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archived-kin · 3 years

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genshin modern au cheat sheet

i’m planning to do more pieces set in this au, so i’ve put together a quick list of the characters i'm planning to write about/include!

there are three main groups here - the zhao family, the ragnvindr family and friends, and the Miscellaneous Pals™

(the next volume in this au is going to be a xiao piece, and that should be up within the next two or so days!)

1. the zhao family

zhongli, 36: history professor at the local uni who also plays the guzheng very well, tea-enjoyer, a very proud and supportive dad who loves his kids more than anything in the universe - probably unironically has so many pictures of them in his wallet

xiao, 23: taking a degree in psychology at the local uni, has a cool motorbike, bit of a control freak, doesn’t like surprises, will drop-kick you if you look at him or his sister funny, wants a cat but his dad’s allergic, never really grew out of his emo phase

yanfei, 19: baby of the family, prodigy lawyer-in-training, far smarter than many people give her credit for, likes building snowmen, has to protect her unsuspecting dad from Evil Salespeople looking to make some extra money

xiao and yanfei are biological siblings, and zhongli adopted them when xiao was 11 and yanfei was 7. the circumstances of this adoption is a mystery that none of the zhao family members seem willing to divulge…

the zhao siblings can have a little bit of tragic backstory. as a treat.

basically they were born into poverty and often went hungry for days on end. biological parents were distant and neglecting (though not actually physically/emotionally abusive - yet.)

when xiao was caught shoplifting bread and fruit from a local grocery store so that he and yanfei could actually eat, both parents went ballistic and kicked him out the house in the middle of one of the coldest winters the town had seen

poor kid was practically freezing to death out there, and yanfei raised such a fuss back in the house that mum slapped her square in the face to get her to shut up, which xiao saw through the window, and he promptly decided that he Was Not Putting Up With This Shit for any longer

immediately went to a neighbour’s house and told them what was going on, neighbours promptly called cps, and an investigation was launched

parents were deemed unsuitable for raising kids and (after a lot of back and forth) the two kids were taken into care

meanwhile zhongli was kind of sad because he had no friends or family in this town and all he really did was write articles, read books, and mark work

then one of his co-workers mentioned hearing about xiao and yanfei’s story and it hit zhongli so hard that he immediately rang up the adoption centre and ended up taking them in

and from then on both yanfei and xiao were very happy and healthy because zhongli was literally the best dad ever and put everything into taking care of them

2. the ragnvindr family (+ friends)

diluc, 29: budding businessman who still works at his dad’s cafe but is looking to open up his own company some time soon, still buys himself juice in those little cartons with the straws, still doesn’t know how raising bread works?? how does it get bigger???

diona, 7: diluc’s adopted daughter who has her father firmly under her thumb, bit of a spitfire but can also be the sweetest kid ever, enjoys making ‘potions’ out of grass and flowers and water (diluc can and will actually drink these potions because his love for his daughter knows no bounds)

kaeya, 25: diluc’s idiot little brother who’s changed majors at least five times and still doesn’t really know what he wants to do, practises fencing and horse riding in his spare time like a nerd, spoils his niece rotten

lisa, 26: the first of kaeya’s three roommates, has a degree in english and could easily have gone on to become a leading scholar but chose to instead open a bookshop that gets way more business than expected because she’s pretty and men and women alike are all simps

albedo, 23: the second of kaeya’s roommates, bit of a genius, has already started his chemistry phd, is almost concerningly pale and exhausted at all times, has not gone a day without breaking one of the cups for at least two years

venti, 21: the third of kaeya’s roommates, studying music, acts way older than he is sometimes but is mostly just a child, asks at least one of his roommates to marry him every day without fail, was and still is both a music and a theatre kid

lisa’s actually the one who owns the roommates’ residence because it’s on top of her bookshop

i was going to keep the whole ragnvindr family trauma thing but i decided that diluc deserved to be happy in at least one au so the brothers are still happy brothers :D

unfortunately that means that i’ve transferred a lot of the family trauma over to diona

essentially her mother died when she was a baby and her father, draff, turned to alcohol to get him through the stress of raising a child alone. unfortunately this led to him drunk driving one day, and he crashed the car into one of the wall’s of diluc’s dad’s cafe.

draff died on impact since he was in the front seat, but three-year-old diona managed to pull through despite her injuries. one thing led to another, diluc ended up taking care of her for a bit while the authorities sorted the whole thing out, but then he got too attached and decided to adopt her permanently

now diona has a dad, three uncles and an aunt who are all willing to shower her with all the love she deserves :’)))))

3. the Miscellaneous Pals™:

xiangling, xingqiu, chongyun, 17: local high school kids, they’re all kind of dating each other, low-key got adopted by xiao at one point, guoba is xiangling’s guinea pig and they all have joint custody over him

barbara, bennett, razor, 17: also local high school kids, also kind of all dating each other (but a lot more tentatively), regulars at diluc’s cafe, almost never seen apart

lumine, aether, ??: they keep showing up here and there around town to climb a tree and just sit there throwing leaves at people on the streets, then disappear. no one knows who the fuck they are

tartaglia, 23: nicknamed childe by his friends, also known as Mr Moneybags, is always just hanging around the local uni campus but doesn’t actually study anything there. his real name is ajax, but he thought that was lame so he gave himself a cool new one

eula, 24: new teacher at the local high school, her father used to be headmaster and was notoriously cruel to his students so everyone’s kind of wary of her, but she’s just really sweet and wants the best for her pupils :(((

amber, 21: number one eula defender, teaches the younger kids at the local primary, likes bunsen burners a little bit too much, still can’t remember how to spell the word necessary

hu tao, 25?: shady local mortician who may or may not practise illegal things, was kind of dating yanfei at some point but zhongli sent her packing as soon as he realised who she was, no one knows what her deal is

xiangling’s already a budding master chef and has received several offers from culinary schools, xingqiu is planning to study literature/language at uni but also might just go straight to trying to get a book published, chongyun is going to continue the family tradition of studying the supernatural with maybe a side job at xiangling’s future restaurant so that he doesn’t end up with no money if he doesn’t get any supernatural work

barbara is planning to go to medical school and also sings/dances in her spare time, bennett still doesn’t know what he wants to do but is considering carpentry among other things, and razor is dead-set on working at either a zoo or an animal shelter when he’s older

tartaglia never leaves the house without at least three pocket knives and a water pistol. he’s never had to use them yet, but you never know...

eula and amber live together and are probably dating but they’ll both just dodge the question if you ask them about it

they’re most definitely together though because on eula’s birthday amber brought her entire class of little kids to say happy birthday and bring her flowers

(incidentally amber is diona’s teacher)

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13eyond13 · 3 years

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HI! Guess who's back. I'm not sure if you're going to remember me but I'm Abs Anon. It's been a long while! I moved countries now and I'm not boringly waiting at ER, I'm boringly waiting for customers, trying to come up with a cool ask. Unfortunately this is all I've got: what character of death note would be worse/best at customer service. Rating from 0 to 10 if you want. I hope you have a great day!! <3

Why hello Absy! What a pleasant surprise. Congratulations on the big move! I love this ask lol... DEATH NOTE CHARACTERS + HOW WELL THEY WOULD PROVIDE CUSTOMER SERVICE:

B: Has the exact opposite of a helpful, cooperative attitude, and is probably constantly looking for ways he can undermine or one-up others whenever they come to him with legitimate questions or complaints (1/10)

ROGER: Very easily stressed and discouraged by customer dissatisfaction, and no tact for resolving the issues harmoniously or efficiently. No customers voluntarily choose him to deal with their problems, and his colleagues often forget he even works there (1.5/10)

SIDOH: Vaguely cares about the customer's concerns because he is anxious and easily bossed around, but useless at actually fixing the issues. Also calls in sick every other day (2/10)

RYUK: Just out to have a good time and to avoid punishment or responsibility at all costs. Mostly trying to catch a nap in the storage room or figuring out how to shoplift something from his own store without being caught on the security cameras (3/10)

MIKAMI: That sullen guy who always eats by himself in the corner of the break room, and who you've never seen smiling once. Follows the company policy to the letter, but he's definitely not someone you would choose to warmly greet customers at the door (4/10)

REM: She is only helpful if she has a crush on you (4/10)

L: Can be pleasant and tactful if he wants to be, but is very unsympathetic and sarcastic to customers and coworkers who irritate him by being inefficient or slow to catch on. Extremely knowledgeable about the things he's genuinely interested in, so still gets a fair number of repeat clients who request his help because they believe he's the best at fixing the issue, even if not the most personable or patient (5/10)

MATT: Probably more fun to hang out with as a coworker than to rely on for a job well done. Will always go for a raunchy joke rather than attempt to be appropriate, and though he is smart and capable he doesn't really care that much if he's being recognized for his achievements or climbing the corporate "ladder of success" (5.5/10)

AIZAWA: Wants to do a good job, but isn't that great at coming up with original solutions of his own, and sometimes lets his hot temper get in the way of being helpful and polite (6/10)

MELLO: Perfectly capable of delivering good customer service, but has very little desire to help others, and also thinks it's usually funnier to watch them sweat (6.5/10)

NEAR: Likes working together to solve problems with others, and is pretty good at it, but has a hard time stuffing his own blunt and negative opinions when he's cranky or annoyed (7/10)

WEDY: Does whatever is asked of her perfectly fine, but is a bit too aloof and independent to be a natural team player (7/10)

HALLE: Great at being flexible in order to meet demands, but sometimes lets her own personal feelings get in the way of a job well done (7.5/10)

KIYOMI: Has the polite customer service voice down pat, but is a little bit too much of a fussy diva to wait on others without reserve (7.5/10)

LIGHT: Great at figuring out what others want from him and then attempting to become that for them, but his secret arrogance and snobby sense of superiority makes it so he is never truly committed to performing at the top of his game in a servile role. An exception might be if it was a position that gave him special distinction and social status while also appearing servile (eg. a clergyman or some such thing) (8/10)

MISA: Cheerful disposition and an entertainer by trade, smart at knowing what others want from her and then giving it to them. Would be higher up if she didn't let her personal feelings get in the way of her professionalism a bit much (8.5/10)

NAOMI: Expert at being likable and perceptive and at stuffing her own negative feelings and opinions in order to get the job done, but could stand to be a little more extraverted and optimistic, maybe (8.5/10)

MATSUDA: Extremely enthusiastic and genuinely outgoing, always willing to lend a hand and a people-pleaser to a fault. Would be higher up if he didn't run his mouth a bit too much without thinking sometimes (8.5/10)

SOICHIRO: Very hard worker with a sincere desire to help everyone and think about what's best for others instead of just himself, but might get a little blustery and temperamental if there were big stressful conflicts at work (8.5/10)

WATARI: Master of fading into the background and just being a silent servant dude. Would be higher up on the list except that he might be a little TOO good at being invisible sometimes (9/10)

SACHIKO: Also kind of a master of fading into the background and being a silent servant type; biggest weak spot is she can be a little frosty when she doesn't like someone, and it shows (9/10)

MOGI: Has an incredibly array of skills and almost never lets his personal feelings get in the way of doing his job well or helping whoever needs to be helped. Also pushes himself to be outgoing when he has to, even though he's shy (9.5/10)

GEVANNI: Extremely hard worker who you could rely on to get anything done, and seems to make it his mission to be useful while also successfully blending in (9.5/10)

SAYU: Laid-back, friendly, funny and sweet; I'd definitely hire her to work as a cashier or a hostess anytime, even if she might sometimes get slightly lazy about doing her work (9.5/10)

AIBER: Charming, easygoing, and flexible for fitting any role he's asked to fill, plus a people-person and body language expert by trade. You just know he'd be the top salesman on your salesfloor and snapping up that employee of the month position every other month (10/10)

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nocluewhatsupg · 4 years

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Michael, Brahms, Jason, and Billy being dragged on a hiking trip

Michael Myers

What

Wack

Mildly amused by whatever he finds along the trail

Does not complain, somehow keeps that creepy speed-walk for the entire trip

You’ve got no clue how he feels, but you’re certain he’d rather be anywhere else

Might push you into the lake if he’s bored (and you’re around one)

Might try to trip you by suddenly walking both ahead of you and over you (he’s more important).

Doesn’t want to leave his signature jumpsuit no matter how much you nag, instantly regrets his decision once he’s covered in sweat and his clothes are scratched and covered in scrapes from thorns he wandered into. Won’t admit it, though.

Wears the fucking mask. You may be able to wrestle him into a short sleeved shirt and sweatpants with a lot of careful persuasion, but the mask is non negotiable. He also pours water from your bottle directly onto the mask. Maybe he drinks from the eye holes, who knows. You have no clue how it’s in such good condition.

Speaking of wandering into thorns, he’ll wander off the trail. No need to go after him or worry, he’s a real survivalist , and he’ll either find his way back to your car, or you’ll hear of a recent massacre in a nearby town...

Glares at anyone you may encounter, standing behind you menacingly. Funny, people are so rude to just hurry past you, and not greet you...

Drinks from the lake too, despite your protests. Should’ve brought him some fucking fruit juice or something.

Will find a squirrel, or whatever animal he can choke the life out of, and promptly place it in your hands.

Take him home now or you’re next.

The trip ends there, and went just as bad as you expected.

If there’s a visitor’s office, he’ll be fascinated by the trinkets for sale. He doesn’t want one, and might strangle you if you point out a magnet or key chain with his name on it. If you’re immortal, you might buy one just to fuck with him later. He shoplifts some food, mainly dried jerky, while making direct eye contact with the poor cashier (who is currently wondering if their job is really worth it).

Stares at the taxidermy animals stuffed on the walls. Idly wonders if he can get you stuffed when you eventually die. If he’s in a good mood, he’ll point to the morbid work of art, then to you until you get the point. He doesn’t want your opinion. He just wants you to know he’ll think about doing it. How sweet of him.

There are some cheap stamps on a table, meant for small passports you can buy to track where you’ve been (if it’s a large, government funded park). Michael will allow you to stamp (and maybe thirst over) his hand, but only after you’ve stamped your own hand first. Just in case. Mildly panicked when he couldn’t rub it off. There was obviously no emotional reaction, but his sharp blue eyes betrayed his fear. You quickly reassured him it would come off, and he relaxed. Looked very dead inside, and you would be dead on the outside and in if you mentioned it.

Next time, you hike by yourself, and find that he’s lurking in the shadows. How he got there before you is beyond you, but he’s there. Mission passed?

(Secretly enjoyed the outdoors, just doesn’t want to do what you tell him)

Brahms Heelshire

Props on you for getting him out of his mansion. You’re most likely walking around the estate’s vast property, the most you could convince him to go.

He is whining, tugging on your sleeve, begging to go back inside.

He is not tired, or sore, or uncomfortable. Going out was never part of the rules. There was no need to do so.

Brahms grows more and more irritated as you continue, and you realize why you never saw parents with small children on the trails.

Snap at him and he’ll snap right back, picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder. He takes you, screaming and kicking, back inside. You yell at him for a good long while, and by the time child-Brahms is back and begging for your forgiveness, you’ve lost the mood to hike. With a sigh, you leave him in the kitchen, and turn to lock yourself away in your room. He isn’t far, however..

Assuming you bit your tongue and stayed silent (as you did with many of his strange mannerisms), he just might shut up long enough for you to begin to enjoy the thick British forest. Mossy stones and vine covered trees, all much older than you could begin to imagine.

You might have a better chance at hiking in peace if you tie it into the schedule, opting to tell a fantasy story about goblins or fairies as you both walk through the very land the story could just take place in. Distracted, he’ll become enthralled in your story, and throwing you over his shoulder, taking you where he wants to be, will slowly slip out of his mind. You aren’t safe, though.

The sun dips below the trees, and you realized just how long you’ve been wandering around. There was still no sight of the fences that close the land off.

At the suggestion (or command, really. You are the one in charge. Maybe.) Brahms stands very still. The porcelain mask tilts upwards, to the multicolored sky, and he asks to sleep under the stars. The novel the two of you read back in the mansion had just been through a chapter where the characters slept outside, and it was only natural he wanted to experience it too.

You sigh. There aren’t any proper materials to really camp, but you didn’t want to let him down. So, you compromise. You’d start a small fire, and you’d both sit around it until it grew too cold and the flames weren’t enough. There was no sleeping on the ground, but it would be a curious idea to do in the summer.

Brahms lost interest in the fire faster than you thought. He stared at it for a good ten minutes, then began to pester you. He realized it was nothing special, it was just like the ones inside. Plus, he’s spent far too much time outside and a chill was beginning to crawl down his spine, shown to you when he’d swirl his head around to stare at the pitch black forest.

Whispering, as if to not wake the world around you, you urge him to sit still and enjoy. He doesn’t. It’s too cold. When he sits closer to the fire, it’s too hot. You throw another stick of wood into the orange flames and tell him to go inside. That won’t work either, because he wants you to go in with him.

Without a word, you place your face sharply into your palms. Your hot exhales warmed your hands, and accurately expressed the sparking embers of frustration inside your stomach. Brahms shuffles nervously, not wanting you to act out of normal, but also not wanting to do anything about it. He’s real complex, isn’t he?

Eventually, you agree to go inside. You always have to do what he wants in the end. You’re too tired to shout at him when he sheepishly asks you to sleep with him. You kiss the porcelain begrudgingly, and shuffle off to your room.

He watches you a little longer, from the walls. Just to make sure you’ve got no plans to leave.

Then maybe sneaks into your bed. What? Why are you upset? You looked cold. He’s doing you a favor. Thank him. No he won’t leave, you’ll freeze to death.

Billy Lenz

Actually having a good time.

He’s nervous, as always, but he was far too distracted by the sudden change in surroundings to care.

Of course he’d been outside before, gone to parks in his childhood just as everyone had, but they weren’t trips he could enjoy.

Here, it’s just you, him, and the great outdoors.

Things start off well, with him stopping occasionally to touch a weird plant, or to point out a bug that scuttled behind a tree.

He walked oddly, hands in his back pockets and he was rather hunched over his own figure. He seemed rather awkward, and when you’d remind him he was fine, he’d stand up straighter and give you an unsure smile. Most annoyingly, he’d swing his elbows with each step. They often smacked into yours, and you never earned an apology.

You told him he’d get tired like that, and all he did was shout “Hogwash!” at you in an accent you couldn’t quite put your finger on, and continue. He swung harder just because he could, nearly twisting himself around with intensity, and you earned a bruise or two when he’d lean closer to you.

Predictably, he grew tired, and complained.

Congrats, you’re walking with a human radio that never turns off.

Offers to take your water bottle, and drinks it all while you’re distracted by the scenery.

Speaking of scenery, he doesn’t care. Billy might point out how a mountain off in the distance looks like a certain shot in a movie he watched years ago, or suddenly begin rambling about a plot of another film whose setting reminded himself of where he walked now. It’s interesting to listen to, sure, but he goes on for hours. Fortunately, he doesn’t seem to care if you don’t pay attention.

He will hiss and snarl at anyone you may encounter on the trail, either mocking them if they greet him (or you), or mock your response (or theirs). Please hope you don’t run into anyone with an accent, because he’ll speak in a poor reenactment of it for the rest of the trip.

Is incredibly hypocritical and will become upset if you cross paths with a group of loud hikers. Will scream how it’s rude to ruin the peace. Once the group silences, he will unconsciously begin to mumble or talk to you. Prepare for nasty stares.

Will stop to pee at least three times, both going and coming back. How many times he actually needed to was beyond you, but he did take an awful long time each stop. You do know for certain he flat out spat on the ground one time, then stood still for four minutes.

Secretly wants to go into the lake, but doesn’t say anything about it. You eventually pick up on the look in his wild eyes, and when you gesture to the deep blue water, he wastes no time jumping in. Will slip on a rock, misjudging just how slippery the lake bottom becomes, and is now completely drenched from head to toe. Billy refuses to get undressed, and becomes very uncomfortable if you do when/if you join him. That basically ends that if you are female, he’ll frown and carry a snarl in his words, mumbling something about appeal and trickery. He doesn’t discriminate either, the reaction is similar if you are male, although he doesn’t become nearly as upset. If you don’t go in (the best choice, really), sitting on the sandy shore and keeping your feet into the cool lake, he’ll throw water on you anyway. Rest in peace, your dry clothes. Refusing to surrender to your local attic rat, a playful fight ensues, and for that moment, you almost forget what a monster he is. Maybe it’s best you keep that locked away.

You win, and he bites your shoulder in bitter defeat. It’s not even in a sexy way or anything. He just fucking bites you. You’re lucky it doesn’t bleed much, the wound rather shallow, but it still hurt.

>:(

In his mind, he won, and that’s final. Will brag about his victory the entire ride home.

(shitpost: you cry about your wound, and get him to gingerly reach an arm out to touch it. You take this distraction to bite his wrist. Billy screams so loud all the windows in every car shatters instantly. He pulls away from you, clutching his injured wrist, and shouts every profanity he could think of. You both are not so kindly asked to never return to the park ever again.)

Jason Voorhees

Walking through Crystal Lake? No. You can’t do that. No, y/n, that’s his cursed campground. Go find your own.

You are, however, allowed to walk around the lake. Outside the parameters of the camp, he’s still a little on edge that you’re alive, but he’ll let you. Don’t say he never did anything for you.

He doesn’t make a single sound as he follows you from a slight distance, through bushes and low hanging branches, he’s silent. You turn around and see him standing there, machete in hand, watching.

A chill is constantly going down your spine, and no matter how much you trust him, your brain absolutely does not agree. About fifteen minutes into your hike, you swore you could hear a faint “ch ch ah ah” whispered through the trees.

If you call him out on it, he’ll simply shrug his broad shoulders, then turn his mask slowly to look ahead. He urges you to continue, so he can return to patrolling his beloved camp and slaughtering everything that breaths.

He isn’t being malicious, he cares about you, in some odd fashion. It is only natural for humans to long for companionship, and he is desperate for anything that returns him to a time when he was afraid of a hunter’s gun. You however, in all your beauty, are simply not enough to tear him away from his supernatural duty. Nothing is.

Returning home from the awkward hike, you invite him inside your house, a small two story cabin nestled just outside the camp grounds.

He agrees, shuffles into your living room, and stands there.

Jason parks himself just next to the small television, a spot he’d been to so often there was an outline of eternal mud and grime in the shape of perfect (and large) boots.

He stares at you as you go through your daily routine, as you cook dinner and eat it. As you watch some television, or read a book, or catch up on your favorite hobby. Jason is aware he’s free to leave whenever he wants, do whatever he pleases, but he doesn’t want to. He’s perfectly content with just standing there, far too nervous to actually interact with you.

The sky gets darker, and the crickets begin to chirp loudly. You tell him goodnight, get no response, and head upstairs. He waits a few moments, turns off your living room lights, and vanishes back into the thick, New Jersey woods. Duty calls.

#slasher #slashers #jason voorhees #michael myers #billy lenz #brahms heelshire #slasher community #slasher x reader #michael myers x reader #jason voorhees x reader #billy lenz x reader #brahms heelshire x reader

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champagne-bucky · 4 years

Text

Rebel,Rebel

Summary: Peter doesn’t like a disobedient girl.

Warnings: Dark! Peter Parker (18+) x female reader, non-con/dub-con, knife play, face fucking, begging, humiliation kink, squirting, smut, fondling, hand job, anal play

Notes: Hehe, sooo this challenge is very very late and I’m very very sorry. I’d like to apologize to @mariessecretfantasies for being soooo late. Anyways I hope you enjoy this one!!

“WHAT YOU DID WAS INCREDIBLY STUPID. I CANNOT PUT INTO WORDS HOW CARELESS AND CHILDISH YOUR ACTIONS WERE! I SHOULD HAVE YOU SUSPENDED, NO-“

You tried your hardest to stop the growing smirk on your face as Fury yelled at you. You may or may not have almost killed yourself and others while executing a life or death mission. The key work here was almost.

Being a new recruit was no walk in the park. Other agents were constantly belittling your actions and questioning your position with S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers, you showed them though. With every mission and every time you trained, you made sure to go above and beyond and prove every single one of those people wrong. As a result, a lot of agents became jealous and would do anything they could to ruin your credibility. Which brings you to Fury still yelling in your face.

It’s not like you were completely reckless, you made sure to carefully calculate everything you did so that you wouldn’t risk putting anyone in actual danger. Yes, that mission was technically very poorly executed, but it’s not your fault. Truthfully, the original plan would have cost people their lives if it wasn’t thanks to your quick thinking that saved everyone.

The only reason you were being yelled at instead of praised was because your incompetent teammates didn’t want to question the mission captain and think of a new plan. You were a hero, but those stubborn asses would never admit it.

“You really have me backed into a corner here, Agent,” Fury sighed as he rubbed his face.

“My desk is filled with complaints about your negligence to the team. Even your mission captain wants you suspended indefinitely,” you huffed.

“The only reason everyone complains about me is because they can’t be me. Everything they do, I do it ten times better than they could ever dream of. Even the lousy mission captain couldn’t think of a more brilliant plan than mine. You all should be thanking me really,” Fury raised his brows.

“Thanking you?”

“Yes, you should be thanking me because I’m the only competent one here willing to risk it all to save innocent people. Sorry you only hired people that were too afraid to get their hands dirty, what a sad sad team we have here,” Fury looked as if he wanted to chew your head off more, but for the sake of his already high blood pressure and an impending migraine, he decided against it.

“You know what I’m willing to do for you, Agent,” it didn’t take Fury long to come up with a plan.

“What, Nicholas,” you loved poking at his nerves. The vain in his forehead looked as if it were about to burst.

“I’m going to assign you to our Avengers program,” you gasped internally. The Avenger program? Does that mean-

“Don’t get it twisted. This program does not mean you’ll become an Avenger. This is a shadow program. You’ll be able to go on mission with your Avenger, go to their meetings, press conferences, you get the point,” you scoffed.

“And you’re doing all this for what?” Fury rolled his eyes.

“You may be able to get away with a lot of shit as an agent, but the Avengers are on a whole other level. One slip up and you're done. This program is gonna teach you just how we do things here at S.H.I.E.L.D.,” Fury leaned over the desk to be eye level with you.

You thought about giving him more attitude, but you didn’t want to push your luck. Even though Fury wasn’t saying it, he was pretty much saying that this program could mean a spot on the Avengers, right? Finally, you were all that hard work was giving you the recognition you deserve.

“Alright, Fury, I’ll join your little program. So, who do I get. Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Thor, Agent Romanoff, someone who matches my intelligence and skill set?” You leaned back in your chair with a smug smirk. Fury matched yours.

“I believe a shadow program is well below their pay grade. I was thinking of assigning you to someone who was a little like yourself. I think Peter Parker would be the perfect match for you,” your eyes went wide in disbelief.

“Peter Parker? Him? Oh, Nick, you gotta be kidding me? He doesn’t even go on real missions! He just helps old ladies cross the street, scares punk teens from shoplifting, he’s not even a real Avenger!”

“Mr. Parker is way more qualified than being a neighborhood watchmen, Agent. He’s on the team because he is one of the best. You can learn a thing or two from him. He, very much like yourself, was a big rule breaker too, still is if you ask me. The only reason we haven’t kicked him off yet is because Tony Stark has a soft spot for the kid.”

You tried to argue your way out of being with Peter, but Fury insisted or you would be met with suspension. You grumbled and trudged your way out of his office. Fury mentioned before you left that Peter would be in contact with you shortly. You slammed the door before he got his last words out.

“And don’t forget, follow the rules or be faced with the consequences,” you mocked his words under your breath as you stormed back to the agent’s wing of the compound.

Peter couldn’t believe the phone call he had just gotten from Fury. More importantly he couldn’t believe who was going to be shadowing him. After all this time being in the Avengers program, no one ever wanted to pick him, but you, his crush, well his heart was just bursting at its seams.

“What’s gotten you all smiley, Spidey,” Sam took a seat next to him on the couch.

“N-Nothing, I just got off the phone with Director Fury, he says someone requested me for the shadow program,” Sam laughed.

“And that’s what’s making you get all blushing and giddy? Gee, you not getting enough attention at home?” Peter rolled his eyes at Sam.

“No, it’s, it’s just this girl that I’ve liked for some time. Apparently she wanted me to be her guide.”

“Who is she?” Once Peter said your name, Sam’s eyes lit up in fear.

“Aww no man, you don’t want to be messing around with her,” Peter’s face fell.

“Why not?”

“Well, rumor has it she’s kind of a rebel.”

“Kind of?”

“From what I hear from other agents, she’s always breaking protocol, almost always putting people in danger, risking lives, not a good look if you ask me. Come to think of it, why didn’t Fury deny her application?”

“Maybe he thinks I can be a good influence on her,” Peter smiled and nudged Sam’s arm.

“Pfft, when pigs fly,” Sam got up and walked away leaving Peter to write out an informative email to you.

“Just be careful with her is all I’m saying, kid.”

Peter ignored him as he pulled up his email and began to write to you.

Your alarm was blaring way too early in the morning for your liking. Peter insisted on starting everyday at 6 a.m. because “crime always starts early”, or something stupid like that. You two had only been with each other for a week and it was pure torture for you.

Peter on the other hand indulged in the time he got to spend with you. So far, Sam was being proven wrong about your rebel status. He always made sure you were to follow the book no matter how defiant the look in your eyes was becoming. Maybe you only followed the rules because of him, he’d like to think.

“Peterrrrrrr,” you whined.

“Whattttt,” he mimicked with a laugh.

“This shit is taking too long. Can’t we just-“

“Nope,” Peter interrupted.

“But-“

“Nada.”

“Peter-“

“I believe the correct word we are looking for is no,” you wanted to slap the stupid smirk off his face.

“Peter there is an easier way to do this,” you tried to reason with him, but he just wouldn’t listen.

“You mean there’s the wrong way to do this. I was given my instructions and now we will follow them, AS PLANNED OUT. If you don’t like how the Avengers run things, then maybe you should rethink your status in the program,” Peter stated as he kept his eyes locked on the bank.

This is what it’s been like for the entire week. You were starting to get agitated beyond belief by Peter’s smugness. What a cruel joke Fury decided to play on you. First, he makes Peter your partner, the most useless of all the Avengers when it came to missions and crime fighting. Next, his unwillingness to go off book for one measly second. If Peter could’ve known how much time he’d be saving by just bending the rules a little, he might be able to take on more serious tasks, unlike this stupid bank robbery tipoff he received earlier today.

Nevermind the other laundry list of reasons why you can’t stand Peter Parker and his dopey grin. Right now, you are thinking of good reasons why it would be impossible to get away with the murder of the most annoying person to ever walk the planet, in your opinion. While you were doing your own plotting, Peter was trying to keep his focus on the potential robbery and not the woman of his dreams next to him

The robbers made their move around 4 a.m. After countless hours of hearing Peter ramble on about Star Wars, chemistry, and his web fluid stuff you were thankful to end the night with some action. Peter made sure to take the lead while you were waiting at the back of the bank for a back up call. A stupid strategy, but supposedly Peter knew what was best and refused to go against orders.

Peter surprised the robbers by swinging himself down from the ceiling. There were four men trying to attack him and Peter fought every single one off without taking a breath. However, as things were going seemingly well they took a turn for the worst when one robber pulled out his gun and started to shoot. Peter faltered his steps and quickly dodged a bullet headed straight for his knee. During all this time you were watching from a small window, he still refused to call you for back up.

“Parker, you need my help, tap me in,” you said through your earpiece.

“No, no, uhh, I got it, thanks,” Peter responded quickly while dodging another bullet, this time to his shoulder.

“Parker, you're failing out there,” there was no response from Peter as he kept trying to tame the situation.

You huffed and decided to get to work. You really didn’t want to screw up your chances with this program, but you were left no choice. The line between Peter’s incompetence and stubbornness finally frayed and you just about had to butt in.

“I’m saving his life, I’m not breaking the rules… right?”

Peter was now tackled to the ground by two of the robbers. The one with the gun was reloading his bullets and the other was taking the money out of the machine. Somewhere along the line, they seemed to have damaged a part of his suit and he was bleeding out. That weakness alone was enough for the robbers to use all their strength and hold him down,

“It’s the end of the line for you, Spider-Man,” Peter started to freak out. Was it too late to call you?

“Hey boss, why don’t we see who’s under the mask,” one of the men holding him down said.

The “boss” agreed and began to walk his way towards Peter. He started to hyperventilate at the thought of not only his life ending, but his identity would be exposed.

The robber started to put his hands on the material of his mask, but not before he halted his actions and fell to the ground. Peter was stunned as were the rest of the men, but not for long.

“Hey, who’s that,” one man said as you came down from the ceiling where Peter had entered.

You have your few weapons at the ready and no time to waste. It had already been a long day and you were angry and exhausted. It took no time for you to wipe out the robbers and alert authorities of what went down. The men were hurt badly, but they should be okay, maybe.

Sirens were becoming louder as you quickly grabbed Peter and hauled him out of the back door and into the car. You whipped off his mask and started to check him for any injuries. When you went to touch a bruise on his face, he swatted your hand away.

“What did I tell you?” He said angrily.

“Peter I-“

“I said I would call you for backup and you defied me,” he pressed a button on his suit and it disappeared to his normal clothes.

“Peter you were choking out there! If I would’ve waited for your call you probably would’ve been dead by then! I saved your life, the least you could say is thank you,” you rolled your eyes and slumped back into your seat.

“Thank you? Y/N you blatantly went against my orders and did your own thing. Do you not have any respect for me?”

Your jaw dropped as Peter spoke those words. You cannot believe how irrational this boy was behaving. He was in trouble and you offered to help him.

“You know what Peter? No, no I don’t respect you. You were close to dying and I came in and saved your helpless ass. I have never met somebody so dimmwhitted, so stubborn, so incompetent, so STUPID, and so so SO annoying as you, Peter Parker. Come to think of it? How are you even an Avenger? Aren’t they supposed to have more than the one brain cell you seem to possess? Do they just let anybody be an Avenger or do we all have to suck up to Tony Stark just to get a spot on the team?”

“Get out,” Peter said through gritted teeth.

“What? Can’t handle the criticism?” You laughed as Peter slammed his hand on the center console, creating a dent.

“I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT,” you were surprised at Peter’s tone of voice.

“Get out, get out of this car before you make me do something I’ll regret,” your eyes went wide as you got out of the car and started to run home.

Peter cried that night after he kicked you out of the car. Nobody, not even Mr. Stark talked to him the way you had. The girl he fantasized about each night had called him stupid, annoying, and possibly more hateful words in the English language synonymous to the ones she had said in the car.

Peter needed to take the weekend to himself to process everything. His heart was crushed and his emotions were conflicted. Even after all those terrible words, he still had some feelings for you. How could someone so perfect for him be so cruel to him at the same time?

He avoided everyone at the compound for the weekend. Usually he’d spend the few days there to work on some new tech with Mr. Stark or train with Bucky and Sam, but you lived there too and he couldn’t face you at the moment.

Peter was also screening calls from Fury. At the end of every mission with you, Fury would demand a status report. Peter would always have positive things to say about you, but this time he wouldn’t even know what to tell Fury.

After a movie with MJ and Ned to clear his head, Peter walked back home to the small apartment he shared with his Aunt May. He felt a little better after seeing some friends, but his heart still had a pang in it from your words. Was he really as annoying as you said he was?

Peter didn’t dwell on his thoughts for long before he felt himself getting pulled off the sidewalk and into a sleek black car. He tried to fight off whoever pulled him in, but he stopped struggling once he heard the ring of his cell phone.

“So, it does work,” Fury ended the call and scowled at Peter. “Any reason you haven’t been answering me?”

Peter took a deep gulp as he figured out what he was supposed to say. “Director Fury, I-”

“She finally cracked you,” he simply stated as Peter nodded in agreement.

“I didn’t know what to say because I’m afraid of how you’d react.”

“And what did she say?” Fury questioned.

When Peter told him the whole story from the robbery to her hateful words in the car, Fury just about had blown a fuse.

“SHE WHAT?” Fury expected the absolute worst from you, he’ll admit that, but blatantly insulting her superior crossed a huge line for him.

“Director Fury, I have it all-”

“No, Parker, I’m in the driver’s seat now. No more Mr. Nice Guy,” Fury called for the driver of his car to take off.

“Fury, please, just let me handle this,” it took a lot of convincing, but Fury came to an agreement with Peter.

“If you don’t get rid of her attitude and I find out that she continues to talk to you the way that she did, I’m terminating her position with S.H.I.E.L.D.,” Fury had no time for further discussion as he basically pushed Peter out of the car and sped out of Queens.

Oh, Peter was going to do all he could to make her obey him. It didn’t matter how he was going to train her, but when the time is right he’ll make his dreams come true. Peter was going to make his fantasies come true.

After about a week of no Peter Parker, the Avenger was back and surprisingly better than ever. He made no mention of the car incident and you didn’t want to bring it up either. In fact, Peter seemed to be his happy, normal self while the two of you trained together for an upcoming mission. He was cracking the same jokes and still rambling your ears off about the usual stuff. It shocked you to say the least, he held no ill will for you because of that night. Maybe he finally wised up and was starting to see things your way.

It seems as if lately Peter has become more lax with you. He didn’t get mad when you were just a little late for training sessions or when you would begin your back talk with him. It was as if Peter changed overnight into a completely chill person. Not that you minded at all, you would definitely be taking advantage of his easy going personality.

However, you did notice something in his eyes that you never seen before. You couldn’t pinpoint it, but it was almost like whenever you too got a little rough during training, he would enjoy it and try to push the limit. Maybe it was all a test to see how far your strength could go? Whatever it was, it kept you curious. Peter was acting different, but not too far off from his normal self.

“We have a mission tonight at the docks. Be ready at 10 and we can take turns being watch,” was all Peter said to you before he left the gym to go off with Mr. Stark.

You weren’t used to going on a mission so late. Peter always wanted to arrive at missions early just in case he was being fooled by a criminal. Of course, he always ended up being wrong and everything would happen later at night than in broad daylight (you tried telling him that and he simply waved you off).

You quickly rushed back to your room, slamming the door and triple checking that the locks were in place. The events from tonight’s mission left you speechless, shocked, horrified. Never in your life had you gotten out of a car and booked it to your room so fast. Peter Parker, Spider-Man, New York’s favorite defender, had done an unspeakable act.

It started out like always, just sitting in the car hiding out. Peter wasn’t talking as much so you decided you wouldn’t make conversation either. It was only until the criminals came to the docks where it all went downhill.

Peter told you the same thing he always had, he’ll call you if backup is needed. Of course, Peter found himself in hot water yet again and you decided to intervene. Only this time, you were met with more than just yelling and a kick out of the car.

“You didn’t listen,” the tone in Peter’s voice changed.

“Peter, c’mon now you were in trouble,” you began to speak, but he quickly cut you off.

“You didn’t listen, and now you’re gonna have to be punished,” Peter had a dangerous look in his eyes that scared you.

“Peter, if you’re gonna throw me out again I’ll save you the trouble and just leave. You know I don’t get why you have to be so stubborn all the damn time, if you just-,” as you were going to open the door, you heard the lock click.

“You didn’t listen, you need to be punished,” Peter began to lean closer to you as you pulled harder on the door.

“Peter, PETER,” you screamed as he put his hand on the front zipper of your top.

“Take this off,” you stayed still, “NOW!”

You rushed to take your top off and avoided the tears forming in your eyes. You fumbled with the zipper towards the bottom and Peter groaned impatiently. He grabbed the top and tore it off of you only leaving you in a bra.

You tried to look away from him and cover yourself in the process, but Peter wasn’t having any of that. He grabbed you by the chin with one hand as the other made its way to your chest. You tried to fight his intentions, but he wouldn’t have it.

“Stop moving. I’ll make this worse for you,” he grabbed your chin harder and you stopped trying to move.

He dipped his fingers into one of the cups and began to fondle your chest. Once Peter found your nipple, he circled it with the tip of his thumb. Peter was moaning as soon as it hardened. He never took his eyes off of you.

“Take off the bra,” Peter gave you a look that dared you to defy him. You quickly got rid of the bra and he took it and threw it in the back seat.

Peter was in awe, you were as beautiful as he imagined. Your bare chest and the tears in your eyes made him hard as a rock. He took his hand off your chin and began to palm himself through his suit.

Peter made his suit retract back into his regular clothing. He took your hands and placed them over the palm of his jeans. He pressed your hands down as you bit back a terrified whimper.

“Why don’t you help me out, yeah?” It wasn’t a suggestion judging by the look in his eyes.

You pulled down his zipper and didn’t go any further than that. Peter chuckled at you and brought your hand into the inside of his boxers. You couldn’t form any type of sounds as he made you hand travel through his patch of hair and up his cock. Peter was impressive, but there was no room for a pleasantly shocked emotion.

“Now take him out and finish what you started,” Peter pulled down his boxers and fully exposed himself to you.

You started off slow with a shaky rhythm. Who could ever be confident and cool in a situation like yours? Peter didn’t seem to like what you were doing and put his hand on top of yours. He guided you up and down his cock and took it off once he gave you a pace.

“Don’t be shy, go faster,” you picked up the pace as you saw Peter swipe some precum off his tip and shoved his finger into your mouth.

He didn’t even have to say anything to get you to start licking his fingers. You closed your eyes and Peter didn’t seem to stop you. The faster this was over with the faster you could finally be home.

After a fast few pumps, he was ready to come undone. He slowed you down and then demanded you picked up the pace. You were told to open your eyes and look at him, but you would close them again after a short few seconds. When he finally did cum, he brought your body close to his cock and let it all spill out on your chest. You felt disgusted, humiliated, and baffled that Spider-Man would take advantage of someone like you.

You opened your eyes once you heard the beep of a phone. Peter had his phone out and was taking a video of the whole thing. He took an additional few pictures and stashed his phone away in case you tried to grab it.

“You might want to clean yourself up, won’t take long to get back home,” Peter tucked himself away and started the car.

When you arrived at the compound you darted out of the car before he could say or do anything further to you. If he wanted to talk he would have to call you now.

You shed yourself of your clothes and began to scrub your body down. No matter how hot the water and how hard you scrubbed, the feeling of Peter on you will forever remain. You took a few showers once you thought the scent and act of Peter had washed off of you. When you left your bathroom it was well past 2 a.m.

Making sure the doors were locked for the hundredth time that night, you finally settled down into bed. You tossed and turned for the next hour until you heard your phone buzz. Not thinking anything of it, you picked it up to see who could be texting you so late at night. Your heart dropped once you saw the messages.

One after another Peter was sending you the videos and pictures that he had taken. Each one made your stomach turn more and more. He was mocking you.

Don’t ever disobey me again or I’ll send these out to everyone.

It took a lot to impress Nick Fury after everything he’s seen and been through. Alien invasions, aliens, cat aliens, raccoon aliens… a lot of aliens. However, nothing could’ve impressed him more than reading your progress report from Peter this morning. It took all of Fury not to frame the report and send emails to all of the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents the news of this miracle.

It’s true, over the past weeks you’ve been ever so obedient to Peter. You didn’t move unless he told you to move, didn’t speak until given permission to, he had you right where he wanted you and you couldn’t do anything about it. Even if you thought of telling someone of his mannerisms towards you he would hold out his phone and get the file containing all those pictures ready in a “Send All” email.

Fortunately, Peter never touched you like that night again. True to his word, you would only be treated that way if you ever went against him again. Needless to say, you were walking on something sharper than egg shells. He would tease you spook you relentlessly, even going as far as locking the car door just to see you jump.

Even late at night he would spam your phone with obscene text messages just to taunt you. Sometimes he would send you photos of himself and when he asked for some in return, you had no choice but to give in. Day by day, this man was messing with you and you had no way of outing him.

Peter would be hot on your trail if he saw you making your way to Fury’s office. He would stop you before you could even get to his office corridor. Peter couldn’t have this getting out, his credibility would be ruined and Mr. Stark and the rest of the Avengers would see to it.

He wasn’t happy about what he did, but he didn’t feel a lot of guilt either. What he did that night in the car set something diabolical off in him. It felt good to take what he wanted right there and then. Peter couldn't help but be a little prideful about what he did. He even hinted to Sam a few times that something might’ve happened between you and him.

While he was gloating you were scheming your way into telling Fury what happened. You can’t go anywhere near the man without Peter right beside you, and you can’t call Fury because he never seems to answer his phone. In fact, Fury has been out of the office more and more lately, perhaps keeping up with the other Avengers or being involved with more aliens.

Regardless of what it was, the next time you saw Fury in person you would say something.

You finished off your makeup and were now putting on the expensive dress your fellow agents coaxed you into buying for the party tonight. The material was tight and it was a little hard to breathe, but you’d get through it. Your body was buzzing in anticipation and nerves as you checked your hair one more time before heading off to the gala.

Every year, the Stark x S.H.I.E.L.D. Gala was held to promote and spread awareness for local and international charities across the globe. You never had an interest in going before, but this year you were bugged by the other agents to go and Peter had expressed his interest in your presence at the party. If you didn’t show you were afraid of what he might pull in your absence.

The hotel was extravagant, from the way it was decorated to the mass amounts of people in their expensive suits and elegant gowns. You scanned the room for Peter, but saw no sign of him. He was either taking photos with the Avengers or watching you from afar, and you wouldn’t put it past him to do that.

While you didn’t see him you got to work finding Fury. You went through the humongous crowd of people just to see if you could catch a glimpse of him, you even started to ask around, but no one seemed to know where he could be. It felt like forever and you were beginning to lose hope that you would never find him. If anything was going to happen it had to be tonight.

A tap on your shoulder stopped you in your hectic search. You knew who it was just by the clear of his throat. You faced Peter with a nervous smile on your face as opposed to the devilish one on his.

“I‘ve been looking for you all night,” Peter drank in your appearance, “you look beautiful.”

You squirmed under his gaze while he lingered a little too long for your liking. When he was finally done ogling you, you saw the lust in his eyes grow. You gulped as he extended his hand.

“Dance with me?” The band started to play a slow song.

You looked at his hand and then up to his eyes which dared you to say now. Reluctantly, you grabbed his hand as he led you to the dance floor. Immediately, a few wandering eyes were on yours and Peter’s figure as he led the first dance.

“You know I’ve been thinking. Since you’ve been so perfect lately, I was going to recommend you to Stark for a spot on the Avengers,” your skin formed bumps as he spun you around.

“Could you imagine that? My obedient little angel fighting alongside me. Ugh, could there be anything more perfect?”

You were about to speak, but the music had stopped and all attention was directed to the stage. Up walks Fury and Tony Stark, Fury was first to take the podium and began his long speech about the gala and what supporting these charities means to him and everyone here tonight. You kept your eyes on him the entire time and ignored the words Peter was trying to whisper in your ear. You only started listening to him when he squeezed your waist hard causing you to yelp.

“I said, why don’t we go back to my room when this is all over, huh?” You froze when he ran his hand up and down your spine.

“Peter, don’t you think that’s a little inappropriate?” He hummed in disagreement with you and he wrapped his arms around your waist.

“Nonsense, I don’t even know why I asked, it’s not like you have a choice in the matter anyways,” the fucker laughed.

Your body was shaking and your face was turning red in anger. Peter was going to hold you down forever. There was no way you could ever escape someone as evil as him. Peter had a hold on you for as long as he wanted. You only had one chance to escape it seems and Fury had to be your ticket out.

Before you could form a response Fury handed over the mic to Tony. Fury stepped off the stage and you kept your eyes on him for the entire time. He was making his way out of the gala and you needed to be fast in order to catch him. Peter seemed too distracted by what Tony was saying so you loosened yourself out of his grip and stood beside him. Peter only glared at you for doing that, but you didn’t care, tonight would be the night you take down Peter Parker.

Slowly, you slinked away into the crowd as a round of applause sounded off for whatever Tony was saying. Peter didn’t seem to notice you leave and that’s when you took off. People were giving you disgusted looks as you began to run out of the ballroom and chase Fury.

You almost lost him in the elevators, but you took the steps and ran once you saw what floor he was heading to. You shucked off your heels and ran up the many steps to catch him. When you got to his floor, you pushed the stairwell door open and ran after him.

“Director F-,” you face planted.

Your ankles were tangled by some sort of slim rope and they wouldn’t come undone. Fury’s footsteps faded and new ones approached your struggling body. A pair of expensive shoes stopped right by your head as the body leaned down. You came eye to eye with an angry Peter Parker.

“Rebel, rebel,” he shook his head and hauled you up. You were beating on his back the entire time as tears formed in your eyes. The rope-like material was his webs which kept you trapped.

He went back in the stairwell and carried you up a few more flights until he came to his floor. The hallways were empty as everyone was still at the party. You tried to yell, but it only got you a harsh slap on your ass.

Peter stopped in front of his door and opened it. The second he closed it he threw you on the middle of the bed. He made his way to his suitcase and took out a pocket knife. You were screaming uncontrollably and he began to cut the webs loose. You knew better than to fight with a man with a knife, let alone Spider-Man with a knife.

“Rebel rebel, you’ve torn your dress,” Peter noticed the small tear towards the end of your gown and tore up the rest. “Rebel rebel, your face is a mess,” he looked at your makeup stained face. He put his thumb near your lips and began to smudge lipstick around your face.

“Rebel, rebel, what are we going to do about you?” Peter took off the rest of your dress. The only thing you were in was a lace thong. Peter licked his lips and began to trace the knife down your breast.

You were shaking, afraid that he might dig the knife deeper into your skin. Afraid that he was so mad at you he would go as far as to kill you. You started to whimper as Peter looked up. The smirk on his face grew wider and wider.

“Beg for me not to hurt you. Beg like the good little angel you are,” you were so close to not giving in, but Peter dug the tip of the blade into your skin just enough to pinch it.

“Please Peter, please, please don’t hurt me Peter,” he hummed in a way to tell you that he wasn’t convinced by the performance.

“Please Peter, I’ll do anything to please you. I’ll do anything to make you happy. Please Peter, I’m so sorry for being bad,” you were hysterical as he moved the knife further down your body. When he reached your center he chuckled and threw the knife to the other side of the room. He roughly grabbed you by your scalp and made you come face to face with him.

“Anything?” You shook your head in agreement. “Alright, I wanna fuck that naughty mouth.”

Peter pulled off his suit pants and became complete bare from the waist down. He pumped his cock a few times before grabbing your jaw and forcing your mouth open. He didn’t give you any time to get used to his size as he put all of himself in your mouth. He grabbed you scalp rougher this time and pushed your head up and down. Tears formed in your eyes again as you were forced to take him down your throat. He was a moaning and groaning mess until his thrust started to falter. Peter quickly pulled out watching in awe and the trail of saliva connected from your mouth to his cock.

Peter quickly sat you up and ripped off your underwear in the process. He started to rub his fingers along your folds where he found that you were wet. He smirked and chuckled as he continued rubbing up and down to make you become slicker than before. You tried biting back your moans, but Peter would only press down harder on your clit which caused you to cry out.

“See, I’m not so bad, princess. I could be good to you if you’re good to me,” he removed his fingers and pushed you down on the mattress.

“Peter, please,” you didn’t know if you wanted him to stop or urge you on.

“I know honey, I know. Just lay down and let me make you feel good,” Peter rid himself of the rest of his clothes and slotted himself between your legs.

His tip began to enter you and the rest of his length painfully stretched you out. You squirmed a little, but Peter reassured you it would feel better soon. Sure, he wasn’t your first, but it had been a long time since the last guy and you were a bit tight.

“Oh, angel, you really do feel like heaven,” he started to thrust a little faster.

Pretty soon, Peter was getting really rough with his thrust and making you cry out in a mix of pain and pleasure. Peter got carried away and didn’t realize how fast he was going on you. You felt an orgasm building and were trying to communicate that to Peter but couldn’t form the words. Peter felt you tighten around him just a little too hard and he took that as the signal to pull out. After all, he did want to see his crush cum, for him and only him.

You felt the rush of your orgasm after Peter pulled out. When you looked up at him, his chest was covered in the slick sheen of sweat mixed with your arousal.

“Holy shit, you squirted. That’s got to be the hottest fucking thing I’ve ever seen,” Peter went back inside you and hoisted himself on his knees and making you face to face with him. “I wanna see that again, and again, and a hundred more times.

He didn’t slow down no matter how many times you tried to beg and plead. Peter ripped out orgasm after orgasm from you and it only coaxed him to go harder and faster. Your bodies were covered in each other’s sweat and you were beginning to get a little tired. However, your eyes quickly shook away their tiredness when you felt fingers prodding your other hole.

“I’ve always wanted to do this,” and as Peter continued his thrusting, he pushed one finger into your tight muscle and pounded into you harder.

“Aww fuck this feels so good,” Peter cried out one last time and finally came inside you.

You both collapsed onto the bed still connected to each other. Tears formed in your eyes once the shock wore off. He had finally gotten what he wanted from you.

Only a week went by when you had finally heard from Fury again. This time, he wanted to speak with you privately in his office. Your time with the Avengers program was up and he wanted to give his final thoughts.

“Well Agent, I am shocked to be saying this, but I am thoroughly impressed by your behavior with Peter. A little rough in the beginning, but I’m glad to see you both worked through your differences,” you wanted to scoff, but you wouldn't put a damper on Fury’s mood.

After that night in the hotel, the sex became a regular thing. Peter would demand and you were forced to give in. His punishments were still ongoing as he was still mad at you for trying to snitch on him to Fury, but now that the program has ended you and Peter Parker wouldn’t be seeing each other at all.

“And because of your improving behavior I’ve decided to push through your request,” you furrowed your brows in confusion.

“Request?”

“You know, your request to join the Avengers team officially. Parker has been raving about your skills and training that we decided to recommend you for a spot on the team. You’ll have to meet with Mr. Stark for a few interviews and sessions, but seeing as Peter has talked so fondly of you there is no doubt in my mind you wouldn't be offered the spot.”

You stayed frozen in your seat as Fury went on and on about you. You only left when he dismissed you, reminding you that Tony Stark would be contacting you soon.

When you shut the door behind you, you began to freak out. Peter was planning on keeping you as his. At this point, there would be no way out unless you either die, face embarrassment and let the video get leaked, or wait around until Peter gets bored. Knowing Peter and his fatal attraction to you none of those could happen.

On your way back to your room, you heard the familiar footsteps you’ve grown too disgusted to know. You turned around to face the man who would be running you entire life for who knows how long. Just as you were about to speak he opened his mouth first.

“Rebel, rebel, there you are.”

#Dark Avengers #dark peter parker #dark spider man #dark marvel #dark!Avengers #Dark Fic #marvel smut #peter parker x reader #peter parker smut #maries500challenge #peter parker image #peter parker oneshot

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inkdemonapologist · 4 years

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We briefly split up while trying to get murder mystery clues in our latest batim cthulhu session; Team Polite Boys is ready to go!!

More out-of-context quotes from last session under the cut!

[Sammy is played by me, Joey is played by Boo (inkyvendingmachine), Henry is played by Maf (inkcryptid), Jack is played by Mochi (whatyouwantedmetosee) and Thren (haunted-hijinxer) is our GM!]

[Joey] Yeah, that makes sense, he probably would've pocketed it, [Sammy] aRE YOU STEALING?! [Henry] Joey!!! [Joey] I mean...................................yeah,

[Joey] He just wants to find the slick stone, and fix things, and go back to being an animation studio! That'd be nice! [GM] The eternal dream... [Jack] Animation studio, and then it has a little asterisk, and in the fine print it mentions that they also deal in the occult. [Joey] Just a little bit. [Jack] Little an occult, [Sammy] As a treat! [Joey] The occult does not own more than 5% of Joey Drew Studios stock. [GM] ...Is that Prophet Sammy's share, [Joey] He DOES seem to be the one investing in it the most!!

[Joey] There's definitely room for Jack to speak up as the one who knows Peter, but Joey is just going to go up to the front desk -- [Sammy] (Joey has now met him, so it's less weird,) [Joey] -- and ask if Petey is around! [Sammy] (...oh my goodness, Joey,)

[GM, as Peter] "And I could find someone to be a guide for you tomorrow, be less likely to fall in a sinkhole." [Joey] *thoughtfully* I do like not falling in sinkholes,

[Jack] *rolls* Aww.... [GM] Uh-oh, [Jack] No, it's-- it's not a failed roll. I thought it was very briefly and, gOT MY HOPES UP I GUESS???

[Joey] But that's going to be a very.... difficult............ [Sammy] I dunno, maybe Henry can talk to Fowler. Henry's like......... a,, caring person! Henry knows how families work.... Has, empathy,,, [Joey] Just send Henry and Jack to go talk with Fowler, and Joey and Sammy go.... sit on their hands. Don't do anything. DON'T MAKE THINGS WORSE

[GM] Mostly he's known for having more money than sense-- [Joey] (More dollars than cents? :D ) [Sammy] Well, you should get along great.

[Jack] Team Sad Boys to the sad boy, and... Team No Sense,

[Joey] Hey, can we borrow a brain cell? [Sammy] No, we only have one! That's why we never split up!!

[Henry] Jack is wondering how these guys got through Haiti. [Sammy] Well. It took us ten tries.

[after reading Alice in Wonderland] [Jack] *laughing* Do I need to roll a sanity check? [GM] One thing at a time; let me do a little typing-- [Jack] Oh bOY! ....I was just making a funny joke...! [GM] *sends secret message* Okay! [Jack] OH BOY,,, Jack just wanted a nice way to fill the time... [GM] Uh, do make a sanity check.

[Joey] Maybe it's because Joey has Bendy in him, that he can't see something in that book. [Sammy] (Hmm....... Bendy-Vision.........) [Sammy] (!!!! SILLYVISION)

[Sammy] Gonna tell Joey to, don't look up at the door, [Joey] Joey will almost start to look, and then catch himself the moment he realises why Sammy might be telling him this. [GM] This is why the Lurker covered his eyes that other time!!! [Joey] LiSTEN,

[Joey] ...I just noticed Joey fits the Gays Don't Drive thing...

[Sammy] Sammy looks very suspicious, but that's just his face.

[Joey] I like how Sammy apparently has ink-sense now, like spidey-sense [Sammy] YeaH ITS GREAT!!!! Sammy's very stressed!!!!!

[Joey] Once they've left the mansion and gotten far enough away, Joey's going to drop his over-friendly demeanour for a moment and mutter that he hates people like that guy. [GM] .............................................. is this a Kyle, [Joey] YES.

[Jack] I assume that Joey has given us money, at some point? [Joey] [Jack] He's not just expecting us to fund this out of our pocket, hopefully??? [Joey] ............................ has anyone brought this up to Joey,

[Henry] What insanity did Jack pick up, by the way? [Jack] Hmm.... [Jack] [Jack] Oh, y'know,

[Henry] Roll Charm to start a conversation in a normal, non-awkward way!!

[Jack] A nice change of topic to-- maybe not lighten the mood, but, [Sammy] dredge the mood up from the bottom of the lake,

[Joey] He keeps his hand on Sammy, trying to be reassuring that he's there to help Sammy with this, but also making sure it still looks NOT IN A GAY WAY, as much as Joey Drew can do.

[GM] Okay, one sec. [Joey] .....the longer we sit here waiting, the more I recalibrate that scene I just described to be gayer and gayer. [Sammy] Oh no. You have to hurry, or else it'll be retconned until they're making out on the porch when Joey knocks!

[Joey] I did hear that this guy is quite handsome, but I think right now Joey's too concerned about Sammy to play into Charm. [GM] Charm the... recent widower??? That seems.... [Joey] Yeah, y'know, as you do-- it could work! Just because his family is dead doesn't mean he's dead! [Sammy] Joey. [Jack] This IS Joey "Flirts With A Married Man" Drew, [GM] TRUE. That's true.

[GM] Fowler knows this spiritual consultant is legitimate because he's put him in contact with his family, that had recently passed away, on more than one occasion. [Henry] (Passed away on more than one occasion? Man, that's rough.) [Sammy] (I mean, we've done that!) [Henry] We have! It's rough!!

[GM, as Fowler] "A lot of newbies think magic feels weird when they're not used to it, y'know." [Sammy] Sammy's response is going to be to make uncomfortable eye contact, for a very long time.

[Sammy] Let me poll the audience: Should I be stopping Trenchcoat. [Jack] Out of character, I want to say, hesitantly no? [Henry] Yeah, same. [Sammy] I'm way more suspicious of Fowler than Trenchcoat, weirdly. [Henry] I want to let Trenchcoat go, and then track him down and grill him later. [Jack] I feel like Trenchcoat is suspicious in the same way that we're suspicious. [Sammy] YES.

[GM] I do appreciate that you guys were like "this guy's a shoplifter" and then promptly shoplifted.

[Joey] Why are you everywhere that we are? [GM, as Trenchcoat Guy] "I could ask you the same thing," he remarks, seeming vaguely amused. [Joey] Well I asked it first!!!

[Trenchcoat Guy describes the teleportation portal into Fowler's basement] [Joey] Okay, that is... that is definitely suspicious, [Sammy] "sUSPICIOUS?!?"

[Sammy] Sammy is squinting at Joey as he leaves.... [Sammy] ...OH, [Sammy] Oh he needs a drink I bet; I'm not going to look at him actually, never mind. [Jack] ...I know you said "Not going to look at him” -- I briefly misheard as "Not going to lick him" [Sammy] I'm alSO NOT GOING TO DO THAT,

[GM] He says that until today, you guys were the most suspicious thing he'd come across. [Sammy] I mean... he's not wrong.

[Joey] (Does someone want to grab his contact information) [Sammy] Oh, Jack, do you want to do that? [Jack] Jack is... going to... not do that, [Sammy] ...oh. [Sammy] ...............is Jack okay?!

[Joey] And then Joey... grabs Henry? [GM] Henry is just getting hugged. [Joey] Ah. [Henry] Oh, hugs back! [Henry] He's hugging both of them, I'm guessing.

[GM] The Lurker sits down on the ground. [Joey] (Does he sit down normally for a person,) [GM] He just kind of falls backwards. And then goes "Ow!" [Henry] *laughs* Yeah, you can't do that when you're more than 3 feet tall.

[Jack] Concerned Jack faces.... I was going to say noises, but,

[Jack] Did we ever get Trenchcoat's name? [Sammy] No. [Joey] No. [Henry] He's the new Binoculars. [Sammy] I'm delighted every time Sammy gets to call someone Not Their Name.

[GM] It's just a normal, scrawled address, for a Mr. Polk. [Sammy] .........is it really, [GM] Yes. [Sammy] OH GOOD??? I didn't say it, but for the first paragraph of that audiolog I was like "nORMAN???" [Joey] .... AW, NOW I HAVE TO HIRE HIM!!! THREN!!!!! [Sammy] Oh he was working with microfilm too! So he could probably-- [Henry] It sounded like he was gonna be out of a job soon, [Joey] DAMMIT!!

#call of cthulu: haunted hijinx #Jack Fain #Henry Stein #when in doubt just keep drawing #this session was a heckin delight #everyone is Doing Their Best

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servin-up-surveys · 2 years

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survey #045

“it is being buried in wet sand, with a music box in its hand”

Your best friend gets arrested for shoplifting. Are you shocked? I'd be stunned. Would you wear uncomfortable clothes just because they were stylish? Why or why not? No. I just don't give a rat's ass about what's in fashion and what's not. I care about what's comfortable and visually appeals to me as an individual. Have you ever made fun of someone’s name? No, that's very rude. How much money do you usually get from digging in the sofa cushions? I have literally never done this. You won't get anything outta my couch, anyway. Do you truly believe that miracles exist? No. There is always a scientific explanation for how/why things happen. Would you investigate the paranormal if you had the opportunity? 150% fuck yes. I actually think I'd be quite the good investigator for a few reasons, or possibly too sensitive to it as an extreme empath, which is the type of person spirits supposedly favor communication with/through. Do crop circles fascinate you? I guess? I can't say I believe in them being anything abnormal, though, but then again I haven't looked into this topic at all. Are you familiar with the "Emo Kid Song?" I only know it includes a lyric joking about cutting oneself so I automatically don't like it. Have you joined a site just because your friend joined? Possibly? Idk. Have you tried to stay in contact with someone, but they ignored you? HAHA this was 120% Jason towards me after the breakup. I was so desperate to remain friends, and at first he tried too, but it just wasn't working. He wanted nothing to do with me. Have you ever seen a coyote in real life? Uhhh I think so? Do you have anything locked up in a vault? No. What was the best job you've ever had? I've never had a job I liked. Magenta, aqua, or coral? Coral. Would you rather be a wedding photographer or a nature photographer? NATURE. Once upon a time I wanted to be a wedding photographer because the income is fantastic, but it's just not something that's fun to me. Like, I've shot a couple weddings, and neither were fun. They were exhausting and stressful. Nature, on the other hand, is calming and exciting to take pictures of. Have you ever had an ulcer? No. Did you pull an all-nighter last night? No, but I was up very late because I couldn't fall asleep for the absolute life of me. Do you read for pleasure? Yeah. I haven't really read since I've had a laptop again, though... Are you humble? I think so. Do you like to research things? I do, yes. What is your favorite type of donut? Probably glazed. Or chocolate frosted, or cake/plain... Idk, I like donuts lmao. Peacocks or lions? Lions. I love their loyalty to one another. Which name do you like better: Jessica or Jennifer? Jessica. Have you ever looked down on someone because you thought your religious views were superior? No; I may not like religion at all, but that's not a good reason to act like I'm hot shit just because others find comfort in it. Would you rather know everything the universe has to offer, but in exchange, lose all emotions or remain the way you are now? Well that's fucking easy, hell no. Feeling is important to me. If you could live and be healthy without sleeping, eating, or drinking, which would you cut out of your life? Um... sleeping, I guess? This answer would really change with the day. Would you rather burn or freeze to death? FREEZE. Burning alive sounds so fucking excruciating. Freezing would be a lot slower, sure, but I'd still prefer it over roasting. If it meant it would solve all world hunger, war, disease, and bigotry, would you spend the rest of eternity in Hell? If Hell was actually real, I'm pretty sure I would. That's something worth sacrificing myself for. Could you live without having sex ever (again) in exchange for eternal youth? You're asking someone who absolutely doesn't want to live forever. Have you ever watched a full length pornographic movie? No, porn is absolutely not my thing. I don't wanna watch five seconds of it. The Beatles or The Rolling Stones? Stones. What was the worst nightmare you ever had? My dad doing something to me that we're not getting into. Do you think that Christians (and other religions) can believe in evolution? I don't give a shit. After a shower, do you get dressed in the bathroom or your room? I get dressed in Mom's room now that I use her bathroom to shower. Do you like stargazing? omg yes Do you wear socks to sleep? omg no but Girt does and I think he's an extraterrestrial for it like wtf that sounds SO uncomfortable. Have you ever been in prison? Hell no, let's keep it that way. Whose was the last bed you slept in, other than your own? Uhhh... my sister's, I think? Do you ever want to own a house? It'd be nice one day. How do you feel about men? I'm scared of them. Do you know any police officers? No. Do you have someone who considers you their best friend? Girt calls me his best friend. :') Do you know anyone who plays bass? No. At least, not that I know of. Have you ever been in a polygamous relationship? No. What is your main hobby? Doing stuff on the computer. Do you like art? I genuinely think it's one of the greatest joys in the world, so yes. What’s your favourite game? Silent Hill 2 and Shadow of the Colossus are where it's fuckin AT. Have you ever had a fight with your boyfriend/girlfriend’s mom or dad? No. Are you afraid of frogs? No, I love them! Who are some of your best friends? Besides Girt, Mazzy and Tez. Who’s your favorite athlete? I don't have one. Do you tend to use a ‘baby voice’ when you’re talking to pets? Duh. When was the last time you talked to one of your exes? Months ago. The last time you kissed someone, were your hands around their neck? Pretty sure no. Why did you even kiss the last person you kissed? He was about to head home. How old is the last person you kissed? He's 28 for a couple more months. Have you ever been called a tease? Yes. When is the last time you got sick from drinking too much? Never. What’s the last song you listened to? Hi I am absolutely fucking obsessed with "Spieluhr" by Rammstein sobs Are you one of those people who gets jealous of boys/girls your current bf/gf dated? No; I've never understood this. Like, why would I? They broke up over something, didn't they? Do you prefer McDonald’s or Burger King’s breakfast? I've never tried breakfast from BK. We don't really go there, period. Do you scrape the mold off bread or eat around it? LKAJL;AKSDFJLKASDJFLKAWDJEQW HELL NO I fucking hate mold to like a phobic degree. I can't touch it. Have you ever been around someone who was high? Yep. Have you ever been hit by the opposite sex? No, thank fuck. Do you think you are a good boyfriend/girlfriend? I sure try to be. Girt tells me a lot that I am, but I feel like I could be way better if I was a more capable adult. How many states have you lived in? One. If your girlfriend/boyfriend broke up with you tonight, what would you do? Don't fucking go there, I can't think of that. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? Hm. Probably. Have you accidentally sent a text to the wrong person? omg yes Do you ever hang out with someone of the opposite sex? The only person I hang out with is the opposite sex. Do you call anyone baby? Rarely Girt. It's not my favorite term of endearment. Are you afraid of roller coasters? YES. Are you scared of snakes? Nope. Have you ever spoken to a homeless person? Probably at some point, idr. Were you ever with someone while they died? Animals, yes. It's the absolute worst. Have you ever thought about hitchhiking across the country? Definitely not. Would you still love and stay with your significant other if he or she had to have a breast or testicle removed? Duh? Doing otherwise would be incredibly shallow and a total asshole thing to do. Have you ever done something bad but you don’t regret? Yes. Do you like getting hurt? I'm not masochistic, no. [TW: SUICIDE] Have you ever thought of killing yourself? I've tried to before. Who’s the person who first comes to your mind when someone mentions “love”? Girt. Are you too forgiving? I know I am. Are you looking for a boyfriend or a girlfriend? No; I'm very happy with who I'm already dating. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, do you remember the day you fell for them? I sure do. Who was the last person you couldn’t take your eyes off? LOOK MAN I was listening to/watching the video to Emigrate's "You Can't Run Away" again earlier and BY GOD Richard is hard to look away from in it lmao The highlight of your week? Honestly, how excitedly Ryder ran up to hug me at his birthday party. I hadn't come with Mom to babysit like I normally do on Fridays, and he'd really wanted to see me. It means so much to me how much he loves me. Have you ever been called a bitch? Yes.

#lyrics: ''spieluhr'' by rammstein #survey #surveys #random surveys #random questions

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ushidoux · 4 years

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A Life Well Lived - Bokuto x Reader (Pt. 1)

Summary: An immortal meets a human she’s meant to care for temporarily. ‘Care for’ and ‘temporarily’ are not well defined. (1.7k words)

Warnings: these will change by chapter, but for this one, I guess alcohol

A/N: Hey yall, it’s your girl starting yet another mini-chapter fic, please bear with me. This popped into my head and I got excited, let me know what you think or if I should continue.

When you gaze upon your human the first time, you’re genuinely surprised.

He is terribly young, to the point that it shocks you, although you’re not sure you’ve ever really experienced ‘shock.’

You cannot estimate exactly how old he is (from your studies, humans age extremely variably) but from the looks of it, he’s somewhere in his early to mid 20s. He looks healthy and happy too, you note, as you sit perched on a large tree, enhanced vision allowing you to pierce through the very ceiling of the large restaurant in which he’s seated and laughing boisterously while he enjoys a dinner with friends that seem to love him dearly.

You scratch your head before turning to your hovering aide called a Companion, a bouncing bright light not unlike any of the stars that hang above in the night sky. Your Companion is a semi-sentient link to the celestial realm from which you were born and is similar to what humans would call pets, albeit more intelligent and able to quickly provide you information; yours, however, tends to be on the quiet side unless you ask it questions.

Your first question is to confirm that you are indeed looking at the right human. It would be embarrassing if your instructor found out you had been tagging along behind the wrong subject the entire time, leaving your true human defenseless, but you couldn’t say it was the first time it had happened in the history of GA training. Guardian Angel trainees weren’t always selected for promotion strictly based off of their attentiveness, even if it was a crucial requirement for the job.

<< Companion, am I surveilling the right human? >> You ask, tentatively. Your lips don’t form words, but rather think thoughts that the Companion understands. The light seems to glow a brighter gold then retreats to its normal luminance before replying to your question.

<< Bokuto Koutaro is the one you have been bonded to. Your eyes rest on the correct subject. >>

You frown. It’s not a good thing to have a young subject as a trainee. Trainees work on stints of two to three years maximum, which means that this young man, so full of life and cheer, will not be long for this world if you truly are meant to be his keeper. The fact is a bit upsetting, but you remember that this is the nature of the role you were created to fill. Two years, ten years, twenty years of life was not very much time in the grand scheme of things, anyway. Mortals live relatively short lives regardless.

The moon above you is full, and you continue to watch him carefully in the light, still settled weightlessly on the same tree branch and humming quietly to yourself as the night progresses. He’s drunk, you realize once he finally leaves the building, and a young man whose name he mumbles intermittently - Akaashi, is it? - is all but carrying him into a cab and leading him home. You giggle as Koutaro burps loudly into Akaashi’s face while he attempts to push him into the vehicle.

Humans are so funny.

When the car starts to leave, you stretch out your wings and glide through the dim sky, your Companion besides you, to follow your human to his home.

It turns out to be a short trip towards a modestly sized apartment building, and Koutaro stumbles out and makes his way safely to the elevator and all the way up until his front door. He struggles to find his key card in his wallet, which he drops more than once, but eventually he makes his way in. You notice a couple of loose bills he drops on the ground and decide to pick them up for him and drop them on his kitchen counter.

Koutaro does not take off his shoes at the door, but he kicks them off right before he collapses onto his couch instead of his bed, and they go flying in your direction, you phasing in and out of your physical form just in time so that they don’t hit you square in the chest. You think that you probably shouldn’t stay in this form, but you’re bored of floating and sit instead on his kitchen counter.

He falls asleep almost instantly, laid on his belly and snoring loudly, one arm dangling off of the couch.

You’re surprised he can slip out of consciousness that quickly, but he really is quite inebriated. Usually at this time, you can give yourself a little break and allow your Companion to monitor for any sudden changes while you find something else to do to pass the time other than stare at him, but instead you watch him sleep a little longer.

The young man is fascinating. Granted, you haven’t had experience with tons of humans before this, but he’s notable. First of all, he’s larger in frame than the average human, and his hair is an unusual color and shape. His eyes, when open, are gold like your Companion, and his smile is warm.

His snore is really quite loud though, but suddenly it stops and for a moment you are nervous he’s stopped breathing. You go over to check and roll him onto his back, not bothering to shroud yourself in invisibility immediately thereafter because there’s absolutely no way he’ll wake up with how soundly he’s asleep.

Until he does.

Bokuto’s golden eyes shoot open in the dark, and suddenly he’s staring right at you, and those same eyes become wide like saucers.

He gasps and you gasp, and immediately out of panic, you disappear.

You jump up in the air, letting your wings flap once to create distance between you, even though his frantically searching eyes can no longer see you now that you’ve shrouded yourself from view, and you watch him sober up immediately as he tries to come to terms with what he just saw.

He flips on all the lights, looking frantically for the spirit appearing like a young woman who just hovered mere inches from his face, and his heart is pounding - you can hear it from here - while you continue to float, unsure if you should leave him alone for now and escape back to your realm.

You’ve royally fucked up. Maybe he’ll forget because he’s drunk, you hope, biting your lip.

Instead, he calls a friend.

“There’s a ghost in my room!” He yells. Your ears are tuned to the other end of the phone where you can hear a groggy, exasperated voice remind him that it’s 3am and hang up the phone promptly. It’s the same friend from earlier; it seems like his fright today is not out of the realm of his usual antics.

Bokuto looks absolutely panicked now and sits back on the couch, legs pulled into his chest. You wonder if he’ll actually die from fright, so pale he now seems as he looks around, unable to sleep.

Maybe you take a little bit of pity on him, because you turn off your Companion who helps you but also monitors your every move, and decide disaffectedly to break the rules again. It’s only meant to be for a moment, just to assuage his fears, and you drop yourself back to the ground and reveal yourself.

“Don’t be afraid,” you say in a small, gentle voice, as you stand before him. “... I’m not a ghost.”

You’re not exactly sure what more to say after that. The young man’s eyes are wide, incredibly wide again, and his mouth takes the form of an O as he takes you in.

Your wings are not very large but they’re not small either and they’re untucked, and you realize he’s staring at those rather than your face.

“... Angel?!” He exclaims.

You nod, perhaps too solemnly, and he looks like he’s about to faint.

“I’m dying, aren’t I? I’m fucking dying! I drank too much and I’m fucking dead! I’m dead, I’m dead, I’m dead!” He is now wailing, no longer looking at you, but burying his face in the couch cushions dramatically.

You approach slowly, not sure what to do with a crying human, and he gets up suddenly and looks at you pitifully.

“Heaven or hell?”

“What?” You repeat, and he doesn’t seem phased by the fact that you, a stranger with wings and a halo are speaking to him, but rather that his life is coming to an end.

“Am I going to hell? I think I shoplifted once when I was a kid… Some grapes! I stole some grapes and I’m going to hell for that, aren’t I?!”

His lower lip is quivering and he’s waiting for an answer, but before you can speak, he is wailing again.

“Give me another chance!!! I didn’t know better and I was hungry!”

You’re stunned, and then a little flustered. For goodness’ sake...

“Y-you’re not dying!” You finally exclaim.

He’s back in sorts for just a moment, and blinks, looking at you with surprise.

“I’m not?”

Not yet, anyway, you think. You clear your throat.

“I-I’m your guardian angel.”

As soon as that comes out of your mouth, you wince, because you already know that you’re breaking too many rules at once, even if your Companion is turned off and can’t report you. You’re not exactly sure why you’re telling him the truth like this in the first place, but the sight of the crying human gets to you, especially since you feel bad for what is yet to come for him.

Before you know it, he’s reached out for you surprisingly fast, and to your shock, he now holds your face in his hands. His hands are large, gentle and warmer than anything you’ve ever felt in your life. You can hear his heartbeat through his palms. It pounds.

You don’t have a heart, but if you did, you think it would have stopped. There’s a split second of wonder that you detect from his golden eyes as he drinks your face in, confirming that you are indeed real and he is not dreaming. Even in the dark, you can see redness form on his cheeks anew, still from the alcohol that he consumed too freely hours earlier. Probably.

It occurs to you that something again is very wrong, this feeling of doom that seems to arise from inside you, even though you are immortal and this is a human destined to die.

He’s too bold. There’s too much intensity in his eyes.

You fade into nothingness and disappear for the night.

#bokuto x reader #bokuto koutaro x reader #bokuto koutaro #bokuto #fic: a life well lived #haikyuu #fantasy! au #mae.writing

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ichika27 · 3 years

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Mairimashita! Iruma-kun s2 ep21

Last episode for this season!

It’s strange we’re only getting 21. It feels like an awkward number to end on since many other anime that goes on for 20+ episodes have at least 24-26. Oh well, s3 has been announced so it’s all good I guess.

It's still the Apocalypse (the last day of it) and Iruma is trying to finish all of his homework which seem to be going well. He had a lot to do due to homework being doubled.

Why was homework doubled? It's the consequence of a past action...

It was due to the bet from back at the Walter Park arc! They remembered about it (I kinda forgot about it, honestly, since so many things happened since then).

Grandpa Sullivan is the one to choose the winners and decided it was all of them making them all both the winners and losers of the bet. With this, both the prize and punishments applied - they were treated to an expensive meal but they also have to deal with a ton of homework. Kalego-sensei is pissed he had to pay for everyone’s food but was very happy to tell them that they will be suffering for the rest of the apocalypse.

Iruma worked hard and got through all the homework though.

This Apocalypse Iruma had: gone on vacation with his friends, went on a sleepover at a friend's house, and went on a date... so naturally, this time around he's spending time with family!

He and Grandpa are gonna go buy school supplies. I kinda missed when me and my family did that back in the day. I always found shopping for school supplies fun.

Due to the season's earlier events, Iruma has gotten pretty popular it seems so Grandpa gives him anti-recognition glasses for a disguise. Ain’t the boy cute? I dunno why but with anime characters, glasses actually either add or subtract from how good or bad their appearance is.

Haha this reminds me, there’s this anime called “Castle Town Dandelion” and the MC is a girl who hates standing out and in one episode, her sister gave her glasses that could allegedly do the same thing Iruma’s glasses here could. It doesn’t work like that and everyone just acted as if it does to make her feel better. Akane needed this version lol.

They're headed to Magical Street to go shopping! A new area has been introduced to both us and Iruma.

This is apparently where shops, parks and also teacher's dorms are located. I’m wondering why the teacher’s dorms are here when back in the episodes where Iruma joined the student council, it seems he and the student council members were staying over at school. Why isn’t the dorm for faculty members at school, too then? Weird.

Iruma's Grandpa is pretty popular, too. People crowded around him as soon as they saw him but doesn't recognize Iruma due to the glasses. Makes me wonder why Grandpa didn't wear ones himself lol.

Grandpa Sullivan isn’t just popular as he’s well-liked, too.

First, clothes shopping! Iruma tried on a coat as they need some for the upcoming winter. Grandpa decides these were good and takes an entire rack. Damn they're rich lol. He tells Iruma to just wear a different one everyday.

They're buying accessories next and Opera suggest that Iruma buy a collar for his familiar which is Kalego-sensei lol. Iruma knew it would not end well if he actually did that and declines. Opera is disappointed by this... they really want to mess with Kalego, huh?

I think it’s funny but I also pity Kalego-sensei. Having to deal with his senpai’s antics long after graduating. The nightmare of many former students.

Next they're buying books! God this makes me miss going to book fairs.

Grandpa tells the staff at the desk what books he wanted and each one he lists off automatically flies down next to him (pretty cool). Grandpa explains that Iruma would need a lot of books to learn more spells. They talked about the spell Fractal (which Iruma used to princess carry Ameri last episode) and Grandpa tells him that with enough practice, Iruma could also use it to be able to fly. Grandpa takes this chance to show-off to Iruma by using it to take down a shoplifter. Everyone in the store is amazed but Iruma's praise is the one Grandpa cares about the most.

They continue shopping for stuff. This was funny cause the way Grandpa said the lollipop's name reminded me of how Doraemon introduces the items from his pocket. Also, does this mean that lollipop has no expiration date?

The day ends with the two having a talk (Opera went and got the carriage). Iruma says he had a lot of fun at school which made his Grandpa happy knowing Iruma has gotten used to living here. Grandpa tells him that the new semester would be even more eventful than this one and showed him a poster of what I assume would be the festivals the other fans have been mentioning.

In the middle of their talk, Iruma suddenly asks Grandpa about how to become a Demon King (likely cause he overheard some people wondering aloud why Sullivan, a powerful demon, didn't want to take the job despite being qualified for it).

Grandpa is surprised and speechless for a moment but then becomes happy and says if Iruma is asking cause he wanted to be Demon King then Grandpa will support him. Iruma explains he’s just curious.

Flashback! It seems Grandpa used to work for the former Demon King, Delkiller.

Too bad his face is covered. I’m curious to know what he looked like when he was younger.

Oooh... we finally see him - the infamous Delkiller that's been talked about for a long time. His face isn't completely properly shown for now, I guess but he’s shown to be pretty huge. He seems lazy but he also takes pride in the Demon World he's created. The flashback ends here though.

His hair color reminds me somewhat of Evil Cycle! Iruma’s hair color...

We get a bit of lore info from Grandpa about Demon Kings.

Grandpa explains about the 13 Crowns - representatives of the Demon World who help govern it - and that to become a Demon King, one must possess the trust of every single one since they'd be the one to rule the Demon World.

He also explains the role and power of the Demon King - their word is law and they are the Demon World itself. Demons will do as they commanded. The Demon World is a reflection of whoever ruled it and right now, the Demon World is a fun place because Delkiller-sama was a fun person.

Grandpa explains that with all these in mind, he doesn't know if he'd even get the role someday if he wanted it or if he ever did, if he'd be worthy of it. It’s such a big thing after all.

If he did become the Demon King though, he says he'd do this: make the Demon World "Iruma"-themed lol. Seriously though, he says he'd support Iruma if he'd become the Demon King and would like to see what kind of world Iruma would create.

These statements are very ironic considering who would end up being future Demon King haha.

While Iruma said he didn’t want to become Demon King, he did end up thinking about it. What if he did become the Demon King?

Hmm... for someone who isn’t interested, he looked like he was thinking deeply about it.

They get back home and later that night, Iruma checked the stuff Granpa bought him.

Iruma finally gets a hold of the Demon King Prophecy! We've heard about the prophecy before but Iruma probably hasn't yet until now. After listing the stuff about the future king, there’s a shot of Iruma’s hand with his ring haha. Upon reading this, Iruma thought more about it: What kind of world would it become if he were to become the Demon King?

You’re not the only one wondering Iruma. I’m sure the rest of the fandom is wondering that, too.

The new semester begins! The entire Abnormal class is told that they now have to attain Dalet (4) rank before their second year begins as it's the minimum they'd need to graduate - failure results in them losing the Royal One classroom!

Not gonna lie, the shopping part of the episode reminded me of the scenes at the beginning of the firsts Harry Potter movies with them shopping at Diagon Alley. It’s fun and I got to see more of the Demon World. I wonder if they’d show us other places in the Demon World in the next season.

Grandpa happily doting on Iruma made me think that maybe it’d have been better for him if he had gotten to adopt Iruma as a child. Iruma is already a teenager and so their time they could spend together wouldn’t be as long or as often since Iruma had friends and busy with school. On the other hand, Iruma gained a lot of experiences in his crappy life before getting here and it did help him become the person he is. I guess the problem here is that he’s human and he probably ages faster than everyone else. :P

Like I mentioned before, it feels weird we only got 21 episodes this time. I was hoping there’d be another arc before the end of the season. There’s already a season 3 announcement and for next year, I think, so its all good. It might feel like a long time but I thought the same back when season 1 ended and now the finale for season 2 had just aired. Time flies fast.

I just wanna point out that in the last scene at the classroom when they were being told about the rank raising they gotta do, Agares is shown with his eyes visible. I’m glad they never put that mask back to cover his face cause he looks good haha. Glad they kept this detail.

Well, thank you for reading this and the other posts, too if you did. I guess we’d have to wait for season 3 now. I’m glad this show is popular enough to gain another season so fast. :)

#Mairimashita! Iruma-kun #welcome to demon school iruma-kun #sana_post

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livthedragon · 4 years

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Dream SMP Animal Rescue Center AU

The L’Manburg Animal Rescue Center (LARC) is a well-known institution dedicated to the well-being of all animals known to man. The facility receives animals from all over the world, and has staff fit for any creature that gallops, swims, flies, climbs, or runs into their care. With hundreds of acres of land at its disposal, the Rescue Center is equipped to care for animals that cannot be released back into the wild for as long as they may live. Come and visit with our season pass, or drop by anytime with admission tickets half off for the kids! Anyone 15 or older is welcome to come and volunteer their help towards these wonderful beings!

Alright, now that the official canon stuff is done, I’d like to make a few quick notes on pthis AU! First off, this was inspired by Dazenightmare’s Grocery store AU, so go check them out as well! If you have any idea or comments about this piece, the ask box is always open! Anyway, I hope you enjoy, and without further ado, I present my DreamSMP Animal Rescue Center AU!

-Liv💫

(P.s, I’ll be setting things up by showing the character’s official staff introductions first, and then my personal notes on them! This is how most things will be presented!)

Our Wonderful Staff!

Listed below is all of our fantastic employees, each with important and essential jobs to keep LARC running smoothly! If you ever need anything, they’ll be happy to help!

Even though they all have differing roles and places in the hierarchy, the staff have always been tight-knit friends, almost a family. But, like any family, they definitely have their spats! As I come to think of more stuff I might edit this, but so far the employees are Nihachu, Puffy, Eret, Philza, Fundy, Wilbur, Tommy, Tubbo, Quackity, Techno, Ranboo, Purpled, Ponk, Awesamdude, George, Dream, Sapnap, Bad, Skeppy, Karl, Hbomb, Jack, Jschlatt, Foolish, and Ant. (Official names for introductions are Niki, Cara, Eret, Phil, Floris, Wilbur, Tommy, Toby, Alex, Dave, Ranboo, Grayson, Ponk, Sam, George, Clay, Nick, Darryl, Zak, Karl, Liam, Jack, Johnathan, Noah, and Antfrost, in the same order as above. These are the real names of most of the characters, I couldn’t do the ones that haven’t done a name reveal. (I didn’t change Wilbur because it just did not feel right) If there’s a character you wanted to see that’s not here I’m sorry, it means I just don’t know enough about them. (I’m so sorry Punz fans, I’ll add him eventually but I’ve never watched him before and don’t want to improperly represent him!) The minors (Ranboo, Tommy, Tubbo, and Purpled) are technically volunteers and not employees, so they’ll be presented separately. I mention the Regulars (regular patrons) a couple times, these include other MCYTs! So keep an eye out for special appearances! Sadly, SBI is not canon in my AU. It just didn’t make much sense to me as I tried to write it, but if you want to interpret them as family you can! (They’re still very close, so they act just like a family even though they’re not related by blood!)

Clay - Clay is the manager of our facility, and has run it for 3 years now! He’s proven to be a capable and fun leader, and you can often find him wandering about with some other staff members! If you ever see him around, don’t be afraid to ask him for anything!

Dream - Since Dream is the founder and main leader of the SMP, making him the manager made the most sense! He kinda has two ‘settings’, his official business mode for when he needs to handle serious work, and his more chill mode he presents when he’s just hanging out with everyone. He’s never really pulled the ‘I’m your boss so listen to me blah blah’ thing before, he actually prefers to emphasize that he’s on the same level as anyone else, just with a fancy title. He’s only brought out his manager mode when it comes to his employees a few times before, like when one of Tommy’s pranks went too far, and when George was slacking off just a bit too much. Other than that, he’s a nice guy who considers all of his employees his friends, but he’s often busy with ‘manager things’ as he says.

George - Our trusty head of security, George is responsible for keeping our guests safe! He’s in charge of things like security cameras, patrols, and safety regulations regarding people. He’s often found manning the cameras or patrolling about! If you ever get lost or feel unsafe, he and the other security members are always ready to help!

George - He sleeps. A lot. When it says ‘often’ manning the cameras, that means always. Always manning the cameras, and 9 times out of 10 he’s sleeping. He patrols like, once a day for the bare minimum time purely because he has too. The only reason he isn’t fired at this point is because he has uncanny luck. Every time anything comes up that he’s needed in he’s always awake, without fail. Every time a crime (not really crimes more like petty stuff, vandalism and shoplifting from the souvenir stands) happens he always sees it. No one knows how, because he’s always sleeping anytime else. Despite that, he’s a pretty nice guy that everyone gets along with, and does his job good enough to keep people safe.

Nick, Sam, and Cara - Our loyal security guards, who faithfully patrol and protect! It”s their sworn duty to keep animals and people alike safe, and can always be turned to if needed! They can be found rotating between the different wings of the center, and are glad to help with any issue! You can easily identify their signature blue uniforms!

Sapnap - Since George is nearly always ‘occupied,’ Sap is usually the one who handles planning patrol routes and shift changes. Although he can definitely be mischievous or a jokester at times, he does take his job seriously. He’s kind to the little kids that visit, and likes to give them tours whenever Ponk and Eret are busy. He’s loved among the regulars, and knows them all by heart. He’s pulled his fair share of pranks (most often with Tommy, Skeppy, and even occasionally Dream to help him) but he takes care to not cause any serious damage. Overall, he’s a prankster, but he loves his job and fellow employees.

Sam - Although he’s officially a security guard, he’s more like the resident handyman. Whenever there’s a problem with any electrical or plumbing systems (usually the fault of Tubbo, the poor kid breaks everything he touches) Sam usually handles it. He’s reliable, he doesn’t pull jokes like Sapnap does, but he can respect a good one. Despite being rather intimidating at first, Sam is gentle and can often be found helping Ant with the birds or Wilbur with the gazelles. He cares deeply for everyone, especially Tommy, Tubbo, Ranboo, and Purpled, and helps protect people whenever a Karen comes into the picture. He’s the one who helps elderly people cross the busy paths and gives directions to lost tourists.

Puffy - When she was first hired, people wondered why she chose to be a security guard. She was gentle and kind, and tried to avoid any and all conflict. But when a group of teens were spray painting the reptile house, it became obvious. Those kids not only volunteered to clean it themselves, but asked if they could help clean up garbage around the paths while Puffy stood over their shoulders. She’s been famous for her lectures ever since, and can even get Techno and Tommy under her thumb. Her gentle side definitely helps, and because she’s far less intimidating than the other guards, she’s the one who helps lost kids find their parents. She’s confident in herself, and shows it. No one questions her while she’s on patrol, despite being the smallest of the guards, she’s one of the strongest.

Eret and Ponk - Our lovely tour guides, they’re in charge of all the tours around the facility, from the reptile room to the butterfly greenhouse! Whenever you book a tour, one of these two will be in charge! They’re kind and energetic, and can be found with the scheduled tours all over our institute!

Eret - Eret is the more comedic of the two, often slipping in sarcastic jokes here and there on the tour. He’s not afraid to hide who he is, and he’s well known among the regulars for wearing extravagant outfits every now and then. Of course you always have the occasional Karen, but the moment one starts to approach him one of the security guards ‘conveniently’ needs his help. Whenever there’s some sort of event like a holiday or birthday, Eret is usually the one who volunteers to plan it. His parties are legendary, everything is always planned to perfection, and always runs smoothly. No one knows how he does it, it’s like he can predict catastrophe before it even happens. Tommy is mildly scared of him because not one of his pranks has worked on him, he always manages to get out of it (While looking fabulous, of course!) Despite his sarcasm and nonchalant behavior, he loves his job and ‘family’ he’s found!

Ponk - Definitely the more energetic of the two, he never seems to run out of stamina when he gives tours. He’s popular with the little kids because he gives out little stickers at the end of the tour, most often custom ones of all the famous animals. Whenever he’s off duty, he has a game he plays where he mixes all of the vending machine drinks together and sees who’s brave enough to try it. Sam is usually the victim, he has a hard time saying no to him! He’s been known to join in the occasional prank here and there, but never anything crazy (Like the famous Tiger incident, Tommy got suspended for a month after that…) He really cares about all his friends, and always comes into work with a smile!

Zak and Darryl - Responsible for running the various shops around our rescue center, these two are dedicated workers who can always be relied on! They’re always willing to lend a hand, and can be found at their respective stores! Don’t be afraid to say hi or ask for help!

Skeppy - Most definitely cannot be always relied on. I mean, he’s Skeppy, what do you expect? Whenever he’s on duty he’s responsible enough, but when off duty he’s even more of a trouble maker than Tommy! His stand isn’t usually as busy as BBH’s, so he has a lot of free time to goof off. He uses most of that time to plan pranks or tease BBH, much to his annoyance. Despite Skeppy always teasing him, he considers BBH his closest friend and would do anything for him. He’s faced his fair share of consequences and punishment, but he’s always managed to weasel his way out. He’s crafty and a troublemaker, but he’s also a good friend and a loyal worker when it counts.

BBH - One of the most loved members of staff, he gets along with everyone he meets. He’s kind beyond measure, and never hesitates to help. Pretty much the opposite of Skeppy, who often annoys everyone. But opposites attract, maybe that’s why they get along so well! Whenever Sapnap and George are busy, Dream usually turns to BBH for help and advice. Since the stands aren’t busy all that often, BBH usually helps out wherever he’s needed, he especially loves helping Wilbur with the butterflies. Like Sapnap, he also gets along great with the little kids, who love to hang out with him! Because of Dream’s soft spot for him, he managed to get permission to bring his dog, Rat, into work to ‘help’ him at his stand.

Alex - Alex is our responsible janitor and handyman, always ready for anything that could happen! He’s hardworking and kind, with a good sense of humor! You’ll find him wherever he’s needed, always willing to help!

Quackity - Like I said, Sam is more of the resident handyman, so Quackity usually handles the cleaning. He tried to fix wiring on the meat freezer one time because Sam was busy, but it did not… end well… he somehow flooded the whole room. The introduction isn’t entirely wrong, he is responsible and hardworking, but he’s not exactly ready for anything that could happen. It’s not his fault, it just seems that no matter how much he prepares some new problem he’s never dealt with before comes up. Like when the peacocks escaped, or the infamous Tiger incident. (When he saw the destruction that caused he just dropped his mop and said “I’m taking my vacation time now, fuck this”) He still has his sense of humor though, he enjoys yelling at Karens in Spanish to scare them off. He’s yelling about the weather, but they can’t tell the difference.

Karl - Our fantastic admission worker, he’s the first face you see when you walk in! He’s in charge of admitting all of our guests, and to answer any questions you have before entering! He can be found at his booth helping anyone and everyone!

Karl - Still had his signature good attitude and positive outlook, he’s probably the most willing to help people. Since he’s the only admission booth worker (Schlatt occasionally takes over, but he’s usually busy with his own stuff) he doesn’t get much break time in the busy season, but when he does he usually spends it with his friends. He’s goofy and kind, with a giggle that quickly got him loved by the regulars and everyone else he meets. On the slower days, usually in winter when the tourists aren’t around, he likes to sit everyone down in the break room and tell grand stories about different points in history. These tales quickly became enjoyed by even the most reluctant members, much to his suprise. He’s a very skilled storyteller, but he’s also very humble and insists he’s mediocre. He’s a great guy and loved by everyone around him, the perfect first face to see when you enter LARC. Recently, however, people often catch him stealing glances at two certain individuals throughout the day…

Johnathan - Our loyal help desk worker, he’s here for any issues you may have during your time at LARC. He’s here for anything you need, from booking tours to answering questions. Johnathan is in charge of making sure your stay runs smoothly and is as enjoyable as possible! You can find him at his desk all throughout the day!

Jschlatt - I have no actual reason for why he has this job I just thought it would be funny. Out of all the members of the rescue center, he’s the one who’s mastered the customer service smile and voice the most. He’s kind of had to, considering what his job is. Surprisingly, it isn’t as hellish as it would seem. Most of the time it’s just people booking tours or asking simple questions, which doesn’t require that much interaction. Dealing with Karens is a rare occurrence, but not unheard of. He just hits them with the “Lady, I am not paid enough to deal with this. Either go talk to the manager or ask Karl for a refund, now at least move aside so I can do my damn job.” He has a lot of free time because of this, but he’s not allowed to leave his post so he just plays Solitare on his computer and chats with whoever’s nearby. Even though he’s sarcastic and reluctant, he is a good worker and gets the job done. He rarely shows it, if at all, but he does care for all of his fellow workers and enjoys his job because he gets to be around them.

Phil and Liam - Our specialized veterinarians are equipped for any animal that needs their care, from elephants to bats, scorpions to dolphins. They’re both capable and experienced, and can be found wherever they’re needed to do their jobs!

Philza - Definitely a capable vet, he’s probably people’s first choice when they need help. He’s worked at a few other places before LARC, but he insists that this is his permanent job until he retires. Although he tends to focus purely on work when on the clock, when he’s off duty he opens up a lot more. He enjoys out with everyone in the break room, most of all Wilbur, Tommy, Techno, and Ranboo. Sometimes his wife comes in to volunteer for a day, much to everyone’s enjoyment. Since Phil is the resident dad, she was named the official mom of LARC and was given a very fancy cardboard crown. Despite his reluctant behavior on the surface, he can be passionate at times… rarely. Very rarely. He once chugged one of Ponk’s concoctions from hell and walked away unscathed, mumbling “I drink more caffeine on my good days, try again with an extra 10 energy drinks mate.” Ponk has practically worshipped him since, no one had ever been able to take any of his drinks before Phil. Overall he’s a good natured guy who loves both animals and people, but tends to avoid the public paths because it’s so crowded.

Hbomb - More of Phil’s understudy than an official vet, he’s still learning quite a bit. That doesn’t mean he’s not capable, he’s great when he’s working on animals he’s familiar with or illnesses he’s dealt with dozens of times before. This is his first job as a veterinarian, and he found it quite overwhelming at first. Despite this, he quickly won over his fellow staff with his charm and humor. When asked who his best friend is, he jokingly answers “Fundy!” While Fundy violently shakes his head no in the background. He’s relatively carefree, but he can absolutely get serious when his skills are needed. He’s fine with not being the go-to guy to help with the animals, he’s content with helping Phil whenever he’s needed and sticking to the sidelines.

Niki - Our lovely Marine Biologist, she keeps the aquarium and other aquatic exhibits running smoothly. She’s an expert in her field, and we can go about our days knowing she has everything under control! She can be found most often in the aquarium, but keep an eye out for her around other exhibits!

Nihachu - Because the aquatic exhibits are the smallest and have the least amount of animals, Niki can usually run it smoothly. She’s passionate about her job, and has loved animals since she was very little. She originally joined LARC purely for experience, but as time went on she just… never left. She has no plans to either, she loves the strange family she’s found, and the constant flow of new animals keeps her on her toes when it comes to her passion. She never really wanted fame or riches from Marine Biology, she chose to do it because of her love for zoology. On her off time she usually hangs out with Puffy or Wilbur, since their jobs place them near her area. She’s a lovable and soft spoken, but can be serious when needed. She more than pulls her weight in LARC, and has proved herself many times over.

Dave - A spectacular zoologist who specializes in predators and their behavior, Dave handles even the most deadly of animals with calm mannership. He has experience with every apex predator, and treats every animal he cares for kindly. He may seem unapproachable, but he’s willing to help anyone who needs it. He can be found all around LARC, but most often by the big predators.

Technoblade - He has proved the statement “Technoblade never dies” many times over. Many. Times. Over. He’s faced bears head-on with no safety equipment (which is not good, please use safety equipment when around wild animals) and come out unscathed. All of the permanent predators at LARC that can’t be released have acknowledged him as an equal, and accepted him into their hierarchy. Even the most aggressive of the big cats hold respect for him, but not through fear. Techno refuses to ever, ever use fear as a tactic to win over animals. He claims it’s not right to rule over other beings through fear, especially such regal ones. He takes his job very seriously, and hates his interactions with animals interrupted. (Tommy did it once and he swears to never do it again.) He’s very skilled, but he often gets put aside when the inspector comes around every 6 months because of his refusal to use required equipment. He may still be as serious and no-nonsense as ever, but he holds his friends close. He doesn’t like to be in the public eye, so he stays as behind the scenes as possible. Like Jschaltt, he doesn’t show it much, but he cares for everyone in LARC.

Wilbur - The counterpart to Dave, Wilbur is our herbivore specialist at LARC! He’s responsible for the majority of the herbivores in our institute, from gazelles to horses! You can find him all around our facility, and if you’re lucky you might catch him feeding the animals!

Wilbur - He’s the opposite of Techno in a lot of ways besides just his job. Will actually likes to be in front of a crowd when doing his job, and even got Dream to add an official feeding time for the popular animals so people could come see. His intentions aren’t vanity though, he just likes seeing how happy it makes everyone. Because he cares for the majority of the animals at LARC, he can often be found with Phil and the other animal caretakers. He’s especially close to Phil and Tommy though, and Tommy often finds ways to change his schedule to be closer to him. (Tubbo usually follows Tommy, and then Ranboo follows Tubbo, it’s a whole chain reaction.) On his off time he occasionally causes mischief with other staff, but he’s chill most of the time. He cares a lot about all of the animals he cares for, and makes sure to form a bond with each and every one. Every now and then he brings his guitar to work, and can be found quietly strumming it and humming along in secluded places. Sometimes he even plays it in front of the animals, much to their confused enjoyment. He might be carefree most of the time, but he takes his work seriously and has a close bond with everyone at LARC.

Floris - Floris is our resident field specialist, here to use his experience to help wherever he can! He’s often one of the first to see new animals or release old ones, and always does it with a smile on his face! You don’t see him as often as the other animal caretakers, but he can be found throughout LARC!

Fundy - He’s been all over the globe since he graduated, since he got to study under a rather eccentric zoologist. No one knows why he decided to work at LARC and not somewhere more recognized, but they’re not complaining. Whenever he’s on break, he likes to retail all of his adventures in a dramatic manner, but no one knows if they’re true stories or not. Sometimes he shows proof of his escapades, but most of the time he leaves it up to everyone to decide for themselves. But whether his stories are true or not, he definitely has the experience of someone who’s travelled the world. No matter the animal, he seems to know how to predict their behavior perfectly. He’s as excitable and loud as ever, but he loves his job and all the creatures he’s gotten to work with. Oftentimes he’s in charge of keeping tabs on animal behavior, so he’s the first to note when something changes or goes wrong. He has journals full of notes on different animals, both from LARC and his time traveling. He’s definitely passionate and dramatic, but he’s also a good guy that just wants to help animals.

Antfrost - A fantastic mammalogist, he’s been at LARC for a few years now and has proven himself as a great scientist. He knows how to deal with a variety of mammals, from the tiniest bumblebee bats to the biggest elephants! If you ever have any questions, feel free to ask him!

Ant - Like Niki, this is his first real job in zoology. He was out in the field for about a year and a half, but he was basically an errand boy for the bigger names he was working with. That’s not to say he’s not skilled though, he’s fantastic at what he does. He often asks Fundy for his notes on the various animals to get to know them better himself, and has read the majority of his journals. He was timid around everyone at first, but he gradually got close to his fellow staff. It was the same when it came to big animals, Wilbur had to help him during his first time with the elephants, giraffes, and other large mammals. But soon he got used to them, and now he spends most of his time with animals. He has no plans to leave LARC, he’s found that this job is more than enough to keep him busy and happy. He’s a bit shy, but when he opens up he enjoys being around everyone.

Jack and Noah - These two, although not often seen, and essential for keeping everything running like a well-oiled machine! From lending a hand wherever it’s needed to helping prepare food, Jack and Noah work tirelessly behind the scenes to make sure everything is a-ok! If you ever do spot them, they’re ready to help with whatever you need!

Jack - The more experienced of the two, he’s been working at LARC for a long time now. He can be mischievous at times, but he’s responsible and knows his job is important. He struggles a bit to be close to everyone, despite the fact he’s been at LARC for a long time. He’s acquainted with most of the staff, but he’s not sure if he can really call anyone a close friend. He does have a good relationship with Tommy and Niki, but they always have so much going on and often overlook Jack. He grins and bears it though, keeping his loud and comedic attitude. He’s often all business and work, but there are times he wishes he could just be friends with everyone, and envies the very social members of staff like Quackity and Tommy. He may be a bit distant from everyone, but he still gets along with them… at least that’s what he always tells himself. He’s a bit stubborn, but overall a good guy who’s willing to help

Foolish - Foolish has only been working at LARC for a few months now, but he’s already made quite a few friends, both animal and human. When he’s working he tends to stick to himself, but when on break he enjoys hanging out with others and having casual conversation. He actually has a little corner of the break room for his hobby, making mini-models! He’s very good at it too, he has an intricate Egyptian setup that everyone likes to ogle at every now and then! Every so often he stays after for a bit to work on them, and no one has the heart to disturb him when he gets into it. He spends a lot of time with the animals, especially the aquatic ones. He seems to be drawn to the aquarium, and he’s often caught staring at the ocean tank. He’s positive and high energy most of the time, but he’s not to be underestimated.

Our Volunteers!

Volunteering is open for anyone interested in working at LARC non-officially, as long as you follow our rules and are 15 or older! Our current volunteers are

Toby

Tommy

Grayson

Ranboo

This is subject to change at any time! If you’re interested in signing up to be a volunteer, contact us either through our official website or our in-person help desk!

Volunteers aren’t allowed to be up close to any of the large or dangerous animals for their own safety!

We hope to see new volunteers soon!

Tubbo - He breaks. Everything he touches. Much to Quackity’s dismay, who’s often stuck cleaning it up. He doesn’t mean to break things, he just… does. Despite being quiet and even shy at times, Tubbo is without a doubt the most chaotic person in the entirety of LARC. He doesn’t pull off jokes or pranks like Tommy and Skeppy, he just subtly radiates chaos wherever he goes. He and Tommy are in charge of helping the westward wing (The area with the Africa, North America, and Insect House exhibits, as far away from the Aquarium as possible because Tubbo will break everything) and occasionally the Reptile House. A volunteer’s work isn’t exactly exciting, they mainly cut up and prepare food and do whatever Jack and Foolish are too busy to. Tubbo doesn’t really mind though, he finds the work rewarding and even fun at times. Even when the food he has to prepare is especially gross, some time helping Wilbur with the beehives always makes him happy.

Tommy - Oh man, Tommy… what problems hasn’t he caused? It seems that everywhere he goes he can manage to cause trouble, often roping Tubbo and Wilbur into it. It’s a miracle he hasn’t been fired yet (can you fire a volunteer? I don’t know) despite everything he’s done. He did get suspended for a long time after the Tiger Incident, but that’s the worst punishment he’s faced. He’s also not allowed to be near any of the people that come to LARC because last time he went “Vlogging” and scared away multiple guests. That was Jschaltt’s busiest day and he still has not forgiven him for it. He’s often stuck behind the scenes with Tubbo preparing food, but every now and then Wilbur, or even Techno if he’s lucky, lets him help feed the animals. When he’s off duty he can be found pestering Wilbur, Phil, and Techno or getting yelled at by Dream for causing problems. Despite being nothing but a troublemaker, everyone around him can’t help but have a soft spot for him. And on rare occasions, you can catch him leaving gifts for people to show his thanks for dealing with him.

Purpled - Probably the most laid back of the Volunteers, he’s actually allowed within 40 feet of the Tiger enclosure. (Although he has been known to solve problems by chasing people with a foam sword and yelling “Bedwars!!”) Since Tommy and Tubbo are usually on food duty, Purpled’s the one who delivers stuff to various places around LARC. This results in two things, no one ever being able to find him when they need him and him randomly appearing behind people when they least expect it. Seriously, he’ll just appear out of thin air to scare the shit out of you 5 minutes after you need him. He doesn’t even try to do it, he just… does, somehow. He’s a good worker though, and doesn’t complain much. He somehow managed to convince Dream to get an Xbox for the break room, and every break he gets he challenges random members of staff to a game of bedwars. He beat almost everyone without a hitch, except Technoblade. Currently they’re tied at 38 wins each, and Ranboo brought in a whiteboard to keep track. He may be a bit reluctant, but he likes LARC and can’t see himself leaving anytime soon.

Ranboo - Probably the most shy of the Volunteers, he tends to keep to the background and avoids the big, public areas. Because he’s the gentlest (and the most trustworthy) of the helping staff, he’s usually the one who gets the jobs involving animals. This usually includes helping Niki give the ducklings baths and feeding the deer with Wilbur, but like it says he’s not allowed near any potentially dangerous animals. He’s the tallest person at LARC (but by far the kindest) which results in him often scaring the animals at first, much to his dismay. Because he’s also on the taller side, Wilbur taught him a few tricks to seem less intimidating, which helped greatly. When he does open up a bit (usually around Tommy and Tubbo) he can be a bit mischievous and chaotic, but he knows when to stop. He hopes to become an official member of LARC one day, but for now he’s content with being just a volunteer.

Remember, LARC always welcomes guests, new or returning! We hope to see you soon!

Thank you guys so much for reading, this AU took me waaayyyyyy too long to write, and I’m psyched to finally have it done! I’d be super happy to answer any asks you guys leave, or any questions you have in the comments! Again, thank you so much, and I hope you enjoyed!

-Liv 💫

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mustyrosewater · 4 years

Text

𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙥𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙤𝙮𝙨 . . .

@leatherjacketmazzello requested what going clothes shopping with the pedro boys is like!

so lets go !!

warnings : mentions of lingerie, mentions of sex.

javier pena :

i’m not gonna lie to you, i kind of feel like javi wouldn’t be all that up to the idea of going clothes shopping with you at first. he has better things to do with his time rather than help you pick out clothes, that’s at least what he says until you casually mention you might be trying on some bra’s as well.

our boy gets up very quickly and is already in the car by the time you grab your purse. the process of actually finding something to try on his boring for him at first; he has no idea how womens clothes work, this man only ever goes shopping if he has literally nothing else to wear or if his jeans are beyond repair. this along with the fact that he normally just picks a pair, gets the size and leaves. i don’t think the concept of actually trying on clothes before you buy them is actually in his brain.

it’s not until you drag him along with you to the change rooms with a little white sundress with cute sunflower patterns all over it hung over your arm and tell him to wait while you try it. he ends up sat on a stool with his arms crossed as he impatiently waits for you. the ladies working at the change rooms have a little giggle and crack a few jokes with him while he waits.

it’s not until he hears the curtain draw back and lazily turns his head to you, only to nearly choke on his own saliva when he sees you grinning at him happily and do a little spin to show it off.

this man nearly gets a semi then and there.

next thing you know javi is picking out several more things to try on, so much so that you need to remind him you still need to try on bra’s.

he is very, very motivated to help you pick something out.

francisco “catfish” morales :

we know our boy is a sweetheart™ so even if he doesn’t have the best of idea of how shopping for women’s clothes works, you best believe he is going to happily drive with you to the mall to at least try and help.

everytime you hold something up and ask him what he thinks he just holds his hands in his pockets and shrugs. it’s not that he doesn’t care, it’s just that to him everything looks beautiful on you so it doesn’t really matter.

when you finally pick out a few items and bring him with you to the change rooms, you decide to just let him go in with you because we know he’s seen you naked countless times, neither of you really care at this point and there was nobody actually in the change rooms at the time so why not?

he’s not really paying the m o s t attention because while he loves you, he’s only human, this man will check his phone every now and then.

h o w e v e r, he looks up just in time to see you pulling on a pair of jean shorts and he’d be lying if watching you do a little shimmy while pulling them over the curse of your ass and turning in the mirror to check them out.

the moment you turn to him and asks him what he thinks his eyes are slightly widened and the man looks absolutely hypnotized. it’s not hard for you to realize that those jean shorts are most definitely a solid yes.

shane “dio” morrisey :

i feel like you and dio would get your clothes at pretty similar places, so whenever you want to go shopping it’s an invitation for him to come along and grab a few things for himself as well. this is despite the fact that literally every single time you two go shopping, it turns into dio taking you into practically every lingerie shop he can find and getting you to try things on for him.

we’re not gonna sit here and act like you guys don’t shoplift ok, this man does not have a job, he is not paying for any of this.

he’s usually more enthusiastic about picking things out for you, purely because he loves to see you try on things that he thinks would look good on you, lots of skirts and such.

he wouldn’t force you to get something if you didn’t like it, but he’d definitely reassure you that if you change your mind he’s still putting it in his bag.

i feel like he’d love to pick out chokers for you to try as well?

yes, you two go into a sexy shop, yes you come out with some very interesting purchases in terms of what some would consider ‘clothes.’

oberyn martell :

well i mean, this man is a prince, if you even mention that you’re thinking about going down to the market to look for some more gowns, he can and will send you a plethora of new items.

you told him you were fine with just going to the market and picking out a few simple things. did he listen? no. you know for a fact that some of these dresses come from the finest tailors in westeros.

at first you don’t want to accept it, it’s too much, but oberyn reassures you that you deserve them, and that only the most beautiful of gowns are allowed to grace your ethereal body.

you know for a fact that he only wants you to try them on in front of him so that he can take them off of you, one of his favorites thing to do is know that you’re wearing something that he got for you, almost like he’s wrapping his own present in beautiful silks and embroidered velvet dresses.

there was only one time the two of you actually went down to the market and every single time you tried something on he would shake his head slowly and tell you that whatever you were trying on was not worthy of your beauty and that you just need to let him order in dresses that are truly worthy enough of such a goddess.

din djarin :

ok look, our boy mando knows next to nothing about womens clothing, but armor? that our boy knows, he will absolutely take you to the markets and help you pick out armor that is worth the credits as well as making sure you aren’t paying more than it’s worth.

i’m not gonna lie our boy would be absolutely hopeless at helping you go clothes shopping and thats ok, it’s not like he ever thought he would be doing that, he is a bounty hunter after all.

there was only a single time that you were out looking for a bounty and came across a small market, curiosity getting the better of you, you went and had a look, thinking that maybe you could find something to bring back for the kid, a new toy or something.

you didn’t mean to buy the dress, it was just the fact that as you picked it up, you could tell that din was staring at you intensely through his helmet, and part of you just knew he was imagining what you would look like in the dress.

of course it found it’s way into your bag all for the purpose of surprising him later on.

maxwell lord :

the second that you mention your plans to go out shopping for a few new bits and pieces, maxwell is immediately standing up from his desk and informing his secretary that the two of you were going out.

he gets the two of you in a car and next thing you know you’re pulling up outside of chanel, looking over at maxwell with furrowed brows. he just looks at you like it’s the most normal thing in the world to go to chanel for ‘bits and pieces.’

you try to assure him that he doesn’t have to take you here but he just brushes whatever protests you give off and takes you inside, unable to hide a chuckle when he see’s you looking around the store in awe, marveling at the chandelier and perfectly pressed white fluffy carpets.

he tells you to start looking around and tells you to let him know if you see something you like. you look at him like he’s crazy but none the less begin to nervously walk around the store, tilting your head at the overdressed mannequins put into outfits that must cost more than your car and rent combined.

as soon as you look at something for more than five seconds, maxwell asks if you like it or if you want to try it on. to be honest, shopping with maxwell is kind of a nightmare purely because you can’t help but feel like the workers will think this is some kind of sugar daddy relationship and that you’re just with maxwell for his money. maxwell assures you that they don’t get paid enough to care.

max phillips :

while max isn’t exactly loaded, we know he’s a frat boy that’s come from a trust fund family so he definitely isn’t middle class by any means.

so expect that when you tell max that you’re thinking of going out to get some new clothes he takes you to ralph lauren of all places; this is a man who wears tailored suits and always has his rolex on, he is going to spoil you at least a little bit.

even if you have concerns about people thinking you’re a gold digger, he assures you that he knows you love him and that’s the only opinion that you should really care about.

and yes, when you get home he expects you to model everything he bought you, especially any and all expensive lingerie.

jack daniels a.k.a agent whiskey :

when it comes to our southern boy, he has simple taste at heart. so when you say that you were thinking of getting some new clothes, he absolutely wants to go with you purely because he wants to help you as well as having the opportunity to shower you with compliments.

he knows your taste extremely well and is very good at picking out things that he knows you’ll both really like.

however, it doesn’t matter what you try on, because every single time without failure it’s going to result in you showing it to him for his opinion and in turn having him look you up and down, let out a low whistle and tell you that “well, you look as pretty as a peach, good enough to eat.” or some variation of his classic southern charm.

at the end of the day he’s happy if you’re happy, he’s probably never going to get sick of shopping trips if it means it’s just an excuse to oogle at you and compliment you every five minutes.

pero tovar :

i think he’s more surprised than anything when you say you want to go to the market for something other than armor or weapons. he’s never seen you in anything other than armor or sleepwear so the idea of you wearing anything else is a completely new concept to him. he’s lying if he says he isn’t at least curious.

at first he’s a bit overwhelmed by the dresses that you’re looking at, especially when it comes to all the fancy words the sellers are saying. ‘embroidered’ ‘hand stitched’ he doesn’t know what they mean but he learns that they’re good things at least? he’s definitely not trying to remember the words so that if he ever wants to surprise you with anything he’ll know what to ask for.

he almost freezes when you turn to him holding up a dress and asking him what he thinks, we all know that he doesn’t know enough to have a good opinion on the dress itself, and any opportunity to get you into something pretty is a yes for him, he simply shrugs and lets out a small grunt.

he’s thankful for the market trip later on when he actually gets to see you in the dress later on, especially when he gets to tear it off of you.

dave york :

a majority of the time dave is far too busy to actually go shopping with you, but the second he gets some time off you are dragging that man to a store with you to pick out some clothes. he doesn’t necessarily have very interesting opinions of what you hold up from the rack, once again coming back to the whole idea of you looking gorgeous in whatever you wear.

things do get interesting when you get to lingerie however, if he had ears, they would perk up at the mention of it.

yes, he wants you to try things on. yes, if you like it he’ll be the one buying it for you because he wants to see you wearing lingerie he knows he paid for.

also he absolutely tries to spew some bullshit he’s heard from chick flicks about how ‘that cardigan matches goes with your eye color.’ okay dave, you get an a for effort at least?

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal preferences #pedro pascal x reader #javier pena x reader #frankie morales x reader #din djarin x reader #oberyn martell x reader #maxwell lord x reader #dave york x reader #max phillips x reader #pero tovar x reader #headcanons #preferences #pedro pascal headcanons

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ssvgawara · 4 years

Text

Haikyuu boys and some oddly specific crime they’d commit

a/n: I come back and the first thing I write is a shitpost!! enjoy </3 tw for drugs, murder, alcohol and general crime committing xoxo

Karasuno

Daichi- he’s a cop sorry that’s all there is to it man

Suga- Suga has multiple charges of 1st-degree murder against him but they can’t seem to find his identity so he continues committing murder and will continue until he gets caught or ends up murdering enough people to be put in a position of power

Asahi- everyone is probably like “Oh Asahi is innocent” NO. He has learned that his slightly scary face will let him get away with a lot, he is buying alcohol illegally because he looks old enough to, and he’s buying so much other shit and just getting away with it

Nishinoya- This man gives fucking pimp vibes I can just see him in the big leopard print fur coat with a pretty girl in his lap and he calls himself big poppa but no one else will

Tanaka- Drug dealer vibes, probably runs an entire fucking drug ring with his sister and not just a Lil weed these mfkas have the hard shit too like you could probably buy meth from them, he’s not using it but it’s good business

Ennoshita, Kinoshita, and Narita- They literally rob a bank they have an entire scheme and get away with multiple bank robberies and this goes on for MONTHS

Kageyama- We know he’s volleyball smart but otherwise he’s so mfing stupid and I love him for it but he is a chronic shoplifter. Just picks something up and takes it, has walked out of a store without paying for an entire bed set once and got away with it somehow so idk props to him

Hinata- He is the little guy in any heist situation, he fits anywhere so he can sneak in and out the best, he gave himself the stupid ass code name tiny giant but everyone goes with it because somehow he is the best

Tsukishima- armed robbery, but he doesn’t have a gun just a knife like he’s tall and as an attitude, a knife will get him whatever he needs he doesn’t need the gun

Yamaguchi- He runs a catfishing scheme where he pretends to be a naive girl, scams old men out of their money, and then ghosts them and I think it’s what he deserves let him carry on especially because no one would believe it’s him. Also not really like a crime crime but still a crime in a way

Kiyoko- She kills men and I know it, Queen Kiyoko ending the patriarchy one shitty man at a time like she only kills men who deserve it bc some have rights.

Yachi- She’s too anxious to commit an in-person crime so she does a lot of cybercrime, hacking government databases and releasing info to the people, truly the anonymous we deserve

Saeko- She’s running that drug ring with Tanaka, and she loves it because there’s a thrill to it even though yknow she’s dealing literal meth but like its fine plus she loves rocking people’s shit when they get too handsy, which bring me to my next point underground MMA Saeko, like the illegal one with no rules yeah <3

Ukai- this man probably sells all kinda shit to minors that he shouldn’t he is so unbothered a 7-year-old could probably walk in ask for a pack of camels and get them and leave before he noticed what was going on.

Takeda- Did y’all see how scared Hinata was when Takeda gave him that lecture? This dude could kidnap someone and scare them into giving all the information he needed, a legend truly

Aoba Johsai

Oikawa- took steroids one time. And of course in sports, that’s not allowed. But he only did it once and regretted it for months afterward. Never told anyone and was just relieved he didn’t have to piss in a cup and have someone find out.

Matsukawa- Without hesitation, I know this man takes dead people’s bones and sells them on the internet. Has dubbed himself the bone man and he feels so much power when someone buys a femur or sumn. It’s kinda funny honestly he has a hoard of bones to sell, his fave is the pelvis.

Hanamaki- He’s in between jobs because he stole money from his last job, like he said he was sorry he just needed a little extra for gas but was sad to find out that’s a literal crime and he was laundering money.

Iwaizumi- he’s a street racer, like the fast and furious style and it’s so sexy of him like late-night races ugh to be in an expensive fast car with him where he has one hand on my thigh okay that’s enough of that.

Kunimi- Look me in the eye and tell me he does not do drugs. He does and if you don’t believe me you are wrong and I will fight you on this one.

Kyotani- If there is a crime he will commit it for fun. Like he will do it with no hesitation. He has a record longer than twilight and I’m not sure how he is not in prison actually nvm he escaped and is a wanted criminal lol

Shiritorizawa

Ushijima- Assault, he just reeks of getting into bar fights when he’s absolutely wasted. Like he most likely didn’t start it but he will be finishing it

Tendou- grave robbing, he just goes into the cemetery picked the oldest plots, and gets to digging. Has made thousands on dead people jewelry and probably won’t get caught, like besides the groundskeeper there’s no security he will never stop.

Semi- he breaks copyright laws on the daily. He’s sampling music in his all the time but he’s doing it so sneakily it’s fine its what deserves stream his band on Spotify right now,

Shirabu- His bangs are criminal enough. No, but he has stolen drugs from the hospital before he just wanted to try the Xanax, and yeah he could just write himself a prescription for it nut like it’s so easy to just go get some and no report it so that’s what he did.

Goshiki- y’all want me to say arson don’t you?? Fine. He commits arson multiple times and kills 7 people with fire before getting arrested and he doesn’t even feel bad so in prison he probably fucking runs a gang he is crazy.

Nekoma

Kuroo- he is a capitalist and class traitor and that’s crime enough I don’t care is he’s attractive or rich, He commits crimes daily by just existing but I still love him anyway.

Kai- Could not commit a crime he just wants to garden and live his life. Jk there’s at minimum one body in that garden let him kill a man he deserves it just let him have one dead body

Yaku- he keyed someone’s car once just because they pissed him off. Was it kuroo? Yes. But that’s fine because he also keyed Lev’s car but blamed lev for keying kuroo’s and Kuroo for keying Lev’s. He just wants to watch the world burn.

Kenma- cyberbullying but man he is mean. Like no bars held we will dig into every insecurity he can and that shit hurts and he doesn’t even feel bad about it he will just be as mean as he can if you’re not careful

Lev- his crime is being tall and dumb also doesn’t understand the economy and prints counterfeit money because why can’t we print more money? The government should get on that.

Inuoka- He released all the animals from a zoo, like snuck in one night and just let them all free, I’m surprised the tiger didn’t eat him but hey the animals are free, there’s still some missing uh oh he’s very proud of himself for it. After the rush, he starts sneaking into shelters and freeing all the dogs and cats

Yamamoto and Fukunaga- Have egged a house before, it was Kuroo’s he deserves all this bullying and you can’t stop me.

Date Tech

Aone- Criminal Conspiracy, sure he had an entire foolproof plan to get away with the perfect crime but someone found out, and now his plans are ruined, damn </3 and no one ever suspects the quiet guy either.

Futakuchi- Having a prostitute, he just wanted some company like mans is lonely so he paid a girl to just spend a Lil time with him it’s all good.

Fukurodani

Bokuto- I know we all haha funny laugh at tax evader bokuto and sure maybe he evades his taxes but he’s also committed vehicular manslaughter, he cannot drive and has killed someone with his car maybe even multiple someones but he always drives off in a panic because he doesn’t know what else to do.

Akaashi- Hasn’t actively committed a crime but has been an accomplice in every vehicular manslaughter Bokuto has committed why the fuck does he keep letting bokuto drive? He really needs to stop that.

Konoha- A master scammer he is so convincing everyone gives him money even if they’re a little sus because he’s just that good each scheme is so convincing.

Inarizaki

Kita- He grows weed, you can’t tell me those rice fields are just for rice he’s got all this space he is growing marijuana and selling it, let him do it I want him to be my plug.

Atsumu- "What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier."

Osamu- resisting arrest. He just said no and ran. Granted he shouldn’t have punched the cop in the first place to have to be arrested but like that’s not the point here.

Aran- accidental child abandonment, like he just forgot he was babysitting and left the kid alone for like a day. He felt terrible but he still forgot the kid and now is fearful of parenthood

Suna- owns an illegal weapon, like he just never registered it and keeps it around and would use it if needed Suna please just point the weapon at me maybe

Others

Terushima- Graffiti, he loves painting on the walls of buildings and tagging them, has so much spraypaint and his day isn’t complete if he doesn’t tag at least one building or train car.

Daishou- Public intoxication- he got a little too fucked up and stripped on the street he will forever have to live with everyone knowing he has an ass tattoo like damn bruh

Sakusa- Perjury he simply wanted to get out of court so he said some shit so he could leave granted he lied under oath but whatever, did they ever find out? No, so he’s fine and he’d do it again if it meant he could leave faster. Like sure he was a witness to a murder but bruh he pretends he does not see.

Hoshihumi- driving without a license he simply thought you didn’t need one because why do you need a piece of plastic to say you can drive a car like??? Just know how to drive it.

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