#you get baby jee! what else could you want?

[chiptrillino]

Not gonna lie. I miss your Jee. I don't suppose you have any incomplete sketches you'd be willing to share with us? 🥹

tbh i miss jee too... okay may i offer... me trying to figure out how he could have looked younger?

[ID: digital illustration of three different busts of Lt. jee from avatar the last aribender. wearing a red cape and black undershirt. frowning, looking to the left side. on the left its Jee in senior age. in the middle jee as teen and on the right jee as baby. text on the right side above the head indicates the age stage. End ID.]

[samantha-chicago]

Proposal

Request: Hi there! Would love to put in an eddie diaz request please! Eddie proposes to reader. Eddie knows he wants to do it and has a ring ready and a plan or he has the ring but just sees a perfect opportunity and takes it? Then they maybe celebrate after?? Thanks 😊

Pairing : Eddie Diaz x Reader

It had been a horrible call, and the whole station knew about it. Everyone felt it in different ways. Many just stayed quiet, some going to the gym, but Eddie walked to his locker and stared at the little velvet box on the inside. Buck walked up behind him, placing his hands on Eddie’s shoulders. 

“You’ve still got that thing?” Buck 6 over his shoulder, and Eddie nodded

“I’ve just never found the right time to do it” He sighed, sitting on the bench and shutting the door to hide the ring box again. 

“Eddie. Do it now. God knows both you and Y/N, and well, everyone else in this station needs a little cheering up. You’re perfect for each other. You’ll never find a perfect time if you keep waiting” Buck shook his head, and Eddie looked over with a nod getting up. 

Meanwhile, you were sitting upstairs sipping on a cup of coffee to relieve the stress from the call. Hen, Chimney, and Bobby sat off to the side. Eddie rushed up the stairs and over to you. You looked over as he took the coffee cup out of your hands, exciting a whine from your lips. 

“You can get your coffee back in a minute, baby. I promise I just need to borrow you for a minute” He smiled, and you nodded, getting up and following him back down the stairs. Eddie walked you both to a hidden space behind the firetrucks where not a single person could see you no matter how busy it got. 

“Why are you down here? You’re not planning on killing me, are you?” You joked, and he shook his head.

“I’ve been fighting about this for ages. Buck finally talked some sense into me, and I figured no time like the present” You frowned, looking at him

“It definitely sounds like you’re about to kill me” Eddie held your hands, looking into your eyes. He gently placed a kiss to your knuckles before getting down on one knee. Your frown deepened as he dropped one of your hands and reached into one of his many pockets and pulled out the small velvet box. 

“Eddie, what are you doing?” You asked as he looked up at you, his hands shaking as he did. 

“Of course I will” You smiled as he slid the ring on your finger. He stood up, hugging you tightly as your lips pressed together for a long kiss. 

“I love you so much, Y/N. You’re the love of my life, and Christopher loves you, which also pushed my decision towards doing this because Christopher is everything to me. Well, joint number one because no one can ever beat Christopher. Now I’m blabbering” You smiled watching him.

“As I was saying. You’re the love of my life, and there’s no one else I would ever want to spend every day of my life with, and today after that call just helped me realise that even more. Y/N L/N I want to spend every day of my life with you, and I love you so much. Will you marry me?” He asked, and your hands covered your mouth as you started to tear up. You always proud yourself for not crying on shift 

✰✰✰

Later that night, everyone was gathered into Bobby’s house. Bobby cooking on the grill, May, Harry, Denny, and Christopher running about and playing with each other as you sat on Eddie’s lap. His hand wrapped around your waist and head resting on your shoulder as everyone talked. Music quietly played in the background as everyone sat talking. Your hands played with Eddie’s hands as you spoke to Maddie, who was cuddling Jee-Yun, who was happily falling asleep in your arms. 

Sat imagining how that could be you and Eddie in a few years. Christopher is off playing while you’re sitting cuddling your baby and Eddie at the same time. 

“Are you okay, baby? You’ve gone quiet?” Eddie asked quietly, pressing a kiss to your neck just under your ear. You nodded quietly, turning your head to place a kiss to his lips 

“Just imagining our future together” you whispered against his lips, and he smiled 

“Oh yeah? What does that look like?” He asked 

“Christopher off playing, us sat cuddling each other and our little baby” You smiled 

“You want a baby?” He asked, and you nodded 

“Of course I do. Do you?” You asked now just realising that the topic had never come up before

“I’d love to give Christopher a sibling” He smiled, pressing yet another kiss to your lips. Your hands wrapped around his neck and softly played with the hair at the nape of his neck. The perfect way to end the day. 

Taglist

@halsteadbrasil @marvelmenarebeautiful @certifiedwootiny @oliviah-25 @Dreamsingr @Scaramou @tringeorge

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Costume Meta 6x16

Thank you costume department for giving me an easy ride this week after a couple of weeks of epics!!!!

So there aren’t a lot of costumes to talk about this week (only 9) and only for 4 characters - Jee-Yun, Maddie, Chimney and Hen. Everyone else was in uniform the entire time. There wasn’t even all that much going on with the uniforms to talk about either - they didn’t single anyone character out as separate from the rest!

In more general terms we got to see check and stripe theory at play again on the characters in peril or trouble. We continue to get children in peril foreshadowing going on and I was obsessed with the choice to put Jayden in an army green zip up top an a tee with hand prints all over the front. It wasn’t only a nod towards the many voices making light work of locating him when he snuck off, but it also would appear to be foreshadowing for the idea that it will take many hands to rescue Chim (and whomever else needs saving) in the finale.

As always its below the cut to save your dash!

Jee-Yun

Baby Jee why you have to be so cute? Ok so other than the adorable way she kept staring at Bobby in the scene in his office her little denim jacket was very cute. I’m intrigued by the fact that we had Chris in a denim jacket last week and we’ve got Jee in one this week, I think I’ve talked about it in one of my previous costume meta’s, but Denim jackets are a symbol of rebellion, freedom, change and comfort. To me the use of these denim jackets (and we can include the sort of one Maddie wore in this as well) are a form of foreshadowing - telling us that change is coming/happening. For Chris last week it could be symbolic of the Diaz boys moving on from Shannon and while still honouring her and including her in their lives, they are in a place to make change and move forward. While For Jee it is being connected in with the engagement ring and so represents the change in family dynamic that is upcoming reenforcing the engagement (and subsequent marriage) of Madney. In both cases the suggestion is that the change will be a comfortable one.

these pyjamas are just so lovely - I want grown up sized ones please!! They do however have some super interesting potential meanings attached to them. Firstly I would not be surprised if the choice of floral pyjamas (again attached to the ring) are foreshadowing Jee-Yun flower girl duties at the Madney wedding. Secondly the choice to have ones that are only partly coloured in is interesting - it suggests there is still ongoing work and that things aren’t finished yet - its a work in progress - here telling us the engagement isn’t a foregone conclusion in the way we perhaps think - there are lots of ways this could be read - Maddie proposing before Chim, Jee handing the ring over, the ring being found, them both proposing to each other - lots of possibilities - the unfinished nature of the pyjama print is likely telling us things are not going to go as we expect them to! then there is the types of flowers on the pyjamas and wha they mean in relation to the arc of this episode, but also more widely with Maddie. There are two main flowers on these pyjamas - gerbera daisies and sunflowers. Gerbera’s mean cheerfulness and loyal love, while the sunflowers represent happiness, loyalty, resilience, hope, endurance and enduring love and if you are not seeing how those meanings perfectly describe Madney then I don’t know what to tell you! Sunflowers are also closely connected with hidden disabilities and especially with mental health, this is where the resilience and endurance comes from - I think they are supposed to further highlight Maddie’s mental health struggles which were discussed in the episode, but their appearance on Jee show us the bright side - the hope that comes from fighting on and coming out the other side - it ultimately connects into the ‘I got out of the ocean for you, for both of you’ of it all - the idea of following your own personal sun!

Maddie

Fascinated by the choice to have Madde in black and purple for both her costumes this week. The first is a black top under a black jacket with a yellow and purple check pattern as well as a cat, skull and wing logo dotted across the jacket. Black is a power colour, but it is also about concealing vulnerabilities, while purple can be a colour that encourages self knowledge and deepens our understanding of our innermost self. I think their use in both costumes here is not so much about Maddie in the scenes we see her in, as much as it is reflecting on the amount of growth and work she has done on herself to get to where she is right now - how she concealed how vulnerable she was from everyone including Chimney back in season 5 when she was at her lowest with PPD. Then the presence of purple shows us how much Maddie has learnt and how far she has come - it is an indicator of her current state - she is in a good place and has a good understanding of both herself and of her relationship with Chimney. That isn’t to say that Maddie isn’t still concealing vulnerability - we have seen her talk with Josh about not wanting to change the status quo because they are in a good place so there is still an element of underlying tension etc which will need to be resolved before the engagement can become a reality.

Then we get this black shirt worn with bright purple sweats. The two heart necklaces are worn in both scenes this episode, the smaller heart necklace is a new one, the larger one has been around all season and has seemingly been used interchangeably to represent different characters at different times. What I find interesting about Maddie now having two hearts rathe than one is that idea that the large heart was much more about family - this included Buck. It still does mean family, but now with the smaller heart it suggests there is a division between familial love and a different type of love - romantic love. To me this diviion at this moment is important. it tells us that Maddie has previously kept Chimney in the box of family - so while she loves him and is in love with him and fully committed to the relationship they have, it has always been a whole - a part of her familial love. This has been a self preservation tactic for her - she still bears the scars of her marriage to Doug and keeping Chimney in the box alongside family is a way of her protecting herself. Now though, now we have it separated - it is smaller, not because it is lesser, but because it is a tentative step - testing the waters as it were - a representation of Maddie deciding that it is safe enough to set that love free properly, that she is ready to take that leap again and have a marriage not just a family.

Chim

Chim being almost entirely in grey this week (with a blue marl tee under the grey zip front hoodie) started wit the grey shirt we see him in at the jewellery store. this shirt is a cleaver piece of costuming because it has both a horizontal stripe and a check pattern on it. the white horizontal stripes play in to stripe theory - change is coming for Chim, while the darker grey vertical lines help to create a check pattern which continues the Chim in check theme we’ve seen all series and is very much foreshadowing his being in danger and impending injury.

Chim’s grey zip front hoodie is a waffle knit which gives it a subtle check pattern, so here again we have more check on Chimney - all building up to whatever peril he is going to be in in the season finale. Grey is a conservative colour and is associated with being unemotional but also compromise. It is also a colour of  stability and control, so I found it especially fascinating for him to be wearing it throughout this episode where he appears to be anything but unemotional, stable and in control! 

I do however thing the grey is an intentional call back to his father - who we saw in a lot of grey. It makes me think of the conversation Chim had abut his father with Myung-Soon about him not being able to make his first relationship work, or his business, however his relationship with Myung-Soon has workd - well as has his business - when he was in the right place. 

With their being a loud call back to Tatiana and Chim not being able to make that relationship work because ultimately they wanted different things, whereas his relationship with Maddie has worked despite all of the obstacles they have faced and Chimney is successful in his career (hello very pointed visual of Chim in the captains chair and office!). I’m also amused at the choice to have him wearing a head torch - a nod to the ring box having a little light in it and it being empty - in the same way that Chim’s search for the ring in the garbage heap is also coming up empty.

Hen

This Celtic knot jumper is my favourite outfit of the episode. the red white and blue hints at patriotism, but in this case I think the patriotism is code for being supportive towards your friends and family - as we see Hen doing here - supporting Chim even though she has reservations about him proposing to Maddie. 

The use of Celtic knots - specifically the Solomons Knot is a really cool choice. Celtic knots in a general sense mean infinity or eternity - and can be attached to various concepts such as faith, friendship or romantic love. The Solomons knot specifically has connections to wisdom and knowledge as well as having a connection to the endless cycle of time and the concept of setting things in motion. These are all meanings that connect with this scene so well, the other thing to consider though is that these knots aren’t just found in western culture. they are commonly found in African culture - the knot is often found on the clothing of the Yoruba people where it denotes royal status, and on the people of the Kuba, it has a very different meaning, it is known as the Kramo bone symbol and means "one being bad makes all appear to be bad"

The duality of meanings is fascinating to me - I think the jumper is signalling Hens unending love for Chimney as her friend, but also hints at her reservations about Maddie - that idea of one being bad makes all bad is pretty interesting in the context - the idea that Hen isn't convinced about Maddie because she 'abandoned' Chimney and Jee once. It hints at Hen making sweeping decisions or forming an opinion based on one thing rather than seeing the whole picture - its about Hen not being in the relationship and therefore not seeing all the parts of it - its a direct call to The speech Eddie made on Bucks balcony in season 5 about Buck not being in Maddie and Chim’s relationship and Buck loving Maddie in a different way to the way Chim loves her because he knows her in a different context. 

Yellow hoodied Hen my beloved! Its just such a good colour on her! It does of course (as always) represent communication - and in this instance, a representation of the fact that Hen and Chimney are communicating properly once more - they had their talk and are now back on the same page and back to getting themselves into trouble together! The white trousers we definitely a choice! Although I think what the costume department were trying to do here was show Hen getting her hands dirty in a physical way - in a visual representation of penance - undertaking a mucky and unpleasant task asa way of making up for her not talking openly with Chim about her concerns. 

“Oh what a tangled webs we weave when first we practice to deceive!” The Walter Scott quote appears apt on the surface for this hoodie Hen wears at the end of the episode, as it looks to be a web like design. I however didn’t think the web metaphor fit here - if we’d seen her in it at the beginning of the episode, it absolutely would as she tangled herself up in a web throughout the episode. 

To me it looks more like shattered glass or broken ice (interestingly enough the pattern is described as sea ice on the designers website!) both are perfect analogies for Hen at this moment - her preconceived notions and her illusions and worries have been shattered. The broken glass could represent the image she saw of how things were in Madney’s relationship have been shattered - it can represent her dismantling the image she saw - the reflection (which is never the actual reality) and recognising it as false enabling her to move on and forward. The broken ice metaphor is both playing into the concept of ‘breaking the ice’ like those silly office team building games etc that get played - Hen breaking the ice post her and Chim’s big conversation from earlier. But the broken ice metaphor can also be about being trapped in a way of thinking and without obvious escape without help. It’s a nod to the fact that Chimney offering his forgiveness to Hen is an act of breaking the ice that had covered their relationship - Hen being the one wearing it is a representation of the person who created the ice in the first place. 

I didn’t manage to get this out as quickly as I’d hoped this week, real life decided it wanted me to be very busy!! But I go there in the end! hope you enjoyed reading it and let’s see what next week brings us (I think it might be a case of normal service resuming and there being a million costumes to talk about!!

As always, tag list below! Until the next episode! 💜💜💜

@mistmarauder​ @theladyyavilee​  @leothil​ @girldadbuddie​ @kitkatpancakestack​  @buckscurls​ @lemotmo​ @trashendence​ @elishareads​  @clipboardsandstethoscopes​ @comfortbuddie​ @fiona-fififi​  @callanee​ @calyssmarviss​ @pbandjeremiah​ @batgrldes​  @spotsandsocks​ @livingwherethesidewalkends​  @idontshitpostbuttheolympicpark​ @diazboysbuckley​ @sweettsubaki​ @shortsighted-owl​ @sherlocking-out-loud​ @wh0re-behavi0r​  @favouritealias​ @hearteyesdiaz​​  @ktinastrikesback​  @princesschez75​​ @bucksbuddie​​ @oneawkwardcookie​​  @leatherati​​ @moniquekatie​​ @wanderingwomanwondering​​  @trickster-archangel​​  @asharadaine​​ @ajunerose  @talespinner230​​ @pop-kam​​ @swiftiebuckleys​​ @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx​​ @butchjerry​​ @mandzuking17​​ @yelenasbuddie​​ @copyninjabuckley​​ @name-code-black-widow @rogerzsteven​​ @bi-moonlight​​ @usercowboy​​ @inthecarwithaboy​​ @inandoutoffocus-blog​​ @toboldlynerd​​

[honorarybuckley]

maddie calls chimney first. he answers before the phone can ring even once.

“maddie? what happened? is he...” he can’t bear to complete that sentence. doesn’t want to jinx it with the word alive and can’t believe in a world where he’s dead.

“he’s waking up, howie.” a smile starts to bloom, heard in her voice and coloring her face with relief and awe. chimney lets out a whoop loud enough that he’s probably woken up jee. he doesn’t really care if he wakes up the entire world right now because the one person who needed to wake up the most finally has. albert runs in from the other room and chim gives him a thumbs up. albert smiles and leaves, presumably to tell sang and myung the good news.

“he started breathing on his own after a few seconds and now he’s in and out of consciousness. they’re going to want to do tests but everything looks good at the moment.” maddie sits on a chair in the waiting room, unwilling to stray too far from buck’s room or their parents’ sides. it’s the first time in days the space hasn’t been haunted by a stream of visitors for buck. she’d finally convinced everyone to wait at home for the news, knowing that the weight of their collective grief could level the hospital if things had gone the other way. she should know better than to underestimate her baby brother.

“when can we come see him?” chim asks, wiping a rogue tear off his cheek, already making plans. he’ll need to ask his dad and myung to watch jee-yun. albert will probably want to go to the hospital. his skin feels tight at the thought of leaving his daughter alone with his father even if it’s not the first time this week, but he knows that it’s the decision that makes the most sense and his need to see buck outweighs his discomfort at the moment.

“not until the morning,” maddie sighs, a knowing note in her tone that anticipates his impatience. “he'll be out of it for a while longer and then they won’t move him out of the icu until they’ve run all their tests. i will probably be home late tonight and we can come in together, ok?”

“got it.” chimney bounces on the balls of his feet, suddenly full of energy. he can wait eighteen hours. totally. “uh, what about you? do you need anything? what can i do?”

“i’m fine chim,” she promises, “but could you maybe call everyone else? i want to get back to him.”

“yeah, yeah. sure thing.” he makes his way to jee’s room to check on her just to have something to do with his body. “go back and give him our love. let him know the swarm is coming,” he laughs.

“thanks, chim, love you.”

“i love you too.”

—————

chimney knows he should start with bobby but the frenetic thrum in his blood needs to hear hen’s soothing voice so he dials her first.

“chim? has maddie called?” hen asks as soon as she picks up, steady as ever.

“he’s awake.”

instantly hen’s facade crumbles and without warning, she starts crying. karen rushes in from the kitchen at the sound, a potato peeler still in her hand. hen does her best to smile for her wife and it’s enough for karen. for now. she comes to sit with her and hen clings. for days she’s tried to be strong, be the support for everyone around her as they try to keep it together, only letting her fears out once she goes home to her wife at the end of the day. but with two words it all becomes dust.

“hen? hey, it’s okay. i said he’s awake,” chim repeats as if she’d heard him wrong. past her heavy breathing, she can practically hear him pacing. while she tries to pull the pieces of herself spilling out on the floor back together, chim keeps talking, excited and concerned.

“maddie says we can see him first thing tomorrow. they should have him in a room by then. i’m not going to bother with shifts, i doubt anyone would stick to them anyway. they’ll just have to deal with all of us." the pattern of hen’s breathing has calmed and she even chuckles softly at the mental image of the full force of the 118 crowding into a tiny hospital room. “he’s gonna be okay, hen.”

karen cups hen’s cheek in her damp hand and wipes a thumb through the path of her tears before kissing her once on each cheek. she silently slips back into the kitchen.

“i can’t believe it,” hen admits, the familiar haunting image of buck’s body hanging above them all invading her mind like an unwanted guest.

“i know,” chimney sighs. “one day his luck is gonna run out.”

they sit in the eerie, weighted silence that thought deserves for a moment.

“not today, though.”

“‘there is only one thing we say to death,’” chim quips. hen snorts and rolls her eyes but doesn’t respond. “ok, ok. well i need to go call bobby and eddie but could you do me a favor?”

warmed and only slightly surprised at being his first call, hen hums in affirmation.

“could you swing by the firehouse at shift change and let them know? i know collins wanted to come see buck and i bet there are a few others who’d like to tag along.”

“they’re going to kick us out, you know.” hen stands, ready to go tell denny the good news.

“let them try.”

—————

bobby is next and oddly doesn’t answer. he calls back before chimney can redial though.

“how is he?” a heavy door closes behind him and chimney can hear road noise nearby.

“where are you?” he asks, his curiosity enough to distract him.

“at church. chim, how is he?” bobby repeats, a thread of desperation in his voice. he sidesteps a couple entering the building, absentmindedly rolling his rosary between his fingers.

“oh, right, sorry.” chimney knocks his fist against his forehead twice. “he’s awake, cap.”

bobby’s breath gets caught in his throat, the world is abruptly knocked back on its axis and it nearly sends him to the ground.

chimney begins to wonder if he was really the correct person to be responsible for spreading this news. first he breaks hen and now bobby.

“bobby? are you ok? do you need me to come pick you up or something?”

“no, no i’m fine," bobby reassures, still breathless. “he’s awake.”

it isn’t a question but chimney responds anyway to help cement this moment in reality for them both. “yeah, he’s awake.”

bobby nods even though he knows chimney can’t see him. he stands frozen, caught somewhere between running home to athena and going back inside for another prayer, just in case, just to say thank you.

“so we’re all meeting at the hospital at eleven for visiting hours,” chim continues, not entirely sure bobby is listening. “i assume i’ll see you there?”

“i wouldn’t be anywhere else.”

—————

finally, it’s time to call eddie.

chim takes a moment to prepare himself, unsure of what to expect from this particular conversation. after very nearly breaking in the moments following the lightning strike, eddie had walked the halls of the hospital like a ghost in the following days. unable to enter buck’s room but unwilling to leave, he instead went on coffee run after coffee run and in between stared blankly into space as if he were already in mourning. in a way he was.

the phone rings once, twice, then a third and fourth time. chimney is expecting to hear eddie’s voicemail message when the call finally connects.

“yeah?”

chim freezes. eddie sounds even more rough than a breathless bobby, than hen after she broke down in tears. unable to see the stoic look on his face, chimney can better hear the pain in eddie’s voice. so sharp it cuts at chimney’s heart until it’s bleeding through his fingers.

eddie sucks in a deep, shuddering breath against the silence. “oh god.” he falls back onto his couch but it feels as though he’d missed it entirely and is just continuously falling. he’d known this was coming he’d just thought—

“oh shit, no eddie,” chim rushes to say. he definitely shouldn’t have been the one to make this call. “he’s fine. he’s awake,” he repeats for what feels like the millionth time today. it’s never felt more hollow.

eddie takes another deep breath and pinches the bridge of his nose to stave off the tears he can feel coming. it’s a losing battle. he roughly swipes at one when it begins to fall as his thoughts start to spiral.

images of buck swaying lifelessly just out of reach and laying so still hooked up to endless machines have all but painted over every happy memory eddie has of him, dimming his effortless light into something gray and isolating. he’s never felt as alone as he has in these past few days, even when surrounded by his family, there was always that empty space growing bigger.

but buck is alive and what’s more, he’s awake. his light is burning bright again and eddie would give anything to see it right now.

“eddie?” myung enters the kitchen and chimney quietly slips outside to offer eddie some privacy. “did you hear me?”

“yeah,” his voice breaks. another tear falls and this one he lets go, carving a path for others to follow. he’s glad carla isn’t back yet with chris. he needs time to pull himself together but for now, he lets himself feel it. to ache with the knowledge that just across town, buck’s eyes are finally open. “he’s awake.” he’s awake he’s awake he’s awake.

“yeah, buddy.” chim can tell that he needs to get off the phone soon. to let eddie process this news in his own way. “we can’t see him until the morning but we’re all heading over when visiting hours start.” it’s on the tip of his tongue to ask if eddie will be there but he knows there’s no need.

“i’ll have to pull christopher from school,” eddie says suddenly. “he’ll never forgive me if i don’t let him come.”

“yeah, probably,” chim laughs, surprised by the change in subject. it’s a good note to leave on he thinks. “well, i should probably go, unless...”

“i’m fine, man. promise,” he adds for good measure, scrubbing a hand over his face. “i’ll see you tomorrow.”

chimney says goodbye and eddie hangs up the phone letting it fall to the sofa beside him. tomorrow. it’s promised to no one, but just this once eddie is positive the sun will continue to rise.

[queerbuckleys]

LEARN MY DREAMS AREN’T RARE

[665 words | 6x09 coda | buck & eddie]

a/n: so i write this in the last 40 minutes of work and posting from my phone on the bus because well was thinking about how buck had never canonically said “i want kids and a family” it’s just something we have read about his character thoroughly. also because when he said “i’m gonna be a father” it wasn’t that literal. buddie crumbs cause i can’t write them without it and mentions of canon death and pregnancy. title from you’re on your own kid by taylor swift. enjoy!

Eddie wakes up, his face still scrunched against the couch cushion, to his phone buzzing again.

“-ello?” his voice cracks a little.

“Hi,” Buck says carefully, “I um, you never said anything?”

Eddie can tell that Buck is chewing his lip.

“You seemed excited,” he breathes out and swallows.

“Yeah, I am excited for my friends. And I’m excited because they are because they have been to hell and back to have this little thing that I could help out with.”

Eddie hums as he makes a cup of coffee and listens for the signs of Christopher getting up.

“What do you want me to say Buck?”

“I want to know what it was like for you when you found out about Christopher,” Eddie hears the swallow.

“Buck,”

“I know it’s different and that’s not what I- I just when I said that knowing that it was a clarification and not something that I am going to be saying for real anytime soon, and then I was holding this onesie and-”

“Onesie?”

“I got Connor and Kameron a LAFD onesie for the baby.”

“Oh,” Eddie says softly as he imagines the tiny piece of clothing. “What were you thinking about?”

“I just, I know now that it’s not the only chance I’ll get or whatever. And I think it’s something that deep down, it’s what I’ve wanted, but I have never said it out loud before. Because throughout my life my idea of family was based on my parents.”

Eddie scoffs a little and mumbles out a half apology.

“Yeah, so you can see why subconsciously I would not want that. But then I found home here, and now Maddie’s here- and she has a house! And the most adorable menace of a daughter. And then seeing Connor and Kameron so excited and so happy. It just made me realize that I want it, I want that excitement for the future and building a home where I can have family group hugs on the couch-”

“Well to do that you would need that particular piece of furniture and at this rate-”

“Hahaha very funny.”

“I would love to tell you that the feeling is always like that but since you asked, I was terrified. But we were barely in our twenties and it was a surprise. It was different,” he adds softly.

“Would you do it all again?”

“I mean, “it all” is a pretty loose term there Buck. But I- the only time I thought I did have that opportunity Shannon asked for a divorce and then died. So-”

“Oh, you never told me that.”

Eddie bites his lip, “Yeah, think that part of the story kinda gets lost in everything else. But that time, those brief moments when we thought, when she told me she might be pregnant again I was still terrified. Hopeful, but terrified. Because I knew another kid would never have fixed our marriage.”

“Oh.”

“Buck, that doesn’t mean it’s always scary when it happens with the right person at the right time. Have you asked Chimney? They were excited right? Even though Jee was a bit of a surprise they were solid.”

“Yeah,”

“It’s different for everybody. And like you said, you will still have that chance.”

“Morning Dad,” Christopher says from behind him. He turns around and smiles at his son moving to grab the milk and cereal, “Morning kid, from Buck too,”

“Morning Buck!” Chris says a little louder so it can be heard at the other end of the line.

“So, are we going couch shopping soon?” Eddie asks with a light teasing tone.

“I don’t know, I still need to think about this more. But maybe.”

“Okay, well let me know okay? We can always talk, Buck.”

“Yeah. I know.”

The phone beeps and Eddie stares at it for awhile with the sounds of Christopher pouring cereal faintly in the background.

“Would you ever want to do it all again?” Running through his head.

[canonicallyobserving911]

Is it possible Philip Buckley is NOT Buck’s biological father?

Part of this speculation was posted yesterday (link here) regarding the way it appeared in 6x10 “In a Flash” that the Buckley parents might be harboring another family secret and it could have something to do with Buck’s conception. This post includes additional evidence to further support this theory/speculation.

Based on the comments made during the second Buckley and Han family meal, it appears Philip might not be biologically related to Buck because all the fathers in the scene wore blue shirts.

Mr. Han who is Chimney’s and Albert’s dad wore a light blue shirt with darker blue strips on it and the color of his shirt signifies the uncertainty of his relationship with Chimney.  If their relationship wasn’t on rocky ground, his shirt would have been a darker shade of blue.

Chimney wore a darker blue shirt with a navy-blue checkerboard print because he’s Jee-Yun’s biological father.

Buck wore a navy-blue shirt (the Buckley-Diaz Family color) with a black t-shirt underneath it which signifies he’s already a dad to Christopher Diaz.  Please note, Buck told his parents, “I’m the donor, Connor’s the father” which means at this point, him being the biological contributor to Connor and Kameron’s child is irrelevant.

Albert wore an olive-green shirt with a black jacket because he’s not a dad.

Philip wore a lavender button-down with a grey sweater on top of it. He’s supposed to be Maddie’s and Buck’s father but the color of his shirt proved otherwise.

Maddie wore a blue blouse to signify she’s Buck’s sister and Jee-Yun’s mother.

Additional evidence to support this theory happened multiple times throughout the scene.  First, after Buck explained his former roommate asked him to be his sperm donor, Philip reluctantly asked, “And you said yes?” then Margaret hesitantly asked, “So you’re the father?”  That’s when Buck replied, “I’m the donor, Connor’s the father”.  It appears Buck may have magically become aware of his role in Connor’s and Kameron’s baby’s life during the hiatus, even though his actions in 6A proved otherwise.

The picture above shows Buck’s parents’ reaction to his statement and they both looked like there was information Buck still hasn’t been made aware of.  Margaret looked shocked and Philip looked like he was hiding something.

Second, when Mr. Han asked, “Philip, you’re going to allow this?” Philip responded, “It’s not really for me to allow” but Mr. Han interrupted him and said, “A man cannot raise a child fathered by another man.  It’s unnatural”.

Then Chimney spoke up and said, “Says, the expert in child rearing, huh?  I would think you would relate to Buck’s decision… father them and let someone else raise them!”  Mr. Han then said, “A man who cannot control his family is not a man”.

That’s when Philip interrupted and deflected the conversation off him and Margaret when he told Mr. Han both of his sons were forced to hide from him in another country. He did the same thing Margaret did when she told Buck she was happy for him when she really wasn’t happy at all.

The picture above shows Buck standing in the shadows while the rest of the biologically related Buckley family members were out front standing in the light.

Therefore, the evidence begs the question, did Margaret and Philip use a sperm donor to conceive Buck so he could save Daniel?  If they did and they haven’t told him, it could explain their weird behavior in 6x10 especially since they did a complete 180 degree turn from the actions they displayed 2 years ago.

Reminder, in 4x5 “Buck Begins” Philip was the one who held on to Daniel’s bicycle and when Margaret said they agreed to get rid of everything, he replied that he just wanted something to remember him by.

Then in 4x4 “9-1-1 What’s Your Grievance?” after they gave Maddie her baby box, when Buck asked where his was, his parents looked at each other like they weren’t expecting him to still be around and that’s why they didn’t have one for him.

Margaret was the one who was always about to become unglued and Philip was the one who tried to hold the family together.  He was the one who packed up the family and moved them to Hershey, PA and in 4x4 he said the people in the city they lived in judged them for having Evan and it got worse after Daniel died. He said Margaret wasn’t in any state to deal with it, so he thought they should move to have a fresh start.

A 6B BTS picture of the name plate on Buck’s equipment locker shows the ley in the name Buckley covered up with an X.  In mathematics the letter X represents the unknown, so if Philip is not his dad and Buck finds out in 6B, it could be the reason why the last part of the name is covered which would also illustrate the way Buck will get rid of the last name Buckley sometime in the near future.

Finally, it could be the reason why they never visited Buck when he was in the hospital in seasons 2 and 3.   Sometimes patients need blood transfusions and if they test the Buckley parents’ blood, would it reveal Philip’s not Buck’s daddy? Maybe!  They’ll be at the hospital in 6x11 “In Another Life” but will they go into Buck’s hospital room? (Detailed post linked here.)

It seems like the Buckley parents are hiding something but they haven’t admitted what they’re hiding yet.

So… the question remains, is Philip Buckley, Buck’s biological father?  Only the showrunners(s), writers and producers know the answer to that question but based on the upcoming episodes, the answer could be revealed soon.

[outrunningthedark]

“Either way, he didn't misunderstand the assignment. He did what was asked of him and has said all the right things. What he didn't do was consider how he felt about it.”

This sums it up perfectly. Buck knows what he’s doing. He does how much they want this how important it is to them. He is aware that he won’t be the father. But he hasn’t truly taken the take to reflect how it will make him feel.

At this point in the arc I think either a. It’s not his and then it’ll turn into but he wanted it to be and what does that mean or b. It is his they forget but the baby/kid comes back in the future if needed (aka writers have no new ideas and the show has many more seasons)

I do wonder if what’s happening with Denny and henren right now will be related back to Buck but I’m not sure.

Your two scenarios are literally the only ways this can go, and I will continue adding my personal caveat re: *if* it's Buck's baby because a successful donation at the end of an episode called Cursed (when the general consensus was that Buck would realize this wasn't what he was meant to do and decline before things got serious) has me like 👀 If there is a baby though, I pray people don't start listening to the folks who say this storyline is "realistic" and Buck could absolutely move on without looking back because sperm donors do it everyday. THIS IS TELEVISION. THEY'RE NOT GOING TO GIVE A MAIN CHARACTER A BABY (even if he's not the one raising them) FOR IT TO NEVER BE MENTIONED AGAIN AS LONG AS THERE'S STILL TIME. You know what's reaaaaaally annoying about this storyline? That it has to get dragged out into/through 6B just like BT because Buck is the only character left without a family of his own. For reasons. Bathena's storylines are bumps in the road (because that's what happens in every marriage) or something related to their kids that only needs a few episodes to explore. Hen's biggest storylines will always connect to her marriage/her home life. Maddie has her work. But she also has Chimney and Jee. Chimney's scenes have to do with Maddie and Jee. Eddie has Chris to think about/take care of. The show gives us that relationship, but ends things nicely by the end of the hour. Buck, though???? How do you give a guy with no biological/adopted children or a life partner fresh, new storylines throughout an 18 episode season? Ya don't. You pick one thing to focus on, stretch that out for as long as possible (even though it means taking breaks for weeks at a time), and then maybe also put him in someone else's storyline so it looks like the show is doing something different.

[littlerosetrove]

To anyone who is worried about the Buckley parents getting a redemption arc. I’m confident that is not what the writers are doing. Allow me to dump my thoughts in bullet point format, and in no particular order. 

As @homerforsure already stated in their post, this fussing over Buck while he’s injured is not new behavior. (their post)

Through subtle writing and from the acting, I think particularly from the actress who plays Margaret, Margaret has been showing that she doesn’t approve of things in both Maddie and Bucks lives. Like, it’s clear, for example, the she is putting on a front, a facade. Her comment about loving the backsplash in Maddie and Chim’s house, when Maddie new she wouldn’t like it? Yeah, the acting gave away that no, Margaret doesn’t like it, but she’s playing nice. Why is she and Phillip playing nice? Well thankfully @extasiswings already wrote an awesome meta post about the role the Buckley parents are playing. Please read their post in full, but the tl;dr is that the Buckley parents do not want to take accountability for the wrong they’ve done to their kids, Maddie and Buck. All they want is a do-over, a clean slate, with Jee-Yun. And someone, though I can’t remember who, said that Margaret is only seeing Maddie as a uterus machine to give Margaret more grandkids. Fucking ouch, but I think that’s true. 

The fucking couch metaphor!! Even Oliver has talked about Bucks couch in 1-2 interviews (that I’m aware), and yeah folks, the couch is a metaphor for Bucks romantic relationships. So! Margaret is going to buy Buck a couch? We all know it’s not going to fit or work for Buck, because Buck needs to choose the right couch this time (re: the Eddie of it all, and Eddie is the right fit for Buck, and these two are getting there. we all need some patience). 

Speaking of Margaret trying to buy and decorate her children’s places. So Margaret wanted to buy flowers to decorate (liven up??) Maddie’s place. If Margaret offered something else, I can’t remember at the moment. Sure, luckily for her, Maddie seemed on board because Jee-Yun loves colorful things and flowers.   Back to Buck, Margaret wants to buy Buck a couch, and then threw in “you need a rug” or something. For now Buck is just rolling with it (because it’s been “nice.” Bucks used that word twice. “nice.” hmm seems like Buck hasn’t quite let go of this family fantasy he has with the Buckley parents in particular, but I think given a little more time, that bubble will break), but particularly when it comes to Buck, this smells to me of Margaret “subtly” trying to get Buck to conform to what she wants. Trying to show Buck “this is how things should be done” and “you should follow this path.” You feel me? 

Don’t even get me started on Margaret calling Buck a “miracle baby.” 🤨 That was screaming to me that she still only sees Buck as spare parts. 

Yo, in Bucks coma dream? Now we know everything was in Bucks head, it was all his subconscious. But! There was a lot of truth in his dream. Like the fact that Buck knew that his parents accepting him was off, wasn’t right. Margaret in Bucks dream was “subtly” dropping hints that she doesn’t approve of who and how Buck is. For example the ferris wheel decoration? Margaret didn’t like, and she straight up told Buck she didn’t, even though it was something Buck picked out and liked.

You could SEE on Margarets face when Buck showed the sonogram, that she... oh man, didn’t think Buck can be a dad. Was scared at the thought. So many things. But at the same time just jumped to the conclusion “oh! Maddie you’re pregnant? It’s a little soon, but this is wonderful!” Anyone else side eye this moment? Hard??

Oh yeah, and who was absent from Bucks room when he woke up? His parents. (remember, what is and isn’t shown can speak volumes) 

I may be missing some examples and whatnot, but I think y’all get it. I do not believe the writers are in any way giving the Buckley parents a redemption arc. There’s too many hints that they are in fact keeping it “real,” which is that the Buckley parents suck ass and won’t change. 

Now what Buck, in the end, decides to do with his parents? That I’m not certain of just yet. My biggest wish is that he (fucking) finally cuts them out of his life completely, because I truly think that would be the best thing for him, but we’ll have to wait and see. But again, I don’t think people need to worry about the Buckley parents getting a redemption, because I do not see that playing out before us. 

[rqgnarok]

lights will guide you home

read on ao3 

Buck runs.

Despite how he’s running towards his life, towards his family, he has to leave them behind to get back to them.

He leaves Bobby, high and drunk and somehow still fundamentally wise because that’s who he will always be to Buck: someone to lean on, to learn from, to seek comfort in. A parent, in every way the Buckleys never were.

He waves Chim off, the slightest bit relieved when he hears he and Maddie have met and even if this world isn’t real if it’s a universe where everything is absolutely wrong, Maddie and Chim find each other. They gravitate to each other and become one of the couples Buck admires the most in his life, has watched and understood more about love than his parents or his partners ever taught him.

He has to lean in and kiss Hen on the forehead, finding his footing amidst all the adrenaline when he comes to the realization that she’s the one thing that hasn’t changed. She made gentle fun of him the second she saw him even if he was a total stranger, helped him despite her better judgment, and brought him closer to coming home. She smiles at him, hits him on the chin gently with her knuckles, and tells him, knowing. “Go home, Buckaroo.”

He almost doesn’t stop for his parents. They look at him the way he’s wanted to his entire life, soft and loving and with their arms raised prepared to keep him and embrace him as they’ve never done before. He doesn’t feel that pull towards them but he does give them his forgiveness, for himself more than anyone else.

He stopped holding a grudge a while ago without even realizing it. How could he not, with the family he’s built? Bobby and Athena, Maddie and Chim and Jee, Hen and Karen and-

Buck does stop for Christopher. He feels lighter, suddenly, almost knocks himself off his feet when he sees that toothy grin directed up at him like sunshine itself. He kneels on the ground and Chris falls into his arms like Buck was made to hold him, like there was always an empty space carved out inside of him he didn’t understand until Eddie brought his kid into Buck’s life, gave him to Buck like the most precious gift, like-

Like Eddie’s own heart. Like a declaration of something Buck hadn’t been ready to hear.

“Can we go home now?” Chris asks against his sweater, and Buck hides his face in his little curls that somehow still smell like fruity shampoo, a detail not even the most powerful lightning was able to scratch from his mind.

Like the memory of Eddie’s go get them, cowboy. Like the fundamental premise that even after someone loses their memory after a coma, they don’t forget how to breathe. Buck woke up confused and dizzy and knowing Eddie has his back, always.

���Yeah,” his laugh is wet as he kisses Chris’ hair, the same hair strangers have confused for Buck’s genes in this smart, wonderful firecracker of a little boy. And yeah. Yeah, yeah, of course.

He helped make Connor and Kameron’s kid, but that baby isn’t his. This one, in his arms, that he didn’t meet until he was 11 is, and Buck knows it like he knows the sky is blue and dirt is brown and he’s coming home to Eddie and Christopher Diaz whether his subconscious wants him to or not.

“Come on, buddy, let’s go home,” he draws back to smile at his kid, wiping his tears with his shoulder. “Let’s go get your dad.”

Chris’ laugh is bubbly, and when Buck starts to run again, he doesn’t follow him. That’s okay, Buck thinks. That’s okay, I’m coming. I’m coming, I’m coming, I’m coming-

Daniel says all the right things. If Buck hadn’t learned what he was supposed to in here he might’ve caved. He might’ve believed him and stayed in a world where his job didn’t threaten his life and his parents loved him and his sister’s smile was always slightly off and he didn’t know any of his friends and the parents that stepped up, his partner and their kid.

But Buck knows. He does know, he doesn’t need to have a life-altering accident to know that any world without his family is not worth it. Not for anything in the world.

Buck breaks the glass, and he breathes.

He breathes, and breathes, and breathes.

________

finished the ep and realized I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING MYSELF IN THIS HOUSE. hope you enjoyed!

read on ao3 / message me about commissions!

[heart4buddie]

Maddie and Buck were having a family night. Chim had taken Jee for the evening, Christopher was at a sleepover and The Buckley siblings were set to relax. Eddie had taken an extra shift that day so all was quiet out the house. For awhile at least.

First it was pizza and beers. Then someone brought out the tequila. 6 shots each later they were laughing their asses off watching Masterchef. As they made fun of the people for doing things to their dishes that neither of them could even attempt to make, Buck turned to Maddie.

“We should make brownies.” A drunken thought that should not be taken seriously, but Maddie immediately nodded her head in agreement. Two more shots later they were reading the instructions from a recipe blog trying to figure out how to convert grams to cups and tablespoons.

In the long run they decide to just wing it, as they throw the ingredients into a bowl and start mixing the batter. When Buck turns on the mixer, some flour and cocoa powder flies up and hits Maddie’s shirt. Taking that as a declaration of war, she grabs a handful of flour and throws it at Buck. Soon they’re drunkenly throwing eggs and flour and cocoa powder at each other and getting it all over the kitchen. They’re in the midst of Buck pinning Maddie down in a corner and smashing an egg on her forehead, when they hear it.

“What did I marry into?!” Eddie sounds both mad and tickled pink at the scene in front of him. He sees the half empty bottle of tequila on the counter and his disbelief becomes a smile. At this point Buck and Maddie are too busy laughing to do much of anything else.

“You married into the Buckley family Eddie. This is your own fault,” Maddie sounds as drunks as she is and Buck laughs at her.

“Hey Drunky. How you feeling?” Eddie asks Buck who only responds by stumbling over to wipe a slash of flour on his cheek. He follows that up with a kiss and Eddie can’t help but laugh again.

“You’re pretty. Isn’t he pretty Mads?”

“Meh, I guess he’ll do if you’re into that kinda thing.”

Now all three of them are laughing in a kitchen covered in flour and sugar and cocoa powder. Eggshells drip off Buck’s head and slide down his T-shirt.

“I am very into that. I’m so into that I married him.” He pulls Buck in for another kiss and slaps him on the ass.

“Alright you two. I will clean up this mess. Maddie you can use Chris’s bathroom to clean up.” Maddie makes her way down the hall leaning against the wall to make sure she doesn’t fall over on her way to the bathroom. “Baby you need to take a shower.”

“But I’ll get lonely without you there.” Buck’s making those cow eyes at him and Eddie desperately wants to cave, but their kitchen is a mess and Buck’s sister is down the hall.

“Tomorrow when you’re sober and we’re alone, I’m going to take you up on that offer. Now go be a good boy and clean up while I start on this mess.” Buck pulls him into another kiss then and wanders off to their bathroom leaving Eddie shaking his head. Really, what kind of family did he marry into? The best people he’s ever known.

Thanks for the prompt @blackberry-l

[monsterrae1]

Fan Fic Writer Asks: 5 & 14

Hi nicoleeee

5 What’s a fic idea you’ve had that you will never write?

So I was actually thinking about this the other day 😂 my very first buddie fic idea lives in loose scenes and half an outline in an old notebook but the idea was: buddie gets together pretty early on in season 2, Shannon still comes back and Eddie feels obligated to try again (by internalized stuff) so buck let’s him go (cause he’s a self sacrificing idiot) him and Shannon try for a while but Shannon can tell that Eddie’s not in love with her anymore and that it’s buck he loves so she files for divorce. Plot twist Shannon was actually pregnant and she wants to have the baby, then buck gets crushed by the fire truck and they all form a kind of family together for a while.

Shannon leaves after a while cause she feels again overwhelmed with guilt over Chris birth vs the new baby birth and Eddie and buck find out when she leaves the baby at the station (I fully stopped working on this fic when the show did the same thing for madney with Maddie leaving jee at the station) and other stuff happens too, the Buckley’s showed up at one point to fuck up with them too.

I think I’ve moved away from the over dramatic of this wip and I’ve seen similar things around so I kinda lost interest over it but a lot of scenes still live rent free somewhere and I have a soft spot for it cause it was my first buddie idea.

14 If you could see one of your fics adapted into a visual medium, such as comic or film, which fan fic would you pick?

Ohhh probably i should and find myself (before i ruin someone else); I think it might make a cool graphic novel.

Send me asks

[fr3akinthecorner]

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[worthless-weight-in-gold]

The Fatal Flaw

a base design i find myself doing a lot when making characters, or picking characters i really like, is powerful characters who have a “fatal flaw” / a specific huge weakness that makes them incredibly easy to defeat if you can use it right

jim’s fatal flaw is his compulsion to play fair games. he’s also just physically weak as hell, like the issue is always that people let him start talking and that’s where it all goes to hell because truly you could kebab this man if you’ve ever tossed a baseball more than 5 feet, but there’s verses where that’s not true so i only count the game compulsion as a FF

daniel’s fatal flaw is inexperience. she doesn’t have the base confidence or hands-on knowledge to fall back on if she’s panicking or slipping, she really has to be in her zone or feel somewhat comfortable in order to excel at what she’s doing

min-jee’s fatal flaw is an inner voyeur. she feels watched at every moment of her life (like, way beyond how much she actually is) and cannot prevent herself from reacting to that feeling. she routinely is on the verge of collapsing and still will make sure her outfit, hair, makeup, posture, everything is perfect. part of her mind is always on “the camera”

porter’s fatal flaw is peace-keeping. he doesn’t like disrupting things, and he will let harmful things keep going if he’s worried that addressing them will break the peace. it turns him into a person who almost only reacts, isn’t proactive, so it’s easy to get him into traps

sanjit’s fatal flaw is codependency. when he’s bonded to someone he adapts their views and morals, but ultimately cares about who he’s bonded to above all else. having any sway over who he’s bonded to is having sway over him

riah’s fatal flaw is apathy. she truly is so detached emotionally from almost everything that she doesn’t have the motivation to truly fight for things, she’s far more likely to just walk away or give up if it ends up with her getting left alone. if you can convince her something is too much trouble, she turns into a non-issue

bruce’s fatal flaw is distrust. having the double life and going through so many hoops to keep his identity hidden takes up a massive amount of time and effort, so he’s always tired and not as prepared for things as he wants to be and playing catch-up. he also, despite being on a team, can be scared into doing things solo extremely easily so getting him isolated and vulnerable due to it is very possible

eun yoo’s fatal flaw is fear. this girl is scared, constantly. whether she’s letting it overtake her or overcompensating with faux confidence or obsessive hard work, she does not ever feel safe and always has some amount of fight or flight in her that makes her predictable and unable to think things through properly

thespian’s fatal flaw is... they’re baby. sorry. they’re just dumb as hell. they trust too easily, they struggle to think ahead, they can be outwit with ease, honestly if they lost their supernatural powers they’d be dead within a few days. thespian’s like an inverse where they’re a character who’s kinda overall pathetic with a Superficial Strength

[canonicallyobserving911]

Buck’s loft is NOT his home because Eddie's house is where he belongs.

It appears 9-1-1 hinted at the way Buck's loft has "never fit" into the life he wants for himself, i.e., a spouse, a child and/or children, and a house.  He really wants a family to come home to instead of him going back to his empty loft after working a long grueling shift at the firehouse.  It would have been better if he or someone else would have been allowed to just say that during 6A but it seems like that would have been too easy. His loft has mainly been shown as just a place where he dwells but he was depressed after the ladder truck explosion and his embolism, he experienced two breakups inside of those walls (the first one in 2x18 “This Life We Choose when girlfriend #2 broke up with him and the last one in 5x18 “Starting Over” when he broke up with girlfriend #3) and Maddie told him their parents were coming to visit in 4x4 “9-1-1 What’s Your Grievance?” as they sat on his couch; therefore the loft holds a few bad memories for him.

All of the memories he’s had while living there haven’t been bad because he’s had some good experiences there too including 3x3 “The Searchers” when Eddie brought Christopher back to him after the Tsunami and told him “There’s nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you”.

In 3x9 “Fallout” when he apologized to Eddie after the lawsuit for the second time and he played video games with Eddie and Christopher. The time he spent with them was fantastic in 6x1 “Let the Games Begin” when he cooked a perfect 6-cheese lasagna for his Diaz boys.

One issue is Buck has never really considered the loft to be his home because in 3x11 “Seize the Day” he told Maddie “This is Eddie’s house, I’m not really a guest” which could mean he’s always known that he wanted to build a family, a life and a forever with Eddie.

More than once during 6A his loft was shown to "not fit" the type of life he so desperately wants for himself and even though he told Connor and Kameron in 6x4 “Animal Instincts” that he doesn’t know what he wants, it seems like that was a LIE because Buck’s facial expressions have shown who and what he wants many times like he did in 4x14 “Survivors” while he gazed at Eddie and Christopher from Eddie’s front door after Eddie was discharged from the hospital and Buck drove him home.

In 6x1 he hadn't replaced his couch after he broke up with TK which means his "family" didn’t have anywhere to sit together in his living room like they did in 3x9 while they ate pizza and played video games.  Christopher told Buck it was weird that he didn’t have a couch while Buck was still cooking their dinner but Buck was happy and smiling the whole time Eddie and Christopher were there with him.

In 6x4 before Connor arrived to further manipulate him into being their sperm donor, Buck looked both solemn and sad while he was getting ready to pour himself a cup of coffee/tea. When Connor and Kameron went to his loft so that he could tell them if he was going to be their sperm donor, he told them that he didn't know what he wanted for himself (he lied) but he still agreed to be their donor in the end without considering how it would affect him in the long run.

In 6x5 “Home Invasion” Buck was enjoying having Hoover the dog there with him but when he started barking, his landlord knocked on his door and reminded him that he wasn't supposed to have a dog. Only cats are allowed in the loft.

In 6x8 “9-1-1 What’s Your Fantasy?” while he was babysitting Jee-Yun, when she tried to go upstairs, he panicked because stairs aren't for babies.

In 6x9 “Red Flag” he was finally able to fall asleep because he was settling to have a piece of himself included in a family even if the end results in them having a child with his DNA won’t make him happy.  He did the same thing in 5x7 “Ghost Stories”, after TK invaded his loft way before he ever asked her to move in, he clung to and settled for a relationship with her even though he was unhappy.  He accepted it because he believed that was all he could have so he went to sleep and left her awake while she sat there worrying about her dad’s upcoming parole hearing. Now he thinks Kameron being pregnant is going to fix his feelings of loneliness but it won't because if the baby Kameron is carrying is the result of his sperm donation, then the baby STILL won’t be his. Therefore he’s continuing to settle for whatever he thinks will fill the hole he’s had in his heart for years.

Buck's loft only has one bedroom and it's upstairs; he still doesn't have a couch and every time he goes home after work, it seems like he doesn't want to be there. In 5x3 “Desperate Measures” it was clear that he wanted someone to be there waiting for him especially after he plopped on his bed and said, "Hi honey, I'm home". Eddie's house is THE ONLY PLACE THAT BUCK HAS EVER SAID HE'S NOT A GUEST and that illustrated the way he's always known where his home is and who his family is too.  He’s never said that about Maddie’s place even though he lived with her in season 2 after Chimney kicked him out of his apartment which happened not long after he left his first girlfriend’s apartment in 2x7 “Haunted”.

Also Buck’s loft is not fit for a baby and the show clearly illustrated that while he was babysitting Jee-Yun in 6x8. There’s nowhere for him to put a crib and there’s no second bedroom for a child to sleep in.  Buck’s loft may have initially been a good fit for him six years ago because he was younger but now that he’s older, his mindset needs to change and he has to start thinking about the things he really wants in life in order to change his surroundings.  His couch is waiting for him at Eddie’s house but he has to admit the family he chose to build with Eddie and Christopher is what he wants.

Eddie and Christopher have been waiting for Buck to realize they are his family but it seems like Buck and Eddie are too scared to admit what they both want and need from each other.  The first half of season 6 ended with Eddie being frustrated and abruptly disconnecting from the four-way call he was on with Buck, Hen and Chimney after Buck made his announcement.  It also ended with Buck seeming to be a bit delusional about the baby since he bought an LAFD onesie that may or may not be a gift he was planning to give to Connor and Kameron. Therefore it will be interesting to see if any of Buck’s and Eddie’s problems are addressed in 6B.  There are several other things they still need to talk about including The Shooting so will they finally be allowed to discuss their shared traumas so that Buck will FINALLY understand the family he so desperately wants has been waiting for him this whole time? Only the showrunners, writers and producers know the answer to that question.

[forzafinally]

Hi omg….. first of all I kind of miss you, seems like everyone has been a little less active for the past few weeks. It is so cool though that you are a doctor now. I wanted to ask you some questions…. so like i’m in grade elevn rn and i’ve taken pcmb. I like bio, especially studying about the human body. However i decided not to give neet and become a doctor because it’s a very demanding lifestyle and i don’t know if i could do that. i also really wanna go outside india and becoming a doctor. 1

from any private university or outside india is super expensive. so i decided i can do biotech engineering or genetic engineering. but now i’m realising that these are more research based programs and i haven’t really done much creative work ig? like whenever there were scince fairs i didn’t really like makinf models or anything. i can remember things though so maybe doctor is my calling? but i am super confused about taking pcmb what i shd drop and what i shd do… i have joined coaching 2. for JEE but i can shift to neet if i decide against it.. ya omg basically i’m super confused and you have kind of done one of the options so maybe you can give me a little insight? Thank you so muchhhh this is so long i just realised i would be very great full if you answer this hahahahah 😭

Omg hi!! I miss you guys too🥺 Residency has taken over my life atm so that's why I'm spending so much less time here lol.

Now to answer your question. It's very common not to know what you want to do at this stage of your life. Firstly what you think a profession is going to be like is very different from what it actually ends up being. As someone who went to med school just because I hated physics I think I might be able to help you a bit.

Med school is very long. And expensive as you said if you are doing it from a private university. Yes it's very affordable if you do it from a government medical college but I don't need to tell you how cut throat the competition is. About 0.1-0.2% of all the people appearing for NEET UG actually make it to a GMC. You also need to keep in mind that unlike other professions you don't finish your education till you're in your late 20s.

I'm 25 now and I'm just starting my residency while my friends who did engineering or commerce have already started working full time and earning a lot more than me at this stage in their life so that does sting a bit. Also since the curriculum is so vast you have to keep studying throughout the next five years. It's....not easy to keep having to read more and more while your friends are getting the time to have a social life and you are having exams after exams. You also have to do an MD or an MS post your MBBS because just being a general physician these days doesn't have much value so that again means giving NEET PG like I did last year with insane cut offs all over again.

So when you say that becoming a doctor is your calling, there are all these factors you need to consider. Are you willing to commit yourself to about 10+ years of further education after your 12th?

I was pretty miserable during my MBBS because of all that I mentioned above and was considering quitting it and shifting to something else during my final year. The reason I decided to continue with my residency is because I genuinely liked psychiatry as a subject, thought it was something worth doing and it has fairly regular work hours so it gives me the life that I want.

Now for the positives. There is something really special having the ability to help others. It's only been three weeks since my residency started but it amazes me everytime how people come to me with so much faith when I'm just a baby doctor and listen to me. I have the ability to make their lives better - not only of the patient but their entire family. Yes it's stressful at times but as I said psychiatry has fairly regular hours so I am able to get my 8 hours of sleep.

Of course other clinical branches are way more hectic. My friends who are doing surgery and medicine don't have much of a life to speak of. They have 20 hour work days compared to my 12. So yeah it also depends from speciality to speciality.

Now for engineering. JEE is as insanely competitive as NEET for sure but private universities are a lot cheaper for engineering and most people can start working once they graduate so by 22-23. You mentioned that you thought that you weren't well oriented enough for the research aspect of it. Well, with the way our education system works no one is. But no only engineering, in most higher education (even medicine, law or literature) research and writing papers is an important part of the curriculum in some form or another. So I wouldn't be too worried about that.

A trend that I am noticing recently is the most people do an MBA after their btech and ultimately work in finance as it pays really well compared to pure engineering so most of the engineers I know are doing everything apart from engineering lol. So you may want to keep that in mind too. Also the working hours aren't the best. Even if on paper it's 9-5 it actually becomes a lot closer to 9-11 from what my friends tell me. Especially in the private sector where things are so competitive you have to give a lot more of your time than you might think.

Of course one very important thing that you must realise is that whatever stream you decide isn't absolute. You can change course as and when you wish. I know doctors who have gone on to start clothing lines and engineers who went on to do law. So whatever happens in the next four or five years of your undergrad you can always do something else later on. It's easier to know what suits you best when you're in your mind twenties compared to your teens because you're still growing as a person.

To be on the safe side you could do pcmb for now and decide during your 12th if you want to drop one of them once you're less confused. I hope this helps! If you have any other questions you are welcome to send me an ask anytime.