final thing in a long list of bullshit that Liam’s supposedly done. Each article mentions all of the above things again too, and Apple Music even mentions Ch*yl and B*ar directly by name. 

I’m hoping for his sake that in a few days, this will all blow over, and it’ll be handled the way it needs to be handled. The problem is that I don’t know what the right way to handle it is. 

I think he’ll be okay. I believe he’ll be okay, I do, but I think in terms of the GP, he has a way to go. I want the very best for Liam, always, and I will always continue to love and support him. Everyone else should too, because right now, he needs it from us more than ever.

[thisyearingaming]

1997 - This Year in Gaming

Muggins here was born in ‘97, and can’t really remember much of it, natch. But there were some good things released this year - I’ve played every one of these, and have missed so many more.

Diablo - Windows, January 3rd

We start with dungeon-crawl-em-up and well-loved out of season April Fool’s Joke, Diablo. I’ll be totally honest - I don’t like Diablo that much. It’s absolutely fine, I just can’t get into it. The writing, setting and characters are all very good especially since this year only marks the beginning of games being seen as a bit more adult and intelligent. Check out this gameplay from Hour of Oblivion on YouTube, and marvel at the faux-Scottish accent on Griswold the blacksmith.

Mario Kart 64 - Nintendo 64, February 10th

Compared to its more recent versions, Mario Kart 64 is a veritable bloody relic of the past - solid controls and a quirky style mean it’s still a crowd pleaser to this day, but you’d be hard pressed to find anyone right now that would die on the hill of it being their favourite single-player racing experience. It’s also got some of the deepest, impenetrable lore in any medium known to the human race - why exactly is Marty the Thwomp locked up here?

Blast Corps - Nintendo 64, February 28th

February’s position as most boring month of the year is shaken up a bit by having a uniquely designed Rare game slammed into its 28-day long face. Blast Corps is the puzzle-action game where you take control of several vehicles to destroy homes and buildings in order to prevent a nuclear warhead exploding in the coolest incarnation of Cold War politicking ever seen in a video game. Calling Blast Corps a “hidden gem” these days is like calling Celeste a hidden gem - it impresses nobody and makes you look like a dick. 

Turok: Dinosaur Hunter - Nintendo 64, March 4th 

The N64 was home to a surprisingly large number of above-average shooters despite its muddy graphics and small cartridge space - Turok is one of these, a great FPS game where you shoot the SHIT out of dinosaurs. Brett Atwood of Billboard said it was like Doom and Tomb Raider mixed - Doom Raider, if you will. I say it isn’t - there’s no demons, and there’s no polygonal breasts to poke dinosaurs’ eyes out with! 

Castlevania: Symphony of the Night - Sony PlayStation, March 20th

What is a retrospective? A miserable little pile of opinions. I’ve only recently played through SotN for the very first time on a TOTALLY LEGITIMATE copy with a CRT filter. Bloody good (geddit?) game, that takes the repetition of its predecessors, improves on it in basically every conceivable way, and combines it with special effects and graphics that even 23 years later had me going “ooh, that looks quite good!” Symphony’s music and audio design are wonderfully paired with a deeply enjoyable experience that’ll have you saying “mm, maybe just one more room?”

Tekken 3 - Sony PlayStation, March 20th

Also releasing from the Land of the Rising Sun that day was Tekken 3, which many believe is still one of the best fighters ever made. Tekken 3′s combat is so fast and responsive that it’s better than some games made today. T3 is also the best and easiest way to knock seven shades of absolute shite out of your friends without risking a massive head injury or a trip to the headmaster’s office... where you could also challenge him, but only if he plays as my favourite Not-Guile-or-Ken character in gaming, Paul. 

Sonic Jam - Sega Saturn, June 20th

The moment Sega realised that re-packaging old Mega Drive games would net them serious cash - although unlike later collections, this is a strictly Sonic affair, and has a neat little 3D world to run around in as a sort of hub world. Sonic X-Treme proved that Sonic Team would have to work hard at getting the fastest thing alive into 3D space properly: Jam is the sort of test ground for it too. It features some genuinely good emulation work for 1997, although it’s basically the gaming equivalent of going round to your grandparents at Christmas only for them to give you the exact same gifts you got in 1991, 1992 and 1994 but wrapped in a bow to make you think it’s different. What are you lookin’ at, you little blue devil?

Star Fox 64 - Nintendo 64, June 30th

So there’s this German company, right, called StarVox. Nintendo look at Europe and say “shit, we don’t want another lawsuit... after all, we’ve done three this year!”. So they give us in the PAL region the exciting title of Lylat Wars which as far as I know means absolutely fucking nothing in the context of the game. They’re still called Star Fox in-game too so what was the point? Anyway, fun 3D shooter with graphics that’ll make you do a barrel roll off the sofa and onto the power button to make the brown and green blurs a little easier on the eyes. Hello 2007, I’ve come back to make old references with you!

Carmageddon - Windows, July 30th

The game so scary it was BANNED in the UK! More like the game so fucking shit it was banned. Carmageddon is so deeply boring to play on PC that I can only imagine that Stainless Games made it tasteless by 90s standards simply to ramp up demand - much like another game we’ll be covering soon. 

Herc’s Adventures - Sony PlayStation, July 31st

“And they said Kratos was the best hero? Shish... they got it wrong, sister! Hercules is clearly better... he even has a coconut weapon.” A surprisingly fun overhead action game that most people only know for... well, I’ll just embed it.

Mega Man X4 - Sony Playstation, August 1st

A few years ago I tried playing every Mega Man game there is - I gave up at X3 because I was getting bored. Even still, Mega Man bores me - but at least the level design is good. Stay away from the Windows port. Pictured: me in the background yawning.

GoldenEye 007 - Nintendo 64, August 25th 

The name’s Intro. Overused intro which I also managed to fuck up twice through the deeply editable medium of text. GoldenEye is like the Seinfeld of console shooters - playing it nowadays you’re unlikely to be amazed but holy shit there’s some absolute greatness in this game. Every sound and every piece of music in GoldenEye is permanently seared into my brain - sometimes I’ll just hear Facility or Frigate in my head alongside the door opening sound and the gentle PEW of the PP7. I mean come on, fucking listen to this and tell me Grant Kirkhope isn’t cool as all hell.

LEGO Island - Windows, September 26th

The first open world experience I ever had was LEGO Island. It’s still quite good today, utterly deranged animation from the likes of the Infomaniac and Brickster - a cautionary tale for children that giving pizza to high-profile criminals is disastrous for the human LEGO race. 

Fallout - Windows, October 10th

War never changes, but franchises do. Fallout’s legendary status in the industry is exemplified in how different it feels. Yes, we had the game Wasteland nine years prior, but until September 97 there was nothing quite like Fallout. From the chilling introduction sequence showing the ruins of the United States to the tragic ending, Fallout is an exercise in pure human misery with the brightest spots of hope it can possibly muster thrown in for good measure. What begins as a tedious isometric point-and-click RPG ends as a minigun-wielding power fantasy, before your entire worth is stripped from you at the finish line. You have 500 days to find a water chip before it’s too late, but you’re constantly being fought by terrifying Super Mutants, irradiated animals, and the biggest monster of all - humanity. See what I did there? If anything, humanity in Fallout’s setting would be the greatest unifying force possible against the horror of the outside world. But how is it? It’s dull, it’s sluggish, and it’s really hard to get into even if you’re already a fan - but push through that and it’s worthwhile to see exactly how far the series got before Todd Howard said “eh fuck it” and had the whole thing dipped into an FEV vat.

Grand Theft Auto - Sony PlayStation, October 21st

To put it simply, the first in the GTA series is now nothing but a novelty. It has an irritating camera, wonky controls, poor graphics and deeply repetitive gameplay. But thank fuck it exists, because without it the Rockstar story may have been very different indeed. It’s quintessential cops and robbers gameplay, spanning across Liberty City, Vice City and San Andreas in one game, but with maps so far removed from their modern incarnations they may as well be named “Not New York, Possibly Bristol and Orange Town”. People really fucking hated Hare Krishnas in the 20th Century, didn’t they?

Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back - Sony PlayStation, October 31

A hard one to talk about, honestly - it’s more Crash and better than the first one. It looks great, and Crash controls so well compared to his first outing. It’ll also keep you playing for 100%, fiendishly addictive and unashamedly difficult. Had a weird cover that moved with your head. 

PaRappa the Rapper - Sony PlayStation, November 17th

Type type type the words into the box! (Type, type, type - uh oh - the box?)

PaRappa is a gorgeously stylised rhythm game about rapping to steal the heart of the girl of your dreams - which involves learning karate, getting your driver’s license, selling bottle caps and frogs, making a cake, desperately trying not to shit yourself, and finally performing live on stage. Every one of its segments is so well-produced that they’d genuinely sell like ghost cookies in this era of shite rap. Notable for producing the greatest Jay-Z backing track ever made.

Sonic R - Sega Saturn, November 18th

Sonic R is absolutely FINE with vibrant textures, interesting levels, neat gimmicks and decent controls. But I’m gonna talk about its fucking AWESOME soundtrack by Richard Jacques and T.J. Davis, an eclectic mix of Europop and New Jack Swing - even thinking about it is bringing tears of absolute joy to my eyes hearing Super Sonic Racing in my head. You’ve got the main theme, Living in the City, Can You Feel the Sunshine, Back in Time, Diamond in the Sky, Work It Out and Number One - all of these are absolute club bangers and genuinely wouldn’t be out of place in a 90s disco. 

Tomb Raider II - Sony PlayStation, November 18th

Lara Croft returns to single-handedly endanger every species on Earth. TR2 is really good, the exploration and puzzle-solving aspects of the first game expanded upon here and the gunplay remaining just as punchy. Lara’s got a fully-functioning ponytail which absolutely boggles the fucking mind - a lot of work went into Lara’s hair for the 2013 reboot, so I can’t imagine the amount of man hours it took to get fluid(ish, come on, it’s the PS1 we’re talking about) hair movements in 1997. 

And really, that’s all I played from 1997. I’ve left out big hitters like Quake II, Gran Turismo and Diddy Kong Racing, but I simply haven’t formed an opinion on them yet. Maybe in a future post. 

Thanks for reading.

[hollywoodx4]

You all asked for another set of my trash human Hadestown hot takes so.....

I think maybe I should just start from the beginning and go from there, and sprinkle some details in when I think about them. And since you’ve mentioned before that detail is a good thing, I’m going to try really hard to articulate the 500 versions of “I can’t” and “She did that” and “UM” and “GIRL” Also as always, I apologize, but this is honestly a lot of Eva and Reeve heavy content. I love all of the cast, they are all so phenomenally talented and wonderful, but as usual my mind has chosen to hyper-focus on two things so this is what it is.)

(So. I’m thankful for this platform because before my notes were ALL “Um” and “Girl” and now you guys are motivating me to actually write what I’ve been thinking about non-stop all day on my one hour of sleep. So. Thank you! I went about labeling every song-and I actually end up having thoughts for every one, because I went back and listened through and wrote down what I could remember/the things I thought were relevant for the people that won’t be able to see it outside of the boot that literally everyone but me has at this point).

This is only act I. This is a loooooong hot take. This is a lot of Eva and Reeve specific commentary. This is just a lot of commentary. I think it’d be cool/beneficial/whatever to listen as you read? LOL thanks for coming to my actual, legitimate 5 page essay on Act I.

So. My overarching thought of the night (and, actually, I think I mentioned this when I was there two weeks ago too) is that Eva has been playing an incredibly soft Eurydice lately. Compared to when I was there for previews in April, or even back in August, it seems like each time I’ve gone back she just gets softer and softer, and it’s made me so incredibly happy to see her characterization grow. I do see Eurydice as someone who has been through a lot, and does have that tougher skin, and I think that Eva does a fantastic job in representing that in Any Way the Wind Blows. She keeps her voice strong and consistent, and has this look on her face that’s a cross between worry, wavering confidence, and just this tough shell of a girl who’s trying not to look like she’s given up. And this works so incredibly well when she meets Orpheus. Because I’m telling you, the flip in her demeanor happens in the most noticeably beautiful way during Wedding Song. But first, let’s talk about the fact that I’m not sure who decided that it’d be a good idea that Eva play with fire during this song, and aesthetically it’s just such a MOMENT to see Eurydice looking bored, head down on her arms on the table, eyes wide and uninterested/exhausted/hungry as she runs each of her fingers through the flame (and, at times, pauses to inspect the finger she’s just put into the fire, rub it against another finger or the table, and then begin her game again) I don’t know why this has become one of my favorite things about the staging but? I imagine this being something Eurydice just does sometimes to keep herself from thinking about how hungry she is, and it becomes a habit so that in the iteration where they both make it out of Hadestown and live happily ever after Eurydice just does this one time and makes poor Orpheus jump out of his skin worried that she’s somehow going to send herself back down by doing this. Because they still are walking on eggshells about the fact that they made it out and here she is playing with fire, LITERALLY. Okay, moving on....

So. What I like about Wedding Song live is that her speaking voice just. It’s a bit higher, softer. She still carries the teasing tone, but there’s just this incredulous lift in “is he always like this?” and a lot of laughter in “Oooh, he’s crazy.” and Reeve plays Orpheus so sweet and innocent that you can’t help but feel bad for this bumbling idiot stumbling over himself at this beautiful girl sitting there looking completely cool and collected. But. There’s a beautiful thing about the composition and balance Eva is able to maintain in that you can see that Eurydice is openly intrigued, but keeps herself guarded in a playful sort of way. Almost like she can’t keep herself guarded and wants to let her guard down. Her smile kills me over and over again during this scene. Again, Eva’s Eurydice has turned into quite the small, beautiful romantic and I just am so in love with everything that she has subtly changed and morphed, the girl is an absolute QUEEN.

Also, I can’t go any further without saying a big THANKS to Eva for making me cry the SECOND I heard her start to sing Any Way the Wind Blows and just continue that train all night long. What a fucking night.

Okay, so my favorite thing about Epic I is the sheer power that small boy Orpheus has in singing his la laas for the first time. I remember distinctly having the most goosebumps the first time I witnessed this back in April, and every single time it just. Leaves me breathless. And I think now that it’s been a few times, the goosebumps come from knowing how significant this melody will be throughout the show. But Reeve’s facial expressions as he sings them? Make you believe that la is the most important syllable in the dictionary. He closes his eyes and just feels the music and plays his guitar and he is just so phenomenally talented that WOW. Also my favorite small part of this song is that during my favorite line “with them the cycle of the seed and the sickle, etc.” he spins in circles while playing and singing and just. It’s the smallest amount of choreography that feels the most necessary, as if it’s Orpheus becoming so enraptured with the music that he has to move! And it’s in the middle of the tables that are in the “bar,” with the workers and Eurydice looking on and watching him tell this tale. It all feels so incredibly genuine-it makes you believe that Orpheus singing to the workers is something they’ve witnessed, almost something they look forward to when they come to the bar. I think it has to do with the fact that they’re all just watching him, intrigued but also settled in? As if this is routine, this is comfort, his songs are meant for them and for this little community he has. Even when he plays the first note of the Epic they’ve settled in and are sitting up watching him and listening intently. It gives his character a lot of soft power and dynamic without having to say anything, establishing him as an integral part of this life without so much as a word.

Uhhh Living it Up On Top is just my most favorite feel-good bop. Why? Because of the ensamble. Watching them dance is a blessing. It honestly feels like watching a fucking family reunion freestyle dance party every single time. You can physically see and feel how close this cast is; they make faces at each other, they laugh, and also this instrumental break included the Eva Noblezada booty drop which is EVERYTHING. And she also did a full leg extension kick this time which. Girl. Save some talent and cuteness for everyone else. I also find it extremely appropriate that during all of this kickass dancing and partying our boy Orpheus in all of his gangly, limbly qualities can be found sort of flitting around the stage, taking Persephone’s coat, then Eurydice’s, then putting things away and moving around giving out the cups to toast- like. It’s lowkey established in this scene that he’s 10/10 not the cool and effortless one in this relationship and is the cute small boy child. And I don’t know if that’s because I think that Eva’s really cool and charismatic and Reeve is a bit more shy in a crowd situation, but that’s 100% how this comes off to me/how I perceive the characterization and I’m here for it. And when the line “to the patroness of all of this, Persephone” came up Reeve was like 10 octaves higher than the cast recording, all squeaky and flustered. And then between that and his next line, he took a breath and smiled the big stupid baby Orpheus smile that makes him so charming-if you weren’t rooting for him before now you’re messed, but after the smile? And the high-toned, flustered rambling toast? Makes it impossible not to love him. (Also “to the world we dream about…” is my most favorite Hadestown quote so. I choked because every time I hear it, especially as genuine and sweet as Reeve says it as he looks out at the crowd, and then at the audience, is just. It makes you feel the reality that this show crosses with its messages and its story as a whole). And then after they drink their toast they all sputter and cough, and then the ending when they all sing “HOW ARE WE LIVING IT” it literally is so powerful and dynamic, I love this ensemble so fucking much. Their energy truly fuels the show. We are blessed.

OOOOHKAY CHILDREN BUCKLE UP FOR ME BEING DECEASED. Because All I’ve Ever Known? Um Eva, what the fuck? In a good way. In the way that the second she started singing I started crying immediately. Because I’ll say it again, she’s just become so soft and romantic that I can’t even handle it. The distinct memory I have from this song (where I literally almost hit my cousin because I went from heart-eyed staring with no breathing and my head in my hands like the stupid hopeless baby lesbian that I am to breathing everything in all at once and coughing a BIG cough of just. Literally just love.) During “You take me in your arms, and suddenly there’s sunlight all around me” Orpheus holds Eurydice with her back to him, and she opens her arms and sings about the sunlight. And I fucking SWEAR TO GOD the smile on her face. Like. Big, wide, eyes closed, you’d 100% fall in love with her the second you saw it too. I don’t know how you couldn’t. She just looks so incredibly happy and peaceful and this is the moment she completely drops her guard (although I’ll say that I believe a lot of it is dropped earlier along. But this moment is a transcendental experience) OH ALSO during the violin instrumental she literally does this like. Handstand split Over Reeve’s head that is so poetically beautiful (that entire choreography is, like. It really just makes the love feel so incredibly palpable, and the fact that this is the turning point of moments where suddenly there are NO MOMENTS where they’re not all over each other is just. It’s a moment.) And then they kiss and it’s flawless and I sob profusely at how beautifully done this entire choreography/moment/existence of two souls happens.

Way Down Hadestown also includes two of my favorite moments; Amber Gray dancing with her body at a 90 degree angle, head looking at the floor, and Orpheus and Eurydice peacing out and sitting to the side sharing a bar stool unable to keep themselves away from each other. Which. Is everything to the point where I literally told my cousin to watch them during this song. Because. His ear kisses (which. I hyperventilated about for like 3 paragraphs back in the beginning of October) are SO MUCH (so tender. So soft. The brushing back of the hair over her ears and the soft spoken words and the head on her head make me want to careen into an abyss and fall in love immediately) but I love them with all of my heart, he is so soft and gentle and it literally feels like such a moment being intruded upon that this is the way these two characters were meant to be played and I will accept nothing else. Also, Eva’s little minor chord, jazzy vocal moment during the last “way down under the GROOOOOOOUND is so beautifully done, I can’t believe she exists and just acts like it’s not a big deal that she can just. Be that good. And I also love the way that this moment is staged; Hades and Persephone are standing on the center turntable, and at those last few “way down, Hadestown, way down under the ground” after “kind of makes you wonder how it feels,” right when it kicks back into the faster tempo the turntable starts to descend. And there’s some fog, and they all stand and watch them go under the ground, and when Eurydice sings the last “way down under…she moves closer to the now hole in the ground and looks deeper, as if she’s so curious as to what is going on.

A Gathering Storm/Epic II I just like that in the OBC recording, Eurydice sounds kind of salty when she says “well, until someone brings the world back into tune, this is how it is.” But I think that it’s perceived more as a kind of matter-of-fact thing, as if watching Persephone descend has brought her back into her shell a little bit, set off some anxieties. She shrugs her shoulders and looks complacent, as if to tell him without as many words that she’s done this before, this is old news, this is going to happen. And when he says “he came for her too soon,” it’s rushed and quiet, but frantic, as if the entire weight of the situation immediately has been cast on his shoulders. And for the most part, that’s all I’ve got for him. The real superstar in this scene is the fucking imagery used to introduce the workers, and the symbolism of the workers AS THE WALL.  So, when he says “With a million hands, he built a wall” the workers ascend from the center turntable in that really tight knit formation we’ve all seen pictures of and it’s just. Watching them in their uniforms come up as he’s talking about this big, brilliant wall and the workers begin to move in unison, then begin their chanting???? The lighting changes, the entire feel changes just based on the workers chanting and really having this ferociously unified choreography. And the most intense facial expressions ever. And they move from the center turntable to the outsides, and then fucking Hades and Persephone come up when the transition happens to Chant and it’s. All you need to completely transform a set is the lighting change, the workers, and the turntable. It’s the most incredible thing to witness this and feel like you’re in a completely different place.

Also, I just always feel for Eurydice in this moment. Because. She’s trying so hard to communicate with Orpheus, who’s standing at the bar stool they’d had their moment at during Way Down Hadestown writing this song, and you can see that she’s trying to be supportive but when she says “is he always like this?” it’s just. Exhaustion. And she says it so much more quiet and defeated than she does on the OBC. It’s heartbreaking. Because at the same point you’re watching Orpheus struggle to write this song, closing his eyes and tapping his feet and just trying to feel and let that feeling translate him into the rest of this song but it just won’t come, and you can see his growing frustration in his furrowed brow and his closed eyes. What I noticed is that during Eva’s little solos “Trying to trust that the song he’s working on is gonna shelter us…” / “I’m trying to believe that the song he’s working on is gonna harbor me from the wind” She hasn’t gone up on the last little phrase like she does on the OBC, which is one of the things I find to be so powerful on the OBC. And it’s still beautiful, but I’m wondering why she’s seemingly been choosing to go down instead of have that little moment of vocal power. OH ALSO. When she says “Give that back! It’s everything we have!” Her voice was BROKEN. And by that I mean she sounded so worried and devastated that. It just. Her voice was cracking as she pleaded for the fates to leave her alone and it was so immensely wonderful, but heartbreaking. Because as she struggles with the fates and their winds, and they rip her possessions from her one by one, she shrinks further into herself as she tries to buck up and continue fighting. But you can see as each thing gets taken (her backpack, her coat, etc) she grows more and more devastated and frightened. And then when they take her jacket, and she has nothing left, and she sings “SHEEEELTER US, HAAAARBOR ME!” She’s on her knees with her head in her hands, rocking back and forth and it is torturous to witness because you just want to cry for her. And Eva’s such a fucking powerhouse that you can feel the raw emotion, the fear and the devastation, and it just consumes. It’s amazing to be broken by Eva Noblezada over and over again, and that’s what she does this entire show. She is phenomenal.

Hey, Little Songbird is a song I don’t really have a lot of notes for. But the one note I do have is that Patrick Page makes everyone so in awe and also slightly frightened or incredibly woke (the amount of small whispers in the audience that compare him to a certain man of political power are to be expected, but always are significant) He also just. Skeeves me out so much in this song, and Eurydice is so broken already that it’s kind of like. She’s resigned and having trouble making sense out of anything that life has just thrown at her, and she keeps going to hold herself because she’s cold and hungry and tortured, and she just. Honestly, she makes the choice seem like one that Eurydice had to make because she looks so lost and hungry and upset and unable to hold herself up anymore that the choice doesn’t seem like a misguided one.

When the Chips are Down If I could have as much talent in my body as these girls have in their pinky finger I’d be set for life. Also, now’s a good time to mention that I had the extreme pleasure of seeing Jessie Shelton step in as a fate and it just. It was a wonderful experience, that girl is incredible. I saw her in August as Eurydice and she did a fantastic job (my only note back then had been that her chemistry with Reeve hadn’t been as strong, but I loved what she did with Eurydice-making her more badass and thick-skinned and over-it and also I genuinely don’t think that the Reeve-Eva chemistry can be matched.) But the flawless nature of these three souls singing together and just. Being the shit-eating-grin, fun to fuck you up, take no prisoners voices inside of your head? It just furthers the interpretation that they are the voices in your head amplified, because while they’re sort of doing their mockery of Eurydice/pushing her for her choice/etc. she covers her ears at one point they’re taunting her and it just. It feels to me as they’re pushing her around that they’re the personification of the battle inside of her heart as well, and she can’t escape the turmoil.

Gone, I’m Gone Me crying because I knew Wait for Me was coming so I was digging through my bag for my tissues and gently laying some on my cousin’s lap. (she hadn’t done a full listen-through of Hadestown before either, so I just. Gently prepared her for what was to come without saying a single word.

Wait for Me Okay, how detailed can I go? I don’t know how to fully capture the immense, all-encompassing, my heart is literally stopped inside of my chest but also full-on beating heavy as possible feeling. The second the first notes started the tears started pouring. I have such a fond memory of seeing this for the first time that every time afterward, I just. MY body kicks into this mode of complete and utter captivation. I’m also an empath so getting to experience a room full of people on the edge of their seats, dead silence, utter captivation and zero breath…..I will never forget this feeling. When I saw Hadestown back in April while it was still in previews, this song was given a 3 minute standing ovation….everyone was just struck and unable to handle the raw emotion. And it still rings true to this day-I was clutching my tissue with such force, watching the lights swing and the workers and their lamps through my tears. The most powerful moment is when the workers come out with their headlamps, and it gets dark-you wonder where you’re being transported to next. It’s a tethering atmosphere. And then, when they plug the lamps in and send them up? When the lamps begin swinging and their lights swing over the audience, casting this brilliant movement and shadow into the air? It holds so much mystery and hope and it gives off this incredible, indescribable power. And the power of the chorus singing along with him? It doesn’t feel like they’re the workers singing along. It feels like Orpheus’s love is so strong and so powerful that the workers are actually just his voice amplifying and exploding and CAREENING AND CREATING ALL OF THIS FUCKING POWER FROM HIS SONG AND HIS LOVE. And also, during the la la las around 1:40 on the OBC recording, when it gets soft and quiet, that’s when the lamps go up into the air, and there’s a rumbling and some fog and the set sort of opens up to reveal sections of bright lights that glow warm, and red. He’s opening the fucking stone wall with his song, people, and it’s the most brilliantly moving staging I have ever seen. Again, you don’t need one million props to captivate an audience. It’s the way the story is told and the music is composed and everything working together. I love this. I love that nothing distracts from the moment, that the las and the workers elevating his voice and the movement of the set and the lights and the fog all come together as one coherent set piece instead of parts of a working machine. It feels so natural that you believe that Orpheus is actually opening the wall with his voice. This piece of theatre is so transcendental that you forget that you’re not actually there. Props to Reeve Carney for existing because the way he performs this song is just so captivating and pure, and you can see the desperation in his eyes but you can also hear it in his voice; it’s more strained (not in a bad or unhealthy way at all, I just mean that it’s like. The culmination of his efforts from the Epic and how hard he was concentrating have elevated his power and he’s just fully unleashing it) You can physically see what I believe-that this strain, this hurt and this hope and this desperation are what lead him to opening the wall. He was able to do it because as he was singing, he was clearly just hurt and so damn determined that he just. He had this red-cheeked, hard-lipped expression while he sang and his body (which I lovingly describe as gangly and limbly) is just. In a power stance. Like. You fully believe in the power of this man during this song, he gives it everything and he is a good portion of the reason it carries its power so immensely through the audience. There’s not a dry eye in the house after. And what I love is the collective, disbelieving mumblings of “oh my god” or “wow” or “he’s incredible” that echo through the room as the applause happens (and lingers, and lingers, until Why We Build the Wall cues us to take a fucking breath) (and the subsequent chatter of people basically asking if what they just watched was real, unable to not mention it during intermission).

Why We Build the Wall This is another one of my all-time favorite Hadestown songs. It just hits so hard. And for a while in the very beginning, I wondered why they didn’t end Act I with Wait for Me. I understand now. I don’t think I fully appreciated this song during my first few listen-throughs, and possibly not even after the first time I saw it. I think that this song deserves to be there because while Wait for Me has a lot of emotional lift and power and just pure mass to it, Why We Build the Wall holds its power differently. It makes the audience kind of shift in their seats, come back to the world we are in, kind of step back from the beautiful show of powerful love and hope and dedication that is Wait for Me and remember that oh, this is what’s going on on the other side. This is the man that’s trying to take everything away from Orpheus. And Patrick Page is such a gently commanding presence during this song-he is strong, and powerful, but in a way that feels scarily easy to him; like he is so confident in his power that it translates to this easy, call-and-response conversation because he knows his workers have no choice but to answer him and to appease him. Also the workers? In this song? Are a sheer force of nature. They look to the audience as they respond to each phrase Hades sings with these set-in-stone, serious, hardened expressions that match each other, and are perfectly in-synch. That’s what terrifies me about the Workers, is that they are so in tune to each other that it truly is like watching a wall, or a well-oiled machine. They do such a beautiful job in creating this sense of unease that this song was absolutely meant to be the ending of act I; they drive you to tears and ferocious emotion with Wait for Me, but they keep you unsettled and uncomfortable and stirred by Why We Build the Wall. And that, my friends, is why this musical was nominated for and won so many Tony’s. Because of it’s ability to make you feel, to ponder and to talk and to interpret. This show is so unique, and wonderful, and full of incredible things that I am always just in awe of it every time I see it.

Carry-Over notes: I skipped around a lot of my notes from the night of the show just because I couldn’t fit the less articulate with my actual thoughts post-show. I listened to the entirety of Act I while doing this, and took notes to the best of my ability and what I could remember.

·        Eva Noblezada is such a soft human being, she is a treasure to this earth and I fully support everything she’s done with Eurydice thus far; soft doesn’t mean weak, and she translates that really well to the way she chooses to carry her. She is a strong woman, but she is so fucking in love that she is also so soft and pure. But you still wouldn’t fuck her up ever

·        A good chunk of my notes from that night are about how Reeve singing the la laas in Epic I is a transcending experience, and how his soft and genuine and gentle expression made me break down immediately, and it can be felt in your soul.

·        I also mention about 100 times that Reeve is 10/10 the only boy who has my heart because he is so artistically passionate and just really really fucking good at what he does (and so, so soft especially in the Orphrydice moments and what I’m calling his making Orpheus canonically obsessed with kissing Eurydice’s ear/side of cheek/neck it is THE SOFTEST MOST PURE THING)

So sorry. This is the longest of ramblings. But you asked for details and honestly I’m really excited to be able to have these long ass notes to save and keep with my playbills to show in the future with my kids or the patrons of the Broadway themed café I want to open when I’m a mid 40s lesbian with a wife and maybe some adopted kids.

[suits-of-woe]

Hi! Multiples of 4 for Edmund on the headcanon ask??? Thank you so much!❤️

Thank you!!! I know I never shut up about my boy, thank you for continuing to enable me. This is gonna be really, really long I can’t wait…

I’ll tag @princess-of-france too :)

4. What would they do if they needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy?

I don’t really feel like Edmund cooks. He’s practical but he’s also rich and has better things to do, so I imagine his diet is like 50% black coffee and energy bars he keeps stashed around the house and 50% super expensive meals he manages to make other people pay for. So in that case he’d probably just eat one of the aforementioned energy bars (or ask some even-richer woman out to dinner for the night, cause he’s like that).

8. Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulging

Oh man. Sex. SO much sex. To the point where it’s a legitimate problem, even though he doesn’t see it as one. The thing is, I don’t think he’s super pro-indulgence as a rule – in fact, he probably looks down on people who don’t have good self-control, especially when it comes to things that are proven to be bad, like over-eating or smoking or things like that. But sex doesn’t fall into that category for him, all the reasons he’s been told to avoid it he sees as moralist bullshit, and it’s fun and it’s not hurting anyone so fuck you, why shouldn’t he do it? The issue is deep down sex is also a huge coping mechanism for him, and the only way he knows how to deal with his intense obsession with affection without just 100% repressing it all the time or, worse, being emotionally vulnerable. But I don’t think he realizes how much it’s become a psychological need for him, and how hard it would be to stop. It’s not that he couldn’t stop, he’d say. It’s just that stopping is exactly what all those moralist assholes he hates would want him to do, so why should he?

12. Favorite book genre?

Edgy social commentary probs. I don’t picture Edmund really being the type to read much fiction, but at the same time, I think certain books mean a lot to him. He’s spent his whole life concealing his controversial views on religion, fate, society, sex, basically everything from Gloucester (and to a lesser extent Edgar) in favor of putting on the guise of a perfect traditionally moral son so I think being able to deal with all those hidden ideas through reading about then would really help. He’s probably got a whole hidden stash somewhere in his room he knows his father will never find.

16. Biggest and smallest long term goal?

His biggest long term goal is just to rise to the top as much as he can. I don’t think he’s the kind of person who likes to set limits on his own ambition – he looks at opportunities one step at a time, but if the doors keep opening, who is he to stop? If he can be Gloucester’s heir? Great. If he can overthrow Gloucester entirely? Better. If he can become king? Best of all, but hell, even then he might not stop. Smallest? Ummm idk maybe get his space totally organized. I feel like he’s the kind of person whose organization never quite catches up with his work, and he always says he’s got better things to do than shuffle papers around, but it secretly kind of drives him crazy so he’d like to be totally neat someday.

20. Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them?

I imagine Edmund has always been pretty robust and healthy (unlike Edgar, probably) and never really got sick that often, even as a kid. That said, on the rare occasion that he did, I think it was a really bad time for him. Cause like I’ve talked about a million times I think Edmund is very driven by his constant deep need for affection, but it’s the kind of thing he can usually repress on a day-to-day basis as long as all his inhibitions are intact. When they aren’t intact, 9 times out of 10 it’s because he’s drunk/high, which is almost always in some kind of party setting, which means he’s pretty much guaranteed to be able to find someone to at least make out with for a bit to make those feelings go away. But if he’s sick enough to be feverish, it’s pretty much the only time he’s both emotionally uninhibited and unable to use sex as a coping mechanism, and it doesn’t go well. Plus with Edgar being more fragile (and, in my headcanon, his mother dying from sickness at an early age too) Gloucester pretty much keeps all members of the family away from him for fear of anything spreading, so he’s pretty much all alone and left with all that unadulterated loneliness he’s not used to feeling half this much and it’s bad. It’s really bad. He tries not to think about it.

24. Is there one subject of study that they excel at? Or do they even care about intellectual pursuits at all?

He’s honestly ahead of the curve in pretty much every subject. He’s a brilliant silver-tongued wordsmith, he’s a super logic and evidence-driven thinker which I think would make him great at math and science, he’s athletic too, and just generally sharp and good at picking up new things. The only thing I think he’d be bad at is any interpretation of art (and to a lesser extent literature) because I think he’d get too frustratingly literal about it – it’s just lines on a page, dammit, it doesn’t mean anything, people will try to find patterns out of anything but the real world is meaningless and there’s nothing really there. In terms of what interests him the most though, it’s politics, which is what drives him insane because that’s the one thing he’ll never be allowed to pursue.

28. Who do they see as their best friend? Their worst enemy?

Depends on the era of his life. I don’t think he has anyone he considers even a real friend, let alone a best friend, when we see him in the play. When he was younger he would have said Edgar, but that ship sailed a long time ago. Now, he doesn’t really do genuine friendship. There are people he likes, but no one he wouldn’t throw under the bus in a heartbeat if that’s what it took. Similarly, I think he tries not to see anyone as his worst enemy. It’s the world that’s his enemy, and society, and it’s a matter of a lot more than taking down one person to beat that. But really, I think it’s Gloucester he hates more than anyone. That part of the plan is more personal than he’d probably admit.

32. Thoughts on material possessions in general?

He’s not big on them…until they become something he can’t have. Like he’s certainly not the overly-sentimental type to hang onto things he doesn’t need, and I think he sees a lot of material wealth and status symbols as really inherently shallow. But the second those shallow wealth and status symbols are denied him, or used to mark him as lesser, then he’ll be damned if he’s not getting his hands on them if it’s the last thing he does.

36. What makes them feel guilty?

People actually loving and respecting him on their own, not because he manipulated them or did them favors or somehow cheated to get their approval. So much of how he justifies everything he does is the fact that, as a bastard, he thinks he’ll never have half a shot at the advantages everyone else gets, so if he wants anyone to approve of him or admire him or show him affection he has to manipulate the hell out of them (or the situation in general) to get it. He’s convinced himself it’s the only way, so when that’s proven wrong, it rocks his world. There’s a reason “Yet Edmund was belov’d” comes the line before finally changes his mind and tries to do something good.

40. Would you say that they have a superiority-complex? Inferiority-complex? Neither?

Both? One? Or neither? Neither can be en- just kidding it’s BOTH and it’s a problem. He’s been looked down on his entire life for being a bastard and that cuts deep, it always has, no matter how hard he tries to shrug it off. He’ll never really get rid of the idea that he’s lesser, or at least everyone considers him lesser, so he has to claw his way to every bit of advantage and approval he can get. But he also really believes that birth means nothing, that merit and intelligence and survival of the fittest should determine who rises to the top, and in that respect…he maybe overcompensated. Because he also manages to be a raging narcissist who thinks he’s smarter than everyone around him (to be fair, he mostly is) and is entitled to anything he can win for himself.

44. Religion?

MY EDGY ATHEIST KING. I think he’s super anti-religion, and anti-spirituality even more so – just anything that involves people blaming their fates or their decisions on forces out of their control or pretending like anything is just “meant to be” makes him incredibly angry. That does fall under the category of things he won’t admit to preserve his image though, he’ll grit his teeth through whatever religious proceedings are required of him if it’s to his advantage.

48. How do they express love?

Ummm badly? He craves other people’s love constantly, but him actually being the one feeling Real Love isn’t something he’s really prepared to deal with, and it kind of makes him freak out. By the time he’s really headed down the road of executing his plans, I think the main way he expresses love is by trying to get the people he loves far, far away from him and this world and his path of destruction. On a more general note though like I said in that post I made a while ago I think his main love language is physical touch, so when he’s not in such a dark place that either results in lots of hugs or lots of sex depending on the person.

[rosymiel]

1-100.. bitch

oh FUCK you (im jk.. i love you..)

The meaning behind my url: i love french, and so i wanted to spice up my url and have it not be sims related from the get-go (my previous url was ughplumb). at first i wanted my url to be “cherry wine” in french because my favorite song of all time is cherry wine by hozier, however the url was already taken. i settled for rosy honey, hence rosymiel

A picture of me: honestly just look at my tag “kyla has a face”! i don’t have any new selfies of myself aside from what i’ve posted.

How many tattoos i have and what they are: i only have one, and it’s right in between my shoulder blades on my back. it’s of my family’s crest, which says “miseris succurrere disco”, which basically means to help people in need.

Last time i cried and why: last night because i was watching queer eye

Piercings i have: i used to have my ears pierced, but i hated keeping track of my earrings so i just let them close up. i wish i never let them close up, and now i also want to get my nose pierced 

Favorite band: i don’t really listen to any bands, just artists!

Biggest turn offs: burping and chewing sounds. chewing sounds legitimately anger me so much, i don’t know why

Top 5 songs: Cherry Wine (Hozier), Rain On Me (Joji), IDFC (Blackbear), I Love You (Billie Eilish), The Night We Met (Lord Huron)

Tattoos I want: OHHHHH MY GOD i want so many!!!! i just honestly want my body to be covered in flower tattoos to the point that i’m just a walking garden!! i really want to get a pair of watercolor roses or lilies right under my collarbones!!

Biggest turn ons: good cologne. i don’t know why, but cologne makes me go insane, i love it so much

Age: 18 going on 19!

Ideas of a perfect date: relaxing at home and cuddling with my boyfriend while watching our favorite show

Life goal: oh god this is super deep and i’ve sat on this question for a fat minute and all i can think about is how much i want to be content with myself, so i guess that’s my goal

Piercings i want: nose and ear piercings, babie!!!

Relationship status: happily taken!

Favorite movie: oh god, probably across the universe. i’ve loved it ever since i was a kid

A fact about my life: i’ve been in choir almost all my life

Phobia: the dark. when i was a kid i used to see faces on my walls when my room was dark

Middle name: marie

Height: 5′5.5 (basically just 5′6)

Are you a virgin?: yessirree 

What’s your shoe size?: 7

What’s your sexual orientation?: i’m pretty straight, but i think i’m heteroflexible. i’d definitely get down and nasty with a girl, but i’ve never felt any romantic attraction towards females

Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs?: no, my parents smoked cigarettes for most of my life, and my dad regularly smokes weed. the smell of weed makes my head hurt and makes me feel nauseous, so no thanks.

Someone you miss: my boyfriend. he’s been on a family trip to cuba, and he hasn’t contacted anyone (including me) in almost 10 days. i miss him so much that it genuinely hurts.

What’s one thing you regret?: not learning to love myself sooner and finding comfort in feeling depressed because it’s something familiar

First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive: zendaya 

Favorite ice cream?: i don’t eat a whole lot of ice cream, so i guess cookies and cream

One insecurity: my teeth. my two teeth next to my front teeth are pointed, and i used to get called a vampire when i was young. i was always bullied for it, and for most of my life i would cover my mouth with my hand whenever i laughed or smiled. a recent incident that comes to mind was sophomore year in high school in my english class. i sat next to my friend mooney (i called her by her last name because we met in gym), and one day she was talking to the guy infront of her about how pretty she thought i was, and how she thought that i could’ve been a model. the guy who sat in front of me, who’s name was tristan and was also in my choir the previous year, said that i’d be pretty with me if my teeth weren’t so fucked up. 

What my last text message says: “god this fan feels so nice”

Have you ever taken a picture naked?: :)

Have you ever painted your room?: no, but i’ve tried painting the bathroom with my mom

Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex?: nope

Have you ever slept naked?: yeah?????????

Have you ever danced in front of your mirror?: i can’t dance, so absolutely not

Have you ever had a crush?: yeah??!??!?!!? ofc. i had a major crush on my current boyfriend, and he had a crush on me first before we started dating. it’s actually a really cute story

Have you ever been dumped?: yeah, twice. my last one was really brutal, but not because of how he dumped me.

Have you ever stole money from a friend?: nope

Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met?: nope

Have you ever been in a fist fight?: nope

Have you ever snuck out of your house?: nah, i’m a goody-two-shoes

Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?: oh HELL yeah

Have you ever been arrested?: nope, and not planning on it!

Have you ever made out with a stranger?: nope!! 

Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere?: not in a sexual or romantic way, no

Have you ever left your house without telling your parents?: nah

Have you ever had a crush on your neighbor?: i don’t think so??

Have you ever ditched school to do something more fun?: i ditched my nesika (which was like homeroom, but only two days of the week rather than daily) to go to a coffee stand with a friend

Have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex?: not in a sexual or romantic way

Have you ever seen someone die?: no, and i really don’t want to :^(

Have you ever been on a plane?: yup!! i love it

Have you ever kissed a picture?: maybe…………… :’^)

Have you ever slept in until 3?: oh my GOD no. i fall asleep relatively early and wake up early, even on my days off.

Have you ever loved someone or miss someone right now?: yeah??? lowkey this question is phrased in a weird way

Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?: oh my god yes, it’s so relaxing

Have you ever made a snow angel?: yup!!!!

Have you ever played dress up?: oh HELL yes i have!!!

Have you ever cheated while playing a game?: okay does anyone remember doing the stock market game in freshmen year/middle school in history class? my friend and i looked up the answers online and cheated. we were rich that day in that class.

Have you ever been lonely?: i’m lonely right now

Have you ever fallen asleep at work/school?: maybe for 10 seconds, but no

Have you ever been to a club?: nope!

Have you ever felt an earthquake?: i don’t think so, no

Have you ever touched a snake?: SDKJGBSD NO!!!!!

Have you ever ran a red light?: nope!

Have you ever been suspended from school?: nope!!!!

Have you ever had detention?: i had lunch detention for saying “stfu” to a guy who was bugging me in 5th grade. i thought i was the shit for that.

Have you ever been in a car accident?: nope!

Have you ever hated the way you look?: 100%. i’ve always had huge insecurities surrounding my body or how i look.

Have you ever witnessed a crime?: bruh i literally stole a pack of gum from a store when i was 4. i COMMITTED a crime. in my defense, i stole it for my mom to make her happy. i got yelled at

Have you ever pole danced?: nope, but i would love to! it looks like a really good workout!

Have you ever been lost?: i got lost just last week

Have you ever been to the opposite side of the country?: nope!!! i don’t travel much

Have you ever felt like dying?: yes. i used to be suicidal

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?: hell yeah babie!

Have you ever sang karaoke?: i sing karaoke on youtube almost every single day. not only that, but on the first day of practicing for my high school graduation i stopped by my choir class before it began (seniors got out earlier than everyone else), and i sang karaoke with them.

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t?: 100%

Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?: NO?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger?: no

Have you ever kissed in the rain?: how can u kiss the rain. bruh.

Have you ever sang in the shower?: i sang in the shower earlier today

Have you ever made out in a park?: nope!

Have you ever dream that you married someone?: yep!!!!

Have you ever glued your hand to something?: i don’t think so????

Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole?: no, but i got my tongue stuck to one of those metal low monkey bar things.

Have you ever gone to school partially naked?: no?????

Have you ever been a cheerleader?: no, but my childhood friend and i wanted to be cheerleaders in high school before i moved to a different state

Have you ever sat on a roof top?: nope

Have you ever brushed your teeth?: who are you, my mom?

Have you ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone?: oh my GOD yes

Have you ever played chicken?: nope!! im a pussy

Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?: nope!

Have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger?: not that i’m hot, but i’ve gotten many compliments from strangers

Have you ever broken a bone?: nope!

Have you ever been easily amused?: i used to be one of those kids that would laugh before they could finish a joke

Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?: i’ve laughed so hard that i’ve pissed myself. so yes.

Have you ever mooned/flashed someone?: i mean????

Have you ever cheated on a test?: i cheated on a 2nd grade spelling test. who knew that i would end up actually being great at spelling shit

Have you ever forgotten someone’s name?: oh my god i have the worst memory and i’m terrible with names

Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real?: my boyfriend :’’’’^)

Give us one thing about you that no one knows: a couple friends know, but when i’m too lazy to throw on shoes or socks to walk around the house i just pull my sweatpants legs a bit over my feet and just wrap it around my feet. it’s weird

[bartsugsy]

It's so much simpler to go with the flow with soaps when you're not super invested or have a vested interest cos there are characters you are invested in don't you think? e.g I have vague memories of Karl Rob being a fave & empaphising with him without giving much thought to how much of a dick he often was. Or even binging a lot of teen Aaron in a bubble (so no time gaps or spoilers/discourse). Simpler times 😂 ngl the madness can be fun too ofc, but it's defo a lot less of a chill experience😂

idek when you sent this, but that’s always the case with watching shows vs watching shows as part of a fandom, isn’t it? also ia watching soap storylines play out as part of a binge watch is a very different experience to watching it live, (particularly when you really don’t have spoilers going out very far, or any idea of where a story is heading).

Watching a storyline all at once gives you the benefit of seeing things unfold at a pace that maybe a regular tv show might move, i think? Whereas soaps are either very slow or everything is happening at fucking once jfc

when it’s in story-building mode and moving at a snail’s pace, you can often be left in limbo from day to day. i always think that the core of soap telling is that the stories should largely leave you wanting more, because what else might give you the impetus to give up three hours of your week each week to watching their stories unfold (outside of habit lol)

idk, it’s ongoing storytelling, isn’t it

and it’s objectively sort of hilarious to watch us all react to episodes of soaps because it’s the most insanely dynamic emotional experience - one day everyone is over the moon happy, the next day people are like i’ve never been more disappointed in a man >:( @ emmerdale and then the following day people are throwing parties (and then the following day, emmerdale cuts a robron scene and we’re all out for fucking blood #neverfogive #neverforget)

i always think that far less emotionally invested lurkers must have a great time watching it all unfold lol

the immediacy of the reactions makes sense because that’s.... what happens when you watch things lmao. you react to them. lololol. it just so happens that we typically get a lot of content to react to - content that is by its nature more melodramatic than maybe a lot of other fandoms

everytime i go and lurk in other fandoms, i forget how much we get in comparison, even in times where maybe the boys aren’t being used quite as much as they have been previously.

although i do vividly remember a point back in early 2016 where they were on screen every day for like two weeks straight (and on every single week without fail for a good period of time, i think), contemplating just how much content we were getting lmao. so like. that’s an absurdly high bar, in retrospect. 

(but srsly give them a storyline) (there’s no such thing as too much unless it’s ‘too much robron drought’ thank u

to bring this back around a little, watching a storyline all at once doesn’t really leave space to react to each scene before you’re on to the next moment and it’s either being resolved or forgotten about (or put to one side, ready to be resolved in 7 months or something insane lmao)

watching it in real time is a whole... other wild ass experience

i genuinely prefer watching robron scenes all at once at the end of every week, personally. it all feels like it flows better for fandom purposes (even though soaps really weren’t designed for fandoms and we all know it lmao). maybe it’s for this reason.

idk this is my experience anyway. i’m sure others view it differently

in conclusion none of us have any chill, we legitimately never have and it’s probably just the nature of the show we’re all watching that’s made us this way. i’ve said for years now - not everyone is cut out for soap fandoms (and not everyone should be) (and i’m not 100% sure it’s a good thing that we are aslkfhdhf but WE ARE WHOMST WE ARE AND WHOMST WE ARE NEEDS NO EXCUSES)

when art reflects life etc

[coolgreatwebsite]

Cool Games I Finished In 2018 (In No Real Order)

Man! Wow! 2018! 2018 was a wild year for me. I managed to deliver those elbow drops I talked about last year and ended up doing a lot of of things. I left my job and moved cross-country in the span of like 2 and a half weeks! I took a new job in the video game industry (play Ninjin and Override)! I took a trip to Vegas a week after that! I got in a relationship! I got out of a relationship! It’s been a ride. A ride that hasn’t left me a ton of time to play video games or write about video games, but I’m like 1000 times happier now so it’s probably a fair trade. No matter what though, I will always be here at the end of the year to make a bunch of terrible MSPaint banners and provide you with another one of these. Here’s a bunch of cool games I experienced for the first time in 2018.

Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne (PlayStation 2, 2004)

Nocturne is a game that I haven’t been able to get out of my head since I beat it. It’s so damn cool. It starts with you witnessing a demonic apocalypse where only you, your two friends, your teacher, a reporter, and the man with the world’s wildest widow’s peak survive. These people are, with a couple of notable exceptions, the only real characters in the entire game. You barely see them, and when you do your meetings are usually pretty brief. Sure, you talk to and recruit a horde of demons to your side as party members, and you interact with a handful of demonic antagonists and various demonic NPCs, but for the most part the game is just you. You, alone, wandering the weird hellscape remnants of Tokyo. It’s one of the most solitary-feeling video games I’ve ever played, and it nails this atmosphere flawlessly. The music, the visuals, the writing, every element gels with every other element so smoothly to create a prevailing, almost overbearing feeling of loneliness. The combat and gameplay mechanics are what I understand this series to mostly be like (this being the only mainline SMT I’ve played), and are fun and engaging in a way that’s not too dissimilar from the Persona series. The only knock I have against Nocturne is that the dungeon design super sucks. I’m fine with endless corridors, my love of the PS2 Persona games can attest to that, but almost every dungeon in Nocturne has an annoying gimmick to it, and they all essentially boil down to different takes on a teleporter maze. I was kind of almost dreading navigating dungeons by the time I got to the last fourth of the game, but my intense love for literally everything else saw me through. For those of you who like JRPGs and haven’t played Nocturne, I’m sure you’ve heard this plenty of times, and I was like you once. I didn’t listen. But now I’m on the other side of the tunnel, so I get to say it. You should really, really play Nocturne. It’s good.

Splatoon 2 Octo Expansion (Nintendo Switch, 2018)

Octo Expansion is what Splatoon 2′s single player mode should have been from the start. Don’t get me wrong, the packed in single player campaign is fine, but it’s basically a level pack for Splatoon 1′s. Octo Expansion, on the other hand, is 100% fresh. Structurally it’s much more diverse, with the campaign taking place over 80 mostly-bite-sized missions with varying objectives. There’s a couple of stinkers in there, but overall the quality of the missions is much higher than what was in the original single player campaign. They can actually be pretty tough sometimes too! It was fun to see some actual challenge in a Splatoon campaign. Everything wrapped around the core gameplay of Octo Expansion is kind of phenomenal. The setting and visual design is super weird, the music is way more mellow than anything else that’s come out of the series and creates a great sense of atmosphere, and the writing is actually genuinely pretty great. There’s a lot of funny dialogue and good character moments. They made me like Pearl! The weird gremlin that eats mayo! She’s my friend now! The last half an hour or so of Octo Expansion is also straight up my favorite sequence from a game I played this year too. Don’t sleep on this thing just because it’s DLC. It’s legitimately great.

Monster Hunter: World (PlayStation 4, 2018)

At the outset I was incredibly skeptical of Monster Hunter: World. This wasn’t entirely fair to the game, as a lot of this feeling was based on its initial E3 reveal trailer kinda sorta matching up to some mostly not true pre-E3 leaks, namely that it would be much more action heavy to cater to Western audiences and tie into the then unannounced Monster Hunter movie (which, as an aside, looks like a trainwreck that I desperately want to see). You can probably pretty easily find some tweets and posts from me around that time saying that the game looks like trash because of some misinterpreted new game mechanic. I am here to say that I am a big wrong dumbass and Monster Hunter: World is very good. You might be surprised to hear this, but it’s Monster Hunter! With a bunch of good and well-executed gameplay refinements! And graphics that aren’t repurposed from a PS2 game! It’s a ton of fun and I put a lot of time into it, but it’s not without its flaws. The number of monsters and weapons is comparatively way lower than in previous games, mostly due to that whole not repurposing PS2 models thing. It’s still kind of clunky in a lot of the places Monster Hunter has been historically clunky in, but also in some pretty big new ways, mainly around playing multiplayer. Also the story, while it’s as bland as it’s ever been, is exponentially more intrusive thanks to the addition of voiced cutscenes (which need to be triggered before the game lets you bring other players into story missions, causing a lot of that clunk I mentioned earlier). It’s all nothing game-ruining, of course. The game wouldn’t be on the list if it was! Monster Hunter: World exceeded my expectations, and I’m super looking forward to playing the recently announced G Rank expansion when it comes out next year.

Contra: Hard Corps (Sega Genesis, 1994)

I wish I could go back in time and kick my own stupid ass for not playing this sooner. I’d written off Contra: Hard Corps for the longest time based solely on some bullshit I read on the internet at an age where I just took other peoples’ opinions and made them my own. This and Castlevania Bloodlines were the bad ones, the ones some weird b-team crapped out for the Genesis while the SNES got the good stuff like Contra 3: Alien Wars. Well, it turns out... they were right about Bloodlines. But MAN were they wrong about Hard Corps. Hard Corps is the best Contra game. It fucking rules. I would have gone on with my life never giving the game a glance if not for this excellent Giant Bomb feature happening, and a couple of episodes in I knew I had to play it for myself. Contra: Hard Corps is fucking nuts. It’s balls to the wall 100% of the time. There’s so many unique enemies and wild bosses and they’re all never not exploding. The game has four characters with unique weapons and multiple different level paths that have totally different levels, bosses, and story beats. Oh, and the soundtrack fucking rips. Sometimes it’s a little too much, and there are definitely some sequences and boss attacks that are total gotchas that you can’t survive without prior knowledge of how they work. I’d also be remiss not to give a special shoutout to level 4′s awful, tedious, unskippable-on-any-route boss. But god damn if the rest of Hard Corps doesn’t outshine these flaws. It’s the high water mark for insane non-stop 16-bit action.

Deltarune (PC, 2018)

Does this count? It’s a demo for a full game that won’t be out for a real long time... I suppose it does, it’s self-contained enough. Deltarune, the free demo for the sort of but also sort of not sequel to Undertale, is unsurprisingly good as hell. Less surprising for sure, as Undertale is a known quantity these days, but I’m still way into it. The story is interesting and full of charming characters, and the battle system has been overhauled to include things like multiple party members with different abilities while still keeping all the things that made Undertale’s battles novel. The music is, of course, fantastic, and the visuals look much nicer while adhering to the same general style as the previous game. It’s fairly short, and some character development feels a little rushed because of it, but again, it’s a small chunk of the beginning of a much larger game. I can’t imagine any of this stuff wouldn’t be expanded upon. It’s hard to judge this thing story-wise due to the nature of it being a demo. I thoroughly enjoyed what is there, though, and look forward to playing the rest of the game in 50 years or whatever.

Super Smash Bros. Ultimate (Nintendo Switch, 2018)

This game is so much. Even though the first thing I learned about this game was “everyone is here”, I still wasn’t ready for how much it is. Super Smash Bros. Ultimate is maybe too much. Of course, as previously stated, everyone (meaning every single previous playable Smash Bros. character) is here. Most of the previous stages are also present. This was all known. Where the game really, truly goes overboard though is in the single-player content. There’s the usual classic mode for every character, this time specifically structured around a theme for each character, but the vast majority of it is actually comprised of the all-new spirits system. Spirits are non-playable video game characters that you can collect and equip to your fighters for special abilities, sort of like a less terrible version of Smash Bros. Brawl’s stickers. You collect these spirits through spirit battles, which are fights themed around the character the spirit represents via extremely clever usage of already existing fighters and mechanics. These battles range from the obvious (Big the Cat’s battle tasks you with fighting a giant purple Incineroar), to the obscure (fight the main characters from Zangeki no Reginleiv as represented by Link and female Robin while you’re giant-sized), to the creative (Porygon’s spirit puts you in a fight against wireframe Little Mac and Akira from Virtua Fighter, normally an assist trophy), to the downright in-jokey (the spirit of Ness’s Father, displayed as the telephone spirte from Earthbound, makes you fight an invisible Solid Snake). There are like 1200 spirits. The vast majority of them have an associated battle. And you don’t just experience these battles through a menu, at least half of them are implemented into the 30 hour long adventure mode, World of Light, which has you fighting spirits, navigating dungeons, and facing bosses. It’s insane. They focused on spirits in lieu of collectible trophies this time around and they absolutely made the correct choice. The trophies in the last two Super Smash Bros. games were fine, but easier access to existing 3D models of most represented characters made them inherently less exciting than Melee’s tailor-made collection of high quality (considering the time period) renders, many of which would never receive a 3D model again. The spirits system manages to be exciting in the same way Melee's trophies were, fostering a genuine sense of anticipation to see what they cooked up next, but in the context of gameplay. They completely knocked it out of the park. Smash 4 made it on one of these lists long ago, and I essentially just said “it’s more Smash Bros. and that’s good”. Smash Ultimate is also more Smash Bros., but it’s SO much more Smash Bros. It’s so much more extremely good Smash Bros. The only things I can ding it for are some totally subjective stage preferences (where the hell is Poké Floats) and some slightly less than optimal music sorting decisions. Super Smash Bros. Ultimate is, ultimately, the ultimate Super Smash Bros.

These games were also cool, I just had less to say about them:

Bloodstained: Curse of the Moon (Nintendo Switch, 2018): Remember Castlevania 3? Inti Creates sure did! This prequel to the still unreleased Koji Igarashi Kickstarter project Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night is an unabashed love letter to Castlevania 3, and it’s pretty good. Mom Hid My Game! (Nintendo Switch, 2017): A charming little game in the style of those old escape the room Flash games. It even looks like one (in the literal sense, not the pejorative). It’s not tough or replayable really, but it is $5 and consistently absurd and surprising. Yakuza 6: The Song of Life (PlayStation 4, 2018): Yakuza 6 is kind of a weird juxtaposition. It’s the final chapter of Kazuma Kiryu’s story, but also the first game to use the Yakuza team’s new Dragon Engine. The story end of things is a good, solid sendoff for a bunch of characters I’m going to miss very dearly, but the gameplay feels very formative and limited in a way that sort of reminds me of Yakuza 1. I had a good time with it overall, but I hope they manage to dial it in like they did with the previous decade of Yakuza games and make something truly excellent again. Looking at you, Judge Eyes. Etrian Odyssey V: Beyond the Myth (Nintendo 3DS, 2017): Etrian Odyssey V is a return to basics for the series, ditching things like overworlds and sub-dungeons and just pitting your party against one big labyrinth. Honestly, gotta say, I miss the stuff they left behind! The core of Etrian Odyssey is still super strong so I had fun regardless, but the overall simplicity of the game and the changes to how classes work had me missing EOIV more often than not. Soundtrack’s great though, as expected. Sonic Mania Plus (Nintendo Switch, 2018): To be completely honest, most of the stuff they added to Sonic Mania in Plus really isn’t that fantastic. Mighty’s spike and projectile immunity is fun, but Ray’s flying is more interesting than effective. Encore mode is largely disappointing, with most of it feeling identical to the base game outside of its all-new (and too hard for their own good) special stages. HOWEVER, Sonic Mania Plus was an exceptional excuse to play through Sonic Mania another six or so times. Congratulations to Sonic Mania for being game of the year for two years in a row. WarioWare Gold (Nintendo 3DS, 2018): A good compilation game, executed much better than in the team’s previous Rhythm Heaven Megamix, but lacking in reasons to come back after you’ve played all the games. There’s the usual toy room stuff WarioWare has had since Touched!, but it’s bogged down by reliance on a currency system and the fact that sooooo many things you unlock are just parts that feed into a larger, not that interesting thing. The part where you play WarioWare is great though, and the new visuals make it all feel fresh even though it’s mostly older games. Mario Tennis Aces (Nintendo Switch, 2018): I had a brief, passionate love affair with Mario Tennis Aces. The core gameplay is rad as hell and more like a fighting game than a tennis game, with multiple different special shots and a focus on meter management. I played like 40+ hours of it between the full game and the demo and never even touched the single player (which makes it technically not count for this list, but, shut up). I got 2nd place at its very first tournament at CEO 2018. Then I... stopped playing. It had some weird balance issues, sure, but I think it was more a victim of circumstance rather than anything else. I moved basically right after CEO and just never went back to it. It’s still incredible though. I hope this game’s systems are the standard for Mario Tennis games going forward.

We made it! Bottom of the list! It was a shorter trip this time, but I’m still proud of you for making it here all the same. Thank you for reading the words I typed about video games. I’m looking to get this web page back into gear in 2019, so you can probably expect part 2 of The Best Babies sometime in January. Hopefully I’ll actually play some video games too so I can bring back Breviews on the first of February. Until then!

[katindabox]

Deadpool 2 spoilers!!

It’s been a few days since i saw Deadpool 2 and--though it was a funny film and, i feel like, a worthy sequel that nearly matches the charisma and humor of the first one--there’s something that’s really bothering me and that’s the handling of X-Force. The X-Force payoff has a pretty solid set-up: Deadpool sends out a casting call for a superhero team and gets a bunch of D-list heroes like Shatterstar, Bedlam, Zeitgeist, Domino, Vanisher, and Kevin--a powerless shmuck who answered the ad for fun. Truly the kind of people that would answer a help-wanted ad from Deadpool.

To add some context, apparently, Fox has been teasing the possibility of an X-Force series and, with the heavy use of X-Force-centric footage in the trailers, many were expecting this movie to be the X-Force origin movie. To reinforce that, each character gets their own little introduction and brief explanation of their power-set.

Wade gathers the team in a plane to do a parachute drop and the film drills in how everyone wants to be a part of something greater, like a family. The team gets hyped, jump from the plane, and all but Deadpool and Domino are horrifically killed because of the high-winds that Wade casually dismissed earlier in the scene. And i mean horrifically killed.

Bedlam flies into a bus and dies from blunt-force trauma, Shatterstar flies into a helicopter propeller because he can’t see through his 90′s-comics-edgelord-ponytail (genuinely funny), Vanisher flies into power lines and is electrocuted, and Zeitgeist flies feet-first into a wood chipper. Kevin is, comically, unharmed. Had the characters’ demises gone quickly with some snappy editing, then i feel like it would have been just as shocking and funny as what the writers intended.

But it isn’t over quickly.

Once Kevin lands, he rushes to Zeitgeist’s aid; trying foolishly to pull what’s left of him out of the wood chipper. I can’t quote this 100% cuz i only saw it once but the interaction pretty much goes like: Kevin: “Hey, you’re gonna get through this. We’re the X-Force, remember?” Zeitgeist, looking to Kevin with renewed hope: “Yeah, we’re X-Force.” Only to be immediately undercut with Zeitgeist, in immeasurable pain, vomiting his acid bile onto Kevin--killing him instantly--and then being dragged into the wood chipper completely.

The fact that these characters were genuinely good people wanting to help an abused mutant boy and be a part of a greater cause makes their cruel deaths just too cynical for a movie about tongue-in-cheek cynicism. The fact that their drawn-out deaths and sincere hopes were only included for a cheap troll on the audience (and i’ll get to that) legitimately made me upset from a story standpoint.

X-Force dying in the parachute jump was very clearly just a giant dump on the typical superhero movie audience and served very little story purpose save to show how Domino’s luck power is legitimate. I know this because they filmed a whole fight sequence with the X-Force fighting a group of armed bad guys JUST to be used in the trailers to mislead the viewers simply because people were getting hyped about the X-Force series. They make X-Force the center of the trailers and then pull the rug out from the audience like “Ha ha, you fuckin’ dweebs, you thought we were actually gonna do X-Force? Fuck you!” And that’s all the X-Force was--a gag. Their deaths do not affect the story in the slightest. If they had changed it so that Domino was the only hero that had showed up to the auditions, the story would have played out completely unchanged. Not a single moment goes by where the remaining characters lament that the powers of the deceased heroes would have been crucial to saving the day.

And the worst part--the worst part...is how hollow the whole X-Force plot feels. In a movie centered on the far-reaching consequences of Wade’s actions, not a single thought is given to the X-Force team as soon as their scene ends. The film begins with Wade’s callousness getting Vanessa killed and ends with Wade’s selflessness saving Cable’s future and countless lives. These are both strong scenes that reinforce the film’s themes and further along Wade’s character. So it just feels so wrong for a character--so tortured by his own hand in his girlfriend’s death---is so apathetic to a whole cast of innocent characters being killed by his negligence. 

...thanks for coming to my TEDTalk

(We’re not gonna talk about the end-credits scene were Wade time travels and saves Kevin because it’s not even clear if that’s canon)

[bashie]

For the cutest boy on Earth.

Soooo... finally right. LMAOOO

We’re literally late by a few days, but hey, happy birthday, Bashie. You’re one year older and not that much wiser... ㅋㅋ But that’s okay, because I would still root for you in whatever you do, because I believe in you with my whole heart. Unconditional support is a form of love, no?

Celebrating one day of getting older has always seemed unnecessary to me, which is why I don’t celebrate mine that much. But we can always be thankful of someone else’s presence in our lives, of their existence, because of how much they’ve impacted our lives. That’s why I feel like it’s just right to celebrate you, because you do actually mean the world to me. Before you’re my best friend and also someone I like, you’re Sebastien Choi, someone really caring, genuine, smart, accepting, and pretty fucking amazing. I actually admire a lot of things about you which I probably can’t begin to find the beginning of since there’s just SO many things that I like about you. You’re everything I could ever ask for, you know? In the past few months since we met I’ve never felt so... belonged in a sense. So damn belonged and cared for, which I probably never really felt in my entire damn life. And that’s one more thing to admire you for, because you came waltzing into my life doing something I never thought anyone would do for me — to stay.

When we got closer, I must’ve been the happiest person in the world. I’d like to believe so, because I felt like I finally have a friend to lean onto. You embraced me with ease that I pretty much was obliged to let you in, ha, but that’s not something I’d complain about, because it’s the best decision I’ve made. You’re a major and I mean MAJOR part of my life now in which I tell you literally everything. I don’t have any reason to hold myself back because I can trust you with my whole entire heart. So be proud of yourself for that will you? 😌 And let me confess that I’ve been feeling not like myself lately, because I find myself craving for affection much more than usual. I think about a future and there’s you in it, and I can’t help it but to keep wanting more of you. Man, and I even giggle like a schoolgirl everytime you make a dumb joke or worse when you call me pretty or sum shit. That’s ridiculous. No one ever made me feel like a kid again, so happy of even being talked to. I haven’t felt a joy like this in a while. And it doesn’t help that I’ve always felt like we’ve known each other forever. It’s like you’ve been a part of me since before I was born and that’s so incredibly cheesy but true in how I feel. I do so believe we were always meant to meet. 

And frankly speaking? I’m also amazed that you would like someone like me. Someone so impulsive and unpredictable and too hard to handle for many. And you probably knew that though, didn’t you? All I can say is that I’m thankful for you in my life, Bashie, for accepting me the way thatI am. I’m really thankful that you’re my friend, my (very legitimate) husband, my cuddle buddy. My big baby. My life sized teddybear. My not-boyfriend but mine anyways. And my aspiring lil pastry chef... Just listing all the ways you can be mine like you did but nicer bc I’m not u! And most importantly though, and yes: you are my happiness too. You’re my love. And I don’t want that to change, ever. Oh and yes, I 100% mean it when I say I want your baby. Put a damn baby in me, you cute ass bitch.

Enough about that, we’re done being cheesy. Don’t forget to redeem your birthday gifts with 10 kisses. :-)

Be happy always, my Bashie. 

And with love, and I mean that shit, Yujin. ❤️

[survivor-kuwait]

ROP

In preparation for Final Tribal Council, the final 3 reflect on those who have fallen...

Matt:

I can’t say I know much about Brandon, but I can say it’s pretty fucked up that a Sagittarius was the first elimination in a Zodiac themed game

Madison:

We didn’t really play together, but you’re a sweetheart and I’m sure if I knew you I’d believe you were robbed too soon!

Maynor:

I’m not sure if I got a message from you or not. I wanted to get to know you but Warzone twist was very nerve wracking twist.

Matt:

Willow! My Solomon Islands friend/betrayer. I was very excited by the prospect of getting the chance to reconnect with Willow and I was so bummed we only spent one Oasis together. At first I was worried that maybe she would think I was out for revenge, but I have only good blood with Willow and I absolutely wish her so much luck in Montenegro.

Madison:

MY NORTH CAROLINA KWEEN! I was SO sad to see you voted out. You were so kind to me, and I really appreciate the time we did get to spend together!

Maynor:

You were very nice. And we worked together in warzone for a vote or two. I was hoping that we could have worked together in this game.

Matt:

This game definitely would have gone a lot differently if we didn’t get Nehe out when we did. I genuinely enjoyed getting to know Nehe even though I already had the preconceived notion that he would be a schemer. Also, by far the best Tik Tok that anyone made was Nehe’s solo piece. It was so *Chef’s Kiss*

Madison:

Oml Nehe! I’m so sorry we blindsided you so hard but it had to be done and I think you know that. But I love you you crackedt legend.

Maynor:

oh Nehe. You were a blast to talk to. Game wise I never really knew where your head was at. At our first tribal you lied to me and voted Renee. Would love to talk to you though and get to know you more.

Matt:

I’m sorry I never got the chance to meet Taylor, because I will always have a good impression of someone with Gillian as their avi.

Madison:

Didn’t really communicate with you too much, and I think this warzone I wasn’t present for, but I’m sure you’re lovely!

Maynor:

You were someone I could have see  playing this game with. I still feel like maybe there was a way to save you but everyone seemed set on you.

Matt:

Jacob was a sweetheart, we share a lot of similar tastes in games and music and I definitely could have seen myself working more closely with Jacob if things didn’t go down the way they did. Nothing was more pure than trying and failing to explain moon phases with Kait to Jacob because I realized about halfway through I didn’t know nearly enough about them either.

Madison:

MY FELLOW CANCER CRUSTACEAN CWEEN. I love you..so much. You had to fall so I could sprint to where I am now I suppose, and I hope I represent our emotional mess of a sign well here at the end. I miss u.

Maynor:

I hope one time we are able to play a game  and work together. I really want to get to know you more, we dont really talk a lot during these games. So lets talk hopefully you want to.

Matt:

Adrian my Aquarius pal, sorry I had sacrifice you to the Survivor Gods when I heard people were targeting sign partners. We absolutely slayed the sign partner stage of the game, not going to any Warzones and it certainly was in no small part thanks to Adrian.

Madison:

I was truly really sad to see you go. you always brought such a good energy to every conversation we had, and I love that so much. BUT OUR SEASON IS GONNA BE SO GOOD EVERYONE APPLY TO OUR SEASON!

Maynor:

ugh. You were gone too soon. We worked together with Nehe vote and then taken out couple rounds later. I wished we could have worked together more. You were awesome and really nice.

Matt:

Stevie and I chatted a whole bunch when we got the chance and I can’t think of a bad thing to say about him, although I can apologize that I never answered the message he sent me after he got eliminated saying “How’s it going?”. It was going good but I didn’t wanna cheat. I’ll answer it soon I promise.

Madison:

YOU’RE SO SWEET OML. I just miss talking to you.

Maynor:

I didnt get to talk to you much in this game. We were kinda not in many warzones together. But your awesome.

Matt:

I think I inherited Chloe’s cockroach energy after she was eliminated. Truly everyone was constantly throwing Chloe’s name out there and I was NEVA happy about it, and I was even sadder about voting her out. Chloe and I had a very underrated and secret friendship and we voted together about every time until she was eliminated. I literally hope she’s finally feeling better because she was so sick and sleepy for the whole game and people didn’t get the chance to know her like I did.  

Madison:

The odds were truly stacked against us women and I was NOT a feminist player bc I vote for you..several times. Also really sad that we bonded right before you left. but you have bomb taste in music and I’d truly love to talk to you after the season is over.

Maynor:

We never got to talk much. There were a few times we did but it was mostly just hi and then convo died. He seemed really nice.

Matt:

Although I only know Matt B as the reason I still have to use my last initial in my confessionals, I have heard from everyone else that Matt B is a great guy. I hope that if I do win, nobody is disappointed to find out that it was me and not you.

Madison:

we didn’t interact too much honestly! would love to chat after the season, but unfortunately I don’t have a ton to reference right now!

Maynor:

I was extremely sad when I found out you were voted off. You didnt deserve that. I think you were one of the few people from first impressions that I wanted to work with. I really wanted to play this game with you after you co-hosted me. It was nice getting to know you during the first warzone.

Matt:

Renee was the vote that started it all for me. My very first Warzone that really taught me how much of a fucking warzone it actually was. I felt bad about betraying Renee, but it absolutely kick started the relationship I had with Maynor and Madison because we bonded over missing her and were really pulling for her to come back from Lagoon.

Madison:

my actual fucking queen oh my GOD. your vote was the ONLY one I didn’t know what was happening. I had no idea you were leaving and it honestly broke my heart.

Maynor:

My heart. RENEE playing with you in the beginning of this game was so awesome. Talking and us planning on making it to the end. I would have gone to the end with you. I was rooting for you to come back. But I was happy to meet you and I hope we can continue to talk after. ❤️

Matt:

Stephen was a super nice guy, and I always appreciate the Aussies who are playing on an entirely different sleep schedule than the rest of us.

Madison:

I feel..SO BAD FHJSJDJS. I’ve robbed you from so many games and I SWEAR IT’S NOT PERSONAL! I truly love you as a person! we just ALWAYS end up on opposite sides. you also terrify me though bc you’re SUCH a good player. I always have to have an open eye on you, and I really respect that. you’re a gem, never change.

Maynor:

ooo Stephen  this vote was sad but it was everyone saying your name. In this game we talked but it was as good communication like our other game. You know you mean a lot to me because we been through a game n you hosting me.

Matt:

Trace and I played Maluku together like 100 years ago and when I look back at the games we played then and the games we played now I’m very proud of the growth. I had some very nice genuine conversations with Trace about relationships and life and Survivor and I never thought that back in Maluku when I was dumb and petty that I would end up saying I found a friend in Trace. I’m sorry our Queer Eye alliance fell apart almost immediately but I realized he was such a big threat.

Madison:

Trace omg. I loved playing with you and working together while we did! Our alliance was SO cute. I’m sorry if you hold me voting you against me, but you scared me so much, and I feel like our games would’ve inevitably ended before FTC if we’d both stayed in the game. But I have so much respect for you as a player and a person. queer eye til we die.

Maynor:

I was working with you in this game and I was glad to have met you. You were like a very scary player to me for some reason. Your vote off was the start of the game really starting to be more strategic.

Matt:

Corey was one of my favorite people to talk to in the game because I felt like we could literally gab about absolutely anything. We bonded almost immediately at the very first Oasis, and had emotional motion sickness ™ ever since then. It was a sad day when I had to do Corey in the revote after that nutty partner tribal and even sadder when I found out he wasn’t coming back. Genuinely to this day Madison and I talk about how Corey would have hands down won the game if it was judged on music taste alone.

Madison:

my FATHER/SON. voting you out made me legitimately cry! I LOVED working with you and you were truly my ride or die until there was nothing I could do. trying to save you that night is probably one of my worst moves this game but I don’t regret it for a second. I love you so much and I’m so glad we got to play together again and be the cutest alliance..ever. queer eye til we die.

Maynor:

Your vote off was one of the sad ones. You coming to me to try and save you was really heartbreaking. I wanted to save you but during that time there was an alliance and wanted to be in good terms  with them until there was a time for a move. Also timmy and I were really nervous we were getting votes. Im sorry  ❤️ stay in contact. I went to lush andnit was amazing.

Matt:

Thomas went out in a blaze of glory and it was a lot of fun to watch. Anyone that Kait vouches for so vehemently is good in my book. “Fuck you Timmy” is our “Fuck you Brad Culpepper”.

Madison:

THOMAS U SWEETIE! I feel like I’ve said this a lot but there are truly so many kind, genuine people in this cast and I’m so grateful to have been a part of this season with all of you. you made me mad nervous in this game because I never quite knew what you were doing, and we weren’t close, but I felt like we were pretty chill until your vote. you may disagree ofc, but that’s how I see it! I can’t wait to talk after this season omg.

Maynor:

i really liked talking to you and you were an awesome person. I want to get to know you more so lets talk after the game. That twist was kinda an oof one. Im sorry that was how you went. Hopefully we can play another game together.

Matt:

KAIT is honestly the LOML. I absolutely would have gone to the final 3 with Kait even though I probably would have lost. I’m just excited to finally be able to play Smash and Pokemon Sword and Shield with the Paradise Hotel alliance. Besides doing the Logic Puzzle with Kait and having the WRONG clues, having to let Kait go was the hardest thing I had to do in the game but at the same time it really catapulted me to play the rest of the season without the comfort of having someone I trusted so implicitly.

Madison:

love. of. my. fucking. life. there are 2 people I made a conscious choice to not vote for despite knowing I’d be in the minority, and you’re one of them. I knew you were going and that there was nothing I could do without risking my game, and you knew that too, but we had each other’s backs from day 1 and I’m so so so glad I got to play with you. you’re also just a fucking dope person. I just wanna be ur friend after this no matter what you’re so fun.

Maynor:

You were super nice. We mainly talked in our alliance chat. You were a threat in my eyes because you were really tight with Owen. I really want to talk more as well after the game.

Matt:

Owen was the other ⅓ of the Paradise Hotel alliance and my Chicago friend and I think was the only person besides Chips who everyone agreed would absolutely win in a Final 3. I should’ve been mad that Owen sunk ⅔ of the advantages that I had original hit, but I knew they were with someone I could trust.

Madison:

WE FINALLY GOT TO WORK TOGETHER! you’re the other person I consciously didn’t vote for despite knowing you were going. I knew you had to leave when you did for me to slip through the cracks to get to where I am now, and no one would’ve let you make it to the end, but I’m so grateful for our alliance and for you as a person and that emily wasn’t here to fuck us up!

Maynor:

ily. You were one of the people I talked to the most in this game. It was really hard to write down your name twice. I realized and so did everyone else that you were a huge threat in this game and if we didnt take the opportunity to take you out, you were would have been winning this game. Lets continue talking after this game because I really miss talking to you.

Matt:

Ian and I were both great pals and bitter rivals. There was a point after the double idol play at the partner tribal where the two of us really aired all of our differences and talked about how we could move forward in the game with a mutual respect for each other and a mutual love of writing graphic novels, and naturally it came down to another tiebreaker between us, and I enjoyed every moment of it.

Madison:

literally the happiest we got to play together again. we were never QUITE on the same page, but never QUITE on different ones either. you’re so intelligent and that..scares me!

Maynor:

I loved talking to you as well. Me you and corey talking about how we all loved each diff starter. It was very difficult to right down your name but you were also a big person that could have won this game if they reached the end. We also need to stay in contact after the season. ❤️

Matt:

Cullan is like 18 years old and I was absolutely terrified of him as a player. We got along fairly well in the beginning and it was a shame that we ended up at odds with one another in the game.  I told Madison I chose to vote Cullan over Chips because I was afraid she was gonna self vote at Live Tribal, but truly I knew the only way for me to advance was to get rid of the guy I knew was a threat with advantages, challenges, AND jury votes.

Madison:

omg you’re so nice. I’m so glad we got to play together, and although it had to happen, I was sad to see you go. (Im running out of time typing my ROP’s but I hope you know I love you)

Maynor:

you were soo nice and very precious. We had a working relationship with each other but towards the end or some votes I couldnt let you in on which felt really bad. You are an awesome person and I hope we can talk more after the game.

Matt:

I started out very wary of Timmy during that isolation twist and after the Owen/Kait blindside, and especially when we had an actual polite disagreement about voting Owen out instead of Ian, but Timmy really came through for me in voting for Ian instead of me and I ended up actually really bummed that we cut him at final six. He was an undeniably good player.

Madison:

TIMMY. WE DID IT. sort of? we talked more than we have in any other game I think? and we actually worked together on some votes! also I’m gonna say that me flipping the vote onto you was claiming my IOU for not voting against you during the Corey round.

Maynor:

❤️❤️❤️❤️ i was sooooo sad when you went home. Like i didnt talk to anyone that night because i was so heartbroken. You were my longest ride or die in this game and im sad we didnt get to make it to the end together. You know i love you and your the best person and im glad i have had the honor to play 3 games now with you. We gotteb way closer since my first org were we first meet. And i hope our friendship growers more.

Matt:

Sweet sweet Chips. Thank you for sharing pictures and stories of your actually adorable baby Calvin, and even more so for saving me at the Ian vote. I like Chips and trusted him so much that I was willing to take the risk of bringing him to Final 4, and even Final 3, but eventually I had to take off the rose colored glasses and realize that everyone liked Chips way too much.

Madison:

that first boot to FTC character development could NOT happen and I know you know that, but I’m so impressed by the game you played and I hope you are too. you crushed it. I can’t wait for our best duo award.

Maynor:

i am happy that I got to meet you. I was sad when you left in the beginning. We also had a working relationship together but never a solid thing. Im was glad to talk with you about baking and I will let u know when i try to make the tie dye cookies. You are very nice and just plan great.

Matt:

Going against Devon in that tiebreaker was very poetic, because we truly made for a great pair of “frenemies”. I admire Devon’s resilience and the way he sticks to his own guns, and the fact that a man over 10 years older than me slayed me in a balance challenge was pretty hardcore.

Madison:

oh..my gosh. our alliance was a ROLLERCOASTER! like we were chill during the warzone phase, and then we weren’t, and then we really pulled it through at the end for BOTH OF US. you really turned the tables for your game after losing Ian, and I’m really impressed. I really hope we can talk after this season because I love you as a person.

Maynor: 

i dont know where to begin. We gotten really close since the merge started. It was never easy writing your name down and I wish I could have taken you to the f3 but in my eyes you were a threat based on your relationships with the jury. It may be a mess because Matt might win but the fire was like the best chance to give it a fair shot between you two. I hope you understand the game move. But we need to stay in contact after the game. 

[poipoi1912]

Carisi-centric thoughts on Eps 18x20, 18x21

I'm glad that's over.

Overall Thoughts

This was an intense but unnecessarily convoluted episode. This case could have been solved in fifteen minutes, not two hours. At least it wasn't another "rich white people he said/she said," and all the characters got their moment to shine, but I can't say I enjoyed it. It wasn't bad, it just kind of dragged. There was no need to stretch this over two episodes. The squad had to track down about twelve different witnesses to the same crime. Eliminate a couple of those witnesses, a few of the racist rants, and a Hallmark moment or three, and you'd have one tight finale.

Benson's Dilemma

I have to start here.

The characters kept saying it, but I don't see what was so different about this particular case (other than the fact it was not about rich white people). Hate crimes happen every day. So do rapes and murders. Why would Barba suddenly decide to urge Liv to lie on the stand? That wasn't just random and out of character, it wasn't supported by the script.

If they needed Barba to do that to create tension between himself and Liv, if they wanted to make Liv look better by comparison, and more ethical than Barba, they needed to set it up better. I mean, it didn't even make sense. When Barba was trying to convince Liv, he effectively said "I'm not saying lie, I'm saying maybe the witness was confused," but what does that have to do with anything? Liv could only testify to what she personally heard. If the witness says, "I told Benson," Liv can't say, "oh, I don't know, maybe she's confused". Liv can only say "yes, she told me," or "no, she didn't tell me." Liv can only tell the truth, and she's certainly not confused, so what was Barba's point?

Also, we're supposed to believe Barba would jeopardize his own career (which is already in the shitter, so maybe I'd buy that, actually), but also Liv's career, and for what? So he wouldn't lose? For justice? If so, why this case, and not last week's case? Why not next week's case? (thank God there's no next week) Why not every case? Is this something he's done before? Is this something he'll do again, if he thinks he can't win? What are his standards for lying? (probably “is it the season finale?” lol) Does he even have any standards? Where's the line? Is Barba okay with perjury now? And from now on? Or was it a one-time thing?

Dodds Thoughts

I wish the writers had chosen Dodds Sr. as the only character to gently goad Liv into lying. That would have been enough. I don't see why Barba had to compromise his own ethics. As a matter of fact, I loved the Dodds Sr./Olivia scene. It's worth noting that Dodds Sr. didn't actually try to sway her directly, not like Barba did. Dodds Sr. just offered her some perspective, and shared his own experiences. I loved that he said he had played it both ways, in the past. That was believable, for a cop in his position. It was subtle, and beautifully played, and well-written.

Bottom line, Dodds Sr. still let Liv make up her own mind. Barba tried to be cute, all "lol she was confused, Liv, can't you say you were confused too? Pretty please?" which kinda rubbed me the wrong way. And Liv clearly felt the same. Compare her reaction to Barba ("are you kidding me, sis?" and then a hilarious rejection) to her reaction to Dodds Sr. (she legitimately asked for his advice, in the end, with that quote about Mike lol whos' mike?, and she genuinely smiled at him).

I don't know. The whole thing reeked of "omg you guys it's the season finale and we need some drama". I'm glad Liv decided not to lie.

But let’s get to Sonny:

Sonny's Temper

Finally, the writers found a way to make Sonny angry in a believable way. In a way that wasn’t out of character. In a way that made sense in context, and didn’t come out of nowhere. Seriously, out of all the instances in which Sonny has lost his temper this season, this is the one and only time I felt for him, and thought he was justified. I mean, was it necessary to have him body slamming people left and right, throughout the episode? No. Was it necessary to have him (and everybody else) yelling in every other scene? No. But was it too much, or too violent? Also no.

This wasn't random anger for no reason, this wasn't just, "OK guys let's all SHOUT all our LINES because it's the season FINALE!!!!" (though that totally happened, too. They even got the usually very whispery Kirk Acevedo to yell, which made me laugh).

Sonny had a real reason to be mad, and that made a difference. Roughing up a perp is one thing, and it still makes me uncomfortable because I'm a SJW oops, sorry, I thought I was an SVU writer for a second, and I started using buzzwords :D

But shoving ICE agents, because they're detaining a key witness, and they're practically sending him to his death? Making Sonny break his promise, in the process? And letting rapists and murderers go free? That’s anger I can get behind.

I also appreciated the way Sonny and Barba argued without either of them losing their temper. They disagreed (and they didn't even really disagree, because Barba was only suggesting to use the threat of deportation as a bluff sort of), but they just expressed their opinions as professionals, and as equals, without any yelling or finger-wagging. And they both (sort of) had a point. That's the type of argument we might have seen in a previous season, and I enjoyed it watching it play out.

Sonny and Empathy

Finally, we got to see Sonny's love for children, shining through. That was always one of Sonny's main characteristics, and we never got to see it this season (aside from Great Expectations, a rare highlight). The way Peter conveyed Sonny's dismay at busting in on a couple of little girls with a gun in his hand? It was only a two-second reaction, but it said it all. Same for the way he tried to be there for Hector's poor daughters, kneeling in front of them at the hospital, trying to keep them away from their rightfully furious mother.

It was also interesting how Sonny was the only character who had strong feelings about threatening a woman using her children as leverage. Amanda and Liv, both mothers, had no such qualms (Rollins threatened multiple people's kids, like five times, and Liv was fine with literally calling ICE). Barba also had no qualms, but then Barba isn't exactly the most emotional person, lol.

I have to say, I didn't enjoy those threats. Every time, I'd side with the mother (even the racist one, who otherwise made me shudder). Leave kids out of this (didn’t Liv and Amanda go through this themselves, in Real Fake News?). And don't use shitty and scary immigration laws to threaten innocent people. It should be said, Soledad's husband was certainly complicit, but Soledad herself was just lying to keep her family together. Yes, murderers would go free as a result, but her motives weren't evil. Did she deserve to be separated from her kids?

And, the real question here, the one Liv and Barba ignored: did Soledad’s kids deserve to be separated from their mother?

That was my main issue (and also the main reason I loved Sonny’s reaction). I did agree with Barba in having little sympathy for Soledad, because ultimately she was lying, but what about her children? Barba had no sympathy for them, either. Sonny did (and Fin and Amanda seemed to agree). Sonny even sweetly said, "it's late, her kids are asleep," which was a wonderful detail. Liv and Barba were like, "Round 'em up! Right now! Traumatize those kids for life! Coercion! Fuck yeah!" but Sonny actually stopped to consider the emotional implications for those kids. That one line, and the way he said it, it moved me. It was perfectly consistent with Sonny's personality. He cares. He sees the big picture, but he also thinks about the little things, and how they affect others. Especially children. 

That’s why that was my favorite Sonny moment in the entire finale. It showcased his empathy, and his idealism, and his conviction in his beliefs. Sonny has always been unafraid to speak his mind, even if his superiors disagree.

Speaking of Sonny's superiors, I wonder if this stunt made Sonny respect Liv and Barba a little less. Because that happened to me. And Fin, who totally called Liv out :D

Morality Thoughts

I may joke about it, but I loved how Sonny and Fin clearly didn't approve of that stunt, of threatening a mother of two small children with deportation, and I appreciated the fact they were "allowed" by the writers to express those opinions to Barba and Liv, respectively. I also liked that Liv didn't answer Fin's question. That's the type of "grey area" writing which was sorely missing this season.

This was the rare instance when the audience wasn't expected to think Liv is 100% right, for a change, and the writers even had a beloved character like Fin call her out. They had an idealistic and sincere character like Carisi call out a more pragmatic and underhanded character like Barba. That was actually good writing (what???). Letting the audience draw its own conclusions. I wish the writers hadn't waited until the finale to start doing that.

Stray Thoughts

This season didn’t give us much on the Barisi front (or on any front), but it did give us this:

YOU’RE GONNA DEPORT ME TO CUBA? AND TAKE HIM TO ITALY? :DDD

Peter Gallagher is so handsome. And so talented. He brings so much to all his scenes. How does he do it? And why can't the rest of the SVU cast do it too, lol? No one came close to his nuanced performance, last night (from the regulars, I mean. The guest cast was mostly fantastic). And his lines weren't even that great. Honestly, how does he do it? I love him.

I also love not Eddie Kirk Acevedo. Were they trying him out as a potential new squad member, pairing him up with Sonny, and having him participate in an interrogation with Amanda, or is that wishful thinking? And does it even matter, now that we'll get a new showrunner? I mean, they probably needed guest stars to fill the airtime, because the finale was 2 hours long and the show only has like 3 characters left :D

Fin still has a detective's badge, right? Did I blink and miss him actually making Sergeant? And did I also miss a reference to his twitter-grandson?

Rollins, after shoving and practically headbutting that woman in front of her small son: "Honey it's okay, your mommy's fine! I'm just about to punch her in the face, but it's all good! Go play with your Xbox!"

I liked Yusef's reactions to Sonny's naive remarks about America. "I get it." "No you don't." Damn straight.

Did Sonny kick down that door literally ON that woman's face? The hell? She was standing right behind the door as he kicked it! Sonny, sweetie, you're no Derek Morgan. Leave the door-kicking to the experts.

Barba keeps getting swerved by Liv, lmao.

I won't get into the politics of it all. I don't have the time or the inclination. I'll just say the script was way too heavy-handed. I mean:

random guy, for no reason whatsoever: "What is happening in this country? This is America, right?"

Sonny (and me): "...yeah okay thank you we'll call you if we need anything else bye"

I am GLAD that's over.

[b-listbadboy]

Responding to negative criticism (A better way)

http://alexlayer.tumblr.com/post/156713684692/httpsb-listbadboytumblrcompost156712441719m

[I wanna start this off by saying that I personally apologize to @dashingicecream. Even though I hate the way she handled a very simple situation, that does not excuse me for going about responding to it like I did. In my eyes, she is still wrong for what she did and I personally would like for her to apologize to @botmj. But I’m just as bad for acting like a bit of a dick in my “Message to Dash” post. And for that, I regret my ignorant tone.

I hope she can forgive me for being overly aggressive. And if she does decide to block and ignore me, then I completely understand and respect her decision.]

However, I’m gonna have to disagree with you @alexlayer. And that’s not to say that you don’t bring up some good points, cause you do. But, I still have to disagree with you.

Why don’t we go through what you responded, piece by piece, to see exactly what I do and don’t agree with you on.

1. “What do you think she meant when she spoke about people thinking themselves “super edgy and unique” when shipping Straight Ships? There are actual shippers out there that think they can capitalize in the underdog reputation that the LGBT community has earned. You know, the admirable endurance to subsist over the years under discrimination, unrecognized rights and marginalization just because of their sexuality, sexual identity, lack thereof of either or both, or any combination of those. Those are real trials that these people have endured, and now some shippers act like they’re just the same because they’re the “underdog” in shipping straight ships in fandoms where LGBT ships are predominant, and act like they’re edgy or rebelliously defiant because of it.”

Right off the bat, there seems to be some confusion. Lets clear this up. I don’t have a problem with her saying that people are stupid for thinking they’re edgy and cool just by shipping straight couples in a, quote, “LGBT Predominate” series. Even though that probably might not the case for some who do ship straight ships.

I have a problem with her labeling all straight people in an ignorant way, and then immediately dismissing any criticism for it. I’d probably never would have said anything if she had responded to @sjelenkain and @botmj comments in a well mannered way. But, she didn’t. She instead makes a big deal out of it just to hype herself up by posting these really unnecessary follow ups. Saying things like, “If you don’t like it! then block me! You wont be missed! I never claimed myself to be perfect!” Only after she immediately blocked @sjelenkain for commenting. Not even letting him have the choice to unfollow and block her. Sorry to say, but that kinda attitude honestly seems pretty childish to me.

Dash didn’t have to agree with what they said at all. And she fully has the right to block whoever she wants. But she can’t then complain about getting criticism after posting something divisive to a specific group of people. And afterwards be extremely rude to an ask that was only trying to find a middle ground between the two. That’s not how you should go about people giving you their opinion. No matter how much you don’t agree. Cause meeting negative actions with negative re-actions is never gonna get anyone anywhere close to finding a proper solution. (Something that I wish our current US president would realize.)

And again, I’m just as much of a hypocrite for doing the exact same thing. But, look at what I’m doing right now. I’m admitting my faults and taking full responsibility for my words. If I, a smaller sized blog, am willing to accept my actions and apologize for it, why can’t she?

Regardless, let’s move on.

2.  And if that sounds ridiculous, it’s because IT FUCKING IS and Dash was just COMMENTING on it. Offhandedly and sarcastically, maybe, but she didn’t even through any insults or any of the sort. But of course, some entitled fucktoy went and got offended, as if a comment like that was the same as the government denying you the rights to love your loved ones, or wanting to pass a law that makes it legal for you to get electrocuted in order to “correct” your sexuality, and so one threw the first stone, and since the first one had been thrown, others followed suit, with you – @b-listbadboy – now throwing the biggest one because hey, now it’s cool to pick on her, huh?

You’re not necessarily wrong here. I did come off as a bit of a hateful “fucktoy” in my message and I, again, apologize for that. I let what was happening to me in my personal life influence how I think and write when seeing what Dash was doing. For that I am completely at fault. Even with the personal b/s that was going on with me IRL, its still no excuse for me to take it out on someone else entirely.

However lets talk about this whole “The Straights” thing that Dash said.

I know it was meant as a off handed sarcastic joke. But Just because Dash meant it to be a joke and wasn’t necessarily bashing anyone, doesn’t mean its OK to just ignore it and love her unconditionally. Saying that label, In my personal opinion, is a perfect way to accidentally cause a rift in your followers. Those who are “The Straights”, and those who aren’t. It gives off the impression that people who are straight or ship straight aren’t welcomed to her blog.

And I know she most likely didn’t intend for that, because she herself ships straight couples in a “LGBT Predominate” series. It was Sunflowyr (Yang x Ren) before, now its Strawberry Banana (Sun x Ruby).

You can joke about literally anything, as long as you make it clear that its all meant to be a joke and its only purpose was for fun. That’s what I believe Dash failed to do. If she did, there would literally be no need to overreact on @sjelenkain critique. Speaking of which…

3. And for the record, calling a person childish is NOT “genuine criticism”, and none of that people made Dash who she is today. She’s who she is thanks to her inspired art and her relentless will to draw what she likes, not because of someone adding +1 to her followers or count of likes. And she’s all the more amazing for enduring and sticking to her guns when even fellow LGBT shippers want her to stop drawing her OTP and instead switching to the more popular ships like White Rose and Bumblebee. Fuck it all, she’s already got more than enough shit to deal by herself like to have now people trying to act like she’s this toxic influence in the fandom. All of you are nothing but entitled bullies that need to shut their mouths and pick something better to do with their time to pick on the first person they come across to pick at and act like you’re delivering righteous justice, when all you’re doing is being a bunch of entitled assholes.

Sorry, but I have to strongly disagree….and agree as well? Let me explain.

His comment, while not being the best crafted or even the exact words I would’ve chosen, is legitimate criticism. Negative criticism, but still criticism none the less. I understand how she felt hurt by his comments, and I’m not blaming her for feeling that way. What I am blaming her for is claiming that he needs to unfollow her when she blocked him and took away his choice to even consider doing so. That, I believe is very hypocritical of her. But, I do get why and its not completely her fault.

And as for her sticking to her guns by not giving in to the hordes of demands by White Rose and Bumblebee shippers….yeah you’re absolutely right. Dash is commendable for enduring that kind of overbearing bullcrap that I often do see in the FNDM. I should know, shipping a rarepair like Knightshade (Jaune x Blake) can come with some backlash.

Something else I kinda agree and also don’t agree with you on is that the followers “made” Dash. Now, admittedly, I really could’ve used a better way of phrasing it. So instead of saying that the followers “made” her, lets say they “brought her up”.

I am almost 100% positive that Dash wouldn’t be doing what she does if no one supported or followed her. Especially if she is getting the amount of hate that you and Dash are both claiming. And, y’know what? Being encouraged by the reward of getting more followers isn’t necessarily a demonizing thing! Its almost completely natural on social media and its not something to fault her or really anyone on. I most certainly get excited to see people follow me and don’t see any shame in saying so. And looking back at dash before she was really any level of big that she is now, you can clearly she that not only her art but also her personality and influence has changed.

So, yes, I do think the followers brought her up as who she is now. Its most certainly not the only thing, but it is a big chunk. And again, its nothing to be ashamed about! However, its something that needs to be taken in consideration when posting anything on a public place like tumblr. A lot of people, like you @alexlayer (and believe it or not, myself included.), really look up to her and hold her to a high standard. So when she post something rude and divisive about a specific group of people, if that group of people have been following and supporting her since the begging and see that, they’ll definitely feel betrayed and offended. And they will for sure express that to her.

Final thing I wanna say before ending this post is that like you and I, @dashingicecream is human. And humans make mistakes all the time. But what makes those mistakes OK to make, is when we can see where we were wrong, and apologize for it. I’m not asking for her to change anything about herself at all. And once again, I do apologize for making my original post seem that way. But, I would love for her to at least apologize to @botmj, if anyone at all. I hope you understand where I’m coming from now that I’ve cleared it up better for you all reading this. And even though typing all of this for two days has been exhausting as FUCK, I believe it was worth it.

Thank you for taking your time to listen to what I have to say, and I hope something like this never gets blown out of improper proportions ever again.

@dashingicecream

@alexlayer

[survivorhogsmeade]

Rites of Passage

Well the timing was just unlucky which sucks but that's just part of the game, i'm glad i got to finally try out a tumblr game i just wish it lasted longer!

ANNA: we rarely talked at all, sorry that you had to go so early! ELMO: I unfortunately never got to meet you but Laurel is a queen so I’m sad we didn’t start on the same tribes! <ss type="sad">:(</ss> MADISON: Hi Sean! I’m sure you’re an absolutely lovely person, but we never got to know each other in this game so I don’t have much to say to you. I hope you’re doing well! STEPHEN: Buddy you got really unlucky round one and although we didn't talk a ton I could tell you were a nice guy

It was fun, I was in an alliance and I didn’t really have enemies. Just wish I could’ve been there to submit my Idol!

ANNA: you are a very sweet young lady but again like sean, we really didn’t talk so I didn’t see us working well in the future. I hope you play more games! ELMO: Another person I sadly didn’t get to meet this game. What I will say is that your intro was really funny and made me really want to talk to you and get to know you! MADISON: Again, I’m sure you’re LOVELY, but we never got to know each other in this game so I don’t have a lot to say. STEPHEN: Oh Ashlyn, you really got the short end of the stick this game, you trusted me almost immediately but that just rang alarm bells for me, I was worried you would be unpredictable or a liability. I really hope we play in a game together again and get to know each other properly.

My time in this game was truly amazing! Out of the games I’m in, I definitely think this was my favorite. I connected with new people and met up with some very close friends. Sad that the Magic ended a little too early but I’m glad the journey continues for the rest!:) 

ANNA: so you’re someone I feel realllly bad about voting out, you were just super genuine and nice to me and I wish we could have continued our relationship and got to know eachother better. BUT it was you or Stephen and I had to go with you instead of him. I’m sorry!! ELMO: THIS IS LITERALLY INDONESIA 2.0, UGH! We were so well positioned on the OG tribes, only to get screwed by swap AGAIN! I was so happy when I saw you on the cast because I knew that you were someone who would have my back 100% and would be someone I could talk to about pretty much anything. You’re extremely sociable person and I’m really thankful I got to experience another game with you even though the experience was cut way too short <ss type="sad">:(</ss>. Best of luck in other games you’re in, you’ll slay them and I’ll be an obnoxious Sammy stan <ss type="heart">(heart)</ss>  MADISON: MY ROBBED KING! You know I love you so fucking much?? I’m so sorry I voted you out when I did, but I know if I hadn’t I probably wouldn’t be here right now. You’re such an amazing player and an even better person, and even though we didn’t get to work together much in this game I’m so glad I get to call you a friend and I love you so much. STEPHEN: Your vote out was the first time I ever felt a lack of control in this game, and possibly the only time. In my mind there was no reason for us to be at odds in this game but I suddenly woke up to “THEYRE TARGETTING YOU SHFNCKDKR” so yeah, that happened.

ANNA: better luck next time! ELMO: We were on tribes together but never really got to know each other! I tried to make an effort getting to know you but you weren’t really there <ss type="sad">:(</ss> . Your sylveon profile pic is iconic though! MADISON: We hardly talked but I’m sure you’re an icon. I hope you’re having a lovely day! STEPHEN: I didn’t play with you but hi

Omg guysssss so in first survivor game I was 10th and the second I was 9th, so I’m bitter y’all didn’t let me get 8th. However- being a prejury flop was something I foresaw for myself one day or another, and I’m happy it happened now and I got to see this cast evolve and play :) It was fun while it lasted and congrats to everyone that achieved whatever it may be they desired! :)

ANNA: oh Lukas…. I was soooo hopeful that we could work together and then it just didn’t work. We weren’t really communicating very well and we were just honestly very messy together lmao You are a really fun person and I hope we can play again together soon!! ELMO: I WAS SO DAMN EXCITED TO MEET YOU <ss type="sad">:(</ss> but then we were never on a tribe together and that sucked ass! You were so great to watch when you played Alola, I definitely feel like we would have worked together if we had the chance <ss type="sad">:(</ss> MADISON: I.Love.You.So.Fucking.Much!You’re another person I was really sad to vote out but I feel like if I hadn’t I wouldn’t be here. You’re SUCH a good player and I wanted to work with you but I felt like our relationship was too unpredictable by the time I had a chance to vote you out. Regardless you’re one of my favorite people in this community even though we don’t talk much. I hope to be as iconic as you one day. If you think I’m ugly vote me out! STEPHEN: We started out this game in a slightly flimsy alliance and I was actually really excited to work with you. Although this is the third game we played together I never felt we really connected or got to know each other properly. Or maybe we did and you just don’t like me. Either way I look forward to being on a new reunion chat with you.

ANNA: Girl we realllllly never talked, on OG Zonko we got to know each other a little bit and you were just busy with school which i totally get! It’s hard to juggle an org and schoolwork so I feel for you! I hope all your classes went well and I look forward to playing with you in the future because you were great in challenges, I just think we didn’t get to talk all the time because of school! ELMO: Having conversations with you felt super natural and in my opinion talking to you was really refreshing especially since other people were often “very game mode”  and 99% of our talks were just about life! You are kind and someone who was curious of getting to know other people which is a trait I really appreciate in these ORG games. I hope that you aced your exams! <ss type="smile">:)</ss> MADISON: We didn’t talk at all because we were both inactive af when we had a chance to! Regardless I’m sure you’re a QUEEN and I wish I had more to say to you right now. Woo!  STEPHEN: UTR queen unfortunately it just didn’t work with this group. I would've loved to save you but in this game there were a lot of strong players, and instead of all taking each other out we actually combined for a moment to get out some utr/inacts and as a player I jumped on that opportunity because the alternative was extremely dangerous.

I really enjoyed me time. The scav hunt was the best part. It was a kinda simple challenge but you had to search irl which made it funner. Overall I had a great game and can't wait to see what's next

ANNA: Eeeeep. We legit didn’t talk to each other once. You didn’t message me, I didn’t message you. We came together when you were sick according to people so that stinks. I don’t know what happened with us we just did not communicate or talk to each other at all which is such a shame.  ELMO: It’s super rare that I connect with someone as fast as I connected with you. I actually adore you. You’re also the smartest and nicest 13 year old I think I’ve ever met!  You’re were so easy to talk and I always had a blast when we did talk no matter if it was game talk or talk about our personal lives. I was very sad to hear when you had to leave the game because at the time you were probably the only person who I trusted 100%. It was such a pleasure getting to know you Kevin and I hope that everything is going amazing IRL. Ily king & i hope we can stay friends! <ss type="heart">(heart)</ss> MADISON: A charitable king. I was really sad when you had to walk and I hope everything is good for you now!! I’m not totally sure what to say to you either but I’m really glad I got a chance to play with you! STEPHEN: Hi Kevin love to talk to you properly one day

This game was a ton of fun and I had a blast being hosted by two great people. Anything HP related is bound to be fun. It just sucked that I got taken out by sneaky snakes ;)

ANNA: Here we go… I really did love working with you on swap Rosemerta, you are a smart Slytherin who just had to go when you did. The whole thing where you tried to pin Olivia and I against each other happened and I realized just how much I really needed to vote you out. We worked together really well, got Sammy out and voted together on our tribe. I really loved talking to you and even though we turned on each other at the end I hope there are no hard feelings because you were someone I trusted the most in this game.  ELMO: First of all, I’m so sorry how I handled your boot. I should have been straight up and tell what I was doing and I probably hurt you greatly which was never my intention. I was glad there were no grudges held from Indonesia because I was legitimately worried about that. Believe it or not, you weren’t the vote I preferred to do that round but it would have been extremely hard to gather votes to save you due to people who I trusted the most wanting you out. Overall, you’re a swell, super witty and so passionate dude and I’m glad we got to play together again! <ss type="smile">:)</ss> MADISON: Hehe hi. I actually have no idea how you feel about me right now so I have no idea what to address in my ROP for you. First of all I want to say thank you for saving my ass early in the game while I was in New York and couldn’t be active. Voting you out later was one of the hardest votes this game for me, but I also think it was one of my best votes. If you had stayed, the game would’ve gone...SO differently and I truly believe you could’ve won the game. You play SO hard and I’m so impressed by your game every time I play with you. I’m sorry I’ve voted you out twice now. I promise I love you. STEPHEN: I said before I rarely felt powerless in this game but in your round I came very close. When I first heard you were a target my first instinct was to save you, but as I look further ahead I realised voting you out was always going to be a necessary evil and doing it then would open up alliances that wouldn't have been possible if I had saved you. I don’t regret voting you out, but I regret that you were so betrayed by it.

This game was one where I had a surprisingly small amount of anxiety about it and I’ll always remember it with a fondness. I couldn’t even be super depressed about being voted out because this cast is honestly so great and lovable. I started this game with a lot of people that are close friends of mine: Lukas, Joanna, Sammy, Madison, Ashlyn, Stephen. And playing with them was amazing (albeit not Lukas or Ashlyn rip). But my favorite part was meeting and befriending Elmo, the alexes, ruthie, and Anna and everyone else. Thanks to the hosts for being kickass and cute and good luck to everyone. Long live all the kamikaze hoes.

ANNA: You honestly scared the pooooo out of me! You had great relationships with people and I didn’t feel like I was high up on your list of people you would save. So with that thought in my head I had to go with the move when it was presented to me. Girl, I feel like if we were on OG tribes together and had more time to get to know each other, we would have been UNSTOPPABLE together. Sadly, we just didn’t have the time to do that because we only met at merge which obviously meant we had different ties to different people and it just didn’t work out! ELMO: (DANCING) QUEEEEEEEN (abba reference i promised you woo, i’m sorry this was a flop reference!!) The thing I most appreciate about you is that you want to make other people feel great and you’re very caring friend and individual. You’re also one of the best players I’ve ever played with and I was so honored to be your close ally in this game. It was SO irritating when you were voted out but I understand why because if you were kept in the game we would have obliterated the rest of the game TBH! ok I’m rambling, I‘m sorry! You’re all around amazing person, player and human being and I’m really happy to call you a good friend. I can’t wait to talk more after this game is over because I know that we’ll be great friends! :’) ily! Best of luck in Orre, Give ‘em hell!  MADISON: When are we not going to vote each other out of a game? I think we’re tied now? 2-2? Can it end please? Olivia your game is so impressive every time you play. Like you just have to show up and you’re immediately running the game. Unfortunately that means if I want to get farther in the game I have to vote you out! I’m so done! I also don’t know what you want to hear from me here so I’m just gonna say I love you and I hope you’re not mad at me.  STEPHEN: Olivia you and me going at it is basically an international holiday now and I think it comes down not to a dislike of each other but a respect of each others gameplay. But I would like to say that this round was the turning point for my game and a lot of others, but instead of being a round of betrayal like other turning points this is when my new alliances and old ones proved our loyalty to each other and made a big move together. You should always be proud of the game you played because you are awesome at this game, and it took voting out a big player like you to get this game started in earnest.

I’ve made some mistakes in this game, I’ll be the first to admit that. But I had fun making those mistakes and playing with everyone. Hell, I even had fun being screwed over. The fourth time, maybe not so much, but the point is I really enjoyed playing this game. I am not the type of person to wallow in the past, so I do my best to not be salty, and for the most part I’m not. If I had to opportunity to go back and change some things, I don’t think I would have. I think that it is important to learn from your mistakes, and to learn from them is to make them. So catch me in flops, not making a total fool out of myself. But thank you all for this wild ride, and as much as I wish I wasn’t on the jury, I’m glad that I made it this far.  

ANNA: GIIIIRRRLL we had a bumpy road my friend. I’m sorry for lying to you so much but I just had to do that in order for the votes to go through. I hope you understand that nothing I did was personal and all just for game purposes. You are one of the people in this game that I am so happy I got to meet and play with even though we ended on opposite sides. I think after Olivia went you saw that as me lying to you and our relationship wasn’t fixable in the game anymore. I was really close to Stephen all game and you seemed to just want to go for him so that's one of the reasons we couldn’t work together very well. I think you are a tough competitor and very scary when you’re angry haha but I enjoyed getting to know you through this game! ELMO: You were really friendly and positive throughout the season which I really appreciated. Out of everyone, I feel like you were the most robbed and definitely should have made it farther than you did. I’m fairly sure that if Ruthie didn’t have the steal a vote -advantage, you would have survived. I was so GUTTED when you left because I wanted to reach finals with you so bad, ugh. Anyway, we bonded pretty fast on some common interests such as criminal minds and criminal cases. I feel like we are both really similar people which probably helped us connect early on. Also, you were probably the most honest person from the entire cast so it was super easy talking to you and it felt really natural working with you! I hope you destroyed that APUSH exam! GL on Bedarra Island! <ss type="heart">(heart)</ss> MADISON: GOD A QUEEN. Your vote was the only one I was shook by all game. I knew the vote wasn’t going as I was told after everything, but I didn’t know it would be you. You honestly deserved better like you’re one of the nicest people I’ve ever met and you were robbed! I don’t think you’re mad at me? I hope you’re not? I really hope we can be friends after this season because you’re an amazing person.  STEPHEN: Joanna I truly feel that you werent against me the entire game, that after Sammys vote out you were willing to work with us. But I had better options and I did feel bad that I never gave you some kinda hope but in the end loyalty to my alliance won out.

I had a wonderful time this season, I enjoyed meeting new friends, reconnecting with old ones and re enjoying my love for Harry Potter. I have no idea what’s going to happen but it will be fun to watch it play out.

ANNA: RUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHIIIIEEEEEEEEEE, I love you. Ugh, I love you. So when we were on OG Zonko, that first challenge was the video scavenger hunt one and we had a conversation where I opened up to you about my insecurities and how nice it is to just be able to post silly video where I DON’T look pretty and be okay with it. That conversation we had stuck with me to this day and I can’t thank you enough for talking to me and understanding. After that I knew we would be allies and work well together. You are one of the sweetest, honest, genuine human beings I have honestly ever met in my life. It was an HONOR allying you and working together in this game. We really didn’t have to talk 24/7 I just think we always knew in the back of our heads that we had each others backs. I honestly never wanted to go for you, obviously, and I didn’t get the vibe that you wanted me out either. I am so happy I met you Ruthie and I’m so sorry that you left the way you did! Hufflepuffs forever ♡♡♡ ELMO: You were someone who I was really scared of as a player because immediately when we began talking I was like “how is she so friendly and nice!” But tbh that also instantly made me want to talk to you and work with you, and I’m glad we worked for a little bit, even if it was short lived. You were one of the most convincing players this entire season and both times when you voted differently than you said (F8 and F6) I was a bit shook at how convinced I was that you were going to vote the way you said you would. You were a force to be reckoned with in this game and I hope that you’re proud of the game you played. I’m sorry that I didn’t go to rocks for you. I hope that you understand that the risks outweighed the rewards in my position. Regardless of our shaky game relationship, getting to know you was awesome and I’m thankful of all of our talks! <ss type="heart">(heart)</ss> MADISON: ANOTHER QUEEN! I was literally ready to go to rocks to keep you in this game I hope you know. I knew you were the biggest threat to win, but I also knew if I had a remote chance of making it to the end I wanted it to be against someone who deserved it. I’m SO sad you voted Elmo because I don’t know that he would’ve flipped against you in the revote if you hadn’t. I really just wanted to use this to make sure you know I didn’t just vote for Anna in some desperate attempt to get your jury vote if I make it to the end. And to tell you I love you. That’s all. STEPHEN: Another turning point in the game and god was it intense. First off I want to say sorry for not being at that tribal I hope you dont feel any disrespect or anything because in my eyes you were the biggest ftc threat (lot of debate about this). You played an awesome game and I was so happy to be a part of it, a part of me does wonder if that vote could have waited till f5 but then I think Alex would have still made a move just without me.

Can't complain about getting voted out for being a massive threat, right? This was a hell of a group to play against, and I'm proud that for the first time I fought right to the bitter end rather than throw in the towel when it got tough. Mischief managed!

ANNA: Hi friend!! We worked very closely this whole game and I really am glad I got to know you!! I think after the Ruthie thing I kind of closed off to you because I was hearing so much, I mean I talked to you about it and I think if roles were reversed you would have done the same thing. I feel like that immunity was you or me, I win you go home, you win I go home. Maybe I’m wrong but that was just my feeling. I couldn’t not vote you out that round because you always beat me in comps and I feel like I need to win the rest of them to get to FTC. That’s me being 100000% honest. Regardless, we worked VERY well together before the Ruthie vote and you were someone I wanted to go all the way to the end with. We connected on Day 1 and continued a friendship and a working relationship in this game together up until Ruthie. I hope you do understand why I voted you out and I hope we can play together again because gosh dang it you are an INCREDIBLE player. You are great socially, strategically and physically. Thanks for dealing with all my paranoia and being a great ally this game! ELMO: As a person you’re kinda blunt which is something I really like about you You’re also very intelligent which is apparent from the way you played the game. At around f7 I made a confessional about how when people think of a survivor winner they think of a person like you: You’re charismatic, you never fail to make a person smile and you’re sound strategically! All of these qualities make you an awesome person but also a huge threat in the game. You were also a beast in these challenges. I hope that you get player of the season because out of everyone, I think that you deserve it the most. You sir, played a hell of a game! I think I took a risk when I voted you out and you brought up a good point that if you stay, I’ll likely reach the FTC. Ty for our convos and for being a good sport the whole season! MADISON: Where do I even START. You really tried your best last round to stick around and honestly it almost worked on me! But you can’t honestly tell me you were trying to fight THAT hard to stay only to throw final immunity and get voted out. And if you can then...why? I do not understand. You and Olivia were the biggest power players this whole game and if you weren’t in the jury right now you’d probably be winning the game. That being said I absolutely LOVED playing with you. I think our relationship was like perfectly symbiotic? We weren’t really close or particularly loyal to each other but we knew we had to use each other to get farther. I let you take the hit for most of the moves and paint the target on your back while (with the exception of Ruthie’s vote out) I was getting what I wanted. So hella thanks for that. I learned so much in this game from watching you play and I really hope we can be friends after this game because you’re fucking hilarious. STEPHEN: Oh Alex, from day one I felt we really connected and both were strategic thinkers, and from day one I knew I wanted to go far with you….only to vote you out pre-ftc. You told me last round our games were very similar, but thats not a good thing especially when you add on your charisma and challenge ability. I really hope that last round wasn’t too bitter for you because I think without that vote you would have won.