#you get shot just kind of because the actor has to leave?

[wordsaresimple-imnot]

So I’m a HUGE fan of angst. With Joe’s temper and with being unhinged from the war, any kind of physical affection can get a little rough. 😈 I feel like it’s totally his style and everyone needs to know it. Frienemies to lovers with angst and classy smut and a happily ever after is how we all deserve Joe Liebgott. 😘🥰 🪖♠️ 🦅

Oil and water - Joe Liebgott x F!Reader

Warnings: 18+ content, smut (p in v), fingering, angry sex to soft sex, mentions of violence and war/death, cursing, 1st person POV (female), female body part descriptions.

A/N: I have the biggest respect for the real life heroes of WWII (and all other wars, past & current), this work & all other works is based on the actor(s) and character(s) portrayed in the Band of Brothers series.

A/N pt 2: I had so much fun with this request and wrote this faster than any of my other fics! I hope you like it, @she-wolf09231982lovely, and that I did it justice!! Please let me know what you think and if you want a different one done if I didn't quite hit the points you wanted. As always, feel free to leave comments, likes, and reblogs; they make me happy! :)

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Another punch echoes in the room, followed by more yelling. The man sitting in the chair can barely open his eyes as blood covers his entire face. I try to find any sense of morality and sympathy but come up with nothing. He's a replacement that got drunk, killed two German's and shot Chuck Grant in the head before stealing a car and trying to hide. He'd yet to show any type of remorse for his actions and the men around me were getting closer and closer to doling out their own personal justice.

Everyone got quiet and backed out of the way when Spiers came in like a dark thundercloud and hit the man across the face. In the blink of an eye, he had a gun pointed right at the man's face and just held it there. My stomach dropped and I glanced over at Liebgott next to me, but his face was dark and unfazed. Spiers would probably kill this man and no one was going to bat an eye. This was wrong. The war is over and we are still losing our friends and companions.

After a long, tense moment Spiers lowers his gun and commands us to take the man to the MP's. As he's walking away I hear him tell Tab that Grant is going to pull through, thanks to a Kraut doctor. For the first time since this night started I feel like I can breathe a little. I follow the rest of my company into the street as we follow Spiers' orders. Suddenly a scuffle erupts and our prisoner has briefly broken free from the group and is trying to run away.

I'm the closest to him and immediately run and tackle him to the ground. As I'm attempting to get him flipped around and restrained, he elbows me hard in the gut knocking the air out of me. As I'm trying to catch my breathe, a pair of arms lifts me up and I'm being pulled away from the group. Someone is steering me to an empty house and all I can hear is more yelling and fighting behind us.

Once we are inside and seating in someone's abandoned house on a couch, I look up to see who I'm with. Liebgott. To say I'm shocked is an understatement. We only look out for each other during battle, because that's our job and we are soldiers. The only times we semi get along is when we are around our friends and can use them as buffers. It's been a running joke through Easy that we are oil and water and should never be left alone together because we'd both end up dead. Now here we are totally alone and emotions are running off the rails.

"You hurt?" His face is stone cold and his voice is almost filled with disgust, like he was forced to look after me and didn't put himself in this situation.

"I'm fine. You can go." I bite out, wincing as I press on the tender spot.

"Stop being such an uptight bitch. Let me look." Liebgott rolls his eyes as he moves my hands away and lifts up my shirt. I glare at him and then glance down. The spot is a deep red and I can see spots where my blood vessels have burst. It's gonna be a hell of a bruise soon.

"Okay, you got to lift my shirt up. Good job. Go away." I shift out of his hold and cover my torso again. His glare hardens on me.

"What's your fucking problem?"

Scoffing, I jump up and pace a little ways away. "We just beat a fellow soldier bloody and Spiers almost shot him right in front of us. He deserves to be punished for what he did, but we can't start taking justice into our own hands. That's now who we are!"

"Spiers should have killed him. Grant is our friend. If anyone should give that punishment, it should have been one of us." His voice is cold and detached. We were never best friends, but it hurts a part of my heart to hear how this war has been changing him.

"Of course you would say that." I laugh humorlessly and spin to face him. He jumps up from the couch and stomps over to get in my face.

"What's that mean?"

"I heard about your little road trip the other day. I know shit's been different since Landsberg, but that's no excuse to go hunting people down and playing judge, jury, and executioner." I straighten my back and stand still as he leans further into my face. He's never focused so much anger towards me before but I'll be damn if I show any type of reaction to it.

"You don't know fucking shit. How can you? It's not your people that's been tortured and killed this whole war. Now why don't you go bat your pretty little eyes at someone who cares what you think and leave me the fuck alone."

Before I know it, I'm pushing him away from me. Hard. He takes half a step back and continues to glare at me. So I do it again, and again, until I'm beating at his chest with my fists. I'm so angry and he's the perfect target to let it out on. In the blink of an eye he has my hands in a death grip in one of his and is pushing me backwards with his other hand on my waist. He holds my hands above my head as my back hits a wall and keeps his hand on my waist.

I'm not sure who moves their head first, all I know is that we meet in the middle and it's not a kind or tender kiss. It's all teeth and tongue and biting. Neither of us want to submit so we keep at it until we are breathless and our lips are bruised. He releases my hands, which immediately fly to his hair to pull hard enough to make him wince, and places his newly open hand around my throat. When he applies pressure, I moan and press myself closer to him. A flash of something other than anger moves across his eyes; lust.

"You going to be a good girl and take what I give you?" His voice is low and rough. I feel myself clench around nothing. Never one to be agreeable with him, I just smirk.

"Fuck you." Joe just smirks back and shoves his hand that was on my waist down my pants and under my underwear.

"Feels like that's what you want." He watches my face as his fingers glide through my soaked folds, parting them to rub directly on my clit. Another moan escapes me but is cut short by his hand squeezing my neck again. "Eyes on me."

I open my mouth to say something flippant back but only a gasp comes out when I feel him shove two fingers inside me and start pumping them in and out. The hand on my neck alternates between squeezes and lightly stroking my skin. I keep my eyes on his face, taking in how clenched his jaw is and the way his pupils are blown wide. Another moan comes out when he hits a particularly sensitive spot.

He shifts closer to me, angling his hand so he can keep hitting that spot and rub my clit at the same time. His face stops when our lips are a hairs breathe away.

"That's my good girl. Take it." He places a soft kiss against my lips that's such a sharp contrast to the pressure on my neck and movement of his hand inside me. Joe leans his forehead against mine and keeps repeating his previous words as my orgasm gets closer and breaks through so hard I see stars.

As my vision starts to return I hazily watch him bring his soaked hand up to his mouth. The moan he lets out after tasting me is sinful and has me clenching again. When he's done, I pull his head back to mine, kissing and licking his lips begging for entrance. My own moan comes out when he opens his mouth and I taste myself on his tongue. Suddenly we are a blur of moving limps as we dispose of our clothes, not caring where they land and move back to the couch. We land with him on top of me and I roll my hips up to feel his erection slip through my folds.

Just as his tip slips in, Joe freezes above me and time stops. He's got one hand holding my thigh up around his waist and the other is on the arm of the couch, keeping him hovering over me. He trails his hand from my thigh, up my side, over my breast and up to cup my cheek. Our breathing slows down as we just look at each other, his hand holding my face like I might break if he's not careful. I run my own hand up his back and cup his cheek in the same fashion, gently pulling him towards me.

"Are you sure?" He whispers against my lips, eyes searching mine. They're softer now, the anger having melted away and now there's an open rawness in its place. I nod my head and whisper a soft 'yes' as I pull him into our first slow kiss of the evening.

Carefully, he pushes himself inside me and pauses again when he's bottomed out and our hips are flush against each other. We exchange more slow kisses and when I gently nip his lip, he knows it's okay to start moving. Once he sets the pace, slow, thorough and unrushed, we know this isn't just a simple fuck. Neither of us speak, just let ourselves get lost in the feelings as we moan and gasp against each others lips. As I start to clench around him signaling the approach of my second orgasm, I moan his name. Joe picks up the pace, some of the earlier frenzy returning as he focuses on pushing me over the edge again.

All I can keep saying is his name and after a few more thrusts, I'm seeing stars for the second time that night. I feel his thrusts become uneven as he chases his own release, moans flying out of his mouth. When he cums, he presses himself as far into me as he can and says my name like a prayer against my lips. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

Once we've stabled our breathing a little, we shift around so we are laying more comfortably on the couch, him still half inside me, completely entangled together. Joe leans up just enough to pull a blank from the back of the couch over us and tucks me back in against him. It's silent as we enjoy the afterglow and feel of each others skin.

"Did I hurt you?" Joe whispers, kissing the top of my head. I smile and kiss his chest.

"No more than I wanted you to." We share a small laugh. "I thought oil and water could never mix."

Joe pulls back enough to look at my face, "I don't think we are oil and water. I think we are something that can't be defined." He drops a kiss on my lips and then lays back down. "Now, get some sleep. We are going for breakfast tomorrow and then wherever you wanna go for the whole day."

I fall asleep with a smile on my face, not knowing he does too.

[aletterinthenameofsanity]

Canon!Eleven making River break her wrist in order to prove time wrong, not even stopping to help her get out

v.

SATTVAT!Eleven willing to sacrifice his life/regenerating just so that River, his daughter, can live

Fight!

[wilwheaton]

favorite goncharov character

Goncharov! Holy shit I haven't thought about Goncharov in YEARS!

I remember seeing it at the Vista theatre downtown in ... I want to say 1983? It was either 82 and I was 10, or 83 and I was 11. Now that I think about it, it must have been Spring of 83. I remember that Kimmy Mendini was my babysitter, and she drove my friend Ahmed and me all the way downtown to see Goncharov. She would have been at least 16, but I feel like she was a little older. I remember that she LOVED movies and just never stopped talking about European cinema.

Ha! I can still her her sort of roll "Cinema" out of her mouth. Movies were for the masses to watch, while sophisticated adults experienced Cinema. I'm just realizing now that she absolutely pronounced it with a capital C. She was like "you are so lucky to see a clean print of Goncharov!"

I had no idea what a clean print was, but I understood it was important and impressive.

She had read about this screening in the LA Weekly, which I didn't know at the time was TREMENDOUSLY subversive in our suburban part of Los Angeles County, and we were going to an old theatre in maybe not the greatest part of town, but Kimmy had been watching me since I was in second grade and was like my big sister. I knew we'd be safe with her.

That old theatre (which is now a fucking swap meet) was just so beautiful inside. 100 foot ceilings, box seats, gold paint and murals. It felt like a place you went to experience Cinema, but, like ... it had absolutely seen better days. I remember that I felt kind of bad for the place, a little embarrassed, like when I got a good grade and accidentally made eye contact with a friend who got a D.

Okay. This clearly hit a memory artery, and I appreciate you staying with me this far, when we finally get to the fireworks factory. We're walking up to the box office, and she tells Ahmed and me that we have to wait on the sidewalk, because *technically* it's rated R, and she's not our legal guardian, but what does this guy making two bucks an hour know about art anyway?

So we wait. She buys the tickets, and then we all walk in as casually as we can.

I remember how scared I was that we were going to get caught and they'd call the cops (that's how it worked in my anxiety-ridden brain), but literally nobody cared. The theatre wasn't even half full, and everyone there was a dude at least as old as my parents.

You know the story, so I don't have to recount all of it, but I can at this very moment remember how shocked I was when Bruno was shot. This was the first time, ever, I had felt an emotional connection to a character. I didn't cry when Bambi's mother was shot, I didn't cry when ET died, I didn't cry E V E R.

But when Bruno died? I didn't make a sound. I just silently wept. Tears just poured down my face and I wanted to roll back time, rewrite the movie, and get him out of that room.

I obviously understand now, all these years later why I connected to him and why his story meant and means so much to me, but at the time I had no idea. I just thought the actors were that good.

I can't believe that guy who played him died so young. I think he was like 40? I remember thinking that was old. Now I know different.

When the movie was over, Kimmy asked us how we liked it. Ahmed was obsessed with the photography (he grew up to be an illustrator), and I obviously had my Bruno Moment.

We got Thrifty ice cream on the way home and listened to Donna Summer in her Datsun.

I haven't thought about Goncharov or Cinema or Kimmy in FOREVER. Leave it to Tumblr to boost my nostalgia check to a natural 20.

tl;dr: Bruno. I know he's supposed to be that character we all hate, and there are so many valid reasons for that. But when I was 12 ... well, I was a different person.

Oh! And now that I know what a "clean print" is, having seen so many "dirty prints" in revival houses before they all turned into swap meets or churches (hey, two places where people sell you stuff and take your money!), I retroactively appreciate it in a way that would make Kimmy happy.

Thanks for the trip into the crumbling mall that is my childhood memories. I haven't been here in awhile and it was nice to visit.

[nymph1e]

In case any non-swr fan was wondering over the hype of seeing Zeb - he's half of the closest thing the star wars universe has to a canon mlm couple.

This is the last shot we have of him in rebels:

He's taking his enemy-turned-ally, Kallus to his ancestral homeworld. To live together.

According to Zeb's voice actor (Steve Blum - general awesome dude) he and Kallus get married and have children after rebels (potentially mpreg children lol).

And this is leaving out the fact that he is just generally cool. He's a loveable comic relief goof who survived the genocide of his people at the hands of the empire. He's a violent terrorist, he's an honourable warrior, the last of a dead order. He's hopelessly optimistic and helplessly pessimistic. He's a faithless child of prophecy. He's gruff and loving and kind of completely insane and he will kill you if you hurt his found family.

So yeah. He's a great character, and is as close to canonically queer as Disney will let him get. Of course tumblr fans are gonna love him (also we're all monstefuckers here)

this is just here because LOOK AT HIM GUYS IT'S ZEB

[cormorant-red]

I played 999 recently at @xivu-arath's recommendation, and I had so much fun that (inspired by that one polygon video) I illustrated my liveblog about it!

If you haven't played 999 and you are even a little bit intrigued by a puzzle/mystery visual novel with multiple timelines that all guide you towards wild plot twists...probably don't read the text! 999 is the kind of story that is best experienced with no knowledge besides the basic premise.

Transcript below the cut:

Cormorant: characters in this game really just say shit like "have you heard the story about the crystallization of glycerin?"

as a matter of fact i haven't, june, please enlighten me

Storm: "I know we're stuck in a freezer but. let's talk about weird mythical science!"

Cormorant: it's also killing me that junpei is dressed like marty mcfly and isn't sharing any of his jackets

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Cormorant: this game is leading me to arrive at mathematical concepts on my own. what the heck

Storm: kshgushhsg

I take it you're having a good time then

Cormorant: trying to check lotus's work and it turns out that no matter what group i arrange to take through a door, the people left behind will always have the same digital root

so to get through door 7 with snake missing, i could either send a group with sum 16 (junpei, ace, clover, and june) or with sum 25 (clover, june, seven, and lotus), but it doesn't matter because the remainder always have root 9 and can't get through doors 3 or 8! wild!

Storm: yeah the numbers and which doors end up barred to you is so cleverly deliberate

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Cormorant: i'm glad i finally checked what novel mode meant, because this is way more fun

Santa cocked his head to one side, like an inquisitive bird, and looked at them.

After several long moments, during which it became apparent that Santa had no idea what the cards meant, June took pity on him.

i'll have to go back and redo the beginning after i get to the first ending

Storm: oh yeah! as I recall that was done differently when it was originally a dual screen game... but it's much better when in novel style. gimme all the descriptions

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Cormorant: I had a long day of sitting though presentations and so I entertained myself by calculating digital roots

I discovered that adding 9 or any multiple of 9 to a number has no effect on the digital root, which is awfully interesting bc I got to the part where snake gets killed. Assuming door 3 was opened with 12 and not 21, the options are 7+3 (motive?), 6+4 (they’d both have to be REALLY good actors), or 9+1. And if bracelets work without a body attached, and if ace picked it up in door 5…

That would be a really useful tool to get around the 3-person minimum without altering the digital root

I’m also very intrigued by the theory that zero is also in the game but I don’t know what to do with that yet

Storm: forlornly having to keep myself from saying literally anything

Cormorant: Understandable, please don’t give me any hints! I’m just calling shots for the joy of being wrong

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Cormorant: and how do you know that, my traitorous friend?

Santa: “The RED doesn’t need a person, you know.”

Santa: “All I need is the bracelet.”

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Cormorant: y’know what i think he’s bluffing. he does need June specifically and that’s why he refused to consider leaving her when they first found door 9. if all he needed was a hostage, he could have grabbed junpei and forced ace to come along, and then he would be dealing with two people under duress instead of three

i peeked at a guide and apparently i found the ending adjacent to the true ending(?) first, oh well. time to see the others!

santa: i said i don't want to leave seven alone

me: bud you can't do a heroic sacrifice too, it'll mess up all the math

reader, he was not doing a heroic sacrifice

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Storm: got any character opinions or theories to share so far?

Cormorant: hmm I’ve got soft spots for santa and lotus maybe just because they were in the first group I went with. I like that the game makes a point of showing that lotus is quick with the math/technical knowledge. I warmed up to clover and seven more than I expected to! I have no evidence to mistrust ace….but I don’t trust him

Snake died before I before I could say two words to him

Or…didn’t. Forgot clover said he didn’t

I got info about the previous experiments from clover and I wonder if we’re like…reenacting the past somehow? Experiencing morphogenetic resonance with the last voyage?

Again no evidence i just wonder where the pseudoscience is going

Storm: santa was so my type as soon as I started playing that I just picked all rooms with him on my first run skugrhsghu

Cormorant: AHAHA that makes me feel better about going “yeahhh door 4 I like the cut of this guy’s jib”

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Cormorant: “the bracelet comes off when your heart rate reaches zero” interesting then that we’ve brought up cryostasis

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Cormorant: i simply don't trust him not to have a spare bracelet in his pocket!!!

They climbed into the elevator and Junpei listened to it creak and rattle its way to the bottom deck. Only Junpei, Ace, and Lotus were left.

As the elevator rumbled out of sight, Ace spoke.

Ace: “Lotus, would you be so kind as to go with me?”

Cormorant: “bad end” YEAH I’LL SAY

Storm: lkksghr yeah there's a few of those!

Cormorant: santa was really quick to declare that he, june, and seven needed to go with clover. waht's his game

june and ace could have done it just as easily

Storm: they could have! good catch

maybe he just thinks seven is cooler than ace,

Cormorant: i'm imagining clover taking all her grisly trophies to the door only to find it already engaged, because lotus needed no persuading,

and regarding the true ending requirements, it's also funny that santa's like "i hate this bookmark! get it out of my sight!" and this is a huge help in junpei befriending the girl who's otherwise about to snap

Storm: load bearing bookmark

Cormorant: good thing you threw that tantrum bud or you would have been killed with an axe

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Cormorant: in my suspicions i forgot a critical detail, which is that he didn't actually go into the door with the body this time

of course seven has been propping doors open, so it really could have been anybody

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Cormorant: "where have these 16 boys and girls disappeared to?" eight for each game and then an experimenter? again with the idea that zero might be in the game...

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Cormorant: bad endings complete! on to the normal ending, which hopefully has less of junpei getting stabbed to death

puzzling over who could have done all those murders, especially in the sub ending...or did everyone get killed? clover thinks that snake's death was faked. or did snake do all the murders, since he was the only one unaccounted for?...and then i remember what kind of game i'm playing. can't discount the ice mummy as a suspect.

Storm: you truly cannot ignore the possibility of the ice mummy

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Cormorant: ah no, so santa's sister was the kid that died...

i can't figure out the connection between events! why did the last games have the veneer of a science experiment, while this one has no context given? why was it all kids last time, and a random mix of ages this time, with some repeat subjects?

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Cormorant: called it!!!!

Junpei: “Ace, Guy X, and the 9th Man’s bracelet.”

Junpei: “That was all you needed to open door [3].”

Cormorant: called it before i even got to an ending ehehe

what i’ve been saying!!

Ace: “(9) is a potent ally in the Nonary Game.”

Ace: “Adding (9) to any set of numbers won’t alter the digital root.”

Ace: “As you can see, (9) is a very useful number here.”

Ace: “With it, one can go anywhere, with anyone.”

Ace: “It is, I suppose you could say, a game changer.”

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Cormorant: okay, normal ending finished! junpei did not get stabbed but we also didn’t resolve much…I’m now thinking that ace with his pocket drugs could have easily played dead in the sub ending

glad to see that snake is okay and hopefully can stay okay in the true ending. where did clover get that riddle, and will she still have it?

0=6. how much do I read into this

still don’t understand how we get from here to santa hostage situation. he’s been so consistent about not even considering betraying or abandoning people, so either he’s a better actor than ace…or it’s staged. are he and june in cahoots

Storm: augh so close now!! soon I can actually say things

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Cormorant: O FUCK

Seven: “Santa’s always in the room with her. That’s what you’re saying, isn’t it?”

Snake: “Yes, that’s right.”

Clover: “What about it…?”

Snake: “That’s quite simple, really.”

Snake: “You told me that the first time you came to this room…”

Snake: “…Santa was the first to refuse to leave June behind.”

Snake: “Now, doesn’t that beg the question “why?” Why would Santa do such a thing?”

Snake: “The answer is easy.”

Storm: B)

Cormorant: i've been thinking of them as a pair because it makes the math easier! if you've got 3 + 6 + 8, just cross out the ones that make 9 and don't even bother with the addition, your root is 8

Storm: B) B) B)

Cormorant: but god!! they are a pair, do not separate (or the jig is up)

Storm: they hid it soooo well

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Cormorant: was wondering when we would see the last cradle guy and oh duh, he was guy X

i did think it was odd that santa phrased it as "i need to leave two of you behind" rather than "i need three of you to come with me," but if he was responsible for everything (most things?), he knew that snake was there, and he was setting up a group that could follow him. excited to see where this is going!

[dreamy sigh] this game is so elegant. what a little puzzle box

Storm: yeah it is, it's just so wonderfully crafted. so little is wasted!

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Cormorant: oh boy [akane vision label]

"through the morphic fieldset we were resonant, and we were as one" i don't think i've mentioned it before but i'm constantly pleasantly surprised by the narration in this game. it's not flashy but it's evocative in a way that's really working for me

Storm: this is where the port falls short a bit of the original version... the ds really worked well with this aspect

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Cormorant: the number of times i thought "this will be totally wrong but i'll say it to storm anyway"

hello??? [arrow pointing back to the message “I wonder if we’re like…reenacting the past somehow? Experiencing morphogenetic resonance with the last voyage?”]

Storm: Y E A H

Cormorant: laser-guided spitballing

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Cormorant: man i said that 4+6 would have to be really good actors if they were the ones that opened door 3...and while they didn't kill snake, i sure underestimated our queen of the stage akane kurashiki

the baseline was NOT where i thought it was

Storm: no one does it like her

[emkini]

WELL my best bro and I watched the first episode of the live action A:TLA series and suffice to say we will not be watching any more of them (except maybe if I want to torture myself writing a full comparison analysis).

The writing is atrocious and I felt no emotional punch from any of the scenes. This show wants to be Game of Thrones and is failing— aside from action scenes there is little to no attempt at crafting interesting shots. Aside from the very first opening scene there are zero creative changes to the story that actually improve it or even add interest, and somehow the pacing is so off that even with a whole hour of runtime it still feels rushed. I get the distinct impression that this show is more worried about being a new, crowd-pleasing take on the original than about being faithful to the original's themes and characterization.

Speaking of characterization, it leaves a lot to be desired. Now I'm not going to be too hard on the younger actors, because they are children and they're not doing a bad job for their age. Most of the actors so far do also seem to have made a decent attempt at understanding their roles, but in some cases they....absolutely failed. Iroh immediately comes to mind– he feels exceptionally callous thus far and ironically his bright and dismissive encouragement of Zuko's firebending is the most egregious example. Iroh in the original show is established early on to have depth and steel to his kindness and his reprimands of Zuko have a consistent undertone of care. This Iroh is a military general who doesn't want to be here and occasionally puts on a forced kind uncle veneer that feels more jarring than authentic. Honestly Sokka is the only character so far who has captured ANY of the original charm for me and even he's been so watered down it's laughable.

The CGI isn't....horrendous, I guess, but it's terribly overused. Bending has no subtlety and is only used for shows of skill or power. There are some impressive landscapes and locations, but a lack of atmosphere and even just good cinematography does them no favors. Wolf Cove especially feels so oddly sterile for what's supposed to be quite a small, close-knit society that I couldn't like it nearly as much as I wanted to. GranGran's exposition scene made me want to pull my hair out for how badly it was done.

In summary, the first episode was downright offensive to my personal sensibilities and I have a feeling it's not going to get better. On the upside, however, when we watched the first episode of the original show it really highlighted jut how spectacularly done it was. In just 20 minutes you get a perfect feel for the characters, something the live action couldn't seem to do even with triple the runtime.

Also Zuko's scar is just face paint and I, as an eye horror enthusiast, am extremely mad about that.

[theoisdaydreaming]

hi!! i loved your overlord angel dust/husk art and i commented about potentially turning it into a fic and adding your art, which you consented to. i was wondering if you had any additional ideas to make it more than a oneshot, maybe they open a casino together with mafia roots, collect souls together, etc…once again, your art was amazing!!

Thank you so much, I would love a fic about my AU (⁠人⁠*⁠´⁠∀⁠｀⁠)⁠｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+

Here are other ideas about the story:

In this AU Angel didn't worked with Valentino, he and Arackniss reconciled before Angel could sign a contract with him

That is not to say Angel wasn't doing sex work, he would take all kinds of offers, from stripping to singing gigs, just for the money

Regarding the backstory of the spider brothers I haven't really fleshed it out but here are some points of it:

They had kind of a strained relationship even though they cared for each other, because Arackniss (or Andrew as I like to think) used to put down Anthony's dreams of becoming a performer like the drag queens he liked to see (in secret) in the gay bars the Mafia used to own back in the 30s (real history btw)

He did this in hopes he would give up, leave it all behind and live a 'normal' life, out of fear their dad would disown him, or worse, kill him

It wouldn't matter anyway because both of them would die together while doing a shady work for the mob (who started the shots? They couldn't really remember)

At the beginning of their afterlife Arackniss avoided Angel with the guilt that (according to him) it was his fault his little brother got shot in the eye. (He was too far, too late, he couldn't protect his brother and now he's dead because of him)

Cause of this angel thinks his brother hates him, but they eventually encounter during a turf war that went wrong

Arackniss sees Angel surrounded and not wanting to repeat his brothers death again, he saves him this time.

They sort things out, and become closer than ever

When Arackniss figures out what angel has been doing for money they decide to start doing mob work again, they're good and people start giving their loyalty and doing contracts with them because the brothers actually care about the souls they own, deciding to learn from their father's mistakes, they respect all of their workers

furthermore, Angel gains more influence because he gave the people he met while being a sex worker, safe and living conditions; every stripper, actor, performer wanted to work with him, and with all the contracts he made, became an overlord

On the other hand, arackniss does all the shady work, sticking to the shadows, not wanting any attention. He is very prod of angel, and becomes his right hand man

Other ideas and dynamics:

Angel calls arackniss An, Andy or niss

Arackniss calls angel Angie, Anni, or Anth. (He never really liked tony, that's what his father called him)

They love each other very much but they're still siblings, they bicker and fight all the time (all their goons are used to it at this point, unimpressed by the brothers shenanigans)

Valentino develops some sort of obsession with Angel after meeting him (this brings problems)

Angel fell first, husk fell harder

They kind of had an enemies to lovers (but not really, more like a rivalry bc angel likes to annoy the cat overlord for fun)

Molly is still in heaven in this AU, arackniss was able to shield her from the family business (he couldn't with angel though, That's part of his guilt)

She died of heart disease before the brothers death

Angel is the spoilt younger sibling

I haven't really thought about how him and husk get together but they will definitely become a power couple

I like the idea Angel performs at the casino

He sings, does drag, etc. (Maybe some pornos too, just for fun)

What caught husk's attention is that Angel cared a lot for the souls he owned, he treated them like the humans they are

That's all I have for now, I will make more art about this AU later, you can use it if you like, whether as reference or inspiration for the fic (⁠*⁠˘⁠︶⁠˘⁠*⁠)⁠.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡

Ik this is more about Angel and Arackniss but I really like to focus on their story. So regarding the huskerdust you can have fun with that as I don't have a lot of ideas

[dawnagustd]

unholy night: epilogue

The queen has made her list and checked it twice. She’s visiting those who have been naughty, and punishing them in ways that are oh so nice.

- Part of the Unholy Night Series     

➻ title: epilogue  ➻ pairing: ot7 x f!reader  ➻ genre: fantasy | holiday | magic | smut  ➻ word count: 2.8k  ➻ rating: 18+  ➻ warnings: language | discussions of the adult film industry | plot twist i guess | orgy/group sex/gangbanging... whatever you wanna call it | spit roasting | unprotected sex because this is fiction | Dom/sub undertones | spit/spit play | anal | fingering (vaginal and anal) | rough oral | deepthroating and gagging | hair pulling | mentions spanking | rough sex | nipple sucking | breast play | sloppy kisses | cum shots | facials | dirty talk | pet names | multiple orgasms | triple penetration | throat grabbing | panty sniffing | scent kink | masturbation | handjobs | throat fucking | choking on cock | public/ outdoor sex | squirting | itallics are from the script | mentions polyamorous relationships | the ending is fluffy to me | unedited ➻ author’s note: Well, this is the last one. I’m kind of sad. I’m going to miss these characters so much. Thank you once again for the support. Also, special thanks to @taechwitaaah for beta reading some of these and @yoon2k for this beautiful banner. I hope you all enjoy this one and Happy Holidays!

“Wait a minute.”

Hoseok momentarily takes his eyes off the paper to check in with you. You’re sitting at your desk reading along with him and the rest of the potential cast. Seven of the biggest names in the industry sit silently in your home office after just reading the screenplay you’ve printed for them.

You’re a tad bit nervous, but your poker face has never failed you.

“You wrote this entire thing?” Hoseok asks in disbelief. “By yourself?”

You can imagine they’ve never thought about what the people who write these things may look like, but whatever their imagination held certainly was not you.

Here you are sitting in your home office, a jobless adult film writer wearing a pair of dress pants and a blouse asking seven hot porn stars to be in your low-budget film. Unfortunately, you have no choice. Bills need to be paid, and work has been hard to find. 

You had to gather up whoever you could find, and these top-paid actors just happened to be looking for a gig.

“Yes, I did. It’s what I do,” you respond.

Hoseok looks over at Yoongi, who’s shaking his head in the corner of the room. He finds humor in his friend’s bewilderment, and it’s because he knows all about your credentials.

“Dude, she’s the real deal. She used to write Hu$tler’s shit,” Jimin explains. 

You nod to that statement, taking full credit for their greatest hits. Not only did you take part in writing and piecing things together, but you also produced several films there. 

But unfortunately, they did not see the vision you have for Unholy Night. They said no female actor would be able to pull off the role. And that there’s too much plot for a porno. But you have to disagree. 

Many people enjoy a bit of stimulation before doing their thing. However, when you have a bunch of people thinking with their dicks, you can never get your point across. You quit the same day, and no matter how many times they call you a day, you aren’t going back.

“Really? So why didn’t they reach out to our agents?”

You answer Taehyung’s question immediately. “Because I no longer work for them.”

You look around the room at the curious looks etched across the men’s faces and further explain the reason behind your departure from the company.

“One can only write the same plot so many times before they are worn out,” you add.

“So why not write something different?” asks Jungkook.

You gesture towards the papers in their hands.

“I did… And they laughed.”

The company didn’t think you could pull it off, nor did they think they could profit off of it.

“Well, I’d pay money to see it,” Seokjin interrupts. “I’m in.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Both Jimin and Jungkook join him in agreement, leaving four men left to respond.

“Well, I can’t agree until I know who’s the leading role,” Yoongi informs.

The other guys become curious as well because up until now that hasn’t been brought up.

“Let’s be real… I can’t afford to hire anyone else. This is a one-woman show, my friends. I’m writing, producing, directing, and… I’m starring in it.”

The room is silent once again. 

Everyone, including the people that were on board with working with you, are now skeptical about this. You have no experience. No screen time under your belt, but you’re planning to portray the leading actress yourself. It doesn’t sound too promising, and for actors of their status, it could be career changing.

You’re confident that you can manage, though. Being a writer gives you experience with creating personalities and characters. Your other secret weapon is your experience. You sure didn’t pull these ideas out of your ass. Sex is one of your favorite pastimes. Though, it’s been a while since you’ve visited that department.

Yoongi sighs before he offers his input.

“Look, you’re hot and this sounds fun. And it’s a great storyline, but…”

“You’re going to have to show us what you’re working with before we put our careers on the line,” Namjoon concludes.

Seokjin takes one look at your face, and he starts to apologize on Namjoon’s behalf.

“Um, I think what he means is we don’t normally work with inexperienced actors, and—”

“I know what he means, Mr. Kim,” you interrupt. “I understand your concerns.”

Namjoon’s comment actually reminded you of why you’re doing this. So many plots you’ve written where the female is left dick-whipped and in a post-orgasmic haze while the male role stands over them on a power trip. So many actresses stuck in the same loop, role after role, an empty filler with the same bimbo personality. They’re programmed to think this is what people want to see, but many viewers have grown exhausted from getting off to the same old shit.

And you would know because you sure didn’t enter this industry for the money.

“I’m not a company that can promise you a shit load of cash. There’s a reason I didn’t reach out to your agents; I knew they’d decline. What I can promise, however, is a good fuck and a brand this industry has never seen.”

You make sure you hold eye contact with everyone in the room before you continue. The last thing you want to show is that you lack confidence. You rise from your seat to make yourself appear larger, claiming dominance since this is your space.

“I have already proven to you how sexy my brain can be, but if I need to show you more… I don’t have an issue with that either,” you shrug.

You lean over your desk, resting your right knee on the surface so you can be closer to Namjoon who has claimed the seat in front of you. You both stare at one another until your smirk produces a tiny reaction from him.

“So how do you wanna do this, Mr. Kim?”

“Up to you, beautiful,” he challenges.

Your focus shifts to the other men for a moment, and then back to Namjoon.

“Well, if I can’t have all of you then this doesn’t work for me.”

“So how do we settle this?” Yoongi asks, gaining your attention.

All seven men scoot to the edge of their seats trying to figure out what happens next, but you plan to show them rather than telling them. You push your papers off of the desk and climb on top of it.

“I guess you all will have to come and push the ‘try me’ button.”

They all get up at once and make their way toward you. 

Namjoon is the closest, so you grab his hands and place them on your body. 

“You better pick a hole before it’s filled,” you whisper to him.

He responds by tearing your blouse. You watch the buttons bounce off the desk and then hit the floor. Namjoon’s fingers trace the black lace bra you’re wearing before he reaches behind you to remove it. 

Behind you, Taehyung helps to remove your shirt, and once your top half is bare, both men start groping your mounds. Your head lolls back on Taehyung’s shoulder while Namjoon leaves a trail of kisses down your neck. 

His hands move down to your pants, and he unbuttons them before slipping a hand inside.

“Shit.”

You hiss when his cold fingertips find your clit, and a wide grin spreads on his face.

“I want this one,” he chuckles, moving his digits toward your entrance. When he notices how wet you are already, he looks at Taehyung. “She’s been thinking about this.”

He grabs your throat and forces you to look at him.

“Why didn’t you speak up, sweetheart? We could have fucked you when we got here.”

“Ah. I—”

“Don’t be shy,” he laughs.

“I’m not.”

“We’ll see,” says Yoongi.

Namjoon slowly pushes two of his fingers into your cunt while Taehyung continues to feel all over your body. Jimin and Hoseok climb on the table with you, naked with their cocks in hand. They come close enough for you to take over and pleasure them while you are being pleased.

“Oh, she is not bad,” Hoseok comments.

“I agree,” Jimin says as well.

But you can do so much more. This is just pregaming.

You grind your ass on Taehyung while Namjoon fingers your pussy, and the action withdraws several comments. He praises you for the softness of your ass, and you show appreciation by turning to sloppily make out with him. 

Namjoon is impressed but still tries to break you before the fun even begins. He bends over and wraps his lips around one of your nipples, sucking while Taehyung twists and pinches the other.

“Fuck!” Jimin cries, and Taehyung teases him.

“Damn, dude. Is Namjoon sucking on your tits or hers?”

“Shut up. This feels so fucking good,” he moans, and Hoseok cosigns.

“Yeah, she’s talented.”

Namjoon releases your nipple and speaks. “I’m still not convinced.”

“Because you’re too afraid to whip your dick out,” you laugh.

Namjoon immediately retracts his hand, leaving you wet and disappointed. However, when he starts removing his clothes, excitement builds inside you.

Jungkook, Yoongi, and Seokjin are seated completely bare, stroking their cocks to the sight before them. It only makes you eager to get this started.

You feel Taehyung tugging on your pants so you leave Jimin and Hoseok for a moment so you can hop off of the desk and allow him to pull them down. He takes off your panties too but throws them to Jungkook.

You watch as he catches them and bundles them in his hands, sniffing the fabric before passing them to Seokjin. He passes them to Yoongi once he’s done, and Yoongi takes his turn with them. He wraps them around his dick once he’s taken a big whiff of them.

Before you can get caught up watching him get off with your panties, Namjoon reminds you of your tasks. He’s walked around the table and is now standing behind you.

“Quick math quiz,” he says in your ear. You hum to let him know you’re listening. “There are seven cocks in this room… How many can you take at once?”

Everyone waits for your answer with wide eyes. You can’t help but giggle at the question he asked you.

“I’d say all of them,” you reply.

Namjoon smirks. “I like that answer.

Your scalp burns from all the tugging and your ass stings from all the blows delivered to your skin. Your throat is sore from moaning and sobbing, but your adrenaline and desire remain high.

Namjoon and Jungkook take turns fucking you from behind while you lie bent over your desk while Yoongi, Hoseok, and Taehyung stand in front of you shoving their cocks down your throat. They all grab your hair and turn your head in every direction, making your head spin from all the commands they are giving.

“That’s it. Choke on it, love,” Hoseok grunts as you gag around his dick.

As soon as he hits the back of your throat, Taehyung grabs you and does the same. You do your best to keep Jimin and Seokjin’s dick in your hands, but Jungkook nearly makes it impossible with his thrusting. 

Out of nowhere, you feel a hand touch your ass, but not to spank you. Its fingers move towards the center and collect the arousal gushing from your cunt. You look back and see Namjoon smirking at Jungkook as he pushes his finger into your back entrance. Your eyes roll back from the fullness that overcomes your body.

Jungkook spreads your cheeks, and Namjoon allows his spit to drip into your hole. Jungkook fucks you faster and deeper, making your squeeze your hands around Seokjin’s and Jimin’s cock for support. They’re already sensitive since they’ve had their turn with you after winning a game of rock, paper, scissors so the pressure nearly drives them over the edge.

“Fuck, your turn, bro,” says Jungkook as his cock twitches inside of you. He knows better. All of them do. 

No one can come until you’re satisfied. 

Is it fair? No. But so far, you’ve had two orgasms; you know this final one will be mind-blowing then you’ll think about letting them reach their highs.

When Jungkook slips out of you, Namjoon takes his place. However, you don’t get to moan out his name when he enters you because Yoongi demands your attention.

“Open up,” he requests, and you do as you’re told.

Just as Namjoon did, he enters you with urgency. The two of them begin fucking you so hard that the desk shakes violently. Your cheeks and chin are covered with spit, tears, and precum while your ass and thighs are covered with large red handprints. Your mouth and throat are raw, and your body feels like it’s on fire.

Your muffled cries are broken and weak, but the pressure building inside of you is strong.

Namjoon removes his fingers, making you believe he’s done playing with that part of you, but you are proven wrong when his cock slips out of your pussy and enters your ass.

You scream, and the widening of your mouth allows Yoongi to travel deeper into your throat.

“Fuck! Every hole she owns is tight,” Namjoon groans. His legs wobble and shake, making you laugh even while he and Yoongi are buried inside of you. The vibrations cause Yoongi’s knees to buckle, and he looks around the room at his buddies before he speaks.

“I hate to disappoint but we gotta speed this up. I almost lost it.”

“Yeah,” Namjoon agrees. “I don’t think I can tag anyone else in. All of you look like you’re done for.”

With it set on their minds, Namjoon and Yoongi decide to take it home. These others gather around like a prayer circle and beat their dicks while their friends split you open.

Yoongi powers through, using your mouth like it’s his favorite toy. You breathe through your nose and relax your throat so you can last as long as he does without choking. Namjoon also makes the most of his last few minutes in paradise. He utilizes both of your holes, fucking one until his muscles are tired and then filling the other. 

Eventually, the pressure becomes too much, and an orgasm washes over you. You squirt all over your desk, leaving Namjoon mesmerized. His cock slips out of you, but that doesn’t stop you from coming. You lay flat on your stomach while Yoongi uses you like a sleeve, still coming and screaming their names.

Once you come to your senses, you hear the cries of pleasure surrounding you and quickly tap Yoongi’s thigh. He removes himself from your throat, and you slide off the table before running toward the center of your office. 

You fall to your knees, and the men get in formation. You look them in the eyes as you massage their balls and lick their cocks to help them reach their high. Even though you’re on your knees, they’re still under your control.

“Damn, sweetheart. We’ll help you with your movie. You’ve earned it,” Namjoon announces, and the others agree.

“But you haven’t read the ending,” you point out.

Your voice is rough and almost inaudible, but they respond, letting you know they heard you. No one knows how Unholy Night’s queen saves Heauxville from those damned souls, but they’re about to find out.

-

As you wait on your knees for Heauxville’s naughty batch to deposit their seed and paint your body as white as the snow beneath you, the morning sun starts to melt not only the cycles of ice decorating the town, but also, your frozen heart…

Okay, that was a lie. You have no heart, but you’ve always wanted to say that.

Though these men have been punished, you’d be a fool to think they won’t continue their nasty ways. It’s been a cold winter, but things will only heat up from this point forward. This town won’t be able to handle the wrath of these bruised egos. There’s only one person for that job, but she doesn’t plan to stay here any longer.

“Come for me, my loves,” you whisper, and your body becomes their canvas.

Cum and snow begin to cover you until, eventually, it stops. Your body falls onto the piles of white mush, and you smile as your new lovers join you. 

You lie there thinking and staring at the clear sky until it turns into the crystal ceiling of your castle. The chilling snow becomes the cool comfort of your satin sheets. Gentle snoring fills your ears, and you think about the amount of time that has passed since you shared your bed with someone. Maybe this was how it was supposed to be after all. Maybe it isn’t. Regardless, however. There are no rules on your end. 

What the queen wants, she gets. And right now, she wants seven toxic boyfriends… And now, she has them. It all works out perfectly. You’re already imagining what kind of trouble they will cause, and you become wet just from the thought. 

You sigh.

“Tis the fucking season, bitches.”

[starryblueeyesandstarryblueskies]

You Don’t Go To Parties | R.C.

Read part 2 here

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Reader

Summary: Rafe flashes back on moments in your relationship as he looks for you at his party, even though he knows that he won’t find you.

Based on the song:

A/N: This is the longest fic I’ve ever written and I think the one I’ve enjoyed the most. This definitely isn’t canon Rafe but it is the Rafe I dream of. Rafe and Sarah are actually close in this because they deserve that and Sarah and Topper aren’t dating cuz I just don’t like them together. Also it is very very very much not proofread like at all

As I am an adult, all characters I write for are written as adults. Any minor characters will be aged up to the general range of their actor’s age.

Warnings: drug and alcohol use, addiction, arguing, harassment, talk of ward being a shitty dad

Word Count: 6.5k

-

25 minutes. That’s how long the party had been going on at the Cameron house. 25 minutes. That was how long Rafe had been looking for you at said party.

He hadn’t even realized he was doing it. Scanning the party every few minutes, his conscious mind chalked it up to wanting to know who was at his house and he left it at that. He didn’t want to think about it any deeper.

Take a shot. Scan the kitchen.

Do a line. Scan the basement.

Play a round of beer pong. Scan the backyard.

“Right, bro? Rafe, have you even heard a word I said?” A shove from Topper brings Rafe back to reality.

“Huh, what? Is it my turn?” Rafe turns back to the card table covered with red solo cups.

“We lost like five minutes ago,” Topper deadpans, “which you would know if you had been paying attention.

Where is your head, bro? It’s like you’re not even here. This is your party.”

Rafe just shrugs in response, scanning the backyard again.

“Who are you looking for?”

Rafe turns back to his friend. “I’m not looking for anyone.”

“Yeah, sure,” Topper says skeptically, “You’re just searching the crowd every few minutes for no reason.” He claps him on the back. “Real convincing.”

Rafe starts to make a noise of indignation, but Topper is already walking away, leaving him to his thoughts.

As much as he doesn’t want to admit it to himself, Rafe knows exactly who he’s looking for, and he also knows he’ll never find you in the crowd. You don’t go to parties anymore, and he only has himself to blame.

-

(10 months earlier)

Growing up middle class in the Outer Banks was a weird experience. You weren’t a pogue and you weren’t a kook, and neither group made any attempt to claim you. You were just you.

You hadn’t wanted for much during your childhood, but you learned not to spend on needless expenses. Your parents taught you the necessity of hard work and they taught you how to budget. You didn’t go to lavish parties, but you weren’t going to bed hungry. As an adult, you worked two jobs, waitressing during the week and bartending on weekends, and your parents pitched in every once and a while to help you pay your rent. You weren’t rich by any means, but thanks to your work ethic and the kindness of your parents, you made it work.

Rafe Cameron grew up in a different world. He splurged endlessly, using up the massive allowance that his dad gave him. He didn’t care about price and he didn’t care about budgeting. Most of all, he had never worked hard a day in his life.

When he comes up to the bar one night while you’re pouring drinks, you don't spare him a second glance. He flashes you that crooked grin and calls you ‘darlin’’, but it doesn't matter. You know Rafe Cameron’s reputation and you don’t get tied up in the games of rich boys. You simply make him his drink and go on with your night.

Rafe on the other hand, is smitten from the moment he lays eyes on you. When the typical smile and sweet talk doesn’t have you falling at his feet like every other girl, he knows he’s a goner. He would make it his mission to catch your eye no matter what it took.

So he puts in the work, weekend after weekend he comes to the bar, day after day he comes to the restaurant. Each meeting is filled with flirty conversations and teasing looks, and despite your better judgment, you can feel him wearing you down.

-

(8 months earlier)

Two months after your first meeting, Rafe saunters into the bar, just like he did every Friday night, and heads straight for you.

“Y/N.” He greets you, the same crooked grin on his face.

“Rafe,” you reply, the same even tone you always use, “The usual?”

“You know it, darlin’.”

“You’re later than usual.” You note.

He smirks at that. “Worried I wasn’t coming?”

You give him a look. “Not a chance,” you retort, “just thought maybe I had finally scared you off.”

“Impossible.”

You can’t help the small smile that crosses your face at his reply, and you turn quickly so he doesn’t see, playing it off as helping another customer. When you refocus your attention back on him, you realize he hadn’t taken his eyes off you. He scans your face, the look on his face more serious than usual and one you can’t quite read.

He leans in, eyes locked on your face and murmurs under his breath, “Go on a date with me, please.”

Rafe has never blatantly asked you out before. You know that it’s been his intention all along, all his flirting building up to this moment, but you didn’t expect such sincerity behind his words. And you certainly didn’t expect him to say please.

You want to say no. You know better than to get involved with someone like him, but Rafe has a gravitational force that pulls you, and everyone around him, in. So when he gives you a small, hopeful smile, you can’t help that your body leans closer to him. And you can’t help but say yes.

-

He picks you up at 6:00 on the dot Monday night, looking about as handsome as you had ever seen him in dark jeans and a light blue pullover. He hadn’t told you much about what he had planned for the night, just to wear something comfortable and he would take care of everything else.

You aren’t quite sure what to expect from Rafe Cameron on a date, but as he opens the door of his truck for you, looking down at you with a smile and a soft look in his eyes, you realize you aren’t worried.

Rafe drives you to a small clearing that you had never seen. It’s a grassy spot that overlooks a quiet area of the beach, and is just secluded enough to give the two of you privacy. He pulls in carefully, angling the bed of the truck toward the beach.

Once he parks, you reach for the door handle, but Rafe puts up a hand to stop you.

“Wait right here for a second, okay?”

He grabs a bag from the backseat and hops out of the truck, setting up the truck bed to his liking. When he finishes, he jogs over to your side of the truck where he opens your door and helps you out.

You raise an eyebrow at the gesture, a small smile gracing your face. “Quite the gentleman, Rafe Cameron.”

“I was trained well,” he jokes back at you.

As you round the back of the truck, Rafe jumps up onto the tailgate, reaching down a hand to help you up the big step. You’re thankful for the help as you almost fall, not once, but twice in the process.

“Well, that was graceful,” you giggle and Rafe laughs along with you.

When he’s confident you're steady on your own two feet, Rafe takes a seat on one side of the truck bed, motioning you to do the same across from him. Between you, he’s set up a small picnic with a few of your favorite foods and a variety of drinks, alcoholic and non-alcoholic alike.

“I wasn’t sure which you would want,” Rafe offers at your questioning glance, “I wasn’t sure how much you drink.”

Your heart flutters a little with the thoughtfulness of his words. It’s not what you would’ve expected from Rafe. You’ve heard the stories, and know his reputation. Rafe drank a high volume and often. You’d expected him to want you to do the same. Then again, nothing about your experience with Rafe has been what you expected.

The night was everything you could’ve hoped for. You and Rafe spend hours talking and laughing while feasting on the picnic he had brought. The conversation never seemed to lull, and even the quiet moments between the two of you felt comfortable.

As the sun went down over the water, you let out a content sigh. “It really is beautiful.”

Rafe hums in agreement, leaning back against his hands as he looks between you and the sunset. He can’t believe how lucky he is to be here with you. How he convinced you to go out with him is beyond his comprehension, but he’s going to enjoy it while it lasts.

A light breeze blows across the clearing, and you can’t help but shiver slightly. It was usually pretty warm in the Outer Banks, but considering it was nearing November, sometimes the nights get a bit chilly.

Noticing your discomfort, Rafe reaches through the open truck window and pulls out a jacket. He drapes it over your shoulders gently, and you feel yourself leaning into his touch. You look up at him, the ‘thank you’ getting caught into your throat when you realize just how close he is.

You can feel his warm breath fan across your face, his eyes flickering to your eyes and your lips, gaze intense. He’s waiting for your permission to make a move, so you tilt your head up ever so slightly. Moving so your lips are almost brushing against his.

He takes this as his cue, pressing his lips against yours. The kiss is strong, but gentle, Rafe’s mouth moving in time with yours as if you were made for each other. You feel like you’re floating, and you don’t ever want to come down.

-

(7 months earlier)

A month into your relationship, Rafe takes you to a party at his buddy Dylan’s house. It’s your first real kook party. Sure, you’ve been to your fair share of parties while living on the island, but none of them have been in mansions owned by rich parents who just let their kids have free reign.

You can tell Rafe feels comfortable like this, surrounded by rich kids in a big house with loud music and expensive booze. You know he’s been to plenty of parties just like this one, but you can’t help but feel out of place, even by the kook king’s side.

Luckily for you, Rafe steers you towards the kitchen pretty quickly, not wanting to share you with everyone the whole night.

“Wow, this is quite the party,” you state, gesturing around the room.

Rafe pours you a cup of beer and then grabs one for himself, tucking an arm around your waist to pull you into his body.

“What do you mean? You’ve been to lots of parties,” he comments.

“Not in houses like this, Rafe,” you laugh, “they have two ovens, and a fridge that looks like a cabinet.”

Rafe chuckles at that. “Fair enough.”

“Yo, Rafe!” A loud, frat boy looking blond enters the kitchen.

Rafe gives him a quick bro hug before leaning back into your side. “Hey man, what’s up?”

“Where you been lately, dude? I haven’t seen you at a party in forever!” He gestures toward you. “I take it this is the girl who’s been taking you all your time?”

Rafe smiles warmly down at you. “This is Y/N. Y/N, Trey.” He gestures back to the blond.

“Nice to meet you,” you offer.

“Yeah, you too.” Trey throws out the quick reply, clearly thinking of you as nothing beyond a fling. He turns back toward Rafe. “Look you didn’t hear this from me, but there’s some of the good stuff downstairs. You know what I mean.” He taps the side of his nose.

Rafe feels you stiffen against his side at the comment. “I’m good, man. Appreciate the heads up.”

Trey shakes his head, giving him an incredulous look. “More for me then.”

He walks away not long after, but you still feel on edge. Sensing your continuing discomfort, Rafe leads you away from the commotion and out onto an empty balcony.

“Are you okay?” He doesn’t crowd you which you appreciate, leaving a few feet of space between you. “I can tell that conversation made you uncomfortable.” For having known you only a few months, he seems to be able to read you pretty well.

You nod. “It’s just not really something we’ve talked about you know? The drug use.”

Rafe nods.

“Look, I don’t want to tell you what to do. And I don’t want to issue ultimatums. But I feel like we need to have a conversation about it before our relationship progresses any further.”

Rafe’s eyes never leave yours as he nods again, encouraging you to continue.

“I know it’s a big thing on the island, coke especially. I mean I don’t live under a rock. But I’m not comfortable around it, and I’m not comfortable surrounding myself with people who do it.” You pause for a moment, preparing yourself for what you have to say next. “Addiction is pretty prevalent in my family, and a lot of people have struggled with drug abuse. It’s a big deal to me and I don’t think I can be with you if that’s something you’re taking part in.” You hold your breath, knowing this could be the end of your budding relationship with Rafe.

He steps closer to you, reaching out to intertwine your fingers. “I understand,” he says with sincerity in his words, “I know I have a reputation Y/N, and I know you’ve looked past a lot of it to give me a chance.”

You look away, finding it hard to meet the intensity of his gaze, afraid of what might come next.

“I want you to feel comfortable around me, no matter what. Would it make you feel better if I told you I’ve been clean since we met?”

Your eyes snap to his at the question. “Really?” Rafe nods in reply. “Why?”

“I knew I wanted to be with you from the day I met you, and I knew in order for that to happen I had to be the best version of myself that I could.” He shrugs. “You’re worth more than the high.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.”

-

(5 months earlier)

“I just don’t understand what you’re getting so upset about?”

“Rafe, I’m upset because we’ve had this dinner date planned for weeks and you suddenly canceled on me twenty minutes before you were supposed to pick me up.”

You’re standing on one side of your living room as Rafe paces across from you. Last night, the two of you were supposed to go to dinner at a nice restaurant. A date that had been planned two weeks ago when Rafe had first surprised you with the reservation. You had spent over an hour getting ready when he canceled on you with a text. No explanation as to why and a half assed apology. You don’t think he even realized you were upset about it until he showed up at your door this morning and saw the piercing glare you gave him.

“Look, there was nothing I could do about it, okay?” Rafe runs his hands through his hair. “Something just came up last minute.”

“And you won’t even tell me what it was.” His non-explanation does nothing to curb your anger. “How do you expect me to feel, Rafe?”

He softens when he sees the look in your eyes, realizing you're not so much mad as you are hurt. Hurt that he canceled, hurt that he won’t tell you why, hurt that he doesn’t seem to care.

“It was Sarah, and my dad,” Rafe offers in explanation, “I don’t know exactly what happened, but they got in this huge fight and I just needed to be there for her.” He moves closer to you. “I’m sorry, baby.”

All your anger fades away at his words. “Is she okay?” You and Sarah have gotten close since you started dating Rafe. You know all the Cameron kids have a strained relationship with their father, Rafe most of all. He’s never told you the full extent of his issues with his dad, but you know he’s very protective of his sisters when it comes to Ward.

Rafe nods. “She’ll be fine.” He wants to pull you into his arms, but he hesitates, knowing this conversation isn’t quite over.

You look at him with hurt eyes. “You could’ve told me you know. I would’ve understood.” You love how much he cares for his sisters. You never would’ve stood in the way of him being there for Sarah.

“I know. I’m sorry,” he repeats again, “I wasn’t thinking.” This time you move a little closer, opening yourself up to him. When he reaches out, you allow him to pull you into his body. “It won’t happen again. I promise.”

You nod into his chest. Rafe pulls you back slowly to look into your eyes. “I love you.”

It’s the first time he’s said it, but it’s how he’s felt since day one. When you smile up at him, eyes full of adoration, he feels like his heart could burst.

“I love you too, Rafe.”

-

The Cameron house is full of music, beer, and kooks. At this point in your relationship you’ve been to a fair amount of kook parties with Rafe and while it’s still not necessarily your scene, you’ve come to feel a lot more comfortable in the chaotic atmosphere by Rafe’s side. You understand the appeal more now, even if it’s not entirely your thing.

Since Rafe is hosting this party, you spend a lot of the night with Sarah, allowing him to mingle with his friends, pour drinks, and the like. The two of you are confident in your relationship and don’t feel like you need to spend every minute together. You don’t mind him doing his hosting thing as long as he checks in on you from time to time, as you’re having fun dancing the night away with Sarah.

“Hey darlin’,” Rafe pulls you into him from behind, sliding his arm around your waist while you sway to the music, “Not having too much fun without me are you?”

You turn to wrap your arms around his neck. “Oh absolutely. You know your sister might be more fun than you are. I might just have to reconsider which Cameron I’m dating,” you tease.

Rafe feigns shock with a hand to his heart, looking between you and Sarah. “I can’t believe what I’m hearing!”

“Oh believe it, big brother!” Sarah chimes in, “She’s my girlfriend now.”

He pouts at that, turning to you with over exaggerated sad eyes. You laugh at his expression, but can’t help kissing the pout off his lips.

“Don’t worry, baby. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

Sarah fakes a gag behind you as the two of you look lovingly into each other’s eyes. “Okay, you guys are gross. Rafe, leave us alone so we can dance!”

“What, now I can’t even spend time with my own girlfr–” A crash sounds from behind him. “Oh fuck. What the hell was that?”

He gives you an apologetic look but you wave him off. “It’s okay, go deal with the chaos.” You smile and he gives you one last peck on the lips before running off in the direction of the crash.

Sarah takes her place at your side again as you both watch his retreating figure. “I may give him a lot of shit, but I gotta admit, you two are really good together.” She loops her arm through yours. “Plus I got a new best friend out of the deal.”

The two of you laugh and turn back to the dance floor when you feel a hand close around your wrist. You turn with a smile, assuming Rafe has returned after dealing with the mess, but instead you come face to face with a guy you’ve never met.

“Um, hi,” you say to him, a little confused.

The guy flashes an over confident smirk at you. “Hey, babe. Wanna dance?”

“Oh, I’m actually dancing with my friend right now, but thanks.”

You try to pull your arm from his grip, but instead of talking your gentle brush off he just grips you tighter. Sarah turns back looking for you just as he pulls you hard, causing you to stumble closer to him. She gives you a worried look, but you shake your head at her. You’ve dealt with your fair share of pushy men at the bar, so you're pretty sure you can handle this yourself.

“Oh come on.” He speaks uncomfortably close to your face. So much so that you can smell the alcohol coming off his breath in waves. “It’s just a dance.”

“I said no.” You yank your arm stiffly from his grip. “Find someone else.”

Your defiance does little more than anger him as he lunges for you again, this time gripping both arms so tightly you’re sure he’ll leave a bruise.

“Hey!” Sarah jumps in now as this situation escalates. “She said no. Back off!”

In the kitchen, Rafe is finishing up dealing with the most recent crisis when he hears voices raising in the living room. Oh god, what now?

“Yo Rafe!” Topper rushes into the kitchen. “You better get out here man. Some guy is harassing Y/N.”

Rafe charges into the living room after his best friend, freezing when he sees you. Some guy has got ahold of both of your arms while you try to pull away, Sarah trying in vain to get in between the two of you, and the rest of the crowd looking around nervously, clearly waiting for the moment when Rafe finds out what is happening.

Sarah is all up in the guy’s face, practically biting his head off, but you can’t really hear what is being said at this point. You’re finding it a little hard to breathe at the moment, unable to concentrate on anything except how trapped you feel as you continue to pull against his strong grip.

You can feel your eyes welling up as your breathing shallows, but right before the tears can fall the guy is ripped away from you. You stumble back into Sarah’s arms as a tall body plants themselves protectively in front of you.

“Stay the hell away from her,” Rafe practically growls out.

“Hey, I didn’t do anything wrong! She was all over me, man.”

Rafe is physically holding himself back at that, hands trembling with the effort. “I can guarantee you, she was not.” He wants to cave the guy’s face in, but he knows that would just upset you more and he doesn’t want to do anything to add to your anxiety.

The guy stalks forward again, angry at being embarrassed in front of all these people, and gets in Rafe’s face. “You need to back the fuck up,” Rafe barks out.

“Who the hell do you think you are?”

“First of all, I’m her boyfriend.” The guy goes to make an angry retort, probably about you wanting him, but Rafe cuts him off. “And second of all, I’m the one throwing this damn party.”

The guy pales in realization, he may not have known what Rafe Cameron looks like, but he clearly knows this is his party, and he just pissed off the kook king big time.

“Now get the fuck out of my house.” Rafe looks over at Topper who nods and grabs the guy by the back of his shirt, marching him straight out the front door.

Rafe turns toward you, still shaking in Sarah’s embrace. He opens his arms and you bury yourself in his chest as he leads you away from the crowd up to his bedroom. As you walk you can hear Sarah yell behind you, “Alright everyone, party’s over! Go home.”

As he shuts the door to his bedroom, Rafe speaks softly in your ear, “I’m so sorry, baby. I should’ve been there.”

You shake your head. “I’m okay. It’s not your fault.”

“Doesn’t matter. I’m not leaving your side at a party ever again. I promise.” He crawls on the bed pulling you so you're laying fully on top of him. “I won’t let anyone lay their hands on you again.”

You just nod, nustling deeper in his embrace, finally feeling the trembling dissipate as you begin to feel safe again in his arms.

-

(3 months earlier)

You sat around the fire listening as one of your friends told a story about a terrible first date she went on last week. You plant your face in your hands and groan as she tells you the cheesy pickup line he used at the end of the night, Sarah falling into fits of laughter beside you.

“I honestly can’t believe you didn’t just walk out at this point,” she gets out between giggles.

You nod your head enthusiastically. “Girl, you have gotta start finding better people to date.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she says in a teasing voice, “Not all of us can be in the perfect relationship, okay?”

You put your hands up in mock surrender, letting her continue on her rant of first dates being the worst. Your relationship with Rafe isn’t perfect, but you won’t deny that it's pretty damn close.

You and your friends put this bonfire together at the beach as a chance to just relax and catch up. Sarah, Topper, and a few others sit with you on the sand. Rafe coming a little later in the night because he has to run a few quick errands for his dad, but you don’t mind. This is the first time you’ve really had a solid group of friends since you were a kid, and it’s nice to feel relaxed and happy even without your boyfriend there.

A few minutes later, you hear a truck pull up and a car door shut. You turn with a bright smile on your face, excited to see your boyfriend after a long day without him, but your excitement turns to worry when you see the look on his face. He plasters on a smile as he makes it to the group, but you know him well enough to see right through it. You turn to Sarah and the look she gives you confirms that something is definitely wrong with Rafe.

“Hey, let’s go on a little walk, okay?” You give him a small smile. “We’ll be back in a few, guys.”

Your friends respond with a chorus of okay’s and see ya’s and Sarah gives you an encouraging nod.

Trekking along the water line, you take Rafe’s hand in yours. “What’s going on, baby? You seem upset.”

“Just a long day. My dad was a lot.”

You nod. “Do you wanna tell me about it?”

“Maybe in a little while. Can we just walk for a bit?”

“Of course.”

He tucks you into his side, enjoying the way your presence grounds him after the day he’s had. You wait patiently until he’s ready to start speaking. Rafe doesn’t talk about his dad too often around you. He’s told you the basics of how they don’t really get along and that he can be pressuring and overbearing, but that’s the extent of it.

While he knows that you would be supportive and that it’s good to get it out, he doesn’t like recounting their fights. It usually just makes him feel trapped back in that moment. This, however, is the worst fight they’ve had in a while and he just can’t deal with it himself this time.

“He told me I’m a failure and that I can’t be trusted to do anything right.” Rafe rushes out the sentence in one breath.

You stop abruptly, turning to face him. “He said what?”

“He said that I’m never going to be a successful adult, because I can’t even do the simple tasks he asks of me. And that I’m distracted all the time and never spend enough time at home or doing the work he needs me to do.”

“Rafe,” you say softly, but he’s not finished.

“He wants me to break up with you because he thinks you take up too much of my time and don’t respect him or the way he runs our family.”

You can’t help the look of disbelief that crosses your face. “Oh my god.”

“I know.” Then he rushes to add, “I told him no obviously. I’m not breaking up with you because he told me too. I’d never do that.”

“No, baby, I know.” You reach a hand up to his cheek, rubbing your thumb back and forth to calm him down. “That’s not what I’m worried about. But that was a lot for you to hear, Rafe.”

He nods slightly, trying and failing to hide the tears welling up in his eyes.

“You’re not a failure, baby.” You turn his head toward you gently. “If he can’t see the amazing man you’ve become, the capable, confident, happy man that you are, then that’s his deficiency not yours.”

Rafe looks back at the ground, whispering in agreement, but it’s clear he doesn’t mean it.

“Rafe Cameron, you are an incredible man. I wouldn’t be here otherwise. And I will remind you of that everyday until you believe it.” You duck down under his lowered gaze until your eyes meet. “Screw your dad.” You add sternly.

That earns you a little smile and a squeeze of your hand. “Thank you,” Rafe murmurs.

You pull him to sit next to you on the sand. “Why don’t we just stay here for a little while? We don’t have to go back to the bonfire quite yet.”

And there you sit, for the rest of the night, your back pressed to Rafe’s front, his arms around your waist while you rub soothing circles into his arms. Enjoying the breeze, the sound of the waves, and most of all, each other's company, because as long as you have each other it doesn’t matter what else goes wrong in the world.

-

(2 months earlier)

“Come on, Y/N!”

“Rafe, I’ve told you a hundred times, I can’t go to Jason’s party with you tonight. I have to work. You’ll just have to go with Top.”

You’re standing behind the bar arguing with Rafe, who apparently drove all the way all the way to your place of employment to beg you to go to this party with him, even though he knows damn well that you have a shift tonight.

“Can’t you blow off work just this once?” Rafe tries again.

“No, Rafe, I can’t.” You pace back and forth in front of him, getting dangerously close to being late for work. “If I don’t work this shift, I won’t be able to make rent this month, not to mention the fact that they’d probably fire me for bailing this late.”

“It’s like you don’t even want to spend time with me?”

“Because I won’t blow off work for you? Rafe, I need this money. You know what, I’m done with this conversation. I’m going to be late. We’ll talk about this later.” With that final statement, you stalk inside, not even pausing to glance back at your boyfriend.

You can’t stop thinking about your fight while you work, turning the words over and over in your head throughout your shift. You know Rafe has never had to worry about money or even really about having a job, but usually he was pretty understanding of your life and finances. He knew you needed this job to survive and as much as you wish it could be different, at this point in your life, work had to take precedence over hanging out with friends. You couldn’t afford for it not to.

By the end of your shift, you decide that you and Rafe should wait until morning to talk. You still feel pretty hot about the whole situation, and nothing good would come from the two of you arguing all night. In the morning, you could stop by his place and have a discussion when both of you had clear heads.

You pack up your stuff, saying goodbye to your coworkers and heading to your car when you notice two new voicemails from Rafe. You play the first.

“Hey darlin’, it's me. I was an asshole earlier and you have every right to be mad at me. I shouldn’t have asked you to skip out on work and I definitely shouldn’t have made it all about me. I know how important this job is for you. Just call me back please. I hate it when we fight. I love you, baby.”

You let out a deep sigh, your heart clenching. You hated fighting with him too, but you still think the night would do you both some good. You play the second voicemail while you start driving.

“Y/N,” Rafe’s voice breaks on your name, “I know you’re still mad at me, but I need you.”

You stiffen at the pain in his voice, feeling a little panicked.

“Dad and I got in this huge fight and– It was really bad,” He whispers the last part, “Call me back please. I need you.”

You pull over quickly, clicking on his contact in your phone. Your fingers drum anxiously on the wheel with every ring, but there’s no answer. You try again to no avail. As a last resort, you try calling Topper. He picks up on the second ring.

“Y/N! Where you at?” You can hear the noise of the party in the background.

“Top, is Rafe with you?”

“Yeah, he’s around here somewhere! I saw him just a few minutes ago.”

“Great, I’m on my way.” You hang up before he even has a chance to say goodbye, turning around in the middle of the road to make your way to Jason’s house.

For once, you’re glad you live on such a small island, because it only takes you a few minutes to get to the party. You park quickly and head inside, looking for your boyfriend all the while. It only takes you a few seconds to spot Topper and Sarah in the living room.

“Hey girl!” Sarah gives you a big hug.

“Hey, have you seen your brother?”

She shakes her head. “Last I saw he was in the backyard.”

“No, no,” Topper chimes in, “We saw him a few minutes ago. I think he was heading to the back room.”

“Oh yeah!” Sarah nods along.

“Thanks guys.” You head in the direction they pointed, ignoring their calls to take a shot with them. The only thought in your head after hearing that message is finding your boyfriend and making sure he’s okay.

Pushing through the crowds, you finally make your way into the back room, letting out a sign of relief when you see your boyfriend sprawled out on the couch. He turns your way, catching your eye with a deer in the headlights expression on his face. The relief you felt disappearing as fast as it arrived when you see the white power under his nose.

Before Rafe can say a word, you spin on your heel, heading back the way you came.

“Y/N! Y/N, wait!” He calls after you, but you don’t stop.

It isn’t until you push past your friends and out the front door until he finally catches up to you. Rafe grabs your arm, spinning you to face him. Behind him you can see Sarah and Topper have followed the two of you into the front yard with confused and concerned looks on their faces.

“Y/N, baby, would you stop? Where are you going?”

“Where am I going? Rafe, are you kidding me?” You shove his hand off your arm. “I’m going home.”

“Why?”

“Because you are high out of your mind!” He has the decency to look ashamed at that. “You told me you were done with this, Rafe. You knew how uncomfortable you using drugs made me and you told me you were done, that I was worth more than the high. Clearly that wasn’t true.” You turn back toward your car.

“What the hell was I supposed to do, Y/N? I needed you and you weren’t there! You didn’t even answer the phone when I called.”

You whirl around. “I was at work! I didn’t even have my phone on me, Rafe. I had no idea that you called.” Rafe opens his mouth to argue, but you cut him off. “No. You don’t get to blame this on me. I rushed over here after a long, miserable shift of replaying our fight over and over in our mind, just to make sure you were okay. You made this choice. You chose to throw away everything we had. Six months down the drain for a meaningless high.”

“Baby, please.” The tears in his eyes and pain on his face threaten to crack you in half, but you’ve made up your mind. This is one thing you can’t forgive.

You can barely get the words out, your voice nothing more than a broken whisper. “I’m done.”

You rush to your car, leaving Rafe standing there in shock. Before you can shut your door, Sarah is there pulling you into a hug. “Let me come with you, you shouldn’t be alone right now.”

You shake your head. “No, stay with Rafe. He's your brother. He needs you more right now. He just gave up eight months clean and sober, that’s going to be hell to come back from.”

She just gives you an uncertain look. “What about you?”

“I’ll be fine. I promise.”

You try to hold it together as you drive home, but you don’t make it more than a few miles before you have to pull over, crying too hard to continue. By the time you make it home, it’s been over an hour since the party. You crawl in bed straight away, crying until there’s no tears left and you fall into an uneasy sleep.

-

(Back to present)

Rafe stumbles back into the living room, looking for anything and everything that will distract him from thoughts of you. He makes it to the kitchen, quickly downing a shot before pouring himself another when he hears a noise. He freezes for a moment, thinking the universe is taunting him, then turns slowly.

There you are talking to Sarah, beautiful as ever, with your head thrown back in a laugh, and another man’s arm around your waist.

-

Writing masterlist

[saezurumurmurs]

A BL Platform For Everyone

NB: Please reblog this for visibility!

A little over two years ago, me and my BL crew were in our little chat sharing recommendations. 

Cat had an impressive spread sheet, Marcie and I had iCloud Notes, and it was pretty much chaos.

I looked at it and said out loud, "There has to be a better way for us to keep track of our reads and share recommendations. There has to be right?"

Cat said she wished someone would build a BL app with everything already there. Me, a developer of almost thirty years, paused while a floodlight (not a light bulb) went off in my head.

“Well I could maybe build one… cause like, I build stuff. How would that be?”

By the end of the conversation Cat had invited me to build an app for BL. 

Four weeks later, in late February of 2022, digitaljuicy.com was online. 

In the last couple of years, I’ve been listening to the fandom, paying attention to feedback, poured over analytics, read your responses to the Reader’s Survey and continued to craft a platform with all this in mind.

What I have been building is 100% for us... there is nothing but BL and it is an attempt to encompass ALL of BL. Not just the bits and pieces.

But for two years I've been struggling. Struggling in many ways, but specifically to get what I wanted out of the platform. I tried and failed so many times.

In September of 2022 I tried to raise venture capital to build the platform I wanted for us. I pitched it to accelerators and true blue venture capital.

Juicy is what is called 'pre-seed'. Which means were still so new and evolving, under-resourced and while there was interest, there was no joy. No funding was raised.

In December 2023, I realised it was time to rethink Juicy. i have been on the deepest dive for months rebuilding Juicy from the ground up and preparing the framework for the mobile app.

I’ve built something I want to use… and wild, I’m building it and using it as a fan at the same time. I'm at the point where it's impossible not to want to share.

And what kind of platform do I mean? At its most basic level:

You can track your reads, watches and plays

You can review and recommend the titles to the community, your friends, strangers on Twitter, your friend you're trying to corrupt outside the fandom. Your poison.

Timelines for you, for titles, for episodes, chapters… just about everything. I mean everything: The creators, the publishers, the studios, the actors... you can leave reviews and status posts on EVERYTHING. No algorithms, no force feeding... just discovery, recommendations and honest reviews by this community about our community and the industry we feed.

Collections! Lists of stuff you're reading, dropped, want to read, want to buy, love or hate, all pretty and organised and shareable..

A growing database resource of titles, tagged up to its eyeballs with a minutiae of data.. with reading an streaming links and anything else we find that we think is relevant.

But it is also a lot more than this.

I wanted it to be more than what it was. I want to turn Juicy into a mobile app, add some more functionality and more specifically, platform all of BL for its non-Asian fandom.

We get left out of so much, I feel like we need our own thing. 

I don’t know about ya’ll, but I was tired of being banned on social media for sharing content. How you gonna ban me for saying a 2D fictional character needs to be shot with shite and strung with cobweb? But they did… and I know it’s not just me.

What about the creators? How do they interface with the non-Japanese or non-Korean fandoms? On which misogynistic hell site?

What about the publishers and merchandisers? What about the little Etsy sellers? Why does BL have to hidden away in the databases of mangaupdates, anisearch and anilist? Why does every single manga tracker out there seem to have pitiful listings for BL? 

Is it because we’re a female or queer audience? 

Look at this lil video I made:

Either way, I’ve long felt it’s time for us to do our own thing. So I’ve been building it. Pixel by pixel. Feature by feature on my own.

Juicy has been a small chat group, but I’m the only developer. We’ve always been clear about what we wanted to build: A platform for the fandom, the creators, the publishers, the merchandisers… my goal is a one-stop platform for BL and I am damn close to presenting this new iteration.

This was and remains the core of what I’m building: The largest English platform for BL on the planet. The functionality is one thing, but building a database like that is not a one-person job.

So now I need your help.

First to keep the servers online, so I can continue to build and develop and finally, finally release the mobile app. I can't tell you how much I want that.

I’m close to pushing the new Juicy 3.0 out, and I’m very in love with the work I’ve done since December. It’s a new look, and it works 1000 times better than the previous iterations of Juicy.

I just have hit a wall financially, and need your help and support to get it over the line.

Juicy's ass is fat and I been carrying her mostly alone for two solid years. 

I’m going to launch a Kickstarter for this project in a bit so I can hire another developer  to help with the trickier bits and fine tune the mobile app, but for now, I felt a Patreon would at least help us keep the servers up and maybe, just maybe allow us to afford a few crucial bits that will elevate your experience as a user.

And because I’m a developer, and I can do some pretty kinky shit with APIs and such, if you support this Patreon campaign, you will get some nice feature perks on the platform automagically. You won’t have to pay again to access these perks in-app later.

As many perks as I can cook up anyway, not the least of which will be access to some of the nicer functions and features I’ve already built into the platform.

When the mobile app launches, you will get it first and for free! Plus we’ve been talking about a lot of other ways we can make the platform fun beyond what I've done already.

I plan to monetise the platform in various ways, but in a profit sharing model. You contribute to the database, you contribute content, you get a share of whatever the platform makes. This is already built into the system. This will be open to anyone willing, but to Patrons first.

Finally, I'm limiting the number of people who can subscribe via Patreon to 1000 people. Once we hit that number, the rolls will be closed to new membership, and everyone directed to the platform to pay for any services or merchandise.

My goal for this group of Patrons is that you become an exclusive and tightly knit inner circle.

My hope is that you will help me actively shape what Juicy will become. Your votes and say will carry weight. Your feature requests considered and if possible implemented first.

You will get access to exclusive merchandise, exclusive giveaways and promos (like free stuff), and exclusive programming from the team.

With your help we will produce an exclusive podcast for Patrons only discussing all things BL and Juicy (honestly our conversations are generally wild and hilarious... it will be a rollick for sure), along with other content for Patrons only. We've even planned watch parties and other fun shit... I swear, we want you all to be our greatest ambassadors so we are planning as many treats as we can.

Your access on the platform will be specific to your Patreon subscription and your treatment will be VIP for the life of your subscription.

Finally, the way my auADHD are set up, I have no interest in the dramas of the BL fandom, so this is never going to be about gatekeeping access to anything. It’s about making more access possible. You can help bring us all together and make us stronger as a group.

So do you think Digital Juicy sounds like something you’d like in on?

Okute Sea

Saezuru Murmurs

[buckttommy]

unpopular opinion (especially rn) but I'm actually glad fox shot down bi buck and buddie. Cause if they hadn't, we wouldn't have had bucktommy.

Oh, that's not—

Okay. Look. You all know I love BuckTommy. I genuinely, truly think they are so sweet together and, if BuckTommy was your gateway drug into this show, or this fandom, I can see why you would feel this way. But babe, this is not it.

This is such a selfish and insensitive thing to say, because what you're actually saying—in the midst of all the grief and hurt that we are expressing, by the way—is that you're glad a romantic queer story centered around the love and commitment between two men was shot down. You're glad these actors were silenced and disregarded. You're glad these characters were robbed of opportunities to grow as characters and individuals. Most offensively, you're saying you're glad the queer audience—of which most of us are apart of—was deprived of an important character/storyline years ago... just because we have BuckTommy now? Nah. That's wrong, babe.

I don't know what kind of reaction you were expecting from me. Probably a more positive one, considering my url, but this is actually so fucking hurtful. Like I said, if this is your first season with 9-1-1 and you don't have an attachment to Buddie, that's 100% fine. I get that, and you don't have to have an attachment to that ship. But as a Queer person, and as someone who has spent years loving these characters and rooting for their ability to love each other? This message leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

So. Yeah. It's an unpopular opinion, and if I were you, I would consider developing some empathy and perspective, or at the very least, "wait for the body to cool" before you share your unpopular opinion.

[zehiiro]

My thoughts on the 'The Book of Carol' NYCC Press Conference

I really enjoyed the press conference; they spoke more about season 2 than what was covered during the live audience panel.

There were some clarifications and interesting comments made, and I just want to mention some of them here, specifically the ones about Daryl/Carol and Norman/Melissa.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Firstly, I loved the initial comment by Norman, confirming what a lot of us have all been thinking, which was that:

"She [Carol] feels something's wrong. They have that kind of bond, where there's a lot of unspoken things that are said... the bonds that we made in the flagship show are still very strong. She [Carol] can take care of herself, of course... but the bond just keeps getting stronger and stronger. He [Daryl] wants to go home but can't leave it like this. He's just not that guy."

-------------------------------------------------------------

The timeline of Melissa's involvement with the show:

When asked to clarify the timeline of when Melissa got on board/back on board with the show, Norman answered,

"She was on board since before the first script came out, and you know media says this and social media says that, and I literally told the truth; she's been here since day one."

I felt really bad here at how much hate he has been getting from some people, just because of this misunderstanding. I could hear the hurt in his voice when he said he was telling the truth.

Gimple then added that they just wanted to hide her so the audience would experience the surprise of her return in the finale and how they were shocked by how many people showed up at La Defense and spotted Melissa filming after they worked so hard to try and hide her presence in France.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Norman and Melissa's scenes that have already been shot for S2:

Norman confirmed that Melissa only filmed a little bit without him and that they have since filmed a bunch together in multiple locations, but not in exact chronological order, which I'm so happy about because now that we know that they have finished filming 3 episodes of the show, and have 3 to go, this could imply that we'll be getting the Caryl reunion very early in the season.

I was a little sad when Zabel talked about Melissa's first day on set:

"She was very excited to come back to play the character again, but... everyone around her was different like there was nobody there that she knew (except for Greg and Zabel)."

I really hope this means that they took extra good care of her and made sure she was comfortable and had everything she needed.

Norman confirmed he wasn't there for her first day, but I can understand that, especially if (I suspect) they made a choice to not see each other on set before filming Carol and Daryl's reunion scene so that it's as authentic as possible.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Norman and Melissa's agency as executive producers:

They confirmed that both Norman and Melissa are involved in their characters' storytelling and that there's a lot of collaboration between Norman & Melissa and also between them and the writers. I was so happy to hear Zabel say:

"We'd be fools not to rely on actors who know these characters as well as they do... it's kind of a gift because they know so much about who they are already; you wanna build on that, you don't want to get stuck and stagnated on that."

That's all we've been asking for, let Norman and Melissa lead!

No one knows Carol and Daryl as well as they do. They lived inside their minds for 12+ years; they brought them to life and made them the characters/duo that we love so much, and only they truly understand what Carol and Daryl mean to each other, what they want, and what they need.

I was particularly happy to hear Zabel say that he sat down with Melissa from very early on and asked her about where she thinks Carol needs to go next and what are the things that are unresolved with her. All I need from the season 2 writing is to show that her voice was heard and that her ideas were considered and properly implemented into Season 2.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Overall, this all sounds really promising to me, although I'd still like to hear some of these things from Melissa rather than everyone speaking on her behalf.

I'd love to know what you guys think about all this, and I've linked the full press conference below for your own reference.

[full press conference] - audio only

[yarameijer]

Plss this is just stuck in my head and refuses to leave

Hii, I know I've asked this before but really consider an actor au for Raimon, be it accidental reverse or the original series. Because like imagine the shock of the others when one of them takes off their brightly colored wig and suddenly they look like an entirely different person and the others are just like- wtfwtf who are you, why the hell do you look like that?? But another thing to consider: the relationships. Which siblings would be real off set too and what friendships and duos/trios would still be real outside of filming.

Just-

Actor au to get rid of life's problems.

Heyhey!

Okay so I’ll be honest, I saw your ask before but I had a really hard time answering because I don’t really know anything about actor AUs. But I gave it my best shot, so I hope this is sort of what you had in mind? I kept it mostly to the main GO cast.

As for appearances, here's a few I could see happening:

Kirino wears hair extensions. His hair color is already pretty extreme, so I think he’d keep it shorter in reality, and the pigtails are just part of his outfit.

Hamano normally has his hair combed down around his face instead of standing up, and in exchange for his goggles he’s got a red and white bandana.

Shinsuke doesn’t wear his headband outside of filming. It’s part of his outfit because of his supposed resemblance to Endou’s character.

Shindou actually has glasses, although he also wears lenses. Kind of depends on his mood. I think it suits him!

Saru is just Tenma in a wig

As for relationships, whoa this is gonna be a wild ride. I had fun with it. So, brace yourselves!

The easiest: Haruna and Kidou aren’t siblings. They don't really look alike. Gouenji and Yuuka probably are siblings though, their eyes are quite similar.

Not so bad, hm? Well, here's where it gets weird.

One thing that comes to mind is, before I watched GO, I saw some clips on YouTube, and there was the moment where Tenma miximaxed with Shuu. Afterwards, Shuu’s kneeling on the ground and Aoi helps him up:

I remember thinking Aoi and Shuu look a little bit similar? That interaction made me wonder for a second if they were siblings (sue me, I didn't know anything about IEGO at the time). They look just similar enough that it works, same eye shape, blueish hair… it’s a bit far-fetched, but I think it’s funny. So, they’d be siblings!

Tachimukai and Kinako would be related - they’ve got similar bangs! Similar hair! Similar eyes! Obviously Tachimukai in GO would be ten years older, so maybe Kinako’s his niece or something.

I mean, it works.

Okay, and now my personal favorite. Taiyou wears a wig and is related to the Tsurugi brothers.

…yeah it sounds weird I know, BUT! He’s got literally the same eyes as Yuuichi, just a different color, and he’s super pale too, just like Yuuichi and Kyousuke.

I mean, c’mon. Tell me you don’t see it, I dare you. Give Taiyou spiky navy hair, and they’d totally be related.

Not convinced?

I mean, come on. I’d even say that in facial features, Taiyou looks more like Yuuichi than Kyousuke does.

And besides, in case people really, really dislike blue-haired Taiyou, there's always this option:

:D

[kirimoochi]

Hi Kiri! I hope you've been well these days, and also I love all of your masterpieces! Can I send a request where reader were getting jumpscare while watching horror movie together with Kazuha? Thank you and feel free to ignore if you don't like this request 🙏

₊˚ ᗢ kazuha x gn! reader, modern au.

⤷ what is he like, when watching horror movies?

When it comes to watching movies, the last thing you could expect is Kazuha at the front of your door. He smiled at you as he lifted a few copies of popular horror movies, with the other hand carrying a bag of take-out food. Your favorite take-out food. The one that you and he always get after classes. Or the one you always talk about going to whenever you’re hungry. Whatever it is, he has it. And it’s also been on his mind to watch a few movies with you. 

He’s always been a sucker for adventure movies. The kinds with the cheesy plot twists but amazing fight scenes. Maybe that’s why he’s so adamant about having you watch all the Dwayne the Rock Johnson movies with him last summer. Tomo dropped out after watching his third Fast n Furious movie, Heizou couldn’t stomach the cheesiness that came from a few of his older films (however he had to applaud his role in Central Intelligence), and Scaramouche gave up after watching Toothfairy (Kazuha called him a wimp under his breath). 

He’s not one for slashers because he thinks the art of gore has been pushed too far to enjoy. Watching Terrifier 1 and 2 left him with a bad taste in his mouth. How could you stomach all of that excessive violence? It takes someone with an iron gut just to sit through the first 10 minutes of the movie. It’s not to say he doesn’t like horror. The only slasher he liked was the Fear Street trilogy, and he can appreciate the classics like The Conjuring.

One thing is consistent though: Kazuha chooses the weirdest films. Not entirely weird, per se, but he has some questionable choices. He always finds good movies. He also finds the worst ones. He has with him Ethan Hawke’s Black Phone, The Taking of Deborah Logan, and Winnie the Pooh's Blood and Honey. Why does he even have the last one? He shrugged and placed the take-out food on your coffee table, saying it sounded funny. 

He doesn’t get scared when he watches these films. Mostly because you know in his head, he’s most likely thinking about what goes on behind the scenes. How did they shoot this shot? How many hours did the actors spend on makeup? Why is Winnie the Pooh such a god-awful movie? Who approved of this? 

You try not to giggle when you see him intensely staring at certain scenes, his hand covering the lower half of his face as he squints his eyes. He’s focused on analyzing every part of this movie. It’s a cute habit. He loves to rave about his favorite movies (even to the point of calling you after leaving the theater to give you his review). 

When you get to parts where the scenes grow dark, and there's that unsteady playing of the violin, he wraps his arm around your waist, pulling you to his side. He nibbles on the tip of his thumb, his fingers padding against you as he holds back a small gasp. He’s not a screamer but he’s certainly the kind that flinches at jumpscares. He’s also a lot more touchy when you watch horror movies. Whether or not it’s because he’s scared or just looking for an excuse to hang onto you is up for debate. 

If you are scared by the movie, he would tighten his hold around you, peering down at you with a cheeky smile. He would tease you for a little bit before resting his head against yours, pressing a short kiss on your crown. He’ll put both arms around you this time, holding you tight as the movie continues. When things get a little too intense, or too gory, he will place his hand over your eyes, whispering a few of his poetry to distract you from the sound of a chainsaw. 

“Why is Winnie the Pooh covered in honey, but at the same time, is starving?” He mumbles, narrowing his eyes at the screen. “What is going on in this movie? Do you like this?” “You’re the one who chose the movie…” 

[ellsieee]

I'm really going to miss SWM despite the sad ending. The actors really did a great job with what they had and could do. I knew the accident was going to hurt me, and that it would be a OE, but I did not expect it to be more like a BE. More about that later. At least we got a whole episode of happy boys before all the shit hit the fan.

This scene really touched me. Su Yu pushes Wu Bi to achieve his dreams and is there to support him all the way. We also get another hint of what Wu Bi's time capsule wish is. My guess is that he wished for he, Su Yu and Doudou to always be together. Normally it's Wu Bi who is always saying he doesn't want to be separated from Su Yu, but this time, it's Su Yu telling Wu Bi not to leave him, pulling on Wu Bi's heartstrings. 🥹

Why does Wu Bi have a picture of his and Su Yu's epic bike ride framed? Did his mother draw that? Did he get the idea from her? Wu Bi, I have so many questions...

Su Yu wrote a wish card for Wu Bi too. 🥹 I am not ok. 😭

One last shout out to the shipper girl. She knows. 🤭 I'm glad they didn't write her as a crazy person, inserting herself into Wu Bi and Su Yu's relationship and doing a bunch of weird stuff to get them together.

Arghhhh the foreshadowing! When Su Yu said that, my heart filled with dread even though I already knew what was coming. No. They're going to ride their bike together forever ok. 😭

Wu Bi is so completely smitten with Su Yu. It's all heart eyes, all the time. They are so cute. Was this the reward Su Yu was talking about? I thought it would be something 🔞, but taking Wu Bi on a date might motivate him even more. I mean what kind of equestrian center has prince charming equestrian outfits? 🤭 I think they look great, but this totally looks like a date (Doudou is just there to make it look less gay).

Wait a minute... that's not what the director demonstrated! I wanted to see that peck on the lips! Please tell me they shot two versions and we'll see the uncut version later. 🙏

Psycho alert! 🚨 Mo Yi was hella creepy here. I was a bit scared he would actually hurt Su Yu. You can feel all the resentment he has for Su Yu. First his ex-gf wanted to be with Su Yu rather than him. Second, Wu Bi has chosen Su Yu over him and is acting like a little bitch towards him. Not defending him, but I honestly don't think Mo Yi would have felt such hatred and resentment if Wu Bi hadn't started being really rude and bratty towards him after falling in love with Su Yu.

The ultimate sacrifice. 😭 Wu Bi knew there was no way to stop the car safely so he chose to protect Su Yu by crashing the car on the driver's side. Even though I knew the accident was going to happen, it still hurt so much. Wu Bi will always protect Su Yu no matter what. I read some comments scolding Su Yu for sleeping even though he knew something was wrong with the car. My interpretation is that Su Yu wasn't sleeping, he was worried too, but he trusted Wu Bi completely, and Wu Bi told him to rest because he can handle it, so he did. The level of trust and confidence you need to have in your partner for that is just...

I didn't notice this the first time watching because I was too busy wailing, but Wu Bi hugged Su Yu to protect him. FUCK. 😭😭😭😭 For all the unreasonable jealousy and temper tantrums, Wu Bi really is the best boy.

This is so painful, I can't screencap bloody Wu Bi anymore. It killed me that Wu Bi woke up for a second to stare into Su Yu's eyes when Doudou called to complete their OT3, only to fall into a comma again.

Argh this ending! Is Wu Bi alive or dead? I didn't notice that the doctor nods a little when speaking to Su Yu the first time around. Doctors usually only nod when the operation was successful, so I guess Wu Bi is alive but what about the empty house? Only Wu Bi's stuff is still there, meaning that everyone left him? How is this not a BE? 😭

Of course this makes sense as a set up for a season 2 but I feel like they still could have given us a conclusion. Something like Wu Bi lives, but Su Yu left because he knew Mo Yi was crazy and he wanted to protect Wu Bi. Then the new season would be about how the boys find their way back to each other. It wasn't necessary to leave viewers hanging and heartbroken. 😢 And with 24 episodes of 30+ minutes runtime, I felt the team had enough time to tell a complete story. It shouldn't matter that book 1 of the novel ended like the series because the drama should stand on its own outside of the novel. Besides, wouldn't it have been safer just to film the whole thing at once to avoid the risk of not being allowed to film part 2?

There's a lot of doubt that S2 will actually happen, but someone asked Mo Yi's actor if there will be a 2nd season and he said that there should be. I'm not going to get my hopes up too much before there is official news that everyone is shooting again to spare myself any disappointment, but of course I am hoping for a second season. In the meantime, I hope cjd will release the uncut version of the series that she teased about before. I really do love this series so much even though I was disappointed with the ending. I'll have to treat SWM like MODC and skip the end. SWM only has 22 episodes. Yup. 🤡

[unhappy-day-in-hell]

The Dissection of Hazbin Hotel, Episode One: part 4

Onto the end part, Charlie meeting with the angels and... Vaggie's advertisement.

Let's finish this!

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

Part 4: //

--Uh. The fuck is this building and why is it in Hell? Are we not going to explain? (Trick question, there’s already so much exposition that it wraps right back around to leaving us in the dark!!)

--Ohhh. That's Adam’s voice? Someone as important as him does not sound like that.

...Stupid thought I just had: Adam has the first Adam's Apple in all of history too... because it's that little saying, that Adam got a piece of the forbidden fruit stuck in his throat to remind him of eating it. So Adam, really, should either sound like he's constantly choking on something/has a stuffed up scratchy throat, or he should have a super deep voice to indicate his adam's apple.

--Heck is wrong with your mouth girl?

--B Plot is them filming an advertisement. I know I tried to re-write this in the review earlier (and will offer an alternative near the end of the review), but this is the kind of smaller-time plot we need to do in these early episodes BEFORE we get to Charlie's stuff. It's not very good tonal whiplash to pair these two plots up.

Also Vaggie’s doing this on Charlie’s behalf. This is, once again, something Charlie should be doing.

--Why doesn’t Charlie know the leader of the Exterminators is Adam? Does that mean she doesn’t know anything important about her world in general? Or is Adam’s presence a secret to the world? Does Lucifer know Adam is here?

--Good god, Adam really IS just Mammon. He's even a performer who is like a rockstar. Viv has zero new ideas.

--We're cutting between Charlie’s "important" meeting with Adam and the filming for the advertisement. We really are. I guess this episode and Western Energy spring from the same source.

--“How were you this weekend” is at least a little amusing. If Adam was more airheaded like that and not *gestures* all this, I’d probably hate his presence less.

--There it is. The Vagina joke for Vaggie’s name. They… they really did that. They just couldn’t help themselves. Viv just can’t help herself.

Because really, what are you supposed to do with this name? People having to say “Vaggie” out loud or print it on merch is embarrassing. They could have called her anything. Maggie. Aggie. Naggie. Saggy. Haggy.

--Vaggie: We’ll fix it in post. Angel: Do you even know what that means?

Well you see Angel! Vaggie’s origin can be split!

For a long time, Vaggie was thought to be a sinner who died very recently, so of course she’d know about editing, because she had grown up in the era of that kind of tech.

Except now she’s been changed to be a fallen exterminator! This means there are a lot of implications. Are we going to use this moment to hint how ANCIENT Vaggie is as a former angel, by showing her as not knowing how to work technology? No, no of course not -- Vaggie seems competent with the camera, it’s just that her actors are dumb fucks.

This criticism spreads over to Adam, who talks just like a “normal guy” and he’s a modern rocker and all that shit. Adam, the first human, who is incomprehensibly ancient… doesn’t show any signs of being as ancient as he is. They couldn't even write him using outdated slang? Make him a disco lover or something and have him say "Groovy?" No? (He IS a thing made of light, he could shine like a disco ball!)

--Vaggie: I’LL FIGURE IT OUT.

Godddd Vaggie can’t have one single line with any life in it. How does she scream in anger with no anger.

--Hi Al. This shot reminds me of why I used to like you, because I DID like your design and your mannerisms once upon a time. I still feel an echo of the enjoyment I used to get from you, and it makes me sad how far you’ve fallen, to being Rosie’s lapdog. You do look good with this muted blue tinting your color scheme. I wish Hell was more of this color, it’s much softer on the eyes.

(Even when I was still a fan, I hated how overused red was. It was one of the first complaints I had. Then the show doubled down and removed even more of the colors from the color pallet to make it even redder.)

--Vaggie to Alastor: Why are you even here? Alastor: For the entertainment!

Actually you’re here because LilithRosie asked you to. She filed down your fangs. You are a toothless character.

--Alastor: I came here because I love seeing wasteful souls struggle to accomplish something meaningful and fail spectacularly!

This is almost exactly a line from the Pilot where Alastor said “I want to watch the scum of the world struggle to climb up the hill of betterment! Only to repeatedly trip, and tumble down to the fiery pit of failure." Except it just. Lacks. Any of the danger. Or the manic insanity boiling just under Alastor’s surface. The delivery is so deflated.

The words are stilted, like they were with Vaggie a while back.

--Much better qualified people than I have spoken about the use of vodou symbols around Alastor. All I can say is this: Practitioners of vodou have spoken about how harmful it is, and therefore, the symbols should not be in the show. It's that simple. It would have cost the team literally nothing to refrain from using them. In fact, we’re in Hell, and we’ve already used the Ars Goetia in Helluva Boss; why don’t they use the symbols of the Ars Goetia? Or other demonic Christian symbols? Or Lovecraftian symbols from the fictional Lovecraft universe? Or make up their own??? There were a million other options besides digging in your heels. It shows the crew and Viv’s inability to just learn or just be nice.

“This face was made for radio!” that shot, bleck, they made a discount of that scary shot from the pilot. Why is every line they reuse for Alastor worse than it was in the pilot? The pilot where Alastor said “I would have done so already” let Alastor be a little aggressive and threatening, but here, it's just him equating it to “this face can’t be captured on video” instead of him being allowed to flex his power and scare Vaggie and Charlie a little bit….

It makes me sad.

--AND AGAIN, THIS IS VAGGIE HAVING THIS IMPORTANT CONVERSATION WITH ALASTOR. Why is it Vaggie who is getting Alastor’s motivation speech and seeing his Scary Face and not CHARLIE!? The Hotel is CHARLIE’S! Charlie is the main character, she’s the one who has to face these moral battles! Alastor’s motivation and his scorn for her Hotel are CHARLIE’S obstacles to deal with; she has to be the one to face them, consider them, debate them, and find a way to overcome them. But Vaggie is the one here, again, in Charlie’s place. (And Vaggie doesn’t even seem to have any enjoyment or passion for the Hotel either, so SHE doesn’t offer anything in return when she’s facing these opposing ideas.)

--So Alastor is going to make a good advertisement for the Hazbin Hotel, in exchange for never having to work with television ever again.

God, it’s so… WHINY. This isn’t a powerful Overlord of Hell, who is able to manipulate the Hotel behind the scenes and everyone has to watch out for his power because they both need his power but also fear it. This is a dude bargaining over what chores he has to do. It’s depressing.

--And it ends with Alastor giving everyone new outfits. Like the pilot. Because of course. Viv has no new ideas in her head at all. Also Charlie's not here.

--I feel like this scene COULD have been a standout moment in another universe, where someone else wrote this story. The colors are very nice, and Alastor is genuinely one of the only sources of ANYTHING you might consider fun in this episode, even if he’s a pale shadow of what he used to be.

Imagine this as a rewrite for this Episode, and how it could have ended:

At the beginning of the episode, the Hotel staff is still figuring things out. They have a meeting and decide they want to make an advertisement to get people to come to the Hotel, but Al refused to take part, because he hates TV. Charlie then tries to film her own advertisement with Vaggie’s help, but fails to make anything good.

As she starts feeling discouraged in the blue room while cutting up tapes, Alastor walks in to taunt her for a little while. After a back and forth where Charlie asks what he even wants here, he gives his motivation speech, so Charlie can have her goal challenged. But eventually, Charlie asks him to use his power to help her with this, by getting the word out to the people of Hell; and Al agrees, because an empty Hotel is no fun… in exchange for something Al wants: he’ll be allowed to observe any part of the Hotel and give commentary over it whenever he feels like it, and he’s allowed to say anything he wants, positive or negative. Charlie reluctantly agrees to these terms.

Then Alastor uses his power and creates a huge radio tower out of the back of the Hotel. The rest of the Crew feel the Hotel shaking and run outside, and watch in confusion as the tower reaches up into the sky. Al then floats up to the top room, where an old radio station is set up inside. Taking his seat in the booth, Alastor uses his power to broadcasts a spectacular old-timey radio show all across the radio waves of Hell, which are impossible for people to turn off, so it reaches millions of them.

(This also marks his grand return to Hell after his time away…… I guess. Since they're going with that.)

Boom, now Alastor has a radio tower that he hangs out in for the rest of the series, and he’s often giving SCATHING commentary about what goes on inside the Hotel in its quest for redemption. It’s usually making fun of everyone, or damning criticism -- but every so often he compliments something or someone, or gives a bravo for a job well done if a character does manage to accomplish something (but it's always with this HINT that he doesn’t expect their victory to last.)

There.

I provided a better hook for Episode One to end on, something fun to look at -- AND it has Alastor being in total control, while still helping the Hotel, but clearly primed to fuck with it. It also gives the show its first stakes -- small ones, but a status quo is established and we know Charlie will be butting heads with Alastor for the foreseeable future.

--Back with Adam and Charlie, it has become an argument that sinners have earned eternal damnation by making mistakes, and angels and the souls in heaven are not the same; and that angels have never made mistakes. Adam even says he’s never made a mistake.

Why doesn’t Charlie bring up the fact that Adam ate the fruit of knowledge that damned humanity, literally the first sin ever committed alongside Eve? Would that require too much thought, because Adam could just say “hey Eve was the one who did that, then she forced me!” and Charlie would have no rebuttal, because this show doesn’t seem to care about logical or moral battles. (Honestly, I can bet Viv would genuinely believe that for Adam.)

Why don’t they also bring up the fact that all human souls are descended from Adam too? It would force Adam to say: “yeah I don’t care, they may be my grandkids but they made their choice and as the original father it’s my job to whoop their asses when they get out of line,” which would show off how horrible he is. (Or, just not have Adam act this way. The next point elaborates on that:)

--I keep asking myself WHY Heaven and the angels have to be depicted this way. Not "why they’re corrupt" -- but why they’re *gestures vaguely* like this, and so cartoonishly.

Some shows take themselves too seriously and need to lighten up, but a show like Hazbin Hotel has the opposite problem, where it won’t be serious when it needs to be serious.

Adam acts exactly like a demon. There is no distinction between demons and angels. They’re as foul-mouthed, raunchy, and gross. Why?

Is it supposed to be “commentary” or “satire” about real world issues, where authority/radical Christians think they’re better than everyone else just by virtue of being Christian? That’s my first guess.

But just like with Helluva Boss’s commentary on cartoonishly evil abusers: it’s not saying anything we don’t already know, and it hits you with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer to the face.

When Hazbin uses Adam to say “See? Heaven is hypocritical! It does the exact same bad shit as Hell, but gives ITSELF a pass!” it makes Hazbin Hotel worse for it, because of how one-note it makes literally everything in the universe, and how it sacrifices any actual clever worldbuilding, storycrafting, or realism for the sake of shock value. 

Hazbin Hotel is supposed to have a serious storyline meant for adults. It was meant to explore a serious moral question, and the angels are supposed to be one of the serious threats that Charlie has to change the mind of. You want us to take your show SERIOUSLY? Then you need to make villains we can TAKE seriously.

Think of it like this. If Heaven was allowed to have a different personality from Hell (if angels were allowed to act differently than demons), you’d be so much better for it.

First of all, it would give the show variety. Hell already has all the sex jokes, curses, and gore you could ever ask for – that’s Hell’s atmosphere. So let Heaven have a different atmosphere -- let its people has "serious" personality traits. Let them take themselves TOO seriously. That way, there’s some variety when characters go from one place to the next.

Second of all, it would give you way more personality types to play around with! (How boring must it get, writing the same screaming, cursing, sex-spewing archetypes over and over?) AND it would let different temperaments clash! Imagine Angel Dust meeting an Exterminator; Angel Dust makes everything a joke, and the Exterminator takes everything way too seriously, aaaaaand their personalities slam into each other. Imagine the possibilities.

But we can’t have that.

We can’t have anything because Viv can’t let herself be sincere or think this far ahead.

Instead we’re just stuck with Adam, who is Mammon.

--Lute says Charlie was “pardoned by daddy”? Who?? Lucifer? If Lucifer has the ability to blacklist souls from being killed, why can’t he just tell the exterminators to fuck off? Or are they referring to “God” as daddy, for which, I thought they weren’t going to touch God in this show?

The dialogue for this show is confusing. There was clearly no editing or rewriting to make anything make sense.

In the old pilot continuity, only an angel of higher rank had the ability to kill Lucifer, which means the exterminators were unable to kill him. Charlie, as his daughter, was directly below him in power, meaning Charlie would also be immune to them because she's stronger than them. But here apparently she's weak enough that the exterminators not only COULD kill her if given the chance, they WANT to kill her but have to hold back by some... law.

--Another song. Okay.

My opinion is that Brightman is a good singer, and this song definitely has more going on than the first one did. So… not terrible… but there’s also something missing in these lyrics. The way the music flows isn’t interesting and it goes by so fast. And Adam’s voice isn’t grating or terrible to listen to, but his dumb rockstar voice just kind of clashes into Brightman’s singing voice every so often, and makes it sound weird to me.

I could do without.

--OOH LAWD SHE ABOUT TO GO OFF. (That meme will never stop being funny. The shot is so tame. She doesn't even get to do any flexing or anything?)

--They’ll be back in six months?? Oh right, ahem, ahem: We’re putting this into EPISODE ONE? (I’m getting tired of saying that.)

Side note: they better not blame Charlie for this one, or try to make it out like she did something to cause this. Because... She literally didn’t. She didn’t get a word in edge-wise. (If they blame Charlie for making Hell worse, not only is it another Potential Dramatic Plot Moment they waste here, where Charlie would legitimately do a fuckup and have to face the consequences of her actions and it’s Oooh Drama -- it’s also totally unearned here, because Charlie Didn’t Do Anything. Literally if this is supposed to be “Charlie’s Mistake”, she didn’t do anything to MAKE A MISTAKE. )

--Alastor: I pulled a few LIMBS too, Hah hah hah!

Now you sound dead Alastor. I miss your fast-paced deranged laughter.

--To hear Blitzo’s voice coming out of Katie. Not even for a joke. I just. Vomit.

--(Quick question, is it just me or does it feel WEIRD to see Hell freaking out about the exterminations happening sooner, the way it is now? I mean, it’s a bad thing of course – but at the same time, it’s 6 WHOLE months away. That’s still a very long time; it’s not like the angels said they’d be coming in 1 WEEK or anything.

And again, moving the Extermination up to the mid-point of the year COULD have been a good plot punch a few episodes in – if the show had established itself as having a one year time limit before the next extermination, for instance, and for the first season we watch the weeks or months go by. The cast think they’re safe because they always have more time; “the year isn’t even half over yet.” But THEN, Charlie fucks up a few months in, and suddenly the date of the extermination is moved up!! WE ONLY HAVE A MONTH LEFT!! SHOCK AND HORROR. THERE IS MUCH LESS TIME NOW. HOW CAN WE DO THIS IN TIME!? PANIC! STAKES! DRAMA.

Makes my poor writer heart sad.

Imagine if we lingered on the Exterminations for a while before all this, and we learn that every single year, it takes about 3 months worth of planning in order for Sinners to secure hiding spots away from the Angels (a play on the three big holidays, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas). This is CRITICAL for Sinner survival; those who can't or don't are the ones who die, and spots are so competitive that it takes all that time for anyone to secure themselves. So when Charlie fucks up midway through the year and causes the Extermination to be moved up to just 1 month away, NO ONE IS SAFE, and there isn't enough time for three months of prep, which is why everyone flips their ever-loving shit: they know they're going to die and now there's a hysterical scramble all throughout Hell trying to secure safe spots.

--The ending shot shows an exterminator dead, and the angels out for blood about it.

Again, ahem-hem: EPISODE ONE.

And now, the Exterminators don’t even feel threatening -- because we know they can be killed.

What made the angels scary, originally, is that they were virtually untouchable. Demons could not defeat them, and angels could kill any demon they wanted to by default. (Even Alastor seemed to be weaker than the angels.)

The angels should have been a looming, impossible-to-defeat threat (at least for a while). This would have given the story tension, because the audience would know the sinners stood no chance if they ran out of time or failed to convince the Angels – it was a battle of MORALITY. It was a challenge for sinners to prove to Heaven they were redeemable, because Heaven held all the power.

They de-clawed their villains in their introductory episode.

…

Do Adam and the Exterminators even HAVE the authority to enact a full genocide??? Wasn’t there a “council of Angel Elders” mentioned in the beginning? Aren’t the exterminators just assigned to this post, and meant to keep the population low??? Won’t they get in trouble for overstepping their bounds!? ARE WE GOING TO GET ANY EXPLANATION AS TO HOW THE HIERARCHY WORKS OR HOW HEAVEN WORKS FIRST!? BEFORE WE GET INTO THIS!?!?

AAAAAAAAAAAAND ~CURTAINS!~

………………………………………………………………………

And that was the end of Hazbin Hotel Episode One.

…

So! What have we learned here today?

My personal takeaway is that, even though it’s cathartic to see this all start to go down in flames, I still feel disappointed and frustrated because of how much time I invested in it, even defended it to other people for a time. I'm frustrated because none of it had to be this bad. Viv didn't have to be evil. There was promise and potential, once upon a time.

Quite frankly, we were lied to. The premise that everyone fell in love with was dumped in the trash. For over four years, we were told this would be a story about redeeming sinners -- that’s what fans put so much of their time and money into. But that premise was discarded immediately, in favor of a generic War Against Heaven. Viv LIED to us, knowing from the start that the redemption storyline was never going to go anywhere.  

I just wonder how many resources were wasted creating this, how many people Viv hurt, how many opportunities were handed to Viv that could have gone to anyone else more deserving of it.

There wasn’t a single worthwhile thing in this episode. A handful of individual shots here and there were passable, but nothing enough to sit through it. Abysmal animation, pacing, storytelling, dialogue, voices, songs; characters that were flat and unmemorable, or stripped of what made them unique.

Charlie wasn’t the main character in her own show -- Vaggie was the one dealing with the morality of the other characters. (And frankly, Charlie didn’t NEED to meet with Adam. It accomplished nothing. If the angels had already decided to do the extermination in 6 months; they could have just done it, they didn’t necessarily NEED to meet with Charlie to enact it.)

Somehow, Hazbin found a way to do everything wrong!

This show should be taken as a lesson on what not to as an artist. (Any kind of artist, really.) 

In my opinion, the greatest weakness of this show is its inability to write anything sincere.

(And there’s a difference between something having sincere emotion, and melodrama, which Viv dumps in boatloads in her writing.)

I won’t re-write it all, but I basically mean what happened with Adam and the angels, where they aren’t allowed to be any different from the demons. They aren’t allowed to be serious, wise, ancient; because Viv CAN’T write them as sincere. (But this also includes so many other aspects of this show and this world as a whole.)  

(And its genre doesn’t shield it. Hazbin Hotel is trying to tell a STORY, so it doesn’t get to hide behind the genre of being an “episodic adult comedy”. It HAS to follow the rules of storytelling, and when it doesn’t, it is failing.)

And Hazbin Hotel is just one giant failure.

With that, I’ll wrap this up. I think I’ve said all I want to.

I don’t know if I’ll review any other episodes like this (or, if they’ll be this long), because they get worse and worse; and Episode 4 is such a serious, disgusting episode that I don't know if it's even worth it -- but I REALLY wanted to get my thoughts down for this one.

If you read it all, thanks for sticking around! It was fun to rip it apart.

If you have any thoughts you want to add onto this, I’d love to hear!