#you have no idea the kind of stress and anxiety you're removing when you do so

[iamnotawomanimagod]

sometimes seemingly small shit will stick with you forever. when I was a teenager, my parents were drunk all the time and neither could nor would give me rides to places I wanted to go. so if I wanted to go see friends, do an after-school activity, or get a part-time job, I had to rely on the kindness of my friends/acquaintances (or, in reality, their parents) to be able to leave my house. and I hated being at home, because of the aforementioned constant drunkenness of my parents.

I'm 31. it's been almost 15 years since I've been in that situation. if I get stuck somewhere, I can call my husband. worst case, I have a cell phone and money and I could do a rideshare. more importantly, I drive now and I have my own car. I'm never stuck anywhere. I don't have to rely on the kindness of people who aren't responsible for my well-being. I'm safe, I'm safe, I'm safe.

and yet one of my most frequent stress dreams is being stuck somewhere. not having a ride home. having to walk in the dark and cold after school. being stuck with drunk people and having no escape. getting lost by taking the bus.

my parents were pretty shitty, but even still, I have to wonder - if they knew then that I'd still be having nightmares about this in my 30s, would they have tried harder? could they have? I don't know. addiction is a monster and addicts often make for shitty parents.

I just wish I could go back in time and give myself a ride. I guess I can do that now. but that doesn't stop the nightmares.

[dreadsuitsamus]

May I request sfw prompt #39 and nsfw prompt #53 for Gohan where he falls in love with the reader after they have a one night stand but she's initially cold to him because she had been hurt in the past?

#39- "why are you scared of loving?"

#53- "you're more than just a one night stand"

author's note: this has been in my inbox since january of 2023 💀 but i have finally found my inspiration to get it done! there's no explicit smut but there are some nsfw mentions. this is also written as a prequel to my story protect!

pairing: gohan x fem!reader

warnings: talks of a past abusive relationship, mentions of reader's ptsd, nsfw mentions

A sigh quells the silence in your room as you dress after a shower. While not at the lowest point in your life, you're still not far from rock bottom. Living with your mother again, only a year and a half removed from that day your ex beat you to a pulp and left with all your money and all of the problems of his absence are still keeping you from flourishing. Ruined credit score from a broken apartment lease, incalculable debt from the hospital bills that your insurance refused to cover, and frequent nightmares of him coming back to finish destroying you into nothing give you constant anxiety and each day is a new struggle.

Safe to say, you haven't really been okay.

You glance at your phone with shame, nervous for when the inevitable text comes from a man that's far too sweet and far too good for you to deserve you skipping out on him in the middle of the night following the mistake of a one night stand. You met Gohan through a friend, and he offered to guide you through ridding yourself of the medical debts and this is what you've done to repay him. Hook up with him and then run for the hills the second he was asleep.

You close your eyes to calm yourself, centering again before the bad feelings of anxiety and depression can come creeping up your spine. Gohan knows about your past, and he's a grown man. Surely one as attractive as him has a few notches on his bedpost and would understand your absence.

But the way he looked at you last night, like you were heaven-sent and perfect has you doubting such an idea. Son Gohan could be a man like that if he wanted, but your heart and your mind alike know that's not who he is. He's a pure, old fashioned good boy. He wouldn't have slept with you if he didn't romantically like you to some extent…

And you certainly wouldn't have slept with him if you didn't want to reciprocate so badly it makes your chest ache with all of the want you harbor. To have a man love you, truly, and treat you as you deserve has been on your mind for years, well before your former boyfriend finally left you. But you had that kind of hope in Tyler, at first. He was kind, he was sweet and attentive… Though it only took moving in together for his true colors to show. Lying, cheating, stealing—  That's who your ex was after all.

Your heart can't take that chance again.

You hang your towel on the back of your door, gazing at nothing in particular as you settle onto your bed. For the last few years it's as if you've had so much to plague your mind that you can't think of a single thing. It's strange to feel so empty, just entirely devoid of direction or purpose. You've got yet another set of paperwork to fill out for your medical debt, and then a few job applications as well that hopefully will last longer than a handful of months— all of these places only hiring you on as a temp is a god awful look on your résumé.

Your old laptop awaits, but you can do little more than flop back against your pillows and close your eyes. The war in your mind is something you're used to, but the usual stress on your body is gone.

You bite down on your lip as you remember the way Gohan touched you. The way he lit you up with his lips on yours, how gentle he was with your body and feelings, offering to stop or slow down— even when you were on the cusp of orgasm! He's a perfect sexual partner, and if it wasn't for how damn sweet he is you may have even thought to make it a routine thing.

You drift off to a blissful sleep that's heavy enough for you to miss that dreaded text.

I hope you made it home safely.

Gohan absentmindedly worries his lip between his perfect teeth, typing in a frenzy as he shoots back an email to the hospital that wracked you up with an inhumane amount of debt. He's got plenty to get done today, mostly for his actual job, but he just won't allow himself a moment to make any progress until these firmly-worded emails get the message across: you will not be paying them hundreds of thousands of dollars for fighting for your life!!

The huff he lets out after sending his email doesn't ease the anxiety that's been bubbling in his chest all morning. When you came over last night to work on a résumé, Gohan had absolutely no intention of sleeping with you. You're a woman in a bind and he's here to help, that's all! Disgust crawls over his skin anyway, shame buzzing his insides as he remembers everything that led to your passionate hookup.

You smelled so nice and looked just so damn pretty… He just wanted to sit a little bit closer, that's all. But then you looked up at him (and he'll die on the hill that you batted your lashes at him!) and he was nothing but a fool for you then. He doesn't know who leaned in first or who started what, but he certainly only had the mind to end it after it was too late to stop and he was balls deep.

A shudder wracks Gohan's body as he remembers the feeling of slipping inside of you. Even with a condom on, he could feel the heat and the wetness of your silky walls as they gripped his lonely shaft and sucked him in for as many inches as he had to give. And thank goodness he even had a condom on hand, all thanks to the people fundraising outside of the grocery store that included them in their donation goodie bag!

You were so sweet beneath him, so pliable and warm and perfect. He feels his cock stir in his pants, jumpy at the memory and unfortunately eager to experience such a lovely time again. Alas, you've been through quite a lot, and he shouldn't get his hopes up for anything like that.

You walking out on him last night already dashed his hopes anyway.

It wasn't exactly surprising to wake up alone, though it did sting all the same. You're just so amazing and kind and beautiful… Gohan would have to be a real piece of work not to see how special you are. Only a waste of space like your ex could be blind to everything that you are.

Gohan checks his phone for what feels like the thousandth time, no text message back from you. He's starting to worry now, which isn't good for his nails that he habitually bites when stressed. It'd probably do him well to go for a training session, but he also feels so frazzled as his blood races through his veins that training may not yield any productive results.

He pulls his glasses off and runs his large hands over his face, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes until he starts seeing stars. Blinking until the room clears, Gohan glances at his phone once again before standing with an indignant huff.

He's fine, all of this is fine. And fretting over nonsense won't make you text him back any faster. You need your space, and he's going to give it to you. No fussing required.

He does go make use of Vegeta's gravity room, though when the Saiyan himself shows up and he's left in the face of a full-blooded, battle-hungry Saiyan, he can't help but think that perhaps he should've stayed home.

At least he's not stuck with Vegeta in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber like Trunks was.

Gohan's text message remains unanswered, haunting you as you cook yourself dinner. You'll have to face him eventually, and soon, but what do you say? 'Thanks for the sex, it was great!'? No! Do you ignore it??

Do you have a choice?

Hooking up again isn't an option. Pursuing something more with him, something romantic and fulfilling, definitely isn't either. He's been a wonderful help to you and for absolutely nothing at all in return; you don't have any extra money to pay him anyway. The kindness of Gohan's heart isn't even something you can repay, not after what you've done to him. A sour feeling crosses your mouth, your appetite fading as your mind races.

He's a good man. Too good for where you're at in life, and there's always some kind of catch with nice guys. It's too risky, all of it. Will he demand more sex for more of his help, now that he's already gotten it once? You need his assistance to whittle down the medical bills— his stubborn insistence with insurance and the hospital itself is astounding, and runs deeper than anyone else you know. Left to your own devices, you'd have given up a long time ago.

He's not like that. The reminder scolds your terrible line of thinking. Gohan would never leverage your quality of life at all, let alone with the ultimatum of sex. He's not your ex, he's not a bad person in the slightest.

But you didn't know your ex was your ex at first either.

Your plate of eggs and toast nearly run cold by the time you've found it in you to send a response. Typing and erasing it several times over, you finally end up with a passable response message over twelve hours since his text to you in the first place.

I'm alright, thank you. Would you mind sending the copy of my résumé? I forgot to download it onto my laptop.

You are such a dick.

But the job applications are just sitting pretty without it right now, and you can't afford not to include the carefully-crafted résumé Gohan spent so much time on. He made it for you, it's literally yours, and the shitty little paycheck you got just a few days ago is already about gone. You're cold, and it'll surely throw him for a loop at minimum, but it's the best way to protect yourself.

"Chase a check, never chase a bitch." You murmur the cold lyric to yourself and bite into your dinner, waiting for Gohan's timely response. He's a busy man with a career of his own, but he always messages you back in mere minutes. He's a great multitasker like that, and you certainly aspire to be as efficient as he is.

Though you begin to doubt things when hours pass and there's no response. Ice slowly frosts your veins with every further minute that Gohan doesn't respond with your résumé; surely there's a good reason? He wouldn't have thrown it out or be the type to withhold it— your friend would never associate themselves with Gohan if he was like that, much less connect the two of you if he were the sort of man to manipulate things in such a way.

But the cold, paranoid dread doesn't let up even in the morning. Your phone has no notifications at all, and you even check the chat to make sure the message is sent. It has, and he's seen it.

Anger bubbling beneath the surface of your chest is overshadowed by the trembling of your bottom lip. How foolish could you be?? If there was ever going to be a hookup, you could've at least waited for your shit to be in order! Now it's all lost and you're on your own again, left to navigate debt that's threatening to swallow you whole and job-hunt in a market that doesn't want you.

Your mother's gone for work already as you begin your routine; your scheduled shift at work is a short one and not for several more hours, but to sit around and do nothing in the meantime will only spell certain doom. If you're given too much time to think, lord only knows what sort of outburst or meltdown you'll have. You're fresh out of the shower and part way through brushing your teeth when the doorbell rings, confusion etched to your features. You're not expecting anyone, though perhaps your mother has a package that needs signing for? Dropping your head, you quickly spit and rinse with mouthwash before jogging to open the door.

On the other side stands a damp man with crooked glasses, a dazed look in his eye and all the anger in you fizzles out. He's here. And the look on your face must scare him with the way his lip nearly trembles when he speaks.

“I am— I— Sorry!” Gohan stumbles over his words and you sigh softly as the trickle of relief siphons through the rest of your body. Gesturing him further in, Gohan slips off his shoes and hands over a folder.

“I got busy with my uncle,” Busy being a bit of an understatement; the moment Vegeta caught Gohan with his phone as he was reading your message and forced him right back into the gravity room for another training binge. “And I went as fast as I could to get this to you. I am so sorry about this.”

Your eyes soften and you carefully wipe a few suds from his hair. “I appreciate it… But you could've finished your shower first.”

Gazing up as if he can see the soap in his hair, Gohan’s cheeks redden as he laughs nervously. “Uh… S-Sorry.”

Reluctantly dropping your hand once you've fixed his glasses, you open the folder to find a physical copy of your résumé alongside a flash drive that presumably has another copy downloaded onto it. “Thank you.”

Sticking his hands in his pockets, Gohan bites his lip. “Um… Can we talk for a second?”

“A-About what?”

Oh no.

“I… Think you have an idea.” Gohan says softly. He can't leave it behind or anything unsaid; one night stands aren't his thing. “Listen… What happened between us was…”

“Sex. It was just sex.” You murmur, setting the folder down on the coffee table. “People have sex all the time… It happens.”

Hurt penetrates Gohan's chest. He knew you were jaded, knows exactly why and he does understand… It doesn't mean it can't hurt him. He likes you, appreciates your mind and admires your strength in a way that may have a bit to do with his Saiyan heritage. “Sure… Other people do that. But I don't. And… And for me, I…”

Tears start to well in your eyes. This man, this wonderful, caring, smart and lovely man is about to cross that line, isn't he? The one that can't be crossed again, the one that's going to end this friendship on a burned bridge and broken hearts. “Gohan, don't—”

“You're more than just a one night stand.” He says it anyway, taking your hands and holding them so warmly, protectively and securely. “To me, you are… Inspiring, and beautiful, and… And someone I really, really like. And that night was so great, and I was on top of the world until I woke up and you were gone.”

“I'm sorry.” You whisper, screwing your eyes shut tightly and ducking your head. You just can't stop messing up, can you? “It's not you, Gohan. You're a great man and there's a woman out there that will make you happy and take care of you.”

“The woman I want is right in front of me.” His hand comes to rest on your cheek, brushing away the salty tears that fall when you meet his gaze.

“Gohan… You don't want this. Do you know why I left that night?”

Gohan’s other hand comes to the other side of your face, cradling you like the daintiest china. “You had your reasons.”

Your hands come to his wrists, not tugging his touch away as you feel his warmth bloom within you, lighting you up in unfamiliar but pleasant ways, encouraging the leap of faith that your hopeful heart cries out for. “Because I get nightmares. Nightmares so bad that my momma has to come and wake me up almost every night and hold me to stop the panic attacks. I'm broken in so many ways Gohan…” Your lip trembles, and Gohan gently swipes his thumb just below the curve of it, mesmerized by every inch of you.

“If you only knew just how much I understand being broken…” Gohan whispers, his “eventful” childhood flashing through his mind from his kidnapping and all the way to his father's most recent death. “Then you would understand me more than anyone, and I’d get to understand you.”

“You don't want this.” You whisper again, and Gohan leans in for the softest, warmest kiss to your forehead. It clears the rain, just a bit, and you lean into it.

“Why are you so scared of loving me?” Gohan murmurs against your skin. “You've never said you don't want it… Me. Just that I won't want you, like you're a used car or something.”

You come to hide your face in his chest and he wraps you up tightly, his strong body anchoring you from your fears. “I'm afraid to get hurt again. When you didn't answer my message, I thought the worst of you! That you were some asshole that was only gonna help me if I kept sleeping with you! All because you didn't text me back. That's just the tip of the iceberg, Gohan!”

“Honey…” Gohan whispers, swaying gently as he holds you, one arm wrapped tightly around your middle while his other hand rests at the back of your head. “You’d know my heart if you knew your place. So come find yourself… I'll wait for you.”

The fog breaks, and your smile is brighter than a thousand suns and Gohan has never seen anything more breathtaking.

[techmomma]

There is a degree to which we are responsible for our emotions. And certainly, we are responsible for our reactions and behavior.

In situations that we have control, situations where a friend is hurting us, like yes, maybe they shouldn't be hurting you. But there are also actions you have to take on your part.

Think of it like an ocean wave. If you go to the beach and a wave surprises you and gets you wet, and you're upset by this, that is perfectly reasonable.

If you keep standing there, letting yourself get wet and get more upset, when you can move away, then that's on you. I mean, it's your choice to do so. If you don't like getting wet and you just stand there getting wet when you can take a few steps back, you can do so. But it's also unnecessary stress, and you give up your own agency. Saying "I can't control this" when there are very much parts you can control denies your own responsibility in this situation. You can't control the waves from crashing, but you can step away from them.

If you know that a friend is going to keep disappointing you, there are two different actions we can take here: a proactive, and a reactive action.

A reactive action looks like knowing they're going to disappoint you or upset you, they do so, and you react to this. Nothing changes, and it keeps happening, and you continue to be upset. Your anxieties remain unaddressed and continue to hurt you.

A proactive action looks like knowing they're going to disappoint you or upset you and taking the steps to mitigate stress in anticipation of this. And THAT can look like setting down a boundary, removing yourself from the situation (no longer participating in the thing that your friend disappoints you about or no longer asking them to do X when they won't), or accepting that they will disappoint you--meaning you are at peace with the idea of them disappointing you, not "I am going to continue letting them disappoint me but it's going to upset me every time."

It means addressing the source of your stress and what upsets you before it actually does. And like. That's hard! It fucking sucks!

Especially for those of us who've grown up in situations where we didn't have any choice but to be reactive, because oh I don't know, we were children and didn't have any other options. And now we've grown up into adults who feel like there's no other option but to sit there and take it. Like there's no other choice but to be stressed and upset.

Part of healing from this kind of abuse, managing our stress in proactive, responsible ways means we no longer settle anymore, for being hurt. "Just taking it" when people hurt us and won't change. And as adults, that is kind of our responsibility and no one else can really do that for you. That's kind of part of being emotionally mature, is understanding yourself, and being responsible with your own emotions.

We sometimes can't change what other people will do. But we can change what we do, in response. And we can take care of our stressors before they stress us out.

[gourdkeeper]

"Princess" (Reader x sub!Jamie)

This idea was fed to my smooth little brain by a friend on discord and it resulted in this;

Word count: 3113

Content warnings: mirror sex, non prenetrative sex, masturbation, feminisation, dominant and submissive undertones, praise kink, jamie opens up to reader, reader calls jamie feminine gendered names (not in a humiliating way), hair pulling, jamie is a bit ooc because he's anxious and stressed out at first, fully self indulgent im sorry lmao

18+ after cut

This training session didn't quite go as planned. In fact there has been no fighting at all and surprisingly, no drinking either.

It all came up kind of funny.

Jamie was talking to you earlier and you were just completely lost in thought, staring at him with a look of adoration.

"Yo? You even listening?" His hands at his hips while leaning towards you.

You snap out of it and hold his hands and pull them towards you, "I know what I want you to teach me today!"

"Huh? What?"

"Eyeliner!"

"What?!" He whips his head back, "Why?"

"You always got the most perfect eye makeup on, I want you to do it to me and teach me!" You're giddy, you know it's a silly request but you've asked for worse before.

"That's not a fight move, you know that right? 'Sides, I'm your master and I'm the one saying what gets taught."

You pout at him while still holding his hands tight.

"Ugh. Fine." He rolls his eyes, "Not sure how this'll help with anything but fine..."

"Maybe I just want to have fun with you today!" You quip back innocently.

Jamie can't help but roll his eyes again but this time he has a smile on his face.

---

He unlocks the door to his apartment and leads you to his room.

"Hop on the bed, I'll be right there."

"On the bed?" You cock an eyebrow up at him.

"Just do it or I ain't teaching you anything yeah?"

You oblige, you lay at the top of his big cushy bed and wait for him, wondering why anyone would do their makeup in bed.

You've never even really been in his bedroom much before, you've only screwed around on the couch and on the small home gym. It's a pretty room, fitting for him. Big soft bed, large full body mirror and stylish wall decorations.

Before you know it he's coming through the doorway holding a small bag.

"Alright I got my stuff right here just sit up and stay still so I can do this without poking your eye out."

He sits next to you and guides your head around as needed.

"Close your eyes..." He's speaking just above a whisper, he's so cute when he's focused.

He draws a line over one lid and tells you to open your eyes again so that he can finish connecting it smoothly. "Perfect." He mutters.

It feels good to be prettied up by Jamie, it makes you feel special and loved even if you had to convince him to do it at first.

He's finishing the second eye and tells you to come look in the mirror.

He did the same style of eyeliner he usually dons himself. A thin elegant red line hugging a traditional cat eye winged liner.

"It's so pretty!" You hop and kiss him on the cheek "Thank you!"

His happiness is visible too, he looks proud of his work and starts telling you how to make sure it's angled right and how to get both eyes to look symmetrical.

"Can I try it on you?" You interrupt him.

"What do you mean?"

"I want to do your makeup too!"

He looks down at you for a few seconds, silent and wary.

"...Sure."

He holds your hand and brings you back towards the bed.

"I hope you know I wouldn't let *anyone* else do this but you." He sighs and takes a small wipe from his bag to remove his existing eyeliner so that you can practice freely.

You feel giddy, you don't know why, but the thought of putting makeup on such a pretty guy is making you excited with a hint of anxiety welling up in your stomach. He's good at it, he does this daily so if you fuck it up it'll feel like crap and look way too jarring but you want to do it so badly. Hell if it turns out bad you'll have something to laugh about together sometime.

Jamie's finished cleaning his face and is now sat down in bed, you're on your knees sorting thru the bag trying to find the liner.

He lays back down on the bed waiting, looking almost anxious and slowly stretches his hand towards you, "Looking for this?" It's the eyeliner you've been searching for, "I didn't put it away yet."

You take it from his hand and crawl over him, each legs hugging the side of his torso while you remove the cap from the little pen and lean forward.

"Are you ok Jamie?" You've noticed that he's been noticeably quieter than usual.

"I'm fine, just, get this over with..." There seemed to be a slight hint of embarrassment in his voice and eyes.

"Hey now..." You fondle his cheek while looking him in the eye, "Since when are you shy about anything, you don't need to feel embarrassed around me ok?"

He returns you a small smile and nods gently.

"Close your eyes handsome." He obliges and you begin lining his eye lid carefully. "...Open" allowing you to angle the wing at the end. *Almost* as good as when he does it.

"Now the other side..." You hold his face firmly... It feels warm... Is he? Blushing? You try not to mind it too much and begin working on the other eye. Once it's done you ask him to open his eyes and hand him a little mirror that was inside the bag.

"How did I do?" You tilt your head sideways waiting for an answer.

He's definitely blushing.

"Really good! As expected from my disciple.." There is that nervous shy smile again. "...Are you done now?"

"Jamie why are you blushing and trying to hurry me up?"

He's taken by surprise. "Am not! Just the drink that's all-"

"You haven't drank anything in at least two hours."

You can see his adam's apple bobbing up and down as he swallows trying to come up with a clever reply. You back up a little bit to give him space and- Why is there something poking up your backside and why did he just twitch.

You glance backwards and it's clear as day. He's hard. You look back at him and he's averting his eyes, clearly embarrassed over it.

"What did I tell you about being embarrassed around me, c'mon Jamie it's ok..." You try to make him calm down as you gently rub your fingers along his cheeks. "I'm... Excited too, I mean, hard not to when you always look so damn delicious you know?"

You cause him to laugh nervously. "You're on top of me that's all, I can't help it."

"I've been on top of you plenty of times..." You raise your eyebrow at him, you know the hard on is being caused by something else considering how he's acting. "...Do you like me treating you gently like this? Pampering you?“

There he is, averting his eyes again, "Maybe..."

"I can... Continue if you want me to?"

There's a look of uncertainty before he agrees to it.

You grab the little makeup bag to see what else you should try. There's blush, eyeshadows, highlighters and even lipsticks and lipgloss, you've never seen him wear any of it, you wonder why he has it at all. You pull out a little lipgloss that has a red tint to it, it should match his eyeliner nicely.

"Jamie how come you have so much makeup, so much of it almost running out even but you only ever wear eyeliner?"

"I... To practice...?" He's hiding something. "Never know when I'll have to do my disciples' makeup amirite?" Finishing with a nervous laugh. There's that cock twitching on your ass again.

You raise your eyebrow at him. "You sure it's only that?"

"I guess-"

"Can I put it on you?" You enquire, leaning forward while purposely rubbing your butt on him to make him squirm.

He's flushing red again while nodding, biting his lip. Was it out of anxiety or arousal? You wondered.

You kept softly petting his face to make him relax before holding it still to get started.

"Open that pretty mouth."

"O-okay-"

The sight of Jamie being stuck underneath you, lips parted, blushing cheeks and getting prettied up by you is making you want to act up. Why does he have to be so beautiful and captivating regardless if he's bursting with enough confidence to fill the entire room or if he just got shy and became a flustered little mess because you found out something new and decided to poke your nose in the matter.

You've finished applying the gloss to his lips. He looks even more kissable than usual. His small soft lips look even softer, made them look fuller too...

You point the same mirror at him again asking if he likes it.

He nods, you could just gobble him up.

"Should I continue?" You ask, hoping he'll let you, "Might not be as good at it as you though..."

"No one's as good as the great Jamie Siu... But you... You come pretty damn close." He's smilling, not even a smirk or a smug grin like how he usually does when he talks, he looks, vulnerable? It's odd, you've been on top of him plenty. You've dominated this man, pulled his hair and had him beg for you while grinding on his face and there wasn't ever a hint of shyness, until now that is.

You decide to slowly rut your hips against his strained cock, not even aknowledging it, you want to work him up and see what this is all about.

He's biting his lip. You're looking thru the makeup and grab some eyeshadow, you'll just fix up the liner afterwards no big deal. He doesn't stop you as you pretty him up further. You can see sweat forming in his forehead and his lips are pursed.

"I need to tell you something..." You stop for a few seconds to look at him better and nudge him to go on. "I- I uh have that much makeup because," he swallows drily and fidgets around with his fingers, "sometimes I just. Like being a bit more... Feminine." You fully stop and lean back to properly face him, you can tell this is a heavy topic for him and you don't want to hurt him in any way.

Your hand moves to his cheek and pets it. "Jamie that's ok, you think I would judge you?" You give him a soft reassuring smile.

"It's not like. It wasn't even sexual. I just like being pretty sometimes. But now you're doing this to me and I just, I just can't- I didn't expect any of this." He looks very divided, almost pained to share something so intimate and like he could cry.

You rush to hug him and calm him down. "Do you want me to stop this? I understand if you do."

He shakes his head lightly. "I'd like to continue... just, I'm happy to share this with you."

God. You love him so much you could burst. "You're sure right?"

He nods and says a shaky but certain "yes". You've never seen him so nervous before. It's kind of cute.

You're finishing applying the eyeshadow on one eye and ask him, "Why do you like being more feminine sometimes? You don't need to tell me if you don't want to baby." His member twitched again at the end of the sentece and you take mental note of what did it.

"I... Don't fully know," he has his eyes closed, one because it'd be too difficult to speak about it facing you and two to let you finish doing the job, "I've had a tough time with beauty standards before and with always wanting my hair to be kept long and... Been teased about it before. So I just, kept most of it hidden."

It hurts to hear that he's been made to feel inferior before over how he likes to look and it makes you wish you could break the kneecaps of whoever did it. You can't help but reassure him multiple times tell him that you love him for who he is, feminine or not.

"You don't think it's weird? At all?" He's a bit perplexed.

"I think it's normal." You lean forward to whisper in his ear with a mischiveous smile curling at your lips, "And I also find it hot."

"Y-you do?" He looks small underneath you, flustered beyond belief, he definitely doesn't need any blush applied to him.

"Mhmmm..." You take his face on your hand again and hold it in place to let you do his other eye now. "I sure do..." You start grinding onto his crotch again, more obviously this time and you see his brain slowly leave as he struggles to put words together. He looks happy and relieved ontop of being clearly aroused.

"You're so pretty Jamie." That is no lie, he is the most beautiful person you've ever seen and you feel insanely lucky to have him all for yourself. The real him.

You're just about finished with doing his makeup and you lean down to whisper in his ear again, with a plan to make him lose his mind. You want to do him so bad. "You're such...a pretty girl."

His only reaction was to moan and tremble. His eyes were wide looking at you in disbelief, he's so fucking turned on. It's like you've presented him with a brand new revelation. His breath is shaky he can't even speak up.

"Aren't you?“ you tilt your head playfully at him, hoping he'd respond even more positively.

"...! Y-yes!"

"You really are... My pretty girl..." You put the makeup back in the bag now that you're done and give him your full attention. You straddle him tighter and grind down harder. His cock is leaving a stain through his underwear *and* pants. That's a first. "...Jamie..." You moan once more into his ear, "do you want me to take care of you?~" you tease.

"Please!“ the lack of hesitation makes you happy and proud. You love how excited he always is to be touched by you.

"I'll think about it" you joke, "But first," you lift yourself up and hold his hand, pulling him to you, "Come here baby..."

He follows after you and you motion him to sit at the edge of the bed and once he does, you point your finger towards to full lenght mirror of his. "Look at how beautiful you are... You're so pretty, aren't you?" You ask quietly as you fill his neck with kisses from behind.

He's moaning and whimpering softly in response.

You undo the tie on his hair, letting his silky hair cascade down his back and shoulders.

You wrap your hands around him and start removing his shirt and feeling him up at the same time. His face turns around enough to meet yours and starts kissing you sloppily. You can taste his lipgloss, it makes you go insane with desire.

"Watch out pretty girl, we don't want to mess up that pretty face of yours now..." His legs are shut tight, trying to contain how hard and wet he is. "But we do want to make a mess elsewhere...don't we?“ Your hand snakes downwards slipping under his waist band and gripping a thigh and pulling outward, he takes the hint and spreads them.

"Look at the mess you've done already... You're so wet for me baby..." You know he would come undone at the slightest graze of your hand right now, you want to extend this *just* a bit further. He just looks so insanely hot, everything about this is perfect. "What do you want me to do to you? Princess?“ You kiss his cheek from behind, embracing him like this is so good, it makes you feel powerful.

"I- I want you to touch me...please..." His breath is ragged, his words slurred, his eyelids heavy, his chest heaving up and down at the same pace as his cock.

"Is that so? Well then..." You take his twitching member in your hand, wrapping it tight. "I want you to look at yourself when I make you come, yeah?" He nods fast, "I want you to see me mess up this pretty little thing..." You sound a bit mean but that only riles him up further.

You start pumping your first up and down, he's getting sweatier and not a single coherent sentence exits his mouth. He can't keep it shut either. A plethora of "ahs", hisses, whines, whimpers and breathy "please's" are all that he can muster. His body is limp and leaning fully on you, you worry that you might've broken him for a second until he springs back up, forearms supporting his torso, tensed up as he furrows his brows and pulls his knees together.

"Ah- I- I'm gonna-" he's hiccuping and quaking, you know he'll come hard, "I'm going to- c-c-".

You pull his hair forcing his head up so he can look at his reflection straight on and growl in his ear repeatedly to push him towards the edge, "Do it. Come for me. Be a good girl and come for me, I can't wait to taste you. Come on."

The sight of himself coupled with your dirty mantra is enough to give him the final push.

He can't help but shut his eyes tightly with tears forming at the corners when his cock finally gives in and spurts all over his torso. Some inevitability getting on his pants. You continue pumping him until he's been drained dry of energy. "Good girl." You kiss his neck softly. "You're so good for me Jamie..."

You let him lay back down on the bed with you and kiss him slow and passionately holding his head softly. Once you've broken away from the kiss you make sure he's feeling ok.

He nods and smiles. He looks so relieved and happy and sweet. It makes your heart flutter.

"Was it too much? I'll never do it again if you don't want me to." You're a bit scared you went too far and too fast.

He lets out a short laugh while holding tight onto you. "I'd feel awfully depressed if you never did it again. I loved it. I love you."

"I'll make sure to do it often then~" you tease at him. "Let's get you cleaned up for now yeah?"

Your brain is still in a rush, thinking of ideas for next time. You can't wait to make him feel as pretty and cared for as possible.

[p0ssywhippedcream]

Hi, Love

I hope you're doing well, and I hope you have fun these holidays and stay warm.

Would you mind writing me a fic about L or Near comforting the reader (their partner) when they keep failing at wrapping presents properly? I'm having SUCH a hard time wrapping these and I would love to hear that it's okay to try again and ask for help from either of my beloved boys.

Thank you for reading (even if you cant/don't want to do this request, I 100% understand)

Hi lovely! God, I love when people send me holiday asks and this is such a cute idea! Thank you for being so polite and kind, I really appreciate you. :)

Also omg look at this cute holiday themed divider!! 🥹

The sound of paper crunching behind L as he worked suddenly ceased. A groan echoed and he heard a small thud. Spinning in his chair, his eyes find you on the hotel floor with your head in the wrapping paper scraps.

“Y/n, what are you doing?”

“Mmurphhhdurphh..” Came from inside the mountain of cheerful Santas and Christmas trees.

“I can’t hear you.”

Your head pops up, there’s a scrap of reindeer stuck in your hair and you look exhausted. “I fucking hate Christmas.”

“That’s a hyperbole.” L stands and approaches your position on the floor, surrounded by boxes, tape and wrapping paper.

“Hardly. Do you know how hard it is to properly wrap gifts?”

“I can’t say I do.” He rounds the piles of supplies and stands next to your slouched body. “Your posture is almost as bad as mine.”

You groan and roll your eyes. “Don’t you have work to do?”

“I can’t focus with all your noise and I certainly can’t focus if you’re going to be groaning and complaining loudly.” He squats down next to you in his regular position and drops his thumb to his lips.

Suddenly, a poorly-wrapped box is shoved into his arms as you turn towards him. It’s an incredibly sad sight, there’s odd ends of paper sticking up and pockets of air where too much space is.

“If you’re going to make fun of me, you might as well be put to use. Unwrap that for me, please.”

L picks up one of the scissors and begins cutting the paper off. He watches you from the corner of his eye as you attempt to fold the wrapping paper at the right length and accidentally tearing it.

You moan dejectedly, throw the scraps away and measure out another length of the blue-spotted paper.

Once done with removing the paper, he nudges you with his elbow. “Do you want me to wrap this?”

“You can try,” You shrug, and hand him a red cylinder, “But expect me to laugh at you when you’re worse than I am.”

As he goes through the regular motion of preparing the wrapping and cutting the paper to fit the box, he lets his pupils fall on your messy hair and stressed expression. In a poor attempt to alleviate your anxiety, he begins talking.

“The Task-Force isn’t expecting presents, Y/n. The Japanese don’t celebrate Christmas very much anyway, only about one percent of the population is even Christian.”

You throw a glance his way, a half smile at his attempt to make you feel better. “Maybe, but they’ve been working so very hard on this and I know they’ll be here during Christmas. I want to show my appreciation for them, they deserve it.”

You hold up an expensive bottle of aftershave you bought for the chief and ask, “Do you think they’ll like them?”

L put a hand on your back and held two sides of wrapping paper with the pointer finger and thumb of his other hand on the box.

“I think they will be shocked and glad to even have gotten anything, my love. How much did these things cost?”

You grin. “You’ll have to check your bank statement for that, we both know money burns a hole in my pocket.”

He drops his hand from your back with a small chuckle and resumes wrapping. “I don’t see how my money could burn a hole in your pocket but I suppose it is the season of sharing..”

You sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, the occasional noises of wrapping paper, the tape dispenser and thoughtful sighs as you try to get the paper right.

L makes a unrecognizable noise next to you and you turn and see him holding a perfectly wrapped present, complete with a beautiful white lace and bow, a small, proud smile on his face.

“Oh…my…god! Oh my god! I can’t believe- What- That’s so not fair!” You cry out and wave your hands indignantly.

L laughs at your expression, one of those rare moments of his persona fading and you get presented with his authentic self.

“I guess I just have a gift,” He puts his thumb between his lips again with humor in his eyes, “It’s geometry, Y/n, it’s simply basic geometry.”

You groan and tuck your head into his neck, shaking yours miserably. “I hate you…”

He pats your hair with a chuckle. “I’m sure you do.”

[the-dream-beyond]

Episode 27: The Art of Meaningful Gatherings: Insights From Nick Gray

Nick Gray 

I host an event last night. So I was like, Well, you know, there was this one thing I don't know, if you I was like, you have to tell it to me, I need this more than any compliment, I need the critique, it will help me be bigger, better and stronger. Give it to me.

Nik Tarascio 

One of the most important things we can do for our own fulfillment is to bring people together, right and not in a virtual way, in a real way in a real tangible way to be in the presence to be the gatherer of friends and connections. And today's guest gives such a simple, simple framework and formula for being able to do that for being able to remove all the the stresses, the anxiety, the uncertainties of it. And not only that, he's willing to literally help you do it, he will get on a phone call with you just to help you make it possible. So this is going to be a fun one with a dear friend of mine who has helped me understand how better to gather people, and I hope you enjoy our nerding out about the best ways to throw gatherings and just bring people meaningfully together.

Welcome to the dream beyond. I'm your host, Nik Tarascio. I'm a co musician and overall seeker of Truth, inspiration and simply put, how to live the most fulfilling life possible. Growing up surrounded by extremely wealthy and successful people gave me unique and unfiltered perspectives of those who have seemingly made it that on the dream beyond we're letting you in on what it really takes to achieve your dreams. What happens when it turns out your destination isn't the promised land you are expecting how to process the lessons from your past while mapping of course to true fulfillment. Let's get started.

Hey guys, I'm here with author of the two hour cocktail party a step by step handbook that teaches you how to build big relationships by hosting small gatherings. He's also been featured in The New York Times The Wall Street Journal, and New York Magazine called him a host of culturally significant parties. And he's had over 770 5000 watches on his TEDx talk about why he hates most museums. Please welcome my buddy, Nick gray. Thanks for being here. Nick.

Nick Gray 

Thank you. I'm excited to talk about how it's done and gatherings and all that stuff.

Nik Tarascio 

Yeah, man. And, you know, we have obviously the, the aviation connection as well just wanted to mention that that's one of the ways we got connected. A mutual friend was like, Hey, you're an aviation. He's in aviation, you should know each other. That normally doesn't work. But I was like, actually really like this guy.

Nick Gray 

Yeah, I think I saw you at NBAA one year, or something like that. Yeah. It's a small world in the social world of New York City that has that? Because usually, right, they're two totally separate worlds. And so that was a neat overlap.

Nik Tarascio 

Yeah. Yeah, it was, it was cool to meet someone who, you know, I recently did an episode that was kind of on the the portfolio life, this idea that many of us are multi layered and diverse. And that's been something that prior generations would say, don't do that. Put all your eggs in one basket be really good at one thing, but I always appreciated that you're into so many different things. And I've been to your parties, your party is always amazing. The people are always interesting and diverse as well. And so I'm kind of curious to go way back, which is, when you were a little What did you dream you'd be when you grew up.

Nick Gray 

I wanted to own a baseball card shop, I loved baseball cards, and comic books, actually got a job working illegally at a baseball card shop in Dallas, Texas, because I was too young to work there legally. So they would pay me like under the table and baseball cards and comics. So first job I ever had, I think I must have been like 12 or something.

Nik Tarascio 

Amazing. What What drew you to that? What was the bigger dream there?

Nick Gray 

I think it was the business side of it. Of the of that the cards had value and there was money. And it was like building a little bit of like wealth as a 12 year old, like having all these baseball card collections. It was interesting.

Nik Tarascio 

That's really cool. And how does that? How does that relate? I mean, again, I've known you in so many contexts with the party's Museum Hack the books, like it's does that relate somehow? Do you see how that entrepreneurial spirit and attraction to wealth generation has kind of laid into the other things you've done?

Nick Gray 

Now, just like I collected baseball cards, I mean, I kind of think about collecting people and trying to meet the most interesting possible people that I can. And it's something that really lights me up and I'm still I got to have a call this morning with somebody that I sent a cold email this person didn't know me from anybody didn't know any of my friends or anything. But that a long time since I've sent a message like this. And like two weeks later, he wrote back and we got to have a phone call today. And so I love that I get inspired by folks that I can link up with and meet.

Nik Tarascio 

When you think about, you know this transition from baseball cards have wealth to now people have wealth. Was it a glorious journey of things getting better? Were there dark moments where you're like, Oh, I might have miscalculated at times. And they were they were harder times of transition.

Nick Gray 

Definitely in my 20s I didn't have any social life. I was very focused on our family but Business, and working six or seven days a week I loved it. I'm not saying it was like a sad story. But I had like, no social life like, probably didn't even know some but I mean knew one or two guys that I could call to hang out with on the weekend. But even that was hit or miss. And so yeah, I think that time as I look back on it, I say, I don't know if that was the best decision.

Nik Tarascio 

Sure enough. What was the turning point for you?

Nick Gray 

I think eventually, I decided I moved to New York City, with the intent of really making a go at meeting people and having a social life. I was in my late 20s. I don't remember if there was like one particular thing. But it was a general idea, or this probably is not healthy to be living a lifestyle like this. And eventually, something happened. And I decided to move.

Nik Tarascio 

What I've always been intrigued by about you is like, I have a hard time pinning, whether you're an artist or a business person, or like even like a 12 year old self, you're like, oh, there's like an entrepreneurial nature of I want to generate value. But then the, you know, Museum Hack is like such a creative approach to visiting museums. And I think a lot of what you've done and a lot of the ways you've shown up, it's like a real creative endeavor. How do you identify between those two things?

Nick Gray 

I really wanted with museum hacks. So I had this business called Museum Hack that did renegade museum tours at some of the biggest museums in America. And we lead people on these very interesting different unique museum experiences that weren't fun, and saucy and filled with gossip and had very good tour guides. And the art of that was I never wanted it to be a business. It was just a hobby. So it's just something I did for fun. I wanted to get really good at it. And I think that's where everything starts, for me is, is something that I truly want to make for my friends that I would be proud of.

Nik Tarascio 

So putting yourself out there is also something I've seen you do really well. I mean, there's, I still have a little bit of a fear of how much of the kimono I want to open up, right. It's like I want to be present on social, I want to be known for who I really am. But there's always this line that everyone has to choose if this is how much of me is allowed for public consumption. I feel like you go pretty far into the lack of my life's kind of on display, I'll come to your parties. You can see what I'm up to. Here's me celebrating at a waterpark for my birthday has ever been really scary for you. Like I'm kind of under I'm trying to understand how you had the courage just to be like this is all of me, or is there like a secret? Is there a secret box in there that we don't know about?

Nick Gray 

I've been online for a long time a lot longer than most people have. And so I really grew up with the internet and with personal publishing, and so it is an area that I feel more comfortable in. But oh my god, dude, I feel the same way. The first time I got on Tik Tok, I was like this is so cringe. I still Still I post stuff that feels very, very cringe. So it's constantly, constantly exploring for me that Sharon is a way to stay relevant and to stay as part of the discussion. And it is something that I still invest a lot of time in.

Nik Tarascio 

Have you had anybody criticize you? Or have you had people that care about you ever say like, that's too much?

Nick Gray 

I think so. Yes. The other day, I went to the gym. And I had a late night the night before and I didn't eat breakfast. And I was at the gym, and I'm sure I drink a coffee on an empty stomach. And I was just like ripping out some tweets that were mildly unhinged. And someone who I didn't know, wrote back and I like, Bro, are you okay? And I was like, Oh, yeah. Like, I should go outside. I should like, Get off my phone and go outside and walk around in the nice sun fresh air. I think that I am willing to make mistakes and some of my most popular famous reels that have gone viral. The comments are filled with haters, absolutely filled with haters. And if you're not willing for people to make fun of you, then I don't think you'll be successful.

Nik Tarascio 

Have you always been pretty resilient to that kind of stuff?

Nick Gray 

I think so. Yeah.

Nik Tarascio 

It's good parenting, maybe?

Nick Gray 

Yeah, yeah, I had great parents. I'm not sure what it is. I think being online for a lot. Just being online, like on the internet for so long. That certainly helps with museum act. You know, I would pass out feedback forms at the end of the night. And I would be you know, you hear Thank you amazing tour like 20,000 times, but if someone's like, well, there was one thing I didn't really like, I'm okay. Tell me Tell. Please. I need that. Tell me what that is. I hosted an event last night. So I was like, Well, you know, there was this one thing I don't know if you I was like, you have to tell it to me. I need this more than any compliment. I need the critique. It will help me be bigger, better and stronger. Give it to me. So I'm like, that stuff I thrive with. I like that.

Nik Tarascio 

Is there anything that someone shared with you where it actually like it? Got you. You're like, Damn, that actually really hurt. or like, it's still circles in your head from time to time.

Nick Gray 

After I think of you know, I have like a little gap in between my teeth. And sometimes folks about cleaning their teeth. And I'm like now self conscious. I'm like, dang it, I'm have to get that stupid gap fixed. And I have what else, they're just hilarious stuff that people say, like one of the one of my things was like, you know why you need to have name tags at events and parties and why you need to have structure and someone made the comment, which was like, the gist that they were sort of comparing it to is like, I'd sooner kind of take party advice from you, like I would gym advice. And they're like, You got any workout tips, big man. I thought that was hilarious. Sometimes it's the roasts that are so good. And I show them to all my friends. If they're good, they're good. They're good. I love them.

Nik Tarascio 

That's great. I don't know if I would be able to take that as well as you do. So I appreciate that invitation. Man. So continuing forward into, you know, again, you kind of have done many different things that I you know, I believe what you do with what you've what you did with Museum Hack was about creating a really special experience for people what you do in your at the parties, I've been to, again, creating really cool context and structure. So I don't have to be thinking about how I show up at a party. And then you know, the guidance that you have in the book, I've literally taken your templates and just said I'm following this to the tee.

It makes my life so much easier, because like even ratios like how much of this do I need to buy for this many people in your life? This is the ratio, this is the stuff to order on Amazon, everything to the tee, I was like I'm following it. It was so helpful for someone like me, who just wants to get it all perfect. And so, you know, again, I'm just curious, what advice do you have for people that are, you know, trying to find creative ways to to connect, because again, it's like so you I've actually told other people? I'm a Nick, I hang out with a lot of Nick's but I say you're the most Nick, Nick. I know. I don't know why that is but like you just are so gave yourself permission to be you. Were a lot of other Nick's that I know are like, well, we kind of need to play it safe and mask a little bit.

Nick Gray 

Uh huh. Dude, you're a good host in yourself. So I appreciate the compliments. But even as long as I've known you, I remember going to a Madison Square Park, birthday party that you hosted. And there was dancing, there was like tables set up with food. And, you know, the average person would be like, Wow, did Nick like rent this out? Or how do I think you just crashed it? Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Right. All right, I think you just crashed and just had all your friends show up. And so you've been a host for a long time. So I appreciate the compliment. But I also want to recognize in that it is a very unique thing to bring people together.

And we all have our different styles. And to the extent that I've found some framework that logistically is very helpful to let people set it and forget it. That's what I like. But I'm inspired by I know, you've been doing a lot of music gatherings even at that one party. But I know you play an experiment. Have you been doing any new stuff with music? At your gatherings or events?

Nik Tarascio 

Somewhat? Yes. So what first of all, anytime I go to any conference group, anywhere, like I just went to a retreat up at omega and if you're familiar with it, upstate New York, they have it's like, it's pretty woowoo but I went for a lucid dreaming a five day course. And stay at a guitar and cafe. So I just played the guitar and like gathered people around for like live music karaoke. So I always find that inserting music into unexpected places, is really fun for me. Last night, I had a actually a gathering of people here and we did a little bit of that too. I've gotten really into sound meditation, guiding people through like deep, deep meditations, of getting to know themselves better. So I really do like this idea of growing up, I would always have music on no matter where I was, I was like, I want like you remember those like waterproof CD players that they used for the shower. I had music everywhere shower, car, LA, wake up, go to sleep, there was always music on so I'm like, I just like sneaking music into places. So for me that is very much the glue.

And I've also found that when I play music, people know they don't have to think about what to say they could just sing along to the word. So in a lot of ways, that's why I was drawn to your parties, because you were like, This is the like, this is the agenda for the night. You don't need to worry about who you're talking to, or how we're all gonna go around and like share something in a circle. It was interesting to see that the guardrails and the structure actually gave me the ability to be more myself.

Nick Gray 

I was wondering if you could help me I did an event yesterday as well. And I had a musician that I hired and I want to get a sing along to end my parties. And people loved it. We did it last night, but between you and me I felt like we didn't perhaps have the full throated participation of all of the attendees. Is because frankly, it was weird, right? I hosted like a half day workshop. And at the end, it was like a surprise sing along. But I want to experiment with that because I've done it sometimes before at my other events and it crushes. And I'm just curious if you have any tips and it I'm sure that some folks who have not hosted a lot are listening to this. And they're like, these guys are insane. They're talking about sing alongs at parties, but know that this is a very advanced move, and you have to read the room, but when it works, oh my god, it works. Yeah, so...

Nik Tarascio 

I've two approaches to that, actually. And I love that you're turning it around on me. This is awesome. Like, I actually liked that we're, we're serving the concept of parties in general, whatever it takes. So two things One is I think that people really love a shocking moment, right? Like, it's like, wow, I didn't expect like my go to is Bohemian Rhapsody. So I will I will play Bohemian Rhapsody on the guitar. I will divide the room. I'll make people sing the different parts. It's the song that no one knows that everyone knows. And so doing that with the cameras come up. People can't believe that we're all singing Bohemian Rhapsody. So that crushes every time I've never had it fall flat ever.

And I've done it. I don't know. 100 times and different Kylie? Yeah. Yeah. It just it's and again, it's more like people like I've never, no one could believe that it could be done on an acoustic guitar. Yeah. And so I believe that that's one way to do it. The other way to do it is like partly what's so fun about that song, it gets people laughing at themselves, right, because it's like, you know, magnifico, like, you're just like, Oh, I'm like saying these funny things and singing high and sing and low and taking myself so seriously, which by the way, is one of the notes I wrote down. I love that you don't have like you don't take yourself too seriously, then you can be engaged and you can be fun. The second thing I like to do is and I do this in the sound meditation is I'll actually do some different vocalizing with people where I'll first say like, we're going to just play a chord and everyone's just gonna hum any note they want. And so everyone's got their mouth closed in their humming that like now we're just going to start to open our mouth a little bit, and I can see who's holding back and feeling insecure. And I'll say like, Listen, you may have a voice coming up right now that saying like, I'm embarrassed. I feel silly. This is a really weird thing to do this, that person is gonna know I have a bad voice. I'm like, No, everybody tried to touch your tongue to your chin.

And now make whatever sound comes out of your mouth. And if I was like, Ah, right, they just like start making weird noises. Well, I'm like, Cool. If you feel like you want to laugh, laugh, like, let's just have fun with this. Shake your face around, do weird things with your face, see what weird sound you could get to come out. And then after that, then I guide people into like, now let's actually start harmonizing, which is like the rule that I saw, which was so cool. Make a note that is different from everyone else's note around you. So then you're like, oh, I want to actually be a unique note. And it just makes this weird cacophony of sound that fills the room. You're like, whoa, this actually feels really special. So I've been really trying to overcome that resistance to participate. Like, how can I make this like, this isn't about being good singers, which is also why yes, karaoke. Karaoke sucks when you're there with someone who's like, oh, no, I'm just a Broadway singer. You know, on the side. Yeah. I don't want to I don't want to see this. This isn't fun. Yes.

Nick Gray 

So I could, I would love to play with that in a live event situation. And again, if you're listening to this, in your new house, know that we are going into the ultra advanced, vulnerable read level state that Nick reads the room very well. I'm guessing you never do this at the beginning. I mean, with the exception of the sound meditation, but folks kind of come to that. But with Bohemian Rhapsody, I'm guessing you do it at least an hour in where people have built some rapport, they've loosened up a little bit, they're willing to be a little more vulnerable. And this just takes it from an eight like to an 11. And if I could learn how to do that, that will be amazing.

Nik Tarascio 

Yeah, and also, when you're, when you're back doing an event in New York, let me know we could test drive some of this stuff. That will be cool. I'd be totally down. I always love finding different ways to use music, like any form of music to bring people together or create connection. You know, normally, I'd be like, well, we shouldn't have this, you know, we'll edit this app. I'm like, No, I want people to see like, this is really how you do it. Like you're one of the people that is like, I'm never done refining. I'm never done optimizing. There's always more that can be done like what you said before, tell me Give me the feedback. Don't just tell me it was awesome. Like, tell me what I could do to make this better. I feel like your book seems so simple. But to think about it, it's like it's probably hundreds and hundreds of little refinements over time.

Nick Gray 

Yes, tiny, tiny little things. I would rather have someone, there's much less point and emphasis on the food in my book, and I find that most new hosts believe that they have to overspend on food and make this insane spread. But the secret is, is that I would rather have someone leave one of my parties hungry rather than bored. And so I spend all my time thinking about the people and the conversations. And very little I mean, if you Look at the spreads of my parties. It's really nothing. And the reason is because I don't want to stress about the food, I want people. And the reality is that a good event people are talking, they're mixing and mingling, we oftentimes eat and drink when we're bored.

And so that's also something that holds people back from hosting. And you probably host a lot enough, similar to me that like, we could just do it now with our eyes closed, because we have the muscle memory of welcoming people into our space, what music we play what we do to kind of prep and get ready for it. And my whole mission was to write a formula or like an operating system for gathering to help other people learn how to make that easy. By the way, have you switched to party full for your event? Stuff? Invitation? That's good, right?

Nik Tarascio 

Yeah, it's super simple. It's that far the easiest platform we found. Yeah. So I have been playing with that. But you're right, you're touching on this, like, there's so much resistance that had come up with, I want to throw more parties, I want to get people together. But it is a huge investment if I am focused on the food, and I'm engaged to a woman who very much values that stuff. So like our early resistance to this was like, no, she would say to me, like, if people are coming to our apartment, there's gonna be good food. And I'm like, Okay, we'll have to do that. So in that way, we're not gonna be able to honor Nick's formula. But you're right. I don't think anyone actually cares that much.

But I know for my fiance was like, even if they don't care, that's the kind of experience I want to create some, like, that's you, like, we'll do jazz, we can do that. I'm okay with that. But I never want that to be we're not going to host because I don't really want to pump $300 into food. So the other thing like last night I just hosted. And I decided, I'm really a fan of the potluck. Like, it's another way of just like, we do want to have more food, people do want to eat and break bread around a table, smaller format, it's obviously only going to be like eight or 10 people. But I like that idea of the potluck. And then we you know, we provide the drinks and desserts. And we're like, you know, bring something that really is like your comfort food. So there's also a little bit of personality in it. But I do think a lot about that, that the hardest thing for me has always been I'm going to overwater food, I'm going to under order food, people can't eat the things. It's all just like dietary restriction stuff we need to.

So I still am thinking a lot about like, what other ways I could do it. But yeah, again, it's I'm super formulaic. And for anyone that's listening Truly, this is like one of the things I actually did, like I took your book and I read the whole thing, I pulled out all the checklists, and I was like, this is going to be my blueprint. And then again, I can modify and amend based on like, how I feel about certain things. But one of the things I had the most resistance on besides the food was like, Are we really going to end two hours in? Are we really going to kick people out? And I needed to hear that? I mean, I actually went to three, don't hate me. But one of the challenges also like people are going to be here too late. We don't want to do it. Because it's going to screw up the whole night we're going to end up, like not having the energy. The next thing I like that. It's like, No, we're ending at this time. If you leave and you feel like it was too soon. Good. You'll come back next time. You'll want more. Yeah, I really like that permission as well.

Nick Gray 

So did you set the party time as two hours and then just hang out late? And it was three hours? Or did you set the time is three hours? I set it at three? Oh, you said that three? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. That that the three hours, I was worried that when I do a three hour time, it extends the awkward zone. And the awkward zone is that first 1015 2030 minutes, I found when I did a two hour time limit, even if we went late. So even if I did like 68 or 79. And I knew that we'll hang out later, I found that by setting the two hour time more people showed up on time, because they're like, well shoot, if I show up 30 minutes late, I'm gonna miss like a quarter of the party. And so now I will usually host still for two hours. But after the two hour mark, I'll make an announcement. I'll say thank you, everybody, the party is officially over. If you have to go now I just want to say thank you so much for coming.

And for those that are still here, you know, we can hang out and have one more drink or say hey to somebody new, and then I'll let it go on a little bit more. But at the beginning, I do want to show people how to end a party. Because that's another one of the reasons why people don't host more often is they end up it just destroys their sleep schedule or their apartment or whatever. They're like, oh, people are gonna stay over till 2am And then ever end up hosting.

Nik Tarascio 

That's a really good point. I mean, I really like it there was stuff that you shared that I'd never thought about before like this idea of can you find like five close friends I forgot what you call it, but like getting that inner circle of friends that are like until you guys commit. We're not even putting a party together. Because at least if you're coming, I'm a winner. Right? And so I would actually tell those people they had to be there a little early so instead I'd say like come a few minutes. Tyrese let's catch up. So we're coming into the party with already that people I enjoy being there. Like my closest friends are there right and so that was a little bit of a hack around that but I like This idea of like, I remember, I really did not understand parties.

And when I first moved to New York, I threw a party that was like 5pm to 11pm. And the first person that showed up was the only person that showed up for the first hour. And he was like a party planner type. He really knew how to do parties. He's like, dude, way too big of a window, way too big of a window. And I had never really heard that before. So this idea of like, can you really squeeze it down, make it that you get, especially in New York, where everyone has to kind of Flexi on their time. That's, that's an interesting, I would actually test that I would test compressing it down to the two again, and then just seeing what kind of give a bonus round without them knowing about it. Five

Nick Gray 

to 11 is an interesting time. I remember that there was a woman named Lindsay, who goes to the birthday party, and she lived in Soho, and I it was the same thing. It was like five to 11. And I was like, Well, I like to show up at the beginning. But I'll be like, 15 minutes late. So I message her. I'm like, Hey, what's up? I'm coming over. I'm nearby, like, let me know if you need anything. And she was like, what? You're nearby. Like, I haven't even know I'm still I'm still in the shower. Like I'm getting ready. And I was so frustrated. I was like, why would you say it starts then. But she just knew that people won't show up on time. It's that Flexi window. It's interesting to think why people do that. I don't know what the purpose is.

Nik Tarascio 

Yeah, yeah. It's also I like that idea of though, like motivating. How do you get people to motivate to come at the right time? Especially? You know, we've, we've been playing a lot with like, all the sound stuff I do once you start the sound, I don't even let people in anymore. Like that's my new role is like, yes, you've got a 30 minute arrival time beyond that. I'm not letting you in.

Nick Gray 

It kills the vibe, it completely kills the vibe. I heard somebody said that the best photographers never will do photoshoots with doors that are open, they make sure that the doors are always closed, because the energy just leaks out. People get self conscious they're walking by there's noises in the hallway, things like that. I bet it is that times 1000 with sound bats. Yeah, yeah.

Nik Tarascio 

Oh, it will absolutely ruin and someone coming in and whispering like, Where should I sit? And you're like, yeah, it's not gonna happen. Yeah, so kind of going bigger. I mean, first of all, I could I could totally nerd out about this stuff for me, too. I find is like someone that always struggled to understand why people do things, and then setting up parties that kind of play to that and figuring out how to you, especially in New York, how the hell do you create something that's memorable in New York City? Right, I think it's much, much harder to do. And I feel like when you throw a party people go, because it's like, Nick's always got something that's going to be really cool. And I'm inspired by that. So much so that I took some of that for my birthday. On September 9, I threw a party and I didn't tell people what was happening after nine o'clock, I just said, it's gonna get really weird. And that's all I said, I said, it's gonna get really weird. And I was like, I wonder if it's gonna be in for it. And so we did an hour of improv at nine o'clock. Then we did a 30 minute death meditation. Then I had six or seven friends that were hand selected, read eulogies about my first 42 years of my life, on my late and a fake coffin. And then as we went around the room at everyone shared what they were most excited about for the next year as if it was a rebirth. And that's pretty cool. It was wild.

And we weren't. My fiance, and I were like, This is not gonna go well, but I really wanted to do it anyway. And at the end, the stuff we got from people was like, Man, I don't normally think about my mortality. But I hope I live long enough to have more crazy nights like this like to have parties like this that remind you, it's actually about like real stuff, and surprise, and authentic connection. So you know, I'm always I'm always interested in kind of hearing edge cases and other things that people are up to, but that really all that stuff kind of came from your original stuff, like seeing how you did it, seeing your formulas. I was like, I wonder how weird I could get with my formula. How far can I push it? So thank you for that permission.

Nick Gray 

By the way, the idea to do what you wanted to do on your birthday is so important. Because the day is for you. Right? It's your birthday, and your friends have to do what you want to do. That is the one day when you get to say we are doing this weird stuff or whatever you want to do, right? Yeah. And so birthdays, my birthday. Last year or two years ago, I rented out the waterpark, right? So I rented out this indoor waterpark and I took all my friends there because I love water parks and I love riding this fake surf machine. And that was so much fun. That was funny, by the way, right? Because I'm older and my friends are a little bit older. We were ripping the water sides nonstop no lines. And then you know, I had like a misuse on staff because we're all like torn up and like muscles like like we're sore. Some friends were just like, Oh, that was amazing, but I was so sore the next day so that was very fun.

Last year, I did something interesting. I usually make my birthday every single year a really big deal. And last year, I decided to do absolutely nothing. I just cleared my calendar. And I reveled in the nothingness of like, as a gift to myself not to do anything. And I just had the best day ever doing things that I wanted to do. And I was reminded, I was just like, wow, there's really no reason I can't do this more often. To like, clear my calendar, just do what I want to do. Um, I'm glad I got to do it on my birthday. And also, Wow, good realization to do that maybe a little more often. Yeah,

Nik Tarascio 

I mean, I imagine you, you default to doing a lot. You seem like you're always up to something.

Nick Gray 

Oh, my God, I hosted an event last night. So I'm experimenting with conferences now. And so I hosted a half day workshop salon. And I wanted to get my, my events out of the sort of after work happy hour mode and into the daytime session. So it was 130 to 5:30pm. Really a test? Like can I host an event in that time slot? Will people show up? Will they come to you know, have a networking type event? And it was, it was a lot of fun. I learned a lot. And I'm excited to keep playing in that space.

Nik Tarascio 

So what is next for you? I'm actually curious, because you're always up to so many different things when you think forward of well, one, I mean, you have such an extraordinary life, like do you feel like you've achieved your dream yet? Or is there something else that that you're still after?

Nick Gray 

I have such a blessed life. I mean, I have very, I'm relatively healthy, I have a roof over my head, I live a pretty minimalist life. So I'm super thankful. And I'm still exploring to figure out what's next, I sold my last company Museum Hack and 2019. I've been working on this book to try to get people to host their own events. Now I'm really going hard on the conferences and the larger things. I just did four conferences in four weeks, with a variety of involvements with the conference organizers. And so for me, that was a lot of fun. And I just got off a call this morning with people brainstorming, how can we do icebreakers for 3000 people? And so that, for me is a challenge. And it's one I want to explore more. And they said, Oh, can we hire you for this? I said, Look, I want to do stuff. That's very hard. This sounds very hard. So I would like to yes, let's keep brainstorming.

Nik Tarascio 

Why do you like hard things?

Nick Gray 

I like learning. I like learning stuff. I did an event recently where I was the emcee at the open night party and I was competing with an open bar. And I told the host, I was like, there's a very good chance that I'm going to bomb. And I'm excited by that chance and possibility that nobody's gonna listen to me. And if you're okay with that, I'm okay to do this plan that we have. But just know that it may absolutely fall flat. And I was just like, oh, this is exciting. This is really exciting. Now, I think I've just done so many events, I've literally hosted probably over 700, happy hours, cocktail parties, things like that. And so now I want the new new I want the challenges.

Nik Tarascio 

So tell me the vision for the future. Like is there some future event that you're really excited about? Or even if it's just like a loose concept, what's driving you forward at this point, besides just learning to learn?

Nick Gray 

Yeah, there is a conference that happens that is called dialogue that Peter Thiel started. And it's kind of spun off into a new world now. But the idea is, there's no keynote speakers, there's no panels, it's all small group discussion, sort of like an intellectual salon. And I want to get towards hosting my own one of those, their event is two or three days long, I'll be hosting a full day event on November 30, a one and a half day event on December 7, and eighth. So I'm like right now rapidly prototyping these events to see if I can play in that space. So that is the future I think of what I'm interested in. I mean, you probably go to a lot of masterminds or you know, people who go to a lot of masterminds. So do I know of a lot of these, and there's some that are very good out there. And I'm just curious, how, just like with museum tours, I took an old idea and kind of flipped it on its head a little bit. How could I do that with these live gatherings?

Nik Tarascio 

It just seems like there are people that are mischievous and they like to break rules to mess life up. I feel like you play with life but everyone's the beneficiary of it. Like it's like it's it's positive spirit of it. It's it's really warm and kind and you know, again, so much of like, while you are one of the more open people there's a little bit of like an enigma to you. I'm like, Why does he do all this stuff showing up at people's parties following up with like, you're working really hard. You're working super hard at this stuff. And I love that it's Like, so grassroots like, the average author would be like, Oh, I get a team of people to do all this stuff for me like, No, I'm going to your party. If I'm in the city where it's happening, maybe I'll even travel.

Nick Gray 

Yes, I call my readers a lot. If they have their email, if their signature, I will call them all, I've had hundreds of phone calls with my readers. And they're always shocked. They're like, why are you talking to me? I was like, because this is like the best part of my day. I love hearing these stories

Nik Tarascio 

This is great. What do you hope to leave behind?

Nick Gray 

If I just get more name tags used and more social situations? I think that's a win. More rounds of intros and social gatherings. I get frustrated when I would go to a house party and I don't know who's in the room. Right? And I don't want to ask the host Hey, can you walk me through every single person here, so I know who I might be interested in talking to. And there's this assumption right now that that's selfish, or that it is somehow negative to ask that, but I think we all have limited time at events and in our lives. And if I meet somebody who likes to ride this stupid surf wave that I do, or somebody who likes to go to New York City and likes Broadway shows, I want to know that at an event so I can go up and talk to them about it. So I would love to be able to leave behind some of those frameworks for gatherings. And if I can inspire a few 100 people to do that. I think that'll be nice.

Nik Tarascio 

Awesome. Well, I think specifically, it's worth talking about, I wasn't going to go into the details. But I kind of feel like we should there's like three things that really do stand out I, I love the idea of what you're talking about is when you would say, hey, it's time to let everyone know who's going to be at the party and write up a little intro about them. You're 100%, right, when I would go to your events or parties that had that. I was like, Well, I actually know I have like a hook, I have a way to know that I like hey, well, let's talk about I didn't know you're in music, but I'm also in music. So now we have something in common. So really Nick's framework of taking a little bit of extra time and letting people know who's going to be there also, they're more likely to come if they know that there's going to be very interesting people there that they'd want to talk to. I really, really liked that I did get. I think it was like 100% participation in anyone I invited. That's awesome. That's great. That's good, right? The first Yeah, like the first one, it was like literally 100% of the people came I'm like, wow, yeah, that is wild.

Nick Gray 

So I found that that's something else I'm so passionate about, which is boosting the attendance rate for events. Because so many people all the time, oh, we had 30 People RSVP, you know, private 15 will show up. And I'm like, What? No, no, something's wrong with that. If they RSVP, we got to get them to show up. So little things that I do to really boost us above 90% attendance rate is important to me.

Nik Tarascio 

Yeah, it's incredible. And I think going back to the whole name tags thing, it was really a divisive topic in my household. So it's like, oh, man, is it impersonal? But similarly, I'm really I get a little anxious. When I first connect with someone, and we're like, what's your name? What's my name? I always feel like I'm gonna mess up my own name. So I forget the other person's name. And I found it was really nice to know, like, oh, everyone has their name on. So I don't have to feel like after had a long conversation, I'm like, Hey, you should meet. I don't remember the name. I found that to be really helpful. And I'm curious, like, what would you say? Well, what would you say are like if people just did one to three things that you really push for? What are the things that really moved the needle in your mind?

Nick Gray 

That idea that we talked about before with the core group, get in the first five people to say yes, before you send out any invitations to get a double opt in on the first five, and say something like, Hey, man, Nick, are thinking of hosting an event on November 27, from 7am to 8pm, or seven or 9pm? If we do it, would you come and get in five people to say yes, before you go forward, the number one fear for a new host is that nobody's going to attend. And so by getting those first five, that's a sense of confidence. If I had to pick two other things, I would say use name tags, and do at least one round of introductions. And remember, a good intro is a fast intro. And so it's not just that we're hoping to spark new conversations, but also we use those icebreakers to end the existing conversations. Many people Yes, it's hard for them to start conversations, but it's actually harder for many to end a conversation. They don't know how to exit. speaking to someone when they're kind of done, they're way too nice. And when the host adds a little bit of structure and activity at an event, it helps people to end those conversations much easier.

Nik Tarascio 

Yeah, I'm bad at the walk away. There. I've always admired I heard like, Bill Clinton was really good at that. Like you'd tell, someone would tell him a story. He would shake their hand grabbed the back of their arm like that really good handshake. And you go, yeah, man, you're crazy. And then just walk away or like something like you just like, make some like, sweet comment. Like, That's the funniest thing I've ever heard and just walk away with some like, I can't do that. I feel like I'm gonna somehow let them down or leave like they're gonna feel rejected. So I stick around way longer than I want to.

Nick Gray 

That's good. That's good. Are there?

Nik Tarascio 

I'm actually curious, are there tips in your mind if you are stuck in a conversation with someone that you want? And besides the room, like, you know, someone like you as a party host ending it with, hey, it's time for us to circle up again, and we're going to have another round. What other tips do you have for someone who finds themselves in awkward positions?

Nick Gray 

The easiest way is just to go to the LinkedIn or the Instagram add to to make them feel seen, like you want to continue. And so I will ask, I'll say something like, Oh, are you on social media? And they'll say, Oh, I'm on LinkedIn, I'm on Instagram. And then I said, I'd love to add you can I add up real quick. And so that is a way of seeing them saying, I like you, I'm going to add you now. And then it's very simple to wrap it up was really nice talking to you. I'm gonna go mix and mingle. But I think by by seeing them and acknowledging them and adding them, I'll add anybody, so I don't think too much about it.

Nik Tarascio 

That's a great tool. I'm gonna use that every time now. Yeah, it's good. To grow. Yeah. So just kind of closing, closing question. You know, again, you've obviously helped a lot of people and I am wondering, fulfillment is really the whole driver of the show. For me, it's like how do we help more people experience fulfillment, not just chase it in the wrong places? Since you've had such deep integration with the people who have hosted? Can you tell me how fulfillment has shown up for people who have started hosting with your format?

Nick Gray 

Oh, my God, the best story I heard was a couple of weeks ago, this guy he said, he said, Look, I read your first. He said, I read your book, I hosted my first party, it was fine. He was like, if I'm being honest, it was like a six or seven. I was very nervous. He said, but then I hosted my second party. And because I had already done it once, I had so much more confidence. And he said it was just a 10 out of 10 was one of the best experiences. But he said later that night, I was doing the recap afterwards with my wife. And he said, My wife said, I've never been so proud to see you, amongst your friends. This guy was for the first time ever in her eyes, leading the room, gathering people being a leader among men. And it was she got to see him in that moment. And so hearing stuff like that just lights me up.

Nik Tarascio 

That's a big one. I'm going to sit with that for a moment, I really do think that it's also such an attractive quality, right? Seeing someone who not only leaves a room but leaves a room to connection and with care and with kindness, that that's huge, where I think you know, the stuff I grew up around again, growing up in New York, I grew up around people that lead the room with like, alpha energy, and it's all about me, really be leading from a place of actually, it's about everybody, and I want everyone to participate. That's beautiful story. Well, I, you know, again, I am like fighting myself to stay away from technical tactical questions, because I'm like, Man, I just want to like find all the optimizations.

But really, my biggest takeaway from what you shared is, well, a few things. One is like really just that permission to not take yourself so seriously, and have fun, have fun. And, you know, like we said on your birthday, like have your party, do what you want to do. And just play, optimize, make little tweaks and adjustments. Really freely bring people together in your spaces if you'd like to have and I think that there is something really special about bringing people into your home or bringing people into the space that you have. And as you said, like being a leader of friends, being leader of community, I don't think that there's a better feeling I've ever felt that is one of those times where I feel so much fulfillment. So for people that are looking for that, it doesn't have to be dreadful, it doesn't need to be so stressful. That's like borrow the formula, right? Start from the formula, just do that.

And then if you want to make tweaks and adjustments, you can do that from there. But again, I can attest to it. It really did. You know, I run an airline. So like I can do pretty complex things and run hard projects. party stressed me out still. And to have that formula really helped me do it and gave me the confidence to not over order under order, know how to get people there and not have to feel the rejection of I threw a party and people didn't show up for the first hour. So Nick, thank you so much for helping us figure out how better to connect, gather and just have more fulfillment in our lives. And if you're curious about what Nick's up to, you could check out again, the book, the two hour cocktail party even more than that. And Nick, I'm actually going to let you speak about this. So because you do like to get involved. And you were talking about the idea of someone's thinking about hosting a party. What is your invitation to them?

Nick Gray 

Yep, please send me an email. My address is Nick@NickGraynews.com, and I'll be your accountability partner. So if you're thinking you want to do it, you need a little help, or some motivational messages or something, send me a note. And I'll help you out. It really does make me happy to hear from people that are hosting their first party, just like Nick and I have found these insane benefits in growing our networks. The easiest way to do that is to start to host events and anyone can learn how.

Nik Tarascio 

Yeah, and I just hope you're taking this in that like this is the most insane offer ever. It is so rare that an author is like I will call you if I have to I will come to your thing that you are doing and I will support you and Nick you've actually done that for me quite a few times when I was Ready to host and I've got questions on this. So yeah, really you should take him up on this. It's such an amazing, it's an amazing gift. And Nick, thank you so much for your time here. I hope people enjoy our very both tactical and nerdy, but also big picture exciting conversation.

Nick Gray 

Thank you very much more Bohemian Rhapsody.

Nik Tarascio 

Yes, exactly. All right. Take care everybody. Thank you for listening to the dream beyond. I hope that you received whatever message or inspiration you were meant to get from today's episode. I had a great time recording it for you. If you love the show, please take 30 seconds to subscribe rate and review it. That really helps get the word out. And if you want to connect with me, you can find me at

instagram.com/niktarascio

linkedin.com/in/nikTarascio

youtube.com/nTarascio

[compassionhavens]

Understanding the Effectiveness of Online Counseling

Getting help for your feelings and thoughts has changed a lot. Now, online counseling is making a big difference in mental health care and all around the world. It's like a super helpful tool that anyone can use easily. It's not just a regular service; it's like a safety net that reaches out to people who need support for their mental health. The cool thing is that it doesn't matter where you are - this online therapy removes the distance between you and the help you need. Let's explore it and see how beneficial and excellent online counseling is, as well as why it's a fantastic choice, particularly in locations like Online Counseling BC and other locations.

The Convenience of Online Counseling

Online counseling offers a level of convenience that traditional face-to-face sessions may struggle to match. In places like BC or others, where urban life can be hectic, and time is a valuable commodity, accessing therapy from the comfort of your own space can be a game-changer. The same holds for the picturesque landscapes of Nova Scotia or others and the close-knit community of Saskatoon in Saskatchewan or anywhere else.

Connecting Virtually in Online Counseling BC

Online Counseling introduces an easy way to access mental health support with just a click. Whether you're in bustling British Columbia or anywhere else, qualified therapists are a button away. Break down barriers and address the high demand for mental health services with this accessible option. Online Counseling BC makes help available, anywhere else you may be. Reach out today; support is just a click away, making mental well-being simple and convenient for everyone, in BC or somewhere else.

Traversing Serenity in Online Counseling Nova Scotia

In the pretty places of Nova Scotia or other spots, online counseling helps all kinds of people. If you're in the busy city of Halifax or calm towns, Online Counseling Nova Scotia or other locations is like a helpful friend, giving important support for your mind. The computer platform is like the calmness of this place, giving special help to those who need it. If you need help, it's easy and makes your mind feel better, whether you're in Nova Scotia or some other place.

Community-Centric Support in Online Counseling Saskatoon

In Saskatoon or elsewhere, where everyone feels like family, online counseling emerges as a valuable resource. Tailored for individuals, these virtual talks create a sense of connection, mirroring the lively spirit of the city. Online Counseling Saskatoon or somewhere else transcends the idea of a mere service; it's equal to a caring friend who understands your needs. it's like having someone right there for you. Whether you're in Saskatoon or elsewhere, Online Counseling ensures support is always within reach, simplifying your path to well-being.

 

Last note

In conclusion, online counseling is like a big help, breaking down walls to support your mental health. Whether you're in busy BC or the calm beauty of Nova Scotia or somewhere else, online counseling is here for you. It helps you feel better, no matter where you are. When considering Online Counseling Saskatchewan, keep in mind that you can get assistance anywhere you need it, including through Compassion Heaven's unique Online Counseling services. There they help you with every kind of counselling from anxiety to stress to relationship to mental health counselling. If you are interested do check out their website compassionhavencounselling.ca.

[nobodiesheartlessshitblog45]

Call Of Duty Fanfic: Welcome Home.

John PriceXHusbandOC Part 1

Well... I have been getting into the call lore and John Price has my heart, and this man is amazing, and I have been trying to get back into writing some fanfic.

I have no idea what the hell happen to my fails, but my JJK and MHA stories somehow get deleted and that made me not want to work on those at all.

So I have been getting into Call Of Duty a bit, and I love charaters, and Captain John Price is amazing, I wanted to writw with my charaters.

So see how this will go.

It had been snowing since he left the office. The paperwork had been piling for the past few weeks. He did feel some stress for the past fews, and the ransom attack that had happen a few weeks ago on his allies, where his husband and his team were station.

Thank god that everyone was alright. His husband and his team had some scratches here and there, but it didn't help that he was still out there still fighting the endless wars.

It was the life that both made sighed up.

Luka was driving home, waiting for the lights too change. He was slim man who was in his late 30's with white long hair that was pulled back in a neat ponytail, and hazel eyes and fair skin.

He sat there in the front seat of the car watching the car front of him moving forward.

Luka drove quietly, and anxiously.

He did get a text from his that he got home only 5 hours ago. Luka wanted to drop whatever he was doing to rush to see him. But really he could not leave Ellie behind with all the paperwork. Really she was kind enough to stay an extra few hours to help out with paperwork.

The sound of the radio playing news the voice sounded mono ton and distant to Luka was he drove down his sheet where some few houses were.

Luka pulled into the the drove his driveway where his was. He turns off the car, and began making his way out the car.

The cold dead of winter washing over, as he began shivering.

"Jeeeeeeeeeeeez. I hate this time of year."

He began walking over to the door, placed his house key into keyhole, and walked inside.

He lets out a sigh of relief being has he walked into the warmth of his home felt welcoming.

"John! H-Hey, I'm home!" Luka called has he was removing his winter coat. "Sorry I couldn't get out earlier like I had planned. Damn paperwork was getting out of control."

There was no voice that had acknowledge him. Luka stood there hopping to hear John's voice.

He placed his coat and scarf on the coat hanger that was near the door, and began removing his boots hung them up, and began removing them, but stops when saw he stops and saw a pear of winter boots and large duffle bag lying floor.

The began bag had the initials J. Price on it.

"John! Honey...!" Luka called out, but there was no answered. He felt his anxiety raising again has he began walking down the small hallway.

"John! Jonathan. Are... Are you home?"

He looked into the small den on the right side of the room.

There was small bookshelf where the some books and few picture that was sitting on it, with wooden flooring and walls, and few paintings that were hanging on the wall.

"John? Where the hell are you?!" Luka said.

A loud snorting sound that right next to Luka, making him jump. He looked at the there on in the far corner of the den was large couch, and there lying on it pasted out asleep was John Price. His boonie hat cover his face.

With a sigh of relief Luka chuckles to himself.

"... Yeah, you're differently home..."

He began making his way over to John and sat down on the edge of the couch. "John. John." He gently shook him.

John only grumbled something, and kept on sleeping snoring more loudly. Luka smiles more, and slowly reached over and remove the hat from John's face.

He could finally the peaceful face of his husband, his mouth slightly has kept on sleeping.

But as soon as John felt his hat being removed from his face his brow began arching in annoyance and through gritted teeth.

"You muppet...! You better have a bloody good reason to--!" John's snapped open his anger quickly fade when saw filmier handsome face smiling down at him.

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty. Good to see ya."

John looked up at him for him, his expression soften but said in very an annoyed tone.

"... You know it's rather rube to wake your husband when he's napping."

"Sure I guess, but I think it's way more rude not greet him properly when comes home."

John smiles. "Yes. That’s true."

"Heh. So... Permission to kiss you, cap?"

"Come here, you handsome muppet."

John sits up and pulls Luka into a deep kiss. When he felt his on his, all Luka was could feel nothing but warmth. He couldn't help but wrap his arms John's neck, has he felt him being pulled onto his lap.

After a few moments John then pulled away, breathing slightly just taking the sight was right in front him.

Luka was giving him that beautiful that he loved some much.

"You, Luka, you're always sight to behold. Truly."

"Hehehe. I mean what can I say?Can't help that I'm a good lookin' guy." Luka amused.

John chuckled giving Luka a few kisses cupping his with his hands and resting his forehead against his.

John wanted take all him in, his sent and the way his sink felt.

Just the sight of this man in arms made him feel ... Alone less hollow in away.

A man who would fight for in a heart beat.

The two stayed liked this for a few moments.

John wanted to take him in all in, after being away from home for two long months. He just wanted take the most studding thing that was right in front him.

"I have missed you." said John, softly.

When he said Luka trying to not to get too emotional.

"I-I... Missed you, too." He said back as he was trying not cry. But a could not fight breaking in voice.

John of course noticed right away as hot tears were running Luka's face.

"A-Ah! I-I'm sorry... I-I..." Luka whips his eyes. "S-Shit... I promise myself I would not cry when I would see you, but... I-I... Damn it."

Without saying a John pulled him into arms holding tightly, Luka, who was speechless at first just grips the back of John's shirt and began burying his face into John's neck, let himself cry.

John had pulled Luka onto his lap, has he was whispering sweetly to him.

"Shhhh. Shhh. Dearest, it's aright. It's alright." He give him a sweet kiss on the side of his head, and gently rubbing his. "I'm right here, I'm right here."

The two sat there on couch for a long while, John was rubbing Luka's back, as he had calm down a bit, but was still breathing heavily

"I-I'm sorry, John."

"What on earth are you sorry?" John hums in slight amusement. "For missing too much."

Luka didn't say a word, just hugged him tighter.

The two men pulled away.

John felt his heart ache when saw his husband's red and puffy eyes looking back him.

"I-I... just wish I was there when you guys were... attacked last week. When no one heard from in the past 14 hours I... I... Almost ready to Germany to see if I could at least try to do something... I-I... was so scared you guys were... ..."

John felt his heart break more and more as Luka was talking.

He hated himself more and more making his husband worry like and cry like this.

“My sweet Luka... I-I am so... sorry." He hugged him again. "I made worried you so much."

"N-No, John." Luka shook his head. "Y-You don't need to apologize. I-I just..." He stops and sighs. "I'm... just glad you're back home. And safe." Luka sniffled and smile at him. "Plus I think you would be acting the same way as well, right?"

John just gave him a sweet yet sad smile.

"C-Can we... um, stay like this for a bit...?" Asked Luka.

"Heheheh. You don't ever have to ask, Pet." John said, sweetly and gave him a gentle kiss on lips.

John laid on his back, and Luka was onto his chest.

"This alright?" asked John.

"Yeah..." said Luka.

"Soooo... Do you want talk about work?"

"Hell. No."

John lets out soft laugh and kisses the top of Luka's head, making Luka laugh a bit too.

"Good... have you home, Captain."

"It's wonderful to be back."

The two held each other. John was could feel Luka's breathing heavily after some time could feel that he was calming a little more. John was running his fingers throught his hair, and gentling tracing shapeless patterns on his back. Giving him a sweet kiss on forehead.

Luka just held onto John for dear life. He thought it let he was going to disappear, he wanted to fell him. Wanted to make sure his heart was still beating in chest.

After catching his breath, a little bit Luka pushes himself up and looked into John's beautiful blue eyes. They softly were giving him, as John brsuhed the bits of white hair from his face and gently brushes his Luka's chesck.

Luka places his hand over John's, letting a shakcing sigh.

He was here.

He was safe and alive.

Luka felt tears welling up again, as he leans into John kissing the Captain.

John return the kiss, but with more love and passion, then broke it.

The two looked into each others eyes, and held each other.

And the John's phone began too ringing.

"... Fucking hell." He groans.

Luka quickly sat up and got off of John, who slowly reached over to small side table where his phone was charging. He answered.

"This is Price." John said in a gruff tone, his annoyed expression a bit surprised. "Oh, Kyle."

Luka's concerned grew as heard Kyle's name. He sat next to John and watched nodding and said:. "Ah, good, good. Right. Hehe. I will. Talk too you lot later get some rest." He hugn and looked at Luka. "Lads made it back him safely." 

"Oh! Oh, thank god." Luka said, with a belief sign and hand over his chest. "I'm not going to lie, I was worried something bad happen to them."

John gave him a sweet smile as Luka stood look at him. "Anyway you hungry? I made leftover pasta with meatballs last night. I... had a lot going for the past few days, and forgot to go food shopping."

John just looked like he was most breathtaking thing ever witness. "Pasta with meatballs sounds brilliant." He stood up, leans over to Luka and gave him a kiss.

"Great! I'll fix us some plates then. Just give me a bit."

John nods and watch as his husband walked out the room. As did left, John's smile slowly faded and lets out a deep sigh.

He stood there for a few moments, before walking out the room.

Luka in their home kitchen it was a pretty large room, with beautiful painted white cabinets with reddish brick flooring and simple darkish red wall paper.

He was pulling out some plates that were on the lower leave of the kitchen, and stood up pulled open a drawer where the eating tensile's were.

John was walking down the hallway, as he could Luka walking around rummaging around, and sound of a microwave humming.

"Oh, that smells gorgeous~." John said, smelling the air.

"Heh. Thanks, hon." said Luka, and walked over to table, and placing the plates down. "Though it's a simple meatballs and spaghetti."

"Still, Dearest," John said, walking up behind Luka hugging his middle. "Smells gorgeous~." Kisses him. "Best thing to come home... And I thought we can over this with our dinner."

Luka looks and sees John holding a very expensive large looking wine bottle.

“W-Where... Did you get that?" asked Luka eyeing the wine with a surprise look on his face.

"It got from a small winery in Germany." said John with amused smile. "It's a lovely red wine, and I thought you like enjoy."

"... Wow.” Luka then began thinking. “Wait…How did you… sneak it onto the base? Nonono! How in the hell did you sneak it onto a the German airport too England?"

"Heh. I have my way, Love." said John, with a bit of smirk.

Luka just looked at him and shrugged. "Okay."

And after that the pasta and meatballs were nice warm., the small kitchen table was all nice and set. The two men sat down to a nice happy meal together.

[karanc]

How to Plan a Wedding in Jaipur: Tips And Tricks

The wedding is a time when celebration and unity are the top priorities in everyone's thoughts. Yet, often the stress of planning a wedding can be overwhelming and could impede the happiness of the event. If you're planning for your wedding in Jaipur then we're providing some suggestions and tricks to help you plan this. This article aims to alleviate stress by offering straightforward dos and don'ts to follow about weddings.

In the days leading up to the wedding day, have the jewelry you're planning to put on professionally. It will allow you to sparkle even more while strolling down the aisle shining the beautiful features you are. Get a professional jeweler's cleaner to improve the appearance of your jewelry prior to the wedding.

If you're planning the wedding outside, make sure you check your winds for the day. The weather could ruin any outdoor wedding that isn't prepared in advance. If the weather is expected to be a stormy day, you should avoid hairstyles that are greatly altered by the breeze. Keep the fact that certain tents aren't designed to withstand extreme wind conditions.

If you are planning your wedding celebration in the city of pink, Jaipur Keep your thoughts on the temperature. It is important for guests to feel comfortable during the wedding. It will be a bad idea to keep the guests overly cold or hot. If you are planning a wedding in the summer when temperatures are hot Consider giving away hand fans, as well as glasses of water. If you're planning your wedding during cooler weather, inform your guests know they need to dress in a formal manner.

In the days leading up to your wedding day, indulge yourself in the most luxurious way feasible by taking a trip to the spa to get a massage. This can help you lessen the tension and stress that comes with the weeks leading up to the wedding day so that you are more relaxed going across the aisle.

If you're asked to take wedding photos but have no experience the most crucial thing to do is create a shot checklist. Discuss with the couple the kind of photos they'd want to capture and create a list to help you plan the event and lower your anxiety.

Don't choose the first wedding spot in Jaipur you come across. Shop at other venues. Weddings are a once-in-a-lifetime event that you must ensure is flawless. The wrong choice of venue can make the difference between getting the wedding you've always wanted or getting your wedding to be a nightmare.

In selecting a DJ to perform at your wedding, ensure that you select a DJ with a good name. Unprofessional DJs can cause a disaster at your wedding reception. Therefore, request any potential DJs testimonials and fees. If the candidate doesn't have references, take him off the list as soon as possible! If all of his references belong to relatives, there's another reason for him to get the removal.

Avoid smoking and drinking beer in a bottle at your reception. It's tacky and obnoxious to appear that is so casually, so you should try to be a part of the elegant design for your ceremony. Following the wedding reception, the guests can head back to your house, smoke an ashtray and drink the night away in the event that you want.

You could have a relative or friend. The only thing you need is someone to transport your equipment during your ceremony as well as photo shoots. They might be able to assist you in gathering all your relatives for a family picture.

If you want to decorate your wedding in a way that pays tribute to your family's heritage or unique heritage, ask your family members if they can use unique family heirlooms to make an element of your centerpieces, or your entryway decor. Find antique locks and silver platters as well as a distinct candle holder. Also, you can request photographs of your family with small frames of decoration as a means of showing respect for the history of your family.

Bring some emotional value to your wedding outfit as you save cash. Jewellery can be an expensive accessory to the wedding dress. There are a few beautiful jewelry items inside a family member's or friend's jewelry boxes. They can provide a unique visual appeal as well as design elements to your outfit that make you feel stunning and bring a feeling of warmth during the day.

When you are deciding to have your wedding destination to Jaipur Make certain you are aware of the rules for the place. When you begin booking hotels be sure that they are able to meet your expectations.

If you're getting married in a hotel you can negotiate a better price. Inform the hotel of the rooms that can be booked as well as the increased business that their restaurants, as well as gift shops, can expect because of your guests as well as family members who will be coming from outside in the town. There is a chance to get a chance to stay in a suite free of charge.

Don't believe that your wedding is flawless. Try to create the perfect wedding you can before the wedding day. However, during your wedding, just allow things to unfold as they will. So, you'll be able to relax and enjoy the day without worrying about the aspects.

When you've decided on plans for a wedding you want to begin planning for, make sure to focus on your body shape and the way you would like it to appear for the wedding. If you can decide earlier on what you'd like to wear or whether you want to shed weight, easier it is, to begin with, a plan and adhere to it throughout the weeks before your wedding.

Think about a buffet as the reception dinner. Buffets will be considerably less than a dinner served in a sit-down setting. It is also not necessary to be paying for servers who will handle the dining experience. A buffet offers more selections that your guests can enjoy.

There's an abundance of options to consider in organizing a wedding ceremony in Jaipur. This can create stress if you're not sure of what you should do to accomplish these tasks efficiently. Utilizing the advice provided that are provided in this post is the best way to tackle the wedding tasks in a way that you are able to focus on yourself and have fun celebrating.

[michelemoorono]

What Health Issues Can CBD Gummies Aid

If you're looking for a means to boost your wellness without the hazardous side-effects of prescription medications, after that CBD gummies may be for you.

For many years, this oil, which originates from the seed of the cannabis plant, has been utilized by the indigenous individuals of the Amazon.com to treat a wide variety of ailments consisting of anxiety, persistent pain, nausea, as well as ringing in the ears.

buy cbd online

Today, it is coming to be extra extensively accepted as an efficient natural wellness therapy.

When you grind up the CBD pills and placed them inside a little piece of cheesecloth, you obtain a material called CBD. The substance is popular for its capability to help in reducing stress and anxiety, ease anxiety, as well as advertise rest.

In addition, studies have actually revealed that it can be practical in minimizing the seizures some youngsters experience when they are dealing with epilepsy. So if you have some kind of seizure trouble, you should most definitely explore taking CBD.

It's incredibly risk-free, without any known serious adverse effects or hazardous interactions with any other medicines you might be taking.

However, if you wish to get the most take advantage of CBD, you need to understand just how to use it properly. For beginners, the best method to take it is with a food or beverage.

Put a tiny amount, state a quarter of a tsp, inside a glass of milk and also stir up until it's blended properly. Then consume it today.

Like any type of food supplement, you must additionally consider timing. You need to take your CBD gummies about thirty minutes prior to you plan to eat.This will assist your body to take in one of the most nutrients possible.

Plus, when you have a pre-determined meal, your tummy will certainly be more probable to vacant quicker, so you can consume less without feeling starving.

One more great idea is to allow your body digest the CBD first. So, as opposed to simply eating the gummy bears, try eating several of them. You can place several of the gummies on a tiny piece of salute or in a muffin and simply chew it.

This will assist your digestion system get used to the taste of the item. And then, when you're ready to eat, simply eat the small items of the gummy bear while your mouth is still open. Your tummy will certainly prepare to handle the huge piece of CBD when it remains in your mouth.

The suitable temperature level for taking CBD gummies is around seventy-two levels Fahrenheit. You'll be able to tell if it's done due to the fact that it'll start to turn darker as well as crisper.

Benefits of CBD for Professional Action-Sport Athletes

It'll likewise feel warm to your touch. Keep in mind that it's not a strong block of delicious chocolate. The dark shade is simply the lack of delicious chocolate.

While you could include some harmful processed food to your diet, this isn't the perfect remedy. If you do so, the dark delicious chocolate can make you really feel ill. Rather, you need to consume the CBD at its many standard degree.

There are several brands of CBD gummies on the marketplace. Some use honey or syrup as their sweeteners. Others use vanilla remove.

One of the most vital point is that your body does not come to be intolerant to the item. By watching on the flavors and also the ingredients, you can maintain appreciating this healthy treat.

If you intend to provide as a gift, there are a number of different styles to choose from. They normally are available in little bags, which makes it easy to package them and send out to a buddy or loved one.

It's additionally good to have them available as an equipping glutton at the workplace. As well, take into consideration giving them as a little birthday existing - it's a gift that many individuals enjoy.

It's important to keep in mind that your body is different from other people's. This means that there are going to be some nutritional distinctions.

Some people may react adversely to specific foods, and these won't help them. While you should speak with a physician prior to you start, they usually advise starting with among the typical brand names.

Can Cannabis Really Help Detox From Oxycontin? Experts Weigh In

As you try them, you can find one that you like as well as stay with it.

In general, the most effective means to use CBD is to try it out by yourself. Take a number of samples house. Place them in your mouth as well as see what happens.

This is an excellent method to learn if it will certainly have an effect in your body. Take a few even more examples home as well as learn what you assume.

[hi-intrepid-heroes]

hii so ive seen you posting about gming and i just want to ask you if you were anxious early on, and if you were, how you went about overcoming it? i know gming can be fun for me and i have a lot of cool ideas but im scared of like messing up and ruining the game for my players.

hi!!

thank you so much for sending me this!! i've been dm'ing for about a year now but we don't play super regularly so i still feel like a new-ish dm if i'm being honest. i'm still nervous before sessions and am still learning but some of my tips for overcoming anxiety are (note after writing: this got SO LONG sorry i hope it helps!):

-pick the right players: i think when you're starting out it's really important to have players that you trust! i'm really lucky and i play with people i've been friends with for like 10 years so i'm really comfortable around them, but in general try to have players that you trust not to hold mistakes you make (see tip #2) against you. it's easier to just go for it and try some things when you're comfortable around your players

-accept you're going to mess up sometimes: we all make mistakes, especially when you're learning a new skill, which is what dm'ing is. i don't know all the rules by heart, i have to change things halfway through sometimes, i sometimes run a not so great session, and that's just kind of. how it is. not everything's gonna be a banger. for me, it's really nice to address that? like, i recently ran a thing where two pcs were involved in a duel while the other two were just waiting, and they clearly got bored. so when the duel was over, i turned to them, said 'this was boring for you, right?', they said 'yeah' and i nodded and said 'cool, then we won't do it again', made a note of it, and move on. i cannot emphasise how much addressing something i did wrong due to miscalculation (i thought it would be shorter + more interesting for the pcs not involved), acknowledging it was a mistake and that i now know it doesn't work, and then just moving on instead of lingering on it helped in overcoming the anxiety around mistakes was. i tend to linger on my mistakes and by addressing it, i removed both doubt in my mind about how the players felt + doubt in their mind about whether i caught that it just wasn't that interesting, and that gave me the space to simply get on with the parts of the story that are interesting!

-find someone to talk to about your campaign that isn't your players: it's so nice to just braindump to another person sometimes, and this doesn't have to be someone who plays dnd! for the longest time, i would just talk to my mum about it, and simply the act of explaining to someone else what was happening and what i was struggling with helped me solve my own problems!

-prepare as much as you feel is necessary: i see a lot of people warning against over preparing and although you want to try and not railroad your players, preparing is great and in the beginning i prepared a lot! i'm now confident enough to improvise fantasy shots when necessary but i definitely wasn't a year ago and so i would just. make a bar if i knew they were going to an area with bars, and sometimes they wouldn't end up doing shots and i'd just save it. for me, this over preparation helped me feel safe in my own world and i knew there was less chance of me getting surprised (it still happened, it always happens (flashbacks to the barbarian in session 2 deciding she wanted a pet so i had to improvise a full fantasy pet store rip), but by preparing i saved myself a lot of stress)

-use online resources: there are so many blogs, youtube channels, and other things to help you with dm'ing and for me finding info/instructions made me feel more secure! i really like matthew colville, he's got a full playlist called running the game (find it here), which is about learning to dm, it's got 100+ videos and it's amazing. he advocates for using adventures, which i like cause they're a little bit more accessible! you don't have to homebrew if that seems intimidating, just run an adventure, they're just as fun and cool to do!! matthew colville is a good intro, when i have a specific question, i also look at the DM Lair, who has a lot of really focused videos, but i haven't seen that many. in theme with this blog, i also like adventuring academy which is brennan + guest, specifically this one with murph cause they have a beautiful bit where they emphasise that if you have watched dimension 20 you can dm, anyone can do it and i 100% agree. you can do it!! i understand you're nervous but the biggest hurdle (for me, at least) was the first session. the second they laugh at something you said or are creeped out by the haunted mansion you created based on a backstreet boys music video (only normal decisions here), you realise 'oh. this is kind of fun actually'. i'm still nervouse before sessions and a lot of way more experienced dms are too but it's also so fun just try it!! i'd love to hear how it goes!

dm's please reblog with your best tips for overcoming anxiety!!!!

[haechanokeh]

[teaser] [ Chapter 1 ] [ Chapter 2 ] [ Chapter 3 ] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7] [Chapter 8] [Chapter 9]

pairing: popular college! mark x average! reader

genre: romance, smut, angst, series.

warning (general): corruption, oral sex (both receiving and giving), cream pie, rough sex, mention of religion, rough sex, self-esteem, public sex, sub! reader, sex toys. possessive mark two-faced mark, psychology

you cried your eyes out, face shoved in your pillow and muffling your sobs. you didn't who told you those words, it was mark but he's not the same guy you fell in love with and the guy you said yes with today. your phone was ringing nonstop so you have to turn it off but mark was too eager so he's now in front of your house banging and shouting your name begging you to open the door and talk to him.

what he told you was possible, that they didn't care for you and you have to admit that it stings but his words are not responsible for your vulnerability right now, it was the unknown mark. you didn't like him just because he's kind, it was just one out of the nth god knows the reason why you love him. he made you so special, he was right that he's the only person who cared about you in your class but the unfamiliar mark you saw a couple of hours ago was scary. it gave you goosebumps, you were frightened it's as if anytime he will hurt you.

you heard a hard stomp inside your room and you quickly sat up and surprisingly it was mark inside your room who entered the room through your open window.

"fuck, y/n." he ran into you and pulled you up into his arms. "I'm so sorry, this will never happen again." he whispered and caressed your hair. "i will not let lucas and my friends break us, shhh i am truly sorry. you only need me, so don't worry."

your body froze in shock and your heart beating so fast. he's not sorry.

"what..." you whispered in disbelief, you can't understand why he can't understand that he's wrong as well.

"we're okay now right? let's just forget everything, y/n... hmmm?" he looked at your face and looked into your eyes but he saw nothing but unpleasant. he felt rage rushing in his whole system. "what do you want! i already apologize!" he squeezed your jaw.

you were shaking in fear as his loud voice boomed in your room. his nose was flaring, his eyes were dripped with spite, and his chest where heaving. he's so mad at you and you're scared and confused.

that's when you realize, there's something wrong with him.

"m-mark, you're hurting me." you sobbed. mark snapped out of his senses. he quickly removed his hands from you and embraced you.

"I'm sorry." he sincerely said and kissed your cheeks and shove his face against it. "I'm so sorry, please don't leave me." he kept on apologizing non-stop. his hands were trembling you could feel it as he was clutching your arms.

"mark? mark?" you panicked. "mark? are you okay?" your fear from him vanished and changed into a concern to him. this is not normal.

you tried to get away from his arms but he's not budging, you stopped wriggling when you heard him whimper.

"don't leave me, can't. i really can't, i will lose myself." he begged like he's close to hopelessness. you gently pushed him to look at his face. your heart was stabbed when you saw how vulnerable he looked.

"mark..." you voice broke, you really don't know what to say because this is your first time to see him like this.

this is why mark never pursues someone or something he likes, he became possessive in fear that it will slip away from him, like his friends' admiration and respects towards him, the trust from his parents, and how they look at him as the perfect son, the people's respect on him because of his kindness and intellect, and his high grades- all of these are his goals and obsession but you're different. he can confidently allow these to get away from him in exchange of not losing you. you become his obsession. mark is aware that he has a problem but doesn't want to admit it and keep on insisting that this is part of his life... when it is not. everything about it is not normal, because when he faces rejection he felt anguish, loss, stress, and anger. there was a point where he tried to consider hurting and taking his life but he was taught that this is a grave sin and again, he felt disappointed that he is thinking of doing a grave sin which added made it worse to his anxiety. 3 years ago, he talked to his psychologist professor and was diagnosed with depression and attachment disorganized anxiety. he only attends one counseling session because he couldn't accept that there's something wrong with him and if people will find out about this he will lose all the respect.

ask him. you were pushing yourself to speak what's wrong? do you have a problem? you want to ask him but you became voiceless.

"mark, i want you to be honest to me okay?" your voice was shaking trying to control it from whimpering and tears rolling on your cheeks. "are you going through... something? do you want to talk about it?"

mark was spacing out while looking into your eyes but inside his head, it was in extreme chaos. he's having a second thoughts on telling that he has anxiety.

"mark, i love you so much but i need to understand you first so i know what to do and to make sure that you're receiving it. can you trust me?" you were convincing him and mark can see it through your eyes.

he gave up.

"i'm a mess." he broke down. mark's voice cracked and tears falling filled with hopelessness. you couldn't bare to see him like this so you pulled him into a passionate but slow kiss which he gladly responds.

you made him sit on your bed and straddle his hips, your hands were on both sides of his face and his hands were on the bed to support his body and your body. both of you where muffling your sobs.

"i was diagnosed depression and disorganized attachment anxiety" he confessed. you have no idea what is disorganized attachment anxiety, but you just understand that he has anxiety and depression, which was shocking.

mark lee, loved by everyone and religious boy have depression? that's when you realize, depression has no favoritism.

"how? you're..."

"when i was a kid, my parents are busy but i felt love every time they praise me and follow their lessons. i needed their praise and validation and i adopted it and became like... that and brought it until i grow up and to school. i never wanted to feel their disappointment and i never wanted to lose the respect of my parents, professors, and classmates but when i met you..." your eyes were locking with him. "you're the only thing i need and for the first time i never cared of losing it i thought i changed but i was wrong, nothing changed. i was just too possessive and obsess of you and when you told me you want to leave me..." his voice broke once again.

"it's going to be the end of me. it's been a long time since i felt rejected and i don't know what to do." he weeps and you felt weak.

mark has been your emotional support with fragile heart, you felt useless. instead of apologizing, you said the 3 words he always and shamelessly tells you.

"i love you." you pecked his lips. "i love you." your kissed it again and repeatedly do it while allowing the tears to fall.

he needs assurance that he is genuinely loved, which he is.

"mark, you are you still going to a psychiatrist?" making sure that he's managing it very well, but he shook his head. he needs help, someone who's more reliable. you hope that the next statement you will tell him will not take it as a bad thing. you rub his cheeks.

"you need to, aren't we pharmacists? aren't we push people to comply and adhere?" you smiled sadly.

"what will they think? my parents will be disappointed and sad at me, they will blame it to themselves, i know them y/n. and the people around me, they will think that i am fragile." you could see how frustrated he was.

"i thought you don't care about them anymore? i thought what matters is me? and what i think is that i love you and will love you more regardless of seeing one." you want to tell him that one day if you will do something wrong he might hurt himself or the people around him but you don't know if it's the right thing to say. this is why he needs to talk to a professional and you also need one because you can talk to them on what is the right thing to do to help mark and support him.

"if i do this you will never leave me?" you felt bad, now mark is now losing trust on you.

"if you do that, i am always right there with you." you kissed his forehead.

"and if i don't?"

"and if you don't..." you rest your forehead against his. "i am always with you."

you stared at each other for a long time sharing tons of emotion and you didn't know when it happened but both of you can't keep your hands to yourself. you're hovering over him touching him everywhere and his hands are all over your back.

you're grinding yourself hard on his pants, both of you panting but your lips never got separated, instead, it gets deeper. you pulled the hem of his pants and boxer. you pushed aside you shorts and sunk down to his length.

"fuck, that was hot." mark coulnd't help but blurt that out. you started to bounce, hands gripping his shoulders. he squeezed your breast underneath your shirt when suddenly the door clicked opened along with a women's gasp.

both of your heads turned towards the door's direction. it was your mom wearing his office uniform, holding a bowl with jaw-dropping in surprise. mark panicked, and so do you. you pulled mark's head and pulled it towards your breast, you want to gatekeep him.

"mom!" you shouted.

"i-i'm sorry I thought you look so down.. ohh..." you actually don't know what she just realized but she's nodding her head like now i get it "you have--"

"mom, get out!" she quickly closed the door.

"just so you know i will be here at 8, but if you want i can come here by 9! you can continue-"

"mom!" she made you feel embarrassed.

"my daughter has a boyfriend! finally!" she squealed as if the pigs finally learned how to fly. your mom thought this day wouldn't come but good lord your mom saw mark's face and at that moment she knew she needs mark's gene in her family tree.

"as much i loved your breast, i love to look at your face more." mark said. you release his head.

"my mom is just like that I'm sorry." you heard your mom honked. mark grinned and you gave him an apologetic look. "are you still in the mood?"

"i'm afraid i'm not anymore." mark chuckled. there's so much going on inside him plus he was slightly concerned what your mom thought of him. your mom caught him making with you but she seemed cool though but it was awkward.

"me too." deep down your blaming your mom.

you went back to class, you can't let mark skip[ another class again. you have to be a good influence. it was awkward but everyone already knows that you're dating, there's no reason to hide it and might just embrace it. mark apologized to the whole class, he didn't tell them his condition but he told them that he's going through something. even though mark still thinks that they are just using him, though at first that's how you perceived them but that really changed, for you it was a genuine friendship, they were so forgiving and i hope one day mark will accept that friendship.

since them, things went good though not perfect. his parents blamed themselves but you told them that that's the reason why mark didn't want to tell it to them, instead of continuing blaming themselves, they will give them all the love and support. mark never missed a session and you never missed going with him also.

and for the first time, you went to their church and the pastor is mark's father. you thought it was going to be like a normal day but...

"mark..." you sighed when he increased the intensity of the vibrator that he slipped while his father preaching. the front seats were occupied while you and mark are the only ones seating at the back.

you're squeezing and rubbing your thighs together, you felt so hot and wet. you badly want to moan, but that will be hard because you felt like once you moan, it will never stop.

"are you calling me love?" mark innocently asked you, he was saying that while putting the vibrator on max. you mouth opened while looking at mark's eyes. mark kept his smile while watching your orgasm face. he's doing unholy inside but worth it. he off the vibrator.

unfortunately all you can hear mark's father but can't understand it. you're still in ecstasy.

"my friends and family, it's not about finding the right person, it is becoming the right person, and if both partners think this way even the wrong shadows will be lighted by understanding. it's like saying i am the right person for the right person. tell this to your partner."

"i am the right person for the right person." mark whispered into your ears.

"hmm? what?" you weakly said. your eyes still closed. mark just chuckled and kissed your forehead.

"nothing." then put the vibrator to max.

"mark!" you screamed and everyone turned their heads towards you. you blood went down to your feet and nervously smile. "i- love your son sir..." you embarrassingly confessed. mark was trying to suppress his laugh while the people around you awed.

"and that's an example of my preach today."

you glared at mark, he just grinned and kiss your love.

"i love you too." he said.

"i want to smack you in the head." you angrily said. he just laughed.

this is going to be the last chapter. sorry for waiting to much, BUT there's a BONUS chapter there's no story on that just pure 🥵

✨if you want to be added in I’m Right For You Tag List, you can DM or Ask me so i can add you ✨

Tag List: @jenotation @babylion-mork @cloudykeiji @jjikyuu @sunshinedhyuck @wassup-haeyadwae @mrklyy @resceluwu @jenonctcity @wanlore @watermelonlovermark @erisxczenie @marksquare @lalaname

[rpbetter]

Urgh. Okay, full disclosure, I haven't been on tumblr much over the last week or so, because I was one of the people that Raven initially called out after the COAR mess, and it was in the interest of my own mental health to fuck off for a while so I didn't stress myself out into oblivion. So I'm scrolling through most of this stuff for the first time, and talking to other people who were targeted. And pardon my French here, but I'm fucking disgusted at the lengths Raven has gone to assert themselves as a victim, how many people they've affected, and the waving around of something as serious as suicide for brownie points.

I have sympathy for people who overinterpret things in a strictly emotional and mental sense (actual reactions aside) because they lack the maturity. There's always a reason for that, and it's not their fault. And I have sympathy for people if they legitimately feel suicidal. That, too, isn't their fault. If I hadn't been blocked, I would've reported Raven in case their claims were true as well, because yeah, I don't mess around with that stuff either. But what's unacceptable is how Raven acted on those sentiments and behaved towards others, even after people tried to provide perspective. How Raven claimed to be done with the drama, but continued inciting it; how they claimed to be suicidal and had left tumblr, but wrote what amounts to a "fuck you" in their header and were still putzing around on their blog, and were apparently still editing their posts until as late as today; how they claimed to have deleted but only changed the url; how they weaponized all of this stuff and used it as a tool for guilt-tripping. Like, come on. It's okay if you're down in the dumps, but it's not okay to treat innocent people like garbage, and carpet bomb half the RPC. To me, it really feels like there was an intent to weaponize all of their hurt, offense, anger, and suicidal ideations, despite the possibility it did come from somewhere genuine, and that's so harmful to anyone who is actually struggling with depression.

Every time someone weaponizes mental illness in this way, it just makes people more and more apathetic the next time someone is genuinely just hurting, and saying they feel like they're at the end of their rope. And it makes people suspicious of whether those words are being used maliciously, or legitimately. That suspicion and that association is now there, unconscious or not. And every time this kind of stuff happens, the association gets stronger. What happens if Raven does this again? Some people will still report, but some people might just scoff and walk away - people who might've actually acted before. So in a way, that kind of behaviour impacts Raven as much as it impacts other people.

And you know what? They're not the only one dealing with serious shit. I've been suffering from MDD for the last fifteen years, and I've been in the process of changing medications and having little success for months. I've been going through hell offline. I have a shit list of people I want to yell at because they're dragging their feet on really important things I need to function; I'm constantly running a deficit on spoons. Until a week or so ago, roleplay was one of the only ways I could unwind. So for Raven to bully me by sticking that stupid post in my tags, because they needed to make a scene on COAR, which I was obviously going to comment on (like many other people), then to "like" an unsubstantiated callout about me and other innocent people related to that mess, it's only worsened my own mental health. It sounds melodramatic, but really. Someone else mentioned this too, but the fear of being in another callout, and the fear of that first callout somehow exploding, was in the back of my mind all week, despite being away from tumblr. So that was a little anxiety-inducing, much as I tried not to think about it.

And I'm debating whether to return now, or take more time off, and I have no idea what to do. Because that callout post is still in my blog's tag. I'm freaking out because I was planning on approaching some people to roleplay, which is something I rarely ever do, but now I'm concerned that I'll contact someone, they'll look at my tag to get an idea of my writing/partners/who I am, and see the callout post, and immediately dismiss me because even seeing the word "callout" on its own will send up red flags, by unconscious association with more impactful drama. And as long as that callout is up, these fears are going to be there.

That's just not fair.

And Raven's "apology" is completely unacceptable. Like you and others said, it doesn't reach anyone who needs to hear it, because they've all been blocked. I would fucking love an apology if it came from a place of honesty, but am I going to receive one? Probably not. And even for the followers who can still see that apology, it doesn't address anything. It isn't directed to anyone in particular. It doesn't mention the specific behaviours that were wrong on their part. And miss me with the "my intentions were good" part. No, they weren't; going around blocks and sticking shit in peoples' tags is vindictive and entirely intentional in all the worst ways, and shame on them for pretending otherwise, and by leading with such a poor example for many roleplayers, some of whom are in their teens. One of the people who tried to message Raven (they, too, were called out on Raven's blog) was speaking to a nineteen-year old who was completely clueless about the extent of the manipulation Raven was pulling. They thought all of it was normal and acceptable behaviour. That genuinely terrifies me. And while I imagine if Raven was genuinely apologetic, they would've gone to the callout blog and ask them to delete the callout post (attempt it, at the very least), somehow, I don't think that would've happened given all of their prior actions. God forbid something else is going on there.

Phew. Yeah, I'm angry. Maybe I'm just biased and tired. But honestly, I have a right to be. Raven's apology is a handwave, and they know it. It's a slap in the face to me, to you, and to everyone else who was involved in this clusterfuck. They're not the center of the universe. They affected real people, with real problems of their own. Anyways, I am so sorry for this, argh. Really had to get this out, and I didn't want to dump it on discord or somewhere else; I sure as heck didn't want to go to COAR with it. But hey, maybe people here will feel less alone if I added my own account to the mix. The more, the merrier? In a sense, anyways. Sometimes if you feel like you've been singled out, it's nice to know you're not actually the only person it's happened to.

Sorry for saving your reply for last, Anon. It's such an important one, I wanted to be properly thoughtful!

I think that it is going to make some people feel less alone, and there is always some relief in sharing one's trials. That might be especially true when one has been unable to share them anywhere else. It's not like you can address this on your own blog right now, COAR is definitely not a safe place to do so, it's a very isolating feeling that is made worse for having done nothing.

Coming back and being required to wade through this shit was really damn disgusting to me as well, but at least in my case, I had neither been obliged to distance myself for the sake of mental health nor was I treated to the sickening display of drumming up ideas of victimization from someone who victimized me. What I experienced was just incredulity and disgust, I cannot imagine how incensing this must be for you, I am so very sorry. If it makes me angry having a degree of removal and watching in it real time? What you're experiencing...there really isn't a single word to adequately encapsulate that, I'm sure.

You've still expressed so many of the things I've thought and felt. I found all that initial behavior uncalled for, shameful, yet another display of what's actually wrong in the RPC, but it was increasingly upsetting to me the more I looked into it because it did feel a little (a lot) too reminiscent of the sort of bullying experienced in person. It's really something else to be viciously picked at by someone who keeps upping the game until such point as it begins to cause them trouble, then get to be painted the wrongdoer and punished in some way for it because they're presenting as a sympathetic victim. A more sympathetic victim than you, that's really what I mean, I'm just going to say it.

And that was already in swing by the time I got from the launch point to the smoking crater of then current events. I got to Raven's again after bouncing back and forth between their interactions with others, largely from COAR, yes, and the shit on the callout blog...to see...everyone else being blamed in increasingly drastic ways.

Because on tumblr, unlike reality, if you throw out enough times ahead of time that you have disorders people can get behind, you're more sympathetic, not less. So long as one has set that foundation and has others to broadcast it once convenient, any horrible action one undertakes is given a pass. Anyone disagreeing, anyone not tolerating the abuse, is in the wrong now. In the worst possible way, of course.

This whole thing began with incredibly unnecessary bullshit and every, I mean fucking every, further action taken was a new level of fucked up, but the trivializing of and damage done to the perception of mental health and differences is quite possibly the worst. Are those things that need any more of that? It's already such a problem! I already see suspicion and fatigue with this, every time it's given validation, it grows.

Even if I wasn't mentally ill, with one of the disorders that gets vilified even on tumblr, even if I were not autistic, even if I never knew a single person who suffered worse than I do from the the complications they won by way of being born, hadn't anyone I loved that took their lives, this would be extremely upsetting to me. Using the idea that "whatever I do, it's got to be acceptable because I am X" while not caring that anyone else is X, Y, and/or Z. Weaponizing it for bullying and sympathy simultaneously. Way too much. Incredibly gross and harmful, legitimately fucking problematic.

I want people to be taken seriously when they choose to speak of the boundaries their mental health requires, I want muns to be able to say that they are having a difficult time without it coming off (even to the rest of us with mental health conditions) as a ploy for attention/guilting for whatever action they desire be taken by partners, and I want people to take threats of oncoming, serious harm seriously. How are they to do this, when it is continually used as tool or weaponized against others? At very best, it becomes another thing to ignore and scroll by on the dash.

As we've all had the misfortune to experience or witness so recently, once it is weaponized, it's a problem of priority. I've said in damn near every message I've gotten that Raven isn't the only person involved here who has serious shit going on, but like the absurdity with trying to spin an accident as transphobia, or having the audacity to attempt speaking from a place of peace in a way that might benefit everyone, Raven included, resulting in a callout about being against ND people...it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter that any of us are neurodivergent, have serious chronic mental health complications, or are not cisgender. Raven was swinging that around like a flaming sword to drive off bigots real and imagined before we ever got their attention.

Attention they fucking asked for.

Reblogging that post from COAR was just like posting those rules. The intention was to get attention, and it was asked for with extreme hostility. I have no idea how that is coming off to anyone as simply them defending themselves. It was a great moment to either not out themselves as the person in the confession at all, not engage with it, quietly remove the post, or to reblog it and take responsibility in a meaningful way at that point. Can you imagine what a difference that would have made then? If Raven had chosen instead to reblog it and apologize for doing what they had. Just that. No shitty, snide little comments about how they're sorry, but still absolutely correct and here are five reasons why everything they've misconstrued won't be tolerated. Just an acknowledgment of wrongdoing, an apology for doing so, and awareness gained moving forward.

Their decision to interact with that post in the way they did wasn't just more of the same nonsense, it was actively upping the game. I don't really care if it was intentional bait or just continuing to let malicious impulse run free, it was used as bait. Everyone who interacted with that post was effectively consigning themselves to harassment, and if they happened to interact on literally any other topic that group held a passionately opposing opinion on, they were attacked for it. Curiously, it became necessary for them to be harassed by way of the callout blog, but that is getting a little close to off-topic, so, I'll leave it at that.

So, while I initially really wanted to have the appeal to Raven work because their expressions of regret that I was greatly on the fence about being genuine, I'd say those flags were accurate. I cannot believe that someone who took every opportunity to do the wrong thing is genuinely sorry. Sorry for themselves, absolutely, sorry for anything they did, not so much. This constant narrative I got of "they SAID they were sorry" and "they apologized again and again and took the posts down," including from Raven, is incredible. On that last one, they, yet again, couldn't actually address me.

Appropriate response: messaging me or reblogging that post (you know, the rules snippet I found right the hell there still, despite the claim of it being deleted and the final catalyst of me needing to say something after I saw that, nope, surely was not) with the acknowledgment of a single thing I said.

Extra appropriate response: ^ plus going to everyone who could still be located that they harmed with a genuine, individual, private apology.

Inappropriate response that was had: new post, shitty, childish tone like they at once wanted to argue with me and didn't want to drop the act, restating of this apology that had already been deleted and meant exactly shit while it existed, restating of how they deleted this post and couldn't control reblogs, ignoring that I literally reblogged the original copy from their blog.

Apology neither believed nor accepted. Just as it wouldn't be if my nephew came to my house, broke a bunch of my things, said he was sorry while throwing the pieces at my pet, then threw himself on the floor screaming that he said he was sorry when I told him to go have a time out.

(Yes, I absolutely did just make a comparison to a child, y'all can shit yourselves again. It's not my problem if you want to misconstrue "this person's actions are not befitting of an adult" as "Vespertine said autistic people are children!" Fucking miss me with that. I'm an autistic adult who pays my bills, apologizes, doesn't treat people like shit while trying to excuse it by being ND. You're offensive with that shit, and contributing to the negative perception people have of those on the spectrum. Be a good ally today! Don't valid that! Free ninety-nine offer!)

Again, sorry for yourself does not equal being sorry for what you've done. The former can contribute to the development of the latter, but as I said in a response yesterday, there has been no display of that beginning to transpire. I genuinely hope that will eventually be the case because that would be the best outcome, the only "best" outcome at this point. Even if it was two years from now, if it did happen, I certainly would not be kind to people refusing them any such growth in peace, and I hope that, by some distant chance, I get to prove that.

But...stating "my intentions were good" over any part of this is not remotely promising. When? Where? At what point? Oh, right, when you took it upon yourself to label a random mun you took issue with. That's when your intentions were good. Then, when you vehemently needed to defend that point by callouts and individual attacks under the guise of it definitely not being about your pride, no! It was the defense of everyone else! Defending the community by carpet-bombing it, yes. This is not a "the path to Hell is paved with good intentions" situation.

I am so disturbed about the nineteen-year-old mun, my god. I'm telling y'all, my anger and disgust almost reach what I think is a pinnacle, then there's something new like this.

I don't even subscribe to tumblr's ideology that anyone under twenty-five is an actual infant who needs be kept in a protective bubble and forgiven for all bad behavior with infinite kindness, nineteen-year-olds deserve the agency of the adultier adults they are becoming, but it is a transitional age. Especially today. Most socialization and formative ideas take place online, and by the time younger RPers are entering the adult sphere of RP here, they've already got some really unhealthy ideas. About themselves, about others. There is such a demand for rabidly performative action that gets internalized, it shouldn't be being heartily fed by people in the community they might look up to.

At that age, someone like Raven is going to be a person looked up to. They espouse all the right ideas, and it's an age in which aggressive interaction over those things is seen as amusing and correct, no matter how wrong the actions taken are or the basis upon which they are founded. When these people foster an environment of cruelty for questioning, of course, that is not going to be the natural response. The response is now going to be the requirement of being told otherwise with adequate proof.

I have suspected that many of the hateful anons I've gotten were from Raven's even younger followers who feel like it's normal, acceptable, and that everything they're being told by Raven's sales team over at the callout blog is absolutely true. Of course, they're now morally obligated to come harass me for the things they were told I did! I think it's likely that several of the anons people got were from actual minors, which is so many levels of scary and irresponsible. Really great example all around, yes!

Because whether it is one's intention or not, that is potentially exposing minors, or muns who are still close enough to be more negatively impacted, to who even knows what. As well as violating the rules of blogs who do not interact with minors for good reason, setting those blogs up for yet another callout for treating someone they didn't know was a minor the way they did or having "freak shit" on their blog. Setting up the other party to be treated with full hostility as an adult would be. Very cool, very responsible.

There is just so much here that is unacceptable, I don't think people who were not directly impacted or have never had a callout against them understand the results, and that is one more unacceptable thing you've been good enough to talk about.

Even while taking a break from the RPC, it affects you negatively. Wondering what you're coming back to, your blog is no longer a safe feeling space, and there's nothing you can do to "cultivate your blog" to change that. They've taken away the ability to simply block and avoid others, the thing that keeps all of us comfortable here as well as allowing that to be all of us no matter how disagreeable we might be to each other. Callouts negate adult behavior. Callouts mean that one doesn't know where more potential for harassment might be coming from, or how long we might have to be worried about that.

It would be a major concern for me as well about what putting myself out there to new writing partners might bring. What the success of that might be. It's incredibly unfair that they've made finding new people precarious and more unpleasant than it can be anyway. That puts all of the future of your RP here in question, and if you're like me, just dropping a muse, picking up another, and moving to a new URL isn't going to be a good choice for you. It isn't that simple if you dedicate time to a muse for a long period of time, when that's the case, that's the RP you want to do and have laid the groundwork for.

I don't know if it will help at all, but it has seemed to me, over the past several days, that there are fewer people in the RPC who are inclined to believe or support callouts than there once was. I was hoping that was the case, since there is always so much interaction on my posts against callout culture, but until this crap went down, I had no idea just how many people are not positive toward it. It has seemed to be that the people who are inclined to listen to callouts are just louder.

I've also noticed that those people have the same set of red flags, so maybe sharing that will help you or others?

They don't have simple, basic, reasonable Do Not Interacts. It isn't simply asking that minors don't interact because the mun is over eighteen, that muns writing a triggering topic not interact, or that sort of thing. No, it's URL dropping of specific muns, outright links to callouts or "receipts," and an accusatory tone about any topics or types of muns who shouldn't interact. Such as "nasty ass proshippers" or "pedo apologists shipping incest."

Their rules are reflective this as well. A statement cannot be made that they do not write, let's say, toxic ships and left at that. There will be some morality wank present about normalizing or romanticizing toxic/abusive relationships.

There are less assured flags, but literally, anything that stands out as an interest in RPC or fandom-based activism as opposed to an interest in writing, their muses, or even their friendships with a variety of muns. I don't mean a rounded-out interest in things, I really do mean a glaring predominance of buzzword-laden reblogs and PSA's while they've not written a reply, headcanon, or answered a meme in months.

I'm not saying any of that because I feel like you, or anyone else's, judgment is terrible or that you're oblivious to warning signs! It's just that when we've experienced bad situations, it can compromise our ability to see clearly. It becomes easy to see a potential threat everywhere, and maybe that seems contrary, but it's then easy to fail to see real threats from those we're blowing up. We question whether we're being just as judgmental as the people who wronged us, putting words in other muns' mouths and thoughts in place of their own as was done to us. While we still are afraid to be wrong in giving someone an in to ruining our time again.

So, please, don't feel like I'm questioning your intelligence or speaking from a place of ultimate knowledge, never making mistakes in such a choice! I just really hate that you, and many others, are going through this, and anything at all that I can think of that might help you move forward from this utter bullshit you've been through, I've got to try to grab it.

Because, Anon, like all those sharing their experiences these last few days, you sound like the kind of mun we need in the RPC.

You're someone willing to share with others for the benefit of others. You're being honest about your feelings of anger and even the hopeless sensation of whether it's even worth it to try to return, having your progress on and offline stomped on, while still maintaining a sort of fairness and calm that I know is not easy. Because that's the mature thing to do, it's the right thing, and unfortunately, those are usually the harder things to do as well.

You did the right thing in expressing your opinion and doing what people like Raven's group love to be on about, can only do through bullying: not tolerating it. I'd hate for the RPC to lose someone like you!

Just as your message matters to more people out there than myself, I have no doubt that your choice to not quietly allow this behavior mattered to more muns than you'll ever know. I'm sure that none of them would have wanted this result for you, but so many muns have experienced such toxic, bullying behavior over the years in which not a soul spoke up.

Many of you proved something very important with challenging Raven and the callouts blog, that unlike them, it isn't necessary for good people to even know each other to do the right thing. They have to dogpile and engage in cliquish behavior, what they do isn't coming from a place of inner ethics and strength, but what you all did? It's the opposite.

So, not only do I thank you again for sharing and providing the important support of simply not being alone to others, I thank you for being the example to the RPC that people dealing in callouts and generalized shaming cannot be, no matter their platform.

I hope that, whether you choose to remain, leave, or take a very long break, everything you've been dealing with starts to look up. I know it's easy to say things made hollow for their repetition and flippant use, like telling you not to let them win, or that their bullshit just isn't that important. So, I'm not going to say them.

It doesn't work that way when you're dealing with mental health concerns! You can logically know that this is just petty bullshit not worth being run out of something important to you, but that doesn't stop the worry, frustration, or depression. You can have all the determination in the world to hang in there, even the spite to back it up, but neither is a match for the things you cannot control coming from your brain. That is the cruelty of mental illness on the very best of days.

You have all of my respect, support, and genuine sympathy that this happened to you. No one should be allowed to continually and unapologetically go out of their way to throw a wrench into someone's hard-won progress. You did nothing to deserve this, and the people out there worth interacting with are going to be the same ones who will have no question of that.

Lastly, I also hope that some of the anons sharing their experiences have helped you feel less alone, or like you're not just irrationally upset. Please know that you're seen and supported as well! And that you are always welcome to talk more, vent, share successes here.

Thank you, Anon.

[monomonomagines]

hello! could i get the DR2 boys calming down their s/o after they've had a panic attack? if you're uncomfortable writing about this kind of thing then that's fine too

I'm totally fine writing about this stuff anon. I've struggled my whole life with a severe case of anxiety disorder so I understand how asks like this can be very comforting or even therapeutic. I do hope you like it but I can only write from my own experiences with anxiety so I'm not sure if it will be exactly the same as what you experience. Regardless, I do hope you enjoy this and feel free to tell me if you'd want anything changed!

Teruteru

He's not used to helping someone when they're having a panic attack but he'll try his hardest to do what he can.

As most people know, he's a very touchy-feely person so as long as it's not a trigger for you he'll give you lots of reassuring touches.

It can vary from something as small as holding your hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze to holding you to his chest and brushing your hair out of your face.

He's unusually gentle with you whenever you do have an attack and likes to give you lots of affection even after you've calmed down.

He's panicked quite a bit over his own mother's health so it's not foreign to him but he isn't used to having attacks himself.

Regardless, you can expect some reassuring words and your favorite meal anytime you do have an attack so it's not all bad and Teruteru will be sure to remind you of that.

Imposter/BBB

He's normally prepared for anything so he knows all the right things to do, only getting caught off guard by one of your attacks on occasion.

Even if it isn't necessary he'd learn all your triggers and what to avoid so he'd be able to comfort you most effectively.

He isn't very touchy like Teruteru but he's great at talking you out of an attack, simply taking you aside and giving you some calming words.

If anything isn't working would be when he'd probably try other methods like asking you to focus on your senses to ground yourself.

It's a wonder that he's so good at calming others down but it isn't hard to understand.

He's normally pretty level headed even in high-stress situations himself so maybe he has experience with knowing ways to stay calm.

Regardless he's very good at helping you out and will offer for the two of you to get something to eat after.

Nagito

It's no exaggeration that Nagito would do anything to help you when you're having a panic attack but he isn't the best at comforting.

He was used to being alone mostly due to his awful luck so he may try just to hold you, telling you how important you are to him and how you don't have to be so scared.

He'd make a split decision on what to do and keep you close to him, petting your hair and letting you listen to his heartbeat.

This could go two ways though depending on your triggers and with his luck, whatever he does may end up making things worse.

If it does, he'll still try to help unless he absolutely can't.

If he can't though he'll make sure you recover from it well and treat you to whatever you want to make up for being so useless in your time of need.

Fuyuhiko

Fuyuhiko is used to putting on a brave face even in the toughest of times so he's not very accustomed to things like panic attacks.

It isn't that he doesn't care but he may try to convince you that there's nothing to freak out about until he realizes how serious this is.

Once he does, he'll take drastic actions to either rid the area of your triggers or to get you two the hell out of there.

He isn't really great at understanding how this all works but he'll do what he can and he won't be opposed to learning how to help out more but for now, he'll just remove you from whatever could be stressful or scary.

In the end, he may not be able to do much but make sure you know that he'll protect you no matter what, even if it's from something others may see as stupid.

After an attack, he'll let you stay with him until you feel better but he won't be able to do much else.

Kazuichi

He's not the best to have around during a panic attack since he mostly feeds off of other's feelings but he's desperate to make you feel better.

He'll most likely tell you to focus on him and nothing else as though you're in some romance movie but he's not sure what to do other than to cup your cheeks in his hands as he gives you words of assurance.

If you end up being too anxious to calm down he may get upset but it wouldn't be with you. He'd just be down because he'd feel as though he can't be of help to you.

However, he'll always take you out for ice cream or whatever else you might want once you're calm enough.

Ice cream fixes everything right?

Hajime

Hajime is the most normal out of this group but he's not unaccustomed to things like panic attacks.

He doesn't have them himself but he would probably know the most due to others always relying on him.

He won't be exceptional at calming you down but he's not bad at it either.

He'd know how to walk you through a grounding exercise at least and is levelheaded enough to quickly look up what to do if all else fails.

He probably ask later what triggers you so that he knows how to better calm you down next time but he probably won't commit as many to memory as BBB.

Afterwards though, he'll take you home and spend as much time as you want together, putting on some funny videos or a game the two of you can play casually.

Nekomaru

This man wants to kick your triggers ass!

Which may or may not be reassuring. I mean it's a nice sentiment but during an attack, it isn't very calming either.

As kind as he is he may be the worst at coaching you through an attack as he'll try to reassure you with sports talk.

"Go s/o go! Show that anxiety what's for!"

He's trying but you'll probably have to coach him later on how to help you the next time.

To make up for it he'll do anything you want. Hell, he'll even carry you home if you need it since he couldn't be very helpful this time.

Although he isn't great at it the first time you have an attack, he takes what you tell him to do very seriously and commits it all to memory so next time you do have an attack he'll have your back.

Gundham

Gundham isn't in touch with how to act in most situations so he's clueless with how to help to with an anxiety attack.

He knows how to calm scared animals down though so he may end up trying to use similar methods and if those fail he'll turn to other means.

If he's beyond any idea of how to calm you, he'll have you pet one of his hamsters in hopes that it'll somehow help while trying to give you comforting words in, er Gundham speak.

He'll try like most to learn what to do next time better once you're calmed down but he'll always give some ridiculous title to whatever he's doing to help you even if it's just holding your hand.

At least you'll know you're loved once you see how much he cares for you in the end.

After an attack, he'll take you to his place and let you pet all the animals you want if it helps. If not he'll go wherever his dark messiah commands of him.

[defschoice]

The Foreigner Part 3

Youngjae's POV 

Me, Yugyeom, and Bambam are taking care of Crystal until the other boys are back again, hopefully with Jaebeom. Bambam is currently in the shower and Yugyeom is trying to cook some dinner while I'm watching some TV to Crystal's mind off of everything that's going on and that's when I get a call from Jackson...

"Hey Jackson have you found him?" - I said walking a bit away from Crystal

"Yeah that's what I wanted to talk with you about..." - He said sounding scared

"What happened?" - I ask getting worried now as well

"The doctor called and said they have just gotten Jaebeom Hyung in and they want us to come as quick as possible" - He said when I could feel my eyes started to tear up

"Okay, we will be there in 10 minutes. Should we take Crystal with us?" - I asked trying to remain calm

"Idk, we don't know how bad his condition is but if you bring her one of us will have to stay outside with her" - He said as I just said okay and hung up.

I walked over to Yugyeom as Bambam came over as well.

"Jackson just called and Jaebeom is at the hospital. They don't know how bad his condition is but they want us to come as quick as possible, so I'm thinking if me and Bambam head off now then Yugyeom you can feed Crystal and then come afterward, okay?" I said as they nodded their heads when Crystal suddenly stood next to us.

"Is Jaebeom appa okay?" She asked looking at us with her big brown eyes.

"Appa needs our help right now, okay? So me and Bambam will have to go see him and in the meantime, Yugyeom will take good care of you, and then he will bring you to us later, okay princess?" She just nodded her head, I don't think she fully understands what's going on which is good.

Yugyeom's POV

As the boys left I was now alone with Crystal.

"Is appa dead?" Crystal said looking up at me tearing eyes.

"No no appa is alive, don't worry. He just needs a bit of advice from the other boys. I promise you will get to see him soon" I said as she now was sitting on my lap.

"We're going to eat some food and then we will leave to see appa okay?" I said as she just nodded her head.

She started eating some ramen and pork belly while I went to clean the kitchen bit.

"Are you done?" I asked looking at her as she nodded her head.

I walked with her in my arms down to my car.

"Why are we going to the hospital?" She asked tearing up again.

How do I explain this to her?

"Your appa has gotten a small injury but he's okay, don't worry," I said as we arrived and I took her out and we walked inside to be greeted by the other boys so was sitting and waiting.

"Where's Jinyoung?" She asked now fully crying as Jackson went up to take her into his arms.

"Shh it's okay, Jinyoung is in talking with the people who are going to make Jaebeom feel better," I said as she clung to my chest and nodded her head.

A short time after Jinyoung came out and a doctor and a nurse also came out.

"Hello I'm Doctor Jung and this is the Nurse. I want you guys to come with me for a second" He said as we all stood up and he saw Mi Cha with Jackson.

"I will have to kindly ask you to leave your child out here with our nurse as she can't come with you guys in," The doctor said as we looked nervously at each other.

"Sweetie, you'll have to wait out here for a bit, okay?" Jackson said placing her on the chair but she didn't seem to like that idea.

"I want to see appa!!" She screaming jumping up and down when she fell and started crying making a whole tantrum in the hallway.

"You have to wait out here with me and brothers and dad will be back before you know it" The nurse said holding her down as we were told to just go.

We followed the doctor down the hallway and then into a room where Jaebeom was laying hooked up to all kinds of machines. He didn't look good.

"As you can see he's badly injured. We did an x-ray on him to see that his arm is badly sprained and he has hit his head when he reached the ground" The doctor said as we looked at him just laying there breathing lightly.

"How did this happen?" Jackson asked looking at the doctor.

"He was very drunk when he came in and mumbled about the girl out there and cats before he then passed out" The doctor explained as Jinyoung walked over to take Jaebeom's hand.

"Oh Jaebeom..." he said looking at him.

"Is the girl out there his daughter?" The doctor asked.

"Yes, he adopted her a week ago," Jinyoung said smiling a bit while holding Jaebeom's hand.

"She seems to be a lovely girl. How old is she?" He asked looking at us.

"She's 10 but it's been a bit hard for her recently and everything is still a bit confusing for her," Youngjae said looking up at the doctor.

"Well, you can go back to her now if you want," The doctor said leaving the room.

As we came back she was sitting with a lollipop "Uncle Jackson look what I got!" She said running up to him as the nurse just smiled at her.

"Good thing that Yugyeom gave you dinner before you came here," I said kissing her cheek as she smiled leaning into my chest.

"She's an adorable girl. I was looking in her journal and wondering if we could take a few tests on her?" The nurse said as Jackson walked with the nurse.

Jackson's POV

I followed the nurse and walked with Crystal into a room that was decorated for kids.

"Have you seen her journal?" The nurse asked looking at me.

I shook my head as she handed me her journal.

"Name: Seo Yoona

Age: 10

Birthday: September 15th, 2010

Condition: A good and healthy girl but there are a few scars on her back that should be taken care off

Diseases: PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), suffers from anxiety due to abuse when she was younger

Relations: Mum, Dad, and older brother but she was taking away from at a young age"

I handed her the journal back as I just looked at Crystal and smiled.

"So should I just call you Crystal?" I asked as she nodded hiding in my chest.

"It's okay princess she's not going to hurt you," I said sitting her straight up on my lap.

"Okay Crystal I need you to lay on his bed so that I can check you properly," The nurse said as I lifted her up but she just nodded her head as a no.

"Is okay if I lay with her?" I asked looking at the nurse who allowed it.

I laid down on the bed but she still didn't want to come up to me.

"Sir is it okay if I show on you what's going to happen?" She asked as I nodded my head.

"Crystal, look here. I'm going to show you what is going to happen. Okay?" The nurse said as I took my shirt off so she could do it properly.

She started checking my heartbeat which seemed to be fine. Then she took my pulse which was a little high.

"Sir, are you stressed or anything?" She asked looking worried at me.

"I'm a little nervous for my friend," I said as she just nodded her head.

Then she went on to feel my stomach and everything seemed harmless until she reached my hips.

"I'll have to look more into this later on," She said with a little smirk.

"Jackson it looks as to that you're healthy," She said reading and writing in my journal.

"Crystal it's your turn now," I said lifting her up on the bed as the nurse started checking her while I got a shirt on again.

A few minutes after she was done.

"See that wasn't so bad, was it?" I said smiling at Crystal.

"Okay if you go out to the other boys then I'll just talk a bit with the nurse," I said as she nodded her head and ran out to the other boys.

"Now we can start the real check-up," she said smirking slightly while preparing some stuff.

"Jackson if you would take your clothes off and lay on the bed," She said I started removing my clothes.

Jinyoung's POV

After a while, Crystal came running out of a room where to take her up on my lap.

"Where's Jackson?" I asked looking at her.

"He's talking with the nurse," She said leaning her head on my chest yawning.

It's getting late I think it's best if she comes home again and gets some sleep.

"Mark and Youngjae can't you take Crystal home and make sure she gets some sleep?" I said as they nodded and Mark went over to her up in his arms.

Sometime after Mark and Youngjae had left two doctors came walking out with Jaebeom supporting him on each side.

"I will get him a wheelchair and then he's ready to go home. He just needs to take it to slow the next few days" The doctor said leaving for then to come back with a wheelchair.

"Have a save trip home" He said as we started walking when Jaebeom suddenly asked, "Where's Jackson?" As he looked at all of us.

That's right, the last time I saw him he went with Crystal in for a check-up. Damn it I can't even ask her what happened in there.

"I will go look for him," I said as I went into the room he went into with Crystal at first, only to see him shirtless tied to a chair. 

"Jackson wtf are you doing? Let's go. They have released Jaebeom" I said tying him up from the chair as he took his shirt and we went out when a nurse came up to him. 

"Where are you going, Jacky?" She asked putting her hand on his chest obviously flirting with him which we don't have time to right now. 

"Jackson needs to leave now and he won't be coming back," I said taking his hand dragging him with me to the others as we left the hospital. 

Mark's POV 

As we arrived at our dorm I took Crystal out of her child seat when she started screaming and a short time after Youngjae came running down as he was up in the dorm with some stuff. 

"What's happening?" He asked looking worried as he took Crystal over in his arms and he leaned into his chest grabbing onto him. 

"Let's go up and get you in bed," He said walking up in the dorm with her. 

I just want to be close to her as well as the other boys are...

[sometimesrosy]

I was a little disappointed when OH came out as fake, but oddly also more excited because that means I have no idea what to expect! I'm going to do what you mentioned in a previous post about having no expectations and just enjoying the ride. I'm so hyped for this week! I hope they have Bellamy talk to Clarke to keep him sane like she did. That would be awesome! Regardless, I'm just happy to see Bell again. Hope you're having a good day :)

I was disappointed too, but I also wasn’t taking them that seriously, and was kind of just having fun with them. They gave me ideas but I never really even *remembered* what they said was going to happen. 

I think it is SO much more enjoyable to just sit there in wide eyed wonder not knowing or even HOPING for what comes next.

I, mean, I OBVIOUSLY want Bellarke and i’ll be honest, that causes a lot of stress and anxiety for me.

That’s actually one of the reasons I have been enjoying these episodes, because the bellarke pressure was removed.

Bellamy wasn’t there. There was no point being angry about it. No point WANTING him to be there. He just wasn’t. So. Okay. 

I had no expectations and enjoyed the story of all our other mains and secondaries. They are good stories, with the POSSIBLE exception of Sheidheda and the faithful. Actually Sheidheda is more interesting now that he’s not pretending to be Russell. Maybe it’s the faithful that I didn’t like. Freaking wimps. Whiners. Suckers.

Not the sanctumites, the ones who STILL BELIEVED in those evil mofos.