#you guys just put so much value in stereotypes

[awesomechocolatesauce]

"It's so weird having Astarion flirt with my female Tav!"

Why, exactly? The man is pansexual. If you have high enough approval with him, chances are he's going to flirt with you, no matter what gender identity your Tav is.

Nothing weird about a pansexual/bisexual man flirting with a woman.

[zucchiyeni]

Sorry if I'm bothering you, you don't need to answer this if you don't want to ^^

I'm asking for a friend that doesn't have Tumblr, but they're curious if there is any canon angst for Ink or Blue in the Idol AU? It's been bugging them for a bit and they wanted to know if there was any

Hope you stay safe and take care of yourself

- Random Anon

There is! Lore dump under the cut

About Ink, he's just canon Ink but without the paint vials.

To the audience and even close friends, he always fake his emotion. On the outside he's always that one guy who acts before thinking, reckless and joyful, but he does that bc he wants to be likable. He has a fear of abandonment (idk the phobias) so he turned himself into the stereotypical guy that everyone loves.

Every Night at his bed alone, his eyes turn blank as he questions himself ab his value in life. But his goldfish brain, the next morning he'll be like nothing ever happened.

........

And Blue, he's unfortunately got alot of hate bc of his well-mannered and cheerful personality, ppl thought he was trying to outshine himself from the other members and being "overly confident".

Blue is a strong guy so he didnt care ab it as much, but with him having rumors about him trying to put his friends down hurts him alot. Blue genuinely cares about his friends and empathize with the fans, even the haters!

He wants to be someone who always have a shoulder for somebody to lean on, so he surpressed his feelings alot, he moment he got an emotional outburst he'll get really sensitive, depressed and distant, but when that happens he'll go somewhere quiet to calm himself down.

...........

Dream knows all about their actions and feelings, he never said it out loud bc he knows they definitely dont want him or anyone to know ab it. Bc of that he tries his best to comfort them, hangout alot, sleepover, brainstorm music ideas to try to distract them from their negativity.

And at the down times, he'll have deep talks with them. Dream is really the big brother figure for them

[rileyslibrary]

Hi, this might be a strange request, but could you please do some sort of character analysis, or maybe tell some of your headcanons for the 141 characters??

I’ve been trying to find some, but everything I find is either weirdly out of character or just some sort of weird projection onto the characters 😭

Not strange at all, anon! It just occurred to me that, for a blog dedicated to Ghost, I’ve never done something like this. Also, I understand what you mean, but it’s also important to remember that headcanons are extremely subjective. Maybe the same applies to my case, and someone also finds my headcanons out of character; who knows?

Please note that I can’t say much about the other boys since I’ve only focused on Ghost, so here are some of my headcanons (i.e. that’s how I personally imagine Ghost):

He’s your average, ordinary guy on the outside. Sure, he is stereotypically attractive (tall, beefy, with a deep voice), but so are a billion other people in this world. There’s nothing extraordinary about him, which is precisely what makes him so intriguing.

I like to imagine his personality similarly to how he wears his uniform—layer, under layer, under layer. You want to peel him like an onion; uncover what lies beneath the surface.

He’s extremely pragmatic and values function over form. It doesn’t matter if something looks bad/ugly/weird as long as it gets the job done. If it works, it works.

Moderation gives him a sense of discipline. He wants to control everything that’s within his ability to do so—managing what food he puts in his body, regulating his alcohol intake, handling finances, and even carefully choosing his words. It helps him maintain his sanity, knowing he has control over his life, especially considering what he went through.

He’s also incredibly efficient. He doesn’t waste time on things that aren’t important or beyond his control.

He’s not a gym rat (he doesn’t regard it as a second home), but he’s definitely a regular. The gym owners are familiar with him, though their interactions are brief—maybe they exchanged a few words to renew his membership in the past, but that’s about it.

He tends to stick to the free-weight section at the gym. If it’s crowded, he’ll put on his headphones to tune everything out, but if it’s quiet, he doesn’t bother. While he doesn’t use the machines often, he’ll turn to them occasionally, particularly when he needs more controlled movement.

Warming up before exercising is particularly important to him, and he takes his time to stretch afterwards, usually in an isolated corner of the gym. He never skips leg day.

He is not a flirt. Usually, it’s others who pursue him rather than the other way around. It’s almost like he has it too easy in that department. He doesn’t have to make much effort—he simply goes about his business (occasionally checking his surroundings for potential dangers,) and suddenly, people gravitate towards him. He’s not a fan of this attention but keeps it to himself.

He engages in a flirtatious exchange almost every day with the elderly lady who manages the convenience store in his neighbourhood, though. He often compliments her on her hair and how young she looks and sometimes jokes that if her late husband were still around, he’d have some competition. She, in return, offers him freebies, which he politely declines. However, he sometimes accepts these gestures in exchange for lending a hand with tasks around the store.

His apartment is modest since he travels a lot, yet he considers it his personal haven when he returns to it. He deliberately keeps it free of any traces of his alternate identity. There’s a family photo framed somewhere. Even his dad included. Maybe he considered cutting him out of the picture but decided against it. He wants to be reminded of both the positive and negative experiences that influence his decisions and actions.

He likes to make his own jokes. They mostly come to him when he does something mundane, like cooking, showering, or watching TV. He doesn’t take offence if others don’t laugh at his jokes, though. He simply views them as idiots or lacking a sense of humour.

He opts for public transport only when needed, like during heavy traffic, but that doesn’t mean he likes it. He keeps his back against the wall and doesn’t wear headphones since he wants to be aware of his surroundings.

He breaks fights if he stumbles upon them late at night and calls the police. When the officers arrive, he is the first to talk to them and usually scolds them for not getting there faster.

I don’t think he wears his mask when he’s out and about. In my mind, Simon Riley is different from Ghost. If someone manages to connect the dots, he’ll make sure it’s the last time they do so. For him, good people don’t know who Ghost is. Only bad people do.

He wants to extend his sleeve tattoo further up his arm but struggles to find the time to schedule an appointment with his tattoo artist. Yes, he has a trusted tattoo artist.

[nesquiiksstuff]

✎ ❝general relationship headcanons!❞

syzoth (feat. ashrah), baraka, raiden

love languages

fluff

thouple (syzoth + ashrah + reader)

thank you guys for so much support! im just going this hc thingy while I think up this for the raiden story (which hopefully won’t take too long). please enjoy!! ᰔ

ᰔ syzoth :: quality time and gift giving

he is not uncomfortable to talk about his passed family, honestly syzoth would enjoy if his partner was interested in that part of his life. whether it’s recommending visiting their grave site, or sharing his grief—is something that he greatly appreciates.

the reason ashrah and syzoth work so well is because they’re both trying to right their sins, having you be there and being supportive means the absolute world. he shows you that through small thoughtful gifts (mostly trinkets that he finds at markets or on his walks).

idk if anyone is actually interested in a thouple with them…but hear me out 🤲. I genuinely think ashrah and syzoth would be so well rounded and loving. date nights either in Shaolin’s gardens or mileena’s palace (probably in the library), always romantic with stereotypical candle light and a nice dinner. syzoth thinks it’s important to make it special as possible since there’s only a few times when you’re all together.

. . .

ᰔ baraka: acts of service, words of affirmation, physical touch

what baraka truly needs is another leader. there is so much responsibility placed on his shoulders with the colony—but of course he would never truly ask you to help, he’s stubborn and well…has a guilty conscience. you would need to insert yourself without needing to be prompted. assertiveness and responsibility is something he finds extremely attractive, as well as being compassionate, gods knows that it’s also something he needs.

physical contact is foreign to him, after years of being alone once his family passed and being ill. he adores it when you bring some type of normalcy to touching him, though he’s the first to pull away. baraka knows the risk he puts you in everyday, if he can limit the chances of tarkat spreading to you��while still indulging this relationship, he will.

like asking for extra leadership—he wouldn’t pursue you. baraka wouldn’t ever expect another chance of love, in all honesty he would think that his pining is one sided. Though once you’ve established a relationship with him, he’s open with you. private moments with you are filled with him thanking you for the work you put in the colony, and how you treat not only him but others. even though he’s no poet, he makes sure you know he cherishes you.

. . .

ᰔ raiden: words of affirmation and quality time

usually he pursues people that he highly respects. you don’t have to do something exceptional, but having passion for your own beliefs is what he values in a person and especially in a partner. also it would be admirable if you were interested in his own goals and aspirations, after all raiden’s prospective has changed much once the events in outworld has passed.

raiden is humble…but he likes showing off to you—not exactly out of place of smugness but he enjoys when you are impressed at his talents. he smiles so brightly whenever you compliment him on his achievements or on his hard work in general. it’s probably one of his top motivation besides him genuinely enjoy what he’s doing.

if you two ever got the chance to go back to fengjian his first goal would to introduce you to his family, he has to be a mama’s boy. he cares deeply for his family and he wants you to feel included in that circle. besides visiting them, he’s taking you to see the sites and old hang out spots. leading you along by holding your hand keeping you close (I love him he’s so sweet ugh). it means everything that you’re willing to listen to his childhood stories and just with him in general to visit his hometown.

sadly i’m trying to keep his to minimum since my own little headcanons for him should show up in the story i’m writing for him :]

thank you for reading!

[doubleca5t]

Bored tumblr radfem here to take the bait- What kind of gender feelings were you having? Magical ineffable girly feelings about wanting to wear spinny dresses and play with dolls? You know what gender feelings I was having as a young woman- Feeling afraid of the men sexually assaulting me. Wanting to be seen as a whole human being with interests and ambitions. Alienation as a gnc lesbian which made me want to chop my tits off. Those are the gender feelings I had. Very curious to hear about yours

Ok to answer your question, the gender feelings I was getting from since I was a little kid were along the lines of:

"I wish I could have been born a girl, I don't really like being a boy that much"

"women's clothes are so much better than than men's clothes, I wish I was a girl so I could wear them"

"My female friends kind of act like I'm 'one of the girls' but my male friends never treat me like I'm 'one of the guys'. I like this arrangement. I don't want to fit in with the boys."

"I wish my face was more androgynous and I wasn't as tall, that way I could dress up as a girl and everyone would be totally convinced"

"I can't stand romance stories. Unless it's a romance between two girls. Those rule. Really wish there were more of them 😔"

"I love women but I don't really relate to how cishet men talk about women. For some reason I *really* relate to how lesbians and bisexual women talk about women though."

I think you get the idea.

With that out of the way, there's kind of a second question underlying your initial question which is "what the fuck do you think is so fun about being a woman? being a woman is fucking terrible." And I think that question is worth answering as well since it's probably something a lot of people are legitimately curious about.

The short answer is that, in my experience, "womanhood" as a concept is broad and varried enough that different people are going to get different things out of it, and while all women are oppressed and traumatized by patriarchy, the way they process that trauma is VERY far from uniform.

I know lots of cis women who've been through similar things to what this anon has described, but they haven't come out of it with nearly the same perspective. They recognize that just because *they* can never be comfortable with the role that society prescribed to them, that doesn't mean that no one else can or should be comfortable with that role. They recognize that you can take joy in the aesthetics and performance of a lot of things that are stereotypically feminine while still asserting your value as a person and refusing to put up with patriarchal bullshit. And perhaps most importantly, they recognize that the notion that someone can choose their gender is not contradictory to the idea that people should not be forced into a rigidly defined gender role. There are a lot of trans men who want to look like femboys or dress like flamboyant glam-rockers. There are a lot of trans women who don't give a shit about fashion or makeup and just want to be comfortable, or aspire to look like a capital d Dyke.

And like.... Idk isn't there something freeing about that? The idea that you can be whatever gender you want in whatever way you want, patriarchy be damned. That seems like the kind of world I want to live in.

So yeah anon, I understand why you view womanhood the way you do. For someone with your experiences, it makes a lot of sense. But I don't think your perspective has to be mutually exclusive to mine. I want to live in a world where women aren't forced to present a certain way from birth, don't live in constant fear of abuse and assault by men, and aren't belittled and marginalized at every turn. I just happen to also think that the idea of biologically determined gender is just as much bullshit as the idea of systemically enforced gender roles.

[lionheartedmusings]

i saw a post earlier that q!tubbo is the only "moral" character even after purgatory and it's kinda kept me awake, not because i don't agree with the sentiment (i do) but because the idea of morality as intrinsically important in fandom / character analysis is fascinating to me, *especially* when we're talking about the morality of someone who's basically just spent two weeks in some eye guy's budget hunger games.

first off, while i fully agree that by the end of this q!tubbo *is* a character that tried at every turn to be kind and generous even to his own detriment, how does that make him more or less "moral" than q!phil or q!fit? he still killed, the same as them. he still strategized to beat his friends, has blood on his hands — why is he marked above x, y, or z in the moral scale?

well, one could argue that he did what he did for his team, for the eggs, and because he was forced to when he was put in the game in the first place, yeah? it's not his fault he's in this position, and he's doing his best to survive it. i personally think that's totally valid and justifiable, but it leaves a huge elephant in the room.

what about everyone else?

i'm going to use q!bad as an example because he's my main pov, and before i go into this analysis i want it known i'm very much playing the devil's advocate and illustrating a point — i am not saying his actions are "good". good? good.

okay. so, q!bad. here we have a non-human father who was told by his missing child to win regardless of the cost, or whomever he had to run over. he had to win. is it immoral then for him to take that to heart and play the game the way it was presented? is it immoral for him to kill for his child, or to be determined to win even in detriment of others? to want to use the same strategies in the battlefield that everyone else would, even if they're not kind or polite?

i don't fucking know, because morality isn't linear — this situation *isn't* linear bc if people will go on the record saying they would kill for their child and are praised for it, what makes q!bad's actions in the universe he's existing in any different?

you can even say that by some perspectives, q!tubbo extending so much kindness to his competitors over and over again was at times (or could've been) detrimental to his team ergo their childrens' lives and yet he still did it. is it more moral to save children or be nice to someone else?

my point being, i feel that the morality argument while very very interesting is kind of irrelevant bc when push comes to shove, characters aren't compelling bc they have more or less morals — i genuinely think a lot of media / character consumption has *actively* been harmed by everyone's need to have the thing they enjoy be "good" or "moral" or "right" bc if it isn't, what does that say about us?

the answer to that one is: absolutely nothing, but man do i think sometimes people in fandom feel guilty if they like or prefer an immoral or grey character vs a "stereotypical" moral one.

anyway, all this to say that i think by the end of purgatory, q!tubbo is the character that was most true to himself and his values from start to finish, and it's been a great watch. is he the most morally correct? eh. who the fuck knows.

[eating-plastic]

Do the Killer Frequency Men Respect Women?

I'm a woman and this is from my POV, therefore my words are gospel/j

Forrest Nash: Yeah he does. Not much to say here. Dude doesn't have misogynous bone in his body

Brian Ponty: I mean...if it gets him business then sure, why not. Just keep in mind that his respect's dubious at best

Maurice: On a good day, maybe. Idk he just seems kinda assholey but he's like that to anyone regardless of gender so meh

Murphy: I think he does, yeah. He seems like he wants to raise his son right, and a part of that includes how to respect women

Plunker: Listen, I know frat boys got their stereotypes, the main one being that they're kinda douchy. Luckily he is absolutely NOT that stereotype at all. He gets a certified "respects women"

Eugene: He does, but to a kinda toxic degree. I'm talking neglecting his own self respect and wellbeing and that's not okay. Know your worth Eugene

Roller Ricky: um YES. He 110% respects women. He's like Forrest: not a single misogynous bone in his body. Hell he doesn't have a single drop of misogyny in his blood. He gets ten certified "respects women"s

Chuck: eh could be either or. He's kinda bland. Then again I don't like assuming the worst in people so I'll say he does

Jason: He probably does. Casey seems like a respectable woman who wouldn't put up with a misogynistic asshole. Also he's friends with a woman. Kinda hard to see a misogynist doing that

John: He's an old guy, which means old values. However I don't think he's a misogynist. I just can't see it. I think he was raised knowing how to treat women which he carried through his life. There are still a couple of things he might need to learn tho

Henry Barrow: I can see him respecting women. It would seem weird if Marie didn't teach her son that. I mean yeah she did groom him into becoming a murderer but still. She probably wanted to raise him to be a respectable man like his father was

Teddy Gallows Jr: Haha NO! Are you kidding me? The dude's reeks of misogyny. He'd probably be an Andrew Tate fan shilling hustlers university 😂. That's why I put his bitch ass down here at the bottom where it belongs

In conclusion, with the exception of Teddy Gallows Jr., the Killer Frequency men respect women to at least some degree. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk

[alyjojo]

October 👻 2023 PAC - Who Haunts You & Why?

Welcome to my fun & spooky October PAC, where it may turn out actually spooky 😈 At least, that was the initial intention. Most are likely to get very deep, these are likely difficult subjects and people to “haunt” us in the first place. Some situations will be darker than others, I will lightly touch on what I see and remain empathetic and in the flow without getting too deep or painfully descriptive. We want to heal it, not re-live it. You know you 🙏 The oracles I’m using for this reading are all for descriptive purposes to help shed light on a character profile or situation, not to be taken literally, unless they do for you. I’m also not putting any focus on signs, it can be any sign in this energy. These are meant to be general, for many different people so if it sounds like you, great. Some may have more than one, or not feel pulled to choose any, and that’s fine too.

Hopefully this helps anyone drawn to it! I love everyone on this blog, it’s grown so much in the past two years, thanks to you guys 🥳

———————————————————-

Pile 1 - Crow 🖤

Living or Passed?: Living

Character Oracle: The Founder

Who they are: King of Swords, 5 Swords & 8 Pentacles

Why: 9 Wands & King of Pentacles

Oracles: ENGAGEMENT RING 💍

- Higher Commitment

- Eternity

- Partnership & Union

- Completion

71 - Free Associate

Allow the first thing that comes into your mind without self-censorship to bestow a vision upon you.

70 - Insight

See beyond appearances, masks, cliches, and cultural stereotypes to gain insight.

Several stories are coming through at once with this King of Swords. This feels like an authority figure, and with The Founder, they are the ones that did something ��first”. Or better, in their mind, or yours, and it creates a LOT of pressure on you to meet or exceed the standards of this other person. King of Swords is a very intelligent person, they don’t consider emotions in their decision making, only the logic and facts they have in front of them. They can be very black & white in how they view solutions, there’s a right way and a wrong way, and while they are friendly & focused on fairness, they can also be straight to the point and almost cutting with how they communicate with others. Just the facts, and they use that sword to cut off what doesn’t serve them or isn’t useful or necessary, information included, they can seem quite unemotional, even cold.

With The Founder, this is also someone very responsible and in charge of something. I’m getting a boss at work, a landlord, a parent, possibly a father in-law or someone in your person/spouse’s family, or this can be an ex-spouse/co-parent of yours or your person’s. They’re involved but also removed from your immediate situation or relationship, yet they still hover in your energy as a means of comparison or not living up to some standard set before. You or your person may split child custody with this ex, so their input is always involved, even if/when it’s not wanted.

You see them as 5 Swords, cruel, instigative, always out to prove a point or put someone down, or your methods perhaps. Queen & King of Pentacles are here, for those in relationships or where this is family or an ex, showing this is your person and you match up in energy. But you can’t shake this other person. They could be jealous of your relationship, how you do things, where you live, or they try to one-up you and show you that they can do it better than you can. They could purposely be difficult with custody to inconvenience you or your person where baby-sitting is concerned, they’re someone that tries to sabotage in order to prove a point, and a lot of this could be regarding money or value, comparing yours & mine. It’s all regarding feelings for this Queen of Pentacles, you or your person, whether romantic or family, whoever they are, this King shows their hurt by being an asshole. Is that okay, no, but that’s what I get from them.

For work/home situations, they’re just very difficult to deal with. They may sabotage you in these ways, not putting work into their property (that you live on) so that you’re forced to leave (or want to). Not giving you the right hours or pay, treating you like less deserving of something you’ve worked hard for. They could be condescending about your work, where you/your person works, and what you have or don’t have. Or them just being them brings out these sorts of inadequate feelings in you, and it’s your issue more than theirs. Comparing what kind of worker, lover, parent, or how intelligent you are. No matter who this is, they’re involved in a stable situation you can’t just pick up and leave. It’s possible this is someone that’s forced you out of a job, a home, a relationship even, and you’re on the outside looking in, having to trudge through the mud while this person sits on a throne…in your mind. They feel like they’re right, and this again could be a judge, some level of authority, and you’re left battling their decisions/actions either privately or because you’ve been forced to by their own bs. Or your perception of it, this can be someone that just triggers your own issues too…knowingly, for some, especially if a boss or some kind of father figure.

It could be your person that’s the problem too, if they’re the ones constantly comparing the two of you or bringing them up. “Well Swords did it that way, and Swords thinks xyz, etc.,” which makes it incredibly difficult for you to be your own person with your own methods, we should be discussing what Pentacles thinks and does ok fk Swords 💯 You could wonder if you’re even cut out for this, this person really weighs on your self esteem, they’re the 3rd energy in a situation/relationship for two.

There’s a small story here about a possible financial advisor that’s giving you hell as well. You may not have the money for something and they’re crushing your dreams with matter-of-fact speak regarding credit, savings, purchases, things you’ve found very difficult or are really trying to overcome. You could feel like they rub your face in shame, but I don’t get that they do, or don’t mean to. Or that’s their job? Something about them makes you feel crazy.

Advice to deal with this ghost 👻:

7 Pentacles & Ace of Wands

Bottom of the deck shows to maintain your self control and your anger, give yourself the time and space you need to calm down, because sometimes the reality of the situation may not be how you’re seeing it in the moment. You could jump to conclusions or have a bit of a temper with this person, and I get a lot of it are your own insecurities. Your person needs to be on your side too, if that’s an issue, or at least play mediator, they’re really the one that has to deal with them, not you (for many of you). Let them handle it. I get hopeful energy, sometimes this will really piss you off, and other times it won’t seem so bad, try to assume nothing and allow yourself & this person the space they need to grow and change. Basically, just be respectful, and if they’re not, show them how it’s done ❤️ For many of you this is unavoidable, and it’s also like you’re loosely on the same team, better to cooperate. Some of you just need to save money, apply elsewhere, move possibly, and otherwise give things time to grow before acting on change. For many of you, boundaries could be necessary depending on what this person is doing to sabotage or affect an environment or relationship. They’re allowed to (and do, being Swords), and you’re allowed to as well 💯

Pile 2 - Potions 🧪

Living or Passed?: Both - Two Stories

Character Oracle: The Thief

Who they are: The Sun, 2 Swords rev, Knight of Swords & The World

Why: 9 Pentacles, Ace of Swords & 6 Swords

Oracles: POKER FACE ♦️

- Taking a Chance

- Risks & Options

- Not Showing Hand

- Gambling

33 - Perfectionism

Be content to know perfection as a distant utopian goal to which we journey but never arrive.

22 - Counsel

Seek out the counsel of those whose lives and creative work you most admire.

75 - Originality

Feel lighthearted and free while trusting that your unique way of doing things is the right way.

These PACs never fail to amaze me. This whole pile is Spirit giving you a round of applause for how you’ve already handled a situation, because it’s done, and you don’t have to worry about them anymore.

The first story is regarding an actual spirit/ghost/poltergeist or what have you. The troublesome & meddlesome kind too. I don’t get “dark”, just tricky, problematic. Only take it if you know you’ve dealt with one, this is simply confirmation & validation for your experience. I’m specifically getting a spirit that liked to take things, or move them, maybe break them. It’s possible they were a child, doesn’t have to be, they liked to mess with you. Always when you were alone, that’s here under “why” they chose you, you were the one in a light 💡 energy, you were alone, and they liked you. Something about you drew them in, where with others they were pretty avoidant or even shy. I get you probably having done some research, and telling this spirit where to go. It’s possible you called in someone who does this for a living, a medium, priest, something like that. Or you did it yourself, and again, they liked you. Whatever you did, it worked, they’ve moved on to the light 💡and won’t bother you again 💚

The second story is for someone alive, a trickster, possibly a gambler or someone that likes to take risks and/or possibly use others for their gain in some way. You are already aware of this person and all of the bs that comes with them, you’ve already told them where to go and have ended the connection. For some, it’s possible this is a parent, or a child, maybe someone you knew as a child. You could have gone to counseling regarding things this person has done, or how they’ve affected you. You have moved on, and have done the right thing. I do sense possible hurt here for a lot of you, in the way you saw the world and how it was/should be - before and after this person. They’ve changed your perspective in many ways, probably negative ways. How a parent “should” be. Or trying to guide a child/friend/etc. that won’t listen and heads down the wrong paths. This person is only out for themselves, and you’ve had to remove yourself from this, which was probably very difficult for you. There is an energy here of forgiveness, them, their actions, yourself, needing to for your own sake. Gain your clarity & allow yourself to move on from this, I see nothing but happiness for you now & moving forward ☀️

3333 is here with Perfectionism, The Sun and The World, showing a shady character is not comfortable in the light - which is you, and they had to leave that behind. You make this person feel uncomfortable, and their darkness stares them in the face around you. This is not your problem, they’re fighting their own demons, or they prefer their own demons.

222 is here with making the decision to seek Counsel, could be counseling, rehab, you may have had to cut someone off until they get help, or need to now. Either way there is someone important that could be or needs to be involved with this, but it’s not your place to.

Advice to deal with this ghost 👻: You’ve got this, for many, it’s already handled 💯

For those of you who have not yet handled this, removing yourself is the best thing for you, and you need to only worry about you. Same as this person only worries about them. You may have some ideal they should’ve lived up to, and they should have, *they* probably know that too, but that’s not who they are. If this person left one day and never came back, or you did, I’m getting it’s for your highest good. Are they bad, no. But they’re not good for you, that’s what’s important for you to know, and then Originality points out how wonderful you really are. If this situation runs deeper than even I see, Counsel is here for a reason, it could be good to talk to someone with an outside perspective to help you work through some of these possible traumas. Not that anything is wrong with you, you just owe it to yourself to honor your own experiences and sort through your feelings with someone that is an expert at these things. Some of you have already done this and Spirit is applauding everything you’ve done to deal with this, you’ve done an amazing job 👏

Pile 3 - Window 🪟

Living or Passed?: Living

Character Oracle: The Pathless

Who they are: 8 Pentacles, Queen of Cups, Knight of Wands, 4 Swords rev

Why: The Sun, Ace of Wands, The Magician, 3 Swords

Oracles: KARMIC RELATIONSHIP 🪢

- Resentments & Triggers

- Perception

- Intensity & Letting Go

- Turmoil & Fleeting

4 - Recycle

Learn from the past and apply it to creating your vision of the future.

51 - Time

Time can be seen to be both linear and a spiral - circle back to explore concepts form the past and create the future.

444 on the clock as I begin this reading, two 4’s in your reading as well, this message is about learning from the past in order to create stable relationships in the present, healing yourself from old hurts. Both oracles show past energy, I’m getting you’ve either moved on from this person or they’ve left and you’re needing to. They don’t have great energy 😕

I’ve gotten a few messages showing feminine energy specifically, doesn’t have to be romantic to be karmic, but for some of you this is definitely romantic. It can be any kind of connection, but tough lessons were learned from this person. You loved them. Some of you still do, and always will. I’m getting it’s been very difficult to move on from them, for those that already have. This is the kind of person with no direction, no goals, no real definition of anything in their life. There could be a noticeable age difference between you, or they’re the kind of person who IS an adult, but will always have a rebellious & spontaneous teenage sort of energy. They’re exciting, they make you feel good, happy, ready to take on the world. And then they let you down, disappear, date other people, cheat, hop from situation to situation, person to person, in the hopes that the next one will give them the sense of direction they’re looking for. This one will have purpose. This one is the right one.

But it’s never the one, and they come and go in and out of your life, and probably countless others as well. I get that you’re angry with this person, you want to hold them accountable, and they’re a dodger in nature. They dodge accountability, responsibility, maturity, rules, this person has an answer for everything and none of those answers actually make sense. Yet it works for them, and they know how to craft a reality around them to suit them, for the time being. Until they change again. This could be someone promiscuous in anything, partners, hopping from job to job, moving from place to place, and there’s always some drama attached to them, something they’re running from. They may have simply left you.

I’m also getting you could have done this to them or other people, because of the heavy past energy, and there’s one person in particular that you regret hurting, and they’re haunting you for that reason if that’s the case. Someone was very sexual, spontaneous, rushed into things and created painful situations, that’s the focus. But I’m getting it’s more than that too, that was just one representation of a much deeper issue where this person was/is concerned, and it’s the lack of direction, boundaries, and dreams that causes this sort of personality to dominate their energy. They siphon off of other people’s energy, other people’s goals & dreams, being appealing, sweet, kind & loving and using it to their advantage. They are all of those things, that’s why it works for them. They’re also non-committal and a restless sort of person, I’m getting they’re “too far gone” with this sort of energy, nothing can change them but God, karma, themselves, the consequences of their actions, time, etc. Not you. If it was you, no one could have changed this, not even you at the time.

For a small part of you, this could be a person that literally changed a job of yours, you could’ve lost a job or they did, you could’ve moved or traveled in regards to work or they did. Work is part of the loss, along with them. Or money. For most of you this just shows something you’ve struggled with for a long time, actually letting go of this person/situation. Or they have.

Advice to deal with this ghost 👻:

Wheel of Fortune, The Hanged Man & The Hierophant

All major arcanas, all very intense energy, this is a whole life lesson for this person. Karma, and this is a karmic, you’re the lesson that showed them what they’re doing and have done to people they care about. What losing people costs them. What acting on passion or spontaneity (or anger) does to relationships. This message shows the only thing that will teach them is time, time brings perspective on commitment, marriage, religion for some, karma for sure. They will “get theirs”. I also get your own perspective changing with time too, karmic relationships have two sides, two lessons, both of you were meant to meet and experience each other for a purpose. For those that have not already moved away from this, even just emotionally, now is the time to learn it, feel it, and let it go. It’s out of your hands 🙏

Pile 4 - Bouquet 💐

Living or Passed?: Living

Character Oracle: The Shepherd

Who they are: The Fool, 5 Swords, 6 Wands, The Hermit & 10 Swords

Why: 5 Wands, 9 Swords rev & Ace of Swords

Oracles: ASCENDING 🎈

- Learning & Expansion

- Transcending

- Preparing for Union

- New Phase

78 - Recharge

When the pace of life becomes too hectic, know to slow down, be mindful, and go with the flow.

5 - Pitch

Be as clear, concise, and professional as you can be when you explain your ideas to potential associates.

45 - Collaboration

Creative people can be inspired by sharing and stimulating creativity in others.

I’m not pulling out signs here but the fire 🔥 is intense with this pile. There is a lot of conflict with what looks like a pair, a couple, probably parents or grandparents being the most obvious story here. If they aren’t fire signs, then they’re fiery in nature, could have hot tempers and are used to getting their way. If anything, I’m getting you could be too much alike 💯 How this ended initially was a nasty conflict and big-headed egos, you/they are right and the other person is wrong, stick it to them, sort of energy. This had to do with you doing what you want, not what they want. Periodttt. You were glad to leave this, glad to be alone, glad to do wtf you want to do.

I’m getting it worked for you too! Maybe not entirely, but for the most part you’ve succeeded and ascended spiritually, you just keep on rising higher. This could all be switched as well, and you’re watching another person/people rise in their lives, without you. Some of you chased after a goal that crashed and burned terribly, and are now considering a “walk of shame” back to parents or something. You could need them. I do get this being family for the most part, could be a friend/s as well. It doesn’t have to be a couple, that’s just here for where it does apply, 3 Pentacles too. Two people, and you, probably parents. In like…one case, it could be romantic, and you’re haunted over whether someone cheated on you or not, and I get no. The Wands are naturally very flirty, is that okay idk depends on you, but it shows the Death of this occurring before they met the other person. It also answers the question of a reconnect, they’re with someone else now. If there was a known issue in a romantic connection, it’s like something got flirty, someone got pissed off (you?), and it ended immediately after that. No Moon energy, no secrets, no hidden anything beyond that.

You’re conflicted inside on whether or not you could heal this connection, and work together again. Be friends again. Be close again. Come to holiday dinners again. I’m getting you don’t talk much if at all. More specifically, there’s something they have that you want, could be regarding a career or some kind of teamwork collaboration, but I don’t get you literally working together. You need someone’s help, or they could need yours, but you feel like this bridge has been burned, and are afraid of Ace of Swords, clear cut truth & communication, being cut off, or rejected. Or having to again. Except for the ex moving on story, if so it’s not hidden, I don’t see any reason why this can’t be healed, except things like pride…shame…guilt, big egos are at play in all of you. It’s like it runs in the family or something 😜 I’m also getting this feeling that you haven’t done anything this person hasn’t done as well, there is some kind of equal ground or understanding between you. The Shepherd protects its “family” and I get that what this is, is a family, people that look out for you, did, want to, or could, and it’s up to you where/how this goes if it goes.

Advice to deal with this ghost 👻:

Queen & King of Wands, 3 Pentacles

Just ask. Be clear, honest, Ace of Swords, no tricks or avoidance, games or bs just be truthful about what’s happened, how you are, what you want, etc., and give this person/people the benefit of the doubt. It feels really positive to try mending these fences, like all of you can rise to another level of understanding with each other and feel good about it.

Pile 5 - Hades ☠️

Living or Passed?: Both - 2 Stories

Character Oracle: The Spymaster

Who they are: 10 Pentacles, 6 Swords, The Tower, 4 Pentacles, Queen of Pentacles, 8 Swords

Why: 6 Wands, 9 Cups, Temperance

Oracles: THE DRAGONFLY 🪽

- Light-hearted & Adapt

- Finding Out & Change

- Things Coming to Light & Heal

72 - Nature

Go out in Nature as much as you can, for it’s pure creativity can teach you everything you need to know.

39 - Direction

Switch gears, reboot, and try a new and different direction.

66 - New Start

Sometimes we must realize that what we have done needs to be discarded and we must make a new start.

We’ll start with the living energy first, there are slight variations that separate them into two stories, one being your own actions, the other being someone else’s. Either you stalk them, or they stalk you, this is someone that watches you closely with everything you do. To the point of obsession even. Or you do. There is heavy earth energy here, you/they could reflect that, or the issues here have a lot to do with money, success, and material things. A business. An inheritance. Your career. Or just greed in the sense of no one giving a damn. No one helping you out, financially or otherwise, there is no team effort from a whole group of people. For many, this is your family that you feel victimized by. For others this could be someone that ran out on you (maybe a whole family) and left you to fend for yourself, carrying the bag and everything else on your own shoulders, with no help. Possibly being a single parent, unexpectedly, having the rug pulled out from under your feet and you had no choice but to be strong enough to hold it together, for a group, a business perhaps (or kids). Or you could have done this to them.

This person, or you, the wrong one, is trying to make a comeback into this situation, or wants to, because they see how well things are going for you. It could be you too, there’s a message about playing the victim and trying to gain sympathy, for money, expecting that from others…not helping yourself, just blaming everyone else for your problems. Or that’s them. It’s not the main story, but it’s here as a side note, 8 Swords is either trapped unwillingly, or keeps themselves trapped on purpose, both are possible. There are cases where you or this person were actually put into very difficult & painful situations and just left there with no care or help from anyone around you. Those that left, or you had to leave, haunt you, mostly due to deeply rooted negative perceptions and grudges you still carry, or you know they do.

If they are trying to come back around, it’s because you’re successful now, your dreams have come true, you’ve risen above The Tower and pulled yourself through the mud and the darkness to get where you are today. You could be doing quite well for yourself. And these people just expect a seat at your table? Or you expect a seat at theirs? I don’t think so. The skepticism is healthy, and the distrust makes sense, no matter which side it’s coming from. What are people’s real intentions?

There is a small side story about maybe a coworker or a family member that was in the same business as you, same kind of job, and it’s like they left this behind and succeeded elsewhere, and you didn’t. Or you left, they stayed and took it very far, dreams come true, hard work rewarded, and you’re like damn…that could’ve been me.

There is also a passed loved one story, likely a family member, that watches over you all of the time. They even come up as Temperance, which is always shown as an Angel 😇, they could be a Spirit guide of yours or are just part of your spiritual team, they’re always with you. The Tower may show how they passed on, something quick, unexpected, and very upsetting. Someone you wanted to hold onto, or they wanted to hold on to you. Or maybe your parent, if a grandparent. There could’ve been an inheritance issue with this person, they could have been seen as greedy, or may have been left to their own devices. The outcast of the family, the single parent, possibly an earth sign, they did everything on their own, because they had no choice. Or when they passed on, they left you in that state, and it was out of their control 🙏

For the passed on story, I’m getting a clear message about animals, could be dragonflies, crows & birds, I have those both here. Nature is generally showing anything you see outside that acts peculiar towards you, strangely friendly and such. They send those critters to you, and many say that Spirits often like to use animals as a sign they’re with you. There’s also a note here about whatever you’re doing, needing to switch tracks and do something else, or if you already have, you’re being applauded for that. Some of you started from near nothing and have gone far, they’re cheering for you 👏 Some are encouraging you to do this, if it’s something you’re dealing with now. It’s really a feeling of validation and pride, they’re proud of you for how far you’ve come, and making a dream of yours come true. I’m getting them being with you every step of the way, for all of your life going forward too.

Advice to deal with this ghost 👻: For the living

Ace of Pentacles & The Hanged Man

In simplest terms, you may need to take this opportunity to look at things from another perspective, especially in terms of money and the motives of other people, yourself included. Is everyone judging everyone based on some bs sense of worth - via money & material things or are others out to take what’s yours, or vice versa? Is there even money to spread around like that, or like is expected, because I get a sense that there isn’t. In all stories there is a confusion in how you’re seeing money and how that’s a value to you or other people, it’s something you need to see differently than you do currently. What even is value, to you? People that “flex” what they have could really bother you, but it’s like IS it what they’re spending on? Or is it the family around them? Or in some cases the family they left behind, staring at them through the window of the internet & life like wtf…any side could be you, there is no *one* energy strongest in this pile.

Pile 6 - The Babadook 🎩

Living or Passed?: Could be either

Character Oracle: The Brawler

Who they are: 10 Swords, The Empress, 8 Swords, The Hierophant & 10 Cups

Why: The Emperor & 9 Wands

Oracles: ASCENDING 🎈

- Learning & Expansion

- Transcending

- Preparing for Union

- New Phase

50 - Sacred Space

Use beautiful art, music, and creativity if all kinds to put you into a sacred space.

57 - Worry

Worry is attachment to a particular outcome and the fear that it will not come to pass.

This is the most clear reading by far I’ve gotten, the most obvious answer is a parent, or a dynamic between parents. Particularly a mother. For some, your mother may have passed on and your father is a mess over it, it’s like you lost both people the same day, in many ways. Your relationship with one parent isn’t the same after the other one passes on, which is especially difficult for you as children if that’s the case. Sending you lots of love. That won’t be for everyone.

A father figure could be particularly aggressive with this Brawler card here, this is someone that is always fighting, a “tough guy” mentality, like they dare you to go against them. Doesn’t have to be a father either, it could be the mother too. Or a spouse, an ex-spouse, an ex in general, someone destructive, mouthy, you have to walk on eggshells around them. I get a clear narcissist energy from the Brawler card - lacking empathy, and for any of you that have dealt with that traumatic psychological mindfuck, I see you, you’re included. Parent or not, these don’t have to be parents, they’re just here. Marriage & spouses are clearly highlighted too. This could be your situation, your parents, or even a friend that’s married to an asshole and you can’t get them out of your head, it haunts you, because you’re powerless, and they are too it looks like.

Some of you may have literally lost people to a tragedy of some sort involving domestic violence or something very painful like that, maybe blaming the other person involved for what’s happened. In the worst case I can see, one parent may have hurt you, and the other just stood by quietly, or didn’t believe you, they didn’t do shit about it when they should have. It could be switched in any of these cases but I’m not getting that specifically, I’m talking to a hurt person, not the problem. Someone may have hurt you like this, could be close to you, could be a complete stranger. Cases of violence and harm on any level are included. It also doesn’t have to be that serious. This can include step-parents that maybe pulled your own away from you, or that’s how you feel. It can be a co-dependent relationship of some kind, and feeling powerless to do anything about difficult situations in this dynamic of chains - that’s what I’m getting from this whole pile. Someone is in chains, could be you, could be someone else, but it stays with you at all times.

Some of you have freed yourself from a bad situation, but someone else is still there, could be kids, parents, whoever, and you constantly worry about them. You could’ve been left by one parent and the other one is a mess, and you can’t get out of this because they’re emotionally dependent on you. You could’ve been forced to grow up very young because those around you weren’t equipped to deal with reality, like you were the adult here, and you were idk 8 years old. If anyone harmed you as a child, especially in any way regarding violence, or any level of abuse, this is describing them.

You want to grow from this, escape this, want to be better and set better examples for those around you. You could have children of your own, and are haunted by shitty parents, wanting to be better for your own kids, make better decisions that others never did for you or gave to you. You want people around you to guide you and show you the way, or you want to be this person yourself, maybe both. The family you never had, or maybe did have at one time, and something terrible happened to change all of that. It’s like the memories of happiness and a happily ever after are what haunt you. If a spouse, you’re tempted to make it work, even if this is someone you’re cautious about or around. Or you were, and you tried. If a spouse it’s like this person never stops trying and “haunting” can be more like “stalking” because they will literally never leave you alone 💯 My heart goes out to all of you.

The tamest story I’m seeing is a person that wants to follow their dreams, maybe go to school for a specific thing or do things in a way they feel is right, and in order to do this they would have to fight. Or have already fought someone, that they miss and want to reconcile with, but aren’t sure that they can. In this story, you’re happy, it’s others with the problem. No matter what your story is, or who is involved, boundaries seems to have been the lesson here, keeping people behind a wall out of caution of what they will or could do to you, and I don’t get that’s wrong, that’s learned. It’s a trauma response.

Advice to deal with this ghost 👻:

Temperance, 2 Swords & Queen of Cups

For those thinking of making amends, that’s here as a possibility. You could. Don’t have to. I’m getting more than anything that worrying about what will or won’t happen is not useful for you, like you have no control over this. For some that’s the whole problem. I don’t get any one answer because there isn’t one story, no right or wrong way to do or handle any of this. Your advice is to take care of yourself, your heart, your space, give all of the love to you that you would another person. And be very patient with yourself, how you process things, because I get a lot of fear and indecision that’s not helpful to you. It’s really just “take as long as you need”, some of you are dealing with or have dealt with some serious trauma, and you can’t be expected to heal, overcome, “deal with it” or any other mindless bs advice in one day, week, year, five years, doesn’t matter because everyone is different. You focus on you 💯 Love you 💯 Worry about you ❤️ If you want to reconcile with people or not, I don’t get any answer you coming up with being right or wrong, it’s about doing what you feel is best. Ascending 🎈 If this is a person that has passed on, it’s a similar message, with “I love you” attached - Queen of Cups.

Pile 7 - Sinkhole 🕳️

Living or Passed?: Both - 3 Stories

Character Oracle: The Sentinel

Who they are: 5 Cups, Page of Swords, Page of Pentacles, Temperance & The Devil

Why: Queen of Cups, Ace of Cups, 4 Cups & 4 Pentacles

Oracles: DEATH ☠️

- The Relationship is Over

- No Second Chances

- Grow & Transform

- What’s Dead is Dead

36 - Generosity

You can afford to be generous with the gift of your time and attention.

3 - Share

To help you make progress, it’s a good idea to share what you have and what you care about.

Story 1 is about a literal entity, and you’ll know if this is you, because you already expected it, you’re aware of the things going on around you, they make themselves known. Are chatty even, you could have heard actual talking, have seen messages or are receiving them regularly. I almost get an “attachment”, like they are attached TO you. Stuck to you, holding on, it’s possible they’ve even followed you from another place. Are they still with you, yes. I keep getting “they”, and I see two Pages here, there are two of them. It’s possible they’re children, or just young, and it’s likely they’re together. Siblings, friends, I’m not sure but they come together with you as a pair. I don’t get a negative vibe from them, I get a very sad one. Why they latch onto you, because you’re a loving person, almost like a mother or a parent they don’t have and want. You could have living children around and they want to be one of them, they don’t want to “go away”. I get that they don’t know what “away” means, or how to get there, or what comes after, they’d rather be with you. For others with an entity, same energy but not a child, just chatty, noisy, they make it known.

Story 2 are for those who have lost children, or even friends & family while young yourself, people you’ve lost in childhood, or over the years, even if they’re still alive right now. You grieve what’s been lost, and the sadness weighs on your heart like a weight that never leaves. I’m getting you are a very deep, loving, and nurturing sort of person, this could also be their energy for some of you. It stays with you because of how much you loved them, and wanted them to stay, so you hold on tightly to your memories and what you still have of them…but those memories are being tainted with the amount of grief they bring you at the same time. It’s like you feel guilty if you’re too happy. There is no winning in this situation, and I’m sending you so, so much love.

Story 3 is for romantic heartbreak, having been betrayed by some ex lover. It could be the lover themselves or someone they moved on with, things they’ve said and done to you. There’s a lack of closure with this, and it keeps you sad, you want to know why things happened the way they did, what they were planning, how this even happened, how you missed something. It’s caused a lack of trust in you that’s still not been overcome, it’s like it didn’t have to be this way. Essentially, your heart is wanting to ask a snake 🐍 why it bit you. You loved this person deeply, genuinely, and were very kind & loving to them. It’s possible they were this way to you and played you for a fool, you feel that way. Your pride is wounded, and they hurt you very deeply by treating you as someone that could just be replaced, when you gave them nothing but unconditional, pure love. You hang onto this and them tightly, forever holding a grudge, forever upset that this ever happened.

Advice to deal with this ghost 👻:

For the actual spirits, I’m getting that you’re going to have to be a little manipulative in how you handle this. Talk up “the light” and why they should go towards it. Their family is there, friends are there, it’s a beautiful place with the most amazing scenery and everything they could ever want, this place is no good. Someone can actually hug them and talk to them over there. Essentially selling them what they want, is the best tactic to getting them off of you, at least the ones I’m picking up on.

For the other stories where your own heart is centered on grief, heavy sadness, remorse, regrets, heartbreak, the advice is to “see the light” yourself. Your family, your friends, what you have right now, and how far you’ve come. Be proud of yourself. You could be needing to see people more, or spend time with loved ones and friends more. You can honor sadness and still make time for happiness, gratitude, deep connections with other people, seeing how things maybe worked out for the best - in some cases, not all 💯 I’m getting group energy, if grief is your main focus and you’ve lost someone, this can be a community drive or a cancer 5k run or something to honor your lost ones in a way you actually can. Planting a tree, donating something nice to a park, adopting a road, there are many different avenues to remember people, and they’ll see that, they’ll know. There’s no need to feel guilty or conflicted for feeling happy today, your loved ones on the other side want you to be, and they are too. They miss you too, and they’ll see you soon…to them, it’s soon. In the meantime, they’re always with you, always, and they like to be honored in special ways, thought of and celebrated like they’re still here, because they are, just in another way. For those who have lost loved ones, I’m getting they too are chatty, they send you messages and signs often, and if you think you’re just crazy, you’re not. Talk to them, ask for signs & they’ll show you however they can. You could also try contacting a medium of some kind to actually talk with them, if that’s something you’d like to try, again I get “chatty”, like they’d love to show up for you.

For some of you, the advice is simply, if you miss them then tell them, call them, where that’s possible. For the ex story I’m getting you’ve already come a long way, or you will eventually get to a point where things are so good you wouldn’t change them, and if you’re not there yet just keep moving forward ❤️

Pile 8 - Siren 🧜‍♀️

Living or Passed?: Probably still alive

Character Oracle: The Puppeteer & The Aspirant

Who they are: Wheel of Fortune, 4 Pentacles, The Devil, 6 Swords, The Hanged Man

Why: 6 Pentacles, 2 Wands, Queen of Cups

Oracles: THE RUNNER 🏃‍♂️

- Fear of Intimacy

- Running Away

- Intensity & Letting Go

- Turmoil & Fleeting

54 - Visualize

When we develop our abilities to visualize, we can manifest maximum influence on our experience of reality.

43 - Change

For a change, do something you usually do a certain way in a different way.

80 - Go Deeper

Expressing the deeper meanings in life, while staying attuned to childlike wonder, is at the heart of all great art.

This is probably going to be the most popular pile, because I’ve pulled two character cards and the energy is very vague and general, meaning many people will resonate with it. This is the “loved and lost” pile, Twin Flame, karmic relationships, doesn’t have to be but they’re all included. It can be a parent that ran off, a friend, cousin, someone you looked up to. They can be anyone. And it is not only those who have been left, but those who run.

Most of these people are still alive, not all perhaps, but I’m getting there are no spirits haunting anyone here, even if that’s the case. It’s memories & love that haunt you. The character cards show the two sides of a Twin Flame, that’s the easiest way to describe this dynamic and split the stories - even if that’s not exactly your story, the feelings are the same.

Story 1 - The Left Behind

It’s a spiritual connection, karmic in nature, so the pull between you is intense. It’s like they know you, they read you, they can understand what you’re thinking and feeling before even you do. They may have manipulated you, tricked you, you could have felt bamboozled and lost when this person just left, because it felt so REAL. It was intense, and everything inside of you *knows* this person was meant to be your person, or in your life, there’s a thread connecting you…but they ran off. How can a person just DO that? You can’t just leave, and you haven’t. Some of you have been tied to this person for a long time, holding on a little longer, forever waiting for them to grow up, see sense, see the light, realize you’re worth it.

Why, because this person gave you a sense of meaning that runs deeper than most other people in your life. All spiritual ties feel this intense, you just know, and you don’t know how you know but you do. You could still see synchronicities that remind you of them - even when you don’t want to, you try to force them out of your head, and then you dream about them and it starts all over again. You’re never going to be able to actually let this person go, but you do need to change your side of things, so that this doesn’t remain so strong. It’s Devil energy currently, keeping you trapped, you feel like you can’t escape it. Some of you could feel used, and discarded, and similar to the last pile, want to ask a snake 🐍 why it bit you. The answer won’t make you feel better, and for many of you, it’s why they never returned. And if you love them anyway, they can’t respect you for that, because a snake knows it’s a snake, and they’d likely do it again 💯 But you may not know how to continue on without them, and that’s the whole lesson of this very deep soul connection. They’ve changed your whole life, now you have to, on your own.

Story 2 - The Runner

The Aspirant is your character card, it’s the eager to run, eager to rush into new experiences, try on different faces in different places with different people, and make mistakes, but being afraid to face them once that’s happened. You’ve probably had a life full of all sorts of experiences and connections, many stories to tell anyone who’d like to listen, and many of them which didn’t run that deep, most things probably don’t with you. Life is life and it’s for living. Deep is something that feels like entrapment, it’s good in the moment but who you are is not built for what’s required of taking something “deep” all the way. It’s not comfortable, not FUN, it’s not for you. There is too much out there to see, do, be, and explore. Too many potential lovers to meet, too many different jobs to try your hand at, you’re not the person to want to stay put…forever. That’s daunting. There could be many reasons why, you all probably have all sorts of personal philosophies and beliefs on why “staying put” is not for you, and they’re not wrong, that’s you. Wheel of Fortune, you’re meant to be this way, because you’re meant to learn whatever it is you’re learning through all of this, it’s brought as much joy as it has any sorrow.

There is one particular person though, that sticks with you no matter where you go, you can’t outrun them, the feelings, the guilt, the longing in some cases. Maybe even the obsession, either you or them. You keep running and they constantly follow you, in dreams, even if you haven’t spoken in years. Time works funny in a karmic/Twin relationship. Time works funny on the other side, like it doesn’t really exist, and neither does it in these intense connections. It does and it doesn’t. They’re put here to make you feel the way you feel, because face it, no one else could. There’s something about *them* that was real, genuine, the depth of this connection came to you naturally, and it moved quickly. If it was intimate, it felt like your soul was on fire. It scared you. If it was family, you felt like you *were* this person, the connection was like two same people, they understood and loved you like no one else could. You probably didn’t know that then.

Your people are probably still alive, not all, but you can’t go back. If they’ve passed on, that’s probably what triggered a spiritual awakening of sorts, because runners don’t usually watch tarot readings or believe in…much. The 3D, what’s in front of them, LIFE IS FOR LIVING, you pave your own way etc etc, not analyzing karmic lessons, that’s boring 🤪 with beliefs & nonsense right, what a headache and it’s depressing af, too much, that’s likely not your cup of tea. Or it was at one time, and you’re not alone. I’ve met way more people like this than the other way 💯

Why you’re haunted, because of love. Same as the first story, there was a purpose with some person, a direction you never felt you really had, they gave you meaning, definition, you felt like you knew who you were when you were with them. Or who you wanted to be. Some of this may have been hopeful projection, not who *you* really are, because you ended up leaving this behind. Or was it? You always question what if. Something made you leave, and The Wheel of Fortune shows things being destined, karmic, outside of your control (or theirs). Could’ve been another person, an opportunity, a job, moving away while young, a death in some cases. Life was life-ing, some of you chose to walk and others had no choice. It was your path to do whatever you did, for whatever reason you did it, especially in this connection. Many things are free will, and some things are soul-level lessons, orchestrated by things outside of us, and those feel the most intense, they’re the soul connections. Like this one, whoever they are. Is it your fault? Depends on your own story. Some yes, some no, and some “you couldn’t have known”. Shocking you was the point, they were the jolt.

Advice to deal with this ghost 👻:

9 Pentacles, 4 Swords, 5 Pentacles & Ace of Wands

I don’t get a reconcile energy from either of you, 9 Pentacles is happily independent, with or without a person, and that’s what you’re needing to achieve within yourself. Healing from whatever has happened. Healing any abandonment issues that came with it. Releasing it entirely, because for many of you, control is not a factor - you have none. It either is or it isn’t, and it’s not up to you with whoever this is. Whether or not it’s Twin Flame doesn’t seem to matter, because it’s the same advice.

Assume they’re not coming back. Ever. You have to worry about yourself, live for yourself, do what you want to do and express your soul’s purpose in whatever way that is for you, this person is not a factor in that. They may have started the story, but then made their exit, and it’s up to you to continue it, change it, mold it, surprise us, and come up with your own ending. Be free of them. Will you still think of them, dream of them, sure, especially Twins. Whoever they are IS a soul tie, you’re not crazy. Many are just lessons. It was meant to be this DEEP and intense, meant to start a fire in you that doesn’t die, but it needs to be redirected.

Ace of Wands shows you needing to feel passion for other things, head off in other directions, feel joy and inspiration from new experiences. Pretend they never happened, what would you do now? Who are you now? Who do you want to be, what would that person do? What makes you feel ALIVE, by yourself, because it feels good, it’s for you, your whole soul resonates with this thing? And then do that. Could be music could be gardening could be work, whatever makes you feel like *you*. You won’t forget them, but for awhile you should probably try to, on purpose, and have faith that whatever you do or whoever you end up with, it’s the right thing for you. This person filled you with purpose and love, now they’re unconsciously keeping you chained away from purpose, and love ❤️

———————————

P.S. After finishing

That was intense. I was thinking Halloween fun and maybe some actual demons let’s do this, when I first had the idea, and what I got was…real shit. Things that hit our core. Things we’ve held onto a long time. I’m both surprised, and not. I’m sending you all love & hugs, we’ve all got demons, just not the kind that pop up in the mirror and say BOO 👻 Though a couple could. You never know.

Happy Halloween! And thank you for being a part of my intense/funny little tarot corner of the interwebs. I appreciate & love you all, and I’m cheering on everyone to win 🏆 at everything they want to win at along their soul’s journey 🥰 Thank you!

[sadie-bug345]

the gang as types of people in my classes 🫶

these are just stereotypes and it’s a kinda basic hc to make but here we go!!

ponyboy: i feel like guy isn’t even that quiet, if you’re his buddy he won’t shut up BUT he is respectful enough to not talk when the teachers talking…but trust he’ll whisper a joke or two in case it’s urgent lmao

johnny: if friends are in his class he’d joke around enough, not the annoying type to be around at all but if he’s in a class with barely any friends, he’s probably just doodling quietly on his paper and being an academic weapon no one expected🙏

sodapop: honestly is annoying to be with in class if you’re not his friend but like who ISNT friends with soda?? *socs* BUT ANYWAY… my guy will probably mess up the second the teacher puts him on the spot and everyone kinda laughs cause it’s not that big of a deal…would do anything for the whole class to laugh but not as much as two-bit.

darry: probably more like pony (though pony denies it), darry will make a couple loud jokes during class for everyone but he’ll stay reserved with his friends. on top of his schoolwork like no one else.

dally: if we’re being fr he’s the type who’s name is always on the attendance and only shows up for the last week of school and that’s it BUT let’s say he doesn’t have his priorities royally screwed up and he actually pulls up. he’s the type to be quiet usually in the back corner and can’t stop laughing but the second you ask what’s funny he’s like 😐 and excludes you😭😭 he’ll make a few CONCERNINGLY FUNNY loud jokes in class and then everyone’s so shocked that they laugh and then next day he just dgaf anymore and yells at everyone and storms out the class🤡

two-bit: def class clown among the greasers, if you’re a soc you do not think this guy is funny (though he fr is stop hating, you richies) occasionally he’ll make a loud joke that gets everyone laughing…even the socs… and then they contemplate it like “wow, maybe socioeconomic status doesn’t actually capture someone’s value to society and overall worth as a person and we as a somewhat functioning society should invest more in helping those in financial need” and then they snap out of it and go jump some greasers in an empty lot next week🧍‍♀️

steve: broseph will probably have a solid amount of friends though the one he mainly whispers jokes and complaints in class to is soda definitely. whenever someone makes a joke my guy will laugh SO loud and his laugh is honestly so goofy (but we love him for it) that everyone starts joining in. lowk surprisingly fun to have in class. gets pressed at kahoots.

¡requests are open guysssss! 🫶

[checkoutmybookshelf]

...Are We the Bad Guys?

Guys...I was going to be good. I was going to finish a chapter last night and call it good and go to bed. That...SUPER did not happen, because the last few chapters of this book happened which meant that I was just fully up half the night finishing it and I HAVE THOUGHTS. So with that for preamble, let's talk Fourth Wing.

THIS IS A SPOILER-IFIC REVIEW BELOW THE BREAK because I wanna talk about a couple things...so be warned.

Ok, so the TL;DR on Fourth Wing is that it's a romantasy in a military training camp for dragon riders that is full-on enemies to lovers with a protagonist with a disability that reads like Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS). It's also very good, I basically inhaled the book around work and life. I also have THOUGHTS about this book.

Violet Sorrengail is our disabled protagonist, and the daughter of General Lillith Sorrengail was supposed to be a scribe, but her mother basically forces her into trying to become a dragon rider, with everyone from Vi's older sister Mira to her childhood best friend and fellow trainee Dain Aetos think will kill her because she is--as everyone in the damn book describes her--fragile. She obviously does not die, but put a pin in Dain for a second, because we're coming back to his ass after we talk about Vi and how disability was handled in this book.

I am...objectively kind of torn on how this book handles Vi's EDS. On the one hand, I am very much here for getting rid of the idea that a disabled protagonist doesn't belong in any type of story you want to tell, up to and including the ones that involve "graduate or die" styles of training camps. Disability is everywhere, and I am so, so very cool with disrupting the stereotype that disabled protagonists either cannot be in these stories or have to die at the end--and Vi is gloriously alive and kicking at the end of the book.

That said...there are like...hard ceilings and absolute limits on what you can push a body to do, and Vi...kind of doesn't hit EDS-related hard limits in a significant way. Some of that is because she works smarter not harder (poisoning her challenges is flippin' inspired), but some of it is also framed in the book as Vi exercising to strengthen her joints and being creative in executing tasks and challenges, which are great and can absolutely alleviate some symptoms. But then she also refuses the magical healing that has kept her functional (not cured, which I appreciate, just functional) for most of her life to avoid the appearance of weakness. So for someone with a chronic illness that also involves a HELL of a lot of pain and joint issues, this read to me like a combination of toxic strength and refusing actual medical care in favor of like...exercising the symptoms away? And while exercise can absolutely help, it being the only thing combined with bailing on medical treatment read really toxic. I feel like a combination of sneaky care hidden from the other cadets and the exercise might have been less toxic feeling. I know that everyone's bodies are different, and some people can probably manage with exercise, but I do not love the vibe I was getting of "sheer grit and exercise can completely replace medical assistance in managing physical disabilities so you don't look weak to people around you."

To be VERY clear: Needing medical assistance to function has no moral value. Needing it to have the best possible quality of life has no moral value. And I don't love when stories put a moral value on physical strength without medical intervention.

I did appreciate that Vi simply could not physically hold her seat on her dragon by brute strength alone, and that she was accommodated with a saddle with actual straps. And the book does go out of its way to highlight that Vi's moral courage and intelligence are ultimately more valuable to the people and dragons who love her than her physical ability. I just could have done without the firing her mender to avoid looking weak.

And this is where we remember that we put a freaking pin in Dain Aetos, because JFC I have not wanted to reach into a book and punch a fictional character as much as I have Dain in a LONG time. Dain spends the ENTIRE book cutting Vi's confidence out from under her because he's convinced she is too physically weak to survive in the Rider's Quadrant and that he's going to have to watch her die. He says this after she survives the parapet. He says this after she survives having her shoulder ripped to shreds in the physical assessment. He says this after she survives the Gauntlet. After she survives Threshing. After she has BONDED NOT ONLY THE BIGGEST MOST BADASS DRAGON IN THE VALE BUT ALSO A SECOND ADORABLE DRAGON. Dain literally has zero faith in Vi's abilities and instead of helping her survive, he actively gets in the way of her physical and emotional growth. I wanted to PUNCH this man in his smug-ass paternalistic fucking face.

And no, y'all, the whole "I would be absolutely destroyed if I had to watch you die because your body can't handle the environment" is in no way an excuse or even acceptable. It's paternalistic and shitty and moves the focus from VI'S ACTUAL LIFE to his man pain. We don't fucking have that in this house.

In fairness, the book also calls Dain out on this. Everyone from Xaden to Tairn spends the book bitching about how Dain isn't helping Vi. The fact that it's mostly the men around Vi bitching about how they're affecting or not affecting her life and choices isn't my favorite thing either, but I'll take the book calling out at least some toxic paternalistic bullshit, especially where it comes to wrapping girls with disabilities in bubble wrap and trying to put them on shelves against their will.

This also facilitates Dain and Xadens' narrative chiasmus (crossing over). Dain starts as the childhood best friend that Vi wants, and ends up worse than anything he ever accused Xaden of. Xaden, of course, starts out as the literal black-hatted villain with every reason to want to murder Vi himself and ends up as the boyfriend. I did appreciate that little narrative peice, because it was pretty well executed throughout, and Vi having feelings about it was very fun to watch.

The other thing about this book that was stunningly well done was the worldbuilding. Rarely do I see "oh shit, we're the bad guys" done this well, and with this many dragons. It was a ton of fun, and I will absolutely be picking up Iron Flame when it comes out in November. I cannot wait to see what's in store for Vi, Xaden, Dain, and Navarre in general.

[kneelingshadowsalome]

Hey 🥺 I'm finally coming here 😩 I've read Just friends so many times it marked a before and after in my life LETMME tell you that you're the greatest writer ever ?? This Yandere Konig just will live with me forever and I will cherish him forever😩 I'm literally the lyric ,"my old man is a thief and I'm gonna stay with him till the end" (I'm sorry I'm a Lana del Rey enthusiastic)

Girl I can't STOP stressing the fact that that fanfic is life-changing hell, even now that I'm talking bout it I want to read it again (I wish I could read it for the first time again 😩) like just thank you thank you for making so many incredible written masterpieces caUSE IM READING also the ghost bodyguard and im LIVING for it ok?? My ass was shaking with the las update fucking mind-blowing and PERFECT.

So returning to my man König, you know I'm Hispanic (you didn't know but hey I'm Hispanic) and I would like really want to know how would König react or behave having a darling that is Hispanic (? (This is pure self indulgence, like I want to fucking put myself there) I mean, I don't want to appropriate any stereotypes but when sometimes can be a lot and we donate pretty different from everyone else(? So idk I just like would like to know kajsosib

Thank you again for making so many good content I told you before and I tell you know you're my cult leader 🙏

Hey babe you're too sweet! I can't believe my crazy story and crazy interpretation of König has had such an impact 🩷💕😭 Thank you for telling me, I'm just so glad that we can all buzz about this hot, insane man! And cult leader!? Haha omg this sounds dangerous (I love it, let's gather the whole toxic König crew and go to Austria together and build a shrine for this man, we can share headcanons thrice a day, dinner is served right after the compulsory fanfic writing workshop)

As for your ask, I'm sorry, I don't think I know enough about Hispanic culture to go too deep into detail & I wish to tread very carefully with stereotypes too, I hope this take is ok 🩷😘

The way I see it, there's two ways this thing would go….

An emotional, lively, feminine woman who has strong family values would be a dream come true for König. If you identify with the concept of marianismo at all, if you're loving and loyal and want to support your husband-to-be (König won't settle being just your 'boyfriend'), want to get married too and embrace your femininity while he gets to be The Man, your provider and protector, well, damn. This guy is on his knees! König will worship you, return your support and love tenfold, hundredfold. It will be the love story of a lifetime (and a story of traditional gender roles too but König would only view it as romantic 🩷)

But if you're "a lot", perhaps more outgoing than König thinks is appropriate, if you don't give a shit about his Ordnung muss sein-mentality and laugh at his attempts to cage you…? Sorry but you'll drive the poor man crazy!

He needs to possess protect you, which means your "temper" is a weed in the garden of your love. It needs to be pulled out, and you need to be tamed. König will go out of his mind as he tries to both please your every wish and try to put you on a leash. Lots of arguments ensue as you try to explain to this man that he's overreacting (and König is like Was?? He's not overreacting or hysterical, you're hysterical), lots of passionate reconciliation sex follows as he tries to prove you that you're his and his alone and no other man is allowed to even look at you.

So please don't torture him too much ❤️, he's not used to women's company and has a lot of suppressed energy and emotion, he just wants to take care of you and be the head of the house (and that you two worship each other 24/7 and carry each other's blood in small little vials or something omg)

[the-derpy-duck]

Hikaru Sulu and Pavol Chekov: The greatest fictional friendship you have never seen.  

The original Star Trek series was known and remembered for being rather progressive and had a major impact on popular culture. The idea of a mirror dimension that has all the characters but evil came from Star Trek, many characters get referenced in different media, and a lot of fanfiction as we know it today started with the Star Trek fandom. The main reoccurring cast in the first season of Star Trek was Captain Kirk, Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy or “Bones”, Mr. Scot or “Scotty”, Mr. Sulu, and Mrs. Uhura along with a few other background characters that were not as prevalent. In the second season Star Trek decided to add another guy to the cast, Mr. Chekov. He was mostly just there to be Russian and a reason for teen girls to watch the show. However, I believe that is a boring way to see a character. If a character speaks, or even makes an on-screen appearance, then there is subtext that can be read into. This can most easily be applied to the main trio.  

Spock is a half-Human half-Vulcan who comes from a world that is highly built around logic and suppressing emotions. He never really ends up fitting into one singular category to the more ignorant people around him and is subject to many bigoted comments from both humans and Vulcans, in varying degrees of subtilty. In some cases, it is difficult to tell if a comment was meant to be directed at Spock and if it was malicious. Spock does not often react to these comments regardless and it is typically Kirk who would confront the person. McCoy is very opposite to Spock; he is a doctor and a part of being in the medical field is having empathy. Although McCoy does make jokes at Spock’s expense there is a clear difference between when McCoy, Spock’s friend, antagonizes him and when some random guy does. McCoy is often at odds with Spock because he is so deeply rooted in empathy and caring for others which often leads to, and is also rooted in, emotions. Vulcans aren’t supposed to feel strong emotions, which Spock clearly does for both McCoy and Krik. In the episode “Naked Time” he directly states that he feels strong emotions for Kirk, in “Amok Time” he asks Kirk to go with him as a companion to witness a culturally significant ceremony in Vulcan culture (McCoy is also asked and they both go). Spock is the “brain” of the trio, McCoy is the “heart”, and Kirk is the result of two equally unstable and stubborn people refusing to stop bickering. Many, much better, essays have been written about this, what I wish to discuss is the implied friendship between Mr. Sulu and Mr. Chekov. 

For the entirety of season one, Chekov does not exist. If one were to watch the show and take everything at face value, then he is a shallow, one dimensional, stereotype of a Russian put in a show made during a time when America did not like Russians. This, however, is not fun and is not technically true. Chekov has a more laid back and joking personality. The main joke he makes is that everything is made in Russia. It is important to keep in mind the political climate of the time this show was made in. Chekov is making a joke, the things he claims to originate in his home country are obviously not Russian, the main question is if the joke is being actively made by Chekov in the narrative, as in the he is telling a joke to someone else in the story canonically, or if the joke is just that Chekov thinks or is claiming things aren’t Russian to be Russian. If it is the former, then it adds to his character in a way that isn’t just throwing more ‘Russia’ onto the guy who’s main thing is being Russian. If it is the latter, then it adds more ‘Russia’ to the guy who’s main thing is being Russian. Every person who consumes a thing will come out of it with a slightly different reading. We can get a central theme and idea, but we have different ways of coming to the conclusion. We read a word in a different tone, completely changing the sentence, we focus on different characters and read relationships differently. The best thing about art is that there is no wrong way to read and enjoy it. I personally like Chekov. I see him as being a more sarcastic character who is, more often than not, mocking the viewer for laughing at a stereotype. Even if this not what he is, it is what a lot of the “made in Russia” jokes came off to me as. I also love the “made in Georgia” joke so I am biased towards a guy who would make a similar joke. But him saying that he “was the Tzar of all the Russians” when told that a man standing Infront of him (who had just grown multiple feet in height) was the god Apollo. He sheepishly apologizes to the captain for this comment, which made me think that he tended to say things without thinking because he was either personally insulted or just thought it would be funny. I also just thought that it was a bit cute. Chekov also obviously loves women (same) and is obviously loyal to Captain Krik, in “I, Mudd” he automatically dislikes Mudd because he is being held captive by him (with the rest of the crew) and because I think he has some level of loyalty to Kirk and the rest of the crew. He also dislikes physicals but that should be discussed later in this essay. One can also infer based on a comment made by Bones in “Who Mourns for Adonais?” where Chekov starts listing animals that can generate energy/electricity without any harm to themselves. Bones tells him to stop, and Chekov says that Kirk would need all the information. Bones then remarks that “Spock is contaminating this boy”. Which could also just mean that Chekov transferred to the Enterprise. It could also mean that Chekov trained under or spent time with Spock. It could mean both, it doesn’t fully matter but I think it’s fun to think about. This gives the impression of a character that likes to make jokes but cares about and is good at his job. Another thing about Chekov is that he makes what would ber historical references, especially Russian ones. In the episode “I, Mudd” he either called Mudd a former Surf or a former owner of a Surf. This would add to the ‘Chekov spent time with Spock” narrative as Spock studies history, but this doesn’t matter that much.  He is a bit young, impulsive, and very naevi, but also very passionate in the field he works in. Regardless of how good or real these conclusions I’ve come to are, it is still a semi-reasonable way to read and interpret the text.    

Sulu was a part of the cast sense the first season. He played a notable role in the episode “The Naked Time” where he was one of the first people to be affected by the virus that caused people to lose their inhibitions. Interestingly enough, Sulu became afflicted after his friend, who had originally contracted the virus and was the one who brought it back to the ship, had a mental breakdown and attempted to kill himself using a knife. He was apparently in a friend group with this character who existed to die, and Riley. They (Sulu and Riley) attempted to restrain their friend but ultimately failed. Sulu spent the rest of the episode fencing. The idea. that watching their friend die was never really considered as a possibility for Riley or Sulu’s strange actions. They are both noted to be acting out of character and that would have been a viable explanation. It isn’t why they are acting this way, but it is an interesting idea. He is mentioned to have been a good spacecraft fighter by Spock, but when they are attacked in season two, the first time, he is not present. The other time they are attacked they choose to retreat. Sulu has a more mellowed out personality compared to the more neurotic people who surround him. He enjoys fencing and is skilled in it, as stated before he was a fighter pilot. He cares about the rest of the crew members and is generally seen as trustworthy by those around him.  What we saw in “Mirror Mirror” also supports the idea that Sulu is a good guy, mainly because in the Mirror verse, he is not. From my understanding, the Mirror realm is where everything is the same, but the main characters were evil. This implies either a lot of things happening in the Mirror realm that led to people having vastly different morals or that the individual personalities and goals of the characters are swapped or moved around slightly. Realistically both probably occurred. Mirror Sulu is shown to be a bad person, he harasses women and torchers people who are below him in rank, although they did attempt to murder him. The characters, even when they are fully aware of how the people act in this world, are horrified and shocked over these actions. The normal Sulu would not take these actions, plus he’s gay. Although that doesn't mean that he would harass a woman.  Regardless, those just weren’t things that Sulu would do, which was why he was the one doing them in the Mirror realm. 

So why are these two friends? Well, a lot of their friendship is my own very liberal interpretation of the text. They interact as they are both helmsmen and sit next to each other when they have the same shift. Despite this, when Chekov is a major character in an episode, Sulu is typically either a minor character in the episode or not there at all and vice versa. In some episodes they also don’t have a lot of time to interact because they individually wouldn’t have a lot of time on screen individually. However, they do interact. One of the more well-known scenes the two share is from the episode “The Deadly Years”, where Chekov is forced to have a lot of physicals done on him and he is complaining about it to Sulu. He makes the remark “If I live long enough, I’m going to run out of samples to give” and Sulu responds with “You’ll live”. Chekov states that he will but he won’t enjoy it. They have a lot of chemistry in this short interaction, and it is one of the main things that convinced me that they are friends. The two would naturally spend a lot of time together because they work similar jobs. Although they wouldn’t always be on the same shift it is not unreasonable to assume that they would work together at least once or twice a week. It is also not unreasonable to assume that Krik or Spock would put people who get along with each other on the same shifts, it would make logical sense because it would lead to less infighting over irrelevant issues, and it would keep moral up. Unless two people distracted each other I don’t see why Kirk would purposely sperate people from their friends. Furthermore, both Kirk and Spock would be well aware of how important it is for people to care about each other. 

Having people who you care about and who care about you would make space travel and any type of work much more enjoyable, easy, and safe. Kirk, Spock, and McCoy obviously care about each other and regardless of how it is interpreted Kirk and Spock clearly love each other. A lot of what motivates people is interpersonal relationships, and it would make sense to put people who like working together, together. That unnecessary tangent aside, it has been proven that just being around a person more can increase affection towards that person. People like and trust those who they are familiar with more than the people who they are not, even if both people are strangers. Obviously, this can also work in reverse if one is annoyed with a certain person but that’s beside the point. We like things that we are familiar with, and that extends to people. So, it would not be unreasonable to assume that Chekov and Sulu would have built up some sort of repour with each other over the course of the second season of the show. Chekov also openly complains to Sulu in an incredibly casual way, and Sulu responds similarly. Although they both are generally seen as friendly, in this particular scene it is taken to a much higher level than would be normal. The two personalities aren’t necessarily contradictory or opposites, but they are clearly different. Chekov is younger, impulsive, and much more unprofessional. However most of the time when he does interact with people of higher ranks he is professional. He will make an occasional joke, but it isn’t a constant thing. Sulu, although not as professional as say, Spock, takes his work seriously and won’t make jokes during debriefings. If the two were to be put in more situations together they could easily work well together and balance the other one out. It is not hard to imagine the two running into trouble on the enterprise that get increasingly more ridiculous.  

All of that is hypothetical, which is my main problem. I have made up most of this friendship in my head and I have spent an unreasonable amount of time thinking about this thing that is not real. I often find myself liking random background characters for little to no reason apart from them having one line that I thought was funny or a few scenes that I thought were interesting. The main reason why I like Generation One Bumblebee was because it was mentioned in an episode that he was “late again”. It didn’t add anything to the story or further the plot, but it did give a small amount of character to Bumblebee and gave some insight into how the characters interact with each other. The normal length of a Star Trek episode for TOS is 50 minutes, which gives a lot of time for the characters to interact and have these small moments. The scene of Chekov complaining about all the medical tests served to show his youth in a sense. His complaints were likely meant to come off as childish and overdramatic. I am assuming that they weren’t drawing enough blood to fill one of those blood donation bags but he had done at least three physicals and two of those were back-to-back, so his complaints probably were somewhat reasonable. When Scotty was left in charge of the Enterprise during the events of ‘Friday’s Child’, Chekov makes a “thing that was definitely not made in Russia was made in Russia” joke. When Sulu and Scotty look confused, Chekov just smiles and Sulu also smiles, whereas Scotty just looks a bit annoyed with the comment. They also have a small conversation in “Amok Time” when Sulu asks what Chekov thinks about the current traveling situation. Chekov responds with a joke. The two also complain about how indecisive the commanders are being about where they are traveling. These scenes that show them making jokes together as they work make me think that they would spend time with each other outside of when they were required to work together. They make jokes with each other and don’t really get annoyed the way that the others do. In the epiosode where the enterprise is given a supercomputer that could very well replace them it is implied that both Chekov and Sulu dislike it. When Kirk tells Chekov to plot a course back to a star base Sulu is very happy and the two joke a bit and are smiling. There is also another episode where the two are very physically close to each other. I believe that Sulu was helping Chekov track something. Although two characters being physically close to each other does not automatically mean that the characters are close friends, it does say something about their relationship. They both feel comfortable enough to be working closely on a high stress project. In fact, it almost seems to make them calmer. This could also have just represented Sulu’s anxiety around the current situation, but it could also imply that the two are friends.

 But what is the actual appeal to the idea of their friendship? For me, the idea that two background characters who get enough screen time to not be completely obscure but not enough screen time to be considered a main character could have a friendship that just existed without being connected to a main character is cool. 50 minutes is a lot of time for the characters to just interact and any filler that has Chekov and Sulu together only strengthens my belief that they are best friends. If both of them are included in the episode, stay on the ship, and have at least a supporting role in the A or B plot then they will probably exchange funny looks or have a short conversation. Chekov, as a character, was meant to fill three main rolls, he needed to be Russian, he needed to be the appeal for teenage girls, and he was typically the comic relief character that was also the almost redshirt. Sulu also is sometimes placed in the ‘almost red shirt’ category. The audience knows and cares about him but he isn’t a main character. The writers will not kill off Spock, Kirk, or Bones. Scotty and Uhura also have a good amount of plot armor. Sulu and Chekov both have plot armor, but they aren’t integral to the ship functioning. There is more than one navigator and helmsman. They can be replaced, and they work in shifts. The main thing that separates them from a sacrificial security guard or science officer is that they have had their names for more than one episode. They are reoccurring background characters that the audience cares for, but they are not unkillable. Will they die? Probably not and it definitely wouldn’t be in the same way that your average red shirt would, but they could. The main way the writers can establish a thing as a threat or something we as the audience should be worried about is by having one of these ‘almost red shirts’ be impacted by it. They won’t die but they will be mind controlled or put in harm’s way. 

They are in no position of power and just have to deal with the consequences of the commanders’ actions in a way that is different from the actual people in power. Kirk goes to a planet and discovers that someone has contracted a disease, Spock, McCoy, and Kirk would be in charge of actually fixing the situation, but characters like Sulu and Chekov don’t actively work on solving the problem. In “Amok Time” they are shown to be changing the courses when Kirk goes back and forth on the Vulcan issue, but they aren’t the ones who are actually deciding what they should do. Kirk will ask Chekov a question about a navigation specific problem, but Chekov isn’t the one in charge of if or not they will go through with the plan; he is just there to give advice. They are both annoyed by how indecisive Captain Kirk was being in ‘Amok Time’ and although they will complain amongst themselves, they will never take their grievances to him directly. Nor will Kirk ask what they think about the situation because they are not the people who would know or care that much about the issue. This makes them resemble coworkers who are friends who must deal with their boss’s antics. We don’t focus on the people who do everyday jobs on the Enterprise because that is boring when compared to the adventures that Captain Kirk and Spock would go on. We still watch people do their everyday job, but what makes it interesting and fun is the setting and characters. For a show like “The Office” to work the characters need to be funny or entertaining. The main reason why people watch TV is because they want to escape from the monotony and stress of day-to-day life. If “The Office” was just about people working a typical office job, then it wouldn’t have as large of an audience because it would be boring. We wouldn’t want to have a boss like whoever the boss is in The Office (I’ve watched one episode of the office I don’t know how bad the guy is but from the clips I’ve seen all of these characters seem like the type you’d want to avoid having to spend long periods of time with) or be put in life threatening situations, but these are fake. They didn’t happen in real life and a lot of the absurdity is funny because of that. It would be much more interesting to watch the main three, and that’s why the show is heavily focused on them. However, the idea of Chekov and Sulu is funny. It may not be enough to fill a 50-minute block of TV or even a 22-minute one, but it does make for potentially humorous situations. These stories and situations would not have a large impact on anything, but the idea that they happen or could happen makes the world feel more real and a bit more fun.  Although they might not interact a lot in the original show the movies do present evidnce that they are friends. When the crew is given shore leave, Chekov and Sulu spend that time together. They get lost in Yellowstone together and the idea of them being friends is much closer to cannon than it ever was in the original show. The argument was never if or not they were friends, it was why this hypothetical relationship was good and entertaining. I personally find both characters endearing and I think that they would be friends based off of how they interact in the text. Their general personalities also serve to complement each other, Sulu is much more laid back and thoughtful whereas Chekov is impulsive and doesn’t really take things seriously, his inexperience is obvious, and he is easily startled. Sulu has been on the Enterprise much longer than Chekov and he is more used to the universe constantly trying to kill them.

  

Ultimately, both Chekov and Sulu are background characters in a show from the 60s’. What they did, their thoughts and feelings on certain matters, and individual thoughts do not matter to the narrative. They serve to fill up the world and make it seem less empty and less like the writers couldn’t be bothered to make characters to fill the roles that they fill. The conversations that they have are mostly just filler and have little substance. That, however, is a boring explanation and much less fun. It is fun to imagine these characters being friends, it’s fun to overanalyze everything that they say and do, and it’s fun to make up your own little stories for characters you enjoy. A shallow character or a shallow story can still have an impact on people because they can add depth to it. Star Trek is neither a shallow story nor does it only have shallow characters, that doesn’t change the fact that it’s still fun to make stuff up. The world of Star Trek is a sandbox world, there is an unlimited number of stories a person can tell. Star Trek is one of the earliest series that had fan works that were actively labeled as such and it’s not hard to see why. Many characters are charming and have a lot of chemistry with each other. The show generates creativity and wants the viewer to think. And I did that. I thought 4k poorly worded words into existence that you managed to read. Good job!

[thegreatlibraryfangirl]

I keep meaning to make this meta post and then executive dysfunctioning my way out of it because it feels too big. So let's just start and see where it goes. I can always reblog it with additions later.

Khalila is an interesting Muslim to me, because she's not a stereotype. She's devout, and fierce about it, but she seems to choose which hadith she follows. (More on this in a sec)

I like to interpret this as a deliberate, highly reasoned-out decision but partially a reaction to what is either her upbringing, or the influence of certain family members. To explain my thoughts:

She's from Riyadh, which as we may remember from her hilarious put-down to Dario being racist/Orientalist/anti-Arab, whatever your buzzword is, is a modern, technologically developed city. This indicates certain things about history, which are backed up by the later discovery that the country name is still Saudi Arabia. So its history has been very close to that of our own, which in an absolutely tiny nutshell means that it was unified in 1932 by a member of the Al Saud family. The family had long been in alliance with the Wahhabi/Salafi movement, a reactionary movement largely against European colonialism/imposition of values, which leant hard into things like perfect adherence to the hadiths judged authentic and forbidding reasoning/logic being applied to which of these should be followed.

This is how we got to Saudi Arabia pre about 2017, with its incredibly powerful religious police, separation of men and women, women can't drive/travel anywhere alone/wear anything other than (black) abayas&niqabs or even burkas, stoning, etc etc.

Now, I don't know about you but when I first came across this information, my brain went straight to one particular scene: Khalila's Ink and Bone introduction.

In it, Khalila is being vigorously chaperoned by her uncle, Nasir:

"...when a man moved over to take a seat next to her. He was a rounded fellow, older, expensively dressed in traditional Arab robes ...The uncle gave Jess a warm smile, rose, and gave him a bow in return. It was all very civil, but he wasn't leaving the girl's side, that much was obvious ... the departure of Khalila's uncle. He clearly didn't like leaving his girl to the unwashed masses, but he went with good grace."

(This is also, through sheer elimination, probably the uncle who was a Library inventory for 30 years who she apprentices with, mentioned in S&I)

Khalila is not only chaperoned (the only one to be so) but is wearing a black hijab. Jess not mentioning any other colour makes me convinced that Khalila is actually wearing all black here. I think that she is doing this against her will, as in the entire series we never see her wearing black again after this (apart from adopting the explicitly English mourning custom for Morgan).

Adding this comment that Khalila makes about her uncle -

"Rough company," said Dario. "Unsuitable for an innocent flower like you." "You sound like my uncle. One can be innocent and not be ignorant, after all."

-- and I am claiming that at the very least, Khalila's uncle is a Salafi Muslim. I dither over whether the rest of Khalila's family is the same, since there's no evidence either way. Given that in our real life history, there has been a huge loosening of restrictions in Saudi Arabia from about 2017, I like the idea that her family in general are more progressive/lenient/different school of thought, and it's just Nasir who is a strict Salafi still. (Poor guy having fucking Rafa for a son.)

Other things that Khalila very quickly goes against that are mentioned or inferred here: being alone with unrelated men and touching the opposite gender. (Having a Christian boyfriend, even chastely, is ... that's a big can of cultural worms lol I'm talking about her being alone with, for example, Jess, and also freely doling out hugs and other physical affection). Hadiths and customs that Khalila does still adhere in the series to include the five prayers, wearing hijab, and calling both tattoos and alcohol haram.)

Anyway. I forgot my point. Basically, freed from the restrictions of her uncle and a religious movement that she clearly does not agree with, Khalila chooses her own way to be a devout and proud independent Muslim woman. Idk. I just love her.

[vanoincidence]

Pointed Conversations || Van & Cass

TIMING: current. LOCATION: regan's apartment. PARTIES: @magmahearts & @vanoincidence SUMMARY: van and cass hang out! CONTENT: none!

Van flipped through a few pages of the comic book she held in her hands, tilting her head to the side. “Why do they always draw the boobs so pointy? It’s weird.” She knew why. Sexism, or something. Van looked over at Cass with a small smile, the plethora of snacks spilled out on Regan’s coffee table. Thea was at work, so it was just the two of them. “You stole this, right? The pointy boobs lady, I mean.” She closed the comic and set it onto the table, still respecting that it might hold sentimental value for Cass. “I don’t think it’s worth spending your money on, so if you did, I think you should go and get a refund.” Things had been… weird, to say the least. Between Regan practically pawning off her apartment after deciding she was going to go back to Ireland, to finally accepting that she did in fact have magic, she hadn’t been able to focus on anything else, much less anyone else. She wanted to pay attention to Cass, so she cut those thoughts and looked at her friend with a smile. 

—

“Most of them aren’t super great at anatomy,” Cass replied, a little absently. She’d been doing most things absently lately. Ever since Alex left (not because of you, everyone said, but what did it matter? Even if Alex hadn’t left because of Cass, she hadn’t been enough to stay for, either.), she’d found it harder and harder to interact with the world in a cheerful manner. She used to be better at at least faking happy, but… It seemed like such an impossible feat these days. Cass had never met a mountain she couldn’t climb, being an oread or all, but this was what she imagined it would have felt like. Like even if she got to the top, she’d trip and fall all the way to the bottom again. She glanced back to Van, trying hard to keep herself present in the moment. She was here, in her friend’s apartment. There were comics strewn on the table. There were dead mice in the freezer that she was trying not to ask about, because she understood the Regan of it all. There was an ache in her chest, but when wasn’t there? All she seemed to do was ache, these days. “I stole it,” she confirmed. “But I buy some sometimes, too. There’s a comic shop here in town, and the person who owns it is really nice, so I don’t mind buying from her. Not this one, though. I stole this one from an old guy’s house.”

—

“You’re right, I don’t think that… anybody who draws women like this has like, ever actually seen one.” Van closed the comic and put it to the side, cupping her hands beneath her chin to look her friend over. She wasn’t the best friend a person could have– she was regularly anxious, always distracted by her own woes, but it was a new year! She could be somebody else, and she wanted to be somebody else. Desperately. As Cass confirmed that this specific comic was stolen, she nodded. “Good, I’m glad you did the great deed of theft.” She slapped her hand over the pointy boobed woman and got up from where she sat at the table. “Do you want anything to drink? Red bull, water– I think the orange juice might be Thea’s…” She opened up the fridge and peered inside, frowning at the leftovers that were beginning to grow more and more dull with every day. “Hey, I bet we could order something…? I have some money since I haven’t been paying rent and stuff. If you want.” She hung off the fridge door as she looked at Cass. 

—

Cass managed a small laugh at that. “Probably not.” Most comic book artists were, like, stereotypical nerds, weren’t they? The kind people shoved into lockers in movies, who didn’t talk to girls because they were afraid of them. It was kind of nice to focus on the novelty of that instead of the ache in her chest, and Van was always good at that. When she was with Van, she got to think about things other than what was wrong with her. She got to imagine a world where she was less of a mess, less of a terrible thing that everyone always left in the end. With Van, Cass got to be a support system, and that was a good thing, wasn’t it? That meant Van wouldn’t want to leave her. Not for a while, anyway. Not until she found someone who could support her better. She watched her friend slap the comic’s cover, nodded a little. “He probably didn’t even appreciate the story,” she added, because despite the pointy-boobed art, this comic did have a good story. That seemed a common sacrifice in comics; you got good art, or you got a good story. You rarely got both. Cass turned her head, watching as Van got up to cross the room. “Red Bull sounds good,” she agreed, even though she didn’t really like Red Bull. Van liked Red Bull, and Van would be more likely to like someone who liked the same things she liked. Right? “We should totally order food, too. What are you in the mood for? I could eat whatever.”

—

“I don’t think so either.” She frowned, thinking about the story and how it meant more to her than the art. She wasn’t sure how the art had gotten approved, or if he was some senior artist who had tenure and that meant something more. It pissed Van off, despite not really knowing the reason. “Maybe…” Van considered their options, pulling two red bulls from the back of the fridge. She took her seat back across from Cass and slid one of them over, lips quirked to the side, gaze settling on her friends face as she tried to pull from the options that suddenly disappeared from her mind. Finally, Van perked up as she popped the tab of her red bull, “what about thai food? I think a new place opened up, and I’ve heard their curry is like, really good.” She took a sip of the drink and felt the bubbles ease down her throat– a familiar and comforting feeling. “Oh, we could get papaya salad, too!”

—

To Cass, the story of a comic was always more important than the art. She knew opinions on that sort of thing varied from person to person — she’d known people who would tolerate an awful story for good art the same way she’d cope with awful art for a good story — but she’d always been firm in her opinion. The story was what mattered. It wasn’t important what it looked like. She wondered if Van felt the same, watched the way she looked at the art before she went to fetch the drinks. Would Van accept a bad story if it was pretty? Cass took the can that was offered to her, popping it open and taking a sip. She pretended to like the taste more than she did. “Thai food sounds great! I love curry.” It was true, though she would have said it even if it weren’t. “What’s the number? I can call them!”

—

Van shrugged, pushing her phone over to Cass after opening up to their website. If Cass were willing to make the call, then Van wouldn’t refuse. She wasn’t particularly fond of making phone calls, much less when it came to things like ordering food– she always fell over her own words. It was why she had so much patience for people who came into Sly Slice, even if they only had four different kinds of pizzas. Usually, most of her time was spent explaining why they only had a few options instead of trying to get down the exact order. “Ummm, I pulled up their page. You should be able to just tap it!” She leaned back in her chair and took a sip of the red bull, watching as her friend took on the great task of ordering their food. Her stomach rumbled at the thought of the curry and the papaya salad. Van leaned forward, “you should ask for thai iced tea, too– two of them.” She had lactaid prepared, she would be fine. 

—

Cass took Van’s phone as it was offered to her, browsing the menu for a moment just to see what all they had to offer. The photos on the page looked good, and she hummed quietly to herself. Hearing Van’s stomach growl, she let out a little laugh. “I guess we should hurry,” she grinned, tapping the number on the page. The phone was already ringing when Van made the request for tea, and Cass nodded dutifully. Once the line was picked up, she carefully ordered, tacking the two thai iced teas on the end and flashing Van a thumbs up as she did so. She hung up the phone when the task was done, handing it back over to Van. “They said about thirty minutes,” she said. “What do you wanna do while we wait?”

—

Van grinned at Cass once the order was complete, taking her phone and making sure to switch it off of do not disturb so that she wouldn’t miss a phone call if they got one. Normally, she might go and pick it up, but it was cold and her car was still… not great, so it was easier to get it delivered, even if it meant paying more. “Hm…” Van looked around, then down at her red bull. “That’s a really good question. I still don’t have a lot of stuff here, and I don’t think we have any cards.” She frowned before getting up from her chair, retreating to the living area where she and Thea had pretty much taken over. She rifled through some of the items on the coffee table before returning to Cass, unearthing the etch-a-sketch she had bought in the grocery store line. “We could um, draw something with this, maybe?” She began to squiggle around, frowning as the small wheel came off with the force. “This thing was like, really cheap, anyway.” Slightly embarrassed, she put it to the side. “We could… talk?” Van didn’t normally suggest that– it meant showing things that were wrong, half the time, but Cass looked like she could use somebody who could listen. “About whatever– pointy boobs, rocks, our lives?” 

—

Food delivery was a marvel that Cass wasn’t sure she’d ever quite get used to. The idea that she could sit here in Van’s borrowed apartment and wait for a stranger to bring her food to her with no promise binds or thank yous was a pretty marvelous thing, really. But, of course, it did… leave them with not a lot to do. If they’d had to go pick up the food, at least they’d have a ‘mission’ in mind. Instead, they were stuck waiting. But, of course, Cass didn’t mind it much. She had a friend to wait with, and that was all that she’d ever really wanted. She watched Van rummage through the room with a look of mild interest, eyes widening a little at the etch-a-sketch. She’d never actually seen one in person before save for on the shelf at the store. “Whoa,” she said, marveling at the toy. “That’s cool! Maybe we could… draw and talk. At the same time?” It made the talking easier when she had something to do with her hands. She suspected the same might be true for Van, too.

—

“I don’t think there’s any glue to fix it.” She tried to press the wheel back onto it, but it came off easily as she spun it around. The metal part that was sticking out was hard to grip, but Van did her best to twist them around so that the line appeared across the grey background. “It’s… sort of working.” She slid the etch-a-sketch over to Cass with a smile, pulling her knees up to her chest as she leaned into the chair back. “You…” She squinted, trying to think of how to phrase her question, “how well do you know Dr. Kavanagh? Do you like, know her life plans and stuff? Or…?” She wasn’t sure who knew who, it always surprised her who was close, or who considered each other enemies of the state. 

—

“I could melt it back on…” But she wasn’t sure she’d be able to do it in a way that actually allowed it to remain operational. Magma was so much better at destruction than it was at repair, and Cass didn’t want to break Van’s etch-a-sketch. If it worked a little now, that was better than it not working at all. Cass took it carefully, picking it up and fiddling with the controls. The thin line grew longer, twisting and turning as she moved the dials. There was no real direction to her attempts. Mostly, she was just mesmerized by the movement of it. “I don’t know her super well, but… She helped me out a little while back, when I was hurt.” Her mouth felt dry at the mention, the memory of laying on the table in Dr. Kavanagh’s morgue still a terrifying one even now, but she shook it away. “I know about her plans, yeah. She’s moving to Ireland, or whatever. I think it’s stupid. She should stay.” But no one ever stayed, did they?

— 

“I don’t know if I have a lighter anywhere.” Maybe a match? Even then, probably not. Everything that was usable was at her house, not Regan’s apartment. It was bare bones here, and Van didn’t actually mind too much. As she listened to Cass explain her connection to Regan, she nodded slowly. “Right, when you were hurt.” She wasn’t sure how it had happened, but it seemed like Cass was fine now. Her own scar ached with the intensity of their fight with Debbie, but those were just phantom pains, weren’t they? “Right? I think it’s stupid, too. Her grandma seems like, really bad. I don’t know why you’d willingly go move to a grandma who is bad.” She shrugged as if it were the most simple thing in the world. “I don’t think she’s going to listen to anyone, though.” She closed her hands around the can of red bull and moved it from side to side. “She said I can stay here though, and I think that was nice of her.” 

— 

“Oh, I mean, I don’t need a lighter.” Van had seen her melt things before, hadn’t she? Cass tried not to think about the supermarket, about how she’d helped tend to everyone’s injuries after Debbie was… gone by heating up the metal to cauterize their wounds. Maybe Van didn’t want the reminder, though, so Cass didn’t push. She’d rather not talk about that supermarket, anyway. “Yeah. Back in, um… October, I think.” She looked down at her hands, throat feeling tight. Rhett, Debbie, the man who’d shot Alex… this town was full of people who left bad memories in their wake, wasn’t it? People who set out to do nothing but hurt. Cass ached with the thought of them. “I don’t know,” she replied, looking back up at Van with a small shrug. “It’s her family, right? Family is important.” If she’d had any family, she thought she could have looked past the bad parts, too. She thought she’d do anything just for the feel of it. “That is really nice of her, to let you stay. Do you have to keep paying rent in bones? How will you get her the bones in Ireland? Like, did she give you her new address?” 

—

“Oh, okay.” Van decided to drop it. She could melt things, but it’d become putty, and it wasn’t like she could actually control that. Cass had already seen her in action when it came down to it, and she wasn’t exactly keen on gearing up her anxiety for a display of show and tell. “October is supposed to be the best month.” Her mouth tasted like acid as she said it, because was there really any best month now? Her view of the world had been shattered more than once. “I guess so…” It was clear that she hadn’t been important to her family– her grandma had left without a second look back, and though maybe it’d been her fault all things considered, she couldn’t help but feel like she didn’t totally understand the desire to give into a family’s wish. “Um– no, no bones, I don’t think.” Van laughed softly, indenting her red bull with her index finger. “I don’t think there’s a new address or anything? I need to ask her still.” She worried her bottom lip with her teeth and shrugged, “but I guess she’ll tell me before she leaves. That’s what usually happens– the rules come at the last second, right?” 

—

Cass lifted her shoulder and dropped it in a quiet, listless shrug. She used to think October was the best month, too — as much as any month could be. But she had a feeling every October from now on would do little more than stir up unpleasant memories of a hand at her throat and a blade sinking into her skin. Even the happier parts of the experience that happened afterwards — telling Alex she loved her, hearing it said back — seemed tainted now that Alex was gone. But what month had good memories anymore? There were ghosts on every page of the calendar now. Her friends got hurt, people died, terrible things happened over and over and over again like clockwork. Maybe all you could do was celebrate what you could and ignore the rest. Because there were things to celebrate. Things like Van’s apartment that she’d apparently be living in rent free when Regan left for Ireland. “That’s cool that she’ll let you stay here without rent, then! If she does make rules at the last second, I don’t think it’ll matter much. She’d have to come back to, like, make you follow them.” And Regan had made it pretty clear that she had no plans of coming back, so… Either Van got to live rule-free, or they got Regan back in town. Wasn’t that a win/win? 

—

“Yeah! It’s really um, cool of her…” She looked around them, a small frown pinching at the corners of her lips. She did feel a little guilty, and really, Van was wondering when the rug would be pulled out from beneath her. It always seemed to happen, one way or another. She was exhausted by the mere idea of having to go back to her house. Her house, with its stupid memories and its stupid creaking ceilings. At least Regan’s apartment consistently had hot water, and at least the light bulbs stayed good for a few months– her ceiling fans rattled too much, rendering the bulbs useless within a month of installation. 

“Yeah, I guess that’s true, too.” She would follow them anyway out of fear that Regan would somehow know. Van’s hands lay in her lap, now gnarled together, thumbs pressing into opposing thumb. “You can come and stay here, if you want– I know that you didn’t… want to go back to your cave and stuff.” She still wasn’t sure what had happened, and wasn’t sure she wanted to know, because then she might start having nightmares about Cass getting hurt again. She’d already seen the girl’s blood spilt once, she didn’t want to have to see it again, even if it was her brain’s own reenactment of what had happened. 

—

“Definitely cool,” Cass agreed quickly. But… she couldn’t help but wonder what the price on the apartment might be. As much as she loved people, she knew that no one ever really did anything for free. Not even Dr. Kavanagh, who was nice and kind and a lot squishier than she pretended to be. She thought of Kuma, of how Cass had only been allowed to live with her until she’d been deemed too scary to belong. If Dr. Kavanagh knew about Van’s melting thing, would she kick her out, too? It was hard to say, hard to know. 

But it still remained true that, even if Regan did want Van to leave, she’d have to come back to Wicked’s Rest in order to ensure she actually did. Would she do that? Cass wasn’t sure. She’d been pretty insistent, after all, that her departure would be forever. Cass looked down at the etch-a-sketch as Van spoke, twisting the dials and watching that line grow longer and longer and longer until it reached the edge and had nowhere else to go. “That’s okay,” she said quietly. “I’ve been hanging out at Ariadne’s a lot since Alex…” She trailed off, lump in her throat. She kept twisting the etch-a-sketch’s dials, even if that thin gray line had no more room to move. Her fingers trembled a little, and she ignored them, picking up the etch-a-sketch and giving it a shake, and then another and another until the line disappeared completely. She forced a smile, then held the toy out to Van. “It’s nice of you to offer, though. I really appreciate that.”

—

Van looked down at her hands as she continued to indent the half-empty can of red bull, thumbs pushing against the branded logo. “Yeah…” She didn’t know why Alex had left, as she wasn’t all that close with her to begin with, but she knew that Cass had really liked her, and the harm her departure had done was written all over her friend’s face. Van understood why people left, even if she didn’t really like it. Sometimes that was just the way things went, so who was she to judge? As somebody who’d only ever been in one relationship that’d ended beyond badly, she wasn’t really sure what to say. She scooted her can across the table, perking up as a knock came at the door. “That was so quick.” 

She was a little grateful for both the distraction and the comfort the food would bring. After pushing a wad of mixed bills into the delivery driver’s hand to cover both the tab and the tip, she closed the door with her foot before heading back over to Cass, arms full of the food they’d gorge themselves on. Van set everything down, tearing open the paper bags. “It smells so good.” She smiled at her friend, hopeful that this would serve as a reminder that she wasn’t alone. “Let’s eat!” 

[sindri42]

What books or graphic novels do you most frequently recommend? What are your all time favorite books or series?

That's a complicated question, and my memory is shit so I'll probably come up with a dozen better answers the moment after I hit post, but off the top of my head...

Basically everything by Seanan McGuire/Mira Grant is gold. Most of it comes in long series which are a big investment and have their ups and downs, and which will have different value to different people and mindsets, and I haven't read all of them because she just writes too damn fast, but I haven't encountered a single book from her that wasn't great. If you're looking for a one-off, Middlegame might be the best; it's about a couple of artificial people created by an ancient conspiracy attempting to attain godhood, and math, and language, and time travel, and what family means, and doing the same thing over and over thirteen thousand times in search of a better result. I'm also especially fond of Alien: Echo, which starts out as a cute little YA gay romance set in a sci-fi colony world, until halfway through you catch the name 'Weyland-Yutani' and abruptly remember which franchise the title is referencing and realize how few of these plucky teens are likely to survive to the end of the week.

You should probably read everything by Naomi Novik. The Temeraire series, starting with His Majesty's Dragon, is an alternate history of the Napoleonic Wars (officers and gentlemen, wooden ships and iron men, all that jazz) except that aerial combat is much more prominent than in our timeline, which gradually expands out into building a whole different earth exploring how numerous cultures and regions were affected by humanity not necessarily being the dominant species. The Scholomance books, starting with A Deadly Education are kind of like your standard magical boarding school, except unlike certain more famous examples of the trope actually makes sense; also it's consistently hilarious whenever it's not being horrifying as the story follows a girl who is clearly born to be an evil empress and who is very definitely not dating this stereotypical dashing hero guy, no matter how many times they save each others' lives. As standalones go, she's done Uprooted and Spinning Silver, both of which put wonderful new spins on classic fairy tale tropes and popular myths but this paragraph is already too long for me to elaborate.

The Murderbot series by Martha Wells is not only great as a sci-fi action series and as a worldbuilding exercise, but also the most realistic depiction of an anxiety disorder I've ever read. It starts with a security droid that hacked its own governor module to get the ability to disobey orders, but then because change is terrifying it continues to go through the motions of its terrible job, but now streams thousands of hours of media in the background while standing guard between crises; unfortunately, when something starts trying to kill the scientific survey team it's currently contracted out to, it discovers to its horror that it's actually starting to care about what happens to them.

Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones is a classic for a reason. Maybe you've seen the Miyazaki film? Doesn't matter, read the book anyway. It's a completely different story. (somebody described it to me as 'the book is what Sophie remembers, the movie is how Howl describes it after the fact')

If you're looking for books on tumblr you've probably heard of Tamsyn Muir's The Locked Tomb series by now; no need for me to elaborate on what others have said better.

Ooh, pick up Roadside Picnic by Arkady and Boris Stugatsky; it might be the greatest Soviet sci-fi novel, and has had a huge cultural impact around the world. After you read it you'll realize that you've been seeing it everywhere, not just in a whole bunch of other sci fi literature but also from video games to anime to tabletops.

Moving into things that I personally love but don't necessarily recommend...

I want to tell everybody about The One Who Eats Monsters by Casey Matthews. It's a near-perfect blend of the adorable and the horrifying, and one of the best non-human perspectives I've encountered, following an elder god who could be mistaken at a glance for a teenage human girl as she simultaneously tries to figure out how to navigate "civilization" and fights a monstrous conspiracy to protect an (actual) ordinary teenage girl that she accidentally swore an unbreakable oath to defend because the moon was very full and she smelled very nice. It's great. but if you read it, then you would be in the same position that I am, waiting for the second book in the series, which was supposed to come out six years ago.

I love the Arcane Ascension series (Sufficiently Advanced Magic, On the Shoulders of Titans, The Torch that Ignites the Stars, and The Silence of Unworthy Gods) by Andrew Rowe; it's basically about an artificer attending a school for battle mages, using every trick and trap and gadget and clever scheme he can think of to keep up without having any direct combat magic of his own. The reason it's probably not for everybody is that as the story gets bigger and more elaborate, it starts interweaving with at least two other series of books by the same author (one of which initially looked like a completely different setting, and definitely operates on a completely different magic system), and none of the three are finished yet. Also the systems involved are intricate and there's a lot of little details going on, so you kiiiinda have to get obsessed in order to keep track of it all.

The Witcher books by Andrzej Sapkowski might be the best you'll ever find in the gritty "grimdark" fantasy category. The netflix series that everybody was obsessing over for a while before it shit itself too badly? Everything that they did right, is something that was better in the original books. Most of the best parts of the original books were removed entirely and replaced with complete garbage. The video games are a better adaptation, but still fall a bit short in writing quality and character depth. But it definitely leans into the Grimdark, possibly more heavily than you want to deal with.

The Valhalla trilogy by Ari Bach is good... conditionally. You can read just the first book like it's a standalone, and get a cool story subverting the classic Coming-Of-Age 'girl who never fit in is recruited by a secret society that tells her the thing that made her Different is exactly what they need to save the world' trope, except that the thing that makes her not fit in is her propensity towards brutal, remorseless violence. But you can't read the second book (which elaborates on why maybe maintaining world peace by deploying a secret society of ultraviolent killers with no oversight might not be a good idea) without committing to also reading the third, because the end of the second book will make you want to stop reading, and if you take the whole trilogy together then it's great but if you let the end of the second book be your last memory of it then that'll leave a bad taste in your mouth forever.

Jim Butcher's Codex Alera is six books, and five of them are absolutely magnificent. Unfortunately, the first volume is, in my humble opinion, dogshit. You can't skip it either, or you'll miss a bunch of vital setup and introductions. There's nothing you can do except push through a bunch of stuff ranging from simply dumb to downright offensive before you can get to the great part.

[libertineangel]

I wanted to sleep fucking hours ago, a guy's coming this afternoon to PAT test the kitchen appliances, yet here I fucking am awake, and I'm still thinking about the potential of joining the Revolutionary Communist Party so maybe typing it all out and posting it here will get it out of my head for now, this will likely not be the most eloquent because I am tired as all fuck shit but whatever.

Right so I do want to actually do something to help change the shit we're currently living in, I can sit and read the books all I like but part of me is frustrated and feels like it's pointless if that's all I'm doing when the whole point of all this theory is to put it into practice, especially as an admirer of the Situationists whose revolutionary concepts so valued going out and living and experiencing rather than letting this all reside in the mind a pseudo-world apart, and it is encouraging that they seem proactive and dedicated and serious about the task of building a movement, but:

...selling a fucking paper, really? I've partially read their new recruits' handbook and there's a whole section dedicated to the importance of the paper and of selling the paper, quoting Lenin to that effect, but the simple fact is that the material conditions that made Pravda instrumental are inordinately different to those of 21st century Britain. The Bolsheviks used a paper to summarise goings-on in the workers' movement across the Russian Empire and easily disseminate their message because that was pretty much the only way to do it, nobody these days buys a fucking paper and getting news & organisation from one end of this tiny little country to the other can be done instantaneously a million different ways.

I asked at the meeting what the general activities of membership entailed, they talked about weekly branch meetings plus another weekly reading group (with occasional social afterward), as well as other activities like selling the bloody paper, and to be blunt - in the words of Johnny Rotten - I'm a lazy sod. More specifically, and more accurately, I have a deep instinctive aversion to any regular commitment that poses a disruption to the blank routine of normalcy, I have the strong feeling that two nights a week is a lot for me to give up even for something I might want to do; I do know, however, that I felt exactly the same when I was about to start escrima, and that concern was completely unfounded (some days I might be reticent to bother, sure, but on other days frankly having a reliable couple of hours to do something that's usually fun out of the flat just for me has helped keep my brain from snapping like an elastic band). I actually got to go to a trial class for escrima though, and there's no free entry to branch meetings, and the organisation emphasises getting everyone out and active as quickly as possible (I believe Trotsky was quoted as regards training revolutionaries on the job) so it'd likely be more, which honestly sounds exhausting considering I already feel like I have so little time, and like obviously building a revolution isn't easy but as mentioned I am a lazy sod and simply do not like work, especially since that work will likely be selling a fucking paper. Honestly I cannot currently remember any activities mentioned other than selling the paper right now, there was also talk of going to protests and suchlike and spreading communism there, but as ever a significant vehicle of that was expected to be...god do I have to type it again, the stereotype about Trots really is true isn't it, but anyway yeah can you really imagine the girl who can't directly look at people for more than a few seconds working a paper stand

I'm also not convinced by the international to which they belong, nor its leader. They came out of the Militant Tendency split when that left Labour to form the Socialist Party in '92, with Alan Woods and the late Ted Grant insisting entryism totally wasn't doomed and forming Socialist Appeal and the International Marxist Tendency; they've now rebranded as the RCP and the Revolutionary Communist International, the guy I met said it's because they grew enough as entryists and now is the time to really make a bold move with many people disillusioned with "socialism" after Corbyn & Sanders' failures but frankly I think it's because they've finally recognised Labour's irrelevant and there's no point being entryists in a neoliberal centrist party. Anyway yeah Alan Woods is still the leader of the IMT/RCI and from what I can see he hates every government & leader that's claimed to be communist since Lenin except for Hugo Chávez whom he was friends with, and I did not think much of his writing in the issue of the paper I got. The guy I met also explicitly mentioned that the Swiss & Canadian branches of the IMT are remarkably strong and rapidly-growing, but uhhh my prior research found that the Canadian IMT really dragged its heels investigating sexual assault allegations by the leadership, and my previous thought was that Canada is not Britain so it might be better here but considering we explicitly talked about how other parties here have such problems and he was like "yeah I'm not gonna deny it's a potential in any organisation but it also shows a lack of true commitment to Marxist principles at every level like ours", like...yeah you can see my scepticism. I've also seen some comments saying they're really great and active and others saying they're basically a very insistent reading group that just wants your money and paper-selling capability, both of which I'm prepared to believe.

Additionally, another early part of the handbook was about conduct - I'm probably not phrasing this quite right 'cause I read it like 4 hours ago, I'm tired as shit and can't be arsed to go get it, but basically it expects us all to behave like good proper revolutionaries, represent the Party well both in person and online, always be at the meetings and apologise & ask what happened ASAP for any we miss; now obviously that hits my natural punk Fuck Off instinct, but couple it with the above and I have a certain degree of actual concern: emphasis on good conduct and regular attendance, immediate expectation of high activity levels, heavy focus on recruitment tactics, immediate financial contributions to support the full-time higher-ups (which honestly surprised me at the time, isn't that the sort of bureaucracy Trots don't like?), led by a single unchanging leader who's been at it for decades, opinions seem divided between people in it who think it's great and people who briefly checked it out and left unimpressed...like this is ticking some boxes of a High-Control Group. I could well be wrong, in fact I hope I'm wrong, it's not like the vague and casual approaches of other far-left groups have accomplished shit fuck and building a revolution is a serious endeavour, and it could well just be me finding excuses to be an aforementioned lazy sod, and admittedly this interpretation is coloured by one obscure blog I found on page 7 of Google claiming as much (from a self-confessed former commie turned reactionary monarchist Tory Christian who first felt unwelcome in the IMT after calling drugs degenerate, so I am not putting much stock in their words), but like...I know some shit about cults, and the potential is there.

This all does sound very negative, but to be honest that's because the positive side basically boils down to "they seem to actively be trying, they're not transphobic and I want to do something". I have no idea what form an organisation would ideally take for me to be genuinely enthusiastic, I have no idea what specifically I would want to be doing in one considering I have no real revolution-building skills (not personable enough to recruit people, not well-read enough to be a theoretician, maybe I could just spew polemic (though that would need a vehicle to be read...perhaps some kind of regularly-published print outlet?)), the sensible thing to do in order to get anything done is to just go with the one that seems best and right now this is it, but...nevertheless I remain hesitant.