#or say you read fic from an author who makes great stuff and sometimes you can read their work

[techmomma]

There is a degree to which we are responsible for our emotions. And certainly, we are responsible for our reactions and behavior.

In situations that we have control, situations where a friend is hurting us, like yes, maybe they shouldn't be hurting you. But there are also actions you have to take on your part.

Think of it like an ocean wave. If you go to the beach and a wave surprises you and gets you wet, and you're upset by this, that is perfectly reasonable.

If you keep standing there, letting yourself get wet and get more upset, when you can move away, then that's on you. I mean, it's your choice to do so. If you don't like getting wet and you just stand there getting wet when you can take a few steps back, you can do so. But it's also unnecessary stress, and you give up your own agency. Saying "I can't control this" when there are very much parts you can control denies your own responsibility in this situation. You can't control the waves from crashing, but you can step away from them.

If you know that a friend is going to keep disappointing you, there are two different actions we can take here: a proactive, and a reactive action.

A reactive action looks like knowing they're going to disappoint you or upset you, they do so, and you react to this. Nothing changes, and it keeps happening, and you continue to be upset. Your anxieties remain unaddressed and continue to hurt you.

A proactive action looks like knowing they're going to disappoint you or upset you and taking the steps to mitigate stress in anticipation of this. And THAT can look like setting down a boundary, removing yourself from the situation (no longer participating in the thing that your friend disappoints you about or no longer asking them to do X when they won't), or accepting that they will disappoint you--meaning you are at peace with the idea of them disappointing you, not "I am going to continue letting them disappoint me but it's going to upset me every time."

It means addressing the source of your stress and what upsets you before it actually does. And like. That's hard! It fucking sucks!

Especially for those of us who've grown up in situations where we didn't have any choice but to be reactive, because oh I don't know, we were children and didn't have any other options. And now we've grown up into adults who feel like there's no other option but to sit there and take it. Like there's no other choice but to be stressed and upset.

Part of healing from this kind of abuse, managing our stress in proactive, responsible ways means we no longer settle anymore, for being hurt. "Just taking it" when people hurt us and won't change. And as adults, that is kind of our responsibility and no one else can really do that for you. That's kind of part of being emotionally mature, is understanding yourself, and being responsible with your own emotions.

We sometimes can't change what other people will do. But we can change what we do, in response. And we can take care of our stressors before they stress us out.

[vids-rdr2-artblog]

Saving Mary-Beth

I wanted to write a little fic where Kieran shows off that he’s not really a coward and saves Mary-Beth after she’s been kidnapped. I might write a second part that’s just pure fluff. 

Pairing: Kieran and Mary-Beth

Trigger Warnings: Violence against women, Murder, Abuse, Time period sexism. 

(Please do not read if you are sensitive on these topics!)

7,203 words

Thank you @glenechoslasher for beta reading for me <3

Read it on AO3

***

Mary-Beth ventured into Rhodes with Mr. Pearson, having volunteered for the task for many different reasons—she loved to check and see if there were new books or authors listed in the newspaper and to simply get away from Miss Grimshaw. There was this relief that prickled the back of her neck when she knew that the woman wasn’t right there, breathing down her neck in the back of the wagon, and there was a sense of freedom seeing the open roads rather than their crowded camp. 

Pearson talked the entire way, so Mary-Beth didn’t bring a book, as much as she’d rather drown herself in words rather than his nonsense. This man probably had his lungs stored in his stomach or had a second pair because Mary swore she never saw him take a breath between his sentences. But she listened to him anyway, glad the trip between Rhodes and Clemens Points wasn’t long. 

“I’m glad you like to listen to me, Miss Mary!” Pearson said, sounding genuinely excited, which did make her feel good in some way, “Sometimes the others don’t like to listen to my stories, but you’re a good girl, Mary-Beth. When people say someone doesn’t have a mean bone in their body, you’re who I think of. I should take you on trips more often!” He laughed.

Mary-Beth became flustered and nodded, not wanting to say anything to bring down the mood of the jovial man, “Of course, Pearson. I think I read something in a book once about a brave navy man who sorta reminds me of you.”

Pearson perked up. “Oh? What book?”

Mary-Beth thought of a quick lie, a finger to her chin, “I don’t remember because it was so long ago, but if I find or remember it, I’ll tell you immediately!”

“Thanks, Mary. I’m not sure if I’d read it or not, but it’s great to see when great men are recognized.”

Pearson’s smile grew as he flicked the reins of the horse a bit more vigorously, and eventually, they reached Rhodes. It was sometime around 1pm, not too early and not too late into the afternoon. Thanks to Arthur being deputized here in Rhodes, she didn’t fear the lawmen as much as she did in Valentine and didn’t worry that they would be watching her every move. The folks here were a lot calmer and some of the women actually waved to her as she passed by. Welcoming, really. But man did she hope that the people of Rhodes didn’t think that she and Pearson were man and wife. A feller could get the wrong idea seeing them arriving on the cart together. She supposed however that if they had to hide their identities that way, then she would have to go through it even if she didn’t like it. Though her inner reader was curious and she had wondered how a romance between a couple with the likeness of them would interact. The girl did have a wild imagination, after all. 

Pearson parked the wagon next to the general store and the two climbed down, meeting at the back of the wagon. It seemed that they came at the right time because the train had just reached the station, its whistle blowing in the air. The man put his hands on his back and stretched his body, Mary hearing a few pops as she did so. He whistled at the store, “I’d love to have one of these puppies sometime. I think it would be exciting to run a shop like this!” he said excitedly before turning toward their empty wagon. He took out pieces of parchment from his pocket and handed one to her but kept the other for himself. “Alright then, I’ll have you get the stuff that we need from the general store and then I’ll go over to the butcher for some real meat. Arthur’s been good at gettin’ money for us, but he ruins a lot of the meat he brings to us, skinnin’ them himself…Plus I want something other than venison once in a while…” He grumbled mostly to himself then resumed, “You got all that?”

Mary-Beth nodded excitedly and held the note to her chest, “I got it, Pearson. When I’m done, I’m going to go find the newspaper boy, OK? I want to see if there’s been any new releases or authors.”

“Sure, sure.” Pearson nodded then took money from his pocket, “Here’s the money from the box. Buy ONLY what’s on the list or else Dutch will have our heads. You shouldn’t have to pay the men to put everything in the wagon, so let me know if they try to trick you.” He pointed a finger. “I’ll meet you back in an hour, Mary-Beth. An hour.”

“An hour, yes. Will do, Pearson.” Mary-Beth smiled and glanced over the list. Most of what he had put was canned vegetables and fruits, bread, and luxuries such as tea, cigarettes, and chewing tobacco. She was surprised to not see ammo on the list but some of the other gang members probably took care of that separately from a simple grocery trip. 

Taking the list to the man behind the counter, “Hello, I have a pretty big order to put in, can I get some men to help load some crates and put them on my wagon?” “Sure can.” The clerk pushed the catalog to her and she pointed out everything she needed and read off the number that was on the list. Reading it to him also gave her the comfort that she wouldn’t be scammed because she was a woman. Most men assumed that women couldn’t read, so she made sure to show that she could. “When do you think you could take it out to the wagon?”

The man answered as he rang her up on the cash register, “Oh, you’ll be able to load it immediately. We’re actually well-staffed, and my young men will be able to help ya. Maybe about fifteen minutes.” He smiled and told her the amount she needed to pay. 

Mary counted the bills and handed them to the man. She double checked the change before pocketing it. There would always be a side of her that believed anyone was capable of scamming her only because she was the type of person to do the scamming herself. She leaned against the counter with her hands, “It’s the wagon parked out next to the store. My companion is over at the butcher’s and he might come back in time to help out too. Do you need me to wait here, or could I go on another quick errand?”

“My boys will start putting your order together now and start loading on yer wagon. They’re fine boys too, I ain’t never had to swat them once. So you can stay and watch or come back when we’re done.”

Mary-Beth smiled and nodded, pushing off the counter, “Thanks sir, I won’t be too long. I just want to grab a newspaper. Do you know where it’s at?”

“Oh, the boy likes to move around town, but I think I spotted him toward the saloon, if you know where that is.”

“Uh huh, I do sir. Thank you!” Mary-Beth pocketed everything and left the general store. After taking a quick glance over to the butcher’s and seeing that Pearson was still busy haggling with the butcher, Mary-Beth headed toward the saloon with a chipper smile on her face, comfortable walking around the town by herself since it didn’t feel dangerous at all. 

As she headed up the road and toward the saloon, she kept her ears open for a newspaper boy, announcing the next paper but heard nothing. Maybe he sold out that day…Damn…Maybe the saloon had a copy that she could borrow for a couple of minutes.

Mary-Beth placed her hand on the door to the building but it didn’t budge. Damnit. Locked. Were they closed or was she just at the wrong entrance?

Making her way along the side of the saloon, she kept her eyes on the windows, trying to spot anyone inside. There wasn’t, and from the little that she saw of the bar, she noticed that even the bartender was out. It was strange to see the saloon closed at such a weird hour of the day, but maybe all towns acted differently than each other, and maybe not everyone here was a stupid drunk. 

Mary-Beth came around the back end of the saloon and just as she did, she heard voices. She instantly hid along the edge of the house. Two Irish-speaking men had a man wearing an apron held against the wall, a gun at his abdomen. Down at their feet was the body of a younger man. Dead. Mary-Beth looked behind her and realized that she had been so busy looking into the windows that she hadn’t noticed the blood trail right under her shoes. She had walked into a murder scene in the making. 

Mary-Beth’s instincts told her to flee. Just seconds after she saw the scene, she turned to leave, her jaw clenched shut. But someone was there now. She met the stale breath and before her stood a man. Then, there was a blinding pain above her left eye, right on her temple, his arm casting a shadow over her. Blood poured out from the gash on her head immediately. She hadn’t been knocked out immediately, but she fell back enough that the men behind the saloon noticed and dropped the man in the apron. She tried to crawl away but there was pressure in her lower back as her attacker pressed his heel and spur there. “What do we have here?” The one who had held a gun to the man in the apron approached, using the butt of his gun to lift Mary-Beth’s chin, causing a searing pain slice through her forehead. He swatted her hand away when she instinctively went to touch it. She could barely think of words to say.

“A witness. I saw her peeking around the corner at the two of you.”

“Tsk. Tsk. I hate to kill such a pretty thing, but I did tell the dead feller over there that there would be no witnesses. I’d be a bad man if I didn’t keep my promises.”

Mary-Beth flinched when his thumb pulled back the hammer of his cattleman, cocking it. 

The third man pulled his shoulder back enough that he stopped the man from shooting Mary-Beth. It took the woman a few seconds to realize that her brains hadn’t been splattered along the ground and that she was alive. 

“Wait a second there, I think I recognized her. I think I saw this woman in that livestock town with that shitty Arthur Morgan once. She might be a part of the Van Der Linde gang.”

Mary-Beth’s blood ran cold. Were these Irishmen O’Driscolls? She was in trouble…

The man with a gun whistled and looked down at Mary-Beth with hungry eyes. “Well, will ya lookie here. A simple armed robbery is turning into a gang heist. I won’t even ask you if you’re a part of the gang. If you are, then they’ll come save you. If you aren’t or if they’re dumb enough to save such an insignificant whore like yourself, then we’ll just kill ya. We won’t be wasting any of our supplies because we won’t feed ya. How does that sound, bitch?” He didn’t wait for an answer, not that she would have answered him in the first place, “Tie her up.”

“No—!” But before Mary-Beth could scream, her attacker kneeled right on her back where her lungs were, knocking the air from them. He shoved a nasty-tasting cloth in her mouth before tying her up with a lasso, pulling her arms behind her back. 

The O’Driscoll, with the gun, holstered it before he kneeled in front of her, sticking his finger into her blood, making the pain in her head significantly worse. She didn’t know what he was using her blood for but he kept pressing his thumb in the same spot before he finished whatever he was doing. “Take her to the horses, use the train to not be seen. And you…” He turned to the man with the apron, pointing his gun at him now, “Not another word of what happened here, yeah? We know where you work and where you live, so even if you blab about what happened here after we’ve left, we’ll come back and kill your family then force feed you their guts. Got that?” 

The man in the apron nodded, quickly disappearing inside, glad that his life had been spared, even if it cost this woman he didn’t know.

The last thing Mary-Beth remembered was being carried by the two men, one at her legs and one at her shoulders. With the throbbing headache she had, she was hardly able to squirm, and unable to scream. They carried her across the train and to their horses hidden on the other side. 

Who would save Mary-Beth?

Pearson returned the wagon and didn’t find Mary-Beth there. It wasn’t strange, considering she said he was going to track down the paperboy. Plus, it hadn’t been an hour exactly. So, he placed the carefully packaged meats and placed them on a crate that had already been loaded by the shop. He saw the boys bringing out a few more crates. 

One greeted him with a smile, “There’s just four more inside, sir.”

“Bring 'em’ out here and leave them on the stairs. I can get the rest of it from here.” Pearson took out two dollars from his own pocket and gave them each one for their hard work. They thanked him before bringing the rest of the gang’s provisions out and setting them at the top of the chairs. Pearson expected Mary-Beth to be back by the time he loaded up the last of the crates and strapped them down, but she wasn’t. 

She’s probably just talking to a local. She’s a good, chatty girl. We can’t go anywhere with the train being there anyway.

And so Pearson waited. And waited. The longer he waited, however, the worse he began to feel, especially when he heard the whistle of the train before it slowly left the station. There wasn’t quite anything right about this. Mary-Beth wouldn’t have told him one thing and then done another. Something must be wrong. 

“Mary-Beth?” he asked and looked down the alleyways around the general store and even the buildings surrounding it. Nothing. Wait, she did talk to the general store man, maybe he knows something. So, Pearson stepped into the building and walked straight up to the man, “Excuse me sir, my womanly…companion came up to you earlier to pay for the stuff that’s in the wagon next to your store. I can’t seem to find her though, did you happen to see where she went?”

The clerk cocked his head. “Oh yes, I did. She was looking for the newspaper, so I pointed her in the direction of the saloon.”

“Okay, thanks, sir.”

“No problem, thank you for your purchase, and have a good day.”

“You too.”

If Mary-Beth went to the saloon for a drink then it would make sense as to why she hadn’t returned yet. If she were a man. Mary-Beth was so…feminine and it didn’t seem to be like her to wander off for a beer or two. If it had been Karen with him instead, then there would be no doubt about it that she went out for drinks, but Mary-Beth didn’t do that sort of thing. Not to his knowledge, at least. 

Pearson made a quick trip to the saloon. He wasn’t sure if it had been busy beforehand but there were a couple men who looked more sober than the bartender themselves, so they must have just gotten there. 

“S’cuse me, you see a woman around here?” Pearson approached the bar and tried to ignore the hungry look in the men’s eyes when he said the word woman. 

The bartender looked drunk and dissociated from his job as he cleaned an already cleaned glass, only smudging it more. There was a nasty bruise on his eye, leading down to his jaw. Pearson wondered what happened to him. He probably shouldn’t have asked in the first place and just searched around the place himself. He only didn’t want to seem like a creep or worse, a thief. 

“Nope. Not around here.” 

“Alright, thank you kindly,” Pearson said without revealing much more to the conversation so the men who were drinking didn’t get any funny ideas. 

Pearson snuck around the side of the saloon before his stomach dropped. There on the ground was a drop of blood, leading to around the back of the saloon, accompanied by larger dried splotches of blood. His immediate thought was of Mary-Beth. Oh god, she’s dead! Mary-Beth is dead and I let her die! However, when he looked closer at the blood, he noticed that it wasn’t fresh and more dried up. He wasn’t an expert at human blood, but after skinning dead animals for as long as he had…He could tell when blood was new and old. It couldn’t have been more than an hour. This wasn’t Mary-Beth’s blood. However, it didn’t mean that there couldn’t be anything waiting for him around the corner. 

Following the blood, he stepped around the corner and found a mutilated body. 

There was a young man. Probably late teens or early twenties. Probably around the same age of the men who helped load his cart. His eyes were gone and lacerations around his body explained the blood that soaked the ground. It already had a decomposing smell of it, tangling with the smell of vomit and alcohol. While he didn’t like murder like this—it was overkill—he was secretly glad that he didn’t encounter the body of Mary-Beth torn to shreds. 

Pearson stepped closer and noticed a piece of wood with a knife in it laid out on the palm of the dead man’s hand. The closer he got, the more he realized that there was blood on the wood too, but it was fresher, drawn out methodically on the wood. He had to kneel to read the blood writings, which sent a chill down his spine. 

AM

DVL

3 DAY

COLM

And then there was a drawn picture of a location with a noose on it. 

There, lying next to the dead man’s hand was a cut lock of Mary-Beth’s hair and a torn piece of cloth that matched the same color and texture of the dress she had been wearing. The blood on the board was Mary-Beth’s. It was fresher compared to the dead male’s, making the man want to vomit.

Pearson’s mouth dried when he concluded what had happened. The O’Driscolls had kidnapped Mary-Beth and left a message for Dutch and Arthur about where to meet them. The O’Drisicolls had them by the balls and were steering them in the direction that they wanted them to go. 

Pearson tore the knife from the board and hid it on his belt, unsure if it was what ended this man’s life or was just left to accentuate their message. After hiding the lock of hair and cloth that would link Mary to this man, he grabbed the wood and rushed away from the scene as fast as possible, not wanting to be caught. Good thing the time meant that most men were working, though he wondered if they had gone at a different time if this would have even happened at all. Mary-Beth would be back at camp with her nose buried in one of her books. 

As much as he wanted to go to the sheriff, he knew he couldn’t. It involved his gang and the O’Driscolls! That wasn’t a good combination. 

Getting back to his wagon as fast as he could, Pearson raced back to his camp, constantly looking over his shoulder, not wanting to be ambushed on the way back, or followed back to camp. At some point along the ride, he considered abandoning the wagon and riding the horse back to camp, but he would still risk being followed and at the additional loss of money and supplies. 

“Who’s there?” Came John’s rough voice when he came close enough.

“It’s Pearson!” Pearson raced on by, doing his best to not tip the wagon by how fast he was rolling into camp. The horses whined the whole way, having been spent racing back to the camp, sweating and desperate for water. When they came to a halt, the young O’Driscoll approached to untether them. Seeing Kieran made Pearson’s blood boil and face turn red, but it hadn’t been Kieran’s fault this happened, just the gang he used to run with so he did his best to not direct his anger toward him.

Pearson rushed directly toward Dutch’s tent, catching everyone’s attention from the fast pace he clearly wasn’t used to doing. Dutch sat in the chair outside his tent, a book in one hand and a cigar in the other. Arthur was thankfully in camp, just in his own tent.

“Dutch! Arthur! We have a BIG issue right now!” 

Arthur perked up upon hearing his name and slowly sauntered his way over to Pearson and Dutch, his hands on his belt, “Oh yeah? What’s that? You eat all our groceries on the way back from Rhodes?”

“Now is not the time for jokes Arthur.” Pearson took the wood out, some of the blood smeared on his fingers but thankfully not enough to make the writing illegible. He also took the knife from his belt loop. Dutch and Arthur stared at the knife, intrigued, Arthur, stood up a bit straighter when he saw how serious Pearson was acting. It was unusual for him. 

“Well, then spit it out already!” Arthur tore the cigarette from his mouth and threw it to the ground. “What the hell happened?”

Since he had stopped running, there was an unsettled feeling in Pearson’s stomach. He felt like he was about to throw up. 

“Dutch…Arthur…Mary-Beth was taken by the O’Driscolls… They left us this note with her blood.” 

The moment O’Driscolls was brought up, Dutch’s face became red. “WHAT?! What did you see, Pearson?!”

“NUTHIN!” Pearson gasped, “She wandered off when I was at the butcher’s and they kidnapped her when she was behind the saloon. There was also a dead body behind there. The bartender had this ugly bruise on his face, so I have a feeling he saw something, but if we try to talk to him, it might link the gang to the O’Driscolls,” he explained, the words flying out of his mouth, “They left this with Colom’s name and a lock of Mary-Beth’s hair. They’ve got her fer sure now….” He handed the wood over. Arthur leaned over Dutch’s shoulder to read what the blood was, his eyebrows furrowing. 

By then the rest of the gang were gathering around, particularly the girls. Tilly held a hand over her mouth, “Mary-Beth…She was taken? Oh, Pearson…” Tears were in her eyes. 

Pearson could hardly look at them all, all their faces that of a grieving person in mourning. He felt a lot of shame for letting this happen to such a vulnerable woman. But Mary-Beth wasn’t dead, or at least he hoped that she wasn’t. He couldn’t live with the thought of getting an innocent woman killed. 

Kieran found himself on the edge of the conversation, but not close enough to hear the conversation. He had been so busy taking the horses off the wagon that he nearly missed it entirely. He brought each horse to the water trough, which they drank greedily before he joined the congregating crowd. What’s going on here? He wanted to ask but kept his mouth shut when the eyes of this gang had fallen on him. Had he done something wrong?

Well, if they were staring at him, then it had something to do with the…

“O’Driscoll, what did you do?!” Karen abruptly snapped at Kieran. Everyone seemed shocked at her outburst, seeing how kindly she treated Kieran at camp. There weren’t any tears in her eyes, but her face was worse than a raging bull’s. 

“W-What do you mean?” Kieran asked, stuttering but not showing any lack of confidence. He kept his composure. “I ain’t done nothin’ other than take care of the damn horses lately,” he added defensively. 

“Your O’Driscolls KIDNAPPED MARY-BETH!”

Usually, Kieran would have fought them on this. Would have yelled that he wasn’t an O’Driscoll! But ‘Mary-Beth’ and ‘kidnapped’ mentioned in the same sentence was something he didn’t like to hear. He couldn’t argue with them this time. 

“They took Mary-Beth…?” he gasped and looked over toward Arthur, “We have to go save her! They’ll do awful things to her.”

Arthur squinted his eyes at the man as if observing them for anything suspicious, and Kieran hated the feeling that it left in his stomach. “You mean you had nothing to do with this?”

“Of course not!” Kieran spat out, flaring at Arthur’s accusatory tone, “I like Mary-Beth and I hate the O’Driscolls. You should know that by now 'cause I tell it to you every day!” He hissed. “We can’t spend time here, just wasting, we have to go and track her…Who knows what they will do to her.”

“Leave that to me,” Charles said, ready to jump on his horse that second.

“Wait just a minute!” Arthur said, holding his hand out, stopping everyone from doing anything stupid, “There’s a date written here, and they’re goin’ to expect us to meet them there at that time, or else. Charles, you can go, but you have to be extra careful. One wrong move on ANY of us is goin’ to end Mary-Beth’s life.” He pointed his finger at everyone as he spoke to them.

From the looks of the entire camp right now, everyone was willing to pick up their guns right now and hunt down their sick rivals. Some like Grimshaw and Lenny already had their guns out and ready. 

“And the note was addressed to only Dutch and me. We’ll have to be the ones to go. If they see more than us, it won’t be pretty for us and Mary-Beth.”

“But you’re gonna be outnumbered by those idiots…” Bill argued, his hands clutching at his sides, not because he particularly liked Mary-Beth but because he hated how the O’Driscolls could easily try to blackmail them. “You never know how many people they’re gonna bring, Arthur. You need more than two men…”

“If they lay a hand on Mary-Beth, I’ll fucking tear their balls off…” Sadie gritted her teeth. Not another woman whose life was on the line thanks to this gang…

“If you should take anyone extra, then it should be me,” Kieran volunteered, stepping forward. “I don’t think they would be intimidated if they saw me.”

Bill laughed. “Yeah! Might be able to trade him for the girl. Take him with ya.” He shoved Kieran forward by his shoulder. 

“Not a bad idea.” Arthur rubbed his chin.

If it came to that, then so be it, Kieran thought to himself. Mary-Beth had been the first one in the gang to be kind to him, to show Kieran the proper respect he deserved as a person by giving him that small glass of water. It had meant so much to him. There was no way in hell he would allow people like the O’Driscolls to hurt someone as gentle as her. If it meant that he had to trade his life for her, then maybe he could do something good and prove himself, even if he didn’t make it out alive.

“Oh, Mary-Beth…Please be okay…” Tilly kept a hand to her mouth, then spoke softly to Kieran, “Please get her back for us.”

Kieran spoke softly to her, “I promise that we’ll get her back, Tilly. Arthur and I ain’t gonna let anythin’ happen to her, we promise…”

“You better.”

Mary-Beth tried to imagine herself in a whole new world, completely separate from the reality of hell she was currently facing. She was a princess and her prince charming sat across from her on the blanket, feeding her strawberries and telling her how much he would marry her and care for her. The bitter yet sweet taste in her tongue was imaginary but it was helping her free herself from the flames threatening to engulf her. She dissociated, forgetting anything that the O’Driscoll men did to her the moment they happened. 

She didn’t know when her own gang planned to get her, if they were even coming for her at all. Her hands were tied behind her back, connected to her ankles, making it impossible for her to move unless she twisted her body around, and even then it was far too painful for her to do that. She would be too exhausted before she could break the ropes.

If Mary-Beth had been listening, she would know that she had two days before the O’Driscolls were going to lay her out for bait, two days before she would learn if she lived or died. The gang planned to use her as bait, to lure the two strongest members of the Van Der Linde gang. 

One of the O’Driscolls approached her. She saw his boots right in front of her face and smelled the shit he had stepped in earlier. Her nose wrinkled and she refused to meet his eyes. “Oh, what a squirmin’ bitch ya are,” he laughed and spat on her face, making Mary-Beth flinch and swallowing a whimper climbing its way up her throat. She was surprised that he didn’t kick her before he stormed off, laughing and drinking with his friends—having an early celebration of the fall of the Van Der Linde gang.

Just remember your prince charming. Hell, you’d accept Sean as your prince charming at this point, she spoke mostly to herself, in her head and attempted to put herself back into the world of the last book she had read, imagining herself as the main character and Kieran as her prince charming. 

Wait.

Kieran…?

Why did she think of Kieran?

Sure, the two had been flirty with each other before, but she had never seen him in such a romantic light, or even imagined…kissing him…

But the memory soothed the aching in her heart, so her mind played the same scene over and over again as the days passed.

Kieran and Mary were in the meadows, sitting on a blanket softer than anything she had ever felt before. Wait, was it a cloud? There was a whole buffet of food laid out in front of her, and no matter how many bites she took, it never emptied. Behind them were two horses grazing and snoozing together. And whenever she looked at Kieran’s face, she felt the happiest she had ever been in a long time… 

Sometimes her brain had convinced herself this was reality. She wanted it to be. 

Mary-Beth was half asleep when a man grabbed her arm and cut the bindings, made her legs release, making them cramp, and her muscles scream in pain. Her hands were still tied as he pulled her to her feet, yelling at her as her legs wobbled and she would have buckled had the men not held her up. 

“Where…Where…” she mumbled before she was interrupted. 

“Shut up, you bitch.” 

A cloth was shoved into her mouth, forcing her to be quiet. 

“Put the woman on the back of the horse.”

Mary-Beth’s stomach lurched as she was lifted by her waist. She grunted as she was laid on the back of a chestnut colored horse, her stomach feeling the pressure as she was laid on her stomach. Never in all her life had she been hogtied and put on the back of the horse. She whined but shut up quickly to avoid them yelling at her any further. 

A man climbed on the back of the horse, kicking its sides with sharp spurs that were close to her face. Mary-Beth, with her eyes constantly on the ground, couldn’t tell where they were going. All she could do was count the seconds. It took them approximately seventeen minutes to pull to a full stop, the men whispering around her. 

“Quick, get the girl ready. They could be watching us and pop out at any moment.”

Mary-Beth saw the shoes of one of the O’Driscolls before they lifted her up. Instead of taking her off the horse, they shifted her into the saddle. All she could do was watch in horror as the men threw a rope over the branch of the tree they were under, a noose hanging at the end of it. She began to strain and pull on the restraints on her wrists but someone held her still as another pair of hands grabbed the noose and pulled it over her head. She felt tears as the noose pressed against her throat, tightening enough that it wouldn’t slide off her and only tighten when she fell off the side of the horse. They were going to hang her. Holy shit, they were going to fucking hang her! After that, she fell absolutely still, no matter how badly her body screamed at her to move.

“Two hours…If they’re not here in two hours just slap the horse and let it run.” Mary-Beth couldn’t see them, but an O’Driscoll stood behind her, a hand on the rear of the horse, who luckily remained calm for now. She relied on that calmness. But the woman wondered if the horse would feel her anxiety and become agitated before running off.

“Then leave her body. Maybe they’ll come back later and find her hanging and learn their lesson…We don’t spare the innocent.”

Please, Arthur. Sean. Charles. Kieran. She whispered the names like they were saints, praying they would come to rescue her. 

Time passed, but Mary-Beth wasn’t counting this time. Every second felt like an agonizing hour.

“How long has it been?”

“About an hour…”

And so they waited even longer. Mary-Beth’s thighs were aching from how tight she was squeezing on the horse’s saddle. 

An arrow sliced through the air, hitting the man behind Mary-Beth. The action was so abrupt that there was a moment of stunned silence. The horse shifted but luckily didn’t run off. Mary-Beth looked up, seeing the trees across the horizon, but saw no one in sight. Were her saviors still out there? “They’re he—” Another arrow whizzed through the air, shooting the man in front of her. 

“DAMNIT!” Mary-Beth looked in horror as one of the O’Driscolls raised a gun in the air. No, no, no!  Mary-Beth cried out in her mind, screaming and crying, wishing she could keep the horse in place. 

A gun fired, and then hellfire began. At first, it was arrows, and then it was gunshots.

Mary-Beth stared in terror as the horse’s ears flicked back. It freaked out before running forward, Mary-Beth hardly able to stop the rope from tightening around her neck. Just as the horse ran out from under her legs, arms wrapped around her body, desperately holding her around the waist and legs in a way to keep herself up. 

Even as the gunshots were heavy in the air, Mary-Beth was able to stare down at the person holding her. It was Kieran. KIERAN More tears formed in her eyes as she saw the man struggling to keep her up, to keep her from hanging right there. 

“SHOOT THE ROPE, SHOOT THE ROPE!” Kieran called out. 

Mary-Beth did her best to sit as still as possible, but everything was aching and she could hardly keep herself up as her body was crumbling quickly and she was hardly able to control what limb twitched. A choked cry escaped her throat and tears were impossible to hold back. 

An O’Driscoll stormed up to the two of them, his gun raised, ready to shoot Kieran between the eyes. Right as he pulled the hammer back on his revolver, there was a rifle shot, and blood splattered on Kieran’s face and on Mary-Beth’s dress. Then there was a second shot, and the rope around Mary-Beth’s throat became very loose. Mary-Beth fell on top of Kieran, taking the two of them to the ground. Kieran was on his feet a second later and grabbed Mary-beth by the shoulders. Even though she would have not wanted to be dragged anymore, there was a mutual and silent agreement that safety was more important as Kieran dragged Mary-Beth into the forest and brush, hiding them from the gunfight. Kieran sat back on the ground and pulled Mary-Beth flush against his chest. As quietly as he could, he took the cloth from her mouth and fumbled with his knife, cutting the bindings from her wrists, freeing her completely.

Mary-Beth’s mouth was open, tears in her eyes when she realized it ached more to shut her mouth from how long the cloth was stuck in her mouth. Kieran was about to pull away from the woman, to give her space, but Mary-Beth grabbed his arm and wrapped it around her body—feeling safe and protected like in the dreams she had hidden in the past few days. She closed her eyes and cried silent tears. 

Kieran hesitated but could tell that she just needed to be held for now. He kept her close to his chest as the gunshots thinned and the voices of the small group of O’Driscolls died out completely. They were all dead. But he remained quiet until he knew for sure that it was safe to come out.

“Mary-Beth? Kieran?” Came Arthur’s voice. 

Mary-Beth couldn’t speak. 

“We’re in here—!” Kieran stuttered and pulled himself and Mary-Beth up, taking the two of them out of the brush. 

When Mary-Beth saw Arthur, she practically fell into the arms of the man. “Oh Arthur…! You call came for me!” she sobbed.

Arthur awkwardly wrapped his arms around Mary-Beth. “Course we did. You’re a part of the family. We wouldn’t have left that to ya, all alone.”

“Are they all dead?” she asked, her bottom lip quivering.

Arthur nodded. “Dutch has one of them tied up right now and is talking to them. Otherwise, yeah. They’re all dead. Are you okay?” He asked as he pulled her back, looking her up and down, seeing the bruises and tatters on her. “Oh, Mary-Beth…You need to get back to camp. You think you can take her, Kieran? I’m gonna stay back and help Dutch get information out of this damn maggot.”

“Yes, please, I want to go back now. Is Pearson OK?” Mary-Beth asked.

“Don’t worry, Mary-Beth, he’s alright. Just get her to camp, Kieran.” Arthur walked away.

Kieran nodded and put his hand on Mary-Beth’s elbow, guiding her all the way to Branwen. When they were at the horse, he gently touched her arm. “Mary-Beth, I am SO sorry fer what happened to ya. Are ya okay?”

“I…I think so. I just want to get back to camp.” She approached Branwen from the side and turned her back to the horse, facing Kieran. “Can you help me onto the horse, please?” she asked, her arms slightly raised. “Everything hurts too much.”

“I sure can…” Kieran nodded and put his hands on her waist. He lifted her onto the back of his horse, feeling even more guilty as she winced in pain. The last thing he wanted was to cause her even more pain. After that, he climbed into the saddle in front of her, then raced off back to camp. His heart pounded with the leftover adrenaline from the gunfight, but it soared higher when Mary-Beth wrapped her arms around his waist and she leaned her cheek against his back. She…Wanted comfort from him? Him, of all people? He wasn’t sure how he felt about that, but he was glad that she could trust him.

Kieran knew that there would be a group gathering when they returned to camp, so he made sure to approach quietly and calmly, hitching his horse at one of their posts. He got down and held his arms out naturally to take Mary-Beth off the horse. By the time he turned around, he saw the group gathering—just as he thought. 

“Oh, Mary-Beth!” Tilly cried out and ran before anyone else could. She ran to her best friend and hugged her, keeping her close. Mary-Beth broke down into tears as she hugged Tilly back. Kieran backed off and gave the woman some space, his hand on Branwen’s neck. However, he watched from afar. He watched as Mary-Beth was given new clothes, and how John gave her his tent so she could have privacy for a while. Karen, Grimshaw, and Tilly came in and out of the tent often, checking in on Mary-Beth. Sometimes he heard her crying, and it broke his heart. 

Sometime later in the evening, when it was darker than it was light, Kieran approached the flap of the tent and whispered, “Mary-Beth, is it okay if I came in?” he asked and waited for her answer. 

There was a small sniffle. “Oh, yeah, it’s okay…”

Kieran came in, carrying a tin plate of stew. “Have ya ate yet?” he asked. 

Mary-Beth sat on John’s cot, wearing one of her other outfits. The old clothes had been burned as no one, especially her, would want to attempt to stitch such clothing back together.

“Oh, no…I ain’t…I just haven’t had the appetite for it, but I probably should soon.”

“I got something for ya. Eat what you feel like ya can.” Kieran came in and moved across the tent and sat down next to her with the stew, handing it to her. Mary-Beth smiled fondly and sipped some of the broth. At least her stomach could handle that. 

“Mary-Beth…Yer awfully brave. Most don’t have the confidence when in the presence of an O’Driscoll.”

“Oh Kieran…” she whispered, “It was awful. I thought I was going to die…I thought they were gonna hang me. Had you not caught me, who knows whether I would have suffocated or if the rope would have snapped my neck right away. I wasn’t ready to die.”

“I’m glad I was there, Mary-Beth. I don’t know how you survived that…” Kieran’s hand touched hers, but then he hesitated. She noticed and immediately brought his hand back when he tried to take it away. 

“I just…I just imagined myself inside one of my books. I guess escapin’ into my own head was something that helped me…” Mary-Beth admitted Kieran, squeezing his hand. “It kept me alive until you saved me, Kieran. You’re a real hero. Thank you so much…” She wrapped her arms around his neck and held the man, who she sort of related to in some way now. She wasn’t sure if she should tell Kieran that she imagined that he was her imaginary hero. She didn’t have to though—Kieran was her real hero now. 

[parkitaco]

ok people. i really don't want to have to be saying this but i am once again being struck by the lack of etiquette in the byler fandom and just in current fandom in general so i just. have to say something ok

first off i'm gonna say that fandoms come from a place of love and i know everyone most people have good intentions and love their fic authors but the etiquette around fics and art and all that lovely stuff is,, how shall we put it,, literally nonexistent.

listen. i love writing fic. i love that people like reading my fics that's insane hello?? i love getting comments and kudos and getting messages from ppl who are excited about my future projects it's great!!!

that being said, when i receive messages asking when things will be out/comments on wip wednesday snippets asking if the fic is out yet/messages asking me to tag them when the fic is published, regardless of how good the intentions are it comes off as very demanding and doesn't make me feel good as a writer who is doing this Voluntarily and For Free.

fanfic writers do this for fun!! we are not machines, we are people with our own lives outside of fandom and those lives have to take priority most if not all of the time. this means that yes!! sometimes fics take a while to write!! sometimes chaptered fics take a while to update!! and guess what?? that is totally ok. fanfic writers taking their time is not a bad thing. it means they care and are taking their time to create quality content. it means that they are spending time tending to their real personal lives, which is a normal and healthy thing to do.

there are plenty of posts about why demanding faster updates is bad, and i think that's pretty common knowledge, but i want to talk specifically about these very enthusiastic comments/messages/etc because i don't think anyone means harm but the thing is that fic authors simply do not owe you anything. we don't owe it to you to let you know when a fic will be out, we don't owe it to you to tag you when it is, and we definitely don't owe it to you to provide information that you can easily find out for yourself. as a writer i'm already putting insane amounts of pressure on myself and receiving it from other people, even if that's not the intention, is just not a good feeling.

especially because much of this information is readily available to you!! while you may not be able to find out when a fic will be out (which is probably because the fic author doesn't know either), you are entirely capable of checking the timestamp on a post to see how old it was, then using a little thing called Critical Thinking Skills to determine whether it's likely the fic has been posted or not. if so then great!! most authors have their ao3 accounts linked somewhere on their blog page so YOU (yes, you!!) can go look for the fic on ao3!! if you don't find it, ao3 has a super cool feature where you can subscribe to an author, so you'll get an email notification whenever they post!! and while you're there, if you're truly desperate for something to read, you can always go through the fics they've already posted, and if you've read everything there already and/or they haven't posted anything yet, check their bookmarks and see if there's anything there you like!! and as a last resort, there's always the trusty old search bar on ao3, which you are capable of filtering to every last preference!! the byler fandom is huge and there are tons of fics out there so undoubtedly something will fit your taste.

i know that can feel daunting, and i know it's disappointing when a fic hasn't been posted or updated yet, but the good news is that if you're seeing a snippet it means the author is working on it!! a little patience never hurt anyone, and taking those steps to determine for yourself what's going on with the fic rather than bugging an author who is just trying to go about their life and work on content during whatever free time they have just proves that you care. the simple fact of the matter is that fic authors don't do this for attention, they do it for fun, and therefore we can't cater everything to you or answer questions that you should find the answers to yourself. it's not our responsibility to keep track of people who want to be tagged when a fic is published or want to know when it will be out, because all our energy is going into creating the content you so desperately want!! i'm just begging everyone to be a little bit independent. asking an author for this information just shows you don't care enough to find it for yourself and this sort of laziness is part of why fandoms die.

tldr: fic authors are not machines designed to please you, use some critical thinking once in a while, and please for the love of GOD just go touch grass. breathe some clean air. you'll feel better i promise

[tortoisebore]

Fic recs?? It’s so hard to find good stuff😩

i’ll list a few of my recent favs, but first i’ll give u some tips & secrets ab how i find new fics 🥰

my first & biggest source—i snoop on everyone’s bookmarks. like everyone. if i read a fic i liked, i check that author’s bookmarks. if someone comments on my fic, i check their bookmarks. if i come across someone talking ab fic on the tl, i go to their ao3 and check their bookmarks. i’ve found so many great fics just by snooping on what other ppl are reading 🫶

my second most-used tactic: searching for tags & using filters. if i’m looking for something specific, i search the tags/pairings i want and make sure to exclude things i don’t want (i.e. i don’t usually want to read jegulus, so i make sure to exclude that pairing in my results. same goes w tags/ratings/warnings u don’t want). i’ll sort by date, kudos, and hits separately, and add anything that sounds interesting to my bookmarks to sort through later. ao3 really has the best filtering and tagging system out there, but a lot of times we don’t use it to its full capacity! if you want to read something specific there’s a very good chance someone has written it, you just need to search and filter your results so that you’re not just seeing the most recent stuff! (i also filter by word count a lot too bc i’m not always in the mood for something multi-chaptered or something that will take me multiple days to finish reading)

last, sometimes i’ll go into the main pairing tag i’m looking for and sort by kudos/hits/date/whatever and jump to like….the 30th page of results. there’s sooooo much stuff i miss just bc it gets lost in the flow of new/popular fics, so jumping to random deep-dive search results will help you find new stuff & come across fics & authors you haven’t seen before 💞💖💘

now here’s some of the stuff i’ve been enjoying lately!! 💞💖💘💕

love by the seaside by viwrites

this was very cute and a great quick read! remus is a disgruntled painter/barista recovering from a toxic relationship & sirius is the sweet, dashing stranger that he meets by accident on the beach one day. lots of early-morning coffee runs and nervous flirting with some christmas fluff as a treat

hurling crowbirds at mockingbars by wrappedup

y’all know i am typically NOT an exes to lovers kind of girlie. i find this trope very hard to read most of the time bc i am a huge baby, but this one was a quick read and the plot was overall very sweet! remus broke up with sirius & left the country out of the blue almost 10 years ago, and then comes back to town with a fiancé. sirius learns very quickly that he’s still hurt, and remus learns very quickly that he might have jumped the gun all those years ago.

in the dark there is discovery by lynxindisguise

wolfstar pirate au!! need i say more!!

disarm you with a smile by five_ht

listen to me. look me in my eyes. this is explicit as fuck and i encourage you to read every single one of the tags carefully. seriously read all of them. it will not be for everyone but like….,oh my fuxking god. sirius steals remus’ phone number while hanging out with his friend (remus’ niece) one day and starts sending him increasingly suggestive texts anonymously. it’s all fun and games until sirius starts to catch feelings & remus starts to get curious ab who he’s been talking to.

in the centre of a circle by moonheavens

reccing this again bc I HAVEN’T CAUGHT UP YET BUT IT’S SO SO GOOD i’m going after the latest chapter as SOOOOOON as i have the time this week 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩 sirius lives with the lupins and is very much in love with remus. he consults various people for advice.

[temnurus]

WWX POV Fic Recs

So! As a diehard Wei Ying fan, I thought it would be rather timely to come up with a rec list that showcased him in all his clever, chaotic, charming glory. This mostly some of my more recent reads, as I tried not to duplicate recs from my top ten list and the 10 extra honorable mentions because I couldn't stop myself.

Ahem. Anyway, this is a good mix of stuff. We've got everything from accidental baby acquisition, to case fic, to monsterfucking! (You're welcome, fellow deviants. 😉) Happy WWX day, folks! Now onto the recs!

hold up a mirror by spookykingdomstarlight (E, 36,170)

Thoughts: Another brilliant friends to lovers fic by one of my favorite authors. They wow me every single time, no exaggeration. In this one Wei Ying is lonely. He’s also tired of being set up on blind dates by his concerned brother when he stumbles upon the fact that Lan Zhan is pining for some idiot who has somehow failed to see how great he is. Obviously them pretending to date will solve both of these problems. Jiang Cheng will get off his back, & they’ll be able to make Lan Zhan’s crush jealous enough to realize what he’s missing. Cue me banging my head against my desk while muttering about their joint stupidity, & we have the recipe for yet another fic making it to my favorites list.

(we've got) time for one more by impossibletruths (E, 71,504)

Thoughts: I felt Wei Ying’s longing in my bones in this fic. For the music, for Lan Zhan, for all the things that could’ve been. He was such a good dad to A’Yuan, & their relationship was so touching. I cried several times in this fic, one of which was inspired by Wei Ying & the Jiang siblings trio. The feelings surrounding them & the planning of Yanli’s wedding were so bittersweet with canon lurking in the background. I really loved getting to see it come together differently here, though. Seeing Lan Zhan through Wei Ying’s eyes was also a huge treat here, & I loved their dynamic, angst & all. This was a great fic, highly recommended!

Stumbling Into You by Magnolia822 (E, 39,332)

Thoughts: I really enjoyed this one. Wei Ying & Lan Zhan’s relationship felt very soft here, & sometimes I love that. It really worked with the whole tone of the fic. I liked Lan Zhan’s characterization in particular, which was neat since the story is told from Wei Ying’s perspective. There was a touch of angst, mostly towards the end, but the fic definitely earned its happy ending tag. I recommend it if you enjoy college AUs & our boys being soft idiots in love.

Tripped at Every Step by brooklinegirl (E, 28,758)

Thoughts: This fic was such a fun read. Wei Ying’s confusion was just delightful, & seeing Lan Zhan shower him with love in every way he knew how was breath-takingly sweet. There was a lot of fun teasing & banter, as well as an incident with a hickey that had me laughing until I cried. Nothing hurt in this, & I appreciated that so much because sometimes you just need a little softness. This did that just right. I highly recommend it.

The Golden Cutsleeve by syrus_jones (E, 77,020)

Thoughts: This is one of the most glorious things I’ve ever read in my life. I am not exaggerating when I say that. I cannot tell you how many times I laughed so hard I cried. This fic was hilarious, sexy, & full of Wei Ying being his chaotic best self. I nearly lost my mind at how hot some of the smut was, & it definitely earned the Crack Taken Seriously & Porn with Feelings tags. I’m not normally a crack fic person, so my ringing endorsement of this fic should not be taken lightly. 10/10, will absolutely read it again. As should you!

so take my hand (take my whole life too) by cicer (E, 92,343)

Thoughts: This is the second accidental baby acquisition fic I read for Wangxian, & A-Yuan is much younger here, not even a year old. There are lots of cute baby moments, including Wei Ying & Lan Zhan figuring out how to be parents together on the fly. Wei Ying had a huge crush on Lan Zhan and was, of course, convinced that Lan Zhan didn’t like him back. He is very, very stupid, but that’s okay because he’s obviously always very wrong about that. I laughed a lot at this fic, but it was also very touching. Not a whole lot of angst here besides the unfortunate reason for A-Yuan being left with them, but those subjects aren’t graphically described or deeply gone into.

In Love and War by Cataclysmic_Calamity (E, 68,321)

Thoughts: This is A/B/O dynamics done right & is easily the best of the trope that I’ve read for this ship. Mind the tags, of course, but I do recommend this if Omegaverse is your thing. Wei Ying’s plan to make himself insufferable didn’t go quite as well as he’d hoped, & before he knew it he was suffering the indignity of falling in love with his own husband. The nerve! Haha. There’s a good amount of angst, & the depth of feeling was gripping. I also enjoyed the side pairing of SangCheng. This author wrote a Hualian fic that’s one of my favorite fanfics period, so that certainly lends itself to the quality of the writing.

Full Moon Blues by Unforth (E, 39,034)

Thoughts: Alright monsterfuckers, this one’s for you. It’s exactly what you’d expect. Wei Ying’s phobia of dogs plays a large role. The depiction of panic attacks is very visceral in this fic, so be warned if that’s an issue for you. The angst is all emotional in nature & does pass eventually, leading to the star of this fic, the fucking. Oh my goodness, the fucking. The smut is so hot it nearly melted my face off! If you like werewolf sex, you’re in for a treat here. But don't let that fool you, their emotional connection is just as satisfying as the smut! I recommend anything by Unforth, to be honest. I’ve loved everything I’ve read by them.

for sale: eboy bathwater, never used by lewdwife (E, 25,123)

Thoughts: This was absolutely hilarious, boarderline Crack Treated Seriously almost. The Sugar Daddy thing is a sort of almost/but not really kind of thing, but I honored the author’s tag anyway. I could feel the convention energy as Wei Ying & the gang geared up for it, & it was a whole lot of fun. The smut was absolutely filthy & very, very good. I definitely recommend this one. It was adorable.

a stone to break your soul, a song to save it by rikke (M, 179,769)

Thoughts: Despite this being rated Mature it actually does contain smut! It’s maybe tame smut compared to most Explicit rated fics, but I’ve always found there to be a very fine line between the two ratings that no one can really agree on. I digress, though. This fic is plot-heavy & plot-driven. It’s an interesting case fic that also features an arranged marriage between Wei Ying & Lan Zhan in order to redeem Wei Ying in the eyes of the cultivation world after the events at Qiongqui Path. The Wens end up being sheltered by the Lans at Cloud Recesses instead of the Burial Mounds as a result. I enjoyed the twists & turns of this, & watching them slowly get closer was as rewarding as always. There was some interesting cultivation theory featured as well.

[ilovedthestars]

I don’t know how to do this but for your ask game, Mensah?

Hi Bardic!! don't worry, you did a great job!!

(Send me a character ask game)

First impression

The thing with Murderbot fandom is that I saw a lot of fandom stuff before I actually read the books, so my first impressions were largely formed by other people's analysis. So...probably the general fandom consensus that she's competent, caring, and a Favorite Human not only of Murderbot but many readers as well.

Impression now

I love her!! I like all the PresAux humans for different reasons, but if I have to pick a favorite, it's probably Mensah. She's admirable in so many ways, but still has faults--like the assumptions she makes about what Murderbot wants at the end of ASR, which she learns from after it leaves. She feels so human, which is both a sign of excellent character writing and a perfect counterpoint to Murderbot and its blend of humanness and inhumanity.

Favorite moment

Oh, there are so many to choose from. If I have to pick...something from Exit Strategy, which pre-System Collapse was probably my favorite book in the series (and could still give SC a run for its money). I can't decide between that moment of reunion--the ping, the tell me your name, the hug--and that moment in the shuttle when she grabs it by the collar and tells it No. It probably has to be that one--I will never be over the moment when Murderbot realizes she isn't afraid of it, and it doesn't want her to be.

Idea for a story

Besides that animatic I had in the works a while back (i have no idea when I'll get back to it, but I hope to someday)...

I had a fic idea a while back, inspired by other fic authors' takes on a similar idea, where Mensah talks to an old associate who works with augments, and arranges a way for Murderbot to have its company logos removed. I second-guessed how to handle various aspects of that a lot, but I did enjoy the Emotions it included. It's on the big pile of Things I May Or May Not Ever Finish Writing, alas (but I'd be willing to dig it up and share some snips if anyone's interested)

Unpopular opinion

I don't think Mensah is that controversial lol? I guess maybe...as much as I like ART, I do wish we got to spend more time with Mensah and Murderbot, on Preservation (or elsewhere). They mean a lot to each other, and I would love to linger with their relationship more. I can hope for her to return in future books, although it seems unlikely she'll appear in the next one. Speaking of which, I wanted a little more closure with her and Murderbot at the end of System Collapse (which is why I ended up writing it myself when given the chance for the gift exchange)

Favorite relationship

Murderbot & Mensah, no question. They are peak platonic love and deep, deep care for each other that mostly goes unspoken but is always, always felt. She was one of the first people to really see it, to know it as a person. It ran away from her and then turned back to save her life yet again. She trusts it with her life. It trusts her with its safety. She's its favorite human. They gave us the phrase "I really like you, not in a weird way" as a way for all us fans to say we love each other like they love each other. They make my little aro heart so happy <3

Favorite headcanon

....I'm drawing a blank on this one, honestly? I have trouble drawing the line between a personal interpretation of canon and a headcanon sometimes. But I can't think of anything specific that I headcanon about Mensah.

Thank you for the ask! <3

[blamemma]

what you said about maxiel fanfics with endgame lest4ppen, yes, I agree. someone mentioned this before, but maxiel is slowly dying on ao3 while it seems to be thriving more and more on tumblr.

for me it's 50/50 because I don't mind where I'm reading, but here we have more one-shots and pieces of WIPs (which is good because it means authors don't feel the pressure to turn everything into a 50k story, so they can just post their ideas even if it's incomplete), but I personally LOVE longer stories, so I would love to read more and more about every single one of them.

and personally I just don't like lest4ppen at all. I understand the need to tag maxiel because daniel is the bad guy and the "shitty boyfriend" or whatever, but I just don't like seeing those stories 😬

will always preface asks like this by saying people can like what they like and find joy in whatever, i ain't gunna turn my nose up at anyone or anything, lestappen just doesn't make sense to meeee personally, but honestly whatever butters ur bread!!!

as someone who has dabbled here and there in this writing lark, for me there is a distinct difference in ao3 posting and tumblr posting....ao3 to me is formal, ur presenting something perfect, a fully-fledged story, a beginning a middle and an end (not in all cases but i just mean in general). most stuff i read on ao3 is fully-fledged nuanced ideas that the author has obviously spent hours of time crafting and experimenting with.

tumblr fic is inherently fun and blase and easier to throw out there into the ether and forget about really. tumblr fic doesn't need to follow grammatical rules or structure etc etc....it can just be a fun prompt game response or a quick lil fic that you had fun writing and wanna share with ur people?? both have purposes and both are enjoyable to write imo, just depends on what ur feeling and how much u want to expand on said idea??

when it comes to the maxiel of it all....idk how rude or pointed i can get here without getting into shit....so i'll try and word this gently....you have to keep the eco-system alive....i think comments and kudos are GREAT but honestly, if someone reblogs my fic with a fun few tags, i love that more, because in a selfish way, i might get 1 or 2 more readers from that because its going out to an even wider audience?? but its more than that!! engage with ur writers, message them on here and shout at them about their ideas, send them prompts, recommend their fic to ur friends...but i will stand by i think one of the best things you can do, if they make a fun lil post or graphic for their fic...reblog it...ur not only spreading the maxiel gospel, but ur also supporting that writer?? too many times on here i see people's fic graphics flop yet big blogs are leaving them comments on ao3 and look, EACH TO THEIR OWN and also i can sometimes be a bad reblogger dont get me wrong, but LIKE, there are some wildly talented authors on here who just need to be pushed into the limelight a little bit more??? idk if im wording this correctly, but sometimes there are fics that fall through the cracks because no one engages with them, and if ur an author who has put blood sweat and tears into that fic, ur not exactly going to be motivated to post another maxiel fic if u dont think ur going to get engagement from it (again, fic writing isn't necessarily about engagement or response, but let me tell u when i get a fun little comment or someone messages me about a fic i published, it inspires me to write more????)

maxiel is definitely alive and kicking, i follow some stunningly good maxiel authors, but at the same time, its about pushing forward those smaller writers as well and not thinking ur too cool for them???????????????

and so with that, this flufftober, kinktober, spooktober or whatever tober u are a part of, reblog the fic, talk about the fic and enjoy the fic

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

have you ever had any of your fanfics copied without permission, what do you do in this case, lots of authors struggle with this, is there any solution

Yes, though not as flagrantly as some people's have been and it's never been personally targeted.

My stuff's been picked up by fanfiction scrapers (generally sites dedicated to backing up fanfiction archives, still traumatized by the great collapse of LiveJournal).

So, I suppose let's break this down with what you can do.

The General Scraping Sites

Depends which one, obviously, but usually the people running these are really just traumatized by the LiveJournal collapse. They're not looking for your fic specifically, probably never even read it, and are usually willing to take things down if you contact them and note that it was taken without your permission.

Look for a contact information and tell them that you didn't give permission for the story to be uploaded there and give the stories specifically.

Sometimes this isn't the case, in that whoever's running it doesn't give a fuck what you think, and in that case read on a bit for things you can do to mitigate the problem.

Some Jackass Copied Your Fic to Wattpad/Ao3/Wherever

Here the rules are generally the same.

Contact the admins/help and note that the story was uploaded without your permission to this alternate site. They'll generally take it down (especially in that you have the proof that your original version is clearly older).

Obviously depends on the platform (Ao3's very responsive, I don't know much about Wattpad so can't say, Fanfiction is uh dying. I would expect 0 response from Fanfiction.net)

Someone Plagiarized Your Work

They changed the title, maybe even the OTP, but it is word for word your story. Here, I think you're out of luck unless you're on Ao3. Ao3 allows the reporting of plagiarism and will put someone on the case.

You're going to have to deal with a lot of bullshit drama from the person that stole your work and is claiming it's totally different because your fic is about Steve Rogers and theirs is about Tony Stark, but you'll probably see some movement.

If not some fandom bitterness depending how big each respective fic was.

Some Other Things You Can Do

Most scrapers target fanfiction.net as there's no means of blocking the fic behind a login screen. If you get off ffnet and put your fics behind the "login users only" you'll cut down on 90% of bots scraping your fic (they still can, of course, but it's generally not worth the scripter's effort and the more altruistic ones will take it as a sign that you don't want it copied to another site).

This is the easiest solution to most of these things.

The other is, if you find out about it, and you don't get any traction through the above methods, make a fuss. Leave a comment noting that hey, this is actually X fic that I wrote months before this existed. The wrath of Thor will come down upon you, depending how rabid their fanbase you will be slandered left and right, but it will make a ridiculous commotion, an internal fandom war, and will draw attention to the plagiarist in a way they probably do not want (being called out as a plagiarist who actually didn't come up with any of their material).

In the event that that doesn't work...

The atomic bomb/pyrrhic victory is you hold your fics hostage. No updates until the plagiarized fic is taken down. Now, they're in a very tough situation where they have to come up with new material themselves (and they know it's going to not be any good). Their own readers will probably call them out on the lapse in quality, it will make things very very uncomfortable, and may be enough to prompt them to take it down.

However, they may just stop updating as you stop updating and then there's no updates for anybody.

Though it takes a truly trollish person to have gotten to this point already and most people are not that skeezy.

[mightymizora]

Answering my own reading questions!

because I can! feel free to do these as asks or just fill them out I'm a nosy bitch.

How many BG3 fics did you subscribe to or bookmark on A03 in 2023?

22 bookmarks and 9 new authors subbed to! There's been so much great stuff out there.

Did you have a favourite canon character to read?

I love a good Gale fic, but actually it's default Durge, if that counts. If not, Gortash.

Do you have a favourite OC of somebody else's that you fell in love with this year?

Oof, a tough one but I've gotta say that I love @mordymord's Labrys and @popiellart's Wormwood like AIR. Both have some similar traits in a lot of ways, being lean, clever demigods, but both are also so distinct. I don't think I've read any other characters like them. There's SO many good Durges but I fell for both of these fic-first.

Which fic that you've read has been the most popular?

Probably @aliquistis' excellent Gale/Tav fic Witch Ways, which has one of my other favourite OCs. Echo is excellent, and the fic is SO well done. No wonder it has 25k hits!

Which fic has been your hidden gem that you think deserves a wider readership?

I can't choose one, so have three: I'm coming around all of your houses with print outs of Intimate Connection by @plethomacademia because it deserves a HUGE readership. I think Concentration (a moment's silence) by @smoreofbabylon (and all of 'smore's fics) are just excellent. And please, read @des-no9 the one who bleeds, it's fucking beautiful.

Was there a fic you read that was completely out of your comfort zone, but you absolutely loved?

Loook I'm not a monsterfucker but. Also! I'd say that Subjugation by @say-lene is not my usual dynamic but I ADORED it. And I loved Voyeur which again was not something I'd ordinarily reach for but I think @rowanisawriter is SUCH a talented writer, I gobble up everything.

Is there a piece of description from a fic that you particularly loved?

this from FIRE WALK WITH ME by @todderwodders

Enver suspects his parents do not fully appreciate that she is a middleman. Her eyes, wine dark as they were, and her fine, perfectly kept curls may be charming, but there is an air of servant that comes clear as she speaks in winding language that seems intent on sewing confusion. No patriar or lord would sit down to a cobbler’s dinner. No patriar or lord would deny themselves a drink, or read paperwork aloud to lay people. This wine dark woman is a warlock, and he roughly knows the vague mechanics of warlocks in the makings of a deal with someone of more importance and as a result benefiting in magic and boons. That she should be as she is makes a kind of sense, then. That interests him, draws him in, even as his mother has that glazed look she always gets when she only half cares to listen to what people say to her. She has counted and recounted coin, measuring and remeasuring where it is all meant to go on her abacus. Sometimes he suspects her mind wanders without permission if she is not kept busy. Often, she comes back to the present sharply, eager to needle endlessly over past slights or gossip, over the current conversation. He wants to explain things to her in a clearer way that she will listen to, to ask questions of this dedicated warlock where she numbly nods along. 

Is there a piece of dialogue from a fic that has stayed with you?

Listen I sometimes find myself doing everyday life things and stopping and thinking about this exchange from The Dark Urge sleeps alone by @popiellart

"You remind me of my sister."

"What's a sister?" Lae'zel demands breathily, and drops her hips down, spearing herself on him without hesitation, drawing a desirous, possessive growl from his draconic muzzle.

His eyes, half-lidded with hunger, have that foggy, far-away look that vexes others, but she doesn't mind.

He is living, yawning death on the battlefield, his scales turning regal crimson whenever he's bathed in blood, and when he violently grips her and slams her down on the crumbling altar, bruising her back and cracking this font of worship to some dusty, dead god with the roaring fire of their living, he is a dragon red enough for her.

"I don't know," he admits, finally. "Something sharp, I think."

What was your overall most read type of fic in 2023? Were there tropes you particularly loved? A pairing that you adored?

Dark as shit Dark Urge fic. GOD the fandom has just taken all of the little strands given by Larian and run with them. The endless invention, expression, interpretation of the fans has been extraordinary. I love you guys. Never change. Keep weird.

What would you like to read in 2024 if you could wave a wand and get exactly what you wanted?

More Jaheira/Halsin. Just ANYTHING I am desperate for more of this.

Something with Wyll/Karlach which is very, very sexy and very queer. Top Karlach! More t4t!

More Gale/Lae'zel that reaaaally leans into her alien qualities honestly. I love this ship and might start writing it.

Filthy, filthy Ketheric stuff. FUCK THAT MAN TO DUST.

[monstersinthecosmos]

I was asked in that Fanfic Writer Asks thing 💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing? and I wanted to break it out into its own space.

The No. 1 Most Impactful Lesson is Write What You Want to Read

But I do want to speak about this for a minute because like everything important that I know about writing ALWAYS comes back to this idea, and there's two main points I want to make about it.

Your "VOICE" is about your taste and your ideas more than it is about your technical skill, language, and structure.

People I think stress about "voice" thinking that they need to develop their language and prose and rhythm and all the flowery poetry. I don't think it matters, personally. I think if you have an idea, the idea itself is the thing that drives the story.

Fanfic is awesome to use to learn how to write because it's accessible to everyone, and you get such a wide sampling of skill in one place. And sometimes you can see a really atrocious fic and it kinda teaches you what not to do, and helps you understand what you do or don't like as a reader, but sometimes you also see the good idea peeking through and you can enjoy it anyway. There are fics I ADORE that are so sloppily written, break all the rules, formatted like shit LOL, and I'm still HERE FOR IT because the author had such great ideas.

I'm sure anyone who's learned a second language had learned this, but, I remember when I was studying abroad that the college president welcomed us to the program and gave us this huge pep talk about how like, when you're out in the world speaking a second language, your grammar isn't important. If you can COMMUNICATE, that's what's important. If you can point to the apple you want to buy and say "Apple buy", the person will understand what you're trying to say.

So I think of writing that way, too. Your ideas are more important than your technical skill. Share the ideas. Keep sharing the ideas. The skill will follow when you're putting the time in.

2. Writing for fun is just as valuable as writing for work.

I took a long break from fanfic writing in my 20s because I kinda thought I'd "moved on" and that it had been my teenager hobby. And I had gone to college for photography and becoming a professional photographer really killed a lot of my passion for the art. College really brainwashed me into thinking creativity is a waste of time if it's not monetized, so even though I always enjoyed writing, I spent a few years being hard on myself and thinking it was stupid to waste time on writing fic because I couldn't sell it.

And that's such bullshit?

Because the truth is that, by telling myself "Don't write stuff you can't sell" I just wound up not writing anything at all?

And writing is like, my lil thing that that I do for fun. I can do it for fun. It feels good. It's the space I've made to be creative where I specifically don't have to worry about money, and I value it so fucking much.

I'm sure there are other people who bypassed this life lesson by NOT falling into a capitalist trap LOL but if I can share that, to help others avoid it, I will!

Write what you want to read, because it's fun, because you want to! Because you have good taste and that's your voice! You can be confident and stand up and say "I think this idea is cool so I'm going to share it with you!"

Trust yourself and your taste!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't stress about the technical stuff, it will follow!

(Bonus point #3 is bonus because it's a little more about technical stuff but if you start thinking about write what you want to read WHEN YOU READ it really helps inform how you think about your story structure and pacing. Like when I get stuck on a pacing thing I'm always thinking "Would this bore me if I were reading it? Would I want to be slow burned? Would I want more time spent on this payoff?" etc. I think that shift in mindset really helps when it comes to your story structure!!!!!!!!!!!)

[gallavichthings]

Writer's Spotlight - Rita

This interview is long overdue and has been long in the making! I'm super pleased and excited to finally present a friend and my right arm on this blog, Rita aka @sickness-health-all-that-shit aka whatyouandihave on AO3, author of Lifeline, Possiblities, Short&sweet and several other fics, and some great gifs too!

R: I grew up in a small-ish town, dreaming about going to university, finding a job I loved, and living on my own with a cat as my companion. I'd say my 13-year-old self would be pretty happy with how my life turned out! I've always been into tv shows and films, plus languages and literature (that's what I mainly studied at uni) and I've managed to find a job that combines those things, which is the absolute dream! I translate and adapt lines into Italian so that dubbing actors can replace the original dialogues of movies, tv shows, documentaries and the like. Besides reading and writing and watching shows, I love travelling, enjoying good food and spending time with my family.

GT: Oh, that's a great job! It looks like you're living your dream, and I'm very happy for you! I assume you must watch all kinds of shows for your job, but what do you watch in your leisure time?

R: Yeah, for work I've had to watch plenty of children's cartoons, anime and lots of unscripted programs like reality television, cooking competitions and things like that. All stuff I would not watch in my spare time 😁 Some of my favourite shows are Btvs, Doctor Who, Breaking Bad, The Office, Outlander, Derry Girls, Peaky Blinders, Dexter and Shameless. I also watch a lot of British comedy panel shows (Taskmaster, QI, Big fat quiz of the year etc) and stand up comedy.

GT: Oh, some of my favorites on this list! Do you read/write fics for these other fandoms as well?

R: Nope! I actually came to fanfic pretty late, despite all the years spent lurking in fandom spaces. I only really started reading fics about 4 years ago, and that was after the Ian and Mickey prison reunion, having binged the first 8 seasons of Shameless a few months before that. I had read a couple fics for other fandoms over the years, but I honestly wasn't that interested. I was content with just rewatching the shows I loved and maybe making up my own headcanons, but nothing more. I guess you could say Ian and Mickey have made a fanfiction convert out of me!

GT: What was it about them that you think made you want to write your own fics, especially coming into the fandom late, as you said yourself, when there were already a lot of fics written.

R: Honestly, it just looked like so much fun to play around with them and all the themes you could explore through their story. When I first started reading fics, it opened so many avenues in my mind (I was so convinced I wouldn't be into AUs at first. Wrong!) and I was also reading tons of meta that had been posted on Tumblr over the years, which I had a lot of thoughts about. I think part of it was about needing a creative outlet at that point. I hadn't really written fiction before, and definitely not in English, but I think I'd always wanted to try and write stories. Building a world and creating characters from scratch would have been way too daunting, but playing around with my Ian and Mickey 'dolls' was instant, cathartic fun. There's just so much potential there, so much history and emotional depth to these characters and their love story that keep me coming back to them over and over.

GT: Do you tend to write more from Ian's or Mikey's pov?

R: I alternate a lot depending on the vibe of fic, but I guess maybe Ian's? The longest multichapter I have up is almost entirely written in Ian's pov, and one fic I'm writing at the moment that's gonna be longer than my usual is also from his pov. I have a lot of fun with Mickey's, but I really love exploring Ian's inner world in depth.

GT: What do you consider your forte when writing fic, the thing that comes to you more easily? And what do you struggle with sometimes?

R: I love writing dialogue the most, and I think I'm pretty good at making it sound in character for them and nailing their voice. I definitely struggle with descriptions and maybe pacing. I'd love to write a slow burn but I don't think they're for me. I get too impatient lol

GT: What kind of fics do you write the most? 

R: I mostly write one-shots, but hope to work on more multichapters in the future. I've also posted a series of short ficlets. Lots of fluff, some angst, though always with a happy or at least hopeful ending. Maybe someday I'll try my hand at some smut? Who knows. A lot of my fics tend to be either canon compliant fill-ins that expand on canon scenes or different first meeting AUs, especially meet-uglies. I also like including Mandy and exploring her friendship with Ian and sibling relationship with Mickey. I love writing banter and sprinkling in humour in my fics.

GT: I'm a huge sucker for meet-uglies! Which of your fics are you the proudest of?

R: Oh, the one I'm most proud of has got to be The stranger in my brother's bed. It was my first stab at a multi-chapter, my first AU and a chance to play around with different POVs and an unfolding plot. It's also still my most popular fic to date. It's very sweet and fluffy and warm. When it comes to one-shots my favourite I've written is probably Unexpected, a dialog-heavy meet-ugly with lots of banter and flirting. And then there's Caught me by surprise, my second attempt at a multi-chapter that's still currently a WIP. I do hope to finish those last two chapters someday, but I'm proud of it all the same. It's the longest thing I've written and I got to have fun with tropes like Fake dating, Secret relationship and Bed sharing.

GT: Are there any tropes or ideas you haven't had a chance to explore yet but you'd like to someday?

R: I'd like to write some fill-ins for the early seasons, especially exploring Mickey's pov. Of course a lot of amazing fics like that exist already, but it'd be a chance to expand on my headcanons and do some interesting character studies. Other than that, I have a few ideas for plot-heavy stories that sometimes I think might be too ambitious for me but also can't get out of my head. If I ever write them, they may feature tropes such as Childhood friends, Soulmate AU, Private investigator AU, and even a Genie AU, though fantasy is definitely not my go-to genre. I'd also love to write an angsty Enemies to lovers or a classic Roommates AU. And maybe some canon divergent stuff.

GT: Where do you get inspiration from?

R: Movies and tv shows I watch, stories I read or random posts I see on Tumblr are all potential sources of inspiration for me. Sometimes I'll get particularly obsessed with a line a character said in canon or a certain scene and a story just forms in my head around it. And when all else fails, I go looking for a prompt that speaks to me to get things going.

GT:What about motivation? Do you force yourself to take time to write or do you wait for motivation to strike randomly?

R: I'm still trying to find a balance that works when it comes to motivation, to be honest. I've gone many months waiting for motivation to strike, and getting more and more frustrated and disappointed the longer I waited in vain for it to come. Other times I'll try to force it, but end up convincing myself I have lost any ability to write I once had 😅 I definitely work better with some sort of deadline and 'peer pressure'. That's why I'm trying to participate in as many fandom events as I can at the moment. I struggle with anxiety, so I used to think it would be too stressful for me, but I need some structure in order to be productive. And sometimes it is a matter of getting yourself to write a little bit (almost) every day, just to move things along and keep the momentum going.

GT: What's your writing process like?

R: If it's something long or plot heavy I'll prepare a bit of an outline first, but I'm not generally big on outlines. When I go to write, I'm usually sitting on my bed or couch with my laptop. I tried having music on or ambient sounds, but honestly I work better in silence. I think of the scene I want to describe and the thoughts and feelings I want to convey and watch it as a film in my head, hearing the characters voice the dialogue. Then I put it all into words, if they behave that day and just come to me 😁 I first do a rough draft, trying not to edit too much as I go but just keeping going until I reach either the end of the story (in the case of a short-ish one-shot) or a good stopping point. Then once it's done I start editing, filling in details I left out, double checking things online and making various changes until I'm reasonably satisfied with it. At that point I'll send it over to my beta reader.

GT: Do you write about other characters or ships as well? If not, would you someday?

R: No, not really. Even if I include other Shameless characters, the focus is always on Ian and Mickey and their relationship. And I don't think I'll ever write about anyone else. I have a bit of a one-track mind when it comes to ships and fandoms. I can only really focus on one at a time, and even if I love lots of other shows and media, I don't feel the need to create for them, or be all that involved. I think that, beyond my fascination with Ian and Mickey as characters and as my all-time favourite ship, this fandom space and the community I share this passion with has a lot to do with my continued participation in it. I don't think I'd be still writing and posting fic if it wasn't for all the wonderful people that create and enjoy fanworks about Ian and Mickey alongside me. They're a huge part of what inspires me and motivates me to keep creating.

GT: Definitely. It's incredible to me how much the fandom has grown and changed, while still being welcoming.

What about OCs, do you have any? Do you create them based on real people or just whatever you need them for?

R: I only occasionally create OCs for specific purposes, though most often I try to cast other Shameless characters in the roles I need if possible. I had fun with Mr. Binckley in my most recent fic for GGE, The Ghost of Christmas Fuck You, and last year, again for GGE, I created two OC children for How I met your dad. I don't see myself using them for other fics in the future, though I really admire writers who can create fully fleshed out OCs and have them recur in more than one of their stories.

GT: What about reading fics, what makes you choose something to read (and what would make you give up on reading something)?

R: I usually trust authors I already know and love, and who tend to write the sort of fics I go for anyway. But I'll give any story a chance if the premise sounds intriguing. So a good summary will draw me in, for sure. I love any kind of meet-cute or meet-ugly, and enemies or friends-to-lovers. I'll read fluff, smut or angst depending on my mood, but always with a happy ending. I like any sort of AU, but I steer away from fantasy in general, and prefer things set in the present day (though I do enjoy science fiction as a genre so space, time travel, etc. might attract me to a fic). I don't read a/b/o, mpreg or mcd. I'll give up on reading something if it's just a wall of text or riddled (and I do mean riddled) with typos. Also if I feel that something is written way too out of character to the point where I barely recognise them as Ian and Mickey.

GT: Can you name some of those authors you already know and love?

R: Sure! @goodkwuestion, @beckyharvey29, @damnnmilkovich, @gallavichy, @jellovich, devovitsuasartes and @crazynadine are some of my all-time favourites.

GT: What about some favorite fics?

R: You can bite me by Shamelessquestions, all comes down to you by BeckyHarvey29, Bad Date by @thevioletjones, the Southside Forever series by proval, You make me feel human by Dragona, Two of your earth minutes by @the-rat-wins, So Sleeping fucking Beauty, right? by @cjmarlowe, sideways by @whaticameherefor, Maintenance by devovitsuasartes, Love is a ballfield by and_i_take_it. There are many others, but these are some of the ones that have really stayed with me.

GT: Do you ever reread fics?

R: Oh yeah, I've definitely reread some of the ones above. I've been in a reading slump for a long while now though, which is why the fics I've mentioned are almost all older ones, and a lot of those writers aren't active anymore. There are so many amazing new authors writing brilliant fics at the moment, but often I end up just reading snippets of their work or their drabbles on Tumblr, so that's why I haven't mentioned them here. I've got so many incredible fics to catch up on! But brains are weird like that, you know?

GT: Oh, I totally get that! What about your own, do you reread those?

R: Not often. I tend to publish something and then not look at it again, focusing on the next project instead. There's a little bit of a cringey feeling for me when I think about rereading my own fics, but then when I do happen to read a bit of one I'm like 'Hey. This is good, actually. I do not remember writing this, but wow. Good job, me.' 😆

GT: You make gifs too, right? Have you ever made a gifset for a fic, yours or someone else's?

R: Yep! I've made a single gif for my most recent fic, The Ghost of Christmas Fuck You, and also for an older one, Ready to do this. I really want to make gifs/graphics for my fics more often in the future, actually. And I once made a gifset inspired by a quote from Cooperative gameplay by grayola.

GT: Do you make moodboards or playlists when planning a fic?

R: Hmm not really. I sometimes look up images to help me visualise a particular scene, but it's not a regular habit of mine.

GT: Let's talk about Shameless. You said you binged the first 8 seasons? That must have been a wild ride.

R: Haha oh, yeah. I remember watching the first 5 seasons in just one week, then slowing down considerably for s6 and s7, and I think season 8 took me a full month to get through. At that point s9 was a couple of months away, and I alternated between a faint hope for some kind of reunion between Ian and Mickey and just bitter disappointment for the state of the show such as it was at that stage. I absolutely died when the prison reunion happened. I watched that scene on a loop for days, and when I came back up for air I went looking for all the fics I could find. Especially ones set in prison or detailing their life after prison, since I was so convinced they were off the show for good. But of course that's not how it went. What a wild ride indeed! Those days were so crazy for me lol

GT: How did it feel to come into such a large, albeit somewhat asleep at the time, fandom?

R: It was weird because I wasn't on Tumblr at the time. I'd had a blog before but then left for a few years and once I got into Shameless I didn't immediately come back to it. I looked up news about the show on Reddit of all places. Then around the time I started reading fic, I found a little blog called gallavichthings ❤️ where I caught up on all the meta that had been written over the years (and gifsets and art and everything else). I only made my new blog when s10 was about to start, right around the time I posted my first fic on AO3. And at that point the fandom was being revived by I&M being on the show again and by the news that they'd be getting married by the end of season 10. It was my first real experience of being active in a fandom like this, so it was pretty wild for me. It was definitely not as nice and chill as it is nowadays, that's for sure.

GT: Awn, I'm glad to be part of your Gallavich journey. 

Are you able to select a favorite season, seeing as you saw them kind of all together?

R: Oof the earlier seasons are all so special in their own ways. But when I got to season 4, the grip this show had on me had reached the highest levels. Despite Ian being gone for so much of it, or maybe because of it, since his absence was so deeply felt and instrumental for us to see sides of Mickey we hadn't seen before. I'm a sucker for some good pining. And then the second half of the season was such a rollercoaster of emotions... Ugh. Plus it was also an amazing season for the other characters (Fiona especially, who I love so much). So dark and intense, and it felt like a more 'adult' season than previous ones. It just hurt so good.

GT: What's your favorite episode overall?

R: It's hard to choose a favourite, but I think ep 4x11, Emily.

GT: Oh, that's a fantastic one! What about a favorite scene?

R: Maybe the s5 dugouts scene in 5x10. The way it's filmed, the lighting, the music, the rawness of the emotions... it hurts like hell to watch them hurt each other, but then there's that sense of release, and of new hope when they're finally on the same page again and happy... and then it gets taken away from them, because we can't have nice things. But that scene is such a little gem, and it never fails to make me feel all the feels.

GT: If you could go back and change only one thing about the show, what would you change?

R: The quality drop in the later seasons? lol. Honestly, as happy as I am that we got to see Ian and Mickey get married and be husbands, the show was just unrecognisable by the end. So I'd have it end sooner. Have the s7 finale be the final episode of the show, but with a happy ending for Ian and Mickey, obviously.

GT: Speaking of, what did you think of the ending?

R: I wish I could say I was satisfied with it, but yeah, no. It was way too open ended, I only liked where they left things for Ian and Mickey, and I should count myself lucky for that, really. The parallels they tried to do with the pilot and season 1 mostly fell flat for me, but then, like I said, the show was a shadow of its former self by that point. There was too little left to enjoy for me. I don't think I would've watched s10 and 11 at all if it wasn't for Ian and Mickey.

GT: How do you headcanon Ian and Mickey's life together after the ending?

R: I think they live in that apartment for a couple years, then get a house closer to where they grew up. They keep in touch with family and spend holidays with the other Gallaghers. They get a pet or two, and eventually adopt or foster kids, a few years down the line. Mickey takes over the security business, while Ian finds a way to use his medical training again to help the community. They'll be happy, safe and in love for the rest of their lives. ❤️

The happily ever after they deserve.

GT: Well, that's it from me. Thank you so much for your time! Now leave a message to those reading this.

R: This was great, thank you! And thanks to everyone in this little corner of the Internet. Whether you create or simply enjoy creations and support them, you are a vital part of something really special. Thank you for being on this ride with me, and here's to another year full of ideas, events, collaborations, and lots and lots of fun!

[doubledyke]

hey, i’ve read some of your writing and i really like it. do you have any tips?

aw dude that's really sweet. i'm really self conscious about everything i write so i appreciate hearing that. i'm still learning myself, so my advice is probably gonna be kind of obvious yet nebulous (much like my writing). oh and im not great at following my own advice, but we can ignore that.

first and foremost i'd say try to have fun. get weird with it. don't stress too much about it. it's supposed to be an enjoyable pastime, so write what YOU like, how you like. the "rules" of grammar and composition are helpful, but you're allowed to be a lot more lax with creative writing. i know i am 👀

in my humble opinion, you can never have too many details, even- or especially- oddly specific ones. personal experiences are a great way to inject some minutiae, and i enjoy the insight they provide into the author's perspective, background, thought process, etc.. there are infinite other tools at your disposal too. like the number of times i've found myself browsing ancient, niche forums just to confirm one insignificant bit of information is ridiculous.

don't be afraid to take your story as seriously or unseriously as you want. sometimes i'll be snapped out of focus with the thought of "am i really writing this rn" 😂 but i just try to remind myself that i'm (usually) having fun, i'm not hurting anyone and someone might even enjoy the final product.

for eene, try to listen to the voice acting as much as you watch the animation. and don't be afraid to step outside your comfort zone when writing a character. i'm neither comfortable, nor very good at writing for ed, but i nutted up and gave it a shot recently and yeah it's nuclear level cringe but i suppose it can't get any worse, right? RIGHT???.... i love learning new words, so when i'm writing for edd (and in general) you know i keep that thesaurus tab open. with eddy, there's always room for more irreverence. i'm also one of those people that cannot help but drop almost every g when i write eddy. and it's just as important to get their idiolects down, which can be tricky. BUT that's mostly if your goal is to stay close to the source material, which is definitely not necessary. i'm just not a very creative person 😂

if you're in a rut, skip to another section, or hell even another chapter. the fic i'm working on rn was hatched from a simple premise several months ago, so i started at the end and have been building on that. an unconventional starting point can be really helpful when you're struggling to start at all. because i'm me, it's turned into a nightmare beast that i can't seem to contain, but i still have a general idea of where we're going and we'll get there eventually lmfao. to that point, outlines, bullet points, notes, etc. are all very useful.

take breaks, let her sit for a while. i'll write a whole bunch, leave, come back to review and be like girl what the hell is this. fresh eyes make a big difference! however, don't be like me and get too caught up in the weeds. i make compulsive little tweaks of my shit up to the point and even after i hit post. more often than not, it's more stress than it's worth. i just can't help it 🥴

and then of course, read other people's stuff. i'm not much of a fiction reader but i make exceptions for the sake of my hyper-fixation. it truly does help to see different perspectives and styles of writing. everyone has a unique voice that really comes through in creative writing, which i love. i've gleaned a lot from reading other people's work as well. i frequently come across new and creative ideas for changing up sentence structure, dialogue tags and narration by reading stuff from fellow fans.

aaaaaand yeah idk what else really. like i said, i'm not the best at writing but i think as long as you're getting your ideas across in the way that you want to, you're golden. anyone who makes shitty remarks about someone else's writing can sit and spin honestly.

[theminecraftbee]

fanfic ask game: for hermitcraft specifically, those two fandom plots - "grian watcher angst" and "dsmp character goes to therapy". your thoughts, both on the concepts and on the typical execution thereof?

oh i see you're coming in with the controversial ones for me. hm. okay like.

....both of these are in the D-F range but i'm reluctant to put them fully in F because there are good examples out there that i like and i don't like saying "yeah i outright won't read this" when like, if a friend or an author i trust writes it, or someone puts something in a summary that makes me say "oh they're doing something new with the concept okay" happens, i will read it. also i always feel bad about my knee-jerk dislike of hermit!tommy given that hermit!tommy is actually pretty directly what got me into hermitcraft, so like. cannot possibly be that bad. just...

the problem with these types of fics tends to partially be "overdone" which like, once again. not always a problem in fanfic spaces. i'll go back to my naruto team 7 as family example i have read COUNTLESS of those fics that basically all have the same plot (kakashi puts them through hell training! bonding about trauma! the very specific plot point of 'they go to the chunin exams and are wildly overprepared for them and everyone goes 'what are they feeding those kids', often with the exact sakura/ino fight except sakura wildly outclasses her because she's 'grown up' now or whatever') and i eat them all up! for the people who like those tropes the fact they're popular is GREAT. the problem is, of course, when you're sort of tired of it and would like something else but that something else is annoyingly hard to find and then you're sitting there like "i know that complaining doesn't actually generate more fic, me WRITING generates more fic, but i only have but so much capacity and i want MY popcorn reading, where's MY popcorn reading".

...that extended ramble got a little out of hand but like. you see where i'm coming from, right?

the other problem is that i have a very, very limited patience for certain types of angst. which is silly, because i'm an angst writer to some extent (or, okay, i have a very complicated relationship with that, i actually wouldn't describe myself as an angst writer but people who do are valid and i fully understand where they're coming from). i also have a very limited patience for whump unless it scratches exactly the right itch for me. and i really, REALLY don't have patience for when the angst is just... circular, nothing ever gets resolved, you spend ten chapters in the same repetitive cycle of angst and comfort, and it's not really those tropes' fault that a lot of this happens there, right. it's that they're POPULAR so a lot of new writers write them. but writing angst that doesn't just make me bored is HARD and because i have trouble finding a lot of those fics that do write it well i have a tendency to write it off, because the other involved tropes aren't things i like enough to make me keep reading despite it doing a thing i dislike.

(the third secret reason i tend to mistrust these genres is 'i am so fucking picky about mumbo characterization these days and no one ever writes him right i am the most suffering person ever and also now whenever pearl is used for grian angst with no character of her own i descend from the trees like a feral tiger and maul something". these, however, are personal problems. especially the mumbo thing. my pickiness about mumbo is deeply self-inflicted and not even entirely accurate sometimes.)

but the thing is, as i said... if you're already my friend. if i already know i like your writing. and you write this stuff? yeah i'm on top of it. if i have had a friend vouch for you? yeah sure i'll check it out. it's just that i dislike enough of this stuff that i just... fundamentally will not read anything that hasn't been vouched for me or doesn't have such a good high concept that i can hold my nose and hope.

"but second didn't you just write a watcher thing last night also" yes i know this is the other reason i feel bad writing this one out because the problem really is "lots of baby writers hitting exactly the points of writing that i personally can't stand and also a complete saturation of it when i'm trying to find other stuff" instead of necessarily. anything wrong with the trope itself. i don't know. fandom oversaturation can be frustrating.

...so yeah. D or F.

[ladynightlark]

Hello! Me again! I have a question writing wise.

I was wondering how you try to always keep your characters...well, in character lol. Or rather, how do you keep their personalities the same or nearly the same as in canon. For me, when writing For This is All for My Sunshine, I'm always going to the show or Manga to try and study their characters, but I can't help but feel they still come out as OOC.

So, I'm wondering how you combat this problem?

Hi! Glad to hear from you again!

So, this is an interesting question because I think it’s definitely (in my opinion) one of the biggest challenges that come from writing role-swaps. And it makes sense, as one of the major indicators I think most readers rely on when deciding whether to follow a story is how well certain characters (especially Nezuko) who may not get a lot of development/screen time in canon are portrayed.

After all, Nezuko is her own person, and writing her to be a carbon copy of canon Tanjiro wouldn’t do her character complete justice.

This is definitely something I still struggle with (to the point that sometimes, it’s part of the reason I get so behind on updates lol), but like you mentioned in your questions, one of the first things I do is go to the manga and anime and do some research there. Just read/watch the character I’m studying, see how they interact in certain situations, and just overall see what are the biggest take-aways from their characters altogether.

But something else I do during my “researching” period is read other role-swap and character-focused fics for the characters I want to write for. I like to see how they view the character, and then based on that, I like to add my own headcanons and see what fits best.

I also like to look into tumblrs and authors that like to do posts and fics going into the character. There’s a lot of great demon slayer writers out there, and sometimes they like to post about their thoughts and how they came to them. Or share their favorite headcanons.

Same with TikTok and YouTube, there are definitely some creators that have such an in-depth look into some characters and provide a lot of insight into who they are and what they’re meant to represent in the KNY universe.

Another good source of info on lesser known characters are the handbooks and light novels. They have lots of little details about certain characters that may not have made their way into the manga/anime, especially on stuff about their past and even behaviors growing up. 

I highly recommend checking out the Wiki as well from time to time, as you’ll often find a lot of these details compiled there, along with some information on character personality and fighting styles. 

Finally, I like to focus on one or two major themes/ideas that the character is supposed to have. I may go to the manga or anime and look for supposed important moments/lines they have in the story, and write those down. So it’s something I can reference.

If I find myself particularly stuck, I’ll open up a document and just spend maybe 30 minutes or so just doing research and recording notes about the character there. So when I’m back to writing, I can have that doc open on the side and consult what I have.

Ultimately, it’s up to you to do your take on the character. I don’t think there’s any wrong way to go about portraying Nezuko and other characters, as long as they have something about them that makes them distinctly them.

You’re doing a great job with your fic, so don’t overthink how you write them! And nothing says you can’t go back and revise your work later on if you decide to change something about the character you’re writing.

I hope this helps! Feel free to send in more asks and whatnot about writing help if you or anyone reading this found these types of posts helpful!

Good luck with your story, and have an awesome day!

[sanjisblackasswife]

I just wanted to say I love your fics so much, and I know you write fics for a black fem reader in mind but me personally I still find myself able to relate to it. I think a lot of POC can relate to them even if they're not specifically black, I think you're really doing a service to the community tbh 😭😭💖💖💖

It just got me to thinking about your blog because I was reading a long fic on ao3 for another fandom, and this person was getting a looot of fanart, one of them where the reader was blonde (and no hate, it was a really gorgeous fanart). The author asked "I keep it ambiguous, but does everyone imagine the reader as blonde? Does she give off those vibes" and in my mind I'm like "NEVER ONCE IN MY LIFE 💀💀"

Ppl commenting "yes blonde" or "no i imagine brunette" and I'm like 🧍🏽‍♀️LMAO Nothing against the author at all, it's a really great fic and they were just doing a bit of a poll with their readers ofc

It just made me appreciate authors who do keep a POC reader in mind even if it's not explicit. I feel like even people who are trying to keep the reader vague sometimes let smth slip that makes you feel like they did have a white reader in mind, makes you go 🤔 I think its just smth people default to a lot of the time when imagining a reader insert... COULD NOT BE ME THO LMAOOO I think all the fanart I'd seen for that fic has the reader white, so only thing to do is to make fanart where the character has a POC darling 😤😤 LOL

Didn't mean to ramble on or everything, hope this isnt too long for your ask box, but yeah I just wanted to say I really love and appreciate your fics!!! <3💖💖💖💖 Always look forward to seeing more stuff from you!!

me when people that arent black/POC still enjoy my content:

my fics are self indulgent and i made then for me and for my lil safe space so for u to be able to appreciate it and enjoy is still amazing thank u :(((

there arent many popular poc/black writers/artists now of days so for people to automatically assume y/n as a white girl doesnt surprise me lmao

I LOVEEEE when i see fanart or fics and they make y/n black it makes the lil girl in me so happy n im so glad i’m finally able to be one of those people to do it let alone have people like it too😭

[olderthannetfic]

What I find most baffling about the whole monolingual thing is that,,, you don’t even have to fully learn second language to find information about other languages and cultures

For example, youtube recently recommended me a video titled “what makes simplified chinese so simple?” And I just watched it. It’s that simple. From there on, I keep getting videos like that, and I watch them. They’re 10 minutes long

I’ve accidentally learned a few basics of traditional Chinese fashion thanks to playing a dress up game (like what hanfu is and why it’s called that, why this silhouette is masculine and why this hairstyle is feminine etc)

Especially in english, there’s no shortage of people who want to share their culture on youtube. Even if you just follow someone on tumblr who speaks english as a second language, they’ll occasionally say stuff about their native, because people love talking about themselves

For example, have you (general you) never stumbled on a fic in another language on ao3, looked at the tags, and gone “I wish I could read that”? An old fandom I was in had a bunch of Russian authors who posted great stuff, and we just google translated their fics. We picked up on the differences in phrasing and sentence structure, on why a word sounds harsh in English but normal in Russian, on why sometimes a character “it went” instead of “he went”

A channel on youtube called World Friends or Language friends iirc that has members from different countries discussing differences in culture and language. The author of Iron Widow makes videos on chinese history and culture. When eurovision rolled around, I saw a woman explaining the meaning behind an Ukrainian song

Like, even if fandom is your main thing and can’t focus on anything else… the source materials for one of my fandoms is inspired by romania, you can tell the writers opened a romanian history book. Someone made a post along the lines of “this character that comes from a noble family would have lost his money when communism rolled around” and someone replied along the lines of “wait communism and the nobility era were that close together??” And the op went on to explain that “nobili” in Romanian is in fact different from what we think of as “nobles” in english

I feel like I rambled a lot but TL;DR it’s super easy to find info on other cultures in the era of the internet, if you just have an open mind and are willing to listen

--

I showed friends that channel, and they immediately started shipping the Korean, Japanese, and Chinese ones who have all those videos together. Haha.